#insecure but still want attention
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tacagen · 4 months ago
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one of the things that fascinate me about thawne: yes, he CAN be normal with kids! surprisingly normal!
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((not at all times, though. his mental illness still spills through and as usual he, in trying to manipulate or hurt others, spits out at them the exact stuff that would hurt him (or have in his childhood/barry's rejection interpretation) the most in the first place lmao))
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but at the same time. his like second instinct when doing his bullshit is FUCK THEM (as) KIDS
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(and, well. whatever this classifies as)
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#whats wrong with him. seriously. he loves picking fights with literal children So Much#AND NONE OF THEM WITH WALLY ON THE MATTER OF BEING THE BIGGEST FLASH FAN. HOW DID THAT NEVER HAPPEN#about the middle page. honestly i DIDNT remember he is a Jerk in that way too until i checked his interactions with bart for this post#this man officially should not be allowed near children as a mentor.#just straight up drops ALL his insecurities on a poor kid in trying to make him feel ashamed. NO breaking the abuse cycle for this bad boy#the only thing he doesnt say is the direct 'you are a disappointment' altho the message is still the same 💀💀💀💀💀💀#AND I BET HES HELLA PROUD OF THAT. I MEAN CONSIDERING THIS FACT IG HE DOES TRY TO BE BETTER THAN HIS PARENTS. SOMEWHAT.#and omg he formulates his point like in problem based learning (leading the child to making the correct conclusion themselves)#im dying. professor to the fucking core.#and the way he feels the need to bring up flash facts in his appeal?? EO YOURE SO HOPELESS. THIS IS 100% HOW BART SAW HIM THROUGH#and god knows what he told thad promising to get him out of the speed force if he fought barry there and whether he was going to fulfill it#and do you even IMAGINE how FUCKED barry's mental condition would be growing up if thawne fulfilled his button threat#and i really REALLY wonder about the tornado twins and their relationship with 'uncle eobard' but that will be a separate post#he doesnt know any other way tho. and he might be actually mad at bart for not supporting his every action as The Flash#like. he tries to play family but the second they question he just goes WHATEVER. I DONT NEED IT. FLASH OF MY VISION RUNS ALONE#his problem is that he just wants attention. he doesnt see family/heroing for what 'its really about' or downsides that may come with them#everything is so idealized in his head. and the moment he faces reality with its complications the concept immediately gets antagonized.#and then he reconsiders and changes the conditions but fails each time never realizing the problem is his mindset and not everything else#black white at its finest yall#and man. RELATABLE.#also WHY is he standing LIKE A STATUE when appearing in front of bart????😭😭😭😭#poor museum rat has no idea what heroes in real life stand like#eobard thawne#professor zoom#reverse flash#the reverse flash#bart allen#the flash#dc
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jetsimpersonator · 10 months ago
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IT TOOK ME. SO. SO LONG. AND I AM SO SO SORRY . BUT I DID IT!
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RIVULET INVASION !!!
(For context, I asked for peoples rivulet designs like a month ago and I got a few)
This was seriously a challenge for me but I'm so happy I managed to pull it off. There's like.. 14 scugs in there. I would've added my own but I really did not want to take more time on this oughhhhh
Designs featured, left to right, sorted by plushie or not plushie:
Left of Pebbles, non-plushie: @cheddar-inq, (Cheddar I noticed that you changed your Riv design but by the time I saw it I had already finished your Riv I am so sorry) @sparkdoesart, @neattnat
Left of Pebbles, plushie: @eggobuggo, @sp1resong, @soaricarus
Front of Pebbles, plushie: @subwaybug, @cordycepsbian
Right of Pebbles, non-plushie: @notchaoticferal, @dusty21134, @cookieeevee
Right of Pebbles, plushie: @sugarr-moon, @stratusstormcloud, @fishsfailureson
I'm. Really sorry if I messed up on anyones designs and I am sorry again for taking so long. I feel very free now though so that's awesome
Drawing took 8 hrs btw . That's longer than how long some of you SLEEP you nerds go to bed. Right now
Oh and in case it wasn't obv, the Pebbles design is mine, kind of
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silusvesuius · 4 months ago
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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katyspersonal · 12 days ago
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Thinking about that time when a popular artist was a prick to me personally (claimed that I "baited" them for a conflict when all I did was pointing out something in lore contradicting their claim, without any rudeness or condescension, and basically told me to go hang out with other autists instead of bothering them) but the reason I blocked them was not that, it was the fact that they've admitted on not even caring about the source material and just using scraps from it to do their own thing. Priorities hfngkfngj
#fandomry rambles#I can excuse asserting ego at my expense and acting as though my knowledge of lore is an offence but-#-I draw the line at taking advantage of an IP to get attention easier instead of 'just making an OC'#there is a line between creative liberties and not caring about source material!!! they are not the same thing!#and FANdoms are places for FANs of something! not for some pricks to advertise themselves!#again I just pointed out something that seemed like honestly forgetting or not knowing#and I instantly commented on how alternative they suggested wasn't bad and how it could still work!#but because they have super frail ego they perceived it as a personal attack apparently#and since Anna unblocked me right after to stalk me it just feels like they mocked me within their group later#again I wonder why popular artists with high skill but very little care for canon are SO insecure?#everyone admires them everyone wants to be their friend everyone draws fanart of their designs and ships#and yet slight event out of the line makes them turn into that one Wojack with a crying face behind smug mask#like how do you shovel notes and have more attention than what you can give back and STILL are this-#-insecure? really popularity can't heal you#if you fellow nobody artists feel as though your art being noticed would heal you: no it would not#honestly as for care for canon they already gave signal by boasting about prettyfying micolash because-#-they preferred 'aesthetic'#it is just something I've neglected because I was looking at redesigning characters differently#but seeing awful bimbo marikas for two years taught me better ngl#really I am dying to see them try to pull this one out with a female character#no really. try to pull the 'she looks ugly but I want me aesthetic so I polished her'.#hate double standards regarding drawing the character depending on their gender#but yeah in case you could not tell touching Bloodborne with ten yards stick just triggered a bad memory#I just.... I still love that game story and characters. I can feel it looking at these posts.#I really am the 'just make an OC' person#they should become friends with Eugene (champion of not caring for the source material) if not already
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fisheito · 4 months ago
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If you ever feel insecure about your yapping just know that I binged your entire account for the past few hours and I was hooked. Like your account to me is what cocomelon is to toddlers you have no idea how happy you make my overly stressed student heart 😔❤ (Anon because I have anxiety (for now))
??!?!? i have enough stuff on here to entertain you for HOURS??
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....huh. guess i've amassed quite a hoard. porntime surely does fly....swim.move fast
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whoblewboobear · 4 months ago
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Staring down that weird feeling of feeling like too much or out of place or annoying if I say too much or say things too loud or too off-putting to be like- WANTED in any given social situation. To try so hard to socialize just to- idk. I’d very much like to stop defaulting to that scared kid that was pushed away or talked over until I got old enough and desperate enough to say any and every rapid fire thought that comes to mind. Like filling space when there’s dead air then wondering if maybe I did the Too Much™️ thing again and A. Scared everyone away or B. Pushed everyone away so it would hurt less when they leave BC of A.
Of feeling like I need to be useful or smart or talented or pretty or SOMETHING worthwhile so people want me around. I can just be but then it’s like just being has never been enough for anyone to like- stay. Or care. Running is always a mistake bc it’s like riiiight.. no one noticed you ran, babe. You’re not even at the top of their list people to want around. And just feel so low about it that I talk myself into feeling miserable again.
I’m happy, ive been so much happier lately and i dont take it for granted bc it’s so rare that things go okay or that there’s a sense of peace for a moment. I’m creating again and im less hard on myself about it. I have hobbies again, I’m making friends. And still I’m like seeing the other foot start to drop in real time bc it’s like. You’re in, but are you? That constant nagging voice that sounds so much like my own going “lonely again? Good you deserve it”
#me: there’s time..#also me: THERES NO TIME#now see the thing they don’t tell you about taking lexapro is that you’ll have the motivation and energy to reinvest in hobbies when you’ve#been in depression hell for so long#also thank god it makes the excessive worry thoughts thiiiiiis loud 👌#like nooo babe there’s time#there’s always time if I’m okay with the crushing feeling of splitting my attention TOO much that I don’t connect with either fandom#that’s spooky#shaking and screaming like ‘don’t look at the notes it doesn’t matter’#and it truly doesn’t#sigh#I just keep coming back to that Brennan/hank green clip#where Brennan is talking about feeling like you just /dont/ belong even tho u did commit to trying you’ll always have that scared little#kid at the back of your mind with no friends reconfirming that no one likes you#I don’t know..#in theory people like me#but /i/ can never be normal about it#and I keep like.. I dunno#it’s tough spending your whole life never being the one people seek out#never the one that people WANT to hear talk#constantly feeling like too much and wondering if I should pull back#for people to get weirded out when I pull back#it’s exhausting#and it’s lonely#and even after 24 years I’m still the same insecure kid talking in the group chat while everyone else is silent#like am I too much am I too desperate#even like talking to my mom- who’s opinion of me truly doesn’t matter anymore just constantly interrupt me or talk over me#or ignore me so I’m repeating myself over and over just to give up#personal#fuck
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ed3mm · 4 months ago
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Y'all ever read a fic where it's hurt/comfort and the author is really good at writing angst, but not comfort, because this just happened to me. Pretty sure the last few chapters were supposed to be the comfort but it just made me more upset
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babacontainsmultitudes · 11 months ago
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Not much has been shared yet for the Nicky day of the week which has me thinking that *I* wanna draw a Nicky to share but... That would require... Drawing and... Liking what I draw...
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vaugarde · 1 year ago
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i get the frustration with so many villains now getting treatment like “oh they had a sucky childhood so actually you need to feel bad for them and not hold them accountable for their actions” but the counter of “this person was born evil and cant ever grow and its pathetic to assume that they can, also people cant be redeemed no matter what and this is fantastic writing actually” is so exhausting. 
#like... no one is born grinning maliciously with a knife out the womb. no one starts out that way#and anything thats ever tried to portray a character that way at birth has only ever been ironically funny#idk its annoying when people are like ''actually its more interesting that the character doesnt have a motive for killing people''#like. coming off of bullet train rn but even ''this character otherwise has a perfect life but they accidentally killed and now theyre#fascinated with all the ways people can die'' is more interesting than ''idk thats just how they are *shrugs*''#like yes someone can have the perfect upbringing and social life and still turn out to be sadistic but you can still work with that#as opposed to ''they were born evil thats just how they were always gonna be SORRY''#like. idk go into that ''perfect social life and family''. what did that family value? what were the friends like?#what did that person experience outside of those things? what did they consume?#did their social standing actually breed some sort of entitlement to them? do they perhaps freak out if something doesnt go their way?#are they insecure deep down? does that drive them to it? are they a perfectionist? do they assume peoples feelings?#i remember reading this wc fancomic that explained why a character was evil and like her mom died#and the attention from her mothers death made her obsessed with being fawned over so she started medical abuse#and letting her patients die so that people would fawn over her the same way every time#and the op was like ''HEY before you yell at me shes NOT evil bc her mom died ok she was gonna turn out evil no matter what''#like... no no go into the emotional vulnerability implied there. go into the morbid introduction to slow death at a young age#go into the potential desensitization go into that. youre already willing to make her multifauceted and with positive traits#why are you afraid of implying shes even SOMEWHAT sympathetic and just want to say she was gonna do that regardless#and i fault the atmosphere around this stuff most of all like we should never have implied that giving a villain a reason to be evil#was stupid woobifying bullshit that was out of touch with reality#echoed voice
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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skitskatdacat63 · 7 months ago
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you don’t have to post this but i just want you to know i totally relate i rbed an ask game post today and got no asks :/ it sucks even if it’s just a silly little tumblr game
Yeahhhhh :(( I'm glad I'm not alone, anon. This made me feel a bit better, so thank you <3
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ardentpoop · 7 months ago
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peace and blessings to the majority who headcanon girl sam as femme in their femchesters AUs but mine has always been butch
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freebooter4ever · 11 months ago
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Nick: never takes photos of himself, refuses to let anyone else take photos of him even personal unshared snapshots
also nick: posts seven photos and a slow motion pan of the latest wooden boat he's building 🤣
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ribbonzregretz · 2 years ago
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my life is a poorly written and completely self indulgent hurt/comfort found family fic written by a young and unaware plural author
#i am having a difficult time accepting people care about and love me in a non-romantic way#how do i let people love me without completely ruining everything????#like seriously i have never felt this kind of attentive familial love before#google how do i accept platonic love without fucking hating myself and getting caught in my own thoughts#its even worse because im plural and when im in front my thoughts and speaking in my head are indescernable#so they can hear every single self hating thought and insecurity#and instead of hating me for still feeling sad they try to make me feel better?????#like arent you supposed to hate me because im still sad even though ur putting all this effort into me??#maybe im just difficult to love but they like the challenge???#seriously what the fuck how the fuck do i process taht people actually wanna be my family by choice???#and platonically too???#like are they aware that all tehyll get out of this relationship is my attention + affection back#with romantic relationships i understand because my love language is gift giving + quality time#so you get something out of me whilst ur involved romantically with me#obvi zim is diffrent than just wanting gifts from me because i love it#but it made our relationship a little easier to comprehend and process because i could understand why zim would love me#but i havent done anything for these guys other than talk to them and sometimes drawing me spending time with them#or drawing them if they want it#AND THEY STILL LOVE ME???#i give zim a shitton of words of affirmation and play games with him and give him gifts#so like i can process our relationship better#because i give him things so i understand why he loves me#obvi i know thats not why he loves me but it makes it easier on bad days#but my headmates just love me unconditionally??? for no reason other than i exist???#not all of them but a decent portion of them have adopted me#am i charming?? manipulative??? why why why do they like me???? im so confused
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whereistheonepiece · 2 years ago
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Shakes brain Why are all your new ideas niche?
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crayonverse · 6 months ago
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i need to mkae. m y own gacha react video so i cant stop being so sick and evil abut ein because noone gets him right . ramble in tags ok ay byteee
#like he has the worlds worst inferiority superiority complex a man can have#everyone in his life hates him to the point of death. the only positive connection he ever really had was with michael The Actual Devil#he craves violence and power but hes not strong physically enough to get it naturally#he manipulates his way into every relationship and situation he can. he needs to be the center of attention. he needs to have control#the only person's opinion hes ever valued was michael who gave nothing in return. michael openly told other people ein meant nothing to him#and in s6 he tells ein 2 kill aaron when he needs aaron alive all because he needs aarons wolf form and that ein will fail in killing him#in the s6 trailer michael literally says to eins face “the fact that hes alive is the only reason i havent killed you”#and ein's response?? “I can still be useful” thats his first fucking thought#his father believed him to be a monster because he committed the sin of being a bastard child. zack projected his own insecurities onto ein#- which in turn made those fears come true. it gave michael the perfect opportunity to twist the knife in zacks gut. turn his worst fear -#- into reality.#like even though jessica tried to say that “theres nothing deeper with ein” because she cant conceptualize the horrors she unleashed#she cant deny the dynamic ein and michael had. one of a mentor and student#with the student doing everything he can to get that gold star. the prize he wanted. michael's validation. but michael would never -#- give that up to ein. he would rather ein die than ever praise him. even in death michael only glances towards eins corpse.#he doesnt say a word because why would he? ein was his little solider. an obedient dog who followed his orders.#a son whose only want was his father's attention.#as you can see my autism is strong with ein.
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