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howtofightwrite · 4 years ago

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Q&A: Insert Witty Banter Here

Can two people really have a proper conversation while fighting? It’s my first time writing a fully engaged fighting and I keep remembering 1) all the action movies I’ve watched where they either fight as they talk or stop between moves to taunt each other 2) a tv channel that showed different martial arts completions and there were waiting between moves but no stops. So I’ve been wondering if it’s actually realistic or not.

To abuse a quote I can’t remember the source of, “No, but also yes.”

You’re not going to have a coherent conversation mid-fight. It’s a bad idea that will end poorly. Basically, when you’re in a serious fight you don’t want to split your attention between the person trying to end your life, and sounding witty at the same time.

In a firefight, you don’t want to announce your location to people armed with weapons that can blow through whatever you’re hiding behind, so belting out threats and taunts isn’t really going to work there at all.

However, in melee, there is value in distracting your opponent. While I’m hesitant to classify anything in the 1989 Batman film as “realistic,” the idea of asking someone, “have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?” has some merit. (Or, at least, would in a world where that film doesn’t exist.) It’s a very strange question that has the possibility of confusing your foe. It won’t work on a disciplined enemy, it won’t work on the same person twice, but having a weird question or two, that you can spout off without thinking has some value.

Similarly, taunts, screams, and weird noises, all have uses. At best, they’ll distract, confuse, or unnerve your foes. At worst, you’re going to be exhaling as you strike anyway, so you’re not giving up much.

If you’re not trying for a, “real world,” feel, there’s a lot of justification for including witty banter, or clever dialog in your fight scenes. Characters talking shop while trying to kill one another creates a comedically mundane feeling. For them, the act of fending off assassins has become so mundane they’re tuned out. It replicates the feeling anyone working a mundane job has felt but transposes it into a context that should be exciting. Except that novelty has worn thin for the characters, and now it’s just business as usual. This can be darkly comedic, and the is some reality here as well.

People who deal with violence, or the aftermath of violence, on a regular basis, can develop an unusually dark sense of humor. Police, soldiers, doctors, EMS, and anyone else who deals with violence or its aftermath on a regular basis will start to normalize this, and at that point, their unfiltered sense of humor can become truly disturbing to the uninitiated. That even extends to us. I remember once accidentally horrifying an Australian over Discord because I was joking about a Mafia assassination from the mid-1930s with Michi while on a hot mic.

This would never result in comparing notes with someone trying to kill you, but that mindset isn’t completely unrealistic, and the humor of it isn’t as out there as it first appears.

Characters bantering with one another can be valuable for you. It will help keep your fight interesting. It allows you to play with characterization you wouldn’t normally see. (If your characters would never sit down and snark at each other, having them do that over crossed swords can let you explore that material.) If the end result is entertaining, it has done it’s job. It’s not true to the real world, but that was never the point.

The high water mark here is, probably The Princess Bride. That has some the best combat banter you’ll ever encounter. It’s high tempo, so it never drags down the fight. It’s punchy when it needs to be. It explores character relations and motivations. It helps you get to know these characters. Finally, it is eminently entertaining. That cast had a beautiful chemistry going, and the end result is some of the finest banter you’ll ever see on film.

In the specific context of film, breaking for dialog is also very useful from a production standpoint. It gives the actors time to pause and recover between bouts of action. Somewhat obviously, this is not something you’d want as a real combatant, you want your opponent exhausted and then dead, but when you’re making a film, that would be a less desirable outcome.

As for martial arts competitions, it’s there the name, you’re competing with the other participants. Even if there’s no ill will, you’re going to maintain a degree of discipline between techniques / bouts / rounds / whatever. This is less true with competitive sports like boxing or MMA, where attempting to psych out your opponent is part of a legitimate strategy. So, the exact downtime interactions will depend on the sport’s culture and competitive rules.

Professional Wrestling is a good example of the boxing / MMA behavior amplified to the point of parody. Interactions between participants will have their own scripted theater events outside of the bout. Again, it’s not real, but it was never supposed to be.

Incidentally, the wrestling likes this for the same reasons it’s convenient in film. It gives the performers time to recover. There’s also a few other non-verbal variants there, including some of the holds, which are designed to give both performers a breather without looking the match is stalling out.

Now, there are a few real applications for trying to talk to your foes, instead of fighting them. However, note that last bit, “instead of fighting.” If you’re trying to defuse a situation, or stall for time, talking can do that more efficiently than fighting (and is generally much safer.) That said, this won’t be interspersed into a fight. When you’re writing a scene like this, the dialog is carrying the tension, because if your character miscalculates, the situation could turn violent.

So, you won’t see witty banter mid-fight in the real world. At least, not unless both participants think, “that’s how it’s supposed to work,” and are playing into the cliche. It won’t end well for a character who tries this against someone who knows better. Yelling at your opponent, trying to distract or confuse them, does work, and you may see that, but it would be more in the range of, “weird nonsense,” rather than true snark. You can use words to defuse a dangerous situation. That’s real, though there’s complex psychology involved.

However, you will see witty banter in fiction because it’s very useful for many reasons. This isn’t a mark against fiction for being “unrealistic,” when it is useful, and the work as a whole benefits.

So, as I misquoted at the beginning, “no, but also yes.”

-Starke

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Q&A: Insert Witty Banter Here was originally published on How to Fight Write.

#fightwrite answers #Starke answers #writing advice #writing banter #writing reference #writing tips

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mi6-cafe · 4 years ago

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DRABBLES FOR WEEK 3 ARE HEEERE!

This week our competitors were asked to write exactly 300 words of pure dialogue inspired by the word: “slip”

HOW DO YOU VOTE?

Read all the drabbles. (they’re below the line)

Choose three that you like the most.

Fill out this VOTING FORM, telling us your favourites. (You can even leave anonymous feedback for the author).

NOTE: If you are a competitor, you CANNOT vote for your own fic. But please, do vote. :)

The voting period ends at 11:59 PM EST on Sunday night. Results will be posted and anonymous feedback will be emailed on Monday.

Drabbles below the cut:

Title: Slip of the Tongue Author: IrishWitch58 (captain-magicalkitty) Warnings:None Summary: Q let's something slip out during a private briefing. James actually does listen, especially when it's something he's been waiting to hear.

“This is a simple concept. Access the control center, find the central station, and insert this drive. Once it downloads, you enter this sequence on the keyboard, and remove the drive.”

“And what does the download do exactly?”

“It will send their outgoing communications to us first, allowing us to know their plans and modify them in ways the receivers will not suspect. The result will be that we will eventually close the net around the entire organization. The concept is not that difficult if you would just focus. I sometimes think you play up technological ignorance to get attention. I suspect I would be out of patience if I didn't love you.”

“What did you say?”

“I said you were playing at being ignorant and we have work to do. Now pay attention. We still have to get through this briefing if the mission is to have any chance of success.”

“I really think the briefing can wait just a bit. I believe you're trying to divert me. I know what I heard.”

“You didn't hear anything except my frustration with your lack of attention, 007.”

“Then why are you blushing, Q? You do blush very attractively. I recall you turned a lovely rosy shade the first time I kissed you...”

“Just stop right there, Bond.”

“Oh no, I don't think so. I especially remember how pink you turned the first time I put my tongue...”

“I said stop it, this is not the time or the place!”

“I'll stop if you admit it. I know what I heard. There's nothing wrong with my ears. As a matter of fact, you seem to like them as handles when I...”

“Dammit, James. Yes I love you, you arrogant, aggravating, man. Now can we please get to work?”

“With pleasure, darling.”

Title: The Village of Barnsley Author: Venstar Warnings: geekery Summary: roll for initiative.

The Village of Barnsley’s life force is slipping away. Peasants are fleeing and some have disappeared with no explanation.

Excellent. Peasants to do my bidding, ha!

Oaf.

No one seems to know the cause of the decay. What skulks through the twisted shadows of the night? It will take a brave and skillful band of adventures to solve the riddle!

I’m brave and skilled, that’s me.

You are weak and your dice are cursed, Alec you’re going to get us killed.

Do you think my goats are going to be okay?

You can sell them.

Never!

If the village is in trouble and they need food for information, we’re selling your goats, James.

Touch my goats and I’ll roll to shoot you with my longbow.

Children, please let the DM continue. I have a meeting tomorrow morning and I don’t want to show up with dark circles under my eyes.

Tanner has to fix the trouble in the town of the MI5 and MI6 joint task force. Maybe taking my dice will improve things for you.

I doubt it. Okay, so this village is slowly slipping away.

What’s in it for us?

Spoken like a true mercenary.

Hey, You want goats, I want benefits.

OKAY OKAY! Your band of merry men-

And women

Your band of merry men AND women

And for those of us who are undecided.

I swear to all that is unholy….YOUR BAND OF MERRY ARSEHOLES has become aware of the changes in Barnsley through some vague rumors. Do you want to roll to hear the rumors?

Yes.

No.

Shut up, Alec.

That’s Sir Alec the Brave to you!

Yes, we want to hear a rumor. Who gets to roll first? Goat man?

I agree one must gather intelligence.

Let’s roll! I want to hear a rumor!

Title: No, YOU do the mission report Author: stormofsharpthings Warnings: none Summary: slip - noun (FOR BOAT) a place where a boat or ship can be parked, between two piers

“007, why are you driving a boat through the harbour?”

“I’m piloting this yacht because it’s too bloody big to leave drifting as a navigational hazard. The harbour patrol would notice and there’s a dozen dead bodies aboard. I assume you don’t want an international incident...”

“Q,tell him it’d only be his third this year...”

“Alec, shut up and make sure the deck is clear. Q, find out where this wallowing scow normally docks, will you? We'll look suspicious if we just wander about like this too much longer.”

“Too late, James, harbour patrol incoming. Q, got any long-distance lasers?”

“Fuck. Alec, can you divert them somehow? We can’t let them board us.”

“007, head to the northern section of the harbour, to a marina called the Golden Seas.”

“Right. Alec?”

“Just steer us straight and leave the distraction to me.”

“006, why are you stripping that corpse?”

“Q, have you got a drone in the air somewhere? If so, you might want to avert your tender gaze...”

“006, why are you stripping?”

“Take a deep breath, quartermaster, I’m about to engage in a distraction guaranteed to send them away.”

“You’re...tell me you’re not actually...”

“Stop snickering, James, and please explain to our poor innocent quartermaster while I shout angrily at the fools who’ve dared to interrupt our erotic escapades.”

“Well, Q, when a boy likes another boy...”

“007!”

“No, quartermaster, Alec is not going to engage in sexual congress with a fresh corpse. But the harbour patrol won’t interfere with a rich man’s pleasure cruise, either. They know where their bribes come from, especially when they’re reminded in such colorful Russian. Entering the marina now, Q.”

“Oh, er, slip 24 is the correct one, 007.”

“Right. Dispatch a cleaning crew and we’ll be happy to report our mission complete.”

Title: Quotable Quotations Author: Anyawen Warnings: Summary: Film buffs Bond and Q trade movie quotes to stave off boredom. Bond slips a serious question into the game.

“I’m bored, Q.”

“You’re impossible, Bond.”

“'I do not think that word means what you think it means.'”

“I know exactly what it means, and if I had any doubt, your picture in the dictionary would surely give it away.”

“'Why so serious?'”

“MI6 frowns on using comms for idle chatter.”

“My flight’s been delayed twice, Q. If I have to watch another woman order some salted, drizzled, whipped, pumpkin-spiced abomination, I will go mad.”

“In the interests of preserving what little remains of your sanity, 'I’ll have what she’s having.'”

“'As you wish.'”

“You already quoted from The Princess Bride. You lose.”

“That was before you agreed to play. Doesn’t count.”

“Fine. 'I’m your Huckleberry.'”

“My what?”

“Oh, you don’t know that one? You lose. Again.”

“What’s it from?”

“Tombstone. 1993.”

“Never been a big fan of westerns.”

“'Nobody’s perfect.'”

“Hmmm. 'I can't see anything I don't like about you.'”

“Ha! 'As if.'”

“'You make me want to be a better man.'”

“'Everything is possible, even the impossible.'”

“'Today is a good day to try.'”

“'The present is well out of hand.'”

“'I love you beyond poetry.'”

“... 'I know.'”

"'I want you. I want all of you, forever. You and me, every day.'"

"Uh. 'You talking to me?'"

"'Shut up. Yes or no.'"

"... 'Surely you can't be serious.'"

"'Carpe Diem.'"

“'Even walls have ears,' Bond.”

“'Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.'”

“James …”

“'Go ahead, make my day.'”

“You’re really doing this over comms?"

"'Our lives are defined by opportunities—'"

"All right, then. 'You had me at 'hello'.'"

“That’s a yes?”

"Yes. 'Come what may.'"

"'I'm king of the world.'"

"Well, your majesty, tickets to Paris and a seat on the Eurostar should have you home in 10 hours. Boarding now. Gate B50. ‘Shake a leg.’”

Title: Freudian Slip Author: SouffleGirl91 Warnings: swearing Summary: Every now and then, the mask slips and he ends up saying exactly what’s on his mind (or, 5 times Bond has a slip of the tongue and 1 time it was Q)

“Don’t you get tired of following orders?”

“Do you?”

“Sometimes. We aren’t their dogs. Stop acting like you are.”

“Alec…”

“We could leave, you know? Make a run for it. They’d never find us.”

“I have to go. I’ve got a meeting with my leash. Lead. With my lead.”

“Don’t stick around for too long, James. Loyalty doesn’t always go both ways.”

“Goodbye, Alec.”

“-don’t care what happened with Trevelyan, I will not defend you in front of the select committee a second time. Is that understood?”

“Hm.”

“007, I asked you a question. Is. That. Understood?”

“Yes, mum.”

“...”

“Ma’am. Yes, ma’am.”

“Take some time. Get yourself together before you come back, Bond. Dismissed.”

“...Fuck.”

“So? How are you settling back in?”

“Fine.”

“Getting to know the new Quartermaster? He’s quite the-”

“Moneypenny, if M’s busy, you can just shoot me off. Shoo. Fuck. I didn’t mean that.”

“James? I thought we were past that? Is everything ok?”

“I’ll come back later.”

“...James?”

“The Van Gogh print I recognize, but what’s this one?”

“Hmm? Oh, that’s one of mine.”

“You paint?”

“Sometimes. When I’m not rebuilding guns for careless agents. They’re just daubs, really.”

“Not at all. I like your arse- art! ...I like your paintings, I mean.”

“...Thanks. I think.”

“You should leave.”

“Madeleine, what-?”

“You don’t want to be here, James. I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me back. This isn’t working.”

“So… what? It’s not me, it’s Q- you. You. Fuck. Fuck.”

“Go home, James.”

“Q.”

“Bond? You’re back?”

“I am.”

“They didn’t believe me, you know. When I told them you’d come back to me. Us. Shit. Back to MI6, I mean.”

“Actually, you were right the first time.”

“What?”

“Forget MI6, Q. I came back to you.”

“You- what?”

“If you’ll have me.”

Title: Note Passing Author: sunaddicted Warnings: none Summary: elementary school tactics are the very best "So, now we are passing notes as if we are kids still in school?" "I wouldn't have had to, if you replied to my texts" "Maybe there was a specific reason why I wasn't doing that - did you think of it while you folded this slip of paper and batted your lashes at Moneypenny to persuade her to pass it along?" "You really sound unnecessarily peeved by the note passing" "Let's say I just expect a little more maturity from a grown man" "I didn't think you would have appreciated being stalked around MI6 any better" "To be fair... that's true.Oh, stop it! I can hear your smugness" "You can't hear smugness" "When it comes to you? I can" "You're just being dramatic" "You're one to talk. Don't get me started: I'm very busy and I don't have the time to list all the ways and occasions in which you have proved how much of a drama queen you are. I actually don't even have the time for this call" "You could have just texted me your answer - or you know, you could have passed me a note: some of us still appreciate the beauty of the written word, the effort of picking out the best stationery-" "-you wrote yours on the back of a recei-" "-the intimacy of putting your handwriting on display. I could go on and on about the meaningfulness and superiority of handwritten notes" "You're so full of bullshit" "And you're stalling: for someone claiming to be oh so busy, you sure are enjoying keeping me on the phone" "Maybe I'm just making you gag for it" "If only you'd let me show how next to nonexistent my gag reflex is..." "Stop - stop right there.I'll come to dinner, happy?" "Immensely so, my dear Quartermaster"

Title: All Wrapped Up Author: Iambid (Flantastic) Warnings: Mature Summary: Q gives James a present

“Hello darling.”

“There you are. R told me you’d taken the afternoon off. Are you feeling alright?”

“Oh yes. I got a notification that a parcel was due to be delivered… I thought I’d better be here to receive it.”

“Have you been buying gadgets online again?”

“Not quite. Sit down.”

“Darling?”

“Shhh. Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m wearing a dressing gown in the middle of the afternoon?”

“Why are you wearing a…”

“Or perhaps you should be asking what I’m wearing under it?”

“Why, what… oh. Oh.”

“Do you like it? I found this company online that sells lingerie for men and when I saw that they had a full set in black satin with a matching waist slip and… well, you’re always saying how much you like satin and…”

“Q? Shut up.”

“Hehe… what are you-ARGH! Jesus fucking Christ, warn a guy next time!”

“You look delicious. I want you laid out like a platter…”

“Yes, but I’m sure I could have laid down on the sofa on my own.”

“Maybe. Now let’s see… I like the bra-let. Very sexy, but what I’d really like to see is what these stockings are attached to under your minxy little petticoat… oh. Well isn’t that sweet? Do you know, ladies don’t often go for suspender belts these days? It’s all hold ups. I can’t stand them. Oh, but this is lovely. Just look: you’ve got me a little gift too. All wrapped in satin, done up with a bow.”

“It’s not that little, you cheeky sod.”

“Mmmm, no. Especially not if I do this…”

“You’re a man of many talents.”

“Were they expensive?”

“Were what expensive?”

“The knickers. I have I feeling I’ll be tearing them off you before very long…”

“They were quite reasonable... Oh James…”

Title: Slip up Author: AtoTheBean Warnings: None Summary: In which Q fails at technology

“You should tell him.” “Oh my god, you are the worst, most meddlesome best friend ever.” “He’s been back six months—” “I’m very aware.” “—and he’s different.” “He’s n—” “He’s different. Less…" “Of a prat?” “The prat was charming. Worked on you.” “Shut it.” “Of course, love... You know, I think these little happy hours of ours might work better on Zoom. The telephone just doesn’t capture my commiserating, compassionate—” “Ha!” “—expression.” “I’m off duty. You don’t need to see my pajamas.” “Wouldn't be the first time. But I agree; they’re wasted on me. Best invite him over.” “You’re relentless.” “Because I love you. And you deserve happiness.” “Deserve has nothing to do with anything. I’ll have to refill my scotch if you’re going soft.” “Time for the second round, then.” “It’s the third, I think.” “Fine. Third. You shouldn’t wor—” “Hold on, someone else is ringing in. I’ll be back in a mo.” “Fine, but I’m not done—” “...Hello?” “Q? This is James Bond.” “...” “Bond?” “Yes... is this Q?” “It is. I just… I’m on another call. If you’d hold one moment… “Of course.” “...” “It’s him. On the other line. What do I do? If I talk to him right now, I know I’ll slip up and say something mortifying.” “...This is still James, Q.” “Oh god. Uh, sorry Bond. Just one moment. I’ll be right back.” “Of course.” “...” “I hate you. You’ve orchestrated this, somehow. Got me drunk and worked on me to tell him how I feel... and suddenly he’s got my number and he's calling on a Friday night…” “...” “Eve?” “Still James, actually.” “Bugger me!” “I was hoping we might start with dinner, actually. It sounds like the conversation will be... lively. Tomorrow at seven?” “...” “...” “Somewhere nice.” “Of course, Q.”

Title: Tongue-Tied Author: sorion Warnings: - Summary: Always listen to your Quartermaster.

"For the record, I do not approve of your course of action, 007."

"Duly noted."

"The only time you duly do anything, I would imagine."

"Dearest Q, if your tone of voice had implied that you truly did not approve or, dare I say it, you were even worried for me, I would have done more than note duly."

"Would you have noted aggressively?"

"At the very least, Quartermaster."

"I'm less than impressed. Assailants are closing in, by the way, in case you hadn't noticed. You also have a blind spot, your four o'clock."

"I had noticed, thank you. Keep me updated on my blind spot, please. ... ... ..."

"Bond! Report!"

"Just some unfriendly fire, no need to worry."

"I was not worried. I asked you to report."

"Of course."

"You will take me seriously."

"Always."

"I'd make a note, but there's activity in your blind spot."

"..."

"Move straight ahead. Watch your left."

"..."

"Take the stairs to the roof. I shut down all elevators."

"How very inconvenient."

"It'll be more inconvenient if they shut them down with you inside one. I can take over controls, but even I can't screw in a fuse remotely. And you don't want them to get to the roof before you, do you?"

"..."

"Can I assume from your heavy breathing that you are heeding my advice for a change? ... Don't laugh and run."

"Did you lock the door to the stairway behind me?"

"That goes without saying. They'll break it down soon enough, no doubt... But not before you get to your airlift."

"Smug little bastard, I love you."

"..."

"... Working with you."

"Slip of the tongue, 007?"

"Ah, well. The sneaking around was fun while it lasted."

"... I'll have you know that nobody here looks particularly surprised. Do stop laughing."

"There's my lift. Wait for me."

"Always."

#10

Title: you know my name (or you don't) Author: scarytheory Warnings: none Summary: Bond is bantering with Q over the earpiece. The topic is, as usual, the mystery of Q's name.

“I'm pretty sure it's Quigley.”

“Really, Bond? Do you believe that my parents would do that to me? Also, we should keep it professional while you're in the field.”

“This is a professional curiosity. Anyway, it says Quashawn in your documents, but I don't think that's true.”

”When did you see my files?”

”I'm a spy, remember?”

”I'll need to have a word with Eve.”

“Or maybe it's Quirrel.”

“Ten points for the Harry Potter reference, but sadly, Quirrel is a surname.”

“So you are admitting that your first name starts with Q?”

“No! Just concentrate on the mission, Bond. Seriously, sometimes I ask myself, how I could love such an annoying git.”

“…”

“What?”

“You're in love with me, Q?”

“No, that would be absurd! It was a slip of the tongue.”

“Ha!”

“Don't flatter yourself, Bond, it's just an expression. It wasn't meant in a romantic way at all.”

“So you love me non-romantically? That makes sense.”

“Oh, no. We are NOT doing this. Can we please go back to your obsession with my name?”

“Perhaps later, this is much more interesting.”

“Don't be a child, Bond. And thanks to you, now I'll need to burn this tape.”

“Such a shame. You could have a beautiful reminder of your love confession.”

“Bond! What do you need me to do to let this go?”

“…”

“Shit. I have to tell you my name, right?”

“I think that could work.”

“And if I do that, you promise that we'll never speak about this ever again?”

“Yes.”

“Well. Okay.”

“So?”

“It's John.”

“Really? That's…”

“Boring? Disappointing? Should I change my name to Quasimodo?”

“No. I actually like this one a lot. And… John?”

“What?”

“When I come back, we should discuss my alleged unprofessionalism over dinner. Non-romantically, of course.”

#11

Title: Static Author: Ksania / @starrboned-art Warnings: Implied canon-typical violence Summary: Bond and Q find themselves in a predicament.

"007."

"..."

"Bond."

"Mmh."

"James!"

"Oof!"

"Good, you're awake."

"I was awake this whole time."

"Of course, my bad for thinking otherwise. Your drooling face is obviously a technique to disarm your captors."

"Glad we're on the same page."

"Indeed."

"....Where are we, exactly?"

"And here I thought you were completely awake this whole time."

"Q."

"I don't know. A warehouse is my best guess. A few miles from London. Grabbed us on the way to Heathrow - how's your head?"

"Hmm, like I got hit by a two-ton truck."

"Memory still intact, I see."

"How are you awake?"

"Luck. Looking harmless enough not to be kicked in the head."

"Ha... Sitrep?"

"Three hostiles at least. One leader, two henchmen. Put a sack over our heads on the way here. Haven’t demanded anything yet - I guess an hour has passed since the car crash."

"Handcuffs?"

"Lockpick, back of the belt."

"Convenient."

"Bond! That is not my belt."

"Sorry, Q."

"Careful, Bond. Slip your fingers in the wrong pocket and you might find yourself without a hand."

"Why, Q, that's quite the image."

"Just get it done, I hear footsteps-"

"Hush, I almost have it-"

"Ah, I see you're finally awake, Mr. Bond."

"You have me at a disadvantage, Miss...?"

"No need for names. You gave us quite the chase in Berlin, Mr. Bond."

"If you wanted a private audience, you should have just said the word. No need for a crowd."

"No? I feel that your boy toy will be quite persuasive."

"Don't you dare-"

"My, villain standards are slipping these days."

"Q!"

"I'm quite alright, Bond. Told you to be careful with what you touch."

"What was it?"

"Oh, just a normal, state-of-the-art taser. Disguised as a credit card."

"And you never gave me one?"

"Only good boys deserve nice toys."

#12

Title: tête-à-tête Author: azure3795arts Warnings: none Summary: short conversations -

“—Focus on my voice. Breathe. In then out—”

“Q?”

“Yes. I’m here.”

“Sorry, but... Getting a little fuzzy.”

“Hold on. Evac on route. 2 more minutes.”

“I”m afraid I’ll have to see you later, Q.”

“What? 007, What do you—wait—”

“Take care of yourself.”

“No. Bond. Bond!”

“You know what they say about sleeping at your table.”

“That I’m dedicated to my work?”

“No. That you’ll drool and get a stiff neck for your trouble.”

“I don’t drool.”

“Sure. I thought I told you to take care of yourself.”

“Don’t you dare use that card with me, Bond.” – “Not after you did.”

“Resurrection. Hobby—”

“Shut up. You don’t have any equipment to turn in, so do us both a favor and get out.”

“Good morning to you, too, Quartermaster. I’ll leave you to it.”

“... Bond.”

“Yes?”

“Welcome back.”

“Thank you.”

“Does M not have more missions for you, or are you just going into early retirement?”

“Well, you saw the medical file, Q—”

“Bold of you to assume I keep track.”

“Hmm.”

“I don’t suppose I can tell you to bugger off from my flat?”

“You can.” – “At the risk of abusing an injured personnel.”

“That’s rich coming from you.” – “Whatever. Stay or leave, just pick one and stop bothering me. And don’t disturb the cats.”

“I won’t.”

“Why keep a cot here if you’re not going to utilize it. At least drag your arse on it.”

“You have no right to tell me where to drag my arse, Bond. No right.”

“Yes, and I suppose you didn’t just nearly walk into a wall.”

“That was one time.”

“You can’t keep doing this, Q.”

“What do you—Who is it?”

“Q…”

“Oh, Miss Moneypenny. Come in.”

“Just... Who were you talking to just now?”

“Nothing. No one.”

#13

Title: Lingerie Author: sparklycitrus Warnings: None Summary: Q and Moneypenny have a pleasant chat on a Friday evening off-work.

“Eve, hello. What can I do for you?” “Hello dear boffin. Are you alone?” “Er, yes?” “Oh, good. Don’t worry, nothing disastrous has happened, I just need your expert opinion on a minor personal emergency. Hold one sec, I’m going to call you back on video.” “Video? Wait, what-?” -- “Hello again. Sorry, have I caught you at a bad time after all?” “Pardon my state of undress. I was just getting ready to go out.” “Ooh, is it a date? Who is it? No one I know, I hope.” “Eve – your emergency?” “Right, do change the subject. Well, no matter, here – gold or blue?” “…what?” “Gold, or blue?” “Are those… meant to be worn on a moving body? The construction doesn’t look sturdy enough for, well, anything really.” “You can come up with a detailed improvement plan later. Which one looks better?” “On you?” “No, on M. Of course on me. Tonight. Under a cocktail dress. Personally I like the gold one – makes my bosom look fuller, no? But the blue is a nicer color. And it works better with my shoes.” “…It has to match your shoes?” “What, you think I’m going to stand in a stranger’s bedroom barefoot. What kind of girl do you take me for?” “Uh…right. Apologies. The gold one, then. The brown accents compliment your eyes. The overall structure is more pleasing on a feminine curve. And yes, it does make bosoms look fuller.” “Excellent. Thank you darling. Now carry on with your evening. I shall go get ready myself.” “Ahem, where did you find these anyway?” “An absolutely adorable online boutique! Good prices, too. Why, thinking of getting one for yourself?” “…” “Oh, oh god. You are seeing someone. Oh it better not be–” “Goodbye, Eve. Have a pleasant evening.” “Q–Oi!”

#14

Title: Slip Over Pints Author: ladymars Warnings: No Warnings Apply Summary: R and S try to advise Q.

"I don't know why I let you two drag me here. Three Science Branch heads at the same place outside of Headquarters? There must be guidelines against this." "Well, I think that's 004 flirting with one of the secretaries, if that makes you feel better." "And this place does make M's favourite chips." "So, have another pint and tell us about your little crush..." "Oh, shush, R. It's nothing like that." "Q, dear, I heard you over the roar of the chemical hood. If Bond didn't hear you, he must be deaf from standing too close to explosions." "Hell, I heard you from across the room even. 'Why don't you go and-'" "I know what I said! It was just a slip of the tongue! Nothing more!" "I think you want a slip of something else from him..." "God, S, you're almost as vulgar as the agents. Leave poor Q alone." "If I'm as vulgar as the agents, then Q definitely has a chance with 007. I bet Bond'd appreciate the honesty." "...You'd really think so?" "Q, don't-" "Yeah! You have to be direct with guys like him, or else he's never gonna understand." "Well, I suppose S has a point... Even if he did hear you, he might not have noticed the double entendre." "Ugh, I'd say I was as direct as him driving a car into the side of a building." "He's going to try to justify it like you're justifying it now. Doesn't he spend all his inactive time at Q Branch?" "He hangs out around my Branch to get at the better weapons, obviously." "Or to get at the Quartermaster. We're trying to save you some time here. Turn the slip of the tongue into a slip into bed." "S, honestly, as bad as the agents..."

#15

Title: Not A Contract Author: Shush_MummyWriting Warnings: None Summary: Department heads are always swamped with paperwork.

“Eve, what is this?” “My darling Q, that is an EMP172 form – Official Notification of Intimate Relationship between Staff Members.” “But why is it on top of my Executive Signature pack? Am I supposed to give it to someone – it’s not Robert and that girl from Accounting is it? I’m the Department Head, I shouldn’t have to deal with personal things like this. That's for HR.” “Sweetheart – it’s for you. I even thought I would save you some time, see on page two - I have already filled out James’ details.” “I beg your pardon?” “You and one ruggedly handsome James Bond of course. That fish mouthed look is very unbecoming Q dear.” “But……” “But nothing. It’s just a slip of paper, not a contract. I am quite frankly tired of watching the two of you dancing around each other. It is time you both did something about it. And if you boys ever decide to make it completely official, I expect some credit during the Wedding speeches.” “Check the back page.” “DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT!” “You’ve already signed it.” “Of course.” “Eve, please shut the door on your way out.” “I’m not going to sign this, until you have taken me out on a proper date.” “I have a booking for us, for tonight, at the Ritz. I’ll pick you up at your place at seven.” “How do you know where – no, never mind. Seven it is.” “And Q, that grey suit you wore to the Ministerial meeting last week, wear that – please.” “Alright. Now get out of my office. See you at seven, 007.” "If we are going to do this, I think you should start calling me James." "James. But call me Q - don't want you slipping up on mission."

Thank you to our amazing drabble writers for their contributions this week!

And thank you to you for reading and voting. You can see the results here.

#LDWS #james bond fanfiction #drabbles #signal boost #writing competition

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moonstruckbucky · 5 years ago

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HAPPY SPOOKY SEASON!

I know I’ve promised a challenge to you guys a couple times but I’m finally in the right mindset to host one, so here it is! Happy Spoopy season, bitches!

Rules:

— You do not have to be following me - but it’d be nice, you know? Then you get more challenges!

— No word limit/minimum, although I do ask if it’s over 500 words that you use the Read More feature. We don’t want to be clogging up dashboards now, do we?

— Reader-insert please. This is what I write and it’s what I’m usually into.

— You can write for anyone in the Marvel fandom (since this is what I’m mostly writing for these days).

— Smut is welcome. But no underage ships or incest.

— Include all proper warnings.

— One shots or series are both welcome.

— One prompt per person.

— The creepier the better but I’ll enjoy all of your works!

— Tag @moonstruckbucky and #halloweenhauntsauchallenge so that I can reblog them!

— Deadline is November 1st.

— More prompts may be added as I think of them!

Quote Prompts:

1. "You can’t kill the boogeyman!" (Halloween) 2. “It’s a full moon tonight. That’s when all the weirdos are out.” (Hocus Pocus) @panicfob 3. “When there is no room left in hell, the dead will walk the earth.” (Dawn of the Dead) @trashmenofmarvel 4. “Sometimes dead is better.” (Pet Sematary) @nasarogers 5. “You know that part in scary movies when somebody does something really stupid and everyone hates them for it? This is it.” (Jeepers Creepers) @marquis1305 6. “Be afraid... Be very afraid.” (The Fly) 7. “Well, it says to form a circle a salt to protect from zombies, witches, and old boyfriends.” (Hocus Pocus) 8. “I’m a ghost with the most, babe.” (Beetlejuice) @actual-bucky-barnes-trash 9. “Isn’t the view beautiful? It takes my breath away. Well, it would if I had any.” (Corpse Bride) 10. “Magic is really very simple, all you've got to do is want something and then let yourself have it.” (Halloweentown) @the-omni-princess 11. “Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead.” (The Others) @heli0s-writes 12. “I see dead people.” (The Sixth Sense)

Places

1. Orchard @whothehellispeter 2. Pumpkin patch @moonbeambucky 3. Cabin in the woods @starspangledmuse 4. Haunted house 5. Costume party @lailannajacobs 6. Cemetery @bucknasty-barnes

Activities

1. Trick or treating @tropicalcap 2. Carving pumpkins @buckyofthemyscira 3. Corn maze @breakmebucky 4. Haunted hayride @danversbde 5. Watching scary movies @averyrogers83

AUs

1. Serial Killer AU @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan 2. Werewolf AU @buckthegrump 3. Vampire AU xbuchananbarnes 4. Witch/Warlock AU @sugarfreecapsicle 5. Picture of Dorian Grey AU 6. Demon/Devil AU 7. Ghost AU

Tagging some mutuals who might be interested/will signal boost: @sugarfreecapsicle @sunmoonandbucky @sunflowers-and-bucky @moonbeambucky @justreadingfics @interestedbystanderwrites @holy-captain @sovietghoststories @buckyofthemyscira @shreddedparchment

If I forgot anyone, I’M SORRY!

#halloween writing challenge #writing challenge #moonstruckbucky #happy halloween #marvel fanfiction #marvel writing challenge #halloweenhauntsauchallenge

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wordssometimesfail · 5 years ago

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Leave me alone I really am going to bed but give me prime numbers to wake up to

*muah* Sleep well and enjoy

2. Your most rewatched movie. I have no way of verifying this, but proooobably The Fellowship of the Ring.

3. A movie you quote on a daily basis. I’m sitting here, wracking my brains, trying to think of a single movie that I quote on even a semi-regular basis, and literally the only thing I can think of is The Office, which is not a movie. But it’s the truth, unfortunately, because I am a basic bitch.

5. Top 5 films of your favorite actor and actress. I GENUINELY don’t have a favourite actor or actress, I have a harem, and when asked to name all the members I will forget like six. I have been advised one of my favourite actors is Will Ferrell, in which case my top 5 Will Ferrell movies are (in no order): Megamind, Stranger Than Fiction, Step Brothers, The Other Guys, and Zoolander.

7. A movie storyline you wish you had actually lived. EASY - the plot of Labyrinth. I desperately want to be drawn into a nonsensical quest in a magical world of my own design, befriend some monsters, and have them party in my room.

11. Favorite quote(s).

The “It’s like in the great stories” monologue from The Two Towers The entire iocane scene from The Princess Bride “Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen, for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great... You have no power over me.”

13. Top 5 favorite male performances. Anthony Perkins in Psycho, Jim Carrey in The Truman Show, Richard Gere in Chicago, Bernard Hill in The Two Towers and Return of the King, Leonardo di Caprio in Shutter Island. These are literally the first 5 things to pop fully formed in my mind that actually fit the criteria, so I’m missing a thousand things.

17. List all you’ve seen from [insert actor/actress/director]. HA, you didn’t specify one, so I don’t have to answer this question :P

19. An underrated actress. Does Amy Adams count? She’s an A-lister, but I really love her performances and I feel like people don’t talk about her enough.

23. An overrated director. Wes Anderson - I’ve never really been a fan of his style, honestly. Also Jon Favreau because he has no vision, or if he does, it’s buried under ten feet of overproduced Disney notes.

29. Your first favorite actor. Probably Leonardo di Caprio? I’ve honestly never had all-time favourite actors/actresses (more like... a stable of myriad faves), but when I was a teenager I decided I needed a Favourite and I picked di Caprio because I had just seen What’s Eating Gilbert Grape for the first time and was obsessed with his performance.

31. Favorite animated film. Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Catch me trying to sing the Latin chorus bits in “The Bells of Notre Dame” and FAILING. HORRIBLY.

37. Share an unpopular film opinion you have. The Shining is a lifeless, cold piece of shit that saps the humanity from its characters to the point where Jack Nicholson is absolutely wasted on a shallow, albeit terrifying, version of his book counterpart. Also, I didn’t like No Country for Old Men, it was boring, and I don’t care how technically excellent it was.

41. How many movies have you seen (rough estimation)? I... have no idea how to answer this question because numbers have no meaning, but... okay, so when I was a kid I once made my mom count all the VHS tapes we had, and there were well over 100, and that was when I was very young, so. Hundreds by this point. No clue how many.

43. A film that scarred you. The Black Cauldron. 4 year olds... shouldn’t watch that movie.

47. Movies that you think everyone should watch (not necessarily your favorites). The Princess Bride, so you can get all those references people keep making to The Princess Bride.

53. Favorite silent film. Uh... I have seen like. 1 silent film, so Nosferatu :P

59. Least favorite genres. Substanceless action (no likeable characters, no heart, no point).

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jonryatrash · 6 years ago

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ADWD + Jon’s Heart

What do you know of my heart, priestess? What do you know of my sister?

I know among Jonrya shippers that this line from Jon VI in ADWD is iconic and further evidence that the good ship Jonrya is sailing strong in ASOIAF (as GRRM originally intended). I also know that there’s been some, err, tumblr discourse about the use of this line for other ships, and this is not a response to that in anyway; I’ve honestly missed 95% of that particular skirmish.

As I was working on another meta tonight, I ran across a very curious line much later in ADWD that parallels Jon VI beautifully, so I thought I would put these two scenes together and discuss how they build upon one another.

Jon VI is the chapter in which Jon finds out about Ramsay’s marriage to fArya, and it marks an important turning point for Jon for the remainder of the book (and arguably the series itself). The quote that follows occurs after Jon reads Ramsay’s letter and has presumably been reflecting on it all day. We find him talking to Mormont’s raven and listening to Melisandre’s worship from inside his chambers.

Jon felt as stiff as a man of sixty years. Dark dreams, he thought, and guilt. His thoughts kept returning to Arya. There is no way I can help her. I put all kin aside when I said my words. If one of my men told me his sister was in peril, I would tell him that was no concern of his. Once a man had said the words his blood was black. Black as a bastard’s heart. -Jon VI, ADWD

This particular line feels important since it’s the first time that Jon thinks about his heart in the chapter. Earlier, his heart stops for a moment when he discovers that Ramsay is to wed fArya, but that’s not quite the same thing as I’m trying to get at here. This line shows that Jon is a sworn brother of the NW--his blood has turned black and black is the color of the NW. However, his heart has remained uncolored by his oath to the NW’s. His heart remains black because it’s always been marked dark/bad/base due to his bastardy. I think the blood vs. heart here is worthwhile of our attention because we know that Jon ultimately decides effectively to betray the NW for the sake of his sister; his bastard’s heart proves too much for him to overcome. We’ll also see the phrase “bastard’s heart” appear later on, so keep that in mind.

Just after this mini-scene in his chambers, Jon leaves and eventually runs into Melisandre. At first he mistakes her for Ygritte (and idk what to make of that) and then notices that her hands are uncovered. Jon tells her that her fingers will freeze off, and this iconic exchange follows:

“If that is the will of R’hllor. Night’s powers cannot touch one whose heart is bathed in god’s holy fire.” “You heart does not concern me. Just your hands.” “The heart is all that matters. Do not despair, Lord Snow. Despair is a weapon of the enemy, whose name may not be spoken. Your sister is not lost to you.” “I have no sister.” The words were knives. What do you know of my heart, priestess? What do you know of my sister? Melisandre seemed amused. “What is her name, this little sister that you do not have?” “Arya.” His voice was hoarse. “My half-sister, truly …” “… for you are bastard born. I had not forgotten. I have seen your sister in my fires, fleeing from this marriage they have made for her. Coming here, to you. A girl in grey on a dying horse, I have seen it plain as day. It has not happened yet, but it will.” -Jon VI, ADWD

First, I appreciate how Melisandre can see right through Jon’s pitiful attempt at pretending he doesn’t care and doesn’t have a sister. He tries to distance himself from Arya, yet it’s a struggle to even say her name with his voice “hoarse” and his thoughts totally occupied with her all day.

Second, I’d like to linger on the parallel structure of the “what do you know” lines. As someone who has taught her fair share of composition and public speaking classes, I can assure you that parallel structure plays an important function in writing/speaking. The purpose of parallel structure is to elevate ideas to a higher level of importance and to demonstrate equal importance between the two parallel statements. It also functions to make statements clearer and easier to remember. Long story short, Martin is waving a giant red flag to tell the reader that these two things (Jon’s heart and his sister Arya) are incredibly important. Also, because the sentences are worded exactly the same in terms of subject and verb, “heart” and “sister” are interchangeable; you can switch their locations and the meaning of the sentences stay exactly the same. I offer this up as evidence of the claim that Arya is without a doubt Jon’s heart.

Having explained that, the line that comes before it--“The heart is all that matters”--takes on another meaning. Arya is all that matters to Jon, particularly because Arya is the only one who could ever love this bastard brother. Arya knew that being a bastard was not a good thing to be (hence the mention of Arya fearing she was a bastard because she looked just like Jon), but she still loved Jon despite him being insert the long list of beliefs about bastards here. And it’s ultimately his heart makes Jon break from the NW in his final ADWD chapter, both his bastard heart’s traitorous ways (according to Westerosi society, that is) and his incredibly strong love for Arya, who is also his heart.

Jon XIII is Jon’s final chapter in ADWD, and I was surprised when I reread it just how much content is packed into this chapter. There’s also many thematic parallels to Jon VI, which against serves to mark those themes as important in a variety of ways.

In Jon VI, we first hear about the letter from Ramsay. In Jon XIII, we finally get to read the whole thing. A lot of Jonrya fans rightly comment on the importance of “I want my bride back” from the letter and how Jon echoes it in his own quest to get Arya back. When he echoes Ramsay’s sentiments (hello, parallels!), it becomes I (Jon) want my bride (Arya) back (from you, Ramsay), and offers a strong explanation for why Jon throws everything away to save Arya. Well, that coupled with GRRM’s Waterstones Letter, at least.

At the end of the letter, Ramsay writes:

I want my bride back. I want the false king’s queen. I want his daughter and his red witch. I want his wildling princess.

I want his little prince, the wildling babe. And I want my Reek. Send them to me, bastard, and I will not trouble you or your black crows. Keep them from me, and I will cut out your bastard’s heart and eat it. - Jon XIII, ADWD

In these lines, we once again see black + bastard + heart appear together. GRRM emphasizes again that Jon’s allegiance is to the NW, but also that he has a bastard’s heart that marks him as deceitful/traitorous/lustful/etc. I think all of this is to prime the readers for what comes at the end of this chapter.

(Also, as a side note, I’m inclined to read the consuming of Jon’s heart aka Arya very sexually, which makes sense with the whole echoing of I want my bride back. Coincidentally, that echo occurs with a page of his quote).

In the next scene (again, paralleling the shift from the letter right to Melisandre and the heart quote), Jon enters the Shieldhall and announces that he’s going to make plans to save Hardhome. These plans happen to not involve him. When he’s called out, Jon explains:

“No. I ride south.” Then Jon read them the letter Ramsay Snow had written. The Shieldhall went mad. Every man began to shout at once. They leapt to their feet, shaking fists. So much for the calming power of comfortable benches. Swords were brandished, axes smashed against shields. Jon Snow looked to Tormund. The Giantsbane sounded his horn once more, twice as long and twice as loud as the first time. “The Night’s Watch takes no part in the wars of the Seven Kingdoms,” Jon reminded them when some semblance of quiet had returned. “It is not for us to oppose the Bastard of Bolton, to avenge Stannis Baratheon, to defend his widow and his daughter. This creature who makes cloaks from the skins of women has sworn to cut my heart out, and I mean to make him answer for those words … but I will not ask my brothers to forswear their vows. “The Night’s Watch will make for Hardhome. I ride to Winterfell alone, unless …” Jon paused. “… is there any man here who will come stand with me?” -Jon XIII, ADWD

Again, the letter is read. Then Jon explicitly states that what’s about to happen is not about Stannis and the politics of Westeros. This is a really weak out for Jon, but a nice work around based in a technicality. But, Jon explicitly says what it is about: Ramsay swore to cut out his heart. And we know from Jon VI that GRRM invites us to understand Jon’s heart to be the same thing as Arya. Therefore, Jon is riding to Winterfell because Ramsay swore he would keep Arya away from him forever--forcibly and gruesomely removing her from his life--and Jon isn’t having any of that.

I don’t think that it’s a radical claim that Jon went to war for Arya. Even non-shippers can see that much, I’d say. But Jon isn’t just riding to save his sister, he’s riding to save a vital, life-giving part of him, Arya. He has never spoken about any of his family in such a way, except for Arya. I’d argue that based on his commitment to throw it all away (the past several years of his life and his honor) for a girl who is his heart (again, a strange comparison for siblings who aren’t Jaime and Cersei), GRRM is still planning on moving forward with his original plan for Jon and Arya. I also think Jon 2.0 is going to make Ramsay pay to a degree we haven’t yet seen.

#jonrya #suppleassin #asoiaf meta #arya stark #jon snow #my asoiaf meta #meta worth reading

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gleepotluckbigbang · 5 years ago

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Coffee Shop Writing Prompts by @veronicabunchwrites

To start you guys off, a prompt list by @veronicabunchwrites. Veronica is no longer on Tumblr, only on Pillowfort, so I can’t reblog, only repost, sorry about that. The original post can be found here.

100 coffee shop au writing prompts!

there’s something about people meeting and falling in love over hot drinks that presents such a cozy atmosphere. it’s no wonder that it’s a favourite. some of these prompts are classic because who can resist the tried and true?

01. clearly you’re going through a bad breakup because this playlist is the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard and I’m begging you please change it 02. you’re my favourite employee because you always have my order ready on the days I’m running late to the office 03. I order the same thing as my boss in case something happens to their coffee and one day, you write your number on the cup I give to my boss 04. my friend swears that you can pick the perfect drink for anyone but I’m skeptical because there’s no way you can look at someone and just know their order - and of course, you nail my drink 05. I run the shop beside your bookstore and I’m trying to convince you that it could be beneficial to knock down the wall between our shops and you’re being a big pain in the ass about it 06. I hired you to make drinks not flirt with every customer that walks in and how dare you accuse me of jealousy, get back to work 07. you were a dick to my coworker so I’ve been writing insults on your cups and why the hell do you keep coming back here anyway?

08. I know you’re about to close and I swear I’ll give you a $20 tip, can you please just take my order? I’ve had the worst day possible 09. a $20 tip isn’t worth me staying open late, but then you burst into tears and I end up asking you if you want to hang around to talk 10. you’re the night manager who runs open mic nights and I’m the baker who starts at 3am so sometimes our paths cross and I like talking to you 11. you never order the same thing more than once and just as you’re about to get to the end of the menu, I start adding new things because I’m afraid you’ll stop coming in 12. I’ve been writing lame jokes on your cups because you’re the grumpiest person ever and you finally crack a smile 13. you always get my order wrong and I’m pretty sure you’re doing it on purpose just so you get a free drink out of it because employees have a crap discount 14. I’ve been working on this essay/project/article/etc. for the last ten hours and I’ve barely moved so you come over to give me something to eat and ask if I’m okay 15. I’m dragged to open mic night by my best friend, and while I’m ordering my drink, your voice fills the room and I’m mesmerized 16. there’s a poetry slam and while I’ve never gone on stage, I’m obsessed with your stuff 17. you were rude so I insult you and you just left a $50 tip??? who the fuck do you think you are? 18. I decided to use my personal (and massive) mug collection when I opened my shop and you start hanging around just to see which mug you’ll get 19. I open a cat cafe with a separate room for the cats that are all available to adopt, and you keep coming in to sit with them even though you’re allergic 20. I haven’t seen you in years but you just walked into my coffee shop and by your snooty attitude, you don’t seem to know that I own the place 21. I really don’t care that you’re a famous celebrity, you will stand in line just like everyone else and that’s that 22. this shop is really busy but I need their wifi, so could we share this table? 23. we’re working on our school project in this cafe and I’m pretty sure my group just figured out that I have a crush on you 24. I have a job interview and you're the clumsy employee who just spilled hot coffee all down my white shirt 25. I’m on the worst blind/Tinder/Grindr date and you ‘accidentally’ dump a drink on my date to save me 26. you’re a big city person visiting my tiny coffee shop in a small town and you’re so rude when you ask if we have cappuccinos that I lie and say no 27. I just bumped into my ex so I slip my arm in yours to pretend you’re my current partner even though you were just standing in line behind me 28. my umbrella broke and I just stepped into your shop soaking wet and you run upstairs to get me some towels from your apartment and I’m sorry I’m crying but this is the nicest thing that’s happened to me all week 29. my AC isn’t working at my apartment so I’ve been spending most of my spare time here and using your wifi and I think you’re flirting with me 30. I’ve been hanging out more because I sit at the counter to watch two baristas flirt (OT3 bonus!) / and you join me so we make a bet on when they’ll get together 31. I named my coffee shop Coffee Shop and you’re the customer who loudly talks about how stupid the name is 32. I’ve been sitting in the break room wondering how to ask you out on a date when you come in and announce you were just asked out by a customer (bonus if OT3!) 33. you’re a famous celebrity who ducks in to my quiet shop and asks if you can hide, and I mean, sure, but are you going to order something? I have to make a living here, dude 34. I know you own this place but dude, this song has been on repeat for the last hour and I will pay you to change it 35. I’m really nervous as I’m meeting a family member for the very first time and you’re the kind employee who sits with me to help calm my nerves 36. you’re staring at me and I don’t know why until you tell me I’ve been singing along to my music and I’m mortified because I didn’t realize 37. I saw your Help Needed sign in the window and you look busy so where are the aprons and how can I help? 38. every day I write a quote on a chalkboard on the wall and apparently you’re the author I just quoted but you’ve never shown your face in public before so why are you telling me? 39. someone left a note in the suggestions box that the barista is the cutest person they’ve seen and I’m laughing as my coworkers discuss who it could be when you quietly admit it’s about me 40. you just cut in front of me in line and I’m not in the mood to let it slide 41. I noticed you were on ao3 reading smut and when you go up to get something else to drink from the counter, I realize you’re reading the fic I posted twenty minutes ago 42. your dog and my dog just tangled their leashes outside the coffee shop and now they won’t leave each other’s sides, so do you want to join me at this table? 43. I know it’s not my place but your teenager seems to be mixed up in a bad crowd and I thought you should know they’re hiding in the bathroom crying right now 44. your father comes in weekly at the exact same time and orders the exact same two drinks because that’s what he used to do with your mother and you come looking for him 45. I really need you to put up this flyer on the community board but you’re sort of being a prick about it 46. you hire my band to come place on a weekly basis but the more time I spend with you the more time I want to kiss you 47. you’re my ex who I’ve never really gotten over and you just surprised me by paying for my coffee and I’m not prepared to see you 48. my coworker wrote my cell phone number on your cup when I wasn’t paying attention and now you’re texting me 49. after overhearing you order the eccentric coffee shop owner’s drink of the week, I warn you that it never tastes good (bonus if you convince me it’s great this week so I sip and suffer with you) 50. the last clue to my partner’s scavenger hunt is supposed to be here, and while I’m looking for it, I discover that you’re my partner’s friend who set the whole thing up (bonus: ot3) 51. I sold my business for millions when I was in high school and tried to disappear from the spotlight but I’ve just been spotted drinking your coffee and feel bad since you’re overwhelmed with the sudden influx of new customers 52. I overhear you talking to your friend about how you’re planning on meeting up with your ex and I can’t stop myself from butting in because that’s a bad mistake 53. I’m hosting a food-eating contest to raise money for charity at my shop and you seem to have an endless stomach that makes me a little concerned 54. I catch you in the act of placing your newspaper over a customer’s cell phone/wallet/etc. and then stealing it when they deny you money 55. you walk into my coffee just before close looking like a runaway bride/groom/princess/prince/royalty so I stick around to keep you company 56. meeting at the coffee shop feels like fate, but now we’re sitting here because I’m terrified to tell you my big secret 57. you’re a grumpy customer who doesn’t talk but you always have the most fun tie/socks/dresses/sweaters/etc. and I look forward to see what you wear next 58. I’ve been obsessed with your homemade soups and I always rave about them to the cashier but I didn’t realize you also make them until you surprise me with a new recipe 59. I rent out your shop for the evening to propose to my significant other and they dump me on the spot 60. I run a baking class one night a week after hours at my shop and you keep coming back despite being the worst baker ever 61. you left me a bad review so I’m tracking you down to yell at you and demand a retraction 62. you’re the contractor I’ve hired to build individual bathrooms so I can offer genderless options for people (bonus if contractor is trans/nb/gender queer) 63. I host a board game night every Friday and you always come in with your best friend and ask me to teach you a new game and I cannot believe you’ve never played Life before (or: insert own game) 64. I’ve been getting really creative with my foam art and I do some naughty-bits to amuse my coworker on their drink when you mistakenly take it and think I’m hitting on you 65. I’m wiping down a table when I notice that you left a cell phone number on the back of your receipt for your lunch and I ask my coworker if I should text you (bonus if ot3) 66. every time you come into my shop, I swear you have a new sticker on your laptop and I desperately want to ask about this one 67. you come in to steal the shop’s wifi for video calls with your mom/dad/family member and when they see me in the background, they think I’m your new partner 68. I really suck at my job but I desperately need the money and when I get fired for spilling your coffee all over you, you offer me a job because you feel bad 69. we’re coworkers who make out in the supplies closet and get caught by another coworker (bonus if ot3!) 70. someone enters my hot chocolate into a contest for the National Best Hot Chocolate and you’re the hot judge who gets snowed in town for a few days 71. you join me at my table thinking I’m your blind date and you don’t stop talking about how nervous you are for this date so I don’t get a chance to tell you that you have the wrong person when your actual date comes up and thinks you were hitting on me while waiting for them 72. I watch you pull out a flask and add alcohol to your drink and then you wink at me 73. I’m playing a game on my computer but I keep failing at the level so you tap my shoulder and tell me how to beat it (and we spend the rest of the afternoon in the coffee shop bonding) 74. I've been assigned a fluff article about the different types of people who spend their days at coffee shops but I can’t seem to figure out why you’re here (articles: x, x, x) 75. I found you curled up under a blanket asleep at my front door so won’t you come in, I’ll get you some food and give you a job 76. you’re my favourite actor in my favourite TV show but by the sounds of that phone call, you seem to be having a rough day so instead of flailing, I offer you some words of support 77. I don’t know how to spell anyone’s names correctly so I spell them phonetically and you always mumble your name so I just make up something 78. I bump into you and knock your coffee out of your hands and you look like someone just died because you’re having the worst week ever and can I make it up to you? 79. we met online and you suggest this place for our first date and I’m terrified you’ve catfished me or you’re going to stand me up 80. when people hit on me and ask for my number, I usually make up a number to put on their cups, and today I just happened to write your number on your cup so you call me out 81. you’re my significant other’s ex and you’ve invited me to coffee to tell me that I can do better and our connection is immediate 82. I’m in the middle of a rant about this book I’m reading and oh my god you’re the author in line behind me and I’m sorry, not sorry 83. you take a selfie and I photobomb you, but you don’t notice until the entire photo goes viral so we agree to meet back at this coffee shop 84. I’m sorry for laughing at you walking into the glass door/window, please let me help you up 85. I’m a little concerned that you might be too addicted to coffee since you always come down from your office to my little shop to get your fix multiple times a day but my coworkers think you have a crush on me 86. I’m expecting an important phone call but my phone is about to die and please, please let me borrow yours 87. I know your sign says ‘no shirt, no shoes, no service’ but can I please give you a really long explanation as to what has led to me desperately needing coffee without a shirt or shoes 88. I’m a witch barista and I charm your drink so that you have a better day 89. I’ve been trying to borrow this particular book that the local/college library only has one copy of and I just realized you’re reading it at this coffee shop and goddammit, why haven’t you finished with it yet? 90. some asshole just stole your purse/backpack without you noticing so I instinctively jump into action and chase him down the street to get it back for you 91. you’ve cut in front of me in line for the last three days by shooting me a charming smile and leaving me a little dumbfounded but today, that will not fly 92. I keep making work-related puns and you’re the grumpy coworker who refuses to find me charming 93. you sit down at my table and quietly tell me to pretend we’re talking because you’re trying not to be seen by someone and I’m so confused as to what is going on but you’re cute so I’ll roll with it 94. you order the same obscure drink from the app but I always miss you picking up your drink from the counter and today, I’m going to finally watch to see who you are 95. I don’t know who you think you are, but you really can’t make this shop your office unless you’re going to order more than one tea for the eight hours you stay here 96. you read tea leaves as a hobby so I always bring my cups to you when I’m finished 97. you look like you’re having a bad day so I get some icing and draw a smiley face on your cookie 98. I overheard you talking about how you wish my shop had board games so the next time you come in, I watch your reaction to my new shelf of board games 99. you’re the very kind employee who brings me my favourite tea when you witness my public (and loud) breakup 100. this coffee shop is owned and run by queer people and is so very gay with our decor and the names of our menu items, and I’m pretty sure you’re not as straight you think you are because you keep coming in and asking a thousand questions 101. you dropped to your knee to tie your shoe but suddenly, people are congratulating us on getting engaged and we just scored free coffee so we roll with it 102. I’m wistfully watching a couple when you come up to the counter to order something and get frustrated with my daydreaming

#gpbb #gpbb prompt #coffee shop au #gpbb prompt: coffee shop au #trope of the day

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