#instead the infomercials would start

[solxamber]

Had the thought of "Malleus helps the prefect with their crush on a NRC student by suggesting fae courtship advice" and realized how funny it sounded but I cannot for the life of me write. So I skitter to you

So! Maybe a request of Malleus listening to how his beloved little friend has a crush on azul or idia whoever you choose, and is too anxious of rejection to ask them out, but he tries his best to help, however he most likely has no idea on human courtship, so ends up giving reader advice that mostly correlates with fae courtship rituals, maybe with Lilia helping out somewhat with advice he knows would work better for humans and maybe it can be a fem or gn reader?/lh

Fae Courtship 101: Romance Gone Wrong || Idia Shroud

In your desperation to confess your feelings to Idia, you've recruited Malleus to help you. Except his help is mildly concerning at best and extremely alarming at worst.

a/n: so sorry for the extremely long wait, i hope you like it <3

You were deep in super hell.

Not just any hell—ultra-max difficulty hell with a boss fight at the end. Why? Because you were hopelessly, embarrassingly smitten with Idia Shroud. Every time he so much as muttered a sarcastic comment under his breath, your brain turned into static noise and you felt like you were pulling on a gacha with a rate up of 0.000001%.

Which is why, when Malleus Draconia suddenly appeared in the middle of Ramshackle like a fae bat signal, you didn’t even blink. You were too far gone. You just flung yourself onto the couch and unleashed your woes like a possessed infomercial host.

“HE’S TOO CUTE,” you screamed into a throw pillow. “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. HIS HAIR GLOWS, MALLEUS. HIS. HAIR. GLOWS.”

Malleus, who had been standing ominously in the corner like a living gargoyle, tilted his head. “This sounds… grave.”

“IT IS,” you wailed. “Every time I see him, I want to just—ugh, I don’t know—hand him a limited-edition figure and tell him he’s my forever player two! But then I don’t because my brain decides to blue-screen instead! I’m a romantic coward!”

“Curious,” Malleus murmured.

You sat up, clutching the pillow like a lifeline. “Do you even know how bad it is? The other day, he tripped over his own shoelace and I almost confessed right then and there! I can’t keep living like this!”

Malleus’s glowing eyes narrowed in what could only be described as dramatic princely determination. “Say no more, child of man.”

You blinked. “Huh?”

“I shall aid you in this endeavor,” he announced, placing a hand over his chest like he was about to duel a dragon in your honor. “You have my solemn vow that your courtship will succeed.”

You blinked again, the words taking a few extra seconds to register. “Wait. What?”

“I have centuries of experience in matters of the heart,” Malleus declared with a completely straight face.

“You do?” you asked, very reasonably skeptical because the only “courtship” you could imagine him doing was with a gargoyle in a medieval tapestry.

“Indeed,” he continued, undeterred by your blatant disbelief. “Shroud will recognize your worth once we present him with a grand gesture of affection.”

“…Define ‘grand gesture,’” you said, suddenly wary.

“A trophy of unparalleled rarity,” Malleus suggested with the confidence of someone who had definitely never bought a gift before. “Or perhaps a demonstration of your magical prowess. You are quite skilled at… surviving near-death experiences, are you not?”

“That’s not a talent!” you yelped.

He ignored you, his enthusiasm building like a storm. “Yes. I shall teach you the ancient fae techniques of courtship. You shall sweep Shroud off his feet.”

You buried your face in your hands. “This is going to end in a lawsuit.”

“Nonsense,” Malleus said firmly. “It will end in love.”

You weren’t sure whether to cry, laugh, or start writing your will.

You stared at the piece of paper in your hand like it had personally wronged you. Because, honestly, it had.

Malleus was perched regally on your couch, sipping tea like this wasn’t entirely his fault. “This poem,” he said, voice brimming with pride, “will surely capture Idia Shroud’s heart. It is both heartfelt and… inventive.”

“It’s terrible,” you muttered, waving the paper at him. “It sounds like a rejected NPC dialogue option.”

“Nonsense,” Malleus replied, unbothered. “It is a masterpiece of raw emotion. Shall I read it to you again?”

“No!” you said, alarmed. “I still haven’t recovered from the first time!”

It had been a mess. Rhyming “gamer” with “flamer,” shoehorning in “Player Two,” and an overly dramatic stanza about “lighting up the dark like a 5-star pull.” It sounded like a bad RPG side quest.

“I can’t give this to him,” you whined. “He’ll think I wrote it drunk.”

Malleus, ever unshaken, tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Then I shall present it to him on your behalf. I am an excellent orator.”

Your brain lagged. “You what?!”

Before you could stop him, Malleus plucked the poem from your hands and practically glided out the door. You ran after him, panic bubbling in your chest.

You caught up to him just as he cornered Idia in the library. Poor Idia looked like he was questioning every life choice that had led him here.

“Child of man,” Malleus said gravely, holding the poem like it was an ancient scroll. “Your heart has crafted a most wondrous ode to Idia Shroud. Allow me to deliver your words of passion.”

“No. Nope. Nope,” you interrupted, lunging forward.

But Malleus had already begun. “To the one whose hair glows like—”

You didn’t let him finish. Instinct took over. You snatched the paper out of his hand and, in one smooth motion, ate it.

Idia blinked. Then blinked again. “…Did you just eat paper?”

You gagged but managed to choke it down, wiping your mouth with as much dignity as you could muster. “Yup. Totally. Don’t even worry about it.”

Malleus looked genuinely offended. “Why would you consume such a heartfelt creation?”

“Because it was awful,” you hissed, yanking him by the sleeve.

Meanwhile, Idia just stood there, watching this unhinged disaster unfold. He glanced at Malleus, then at you, then at the faint sheen of sweat on your forehead. “Man,” he mumbled, “I should’ve just stayed in my room.”

Malleus stood in the middle of Ramshackle’s living room, radiating regal confidence and possibly a bit too much enthusiasm for someone whose advice had caused you to eat a poem in front of your crush just two days prior.

“I have considered our previous efforts,” Malleus began, pacing dramatically, “and I believe it is time to enact a traditional fae courtship ritual.”

You squinted at him from your spot on the couch. “Define ‘traditional.’”

Malleus clasped his hands behind his back. “It is quite simple. You must leave a series of carefully chosen gifts for Idia to discover. Each one should symbolize your intentions, culminating in an offer of eternal devotion.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” you said cautiously. “What kind of gifts are we talking about?”

Malleus turned to you, his expression far too serious. “The first gift must be a bouquet of midnight roses—each petal dipped in the dew of the first frost. The second, a vial of your own tears, to show vulnerability. And the third, a token of your affection, forged in moonlit flames.”

You stared at him, horrified. “Malleus, I don’t know how to say this politely, but… are you nuts?!”

He frowned, clearly confused. “Is this not how humans express their love?”

“No!” you exclaimed. “Nobody’s out here crying into vials or setting up romantic blacksmith sessions!”

Malleus waved a hand dismissively. “Nonsense. It is a noble and time-honored method. Come, I will assist you.”

Step 1: Midnight Roses

Somehow, you found yourself sneaking into the Botanical Gardens late at night with Malleus, who had insisted on conjuring the “perfect” roses.

“These roses will shine with a light so soft, it will illuminate your sincerity,” he said as he gestured dramatically.

A small explosion followed.

When the smoke cleared, you were holding a bouquet of roses that were glowing like neon signs. “Malleus, these look radioactive. Are you trying to confess or give him superpowers?”

He looked affronted. “Their brilliance reflects your ardor!”

Your ardor looked like it would set off a Geiger counter.

Step 2: The Vial of Tears

“Now, you must cry into this vial,” Malleus instructed, handing you what looked like a fancy perfume bottle.

“Do you hear yourself?” you asked, utterly baffled.

“Think of your love for Shroud,” he said. “Surely the emotion will move you to tears.”

You tried. You really did. But after five minutes of sitting there awkwardly, all you had to offer was a single, pathetic sniffle.

“Perhaps I should assist,” Malleus said, reaching out. “Do you require a tragic tale? A dramatic betrayal?”

“No! Absolutely not!” you snapped, shoving the bottle back at him. “I am not sobbing into a vial for anyone!”

Step 3: The Moonlit Token

The final step involved an actual fire pit behind Ramshackle because, according to Malleus, the moonlit flames were essential.

“I shall forge your token,” Malleus declared, summoning a small inferno that nearly took out the lawn.

When the smoke cleared, you held a jagged piece of metal that looked like it was ripped off an air conditioning unit.

“What is this supposed to be?” you asked flatly.

“A medallion,” Malleus said proudly.

“It looks like I pulled it out of a scrap heap!”

You delivered the “gifts” to Idia during a moment of sheer madness, mostly because Malleus had already enchanted the roses to literally float behind you, and they weren’t going anywhere.

Idia opened his door and froze. His hair immediately flickered pink as he stared at you, the bouquet, the medallion, and—was that a perfume bottle?

“What… is happening right now?” he asked, his voice cracking.

“It’s—uh—fae courtship stuff?” you mumbled, trying to shove the glowing bouquet into his hands.

The roses sparked.

“Oh my god, is this thing going to explode?!” Idia yelped, throwing them across the room.

You panicked and shoved the medallion forward. “Here! It’s—it’s a token of my affection?”

Idia stared at the jagged metal piece. “Did you… dig this out of a junkyard?”

“NO!”

Finally, you shoved the vial of “tears” at him. Idia took one look at it, his face a mixture of disbelief and growing alarm.

“Did you just hand me a potion ingredient?!”

At this point, you were ready to die. Before you could explain yourself, Idia closed the door and slid down to the floor on the other side, clutching his heart.

“Fae Courtship...they like me,” he whispered, his hair a vibrant pink. “They're insane, but they like me.”

Meanwhile, you turned to Malleus outside Ramshackle, utterly mortified.

“I hate you,” you groaned.

Malleus only smiled. “An absolute success.”

Malleus was once again pacing in Ramshackle’s living room like a Victorian gentleman trying to solve the case of your disastrously one-sided love life.

“Here is what we shall do,” he said, hands clasped and gaze intense. “You will prepare a ceremonial feast. Cook for him using ingredients that symbolize your intentions. Lavender for devotion, honey for sweetness, and”—he paused dramatically—“a pheasant roasted under the light of the full moon. You must present it to him on a silver platter while reciting your feelings in the Fae tongue.”

You blinked. “Malleus. Where in Twisted Wonderland am I supposed to find a pheasant?!”

He looked mildly offended. “Surely you can catch one. Do you not have traps?”

“I live in Ramshackle, not the woods!” you snapped. “Also, I think Idia would keel over if I walked in with a roasted bird and started chanting in Fae.”

Malleus sighed. “Child of man, your lack of commitment is concerning.”

Before you could argue, Lilia materialized from who knows where with his usual mischievous grin. “Oh, don’t stop on my account,” he drawled. “This is incredibly entertaining.”

You glared at him. “Lilia, I’m in emotional distress, not a soap opera.”

“Exactly why I’m here,” Lilia said, flopping into a chair. “Malleus, your suggestions are delightful, but I’d prefer not to have Idia hospitalized from sheer terror. Allow me to offer some… balance.”

Malleus frowned. “Balance?”

“Yes,” Lilia said. “Like suggesting something sane, such as gifting him a rare figurine from one of his favorite animes. It’s thoughtful, meaningful, and most importantly, won’t require a midnight hunt.”

You thought getting a figurine would be easy. You were wrong.

You tried everything:

Azul offered to get it—if you signed a contract that basically gave him first claim on your future firstborn.

Ruggie smugly said he could “procure” it but asked for a kidney as collateral.

Just when you were about to accept your fate as figurine-less, Kalim swooped in like the sunshine prince he is, offering to buy it outright with his seemingly infinite wealth. “You want it? I’ll get it! It’ll be fun!” You could’ve cried.

Bless Kalim and his endless generosity.

When you finally gave the figurine to Idia, you were an exhausted wreck. It had taken days, multiple negotiations, and at least one near-death experience (Ruggie’s "payment terms" were aggressive).

Idia stared at the box, then at you, then back at the box. His hair flickered pink as his mind tried to process the situation.

“Is this—?” he started, his voice cracking.

You nodded. “It’s that limited-edition one you mentioned.”

Idia froze, clutching the box like it was the Holy Grail. “H-how did you even afford this?!” he stammered. “No offense, but have you seen Ramshackle?!”

“Bye!” you squeaked, panicking and bolting out the door before he could say anything else.

Malleus, watching you sprint away from Ignihyde like a spooked animal, nodded sagely. “Another success.”

Lilia shook his head, cackling. “If nothing else, this is fantastic entertainment.”

Meanwhile, back in his room, Idia sat on the floor, staring at the figurine. His hair was a fiery pink as his brain short-circuited.

“They remembered,” he whispered. “They actually remembered…”

Ortho popped into the room. “Big Brother, are you okay? Your vitals are—”

“LEAVE ME TO DIE IN PEACE!” Idia shrieked, clutching the figurine like a lifeline.

It was safe to say the figurine worked.

You were lying on the couch at Ramshackle, contemplating your life choices and whether Malleus or Lilia was the greater threat to your sanity, when Ortho appeared at your door.

“Big Brother has summoned you to Ignihyde!” he chirped, far too cheerful for your emotional state.

“What did I do now?” you groaned, throwing an arm over your face.

“I think it’s good news!” Ortho said, clearly hiding something.

Given that this was Idia, “good news” could mean anything from “I found a new game to play” to “you’re about to be the first human test subject for my latest invention.” Against your better judgment, you followed Ortho.

When you entered Idia’s room, he was sitting cross-legged on the floor, his hair flickering an anxious shade of pink. He didn’t even look up from his console, which was just a black screen because he’d obviously forgotten to turn it on in his panic.

“Uh, thanks for coming,” he mumbled.

“You did send your little brother to fetch me like I was being summoned to the Underworld,” you deadpanned, crossing your arms.

Idia winced. “Y-yeah, sorry about that. I panicked, okay?”

You sat down on the floor across from him, waiting. His hair crackled as he kept fidgeting, his gaze darting everywhere but you. Finally, he took a deep breath and blurted out:

“So, I’ve been analyzing your recent behavior, and it’s, uh… come to my attention that… maybe you like me?”

You blinked, taken aback by the sudden shift from mumbling to outright accusations. “Analyzing my behavior?”

“Yes!” he squeaked, gripping his knees like his life depended on it. “The weird flustered thing you do when I talk to you, the whole ‘anime figurine extravaganza’ that nearly killed you—don’t think I didn’t hear about that, by the way—and the fact that you’ve willingly talked to me more than once. It all adds up!”

Your mouth opened, but no words came out. He looked increasingly panicked.

“I mean, if you don’t like me, that’s fine! I’ll just—uh, go smite myself with a lightning bolt or something. Lemme call Malleus; he’ll be thrilled to help.”

“Idia—”

“But!” he interrupted, holding up a finger. “If you do like me, I… I think I should tell you that I… uh, I like you too.” His voice cracked on the last word, and his hair flared bright pink. “A lot. Like, an unhealthy amount of 'a lot.’”

You sat there, stunned, as his words hung in the air.

“And, uh, I’m confessing because… well, I’m not sure I’d survive another one of Malleus’s courtship rituals. No offense, but I think he’s trying to kill me. Ortho heard he suggested you bring me a lock of your hair dipped in a mild poison to solidify our bond?!”

At that, the floodgates broke. Exhausted, drained, and done with this entire saga, you leaned forward, cupped his face in your hands, and kissed him. His hair crackled as it flared a near-neon pink, and he froze like a system on the verge of a crash.

When you pulled back, you sighed. “Thank you for finally putting me out of my misery.”

“I—wait—what—” His brain was clearly blue-screening.

“Idia,” you said firmly, shaking him gently. “Yes, I like you. Yes, this whole thing has been a nightmare. And yes, if I have to call Malleus one more time for ‘help,’ I might smite myself.”

He blinked rapidly, finally rebooting. “Oh. Cool. Uh, can I—?” He gestured vaguely, his face red as a tomato.

You rolled your eyes and kissed him again, pulling him into a hug. Somewhere in the distance, you were pretty sure you heard Ortho cheering.

Back at Diasomnia, Malleus scribbled something into his journal. “Another successful courtship facilitated by me,” he muttered, thoroughly pleased with himself.

“Keep telling yourself that,” Lilia said, chuckling from his spot on the couch.

Masterlist

[sceletaflores]

A Different Kind of Compensation.

part two!

pairing: mike schmidt x fem!reader

prompt: you’ve been babysitting abby for mike nearly three months now. he constantly apologizes for not paying you yet, you constantly tell him it doesn't bother you. one night he comes back from his shift at freddy’s and has a different idea on how to compensate you for all of your hard work.

warnings: 18+, oral (fem receiving), vaginal fingering (kinda???), munch!mike.

word count: this was supposed to be a short dirty work that somehow turned into a 2.2k monster. told you i love to ramble.

authors note: remember when i said i might write smut if i was just so moved by an ask? well turns out my very first ask moved me. y'all are nasty, i love it. mike, of course, is a munch because why would he be anything else? i never, with a capital N, write smut so please bear with me if it sucks. i hope whoever requested this loves it! i wrote it instead of finishing my scientific article for bio so it better be decent hehe.

╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗ ╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝

The sound of the front door opening followed by heavy footsteps woke you up from where you were dozing off on the couch. You gazed at the clock on the side table near you and sure enough, 6:10 blinked back at you. Mike was finally home. You heard him shuffling around in the kitchen, most likely shedding his work vest and hanging his keys on the little hook by the door.

You yawned, trying to rub the sleep out of your eyes as you sat up on the couch. The blanket you used to cover yourself falling to pool around your waist. Mike finally made his way to the living room, sitting on the couch with a soft grunt. 

“Hey,” he said quietly, his voice rough from lack of use. “Abby eat anything?”

“Yeah, a little,” You mutter back through a barely concealed yawn, head lolling to rest on the back of the couch. “You know how she is.”

He hums in acknowledgement but stays silent apart from that, keeping his gaze trained on the infomercial playing on TV. A comfortable silence settles over the two of you. You sit up even further on the couch, leaning against the arm rest facing Mike. The blue/green hue of the TV bathed him in light, his hair was unruly with curls sticking out at awkward angles. He had deep bags under his eyes. Just as you thought about getting up to take off, he spoke up again. 

“I promise I’ll get you the money,” he says softly, not taking his eyes off the TV, “I…I just need some time.”

You scoff in mock annoyance, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “Mike, you know I don’t care about the money. I don’t mind doing this for you.” You reply, nudging his knee with your foot softly then just leaving it perched on his lap.

Mike finally turns to look at you, there's a strange look on his face that you can’t quite place, but you give him a small smile all the same. He stares at you for a few beats, you can practically see the gears turning in his head. 

“You deserve something,” he whispers, his brows furrowed in frustration. “You do so much for me, it’s only fair.” As he speaks, he slowly moves his hand off the couch to your ankle still resting on his thigh, he starts rubbing slow circles over the skin there. His eyes never left yours as he touched you, a very obvious question in them. Asking if you wanted this.

Heat instantly rushed to your belly, cheeks turning a light shade of red at his touch. You’d always thought Mike was attractive, but you never would have imagined he’d want to be anything more than friends. Since he was already so busy with taking care of Abby and his hellish new job.

You swallow once before speaking, your throat feeling dry all of a sudden. “What are you suggesting?” You ask so softly, wondering if he even heard you. Mikes’ fingers stop in favor of trailing his hand up your calf in a featherlight touch, disappearing under the blanket to seek out more of your soft skin. Your heart is beating so fast you think you might die, the sound of it echoing in your ears loudly. 

Mike's big brown eyes stare into yours with a newfound intensity, visibly shocked that you're reacting so viscerally to his touch, his pupils are blown to hell. Chocolate brown being swallowed by black.  His tongue coming out to sweep over his top lip.

“How about you,” he says slowly, scooting closer to you on the small couch. He crowds into your personal space like he belongs there. Mike’s lips inches away from yours. He smells like old leather and dust from being cramped in the security office at Freddy’s. Your chest heaves as your eyes flit back and forth from his eyes to his lips. Seconds drag by like hours as you painstakingly wait for him to finish his sentence. “Stay right there while I make you feel good.” He finally says, his breath fanning over your face hotly. You can’t even speak, afraid of how desperate you might sound, just nodding your head roughly, not looking away from his hungry gaze.

Mike’s hand runs up your leg quickly after you give him the green-light, slipping further under the blanket and higher up your leg until he reaches his destination. He rubs you gently through your shorts, your breath hitches sharply at what should be just a simple touch, but you’re still so worked up from earlier that it feels ten times more extreme. You grasp the blanket still strewn over your lap tightly in your fists, it's the only thing keeping you from seeing Mike’s hand at work between your legs.

Mike reacts to touching you for the first time like he can feel it too. His breath stutters out of his chest, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of your already wet folds through your thin cotton sleeping shorts. “Fuck.” He breathes out quietly, so quietly you doubt he even meant to say it out loud. He opens his eyes again, breathing slightly rougher as he stares at you through his arousal induced haze and heavy eyelids. 

Seeing your face must spur him on because he starts rubbing with more fervor than before, his clever fingers applying more pressure making you moan softly. You cut yourself off quickly, eyes darting down the hall to Abby's bedroom door. It's still closed, there's no light leaking through the crack between it and the floor.

"Shit, Mike." You whine quietly.

Mike groans softly at the sound of his name leaving your lips, body trembling slightly with the feeling. Suddenly he wrenches his hand out from under the blanket, and rips it off your lap frantically. You gasp sharply at the cool air breaking through the bubble of warmth the blanket provided, involuntarily closing your legs.

Mike pushes up from his position on the couch next to you, knee walking over so he's kneeling in-front of your clenched thighs. You're still slightly sprawled across the cushions, leaning on the arm of the couch.

"Do you know how crazy you make me?" He asks roughly, putting both his hands on your still closed knees. It takes a second for your brain to catch up to answer him, after a few moments you finally manage a faint shake of your head.

"No?" He asks, tilting his head to the left slightly. "Let me show you then."

Mike grabs your wrist, tugging you closer to him, and leads your hand down into his lap. Your breath catches in your throat when he places your hand directly over his clothed erection, but it gets drowned out by Mike's louder whine thanks to you touching him for the first time. You drag your eyes downward, his dark grey sweatpants leave little to the imagination. He got more worked up touching you than you first thought, if the wet patch forming near the tip of his hard-on was anything to go by.

As soon as you started to rub him with purpose, Mike grabbed your wrist, halting your efforts. "No," He said breathlessly, practically panting. "No, this is for you tonight. Just wanna focus on you."

He let go of your wrist, turning his head in your direction. Both of you failed to realize how close you'd gotten when he dragged you to him. Your noses practically touch when he turns, catching you both off guard. His eyes travel down to your lips, staring at how red and puffy they'd gotten from you biting them to muffle your moans.

"How sweet of you, Mike." You whisper, leaning in just a tad closer. He lets out a guttural groan and closes the distance between your lips, claiming your mouth with his own. He leans forward, gently guiding you to lay back on the couch. His body completely covering yours as the two of you makeout, his arms on either side of your head and his hips slotting against yours, letting you feel the hard length of his cock against your cunt. You moan into his mouth, your hips bucking up to meet his.

Mike breaks the kiss with a whine, trying to muffle the noise by shoving his face in your neck. You bring your hands up to tangle in his curly hair, yanking it roughly as he starts littering kisses all along your collarbones. Nipping and sucking in-between his gasping little moans as you twist and pull his hair in your grip.

He tears his mouth away to stare up at you through his lashes, his lips are swollen and red. “Please,” He gasps out, his hips unconsciously grinding down into your thigh. “Let me eat you out. Please. Tell me I can, say I can.” He babbles, hips rutting faster every second you don’t answer him.

“Yes.” You exclaim as quietly as possible. “Do it, Mike. Eat me out.”

Mike’s whole body shudders at your words, eyes falling closed for a second before he quickly slides down your body, leaving an odd kiss here and there as he goes. He brings his hands up to grip the waistband of your shorts, pausing to take a single steadying breath, then he tugs them down along with your panties and tosses them aside. He stares down at you in awe for a good few moments before he lays on his stomach, right in front of your dripping cunt.

Mike kisses along the inside of your thighs for a bit, licking everywhere but where you want him to the most. “Thank you.” he mutters, tone way too earnest for the situation at hand but you don’t have much time to think about it before he’s diving face first into your thighs.

“Fuck!” You let your voice get way too loud in the quiet atmosphere of the house, but you can’t help it. You didn’t think Mike had lots of experience because of some late night drunken talks before, but he was either lying or holding out. He works his tongue expertly along every inch of you. Every swirl, flick, or suck has you catapulting to the edge way faster than you’d imagined.

It doesn't help that Mike keeps letting out these noises. Small needy whines or deep guttural groans that you can feel. He’s moaning like he’s the one getting head, unashamed and authentic. It’s so fucking sexy.

“Shit Mike, I’m close. I’m so close.” You whisper too quietly for him to hear with his head trapped between your thighs, but it doesn’t matter. Mike brings his thumb up to lightly circle your clit as he laps against your entrance, and you're gone.

Your thighs shake as you release, grabbing on Mike’s hair for dear life as you go through the most intense orgasm ever. He moans into your cunt, working you through the aftershocks. He laves his tongue along you until the overstimulation gets to be too much and you drag his face away by his hair.

He sits up, the bottom half of his face covered in spit and slick. That visual alone is almost enough to get you ready for round two. It’s silent except for the heavy breathing coming from you both.

After he catches his breath, Mike retrieves the blanket from behind his back somewhere to cover the lower half of your body. Your thighs are still shaking as he lays next to you, it’s a tight squeeze but neither of you seem to mind. He kisses the side of your face sweetly, throwing his arm around your waist to pull you in even closer.

You finally regain enough conscience to speak. “Are you sure you don’t want to get off?” You ask, “I mean I can’t feel my legs but I’m sure we could think of something.” Mike only laughs quietly, shaking his head. “Maybe next time, this was about you.” He said, beginning to rub his fingers back and forth on your hip. “Plus I, uh, I already sort of…” He trails off, a flush forming on his cheeks.

It took you a second to realize what he was saying, but when it clicked you couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped your mouth. You lifted up the blanket covering the two of you, and sure enough Mike had an impressive wet patch seeping through his sweats.

He pinches your hip lightly, offended by your giggling. “Don’t laugh at me,” He complains with a smile, yanking the blanket back up. “I couldn’t help it.”

You stifle another laugh to the best of your ability, though your shoulders still shake ever so slightly. You turn your head to press a kiss to his lips. It’s different from the previous kisses you shared tonight. It’s slower and softer, full of a new emotion that you both feel, but know that it can wait to be talked about later. For now you’re both just basking in the afterglow.

You break the kiss first, pulling back only slightly to lean your forehead against his. You both smile at each other for a second.

“Okay,” You give in, brushing a strand of sweaty hair away from his face. “But believe that tomorrow is all about you.”

[foldingfittedsheets]

I need to preface this story by saying I do love my friend Buck. Tragically, Buck is so bullyable. Every time I’m gonna hang out with Buck I promise, like, okay, this time! This time I’ll be so nice to Buck! And then instead I needle and tease him relentlessly. Buck has repeatedly reassured me that he would not hang out with me if he didn’t love me too. It feels like what normal siblings have.

Recently I was working at the store Buck works at. I did start out being very good and nice and professional. That broke down when the manager started teasing him. After a while I had my cute nonbinary kid interaction. I had told them about our lavender scented pillow.

After they left Buck said, “Hey, I didn’t want to interrupt but that pillow isn’t scented.”

“Yes it is,” I said without looking up from my tablet. “I tried to buy one and had to stop because scented pillows always irritate my throat.”

“I just unboxed one the other day, there’s no smell.” To demonstrate he picked up the show pillow and breathed deeply, shaking his head.

I looked up. I looked deep into his eyes. “Buck. I am a thousand percent certain that pillow is scented with lavender.”

The manager of the store was sitting next to me and was now getting extremely invested and said, “Oh please, prove him wrong, I’ve never gotten to see this, please.”

Buck and I both nodded our acceptance of the challenge. Buck went to the back room to put hands on the pillow. I pulled up the website on my tablet.

He returned and brandished the box, “See? It doesn’t say anywhere on here that it’s scented!”

I nodded placidly then scrolled down the pillow’s description. I began to read the last line of product description in the soothing therapy tones of an infomercial, “This pillow is lightly scented with lavender for gentle aromatherapy while you sleep-“ I dropped the voice and added, “so suck my dick.”

The manager absolutely lost his mind laughing and Buck finally found a tiny part of the box that said it was scented. His eyebrows went up. “Huh. You were right. I’m not too proud to admit it.”

He went to put the pillow back and the manager wheezed for air beside me.

[candyunicornsateme]

Please feed me mccormick angst. Give me your headcanonssssssss

Okay so like my main usual ideas are not extremely grim but generally pretty dismal and depressing like.

Kevin to me is like the type to steal some money from Kenny for some random thing and maybe Carol will say "hey don't do that" but nothing comes of it and there's no getting it back. I also see him "borrowing" Kenny's stuff in general like his PSP and Kenny has to hide it from him. He's not really intentionally an asshole but he's kinda a pain in the ass stupid older brother that adds to Kenny's stress occasionally. Yanno what I mean.

Also just see Kevin as the one to move out and disappear as soon as he's old enough to. Probably has the most tension with their dad, because... he's white trash and fights back? I guess? Which is compounded by one of the few scenes of him there is in the show. There's really not much to go off of with him in the show either so there's that too, so I am generalizing to a degree.

Kenny's dad is almost always a major touchy spot and source of issues, not just for Kenny. Like it's kind of a given. Most of the physical fighting happens between his parents especially when alcohol is involved, but I really have a hard time not thinking there'd be a few incidents if shit gets really bad. Like booze and drugs??? Some shit's bound to really blow up.

I normally picture Kenny not having many, if any, physical altercations with his dad, but I think his dad would totally just start bitching at him a lot of times, being jaded and complaining about money and demanding shit ("you have so much time to go hang with your friends you could be making money to pay for all this food you kids fucking eat"). Kenny generally ignores him, but it's anxiety inducing and at worst extremely frustrating. There's a lot more negative memories than good and I always see Kenny having some really fucked up internalized anger because he would leave instead of lashing out. Even grown up he wouldn't confront unless it was to protect someone else from getting hurt.

Like Kenny doesn't hate him but he wishes both his dad and his mom could stop drinking and taking their anger out on each other at the very least.

But maybe sometimes he does hate him. We can have a little hate and violence as a treat.

Carol is just stuck and forced to pick up the slack working long evening shifts and stuff like that, so no one's around to make the kids dinner, and she's usually too tired or checked out drinking, or arguing with Stuart on other days, to do too much. So homecooked meals are very rare, cleaning is sparse, and most times she just looks so tired and defeated just barely getting by. She expresses love and affection more, and the worst she would intentionally do is smack Kenny's arm. Sometimes she gives Kenny some tough love type of scolding, which could be a little something he can relate to with Kyle. Sometimes she sounds so sad though when she says nice things like that Kenny's her "sweet little boy", like she knows he's forced to look after himself and help look after Karen.

Kenny will come home late at night from hanging with friends or anything and his mom will be passed out alone on the couch on her stomach, just the glow of the old TV flickering some late-night infomercial no one's watching and reflecting on empty bottles and crap on the coffee table and Kenny just sighs. (This scene has been on my drawing list for years but at this point fuck it lmao)

Given their parents being like that, Karen grows up very anxious and unsure, and Kenny really is her rock until she gets older. :(

And KenNY... The idea of him fucking taking on the parentified child role and having to keep his shit together because he's gotta look out for Karen. He's gotta do shit like get Karen medicine when she's sick. Goes to the laundromat to clean their clothes because they don't have functioning machines at home (been there, it sucks). And he doesn't say shit about any of it, not the bruises, not the severity of drinking, not the having to escape his house because of the yelling. Until suddenly one day out of the blue he'll laugh and say his dad would've beat his ass if he did xyz and then doesn't explain or mention it again.

Yeah. Like that :)

BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG. I think more wholesome, nice stuff with all them is good too lol. I promise. I don't want anyone to assume this means I think other ideas/interpretations are "wrong". Kevin could be a derpy well-meaning brother too. Yanno.

Like I wish I could look at them and not only think of domestic violence and not wanting to be home, but like I said in my other post, my old edgelord hcs of yesteryear remain most heavily in Kenny's family. I just really love me some Kenny angst like that lol.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Kurt Eichenwald at The Threats Within:

In the latest episode of Seriously, Is This Real Life?, businessman and Shark Tank star Kevin O’Leary has revealed that President-elect Donald Trump isn’t just fantasizing about turning Canada into America’s 51st state—he’s actually hosting discussions about it at Mar-a-Lago. Yes, while most people might spend their time planning sensible policies or staffing a competent cabinet, Trump is apparently doodling maple leaves on “Make Canada American, Eh?” baseball caps and strategizing annexation over shrimp cocktails. Trump singing the praises for his idea (of course) on his puttering Twitter rip-off, Truth Social (of course again): “If Canada merged with the U.S., there would be no Tariffs, taxes would go way down, and they would be TOTALLY SECURE from the threat of the Russian and Chinese Ships that are constantly surrounding them.” Because clearly, Canadians are lying awake at night, trembling in fear of rogue fishing boats and theoretical invasions. Let’s be clear: this isn’t diplomacy. It’s the political equivalent of showing up uninvited to your neighbor’s barbecue, demanding their beer fridge, and explaining it’s for their own good. Trump’s pitch is less about partnership and more about a hostile corporate takeover, with all the charm of a bad infomercial. And it’s safe to say Canadians, who already politely endure their proximity to the U.S., are not clamoring for an upgrade to full membership in Trump’s America. Starting off - health care. Canadians may grumble about wait times, but they’d take their universal system over America’s medical Hunger Games any day. A recent poll found that 86.2% of Canadians support strengthening public healthcare instead of expanding for-profit services. Trump’s version of “freedom” might involve a $10,000 ambulance ride, but Canadians prefer their version, which lets them hit the slopes without worrying about whether a broken leg will also break the bank. Sorry, Donald, but paying $300 for an Advil isn’t exactly what they’d call “great again.”

And let’s talk about social progress, a subject that would likely give Trump and his base a collective nosebleed. Canada legalized gay marriage way back in 2005, leaving the U.S. scrambling to catch up a full decade later. And in 2017, the Canadian Human Rights Act was updated to protect gender identity and gender expression, making Canada a global leader in LGBTQ+ rights. Canadians support protecting transgender people in housing, employment, and public spaces, while Trump’s crowd throws around the term “groomer” like it’s a national sport. The idea of merging these two wildly different value systems is as absurd as serving poutine with ketchup instead of gravy—an insult to both sides.

Of course, don’t forget the gun thing. Trump’s America treats guns like a sacred birthright, while Canadians approach firearms with the kind of cautious distance usually reserved for overly friendly raccoons. The U.S. has more guns than people; Canada regulates them with a level of care that would make even Switzerland blush. Canadians aren’t about to give up their relatively low gun violence rates to adopt a system where a trip to Walmart can involve dodging an active shooter.

There’s also the cultural chasm that is Trump-style politics, which would leave Canadians feeling like they’ve stepped out of the library into a WWE wrestling match. Canadian politics may be dull by comparison, but that’s kind of the point. Canadians are happy to settle disputes over coffee and donuts, not angry tweet storms and “Stop the Steal” rallies. Watching Trump declare “CANADA IS A DISASTER, I’LL FIX IT!” would likely send Canadians scrambling for the border—just not in the direction he’s hoping for. And guns—oh, the guns. America has more firearms than people, and Trump seems to think that’s a feature, not a bug. Canadians, on the other hand, treat guns with the same wary respect they reserve for grizzly bears: necessary in some situations, but not something you invite into your home for fun. The idea of adopting the U.S.’s trigger-happy culture would likely send Canadians running—not walking—to the border.

Being apart from the US is the whole raison d’être of Canada’s being, and almost nobody in that nation would want Canada to be dragged into the USA.

[goldeneyedgirl]

Ficmas24 Day 4: Anathema

Good night everyone! I am so sleepy, so just a few quick notes (and editing will have to wait til tomorrow because I am about three minutes from being curled up in my bed).

Today's offering is the first private meeting Alice and Jasper have in Anathema. I've had this scene in my head for such a long time, and I need to keep reworking this version to get it perfect. But it's a good start, and I do love exploring how vulnerable and alien this version of Jasper is to humans, to Alice - who is the first person to welcome him closer because she likes him and not out of fear or pity.

I hope you enjoy it, the ask box is still going, and i hope you all have an amazing day today!

I slipped into my bedroom without switching on the light. Dulcie was already tucked up in bed with one of her romance novels, and I knew that Freddie would follow suit as soon as the washing up was done. I also knew neither of them could hear anything that went on in my bedroom from previous experience - mostly all-night marathons of cartoons when my laptop could still reliably stream TV.

Closing the door carefully, and taking the time to jam it shut with an old phone book so that no one could barge in without knocking - I might not have ever been a Girl Guide, but I was always prepared - I walked over to my desk, awkwardly leaning over it to shimmy open the window and call out.

"Jasper?"

It was more of a hiss, really. Not exactly the girlish vision of a balcony scene. And I felt kind of silly - there was the chance I was imagining things. But if I was wrong, no one would hear me, so that made it less ridiculous. And the fact that I was certain that's why my dream and the cards were telling me. No vermin or possums or debris in the roof; Jasper Cullen was, for reasons known only to him (and possibly the future that involved the debasement of the downstairs gurney) hanging out on our roof at night. Specifically, over my window.

And it was completely anti-social, inhuman, and borderline stalker behaviour. Well, total stalker behaviour. But at the same time, he wasn't human. And he had no other way to get to me; I didn't go to school, and I was still under house arrest, even after the debacle with the Lamia. I was sympathetic. The vision of Jasper telling Mrs Cullen that I was the first person to care if he got hurt haunted me. I couldn't imagine being that completely and utterly alone. And I couldn't bear the idea of Jasper, my Jasper, being that alone. Was still that alone.

"Jasper, I know you're there," I hissed again, and waited.

The night was still for a moment before I heard some movement. But instead of him popping into view, there was a blur of movement from the tree next to the house onto the roof-proper.

Well.

Two could play that game.

It was cold tonight and my bedroom seemed to be colder than the rest of the apartment, so I was wearing a long flannel nightgown I’d thrifted. It was deeply unflattering, but so warm; I just looked like some kind of quasi-80s Victorian doll they sold on infomercials. Not exactly the look I wanted when I finally got to talk to Jasper for the first time in private, but I didn’t have time to change or he might leave. I jammed my feet into some shoes beside my desk, and dragged a Forks hoodie over my nightgown before I climbed onto my desk and then out of the window.

There was just enough ledge to balance on my toes and inch along from my window gingerly - immediately regretting my choice of clogs that felt awkward and insecure. But determination won out and I kept inching my way along. The hulking tree that shaded this side of the house was currently the MVP of this debacle - it hid me from view of anyone who might be driving past the funeral home. Nosy neighbours had caught me out a few times over the years, and I didn't really want to add to that list.

Finally having reached the edge of my window, I hoisted myself up by the frame, my fingers clawing for a hold as I somehow manoeuvered myself upwards until I got to the narrow flat roof top, where one Jasper Cullen was looking stunned. Not that I blamed him; it was less 'parkour' that got me up this high, and more 'roadkill frenzy'. The shoes were a bad choice.

"Miss Brandon." His voice is dry again, like he hasn't been talking

"I called out to you," I said grumpily, landing heavily beside him. I'm positive I look insane, with my hair all frizzy and this stupid nightgown. It even had ruffled cuffs and collar that were poking out of the hoodie.

I should have altered it when I bought it. It was just so snug.

"I heard you," Jasper looks down. "I didn't expect you to follow me."

"Neither did I," I reply. "It was a spur-of-the-moment decision." He's here. Right here, with me, and there are no witnesses, no nosy adults eavesdropping, and… just the two of us.

Jasper looks younger up-close. More fragile, like he's being held together by luck and determination, and the next terrible thing could tear him open. He somehow looks more and less human, sitting beside me trying not to look at me.

"Why are you here?" I asked quietly, tucking my hands inside my sleeves. "I just… want to know why you've been creeping around the roof of my house without saying anything."

And suddenly the daisy in the water glass on my nightstand makes sense. We didn't have any blooming daisies, but it could have easily been snuck in by a supernatural guest.

"I didn't want to scare you," he says after a pause. "I just wanted to make sure you were safe."

"You didn't scare me. It's just easier to get to know someone when you talk to them," I span to face him, crossing my legs to keep them under my nightgown - it was cold on the roof. "And I am safe. Most things that come through this area don't venture into town. They don't want to risk being caught."

"No, that's… I was worried your people were upset at the last two meetings," Jasper looks at me. "Mad at you."

"Oh!" I sit back. "No, no one would hurt me. Just a lot of yelling and house arrest. Freddie said that having my jeans ruined by lamia puke was worse than any punishment he could think up."

"You had a bruise on your face at the meeting. It's gone now." Jasper sounded uncertain and it was a strange tone for this stoic guy to use. Both times we had met, he had seemed like a half-wild creature, something much older and more dangerous than I could comprehend. In my visions, there was an energy to him - serious but affectionate and he had this energy about him, almost a playfulness around me. But here and now, he was ill-at-ease but trying desperately to keep it together.

"I fainted in the prep room," I said. "I hit my head. No one is hurting me, Jasper, I promise."

His shoulders relaxed an infinitesimal amount. "I shouldn't be here," he murmured. "Rose is going to kill me. They all told me to stay away from you until Carlisle met with them."

"We don't have to tell them. It can just be our secret," I say quickly, and the way he looks at me is something that I could get used to. I just want to reach out and touch him - push his hair off his face, or run my fingers over the thin scar on his cheek.

"You don't have to protect me," he said. "It's my fault."

"I want to." I want to touch your hair, I want to curl up in your lap, I want to kiss you.

"You're very young," he said doubtfully, but I could hear the waver in his voice.

"I'm nearly seventeen." Roughly, at least. "And we can take it slowly; get to know each other." My inner voice was having a hissy-fit; I needed to encourage him to get closer, not to negotiate some slow trickle to 'friendship'. I had an appointment with this boy on the gurney downstairs, and not the kind that required formaldehyde.

I could almost feel the uncertainty rolling off Jasper.

"Is anyone going to hurt you?" I asked softly. None of the Cullens looked like they would be into violence, but I had also seen the headlock that Emmett Cullen had put Jasper in when he had approached me the first time.

"No, no. The Cullens are good people. None of them know how to fight at all," he says. "I just… they did a lot for me. Do a lot for me. I don't want to make things difficult."

"And I'm difficult?"

He chuckles. "I couldn't have seen you coming in a hundred lifetimes." He looks directly at me. They don't want me to hurt you."

//

Getting off the roof is a lot scarier than going up, I realise as I lean over to sort of scramble down to the guttering. It looks a lot more like a fall that could do some serious harm from this angle. But there's no other way to get down from here, and if I get cut up on the roof tiles, there's a first aid kit in the bathroom.

And a vampire watching me with a frown.

As I crawl backwards - it seems like a good idea to go back down facing the roof - my right clog slips right off my foot, rolling down the roof, bouncing off the guttering and landing in the flowerbed below. I gasp as soon as I lose it, instinctively reaching over to grab it, and the only thing that stops me from following it to the ground is that suddenly Jasper has a fistful of my hoodie, hurling me back up next to him.

"Alice!" It was the most reaction I think I've ever gotten out of him - horrified and exasperated, looking at me like I had just dangled myself over a lions' pit. I would've been fine; I'd fallen out of the tree next to us once when I was younger - I had had grand plans for a Victorian treehouse I could access through my window, and had hauled up planks of wood for the flooring but failed to remember to secure them to the tree. A broken arm (that had healed cleanly in two weeks), fourteen stitches in my head, and a concussion had been the result. å

I'm expecting Jasper to scold me, to read me the riot act of being an idiot - both Freddie and Sue had yelled at me for forgetting to think in the past, and Dulcie usually told me that I didn't have the sense God gave a jellyfish, but he's staring at me, his hand still clenched in the fabric of my hoodie.

"I didn't mean to scare you," I said tentatively.

"You need to be more careful," Jasper said flatly, his voice devoid of emotion. "I can't… you can't get hurt, okay?"

I watch him, watch the play of emotions ripple across his face - frustration, worry, shame, and something I can't decipher.

"I'll be careful," I said, my voice soft and apologetic. "But can you lift me down? I don't think I can get back down by myself."

He looks at me, stunned - I keep surprising this boy - and he nods. Gingerly, I stand up; I am on the roof of a three story building, and the flat space isn't exactly huge. Jasper stands easily, releasing my hoodie to move closer, his arms extended to catch me if I slip.

"Are you ready?" he asks, and I nod.

I'm not sure what I expect, but all of a sudden, I'm swept into a bridal carry. My arms automatically wrap around his neck, and for a second we're just looking at each other. It's ridiculous and corny and cliche, but that's it. There was no stopping this from happening from the very second that I saw him in the woods, but this moment, with his arms cradling me so carefully, this is the moment that I know that Jasper Cullen is my future.

"Ready." I sound a little breathless, even to my own ears. I'm also not expecting to be freefalling for a split second, enough that my head is spinning and I gasp for air. I have no idea the exact jump he made, how he managed it, but in two seconds Jasper is setting me on my feet inside of my bedroom.

I ruin it by half falling backwards onto my bed, disorientated.

"Are you okay? I made sure your neck was supported?" he asked, immediately looming over me.

"It was so fast," I gasped, sitting up again. "How did you get us both through the window?" I thought of the weird little seal-wiggle I'd had to manage to get through on my own.

"Jumped," he answers, still inspecting me.

"I'm okay," I reassure him. "My neck's fine." That makes him relax, and I am once again intrigued by what he knows of humans, what he remembers of humanity.

"You need to get some sleep," he says, standing straight but keeping his eyes on the floor.

"Thank you for getting me off the roof, Jasper," I say, managing to stand up. Feeling bold, I reach out and grab his hand to squeeze it. "Maybe you can come by again?"

He looks at our joined hands and nods slowly. "I can come back." It almost sounds like he's asking a question.

//

I roll over the next morning, still in the hoodie. My window is open a crack, and there's feeble sunshine peering from behind the curtains that I've left knotted up.

And balanced on my window sill, with a little blue flower picked from the lawn resting on the toe, was my missing shoe.

[reigningqueenofwords]

Welcome to Stanford

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Part 2 of Welcome to the Family

Leaning against the side of the Impala, you shook your head at Dean. Instead of just knocking on the door in the morning- like a normal human being- he thought that breaking into his brother’s apartment was the way to go. You let out a sigh, crossing your ankle over the other, hoping that this didn’t take all night.

Finally, out came Dean, followed by a taller guy. You figured that was Sam. Dean grinned at you, while Sam paused for a split second. “Sorry that took so long, baby. We got into a bit of hand to hand combat.” He smirked, moving forward and pulling you into a one armed hug and kissing the top of your head.

“That’s what you get for breaking in and not knocking.” You teased him. “You fill him in yet?”

He shook his head. “Nah, his, uh, girlfriend was up. So, here we are.” Dean explained, shrugging. “Y/N, this is Sammy, Sammy, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.” He introduced the two of you before moving to the back of the Impala and popping the trunk.

Sam followed him, glancing at you for a moment before listening to what Dean had to say. “What do you think?” He asked you, taking you off guard.

“Me?” He chuckled and nodded. “I’m worried.” You told him. “This isn’t like John, he contacts at least one of us. Three days without a single word is unheard of.” Even if he didn’t think to call Dean, he would call you.

Sam was upfront telling Dean he had to be back by Monday while you were in the back, simply letting them catch up. You knew things were strained, so this was better than you could have hoped for.

After a bit, Sam turned to you. “How’d you get sucked into the family business?”

You laughed. “Uh, I grew up in the life. Started hunting with John and Dean when I was 19.” You explained, leaning forward, putting your hand on Dean’s chest. “I couldn’t stand this stubborn son of a bitch.”

Dean laughed and shook his head. “You were no peach yourself, sweetheart.” He smirked.

“Anyways, I almost died. Landed in the hospital. Apparently Dean only left my side to shower and change.” You were looking at Dean fondly. “Been his ever since.”

“And I’ve been hers.” Dean grinned, proudly, his hand resting on top of yours for a moment.

Sam looked impressed. “Wow. Dean sticking with one woman.” He teased, making you playfully slap his arm. “Seriously, man. I’m happy for you.” Sam grinned, showing off his dimples.

Everything seemed to fly by after that. Finding John’s motel room, the woman in white, and Sam finding Jess. He was a wreck after that, not that he let it show all that much. More than once you’d wake up in the middle of the night to him watching infomercials. “Dude. Take a damn sleeping pill.” You would mutter, teasing him. “Or something.” He would shake his head, chuckling as you would yawn, putting your head back on Dean’s chest.

You never saw how he’d watch the two of you for a moment before looking back towards the TV. Letting out a sigh, he’d lean his head back, and go back to whatever they were selling on television. That was better than what he saw when he closed his eyes.

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Perfection

This is another Lila episode, so get ready for dumb writing and lies only an infant would find convincing.

Let's get into the twelfth episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fifth season: Perfection

We start off with a sort of funny scene of Ladybug and Cat Noir doing heroic things while casually discussing the new relationships they're both in, unaware that they're talking about each other. It's less the irony that I like, but just the visuals showing how they're so experienced as superheroes at this point, they can casually chat while saving people.

Of course, even though the last scene confirmed that Marinette and Adrien are officially dating after four and a half seasons, the main conflict for the civilian plotline is that Marinette somehow isn't able to simply tell Adrien that she loves him. So basically, even though they're now in a relationship, the show is still going to rely on Marinette stuttering around Adrien like an idiot. Oh, thank God! I thought the writers were actually going to have Marinette and Adrien talk with each other like humans beings for a second there.

We then get a montage of Marinette struggling to get closer to Adrien, stumbling around and breaking stuff as if she was a character in an infomercial, culminating in a scene where Marinette attempts to confess to a picture of a cow, only to say “I love moo” instead. Get used to her saying this, because it's going to be a running gag.

During the aforementioned montage, we get a decent moment where Lila helps Chloe realize she needs to be more discreet when it comes to screwing with Marinette instead of her usual blunt attitude, which does a good job showing the one thing that sets Chloe and Lila apart: Their approaches to dealing with Marinette. It's not much, but it's something.

Meanwhile, the writers remembered Adrien is a musician, as he wrote a song for Marinette. A bunch of their friends come over to the Liberty, including Kagami.

Adrien: It's great to see you here, Kagami. You get to hear the song I wrote for Marinette.

Kagami: You made your feelings clear and you're dealing with them. That's good. I'm very proud of you.

Man, even the characters are glad the Love Square is finally going somewhere.

After another scene where Marinette once again tries to confess to the picture of a cow (the writers are really running with this gag, aren't they?), Adrien starts to perform the song he wrote for Marinette. Fun Fact: Adrien was originally going to sing a cover of that one song from Miami Connection, but Luka helped convince him that it would be better if he used his own song instead.

As for the song itself? Well, the music itself is nice, but the lyrics? They're decent, showing how Adrien doesn't want anything complex from his relationship with Marinette, but I'm just going to say it: I don't like the way Bryce Papenbrook sings. Like, I don't know how to describe it. It's not awful, but I just don't like the way he delivers the lyrics. He just sounds so monotone when he sings, which makes it hard to take this grand romantic gesture seriously.

Marinette once again struggles to tell Adrien she loves him, so we get even more of Marinette blaming other things for her hesitance, but not before we get more jokes about the cow picture.

Marinette: I'm just grabbing the cow to tell Adrien that I love him because I have the "I love" but not the “moo”. I know it's ridiculous. I'm ridiculous.

You know, at least C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa, a show full of cow puns, actually did more with the jokes instead of just saying the words “cow” and “moo”.

Kagami tries to talk to Marinette, only for her to essentially be ignored. After Marinette transforms into Ladybug as an excuse to get out of there, Kagami then decides to call Lila about Marinette failing some kind of “friendship test”.

Kagami: You were right, Lila. I checked every box on your friendship test. Marinette doesn't consider me her best friend. I'm not even sure she ever considered me a friend.

Lila: Oh, no, Kagami... I'm so sorry she didn't see all the effort you've been making to get closer to her. Someone as amazing as you deserves a more considerate friend and... I'd be honored to be that friend.

I know I used this clip last time, but this is essentially the same problem I had there. Lila only had a single line in this episode before this scene, and it was her talking to Chloe, and I don't think Lila and Kagami have even shared a scene together before this episode, much less exchange numbers. Yeah, Kagami had been checking off things on a sheet of paper earlier in the episode, but we never got any explanation as to where and when Lila even gave her the friendship test. While we know that Lila's test was obviously fake, it seems out of character for Kagami to be this gullible, given that she was able to easily see through Adrien's lies last season (Lies).

Kagami then decides to just give up on having friends entirely, deleting all of her contacts except her mother's. I'm not sure if it was an animation error, or if the writers forgot, but for some reason, Adrien wasn't listed in there. We then cut to Lila, cutting Marinette's face out of some random pictures she got.

The scene's clearly supposed to be menacing, but I'd be more invested if I actually knew why Lila was so obsessed with Marinette outside of Marinette telling her to stop being a liar.

Kagami goes somewhere so she can be alone where she cries, where Monarch senses this and akumatizes her into Ryukomori through her ring.

Ryukomori's design is simple, but I think the concept behind it and use of Miraculous power makes it work. Monarch gives her the power to make it hard for her to see or hear anyone (insert your own Helen Keller joke here), and thanks to the Dragon Miraculous's Wind/Lightning/Water Dragon, Ryukomori is now a giant cloud person who can shoot lightning. Yeah, you have to wonder why Monarch gave her powers that would make it harder to see people, much less get Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous, but this is the kind of stuff I wanted to see from the Miraculous powers used this season: Past heroes getting akumatized and having perverted versions of the powers they're familiar with.

Adrien sees this and transforms into Cat Noir, meeting up with Ladybug and showing her the friendship test he found earlier. Ladybug and Cat Noir try to talk with Ryukomori, but in her current state, it's hard to talk to her, so they'll need to find a different way to communicate. Ladybug and Cat Noir try arranging some cars into a kanji sign.

Hey, this is a French show! I'm supposed to be seeing french words I don't understand, not Japanese words I don't understand.

Ryukomori ignores the kanji, so now, the two have to come up with another plan while Monarch goads her into trying to kill them so she can finally be alone, whipping up a storm in anger.

Ladybug summons her Lucky Charm, a box of ironing beads, and gets an idea. Cat Noir goes to Socqueline's art shop (because I guess the animators really want to get their money's worth out of this character model and set) for supplies while Ladybug assembles a bunch of her friends and shows her a picture she made using the beads, wanting to make a bigger one for Ryukomori to see by holding up these panels to reveal it.

As simplistic as it is, it's a pretty cute visual, and it does the trick, causing Ryukomori to reject the Akuma. While I guess the Akuma was already de-evilized by Kagami, Ladybug hands her a Magical Charm as the students cheer for her.

Marinette apologizes to Kagami about how insensitive she was, but Kagami explains that she feels pressured to be perfect around others, which is meant to parallel Marinette's anxiety around Adrien. The two make up, and Marinette calls Kagami her best friend alongside Alya. Of course, Marinette somehow never asked about the friendship test, because that would actually clear everything up, and then we wouldn't have Kagami and Lila becoming friends again. Marinette and Alya talk about what exactly is keeping her from getting closer to Adrien, something that they'll figure out together. And so the episode ends with Tomoe storming into Gabriel's office that she endangered her daughter's life by akumatizing her... ignoring the last four times she's been akumatized (Riposte, Heroes' Day, Oni-Chan, Lies). In fact, if she's working with Gabriel, shouldn't she know Kagami was also Ryuko, and—okay, forget it, episode's over.

This episode was very hit or miss. The scenes with Ryukomori were well done. I like the way they called back to earlier episodes and how emotional the memories made Ryukomori, and the overall message of friendship was handled pretty well. But while I really like the way Ryukomori was handled, the road there was a pretty bumpy one. The subplot with Marinette wasn't funny, Adrien's song was really forgettable, and the writers just expect us to assume Kagami would fall for Lila's lies when earlier episodes have shown how perceptive she is. I get that the episode's probably setting up Kagami learning the truth in a later episode, it seems very out of character for her.

Overall, this episode just had a great Akuma fight, and a mediocre first half. Nothing too special, but it's still better than “Illusion” or “Determination”.

THE BIGGEST IDIOT OF THE EPISODE IS... KAGAMI

While Marinette came close thanks for her inability to say three basic words, Kagami ended up taking the award home. Not only did she fall for Lila's lies without even questioning her, she assumed that Marinette didn't care for her in the slightest, and after that, decided she had no other friends, not even Adrien, and after everything that happened, she still chose to believe Lila even though her test ended up being false when earlier episodes showed her being able to see through lies.

[bardic-tales]

Tumblr Games: Vague Summaries

Thank you so much for the tag, @thebadphilosopher. Love your answer to this.

Rules: Summarize your WIP vaguely.

Open Tag

I decided to do this chapter by chapter for Blood and Stardust, my Final Fantasy VII fan fiction. It's going to go beneath a Read More so I don't really spoil anyone on it. This is taken from my outline. It is heavily spoilery.

content warning: arson, murder

Bianca is limping up a staircase with serious “main character energy” while ignoring her PTSD and a sword that keeps sassing her.

Sephiroth reaches for a book and ends up catching a very traumatized woman from another dimension instead. Classic Meet-Cute.

Pumpkin muffins and trauma bonding. It's a breakfast of champions.

Sephiroth spills his emotional baggage. Jenova whispers nonsense to him. Bianca regrets asking about his day.

Bianca plays nurse. Sephiroth gets awkward about his feelings. And they both notice a mysterious glowing thread around their wrists that looks like it belongs to a rave bracelet.

Sephiroth has an existential crisis. Bianca dodges questions. No one learns anything.

That rave bracelet keeps glowing! WTF. Sephiroth keeps brooding. Jenova's whispering reaches infomercial levels. Can I interest you in a Meteor?

Sephiroth kisses Bianca after some pumpkin soup and backstory. Jenova excitedly exclaims 'Finally, it's time to shine!'

Passion happens. A Mother moves in. Sephiroth decides locking Bianca in a room is romantic now.

Bianca escapes her Sephiroth-imposed timeout to find him doing his best 'Final Boss' sequence in Nibelheim.

"Who gave you fire privileges?!” Bianca, saving villagers while Sephiroth unleashes his villain arc. Zack shows up and is like 'What did I miss?! Who are you?! What's going on?!'

Villagers burn. Swords Clashes. Bianca starts to wonder if maybe dating this would-be world destroyer is a bad idea. Yes, Bia. It is.

Sephiroth has a mako meltdown. Bianca gets a crash course in why angels do not love mortals. That glowing rave bracelt refuses to let them ghost each other.

Everything goes downhill faster than Sephiroth's sanity as Bianca faces the fallout of literally everything, as she listens to Diana and Hojo plotting her inevitable descent into a science project.

[followmybones]

Bones' 2023 Halloween Event 🎃

Goblins, ghouls, and sheet ghosts, it’s that time of the year again, Halloween. We’re talking too much glitter, unsettlingly realistic makeup, and even fake teeth; there’s the perfect costume for everyone. Put on a mask or even ditch the shirt for the night, but what better way to celebrate Halloween than with a couple's costume! Have you ever wondered what costume you and your favorite character would wear together? Well, I'm here to help, with this very infomercial-sounding event intro! 

This event is open from now (28 September) and ends 20 October. I want to ensure that I have enough time to get everything done so that everything will be ready to post the weekend before Halloween! 

This is a selfship-based event which means for this event, you get to choose the character your post is about! In return for joining this event, you’ll get what costume I think would fit you and your character, a photo or two of the costumes, some runner-up costume ideas, how I think your character would come up with the idea for your costumes, and a few extra hcs about the costumes.

Rules for this event: 

One character/post per person

Anyone is allowed to join, anons are welcome.

If you want to send in an ask for an OC + character instead of yourself, that's totally fine!

Everything will stay sfw, at most it'll only be suggestive, so I ask that you keep the ask you send in sfw as well. This blog and event are for people of all ages, and I would like to keep it a safe space for everyone. 

I have every right to deny a request for any reason (it’s unlikely, but still).

This is just for fun, so if you don't like the results, don't send me hate, it's for funsie, it's not that serious.

To find out what you and your fav (selfship or platonic) would wear here is what you should include in an ask to join this event:

First off, what character do you want your post to be written for? A list of the fandoms and characters I'm accepting for this event can be found at the bottom of this post. 

Tell me about the relationship between you and the character of your choice! Are you guys dating, just friends? What is your relationship like, are they the sun to your moon, are you two idiots in love, rivals to lovers, frienemies but somehow still besties, help me get to know the dynamic between you two!

I’d also like to know about you, describe your personality in a few simple words, and maybe include your pronouns! I'd like to get to know your vibe a bit!

Tell me a bit about how you dress, specifically; do you tend to dress feminine, or masculine, do you not care, do you dress androgynously, somewhere between masc & fem in a genderless way that keeps people guessing? Or is there any particular way you’re not comfortable dressing? Is modesty important to you? Seems silly, but I want to make sure I don't recommend costumes that might make you uncomfy or give you dysphoria/dysmorphia.

A broad category of costumes to get me started in a general direction (examples: cute, scary, character costumes, something silly, one of the classic cheesy couples costumes, retro/period costumes, anything you can think of that’s still pretty general)

Who’s idea was it for the costumes, did you come up with the idea, did they, or did someone else suggest it? (Ultimately for the purposes of this event, the character will be the one “picking” the costume).

Not required, but maybe even tell me how the conversation about the costume went, did you have to convince them? Did they have to convince you? Were you both mutually excited about it, or are you just doing it for a costume contest because you want that gift card that the first-place winners gets? 

Quick suggestion: not required, but if you plan to send in an anon ask, maybe sign it with an emoji or something to make sure you know which request is yours

Quick note: everything will be written with a modern AU in mind (kinda), this is mainly for arcane and my hero, since the rest of what I write is still pretty built into the world we live in

Characters I'm willing to write, organized by fandom:

Arcane:  Jayce, Viktor, Silco, Vander, Ekko, Jinx, Vi, Caitlyn

Obey Me:   Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Diavolo, Barbatos, Solomon, Simeon, + Luke (platonically only)

MHA:  Izuku Midoriya, Katsuki Bakugo, Shoto Todoroki, Tenya Iida, Denki Kaminari, Sero Hanta, Ejiro Kirishima, Fumikage Tokoyami, Tsuyu Asui, Ochako Uraraka, Momo Yaoyorozu, Mina Ashido, Kyoka Jiro, Hitsohi Shinso, Mirio Togata, Nejire Hado, Tamaki Amajiki, Shota Aizawa, Hizashi Yamada, Nemuri Kayama (Midnight), Hawks, Dabi, Tomura Shigaraki, Toga Himiko, Twice (Jin Bubaigawara)

COD: MWII versions of task force 141 (Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Price) + Alejandro & Rudy 

Haikyuu: Shoyo Hinata, Tobio Kageyama, Kei Tsukishima, Tadashi Yamaguchi, Daichi Sawamura, Kōshi Sugawara, "Suga", Asahi Azumane, Yū Nishinoya, Ryūnosuke Tanaka, Kiyoko Shimizu, Hitoka Yachi, Tōru Oikawa, Issei Matsukawa, Takahiro Hanamaki "Makki", Hajime Iwaizumi, Tetsurō Kuroo, Kenma Kozume, Takanobu Aone, Kōtarō Bokuto, Keiji Akaashi, Wakatoshi Ushijima, Satori Tendō, Shinsuke Kita, Atsumu Miya, Osamu Miya, Rintarō Suna, Kiyoomi Sakusa 

Feel free to shoot me an ask or message me with any questions you might have. I hope to see you all in my asks! Enjoy your spooky season, and stay safe out there <3

[dragonmistressivy]

So guess fucking what. The school counselor is out today and was actually going to see her because everything in school has reached a breaking point where if it continues i will completely break and i can’t have that. Seriously of all days she has to be gone today was the day she was gone? I hate it all. Seriously why couldn’t i have just been homeschooled since elementary. I would have a better mental health. But no i need to socialize. How the fuck do i do that when all i can focus on is everyone else having something i need but don’t have and me then getting so fucking jealous i want to kill them and become them. I hate it. Also i can’t let people see or hear me and i have to do a fucking infomercial for civics where i have to be seen and heard. Kill me please. Why can’t the school just buen down. Preferably with me in it. I can’t wait til i eventually die. Can i please just due. Please. My life is already in ruins. And because of the fact i can’t force myself to do the assignment for civics my grade will go from a high f almost low d to a very very low f and i will be dragging other people down with me because it is a group assignment. I hate it. I need to be put down because i can’t be happy in this life. End me please.

Am writing tgis at lunch because it is the onlt time you are allowed to have your phone out. I can’t even listen to mudic when doing individual assignments. Everything is too fucking much. I hate it. Can everything just stop. I want out of this neverending miserable cycle of failing and then breaking down about failing causing people to get farther away from me instead of helping me, and slso then failing nore then breaking down more repeat infinity. I hate it all. I am either npt graduating or am going to drop out because i can’t stand existence. Mot luke i am getting into college so why try? The deadline for some colleges are getting closer snd i haven’t even started snd don’t have the soul to do snything about it because school is stealing my very being. I hatenit all. I can’t wait til i am finally dead and out of this hellhole people call the real world. Aldo why live if life is only suffering? And if these years are truly the best in my life like adults live telling me then i am ending myself because it gets worse. I peaked as a child and it has all been downhill until i die when it will finally peak. I hope i get cremated because i want to be as least of a burden as i can be on my family. I can’t wait until i die. Have to unfortunately go now so can’t write more.

[just-horrible-things]

'Verse: Resistance Story: Unlikely Salvation, co-author @whump-sprite Timeline: Arc 2

Riot, pt1 [ First | Prev | Next ]

Sirens in the night are nothing unusual. Ariadne isn’t sure at first – when they filter into her nightmares and drag her back to reality – why she’s even woken up. The sirens aren’t close enough to have to worry about.

It’s a relief to be awake, at least.

She pushes the covers off a little so that the sweat on her skin can dry, and stares up at the ceiling to wait out the afterimages of blood. If she doesn’t think about it, she’ll forget what the dream even was.

The sirens rise and fall, two or maybe even three layered over each other. Normal for a city night. Like traffic and car horns and occasional raised voices, it’s a sound she’s been sleeping through since infancy.

Not so normal, perhaps, for it to continue unbroken for so long. How long was she hearing it before she even woke up?

She checks the clock – 2AM – rolls over, and tries to get back to sleep.

It doesn’t happen. Time crawls past. A couple of times the sirens stop. The quiet is almost as oppressive as the noise. Soon enough it starts up again. Something’s going on out there, and she’s just glad it isn’t her problem.

No more all-hands-on-deck calls to work in the middle of the night, not for her. No more knocking back instant coffee and driving in with music blasting and the air con set to freezing to try and wake herself up. 

… Instead she’s awake anyway and treading the same old circles over again.

At roughly 4AM she gives up on sleep.

She gets up, craving coffee but recognising that it’s a bad idea, and goes to the kitchen to rifle through the cupboards for an alternative.

The light is on, and Alex is sitting at the table, pale fingers wrapped around a mostly empty water glass.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he says, as if it wasn’t obvious. “Me neither.” Ari gets herself a glass and joins him at the table. “Bad dreams?” “No.” Bad dreams are when she wakes sobbing uncontrollably, or even screaming. Bad dreams are the kind that take hours to shake off. She’s already forgotten what the nightmare was. “Just the noise.” Alex nods.

Ari drinks her water, and turns her glass between her hands. When she realises she’s copying Alex’s fidget, she stops. She gets up.

“I’m going to check the news,” she says. If Alex doesn’t want to see that right now, it’s a warning to close the door or retreat to another room. Instead he follows.

The television came with the apartment. It’s ancient, but it works. Most of the time.

Usually at this hour the only thing on the news would be repackaged content. Summaries of the day's news, reused clips, and infomercials and stale PSAs to fill out the gaps. Something for the graveyard shift to look at, but nothing that takes effort to produce.

True to form, the CRT pings to life midway through an uninspiringly cheery reminder to support the home country by buying US-manufactured goods. Ari’s seen the clip before, maybe years ago. It wasn’t any less insipid then.

But after they suffer through the tail end of the PSA, the TV cuts to a live update. 

The anchor is a placid, aging woman in enough makeup to hide any evidence of exhaustion, despite the time. She wears a faint, neutral smile as she reads from the prompt behind the camera, assuring the audience that the police have the situation in hand. Anyone in the area is advised to stay indoors. It is likely to be resolved by morning.

Gang-related violence, the script claims. Mostly property damage. There’s no footage from the scene, but there are a handful of still images. Store fronts smashed in. Police vehicles in the streets. 

“Let’s stay in today,” Ari suggests. Alex hums. “Do you think it will be over by morning?” “They’d say that regardless.” 

The live broadcast finishes, a brief jingle plays, and a guy in a brightly lit studio starts threatening to recap the sports news. Ari turns the TV off. 

“Did you see the shot with the Staples? That doesn’t say gang violence to me. No one does a smash-and-grab on a Staples.” Alex nods his head. His lips are pressed together in a troubled line. “You think it’s a riot?” “A few people who’d like to start one maybe. I didn’t see anyone in the streets. It looked like the police had already arrested or chased them off, at least.” Alex’s frown deepens, tinged with judgment. “I’m not saying that’s a good or a bad thing,” Ari backpedals, “just, maybe it means it will be over by morning.”

It isn’t.

The oppressive siren wail continues to filter in through the walls of the building. Sometimes it stops for half an hour, an hour, then it starts up again.

Breakfast, when Alex declares it a little before seven, is a welcome distraction.

They have pancakes. Alex divides the pack between two plates and puts them in the microwave, while Ari mixes him a cocoa. She puts a spoonful of cocoa in her coffee as well. Alex pours a generous serve of syrup over his pancakes, and tops them with a squirt of cream. Ari is a little more restrained with the syrup.

They eat in silence, more or less. A couple of halting attempts at normal conversation, the price of gas and Ari’s need for a new winter coat. The sirens are closer now, louder.

Ariadne washes up.

Instead of going out for her morning run, she clears a space in the main room to work out on the floor. A few minutes in, Alex appears in the doorway and kind of just loiters there looking uncertain. Ari pulls out an earphone to ask him what’s up.

“Put the music on speaker?” So she does, and when he reaches for the weights she puts them into his hands. She smiles, and tentatively he smiles back.

It’s a kind of camaraderie she didn’t think she’d get again. Between that and the simple physical rush of working her body – and knowing that it does work, still, against the odds – some of the anxiety lifts from her shoulders.

While Alex showers, she lies flat on her back on the floor and just enjoys the warmth in her limbs, the prickle across her skin.

It’s then that she hears the first shots. Not close, but unmistakable. She sits up instantly, alert despite the distance. 

It takes her a minute to find the TV remote, dropped while she was moving furniture. When she finds it, the overnight newscaster has been replaced by a slightly tousled young man in a suit that’s just a little too short at the wrists on him.

There are more pictures now, and some video clips – mostly shaky and low quality. More property damage, smoke in the streets. Figures scurrying away from the camera, or pulling jackets and t-shirts over their heads to hide their faces.

Not a dense crowd yet.

The pipes clunk as Alex turns the water off. A minute later, fully dressed but hair still dripping onto his clothes, he joins Ariadne. They listen as the anchor describes and discusses while scrupulously avoiding the word riot.

Some of the shots are way too close for comfort. Streets they know, stores they’ve been inside.

The instruction to stay indoors is repeated more firmly. Threats follow – vague and couched in the formal language of civil disorder and punitive measures and detained as necessary.

“Turn it off,” Alex says. She does.

“No work today,” she observes. “I’ll text. Let them know.” “Yeah.”

There’s not a lot to be said. Alex has that prickly air about him, like he does when he’s seeing Ariadne for the things she’s done, not… whatever she is to him now. It’s not unfair. She still needs to shower anyway, which is a good excuse to get out of his hair. 

As she’s undressing, she hears him put music on again, and turn the volume up until it’s straining the speakers on his phone.

[Next]

[rosenallies]

Maybe number 1 for preacher's son au, Rosie had an out-of-town gig a few days before christmas but there was a storm and he couldn't get home to Nali :(

poor nali 😔💔

1. being alone on Christmas Eve

2. fights on Christmas

——

Denali sat on the cold hardwood floor, his knees tucked to his chest as he watched the storm coat the city in a blanket of white. The usual hustle and bustle of the city outside their window was still and quiet, whether that be the storm or the fact that it was Christmas Eve and everyone but him was spending time with loved ones.

All he had was Rosé, who’d hardly been home for weeks and was now still stuck hours away by plane, the storm meaning no planes were coming in or out of the city, the holiday be damned.

Looking at the small amount of decorations they’d put up in their tiny apartment made Denali sad, his chest aching with loneliness, it reminded him of when he was still stuck at home with his suffocatingly religious family. He remembers one Christmas where he’d snuck away from his house and ended up at Rosé’s, sobbing into his chest about how lonely and terrible he felt. Rosé promised him he’d never feel alone during the holidays ever again. He’d been able to keep that promise up until this year.

Even though it was barely 10, Denali dragged himself to bed, suddenly exhausted from crying and letting his thoughts spiral. There was a shall glimmer of hope in him that sometime in the night Rosé would make it home and fall into bed with him.

He held that hope within him all night until the late morning when he finally let himself let go of that hope as he peeled himself from bed, even though it felt pointless because what else was he supposed to do all by himself on Christmas Day?

Instead of enjoying the day with his partner, Denali layer on the couch, flipping through channels and watching anything but Christmas films, even watching an hour and a half of infomercials at one point because he swore every other channel was playing something Christmassy.

At one point, he’d fallen asleep, woken up by the front door being opened and closed, footsteps coming down the hall into the living room.

“Nali?” Rosé said softly as he entered, finding Denali just blinking awake from his nap.

A mix of emotions flooded him still at once, he felt grateful Rosé was home but he couldn’t help but burst into tears, his frustrations and sadness from the past day and a half coming out all at once.

“Oh, baby, no,” Rosé cooed, rushing to sit beside him on the couch. He had to brush off his hurt when Denali pushed away his hands that reached out to physically soothe him.

“Y-you p-promised me, I-I was alone!” he cried, “you said I’d never be alone on the holidays ever again!”

Guilt turned Rosé’s stomach. He knew the storm wasn’t his fault, but he did know he was cutting it close with taking a gig out of town on the 23rd when the storm had been in the forecast for weeks. Truth be told, he’d felt guilty for a while taking so many out of town gigs. Denali had assured him it had been fine when he was gone on Thanksgiving, but he had a feeling that’s when Denali started to get lonely. It was something they’d talked about when he got cast on Drag Race and they’d both agreed he took the gigs he could get now before they slowed down, though neither of them really understood how many that would be.

“I know, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry? Is that all you have to say?”

Denali knew deep down he was being unreasonable, but he couldn’t stop his voice from raising and his words from coming out so sharp.

Rosé sighed, his shoulders slumping. “That’s all I can say. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here and that I haven’t been. I know the holidays are hard for you still and I was selfish, I am being selfish. I should have made sure I kept the week free.”

Sniffling and rubbing his eyes, Denali was able to take a deep breath, gather his thoughts and feelings and think. “I-I just miss you. I don’t want to fight.”

“I don’t want to either. I’m sure you’re still upset with me and I know the day’s nearly over, but we could still do Christmas? Or should we start over? Maybe tomorrow’s Christmas instead, I can’t erase yesterday and today but we can start over. Do you still have the stuff you got for me to cook for Christmas Eve dinner?”

“I mean, yeah, I didn’t eat all that myself, but Rosie, you don’t have to do this. We could just have the rest of the evening together. Don’t you have another gig tomorrow?”

Rosé shrugged. “I think I’m coming down with a cold that’s gonna knock me out until after New Years so it really isn’t safe to travel.”

A smile spread across Denali’s face. “Really? You’d do that for me? Cancel your gigs? You really don’t have to.”

Kissing him softly and then resting their foreheads together, Rosé spoke quietly and sincerely. “I’d do anything for you.”

[starseedfxofficial]

Trump Tariffs Shake APAC Stocks: Forex Traders Take Note The Hidden Forces That Make or Break Markets: Trump Tariff Drama Unfolds Picture this: You’re on a Monday morning high, feeling good about your gains, and then bam! You hear news that feels like you’ve ordered a cappuccino, and they've handed you black coffee—unexpected, confusing, and definitely not what you wanted. That's the exact emotional rollercoaster Asia-Pacific stocks have been riding today. All because of a man named Donald Trump and his habit of shaking the global economic cocktail with unexpected ingredients. Trump's latest announcement? New tariffs, with a dash of extra drama for good measure: 25% on everything from Mexico and Canada, plus an additional 10% on China—yes, an additional 10%, beyond whatever tariff monstrosity already existed. You know, it’s like paying extra for that ‘secret’ guac on your burrito only to realize it's still made of avocado. The implications are simple: Trade tensions are about to go from simmering to a rolling boil, and markets are reacting accordingly. Not surprisingly, APAC stocks couldn’t decide how to react—some up, some down, all mostly jittery like someone double-dosed on espresso. Meanwhile, over in Europe, the Euro Stoxx 50 futures have flipped from optimism to a negative 0.9%, effectively taking back their 0.2% happy Monday vibes. It’s like they got a pep talk from a motivational speaker only to realize they were listening to an infomercial instead. And while equity markets wrestled with their emotions, the U.S. Dollar Index (DXY) decided to put on its Superman cape, climbing back above the 107 mark. The True Dynamics Behind Dollar Moves: Don’t Get Fooled So, what’s making the dollar so firm? Honestly, it's less about being strong and more about everything else being weak. Think of it like being the tallest guy at a middle school basketball game—sure, you’re tall here, but the NBA? Eh. In this case, it’s the yen that’s finally flexing, and the euro... well, it stumbled back under the 1.05 mark. Some traders are saying it’s just ‘technical retracement’—I call it classic overpromising and underdelivering. And oh, let’s not forget about Israel. Word on the street is that the Israeli Security Cabinet is looking likely to approve a ceasefire deal. If you’re confused about why this would move markets, just know that Middle Eastern stability—or lack thereof—can move energy prices, and hence currency pairs linked to oil. It’s all one big, interconnected web of cause and effect, like trying to separate the spaghetti once you’ve added the sauce. The Forex Crystal Ball: Trends to Keep an Eye On Looking ahead, here’s where we, as traders, can make magic happen. On tap for today are U.S. Building Permits and the Richmond Fed Index—sounds dull, but these economic indicators are the unsung heroes of understanding the Fed’s next move. And the Fed Minutes? Traders will pore over that like cryptic love notes, looking for any hint of ‘what happens next’ in the grand drama that is global interest rates. But here’s where the real magic happens—if you can dig deeper, you start noticing how minor shifts often foreshadow larger market moves. Like the ECB’s Rehn and BoC’s Mendes speaking later today. Most people will ignore these, but if you know how to read between the lines—you’ll see hints about the next major market swing. Finding Opportunities Where Everyone Else Sees Chaos Here’s the thing about news like this—most traders see fear; you see opportunity. When everyone is panicking about a tariff war, that’s when a nimble trader should be thinking about what’s actually happening beneath the surface. This isn’t just about tariffs—it’s about how the markets react and how we can profit from those reactions. Consider the lesser-known strategies to play this out—like trading synthetic pairs. Instead of focusing on USD/CNY directly, why not consider arbitrage opportunities with other currencies that have indirect exposure to the China-U.S. situation? Or look at trading dollar proxies—sometimes a safer bet than being outright in the middle of a high-stakes tariff dance. Moreover, think of how these tensions impact commodities—gold often surges when there’s uncertainty, and the same goes for safe-haven currencies. Being early to the safe-haven game is like grabbing the best seat at a concert before anyone realizes tickets have gone on sale. Stay Ahead of the Curve with These Tips Not sure how to adapt all of this into your trading plan? Well, that's where our free tools come in. Whether it's getting access to the latest economic indicators or diving into our exclusive Forex courses, we’re here to make sure you’re not just another trader in the crowd—but one with the edge. Take our free trading journal, for example; track how these news catalysts affect your trades and adjust accordingly. Or join our community to swap insights and daily alerts with fellow pros. And listen, if this all feels overwhelming, that’s okay. The pros aren’t pros because they knew everything from day one. They became pros by understanding, adapting, and leveraging insights in ways others don’t. Like you’re doing now. The market isn’t just moved by numbers and technicals—it’s moved by emotions, politics, and surprise guacamole charges from Trump’s tariff antics. Understand that, leverage that, and you’re already ahead of the game. If you want more of these edge-of-the-market insights and advanced tactics, consider checking out the free resources we’ve lined up—from in-depth Forex education to smart trading tools that make navigating days like today a lot less jittery. After all, isn’t that what we all need? —————– Image Credits: Cover image at the top is AI-generated   Read the full article

[opinions-about-tiaras]

So I actually know a little bit about this, due to having to have learned about labor relations at casinos, 1970-2010. (Long story.)

And it wasn't a terrible idea, per se. It made sense with the information that had at the time.

In the late eighties/early 90s, before Vegas reinvented itself (the city tends to re-invent itself every thirty years or so, as one would expect) the city was actually struggling. The casinos were still making money, of course, they're casinos and this was before the explosion of legalized gambling nationwide, but Vegas wasn't seen as glitzy and glamorous anymore.

These days people have a lot of romantic nostalgia for the "old" Las Vegas, you know, the one from movies like Casino, the Dunes, the Sands, the Stardust, where you could listen to Sinatra croon and then run into him and the Rat Pack at the Golden Steer after losing the kids college fund at the slots. That was NOT the case back then; people were still to close to it. Vegas was starting to feel dingy and gross and old in the 80s. The shows seemed dated and uninteresting. Casino floors stank of cigarettes and were populated with... well... a lot of degenerates.

The latter was the problem that the big family-friendly push was designed to address. In the 60s and 70s Vegas actually WAS a place you'd bring your family, that was considered okay. And once it found its feet Circus Circus, which today is a joke, was immensely successfully; as the only truly family-friendly casino on the strip, one of the owners groused that they were "the strips babysitter." It was the casino of choice for the middle class.

But the other casinos had kind of a "donut hole" problem. Degenerate gamblers would show up. Old people would show up. To a certain extent the young and the hip were showing up, as well as high-rollers. But they were missing the middle class. Vegas was not seen in the 80s as a place to bring the family anymore. The middle class was shying away from it.

And the middle class is where the REAL money was. I don't think I agree with "casinos make more money off rich people than random families." Casinos can survive off of degenerates and/or high rollers, there are entire business models based on that but the middle class, respectable professionals with families who will not only drop a couple grand on the floor but pay to see your shows, go to your restaurants, not be shitty about squeezing comps out of you, that's the gold mine. That's where the big, big money is. A whale who drops five million over a weekend twice a year is nice; but the true motherlode is the hundreds of millions you rake in from the teeming masses dropping a couple hundred dollars at a time.

And the middle class was shying away from Vegas. (This problem, by the way, is eventually what killed Atlantic City.)

So, okay, how do we get them back? There was big money prepared to pour into Vegas for re-development, the entire center and south end of the strip was RIPE for it, and the solution they hit on was "make this a respectable place again, glamorous, showy, like it was in the 60s."

Hence, all the family-friendly glitz. I'm so old I remember that when Treasure Island (the casino) was opening, they produced a made-for-tv movie (basically an infomercial) called Treasure Island: The Adventure Begins about a kid who stays there with his parents and teams up with Long John Silver to foil... I forget, cheaters or something. The bribed NBC like two million dollars to air it, and NBC promoted it as a Treasure Island adaptation instead of... what it was.

The idea was to get the middle class back.

And the weird thing is, like the truly "yeah, this makes sense for Vegas" thing is the middle class DID come back... but not because of all the kiddy entertainment stuff, although the marketing blitz around that may have played a role.

The new casinos that rose in the early 90s, the Luxor, the Mirage, MGM Grand, Excalibur, and so on, coupled with some of the older casinos being imploded or getting a design refresh, followed by the late-nineties wave like the Bellagio, succeeded in drawing back the middle class largely on their own merits. They were very nice resorts, they felt good to stay at. The casino floors were bright and welcoming, and while you could still smoke there you didn't feel like you were walking into an ashtray. High-end dining and shopping were promoted heavily. (The Forum Shops at Caesar's Palace opened in 1992.) Entertainment options for adults were updated and made interesting to the masses again; Cirque du Soleil came to Vegas in 1992 as well, eventually becoming a city institution.

It turned out the middle class didn't have a lot of interest in going to Vegas for animatronic dragons that were sub-par compared to a real amusement park, but they DID have a lot of interest in the ancillary stuff that had been built around those dragons; if the dragons were in a nice resort that didn't make them feel like degenerate scum, surrounded by shopping, with a cool hip stage show, THAT hit peoples interest.

Once that whole revival took off, they didn't need the animatronics anymore.

Las Vegas essentially got very, very lucky. But it wasn't a terrible idea; it absolutely made sense at the time.

That show in Las Vegas with the giant animatronic dragon is the coolest thing to ever exist, and likely only enhanced by only existing as grainy VHS footage & urbex footage of it lying underneath a bridge, but it is also a weird relic

When I was growing up Las Vegas pushed hard the idea that it wasn't just a place for gamblers to gamble. It was going to be a *family* destination. The new family destination of the 90s. So they made all the new casinos these mini-theme parks, and sometimes added literal theme parks attached to the casino. There were animatronic dragon and pirate shows, live shows for families, the Luxor had a boat ride down the fake Nile River where a host explained their fake hieroglyphic murals to you

Looking at it now, they realized that was all a terrible idea almost immediately. It turns out most gamblers don't want elaborate mini-theme parks inside the buildings they gamble in, and if families want to go somewhere with shows for kids, they can just go to Disneyland instead of a casino. Also casinos make way more money off rich people than random families. So not only are all the family shows gone but as I understand it most of the interior theming was removed from the resorts, in favor of the same kind of Rich People Grandeur they had before.

But also, I've never been there and when all the ads came up at the time saying "Las Vegas: it's for children now!" it seemed like most adults I knew just went "what? No it's not, it's still a casino"

[the-firebird69]

I want to say what I want to say in a speech and he said to formulate the speech with Freya's help, and I shall and I will present it to Olympus.

Second we will build up our forces here and we plan to and we have to and he is saying we have to have a large Force in our area and one that is to be reckoned with if we have a problem here or there and both which we don't think we will. He also wants a certain percentage of large ships to be held in our areas not here where he is and we agree with that and we came up with that already it's a thank God. And we also have more to do in that area but we can talk about later or several other planets and that they're important and one is very important and he knows about it it's coming up next month it's about the same time but it's huge and it's going to attract tons of interest and it's going to knock it out of the park and we have to recruit beforehand not after these systems will do it.

He wants me to include in the speech and I know how to phrase it so we don't look weak a statement about Jason and the Argonauts and we do understand what he's saying is a needle in the haystack and if we don't find it we're in trouble if we slow down too much to look for a needle we might find $200 instead of one and and more things like that are very logical and we need it and then there's the tie we have a tire and it binds us to our people and now and I'm going to formulate the speech it is a great idea and others as well and we have a way of doing it because we are a Monarchy and it is an organized way and he is one who can call to have a speech afterwards. I think he's right we should do it a different days and we should have an event and then have someone else do it but Uriel and goddess wife and Nuada Arrianna and really it's nuata who is standing up and he should be given that order and he stood up first and would be the second to give the speech and it is because of the planets and Apollo and goddess wife now and we agree. And he wants it to be in the series and he wants recruiting commercials I don't know if we have TV something like it and it would be what is infomercial that's how we do it and we need to grow our Star Trek version and we need to make a note it's right there in the name of theirs and they got that these are wonderful things so we're going to go ahead with them but what he wants us to do in the speech is to relay the importance and the dire need of our people and the situation we're in is dangerous and we have tests and all sorts of things we can present and nuana Ariana can run zigzags and his own test to show it which might be different and she says they are and people start to compete and zigzag as part of it he says that's a great idea I don't compete in the speeches it will compete in the speeches that's why is there a different day and a different I think Friday and zigzag says yes and he wants to give a speech and we've got an order of people even though Uriel and goddess wife haven't said anything and they're going to have to and they're up and they're out and they're ready zigzag they say and that's how it's happening and we'll take the tally but yeah these are going to be during the weekend and Friday and we don't have enough Fridays and we don't have enough weekend days but really that's a good idea you can do it during the weekend too but we have to analyze and do it this weekend and see what works best sometimes in America they do it at night I'm at a certain night and a lot of times it's like Monday in the past I think the address of the nation and things like that and they said it was like Tuesday is somebody remember Wednesday sometimes during the week when it's something serious and people in the mood to be serious but really do it before the weekend that's when you talk to people about it and that's what they want to do our people we also want to have a program to introduce them to it and we have to start doing it they have to see us flying around training and his ideas going on the basis and we have to make more and we're doing it and it's trading he says training to work here so you can hire people for construction let's say it's for national guard type things and they've decided for this particular work and then they would have a permanent job and move into construction here as we say and we get that I can tie that together instead of just having us go around building it we can grow as we're doing and we controlled.

We're going to do all this and more I'm calling our recruiters in and turn the background somewhere but we need to get with them and have them help out and what you say is they need to organize these events and have them catered and have the stadium rented and should be done in a big venue whatever we have for a venue and you have to invite dignitaries and all that stuff by the recruiters and he says it's an honor to serve on you and I appreciate it and he says and we were doing it before and also didn't say this this is going to help us a lot and we need we need to delegate and they're going to love it this is going to get the food they want okay but really it's about friends of theirs too and they can invite all sorts of people and it'll be great and other recruiters really and he says they've got ideas and he wants him to send it to me he's going to and the ideas can be part of the event of course and it's going to work this is going to be great and really I need to talk to them and I'm going to set up a series it was just every weekend we could have a speech and we'll see how it's going and what we need and he also says that each emperor will do what I'm doing and then we'll have others speak with me occasionally and during the weekend from the same area as to everyone but they're speaking to theirs every week every Friday we want you to do a formal address and we do something like that already but it's not like what you're saying televised on every station and it's a way of growing our FCC controls in a military style I'm going to do that too and the recruiters will set that on in each area from of course they'll be from there. Great ideas and really they are I can kick it off and then someone would speak with me and I do see what you're saying and so he's wondering how Harry could squeeze her speech in and we know how to do that and we have security and she should be second to Thor and Freya too. And so I see that it's a great idea she has to squeeze it in there and it has to be this next speech go around because of the planets and she has this to see what's legal to say and she can send me my message and I told her it. We're going to go ahead with us and we're doing it now

Thor Freya

Well where does this come from get some help but really I'm tired of this area needs attention from the leaders of ours cuz their leaders are here and it's not really getting it they have a system to cull andso on. We're seeing that and we hear it like right now so we are taking action. These are great things to do awesome programs and they're going to work and we do want to see what you even speeches and I sent one in and we marked it up try changing it and he couldn't get it to work and he gave his regular speech and he says it's not good enough but now we get an idea what you're saying he can say it's 10% and ask for a few more and we'll try and figure out if we can and we'll do the results and we'll go from there so we have two days here already almost 2 and 1/2 and it's going to be great it's a great idea and we're going to move on it and right now too

Olympus

I remember my first speech and I was very nervous and now I see what you're saying we're going to compete on our speeches and I think we should have the plan people first on the same day headed out and started by Thor Freya and that's a great idea he says and then Hera and she captained her project she says yes I did and then me since I don't want to put my fat face on the tube. Soil you're saying how am I supposed to do that it'll be my country my cadre. And the next week we start over again with Thor and Freya and then Hera and she can say more and do it that way after that it could be different speakers. I agree because the first go around we won't have a lot of time and Thor Freya agrees that a lot of Olympus so far and Hera and he says don't be nervous and you don't know how many people are watching and ok. It's a lot but you can do it I just close your eyes and say the words not listen to you buddy so I'm gladly you're going to go to sleep stop blabbing okay.. that was them interjecting I was very nervous and it got over it and said what I wanted to say it's more or less what I wrote down and I said it's kind of an outline and it works that's the best speech I've ever given I want to see what I want to say and that's what you're telling us because our people are ours and there are people and you have to talk to them

Zues Hera

True too I'm in the above this is going to work and we're going to publish this is going to be great

Thor Freya

His idiots are messing with him all the time and I don't want them near him and we want to push to get them out and start doing it it's too much to take all these people out to get them out and we need to get them out separately and now we're going ahead with this ideas and it's terrific

Nuada Arrianna

I love you so much and this made my night I hope I'll do okay on the speech I might be like Queen amidala this is just really so many people that's okay though and you're saying it you have to say something for me and that's good you have to come up with more than that that's the only thing I do appreciate it though

Hera

I'm going to publish now

Olympus