#is dishwasher useful

[devnair32]

Uses of Dishwasher in Indian Kitchen

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[blossoms-phan]

dan is so fake he’s always like “this is your chance to ask us important, hard hitting, deep philosophical questions” someone asks how do you feel having an entire generation look up to you and he’s like physically? yeah haha we’re so tall 🤪

[thediistortiion]

i love fics that write The Distortion genuinely not knowing How to Human and getting something egregiously incorrect.

i don't mean appearance-wise, i mean silly mistakes. trying to wipe up a spill with printer paper because it misunderstood what a paper towel is. calling an animal by the wrong name.

describing emotions in a door/hallway metaphor. ("hallway full of bees" sorry, did you mean butterflies? distortion, you are experiencing butterflies.)

it was literally a door it doesn't know this shit!

i think it has some memories attached to "who" it is, thus why it can tell michael shelley's story, but little details like this? the nuance of the human experience? lost on it. too busy hating being even remotely like a who to stop and attempt to model after them properly.

this makes it mildly offputting and that's the goal so it's content <3

also @ distortion shippers this entity does not know how to kiss. gerry/jon/melanie/whoever else is gonna have to teach it how because it will just stand there, eyes open and everything, being a door.

[pseudophan]

LMAO i'm so glad someone asked who does the dishes at the preshow and they answered the dishwasher. in the nicest way possible i have been losing my fucking mind over all the talk about dan and phil doing the dishes among phannies because in WHAT WORLD would they actually be manually doing those

[lokh]

bonus: where are you from

[dear-ao3]

I FINALLY REALIZED WHY THIS BLOG SEEMS SO UNCANNILY FAMILAR

ITS BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE A GOD DAMN SITCOM

WHY ARE YOU TWO LIVING OUT A SITCOM???

(/lh /pos)

man if you think this is a sit com you should come hang out in my apartment for a few hours on a weeknight

[idgo-incarnate]

Grian risking his life for Etho's Dishwasher gave me Last of Us vibes fr. Also the zombie apocalypse was lame tbh, not as tense as it seemed.

[morganbritton132]

Eddie posts a Tiktok of himself dramatically lamenting the fact that Steve is destroying him (ignoring him) for no reason (he put a cup of loose glitter in the dishwasher so Joan wouldn’t knock it off the counter and then forgot about it) and now, “I’m going to die from this treatment and does he care?”

He flips the camera around and zooms in on Steve on the other side of the room, replacing the pictures in the picture frames on their bookshelf with new pictures. He doesn’t even look up as Eddie exclaims, “No! He cares not!”

“You may be asking, ‘gee, Eddie, what did you do to deserve a fate such as this? Surely it must have been awful,” He monologues. “And I will tell you. I will tell you that I’ve done nothing to deserve-“

“You ruined my dishwasher.”

“-this cruel and unusual punishment from such a forgiving, and beautiful man. But alas, King-“

“Buy me a new dishwasher!”

[bluespring864]

seriously what is it with tennis players and dishwashers?!

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

These Nimona headcanons are dedicated to the people who keep asking me how I come up with them (short answer: I have no fucking clue)

While Ambrosius is the one to keep the house clean Bal is the only reason their schedules are even somewhat put together 

This man has multiple calendars one physical calendar in their living room

A digital one for just him that’s dedicated to things that he knows the duo would be bored by 

And a digital calendar for the trio themselves which is his pride and fucking joy 

His baby a digital miracle and what he genuinely considers to be his magnum opus 

Because Ambrosius and Nimona are the hardest people to organize schedules with

Every conversation with them would go something like this “Hey what are you doing next week” “Oh I’m going to work” “Okay do you know what time you have to head in” *shrugs* “Do you know if you have days off” *shrugs again* “do you even know what days you’re going in” *shrugs one last time*

And then Bal would have to walk away because he was really to commit a crime 

No one knows how he actually got their schedules 

Nimona doesn’t know how Bal scheduled plans for them when he didn’t have their friend's contact info

It scares Ambrosius how Bal’s able to fit is incredibly hectic days in nice neat color coordinated boxes 

The duo doesn’t ask questions and they don’t fuck with the schedule 

They just follow it cause it’s always right 

Which is kind of horrifying 

There is one chore in the house that not even the resident clean freak (my baby golden boy) likes 

And that’s washing the dishes 

Not a singular person in that house will ever do the dishes without complaining even a little bit 

They always take turns and it’s always a lose-lose situation 

Because even though there’s this feeling of “dodged that bullet today” they’re also a little guilty because they know the person doing it hates it just as much 

They bought dish gloves because that slightly helped the problem 

But those things tear like it’s no one’s business which is the fucking worst 

One time Bal walked into the kitchen to see Ambrosius crying over the dishes 

He asked what’s wrong and all he had to say was “glove” 

And Bal knew what he meant because Ambrosius swears that having wet rubber rub up against your skin is almost as bad as touching the bare dishes 

Every time Ambrosius or Bal have to leave for more than a couple of days the other will joke that they're a single father 

Anytime someone checks in on them they’ll say something like “The life of a single parent is hard but fulfilling” 

This basically just translates to them missing their spouse so could someone please bring them back as soon as possible 

Nimona always jokes they’re a child of divorce when the boys make that joke 

The jokes range from “Being a child of divorce is so stressful” to “Good riddance I never liked him anyway” 

Mind you those remarks come after Nimona hung off their legs as they walked out the door 

One time when Bal went on a solo trip Nimona asked Ambrosius to go to the park with him 

He didn’t question it just packed up the car and drove them to the nearest park

And he swears he only took his eyes off Nimona for a minute and when he turned back around he saw a group of sad-looking kids and adults crowding around a kid 

And he instantly knew where he went 

He watched in horror as Nimona pointed up to the sky and said “Dad!” a mom asked with a sad voice “Is your dad a pilot sweety?” to which Nimona responded with “No but Papa says he’s in the sky somewhere which is why he never visits” 

He just scooped her up apologizing while making a run for the car 

A lot of parents were very concerned about why the kingdom’s golden boy just snatched a random child they’d never seen before and will never see again

And they genuinely debate on calling the knights while Ambrosius fireman carries this cackling child away

They do and Ambrosius has to have a very awkward conversation with his old coworkers

[blossoms-phan]

the way i was going to ask about their preferred temperatures when sleeping and they (phil) ALREADY told us dan likes to sleep in a super cold room… the domestic revelations in this video will kill me

[aropride]

hate having adhd bc i cant talk abt the problems my neurodevelopmental disorder causes without people going "oh adhd i know about that from Annoying Twitter Users. you people cant do anything"

[naamahdarling]

.

[yellbug]

how it feels to purchase your own dishwasher for the first time in your life

[chernobog13]

I must hear that said at least a dozen times a night at my house.