#instead of actual communication
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*has loved sign language since childhood* *is more or less proficient in american sign language* *has studied and continues to study Deaf culture and its history* *has met and befriended many d/Deaf people*
*asks deaf person to repeat a fingerspelled word more than once*
omg now they hate me and they probably hate me for trying to learn their language and then failing at it so miserably and i should probably just switch majors and gosh they probably think im just another stupid hearing person. please i can do better i swear i didnt mean to disrespect you
every single deaf person that i have ever met: *does not care* *probably didn't even register any mistake i made* *understands that I am learning an entirely new language and am bound to need a bit of help*
#asl#american sign language#sign language#deaf community#this goes for how it feels to learn any language tbh#a previous asl professor of mine was actually spanish#(english was her 3rd language)#and she once said “como estas?”#you know#one of the most well known spanish phrases that you dont even have to take a spanish class to know (“how are you?”)#and i completely blanked#not because I didnt know what it meant#but because i was too nervous to speak spanish with a native spanish speaker#which is actually hilarious#because the whole point of learning more than one language#is to be able to communicate with the people who speak those languages#i think this is more of an american culture thing#the fact that we are often taught to perfect things like pronunciation (if its spoken) and grammar#instead of actual communication#of course sign language grammar is a bit more important to learn than other languages grammar#you say smt wrong in english and a native english speaker will be able to understand you fine#but signed languages are pretty much dependent on the grammar side of things#but my point still stands
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so rude that fantasizing about writing alone is not enough to actually get the fic done. you have to actually sit down and write it. insane.
#whining about writing instead of actually writing#writeblr#writer#writing#writing memes#writing community#writer’s block#ao3#archive of our own#blorbo#whump#whumpblr#angst#fanfic#fanfiction#writers#writing tips#writing inspo#writing inspiration#whump community#fandoms#fandom#whump blog#trope#tropes#prompt#prompts#writing prompts#whump writing
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In the past, people in the Animal Crossing community would make fun of Tom Nook as a sleazy landlord. Since then, he's really rehabilitated his image as this 'heart of gold' businessman (he's the one who puts bells and furniture in trees for you to find! he adopted orphans! he donates to charity!), but New Horizons genuinely paints the most devious version of him.
He's successfully privatized settler colonialism: you pay HIM to move to a "deserted island" (which apparently the oceans in the AC world are just full of) and start a colony that he is directly invested in. At best he's running a weird vacation package scam (you arrive on the island with no money and in debt for "using his services"). At worst, he's using you to set up company towns. For god's sake, he literally has his own fake currency that he forces you to use to pay off your debt. But don't worry, he's repackaged it in a way that definitely doesn't sound like an MLM scam: the Nook Mileage Program!
You're no longer just his tenant or his temporary part-timer, you're his business lackey. The entire tutorial section of the game has you spending actual weeks running around completing tasks and doing hard labor to set up his colony. You're even tasked with preparing his properties and finding buyers for them. No, you aren't a tenant anymore. You work for the landlord. You are directly responsible for finding tenants for him. And he doesn't even fucking pay you. Not for setting up town hall and museum, or his nephew's shop –– which is the ONLY store on the entire island that sells necessities –– or bringing KK Slider to town, or helping populate his town. Not a single cent. No, actually, you have to pay HIM to BUY infrastructure like bridges and stairs and park benches. And all the while, he's telling you're the "resident representative"; you get to call the shots! That the reward is the community's progress. That what you're doing is in everyone's best interest (but most importantly, his).
Since NH's release, people have done a lot of legwork to say that Tom Nook isn't a capitalist while the game shows him at his very worst. He owns the only general store in town. You're forced to use a phone that he modified and branded as his own. Buy Nook-branded furniture and merchandise at the self-serve kiosk in the town hall, a governmental building! There's no conflict of interest here!
But hey, if you're tired of being the landlord/business mogul's goon, you can also find work as a deluxe resort home designer for a company that also pays you in their special company currency that can only be used to buy their products instead of a real salary! Because that's what the Animal Crossing franchise needs! More vacation homes!!!
#this is a really long winded way to say i really really really really hate new horizon's storyline and player role#i really hate that not only your house but the entire TOWN. the whole COMMUNITY you're a part of is owed to tom nook's business#i really hate the “vacation getaway package” angle because it shows just how commercialized the entire premise of nh is#and how lost the game is in its original core concept#animal crossing is about the experience of moving to a new town and becoming a part of that community#just to compare: all past ac games have a similar opening#you're on a bus or train or taxi to someplace new. a stranger strikes up a conversation and you get to know them before arriving#new horizons opens with you at customer service desk filling out an client application before a flight.#in prev games working for nook in the tutorial is meant to be demeaning. you want it to be over with so you can actually start living life#but in new horizons working for tom nook IS your life. and it's so rewarding! don't you feel rewarded?#you aren't a person. you aren't a new neighbor. you're tom nook's client. and then his unpaid employee. and the game insists it's fun to be#that's how void the game is#because it's bad enough that a rpg life sim got turned into a sandbox game where you have to build the town yourself#but the only reason why you're building it is because the landlord who you're in debt to TOLD you to build it.#everything is a rewards program! everything is a tour service! be sure to do your daily tasks to earn nook bucks to spend on nook merch!#that really sucks imo.#i mean. the entire game is based around the vacationing industry. of course it all feels fake and temporary. it's only a vacation.#long post#rant#not art#god the fact that your starter villagers can't even decide where to live you have to decide for them#i've never played a game that does the opposite of handholding#where instead it's the PLAYER who has to handhold the npcs through everything. and newsflash!! it's really exhausting and boring
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People ask me sometimes how I'm so confident that we can beat climate change.
There are a lot of reasons, but here's a major one: it would take a really, really long time for Earth to genuinely become uninhabitable for humans.
Humans have, throughout history, carved out a living for themselves in some of the most harsh, uninhabitable corners of the world. The Arctic Circle. The Sahara. The peaks of the Himalayas. The densest, most tropical regions of the Amazon Rainforest. The Australian Outback. etc. etc.
Frankly, if there had been a land bridge to Antarctica, I'm pretty sure we would have been living there for thousands of years, too. And in fact, there are humans living in Antarctica now, albeit not permanently.
And now, we're not even facing down apocalypse, anymore. Here's a 2022 quote from the author of The Uninhabitable Earth, David Wallace-Wells, a leader on climate change and the furthest thing from a climate optimist:
"The most terrifying predictions [have been] made improbable by decarbonization and the most hopeful ones practically foreclosed by tragic delay. The window of possible climate futures is narrowing, and as a result, we are getting a clearer sense of what’s to come: a new world, full of disruption but also billions of people, well past climate normal and yet mercifully short of true climate apocalypse. Over the last several months, I’ve had dozens of conversations — with climate scientists and economists and policymakers, advocates and activists and novelists and philosophers — about that new world and the ways we might conceptualize it. Perhaps the most capacious and galvanizing account is one I heard from Kate Marvel of NASA, a lead chapter author on the fifth National Climate Assessment: “The world will be what we make it.”" -David Wallace-Wells for the New York Times, October 26, 2022
If we can adapt to some of the harshest climates on the planet - if we could adapt to them thousands of years ago, without any hint of modern technology - then I have every faith that we can adjust to the world that is coming.
What matters now is how fast we can change, because there is a wide, wide gap between "climate apocalypse" and "no harm done." We've already passed no harm done; the climate disasters are here, and they've been here. People have died from climate disasters already, especially in the Global South, and that will keep happening.
But as long as we stay alive - as long as we keep each other alive - we will have centuries to fix the effects of climate change, as much as we possibly can.
And looking at how far we've come in the past two decades alone - in the past five years alone - I genuinely think it is inevitable that we will overcome climate change.
So, we're going to survive climate change, as a species.
What matters now is making sure that every possible individual human survives climate change as well.
What matters now is cutting emissions and reinventing the world as quickly as we possibly can.
What matters now is saving every life and livelihood and way of life that we possibly can.
#hope my reasoning here makes sense#idk I'm just a person who does a lot of research and posting talking about my take on things#I'm not any kind of Real Authority#but still#and for what it's worth the climate and climate transition data I've been following DOES make me confident in this conclusion#I struggled with the line between recognizing the very real damages of climate change#especially on the global south and especially in the last few years#and focusing on the positive instead of regaling you all with depressing situations#especially when there is so much amazing work being done throughout marginalized countries and marginalized groups#literally if rich countries just paid climate reparations and did actual decolonization/landback#a lot of communities could sort out the shit they need to sort out themselves#and/or in alliance and solidarity with each other#or at least most of the things they need to sort out!!#cough anyway#climate change#climate action#climate emergency#climate crisis#global warming#climate solutions#hope#hope posting#not news#me
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This autism month please remember those of us who:
need verbal prompting (someone telling us each single, small step to a task) or hands on help for things like showering, getting dressed, cooking simple meals, using a toilet ....
who struggle to go outside alone or cant do it all, not out of fear or no motivation or anything but because we keep getting lost and cant find our way back, because the outside world is like a blurry maze that never becomes more logical no matter how many times we have walked that street, because we need help with mobility aids, or can not understand that cars are dangerous, other people can be dangerous, ...
whose bodies dont listen to what our brains tell it to do. Whose bodies throw things when we didnt tell it to, told it to stop. Who hit our head against the walls while wishing we could stop. Whose bodies freeze when we tell it to move. Not just for a task we are unable to start, but any movement at all. I dont mean when i'm stuck scrolling through my phone thinking about how much i should do that task but cant, I mean when im sitting on the kitchen floor and staring into space for an hour unable to even lift my hand to scratch my nose.
Those of us that will never work a job outside of sheltered workshops, if at all.
Who drool and scream and jump and hum and rock in the waiting room at the doctors office, on public transport, ...
#actually autistic#autistic adult#autistic community#actually disabled#medium support needs#autism acceptance month#autism awareness month#red instead
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Villains I dont see very often; mute. Mute villains are the best, nothing can convince me otherwise.
One idea thats been on my mind is a mute villain confessing to the hero, either through sign language, or a perfectly executed scheme. You’re choice :))
Not sure if this counts, but I ran with it. Might try this again after I gather some ASL knowledge. Hope you enjoy :)
A Silent Movie
It wasn’t exactly easy to get Hero sat in front of the cinema screen. In fact, the planning for this trap had taken over sixth months. Not to mention the money it took to buy this building off foreclosure, and the multitude of investments into Hero-proofing the location.
It was even harder to get said hero to stop yelling long enough to pay attention to the image being projected from the back of the room. Not that their sense of hearing was needed for this experience, but Villain imagined Hero would appreciate the lack of noise-based distractions, including sounds they themselves were making.
The theater was notably large, probably the most expensive showing room of its day. That is to say, the upholstery was a little outdated. The popcorn had been swept off the floor, the swirling carpet surprisingly clean. The velvet of the seats did not appear stained, and the cupholders were absent of any discarded snacks or tickets.
The glow of the emergency exit lights were the only thing illuminating the room, and they revealed a dim image of the hero situated in the center of the third row, which was optimal seating in the villain’s opinion.
Clearly, Hero did not agree, considering how hard they were pulling at the restraints to try and exit their carefully selected theater chair.
It was futile, of course, and the hero finally stopped straining when the villain appeared a row below them, quiet as a mouse, standing with a finger pressed to their lips.
Villain retreated when the hero quieted, letting their attention shift to the screen and this special showing. Images flicked past, and Hero became engrossed in the story unfolding on the screen.
Shown was a news reel Hero recognized as the time Villain had crashed their Election Day speech. A zoomed out map of the city, marking City Hall with a red square. Grainy footage of two figures dancing around next to a dumpster. Once again the map appeared, now with two squares pasted on top. The pattern continued, and Hero was amazed.
It was an agglomeration of every moment they had spent together, every public battle, every nighttime-shady-alley encounter.
There was only one reason to collect these momentos, these reminders. It had all meant something to the villain.
The complete lack of kernels on the carpet certainly pointed to a level of dedication and commitment to this scheme.
Maybe, they were hoping it meant something to the hero, too.
Another scene zoomed out a final time, revealing all the markers spread across the city. Only, now, Hero noticed, a rather distinct pattern had formed.
Villain moved like a phantom, appearing again, this time at the hero’s side. The ropes at their wrists fell away like magic while Hero gazed at the awkwardly hovering villain. They presented the hero with a glittering object hung from a chain held loose around their fingers. It was a large ruby gem, expertly cut into the shape of a 3-D heart.
Stolen, no doubt, Hero suspected possibly from the large jewelry exhibition that had just entered town.
The screen flashed bright, and lit up the hero’s face as it contorted in surprise. They processed the scene as fast as they could.
A heart of red markers, a heart of ruby, a heart fluttering in their chest, a heart laid open in front of them.
“Oh,” Hero breathed, “Oh.”
Villain sucked in a breath.
This was it, this was the moment they got rejected because they couldn’t-
“I had no idea.”
Of course they didn’t know, it’s not like Villain had ever spoken about it.
Preparing automatically for the rejection, Villain started to withdraw their hand, cold-as-steel demeanor returning to them with all the familiarity of a security blanket.
It was so stupid of them to think that they deserved any kind of reciprocation, so stupid to think that the hero could possibly-
The hero snatched the charm from their fingers before they fully withdrew.
“I didn’t say no,” they spoke softly, and the villain’s heart skipped a beat.
They reached out their other hand, wrapping their fingers over the still-outstretched hand of the villain. Instead of elaborating, Hero pulled the frozen criminal closer, connecting their lips in a gentle proclamation.
Actions spoke louder than words anyway.
#hero x villain#EW ROMANCE#hero#villain#hero/villain#mute villain#hero x villain community#wrote this instead of studying the IPA#kinda ironic actually#request#writing#heroes and villains#hero/villain snippet#if this is bad blame my beta reader#she got a life#nvm#she still made time for me 🩷
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She came up with a new activity
#snake#snakes#Hognose#hognoses#pets#In her defense I also didn't realize the reason she couldn't move it at the end was because her tail was no longer under the basket#So instead of sliding over her it just bumped into her and was stuck#to her credit she did listen to me and follow my directions! But neither of us realized the problem.#ah it was cute while she did it#she was going a bit before I started recording#she comes up with silly fun activities#i should let her play with the hammock again#it's funny when she found it she'd gesture to me with her head when she wanted me to lift it and put it down#and it was like a weird elevator parachute game#i think she might have been extra delighted she was able to communicate her wants to me and I did them#We both got practice with that the other day when we played climbing ball#I misunderstood a few times#she is much more patient and less easily frustrated than her sister#she was asking for climbing ball and I thought she was asking for kisses#i did eventually figure out what she actually wanted#i suppose it helps she likes kisses too#when i say kisses I'm not putting my lips on her#I let her flick her tongue at the tip of my nose and make little kiss sounds at her#she either understands this is affection or otherwise likes it#Because she will often go to my nose and I'll give her kisses like this#I don't kiss her because the bacteria and stuff in my human mouth could be dangerous for her#I know reptiles and such can also have salmonella#But I'm really not worried about that part tbh as I keep my girls pretty clean#They are princesses#And know it
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Why would you—That's not—I just wanted to ask for help, why did you have to go and make it awkward???
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#xue yang#Its such a relief to not have to draw so many characters once again.#Redrawing the specific font from the English translated mdzs books was surprisingly fun!#Maybe I'm alone in this...but I think characters switching to a different font of speech for *emphasis* is peak comedy#you can't communicate voice changes of sound very well in non audio forms so this is the best I can do.#Anyways...rip Xue Yang. You finally meet your idol and he brushes you off#Rather— he doesn't live up to the expectations you built in your head#Kind of an on going issue there Jester (I refuse to call him king or sir)#XY is constantly making people out to be the versions he needed them to be to feel justified in his actions#but struggles to pivot when confronted with the fact that these ppl are *more* than just one surface reading!#wwx doesn't actually think xy is flirting. He's just tired of all the fake fans + wants to get out of this convo.#button mashing the A button to skip the unskippable cutscene#Lan Wangji is in the next comic btw. I've missed him dearly. I'm sorry he's been gone so long </3#edit: poorly spelt MDZS strikes again. This is why I need more time to write my comics. So I can actually proofread B*(#edit2: I cast 'Power of Technology' and fixed my error. Everyone reblog this version instead please
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forever annoyed by the wannabe activism that got so much worse during the pandemic that so many younger people seem to primarily abide by now. where almost all their "action" is online-based and heavily focused on media consumption and "problematic people". it drives me so crazy. i don't know how to tell you that going after a musician or actor or comedian because of their views or statements is the least productive form of activism and i honestly wouldn't even count it as such. if you want to call yourself an activist you actually need to ACT. not just talk online about how person xyz is evil and be done for the day, or say book/movie xyz is problematic and then log off, that's not enough, that doesn't actually DO anything
call local officials, go to protests, talk to people at your uni/school, boycott brands. hell, even talk to your parents about what's going on in Palestine, or other current events, many older people have conservative views, not because of inherent bigotry, but because they don't have enough information and grew up in a media propaganda bubble. or just talk about ongoing events online, keep the pressure on the public and don't let people lean back and forget. all that are actual forms of activism
i'll never stop being mad at the new wave social media wannabe activism that lets people think they're done with their Activism Activity of the day if they called timothee chalamet or noah schnapp a bad person. girl, yeah they are, but actually do Anything else too, that's not the activism you apparently think it is😭
#something something the lockdown forced people to be online instead of in local in person communities#so a lot of young people never learned how to actually do activism properly and only know the performative online outrage one#same reason why so many young queer people are so out of touch with queer culture and community honestly#i just need people to talk to real people in their area about things like activism and queerness so bad#organized action only works if local people organize and act 😭
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I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wangxian#idk man- i just see a lot of “Lan Wangji has always been protecting Wei Wuxian” posts and its like...#I mean... Lan Wangji has always certainly been trying to protect Wei Wuxian#it took him a long time to figure how to successfully do that though#rereading the books rn and noticing theres a lot of instances that could be read as lwj being frustrated over his inability to protect wwx#like he seemed ready to cry when wwx went missing for a while and then came back with the cursed leg#lwj has always been great at protecting wwx from physical threats (ex: waterborn abyss) but had no idea how to protect him from himself#meanwhile wwx has always been instictually good at saving lwj from both#like I'm 100% lwj would've become like Jiang Cheng if wwx hadn't snapped him out of the blindly following authority thing#and also like... 15 y/o lwj wasnt happy with his life. he was lonely and stressed and literally signing up to be flogged whenever he goofed#wwx is who allowed lwj to grow up by showing him what it was like to actually be a kid (shown in story whenever lwj gets drunk)#he led lwj to having a more flexible mindset. and it both let lwj relax and set lwj up to be a better parent#looking into lwj's dynamic with the juniors- he lets them break a fuck ton of the petty rules and encourages them to question authority#he also teaches them to not be married to any one meathod of problem solving#wwx is also able to save lwj from his own stubbornness#ex: carrying lwj when he broke his leg. getting lwj to cough up bad blood. getting lwj to keep the rabbits#wwx also tends to give lwj the words he has trouble saying himself. helps him communicate#wwx also protects lwj in fights a lot but thats narratively less important#except the various times wwx puts himself in danger to help lwj. those times are what made it so lwj could never move on from wwx#like with the cave incident#or when wwx helped surpress the arm instead of using the chaos to escape cloud recesses#tldr i guess: i think this fandom tends to treat lwj being the best like its natural to him when really wwx accidentaly rewired his brain#I'm looking directly at fanfic writers who act like the Lans would've treated wwx better than the Jiangs#lwj had to do so much work and self reflection post meeting wwx to be the way he is. he is not the sole product of the Lan teachings
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Like all of tumblr, aparently: we 💜 love ✡️jews✡️ and we would 👊 punch nazis and we reblog five 5️⃣ different haukkah 🕎 posts a year we are like so progresive 💁✨️
Also all of tumblr, aparently: death to all jews 🚫✡️ if you're a jewish person who lives in IsNotRaEl then you're an evil 👺 bad jew and you deserve to be raped and murdered ☠️☠️ what? You fled to israel because we were murdering you by the millions??? Well you should have all died lol ☠️☠️ happy hanukkah btw 🕎
#jewblr#op is pissed off#ישראבלר#jewish#antisemitism#i/p#i/p conflict#antisemitism is so real both on this app and in general leftist communities#and I used to side with these people#if there was an attack on people based on their sexuality; gender; race; religion ect I like to believe I would have cared#that I would have shows campation to your loss and understand your pain#instead of actively be part of the bigotry againsts you#i don't trust so many of my mutuals right now because I now know that if there was a nazi uprising they wouldn't hide me#they would cheer at my death#THIS is why jewish people can't trust you guys#YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT JEWISH LIVES#there was a really good article that explained this really well and how so many people have and will lose jewish friends#because we now know that you aren't there for use. and that you were never there for us#'punch a nazi' and 'never forget' are just cute little slogens to you but they actually mean something to us#it used to mean safety; used to mean that we could trust you; now it's empty wprds ringing with betrayel#never forget#jewish lives matter#hamas#palestine#israel#bring on your hate I don't care y'all are a bunch of privliged fucks anyways who would have rallied behind hitler like a bunch of pigs#noa's jewish talk
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“okay I will try to finish this fic I’ve been working on and see if I can post it today!” says the girlie as she continues scrolling aimlessly through tumblr
#whining about writing instead of actually writing#ao3#archive of our own#writing#writer#writeblr#writers#writers on ao3#writing community#writing memes#whump#angst#whumpblr#blorbo#fandom#writing challenge#writing tropes#writing trope#writing prompt#writing prompts#whump community#trope#tropes#prompt#prompts
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ᡣ𐭩 •。ꪆৎ ˚⋅
Were we all traumatised by shifttok or 😭😭 ?? I keep seeing blog posts about loving shiftblr (me too tbh) and being grateful they made the switch. I get that people over there are really judgemental and police what you can and can not script, but OMFG 💀
Is it THAT bad ?? I was never on shifttok, so I have no idea what yall went through. I was thinking about venturing over there, but now I'll probably just stay in the safety of shiftblr. Yall are our strongest soldiers
#never been on shifttok and now i never will#its a scary place out there#a battlefield but instead of fighting a war they argue whether you should script out/in xyz otherwise you're the scum of the earth#yall are survivors#i should probably write the actual tags now 😭😭#shifting#shifting community#shift#shifting blog#reality shifting#shifters#shiftblr#shifting antis dni#shifttok#astral projection#ran out of ideas#desired reality#current reality#liminal reality#reality shift
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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#the beatles#george harrison#john lennon#lennison#still not over that collage#they kept trying to communicate with each other using songs instead of actual words and failed epically 😮💨#'the answer's at the end' is a great song#extra texture is so underrated#my post
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If I can have one wish for upcoming autism month it's that more people recognize that the spectrum includes people who are medium support and such, maybe include us in conversations more. I can't tell you how much arguments in this community forever feel like low support versus high support, and I'm left feeling invisible and like I belong nowhere.
Yes I will never need the amount of care some others do, no I will never need as little care as some others do. It's hard to make anyone understand, family or friends, that this is how I am. They know I'm not high support, and anything else they see in media is usually low support. When I was diagnosed, my mother exclusively read books about or by low support autistics. So to them, that's what they often expect me to be like, or to achieve one day. Everyone calls it a spectrum but most people still treat it like just, a coin with two sides, forgetting everything that isn't two extremes.
#actually autistic#autistic adult#autistic community#medium support needs#autism acceptance month#red instead
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