#is a hell of a thing but i will take it over my state of mind about it then any day

[mimipolo]

Nam-gyu x GN!reader headcanons

I started writing just because I had so many scenarios of him in my head I needed to get out so tysm for liking my last post.

No this is not proof read, I MIGHT edit it later.

This man is horribly clingly to an extreme. Will hold onto anything in reach clothes, arm, shoulder. Honestly anywhere you'll allow him to. He won't touch the obvious places that would vouch for consent but he'd definitely be eager if you say he could.

And if you're someone's that's not into being constantly touched all the time he'd try his best to respect that but there'll definitely be moments when he reaches out for you and stops midway or his hand brushes you briefly. At some point he can't take it and takes a different route by standing so close your shoulders touch or instead urging you to initiate.

I feel like he takes care of his hands the best, his hair is choppy and his apartment is a state but he'll always make time to trim and take care of his nails. You asked him about it before and he just said he bites his nails a lot and didn't further explain why.

He seems like the type to be jittery a lot even when he's not high, in fact I think his hands would possibly shake less when he is. His hands shaking doesn't always necessarily means he's nervous but if you take them in yours to comfort him he'd definitely milk the hell out of it and hold out his hands to you expecting you to run your thumbs over them, that playful grin he always wears when he knows he's about to get what he wants on his face as he tilts his head at you.

Jealousy is in his top three emotions. He's far from perfect unfortunately and his possessiveness is definitely one of those defining traits. He would casually bring up bad things a person you're getting close to has done (like he's any better). Rubbing your back and preaching about how you should just stick with him.

Likes it if you run your hands down his back and sides, at first he found it annoying because of how ticklish it felt but shut up when you pointed out how hypocritical he was being. Being the fraud he is he quickly grew to like it, slumping his body over yours and as always expects to receive the embrace.

Lets you cut his hair, it's honestly the least of his concerns, is what he tells you at least. Sometimes you'll catch him picking at his hair in the reflection for too long. He's sat on the floor of your bathroom as you sit on the bathtub rim facing the mirror, his eyes are trained on your hands the whole time and he just couldn't help constantly making distracting pointers, a nudge to his side earns you a scoff before he eventually just let's you work.

Would constantly be twirling your hair if he's on call, he's persistent. If you have short hair or bald he'd scratch your scalp or nape of your neck, anything nearest to him.

He'd genuinely be happy if you initiated touch, even if it's not in public. He just liked the knowledge that you also like him enough to reciprocate.

This guy definitely has a staring problem, usually on your side or back profile but sometimes he zeroes in on random places that make you raise an eyebrow at him or push his head away flustered. And no you can't stare at him back he'll start blubbering about something that doesn't make sense and rubs his hands together to ease the nerves.

Defends you quietly, anyone that has talked behind your back gets confronted away from you. Obviously if they insult you in front of him he's swearing and throwing out threats he can't stand up to. If he wins (if) he'd try to act cool as he shrugs and wipes the blood from his nose and nudges you playfully, scolding you for "always getting him in trouble."

Absolutely insufferable during movies, won't shut up. Constantly pointing out bad acting or something he would've done in the characters position. Will only be quiet if you take charge of feeding him popcorn when you can tell he's about to yap, the instinct comes naturally after being around him for so long. Only times you'll mostly let him talk is during tense scenes in horror movies, it's alright then as he talks your ear off about random stuff in the movie that's somehow not relevant. Your eyes screwed with anxiety to the screen as he laughs and pulls you closer to his side (he starts talking to calm himself down because he's just as scared.)

Likes how warm your stomach is, always coming up behind you just to lay his cold hands on your stomach, causing you to jolt because he's like freezing?? He only chuckles and presses himself closer against you as he squeezes your sides. It's almost as if he knows how annoying he is.

Whenever you two lie in bed there's always a moment where he's lying on your chest, he honestly just looks thoughtless as he stares into the gap where your shirt meets your collarbone. Sighs heavily like a burdens been lifted when he smooth your palm over his hair and kiss his temple. You always fall asleep before him, I honestly believe he's an insomniac or at least has some problems sleeping, he's content just lying on you as you doze off though.

If you had a specific or unique style he'd admire it a lot. Honestly proud because he can't be asked to put the same effort into himself. If you do dress him up he'll feel good for a moment before feeling like an imposter and taking it off. The only accessories he has are his necklace and rings (you complimented them once and he hasn't thought of going back since.)

As much as he refuses to admit other people's views and opinions of him are a big part of his life. And after so many negative comments about himself he didn't see the point in trying to change it, instead he indulged in all the guilty pleasures they accused him of because what did he have to lose? But any kind words you give him he hangs onto like a life line, even just saying his name correctly has him hooked(Thanos...). He'll act all smug as you praise him, nodding and grinning while his ears flush red.

He also loves your hands. Kissing the tips, knuckles, pulse joint, everywhere. Makes you involuntary hold his face or put your hands on him. Likes seeing your hands intwined a lot, it feels solidifying.

Geekiest smile ever oh my days. He always looks so intimidating when he's outside but the moment another person (especially you) enters his bubble he's all smiles and chuckles, ducking his head softly as his hand covers his mouth. He could not handle being alone for too long.

The type of guy to randomly show up outside your apartment with takeaway with no warning and fully expects you to let him in, he knows you don't go out so it's the least you could do. Is already a foot inside your doorway when you finally open the door when you stop him, hand on your hip as you look him up and down.

"Since when did you have takeaway money?"

"Do you not wanna eat? Damn just let me in."

Chat can you tell I adore him 🤓

[teaboot]

I’m sending this anonymously but this is NOT anon hate

You are such a good person, i think. Your latest post(as of 4:10pm Arizona, US time) spoke to me really hard. My father is a cop, in the united states, arizona, duh. And he used to be such a good person, he was a security guard and a damn good one too, and later in he became a prison guard because it paid better, and then he joined the police force.

I’d like to think that hes one of the good ones, and for the most part he is. A lot of my delinquent friends over the years who’ve had run-ins with him say that he gets them breaks, he takes care of them, hes a good cop. I’ve even seen body camera footage of him in the field and i’m proud to say that hes my dad. He calls out bad actors where he sees them, and he gets punished for it. He doesnt see the system or how his punishments are by design. And he continues turning in his cog, begrudgingly, and slightly out of time, but he thinks hes making a difference

Sorry for the ramble and essay, i just wanted to say that i really like your blog and i think you are a very nice human being. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

P.s. i’m totally basing an oc off of your outlook on security. You strike me as more of a superhero than a security guard.

-🦕 anon

Oh, that’s a super flattering take and a valuable perspective- so thank you! But I’m a gullible dumbass, and not even an incredibly smart or fit one- I just want people to be happy and safe. That’s all. And I don’t want to BE a cop, I’ve NEVER wanted to be a cop, but every time the request comes around I feel like I’m wearing down.

I keep wondering if I could help MORE in a position like that.

Probably like your dad did.

Here, people know they’re safe with me because I shut down the gunhappy jerks, but I don’t know how long it would take to truly make a difference in public security, or how many of my morals I’d have to compromise to get to that point

I feel objectively like a system so archaic and flawed can’t be changed from the inside, but another part of me says that you don’t need to change an entire system to make a difference where it counts

I believe that so many bad situations and life-changing moments can be diverted or changed by a single person in the right place at the right time- and I figure, if I trust myself to do the right thing and BE the right person, shouldn’t I do my best to put myself in those places?

But good intentions, roads to hell, you know? I don’t WANT to be a cop. But I want to be able to DO SOMETHING about the thinks I dislike seeing in conflicts. SOMEONE has to be willing to do that, right?

I’m not religious, you know? But the devil can be very convincing

[mindless-existence1]

Summery: Bakugo x Support Group Reader. Basically you leave some hickeys on Bakugo, your secret boyfriend, and tease him about it.

Also I made this while thinking of reader having a teleportstion quirk or smth that makes it easy to sneak into Bakugos dorm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bright light shown through the large balcony doors, illuminating the small dorm. Your eyes fluttered open and in your sleepy state you see your boyfriend rummaging around in his closet.

When he emerged a black shirt was in hand, which you recognized as his classic skull tee he sported regularly. As he changed you propped yourself onto your elbow, "Goodmorning my handsome and amazing boyfriend." You cheerfully greet the blond, though you cut yourself off with a long yawn.

Bakugo responds with a soft grunt as he throws his dirty pajama pants and shit in a laundry bin.

When you fully got a look at the teen across the room you notice the red and light purple spots coating his neck. You chuckle to yourself replaying last night activities in your mind. When Bakugo looks your way he has a puzzled look on his face.

"What's so funny?" Though his voice lacked the same fire as normal the question was still pointed. Your teeth dig into your bottom lip in an attempt to stifle the laugh bubbling in your throat.

It fails when you seem him scratch at the back of his neck obliviously. "You should see yourself." You let out in between fits of laughter.

Bakugo rolls his eyes but walks over to his full length mirror, curtesy of you, and looks at the reflection. You know the exact moment he realizes the marks on his neck won't be easy to cover up.

"What the hell?" The blond shouts, you see him pull at the neck of his shirt to see the full extent if the hickeys. "Whatever do you mean Kats?" You innocently ask.

Bakugo glares at you before going to his closet trying to find a jacket or sweatshirt to wear in hopes to cover up. "I swear to God I hate you." You just laugh at his remark, "You didn't hate me last night."

You don't need to see his face to know he gets flustered, him throwing a crumpled shirt at you confirms it. "Don't you have class to get ready for?" He asks after a moment, his voice rough.

"Nope! Unlike the Hero Course, Support Course doesn't have early morning training." You sigh happily and cuddle up in the blanket. From your spot on the bed you hear Bakugo mumble a "Shit."

"What?" You ask, looking over at him as he runs a hand through his blond spikey hair. He just shakes his head. "Can't find a clean sweatshirt to cover up with." You roll your eyes playfully at his words.

"Don't worry about babe, people were going to find out eventually." The look of disgust that crosses you boyfriends face make soup chuckle. "I'm not having those extras in my class harass me all day about this."

You shrug your shoulders, "I'm sorry babe but I don't know what to tell you." It takes a lot out of your to bite back the smile tugging at your lips while you look at the defeated blond.

"Kats everyone in your class is scared of you, just threaten to explode them or something if they mention it." Your boyfriend thinks for a moment, considering your words before surging his shoulders.

"I guess your right." You giggle, beckoning Bakugo over to you. Whe he makes his way back to the bed you gently grab his face and give him a kiss. "I'm always right. That's why I'm in the smart people class."

Bakugo elts out a breathy chuckle and shakes his head. "Your lucky I love you or I would have kicked you out a long time ago." You put a hand to your chest in mock suprise. "Kats that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

He rolls his eyes and walks away from the bed where you lay. "Don't push it."

[naughtyneganjdm]

Threads of Desire: A Christmas to Remember - Chapter 5

Summary: Upset about the conversation that he had with Maggie, Negan shows up at Y/N's house hoping to convince her to quit her job and a lot of their feelings come to light.

Characters: Negan Smith, the reader (OC), Daryl Dixon, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61111030/chapters/158656765

Warnings:��Swearing, Cheating, Angst, Smut, Heavy Touching, Unprotected P in V, etc.

Notes: Real sorry about taking a break on this. The holiday season is nuts, but I'll do my best to put up the rest of the story as soon as I can.

It had been a long time since Y/N had been this exhausted. Sure, it had been a rough few days, but this was not what she was accustomed to. Maybe it was from all the stress of everything going on. Stress was something she had grown used to, but never at these levels. When she got home today, she just crashed. She laid down on the couch and that was it. She didn’t even eat. All she remembered was walking in the door, tossing her stuff aside and falling onto the couch. Next thing she knew, she was out cold and didn’t even wake up until she heard what she thought to be the sound of someone knocking on her door.

Groaning out, she lifted her head and looked back over her shoulder at the door. Whoever was there was impatient. Laid out on her stomach, she realized that she had been sleeping face first with her head buried into the throw pillow that was at the end of the couch. All around her, the apartment was pitch black except for the small glow of the automatic light that turned on in the dark in her kitchen and the light coming from her clock.

More than anything, her body wanted to go back to bed. It needed the rest and it longed for it. Everything had been brutal on her body lately. From the lack of sleep to the destruction of her mental health. It wasn’t doing her any favors.

That wasn’t going to happen with the continued knocking though. It wasn’t just a light knock, it was an emotional knock. Which told her whoever was at the other side of the door thought they had some important reason to be there.

Pulling herself up into a seated position on the couch had an involuntary groan escaping her. Sleeping on the couch was not the best of ideas. Everything hurt. Curling her fingers around the edge of the cushion, she tried to coach herself into standing up. Sighing, she managed to gather enough strength to stand. A rushing sensation went to her head and she needed to take a minute until she was steady on her feet. Moving across the apartment, she turned on the light switch and winced at the bright lights flooding her vision.

Hearing another loud sequence of knocks had her looking to the time again. It was two in the morning. What the hell was so important that someone had to be here? And who the fuck was it?

A sense of anger was flooding her veins. It was probably over the fact that she was tired and that she had been woken up from her deep sleep, but she couldn’t control that tired rage. Heading for the door, she unlocked it and then irately pulled it open, “What the hell do you want?”

Exhaling loudly, she felt her throat tensing up with the familiar hazel eyes locking with hers. That was a time where she should have held in her emotions again. Clasping tightly to the door, she gazed over Negan. He was completely disheveled wearing his pajama pants, a bulky winter coat and a pair of boots. What he was wearing was completely mismatched and it looked like he had thrown it on quickly. His hair was messy and he looked extremely fatigued himself.

Straightening up her posture, she noticed that Negan was breathing heavily as he stood before her. His shoulders were slouched and he looked incredibly upset. Stepping into the hallway, she looked both ways realizing that he was alone.

“Negan?” she breathed out, her eyes locking with his in a state of panic. It struck her in that moment what it could have been. Coming to her home, dressed like this? Emotionally banging at her door like he had been. “What are you doing here? Is Jordyn okay? Is something wrong?”

“Jordyn is fine. She’s alright!” Negan was quick to calm her, holding his hands up in the air. By the expression over her tired features, Negan could tell that he had her worried over his daughter and that was the last thing he wanted. Fear obviously ate away at her because she had no idea why he would show up at her apartment at this time of night. “She’s back at the house sleeping in her bed. I checked on her before I came over here.”

“You left her alone?” she wondered, her fingers curling around the handle of the doorknob. She was perplexed why he was there so late. “She’s still a baby Negan. She shouldn’t be left alone. What were you thinking?”

“She’s not alone,” Negan assured her trying to ease her worries. Reconsidering it, Negan tipped his head to the side and huffed. “Maggie is there. I mean they are both sleeping, but I’ll be back before anyone can get in trouble. You know that I have the security cameras in my home linked to my phone. If anyone gets up and starts moving around, I’ll know.”

“Leaving her with Maggie is pretty much the same thing as leaving her alone,” she frowned, hating the idea that Jordyn was at home alone with Maggie. Leaning her shoulder against the doorframe, she knew she just wanted to get to the point. There was a tension in her head that likely came from the lack of sleep. “What are you doing here Negan?”

“I uh…” Negan paused, looking down the hallway of her apartment building. His face scrunched up and he shrugged his shoulders. “We really need to fucking talk. I want to talk to you.”

“And this couldn’t wait until tomorrow? Or you couldn’t just call me?” she wondered, her hand sliding down the length of the door. In the past? She was desperate for Negan’s attention. Now that she had it, she wasn’t so sure that she wanted it. It was only making things more complicated.

“Would you have answered?” Negan asked, a muscle in his jaw flexing expressing to her that he was stressed. After all the years she had spent around Negan? She easily learned what he was thinking or feeling by his expressions. Taking a moment to consider things, she stepped aside and motioned him into her apartment. Giving her a weak smile, Negan entered and started to pull off his jacket once he did. Under the jacket he was wearing an old rock band t-shirt. Holding out her hand, she requested him to give her his jacket so she could hang it for him. Turning toward him, she saw that he was taking off his boots so he didn’t get her apartment messy. After he finished, she realized that he was gazing over her body. By the way his thick eyebrows furrowed, she knew that he was perplexed. “When did you get home?”

“Hours ago. I was just exhausted,” she admitted knowing that he was referring to the fact she was still wearing the dress that Guy had requested her to wear earlier. “I just laid down and I crashed.”

Nervously flattening out the material of the dress against her body, she pointed toward her bedroom and yawned again, “Can you wait here so I can go change? Unless this is urgent.”

“No, I can wait,” Negan responded with a quick nod, pushing his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants. Standing before him a moment longer, she didn’t even know what this was about. Part of her wished that she did so it didn’t make her feel so awkward being around him. 

“Can you?” she turned away from Negan, pointing toward the zipper for help. Hearing him moving behind her, she knew she could have managed to get it down herself, but having Negan’s help was just easier. Closing her eyes, she felt the warmth of Negan’s fingers dragging across her shoulder. Tugging at the zipper had the material parting with her looking over her shoulder. Giving her a small nod, Negan backstepped trying to give her some space. “Thank you.”

Heading toward her bedroom, she pushed the door open when she entered. Working the material of the dress down her body, she knew that she wanted to be careful with this. Earlier she had caught a glimpse at how much this dress cost and she didn’t want to ruin it. Especially since Guy Vixen himself had bought it for her as a gift of some kind.  

Walking toward her closet, she glanced over at the partially opened bedroom door to see Negan standing at the back of the couch. The way that he was standing was in such a fashion that he could watch her change. His weight was balanced on his hand that was braced on the couch. When their eyes locked, he let out a panicked sound. Pulling his hand away from the couch had him falling forward to the point she no longer saw him but heard the sound of him hitting the ground.

“Jesus!” she moved out of her room, holding the dress to her chest in attempts to cover up in some way. Not that it mattered considering he had already seen her naked earlier. When she got into the room, Negan was already pushing himself up onto his hands and knees. Immediately nodding, Negan scrambled to his feet and brushed his fingers nervously through his messy hair. Already he was incredibly red from being embarrassed. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, yeah. I’m perfect. Fucking great,” Negan assured her, his voice raspier than it normally was. Forcing himself to look away from her, Negan growled under his breath and a slew of curse words followed. “Totally meant to do that.”

“Right,” she couldn’t help but laugh with the prominent vein at the side of his neck bulging. This was a time where she could have teased him that she caught him watching her change, but he was already upset enough as it was. She didn’t want to push her luck. “I’m going to finish changing. And then I’ll be back. Try not to knock anything over this time, okay?”

A fake laugh was forced from Negan’s throat with him moving around the couch to sit down. Burying his head in his hands, she could tell that Negan was talking to himself but she couldn’t hear what he was saying. Shaking her head, she moved back to her bedroom and was quick to hang up the dress. Throwing on a quick pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt, she knew that she wasn’t out to impress. It was two in the morning. He would be fine if she was in pajamas since he was in his too. When she was done, she headed back into the living room to join Negan.

“Can I get you anything?” she offered, moving around to her Christmas tree to turn the lights on. The living room area lit up with all the things she had decorated making a weak smile tug at Negan’s features when he was surrounded by the glow. Preferring that to the actual lights, she moved over toward the switch to turn the main light off. There were enough decorations for them to be able to see one another underneath the glow of them. “Water? Hot chocolate? Some ice for that fall?”

“Fuck me, you’re not gonna let that go are you?” Negan scoffed, his nose wrinkling in frustration when she started to laugh. “It was a miscalculation of where to balance my body weight. I’m tired. I’m fucking sorry.”

“Yeah, okay,” she made it obvious that she didn’t believe him. And he knew that his lie was a shitty one. Really, she didn’t want to make things weird. Pointing out that she caught him staring at her changing was not going to enhance their friendship. Moving around the coffee table that was in front of the couch, she took a seat at the opposite end of it. Getting comfortable, she tucked her leg underneath her so she could face him. “So, what are you doing here at two in the morning? What couldn’t wait?”

“Did you have sex with Guy?” Negan stammered causing her to choke at the immediate question he so simply blurt out. That was not a question that he was embarrassed of. It was one that he was obviously worried about because his eyes seemed upset. “Tonight, when Maggie came over, we were talking about you. This whole job thing. She also stressed to me that she thinks Guy is only doing what he is because he wants to have sex with you.”

“I didn’t realize my sex life was so important to yours and Maggie’s relationship,” she chimed in, smirking at her smartass remark. Negan however was not impressed with what she had just said. Rolling her eyes, she tipped her head to the side and knew that Negan wanted a genuine answer from her. “I did not have sex with Guy. If you would have asked Maggie that question, you would have known that I left before Maggie and Guy did today. He dismissed me when they were still finishing something.”

Relief flooded throughout Negan’s body and it blew her away how easily she could tell that a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, “That’s why you came all the way out here in your pajamas? To ask me if I had sex with Guy Vixen?”

“No. Well, yes. But…no?” even Negan didn’t seem to know the answer to that question. His face twisted with frustration, his fingers sinking nervously into his messy hair while he tried to slick it back. Gathering his thoughts, Negan swallowed down hard and considered what the best thing to say next was. Shaking his head, he inhaled loudly with his back becoming straighter with the way he was sitting. “I think you should quit your job.”

“And why is that?” she breathed out, biting down at her bottom lip as Negan turned his body to now face her at the opposite end of the couch. This was something that seemed to be weighing heavy on him and she didn’t know how to approach the conversation. “I thought you said this was a good thing. That I should take advantage of what was happening.”

“Well I changed my mind,” Negan asserted, holding his hand up to silence her from reminding him of what he had said to her earlier. “I don’t think Guy is doing this out of purity. I don’t think he cares to see your talents. He just wants to fuck you. And I think him taking advantage of you while holding the promise of the job you want over your head…”

“Do you think I would sleep with someone in order to get the job that I wanted?” she wondered, reaching for the throw pillow that was between the two of them to hold it in her arms.

“I don’t know,” Negan was honest with her, his jaw flexing. There was a sense of worry that flooded his veins that she would get mad at him for saying that. “You are really depressed and upset. If someone offered you everything you wanted just by asking for sex from you…I think most people would take that deal. Don’t you?”

“I think that’s a very debatable topic,” she suggested, throwing one of her hands up in the air and it had Negan shifting uncomfortably. “I can handle Guy Vixen, Negan. You don’t have to worry about me. I know he wants to have sex with me, but I won’t act on it. I’m not someone who will have sex with my boss to get the job that I want.”

“Okay,” Negan sucked in a sharp breath of air, his thick eyebrows furrowed. A nervous expression flooded his features before he licked his lips nervously again. “It’s really not that simple though. I just…I don’t think you should be working for Maggie anymore.”

“Oh?” that one was a surprise to her. Truthfully? She didn’t know what to say to that. “And why is that?”

“It doesn’t matter why,” Negan thought back to the conversation that he had earlier with Maggie. Ever since they had it, he wasn’t able to put his brain to rest. There were some things he didn’t feel like he had to tell Y/N in order to get her away from that job. “I’ve been thinking about things with my career. And there is this person that has been coming to me a lot about a job. I kept telling him that I had to think about it. I didn’t know if I wanted to get back into the movies. But, I was thinking that if you want, I can take the job under the stipulation that if I sign on they have to hire you as the lead in the costume department. Or whatever job you want. I don’t even know if you want to focus on costuming. Whatever you want though, we can be a packaged deal.”

“Wait,” she waved her hands about to get him to stop rambling on about things. “You’re offering me a job now working in the film business?”

“I’m offering you a job in the film business if I’m able to sign onto something with the stipulation I bring you with me,” Negan stated, giving her a firm nod that had her muttering something under her breath. “It’s what you were asking me for the other day. A way into the film industry. So you can get away from Maggie and Vixen. A new chance at a life you always wanted.”

“You can offer me that today, but you couldn’t do that the other day?” she spoke up, her chest aching hearing what Negan was attempting to offer her. The other night at the event the college was holding he was pretty insistent that it was impossible for him to get her a job. “What changed in two days Negan?”

“I was looking at my options and I decided I agreed with you. You deserve to have a life doing something that you love,” Negan responded, his hand lifting to press in over the center of his chest. There was a sincerity in his eyes where she knew he was being honest with his answer, but she was still confused as to where this sudden job had come up now, but not before. “I care about you and I don’t want you suffering over something that you hate.”

“I thought you hadn’t worked with me in over four years. You had no idea what my work ethics were like,” she reminded him of the things that he had said to her and it made him cringe. Since she was so drunk that night he was kind of hoping that she didn’t remember the things that he had said to her when they were bickering. “What’s changed?”

“Me,” Negan blurt out, the lines in his forehead growing with him throwing his hands up in the air. How could he explain to her that he learned so much in the last few days? Things that she never needed to hear. Things that he felt horrible about himself for. Being in love with someone blinded him to the way things really were. At least someone he thought he loved. “I’ve changed. I’ve had time to think about things since the other night. And I’m willing to throw myself out there if it gives you a chance at happiness. I really don’t fucking like what Guy is doing to you. You’re being sexually harassed and with Maggie? I realize the things you were saying to me are true. I think she’s really fucking awful for you.”

Hearing that made a nervous smile tug at her lips, “What’s with the sudden negativity about Maggie? If I remember correctly, you were stressing to me that I should open up to her about things. You thought she would be a good friend and help me.”

“Well it finds out I’m an asshole,” he reasoned with her and it had her adjusting on the couch, lowering down the pillow that she was holding onto. That was a strange thing for him to say. “Maggie’s a terrible friend. And so am I. So I’m trying to make things right.”

“Where is this coming from?” her heart was pounding away inside of her chest as Negan forced himself to look away from her. Again his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat and he sighed loudly.

“You opened my eyes to a lot of things. And I started talking to Maggie and I realized…a lot,” Negan huffed, lifting his hand to pinch at the bridge of his nose again. Squeezing his eyes shut, Negan didn’t know what he should and should not say. Right now he was incredibly disappointed in himself. How he had grown so blind to things was awful and he didn’t understand it. “I don’t want you hurt by Guy and I don’t want you hurt by Maggie. You deserve better than that. And I’ve let it go on for far too fucking long.”

“And you don’t care to elaborate?” she pushed for details, and it looked like he wanted to tell her. But he paused, his lips parting and he shook his head.

“I just want to take care of you the way you took care of me,” Negan admitted, reaching out to grab a firm hold of her knee to give it a squeeze. “You made my life better and you didn’t need to. I want to make your life better and I owe it to you. We share a daughter together. I don’t care if you’re not the person that gave birth to her. You’re the only mother Jordyn has ever known. And I want fucking better for you.”

“That’s very nice of you,” she started, her hand lowering to place it in over Negan’s. Giving it a tiny squeeze, she considered what he was offering her and she shook her head. “Right now? I want to give this a shot and see what happens with Guy. If I feel uncomfortable, I’ll let you know.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Negan exclaimed, his hand becoming tense beneath hers. “I don’t think Maggie is ever gonna let you come out on top. And I realize now that sounds fucking sexual, but you get what I’m saying.”

That was the Negan that she was used to. It felt like in the last few years Maggie had neutered the naughty, cheesy side of Negan that he once was. So to hear him talking like that again made her smirk. That was the kind of guy he was. Always turning everything sexual even if it was unintentional.

“I know that,” she agreed with Negan, her eyes locked on his when she gave him a weak smile. Even though things seemed more relaxed between them, she didn’t see this as a time to completely unleash her feelings about Maggie. “Did the two of you fight?”

“We…” Negan paused, clicking his tongue at the top of his mouth. This was where he could have lied to her, but there was no reason to. She was his friend. She was honest with him, so he should have been honest with her. “Yes. We fought. And I didn’t like the things she was saying and insinuating about me nor you.”

“Ah, so you finally discovered the side of Maggie you turned a blind eye to,” she mused sighing loudly. There was a time when she thought Maggie was a good person to and it hurt like hell when she realized she was wrong. Especially since she considered Maggie part of her family growing up. When she said that, Negan seemed extremely upset. His whole body language showed it and so did his big eyes. “I was wondering how long she could keep you blind to it.”

“I don’t know what to say to that,” Negan admitted, taking his time to consider everything that happened during his talk with Maggie. “She’s not the woman I convinced myself that I was in love with. Because I was dating her, I applied certain qualities to her that other people I loved had. And I’m not sure she has those qualities at all. Which fucking sucks.”  

“Yeah, it hurts when you realize the people that you love aren’t who you thought they were,” she pulled her hand away and slid back further into the corner of the couch.

A loud exhale escaped Negan’s throat with his eyebrows scrunching up, “Fuck that surprisingly hurt. That was directed at me.”

“Was it?” she watched him slouch forward on the couch and he let out a tense breath. There was that chance it was directed at Maggie. Considering Maggie was her best friend. Someone that Y/N had grown up believing cared about her. But she knew better than that now. In reality though, it was directed at Negan. He was someone that she saw as perfect. Someone she admired and was head over heels in love with. How easily Negan picked up on the fact it was directed at him surprised her since he had been blind to things so long. “Who said I loved you?”

“You love me,” he spoke up, still keeping his head down. A chill flooded down her spine and she stayed silent. “And I love you. It’s a very pure love between us. I just never realized you were in love with me and that makes me a fucking moron.”

“So now I’m in love with you?” she realized that she sounded like a bitch right now, but she wasn’t denying it. What was the point in lying? She never did that with Negan. Sometimes she just didn’t tell him everything. And that made things easier. It helped her avoid lying to him about things.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Negan spoke faintly, his breathing growing louder when he finally gathered enough strength to look to her again. “I wish you would have told me.”

“Negan, I tried every way possible to let you know how I felt. I don’t know what else you expected me to do,” she cussed to herself realizing that she did just admit to him that she did indeed love him. Obviously, the first two years it was just a crush and a friendship. Something that she would never act upon since he was married. But after that? She couldn’t imagine that she didn’t do everything possible to let him know how she felt. She just never straight out said the words. “You just didn’t feel it back.”

“But that’s not true,” Negan corrected her with a firm shake of his head. “You were my favorite person to be around. Even before Lucille died. I looked forward to every fucking moment we spent together because I loved talking to you. There was no one I felt like I could completely be myself with when it came to you.”

“I would love to think all of that was true, but your actions and your words don’t coincide,” she declared, having a hard time not focusing on everything that went wrong in the last four years. “I thought you loved me, but you didn’t. There was something in the way you looked at me that last year when I was your student teacher and I think it’s like what you said. I was attributing certain factors to you because I loved you so much that I just wanted to believe you.”

“I’m not lying to you,” Negan seemed frustrated that she wasn’t listening to him in the way he wanted her to. “I loved spending time with you. Even before I lost Lucille. Think of all the hours outside of class we spent talking. It was inappropriate then, especially with the age gap between us. And I knew it, but I liked you so much.”

“You liked your ego being stroked,” she recalled what it was like in the time that they were talking back then. “Anyone with half a brain could see I had the biggest crush on you. And the fact you were giving me attention? I was so immature. I loved it.”

“Come on,” Negan grumbled under his breath, holding his hand out to try to get her to stare out at him. “You’re selling our relationship short. Even Lucille knew that we were close. And Lucille loved you. You know that. We both did.”

“Now that’s a different kind of love. Lucille looked at me like I was a kid and I feel like she latched onto me because she knew I had no one. The woman wanted to take me under her wing and it didn’t hurt that your daughter always had a comfort with me,” she thought back to the way things were with Lucille when she had been around her. “You’re talking about a love that is completely different than the one that we are talking about here.”

“I’ve always been very open with you about things,” Negan started, the lines in his forehead growing deeper as he spoke, “you know that I cheated on Lucille when we were together. It was so fucked up that I did. It’s not like I didn’t love her because I did. She was everything to me. But I was so arrogant and stupid…”

Negan had to take a moment to pause and he let out a scoff, “I hated the man that I was when I did that to Lucille. You know how hard we tried to have Jordyn. For so fucking long. She was our little miracle baby and once we had her? I felt like the luckiest man in the world. She was everything we fought so hard to have. I promised to never be that man again that hurt her.”

“Which is amazing. I know Lucille was the love of your life and I think she deserved that,” she didn’t understand where this was headed, but she could tell that talking about his late wife had Negan emotional. “Where is this going?”

“I’m trying to prove a point here,” Negan stressed to her, his body tensing up. “I never thought of cheating on my wife again. Because my life was perfect. But you? You’re the only person that made me consider it again. Maybe I did like the way you inflated my ego. And yeah, maybe I did know you had a crush on me back then.”

“Oh fuck off,” she laughed at what he just told her, standing up from the couch in disgust moving across the room to pace.

“Why do you never believe the shit that I say?” Negan snapped at her, a deep rumble of a growl escaping his throat. “You don’t remember that time that the two of us were sitting in the front row of my class with me sitting beside you?”

“We did that all the time,” she chuckled with him trying to draw forth some kind of memory between them that she didn’t think existed.

“You touched my hand and it was just innocent, but the way you touched me? It made me feel things that I shouldn’t have. I asked you that night if you had a boyfriend while stroking the back of your fucking hand because I was considering fucking you right then and there. Because you touching me made me…hard,” Negan continued on, finding his heart hammering inside of his chest with the way she stopped to stare down at him. “You made me feel good about myself with the way that you liked me and looked up to me. I loved spending time with you. But then I realized what an asshole I was and I left immediately. The next day I brought Lucille and Jordyn around so I could remind myself that things were perfect.”

Rolling her eyes, she turned away from him and couldn’t contain the amused sound that she made, “If that were fucking true, it’s been six years since Lucille died. You didn’t try to kiss me once. You never tried to have sex with me. You never even spoke of feeling that way toward me.”

“I’ve been thinking about that and maybe I shut that feeling down because of how I felt about you in that moment when Lucille was alive,” Negan reasoned, but sounded like he was trying to make sense of things himself. “You were the only person that ever made me think like that and…”

“I don’t…I don’t want to hear any more of it,” she cut him off from even going any further in that direction. “So having a relationship with me was bad because I gave you a boner by touching your hand when you were married?”

“Well now that you say it like that, yeah of fucking course it sounds stupid,” Negan stood up from the couch himself trying to appeal to her, but she held her hand out to stop him. “I don’t understand why you find that so fucking hard to believe.”

“Because it was Maggie your hard cock found its way into, not me!” she snapped at him causing him to swallow down hard with his expressive eyebrows furrowing. “It was Maggie you were showing up at my apartment for with my favorite fucking flowers. You shattered my fucking heart that day Negan. How do you not fucking see that? And then you kept fucking hurting me. Fucking Maggie with me in the apartment consistently forcing me to hear that shit? And then walking around naked all the time. How do you not realize that was you fucking tormenting me?”

A broken breath escaped Negan’s throat and he threw his hands up in the air trying to come up with something to say, but he was falling short, “You can say whatever you want, but your actions speak louder than your words. I would have done anything for you. And when you showed up at that fucking apartment that day, I thought it was me you were there for. I thought it was me you were coming to admit your feelings for and you were there for fucking Maggie. So feed me all the bullshit you want, but I know it’s not true.”

“I’m sorry,” Negan apologized, his voice broken with him shaking his head.

“For what? Liking someone else? Do you know how fucking pathetic I would have to be to expect you to apologize to me for loving Maggie?” she shook her head refusing to accept that apology. “You didn’t want me. And I wasn’t the person you liked spending the most time with because if I was? You wouldn’t have stopped doing it after you got with Maggie. We would have still been spending time together. Instead? We acted like divorced parents that hated each other only seeing each other here and there when I came to pick up Jordyn.”

Swallowing down hard, Negan lowered his head and it looked like there was a massive amount of guilt that was eating away at him, “I am the luckiest girl in the world because you allowed me to be in Jordyn’s life and I love that little girl like she is my own. And I will always treat her like she is because she means everything to me. Even when I feel like allowing this world to swallow me whole, I remember that I’m still here because I love her. She’s the thing that keeps me going every day. But I’m also the dumbest woman in the world because I’ve been in love with a man for eight years and he never felt the same way about me. Now he’s feeding me some kind of bullshit because he feels guilty about the way he treated me.”

“I wasn’t thinking right, okay?” Negan finally spoke, his eyes damp and his voice rasp when he dropped his hands down at his hips. “I had lost Lucille and I was a fucking mess. I hadn’t been with anyone since Lucille and when Maggie started throwing herself at me…”

Dramatically dropping her head back, she released an amused laugh. It seemed to infuriate Negan when she headed over back to her side of the couch to drop down on top of it, “If you would have made your move, it would have been you that I fell for. But it was Maggie that was laying it on thick. It was Maggie that kissed me first. It was Maggie that…”

“Fucked you purposely on the couch in our living room knowing that I would be coming home? Yeah. You’re right,” she blurt out, frustration flooding her veins when she just let that information drop. “You know she promised me that night when you came here with the flowers that she wouldn’t let it go any further. When I walked in on the two of you having sex, it was a real fucking shock.”

“Then why remain loyal to her this whole fucking time?” Negan hissed, throwing his hand up in the air with the vein at the side of his neck bulging. “You should have fucking told me the kind of person that she was! I didn’t know who she was.”

“You know what the better question is?” she stood up from the couch, stepping before him to shove into the center of his chest to get him to stumble back giving her a shocked expression. “Why the fuck did I put up with you the whole time? Maggie, I have an excuse. Maggie’s father asked me to watch over her and keep her safe because he was worried his daughter would fail at life. But you? You’re the one that fucked Maggie. It wasn’t my responsibility to let you know the person she was.”

“No, you just waited four years to tell me,” Negan scoffed in response, his nose wrinkling with a firm shake of his head.

“You know what? I’ll give you the floor,” she dramatically waved her hands about, drawing his breathing to grow louder. “Why don’t you tell me what it is that Maggie did to have you be a pathetic fucking puppy dog toward her with those flowers. What was it Maggie did that had you fucking her in my apartment? And what made you think it wouldn’t hurt me? Because if I had a crush on you and you knew it in those first two years, why wouldn’t I have it when you fucked Maggie?”

“There was nothing to love with me. I was a mess. You saw me at my absolute worst. You had to take care of my daughter when I couldn’t. I was a fucking mess, why would you ever want to love someone like me when you had to endure the kind of person I was?” Negan countered visibly upset, but she uncomfortably scoffed under her breath.

“Because I loved you,” she sighed, her chest aching at the thought. “You made a promise to Lucille that you would live life for her because she couldn’t and you had a beautiful daughter. I wasn’t going to allow you to break that promise and I wasn’t going to let something happen to you or Jordyn because you lost the person you loved more than anything. It wasn’t fair that the world took Lucille away from you, so I understood why you were the way you were. Which is obviously me answering my own question as to why I put up with you for so long. That and because I love your daughter.”

“You love her, but not me?” Negan didn’t like what he was hearing causing her to shake her head again in frustration.

“You want to hear that I love you for what reason Negan? So it makes you feel better again and I’ll be that one person that makes you consider cheating again? Yeah Negan, I love you too because I’m a very pathetic girl,” she confessed placing her hand in over the center of her chest. “So why don’t you tell me what it was that Maggie did to make you want her and not me? When did she kiss you and you realized that you wanted to be with her? What did she do to make you have sex with her in the home she shared with me? Maybe I can take some pointers for the next man I fall in love with. That way I don’t lose out and make the same mistake I made last time.”

“Stop,” Negan requested, his jaw flexing with them obviously emotional from this discussion. “You can’t be mad at me for not making the first move. I didn’t make the first move with Maggie either. I didn’t do anything wrong. You’re acting like you were honest with me about things and you weren’t. If you would have said something…”

“I know men are stupid Negan, but come on…” she frowned, giving a glare before moving back to drop down on the couch again finding herself exhausted with this conversation. “This whole I never made the first move thing is bullshit.”

“I feel like I owe you this massive apology, but…” Negan’s hand was shaking when he pointed toward himself, but she held her hand up to silence him. An apology was not something that she wanted from Negan.

Unhurriedly Negan moved back to his spot on the couch and dropped down. Sliding down on the couch, the two of them sat there together in silence for a while. It took a while for her heart to calm down with how hard it was pounding with the adrenaline rush this whole thing gave her.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” Negan finally broke the silence, his breathing growing louder. After their fight, his chest hurt fucking bad and he knew that was the guilt of everything. “Ever since we talked the night at the event, I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re all I think about.”

“It was the tits,” she spoke quietly making Negan snort and then start to laugh. Looking to her, they both laughed at how bluntly she said it. He thought she was joking, but she was being serious in a cheeky way. “I promise you Negan, it was nothing more than that. I cover them up most of the time, I finally let them out and it has both you and Guy Vixen foaming at the mouth.”

“It’s not your tits,” Negan forced his laugh down, trying to look away from her since this was a serious moment that he was trying to approach. “Yes, you have nice breasts, but what happened earlier at the store…”

“Was a mistake,” she finished his sentence, reaching out to grab at Negan’s arm to get him to look at her. “You were emotional, you were trying to make me feel better. I was at that event. Everyone that came up to you stressed to me how much you loved Maggie. I never heard the end of it. If I was Maggie? I would have fallen in love with you so much more hearing how much you loved me. Unfortunately, I’m me. And it was her these things were about. Not me.”

“Yeah, but I’m starting to think that I don’t even know the real Maggie,” Negan declared, visible confusion flooding into his features with his admission. “And I’m not even sure I fucking know who I am. So there is that.”

“I don’t know what to say to that Negan,” she professed, her heart sinking at what he said knowing that a while ago she would have loved to hear that. “Nothing I say to that is going to make this situation any better.”

“Why…” Negan began, scoffing to himself knowing that this would likely go nowhere. “Why didn’t you try to kiss me though? If you would have kissed me before Maggie did, I know things would have worked themselves out between us.”

“Because I was worried that after Lucille passed away it would have been wrong for me to kiss you because it would have been me putting a nail in the friendship I had with her,” she had thought for a moment what to say, but when she did say this it was so emotionless that it had Negan looking her with an arch of his eyebrow.

“You’re mocking me,” Negan recognized that she was using the thing he said earlier against him.

“Little bit,” she tipped her head to the side understanding that it wasn’t the nicest of things to do in the moment. Even with her smart ass attitude, he was still waiting for an answer. “I don’t know Negan. Why didn’t you just kiss me?”

“In my mind I had to be thinking I was your professor,” Negan kept up with that defense provoking her to groan loudly. “It would have been a conflict of interests and I could have gotten in trouble.”

“Maybe I just wanted to know that I was worth the risk,” she suggested, rubbing her hands out over her thighs hating that they were bickering about the past again. “It’s nice to play a game of what if Negan, but you really fell in love with Maggie. She was what you wanted.”

“I think I fell in love with Maggie’s version of you,” Negan countered, drawing her to give him a look that showed she had no idea what he was saying. “Maggie listened to you talk about me for four years. She knew what you told her about me. She knew what I liked. She listened to someone who loved me talk about me. And she kissed me first. Like a typical fucking male, I thought with my dick. And I continued to let my dick think things out for way too long.”

“What does it matter now?” she truly wondered, a tense laugh escaping her throat. This was all nice to hear, but it didn’t change shit and it sure as hell didn’t make things better. “It doesn’t change what happened.”

“What we did together in that dressing room…” Negan focused on what happened earlier at the store with her trying on the dress. It was something she wanted to avoid talking about, but he was still locked in on it.

“We didn’t even kiss Negan. It was a moment of tension that will never happen again,” she promised him, swallowing down hard. Truthfully? When she closed her eyes she could still picture the way everything felt. “If we kissed, then maybe, but we didn’t.”

Thinking about what she said, Negan slid in toward the middle couch cushion and bit down on his bottom lip, “Then maybe we should kiss once. We never kissed. I don’t know how I would feel if I kissed you.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she alerted him with a long exhale realizing that she was already hooked on Negan. The last thing she needed right now was something else like that. Something that would pull her further into him. Especially when he could never be hers. “It’s only going to complicate things more.”

“But maybe when we kiss we will realize that there is nothing there,” Negan thought aloud, shrugging his shoulders simply. “It could be for the best. That way we really know and don’t have to lay awake at night wondering about the what ifs.”

“Negan…” she whispered his name, her throat going dry with him pressing in closer to her. After the way they had been bickering, she couldn’t see this working itself out.

“Please?” Negan begged of her, his hand lifting to sweep his fingers in over the side of her face. For so long this was the kind of attention she wanted from Negan, but in the moment she knew that it felt wrong. Yet she didn’t push him away. Just his touch alone had her eyes fluttering to a close. Having the roughness of his fingertips caressing at her skin had her breath hitching in her throat. Palming down over the side of her face, Negan allowed his thumb to drag faintly across her bottom lip. The slightest of whimpers escaped her throat eliciting a chill to flood his body. It was so quiet, but since the room was too it was easy to hear. He hadn’t even kissed her yet and he had her trembling before him. It took his breath away. Pressing in closer, Negan closed the distance between them. The warmth of his breath lingered over her and he was keen to pay attention to her reactions. Considering what he was putting on the line, he wanted to pay special attention in the moment. Sweeping his fingers down over her jawline toward her neck, Negan captured her jaw between his thumb and index finger. It had her lips parting with her breathing growing broken. Part of him wondered if she would stop him from doing this, but she hadn’t. And he was thankful for that. Faintly brushing his lips over hers, he took his time to allow her the chance to refuse. Their lips barely touched. It was when his eyes closed that he finally brought their lips together in a passionate sweep. It was one that lingered, innocent at first. Her hand settled at the center of his chest with her fingers stretching upward. Gradually the kiss grew stronger. It was just supposed to be one simple kiss, but with her lips parting he took advantage by brushing his tongue delicately against hers. One kiss turned to many with her fingers curling loosely around the back of his neck. Pressing a final kiss at her bottom lip left them both breathless. Lazily, his eyes fluttered to an open with them still so close to one another. “How do you feel?”

His eyes were locked on her, enamored with the way she responded to him kissing her. Slowly her eyes opened, her pupils dilated showing that the kiss had undoubtedly had its effects on her, “I don’t know,” she knew she couldn’t say what she truly felt. With him still touching her face, it wasn’t helping. “It’s hard to explain.”

“Then maybe we should do it again,” Negan commented with his thumb stroking down over the soft fleshy part of her throat. Stealing another fervent kiss from her lips, Negan brought them close together. One kiss turned to another with their breathing growing broken and labored. This time when Negan’s tongue swept against hers, she eagerly returned the gesture. Everything about this was intoxicating having her desperately wanting more from him.

“Shit,” she stood up from the couch, panting when she pulled away from Negan’s kisses. Moving toward the corner of the room gave her that chance to put some distance between them. It felt like everything was spinning with how intense things started to get between them. Finally looking to him again, she gave him a nod, but it was hard looking him in the eye. “Well we kissed and I think we can both agree that you should probably be headed home.”

Taking a moment to think about what she was saying, Negan gave her a single nod. Getting up from the couch, he approached her and felt his heartbeat leaping in his chest, “I guess we’ll talk again soon?”

“Sure,” she realized that he was going to hug her goodbye and she allowed him that. Squeezing her firmly in his arms, Negan buried his head against the side of her neck and sighed loudly. Chills flooded down her spine and she tried to keep her head on straight.

“I’ll just go then…” Negan spoke, leaning back ever so slightly to look down upon her. “If that’s what you want from me.”

Staying silent, she knew it was for the best. Kissing him was addicting and she didn’t want to stop. With a wicked smirk, Negan stepped back acting as if he was going to leave. Reaching for his wrist had him chuckling. Cupping his face in her hands, she hungrily pulled him back to her having his lips crashing down upon hers. The force of him stepping forward had her back pressing against the wall. Dropping his hands, he caressed them in over her hips giving them a firm squeeze. Kiss after kiss took her breath away, her body growing limp with her falling in against his chest.

Gasping out, she felt Negan’s hands palming down over the backs of her thighs. Hooking his arms under her knees, he lifted her up from the ground and braced her weight against the wall. Closing the distance between them had her heart hammering inside of her chest. Every part of her felt like it was on fire with Negan’s lips upon hers once more. Kissing her with all the passion and desire that had been building up between them over the last few days.

Wincing, she tipped her head back when Negan’s kisses tampered off down over her chin and across her jawline. Sinking her fingers into his messy, dark hair she knew that she should have let him leave but this all felt way too good to let go of. For years she longed for this kind of interaction and now that she was getting it she felt like she was drunk off his kisses.

His mouth left a hot, wet trail against the side of her neck when he eagerly returned to meet her lips in a fiery kiss. What started off innocent was growing into something hungry and passionate. Something that she never thought existed between the two of them. How easily Negan took her breath away was scary. Negan held her in the palm of his hand and she knew it. An involuntary moan escaped her lips with the sensation of Negan’s hips lightly bucking up against hers. In return he rewarded her with a throaty moan. Tipping his head back, his eyelids were heavy as he tried to make sure that she was comfortable with where this was going. Another roll of his hips had her head tipping back. Repeatedly, his hips bucked up against hers with his mouth stealing kiss after kiss from her lips.

“Fuck,” Negan hissed at the liquid warmth that was flooding his body. Sucking at her bottom lip had her mewling out and he pressed his forehead to hers. Every part of him felt like it was on fire. The way she caressed at the back of his neck had chills running down his spine. Carefully bringing her in against his chest, Negan turned on his heel taking his time to carry her over toward the couch. Dropping down on top of it, Negan fell in over her but made sure to brace his weight so he didn’t hurt her. Hovering his lips in over hers had her caressing down over the side of his neck toward the center of his chest. A smile tugged at his lips hearing the anxious sound that she made with him over her. “Don’t be nervous.”

Lowering himself between her thighs, Negan kept his weight braced on his right arm while his left caressed down over the side of her body and up again. Teasing his lips just over hers, Negan’s eyelids grew heavy when the warmth of her mouth radiated against his. It had her purring out and it sent a chill right through his body. There was a rush flooding his veins. This wasn’t where he expected the kiss to go, but here they were.

Feather like kisses pressed over her lips with him taking his time to get comfortable with her. With each kiss, the passion and hunger grew with them exploring each other. Making out with Negan on the couch was not something she expected and she was surprised they let it get this far. But right now she was feeling butterflies in her stomach. Having him pampering her with kisses was addictive and it was hard to pull herself away from it. There was an electricity between them that both of them could feel the longer they kissed.

Grunting, Negan lowered his head to look down with him hooking his arm underneath her knee. Getting her to loosely wrap her leg around his waist drew out the most delicious moan from his lips and it had her panting. Palming down over the side of his face had Negan leaning into her touch, his lips parting and his eyes coming to a tight close.

By the time his long eyelashes fluttered to an open, she felt lost in him. The way he stared down at her showed a sense of affection. Licking his lips, Negan dragged his thumb across her bottom lip and sighed. Kissing at the pad of his thumb had a tiny smile tugging at his handsome features, “You are so beautiful.”

Nuzzling his nose in against hers showed tenderness in the way he was desperate to be near. Stroking down over the side of his neck, she liked listening to the way that he was breathing. At this moment? They were just taking the time to cherish the warmth of their bodies near. Hooking her fingers into his messy hair, she caressed at his scalp and liked the tiny kisses that he was pressing at the side of her face. A lump grew in her throat with the feeling of Negan caressing down in over her thigh and then up over her side. Having her arch up into him like she did only made him smile further.  

“Do you trust me?” Negan slurred, kissing softly at her bottom lip allowing it to linger in that moment.

Maybe she should have said no, but instead she just nodded. Adjusting his weight made her panic when he got on his knees above her. Reaching for the bottom of his shirt, Negan took his time pulling it up the lengths of his abdomen. Getting it over his head, he dropped it beside the couch on the floor. How she looked at him fueled him. Maggie had never looked at him like that. Reaching for her hands, Negan brought them toward his torso urging her to touch him. Tension was evident in her body, but it was from her being nervous. Flattening her palms against the center of Negan’s abdomen, she did as he wanted. Sliding her hands up his slender torso toward his chest and then down again. Just touching him had Negan sucking in a sharp breath of air, tipping his head back and pressing in closer to her. Teasing her fingers through the dark curls of hair that covered his flesh had a thick rumble of a sound falling from his throat. Forcing himself to watch her, Negan could see the awe in her eyes. Instead of rushing things, she learned the lines of his body. Learning what he liked while also enjoying the moment herself.  

Lifting up, her eyes stayed locked with his at first when she started to pepper affectionate kisses at the center of his torso. Every caress of her lips over his flesh was delicate with her still touching him. His heartrate was undoubtedly high with him curling his fingers around the back of her neck. Lowering her stare, she kissed at the lines over his hips following the v-line toward the top of his pants. Biting down on his bottom lip, Negan sighed loudly. It felt good having someone pampering him and admiring him like this.

Dropping his hands down, his fingers tugged at the material of her shirt getting it partially up her body. Stopping at the area right under her arms, he gave her a tip of his head when she looked up at him. Lifting her arms allowed him to pull it from her body and drop her shirt along with his. Underneath she was not wearing a bra and he knew that. Hell, he watched her change. The way her breasts bounced with the movement made him groan.

Motioning her to lay back again, Negan laid in over her permitting the warmth of their bodies to press together. That alone felt better than he could have ever imagined. It had her frozen beneath him with him dragging his bottom lip over hers. Lazily dragging his lips over her top lip had her purring out and he loved it. They should have said more, but they didn’t. The roughness of Negan’s fingertips caressed down over her side and it felt like her heart was going to pound out of her chest. After a while Negan’s fingers dragged down further, teasing in over the waistband of her pajama pants. Locking his eyes with hers, Negan pushed at the material having her a tremoring mess beneath him.

“It’s okay,” he hushed her, lifting his hips enough to get the material of her pajama pants tugged down to her thighs. With them getting locked up there, he balanced his weight enough for him to use one of his hands to get them pushed even further down her legs. Laying back in over her, Negan reached behind him to push at his pajama pants getting them down over his ass toward his thighs. Swallowing down hard, Negan’s muscles tensed with the sensation of their bodies pressed together. The way she shuddered had him breathless with his fingers tracing down over the side of her face. “You take my breath away.”

Attempting to look between them, Negan stopped her by curling his finger in underneath her chin. Hushing her, he urged her to tip her head back against the pillow, “Keep your eyes on mine. I don’t want you looking anywhere else.”

Every part of her felt like it was on fire with the warmth of his naked body lying in over her. This felt more passionate and sincere in the moment. Less sexual even though the two of them were both naked. There was a vulnerability between the both of them that Negan was enchanted by.

“No one looks at me the way you do,” Negan whispered, starting to pepper kisses against her bottom lip. How he had been blind to it this whole time was something he couldn’t wrap his mind around. “I should have seen it all along.”

Closing her eyes when Negan’s kisses tampered off over the side of her neck had it feeling like the room was spinning around them. Quiet whispers surrounded her with Negan praising her, saying all the things that someone would want to hear. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she buried her nose against the side of his neck.

Turning his head, Negan brought their lips back together. Reaching for one of her arms, he lowered it down on the couch with his fingers hooking firmly with hers. Truthfully they could have spent an eternity like that, just kissing with them pressed up against one another.

“Do you still want me?” Negan wondered, his words vibrating against her flesh having her whimper at the feeling of it. His fingers squeezed firmly with hers and he wanted her to answer honestly. “After everything, is there a chance that you still want to be with me?”

“I don’t know,” she spoke quietly, unsure of how she was feeling or how things were. More than anything she wanted Negan, but she didn’t know how it would work. “I know how you make me feel.”

“How do I make you feel?” Negan wanted to hear her answer, wetting his lips. There was desperation in her eyes with his mouth hanging just in over hers.

“Like my heart is beating wildly yet capable of stopping at the same time,” she stammered drawing him to smile with a tiny nod. That probably sounded stupid and she knew it. “No one makes me feel like you do.”

“Okay,” Negan licked his lips adjusting his body over hers and releasing her hand. “That’s all I need to know.”

Wiggling his hips a bit more got the material of his pants down to the bottom of his thighs. Dragging his hand down over her side toward her ribcage and then over her breast had her panting. Circling her nipple with his thumb, he worked to bring it to a hard bud and growled.

“Do you have any condoms?” Negan questioned and it had her shaking beneath him. There was a sense of shock in her eyes with his eyebrows bouncing up.

“I…I don’t,” she responded, her head tipping back with Negan’s thumb tracing over her jawline, down over the length of her neck and toward her collarbone. “I don’t really have time to bring men back here for sex.”

“We can work with that,” Negan slurred, reaching down between them, his raspy moan following when she assumed that he was touching himself. Nuzzling his nose in against hers, he adjusted himself over her. Curling his arm around her waist, he brought her closer to him and it had the warmth of his body near hers. Licking his lips, he reached between them again to curl his fingers around the base of his cock. Teasing the swollen tip over the length of her sex had her cooing out. Dragging a line down her body with the tip and then up toward her clit had her bouncing up toward him. “You are so fucking perfect.”

Repeatedly he teased her with the same motion, until he brought his fingertips up toward his lips. Licking at them, he lowered them down again touching himself. By the time a bit of pressure was being pushed at her entrance, she heard the sound of what she thought was another knock at her door. Closing her eyes, she assumed that it was just her mind letting things stir with the thick tip of Negan’s cock prodding at her warmth.

“Look at me,” he demanded and she obeyed. His lips hovered over hers with him working just the tip through the tight ring of muscle having the both of them moan in unison. Pulling out had her whimpering before he repeated the same movement causing them both to be a panting mess. Another knock at the door drew both of their attention this time with Negan looking to the door. “Just ignore it. It’s late.”

Nodding her head, she winced when he got just a bit more inside of her this time. He was starting off small, getting her used to him. Pressing her hand against his lower abdomen had him swallowing down hard. Even though he knew better, there was a sense of innocence to her. Lifting, she watched him pull his hips back letting her gaze upon his rigid manhood that took her breath away. Again, the way she looked at him turned him on more than he could have ever imagined. She did stare at him with awe and affection. In her eyes? He was perfection and he could see that. Cuddling in close to her, Negan got comfortable between her thighs and helped lead the tip back to her ready opening. Pushing forward had her crying out and he nipped at her chin. At this point it was only the tip that had entered her a few times but knowing that it was Negan had her body craving so much more.

“You feel so good,” Negan slurred, doing his best to brace himself pushing his hips just a bit more forward. This time allowing his body to enter hers further. Dropping her head back, she cried out with Negan kissing down over the side of her neck. There was a stretching sensation with her body parting to his girthy length. “So wet and tight…”

And there it was again, the returning knock, “I’m going to kill myself if that’s Maggie.”

“It can’t be Maggie, the alert didn’t go off on my phone,” Negan breathed against the side of her neck having a sense of realization flood through her mind. Firmly bracing her hand over the center of Negan’s abdomen, she pulled her hips up and away from him having him moaning out. “Did I hurt you? We didn’t even get half of it in yet.”

“You’re still with Maggie,” she reminded him having a flood of guilt rushing through her veins. By his expression, she could tell in that moment the only person that mattered to was her. Working her pants back up over her body, she knew that every part of her was screaming at her to continue, but she couldn’t let that go. “You’re still with Maggie and we just started to have sex.”

“Barely,” Negan stammered, his chest rising and falling heavily with his unsteady breathing. Grunting, Negan looked down to see his cock twitch with the ache that it had with not being allowed to continue. “I think I want to leave Maggie. I want to be with you…”

“You don’t know that,” she frowned, standing up from the couch leaving him to fall back against it. Dragging his hands down over the front of his face, Negan groaned and she wished he would have pulled his pants back up. Seeing him laid stretched out on her couch almost completely naked with a raging hard on was not helping the situation. “I should have never let things get that far. It makes me just as bad as her if not worse. You’re hers. And I would have had sex with you, I started to…”

Wincing, Negan reached down to squeeze at his rigid length and lifted his head to look at it. Growling, he reached for his pants and arched his hips to pull them up over his body which she was thankful for, “Maggie is in your home right now. Sleeping in your bed and I’m here with you…”

“I don’t like the way I feel when I’m with Maggie,” Negan explained to her, the muscle in his jaw flexing when he brushed his fingers throughout his hair shakily. “I like the way I feel when I’m with you. The way you look at me, the way you touch me…the electricity between us…”

“The other day people were coming up to me talking about how much you loved Maggie. How can you change your opinion of her in two days?” she had a hard time believing that with her reaching down to grab her shirt to pull it back on.

“Because my eyes were opened to how things really are. I was blind to things,” Negan stood up from the couch, attempting to approach her, but she held up her hands to stop him from coming near. With how her body felt? She knew that she needed to keep some distance between the two of them. “Please, okay? All I think about is you.”

“You’re still with Maggie,” she stressed to Negan the words that hurt, but were still so undeniably true. Right now that didn’t seem to bother Negan, but she knew eventually it would. “You’re hers. And she is yours. This? What we’re doing. It’s wrong.”

“How could it be fucking wrong when we both want it?” Negan wondered, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “Isn’t this what you want? What you’ve always wanted?”

“To have an affair with you while you’re still with Maggie?” she snorted, causing Negan to frown and fold his arms out in front of his chest. “There are some things that need to be worked out before we could ever be something. You were very anti cheating and now…”

“I just…” Negan started only to hear the knocking turn to rapid, continuous hits that was having the door shaking. “What the fuck?”

Heading for the door, Negan reached for the knob and pulled it open angrily, “Whatever the fuck you want I promise we don’t want it…”

It was in that moment Negan came face to face with Daryl who was holding a few bags in his hands staring out at Negan with his cold, blue eyed stare. They both knew each other and they knew each other well. Especially since they were both a big part of Y/N’s life. And neither one liked each other all that much.

“Daryl,” she breathed out his name with a shirtless Negan standing before him at the door. Looking to the clock on the wall, she shook her head and sighed. Why was everyone suddenly showing up so damn late? “What are you doing here?”

“I figured you didn’t eat since you weren’t texting me back,” Daryl lifted the bags that he was holding giving them a small wiggle. “Since neither of us sleep much, I figured I would stop by like you did the other night and bring you something to eat.”

“At three in the morning?” Negan scoffed with Daryl pushing through into the apartment toward the kitchen area. There wasn’t a care in the world that Daryl had right now interrupting the two of them. And he was making that clear. Which infuriated Negan who stood at the door tense as can be. “Excuse me, we were in the middle of something here.”

“Were you?” Daryl simply asked looking between the two of them. Setting some of the things out on her counter, Daryl brought his fingers up to his lips to suck at them. Shrugging his shoulders, he took note of the fact that Negan was half naked. But he didn’t say anything. Just acted like everything was completely normal. “What are you doing here anyway? Don’t you have a child at home? Jordyn is too young to be left alone.”

“Maggie is there,” Negan answered with Daryl smirking and moving back around the counter toward them in the living room.

“Like I said, leaving her alone isn’t smart,” Daryl gazed upon Negan who was still breathing loudly, his eyes locking with Y/N who was standing a good distance away from the both of them trying to catch her breath. Bringing his attention back to Negan, Daryl circled his finger around Negan’s torso area. “What happened to your shirt?”

“I lost it,” Negan snorted with a roll of his eyes heading over toward his shirt that was still on the floor. Snatching it, Negan haphazardly tugged it back on. Displeasure flooded Negan’s features with his hands settling in at his hips. By his body language, he was angry and he wasn’t hiding it.

“Do you need something cold for that?” Daryl slurred getting Negan’s eyebrows to furrow and his head to tip to the side. Pointing toward the evident tent in Negan’s pajama pants had red flooding into Negan’s face. Reaching for the pillow that was on the couch, Negan placed it in front of himself. “Don’t you have to leave?”

“Daryl,” she snapped at her friend causing him to dramatically shrug and move back toward the kitchen. Daryl was going out of his way to be a shit to get Negan even more upset about things.

“He’s right,” Negan swallowed down hard looking upon her with a saddened expression. “I shouldn’t have left Jordyn alone. But the two of us need to talk. About…us…”

“Sounds serious,” Daryl spoke up with a mouthful of something getting an immediate glare from Negan having Negan’s dimples becoming extremely prominent. It looked like Negan wanted to kill Daryl in that moment. Daryl was playing oblivious to things, but she knew he was just doing it to be an ass to get under Negan’s skin.

“Daryl!” she repeated his name with Daryl throwing his hands up in the air again.

“We’ll talk later,” Negan stepped forward, lowering down to press a quick kiss against the side of her face. Even him doing that felt wrong. There was a sense of affection in the way that he kissed her face that shouldn’t have been there if he was with Maggie. “I’m sorry.”

“It was nice seeing you,” Daryl called out, wiggling his fingers about. It had Negan stopping and looking back over his shoulder at Daryl with his cold hazel eyed stare. By now? She was surprised Daryl hadn’t started a fight. Tossing the pillow back onto the couch, Negan reached for his boots and stumbled to pull them back on. By the time he got his jacket on, Negan headed for the door, but stopped. It looked like he was considering saying something else, but he just shook his head and left, leaving her alone with Daryl. Once she knew they were finally alone, she looked to Daryl shooting him a glare herself with the way he acted. “What?! I was being nice!”

Heading over toward the couch, she dropped down on top of it and buried her head into her hand, “Personally? I think you should be thanking me. Cus I stopped whatever sex the two of you were about to have. And you would have regretted it if I didn’t.”

“I know,” she agreed with Daryl who looked surprised when he dropped down on the couch beside her. “You’re absolutely right.”

“I am?” Daryl replied showing her that he didn’t even think she would agree with his comment. “You’re not angry?”

“At myself. Not you,” she confessed, her breathing still uneven with her body aching in the worst of ways. Huffing out, she felt Daryl’s hand placing in over her head and she gave him an awkward glance. “What the hell?”

“Just making sure you don’t have a fever or nothin’,” Daryl explained, pulling his hand back and rubbing at his thighs. “Since I just stopped you from having sex with the man of your dreams. He was walking around with a raging boner. I thought you’d be furious.”

“I’m not,” there was a warmth that flooded into her face with how embarrassed she was over this whole thing. Right now she was upset and it was probably a good thing that Daryl showed up, but she didn’t really want to admit what happened or talk to Daryl about it. “It shouldn’t have happened anyways.”

“You okay?” Daryl’s nose wrinkled, scoffing in the process. “I really thought you’d be throwing things at me.”

“Daryl…” she repeated his name, forcing herself to look away from him. Truthfully? Her body was screaming. More than anything it wanted Negan, it wanted to keep having sex with Negan. But her mind kept thinking about Maggie. Maggie went after Negan knowing that she was head over heels in love with him, but Negan wasn’t dating her. She started having sex with Negan knowing that he was dating Maggie. And she was furious with Maggie for cheating on Negan with Guy. “I don’t know why I let things get that far.”

“Cus you were always obsessed with that asshole,” Daryl scoffed, getting comfortable and stretching out his legs while he sat beside her on the couch. “The guy smiles and he just has you in the palm of his hand.”

“It’s a little more than that,” she reasoned with her friend, standing up from the couch and feeling her legs tremoring beneath her. Moving over toward the kitchen area, she grabbed herself a water. Looking out, she could see that Daryl’s head was turned watching her.

“Was it everything you ever hoped for?” Daryl felt like he was mocking her in that moment, but she couldn’t blame him. “Was his cock glorious and the moment you knew that he wanted to fuck you, you just creamed your panties.”

“Christ,” she muttered after taking a long sip of the water that she grabbed herself. Looking at the bags, she tipped her head to the side when she saw one of the things that was in them. Pulling out the box, she lifted it and saw Daryl grimace once he realized she grabbed the box of condoms that were there. “What were you planning?”

“I was horny and thought you might be again,” Daryl got up from the couch, shoving his hands into his pockets. Giving her a shrug, he bit down on his bottom lip and moved closer to the kitchen area of her apartment. After she tossed the box on the counter, he assumed that she wouldn’t be interested in that at all tonight. “Guess I was right.”

Bracing his hand on the counter, Daryl noticed the silence that was between them and cleared his throat. Heading over toward the corner of the kitchen, she rest herself back against it and she looked disappointed in herself.

“I really wanted him to have a small penis,” Daryl blurt out provoking her to spit out her water after she had taken another sip of it. Involuntarily she laughed with how dramatically Daryl said that. “All that arrogance and being blessed with a big dick. It’s not right.”

“What are you complaining about? It’s not like you are a lacking. At all,” she reminded Daryl who simply tipped his head from side to side. “And it’s not about dick size with Negan. I wouldn’t have cared what size it was.”

“You’d be disappointed if he had a baby penis,” Daryl insisted, leaning forward eliciting another laugh from her again. “I’m right. You know that.”

“Can we talk about something other than Negan and his penis?” she asked of Daryl having him shrug dramatically and then reach for the bag of food that he brought for them to start opening it up. “Thank you for coming over with food.”

“Well, someone has to feed you,” Daryl pointed out, dropping what looked to be noodles into his mouth and chewing loudly. Gazing around her apartment, Daryl grunted noticing that she had gone a bit overboard with the decorations. “You’re barely home. Why do you have so many lights?”

“It helps relax me,” she suggested, liking the setting that it gave her apartment. It felt more magical than just being the bare, plain apartment that she was used to.

“Being here reminds me we don’t spend a lotta time at your apartment,” Daryl swallowed down what he had in his mouth and turned to face her again. Through the years they knew each other, it was mostly his place that they were always at. Unless she had Jordyn, then it would be occasionally spent at her place. “Why is that?”

“Because I want to escape my life most of the time,” she noted, setting her water bottle down and moving across the room to the side of the counter opposite of him. “Being at your apartment gives me a different environment.”

“So…” Daryl went to reach for more of the noodles and she swatted at his hand. Grabbing a fork, she handed it over to him making him roll his eyes. Using the fork like she wanted of him, he tipped his head back and dramatically ate the mouthful of food that he grabbed. “Do you wanna go back to my apartment and have sex?”

“Daryl!” she raised her voice with his blue eyes getting big like he didn’t understand where all the excitement was coming from. “I don’t think I should be having sex right now. My body needs to chill out. And I would love to relax instead with you. We can eat, sit down and watch some movies.”

“Boring,” Daryl frowned with her reaching out to shove into his shoulder. A muted laugh escaped him as he moved around the counter to get himself a plate from her cabinets and one for her as well. “I can do that. As long as I get to pick the movie. I ain’t watching no romance films. Or any of those cheesy Christmas movies.”

“Deal,” she agreed, thankful that Daryl was there, but was still ill at ease.

Part of her wondered if Daryl was more upset with her than he was allowing her to see. Truthfully? She told him about what happened at work and how she was tired, but she left out the Negan parts. And she felt like there was a reason for that. Now he knew something was going on between her and Negan.  Yet he was more so joking about it. Daryl and her had always been friends. Well, a little bit more than friends, but nothing beyond that.

Right now she didn’t want to overthink things though. Daryl seemed fine and after all the stress she had been dealing with over the last few days, she just wanted to relax. Spending the rest of her night hanging out with Daryl watching movies sounded better than anything else she could have considered. And that was the honest truth. Really she just needed time to let her emotions die down so she could think clearly. Before she fucked her life up completely and became someone she hardly even knew.

----

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[passionatelyxlust]

Yes, Gluttony would tell him the same thing, convincing his brother that what happened with their King wasn't his fault when no amount of comforting will diminish shifting the blame unto himself. If he grabbed what precious family he held dear and hauled ass straight to the farmhouse with Azriel in tow, Gluttony and Josephine would not be suffering so profusely. The nightmares wouldn't be playing in their minds every single night, the mansion's interior untouched by the disarray, the time spent away would be almost like a vacation. However, Lust rationalized how many things could go wrong in that scenario. The wards don't hold up, the King slipped through into the mind of anyone, perhaps the presence of two princes are difficult to conceal from being tracked. All the male knew is a decision teetering on rushing back home and being with his brother so Gluttony had another support system advocate. Really, the minute he witnessed the state of the mansion pulled him closer and closer to that option. "He will never stop taking the brunt for me." Lust gave his brother one last yearning glance before watching the wisps of darkness emitted by Gluttony's nightmares wrapped themselves around the dream witch's hand and engulfing them both directly into the other prince's mind. A swirling burst of destructive wind seemed to tunnel around the pair as they stepped through, Lust feeling the tightness of Azriel's strong grip cling to him and providing a reminder for what the other instructed. Do not let go.

Azriel's magic progressed an ebb and flow that vanquished the events occurring in Gluttony's dream, offering the Prince mere glimpses of what his brother's deepest and darkest fears presented. He could feel the despair in the atmosphere without fully seeing the contents from the nightmare itself. It is a curious philosophical question, wasn't it? What could a crowned demon Prince of Hell ever fear when he possessed the honor of a royal? A soulless being having nightmares proved that maybe...he and his brothers were not so soulless after all. The King seriously underestimated the expectation his sons had the ability to connect on a personal level that drew them closer together instead of carrying a competitive nature vying for their master's acceptance. Lust didn't hold the closest relationship with a majority of his brothers apart from Gluttony. They were two peas in a pod, gossiping days away, and placing their lives on the line for each other. He wasn't exaggerating to Azriel how Gluts took the blows wherever they were shot from, his brother somehow feeling the need protecting him at all costs. Sure, Lust portrayed over-confident arrogance, but mentally, he was damaged. Sensitive. Experiencing emotions and having to conceal them on a more heightened level. "I'm actually here, brother." The minute his eyes found his brother's and Az released his grasp as permission that it was safe, Lust immediately closed the distance between them and dropped to his knees, throwing his arms around Gluttony in a hug he was too afraid to release the man from. He remained that way for a long moment, savoring the embrace, before finally pulling away. "My corporeal form is here actually, thanks to Az, but it's me." Lust's gaze scanned Gluttony's face, taking in the state of him. "Gluts, what the hell happened while I was gone? The mansion looks like it hasn't been cleaned in weeks. And Kai's here too?" He glanced over at Azriel and back at the prince, attempting a smile, "I see you found my replacement already."

The witch responded to Lust's question with a shrug. Could Azriel have speculated every possibility that brought his brother to be in the mansion that housed two Princes? Yes, but the reality was that this trip wasn't for him. Confirming that his brother was alive was good enough for him, he knew he could always get answers from his brother directly. Az's eyes flicked to Lust as the prince took in the state of the surroundings, feeling the sadness rolling off of him in waves, and he knew where his prince's head was going. It's what he, himself, would think if something happened to Kai. Something happening to Lust's closest brother and best friend shortly after disappearing after the resurgence of his King? It wasn't a coincidence. "This isn't your fault, Lust, and I'm sure Gluttony will tell you the same thing," the witch replied quietly before taking Lust's hand in his once again, his own eyes moving back to the sleeping prince before reaching out to the inky tendrils once more. The beckoning energy that clung to him while he was in the astral plane enveloped Azriel's hand, pulling him and his passenger into Gluttony's dream. In most dreams that Azriel went to, he was able to distinctly feel where he differed from the dream, untouched as a mere spectator. However, stepping into Gluttony's dream where a raging storm with the power of the strongest hurricane hit the witch like a ton of bricks, almost winding him completely which only caused him to tighten his grip on the Prince's hand. He knew it was merely because most of the minds he travelled in weren't as powerful as a Prince of Hell. Even when Azriel made a stand against the King, it was in Alexia's mind; he never would have stood a chance if it was reversed. Taking his free hand, Az willed his magic to flow through Gluttony's dream– attempting to find where the Prince's subconscious lay and quelling the dream.

Gluttony swam and swam but hardly could breach the surface of the waves he was trapped under for longer than a second before a tidal wave of black water brought him under again. Every time he went under, it was hard to feel what was up or down, his body spinning like it was trapped in a whirlpool. His lungs hurt from holding his breath, and the very moment he ever made it above, he could only drag in a ragged bit of breath, unable to scream for help. The thunderstorm raged above his head as he forced himself to the surface with his last burst of energy, hands flailing until they gained purchase on a drifting piece of debris where the Prince finally pulled himself to relative safety to assess the damage. At that moment, he realized that he wasn't wet or even damp, as one would expect when coming into contact with water. The black waters crashed violently against the driftwood, but Gluttony couldn't help his curiosity when he reached a hand out to cup the water. Bringing his hand closer to his face, he noticed it wasn't water but words. There were so many words that it only appeared to be liquid and one opaque unit. "What the hell," the prince ground out, shaking his hand to release the captured words into the void. He felt like Rose in the last few scenes of Titanic, but only if it were set in an abyss of alphabet soup with a raging storm overhead. He'd take the freezing waters any day if he could trade. A distant rumbling brought his vision to focus once more, the area darkening around him, which made him turn to see what had blocked out whatever light source there was, only to see a massive tidal wave headed his way. Gluttony crouched in on himself, bracing himself for the impact and subsequent fight for his life again... but it never came. Peeling his eyes open, he noticed that the debris he was clutched on and the endless black sea and tidal waves were gone. Burying his head in his hands as he knelt on the ground, Gluttony breathed for once, his mind at peace for a moment before he felt a presence. Opening his eyes once more, he looked up and saw the one person he'd wanted to see since he left. His brother, his best friend, his reason for fighting. The very reason why he'd felt like he had a gaping wound in his chest– Lust's absence was far worse than any fate he suffered at their King's hand. Gluttony's face scrunched up, emotion heavy in his throat causing his chin to wobble. His dark eyes darted between Lust and Azriel, and there was a tiny spark of hope in his chest, but he was so scared it was a dream; a worse nightmare than what he'd experienced already– a golden carrot on the end of a stick that was ever a torturous thing outside of his grasp. "Please... please tell me you're real and not a cruel figment of my imagination," the prince pleaded. Azriel looked towards Lust and released his Prince's hand, nodding towards Gluttony before backing away.

[blu3-ja3]

Hi! More context for my Cursed Gotham au! More specifically I was thinking of context for Jason and eventually the LoA and Talia. Eventually it led to all of this and I added more details to the Batfam timeline. There have been some changes to quite a few things like certain backstories and ages of certain characters.

So I was thinking that Thomas and Martha knew the Al Ghuls and were friends for a bit, Bruce and Talia both weren't born yet, maybe Martha and Mrs Al Ghul are pregnant together. Anyways during that time they make each other the godparents of their child, skip to them having a falling out because the Wayne's find out about Ra's hobby (League of Assassins).

So because there's paper work when the Wayne's are murdered little Bruce is sent to live with the Al Ghuls for a bit, like I'm thinking a year and a half because Gotham's justice systems are slow and Alfred is having trouble proving that the paperwork stating the Al Ghuls are the godparents of Bruce was nullified. So lil Bruce is trained to be Ras next in line, man's crazy and obsessed with immortality. Anyways lil Bruce just thinks he's being trained for self defense, so he can save people. Because if he could've done the thing he's seen the instructors do then maybe he could've saved his parents.

Alfred gets custody of lil Bruce and sees the kid really enjoys his martial arts. Alfred also sees how much lil Bruce hates being in the Wayne Manor and decides to take Bruce traveling to learn cool ass martial arts from different masters. Eventually when Bruce is a teen he goes back to Ras to finish his training, Bruce doesn't know that Ras is making him into a weapon. Mrs. Al Ghul is dead and Bruce doesn't know how. Talia and Bruce have a bit of a romance, nothing serious but the building bricks for their later relationship that leads to Damien's existence.

Bruce gets curious about Mrs Al Ghul's death and puts his detective skills to work and learns about some of Ras's plans. He learns of Ras making him into a weapon not the part of taking over Bruce's body. He also learns that Ras killed Talia's mother. Anyways Bruce gets pissed and is like nope I'm out, he tries to convince Talia to come with him. Talia refuses and they get into a big argument, they both say some hateful and horrible things before Bruce reveals Ras's hand in killing Talia's mom. Talia tells him she already knew and Bruce says that Talia is just like Ras before leaving.

When he's back in Gotham he's sad loner Bruce Wayne see Robert Patterson's Bats and becomes the vigilante. He gains a bit of a reputation for being extremely brutal and violent. Like I said originally Bruce didn't name himself, Gotham's people named him Batman. I'm thinking of a new reporter who writes articles talking about the local cryptid like being whose fighting crime. Like all the pictures are blurry as hell and all you can see are the squinting whites of his cowl or really blurry Batman shaped pictures of him flying across Gotham and kicking ass. Eventually as an off hand comment the writer calls him a bat man and the name sticks.

Bruce at like 16 is emancipated which officially makes him the CEO of Wayne Enterprise's and the owner of all his father's previous projects and money. Corruption has a chokehold in the business ranks due to a power vacuum. Bruce immediately starts rooting out corruption from Wayne Enterprises, initially wanting to fire everyone and start over completely. Alfred points out that if he does that he'll also fire the innocent people who had nothing to do with the corruption.

So begins Bruce's investigation of his own company, he notices that everyone is underestimating him. They think he's a stupid kid so he uses that to his advantage, he plays dumb for everyone including the media. 'I had no idea Mr. Kendall was embezzling from the company, I was going to give him a raise because if he needed more money then I'd like to pay him more but then Ms. Penelope told me where the money was going and showed me the ledgers, yes exactly... Hmm? Oh I found out because I was in his office looking for a pen, I saw the papers and didn't recognize them. Oh Ms. Sullen's front information just kinda showed up on my desk I hadn't a clue what she was doing!'

Bruce also set up the Wayne foundation to help with Gotham as much as possible; public housing, roads and parks, funding for schools, helping with health care. If Bruce can throw money to help fix a problem in Gotham he's doing it. Gotham loves their Loner, Emo, Socially Awkward Teenager, Golden Boy, Bruce Wayne and they'll defend him till the end. Like the one time a Metropolis reporter who had a live interview with a newly 17 years old Bruce and asked a rude as hell question that caused Bruce to freeze up a bit. The Daily Plant had to make a public apology to Bruce and fire the reporter.

Bruce also helps build and fund Arkham Asylum, in official interviews and outside of official interviews Bruce always has the same stance when keeping the Asylum up and running. That stance is that people deserve a chance to change, no matter how corrupt they think they are. Bruce makes a joke about Batman needing to go to Arkham, not for the vigilantism but for the fashion choices. I love the idea that Bruce Wayne has a bit of beef with Batman.

Bruce went to the Hailey's Circus and witnessed the death of the Flying Graysons, there's video of 18 year old Bruce Wayne running from his seat, jumping a barrier at the front, and quickly scooping up a little Dick Grayson from where he sat next to his parents bodies. In the video it shows Bruce holding the small boy and quickly making his way out of the tent with his butler/caretaker quickly following behind them. Gotham isn't at all surprised when the young man adopts Dick.

I think initially Bruce doesn't tell Dick about being Batman, like he's training Dick because it's a relatively healthy way of getting rid of all the anger the kid has. Bruce also takes the kid to therapy cause Bruce goes to therapy. I think little Dick knows Bruce has social anxiety and is immediately like Take me to all your public events! And Bruce does but is incredibly confused???

But it works well, when Dick feels Bruce getting too anxious about the crowd and attention Dick starts performing circus tricks. It takes all the attention away from Bruce and Dick is used to it, he loves the attention it reminds him of his parents in a way. It's their normal for a bit until one night Bruce as Batman is badly injured and stumbles back home only to collapse in a very visible place for little Dick to see. A Dick who's supposed to be in bed hours ago but couldn't find Bruce after a particularly bad nightmare. A Dick who sees his father figure bleeding out in front of him.

After Alfred saves him, Bruce has to explain to Dick why he kept it a secret for two years. Dick immediately is like I'm going with you, I'm helping you catch bad guys. Bruce is reluctant but concedes for only one case, that case being bringing in the killer of Dick's parents. A case that Bruce had been working on since that night, a crime lord by the name Tony Zuko came to the circus demanding protection money from the ring master who refused. As punishment Dick's parents were killed.

Que Dick making the Robin costume and demands no pants, he's a master manipulator and gets his way. Bruce is very hesitant about all the bright colors as well but Dick reassures him that if he can hide wearing this he can hide wearing anything. Bat doesn't immediately take Robin to find Tony, they kinda have a trial run for like a week. Bat sees that Robin is capable and proves himself to be able to hide well.

They eventually bring Tony to justice. Robin is a little menace that Gotham falls in love with and goons fear. Like I said Dick was the feral murderous Robin, goons can't hear a child's laughter without flinching and getting twitchy. Like Robin is as much as cryptid as Batman because no child can do the absolutely impossible stunts Robin performs on the regular. Not even Gotham's beloved Dick Greyson-Wayne, which starts Dick's public feud with Robin. Dick constantly "tries" to perform Robins tricks and fails, he even goes so far as to fake a broken bone after trying to do a trick at a Gala.

When Dick's like 11 Bruce helps form the Justice League, he begs to meet Superman. When Dick becomes 13 he finally gets to meet Superman, Dick also becomes the leader of the Teen Titans; Cyborg, Raven, Starfire, and Beast Boy. 3 years later Bruce stumbles across Jason Todd stealing the tires off the Batmobile (Dick called everything in the cave bat- as a joke which Bruce joined in on. It was a joke until Bats said Batcomputer in front of the JL and he just committed to the bit.) at first Bruce wasn't going to bring Jason into the vigilante side of everything.

Bruce didn't keep the secret as long as he did with Dick, after a month Dick let it slip accidentally. All three had a serious discussion that night at dinner. Dick wanted to become his own hero but didn't know who just yet. Bruce and Dick came up with the mantle of Red Robin as a temporary mantle until Dick figured out his path. Dick would stay as Robin during the months it would take to train Jason and then once Jason was ready they would exchange mantles.

They make a new robin suit for Jason because Jason is tiny, like he's severely malnourished. The new suit has shorts because Jason likes shorts and more pockets for snacks, Bruce also brings more snacks for patrols. Because Jason is smaller than Dick, Bruce gives Jason a boe staff. At 19 Red Robin helps Superman and Supes tells Dick about the Kryptonian superheroes. Dick becomes Nightwing in honor of Superman and Batman.

Robin at 12 saves a 5 year old Tim Drake from something minor, like baby genius Tim is trying to take pictures of the different species of nocturnal birds in Gotham. Baby Tim is on a roof trying to get closer to the edge with his camera and almost falls but Jason saves the kid. Que a very smart small child becoming absolutely obsessed with Robin and sneaks out to capture pictures of him, Nightwing and Batman. Jason helps form the Young Justice League; Mrs. Martian, Speedy, Kid Flash, and Aqua-Lad.

Two years later when Robin is 14 he's killed by the Joker, who beat the boy nearly to death before blowing up the building Jason was in. Before this Joker was getting increasingly deranged with his laughing gas and traps. Batman didn't notice mostly because he'd been able to cure the joker toxin and escape any trap before it was set off. Superman was off world when Bats called for him so it took a while to get back to earth.

When Superman arrived in Gotham he found Batman beating a nearly dead Joker on a live broadcast. After he had killed Robin, Joker decided to taunt Batman and try to lead him into a trap. Unbeknownst to Joker Batman was fully ready to kill him, Bruce was ready to break his one rule and then turn himself in. But Superman stopped him, he pulled the man away from the unconscious body. The last thing Gotham heard was the broken wail of Batman before the broadcast was cut off.

Joker was taken into custody and placed at Arkham until deemed mentally well. Gotham mourned the loss of the young Robin and kinda turned a blind eye to Batman's sudden increase in violence. A month later Bruce Wayne holds a closed casket funeral for his son Jason who died fighting illness. Jason is buried in the private Wayne plot at the graveyard next to Martha and Thomas Wayne. There is a memorial statue of Robin in the park.

A young Tim Drake tracks down Dick Grayson to Jump City and Titans towers. Tim begs the man to go back to being Robin. Dick refuses to go back, he's mourning his little brother and can't go back to vigilantism. Starfire has to remove Tim from the tower, Tim decides to become Robin himself. Tim sneaks into the batcave and is found by a very confused Alfred. Tim tells Alfred everything including knowing the secret identities of Batman.

Tim at 7 takes the mantle of Robin and does his best to prevent Bruce from killing criminals. Barbra Gordon becomes Batgirl to hopefully prevent Batman from accidentally killing someone in his violence. After a few months of Tim as Robin, Dick holds an intervention for Bruce with Alfred and Tim. They all managed to convince Bruce to take some time away from Gotham and go traveling. Dick promises to take on the mantle of Batman temporarily while Barbra continues being Batgirl and Tim continues being Robin.

Bruce first goes to travel around parts of India while there he meets with Talia again, they're both untrusting of each other until they realize it's a coincidence. They decided to travel India together and in the process have a relationship picking up where they left off as teens. They travel together for 3 months until they have another falling out, less intense as their last one and they both mutually agree to just be friends. Bruce learns Talia is trying to disassemble the LoA from the inside and he isn't happy about all the risks she's taking.

They split up and travel separately, Bruce continues his backpacking across the Eurasian continent. After another 3 months he returns to Gotham having figured his shit out and isn't violent. Dick is happy to give back the mantle of Batman back to Bruce and he becomes Nightwing again. Dick goes to Bludhaven and becomes their vigilante. Bruce and Tim run around and prevent crime until Joker breaks out of Arkham and kidnaps Robin.

Bruce is quick to notice Tim missing because Barbara is his babysitter and the Drake's had to leave for a business trip. Both Barbra and Bruce find Tim within two weeks of him being in Joker's and Harley's capture. Harley snaps a bit from all of Joker's torture and attacks Joker when he tries to harm Tim again. In the fight Joker throws an explosive at Batgirl that catches her off guard and paralyzed her. After Joker is placed in cuffs, Harley reveals that Joker was using Tim as a test experiment for his newest Joker Toxin.

The Drake's are contacted and told it would take time to create an antidote for the young boys. They relinquish their parental rights and vanish from the public eye, Bruce steps in and takes in Tim. It takes 4 months to find an antidote for Tim but there are still lingering effects on Tim from his time with Joker and Harley. So Tim is benched and helps Barbra create the Oracle system to help Batman while he's patrolling alone. Jim is only told the Barbra was Batgirl none of the others reveal themselves.

Stephanie Brown becomes Robin at 10 after she helps Batman take down her father. She stays in Gotham with her aunt and mom after convincing her mother to stay because she has friends here. Steph helps Cassandra and the two become inseparable, Bruce later adopts Cass who becomes Black Bat. Stephanie and Cass ran around together for a few years and attended school together.

Scarecrow releases a batch of fear toxin that was mixed with Joker's Laughing Gas, Duke's parents have an adverse reaction to the conditions and the current antidote doesn't work. Bruce takes in the young boy and covers all expenses to keep the Thomas parents safe until they can find a cure. When Duke was exposed to the Toxin his powers manifested, he and Bruce talked about Duke becoming the Signal.

Bruce and Selina begin their relationship as civilians, Harley and Ivy are released from Arkham and live normal lives in Gotham. Harley becomes a therapist for the Gotham vigilantes, Tim has recovered enough that he requested to become Robin again at 13. Stephanie gives the mantle to Tim and she becomes Spoiler.

Tim starts a new team of Teen Titans with Impulse and Wondergirl, their first mission causes them to accidentally stumble across the cloning facilities where Superboy Prime was being created. They release Kon and they form their team under the instruction of Nightwing and Starfire. Tim leads this team for multiple years and ends up in a relationship with Kon.

Talia is on the run from her father with Damien ending up in Gotham and comes across a freshly revived Jason, she doesn't know how he's back but she takes him in. She finds a second Lazarus pit under Gotham and puts Jason in for a short time. She continues with her plan and takes both Damien and Jason to Bruce. Talia explains to Bruce everything she knows including Ras's plans to steal Damien's body, she explains what she knows about Jason and how to help the catatonic man. She doesn't know how he came back but decided to help him by placing him into the pit.

Bruce takes in both boys and offers refuge for Talia which she denies. It takes months for Jason to have some semblance of normal again, not enough for him to go out patrolling but enough that he's helping Oracle from the Batcomputer. He's still dealing with a little bit of pit madness but not as severe, he's being helped by Roy and his daughter.

After a few months Tim passes the mantle of Robin to Damien and becomes Red Robin until he figures out his own vigilante name. Damien meets Jonathan Kent and they become the superson together, Jon helping curve some of Damien's awkwardness from being raised by multiple assassins. Cassandra also helps because she gets what Damien went through.

Damien is the first introduced to the public and when Jason is ready Bruce makes a story claiming Jason was in witness protection services because he saw the death of Robin. Gotham is so excited to have the boy back as well as the newest Wayne.

So the current Wayne Family is Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, Cass, Duke, and Damien. Steph has her own family and so does Barbara.

The romantic relationships for everyone are as follows:

Bruce and Selina

Dick and Kori

Jason and Roy

Tim and Kon

Cass and Steph

[utopia-and-broken-cynics]

So. Since you've properly read Pinocchio now. What are your thoughts on how the book was adapted into Cedar and her dad in EAH

I need everyone to look me dead in my eyes, okay? I love Ever After High. I love Pinocchio. 

No matter what I say later, you have to remember I love Ever After High, okay? Got that? Good. 

That being said, Pinocchio and Cedar in EAH don’t really seem to be based on the book, as much as the Disney movie (I know, I know, booo and all that), in the way that most modern adaptations of Pinocchio are based on the Disney movie. Cultural phenomena and all that.

I would like to break down some points of Pinocchio, link them back to Ever After High, and then explain what this means to me later. Okay? Let’s go!

[Please note that I make points in the order they came to me and NOT in the order of how they reference each other. This isn’t a professional essay, and nobody is allowed to grade me. Also, this is purely from memory, so if I’m wrong, I’m wrong.]

What it means to be good (obedience, honesty, school/hard work)

The story of Pinocchio deals a lot with what it means to be good, a concept that does mostly carry over. Usually, good means honest, right?

Being good in the book means a lot of things. Pinocchio is often scolded and punished for being lazy, for being disobedient, and, yes, for being dishonest. He’s a complainer, he’s greedy, he wants to get rich fast without doing any of the work, and he loathes the idea of going to school. Classic little kid things, really.

School is the biggest one. As soon as Pinocchio is up and moving (and, y’know, after Geppetto gets out of prison— long story—), he is told he has to go to school. And he immediately, and I do mean immediately, skips. He sells his school book to go to a puppet show.

Later in the book, the reason the Blue Fairy plans to make Pinocchio human is because he did well and was diligent in school for a good part of the year.

Hard work is also a big one. After Pinocchio and Romeo get turned into donkeys, Pinocchio is sold to the circus, and is forced to do tricks and stuff to earn his food.

In the very end, to show he is good, and ultimately deserving of being real, he does hard work to earn money for his ailing father, and the Blue Fairy once he becomes aware of her being in a poor state. He grows from being an undeniably bad child, to being a good one.

Pinocchio lies to get out of trouble, more often than not. He lies to the Blue Fairy about being sick, about what happened with the Fox and Cat to get him hung from a tree, and about skipping school. 

And eventually, he just. Stops. He must have figured it was more harm than it was worth.

Blue Fairy

The Blue Fairy is a pretty big part of the book, something not reflected in EAH.

She starts off in a little sister role, getting Pinocchio brought down from where he’s been hung from a tree. Then he gets out of jail (long story) and finds out she is dead.

Then she comes back, transitioning into a mother role as Geppetto has had an… unfortunate accident at sea. The Blue Fairy is a fairly forgiving figure in Pinocchio’s life, giving him numerous opportunities to prove he is good, and that he is worthy of being human.

The Blue Fairy is so so so patient with Pinocchio, and sometimes he doesn’t deserve it. And I love her for it.

All that being said, Farrah should have been way more important and involved in Cedar’s life, ESPECIALLY since Cedar has already lost a Blue Fairy.

 Do you think I forgot?! Hell no! Did y’all forget that Cedar’s Blue Fairy went poof?

Considering how important the Blue Fairy is to Pinocchio (how they live together for a good while before the Donkey-ing, how quickly he mourns her), there is no doubt in my mind that Cedar’s Blue Fairy was very important to her.

We don’t know how she felt about the poofing, and we don’t know how their interactions went pre-poofing.

But this is about Farrah.

If Farrah is truly gonna take on the Blue Fairy role, they would have to do more than just say it. Let them hang out in the background, let them talk a couple of times.

I just think they should have been more of a Thing, y’know? The Blue Fairy is too important to the story for Farrah taking over to not be a Certified Big Deal.

Danger

According to my partner @the-lavender-creator and my good buddy @rarepairqueenmochi, the fox and the cat that appear in Darling’s horse’s tragic backstory would hang a child if it made them money. I would like to believe that it’s a point towards the fox and cat being very similar to their book counterparts.

Which means that maybe all the other super dangerous stuff that happens in Pinocchio could also happen in the Ever After High Universe. For example, Pinocchio almost gets battered and pan-fried at some point, could that happen in EAH?

What about the hanging? What about when the Black cat tries to stab Pinocchio? When he spends a little time drowning as a donkey?

I don’t know, and you don’t either. Moving on.

Pinocchio as a Character

Pinocchio starts off the story as a sort of gullible miscreant. He gets warned by numerous characters that “if you do this, things will go wrong” and he does it in spite of them. For goodness sake, he kills the Talking Cricket with a hammer because the cricket calls him an idiot for thinking he can lounge around and have fun all day. (The cricket kinda deserved it, tbf. Don’t call him an idiot. That’s a kid.)

Pinocchio is also (sort of) a sweet boy. He wants to do the right thing, but he also wants to do the easy thing, the fun thing. 

Why go straight home to his father with five gold coins and go to school the next day like a good boy, when he can go with these two people he just met and make way more money really easily?

Why go home to the Blue Fairy when Romeo’s promising him endless fun?

What you have to remember is that during the story, Pinocchio is (to my knowledge) between the ages of 6 to 10, and it shows.

We don’t know a lot about Pinocchio in EAH, unfortunately. We know he was friends with King Charming and Goldilocks in high school, and that he’s notably a wooden boy still.

I don’t think teenagers can really go through the plot of Pinocchio (not saying that teenagers can’t make the decisions he does, just that they are older, more informed, and likely more cautious. It takes more effort to get a teenager to bury money in the hope that it’ll grow a tree, for example.), but that’s just me.

Cedar as Pinocchio

Cedar is not a gullible miscreant. Cedar loves her father too much to sentence him to two years in a stomach.

Cedar Wood wants more than ever to be human, and able to lie. I love her so much; she would never recover from going through book Pinocchio’s shenanigans. If we assume that the Legacy system will go through the same beats and lessons, despite prior personality and values, then she’s, quite frankly, fucked.

Cedar doesn’t need to learn the lessons book Pinocchio, or even Disney Pinocchio needed to learn, about honesty, hard work, and accountability.

Maybe she can learn about the divide between wisdom and age, which would lend itself well to the whole Rebel cause that Cedar aligns herself with. Being that she’s willing to call out Milton Grimm for lying, though, she probably doesn’t need to learn that one either.

—

Okay, now that I’ve gotten all of that out of my system, let’s talk about what that all means.

Nothing, really.

Ever After High, for better or worse, doesn’t dig into the fairytale theme as much as it could. This means that we never get a full picture of the exact version of the story most characters are being prodded towards. They mention that the stories have changed over time, but how.

Cedar and the story of Pinocchio are no exceptions. Many of the details can be inferred, but many are just hopeful guesses on my part. 

However, while trying to tell a story about Legacy, they could have utilized elements of the story to add a little specificity to the nuances of Cedar advocating for choice.

It would make sense, given how the story of Pinocchio goes, that she wouldn’t want to go through with it, but she has to to get to the ending. The happy ending probably cancels out all the stuff she has to go through in everyone’s eyes, but it doesn’t to me.

Cedar will make choices that go directly against her personality, against her and her father’s wellbeings, and she will have to be okay with that when she becomes human. How does that make her feel as she heads towards her story? How does that make her feel as her friends choose not to follow their destinies? Does she decide to change how the story goes?

TLDR; it was adapted fine. I personally wish we had more Pinocchio themes and aspects referenced and mentioned by Cedar and her father, but considering how little Cedar is the main focus/a major character, I probably shouldn’t be picky. I’m just happy she was on screen/on the page.

[torchickentacos]

i will always shout praises of bi4bi but given recent discourse I feel the need to say that I love bi4het too! I just love bisexuality in general in its many forms, and anyone who only likes it when it's 'queer enough' for them is biphobic. Bisexuals should be able to bring their LaMe CiShEt BoYfRiEnD to pride without being made to feel like spectators and outsiders to their own event.

[invasive]

Under a read more since this is kind of a story lol

Forcefully took up sewing since I urgently had to mend a DEAR treasure (2 of them) after an accident. It happened so soon after New Years I was thinking "what a terrible way to start this year!... uuuuuuu....uuuu...." and I tossed and turned all night. Cried. I furrowed my brow and thought about rolling over and just taking the loss. But impulsively I steeled myself and thought Hell No! I was experiencing despair and waded my way through it but I wouldn't let it become loss.

I resolved to go to the only fabric store I knew of to find replacement fabric and matching thread the next day. The train ride was nice. I felt so purposeful lol. A very rare occurrence in my life. I watched maybe 30 seconds of a video telling me how to sew and went WHATEVER! and went at it on some tests for 2 hours. Don't advise that but I was stressed haha. The tests weren't that good but they were good enough. I got the hang of things.

Took me about 2 nights to finish mending the first item. The fabric matched really well in color and texture so the fact my sewing was shoddy didn't show as much as I thought it would. I was satisfied. The next item.... took 4..... all nighters... it doesn't sound like much writing it down but I experienced so much frustration. Probably more frustration than I've felt in 3 years since I haven't picked up any new skills or hobbies in that time. I was just an observer before. It was so grueling.

But I surprised myself! The reason it was grueling was because I kept aiming for something better. I redid sections so many times and approached it from 4-5 different angles even if it undid hours on hours of work. The patching fabric for the second item didn't match as well (totally different material, texture, and thickness) and ended up being more decorative. I encountered new problems I didn't previously account for. I had to worm my way around a lot! And it was not fun. But my will was something that strangely surprised me. I would finish a section, look at it, and go "I won't settle for that" then restart. Id go up halfway, realize I was doing something wrong, then restart. I'd realize there was a better way of doing something, restart. I think there were 3 times last night I decided I was done but realized I wanted to redo something and I worked for an additional hour every attempt.

Again It wasn't fun in the moment! But something in the back of my head was so very happy. I knew I would come out of this being proud of what I did. That Will I experienced was honestly something I thought had atrophied outside of art! And with digital art, problems are easy to solve. Undo, copy, paste, save states, etc. I'm not holding a needle with long nails and thread that I can barely see to solve I problem I don't know anything about.

Even if the actual display of skill is fledgling, the mental hurdles I overcame made the end product feel more rewarding. I did everything I could with my level of skill and prep. While doing something middling is better than not doing it at all, I got too used to that and just started aiming for mediocrity. So overcoming that has been so very rewarding. I can't say that enough.

I wondered if this was because I've been watching jojo... nearly all the characters carry themselves with so much purpose and determination, regardless of their role in the story. I can't lie, on the train ride there I was thinking about how certain characters would persevere in situations that devastate them..! I was like.. I should too...!!

It's so funny how an objectively small project became so important to me. I've built a little more respect for myself this year! I think that's a good way to start it off.

I feel really good about myself lately

[mars-ipan]

some postgame doodles for pride month

[crystalkitty1220]

Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN

[nabaath-areng]

Fuck Sweden as a nation for turning the woobification of our history and culture into one of our greatest exports, pretending to be wholesome and peaceful while profiting from conflicts elsewhere. For never having the fucking spine to take any stance ever and acting high and mighty for being "neutral", all while frothing at the mouth to get a piece of that colonial cake from the cool kids table where the superpowers are seated. For recognizing Palestine's sovereignty only to then consider a withdrawal of said recognition in response to the current genocide. For allowing islamophobia to get to the point it is now and then pointing fingers at jews as a whole. For giving less of a flying fuck about swedish jews during WW2 and until now, yet patting ourselves on the back and taking credit for heroic deeds done primarily by individuals.

I wish nothing but absolute hell and misery for Ulf Kristersson, who is even more spineless about his inaction than I thought possible. Who had nothing to say about the burnings of the torah and quran, only to claim that he stands for fighting antisemitism. Who puffed up his chest and was acting so tough about the things he would do once he became prime minister, only to hold up on none of his lofty promises in true conservative fashion. Both he and his lackeys (as well as their fanclubs of raging screaming bigots) deserve nothing but hurt and hell for continuing to destroy the lives of all marginalized groups in Sweden, all while shamelessly increasing their own salaries blatantly in the open, to then have the sheer and utter gut to declare that actively supporting genocide is within our best interests.

This country's audacity is one that only became possible because we sacrificed our neighbours safety for the sake of maintaining our own, because when your most recent war was in 1809 it's apparently not possible to even try and comprehend the horrors of modern warfare. That is, besides producing the tools for it to happen elsewhere.

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

What if I break my lease and move and change my name and everything about my life

[eccentriccryptid]

.

[butterflies-and-bumble-bees]

.😖😵‍💫.

[carsickcrow]

i’ve been constantly thinking about how i Need to start medically transitioning soon. and i was like. hey i had a draft where i said that basically. maybe i’ll post that now because i’m still thinking it and

novermebr…