#inspired by The Mood when my alarm goes off (but worth it for all the sunrises i get to see)

[glassedplanets]

morning persons

[astaroth1357]

How Often They Worry about MC…

For those who don’t know, I have a little dog named Charlie and she is a large portion of my world. There's no need to be alarmed, my dog is fine, but there are days where I hold her and all I can think about is how much I worry about her health down the line… I suppose we often do that for the people we love, particularly the ones who may not last as long as we will. Take that as inspiration if you'd like.

Lucifer 

Near constantly. 

If you tracked his blood pressure on a grid, you'd see it start to continuously rise about when he decided they were worth having in his life.

Lucifer is the eldest sibling to a whole crew of brothers so he's no stranger to worry. He worried about his brothers when they were young, he worried about them after the Fall, and he still worries about them now (even if he's less open about it).

But a part of him knows that his brothers can handle their own, at least to varying degrees. The MC, though? He's far less sure…

They've proven rather resilient, but also headstrong and reckless. Neither of which are good things to be in a place this dangerous...

If Lucifer isn't careful, he can catch himself staring at a wall or window just wondering where they are and if they're doing alright… If he called them every time he had a passing worry, their inbox would be full by the end each week.

He holds himself back because he doesn't have the time to constantly protect them, but that doesn't stop him from sending a text once or twice a day. They better respond or he'll start (secretly) panicking.

Mammon

He forgets their mortality from time to time, but every time he remembers it hits like a ton of bricks…

Mammon is a pretty "in-the-moment" person. He doesn't spend a lot of time dwelling on the future, but whenever he does the thought of losing MC always comes back to him again and again.

Like. It's gotta happen eventually, right? They're human, humans die, hell they don't even live that long to start with!

The MC can always tell when Mammon's getting worried because he'll get uncharacteristically quiet and pace around or hover by them…

Every little injury or strenuous task will suddenly seem like too much to him as well. 

If they need to carry some boxes, he'll carry them all.

If they have to jog to class, he's carrying them. 

If they so much as get a papercut, he'll have a heart attack.

It's not very hard to get Mammon out of these funks - he really does want them to reassure him that they're okay - but he's never going to get fully over it…

Not until he can steal whatever top secret immortality formula Solomon must have used anyway… He'll get it off that bastard eventually.

Leviathan

Thinks about it so often he has to actively try not to just to get any peace…

He dodges his fears for MC like a protagonist dodges lasting consequences. Every time he feels one creeping up, he's always got a distraction waiting…

"Hey where's MC at? I hope they didn't fall into the riv-OH HEY CHECK OUT THIS NEW GAME!!"

"What are they doing over there…? That looks hard, what if they bre-WAIT DIDN'T MY FAVORITE VOICE ACTOR JUST RELEASE A NEW PODCAST???"

"What if the MC dies tomorrow and they leave me all alo-DEVIL FIGHT 200! YOU CAN'T BEAT DEVIL FIGHT 200, LET’S BREAK MY HIGH SCORE!!"

Cut him some slack, his psyche cannot handle the idea of losing them on top of everything else he grapples with every day.

If, on the rare occasion, he does let himself fall down that rabbit hole he becomes extra clingy and practically begs MC not to leave his room… like ever. He'd bubble wrap them if he could.

Anytime they get really hurt or really sick he refuses to leave their side even if it means he has to awkwardly sit on the floor. He just needs to be able to glance at them every so often to be sure they're alive… Still breathing?? Phew…

Satan

He worries, preps, rationalizes, then worries again…

For Satan, knowledge is power and every scrap of information he can learn about MC is more power he can use to keep them safe and healthy.

Yes, he will want their medical history. Yes, he's going to need a list of prescriptions. Family members too. And no, you do not get a choice.

He'll read up on as many things as he can - pawn medical journals off of witches and get magical alternatives from Solomon.

The cycle usually goes: 

1. He's lying awake at night because he just heard about some terrible bacteria that makes human's skin peel off or something.

2. He does all the research he can on this bacteria, its treatment options, best prevention methods, etc.

3. Gets right about to break out the rubber booties for MC to wear around, then realizes they have a very slim chance of catching said bacteria since it's only native to incredibly remote parts of Indonesia.

4. Feels instant relief that MC will probably not catch flesh-eating bacteria and can finally sleep again…

5. Hears of some other human medical horror from Solomon and starts to worry…

It's a vicious cycle indeed… But at least he's getting a lot of medical training. Soon enough he'll be the Devildom's version of a human vet (which I guess is just a doctor, come to think of it. 🤔)

Asmodeus 

Lives so "here-and-now" that he doesn't remember often, but when he does it's always heartbreaking…

Asmo usually tries to worry about things as little as possible. It’s bad for the skin, you know? But when the MC is involved, all of that goes out the window.

Like how a delicate blossom eventually wilts in the snow, the MC is bound to leave them in time… Usually there's supposed to be something beautiful in that kind of tragedy, but perhaps he's just too close to them to find any romance in it.

The thought of their death gives him breakouts and anytime they get hurt or sick he's the first brother to offer them comfort. Every time.

Because he doesn't feel like he's as physically strong as he brothers, he tries to make up for it by minding their health in other ways. Anything to keep his MC strong and beautiful as always!

If Asmo is in a worrying mood, then he may also compensate by trying to take the MC out to a party or some fun event. Why sit around worrying by himself when he could be making memories with them now, right?

Beelzebub

It comes in waves, mostly at night.

When your thoughts throughout the day are mostly, "I wish I wasn't so hungry," it doesn't afford you a lot of time to think about much else.

In a way, it's a good thing since he experiences a lot less stress. But those worries are still there and they mostly plague his dreams…

Beel doesn’t feel hungry when he's sleeping, so a lot of his fears will make themselves known overnight. An injured or dying MC is often in his rotation of nightmares though, of course, he'd rather it not be…

After having one of these dreams, his first instinct is to always make sure the MC is okay. If they're with him, he'll hug them and check their heartbeat. If they're somewhere else, he'll go to them or shoot a text.

He has woken up without realizing his nightmare was all a dream though, and usually it's up to Belphie or MC themselves to console him while he cries… It's so heartbreaking, sweet boy just puts a lot of pressure on himself to be sure they're safe…

When he worries, it's like they're the most beautiful and expensive China set in a room full of bulls and hammers. If he could tape them to his side, he probably would. He gets scared for them that much…

Belphegor 

More scared about it than anyone else in the House.

Despite his calm demeanor, Belphie is truly afraid of losing his loved ones beneath the surface… He's already lost one of his most dear siblings before, going through that again may just break him.

Unfortunately, he's also felt just how fragile the MC is firsthand... He's not even the strongest of his brothers, yet he was able to snuff them out so easily… Who's to say someone else won't try?

Like Beel, MC's death is a recurring nightmare for him but he can usually shake off his dreams fairly well, if not change them mid-sleep. More scary is when something is actually wrong with them or they're not feeling well.

Belphie always sets his inner laziness aside for the MC when he can. If they get sick, he'll usually be right along with his family to take care of them - even if he has to skip school to do so (not that he cares about class anyway).

When he's worrying about them, he tries to play it off at first, but soon enough they'll notice him acting overly concerned and losing sleep… Best to calm him down before he starts getting cranky.

[yslkook]

just like magic

pairing: house husband!seokjin x wife!reader summary: some moments of bliss with you and seokjin in your married life together.  word count: 11k warnings: cursing, alcohol, smut (oral f receiving, penetrative sex), suggestive content a/n: some of these moments are inspired by ariana grande songs, enjoy <3 ty to @cutechim​ for reading some of this!! AND THANK YOU TO HANA FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL BANNER IM IN TEARS

ONE. pov.

The faint golden glow of the early morning barely touches Jin as he rolls over to press his lips to your shoulder, where your sleep shirt has slipped down a bit. You’re still seemingly asleep, soft snores leaving your parted lips and your alarm hasn’t gone off yet.

It always goes off at the most opportune times.

He presses himself closer to you, molding his hips to yours and shoving his hand up your faded purple sleep shirt to palm your tits. You sigh happily, pushing back against him in your sleep.

Jin knows you’re close to waking up, if the quickness of your breaths is any indicator. You smile with your eyes still closed as he drops feathery kisses to your cheeks, your chin, your neck.

“I know you’re awake,” Jin rolls his eyes, his voice hoarse from just waking up.

“I’m sleeping,” You mumble, turning towards him and wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. Jin only laughs airily, dipping his head for a kiss to your lips.

“Wake up then,” Jin breathes. You can feel his half hard cock tucked in his boxers against your thigh already and you hum. It only takes a simple brush for you to buck your hips towards him, centering your bare core to his cock.

You hadn’t bothered with panties last night, after he had fucked you back to sleep. Despite the faint ache in between your legs, you wrap your leg around his hip and pull him on top of you.

“Thought you were sleeping.”

“My annoying husband woke me up,” You say, eyes still slick with sleep. Arousal rolls in your belly when he grinds into you lightly.

The pink haze of sleep begins to slip away as Jin kisses you deeply, with more urgency than before.

“Had to give you something to remember me by today,” Jin whispers, “It’s Monday, after all.”

“Don’t remind me,” You groan, rubbing your eyes, “This week is gonna fucking suck, baby.”

“Shh,” Jin says, pressing a finger to your lips, “We have, like, thirty minutes before you have to start getting ready for work.”

“Better make it worth it, babes,” You laugh and he squeezes your thighs. He raises his head, looking at you like you’re a meal and like you’re his queen.

His lips are heated against your skin, your giggles turning into soft moans of his name quickly. 

“Jin, baby,” You say, voice sounding muffled to your ears, “I have to be at work early-”

“Can’t even appreciate my wifey’s sexy bod,” Jin grumbles and you swat his shoulder, “God, I could eat this pussy out all day-”

“Saying sexy like that isn’t sexy,” You complain, “And you’re not doing anything, you’re just breathing on my clit- gonna give me an embolism-”

One look from Jin, a kiss and a few rolls of your clit with his thumb has you wet against his fingers- the man, your husband of three years, knows your body even better than you know yourself. He knows you better than you know yourself.

His mouth slips over your inner thighs, his hands tight around your hips to hold you in place as you buck your hips impatiently for friction. Jin is so handsome in the morning (well, he’s handsome all the time), but something about the puffiness of his eyes and the pink of his cheeks from sleep always has your pussy fluttering.

Your husband of three years, and your boyfriend for six years before that- he always has your pussy fluttering and your heart soaring. 

Jin swipes his fingers across your glossy folds, glistening just for him, and presses his mouth to your sensitive clit. His hands wander, squeezing your tits fondly, roaming over the hidden bites from the prior night easily. You widen your legs and carelessly throw them over his shoulders.

“Jin,” You whine, “I want you, stop teasing me-”

“‘M not,” Jin says, voice dripping with thick, honeyed desire, “I just, you know how much I love this pussy.”

“Yeah, you love my pussy more than you love me,” You tease, “Please-”

You cut yourself off with a sharp moan as his tongue flicks over your clit teasingly. Hooded eyes meet his dark eyes as his tongue delves deeper into your wet folds, and your thighs quiver almost instantly once he rubs your clit with his thumb.

You’re so sensitive. It’s how he likes you best. (He likes you sensitive, and he likes you in that tight dark green dress you’re planning on wearing to work today.)

Jin loves you in the morning, with the taste of the night before in between your legs. You end the night with him and start your morning with him- it’s all he wants. All he wants is something to remember him by during your inevitably busy days.

“I love you,” Jin mumbles, “My gorgeous girl. Sound so pretty when you cum in my mouth…”

He loves teasing you, loves making you beg for him. And this time is no different. A string of curses fly from your mouth, your back arching when you beg his name in broken noises. 

“Good morning to me,” You giggle lazily, pulling him in for a kiss.

“Good morning to my pretty wifey,” Jin hums and you push him on his back, straddling his hips.

Yeah. It’s your favorite type of morning.

TWO. love language.

“It’s Friday,” Jin mumbles, wrapping his arms around your waist as you pour two mugs of coffee for you both, “The weather outside is awful. You’ll get blown away, just stay home baby.”

You’re already dressed and ready to go into the office, eyeliner sharp and lipstick perfectly placed, but one look outside of the window has you reconsidering. You had already decided that you’d stay home and work from the dining table or the couch but you enjoy seeing Jin grovel a little too much. So you let him.

“When did you become a meteorologist,” You mutter, threading your fingers through his and squeezing.

Your calendar today is quite light. Only a few meetings, a few deliverables for you to provide. You’ve already decided that you’ll stay home and shower Jin with at much attention as you can, but he pouts against your neck.

“That’s the dream.”

“I thought the dream was being my husband.”

“That comes in a close second to being a meteorologist, and I think there’s a one hundred percent chance that you’ll be staying home today and giving me cuddles.”

You roll your eyes at him but can’t resist the smile that tugs at your lips. Turning in his arms and handing him a cup of coffee with a dash of milk and caramel coffee creamer, you lean forward for a kiss.

A crack of thunder sends you jumping in his arms and yelping, nearly dropping the mug to the floor but Jin grabs it before you can.

He knows you better than you know yourself. 

“I’m staying home, baby,” You say, “It’s not worth it. And I have a light day today so maybe…” You trail a finger over the thick vein in his neck and over his chest with a sly grin.

“So maybe we can take a nap together at noon,” Jin finishes your sentence for you with a gleam in his eyes.

“...Or that.”

Working from the dining table whenever you worked from home made you feel close to Jin. He’d flit around you, pecking you with kisses or a squeeze of your shoulder whenever he passed you, or telling you to get up off your ass if you’ve been sitting too long. But mostly, you just enjoy his company and working from home always puts you in a good mood.

Even if you have a designated office in the cozy townhouse you’ve been living with Jin in for two years now, you prefer the dining table for work from home days. You do use the office, if you really need to. But those days are few and far between.

You have about an hour before you have to log in, so you decide to make breakfast for Jin while he waters the plants upstairs. Usually, it’s Jin making you breakfast- he always makes it a point to have breakfast with you before you leave for work.

You’re happy to have a man who doesn’t resent you for being the breadwinner, as your family and friends had cautioned you of years ago. You had scoffed at them then, as if they knew anything about you or Jin. He’s happy to support you and be your biggest cheerleader and you’re his biggest cheerleader.

You had met in college, studying the same discipline and where you were passionate about it, he wasn’t. He had such a passion for life that was refreshing, and he brought out the best in you. Jin made you laugh, he made you love, and you both just worked so well together. Even on your off days, you both just knew each other.

You cut your avocado egg toasts in half and pour a glass of mango pineapple smoothie (Jin’s favorite) for both of you.

“Hey, honey,” You call when he pokes his head around the corner and see his fluffy purple house slippers, “Breakfast is ready.”

Jin kisses you in appreciation, pulling you closer to him by your waist. “Girl of my dreams making me breakfast, huh?”

“Shut up,” You swat his chest, “It’s too gross to take Bomi out, right?”

“Yeah, my baby is still sleeping in her bed,” Jin says, yelping when you pinch his waist.

“Your baby?”

“Oh, fine, our baby,” Jin rolls his eyes, “Was gonna take her to see Jimin and baby Jia today. Fucking storm…”

“Maybe they can come over this weekend, when it passes,” You hum, “We can make those lemon bars she likes.”

“We can do brunch with them? Have some margaritas and mojitos,” Jin suggests, tugging your hand to join him at the breakfast bar.

“I’m sure Sunmi would appreciate that,” You reply.

You both look up to the ceiling when you hear Bomi trotting out of her bed and at the top of the stairs. You stand at the bottom with open arms and she bounds towards you eagerly, nuzzling you with her soft nose and licking you everywhere.

“Hi Bomi, baby,” You coo and scratch her head, “It’s raining outside, we can’t go to the dog park today. You can hang out with Mommy and Daddy inside.”

She only looks at you with big, light brown eyes and pants in excitement. She slides out of your arms and stands in front of Jin, only to jump and cuddle into his lap. 

“You’re getting so big, Bomi,” Jin whispers, “Gonna tackle me over someday.”

“She could take you,” You tease and sit next to him, tickling Bomi’s jaw. You put some dog food into her bowl (that Jin made himself in his ceramics class that he took on a whim and also painted) and pour some water for her in her water bowl.

Bomi immediately jumps off to have her own breakfast. You can vividly remember when you and Jin had both fallen in love with her at the adoption shelter, almost three years ago now. She had seemed so scared, and you and Jin had approached her cautiously. You knew she had an instant connection (like you had, years ago) with Jin when she touched his paw and saw stars in his eyes.

You brought her home less than two weeks later, and she’s been your baby ever since.

Jin nudges your foot playfully. You nudge him back. 

“Got a long day today?” Jin murmurs after a bite of avocado toast. You wipe away stray avocado with your thumb and lick it for yourself.

“Nah, should be done around two or three,” You reply. Jin beams at you and kisses your temple.

“Don’t let me keep you,” You say airily, “I know you like working out in the mornings. I put protein powder in your smoothie.”

He rolls his eyes. As if you could come in the way of his meticulously crafted routine. Today, he was planning on working on the story he was writing, working out, and making lunch and dinner. He would be doing a little more, if the weather wasn’t working against him.

Jin loves the flexibility of his life, honestly. He loves being able to do the things he loves, while you do the things you love. And if that means him not technically having a stable job, and you bringing home most of the money, that’s more than okay with him. Besides, you’ve both come a long way from any insecurities that that might have brought. 

He loves that all of his joy for life also comes with you by his side.

That’s what over ten years of being together will do. 

***

“Baby,” You call from the couch, “Come here. I miss you.”

Your meetings for the day have finished and you have finished the bulk of your work, leaving the majority of your day free to finish up loose ends and send a few emails. This week has been filled with many early mornings and late nights, leaving both you and Jin yearning for the weekend and for more time with each other.

He comes to you with wide, puppy eyes and you beckon him forward. “Sit with me, honey. Please?”

Jin leans towards you, chin on your shoulder and chest to your back as he watches you type away. Your shoulders instantly relax with his touch and the comforting scent of his rain scented shower gel. He’s still warm from his shower and he wraps an arm around your waist.

It’s your favorite place to be.

“Is that woman being annoying,” Jin asks, “The one on your project for that document change you gotta make?”

“Nah, she’s been out this week,” You mutter, “I gotta have a heart to heart with her next week and tell her to stop railroading me every chance she gets.”

“Damn you’re so sexy when you get all mean,” Jin shivers dramatically and you laugh against him.

“‘M not mean,” You reply absently, clicking ‘send’ on an email and messaging your boss to have a good weekend. Bomi has woken up from her nap and joins you both on the couch, curling in your lap and dwarfing over your laptop screen.

“Bomi,” You chuckle and rub her back, “Silly girl.”

She only looks at you with wide eyes, happy that she has your attention. It reminds you a little bit of how Jin looks at you when he catches your eye. Jin leans over and takes Bomi from you and cuddles here in his lap. He turns around so his back is pressed against yours and his legs outstretched the other way. The warmth of him against you is welcome as you finish up your emails and sign off for the weekend as quickly as you can.

“Okay,” You murmur, “‘M done with work. Wanna take Bomi out for a walk with me? Looks like the storm stopped for the most part…”

“Sure, maybe I’ll finally get my kiss in the rain.”

“Yeah, and we’ll both get pneumonia,” You chastise him, patting his cheek, “Has Jungkook been getting in your head lately? Mr. Romance over there.”

Jin gasps in offense, “More like I’m getting in his head. Everything he knows about romance is because of me.”

“Okay, baby. Whatever you say.”

THREE. honeymoon avenue.

“I have two weeks of vacation left,” You muse, running your hands through Jin’s hair, “We should go to Phuket. We’ve been meaning to for years…”

“They say November is the best time,” Jin replies, peering over to the computer. Where you’re currently looking up flights and hotels to Phuket.

“November is next week, Seokjin.”

“Okay, and? Spontaneity is the backbone of long-term relationships,” Jin says matter-of-factly and dodges the inevitable swat to his shoulder.

“I thought trust, love, and respect is the backbone of long-term relationships.”

“That too. But really, it’s the fact that my hot wife wants to take me, her even hotter husband on a romantic getaway-”

“We should go,” You murmur, already thinking about the clear, pristine waters and white, sandy beaches. Not to mention the food…

“Baby, will you text in the groupchat? Ask if anyone wants to go,” You say, bookmarking beaches and places to sightsee. You already have a growing list of hotels and AirBnb’s that you want to investigate further.

“Not everyone is as spontaneous as us, sweets,” Jin says, “Peasants.”

***

In the end, only you and Jin end up deciding to go to Phuket. It was too last minute for your friends, especially for your friends with young children.

It’s just you and Jin in Phuket for a week. You had decided to leave Bomi with the dog sitter, as she hated flying and was terrified of it.  

By the time you both get settled in your Airbnb, you’re both bouncing off the walls with pent up energy. 

Phuket isn’t ready for the storm that was you and Seokjin.

***

“Sweets, you ready for dinner?” Jin calls from the bedroom, leaning against the headboard of the bed.

“Five minutes!” 

Jin rolls his eyes fondly, very well acquainted with how long it takes for you to get ready sometimes. Your eyeliner had to be just perfect, lipstick complimenting your eye makeup, your jewelry a statement but not obnoxious… The list goes on.

He scrolls on his phone impatiently, looking at the photos the dog-sitter sent of Bomi and then he lets his friends know what their plans were. They all excitedly ask for pictures and updates.

He’s already gotten quite tan since being here, and it’s only been four and a half days. Though most of the time during those four and a half days was spent at the beach, hiking, exploring, or sipping drinks at the beach bar.

Bliss. Seeing the way the sun glows on your skin and the way you beam at him without the stress of deadlines and responsibilities is a sight he’ll never tire of. If his photo album on his phone is anything to go by, it’s filled with candids of you and photos of you sprinkled in with the scenery and the food you’ve both been eating. 

You’ll try anything once, and Jin will, too.

Five minutes go by.

“I’m hungry,” Jin whines, finally getting up and leaning against the doorframe. His throat goes a little dry when you look at him with wide eyes, in the middle of applying your false lashes.

“Two minutes, baby, I promise-”

“I should eat you instead,” Jin says, eyes raking over your figure brazenly. You’re wearing a tight red dress with thin straps, and a thin necklace that he had bought you for your most recent birthday sits around your neck. 

“What a line,” You roll your eyes.

“It worked, didn’t it?” Jin says cockily, “Got you forever and always.”

“How romantic.”

***

You can’t deny the butterflies that you still get around Jin, especially when he looks at you like that over dinner. Like you’re the only thing in the entire world when his eyes are molten gold for you and you only. 

You won’t deny that the way he calls you his wife in that low, raspy voice sends a rush of something curling in your belly. You’ll blame it on the third glass of sam song that you’ve had. Jin himself is on his third glass of mekhong. His ears and the apples of his cheeks are flushed red from the alcohol. 

You want to pounce on him. Who does Seokjin think he is? His lips are bitten and a little red from chapstick. And from you kissing him before arriving at the restaurant for your reservation. The top two buttons of his shirt are undone, giving you a few of his collarbones and the necklace around his neck.

Your face feels hot. It’s probably the alcohol. Jin knows that look on your face. The one where you’re impatient. The one where you just want him and want him and want him. 

He’ll take care of you. He always will.

***

“My pretty wifey,” Jin murmurs, face buried in your neck as he rocks into you slowly. The hot, slow glide of his cock burns in the best way, leaving you sated and wanting more at the same time.

“My gorgeous girl,” Jin says and you whine, clenching around him. Your legs wrap around his waist and he groans, dotting your skin in kisses. He’s all around you, coating you in a pillowy haze. Your lipstick stains his lips, fading on his neck and his glistening chest.

“Can’t believe you did this for me,” He groans, fingers ghosting over your bare, sensitive pussy. (Yes, you’d gotten a wax before vacation. As it had been a while, and you wanted to see Jin’s reaction.)

“Fuck, Jin,” You sigh. You feel a little dazed, a little airy. “Feel so fucking good. You’re so… big, always feel so fucking good.”

Your clothes are strewn about in various corners of the Airbnb, both of you too hasty and impatient to get your hands on each other after dinner and a short walk on the beach. Honestly, you would’ve fucked him out on the beach if he allowed you to. The way the moonlight hit his eyes just made your brain shut off and think lewd thoughts of only him.

You’ve cum at least three times now, and Jin shows no signs of stopping. Truthfully, neither do you- you can keep up with him and he can keep up with you. It’s part of what’s made you both work so well.

“Good, baby?” Jin mumbles. He doesn’t give you time to answer before gathering you in his arms and sitting you up. Your tits are plastered to his chest, and you can’t help but snake a hand in between you both and playfully twist his nipple. The angle of his cock in you is deeper than before and you struggle to stave off the need to cum.

“Yeah,” You say faintly.

“What’s on the agenda tomorrow?” Jin asks quietly, slowing and stopping his movements. You whine again when he stops moving inside of you.

“Shh, baby,” Jin says, “Just wanna be with you like this. What’re we doing tomorrow?”

“Seriously?” You grunt, trying to get some friction on your clit but he halts your movements with a large hand on your hips. You pinch his nipple hard and he yelps. “You wanna talk about our itinerary tomorrow when you’re balls deep inside me-”

“Yeah, I gotta plan ahead,” Jin snorts.

“Um,” You mumble, trying to gain your wits about you, “The market. A-and the distillery, and then…”

“And then?” Jin purrs in your ear, nipping your earlobe. 

“And then the elephant sanctuary. Maybe Bangla road a-at night,” You reply, pressing your face into his neck.

“Good girl,” Jin breathes and you whimper into his skin, “My smart, wonderful, amazing wifey-”

“Wanna be your wife forever,” The words slip out of your mouth without you meaning to, as they usually do. Something about Jin calling you his wife like that sets you ablaze, makes you possessive for a man already yours.

“Good thing we’re married then, huh?” Jin jokes and you let out a breathless laugh.

“Baby,” You exhale, “Wanna cum. Wanna cum so bad, wanna feel my hubby’s cum-”

Jin groans into your neck, biting your clavicle lightly. “You’re so impatient,” He chides lightly.

“Will you move-”

“I told you to wait-”

“Fine, I’ll just,” You push him on his back roughly and press your palms to his chest and sigh happily when you finally get the friction you’re craving as you begin to bounce on his cock. Jin squeezes your hips, your tits and pulls you closer to him to mouth at your chest. He wraps a hand around your neck lightly as you try to keep your rhythm steady and your breaths stutter.

You ignore the burn in your thighs in favor of clenching around his cock and focusing on how full you feel.

Jin’s eyes are hooded, zeroed in on you exactly how you like them to be. He can sense when you’re beginning to get tired, holding your hips tightly and taking control over to slam his hips into yours. He stays focused on the way your lips part in a delicious ‘o’ and he pulls your face close to his harshly to capture your lips in a bruising kiss. You whimper into his mouth as he slams into you, his hips pistoning and your voice growing louder and louder.

He circles your clit, moves the same hand to your lips and pushes his thumb into your mouth and you eagerly accept his finger. Spit coats his thumb and he hums in approval.

You cum abruptly and unexpectedly, pleasure washing over you in waves at the simple clasp of his big hand around your neck. His cock is still throbbing inside you, pace relentless. Tears gather around your waterline from oversensitivity but you murmur for him to cum, you tell him how much you want his cum in you and he moans your name in your ear before emptying himself in your pussy.

“I love you,” You mumble, wrapping your arms around his neck and gripping his necklace lightly. He wipes any stray moisture from your eyes and kisses your forehead. 

“I love you,” Jin says hoarsely. Jin tries to pull out but you protest, wanting to lay with him for a few moments longer. At some point, you end up dozing off in his arms and Jin cleans you both up before tucking you into bed.

You feel the faint brush of his lips on your forehead and bury yourself into his side before you tumble into sleep.

FOUR. long days.

you.

You woke up this morning with a migraine (truly one of the worst ways to wake up). Despite taking medicine after it became too excruciating to bear and increasing your water intake, your head was still throbbing nearly twelve hours later.

Not to mention, everyone at work was grating on your last nerve. It seemed that everyone wanted a piece of you today and you were getting pulled in a million different directions. You didn’t even have time to do the things you needed to do.

The only people who you were able to speak to without feeling like ripping your hair out were Namjoon and Jungkook. Even they told you that you should probably go home early, since it looked like you were about to pass out. Namjoon offered to call Jin to pick you up, but you refused quickly.

Being in your office was making your migraine worse. So by 3 PM, you pack your stuff up and head out without bidding anybody goodbye. 

Your feet ache, your head is pounding, you’re hungry and you could absolutely scream. You rest your forehead on your steering wheel before pulling out of your parking space with bleary eyes. Your suit feels stifling today, and it feels difficult to breathe.

You want Jin, you’ve wanted Jin since you arrived at work and everything went to shit. But you can’t bear to listen to a single sound over your speakers so you just wait until you get home.

***

“You’re home early,” Jin says, looking up at you from his glasses at the dining table. You say nothing, only dropping your backpack to the floor and climbing into his lap tiredly.

“Oh, honey,” Jin murmurs, kissing your hair and rubbing your shoulder. Your eyes are closed and you hum into his neck. 

“My head hurts a lot,” You say quietly into his skin, “Today sucked.”

“Let’s go get you changed, honey.” 

Bomi follows both of you upstairs, sitting in her bed as Jin changes you out of your work clothes. He starts with your suit jacket, peeling it off easily and hanging it back up in your closet. Then, he pulls your button-up from the waistband of your pants and unbuttons your shirt slowly, pressing a soft kiss to your skin with each button that comes undone. Jin easily unclasps your bra, letting his fingers trail over your skin, before pulling one of his shirts over your head.

You’re already feeling a little better.

Jin pushes your pants down your legs and taps the back of your thighs so he can pull your favorite sweatpants up. “Gotta take your makeup off, baby.”

You make a noise of acknowledgment and allow him to take you to the bathroom, where he gently washes away the remnants of your day (after he washes his hands).

After he moisturizes your face with a tender touch, he pulls you into his chest for a long hug. His hands roam your back from under his shirt and you sigh.

“Can we nap,” You mumble, eyes already closing.

Jin nods and carries you to bed, making sure to draw the curtains closed to envelope you both in as much darkness as possible. He tucks you in before stepping away for a minute, but you’re already being beckoned towards sleep. “Baby, take medicine,” Jin murmurs, holding two pills and a glass of water in his hand. You sit up with a wince and do as he says.

“Good girl,” Jin says, cradling your cheek and crawling into bed with you. Jin turns on his side and drapes himself over you. He smiles when you sigh contentedly and he kisses your hair, coaxing you further into sleep with a few rubs of your belly.

Your soft snores fill the room and Jin only hopes you wake up feeling a little better.

***

jin. 

Jin can’t seem to knock this metaphorical wall down, no matter how much coffee he chugs, how long he sits in the home office, how long he stares at his laptop screen.

Writer’s block. What a pain.

He runs a hand through his already messy hair and catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looks like shit- bags under his eyes, fatigued, zapped of energy and motivation.

But he has a deadline coming up in the next few months and he has absolutely nothing to show for it. He had had success with his first short story, but he’d called it beginner’s luck. Then came the second story, and the third. 

And now here he is. Riding on the coattails of his initial success. Maybe this is how far his mild talent would take him. Maybe this is all he can put out into the world. 

It was nice while it lasted.

Jin huffs loudly. He knows you’d scold him for thinking such thoughts, for wallowing like this. You’d kiss him, murmur words of comfort and tell him that you believe in him.

He wants you, he wants you to hold him. A sudden wave of sadness and inadequacy washes over him.

Jin will just wait for you to get home. Until then, he’ll lay in bed and wallow in self-pity. Just how he likes.

***

You know something is wrong when Jin doesn’t reply to your texts after a few hours or send you a silly meme, or a corny joke as he usually does. He could be busy, but you just have a feeling.

So when you come home to see Bomi and Jin cuddled in bed, you only softly sigh. Jin rarely takes afternoon naps- it’s clear he’s upset.

“Jin?” You murmur, “Everything okay, baby?” You kneel on the floor of the side of the bed he’s facing and push his hair from his eyes. Jin blearily looks at you with fatigue in the lines of his face.

“No,” He says, voice muffled, “Lay with me? But take your outside clothes off.”

You bite your tongue, wanting to say “when have I ever laid in bed in outside clothes” but you refrain. You quickly wash up and change into comfy clothes and slide into bed to wrap your arms around his waist. You press your nose to his neck and drop a kiss there.

Jin relaxes immediately in your hold, finally able to get his mind to stop going a million miles a minute. Your hands are soothing and gentle around him, you wrap your legs around his to cocoon him in your embrace.

“Wanna talk about it, baby?” You murmur, dropping a kiss to the back of his ear.

“I just,” Jin sighs, “This story. I feel so stuck, and they want the first draft in a few weeks and I have nothing- I mean, what if this is it. This is all I could put out into the universe and… I felt like I was finally doing something great, something I loved. I felt like I was finally getting started-”

“Oh, sweetheart,” You coo, “It’s scary doing something amazing and feeling like you can’t replicate the same success. Or the same quality end result. Maybe you just need a break, honey. For a few days. And I’m sure if you ask for an extension, they’ll understand. You have so many words in this pretty head, baby. You have so many stories to tell.”

Jin turns in your arms, his eyes a little wet. You cup his cheek tenderly and he leans into your touch.

“You work so hard baby,” You murmur, “You’re so hard on yourself. Be patient with yourself.”

“I love you,” He mutters, pulling you in for a hug, “I love you. Even if you did wear outside clothes in bed, I love you.”

FIVE. nasa.

Falling in love with Seokjin came naturally- you had met him in one of your shared college classes in undergrad during your second year of college, and had become acquaintances that way. It had taken you longer to become real friends with him, but it hadn’t taken you long at all to realize how attracted you were to him.

You wanted him and he wanted you, as he drunkenly told you over shitty vodka shots at the bar that your mutual friends were celebrating their twenty-first birthdays at. He was so shy at the time, he still is sometimes, that you could understand how much it took for him to admit it to you. Whether it was out of intoxication or not. Of course, it had taken some time for you to get your shit together with each other. But the rest was history.

College sweethearts. You can still remember what it felt like in the beginning, how he made your heart grow ten sizes in your chest and made you feel like you were in the clouds. You can remember because you still feel it now, over ten years later. Give or take.

You remember your friends and your older cousins telling you that it wouldn’t work- that you were two very different people. You were too uptight, you didn’t take risks, you were not Seokjin’s type at all. Sure, maybe it seemed that way on paper. But the more you knew him and grew to love him, the more you felt like he was the missing piece of your puzzle.

You’ve long let go of the doubts of people around you. And it was even more bothersome that your own friends and family questioned your judgment. Because his friends and his family loved you. They sang your praises whether you were present or not, and his friends and family had slowly become your friends and family, too.

It made you happy beyond happy.

But there were some times when you and Jin were not on the same wavelength, and today was one of those days. You both fought here and there, like any couple did. But it had been a long time since you both fought like this.

You were both spending the day at the park with Bomi and then furniture shopping for a new coffee table. Jin had been inspired to redo the decor in the living room and you were basking in his inspiration. 

But the morning had first started with you spilling your coffee and subsequently breaking your mug when it had slipped right out of your hands. You had then cut yourself on one of the sharper pieces after ensuring that Bomi was in her crate so she wouldn’t get hurt because of your stupidity-

Jin comes bounding down the stairs with panicked, wide eyes when he sees you pouting and holding a cloth to your hand. He looks down at the spilt coffee and the broken pieces of your mug and sighs.

You clean up the broken pieces with Jin and he checks your hands and feet afterwards. He helps you bandage your hand up, even though it’s a superficial cut. “Clumsy,” Jin snorts, “You’d lose your head if you didn’t have me.”

It had been such a small thing, but then a few other small things started adding up. Bomi peed on the rug before you had left for the park.

And to top it all off, Jin’s shoulder has been bothering him more than usual. His shoulder pain has been flaring up over the last few months, and despite your attempts to coax him into physical therapy or at least a doctor’s visit, he stubbornly refuses to. Something about it just being a part of getting older, or something.

Every time you try telling him to see a doctor, it ends in a minuscule fight and Jin shuts the conversation down. You can’t understand what the big deal is. Maybe there’s something more going on, something he’s not sharing with you.

This morning is one of those days that his shoulder is aching more than it usually does. You offer to drive to the park, but he grits his teeth and tells you that he can handle it.

You let it go for now.

At the park, Jin relaxes considerably, running around and playing with Bomi. There are some other dogs around so you and Jin let Bomi play with them, chatting with the other dog parents around you. Bomi is still getting used to being around other dogs, so you’re both happy to see her meshing well.

Bomi begins to tire herself out, curling at your feet and panting. Indicating that she’s tired and thirsty. Maybe a little hungry.

“Hi Bomi baby,” You coo, “Want some water and treats? Come, baby.”

“Wanna head out soon? We gotta check out the furniture store still,” Jin murmurs to you and you nod. He seems impatient, tapping his foot against the grass but you say nothing. 

You rub his back fleetingly once Bomi finishes her treats and you carry her leash in your hand, your other hand in Jin’s. He’s tense, eyes narrowed in concentration and you think you know why. You think his shoulder is bothering him and he’s being stubborn about it. 

You put Bomi in the backseat, stopping Jin from getting in the driver’s seat for a second. “Hey,” You mumble, taking your hands in his, “I’ll drive-”

“No, I’ll drive,” He says it with a note of finality and you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“I know your shoulder hurts, love,” You try to say as gently as you can, “Let me do it.”

“I’m fine,” Jin insists, stubbornness dripping from his tone, “Get in the car. I’m fine.”

You huff, rolling your eyes. The car ride is quiet, tension filling the spaces between you. You want to say something, you really do. But you don’t want to upset him further when he’s driving.

But then you see him wince and groan softly in pain with his hands on the steering wheel.

“Seokjin, pull over,” You say a little firmly. A little annoyed that he let it get this far. 

“I can’t just pull over,” He hisses, “Besides, I’m fine, I’ll get us home-”

“We were supposed to go to the furniture store,” You roll your eyes, “But you’re right, pull over so I can drive us home. And I’m calling the doc once we get home-”

“No!” Jin exclaims, “I’m not fucking pulling over-”

“Why not? I’m literally telling you that I’ll drive! Baby, please-”

Jin rarely ever loses his patience with you, but today is just one of those days. “You should’ve fucking driven then,” He somehow has the audacity to say.

“You’re joking right? I told you multiple times I would drive,” You refrain from raising your voice, “You won’t call the doctor, you won’t see a physical therapist. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“Leave it alone! You’re supposed to fucking leave it alone,” Seokjin says, not holding back the irritation on his tongue. The hoops on his ears dangle and bounce when he looks at you quickly.

He ignores the hurt on your face and watches it transform into anger.

“Alright, I’ll just fucking leave it alone, since you’re doing such a great job of taking care of it yourself,” You mutter.

“Don’t- don’t scold me under your breath,” He says, more like yells, “A-and quit nagging me about it, fuck!”

The irritation in your belly vanishes quickly, hiding behind your hurting heart. You turn away from him, facing the passenger side window so he doesn’t see your eyes beginning to water. 

Jin sighs, already realizing his error. You hate when anyone raises their voice at you, much less when it’s him. Shit. He has to fix this, but damn, you can be pushy when you want to be.

You sniffle.

“I’m sorry,” Jin says instantly, “Baby, I’m sorry I yelled.”

“Just drive, Seokjin,” You sigh, wiping your eyes.

So you both sit in silence.

***

“Baby,” Jin begs, “Please, baby, say something.”

“I don’t know what to say,” You mumble, his words ringing clear in your head. You had put Bomi in her bed, as she had somehow fallen asleep despite you and Jin arguing.

So now you’re both standing in the living room, looking at each other sadly. “Can I hug you?” Jin asks, walking towards you with outstretched arms. He dwarfs over you but you stand limply in his arms, your own arms hanging awkwardly at your side.

“Baby,” Jin pleads with you, cradling your cheek.

You’ve had worse fights with him in the past. But you knew him, you knew he wouldn’t lash out like this normally.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” You say bluntly, “And don’t lie to me and say everything’s fine. This isn’t just about your shoulder, so what is it?”

Of course you’d know that he was hiding something. You’re his other half after all, so he shouldn’t be surprised.

Jin sighs, rubbing his face tiredly. “I just…” He whispers.

“Tell me, baby,” You say reassuringly, hand on his chest, “It’s just me.”

He squeezes his eyes shut to gather his thoughts before opening his mouth and giving himself the chance to hurt your feelings again. “I just...I feel like I have no reason to get sick. To be in pain, I mean, what am I doing? I’m just at home, anyway-”

“Seokjin,” You murmur in a hushed whisper, “You’re not just at home-”

“I just feel- inadequate sometimes lately,” Jin says, his eyes wide and vulnerable, “I feel stuck and like… unsettled. I just want to be a husband you can be proud of. I’m sorry I yelled at you in the car.”

“Honey,” You cup his face with love in your eyes, “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out together, okay? You can tell me anything, when you’re ready. I hate pushing you to open up but sometimes you just need it, baby.

“I’ll always be proud of you no matter what. You are my dream babe, so supportive and loving and I always feel safe with you. If you want to work again, we’ll figure it out. If you want to write something else, we’ll figure it out. I’ll always be proud of you, but I want you to be proud of you, too. I love you.

“And you can make it up to me with dinner,” You joke, pulling a laugh from him.

“I’m really sorry,” Jin says, pulling you in for a proper hug. This time you reciprocate and hold him close. 

“I know, love,” You murmur, “I know.”

SIX. question and answer.

Seokjin had quit his job about two years before you both had gotten married. He’d been dreaming about finally putting his dream of being a true storyteller to the test, and you had supported him. You’d read through his drafts and his manuscripts and encouraged him to pursue it full time. After all, you made enough to sustain you both and then some. And it’s not like he wasn’t making any money at all- he did freelance work with his writing for the most part. 

He was good, he was more than good. He was great. Jin was a natural born storyteller, knowing exactly when to focus on details and when to zoom out and focus on the big picture. The way he wrote his stories genuinely felt like he was spinning words out of gold thread when you read what he wrote.

And he’d blush, the tips of his ears going red, when you said that to him with such conviction because you meant it.

Jin would get his big break soon, you were sure of it. But honestly, Jin was content like this. Freelancing his work, writing and keeping up with his new ideas and stories. It was one of the greatest gifts of his life, he thinks.

You and Jin are both content with your lives. You both find new ways to excite each other and new ways to fall even deeper in love with each other. It’s funny because your wedding hadn’t really even been planned. You both would have been content to exist as boyfriend and girlfriend until the end of time, but the idea of being his wife and of him being your husband was too mesmerizing for you both to let go of.

Neither of you wanted anything big or flashy. In fact, the way Jin had brought it up had been over breakfast (which in itself was so very him)-

“I wanna be yours forever,” Jin says bluntly, syrup at the corner of his mouth.

“Is that a proposal or are you just saying that,” You tease but his eyes are serious.

“Do you want it to be a proposal? I know we’ve talked about marriage and how what we are now is enough for both of us. I know you love me and I know I love you. But… god, I want to be your husband. I want you to be my wife.”

“Okay,” You shrug, “So let’s get married.”

“That’s it?”

“Does it need to be any more complicated?” You ask, “Like you said. I already know I want to be with you forever. Let’s make it official. Besides… I wanna be your pretty wifey. Don’t you want that?”

And that was that. You told your parents and he told his parents that you’d be getting married in court, and they had respectively scolded you both for not telling them before or planning anything. But nevertheless, they still came and they were witnesses at the court wedding. Only a few friends had come (you’d only invited a few)- the guys and some of your girls. 

Jungkook had cried along with your mother.

You and Jin at least had a small get together with your friends and family to celebrate a little bit. Your parents were a little miffed that they didn’t have a chance to have an elaborately planned wedding for their eldest daughter, but they knew you. They knew you wouldn’t have wanted all of that.

“At least they told you and invited us to come,” Your brother says, rolling his eyes at your mother.

But it’s inevitable that for the last few years, the question of whether you both would ever grace your respective parents with grandchildren comes up repeatedly. Your parents are harder on you and more incessant than Jin’s parents are.

Many family gatherings have ended with you losing your temper with your parents, specifically your mother and your aunts. Your patience runs out quickly with them and Jin knows it. It’s part of the reason why you’ve been distancing yourself from your mother and aunts- it’s exhausting and tiresome to keep having the same conversation. Jin has been witness to your frustrated tears one too many times to count. First, they’d bug you about when you and Jin would get married. And now, they bug you about when you’ll have children.

You and Jin are happy right now. Neither of you had explicitly decided that you didn’t want kids. You’re both just taking it easy. And your family can’t seem to understand that.

Of course, you’ve both talked about kids together. And you’ve thought about whether you were meant to have kids extensively. Truthfully, you never really saw it becoming a reality.

But again… not right now. Maybe later. Or maybe not ever. The decision will come when it comes. It’s been years, and your feelings haven’t changed one way or another.

Your mother says you’re too laid back. Which is funny, because when she met Jin for the first time, she told you that you were too uptight for him.

Jin’s family doesn’t push either of you. His mother treats you like her own daughter, and for that you’re grateful. You’ve heard stories from friends about shitty in-laws, and you’re glad that Jin’s family is your own family.

The Kims are having a small party on this gorgeous summer evening- you and Jin are in attendance, along with his brother, his brother’s wife, and their two kids, and a few of Jin’s aunts, uncles and cousins.

Jin seems to sense that you’re both about to get ambushed by his mother and his aunts in the kitchen after drinks and dinner before you do. You stand closer to him, subtly squeezing his hand in yours. He grips your hand and squeezes back.

At least he’s with you, and you don’t have to fend for yourself, you think dryly.

“You ladies got something to say?” Jin says, his jaw starting to tick. He’s getting upset and you rub your thumb over his hand.

“We only want what’s best for you,” His mom says with a sigh, “You’re both getting older, when will you have kids-”

You swallow a lump down as your throat goes dry and the urge to cry overwhelms you.

“Stop,” Jin warns, his voice low, “We’re not doing this. Not here, not now.”

“We haven’t said anything for this long,” His aunt complains. You want to melt into the floor. 

Are you the problem?

“Do you want a trophy for minding your own business?” Jin says, glaring at his aunt, who cowers with the heat in his stare. You can’t find your voice, so you let Jin speak for both of you.

“Don’t speak to your aunt like that,” His mother scolds Jin but he’s not having it.

“I will, if any of you speak to my wife and I like this,” Jin hisses, “We’re leaving.” 

Jin squeezes your hand and you refuse to let go of him. Your vision is blurry from unshed tears and Jin notices. You manage to hold it in while you grab your purse, until you get to the car and let a few tears fall before shoving your face into his chest and sobbing.

“I know, baby,” Jin sighs, rubbing your back soothingly, “I’m sorry. Let’s go home.”

***

“I don’t know what to say,” You mumble into his chest. You had both immediately changed into night clothes to cuddle in bed, with Bomi in your arms.

“I’m tired,” Jin sighs, “Tired of them asking. Tired of everyone asking us.”

“I’m sorry,” You say, looking up at him, “They’re our family.”

“Doesn’t mean they get to be the way they are,” Jin rolls his eyes.

“I know,” You reply, “I’m running out of things to say to them. We’re gonna push everyone away if we keep this up.”

You say the last part jokingly, but you both know it’s a very real possibility. It’s becoming harder and harder for you both to give them the benefit of the doubt, to say that they only ask out of their own good intentions. It’s beginning to hurt you more and more.

“Maybe they need to be pushed away,” Jin mumbles, “If it means getting some peace of mind and not feeling like this whenever we see our families, maybe it’s worth it.”

“Maybe.”

A beat of comfortable silence.

“Do you want kids?” Jin asks bluntly, “It’s been a while since we actually talked about it. Just want to make sure nothing has changed.”

“No, not now,” You murmur, “Maybe someday. It’s such a hard question to answer. I don’t want to say no definitively but I don’t want to say yes definitively either… Do you want kids?”

“Maybe someday,” Jin echoes, “We can revisit in a few months. Or next year. Whenever we feel like it. Because it’s our decision.”

“Your mom is right,” You sigh, “I am getting older, you know. If we do want kids, we should seriously start thinking about it soon.”

“There are other ways to have kids,” Jin says pointedly, “When we’re both ready. Not because we feel like we have to.”

“Okay,” You say softly, “I love you.”

It’s that simple and that’s that. (For now, at least.)

SEVEN. together.

As you and Seokjin had tumbled out of your late twenties, you both found yourself preferring boozy brunch to nights out. At least with boozy brunch, you could recuperate during the day so you weren’t hungover for the entirety of the next day. 

That’s not to say that you didn’t enjoy a night out every so often with your friends. You liked going out more than Jin did, even when you were in college. 

So it was no surprise that at Taehyung’s boozy birthday brunch, you were well on your way to being drunk and Jin was, too. It had been a long time since you had seen your friends- it really only feels like you see each other for birthdays or big events. You miss the days of college, when you could see each other at the drop of a hat. It never felt this busy even in the years right after college. In the early years, even though most of them were younger than you and Jin, it still felt like there was more time.

It makes you feel nostalgic. You hear Jungkook teasing Jin (as he often does) and Jin dramatically responding. His cheeks are flushed red, the flush creeping down to his neck.

God, he looks so good.

You tear your eyes away from him when Taehyung’s girlfriend calls your name. She asks if you want to dance and you immediately say fuck yes, and stand up with her and with Sunmi to head to the dance floor with two drinks in your hands.

 You can feel Jin’s eyes on your backside- you know you looked good. The pink crop top you had chosen for brunch was tight around your chest and you know these dark wash jeans and short heels (coincidentally your favorite) made your legs and your ass look fantastic.

Not that you didn’t look fantastic at all hours of the day. But you like being reminded that your man cannot get enough of you.

You’re careful with your drinks, ensuring that not a single drop is wasted while you dance with your friends. It’s been a long time since you’ve been able to let loose like this, and it makes you happy to be surrounded by friends that you love.

Sunmi’s hands are on your hips as you throw your head back in loose laughter. You’re vaguely aware of someone taking selfies of the three of you. Mostly, you can feel Jin’s lazy gaze on you, and a few other eyes as well.

You’ll give your husband something to watch, alright.

***

Somehow, it’s only 3 PM when it feels like it's 11 PM. And somehow, Taehyung is eager to go to the club at night, after an afternoon of reckless drinking. You and Jin exchange a wordless look, already knowing where your head is at. 

“Yah… just let us know where the pregame is,” Jin says and Taehyung beams at him, “We’ll take a power nap until then.”

You feel bad that you and Jin probably won’t be going out, but you don’t want to dim his excitement. And honestly, knowing your friends, they’d all hype themselves up after an entire afternoon of drinking only to crash, pass out, and order in to chill.

“I don’t really wanna go,” You complain once you’re both in the comfort of your home, changed and ready for a nap.

“Jungkook told me that they’re all crashing anyway,” Jin says.

“Besides, I wanna blow you when you wake up,” You say sleepily.

“Why not now,” Jin whines, “Look at me, I’m already half hard. Help me.”

“I’ll puke on your dick if I suck you off right now.”

“Not like it hasn’t happened before-”

“Seokjin!” 

“Ugh, fine,” Jin says dramatically, “I’ll just suffer then.”

“Okay, then perish.”

EIGHT. self.

Jin likes lists. He’s a big fan of crossing things off of his lists (which he keeps in his planner and his journal depending on what he makes lists for), and there are very few things as satisfying as completing a task from his list.

He’s a huge stationery enthusiast, only allowing both himself and you to use materials that he deemed satisfactory. He’s recently come across the magic that is washi tape, thanks to Namjoon.

Today, he’s taking Bomi out for a walk and to the nearby dog park, then he’s going to outline some new story ideas in his notebook (to later add to his drive on his laptop), and then he’s visiting baby Jia and Jimin with Yoongi and Holly. 

Inspiration seems to be flooding through his pores these days, and he’ll ride that wave for as long as he can.

After seeing Jia and Jimin, he’ll stop by the grocery store and restock some on veggies, spices and meat. Routinely, you and Jin switch on who makes dinner for the week. You do enjoy cooking (it’s your time to decompress) but you’ll gladly admit that your man cooks better than you. 

He claims that his secret ingredient is love. You think it’s because he’s more patient than you. 

Sunday mornings at least twice a month are spent baking with Jin. You both like trying and making new things together. Sometimes it comes out great, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Jin also picks up some of your shared favorite snacks, two new bottles of wine to try, and a bag of clementines.

***

Initially, the quiet of the house without you felt a bit stifling at times. And once Bomi came into the picture, it became a little more lively. And then Jin had taken some plant recommendations and tips from Namjoon. He takes care of them meticulously, and you even have two succulents on your office desk that Jin had surprised you with.

And then you had surprised him with a record player with a few vinyls of his favorite albums and artists. 

You both had made it a home project after purchasing the record player to build a sturdy, wooden audio rack together. Of course, it had taken months to finish (and if you had called Jin your sexy lumberjack husband and taken photos of him posing with the table together, then that was your business).

Jin puts some music on the record player before taking Bomi’s harness off and letting her stretch her legs. He puts the vegetables and the meat in the fridge and fills up a glass of water (as well as Bomi’s water bowl).

Maybe he’ll put a candle on and work from the couch. 

Jin usually prefers working in his house with music faintly playing in the background. But sometimes, he likes working with Yoongi in his studio. Somehow, the feeling and sound of Yoongi working on his own music puts Jin in the right headspace to write and get his words on paper. 

Jin puts his head down and loses track of time as he types away, tapping his foot to the music in time with the beat. Bomi curls up to his side and rests her head on his thigh.

It must be about two hours later, when his phone starts ringing. It’s Hoseok calling and Jin picks up instantly, knowing that he’s been having a tough time recently. Hoseok had taken the week off to get his thoughts sorted, and it’s clear that he wants (or needs) some company. So Jin tells him to come over and he warms up some leftovers and prepares some snacks.

Hoseok and Jin end up lying in bed together, under the duvet with Bomi in Hoseok’s arms. Jin turns the music up, as it’s comforting to hear in the silence. He doesn’t push him to talk, unless he really wants to. Eventually, with a sigh, he does. 

It’s almost disconcerting, seeing the pull of Hoseok’s lips into a sharp frown. He’s usually so happy, and smiley, sunshine personified. But he is only human and he is not immune to hard days and generally feeling this way.

Jin only holds Hoseok close to him as he tells him how he’s been feeling the last few weeks. Months really. The words stumble out, forcing their way out of his throat (and some tears do, too).

Jin only rubs his friend’s arm reassuringly and listens.

***

You find Jin and Hoseok tucked away in your bed and you’re sure to be quiet and light on your feet when you arrive home from work. You let them have their time together, only saying hello to them when you arrive and start preparing dinner with a glass of wine in your hands.

“You don’t-” Hoseok protests, and you hold your hand up before he can even finish his sentence.

“Stay for dinner, Hobi. It’s been a while,” You murmur with a soft smile, “Besides, Jin got new wine and we’d love to try some with you.”

So he stays, and you see him smile genuinely for the first time in a long time.

NINE. to the nines.

“I love being your arm candy,” Jin murmurs into your ear when you both walk into the swanky hotel together, “Because I’m the only 11 in the room.”

“You’re so full of it,” You roll your eyes, swatting his chest playfully. Truthfully, you enjoy these events so much more when Jin is with you. You can hardly stand being in the room with these many people from work when you don’t have to be.

But being with Jin makes things like this bearable. Enjoyable, even. 

It’s the director’s retirement party, and nearly everyone at the company is here for the party. You spot Jungkook and Namjoon with their respective significant others near the open bar and immediately make a beeline for them.

“Hey,” You murmur, giving them each a tight hug, “You all clean up very nicely.”

“Yah! You didn’t even tell me that when we left the house,” Jin pouts and you roll your eyes. Again.

A lie, and you both know it.

“Let’s make a drinking game out of this shindig,” You mutter and everyone looks on with interested eyes, “Every time you see your boss-”

“You don’t need to make a drinking game outta it,” Jungkook says, wrapping an arm around his date’s shoulders, “We’re already tipsy-”

“Of course you are,” Seokjin rolls his eyes, “Wouldn’t expect anything less-”

“Don’t come for me, I know you both took tequila shots before getting here-”

You leave Jin and Jungkook bickering and walk with Namjoon and his date to the open bar. 

“What do you two feel like having,” You muse, “Let’s get this party going, everyone looks like they’re wasted or like they’d rather be anywhere but here.”

“Should we be networking,” Namjoon muses, taking a look around the ballroom.

“I only network from eight to five pm on weekdays and after that I need a six month notice in advance if I’m being forced to network,” You say flatly, “Let’s just enjoy, Joon.”

“If you say so, boss,” Namjoon grins good-naturedly at you. You hand out your respective drinks, beckoning Jin towards you and have a quiet cheers together.

You’re happy to be with your friends, and with Jin, even if it’s a work event that you have an unspoken obligation to attend.

***

It appears that Taemin does not quite see the ring on your finger- or he sees it and he willfully ignores it. Or it’s the alcohol and he’s just being far more flirty than usual. Either way, you take it in stride and dip out of the conversation as soon as you can to make your way back to Jin.

Who had been watching the whole interaction with amused eyes.

“Are you jealous?” You ask with a sugary grin.

“Yeah, definitely,” Jin rolls his eyes, “Jealous that your coworker caught five minutes of your time. Should I go rough him up?”

“I love when you protect my honor,” You wink at him, rubbing his chest absently, “It’s so sexy.”

“I love you,” Jin says abruptly, “I’m proud to be the person on your arm, you know that?”

“Yeah,” You say dreamily, “I love you.”

You and Jin end up finishing the night with Jungkook, Namjoon and their dates at a nearby pizza place. Even if you look out of place in fancy formal wear, none of you pay it any mind.

Neither you nor Jin particularly prefer PDA, but you can’t help but lean your head against his shoulder when you start to yawn. You’re struggling to stay present in the conversation and Jin’s warmth next to you is pushing you closer and closer to sleep.

You end up dozing off without realizing it, and Jin adjusts himself so that your head is comfortably resting on his shoulder. Everyone is sure to keep their voices down since you’ve fallen into a deep sleep apparently, and once everyone’s finished with their food Jin hesitates to wake you up.

“Honey,” Jin murmurs, shaking your shoulder gently, “The Uber’s almost here. We can go home and go to sleep. A pizza parlor is no place for sleeping.”

It takes a few moments of shaking your shoulder and whispering for you to wake up before Jin just lifts you up and carries you outside. You inhale loudly at the sudden movement and your eyes spring open.

“Jin,” You mumble into his neck, “‘M so tired.”

“I know, baby, we’ll be home soon. Gonna put you down now, alright?” 

Your feet hit the ground but you stay in his embrace, eyes still closed and face tucked into his neck. You force your eyes open with a groan and look over his shoulder to see Jungkook and Namjoon in similar embraces with their own dates.

“They’re cute,” You say softly to Jin, “We’re cuter, but they’re still cute.”

“That’s my girl,” Jin grins and pecks your forehead.

“‘M your pretty wifey,” You remind him. As if he needs a reminder.

“‘M your pretty hubby,” Jin says. As if you need the reminder.

He’s your forever, and you’re his forever. Things between you both have always been relatively simple and easy. 

And this fact is no different.

tags: @kentobean​ 

[extremelyblackandwhite]

style

pairing: eb!frank x reader

summary: frank realises he’s in love with his sister’s best friend. inspired by taylor swift’s style, a prequel to this.

You've got that long hair slick back, white t-shirt and I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt, and when we go crashing down, we come back every time 'cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style. So it goes, he can't keep his wild eyes on the road, takes me home, lights are off he's taking off his coat

Parties had never been Y/N’s cup of tea, she found them more to be an excuse for people to drink and smoke their worries away rather than deal with their issues. It was more of an escapism, in her mindset, for those which daylight brought too much worry and thus the night darkness and blinding neon lights allowed for a forgetfulness of what awaited outside. As one to try and solve whatever came her way, she absolutely despised them. There were better ways of socialising. However, Clara seemed to be just like her brother when it came to partying as right now, the house that during Christmas looked like every American sitcom’s house looked more like the drug den where the mafia would be hiding out with all the empty solo cups and random people making out on various corners.

Nevertheless, she was here and somehow here sounded better than her cold, mouldy student apartment. With a solo cup in hand, Y/N had taken refuge by the door, looking as people exited and entered the home and taking mental notes about Clara’s behaviour and how to properly tease her once her drunkenness faded away.  Still, the real reason why she wasn’t inside freaking out whenever someone did use a coaster was Frank. When she agreed to come to the party, not in the wildest of her wildest thoughts did she think Frank would be around. He lived in the city and, following his mother, would only come out if he was broke or in huge trouble, however, here he was. Well, at least his broken up, terrible car was and considering how much he loved the piece of junk, he was probably around trying to flirt with as many university girls as he could while she was hiding, not wanting to face the events that took place during Christmas. 

     - Y/N ... - she could hear Clara almost sing out her name as she stumbled onto the porch of her home, tall and probably older man next to her which made alarm bells sound on her mind. The drunk girl must’ve realised that as she quickly explained who was next to her. - Y/N, this is Jack. Jack is a friend of Frank’s and he’s a writer like you. Thought you’d like to chat. 

     - Pleasure. - he stuck out a hand for her to shake which she did, worried look still settled on her face. Clara, happy with her match making, returned to the inside of the house, probably to down more of the cheap cider she had gotten from the corner shop. - So, what are you majoring on? 

     - English at Yale. 

     - Yale, that’s a big one. How is it going so far? One of my mates has started a teaching assistant position there, all I hear are good things from it. - he was nice, maybe too nice. Nice enough that Y/N wondered if he had a weirder darker side he wasn’t showing to her as that would be the only reason someone would decide to be friends with Frank whose occupation was still a big question mark on her head. 

     - Well, it’s Yale, never changes that much I suppose. - she shrugged, not entirely sure how to keep the conversation interesting.

     - Who are you hiding from? - he leaned by her side, a much less used solo cup in his hand with clear liquid which Y/N guessed by the colour and smell was probably vodka. Not her favourite poison. She raised her brow at his question, wondering if she was putting it out in the world that she was constantly trying to escape from that party. - No one wears full black and then hangs by the porch unless they’re trying to hide from someone.

    - Maybe I’m in mourning. - she tilted her head slightly up, smirk on her lips as she took the last sip from whatever cheap corner shop strawberry flavoured wine she had been drinking for the past hour. - Besides, July nights have the best night skies. 

     - I’m afraid I’ll have to agree. - Jack looked upwards to the particularly clear sky. It was one of those weird hot nights which contained only the slightest of warm air coursing through and one of the most stunningly clear skies. Had she been back in her youth, Y/N would have been rushing outside with her telescope to see if she could see any celestial bodies. 

Meanwhile Frank was having his own sort of fun. He was never one to say no whenever his sister rarely invited him to a party with her university friends as that normally meant a wide array of less than five dollar spirits, cheap keg beer and people willing to give you a cigarette if asked. It also didn’t hurt that university girls were extremely easy for him to flirt with, however, tonight, he was looking for Y/N. He had even arrived earlier to see if he could catch her helping Clara with the decorations but she was nowhere to be seen and in the past four hours, he hadn’t seen or heard her name. It wasn’t like Clara was much of help, ignoring him whenever he asked for her best friend. 

Things were starting to get boring and he wondered if he’d be better off at home either sleeping or having quality alcohol. As he saw yet another couple climb up the stairs to what he hoped wasn’t his childhood bedroom, he decided it wasn’t worth the hassle. Y/N most likely wasn’t at the party, it wasn’t her style, and he was wasting time. Besides, he was a fully grown man and she was a girl in the middle of university, not even mentioning his sister’s confidant. This was probably just his instinct of trying to stick it up to his sister by screwing around with her friends. 

Frank threw his cup onto the growing pile in the bin and grabbed his jacket Moving through the crowds of people and ignoring the few girls who tried to stop him by grabbing his hand, he eventually made it to the red entrance door which was slightly open to reveal Jack. Maybe he was up to go to an actual bar, Frank thought to himself. However, what he wasn’t expecting as he stepped closer was to see Y/N in a slip black dress with a drink in hand and a stupid little smile as if Jack was telling her the best of jokes, which he probably wasn’t considering he had no sense of humour. At least not a good one. 

    - Hey man, you alright? - Jack noticed him as he turned to place the cup on the ground. - Going home already? 

    - It’s a university party, I’ve had my few share of it. - his eyes lingered on Y/N who suddenly found the tree of their front garden the most exciting and fantastic thing in the whole world. He probably should’ve just ignored it and let it slide but he couldn’t help it. - I see you’ve meet Rory. 

    - Shut up, Frank. - she rolled her eyes at the nickname he refused to drop. Jack looked utterly confused at the both of them, he was certain Clara had introduced her as Y/N and not Rory. Was he that drunk already? - Frank insists in calling me Rory, I’ve told him to stop.

    - You know each other? - he moved his finger between both his friend and Y/N who was trying to find something to look at other than Frank. 

    - We’re acquaintances. - Y/N quickly replied before Frank had any ideas or any snarky comments, which, let’s be honest, he most likely did. - Spent Christmas together. 

    - Oh ... - Jack rubbed his neck and, feeling the atmosphere settling between the three of them, decided to go back inside with the excuse of needing a refill which he clearly didn’t. If looks could kill, Y/N’s look as he left would’ve dropped him straight to the ground in less than a second yet sadly they couldn’t and now she was stuck with the last person in the world she wanted to be stuck with. 

    - Flirting with my friend to get my attention? - he spoke up in that tone of voice that made her want to hit his head against the side of the house. - You could’ve just come and find me. 

    - Knock it off. - she threw her plastic cup at him, watching as the pink of her drink stained his shirt and took off inside the house to try and find her purse. Why she had stayed in so long she didn’t know but suddenly the moldey, icy apartment sounded like paradise to her.

Y/N entered the storage closet which Clara had conveniently turned into a coat hanger and stared to look for her coat and purse. All she wanted to do was find her coat and her phone so she could call an Uber and evaporate from this party before Frank could find her and make another snarky remark. Sometimes she wondered if he only existed so he could poke fun of her.

As she kept browsing through the endless sea of jackets, between the noise of the crumbling fabrics, she heard the door being shut behind her. Y/N rolled her eyes, expecting it to be Frank trying to play a trick on her but as she turned to face the door she didn’t see Frank. Instead, she saw one of her colleagues with whom she shared Medieval Narratives class with. 

   - Hi Nate. Looking for your coat? 

   - I was actually looking for you. Clara said she saw you come in here so I followed you. - he took a step closer to her, turning their once comfortable distance into one that she wasn’t very comfortable with. - You look stunning tonight. 

   - I know. - she said, taking a step back hoping it’d send a message that she was not keen with such closeness. She grabbed her coat from the hanger and purse quickly and tried to excuse herself but he refused to move. - Nate, I have to go. I have some essays I need to look into and I’m not in the mood for whatever this is. 

   - C’mon, I’m a nice guy. - he put his hand on her waist thus ending the tiny shred of patience that was still within her. With a might, she kicked him in the leg, making him crutch which gave her enough time to reach for the door, opening it wide and power walking out of it. However, he seemed to not be done with the constant following. - NEXT TIME DON’T DRESS LIKE A WHORE IF YOU DON’T SOMEONE TO APPROACH YOU!

She stopped on her tracks, still facing the door as she wondered if she had heard it correctly. By the sounds of the people surrounding her who had suddenly stopped their chats allowing her to listen to the music playing wide and clear, she had heard it well. 

   - You’re drunk, Nate. - she turned around to look at him, still keeping her distance and surrounding herself by other party goers who had found her answer not interesting enough to hold their attention. 

   - And you’re clearly still the same uptight goody two shoes who needs a good fuck to be put in her place. - Y/N rolled her eyes. Just what she fucking needed tonight. As she prepared to find a comeback for that and return to her beloved mission of reaching her home, someone punched him, the strength of the blow itself sending him to the ground. - What the fuck? 

   - Stay down if you know what’s good for you. - she recognised that voice way too well to know who it was. Her gaze went from Nate who was standing on the ground, clearly following orders, to Frank who had just punched him hard enough to scare him into not going up. God, great. Just what she needed, Frank to get a saviour complex. 

Deciding this was too much for her, she returned to her mission of reaching the outside which after a few “are you okay?” from some of her friends who were sober enough to recognise the situation, had been successfully reached. Y/N sat down on the sidewalk by the house, phone in hand as she read that her driver would be in her with an hour. On that specific moment, she agreed with Frank as she let out angry huff. 

   - Fuck the suburbs. - she mumbled, bringing her knees up to her chin. There was no way this night could get any worse. 

   - Are you alright? - Y/N looked up to see Frank. Had she not been harassed by someone she probably would need to see again, she would’ve probably found the strength within to tell him to leave her alone. - I can leave if you want me too, Y/N. 

   - Nice to know you can use my name. - she commented. - You didn’t need to do that, didn’t need your help. 

   - Yeah, I know but he was asking for it. - he took a seat on the sidewalk, a bit further from her. - I think Clara’s got the rest of the beating handled. God, she’s ruthless when she drinks cider. 

   - Should’ve seen her during Fresher’s week. She climbed up the roof of our student housing topless and screaming the lyrics of "Wake me Up Before you Go”. - Y/N giggled at the memory of her and her flatmates trying her hardest to remove Clara from the wet roof. 

   - How come you never tell me the interesting stories? - Frank slightly turned to look at her. He couldn’t see her face completely due to her hair in front of it, but of what he could see, she thought she was the most stunning thing brought to life. 

   - Well, you never ask me. - she too turned to look at him. - You cannot tell Clara that I told you that. 

   - Can’t promise anything. - he raised his hands. - How long til your Uber arrives?

   - An hour. - she huffed again. - Now I understand why you like the city so much.

   - Get up. - he raised from his seating position, lending her a hand so she could do the same. - I’ll take you home. 

   - Frank, I will not enter the death machine again specially when you’ve been drinking. - her eyes turned to the same car. God, how come someone whose parents were well off decided to get that type of thing and call it a car? 

   - Cheap alcohol does not affect me besides I want to give you a ride. Just to make sure you’re safe.

   - I’m safe enough in an Uber, Frank. 

   - Consider this, you’re an university student and it’s not gonna be cheap to catch an Uber during a Friday night. Just humour me, you don’t even have to speak with me, I’ll just drive you and drop you off. - he took his keys from his jacket pocket, the little keychain catching the little and she couldn’t help but let out a small smile as she recognised he was still using the keychain she had given him for Christmas. - You pick the music? 

  - No snarky comments? - she decided to negotiate. - And by snarky comments it includes calling me Rory Gilmore, Gilmore, Rory or any variation of the name. You will make me hate watching Gilmore Girls. 

  - Fine, deal. - Y/N followed Frank into his death machine also known by common people as a car. He kept his promise, not saying a single word and only turned on the radio which was playing some instrumentals. Throughout most of the journey, both their gazes were set on the road, not entirely sure how to interact to each other. She was the first to break the gaze from the road, turning her head ever to slightly to look at the side of his face. Y/N would never admit it out loud that Frank was an attractive but he was and somehow managed to look even better whenever his face was calm. Lips partially open, eyes slightly narrowed as his hands gripped onto the steering wheel. Her gaze settled on his parted lips, almost as if she could feel them against hers like Last Christmas.

If she were to be completely honest, she had put the event right in the back of her head fully knowing exactly what type of guy he was. She didn’t need to hear it from him, she knew it from accounts from Clara who’d normally complain about how many girlfriends her brother had gone through and how he liked to mess around with her friends to get under her skin. However, she was still a woman with taste and as such she found him wildly handsome.

    - Stop staring at me, Y/N. - he pulled over one of Yale’s residencies, not entirely sure where Y/N and Clara lived. - We’re here. 

    - Thanks. - she put her hands on her lap, diverting her gaze from him. - Uhm, I think I should also thank you for punching Nate. 

    - I would punch whatever guy disrespected you. - he shrugged, almost as if being her protector came to him naturally. - Even if you flirted with my friend prior.

   - I did not flirt with Jack, Frank. Even if I did it was none of your business. - if she didn’t know any better, she would’ve said he was being jealous. - Clara introduced us, if you must know. 

   - You can tell me you fancy him. I saw you all smiley as if he were a comedian which let me tell you, sweetheart, he definitely isn’t. 

   - I don’t fancy him. - she harshly opened the door of his car, huffing as she stepped out. Frank did the same but instead of lighting a cigarette, he instead walked to her, arms crossed. - Even if I was interested in Jack, I wouldn’t owe an explanation. You, out of all people who is constantly screwing around. 

   - Just asking, sweetheart. No need to get worked out over it. 

   - If it bothers you so much at least admit it, Frank. Don’t sulk about it like a school boy. - she took a step forward, heel clicking against the worn out asphalt of the ground.

   - You’re my baby sister’s friend, I couldn’t care less.  

   - Seems like you’re awfully interested, Frank.

   - You wish I was. - he put his hand on his pocket to fish for his cigarette pack along with his lighter. - Is that why you were flirting with Jack?

   - You know what ... - she dropped her purse to the ground, hands coming to grab his face as her lips collided with his for the first time since Christmas. The kiss went on for a while, lasting substantially longer than she had intended.

Y/N tested the waters plenty of times by pulling away slowly but, much to her surprise, Frank took a step forward each time with a smirk against his lips as he slowly pushed her against the side of his car. She thought it would last forever or at least until one of them lost breath. That someone proved to be Frank, who pulled away, a very large stretched grin across his wet chapped lips as he stared down at her, her eyes staring right back.

    - Hey! - a bright light shined their way, interrupting the moment. She looked in the direction seeing one of the campus security guard with a flashlight in hand. - No funny business on campus grounds. 

    - Sorry. - she mumbled as the guard went his merry way. Her eyes settled back on Frank. - I should go back to my flat. 

    - I’ll walk with you.

    - No. - she raised her hand. - You can go back, I know the way. 

    - Y/N ... wait. - he rushed after her. - I know you don’t wanna talk about it but I don’t flirt with you just because you’re my sister’s friend. 

    - It’s really not the point, Frank. I know the type of man you are and I know exactly how you act. I should probably know better but I don’t and I’m a few cups in of cheap wine so my judgement is clouded. 

    - Listen, maybe when your judgment isn’t so clouded, we can discuss this.

    - Sure, Frank. - she sighed, tired and wanting to go into a hole and scream at herself. What was wrong with her? God, this was worse than when she had a crush on the neighbour’s son. Why would she kiss him? Out of everyone? Was she feeling way too thankful for him being her weird white knight, she did not know, all she knew is that she needed to leave his sight, fast. - Good night. 

    - Night, Ace. 

[gloster]

FAVORITE FANFICS OF 2019

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S EVE & HAPPY 2020 TO YOU ALL.

So this was a fun post I did last year, inspired by the dozens of Favorite Books of 2018 by the booktubers I followed and I thought to myself: why not do a little something something for the fanfics that stood out to me, stuck me with throughout the year. 

Last year I read insanely amazing reads, and if you’re interested to see what were my favorite fanfics of 2018, here’s the link: past favs

For this year, I read sooooooo many incredible fanfics that it was hard to narrow it down to just 10. And the funny thing is, a good portion were from the same author, so it was insanely hard picking the top one. 

I implore all of you reading and following me to try the tag-and please tag me. Always on the hunt for fanfic recs. I also am curious to hear the favorites from the following people: @kila09, @sebbies, @bookstakeyoutootherworlds, @scarlet47, @fleetofshippyships, @eyelashesandentropy, @tired-luxis, @dreamydrarry, @mothermalfoy, @profoundfelicity & @goldentruth813

Without any further ado, here are my top 10 favorite fanfics for 2019:

1). Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SqaudOfCats/ @norelationtoatticus (drarry)

Summary: Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

If the summary alone doesn’t get you to immediately click on the link and read, I don’t know what to say. But I can say this. SqaudofCats has become my new drarry favorite author period. I read all of her drarry stories, loved them all, and am hoping she does more. 

This story, in one word, was a GEM. A FUCKING GEM. It was so so so good.There were so many good elements: Veela Draco, Dad Harry raising Teddy, Draco learning how to cook, a strang but HILARIOUS courtship involving food that I didn’t realize how much I needed until this story. It was also a perfect blend of fluff with so many cute moments and angst, which thankfully didn’t involve the couple but had to do with Harry’s mental health and PTSD post-war. 

I read this story back in May and I still think about it. Have to stop myself from reading because I have so many fanfic tabs. But it is so good. It’s so addicting. Highly recommend. 

Honorable mentions from this writer:

*Gift for Draco

*Nearly Lost Things, Carefully Tended

2). Cinderfella by @goldentruth813 (sheith)

Summary: Takashi Shirogane is exactly the kind of man Keith likes; built like a brick house with a smile sweet enough to rot teeth and a heart of gold. Of course he’s also YouTube famous and worlds out of Keith’s league. The closest he can get to his pseudo-celebrity crush is when he watches Shiro’s videos from the safety of his bed. Or so he thinks.

This incredible bean of a human being, this incredible writer is the reason I was pulled into the sheith ship long before I finally got into the show-and then had me drag @kila09 into the incredible maddness that is Shiro and Keith and the crew....and the disappointing season 8 that I am still pissed about. But yes @goldentruth813 is the reason why I got pulled into this ship, and this fanfic is the story that sealed my love for sheith and made them my 3rd favorite ship of all time. 

This story is a fun, hilarious modern twist of Cinderella that obviously involves two guys, one is who a popular Youtuber and the other who is a hardcore super fan who meet in the most surprising circumstances and come back together in the most hilarious of ways. With our classic glass slipper being a beloved leather jacket. 

It’s so stinking cute. It’s so hilarious. And it’s so weird since, while I do appreciate the fairytale, Cinderella isn’t one of my favorites but I’m a sucker for a good retelling of it. And this was so good.

Honorable mention by this writer: 

*Safe Haven 

3). Burn the Witch by @lettersbyelise (drarry)

Summary:  When Harry Potter is sent in to investigate Draco Malfoy’s successful potions company, posing as Draco’s bodyguard, he doesn’t know the case will launch a series of events that will change his life — and Draco’s. A story about choices, scars, Chopin piano pieces, and finding all kinds of love in the most unexpected places.

Let’s be honest here. At this point, are we really surprise to see this story here , featured in a favorites/rec list? Are we honestly surprise? At this point, I feel every drarry-shipping reader has read it. Devoured it. And praised it. 

This story pretty much took over the drarry community the way Red, White & Royal Blue took over the book world. There wasn’t a day when I didn’t see Burn the Witch featured in a drarry fanfic recs post, saw posts praising it. Fanart of it, edits for it, and several mood-boards. It was THAT STORY. And I am proud to say it was worth THE HYPE. 

Because it’s so well-known, I’m not going into too much detail but I can say it involves Daddy Draco and Scorpius who is precious, Harry in an undercover mission, and has one of the BEST post-war, slow-burn to the point of excruciating drarry relationship I’ve read all year. READ IT. 

Honorable mention by this writer:

*Draco Malfoy’s Stupendous Seduction Seminar

*Love Me (Four Times)

4). Evitative by Vichan (drarry)

Summary: In the summer before his fifth year at Hogwarts, Harry is drawn to a room in Grimmauld Place. Like the Gryffindor he is, he enters the room without fear. The room is a library, and Harry is surprised to find that he’s eager to learn.Then he gets the bad news: he’s been accidentally expelled from Hogwarts, and he needs to be sorted again. Everyone is confident that he’ll go straight back to Gryffindor, but with what he's been learning, Harry’s not so sure.

Out of all the stories I have in my list, this is the only one that is currently a WIP. I know some are hesitant with WIPs but this one is so worth it. Another hidden jewel found by chance. This story has to be one of the best slytherin-Harry ever and that shows the Slytherin House and the Slytherins in a positive light while still remaining true to their cunning ways. 

5). Up We Go by Oh_Hey_Tae (BTS: Taehyung x Jimin x Yoongi)

Summary: “If you’re a witch that works with plants, then why are all of yours dead? That can’t be good for business.”

The room dims again, and Jimin lifts a hand to flip off the ceiling. Taehyung knows he’s sad and that’s why the shop darkens and he shouldn’t find it funny—but he can’t help it. Because this is ridiculous. The good kind of ridiculous. The amazing kind.

(Or: Taehyung has a green thumb, Jimin runs a magical store, and Yoongi can kind of see dead people.)

Oh my goodness, where on earth do I even begin with this one? I am loss for words. It’s been months since I read it and I am still lost for words on how incredible it is. This story reads like a fairytale. Who am I kidding? This is a fairytale. A beautiful fairytale that is of loss, grief, friendship, family, love, and magic. And a beautiful fairytale that features a poly relationship

I was broken at the last word of the last chapter. Broken. Broken and put back together again.This story was so heartbreaking and heartwarming and I couldn’t think of anything else the whole damn week after I finished it. It was that good. 

Honorable mention by this writer:

* Tell Me Again

6). Silence by the Night by @parkkate (drarry)

Summary: After a spell goes horribly wrong, Harry has to deal with the loss of his eyesight. It’s such terrible timing, too, because how is he supposed to find out what Malfoy has been up to in the Room of Requirement? It’s not like he can ask the git, not only because it’s Malfoy, but also because the Slytherin has suddenly lost his voice. While they’re both trapped in the hospital wing, however, Harry discovers there’s so much he didn’t know about Malfoy, and it’s highly intriguing, but also a bit alarming. Where did all these confusing feelings come from all of a sudden? And what is Harry going to do about them?

See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. That is the best way to sum up this story. The themes of it certainly tie with the story. This story....there is a certain chapter and @parkkate knows what I mean if she remembers my reviews that shattered me. That made me sit down with a gasp because the angst just cut through me in a way that no other drarry fanfic had do to me. @parkkate I hope you know what I mean. 

Funny thing is about this fanfic is that it took my lazy butt forever to read it, like months after it was done. And mind you, I’ve seen so much praise and incredible fanart for this fanfic as well. So yeah, I was cursing myself for not getting to it sooner. And it was so so so so damn good that I literally said to @parkkate THIS IS CANON. This is canon. This happened 6th year after the bathroom scene and no one can tell otherwise. 

7). You only Live Once by @dreaming-fireflies (viktuuri/victuuri)

Summary: It's when the man is soaring in mid-air under the full moon that Victor gets a good look at him: he's Japanese, with black hair slicked back in a styled look, and a lithe body covered in tight, tight, leather under a navy blue coat.

And when the man lands on the ground again, Victor sees the final piece that captures his heart absolutely and thoroughly – a pair of brilliant, golden eyes.

Victuuri supernatural AU in which Victor is a Western demon hunter and Yuuri is a Japanese half-youkai exterminator.A cross-cultural romantic comedy/drama, with Japanese mythology, shounen action, and slice of life elements.

Literally the summary itself said everything you needed to know, everything that should AND MUST intrigue you enough into reading, that I don’t know if I really have anything to add. But I’ll try to add some of my own input. 

Like the summary said, this is a Supernatural-au YOI story, infused with Japanese mythology. Two different shows that shouldn’t work together but somehow did, creating such a fantastic read. I loved it. From beginning to end. I even knew first chapter it was going to be an ultimate favorite of mine. This fanfic just reminded me of my great love for Vikor and Yuuri-and my need for a fucking season two. As well as reminded of the glorious prime days of Supernatural, which in my opinion were seasons 4 & 5. There was action, there was angst, there was mutual and insane pining from both sides, and so many incredible moments to put into words. Seriously, what more could you want?

@dreaming-fireflies, you seriously did the damn thing with this story. 

Honorable mentions by this writer: 

*Entwining Fates 

*Zanka

8). your sharp and glorious thorn by @arahir (sheith) 

Summary: To end the war they inherited, Keith marries the King he lead an army against.

“You know, we met once,” the king continues, voice closer, and Keith almost turns. They met many times on the field—but then the king clarifies with a single word. “Before.”

Before he was a king. Maybe before he was a general. Keith has traced his rise like the growth of a seed he planted in clay and never expected to see again for how poorly he sowed it. None of this would have been possible without Keith—not the war, not a line soldier's battlefield promotion, not the end of it all, tied up so neatly by all Keith’s best mistakes. Not the killing, either. The king is right about that much, at least.

This is an arranged-marriage AU story, a trope I don’t love too much unless it’s really well done, and had very strong Game of Thrones vibes. And please note when I said Game of Thrones, I mean Game of Thrones back in its incredible prime, not the shitty season 8 we all agree was a nightmare never to be thought of again. But yes, this story was so good. Arranged marriage, enemies-to-lovers, slowburn. Please read. 

9). Your Constellation Prize by rosegardenlake aka @whoalookingcooljoker (sheith)

Summary: Akira is Hollywood's biggest celebrity. He sings, he acts, he models, he does it all and he does it perfectly. That's what Shiro thinks at least, but what would he know? He's just a tired office worker whose dreams fell through years ago. ...But when he sees Akira, oh god, when he sees him - Shiro's world fills with light again.

When Shiro lands an interview to be an assistant at Akira's company, he has a hard time believing it's reality. Though Akira's rarely around, meeting everyone is like a dream. Especially meeting Keith, Akira's shy sweet dorky cousin (OR IS HE?!)

I didn’t realize how much I would liked-love in fact-or needed a celebrity-AU until I read this story.  And that’s about all I will say since I feel anything else will probably make things spoilery. But I will this say: these two can be such idiots, but they’re our lovable idiots and they’re so sweet, so soft. Also that this story definitely well-portrayed the dark side of fame.

10). That Old Black Magic by @bixgirl1 (drarry)

Summary: Centuries ago, marriage contracts were the norm — ready-made alliances between families, expected and complied with, without complaint. But norms have a way of changing, and when a long-dormant contract flares to life, Harry has to navigate an unexpected splintering of the path he'd thought would be easy after the war... with Draco Malfoy.

Least but certainly not least: an incredible, incredible drarry story done by the impeccable @bixgirl1. 

I know I said that I’m not the biggest fan of the arranged marriage trope since I’ve been let down by so stories that started out promising but disappointed in the end. However, there are a few authors who I can always count on to make this trope into a great story. Such as @beatitudinembty, and also @bixgirl1. 

This being is pretty much....I wanna say Sarah J Maas, one of my fav authors, in the drarry community. Everyone knows her. Everyone loves her. Everything she writes always turns into gold, and this latest story by hers was no except. Arranged marriage brings Harry and Draco together in the most infuriating, excruciating, incredibly-done slowburn. 

Honorable mentions that I seriously wanted to add to the list but this post is already lengthy. All amazing, all greats reads by various writers y’all should check out:

*Moon-Eyed by @l0vegl0wsinthedark (Veela Draco, werewolf Harry, done by another star in the drarry community 

*Expectant by @l0vegl0wsinthedark (drarry mpreg with Veela-Draco & werewolf-Harry)

*Where There is Tea by @bafflinghaze (drarry + bookstore+ tea=goodness)

*The Rules of Matchbreaking @nerdherderette ( drarry: match-maker Draco, oblivious Harry, what more could you want?)

* Come For Me by Frayach (drarry; STEAMY STEAMY smut and disabled rep)

*I Want Your Touch (And I Want Your Love) by @awjiminie (yoonmin with bad boy Jimin, good boy yoongi. What more could you want?)

*Seasons of Love by mucha (BTS; Jimin x Tae x Yoongi; incredibly well-done poly relationship)

Lovely people, that concludes my favorites of 2019. So many fantastic fanfics that I could spend hours gushing over them. To the writers who created these incredible stories. I applaud you. I thank you for creating and sharing these wonderful stories. Anyone interested in doing the tag, please do. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, GUYS. 

[my-arlington-academia]

Hello! Could I get headcanons for the main 10 with a Scholar who likes to leave love letters around for them to find?

Yes! 💗 and thank you for the request ✊ I'm not sure if they're already dating or not? I'm gonna assume they are. (This turned out to be so long! I'm gonna flood the tags again...)

Alistair

- first time you gave him one, it was on his desk

- he tried to read as swiftly as he could, but as he was reading through it, he started getting weird looks from the other students

- not surprising, he was grinning the whole time

- Raquel tried to look over his shoulder

- "Oooohhh~ what's that? A love letter? You're so popular with the ladies haha."

- he immediately hides it and stuffs it in his bag

- "Psh. N-no? It was just uhhh... homework!"

- poor boy sucks at lying

- "Of course, I'm sure everyone smiles like that at homework."

- Alistair keeps on giving you glances during class

- he didn't have the time to read all of it but he did see that you signed it and your handwriting is really recognizable

- afterwards, he quietly reads it in his room

- his heart races at each word

- comes to your room as soon as he finishes reading it

- "Y/N I came here to th- than- uhhh? Yeah! To thank you! Haha..."

- for a hot second he forgot how words work

- is laughing out of nervousness

- after that, you keep giving him more and more letters

- he starts consciously expecting to find one on his desk when he walks in

- is really sad when there's nothing on the desk...

Axel

- he already receives a lot of love letters ("fanmail") so how can you give it to him while making sure that he knows it's yours right away?

- you thought of a silly trick to throw him off guard

- When he's walking through the hallways you call out his name and give him the letter, you tell him that "he dropped this"

- he's surprised so he automatically grabs the letter

- "Oh! Thank you for picking it up for- Wait. I don't think this is mine. Uh...?"

- too late! You ran away immediately

- it takes him a few seconds to understand what you just did

- he's excited! But of course he's not going to read it in the middle of the hallway

- skips the beginning of next class to read it carefully in the cafeteria

- he blushes furiously at how passionate the letter is

- he's persuaded that you could write a beautiful love song

- comes in class 20 minutes late and gets detention from Tadashi but to be honest, he doesn't even care anymore

- When he walks in, he gives you a subtle look but you know what that look means

- you're so embarrassed that you try to ignore him the whole period... until he stealthly throws a paperball on your desk

- you open it, it says "look my way"

- even though you're mortified, you do so anyway

- he waves at you and smirks all knowingly

- ohhhh boy, you look away again

- you hear a stifled laugh, he probably thinks your reaction was really cute

Claire

- she often lends you pretty little boxes with cookies in them

- but when you have to give the box back to her, you get an idea

- you put a love letter in the empty box and give it back to Claire

- she discovers it in the evening when she opens the box, expecting to only find crumbs you left behind

- blinks a few times and closes the box

- opens it again and the letter is still inside

- she thinks "it wasn't a hallucination!"

- reads it really slowly because she has to stop at each sentence to calm herself down

- the next day she gives you the box again with the new cookies she baked yesterday

- runs away as soon as you take the box

- you open it and there's a letter on top of the cookies, it's a response to your letter!

- seems like she was too shy to tell you in person

- to fit the theme of the letter: the cookies are heart-shaped

- you guys keep on exchanging letters through the box and it becomes a habit between the two of you

Ellie

- since she doesn't have a roommate, you slide the letter through the small space under her door

- finds it on the floor when she gets back to her room

- OwO whats dis?

- opens it and reads it super quickly

- she's so giddy that she reads over it multiple times

- sends you text messages with lots of emojis in them

- "Thank youuu 💖💕💗 you sweetheart!!! 💘💝😍😊😘"

- builds a robot to deliver letters between the two of you

- it knocks on the door and if you don't open it to take the letter, it goes back to Ellie

- she teaches you how to use the robot!

- "Don't worry! If someone else snatches the letter away from the robot it'll activate an alarm on my phone! And it's not like we need to sign the letters, we can use codenames!"

- You remind her that she's the only one in the pure and applied sciences department to create cute robots like those

- "Ah whoops... well uh, to be fair everyone already knows that we're dating so... no need to hide it!"

Karolina

- she probably doesn't care much about love letters

- she always thought that it's childish and extremely ridiculous

- that is until you gave her one

- the really first time you gave the letter to her directly or else she wouldn't read it, not knowing that it was from you

- she's all proud of herself while reading it

- she agrees with each statement but still blushes

- "Of course I'm gorgeous! You didn't have to write that part..."

- she's actually a sucker for books, especially from the romance genre

- you make her feel like a heroine from one of those books and she's secretly really happy about it

- but she'll never admit that of course

- after a while she gets inspired and tries to write one herself

- she thinks "I'll show you how it's done!"

- ends up getting really embarrassed at the thought of you reading the letter and doesn't give it to you until the end of the year

Neha

- after multiple attempts you somehow managed to sneak the letter in one of her sketchbooks

- too bad you couldn't see the surprise on her face when she found your letter

- she wanted to work for a few hours and brainstorm ideas for some new outfits

- but her plans went out of the window

- she read it. Put it on the side and started thinking about you during a solid 20 minutes

- wants to thank you but doesn't know how to do it without sounding like a little kid

- decides to send you a text for now, but she'll also write you a letter later

- "Thank you a lot for the letter. I really appreciate it."

- thinks that maybe it's a little bit too cold so she adds a heart emoji at the end

- cringes to herself while sending it

- gets back to work but sometimes she draws your face on the side

- scribbles all over it when she realizes what she's doing

- "This is not professional! If I have to show my sketchbook to someone and they see this, they won't take me seriously..."

- decides to write you a letter first or else she won't be able to focus

Raquel

- This is a hard one

- Raquel always moves from place to place without stop so it's hard to be sneaky with her

- eventually you slip the letter in her bag but you don't know how much time it'll take for her to find it

- like you thought it took her a few days

- when she did, she was very vocal about it

- she ran to you and almost jumped on you

- hugs you and thanks you hundreds of times

- "I love you too!!! You're so sweet Y/N..."

- becomes much more flirty, she was already confident but now it's even worse (or better? 😌)

- puts the letter on the wall of her room and shows it off to Claire

- "Look at that Claire! It seems like my godly charm cannot be stopped."

- Raquel starts carefully checking her bag everyday in hopes of finding another letter from you

- and even when she doesn't find anything, it gets her into a working mood

- "Might as well do my homework I guess..."

- becomes much more responsible with homework now that she checks her bag everyday

- your love literally helped her to get better grades

Tadashi

- This was a risky mission

- you had to sneak into the student council room and leave it on his desk

- they had a meeting this afternoon and Tadashi has been in a bad mood lately

- Well, to be fair he's always done with everybody's BS but this time it was worse than usual

- he finds the letter and gets confused right away

- wants to read it but he's having a meeting

- he's really fidgety the whole time, for some reason he has a feeling that it's from you though he can't explain why

- once everyone leaves the room he opens the letter

- all of his stress dies down, he falls back on his chair and sighs

- goes to find you and brings you to the council room, he makes you sit on his chair

- you tell him that you can't be here but he smiles and answers "Oh? You say that now even though you snuck in earlier to give me a secret love letter of all things?"

- he teases you with endearment and massages your back to thank you

- asks you if you'll write more (because he loved it) and you promise to do so if he promises to take more breaks

Tegan

- Tegan often invites you to play videos games with him (or to marathon some shows/anime/movies/whatever)

- you left the letter behind for him but he didn't catch the drift

- goes to your room to give it back

- "Um... you forgot this, I think..."

- you tell him that it's for him

- "Wait, really? You can just text me, you know? It's quicker and way easier than writing letters."

- oooohhhh boy. He really doesn't get it, you have to spell it out

- "A l-love letter? For me!?"

- "Tegan. We're dating."

- "Oh right! Sorry... I always forget that, it seems like I'm in a dream..."

- reads it in front of you while you're paying close attention to his reactions

- and to no surprise: he's a blushing mess

- you're fully satisfied, all that time was worth it

- he says that he'll repay you with a "love text message" which sounds like he's being lazy, but really knowing how... "unique" his handwriting is, you're glad...

- but it was not just a text message.

- "Sorry, I went a bit overboard 🙏🙏"

- his text has a 23 pages long file attached to it

- he wrote a really really long essay explaining in details why you're "so awesome" and "the best person in the world"

Tyler

- after classes are over, when he's working on a new painting he spends almost all of his time in the art room

- that's when you strike!

- you know he has a habit of sitting in the corner of the room so that's where you leave the letter

- honestly, he was in a slump lately because he felt like he was doing a really half-assed job with his new art piece

- but your letter gave him so much motivation that he finished the painting in a day

- "This is crazy Y/N! Reading your letter gave me the same rush as drinking 5 monster drinks in the span of 2 hours!"

- "Uhhh... Please don't do that?"

- laughs at how worried you look and asks you to write more to give him strength

- you say no at first but he pulls out your letter out of his pocket and starts reading it out loud in the middle of the hallway

- "Ssshhh! People might hear!"

- "Yeah, so? That's kinda the point but if you promise to write me more I'll stop~"

- you know he's just teasing you but it's still so embarrassing...

- in the end you give in out of shame however you have no idea just how much this letter helped him

- whenever he feels down or like he's not good enough he pulls out one of your letters and reads it

- he keeps all of them safe in a box, they're his treasures

[inevitably-johnlocked]

got any good domestic johnlock fic recs??

Hi Nonny! 

YES!! I certainly do! I love domestic Johnlock! Done lots of lists in the past, so check out the additional lists, and I’ll update those lists with these latest ones I’ve sorted!

DOMESTIC JOHNLOCK Pt. 4

See also:

Platonics and Domestics

Platonics & Domestics Pt 2 / Hugs, Cuddles & Kisses Pt. 3 / Tooth-Rotting Fluff Pt. 4 / Love Confessions, Slow Burn & Dev. Rel. Pt. 2 / Established Relationship Pt. 3

Platonics / Bromance / Friendship Pt. 3

When Morning Comes by Youarethelightoftheworld (T, 423 w. || Christmas Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Lazy Mornings/Morning After, Fluff and Angst, Sleepy Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, Cuddling / Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort) – “Sherlock,” says John solemnly, “I’m not sure we can go anywhere today.”

Promises Kept by grannysknitting (K+, 844 w. || John POV, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship / Pre-Slash, Sherlock’s Violin, Worried Sherlock, John Whump, Post-TGG) – When they were in hospital, Sherlock made a promise to himself. Now he’s keeping it. Set after ’Polygamous Marriage’ but before ’Back in the Saddle’

Realisation by Susie.Donym (K+, 957 w. || Sally POV, Pre-Slash / Friendship, Humour) – It takes her a while but Sally finally makes a huge realisation.

Like Any Other Day by wearitcounts (T, 1,145 w. || Fluff, John’s Birthday, John Loves Sherlock, Sweet / Thoughtful Sherlock) – Just when John thought Sherlock couldn’t get any more strange…

Together is What we Have, Together Protects Us by Phantom of the Black Pearl (K+, 1,566 w. || Post-TRF, Friendship / Platonic or Slash, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Sherlock, Worried Sherlock, Slice of Life) – After a case one evening in the flat Sherlock voices a concern that causes the pair to consider why they’ve chosen to stick together after all that’s happened.

Like Euphoria and Scotch by FinAmour (M, 1,856 w. || Five and One, Alchohol / Drinking, POV Second Person Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock’s Imagination, Armchair Sex, Fluff, Happy Ending) – 5 different ways it all could have gone + the one way it actually works itself out.

One in Ten Thousand by Blind Author (K+, 1,856 w. || Post-TGG, Friendship / Pre-Slash, Discussions of Violence, Worried then Curious Sherlock, Scars/John’s Bullet Wound, Medical Anomolies) – John seems to have unusual mobility for a shoulder wound…

The Adventure of the Mysterious Appearance of Tissues by Gwen’s Blue Box (K+, 1,910 w. || Fluff, Humour, Sick John, Caring Sherlock, Hurt/Comfort) – In which there is a case, John has caught a cold and is not interested in investigating, Mrs Hudson is away and Sherlock does the shopping.

The Case of the Missing Blogger by nicknack22 (K, 2,147 w. || Fluff, Humour, Friendship, Worried / Anxious Sherlock) – Alternately titled, The Case of the Oblivious Consulting Detective. In which Sherlock comes out of his mind palace to discover John missing. 221B does not fair well as a result.

Risotto by Richefic (K+, 2,153 w. || Friendship, Angst, Misunderstandings, Apologies) – The first time that John cooks dinner for Sherlock is almost the last. Fortunately, Sherlock is really quite observant. Inspired by John’s reference in “The Great Game” to there being some leftover risotto in the fridge.

The Many Faces of Concern by sdrawkcabemdaer5 (K+, 2,473 w. || Friendship, Angsty Fluff, John Whump, Mildly Clueless Sherlock) – John is injured on a case, leading to some surprising reactions and discoveries about their friendship.

Bored Games by patster223 (K+, 2,769 w. || Cluedo / Board Games, Friendship, Humour) – Sherlock is bored and John decides that they should play Cluedo. In retrospect, it was a truly awful decision.

The Rational Machine by Solstice Zero (K, 2,924 w. || Hurt / Comfort, Malnourishment / Fainting, Doctor / Minder John) – Sherlock passes out. John muses on the reasons why. Containing an absorbing case, two bags of shopping, and a few apples.

On a Sunday Morning by SD_Ryan (G, 3,136 w. || Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock) – Sherlock has a little problem. He can’t stop obsessing about John Watson. {{Note to Self: ‘Cheese Tease’}}

Wish I Was In Heaven Sitting Down by standbygo (M, 3,282 w. || Post-S4, Five Plus One, Missing Scenes, Parenthood, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, Declarations of Love, Fluff, Food, John Whump) – Five times when Sherlock and John ate together, and one time they didn’t. A history of the boys, in food.

The Bee Charmer by dreadpiratewatson (M, 3,314 w. || Est. Rel., Captain / Soldier John, Idiots in Love, Domestics, John in the Army) – Greg goes to 221B to check up on Sherlock after a strange phone call pulls him away from an important case, and is stunned to find himself in front of a gun brandishing soldier with a sleeping Sherlock on his chest. John Watson is a doctor, a war hero, a husband, and the only one in the world who can soften Sherlock’s heart.

Bored Games by SparksMayFly (K, 3,492 w. || Humour, Friendship, Cluedo / Board Games, Big Brother Mycroft) – Sherlock asks if he can take Reverend Green in for interrogation. John explains that’s not how the game works.

Every Step of the Way by Shi_Toyu (G, 3,795 w. || Car Accidents, John Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Slash, Caretaker Sherlock) – When John is injured on a case, Sherlock can’t forgive himself. Everyone expects him to give up on his flatmate and get bored, but he’ll prove them all wrong by sticking with him…every step of the way.

Five Times John Cooked Something with Peas and One First Kiss by 221b_careful_what_you_wish_for (T, 3,915 w. || 5 and Ones, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Cooking / Food, Sick Sherlock, Music, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss) – After John cooks five dinners that slowly reveal their hunger for each other, Sherlock and John finally share a first kiss.

Jukebox by standbygo (T, 3,990 w. || Fluff, Singing/Music, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Hurt/Comfort, Humour, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss) – After the music halls of Sherlock’s mind palace get damaged by accident, John learns that Sherlock never forgets a song. Even the ones he’d rather forget. But the random singalong brings some unexpected benefits.

No Good Without You by textsandscones (T, 4,021 w. || Case Fic, Sherlock’s Violin, Dancing, Soppy Fluff) – A diverting new case surrounding musicians and stolen instruments captures Sherlock’s attention, the consequences of which lead both detective and doctor to see one another in a different light. Part 1 of Prompt Fills

Breakfast, acronyms and brotherhood by Rose de Sharon (K+, 4,074 w. || TBB Fic, Friendship/Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Protective John, Fluff) – Set after The Blind Banker: my take of Sherlock and John’s conversation over breakfast. S/J friendship, bromance, no slash.

The Care and Keeping of Your Mad Genius by Janieshi (T, 4,553 w. || Post-TGG, Friendship, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Light Humour/Teasing, Alternating POV, Cranky Sherlock) – If he hadn’t been so focused on holding the bastard still, John would have laughed aloud. This maniac really thought John was the pet in this dynamic?

Welcome Home, John by slashscribe (G, 5,504 w. || Post-S3, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Awkwardness, Stabbed Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Panic Attack (Sherlock), Self Esteem Issues, Love Confessions, First Kiss) – When John moves back to 221B, he thinks he’s the broken one, but after a while, it becomes clear that he might not be correct.

Of Razors, Pipes, Red Notebooks and Rugby Jerseys, Or: Sherlock Doesn’t Like His Doctors Clean Shaven by allonsys_girl (E, 7,313 w. || Est. Rel., PWP / Porn With Feelings, John’s Beard / Beard Kink, Roleplay, Love Declarations, Banter, Rimming, Anal, Domestic Fluff / Bliss, Idiots in Love, Emotional Lovemaking, Pet Names, Obsessive Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock) – John grows a beard. Sherlock really likes it. Part 1 of Consulting Husbands

On Favors and Keeping Score by Ewebie (G, 7,622 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Sick Fic, Fluff, John Whump) –  John woke up to the horribly unpleasant sound of his clock alarm. Which meant he’d slept through his phone’s alarm. And for a moment he glared blearily at the noisemaker before smacking at it with his palm. Ugh, he felt like rubbish. The back of his throat was burning with the irritation that heralded a proper dose, his nose was threatening to drip every few seconds, and he had the uncomfortable flush that normally suggested a fever. Nothing high, just uncomfortable. Nothing deadly, just irritating. Nothing worth calling in sick with, just a full day of discomfort in the face of other people’s discomfort. It was going to be a day where he was forced to bite his tongue from telling people off. “You’re not as sick as I am, so off you pop.” Part 7 of Tumblr Shorts

Speak My Language by Itsallfine (T, 7,479 w. || Thanksgiving, Love Languages, Love Confessions, First Kiss) – When Mrs. Hudson introduces John and Sherlock to the concept of the five love languages, Sherlock descends into a dark mood and John’s curiosity gets the better of him. What is Sherlock’s love language, and why does the whole concept set him so on edge? Part 1 of A Holiday Triptych

The Name Game by ItsClydeBitches221B (K, 8,958 w. || Humour, Family, Platonics / Friendship, Sort-of Parentlock, John/Mary, Mary is Nice, Five and Ones, Baby Watson, Mycroft Loves Baby Watson) – The names that baby girl Watson comes up with for her extended family. Or: how everyone—Watsons, Holmes, and others alike— just learned to give up and embrace their weirdness.

How To Give Your Boyfriend Who Doesn’t Know He’s Your Boyfriend the Best Valentine’s Day Ever byunicornpoe (T, 9,832 w. || Valentine’s Day, Fluff and Crack, Soft Sherlock, POV Sherlock) – Sherlock is pretty sure that John Watson is his boyfriend. He’s also pretty sure that John doesn’t know it. But with a little help from a magazine, some friends, three crepes, five dates, one awesome CD, and a stalker van, John is bound to realize just in time for Valentine’s Day.

A Is For Aftermath by ElvendorkInfinity (T, 10,567 w. || Injury / Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Pre-Slash/Bromance/Platonics, Hallucinations, Introspection, Insecure / Worried John, Big Brother Mycroft, Alternating POV, Anxious Sherlock, Self-Deprecating, Mildly Possessive Sherlock, 3G Moment) – John is still hallucinating, Sherlock cannot sleep, and Lestrade has a new case for them. But will life at 221B ever be able to return to normal? Epilogue to M is for Moriarty.

Shuteye Shenanigans by Ayakae (K+, 13,263 w. || Post-TRF, Friendship / Epic Bromance, John’s Nightmares, Angsty Fluff, Bed Sharing, Humour, Cuddles, Taking Care of Each Other, Domestics) – John Watson has never slept with Sherlock Holmes. Never ever ever. And never will, thank you very much. Well, there was that one time, but John didn’t count that. It was completely different, just like the second time it happened. And the third. And the fourth. Epic bromance, but it can be read as pre-slash if you wish.

Hope for Heroes by Richefic (K+, 16,887 w. || Post-TGG Fic, Introspection / Flashbacks, Friendship/Epic Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Worried/Anxious Sherlock, Sherlock Admires John, BAMF John, John Deduces, Fancy Party, John’s Self Esteem, Domestics) – In the final moments of “The Great Game” Holmes hopes he will have the chance to tell his flatmate that he was wrong. Heroes do exist after all and the one in front of him is called Dr John Watson.

Through the Clouds by Mazarin221b (E, 20,004 w. || Retirement, Sussex, Bees, Home Improvement, First Time, Romance) – Sherlock takes a remarkably early retirement at 47, and convinces John that a change of pace would do them both good. They buy an old cottage on the South Downs, and exchange their nonstop life in Baker Street for quiet contemplation, bee studies, and book writing. They might go completely insane, but sometimes it takes stepping outside of the life you’re living to find the life you want. Part 1 of Through The Clouds

Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. “You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie’s class and you won’t have to share a room with a stranger?” “Exactly.” Sherlock beamed at him. “Don’t worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us.”

The Book of Silence by SilentAuror (E, 60,056 w. || S4 Fix It / Post S4, Virgin Sherlock, Rosie / Parentlock, Domesticity, Fluff, Praise Kink, Sex Toys, First Person POV) – As spring blooms in London, John and Sherlock begin to take new cases and cautiously negotiate this new phase of life with John living at Baker Street again. Despite how well it’s all going, John struggles to forgive himself for the way he treated Sherlock following Mary’s death as well as trying to figure out how to finally put his long-time feelings for Sherlock into words. Part 1 of The Book of Silence/Rosa Felicia

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 54 - Clowns, tattoos and flamingos

In the previous chapter: they’ve just met again and Grace can’t stand Stone’s excessive sweetness and affection. She blurts it out to him, only to discover it was just some kind of test the guitarist set up to find out her intentions. They talk it out and decide to take things slowly with their relationship. Meg has to deal with two guys who try to hit on her then has a quick exchange with Mike Starr. She “uses” him to make McCready jealous and gets angry when she sees him apparently acting silly with two girls. A few days pass and Angie, suddenly gifted with a free day, goes to Eddie’s apartment with the excuse of bringing him cake before the show at the Off Ramp that evening. They spend the afternoon together, Angie’s still tense when she’s with him and feels stupid for that but she slowly loosens up a bit. Jeff comes back home and breaks up their romance. Angie leaves with an excuse. Eddie follows her to get a “proper” goodbye with a kiss and asks her about their relationship because he wants to know where this is going. And that’s what she secretely wants to know too. They make it clear that they are a couple.

**

“JESUS. CHRIST.” and Eddie finally meets my sonic bomb “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?”

“It’s just my alarm clock” I stretch out to turn it off and turn around, finding him sittin in the bed, his hair covering half of his face.

“So much for an alarm clock… sounds like a fucking air raid siren” he goes on, looking at nothing in front of him with his only half closed eye I can see.

“I’m a heavy sleeper” I explain as I put my arms under the pillow and bury my face in it.

“I see” I feel him slowly shifting under the blankets until he comes close and reaches out for me with a hug.

“You never sleep, you can’t understand” I turn on my side and my face is just inches from his.

“Now I slept very good though” he kisses me lightly on my lips, dry an rough like sandpaper against his soft ones.

“Double bed is confy, huh?” I mean, I surely don’t complain when we snuggle up on his single bed to sleep.

“Sure, ‘cause it’s all about the bed, obviously” his embrace tightens and I know getting up this morning will be double difficult.

“I’m sorry I woke you up from one of your best sleeping times. Today I work an awful shift” I try and let go of him but Eddie intertwines his legs with mine to keep me from moving.

“I need to have a serious chat with Jack…” he starts showering my face with kisses, from my cheek, then towards my ear, then again on my cheek pretty close to the corner of my mouth.

“Hehe I wish I was working at the mini mart, I’d go to work in my pjs. And I wouldn’t get up at a quarter to six”

“A QUART- err, sorry… it’s a fucking quarter to six in the morning?” Eddie yells into my ear for a second, then settles for a volume more suitable for dawn.

“Yeah. I work the breakfast-shift at Roxy's” I sigh and it looks like my morning misfortune is getting me extra cuddle.

“Since when?”

“Since I have to return the favour to people who covered my shifts for me when I was away”

“Uh. It’s my fault then” Eddie props his head up on an elbow on the pillow and gazes down at me.

“Ehehe no, well, it’s not”

“I’m sorry” he gives me a pouty face that would knock me out if I weren’t already lying down.

“No problem, it was worth it” I try and untangle my legs from him but the dumbass won’t let me.

“Oh really?” I can see the glimpse in his eyes even in the half darkness of my room.

“Yes”

“Well, in that case…” he dives down and kisses me, running his fingers through my hair, then backs up on his back on the bed trying to pull me over him.

“Eddie… I gotta get up” I try and resist between kisses but I’m not exactly convinced in the first place.

“Five minutes” he replies pushing himself and me on my side of the bed once again.

I grab his t-shirt, shut my eyes and in a few seconds he seals my eyelids with kisses, then my lips again, while his hair tickle my face and arrange itself independently as to shielding us both like a tent.

“Eddie?” I don’t really know how much time has passed but I try and catch his attention the moment he slows down with kisses.

“Five minutes” he repeats, rubs on my leg then holds on to it and kisses me with more passion.

The fact I’ve been getting accostumed to Eddie’s lovely torturing techniques for the past ten days doesn’t mean I learned how to keep a cool head in these moments. Actually he kisses me for more than five seconds and I fucking lose my mind, and I don’t mean figuratively. Also when he’s just thinking about kissing me, while I’m talking normally or saying some stupid shit, that is basically the same thing, and he breaks eye contact with me and starts looking around until he sets his eyes on the lower part of my face, as if he tried to read my lips; when he’s still in that moment of reflection, that I’ve now learned to recognize, that comes right before the approach and the attack, my words regularly begin to sound muffled and totally unnecessary, and my head becomes lighter, so light that if it wasn’t for him holding me up with a kiss, it would probably fall off my neck.

“Eddie” I try again as he’s busy giving me light and subtle pecks going from my chin to my jawline. He hooks his finger under the collar of my pyjama top and pulls it aside to kiss my shoulder.

“Eddie?”

“Mm?” he mumbles withough interrupting his business.

“Come on… I gotta… open… the diner” the little shit turns his kisses into bites right when I speak and makes it difficult for me to open my mouth without losing track of my words and keeping my breath regular.

“One minute left”

“Roxy’s… she’s gonna… ugh… kick my ass, Eddie, com-me ooon” he keeps his game going and I’m so close I can see the corner of his mouth curl up in a grin.

Obviously getting up from this bed is the last thing I’d do now but, really, if I’m late today that I have to open the restaurant, I’ll be dead.

“I’ll give you a ride so you’ll get there on time, ok?” he suggests and stops kissing me for a while, covering my shoulder back up and staring at the imaginary lines he’s drawing on the fabric of my pyjama with his fingers.

“Ok” it takes me a while to answer, enchanted by his touch and the sound of his deep breath.

“Fine” he loosens his grip on my thigh and gives me a small peck on the lips. Then another. Then one more, then two more, three… With his free hand he gently strokes my hair and forehead.

“Eddie”

“Thirty… twenty-nine… twenty-eight…” he starts whispering every time his lips touch mine and it makes me laugh. But that doesn’t prevent him from keeping on going.

“These seconds are veeery long” I joke after a while, pretending to check an imaginary watch on my wrist.

“TEN, NINE, EIGHT…” Eddie’s kiss are shorter and faster and he counts loudly at every smack “TWO, ONE” and instead of zero there’s one last long and delicious kiss.

Eddie untangles his legs from mine, pulls away from me and rolls on his side of the bed with a sigh. Am I still able to breathe? I don’t know. Looks like I can. With difficulty, I pull myself up sitting on the bed, I push the duvet aside and swing my legs off the bed to get up. I’m feeling the floor around with the tip of my toes searching for my slippers, as I stretch out my limbs and let out a huge yawn, when I suddenly feel two very strong hands grabbing my hips and pulling me back on the bed.

“What the-” I can barely register what’s happening, I’m immediately silenced by Eddie’s mouth and it seems like he’s trying to devour my lips with kisses that are… rougher? Yeah, I think that’s the word, rough and impatient. With a quick move of his knee between my legs he widens them and crawls in between and literally crashes down on me, as he keeps showering me with kisses and caressing me everywhere. As a reflex, I tighten my legs slightly and the movement doesn’t go unnoticed because Eddie starts grinding his hips and rubbing himself against me.

Fuck. It’s happening.

I guess the time has come. Unexpectedly? I wouldn’t say that, we’ve been dating for a couple of weeks, I knew we’d have soon gone from making out to something more. Actually I was expecting it to happen earlier. We’ve been spending the last three nights at home together with the excuse of the rain, the cold weather, not being in the mood to go out and having to wake up early. I slept at his place twice thanks to Jeff being at Laura’s apartment. I thought (and well, yeah, hoped) that the forced proximity caused by Eddie’s single bed would have inevitably led us to sex. But it didn’t happen. That’s why last night, since I knew Meg would have come home late, because of the rain, the cold, I don’t know, the locusts and some other shit, I asked him to come over. The comfort of my double bed could maybe help the natural course of things. Nothing. As usual, Eddie took his time for kissing and cuddling and torturing, and god bless that, but when he said Good night and I felt his grip on me slowly loosen up as he drifted off to sleep, I knew nothing would have happened. And I actually felt a little bad about it. It’s true that I’m very nervous about this and also kind of worried and I also feel slightly intimidated whenever a certain line is crossed and we get too close… Ok, I’m just scared and I feel stupid about it. But the idea to make it with him doesn’t only inspire unjustified terror but well, obviously, also a whole wide spectrum of very different emotions. And all the emotions are gathering together in this moment, which is not exactly the right one. I mean, Eddie, we got a lot of chances before, and you make up your mind just today that I have to open the diner?? And where the hell are my hands? I always ask myself this question whenever I’m with Eddie for a reason. And as a matter of fact, my arms lie randomly still on the bed, one is on the pillow, with my fingers entangled in my hair, the other one hanging freely off the bed. I join my hands behind Eddie’s neck. He responds sliding his hand inside my pyjama pants and strongly grabbing my ass cheek. The vehemency of the act surprises me and I let out something between a yelp and a groan, because obviously I can’t help making a complete ass of myself even before my first time with the perfect guy. Eddie grins against my lips and gives me another squeeze, which later turns into a pat and a stroke from my butt to my hips.

“I’ll go make coffee” the sexiest voice asks this question and of course I don’t understand shit because I don’t even know where I am. I only know I can’t feel his body on mine anymore, and neither his touch.

“Huh?” I open my eyes and see him as he lifts up on his arm and pulls his hair back with the other hand to keep it away from his face.

“I mean, I’ll go and get dressed quickly and make coffee while you shower and get ready so we can save time”

“Uh! Y-yeah, ok”

“Ok” Eddie leans on me for a quick kiss on my lips, still holding his hair back with his hand, then jumps out of bed and a second later he already has his pants on. He’s about to open the door, then turns towards me one more time “No milk, no sugar, right?”

“Yes, thanks” I reply to his cruel display of cheekbones and dimples and he’s out of here right after that.

Right, no sugar for me this morning.

**

“God, it’s not even 10!” Steffy complains behind the counter, focused on cutting oranges for the juice, and I hear the bad news too.

“What the fuck?” as I pass the umpteenth order to Brian in the kitchen, I look at the clock on the wall and have the sad confirmation.

“Yeah, time won’t pass today” poor girl, she isn’t used to this shift either.

Yet we got a lot of customers today and when there’s a lot of work, time usually goes fast, especially in the morning. But that’s not happening today.

“Aren’t those your friends?” I turn around at Steffy’s questions and I almost drop the tray I’ve just taken with everything on it when I see Eddie, Stone and Mike in the middle of the room, looking around in search of a table.

“Yes, they are” Stone finds a place in Steffy’s sector and points it to the others, while Eddie spots me and nods at me as soon as we make eye contact. Strangely enough I remember how to keep my balance, food gets safely to the table in the corner and I can go back to take the other dishes.

“Take care of them, let’s swap, ok?” the blond girl smiles at me and walks away with pen and notepad in her hands, welcoming a group of girls sitting at a table that was supposed to be mine.

I take a deep breath and go to meet the three. Come on, they’re friends, arent’ they? And they can’t read minds, as far as I know. Anyway since things with Eddie have err… changed, I always feel awkward around the guys. On one hand it’s like I’m afraid of letting them know inadvertently, on the other hand I feel guilty because of this secret. Because I’m hiding something from them that, to a certain extent, involves them too. And I feel guilty towards Eddie, ‘cause I know he doesn’t like this at all. I play dumb, get to their table and I’m about to open my mouth when the juke box unexpectedly starts calling me.

Angelina, Angelina, please bring down your concertina

And play a welcome for me ‘cause I’ll be coming home from sea

“You don’t know anything about this, right?” I look at them as they silenty chuckle.

“You won’t believe that” Mike starts.

“Yeah, actually I already don't”

“He hasn’t said anything yet” Stone complains.

“I don’t believe you on mistrust”

“We were round there looking for a table and my eye came right across this song” Gossard adds, mimicking the scene with the juke-box-shaped napkin dispenser.

“How fortunate” I keep my hands on my hips in a threatening position.

“It’s a very happy song” Mike chimes in trying to make things better.

“And it really suits her, look at her” Stone jokes pointing at my bitchy face and they all laugh, Eddie included. And he hasn’t spoken a word yet.

“What do you want to eat?” I roll my eyes and then look down at my notepad, holding the pen, ready to take their orders.

“I’ll have a Big Bopper with caramel sauce. And a cup of coffee” Stone answers.

“Coffee for me too, possibly intravenous, darling” Mike bares his arm and holds it out dramatically on the table towards me. Maybe it’s just me but I have the feeling that, since things between Meg and him got more complicated, Mike’s doing everything to be funny and kind to me. I’m not saying he’s not sincere, maybe he’s just afraid he could come out as colder or more distant since he and my friend are avoiding each other. So he’s always cracking jokes or calling me names to give the idea nothing’s changed between us.

“Hehe and don’t you want anything to eat?”

“No, thanks. I’ll eat some of Stone’s pancakes”

“No fuckin'way, buy something for yourself!”

“But that’s a huge portion, you couldn’t eat it all by yourself not even if you wanted to”

“You don’t know me well yet then”

“Come oooon”

“And if I got leftovers, rather than give them to you, I’d feed them to the first stray dog I meet on the road. Or to Jeff Ament. That is basically the same thing”

I enjoy the fight between the two and make eye contact with Eddie, who smiles at me but seems completely unaffected by what his friends are saying.

“Eddie, what about you? What will you eat?” I ask and focus back on the notepad.

“Uhm let me see… surely something to eat because I’m starving…” Eddie takes the menu and starts examining it now “Also because I only had a quick coffee this morning”

“Oh really??” I ask him abruptly, maybe too much, so that the guitarists give me a puzzled look.

“Yeah, I was in a hurry, kind of” he goes on and Stone’s about to open his mouth, surely to ask him the reason for that, and I can’t let him.

“Ok so I suggest Big Kahuna, which is the most nutritious thing we have in the menu! What do you want with your eggs? You can choose between plain potatoes or hash brown, of course I’ll write not to give you bacon. Wait, you eat eggs, right? Hehe I always forget, are you vegetarian or vegan? Sorry, I’m dumb” I begin blathering on leaving the guys speechless. Eddie gives me the same perplexed look he gave me the first time we met, right in this diner, while I was spewing random words out at him. There was no audience back then though. And why did I remember this right now? And why are my knees shaking?

“Yeah yeah, I eat them but now… I’m more in the mood for something sweet.” Eddie says hiding a little smile behind the menu “I’ll take a Wake up, little Susie”

“Oh great! What will you have with waffles?”

“Chocolate syrup and hazelnuts” he closes the menu and holds it out at me.

“Would you like whipped cream too?” I try and take the menu from him but he won’t let go.

“Yes, thank you” he basically electrocutes me on the spot with his smile and lets go of the menu.

“You didn’t ask me if I wanted it!” Stone pouts and Mikes laughs at his face.

“Would you like whipped cream with your pancakes too, Stone?”

“God no, I hate it, but thanks all the same” he gives me a huge grin and hands me his and Mike’s menus.

“I’ll be back soon” I tear them off his hands and walk away.

I slip the order to the kitchen and take the coffee pot Steffy had just prepared. I fill the cups and bring them to the three weirdos table. One of them also happens to be particularly attractive today.

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream dream dream

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream dream dream

When I want you in my arms

When I want you and all your charms

Whenever I want you all I have to do is

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream dream dream

What if they selected this one too… Nah, it can’t be.

“Hot coffee with cold milk cream for Stone, my favorite one that is black for Mike and two sugar spoons for Eddie”

“Eddie didn’t ask you for coffee” Mike squints at me suspiciously.

“Oh. That’s true. Well, I gave it for gra-”

“You did fine, I really need to recharge batteries.” Eddie takes the cup in his hands while mine’s still there too and our fingertips lightly brush against each other for a second before I pull mine back.

“Early wake up, huh?” Gossards says and hides behind a sip of his coffee.

“Hehe yeah. And it was hard. I never ever wanted to get out of that bed…” he replies to Stone but he’s actually talking to me and I can’t do nothing but run away with the excuse of meeting new customers.

I take another couple of orders and from the kitchen they pass me the dishes for the guys. I put them on a tray and basically throw everything on their table before leaving, trying to avoid any other potentially embarrassing exchange.

Little bitty pretty one

Come on and talk to me

Lovey dovey lovey one

Come sit down on my knee

I give the paper bag containing two muffins and coffee to go to a guy with a nice fluo green mohawk, who left me the change as a tip. I try and keep my feet still whereas they’d love to keep the rhythm of the song by Thurston Harris, I take a glance at my friends table and meet Eddie’s eyes. This time he winks at me. Is he the author of this music selection? The strawberry shaped kitchen clock hanging under the counter beeps and that only means one thing: it’s time to clean the restroom and it’s up to me now. A brief look at the room to check everything’s calm and leave for the bathroom. The conditions are less desperate than I thought but I still don’t understand why women’s toilet is always the worst. I’m mopping the floor to La Bamba when I hear the door opening.

“The floor is wet, be careful”

“I will, thank you” that voice makes me snap with the mop in my hands and I end up pointing it right at his face.

“Eddie!”

“I come in peace” he puts his hands up and giggles at me.

“Why are you here?”

“Why do you usually go to the toilet?”

“And do you need to go now?”

“Yeah, it seems so… can’t I? And can you please put that thing down? It’s pretty threatening”

“I’ve just cleaned” I answer as I lower my guard and the mop and put it against the wall.

“I know, I swear I’ll take aim and hit the target right” one more wink, one more shitty grin before putting his hands down and get into one of the men’s stalls.

I shake my head and take the mop back. Why did I put it down then? What was I thinking? That Eddie’d come close and kiss me? At the restroom? Wow, Angie, aren’t you getting too romantic? I wash the bucket and the mop, I get out of the bathroom and with the keys I have hanging from a chain around my neck I open the closet that is exactly on the opposite side of the hallway, where I put everything away and look for garbage bags, paper towels and the yellow Wet Floor sign. I can’t hear who’s silently sneaking behind my back.

“Angie”

“Yeah?” I turn around and Eddie’s answer is taking my face between his hands and kissing me, the closet door shielding us from the rest of the world.

“What the hell are you doing?!” I protest in a low voice pushing him away.

“I washed my hands, I swear” he jokes and I’d slap him but slaps make noise and catch the attention, so I can’t.

“Eddie, stop joking”

“Aw come on, I wanted to kiss you… isn’t it obvious?” he gestures for me to listen.

Well when I was a young man, never been kissed

I got to thinking it over how much I had missed

So I got me a girl and I kissed her and then, and then

Oh lordy, well I kissed her again

Because she had kisses sweeter than wine…

“How many coins did you put into that fucking thing? Did you rob a church or something?”

“May god forgive me” he shakes his head and kisses me again, this time a little longer, before I push him away once again.

“Stop it! Someone could see us”

“I just borrowed some, I’ll give the money back to the priest tomorrow, trust me”

“What if Mike or Stone or both see us?” I ignore his jokes.

“Oh yeah. That would be a tragedy. Real drama. We can’t let it happen” he nods with a straight face then kisses me again, this time pushing me hard against the closet door, which opens wide and potentially makes us visible to a small part of the dining room.

“Is that what you’re trying to do? The subtleties, the jokes, the subliminal messages through songs, the attack at the bathroom… You’re trying to get us caught, aren’t you?” I take control of the situation and pull the closet door back behind me.

“I’m not doing it on purpose. I’m not doing anything. I just think it wouldn’t be so bad if they saw us kiss, like, who cares? It’s no big deal” he shrugs. And gets on my nerves.

“Yeah, no big deal, right? After all it’s only a favor I asked you, what’s the big deal? Just because something is important for me, it doesn’t mean it has to be for you too. I mean, who cares, right? You might as well have told them already” I take all the stuff I need, lock the closet, go past Eddie and back to the restroom.

“They don’t know anything.” Eddie follows me and stops at the doorway. I don’t reply and just look up at him “I didn’t tell them anything and I won’t tell them as long as you don’t want them to know”

“Ok” I open the paper towels dispenser and fill it up.

“And yeah, songs are messages, but they’re for you”

“Ok” I put the new garbage bags in the bins.

“And if you listen carefully, you’ll find out they’re not even that subliminal”

“Alright”

“I’m sorry” Eddie’s leaning against the sink, hands in pockets, staring at the floor.

“No, I am sorry” I walk up to him and bow down trying to meet his eyes and get back face to face with him.

“Hehe I think I’d better go back to the dining room” he smiles and looks up.

“Same here or Steffy will start cursing me if more people enter” I stand straight too and at this point I expect one last kiss from Eddie. Instead he pulls his hand out of his pocket and gently strokes my cheek, he smiles and just leaves like that.

I freeze in the middle of the restroom and just stand there forever until a high pitched voice wakes me up.

“Is it dry now? Can I?” a kid asks peeping inside through the door.

“Yes, sure, come in” I get out of the bathroom and back to reality as I think that the girl must have skipped school. I get to the dining room and spot two new couples of customers. I ask Steffy and she quickly says they’ve just arrived and I can take it slow. In the meantime I see Eddie standing at the juke box and I can’t help smiling internally. What does he have in store for me now? I look at him as he goes back to the table and takes his seat. Stone and Mike are having an apparently lively debate. I go and meet my new customers.

“Welcome to Roxy’s, I’m Angie. Do you already have an idea or can I recommend you something?”

Bb7 – G7 – D7

Three simple chords that make the intro of a song I love by The Flamingos. And I’m pretty sure Eddie has no idea. I ask the woman who’s just spoken to repeat what she asked, pretending the pen has suddenly stopped functioning, and try to focus.

My love must be a kind of blind love

I can’t see anyone but you

I write down Joe Di Maggio cheeseburger and Fats Domino Deluxe and walk back to the kitchen, barely avoiding a head-on collision with Steffy that luckily I don’t knock down.

Are the stars out tonight

I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright

I give the note with the orders to the guys in the kitchen and lean against the wall as if I was about to fall.

The moon may be high

But I can’t see a thing in the sky

I only have eyes for you

A quick glance at my friends’ table and I see Stone holding the plate of pancakes in his hands, trying to keep it away from Mike, who dangerously comes close holding a fork. Eddie looks at me, perfectly still behind them.

I don’t know if we’re in a garden

Or on a crowded avenue

Mike stretches himself across the table and manages to steal a piece of pancakes from Stone, he bites it and blatantly chews on it with an open mouth to spite his friend. Eddie shifts on his seat, turning towards me.

You are here

And so am I

Maybe millions of people go by

Stone crumples a paper napkin and throws it at Mike, who takes it and throws it back at him and it ends right into Stone’s coffee cup. Eddie keeps on staring at me, putting one hand on his own cup, maybe to prevent it from being targeted as well, and tapping his fingers against it. From the kitchen I get another tray and quickly take it to the table.

But they all disappear from view

And I only have eyes for you

Once the customers get their food, I make my way back towards the counter. As I walk past the guys, Mike and Stone are subtly throwing food at each other and kicking each other under the table. Eddie’s eyes are following me and I fixate myself senseless on his fingertips running along the brim of his cup, until I crash into the cardboard cutout of Betty Boop in roller skates in the corner.

“Is everything alright?” Steffy asks me as she takes back the luckily empty tray I’ve just dropped on the floor, catching the attention of everybody in the room.

“Yeah yeah! Hehe it just… it just slipped” the juke box goes silent but my thoughts are very loud, especially when I take another look at Eddie, who smiles and looks… satisfied?

********************************************************************************************************************************

This bag weighs a ton. Maybe I got a little carried away at the library. I drag myself across the hallway up to my apartment’s door and it’s basically just adrenaline pushing me forward because thanks to late clubbing with Melanie last night, work shift at the salon, work shift at Roxy’s, the interview and my research, I consumed all my energy reserve. I turn the key into the lock and I can’t wait to jump in my bed face first without even undressing. I get in and notice lights are on in the living room and I guess Angie went out so fast to go see his significant other’s concert that she forgot to turn them off. But the unmistakable sound of someone crunching crispy chips disproves my theory.

“Hi Meg!” she greets me from the couch before I could go and scare her as I always do.

Big fluffy pink robe, blanket on her lap, chips bowl resting on the couch, dish with two still packaged sandwiches in it, glass of water on the coffee table. And without a coaster underneath. Something’s wrong here.

“Angie, hi! What are you doing at home?”

“I… live here? Or maybe I’ve been evicted in the meantime and didn’t get the notification?”

“Why aren’t you at the Off Ramp?” I ignore her joke ‘cause I’m tired and I don’t feel like beating around the bush for an hour with Angie’s non existing problems and mind-fucks before finally getting to the point as usual.

“I woke up at dawn this morning and it’s been a busy day, I’ll pass tonight. They’ll play there next Friday too, so…” Angie hands me the bowl and I grab a handful of chips before sitting next to her on the couch.

“Ok. And why aren’t you at the Off Ramp for real?” it’s true, our friends are playing gigs there basically every week but let’s not kid ourselves, surely there’s some other stupid fucking reason.

“Why do you always think there’s a secret story behind everything?” she asks reading my mind. Nuh, she’s not a wizard, it’s just that she always follows the same mental patterns and keeps repeating her silly schemes.

“Not always, only when it’s about you” I smile and take some more chips.

“Ok ok! I’m not there because I’m tired and… I want to avoid awkward encounters with movie stars like the other night” Angie puts the plate with sandwiches on the table and pouts, crossing her arms.

The last Pearl Jam show, again at the Off Ramp, was chosen by Cameron Crowe as a chance for the cast of the movie he’s about to film here in Seattle to meet each other for the fist time. The choice wasn’t random, Cam wanted the actors to soak up the atmosphere of the local music scene right from the start, since music plays a great role in the city life. And as far as I understood, music will have big space in the movie itself. Angie didn’t take it well, despite her cinematic inclinations.

“Said the woman whose future is a career in the movie industry”

“What’s with that? I wanna write, screenplayers don’t meet actors”

“Yes they do!”

“No they fuckin’ don’t!”

“They do at the Oscars”

“Well I can rest easy then, because I’ll never see an Oscar unless it’s in a picture, Meg”

“Anyway the scene of you hyperventilating in front of Matt Dillon was priceless”

“My god” Angie hides her face into her hands but not for long, because one hand soon dives back into the chips bowl.

“You blanched all of a sudden, I thought you were going to puke on him anytime soon”

“I was close. I get out of the bathroom and find Flamingo Kid just standing there, it’s not something you just see every day”

“Anyway you’ll get used to that, they’ll be around for the whole filming process”

“I hope it’s a short process”

“Hahaha didn’t you ask Cam if you could go and watch?”

“Watching as they’re filming is one thing, Henry Fonda’s granddaughter asking you for a Tampax is something totally different… I’d rather not deal with that”

“Come on, it only happened once, it’s not like they’ll always hang out at the Off Ramp”

“And what if they want to get into character more?”

“Alright your pathologic shyness explains why you’re here and not at the concert. But what about the rest?” I cut the long story short, always because I’m tired of Angie’s shit.

“The rest? What rest?”

“What’s that?” I point at the plate with sandwiches.

“My dinner!” she exclaims and promptly grabs it, as if she’d just remembered about it now.

“Did you come home late?”

“Not really”

“And why is your dinner made of two factory sandwiches and chips?”

“I didn’t feel like preparing anything” she shrugs and turns on the tv as if nothing happened.

“Right, I knew something was wrong, are you feeling ok?” I put my hand on her forehead and she pushes it away laughing.

“Meg, you have to erase this image of me from your mind once and for all, I’m not some kind of Martha Stewart” she shakes her head and starts unwrapping one of the sandwiches.

“You may not be Martha Stewart but… not feeling like making yourself a fucking sandwich,  deliberately ignoring water spots on the table and crumbles on the couch… that’s not you, so let’s cut the crap and just tell me: what’s your problem?”

“There’s no problem!”

“Come on, don’t waste my time. I have big news for you and at the same time I wanna go to sleep so bad, so just tell me, please”

“What news?” she’s about to bite on the sandwich but puts it back in the plate.

“You’ll know if you spill the beans”

“No, please, I wanna know now!”

“You first”

“No, you go first. If I go first we’ll end up talking about me the whole evening and when it’s your turn we’ll only get like five minutes left. This time let’s do it the other way round, you first, then me”

“So you admit you’ve got something to talk about… then!”

“Well… yeah” she confesses looking down at her plate.

“HA! I KNEW THAT!”

“But I’ll keep my mouth shut until you tell me about your fucking news”

“Oh no big deal, I’ve simply figured out what I want to do with my life”

“Wow… no big deal, huh?” she takes again the sandwich and finally bites it.

“Yeah, nothing really”

“Did you see Mike? Did you talk?” she turns to face me and crosses her legs on the couch.

“Mike? What’s that got to do with Mike?”

“Isn’t it about Mike?” I can sense a hint of disappointment in her voice. A horror fan turned into a love stories addict? Since when?

“No, at least, not as you think. It’s about him in the sense that I realized I have to let it go”

“Did you lose hope?” it looks like Angie hasn’t lost it, she looks like someone who’s about to pull out a banner from the couch pillows with CREADY FOR PRESIDENT written on it or something like that.

“I didn’t lose anything. I just understood that I can’t concentrate all my energies into being miserable because of men. Feelings and relationships are wonderful but my life can’t focus just on that” I explain as I take hold of the chips bowl.

“You never did that”

“Oh yes I did, I’ve been doing it lately. My main thoughts being: Matt, Mike, Matt-or-Mike, who wants me, who’s the highest bidder… I mean, I realized that at some point everything started to revolve around someone liking me or not, one of them, both, or someone new. I stopped focusing on the rest, on the stuff that really counts for me. How long is it since I last tested a new face mask on you?”

“My skin impurities are what counts the most for you?” she gives me a side look as she’s finished her first sandwich and cleans her mouth with a napkin.

“You know what I mean. I’ve been studying to become an esthetician and not just as a fall-back but because it’s one of my passions. Yet I stopped keeping up with the new stuff, I stopped committing myself and getting involved and I stopped trying to get any better. I even stopped drawing more or less. I used to draw every single day and not because I wanted to become an artist but because I just couldn’t help it”

“You are an artist, Meg”

“But I set my art and my interests aside and focused on frivolous stuff”

“Being with somebody is not frivolous” Angie unwraps the second sandwich and bites it right away.

“Of course not! But chasing someone who doesn’t want you is. Putting pride aside is one thing, questioning yourself repeatedly and throwing your dignity out of the window is another thing”

“That’s true” she swallows the first bit with a sip of water and emphasize her words with some kind of toast gesture.

“Like it’s frivolous to try to be liked by everyone and find a man, any man. I don’t want a random guy, and most of all I don’t want to be a random girl for anyone”

“What do you mean?”

“In Portland I saw two girls flashing Mike and some of his stupid friends”

“Oh well, that doesn’t mean anything, it’s not like Mi-”

“I know, I know. It’s not that I’m jealous or shit like that. I mean, maybe a little, but that’s not the point. In that moment I got mad but then that scene really made me think. I was just standing there, thinking about how silly Mike was for dumping me and then content himself with chicks like those two, girls that have nothing to offer but their body and their being available. And from there I started thinking and ended up wondering: what about me then? What do I have to offer? What did I give to him? And I realized that the answer was a big nothing”

“What do you mean? Are you trying to say you’re empty? You know you’re not”

“Yeah, I know! I’m not but that’s what I’ve been giving to Mike, especially lately, and to Matt too as little as we had together. Do you know how it all started between Mike and I?”

“Stone hooked him up with you” Angie finishes her sandwich and keeps the plate with wrapping plastic and the used napkin on her lap.

“Yeah, also. He used to come to the diner and I used to go to watch him practice and play at parties, he used to make me mix tapes and I used to give him a drawing I had made on a napkin every day”

“I’m this far from glycemic peak, I warn you” she jokes showing a tiny measure with her fingers.

“When we started dating we used to share everything, we exchanged books, records, I used to tell him about me, my past, what I expected and hoped for my future… And he did the same. But lately, even when things were kinda ok and there were no fights or contrasts between us, there wasn’t actually nothing anymore. Only tension, side remarks, jokes, our well played roles, and sex”

“That’s still al lot…” she mumbles tossing the plate on the small table and this makes me suspicious.  I make a mental note to investigate further later.

“I quit taking care of myself, cultivating me”

“So the big news are you’re gonna finally start taking care of yourself again?”

“Yes. That one. And that I’ll become a tattoo artist”

“Huh?”

As I eat some more chips with Angie, I tell her how I came to this conclusion. Maya, a regular customer at the salon, and also my favorite one, has long since got rid of her abusive, manipulative and violent ex boyfriend, who hurt both her body and her soul. She vented out with me like many women do, as they often mistake the hairdresser’s chair for a therapist’s couch, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Between waxes and treatments she showed me the long scar, the last one, that asshole left her as a gift on her belly before ending up in prison right for stabbing her just outside her parents house, since she was hiding there to escape from him. Now Maya wanted to cover that gash with a tattoo: she thought that getting rid of the physical marks that experience had left her would have helped her getting rid, with time, of the emotional scars too. Since she knew I’m good at drawing, Maya asked me to sketch something for her tattoo. Her idea was simple: a bird flying away from an open cage, finally free.

“I felt the weight of responsibility on me and I started working on it immediately. And as I did I realized this sense of responsibility came, ok, surely from the sad story behind it, but also from the idea that something made by me, my creation, would have become part of someone’s looks, for ever. Do you know what I mean?”

“Art for eternity in a strictly human sense?”

“Yes. Also. I don’t know. But, more humbly, the idea that this person would carry around the product of my creativity. That someone else may see it, I don’t know, one day at the beach, and maybe ask her ‘Wow, where did you get that? It’s great, who did it?’ and she’d go ‘Meg McDonald’. Because in my little daydream the drawing is great. It must be at least amazing, it must be the best I can do. And if that’s not enough motivation…”

“Did you draw her tattoo in the end?”

“No. I mean, yeah, I did, but not as she wanted it. And this taught me another lesson about the creative process. I started with some sketches based on her idea but I was never satisfied, there was always something I wasn’t fully convinced about and it took me a while to understand what was out of place. When I figured it out, I talked to her about it and to a certain extent I involved her in the process”

“What was wrong with the bird escaping the cage?” she asks curious.

“The cage”

“What do you mean?”

“The metaphor is elementary, right? The cage is the criminal who tried to kill her, the bird is Maya. Why would she had that drawn on her and always bring it with her, on her skin, although it’s an open cage?”

“Right. The bird flies away and doesn’t look back, it leaves the cage behind”

“Exactly. I told her about it and the talk itself that we had was so… satisfying! She realized her initial idea was a representation of her difficulties in leaving such a violent past behind her and, as an absurd, in letting go of him; on the other hand, I’ve learned a lot about how to communicate an idea”

“What did you draw for her then?”

“I kept the freedom symbol of the bird and added another one, about life: the tree. I drew a tree with twisted trunk and branches that gradually dissolve into a bunch of birds flying away”

“Sounds great! Let me see it!”

“I don’t have it here, Maya has it. Actually her tattoo artist friend has it. He saw it and liked it a lot”

“See? It wasn’t awesome just in your daydream”

“In the end she told him who I am and this guy asked to meet me. I went to the tattoo parlour today”

“What? And why didn’t I know anything about it? Once you used to tell me things”

“My fault, I like talking about you too much” I pat her knee and she rolls her eyes.

“So? What did this guy say? Is he willing to teach you the sacred art of injecting ink under your skin?”

“No”

“What, no?”

“I mean, not yet. He said I have talent but I have to work on it. He thought this was an actual interview and was expecting me to show up with a portfolio or something. I just showed up with nothing. So he held a kind of special lesson for me about the tattoo world. He explained first what I have to do to make sure this is the right choice for me. Then, if the answer is positive, he told me what to do to try and get into that world”

“So don’t you wanna be an esthetician anymore?”

“Sure I want to! I wanna be both. Maybe. Haven’t tattoos got to do with feeling good with yourself, in your own skin? It’s self-expression but also decoration. It’s an aesthetic element that goes deeper”

“This means you’ll open the first beauty salon in America with a tattoo parlour attached?”

“You think you’re kidding me but that’s the idea, more or less. Don’t know if I’m the first though”

“And what do you have to do to get into the clan, according to tattoo guru?”

“Draw, draw as much as I can. Maybe take drawing classes too. Create a decent portfolio worth to look at and start going to different parlours, to apply for an apprenticeship, for free of course”

“Unpaid work? What a twist. That’s basically what you’re already doing at the beauty salon”

“Yep. But I thought about everything! In a couple of months I’ll be done with cosmetology school and I’ll get my degree. With that qualification I’ll be able to find a paid job in that branch and it will surely pay more than serving tables at Roxy’s. And at the same time, I could work for a tattoo artist, that’s if someone actually hires me, and learn as much as I can”

“Don’t you need some kind of licence?”

“Yeah but that comes later. Anyway before all this, there’s the research phase” I add grabbing the bag I threw on the floor beside the couch and dragging it towards me.

“What’s that? Do you go to the gym with Henry too? Or do you just take drugs?” she grins.

“No, I’ve just found a couple of things to get an introduction to the tattoo world” I explain as I pull out all the books I found at the library.

“A couple, huh?”

“It’s not just little drawings, you know. There’s history behind that, cultural and traditional motives. And then there are so many different styles. Oh I got a lot of stuff to study”

“Hehe I see” she remarks as the takes a volume from the pile and starts going through the pages.

“What do you think? I mean, do you think I’m crazy? Be honest…”

“Nuh, you’re not crazy. You’ve just stumbled across one thing, one idea that could eventually turn into a real, tangible project in our future. I can see you’re genuinely involved and interested. The worst thing that can happen is that at some point you may realize that’s not what you want to do. By then you’ll have at least learned something new anyway and fueled your artistic side”

“Thank you, it means a lot to me” and it’s not just something I say, Angie’s opinion weighs in this matter.

“Can I just make an observation?”

“Spit it out”

“You don’t have a single one” she goes on as she looks through other books.

“A single what?”

“Tattoo! You got none. A tattoo artist with no tattoos is a contradiction”

“Well because I never thought about it before. Now I will and I’ll come up with something meaningful for me too”

“By the way if you think I’ll volunteer for you in this too, forget it. You know I’m afraid of pain”

“You said that about waxing too”

“Haha yeah, that’s true! But waxing is not permanent, a tattoo is. And I can’t imagine anything representing me so much and being so… immutable. And that I feel like putting on my skin permanently”

“No big face of Eddie tattoed on your chest then?”

“Fuck you, Meg” Angie sulks and turns around looking away from me, focusing on the news on tv.

“Boobs make for cheekbones”

“Hahaha shut up!”

“Nipples for dimples”

“Will you stop??”

**

“Come on, I needed the joke as an introducion to the part where you do the talking” I collect all my books and the bag.

“Is it time already?”

“Yep” I leave to go to my bedroom to put all my stuff away.

“And how do you know that what I have to say is about Eddie?” she asks when I’m back into the living room.

“Woman’s intuition”

“It could be college stuff”

“You’ve got no exams in the near future. I mean, it’s almost Spring Break”

“What if I hate spring?”

“Haha sure”

“The sudden warmth, humidity”

“Yeah, of course. And pollen”

“Exactly! Pollen! Mosquitos!”

“Angie”

“Having to wear lighter clothes, you know I hate to uncover myself”

“ANGELINA PACIFICO??” I raise my voice and she jumps in her seat.

“Ok ok! It’s about Eddie…”

“What happened?”

“Nothing”

“Angie don’t make me want to yell at you”

“No, you don’t understand. That’s just the problem”

“No, actually, I don’t understand”

“The problem is that nothing has happened, between Eddie and I… yet” she admits nervously and what a better way to cut the tension than laughing at her face?

“HAHAHAHAHA god Angie, you’re so funny”

“It’s nice to know that I can always count on you in difficult times” she gets up with a huff, takes the plate, tears the bowl off my hands and walks away to the kitchen.

“ANGIE, YOU’VE BEEN GOING OUT FOR LIKE ONE DAY, JESUS CHRIST” I shout from the couch

“FIFTEEN, COUNTING FROM WHEN WE KISSED” she replies yelling from the kitchen.

“I see you’ve been flirting for months and this whole story of the oblivious lovers was getting fuckin’ boring and all. But give that poor fucker some time!” I can’t resist and get up to go to the kitchen, where I find her focused on washing the dish under the tap.

“It’s not just that, Meg. I can feel something’s wrong” she explains, still leaning on the sink.

“You can feel it. What the fuck are you feeling? It took you a lifetime only to realize he liked you… actually I’m afraid you’re not fully convinced yet”

“Exactly”

“EXACTLY WHAT?? HOLY SHIT, ANGIE, GO FIND YOURSELF A DOCTOR”

“Meg”

“I thought an ex Psychology student who dropped out on second year would be enough for you but now I believe you need a certified professional, a good one”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t like me” she turns around placing her hands on the edge of the sink.

“THANK GOD, FOR FUCK’S SAKE”

“But maybe he doesn’t like me… to that point”

“I knew there would be a but. What do you mean?”

“He doesn’t like me enough”

“Enough”

“Enough for… wanting to do that… with me”

“Wait, let me know if I got it right…” I sit down because,  yeah, it’s better “You’re telling me you suspect that Eddie finds you beautiful enough to kiss you, cuddle with you, sleep with you, and so on… but not hot enough to fuck you?”

“Well… that’s a very simplistic way to express that but… yeah”

“Since when, Angie?”

“Uhm, I don’t know, I started thinking about it almost from the beginning because he… starts… things and he seems very… into it but then he doesn’t… finish… anything. At some point he just stops and that’s it. He’s just sending me mixed messages”

“No, I mean, since when do you smoke crack?”

“Hahaha please”

“Because there’s no other explanation to such bullshit. How can you ever come up with something like that? How can you think of that?”

“Well, it can be”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, ANGIE?? That just doesn’t exist”

“Sure it exists. And it’s got a name too”

“Paranoia?”

“Martin”

“Martin?”

“Martin’s syndrome”

“Who the fuck is Martin?”

“My ex”

“Uh another one of your usual fucking syndromes, I see” I rub my hands on my face trying to stay sane. Angie’s shitty talks make me lose hundreds of brain cells each time.

“I told you about Martin, didn’t I?”

“The one you dated although you weren’t that much into him”

“No, it’s not that I wasn’t that much into him. I really didn’t like him. I mean, I liked him a lot as a person, he was funny, interesting, smart, sweet, caring but not clingy or naggy. I mean he was perfect, at least as for high school standards. But…”

“… but he was ugly as shit”

“He wasn’t ugly as shit! He was just a regular guy. I just wasn’t remotely attracted to him. But I dated him all the same because I liked the idea of having a boyfriend”

“Angie, listen to me: how fuckin’ old were you when you dated Martin?”

“Fifteen”

“Great. Now, how old is Eddie?”

“That has absolutely no-”

“Shut up and answer my question, how old is he?”

“How can I answer if I have to shut up?” her raised eyebrow gets me nervous.

“ANGIE, PLEASE, I DON’T WANNA CURSE, DON’T MAKE ME”

“Twenty-six! He’s twenty-six years old, just calm down”

“Oh it was easy, wasn’t it! Anyway you got your answer”

“Obviously Eddie’s doesn’t act like a fifteen year-old”

“Yeah, obviously. Eddie’s a man and a man doesn’t date a woman he’s not attracted to only because he doesn’t want to be lonely or because he likes the idea of having a girlfriend”

“I’m not saying it’s just for that. Maybe he likes me, he’s happy and comfortable with me for a series of reasons that are still partially obscure to me. And maybe in his mind he goes like Ok, physically she’s not my ideal type but she’s a really great girl and I feel good when I’m with her, so why not give it a try? That is similar to what I thought about Martin. And I thought about how often you like someone so much that, although they’re not exactly good looking or anyway not your type at all, you end up seeing them beautiful because what’s inside is also showing outside. And I believed that’s what would have happened to me with Martin eventually. But I was never attracted to him. And I remember the bad feeling whenever we kissed or did something more… I couldn’t be intimate with him at first, I felt bad and dirty. I felt it was like selling myself for attention. And I did eventually because I could not… avoid it. And I felt like shit” Angie’s talked non stop and it looks like she’s out of breath now.

“Are you done with presenting your theory?”

“Well, yeah”

“Can I present mine now?”

“Sure, go on”

“Thank you. So, Meg’s theory: Eddie’s crushing on you so hard, he adores you”

“Haha a totally not extreme theory”

“Well, he’s simply crazy about you, so…”

“Don’t you think you’re exaggerating a little?”

“Angie, trust me, I’m not. Eddie basically thinks you two have been married for at least three months”

“Umph, ok, go on, I wanna see where this is going”

“This just in general. If we focus on looks only, he’s got it so bad and he’s so attracted to you that he’s probably aroused by the mere thought of seeing you”

“Yeeeeeeah sure!”

“Maybe he gets hard just by talking to you on the phone. And that would explain why he calls you up to three times a day just to hear you read the phone book or shit like that”

“Hahahahahaha”

“Anyway, my theory says that he surely can’t wait to crown your love dream with a nice fuck. But one thing stops him. Actually a bunch of things”

“And what is it?”

“Well, first of all, maybe the fact he’s not an animal? Not even Jerry fucked you after two weeks. And Jerry is a pig. Eddie is a sensitive guy, he’s waiting for you to be ready”

“But I am ready”

“I don’t think so. And that leads us to the second reason”

“That is?”

“YOUR FUCKING ISSUES, ANGIE!”

“He doesn’t know about my issues, I won’t discuss them with him”

“Angie, trust me, you don’t need to. One can see from miles that you’re insecure. And like this is not enough, you keep pestering him with this top secrecy bullshit. What will he think? What would you think if you were him?”

“That I’m ashamed and don’t trust him?” she ponders for a while before answering.

“Oh! See? If you think about it, you get it! And would you fuck someone who doesn’t trust you?”

“Well… no… I think”

“No, you wouldn’t. So show him you trust him and nature will take its course. Despite the third reason”

“And what’s reason number three?”

“Eddie’s slow. Like very slow. He’s slow like molasses. In January. It took him forever only to kiss you, how do you expect him to fuck you in two weeks? You must give him a little help”

“Me? What do you mean?”

“You gotta tell him”

“Tell him what?”

“Angie, are you stupid or you act like one? Tell him you wanna make love to him!”

“ARE YOU INSANE?”

“No, you’re not sane Angie. You claim you’re ready to have sex with him but you can’t talk to him about it?”

“I’m not good at talking about those things…”

“Facts more than words, huh?” I push her jokingly but she doesn’t look amused.

“I don’t have neither, Meg”

“Come on, Angie, seriously. You’re mature people, mature people dating, you talk about everything, you can talk about that too. And then, I repeat, Eddie is a sensitive guy, he will make things comfortable for you and understand you”

“Yeah but… what the hell do I tell him?”

“Ok, listen, it’s easy. You tell him to come over, I don’t know, tomorrow night. I might conveniently disappear and crash at Grace’s or Mel’s place”

“That doesn’t work, this week we had a place to ourselves for three nights in a row and nothing happened”

“Will you let me speak? So, you will invite him here for a chill night together. Then you’ll throw yourself in the shower and use that coconut scrub lotion I gave you at Christmas. Then you’ll dress up, I mean wear something nice and possibly very revealing. But not too much. We don’t wanna scare him. Of course I’ll take care of that”

“Lucky me!” she complains and I stand up from the chair, grab her from he arm and take her back into the living room.

“You’ll make a mix tape with music that’s suited to the circumstances, you’ll prepare candles, wine, some aphrodisiac appetizers” I add pointing at the stereo, the table and other different points in the room.

“Is this the plot of a porn movie?”

“When he shows up, you’ll welcome him with a glass of wine, you’ll kiss him, you’ll tell him you couldn’t wait for him to arrive because you have something extremely important to tell him.” I squeeze Angie in a bear hug and then push her until she gets to the armrest of the couch, where she falls backwards with her legs up in the air “You’ll have him sit down, you’ll put the wine on the table, you’ll take his hands and look into his eyes and you’ll tell him…” I reach for her when she’s sitting in a better position, I take a seat beside her, squeeze her hands and stare at her intently.

“And I’ll tell him…?”

“And you’ll tell him… Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me!” I start singing and Angie pushes my hands away.

“FUCK YOU, MEG”

“Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be” I go on as I clap to the rhythm and I tag along as she runs into her room.

“And I’m even listening to you!” she exclaims as she slams the door in my face.

“Come on, Angie, you just tell him!”

“I can’t!”

“Or you just let him know without saying it, drop hints”

“I’m even worse at that!”

“Listen, unless he’s dumb, he’ll get it with the wine and the music already” a long moment of silence follows, until Angie slightly opens the door.

“White or red?”

“Red, of course!”

****************************************************************************************************************************

“So? Overall rating of the date?” Grace asks all proud as soon as I park outside her condo.

The game started after our second date, when she took me to a cooking class, and at the end I gave her a C+ for the peculiar choice. Since then, she took it as a personal challenge.

“B but only because it didn’t rain. If it did, that’d have been an A for sure”

“Hahaha I can imagine! And of course this was like the only night of the year it didn’t rain in Seattle… How lucky. Did you have fun then?”

“I did! And I’m happy I contributed to someone’s copulation.” when she told me she wanted to take me for a ride up north on Lake Washington and to wear comfortable clothes, I figured it’d be some night trekking and make out session with a nice view on the lake. Instead I found myself in the middle of a group of crazy people who gave me a bucket and a yellow reflective vest so I could patrol the road waiting for frogs, toads and lizards in heat “Those poor little creatures wake up from hibernation and have only one thing in their mind”

“Nature says thank you”

“And I thank you. It’s actually impossible for me to get bored when I’m with you, you know?”

“Hehehe I’m taking it very seriously”

“I noticed that.” playing chess with strangers at Westlake Park, taking a boat ride along the Puget Sound, the evening at the arcade, the matinée play of Rent at the theater on 5th Avenue… no, I’ve never had this kind of dates “But you don’t need to. I mean, you don’t have to pick up weird stuff for our dates. I wouldn’t get bored with you even if we spent the whole time driving in a car with no destination in particular”

“Owww, so romantic… You’re only saying this because you’re afraid of what I can come up with next, right?” she bats her eyelashes dreamily, then gives me a side look.

“I’m scared, yeah”

“Hahaha you suck, Stone!” she chuckles as she opens the car door and I get out of my car too.

“I’ll walk you”

“So careful too”

“Well I spent the evening helping toads cross the road, I can as well help you” I take her hand and I’m about to go for the crosswalk but she doesn’t move, she just stands there pouting. And I laugh my ass off.

“Ha ha. What if it’s me helping you?” she squeezes my hand and trots in front of me pulling me along up to the traffic lights.

“Don’t count on that!” I stay calm and don’t react but as soon as the green lights come out I start running and drag her with me.

“Stone? Stone! Stop, you’ll make me fall!”

“Hehe what’s wrong? Are your heels too high?” I joke as I point at her black rubber flat boots. Nice boots though.

“There are holes in the street… and I hate running. And actually I’m tired as fuck” and I could appreciate them more when I saw her at dinner without her coat. They looked good with her over the knee socks and knit dress.

“Yeah yeah, they’re just excuses. No point trying, I won’t carry you in the palm of my hand like with frogs, come on, just walk” I push her playfully as she walks up the stairs.

“Also because there’s no way in hell you could do it” she retorts as she opens the door and tries to shut it at my face.

“Are you sure?” I remark as I push from the outside.

“Haha I’m literally keeping the door closed with two fingers, Stone” she chuckles from the other side.

“Ok, I’m no muscleman and you’re not a sprinter. No Olympic games for us next year”

“Well, we could start training for the ones in 1996, what do you think? We can get ahead” I stop pushing and she lets me enter the lobby, taking me back by the hand.

“You’re a genius”

“Stone?”

“Mm?”

“We got to our floor”

“Uh. Ok.”

The doors close while I keep Grace pinned against the elevator’s mirror with a kiss. She presses the button and the doors open again.

“Stone?” I clasp her hands, lock my fingers with hers and pull them up against the mirror, holding them up on both sides of our heads.

The elevator shuts down again. And starts moving. We manage to get a composure before it stops at the last floor, called by a couple of girls. I take Grace by her arm and get out, rushing towards the hallway.

“Stone, were are you going?” she asks puzzled.

“Ok, the coast is clear.” as soon as I can hear the elevator going down again, I turn around and lead Grace towards the stairs. And we walk down to the correct floor “What? Don’t look at me that way, couldn’t make you uncomfortable in front of your neighbours”

“Making me uncomfortable?”

“Umph don’t be so nit-picky!”

“Here we are” she smiles at her bag, since she’s stuck her head inside it, looking for her keys.

“Here we are” I shift from one foot to the other waiting for the major moment.

“And here are the keys!” she puts them in the lock and turns to speak to me “So… good night”

“It’s a little early for good night, it’s not even eleven yet”

“I’m exhausted, Stone” this is the basic excuse, the recurring excuse after each date.

“Well, you got a couch, right? We can flop down on it and just relax. And we can make tea, since it’s already springtime for frogs, but it’s still kind of cold actually”

“I don’t know, Stone. I’m not even feeling that good honestly, I think I had too many jalapeños at Laredo’s. I feel… full” on the basic excuse, she now implants the variable one. She tries to make it more convincing by holding one hand on her belly.

“And what’s better than some hot tea to adjust your stomach?”

“I also think I must have pulled a muscle or something as I bent down to catch a salamander. Or maybe I’ve caught a chill…” she tries to stretch shifting her hand towards her back.

“You’re lucky, my hands are magical. I can give you a massage” I reply moving my fingers in front of her face.

“Hehe alright” she opens the door to her apartment and gestures for me to get in.

REALLY? I can’t believe it, I wasn’t expecting this!

“How does it feel?” I’m sitting behind her on the couch and massaging the lower part of her back.

“Mmm!” sounds satisfied.

“Better?”

“Yeah, much better. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to leave this couch”

“Don't” I shrug and keep up with my massage.

“I’m too full to function” she yawns and I think that, at worst, if she fell asleep in the next ten minutes, at least I’d have an excuse to stay and sleep here. And waking up we could maybe do something. I’m not in a hurry, I don’t wanna push. When it happens, it just happens. But if it happens now, all the better. We’re young, we’re cute and the season of love has started, even for toads.

“You’re lucky you have me” I kiss her neck right when the kettle starts whistling.

I go and make tea, then get back on the couch with the two cups. I’ve already drunk it all when Grace is still blowing on it.

“Is your tongue fire proof?” she asks and cocks her eyebrow.

“You should know this better than anyone else” I wink at her and she shakes her head.

“Subtle, Stone, very subtle” and she takes maybe the first sip.

“Some like it hot”

“Haha even subtler”

“Do you want me to massage your feet?” I try to pull one of her legs up on my lap but she almost chokes on her tea.

“NO!” she yells and stomps her foot down.

“Oh ok, sorry”

“No it’s just… well, I’m ticklish”

“I can be very delicate, you know?”

“But I’m extremely sensitive. And then I start kicking like a donkey, I’d rather not. I don’t wanna run the risk to slash your cute face with a roundhouse kick” she gently strokes my cheek and I reach for her hand and keep it there to enjoy it as long as possible.

“But the eventual spinning kick wouldn’t hit so hard without these sexy boots of yours”

“Hahaha ok, I said you can make fun of me, but do you have to take everything literally?”

“Strangely enough, I wasn’t making fun of you, for once! I really like them”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Actually women boots are a kind of fixation for me”

“Fixation?” she squints at me from behind her tea cup.

“I find them extremely erotic”

“Ok but these are fucking rubber rain boots, Stone. They’re not some Catwoman leather high heeled boots”

“I don’t care about models, I’m not your friend who works at the shoe shop” my remark doesn’t change her perplexed face.

“You don’t have a fetish, do you?” she questions before taking another long gulp of a most likely cold tea.

“Hahaha what? No! Am I a perv only because I’m attracted to beautiful girls wearing skirts and boots?” I get closer to her and playfully stick my fingers under the elastic band of her dark red socks.

“How many beautiful girls are you attracted to exactly?” she asks after she puts her empty cup down on the table in front of us.

“I see you’re not ticklish here”

“No. Not there” I kiss her and feel Grace slightly backing up before letting herself go and enjoy my touch, which moves up along her thigh.

Then she suddenly slips away and I found her standing in front of me beside the couch. I mentally prepare a bunch of convincing excuses to apologize for groping her. But before I can start rattling them off, Grace grabs the edges of the hem of her dress and pulls it up and over her head in three seconds straight, throwing it to some place in the room that I don’t care to detect. I just sit there looking at her in a dazed state for a while before opening my mouth.

“Of course you caught that chill, you’ve got nothing underneath”

Grace straddles me and puts her arms around my neck.

“Ok, I’ll make sure I put a camisole on once we’re done”

“Done with what?” I ask ecstatic.

“Try and guess”

**

“Big toes” I whisper while I’m lying on the carpet in the living room, staring at the lamp on the ceiling.

“What? What’s wrong with your toes?” Grace asks, as she’s lying beside me and throws her arm around my waist.

“They are the only body parts I can still move right now”

“Hahaha shut up”

“I’m afraid I have to ask you to host me for the night”

“Ok, you can stay” she stretches out and stands up from the floor.

“Thanks”

“But you’ll have to be able to move your arms at least, so you can drag yourself to the couch” she goes on as she leaves to go to the bathroom.

“I’ll try… wait… the couch??” I get up as fast as I can and look around searching for my briefs.

“Why? Do you prefer sleeping on the floor?” I hear her asking in the distance.

I finally find my underwear, I put them on and cautiously walk up to the bathroom door.

“No, I was considering a different solution, a more comfortable one. Like your bed”

“Forget it” she opens the door and comes out in her pyjamas, fluffy slippers and with her hair put up  with a pin.

“What’s happening? I can’t understand, do you want me to leave?” I’m actually surprised and I’m trying to understand if I did some shit without noticing.

“No! Sure you can stay, Stone” she wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a kiss that would make a toad squashed by a truck easily come back to life.

“Uh ok! I got worried for a second” you like to pull pranks, huh? I was almost buying it, that you wanted me to sleep on…

“Just not in my room” she gives me a tired smile and shuffles to her room.

What the fuck?

“And… and why?”

“You can’t sleep with me, Stone” she turns around and explains, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“I still don’t understand” I go stand in the way between her and her bedroom’s door.

“I have to get up early tomorrow and… I couldn’t sleep with you by my side”

“Grace, darling, I swear I’ll behave! I wouldn’t be able to do much even if I wanted to. Helping nature wore me down too, you know?” I flail my arms and try to explain that I’d be totally inoffensive and she laughs at me.

“It’s not for that. It’s just… oh shit, it’s kind of embarrassing”

“Look, I don’t give a fuck about your stuffed animals”

“Huh?”

“Don’t be ashamed, it’s not a problem for me. Ok, maybe I’ll be creeped out at the beginning… but I’ll get used to them!”

“Hahaha it’s not about the stuffed animals, trust me”

“What is it all about then?”

“I just can’t sleep… with other people… in my bed”

“Uh”

“I’m not… comfortable”

“Oh but I’m not the snuggle-up type, I’m the total opposite really. Kiss you good night and then turn away on my side” I’ve got nothing against cuddling up in bed actually but given the situation, I’ll better look for a middle-ground settlement.

“Sleeping in each other’s arms is not the problem, it’s just the presence of another person. I know it sounds horrible but, you know… I haven’t been in a long relationship for a while. And I got used to sleeping alone. And now, if someone’s there with me, I just can't” she suddenly finds her own fingertips and fingernail very interesting and doesn’t look at me as she speaks. And she looks so different from the vamp in panties and boots who turned me inside-out until a few minutes ago. And maybe that’s just why I adore her.

“Gracie, don’t worry.” I take her hands and lock them again behind my neck “No problem, baby. The couch will be perfect”

“Now you see what it means to date someone who’s not mentally stable” she yawns.

“For so little? No big deal” I shrug and kiss the tip of her nose.

“I wish it was just that…”

“Well, we’ve got time to take out the rest too, we don’t have to do it all now, do we?”

“Hehe, no, we don’t. Let’s sleep now”

“Alright. Good night, Gracie”

“Good night Stone” she takes my face into her hands and gives me one more kiss before disappearing into her room.

I walk back to the couch, resigned, and I’ve already spotted my shirt, when I hear her bedroom’s door open again.

“You changed yo-” I can’t finish the sentence and a pillow and a blanket fly directly on my face.

**

“Stone? Come on, wake up, it’s late” a sweet and warm voice wakes me up instead of my usual clock radio. I’m awake but I can’t open my eyes yet.

“Mmm” I grunt against the backrest of the couch.

“Stone, get up, I gotta go to work”

“Since when are you working on Saturday morning” I mumble as I turn around on my back.

I open my eyes and the first thing I see is again the ceiling lamp. The second one, when I look down towards my feet, is so scary that I fall off the couch.

“AAAAAAAH! WHAT THE… WHAT THE FUCK…!”

“Good morning to you too Stoney” Grace, dressed as a clown and wearing clown make up, greets me with a huge grin painted in red.

“You scared me to death!” I keep one hand on my heart as she laughs her ass off and ties the laces of her clown boots.

“I tried to call you before getting dressed but there was no way I could wake you up and get you off that couch. Now I know how to do it”

“A drastic technique” I pull myself up and sit back on the couch.

“But effective”

“Where the hell are you going dressed like that?” I refasten my loosened ponytail.

“I have a birthday party in…” she checks the clock on the wall “a little more than half an hour”

“Is it a costume party? What’s my costume?”

“Haha you’re so funny. It’s a children’s party, I go there to work”

“And do they pay you well?”

“They pay me enough. And surely it’s funnier than standing behind the counter of a mini market. Why? Are you interested in a career too?”

“No, thanks, I’d rather keep dealing with musicians. Or toads, at worst” I joke and she kisses me. Well, actually she tries to kiss me unsuccessfully at first, she manages to do it once she temporarily removes her big red clown nose that was in the way.

“Hehe I gotta go now but you just take you time. Just remember to put them in my mail box once you leave” Grace rattles her keys in front of my nose before standing up.

“Are you leaving already? But wait, where’s this party?”

“Oh a few blocks from here, like a twenty-minute walk. I’ll just take a stroll” she innocently answers and I’m almost rolling off the couch again.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE WALKING? DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE GOING OUT DRESSED LIKE THIS?”

“Well, yeah, why?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Not everybody is a wimp like you, Stoney”

“It’s not just that, it’s… no, you don’t have the nerve to go out like that, I don’t believe you”

“No?”

“I won’t believe it until I see it”

“Wanna bet?” she asks wiggling her painted eyebrows as she opens her apartment’s door.

“If you walk down the street dressed like that, you can choose the destination of all our future dates, forever”

“Have a nice day, Stone” she throws her keys at me and leaves, closing the door behind her back.

“NO WAY, YOU CAN'T” I dress up quickly and dash outside her apartment. Then I remember, I stop halfway through the corridor, go back, lock the door, and then run again to catch up with her. I rush down the stairs since she took the elevator first, and as I get to the lobby I see her going out nonchalantly with a smile on her face.

And I realize I love her. I love the fact she can be the toad saviour one minute, a femme fatale a few moments later, a shy insecure girl before going to bed and a clown the next morning, and still being herself, always. Because she is all those things, and much more.

“WAIT! I’LL GIVE YOU A RIDE”

“So? Did I win?” she turns around folding her arms and looking at me triumphantly.

“You won but stop!” I catch up with her finally and lead her to my car “Let me ask you: why have you put your make up and costume on already? You could have gone to the child’s house and do it there”

“I coudn’t, what if the kids saw me?”

“What do you mean?”

“If they saw me first without the costume and then with the costume, they’d understand I’m not a real clown” yeah, right, I should have thought about it.

“Anyway, I find them sexy too, just so you know” I add once we’re in my car, pointing at her clown boots.

“I’ll keep that in mind for the next occasion. Or for when I’ll need material to blackmail you” she replies and, before I could retort, she produces a clown trumpet out of nowhere and loudly blows it in my face.

I’m gonna marry this woman.

[lunaschild2016]

Worth Fighting For: Chapter 2 - Reflections of Time

[A/N: After much deliberation and obsessing, I have put this fic under a major edit and only slight re-write. This is will hopefully be a bit clearer on the vision I had for the story, world and more importantly the characters. I hope everyone enjoys!]

He was ruthless, cunning, and completely committed to protecting his city; but her arrival to Dauntless called everything he ever thought he believed into question. She was haunted by a past she vowed to make amends for and resolved to sacrifice her very life it meant she could protect her family, faction, and city. Duty and following orders were no longer enough and they both found more than they ever hoped for. They both found something worth fighting for. Eric/OC AU M (Language, Sexual Content, Romance, Fluff, Angst, Tragedy)

@kenzieam  @pathybo  @jaihardy @every-jai @ericdauntless @beautifulramblingbrains @bookgirlthings @jojuarez26 @oddsnendsfanfics @offroadinjandals @singingpeople @iammarylastar @irasancti @captstefanbrandt @clublulu333 @fuckthatfeeling @tigpooh67 @ex-bookjunky  @jughead-wuz-here wuz-here@badassbaker @beanzjellly @beltz2016 @meganbee15 @affabletimelady @scorpio2009 @gylisaa @geekybeyondallreason@violetsonthelam @kyloswarstars @emmysrandomthoughts @kgurew @beltzboys2015-blog @slytherin-princess-25273 @whatwouldbuffydo666 @jaiboomer11 @holamor @wealwayskeepfighting @original46  @blakefc

*************************************************************************************

Chapter 2- Reflections Of Time

Eric-Choosing Day:    Roughly one year ago

Whispers of silk moving against silk. Muffled gasps and moans. Flashes of delectable skin, so close and charged with a heat that called to me. These sensory images haunted me through my nights, leaving me in a tangled mess of my own making in bed. The space beside me remained cold, but in those dreams, it burned with the heat of passion. A passion I could never imagine existed in reality, and if ever asked would deny I would even want. Because what those images, those nightmares I am coming to call them, brought forth in me is a terrible burning in my heart and soul. A feeling of being so complete and of such rapture that the cold light of day leaves me a broken husk of a man.

There aren’t many that get to see beyond the normal mask I wear at all times. I can count on one hand those that have seen anything from me beyond negative emotions but there are only two people that really give a shit to see more anyways.

Lately, even they don’t get to see any semblance of the man behind the mask because that mask is slowly seeping into every part of me.

At twenty-four years old I feel like a man of eighty. The weight of a faction, no an entire fucking city, seems to be pressing down on me.

Now I know why Max was reluctant to make me leader even with pressure from Jeanine. He had needed to know I wasn’t in it just for Jeanine because if I was then this pressure would make me snap. It would break me. It is trying to break me and it scares the shit out of me every day how close it is coming to doing just that.

The screeching of the digital alarm clock on my bedside table, as well as the alarm on my watch, alerts me that I need to get my butt in gear and get ready to face another day. One of the worst days of my year is about to start and I need coffee to be able to deal with what is in store for the next few hours alone, not even counting the rest of the day.

So, I begin my day with a cup of coffee in my apartment, then head out to the meetings that will take up most of the morning before the new initiates arrive. This messes up my normal routine so that is another reason to add to my foul mood.

Chase slides a breakfast sandwich across to me when he takes his place at the conference table. “Zach put a couple of these together for us this morning since we couldn’t do the normal thing.” He mumbles around a large bite he has just taken of his own food.

“Thanks.” I nod and take a bite while looking over notes and waiting for the meeting to start.

Lauren breezes in, late, as usual, causing all of us to scowl but Chase even more since he is the one stuck with her for training the Dauntless-born.

The meeting starts out with the same shit that we deal with from day to day then goes on to cover this year’s initiation, which is more of the same shit as years past. Although, there are some new rules that are being implemented this year. Also, cuts are being made this year, steep cuts. Instead of passing everyone through that doesn’t become so injured they can’t continue like in the years before, this year we will have cuts during the stages of training based on the ranks of the two classes.

There was some disagreement about the changes at the time of proposal but in the end, they were approved by simple necessity. This years group is going to be a large one after the absence of any choosing for the past two years. It boiled down to we just don’t have the resources to keep all of them and that meant the weakest would need to go.

I rub the bridge of my nose as Four speaks up about his displeasure in regard to the cuts and fighting changes. He keeps shooting glares my way, as always pinning all of this shit on me. Never mind that there are four other leaders sitting around this table that are just as responsible for passing the new rules, and Max the senior leader that has final say.

Chase shoots me a look that, his way of telling me to keep it cool. I look away and clench my fists on the table while letting the others deal with it.

You would think after eight years of dealing with each other we could move past old shit, but that isn’t going to happen with me and Four. At times, I wish with all my might that I had been able to prove my suspicions about him so I could get him out of the picture altogether.

With a sigh, I crack my neck and focus back on the meeting. It’s going to be a long hour until the meeting breaks and we can all finally head to greet the new blood.

***************************************************************************************

The four or five Dauntless members that stan on the roof waiting for the train take bets on what kind of mix we will see in the initiates this year. We tossed around predictions on what faction the first jumper will be from, and what faction will likely be the last jumper.

The Choosing Ceremony has been over for a while now, but it takes a good hour for the train to make its way to the jumping point. Max already called that it should be appearing within the next five minutes or so.

Max is handling greeting initiates this year. He decided this because of what happened the very last initiation we had two years ago. I was in charge of greeting them on the roof and had not been pleased about it, to say the least.

When no one stepped up and volunteered, not the first time that has happened, I lost patience. I just decided to toss the first person near me over the ledge. I was informed that, while it had been amusing and we are looking to inspire a little fear in the initiates, that wasn’t exactly the fear the other leaders had been aiming for.

For me, I have mixed feelings about the event. See at the time, it had felt fantastic. For all of three minutes it felt great, and then it felt just as hollow as everything else feels to me lately.

So, I’m glad to hand that particular duty over to him. I have enough on my plate to deal with already. Between being in charge of overseeing training as well as the multitude of meetings I have to attend normally, I already have a full workload. Not to mention that I’m expected to just drop everything and go running to Matthews when she quirks her finger for us to. It’s exhausting, annoying, and my mood that isn’t great in the best of times is anything but mellow these days.

“Train approaching!” Someone calls out loudly from near Max where he stands ready on the ledge, and Chase nudges me, grinning like the happy fucker he is.

“Remember the bet. The first jumper is gonna a Candor this year.” Chase said with a knowing smile. He is still firmly pulling for his former faction even though he always loses.

I scoff and roll my eyes at playing this same game even knowing how it’s going to end. But I play along anyways. The guy is my best friend after all.

It still surprises the shit out of me that I became best friends with two former mouth’s, the nickname/slur that has been coined for the people in the Candor faction.  I had always found Candor’s to be annoying before transfer and over the years and having to interact closely with that faction at times as a leader, that feeling hasn’t gone away, it got worse.

So the friendship that developed is surprising in general because of where he came from and my inability to make friends at all. Chase is the only friend besides Zach that can claim to know anything about me or see any other side of me besides what the rest of the faction and city see. They have also seen me at my worst and still seem determined to stick around, that has to count for something.

“Dauntless-born. It’s been Dauntless-born every year since after our choosing.” I say with a smug smirk.

The bet is not about who will be jumping from the train first but who will step up and take the literal plunge we put all new arrivals through.

After getting off the train by jumping from it, while it’s still in motion, to the roof where members of their new faction are waiting for them we have them take one more jump. This one is different because they won’t know what’ll be waiting for them at the end of that jump like they do for the one from the train.

On one side of the roof, there is a ledge where the person greeting the new blood waits, standing on the edge. Behind him waits a hole through another roof that’s actually several stories down. The jump must be made from where we all stand, seven stories up. The hole is wide, but it’s completely dark and there’s nothing indicating what, if anything, will be at the end of it to catch the jumper.

This is the only entrance that’s offered to initiates and is one of many tests that they will be subjected to over the course of their introduction to the faction. If they don’t jump, they don’t stay. Simple as that.

I had been the last non-Dauntless-born first jumper. Back then, the choosing age was sixteen. It’s been changed twice since then. First, it went to eighteen right after my choosing year. Then it was changed to twenty. So there haven’t been many initiations between mine and now, but what there has been has always ended with Dauntless-born being first.

Chase chuckles at my look and shakes his head.

Then we hear it. The horn of the train, letting us know that the train is close and making its way towards us. It slows slightly as it comes around the corner that’s just before the row of roofs that are all part of the compound.

It’s the only concession we made for this part. We slowed the train enough that it gave time for all the jumpers to take their turn. That’s not to say that everyone is actually going to make it though.

The first car of the train is usually filled with the Dauntless members that went to the ceremony. Usually in either an official capacity or because they had family choosing.

Some of them stay on the roof after they make their jump. Some of them prefer to go to the area where the net is to wait and see the initiates and their reactions to the fall through the dark hole of the roof. Most of the others just go on about their day or duties or start partying.

Dauntless-born came next, interspersed with transfers. At first, I see the normal mix of Erudite and Candor in among the Dauntless-born.  It’s all pretty boring after years of the same. When you have watched this same procession many times before anything out of the ordinary will catch your eye in a heartbeat.

So, when two of our prospective initiates are in some kind of altercation or stand-off before they even get off the fucking train, it gets my attention. The fact that the two involved are a Candor boy and Abnegation girl really has me on alert. From the look on the Candor guys face, I’m fully expecting to see a grey splatter on the ground in seconds.

But then I get the surprise of my fucking life.

From the distance they are at from me, I can see the Abnegation girl had been sneering at the boy when they were saying whatever it was they were saying to each other. That changed in a flash as it morphs into a wicked smile that sends chills down even my spine and just as quick I get another shock when she springs into action.

She shoves the Candor from the train. It happened so fast that it wasn’t until he was already in the air that there are reactions from around the roof from anyone that’s actually paying attention.

There are some gasps along with calls of surprise and laughter as he falls straight to the roof with surprising force and accuracy, a girly shriek tearing from him as he goes.

“Are you seeing this?” Chase said while gasping in laughter and disbelief from beside me.

Of course, I’m seeing it. I can’t fucking look away. Especially when I see that directly after she shoved the mouth, she jumped herself while laughing all the way.

Whoever the hell the girl is she’s handling this far better than she should be.

When she lands she goes into a roll. Letting the force of the jump carry her forward and not fighting against it like most newbies do. Instead, she goes into a tuck and roll then pops up, brushing herself off as if she just got a little dust on her jacket and she didn’t just jump from a moving locomotive onto a seven-story roof.

I watch her with narrowed eyes trying to get a better look at her. Up until now she has either been far away, in motion or turned away from me, preventing me from seeing her face but allowing me to evaluate what I can see.

She doesn’t seem to be much of anything. The grey clothes are typical for a stiff and swallow her up. She’s short, maybe five-six or five-seven. What figure I can make out through the crap she’s wearing seems to be rather boyish. No real indication of curves, but then again her clothes really are made to mask any of that per faction dictate. Abnegation seems to prefer to make their people look like carbon copies of each other with no regard to sex, rather androgynous.

Other people have joined her on the roof in rapid succession, but I haven’t been able to look away. She’s already an anomaly and I’m highly trained to keep an eye out for those. It won’t matter to Jeanine that we haven’t even started training today, she will expect me to have a report for tonight on anything and everything that’s out of the ordinary.

This girl sure as fuck is out of the ordinary.

She turns towards the train again and I catch sight of her face for the first time to see her smiling widely.  One look at her and that smile and I feel like I’ve just taken a punch to the gut. The smile so genuine and carefree, so alive.

I quickly turn away, working to contain whatever reaction I’m having and determine to focus on the other initiates around. But I keep watching out of the corner of my eye despite my resolve.

Chase elbows me in my ribs and my head snaps to the side to look at him, a scowl on my lips that only deepens when I see the asshole isn’t even looking at me. I follow his eyes, which are as wide as the grin on his face, and see what he’s so focused on. It shouldn’t surprise me that he’s focused on just the person I’m trying not to focus on.

My refusal to focus on her fails completely as a bit of irritation and worry creep in when a Candor girl, who had been hovering over the Candor that was pushed from the train, then stomps her way over to the little stiff. She looks like she’s ready to kill the girl in grey and also looks like she would be completely capable of it. She’s built like an Amazon.

“You could have killed him!” The Amazonian screeches out and goes to put her hands on the smaller girl, who just rolls her eyes and sidesteps the attack, causing the Amazon to stumble and trip to the ground.

“I could only hope to be so damn lucky.” The little stiff mutters. She might be going for a quiet mutter but it doesn’t come out that way and it wouldn’t matter if she had been quiet, because all attention seems to be on her by now anyways.

I know all of my attention is on her. I can’t even help the smirk that tilts my lips up at her response as Chase snorts out a laugh.

“And if you were observing closely, I aimed him precisely where I wanted him to hit with the perfect amount of force. Enough to make him scream like the little bitch he is but not enough to kill him.” She pauses and sighs, almost dejectedly. “I’m still up in the air on whether I did him a favor, or all the rest of us a disservice. Time will tell though I guess.” With that, she shrugs as if she really was torn about her decision then moves off.

Another Abnegation girl has just careened to the roof and is who the little stiff was waiting for. She scrambles over to where the new stiff is crumpled on the ground and tangled up with another fucking Candor girl.

“Are we just being fucking invaded here?” I mutter angrily but still can’t take my eyes off of the first girl.

“Mary Katherine! Did you have to push him? He wasn’t going to hurt me.” The new stiff isn’t even standing when she launches into her scolding, but the other girl doesn’t even acknowledge it other than to grimace a little when she hears her name.

Not that I blame her. I already hate the fucking name myself and I didn’t have to spend a lifetime with it.

She helps her scolder up then helps brush the gravel and dirt off the other girl’s jacket, all while frowning. She locates a tear on the sleeve and scowls at a cut on her friends’ arm before she lets her go and replies finally; a determined look in her eye and a stubborn lift of her chin.

“First of all, I was helping him get over his obvious feelings of inadequacy, shown by his need to fuck with you.” She gives the other girl a pointed look before she continues. “Second of all, yes he would have and if you think different Beatrice, then you are in for a world of hurt during initiation. If you won’t take my word for it, ask your friend here. They obviously know each other. I’m sure she can tell you all about the new resident dick of Dauntless.”

I know with one look at the glare the Candor and his two friends are throwing to the girls that she isn’t wrong. I can already determine that those three are going to use anyone they think might be weaker than them to make themselves look stronger, and they aren’t going to be fair about it.

They’ll be ones to watch.

“Last of all,” she continues on, undaunted or unaware of the glares being sent her way or the attention she’s drawing to herself. “Please do not call me by that travesty of a name. I am and will only respond to Kat. If you’re smart, you will change yours too, Bea. I mean unless you just want to live with an instant chastity belt tethered to you.”

The Candor girls jaw, who is apparently friends with the other stiff, drops open while the other abnegation turns red and gasps. “Mary Katherine!”

There are sputters of laughter all over and I look over at Chase who’s holding in a laugh.

Kat, a much more fitting name, rolls her eyes and sighs.

“Lighten up Bea. It was a joke...sort of.” She sighs but there’s this tilt to her lips that has me tilting my head to the side and wondering what she’s about to spout next as she shakes her head. “I really do think, dear sister, that our parents chose our names as an instant abstinence tactic.” She crosses her arms and taps a finger to her chin as if in thought, but I can see it’s anything but genuine. “Do you think they teach that in Abnegation initiation?” She lets her hands drop to her side, shifts her posture in a blink, and before me is standing the very picture of a perfect fucking stiff.

Bowed head and clasped hands behind the back. Even the way she hunches her shoulders forward seems to be pushing focus away from her, but there’s still that glint in her eyes and the slight tilt of her lips as she keeps going with whatever little show she’s putting on. “By the way fellow Stiffs, someday you will lay with a man or a woman and produce a new little stiff. We expect you to keep the tradition of leg locking names alive.”

She says this all in an almost perfect imitation of the condescending tone of Marcus Eaton. Ripples of laughter make the way along the roof and while I don’t laugh, I crack the first smile I’ve let loose in a very, very long time it seems.

I shake my head in wonder at this strange girl while Chase is holding his stomach he’s laughing so hard. I honestly don’t know what the hell to think. There’s something going on with this girl, but I don’t have time to contemplate what it is.

All laughter, amusement, or chatter is cut off when a scream comes from the side of the roof where the train jumpers first land. I know before I even look over to the Dauntless-born pulling the girl from the edge what it means. I also know I’m going to be the one to have to deal with it as well.

Max looks at me and Chase, causing me to sigh and give him a curt nod of acknowledgment. I elbow Chase to get him moving. As we’re leaving, I notice that Chase has his head turned to look over his shoulder, trying to get one more last look at the girl I think we both want to stay and observe.

I can’t help but wonder if it might be for the same reason as me and how I feel about any of that.

I know I have a duty to take care of though.

My very last look, just before I go into the stairwell, is of Kat being pulled into a hug by three Dauntless-born, one being a Pedrad. My scowl at having to leave deepens at the look of affection on Uriah Pedrad’s face before I lose sight of her completely.

[sparda3g]

Gintama Chapter 679 Review

I know I was asking for answers, but I think I will be fine if it doesn’t result to a cruel ending. Sorachi somewhat surprised the fans with a new backstory that leads to Gintoki’s discovery. The problem is that it’s clear that we are in for a dark and possibly depressing outcome. This chapter ignited a gripping story of master-disciple bond on a quest with inducing fear. This is not going to be easy...

It’s no wonder that we have plenty of comedy earlier. This chapter leaves nothing to laugh over; maybe with one panel of a kid falling on the ground hard, but outside of that, it’s downright serious. It’s too early to call, but I got to say, this backstory is perhaps the darkest one so far. It’s the culmination of father-son, master-disciple, and a man with a hard hitting temptation to end his heavy burden.

The beginning already starts off with the dark vibe with Gintoki in the flashback left on a journey to find something important. It’s the first time to see him looking extremely determined; it’s quite surreal. He asked the Inugami Maidens, Ane and Mone, to give him the pinpoint locations of every Dragon Holes. I admire Sorachi’s writing for using those two in plenty of significant plot points, even at this point. It goes to show you how his writing works. Whenever the character appears for an arc or so, they will hold a relevant contribution to exploit.

One of the sisters explained a newly informed detail of the Dragon Veins; even the lore gets expanded this late. There is no actual count on how many Dragon Veins are in the world; not even the Maidens can grasp all of them. Not only there are countless of it, but the size can differ from many. It can be the size of golf ball hole and it would be considered as a Dragon Vein. This does explain why Gintoki took a long time to resurface; at least in terms of reconnecting with old friends. There’s another reason why he took 2 years, but we’ll get to that soon.

The Maidens warned him that it can take forever, which already sound impossible because human nature, but without an actual response to them, rather to himself, he was hell bent to find “it;” even if it does take him decades. It’s astonishing how much he has spent his 2 year journey, going across Japan searching for every single one until he hits jackpot. The scary part is he would have left Yorozuya behind possibly forever. Could you imagine if he didn’t find it in 2 years prior? That’s how unbelievable his determination was. Thank God, he found it as early as he can get.

I thought the flashback ends there, but it’s only for momentary to unveil the grand revelation: Utsuro is alive. It’s no surprise for fans to guess, but it is undoubtedly a huge deal for the characters. After going through many hells he brought in, knowing he’s alive only brought the mood down further. Gintoki recovered Utsuro’s heart after 2 years, though it is left to speculate on whether the latter will resume his reign of terror or somehow, a miracle will bring Shouyou back. This is trivial since it can go to many directions with the heart in presence; not yet form a body. It could be a brand new Utsuro for all we know. It’s kind of freaky to even think on what to do if they cannot kill it.

I’m glad Sorachi shed the light on how Gintoki came to his decision to split up Yorozuya, though it came with an enthralling yet disheartening result. Gintoki proves to be smarter than what his image usually portrayed in comedy routine since he recalls Utsuro dropping himself into the vortex of the Dragon Vein. Because of it, he thought the possibility of his body being vaporized by the Altana in which he was originally born from it. In other words, how could he died by what he was originated from, let alone being his source of life. He describes with simple yet good thinking analogy with Utsuro to Altana and water to an ocean.

What grasped his attention were Utsuro’s final words as he was falling down into the vortex. It finally cleared up on why Gintoki went hasty to catch him. While he did want to stop him from escaping in a sense, he was compelled by his words, which is why he was really upset when he failed. It’s why Kagura and Shinpachi picked up his hurtful tone. It’s those words that gave Gintoki a purpose; to reunite with Shouyou somehow, someway. Could it be possible to save him? I was moved by his ambition as a loner. It is no longer for the sake of humanity and he’s not going as a Yorozuya; it’s Shouka Sonjuku’s Sakata Gintoki, going to put an end.

Back to the flashback and once again, it’s intriguing how much Sorachi continues to explore more of its lore at this time. There is one Dragon Hole that is enshrined for generations; even Ryuujin (Dragon God) dwells inside. That basically mean that hole is worthy of attention. The only question was whether Utsuro came out from there. Once the old man began to describe the story of a strange phenomenon, it was clear that Gintoki hit the jackpot. It’s a good thing the image of a mass of meat wasn’t fully displayed because it sounds rather disturbing.  What shocked me is Utsuro was a baby.

It’s not just because the fact he was once a meat and somehow turned into a baby without medical logic. What truly startled me is if Utsuro was a child in the flashback, why the hell was Gintoki carrying his heart now? That gave a serious bad vibe; believing that he would kill a baby to remove the heart. The chapter wasn’t over, but I was freaking out around that point. It felt like it was building up that it was just Utsuro’s organs, but with a newborn baby, the end path was looking very grim.

While the ending is arguably the main spotlight, the page of one night with the baby is up there. It’s probably the grimmest display this series has offered. The protagonist Gintoki has the baby that once led a life of murders and destruction. He had the chance to put an end to the baby’s life, even though he probably could return later on. Even so, the train of thought drove Gintoki to approach the baby with a small sword and had the range to put it end. This was heavy stuff.

I was clinching my teeth. Sorachi got me believing that Gintoki ended it there. The paneling is excellent in this one page; how it shows his temptation to go through with it. His eye roared with anger, inch by inch to the heart, almost ending his suffering. Sorachi will get the protagonist’s hands dirty. It may not paint a bright light for inspiration, but for the sake of deeper storytelling, it should be done.

The next page was a huge sigh of relief that he didn’t do it. It’s crazy to imagine how it would feel if he did do it. Although he’s not doing it for the world, he technically did carry its fate by letting him live. If Utsuro does return, vicious and all, it would be his fault. If he did kill him, it would paint him as a disturbing image. The other risky part is who knows what the baby will grow up to. What if it was going to be Shouyou? It’s amazing how this one scene could have leaded him to many possibilities, but not worth feeling satisfied.

It’s jarring that after raising the baby for a bit, Utsuro has grown into a child, presuming the same age as when Shouyou met Gintoki for the first time. It transpires to a short but really nice father-son/master-disciple bonding scene with those two. To think, the role has been reversed as the two’s journey along the way. I feel like Sorachi is being cruel to have Gintoki experiencing in his master’s shoe and later, harbor another hardship end. That said it does create a very appealing backstory.

It does draw us fans closer to Gintoki’s character. He truly cherished his master more than anyone, so even though he was bothered by his presence, he can’t bring himself to kill. He would rather risk raising a child that could bring horror back than killing with a gamble. As funny as the line, “I feel like I’m raising a final boss” is, it holds many truths behind it. I felt his sincerity when he remembered Shouyou, connecting with how he probably felt as his master. It’s really touching to say the least; the most heartfelt scene of the chapter. That is until the end happened.

The parallel is so striking. Not only it told us how the role has been reversed but it was the trigger for Utsuro to speak for the first time. Every single line from him gave me crazy chills. It’s haunting how he can remember a lot as a child; detailing everything that answered Gintoki’s question. Those words keep on coming and it draws closer to the grand twist. The look on Gintoki’s face is very telling; you know how tensed it is when he’s awestruck by his words alone. It could play off like a horror film; unable to comprehend the scene. The message is clear: Shouyou has returned.

Honestly, it’s early to say if that is really the case, but it would appear that he was at least on the polite side as of that moment. It could be Shouyou, Utsuro lying under a false presence, or someone else entirely. It’s very tricky, but that’s what makes it gripping. It was such a heartfelt scene that unfortunately reminded me that this was all in the flashback. Why does Gintoki now carry the heart? What went wrong? Does it have to do with the request? It still leaves more questions but I am thrilled to learn more.

This was a strikingly emotional chapter that Sorachi has outdone himself once again. Just because the series is ending doesn’t mean he is burnt out of writing. He continues to deliver a rich story with plenty of outcomes that is nothing but dark. The shivering tone of that one night was so intense I thought my eyes were fooling me. I did read it in the early morning, so you could imagine how I reacted. The storytelling has been excellent so far and the ending was touching but possibly alarming. We have a long wait for the next chapter. Damn you and your timing, Gorilla!

[inactivedaddymemeyard]

Cherry Wine

Aaron goes to Bee to talk about his mother. Set to the tune of Cherry Wine by Hozier, though I specifically listened to the Overcoats cover for inspiration!

Ao3: here

“Let’s talk about your mother.”

The words sounded like a nuclear alarm siren as they circled through Aaron’s mind. Talk? About his mother? How could he verbally say things he couldn’t even think? How was he supposed to articulate the memories that were so filled of emotions that he knew were irrational?

“I don’t know where to start.” Aaron murmured lowly.

He’d started this session cautious but at least hopeful. He scheduled a private appointment with Dr. Dobson because he knew that the festering wound of his youth and his mother’s death was rotting him from the inside out. It tainted every thought, every word until he could only burn with a black rage that swallowed him whole. He’d turned into such a hateful man, always spitting angry words and swinging irate fists. That was not the man he wanted to be. That was not the man he was supposed to be.

“Describe your mother in your own words. Describe to me how you saw her. Not how Andrew or the world saw her. I don’t want to hear about Tilda Minyard. I want to hear about Aaron’s mother.” Dr. Dobson spoke slowly, whether it was to emphasize her words or so as to not spook him he wasn’t sure.

Still, Aaron struggled for the proper words. He felt overwhelmed and raw, and more than a little uncomfortable with being in a room with a woman, who was staring at him so intently.

“How can I explain to you how cold her eyes were? Or the way she could use her words to freeze me solid? Or how I know deep down the endless rage and ever burning fire I feel inside comes from her? How she could switch from soft and loving to hard and hateful in the blink of an eye? Her hands could caress or bruise, and I spent every moment terrified of which one I’d experience. How I spent every day tip-toeing past her unconscious body, because I could never properly gauge what mood she’d be in when she woke up?” once he’d opened his mouth he couldn’t stop the words from pouring out, as if some great dam had broken inside of him.

Her eyes and words are so icy

Oh but she burns

Like rum on the fire

Hot and fast and angry as she can be

I walk my days on a wire.

Aaron couldn’t meet Dr. Dobson’s eyes, or even her face for that matter. He kept his eyes down cast and waited for her to speak. And yet, after a beat or two the words were pushing past his lips again, he’d lost control and he couldn’t figure out how to gain it back. His thoughts had become a whirl wind of pain and fear, and yet in the midst of that dark were the warm memories of his mother’s blue finger nails, impeccably painted by his hand. There was his mother twinkle of a laugh, her dimples that both he and Andrew had inherited.

“She sang a lot. It was beautiful. She’d sing as she worked around the house, sometimes she’d sing me to sleep while her fingers ran through my hair. One day I’d accidently knocked over her grandmother’s porcelain dolls, and one broke. I’d cleaned it up the best I could, but there was no fixing the shattered face. I threw myself down next to the destroyed, priceless heirloom and cried for over an hour. I knew how much she loved her grandmother and how much those dolls meant to her. I knew she was going to lose it when she saw what I had done. And she did. I had stopped crying by the time she’d stumbled into the living room, but it didn’t matter. Her eyes narrowed onto that shattered doll and nothing else in the entire world mattered other than the fact that I had broken her doll. Her fingers slipped through my hair and squeezed, giving her an anchor to swing me around by. She’d slapped me and pulled my hair. She squeezed my arm so hard my fingers started to go numb as she screamed and screamed at me. When she was done she threw me onto the shattered porcelain doll and told me to clean it up, but the porcelain cut my arms, legs, and hands as I tried to stand. I was six and she’d never drawn blood before. I freaked out. Blood was gushing down every exposed inch of my body, there were shards stuck in my skin and mom was still mad at me. “

“Something about me crying, covered in blood made her stop screaming. It was like a switch had been flipped. She was no longer mad about the doll. She called me her baby boy as she cleaned he cuts and pulled the porcelain out of my skin. She cleaned the blood and wiped away my tears. I tried to tell her I was okay, it only looked bad. I couldn’t get the words to come out because my mom was petting me and humming, trying so hard to calm me down when she could’ve just left me there to clean up my mess. I really was fine. No stitches, just power ranger band aids.” Aaron chuckled, an odd tension releasing as he remembered her wordless melody that had wrapped around him.

It looks ugly, but it's clean,

Oh momma, don't fuss over me.

“Aaron she should not reacted that way no matter how important the object was to her. You were a little boy, and accidents happen. You mentioned that this was the first time she’d drawn blood and that she expressed remorse for doing so, but you should not have been beaten at all. Do you understand that?” Dr. Dobson asked, Aaron imagines her face looks sad and full of pity luckily he still hasn’t looked at her face.

“Yes. Rationally and years later I understand that that is not the way a mother is supposed to treat her child. Don’t pity me Dr. Dobson. Nicky pities me enough as it is, I don’t need anyone else to.” Aaron barked a short, rueful laugh.

“She wasn’t a sadist, she did not like hurting me and she especially didn’t like drawing blood. She tried very hard not to after that incident. I know my mother had issues. According to Andrew and Nicky she was a drugged out, whorish monster that wasn’t worth the air she breathed. What the fuck do they know? She is my mom! She loves me! I don’t need everyone to tell me how awful she was, I was there. When she forgot to eat for days I fed her. When I fell of my bike and hurt my knee she was there with a first aid kit and kisses. I don’t have a dad. It’s always been she and me. Yes, she beat the holy fuck out of me, but I’m not an easy person to love. She took care of me. She loved me.” The words ripped out of him, first as an angry geyser, then as a slow stream as his anger waned and his pain returned.

The way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine

Open hand or closed fist would be fine

The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

He didn’t give Dr. Dobson much of a chance to speak, fearful of the things she’d say, before he continued, “She knew I was sneaking her pills. I didn’t know how she got them, what it cost her when I took some. I just wanted to get away. Away from her fists, from her words, from her. She stormed into my room and snatched my headphones off my head not caring that she ripped out some of my hair with them. I didn’t even know what she was so upset about, I was too high to properly comprehend her sped up words. It wasn’t until I saw the little box she kept them in in her hands that I finally realized I’d been caught. That was when I heard how she got them. I’d always assumed she bought them from a dealer like on tv. She was fucking the dealer for them. I was so stupid, I should’ve known, we had never had the money to support an addiction of any kind much less an illegal one. She screamed something about not being able to get more until she could get him away from his wife. Suddenly through the drugged hazed anger washed over my entire body. My mom was fucking a married man for drugs, and it was my fault she’d be having to see him more and more often. I stood up quickly and got dizzy before I do much else. It was enough though. She threw the empty box at my head, the corner sliced my jaw open. I had to get stitches.” He pointed to the scar that ran vertically down his sharp jawline.

Calls of guilty thrown at me

All while she stains

The sheets of some other

Thrown at me so powerfully

Just like she throws with the arm of her brother.

“Do you think a part of you wanted her to catch you stealing her drugs? That made her anger was better than your isolation?” Dr. Dobson asked.

Aaron huffed a cold laugh as he nodded.

“It’s fucked up, Dr. Dobson. You’re right though. I wanted her to catch me and I wanted her to hit me. Her fire was always easier to withstand than her ice. It wasn’t until her addiction grew more serious that she started forgetting I was there. I missed my mom.” Aaron’s eyes prickled with tears as he remember the ghost she’d become long before she’d actually died.

But I want it

It's a crime

That she's not around most of the time.

“I missed the pancakes and raspberries. I missed her singing. I missed her words even if they had mostly been hateful. Sometimes if we were in public and a child was screaming or crying she’d lean down to tell me that I was better than that kid. It was one of the only times she ever praised me. She used to smile at me. She hasn’t done that since I was small, but I remember. It made the too hard squeezes and shoves worth it.” Aaron’s voice faded as he finished.

“Your dorm mates Andrew and Neil made pancakes and fruit this morning.” Betsy didn’t pose that interjection as a question, Aaron nodded anyways.

“Is that why you called me?” Aaron heard the implied “And why you’re so emotional” and nodded again.

“I-I have never told anyone about my mother. I just listen as they curse her for me, but I don’t hate her. I hate that I qualify for this fucking team. I hate that they’re always fighting. I hate Neil’s shitty remarks about everything. I hate Kevin and Neil’s devotion to Exy. I hate that my brother took away my mom. I hate that I don’t hate him for it. I hate my uncle. I hate that I am responsible for putting Nicky’s life on hold. I hate that I hurt him when I lash out. I hate so much and yet I don’t hate my mom. I can’t. She’s my mom.” Aaron felt his anger filling his body until he thought of his mother, all he felt then was sorrow and loneliness.

The way she shows me I'm hers and she is mine

Open hand or closed fist would be fine

Blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

“You talk about her anger and your own as if they are the same. Do you think you’re subconsciously using your anger as a way to connect to your memory of her? Using your peers’ and your own anger to rationalize her abuse?” the way Betsy posed the questions somehow stopped Aaron from panicking like he would’ve normally.

He could only nod as his entire world view shifted. Aaron’s mind ran through every time he had purposefully made someone angry. Every time he had said something shitty to Nicky waiting for the day Nicky hit him. He had a subconscious need to prove that in the end everyone abused someone and his mother’s actions hadn’t been nefarious, but had come from a place of love. Nicky still hadn’t hit him. Nicky never would and Aaron knew it.

“She loved me.” Was all Aaron could get out through his trembling lips and clenched teeth.

“You use her love as a shield against her abuse. You wrapped it around yourself to weather her fury and yet it has left you more wounded than her violence. Aaron, your mother loved you. She also abused you and that was not okay. These facts do not exist separately from each other, but they also do not exist because of each other.” Besty’s voice had turned into a slightly pleading tone as if she was trying to get Aaron to finally make eye contact.

That wasn’t going to happen any time soon, not after she’d said exactly what he’d been needing to hear. Rationally Aaron had always known, but this was not something he could be rational about. His mind was racing as quickly as his breathing as he tried to reorganize his thoughts around that sentiment.

Her fight and fury is fiery

Oh but she loves

Like sleep to the freezing

Sweet and right and merciful

I'm all but washed

In the tide of her breathing.

Aaron Minyard had never been as devoted to anything in his entire life as he was to his mother. She was his world, his everything. He thought of all the times he’d placed a pillow under her head and a blanket over her as she slept in haphazard places around their house. He thought of all the hugs, all the kisses, all the songs. He thought of all the slaps, all the shoves, all the beatings. Tilda Minyard was his mother and he loved her, but he also hated her. He could finally admit that to himself. Aaron hated his mother. Hated her for all the pain and neglect she put him through. All he’d ever done was love her. And he still did. Even with only her memory to haunt him, no longer her fists, he stilled loved her with his whole being.

And it's worth it, it's divine

I have this some of the time.

His mother abused him. He inherited a lot from his mother; her hair, her songs, her anger, her addiction, her smile, her violence. Aaron could not change his mother, she was dead and gone. Aaron did not want to change his mother. His past was his past and though it was dark and painful it gave him a family he loved and a future he couldn’t have achieved on his own. Aaron couldn’t change his abusive mother, but he could change his abusive behavior. And he would. To spite his mother for every time she called him worthless. To honor his mother for every time she told him he was good and tussled his hair. But mostly, to love his family like his mother never could love him.

The way she shows me I'm hers and she is mine

Open hand or closed fist would be fine

The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

[skivvysupreme]

“Shiver” - Kurt/Blaine

from a one-word prompt: “shiver”

Inspired by the recent weather (if you live in the northeast quarter of the States like Kurt and Blaine), here is some silly/smutty/sappy winter Fluff -- in which Blaine wants to play, Kurt wants to stay in bed, and everyone manages to get what they want.

1770 words | AO3

Kurt startles awake at the sound of the wind whipping against the bedroom window, groggily blinking his eyes open with a disgruntled little whine. He’s alone in the bed, though he distinctly remembers falling asleep with a husband-shaped heating pad in his arms. “Blaine?”

Blaine’s leaning against the windowsill next to the bed, silhouetted against the dim gray light and staring out at the heavy snow that hasn’t stopped falling on New York City since yesterday afternoon. His hair is mussed and he’s only wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants. “Morning, baby.”

“It’s so early, why are you up? You know we don’t have to go anywhere today. Everything’s closed.”

“Natural alarm clock, I guess,” Blaine answers. Then he hums, pressing his hands against the windows, and says, “Gosh, the snow is so beautiful when it hasn’t been touched yet.”

“So am – I haven’t been – “ Kurt tries for a dirty joke, but he can’t even piece one together in his sleepiness. He yawns, shivering in the slight draft. “Just… come back to bed, it’s a snow day. Did years of school in the Midwest teach you nothing?”

Blaine turns and slides back under the covers, snuggling up against Kurt’s body, until–

“AH! Blaine, your hands, Jesus…”

“Sorry.” His hands go to Kurt’s ass, kneading him as he whispers, “This should warm them up much faster.”

Kurt huffs a tired little laugh against Blaine’s cheek and kisses him lazily, barely meeting the corner of his mouth. “Why are you so… awake?” he groans. “You’re like a puppy seeing snow for the first time.”

“Does that make you the grumpy cat?”

“I’m not grumpy,” Kurt mutters, though he allows Blaine to kiss the annoyed little furrow between his eyebrows smooth again. “We can’t all be morning people. We’ve had this discussion.”

“What if I make–”

“NO,” Kurt insists, pulling Blaine in so that he’s muffled against Kurt’s neck. “Sleep. You cannot distract me with pancakes today. I won’t let you.”

Blaine laughs into Kurt’s skin, wriggling to free himself while Kurt fights to keep him in place. The covers start to slide off the bed, exposing them to the cooler air of their bedroom.

“Blaine, you’re making us cold. Accept this,” Kurt scolds him, feigning seriousness, though he can’t keep himself from laughing when Blaine makes an indignant noise against his throat.

He stops struggling in Kurt’s arms for a moment, breathing hard, then slowly curls himself around Kurt’s body and goes still.

“See? Isn’t this bet–oh, not, not fair…”

Blaine’s found that spot, the one near the base of Kurt’s neck that lets him play Kurt like a violin. He’s kissing and nipping at the spot for all he’s worth, his hands resuming their path across Kurt’s ass. Kurt swallows, still holding Blaine close for an entirely different reason.

“Am I still making us cold, Kurt?”

“N-no…”

“Still want to sleep, Kurt?”

“No.”

Blaine slips out of his arms and hops out of the bed, an offensively energetic smile on his face as he chirps, “Great! Breakfast will be ready in 20!”

Kurt just lies there in silence, trying to determine if the sudden flush of heat in his face is arousal or rage as his dick twitches in a frustrated sort of way against his thigh.

At this point, he figures, sighing as he finally throws the covers off himself, pancakes can only help.

*****

Blaine has one hand entwined with Kurt’s on the kitchen table and the other curled around his coffee mug, his eyes glued to the falling snow outside the window.

“It is pretty,” Kurt admits, pushing his last bit of lemon-blueberry pancake through a puddle of maple syrup on his plate, “especially because we don’t have cars to dig out of it when it’s over.”

“Ha, true... You know, Cooper and I used to have the most brutal snowball fights when we were kids. He hated the snow, but I always wanted to play in it, so our parents made him go outside with me. And then he’d bean me with snowballs until I didn’t want to play anymore.”

Kurt tsks his tongue and squeezes Blaine’s hand. “Aw, Blaine...”

“Big brothers,” Blaine shrugs, "But he was into it, sometimes. I loved making snow angels, so he’d throw me into a snow pile, I’d make the angel, and then he’d pick me up so that it didn’t get destroyed when I got out of it.”

“So you’ve always been this insufferable little snow bunny,” Kurt snorts, picturing a tiny Blaine, immobilized in one of those hideous, puffy snowsuits everyone’s parents used to put them in, giggling ecstatically in the snow.

Blaine just grins back at him, his big hazel eyes lit up in the bright white light coming through the window.

“Mom and Dad used to make a day of it,” Kurt says softly, watching the snow. “I loved winter, but I loved it from the inside. I liked hot chocolate and cozy pajamas and Christmas movies and eating cookies and how everything smelled like cinnamon. They were both way more outdoorsy than I’ve ever been, and they’d take me sledding or just play in the backyard if the snow wasn’t too deep. I never liked making snow angels because the snow would always find its way into my socks no matter what I did, and I hated snowball fights, but I made a mean snowman.”

“I bet those were the neatest, most stylish snowmen the neighborhood had ever seen.”

“As if I’d make anything less,” Kurt says, raising his chin with a little laugh. “Mmm. Snow is so magical when you’re a kid.”

“It still is.” Blaine’s attention has returned to the snow, his gaze following whichever snowflakes he can keep his eyes on as they fall.

“Like I said, when you’re a kid...”

Blaine throws an errant blueberry at Kurt, hitting him in the face with it; it bounces off the side of Kurt’s nose but leaves a patch of purple-ish syrup behind.

“I rest my case!” Kurt laughs, reaching for his napkin. “Seriously, B?”

Blaine, trying valiantly not to laugh, gets up from his chair and catches Kurt’s wrist before he can use the napkin. He sits in Kurt’s lap and kisses the syrupy spot on his nose, taking the napkin himself and wiping the rest of the spot clean. Then he kisses Kurt on the lips and mumbles, “Sorry. I’m restless.”

Kurt shakes his head, wrapping his arms around Blaine’s waist and kissing his jaw. “You’re still wide awake, hmm?”

“Yep.”

“And you still want to play?” Kurt asks, his lips making their way down Blaine’s bare chest, mouthing at his collarbone and sliding down to Blaine’s nipple.

“Yes,” Blaine gasps, his arms wrapping around Kurt’s shoulders. “Kurt--”

“Then can we please go back to bed?” Kurt asks, stopping his movements to rest his head on Blaine’s chest. He can hear Blaine’s heart thumping hard against his ear as he smirks up at him.

Blaine clenches his jaw and scrunches his nose at the same time, adorably resigned when he answers,“Yes. Fine. You win.”

Kurt nudges Blaine off his lap with a quick slap to his ass, at which Blaine yelps and reaches for Kurt’s ass in turn. “Oh, believe me,” he says, letting Blaine back him into their room with his lips attached to Kurt’s neck again. “I don’t see how this is anything but a win-win situation.”

*****

Sweat rolls down Kurt’s forehead as he pants up at the headboard of their bed, his eyes closed, his head tilted back, and his knees up by his ears as Blaine pumps inside him.

Blaine had wanted to play, all right; Kurt has almost come twice, Blaine taking his sweet ass time to fuck him and slowing down even more whenever Kurt gets close. That spot on Kurt’s neck has finally started to bruise under Blaine’s relentless attention, and his lips are swollen from kissing Blaine the rest of the time. He can already feel the soreness settling in, Blaine picking up his pace and slamming into him harder as his own stamina starts to run out despite his determination to keep this going as long as possible.

“Can you-- a little longer, baby?”

“No,” Kurt gasps, planting his hands against the headboard so he can meet Blaine’s thrusts. He’s starting to shake, his dick rock-hard against his stomach and winking at the tip. This game has been wonderful, but Kurt can’t seem to catch his breath anymore, which means he’s past the point of no return.

Blaine nods wordlessly, leaning down to kiss him with a hand on the back of Kurt’s head. He only manages a few more thrusts before he comes, grunting into Kurt’s neck.

Kurt expects Blaine to take him in hand so he can follow, but Blaine suddenly pulls out in one smooth motion, leaving him empty. “I-- BLAINE!” he yells, slapping his palm against the mattress in frustration.

Blaine laughs -- laughs, the little shit -- and slides down Kurt’s body. He pushes his hands against the backs of Kurt’s thighs, keeping him spread, then pulls Kurt’s dick into his mouth, mercilessly and expertly sucking him into the back of his throat.

Kurt comes immediately, grasping at the sheets and at Blaine’s hair as his hips jerk against Blaine’s mouth. “Oh, fuck, fuck--”

His husband swallows around him, squeezing at his thigh, his hip, his ass, whatever part of his body he can reach as he finally stops tensing and relaxes into the bed.

Blaine doesn’t say anything, but he has a smug little grin on his face as he crawls back up Kurt’s body.

“God,” Kurt sighs, tasting himself on Blaine’s tongue when he kisses him. “You are in a mood.”

“It’s this weather. I’m an ‘insufferable little snow bunny,’ isn’t that what you called me?”

Kurt laughs, nodding, and caresses Blaine’s cheek with his thumb. “Look, if I tell you that you’re right, that the snow is obviously still magical now that we’re adults... can we go back to sleep?”

“Shower later?”

Kurt nods, his half-lidded eyes soft and adoring as he and Blaine gaze at each other. “I can set an alarm if you want, so we don’t waste the whole day.”

“Nah.” Blaine lifts up just enough to give him one last peck on the lips before he settles against Kurt’s body and pulls the covers over them both. “You’re right, too. Win-win. Nowhere to be but here.”

Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine’s shoulders and rests his cheek against Blaine’s forehead, snuggling him close.

Now this is a god damn snow day.

[dustbunny105]

Title: Worth Your While Fandom: Lost Light Pairing: Anolug Rating: G Word count: 1280 Summary: All Lug wanted to do was window shop. Unfortunately, Anode was keen to let her. A/N: Wow, did the ending on this one ever fight me. I meant to post this back during FemFeb, but couldn’t bring it to heel. Better late than never? I also decided I wanted to use the title I came up with for something else, so I’ll come back to edit that later. Edit: Was inspired by LL8 to change something Anode gives Lug as a gift.

.

Lug isn't terribly alarmed when she hears the shouting or the blaster fire. Even the jostling that begins to ripple through the crowd doesn't get more than a grumble. She and Anode don't tend to frequent the most upstanding of planets, after all, and she's spotted her fair share of shadiness as she's wandered through the market. That her window shopping is going to be interrupted by some kind of police chase is neither surprising nor especially interesting except as something to tease Anode about missing.

Then her comms beep and Anode's voice comes through, "Hey, where are you?"

Frowning and unable to pin down the reason why, Lug answers, "Looking at crystal sculptures, like I said I'd be. Where are you?"

"Headed your way! Get someplace I can see you, huh?"

"I'm right in front of the booth we saw yesterday run by that Magisterian fellow."

There's a moment before Anode answers again, coinciding with a definite increase in the volume of whatever ruckus is making its way through the market. In fact, the volume seems to be increasing exponentially, as volume tends to do as its source grows closer. Uncertainty prickling through her lines, Lug glances around, mostly through the legs-- and other roughly leg-equivalent appendages-- of much taller market-goers. She's about to warn Anode that something is going on when Anode's voice sounds off again.

"Knowing where you are is a definite help," she says, "but I really do need to be able to see you."

A frown falls over Lug’s face even as she tries to roll a sense of dread off her shoulders. She looks around again, jostled by the crowd, and spots a stack of boxes beside one of the booths. A bored-looking mechanical being of a design she doesn’t recognize is unpacking them, slowly. She edges closer and, when they bend away to sift through the packing inside the box they’re working on, she carefully hops up onto the stack. Her plating, painstakingly polished up in hopes of convincing the market merchants to give her the time of day, glints in the sunlight.

“I--”

“Oh!” Lug hears Anode’s voice in stereo but doesn’t spot her right away. “I see you! Wow, you make that shine look good--”

That’s all the warning she gets before the flash of green and cream. In short order, she finds herself in Anode’s arms in midair as Anode catches her and literally dives back into the crowd. She hugs Lug close to her chest, not swinging her around to her back or even giving her room to transform. Lights flash above them and it’s a moment before Lug understands that they’re being shot at.

“Good news,” Anode chirps through a static buzz of exertion. “Our ship is ready, we’ve just got to pick it up. Also? We can now afford to pick it up!”

“You’ve been adventuring without me!” Lug blurts, not even touching the fact that she didn’t know being able to afford their ship’s repairs was a question. She’s surprised by the hurt in her own voice.

It clearly surprises Anode, too, whose face slackens with shock before curling with mischief. The light of her optics sparkles and she holds Lug ever so slightly tighter as she shoulders their way through the crowd and down a dim-lit alley. She says, “Aww--”

“Don’t you aww at me,” Lug snaps. She starts to cross her arms in a huff, but then quickly throws them around Anode’s neck when Anode parkours over garbage and boxes and a fence that rattles like it’ll drop them both. “And let me transform, would you?”

Anode throws a look back over her shoulder and grimaces, then drops into a crouch behind a dumpster. The officers-- are they officers? Lug doesn’t bother to ask-- in pursuit are a lot bulkier than Anode and more physically limited like most organics are, but they’re still plenty close enough to fire on the two of them. This is illustrated by the blasts zapping by above and around them, chipping at their meager shelter.

“I don’t think you ought to be on my back just now,” Anode says. Her smile is weak but warm and she arranges Lug so that she’s more protected by Anode’s own torso before launching out of their hiding place and darting around a corner.

“Another fine mess you’ve gotten us into,” Lug grumbles into Anode’s chest. A blast passes close enough that she feels the heat against the back of her helm and she cringes closer. “What were you thinking going off on your own?” Hurt and concern bleed static into her words, but she commends how irate she manages to sound still.

“I was thinking,” Anode says around a grunt as she lands poorly on the other side of a heap of some organic trash and keeps going, “that you might like to enjoy your shopping trip.”

Lug opens her mouth and snaps it shut. When she opens it again a moment later, a long, low garble of noise which says everything at once and nothing at all comes out. It bounces off the walls around them and she catches one of their pursuers commenting that they think they might’ve hit “the puny one.” She ignores it, grumbling nonsense and refusing to look at Anode. It’s ridiculous, utterly ridiculous that Anode would go into a dangerous situation without backup so that Lug can admire items she has no hope of affording, and that’s half the reason Lug knows that she’s telling the truth.

“You’re ridiculous,” Lug informs her. She lets out an oof when Anode skids around a corner; daring to peek over Anode’s shoulder, she sees that the-- cops? guards? enforcers? Whoever Anode’s gone and got herself on the wrong side of, they’re closer. She grunts and shoves at Anode’s chest. “Now let me transform-- you can’t maneuver properly when you’re carrying me like this.”

There’s a moment that it seems Anode will refuse; she frowns down at Lug and her arms tighten. But then she’s darting back out of the alleyways and into another crowded market street and as she does, she readjusts her hold and swings Lug around to her back. Lug transforms as she goes, so familiar with this routine that she could perform it in the midst of recharge. Anode adjusts for her just as certainly, not so much as a moment’s hesitation in her steps. She pets down Lug’s straps and says nothing about the plating that adjusts just to pinch her fingertips. The probably-cops have stopped firing now that they’re back in the thick of the crowd and are falling ever further behind.

“Shot at and I didn’t even do anything,” Lug mutters mostly-- but only mostly-- for show as she settles in for the dash to their sorry ride off the planet. “The things I put up with for you.”

“Oh, you know I make everything worth it,” Anode says far too cheerfully as she dances through the crowd. The sounds of their pursuers are fading in the distance and they haven’t got far to go before they reach the shop where they left their ship for repairs. She rushes by too close to a booth and upsets the display, hurrying off again with the keeper shouting after them. She tosses something over her shoulder that Lug opens a compartment to catch automatically-- it's a set of mood pipes, something she spotted when they found the market, because why not while they're at it, she supposes. The grin is audible in Anode's voice when she all but sings, “Admit it!”

Lug audibly clicks off her vocalizer, refusing to do so-- at least out loud.

[lindyhunt]

11 Apps That Will Help You Get Your Life Together

2018 is basically almost over. How’d your New Year’s resolutions work out? If the answer is a sheepish shrug, you’re not alone. It can be hard to keep on track of goals and new habits, whether it’s saving money or staying hydrated, especially when you’re already besieged by demands from work, friends, and family. That’s why you should let your phone do all the heavy lifting for you.

There are so many apps on the market these days for literally everything you can think of, so it can be overwhelming to sort through them all in an effort to find one that will work for you. That’s why we put together this list of the best apps that will help you get your shit together. We don’t recommend downloading every single app on this list, tempting as it will be; self-improvement is great, but you’re only human. Whatever your goals are, rest assured that there’s a brilliant app in this list that will help you reach them.

1. Level Money When it comes to finance apps, everyone knows about Mint–and for good reason, because it’s a great app. But Level Money actually has an edge on Mint because of its ability to not only track your spending, but also concisely tell you what you can spend daily, weekly, and monthly. The simple layout presents information that’s easy to absorb at a glance, making it a no-brainer to stick to your budget. Cost: Free.

2. Moment If your goal for 2016 is to be more present in the moment and not constantly on your phone, download Moment. It’s an app that tracks how much time you spend on your phone and even helps you to set limits to your usage. If you go over, you’re actually forced off your phone and then have no choice but to pay attention to your surroundings. Your friends and family will appreciate it. Cost: Free

3. iDrated There’s a lot of hydration-tracking apps on the market but we particularly like iDrated for its simple and attractive graphics and its wealth of options. You can customize everything from your water intake goals (although the app offers recommendations) to the water measurement being in ounces or litres. Plus, you receive medals for reaching certain levels of hydration! Cost: $0.99

4. My Mood Tracker If you need to track your mood, whether you have a mood imbalance and you want to stay abreast of any changes (and share them with your doctor) or simply because you want to be happier in 2016, this is the app for you. The price might seem high but it’s worth it, because this app tracks sleep, exercise, medication, menstrual cycles, stress, pain, energy and stimulants–all to help you figure out why your mood goes up or down. Cost: $9.99

5. Clue Sometimes the best way to track and make sense of your mood is to track your period. Clue does exactly that for you, as well as telling you when you’re most likely to get pregnant and tracking things like mood, pain, and birth control pills. The best part: no trace of the hot pink design that so many other period tracking apps have. Cost: Free.

6. Duolingo If you ever wanted to learn a language, you no longer have an excuse to put it off. Duolingo is free to use and doesn’t require huge amounts of time–plus it’s fun to use, almost like a game. You can study Spanish, French, German, Portuguese, Italian, Irish, Dutch, Danish, Swedish, or English on this app. Cost: Free

7. The Johnson & Johnson Official 7 Minute Workout App There’s a lot of workout apps out there, but some of them can be way too overwhelming. Whether you’re traveling or just really busy, this app helps you get in 7 minutes of intense exercise every day–which may not seem like much, but has actually been proven to be an effective workout. Cost: Free

8. Sleep Cycle This app is great because not only does it track your sleep patterns, it also wakes you up during the lightest portion of your sleep. This leaves you feeling more awake and rested than you would after waking up with a traditional alarm clock. Cost: Free

9. Pomodoro Timer If you have difficulty with time management, you need this app. Pomodoro helps you be more productive and procrastinate less by using the Pomodoro Technique, which is made up of 25 minutes of work and 3 to 5 minutes of a short break, and then a longer 10-15 minute break after four cycles of this. You can use this timer for everything from chores to working. Cost: $1.99

10. Fashion Stylebook Are you always late because you never know what to wear in the morning? Then you need this app, which is basically a closet assistant inside your phone. It uses images of your own clothes to help you figure out what to wear depending on the weather and your plans, and you can also search for outfit inspiration and even plan your packing ahead of time. Cost: $3.99

11. Habit List Whatever your New Year resolution is, whether it’s to drink less or floss more, this app will help you reach your goal. It tracks your progress day-by-day, and even allows you to schedule certain habits for certain days (such as going to the gym only on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday). Cost: $3.99

[airoasis]

Sweaty Notes: Inspiration & Exercising at Home-- Fit Metalhead

HOW DO YOU STAY MOTIVATED TO WORKOUT AT HOME?

I get asked this question a lot because 99% of my workouts are done at home. I don’t have a gym membership anymore and I hardly go to classes anymore.

Why workout at home?

To be honest, due to my heavy schedule with a full time office job and studying part time, I won’t be able to make it to a gym or class facility.  I created time for myself in the morning to workout by commuting on a motorcycle. The thought of sitting for hours in traffic kills me, I already sit behind my desk 90% of my day. My only option was to start working out at home to make sure I meet my daily goal of moving.

About 5 years ago, I started collecting equipment to work out at home. Starting with the basics such as dumbbells, and working my way up to having a Barbell, Pull Up Bar, Boxing bag and various other smaller pieces of equipment. Space became an issue and with that I finally convinced my husband to convert our garage into a gym and this motivated him to join in on the sweat at home fun.

Quick Pros of Working out at Home

is convenient

cost-efficient in the long term

provides opportunities to bond with your family in a healthy way, especially if those busy schedules allow little quality time. 

saves time 

But how to stay motivated?

Picture this: Your lying in bed on a cold winter morning, snuggling with your significant other and your alarm goes off. Do you wake up? Or do you snooze and snooze and snooze until you’re super late for work? If you are the latter, here’s my tips to get up and go, go, GO!

1. Find an exercise you LOVE

This is an essential part to having at home workout success. Let’s face it, you will not wake up from your slumber to do something you hate. Choose an exercise that give you butterflies in your stomach, which you know you will smash regardless of where you are at. Whether it’s running, lifting, yoga or plyometrics or combination of it all. Make sure it is something you ENJOY with your whole heart.

2. Listen to your body clock

It takes 66 days to form a habit. That’s about 9 weeks. Let’s say your goals is to start exercising 3 days a week. That’s a total of 27 times that you have to convince yourself to either get up early or get a workout in after work. Sounds overwhelming at first but believe me once your body is used to getting up that early and exercising often, it will tell you much it craves exercise when you stop. Especially if your are a desk junkie or couch potato. Over weekends, I do sleep in some of the time but I also see weekends as an opportunity to do a good session with no rush. Those are usually the best.

3. Music, music, music. 

Nothing wakes you up like a good old playlist of music that you love. Make a workout playlist on Spotify of all your favourite songs that are guaranteed to make you excited for the next 45min or so. Music has been proven to elevate your mood and combining it with a workout is the best. Especially if you get to choose what you want to hear, and play it as loud as you want to in the comfort of your own home.

4. Choose your time of day wisely.

If you are not a morning person, and you know that you won’t get up early or aren’t willing to sacrifice that hour or 2 of sleep, simply don’t plan your workouts for the morning. Similarly, if you know that after a hard day at the office you’d rather be winding down with a glass of vino while cooking, don’t plan your workouts for afternoon/evening. Don’t set yourself up for failure or stress yourself out about not being able to fit it in. I’ve done Yoga during lunch which I absolutely loved but it did come with a time pressure to get back to the office before those 2pm meetings, and all those zen gains were gone by the time I left for home.  You know what will suit your schedule so fit your workouts in around the rest of your life. 

5. Create your own dedicated space

I started in the middle of our lounge with a set of dumbbells and a mat. Humble beginning indeed. We converted a small spare room into a dedicated gym room and eventually built up so much gear, we converted our garage. This took a good 5 years but it was so worth it. Having that space immediately available is such a great tool for motivation. When I don’t feel like working out, I think about the investment I’ve made in this room, the time and cash of course. Plus seeing it as your safe space and that you’re actually caring and loving your body through movement, ensures a positive mindset and encourages self-discipline. Oh and you get to wear whatever the fuck you want without stares and judgement.

6. Have a ritual.

Another motivation mind hack. Preparation is everything. The night before, I prep my workout clothes and trainers, and I set out the equipment I will need for my workout. When I wake up, I splash my face with ice cold water and then I let the wolves in! Kidding! My dogs wake up with me and they come greet me at my bathroom window and whine until I open the door for them. We sit on the couch and I have 5min of stillness while either drinking pre-workout or a glass of water to get me ready for my session.

7. Make your Workout Plan work for YOU

This ties in with point number 1 but with so many options these days to workout at home, it may get overwhelming to choose a guide that will work for you 100%. Especially if you do not have all the required equipment or if you get bored easily. In recent months, I’ve learnt to adapt programs to fit my schedule, adding and subtracting where I have to. I modify movements that are too intense for my knees and amp it up with skipping to increase intensity. A great example of what I did for BBG was to do 14min each of Legs, Arms & Abs, and Full Body combined into one intense session. Learn to be adaptable and flexible to your needs and schedule. You can view a comprehensive list of workout guides here. 

8. Social Accountability

The biggest potential downer of working out at home? The social aspect disappears. Sounds like one big, “let’s sleep in trap right”? Enter social media communities! I created my fitstagram because I felt a bit lonely and met the most fantastic people through it. We meet often for after work dinners or Saturday morning sweat session and breakfasts. You get to meet like-minded people that will rarely judge you and that will share your love/hate relationship with whatever workout plan you’re following.  I like to check in via my Instagram stories to share my workout and stats for the day, and of course to share the cheeky sweaty selfie or my own workouts now and then. Social Media gets a bad rap all too often and for good reason, but remember it’s what you make of it and if you can use it to keep you accountable, hold onto that positive aspect it brings into your life.

Do you girls have any tips to stay motivated? Have any thoughts on the above? Let me know!

[lunaschild2016]

Worth Fighting For Chapter 2 - Reflections Of Time

Rating: M (violence, smut, language, references to abuse and violence)

Romance/Tragedy

He was ruthless, cunning and completely committed to protecting his city but her arrival to Dauntless called everything he ever thought he believed into question. Duty and following orders were no longer enough. They both found more than they ever thought possible. They both found something worth fighting for. Eric/OC AU M Tragedy/Romance

@kenzieam@ericdauntless@jojuarez26@jaihardy@iammarylastar@captstefanbrandt@captainviolets@badassbaker@readsalot73@fuckthatfeeling@dani5102@beltz2016@beautifulramblingbrains@affabletimelady@irasancti@meganbee15@pathybo@lauraaan182​@gylisaa@scorpio2009 @gylisaa

A/N: Posting this here but is also on ff.net site.

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Chapter 2- Reflections Of Time

Eric-Choosing Day:    Roughly one year ago

Whispers of silk moving against silk. Muffled gasps and moans. Flashes of delectable skin, so close and charged with a heat that called to me. These sensory images haunted me through my nights, leaving me in a tangled mess of my own making in bed. The space beside me remained cold but in those dreams it burned with the heat of passion. A passion I could never imagine existed and if ever asked would deny I would even want. Because what those images, those nightmares I was coming to call them, brought forth in me was a terrible burning in my soul and heart. A feeling of being so complete and of such rapture that the cold light of day left me a broken husk of a man.

Very few, two to be exact, had ever seen me any other way than the face I presented to all others at all times. Lately though, even they don’t get to see any semblance of the man behind the mask because that mask is slowly seeping into every part of me.

At twenty four years old I felt a man of eighty. The weight of a faction, no an entire fucking city, seems to be pressing down on me. Now I know why Max was reluctant to make me leader even with pressure from Jeanine. He had needed to know I wasn’t in it just for Jeanine because if I was then this pressure would make me snap. It would break me. It is trying to break me and it scares the shit out of me everyday how close it is coming to doing just that.

The screeching of the digital alarm clock on my bedside table alerts me that I need to get my butt in gear and get ready to face another day. One of the worst days of my year was about to start and I needed the coffee to be able to deal with this. So I began my day with a cup of coffee in my apartment, then went to the meetings that would take up most of the morning before the new initiates arrived. It messed up my normal routine so that was another reason to add to my foul mood.

Chase slid a breakfast sandwich across to me when he took his place at the conference table. “Zach put a couple of these together for us this morning since we couldn’t do the normal thing.” He mumbled around a large bite he had just taken of his own.

“Thanks.” I nodded and took a bite while looking over notes and waiting for the meeting to start. Lauren breezed in, late as usual, causing all of us to scowl but Chase even more since he was the one stuck with her for training the Dauntless born.

It was the same shit from every year although there were some new rules that were being implemented. Cuts were being made, steep cuts. I rubbed the bridge of my nose as Four spoke up about his displeasure in regards to the cuts and fighting changes. He kept shooting glares at me, as always pinning all this shit on me. Never mind there were four other leaders sitting around this table that were just as responsible for passing the new rules and Max the senior leader that had final say.

Chase shot me a look telling me to keep it cool as I looked away and clenched my fists on the table. You would think after over seven years of having to deal with each other we could move past old shit but that wasn’t going to happen with me and Four. At times I wish with all my being that I had been able to prove my suspicions about him. Get him out of the picture all together.

With a sigh I crack my neck and focus back on the meeting. It was going to be a long hour until the meeting broke and we could all finally head to greet the new blood.

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The four or five Dauntless members that stood on the roof waiting for the train took bets on what kind of mix we would see in the initiates this year. We tossed around predictions on what faction the first jumper would be from and what faction would likely be the last jumper.

The Choosing Ceremony had been over for a while now but it took a good hour for the train to make it’s way to the jumping point. Max had called that it should be appearing within the next five minutes or so.

Max was handling greeting initiates this year. He decided this because two years ago, before the choosing age changed once more from eighteen to twenty, I had lost patience after no one had volunteered. I had just decided to toss the first person near me over the ledge. While it had been amusing and we were looking to inspire a little fear in the initiates, that apparently wasn’t exactly the fear the other leaders had been looking for. It had felt fantastic for all of three minutes and then it felt just as hollow as everything else felt to me lately.

I was glad to hand that particular duty over to him. I had enough on my plate to deal with between being in charge of overseeing training as well as the multitude of meetings I have to attend normally. Not to mention that I am expected to just drop everything and go running to Matthews when she quirks her finger for us to. It was exhausting, annoying and my mood that wasn’t great in the best of times was anything but mellow these days.

“Train is approaching!” Someone called out and Chase nudged me.

“Remember the bet. The first jumper is going to be a Candor this year.” Chase said firmly as he was pulling for his former faction.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. It still surprised the shit out of me that I had become best friends with two former Mouth’s. Chase is the only friend besides Zach that could claim to know anything about me or see any other side of me besides what the rest of the faction and city saw.

“Dauntless born. It is always Dauntless born lately.” I said with a slight proud smirk. I had been the last non Dauntless-born first jumper and that was close to seven years ago when I transferred in at a time when the choosing age was still sixteen.

Chase chuckles and shakes his head at my look. Then we hear it, the train as it makes its way towards us. It slows slightly as it comes around the corner that is just before the row of roofs that are all part of the compound. It is the only concession we made here. We slowed the train enough that it gave time for all the jumpers to take their turn.

The first car is usually only the Dauntless members that have gone to the ceremony in either an official capacity or because they had family choosing. Some stay on the roof after they make their jump. Some of them go to the area where the net is to wait and see the initiates jump. Most of the others go on about their day or duties or start partying.

Dauntless-born came next, interspersed with transfers. At first I saw the normal mix of Erudite and Candor in among the Dauntless-born. Then my eye was caught by two that seemed to be in some kind of stand off.

What had my eyebrows in my hairline was the fact that the two involved were a Candor boy and a Abnegation girl. From the look on the Candor guys face I was fully expecting to see a grey splatter on the ground in seconds. So I was more than taken by surprise by what happened next.

The Abnegation girl got a brief flash of a snarl before it turned into a wicked smile and she shoved the Candor from the train and to the roof. There were calls of surprise and laughter as he fell straight to the roof with surprising force and accuracy, a girly shriek tearing from him as he fell.

“Are you seeing this?” Chase said in gasped laughter and disbelief. Because directly after she had shoved the Mouth, she had laughed, smirked and then leaped out herself.

She went into a tuck and roll then popped up brushing herself off as if she had just gotten a little dust on her jacket and she hadn’t just jumped from a moving locomotive onto a seven story roof. I might have been amazed by that alone but that isn’t what held me practically spellbound at the moment. It was her face, her smile and this glow she had about her. She was stunning and I felt as if the wind was being taken from me but at the same time, life was being breathed into me.

She looked like no damn Abnegation I had ever seen. She might have her hair up and the grey on but it all faded away. I also couldn’t help but look at each of her features and I swear to gods she was wearing some kind of makeup, but that couldn’t be possible.

Chase elbows me but when I look to him, I see his own eyes are locked onto her just as much as mine had just been. That gets broken when we see a Candor girl built like an Amazon storm up to her with a scowl on her face.

“You could have killed him!” The Amazonian screeches out and goes to put her hands on the not so stiff, stiff. She just rolls her eyes and side steps the attack, causing the girl to stumble and trip to the ground.

“I could only hope to be so damn lucky.” She mutters but it isn’t quiet and wouldn’t matter if she had been because all attention seems to be on her anyways. I know all of my attention is on her. I can’t even help the smirk that tilts my lips up as Chase snorts. “And if you were observing closely, I aimed him precisely where I wanted him to hit with the perfect amount of force. Enough to make him scream like the little bitch he is but not enough to kill him.”

She pauses and sighs dejectedly. “I am still up in the air on whether I did him a favor or all the rest of us a disservice. Time will tell though.” With that she shrugs as if she really was torn about her decision and moves off.

Another Abnegation girl had just careened to the roof, holding the hand of a Candor girl and she approached her.

“Are we just being fucking invaded here?” I mutter out but still can’t take my eyes off of the first girl.

“Mary Katherine! Did you have to push him? He wasn’t going to hurt me.” The other girl admonishes my stiff….Mary Katherine? Gods, I hate that fucking name! I smirk a little when she winces and grimaces as soon as it is uttered.

She brushes off the gravel of the other girls jacket, frowning at a tear and cut on her arm. “First of all, I was helping him get over his obvious feelings of inadequacy. Shown by his need to fuck with you.” She gave the other girl a pointed look before she continued. “Second of all, yes he would have. If you think different Beatrice, then you are in for a world of hurt during initiation. Ask your friend here. I am sure she could tell you about the new resident dick of Dauntless.”

She isn’t wrong there. One look at the glare the Candor and his two friends are throwing to the girls shows they are going to be going for the weakest to make themselves look better.

“Last of all,” she continues in a frustrated voice that still sounds musical “please do not call me by that travesty of a name. I am and have only ever responded to Kat for years now. If you are smart you will change yours too, Bea. I mean unless you just want to live with an instant chastity belt tethered to you.”

The Candor girls mouth drops open while the other abnegation turns red and gasps. “Mary Katherine!”

There are sputters of laughter all over and I look over to Chase who is holding in a laugh.

Kat rolls her eyes and sighs. “Lighten up Bea. It was a joke...sort of.” She sighs and shakes her head. “I really do think, dear sister, our parents chose our names as an instant abstinence tactic though. Do they teach that in Abnegation initiation you think?” She assumes the normal Abnegation ‘stick up their ass’ posture and her face takes on a mask as she takes a breath. “By the way fellow Stiffs; someday you will lay with a man or a woman and produce a new little stiff. We expect you to keep the tradition of leg locking names alive.”

She says this all in an almost perfect imitation of the condescending tone of Marcus Eaton. Ripples of laughter make the way along the roof and while I don’t laugh, I crack the first smile I have let loose in a very, very long time it seems. I shake my head in wonder at this strange and refreshing girl while Chase is holding his stomach he is laughing so hard.

All laughter or chatter is cut short when there is a strangled scream followed by a more pronounced one. I know before I even look over to the Dauntless born pulling the girl from the edge what it means. I also know I am going to be the one to have to deal with it as well.

Max looks to both Chase and I, causing me to sigh and nod. I elbow Chase and I can’t help but notice that his eyes and head crane to get one more last look at the girl I think we both want to stay and watch. I have a duty to take care of so I can only watch as Kat had walked away from her sister to join a group of Dauntless-born who seem to know her and had been waving her over.

My very last look just before I went into the stairwell was of her being pulled into a hug by the three of them, one being a Pedrad. My scowl at having to leave deepened at the look of affection on Uriah Pedrad’s face before I lost sight of her completely.