#instead i'm MORE in debt and i can't see any way out of it

[the-everqueen]

more bitching in tags

[prettyboykatsuki]

on deaths door | s. gojo

✮ tags ; dark content ahead, afab + gender neutral reader, dark comedy / black comedy, attempts of suicide, the use of the word rapist in text, mentions of self-harm scars, penetration, intense but not rough, gojo is doting, no curses au, ceo!gojo 18+

note: this fic is mostly intended to be a dark comedy and have an unserious nature. it is very absurdist and it makes light of both suicide and assault. please proceed carefully if you find this might be triggering to you.

PLEASE READ THE TAGS BEFORE YOU PROCEED.

✮ wc ; 2.6k

✮ a/n ; i actually really really enjoyed writing this and would love to expand on it potentially. KJSDFJSKD.

reader has been through a lot so they are super nonchalant about everything just as a precaution

"Uwah," A voice startles you from your place on the roof. You gasp, amidst tears and sobs from shock. "Are you about to kill yourself?"

You whip your head around to see who could be beside you at this hour. It's a deliberately obscure location, too so it's extra weird. You were hoping to die in peace in a place where it'd be hard to find you, after all.

But there's a strange man interrupting your plans. Very strange. He's speaking Japanese rather clearly but his hair is a shock of white and his eyes are blues as saphhires. Despite the situation, his voice is light and cheerful - almost amused.

You can't tell if he's just a figment of your imagination. He's so unusual it stuns you out of your tears. You can't find your voice to respond for a moment.

"Yes," You reply, unsure of what else to say. He smiles at you.

"Hm." He looks contemplative. "Well... if you don't want it, can I have it?"

You stare on, confused.

He grins. "Your life, I mean. Can I buy it off you?"

Starting to wonder if you've already died, you stretch your hands up to wipe the tears off of your face just to see if any of it is real. The touch makes it gasp. You're definitely still alive. So, that means this strange man is also real and asking to buy your life.

"What?"

"Oh, don't worry. I'm not a cheapskate or anything, the price will be fair." He walks closer to you from where you've been standing all this time. He grabs you by the collar of your shirt, picking you up and setting you down further away from the ledge with a harsh yank.

Like a kitten whose mother is dragging it by the nape, you fumble onto the rooftop concrete. As soon as you're moved, you drop down to your knees - unable to find anymore strength.

"Are you... trying to traffick me?" Your voice is coarse in your reply as you stare up. It's a genuine question. You aren't sure what else to call this. The strange, unusual man just laughs in your face.

"Mm, well - not really. Though, if you say yes I'll make good use of you in all ways." The last part makes your skin crawl a little. "You were weeping so pitifully when I came up here... super pathetic. I just thought it'd be a waste if you died since I got to see something interesting."

There's something really wrong with this guy, you think. But this is such a common thing in your life, you aren't sure how shocked you should be.

There's also something equally wrong with you, because you're so fucked up - you're considering it. If he paid you enough to cover all of your debts, you could cut ties with all the bullshit your fathers debt has put you through. You could run away. Not there's anywhere for you, even after that. But at least you'd be unshackled from what makes you most miserable.

You don't want your life, but if this guy wants it so bad then...

"...How much will you pay me?"

His eyes light up when you ask this and it unsettles you further. "As much as you want. And you'd have to live with me at my beck and call."

"Like a pet." You reply easily.

Instead of denying it, he snaps his fingers and grins. "Exactly! Or maybe more like a plush toy that I take every where?"

Either way, you're not any kind of human. You're barely human now though with how much you work, so you aren't sure it makes a difference. You stare at him. And he looks back at you with a smile - all pearly white pristine teeth.

Who cares anymore, anyway? Even if he were to mistreat you, you're not sure you'd even feel it. It's all numb. He can have your life if it means you can escape what you're running from.

He looks rich, so maybe.

"Don't worry," He hums, and he reaches over to pat your head while your face is covered in tears. You don't flinch for some reason. "I don't like breaking things I've bought unnecessarily."

Something is wrong with you. Your self preservation is in total fucking tatters. But still, you want to say so you do. Maybe it's the absurdity, or the fact you truly don't have anything to lose. Nothing could make your misfortune any worse.

You sniffle and shake your head. He's dangerous and weird, but at least you could pay off your debts.

"Okay," You say weakly.

His smile gets impossibly wide.

You're wonder if you'll regret your decision.

__

He's filthy rich.

You should've expected that. You did, kinda. Because only rich people would think to do or ask something so absurd like ask to buy another persons life. Still, he had a driver waiting for him downstairs and his car is definitely a sports care. A McLaren, you think. One of the places you catered for ages ago was full of rich people with flashy cars and you remembered some of them.

He sits with you uncomfortably close in the back seat but doesn't speak to you at all during the ride. Not until you arrive at the destination, which is a giant building where the strange man certainly lives.

The driver (named Ichiji) calls the strange man Gojo-sama, which makes you feel extremely on edge. They whisper about something when you're out of ear shot, and Ichiji gives you a sorrowful look that you can't place.

The name Gojo is familiar to you, but you aren't sure where you've heard it.

After taking a long elevator ride to one of the upper floors, you end up in the strange mans condo. When you get there, he tells you take off your shoes and gives you nice slippers.

"Welcome to my humble abode," He says, still frivolous and speaking to you in what feels like a foreign tongue. "And also yours. I'll set you up in the guest room later, but you'll be keeping my bed warm mostly so keep that in mind."

The size of the place is absurd and so is the decor. What have you gotten yourself into? You must've gone insane. You're too afraid to touch anything.

"Am I like... a sex slave?" You ask curiously.

He frowns at you. "You make me sound like some kind of rapist. I guess now that I own you....it might make me one... but you agreed to come here so don't be like that!!" He huffs, childishly.

His response is somewhat incomprehensible to you. He's stranger by the minute and completely tactless - but for some reason, it's hard to distrust him. He doesn't raise any immediate red flags aside from being unusual.

You almost want to say it wouldn't matter if he was, as long as he pays you but decide not too.

"Okay. Do you want me to take my clothes off?" You reply, nonchalant. He stares at you.

"...I know your heads pretty fucked up, but don't you think you're being too blase about all this?"

Your brow furrows. A weird response for a guy who willingly understands this is a less than ethical situation "Would... you prefer I struggle and refuse you? Is that your fetish?"

"No! Well..." You look at him flatly as he thinks on it, almost blushing at the thought. You make a face of disgust "Not in this case, alright! It's just too pitiful and I'm not that type really.... Be more cautious."

"But you were planning to fuck me from the start, right? Or something."

He nods. "Well, yes. As a way to earn your living and for me get my urges out whenever. Finding people to have sex with is a hassle."

You shrug.

"Right. I can cook and clean too. I've done pretty much every job you can think of it,"

He waves a hand at you. "We can discuss it later." He puts a hand in his necktie and pulls on with a small smile. "Right now, I want to test out my new toy so..."

You should feel more disgusted by how he refers to you, but you don't have it in yourself.

"Can I shower first?"

He looks surprised but nods. "Uh-huh. Just wear one of my shirts when you come out. Everything else is in the bathroom. It's upstairs, first door on your left."

You stand to your feet, nodding.

__

It takes you ten minutes to figure out how the shower works.

His shower is nice. The whole place is nice. Nicer than any shithole you've ever lived in. He has a lot of nice bath products, though you aren't sure how you feel about smelling like him since you're borrowing his.

You examine your body a bit in the shower, looking at old scars as you wash and rub yourself clean. Thankfully, you gave yourself a trim downstairs not long ago.

It's embarrassing in retrospect but you've not had much of a choice in the first place. You're sensitive, unsure of the last time you've touched yourself given how much you work. You think of your job and feel guilty for how you're going to miss it. But you recall that you were preparing to die not even two hours ago and feel less bad.

You whimper a little as you finger yourself open under the water - getting wet easier than you thought. You have to lean against the wall, but with enough coaxing you get three fingers in. You're still horny when you shut the water off and step out.

You dry yourself and put on lotion - staring in the mirror. As told you borrow one of his shirts, but it's too big on you and you can see your nipples too clearly which makes you embarrassed.

You reason you're about to go fuck a stranger anyway, and decide to step out right after.

__

You decide against wearing underwear since his shirt fits on you like a dress, but regret when you come back down stairs feeling aware of the breeze on your went cunt.

He's sitting on the couch with his legs spread, dress shirt unbuttoned but still in his clothes. He hears you before he sees you, eyes widening. You suddenly get self-conscious under the weight of his stare.

"Better than I thought," Is his only assessment. Your skin grows hot.

He beckons you over to him and you go, unsure of what to do until he pulls you into his lap. Forcing you to straddle him, he wastes no time in feeling you up. His hands at your waist and chest. His face lights up in pure amusement when he sees you bare underneath.

He stares at your pussy for a long time.

"It's good," He hums, his hands brushing against it. Your nipples pebble in response to the arousal, a pathetic moan leaving your lips that makes him laugh. "Pretty."

You don't have anything to say to that so you keep quiet. Gojo slides his fingers along the seam of your cunt to asses your wetness, surprised surely by how wet it is. Without warning, he plunges a finger in. He looks up at your face, your hand covering your mouth so you don't moan.

"So wet," His voice can't contain his amusement. "What's this?"

"I was," You shiver half-way through as he plunges in another finger and it goes in smoothly. "I p-prepared in the shower and masturbated. I thought you'd just want to stick it in and I didn't want it to hurt.

"Haah," His voice is sharp, suddenly breathy. Something hard and big presses up against your leg. "You're talented in seducing me. I'm not so ungentlemanly, but I'll let it go this time, alright?"

You nod. He uses a sticky hand to unbutton his slacks and push his boxers away. You gasp at the size of his cock. You're not a virgin exactly, but you haven't had sex with anyone this big ever. He chuckles a little, pressing the head of his cock against your stomach and cunt as if measuring it up to you.

More wetness pulses, shame filling you - because you're almost excited to be fucking this strange man you've only met today. Weirdly, you don't feel unsafe around him. Your eyes glass over from lust.

He sticks his fingers in your mouth and you suck automatically, instinctively. His smile is predatory all of a sudden, teeth glimmering.

"So obedient," He says, sharply. "Ah, I have a good eye. It really would've been such a waste."

You're content to throw yourself at him, chasing the pleasure. His fingers taste of salt and skin, making you want something else entirely. It's not long before he pulls away though, wrapping his hand around his shaft and making it shiny. You blink down at where he fists his cock - your spine tingling at the sight.

"Look at you," He mutters, amused. "Do you always get this excited? Is it normal for you to fuck strange men or am I special?"

You shake your head. "It's only been two people."

"Then I am special," He replies. Your breath hitches at the feeling of his cock pressing against your hole - fluttering. "We have good compatibility."

Before you can say a word, you feel his length push inside of you in one swift motion and gasp. It's so big, so impossibly big - and even with how much you stretched, there's a touch of resistance that's making your entire lower half feel like it's jelly. Almost numb from the sensation. Buzzing from adrenaline and want.

You feel full. In your stomach, in your chest - your whole body feel complete. When you manage to open your eyes, you look at Gojo and find yourself taken aback. His hair is pushed back from his hand and he looks... different. He's handsome now that you realize. His face looks...pleased.

You talk before you can think about it.

"Do I feel good?"

He laughs sweetly, before pressing a kiss to your temple that feels to affectionate for people who barely know each other.

"Uh-huh," He says. His hands are strong, tight on your ass as he bucks up into you - causing you to collapse forward. The pleasure makes you shake, sensitivity through the roof. "Feel so good. Hahaha, how lucky."

You cling onto Gojo's shoulder and bury your face into his neck. He doesn't stop you. A large hand comes around the back of your head - the other one at your hips as he thrusts up into you with alarming force and precision. He feels so good it's a little scary, and you can't keep the noises from slipping out. You moan and whine each time the tip rubs against you inside, soft walls barely able to accommodate the size.

Your body feels hot everywhere he touches. It's been so long and Gojo is so careful but so intense. His expensive dress shirt rubs up against your nipples each time he moves. It's so good, so good - makes you want to cry.

"You're so sensitive." He laughs against your shoulder. "Gripping so tight every time I move. Do you want to cum so bad?"

"Yes," The words are a sob. Just a little more.

"Uh-huh. Tell me where to touch you. How should I make you cum."

You're too shamelessly pent up to feel shy anymore. "Touch my c-clit, please, please."

"Got it, got it - don't cry."

Gojo listens to you well. Thick fingers and an angled hand find your clit with ease as he bounces you on his cock with no regard. Your eyes roll back instantly, immediately - as an orgasm washes over your entire body. Back arching, you cum hard around the base of his cock - but Gojo just keeps fucking you through it. He doesn't stop even when you come down, only moves you both so you're laying on the couch on your back.

He kisses you then, and you meet his mouth with sloppy tears running down your face from the pleasure.

"Let's see what your stamina is like, yeah? See if you can keep up with me."

__

He fucks you unconscious.

Essentially. Though you take with enthusiasm even during your exhaustion because the sex is phenomenal - you have no idea when you stop.

You wake up in a bed, and you wake up completely clean. You don't know whose bed, but there's a large figure besides you. Half-asleep and fully exhausted, you feel shy thinking about the fact he probably bathed and dressed you while you were out.

What a strange man, you think - to do that.

He's talking to someone on the phone. You don't really make out much of the words, though you do hear your name in bits and pieces.

"...A college student.......- young then -...... open a bank account for.... - debt...- pay it all off before it becomes annoying.... look into -."

You shift under your blankets half asleep. A hand comes up on top of your head on the pillow, pushing hair from your face.

"Did I wake you?" His expression is hard to read in the dark with your eyes barely open. "Sorry. Almost done. Go back to sleep."

So you do, because you can't find strength to do much else.

The bed is warm, but your sure the heat you feel is from the strong, gentle head petting your head as you rest.

[qiu-yan]

Hello, your takes are really cool! You can completely ignore this if it's tedious to expand haha, I'm not all that clear on tumblr etiquette so -

I noticed in one of your posts you said wwx had self worth issues? Can you please expand on that if you can? Imo he's very secure about his worth but things like debts and 'Nah, I Can Deal With this' get in his way. Generally, outside the jiang family I CAN see him putting his life on line for someone else, but wouldn't that be owed to natural kindness and willingness to help rather than any issues he has in his own worth? "Better me than them" not because he thinks he deserves it but because he thinks he can handle it better?

thanks for the message!

when i said that he had self-worth issues, what i had in mind was that one post (can't find it right now) that argued that wei wuxian had sky-high self-confidence and low self-worth. what they meant by that was that, on one hand, wei wuxian is incredibly confident in his ability to accomplish anything he puts his mind to and to weather hardships that would destroy other people; on the other hand, though, he also thinks that it's acceptable that he instead of others weathers said hardships. wei wuxian repeatedly falls upon the explanation of "i'm stronger than other people, i'm more resilient than other people, i was born with a smile on my face and i don't hold grudges" to explain to himself why it is acceptable that various bad things happen to him: why he insisted he wasn't upset after someone stole his first kiss at the phoenix mountain night-hunt; why he said it was better that he instead of mianmian got burned; why his response, when he thought that madame yu was going to cut off his right hand, was to think that he could relearn the sword with his left--and why, i think, he gives his golden core to jiang cheng.

kindness and a natural inclination towards helping others can account for a good chunk of an individual's selfless behavior, but once we reach the point where someone is actively setting themself on fire to protect another person (or, shall we say, digging out their own golden core), then some other psychological motivators have come into the equation. (i find one interesting example of this to be emiya shirou from fate/stay night, whose natural instinct towards helping others is a manifestation of his survivor's guilt from the fuyuki fire).

this is less prominent in wei wuxian's interactions with other characters, since i do think that wei wuxian's moral framework is decently agent-relative - but when it comes to his interactions with the jiang siblings and jiang cheng in particular, wei wuxian's self-worth issues become apparent. due to how he was raised in the jiang household, wei wuxian seems to have internalized the idea that he, compared to jiang cheng, is more disposable. the message wei wuxian overwhelmingly hears from madame yu and also everyone else is that, while jiang cheng is the sect heir and the future of yunmeng jiang, wei wuxian is just the son of an ex-servant. that wei wuxian owes the jiang sect for taking him off the streets and raising him. that, just by being in jiang cheng's life, wei wuxian has already taken so much from him: the happiness of his mother, the approval of his father, the love of his father, the love of his sister, the stability of his home. all of this means that the direction of debt points firmly in one direction: wei wuxian, in his mind, owes the jiang.

this is reinforced by both uncle jiang and madame yu's last words to him: "protect our children." protect jiang cheng and jiang yanli. there was no "protect yourself as well." what a terrible thing to tell a kid, honestly.

but this is also acceptable, because wei wuxian is stronger than jiang cheng. so it's alright that wei wuxian be forced to take on various burdens due to what he owes jiang cheng, because wei wuxian is strong and resilient and can handle those burdens. unlike jiang cheng, who is weak and emotionally fragile and holds grudges so easily, who is so weak he must be protected at all costs, wei wuxian is strong and capable and forgiving enough to weather all hardships, and not even hold a grudge about it. so it's alright! it's okay. wei wuxian can and should shoulder everything.

i think this was the reasoning that went into the golden core transfer: wei wuxian at once loved jiang cheng and didn't want him to suffer, and also felt it was his first and foremost duty to protect jiang cheng above himself, and also felt that he was more disposable than jiang cheng, and also felt so, so guilty about his perceived role in the fall of lotus pier. i think (as i said in the post i think you're referencing) this is also part of why wei wuxian was able to leave lotus pier to protect the wen remnants without fully viewing this decision as him making a sacrifice: from his point of view, since he no longer had his golden core, he could no longer contribute to yunmeng jiang. he could no longer fulfill his purpose/duty/promise to the dead jiang parents of protecting the jiang siblings. if he wasn't useful, then jiang cheng probably didn't even want him around anymore. therefore, it was better that he leave instead of staying to cause more problems.

when it comes to the jiang family, at least, wei wuxian's sky-high self-confidence and abysmal self-worth work together to produce some uniquely unhinged outcomes.

sorry, i think i've gone off-topic. when i said that wei wuxian had self-worth issues in the original post, though, it was in relation to yunmeng jiang and the jiang family specifically, which is why my reply is focused on them. i hope i've answered your question!

[passionateseadruid]

Snake King’s Bride 8

Holiday havoc part 2

Notes:

Warning! This chapter has talk of sensitive topics such as very dubious consent! Read at your own risk!

You felt… numb.

Why did it have to happen this way. Here you were laying in the aftermath of last night, laying in a pool of your own tears. Claw marks littered the headboard. His scent engulfed you. And after everything he’d left you to deal with the aftermath on your own.

"What's the point of any of this? Why don't we just go down to Vegas and fucking elope? He's already ruined my life. He's taken my best friend and family away from me. And now… now he's taken the one thing I had left."

"Ma'am?" A voice came from the open door. It was Styx, they looked concerned, and very very nervous.

"Styx!" You pulled the cover up to your neck. They sighed and walked into the closet and after a few seconds they walked out with a huge robe. They gently sit next to you and pulled the robe around you. "You don't have to." You insisted.

"Please don't make this difficult ma'am."

"You really shouldn't. I'm sure Lucifer doesn't pay you nearly enough to deal with his bullshit." You smiled half joking, at least trying to make yourself feel better.

"He doesn't pay me at all." They mumbled turning towards the door, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

"What?"

"It's... complicated. I can't work anywhere else. So in exchange for eternal service he gifts me the comfiest clothes and feeds me the finest foods and keeps a very expensive roof over my head." They explained.

"More like an unpayable debt over your head." You mumbled and scoffed it off.

"His highness has asked that I accompany you to the shopping center today to pick out presents for his party next week. The gift from Mr. Fizzarolli came in last night. I'm a bit confused why it was already wrapped inside but I'll not push it." Styx bowed and lead you into the closet.

"Thanks. Hey do you know who I have to get gifts for? I assume I have to get one for Charlie. Should I get one for Renesme and Nina? Do I get one for you?"

"You have one for Lucifer. You'll need one for Princess Charlie, each of the other 6 deadly sins, you'll probably want one for Mr. Fizzarolli, Miss Bee's boyfriend will not be joining us this year, and the rest of the sins do not have dates for the evening. It should just be you and Mr. Fizzarolli."

"Alright! Let's get going!" You walked out of the closet. You dressed in a black jumper and a dark gray and light gray striped shirt underneath.

Styx took your hand and they grabbed their necklace. A portal opened before you and you two stepped through and into a desolate corner of the mall.

"Wow." You smiled at them excitedly. 

"Yeah um, His- his majesty gave me a magic crystal to teleport around Hell."

"Speaking of Lucifer how long have you been working for him."

"Oh goodness. Since Princess Charlie was young. I was practically the one who raised her. Lilith was to busy singing and flirting and fighting with His Highness. She'd insist that the princess shouldn't be around him because he's self destructive but she wouldn't put in the work to raise her daughter."

"So... speaking of Lilith. She is or was human right?"

"Correct."

"So Charlie is half human. Did she..."

Styx seemed to pick up on what you were trying to ask. "Princess Charlie was a menace during her adolescent years. She threw a box of feminine products at her father. Then she started going out with the son of her fathers former closest friend to spite him. She also went through the emo phase after the two of them broke up." They laughed.

You smiled at them. "It's nice to see you so emotional for once instead of so stoic."

You two walked around the mall trying to find things for your friends (and the other people you were obligated to buy gifts for). First you went to a jewelry store and bought pink and purple ‘hers and hers’ flower necklaces for Renesme and Nina. You may not know them all that well but you do know that the two of them love each other. You ended up getting some rose gold designer sunglasses for Fizz. Nina walked around getting gifts for the other sins for you. You didn't care what Styx got for the Sins. You were more focused on what to get for Pluto and Styx. You decided to play it safe and Pluto a paper $100 gift card to any store in hell. If it’s not clear you’re just giving her a 100 bucks.

"Hey Styx since we're here what would you like."

"Oh! Ma'am, you don't have to get me anything."

"Please? I really want to get you something as a way to thank you for all the nice work you do."

"Ma'am that's… really not necessary." They stared at you as you gave them the puppy dog eyes. "Fine, if you don't mind I'd really like some knitting needles and yarn. I could make you something in return." They smiled.

"Styx…" you put your hands on their shoulders. "I'm not Lucifer. This isn't a transactional thing. Do whatever you want with them but please remember that this is your gift not mine." You gently smiled and took their hand.

////////////////////////////////////////

As the party started and guests started to poor in you smoothed out your dress. It was mainly white but it cinched up in places around the skirt to show of the red petticoat underneath. The bodice was a Queen Anne neckline and there was some red accents on the sleeves.

First to show was unsurprisingly Satan as he was the closest Sin to the pride ring and to the King of Hell in general. Then surprisingly Ozzie and Fizz showed up next. After that Bee dragged Belphy through the door, her legs under Bee’s arms, kinda like sadness and Joy from Inside Out. And then Mammon showed up. And finally Levi made a grand entrance.

"Okay everyone is here, I'm going to go get some food." Before you could listen to Lucifer’s protests you had rushed to the living room where the reception was being held. As you looked through the snack bar you felt someone bump into you someone tall.

"Sorry." Your eyes went wide. There is only one person who'd apologize in hell. You turned around and say Charlie smiling at you. "Hey! I didn't see you in the Foyer. Dad said you ran off to get a snack. Merry Sinsmas." She walked away.

You weren't expecting Charlie to be at the party.

"This is bad." You froze.

"Hm? what do you mean?" Fizz asked. You could hardly understand him with the fudge he was stuffing into his mouth though.

You pulled him away from the living and into the butlers pantry. You let him go and slammed the door to get some privacy and started to rub the anxiety out of your temples.

"Woah! Hey! Look you're cute but I don't swing that way."

"Please for one second could we not joke about this. I'm less than 30 minutes away from dying at the hands of my Naughter." You whisper yelled. Moving from your temples to the crick in your neck. You could feel your pulse beating irregularly.

"What?"

"My Naughter. Because she's Not my Daughter."

"Yet." He shoved the last bit of fudge from his plate into his mouth. "While I'm in here you don't mind if I raid your guys chip stash do you?"

"Go ahead. It's his anyway. I don't care what you do with it." You leaned forward onto one of the bottom cabinets. He stretched his robotic arms up and sifted through the upper cabinets.

"They might not be yours yet but after tonight they probably will be. Tonight is the night that Charlie will finally come to see you as a new parental figure. Either that or she'll straight up kill you for disrespecting her dad." You felt your pulse pick up as sweat dripped down your neck. You wanted to run, wanted to scream, wanted to cry. "Mmh mmh! These are delicious! Sorry, Mammon doesn't let me snack even when I'm off his dime. Ozzie on the other hand practically mother birds food down my throat."

"Have your fill. At least one of the last things I'll see is my friend being truly happy. Doing what he wants to do."

Fizz stopped munching down the chips and looked you in the eyes. "Listen. The little princess might be upset but she's known for being the sweetest most forgiving being in Hell. I'm sure if you just explained to her that he kidnapped you-."

"And kinda forced himself on me." You admitted, cutting Fizz off.

"He did what?" His eyes were like saucers.

"Well… kinda? I mean… it's complicated. We were at a party with my family and then I got mad at him because he was traumatizing my niece and nephews and then I wanted to break off this engagement and I thought maybe I could get away while I was on earth. Then he appeared through my fireplace and was absolutely ready to murder my family so I made a deal with him that if he didn't hurt my family he could do whatever he wanted to me."x

"Firstly, that explains what Ozzie meant when he said something off handedly about you and the king getting frisky. Secondly, Red that's blackmail. There is no black and white to this situation. There is a clear and present danger in your life." He squeezed your shoulders and used his contact name for you.

"Yeah and right now it's name is Charlie Morningstar. She's going to kill me."

"Look everything’s going to be fine. I'll talk to Ozzie after the party about seeing if you can stay with us for a while. I'm here for you, everything is going to be okay." Fizz hugged you. You found yourself falling into his warm embrace, and for the first time in hell… you cried. You wrapped your arms around his skinny body so tight it felt like he was going to pop. You were safe. If only for a moment.

////////////////////////////////////////

"Froggy! Where are you?" A voice called.

"Shit!" Fizz whispered in a sacred tone. "It's Ozzie. Dry your tears and stay in here okay?" Fizz opened the door right as Asmodeus was opening it from the other side. "Hi Oz."

"I thought you already came out of the closet?" Oz teased. "Hey lil hen!" He looked over to you, and took Fizz's hand.

"That's new." You remarked and followed behind them.

"Well female ducks are called Hens." Oz smiled at you.

…

"Oo! Looks like we're just in time for the end of the presents." Oz informed you both. They must've started early because you know that you and Fizz weren't in the pantry for half an hour.

"Aw. A wreath for the hotel! How thoughtful." Charlie smiled at your gift.

"Honey come here I want to hug you once I see what you got me."

"I'm good where I am." You said with a slight tremble in your voice. Charlie frowned and Furrowed her brow.

Lucifer opened the box and his face fell when he saw what it was. "You got me a white dildo, bedazzled with the words go fuck yourself written on it." And Go Fuck Yourself is in all capital letters too.

"Yep." You felt like you were going to pass out.

"That's disgusting." Charlie glared at you.

"To be fair I was going to get him a single sock instead but I couldn’t find anywhere that sold one sock and I didn't want to throw away money and throw away a sock."

"Can you please have a little more class than that? You're going to be the queen of Hell soon."

"Oh yes because if Hell's known for anything it's there upstanding citizens."

"Those are my people!"

"No, they're not! Your people are currently being treated like chew toys for the amusement of the rich. Your people are being abused and unfairly paid, sometimes not even being paid, while you and your father are profiting from their pain. Your people are the Imps and the Hellhound, and all the other Hellborn. Why is it that everyone in this room out ranks me in terms or raw power and/or social status and yet, I'm the only one who has actually done something for the Imps. So I restate what's on this dildo here. Both of you can go FUCK yourselves! After all the pain I’ve been through for the past 4 months, I’ve had enough! Good night and I hope you have a Merry Fucking Sinsmas!"

[ponett]

with the fallout of bandai namco's idiotic "it's up to interpretation" bs, do you think that it's possible to enjoy queer media made in a corporate environment in addition to independent works? is it even worthwhile to attempt making queer media in a corporate environment? i find it special how well the g-witch production team managed to tell the story they wanted even with the challenges and pressures they faced, but i have to admit that independent works like slarpg are always going to more completely tell queer stories. as someone who has resonated with both slarpg and g-witch, i was curious to know your perspective.

i'm probably less cynical about this than a lot of my peers are - not that i can blame anyone for feeling cynical about queer rep from corporate-owned media. (we've been through so many First Ever Gay Disney Characters at this point, and lord knows blizzard loves to tease that another overwatch character might be gay every year or so as a PR move.) unfortunately it's just extremely hard to get something like a full season of an animated series funded and produced independently, so the artists looking to enter these fields and pour their hearts and souls into meaningful queer stories as a full-time job don't have many options

going indie gives you theoretically endless creative freedom to tell your stories without corporate censorship, but it's also a massive gamble. only an extreme minority of indie creatives in any medium are actually able to make a living. the fact that i came out the other side of slarpg's development with enough money that i can keep being a full-time indie instead of being in massive debt makes me one of the lucky ones. and even with my modest success, i sure as hell don't have the money to hire a whole team, which limits the scope of what i can make. so i can't turn my nose up at the queer people writing disney channel cartoons where they can't say the word "gay" out loud. they have health insurance, i don't. for most people, what i do is simply not an option

with the corporate-produced Queer Stories i enjoy, i'm often able to squint and see what the creatives were trying to do, wishing that they could have done more while understanding that they probably had to fight tooth and nail for what's there

in the realm of children's animation in particular, i'm thankful that the people working at these studios ARE fighting for more, because it means that kids today have so many more positive queer stories to relate with. i didn't have a single gay character i felt i could relate to until i read scott pilgrim at age 16 and saw wallace wells. before that, i felt so alone in the world. i denied who i was for years because it felt like there would be no place for me. i didn't know anyone openly gay in real life, growing up in the south, and in fiction gay people either existed as the butt of a joke or not at all. the fact that queer kids are now able to see people like themselves in so many shows means something, even if we still have a long way to go and the big studios continue to be a major obstacle

on the subject of g-witch, i'm honestly unfazed by the statement from bandai-namco. i guess i wish they could've let suletta and miorine kiss, but like... the text of the show is extremely blunt about them being a couple by the end. it's not up for debate. and it's not like a gundam series having a meaningful story in spite of the wishes of the toy-producing overlords is anything new, this is just our latest example

all that being said, i do think people should branch out more and explore more weird indie shit if they want more wholeheartedly, openly queer stories. people gotta suck it up and embrace more outsider art instead of only valuing things with studio-level production values. start looking at ren'py visual novels, rpg maker games, obscure webcomics, zines drawn in sharpie, artists on bandcamp who aren't signed to a label, all that jazz. maybe part of the reason why i'm not more fazed by the state of affairs with corporate-funded fiction is that i'm constantly surrounded by furry artists who are telling their own little gay stories

[dozing-marshmallow]

Heyo! Just asking

Would you mind writing Yandere Noah Vs Yandere Mike from total drama? Thankssss! :>

Hellooo! Thank you so much for this fun request, so happy I was finally able to get this out! Also, I loooove your Radlynn theme, I loved playing the Papa Louie games so much growing up ^v^ enjoy !

YANDERE! NOAH VS YANDERE! MIKE HEADCANONS

Two guys fighting over you? My! How would that turn out?

Well, Noah would try to impress you with his intellect, Mike tried wooing you with his natural sweet personality.

Of course, you never thought these gestures had a bigger meaning than what met the eye.

Typical (Y/N).

A few months after the...season of All Stars aired, Chris wanted to throw a celebration reunion party for both casts before the brand new cast of Pahkitew Island was publicly introduced.

Noah and Mike were two of the many that didn’t want to go, but having the fact they were obliged to attend by their contract megaphoned, they soon put together that if this whole thing was mandatory for everyone, you would definitely be there.

Even if it wasn’t, you were a sweetheart, so you would’ve attended anyway.

Everyone was there alright, around their respective friend groups, and there Mike was, suspiciously having an exorbitant smile on his face for someone who wasn’t accompanied by anyone.

Noah knew the cause all too well, and takes it to confront him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Still a coward, huh?,“Ohh wow, that obvious lie came with that gap in your teeth? Take this as a warning, Mike. Unless you wanna make that gap bigger, back up trying to test your mediocre pick up lines on (Y/N) and you won’t have any more problems than what you already have to deal with.” his finger spiked into the taller male’s chest,“You have no chance with a girl that’s out of your generation, let alone out of your league.”

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong, Noah!" said guy’s attempt at intimidation massively backfiring with Mike putting a hand to his own burning chest,"See, even though I'm Mike first and personalities second, the...feeling (Y/N) gives me is so intense, it's actually taking a better effect on me than the medication my psychiatrist prescribes me!"

How lame.

The high IQ rolls his eyes at Mike’s pathetic attempt at love,"You know your identity disorder soooo well. You of all people should know that's illogical, but I was right. (Y/N) really does have a moron lusting after her."

"Wow! Can't believe you finally got around to realising how dumb you are!"

Noah’s glare deepens in his face as Mike’s smile grew. These conversations were getting boring,"Why don't you go back to nosebleed hair? I'm sure she's missing you terribly bro." Surely that would kick some alarm into him. That desperate friendless girl had to be looking for him.

Strangely, he was still all happy,"Oh! I called things off with Zoey!” Oh. No wonder why he’s not slighted.

Damn your humanity, Zoey. You couldn’t entertain this idiot for another season?

He takes out his hideous handmade accessory,“I took my necklace back, so I can cherish it to (Y/N) instead!" Poor girl.

No way you could love someone that lacked the decency to reserve his affection- I mean, Noah loved you from day one,"Gee even I'm offended you think a second hand thing is the best you can give to my (Y/N). You are so totally rich. Medication funds put you in debt much?"

"Actually, they were free, but you are right about one thing! Not fair to give something someone else had. I'll make her another! Bigger and better! Like my love for her." he kept getting more and more ideas.

Can he afford to keep up?,"Don't go over budget."

"Hah! Seems like you suffer from a memory disorder. Thanks to my win, I never have to worry about budget again!... How many seasons did you win again?" Mike asks, his smirk still the same, but his words this time around were coiled by a pleather of travesty that had forced Noah to face a stinging truth he hated to admit, hissing a response in avoidance.

“Cram it, blockhead.”

Mike was about to blow a comeback, when suddenly your goddess figure graced both of them with your presence, switching their rivalry selves to civil friends.

"Enjoying yourself over here, boys?"

"Oh, totally." Noah waved, that totally being true for once.

"Never been better (Y/N)!" Mike threw you a thumbs up.

“Aw! Great!” you gushed in delight at the two,“It’s so heartwarming to see you guys getting along so well especially since we come from different casts!” You’re...happy. 

You’re happy at them... Them...getting along? Yes... Yes, we do get along! Mike wants to be the one to amplify your joy by encompassing Noah’s neck around his arm, a perfect time to suffocate him, yet so far,“Oh, yeah!” he could feel the malice blaze in Noah’s eyes, but he wouldn’t dare try breaking out his grasp if it meant keeping you happy. It was just as despicable for him,“It’s real nice speaking to the competitors from earlier seasons! You can learn so much.”

The hidden venom irked the trapped male, making it ten times harder to hold back his sly tongue. But you were there... (Y/N), too pure to taste any hate, had rewritten the entire muscle of his jaw. 

“Yeah, what...” for (Y/N), for (Y/N), for (Y/N),“He said. Guy’s more lovable than Owen.” Big fat lie. But you were pleased.

“Aww! Well, I’ll leave you two be. See you later!” even when you had rolled the distance, your words were still as sweet as blood itself.

How caring you are.

Mike makes the immediate move to aggressively shove Noah away from him. 

An awkward silence sits in as the ugly nature of their opposition unravels in the air, Noah being the first to emerge,“You’re still here?”

Mike’s smile finally drops in a confused line,“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Dunno. Thought after seeing for yourself that (Y/N) has zero interest in you, like none whatsoever, you’d get going.” His blood vessels bloated in hatred under his skin.

How come? I’m the one that made our “friendship” more believable to her,“How could I after she gave me that smile?” saying that revived his one.

“Mhmm, that smile was totally for you. Get realistic!” No amount of verity could crush that delusion Mike had, which increasingly agitated Noah,“(Y/N) will never love you. Never.”

“There’s no never in that smile, Noah! The way you cope with denial is really cute!” See? This freak was enjoying it.

Noah sighed. Guess it’s what you have to do when you lose a game of love. Really unfortunate for him, this was very rewarding.

The man with sarcasm for a name turned his back to take one of the knives available from the cutlery table. He slid his finger up and down its shiny blade, remembering all about why he stayed in this meaningless party for this long. His chagrin is cut short.

At the same time, Mike discreetly checks his blazer pocket to ensure he still had his one occupying within. A similar sick with the strings of heart quivers its way onto his reddening lips.

(Y/N)...(Y/N)...

Things were about to get interesting.

[thatboreddrake]

Ruthlessness is Mercy

Alright, so now that I've got my incoherent ravings and memes about Epic: the Musical, the Vengeance Saga out of the way, I have some THOUGHTS about the musical symbolism in this new album! Speaking specifically about Get in the Water.

Because really, this song is a reflection of Ruthlessness, the song in the Ocean Saga where Odysseus faces off against Poseidon for the first time.

These parallels can be seen even from the opening lines of each song. Think about Poseidon's opening in Ruthlessness:

"Odysseus of Ithaca Do you know who I am?"

(Okay, so this is technically the end of Keep Your Friends Closer, but still, it's Poseidon's introduction). But recall Poseidon's behavior and attitude here: he's loud, he's proud, he's bombastic, he's in-your-face. He addresses Odysseus by his name as an intentional callback to when he taunted Polyphemus. Contrast this against the opening line of Get in the Water:

"There you are, coward."

There's a familiarity here that isn't present in Ruthlessness. Of course there is, Odysseus has narrowly evaded Poseidon's wrath once before (twice if you count Storm), and he's had 10 years to stew on that failure. Both of them know what this is about, it's just about putting an end to unfinished business. Poseidon is not proud, he is not overly aggressive. He's much calmer here than he was in Ruthlessness.

This is even reflected in the music. Ruthlessness features a piano playing in triplet and trumpets to accompany Poseidon. The god of waves has come to bring retribution on the one who dared to harm his son. On the other hand, Get in the Water, features a much more synthetic sound, oscillating back and forth. This motif is used a lot in Epic to denote the presence or usage of godly powers (think Calypso's reveal of her nature in Love in Paradise). Furthermore, the piano is much slower, more menacing, more methodical. Poseidon is not acting in a heat of rage. As I said before, he's had a long time to think about this.

Poseidon's choice of words punctuates this point as well. He has a point to make in Ruthlessness. He's not just here to kill Ody and his crew, he's here to explain exactly what it is that they've done and why they deserve to die for it.

"I've gotta make you bleed, I need to see you drown But before you go, I need to make you learn how Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves"

It's not just about the fact that Odysseus got into a fight with Polyphemus. It almost seems that Poseidon couldn't care less about that. After all:

"I mean, you totally could have avoided all this had you just killed my son"

Poseidon's problem is not that Ody hurt his son, those things happen in the world of mythology. No, his issue is that Ody refused to finish the job. Instead of granting Polyphemus a quick death, he instead elects to "spare" him, leaving him to suffer a lifetime of agony to live with his blindness. Poseidon goes on and on about this (it is the main theme of the song after all).

But in Get in the Water? It's all about salvaging Poseidon's reputation and finishing what he started.

"I've got a reputation I've got a name to uphold So I can't go letting you walk or else the world forgets I'm cold"

By this point, Poseidon has killed hundreds of Odysseus's men and subjected him to horrible torment. By any normal metric, the debt has been repaid. Ody didn't kill Polyphemus, so strictly speaking there's no need to kill him necessarily. The lines listed above almost seem to be a callback to this line from Monster:

"Or does he keep us in check So we must respect him And now no one dares to piss him off?"

Anyway, by the time of Get in the Water it's no longer about avenging his son for Poseidon. In fact, Poseidon makes no mention of his son throughout the entire song! Granted, Poseidon threatens Telemachus with the same fate that Odysseus gave to Polyphemus, but this strikes me more as incentive for Odysseus than anything else. This is all about finishing his business with Odysseus, and Poseidon's command to Odysseus reflects this:

"Now get in the water"

Poseidon says this so nonchalantly. He almost sounds as tired of this feud as Odysseus is. In fact, it's not until the second half of the song that Poseidon regains a portion of the fury that he exudes throughout the entirety of Ruthlessness. And this culminates in the same command in both songs:

"Die"

And here's where the parallels get particularly interesting to me. Because both outbursts follow an attempt by Odysseus to assuage Poseidon's wrath. In Ruthlessness, he appeals to his men's relative innocence in the matter:

"Poseidon, we meant no harm We only hurt him to disarm him We took no pleasure in his pain We only wanted to escape"

Here, Poseidon's reaction is a realization that Odysseus has completely misunderstood the very nature of the interaction. He realizes that Odysseus is arguing out of ignorance, and so the reply does nothing to enrage him. He's not having fun with it like he was before, this is just something he has to do. And so:

"Ruthlessness is mercy Die"

Compare this with the same interaction in Get in the Water. Odysseus once again tries to encourage Poseidon to put the past behind them and move on. To forgive and forget.

"We're both hurting from losses So why not leave this here and just go home?"

Here again, Poseidon does not get angry from Odysseus's suggestion. He merely offers a defeated:

"I can't"

Misunderstanding Poseidon's quietude for passivity, Odysseus attempts to press his advantage, insinuating that, even if it seems impossible to Poseidon, it is still possible for him to learn how to forgive Odysseus.

"Maybe you could learn to forgive?"

And here's where Poseidon really snaps. Because for ten years, he's been waiting to kill the man who blinded his son and had the audacity to escape his retribution. Odysseus broke into his son's home, killed his sheep, and stabbed him in the eye. And now he thinks he can get away without getting his due consequences?

"No Ruthlessness is... Mercy upon... Ourselves Die"

In Ruthlessness, "Die" is a statement of fact. It's a sure thing that Odysseus will die, so Poseidon puts very little emotion behind it. It's a command, surely to be obeyed. In Get in the Water, however, "Die" is an exclamation of fury. Poseidon screams it out because, in that moment, he wants nothing more to kill Odysseus.

In Ruthlessness, Poseidon begins in a state of almost glee but ends in a state of resignation. He isn't enjoying it, but still it has to be done. In Get in the Water, however, Poseidon begins with a sense of quiet fury. There's no rage, no wild temper, he's just finally getting to do what he's waited to do for ten years. And yet, he ends with a greater feeling of anger and hatred towards Odysseus than is shown even in Ruthlessness. Because Ody was supposed to have learned his lesson. He was supposed to know better now. And yet he still wants to offer mercy, and expects his foe to do the same.

So yeah.

[smytherines]

You said asks about the silly blorbo so I'm here now ig-

I love your takes on disabled Owen so *grabby hands* please? Spare some headcanons? Thank you kindly

Time to get sad

One thing I think about a lot is that Owen thinks his only value to anyone is how useful he is. His talent at certain things. His deadly accurate aim, his ability to manipulate tiny mechanisms with precise hands. His ability to plan and keep his own emotions in check until the plan is executed. That Owen sees himself as a weapon, a tool, instead of a person.

The Russians pull him out of the rubble, and they do just enough to keep him alive. They keep him in a tiny, cold, sunless room. No painkillers. His wounds starting to fester. His broken bones setting incorrectly. And they interrogate him endlessly. Day after day after day until he has no idea how long he has been there.

At the start he holds onto the hope that Curt will somehow know he's alive. That any second now Curt is going to bust through the door covered in the blood of a dozen Russian guards, and hold him (its been so long since anyone has touched him in a way that didn't inflict pain) and find a way to get him out.

Owen doesn't generally have faith in people, but he has faith in Curt. Curt may have left him in the explosion, but surely what they had meant something to him? Surely he wouldn't give up unless he was absolutely certain Owen was dead. If their roles were reversed, Owen wouldn't stop until he was certain there was no hope. Curt is brash and cocky and reckless, but he's also stubborn and foolishly brave, and he loves Owen. So Owen tells himself to just hold on. Just stay alive until Curt can get to him.

His spine was damaged in the fall, his hip was crushed by falling concrete, so he can't walk. He has extensive nerve damage in his dominant left arm and hand, making it hard to grip cups or utensils or even a pencil. He certainly won't be doing any work with tiny electronic components any time soon. He isn't even sure he has enough hand strength left to squeeze a trigger. His muscles are atrophied and he's frail and he can count his ribs through his skin.

Eventually, Chimera comes to claim him. They make a deal with the Russians and the Russians are thrilled to be rid of the British spy who won't give up his secrets, and requires expensive medical treatment, and keeps nearly dying on them.

Owen is afraid. He's alone. He has no idea how long he has been in this Russian base, no idea how long it has been since he fell. He has finally stopped imagining Curt bursting heroically into his room. He tries his best not to think about Curt at all. Clearly Curt wasn't thinking about him.

Chimera doesn't capture Owen. They don't force him, they don't torture him, they don't brainwash him. They offer him a choice: stay in this cell, disfigured and disabled and in pain until eventually the Russians give up and let him die. Or come work for Chimera.

Owen laughs. He can't even walk. He can barely hold a spoon, nevermind a gun. He has headaches and vertigo and strange emotional outbursts that terrify him. Sometimes he can barely order his thoughts in a way that makes sense. The Chimera representative tells him that Chimera has access to the best scientists in the world, the best doctors, medical technology that is far more advanced than anything the National Health would provide for him. His only real hope of recovery is to join Chimera, let their doctors work on him, and eventually repay his debts through service. He has the opportunity to be useful to someone again.

The Russians have been arguing over letting him die from the moment he arrived. Curt isn't coming for him. Nobody is coming for him.

So Owen accepts Chimera's offer. As they slowly, meticulously work to heal him, breaking and resetting his bones, reconstructing the shattered parts of his spine and hip, using skin grafts to restore function to his dominant hand, he begins to truly believe in Chimera's cause.

The US, the British, the Russians have all been responsible for obscene levels of violence in service of their cause. Owen knows this better than most, he was the one carrying out their orders. Really, what's the difference between their violence and the violence Chimera expects from him?

With MI6 he was disposable. In his relationship he was disposable. But if he works hard enough and is useful enough to Chimera, he can make himself indispensable. Powerful enough that nothing can ever touch him again.

[lazyscience]

so there's something I feel like young leftists are not getting at all when they rail furiously about how "we keep voting for Democrats but they keep just pandering to the right, what are we supposed to DO to get them to change OTHER than not vote for them?"

It has to do with fundamental assumptions about what "governing" is supposed to mean in the modern era, and this is a conversation that has to happen culturally in and around what is happening at the ballot box in a lot larger sense than it is. putting in a readmore because this gonna get long and also ranty.

It also means I'm taking another Tumblr break because I can not, I CAN NOT with the current political discussion any more and even with terms blocked I'm seeing it, and I don't want to spend my evenings alternating between rage and depression, I get enough of that from the news.

This conversation was happening even earlier than this, but the timepoint at which it was first coming to a head and when I became familiar with it was 1994 and Newt Gingrich's "Contract with America". Prior to this point, the ethos on both sides of the aisle (in public) was that in general, a congressperson's job (especially in the House, a little less so in the Senate maybe) was while you were under the umbrella of one of the two parties, you were mostly looking out for the particular agenda of your state and only secondarily working towards a national agenda. And secondary to this idea, most of them agreed on basic principles that gridlock was bad (wouldn't produce anything useful/re-electable for your state), civil service employees and appointees weren't supposed to be blatant political operatives (there were, of course, but that was considered more sleazy and corrupt than "elections have consequences, hurr hurr") and that for the stability of the country, things like the debt ceiling were best mutually avoided.

So for the better part of the 20th century, the Democrats were more the party of regulation, the social safety net and the reality and use of powers on a federal level; the Republicans were the party of "leave these decisions to the individual states" (this is obviously a grotesque oversimplification, people have literally written dozens, probably hundreds, of scholarly books about this shit). And Newt Gingrich, ambitious little shit from an at the time deep red Republican state, said "you know what, we need to embrace a national party and federal control the way the Democrats have--because until then, WE can't control it." So the Contract With America was born - and the goal became instead of "well, whatever, as long as I can weasel out concessions for my state/special interests that hired me" the game ALSO became "demonstrate that federal government doesn't work by MAKING it not work." By using all the procedural stupid dirty tricks that a reactionary old bunch of white dudes that had just been through a war put into place to make any point of settled law that had happened basically as hard to change as fucking possible.

Now, the Democrats couldn't/didn't WANT to play by those rules, because their biggest and most popular successes (qualified, imperfect, but still) - Social Security, Medicaid, the civil rights movement, antitrust, worker protections, environmental protections - are all contingent on a federal government apparatus that actually fucking works. And now that the Republicans can win either by getting what they want OR by yelling "look, this process is clearly broken and doesn't work!", the only way Democrats can make sweeping changes without having to fight tooth and nail every step of the way is to have a majority in both houses of Congress, control the Presidency, and the Supreme Court.

Because again, the reactionary old white men who had just lived through a butt ton of social upheaval wanted to make it hard for one group of (rich white, male enfranchised) people to control another - and they literally at that time could not have envisioned the way the country would grow into both a far more unified AND polarized place that would take these safety rails and exploit them to block every achievement their opponent might make, whether or not it was actually in the best interests of the people they're representing.

(I mean, they should have, political parties and all that toxicity were not new to the British Empire before the colonies even existed, but well, I think we all know by now there's a lot of things they couldn't have imagined. See also: the second amendment)

So here's the deal - if you punish Joe Biden for being a confused corporate-friendly war-hawkish atrocity-enabling weenus - which he totally is sometimes! - you are kneecapping any actually progressive congressional candidates you elect unless you can also deliver 67+ solidly Democrat/Green/whatever the fuck Angus King is votes in the Senate, and 290+ equally staunch Democratic representatives. Because otherwise, that Republican President's just gonna veto everything they legislate that isn't what he wants. And yes, the Senate has to approve any federal judges or Supreme Court justices he wants to appoint - but again, the Republican party sees the federal court system being slow, backed up and impossible to use as a totally acceptable compromise in return for being able to block any significant Democratic legislation from going forward.

Since 1789, do you know how many vetoes have been overridden by supermajority? 109, out of 1,484.

Now, if you could GET that supermajority in the Senate and the House? You could amend the Constitution! You could make mail-in votes mandatory, and/or mandated paid time off for voting. You could mandate ranked-choice voting, so that leftists could vote for the candidate they actually want without splitting up the bloc to the advantage of the fash/fash-adjacent. You could do things like mandate that a Presidential election isn't valid until a minimum threshold number of votes has been achieved that's actual a majority of eligible voters, not just whatever fanatical minority shows up that day, so some asshole who won with 20 percent of eligible voters can't claim to have "a mandate from The People."

BUT WITHOUT THAT SUPERMAJORITY, VOTING TO PUNISH ELECTED OFFICIALS FOR NOT DOING THINGS THEY CANNOT FUCKING DOOOOOO MEANS NOTHING BUT LOSING FOR ALL OF US!

Especially when the other fucking asshole candidate wants to make it legal for the National Guard to LIVE FIRE WITH ACTUAL MILITARY BULLETS ON PROTESTORS, and the Supreme Court has just made it possible for him if elected to order that and have it not be illegal! If he wants to start deporting all Muslim immigrants like he was trying to push for last time he was elected, or round up LGBTQ people and put them in re-education camps, if he gets elected, he could do that now! Because crimes committed as "official acts" are no longer crimes!

So you want to not have to regularly make shitty compromises in the voting booth any more? Great, neither do I. Here are the only ways I see this going forward:

Get 2/3rd of the states of the union to call for an Article V constitutional convention - and be willing to have the process potentially hijacked by fash nutjobs at the state level if those 2/3rds aren't all Democratic-controlled. It's possible - I mean, the system was specifically designed to work that way - but the fact that a) an Article V convention has not successfully been called in the history of the US, and b) the only people advocating for that in the year 2024 are the actual fucking Heritage Foundation of the infamous Project 2025, Ben Shapiro of "but pussy doesn't get wet" fame, Greg "the solution to Uvalde is arming teachers" Abbott and similar nutjobs make me think that's not the safest way to get the outcome we want here.

Hold your noses and get 67 Senators and 290 Representatives elected that are either Democrats or who will reliably caucus with them like Socialists or Greens and have them pass a law to require ranked choice voting for the presidency - there's a chance it'll get a constitutional challenge from the Supreme Court, but there's not a solid precedent either forbidding or encouraging, and by the time it's an issue hopefully we're back in 5/4 liberal court territory if Alito and Thomas either retire or get canned. That will mean a lot of mid corporatist conservative Dems who will make decisions you don't like and don't want to support, but with an endgame of someday getting to stop doing that. This is honestly probably the most achievable, so it is also the one Republicans are fighting against hardest with gerrymandering and voter suppression, and they have banned it on the state level in Florida, Montana, South Dakota, Tennessee and Idaho.

Let Republicans get elected to prove a point. This will result in an unknown but presumably acceptable to you number of deportations, convictions, legal abuse and deaths among people the Trump administration declares undesirable, including Muslims, Palestinians, trans people, anyone working in gender studies or race studies, the unhoused, potential child labor, and people of childbearing potential among others. This is not a threat to get you to fall in line. It is a prediction based on the previous behaviorand stated policy positions of Mr. Trump, the Republican National Convention, and the decision of the Supreme Court allowing his administration to carry out what would otherwise be crimes but for a president are "official actions" now apparently. It will also at the very least make easier the capture of the Supreme Court for another two or three decades during which no effective challenges can be brought for voter suppression, gerrymandering, and violent suppression of protest.

honest question: how, exactly, if it becomes an illegal act to talk about racism, queer liberation or police reform, are you proposing to get your better, more leftist candidates elected? I am so serious right now, why do you think after another four years of Trump provided he doesn't just immediately declare martial law like he already almost did once, do you think people would be willing to stick their necks out to identify themselves as enemies of the state? Think about the stranglehold Joseph McCarthy had on this country from 1947-1957.

[sunshine-overload]

[BSTS] Main Story S5Ch8 'Long Night' - Part 2

part 1

Chapter 2

-rehearsal room-

akira: .......

takami: What's wrong, Akira?

akira: Nothing. Was just thinking that Saki-chan hasn't visited for a few days now. 

takami: That's true, maybe she's been busy. Does it discourage you that she's not here?

akira: Obviously. I want her to see how hard I'm working. Have there been any updates on Sin? You ran into Unei on the way here didn't you?

takami: I didn't speak with him directly but it appears Sin has been discharged from the hospital.

akira: Oh? And what about Kokuyou?

taiga: I still haven't been able to get in contact with him. Feels like he's ghosting me.

takami: It's possible he's shut his phone off for personal reasons.

akira: Personal huh...

-sin walks in-

sin: Can you hear the footsteps in the night?

taiga: Woah!? Sin is here!

akira: You sure got here quick. I heard you got caught up in a car accident?

sin: ...I'm fine. I just took a little knock to the head.

taiga: That doesn't sound like nothing.

sin: There were no problems found when they examined me.

akira: .......

takami: You sure got caught up in an unlucky situation. Have you spoken with the person who injured you?

sin: The shadow does not possess a name.

takami: I see, so you don't know who it was...

taiga: So it was a hit and run? You seriously need to be more careful.

akira: Well, what matters is that he's ok. Now it's just Kokuyou we need to worry about... Where the heck is he?

sin: All that can be found inside the empty box is dusk. Before night falls you must block out the light.

akira: I have no idea what you're saying man.

taiga: I feel so restless, a Starless without Kokuyou in it is so weird.

takami: True... On the off chance he doesn't show up I think we should prepare a back up plan. Akira, do you have any ideas?

akira: Without our leader I'm the highest in command yeah? I know that already. We'll proceed with a version of the show with me as the centre. Find someone to fill up our missing spot.

takami: I've already asked Kasumi to help us. Mokuren gave their consent as well.

akira: Then we're already all set? You're so capable it's almost annoying y'know.

—-end

-

Chapter 2 extra

-starless hallway-

takami: Kei, have you heard that we haven't been able to contact Kokuyou?

kei: I have. If W has a missing man do you intend to borrow a substitute from another team?

takami: Worry not, we've already asked someone. Kasumi will be filling in if Kokuyou does not show up in time.

kei: Then why are you speaking to me?

takami: I was just wondering if you're also in a bit of a pinch. Your mind is elsewhere isn't it?

kei: It is none of your concern. You should focus on your own performance.

-starless office-

akira: How mean can a person be? How did Mokuren even eat that many?

takami: What happened?

yakou: It seems that Akira bought some protein bars but Mokuren ate every single one of them.

mokuren: Obviously. Think of it as payment for me letting you borrow Kasumi.

akira: Aren't those completely unrelated matters?

takami: We're thankful for Kasumi's help though. This way we don't need to delay and can proceed with rehearsals.

yakou: Still, it's pretty unusual that Kokuyou hasn't shown up or contacted us yet.

takami: Indeed. We can't get a hold of him at all.

mokuren: It can't be helped, want me to replace him instead of Kasumi?

takami: Someone like you wouldn't be able to sub in for Kokuyou. It's true that you used to be a W member too but you're in a league of your own.

mokuren: It's not like you to try and flatter me, Takami. You owe me one.

takami: It's not flattery, I'm being serious. And I understand that we're in your debt.

yakou: 'Abandon the Dawn' is the name of your new show huh. I think Kasumi will be able to blend right in.

mokuren: Hopefully it interferes with his C lessons. That way he'll require make-up training.

yakou: You shouldn't be saying that, Mokuren. Kokuyou isn't here so please cooperate.

mokuren: You think I care? I've done my part in helping them already.

yakou: So, if Kokuyou does return, will you have him take Kasumi's place?

akira: Eeeh, nah. We'll just have Kasumi perform the whole run.

yakou: Well, I have no complaints as long as everything goes well. It looks like it will be a success at least.

mokuren: You're lucky this is happening while the owner isn't here. He'd be making a fuss about disbanding their team right now.

yakou: I can't deny that... Still, I wonder what happened to Kokuyou. Is he sick? Has anyone checked his apartment?

takami: No, I haven't been to check. Could anyone lend me his address?

akira: Don't worry, I'll go check on him. I'll leave it to you to teach Kasumi the choreo, Takami.

—end

-

Chapter 2 SideA

-starless balcony, evening-

kei: ....... (sigh)

takami: Kei, if you're looking for something then I think I could help you.

kei: No need.

takami: Stealing back what's been stolen is just a simple game of cat and mouse.

kei: And so what if it is? I am just doing what I must.

takami: It's just like you to be persistent . Then, how about you utilise my help?

kei: Why would I do that?

takami: Because I can prepare what it is that you need. For example, I could prepare a perfect replica, that would be useful to you, would it not?

kei: I refuse. I have no intentions of being used by you.

takami: I'm doing no such thing. All I want from you is information. About the Miki-san's and Iwami-san, and various other things.

kei: You really think I'll agree to that? 

takami: I'm up for further negotiations whenever. Kasumi interrupted us last time after all.*

kei: You mean back during W's 'BLACKSTAR' performance? It's too late for that now.

takami: Not for us it isn't. I'd like to avoid any unnecessary confusion.

kei: So you're trying to gain my gratitude?

takami: Who knows... It's just, because of the rumours spreading about the owner's absence, the power balance of this area is in danger.

kei: So you're saying continuing this farce of a play is your keeper's wish?

takami: —So, what will you do?

kei: It's obvious what my highest priority is. For now I shall dance to your tune.

takami: I wasn't expecting you to agree. In that case, negotiations are complete. I'll let you know when things have been prepared.

-takami leaves-

kei: ...He's annoying to deal with. I'd rather not associate with him, but I have no choice.

-kei's phone rings-

kei (on phone): It's me. What is it? 

I'm not happy about it, but not knowing Kokuyou's location is the only way to protect her. It's only for a few days, I can put up with leaving Saki to him for that long.

What? But that place is close to... Why would he go there, of all places…

kei (on phone): No, for now it is still safer than her being here. Understood, I'm grateful for the update.

-kei hangs up-

kei: Birds are suited to the freedom of the sky... Will I allow it to be swallowed up by the shadow of fate?

—end

*Takami is referencing the talk in S2Ch6 - SideB 2 extra

-

Chapter 2 SideA extra

-behind starless, day-

hinata (on phone): Hello~ It's me. Yeah, that's right, I went and checked a locker at the train station for him. He's a real slave driver~ Not to mention when I finally found the right locker it was empty! Like, why did he send me there if nothing was inside? It doesn't make any sense~ Also the other day he randomly told me to go and search for Sin and—

-kei appears-

hinata (on phone): Oh, sorry, I gotta go. Someone that's hard to deal with just showed up.

kei: Chatting away on the phone during your work hours, you truly are taking your obligations lightly.

hinata: I'm on my break! I'll head right back so don't get on my case about it. And so? You got business with me or something? I'm not in the mood for a lecture.

kei: You were the first to discover Sin after he was injured, weren't you, Hinata?

hinata: What? You want to talk to me about Sin? I was told by Iwa-san to look for him... It was awful, he was bleeding everywhere and I had to call an ambulance.

kei: I see. So there were no other witnesses and you were the one who claimed he'd been in an 'accident'. There's no way to prove that is the truth.

hinata: What do you mean by that?

kei: Oh I wonder. You above all should know best what I'm insinuating. I'm just wondering if the theory that the first person on the scene is the most suspicious holds any weight.

hinata: W-wait a minute, what are you saying? You don't think I did something do you? Go ask Sin yourself, he'll tell you the same thing! It's the truth!

kei: Indeed, I have already asked him. He told me that you saved him.

hinata: Then... You suspecting me was just a bluff? Tch, don't piss me off, you're messed up in the head, you know that?

kei: I simply wanted to hear your understanding of the situation. Return to your work.

hinata: Oh shut up, you idiot! You're so freakin' annoying!

-hinata leaves-

kei: Setting him up as the first one on the scene and sending him to pick something up at the train station lockers... I wonder if Hinata himself even realises the extent in which he is being used.

—end

-

Chapter 2 SideB

-old messy house, night-

kokuyou: ...It reeks of mould.

saki: This place is...

kokuyou: Relatives of mine own this house. When I was a kid they looked after me for a period of time. After my grandparents died my relatives moved away and no one has lived here since. Being here again is nostalgic but this place is a complete mess. Come on in, there's still space to move around.

saki: Please excuse me.

kokuyou: Sorry about the mess. If anything gets in your way just push it aside. It's still dark out, what time is it— Right, we left our phones behind. I can't even check the time.

saki: We can't check the news or anything either.

kokuyou: I wonder if there's anything in my jacket pocket... My lighter and... This isn't gonna be useful.

saki: What is that?

kokuyou: It's an mp3 player. I put our new show's song on it.

-koku starts playing 'abandon the dawn' instrumental-

saki: (This song...)

kokuyou: .......

saki: Um, Kokuyou-san, I really am sorry for getting you involved in this.

kokuyou: There's no need for you to apologise. This isn't anything new and it's not like I could just leave you be.

saki: But your show is starting in a few days... I know, why don't you let me stay here for a while? You can head back to Starless and prepare for your show.

kokuyou: You want me to leave you on your own? Don't be ridiculous, we’re past the point of going back now.

saki: I don't want to cause you any more trouble than this.

kokuyou: Sin told me to hide you away for a week. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do. A week means I should make it back in time for the opening show. Things should calm down by then. Team W has Akira and Takami, they can handle themselves. 

saki: But you need to rehearse too, Kokuyou-san. Otherwise you won't be able to synchronise with the others.

kokuyou: Don't tell me you're worried about me messing up. I don't need any advice on that front. So long as the Starless stage exists, I'll be there.

Feel free to use the house however you like. Don't mind me. You're probably still on edge but try and get some rest. You're tired, so don't go overthinking things. I'm gonna go check something out back, don't go outside.

—end

-

Chapter 2 SideB extra

-kokuyou's relatives house, evening-

saki: Nn...? I fell asleep…

saki: (What time is it...? Looks like it's evening... I wonder where Kokuyou-san is.)

kokuyou: You awake? I didn't think you'd crash right here, I even cleaned up a room further in the house for you.

saki: Sorry, it wasn't intentional...

kokuyou: It's fine, you must've been really tired.

saki: Did you sleep too, Kokuyou-san?

kokuyou: Yeah, just a bit. I checked out the area too. There's a small strip of shops nearby, so if you're hungry we can grab something to eat. There's a public bathhouse there too. The shrine behind the house hasn't changed either. This place really is just as it was in the past.

saki: Oh right, you said this was your relative's place didn't you? Did you come here to play when you were little?

kokuyou: Yeah, something like that. Since I haven't been here for a while I figured we'd be safe coming this far. It doesn't seem like we've been followed but don't go wandering off on your own just in case.

saki: .......

saki: Is there nothing that you want to ask me?

kokuyou: If I did, would you even have any answers?

saki: That's...

kokuyou: I know that you don't know what's going on either. So asking anything would be pointless and only trouble you, am I right?

saki: Sorry...

kokuyou: There's nothing you need to apologise for. I've told you this already. Even if you had answers, you're not the only one who wouldn't talk about it.

saki: What do you mean?

kokuyou: Those at Starless are all the same way. If you ask them anything they're not the type to give you an honest answer. So, don't worry about it.

saki: ...Thank you.

kokuyou: Anyways, did you want to step out for a bit? We can go buy something to eat.

saki: —Um, Kokuyou-san.

kokuyou: What is it?

choice: I want you to get back in time for the performance / thank you for helping me

>thank you for helping me

saki: Thank you so much for helping me.

kokuyou: Don't sweat it. As if I could just leave you be in that situation. Now go and get yourself ready to go out. Your bedhead is pretty impressive.

saki: Uwah, I need a mirror! I'm borrowing the bathroom!

-saki runs off-

kokuyou: ...I'll have to do something about this.

—end

>I want you to get back in time for the performance 

saki: I want you to make it back in time for your performance.

kokuyou: You... —Understood, thanks. Now go and get yourself ready to go out. Your bedhead is pretty impressive.

-

Chapter 3

-rehearsal room-

akira: Aaand we're all done. As always you're quick on the uptake huh, Kasumi?

kasumi: Ahaha, I'm glad you think so. Maybe it's thanks to the fact you're the centre.

takami: We've gotten used to the new centre as well. The show has taken shape.

taiga: As expected Akira's version of Tristan is way too flashy. I could never~ 

akira: I'm always giving it my all y'know. Man~ I wish Saki-chan was here, I wanted to sing my words of love to her.

taiga: She hasn't been visiting recently. I guess she must be busy.

takami: I heard she hasn't been feeling well. Kei was worried about her.

akira: Wha, I hadn't heard that. Is she ok?

takami: I don't know the details, but I hope she feels better soon and is well enough to come visit again.

kasumi: Same~ I'd love for her to come and see the new show. And if possible, I hope it can be performed by the whole of W. So... Any updates on Kokuyou?

taiga: Nope. I think his phone battery is dead.

takami: Didn't you go check his apartment, Akira? 

akira: I did, but his motorbike wasn't there and I couldn't find him anywhere either.

sin: If the evening is destined to become darkness then the curtain of the night becomes meaningless. Furthermore, a dull blade cannot cut through the stars. That is all there is to it.

takami: It's not easy to be optimistic in a situation like this.

akira: Don't overthink it. We just gotta do what we gotta do.

taiga: A performance without Kokuyou huh... I never even considered it being a possibility. Has W ever put on a show without him before?

akira: Nope. Not that I know of at least.

taiga: I see, I'm a little worried what the audience's reaction will be like.

akira: I told you, we just gotta do it. Quit your mumbling.

taiga: Huh? Ah... Got it, sorry.

kasumi: Ahaha, Mokuren always says that if you're worried then it means you haven't practised enough, Taiga~ Let me help you with a Team C style intensive training course.

taiga: What? Hold up, since when were you this sort of character? No way!

kasumi: Can we start over from the top, Akira?

akira: ...Yeah, sure. The overall level of our performance is fine but if you're concerned about Taiga then let's focus on him.

taiga: Give me a break here!

sin: The diffused reflection of the light produces a false image. All we can do is follow the winding spiral as it disappears down into the void.

takami: No matter what happens, I just hope this is put an end to quickly.

—end

-

Chapter 3 extra

-starless restaurant area-

heath: Gui, you're acting differently from usual.

gui: ...Am I?

heath: The colour of your aura is wavering. Did something happen?

gui: ...No.

heath: It wavered again. Is this about Saki? It is, isn't it? I haven't seen her here in a few days now and she always visits a lot, especially before a show starts. If you know something then tell me. Don't lie.

gui: I can't tell you.

heath: Oh you ‘can't’? I see what's going on here. Fine, I'll go and ask Kei then.

-heath leaves-

gui: Me too... I want to know what's going on as well.

-gui leaves-

-starless backrooms-

heath: Hold it, Kei. Have you put her in danger again? Where is Saki? Tell me where she is this instant.

kei: Calm down, Heath. I am aware that you currently do not trust me.

heath: (coughing fit)

gui: Heath...! Heath, breathe. Slowly, in, out, in, out...

kei: Are you here to question me too, Gui?

heath: (coughing) ...Sorry, I'm fine, Gui.

kei: I understand your concerns fully. However, there is no need to worry as currently she is safe. In order for her to avoid any further danger, she has left the immediate vicinity.

heath: ........

heath: Is she truly safe?

kei: Yes. There is someone with her to protect her. And that is neither you nor I.

heath: And can you trust this person?

kei: ...Somewhat.

heath: Why... why can't it be me? Why the fuck are you standing around here instead of helping her?

kei: Because I must be here in order to protect her. Doing so is the very reason for my existence. Gui, look after Heath. Search within yourselves for your own reasons to be.

gui: Ok.

-kei leaves-

heath: ...Godammit. Why am I always so powerless?

—end

-

Chapter 3 SideA

-break room-

akira: Thanks, Kasumi. You've really saved our asses this time around.

kasumi: Oh no, it's no problem. I'm just happy to be useful. But... Don't go overdoing it, Akira.

akira: Hm? What's this? Are you looking out for me? If so I'd rather it be a cute girl that's fawning over me.

kasumi: Ahaha, noted~ Well, I'll see you in our next rehearsal then.

-kasumi leaves-

akira: .......

-nekome appears-

nekome: That was one one big sigh. You must've been working hard, you alright?

akira: Well I'm not alright anymore. I'm not in the mood to talk to you right now.

nekome: Looks like I caught you at a bad time~ Though that's to be expected, your team was suddenly thrown for a loop after all.

akira: Thrown for a loop huh... Funny hearing you of all people say that. By the way, Nekome, you wouldn't happen to know anything would you?

nekome: About what?

akira: Like why someone would suddenly disappear, or where they would go if they decided to. You have experience in those areas after all, could you give me some advice?

nekome: Hahah, that's a tough question. Kokuyou and I are completely different too.

akira: Completely different? What do you mean by that?

nekome: I mean that we value and prioritise different things. The things that we can't abandon.

akira: I don't get what you're trying to say.

nekome: Hey, Akira, do you have any spare change on you?

akira: Don't extort me, you haven't even answered my question. 

-nekome buys something from the vending machine-

nekome: Hahaha, sorry. To be honest though, Akira, I don't know either. So, I'm sorry for all the trouble I must’ve caused~ It even bothered you, right?

-nekome leaves-

akira: Look at that, he had plenty of change on him. Why is he like this...

—end

-

Chapter 3 SideA extra

-police station-

kei: The person who assaulted you has been arrested. However he was merely a thug working under someone else's orders. By the way, Hinata mentioned that he was told by Iwami to go and look for you... He didn't appear to have any intention to hide that fact either. 

sin: He is using his pawns to his convenience. Those who know nothing are easier to control. Anything else?

kei: The item that was stolen from you had already been passed off to a different courier. However the ghost is not on the move. Before long, the one in possession of the card shall also be arrested.

sin: Meaning it has not reached that man's hands yet?

kei: Those who already work for money are easily convinced by more money.

sin: I see. So you're just waiting for them to fall into your trap. Alas, it is clear who is pulling the strings behind this. We should prepare our next move.

kei: I made a deal with a faithful dog. His keeper is preparing to go on the hunt.

sin: You made a surprisingly bold choice.

kei: It was necessary to assure the bird's freedom.

sin: So you're willing to get your hands dirty if it's for her sake. That is just like you.

kei: It's still not enough. The shady groups around here are already looking for new positions.

sin: Hm, it's bothersome. Has news of Haseyama's absence gotten around?

kei: The cover up has reached its limit. 

sin: The pests infecting the nearby area should have been exterminated though.

kei: It's still not enough. That is why I must immediately change my approach.

sin: Meaning that taking back her card is the top priority?

kei: Exactly that.

—end

-

Chapter 3 SideB

-kokuyou's relative's house, day-

saki: (Today marks the end of the week Sin-san told us to run for... Tomorrow will be the opening show of Team W's performance. I wonder if Kokuyou-san could get there in time if he went alone on his bike? I could take the train...)

saki: ...Hm? Where is Kokuyou-san actually? Maybe he went outside.

-time pass, roadside path, day-

saki: ...He's not here either. I wonder where he went.

-screen glitches-

saki: (W-what was that? For some reason... this path feels familiar—)

kokuyou: What are you doing out here, Saki? I told you not to wander around by yourself.

saki: I'm sorry. I just wanted to check how you were.

kokuyou: I was visiting the shrine out back... Sorry for leaving you on your own.

saki: No, it's fine. I also— Huh?

-screen shakes-

saki: (Ngh... My head hurts... Why...?)

kokuyou: ...We've had a conversation like this once before, haven't we?

saki: Once before... With me?

kokuyou: I don't know. I just remember when I was a kid, I was waiting for somebody here. Tch, I can't recall anything else.

saki: (Huh...? This has... Happened before...)

kokuyou: Anyways, let's head back. You look pale.

saki: I'm fine, more importantly, Kokuyou-san— Back then, why did you come here?

kokuyou: Back then? What are you talking about?

saki: (Why did I ask that... What ‘back then’ am I even talking about?)

-screen glitches-

saki: Sorry I... I don't feel so good after all...

kokuyou: You ok? You look awful, c'mon let's head back.

saki: But... Your show...

kokuyou: That's not important right now. We're heading back for now, you can say your piece later.

-quick flashback appears-

saki: (My head hurts so bad... It's no use, I can't even think straight anymore...)

kokuyou: Don't overdo it, here, lean on me, let's go.

saki: Ok... Sorry for the trouble.

kokuyou: I told you already, we’re past the point of going back now. Just stop thinking about it.

saki: (Stop thinking...)

-saki closes her eyes-

—end

-

Chapter 3 SideB extra

-kokuyou's relative's house, evening-

saki: Nn… Hm...? I'm...?

saki: (This is... Kokuyou's relative's place...?) 

kokuyou: You awake? Feeling any better?

saki: Kokuyou-san... What time is— The sun's already setting!?

kokuyou: Yeah.

saki: (If it's evening then... No but, if he leaves right now he could still make it.)

saki: Kokuyou-san, if you leave now you'll be able to make it back in time for tomorrow's opening show.

kokuyou: And leave you all alone after you just collapsed on me? If I felt like leaving you I would have done so already.

saki: ...I'm sorry... I really am...

kokuyou: Quit worrying yourself over it, I can afford to miss one show.

saki: Kokuyou-san...

kokuyou: Team W isn't just me. The rest of my team can manage. Akira's got his voice, Takami can organise... Recently Taiga has even been proving himself. And lastly there's Sin. He's surprisingly good at creating that trademark W atmosphere. He may have been injured but that won't stop him. That's just the kind of guy he is.

saki: ...You have a lot of faith in them all, don't you?

kokuyou: I wouldn't say that... It's more that I just know how those on my team think. So don't look so down, none of this is your fault. 

kokuyou: —Five years ago, when I first met you, you looked like any other regular woman just living her life. Even now, I still just see you as a normal woman. Except, you've been targeted by some suspicious group that I don't know and you've even been kidnapped before. Do you really think I'm heartless enough to just leave someone like you to handle all that on your own?

saki: Kokuyou-san...

kokuyou: It's fine, get some more rest. You still look pale.

saki: This is all my fault... I'm so sorry...

-saki falls back asleep-

kokuyou: ...What to do.

-flashback-

saki: This is all my fault... I'm so sorry...

girl: This is all my fault... I'm so sorry…

-flashback end-

kokuyou: ...Tch... Why does it hurt? Why is the scar on my neck hurting all of a sudden?

-flashback, alleyway-

sin: Peace cannot be achieved if old wounds still ache. —Proceed with caution, Kokuyou, Saki.

-flashback ends-

kokuyou: ....... (thinking)

—end

(to be continued)

[snickerdoodlles]

📓 :3

:D!

@mortimerlatrice got me thinking about a KimChay Chrestomanci AU, so more of that.

the Chrestomanci series, sidenote, is an absolutely delightful fantasy series by Diana Wynne Jones. it's composed of mostly independent stories set in a universe of 12 parallel universes (called Series), each with their own string of worlds (except Series 11). generally speaking, every person has eight identical copies borne into other series than their own, but very occasionally all nine lives will be borne into one person. this nine-life enchanter has all the power of nine magical people in them and is therefore the only person powerful enough to fill the role of Chrestomanci to regulate magical use and prevent any abuse of it across the 12 series.

which cool, very fun story premise actually, but not what I care about here. I'm setting kp in one of the series that doesn't deal much with magic because I don't care about magic meet mafia, I care about Chay having nine lives and all the ways that could make things worse.

(cw: non-permanent but slightly graphic character death under the cut. ft a dash of actual character death, but that only applies to Tawan.)

Chay doesn't have all his lives when canon starts. he lost his first one the same day he and Porsche lost their parents when he fell out of his crib trying to investigate the noise. he lost his second to food poisoning, before Porsche started working for extra food money and they had to make every scrap stretch. he lost another when a debt collector hit him too hard and snapped his neck. (Porsche wasn't home for that day. Chay told him he wasn't either.)

Chay loses his fourth life in the warehouse. it actually wasn't intentional on anyone's part -- Tawan's hired meat weren't careful enough bringing him in, and Chay's luck has his head hit a curb or scrap metal at just the right (or wrong, as it were) angle to kill him instead of concuss him, and head injuries take so long to come back from. Tawan drags out the charade because he wants Porsche desperate, not angry, and Porsche is in too deep of denial to accept the possibility of Chay actually being dead not to fall for it.

Kim arrives before Chay comes back to life. it's...bad. Porsche is screaming for him to get Chay out. Kim first checks Chay's breathing. failing to find that, he frantically (but carefully!) hauls Chay upright. that's when Chay's head flops limply to the side and reveals the dried blood down the back of his neck, which Kim had already felt grabbing but refused to process.

Kim sees red.

Tawan knifes Big. Porsche's shouts break through the fog threatening to overwhelm Kim. then Tawan gets one very distraught, very angry, very murderous Kim materializing in front of him and going right for his eyes. it doesn't matter that Tawan's the one with a weapon, he could've had an armory and that couldn't have helped him. Kim is very, very, very good at fighting, and he's on a mission to hurt. but he's also missing his control, and kicks Tawan in the kidney so hard Tawan stumbles back into a pile of scrap and, in true irony, jostles it hard enough the end of steel beam falls on his head. as discovered earlier, metal and concrete are not kind to heads, and bullet proof vests certainly can't protect from that.

it's too quick and too kind, and Kim stares at him disbelievingly, half a mind to drag Tawan out and beat out the little life he's surely still clinging to, when Chay groans. Kim first thinks he hallucinated it, but then he sees Chay move and he's so relieved he was wrong that he shoves everything else out of his mind and just gets Chay out. then everything and one trailing shouty Porsche slams back into him the minute Chay's out of his arms and with the paramedics that Kim bolts to go hide in a dark corner in his apartment and fail to process any of it.

Chay misses all of this btws. He was dead, then he was back with a headache, and he loves Porsche but he needs Porsche to please shut the fuck up and get him some tylenol.

then apartment confrontation, where Kim says I'm sorry and shoves off even quicker because all he can remember are those moments when he'd been so sure Chay was properly dead. club scene goes down even worse when Kim yells at Chay for making stupid reckless choices that could get him killed, and Chay demands to know why Kim even cares, and Kim goes pale with anger that Chay doesn't care that he (only nearly, surely) died, and it's all very terrible and ends in them storming away from each other.

then comes Yok's bar.

Chay dies. Kim had taunted them into a direct fight inside instead of picking them off outside, and it should have been fine, would have been fine, had Chay not had a bit more awareness and looked over to see Kim pinned between two guys and rushed to help only to get shot by one of the goons on the other end of the bar. he bleeds out while Kim kills off the rest.

Chay comes back to a bar full of bodies and Kim (clutching) cradling him. Kim isn't crying. he isn't really doing much of anything other than clinging and staring off into nothing with a thoroughly haunted expression.

Chay blinks and tentatively lays his fingers against Kim's cheek. "Kim?"

Kim's eyes snap to him, but still don't quite see him. he stays looking blank for a few seconds that feel like hours before saying matter-of-factly, "I've snapped."

"Kim!" Chay protests, distressed.

"It's okay," Kim says, still matter-of-fact but smiling tenderly, "better to be mad with you than without."

it takes a while to convince Kim he's not insane and that Chay's really back. Chay's not certain he fully manages it. but his death also shook loose a lot of confessions Kim normally couldn't say out loud. ("why--" Chay starts, voice cracking, "why did you say 'I'm sorry' that day?" / "You were supposed to be safe," Kim replies hoarsely, mad smile slipping for tears.) there's more clutching and clinging, this time by Chay too. both of them manage to forget they're in a bar of dead bodies until Porsche and Kinn come crashing through the door.

"Chay!" Porsche yells when he first sees him.

"Chay," Porsche pleads brokenly when he sees Chay's blood soaked shirt.

"Not mine!" Chay says quickly, and would've been given away by how fast Kim's head snaps around in any other circumstance. "See?" he says, raising his shirt to show unblemished skin, "No injury."

this does a lot to reassure Porsche, but Chay can tell Kim still thinks he's a little bit insane. Chay decides that's fine for now, because dying takes a lot out of you and apparently everyone around you too and it's unfair to expect Kim to just bounce back from him bleeding out on him, he'll work on it after a shower and dinner.

I'm not writing this AU because I only really have these two vague scenes in my head, but Chay having multiple lives making his existence in the mafia hurt more than canon's calls to me, it really does.

oh, also: in the AU source material, one of the nine-lifers has one of his lives removed and stored into a ring for safekeeping. he later gives this ring to his to-be-wife as her wedding ring. I'm not sure yet how to work that into this AU because Chay's contact with magic and other magicals would be slim to none in this, but please picture how this would absolutely wreck Kim, because there's nothing Kim wants more than to safeguard Chay but as far as he's concerned, he's already failed Chay in that regard twice. 😈

[[ ask me about fics im not writing ]]

[roguemonsterfucker]

I was finally getting some of my finances in order when disaster struck two weeks ago and my cockatiel Lui needed a trip to the vet, where she had to get x-rays and medication. She's doing great now, but my bank isn't.

I had planned out the next few months to have vet appointments for my other cockatiels, to get their yearly check ups but also to get hormonal implants that would prevent them from attempting to make any babies. These implants would prevent my adult female, Lovey, from laying eggs (and she has gotten this implant before) and in theory help with some hormonal behaviors from the males (we haven't done it for them before). The appointments and the implants are pricey, but I had figured I could afford to take one, maybe two, each month for the next few months in order to not get in the red in my finances.

That didn't work out, because of Lui's injury. I'm two months behind now. So either I have to go deeper into the red to get the other birds their vet appointments as previously planned or I have to wait longer.

If anyone wants to help me out, you can see this post or read below.

Because of my complicated financial situation, I can't receive money directly.

In the post linked above, I list several ways people could help me buy food for my pets, but it contains a little outdated info. Because of a recent rabbit death, I won't be going through hay nearly as fast and so the best way to help me out would be either to buy bird food through Throne or to buy Amazon gift cards, as I can buy the bird food through there.

I've said before that I and my animals will be okay without help, and that's true. But I am digging myself into some debt to provide for my animals, as my family's support is waning. They still help where they can, but their finances aren't much better than mine right now.

If you want to buy Amazon gift cards for me, they can be sent to this email address:

unknownmonsterhunter@gmail.com

There are people more in need than myself and my animals. If you prefer to provide financial support for them instead, I fully understand. I only wished to provide the option just in case anyone wanted to help me out.

[ixiot-ghostrebel]

I just got an Another Sagau!Idea-

So you know the latest Archon Quest regarding about Khean'riah (or however you spell it), Caribert?

Yeah, so slight spoilers:

What if the Reader, before they lost their memories of being the Creator and all that, met the Traveler's sibling while they were meeting Eide, Caribert, and Chlotar Alberich? Let me explain:

The Reader's presence is special. → I based this fact from the way the Traveler's presence was enough to lessen Xiao's karmic debt. What if the Reader's presence does the same thing to the hilichurl's curse, but by a somewhat larger scale? Just having the Reader present is all that is needed to have the medicine work faster than it did before.

I also think Reader wouldn't reveal themselves as the Creator, instead taking up a disguise when they meet the Abyss Twin and Eide.

The Reader Might Be Eide's better Choice to Ask For a Blessing? → Allow me to elaborate. So, as we all know, most, if not all, kheanrians are atheists or just don't have much faith in gods in general. The Creator is a little different here—the Creator's presence is more of a feeling of safety, a feeling that they have some sort of familiar bond of sorts between the two.

I would think that Eide was see the Creator, aka Reader, as a being far greater than the Dendro Archon, a being with more power. This may have him beg for the Creator's blessing in the end instead of the Dendro Archon. The only problem? We know what the strange mushroom is made out of—the fertilizer to grow it is legit dead humans. I would honestly think the Creator is against this idea, which thus leads to the Reader denying his prayers. Eide may then be forced to beg to the Dendro Archon because of this.

I would honestly imagine that the Creator gives blessings more than most gods, even if they are just small miracles. Reader has balanced the consequences of giving the blessing to Eide, which leads them to refuse to accept his request. However, I think the Reader would change their mind, hoping that if they allowed Caribert to gain consciousness would stop Eide from killing more humans to make fertilizer—

The Reader Could Be Against Chlotar Alberich, Founder of the Abyss Order. → I'm mainly basing this idea off of the beginning of the game. To this, I'm referring to the intro cutscene, where we have to choose a sibling to be the Traveler. I would think the Reader shares a similar mindset to the Traveler—they do not believe what happened to the people of Khean'riah was deserved, but they are against joining the Abyss Order to cause harm to other nations.

I personally believe that Reader would be unhappy that Chlotar has started the Abyss Order to kill of the rest of their precious world. I can't really see the Reader agreeing with killing their own creation, instead trying to convince the Abyss Twin to not join him.

The Reader does not like this "new god" that's being created. → As you may know, human-made gods aren't exactly amazing. Scaramouche is a slight example of that. The Sages tried to create a god from human knowledge, and, in result, Scaramouche became a fake god. But, as you know, his power wasn't exactly as strong as a real god's power would be.

Reader does not like the fact that the Abyss/Abyss Order would go this far to making a god to get rid of the curse befalling on all hilichurls. To them, I would think it's some sort of severe risk. They are highly suspicious of this "god" and would rather find out its true intentions in other methods than cooperate with them. The Creator may be lenient on their creations, but they have to draw lines against them, unfortunately.

Alright, that's all I got for today! I'm sorry if it's a little confusing lol- I didn't fully understand the Archon Quest. See you around :)

Ghost Rebel Side Notes: I have honestly no idea how this idea emerged into my head lol- but I'm glad it did! Sorry for any grammar mistakes too btw—I don't exactly proofread before I post things.

Check The Ghost Rebel's Blog Description to See if Their Mailbox is Open!

[zeivira]

Also I know you said that Wilhelm probably wouldn’t be as close with Subaru due to Heinkel’s presence, but I’d like to think that he still thinks very fondly of Subaru as the one who made the fight against the Whale possible. Perhaps he decides to work to save his life as a form of repaying the debt? (Even while Subaru insists that he’s fine, please—)

I still personally really adore the idea of Subaru falling asleep right after the fight against he Whale because it was exhausting and scaring the crap out of Wilhelm and also the entire army. I know that technically doesn’t fit with the idea of Heinkel having sought him out due to rumors of his condition, but it’s such a funny alternative scene— or maybe Heinkel only found out because he’s like a bloodhound for information on Sleeping Diseases idk—

Absolutely!! Subaru and him interact less but he still 100% cares about Subaru and would try to save him!! The only thing all three Astrea have in common is that they all want to save Subaru lmao.

…yes, all three, because although Heinkel is only onboard to save Louanna, I imagine he would end up working with the Emilia Camp instead of the Priscilla Camp here (Emilia can also help him get the Dragon’s Blood after all?) and Subaru is a bit like fungus, grows on you after a while. 

In canon, he kinda sees Schult as the “son he never had” so in this case, he sees Subaru as that L M A O. Or maybe his pet rat. That’s also accurate. Poor Rein either way.

As Subaru is “ill” I imagine most people (including Wilhelm!) would insist Subaru shouldn't be present during the whale fight. OFC Subaru is not skipping that, so he would go either way. And Subaru also doesn’t like looking weak, so i 100% imagine he would try to sleep a little *before* the whale hunt so as to not give them any other reason to call him that. 

Of course, this would be the exact moment in which Wilhelm and Crusch go fetch him to talk about some Classified Information… Wilhelm would be uncomfortable af at seeing him sleeping peacefully, Crusch would be having war trauma (Fourier!) and Heinkel would be scoffing and muttering something like: “You dipshits, he is sleeping, not dead.” while sitting next to Subaru’s bed.

(About your other Ask i havent replied to yet— You do raise a good point OP. Reinhard's scene WAS a good scene...OKAY... won't write it rn because I have an important deadline soon and I really can't write when stressed, not even short scenes, but I shall try writing it later (in two weeks or so?) when I have more free time (I'm starting a new job :D). If i do manage to write something interesting I shall post it as a reply to your other ask instead of in Ao3 though! Will be tagging all No Rest for The Wicked stuff under that tag now so you can find the ask easily when i post. No idea how anon asks work lmao)

[brrrkdslek]

QUADRILATERAL LOVE!

✦ 007 — POOKIE BEAR😍🫶🏻🫧

you walked towards the garden that is connected to the hospital, boomi clung onto your arm with his left arm while he held onto the IV pole with his right hand.

you had admitted him into an expensive hospital with a vip room, which was why there was barely any people in the garden and in the hospital in general.

you had a big smile spread across your face as you listened to your little ramble on about the hospital life. you had always looked up to him,

how he could be so optimistic even through such hard times. how he could smile so happily and never get bored of this place, "noona what have you been up to?"

you both sat at the large wooden swing bench, "hm, not much. just the usual stuff y'know?" you smiled as you ruffled his hair.

he giggled, "oh right! your performance for inkigayo was so cool, it was so fun to watch!" he stood up, "it was so amazing, you went like this and like that—"

he imitated your dance choreography stiffly, "—like it was so fast, i couldn't even keep up!" at this point the boy was getting weird looks with how loud he was being as he jumped up and down.

you watched the boy sympathetically, the red spots ran down his neck and under his hospital gown. you imagined how much faster he would've healed if you had taken him to a hospital when he was younger.

you worked as a bar's bartender ever since you were 14 to provide for you and himself, ever since your father left when you were 5, your mother became mentally unstable.

she would often zone out and would be insensitive from time to time. it was around the time she lost her job due to stress when you started working instead, trying your best to understand and sympathise with your mother.

soon after, boomi was diagnosed with leukemia after showing signs of multiple symptoms. he was bedridden and seldomly went outside, you on the other hand applied to KQ and became a trainee.

the main reason was because of your brother. you found enjoyment in rapping and dancing along the way of being a trainee, and had multiple jobs as baristas during your free time.

you were delighted when you were informed that you were gonna debut with your friends. during this time you worked extra hard to repay all the trainee debt that have piled up, while paying for your brother's hospital fees.

soon after you started receiving money did you transfer your brother to the hospital he currently resided in. the service was better and there were few people which lowered his nerves.

your heart ached every time you're reminded of his painful cries, skinny body and red spots that littered all over his body.

you never felt the need to tell anyone, until chaewon asked about any siblings you had. chaewon was somebody you trusted with your entire heart, that day you spilled everything and cried your heart out.

you two formed an even closer bond after that. you never wanted people to pity or think you were weak so you tried your best to hide any information on your background.

you teared up as you watched your now happy little brother jump around in excitement as he talked about the park just down the street.

"noona...? why are you crying..." boomi sat down and held your hand in his, you looked down to see the iv that was stuck in his veins. you cried more at that.

"i'm sorry... boomi-ah, i'm sorry i can't ever give you the life you want—" you looked up at him and cupped his cheeks as his own tears started welling up in his eyes.

"—you can't ever get you to school, make friends, you can't even get out of this place because i was too late... if only i had sent you here sooner maybe you wouldn't still be sick."

your breathe was shaky as you stroked his now tear-stained cheeks, "if only i worked harder, tried harder. if only i was better back then, as good as i am now... i hate seeing you like this, you're my everything—"

you ran your hand across the red spots that grew on his neck, so close to his jawline. the boy cried as he buried himself in your neck, hugging you tightly.

"—i would kill myself if you died, how could i live with myself if y-"

"no! do-don't say that, noona... my life is great already, i'm still alive and you're still here with me. this is all i can ever ask for!"

you look up to the sky for a minute, stroking his hair with one hand while the other held him closely, but gently. as if he was glass, fragile and could break whenever.

he was right. all you ever had was each other, he was your motivation, your inspiration, your everything. it was absolute the moment you held him in your arms after he was born, the way he looked up at you with those pretty doe eyes, it made you smile.

"sorry, love. i won't talk about it anymore, m'kay?" you held his face out and wiped the stray tears that are still rolling down his cheeks. "i'm sorry... don't cry anymore, okay? i promise i'll live a long life, with or without you."

boomi finally showed a smile at that, "okay! then i'll also try to live a long life, so i can be with you forever, noona!" you two giggled and cuddled again.

you both cuddled on the bench for a few more hours, enjoying the silence in each other's arms. that's what you had always needed to relieve your stress, everything that had built up until that moment were all forgotten the moment he was in your arms.

you woke up after a while and carried him back to his room. you tucked him in and put his 7 years old bear plush, that you got him for his birthday, in his arms.

you gave him a goodnight kiss and picked up your bag. just as you were about to leave, a small hand yanked at your sleeve, "noona... can you stay, until i fall asleep again?"

he smiled shyly as you let out a breathy laugh and pulled the chair towards his bedside, holding his hand as he got comfortable again.

you sat in silence, only stroking his har and humming soft tunes to the boy. when you heard his soft snores, you got your things, gave him one final forehead kiss and started heading back to the dorms.

<PREV𖤐NEXT>

©BRRRKDSLEK 2023

[pinkpeccary]

i'm SO SAD because i just wrote a fucking essay about this scene and it just deleted itself. i'm going to attempt to rewrite it. but. very upset.

this is from The Boost Job (season 3, episode 8). Parker screwed up the con by tipping off the mark when she warned Josie, because she didn't want Josie to go down with the rest of the carjackers.

the thing i think is interesting here is Sophie's comment about this being "huge for Parker." she's right, but she's also wrong. she's delayed. there are two other moments this season i want to highlight that are focused on "Parker trying to do the right thing."

the first is in episode 3, The Inside Job: Parker is the one to make the call that they stay and finish the robbery, to prevent the mark from intentionally starting a famine. the focus here is on her choosing Nate's method (helping people) over Archie's (don't get involved).

why is this different? why is it "huge" for Parker to think about the right thing when it comes to helping Josie, but not earlier when it came to stopping a famine?

well, it's been well-established at this point that Parker does care about helping people in context of their work as a team. it's why all of them are there, at least in part. here she is going out of her way to do good, outside of (and in fact, counteractive to) the overall plan.

the second is in the episode right before actually, The Gone Fishin' Job. that's when we get this scene.

there's a version of that post i can't find right now (edit: found it, disregard) pointing out the significance of that moment for Parker's character. that it used to be she wouldn't notice because in order to protect herself she had to drastically narrow who and what she allowed herself to care about. that now she is in a place where she can care.

why isn't this moment factored into Sophie's comment? because Sophie doesn't know. none of them do. while Parker is deleting strangers' medical debt, the others are all busy on other parts of the con, and she wouldn't tell any of them about it because (to her) it's not noteworthy enough to mention. as far as Sophie knows, helping Josie might actually be the first time something like this has happened.

so Sophie's comment makes perfect sense in context, even though we the viewer know it's not necessarily accurate. and i think this is very cool of the writers for a couple reasons:

first, it highlights that no matter how perceptive they are (and Sophie is hands-down the best at reading people) they can still miss things about each other. we know about the medical debt. Sophie doesn't. we only know because the viewer gets to be omniscient in a way the characters can't be. this is really good foreshadowing for Parker's arc in season 5- i have a draft from two years ago i never posted about how her ending up as leader at the end is something that is well-foreshadowed from the beginning (regardless of when the writers officially decided) but Nate doesn't figure it out until the very end, despite being the mastermind. this is a key part of that.

second is that it makes sense for this to be the first time the team realizes this about Parker because it's the first time it affects them. but it's important that it's not the first time we see it because in this case a) it causes problems for the team, and b) it's specifically someone she relates to.

if the first time we saw Parker doing good outside the team was a time when it backfired, even though it all worked out in the end, that would undercut the significance. she's trying to do the right thing, but she's not very good at it yet. instead we know that she's been trying, and it's been working. this time didn't go smoothly, but the other time did. there may have been more examples offscreen.

as for it being someone she relates to, we already know Parker cares about people she sees herself in. we saw it back in The Stork Job in season 1, with the orphans in Serbia. having the scene with medical debt come first is a big deal because she doesn't know anyone involved, doesn't have any specific reason to relate to them. she just helps them because she's there and she can and it's the right thing to do.

which means what happens with Josie actually demonstrates a different type of growth, as compared to The Stork Job- then, when confronted with a reflection of her past trauma, Parker freaked out. she panicked, and she tried to convince Hardison they couldn't do anything to help the rest of the kids and shouldn't try, and then she snuck away to break them out on her own without a plan.

now, with Josie, she doesn't panic. she has a support system and feels safe enough that when she's reminded of past trauma- even though the trauma in question is being abandoned by someone trusted- she doesn't fall back on old survival strategies of cut and run. she approaches the situation with a level head, and while it doesn't quite go as planned, it's a lot less haphazard and chaotic than two years ago.

this is less a sign of Parker growing and changing (though that is a part of it) and more her environment. the fact that she notices and tries to help strangers first, that shows she is allowing herself to care more than she used to. once we know that, the question this episode answers is "but what if the strangers remind her of herself? will her trauma get in the way?"

and the answer is yes, a little bit! it's definitely a factor, and without the personal stake she probably could have handled it better. but also, while it factors into the execution, it doesn't stop her from trying. because she knows that she's not alone anymore.