#is it a problem with me? do i need to change something? am i at fault for failing to communicate what I want to others?
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"Will you overthinking this?" He asked as we were walking hand in hand in the park.
Me, fully aware I have already started overthinking the moment he mentioned that her friend broke off her relationship: "....... juuup"
"What are you overthinking about? Lets discuss it together, let me help"... I explained how, maybe, now that she is single, she might try to get over a guy by getting under another one. Or maybe, since you guys tall about problems and are pretty close, she turns to flirting now that she is single. "Okay and? Why would I get into that while I have my girlfriend at home? I would say no thank you. Also, I don't think she is the person to do that. I have met her before she was in a relationship, and she also wasn't like this then". Okay, well, .. maybe she will have heard bad things about me and will not like me or she will think I am not good enough for you, or too much, and tell you to break up with me. I mean, I'm in a relationship with you, not with her, but ja, well... He put his arms around me and stopped us from walking on, hugging me from behind. "Sometimes I forget how insecure you can be. Do you really think I'll just break up with you because someone tells me to? And besides, I think you should meet her. She is really kind and everytime I mentioned something, she was always more on the reassuring side." Well, I also thought your other friend was kind.. "..... true. ..... I don't have an argument against that."
"So... if she were to still be in a relationship, would it be okay? .. meh, I feel like that's a bad excuse. "Yeah she is in a relationship anyway" , as if that changes anything. Doesn't that sound like a bad thing to you?" Hmm. Well. Honestly, I felt better when she was in a relationship, assuming it wasn't an u know who typa relationship. It's always a 2 people's decision. And that way, I am at least sure that one side is on the no side (as I said it out loud, I realized how fuckedup it sounded.) "Shouldn't you trust me to already be on the no side?" .... I should, yes. I just don't know what to make of the fact that you told me that you can't promise me that it won't happen again. "That was a year ago" .... "back then I wasn't super sure, and before that I was def not sure. Also, I did not want to force you to trust me (def different exact words from his, buthey, u get the point.). It's been a year." Would you get back to it and say something different now then? "Yes. I am sure that it will never happen again".
And there it was. I know he is a firm believer in actions over words, but sometimes I need words to be sure. He told me that he tells me the truth, and I know he does. Thus, if he tells me, I believe him. So. Maybe this is what I needed to truly get to trusting him again. His word. It's not a signed contract, I know. I can't sue him if his words turn out to be false. Though, I needed this. I needed his faith in himself to make sure it won't happen again. Fuck damn hey. I needed him to believe in himself. If he doesn't believe he will stop it the next time, who am I to believe so? Well well well. Before he left, if our roommate wasn't sitting right next to me, I would've said after he asked me if I'm still okay (for like, the 3th time): "if you say it won't happen again, I trust you." Fuck. And I'd mean it. I feel like I have entered a new reality. One in which it is safe for me to have faith in him. In which, sure, maybe a girl will flirt with him, but I can laugh about it. I can be proud to be with that hotstuff that she can't help but talk to. I can make jokes about it and raise my eyebrows up and down. I can do it all, and enjoy the situation, knowing. Truly knowing. That it doesn't matter at all if the other party is on the "yes-boat". He isn't, and he won't get onto it either. Even if a chance presents itself, he won't even see it as one. He has the set in stone plan to come back home to me. Even if she would get him drunk and touch him all over, ... he will say no. Even if it scares me more with booze, he is still himself. He doesn't get into a crazy trans and turns into a different person with different values. He is still the same person who held my hand as we walked in the autumn colored park, and said that it would never happen again.
It feels like something in me has been freed. As if trust was a fluffy creature within me, which was tied down. His words freed it. It still can't believe that the tiny trust guy is free. That it's safe to stand up now and run and smile and truly trust. It's astonished, grasping for those words that set it free. Wanting to hold them and craving for them to invade its veins with its lightning energy and brightness. May it no longer feel the need to stay on the ground; the ties have been undone. Fuck.
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Morning. For the Friends Au it appears that Winter is trying to reach out to Jaune... and maybe he sees it and it's confusing him as to why.
Does her each out to Saphron and Terra, and seek their advice?
On a side note, great series. Looking to further posts as you have time.
Specialist J.A.
Winter: Specialist Jaune Arc. It has a nice ring to it. Don't you agree?
Jaune: It has a bit of ring to it... But, it's not as special as you're making it sound.
Winter: You should be proud, Jaune: You're the youngest person to ever be accepted as a, Specialist, and the first person of none, Atlasian descent to become one. So, take pride in your accomplishments, Jaune.
Jaune: Okay, being the first none, Atlasian to join the, Specialist doesn't sound like that much of an achievement. But, am I really the youngest member?
Winter: Oh yes, I was twenty when I joined, most others, Specialist were around twenty one as well when they joined. You are nineteen years old; You are the youngest member to ever join the, Specialist!
Jaune: Wait really...? Wait, twenty? Does that mean you're around twenty three then?
Winter: Careful, Arc... You should know better than to ask a lady her age...
Jaune: I-I-I'm sorry! I've just been curious how old are!
Winter: And, why do wish to know that?
Jaune: I was just curious!
Winter: Curious...?
Jaune: Yeah. You have this ageless beauty about you, Winter. So, I've always been curious.
Winter: Ageless beauty...?
Winter: Ahem! So... So what do you think of your new uniform?
Winter changed the topic as she looked away from, Jaune hiding a faint blush threatening to spread across her face. Meanwhile, Jaune looked at his reflection taking in his new, Specialist uniform.
It wasn't what, Jaune had expected, but he loved it nonetheless. It was similar to the uniforms to the rest of the, Specialist work as in style.
Jaune's uniform was more of a long sleeve sweater than a dress shirt. A zipper ran up the middle of it to the high collar. A sleave that ran over zipper to connect to a series of buckle buttons on the side. The front was a vibrant white with red stripes running along the side. The rest was the vibrant deep blue that was commonly found on, Atlasian uniforms.
His blue denim jeans had been replace with black combat cargo pants, giving him extra pockets to store necessary supplies. His boots had also been chaged for more modern combat boots, rather than the surplus boots, Ruby tends to wear. He found the boots quite nice, there was space in the boots he could fit something like a knife in it, perhaps her should do something like that.
Jaune: I didn't expect the blue would fit me so well. I know the red, and white suit me. But, I was never sure of the blue.
Winter: The blue is quite fetching on you; it matches your eyes quite well.
Jaune: Really? T-Thanks...
Winter: Your welcome. So, how does your armour feel?
Jaune: Mmmm... It feels a little tight; I think I need to ask one of the armourers to readjust it for me.
Winter: I see... Well, you can ask the armourers to resize it for you, that shouldn't be a problem for them. In fact, they could forge you new armour if you want.
Jaune: New armour? I know my armour is pretty good as it is, but would I be able to get some of that, Paladin Armour plating if I asked?
Winter: Hmmm...?
Winter: That’s a possibility… You'll have to ask about it.
Jaune: Okay, I'll ask them to remake, Crocea Mors then... It's probably best if I ask for, General Ironwood’s permission first. I suspected considering the metal this is used for your, Paladins its restricted from personal use.
Winter: While I'm not sure about that myself. But, I'm sure he'll agree to it, at least he may eventually let you do that. Once you prove your worth to, Atlas.
Jaune: That's fair. He's already upgraded my gear as is. It feels a little greedy of me to ask for another upgrade.
Winter: So, everything alright with your new uniform, Jaune?
Jaune: My armour is a little snug, but everything else is just fine. But, what's with this sash?
Jaune pulled out a deep rich crimson sash with a white snowflake pattern on the edge of it. Jaune looked at the beautiful needle work before staring at, Winter. She looked away as a small blush crossed her face.
Jaune: Winter?
Winter: I uhh... I got you a gift...
Jaune: A gift?
Winter: Yes, a gift to celebrate you're joining the, Specialist core. I would have gotten you something else, but I wasn't sure what... what you would like...
Jaune ran his thumb across the sash marveling on the smooth fabric, and the intricate detail woven into the snowflake.
His mind wondered at the red sash, he wore, Pyrrha's stash as a memento of her, the gold of his armour was also from her. He worse it keep her close to him. But, maybe...?
Winter: Do you... Do you like it, Jaune?
Jaune's mind was running until he saw a flash of red, and gold in his eyes, his eyes moved up to see the ghost of, Pyrrha looking at him. A smile spread across her face as she nodded her head, and gestured to the sash. Jaune's eyes darted to the crimson sash in his hands before looking back at, Pyrrha, and realizing she was gone.
Jaune smiled as his hands reached down, and grab the sash before wrapping it around his waist. Jaune looked down at the sash, then at it in his reflection. He nodded his head before turning to look at, Winter with a smile on his face.
Jaune: Thank you, Winter, it's beautiful.
Jaune hand pulled on the sash to move it so it ran parrel with his hip, while he was fiddling with it, Winter stepped forward, and readjusted it so it would look better.
Winter: Oh thank goodness... I was worried you wouldn't like it. I rarely get presents for my siblings, I've never gotten one for someone else so I was really... worried...
Winter's rambling was cut short as she finished adjusting, Jaune's sash before standing back up staring directly into, Jaune's cerulean blue eyes, their faces mere centimeters apart.
Jaune: I uhhh...
Winter: Y-Yes...?
Red slowly creeped across their faces before the game of chicken was called to the end as the both turned away,. Brushing away their blushes in the process.
Winter: S-So... did... Did you tell your teammates about you're appointment to the, Specialist's?
Jaune: Uhh... no.
Winter: Do you plan to?
Jaune: They'll find out eventually. Just like when I learned that they forgot to invite me to, Ruby's birthday party the other day.
Winter: What? They did, when?
Jaune: They texted me my invitation when I was about to talk to, General Ironwood about me becoming a, Specialist.
Winter: The message you said was from, 'no one important.'
Jaune: Yep, that one.
Winter: You don't see them as anyone important in your lives now do you?
Jaune: Just returning the favour...
Winter: I see. Well then... Specialist Arc!
Jaune: Sir!
Winter: Are you ready for your first mission as a, Specailst?
Jaune: Yes, Sir!
Winter: Good! You will follow me to the cafeteria where we, Specialist will be holding your initiation!
Jaune: Yes, Sir. May I ask what this incitation process will be, Sir?
Winter: Yes, to survive, Marrows cooking!
Jaune: ...
Jaune: Eh?
Winter: The incitation is just a simple welcome party with food, drink, and cake that we, Specialist have. We're expected to each bring in our own food, hand crafted, or store bought. Marrow insists on bringing his family's chili recipe.
Winter: It taste terrible...
Jaune: Chili? Well... now I'm worried about the surviving bit... Should I bring something?
Winter: If you want to, but you're the guest of honour you don't have to.
Jaune: Why don't I cook something edible then. Something we can all enjoy.
Winter: You can cook?
Jaune: Seven sisters, and not a chef among the lot of them.
Winter: Well then, I'm looking forward to whatever it is you plan to make.
Jaune: When is the party?
Winter: This evening around six.
Jaune: That give me... five hours. I can whip up something nice by then. I best get to it. But, I'm going to change first. Don't want flour on my new uniform now.
Winter: I'll see you later then.
Jaune: till later then.
Winter soon made her way to the exit as, Jaune started unbuckling his armour. As the door opened, Winter stopped to say one last thing to, Jaune.
Winter: Oh, and Jaune...?
Jaune: Yes?
Winter: You... You don't need to call me, Sir, or Specialist Schnee... Just call me, Winter, okay?
Jaune: Okay... Winter...
Winter: Thank you~!
Winter smiled a sweet smile as she left, leaving, Jaune behind dumbfounded as he nervously swallowed.
Jaune: Shit...
Jaune: She does like me...
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Hey girl, while I am jet-lagged from a trip, another Elijah idea came to me. Memory-free Elijah (Season 5) meets strong and confident human readers, and they start a friendship. She helps him navigate through his new life, and he falls for her. He also kinda forgot that he is a really skilled lover, so it's kinda cute and fluff because he is nervous and sweet, but I imagine that is something he would quickly remember after a few rounds :)
Btw: love, love, love Kinktober!!!
Belonging
18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}
{Elijah Mikaelson x Reader} You needed a roommate, and he needed a place to belong...but as secrets unravel and his dark past comes to light, your new housemate might just change your life forever.
♡♡ ahhh @originals23 thank you for another spectacular request!! ♡♡
8.8k words {whoops} - Warnings: sssmmuuttt, roommates-to-lovers, lots of sexual tension, Elijah being charming and mysterious, a dash of angst, mild language, protective Elijah, soft and nervous Elijah, domestic fluff, dangerous encounters (brief physical assault), Paris, vampire reveals && all the feelsss
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@origshipfan @cocoabliss @elishi03
Money was tight, as it seemed to be for everyone these days. The economy wasn't kind, and you had bills to pay. You needed a roommate, which was how you found yourself on craigslist. You were hoping for a good, sane human being, but at the end of the day, you would take what you could get.
The first person to show up for the interview was a woman and her very obnoxious boyfriend. You could instantly tell that this would not work, even if you were desperate. She wanted to smoke in the house and have friends over to play loud music and drink all night. You would rather die.
Next came a middle-aged man who immediately gave you the creeps. You had no problem living with men in general, but this guy made you uncomfortable. He stared at you too much and had a weird look in his eyes. You kicked him out quickly, feeling uneasy.
You were about to give up for the day, when a man dressed in slightly worn clothes knocked on the door. You couldn't quite get a read on him, he seemed to be full of contradictions. On the one hand, he didn't look to have a lot of money, perhaps he was even homeless. But his skin was clean, his hair neatly trimmed, and he had an air of confidence that was rare to see.
You invited him in, and he sat at the kitchen table as you asked the usual questions. None of them he could really answer in a straightforward manner.
"Where are you from?"
"I'm not really sure."
"How old are you?"
"I don't know that either."
"Where do you work?”
"I...I'm looking."
You studied him for a minute, and he gave you a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry. I know this is a bit unusual, and I wouldn't have bothered coming here if I had anywhere else to go. The truth is, I have no memories of who I am, where I'm from, or even my age."
"That's...that's a lot to take in," you replied, not sure what else to say.
He nodded solemnly, his gaze steady but filled with vulnerability. “It is. I woke up a month ago on a bus with no memory of how I got there. All I had was this,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a single, ornate cufflink with an engraved ‘E.’ “I think my name starts with an ‘E.’ Beyond that, I don’t have much to go on.
You leaned back in your chair, trying to process the situation. He could have been lying… anyone could come up with a story like that. But something about his demeanor struck you as sincere. He didn’t have the desperation of someone looking for a quick handout. He carried himself with dignity, even as he admitted he had nothing.
"Okay," you said slowly. "So, let’s say I believe you. You’ve got no memories, no job, no ID. How do you plan to contribute if I let you stay here?”
He straightened in his chair, his expression resolute. “I may not remember who I was, but I’m willing to work. I’m a fast learner, and I can help with anything you need around the house. Cleaning, repairs, anything physical...I’ll earn my keep.”
You raised an eyebrow. “You sure sound confident for someone who doesn’t even know their own name.”
A small, shy smile tugged at his lips. “I suppose some things are instinctual.”
His charm wasn’t lost on you, but you weren’t about to make a decision based on a smile. “And what if you’re dangerous? You could be an escaped convict for all I know.”
His smile faded, and his expression turned serious. “I understand your concern. I don’t believe I’m a danger to anyone, but I can’t offer you proof of that. All I can promise is that I’ll respect your home and your rules.”
You studied him for a long moment, weighing the risks. Something about him made you want to trust him, even though logic told you not to. Maybe it was the way he spoke, all articulate and thoughtful, as though he’d once been someone important. Or maybe it was the quiet sadness in his eyes, the kind that suggested he’d lost something far greater than his memory.
"Alright," you said finally. "You can stay. But there are rules. No bringing strangers into the house, no smoking, no loud music. And if you try anything shady, I’m calling the cops.”
Relief washed over his face, and he nodded earnestly. “Thank you. I promise you won’t regret this.”
You showed him to the spare bedroom, which was small but comfortable, and gave him a set of clean sheets and a towel. He looked around the room as though he’d never seen anything like it, running his fingers over the furniture with quiet curiosity.
As he settled in, you couldn’t help but wonder what kind of life he’d led before he lost his memory. He was polite and well-spoken, yet entirely out of place in the world. And though he seemed vulnerable now, there was something about him�� something strong and enduring, like a flicker of a flame waiting to reignite.
For now, you decided to take it one day at a time. After all, what’s life without a little risk?
The following months passed by quickly. You got closer and closer to each other, spending a lot of time together.
He had gotten used to the city life, and you had gotten used to having him around. It had been nice, having someone to come home to, and to talk to.
He was a lovely person, who enjoyed listening to classical music as he cooked, and who was always willing to lend a hand. He was smart, funny, and kind, and you were starting to fall for him.
You weren't sure if he felt the same way about you, but the way he looked at you sometimes, and the way he smiled at you, gave you hope.
You were sitting in the living room, reading a book, while he cooked dinner. The smell of his cooking was making your stomach growl, and you were looking forward to eating whatever he had prepared.
"I found out something interesting today," he said, coming into the room with a bowl of salad.
"What's that?" You asked, putting your book down.
"My name," he said, a slight smirk on his face. "My full name, I mean."
"You did?!" You exclaimed, excitedly.
"Yep," he confirmed, looking pleased with himself. "It's Elijah."
"Elijah," you repeated, testing out the name. "I like it. It suits you."
He smiled, and the sight of his dimples made your heart skip a beat. He was so striking, and you wondered if there was someone out there missing him. Someone who loved him.
"It does," he agreed, his smile fading a little.
"So, how did you find out? Did it just come to you, or did you remember?" You asked.
"Actually... I uh.. ran into someone who claimed to know me. He wasn't very friendly," he explained.
"Oh no, are you okay?" You asked, concerned.
"I'm fine," he assured you. "I wasn't hurt. Just... I don't know, it was odd."
"Odd how?"
"He was angry, and he told me I wanted this, and that I should leave the city for the sake of a woman he wouldn't name," he recalled.
"That's awful," you said, feeling sorry for him.
"Yeah," he sighed.
"Do you have any idea who the woman is?" You asked.
"... I think she might be my family?" He said, looking unsure. "It's hard to explain, but when he mentioned her, it felt like something clicked, and I knew that he was telling the truth."
"Wow, that's big," you breathed.
"I know," he nodded, plating up the food. "It's strange, I don't remember anything about my life, but the mention of her... It felt right."
"Maybe it'll trigger your memories," you suggested, helping him bring the food over to the table.
"Maybe," he agreed.
The two of you sat down to eat, and the conversation shifted to more pleasant topics.
He talked about his favorite books, and his favorite places in the city, and you listened, enjoying his company.
After dinner, you cleared the table, and put the dishes in the dishwasher. And he prepared for his nightly walk, one he didn't want you joining him on.
"Can I join you tonight?" You asked, as he grabbed his jacket.
"Why?" He asked, sounding surprised.
"Because I want to spend more time with you," you explained, hoping he wouldn't think it was too weird.
"Oh," he said, a smile creeping across his face. "Truly, I would love for you to join... But tonight, I want to clear my head. I need some time alone."
"Okay," you agreed, a little disappointed.
"Tomorrow night, perhaps," he said, placing a gentle kiss on your cheek.
You blushed, and watched him leave. He always had an excuse as to why he had to go out on his own, and it was starting to bother you. You couldn't help but worry that he was hiding something from you, or that maybe he didn't feel the same way about you, and this was his subtle way of letting you down.
Perhaps it was the wine, or perhaps it was your growing feelings for him, but you decided to follow him, just this once.
You grabbed a coat and put on a pair of boots, and slipped out the front door. It was a cold, windy night, and you cursed yourself for not bringing a scarf and gloves.
You could see Elijah's silhouette ahead, and you followed him, keeping your distance. He walked with such grace and confidence, the sort of walk that screamed 'I'm rich and powerful,' although his personality hardly lined up with that attitude.
You had a feeling that whoever he was, before he lost his memories, had a lot of money. It was in the way he carried himself, the way he spoke, and the way he could make a cheap t-shirt look elegant.
He wandered into a sketchy part of town, and you wondered why he would want to come here. There were several run-down buildings, and a lot of graffiti. The only people you saw were homeless and drug addicts, and you were starting to get scared.
Finally, he stopped outside an abandoned warehouse. You watched from afar as he walked inside, and a few minutes later, came back out, wiping his mouth. You frowned, wondering what he had been doing in there.
Then, without warning, he turned around and started walking back towards the house.
"Fuck," you muttered, ducking into an alleyway.
You waited until he had passed, and then followed him, staying out of sight. He went back in a different direction, and after a few blocks, you realised he was headed for a park.
You followed him, trying to stay quiet, but your footsteps echoed loudly in the night. You felt foolish, and hoped that he hadn't heard you.
He led you deeper into the park, to an area that was mostly secluded. There was a large tree, with a bench underneath it. He sat down on the bench, and stared up at the sky, which was covered in stars.
You watched him for a moment, wondering if this was his way of relaxing, and what was going through his mind.
Suddenly, his eyes locked onto yours. You gasped and took a step back, your heart racing.
"Are you going to join me, or just keep spying on me?" He asked, his voice amused.
"I wasn't spying," you lied, sitting down next to him.
"Of course not," he replied, his tone clearly mocking you.
"Why are you here?" You asked.
"I like the fresh air, and the view is beautiful," he answered.
"What were you doing in that warehouse?"
"Just clearing my head," he said, his expression becoming serious. "You shouldn't be out here, it's dangerous."
"You are out here," you countered.
He laughed, his eyes crinkling up in the corners.
"That's true," he agreed, looking out into the darkness, his eyes scanning the shadows. His shoulders were tense, and you could tell that he was on alert, even though you were both sitting safely under the tree. "Let's walk back, shall we?"
He stood up and held out his hand. You took it and he helped you to your feet.
"I'm sorry," you apologised, feeling guilty. "I shouldn't have followed you, but I was worried about you."
"It's alright," he said, keeping a grip on your hand as you walked down the path to the park exit.
You enjoyed the feeling of his hand in yours, the warmth of his skin. You glanced at his profile, admiring his handsome features. You noticed the frown on his face, his dark eyes once again scanning the shadows.
He moved a little faster, pulling you along. He seemed anxious to get out of the park, and back to the safety of your condo.
"What's wrong?" You asked, sensing his unease.
"It's nothing," he replied, his tone serious. "But I think it's best we get home, don't you?"
Then the sound of gravel crunching beneath shoes caught your attention. You turned to see a group of men walking towards you, wearing dark clothing, their faces hidden.
Elijah stopped and stepped in front of you, shielding you from the men. They approached slowly, spreading out to surround you. You were frightened, and you held onto his arm, hoping he knew what to do.
One of the men reached into his pocket and pulled out a gun. Casually holding it by his side, as if it was a normal object, instead of a deadly weapon.
"Good evening, gentlemen," Elijah said, his tone calm and confident. "How may I be of service?"
The leader of the group chuckled, and shook his head.
"Hand over your money, and no one gets hurt," the man demanded, gesturing the gun at Elijah.
"Of course," Elijah said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. He handed it to the man, and the man flipped through it, counting the cash.
"A little light, don't you think?" The man asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm afraid I don't carry much cash on me," Elijah said, sounding apologetic.
The man's eyes narrowed, and he took a step closer, his gaze flicking between you and Elijah.
"Perhaps you should let the lady go, and we can discuss this like civilized men," Elijah suggested, his tone still polite, but his eyes had hardened.
"I don't think so," the man replied, his grip on the gun tightening.
"I uh... don't have anything," you stammered, too terrified to think straight. "I...I left my wallet at home,"
"Liar," the man spat, pointing the gun at you.
Elijah stepped in front of you, putting himself between you and the gun.
"Now, now, there's no need for that," Elijah said, holding up his hands. "We're all reasonable people, let's not resort to violence."
"Then, perhaps, we should take her fancy designer clothes instead. Maybe that'll make up for the loss," the man said, his tone threatening, pressing the barrel of the gun against Elijah's chest.
Elijah tensed, and a low growl escaped his lips. You looked at him in surprise, he didn't seem like the type of guy who would react to threats this way.
The leader's eyes widened, and a small grin appeared on his face.
"Ooh, we have a tough guy here," he said, sounding amused. "Trying to impress your date? She’ a little young for you ain't she?"
His goons laughed, and you felt your cheeks flush.
"She is none of your concern," Elijah replied, his tone sharp.
"Actually, she is. You see, I'm in charge here," the man said, he looked at you and smiled, revealing a mouth full of yellow teeth. "Strip. Now. Or I will shoot your sugar daddy in the fucking face,"
Your eyes widened and you shook your head.
"No, no please, we'll give you anything you want, just don't hurt us," you begged, tears welling up in your eyes.
"Clothes. NOW!" The man yelled, pointing the gun at your face.
You hesitated, and he grabbed your hair, yanking you away from Elijah.
"Take off the fucking clothes, or I will kill you both," the man snarled, his breath hot on your face, the barrel of the gun pressed against your temple.
"Alright, alright, don't hurt her," Elijah said, taking off his coat.
"Hurry up," the man snapped, releasing your hair.
You nodded and started to undress, tears streaming down your cheeks. You stripped off your coat and scarf, then pulled off your shirt and pants, shivering as the cold night air hit your bare skin.
You looked at Elijah, who was watching you, his expression unreadable. You could see the muscles in his jaw working, his hands balled into fists.
You were scared, but more than that, you were angry. You hated these men, for the way they were treating you and Elijah, and for the fear and shame they were making you feel.
"There, I'm naked," you said, trying to sound brave.
"Not quite," the man replied, stepping forward. He ran his hands over your body, his fingers rough against your skin, the gun still pressed to your temple.
You flinched, and he chuckled.
"Don't worry, sweetheart, I'm not going to rape you," he said, his hand cupping your breast. "You're not my type."
He moved his hand down, stroking your stomach, and then lower, his fingers brushing against the fabric of your panties. You shuddered, and he laughed again.
"But, maybe you'd like a little fun," he whispered, his lips close to your ear.
"That's enough, you've gotten what you wanted, now leave us alone," Elijah demanded, his voice low and dangerous.
"It seems your sugar daddy doesn't want to share," the man said, his tone mocking. "He keeps pretending like he's in charge,"
"Please, let us go," you pleaded, your voice breaking.
"No, I think I'm going to keep you," the man replied, wrapping his arm around your waist, holding you against his chest.
"You won't harm her," Elijah warned, his eyes blazing.
"Or what?" The man sneered, his fingers digging into your skin.
"I'll kill you," Elijah growled, his voice deadly.
You watched in horror as the other men laughed, raising their guns at Elijah. He didn't even blink, his gaze fixed on the man holding you.
"Is that a threat?" The man asked, his grip on you tightening.
"A promise," Elijah replied, his expression was eerily calm, but his eyes were filled with anger and determination.
The man pressed the barrel of the gun against your skull, the cold metal pressing painfully into your skin. You gasped, and he laughed, the sound sending a chill down your spine.
"Walk away, and I'll let her go," the man said, his gaze locked on Elijah.
Elijah looked at you, and his eyes softened.
"Do you trust me?" He asked, his voice soft, barely audible above the sound of your racing heartbeat.
"Yes," you answered, without hesitation.
He smiled, and turned to the man. "Then duck,"
Before the man could respond, Elijah lunged at him, his hand grabbing the wrist holding the gun. The man yelped, and you ducked down, just as Elijah's knee connected with his face. There was a sickening crack, and the man cried out, letting go of the gun.
Elijah caught it before it hit the ground, and other men began firing, hitting Elijah in the chest over and over, but he stood there unfazed, almost bored, like they were annoying pests and nothing more.
One of the men, realizing his bullets were useless, rushed forward and swung a fist, hitting Elijah in the jaw. Elijah didn't budge, grabbed him by the throat and lifted him into the air. The man gasped, and tried to pry his hand off, but Elijah's grip was too strong.
You watched in awe as Elijah crushed the man's throat, his expression blank. Then, he threw him aside, the sound of bones snapping echoed in the air.
The other men backed away, their faces pale. Elijah ignored them, taking his leather jacket and putting it over your shoulders, before turning his attention to the leader.
The man was kneeling on the ground, clutching his broken nose. He looked up at Elijah, his eyes wide with fear.
"P-please," the man stammered, holding up his hands. "I'm s-sorry,"
Elijah stared at him, his expression cold. "No you are not,"
He crushed the gun in his hands like it was tissue paper, and grabbed the man by the throat. The man choked, his hands clawing at Elijah's arm.
"I promised you that I would kill you, and I intend to keep my word," Elijah said, his voice devoid of emotion.
You watched in horror as he tightened his grip, and the man's face turned purple. You wanted to look away, but couldn't tear your eyes from the scene.
Elijah's expression was a mixture of rage and hatred, his face was no longer human, he had completely black eyes, with veins snaking across his face, and his teeth were razor sharp, almost fang like.
He snapped the neck with a loud crack, and dropped the man to the ground. The other men backed away further, their guns forgotten, the color drained from their faces.
Elijah looked at them, and smiled, his fangs glinting in the moonlight.
"Run," he commanded, his voice dark and deadly.
The men fled, tripping over their own feet, disappearing into the shadows. Elijah turned to look at you, his eyes soft yet completely inhuman.
"Are you alright?" He asked, his voice gentle.
You nodded, unable to speak. You were terrified, but not of him.
"Close your eyes and count to thirty, I'll be right back," he said, and then turned and followed the men.
You watched him run off faster than any human could, and you closed your eyes tightly, hearing screams and cries as he caught the men. You waited, counting down from thirty, and then you heard his footsteps and opened your eyes, his face once again normal, the only hint that he had been a monster moments ago was the blood staining his shirt.
He didn't say a word, just reached out his hand and helped you to your feet. He picked up your clothes and helped you dress, your hands were shaking so badly that you could barely button up your shirt.
When you were dressed, he wrapped his arms around you, and held you close, his warmth enveloping you.
"S-shouldn't we call the cops?" You asked, still in shock.
"There will be no need," he replied, his voice calm and soothing.
You looked at the bodies of the men, and then quickly looked away. Elijah had torn them apart, their limbs twisted and contorted in impossible ways. Their faces were frozen in expressions of terror, their eyes empty and lifeless.
"You're not human are you?" You asked, your voice barely a whisper.
"I'm more human than them," he replied, his grip on you tightening a little. "Let's get out of here, and I'll explain everything."
"Okay," you said, letting him guide you away from the bodies.
You felt numb, and you let him lead you out of the park, your mind struggling to process what had happened. Who was this man? This creature beyond comprehension?
Who had you let into your home?
The sound of the kettle whistling pulled you from the daze you had been in. You were sitting on the sofa, wrapped in multiple blankets, Elijah's coat draped across your lap.
You watched him move about the kitchen, his movements confident and sure.
"Here," he said, handing you a mug of hot tea.
"Thank you," you said, taking a sip.
He sat down next to you, his body close to yours. He placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, and you flinched.
"I'm not going to hurt you," he promised.
"But you killed them," you whispered, your eyes watering.
"I did," he confirmed, his voice calm and steady.
"How?" You asked, looking up at him.
"I have... certain abilities," he said, choosing his words carefully. "Abilities that make me stronger, faster, and more dangerous than any human."
You put your mug down on the table and turned to him, studying his face. He was watching you intently, his eyes filled with concern.
"Are you... are you an alien?" You asked, a hint of fear in your voice.
He laughed, the sound a pleasant rumble.
"No, I'm not an alien," he assured you.
"What are you then?"
"I'm...well.. I think I'm a vampire," he said, sounding uncertain.
A burst of disbelief mixed with terror erupted within you, and you let out a hysterical laugh.
"Vampire," you repeated, shaking your head. "Like Edward Cullen?"
"I don't know who that is," he said, frowning.
You let out another laugh, your mind reeling. It wasn't possible. Vampires weren't real.
"Y/N," he said, his voice serious. "I know this is a lot to take in, but please believe me. I am a vampire. I can't explain how or why, but it's true."
You let him talk as you grabbed your phone and searched up vampires. Showing it to him, and telling him to look at the search results.
"Sparkle in the sun? Not as far as I am aware," he commented, frowning.
"Holy water? Crucifixes?" You pressed.
"I'm not particularly religious," he said, a small smile tugging at his lips.
"Garlic?" You questioned.
"I love garlic," he replied, grinning.
"Can you fly?" You asked, wondering how many myths were true.
"I'm not sure," he said, his brows furrowed in concentration. "I've never tried."
He stood up and did a little hop with his arms raised in the air, like some sort of weird bird. You snorted and covered your mouth with your hand, trying not to laugh.
"No flying," he concluded, sitting back down.
"So, how old are you?" You asked.
"No idea," he said, a sad look on his face.
"Oh my god, what if you are like one hundred years old?" You asked, your mind racing with possibilities.
"Perhaps," he mused.
You paused at the next item on the list of vampire traits, and hesitated before asking.
"And the other thing... blood," you read, your stomach turning at the thought.
"Yes," he admitted, a look of shame crossing his face.
"So, when you went into that warehouse…?" You began, remembering how he had returned, wiping his mouth.
"I was hungry, and I needed to eat," he said, his voice low.
"So you just went and killed someone?" You asked, unable to keep the judgement out of your voice.
"No, he was very much alive, just passed out," he explained.
"And you didn't kill him," you pressed, not entirely convinced.
"I didn't," he insisted.
"But what if you did? What if the next time you went to get some 'sustenance' you did actually kill them?" You asked, starting to panic.
"Y/N," he said softly, taking your hand. "I would never hurt you,"
You looked at his face, searching for any signs that he was lying. But his eyes were filled with nothing but sincerity, and a hint of sadness. His gaze drifted to your lips, and his expression changed, becoming softer, and a little more intimate.
You quickly looked away, back to the list of vampire facts, and cleared your throat.
"Mind control," you read, and felt his gaze linger on you.
"Not to my knowledge," he replied.
"You can't enter a house without being invited," you continued, and his hand tightened around yours.
"Is that a request, or a demand?" He asked, his tone playful.
"It's a question," you countered, blushing slightly.
"Yes, but most invite me in without hesitation," he said, giving your hand a light squeeze. "You did,"
"Oh," you muttered, feeling a little embarrassed.
Your eyes went back to the mind control section, and a thought crossed your mind.
"Have you used mind control on me?" You asked, a sense of unease washing over you.
"I don't know," he admitted. "If I have, I'm not aware of it."
"Oh," you mumbled, not knowing what to say, but curiosity got the better of you. "Try to, make me do something,"
"Like what?"
"I don't know, something harmless," you said, thinking for a moment. "Make me sing a song,"
"Very well," he agreed, looking thoughtful.
You waited, expecting to start singing. But nothing happened.
"Do you feel any different?" He asked.
"No, nothing," you said, disappointed.
"I don't know what else to suggest," he said, a frown marring his features.
"I don't know, look me in the eye and tell me to do it? Like... Tell yourself you can do it? I don't know… maybe it's a belief thing…?" you offered.
He nodded, and then turned to look directly at you. His dark eyes were intense, and his lips curved into a smile.
"Sing me a song, sweet girl," he said, his voice echoing strangely in your mind.
You told yourself not to sing, to sit quietly and not react. You repeated it over and over, until the words were all that was in your head.
But his voice seeped into the ribbons of your brain, dancing behind your eyes. You lost your awareness of time and space, and suddenly, a melody rose up from within you.
You opened your mouth and the words came tumbling out, and you started singing an old song that had been stuck in your head for days.
Elijah sat back and looked surprised, a small smile on his lips. You stopped singing, your face flushing in embarrassment.
"Holy shit," you gasped, a strange sensation creeping through your mind, like cobwebs being blown away. "It worked,".
"You have a lovely voice," he said, his tone gentle and kind.
"How did you do that?" You asked, feeling unnerved.
"I don't know," he admitted, a hint of confusion in his eyes. "I just believed that I could, and you did as I asked,"
You suddenly stood up, tossing the blankets off of you and heading to your wine rack.
"I need a drink," you declared, and picked a random bottle.
You poured yourself a generous amount, and drank it all in one gulp. Then poured yourself another glass. You looked over at him, and noticed the way his eyes followed the glass as it reached your lips.
"Do you want some?" You asked, the wine giving you courage.
"No, thank you," he replied.
You sat back down on the sofa, and took a long sip. Thinking about all the possibilities of what his vampire status meant.
"Could you mind control my mortgage payments away?" You joked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Possibly," he said, smiling a little.
"Could you use your super speed to clean my apartment?" You teased, taking another sip.
"You're not thinking big enough," he replied, his grin growing wider. "I would love to leave this city, find a home in a new town and live a normal life."
"I'm not sure normal is something you could ever be," you quipped, raising an eyebrow.
"You might have a point," he conceded, his tone wistful.
He pointed to the artwork on your walls, you had purchased them at Ikea ages ago. They were those generic wanderlust posters of different famous travel destinations.
"Pick one," he said.
"What?"
"I'll take you there," he offered, his voice soft.
"Seriously?"
"I owe you so much, I think this is the least I can do," he replied.
You stared at him, your mind struggling to process his offer. Was he for real? Was he really willing to take you around the world?
"Paris," you blurted out, a blush rising to your cheeks. "I've always wanted to go,"
"Paris it is," he agreed, and your heart skipped a beat.
"Really?" You asked, unable to hide the excitement in your voice.
"Absolutely," he said, his tone sincere. "I would love nothing more than to take you."
"That's so sweet," you gushed, your face heating up even more.
"So, Paris?" He asked, his eyes lighting up with excitement.
"Yeah," you agreed, nodding your head.
"Then we will leave first thing in the morning," he said, his expression brightening.
"But I have work... I need to take time off-" you started to say.
"Forget about all of that," he cut you off, his tone gentle. "I can mind control people, remember? I'll just take care of everything,"
You laughed, the ridiculousness of the situation finally hitting you. He was a vampire, who had mind control powers, and was offering to take you on a trip to Paris.
"This is insane," you giggled, feeling slightly hysterical.
"Indeed," he agreed, grinning.
You finished your wine and set the glass down on the coffee table. His proximity was starting to make you feel hot, and a little giddy.
"So," you began, trying to distract yourself. "I guess I'll go pack my bags,"
"I can buy you anything we need when we arrive," he suggested.
"Are we gonna fly? Like on a plane?"
"I was thinking that I could just jump really hard and we can just land in Paris," he said, a serious expression on his face.
"Oh shut up," you giggled, playfully smacking him on the shoulder.
He chuckled and shook his head.
You smiled and sat back, taking a moment to reflect on the day's events. It had been an emotional roller coaster, and your head was still reeling from the revelation that vampires were real, and sitting in your apartment. But the prospect of a trip to Paris made your heart flutter with joy.
"I can't believe I'm going to Paris," you said, letting out a happy sigh.
"We," he corrected, smiling.
"We," you echoed, a warm feeling spreading through you and a huge grin appearing on your face.
This was going to be the best vacation ever.
France was just as magical as you imagined it would be. Elijah took you to the most luxurious hotel in the city, and ordered a feast fit for royalty. The food was incredible, the atmosphere romantic, and the company... Well the company was a bit odd.
The vampire man, who could control humans with his mind, who had saved you from being mugged, and who was now whisking you around the world, was a little hard to ignore.
What was harder to ignore was the raging jealousy you felt every time someone flirted with him. He was like a magnet for hot people of all kinds, and they would flock to him like moths to a flame.
It was ridiculous really. How they would throw themselves at him, practically begging him to fuck them, and he would politely decline. You felt a surge of satisfaction, knowing that no matter how good looking they were, no matter how talented their tongue, his attention belonged to you.
You were currently strolling along the Seine, admiring the sights, when you noticed a group of young women watching Elijah.
"They're looking at you," you teased, nudging him with your elbow.
Elijah didn't bother looking up from his guidebook, but a smirk spread across his lips.
"I'm sure they are," he replied, sounding amused.
"Why are girls so obsessed with you?" You asked, unable to keep the annoyance out of your voice.
"I have been told I'm... As the young say these days, a snack," he said, laughing at his own joke.
You couldn't help but snort and laugh along with him. He was a complete dork sometimes, and it made him all the more endearing.
He looked over at you and smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He had been feeding from plenty of tourists, much healthier blood than the people he found on the streets of New York. His complexion was no longer the sickly grey it had been. Now he looked healthier, his skin glowing, and his eyes shining.
"Do you think I'm a snack?" He asked, his tone playful.
"I think you're an entire six course meal," you replied, trying to sound cool.
"Is that so?" He asked, an eyebrow raising.
You flushed and looked away, trying to hide your embarrassment. Why were you acting like such a teenager?
"Yeah," you murmured, fidgeting with your jacket zipper.
"Perhaps you'd like a bite," he said, his voice low and inviting.
"Oh stop it," you groaned, pushing him playfully.
"No seriously, I've seen how you look at me. You want to sink your teeth into me," he teased, giving you a wink.
"That's you, Mr. Vampire," you retorted, sticking your tongue out at him.
He grinned and reached for your hand, taking it in his and bringing it to his lips.
Your heart rate increased, and your cheeks flushed. You could feel the heat rising to your face, and you quickly pulled away.
"You're such a flirt," you finally managed, shaking your head. "I bet if you kissed the hand of one of those girls over there, they would swoon right into the river,"
"I could," he agreed, looking at the group of young women.
The group of girls noticed him looking and they quickly began giggling and whispering amongst themselves. One of the girls waved at him and he waved back, his expression playful.
You couldn't help but smile at his antics. He seemed much happier here in Europe than he did back home, and his smile was infectious.
"See, they are already falling over themselves for you," you laughed.
One of the girls broke off from the group and walked up to Elijah. She was stunning, with long blonde hair, and big brown eyes. She said something to him in French, and he laughed and responded.
When you landed in France, Elijah could speak French perfectly. He didn't even notice he was doing it until you called him out on it. Making you both wonder just how much knowledge was locked away inside his mind.
You couldn't understand what they were saying, but the conversation seemed lighthearted. He took your hand and kissed it again, before saying something else to the girl.
She giggled and looked at you, giving you a wide smile. "Zhou are very lucky to 'ave such a fine 'usband."
You were shocked by her words, and you could feel the heat rising in your cheeks.
"Oh, we're not married," you stammered, shaking your head.
"Oh," she said, her eyebrows raising. "'E is zee lover?"
You couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled out of you. The idea of Elijah being your lover was too ridiculous to consider. But before you could correct her again, he spoke up.
"Oui, je suis votre amant," he purred, a wicked grin spreading across his lips.
Your stomach clenched at his words, and your mind struggled to come up with a response.
"Oui, oui, très romantique," the girl giggled, giving you a knowing look. "I'll let you get back to your 'oneymoon,"
She waved at you, and you awkwardly waved back.You watched her join her friends, who all began whispering and giggling again, the blonde fanning herself dramatically and clutching her chest.
"Did you just tell her that we were lovers?" You asked, turning to look at him.
His lips twitched into a faint smile, though he avoided meeting your gaze. “I thought it might discourage her interest.”
Your irritation faltered, replaced by something warmer. “She’s beautiful, Elijah. Why wouldn’t you want her attention?”
He hesitated, his gaze dropping to the cobblestones. When he finally looked up, his dark eyes were steady but uncertain. “Because she’s not you.”
The world seemed to tilt, the bustling streets fading into silence. You stared at him, your chest tight.
“Elijah...” you began, but whatever you were about to say was lost as he leaned in, his lips brushing yours in a tentative kiss.
It was soft at first, hesitant, as though he were unsure if he was doing it right. But when you responded, your hands gripping his coat, your lips parting for him, his hesitation melted away. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer as the kiss deepened.
The sound of giggles broke the spell, and you pulled back, breathless and flushed. The group of girls was watching you, their laughter light and teasing, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.
Elijah’s forehead rested against yours, his breath warm against your skin. “Was that... acceptable?” he asked, his voice barely audible.
You laughed softly, your hand sliding to his jaw. “More than acceptable.”
Relief flickered across his face, though his cheeks were still flushed. “I wasn’t sure if I...” He trailed off, his uncertainty palpable.
“You were perfect,” you whispered, your thumb brushing over his cheek.
His lips curved into a small smile, and for a moment, the two of you simply stood there, the city alive around you but forgotten in the haze of the moment.
"That was my first kiss," he said with a small laugh.
You smiled, your hand cupping his cheek, tracing along his jawline. Taking in his handsome face, his deep brown eyes, his soft lips. You wanted more, you wanted it all.
"I have a strong feeling you've done that plenty of times before, you just don't remember," you teased, your gaze darting to his lips.
He let out a nervous chuckle, his fingers gently caressing your sides.
"Perhaps," he conceded, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
You stood on your tiptoes, and leaned in close, your lips inches away from his.
"Maybe I should refresh your memory," you said, your voice soft and flirty, "Back at our hotel,"
"Yes," he agreed, his smile growing wider. "And after, perhaps we could discuss this 'lover' business further,"
You snorted and playfully hit him on the shoulder, and his deep, sexy laugh echoed through the streets of Paris.
"Shut up, you are so cheesy," you giggled, your cheeks hurting from how wide your grin was.
He took your hand and kissed the top, his eyes never leaving yours.
"Let's go," he said, his voice warm and full of promise.
The two of you rushed down the street, and headed back to the hotel. The possibilities running through your head, making your heart pound with excitement.
Paris was already the most romantic place on earth, but now, with Elijah by your side, it was about to become unforgettable.
It had been quite a while since you last had sex, and you were feeling more than a little pent up. It also didn't help that Elijah was stupidly hot and a complete gentleman.
You had fantasized about him multiple times since the moment you met, and now the opportunity to make those dreams a reality was right in front of you.
You wondered what having sex with a vampire would be like, would he use his fangs? Would he be gentle or rough? You shivered, the thought exciting you more than it should.
The two of you rode the elevator up to your room in silence, both of you trying not to rush, but the tension was thick. He was holding your hand, and when the doors opened, you both hurried down the hall.
You let out a squeal as he scooped you up before you reached the door, carrying you the rest of the way. He used his supernatural speed, and before you could register what was happening, he was already kicking the door open and stepping inside.
You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks, and the excitement coursing through your veins. He gently placed you on the bed, and you let out a soft gasp as he crawled over you.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered, his voice low and soft.
You could feel the blush spreading across your face, and the heat pooling in your core. He kissed your neck, and you let out a soft moan.
"I confess I haven't done this before," he murmured against your skin, his hands caressing your sides.
"I really doubt that," you said with a laugh, your voice breathless. "Have you seen yourself? Whoever you were before you lost your memories... He was a ladies man, I can guarantee it,"
He laughed and shook his head, slowly unbuttoning your dress.
"I suppose I'll just have to rely on my instincts," he said, a playful grin spreading across his face.
And those instincts... were impeccable.
His hands were warm and gentle on your bare skin, his lips soft and teasing. He took his time taking off your dress, savoring the moment, until you were finally lying beneath him, completely naked.
Your heart was pounding in your chest, and you could feel the heat rising in your face. His eyes were dark and hungry, and you were desperately trying to keep your cool. But it was nearly impossible, especially with his perfect body looming over you.
You leaned up and kissed him, a deep, passionate kiss that left you breathless. Your hands tugged at his shirt, pulling it free from his pants. He chuckled, helping you remove his clothing. Your fingers traced along his firm chest, and down his arms, enjoying the feel of his skin.
You could tell he was a little nervous, his movements slow and tentative. He avoided your gaze, but kept glancing at you. A slight blush crept up his cheeks, and he let out a soft sigh.
"I do not wish to disappoint you," he confessed. "I fear I may fail at this task,"
You cupped his cheek, and gave him a soft smile.
"It's okay," you reassured him, your tone gentle. "We'll figure it out together,"
He nodded, and let out a shaky breath. You kissed him, trying to help him relax, and he returned the gesture with a little more confidence.
You gently guided his hands to where you wanted them, showing him what made you feel good. His fingers gently brushed over your slit, and a soft moan escaped you. He looked a little surprised, but his lips curved into a faint smile.
He began to explore, his thumb circling your clit. His movements were slow and deliberate, and you found yourself arching into his touch.
"Like this?" He asked, his voice soft and teasing.
"Mhm," you murmured, a blissful smile on your lips.
He kissed your neck, and you could feel his fangs brushing against your skin. The thought sent a shiver of excitement through you, and a soft moan slipped out.
His fingers eased inside you, curling just right, and you couldn't help but gasp. He let out a soft laugh, clearly enjoying the effect he was having on you.
"I take it that's the right spot?" He teased, his voice low and seductive.
"Mhm," you moaned, nodding your head.
"What a pretty little sound," he praised, his lips brushing against your ear.
Your hands clutched at his shoulders, and he continued his gentle assault on your senses. His fingers worked you slowly, and his lips on yours felt divine.
The heat was rising, and you could feel the pressure building inside you. His thumb teased your clit, and his fingers stroked you just right. Your hips rocked against his hand, and he let out a soft hum of approval.
"Elijah," you moaned, your voice low and breathless.
"Yes, sweetheart?" He murmured, his lips trailing down your neck.
"I'm so close," you panted, your nails digging into his skin.
"Go on," he urged, his fingers increasing their pace.
Your breath caught in your throat, your legs trembling. The heat was almost unbearable, and you could feel yourself teetering on the edge. You closed your eyes, lost in the sensation, and then it was crashing over you, wave after wave of pleasure washing over you.
You opened your eyes, and he was watching you with a bit of wonder in his gaze. You flushed, your heart still pounding in your chest. You could feel the heat in his eyes, and you knew he was enjoying this as much as you were.
When the aftershocks finally faded, he gently withdrew his fingers, his lips capturing yours in a tender kiss. You could feel his hardness pressing against you, and a sense of need overtook you.
You splayed your hands on his chest and pushed him onto his back, straddling him, and giving him a good view of your body.
He looked up at you with wide eyes, his lips parted and his cheeks flushed. He was gorgeous, and you felt a surge of pride knowing that he was yours.
Your hands were moving steadily downward, and when they reached his belt, you slowly started unbuckling it.
His breathing was getting heavier, his chest rising and falling rapidly as you touched him through his boxers. He let out a low groan, his hands reaching for your hips, pulling you closer.
You could feel the heat radiating from him, his arousal pressing against your core. His eyes were hooded, and his breathing was ragged. You slowly pulled his boxers down, his thick cock springing free.
"My my," you said with a smirk, taking his length in your hands and stroking him gently. "Is this all for me?"
He groaned, his hips rocking forward, eager for more contact.
"All yours," he panted, his voice low and husky.
You could see the desire in his eyes, the need burning within him. And as his fingers dug into your hips, guiding you into position, you couldn't help but let out a soft moan.
Slowly, you lowered yourself onto his length, hissing as he stretched and filled you.
"Oh," you moaned, your head tilting back as he bottomed out.
He was big, and it had been awhile, you reached out for him, and he sat up and took your hands, kissing each one.
"Are you alright?" He asked, his tone soft and concerned.
"Yes," you breathed, your eyes meeting his. "You feel really good,"
His lips curved into a satisfied smile, and his fingers caressed the small of your back, gently encouraging you to move.
You began rocking your hips, slowly at first, and then building up to a steady pace. You were panting, the friction delicious, and he was gripping your hips tightly, his own movements matching yours.
The room was filled with the sounds of your pleasure, the bed creaking beneath you, the headboard tapping against the wall. The scent of sex and desire permeating the air.
You could feel the flush spreading across your cheeks, and the heat building inside you. He was hitting all the right spots, and the look on his face was making you even more turned on.
He was watching you with such intensity, his gaze focused on your expression. Every time you moaned, or shuddered in pleasure, his lips would curve into a satisfied smirk, and his grip would tighten on your hips.
You were close, the pressure coiling within you, and you could tell he was close too. His movements were becoming more frantic, and his breathing was coming in short gasps.
You leaned forward, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. He responded eagerly, pushing you backwards, and pinning you beneath him. He gripped your hips tightly, his thrusts becoming harder, faster.
You cried out, your nails digging into his shoulders. You were so close, teetering on the edge, and then you felt his fangs brush against your neck, and that was all it took.
The pressure released, waves of pleasure washing over you, and you cried out, your legs shaking. He groaned, his movements becoming erratic, and then he was spilling himself inside you, his cock throbbing and twitching.
He collapsed on top of you, his breath hot on your neck, and his skin slick with sweat. Your fingers gently traced along his spine, and he let out a satisfied hum.
He rolled off of you, and laid down beside you, his hand reaching for yours. You laid on your side, and intertwined your fingers with his, a content smile on your lips.
"That was amazing," you breathed, letting out a soft laugh.
He chuckled, his eyes fluttering shut.
"I agree," he murmured, his tone soft and sleepy.
You gently kissed his forehead, and then his cheek, and his lips. He smiled, his eyes closed, his expression peaceful.
You had never seen him like this before, and it made your heart swell. You couldn't help but lean forward and place a kiss on his chest, right above his heart.
You scooted closer, resting your head on his chest, his heartbeat steady and reassuring.
"I love you," you whispered, your fingers gently tracing along his collarbone.
He stirred slightly, his lips curving into a faint smile.
"I love you too," he murmured, his voice thick with sleep.
You smiled, snuggling against him, and letting the warmth of his body lull you to sleep.
It had been a long, strange journey, and there were still so many questions left unanswered, but in that moment, none of that mattered.
All that mattered was the man next to you, and the promise of what the future held.
#elijah mikaelson#the originals#the vampire diaries#vampire diaries#tvdu#elijah mikaelson smut#elijah mikaelson imagine#elijah mikealson imagine#elijah mikealson#elijah mikaelson x reader#elijah mikealson x reader#tvd#the vampire diaries x you#the vampire diaries x reader#the vampire diares imagine#the vampire diaries imagine#the originals imagine
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We're sitting at the table I'm glaring at them. These heroes ("The Big Three" as they are known in the industry) are questioning me? ME? They're questioning ME???
These motherfuckers made me come to the Cape Crusaders big, tacky mansion to justify my actions to them?
The thing that pisses me off the most about their reservations is the fact that what I do IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than anything they could possibly do. These idiots just punch bad guys in the face and send them to prison, just so they can escape and start the cycle over from scratch.
I've already saved so many more lives than they ever will. I've made more of a positive impact on this planet than anyone will ever know.
Because my power is to stop disasters, and the most effective way to do that is to prevent them.
No one knows how many wars I've stopped before they began, how many diseases I found vaccines for before they became epidemics, how many cities and countries I've helped create infrastructure for so they could avoid being over run by natural disasters.
And my job is made even more difficult than it sounds because no one can truly fathom how bad things would be if I don't use my powers. I have to fight ppl tooth and nail to get it anything to happen because they don't know how bad it'll be if it's not acted on.
No one sees what I see. They don't feel what I feel. They'll never know the particular ache in my chest that somehow has has an entire narrative wrapped in it whenever a potential disaster hits me. An ache that is so powerful that it's made my knees buckle multiple times.
And the feeling doesn't dissipate until the disaster is fully prevented. It means that when I know something needs to be done, I have to make sure it's dealt with, or-
It's destroying me in a way. Doing so much, all the time, with no compensation or recognition.
The heroes at least know about my powers and know that I have nipped a bunch of really bad shit in the bud.
The villains thing has come up before and it's irritating. For years I thought it was because they were lazy and just were angling for help over shit that I didn't have time for, and in the big picture, didn't matter. Asking for even more help than I already provide.
I'm at my limit already.
But looking at these three at this table in this enormous, extravagant kitchen, it hits me how wrong I am.
These heroes don't have my powers. They can't foresee and stop disasters. For all they know, these clowns that rob banks and occasionally attack and murder people, could cause major disasters down the line. I'm not perfect, I can't stop all disasters. I have to sleep and eat and work a fucking day job.
I still feel residual aches from time to time for every disaster I've failed to stop.
They aren't trying to get more free work out of me, they're trying their best to figure out what villains can do major damage in the future.
They're scared.
"So, the way my powers work," I say while leaning back in my chair, "is that at some point, I know something will go from being an issue to a problem to a disaster. I can only intervene when I know it'll be disastrous, otherwise I can't use my powers, it's like they don't exist. Until something goes over the thresh hold of becoming a potential disaster, it's like I have no powers at all."
"How do you know when a disaster is going to happen? Is it like a vision?"
"It's more internal than that- it's like a feeling I guess...I'm not sure how to articulate it."
Huh, no one has ever bothered to ask me anything specific about my powers or the work I do. I don't have a lot of answers if they keep prodding.
"So, yeah, it's not that I'm neutral to villains, it's just all of the ones you guys been dealing with don't-" I yawned "- don't give me that feeling. I'll let you know if it changes."
I put my head in my hands. Fuck, I'm so tired. It's not like I can stop being a hero, I see the alternate world where I don't intervene, I feel it. But I'm so, so tired.
"Go take a nap."
My head shoots up, "What?"
The Masked Crusader (dumb ass name btw, just like his dumbass mansion) says it again, "Go take a nap. I'll make us all dinner. Go use my guest room and pass out for a bit.
Damn it, did I say I was tired out loud? Or was mind reading one of his superpowers? I can't remember, things have been so overwhelming recently, my memory is shot.
"No, the Masked Crusader can't read minds, that's me" Brainiac says.
Oh. Shit. Right.
"We just, we see you burning out, let us support you for once," chimed in the Singing Banshee.
This was not how I was expecting this conversation to go AT ALL.
Banshee continues, "You've got a lot of walls up, probably from years of running yourself into the ground saving thousands of people without any help. So, we're now going to help you."
"That's not a request by the way," the Masked Crusader says as he slides me a glass of water. "We're doing it whether you like it or not."
Shit, I hadn't even realized I was thirsty. Have I drank any water at all today?
And then *BOOM* I get hit with it- the feeling of an impending but preventable disaster. But it's different than any other disasters I "felt" before.
It's me... It's me, in the near future, collapsing and being unable to do anything about, well anything. I won't be able to stop future disasters, hell, I won't be able to function. And the only way to prevent it was to lean on these people.
This is a lot.
I chugged the rest of the water and wiped my mouth.
"Ok, thanks..." I whispered.
It's too much to think about right now. It's too much to feel right now. I'm not used to, I don't know, being taken care of. I don't know how to be supported.
I'll figure out a way to properly navigate this later. Right now I need to lay the hell down.
You're a superhero who specializes exclusively in stopping disasters. The other heroes just don't understand why you need to remain neutral to the villains…
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Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Serial Killers, Murder, Obsessions, Yandere tendencies, more to be added.
Chapter Seven
A/N: I am still pissed that I lost this entire chapter and had to rewrite it but I finally did it. Rewriting this I realize just how stupid I made the reader in this story my bad folks I promise I dont think you guys are all this dumb <3
Her fault? Her fault? People were dying because of her, she didn’t…how, why? In a panic she grabbed the phone again, punching her fingers harshly into the buttons. Kirk’s voice crackled through the phone warmly, Like cold water to a fresh burn it was soothing. “Hello?” He asked. It was enough to force Y/N’s mouth to part, finally pushing out the words in a panic.
“Kirk, fuck, its me, I need.” She gasped out as she dropped to the floor with the phone in her hand. Her legs finally gave out as the tear spilled out across her cheeks. “I need you to come over here, please, please.” Y/N begged, unable to explain any further. She was left a babbling mess as she cried into the phone.
“Y/N?” Kirk asked, confused. “What? What's wrong, calm down and breathe.” He instructed her gently, but when her sob broke over the phone he responded. ‘Oh shit, I’ll be right there.” Even as the phone went dead she clutched it to her chest like a lifeline. She jumped as her front door opened. Then Kirk was there, his hands gentle on her shoulders as he pulled her in against his chest. He hadn’t even had the chance to change out of his own wet clothes.
She felt the phone being pried away gently from her hands and placed back down, the incessant ringing of a dead line finally being silenced. Kirk was cautious with her as he helped her to her feet from the floor and sat her down on the couch. Her kneeled before her his eyes wide with concern, hands heavy on her knees as he grounded her back in reality. “What happened?” He asked gently.
How could she describe the phone call that had just transpired, how did, how did the caller know she had just got home. It had hardly been minutes since she entered her front door. He was watching her, he had to be. Every gaze she felt on her back in the middle of the night had to be real. “I got a call…” She finally mumbled, the shock coursing through her system had her eyes glazed over. “It’s him, the killer, the one on the news he’s calling me.”
The way Kirk’s face contorted made her stomach since. He didn’t believe her, he was going to think she was crazy. His eyebrows raised, lips curled up awkwardly into some sort of astounded half smile. “What are you talking about Y/N?” He asked, his voice a little lighter than it had been before. “Are you serious?”
“Yes I’m serious, I wouldn’t fucking lie about this!” She hissed, curling her hands into the collar of Kirk’s shirt, dragging him up a little further so he was eye level with her. She watched the surprise take over his face, his eyes hardening into something serious as he soaked in just how shaken up she was about this. “Oh god I need to-” She looked around in a panic, she didn't know what she needed to do. “I need to call the police.. I think.”
As she reached over for the phone again Kirk’s hand suddenly stopped her. “No,” He said quickly, pulling her shaking hand back down into her lap. She looked down at him in shock, her eyebrows furrowing. She parted her lips to protest against him once more when he shook his head to continue speaking. “That's not a good idea Y/N, they're not going to believe you.” He ran his thumb soothingly over the back of her palm. “Think about it, you were just down there today giving a witness statement and now you’re getting calls? The police are gonna think you’re making it up or you have some sort of…mental problem.”
That made sense…maybe? Y/N was hesitant, sure it seemed like an unlikely turn of events but shouldn’t they still know? What happens if it escalates further? But when she looked into Kirk’s soft eyes she figured he wouldn’t lead her astray. “Then what do I do?” She squeaked out. “I don’t want to be next, I don’t want anyone else to die because of me.”
Kirk could physically see the burden weighing down on her. "What do you mean because of you, this isn’t your fault Y/N…we will figure it out nothings gonna hurt you when I'm here okay?” He leaned up, sitting beside her on the couch and tugging her down into his chest, her cheek pressed against the damp fabric of his shirt. “I’m gonna help you figure this out…”
She believed him, she had no reason not to. The fierce determination in his voice soothing her aches and worries if only slightly. She nodded slowly. “Okay, I…Just don't want to be alone, m’scared.” She mumbled against him. Her arms wrapped around his back to curl her fingers into his shirt. His regular scent was mingled with the damp smell of lake water, he was cold to the touch. She knew she was in a similar state and she shivered.
“I won't leave you alone baby don’t worry.” He assured her gently. “Why don’t you come stay with me tonight?” He asked, pulling back to look down at her assuringly. He watched the unease settle into her eyes. “I already promised you I’m not going to try anything, I mean it, I just want to keep you safe near me.”
Y/N hummed in thought. She shouldn’t. Every logical part in her brain was screaming to call the police about it, call her parents, stay put. But when she drowned in those sweet honey brown eyes she spoke only with her heart. “Y-yeah, okay, let me just leave a note for m’parents that I’m spending the night.” She whispered as she shakily stood up and grabbed the notepad beside the phone. She made her best attempt to still her shaking hand as she scrawled out a hasty note. “You sure you’re mom wont mind?” She asked softly.
With a shake of his head Kirk smiled at her, maybe a bit too easily considering the situation they had found themselves in. “Nah, it’s fine, come here.” He wrapped an arm around her waist as he walked her to her front door again. He noticed the way her body stiffened and hesitated as they stepped back outside into the night, her eyes darting around the darkness. “Calm down, no one's out here, I'm right here.” He soothed her.
Oddly it didn’t do much to calm her nerves. She could feel it prickling across her skin, like she could sense the very presence of this sick and twisted aura. It prodded the back of her mind, even as they entered Kirks house, all the way up to his room. It didn’t go away, faded maybe to a dull throb but she still felt on edge…and cold, really fucking cold. “Can I shower?” She asked barely above a whisper.
“Oh, yeah shit of course.” Kirk nodded quickly, his eyes widening in a cute way as he realized just how much she looked like a shaking wet rat. “Down the hall to the left, I’ll find you something to wear, kay?” His hand traced along the small of her back comfortingly as she stumbled past him on uneasy legs. He watched her worriedly before he heard the door click behind her.
The warm water against her skin did little to wash away the shock of everything that had transpired in the course of a short half hour. Her eyes glazed over as she stared at the unfamiliar tiling in Kirk’s shower. His water ran just a little hotter than her own, reminders that she wanted the comfort of her own home right now. But she couldn't bear the thought of being alone knowing her parents wouldn’t be home till late so she would have to suck it up and stay with Kirk. Which of course wasn't all that bad.
Even if she felt uneasy she was with someone else, he was protective of her. He was the only other safe option she knew. She didn’t know why she trusted him so wholly, how long had it been since they started hanging out? Had he given her a whole lot of reason to trust him actually? That weird moment with the knife in his glove box, the inconspicuous scratches he always seemed to be inflicted with, the very fact that they had been in that very alley a body was found in only a couple hours later. The more the thought swirled in her head the more a deep panic settled into the pit of her stomach. She hadn’t gotten that phone call until she had come home from being out with Kirk tonight, only a couple moments after he had left her at her front door. Why was he so insistent she didn’t call the police?
She blinked as the hot water began to burn her skin. She shook her head trying to shake the thoughts from her mind quickly. This was stupid it was just weird coincidences. Technically she had known Kirk since they were kids; he had always been her neighbor. He was a dorky awkward kid and not much had changed despite how pretty he was now. He didn’t have it in him to hurt anyways, it was just…weird coincidences.
With a creak the pipes halted the stream of running water, Y/N turning the knobs to off tightly until the soft dripping sound ceased. Her wet feet padded against the floor as she returned to Kirk’s room in the fluffy towel she had found. Kirk scrambled to his feet at the sight of her, grabbing a pile of clothes he had left on the bed. “Here, They’ll be big but they’ll fit, I’ll be right back okay? I’m just going to shower now as well.” He placed the bundles of fabric in her arms.
Dread filled her stomach at the thought of being left alone in his room even for a moment. “You said you wouldn’t leave me.” She whispered in a soft panic, her eyes darting to the open window of his room that faced her own. This creep could see into her room so he could definitely see into Kirks. She clutched the clothes to her chest as she looked up at Kirk wide eyed.
He frowned as he followed her gaze and quickly he pulled his own blinds down. “Just five minutes I promise you will be okay.” He assured her. “My mom’s in her room down the hall, no ones coming in here.” He placed his hands heavy on her shoulders as he held her gaze. She believed him oddly. With a soft nod she let him leave, the door clicking behind him and granting her the couple moments of privacy she needed to change.
Kirk’s clothes fit her mostly well, he was lean, not particularly bulky so she wasn't swimming in them. But they were a bit long. It was nice nonetheless, that warm scent of cinnamon and something sweet surrounded her. Just the most subtle trace of nicotine and smoke clinging to the fabric. Carefully she climbed into Kirk’s bed beneath his sheets as she waited for him.
She wasn’t timing it but she was pretty sure he had taken exactly five minutes before he was entering the room again, dripping wet with a towel tucked tightly around his waist. Her mouth went dry at the sight, even though just a few hours prior she had been swimming nearly naked with him, he still looked unfairly attractive at this moment. It served as a good distraction actually, soaking him in. “Eyes up here Y/N.” He said teasingly, snapping her out of her daze.
“Sorry,” She whispered sheepishly, her cheeks flushing as she brought her eyes back up to meet his. “You’re pretty,” She said honestly, enjoying the way he flushed at her compliment. Then she frowned again. “Seriously I don't…know what to do about all of this, I don’t want to die Kirk.” She ran her hands across her face in exhaustion from the whole ordeal.
Kirk matched her frown and nodded. “I know baby, I’m not gonna let you die. I promise you that, we’ll figure it out.” He nodded assuringly. His hands dropped down to the edge of the towel that was keeping him semi decent. “Close your eyes, or don’t it's fine either way.” He shrugged as he began dropping the fabric from his waist.
Y/N squeaked and covered her eyes quickly before she caught an eyeful. “Give me more of a warning next time Jesus.” She huffed as she listened to the soft rustling of fabric as Kirk got dressed again. “I’m already dealing with the shock of having my life threatened. I don't need a heart attack from seeing your…dick.” She hissed.
“Okay ouch,” Kirk said, offended as he pried her hands away from her face once he was covered once more. “Personally I think if you saw my dick it might solve some problems.” The icy glare she gave him after made him wince. “Okay sorry, not funny.’ He mumbled as he sat down on the edge of his bed. “I’m gonna work on some guitar shit, but you can sleep. I'll be watching.” He ran a soft hand across her shoulder.
It was a bit funny, she would have laughed in a better situation. Right now though her face was screwed up in annoyance. “You are insufferable, remind me not to come to you in a crisis again.” She groaned as she settled back against his pillows. “But yeah…okay, goodnight Kirk.”
“Night Y/N…”
#metallica#metallica fanfiction#metallica/reader#kirk hammett#kirk hammett x reader#kirk hammett/reader
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Time Travelers AU - Bathroom Break
I am baaaaaaaack on the story ! For those who missed it I published everyone's backstory, all are linked in the master post !
@ancha-aus it's been a while since I tagged you here
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I feel like this chapter is way too short compared to the time it took me to write it
Here it was: the moment Dust dreaded the most... going back to work. Not that there was a problem with his job, his colleagues were fine, the customers were usually nice except for some exceptions, but it was to be expected when working in a fast food. No, the thing that worried him was leaving his roommates, because they were basically roommates, alone all day. He wasn't afraid they would fight, thought Nightmare had been quite distant these past few days, he didn't participate in conversations during meals and usually just translated for Killer and asked him a few things, but apart from that he always seemed moody, mad about something and avoiding them. It did worry Dust, maybe it was something he did, or didn't do, that caused the noble to change his behavior ? He'll need to talk about it with him. Regarding the others they all seemed to get along, he noticed Cross would sometimes lower his guard when Killer talked, or rather rambled, to him to listen to what he was saying, which was something important to note as the knight only ever left the door to eat, Dust knew it because he saw him sleeping while still standing. Horror was nice to everyone, just not paying much attention to Nightmare as he seemed to avoid him more than the others anyway, and Killer just liked to chat with everyone, not caring if they understood him or not. So no, Dust wasn't scared they would fight. He was scared they would get bored, get curious and break something or even hurt themselves, that someone would knock at the door and call the cops when seeing them, or many other things they could do that could result in troubles both for them and for Dust. He really didn't need that.
Dust sighed, preparing yet another burger and putting it in a bag for those at the drive through, he didn't need to think about it anymore, the movements were basically muscle memory at that point. Should he introduce the others to burgers ? Maybe he could order everyone a burger once he got his paycheck, and he could buy soda and potatoes to make the fries himself ? Would they even like it ? Nightmare would probably despise the grease, maybe Cross too as he seemed to be very in shape, but he had a feeling Killer and Horror would like it. Well, that could be a plan for later then.
He felt someone tap on his shoulder.
- Break time, I'm taking your place.
His colleague said. Was it already his break ? He didn't see the time pass, for once. Well, he usually didn't have much to think about, so he must admit he wasn't particularly focused on the time that day.
- Oh, okay, thanks.
He finished the burger he was making before putting down his apron and going to the changing rooms to grab his phone in his locker. He then went to the bathroom, not that he needed to go as he was a skeleton, but he liked sitting on the throne in his little cabin, that way he didn't have to sit in the staff's room and make small talk with the others, he could just scroll on his phone for fifteen minutes without being disturbed. He sometimes wished he had a digestive system so he could take a dump on company time and be paid for it, but he didn't have one, anything a skeleton consumed was either turned into magic or would get thrown up if the body couldn't "digest" it. What a shame, honestly.
He wondered for a moment if he should call home on the land-line, but he soon figured it would be useless as he didn't teach them how to pick up a phone, so he just hoped everything was fine and went on socials to see what new brainrot was available to pass the time.
His alarm went off after fifteen minutes, indicating the end of his break. He sighed.
- Alright, here we go again...
He muttered to himself, getting up without flushing, and opened the door to step out of the cabin. He tripped on a branch and fell face first on the grass.
Cross flinched, planting his sword in the ground as to maintain balance when he felt everything shift around him. The house had dissapeared, and he found himself in a field surrounded by a forest. It felt like a few days ago, when he appeared in Dust's backyard, he had felt the air sting and crackle before everything shifted, and when he opened his eyes, he was somewhere else.
Where was he now ? He pulled his sword from the ground, holding it tight in case a threat would appear, and looked around him, were the others here too ? He heard a noise behind him, and quickly turned, only to see Killer gripping on a branch, hanging from a tree. As he was about to run by his side he saw Horror coming out from behind a bush, leaves and twigs stucked in the furr of his coat. Killer saw him too.
- Horrooooooor ! Adiuvaaaaa ! He cried.
Horror jumped, not expecting to hear a voice above him, and quickly went to grab Killer and put him safely on the ground. The Roman then immediately opened his bag to make sure all of his stuffs were with him, and sighed in relief before looking up at the Viking.
- Gratis..
Horror nodded, then looked at Cross.
- Vel ?
He asked, thought Cross didn't understand, but he supposed Horror asked him if he was doing good, as he looked concerned. Cross was doing fine, he wasn't hurt and by chance landed on his feet and on a plain surface, unlike Killer who ended up in a tree.
- Eo vais ben, mercit.
He thanked him, before hearing a spine-chilling scream.
- Google noooooooo !!
All three of them turned quickly, startled, and saw Dust, a little farther, kneeling on the ground with his little magic rectangle in his hands, visibly distressed.
- Dust ? Killer called, bene facis ?
- Google's dead ! Dust cried out, holding his rectangle in the air, it's mort, morz, mortuus, liflátinn, dead !!
Cross froze, who was dead ? Who was so important that Dust had to announce their death in five languages ? Was his rectangle dead ? Wait, wasn't the rectangle what allowed them to communicate ? Oh. They might have a problem then.
They looked at each other for a minute, not knowing how to save the rectangle from death, before Killer went to the wheeping skeleton and kneeled before him, looking through his bag. Dust looked up at him when he took out the thick book Dust had been reading recently: the Old Norse dictionary. Cross remembered Killer shoving the book in his bag when Dust left without it, saying he would keep it safe until he returned. Dust looked at the dictionary in awe, taking it carefully.
- Oh my fucking god, Killer, I love you so much right now, gratis.. !
Killer smiled, happy to have been useful.
As Dust was getting up with Killer's help they heard a new noise, and as they turned, they were met with a rather unusual sight: Nightmare, the very sophisticated Nightmare, was laying face flat in a mud puddle, the only mud puddle in the whole field, and looked particularly horrified, and disgusted, when he stood on his elbows, his face covered with mud. Killer couldn't help but burst out with laughter, especially when Nightmare tried to get up only to slip and fall again. Cross heard Dust fight back his own laughter and Horror chuckled, but even if the scene was indeed funny, Nightmare trully looked distressed, and Cross couldn't leave him like that.
- Sire !
He rushed to his side, helping him up by letting him grab him for balance, not caring if he dirtied his armor as it was rather easy to clean.
- Vous trouvez cela amusant !? Nightmare yelled, angry, and shaking slightly, asking if they found it funny.
Horror raised his hands in an apalogy motion, but Killer was still pretty much dying on the ground, wheezing and holding his non-existant stomach, Dust simply avoiding his gaze. Nightmare huffed, a shameful blush on his cheeks as Cross helped him step out of the puddle and sit on a log nearby as he tried to wipe the mud from his face, taking his gloves off as they were just as muddy anyway.
- Estes-vos blecié, sire ? Cross asked, wanting to know if he was hurt.
Nightmare shook his head, he wasn't hurt, physically at least. Cross nodded, standing straight again to look at the others: Killer had stopped laughing and was now catching his breath, Dust was looking at their surroundings, and Horror was looking at Nightmare, thoughtful, but didn't come any closer.
Now that everyone was here, they needed to think of a plan. They needed to figure out where they ended up, or when, if they could seek shelter somewhere, or if they couldn't and would have to build a sort of nest at least for the night, what they could hunt or gather, take turn to stand guard, ... Horror didn't seem to have his axe with him, which was... rather inconvenient, but he was pretty sure Killer still had his knives in his bag so it meant they were at least two with weapons to defend the group. He looked down at Nightmare again. They had to find water.
He sighed and gestured to everyone to come closer. He would rather they didn't split up.
- Nos devons trover eaue, he said, glancing at Nightmare who was still staring at his hands, senz se séparer, he added, looking back at them.
- Okay wait, Dust stopped him, "eaue" means water, right ? I mean he does need to wash himself so it would make sense he needs water... wait I think I remember the translation... he thought for a while, looking throught the dictionary, okay so.. aqua for Latin ? Aaaand... vatn for Old Norse.
Killer snorted.
- Sordidus est, aqua eget.
Cross wasn't sure what that meant, but judging by Nightmare's glare it most likely was a mockery, or one of the Roman's usual tease at least. He wanted to reprimand him, now wasn't the time for teasing, but Horror was faster than him and gave Killer a gentle nudge on the shoulder, shaking his head disapprovingly, to which Killer whined but didn't push it. Horror then pointed at the woods.
- Vatn.
Before anyone could reply, he opened the way. He had fallen in a bush and heard running water in the distance when he got up, surely there was a river nearby.
- Wait wait wait ! Dust interrupted again, Horror stopping to look at him. We're just gonna accept that we apparently got tossed throught time ? I mean it ain't you guys first time but it is mine ! And I actually have to go back to work !
Cross frowned. Work ? He knew what work meant, but why was Dust talking about work ? Oh, right ! Dust was supposed to be at work ! But he couldn't get back to work now, they didn't even know in what time they were, but surely it wasn't Dust's time anymore as these strange buildings were nowhere to be seen. Cross shook his head, Dust couldn't go back to work for now.
- What do you mean no ? I need the money.
Cross thought for a while, trying to remember the translation for money, and shook his head again.
- Nos sommes denz une altre époque, pas de "work".
He tried to explain, telling him they were in a different time. Dust frowned at him, before sighing.
- Well it's gonna be one fucking long bathroom break then... He mumbled, before following Horror again.
Cross held out a hand for Nightmare but the noble got up by himself, and simply followed the others from a distance, Cross walking behind to make sure no one deviated from the line and no threat appeared.
After only a few minutes they heard running water, and at the next turn around a tree, they saw a small river. Nightmare went to kneel on the shore and put his hands in the water. Killer went next to him, crounching down, and ignoring Nightmare's glare to rummage through his bag and take out a piece of cloth that he handed him. Nightmare looked at it for a while before taking it without saying a word, still bitter that they laughed, and put it in the water to clean his face. Dust stayed near Horror, looking at the trees.
Cross stood back, watching them all, making sure everything was safe for them to stop here.
He really hoped they could find a shelter soon.
#original post#time travelers au#tt au#dust sans#horror sans#cross sans#killer sans#nightmare sans#tt dust#tt nightmare#tt cross#tt killer#tt horror#bad sans#bad sans poly#bad sanses#dusttale#horrortale#xtale#something new au#dreamtale#dust!sans#killer!sans#cross!sans#horror!sans#nightmare!sans#murder time trio#mtt poly#bad sans gang#nightmare's gang
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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Kind of hard to ask as anon
But you doing ok?
Need to vent?
Hi very kind and thoughtful of you to ask, i am doing mmmmm suboptimal but i do not need to vent to a person per se, so much as i need to say absolutely insane shit in my tags and have everyone pretend not to see <3
#my stuff#asks#this is the problem with using tumblr as a multi-role platform bc when i want to talk about my fcuking metnal illness i stress-#about my online friends judging me for it#not in like a mean sense but just that it feels like it would change their opinion of me#like on tumblr u can say you have adhd or autism (i have the latter and likely the former)#but anything more intense is regarded as sketchy#so when i’m having symptoms disease of an additional metnal illness it’s like hmmm i don’t think i’m supposed to talk about that#mostly because the majority of the time it’s something i mask over#and do subconsciously until i get particularly tired or stressed or fatigued#so when i get to those states i’m trying extra hard not to blindside everyone with what a fucking mutant i am under the surface#like yippee hooray more ammunition for some transphobe to use in 3 weeks next time i get anon hate#anyways im. tired. i need more tattoos. i need a vacation. i need a forever hug. i need to feel cute. i need things to just be okay#i need to not be fractured into so many snapping pieces i need to know what is expected of us#i need to not feel like an adult babysitting a child who’s actually controlling me#i feel weak and undisciplined but i know fixing those won’t fill the hole gnawing my heart#im going to bed. blegh.
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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#having a time again#I fucking hate rsd#I hate just feeling the overwhelming urge to go scorched earth and abandon everyone and everything I’ve ever known#I thought I had it under control and it got triggered again recently#and it leaves me fucking exhausted and regretting all my life decisions in the end#hate fucking relapsing#hate being unable to read people’s minds#being built fucking Wrong#and having people hate me for reasons I’m not even Aware of because I can’t pick up on it and no one just fucking Talks#no one just Says when they’re bothered they let it fester and then it’s My fault#I didn’t Completely burn this bridge yet but god I am staring at it with a lighter and gasoline in hand#all that’s stopping me is that what I’m about to burn meant and still does mean a lot to me but#I can’t keep fucking doing this#it always ends like this#it never fucking changes and I don’t know why I bother I should stay in my little hole Alone where no one can hurt me#and I can’t accidentally hurt anyone else#idk man#having a fucking time#and maybe I shouldn’t even be Talking about it here#becuase who cares it’s social media#but if I don’t spill my guts Somewhere then I’ll fucking explode and cut ties with Everyone in my life at a trigger’s notice#and I need to pour this out somewhere Else#so I Don’t do something I know is Bad#in a moment of fucking rsd anxiety panic attack#lays down under my rock and dies#becomes a mushroom#if I’m a mushroom I’ll have no more problems#the mushroom hive mind will understand me and I will understand the mushroom hive mind
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#vent#vent post#cw negative#Seven’s Public Diary#wish i wasn’t so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#i’m so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i don’t like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but it’s like my body was fucking built for that or something#i don’t like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didn’t need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didn’t get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap would’ve been fine and i would’ve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and i’ll either give in and attempt to take a ‘nap’ and it’ll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or i’ll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and i’ll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think that’d like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. i’m addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc it’s all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnesses’ symptoms#like a soft reset.#and it’s the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) that’s enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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i don't like season three when viewing it as a continuation of seasons one and two, but i do very much like season three when viewing it as the prequel to seasons four and five... hmmmmm.
#rewatching it bc i wanted to make another foreshadowing compilation post for myself regarding what will's actions will#likely be in season five re: vecna and lmao. so many things are just... it's like. it makes me laugh how In Your Face it is now#that we know all that we know. so many direct parallels both with dialogue and actions. mike/will/lucas/el foreshadowing their s4 roles.#the flaying of the holloways and the creels. the dormancy / activation shit. the building shit. the natural progression of their arcs.#the different ways that their characters approach problem solving and how we see tht reinforced by s4. it's so fascinating#genuinely i think idk it was just such a big culture shock i guess u could say from 1 and 2 that it was hard to digest on its own for me#but now that 4 is in the same vein it's like Oh. Okay. Yeah no. I get it now. That's cool. I'm forever bitter but I get it and respect it.#3 4 and 5 are a package deal considering they also said 4 was like part 1 of 5.#it also makes sense bc the point of 3 was that everyone was changing and building themselves in a new way and that#includes vecna so. just so fascinating how they link everything and how their vision is so consistent with certain plots and characters#like. the lucas max mike n will + el involvement is right there. the idea that they have to kill vecna and not just his puppets is right#there. that 2nd point starts in season two but three is where it really turns into an ''the end justifies the means'' situation#(especially for will which i think is something a lot of people overlook but—)#s3 is painful when considering their personal character arcs but fucking delicious when considering the overarching supernatural vecna plot#bc thts also when he starts his ''there is no stopping this'' shtick and actually enters the story#and he's fucking slimy lol. which i Love#anyway. omg first i defended mike in the rain fight and now i'm saying i kind of like season three who the FUCK am i!!!!!#crazy what feeling the need to defend a white boy's honor will do to you 😳
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friend fish!!! do you have any super specific headcanons for nucarni you'd want to post about? like from the serious to the silly. im talking from like how did little yakumo deal w humans and snakes hating him and then his grandparents loving him to who are the left handed mfs and who are the right handed mfs. how did kuya handle huey disappearing vs can garukaru wink. i like your brain and i like the very specific little things that come from everyone's brains and just wanted to see if you wanted to post any sillies or seriousies :3
why, friend anon, it seems like You are the one bursting with ideas... if u wish to share with the class i shan't object ohoho
MMM>....UUHHHHH boy ain't it just appropriate that once u hand me the microphone, my mind blanks hmmm........ ............(leaves ask and comes back in several hours)
OH I got one!! yakumo and chickens
s o one day, i wished to draw yakumo holding a chicken. just snekboi holding an absolute buff orpington orb of chicken, because it would be, how u say,... grotesquely adorable, yes??
but before i could, i wondered.. is that possible? do chickens like yakumo? or would they sense his snakeyness and hate him? was it ever discussed in the story?
my immediate thought was of those chickens who get hypnotised into a catatonic state when u draw a straight line in front of them. u know all those gifs of the chickens that just go [plop] with HARD FOCUS on the line? and as soon as line was erased, chicken blinked back into existence/Killer Peck mode?
i remember ppl hypothesising that it was bc the lines reminded them of snakes and the chickens were like shhhhh play ded the snakes will want nothing to do with us.
i can;t remember if they ever actually found the answer to that behaviour. i wish i knew. but i don't. so instead i imagined eiden placing a 🧍♂️yakumo horizontally in front of a chicken to see if the trance could be replicated
the whole thing made me think about yakumo's relation to animals, especially farm animals, bc idk if his grandparents ever farmed animals or if it was JUST produce. the story so far seems to say vegebls only but *I* want *FARM ANIMALS* and *YAKUMO* ***toGETHER*(*(***** so we continue the train of thought
yakumo has pulled Princess-Snow-White-shenanigans in the past (Idol Fest). those forest animals didn't have a problem rolling up to yakumo just to listen to him sing. i don't remember if exact animals were mentioned in the story, but i'mma assume it was lil guys like rabbits, birds, rodents, deer. i mean... snakes have been known to share habitats with these guys... so it would make sense for some of them to be scared if yakumo's energy is more snake>human.
but then KUYA??? he's a fox. yet he's got parades of adoring forest worshippers everywhere he goes, regardless of predator/prey status. so maybe the vibe of Yokai overrides whatever trophic chain dynamics are supposed to exist in this world. So instead of EEK! A SNAKE/FOX! the animals be like Yokai=cool nature powerbeing let's hang out ?
but then i wonder if the Yokai Vibe is moderated by Yokai expertise. bc kuya of course has way more experience as yokai... he's more likely to embrace his foxy traits than yakumo with his snakey traits (what is this.... a competition of self acceptance now??).. so maybe the animals all trail after kuya bc of his confidence,,, but would they do the same for yakumo who hasn't yet transcended to that Power Strut Aura?
which relates to childhood yakumo. to surrounding animals, what was his vibe? snakey? human? yokai? did it matter? he mentioned that the other snakes used to bully him .. and that people also used to chase him away... so his vibe was. what? like the king cobra who eats other snakes, and can bite people? at this point, it's not like yakumo has the self-control or self-acceptance to consciously manipulate his outward appearance. his vibe is his vibe.
so, in this unsure, untrained, scared snake-self stage of his life, he still appeared as a Threat to other snakes (and probably other animals that typically fear snakes). i imagine that if i were to introduce yakumo to farm animals at this point, they would react like they saw a potentially dangerous snake. chickens angy. cows might stomp u. goats might eat u
and yet Grandma and Grandpa , like many humans, promptly threw convention out the window and went [lol what threat?? he scared. let's give him some soup]] -> for further proof of ppl being like that, look at. any dangerous creature. cute as heck. i'll fawn over apex predators. angry bear incapable of empathy? deserves my respect. sure i'll share my room with a snake if it looks like it's crying . self-preservation? why would i care about that if i have the chance to make the snake less sad??
i mean, farm animals are domesticated so they're supposed to be pretty chill. i like to think that once yakumo spent more time on the farm with a loving family, his energy became more stable and more human. and surely with daily exposure, those farm animals would acclimate to yakumo's presence. maybe even grow to like him if he takes care of them.
THAT IS TO SAY even if the animals initially shun him or treat him like Danger... they eventually associate his energy with the good times. and yakumo would learn how to act around each specific animal so as not to upset them (just like any good zookeeper!!). As both parties build upon their experiences, the likelihood of positive interaction between yakumo and another animal goes up up 🆙☝!!!
IN THE END, ALL THIS MEANS is that, simply bc i like animals, i'm gonna pretend that yakumo's grandparents also farmed creatures (dang, an undertaking for 2 elderly ppl. i know. but this is gay fantasy isekai). ok, maybe more believably, a neighbour farmed animals and yakumo was the only young'n around to help. and because of all that, yakumo has experience dealing with animals.
according to my made-up timeline (😄) if i drew him at human age ~7, it would make sense if it was a pic of a cow chewing on his hair (being bullied by ungulates. he's crying), or chickens pecking him en masse
and if i drew him getting ALONG with those same animals, it would more likely be a yakumo at human age -- well- older than that. he's got some working experience at that point.
(slams fist on table) SO I CAN JUSTIFIABLY Draw A FLUFFY CHICKEN RESTING HAPPILY IN YAKUMO'S ARMS AND IT COULD BE IN-CHARACTER.
i crave interspecies friendships. humans do nonsensical things to befriend other critters. why can't the chickens override their snake fear for this one special boi. it is what i want to see and i will twistturn canon until i see it.
#this is a relevant moment to mention#that several of my IRL friends have complained to me of the same issue#and that is: my texts are indecipherable#i didn;t realise it was so widespread until recently#supposedly. my words are difficult to understand. the way i phrase things. or my walls of text . o r just what i choose to say idk#i found out that the MAJORITY do not comprehend and there is a MINORITY that help “translate” my texts to others#ngl that quite shooketh me#like.. it all makes sense to me? i thought i was quite clear?#is it a problem with me? do i need to change something? am i at fault for failing to communicate what I want to others?#which just means that if u managed to get thru that entire post i'm grateful but also.... don't stress urself out if u dont fully understan#ur not alone in that apparently 😅#that's the end of today's word vomit about yakumo#and his chickens.#cue eiden saying “nice cock” and yakumo replying “this is a hen??”#nu carnival yakumo#feesh answer
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if my digestive system didn't torture me regularly it would be over for everyone I could be actually fat. but unfortunately it insists on said torture and I am more in the camp of "doing what I can to lessen that torture" which is not super helpful for weight gain. oh well. I'm young yet....my metabolism will slow down if I'm around long enough. I still believe in a better world
#joking idrc ofc id like to be fatter. but gaining isnt really something i can do rn due to weird health problems#im barely getting by on eating when i really need to so its just not that fun....#everyone pray for my digestive system getting normaler so i can eat good food and get fat off it. that would be ideal#my body is fine and good as it is. But that would be very hot and possibly enjoyable.#and as is people have always been fatphobic towards me since childhood so yknow. theres never a version of me that would make anybody else#that would make ppl behave normally. so. we should do whats appealing to me personally i think#am i happy with what i have? yes. would changes possibly make me happier though? also yes.#cw weight
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i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am
#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately#like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad#i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic#and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me#the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic#let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything#like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing#i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard#the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know#with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things#n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case#it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has.#the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others#this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate#its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences#its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control#ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship#we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people#so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there#ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere
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