#is everyone just gonna forget this happened now? :/
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Forever a Family
Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle x Teen
Y/N sat on her bed, her Barcelona jersey crumpled in her hands. It was a special oneâgifted to her by Lucy and Ona on her first day as part of the senior team. The embroidered crest felt heavy now, like it was holding all the emotions she didnât want to feel.
Lucy was leaving
Her mind spun with questions she couldnât answer Where would she go for advice when she felt overwhelmed? Whoâd make pancakes with Ona on lazy Sunday mornings while teasing her about her messy room ? Whoâd cheer her on with that mix of pride and protectiveness that only Lucy had?
A soft knock interrupted her spiraling thoughts. Y/N quickly wiped her eyes.âY/N?â Onaâs voice came through the door. It was calm, like always, but there was a hint of concern behind it. âCan we come in?â
Y/N didnât answer right away. But she couldnât ignore Onaânot with the way she always seemed to know exactly when something was wrong.
âYeah,â she finally mumbled, keeping her gaze fixed on the jersey in her lap.
The door creaked open, and Ona stepped in first. Her eyes softened when she saw Y/N curled up on the bed. Behind her, Lucy stood quietly, looking hesitantâan expression Y/N rarely saw on her face.
Ona sat beside Y/N, resting a hand on her shoulder. Lucy walked over and crouched down in front of her, making herself small in a way that made Y/Nâs heart clench.
âY/N,â Lucy said gently, her voice warm but unsure. âWe need to talk about this. About⊠me leaving.â
Y/Nâs throat tightened. âI already know,â she said quickly, her voice cracking. âYouâre going to Chelsea. Everyoneâs talking about it. Itâs fine.â
âItâs not fine if it upsets you,â Lucy said immediately. Her tone was firm, but her gaze was soft. âThatâs why we wanted to talk to you.â
Y/Nâs jaw tightened, her hands gripping the jersey. âYouâre leaving. Itâs gonna be different. And IâI donât know whatâs gonna happen to us.â
Ona gave Lucy a small nod, encouraging her to speak. Lucy let out a breath, sitting down fully on the floor so she could meet Y/Nâs eyes.
âListen to me,â Lucy said, her voice steady but low. âThis isnât about leaving you. Youâre family, Y/N. Youâve been family since the day you moved in with us. And nothingânot this transfer, not anythingâcan change that.â
Y/N bit her lip, her vision blurring with tears. âBut you wonât be here anymore,â she whispered. âWhat if you forget about me?â
Onaâs hand gently rubbed Y/Nâs back, her voice quiet but sure. âLucyâs going to Chelsea because itâs the right move for her career. But that doesnât mean youâre losing her. And youâll always have me here. Weâre not just your teammates, Y/N. Weâre your family. Families stick together.â
Lucy leaned forward, taking Y/Nâs hands in hers. âWhen your parents left, we promised youâd never be alone again. And we meant it. Sure, Iâll be in London, but that doesnât mean Iâll stop annoying you every day or flying back when you need me. Youâre stuck with me, kid.â
Y/N sniffled, the tears spilling over despite her best efforts. Ona wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close, and Lucy gently squeezed her hands.
âYouâll call, right?â Y/N asked, her voice small.
Lucy smiled softly, her eyes shining with emotion. âEvery day, if you want me to. And Iâll make sure you know exactly when Iâll visit. Weâll make it work, I promise.â
Ona pressed a kiss to Y/Nâs temple. âYouâre not losing us. Iâll make sure Lucy keeps her promises.â
Ona smirked suddenly, breaking the emotional moment. âBesides, Chelseaâs just Lucyâs retirement plan. Sheâs getting old, Y/Nâsoon sheâll be creaking more than running.â
âExcuse me?â Lucy shot back, pretending to look offended.
Ona laughed, winking at Y/N. âDonât worry. When she canât keep up with the game anymore, sheâll be back here to bother us full-time.â
Y/N burst into laughter, wiping the last of her tears. âGuess Iâll hold you to that, Lucy.â
âYeah, yeah,â Lucy muttered with a playful glare at Ona. But her grin betrayed her. âJust you wait, Y/N. Iâll be back before you know itâretirement and all.â
And for the first time that day, Y/N felt like things might just be okay.
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https://www.tumblr.com/zweiginator/771055292237725696/being-arts-little-sisters-best-friend-and-youve
your mind...being childhood friends with the donaldsons and being so close with art's sister that you've been taken along on little family trips...art's parents let him bring along his best friend patrick too :(
thinking about sleeping over the same night art's having patrick over and pat says something stupid about you coming to "hang out with the big boys"
and patrick is a lot more forthcoming than art would ever be.
âcâmon,â he tells art, sucking on the end of a cigarette. art is frantically looking underneath the balcony theyâre standing on, making sure his parents canât see what theyâre doing.
âworst case scenario she says no.â
art is shaking his head. âsheâs my little sisterâs best friendâi just feel like itâs a bad idea. like, slimy.â
but patrick can tell heâs just scared of rejection. he hands the cigarette to art and watches him intently, how he draws the smoke into his mouth like an antidote for his anxiety, his overthinking.
âsheâs not gonna say no.â patrick says it like he knows itâs true. of course, he could never know, but patrick has a confidence that makes people believe heâs all-knowing, like god or something.
so later that night patrick corners you as youâre ascending the stairs to go to sleep. you had just gotten yourself a glass of water.
âgoing to bed already?â
art is biting his nails. heâs already upstairs and he wishes he could close his eyes and forget all this ever happened. he could just jerk off to the thought of you like he always does. he mouths to patrick. âwhat are you doing?â
patrick ignores him. âitâs early.â
ânot everyone sleeps in âtil one.â
âcome upstairs with us.â patrick holds your arm.
âiâm trying to go upstairs but youâre blocking me.â
ââcause i want you to hand out with us.â
you try to ignore how patrickâs touch feels like it has ignited something in you. maybe itâs the dry spell youâve been in or maybe itâs the devious twinkle in his green eyes, how art acts so innocent at the top of the stairs.
âhang out? in artâs room?â you swallow. âand do what?â
patrickâs jaw ticks and he shrugs. âdunno. whatever we want.â
you scoff. âiâm not that kind of girl.â and you donât like how it sounds coming out of your mouth. you donât say things like that and you certainly donât think them either but you know how patrick treats women. you just wanted to get that point across. because something about his height and the flex of his bicep as he leans against the wall that makes girls lose all self respect around him. you donât want it to happen to you.
but art, art is the opposite. heâs hot, of course, but in a different way. heâs the type of hot where he doesnât even know it.
âwhat are you talking about?â patrick lets you past him.
âyou know what iâm talking about.â
art butts in, face flustered. âiâm sorry. goodnight.â
âwhy are you apologizing? it wasnât you.â
and art grows even redder. it makes you want to poke fun at him.
âohââ you stand in his doorway. art is in his room now, patrick behind you. âso you were in on it. you just wanted your friend to do the brunt of the work.â
patrick chuckles.
âi think maybe you need to learn how to ask a girl out yourself.â
âwho said weâre asking you out?â patrickâs breath is hot on your neck. âyou know what weâre asking you for.â
you turn around. âwho the fuck do you think you are?â your heart beats fast and you feel your voice faltering.
patrick gets closer, moving in your personal space. he smells like cigarettes and peppermint gum, a tinge of citrus beer from earlier.
âif you donât want it, then go to your room. weâll forget any of this happened.â
and even though you swore youâd maintain your self-respect, you pull patrick in by his collar and donât say a thing as he shuts the door behind you both.
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NUMBER ONE GIRL
38. feeling feelings (written)
prev // m.list // next
As cliché as it sounds, before meeting you, Yeonjun never actually thought about the consequences of his actions. After the incident with Minho, he only cares about having a good time and surrounding himself with pleasure and excitement so he could drown his pain. At some point, he actually stopped feeling hurt and started enjoying the parties, the drinks, and the girls. All the attention and praise he got made him feel part of everyone else, as if he was no longer an outsider. However, at the same time, all of that made him seem unreachable for most people. It was perfect; he got to enjoy the mundanity of it all while protecting himself from yet another heartbreak. But then it wasn't...
Meeting you is the best thing that could have happened to him. Yes, you were broken, but you both have been trying to build each other back up and make something real out of it. He's happy. When he's with you he forgets the past, and then it reaches him and makes him doubt. His insecurities drag him down and scream at him how he's not enough. He wasn't enough back then and he's even worse now.
"Wanna talk about it?" You ask while running your fingers through his hair, something you just learned helps him relax.
"I have to." His voice is merely above a whisper but is enough to make you shiver. Sure, you've cuddled and shared a bed before, but he's never exactly been this close to you. Every breath he takes tickles your neck and makes you want to have him even closer.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want."
"I do want to tell you but for now let me stay like this a little longer." He feels so small and yet so safe. Has he ever been held like this? Maybe his bar is also on the floor.
"Whatever you need."
He wakes up in the middle of the night without being able to remember when he fell asleep. Your arms are still around him and you're still playing with his hair.
"Why are you still awake?"
"I'm not tired, it's not even midnight." He can hear the smile. "Had a good nap?"
"Absolutely, you're the best pillow ever." He wraps his arms around your waist and brings your bodies closer.
"Charming as ever, I see."
You stay like that for a little while, just bathing in each other's presence and warmth. He's scared to even breathe too loud and bursting this bubble of peace and comfort. He has to, though.
"I'm sorry," he starts and before you can protest he continues. "I know you think I don't have to apologize but I need to. You've been going through some messed up shit because of me and you don't deserve to. And maybe you didn't want to make me feel bad or whatever but you should've told me.
I'm not mad, though. If anything I just feel grateful that you thought about me even in that overwhelming situation. But this also made me realize how much more you deserve. I can't change my past and I can't promise you people are just gonna leave us alone, they have the right to feel whatever they're feeling after all.
What I can promise is that I'll do everything in my power to make you feel confident in this relationship. You have nothing to worry about. I'll try even harder."
"Yeon-"
"Please, let me finish. I'll make us work. But, if you have already decided this is too much and you don't wanna go through the hassle I also understand that. You didn't sign up for this kind of harassment after all. I'll stay away if that's what you want. I'll even give you space to think about it."
He sounds so defeated. He told you he had issues, you just didn't realize how deep his insecurities run.
"There's nothing to think about," your voice remains calm. "I want to be with you. It's not a hassle and you're not too much. I'll be happy to walk with you and make this work."
He doesn't say anything, he just buries his face in the crook of your neck and holds you even tighter. He even sheds some tears but you don't notice, and if you do you don't comment on it. Is this what love feels like?
notes:
I love them so much
beomgyu adores yn because she makes yeonjun happy but he's never saying that out loud
taglist: (30/50)
@estella-novella @poetryforthesad @lisaswifey @angelzforu @ihrtlix @gloriousqueenking @domfikeluva @circus-of-thoughts @conwunder @miniature-tragedy @jeonginplsholdmyhand @sh0dor1 @yourenzoo @tkshairband @realrintaro @castingjinx @amara-mars @hwangrfrnd @nujeskz @jisungs-iced-americano
#kpop au#kpop smau#skz smau#txt smau#5targh0st#5targh0st number one girl#lee know imagines#lee know x reader#stray kids#tomorrow x together#le sserafim yunjin#itzy yeji#aespa karina#yeonjun imagines#yeonjun x reader#yeonjun smau#txt scenarios#txt imagine#txt imagines#txt x reader#lee know smau#skz imagine#skz x reader#skz imagines#kpop imagine#kpop scenarios#kpop fanfic#social media au
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20 BLs Announced for 2025 That I'm Really Excited About
Boys in Love
Thai trailer
Our only true high school BL from GMMTV and it's fresh faces for the youths and old favs for the teachers. It's milk teeth Make it Right and that is perfectly fine with me! I like lotte milk. Also DIMPLES! Yay! I suspect they're using this one to test some new pairs for future seasons. Like a Project 101 Thai BL. (Honestly I just invented an amazing reality TV for you GMMTV, you're welcome.
Fight for You
Taiwan
Da Hei reluctantly takes on dangerous odd jobs to earn medical funds, unaware that his roommate Xiao Bai is secretly an operative sent by the intelligence agency to take them down.
Dare You to Death
Thai trailer
JoongDunk as police investigators in a mystery suspense thriller. Yes, I'm in. This is it. This it the one I wanted to instantly watch. Even though their's 20 BLs airing right now.
Interminable
Thai YouTube
BillyBabe are back in a reincarnation historical.
Love of Silom
Thai WeTV
UpPoom are back in another complex piece. Closeted brokenhearted policeman meets struggling single dad.
Mandate
Thai
A fierce political battle is the starting point of love between two men of different statuses and backgrounds, not to mention a 17 year age gap.
Me and Thee
Thai trailer
A photographer gets involved with the mafia? OMG is this a Thai dupe for Target the Finder? Only mixed with Cyrano? WILD. I mean to say, this one is wild WILD! Plus Est (my love) back in suits and ear dongles I see. Also GMMTV never gonna let us forget they bagged two of BL's best bods with PP, thanks all for the visuals. Of course this is for me. I'm the shallowest, remember? Plus I love a BL that's just a little bit...... well...... stupid.
Me and Who
Thai WeTV trailer
Lead pair from Monster Next Door, BigPark, in an adaptation of Wickedwishâs novel of the same name. A poor young man dies and is reborn into the body of a billionaire heir. The heir happens to be engaged to a handsome man who come to understand his secret.
Memoir of Rati
Thai trailer
Sing the praise song with me BLabies! GreatInn in a HISTORICAL with a class divide and everyone's favourite side couple! Be still my heart! I'm beyond pleased. (Also I got my boat in a lotus pond at last.) My only concern is this could end sad, it's in the title after all.
My Magic Prophecy
Thai trailer
Paranormal mystery with a fortune teller and a doctor. I'm in. I hope the script doesn't fail JimmySea again, they are such a great pair. I'm intrigued by this one but it felt the most formless of all the trailers, so I'm thinking we could see some significant tweaks.
My Romance Scammer
Thai trailer
New couple! My boys Ohm and Fluke (no, not that Fluke, the one from My Ride). Honestly, Fluke has popped up as a side in a couple GMMTV shows I was wondering who they'd BL him with.
This could win. Prettiest human on earth paired with the world's most potent single dimple. Will I survive? I honestly don't know, because Ohm historically doesn't have much chemistry with anyone but the original Fluke so... Still I l do love JuniorMark and this as a really unique premise (gay Heartbreakers), so I'm game.
Secret Relationship
Korea
This 2022 offering is now officially moved to 2025. To be adapted by Cradle Studio (a subsidiary of Kakao). About clever and resourceful Daon who has worked hard to overcome being poor. His cheap ways annoy his coworker, Sunghyeon but after âan incidentâ with his parents, Daon grows closer to him. But Daon also has feelings for his former tutor. This has the signs of a classic Kdrama all over it: Office setting, love triangle, lead suffering for his self-actualization. Iâm optimistic about a longer treatment.
Secret Relationship
Taiwan
Rivals to lovers with unhinged behavior that in the source material ranges from rock-paper-scissors contests to competitive handjobs (yeah, you read that right). If anyone can do this, it's Taiwan.
The Hell Guard
Thai
Boy wakes up from a coma and becomes a messenger between grim reapers and the underworld. I adore this premise.
The Next Prince
Thai trailer
ZeeNew in a fantasy/historical set in a palace where Zee plays a knight and Nu a prince - YES PLEASE.
The Wicked Game
Thai
DaouOffroad doing some Jack & Joker action. Trust is a luxury. Deception is a game.
The Young Gangster
Taiwan WeTV
Adapted from a novel, may not be a BL. Sociologist begins doing research in the underworld, falls in love with a gangster.
Top Form
Thai WeTV
Adaptation of a Japanese manga. Boom (Chains of Heart) opposite Smart (Don't Say No). Actor recognized as the "The Sexiest Man of the Year" has his first-place position usurped by young newcomer. But while he sees them as rivals, turns out the new kid has other ideas.
Truemoon
Thai YouTube trailer
A take on my single favorite trope: love rivals to lovers.
Your Dear Daddy
Thai trailer
Haunted by his past, Saithan is unwilling now to tie himself to anyone. On holiday in Chiang Mai, he happens to meet Sila, the wealthy owner of Phu Saengdao farm and hotel. The two find themselves strangely drawn to one another and ultimately spend a night together, thinking they wouldn't see each other again.
(source)
Historically I am pretty poor at picking the ones I end of loving, but it's fun to try.
#2025 BL#upcoming BL#new bl#thai bl#forthcoming bl#Dare You to Death#Boys in Love#Memoir of Rati#My Magic Prophecy#Me and Thee#Your Dear Daddy#Truemoon#Top Form#The Young Gangster#The Wicked Game#The Next Prince#The Hell Guard#Secret Relationship#My Romance Scammer#Me and Who#Mandate#Love of Silom#Interminable#Fight for You
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#baltoy#now okay let's just get the elephant outta the room. baltoy? what does this mean. is it a toy that happens to be a ball. because that's how#i've parsed it my whole life. and i've always not understood it because this thing is a top and not a ball#it's also what like. ground/psychic?? i think that's cool but it's just. like what's it got going for it. i forget it exists regularly and#don't even know if it has an evolution to make it competitively viable#where's that one person who said they were gonna do competitive facts on every post and then only did it on one. i miss them#whatever folks have things to do. not everyone has the time to dedicate to a silly little tumblr blog like i do. so here i am#telling you nothing about baltoy. go girl give us nothing. i am giving you nothing
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Colson Baker (aka Machine Gun Kelly) | December 2021
#colson baker#machine gun kelly#mgk#mgkedit#words of wisdom right here okay#I've never made gifs of him before... mainly because I'm not a strong enough soldier to deal with the intense hate this man gets online tbh#but this has just been sitting with me for awhile now#the way it seems like everyone (mostly online but also irl) expects other people to always be perfect#to always have the most correct and perfect opinion. or always put out the best image of themselves.#or share the most perfect version of their art#to immediately know how to properly execute a new skill#what happened to growing together and encouraging growth in others?#we shouldn't be scared to be seen TRYING#and responding to people who don't have it all figured out yet with just hate or mockery doesn't encourage growth or change#I'll stop now thank you for coming to my ted talk#my gifs#Iâm gonna queue this up for a random day and forget about it Iâm sure#queued post
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Mirror, mirror, on the wall...
Who's the fairest of them all?
#lowkey cringy caption but I thought it was fitting given the context#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#who I still haven't figured out a tag system for lmao#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#alternative title: what a difference half a lifetime can make#summiya at 18/19 vs summiya at 34/35 is like night and day. she barely even looks like herself anymore#or maybe.. she looks more like herself than she ever did? what came before wasn't her. it was an empty porcelain doll devoid of personality#hiding the rotten nature underneath that's been steadily seeping through#and now that she has been thoroughly destroyed her outward appearance finally reflects what she was like inside all along#but just as she manages to convince herself of it. she looks in the mirror and refuses to accept that this is who she really is#where did that gorgeous girl who was so excited for her wedding day go? or the one who lit up upon being showered with compliments?#what happened to them? to her? how did she sink so low?#she was supposed to be better than this... better than her siblings. she was always better than Zaheer and Aiza#but now she's easily the worst of the free. their betrayal doesn't even compare#she deserves death for what she did. she looks at the bruising on her throat and wonders why it wasn't enough#why he didn't press just a little harder. then at least she wouldn't have to live with the shame#how awful of her to wish for that. she is getting what was coming to her. she did all of that for the shame. it is her punishment#she doesn't get the mercy of dying and escaping the consequences of her actions#she is by no means innocent. what's happening now is simply justice being enacted. she's sure of it#she's alone and ruined and miserable. having driven away everyone who could have possibly cared for her. not that anyone did#perhaps it's better that way. maybe then no one else will look at her and realise just how different she looks from her younger self#she wasn't happy back then either but she was content. she was taking the first step towarcs the perfect life she was promised#now that very save perfect life is crashing and burning all around her. perhaps it was inevitable. it was always going to end this way#(sleepy tags so I apologise if they make no sense whatsoever or are just rehashes of stuff I've said before. I'm tired. gonna go to bed now)#oh. before I forget though:#injury tw#bruises tw
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NooooâŠâŠ first itâs Yuuta and Shoko, now theyâre yo-yoing back around to Megumi.
#no theyâre bashing megumi even more than ever nowâŠ. sometimes some characters arenât built for all of THIS AND ITS OKAY#heâs forever traumatized bro he just lost his sister in front of his eyes and his body was the one that killed her#same situation with Gojo who took care of his sister and he from when they was toddlers and up#megumi doesnât want to live anymore and yuuji has already tried getting through to him heâs completely broken and even if heâs saved megumi#might not ever be the same#I feel like fans keep on forgetting that these are kids going through all of this stuff that even some of the hardest adults wouldnât be#able to handle#they bash him but a lot of these same ppl forget what happened to getou and love him unconditionally#theyâd say ââwell other characters have lost a lot as well and theyâre still trying!â and I just have to#restate that again; simply not every character is built like some hard boiled shounen badass jjk is not the usual shounen that a lot of#fans still refuse to see tbh like itâs kind of built different đż#itâs core genres are literally horror/psychological horror like no one if gonna be bouncing back like Naruto bro#and in Narutoâs case he never got to see anyone precious to him die in front of him#who knows what Naruto wouldâve went through if sasuke was killed in front of him#but then again#Naruto was already a crazy ass#he vowed to kill sasuke and die with him so nvm#but megumi ISNT crazy like that thatâs the difference ajsjsjsj#heâs always been one of the more rational characters amongst his peers#heâs so normal!!! everyone else is fucked up or got larger personalities than he does#maybe ppl are pissed off at the fact that megumi simply isnât fighting back⊠itâs frustrating but heâs in pain bro#I donât see him making it out alive at all either if Iâm being real#Yuuji might be one of the only characters to survive at this rate I doubt Yuuta is even going to pull through after the techniques 5 min#are up eitherâŠ#rambling#the point itâŠâŠ as sad as it may sound all of the characters fighting so hard now are doing so because they simply have to#Sukuna is literally a calamity and these are the only characters left who will even stand any chance against such a great entity#they donât have much of a choice man#Gojo tried to prepare his students for the future so that theyâll be strong enough to fight back anything together. not alone#Everyone is doing what they can now
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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small jobs is just so fiddly. like to work on it i reread the whole series, open like six documents, consult the chart that has the timeline and the quests that have been completed, open four more tabs of the wiki which works like it always does (badly), wait for the wind to be right, despair that i've lost sight of the core philosophy of the 'verse, and then i sit there imagining the courier and red lucy hooking up back when she had 9 luck before the game even started for like forty five minutes and i don't actually get any new writing done. and yes it's my favorite thing to write.
#any woman in the wasteland seeing august: damn. anybody gonna fuck her? and then they dont wait for an answer#small jobs baby i love you soooo much but i fell into the Multiple Chapters Trap with small jobs 5 and now 5.2 is like pulling teeth#i fully forget how to write every time i sit down to write it it's so rough. sorry to everyone who believed my lies in my author's note#the update did NOT happen quickly đ#anna's fic notes#bleed me dry is an intensely funny quest if you imagine a level one courier is somehow just pure luck making her way through it#bc she's so utterly transfixed by red lucy for like. a month. what if a whirlwind affair included stealing deathclaw eggs.
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#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data#which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done#for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior#so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a#collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more#devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close#bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the#country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will#instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a#different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad#a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi#intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see#them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize#the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b#doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped#that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying#less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating#unrelated
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help i just opened tiktok and the first video was someone saying taylor and matty broke up
#idk what tf to believe anymore but honestly i hope they are#but at the same time#is everyone just gonna forget this happened now? :/#i have so much to say about this whole thing but like#after she released yet ANOTHER version of midnights and the whole ice spice collab itâs like she was burying it#and every suddenly moved on#everyone*#i unfollowed so many swiftie creators on tiktok bc of it#itâs so annoying#they never mentioned her and matty again itâs like it never happened#anyways#even theyâre still together that sucks ass#if#my grammar oh my god đ#im honestly so disappointed and heartbroken about this whole situation yk#i was so excited to listen to speak now tv but thereâs no way im gonna stream it now#i just see her so differently#anyways that was off topic#taylor swift#swifties#taylor nation
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#vent#ignore this pls I just deleted my vent twt bc that shit got unhealthy and I can just lose this#TW BPD shit#Iâm. constantly terrified of the ppl I love leaving me and it being entirely my fault#bc I fuck up constantly and someday everyone will realize that Iâm a horrible fucking person and stop loving me#and Iâll have no one and will be entirely alone#and I fucked up again tonight#and I wonder if itâs ever gonna stop#bc I donât want to lose anyone#I just canât stop doing shitty things#and I was gonna vocalize that I am back to how I was before w the whole set date#not scared#thing#but then this happened#and now anything I try to say ab that will seem like Iâm trying fo avoid accountability for my bullshit by pulling the âideationâ card#but like I never got well enough to forget my date even if I removed it from the calendar#I wasnât gonna anymore but it was still there vaguely as like an option if shit got bad again or my concerns came true or some catastrophe#so#idk#I just donât know if I can deal w this stuff much longer#my life is falling apart around me and I canât fix it anymore#I just make it worse#I might have to go inpatient#just deleted a tag bc I realized on the off chance anyone reads this far that shit should stay in my head#god I canât keep going like this
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#about to rant so ignore me#but like#okay. i have gotten over my assigned professor being changed. its okay. if she says this is better i trust her decision#and the forgetting to tell me and my new professor not having understood he had to read my stuff now is just an unfortunate accident#it happens. im unlucky like that i should be used to it#but now i still havent gotten even a single 'read' or whatever like they do with all my other classmates#if i go to class tomorrow just to find out no one still hasnt read what i have been working on for the last 5 weeks im#im going to explode#i already feel like shit for not meeting my self imposed goals#and its not like they could forget i have had no revisions BECAUSE I REMINDED THEM AGAIN TO PLEASE CHECK THEM OUT ON THE EMAIL I SENT#im just. so desmotivated#im already having the shittiest fucking weeks. maybe months. trying to get myself to work and do stuff#and this makes me feel like im that forgettable or that im gonna get hit with a 'change EVERYTHING' in the worst last possible moment#im so tired my intentions are good please someone for the love of god remember IM HEREEEEEEE#nothing is enjoyable i have no energy i just want to sleep everyday!!!!!!! i feel like im a burden and a bore to anyone!!!!!!!#im not wanted anywhere!!!!!! im fucking painted in here!!!!!#i have begun to talk about stuff unrelated to what i was originally saying đ but oh well#its too much too many things all at the same time#i just want one fucking time where im not forgotten by literally everyone and made feel like a last fucking choice i want good things!!!!!#and im so tired of coming to terms with me never being anything to anyone just for someone to come and make me think maybe im wrong#just for everything to go to shit again!!!!!!!#i want to scream and take space and say how mad i am no more fucking 'dont worry its okay' 'sorry' no fuck off!!!!!!! SCREAM!!!!!#haunted.txt
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Marineford part 3 - we should all kill ourselves
What does that haki have to do with having people drawn to him???
If sanji were here..... tell em girl
Oh my gooooooood...........
KILL YOURSELF NOW!!!!!!!
GARP WHEN I GET YOU GARP!!!!!! Garp saying there will be many things in life that you won't want to do.... this man is ruined by the marines.... he locked himself in a cage.... stop protecting old man
This fucking page jesus christ.... garp you are going to hell....
HIM JUST ACCEPTING IT HE IS SO DONE!!!! GARP!!!
Whitebeard getting shot again as luffy reaches ace I can't keep doing this....
DON'T MAKE ME SEE THIS WHEN I KNOW WHAT'S COMING YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO MEEE!!!! OH MY GOOOD I HATE THIS!!!!! What a good fucking Chapter (571) I'm killing myself tomorrow
Everybody is so happy why am i tearing up đđ ITS PAGE TWOOOOOOOO
AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH I need to take a minute to recompose after every page someone please sedate me
Alright. its fine really
This is fine too. Nothing to see here of notice
Oh my fucking god....................
Can I be honest ace stopped to face akainu because he insulted his father (like he did when he was a child and people insulted roger which btw made him feel like he was insulted too) but then akainu starts talking about how they literally don't deserve a home bc they are pirates and that's insane. Ace was a pirate before he was born. The whole purpose of ace's journey (AND WHITEBEARD'S) has been finding a home and this man just called them both losers and scum for it. And this AFTER whitebeard sacrificed himself for ace which has been making him feel guilty ever since they all showed up. Imagine his state at the moment.
I just will never forget his face here I think. Like after all of this he plays dirty and goes for luffy. Akainu kill yourself now.
Like oh my god
So the two guys with swords can kill ace but sakazuki can't.... alright man sure đđ»
I'm sorry you didn't get to save me is insane. Is there anything as undoing as a little brother. Omg.
Oh my fucking God.
What can I even say. Fuck my life
The faces on his hat read left to right make it looks like a happy face becomes sad but LIKE THIS ON THE PANELS IT IS THE OPPOSITE and idk if that's just like western view of it and means fuck all but it means something to me now.
The flashback dialogue being "did you think I was dead" after he hits the ground is so insane like yes but no he isn't. He was right he is never going to die.
In a way turning back to face akainu is ace fighting for his existence. Yes he was a pirate before he was born and he deserves a home and to be loved and happy and at the end of the day that is it and he got it and he died with a smile. He died being loved and loving luffy and that's how I cope. Goodnight forever
The chapter is called voiceless rage.....
OH MY GOD
Approved comments by me
TELL MEEEE!!!!! ODAAAAAAAAAA
"YOU'RE NOT HIM" *BOOM SOUND EFFECT* DEAD!! DEMOLISHED!! EXECUTED!!! This is insane... also him saying "when it's [the treasure] found..." DOES THAT MEAN ROGER DIDNT FIND IT??? or am I reaching... like roger was waiting for a man to do that... that man is luffy and he will find the one piece bc roger couldn't for some reason (maybe bc he was sick???) And that's why he says the one piece is real
#whitebeard not being able to do his haki routine because of his illness so luffy does.... luffy getting energized as whitebeard gets hit...#daz bones protecting luffy bc crocodile said so... and fighting mihawk... that is so crazy why is he doing all this.... unless....#god fucking damnit luffy is so happy at ace being freed and the anime really adapted this part well i remember it so well.....#i think its very poignant that luffy never remembers buggy but when he protects him from mihawk he says thanks and i will never forget you.#ace is freed and this chapter everyone talks about marco's powers from the sbs on the comments đđ YOU DONT KNOW!!!#ace's name is so cool like fire fist ace slaps but if luffy had the same he would be gum gum punch luffy#akainu is already on the chase there is no way its going to happen soon i can't believe it omg#why the fuck did i say anything what do you mean. oh my god. its been one chapter what do you mean. what the hell#ace fucking dies and we get interview with the chopper va right after đđđ i cant do this miss im sorry#and you know im not even crying i just cant believe my eyes right now. like i can but i don't you know. im just in shock#volume 59 cover having ace and luffy fighting like ace didn't just fucking die at the end of the previous volume. sick and twisted#luffy saying ace promised he wouldn't die im gonna end it all#christ whitebeard crying... garp.... and there are no batman pearls this time but the vivre card is stil insane. the flashback panels too..#and blackbeard appears i am going to go ballistic#i need whitebeard to finish blackbeard off so bad...... and i know he wont i am going up the walls#whitebeard being killed by one of his sons....... we should all kill our- BLACKBEARD#why does blackbeard kinda look like usopp whats the deal with that... even his eyelashes man....#talking tag#reading one piece#marineford
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#probably gonna be a lot of these tag posts from me for the next while lmao#just sobbed again bc itâs like#everyone ik whoâs passed was so young and struggled w a lot of the same shit he did and all of them deserved more time#and i hate that my list of ppl is getting so long already#and this feels rly similar to losing a good friend. the kind youâd go to automatically when things get rough#1d has always been my go to pick me up when i need to forget about things esp grief#and now itâs only gonna add to that. probably for a while#i hate the feeling of wishing you could go back in time even just a couple days and appreciate what it was like before this happened#just one more time#idk if i can get myself together today tbh but also rotting at home probably wonât help either#fuck!!!!!!!#rowyn rambles
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