#things are very touch and go right now
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#things are very touch and go right now#with both of us in a bad place#and still struggling with keeping up with the babies#it's not that they are unreachable#at all#im just in a downswing still and not sleeping normally and not interacting with them as much#and my boyfriend is still deep in grief#fancy seems to be doing better and that's good#things just...suck#we now suddenly have a kitchen sink that does not work properly and a broken dishwasher and the oven has been broken for 2+ years#i need surgery on one foot for sure and it remains to be seen about the other#couldn't sleep last night#bad time
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i think the japan update of the f1 silly season post may in fact be the thing that kills me. this is all for you all.
#im quietly loosing my sanity#i think ive been writing this since a very solid 4pm and it is now 9#the race has not happened yet#it is on sunday#today is thursday#the post is already too long#and i accidentally got stuck down a nico rosberg youtube rabbit hole and had to go on lestappen ao3#this is what i get for not writing the whole thing in a mad dash at 2am#not a tag#from saph#f1#im loosing my sanity so much that my brain registered disturbia by rihanna as by brittney spears#tho maybe thats because i got stuck down the nico rosberg rabbit hole#katya said i need to go touch grass and hes probably right
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omg where'd you get your top it looks like it would fall apart after one cycle in the wash
#i need you to imagine my very specific vision for yakumo piggybacking on eiden ok:#eiden is such a playful lil scamp so idk one day he wants to test his strength by carrying yakumo#yakumo's always carrying passed-out-eiden after marathon sex sessions so. how heavy can a vertical noodle possibly be#but yakumo's scared he's too heavy or that he'll be too awkwardly shaped (whatever that means) for eiden to carry#so while eiden is crouched down in front of yakumo beckoning him to climb aboard#yakumo stiffly positions himself . but . his feet barely leave the ground#and their bodies aren't touching much.. as in#yaku's knees are gripping at eiden's midsection instead of scooching up close#because he doesn't want his crotch right up against eiden's back LOL#and he's very lightly touching eiden's shoulders with his hands#but since yakumo's body is so distant/unevenly perched.. it actually makes it tougher for eiden to carry him#so eiden has to coax yakumo into getting MUCH CLOSER against his body#'come on . right up against my back. it'll make it easier!!'#'no need to be shy 😏😙'#'that's right! now put your arms around my neck. there we go!!'#after yakumo loosens up and loses rock posture... he indeed becomes easy to carry#so eiden gets to strut around proudly with a yakumo on his back for a bit#this whole thing was inspired by me wanting to see oli bridal carry yakumo LOL#it would be sooooooo easy . oli is sooo strong and yakumo sooo flimsy. just scoop him up. kiss his forehead#tbh he could lift yakumo one handed but the bridal carry is more comfortable and oli is Considerate#then when i had oli AND eiden carrying yaku in my head.. i started imagining the others#something about.... yakumo being tossed around by bottoms#fills me with unprecedented amounts of delight#GARU!! SPIKE HIM ONTO THE GROUND LIKE THE ALMONDBALL#yakuoli#yakuei#yakumond#yakugaru#yakukaru
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dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden
#chilaios#that's a lie i understand breeding kink very well lmao#HOWEVER IT MUST BE SAID#they finish up a great scene. hot lesbian sex. all going well.#and laios lies back with her eyes closed. still flushed and sweaty. she rests her naked hand on her naked lower stomach and says. 'hah....#'did you know ...that tallmen and halflings can have kids together?' Like its just another fun monster fact.#she's trailing her fingers absentmindedly over her stomach now. tracing idle patterns.#'with our lifespans being so similar it isn't even as big a deal as it is for elves and humans. they're even fertile and that's ...#that's really rare for hybrids.' her eyes are still closed. she swallows hard. She's more red now than she was when they fucked.#'you should talk about that next time you're in me. i'd like it...' and she cracks one eye open a sliver#to see chilchuck . BEET. RED.#because Chilchuck DID NOT. KNOW.#She was already fucked out and now she's dying?? she's dying. Laios still has her huge hand resting on her huge smooth stomach#miles and miles of soft skin...that she wants chilchuck to put a BABY in#she's thought about the hypothetical lifespan and safety of the hypothetical baby! is this just a sex thing? is this a for real thing?#chilchuck does not know and does not know which one she's hoping for now!! cause both sound GREAT#AND OF COURSE THERE'S ALSO#chilchuck remembering that conversaion next time Laios's huge huge fingers are inside her. Laios's hot wet breathing by her ear.#Laios's breathing going ragged even though no one is touching HER she is the one toying with Chilchuck right now. She always does that.#between the breathing and the fingers and the warmth and the smell Laios is all around her and she just thinks -#'Laios is so huge. Laios's baby would be so huge. I'd be so huge. Pregnant with it.' And she cums.#rattles her to her fucking core. Chilchuck who HAS BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE realising. holy shit.#i want this fluffy haired socially awkward 26 year old doggirl to . to fuck a baby into me. in a sexy way.#i think . I think it's hot.#enough to turn you to drink isn't it!#u may ask - hey how come chilchuck has a girlcock and has got pregnant? can laios get chilchuck pregnant?#does anyone even have a womb in this situation? I may answer - don't worry about it#a wizard did it. whatever. its a fantasy world.#whatever is sexiest in the moment i don't care#lesbiance
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god we need to bring crackfic back. or just short and idiotic ideas that wouldn’t happen but would be funny to read
#i just had a vivid imagination of geralt’s company having a pillow fight#setting and timeframe: september 10ish. in riverdell aka transriver#dandelion hits geralt with his bedroll pillow (a quite flat thing and not very comfortable but what are you to do) for levity#it’s a game of a bygone time. a mild pillow fight is plausible between geralt and dandelion in the short stories#cahir comments . wow … really dandelion … this is so juvenile … i haven’t done a pillow fight since i was 10 … it’s for kids…#dandelion’s response: pillow to the face. immediate vicovarian reaction: dandelion razed harder by his pillow than cintra by nilfgaard#dandelion screams ear-curdlingly (you’d imagine someone was being murdered in this swamp)#geralt (still at this moment in time resentful of cahir) leaps and attacks him with his pillow#geralt and cahir spar with pillows like swords but get to smothering each other quickly#milva (see this is foreshadowing for like two weeks days later) had enough and starts pillowing the both of them#she also had not said literally anything for the past week so this is a surprise that she would involve herself#dandelion hits milva on the ass (with his pillow…) she nearly kills him#geralt and cahir try to save dandelion etc#regis has been watching all of this like 🫤#geralt (better mood now) asks him why he is not getting involved.#regis: ‘what… ought i to be doing’#geralt: ‘helping me smack cahir with pillows’#regis doesn’t even sleep with a pillow. dandelion calls out he probably has an extra on his bedroll. milva screams at regis don’t touch that#regis psychoanalyzes they are relieving their stresses and anxieties in a social bonding ritual involving play fighting#which is likely of primal origin in simian social troupes but i digress#regis reasons he doesn’t have latent quarrels with anyone in the group so it would be pointless for him to join#cahir is like well i like everybody here and i still am smacking dandelion with a pillow 😐#milva reasons just imagine someone you hate on the other end. she imagined beating the crap out of her stepfather 👍#regis still reluctant to join | geralt gets an idea and smiles—imagine the guy who coined the term ‘undead’#wrath of eons unleashed#regis after knocking geralt off his feet with a pillow: am i doing it right ☺️#meanwhile nilfgaardian spy watching them from the bushes:#‘i was going to report on them but it looks as though they’ve all gone insane’#‘or maybe they were like that all along’#the elbow-high diaries
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I've always felt that it'd be Killua who initiates the first hug we see between him and Gon
#i have my reasons for this#i feel like i'm in the minority though... i know gon is honest and much more emotionally expressive#but he's not actually more tactile than killua#i... i actually do think that it's killua who initiates much of the contact between them (fistbumps and poking and hand on shoulder)#if i'm not mistaken anyways#and he's very tactile with alluka and nanika (carrying + hugs + handholding)#granted that's his sister(s) but still. killua is far from touch averse - his getting embarrassed is a cute trait to be sure#but i do think he'll get a bit better at accepting that kind of thing once he's had some time with alluka and nanika#a lot of that does come after all from his feelings of unworthiness - and now that his sisters need open affection after so long being alon#he's going to have to gain at least some comfort with giving and receiving love#gon and mito go for hugs either at the same time or mito initiates. gon hugs leorio in the scene right after he's revived#but idk idk i just feel like he won't be the first to initiate a hug with killua especially since i suspect he still feels quite guilty#i think it would show growth on both their parts. not to mention it'd be very sweet to have gon a bit blindsided + happily surprised#as he's the one typically honest and forthright with appreciation and compliments while killua is. not. lmao#i think he should receive a nice hug from his best friend. and then i think they would both know it's gonna be ok. :')#storyrambles#hunter x hunter#hxh#killua zoldyck#gon freecss#this is so sappy. what's wrong with me. this is what they do to me.
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while aaravi remains firmly within "yeah miranda has a difficult personality and isn't very easy to get along with + has many rough edges which are slowly being worked on but still going to be an issue" after having been very much so within the camp that miranda is a Vexing Bitch upon first contact/getting to know her, she DOES go from "miranda is unpredictable and dangerous as a merfolk and large macropredator and her emotions are inscrutable and random" to "merfolk aren't very hard to understand or predict and it's very easy to stay on the safe side if you keep basic rules in mind and don't freak out the second something unexpected happens"
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#just. thinking about it!#thinking about specifically how merfolk (like most other animals) growl/hiss specifically as a deterrent#like if you start really upsetting miri and she wants space and you to Please Stop#she will probably turn her face away from the other person or turn her body away from them#while growling or hissing and pulling her fins back#and will open her mouth to bare her teeth or gape her mouth open to show her teeth (including heavily panting)#where the point is ''i will hurt you if you touch me/get closer/dont stop so please dont do that''#but a lot of people read it as her being either obtuse (if she turns away from them)#or outright aggressive for the showing of teeth and growling#when shes really not. shes being very polite in merfolk terms in giving multiple chances to avoid violence#shes going ''i am worried i might have to hurt you so please reconsider'' in a way thats very readable if youre another merfolk#who will then step away or give her her space and switch the tone of the conversation#to see whats wrong#whereas her being more deliberately aggressive/violent usually comes with minimal vocal cues at all#or (if shes specifically threatening someone such as in the case of getting aggressive over perceived threats to her social bonds)#she will often turn towards them and open her mouth and flare her fins#often deliberately closing the distance and making herself appear Extra Large#she WILL growl here but will never hiss (hissing being a more defensive sound)#and will often smack her tail against the ground or show her claws or otherwise demonstrate how large and how scary she is#as a deliberate point of ''you crossed a line and this is what is going to happen to you if you dont make it up right now''#which! both require VERY different responses but might look similar to a human!#and might end up coming off as unpredictable or random in her actions and cruelty!#when shes not! shes just doing things the way a merfolk does them#which means aaravi realizes VERY quickly after learning about all of this#just how many cues miranda gives that people are starting to make her uncomfortable and feel Not Okay#that are ignored or written off because theyre merfolk cues#merfolk are very tolerant of stress but have basically no concept of escalation of violence for that reason#because if youve ignored every chance to prevent something dangerous up until the point it goes too far
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Okay I have two very different anons in my inbox right now on the OC face claim issue. I’ve read both, and I’m just gonna address you both here:
1. No one OWNS a face claim. I have RPed in spaces where everyone was using a face for something (so many people using Holliday Granger and Elle Fanning for Helaena omg save me). It’s just a thing. They’re resources. The only thing we own is the character we’re writing. We do not own actors or musicians or whomever is being used to portray our character.
HOWEVER
2. When it comes to creating your OC, you should follow some courtesy. Do you see someone all over your dash using Freya Allen for, say, a Daemyra daughter? Then you would probably want to find another actor to portray your take on a Daemyra daughter. Not only are there a million faces out there, but it also helps you, the OC creator, from any weird comparison feelings, as well further separating your concepts from others.
When I was creating Myranda Greyjoy initially, I knew that there was another OC creator out there who also had a Greyjoy x Aemond situation going on (since Myra was going to initially end up with Aemond). I went and tracked down that creator’s old gifsets to ensure that I hadn’t accidentally lifted the name as well as making sure that the face I had chosen was different enough. Since we were both exploring a similar concept, I wanted to make sure I was differentiating myself from the other person.
I’m definitely new to the OC tumblr world, mostly because this wasn’t much of a thing back in the day, and I’m only vaguely familiar with all the history there. I don’t really play around in it that much, but here’s the thing: both the above truths can coexist because people are human. If someone were to use Isolda as one of Lyonel Strong’s daughters, that’s fine! It only becomes weird if say the other person was lifting character traits and things like that. Then THAT becomes a little more 👀
But I don’t own Isolda’s face, and it’s up to ME to be normal about that! Apparently she’s a popular face for Sansa Stark now! Good for her!
The point is: be courteous and mindful of the space you operate in. There’s a ton of Strong Bastards and Stark daughters using Adelaide Kane. There was a ton of Whatshername from TLK that was being used everywhere. You’re going to have overlap, but the use of the same face is not theft.
@selfproclaimedunicorn and I were both using Rose Williams for our own OCs (her for Lara Mormont and me for Myranda). Like it’s no biggie! We were also both using Isolda (her for a Reyne girl and me for Abby).
Totally different concepts. Different ‘roles’ if you will for that face claim.
Whenever I see Isolda on my dash I’m like ‘oh that’s Abby!’ Cause that’s my girl now. She’s Abby in my head.
Anyway, I can only speak for myself. I don’t think people should be nervous about asking about a face reference, but you should always be polite about it! If you’re messaging someone about the actor, compliment their gifset or post you saw, and then ask. Don’t just know on someone’s door and go ‘hey whose the face you’re using’ cause as a creator, that would make me feel sad that you had nothing nice to say about what I made.
#it’s not even 8am omg you guys#anyway I think fandom has a really big worry on theft and copying#and that term is thrown around very loosely#I think because people who HAVE been copied from#then get nervous and that sort of understandable nervousness#then spreads out among mutual group#at the end of the day we are responsible for our feelings#and doing our own check ins of ‘is this person ACTUALLY copying me or am I feeling sensitive about things right now?’#and often it’s us feeling kinda sensitive and it’s a good reminder to go touch some grass and do something else for a bit
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...😭
#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one#the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all#i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today#as i was absolutely useless today#and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭#a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭#and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional)#i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again#i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again#i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it#i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn#and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now#also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely#and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends#for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations#on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed#i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely#please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby
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. not snz
on healing and on fear (tags)
#(typed this up at 3am and scheduling for later) no one needs to read this 🙏#today i went back to the site where i got injured back in may to partake in a sport which i haven't touched at all since the injury#and i think what struck me was the realization that#i don't know if i'll ever be able to stop being scared again :')#for a time climbing was very special to me...#it was one of the only ways i could feel myself improving so tangibly when improvement is usually so difficult to track#i liked seeing myself get better at something 😭 i liked going with friends and puzzling over the same problems... i liked having something#to look forward to after work. and perhaps having something to look forward to sounds simple... but for me it meant so much :')#for the first couple months after the injury i couldn't wait to get back into it#and then one day i woke up and i was just afraid#the fear feels so much more tangible now that i know i am not overreacting... it's awful knowing that in a way i was right to be afraid#i always knew there were risks associated; i have always been cautious#but i had just been starting to learn to be braver 😭#and fuck... today i stood there and looked at the wall and thought. how can i ever not be afraid again?#how can i go back to how things were before? when i loved this? when i could tell myself that - despite the fear - it was meaningful to try#i wanted to come away with the takeaway that i could take things slowly and get back into climbing - maybe precisely because#i remember so keenly how i loved it - but how could it ever be the same?#😭 i know this is just part of growing up but#in some ways i am tired of growing up... :') in some ways i just want that joy as it was then#delete later probably#i suppose i haven't lost anything but typing this made me sob for something i couldn't quite name
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Today's Pikmin comic...
is so f*cked.
(link)
#pikmin#pikmin comic#mamuta#christ i just wasn't ready for that#but you know what. the 19th's comic was even more f*cked.#it was so disturbing to me that i didn't even want to post about it#it just touched on a very primal fear of mine#in other news i finally got enough requests to start the fanart thing#it's just gonna take me a little longer to get around to it than i'd planned#just a lot going on right now that i wasn't expecting#that said. i won't be reblogging reminders anymore#but if you've somehow read this far and haven't submitted a request yet#still feel free to do so~
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I have successfully boiled my problem with most of the izzy reads that i hate down to a sentence:
he's not sexually repressed, he's emotionally repressed.
#they are different and ihave paragraphs and paragraphs of thoughts on it#but dressing like a leather daddy and holding your hand over an open flame and literally everything else he does#is not the behavior of a man who doesn't know or realize what gets him going#he's not closeted. he's not homophobic. he thinks having Any Positive Emotion not related to violence makes you vulnerable#[and he's right for his experience and circumstance but i won't touch that now]#his conflict is emotional; ed's ability to captain isn't compromised by his being attracted to a man. it's compromised by Having Feelings.#their ability to survive a world that wants them dead isn't compromised by either of them being queer; it's compromised by being SOFT#by having WEAK SPOTS#pets are a weak spot. lovers are a weak spot. get rid of them to stay safe. not out of spite.#not out of a disdain for those relationships themselves. out of disdain for what Feelings Do To You#idk man maybe i am simply emphatic about this nuance because i get—more than I would like—the impulse to be SAFE#even at the cost of your self and some chances at being happier#he doesn't even care that lucius is gay in the deck scene and i'd go so far as to say he doesn't really care that lucius is slutty#insofar as. like. he doesn't know him and pete are open. from a monogamy-normative perspective it's a betrayal.#your partner being unfaithful when you expect them To Be is ALSO A THING THAT CAN GET YOU KILLED#like idk i just. i think people don't get how much of him is about safety?#and i know the show's created this atmosphere of 'homophobia isn't a real threat'#but they haven't removed the violence and danger crews other than stede face for Other Reasons#so. he's very security-driven. and that's why he speaks to me.#and it's annoying that people just make 'lol izzy's closeted' 'peak homophobic gay' jokes instead of. engaging. with the shit izzy AND ED#went through to make them emotionally closed off the way they are#THE SENTENCE IS A SENTENCE BUT THE EXPLANATION SURE ISNT
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had a day that made me think oh that was a bit heavy on the symbolism, wasn't it
#j. talks#went to visit my brother in his uni city and also connected it with an event there#I know this event because I went there once with a uni course that of course was with my fave former prof#so I know she's usually there but it's a bigger city and Friday and there are a lot of things at different locations#chances are not zero but I thought come on if anything it will be casual running into her#well as I was waiting with my brother and a whole crowd of people to be let in who do I hea#and see :))) yeah it's my fave prof. and I told my brother and he told me to go and say hi but there were so many people already talking to#her and also going there and saying hi so I simply couldn't. I literally froze our shoulders were nearly touching but she wasn't even facin#me and taking and I just followed my brother and he was like???#what was that?? and I didn't know. and he asked my why I looked so shameful out of all the emotions I chose shame#and I don't know. I don't know why shame I consuming me no matter where I go. but she was busy and imagine I go up and she has no idea who#am anymore. they had to burry me right there and then. so that was that :) now#the name of that street of the location burned into my memory as I was facing the wall well it's the name of [redacted] who I never really#get over and it's been 10 years now soon. and we had a similar experience in December :) where I would have loved nothing more really than#to talk (in Decembar definitely also other things that I miss on some days very much) but I barely got a wave#so yeah :) I actually had a great day but I am more than overwhelmed. I feel like crying and hiding#taurus season is apparently not here to save me? idk#is this all about wasted potential and shame stopping me? maybe. but how the fuck do I get it out of me
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within me are two wolves.
to inject every ounce of homoerotic and severely mentally ill tension into one character (violet).
to also do that but like a concerning amount.
#aydf fic#twdg#twdg 4#twdg violet#twdg brody#brolet#twdg fanfiction#kiss scene#like they kiss a LOT a lot#HERE'S THE CONTEXT which will not be read for months but whATEVER:#in this fic the boarding school had a little civil war where half the kids formed their own cult cuz no adults and it was not a good one#so um#like almost 20 kids died in one day lol#that's not funny#lol#anywAY the brolet is violet and brody being very very emotional and very confused and touch starved and very traumatized#in like the weeks/month after the “incident” where a lot of the relationships were strained#including minnie and violet's#so there you go#to anyone who has found this little crumb the whole riot thing is huge so you're welcome for mild spoiler i guess#also as with anything im posting right now these scenes will be edited and polished in time
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i finally watched nimona last night, i cried of course. It is such an unapologetically queer movie and i love it so so much!! And the pride flags in the background live very deeply in my heart :')
#i'm on my period so everything makes me cry right now#but also we live in a horrible world and politics in my country are going to shit#and i'm so fucking stressed and anxious and terrifyied of the future that i cry very easily#and that movie touched on a lot of things i've been feeling kjgdfg#angel talks#personal
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#sometimes i wonder how much of my existence is insulated by like#my detachment from physical reality?#not in a psychosis way! i do not have any form of psychosis#(am i spelling that right?)#but like. there's so much repression going on#also i don't interact with people very much#and im kind of out of touch with how my emotions sit in my body#and i don't come into physical contact with other human beings#more than like. once every two weeks if not once every two months#idk#obviously a lot of this is just self-inflicted bullshit#but still. i wonder#are other people actually Experiencing things#while i am sitting here with earplugs and a blindfold on#in some kind of sensory deprivation tank#....probably if im getting this kind of introspective#i should go to sleep#alrighty its bedtime now
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