#installment 1
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timethehobo · 28 days ago
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Scribbled on the flight home. One day more! 🥺
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folkbreeze · 5 months ago
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face so pretty i had to build her a cool house 🔨👷
anyway say hello to peppermint, we're gonna be playing the nsb challenge that i have never tried in my life so let's see how this goes. This will be like 98% gameplay we're just vibing
Also s/o to @vartosa for inspiring the house i built + inspiring me to spice up foundry cove a bit 🧡
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cosmicwhoreo · 9 months ago
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Idk I wanted to play around with the "robot spider" thingy he's got goin on-
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nerdallwritey · 4 months ago
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Cheeks All Flushed (Part 1)
***IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ: Unfortunately this chapter was longer than tumblr wanted, so I've split it into two posts. The smut is in the other part if you'd rather skip shenanigans and Get To Business. And that's valid! Part 2 is here and also linked down below. Apologies! It IS all in one place on AO3 if you'd prefer that!
Summary: You looked at him thoughtfully. “Hang on, weren’t you and Karlach trying to get drunk?” Astarion giggled stupidly. “Yes.” You snorted. “How’d that go?” “Fine,” he sighed. “Takes me a lot longer to get drunk. What with the dead liver and all.” You furrowed your brow. “Wouldn’t lacking a working liver make you drunk immediately?” Astarion whined, “I don’t know, but Karlach is completely inebriated and I only have a buzz I can already feel fading. OR It's time for the Tielfing party! Antics ensue.
Pairing: Astarion x f!reader Rating: 18+ Word count: 23.1k (This particular part is 18.5k) CW: smut, reader is new to sex, oral sex (f receiving), mentions of Astarion's past trauma, soft Astarion, porn with feelings, consumption of alcohol, reader is an idiot (and a bard), so is Astarion (not a bard, just an idiot), the other companions are also idiots, reader likes kids, shenanigans amongst friends, general party antics Spoilers: Spoilers for Act 1 (in-game dialogue, plot points, etc.) Also posted to: AO3 FAIR WARNING: This is PART 3 in my series, "Beauty and the Bard." Find Part 1 here and Part 2 here. Find the masterlist here.
a/n: Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who's read the first two parts!! It means so much to me that you guys are enjoying my writing and silliness. This chapter is much more slice-of-life than the last two parts, in that it's mostly fun at the Tiefling party with less smut. It's also the longest part so far! Apologies to those of you here for vampire penis, it'll show up again in the future surely, but tonight is more about tipsy/soft Astarion. I hope you all enjoy :) (Thank you once again to @kermitwazowski for beta reading!) As a reminder of where Part 2 ended, you and Astarion just entered camp after dallying, even though Shadowheart told you not to. Rest in peace, you will be missed.
Taglist: @a66-1, @khaleesiofthewolves, @khywren, @lollipopsandlandmines,
@minestrones, @mizuki-nautilus
It was Wyll who spotted you first. He’d been wandering close to the treeline, gathering extra kindling for the fire, but something told you he’d also been keeping an eye out for you.
“You two are in heaps of trouble,” he muttered, ushering you behind Karlach’s currently vacant tent. “You’re lucky it was me who saw you first.”
“How is she?” you whispered, looking around to see if you could spot Shadowheart.
“I think seeing you might calm her down,” Wyll said, “but be prepared for an earful.”
“Oh please,” Astarion scoffed. “I’ve dealt with worse than an affronted cleric of Shar-'' He stepped out from behind Karlach’s tent and was met face to face with the cleric in question.  
“What was that?” Shadowheart’s hands were on her hips.
Astarion retreated, shielding half of his body behind you. “Hello, Shadowheart,” he waved his fingers delicately and smiled awkwardly. 
You leaned over to Wyll. “Save yourself,” you muttered. “We’ll be fine.”
Wyll gave you a sympathetic look and nodded. “Coming, Karlach!” he called, to which Karlach responded, “What?”
Shadowheart stood before you, looking frustrated and tapping her foot. You adjusted the pile of blankets in your arms. 
“Got the blankets,” you said sheepishly. Astarion raised his pile up a little higher in agreement.
“What was the one thing I said?” Shadowheart ignored the blankets.
You sighed. “‘Don’t dally.’”
“Mhm. And what did you do?”
“We-”
“Astarion?” Shadowheart turned to the vampire. 
He let out a reluctant whining sound. “We dallied.”
Shadowheart looked pleased by his admission. “Whose idea was it?”
You and Astarion shared a look. 
“Don’t tell me, I already know it was Astarion’s,” Shadowheart rolled her eyes.
Astarion scoffed. “You don’t know that!”
Shadowheart raised a doubtful eyebrow and looked at you. You avoided her gaze. She looked back at Astarion. “Yes I do.” 
“Darling,” Astarion hissed at you.
“I didn’t say anything!” you hissed back.
Suddenly Shadowheart grabbed Astarion’s left ear and your right ear and pulled you both out from behind Karlach’s tent. You and Astarion protested as you went.
“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!”
“Ah! Watch the hair, you heathen!”
Shadowheart flung her arms forward, releasing both of you and sending you stumbling forward towards the roaring fire. You caught yourselves before crashing into the flames. 
“You could have KILLED us just now!” Astarion exclaimed.
Shadowheart ignored him. “Look who’s finally back,” she addressed the rest of camp. 
Lae’zel scoffed, pausing the loud sharpening of her greatsword. “I must give you credit, Astarion, you last longer than I would have thought.”
Astarion straightened. “Thank you, I- hey.”
Lae’zel rolled her eyes and returned to her blade. 
“Sorry, everyone,” you said, feeling your cheeks heat up. “We lost track of time, that’s all.” You adjusted the blankets still in your arms.
“We have nothing to apologize for,” Astarion said, moving close to you and going to kiss your cheek, but thinking better of it when he saw steam pouring from Shadowheart’s ears. “Sorry,” he said to her softly. 
Shadowheart pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head disapprovingly. She clapped her hands together before she spoke. “Okay,” she said and turned to face you, “go wash those blankets and hang them to dry.” You nodded and she turned to Astarion. “Once you help carry those blankets to the lake, you are to help Lae’zel hunt for tonight’s dinner.”
Astarion made to argue. “But-”
“‘But’ nothing. I want the two of you as far away from each other as possible until everything is prepared for tonight’s festivities.”
“Here, here,” Gale agreed from over by the cookware. 
“Oof, tough break,” Karlach smirked. 
Astarion sniffed. “Just because some of us aren’t getting laid, doesn’t mean all of us should suffer the same fate.”
You hid your face in the laundry you were holding and groaned loudly. 
“Watch it, Fangs,” Karlach warned.
Shadowheart took you by the shoulders and turned you towards the lakeshore. “Go,” she said, a bit of a bite to the word. 
“Yes ma’am,” you sighed and started making your way to the waters gently lapping the sand by Withers. 
“You too, Astarion,” you heard Shadowheart behind you. 
“I’m going,” Astarion spat. His footsteps caught up with yours. 
You dropped the blankets by the waterline and grabbed the bucket and soap that you kept nearby for laundry duty, one of your commonly assigned chores. Astarion’s pile of blankets joined your own, then his arms came around your waist from behind, and his chin came to rest on your shoulder.
“Sorry, love,” he murmured, kissing your cheek. 
“At least we’re not dead,” you leaned into his caress. 
“You are so incredibly out in the open it’s unbelievable,” Shadowheart called from a few yards away. 
“GIVE US A MOMENT,” Astarion snapped back in her direction. He turned to look at you, his frustration turning into fondness. “I’ll see you soon.” He kissed the crown of your head just as Lae’zel began to complain. 
“Let’s go, vampire. Before someone else steals what is rightfully ours.”
“I’m not anyone’s!” you complained to the sky above you.
“Is it truly so hard to believe that she actually likes me?” Astarion asked as he made his way to his tent to prepare for the hunt.
“You are handsome but weak,” Lae’zel informed. “Far from the optimal pleasure partner.”
“I could make you eat those words,” Astarion teased.
“You would not last a single minute with me,” Lae’zel said and then returned to her own tent to prepare. 
You sighed, embarrassed but not surprised by the camp’s reaction to your delayed arrival with Astarion. There was no talking your way out of it, especially with Astarion’s line about getting laid. The bastard. He could be so annoying sometimes.
At least you didn’t have to dance around it. Even though less than twenty-four hours ago you would have insisted that there was nothing going on between you and the Astarion, now you smiled to yourself, happy that that was no longer the case. 
“Thou hast now a bosom companion-”
“MISTRESS OF REVEL,” you yelped, clutching a hand to your chest to slow the pounding of your heart. You exhaled and turned to see Withers looking more or less unbothered. “You scared me, Withers.”
“Take care that thou are not distracted on thy quest, seeking the comforts of the flesh.” 
You stared at him. “Gods, you sleep with a guy ONE time.”
Withers stared back.
“Okay, two times.”
The stare continued.
“Okay, so he made me cum, like, five times total, is that what you want to hear?”
Withers said nothing. 
You groaned and picked up a blanket, hiking your pants up your legs. “Whatever, stop looking at me.” You waded out into the water, blanket in one hand, soap and bucket in the other. 
“Recall that in time, all becomes dust and bone.”
“All becomes dust and bone,” you mocked quietly. “You’re a pretty morbid guy, you know that?”
You looked over at him and swore you could see a small smile before his expression faded into one of cool indifference as usual. 
~~~~~
It had taken nearly all afternoon to finish washing and hanging all the blankets to dry on  the makeshift clothesline you’d erected lining the water’s edge, but you’d done it. Shadowheart had been kind enough to cast Lesser Restoration on you to combat the fatigue of blood loss and to help fade the marks still leftover on your neck. As a result, all you’d suffered from washing was some mild back pain from constantly bending to dunk and soap the blankets and standing back up to hang them. Laundry out here wasn’t the easiest task, especially without the proper tools you’d usually find in the city, but you enjoyed the peace that came from the still waters of the lake. Today, you’d been extra thorough in your work and you were pretty sure the blankets were cleaner now than they had been when Astarion had nicked them from your companions in the first place. 
Speaking of your companions, Shadowheart was doing her best to keep Astarion away from you for as long as possible. When he’d come back from hunting with Lae’zel, she’d made him help Gale prepare the meat.
“Even though I can’t partake in the meal,” he’d protested, “I have to help prepare it? Really?”
“Ah, relax,” Gale smacked him a little too hard on the back, “you can drain it dry first. Much easier if you go to town on the creature rather than letting me exsanguinate it myself with a blade.”
“I’m not some personal predator,” Astarion crossed his arms. A beat. “But fine, I suppose I can help this one time.”
After he’d drained tonight’s meal, a large wild boar, Shadowheart had sent him and Wyll to scavenge for more wine at the Blighted Village. He’d complained about the long trek and the poor quality of the wine they’d probably find, but Wyll had been able to drag him off after a bit of flattery and the batting of eyes. The man was too easy sometimes. 
By then, the sun hung low in the sky and you’d asked Karlach to come stand by the blankets and act as a heater to speed up the drying process. 
“Do you miss him already?” she teased.
“Who?” you teased back, adjusting another blanket.
“Do you loooove him?”
You sputtered. “What?! No! I mean- I don’t know! This is new for me, and new for him and we’re figuring things out, we’ve barely talked about it and-”
She laughed at your word vomit. “Was it good?”
You paused. “Was what good?”
Karlach rolled her eyes. “You know what.”
You felt your cheeks heat up and your heart begin to pound. “Can we not talk about this?”
Karlach groaned. “Come on Soldier, I’m so pent up it’s criminal! I know I’d ride him to the Feywild and back if I had the chance.”
“Karlach!” You whisper shouted. Luckily the others were too busy with their assigned preparation tasks to pay attention to the two of you huddled behind the damp blankets. 
She didn’t say anything, but raised her eyebrows at you to encourage you to talk.
You sighed and avoided eye contact. “It was really good,” you muttered, hoping she might not hear you.
A smug smile graced her lips. “I knew it.”
“Yeah, yeah,” you waved her off, wringing the water out of one of the blankets on the end of the clothesline. 
“He seems like the type who’d know his way around.”
“Yeah, well.”
“And how does he compare? Best you’ve ever had?”
“Um…” You pursed your lips.
“Wait, but you just said it was really good?”
“It was!”
“But-?”
“There is no but! He was really good!”
“You’re hiding something, Soldier, I can tell. He wasn’t the best you’ve ever had?”
“It’s just that… there haven’t been… others… to compare it to.”
Karlach stared at you. “WHAT?!” Her flames erupted to the point where you had to take a few steps back. 
“Shh! Quiet!” You listened for your other companions but heard nothing. 
“Don’t tell me Astarion was your first?!”
“And so what if he was!”
“The smug bastard,” Karlach muttered. Her face grew serious. “If he so much as looks at you wrong, tell me, and I’ll kill him.”
You laughed. “Shadowheart’s first in line to kill him, but don’t worry, I’ll have you waiting in the wings.”
“I’m serious. I’ll kill the pointy freak before he can hurt you, mark my words.”
You laughed again, moving closer to her now that her flames were calming. “Astarion and I are both adults. I’ll be fine.” Your voice went soft, “And I think he truly cares for me.”
Karlach huffed in disbelief. “Gross little vampire probably smelled your virgin blood and couldn’t keep away.” 
You narrowed your eyes at her. “Don’t be ridiculous. He likes me.”
“We all like you,” Karlach sighed. “You’re a lot of fun.”
“Thank you.”
“But none of us would want to see you get hurt by the leech.”
“You know, I think he’s more sensitive than you all realize.”
“Astarion.” It was more of a statement of disbelief than a question. She raised a skeptical eyebrow. 
“Yes.”
“Mr. ‘Tell Me How You’d Like to Die?’ Mr. ‘Describe How I Look in the Mirror and Tell Me I’m Beautiful?’ Mr. ‘I Have A Troubling Relationship with Power Over Others?’” She looked at you pointedly. “Mr.-”
“Alright,” you cut her off. 
“No wait, I've got another.” Karlach held up her finger like she was about to say something. “Nope. Lost it. Damn, it felt like a good one, too.”
“We all have our quirks,” you said, steering the conversion back on track. “Astarion, I think, has a few more than one might deem acceptable, but I trust him. He’s been true to his word about everything so far.” Your voice got small, “And I really like him.”
Karlach blew out a breath of resignation. “I know you do, Soldier.” Her hesitance turned into thoughtfulness. “And he did look pretty smitten when I found you both this morning.”
Your face went red at the memory. “Gods, that was so embarrassing. I still can’t believe we fell asleep out there.” Your brain took a second to process what she’d said. You turned to look at her, a small smile forming. “‘Smitten?’ Do you really think so?”
Karlach rolled her eyes affectionately. “Yes, he couldn’t take his eyes off you.”
Your small smile grew into a smirk of satisfaction. You grew giddy. “You should have heard him, Karlach! He was so sweet, and gentle, and he kept checking in with me, and didn’t make me feel awkward or bad, and his body, oh my GODS, his body! When I say he’s unfairly beautiful, it truly is unfair because, how in the Nine Hells do you get abs like that and-”
Karlach was watching you with a fond smile on her face. She grinned and lifted a hand to stop you. “Okay, okay, I believe you. He took care of you.”
You sighed happily. “He did.”
“I’m glad.” After a moment, she sighed dramatically. “Okay, so maybe he didn’t just fuck you in some sort of weird vampire power play because you’re a virgin.”
“Karlach!” You furrowed your brows. “Seriously?”
“Oh, sorry,” she amended, “you were a virgin.”
You scrunched your nose at her. “You’re so lucky you’re a walking inferno, otherwise I’d punch you so hard right now.”
“You don’t have the guts,” she teased. “You’re too soft, Soldier.”
“I am,” you sighed in agreement. 
The two of you stood in a pleasant silence while Karlach paced back and forth to dry the blankets evenly. 
“I’d hug you if I could, you know,” she said quietly. “I am happy for you. And if anyone is getting laid around here, I’m glad it’s you.”
“Thanks?” you laughed. 
“But if he gives you any trouble, you come find Mama K, yeah?”
You saluted her playfully and she mirrored you.
“Your guests dost approach from the east.”
“WITHERS,” you stomped your foot, pretending to be upset, but smiling over at him. “We need to put a bell on you to remind us that you’re still alive.”
“I am not still of this realm of existence,” Withers corrected.
“You know what she means, skelly boy,” Karlach grinned over at him and then at you. “Come on soldier, let’s go greet our adoring fans.”
Karlach led the way to the center of camp where sure enough, Halsin and the tieflings of the Emerald Grove were emerging through the brush. Halsin caught your eye and waved affably. You waved back, happy to see him looking so well after the rescue from the goblin camp. 
Behind him, he tugged a cart meant for an ox, filled to the brim with food and booze and the eight troublesome kids who’d been kind enough to show you their hideout hidden beneath the Grove. Mol hopped out first, followed by Arabella and Mattis and the others who looked around briefly before zeroing in on the abandoned little temple past the waterfall in the corner of camp. They made their way over to it and disappeared inside.
Noted. You’d have to check on them later.
Suddenly a flash of blue and pink was launching itself at you and you stumbled backwards as it wrapped you in a tight hug.
“Alfira!” you wheezed, returning her hug.
She pulled away, grinning. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day!” She was positively giddy and her mood was infectious. “I need to get some wine in me first, but we must play something together!”
Your smile faltered a little. “I’d love to, but my lute’s a little worse for wear.” You led her over to your tent and gathered a few pieces of the shattered instrument from your bag.
“Oh, you weren’t kidding.” Alfira took the pieces and examined them closely. 
Lakrissa found her way over to you. “Is this one causing trouble?” she asked, playfully slinging an arm around Alfira’s shoulders. “She was buzzing all afternoon about this shindig.”
“Hi Lakrissa,” you greeted happily. “No, I was actually just showing her the state of my lute.” You pulled a loose string out of your bag to emphasize your point. 
“I’ve seen this before,” Alfira took the string from you and inspected it along with the few shards of wood you’d already handed her. “The music overtook you during a particularly powerful song and your trusty instrument suffered the consequences. Did you bash it into a rock in a fit of musical liberation? Been there.”
You gritted your teeth sheepishly. “I wish it was in a fit of musical liberation. No, I kind of got backed into a corner protecting Astarion from a bugbear attack.”
“The mouthy one?” Lakrissa asked.
“You’ve met a mouthy bugbear?”
“No, Alfie, I mean their mouthy friend. The one with the hair?” She lifted her hand up to her own head to try and emphasize the height of his hair. 
“Oh yeah! Hard to keep track of you all,” Alfira shrugged.
You laughed, “Think about how we feel! There’s a billion of you!” You gestured around to the tieflings that were now acclimating to your spruced up camp.
Shadowheart had done a great job of tidying the clearing of fallen branches and mischievous weeds and had gone around making sure that everybody’s tents were in order. With the help of Lae’zel and Karlach, the three had managed to move a large log into the center of camp that was acting as a table that currently housed the booze your party had gathered, along with the food Gale had been preparing all afternoon. 
Gale, as soon as he’d declared the meal to be sufficient, had gone around hanging colorful banners throughout the camp with a few magic words and the snap of his fingers. You’d offered to help him in his effort but he politely declined, citing Shadowheart’s wrath. 
Now Halsin, Zevlor, and a few of the other adult tieflings were unloading the cattle cart and adding their hoard of food and drink to the table. Shadowheart and Gale were already filling goblets with wine and Lae’zel was chatting with (or maybe threatening) a tiefling that you recognized as one of the guards at the gate to the Grove. Karlach waved over at you from where she was talking with Dammon and you returned it happily.
You turned back to Alfira and Lakrissa. “Sorry Alfira, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to play with you tonight.”
“Nonsense!” She took you by the hand and led you and Lakrissa to the cattle cart. She pulled out two lutes and held one out to you. “One’s my teacher’s. I’ll play hers and you can borrow mine for tonight.”
You took the instrument she offered carefully, testing its weight in your hands. It was lovingly worn and smooth to the touch. You gave an experimental pluck at one of the strings. Perfectly in tune. You strummed a chord and minor illusioned Gale’s robes to go from deep purple to a loud, obnoxious orange. 
Gale paused in his pouring of wine as Shadowheart snorted. He looked down at his robes then looked over at you smirking at him. “Hey…” He scolded with no ice behind his words. He addressed Alfira and Lakrissa who were holding back giggles, “You realize you’ve just given her a literal instrument to channel the weave more potently, and now she can make tonight extremely irritating for us all?”
“You missed my illusions,” you teased, strumming again and returning his robes to their royal purple hue.
“On the contrary, we were only gifted about twelve blissful hours without you tormenting us with your tomfoolery.” 
You pouted at him teasingly. “How sad.” You poised your hands, ready to strum another chord. “I could make things so much worse,” you threatened, your voice lowered to a stupid octave.
“Behave,” Shadowheart raised her eyebrows at you, but you could see the amusement that played at her features.
“Fine,” you groaned and turned back to Alfira. “Thank you for this, I promise not to attack another bugbear with it for the sake of the mouthy one.”
A voice sounded from behind you. “The mouthy one?”
Astarion came to stand beside you, his hands clasped behind his back and skin speckled with blood spatter. For some reason, he absolutely stank. 
“Oh gods,” you said, scrunching your nose and turning away. “Did you and Wyll wander into a stinking cloud or something?”
“Hello, dearest,” he purred, pulling you to him and puckering his lips for a playful kiss, but you pushed his face away, avoiding his mouth at all costs.
“Get away from me, freak,” you laughed as he was able to plant a kiss on your cheek with a loud “MWAH.” He looked very pleased with himself. 
Alfira and Lakrissa, meanwhile, watched this display politely with their noses plugged.
Lakrissa gestured between the two of you. “When did this happen?” Her voice was nasally. 
“He’s always been a jackass,” you said.
“She means, love, when did you finally pluck up the courage to confess your undying love for me?” The flamboyant lilt in Astarion’s voice made you smile. 
“This just happened, actually,” you said, pointing from you to Astarion. “The stink is extra new.” 
“Do you like it, darling? A gift from one of the goblins at that Blighted Village. They weren’t pleased we came for their wine, stink bombs were thrown, blood was spilled, a tale as old as time.”
“Did you get to murder a bunch of goblins?” Despite the topic, you spoke to him as if he were a child. 
“I did,” he said, his voice gravelly, his face twisted in a wicked smirk. 
“Good for you. Now get the hells away from us.” You pointed in the direction of his tent. “I don’t know why you haven’t already scrubbed your skin raw to get rid of that smell. You hate things of a vile nature.” You adjusted your accent to sound like him as you said the last bit. “Though you do love gore.”
“I had to share this delightful experience with you first, my sweet. Obviously.”
“Obviously.” You gave him a teasingly sour expression and pushed him off in the direction of his tent. “Get fresh clothes and go jump in the lake or something! Then burn that armor!”
Astarion grabbed your arm and pulled you closer again, much to your dismay and protest. He brought his mouth to your ear. “Care to join me?”
You met his gaze, which flickered down to your lips for a moment, only for a roguish grin to spread across his face. You grew flustered and looked away.
“Maybe later.”
He chuckled, “Can’t wait.” Then he spun on his heel and headed off to his tent.
“Sorry about that,” you said, turning back to Alfira and Lakrissa, only to discover that they’d already walked away. You spotted them pouring themselves some wine a little ways off and sighed. 
“They left ages ago,” Astarion called over his shoulder.
“And you’re still here?” you called back, smiling. 
He laughed and you settled Alfira’s lute safely within your tent before you meandered your way over to Rolan and his siblings who were seated not far off. Rolan was bent over, his eyes closed in concentration. 
“Evening, folks,” you greeted and were met with joyful hellos from Lia and Cal.
“You’re just in time for Rolan’s extremely cool magic trick.” Lia teased.
“That is, if he’d hurry up and do it already,” Cal added.
“Patience,” Rolan said. “Have you no respect for showmanship?” He cracked his knuckles enthusiastically. 
Cal leaned forward and whispered loud enough for all of you to hear, “Having performance issues, Rolan?”
“Hush, you,” Rolan rolled his eyes.
“I, for one, love a good bout of showmanship,” you settled in next to Cal. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
Rolan gestured to you, vindicated. “Thank you,” he said through gritted teeth as he looked at his siblings. He took a deep breath. “And…”
A burst of colorful light erupted from his hands as he lifted them into the air.
“...behold!” He exclaimed as the colors faded into tiny bursts of light, dissipating like fireworks.
You clapped excitedly. “Beautiful!”
Rolan looked over at you, clearly pleased. “Adoring applause? You’re too kind.” He bowed dramatically, making a show of his gratitude. 
Lia turned to Cal. “Remember when he could barely cast that?”
Cal nodded. “They grow up so fast.”
Something caught your attention from a ways off. Peeking out from behind the large cluster of rocks you found yourself facing was Silfy; the younger sister of Mattis, the tiefling child who tried to sell you a “lucky ring.” Astarion had halted your hand when you went to give him a coin, shaking his head and explaining that you were being scammed. 
Now, however, Silfy seemed alone. You remembered how upset she’d been when you caught her trying to rifle through your pockets. 
“Never have I met such troglodytes,” you heard Rolan laugh. “Now, pass the wine.”
“I have to take care of something,” you said as you stood up. “I’m sure I’ll see you again before the party’s over,” you smiled and waved, making your way over to Silfy’s hiding spot. 
You saw her see you and duck behind the rock. 
“Hello,” you coaxed gently, bending on your knee to level your height with hers. Silfy poked her head out but looked nervous. “It’s okay,” you encouraged. “You’re Silfy, right?”
She came out slowly and nodded. 
“That was a pretty cool show just now, huh?” You said, referencing Rolan’s trick which she’d no doubt seen. 
She nodded again and looked at her feet.
“What are you doing over here all alone?”
She sniffled. “Mattis was mean to me.”
You tilted your head. “What did he say?”
Silfy looked up at you. “He said Mol would never let me in her Guild in the city because I’m no good at pick-pocketing.” Her voice wobbled and you could tell she was trying not to cry.
You hid a smile. The things siblings fought about… And this particular fight was extra unusual. “Should we go talk to him?” you asked.
“Okay,” she said and watched as you stood. 
“Come on,” you said and took her hand.
Together, you and Silfy walked around the length of camp, passing people as you went. You tossed out polite greetings and a few kind words, but eventually made it to the waterfall and the slippery log that connected your camp to the little temple where you knew the other kids were hanging out. You held tight to Silfy as you crossed the log.
Mol stood by the entrance. “Silfy!” she exclaimed, clearly happy to see her. “There you are.”
Silfy let go of your hand and approached Mol. “Sorry I’m no good at pick-pocketing,” her voice barely audible above the roar of the waterfall a few feet away. 
“Is that what Mattis said that made you run away? Ah, don’t listen to him. You’ll get plenty of practice before we reach the Gate.” 
Silfy stood up a little straighter and looked pleased. 
Mol cocked her head towards the temple entrance. “Get in there,” she smiled.
Silfy smiled back and ran inside. Mol turned to face you. 
“Thanks for that,” she said. 
“Happy to help,” you said, attempting to subtly peer into the temple and see what the others were up to.
“You came through for us. That’s a change from most adults I know.” 
You shifted a little to try and get a better angle. It was too dark.
“What are you guys doing way over here?” you asked absently.
“Watching a bunch of old folks get dumber by the dram-full. And when they run dry��� I’ve got a few bottles tucked away to keep things flowing.” She grinned at her own ingenuity. “For a price, of course,” she added. 
“Smart,” you nodded and crossed your arms. An idea had struck you earlier in the evening when you saw the kids slink over here. You readjusted your feet, trying to look like an authority figure but knowing Mol was probably immune to the act. “How would you guys like to get a little practice in, this evening?”
Mol looked at you curiously. “Practice what?”
“Scamming. Scheming. Stealing.”
“I’m listening.”
“One of the men I travel with, the one with the hair-”
“-long or floofy?”
“Floofy, for sure,” you answered almost immediately.
“Right. I know him.”
“Well he considers himself to be an expert at sleight of hand.”
Mol scoffed.
“I know,” you agreed. “I think you should all prove you’re better than him.”
“Easy,” Mol crossed her arms. “How?”
“Here’s my proposal: You each try to take something from his tent or off his person without getting caught. If you get caught, you’re out.”
“And if we don’t get caught?” 
“Depending on what it is you took, I might let you keep it.”
Mol scoffed again. “What’s the point of stealing off him if there’s a chance we won’t be able to keep our spoils?”
You pursed your lips in agreement. “Honestly, I really want to prank him and I think it would be hilarious if you guys took his stuff. He loves his stuff.”
“I do love a good con…” Mol pondered for a moment. “Alright, counteroffer.”
“Lay it on me.”
“Since you happened to catch me in a good mood; we do this for you and we have your sworn loyalty once we establish ourselves as the best Guild in the Gate.” She thought for another moment. “Also two hundred gold.”
You sucked in a breath. “You drive a hard bargain, Mol.” You held out your hand for her to shake. “But you’ve got a deal.”
“Hang on, you’re not gonna try to talk us out of it? Not gonna haggle?”
“I already tried to talk you out of it back at the Grove,” you shrugged. “But you’re all way too clever for your own good and I know there’s no changing your minds. Besides, it’ll be nice to have some friends waiting for us in the city.” You smiled at her, your hand still outstretched. 
She returned your smile and took your hand, shaking it firmly. “Deal.”
“A pleasure doing business with you,” you bowed dramatically and Mol snickered.
Mol made her way to the open door of the temple. She looked back at you. “I expect to see that two hundred gold before the night is through.”
“I’ll go get it right now,” you said pointing back towards camp.
Mol nodded, satisfied, then entered the temple. You heard her shout as you were leaving: “Alright, listen up! We’ve got a job.”
You smiled to yourself. You didn’t know what had come over you, and you knew that it was dangerous to be negotiating deals with con artists in the making, but you couldn’t help yourself. Especially after Astarion had crowded you in the aftermath of the stink bomb he’d been hit with. You loved watching him squirm and this was a great opportunity to do so. Mol and her gang of tiefling troublemakers were harmless as they were right now. They’d managed to take odds and ends from around the Grove, minus Arabella’s attempt to take the idol from the druids’ ritual. There was nothing currently at camp that couldn’t be replaced on the road. After all, you’d all crashed onto the same beach with nothing but the clothes on your backs. Well, except maybe the artifact Shadowheart concealed on her person, but you had just sicced the kids in the opposite direction towards the vampire. 
You made your way back into camp, stopping to chat with Zevlor and Halsin. 
“Gentlemen,” you acknowledged, trying not to seem guilty after conspiring with the leader of the child criminals a few yards away. “A pleasure to see you both.” You noticed Zevlor was enjoying a goblet of wine, but Halsin was not. “Not partaking in the revelry, Halsin?” 
He chuckled. “I assume you mean my lack of a goblet of wine or a cask of ale?”
You nodded.
“In truth, I rarely imbibe. The stuff goes right to my head. Before you know it, I’d be breaking into song or declaring love to the first person I laid eyes on.”
“Oh, ho, ho.” You and Zevlor made amused eye contact. “You sure you’re not a bard, archdruid?” You elbowed Halsin playfully and he chuckled again. 
“You’ve never heard me singing. Which makes you very fortunate.”
Zevlor laughed. “Yes, the singing we could probably do without. It feels so good to see these people smiling, let’s not ruin it. ”
“Then I shall not keep your ear any longer,” Halsin said, holding up his hands in playful surrender. He nodded to you. “There are many grateful people here who want to spend time with you. Go enjoy yourself. Seek out some wine before it runs dry; there are a lot of thirsty people around here.”
Zevlor raised his goblet to you. “Here, here.” You mimed raising your own cup to clink with his. You exchanged goodbyes and the men resumed whatever conversation they’d been having before you walked by. 
Your tent wasn’t far off and you knew you had plenty of gold in your bag to spare for your hired thieves. You exchanged a few more hellos before making it over to your tent. You lit a single candle to help you search your bag in the dim light of your tent and tried to not draw attention to yourself. You started digging through your bag for your coin pouch. 
Just as you’d counted out the last of the gold, you heard Astarion behind you. 
“Here’s my little treat,” he purred.
You stood up quickly, miscalculating where you were located in space and hitting your head against the top of your tent.
“Agh!” you yelped, turning around to face Astarion and ducking to properly exit. You looked away from him, hoping he wouldn’t ask what you were up to.
He looked you up and down. “With their cheeks all flushed.” 
“Hi,” you said, not knowing how to respond. 
“Hello,” he smiled, drawing closer. “You’ll notice a distinct lack of blood stains and horrid stench to me.” He held out his arms and spun to show off his fresh, clean appearance. “It’s crazy what a little water and perfume can accomplish.”
“Well done,” you teased. “You’ve mastered basic hygiene.” 
He moved even closer. “Go on,” he said, leaning towards you, “give me a sniff.”
“And smell more rotten eggs? I’ll pass.”
“Come on,” he said, rolling his eyes.
You looked at him skeptically, then leaned in a little and inhaled. 
He smelled just as good as he had this morning, perhaps even better given that he’d just reapplied whatever it was he used to scent himself. You leaned in closer to his throat and inhaled again. It was a clean scent; one that was mature and distinctly male. It was delicious.
“What is that?” you asked, not pulling away.
Astarion chuckled lowly. “You like it?”
You finally pulled back and nodded. 
“Just a little scent profile I concocted to mask the unfortunate smell of death that comes from being, well, dead.”
“Do tell,” you probed, just as you noticed Mattis and Silfy sneaking around, a little ways off, clearly on their way to you and Astarion. You did your best to hide your stare, but Astarion noticed when your eyes shifted back a little too quickly and he looked behind himself. Mattis and Silfy quickly ducked behind a nearby tent. He turned back to face you.
“Thought I saw something. It was nothing.” It was a bad excuse, was what it was.
Astarion narrowed his eyes but continued, excited to talk about his scent mixture. “Mind you, my undead smell is very faint, but it’s nothing a little bergamot, rosemary, and a hit of aged brandy can’t hide. It’s the perfect olfactory disguise for a corpse.”
“Sounds like you missed your calling as a perfumer,” you said, genuinely interested in what he was saying but noticing Mattis and Silfy out of the corner of your eye. 
“I did, didn’t I?”
It was then that Mattis and Silfy approached you both.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Mattis said, the picture of innocence. “Silfy and I just wanted to thank you again for finding her earlier.”
Silfy nodded.
“Oh!” you said, doing your best to sound shocked. You bent to get on eye level with her again. “I’m glad you’re okay, Silfy.”
Silfy sniffled and threw her arms around your neck. “Oh, thank you, Miss Hero!”
“Aw, this is too much,” you said, rubbing her back and making eye contact with Mattis. “I’m always happy to help.”
Mattis came around behind you and hugged you as well. 
“Thank you for reuniting me with my baby sister.”
You felt his hand reach for your own and grab the pouch containing the two hundred gold for Mol. He concealed it expertly. 
Both he and Silfy pulled away from you at the same time. “Well, guess we better head back to the others. It was so nice meeting you.” Mattis turned to leave but Silfy lingered.
“Come find us in Baldur’s Gate!”
You smiled at her. “We definitely will,” you squeezed her hands before she shuffled off to join Mattis walking back towards the temple. 
You stood up, dusting off the front of your pants. 
Astarion looked at you with narrowed eyes and crossed arms.
You pointed with your thumb over your shoulder in the direction the kids were headed. “That was weird.”
“Why’d you give them a coin purse?”
You sputtered. “Why did I-? Whaaaaat? I didn’t-”
Astarion placed his hands on his hips. 
You sighed and looked at your feet. “Okay, I didn’t want to tell you this, but Silfy was upset because Mattis said she wasn’t good at pick-pocketing, so I went to the kids and said Silfy could practice on me.” You smiled lamely.
“So why did the brother pocket it?” He was onto you.
“I uh… think it was a round one type of thing. So next time it’ll just be Silfy.”
“Uh huh.” Astarion didn’t look convinced. “I’m going to assume you lost some sort of bet with Mol and her fleet of child criminals and that those two are the ones who came to collect.”
“Ah!” you exclaimed. “You caught me! I said I could beat Arabella in a staring contest and lost big time. Like, double or nothing lost.”
Astarion tsked and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around your waist. “You really must stop picking fights with children that you cannot win.”
“I can win,” you got defensive, even though you were lying through your teeth. 
Astarion tilted his head in disbelief. 
“I can!” You doubled down. 
“Mhm.” Astarion leaned forward and kissed you deeply, tilting you back a bit and bringing his hand to your cheek. 
He pulled away and you blinked back at him, dazed. 
“I missed you,” he murmured, resting his forehead against yours. “You and your weird soft spot for those urchins.” He pretended to gag, as if admitting such things was making him sick.
“Aw, shucks.” 
He groaned. “I’m going to have to insist that you remove ‘aw shucks’ from your vocabulary immediately.” 
“Or what? You’ll kill me?” Your eyes went to his mouth.
He flashed his fangs. “Don’t tempt me, darling.” He bent forward to kiss your neck and you tilted your head to give him better access.
“Astarion,” you half protested, “people can see us.”
“Let them,” he hummed against your throat. He moved his mouth so it was beside your ear. “Come to my bed tonight.”
A pleasant chill ran through your body. “I’ve seen your bed,” you sighed, thinking of the wooden pallet in his tent that was often covered with jars of half-drunk animal blood. “Come to mine instead.” 
Astarion growled from the back of his throat and kissed your neck again. 
“Yo, Astarion!” Karlach’s voice called from the food table. 
He pulled back slowly and turned to her, his arms still resting around your waist. “I’m a smidge busy here, Karlach.”
Karlach held up her hands innocently. She made eye contact with you and winked. “I just wanted to know if you’d seen all the wine the tieflings brought.”
“Of course I’ve seen the wine, I procured half of- wait, the tieflings brought wine?” He immediately pulled away from you and marched over to the table, examining the copious bottles of liquor. “So I got a stink bomb thrown at me and it was for nothing?!”
Karlach sucked in a breath. “Seems like it. Sorry, mate.”
Astarion turned back to look at you, clearly distraught by this discovery. You withheld a laugh.
He turned back and picked up a bottle and goblet. “Well, we’ll see who’s the better sommelier: me or the half-fiends.”
Karlach turned quickly and whipped him with her tail.
“Hey!” He stumbled a little, but caught himself. 
“Whoops! Sorry, you can never trust us half-fiends.” She narrowed her eyes at him.
“Oh,” Astarion backtracked. “Apologies, Karlach. I didn’t mean that.”
“Mmm,” Karlach crossed her arms. Then she smiled. “Wanna get drunk?”
“Gods, yes,” he sighed and uncorked a bottle, grabbing two goblets. He turned back towards you, still standing at your tent. “Care to partake?”
You smiled and shook your head. “I’m going to continue with my rounds,” you said, pointing vaguely towards the party at large.
Astarion shrugged and turned back to Karlach.
“Your loss, Soldier!”
“Save me a glass of the best stuff,” you called before walking in the direction of Gale’s tent. 
“No promises,” Astarion sang as you rounded the corner and found Gale at his tent, a goblet of wine in his hand and a half eaten plate of food set off to the side. 
“And how’s my favorite wizard enjoying the evening’s festivities?” you asked upon arrival.
“Ah,” he smiled, “come to turn my robes yellow this time?”
You held up your hands. “No lute. Sorry about earlier.”
“All in good fun,” he reassured. “I did miss your tomfoolery.”
“I knew you did,” you elbowed him playfully and he laughed.
“A beautiful night, don’t you think?” He looked up at the stars. 
Your gaze followed his. “That it is.”
“Nothing like a brush with destruction to make one appreciate the majesty of the celestial canvas.”
“Yes, destruction by cleric would have been a tough way to go.”
“Indeed,” he chuckled and looked back up at the stars. “This is a view I once might have shared with my companion. Though definitely unaccompanied by such revelry.” He gestured over to Danis and Bex, drunkenly giggling with each other not far off. 
He turned back to you. “She preferred it when we were alone, curled up before a crackling hearth with some ancient, esoteric tome between us, ink glinting by the firelight…”
You smiled at the wistful look on his face. “I hope you’re referring to your cat and not Mystra.”
“By Ahghairon’s lost nose- no!” His voice cracked a little as he exclaimed. “Tara is not any cat. She’s a tressym. And given your confusion, I’m guessing you’ve never met one.”
“Guilty,” you said, smiling sheepishly.
“They’re brilliant creatures; fine company for any self-respecting wizard. She’d be most impressed by our efforts saving these tieflings. Proud, even. And I’ve given her little to be proud of recently.” 
“Not true! Gale, you have so much to be proud of.” 
“You’re very kind,” he sighed. “She’s the one who discovered that the orb’s fury could be quelled with magically-infused items, you know.”
“You’re kidding! How’d she figure that out?”
“A lot of trial and error,” Gale laughed, holding a hand to his chest where the orb laid quiet for now. “I can still feel the phantom torment of her claws prodding me. Regardless, after so long being cared for by someone else, it feels good to repay the favor. Not directly to Tara, but these poor tieflings. I’m sure she would approve.”
You placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “I know she would.”
He smiled at you, then looked away. “So… you and Astarion.”
“Me and Astarion,” you bobbed back and forth on your feet.
“He has a certain charm about him, Astarion,” he nodded. “Then again, so does a tiger when it purrs.” He took a swig of his wine.
“Gale, if I did something that led you to think-”
“Nonsense,” he interrupted before you could finish the thought. “You did nothing of the sort. I think I’m just too deep in my cups.” He looked down into his goblet and sighed before looking back at you. “I’m glad you found each other. And better I have this revelation now than farther into our journey.”
“You’ll always be my favorite wizard,” you said, punching his bicep in playful camaraderie. “I hope this doesn’t change things between us. I value our friendship too much.”
He chuckled softly, his hand ghosting over where yours had just made contact. “This changes nothing.” A reassuring smile graced his features. 
Movement to your left on the beach caught your attention.
“Is that Wyll?” you asked.
Gale followed your eyes over to his right. “Ah, yes I believe he’s been pensively staring at the water for a majority of the evening.”
“And you didn’t check on him?”
“I did, but he insisted on being alone. Though I’m sure he would much rather welcome your company than that of a babbling wizard.” He nudged you with his elbow. “But after that, go indulge in the frivolities! They’re good for the heart. And mine will be lighter, to see you enjoying yourself.”
You surged forward and hugged him. He held you tightly while still clutching his goblet. When you pulled away you pointed at him. “You still need to teach me lanceboard.”
“And you need to stop enchanting the pieces to attack each other.”
“I will when it stops making you laugh.” You grinned at him, then waved and headed towards Wyll.
Just as Gale had said, Wyll was standing alone by the water’s edge, past the drying blankets that swayed subtly in the evening air. 
“Thought I smelled you over here,” you said, sliding down some rocks and making him noticeably flinch.
“Oh gods, do I still stink?” He raised his arm to his nose and inhaled deeply. “I fear I’ll never be fully rid of it.”
“I was teasing,” you came to stand beside him and looked at the lake. “Though, Astarion seems to have a promising career ahead of himself as a perfumer if you need his help.”
Wyll chuckled. “Good to know that your new beau smells as good as he looks.”
“Indeed he does,” you smiled at him and he smiled back. 
After a moment, Wyll sighed. “I was hoping you wouldn’t notice I was gone.”
“It’s no party without the Blade of Frontiers.”
“Really? I’m honored.” He turned back to face the water. “In truth, I don’t feel in a festive mood. And I didn’t want to cast a grey cloud over the night.”
“What? Why?” It concerned you deeply that one of your beloved companions was feeling down and you hadn’t even noticed. “What brought this on?”
“I’m a devil,” Wyll scowled. “I love the people from the Grove, but I unsettle them deep down. As I seem to unsettle everyone nowadays. You don’t want a devil at your party.”
You were surprised he felt that way. Mizora had so kindly gifted him his devilish features not long after Karlach officially joined your team well over a tenday ago, and the people of the Grove had long since come to terms with the Blade’s new horns. He was still Wyll; kind, fiercely protective, and above all, a good man. Those who couldn’t see that were fools.
“Claws will pop the balloons, you see,” Wyll teased, trying to lift the mood. “And the sweetcakes don’t taste half as good as raw eggs with this blasted forked tongue.” 
You smiled sadly. “You don’t unsettle me. Or any of us. You know that.”
Wyll laughed humorlessly. “If only half the world had half the heart you do.” A small smile tugged at his lips. “But off with you. This is your day! Have a dance. Enjoy the music.”
“I suspect you’re the best dancer among us, Mr. Upper City. I’d love to dance with you sometime.”
Wyll laughed. “In truth, I always enjoyed a bit of pomp.”
“You seem like the type,” you laughed.
“I once beat the Baldurian record for the most sarabandes dances in a single evening. Much to the exhaustion of the good ladies and gentlemen of the Gate.” 
“I can see it now,” you said wistfully.
“I had years of lessons, but honestly, it’s all about your partner.” 
You took a step back and bowed dramatically. “Well I hope one of these evenings I might be a proper partner to stumble along with.”
Wyll smirked and bowed back to you. “One of these evenings,” he agreed. He inhaled deeply and turned back to the lake. “I just need some time alone beneath the stars, and I’ll be back to my old self. Promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” you said, walking forward and hugging him. He returned it and you squeezed him tightly. 
“Okay,” he jokingly wheezed, “you have my word.”
“Good,” you pulled away. “You know where to find me,” you said, nodding your head in the direction of the party. 
“I do,” Wyll nodded, looking at you fondly. 
You turned and called down the beach, “Keep an eye on him, Withers!”
Withers simply stared at you from his spot by the boats. 
You placed your hands on your hips. “One of these days I will crack him.”
Wyll laughed and waved you off. “Good luck with that.”
As you reemerged into the party, you saw Zaki run past you holding a tin of one of Astarion’s hair products. You snorted and looked around to make sure Astarion hadn’t seen. 
No, he and Karlach were still busy downing goblets of wine and comparing them to each other. 
“Bitter!” Astarion exclaimed, sticking out his tongue and pulling the goblet away from his mouth as if it had bitten him.
“Ah, you’ve got no taste, Astarion!” Karlach clapped him on the back. “This one’s better than the crap you served three cups ago.”
Astarion scoffed. “That was a classic vintage! Gods, it’s like you know nothing of fine wines.”
Karlach rolled her eyes. “Um, hello? Ten years in Avernus, mate. Didn’t get much drinking in while enslaved. Anything’s better than fire wine.”
“Tragic,” was all he said in response.
Suddenly Alfira was running over to you. “There you are!” The sweet scent of alcohol wafted off of her and she held a goblet in one hand and her teacher’s lute in the other. “Now, this might be the wine talking, but I’m feeling inspired. Thinking of writing my next song… about you.” 
“Me?” you asked, placing your hands on your chest and batting your eyes. “I’m flattered.”
Alfira nodded. “But I need an angle. Any ideas?”
You thought for a moment, then made your voice pompous. “Let it be only as truthful as true poetry would permit.”
Alfira grinned and matched your tone, “But of course.” Then she became serious, “You achieved something beyond mere fact by helping all of us. That deserves to be remembered.” She shut her eyes for a moment, regaining her thoughts. “Buuuut, like I said, I need more wine before I truly start waxing poetic. Shall we play a song together now?”
“Great idea,” you grinned and started making your way to your tent to retrieve her lute. 
As you passed by Astarion and Karlach, you watched Arabella reach into Astarion’s back pocket and come away with what looked like a few coins. She made eye contact with you and smirked before running off.
Karlach clearly saw this occur and held in a laugh. She looked past Astarion at you and you held a finger up to your mouth, signaling for her not to say anything. She snorted.
“What’s so funny?” Astarion asked.
“Nothing, you just look so stupid when you sniff wine like that.”
“I do not!” he protested. A beat. “Do I?”
You shook your head to yourself as you made it to your tent and grabbed the lute, walking with Alfira to the center of camp by the fire. 
“What shall we play?” she asked. 
“How about a classic?” you suggested, strumming the opening chords to “Bard Dance.”
Alfira grinned and nodded, immediately picking up the harmonies to the song while you took the melody. A sudden whistling caught your ear and you turned to see Volo performing the song with just as much gusto as the two of you. Had he been here the whole time?
Around you, the tieflings and your companions gathered around to hear you both play. They were stiff at first, merely listening and swaying to the familiar tune they’d no doubt heard many times. It wasn’t long before Danis bowed to Bex, who curtsied back, and the two began dancing merrily around the clearing. 
With the ice broken, others coupled off to dance together, and others formed groups of three or four. 
Shadowheart clapped along to the beat as Gale approached her and twirled her around happily. Karlach joined the fray, swinging her hips and waving her arms, but was careful not to hit anyone by mistake. Even Halsin joined in on the fun, awkwardly marching back and forth to the beat and encouraging shy tieflings to join him. Lae’zel and Astarion remained on the edge of the crowd, but you could see Lae’zel tapping her foot to the beat despite her best efforts to remain unaffected by the merriment. 
As your fingers danced over the strings, you sent off a few minor illusions of fireworks to add some dazzle to the performance. Alfira added her own dancing lights to swirl around the audience.
You made eye contact with Astarion who was smirking at you. He made to raise his goblet to you in a toast, but his hand was empty. He looked around himself to see if he’d misplaced it, but movement farther back in camp let you know that it was Meli who had absconded with the cup. You smiled widely at Astarion and shrugged. He shrugged back, smiling and reaching for a new cup. 
As the jovial song came to an end, the audience clapped and a few members approached you and Alfira, thanking you for the music and placing a few coins in your palms. 
“Marvelous!”
“Such fun!”
“Alfira, you simply must play for us on our journey to the Gate!”
“No praise for the wizard, Volo?” Volo complained to an unhearing crowd. He humphed and returned to scribbling in a notebook closeby.
You and Alfira thanked everyone before you handed Alfira her lute back.
“Thank you for this,” you said. “I’d love to play again with you some time.”
Alfira took the instrument from you and nodded. “Oh, yes please!” She looked at her lute for a moment, then held it back out to you. “You should keep this one.” 
“Oh, no, I couldn’t,” you shook your head. “You’ve clearly had it for a long time. It must hold sentimental value to you. I don’t want you to part with it, I’ll have a new lute in no time.”
“Please,” Alfira insisted, still holding it out. “You play so beautifully.”
“Don’t go inflating her ego now,” Astarion said as he approached carrying two goblets of wine. “She’s annoying enough as it is.” 
Behind him you saw Mirkon run by with a set of thieves' tools.
Astarion handed you one of the goblets of wine and smiled at you. “Hello, my sweet.”
“Hi,” you said shyly, still not used to his full attention but enjoying it nonetheless.
“Oh, stop teasing her,” Alfira said, rolling her eyes. “Tell her how well she did and make her take my lute.” She held it out again.
“While yes, she did play wonderfully-”
You looked at Astarion, a little shocked. You weren’t sure he’d ever complimented your music before.
“-she won’t be needing the lute.”
“See,” you said to Alfira before pausing for a moment and turning back to Astarion. “I won’t?”
He shook his head at you. “It’s taken care of already,” he said to Alfira. 
She understood what he was saying and nodded. “How very kind of you,” she said, smiling. She reached forward and squeezed your hand. “I’ll make sure to see you again before we leave.” 
You nodded and smiled as she left to rejoin Lakrissa at the wine table.
You turned to Astarion who looked smug. He turned to face you and grinned.
“What was that?” you asked.
“What was what, darling?”
“With Alfira. ‘It’s taken care of already.’ Did you steal me a lute or something?”
Astarion brought his goblet to his lips, ignoring you.
You gasped, your mouth open in faux horror. “You did not.”
“And if I did?”
“Where?”
He groaned. “Enough questions. Come enjoy a drink with me.”
He took your hand and led you over to his tent. When you arrived, he dropped your hand and held up his cup for you to clink with his. He took a sip. 
“You know, I never pictured myself as a hero.”
You snorted. “Bold of you to assume that’s what you are.”
He rolled his eyes and continued. “Never thought I’d be the one they toast for saving so many lives. And now that I’m here…”
He held you in suspense as he took another drink of his wine. 
When he pulled the cup away, he scowled. “I hate it. This is awful.” 
“Aw,” you said, walking forward and wrapping your arms around his neck before pulling back a little. “Is this okay?” you asked softly.
He nodded.
You continued. “It’s not that bad. Think of all the goblins you killed.”
“True,” he agreed. “That was fun. Still, I would have liked more than a pat on the head and vinegar for wine.” 
You raised your eyebrows. “I’m sorry, weren’t you the one who curated the wine?”
“Yes, but it’s not like I had much variety to choose from. Plus the tieflings didn’t bring anything to write home about.” He cocked his hip to the side, then nodded to you. “Go ahead, give it a taste.”
You stepped back and swirled the wine in the goblet that Astarion had provided for you. You took a tentative sip of the heavy, rich red. It was dry and sharp. To be honest, it tasted like most other reds you’d had before.
Astarion leaned forward a bit to gauge your reaction. “See what I mean? Awful.”
You rolled your eyes fondly. “Why didn’t you pick a better one, then?”
“Darling, this is the best they had.” 
“How sad,” you sighed, clearly not as upset as he hoped you’d be.
He held up a hand and turned away from you. “None of you have any taste.” 
“I’m sorry, my love,” you brushed some hair out of his face. “You’ll have to share once you find something you actually like. That way I’ll know what to look for.”
He sighed heavily. “What would be the point? You probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.”
“Rude,” you scoffed, “but fair.” You looked at him thoughtfully. “Hang on, weren’t you and Karlach trying to get drunk?”
Astarion giggled stupidly. “Yes.”
You snorted. “How’d that go?”
“Fine,” he sighed. “Takes me a lot longer to get drunk. What with the dead liver and all.”
You furrowed your brow. “Wouldn’t lacking a working liver make you drunk immediately?”
Astarion whined, “I don’t know, but Karlach is completely inebriated and I only have a buzz I can already feel fading.”
You looked over to Karlach who was still dancing despite the fact that you and Alfira had finished your performance several minutes ago. She was trying to get Dammon and Zevlor to join her but both looked like they were searching for escape routes. 
You laughed. “Shame there’s no music to accompany her,” you said, half joking.
“An excellent point, my dear.” He turned to bend down, wobbling, but catching himself. He started rifling through his possessions. “Odd,” he mumbled, “I swore it was here.”
“What are you looking for?” you asked.
“Hmm?” He was clearly lost in thought. “Oh nothing, darling. But, um, do me a favor and go somewhere else for a minute.” He waved you away without looking at you.
You smirked. “Okay,” you said, pretty sure he was looking for the lute he’d snatched for you. As you were about to step away, you paused, remembering the gang of young thieves actively stealing from Astarion. “I-” you shook your head. “Nevermind, keep looking.”
“I will, now go away.” He got up to look behind his tent. 
You held in a laugh and made your way over to Shadowheart, who you just witnessed pour herself a fresh glass of wine. 
“Hello,” you said, joining her at the refreshments table and popping a grape into your mouth. The crisp snap of the grape reminded you how hungry you were and you began to fill a plate with food. 
“Hungry?” Shadowheart laughed.
“I haven’t eaten all day,” you said through a mouthful of mashed potatoes. “I missed bread and cheese this afternoon.”
“Uh huh,” Shadowheart rolled her eyes. “And whose fault was that?”
You slowed your chewing and slouched. “Mine.”
“Uh huh,” she took a swig of wine and smiled at you. “I think it’s safe to say you learned your lesson.”
You nodded as you took a large bite off a bread roll. 
Shadowheart took a step back to rest against the table. She surveyed the party at large. 
“Everyone seems to be in high spirits.”
You swallowed heavily and willed yourself not to choke, clearing your throat instead. “You put together a great party, Shadowheart.”
“I know,” she smiled. She shimmied closer to you and nodded over to Astarion’s tent where the man was still searching around, looking deeply confused. “I saw you and Astarion have been reunited.”
You lifted your gaze to Astarion’s tent, your expression melting into one of pure adoration. He was such an idiot. Even though you knew you were the cause of his ignorance. You shook your head, snapping out of it.
“Sorry again.”
Shadowheart blew out a puff of air. “Far be it from me to keep you two apart any longer. Besides,” she nudged you playfully, “blood must still be running hot. After everything.”
This time you did choke. Shadowheart’s eyes widened and she smacked you on the back.
“I’m fine!” you insisted. You cleared your throat and took a sip of wine. 
Shadowheart laughed. “It’s fun getting you flustered.”
“I’m sure Astarion would say the same,” you agreed.
She sighed happily next to you and returned to looking into the party.
“You know who I never thought I’d find myself caring for?”
You stuffed your mouth with a hunk of cheese on a cracker to the point where you could barely get out the word, “Me?”
Shadowheart looked at you and laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. I mean, desperate people… like these refugees. Never gave them much of a thought. Certainly not this bunch from the Grove. Yet we came through for them. We saved their lives. Odd.”
You nudged her with your shoulder. “I hate to say it Shadowheart, but you’re a good person. Though given your sentimentality, it sounds like the wine is talking,” you teased.
“It’s not talking enough for my liking.” She turned and grabbed the bottle you’d seen her pouring from moments ago. “Share a bottle with me?” 
You looked at her skeptically. “Just a bottle? You’re not trying to poison me for disobeying you earlier, are you?”
She rolled her eyes. “Just a bottle of poison free wine. You’ve suffered enough. Besides, I think you have other plans afterwards. Wouldn’t want to keep you.” She kicked her foot out towards Astarion’s tent which was now vacant, minus Doni slinking away with a hairbrush.
Before you could give her an answer, she was filling your goblet to the brim, despite the fact that you hadn’t finished the wine that was already there. She poured the rest into her own goblet, shaking the bottle to get out the last few drops.
“There,” she said. “Liquid courage.”
She tapped the brim of her goblet against yours and took a long sip. You joined her. Mixing the two wines hadn’t been a bad idea after all. There was a pleasant fruity aftertaste that you enjoyed. You went back in for another sip. 
She watched you as you drank. “Do try to get some rest tonight if you can. Tomorrow’s another day.”
“Yes, mom.”
She smacked your arm. “How dare you! I’m nobody’s mother.” She took another swig of her wine just as Lae’zel approached with her greatsword. 
“Are you aware that the child thieves are taking our belongings from camp?”
Shadowheart choked a little. “Excuse me?” She patted herself down and was relieved when her hand made contact with the artifact still on her person. She didn’t dare pull it out in front of everyone and instead looked at you.
“Oh, that,” you said smiling. “I told them they could.”
“And why would you tell them that?” Lae’zel narrowed her eyes. 
“Don’t worry,” you sat up straighter. “I told them they could only take from Astarion.”
Shadowheart snorted. “What?”
“Yeah, I thought it would be funny if the rogue got robbed by a bunch of kids.”
“Chk,” Lae’zel scoffed. “He is failing miserably at what he claims to be very good at.” She eased her stance and loosened her grip on her greatsword.
You laughed. “I think it’s partially Karlach’s fault. She suggested they both get drunk.”
“That’ll do it,” Shadowheart nodded, taking another sip of wine. 
“Hang on, Lae’zel, were you planning on attacking the kids?” You pointed at her sword.
Lae’zel eyed the weapon, then looked at you. “All children should know how to defend themselves from enemy attacks. I had already killed two of my cousins by the time I was their age.”
You nodded slowly. “Killing isn’t as much of a priority when you’re a kid here.”
“You make that blatantly obvious everyday with your oafish battle stance and shoddy swordsmanship.”
You scoffed and Shadowheart laughed. “I’m a lot better at fighting now, thanks,” you smiled at her, not actually offended. You knew she’d been raised on an entirely different plane, and who were you to judge their customs? At this point in your adventure, you knew not to take her harsh words personally. Even though she was usually right.
Lae’zel looked you up and down. “Perhaps so. I have seen the kith’raki tear a screaming neogi’s legs from its belly to fashion into blades.”
“Ew,” Shadowheart scowled. 
Lae’zel kept her eyes trained on you. “Yet, they could not match your nerve at the goblin camp. It was enough to drive me to madness.”
“Oh,” you said, a bit taken aback. “Thanks?”
“I smell their blood on you still. I smell your sweat.”
Your eyes widened. “Oh gods, I thought I washed that all off-”
Shadowheart set a hand on your shoulder and shook her head. You turned your focus back on Lae’zel. 
“I meant to taste that sweat. Pity for us you’ve already promised your body to Astarion.” She crossed her arms, annoyed.
“Ah,” you nodded, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Lae’zel, I didn’t know you felt that way about me.” 
“Chk,” Laezel rolled her eyes. “It is your loss. Come morning you will wonder. You will wonder how my lips might have tasted. How my fingers on your skin might have felt.”
You looked down at the ground, feeling guilty for not picking up on her intentions sooner. Shadowheart laid a comforting hand on your back.
“Enough, Lae’zel,” she said. “She was bound to make a choice sooner or later. Let’s respect her decision.”
“And what a foolish decision it was. Astarion can’t even handle a few children. I would skewer them the moment they touched one of my belongings.” She thrusted her greatsword forward as if to demonstrate. 
You swallowed. “Then let’s be glad they aren’t after your belongings.” 
Lae’zel looked down her nose at you. “Let us hope that continues.” 
“Hope what continues?” Astarion approached the three of you and grabbed another bottle of wine, not bothering to pour it into his goblet and instead opting to drink directly from the source.
You shook your head, feigning annoyance. “Are you following me?”
“Darling,” he purred, sidling up next to you, “didn’t I tell you last night that I wasn’t going to leave you alone anymore, especially after we-”
Lae’zel groaned loudly. “I’m going to keep a vigilant watch for any of those whelps stepping out of line.” She turned on her heel and headed back to her tent, but not before intimidating a few unfortunate tieflings milling about nearby. 
Astarion took another swig from his bottle and winced, not enjoying the taste. “What’s with her? Apart from her usual Lae’zel…ness?”
“Don’t worry about it,” you said, sipping your own wine and feeling warmth spread through your chest.
Shadowheart leaned over to look at the vampire. “Enjoying yourself, Astarion?”
Astarion did a double take, apparently having not noticed her when he first walked up. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around you protectively.
“Ooohh no,” he said, “you’re not sending me out on another long errand to keep me away from her.” He sounded whiney, likely from the buzz he was still nursing with the wine.
You and Shadowheart laughed.
“It’s okay, dearest,” you teased, poking his nose. “We’ve made peace with Shadowheart.”
Astarion looked from you to Shadowheart skeptically. “No more errands?”
Shadowheart smirked. “Don’t dally again and we won’t have to find out, will we?”
That answer seemed to satisfy Astarion, who pulled away from you and continued to drink from his bottle. “I suppose that’s fair. But to answer your question, yes, surprisingly I’m having a delightful time.”
You scrunched your nose. “What happened to hating all the attention and the bad wine?”
Astarion rolled his eyes. “Must you always question the details, darling?”
You laughed. “Yes, evidently I must.”
Astarion waved his hand in the air, ignoring your answer and continuing to address Shadowheart. “It’s been centuries since I’ve been able to really let loose at a soiree such as this without being told what to do or hunting for something.” He wrapped you in his arms again. “Not when I already have my prey for the evening right here.”
Your eyes widened at Shadowheart and you avoided eye contact with her, flustered.
“Astarion,” you muttered as he kissed your shoulder from behind.
Surprisingly, when you looked back at her, Shadowheart had a small smile on her face.  
She addressed you when she spoke. “Seems like you’ve really captured this one under your spell.” She nodded her head towards Astarion who had his nose pressed against your neck. 
He pulled back and looked shocked. “Is that what this is? Have you cursed me? Vile witch!” He smiled at you like a dope. He snapped his fingers at Shadowheart. “Remove this curse, cleric!”
Shadowheart grabbed his hand and set it back at his side. “What you’re not going to do is snap at me as if I were a dog.” She looked at you. “Who knew liquor would make him even more insufferable?”
“We should have accounted for this,” you agreed. 
“I am right here,” Astarion pouted.
You reached for one of his hands wrapped around you and squeezed it. “We know, dummy.”
His slightly unfocused eyes went gooey. He looked at Shadowheart. “You know, Shadowheart, we were each others’ firsts.”
You went rigid under his touch and Shadowheart inhaled her wine by accident, coughing briefly.
“That can’t be true,” she said looking between the two of you.
“Astarion,” you elbowed him.
Astarion scowled. “Oh, perish the thought, she was the first thinking creature I ever drank from.”
Shadowheart nodded slowly. “Congratulations?” She looked at you. “You didn’t drink… his blood too, did you?”
You shook your head and Astarion laughed. 
“No dear, I took her virginity.”
You elbowed Astarion with a good amount of force. 
“I will kill you,” you muttered exasperatedly.
“You will not,” he wheezed.
“I will not,” you sighed, looking up at Shadowheart, whose eyes had gone wide. 
Her expression morphed from one of shock to one of anger. She stood and walked over to Astarion. Her hand glowed with the makings of a guiding bolt. You stood quickly and stepped in front of Astarion, shielding him.
“Shadowheart!” you exclaimed. “It’s alright!”
“He’s a vampiric freak,” she said loudly, drawing the attention of a few party goers. “He’s using you for your blood and your innocence!”
Astarion scoffed and stood, stepping to the side, rendering your body shield useless. 
“How dare you,” he said, stomping his foot. “While, yes, that does sound like me, and was my intention originally,” Shadowheart raised her glowing hand and you held up your arms to stop her, “I did not make passionate love to her for no reason!”
You brought your hands to your face and ran them down your features slowly. This was mortifying.
“Can we keep it down?” you asked quietly.
Shadowheart rolled her eyes and dropped the prepped guiding bolt. She crossed her arms and looked at Astarion expectantly. “And what was the reason?”
He groaned dramatically. “Gods, I only brought it up as a joke for a laugh, do we have to keep it up?”
“Astarion,” both you and Shadowheart warned.
“Fine,” he avoided looking at you. “I like her, alright? More than like her, she’s- well, I don’t know what she is.” He took your hand in both of his own. “But isn’t it nice not to know?”
You looked at each other for a moment, his face soft, but a little concerned. You smiled and brought the back of his hand to your mouth for a kiss.
“So you didn’t bed her for the sake of gaining power from her virginity or something?”
That snapped Astarion out of his focus on you. “What? No, of course not! I’m a spawn anyway, so even if I wanted to I couldn’t.” He smiled at you. “But I didn’t want to!” He added quickly. 
“Nice save,” you teased, ruffling his hair, then thinking better of it and moving it back into place. “Let’s keep our sex lives to ourselves from now on, okay?”
“Gods below, if I’d known she’d react like that-” Astarion looked up at Shadowheart who was crossing her arms and looking at him as if daring him to finish the sentence. He cleared his throat. “Noted.”
Shadowheart shook her head and rolled her eyes before perching on the refreshments table once again.
“If he hurts you, I’m going to kill him and not revive him. And I’ll pay Withers for him to stay dead.”
You patted her shoulder. “I know. Thank you.”
Astarion leaned over to look at her. “To be clear, I don’t plan on hurting her.”
Shadowheart changed the subject. “What were you looking for over there?” She nodded her head towards Astarion’s tent. 
“Hmm?” he looked confused as to what she was referring to, then caught on and perched on the refreshment table again beside you. “Oh, just a little something for our beautiful bard here.” He started playing with the ends of your hair.
Shadowheart returned to her wine. “Couldn’t find it?”
“You know, it’s the strangest thing, I’ve been misplacing things all evening. Must be because of this delicious buzz I’ve got.” Astarion remembered the bottle he’d set down mere moments ago and returned to it.
Shadowheart lifted her eyebrows at you over her goblet. “Strange,” she said with an air of “We know exactly what’s happening and Astarion doesn't.”
You sighed, thinking he’d suffered enough at the hands of the kids. You took his free hand and hauled him up from the table. 
He eyed you curiously but made sure to take the wine bottle up with him. “What is it, darling?”
“Come on,” you started leading him towards the temple. 
“Oh ho,” he chuckled, stumbling a bit behind you, “wanted to get me alone, did you?” He sped up a little and gently bit the tip of your ear. 
You gasped at the sensation and he pulled back to smirk at you. You blinked and shook your head. “Trust me, you’re not going to want to ravish me in there,” you nodded ahead to the temple. 
Astarion caught you by the waist and lifted you a little, forcing you to stop moving. You yelped and he pulled you back so that he could whisper in your ear. “I can take you wherever I damn well please,” he growled. 
You shivered as he set you back down. “As sexy as you are, my love, you’ll see what I mean momentarily.”
You grabbed his hand again and led him across the log bridge and into the temple.
Only to find it empty.
Your stomach dropped. Uh oh.
Astarion sighed. “I don’t see what the problem is, dear.”
He took advantage of his grip on your hand and pulled you back to him, then spun you around so that your back was against the damp stone wall of the now truly abandoned temple. 
His knee came between your legs and he pinned your hands above your head. 
You were too shocked to say anything.
He grinned, and leaned into your ear again. “I could take you right here and right now,” he bent to kiss your throat and moved his thigh to rub deliciously against you. When you let out a small noise of satisfaction, he pulled back to look at you, his voice low, “If that’s what you want.” 
“Astarion,” you whined, closing your eyes and rolling your hips. 
“Yes, sweet girl?” he smirked at the pathetic look on your face.
“Kids, Astarion,” you exhaled shakily as he adjusted his thigh to give you a better angle. 
He paused. “Kids?” Then he chuckled. “I don’t think you need to worry about that, darling.”
You opened your eyes and gave him a confused look. 
He gave you an equally confused look. “I’m dead,” he said slowly, “I don’t think it’s possible?” He raked his eyes over your body and rested on your stomach. “Is it?”
You gently whacked the side of his head. “No, idiot, I’m talking about the tiefling kids.”
“Oh!” Astarion let out a relieved laugh. “What about them? You didn’t lose our entire camp over a game of hopscotch, did you?”
You rolled your eyes and pushed off the wall, looking around for any sign of the kids. It was dark and you couldn’t make out a thing. You groaned loudly up at the ceiling and ran your hands down your face. 
“I shouldn’t have trusted them…” you muttered.
“What did you do?” Astarion asked, sounding prematurely annoyed. 
You ignored him and opted to march out of the temple and up the log back into camp. 
A small laugh rang out from behind Gale’s vacant tent a ways off.
It sounded distinctly childish. 
You huffed some hair out of your face and marched up to Volo who was near Wyll’s tent, still writing in his journal. 
He lit up as you approached. “Aha! There you are! Come now, settle in. I do hope you have partaken in something bracing? This may well take up all night.”
You grabbed him by the arm. “No time.”
He protested as you dragged him towards the edge of camp. “I say! Unhand me! I’d hate to see your name slandered in an upcoming tale of your heroic escapades!” 
You ignored him and spun him to face you. “How loud can you whistle?”
Volo puffed his chest proudly. “I’m surprised you have to ask, given my accompaniment to your performance earlier this evening.” He cleared his throat and stood up straighter. “As loud and as lively as necessary.”
“Great. I’m going to need one sharp, loud whistle on my say so.”
He leaned in conspiratorially. “Ah, drawing attention, are we? Giving a rousing speech? Toasting to your fine accomplishments?”
“Neither.” You cupped your hands up to your mouth. “MOL AND COMPANY.”
The party grew silent.
Volo tilted his head. “Oh. Interesting choice of audience. But, children are the future-”
You elbowed him. “Do it now.”
“Right.” As instructed, Volo lifted his fingers to his mouth and blew harshly, emitting a loud, high pitched whistle.
You saw heads turn to you, as well as the figures of the kids clamoring to look at you from behind Gale’s tent.
“TO ME,” you called firmly, making eye contact with Mol and motioning for her and the others to come to you. 
As the children filed towards you, Volo shrunk back. “Do you need-”
“You can go.” 
“Thank heavens. Good evening.” He tipped his hat to you, then scurried off back to his post by Wyll’s tent. 
Mol came to a stop in front of you, crossing her arms and scowling at you. “What do you want now?”
You looked down at all eight of the hired thieves. Most avoided eye contact but Mol and Arabella, who smiled at you. You crossed your arms.
“It’s time to go over your spoils.”
“What, in front of him?” Meli asked, pointing behind you at Astarion, who lingered behind you looking rather in awe of what was occuring. 
“It’s been long enough,” you confirmed. “You all did very well and I’m very pleased with your efforts.”
You watched as the kids grew smug and shared excited looks with each other. 
Mattis spoke up. “What do we get in return for doing so good?”
“So well,” Astarion corrected.
“Didn’t ask you, did I mate?” Mattis snarled. 
Astarion flashed his fangs in retaliation and Mattis shut his mouth.
You placed your hands on your hips. “Well let’s see what you gathered, huh? Then we can determine.”
Mol clicked her tongue. “I already told ya’s, we have her support when we get to the Gate.”
“Lame!” Zaki exclaimed. “We should get some kind of physical prize or something.”
Doni made a noise of agreement. 
Mirkon shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s nice that we have the support of the hero of the Grove to help us.”
Arabella smirked. “I kind of want to see what else she has to offer.”
You did your best to stay stoic in front of them all, but you were too endeared by their curiosity and felt a smile tugging at your lips.
“Alright cretins,” you teased loudly, “show me where you buried the loot.”
Silfy giggled. “We didn’t bury it, silly!”
“Silfy,” Mattis hissed.
She grew quiet. “Sorry.”
“Be nice,” you warned, resting your hands on your hips. You took a deep breath, thinking about how to proceed. “Alright, first one to show me where you hid the loot gets their prize first.”
“Prize?!” Zaki gasped and Meli was already running across camp.
The other seven raced off after him.
You sighed fondly, choosing to walk after them at a leisurely pace.
Astarion caught up and strolled beside you. “Am I to understand that you had the urchins steal my belongings this evening?”
You clasped your hands behind your back and looked straight ahead. “Perhaps.”
Astarion chuckled. “I’d kill you if I didn’t desperately want to kiss you right now. Seeing your command over those children was really something.”
You cleared your throat. “Later. We need to get your stuff back first.”
He nodded, his brows furrowing. “You seem to like kids. Not just those brats.”
“I do,” you smiled. “They can be the best audience. Plus they’re hilarious in their own ways without even trying most of the time.”
Astarion nodded. “A collective of child criminals is rather funny from an objective point of view.”
“They’re pretty good, too,” you bumped his hip. “Got past our master rogue all evening.”
Astarion tsked. “I blame the wine, darling.”
“I think you’re getting sloppy.”
“Would you STOP FLIRTING and GET OVER HERE?” Mattis yelled from the boats near Withers.
Arabella leaned against the boat closest to the living corpse. “Bone Man here said we could hide our stuff in the boats.”
“Withers!” you exclaimed with no actual anger in the cry. 
“I did no such thing,” he denied, as stoic as ever. 
“Uh huh,” you said, then leaned in conspiratorially to the kids. “He hides our stuff all the time.”
The kids snickered, looking from you to Withers.
“I do not,” he said, his tone holding the same inflection as always. “I hast no need of thine earthly possessions.”
You clicked your tongue. “And yet you require compensation from us whenever we need something from you. Where’s the money going, Withers?”
Silfy giggled.
Withers didn’t budge.
You turned back to the kids. “He absolutely hides our stuff.” 
They snickered again. 
You moved closer to the boat to peer inside. Doni stepped in front of you, blocking your view.
“Alright, alright,” you laughed, taking a step back, ��who wants to show me what they took first.”
“So you really are going to reward them for this behavior?” Astarion crossed his arms and you ignored him. 
“I got here first,” Meli said, stepping forward with his hands behind his back, “just so we’re clear.”
“You did not,” Zaki protested, “Doni got here before any of us.”
“Doni doesn’t count! He’s the best sneak of all of us!”
“He does count and that’s why he won!”
“Quiet, you two,” Mol said with a bit of an edge to her tone. “Doni did win fair and square.”
“Told you!” Zaki stuck out his tongue.
Meli rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” He stepped forward and addressed you. “May I present…” he pulled his hands out from behind his back, revealing Astarion’s wine goblet from earlier.
“You little whelp,” Astarion hissed but you held up a hand to silence him.
Meli smirked at the vampire. “You’ll notice,” he tipped the goblet forward so you could look inside, “not a drop wasted.”
Sure enough, the goblet still contained a hefty portion of deep red liquid. 
You applauded his effort and a few of the other kids joined in. “Well done, Meli. But, uh, you didn’t drink any, did you?”
Meli scowled. “Yuck, no thanks. I don’t know why adults like this stuff.”
Astarion bent forward. “I’ll be taking that,” he swiped the goblet back, “thank you.” He took a long, deep sip, then wiped a drop that rolled down the side of his mouth with the back of his hand. 
“Who’s next?” you asked.
Silfy reached into the boat and pulled out a small brooch, covered in rubies and emeralds. “I got this from his tent.”
You got down on your knees in front of her again. “Oh Silfy!” you said, in awe of the craftsmanship. “This is lovely! Good job.” You turned to show Astarion.
He looked uninterested. “That was my mother’s.”
You stiffened briefly, then relaxed. “No, it wasn’t.”
He snorted. “Of course it wasn’t. I swiped it off some dead-” You made a face at him and nodded towards the kids, reminding him that young ears were listening, “-teddy… bear?”
“People die,” Mattis said flatly. “We’re not idiots.”
“I’m missing a gods damn eye,” Mol pointed to the bandage around her head.
You sighed. “I don’t know why I’m even trying, you guys are way too smart.” You turned and handed the brooch back to Astarion who pocketed it without question. 
“The smartest,” Mol grinned, looking around at the other seven.
Mirkon stepped forward. “Me next!” he reached into the boat and pulled something out, concealing it behind his back. He looked very pleased with himself when he revealed a set of thieves' tools. 
Astarion laughed once, humorlessly. “I have a million of those.”
Mirkon smirked. “Yes, but only one on your person.”
Astarion’s face fell and he patted himself down. His mouth raised into the smallest smile. “Not bad.” 
Mirkon tried to look cool, but he burst into a grin and stepped back to rejoin the others. You handed the tools to Astarion who hid them on his person once again and took another sip of his wine.
Zaki reached into the boat. “Here’s what I got.” He held out an unmarked tin but one that you recognized as one of Astarion’s beloved hair products.
Astarion spat a bit of his wine. “Give that here,” he held out his hand and Zaki clutched the tin closer to his chest. 
“Why should I?”
“Um, Zaki?” You made eye contact with him and shook your head. 
Zaki sighed and handed it over to Astarion reluctantly. “Tasted terrible anyway.”
You laughed and Astarion sputtered. “This is NOT to be ingested, you twerp.”
“Weirdo man!” Zaki exclaimed in response.
“Oof,” you turned to Astarion, “that’s gotta hurt.”
The kids laughed. Astarion narrowed his eyes. 
He examined the contents of the tin to see how much was left. When he saw that not much had been sacrificed, he sighed in relief. “This is a fine hair product from a particular salon in the Upper City that I was able to snatch while on the road. I only have the one container, if you must know.”
You turned back to Zaki. “Well done,” you clapped for him. “It’s like you stole his baby.”
Zaki blushed and smiled before Doni stepped forward.
He made a small noise and held out a hairbrush. 
Astarion gasped and snatched it from Doni quickly. “This was actually on my person during the Nautiloid crash.” He held it close to his chest. “I had it hidden away, how’d you find it?”
Doni responded with another unintelligible noise.
Astarion looked at the other kids.
Arabella shrugged. “We try not to question his methods.”
You patted Doni’s arm. “Great job, Doni.”
He smiled and Arabella took his place. 
She held out a small coin purse. “Tah dah!”
Astarion bent forward to examine it closer. “Sorry darling, that’s not mine.”
Arabella smiled. “I know.” She loosened the string to the purse and emptied the contents into her hand. A substantial amount of coins fell into her palm. “But these are.”
Astarion gasped and felt around his person again. You and Mol laughed at the look on his face. “Har har, I’d like those back now, please.”
Arabella handed the coins back a little too eagerly.
Astarion rolled his eyes. “All of it.”
Arabella’s shoulders slumped and she reached into the pocket of her skirt, handing him another handful of gold. 
“Work on your poker face, darling.” 
Arabella pursed her lips but nodded. 
“Mattis,” Mol said, motioning for him to step forward. 
Mattis nodded and looked between you and Astarion with a smirk. 
He extended his arms, revealing a dagger in each hand. “Whoa,” you said cautiously, motioning for the other kids to step away. 
Astarion laughed. “Be careful with those, kid.” He knelt next to you, looking Mattis in the eye. He elbowed the tiefling gently in the ribs, but it was enough to shock him into loosening his grip. Astarion caught one of the daggers and expertly grabbed the other one by the hilt and yanked it from Mattis’ hand. 
Before Mattis could even register what happened, Astarion was back on his feet, sheathing the daggers through his belt.
You looked at him with a shocked expression. He raised an eyebrow.
“What? Oh please, I didn’t hurt the child, and now he’s no longer armed. You’re welcome.”
You turned to Mattis. “You okay, Mattis?”
Mattis rubbed his chest and nodded. He looked up at Astarion in awe. “You have got to teach me that.”
The other kids agreed and crowded the vampire. 
He laughed uncomfortably. “There are… so many of you.” He looked to you for help.
“Alright guys, let’s give floofy hair some space.”
“Floofy?” Astarion brought a hand up to his hair as the kids dispersed. 
Mol stretched her arms over her head. “Best for last, I suppose.”
She went to reach into the boat for what you had to assume was the lute Astarion had hidden away for you. What she pulled out made you audibly gasp.
You’d expected something tattered, nothing special. Something plucked from the road by someone who didn’t understand the intricacies and nuances of musical instruments, but you knew you’d be content to make due with it because someone you deeply cared for had taken the time to pick it up and take it home to you.
Instead Mol presented you with a lute that looked like it hadn’t even been played yet. It was crafted from rosewood, giving it a pinkish hue and its surface shined as if it were just polished. Delicate roses were carved into the face and the strings were coiled tightly along the neck. 
“Oh,” you breathed out.
Mol raised an eyebrow. “Okay there, hero?”
You shook your head to break the spell. “I- yes.”
Mol turned to Astarion. “And what does this one mean to you? You had it stowed away so carefully with all those pillows and rags. Must be pretty special.”
Astarion cleared his throat. “It’s um… a gift.”
Mirkon giggled. “For who?”
Arabella crossed her arms. “It’s a lute. Clearly it’s for the bard.” She gestured to you with a nod of her head. 
Mattis blew out an unimpressed breath. “I saw her already carrying one around the Grove. Some gift.”
“So what?” Mirkon argued. “I think it’s nice.”
“So do I,” you confirmed, looking at Astarion, who caught your eye then turned away sheepishly. You turned back to the kids. “Want to know something funny?”
The kids looked intrigued and nodded, a few of them giving “yeah’s.”
You leaned in to whisper loudly and placed a hand next to your mouth as if telling a secret. “He broke my other lute,” you pointed your thumb over your shoulder at Astarion.
He scoffed. “I did not!”
You tilted your head at him disapprovingly. “It’s your fault it broke.”
“I-” he tried to dispute you, but came up short and shut his mouth.
Mol laughed. “No wonder she wanted us to swipe your stuff. Although, seems kinda pointless now.” She handed you the lute.
It was a comfortable weight in your hands and you tested the sound. It would need a bit of tuning, but it was good enough for you to cast a minor illusion of fireworks around the kids, who all looked up in awe. You flipped the face of it up towards you and ran your fingers over one of the rose etchings. 
You turned to Astarion who was avoiding eye contact by drawing shapes in the dirt with the tip of his shoe. “Where did you find this?”
He looked at you and perked up, gaining an air of confidence that you usually saw when he was showing off in battle. “Found it on the Risen Road. Some poor soul perished with it hidden away in their belongings under a bunch of useless junk.” He examined his nails, feigning disinterest. “It was from the same horde where I found my hair product. I suspect some Upper City patriar accidentally stumbled into a pack of hungry gnolls on their way back to Baldur’s Gate. One can only imagine why they were all the way out here. But their loss was our gain.” He laughed airily. 
You stood and held your breath. “You’ve held onto this for that long?” 
Astarion deflated a little, caught. “I… may have been saving it for a special occasion.” He saw you move towards him. “Don’t be weird about this,” he warned, holding up a finger. “If you really annoyed me I was planning to give it to you and then destroy it. The look on your face would have been priceless.” He laughed again.
You ignored his deflection and took one of his hands in your own. “You’ve had this since before we-” you paused. “Since before last night.”
Astarion smiled softly. “I told you I liked you.” He looked away again when he asked, “But you like it?”
You bent forward to kiss his cheek. “It’s gorgeous. I love it. Thank you.”
“Gross,” Mattis moaned. “Can we just get our prizes now?”
You turned away from Astarion to face the kids again. “Right.” You clapped your hands together. “GALE!” You shouted, not bothering to turn your body in his direction, knowing he’d hear you anyway. 
Not even a second later, he misty stepped beside you. “Yes?” he asked. “How can I help?”
“Gale,” you said, your tone implying that you needed him to play along, “the kids did a great job of stealing from Astarion tonight.”
Gale furrowed his brow in confusion, but sensed the kind of answer you wanted. “Oh, that is most excellent news.”
You nodded and placed your hands on your hips. “I think we need to discuss their reward.”
“Absolutely,” Gale agreed. He motioned over to a patch of grass a little ways away, “Shall we?”
“Be right back,” you said. 
As you and Gale walked, you heard the kids talking to Astarion.
“So why do you have fangs? You some kind of demon?”
“My father was a bat.”
“Cool, can you fly?”
“No.”
Gale spun on his heel to face you. “So,” he started, “what’s going on?”
“Fair question. I wanted the kids to rob Astarion.”
“Sure,” Gale nodded. “Why?”
You shrugged. “Thought it would be funny. Didn’t think that far ahead.”
Gale nodded again. “Let me guess, you didn’t want them to actually keep the loot and now you need to satiate their desire for spoils of some kind.”
“You got it,” you confirmed.
He held a finger to his chin, lost in thought for a moment. “Alright. Play along.”
“Can do,” you said and followed after Gale back towards the kids.
“Why would I need echolocation if I’m not blind?” Astarion asked, exasperated.
“I don’t know!” Zaki shouted in the same tone. “You’re the one who’s half bat!”
“Tell me you can screech at least?” Meli asked.
Gale cleared his throat and the kids turned to face you.
“I don’t see no prizes,” Mol said, crossing her arms.
“An astute observation, Mol,” Gale agreed. “That’s because I’m going to summon your prizes from the Astral Plane.” Gale raised his eyebrows at you, talking out of his ass.
“Ooohhh,” you gushed, making what he said seem really impressive. 
“You’ve been to the Astral Plane?” Mirkon asked excitedly.
“Of course,” Gale lied.
Arabella cut in. “How do we know you’ve actually been?”
Gale chuckled. “How do you think we met our Githyanki friend?” He pointed to Lae’zel over his shoulder who was in the process of skewering watermelons with her greatsword as a few others watched.
The kids looked back at Gale, seeming to accept his reasoning.
Astarion rolled his eyes.
Gale rubbed his hands together, his fingers sparking with the purple glow of the weave. Something you suspected he was doing to try to further impress and convince the children.
“Who’s first?” he asked.
Meli was about to step forward, but Arabella stopped him.
“Doni got here first, he gets his prize first.”
Meli groaned. “I’m next, then.”
Gale smiled at the boy before him. “Well Doni, it’s Githyanki tradition that their most skilled warriors receive Crowns of Valor.”
You placed a hand on your heart, further playing along. “Gale! You can’t mean-”
“Oh, that’s right,” Gale nodded. “These young, intrepid adventurers deserve the highest of honors.”
You looked at the kids and raised your eyebrows. “That’s amazing!”
The kids shared excited glances and giggles as Astarion leaned in to you.
“To be clear,” he whispered, “Crowns of Valor don’t exist, right?”
“Correct,” you said through an unmoving smile. 
“And I knew that,” Astarion said unconvincingly.
Gale spun his hands through the air, the purple glow of the weave glowing brighter and brighter until a small, Doni sized crown appeared in Gale’s hands. It was of simple construction, made of tin with pointed peaks at the top, like the paper crowns you would make as a child. Then, Gale moved his hands some more and the crown molded itself into something similar to Lae’zel’s armor that you’d first met her in; polished silver with delicately raised patterns throughout, adorned with shining red jewels. 
“Whoa,” you said, genuinely impressed. 
Gale smirked and lifted the crown above Doni’s head. “I now bestow unto you the Githyanki Crown of Valor. Well done, lad.” He placed the crown on Doni’s head, who smiled widely and stepped back for the other kids to observe. 
They ooh’d and ah’d, a few even reaching to touch it, but Doni brought his hands up to the crown to keep it on his head.
Meli excitedly jumped forward. “Me next!”
One by one, the kids stepped up to receive their incredibly real and not conjured on the spot Crowns of Valor from Gale. 
“Thank you for the lute,” you said quietly to Astarion as the two of you watched the parade of children marching up to the wizard.
Astarion clicked his tongue. “I’m not sure you even deserve to keep it, given that you hired a bunch of children to steal it for you.”
You sighed loudly. “Just admit you were bested tonight and move on. I won’t think any less of you for it.”
He hummed in acknowledgement. “Don’t use this one as a club.”
“No promises,” you lifted the lute to mime hitting another imaginary bugbear. 
When Mol received her crown, the last of the kids to do so, Gale stood.
“Oof, the knees,” he muttered before rubbing his hands together to convey that his work here was finished. “Well then! I believe everyone has been thoroughly rewarded for their hard work.” He looked at you and winked. You mouthed a thank you.
Mol took off her crown and inspected it. “Hypothetically, how much could a Githyanki Crown of Valor sell for?”
You and Gale gasped dramatically.
“Why would you want to do that?” you asked, scandalized.
Mol rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Just tell us how much coin we’d get.”
Gale thought for a moment. “Hypothetically, if it were to be appraised, maybe about-” You elbowed him. “-a lot. Despite the absolutely priceless nature of the objects, you’d probably get a lot of coin.” He sounded pained to be saying such things.
“Excellent.” Mol said, examining her crown and then placing it back on her head. “Now,” she said, placing a hand on her hip, “do you need anything else from us? Or can we go? There are drunk adults to swindle.”
“Charming,” Astarion said flatly. 
You straightened. “Yes, you’ve all done an excellent job tonight and are free to go.” 
As the kids were about to leave, you stepped in front of them, blocking their path. 
“No more stealing tonight-” you said and a few of them groaned, “-but it’s fair game again when we see you next. Which will be in Baldur’s Gate when you’re members of a highly respected new guild.” You smiled at Mol who looked at you smugly and nodded. 
“Damn right!” she said proudly. 
The others buzzed with agreement and started dispersing after saying their goodbyes. You hugged Silfy, Arabella, and Mirkon, and waved to the others who promised they’d be careful on their journey to the city. 
You stood back and watched them go, flanked on either side by Astarion and Gale. 
Astarion examined his nails. “Those weren’t worth anything, were they?”
Gale shook his head. “Not unless transmuted tin suddenly gains a lot of value amongst merchants and traders. I’ve been gathering different alchemical items and ingredients all throughout our journey, and that tin that I used was actually from-”
“Ugh, stop talking,” Astarion interrupted. “I merely asked if they were worth anything in case I needed to nick one of them off one of the little roaches before they leave and we never see them again.”
“Astarion,” you whacked his arm lightly. “They’re just kids. And I’m sure we’ll see them again.”
“Whatever you say, darling,” he sighed.
“You could also just ask Gale to make you one if you want.”
“I’d be happy to-”
Astarion held up a hand. “And ruin this hair? I don’t think so.”
You looped your arm through his and watched as a few of the kids retreated into their makeshift headquarters for the evening, while a few others made a point of walking by Lae’zel’s tent first. It was clear they were trying to show off in front of her, but Lae’zel paid them no mind and focused instead on cleaning her greatsword of watermelon chunks. After a moment of them pacing back and forth in front of her, she leered at them and the kids quickly ran back to the temple, terrified she might stab them. Scratch and the owlbear cub chased after them.
You turned to Gale. “Thank you for coming to the rescue. I owe you one.”
Gale smirked. “Is it really a party if one isn’t rescuing their friend from the clutches of their own antics?”
Astarion snorted. “What kind of parties have you attended?”
“Well, I thank you for your quick thinking and skill with the weave.”
Gale puffed his chest. “I am rather excellent at magic, as I’ve said many times over. Though I fear what will happen once those miscreants try to pawn off those fraudulent crowns.”
You shrugged. “That’s a problem for future us.”
Astarion tsked. “Assuming they can catch us.”
You and Gale laughed. 
“I suppose that’s one way of looking at it,” Gale agreed. “I’ll leave you two to your evening. Let me know if you find yourself in any more trouble.” He nodded his head to you. “Good night.”
“Good night Gale,” you smiled as he walked back towards the excitement of the party where Karlach and Rolan were partaking in a loud drinking contest.
Astarion pulled you closer to him and squeezed your hip. “I still can’t believe you did that. After everything I’ve done for you.”
You smiled at him. “Ah yes, thank you for deciding not to kill me every day since you’ve met me.”
He pulled you into a kiss. “You’re welcome,” he said, muffled against your mouth. Unsurprisingly, he tasted of wine.
You pulled away and inclined your head towards Withers, still standing stoically nearby.
Astarion rolled his eyes. “I’m not even entirely sure he’s paying attention half the time, what with his distant stare and lack of meaningful conversation.”
“He called you my ‘bosom companion’ earlier.”
“He did what?” Astarion looked past you at the skeleton who made no move to acknowledge either of you. “I’ve barely had any time with her bosom yet, thank you.”
When Withers didn’t respond, you laughed and bent down to get a better grasp on your new lute. Astarion joined you, picking up his recently returned items and turning to face you. 
“Care to join me on a walk?” he asked.
You smirked. “This isn’t part of another plan to bed me, is it?”
Astarion laughed. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He made his voice low and gravelly.
Your face went red. “Aren’t you drunk?” you asked, deflecting his advances as the two of you started making your way towards Astarion’s tent.
“Ah, ah,” Astarion tutted, “I was only ever tipsy. And to be honest, I believe the last of it burned off when the one person I stupidly trust most for some reason, betrayed my trust and stole my things.”
“We got them back!” you argued. 
“Hmm,” Astarion hummed. “Perhaps we should break up.”
You gasped loudly. “How dare you!”
He smirked. “I suppose you’ll have to make it up to me.”
“Am I going to regret asking what you have in mind?”
“I can think of a few options,” he said as you reached his tent and he knelt to return his items to their proper places. 
You yawned. “Oh yeah?”
Astarion rose back up and looked at you softly. “Tired, darling?” 
You mentally surveyed how you were feeling. “I suppose I am.”
He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around your waist. “A side effect of playing hero for dozens of tieflings. Told you it wasn’t worth it.”
You rested your arms over his shoulders. “And it surely has nothing to do with my lack of sleep last night, does it?”
“I don’t know what you’re implying,” Astarion teased, kissing your forehead. “Go say your good nights.” He nodded towards the heart of the party where Karlach and Rolan were drunkenly singing an old dwarven drinking song. 
You looked at him curiously. “What about you?” 
“Trust me, my sweet, none of them are here to see me.” He tucked some hair behind your ear. “Even though I’m world-endingly beautiful.”
“I think you’ve mentioned that,” you teased. 
“They should count themselves lucky they even caught a glimpse.”
“Alright.”
“I mean, look at me.”
“I got it,” you laughed and pulled away from him, lifting your new lute one last time. “Will I see you later?”
Astarion furrowed his brow. “Do you truly think so little of me?”
You smiled shyly. “I don’t know, I’m still new at all of this.”
His expression grew soft. “As am I. We’ll get the hang of it.” His voice became flamboyant again when he said, “We are the most impressive pair in Faerûn after all.” Then he laughed brightly.
You laughed and turned to make your way to your tent to drop off your lute. “I’ll see you soon.”
“I await on baited breath, my love.”
~~~~~
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Unfortunately tumblr thought this piece was too long (fair) so I had to split it into two parts. The second part can be found here.
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kominigiru · 2 months ago
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im gonna start dumping my one-shots here from now on just bc. also posted on ao3!
satoru's guide to wedding day blunders
contains: female reader, fluff, crack, gojo being a menace, reader and toge are siblings, shoko and nanami being so done with satoru's shenanigans part 1 - part 2 (both in ao3)
Gojo Satoru is late to his own wedding.
You stand at the altar, fingers clenched around your bouquet, doing everything you can to keep from grinding your teeth. Shoko, standing to your right as your maid of honor, is shooting you sympathetic looks, while Nanami on the left looks like he's one deep sigh away from physically dragging Satoru here himself.
Your family sits in the front row, their faces showing various degrees of irritation, disappointment, and—worst of all—pity. They're whispering among themselves, making no effort to hide the glances they cast toward you, or the fact that they're annoyed on your behalf.
You close your eyes for a moment, trying to block out the noise. When you open them again, your mother is already halfway up the aisle, moving toward you with a determined look in her eyes.
"Sweetheart," she says, barely acknowledging Shoko and Nanami. "It's been over an hour. I think it's time to accept that maybe this wedding… isn't happening."
You stiffen, fingers going numb around your bouquet. Cancel?
Nanami sighs heavily, crossing his arms. "She has a point. Gojo's behavior today is completely unacceptable. It reflects poorly on him, and worse, on you. We can reschedule."
Shoko snorts in agreement. "Yeah, even I'm tired of waiting, and I'm not the one at the altar. Typical Satoru."
Your mouth opens, but no words come out. You don't speak often—as your Cursed Speech makes casual conversation risky—but the urge to say something now presses hard against your chest. Before you can figure out how to respond, you feel a tug on your gown.
You glance down to see your younger brother, Toge, standing at your side, his tiny arms wrapping around your waist in a comforting hug.
"Aniki's late," Toge mutters, his voice barely audible.
The way he says it tugs at your heartstrings. Even your usually patient brother is starting to lose hope.
Suddenly, with perfect, almost theatrical timing, the heavy church doors burst open, slamming against the walls with a deafening thud. You don't even need to turn around to know who it is.
"Sorry I'm late!" Satoru's voice rings out, loud and unapologetic, echoing through the silent church.
You finally turn, and there he is, Gojo Satoru, standing in the doorway like he's just walked in from some casual errand and not his own wedding. His hair is tousled, his sunglasses perched on top of his head, and he's grinning like this is all some kind of joke.
Satoru saunters down the aisle, waving casually at the guests. "Miss me?"
Your family collectively groans, and you can feel Nanami's simmering rage without even looking at him. Shoko rolls her eyes dramatically, muttering something about "classic Gojo" under her breath. You, however, stay rooted in place, fingers tightening their grip on your bouquet.
Satoru reaches the altar, looking perfectly at ease, as though he hasn't just kept an entire wedding party waiting for over an hour. He slides up next to you, his grin widening when he sees the expression on your face.
"Hey, sweetheart," he says softly, leaning in just enough for only you to hear. "Sorry about that. Had to deal with a curse situation. You know how it is. Life of a sorcerer and all that."
You stare at him, your mouth a tight line.
You've gotten used to Satoru's antics over the years, but even for him, this is too much. Still, speaking directly, even to scold him, could have unintended consequences thanks to your cursed technique, so instead, you breathe deeply through your nose and give him a pointed glare.
"Ah… right," Satoru says, catching on. "You’re upset. Understandable."
Nanami, who's been silent up until now, finally speaks up, his voice thick with irritation. "You're lucky we haven't already canceled the ceremony."
Shoko nods. "An hour late, Satoru? Even for you, that's ridiculous."
Satoru throws up his hands in mock defense. "Okay, okay, I know! But hey, at least I showed up, right? That's what matters."
You can feel the tension radiating from the entire room, but before you can think of how to express your feelings in a way that doesn’t result in your cursed speech accidentally knocking everyone unconscious, you feel a tug at your dress again.
You glance down, and Toge is looking up at you with wide, concerned eyes. "Tuna mayo," he says softly, which is his way of saying, Are you okay?
You crouch down slightly, giving Toge a reassuring smile and patting his head. It's a small moment, but it helps ground you. You straighten up, turning back to Satoru, who's watching the interaction with a sheepish grin.
"Look," he starts, "I know I messed up. Big time. But hey," he adds, flashing a grin, "You know you love me anyway, right?"
You stare at him for a long moment, taking in his disheveled appearance, his unshakable confidence, and his infuriating grin. Despite everything, despite the frustration, the embarrassment, and the whispers from your family, you can’t help but feel the corners of your mouth twitch upward.
Maybe it’s because this is so typically Satoru—unpredictable, chaotic, and yet, somehow, charming in his own way.
You take a deep breath and raise your hand to his chest, pressing two fingers lightly against him. It's a gesture you often use when you can't speak, one that means I forgive you, but don't do it again.
Satoru's grin softens, and he takes your hand, squeezing it gently. "I promise," he says, and for once, there's no teasing in his tone. "I won't mess up again. Well, not today, at least."
Nanami clears his throat. "We'll see about that."
Shoko shrugs. "Honestly, I'm just impressed you got here at all."
Toge, ever the voice of simplicity, tugs on Satoru's sleeve and mutters, "Okaka."
Satoru gasps dramatically. "Betrayed by a child! I thought we were family, Toge!"
Toge just crosses his arms, unimpressed, as you all share a quiet laugh at Satoru's expense.
Satoru turns back to you, his grin back in full force. "So, what do you say we make this official, huh?"
You glance at the altar, the officiant who's been waiting patiently, and then back at Satoru. Slowly, you nod.
Satoru's face lights up, and with a flourish, he turns to the officiant. "Alright! Let's get married before anything else decides to go wrong!"
As the ceremony finally begins, you can't help but feel a mix of exasperation and fondness swelling in your chest. Life with Satoru will never be predictable, but as you look at him now, standing beside you, you know one thing for certain: it will always be interesting.
And in his own chaotic way, you know that Satoru loves you—enough to show up late to your wedding but still make you smile in the end.
You squeeze his hand once more and and he chuckles, leaning down to kiss your forehead and whisper, "I love you, too."
Later that night, after the wedding reception winds down and everyone heads home, you and Satoru return to your shared house. You're still wearing your wedding dress, and he's got his suit jacket slung over his shoulder, looking as carefree as ever. He's been trying to sweet-talk you the whole way back, as if he hadn’t shown up an hour late to your own wedding.
"Come on, sweetheart, it wasn't that bad." He grins, nudging you with his elbow. "Everyone had a good laugh, right?"
You give him a sidelong glance, your silence speaking volumes.
"Okay, okay, maybe I pushed it a little. But hey, I made it in the end, didn't I? That's what counts!" He flashes his signature smile, the one that usually gets him out of trouble.
You pause at the front door, turning to look at him. For a moment, he thinks he's won you over. You're smiling, after all. But then, without a word, you toss him a single pillow.
Satoru catches it with a confused look. "Uh…what's this?"
You gesture to the pillow and point to the roof.
His smile falters. "Wait, wait, wait, hold on. You're not serious, right?" His laugh is nervous now. "You forgave me at the altar! We're good! We're married now!"
You shrug and head inside, but before he can follow, you turn around, blocking the doorway with your body. His eyes widen in panic.
"Come on! I can't sleep on the roof on our wedding night! People will talk! Nanami will find out and he will never let me live it down!"
Your only response is a raised eyebrow, and you slowly, deliberately, start to close the door.
Satoru jams his foot in the door with a dramatic gasp. "But I thought you loved me!"
You don't need cursed speech for this one. You give him a sweet, innocent smile—the kind of smile that would normally melt him on the spot. But tonight, it just spells doom for him. He knows that smile. It's the smile that means, "I do love you, but you're not getting away with this."
He groans. "Seriously? After all the curses I've fought, this is how I go down?" He leans his head dramatically against the doorframe, clutching his pillow like a lifeline. "Sleeping on the roof like a stray cat? Come on, babe, be reasonable!"
You sigh, your patience wearing thin. He's still whining.
With a subtle tap into your cursed technique, you say the words that you've been holding back all night. "Sleep on the roof tonight."
The power of your cursed speech echoes through the air, and Satoru visibly flinches. His body moves on its own, turning toward the roof like a puppet on strings.
"W-wait! No! I take it back! I take it back! You don't have to use that—"
But it's too late. His legs betray him, carrying him toward the roof with a dramatic flair, like he's being pulled by some invisible force. You watch as he scrambles helplessly, pillow tucked under one arm as he clambers up to his new "bed" for the night.
From the roof, you hear him groan, his voice tinged with betrayal. "But I'm your husband now! Doesn't that mean anything?!"
You close the door, letting out a small chuckle. Behind it, you hear him muttering to himself in frustration.
"Of all the things to use your cursed speech for..." he grumbles. "Could've just told me you were mad! But noooo, had to make me sleep outside on the night of my own wedding!"
You hear some shuffling from the roof, and then: "At least give me a blanket! It's cold up here!"
You open a window just wide enough to toss him a thin, scratchy blanket, watching it float up to where he's perched.
"Thanks," he mutters sarcastically. "This’ll totally keep me warm."
There's silence for a few moments before his voice drifts down again.
"I'm sorryyyyy!" he yells, his voice carrying through the night air. "I'll never be late again, I swear! I'll be early to everything! Our anniversaries, your birthday, breakfast—you name it! I'll never mess up again!"
You shake your head, smirking to yourself, knowing full well that's a promise he'll break within the month. But for tonight, the roof will teach him a lesson.
From the roof, you hear a long, pitiful sigh. "I thought married life would be more… cozy. Not like… this."
Finally, after what seems like an eternity of grumbling, he goes quiet, probably giving in to the reality of his situation. The stars twinkle overhead, and for a moment, all is peaceful.
Until—
"I bet Nanami's gonna find out and give me that look tomorrow." His voice suddenly perks up again, this time with a hint of dread. "You know the one. The 'I told you so' look. Ugh, I hate that look…"
You roll your eyes, closing the window fully this time, knowing that his whining will eventually tire him out. But still, you can't help but smile.
You know he'll be back to his usual antics by tomorrow, but for now, he can enjoy the roof.
As you settle into bed, you can faintly hear Satoru one last time from outside.
"You'll miss me eventually! No one can resist my charm!"
You smile into your pillow. Not tonight, Satoru. Not tonight.
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blueskittlesart · 1 month ago
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As much as I love Echoes of Wisdom, I do wish they made this Link a bit more visually distinct from the other chibi Link. Something to show he's new.
that's what fanart is for baby 👍 (i am also slowly but surely running out of ways to make visually distinct links ngl)
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thealmightyven · 6 months ago
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Podcast Episode ???: The Great Ship Debate (Part 3)
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(Credits to @2cypress, @kimi2bimi, and @koterkot for sticker ideas ❤️)
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kaiserouo · 10 months ago
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hello i've never played valorant, ooc warning
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frenchie-sottises · 8 months ago
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I finally have fully rendered refs of them instead of them being incompleted sketches that I do for a day and forget for the rest of the year.
Wasn't originally gonna give Bonnie a vest, but it worked a shit load better than I thought.
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deathricedrawn · 1 year ago
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nothing in it for me except a heart that's lazy
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apricote · 5 months ago
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meeting some other lesbians
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dangerpronebuddie · 7 months ago
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I've Fought Tougher Men (But I Really Can't Remember When) 3k
Eddie left Bobby to babysit his patient and stood beside Hen, handing her a fresh piece of gauze as a pretense. “There a problem here?” he asked, keeping his expression as neutral as possible. Hen smiled and accepted the gauze, trading it out for the bloodied one she had pressed against the guy’s cheek. “Nothing major.” “Damn right it's major,” Dick hissed. He batted Hen's hand away. “Hey.” Eddie snipped. “Keep your hands to yourself.” “You got no right to tell me what to do, boy,” Dick huffed, shaking a finger at him. “I have my reasons.” “Being a repressed boomer isn't a good reason to assault the people who are trying to help you, let alone jam broken glass into your friend's head,” Eddie scolded. He had a split second to wonder just how ruthless the scolding from Bobby would be before Dick punched him right in the eye.
Read on ao3
She's here!!!!! Don't ask me why 3k words took so freaking long 🙄. I'd just get a rhythm going, and then another fic idea would pop into my head. This has been in my drafts since December. But I'm happy to finally have it done and out of my hair!
And look at the stunning cover @ronordmann made me!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰
(Also, please be advised, there is some homophobia in this fic, specifically from the character Dick. It's not for very long, but please be careful 🥰)
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osarina · 5 months ago
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do u guys want civilian dazai to end happily or unhappily
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wikitpowers · 7 months ago
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WHAT IS THIS AND WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME?!??
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i am actually losing my shit what the hell
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suddencolds · 9 months ago
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The Worst Timing | [5/5]
we made it!!! part 5/5 + a mini epilogue (5.6k words) at long last 🥹 (aka the installment in which i remember that h/c has a c in it in addition to the h, haha.) [part 1] is here!
this is an OC fic - here is a list of everything I've written w these two!
Summary: Yves invites Vincent to a wedding, in France, where the rest of his family will be in attendance. It's a very important wedding, so he's definitely not going to let anything—much less the flu—ruin it. (ft. fake dating, an international trip, downplaying illness, sharing a hotel room)
The world comes back to him in pieces—first the wooden panels of the ceiling, the sloped wooden beams. The coldness of the room, the slight, monotonous whir of the air circulating through one of the vents overhead.
He’s leaned up against the wall, seated on the floor in the hallway, and Vincent is kneeling beside him, his eyebrows furrowed.
It takes him a moment to realize where he is. He had been about to head back to the courtyard, hadn’t he? He doesn’t have much memory of anything that happened after, but judging by Vincent’s reaction, he thinks he can probably guess.
“Hi,” Yves says, for lack of a better thing to say. 
He watches a complicated set of expressions flicker through Vincent’s face—relief, first, before it turns to something distinctly less neutral.
“You’re awake,” Vincent says. He turns away, for a moment. Yves notes the clench of his jaw, the tightness of his grip—his fingers white around Yves’s sleeve.
“Was I out for long?”
“A couple minutes.”
Yves wants to say something. He should say something. Anything to lighten the tension, anything to get the point across that this is all just an unlucky miscalculation, on his part. It really isn’t something Vincent should have to be worried about. 
“I’m sorry for making you wait,” he starts. Really, what he means is, I’m sorry for making you worry about me. “I promise I’mb fine.”
The look on Vincent’s face, then, is something that Yves hasn’t seen before. 
“Why do you have to—” he starts, frustration rising in his voice. He sighs, his jaw set. “I don’t understand why you—” He drops his hand from Yves’s sleeve, and it’s then when Yves notices the stiffness to his shoulders, the tension in his posture. He runs a hand through his hair, lets out another short, exasperated breath. “You’re not fine.” 
It’s strange, Yves thinks, to see him like this—Vincent, who usually never wears his emotions on his face, looks clearly displeased, now. 
“Hey,” Yves says, softly. He reaches out to take Vincent’s hand. Vincent goes very still with the contact, but he doesn’t say anything. “I—”
Fuck. His body seems to always pick the worst time for unwanted interjections. He wrenches his hand away just in time to smother a sneeze into his sleeve, though it’s forceful enough to leave him slightly lightheaded. 
“Stay here,” Vincent says, getting to his feet. “Lay down if you get dizzy again.”
Yves blinks. “Where are you going?”
“To tell the others that we’re leaving.”
Yves wants to protest. Dinner is already halfway over. It’s not as if the festivities are particularly strenuous. They’ll probably move inside after dinner, where it’s warmer.
But he thinks better of it. Judging by how exhausted he still feels, how much his head aches, it probably wouldn’t be wise to push it. 
“Don’t tell them about this,” he says.
Vincent’s eyebrows furrow. “What?”
“Aimee is going to worry if she finds out,” Yves says, dropping his head to his knees. He doesn’t want to look at Vincent, doesn’t want to know what expression is on his face. “Just—let them have this night. It’s—supposed to be perfect.” I really wanted it to be perfect, he almost adds. There’s a strange tightness to his throat as he says it, a strange heaviness to his chest.
He knows what it means. If, after he’s tried so hard to do his part, their evening still ends up ruined on his own accord, he’s not sure if he could live with himself after.
For a moment, Vincent doesn’t say anything at all.
“Okay,” he says, at last. “Just stay here.”
And then he heads down the hallway. The door at the end of the reception hall swings shut behind him. Yves thinks he should be relieved, but he finds that he doesn’t feel much other than exhausted.
The ride home on the shuttle is silent. Vincent sits next to him, even though all of the other seats are empty. Yves thinks the proximity is probably inadvisable. He opens his mouth to say as much, and then shuts it.
Vincent sits and stares straight ahead, his posture stiff, and doesn’t say anything for the entirety of the ride. It’s strange. Yves is no stranger to silence—Vincent is, after all, a coworker, and Yves has endured more than a few quiet elevator rides and quiet team lunches at the office, but it’s strange because it’s Vincent.
Vincent, who usually takes care to make conversation with him, whenever it’s just the two of them. Vincent, who stayed up through the lull of antihistamines a couple months ago to talk to Yves, until Yves had given him explicit permission to go to sleep.
Yves tries not to think about it. Through the haze of his fever, everything feels unusually bright—the interior of the shuttle, with its leather seats and metal handrails.
The shuttle stops just outside the main entrance to their hotel. Just before he gets to the doors, he stumbles. Vincent’s hand shoots out, instinctively, to steady him.
“Sorry,” Yves says, a little sheepishly. It’s not that he’s dizzy. The roads are just uneven, and it’s dark. “I can walk.”
But Vincent doesn’t let go—not for the entirety of the walk through the cool, air-conditioned lobby, through the hallways to the hotel elevators. Not when the elevator stops at their floor, not when they pass by the grid of wooden doors leading up to their room. 
Before Yves can manage to reach for his keycard, Vincent has already swiped them in, scarily efficient. He slides the card back into his pocket, pushes the door open. 
“Thadks for walking me back,” Yves says. “Sorry you couldn’t stay longer. You mbust’ve been halfway through dinner.”
“I already finished eating,” Vincent says.
“Even dessert?” Yves says. “I think Aimee got everyone creme brulee from one of the local bakeries. I was excited to try it. Maybe Leon can save us some.” he muffles a yawn into his hand. It’s too early to be sleeping, but his pull out bed looks very inviting right now.
“Take the bed,” Vincent says.
Yves blinks at him. “What?”
“The bed’s warmer.”
There’s absolutely no way he’s going to let Vincent take the pull-out bed in his place, Yves thinks blearily. He’s spent the past couple nights muffling sneezes into the covers—if there’s anything he’s certain of, it’s that he really, really doesn’t want Vincent to catch this.
“I dod’t think we should switch,” he says, sniffling. “I’ve been sleeping here ever sidce I started coming down with this. I’mb— hHeh-!” He veers away, raising an elbow to his face. “hh—HHEh’IIDZschH’-iEEW! Ugh, I’mb pretty sure I contaminated it.”
“We can both take the bed, if you’d prefer,” Vincent says. As if it’s that simple.
Yves opens his mouth to protest—is Vincent really okay with sharing a bed with him?—but then he thinks about Vincent finding him in the hallway—the stricken expression on his face, then, his eyes wide, his jaw clenched—and thinks better of himself. 
Instead, he lets Vincent lead him to the bedroom. The bed is neatly made—the covers drawn, the pillows propped up against the headboard.
“Lay down,” Vincent says, pushing lightly down on his shoulders. Yves sits. He peels off his suit jacket, folds it, and sets it aside on the nightstand.
“Hey, I kdow that was sudden,” he says, in reference to earlier. “I’mb sorry you had to witness it. I… probably shouldn’t have pushed it.”
Vincent says nothing, to that.
Yves lays down, shuts his eyes. “You didn’t have to accompady me home, you know.”
Silence. He exhales, burrowing deeper into the covers. “It’s not as bad as it looks, seriously.”
He opens his mouth to say more. He has to say something, he thinks, to convince Vincent that it’s really not that big of a deal. Anything, to assuage that look on Vincent’s face.
But he’s so tired. He can feel the exhaustion now that he’s finally let himself lay down. The bed is traitorously comfortable, with its soft feather pillows and its fluffy layers of blankets, and Vincent was right—it really is warmer.
He feels the press of a hand on his forehead, feels the cold, unyielding pressure. Feels gentle, calloused fingers brush the hair out of his face.
“Sleep,” Vincent says, firmly. 
And Yves—
Yves, already half gone, is powerless, when Vincent says it like that.
When he wakes, it’s just barely bright outside. He takes it in—the first few rays of sunlight, streaking through the curtains. The bed, a little more well-cushioned than the pullout bed he’d spent the past few nights on—higher up and decisively sturdier. He blinks.
Beside him, seated on a chair he recognizes as belonging to the desk at the opposite end of the room, is Vincent.
Vincent, awake. Yves isn’t sure if he’s slept at all. He certainly doesn’t look tired, at first glance, but closer inspection reveals a little more. It’s evident in the way he holds his shoulders, stiff, and perhaps a little tired, as if there’s been tension sitting in them all night. 
He’s reading a book. Whether he bought it at the convenience store downstairs, or on one of the other days when Yves was busy running errands for the wedding and Vincent was elsewhere, or whether it’d been sitting in his suitcase since the start of the vacation, Yves doesn’t know.
“How’s the book?” Yves says.
His throat is dry, he realizes, for the way it makes him cough, afterwards. Vincent’s eyes meet his, unerringly. He shuts the book, sets it down on the bedside table.
“It’s a little boring,” Vincent says. “How’s the fever?”
Before Yves can answer, Vincent leans forward and presses the back of his hand to Yves’s forehead. His touch is unerringly gentle, and Yves allows himself to look. 
Vincent’s eyebrows are furrowed, his eyes narrowed slightly in concentration, and Yves wonders, suddenly, if he’s been this worried for awhile, now. If he’s been this worried ever since he’d walked them both back into the hotel room last night.
“I’m fine,” Yves says. 
It has the opposite effect he intends it to.
Vincent’s expression shutters. “The last time you said that, you passed out in front of me,” he says, withdrawing his hand with a frown. “So forgive me if I don’t entirely believe you.”
Yves sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. It’s a fair point. “I’m usually more reliable whed it comes to these things.”
“What things?”
“Kdowing my limits.”
Vincent says, “I think you knew your limits. I think you just didn’t want to honor them, because you decided the wedding took precedence.”
He’s… frustrated, Yves realizes. Still. He’s sure he can guess why. Their fake relationship does not extend to Vincent having to look after him, to Vincent having to drop everything in the middle of a wedding, of all things, to take him home. To Vincent having to worry about all this—the fever Yves knows he has, now, and the bed he’s currently taking up—on top of everything else. As if being in a foreign country, surrounded by people he knows almost exclusively through Yves, who, for the most part, converse in a language he barely speaks, wasn’t already enough work on its own.
And Yves gets it. He hadn’t wanted this to happen, either. He’d told himself that if this—this pretend relationship, this pretense—is contingent upon both of them playing their part, the least he can do is be self-sufficient outside of it.
But now—because Vincent is here with him, and because they share a hotel room—all of this is now Vincent’s problem, too, by extension.
“Did you sleep at all last night?” he asks.
Vincent smiles at him, a little wryly, as if the answer is evident. 
“You gave up your bed just for me to steal it,” Yves says, in an attempt to lighten the mood. “It’s really comfortable, and all, but I’mb pretty sure they make these kinds of beds for two.”
“Is that a proposition?” Vincent says.
“Maybe.” Yves thinks it through. “Realistically, probably ndot, until I have a chance to shower.” He’s still dressed in his dress shirt and slacks from yesterday, a little embarrassingly—he should probably get changed. “Speaking of which, I should do that soon, so you don’t feel the need to stay up all night reading—” Yves leans forward, squints at the book cover on the nightstand. “—Hemingway? Somehow, I didn’t expect you to be the type.”
“I’m not,” Vincent says. “Victoire lent it to me.”
“Oh,” Yves says, trying to think of when Vincent would’ve had time to ask her for a recommendation. “Yeah. She’s—” He twists aside, ducking into his elbow. “hHEH’IIDzschh-EEW! snf-! She’s quite the literary reader. Is it really that boring?”
“I can see why people think the transparency of his prose is appealing,” Vincent says. “But I’m fifty pages in, and nothing has happened.”
“Isd’t that the sort of thing Hemingway can get away with, since he’s straightforward about it?”
“In a short story, maybe,” Vincent says. Then: “You are trying to make me feel better.”
Ah.
Yves laughs. “Where in the world did you get that idea?”
Vincent just sighs. “I would be exceptionally unobservant not to notice when I’ve seen you do the same thing all this week.”
“What?”
“Telling people that you’re fine,” Vincent says. “And distracting them when they don’t believe you.”
Yves doesn’t think that’s entirely accurate. It’s not like he was trying to be dishonest. It’s just that it was never the most important thing to address.
“Distracting is a bit disingenuous.”
“I don’t get it,” Vincent says, with a frown. “You’re so insistent on putting yourself last, even when you were obviously—” He sighs. There it is—that expression again, the one that makes itself evident through the furrowed eyebrows, the tense set of his jaw—frustration, and maybe something else. “You’re surrounded by people who care about you, so why not just—”
“There are plenty of things more important than how I’mb feeling,” Yves says.
“I don’t think that’s true.”
But of course it is, Yves thinks. A wedding is a once in a lifetime occurrence. An illness is nothing, in the face of that.
“I promised I’d be there,” he says, because when it really comes down to it, it’s true. He had no intention of going back on his word. “I didn’t want to be the one to let them down. Is that so hard to believe?” He reaches up with a hand to massage his temples. His head aches, even though he’s slept for long enough that he feels like it ought to feel a little better, by now. “It’s already bad enough that I had to drag you into this.” 
“You didn’t drag me into this,” Vincent says. “I came on my own volition.”
Yves tries a laugh, but it’s humorless. “I made you leave halfway through the wedding dinner.”
“I’d already finished eating.”
“Ndot to mention, you practically had to carry me upstairs.”
“Because you’re ill.”
“That’s no excuse.” Yves wants to say more, but he finds himself beholden to a tickle in the back of his throat—irritatingly present, until he concedes to it by ducking into his elbow to cough, and cough.
When he looks up, blinking tears out of his vision, Vincent isn’t looking at him.
“You should get some rest,” he says, simply.
Yves can tell—just by the way he says it—that there is no argument to him, anymore. Just like that, Vincent is back to being closed off—poised and perfectly, infuriatingly unreadable, just like he is at work, his face so carefully a mask of indifference, even in the most stressful presentations, the most frustrating disagreements. Yves wants none of it.
 “Hey,” he says. A part of him itches to crack a joke, to change the subject—anything to take away this air of seriousness. A part of him wants to reach out, again—to take Vincent’s hand, entwine their fingers; to reassure him, again, that he’s really fine.
“I’m sorry,” he says, instead. Maybe it’s the fever that loosens his tongue. Maybe it’s just a combination of everything.
He can feel Vincent’s eyes on him, still. Vincent has always held a sort of intensity to him, a quiet sort of perceptiveness. “I’m not sure I follow,” Vincent says.
“This visit was supposed to be fun for you,” he says. “And now you’re here, stuck in the hotel room because of me, even though today was supposed to be for sightseeing.”
It doesn’t feel like enough. What can he say to make it enough? There’s a strange ache in his chest, a strange, crushing pressure. Yves is horrified to find his eyes stinging. He’s held it together for so long, he thinks. Why now? Why, when Vincent is right here?
But a part of him knows, too. Of course traveling to a different country would be more involved than going to a party, or spending an evening at a stranger’s house. But there was a time when he thought this could really just be a fun excursion for the both of them—half a week in his family’s home country, with someone who he thoroughly enjoys spending time with. 
And now, because of this untimely illness—or because of his own short-sightedness in managing it—it isn’t. He didn’t get to stay through dinner, didn’t get to wish Aimee and Genevieve a good rest of their night, like he’d planned to. He has no idea if things went smoothly in his absence. To make matters worse, Vincent is here, having endured a sleepless night, instead of anywhere else.
And really, when he thinks about it, who does have to blame for all of this, except himself?
“I didn’t mean for it to turn out like this,” he says. “So I’m sorry.” He resists the urge to swipe a hand over his eyes—surely, he thinks, that would give him away.
He turns away. It’s convenient, he thinks, that the embarrassing sniffle that follows could be attributed to something else. 
“You’ve been nothing but accommodating to me, this whole visit,” Vincent says. “If anything, I should’ve insisted that you take the bed earlier. You haven’t been sleeping well, have you?”
He says it with such certainty. Yves opens his mouth to protest this—or to apologize, for all the times he must’ve kept Vincent up, including but not limited to last night—but Vincent presses on.
“You spent all of yesterday morning helping everyone get ready, and when I got back, you apologized for not being around—as if the reason why you weren’t around wasn’t that you were so busy making sure everything was fine for everyone else.” Vincent pauses, takes in a slow, measured breath. Yves is surprised to hear that he sounds… distinctly angry, in a way that Yves is not used to hearing.
“And then you showed up to the rehearsal and the wedding, even though you weren’t feeling well. And you still think you have something to apologize for? Are you even hearing yourself?” Yves hears the creak of the chair as he stands, the sound of quiet footsteps. Feels the dip of the bed as Vincent takes a seat at the edge of it. 
“You know, after you left the dinner table, Genevieve was talking about how much she liked your speech? Do you know that yesterday morning, Solaine told me how grateful she was that you helped her with fixing her dress? Do you know that when I got lunch with Leon and Victoire, they told me how much time you spent preparing for everything—the speech, and the wedding, both?”
Oh. Yves hadn’t known any of those things, and he knows Vincent isn’t the kind of person who would lie about this sort of thing.
“I don’t get it,” Vincent says, sounding distinctly pained to say it. “How could you possibly think that you haven’t done enough?”
Yves finds himself taken aback—by the frustration in his voice, by the fact that Vincent has noticed these things in the first place, by the fact that he’s deemed them important enough to take stock of. He makes it sound so simple. 
“I don’t know,” Yves says, at last. He shuts his eyes. “If it was enough.”
“I’m telling you that it was,” Vincent says.
But Yves knows that he could have done more, if the circumstances were different. If he hadn’t been so out of it during the wedding. If he’d taken the necessary precautions to avoid coming down with this in the first place. If he’d been able to stay through dinner, at least; if he hadn’t needed Vincent to accompany him home. 
“You don’t believe me,” Vincent says, with a sigh.
Yves doesn’t say anything, to that.
“I can’t speak for anyone else,” Vincent says. There’s the slight rustling of the covers as he shifts, rearranging one of the pillows at the headboard. “But I had fun.”
Yves’s heart twists.
It’s sweet, unexpectedly. “You don’t have to say that just to make me feel better,” Yves says.
“When have I ever said anything just to make you feel better?” Vincent says, with a short laugh. When Yves chances a look at him, he’s smiling down at himself. “I mean it. Meeting your family has been a lot of fun. It’s not often that I get the chance to be a part of something like this.”
Whether he’s referring to France, or the wedding and the festivities, or being surrounded by Yves’s large extended family, Yves isn’t sure. But if Vincent is trying to cheer him up, it’s working.
“I can see why you like France so much,” he says, turning his gaze out the window, though the view outside is filtered through the semi-translucent curtains. “It’s beautiful.”
“Today was supposed to be the last day for sightseeing,” Yves says, a little regretful. “But you’re stuck here.”
“In a sunny, luxurious hotel room, with a view of the pool and the garden?” Vincent says, with a scoff. “I could think of worse places to be.”
Staying up all night, just to check up on Yves, more accurately. Vincent must be tired, too—yesterday was already tiring enough. And now it’s morning already, and he hasn’t gotten any sleep. 
“Reading Hemingway,” Yves adds.
Vincent looks a little surprised. Then he laughs. “Yes. I guess you’re right. Perhaps it’s an agonizing experience after all.”
The yawn he stifles into his hand, after that isn’t half as subtle as he tries to make it.
Yves feels his eyebrows creep up. “Are you sure you don’t want to get some sleep? There’s plenty of room.” He scoots a little closer to the edge of the bed, just to make a point.
Vincent peers down at the space beside him, a little hesitant. “At 10am?”
“It’d be, what, 4am, back in Eastern time?” Yves says. “By Ndew York standards, you’re supposed to already be asleep.”
“That’s not how it works,” Vincent says, but he dutifully moves a little closer to Yves anyways. He’s changed out of yesterday’s wedding attire, more sensibly, but now he’s wearing a knitted cardigan which Yves thinks looks unfairly, terribly good on him. Yves finds himself marveling at the unfairness of it all. How can someone look so good wearing something so casual?
Vincent smells good, up close. When he lays down next to Yves, pulling the covers gingerly over himself—leaving a careful amount of room between them, but still dangerously, intoxicatingly close—Yves feels his breath catch in his throat.
Vincent is right there, less than an arm’s length away from him, closer than he’s ever been, and Yves—Yves is—
“See,” Yves says, as evenly as he can manage to, in his current state, as if his heart isn’t practically beating out of his chest. He swallows. His throat feels dry. “This bed definitely fits two.”
“I suppose it does,” Vincent says. “Now you can tell me if I’m a terrible person to share a bed with.”
“After everything I’ve put you through,” Yves says, “I think I’d honestly feel reassured if you were.”
Vincent smiles, again, as if he finds this humorous. “Are you sure you’re going to be fine?”
“Positive,” Yves says. “You should sleep. I’ll wake you if I ndeed anything.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.” Vincent shuts his eyes.
It’s not long before his breathing evens out, not long before he goes perfectly still. He must really be tired, Yves thinks, with a pang.
Yves, for some reason, finds that he can’t get to sleep. He stares up at the ceiling for what feels like minutes on end, shuts his eyes, all to no avail. Maybe it’s because he’s already slept far more than his usual share. Maybe it’s the jetlag. Maybe it’s merely Vincent’s unusual presence—the strangeness of having him so close, in an environment so intimate.
But when he allows himself to look, he sees—
Vincent, his eyes shut, his eyelashes fanning out over his cheeks. From the window, the filtered light gleams unevenly across the crown of dark hair on his head. There’s almost no movement to him at all, aside from the even rise and fall of his shoulders.
And Yves knows what the feeling in his chest is. He’s regrettably, intimately familiar with it.
He just isn’t sure he likes what it means.
Vincent—despite falling asleep so quickly—is up before him. When Yves wakes, next, it’s to a hand to his forehead.
“Hey,” Vincent is saying, softly. “Yves. You have a visitor.”
Yves opens his eyes.
He’s feeling—a little better, remarkably. Still feverish, still a little unsteady, but leagues better as compared to yesterday. When he looks over, he sees—
He doesn’t jolt upright, but it’s a close thing. “Aimee!”
He barely has a chance to ask before she’s crashing into him, encircling him in a tight hug. “Yves!” she exclaims, pulling back from him. “How are you feeling? Oh my gosh, when I heard you left early because you were unwell, I was so worried…”
Yves grimaces, turning away. “Sorry, I had every idtention of staying until the end—”
“You came all the way out with the flu!” she says. “I honestly can’t believe you. The fact that you still took the trouble to attend with a fever—”
“It—” Yves starts, but he finds himself twisting away, lifting an arm to his face. “hhEH-! HEEhD’TTSCHH-iiiEEw! Snf-! It’s fide, snf-! I’mb practically recovered already.”
“I should’ve told you not to push yourself when you told me you were coming down with something,” Aimee says, shaking her head. “And you stayed and gave such a lovely speech, even though you weren’t feeling well? When I was talking to Victoire after, she mentioned that you’ve been sick for days and Genevieve—you should’ve said something.”
“I’ll say somethidg next time,” Yves says, a little sheepishly. “Did the wedding go okay?”
Aimee visibly brightens, at this. “It was more than okay,” she says, her eyes gleaming. “It blew every expectation that I had out of the water.”
Aimee fills him in on everything that happened after he left, last night—dessert, the first dance, the cake-cutting; her favorites out of the photos they’d taken after the ceremony (a shot of Genevieve braiding her hair during the cocktail hour; a shot of them leaning in close, for the dance, tired but smiling; a shot of the cake with its multiple tiers, the frosting strung like banners across it; another where both of them are holding onto the cutting knife together and Genevieve looks like she is trying not to laugh; a shot of the bouquet toss, the flowers suspended in mid-air). She tells him about the conversations she and Genevieve had with others about marriage and their futures and their plans for their honeymoon.
Then she lectures him on how he should worry about his health first, next time. She tells him, in no uncertain terms, that she’s fully prepared to give him a piece of her mind the next time he tries to pull something like this. She insists that his health is more important than anything. Vincent stands off to the side the entire time, his arms crossed, passively listening in, but when Yves looks over helplessly, mid-lecture, he definitely looks a little smug. 
All in all, she doesn’t seem disappointed in him at all. And, more importantly, she seems happy. Yves finds himself relieved, at this.
Genevieve stops by, too, a little later, to thank him for the advice he’d given her the day before the wedding. She hugs him too, and she leaves him a bag of tea that she promises “is practically a cure to anything—I hope it makes your flight home tomorrow a little more tolerable.” Victoire stops by, with Leon, and Yves resigns himself to more lecturing from the both of them. It’s humbling, a little, to be lectured by his younger sister and his younger brother, though he concedes that perhaps this time, it might be at least partially warranted.
Then Leon opens their hotel fridge to show him the two creme brulees he and Vincent had missed out on, packaged nicely in small paper containers. (“Vincent told me you were interested in these,” he says, and Yves finds himself slightly mortified—but perhaps also a little endeared—that whatever it was that he’d said last night, offhandedly, Vincent had deemed it important enough to text Leon about.)
Later, after Yves showers and gets changed—when he and Vincent eat the creme brulees at the table in the living room, and Vincent tells him that he’s finished the book, perhaps a little masochistically (“it doesn’t get any better,” he says, sounding a little spiteful)—Yves finds himself smiling.
He’s happy, he realizes, despite everything that’s happened. Even with the slight headache, and the lingering congestion, the fever that hasn’t quite gone away entirely. The revelation comes as a surprise to him, at first. But when he thinks about the people he’s surrounded with, he thinks perhaps it isn’t all that surprising.
EPILOGUE
“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” Vincent asks.
“Yes,” Yves says. It’s not a lie.
This time, he’s seated right next to the window, and Vincent is in the middle seat. Yves had offered to take the middle seat instead, but Vincent had insisted(“If you wanted to sleep, you could lean against the window,” he’d said, and Yves had accepted only because it would be better to fall asleep against the window than do something embarrassing, like fall asleep on Vincent’s shoulder).
“It’s just the annoyidg residual symptoms, now,” he says. “I—”
God. He always has the worst timing. He veers away, muffling a tightly contained sneeze into his shoulder.
“hHEH-’IIDDZschH-yyEW! Snf-! I’mb — hHhEHh’DjjsSHH-iEW! Ugh, I’m fine. I feel better thad I sound.”
“Bless you,” Vincent says, leaning over to press his hand against Yves’s forehead. “No fever,” he says. “That’s good. But you should take another day off when we get back.”
Yves doesn’t think taking another day off is necessary. “I spedt the entirety of yesterday sleeping,” he says. “I think I’ve rested enough.”
Vincent just raises an eyebrow at him. “Need I remind you that someone very wise told you to take it easy?”
“Since when has Aimee been your spokesperson?”
“She made a lot of good points,” Vincent says, deceptively unassuming. “I think you should consider taking notes.”
Yves looks at him for a moment. “You’re laughing at me.”
This time, Vincent smiles. “Maybe.”
Yves leans back in his seat, reaching up with one hand to massage his temples. The changing cabin pressure is not exactly comfortable—his head still hurts a little, but he’s flown enough times to know that it won’t be as much of a problem once they finish their ascent. 
“Thadks again for coming,” he says, unwrapping one of the small, packaged pillows the airline has left on their seats. 
“You invited me,” Vincent says, blinking. “All I did was show up.”
But that isn’t true at all, Yves thinks. Vincent is the one who spent time learning basic French, who met Yves’s family and who spoke with everyone with genuine interest, who bought Yves medicine and water, all while being careful to not be overbearing. Vincent is the one who left the wedding early to walk Yves back to the hotel, who stayed with him the entire day afterwards.
“That’s such a huge understatement I don’t even kdow where to get started,” Yves says. “Thanks for meetidg my family—they love you, by the way. They’re going to be askidg about you every summer from now on, I just know it.”
He can already picture it—June, this year, after busy season is over, if their fake relationship lasts that long. Another flight where they’re next to each other. Another dozen conversations about how they’d met, about what it’s like dating a coworker, about what their plans for the future are.
Perhaps it’s wishful thinking. This was never meant to be a long-term arrangement in the first place. But something about this—about being here with Vincent—just feels so unthinkingly easy.
“It’s no problem,” Vincent says. “The feeling is mutual. I’m glad I got to meet them.”
“Thanks for looking after me, too,” Yves says, with another apologetic smile. “I’mb sure being stuck in a hotel room all day wasn’t how you were planning on spending your last day of vacation.”
“I don’t mind,” Vincent says, sounding strangely like he means it. “I like spending time with you.”
Yves nearly drops the pillow he’s holding. 
When he looks back at Vincent, Vincent looks faintly amused. “Is that so surprising? I think I’d be a terrible fake boyfriend if I didn’t.”
“You make a really good one, as it stands,” Yves tells him, sincerely, and Vincent smiles.
Yves looks out the window—where the city beneath them begins to resolve itself into miniature, where the sky stretches where he can see Vincent reflected faintly back at him, from the glass—and finds that he feels impossibly light.
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literallys-illiteracy · 1 month ago
Text
'Trans-ing' death; an essay of gender allegories:
Abstract (the fancy word for a tl;dr):
In media exists themes that are shared throughout media as a collective human experience. Within this collective, the extant concepts of death and rebirth are analogous with those of maturity, growth, and change throughout ones life.
The primary example that one may use is the correlation between the posited themes, and the shared experiences of many transgender persons and communities across the internet — Within this postulated "collective experience" that said communities share, their live's stories are correlated with those themes of death and resurrection. This association between a commonplace theme (death, rebirth) alongside its connotations in the collective unconscious of that community/humanity (change, growth), and the experiences that a particular group may endure, leads to a plausible correlation between media depicting major themes of change and the aforementioned transgender experience, whenceforth media depicting said themes may be interpreted as an allegory.
Trans allegories can take many forms in media due to the wide range of shared and collective experiences natural to humanity as a whole, alongside the wide range of symbolic events and ideas that can be strewn as allegorical in nature.
A primary example i will be drawing from in this overview is the Project Moon series, alongside various literary sources, if any section contains spoilers for its media, it will be noted in advance.
My philosophy regarding allegories, especially those relating to such a viscerally human (and thus diverse) topic, is that there are no wrong answers, in its essence, everything and anything can be an allegory, regardless of the intent of the author. The Death of The Author brings the "life" of the reader, allowing their creation to exist beyond its creator's confines (a concept which will be elaborated on).
In large my opinion has been impacted by the idea of "Yuri of Absence", also known as the "This Too is Yuri", wherein any element of struggle; any paradigm shift a character undergoes; any longing for themselves or another, for a better world; any journey that one's story encompasses, is inherently allegorical in nature so long as one may imagine it as such.
That's the preamble, now I'm going to go through different motifs and themes and how they can be used as or related to in this vein.
Death:
I have already written on this in the past, and i intend to write about it again in the future when discussing the concept of rebirth or life as an allegory of many sorts, however i want to note on it here because of how it acts as the beating heart of several other themes, separate but integrally linked to death in their nature.
Death is inherently a concept linked with change, it marks the ultimate paradigm shift in ones life — Death is an instinctually meaningful idea for all persons living, the idea that one day, one moment, there will be a time that the moments come no more.
Death does not end only in the death of a person however, the death of a country, of a title, of a group, of an identity, all encompassed by this same idea.
The concept of death, specifically linked to that of an identity, is one that is far from foreign to trans communities, the concept of a "dead-name", many referring to their past as a "previous life" or their transitioning as a "death" of whom they used to be.
Death, though initially a foreboading and overwhelming concept, does not conform to the strict consuming nature that many first feel it to be; In death comes the final rest, the moment at which sufferings, worries and all your sorrows come to an end. There is a comfort to be found in death, the comfort of knowing that your suffering is not eternal, that there will be an end to all things. In the chrysalis of death comes the end to your sorrows, your suffering, and crawls forth from the cocoon a stronger, happier person, able to fly freely with their newfound wings.
I have already used this as an example before and time again, the 'Funeral of Dead Butterflies' from the game(s) Library of Ruina and Lobotomy Corporation, but i feel it encapsulates the meaning of death far better than i have any capacity to.
“Until then, they flutter their wings uselessly. The wings that may have been many jumbled into one, or one split into many. Butterflies are supposed to pollinate flowers, but not a single proper flower blooms in this place. There is no choice but to wait. After all, there must be an end to every world.”
There will be an end to all things; no matter how suffocating, how eternally you think to be trapped, there will come a time for you to use your wings, to fly in a place where flowers bloom, to live as you should live, as you were meant to live.
Death in itself is an comfort, a dread, a beginning and an end. In death there is the knowledge of life, and that life is not defined by the present moment of suffering.
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As was alluded to in the above paragraph, the aforementioned concept integrally tied to death, is of course, the image of "life", as well as that of "rebirth" or "metamorphosis" — Life on its own does not inherently exist allegorically, but a coin cannot exist with only one side, invariably the motif of death will be linked to that of life, and as is said by many before "life carries on".
Metamorphasis:
Metamorphosis is an allegory of both life and death, ultimately summarised in the idea of "rebirth".
At the same time there are other implications that may be drawn from that of a "rebirth", those of which i will elaborate on when talking of Kafka's "The Metamorphosis".
However, i dont believe that i could do justice to this section better than the post which inspired its fully fledged inclusion (warning, 18+ blog, be warned)
You know. Romina instills such powerful thoughts within me... The burning sting of losing something, but the brilliant, twisted realisation that you can grow anew... Sometimes I fantasise about myself lying down to slumber... and as I sleep, my body begins to change. I feel as though ever since I have made the steps towards deciding I was trans, I feel like a bud. Pre-transition, I feel like a bud, waiting to bloom... This bud... Will transform... I fantasise about my body transforming, in a twisted, and beautiful way... I fantasise that my bottom half grows long, and takes the form of the torso and bottom of a centipede... A torso long enough so that I could be the one who cradles myself to sleep... So I can comfort myself... So I can have a form that truly feels special. A strange girl. A strange and monstrous girl, who draws both adoration and terror. Something truly beautiful...
-- @mossy-green-aka-ferrythemGreen, on 'Romina, Saint of the Bud' (Pictured Below) (Romina not mossy)
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As mentioned, i cannot do the same justice to this idea as she has, and i do not wish to try, so instead i am swapping to purely analytical for the time being.
As she mentioned in her post above, there exists the "burning sting of losing something", the grief of loss, death of your past life, where you look back at what could have been — Alongside this death comes the beauty of a second birth, of a new form, a new life, standing straight, looking forward at the newfound path in front of you, and continuing forth to every possibility that can be. Moving forward in this new life with the fearlessness to keep on living, leaving behind your past, the weight and sorrows that are bound to it.
Becoming a better you. Becoming You.
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And now comes the other half of this coin, the other plausible implications of Metamorphosis in an allegory.
As mentioned, I will be referring to 'The Metamorphosis" itself, and some other sources that are mentioned in turn.
[CW: mentions and references to Suicidal Ideation, Chronic Illness, Parental Abuse, Antisemitism (In the footnote)]
Keeping this somewhat brief as due to the aforementioned sensitive content: Kafka's The Metamorphosis, while open to being read as a trans allegory (from Gregor's physical changes and struggles adjusting to his new life) is a story about Kafka's own longing for death, his idea depiction of a slow deterioration and the effects that a chronic illness may have on those around oneself. Through Kafka's life, he wrote of his own death in extreme detail — While there is much more nuance than this, with context provided by Kafka's father's poor treatment, often punishing Kafka when he spoke out of line (such as when he told his father he wished to be a writer), however as to not turn this section writing purely about Kafka I wont be taking much more time for this topic.*
The Metamorphosis is a manifestation of Kafka's self loathing, his longing for death; Gregor acts as a surrogate, with a negligent family, and abusive father who "came hissing like a wild man" upon seeing Gregor come out of his room. Gregor's slow deterioration of both physical health and of his mind, through his emotional seclusion and neglect. The image of this transformation is most easily and clearly read as a burden, akin to that of a chronic disease: Gregor's decay is inevitable and constant through the story, being unable to do more and more things, losing eyesight, and suffering many injuries of mysterious origin, inevitably becoming an object and nuisance to his family, so much so that his death comes as a relief to those around him — I know many people who have shared this kind of thought, that if didn't suffer from their ailment, their restrictions and burden being both inescapable and irrespective of their actions.
A metamorphosis is not always representative of a change for the better, the irreversible, and undeserved changes that one can undergo in their life, which change it for the worst.
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.* Note that Gregor's depiction as a vermin carries more weight than mentioned, additionally being representative of Kafka's Jewish descent, with the Nazi Party referring to the Jews as "Lice and Cockroaches", and a common antisemitic phrase referring to them as "Insects of humanity".
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Other examples exist downstream of this concept, being that of change as a negative, notably Limbus Company's character of the same name, and Fromsoftware's Chaos Witch Quelaag.
To avoid confusion, Limbus Company's Gregor will be referred to as such, or as "bug guy", and Kafka's Gregor will be referred to as "Samsa"
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Gregor shares a similar story to that of his namesake, having an insectoid arm — LCB's Gregor exists as a direct allegory of disability, akin to that of Samsa's. Where the two differ is that Buy Guy's story may be read as a direct result of parental neglect or abuse, with the character 'Herman', whom genetically modified Gregor's arm in the past, referring to Bug Guy as her 'Son', whom she gave a lifelong burden to bear for her own gains.
Then Gregor, now Quelaag.
Quelaag may be taken as an allegory of better nature. I personally know many trans women who would want to look like this
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Quelaag's story is one of the same vein as the former two, being that of a parent's actions, and the lasting consequences on the children (and also using the same Insectoid/Arachnoid motif for trauma//Chronic illness?). This concept is extended in the review of "The Fair Lady", Quelaag's sister, who suffers deteriorating health similar to that of Samsa's: immobility, deteriorating eyesight and senses.
These themes exist as collective experiences and shared predispositions that a community, or humanity in whole, may have towards a certain concept. In this sense of collective human experience, one may find connection within the 'humanity' of stories; Within any given groups Conscious and Unconscious consensus exists keystone experiences that are innately, viscerally, human at their core — Death in a vacuum is not inherently connected with growth, with change, but through humanities perspective, our universal constant of growth, change, and, inevitably, loss, this "death" is personified, the agent of the end, of change, of entropy, all concepts which forthcome from humanities perspective.
If we continue to view this unconscious consensus as a latent, unseen paragon of these interpretations, of this integrally meaningful, 'Human' story; alongside it comes the understanding of not only yourself, but of your story, and the humanity present in these stories, in any story, in 'humanity'.
My message is fruitless if not for the understanding that whence these shared ideals come forth is an endless well of shared humanity, of the collective, unfiltered, beautiful, Human, experiences.
This is the first of a series, it will be continued in near future.
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