#irl atsushi

[gekkaritsu]

Notes on Atsushi Nakajima’s childhood

There's something that has been irking me in the recently days and it comes from the interpretation that some people have about this quote: 

“Compared to what your parents did to you in your infancy, this doesn’t even count as violence”

I want to stick to what Asagiri mentioned in his last interview and I'd say that there is the possibility he  may indeed have read not just his works but he may have read about Nakajima Atsushi’s life and so the inspiration for Atsushi’s life in the orphanage and the quote may have a closer connection to irl Atsushi Nakajima’s early childhood. So, first I'd like to list a summary of some facts about Atsushi's childhood and relationships with his parents, and then moving on the possible connection to that specific quote.

About the author's childhood and teen days

He was 2 years when he was returned to the Nakajima family after his parents official divorce. He has no memory of his mother. In some of the old letters that narrate this episode of his life it's quoted that he whined "where did kaachan go?" 

He was raised in his early years by his grandmother, aunt, and cousins at his father's hometown. His father took care of him when Atsushi was 5 years old.

Atsushi lived with his father and two step mothers during his childhood, but he did not get along well with them.

During his childhood he moved constantly from cities, so this developed in him a lack of sense of nostalgia for his hometown.

Katsu Konya (his 1st step-mother) was a very strict woman, some memoirs of the author mentioned her tying him to a tree as punishment and that he did not received snacks from her but only a caramel. 

During his teen years he got beaten by his father due his rebellious behavior and despise towards his 2nd step-mother.

Some studies consider that not knowing his mother and the distance between him and his father caused Atsushi to grow distrustful of the world. This may be why Atsushi's written works showed a feeling of  "uncertainty of existence" too.

Personally, I believe that the quote is not trying to imply something grotesque per se. I'm aware there's a theory going around TikTok in which the interpretation of this quote has been twisted into something else, but skimming the manga and even watching the anime we get to watch the Headmaster constantly reminding Atsushi he is an abandoned child who may or may not be in fact thrown away by his parents and taken in by the orphanage’s staff,

When child Atsushi is seen crying in those flashbacks he is reminded that he has no rights for crying, because again, he has no parents who can be accountable of him

Some panels from the manga also show the Headmaster reminding him that he has no right of having belongings or a place in this world too, because according to the Headmaster he’s a forsaken child by everyone

Considering one more time the quote: "Compared to what your parents did to you in your infancy, this doesn’t even count as violence”, it feels more like a reminder (from the headmaster's perspective) that there's no other bigger act of abuse and violence towards an infant than "abandonment" from their one very own parents. They were supposed to provide infant Atsushi with a place to call home, love and care rather than just throwing him away in the garbage (as the Headmaster mentioned, but still nothing of that is completely confirmed tho).

Taking into account the author's childhood and going back to each time Atsushi remembers the orphanage and the Headmaster, it feels more like the last one justified the abuse imposed on Atsushi merely on the fact that nothing else can be worse than being thrown away and forsaken by those who brought him into the world. 

Asagiri Kafka commented in that new interview that he reads the written works from the authors as well as he takes inspiration from the authors themselves. As I see it, Asagiri experiments with the work and life of each author he included in bsd and he has this sort of "what ifs" so I don't doubt he has used some nuances of Nakajima Atsushi's life. This may be why he created a torturous past for the character by adding the coming up with the concept of an abandoned child Atsushi Nakajima, a little Atsushi who lived through hell at an orphanage that abused and neglected him based on irl Nakajima Atsushi's early childhood and teen years, where he was in a way abandoned by his mother after his parents's divorce, raised in a very strict environment by his first step-mother and living in a huge distant from his father.

I do recommend checking out the jp article for Nakajima-sensei in wikipedia as well as following the Nakajima Atsushi's Association profile in twitter and in note.

[scrimblyscrorblo]

Bsd and alcohol <33

[kaurwreck]

Atsushi canonically isn't kind by nature (see Wan ch. 19), but that's okay because you don't have to be motivated by kindness to choose kindness, which is why Atsushi is the narrative's beautiful princess with a disorder anyway.

[nyxi-pixie]

it is funny to me when people in the bsd fandom are super opposed to genderbending. lmao throws asgrs beast afterword at you. throws kouyou ozaki at you. throws kyouka izumi at you. throws h.g. wells at you.

[hesbianyaoi]

The Soukokus and the Four Symbols: Pt 1

STARTING OFF BY SAYING: This is just a fun connection/"theory" (if you would call it that) I made while reading BSD, so not everything will be connected exactly to the T. I just love mythology and Byakko has already been confirmed to be a celestial being thanks to chapter 119, so in any case, buckle up and enjoy my insanity.

WHO AND WHAT EXACTLY ARE THE FOUR SYMBOLS?

The Four Symbols—also known as the Four Guardians or the Four Gods—are constellations and mythological creatures in Chinese (and other countries in the Sinosphere) culture that are believed to be the protectors of the four cardinal points: the North, South, East and West.

They also had correspondence with the Five Phases (Wuxing), the philosophy that the fundamentals to the universe were composed of elements and their relationships to one another. These elements include nature, seasons, times of day, directions, and colors.

The Four Symbols are the Azure Dragon of the East, the White Tiger of the West, the Vermilion Bird of the South, and the Black Tortoise of the North.

Sound familiar?

It's like how Soukoku + Shin Soukoku is associated with the colors blue/red and black/white. This alone wouldn't be enough for me to make this entire thing such a big post in the first place, though; it's the very nature of everything else in Bungo Stray Dogs concerning the Soukoku's and the subtle symbolism they have connecting them to these divine beings.

For the sake of my own mind, we'll be discussing Shin Soukoku in this post, as they have the most relevance to the recent update and to their associated guardians/gods. Interesting since they create such a unique Singularity, right?

ATSUSHI: BYAKKO, THE GUARDIAN OF THE WEST

We have the most information about Byakko thus far, so it only seems fair to start off with her.

Byakko's associations with Wuxing include the color white, sunsets, autumn and its desolation, and the west itself. These are things Atsushi is commonly associated with, such as sunset/moon symbolism, how the sun sets in the west during the autumn equinox, even his joke title of the Wimp of The West in chapter 33.

Atsushi's white tiger is something we already know is highly sought after from all around the world, and we already know that the tiger itself is a "bookmark" to locate the book. The Book is obviously representative of something otherworldly, something as heavenly as its association with creation and life, and of course, Byakko is the literal guide to finding it. Because of course she is.

Byakko is more than just a white tiger; it is the embodiment of justice, protectiveness, and righteousness. It is the king of beasts and a capable warrior. She's more than just an ability (as we see in Dead Apple, alongside Rashōmōn, since they're the only two that take their own forms compared to everyone else's abilities being mirrors of themselves) as she resides inside of Atsushi's body as another physical being entirely.

Canonically, abilities are described as receiving their power by their user's souls, which is why an ability will disintegrate once their user dies.

But Byakko is not just Atsushi's ability; she is an entire being residing within him, two souls in one body. And not just any being, but a god.

It's also speculation on my part, but Byakko is often referred to as the "key" to finding The Book when in actuality, she's most likely protecting it. Fitting of the White Tiger's role as a guardian of justice and morality—if it fell into the wrong hands, balance would be broken.

AKUTAGAWA: GENBU, THE GUARDIAN OF THE NORTH

Also known as the Black Warrior of the North, as the character 武 translates to warrior/knight and is a much more faithful translation. Compared to Atsushi's more blatant connection to Byakko, Akutagawa's connection to Genbu relies more on subtlety, which I would say picked up during chapters 117.

His death, becoming a vampire, and the time spanning from his death until now could also count as a form of hibernation, given the fact tortoises hibernate and winter is the prime time for hibernation to occur, which aligns with Genbu's associations with Wuxing: the color black, winter and its frost, midnight (prime time for traditional vampires), and the north itself.

From the beginning, Akutagawa has always been associated with black as his signature color. Rashomon, his armor, is his protective "shell" like that of a tortoise. In the most literal sense, he is a warrior—a true knight, further emphasized by Bram's final wishes and desires to protect. It's also worth mentioning that the Tortoise is revered as a pillar of support during challenging times.

Honestly, need I say more?

Genbu is also associated with resilience, wisdom, and most importantly, immorality. The story of the Black Tortoise (Xuanwu) varies from legend to legend, but the general base for the story is the same: Xuanwu was once a mortal who achieved enlightenment and became immortal by pulling out his stomach and intestines, the last remains of his human parts. Once he pulls them out, they become demons, and he must subdue and tame them—quite literally overcoming his own sins.

In a twisted sense, Akutagawa's death was a form of enlightenment.

He dies believing that Dazai truly didn't abandon him, that this was all just a test, and thus he dies with a smile on his face. Now that Akutagawa is awake, he doesn't remember anything besides his knightly duties. It is a new beginning for him, one without the demons of his past weighing him down internally.

He is anew. He is enlightened.

SO, WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?

That's the thing. It could mean nothing at all except for speculation. It could mean something bigger in store for the future of the story. The point is that we don't know what could happen or what any of this could mean outside of correspondence with mythological archetypes. Regardless if this actually contributes anything to the plot, the similarities between Akutagawa-Atsushi and the White Tiger-Black Warrior were too fun to resist talking about, which brings up another point.

Byakko and Genbu, Baihu and Xuanwu, Atsushi and Akutagawa, the new Double Black. They all represent the same thing: balance.

The tiger is representative of its protectiveness and righteousness whilst the tortoise is associated with its wisdom and the strength of a warrior. All four guardians are responsible for the balance of the cosmos and nature itself, and for the Soukokus, it is the same.

The balance they fight to keep is not only between themselves and each other but for Yokohama, for the fabric of reality itself. (And it's something I want to go deeper into when I focus on Dazai & Chuuya next.)

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

Hello all. For the anniversary today, I decided to do something completely out of my comfort zone. I'll probably spend the rest of the day quietly grieving, but I'm a man of words, I wanted to express my gratitude.

I made a verrry bad guitar/singing cover of [die] on youtube. I hope next time I'll present to you something better. But I'm still proud, for even doing it.

I also wrote a very personal letter where I express my gratitude. I talk about stuff I've talked about here before, but today, I decided I'll share it with people who know me in real life too. I don't want to be ashamed of my love for Acchan when he completely changed my life.

I'll link the letter here:

I'll probably share the same on the official website, but make it way shorter and less personal.

I'll continue to cry and mourn, but I didn't want to avoid today. It's okay if you do! But this is the way how I cope with the pain.

Nevertheless, I wanted to make today into a day of gratitude besides mourning. Not only to Atsushi, but to all of you.

I'm incredibly thankful that I've joined this community, even if fairly late.

You all helped me so much, and I truly feel grateful to all of you. Thank you for spending sleepless nights with me crying and laughing, thank you for showing you care. Both non-mutuals and mutuals, I'm glad you are still here. 🤍

I hope we all can continue to support the boys, the 5 of them. 🤍

I wish to cherish these moments as long as I can, even with this lingering sadness.

Love you all, please take care of yourselves, rest a lot, and cry if needed. 🤍

[higherhell]

Atsushi in green and red (Jun 21, 2024 - POSCA acrylic on canvas)

While I've been off tumblr for the last couple weeks I started feverishly painting on tiny canvases with POSCAs. I've done like 8 so far and I'm kind of obsessed. This is the second biggest, so when I say tiny I do mean it. Maybe I'll keep working my way up until I'm painting on large enough scale to finally actually use the easel in my room. I don't know how well I've achieved a likeness here, but I do want to keep painting Atsushi. I don't know why, but it's been in my head that I need to paint him on canvas for weeks, if not months before this. Which is interesting because 95% of my output has been digital for probably the last decade. I'm grateful to him for the spark of inspiration to embrace something new I suppose.

[shig4dabi]

sskk Yuri on Ice AU ⛸️ !!

[ver w/o words/etc under the cut]

[briefpeachdinosaur]

Bsd Theories that I don’t believe

Discussing the "Naomi isn't real theory" and "dazai can't die".

Ppl who want to Baby atsushi.

Dazai and chuuya at 15.

Including: Naomi, Tanizaki, atsushi, chuuya and dazai.

I accidentally put this Clip here but I wanted smt else, how the hell do I remove it???

So I saw this theory that Naomi isn't a real person and Tanizaki created her with his ability.

But why would he create an illusion of her?

I read that it was because Naomi is death and he couldn’t handle it, so to not go insane he created the illusion of her.

I do get why people think that she isn't real but here is why I think she is real.

So first we should look into the work of the real Tanizaki Jun'ichirō: the irl Tanizaki published a book with the Titel "Naomi" Naomi was a character in the book, a very importierent one. The story basically follows Naomi and the main character who is a man (and I forgot his name) they met at a Restaurant (if I remember correctly) and Naomi is a waitress there, he falls inlove with her and they became boyfriend and girlfriend but to not be judged from others (bc they Aren't married and it was back in the day) they just said they are siblings but they are NOT siblings. I think in the book they also started to live togehter (again if I remember correctly).

In the book Kirako Haruno also Shows up who is also a character in bsd and is mostly known as Fukuzawas Assistent. In the book she is (again if I remember correctly) an stage actress.

So Haruno and Naomi are both not acual people who lived in real live but characters based on the work of Tanizaki.

(This is Haruno)

(Very cute and pretty)

It's normal in bsd that some of the characters Aren't inspired from real life and are characters from books from the irl authors. Or are ppl who had something to do with them.

So like I said the "Naomi isn't real theory" is a theory I don't really believe, why?

Well first of if Naomi was an Illusion created by his ability then why would he worry all the time about her ? You guys remember how he was ready to kill higuchi when she almost killed her? If she was truly just an illusion created by him then he would have known that she wouldn't die and she wouldn’t have been bleeding from her attack.

We also saw him being worried about her in season 4.

It's just like with Elis, when mori and Elis (whom is his ability) fighted with Fukuzawa and mori basically lost and Elis was disappearing he wasn't worried or something because he knew nothing would happend to her.

Or when he and Elis almost died in the car that was meant to kill them Elis saved him in time and he also didn't ask if she is alright he knew she was because she is his ability, so he naturally knows that she is alright.

But it was never like that with Jun'ichirō and Naomi. He was very often worried and she did things that suprised him like the time when Higuchi almost killed her he was taken aback.

While I do recognize that it also could be that he believe that so much that she is alive and well so he subconciously made her so "real" thats why she is injured sometimes.

I think they must have meet in school or a little before.

Asagiri properly wanted to add his work in this way and it was mostly meant to be a funny way to include the work of Tanizaki.

Was it really funny? Not really.

Is it a little strange that he did that like this? Yeah it is.

And also:

Jun'ichirō is obviously unconfortable with all the physical Touch Naomi gives him in public. He often tells her something like

"Naomi we're in public not now" and she dosen't really Listen to him. Which makes it even more uncomfortable to watch because he’s often very uncomfortable with it. She is definitely overstepping a boundary with that which isn’t okay. We always see her being very close or having her arms around him but that isn’t what he minds it’s that she is doing too much and also touching him too often on purpose to get this reaction of him being nervous.

I really don’t know why asagiri did that to Naomi.

However, we can clearly see that they both really care for each other (even though they can be very uncomfortable to watch).

I do admit its strange that she talks in 3 person but it’s only when she is with him.

I think both are very good characters but often a pain when they are together, separate from each other they are definitely more comfortable to watch not only because they aren’t touching each other but also because we get to see a very positive side on both of them and that they also care for there fellow friends around them.

Also in real life there was an actress for Naomi whom was Tanizakis sister in law.

What is funny is that the irl chuuya, at some point, fell in love with her and called her his Ideal wome in the poem he wrote about her.

Yep He even wrote a poem about her (thats kind of cute tbh)

So would Naomi be chuuyas ideal women in the bsd universe? Well... I don't know but I guess so.

I also wanted to say that I think It's pretty obvious that Tanizaki and Naomi Aren't siblings.

And I'm 100% sure that there not siblings.

BTW : The real Tanizaki was WILD he tried to rizz up his DAUGHTER IN LAW and he had a Sex game (I can't) with his sister in law ( Naomis actress) and his wife...

Also I don't think dazai can't die or that he is the book.

Listen if dazai was on that one Thing last year where some rich ppl tried to go to the Titanic I swear he would survived that somehow but I don't think he is unkillable.

When he was shoot by fyodors Assassine he was injured and could have died but fyodor didn't plan for dazai to Die, I think he knew atsushi was there to save him.

Also remember how chuuya shoot him in the shoulder? Well that was unplaned and he was really pissed (chuuya) so he took revenge so no, dazai also dosen't know "everything" and literlly not everything is in dazais "perfect plan" and chuuya could have acually died in the 'Prison break arc' when he and fyodor where " drowning " And I'm pretty sure that dazai didn't tell chuuya abt that, that he and fyodor will take a swim in that strange water they were in and yosano, kenji and Tanizaki could have died too while he was away (how did they even survived that long? I guess there plot armor is pretty good too)

If chuuya didn't pull that "one trick that they did all the time back then" with the gun shoot he could have really died so yeah.

And if chuuya really was a Vampire back then fyodor could have easily killed him tbh.(how did Dostoevsky didn't get that chuuya isn't a Vampire I thought he had an almost or same IQ as Ranpo ?)

And why I don't think he is the book or that he knows everything? Well in the one chapter where he found out about fyodor Dostoevskys Real ability he looked so suprised so if he knew about everything he would have know that all along.

(Dostoevsky that mother f**ker is the real unkillable man lol)

(I'm tired of hearing ppl say "it was dazais plan all along thats why they didn't die" like what-?😭🙏)

Anyway lets also talk about how the fandom wants to baby atsushi + the sexualisation of Chuuya and dazai when they were 15.

I think it’s SO problematic that the fandom is basiclly sexulaising chuuya and dazai when they are 15.

Sorry but if your older then 16 you shouldn't be thinking that when they where 15 that they where "hot" or whatever. Dazai is shown to be very unstable at 15 and chuuya dosen't even know who he is at 15 because he had zero memory's of his past.

Only after stormbringer he knew who he was and what happend to him and alot of traumatic stuff happend to him and by the way just bc you know your past dosen't mean you now know who you are.

He was 16 in stormbringer and still had to process what happend to him which was btw alot.

Remember the one Clip where he shot that guy and keep shooting even though he was already dead? Well, many find that hot.

However, dazai (in the anime) is speculated to have had a Breakdown and you can notice that when he said: this is more then you deserve

And his eyes where very dark in that moment and the artist of bsd herself said that the eyes are a reflection of there mental well being.

In the novel it was : what a luxury!

While shooting and is described to have a "bizzarly childlike" expression. So in the novel he knew what he was doing, if anything.

But I noticed that everbody is simping over that secne or using it to show how insane he can be or how his voice was so hot and all.

Guys please, if you take the Text with the acual context of the secne I feel like we get to know more about him.

Why is that such a Luxury for the dying man? Probably bc he wanted to be the dying man but that is just what I think.

Why is it more then he deserved? Probably because he was the one who wanted what he had and maybe because he thinks he deserved it.

I do have to say that bones made them look much older then 15.

It's like simping over kenji who is also 14. Thats just strange.

Kenji and kyoka acually look 13-15.

Both chuuya and dazai were at a bad place at 15, and sexualising them in Fan arts is not okay.

Both of them there past are very traumatic (if the bsd dazai had the same past as real dazais Osamus. The irl dazai (and chuuya too) had quit a traumatic up bringing that explained alot of there views in there work and lives but it would also explain why the bsd dazai is how he is)

It's the same when ppl who are older then 15-16 simp over Ranpo in his backstory Episode when he was like 14??

Anyways, what I also wanted to point out is that It's so SO weird that ppl want to BABY atsushi who is an 18 boy, okay he might be come across as naive but that dosen't mean he is stupid or acually naive.

It is the same with Armin of aot.

He had a VERY traumatic past (man literlly Has PTSD )and anyone who has been trough abuse is naturally a little more mature then ppl there age or knows how to take care of themselfs and while I do recognize that atsushi wants acuall love and affection from others I don't think making him seen like a Baby and wanting to Baby him is what he wants lol.

He isn't a Baby who can't take care of himself so why are yall acting Like he is?

Also atsushi is ruthless and he can be really mean.

All the ppl who say : atsushi would NEVER say anything mean!!!

Yeah he would never with YOU (🫵) but he would with akutagawa whom he lets his inner mean side out and is basiclly letting him 90% of there interactions very much known that he isn't quit found of him.

Anyways I hope you liked this Post and thankyou all so much for reading ❤️

❤️

[disabledstraydogs]

Headcanon about Lucy is that she loves horror movies and watches them with Anne before sleeping, her favourites are paranormal and supernatural based movies, especially found footage ones.

The issue is that these movies trigger her delusions and paranoia, Anne always tries to convince her not to watch the movies but she does anyway and often ends up phoning Atsushi and has him to stay on the phone and talk to her so she can sleep

[kyouka-supremacy]

you were taking about religious imagery in bsd. this is where taneda gets injured and the agency is framed, one of the more blatant examples

Thank youuuuu I really like this kind of religious imagery as a whole, and the composition of this frame in particular is so so cool. Have written a little about it here :)

[gekkaritsu]

Since it's Atsushi's birthday let's share some more facts about Nakajima-sensei's life I have learnt thanks to the wikipedia's article on Atsushi Nakajima (jap > eng translated, thankgoogle translate) and the Nakajima no Kai in Twitter/X.

Again, it's important to mention that the following facts are vaguely translated and I suggest not to take them too seriously. However, I still find them interesting to know so many of us can enrich our analyses on the bsd character and/or expand any sort of headcanons!

Background and Family:

1. Atsushi's biological mother was a former elementary school teacher. Her maiden name was Chiyo Okazaki. It is said that she may not have fit into the Nakajima family due them being centered more into the education of boys rather than girls, her intelligence and "aggressiveness" was not proper of housework (accordingly to the values at that time). She separated from Atsushi's father when he was around 1 year old. She later remarried and had a son (Yukio, Atsushi's half-brother)

2. Atsushi's father was Tabito Nakajima. He was a scholar in Chinese and Confucian studies. He treated Atsushi in a strange manner (he was very distant of him yet proud of his son). He remarried twice after divorcing Atsushi's mother.

3. Atsushi had 2 step-mothers: Katsu Konya (his 1st step-mother)and Kou Io (his 2nd step-mother).

4. He proposed to his wife with a simple "Be my wife". Funny part is that he proposed a week after meeting her.

Miscellaneous:

1. As a teacher at Yokohama Girls' High School, he taught Japanese and English. It is said he was rather strict but his classes were fun.

2. It is said that he did not like watermelons nor cucumbers, but he preferred persimmons.

3. Around 1937, he took part of the gardening club of his school. Some people said he got interested in this hobby due the early death of his daughter and his own deteriorating health.

4. His hobbies included ballroom dancing and gardening.

One more time, Happy Birthday to our beloved protagonist and Happy 115th Birthday to Atsushi-sensei.

[youroriginalsublimecupcakestuff]

Atsushi, smilling brightly and optimistically : "We're all gonna die anyways, what's a buttload of psychological trauma until then ?"

[kaurwreck]

pm!dazai didn't abuse akutagawa. he reacted proportionately to the threat akutagawa posed to himself.

when dazai smacks akutagawa around in canon, they're running drills. dazai is not hitting him in misdirected anger or because he is venting his own suffering on him. akutagawa does not instinctually protect himself. in his fits of hyperviolence, he seeks to kill and be killed, and nearly is in beast, and in the course of his initial pursuit of atsushi.

he does not have the reflex or will or instinct to defend himself, and he is slow because he is having to consciously process the effort. his automatic reflex is to attack, but that will not stop him from being shot or overwhelmed or blindsided.

what they are doing in those scenes, what dazai is uniquely able to practice with him since rashomon can't pierce him, is not unlike cognitive behavioral therapy interventions. akutagawa is wired such that when he is triggered, he develops tunnel vision, pressing forward relentlessly without registering danger or responding to negative stimuli. this is a pattern developed from when he deemed dearh inevitable, and one which is liable to get him killed regardless of whether he has a reason to live.

he needs to consciously retrain his instinctual response, and he has to consciously and consistently reinforce it against his existing, much quicker instinct. he has to do it before he has the conviction or will to do it. and he has to do it over and over again, even when it isn't immediately life or death, because the instinct is self reinforcing, and the pattern he is trying to supplant it with is not yet.

skills are part of their users' framework for responding to their environment. jun'ichiro is anxious, but he can hide within light snow. kunikida has his notebook, but it has rigid limitations that he adapts to, similarly to how he works within the limitations of reality to keep from becoming consumed by his ideals.

akutagawa's skill, meanwhile, is wildly fucking disproportionate to akutagawa's constitution which is a problem when akutagawa wont react defensively. akutagawa is canonically frail, chronically ill, thin, and short (he's 5'8", but asagiri insists he's itty bitty every time he describes him in prose). rashomon, meanwhile, is monstrously powerful and hungry. it lends a false sense of untouchable violence when akutagawa himself is weak, and also is just really difficult to focus and control such that using it brings akutagawa into coughing fits. rashomon is also terrifying even in visage; it invites others to react with violence proportionate to their terror against the spectre of rashomon — but akutagawa is small, sick, and human; what is proportionate to rashomon is IMMENSE overkill if aimed at akutagawa. which is especially egregious because akutagawa will let them.

in other words, when dazai meets akutagawa, rashomon is as dangerous to its user as to anyone else. skills should not get their users killed. dazai is right. it's a shit skill.

akutagawa is vulnerable and self-destructive, and he and dazai are working to rewire his instinctual evaluation of his stakes. even when dazai punches akutagawa after akutagawa kills the mimic soldier, it's not a random act of violence or unregulated anger. the mimic soldier was not going to lead them to gide, there was no reality where they restrained him before he bit his cyanide, and he'd attacked dazai. but instead of reacting defensively at the opportunity, akutagawa fell to the former instinct, leaving himself wide open.

dazai reacts how he does because:

they are supplanting an ingrained instinct that is self reinforcing, the correction needs to be consistent to change the pattern and the former instinct needs to be discouraged with the same severity as the threat it poses;

by punching akutagawa first, dazai gave him notice and time to consciously muster the defense reaction theyre working on;

akutagawa needs to build an association between the defensive reaction and the triggering stimulus for this to work;

the context in which this happens is the exact sort of threat that rashomon is then ill equipped to handle— gide can see into the future, like oda, and mimic are military trained gunmen.

when dazai tells akutagawa that he couldn't ever defeat oda, he's not taunting him, he's right. akutagawa is relying on swift killing blows, but against someone who can see into the future, akutagawa is as vulnerable as a baby. and then, shortly after, that's what happens: gide wrecks his shit and is about to murder him dead when oda swoops in to grab dazai's dumb horrible baby kouhai who's trying to kill himself with the ambitious gusto of a horse.

as long as akutagawa fails to seek self-preservation, he is remarkably vulnerable. he's weak, and he's going to get himself killed. dazai doesn't coddle him about it for the same reason fukuzawa slaps ranpo for scampering into a police car with a murderer. you dont get praise for self endangerment.

dazai is not going to affirm a version of akutagawa that is trying to kill the boy dazai promised to save.

***

(also, this explains why akutagawa hates taking baths and being without his coat. dazai tried to instill in akutagawa the vigilance to register danger. in his absence, akutagawa strove to be worthy of demanding his approval by diligently practicing. but he's dazai's dumb baby kouhai who. takes things too far lmao.)

[sskk-manifesto]

:)

[angelicxdisaster]

convo with @pixieinanotheruniverse

one trip to the mall and I realized I have been completely brainwashed to see little fictional gay men everywhere. I am no longer jade, I am only Bungo Stray Dogs