#is it a good idea to post this? probably not

[secondbeatsongs]

Food Crime: Frosty the Slawman

so a while ago, I saw this photo going around on tumblr:

at first, I thought this was photoshopped. I mean, "welcome new man in your life"? that feels like a translation error, or someone being silly on purpose.

but guess what! turns out, Frosty Slaw Man is real!

and soon...he will be mine. let's get cooking

(full disclosure: I crafted this snowman and took notes about it over a year ago. and then, like with many things in my life, I forgot about him, and let him drift into the ADHD void of Things I'm Not Currently Staring At, where object permanence is tentative and largely unrealized.

but here we are! and here he is: the slaw man. it's time to share him with you, so that you can suffer as I have suffered, and/or rejoice in my gelatin creation!)

so this recipe photo originally came from Mid-Century Menu (archive link), a blog that seems like one after my own heart, and which once tried to make the Slaw Man (with not much success; but we'll get back to that)! but it's not just that blog that has copies of this ad. I also found it on reddit, and in a few different places on ebay!

lookit that guy! he's a real guy!

both the reddit post and some of the ebay listings say that this is from 1963 (though I haven't been able to figure out which magazines it was printed in, to confirm this for myself). but in looking this up, I discovered something else fun! there's another version of this ad!

Best Foods is what Hellmann's stuff is called on the west coast, and the "this is no place for second best" thing makes a lot more sense when you consider that the ad was probably made for Best Foods first, and then just reused and rebranded for the east coast

the more you know!

anyway the benefit of finding this alternate ad is that the scan on this image is a lot clearer, and so the recipe is more readable! and in looking at it, I've realized something important:

when Mid-Century Menu tried this recipe, they got an ingredient amount wrong.

when they made their beloved Slaw Man, they had the water amount written down as 1/4 cup, but looking at this scan up close, it is actually 3/4 cup of water! something that might make a significant difference, considering we're working with gelatin!

(there's also another change I want to make compared to what they did, when I do this recipe. but we'll get into that in a sec.)

for now: we begin

so. there's no way I'm making a Slaw Man this large. I am just one person, and considering the ingredients of this, I don't think I'm going to be able to consume that much Slaw.

two entire heads of cabbage? three pounds of cottage cheese, a thing that I don't even like to eat? no. that's a bad idea.

so I'm starting small here and making this 1/3 the size of the original:

2 packets of unflavored gelatin 1/4 cup cold water 1 cup mayo 1 tsp salt 1lb cottage cheese 4 cups shredded cabbage

surely this will result in a reasonable amount of Man

...okay, I started chopping the cabbage thinking it would be easier, but I've given up and pulled out a grater. this is much better! and somehow more violent (affectionate)

the recipe says to soften the gelatin in cold water, and then stir over hot water until it's dissolved. I'm going to assume "stir over hot water" means a double boiler, so let's do that

hmmm, the gelatin is very foamy? it’s melted, but the bottom of the pot feels really....sticky

okay. after a couple minutes more and no change, I’m calling this good enough.

so one thing that others who have attempted this recipe have not taken into consideration is the cottage cheese. you see, the others used normal cottage cheese, but the recipe says to use "cottage cheese, cream style"

I’ll be real, I’m not 100% what that means, since we don’t have that here. but I can take an educated guess! so let’s blend the cottage cheese!

(with an immersion blender. I am not willing to wash an actual blender because of this)

mmm, yes. very smooth

...actually. why isn't all cottage cheese like this? the thing I hate about cottage cheese is the texture, so why isn't it all smooth and creamy like this?? I could eat this!!

a new discovery is made every day in this house.

okay, time to start mixing things together.

ah, frosty. I opened a whole new thing of mayo for you! do you feel special?

(I'd make a "pre-dinner snack?" joke, but sometimes I think I'm the only one that remembers Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time)

okay, the mayo, cottage cheese, and salt have been added to the gelatin. but as this cools, the texture is getting...hmm. less than appealing.

lastly: the cabbage

oh. oh this is not very nice

next it says to pack the "salad" into a one pound container, and two six-cup bowls, but since I made this recipe so much smaller, I'm going to uhhhh. uh. find some bowls that seem like they'd be correct...snowman? proportions?

ah. this bowl is too big.

hey, these'll work!

now I just have to let them chill for a while, and continue another day.

(edit from current!me: ahhh oh my god I forgot this was pretty soon after we adopted Jackie! look at these cat pics that I took while I was food crime-ing!

look at them having their little interactions! Knuckles was trying so hard to be friends with her! I love them)

hello! two days later and we are ready to assemble the slawman. and my sibling has started referring to him as "frosty: attorney at slaw", so that's fun.

I've done a thing where, as these set, I flipped them around in the bowl so that hopefully they'd be more round. we'll see if they actually stay like this.

I have also made some decorations for him out of peppers, olives, and carrots!

let's build our boy

oh he's so heavy. and wobbly

no no no he almost fell over!!

okay. he's fine. but more skewers were needed.

and...okay. he is complete.

behold!

gaze upon my beautiful man!

(he is not structurally sound! he wobbles unsteadily as I rotate him! there are already cracks forming in the gelatin around where his arms are! don't worry about it!)

 now it's time to stab him

and...to devour him

this tastes like...a bland coleslaw? and not even that. it's just sort of a salty, cottage cheese-y cabbage. the ingredients don't combine to become something greater, they simply...sit there. like this.

and the texture is...mmm. it's not a jello kind of texture, but it is a bit squashy in a way that's mildly strange.

it's very creamy once it softens in your mouth.

...I don't like this!

and look! taking just that one chunk from him was enough to destabilize him entirely :(

RIP frosty. now I just have to see if I can eat all of you before you go bad.

(note from current!me: I could not.

 I ate maybe half of him over the course of many days, often adding other stuff to him to try to add some flavor: bacon, frozen peas, cheese, etc. but even with that, I just couldn't stomach him.

after a while I stuck what was left of him in the freezer, hoping that maybe I'd find the will to consume the rest of him some other day.

do you know what a frozen-and-then-thawed mixture of cabbage, cottage cheese, mayo, and gelatin looks and tastes like?

bad. the answer is: bad.

I threw him out pretty quickly after thawing him.

do not try this recipe at home)

[hellsslibrary]

Crazy idea but Omega Shuto Sendou and breeding kink. (Idk if you do heats but I would like to request that too.)

P.s. LUVVVVV your blue lock posts, especially that sae and skirt one❤️❤️❤️

Life is short so why the hell are you wasting it holding back when I'm here like this? (My husband's quotes as titles day 2)

MASTERLIST is here.

#a.n. : I'll be brutally honest, he's so 100% straight in my eyes... This was really hard to write, I was picturing him getting fucked by a woman lol. 🌻 I can't picture him with a man (unless it not works out with his actresses, which is probably the case).

!!Warnings: top!male!reader (can be woman tho, it was in my mind), bottom!shuto, A/B/O, heat cycle, mention of impregnation, cumming inside, Sendou in your shirt, 'whore' one time, round number two million three hundred and five thousand four hundred and twenty seven (Sendou is REALLY insatiable here), mention of scratches on your back/lower back/butt, praise in both directions, Sendou is a bit of a tsundere(?), the reader suffers as I do while writing this LMAO.

"Come on, don't sto-stop, co-come on," escaped his lips for the umpteenth time that evening, while he was lying on his side with his leg raised, and you continued your thrusts inside him.

What time do you fuck? Who knows. How many times have you cum inside? God only knows. How long will it last? So long that after death you will probably be stewing in all the cauldrons of Hell for this lustfulness.

No, seriously, how much longer will it take for this guy to be satisfied? He looks like he's not going to stop for another couple of hours. The way his glass eyes stared at the wall in mute, well, not quite, pleasure was even funny.

You push his raised thigh to the side, making the bed creak under his shifted weight, and he scowls at you, though moans escape his lips, as if in another second you will fuck his whole being out of him.

"You're so fucking hungry... And still so tight," you grumble almost displeased, throwing both of his legs over your shoulder, penetrating his hole, from which mixtures of his slick and your cum were dripping, causing him to arch his back with a trembling moan.

"You're so big inside... I nee-need to make sure that the fe-fertilization has taken pl-place, stupid," his hand falls on his face, covering his eyes, which only makes you exhale in defeat.

Your body bends closer, Sendou's body bends almost in half, although he doesn't seem against the idea, just lowering his hand from his face, revealing the tears in the corners of his eyes.

"Sensitive. Greedy. Whore."

You emphasize your every word with a thrust into him, making sure that you touch everything you need, not being surprised when he comes again, covering your shirt with his fluids again.

His hands grab onto your bare back as you nuzzle into his neck, starting to cover the white skin with hickeys until he can only whimper. His legs were shaking on your shoulders like an aspen leaf, his knees were pressed against his chest making his breathing even harder.

"It's so, fuck, good... the-there... Hi-hit it again... Hard-harder!" he mumbles unintelligibly because of the amount of saliva in his mouth, and you just smile against his neck, biting his collarbone, making him cry out, and pulling away.

"Whatever you say," you shrug, wishing you could just get him to pass out and continue after at least a couple of hours, considering how your hips are already hurting.

The bed immediately started hitting the wall when your hands lift his hips a little higher. And his head rises from the pillows in a loud, ragged moan, pulling another orgasm out of him.

You curse when he squeezes you as if in a vice, which makes you come too, filling him. And when you don't hear the reaction, you look up, and fuck, you just thank all living things when you see that he's asleep.

Your cock slips out of him, reflexively thrusting his cum back inside him, which makes him twitch a little and you cover him with a blanket, looking at the calendar... And then a whimper escapes your lips when you see that this is only the first day of estrus, and you just lean back on the bed, wiping the tears from his face.

[voidofthevoidmv]

Uh oh Fordsie, your parents are acting awfully strange… The second installment of the 3 Buck Stan AU and our six fingered munchkin comes into play. Wonder what will come of that lol… I have a good idea on what will come next in this series/au, although I’ll likely be slow to post due to procrastinating- yk how it is lol. But yeah… next segment will probably get back to Stan and Mx Lottie’s nonsense as we finally get into the swing of things. It’s gonna be great, trust.

[avaredava]

I think we can all agree Satoru is so nice usually. But I think I NEED mean Satoru. He absolutely makes fun of you when you inevitably can't take all the dick he gives you, especially if you're folded up into like, mating press. Just calling you dirty names.

I'm fucking drooling holy lord

IM TWEAKING THAT IS SO YUMMY ISTG

I fucking love your ideas ilysm 😩 btw this one is kinda short i'm still sick but if you want a longer version just ask i'll make one ( ˘ ³˘)♥

୨୧・・・・୨୧

MDNI

Master list

⯌ Sum

Mean Satoru Gojo (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

⯌ Wc

0.7k

it's really short but it's all mostly smut

⯌Warnings

Mean!Satoru, Fem!reader, Degradation, Humiliation. Overestimation, Edging, Bondage, Restraints, Impact Play (pussy spanking), Cervix bruising, bruising, brief mention of rope burn, Degradation & Humiliation, some aftercare, kinda kinky, breast playing, mating presses, eagle spread, vibrator that suctions, clit stim

୨୧・・・・୨୧

Satoru Gojo is one of the kindest and sweetest boyfriends you ever had. He would buy you everything you want and kiss you so gently it feels like an angel's kiss. One thing no one has ever expected was him to be so cruel when you both are having sex.

All your friends talked and gossiped about how "He'd just give you vanilla sex nothing that feels good.", "Orgasmless sex.", and "He's tall but probably a small dick." They chuckled and giggled about there own comments.

Little did you know when you joked about what they said about Satoru to him. He decided to prove them absolutely wrong.

_

"Toru! Fuck!" You whine as he slams his big cock inside you in the tightest mating press. His hips snapping wildly like he was so fucking desperate to make you and him cum he was about to cry from over stimulation but he doesn't fucking care.

You tried to move away from overstimulation since he's been edging you but his hips snapping and his hands gripping your shoulders making sure you can't move away.

All you can do is holler and squeal and beg for mercy. Obviously he doesn't. He pulled out for a second and you thought it was over so you let out a sigh of relief before you heard a buzz. Your eyes shot open and you squirm. He ties your wrists and legs bound to the bed post in a eagle spread.

Your nipples perked in the air with arousal your stomach moves up and down with harsh breaths. You let out a shaky breath as he puts the pink vibrator on your clit. It suctions with a click of a button and you yelp as the buzzing gets stronger and more stimulating.

"Your such a fucking slut. Talking about me with your friends, agreeing about these insults. One of those insults maybe being... orgasm-less sex hmm..?" He snarls at you raises the vibrations a notch.

"S-Satoru please I was joking!" You begged and hollered. You know there's no point. He's too pissed off to stop. "I don't fucking care Y/N. You're getting what you said I give you- or what i don't give you. Being a bad girl means no orgasms."

He shoves his fingers inside your pussy pushing against your sweet spot and you were on the brink before he takes the vibrator off while it was still suctioning so it caused a little sting and you whined.

He unties your legs but not your arms so you can't leave or stop him. Your legs shut close fast. "I swear to god Y/N stop closing your fucking legs. I undid them to put you in another position you slut. So keep your legs open." He snarls meanly at you but for some reason it got you more wet.

He put you into a mating press again, his dick hitting parts of you only he can hit. You holler and moan sweet music for his ears. He crushingly hits your cervix. It hurts so good you're at the brink of screaming. His hips snapped at this point both of your hips are bruised.

He grabs your tits aggressively. Tweaking your nipples. Your voice was hoarse from your screams so your moans were more quiet as fat tears dropped down your face. "Fucking slut."

He slapped your pussy, hard. He kept smacking as his thrusts got more bruising. Your cervix is at the point of bleeding. You do have a safe word but fuck it feels too good to stop.

"Y-Your so b-big 'Toru." You whine your eyes squeezed shut. "You can't take it? I thought you were my personal whore hm? My little slut can't even take my own dick." he grins meanly with an evil grin. He decides to take some mercy on you but with a price.

"I'll let you cum if you are a good girl and be quiet no moaning? Hm? Show how obedient you are?" He says wanting power over you. You nod frantically wanting him so bad you don't care what he says anymore.

His hips snap faster and you finally cum on his cock holding in your screams letting out cute noises as his hips don't stop moving crazy fast. He moves a hand down rubbing your clit prolonging your pain of trying to be quiet but the pleasure unknotting from your stomach your pussy feeling good with thrusts and rubs. It's so worth it.

He finally pulls out and unties your wrists kissing the rope burn marks gingerly pulling you close.

"Still gonna joke and make fun of me?"

Maybe you will, maybe just maybe, you want that all again.

୨୧・・・・୨୧

Sorry ya'll it's kinda short 😖

[purple-paige-purple]

my main pazzi evidence!

hey guys, people have been asking me to give me reasoning as to why i think pazzi is real so here ya go. there is A LOT more i could say and a ton more evidence but imma try to piece my basic thoughts together explain as much as i can consicely.

1. their general vibe

ok lemme say first of all, the thing that pisses me off most about pazzi deniers is that they dont acknowledge hard evidence. like hand placement, eye contact, the "is it spit" video, etc. but the thing that's the absolute kicker to me is their entire vibe around each other.

i think the animal letter/pillow video is a really good example of this. start by imagining how you would play that game with your friends, even your closest friends of ten years. would you giggle at them and smile at them the way that p + a look at/talk to each other? probably not. (and if you do, babes im gonna hold your hand when i tell you this...) the entire video was just not something you'd expect from friends AT ALL.

also. the way paige's ENTIRE demeanor changes near azzi. duuuuude its so adorable. any time she's talking to azzi, and even sometimes when azzi is within earshot, paige's voice softens SUBSTANTIALLY and she becomes more thoughtful and calm. an example of this would be kk's (second) crumbl live in the bedroom, when azzi walks in and all of a sudden paige is now giggling quietly as opposed to cracking up loudly like she was before. i think its the whole "calming presence" idea and p + a really both are each other's anchor.

also u don't go on a cruise with your best friend and act the way they acted (and posted).

2. the hard evidence

the aforementioned "is it spit" video. like bro. no matter what the fuck azzi said, what paige responded was extremely suggestive, and azzi's reaction to it just proves that. paige we know that ur faggot ass's favorite tongue movement to lets just take a chill pill on live tv (jk pls dont stop keep feeding our delulu pazzi shipper asses)

another piece of hard evidence: "happy birthday to the precious princess 💗" OK PAIGE WE KNOW SHES UR WIFE. paige wanted to say "my precious princess" so bad its so obvious

paige and azzi also have not shut down ANY rumors or even spoken on the subject of their suspected relationship. instead, i would go so far as to say they've fed into it, the posts about each other, the continuous posting of the "💗" emoji even though the entire internet has a suspicion about what it means. this also ties into the fact that they do have social media, paige is active a lot, their teammates are active, and they definitely (no matter how) seeing these pazzi edits. they are OUT THERE and even the announcers know it.

ice and kk's faces whenever p + a are flirting got me ctfu every time. ice does not try to hide it AT ALL and even though i think kk tries, once in a while she makes a face (the interview where she is in the middle of them)

3. no other relationships/their dynamic

lets be generous to the deniers and say that they've only had smth (a relationship, whether it be serious or not) since 2021. they have not been with anyone since. i will say it again. they have not been with anyone since. with their popularity and how gorgeous/attractive they both are, i feel like if they were seen close with anyone, we would know about it. fine, someone could say they are just both locking in to school and bball, but i really just think p + a work so well together and basically have the same schedule so there is pretty much no negatives to them being together, therefore no reason why it would take away from school/bball. i think they are each other's person and really just compliment each other so well (opposites attract!)

basically the way they act is not how "just friends" act. i dont make the rules 🤷🏻‍♀️

ok so thats my basic thoughts. i could LITERALLY go on for pages (and i will if you guys want!) just let me know (send me an ask or smth) and ill make more posts with more evidence and just basically debriefing it. ok thank u girlypops for listening to my ted talk

ps. thank you to @elliesglock for debriefing some of the uconn lives, pls continue bc they are so fun to read and u have such good thoughts on everything!

[lila-went-missing]

Hiii, saw you wanted some requests for Sevika and I've had this idea bubbling up for a while. Imagine Vika with a reader that's normally experienced, yk has fucked one or two people before and it's not a sex god, and they're growing insecure about sevika never starting intimacy even after months of dating, so they think it's because they're not as good as the girl's she's been with before. Idk just thought that'd be good

I'm kind of obsessed with this, ngl. This isn't the first smut that I've written but it is the first smut that I've posted on here so feedback is always appreciated. Y'all will never guess... it's not proofread. Again. Enjoy my lovelies! X

Warnings: Smut (obviously), mild angst but nothing too horrible, mentions of body image issues but readers body type isn't specified or described.

Fem reader, of course, with female genitalia.

At first, you didn't think anything of it. She probably just wanted to take things slow with you. You weren't as experienced as her so she probably wanted to take her time.

That made sense for a while.

But now, after eight months together, you haven't had sex once. More importantly, she hasn't initiated it.

Realistically, you know that it's fine. There's plenty of reasons as to why nothing has happened so far. But that voice in the back of your head is doing a fantastic job of convincing you otherwise.

Sevika was kind of a sex symbol before you two got together.

She'd been with countless women, she was a regular at Babbettes. Her name was uttered on the streets like a sacred prayer.

You, on the other hand, have only been with two people: your ex, and a drunken one night stand that was less than satisfactory. So you did have sexual experience, but not nearly as much as her.

Honestly, it's starting to worry you.

Did she not like you? Was she not physically attracted to you? Was there something wrong with your body? Were you not showing enough skin?

Thoughts plagued your mind night and day. You were stuck in constant turmoil. It was impossible to stop your own brain once it got going.

It was taking everything in you to focus on the stove and not burn dinner.

You flinch at the sound of the door closing. Heavy footsteps sound through the house, approaching the kitchen.

Sevikas thick arms wrap around your midsection, her face making home in the side of your neck. For a long time, she doesn't say anything. The only sounds come from the meat sizzling in your pan. Moments like this make it easier to not think about the painful lack of aw sex life between you two.

Her lips purse, pressing small kisses against your skin. She hums against your neck.

"What are you cooking doll?" Her voice is muffled against your flesh but you understand her all the same.

"Spaghetti." You feel her smile.

"My favorite.." She mumbles. You hum a small "Mhm" before focusing back on the seasoned beef and water you're waiting for to boil. Her arms tighten ever so slightly, one hand slipping under your shirt. Her thumb caresses your bare skin.

It should be sweet but it really just drives the nail into the coffin for you.

Your voice comes out before you can stop it.

"Why won't you have sex with me?" You regret it the moment it leaves your mouth.

"I- woah, what? Doll what do you mean?" She honestly sounds baffled.

"Forget I said anything, please. It doesn't matter."

Her hands gently grab your shoulders, turning you around.

"No way. What are you talking about?"

You shake your head. "It's stupid.."

"It's not stupid if it's bothering you." She reassures you.

"It's just, we've been together for eight months, and we practically live together. But we haven't done anything. I know you don't have an issue having sex because half the undercity talks about how good you are and I just don't understand. Is there something wrong with me? Am I not appealing to yo-" Your rant is cut off by her lips. Her hands are holding you like glass, one on your cheek, one curled around your hip.

"There is nothing wrong with you." Her voice comes out as a soft whisper. "I'm sorry I made you feel like there was. I just knew that you don't have as much experience as I do. I didn't want you to feel rushed, or forced."

"Rushed? No, you could never.. I thought you just didn't want me that way." She immediately shakes her head. She kisses you again, more urgently this time.

Her hands grab anywhere they can, pulling you in. They're on your hips, waist, groping your ass.

"I do want you." Then they're picking you up and lifting you on the counter. "Let me show you how much I want you?" All you can do is nod as her lips trail down your neck. Her touch dances over your body, removing your top.

Her mouth follows soon after, sucking dark bruises into the skin on your neck and chest. She takes a nipple in her mouth and swirls her tongue around it. A low whimper leaves your mouth at the new, but not unpleasant, sensation.

Her right hand copies her tongue's motions on the other, pinching and pulling. Your body trembles against the counter with need.

She moves away from your breasts, kissing and licking down your stomach to your navel. Her hands unbutton your pants. She looks up at you as she lowers herself to her knees, silently asking for permission. You nod your head. You don't trust your voice. Your pants are off in seconds and thrown somewhere in the kitchen that you'll worry about later.

Her hand splays across your stomach and gently pushes you to lay against the tile. It's cold against your bare and burning skin, your back arching off of it but she keeps your hips pinned down.

You gasp as her teeth nip at the skin of your thigh. A breathy laugh leaves her.

"Shut up.." You mutter.

"Didn't say anything."

Your eyes roll in fake annoyance but you don't get the chance to reply as the cold air hits your bare cunt. Her thumbs pull your lips apart, admiring the sight before her.

"Fuck doll, you're so wet. All of this for me?" Her voice is husky between your legs and it stirs something delicious in your belly.

"Yes, all for you Sev.." She chuckles. Her teeth take the hem of your panties and drag them down your legs. She kisses your hips and navel, sucking hickies and marking you as hers.

"Please, Vika. Need you.." You whine. You can't bring yourself to care about how desperate you sound. You're sure that you look even more so from her position.

It seems, though, that your prayers have been answered because as soon as the words leave your mouth hers is back on you. This time it's between your legs.

She licks a long stripe up your pussy before stopping to suck your clit into her mouth. A loud moan reverberates from your chest as you lean your head back into the counter. Her tongue kitten licks at the bud before suckling on it like shes trying to nurse herself.

You've had people eat you out before but never this well. You don't think it could get better than this.

She moves down, opting to fuck you with her tongue instead. You definitely understand the appeal now. You've given yourself plenty of orgasms but this is the fastest one has risen before.

She feels it in the way you clench around her tongue and moves back to your clit. Her fingers fill up the now empty space, fucking into you in a gently but rough way only she could manage.

She's eating you like a woman starved and with the lack of sex the two of you have had she may as well be. If you didn't know better you might think this is her last meal.

Gasps and whimpers leave your mouth in a desperate way you can't stop.

"Fuck Sev.. ngh~ m'gonna cum, please.."

She smirks against you once more, speeding up her ministrations.

"Come on my tongue baby, make a mess on me." Her voice is muffled against you cunt, vibrations travel through your clit with her words.

You last maybe thirty seconds longer, hand tangled in her hair, before releasing over her tongue.

She laps you up, milking you for all that you're worth. She's never tasted anything more delicious. Her mouth doesn't let up until your whimpering from the overstimulation and pushing her head away.

She looks you in the eye as she sucks her fingers clean before kissing back up your body. Her lips lock onto yours and you can still taste yourself on her tongue. It makes your head spin in a way you've never felt before.

When you come back to earth, her hand is running through your hair.

"I'm sorry I made you believe that I didn't want to do that." She mumbles. "But now I may need it to be a daily thing." You giggle at her words.

"It's okay. I wouldn't mind honestly." She helps you sit up, a large hand cupping your cheek. "You didn't get to cum.." You whisper as you lean in closer.

"Don't worry about me, I'll get my fill later." The look on her face tells you that this isn't over. "I'm going to change out of these clothes. You just worry about dinner okay?" She slips your panties back on along with your shirt.

You nod, sliding off the counter. You wince at the mess you made but she's already wiping it up. Her lips meet your temple as she mutters a low, "I love you."

"I love you more." She shakes her head, chuckling before walking back to her room. You feel much better now, and you really can't wait for what she meant by "later".

[undead-moth]

In order for any of this post to make the point it’s trying to make, it needs to completely ignore 1) nonviolent uses of fuck (and there are many) and 2) other nonviolent euphemisms for sex (and there are many) lmao.

Yes people use fuck violently. They also say “just fuck me up” to mean something like “let go” or “stop caring@ or similarly “let’s get fucked up” to mean “let’s get drunk and have fun.” They say “I fucking love this’ to add emphasis. They say “I fucked up” to mean “made a mistake.” They say “fucking around” to mean “goofing off.” Like. Are you kidding. There are a million nonviolent uses of the word fuck. Due to it being a curse word, it’s going to be used in a variety of ways.

People also say “I slept with him” and common phrases like “Netflix and chill” and “hooked up” and “got laid” and “made whoopie” and “went at it” and so so so many other things I can’t even think of right now. If there’s one word in this language that probably has a million euphemisms, it’s sex and many if not most would be nonviolent or at least not crude do to how excessively the word sex has been censored over time lmao

There are also very legitimate reasons not to use “making love” when you mean “fucking.” “Making love” isn’t dirty talk and many people like dirty talk. It would also be really weird to say you “made love” about a one-night-stand or something, given that the kind of intimacy and deep connection and well, romantic love implied in “making love” probably isn’t there with a one-night-stand.

And sure, our culture has in some ways tried to remove the concept of “intimacy and vulnerability and emotion” from sex but it is erroneous to attribute this to patriarchy.

Part of the reason why people have made efforts to remove these things from sex is in defiance of a (patriarchal!) culture that has always asserted that sex is something that should be reserved for marriage, and only ever done with one person, and that sexual expression of any kind outside of god-fearing vanilla heterosexual reproductive sex is sinful and wrong and shameful.

Efforts to remove intimacy/vulnerability/emotion from sex are in part an effort to take the shame and Christianity out of sex. People are resisting the idea that sex has to be with someone you’re committed to, or in love with and asserting that sex is a neutral act people can do for pleasure with whoever they want.

This has benefitted women. Historically women far more than men have been societally punished for sexual expression and for having sex when they weren’t supposed to, in a way they weren’t supposed to, or with someone they weren’t supposed to. They are also expected to be coy and ladylike when talking about sex in a way men aren’t. It is a good thing that women can fuck if they want to and it says a lot if you think that any sex that is not tender touches in the quiet dark with your one true love forevermore or talking about it in any other way is somehow by default violent to women.

The Will To Change by Bell Hooks fucked me up good

[meanbossart]

Ask Compilation: Gorp, Questionable Child Rearing, Progressive elves and some campaign lore!

As always, I apologize if your ask isn't here/ hasn't been replied to, it is unfortunately impossible for me to answer to every question I get to the extend I would like to. Occasionally I also just don't have a very interesting answer to offer 😅 and I try to avoid spamming people's feeds! But thank you so much to everyone who interacts with my stories, characters, art, and is curious about my thought process and writing! The response is frankly just as overwhelming as it is deeply appreciated, and every word of encouragement or message about how I inspired you to draw or write more of your own stories makes my day.

DU drow and Gortash had what I would describe as a "Toxic Friendship". They got along well enough, had little friend dinner-dates, drank together, superficially shared their woes in ways that benefited no one, and DU drow ultimately had a great deal of respect for Gortash - except you would have never known that by the way he treated him.

DU drow belittled, harassed, and even destroyed Gortash's property on whim alone. Every compliment was back-handed and every display of friendship was somehow sarcastic. Gortash let everything slide right off his back for reasons I like leaving obscured. Here's a particularly intense write-up I did about their relationship a long time ago that still stands. I think it serves really well to illustrate how intense DU drow could still be about his friendships.

PFFTT, I don't know why that would be a female-child only thing, but maybe that's just a colloquialism?

DU drow actually talks pretty similarly to children as he does to adults! He just doesn't set the same expectations on them. Children don't ask stupid questions because the world is still new to them, nor do their respond reasonably to everything, they also don't understand some big words or complex ideas depending on how you present it to them - he understands this and adjusts accordingly. But otherwise his tone would be the same, even with his his own child. He's that guy who's good with kids on the basis of treating them as to-be adults rather than.. Well, just a child.

The Astarion assessment is fair, LOL.

[MORE UNDER THE CUT]

(Surface) elven kind strikes me as fairly gender-indifferent overall! And while I enjoy theorizing about how their culture has shifted over the years from exposure to "urban life", for both better and worse, I like to think this is an aspect that has remained mostly unchanged, even for elves who may have had a really mixed-up upbringing from living in a city as diverse as Baldur's Gate.

I believe Astarion (and by extension Shadowheart and DU drow) are fully aware that they read as their respective genders and that for other races, such as humans, that means something; but for them that is a different custom that doesn't really apply outside of pronouns and reproductive expectations. So, I actually believe that Astarion would be pretty indifferent to life as a woman save for occasionally missing having a dick for the obvious reasons (only to then shift back and lament the opposite, probably).

ALL THE TIME!

But I know that you meant to ask if I will ever draw it.

VERY LIKELY THAT I WILL.

As a side note, thank you for showing interest and excitement for male-on-male sex that isn't just anal, LOL.

CW for the obvious, though nothing too descriptive or awful.

I understand if people disagree as a knee-jerk reaction, but I would say that Astarion's character demonstrates a shocking amount of self-control and emotional regulation. I went into this more in detail in an older post, but basically: the guy always brings himself down from his own outbursts, is exceptionally good at reading the room, is extremely forgiving and pragmatic, and knows when to send the jokes outside and respond to vulnerability in kind. I stand by this as more than a headcanon; it's in his actual writing and dialogue.

All that to say, I don't think Astarion would ever lay a violent hand on his own children. I also don't HC him as having endured corporal punishment as a child, hence not really having that instilled in his mind as a possible example to draw from.

I could see DU drow implementing physical punishments that he doesn't consider to be actually painful, like pulling, pinching, or squeezing a child while you reprehend them; things a parent might do because they think it's harmless. Astarion would probably be the one to say he's not really achieving anything - so it would likely be short-lived.

I DO think they would both be okay with setting up their children to pretty arduous physical labor, though, both as punishment and just in general to toughen them up. You could argue there's a way to do this that is reasonable, but they would prooobably push that line into dubious territory.

Buddy, WHO said low fat, what do you think the meat and taters that he's eating is swimming in!

But back to your question, he can enjoy a sweet treat every once in a while! He just far, far prefers savory. Personally, I think the guy would go crazy for a panettone. Or a big sugar-powdered crepe with some berries.

I kind of flew through the Circus in DU drow's playthrough because I was SO excited to get to Baldur's gate. They were only there long enough for DU drow to make Astarion mildly pissed off during the dryad's weird love quiz.

I also somehow missed Lucretious and never got the Dribbles quest - probably for the best.

Becoming a big ol' squid seems like a deal-breaker for his character in-game - so, same thing applies here. He'd let him down gently but potentially want a friendship for as long as DU drow is still himself.

... Buuuut it would never come to that; DU drow would most likely end his life pretty swiftly if he were to turn into a mindflayer, so Astarion wouldn't have much to worry about 😬

Alas, she pretty much never crosses his mind since he has no recollection of the type of relationship they had prior to DU drow's amnesia.

Or at least she won't as long as nothing weird ever happens that potentially jogs his memory 😇

Hello! I also love the escorts, but due to both DU Drow's and Astarion's respective attitudes towards drow and that kind of activity they didn't really hire his services. I do like to think him and his sister had a lot to gossip about as soon as they turned their backs, though, LOL.

[arsenicflame]

first touch soulmates is such an interesting au to play around with- especially if you want to see how long two characters can possibly go without making skin contact.

its unthinkable to us, that you could go even a week without brushing skin with someone else, but in a society where that could be so significant? some people touch everyone they meet im sure, but others would cover every inch of their skin, only offer themselves to people they already want to hold that honour.

anyway what im saying is- how long can you make them drag it out? how long can you make them dance around each other? how many brushes of arms through sleeves, how many careful avoidances? too nervous to be the one to ask for that permission, unsure if the other would hate to be tied to them. how long could they make it go on?

[luffydotcom]

sharing their interests

synopsis: what happens you have the same interests as them (sword-fighting and cooking)

feat: zoro and sanji

notes: could've included the other characters for this, but i feel like for zoro and sanji this would work best!! i've honestly ALWAYS wanted to learn to use a sword. also don't mind how i can't write a fight scene to save myself 💔

also i will make a masterlist soon i just barely have any posts right now RAH

zoro

ZORO has lived by the ways of the blade his whole life. he eats, sleeps and breathes his training, and takes pride in his abilities. but for him its more than just a display of strength, and not limited to protecting others, but what he enjoys doing the most - he wants to become the greatest there is after all - so he is genuinely passionate about it.

so one day, when the crew stops by a marketplace on a new island, and you take keen interest in a display of swords, he is very much intrigued that it also caught your attention. even he can't help admiring the designs of the swords, despite being perfectly happy with his own.

"i didn't know that you were interested in this sort of thing," he folds his arms, looking down at where you're squatted.

"i have learnt how to sword-fight in the past... but i wouldn't exactly call myself a pro," you tell him as you trace your finger over the blade, careful sure not to cut yourself. "even though it's been a while, i still enjoy it and admire people who are great at it."

zoro quickly looks away just for a second, before looking back with a small smirk. "is that so? i want to see for myself." he tried to hide his interest in seeing the skills you claimed to have had.

"i guess i could try, but i'm probably rusty now and these swords are pretty expensive." you sigh as you stand up and face him.

before zoro could argue, you hear loud voices chanting not too far away from you both. you and zoro turn your heads to see some marines not too far away, obviously having recognised you both, charging faster in your direction with weapons in their hands.

zoro was quick to draw out his swords and fight, however you had an idea, and a highly impulsive one. you quickly snatch one of the swords from the display, much to the dismay of the stall's owner as you let out a short "sorry, but i need to borrow this!" and follow zoro into the fight.

with all your strength, and despite how unsure you were of yourself, you grip the sword tightly and slice the marines, making them fall onto the ground and heave in pain, then turn around to fight off the rest that are behind you. having been victorious, and seeing them on the ground, you laugh, pleasantly surprised at yourself. from the corner of your eye, you catch zoro smiling at your show as he deals with the last marine.

after that day, zoro now felt a new level of respect, but also admiration of you, stunned that you also had an interest and talent in the same thing as him. he even bought you the sword that you had used, which nami wasn't too happy about at first, but he wanted to see you in action again, better if by his side.

he mentally made note to ask you to train with him one day and even show you techniques that you might be interested in - he's excited to have a sparring partner to practice with!

sanji

cooking is SANJI'S whole life, it was his very first love and he would never trade it for the world. he loves the feeling of making and serving food to hungry people with a smile, even if he's the only one doing it on the ship.

when sanji discovers that you have a knack and enjoyment for cooking yourself, his love and admiration for you grows tenfold.

after returning to the sunny with groceries for dinner, sanji notices a heavenly smell coming from the kitchen. he knows it can't be luffy - he would never be able to make food smell that good without burning the kitchen down. when he opens the door, he is surprised to see you busying yourself rolling dough and pressing it into shapes, while something is baking in the oven.

"mon chéri, are you making something?" he sets the shopping down on the counter and comes to inspect what you're doing.

"yes, luffy was getting hungry and you weren't here, so i decided to make pastries for us all to share," you indicated to what was baking in the oven. "sorry, i didn't want to use the kitchen without asking you, but i didn't want luffy to wreak havoc with his hunger..."

"it's no problem, love," he smiles warmly, then glances at the pastries you're moulding, each in pristine and neat shape. "they look amazing, i didn't know you were so experienced!"

you laugh quietly. "i love cooking so much - and baking - but i love your cooking much more."

sanji flushes for a second, taken aback by the sincerity in your compliment, but also your modesty. "you should've told me sooner, dear. and you don't need to ask to use the kitchen - in fact, i'd love it if we cooked together."

after the rest of the crew joins you both and share the finished pastries together, sanji feels so happy that he's discovered that he has a common interest with someone in the crew, especially because it's his number one passion!

that same night, after you tell him about how much you love cooking and what you've made in the past, he practically begs you to cook dinner with him - not because he can't manage on his own, but he knows it would be more fun if he was doing it with someone who is also passionate as he is. after, he even lets you borrow his favourite cookbooks, lets you in on his best recipes, and makes it a personal mission to cook with you more!

[smiirp]

Bad faith? Have you read what you wrote?

Let's take a look at your new example of "50-person art collaboration that will only be affordable to middle class kids with middle class disposable income." None of these things make these kinds of zines "a new and alien graft on an old medium" because none of these things push it out of the "self published magazine" category. It is not "alien" from zines of old because creators can use new technologies and tools to do it, or because there are so many people who want to participate that you have to curate the selection. If Kirk/Spock shippers of the 60s had the means and methods to make bigger, shinier, collaborative zines, some of them probably would have because the spirit is in publishing something yourself with whatever tools are available. We have more tools now, so we have more kinds of zines.

It is is perfectly possible to make a post promoting and discussing more accessible forms of zine-making without also insinuating that other methods are some kind of perversion of the true, pure form. You could also discuss how fairs, festivals, conventions and online spaces force very different zine forms into a shared context where one is devalued over the other. But if you try to start this conversation about these differences and changes in zine format and culture by boldy stating that the new forms aren't actually zines or by claiming people who participate in other forms of zine making "exploit the connotations of amateur, punk production values" of a practice they have equal claim to, you will get people arguing with you about semantics because that's a load of shit.

Zines are not defined by production value, and fanzines cannot "exploit" the name of traditions they are directly carrying on. The examples you posted yourself prove this. They show that there is no "foundational meaning" of the form that you're claiming to preserve because zines are a FORM they are not defined by content any more than any other forms are. And the examples you added are all ancestors of all the shiny, submission based, kickstarter backed projects you hate whether you like it or not.

Hey, If this post reached only 5 people I wouldn't give a shit about your bizarre take, but I don't want people's introduction to zines and zinemaking (which your post now is for some) to give them the false idea that people who make 8-pagers are making the good, pure zines and people who contribute to or organize or buy the more elaborate projects are masquerading as zine makers when they're basically just cousins.

the whole point of a zine is that it's cheap to produce, amateur and homemade. if you're being asked to apply to participate in a print project, it is not a zine. if the final product is being printed and bound professionally, it is not a zine. if you are being asked to enter into any kind of licensing agreement more complex than "my work can be reproduced as part of this publication" it is not a zine. nine times put of ten if the final product costs more than $5 you have left zine country. im so serious about this.

[darrowfire15]

I just had the stupidest idea that Catnap carries Yarnaby like this:

Solely because Yarnaby doesn't have a scruff, Catnap can't close his mouth, and I think it would be funny. Obviously, Yarnaby would be squirming, but I'm sure it's not an issue.

(Also, god is it hard to find pictures of Zira carrying Kovu. That's always a weird detail for me since Simba actually carries Kiara by her scruff)

The AU Idea

[nanami-is-nanamean]

Hi. I have seen a nerdjo fanart and went a little insane.

I specifically saw this art--

and like LJKHFGLKJSHLDFKhGKLSD i know its satosugu or some kind of self insert bUT HEAR ME OUT OKAY--

the thought of a nerdjo nanago where GOJO is the straightlaced person in the relationship while NANAMI is the "bad influence" rough and tough bad guy iS SO GOOD TO MEEEEEEE

BECAUSE LIKE--

we all collectively hc nanami as being some kind of emo punk in hs or at the very least got into some bullshit during his uni/college years when he got out of juju tech and this is just its Natural Conclusion OKAY-- IM NOT INSANE BUT I WILL ADMIT THAT I AM GOING FERAL

Because like-- imagine a college au where gojo and nanami are assigned to be each others tutors in their respective fields (gojo with physics and nanami in economics). Gojo is painting this picture of a mean, money focused economics student that would rather look at the stock market than entertain theoretical physics, a subject that wont really affect his life before meeting him

But then they actually meet each other for their study session for the first time and oh god gojos never felt this gay before-- other than the time that gojo discovered he was gay, dear LORD he didnt feel that bad before KJLGSDGDL

Because while yeah, nanami did show up rockin the stereotypical hoity toity econ student fit-- glasses, collared shirt, watch, shined shoes-- he didnt expect him to be built like a brick shithouse, okay. And even as he fell back on his tried and true method of getting back into focus (which is breaking things down using physics to figure out how they interact with the world), even that failed because he started wondering about the physics of fabrics and how they didnt rip yet from such huge rippling muscles

He does manage to get through the tutoring lesson safely and, thank god it was the physics lesson first because if he had to sit there listening to nanamis voice talk about literally anything for extended periods of time, he may turn into a puddle. As gojo packs up, both his materials and his thoughts that are steering WILDLY into inappropriate territory, he resigns himself into being the fushiguros babysitter for the next 3 weeks because cleaning up baby diapers are the fastest way to get rid of a boner and he cant be popping those everytime hes around nanami

So imagine gojos surprise when nanami hesitates a bit before he leaves. "Are you busy tonight?" "...what?" "Are you busy tonight." "Uhm..."

Is this it? Is his 1 to 2 hour long crush discovered? Is nanami actually straight, found out his gayness, and decided to destroy him????

"...I noticed you didn't have anything down on your planner. A friend of mine got sick, so now im kind of going alone to this concert." "...Oh! Aren't you gonna--" "Sell the ticket? No, its... not really a concert, its an underground diy venue. its more live music in a bar, than an actual concert you buy tickets to. you get to find a lot of small starting artists. its pretty good." "...so youre saying is, there's no ticket to sell?"

gojo's breath hitches, as his deep chuckle graces his ears. "yeah, no tickets." his face is warm, and he has no idea if it shows. nanamis eyes tear themselves away from wherever they roamed and met his again. "you wanna come?" "y-yeah! yeah sure, im down."

he really fumbled the delivery on that one, but thank god nanami seems to like clumsy people because that just widened the small smile on his face. "that's good. see you 8 down at the lawsons?" "8 at the lawsons, yeah sure okay--" a nod, a grin, and he walks off.

Triple Threat Tokyo Groupchat

Sight Impediment: @/Dr. House Kinnie @/The Ball Vorer help what should i wear to an underground bar Dr. House Kinnie: wtf happened on that tutoring session gay boi The Ball Vorer: what else dude, he was being gay Sight Impediment: YOU GUYS ARENT HELPING

[cherryxblossxms]

Hm upon posting that Beelzebub thing, realized it'd be very embarrassing to be in Hell while on your period.... Beelzebub is already bad enough, but I feel like the others who aren't as familiar with humans or human bodies and menstruation, the second they smell blood, they're freaking out 😭 anyway, here's some headcanons for just the kings:

◇ Satan probably has some general idea of what a period is, he's fairly knowledgeable, but there's a solid minute where he's ready to kill because he smells blood on you and is convinced you've been hurt. Takes a lot of restraining to get him calm enough to listen to you so you can tell him it's just your monthlies. After that he's pretty good. Doesn't like to see you in pain, and he gets very restless knowing there's not really anything he can do. It's the only time he'll let you cuddle with Ppyong, if it makes you feel better. He'll likely scare off everyone else, though, and prefers to keep you where he can see you until it's done.

◇ Mammon is wonderfully sweet when learning about your period, and is probably a rare one to ask questions about the info you give him, too. He has the wealth to get you everything you need for your period... and then some. Every new gadget out there, he's buying it for you to try. It's over the top but he means well. His master hurting causes him hurt, too. Even Bimet is a little kinder in his words (and its a good time to milk a little sympathy from him with your tears, because he panics wonderfully).

◇ Leviathan gets extra anxious and irritated around you, almost like he's having sympathetic period symptoms, but it's also just because he smells the blood and it brings up bad memories. He's a little gentler, at least, and maybe tries to keep you settled in a room of his choosing until your period is done. Brings you whatever you need because seeing you suffering does tug on his heartstrings, even if he won't admit it. He's a sweetheart, but he'd rather explode than let on that he cares. He's also going to ward off others from seeing you, wanting to be the only one taking care of you in this sensitive state, much to the disappointment of his three men.

◇ Belphegor will rub against you wrong during your period, but never intentionally. He cares, but he doesn't care like that, you know? Beleth will really be the saving grace here, talks to you in that kind Southern drawl he's got, fetches you a drink and a blanket if you need it. Probably will apologize on behalf of his king for being a piece of work when you're suffering lmao. But at least Belphegor makes for a great napping partner. If you get horny and need him, he doesn't mind the period part. But, he will leave the cleaning up to you or his right hand man. In fact, he may even sleep through the sex itself, tbh.

◇ Asmodeus.......... He's no stranger to periods whatsoever. It goes without saying, but number one thing with him will be period sex. He's heard enough about how sex could help relieve your pain, and he's more than happy to volunteer to help in that regard. But that being said, he's not entirely shameless. If you manage to resist him, he'll make do with holding you and maybe telling you some tales from his visits to Earth, raunchy or not, as a means of distraction for you. You'll just have to excuse his thing poking into you the whole time, and perhaps some wandering hands.

◇ We've already discussed Beelzebub previously, but just to keep it all together... He's a freak. Its not his favorite time, per se, but he still kind of loves when you're on your period??? He's always obsessed with your scent and it's even worse during your monthly. Another one who is happy to fuck you or eat you out during your period if you want him to. But if not, then he'll satisfy himself just hanging around. Similar to Belphegor, he may get on your nerves, so high likelihood that Bael will be the one helping you the most, not that he'll complain about it. He does have the same philia as his king so he does enjoy being around you, too, he's just much more courteous about it.

◇ Lucifer will be the most normal one, somehow, long familiar with periods and how to help them. He doesn't exactly have Midol or Aleve, or typical period products, but he'll work it out. Probably makes some kind of medicinal compound out of herbs that relieves pain, and he at least supplies you with cloths as your pads. He knows, too, what foods you should eat that will best replenish your iron, your energy, and decrease fatigue. Really, his whole squad is in on it, working to make you feel better until your period is done, and it's a little embarrassing. But they all mean well, and if anyone's ideal for care, it'll be the healers.

[fabuloustrash05]

I will always stand by the fact that Raphael had the best character development in the 2012 series while Leo was kind of an opposite.

Raph learns to open up more about his emotions and feelings instead, I’m just resorting to violence. By the final season, he’s more affectionate with his brothers, openly cares about others without fear of being mocked or looking like he’s weak, gets a girlfriend and has a responsibility as a parental figure to Chompy. His relationship with Mona especially would’ve been very different if he met her in season 1. When everyone finds out Raph has a crush on her and immediately start teasing him, Raph doesn’t get angry or denies his feelings for her. He openly admits it and he’s never once afraid to show how he feels about her in front of other people. If season 1, Raph had a crush, he would’ve quickly denied it and probably punched someone (Mikey) if they even suggested it. Raph learns to be more open and it leads to him having a more happy life, which is why his happy ending in the series is him having the two most important people in his life with (Mona and Chompy).

Leo’s development is more of a reverse. Truly showing that the responsibility of being leader and later sensei of his clan has taken away his ambition and excitement he had in the first season. In season one he’s more open to the idea of bad people turning good but by seasons 4-5 Leo is very distrusting of people. He’s always serious and rarely has moments to be silly and goofy and act his age. April says it perfectly in season 5; “the weight of the world is always on his shoulders”. I pointed this out in another post of mine, but notice how Leo was the only one who doesn’t really have a best friend, just close associates or friends who are closer friends with his siblings. Leo’s role as a leader, and even a parental figure to his brothers, has taken away his excitement that he had in season 1. He went through all of this drama, pain, stress, and mental struggles, and for what? Also, he could be like his idol Captain Ryan.

An ironic thing about of the 2012 TMNT series is that as the show goes on, Raph opens up more while Leo shuts down more.

A bit like this:

Leo liked to annoy him much more in the earlier seasons. Then things got a bit too intense especially post season 2.

But Raph? Raph started out stubborn and guarded, but grew to be more soft and just overall more affectionate with his brothers.

[wickerwax]

Imitation, and Other Forms of Flattery (Codywan First Kiss Bingo 4)

There was a tubie on-board The Negotiator.

There should not have been a tubie anywhere near the star destroyer, not unless they were doing some sort of refugee carrying, or helping out with a- a- a migration or resettlement or something – there should very specifically not have been a clone trooper tubie on The Negotiator while they were in hyperspace after leaving Coruscant.

They hadn’t even been near Kamino in weeks!?

Cody felt like he was having a stroke. He was pretty sure the Kaminoans had bred those out but the tubie - and his General cuddling it - were winning that battle against Kaminoan engineering.

“Hello there, Commander,” said his General, continuing to cuddle the tubie. It looked at him with big, dark eyes, and something in him quailed that he could ever have been so small as that. This was not office-appropriate.

“General,” he replied, strangled. “Sir, what-”

“We had a stowaway, it seems.” the man interrupted smoothly, smiling. “Luckily we hadn’t gotten very far -”

The ship shuddered gently as it exited hyperspace.

“-Ah, excellent. We’ll have one of the Seeker ships out here in no time to retrieve her.” The tubie snuggled against General Kenobi’s neck, starting to giggle at the tickle of his beard. A small brown hand buried itself in the ginger-blond. He stared.

“Sir,” Cody said, because that only explained the barest tip of the iceberg of what was going on, “Why would – I mean, that’s a tubie. General.”

Kenobi looked down at the impossible creature and Cody watched that soft-eyed smile get wider. “Oh. Oh. My apologies, Cody dear. Zanah here is one of our younglings, she’s a clawdite – she’s been fascinated with your brothers. They do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”

The tubie -Zanah – blinked hugely at Cody. Abruptly, she released his General’s beard and flopped sideways, both hands grabbing for- for him. “Co-ee!” she said, as Kenobi shifted his grip to accommodate her new orientation. “Co-ee, up!”

“Manners, Zanah,” the Jedi scolded fondly.

“Up, Co-ee, please.” she amended instantly, batting her eyes.

“You’re already as up as it gets without General Skywalker here,” Cody told the tubie. She seemed unappeased. He found the picture they made, his General’s freckled face close with that small, very familiar one, vaguely discomforting in a way he really didn’t want to explore. “I can’t help you with up more than the General can.”

Zanah scrunched up her face – his face, once – and tears welled up in those brown eyes.

“Please?” she half-lisped, and Cody broke. He stepped into their space, arms lifting automatically, and got a child to the chest before he was ready (he was never going to be ready. Not this child – not this close to Kenobi).

The tears vanished like magic as she squirrelled herself into his arms. She settled her curly little head on his shoulder and nestled in like she was -

“Oh,” Kenobi said softly, and Cody made the mistake of looking up. Neither of them stepped back post-child-transfer, and grey-blue eyes now filled his metaphorical viewscreen. “A nap is probably a good idea.”

He could tip his head forward and they would be touching. Cody adjusted his hold on the – on Zanah. “You said a Seeker ship was coming?” He kept his voice low and private – to avoid upsetting the tubie snuffling into his shoulder. Not so his General needed to stay closed in this moment with him just to hear. It was – strategic.

The Jedi hummed quietly. “They already knew she was missing – it doesn’t tend to take us long.” Smiling at close range like that was a kind of lethality Cody wished he had taken into account. He could see the shadow of a dimple beneath that coppery beard, the exact angle the corner of his mouth curled up. “So it was a matter of direction. I’d give it a half hour, at best. It took me nearly that to retrieve her from Waxer and Boil.”

A suspicious absence, now that Cody knows. “I’m surprised they didn’t follow you in here, General.”

“Ah, well, they mentioned something about an appropriate send-off.” Kenobi’s gaze dropped to the small, slumbering creature, who had apparently had a very exciting morning. “She does seem charmed by you, Commander.”

He should slide the fragile little bundle back into Kenobi’s far gentler, peace-knowing hands and go disrupt his senior officers almost-certainly out of control plans. He patted her back instead and allowed the oddly sticky grip on the neck of his blacks to remain. “She has limited experience, I imagine, sir.”

The Jedi laughed quietly at him. “Or, my dear Commander, you are simply a very charming man.”

While he was distracted over that, his General had clearly come to some sort of resolution. He laid a warm hand on Cody’s shoulder and nudged him down into his seat, as across the room the kettle lit up and started to heat. “If you are to play sleeping mat, darling, I can at least see you properly acquitted with chair and caf.”

Sitting, his arms occupied by cradling a Jedi youngling who thought their faces were fascinating enough to voluntarily wear – who so immediately classed Cody as a desirable holder and space to sleep – he had nothing to do but watch General Kenobi make the drinks. There was an economy of movement there – having done this exact thing so many times – and his face was lowered like he was focusing but – he couldn’t be really. Who focused that much on tea and caf when their hands so thoroughly knew their work? No, Kenobi was thinking.

He, too, might be considering strategies to avoid the worst of Waxer and Boil’s excess. Their idea of an appropriate send-off could be anything from a late-stage kidnapping to a hazardous-to-the-ventilation number of contraband balloons.

He hoped it was the balloons.

He could make them clean up that mess and consider the consequences of excess. Not – not disguising the tubie as one of the MSE droids or something ridiculous.

The cup of caf clinked as his General set it on the table and Cody jolted. The Jedi was smiling again, blue eyes gleaming cheerful amidst their multitude of irritatingly-appealing eye crinkles. He did not comment on Cody’s frown. Only touched two fingers back to his shoulder and murmured, “If you lean back slightly, you should only need the one arm to keep her stable – at least for as long as it takes to sip.”

Carefully, Cody shifted himself backwards. Zanah snorted into his shoulder, and he felt an unpleasant dampness forming as she drooled in her sleep. She kicked. Her tiny foot bounced off his ribs and he felt a completely disproportionate kind of pain at how little force there was behind the hit.

“There you go,” Kenobi’s voice was so soft. He looked like he was holding back from leaning in himself and Cody had no idea what to do with that thought. Slowly, he lifted the non-weight-bearing arm resting against Zanah’s back. She kept sleeping, and Cody got a caf mug deposited with great care into his hand.

“Thank you, sir.” Cody hesitated, then continued, “Will she get in trouble?”

The Jedi retrieved his own mug and took his neighbouring seat before answering. “Will she be punished? No, of course not. But there will be conversations with her carers about letting someone know where she is – about how we worried she was lost or hurt. Gently, at what level she can best understand. And – apparently she managed a rather impressive notice-me-not – her crèchemaster will be on the lookout for that sort of – well, it’s kind of like a gap in your senses, it’s far more difficult to add noise to properly cover that absence – ah, that is to say, we shall adjust to meet her where she is. There may be changes.” He sighed, staring down into his tea as though the faintly steaming liquid held answers and not floral complexities I find comforting when surrounded by all this durasteel, Cody dear. “It is easier when the Temple is less empty.”

Cody hummed, comforted himself by the now-familiar tangle of scents.

“So, no. She won’t be in trouble, Cody, not like that.” he finished, glancing over - smile ebbed away into regrettable wryness. Previous conversations – tiptoeing around Kamino and its approach to the raising of their units – lay between them like a napping kamoradon. He could almost hear the not like you were. The I’m sorry for what was done. The I would see every brother of yours given home and hope and childhood were it in my power. He chose to leave the kamoradon un-woken. It wasn’t him that those teeth were pointing at.

As well, it wasn’t like he didn’t know about the meetings with senators – Kenobi pulled him in on as many as he could, was hardly the only Jedi asking their troops for input on the progress and wording of bills. Was aware, as well, that the Jedi Order at large had had no idea of their existence until his General – his General – had all but stumbled across them. The Prime had a lot to answer for – it was probably the only uncomplicated reason he had for wishing sometimes that the man had made it off Geonosis.

Zanah hurked in a sudden breath that took all of her tiny body and he had to replace the caf tableward with a clink to stabilise her. Her face lifted up towards him and she slapped a hand to his cheek in a clumsy pat as he blinked at her. The hand was not any less sticky for having already grimed his collar. “Co-ee sad?” she said, looking like she would mutiny about it if he was. Little gods, his officers would let her.

“No, no, I’m okay.” he said hurriedly, half-aware of his General’s attention getting sharper. “I was – ah, I was worried about you, Zanah.”

Her face – vod but not – scrunched. She said, voice wavering, “Zanah sad?”

His lungs grew knots. “No – Zanah, everyone is okay. It’s all okay. You were having a nice nap, yeah?”

Blinking hugely – but not yet watering – she considered him from right up close. She patted at his face again, nearer his scar. “Face hurted?”

The relief was enormous. He breathed out like a flood scouring a wadi clean. “Yeah- yes. Yes, it aches a little. It’s okay now, thank you.”

That solemn little face observed him. He could see his Jedi in that expression, and on that face it ached. If he looked sideways he might see it twice over, so he concentrated on making himself look calm and peaceful for the tubie – the youngling.

She narrowed her eyes. Nodded firmly. “Needs a kiss better. Master Urlu says it kind- kindest sooda sting.”

“Kindness soothes the sting,” General Kenobi repeated smoothly, “Well done, Zanah. What if Cody doesn’t want a kiss?”

Cody was not looking. “Cody might want-”

“Hafta ask what’s their kindest. Kind-ness, Master ‘Nobi.” Zanah said, overlapping, wiggling excitedly at the Jedi Master, “What helps.” She arrowed back in on Cody as he swallowed. Master ‘Nobi. “What helps, Co-ee? Cody?”

“A kiss would help,” he allowed, ducking his head down. She planted a kiss over the scar with an enthusiastic smack. His General was poorly muffling a laugh. He was having altogether too many feelings for a Marshal Commander on a warship and none of them were about combat, save for that which he would indulge in if someone upset this tubie.

“Master ‘Nobi, kiss help!” Zanah said, doing more of her delighted wiggling. He was focused on making sure she didn’t overbalance and didn’t take enough notice of the laugh to his side strangling quiet. When she jabbed a hand out towards the General, he compensated automatically and followed her gaze to a paling Kenobi.

Cody suddenly registered the stare-down occurring. Zanah was dramatically furrowing her less-than-impressive eyebrows, while General Kenobi was raising his with an air of studied innocence. “Just so, your kiss helped Cody feel better.”

“Master ‘Nobi! You gotta ask.” she maintained. “Master Urlu-”

“Cody,” The Jedi said, pretending he wasn’t clinging to his tea, “It simply must be asked, it appears. What would help you, my dear?”

He had a mad, brilliant, shooting-star idea. He could space himself. His mouth said, his mouth repeated, “A kiss would help.”

Zanah crowed. Kenobi’s pale filled back in with pink. “Ah.” he said.

“Quite,” he said.

“Wonderful modelling, positive reinforcement around affection between friendly adults,” he said.

Cody had clearly lost his mind and all he could think to do was smile. Encouraging. Zanah crowed again, and his General put his mug down too loudly.

“Right,” he said, and leaned over. He ruffled Zanah’s curls until she giggled and did her ineffectual best to push him at Cody’s face. Still, the man moved his focus. Once again, this close, his eyes were sabre-bright. Lightning against storm clouds. Hard to look at without getting dazzled. “Last chance, Commander.”

“I’m looking forward to being soothed by your kindness.” he replied, utterly incapable of melting butter or any other dairy-based product. Too smooth – Kenobi’s legendary side-eye made an appearance, and also he seemed to be about a foot above his own head while somehow still almost nose-to-nose. “You asked, General.”

“I have been utterly railroaded and I’m not sure it wasn’t planned.” his General muttered, twitchy. He touched a hand to Cody’s shoulder again – barely felt, hardly worth a mention, burning – and ghosted a kiss over the scar curling Cody’s eye. “Better, Cody?”

“I’m not, uh, not sure I felt that.” he managed, half his voice getting lost in-between his lungs and his lips.

This close, he thought he heard the Jedi say, you’re going to be the death of me, but then Kenobi was pressing his mouth firmly to his scar, soft and warm and impossible, and Cody lost the whisper in favour of replaying the touch as his General drew back, looking – unsure.

“Better?’ he asked again and Cody fished up a bright smile for him and for Zanah, bouncing against his shoulder and beaming upwards.

“Much.” he said, as something sunlit and fluttering went bacchanal in his chest. “Much better.”

The pink in General Kenobi’s cheeks darkened a touch. He sat properly back into his seat, averting his eyes and taking up his tea as anchor. “Excellent! Well then-”

His comm chirped loudly. Kenobi lunged for it. “Ah, the Seeker’s ship has arrived. Zanah, my darling, your chariot home is here.”

“Master Urlu?” she asked.

“Shall we go and find out?” he asked her. His shoulders had smoothed back out with a task at hand. Cody’s face still tingled.

Zanah squealed and reached for him and Cody’s tubie was neatly stolen away. His General paused - at the door before Cody’d even managed to get to his feet. “Perhaps, Commander, you might waylay our excellent officers before any especially extravagant plans come to fruition? I’ll delay so you, and they, can make their goodbyes, of course.”

Cody’s eyes narrowed. “Coward.” he accused.

Kenobi took the hit and grinned. “On this? Undoubtedly.”

@codywanfirstkissbingo number foooour is "uncertain kiss" and it's also my swapsie <3333 cl