#internalised? internalized?

[fizz-pop-thwip]

Trans Sam headcannies blink blink batting eyelids (BC I don't talk abt the TRUTH enough)

Binders wouldn't have been super accessible in the 90s-00s so I imagine he used some less safe methods.

He'd bind for wayyy longer then he was ment to

If he was on a hunt he kinda didn't have many options

He'd sit on the bed finally when they got back to a motel and just breathe deep breaths for a while

His ribcage just perpetually hurt, he was used to it

He started T in college and got top surgery not long after

Dean had known about him being trans long before Sam left for college but he didn't really understand how serious Sam was about it until he came to get Sam to find his dad and 'oh my god that's a whole ass man'

Dean helped him cut his hair real short tho when they were young

John was not very impressed when that happened

John didn't know until they saw eachother post college

John didn't really get it. He was a very 'your ruining your body' type dad but honestly I think he would have had bigger problems on his mind to make a big fuss out of it (John winchester makes a big fuss out of everything so maybe more, he wouldn't make a MASSIVE fuss)

Sam was disappointed about his dad's lack of support but it was expected

Dean was very impressed by the top surgery job. Actually, considering he had never even seen one before, he was probably amazed.

Sam used to do research about what a trans person was in libraries on the computers

Most of his gender envy (/jealousy?) would have come from dean

Sam didn't really realise till he hit his pre-teen years

But he only found a name for how he felt at like 13-14

He told Dean about a year later

"I don't really understand much of what your saying, but if that's how you feel I just want to know that if that's what makes you happy.. I can get behind that, okay?" -Dean

Sam didn't cry but he gave Dean a massive hug. Emphasis on DID NOT cry those little water marks on Dean's shirt must've already been there.

Sam could only get so much from the internet so when he met another trans guy at college he was super excited and was able to learn a lot

He hated it when the showers in motels had mirrors right across from them

He'd leave the fan off intentionally so the mirror would fog up

[deadeyedfae]

Interalised Transphobia

[boimgfrog]

it's always "autism acceptance" until the autistic person is weird, or fat, or a man, or has poor hygiene, or a POC, or makes unfunny jokes, or isn't a cute feminine gay, or is actually bad at communicating, or needs to have things explained to them, or is too loud, or too quiet, or needs to be told something multiple times to understand it, or has mannerisms that make people stare at them, or, or, or, etc. if you would show patience to the cute autistic girl who collects plushies and stims by flapping her hands then you MUST show equal patience to the large autistic boy who stims by humming or hitting his head and worms underwater welding into every conversation. I am no longer asking. your acceptance cannot begin and end with people you deem palatable.

[cephalofrog]

hades 2 spoilers below the cut. rambling about a post-final boss piece of dialogue

this is such an interesting line and it makes mel's character SO good to me

like. her entire life was marked by the tragedy that took place when she was too young to remember, and from the moment it happened it was expected that she would be fully dedicated to making it right, because that was her family that was taken. that was the mother and father and brother that, if they'd had the chance to raise her, she would love more than the world itself. she should want them back more than anything.

but, the thing is? she has other love. she has hecate and the other people in the crossroads. she can't miss the love that she didn't have from her family because it never happened - and yet, her entire life from the moment chronos took them, she was expected to be so angry and stricken with grief over it that she would be willing to dedicate her entire life to killing him.

because that's what she should be doing with all of that anger and loss - it should fuel her to kill chronos. that's her goal. that's what she has been training for her entire life.

mel is a good person - she does want her family back. she meets her father for the first time and it's a deeply emotional moment for her. it's important to note that she doesn't actually mean what she says here. but she's been expected to be motivated by loving them so much that ever expressing that she doesn't actually love them as much as she's supposed to has never been an option. nemesis tells her that she isn't fully motivated by loving them in order to hurt her - and it hurts her because it's true (at least to a degree that she finds unacceptable within herself).

and when she gets that crucial step closer to achieving her goal - death to chronos, and here he is, about to die - he asks her to hypothetically pick between not achieving that goal, and potentially doing harm to the family that she is meant to love than anything...

and the motivation to kill him, the thing that has been drilled into her over and over, the first line that you hear her speak when you start the game - that is what wins.

[czech-hunter-reject]

Well, well, well....... 🤡

EDIT: I should have known better than to blindly trust a screenshot I found on twitter, please reblog with this addition

[nando161mando]

how to know you've internalized capitalism

[ickypuppi3]

steve being overly tactile with billy when they become friends. slinging an arm around billy’s shoulder’s while they’re watching a movie. putting his hands on billy’s waist to move past him. tucking billy’s hair behind his ear to look at his earring. slipping a finger through the loop of billy’s jeans to tug him closer. grabbing billy’s chin to tilt his head because oh, you have freckles..

steve telling himself that sure he touches billy a lot but. he’s always been a touchy guy. it doesn’t mean anything.

steve not accepting that he has a crush on billy and that’s the reason he can’t keep his hands to himself.

because obviously steve isn’t a queer.

as if.

billy being simultaneously overwhelmed with and loving all the attention. because it’s steve. steve pressing his face into billy’s neck when they’re high. pulling billy’s hand close to play with his ring. running his hand over billy’s stomach when they pass out in the same bed and he thinks billy’s still asleep. tracing circles around billy’s ankle as he listens to billy read.

because it’s steve. steve who billy’s had a thing for since he arrived in hawkins. steve who can’t like billy like that. steve who isn’t like billy. steve who likes girls.

steve who called byers a queer.

billy wondering if this is just what it’s like to have a friend. a best friend. if this is just what you do. because billy doesn’t know. wouldn’t know. no one’s ever gotten close enough. billy thinking it’s all in his head. that he’s twisting his and steve’s relationship. making it into something it’s not.

steve staring at billy’s lips and wondering what it’d be like to touch them. billy wondering if steve’s gonna break his heart without even trying.

[konzilijum]

sneak peak into...

FIRST ISSUE OF KONZILIJUM! :)

Our independent (maga)zine, inspired by punk fanzines from 80s/90s, striving to spread education for *free* (you will be allowed to print it and share it yourself if you want, too).

This month's issue will contain a variety of articles (analysis of "The silence of the lambs", album of the month "Smak" (1975), feminist discussion of internalised misogyny, "Glass menagerie" short essay, playlist of the month, etc.!)

[daaedoodles]

newly disabled regina + eating disorder regina is a painful and extremely angsty combination. like just imagine how out of control she feels after being hit by the bus and breaking her spine, and she’s trying to lose the weight from the kalteen bar situation but not being able to function or live her life the way she did before, much less exercise, but she still tries to anyway and hurts herself in the process because she wants nothing more than to have her old body back, both the one that wasn’t in pain all the time and one that was 10lbs smaller 😭

[amirmeavid]

I don't know why this has to be spelled out, but if you are arguing that there are biases against women in society (true) because of the patriarchy, and how these biases are unconscious and therefore present even in the most progressive spaces...

You cannot simultaneously argue that unconscious transphobic biases are not present, and people don't unconsciously treat trans men closer to women then they do men.

[screampotato]

Please, aro, ace, aroace and all aspec people:

We are not broken.

Please, choose today to stop hating yourself, to start being consciously accepting of who you are. Who all of us are.

Every time I see a post from an aspec person saying that they're broken, that they hate themselves for being aspec, that they wish they could change their orientation... it hurts.

You cannot hate yourself into being someone other than who you are. Your only options are:

1. Be aspec and hate yourself

2. Be aspec and don't hate yourself

There is no secret third option.

I'm generally unbothered by aphobia and amatonormativity when it comes from people who aren't aspec. They generally don't know what they're talking about. But when it comes from someone like me, saying that people like us are broken and worthy of hate, it hurts. Some part of me thinks "well it must be true then." I'm old and wrinkly enough to know that voice should be ignored, but it's still there.

I know people struggle with their sexuality and want to share the burden, I get that. I just wish we could couch it in less destructive terms. "I'm confused". "I'm sad". "I feel left out". "I'm worried about the future". "I don't feel accepted". "I don't like being a minority". Not "I hate myself and I feel like I'm broken".

Because you're talking about all of us.

[brick-van-dyke]

If there's one thing I've respectively noticed from Zionists and defenders of Israeli war crimes, it's that every source, argument and potential avenue to explore each explanation is riddled with cherry picking, moving the goalposts and mental gymnastics to explain why their conclusions, which typically are barely even related to the sources they use, somehow overshadow literal reality and what we see with our own eyes.

While scrolling, one example I came across was the repetitive misrepresentation of BLM, antifa and quotes from Martin Luther King Jr, as well as statistics, scholarly journal articles and government website information. These are all good sources, yet every single time they're mangled completely until the only possible "interpretation" of any of them is "well Israel is right to defend itself after shorting rockets beforehand because the retaliation was brutal and all Arabs are bad by default therefore". As if any of these sources are even about individual exceptions of Israel versus hatred towards Arabs.

I think what I find most absurd, as someone in the middle of their own studies, is how every bit of critical thinking and logic goes out the window as they do every single thing possible to do what professors worldwide say NOT to do when evaluating sources. It's like watching a race to see who can tangle and misconstrue scientific information to fit their world view the fastest. Then said people say "um actually I studied at university before so it's actually not wrong that I'm doing this exact this everyone is warned not to do because I have a permit". Ignorance I can forgive, but willful and arrogant manipulation? That's another thing entirely.

[bisexualseraphim]

Friendly reminder that for bi/pan/omni/polysexual people, being attracted to the ‘opposite’ gender is still part of their queerness. Their ‘same-sex’ attraction isn’t their ‘queer side,’ everything about their attraction is queer. It is not ‘fair game’ to make fun of an M-spec person’s ‘straight side�� because nothing about them is straight.*

This especially goes out to those who make fun of or are disgusted by M-spec women — their attraction to men is not dirty or lesser than their attraction to women. Suggesting so is first of all just cruel to men for no reason, misogynistic, and yes, biphobic. Biphobia isn’t just disgust for the fact the person experiences ‘same-sex’ attraction, it goes the other way too because an M-spec woman’s attraction to men is also an inherent part of her queer identity.

It is not ‘a shame’ that she’s into men, it’s a shame that you as a queer person feel the need to share your contempt for another queer person merely because their identity doesn’t fit into the box of what you think ‘queer’ should be — when being queer is about not following the rules in the first place. Unlearn your biphobia.

[the-spooky-children]

Talked about this in the tags of another post but I think I wanna talk about it on its own post:

I think hatred of Skid x Pump is rooted in internalised homophobia

Why? Well I myself used to HATE the ship (as some of you probably know), had the shippers in my DNI, everything, and my one reason was "they're kids, it's weird"

And

You know how in the shower and stuff you'll argue with yourself to boost your confidence? Well I was doing that and the "myself" I was arguing against in regard the to ship was like,

"Well, if Skid and Pump were a boy and girl instead of two boys you'd have no problem with the ship!"

And I realised

Shit

So yeah even though I'm queer as fuck apparently I had mild internalised homophobia and Spooky Month was the way I realised it

So after that I had a long think and decided that it was a stupid double standard and took Skump out of my DNI and went through my own ✨character development✨

So yeah, Skid x Pump dislikers, take a second to think if the reason you hate the ship is because they're kids or if it's because they're both boys

You might learn something about yourself

And if instead you're like "no I know for a fact I'd 100% feel the same about a het ship" then well done you passed! (/lh)

[biconicfinn]

i think thin people and to some extent even midsize people will never understand the agony that living as a fat person is sometimes like. all my horrendous experiences in childhood and up to now from other people and society in general to now aside i just suddenly thought of the way i myself treat myself.

without even discussing long term things and the way i treat my body or perceive it day to day; i just want to focus on one specific thing that just suddenly came back to me.

last year i went to ballroom dancing classes for the first half of the year and during that time i started catching feelings for my dance partner whom i met at this class (shit didn’t work out because of reasons but that’s not relevant) and even when we were in ballroom hold, and part of me thrilled to feel his left hand holding my right, my left on his arm, and his right on my shoulder blade, loved being twirled around and swept across a room together and the laughter and banter we shared, not to mention the chemistry we had with each other on and off the dance floor. but my fucking god every week for two hours i would be wrecked inside praying that my belly wouldn’t brush up against him, when we pressed close together what should have been the fun of a crush and physical contact with someone i liked i feared he would feel revolted every time my disgusting fat body had the audacity to brush up against his leaner stronger body. the shame i would feel every time and i would immediately apologise and he would always be like don’t worry about it it’s not a problem and looking back he probably didn’t give a shit at all but fuck if it didn’t eat me up inside every week for months.

and the worst part is?? i would never entertain having these thoughts about anyone else but when it’s my ass in the line of fire??? anything fucking goes let’s hate this fat body you have lived in most of your life it’s fine!!!

and this is just one incident in one period of my life. imagine how much more i am not telling you. you have no idea what it feels like to be me in my head in my body existing in this space. so don’t fucking dare tell me fatphobia isn’t real. it is and fuck it hurts me every single day.

[obstinatecondolement]

I have a lot of fondness for clunky Hallmark Christmas romance movies with rock bottom production values, vaguely established and extremely contrived plots, dodgy dialgoue, often questionable line readings, and child actors playing a kid who seems either three years younger or older than themselves. Hallmark have not undermined themselves with glib, self aware irony or attempted to "elevate" the delightful low artform that they excel in. Refreshing, honestly.