#insane to think I am nearly TEN FULL YEARS OLDER THAN HIM but boy do I feel the WEIGHT OF THOSE YEARS ON MY BONES

[sparklyslug]

God grant me the serenity to accept the 23-year-old goofus I work with, the courage to refrain from drop-kicking him into the sun, and the wisdom to keep from rolling my eyes at him too aggressively.

[ticklytums]

It Begins With A Smile

(Luz runs into an unwanted visitor on a potion scavenging attempt, but things take an interesting, childish turn when a weakness is accidentally exposed and Golden Guard learns of a new way to mess with the human.

Warning: Contains fluff and the adorableness of two traumatized children getting to act like children and slowly giggle their way into friendship! Not intended to be GoldenLuz but can be if you want it to be)

“Crammity…”

Sure. It figured. Every time Luz was on her own she seemed to fall into some sort of terrible situation. And this one seemed to include warping mushrooms that she never seemed to be able to grasp before they vanished at her fingertips. Why did all these witch potions include the most unconventional, hard to get ingredients?

“Would you get over here!” Luz hissed as she clawed at one of the flighty mushrooms, before watching the thing vanish and appear once more inches from her. This wasn’t…technically legal, that the young witchling knew. Then again, being under Eda’s mentorship basically screamed ‘I do illegal things all the time!’ Warping mushrooms weren’t meant to be picked until they ripened some more, but…this potion called for ‘young shrooms.’

It’s fine. It could be worse.

“Ah, up to more mischief I see! Who knew a little human could be such trouble…”

And it just got worse.

Luz’s eyes slid shut in absolute dread. She refused to turn her head towards the source of the voice that was just radiating smug teenager energy. Nope, she wasn’t dealing with that jerk’s antics today. Forget the mushrooms. Eda could wait for her ingredients.

Picking up Eda’s staff, the witchling immediately turned around and started her path home—only to yelp as she nearly slammed face first into the Golden Guard.

“It seems you just can’t help being on the wrong end of the law, can you?” the smug prodigy sing-songed. “You know it isn’t legal to pick those mushrooms yet, right?”

“I’m NOT picking them!” Luz growled as she tried to step past the guard. “Now get out of my way.”

The older boy didn’t seem intent to do such, instead merely blocking the girl with his staff as she attempted to advance. He prodded her pointedly with his mechanical staff. “So what are you doing here then?”

As the staff made the blunt and yet gentle connection with her belly, Luz almost felt a squeak slip out. It took a moment to compose herself. “I don’t have to answer you.”

“Yeeees. You. Do!” the guard chirped and he punctuated each word with a light prod against her. Every time he did Luz seemed to suck in her breath and twitch. The prodigy blinked at the response, watching the human as she tensed from the jab of his staff, and looked like she was gritting her teeth quite a bit.

“Oh, what? Am I hurting you?” he scoffed disdainfully at the thought. Humans were pathetic, but Titan, he at least assumed the girl that stood up against Emperor Belos and took a couple good blows from both of them wasn’t so frail. He jabbed her lightly a few more times. “I know your kind is weak, but-“

He was cut off by the small giggling snort that burst from the teen before she could stop it, and she clasped a hand hurriedly over her mouth, before shoving the staff away with her other hand. “Would you knock it off!” Luz snapped, reining in control of her giggles.

The older boy tilted an eyebrow, perplexed. That wasn’t the reaction he expected to provoke… Curious, Golden Guard jabbed at her again, only this time he made the poke deliberately softer, and wiggled the end of the staff a bit. The ticklish jolt made Luz let off a laugh. And he did it again, smirking in delight when she kept trying to get away from it.

Well, that was…an interesting reaction. Living the life he had, Golden Guard hadn’t exactly been granted the luxury to engage in juvenile play, and he had little experience with tickling.

But that was about to change.

“Well, well, well…” the prodigy taunted the other indignant and increasingly nervous teenager. “What an interesting and may I say rather adorable development. You humans are just full of surprises, aren’t you?”

Luz finally snapped to attention and the guard had only a millisecond to react as balls of flames were tossed towards his face, crackling passed him. The boy effortlessly dodged them and his staff deflected a few icicles with a chuckle. His amusement was just fueling Luz’s annoyance.

“Oh now now,” the guard admonished teasingly as he simply avoided her little tantrum by holding her back with his staff. “No need to throw such a fuss, I’m just playing around!”

Luz gave a growl and shot a murderous glare as much as she could to the older kid. “And what after that? Going to cart me off to Emperor Belos, are you?”

“Hmm, well I suppose I should!” the boy said with a sigh as his maroon eyes sparkled mischievously under the golden mask. “But where would the fun be in that already, hm?” After all, he wasn’t done experimenting.

Luz growled and positioned an ice glyph on the ground, stepping upwards so she could launch up into the sky. The prodigy was impressed and barrel rolled out of target range as several fireballs singed the red grass. With a crimson flash he disappeared, and Luz let off a squeal as she felt a poke against her side.

“Would you-!” Furiously, the girl spun around—only to see the flickers of magic disappearing as he vanished again. And the moment she turned, he was back as his fingers ghosted over both sides.

A laugh tumbled out of the teenaged girl as her knees bent slightly in instinct and she furiously took a swipe—only to smack uselessly at empty air. “-fihihight me normally, you-you jerk!”

The Golden Guard appeared back in his original spot and gave an amused laugh. “Oh, I could…but it’s much more fun to mess with ya!” He watched the human sift through her pockets frantically.

“Well I’m not in the mood to be messed with!” the girl snapped. She rose Eda’s staff but before it could connect with the jerk’s head, he disappeared in a flickering streak of red light. “Huh? Wh-ah!” And then reappeared with an arm having hoisted her up off the ground.

“I’ve noticed,” Golden Guard responded smugly. “I suppose I have to enact my duty and punish someone who would dare to harm an official of the royal court.” His smirk grew when he felt the girl tense, before the frantic kicking resumed.

“Let go of me, you creep! I’ll-I’ll burn that ugly Halloween mask off your face!”

“You don’t think I’ve noticed you’ve run out of glyphs?” the older teen responded mischievously, and he laughed as the color drained from her face. “Yeeeah, I don’t think you’ll be doing much, human! Ah, except maybe laughing yourself to insanity.”

Luz’s eyes widened but before she could snap anything back she felt the gentle wiggle of fingers trace along her side. “N-no!” The witchling let off a string of Spanish curses as she struggled not to burst into laughter. That attempt failed when the boy’s fingers switched the target area to her belly and grinned when laughter began to bubble from her.

“Well your kind is just full of sensitivity! And wiggles!” he practically crooned at the poor girl, who at this point was just a laughing ball. He watched in amusement as she attempted to curl her legs up and limit the access to her tummy, but he easily maneuvered back to it.

“S-stohahap!” Luz squealed frantically as she was reduced to embarrassing snorts and hearty peals of laughter as his fingers skittered everywhere. She kicked against the ground and tried to fumble out her threats, but it was useless and tears pricked at her eyes.

This was such an unexpected and entertaining turn of events from the dreary day the guard was expecting, he’d have to thank the human later. Despite her earlier attack on him, the prodigy felt no inclination to harm her. To do so would ruin the fun! And he rather liked this little game, toying with the younger kid as a cat might with a mouse.

“Never really got to experience this growing up. What’s it like, human?”

Luz’s hiccups and wriggles had finally granted her some leeway as she managed to pry an arm free. Fine! So that’s the way he wanted to play? “Well why don’t you see for your-SELF!” And suddenly her spare hand plunged towards the older kid’s ribs.

The effect was absolutely instant.

“Wh-ahahahat!?” The teenager let off a giggling yelp as he stumbled, and it gave Luz the perfect opportunity to twist around and lunge furiously at the boy. She didn’t really think about running at the moment, too intent on delivering back what was just served to her. However, even she didn’t expect the squeaky laughter that burst from the guard as she dug into his ribs.

The older boy’s genuine laugh was so…bubbly and boyish, sounding ten years younger than he was. It was riddled with snorts already and despite herself Luz couldn’t help the way her lips tilted up a bit.

“Wow dude, your laugh is ridiculous. You sound like a pig.”

“I-I do not!” the boy attempted to snap, his laughter reaching a new octave as she drilled into his sides. “I’m totally dignified!” When her hands plunged towards his tummy he squeaked and curled up. This time Luz actually laughed.

“Oh yeah, totally dignified. So, who can’t take it now, bird face?” She switched the scribbles to softly ghosting his sides, and that seemed to drive him even more wild. The poor kid attempted a spell, and Luz watched in great amusement as the magic barely made a spark before he lost his concentration. In his struggles his mask had actually slipped off his face, giving Luz a full view for the first time of this kid.

She knew he was a ‘genius teen prodigy’ but for the first time she actually got to see the kid like her, with his boyish and slightly chubby cheeks and a face of youth just as much as it was one of trauma. Watching his face crinkle up in an almost joyful fashion made Luz nearly forget who it was she was dealing with.

“H-human unhahahand mehehe! I demand you to or you’ll saHAHAFFER THE-!” But he couldn't finish that threat as the laughter cut him off. Luz’s hands were clawing at his stomach and had found a rhythm that was driving him up the wall.

“The great teen prodigy, taken down by a little tickling! From a human!” Luz teased the boy. “Wait until I tell Eda! Oh no, better yet! Wait until I tell Lilith!”

“N-not if I have anything to say a-about it!” Golden Guard growled as he finally managed to reach out and tweak at Luz’s side.

“Ah!” Luz let off a giggling yelp as her body faltered trying to keep the older kid pinned down. She tried to jerk towards the side to avoid his grab, but it was making her wobble, and threaten to tumble off of him. “Y-you’re just a sore loser that can’t handle thahat he’s being beaten by a human!”

Both of their staffs were in easy reach and both witchlings easily could have grabbed for their actual weapons, but neither seemed inclined to do so. If anything, they seemed to have forgotten their hostility only moments prior in the wake of this bizarre game of trying to out tickle the other.

“Beaten?” the guard scoffed through his giggles as his hands suddenly locked around the girl’s wrists in an attempt to overpower her. “Y-you’re giving yourself a generous compliment, human!” He shoved against Luz, who was also pushing against his arms now.

“I am, and I’m also gonna give you a dose of THIS!” Luz smirked, her hands darting up under the older teen’s arms. Her eyes widened in shock at the explosive reaction that invoked, and she watched him desperately dig his elbows into his sides to try and protect the sensitive spot. His kicking was just wild now.

“N-NAHAHAHA! S-STAHAHAP!”

Luz couldn’t help it. Despite the fact not a finger was touching her, she laughed genuinely. “Wooow, okay I didn’t expect you to go that nuts.” Found his worst spot it seemed. “I guess it has to be pretty bad if someone as proud as yourself is actually willing to beg for mercy!” That evil grin widened, like a mischievous younger sister. “And I’m not gonna give it.”

The sixteen year old was laughing helplessly now as he twisted about to try and get away from Luz’s mischievous and playful little pokes. She was evilly prodding and jabbing anywhere she could reach, from his tummy to his sides, and back up under his arms. “Do you give up yet?”

“I’m goHONNA FEED YOU TO A DE-DEMON!”  the guard squealed, tears of mirth in his eyes. A flailing hand waved around until it found her tummy to poke, invoking a squeak from Luz.

“Ah! Ahaha, hey!” Luz grappled with the hands, and by now the two were just…a giggling mess. Both were just laughing, ticklish kids that seemed to have forgotten this was even a battle to begin with and were treating it as way more of a game now.

“You’re not gonna win this fight with me, dude! I’ve been having tickle fights with my Mami since I was little!” And had decimated everyone at the owl house at least once by now.

The teenager laughed as he kept trying to pin the younger kid. “Yeah? Well I’m the Golden Guard, so I’m stronger than you!”

“You sure about that??”

Their bizarre and adorable tickle battle went on for another good couple minutes, the two putting aside their animosity as they just let themselves indulge in being children for once, without thinking about the opposing sides they were on, or the trauma they’d been through. Both kids were breathless by the end of it. Luz barely even remembered she was supposed to be out here collecting mushrooms, or that she was essentially playing with her enemy.

“I…totally won that, human,” the boy panted out smugly, and he yelped a bit as Luz shoved him back down to the ground. He was still so caught off guard he hadn’t even seen it coming.

“You didn’t win anything. You jerk.” She rolled her eyes but after a moment offered a hand to help him up. “…Wait, what were we even trying to win?”

He seemed just as perplexed, eyes looking around slowly as if he was trying to find some explanation. A flustered look came to his face and his maroon eyes narrowed at Luz as she gave a small snort.

“Well regardless!” he went on haughtily, as if he hadn’t just been a giggling mess a moment ago. “I hope you’ve learned not to mess with a royal guard. Unfortunately it didn’t appear as if the younger teenager looked the least bit intimidated. In fact she merely smirked.

“Oh you mean the royal guard that was just giggling and squealing like a five year old girl?” Luz laughed as the teenager scowled in fury and his blush deepened. “Yeah, I definitely won’t ‘mess’ with you again,” the kid teased.

Golden Guard grunted a bit as his fingers twitched. A look of turmoil crossed his face as he kept staring at the human. It was no use. She wasn’t afraid of him anymore. Technically she hadn’t been before but he at least knew she was wary of his presence. …That wasn’t the case now.

“Well…” The prodigy hopped up onto his staff and began to rise up into the air. “This was a warning, you know.” The staff flew closer to her and the butt of it bopped her in the stomach. “Next time I won’t be so nice, human.”

“Luz.”

The boy frowned. “Huh?”

“My name, it’s Luz.” Luz crossed her arms and lifted a brow. “You could at least dignify me with my real name, you know.” She watched him blink. “So what can I call you then?”

The older teen turned away at her imploring eyes as he once again attempted to harden the proverbial walls of his armor that this stupid human had begun to chip at today. “Golden Guard,” he muttered, and didn’t miss the way Luz’s shoulders seemed to slightly sag in disappointment. After a moment of consideration, his staff lit up.

Before Luz realized it, she had a small handful of warping mushrooms and she looked to the boy.

“Consider it a small gesture of goodwill,” he told her simply and he ignored the tiny smile she was giving him. “The mushrooms are over populated this year anyway. …Don’t lean too much into this. My mercy was a one time thing.”

Luz laughed softly and gave her strange adversary a wayward smile. “Right. …Uh…thanks.”

“Try to keep yourself out of trouble for once…Luz.”

The kid stuck her tongue out at him, and it earned a small look of amusement from the other. “Yeah, whatever. See you later then, I guess.” And then he was gone. Luz’s grip on the small mushrooms tightened. “…Golden Guard.”

[kusagrasskusa]

Michael Myers X Murderer! Reader - Headcannons - "Death Card"

Also, thank you (Wattpad Person) for requesting this :) I know your the last request I got, so I prolly should have done someone else's request first, but your's was just easiest to find. (Also, I have it bad for Michael so )

Have fun reading this! I'm writing this on my laptop instead of computer so sorry if the formatting turns out worse than usual :/

Also...someone made fun of me for putting, "eight," and, "11," in the same sentence. I guess not many people know this, but anything under ten is supposed to be written out unless their fractions or decimals.

By the way, these basically aren't headcannons lol. It's just me wanting to write out a story but not being good enough to so I just write it down in simpler terms.

Enjoy~

Not only is Y/N just another famous murder who casually takes the lives of people, but she's amazing at hiding

..........until-

Y/N was an abusive home after her parents died when she was a toddler. Her aunt and uncle neglected her but karma came back at them when their car fell off a bridge, causing the pair to drown. The downside for the young Y/N was that she was put into a foster institution. And we all know by now that foster care are full of fights, drugs, weed, alcohol, and shitty employees.

As a young girl entering such a bad place, she was always a target. You know that sense of fear, worthlessness, and loneliness fucked with her head to where she felt lashing out felt great.

She would be unable to stop herself as she plunged a sharp object in and out of this prick that held her down for so long. But once she heard voices from other kids, she ran.

The story made headlines as the next big attack from yet another child. That's right, next. There was someone who inspired her to do what she did.

Of course, she always had that memory in the back of her head. That boy's violent actions filled her with immeasurable awe when she saw the news. However, she always had something more important to think about.

With so much dissatisfaction with her past, she could only fill herself up with adding things on to her in the present, and more in the future.

Y/N would steal Poker cards from people and always use the Ace of Spades to mark her kills by sliding the card into a wound. After all, betting games were the highlight of her day in the foster institution. She was always so good at it that it became her pride.

All these headlines and stories about how evil she is became such a big deal in her head. Such an overwhelming feeling of adrenaline every time she heard the name people would call her.

"The Death Card," is another name for Ace of Spades in most English countries. It was the perfect fit for Y/N.

(Ya'll, I feel like a fucking genius for coming up with that lol)

She was so good at hiding, truly. Kill someone in Kentucky, then move to Missouri. Killing someone there and move to Georgia, and so on.

Only in her hometown was she caught.

Michael was the one who started it all for her, as their same age and hometown made her feel connected to him, and finally where he got caught would be the same place she did.

14 years of hiding and killing led her to meeting him

Michael spent these 14 years sitting in complete silence. No talking, no humming, no singing, nothing. It's like he was always in his own world of thought, too busy in his imagination to interact with the real world.

Of course, there was times when he did pay attention to what's around him.

The news was the only thing he'd really pay close attention to. After all, what if something happens to Haddonfield while's he's stuck in there, and that causes plenty of people he once knew to move away?

But per usual, there was nothing about it

But there was something that caught his attention even by a little

"After 14 years, the notorious Death Card or Card of Death has finally been caught," says the Haddonfield Police Department. "While we're unsure of her motives thus far, we have been able to learn of who she is. Y/N L/N made the headlines once in 1980 at the age of eight as one of America's biggest crime cases with children as the culprit, having brutally stabbed a 15 year old boy. This happened just two years after the Michael Myers case, when a six year old boy stabbed his older sister in 1978. All else the HPD are saying is that her frantic behavior may lead her to a mental institution rather than letting her make legal decisions in court."

Michael paid attention to all the details of the report. For this report to be made about Haddonfield, chances are they'll be meeting each other soon.

The Death Card was a violent killer Michael heard of plenty of times however he never paid close attention to.

(Holy shit these are just headcannons so why am I writing long paragraphs)

He had to say, hearing about her violent stabbings were the highlight of his week. Even if he never felt strong about hearing other people having fun with their lives like she was, he couldn't help but almost feel pushed to do what she is. Living freely and ending those who cross his path...

Saying he was jealous or inspired would be a stretch though

He would spend his days painting paper mache masks while thinking of doing what she was for sure but he hated how she would show off by using those cards as if she didn't have a goal in mind, which was annoying to him. If you have nothing to live for, then kill yourself was his mindset.

Michael watched as Y/N stepped into court. He know hundreds- no thousands- of people watched as this woman of pure evil stepped into the courtroom. Her H/C hair flowed as she walked passed everyone, glaring at them with her cold E/C eyes.

A look of slight intrigue replaced his normal dull expression as he watched the girl stand up before the judge, smiling sassily at the cameras as to tell them to fuck off. Michael can recognize that look of intrusion on her face as she was practically interrogated. Clearly, she hated it there.

He watched contently as all the mystery surrounding the Card of Death was revealed to everyone in this world. Days went by of this court case before finally, she pled insanity. After all, she was known to have some underlying mental conditions as she remained so calm when talking about the varies of ways she would kill.

It's easy to see that many felt bad for the girl. Such trauma growing up led to the creation of this unfortunate human. But Michael? He didn't feel bad at all.

He never was sad or truly sympathetic however...he did feel pity. Somewhere in his soulless eyes held pity for this sad, sad girl he was soon to meet. Not exactly sympathy, but simply pity. And with that came respect.

The day that Y/N stepped foot into those doors was the day the two would meet for the very first times. Over 63 counts of first degree murder in 14 years led to the meeting of these two serial killers. At the time, they were both only 20.

Tables were scattered across the room with people talking or simply sitting alone by themselves on them. There was TV in a few different places around the room and board games in a couple of shelves. In the back of the large room was windows that showed the outside that felt so out of reach forever.

As the metal doors slammed behind her, she felt eyes on her immediately. Y/N slowly scanned the room as she gulped back the intense fear gathering in her stomach. Her lips parted open as she began to breath heavily and press her back on those metal doors.

She was so trapped and scared when she first entered that foster institution. She couldn't help but think of karma when her aunt would hurt her so badly for those five years before she died. But 63 murders are so much worse, so what could karma do to her to balance her evil deeds with punishment?

Laughter and giggled filled her ears as she shut her eyes tightly and covered her face with her arms. Her vision was going blurry; she was having a panic attack. Tears fell from her eyes as she whimpered quietly to herself.

She may be the Card of Death however she never had to be in a large group of people in so long.

Her body jerked as she was suddenly pulled away from those metal doors. She cried out when she saw a large man, around 6'7 (204cm), pull her away.

In just a few seconds, she was pulled to a metal table and forced to sit as the large man stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders.

Her body tensed unimaginably as they remained still for a few seconds, quiet aside from the occasional sobs of Y/N.

Then suddenly, the pressure on her shoulders disappeared. She heard nothing until the sound of creaking from the seat in front of her interrupted.

Y/N felt eyes on her. They were so intense over her.

A minute passed before her own eyes fluttered open, meeting the man's eyes in front of her.

A shiver ran down her spine when she came face to face with stone cold blue eyes that seemed to hold nothing within them. No light, no soul, and no sympathy. Not only that, but a orange mask made of paper mache covered the rest of his face as well.

The man tilted his head before lifting his hand onto the table, sliding something over to her. Y/N looked down at what he gave her.

"Don't speak. Write."

Michael had given her a paper with these words. His handwriting was hard to read considering he nearly never wrote anything so it took a moment before Y/N got the message. When she did, she looked back up at the man and nodded just a little so it was barely recognizable.

Obviously this conversation was to be secretive so she knew to barely show signs of interactions. The camera couldn't pick up on such a small nod to what evidence is there of them even interacting?

Michael slid the paper back to him and brought a pencil to the paper after erasing the original text. When he slid it back to her, it read, "Don't let anyone know what we say Y/N. They watch everything." When Y/N looked back up at him, she saw him dart his eyes from something behind her to something on the wall between them. She turned her head slightly to the side, noticing a camera on the wall. So she understood.

Michael had dropped on the pencil on the table, meaning it was her turn to reply. She erased the previous text before writing down, "Who are you? How do you know me?" When she slid it back, Michael took the pencil in his hand again.

"Michael Myers. I was a well known case two years before you. We heard a lot about you on TV."

"As in the boy who killed his sister at the age of six?"

"Yes. You know me?"

Y/N's eyes widened slightly as she frantically wrote down a reply. Without even noticing, the knot in her stomach had completely disappeared without a trace.

"I remember seeing your case. I thought about everyday."

Michael didn't reply immediately after reading. Instead, he waited a few minutes and stared down at the table. A look of confusion remained on Y/N's features as she impatiently waited. Then suddenly, Michael erased what was on the paper and simply drew a masked person looking somewhat like himself with a knife in his hand. He drew dead stick figures around it with blood splattering everywhere.

Michael knew that this picture would cover up all the eraser marks and writings that were still slightly visible. So when the guard that walked up behind Y/N without her knowing popped up, he didn't see any text.

Of course, this did lead to the paper being taken away. Then minutes after that, both of the pair was taken away.

If there's one thing as scary as analyzing The Shape and caring for him, it's that person who cares and analyzes him finding him interacting with someone else for the first time.

Whenever Y/N got sat down in her cell, she knew what was about to happen. She was sat down in her bed as a man she'd never seen before sat down in the chair that came with her little desk in her cell with a guard next to him.

Have you ever spoken to Michael? Are you related to him? How do you know him? How does he know you? Have you ever met his family? Why did he interact to you? Why was he drawing things for you? Does he like you? Does he hate you? Did he write to you? Did you hear him talk?

So many questions were asked by this Dr Loomis in such short amount of time. "No, no, I don't, no, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, no, no," and mostly these were your responses. No matter how many times Loomis asked, you dully replied.

You simply said he sat you down and you began to draw together, both filling in a piece of the drawing together.

And eventually, you got out.

Another day went by of "talking" to Michael.

And another.

And another.

The talks were nice and casual. What goes on in the asylum? What goes on in the outside? Who should I avoid? What's the reputation of the HPD?

Do you want to escape?

But it was only a matter of time before finally the two were friends.

Y/N was kinda just in her cell one night in bed. Then she just gasped and widened her eyes. Wait, are we friends? We're friends, right!

Michael already knew of their friendship like two weeks before she did. It felt so...wrong for him. He had always been alone and silent. How could someone like her even be so likeable to him? He didn't really understand it but he knew he hated it.

One day, the two were writing to each other per usual. Michael unintentionally added a pun in one of his comments, causing Y/N to giggle. Michael cocked his head to the side in confusion, strangely feeling heat rise his face and his heart speed up. It was air conditioned so he suspected he may have gotten sick.

Whenever the two had to go back to their cells, that feeling suddenly disappeared. Then it hit him. Oh fuck-

Hell, only a week later did Y/N feel herself experiencing the same symptoms. Michael notices that Y/N would shake and fidget a lot when they interacted, making him wonder of she was cold. As a friend, it was only right for him to sit next to her and hold her close to keep her warm, right? Y/N's face went red and damn that was embarrassing. But of course, that didn't mean Y/N wouldn't hug him back.

Eventually the two were basically cuddling. The two hugging each other warmly as Y/N rested her head on his chest, struggling to stay awake as they got more comfortable by the second.

But of course, Dr Loomis caught eye of that.

The doctor had been looking deep into al the interactions these two evil beings have had. They act so casual, so normal with each other, surely more than just drawing is happening between them, right?

The doctor had pulled them into his office separately to interrogate them. While Y/N bluntly answered his questions to make him just shut up as quickly as possible, she couldn't help but think to herself. She knows that she and Michael are mentally ill, but he should definitely be fixed by now. He's smart and creative and can casually talk to people, so it's like the only thing keeping him here is that the doctors are so ill-equipped that they can't make the necessary breakthrough to save him.

Of course, just a month later, another incident happened like this. Y/N was having a bad migraine so Michael got her to just sit down and wait for him during lunch. He brought over two trays of food for them and was sure to trade with Y/N so she can eat the things she likes and he could have the things she dislikes.

Another time, a bipolar guy ran into Michael and shoved him as if it was his fault. Michael shoved him back instinctively, causing a fight to disperse between the two. As security guards took notice, Y/N was quick to push Michael away softly and ball a fist to punch the fuck out of that guy- like a, "YO WHATCHU SAY ABOUT MY MAN?" type shit. Y/N did this to seem like she was hitting back and that Michael hadn't done anything wrong.

And when each other's birthday's rolled around, they had their own celebration. Y/N was given her own paper mache mask as a gift and a small cupcake from the cafe. Michael was given stolen art supplies that were taken from other guests and also a cupcake.

Y/N slowly stopped having panic attacks, but she definitely had her moments. Of course, Michael sat with her through it.

Dr Loomis recorded all this shit so he can gather data on Michael. Then the question hit him: How would Michael react if Y/N was gone for a few days? Does he truly care about her or is he just using her?

If you think Michael hated Loomis before, wait til he pieced together the disappearance of girlfriend and the extensive eyesight on him from security guards. For the hell he raised about it, he had to get sterilized and put into a cell without being able to get out for a few days.

Y/N remained bored in her cell for days. So what better could she do than annoy the guard watching her? She would just talk nonstop for what felt like hours and hours. The dude watching her was just getting more pissed off by the second.

"Would you shut up? Crazy bitch," he hissed, hitting the cell door. Y/N giggled cockily, shaking her head. Even if she deserved to be yelled at for continuing to talk, the Card of Death refused to back down. But when the guard went inside her cell and locked the door behind him, she got a bit worried.

Y/N got off her bed and threatened him cockily, to which he responded with physical force.

Of course, Smith's Groove is ill-equipped so even with proof of being hit and tazed, Y/N couldn't do anything to get the guard fired. But Michael?

A full month without seeing each other was like a slow suicide. But when they finally got to see each other again, the two was sure to write so much about their time alone as if they were teenage friends discussing their fun weekends. However, things turned dark whenever Y/N brought up the guard.

Michael didn't show any emotions at all, no matter what happens. But Y/N learned to guess how he's feeling depending on how long he takes to respond. Slowed blinking as if he was in thought, and slower reading as got analyze her writing closer were typically bad signs.

About a year had passed since they met at this time. A year to plan to escape. By now, the two were both 21 and fully prepared to leave once and for all.

Whenever that security guard had walked passed Michael's cell one night, Michael had knocked on the door to signal him. Michael slipped a paper through the doorslot, as he was given paper since he doesn't talk, saying he found a dead mouse in his cell. The guard just huffed and let himself inside. Michael pointed to where the mouse supposedly was; and that was a mistake for the guard.

Right as that guard went to look, Michael got behind and covered his mouth before stabbing him in the neck with a paint brush that's but carved into a small blade. Within moments, the guard dropped dead onto the floor.

Taking the keys from the guard, Michael was able to let out nearly every single prisoner to this hell out of their cells. Including Y/N.

The world sister was the only thing left of the pair as it was engraved into the door of Michael's cell. And just like that, the two were gone.

How they got there so fast doesn't matter but eventually Y/N and Michael found an abandoned house to station at until the search around the area disappeared and they could move around quicker.

"I can't fucking believe it," Y/N cheered as she felt tears run down her face from happiness. She swayed across the room, taking in the smell of dust and air. Even something dirty felt so new to her that couldn't help but love it at the moment.

Michael would watch her as he sat down in an old wooden chair, cocking his head. His body was in complete shock as the realization of all that's happened in the past years came crashing down on him. This was the real world? This is what dust smells like? This is what shattered glass and broken wood looks like? This is what trees look like up close? This is what things look like without glass tinting the color?

This is what it feels like to celebrate with someone you love? Michael reminded himself that the girl in front of him changed his life so much. His urge to harm all around him was always so strong, but the thought of her being hurt felt a bad taste in his mouth.

He stood up from the chair, walking towards the ecstatic girl as she cried happily to herself and picked up random things to remind herself of what they feel like and all she takes for granted. She turned her head to him, smiling, "Michael, look, I found a-"

Y/N gasped as Michael gripped his mask and slowly moved it. Y/N watched in awe as for the first time, she saw her only friend in this world's real face. That pale skin and soulless eyes that she grew familiar with became so new to her again.

"Michael..." she whispered, stepping closer to him. Her face heated up as she felt the weight his eyes staring down at her. She lightly bit her lip, a shiver going down her spine.

He took a few steps closer as well, making the two remain inches away from each other. Now at this point, Y/N is questioning if Michael is gonna kill her or is gonna kiss her as he awkwardly put his hand to her cheek, brushing her hair away. She leaned her head into his hand, keeping eye contact with him the whole time.

In just a matter of moments, the two came together in a soft kiss. The moment was quiet as the two did their best to remain calm and together as this moment that was little way's overdue continued.

When the two pulled away, Y/N was quick to wrap her arms around him. Now she wasn't going to cry about it, but damn was that contact she needed so badly. The Death Card and The Shape were basically Yin and Yang with how one is emotional and the other in emotionless but their need for pain and each other is what kept it healthy.

Just imagine how much suffering families went through since the two got out.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Targets - ao3

- Chapter 6 -

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mistress Wen,” the boy with the gentle smile who called himself Meng Yao said, bowing. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

Wen Qing did not especially want to talk to – anyone,  really, but she really didn’t want to talk, least of all, to a boy some seven years her junior, from another sect with everything that entailed. But just over his shoulder, she could see that Wen Ning was smiling, his cheeks almost bulging with the force of it, as he spoke with the other children, making friends for the first time in his life, and she supposed it was in her best interest to make friends as well.

“I’m not planning on staying, you know,” she told him, just in case, and he nodded agreeably. “I’m a prisoner of war.”

A very comfortable prisoner of war. Who may or may not have put up very little fuss about getting captured when her supposedly secure carriage escort had gotten raided by the Nie sect, especially when their sect leader had recognized her by sight on first meeting and bowed politely instead of taking her head off at once as she might have expected. He’d even asked after her brother’s health – Wen Ruohan hadn’t done that once in the entire time she’d known him, and still less after he’d abruptly gone mad.

And he had, in fact, gone mad.

There was no other way to explain his behavior.

One day he’d been fine, scheming and vicious and narcissistic the way she’d always known he was but also cautious and thoughtful, set upon a slow and inexorable scheme of domination that would see him eventually claim all that he desired, and the next moment he was – very nearly unhinged. He saw himself as the rightful master of the cultivation world, just as he always had, except now it was as if he had had safely it in the palm of his hand and then had it snatched away from him, rather than anticipating a future prize to be eventually savored; he was frustrated and so, so angry, lashing out at all around him.

His sons had loved the idea of attacking the other sects – Wen Xu was old enough to plan out battles, the son of Sect Leader Wen’s previous wife, while Wen Chao, who was still young but old enough to tear off the limbs of small creatures, couldn’t wait to torment the children that had shown him up in achievements, stealing the accolades that he viewed as belonging to him.

They were still young, she’d told herself, and didn’t know better, could still be educated into something like kindness and compassion, but she’d also known that that wouldn’t help them if the other sects defeated theirs - that was the problem with war like this, where there was no room for mercy. What idiot would permit them to live long enough to seek vengeance for their clan?

What idiot would allow her and Wen Ning to live, assuming the same would be true for them?

As a result, Wen Qing had been much less enthusiastic about the whole project, although after her uncle had made an example of the few generals that dared to protest his decisions she was very quiet about her lack of enthusiasm. It didn’t mean she agreed with anything he was doing – that wasn’t new, she hadn’t agreed with anything he was doing for years now, but she’d gotten used to closing her eyes and shutting her ears, but nowadays it was much worse than before. He was acting as though he’d already finished all his carefully-laid plans – the ones he’d previously recognized were necessary as a foundation for the strike he would be ready to make in five or ten years, the one-shot-kill domination of the cultivation world – and nothing, seemingly, could be done to convince him otherwise.

Not even the risk to his precious sons.

The Fire Palace was full of new people, and new things, too, and if Wen Qing ever found out what sick, twisted mind had come up with those torture machines…

“Of course you’re a prisoner, Mistress Wen,” Meng Yao said smoothly. “I am merely acting as a prison guard. Would you like some lunch? Or a bath, or some rest…?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re not a servant,” she said. “Your clothing is too fine for that.”

“I’m a disciple of the Nie sect, a new one,” Meng Yao said, and she thought he almost sounded surprised about that. “That doesn’t mean that I can’t see to your comfort.”

Wen Qing looked again at Wen Ning, who was now being lured onto the training field and a bow pressed into his hand by excited youngsters. His cheeks were bright red, a sure sign that someone was complimenting him – probably the Wei boy, the Jiang sect’s ward, who was waving his hands around very enthusiastically as if he were trying to sell Wen Ning whole and entire, clothing and crown thrown in for free. The other children seemed just as enthusiastic, though, excluding perhaps the Lan sect’s second young master who mostly just looked harassed but continued to linger as if he were hoping for even more harassment.

It seemed…exhausting.

“A bath would be nice,” she said, giving in with a sigh and wishing, not for the first time, that she wasn’t one of the oldest of her generation. Wen Xu was older, yes, but he obviously wasn’t here, and most of the Nie sect that were her age would be away to war soon enough if they weren’t already. She foresaw a great deal of babysitting in her future. “And then, perhaps, a conversation with some relevant individual to pass along important battle information that I definitely wouldn’t have access to, being a humble and unimportant doctor?”

Meng Yao grinned at her.

“Oh, I think something like that can be arranged,” he said cheerfully. Probably more than he would be if he knew half the information she had to offer was completely insane – for example, her uncle had gotten terribly fixated on demonic cultivation of late, claiming that it would allow a single man to take down a battalion, except he had no idea how to make any of it work. She hoped he never figured it out. “The more the merrier here, Wen-jiejie, and I think we’re all of the opinion that the sooner this war is over, the better. Wouldn’t you say?”

“You’re not the only one who thinks so,” Wen Qing said tartly, not sure if she appreciated the intimacy or not. At least it boded well for her future survival, and Wen Ning’s... “Part of my uncle’s insanity has been his – quite frankly – ridiculous conviction that he needs to kill all of you specifically before you, and I quote, ‘threaten to shoot down the sun’.”

What madman would target the sun?

Maybe they should, though, she thought, and not as unwillingly as she’d always believed she’d be if it ever came down to it. Wen Ruohan might be her uncle, her patron, the one who pulled her up into the sky, and she’d always been resigned to the fact that if he was shot down, so would she; the knowledge had paralyzed her, forced her to be indifferent to his crimes. But the Nie sect was treating her as if she were still Dafan Wen, just different enough to be left out of the dirty water Qishan Wen was splashing all over her surname – through war, through domination, through the attempted kidnapping and murder of lots of innocent children...

Maybe it would be good for him to understand what it’s like to be made a target.

“I like that,” an unexpected voice behind her said – it was the Nie sect leader again, looking unusually boyish without his war-armor and with a smile on his face instead of a scowl. She abruptly wondered how old he was, and how much he’d suffered collaterally when it had been his father who’d been the target instead of her uncle; it hadn’t been something she’d thought much about before. “If there was ever a need to shoot the sun down, it’s now, with Wen Ruohan equating himself for it…it’s like aiming at kite flying in the sky that’s in desperate need of deflating. We could call the war the Sunshot Campaign.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Wen Qing couldn’t help but scoff. “What’s the likelihood that something like that catching on?”

[shotsbyshae]

Coin-Operated Boy

Warnings: Language

Words: 1.3k

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

Summary: There’s a reason you don’t tell Steve about the project you’re working on for Tony.

Song: Coin-Operated Boy by The Dresden Dolls

A/N: This is just a short little Fun Friday one shot for my friend @sagechanoafterdark​ 2k followers challenge. Congrats!! Thank you for hosting this and giving me a change to use one my favorite songs and an idea that’s been in my head for a while now. 

I will never cry at night again.

2023

Insane.

That’s what most would call it.

Unethical.

Irresponsible.

The list could go on, but you like to call it something else.

Extraordinary.

You don’t take any of the credit.

After all, you only assisted in perfecting the technology.

Separately their projects had failed, but once you mentioned Leopold’s work in regard to the quantum brain theory, Tony was able to correct the flaws which had been the downfall of Ultron.

Thus, Project Gray was born and Stark carefully and secretively scanned every member of his team – with your help.

‘This is why we started the project.’

The saying became a mantra for you in the weeks following the battle as you worked endlessly in the makeshift lab which you’d converted your basement into. The extent of casualties could have been much more severe and none of you were ready for that.

The basement is quiet with the exception of your fingers methodically moving along the keyboard, running a series of diagnostics tests on the latest hardware update you’ve installed. You have a ballpoint pen dangling from your mouth, your tongue flicking it from one side to the other.

You’re so lost in thought that you don’t hear him come down the stairs, only feel the warmth from his hands as he squeezes your shoulders. Thumbs pressing against the knots there below your neck as you tilt your head back to look up at him.

“Hi,” you smile before lifting your head back to look at the screen before you.

“You’ve been spending more time down here than Tony does,” Steve responds as he moves to stand beside you, leaning back against your worktable.

“Well,” you smile turning your attention to him. “You know an assistant’s job is never done.”

“Especially if you’re Tony’s,” he remarks sarcastically, pulling the pen from your lips. “What does he have you working on now?”

“Same project,” you say, watching him toss the pen on top of some papers beside him. “Did you see Nat today?” He nods, looking curiously at the top piece of paper he just tossed the pen onto. “How is she?”

“Good,” he responds, not really paying attention anymore as he lifts the paper which now has his attention and holds it up for you to see. “What’s an old S.H.I.E.L.D. file have to do with Tony’s project?”

You stand up slowly, taking the paper from him and point at the name on the letterhead, “Friend of mine. He went to the academy and he’s helping me out on this project. He’s coming by actually to look at a few things for me.”

“Oh, he is?” Steve says it with a judgmental tone as you lay the paper back down.

“You sound jealous,” you smirk up at him as he pulls you closer.

“Only thing I’m jealous of is this project of yours,” he comments. “It gets more of your attention than I do.”

Leaning up you press a soft kiss to his lips before pulling away with a smile, “Just a little longer, I’m waiting on him to go over a few things – then I’m all yours.”

Steve’s hands cradle your face for a moment, “Promise?”

“Promise.”

He leans in, deepening the kiss you initiated as his tongue slips past your lips. His pure want – need – for you makes you weak and suddenly you’re forgetting why you needed more time.

The sound of someone clearing their throat from the stairs halts your mini make-out session and you both turn to see a man standing there.

“Sorry, I knocked, but no one answered,” he says, a Scottish tone in his voice. “The door was unlocked, I figured you were down here.”

“It’s fine Fitz,” you remark, patting Steve’s chest lovingly. “Steve, this is Leopold Fitz. My friend I was telling you about.” Fitz approaches awkwardly as you introduce them.

“Steve Rogers,” Steve says, offering his hand to the man.

“Captain Rogers,” Fitz greets, shaking his hand while looking at him curiously as Rogers eyes him suspiciously. “Nice to meet you.”

Steve only nods, “I’ll let you two get to work.” He turns and places a quick kiss on your temple before he heads back upstairs.

“So,” you glance over at the man across from you with a smile. “How are things?”

“I just found out I have a grandson,” he responds, almost jokingly. “He’s our age.”

You furrow your brow and shake your head, “Yea – no.”

“Agreed,” Fitz nods. “Seriously though, how’s the project coming along?”

“Good, I did diagnostics earlier,” you remark. “I really think this is it Fitz. I mean between you and Tony, the two of you – what you were able to accomplish.” The smile on your face is infectious and Fitz begins to smile too. “It’s incredible – I wish everyone could know.”

“So, you haven’t told Steve,” Fitz looks at you, concern in his eyes. “About what you did.”

‘Swapping Tony with a Life-Model Decoy of himself, fully equipped with memories, capable of showing emotion, feeling pain – yea, not exactly pillow talk.’ You think to yourself as you rub the back of your neck.

Swallowing the lump in your throat you shake your head, “No – he wouldn’t understand.” You fold your arms across your chest. “It’s the whole reason Tony started Project Gray – to prevent casualties. If that had been Tony out there that day with Thanos, he’d be dead right now. The LMD is the reason he’s alive – Steve can’t see past Ultron and what he did.”

“I get that,” Fitz agrees before continuing. “And Romanoff?” He keeps his eyes trained on you. “How’s her LMD – have there been any glitches?”

You shake your head, “No – she’s perfect. Which is great and awful at the same time, because had I known I could have sent her to Vormir instead –” Your voice trails off with the surge of emotions.

“You couldn’t have known,” Fitz tries to reassure you, his voice softer as he moves closer to your workspace. “I am curious though – did you create more than one model of Romanoff.”

“No,” you respond. “I have one on stand-by for Tony though – why?”

“May I see it – him?” his politeness is genuine and very Fitz-like, so you reach for the controller to raise one of the blacked-out panels across the room from the two of you. Inside stands a Tony Stark LMD, dressed in black work out gear, head tilted down to his chest with his eyes closed as if he’s asleep.

Fitz nods his head slowly at the sight before reaching quickly to snatch the controller away from you.

You stare at him in shock, trying to take back the device, “What the hell, Fitz?”

“You’re my friend,” he begins calmly. “I’ve helped you – supported you.” The look of disbelief on his face is alarming. “What the bloody hell are you thinking?”

“What are you talking about?” you ask him in exasperation.

“I knew something was off,” he begins to ramble. “Before S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, they sent his picture out – he was a fugitive or something – I don’t forget a face, but that was nearly ten years ago. Theoretically, he shouldn’t be –” Fitz places his hands on his hips defiantly. “Does Stark know?”

“About what?” you throw your hands up in the air.

The man lifts the device in his hand without breaking eye contact with you and presses the button a couple more times, lifting two more blacked-out panels. You clench your jaw, folding your arms across your chest as Fitz places his hand back on his hip before he finally breaks eye contact with you to turn and look at the containers.

Inside one stands a much younger looking Steve Rogers wearing his classic Captain America suit, while the other contains an older Steve with longer hair and a full beard, the suit much darker in color compared to the other.

Fitz turns back to you with a look of disbelief and a huff of frustration.

“What – one wasn’t enough? How long has Captain America been a bloody LMD?”

[seriouslyhooked]

Feels Like This (Part 3)

Emma Swan is a once lost girl who is now making good. She has made a way in the world for her and her young son, Henry, and after years of hard work, Emma is in her last stretch of schooling for the career she’s always wanted. Unexpectedly, she finds herself in a tiny nation no one’s ever heard of for her last year of study. She knows nothing about the place except that it’s beautiful, has a world-renowned child life program, and is filled with possibility. Meanwhile, Prince Killian is hardly happy with the title he received at birth. As the second in line for the crown, Killian has long tried shaking his royal duties. He built a career in the royal navy, and has stayed out of the limelight, but his ship has been called to port indefinitely at the request of his brother, the King. Fate (in her many forms) brings Emma and Killian together and the resulting fic is a cute, fluffy, trope filled romp featuring heart felt moments, a healthy dose of insta-love and an assured happily ever after. Story rated M and will have 12 parts. Part 1 Here, Part 2 Here. Available on FF Here and AO3 Here.

A/N: Hey everyone! So thank you so much first and foremost for the love you guys have shown this fic. I have been so excited to write this and have been waiting ages to share it all with you. This is the kind of fluff and cuteness I personally need in my life right now, and I know a lot of you probably feel the same. Strap in for my usual dose of CS feels, and yes, for those of you asking, this is the moment CS will meet. Hope you all enjoy and thank you all so much for reading!

“And you’re sure you’ve got everything?” Emma asked, looking at Henry and knowing that he was ready to head into camp. They’d been over this numerous times, and at this point they were already out of the house and in front of the hall where campers congregated every morning. Still, Emma couldn’t help trying to soak up the moment with her kid just a little bit longer, and if that meant running through their list once more, so be it. “You have your lunch?”

“They give us lunch there, Mom.”

“Oh right,” she said, still shocked at how much was provided seeing as this program was free through the University. The children of all faculty and students were allowed to come, and it completely eradicated a need for her to find alternative childcare. Back in the States they had nothing like this built in anywhere. Getting Henry to camp previously either took a funding miracle, an insane amount of luck, or extra shifts at a second job. Usually he stayed with Mrs. H and Emma tried desperately to make it up to their neighbor. But now community sponsored help was becoming a given way of life, and every kid in Montenarro, no matter their background, seemed to have at least one path to a bright and happy summer.

“You’ve got your bag? How about water?”

“Yes and yes. We ran through this already, remember? I told you everything I had while you made breakfast.”

Emma smiled, knowing he was right, as crazy as it sounded. It was wild to her that on a weekday she would have the time, the patience, and the extra bit of cash to afford the spread they ate together today.  They had eggs, fruit, bacon, oatmeal and there were fresh pastries if they wanted. It was like their special holiday brunch, which happened on Christmas or on one of their birthdays, but they’d had this or something similar every day for nearly two weeks. It might seem over the top, but between the later starting hours here in Montenarro, her reduced work schedule with a generous stipend, and the fairer prices at the markets, Emma finally felt like she could give her son what he deserved. For years they’d chowed down on discount cereal, and now, in an attempt to enjoy themselves and resemble their new neighbors, they were taking a slower, and far and away more luxurious approach.

“I remember, kid. So I’ll be back here at four, and if I’m a little late -,”

“I just hang out a while longer, I know,” Henry said, looking to the doorway. A grin appeared at his face as he spotted one of his new friends. The other young boy waved in their direction and Henry waved back, causing Emma’s heart to melt. Her son not only had friends here, he was thriving. He was so happy, and seeing him this way made her happy too. “You don’t have to rush, Mom. I know your work ends early now, but maybe you could do something just for yourself.”

“Are you trying to tell me you’d rather stay later?” Emma asked, and Henry looked embarrassed for a moment before nodding.

“Not too much later, but Michael and Talia stay until five, and we’ve got this cool game going that we made up yesterday. It’s kind of hard to explain. But I can come home at four still. It’s okay, I’ll just -,”

“No, no, Henry, I am thrilled that you’re having a good time. I’ll be here at five.”

“Cool! Thanks, Mom!” Henry exclaimed, giving her a quick hug before heading for the door. “See you at five!”

She watched him get in safely, and the director of the camp who she’d met last week wished her a fond hello as she checked in Henry. Her greeting was pleasant and polite, and Emma knew if she had time the woman would talk her ear off about what it was like to be from America or the upcoming summer festivals. As it was though, Emma had to get going. She wasn’t late for work or anything, but she was eager to get there. Her work at the JR foundation was shaping up to be amazing. She was learning a lot, but she already felt like one of the team. Everyone who was there appreciated her, not just for working and helping out, but for her ideas. They were so responsive to suggestions, and always willing to try out any new concepts Emma had only really read about in books.

Their director, Marco, wasn’t like a normal boss. He didn’t hover or micromanage or come across as inaccessible. In fact, despite all the other calls on his time, Marco was with them all helping the kids and participating in their activities as much as he could. That leadership was so amazing in a space like this, and from everything Emma had experienced, the precedent he set was entirely reflective of the culture at large. Every person at the institute was determined to do right by these kids, and the children, despite the sad circumstances surrounding most of their lives, were doing so well and seemed so happy despite it all.

It was only a few city blocks from Henry’s camp to the center, but Emma let herself linger in the walk. She moved more slowly, matching the pace of the people around her, who never seemed to rush, and instead just enjoyed each day as it came. People were always smiling and laughing, and even the fighting was good natured. The streets were bustling but not full. They were cleaned regularly, maintaining the gorgeous cobblestone walks and the beautiful vintage architecture. It was warm here – a quintessential coastal retreat in the Mediterranean that she’d only ever imagined in her dreams or seen on travel TV. Everything considered, it was the opposite of New York, and despite having lived in the city she and Henry called home for more than ten years, Emma had to admit she didn’t miss it… at least not as much as she thought she would.

Don’t get too attached, Emma. This is temporary. Enjoy it while you can, but your real life is nothing like this.

The voice in her head was negative, but had a point, and Emma had no choice but to heed the advice. She would enjoy every bit of this she could, but she couldn’t get too comfortable, otherwise she’d miss this when they left. Even thinking of the heartbreak that may come if Henry continued to love it here so much left her reeling, but Emma carried on, pushing down that worry as she made her way past the institute’s front gates. It was important that she be in the right headspace when walking through these doors. The kids deserved her at 100%, and that was what she planned to be for them. Shaking off the worry from moments ago she moved inside, and as soon as she arrived, she was greeted by the sound of children running and laughing.

Some people might look at this place right now, apparently filled to the brim with kids who were wired and excitable now that it was officially summer and the school term was over, and think that this was chaos, but Emma knew better by now. Every child here ranging in age from six months to sixteen was attended to and accounted for. They had a large brood of kids, with sixty-seven at last count, and this was the biggest home under the JR foundation, though there were half a dozen more around the small country. Many children who were here would eventually be adopted, or would merge into part of a nationally funded fostering program, known for being one of the best systems in the world. In their last two years of school, older children went to special homes or foster placements designed just for them, to give them the attention and time they needed (instead of leaving them to the wayside for the sake of younger, needier children), and to prepare them for life outside of the system. Emma would eventually shadow a center that worked with those young adults, but for now, she was enjoying the hustle and bustle of the general group.

“Look, Char, it’s Emma!” one young boy named Thomas proclaimed to his little sister Charlotte from across the room, and in seconds every child had turned and was excitedly greeting her. Some of them came right up to hug her or give her a high five, but at the very least they all nodded in her direction and chirped out a fond hello.

“Good morning everyone,” Emma said, noticing the bags along the doorway and how the older kids were dressed in a uniform of navy colored shorts and florescent green shirts. “Did I miss something?” Emma asked aloud, not really to anyone in particular, but an answer came from one of the institute’s most trusted sources.

“Flora is taking the older children to the seaside today for a science lesson.”

The woman who filled Emma in was named Elsa, and despite the humidity in the air and the exuberance of the children all around them, she was totally put together and looked completely unstressed. Her hair was tied back in her usual braid, and her turquoise colored summer dress flowed in a way that looked poised for a summer catalogue. Elsa was effortless in an enviable way, but she was so kind and eager to be of help that Emma couldn’t begin to muster jealousy. In a short time Emma had begun to consider Elsa a friend, but though the two of them were roughly the same age, Emma was still a student and Elsa was a fully-fledged child psychologist who lived at the institute full time. She, and her sister Anna, who also worked at the institute, but as an activity’s coordinator, were two peas in a pod, but they’d done everything they could to include Emma and help her get her bearings in this new world.

“Lessons? In the summer?” Emma asked, not surprised that the institute was providing supplementary schooling year-round. She’d seen as much since starting here, but she was more taken aback at how excited these kids looked. Every child aged ten and older was gathered down here, no doubt waiting to fill the two institute vans out back. Still, how fun could a science lesson be?

“We use the term lessons lightly. For the rest of the morning the children will explore the tide pools at the national endowment’s shoreline about an hour north. There are some very unique ecosystems there, and so there is a whole lot to learn. But Flora will have them break for lunch and Anna takes over in the afternoon.”

“What’s she got in store for them?” Emma asked and Elsa shook her head.

“Well I can’t exactly say, as I’ve been sworn to secrecy.” Her smile grew at how silly that sounded, and she looked over her shoulder to check for Anna, but gave a little more when she saw that the coast was clear. “Let’s just say it’s going to be a jam-packed day that will go out with a blaze of glory.”

The emphasis Elsa used on the word ‘blaze’ made Emma think that there would likely be a beachside bonfire included, but before she could get confirmation, things started moving quickly. The older kids were summoned to the shuttles to go out for their day, and Emma meanwhile saw the clock and realized it was time for her to report to Marco’s office to get her assignment for the day. Moving through the playroom and the sunroom, which had the younger children and the babies respectively, she finally found her way and after knocking she walked into the brightly lit hub of all things here at the institute.

“Ah, good morning, Emma,” Marco said with a big smile, waving her in and gesturing that she should take a seat beside one of the other workers at the institute, Marie. Marie was Marco’s second in command, and though she never used the phase herself, the children had taken to calling her Nana. She had a maternal way about her, and every child seemed to love her as they might a favorite grandmother. “You’re here just in time. I’ve been talking with Marie and we think that today would be a perfect opportunity to try one of your intervention measures.”

“Really?” Emma asked, surprised, but excited at the thought. This would be the third that they had tried, and the last two had gone off without a hitch. “Which one?”

“The ‘Music Makes Me…’ one seems like a good choice. We have a few children who, to now, have been less responsive to our normal socializing measures. Their either shy or hurting, and we’re hoping to help them open up. Elsa’s our counselor on shift today and she’s eager to help oversee this. You’ll take the lead, but she’ll be there for any help you might need. We realize it’s a long-term project,” Marco said, looking down at a piece of paper to check his facts. “You wrote here three times a week for eight weeks. Is that right?”

“Yes, sir. Ideally. Positive identity work can start yielding results as soon as three weeks, but the Princeton Psychology Review did a study this winter that showed children’s habit forming reaches its peak effectiveness after the eight-week mark.”

“And this is one of the projects you modeled off of your own parenting experience, correct?” Marco asked as Emma nodded. Her throat grew tight at the genuine emotion behind this tactic, but this was a place with people she trusted not to judge her. As such, she shared what sparked the idea.

“When Henry first started school, he was one of the only kids that wasn’t in a two-parent household. Even the other single parents had some sort of family behind them, like grandparents, aunts and uncles, or other kids. I’m not exactly sure how long he struggled with being different in that way, he’s an independent kid and he kept his pain over that closed in, probably to spare me from being worried. But when his teachers gave me their assessment and told me what they thought was happening, I set something not dissimilar to this up. We tried painting and crafting to express his emotions, but the music seemed to help so much more.”

“It’s really remarkable, the way you’ve melded your experience with your son and your own past in with all of this cutting-edge research. It’s one of the many reasons we’re so thrilled you’re with us this year,” Marie said cheerfully and Emma warmed at the comment. Telling the story of her son’s pain at not having a father, however vague she had kept it, was hard, especially because Emma lay awake many nights wondering if he was missing something fundamental by not having a father. She wondered if it may hurt him in the long run. But she was reassured by the fact that she always did her best for Henry, and that her experience could help not just her son, but the children here who had no present parents at all.  

“Given that it’s rather late notice, do you think you can manage? We’ve got a window right now for a few hours. Elsa’s already selected the children who may need the intervention most. She kept it in the 5-8 age range as you suggested.”

Emma immediately assured them that she could pull this together, as the concept was not hard. Basically what this practice/exercise included was playing music that was grounded in emotion. Some that were happy, some more subdued, some fast, and some slow, and encouraging kids to do what they wanted when they heard that. For Henry he’d always loved to run around and dance at the fast-paced songs. Then the slower ones were always more interesting. Sometimes he picked up a favorite toy, drew a picture on the supplies she left out, or created his own little imaginary game. All the while, however, Emma’s job was to engage, support, and ask questions.

The questions always started mildly. What’s your favorite color today? (she’d learned early not to box her son into ultimate favorites). If you could have any snack in the world what would you choose? What animal makes the funniest sound? Then the questions would evolve. Her son, like many kids, was a vivid dreamer and Emma often asked about those night time visions. Sometimes they meant nothing but sometimes they told her a lot. She wanted to include that with these kids, but also include more focused questions to them about how they felt here at the institute, what they felt like when they told people from the outside about living here, and what they dreamed of for the future. She’d always ended each session with Henry in two parts. The first was to ask Henry what his biggest wish was for someone else, and the second was to ask his biggest wish for himself. Kids at his age were filled with wishes and wants, but Emma knew from personal experience, that that may already be flickering away in kids without parents. She’d been seven years old when her hope truly started to fade away, and she believed if she’d had these kind of positive affirmations and people who were working to see her happy and well situated, her relationship with the world and herself would have been much easier.

In the end, Marco, Marie, and Elsa decided that there were five best candidates for today’s intervention. Stella and Timothy were a biological brother and sister who had been at the institute for about a year. They were eight and six, and both of them were doing pretty well despite their parents losing custody of them from continued problems with substance abuse. They were likely moving into a fostering situation by the end of the summer, but they had been here a bit longer than normal because they were bonded together and making that accommodation took patience and the right placement. According to Elsa, Stella’s teachers a few times had mentioned her shyness, especially when people brought up her home life. Malek was a seven-year-old boy from a similar situation, though his father was in the process of getting clean for his son. The institute was always cautious for replacement with parents who struggled, but if his father could demonstrate stability and stay clean a full year, the legal system would grant him custody again. Malek, understandably, had mixed feelings about going back, and Emma wanted to try and help him with those through this process. Carlos, meanwhile, was a rambunctious six-year-old who had been given up at birth. He was shaped by his status as an orphan, and had a few close adoption calls that ultimately fell through. Luckily, though, a new family with sincere interest and the means to take care of him was stepping up, and they had exactly eight weeks before the system would process their filing for adoption, a perfect amount of time to help Carlos with some of these image issues before he settled into his new home.

The final child in Emma’s care today, however, was Cecilia, or as the other children called her, ‘CeeCee.’ Cecelia was a newcomer to the institute, and at just barely five years old, she was the youngest in Emma’s group today. She was quiet and withdrawn, but given her background that was all to be expected. At such a young age Cecelia had already been through so much. When she was two her parents had tragically passed in a car accident, and she’d moved in with her grandmother. Her grandmother was loving and did everything she could for her, but she was in poor health, and was now in need of care herself. Emma wasn’t here on the day that Cecelia came to the foundation, but Elsa had mentioned it with tears in her eyes a few days prior.

“I’ve seen so much heartbreak in this job, but watching that little girl realize she was being left behind… It was awful. She cried so quietly and for so long. It took us weeks to get her to say anything at all.”

Even now Cecelia was always quiet. She’d blended in a bit more with the other children, but she wasn’t particularly bonded to any of them. She had grown to be more trusting of the adults, but not in a really promising way. With Emma she’d always been sweet and well-tempered, but Emma hoped that this process might help her, and might get her to a place where she could be better socialized and cared for.  The next few hours proved to be even more promising than Emma dared to hope. All five children not only had fun, but made good steps towards progress. They all confided a little bit in Emma and Elsa, and they all responded well to the method. When Emma asked them if they’d like to do this again in a few days, all five of them were thrilled, and little Cecelia, who was normally so shy, was the biggest shock of all. Over the course of the few hours she’d opened up so much to Emma, and by the end of the session she was holding Emma’s hand tightly, intent on going with her through her day. Emma was so happy to see this little girl doing so much better, and she had to admit she was invested in this child, perhaps more than any other she’d met so far at the institute.

“Do you think it’s all right?” Emma asked, motioning downwards, but not saying everything aloud. The last thing she wanted was for Cecelia to not feel wanted when she’d made such tremendous progress, but she was worried about what might happen if she grew too attached.

“This happens sometimes. Kids have a sense for safe spaces. She was already responding really well to you before,” Elsa said, crouching down and waving at Cecelia, sharing a soft compliment for the toy rabbit she was carrying with her today, which made the little girl smile and chirp out a gentle ‘Thank You.’ Even that little show of gratitude and the genuine smile was an improvement, and Emma felt a burst of pride seeing this young girl come out of her shell. “We’ll keep an eye on it, but I think it’s best to see where it goes. She’s showing no signs of dependency, and hopefully you’ll be the perfect gateway for her to let the rest of us in.”

Emma hoped that Elsa was right, and as everyone in the center gathered for lunch, Cecelia stayed close by. Emma did her best to stay attentive to all of the kids who choose to eat with her today, but she also wanted to lead this lost little girl towards others who may be her friends. She was making good progress with another five-year-old named Ava, who was eager to be friendlier with Cecelia, when Marie approached, appearing frazzled and a little shaken.

“Is everything all right?” Emma asked, careful to keep her words calm and her tone even so as not to scare the kids. Her instincts were that something bad must be happening, but Marie shook her head, quickly dispelling her of that notion.

“Everything is wonderful, dear. We just have an unexpected visitor – actually I guess visitor is the wrong word. He’ll be staying on here for a while to work with us all. It’s a bit unexpected, but I dare say it’ll prove a delight in the end, for us and for the children.”

“Who is it that’s coming?” Emma asked, and Marie looked poised to blurt something out, but then caught herself and weighed her words carefully.

“One of the members of the family who run the foundation.”

Emma now began to understand the sudden rise in stress. Whatever JR stood for, and whichever family it was that could afford to spend so much on these resources, they must be both terribly rich and powerful. Being so new here, Emma didn’t know any background about the endowment, but she hoped that whoever was coming would be a help and not a hindrance. Surely they’d come here and see how much good work was being accomplished. She hated to think they’d be coming to make cuts or roll back funding.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Emma asked and Marie shook her head.

“Oh no dear. You’re doing a wonderful job. This isn’t an assessment of any kind. I believe it’s a genuine act of charity. You see he’s been in the military, and now he’s come home. His family’s no doubt pushing him towards some kind of occupation, and he’s chosen this as his pursuit.”

Emma wanted to ask more, about if this mystery man had any experience with kids or why, even if he was so very rich, Marie displayed school-girlish enthusiasm at his coming, but the older woman moved on to handle something else. Instead Emma waved Elsa over and asked her if she knew the man who was coming.

“Of course I do, everyone knows him,” Elsa said, thoroughly adamant that this stranger was of some notoriety. Then her features softened and she took on a thoughtful expression. “Well I suppose we know of him. We’ve never met, you see. But it’s impossible not to know him.”

Emma nodded, but she was still somewhat surprised. To this point she hadn’t gathered a sense that the family who ran the endowment was exceedingly involved in the day to day of the center. But then again, Elsa had been here far longer than her, and so she probably needed to keep track of the important players who were their most generous donors. Emma could have remained hung up on the strangeness of it all, but instead her mind wandered to the few details she did know. He was a military man, newly home, and he was coming here to make a difference. She thought about that and what that meant, and she found that she already liked him, or at least his attitude. Serving in the armed forces meant a life of service – to come home from that and still want to help others was admirable, and she hoped it would provide a good role model for the children, no matter what his actual child life background might be.

From the window in the great hall where all of the children and staff took their meals, they could all see down the back drive where a second entrance to the center was located. At that moment three black SUVs began their ascent, and the children’s attention immediately perked up as they ran to the windows. Emma felt the growing anticipation at the new arrival, and she wondered why there would need to be three SUVs. It reminded her of the protective details that sometimes came in the city, when big time politicians made their way to city hall where she worked for some sort of meeting or photo op. But what would be the reason for such a display today? Why would anyone need one of those when coming to a children’s center? It was hard to grasp, but then she questioned her instinct. The men who exited from the vehicles weren’t in high profile suits. They were more casually dressed, just like any workers here at the center. She wasn’t able to see all of them, but soon enough there were voices in the hall. Marco and Marie greeted the newcomer, and Emma only caught a snippet of the conversation.

“We’re thrilled to have you here, Sir.”

“Killian, please.”

“Killian. Right, sorry. That may take getting used to.”

“Not a problem. We have time.”

Emma was caught up in the sound of the new voice. It was distant, but even from here she felt an impact at the gravel in the tone and the lilt of the accent. It washed over her, sparking a sizzling sensation that was foreign to her, and after weeks in this country she’d always found the accent pleasing, but never responded like this. She found herself wanting to know what this man looked like, to see what kind of appearance could go with a voice that enticing, but she was getting ahead of herself. What did it matter what he looked like? He was going to be a coworker, right? This was hardly the time or place to be interested in someone. Still her stomach swooped with the tell-tale flutter of butterflies and she shifted in her seat. The action, along with the new voice in the hall, sparked something in Cecelia to change from comfortable to tense. The young girl grabbed at Emma’s shirt, latching on for a sense of perceived safety. Emma’s heart reached out to this poor, sweet girl, and she took her hand gently, trying to assure her as swiftly as she could.

“It’s all right, honey. You’re safe here. I promise.”

“I don’t like strangers,” Cecelia said and Emma tried not to get misty eyed at the sense of uncertainty this little girl held so tight.

“I was a stranger once, wasn’t I?” Emma asked and Cecelia considered that before nodding. 

“But you’re nice to me. You read us stories and play us music. You’re my most favorite friend.”

“And you are my friend too, honey. So let’s wait and see what kind of person he is before we decide if we like him, okay? You never know – he could be your favorite too.”

Cecelia looked skeptical but ultimately agreed, and Emma was glad to have that sorted. She had been so focused on curtailing Cecelia’s worry that she forgot where they were. Now she noticed everyone else was standing, children and staff alike, so she helped Cecelia down from her seat and stood up herself. The sounds of people walking in played out around her, but Emma took a moment to make sure her young charge was settled before looking back up. She patted Cecelia’s hair and brushed her full brown curls from her face, with care. Only then did she look up. But when she did, she never could have expected what would happen. 

As her eyes took in the stranger, their gazes met, and she was struck by a sense of recognition and realization that she’d never felt before. Something clicked for her in that moment, in the first few seconds of their seeing each other, and her awareness grew stronger and stronger. So much bubbled up to the surface, emotions and feelings and desire and interest. It was like something was opened within her, and she felt drawn into this man and unable to resist. This stranger had blue eyes, intense but warm all at once, piercing in a way that they seemed like she knew them and they knew her. Instinctively she looked to the rest of him - Killian he said his name was - but it didn’t help her sense of disorientation. His face was remarkable, strong and sure. His hair was dark, and his figure was no doubt honed for the expectations of his years of military service. She felt herself taking him all in, and then caught herself and thought about what a scene she was making. This wasn’t appropriate. Oggling this man just because he was hot – okay more than hot, he was… god was it lame to say perfect – oh Christ she was doing it again. She needed to stop, but when she looked up at him, she caught him doing the same thing to her. It was incredible to feel his interest, and for a moment it was like the world stopped spinning so the two of them could find each other. 

Find each other? Jesus, Emma, get a grip. The thought ran through her head as Marco began to address them all.

“Everyone, this is our newest friend here at the institute, Killian.”

“You’re big,” a boy named Seamus called out, unceremoniously and for a beat Marco and Marie looked concerned, but Killian only laughed.

“You should see my brother.”

“Is he coming too?” Marie asked, looking like she might actually be done in by the news.

“No, ma’am,” Killian said with a small smile and Marie let out a sigh of relief. What was that about?

“Why do you stand so straight?” another boy asked and Killian explained.

“I was in the royal navy.” This was met by a chorus of oohs and aahs, from the girls and boys alike.

“Are you a good person?” someone asked, and only after a moment did Emma realize it was Cecelia. She was shocked at the display of bravery from her little companion, but then that was compounded by Killian’s movement towards them. He split his looks between Cecelia and her, but when he approached he crouched down so as to be eye level with the little girl.

“What’s your name, little one?”

“Cecelia.”

“Cecelia. That’s a beautiful name,” he said honestly and Cecelia swayed side to side a bit with the compliment. “Now as for your question, I certainly try to be good.”

“But you’re a stranger,” Cecelia said, looking at him with a furrowed brow, as if this was some kind of simple math he should understand.

“For now I am. But not forever, I hope.”

“My Emma was a stranger too. She’s a good person. Are you like my Emma?”

Now Killian rose to full height and he addressed Emma as much as he did Cecelia. “I do like her.” Emma’s heart skipped and then she watched his face shift in embarrassment as he realized what he said. “I mean I hope I’m like her, lass. But only time will tell.”

“Miss Emma, does time talk?” Cecelia asked and Emma bit her lip to keep from laughing as her eyes caught Killian’s again.

“No, honey. It’s an expression. It means that with a little bit of time you will know if he’s a good person. You just have to be patient.”

The look Killian gave her in that moment was packed with so much. Gratitude, interest, and something more. There was a charge between them that she just couldn’t deny, and she could tell he felt it too. But before he could say anymore, Marco called everyone’s attention again.

“Anyone have any ideas as to how we should welcome Killian?” he asked and a chorus of answers came flooding in.

“I know! I know! We should show him our giving tree.”

“No! We should show him our playground!”

“I want to show him my pirate ship!”

“We should feed him the turnovers Cook makes. She hides them in a secret spot but I know where they are!”

“Well that all sounds brilliant, especially the turnovers. Why don’t we do all of it?” Killian asked, before looking to Marco who nodded readily. The kids looked excited, and were eager to go, but before things got too crazy, Killian looked back at Emma and grinned.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Emma.”

And with that, and with so much swag and sexiness it made her a little dizzy, this mysterious new man set off, throwing himself into the deep end with these kids, and showing them all that he could hold as own, just as surely as he could hold her attention.

Post-Note: So there we have it! I know, I know, you’re probably mad I kept their meeting so short and waited until the very end, but next chapter I am planning to include this first meeting from Killian’s POV. This story, as much as any of my stories can, has a bit of a slower build, because there are a lot of elements I really want to include, but I promise there’s plenty of fluff in store and a lot of cuteness that yet to come. Thank you all so much for reading, and I really hope you’ll leave a comment or a review. I’d love to see what you all think and what you’d like to see going forward in this new fic. Anyway, I will do my best to update soon (probably next weekend), but in the meantime I hope you’re all well, safe, and happy in this uncertain time!

[scottspack]

My Wife Has An 18 Hour Drive Fic Rec Roundup

I wanted to make a fic rec post for the insane amount of Untamed fic ive been reading anyways, and Chi @got2ghost​ is driving halfway across the country tomorrow, so there’s no time like the present to put all of the really great fics ive read over the past couple of weeks in one location! Let’s get it poppin!

Ones That Chi Already Read:

A Lot of Edges Called Perhaps by hansbekhart (Wangxian, E, 21k)

The funny part is - and it is a little funny, even if Wei Wuxian has no one left to share the joke with - they never have. Not anything. He has never kissed any part of Lan Zhan besides his slim hands; never been even partially undressed with him anywhere besides a miserable, xuanwu-infested cave. It’s always been like this between them, this simmering need, this desperate understanding: a knowledge so deep that it lives somewhere in his bones, that if he wanted to have Lan Zhan he could have him, and if Lan Zhan wanted Wei Wuxian he could have that too. But they never have.

I found this fic on someone’s blog when they said that it was the definitive fic to read directly after finishing the series so i saved it, read it directly after finishing the series, and felt completely and wholly fulfilled by the resolution found in this fic. 10/10 cant recommend enough. 

One Rouge Spark In My Direction by hansbekhart (Lan Wangji/Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan E, 5k)

He’d thought, in Yueyang, that they’d seen something in each other, something familiar. That maybe they’d recognized something in him. But it’s been many years, and many things have happened since, and he’s guessed wrongly at other people’s hearts before. Lan Wangji looks back down at the table, at his steaming, bitter tea. He’ll beg if he has to.

In “A Lot Of Edges Called Perhaps” Wangji mentions that he has had sex before and this is the in-universe story of that time and WHEW BABY!!!! AHHHHHH!!!

Gathered Herbs & Sweet Grasses by hansbekhart (Laz Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)

Later, when he’s older, it’s this that A-Yuan will remember most: the stretch of silence, the two of them both dirty and shaking with fever, as he looked at Brother Rich, and Brother Rich looked back at him.

This is a fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui from when he brings him back from the Burial Mounds until they bring Wuxian back to Cloud Recesses after he’s resurrected. It made me cry about 18 times and I consider it fully canon in relation to the show. I reread this fic at LEAST once a week. *chefs kiss*

Seldom All They Seem by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 25k)

or, one hundred and thirty-three principles of the Gusu Lan, pertaining to the state of marriage

***

He bows to Wei Wuxian, sword in hand, sleeves falling properly. Wei Wuxian bows in return, and the sect leaders begin the opening courtesies, and for all of ten minutes Lan Wangji is under the impression that he is betrothed to a boy who is perfectly normal and acceptable apart from an unfortunate tendency to fidget with his clothes.

That impression does not last.

A canon-divergent fic exploring “what if Wangji and Wuxian were betrothed from when they were young like Yanli and the peacock?” It’s extremely good and very compelling and also made me cry multiple times. (The confrontation in the rain doesn’t get any easier even if they’re betrothed!)

Half Cloak & Half Dagger by Fahye (Lan Xichen/Meng Yao, E, 13k)

Jin Guangyao lifts his head and smiles. "I'm considering a problem."

"Can I be of any assistance with it?"

He drops a kiss on Lan Xichen's chest. With the nail of one finger he lightly traces the characters for irony on Lan Xichen's side. "Not this one, er-ge."

In the “Seldom All They Seem” universe but focused on xiyao. Has hands down the best written characterization of meng yao in any fic ive read so far. I continuously come back to this fic just to read the absolutely genius way this author writes the Head Bitch In Control of the cultivation world.

Hurricane by gdgdbaby (Wangxian, E, 6k)

"Haven't you heard?" Nie Huaisang replied, clicking his tongue, though he was clearly pleased that he could be the one to break the news. He leaned in to announce with a dramatic flourish: "Lan Wangji just took emergency family leave this past weekend."

WANGXIAN AS SPIRK STAR TREK PON FAR AU!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEEWOO WEEWOO WEEWOO!!!!!!!! This was actually recced to ME by CHI and I have not stopped thinking about this fic for a full month. It’s like author gdgdbaby sat down one day and was like “Tumblr user Liv Scottspack deserves everything she wants in this life.” and then wrote this fic. Thank you author gdgdbaby, I love you.

Ones That Chi Has Yet To Read:

My Age Has Never Made Me Wise by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 63k)

“We hear that His Excellency might be married by summer’s end,” the merchant’s wife says and Wei Wuxian freezes, his heart in his throat. “The Gusu Lan sect has been buying enough red silk and brocade that the merchants in Caiyi can’t satisfy the demand.”

He feels himself grow brittle inside, like a flick of a finger to his temple might make him shatter. His ears are ringing.

“Who’s the lucky bride?” he asks despite himself. His tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth.

Or: The story of a marriage.

I LOVE THIS FIC. The absolute best kind of slow burn and I think such an extremely accurate representation of the canon material. I’m always surprised by the authors in this fandom’s ability to write shit that is so concretely grounded in the universe. This could and should be a real companion novel. Amazing. I love it.

The Year of Drought by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 24k)

Wei Ying could not be contained by the walls of the Cloud Recesses, alive again and overflowing with it, bursting like a dam in spring with the force of two lives unspent. And so he had to go. Lan Wangji understands that—he understood it when Wei Ying told him of his plans, looking at Lan Wangji above the rim of his cup with an apologetic smile, like craving freedom was something to apologize for.

Wei Ying would go, and Lan Wangji would see him off; this has always been the only way it could be.

Or: In the absence of Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji waits.

The previous fic but from Wangji’s perspective. Absolutely required reading if you read the other one. Wangji baby.......i love you.....

A Civil Combpaign by Ariaste (Jin Ling/Lan Sizhui, T, 20k)

“And,” said one of the pompous ministers, “there’s the matter of a marriage to consider as well!”

Jin Ling, who at the beginning of that sentence had expected to slam into the very last wall of his patience and lose his temper entirely, paused. “A what?”

Thing was… it wasn’t such a bad idea.

Jin Ling gets it in his head that as sect leader he should get married and sets his sights on Lan Sizhui. I cannot stress enough how FUCKING CUTE this fic is!!! Sizhui being the best boy! Jin Ling having more uncles than he knows what to do with! Jiang Cheng being the worst at relationship advice! It’s so fucking good it love it so much.

Anyway, Here’s Wuji by kakikaeru (Lan Jingyi/Lan Sizhui, T, 18k)

The melody gets a little clearer when he breaks out of the trees, and Jingyi changes course with certainty, barreling down the back hill and through the Cloud Recesses, dodging scandalized disciples left and right. He throws open the doors to the Receiving Hall without announcement and bows nearly double, eyes on the floor instead of on the shocked faces of the Mei delegation and the impenetrable gaze of the Chief Cultivator.

"Forgive this disciple," Jingyi shouts, because he's going to get punished for rule breaking regardless. "From the back hill, Hanguang-jun, there is a song in the wind!"

Lan Jingyi comes of age.

A Jingyi-central fic about Jingyi growing up and falling in love and being a hero and being the second best boy of my heart right after Sizhui. Not only is this fic sweet and romantic but it’s another one that explores a lot of interesting things within canon and all of the supporting characters are written very well and are just as interesting as second best boy Jingyi.

Ok, JiuJiu by kakikaeru (Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen, T, 16k)

Uncle's jaw works in the way that suggests he's about to say something irredeemable. Jin Ling, in a move of diplomacy he hopes the Chief Cultivator appreciates, distracts him with spicy food and his favourite subject: the incompetence of his own officials.

"I hear the lakes in the south east are having drainage problems?" he asks nonchalantly, sticking three big slices of braised pork belly into his Uncle's bowl.

Jin Ling just wants to get through the Discussion Conference with his Sect, his dignity, and his heart intact.

A follow up fic to “Anyways, Here’s Wuji.” I LOVE the Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen dynamic of Jin Ling having been raised by Jiang “I keep all my emotions right here and then one day I’ll die” Cheng being hopelessly charmed and smitten with Ouyang “President of the I Love Love Romance Novel Book Club” Zizhen! I LOVE IT! EXTREMELY CUTE!

This Side of Paradise by greenfionn (Wei Wuxian/Wen Qing, E, 3k)

Wei Wuxian does some very quick math in his head that goes something like this: He is pretty sure he’s in love with Lan Zhan - Lan Zhan is not here and likely never will be here - Wen Qing is here, not to mention very hot and let us not forget, actually interested in sex with him - there’s a solid chance he goes genuinely crazy or dies, or both, in the next few months and really, who wants to die a virgin?

Listen.......the fic premise is “Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing, noted bisexuals, figure life sucks enough at the Burial Mounds, they might as well have any fun they can before they die” and........I Am Looking Directly At It. It features Wen Qing bossing Wei Wuxian around and Wei Wuxian’s canon he-wants-to-be-pregnant kink. It’s........I liked it.

To The Act of Making Noise by words-writ-in-starlight (Lan Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)

His father in white plays the song late into the night, and when A-Yuan wakes up confused and afraid, the guqin lulls him back to sleep.

Lan Sizhui hears his father play the same song every night for his whole life, and never, ever get an answer.

Another very moving and heartwarming fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui and Sizhui figuring out Wangji’s past and then eventually reconnecting with Wei Wuxian. It’s cute and soft and Sizhui is my best boy!

History (Proud To Call Your Own) by words-writ-in-starlight (Wen Ning, G, 5k)

“A-Yuan? Um—Lan-gongzi,” Wen Ning corrects, trying to set a good example. The children are young, seven and eight, exactly a dozen of them lined up in two crisp lines of tiny blue and white robes. Wen Ning can feel them staring at him, even though most of them have already mastered that Lan trick of neutrality. The smallest, a little girl with liquid dark eyes, is clinging to her nearest shijie’s sleeve and half-hiding. “Can I—what can I do for you?”

Wen Ning gets himself recruited for services, while he and Sizhui are visiting Cloud Recesses. Wei Wuxian gets a fan club.

Set in the same universe as “To The Act of Making Noise,” a very cute fic about Wen Ning finding his place in the post-canon world and being proud of his cousin Sizhui and being the world’s best substitute teacher. As the official Wen Ning Fan Club President, I had to include this.

Lan Sizhui's Guide to Courtship by Kimblydot (Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi, T, 23k)

In which Jingyi is a little oblivious, Sizhui is patient (and should have said something in the beginning), and everyone else is resigned to watching them dance around each other for far longer than necessary.

(Or: five things Sizhui tries to do in his courtship, and the one time Jingyi realizes there was one happening in the first place.)

I’ll stop describing fics about the juniors as being “cute” when they stop being SO FUCKING CUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Grow by cafecliche (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, T, 14k)

“Okay,” Jingyi says, as Sizhui puzzles this out aloud. “Okay! So the demon has been turning its victims into children.”

“I think so,” Sizhui says.

“To make them easier prey,” Jingyi says.

“Yes,” Sizhui says.

“So—” Jingyi’s voice cracks here, “this kid is Senior Wei.”

Wei Wuxian, still tangled in his own massive robes, blinks politely at them.

(Or: Wei Wuxian is cursed on a night-hunt, and the junior quartet rapidly finds themselves in over their heads.)

What I expected to be a goofy, silly fic turned out to be extremely emotional and made me FULLY CRY! It’s a very moving fic about Sizhui coming to understand himself and Wei Wuxian a lot better AND features all of the juniors arguing over who’s turn it is to hold 6 year old Wei Wuxian. A true win/win of a fic.

Your Name, Safe In Their Mouth by astrolesbian (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, G, 10k)

“You’ve got a fever,” Wei Wuxian says soothingly. “You just keep still as well as you can. We’ll have you fixed up soon.”

Lan Sizhui recognizes his tone—this is the voice that Wei Wuxian uses on hurt people and young children, a very calm and no-nonsense voice that has none of the mischief and cheer of the way he sounds the rest of the time. Lan Sizhui looks up and meets his eyes, and they are dark, stormy gray, muddled and concerned.

“I’m all right,” he croaks.

“Hush,” Wei Wuxian says, in a low croon, like someone quieting a baby. Then he blinks, and looks away, awkward. “I mean—you shouldn’t speak. You’re tired. Rest if you need to.”

or: lan sizhui gets sick on a night hunt. wei wuxian comforts him. they both have a lot of feelings about it.

The Wei Wuxian and Sizhui bonding fic that I so desperately desperately needed to read. Scratched the very particular itch of “but have they REALLY talked about what it means that they’re reunited after 16 years???”

Stainless by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 6k)

"I'm starting to feel," says Lan Xichen, "that this was a counterproductive suggestion."

Wei Wuxian looks down onto the pristine, tranquil cold springs of the Cloud Recesses. Sitting in the water, their bare shoulders rising like dumplings carefully spaced in a steaming-basket, are a large number of Lan disciples.

"They seem to be doing better," he says, encouragingly. "If they--oh, no, I see what you mean."

At the near bank, someone has pressed someone else against the rocks and is kissing them frantically.

It’s smut! What is getting into a new pairing if not an excuse to read sex pollen in new and exciting ways!

Sweet Night by thejillyfish (Wangxian, E, 10k)

It was like coming back to life again, like being restitched into existence, cell by cell, nerve by nerve. From the surface of his skin to the marrow of his bones, everything new and purposeful. Like being pulled back from oblivion into an embrace of pure light. A feeling of absolute asylum.

That’s what it felt like, to realize Lan Wangji was in love with him.

In-show au of “what if they just admitted they’re in love and fucked during episode 43?” Soft and romantic and hot!

Shadows In The Sun Rise by Yuu_chi (Wangxian, E, 25k)

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, voice slow and a pitch too quiet. A second later Wei Wuxian understands why. “I cannot hear.”

Or; Lan Wangji is cursed into internal isolation. Their ability to understand one another remains as unwavering as ever.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. I have been thinking about this fic nonstop since I read it. It is.....fucking incredible. One of the best qualities of wangxian is that they’re so in tune with each other and able to work so cohesively with little communication and this fic is like “what if we take that and DIAL IT UP TO ELEVEN” and i was like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! 

WHEW OKAY that’s enough for right now!

I’m constantly reading new fics all the time so maybe eventually I’ll make a second one if Chi actually reads/likes any of these (they’re picky!), or if anyone else likes this list and wants updates.

TO CHI: Thank you for getting me into The Untamed! I love you! I had the best time texting you every thought that passed through my head while I watched it. I’ve loved all of the content you’ve sent me from the book and the comic. I’ve loved making fun of Yibo with you. I’ve loved being your fic taste tester. Life sucks right now but at least we have wangxian!

TO EVERYONE ELSE: If you read any of these fics please come to my DMs and talk to me about them! I have a lot of feelings and love to cry over fics! Thank you!

[deadlydreamin]

okay time for me to ramble about how much i love bts and how much those seven boys mean to me (this is actually a whole 2,390 word fucking essay so you can probably ignore this lmao):

for starters i want to talk about their talent. they have worked so hard as trainees and since their 2013 debut, and a lot of people seem to think they’re overrated. they have worked their asses off to get where they are today and they are always setting new records (or the army is for streams and shit) and doing things never done before when it comes to kpop. members like jin, who started off as a bighit actor with no singing/dancing talent - his vocal coach (and anyone who had heard his vocals from 2013 to now) says that instead of improving, that he’s completely transformed after probable years of staying up until 3am practicing. this is also shown with hoseok, who was meant to be a vocalist and main dancer but instead a rapper and main dancer - he worked hard (with the help of yoongi and namjoon) to learn HOW to rap, and again, if you compare cypher pt 1 to cypher pt 4, there’s a massive improvement in his rap. all of the members work so hard and have natural talent and i just- they deserve to be where they are today. 

i also want to mention each of the members and what they’ve taught me.

starting with worldwide handsome kim seokjin, he’s taught me that hard work and perseverance will get you where you want to go in life. like i said, his vocals have completely transformed and he can sing notes higher than the sky [see his crystal snow triple high note, it gives me chills everytime], and his vocals have become so stable now while performing and i am proud of him. in his wings album solo, awake, he also expresses how he feels that he isn’t as talented as his other six members, and i can relate to this - i also feel inadequate compared to nearly everyone else around me. the bridge also makes me cry a little bit because it’s just- holy shit man. he’s also like the mum of bts, despite his love of cracking dad jokes whenever he can. 

min yoongi, my ultimate bias. he is someone i look up to and aspire to be. yoongi is an incredible producer, lyricist, and rapper, and i could go on and on about his skills. he also works incredibly hard making music and his rapping is no joke, especially in cypher pt 2, 3, and his mixtape are brilliant. more than this, he talks about his struggles with anxiety (social) and depression, and especially his mixtape song the last - a lot of his songs on the mixtape have amazing lyrics, and specific instances of something happening that was incredibly personal to him. despite struggling with his issues, he has kept going, and when i ever get down, i think of how he has learned to love himself, and that i am capable of this too. also i think i relate to him most on a lot of levels - he’s the tired grandpa of the group, but can be silly and fun when he’s with hoseok. he has a hard time showing how much he cares for the others and isn’t as touchy as the other members tend to be, but he still does show he cares in subtle ways and i also can relate to this, because i often have no fucking clue as to how i should express my emotions. he looks like someone that could beat the shit out of you but is actually a big ol’ softie on the inside and he constantly says shit that makes me go “wow, same.” going back to his rap again, yoongi can rap fucking fast, but still can put so much energy behind his verses while doing it - he often builds up, he will go off and rap so fucking fast you question whether this man has lungs, and then go back - all the while you can tell he puts his entire being into his rap, if that makes sense. he also has a wide range - he can go from a kind of harsh, fast rap to a slower, smooth one (compare his verse of cypher pt 2 to seesaw - though seesaw does have his great vocals in it too, the change in his voice is remarkable). 

your hope, your angel, j-hope. jung hoseok is an insanely talented dancer and rapper, and like the other members works so hard. his rapping, like i said, has improved over the years and he’s incredible now. his dancing has always been amazing to look at, because unlike jimin, who was also a dancer pre-debut, he did a lot of hip-hop based dance and he can express literally all of his emotions in his movements which i think is incredible. his vocals are also amazing and bighit needs to give him more vocal lines (like in blood, sweat and tears. that shit gets me every time). he is definitely the member who bias wrecks me a lot and i love his sunshine attitude. he’s a ball of joy and an angel (but also his fancam for that no more dream dance break does actually murder me) and his random outbursts and the fact he is also such a meme makes him lovable too. he’s taught me that i should always have a positive attitude to life and that it makes other people feel good too. hoseok has this effect on the other members (i believe it is referred to as ‘mood setter’ or something?), especially yoongi, where the other members may feel down but hoseok just has to be his extra self and they start smiling - like, yoongi will go from being tired and grumpy. place him in a room with hoseok? they’ll be goofs together and it’s the cutest shit (okay this is supposed to only be about hoseok but i do love me some sope content and i’m gonna go on about them here for a little bit longer). yoongi and hoseok are my two ult biases out of the various groups i listen to, because the two together create this chaotic energy and i love it - see the sope me behind the scenes duet bangtan bomb on youtube. those two are so chaotic in that video. 

the kim namjoon himself. he’s the leader, rapper, and also produces/writes songs for bts. he’s also fluent in english due to watching friends, yet again he has an iq of 148 so he can do pretty much anything. namjoon is the glue that holds bts together - he does a good job of it, too, with sorting out solutions to disagreements and comforting the members when they need it most. if seokjin is the mum of bts, namjoon is the dad. namjoon has taught me that it is important we learn to love ourselves. his two mixtapes are different, particularly with the overall sound and tone of each mixtape - rm has a very hip-hop/rap sound, and is quite aggressive, while mono. is calming and very relaxed and reflective. i listen to rm when i’m feeling aggressive, and mono. when i need to relax or calm down (it is one of three things that helps me relax before going to sleep and also good to listen to after i’ve had a panic attack or something). i feel a particular connection with moonchild, from mono. the message namjoon portrays throughout the song is something with a calming sound, but also something that offers some encouragement to me when i need it, especially the chorus: “moonchild, you shine, when moon rise, it’s your time/moonchild, don’t cry, when moon rise, it’s your time” 

park jimin. his high vocals are incredible and his high notes also give me goosebumps. he has a beautiful dance style that is unlike hoseok’s, as it is more contemporary/ballet focused and his movements reflect this. he has gone through hating his looks and becoming anorexic because of this, and i think that he is doing so much better now (i am talking him not eating a full, proper meal for upwards of ten days). he’s still quite self critical, and hates whenever he makes a small mistake, but i think that he puts so much work into making sure his performance is always perfect that he doesn’t always take care of himself, and that’s what i have learned from jimin - take proper care of yourself, and you should never have to hate your appearance because others develop high expectations for you. again, he works so hard to make sure he has a perfect performance every time and i commend him for this, but also he tends to overwork himself a lot and i’d love for him to take a week off at some point where he can just relax a bit more. he definitely deserves it. 

kim taehyung. i think of the whole vocal line, his vocals are my favourite. he has a wide vocal range, going from notes lower than my not achieved grades to notes higher than the sky (stigma and singularity are great examples of this) - i can also actually sing his parts as i have a lower range and when i can sing a few lines with taehyung, i always feel good. like yoongi, tae can change and influence his rapping “voice”, taehyung can do a similar thing - he can be low and smooth with some high notes, and then suddenly he goes raspy and it’s fantastic (again, singularity vs war of hormone). the other three vocalsists can make their voices rough and raspy, but taehyung i think does it especially well, and it suits his incredibly low notes. despite his low voice, he’s actually got the personality and mental age of a child 99% of the time and to see him on and off stage is certainly interesting lmao. i would also like to add that he too is quite the meme (gucci boy) and he looks really good in a bandana/headband and i need more of that content in my daily life. taehyung was also behind the meaning of the army phrase “i purple you”, which means “i love/cherish/support you”, and whenever someone says that to me, i always feel great for the rest of the day. taehyung has taught me that bts do genuinely love us all and that as long as we support them, they will support us, and the shared love between bts and army. 

the golden maknae, jeon jungkook. jungkook’s vocals are great, and in all honesty i do miss and go back to bts’ older music purely for the reason of seeing this young lad as one, a fetus, and two, to hear him rap. he’s good at pretty much anything he tries, having a black belt in taekwondo and various other things, and he’s currently working hard to study and learn english so that namjoon isn’t the only fluent english speaker in the group. honestly i find the concept of namjoon helping jungkook with english wholesome and it brings a smile to my face. despite jungkook being thrown into fame at a young age, he’s stayed humble and a happy person and i think it goes to show that fame won’t always screw someone up if they have the right people around them. jungkook had six older boys who practically raised him from when he became a trainee (which he must have been 12-13 when he became a trainee) and they taught him well. i’ve learned that from jungkook - by surrounding myself with the right people (though he wasn’t willingly technically, i’m grateful he did have the boys there for him and i couldn’t see anyone else in the group), i can remain what is most important in life - staying happy and humble. 

bts has taught me several lessons in life, and i think that a lot of people dismiss them because they’re korean, because they’re overrated, because their music isn’t in english. what they seem to fail to understand is that emotion transcends languages, and that multilingual people do exist who translate lyrics for those who wouldn’t understand the entire song. even then, if you listen to the truth untold without english (or your native language) lyrics, you can still feel the sad vibes of the song. likewise if you listen to something like anpanman - you will feel the more positive energy and hype that the song conveys without the lyrics. a lot of people don’t want to listen to kpop because they might not understand what the songs are saying right away, but if you take your time and find music with messages you find inspiring and that impact you, it shouldn’t always matter what language the song is sung in, as long as you have a translated version that you can read and understand the basic message of the song. a lot of people wonder why bts has become so popular, and not just for their golden visuals, or their talent, but also the message they spread, especially with their love yourself album series - and it’s easy to see why after that. self love is something that many, many people struggle with and once people understand this message, people like bts because of this. people will listen to music that may not be in a language they speak because once they have seen/read the lyrics to the song in question, if the message stays with them, they will remember the message when they listen to the song, and just the association of the song and the message is enough for people to feel comfort from it. i am like this with magic shop - it is a song made specifically for the army, and about how we can take comfort in them when we are in pain/struggling/etc. the thought of this message enough while listening to the song makes me smile (and cry too lmao). 

anyways, i think this is the end of my rambling. goodnight y’all, and if you read this far holy shit, you are a champion.

[evanstanhoney]

Saved(part ii).//Vampire!Shawn

a/n: no one asked but here is the continuation of this one! this is a small request that quickly got out of hand(its another 2K)...but i really like the characters and couldn’t let them go. enjoy!

Saved Masterlist

It’s been eight days of Shawn being held up in your apartment and he’s sure he’s on the verge of insanity. The only person you knew that could make him a piece of daylight jewelry, had gone away on a trip leaving Shawn only able to leave your house once it was dark. He’d missed a whole week of classes, and he was almost positive he was going to lose his job.

You two would go out late at night, for a walk, or to one of the 24- hour stores to just walk around. With him being new, you made it a rule that you have him interact with as little people as possible. The fewer people he was around the smaller the chance of him hurting someone. And every time he’d complained about ‘being held hostage’ you tried to explain that to him, but it only seemed to make him more anxious.  

To make matters worse you were hardly ever home. You had a full course load of classes, plus work, so you were only with Shawn for about eight to ten hours of the day, and you felt terrible. But you were also annoyed.

Every day you came home to find empty blood bags strewn all over the floor of your apartment. You’d gone to the hospital to steal more blood bags in the last week for Shawn than you had in the last month for yourself. It was like leaving a puppy unattended all day just for them to make a mess. But he was so cute, you could never stay mad at him. You’d scold him, and he’d look at you with that adorable little pout and let him off the hook.

Yup. Exactly like having a puppy.

“Shawn you can't be drinking five bags a day.”

“Why not? I’m hungry.”

“Many reasons. But mainly because my connection at the hospital is going to end up fired, and then I’ll have to find a new place to get them. Which very difficult.”

“What do you expect. You keep me locked up all day, and I’m hungry. I’m a growing vampire you know.” He quips giving you a cheeky grin.

He was a charmer that’s for sure. But a charmer that was going to get the both of you in trouble.

“If you’re that hungry then, eat food. Normal food. It's not poison.” You say, shuffling around the apartment, picking up after Shawn. 

“Yeah but it’s not as good. And I have to eat a shit ton to feel a little bit satisfied.” He whines, throwing himself on the couch.  

That was only half true. Human food tasted amazing. With all your senses heightened you could taste every note of every spice. It wasn’t nearly as satisfying as blood, but it got the job done.

“Well, we can go to the store when it’s dark and get more food, because this,” you sigh, kicking his legs off your coffee table, holding up another empty bag you found under it “can't keep happening.”  

“You mean at 2 am. When the streets are empty.”

“I’m tired of only seeing you,” he grumbles under his breath, completely forgetting that you can hear him.

“What, I’m not fun enough for you?”  You smirk, but he only pouts more, “I know it sucks and I’m sorry but it’s -”

“Not safe. I’m a monster I get it.”

“Shawn - I never said that.” You assured, voice soft. 

You take a seat next to him on the couch, pulling his chin up to look at you.

“Hey, don’t say that about yourself. You’re not a monster Shawn,  just don’t know how to control your instincts yet.”

“I’m never going to learn if you don’t teach me, and how are you supposed to do that if you won’t even let me around people?”

You’ve never had to ‘teach’ a new vampire before and it was overwhelming. You didn’t want to completely fuck up and have him pick up on some horrible habits. Or end up hurting someone, because you didn’t say the right thing. You weren’t all that old yourself and felt nowhere qualified to help him. So yeah, you were holding off on teaching him because you were absolutely terrified.

“Alright, some friends and I are going to see a movie and maybe drinks afterward tomorrow night around eight. You can come along.”

“Really?!” He gasped, eyes bright.

It was the first time you’d seen him smile, really smile.

“Are they like people, real people, or are they like us?”

He's still not used to the idea of calling himself a vampire. And calling other people human was too bazaar to say out loud.

“James is a vampire, older than me but we’ve been friends for decades.”

Shawn raised his eyebrows, surprised. You had told him that there were more of you in town. More than people would think, but he didn’t think that you would be such good friends with one. He was excited to meet him, to finally meet someone like him.

You hoped that having James around would help him. Someone, he could better relate to, since everything you told him went in one ear and out the other.

“Piper is a witch, she’s the one who’ll make your daylight ring.” you smiled.

“Oh, thank god!”

“But Maddie and Logan are human.”

“And they know?”

“Yeah. They’d been friends with Piper for years, so they knew about the supernatural before they met me.”

He nodded his head like he was listening but he was still beaming at the news.

He was finally going to leave the house! At normal hours. He was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet like a kid on Christmas.

“There are rules Shawn. You have to stay with me the whole time. No wandering off, and if you feel even a little bit...off. Tell me.”

“Yeah sure, okay!”

“Shawn this is important, okay.” You say, voice stern.

As if he’d actually listen to you.

“I know. Thank you!” He leans over and wraps you in the tightest hug.

You were just happy to see him happy.

                                                        …..

You gave him the same speech on the way to the theater, all he did was nod and smile, foot bouncing up and down. You made sure he ate plenty before you left as a precaution. You knew he’d be okay, especially with James there, but you were still nervous for him.

Once you buy your tickets you go outside, and see everyone talking amongst themselves in the lobby. Before you reach them, you spot Piper eyeing Shawn up and down.

Here we go.

“Everyone. This is Shawn. Shawn this is everyone.”

Everyone says their hello’s and James and Shawn start some small talk when you feel piper leaning into you, linking your arm with hers.

“You didn’t tell me he - “

“Piper,” you cough, looking giving her a tight-lipped smile. “let’s go get popcorn. Guys, we’ll be right back.”

You yank her away and start making your way to concessions, and you see Shawn move to follow.

“No, stay, and talk. We’ll be two seconds.” You smile.

His eyes go wide, but nods biting his lip. He was talking big leading up to tonight, but he had anticipated you being with him the whole time. You all he’s known since he’s turned and even though you were just a few feet away, he felt lost.

You were nervous to leave his side as well, but having James there helped. If anything were to happen James could handle him.

You aren’t even in line at concessions before Piper is gushing about Shawn.

“So that’s little boy lost, huh?”

“He’s got a name.” You smirk, rolling your eyes.

You told her about Shawn the moment, you first brought him up to your apartment, and she’d been dying to meet him since.

“He’s cute.” She noted, waiting for you to take the bate, “Come on, don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.”

“Piper, I just met him.”

“You saved his life, and you’ve been shacked up at your place for the last week. I think you know him enough.” She laughed, looking over her shoulder at Shawn.

“I am being nice.” you insist, fidgeting with the necklace around your neck.

She’s still got a cheeky smirk on her face, eyebrows raised.

You roll your eyes, stepping closer to her, lowering your voice to a near whisper. “He doesn’t have anyone. If I don’t take care of him then... this town is going to have a new wave of animal attacks. And I don’t want that blood on my hands.”

“Then why’d you turn him?”

“It was an accident.” You groan.

“That’s a little more than an accident, hun.”

You’re about to order your food when you feel it.

Your whole body is vibrating, like you’ve had ten cups of coffee, your throat burns, and there’s an anxiety that you’ve never felt. You turn to look at Shawn who’s standing next to James, biting his nails.

Something's wrong.

You leave Piper in line and rush over to Shawn who’s only seems to get worse in the two seconds it took for you to get to him.

“Shawn?” You questions, hand resting on his back.

He jumps at the contact.

“Hmh?”

“Are you okay?”

He gives you a quick nod, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Excuse us.”

You take Shawn by the elbow away from your friends, hiding behind one of the movie displays. “You’re lying to me.”

He shakes his head quickly again, eyes cast down on his shoes.

“You’re hungry.” You accuse, but he still won't look at you.

“No ‘m  not.”

“I can - feel it.” that gets his attention, and he looks at you, eyebrows knitted together.

“I don’t know how it works either but I know your lying.”

It’s like everything he’s feeling is being transferred to you. You’ve never seen anything like it before, but you’re happy about it now.

“You need to breathe, Shawn okay?” You keep your voice as calm as you can, stepping closer to him.

“I can't. It’s too much. Can hear it…pumping.” He huffed, running a hand through his hair.

You can feel him getting more anxious, and then you see his fangs come through. You were trying your best not to panic, you were dealing with all his emotions, the last thing you needed was to make him more anxious. But this was bad.

You reach out and take his hands into yours.

“I know but Shawn - hey look at me. You have to block it out.”

“How?” He whines. It’s starting to physically hurt, and he doesn't know what to do. But he’s scared and wishing he’d just listened to you. That he’d stayed in your apartment because you were right. He wasn’t ready.  

“Find something else, another sound or scent and focus on it. The popcorn popping, people talking, the cars outside. Anything else.”

“I’m trying. It won’t stop!” he mumbled through gritted teeth.

You place your hands on either side of his face and force him to look at you.

“Close your eyes, okay? Now deep breathes.”

He closes his eyes and he follows your breathing, slowly for a few moments until you can feel him start to relax, his fang retracting back into his gums.

“There ya go,” You let out a deep breathe just as relieved. “See, you’re okay.” You smile, running your fingers through his hair.  

He presses his forehead to yours and it despite it being quite intimate, it doesn’t feel awkward at all.

“Thank you.”

“Are you ready to go back out now?”

“Yeah.”

You untangle yourself from him but takes your hand, linking your fingers with his.

“It helps.” he explains, eyes on your hands linked together  “Touching you. It calms everything down.”

You gave him an understanding nod and gave his hand a light squeeze. Not concerned in the slightest what your friends would think,  and fully prepared for Piper’s stares.

No matter how much smaller you were than him, you felt so protective of him. You couldn’t explain it, but you were going to do everything you could to help him and make him feel safe.

masterlist // tell me what you think? // requests?

[jarmes]

Birdcage Chapter XIII

Masterpost -  Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

Mistakes, or: the story told at dinner

A few days after the night we stood waiting for Camazotz to attack, the Knights gathered at the palace to receive a speech from the king. Only the bare minimum Knights were left guarding the wall. The Squads stood in lines in front of the castle. Our line was the shortest.

King Tasciovanus walked out onto a balcony overlooking the crowd. His two retainers, Johnson and Reynolds, stood behind him. The Knights bowed when we saw our King. He smiled and began his speech.

“A few nights ago marked the tenth anniversary of the great purge,” he said in a hollow voice. “Each and every one of you, I would wager, lost someone on that fateful day. I personally lost my dear wife Dietlinde. Our hearts, torn asunder by that fateful day, have beaten as one ever since.”

“We have spent much of the past decade cowering in fear, waiting for the next evil to threaten our great Kingdom,” the King continued. “Many of us feared the return of the vampire wars. But, the anniversary of his latest death passed without incident. Allies of ours in the Southern Seas have confirmed that the fortress on Mist Spire Island is empty. The Vampire King is dead, for good this time. Now we can start to move on.”

The King stepped back, and Firebrand Johnson took his place. “Okay, here’s the deal,” Johnson said as he took the stage. “After the Abrumian Crusade, we decided realized we didn’t have enough manpower to survive another large scale military operation. We’ve spent the last six years hidden behind these walls, stockpiling men and resources. In doing so, we made ensured Cieleta would survive in the event the Vampire King returned.”

“Holding back has come with its own problems,” Firebrand continued. “The treasury is nearly empty. Worse, we still haven’t reclaimed any of the land lost in the Purge. We don’t have enough farmland to provide for our citizens, and have been forced to buy food from other nations. At first, this wasn’t an issue; but, like I said, the treasury is empty now. We estimate that we can survive for another six months before we run out of food. Now that we know we Camazotz isn’t going to be a problem, we can use our military might to fix this problem”

“Enter the Reclamation Project, a plan to begin reclaiming the world outside these walls. Our first target is Stonecage, a mining town on the border of the Naitumon Mountains. The tunnels beneath Stonecage are rich in gold, iron, magic crystals, things that can save Cieleta. If we can reclaim Stonecage and set up a safe route between it and the Capital, our troubles will be over.”

“We’re sending a large expedition team, comprised of approximately half of the Knights, to Stonecage in three weeks. Captains will be informed in advance if their Squads will be needed. Preparations will begin immediately.”

We discussed development as soon as we returned to the barracks. “A journey outside the wall, to reclaim a fallen city and save the Kingdom,” Cas said. “It sounds-”

“Insanely dangerous,” Pollux interjected.

“I was going to say exciting, but I guess you aren’t wrong.”

“I’m not too worried about the Reclamation Project,” Sterling said. “Lest you forget, we’re considered by many to be the weakest Squad. Someone has to stay behind and handle wall duty. Don’t be surprised when that’s us.”

“We aren’t that pathetic,” I said. “We managed to put up a pretty good fight against that Eric guy.”

“Correction, we managed to survive long enough to watch that Eric guy run away,” Sterling said.

I strapped my sword to my back, preparing for a shift guarding the gate. “Hey Ernest, you up for a round of sparring tonight?” Pollux asked.

“Can’t. I have dinner with my grandfather once a month. Otherwise, he worries,” I said.

“Your grandfather, the vampire slayer?” Cas asked.

I shrugged. “I guess,” I said.

“It must be awesome, having someone so cool as a grandpa,” Cas said. “I bet he tells you all sort of cool stories.”

I rolled my eyes. “There’s a finite amount of stories Grandfather knows. I lived with him for ten years. It gets old after a while,” I said.

“Poor you, having a loving family member who wants to spend time with you,” Pollux snarked. “It sounds unbelievably horrible.”

“If you want, you guys can come along and meet him for yourself,” I said.

“I’d love to!” Cas said.

“Don’t be so intrusive,” Pollux shouted while elbowing in his brother in the ribs. “Ernest deserves to spend time alone with his family if he wants to.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t want to come,” Cas shot back.

“I mean, I do, but I’m not going to be pushy about it,” Pollux muttered.

“Really, it isn’t any trouble,” I said. “Sterling, do you want to come?”

“I mean, if everyone else is going, I suppose I could stop by,” he said.

That evening, the four of us showed up at Grandfather’s house. Anna answered the door. She eyed us over for a minute before turning and shouting. “Grandpa, Ernest and his friends are here!” she yelled.

“Distract our guests for a few minutes while I finish dinner!” Grandpa shouted back.

Anna stood in the doorway, not moving or saying anything. “I’m, uh, Castor,” Cas said. “It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?”

“Anna,” she replied.

“Can we come in?” Pollux asked.

“I don’t know, can you?” Anna asked.

I shoved past Anna, leading my friends into my old home. “Welcome to our house,” I said. “It isn’t much, but it’s home.”

Pollux and Castor looked side, at walls covered in hanging paintings of monsters. “Interesting interior decorating,” Pollux muttered.

“Grandpa paints a lot,” Ernest said. “It helps him with his nightmares.”

“Speaking of nightmares,” Anna said. “Ernest used to-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence!” I shouted.

“Ernest used to get really bad nightmares,” Anna said. “Like, wake up with soaking sheets every night level of bad nightmares.”

“Anna, you’re embarrassing me,” I muttered.

A few minutes later, Grandfather came out with several dishes full of food and a large bottle of ale. “Sorry if there isn’t enough food for you boys,” he said. “The prices have been a bit high recently.”

“It’s more than enough, sir,” Cas said.

We all sat down and dug into the food. Anna ate in her room. “Now, I know Ernest pretty well and I met MacDonald a few months ago, but I haven’t been properly introduced to you two,” Grandfather said while taking a sip of ale.

“I’m Pollux and my brother’s Cas,” Pollux said.

“I thought you two looked alike,” Grandfather said. “How do you like being a part of Squad V?”

“It’s great, sir,” Cas said.

“You know, I was the Captain of Squad V for a number of years. I could tell you a few stories from the good old days, if you’d like.”

“We would like that very much, sir.”

“Okay, here’s a good one for you,” Grandfather said, beginning a story I’d heard a dozen times before. “My Squad and I were traveling between the islands surrounding the Vampire King’s base, Mist Spire Island, when a magical fog surrounded our boat. We couldn’t see five feet in front of us. That’s when it struck.”

“A large bat-like creature, with massive black wings and pointed teeth, descended on our boat, picking us off one by one,” Grandfather continued. “Calvin did his best to keep us safe, but it wasn’t enough. The beast with too quick, and the fog kept us from seeing it as it flew by.”

“What did you do?” Cas asked.

“I closed my eyes and waited. As the beast drew close, I heard the sound its wings made as it glided through the air. With a single swing, I cleaved the beast in two, saving my Squad.”

“Wow, you’re so cool, Mr. Zuckerman,” Cas said. “I hope I can be like you when I’m older.”

“Don’t worry, kid, your story is just beginning. I’m sure there’re great things in your future” Grandfather said. “For example, I heard that Calvin hired you two after you helped Ernest and MacDonald fight off a dark mage.”

“I mean, Ernest and Sterling did most of the work,” Cas said.

Shortly afterward, we heard a knock on the door. We opened it to find Captain Cross, with a dark look on his face. “Hello Jim, might I come in and talk to my Squad?” Cross asked.

“Of course, Calvin. Why don’t you stay for dinner?” Grandfather said.

“I can stay, but I’m afraid I may ruin your meal with bad news,” Cross said. “I just finished up a meeting with the other officers about the Reclamation Project.”

“So, are we going to Stonecage?” Pollux asked.

“Firebrand Johnson requested that I personally go along, due to the defensive capabilities of my verse, while you four stay here and continue watching the gate,” Cross said. “Of course, I told them that I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my Squad alone, especially after what happened eight months ago.”

“So we aren’t going to Stonecage?” Pollux asked.

“Well, the thing is, Firebrand may have misinterpreted my request,” Cross said. “He decided to send all four of us to Stonecage.”

The reaction to this was mixed. Excitement from me and Cas, worry from Cross and Pollux, and a mix from Grandfather. Sterling stayed silent. “Don’t worry, James, I’ll ensure that these boys stay safe during the Stonecage mission,” Cross said. “Ernest, Castor, Pollux, and Sterling are under my protection.”

“Sterling, that’s MacDonald, right?” Grandfather asked. “You know, I must’ve heard someone call him Sterling sometime before now, but it only just clicked in my head. Your name is Sterling MacDonald, isn’t it?”

“It is, sir,” Sterling muttered.

“I’ve heard of a knight named Sterling MacDonald. You wouldn’t happen to be him, would you?” Grandfather asked.

“Depends on which Sterling MacDonald you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about the one that received a lot of attention ten years ago. The one that became a Captain at the age of nineteen.”

“Wait, Sterling was a Captain?” Cas asked.

“Are you the Sterling MacDonald I’m thinking of?” Grandfather asked.

“I am,” Sterling said quietly.

“I thought so. You’re the infamous traitor, aren’t you?” Grandfather said.

“That’s quite enough, James,” Cross said.

“What’s he talking about, Sterling?” Cas asked. “What does he mean, the infamous traitor?”

“If you’d stop interrupting, maybe we’d find out,” Pollux said.

Sterling stood up. “I think it would be best if I left, Mr. Zuckerman,” he said. “Thank you for inviting me into your home.”

“Sterling, wait,” I said.

Sterling walked away, ignoring me. The door slammed behind him. I turned back to Grandfather. “What was that?” I asked.

“Your friend never told you about his past, did he?” Grandfather asked.

“I don’t care about his past,” I said. “Sterling’s my friend. He’s saved my life on multiple occasions.”

“Doesn’t really wipe away the people he doomed though, does it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I know you know a lot about the Purge, Ernest. Did you ever hear about the Dark Duo’s inside man who helped them pull it off? What if I were to tell you that Sterling was that inside man?”

Cross slammed his fist down on the table. “That is enough, Jim,” he said. “If you have problems with MacDonald, take them up with me. I hired him because I trust him and know he’s a good man. I don’t know what kind of rumors you’ve heard, but I assure you, they’re false.”

Grandfather glanced at his bottle of ale and sighed. “Maybe I’ve had a little too much to drink,” he muttered.

I left after that. I found Sterling sitting on top of the wall, looking out over the empty plains. “Hey,” I said as I climbed up.

“Hey,” Sterling said.

“When we first met, you said that you made some mistakes when you were younger and ruined your reputation,” I said.

Sterling sighed. “It’s a long story,” he said.

“I’ve got time.”

Sterling looked at the night sky for a moment. “It’s a full moon tonight,” he said. “That’s funny. It was a full moon on the night before the Purge, too.”

“Grandfather said you were responsible for the Purge. Is that true?”

“The magic, the planning, the execution, I wasn’t a part of that. But I played my roll in it, I suppose.”

“Why don’t you start at the beginning?”

“The purge didn’t begin as a hurricane. It started with the flapping of a single butterfly’s wings, that grew into a nightmare. The King’s dead wife, Dietlinde, she belonged to a bloodline containing powerful magic. Black and Darkholme sacrificed her to begin the Purge.”

“And your role in all this?”

“Back then, I was a novice Captain. The queen was doing a tour of the Kingdom, visiting various villages damaged by the raids. My Squad was put in charge of guarding her. The night before the Purge, a mercenary hired by Darkhomle attacked us on the open road. I was the only member of my Squad he spared.”

“I’m sorry,” I muttered.

“After the Purge, the King didn’t take kindly to my survival,” Sterling said. “A lot of people thought I betrayed the Knights, that my survival was a gift from Darkholme for my cooperation. The King wanted to execute me for my crimes. Calvin, an old friend of mine, stopped him.”

“Did you betray the Knights?”

“Do you count failure as an act of betrayal?”

I placed my hand on Sterling’s. “Do you remember what I told you, when we woke up in the hospital? I told you that I’d help you restore your reputation,” I said. “I’m not about to break that pact because of a few mistakes.”

“You’re a good man, Ernest. You deserve better than me.”

[earwaxinggibbous]

Eminem - Worst to Best

So I was watching theneedledrop and thinking I could do this too. That’s all the prefacing you’re gonna get.

I know it’s hard to believe I can judge Eminem from an objective standpoint considering I’m such a big fan that I ranked Kamikaze as my favorite hit song of 2018 (my actual favorite song was probably When You Die by MGMT or Stop Smoking by Car Seat Headrest for the record) but I am able, physically, to have negative opinions even about the rap god himself.

My only rule is that this only includes his full-length studio albums. Infinite won’t be here due to my lack of knowledge regarding it, but everything else is fair game. This will be heavily opinion-based.

Let’s go and start from the worst!

9. Revival (2017)

Initially I was gonna put Encore below this one. After all, in my opinion, there’s nothing egregiously awful about Revival in my mind. It just sort of existed to me, like that dead roach that stayed in my high school’s gym for over a month before disappearing without a word about it. 

It wasn’t until I gave a few of the tracks a re-listen that I realized Revival has nothing going for it. This is Em’s sellout album, the one where he collabs with Beyonce, Ed Sheeran and goddamn X Ambassadors in the vague hopes that it’d get him a hit. Songs that don’t bother having clever writing because all they need to do is slap a semi-important pop singer on the hook.

It’s easily Em’s most ballsless album. In a universe where Kill You and Same Song & Dance exist, there is no need for Framed, Em’s almost saddening attempt to return to his Slim Shady roots even though, let’s be honest, the years of Shady are long behind us.

I’m not saying I need Em yelling slurs and talking about murder every five seconds, I just want him to be, for lack of a better word, the most authentic version of himself he can be. And this really isn’t it to me. No amount of politics or wordplay can hide that this is a sham of what an Eminem album should sound like. I don’t need diss tracks, or songs about serial killing, I just want him to say what he wants and not hold back.

Everything about the album is weak and tired. Every song melds into one another, without thought or purpose, only broken up by the celebrity hooks that define them. It’s the blackest mark on Em’s discography, and easily his worst album to date. Not even worth sneezing at.

8. Encore (2004)

I guess we shouldn’t let Em do whatever he wants...

Encore has the opposite problem that Revival does, and it’s a problem I empathize with. Encore is essentially word vomit in album form. It’s the musical equivalent of Jack Kerouac’s spontaneous prose, loud and incoherent and kind of gross. It’s what happens when ambition goes unchecked, and Em just leans a little too far into what the media says about him.

This was also deep in the throes of Em’s drug abuse problem, and it shows. This album feels like a bad drug trip, sludgy and gross and heavy, in a way that makes it hard to move your arms and legs. With these absolutely god-awful sung choruses on songs like My First Single, Eminem dares you to make less sense than him as he rambles like a crazy person through song after song, only taking breaks from his half-attempts at comedy on tracks like Mosh, Like Toy Soldiers and Mockingbird, which try to be serious. But it’s hard to be serious when you’re essentially getting choked in a soup of valium and regret.

I don’t hate Encore like I do Revival, because in some ways I can understand where it comes from. It’s trying to do the same sort of thing its predecessors did, with silly songs and serious ones. But the funny songs are so weird and frankly gross that it quashes any attempt of seriousness. It’s like Eminem thought the only way to make his songs better were to take what his detractors hated about him and turn it up to 11. Songs like My First Single are complete nonsense complete with gut-churning sound effects and a shitty beat, whereas Just Lose It, a song I’m ashamed to admit I enjoy, fills itself with baseless offensiveness and weird reference humor to function. And that was the big hit single off of this album.

Really I think Just Lose It was the best way to sell this album. What says Encore more than a song insisting that Eminem diddles little boys? FACK would’ve been in place on this album, which is not a compliment.

7. Recovery (2010)

Recovery shares a lot of problems with Revival, a lot of radio-bait songs featuring pop artists that have no business being within ten feet of Eminem. But I’ll admit its singles were far superior to that of Revival. No Love was far superior to anything Revival spat out.

I just kinda don’t care about this album. Other than how Love The Way You Lie was permanently ingrained in the cultural consciousness around 2010, I have very few thoughts about it. I remember hearing most of the singles when I was in elementary school, and they were all just kinda fine. Space Bound was okay (other than that coked up line about love being ‘evil’ spelt backwards) and Not Afraid was sincerely underwhelming considering what it was going for.

It’d been diminishing returns for Em for years, so I’m not shocked he needed some time to get back on his feet. But there’s just not much to say about Recovery. I feel like Em was a lot prouder of it than anyone else.

6. Kamikaze (2018)

At some level, I feel like Kamikaze set itself up to fail. And it did pretty well in spite of that.

The album’s main selling point was that it was dissing everyone. Shady’s gonna name names, I remember hearing, as this album dropped right the fuck out of nowhere in the late summer of 2018. Diss track drama has never really been for me, since oftentimes it pits artists I like against one another over petty bullshit. And hearing that Em slammed people simply for disliking Revival only made me more nervous about what Kamikaze’s outcome would look like.

I’m glad to say it was not nearly as bad as I was expecting.

I’m sort of on the fence about this album. While I think it is punchy, and pretty fun lyrics-wise, it definitely doesn’t hold a candle to any of his older stuff. It doesn’t even really hold up against MMLP2. It’s less that I enjoy this album, and more that I enjoy the possibility of Eminem managing to pick himself up after Revival and move into the new age while still being himself.

Easily the worst moment on this album is Eminem calling Tyler the Creator the f-slur and even implying he’s pretending to be gay, which he has since apologized for. However, the scariest thing to me that the line represents is the possibility that Eminem’s personality is too anachronistic. That in an era of young-adult trap rappers with very experimental homemade beats, there’s no longer room for a famous, albeit angry man in his 40′s being backed by a studio. It’s the years of Soundcloud, where anyone can be a rapper, and someone as old and frankly polarizing as Eminem may never truly have the limelight again.

Em’s style has simply fallen behind the times and he will never be content with updating himself, because that isn’t who he is. And while I love that about him, I think it might speak disaster for his career.

I like the songs though.

5. The Marshall Mathers LP 2 (2013)

Now we’re getting into the good shit. The Marshall Mathers LP 2 starts off with a bang, the first song being Bad Guy, a direct sequel to Stan and an incredibly powerful sequel at that. Eminem asks questions about his fame, his identity, and most notably, he fucking gets murdered at the beginning of this album.

MMLP2 strips off all but one skit. No Paul Rosenberg cameo on this one. This was him getting serious after the relative failure of Encore and Relapse. This was, frankly, what Recovery should’ve sound like. With Berzerk being a fun sort of party hit, Rap God is what really got him back on the map. The song asserts his lyrical dominance. It is a brag track, and it earns that right.

Despite it being of incredibly high quality, this is nowhere near Em’s best work, which speaks highly for his track record. The fact that something this well-made is comparatively mediocre when put next to the top four is incredible to me. This album is more of a revival than Revival was. It’s Eminem reaching out of the dirt after being buried and yelling “Hey, I’m not dead yet!” It’s the hearbeat running through a comatose body as they return to consciousness.

But when it comes down to it, I love what this album represents to me more than its content. Aside from Berzerk, Bad Guy and Rap God, none of the songs really stand out either way. It’s all good, of course, but none of it can match up to his older work. Regardless, this album means a lot to me on a spiritual level. Whenever I listen to this I feel like a proud parent, and Em is my son who just completely crushed his elementary school talent show.

It’s a good feeling.

4. Relapse (2009)

At this point it was sort of like picking my favorite child. My number one is obvious, but deciding how to order these three was trouble.

People will probably argue with me saying that Relapse is one of Em’s best, but fuck that. This album is severely underrated among the fanbase, and is an incredibly powerful listen. This album is an auditory representation of rock bottom, in the best way possible.

This is one of the only albums to really define a split between Marshall and Slim Shady, with Slim being a deep-voiced demon and Marshall being a fucked-up middle-aged man who just came staggering out of a rehab center. The way the characters play off of one another is beautiful, Slim trying to manipulate Marshall into his ways and wiles. This also easily has the most horrorcore-type sound and content out of any Eminem album, with Slim occasionally playing the role of a serial killer, such as on 3 am or one of the standout tracks, Same Song & Dance. Insane tells a story possibly regarding Slim’s father, or maybe representative of something else entirely.

One of my few issues with this album, aside from We Made You of all things being one of the singles, is that one of the best tracks is only on the deluxe edition. My Darling ties off the Slim and Marshall story in a nice little bow, plus Careful What You Wish For sweeping up all the themes and putting them in one place.

This album is beautiful, it’s cinematic in a way. It’s deep and powerful and incredibly, incredibly scary, with Em at his lowest point in his life and career. Sadly, it was not well-received critically, which I think is a shame. Clearly they weren’t seeing what I see.

3. The Eminem Show (2002)

Screw Revival, this is easily Em’s most politically powerful album yet. I listened to this whole thing on a boombox I got at Best Buy for 20 dollars and I felt like I had fucking transcended.

This album pulls out all the stops, immediately starting out on White America, a song so goddamn strong that every time little me heard it on the radio I immediately got down and lost my shit. I didn’t even understand what it was about, all I knew was that it was big and important. And it is.

While his first two big albums tried to be weird and threatening, The Eminem Show just wanted to be big, and talk about big things. Eminem fearlessly tears into heavily-charged concepts in White America, Say Goodbye Hollywood and Square Dance. Then on the flipside he aims the gun at himself on tracks like My Dad’s Gone Crazy, Cleanin’ Out My Closet and even Hailie’s Song. It’s a gut-punch of an album, this is where Eminem is truly fearless.

I’ll also say I feel this album is a little bit more accessible, weirdly enough, than Em’s earlier stuff. It’s much less crude and aggressive, but still carries his trademark style. It’s got the skits, he yells a lot still, but the topics are easier to swallow than his earlier albums. I’d say it’s a good entry-level Eminem album if you’re threatened by rape jokes and Em yelling the f-slur constantly. And unlike what Teens of Denial was for Car Seat Headrest, I feel like The Eminem Show manages to be that entry-level album without completely castrating Eminem’s lyrical content.

But even longtime fans can gain enjoyment from this album and how loud and proud it is, how fearless Eminem really is on this album. This one, more than anything, is the unfiltered Marshall Mathers experience. No filters, no jokes, just him and his daughter and Dr. Dre.

But easily the best part of this album is the DVD extras thing where you get a free episode of the Slim Shady Show. Fuck yeah.

2. The Slim Shady LP (1999)

The Slim Shady LP was Eminem’s first really successful work. It was also the first thing he ever put on a CD. Yeah, Infinite was on cassette only. And this album is fucking great. It’s a perfect debut for Eminem. It’s got his first big hit, My Name Is, and a myriad of other great tracks. It’s just good late 90′s rap, with fun beats and interesting lyrics. As much as I love SSLP, I don’t really like talking about it because... yeah, it’s good, I’m just never sure what else to say.

And that might make it sound like I like it less than The Eminem Show, but no, that’s not it. As much as I think political Em is great, I’ll forever prefer nasty rat boy Em any day. This is the Em that inspires me the most, the grody, crude one that reminds me of myself. Best tracks include 97 Bonnie and Clyde, Bad Meets Evil and of course My Name Is. This is also the only album where Ken Kaniff is played by Aristotle. There’s your fun fact for the day.

1. The Marshall Mathers LP (2000)

FUCK everyone else, I respect YOU!

The Marshall Mathers LP is a defining rap album. It’s lyrical perfection, the hooks are god-tier, and it is without contest the best Eminem album of all time. I doubt he’ll ever top this, and if he does it’ll probably break space-time. 

MMLP ticks all the boxes an Eminem album usually should. It’s quirky, it’s comedic, it’s dark, it’s angry, it’s violent, it’s everything I could want and more. But beyond that, it’s the thing that really proved what Eminem can do. He can tell stories, he can do lyrics, he can flow, he has good beats, he can murder his ex-girlfriend, he can get his own songs censored on the uncensored version of his album, he can do it all.

The songs on this just put me in a good mood. Even though they’re horrible, and I don’t mean they’re bad songs. The content is absolutely fucked, this album is not for the faint of heart. But it makes me feel represented, not for being gay, trans, mentally ill or short, but for being a fucked-up weirdo who lived a fucked-up life and just wants to scream and lose his shit. More than anything, this feels like an album that’s there for me, for better or for worse.

The standouts on this album in my opinion are the two “named” tracks, Kim and Stan. These tracks are incredibly disturbing, but they both mean a lot to me and are incredibly written and acted. The Real Slim Shady is still an amazing single with an awesome, hopping beat. I’m Back is incredibly solid, Criminal is cleverly contradictory, every track on this album is great without any misses. If there were enough words in the English language to describe how much I love this album, I’d probably use all of them.

This album couldn’t exist today. If this came out today, it’d probably be thrown to the wayside for a myriad of reasons. It’s too late 90′s, it’s too dark, it’s “problematic”, we have like 500 white rappers now, but for the record: Anyone who writes this kind of music today owes it to Eminem, ESPECIALLY all of the white rappers who insist they’re better than him. (Looking at you, MGK.) Even if he’s not doing that great now, even if you don’t like him, it’d be foolish to not acknowledge what MMLP did for rap. And not only was it influential, but it still holds up to this very day.

So there you have it. All of Eminem’s full albums (besides Infinite oopsies) listed from worst to best. Have any differing opinions? Leave a reply. Just be polite, you filthy animal.

[grigori77]

2018 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 1)

30.  MANDY – easily the weirdest shit I saw in 2018, this 2-hour-plus fever dream fantasy horror is essentially an extended prog-rock video with added “plot” from Beyond the Black Rainbow director Panos Cosmatos. Saying that by the end of it I was left feeling exhausted, brain-fried and more than a little weirded-out might not seem like much of a recommendation, but this is, in fact, a truly transformative viewing experience, a film destined for MASSIVE future cult status. Playing like the twisted love-child of David Lynch and Don Coscarelli, it (sort of) tells the story of lumberjack Red Miller (Nicolas Cage) and his illustrator girlfriend Mandy Bloom (Andrea Riseborough), who have an idyllic life in the fantastically fictional Shadow Mountains circa 1983 … at least until Mandy catches the eye of Jeremiah Sand (Linus Roache), the thoroughly insane leader of twisted doomsday cult the Children of the New Dawn, who employs nefarious, supernatural means to acquire her.  But Mandy spurns his advances, leading to a horrific retribution that spurs Red, a traumatised war veteran, to embark on a genuine roaring rampage of revenge.  Largely abandoning plot and motivation for mood, emotion and some seriously trippy visuals, this is an elemental, transcendental film, a series of deeply weird encounters and nightmarish set-pieces that fuel a harrowing descent into a particularly alien, Lovecraftian kind of hell, Cosmatos shepherding in one breathtaking sequence after another with the aid of skilled cinematographer Benjamin Loeb, a deeply inventive design team (clearly drawing inspiration from the artwork of late-70s/early 80s heavy metal albums) and a thoroughly tricked-out epic tone-poem of a score from the late Jôhan Jôhannsson (Sicario, Arrival, Mother!), as well as one seriously game cast.  Cage is definitely on crazy-mode here, initially playing things cool and internalised until the savage beast within is set loose by tragedy, chewing scenery to shreds like there’s no tomorrow, while Riseborough is sweet, gentle and inescapably DOOMED; Roach, meanwhile, is a thoroughly nasty piece of work, an entitled, delusional narcissist thoroughly convinced of his own massive cosmic importance, and there’s interesting support from a raft of talented character actors such as Richard Brake, Ned Dennehy and Bill Duke.  This is some brave, ambitious filmmaking, and a stunning breakthrough for one of the weirdest and most unique talents I’ve stumbled across a good while.  Cosmatos is definitely one to watch.

29.  THE GIRL IN THE SPIDER’S WEB – back in 2011, David Fincher’s adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s runaway bestseller The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo became one of my very favourite screen thrillers EVER, a stone-cold masterpiece and, in my opinion, the superior version of the story even though a very impression Swedish version had broken out in a major way the year before. My love for the film was coloured, however, by frustration at its cinematic underperformance, which meant that Fincher’s planned continuation of the series with Millennium Trilogy sequels The Girl Who Played With Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest would likely never see the light of day. Even so, the fan in me held out hope, however fragile, that we might just get lucky.  Seven years later, we have FINALLY been rewarded for our patience, but not exactly in the fashion we’ve been hoping for … Fincher’s out, Evil Dead-remake and Don’t Breathe writer-director Fede Alvarez is in, and instead of continuing the saga in the logical place the makers of this new film chose the baffling route of a “soft reboot” via adapting the FOURTH Millennium book, notable for being the one released AFTER Larsson’s death, penned by David Lagercrantz, which is set AFTER the original Trilogy. Thing is, the actually end result, contrary to many opinions, is actually pretty impressive – this is a leaner, more fast-paced affair than its predecessor, a breathless suspense thriller that rattles along at quite a clip as we’re drawn deeper into Larsson’s dark, dangerous and deeply duplicitous world and treating fans to some top-notch action sequences, from a knuckle-whitening tech-savvy car chase to a desperate, bone-crunching fight in a gas-filled room.  Frustratingly, the “original” Lisbeth Salander, Rooney Mara, is absent (despite remaining VERY enthusiastic about returning to the role), but The Crown’s Claire Foy is almost as good – the spiky, acerbic and FIERCELY independent prodigious super-hacker remains as brooding, socially-awkward, emotionally complex and undeniably compelling as ever, the same queen of screen badasses I fell in love with nearly a decade ago.  Her investigative journalist friend/occasional lover Mikael Blomkvist is, annoyingly, less well served – Borg Vs McEnroe star Sverrir Gudnasson is charismatic and certainly easy on the eyes, but he’s FAR too young for the role (seriously, he’s only a week older than I am) and at times winds up getting relegated to passive observer status when he’s not there simply to guide the plot forward; we’re better served by the supporting cast, from Lakeith Stanfield (Get Out, Sorry to Bother You) as a mysterious NSA security expert (I know!) to another surprisingly serious turn (after Logan) from The Office’s Stephen Merchant as the reclusive software designer who created the world-changing computer program that spearheads the film’s convoluted plot, and there’s a fantastically icy performance from Blade Runner 2049’s Sylvia Hoeks as Camilla Salander, Lisbeth’s estranged twin sister and psychopathic head of the Spiders, the powerful criminal network once controlled by their monstrous father (The Hobbit’s Mikael Persbrandt).  The film is far from perfect – the plot kind runs away with the story at times, while several supposedly key characters are given frustratingly little development or screen-time – but Alvarez keeps things moving along with typical skill and precision and maintains a tense, unsettling atmosphere throughout, while there are frequently moments of pure genius on display in the script by Alvarez, his regular collaborator Jay Basu and acclaimed screenwriter Steven Knight (Dirty Pretty Things, Locke) – the original novel wasn’t really all that great, but by just taking the bare bones of the plot and crafting something new and original they’ve improved things considerably.  The finished product thrills and rewards far more than it frustrates, and leaves the series in good shape for continuation.  With a bit of luck this time it might do well enough that we’ll finally get those other two movies to plug the gap between this and Fincher’s “original” …

28.  ISLE OF DOGS – I am a MASSIVE fan of the films of Wes Anderson.  Three share placement in my all-time favourite screen comedies list – Grand Budapest Hotel, The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou and, of course, The Royal Tenebaums (which perches high up in my TOP TEN) – and it’s always a pleasure when a new one comes out.  2009’s singular stop-motion gem Fantastic Mr Fox showed just how much fun his uniquely quirky sense of humour and pleasingly skewed world-view could be when transferred into an animated family film setting, so it’s interesting that it took him nearly a decade to repeat the exercise, but the labour of love is writ large upon this dark and delicious fable of dystopian future Japanese city Megasaki, where an epidemic of “dog flu” prompts totalitarian Mayor Kobayashi (voiced by Kunichi Nomura) to issue an edict banishing all of the city’s canine residents to nearby Trash Island. Six months later, Kobayashi’s nephew Atari (newcomer Koyu Rankin) steals a ridiculously tiny plane and crash-lands on Trash Island, intent on rescuing his exiled bodyguard-dog Spots (Liev Schreiber); needless to say this is easier said than done, unforeseen circumstances leading a wounded Atari to enlist the help of a pack of badass “alpha dogs” voiced by Anderson regulars – Rex (Edward Norton), King (Bob Balaban), Boss (Bill Murray) and Duke (Jeff Goldblum) – and nominally led by crabby, unrepentantly bitey stray Chief (Bryan Cranston), to help him find his lost dog in the dangerous wilds of the island.  Needless to say this is as brilliantly odd as we’ve come to expect from Anderson, a perfectly pitched, richly flavoured concoction of razor sharp wit, meticulously crafted characters and immersive beauty.  The cast are, as always, excellent, from additional regulars such as Frances McDormand, Harvey Keitel and F. Murray Abraham to new voices like Greta Gerwig, Scarlett Johansson, Ken Watanabe and Courtney B. Vance, but the film’s true driving force is Cranston and Rankin, the reluctant but honest relationship that forms between Chief and Atari providing the story with a deep, resonant emotional core.  The first rate animation really helps – the exemplary stop-motion makes the already impressive art of Mr Fox seem clunky and rudimentary (think the first Wallace & Gromit short A Grand Day Out compared to their movie Curse of the Were-Rabbit), each character rendered with such skill they seem to be breathing on their own, and Anderson’s characteristic visual flair is on full display, the Japanese setting lending a rich, exotic tang to the compositions, especially in the deeply inventive environs of Trash Island.  Funny, evocative, heartfelt and fiendishly clever, this is one of those rare screen gems that deserves to be returned to again and again, and it’s definitely another masterpiece from one of the most unique filmmakers working today.

27.  VENOM – when Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man saga came to a rather clunky end back in 2007, it felt like a case of too many villains spoiling the rumble, and it was pretty clear that the inclusion of bad-boy reporter Eddie Brock and his dark alter ego was the straw that broke that particular camel’s back.  Venom didn’t even show up proper until almost three quarters of the way through the movie, by which time it was very much a case of too-little-too-late, and many fans (myself included) resented the decidedly Darth Maul-esque treatment of one of the most iconic members of Marvel’s rogues’ gallery.  It’s taken more than a decade for Marvel to redress the balance, even longer than with Deadpool, and, like with the Merc With a Mouth, they decided the only way was a no-holds-barred, R-rated take that could really let the beast loose. Has it worked?  Well … SORT OF.  In truth, the finished article feels like a bit of a throwback, recalling the pre-MCU days when superhero movies were more about pure entertainment without making us think too much, just good old-fashioned popcorn fodder, but in this case that’s not a bad thing.  It’s big, loud, dumb fun, hardly a masterpiece but it does its job admirably well, and it has one hell of a secret weapon at its disposal – Tom Hardy. PERFECTLY cast as morally ambiguous underdog investigative journalist Eddie Brock, he deploys the kind of endearingly sleazy, shit-eating charm that makes you root for him even when he acts like a monumental prick, while really letting rip with some seriously twitchy, sometimes downright FEROCIOUS unhinged craziness once he becomes the unwilling host for a sentient parasitic alien symbiote with a hunger for living flesh and a seriously bad attitude.  This is EASILY one of the best performances Hardy’s ever delivered, and he entrances us in every scene, whether understated or explosive, making even the most outlandish moments of Brock’s unconventional relationship with Venom seem, if not perfectly acceptable, then at least believable.  He’s ably supported by Michelle Williams as San Francisco district attorney Anne Weying, his increasingly exasperated ex-fiancée, Rogue One’s Riz Ahmed as Carlton Drake, the seemingly idealistic space-exploration-funding philanthropist whose darker ambitions have brought a lethal alien threat to Earth, and Parks & Recreation’s Jenny Slate as Drake’s conflicted head scientist Nora Skirth, while there’s a very fun cameo from a particularly famous face in the now ubiquitous mid-credits sting that promises great things in the future.  Director Ruben Fleischer brought us Zombieland and 30 Minutes Or Less, so he certainly knows how to deliver plenty of blackly comic belly laughs, and he brings plenty of seriously dark humour to the fore, the rating meaning the comedy can get particularly edgy once Venom starts to tear up the town; it also fulfils the Marvel prerequisite of taking its action quota seriously, delivering a series of robust set-pieces (the standout being a spectacular bike chase through the streets of San Fran, made even more memorable by the symbiote’s handy powers). Best of all, the film isn’t afraid to get genuinely scary with some seriously nasty alien-induced moments of icky body horror, captured by some strangely beautiful effects works that brings Venom and his ilk to vivid, terrifying life.  Flawed as it is, this is still HUGE fun, definitely one of the year’s biggest cinematic guilty pleasures, and I for one can’t wait to see more from the character in the near future, which, given what a massive success the film has already proven at the box office, seems an ironclad certainty.

26.  SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY – the second of Disney’s new phase of Star Wars movies to feature in the non-trilogy-based spinoff series had a rough time after its release – despite easily recouping its production budget, it still lost the $100-million+ it spent on advertising, while it was met with extremely mixed reviews and shunned by many hardcore fans.  I’ll admit that I too was initially disappointed with this second quasi prequel to A New Hope (after the MUCH more impressive Rogue One), but a second, more open-minded viewing after a few months to ruminate mellowed my experience considerably, the film significantly growing on me.  An origin story for the Galaxy’s most lovable rogue was always going to be a hard sell – Han Solo is an enjoyable enigma in The Original Trilogy, someone who lives very much in the present, his origins best revealed in the little details we glean about him in passing – but while it’s a flawed creation, this interstellar heist adventure mostly pulls off what was intended.  Like many fans of The Lego Movie, I remain deeply curious about what original director duo Phil Lord and Chris Miller could have achieved with the material, but I wholeheartedly approved Disney’s replacement choice when he was announced – Ron Howard is one of my favourite “hit-and-miss” directors, someone who’s made some clunkers in his time (The Da Vinci Code, we’re looking at you) but can, on a good day, be relied on to deliver something truly special (Willow is one of my VERY FAVOURITE movies from my childhood, one that’s stood up well to the test of time, and a strong comparison point for this; Apollo 13 and Rush, meanwhile, are undeniable MASTERPIECES), and in spite of its shortcomings I’m ultimately willing to consider this one of his successes. Another big step in the right direction was casting Hail, Caesar! star Alden Ehrenreich in the title role – Harrison Ford’s are seriously huge shoes to fill, but this talented young man has largely succeeded.  He may not quite capture that wonderful growling drawl but he definitely got Han’s cocky go-getter swagger right, he’s particularly strong in the film’s more humorous moments, and he has charisma to burn, so he sure makes entertaining viewing.  It also helps that the film has such a strong supporting cast – with original Chewbacca Peter Mayhew getting too old for all this derring-do nonsense, former pro basketball-player Joonas Suotamo gets a little more comfortable in his second gig (after The Last Jedi) in the “walking carpet” suit, while Woody Harrelson adds major star power as Tobias Beckett, Han’s likeably slippery mentor in all things criminal in the Star Wars Universe, and Game of Thrones’ Emilia Clarke is typically excellent as Han’s first love Qi’ra, a fellow Corellian street orphan who’s grown up into a sophisticated thief of MUCH higher calibre than her compatriots.  The film is dominated, however, by two particularly potent scene-stealing turns which make you wonder if it’s really focused on the right rogue’s story – Community star Donald Glover exceeds all expectations as Han’s old “friend” Lando Calrissian, every bit the laconic smoothie he was when he was played by Billy Dee Williams back in the day, while his droid companion L3-37 (voiced with flawless comic skill by British stage and sitcom actress Phoebe Waller-Bridge) frequently walks away with the film entirely, a weirdly flirty and lovably militant campaigner for droid rights whose antics cause a whole heap of trouble.  The main thing the film REALLY lacks is a decent villain – Paul Bettany’s oily kingpin Dryden Voss is distinctive enough to linger in the memory, but has criminally short screen-time and adds little real impact or threat to the main story, only emphasising the film’s gaping, Empire-shaped hole.  Even so, it’s still a ripping yarn, a breathlessly exciting and frequently VERY funny space-hopping crime caper that relishes that wonderful gritty, battered old tech vibe we’ve come to love throughout the series as a whole and certainly delivers on the action stakes – the vertigo-inducing train heist sequence is easily the film’s standout set-piece, but the opening chase and the long-touted Kessel Run impress too – it only flags in the frustrating and surprisingly sombre final act.  The end result still has the MAKINGS of a classic, and there’s no denying it’s also more enjoyable and deep-down SATISFYING than the first two films in George Lucas’ far more clunky Prequel Trilogy.  Rogue One remains the best of the new Star Wars movies so far, but this is nothing like the disappointment it’s been made out to be.

25.  AQUAMAN – the fortunes of the DC Extended Universe cinematic franchise continue to fluctuate – these films may be consistently successful at the box office, but they’re a decidedly mixed bag when it comes to their quality and critical opinion, and the misses still outweigh the hits.  Still, you can’t deny that when they DO do things right, they do them VERY right – 2017’s acclaimed Wonder Woman was a long-overdue validation for the studio, and they’ve got another winner on their hands with this bold, brash, VERY ballsy solo vehicle for one of the things that genuinely WORKED in the so-so Justice League movie.  Jason Momoa isn’t just muscular in the physical sense, once again proving seriously ripped in the performance capacity as he delivers rough, grizzled charm and earthy charisma as half-Atlantean Arthur Curry, called upon to try and win back the royal birthright he once gave up when his half-brother Prince Orm (Watchmen’s Patrick Wilson), ruler of Atlantis, embarks on a brutal quest to unite the seven underwater kingdoms under his command in order to wage war on the surface world.  Aquaman has long been something of an embarrassment for DC Comics, an unintentional “gay joke” endlessly derided by geeks (particularly cuttingly in the likes of The Big Bang Theory), but in Momoa’s capable hands that opinion has already started to shift, and the transition should be complete after this – Arthur Curry is now a swarthy, hard-drinking alpha male tempered with a compellingly relatable edge of deep-seeded vulnerability derived from the inherent tragedy of his origins and separation from the source of his immense superhuman strength, and he’s the perfect flawed action hero for this most epic of superhero blockbusters.  Amber Heard is frequently as domineering a presence as Atlantean princess Mera, a powerful warrior in her own right and fully capable of heading her own standalone adventure someday, and Wilson makes for a very solid and decidedly sympathetic villain whose own motivations can frequently be surprisingly seductive, even if his methods are a good deal more nefarious, while The Get Down’s Yahya Abdul-Mateen II is more down-and-dirty BAD as David Kane, aka the Black Manta, a lethally tech-savvy pirate who has a major score to settle with the Aquaman; there’s also strong support from the likes of Willem Dafoe as Curry’s sage-like mentor Vulko, Dolph Lundgren as Mera’s father, King Nereus, the ever-reliable Temuera Morrison as Arthur’s father Thomas, and Nicole Kidman as his ill-fated mother Atlanna.  Director James Wan is best known for establishing horror franchises (Saw, Insidious, The Conjuring), but he showed he could do blockbuster action cinema with Fast & Furious 7, and he’s improved significantly with this, delivering one gigantic action sequence after another with consummate skill and flair as well as performing some magnificent and extremely elegant world-building, unveiling dazzling, opulent and exotic undersea civilizations that are the equal to the forests of Pandora in Avatar, but he also gets to let some of his darker impulses show here and there, particularly in a genuinely scary visit to the hellish world of the Trench and its monstrous denizens.  It may not be QUITE as impressive as Wonder Woman, and it still suffers (albeit only a little bit) from the seemingly inherent flaws of the DCEU franchise as a whole (particularly in yet another overblown CGI-cluttered climax), but this is still another big step back in the right direction, one which, once again, we can only hope they’ll continue to repeat.  I’ll admit that the next offering, Shazam, doesn’t fill me with much confidence, but you never know, it could surprise us.  And there’s still Flashpoint, The Batman and Birds of Prey to come …

24.  THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI – filmmaker brothers Martin and John Michael McDonagh have carved an impressive niche in cinematic comedy this past decade, from decidedly Irish breakout early works (In Bruges from Martin and The Guard and Calvary from John) to enjoyable outsider-looking-in American crim-coms (Martin’s Seven Psychopaths and John’s War On Everyone), and so far they’ve all had one thing in common – they’re all BRILLIANT.  But Martin looks set to be the first brother to be truly accepted into Hollywood Proper, with his latest feature garnering universal acclaim, massive box office and heavyweight Awards recognition, snagging an impressive SEVEN Oscar nominations and taking home two, as well as landing a Golden Globe and BAFTA for Best Picture.  It’s also the most thoroughly AMERICAN McDonagh film to date, and this is no bad thing, Martin shedding his decidedly Celtic flavours for an edgier Redneck charm that perfectly suits the material … but most important of all, from a purely critical point of view this could be the very BEST film either of the brothers has made to date.  It’s as blackly comic and dark-of-soul as we’d expect from the creator of In Bruges, but there’s real heart and tenderness hidden amongst the expletive-riddled, barbed razor wit and mercilessly observed, frequently lamentable character beats.  Frances McDormand thoroughly deserved her Oscar win for her magnificent performance as Mildred Hayes, a take-no-shit shopkeeper in the titular town whose unbridled grief over the brutal rape and murder of her daughter Angela (Kathryn Newton) has been exacerbated by the seeming inability of the local police force to solve the crime, leading her to hire the ongoing use of a trio of billboards laying the blame squarely at the feet of popular, long-standing local police Chief Bill Willoughby (Woody Harrelson). Needless to say this kicks up quite the shitstorm in the town, but Mildred stands resolute in the face of seemingly overwhelming odds, refusing to back down.  McDormand has never been better – Mildred is a foul-mouthed, opinionated harpy who tells it like it is, no matter who she’s talking to, but there’s understandable pain driving her actions, and a surprisingly tender heart beating under all that thorniness; Harrelson, meanwhile, is by turns a gruff shit-kicker and a gentle, doting family man, silently suffering over his own helplessness with the dead end the case seems to have turned into.  The film’s other Oscar-winner, Sam Rockwell, also delivers his finest performance to date as Officer Jason Dixon, a true disgrace of a cop whose permanent drunkenness has marred a career which, it turns out, began with some promise; he’s a thuggish force-of-nature, Mildred’s decidedly ineffectual nemesis whose own equally foul-mouthed honesty is set to dump him in trouble big time, but again there’s a deeply buried vein of well-meaning ambition under all the bigotry and pigheadedness we can’t help rooting for once it reveals itself.  There’s strong support from some serious heavyweights, particularly John Hawkes, Caleb Landry Jones, Peter Dinklage, Abbie Cornish and Manchester By the Sea’s breakout star Lucas Hedges, while McDonagh deserves every lick of acclaim and recognition he’s received for his precision-engineered screenplay, peerless direction and crisp, biting dialogue, crafting a jet black comedy nonetheless packed with so much emotional heft that it’ll have you laughing your arse off but crying your eyes out just as hard.  An honest, unapologetic winner, then.

23.  RED SPARROW – just when you thought we’d seen the last of the powerhouse blockbuster team of director Francis Lawrence and star Jennifer Lawrence with the end of The Hunger Games, they reunite for this far more adult literary feature, bringing Jason Matthews’ labyrinthine spy novel to bloody life.  Adapted by Revolutionary Road screenwriter Justin Haythe, it follows the journey of Russian star ballerina Dominika Egorova (Lawrence) into the shadowy world of post-Glasnost Russian Intelligence after an on-stage accident ruins her career.  Trained to use her body and mind to seduce her targets, Dominika becomes a “Sparrow”, dispatched to Budapest to entrap disgraced CIA operative Nate Nash (Joel Edgerton) and discover the identity of the deep cover double agent in Moscow he was forced to burn his own cover to protect.  But Dominika never wanted any of this, and she begins to plot her escape, no matter the risks … as we’ve come to expect, Jennifer Lawrence is magnificent, her glacial beauty concealing a fierce intelligence and deeply guarded desperation to get out, her innate sensuality rendered clinical by the raw, unflinching gratuity of her training and seduction scenes – this is a woman who uses ALL the weapons at her disposal to get what she needs, and it’s an icy professionalism that informs and somewhat forgives Lawrence’s relative lack of chemistry with Edgerton.  Not that it’s his fault – Nate is nearly as compelling a protagonist as Dominika, a roguish chancer whose impulsiveness could prove his undoing, but also makes him likeable and charming enough for us to root for him too.  Bullhead’s Matthias Schoenarts is on top form as the film’s nominal villain, Dominika’s uncle Ivan, the man who trapped her in this hell in the first place, Charlotte Rampling is beyond cold as the “Matron”, the cruel headmistress of the Sparrow School, Joely Richardson is probably the gentlest, purest ray of light in the film as Dominika’s ailing mother Nina, and Jeremy Irons radiates stately gravitas as high-ranking intelligence officer General Vladimir Andreievich Korchnoi.  This is a tightly-paced, piano wire-taut thriller with a suitably twisty plot that constantly wrong-foots the viewer, Lawrence the director again showing consummate skill at weaving flawlessly effective narrative with scenes of such unbearable tension you’ll find yourself perched on the edge of your seat throughout.  It’s a much less explosive film than we’re used to from him – most of the fireworks are of the acting variety – but there are moments when the tension snaps, always with bloody consequences, especially in the film’s standout sequence featuring a garrotte-driven interrogation that turns particularly messy.  The end result is a dark thriller of almost unbearable potency that you can’t take your eyes off.  Here’s hoping this isn’t the last time Lawrence & Lawrence work together …

22.  WIDOWS – Steve McQueen is one of the most challenging writer-directors working in Hollywood today, having exploded onto the scene with hard-hitting IRA-prison-biopic Hunger and subsequently adding to his solid cache of acclaimed works with Shame and 12 Years a Slave, but there’s a strong argument to be made that THIS is his best film to date. Co-adapted from a cult TV-series from British thriller queen Lynda La Plante by Gone Girl and Sharp Objects-author Gillian Flynn, it follows a group of women forced to band together to plan and execute a robbery in order to pay off the perceived debt incurred by their late husbands, who died trying to steal $2 million from Jamal Manning (If Beale Street Could Talk’s Brian Tyree Henry), a Chicago crime boss with ambitions to go legit as alderman of the city’s South Side Precinct.  Viola Davis dominates the film as Veronica Rawlings, the educated and fiercely independent wife of accomplished professional thief Harry (a small but potent turn from Liam Neeson), setting the screen alight with a barely restrained and searing portrayal of devastating grief and righteous anger, and is ably supported by a trio of equally overwhelming performances from Michelle Rodriguez as hard-pressed mother and small-businesswoman Linda Perelli, The Man From UNCLE’s Elizabeth Debicki as Alice Gunner, an abused widow struggling to find her place in the world now she’s been cut off from her only support-mechanism, and Bad Times At the El Royale’s Cynthia Eriyo as Belle, the tough, gutsy beautician/babysitter the trio enlist to help them once they realise they need a fourth member.  Henry is a deceptively subtle, thoroughly threatening presence throughout the film as Manning, as is Get Out’s Daniel Kaluuya as his thuggish brother/lieutenant Jatemme, and Colin Farrell is seemingly decent but ultimately fatally flawed as his direct political rival, reigning alderman Jack Mulligan, while there are uniformly excellent supporting turns from the likes of Robert Duvall, Carrie Coon, Lukas Haas, Jon Bernthal and Kevin J. O’Connor.  McQueen once again delivers an emotionally exhausting and effortlessly powerful tour-de-force, wringing out the maximum amount of feels from the loaded and deeply personal human interactions on display throughout, and once again proves just as effective at delivering on the emotional fireworks as he is in stirring our blood in some brutal set-pieces, while Flynn help to deliver another perfectly pitched, intricately crafted script packed with exquisite dialogue and shrewdly observed character work which is sure to net her some major wins come Awards season.  Unflinching and devastating but thoroughly exhilarating, this is an extraordinary film (and if this was a purely critical list it would surely have placed A LOT higher), thoroughly deserving of every bit of praise, attention and success it has and will go on to garner.  An absolute must-see.

21.  JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM – Colin Trevorrow’s long-awaited 2015 Jurassic Park sequel was a major shot in the arm for a killer blockbuster franchise that had been somewhat flagging since Steven Spielberg brought dinosaurs back to life for the second time, but (edgier tone aside) it was not quite the full-on game-changer some thought it would be.  The fifth film, directed by J.A. Bayona (The Impossible, A Monster Calls) and written by Trevorrow and his regular script-partner Derek Connolly (Safety Not Guaranteed and JW, as well as Warner Bros’ recent “Monsterverse” landmark Kong: Skull Island), redresses the balance – while the first act of the film once again returns to the Costa Rican island of Isla Nublar, it’s become a very different environment from the one we’ve so far experienced, and a fiendish plot-twist means the film then takes a major swerve into MUCH darker territory than we’ve seen so far.  Giving away anything more does a disservice to the series’ most interesting story to date, needless to say this is EASILY the franchise’s strongest feature since the first, and definitely the scariest.  Hollywood’s most unusual everyman action hero, Chris Pratt, returns as raptor wrangler Owen Brady, enlisted to help rescue as many dinosaurs as possible from an impending, cataclysmic volcanic eruption, but in particular his deeply impressive trained raptor Blue, now the last of her kind; Bryce Dallas Howard is also back as former Jurassic World operations manager turned eco-campaigner Claire Dearing, and her His Girl Friday-style dynamic with Pratt’s Brady is brought to life with far greater success here, their chemistry far more convincing because Claire has become a much more well-rounded and believably tough lady, now pretty much his respective equal.  There are also strong supporting turns from the likes of Rafe Spall, The Get Down’s Justice Smith, The Vampire Diaries/The Originals’ breakout star Daniella Pineda, the incomparable Ted Levine (particularly memorable as scummy mercenary Ken Wheatley) and genuine screen legend James Cromwell, but as usual the film’s true stars are the dinosaurs themselves – it’s a real pleasure seeing Blue return because the last velociraptor was an absolute treat in Jurassic World, but she’s clearly met her match in this film’s new Big Bad, the Indoraptor, a lethally monstrous hybrid cooked up in Ingen’s labs as a living weapon.  Bayona cut his teeth on breakout feature The Orphanage, so he’s got major cred as an accomplished horror director, and he uses that impressive talent to great effect here, weaving an increasingly potent atmosphere of wire-taut dread and delivering some nerve-shredding set-pieces, particularly the intense and moody extended stalk-and-kill stretch that brings the final act to its knuckle-whitening climax.  It’s not just scary, though – there’s still plenty of that good old fashioned wonder and savage beauty we’ve come to expect from the series, and another hefty dose of that characteristic Spielbergian humour (Pratt in particular shines in another goofy, self-deprecating turn, while Smith steals many of the film’s biggest laughs as twitchy, out-of-his-comfort-zone tech wizard Franklin).  Throw in another stirring and epic John Williams-channelling score from Michael Giacchino and this is an all-round treat for the franchise faithful and blockbuster fans in general – EASILY the best shape the series has been in for some time, it shows HUGE promise for the future.

[insphoeration]

Her [Kim Namjoon]

Fandom: BTS ARMY 

Pairing: idol!Namjoon x fan!Reader 

Summary: Reader bumps into BTS while they are on tour in her hometown. And their faithful leader can’t stop thinking about her.

Warning: USING STAGE NAMES AT FIRST - until the character gets to know then. Cheesy and stupid because I’m now bangtan trash.

It started when your cousin took the aux cord. She asked if she could play a song and you said yes, the two of you had similar music so you knew she would play something good. She looked over at you eagerly as the music flowed through the speakers. You smiled and bopped your head to the music when you heard the beat. 

“Who is this?” You asked, when you couldn’t make out the words. 

“BTS.” She exclaimed excitedly. You narrowed your eyebrows at her, you eyes only leaving the road for a second. “It’s k-pop!” 

Your eyes widened and your mouth dropped. “No way!” That song and the other songs of the group she played was nothing like what you thought k-pop was 

That night you went home and did some research. It took a while before you learned their names and their most popular songs. Your life became quiet after that- other than being consumed by videos of the boys being dorks. It helped when your mom was in the hospital and all you could do was sit next to her for hours while she slept. 

It kind of seemed like fate when your cousin texted you that BTS was coming to your town, you knew how much she liked them and offered to go with her. By this time you knew how big they were and that getting tickets would be impossible but of all places they were coming to your hometown, that laughing stalk of your state, so you picked up a couple of extra shifts at work to be able to afford the tickets. 

It took you a while to actually buy them, there were more things you could have used the money for but you knew you would need something to look forward to for the next couple of months.  

The day that felt like it would never come finally arrived, you knew the area where the venue was in fact, you have been there too many times to count. You didn’t need to camp out because you bought seated tickets but still arrived early. You stood in line talking to some of the other fans, feeling slightly embarrassed that you were older than most of them but your cousin took your mind off of things. 

The concert was better than you imagined, the crowd was insane, so enthusiastic. Some of the girls around you gave you looks when you didn’t know the lyrics to some of their songs but you and your cousin still had a good time. The concert ended pretty late and everyone went home but you were full of energy, the walk to your ‘spot’ was not far and the weather was beautiful. Buzzing, you walked to the tea shop, giggling about how good your biases looked. 

The two of you sat down, drank tea, played cards and scrolled through social media before you knew it, the shop owners were telling you they were closing early tonight. You got up, confused, this time of year the shop is open until 3 am. You apologized hastily, if you knew you were running out of time you would have been out of their hair a while ago. 

Because the shop was closing, you weren’t expecting someone to be on the other side of the door. You head was turned, saying goodbye to the owners when you bumped into someone, sending you stumbling back. A hand reached out for you but just missed, your cousin stepped forward to grab you, catching you at the last minute. 

“I am so sorry!” You exclaimed, the hand reaching out to help you up. 

“You’re the one on the floor and you’re saying sorry?” Your breath caught in your throat. You knew that voice. You looked up to see none other than your bias in the flesh. You cousin looked up, dropping you in shock but thankfully RM had his hand around yours, able to hold you up. 

“I- uh- Yeah. I mean I didn’t see you there. I wasn’t paying attention, I’m so sorry.” You blurted, making him chuckle. 

“Let me buy you a drink as an apology?” He asked. You nodded, turning to walk back into the shop, your cousin’s mouth was still open, her eyes nearly as wide. You walked to the table you were just sitting at, everyone squeezed around as best they could even though they could have just joined another table. “So whats good here?” RM asked. Your cousin looked at you and the both of you giggled grabbing a menu. You have brought countless new people here so you had explaining the menu down to a T. 

“Where are you from?” J-hope asked slowly, you smiled at his effort to converse. 

“Here.” You said simply. 

“Really? So that means we’re at the good spot right?” He asked, some of the other boys nodded, the rest smiled, not really understanding. 

“Best place in town.” You grinned. You wanted to give them kudos on the concert but wasn’t sure if that would make you sound creepy, but your cousin beat you to it. 

“Great concert!” She blurted. You looked at her with wide eyes but it was already out there so you just nodded. 

“You guys were great.” You added. 

“You come to concert?” Jungkook asked. 

“It was amazing.” You smiled. They thanked you and you asked them if they had the chance to explore the town. It may have been your states joke but it had some beautiful spots. RM explained that they drove around a bit yesterday but they’ve mostly been practicing and after they relaxed a bit they were going to bed and around again tomorrow during the day. They had another show in your city two days from now and they they were leaving. You offered to show them something but the boys looked wary. You promised that not only was it not far but you would not get them into trouble. RM, Jungkook, and J-hope agreed, the rest were tired and went back to the hotel which was only a short walk away from both the place you were now and the place you were going to show them. 

It was a university building, because it was for students, it was open 24 hours a day however some of the classrooms were locked and there were camera’s and guards everywhere. When you walked into the main lobby, the security guard stood to question you but smiled when he saw what was in your hand. You handed him the cup of his favorite tea and he grinned. 

“12?” He asked and you nodded. He sat back down and you made your way to the elevator. 

On the twelfth floor there was a wall made entirely of glass, and from there you could see the entire city, sparkling with lights. The guys wowed in awe, making you smiled, you’d hoped you would get that reaction. 

“Sometimes my friends and I come up here to talk, sometimes we just sit and watch the city.” You smiled, looking out smiling to yourself when you saw familiar buildings. 

Jungkook nudged his hyung, motioning his head to their leader. J-hope could only see his back but through the reflection of the glass he could see his leader smiling at you. 

They took a few photo’s then Jungkook’s phone pinged and he sighed, showing it to his brothers. RM ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked softly. 

“The others got recognized and now there’s a mob at the front of the hotel.” He groaned. You knew BTS loved their fans, they wouldn’t have given you a second look otherwise but you also knew how exhausted they were. 

“No biggie, I know a shortcut.” You smiled. RM’s head snapped in your direction. 

“Seriously?” 

“Of course! All these old buildings are connected. We can just take the tunnels.” 

“Tunnels?” J-hope stepped forward. He didn’t know a lot of English but he knew tunnels were sketchy. 

“It’s not that bad! C’mon.” You lead them back to the elevator. From the basement, it was a ten minute walk past mostly empty hallways to the basement of the hotel. 

“This place is crazy!” RM said, walking beside you. 

“It’s not so bad once you figure everything out.” You shrugged and smiled for what felt like the hundredth time that night. 

“Thanks for doing this- going through all this trouble, you didn’t have to...” 

“Y/N.” 

“Y/N.” He repeated, smiling. “Namjoon.” He said, you nodded already knowing. 

The doors opened to parking 2 and you and your cousin got out, you were on such a high you forgot to thank them. 

The doors were about to close when Namjoon stuck his hand between them, nearly getting his had crushed. Multiple gasps and exclamations could be heard as the door stopped then opened again. 

“Are you busy tomorrow?” Namjoon asked. Your jaw dropped and so did the others. J-hope and Jungkook had no idea why their leader just nearly injured himself or lept out of the elevator. “It’s just that we might need a tour guide and after tonight I don’t know if anyone is going to be able to top you.” He said shyly. 

“Wouldn’t your staff had taken care of that a long time ago?” You asked. He shrugged. You took a pen out of your pocket and wrote your number on the back of his hand. 

“Figure it out then give me a call?” You giggled pushing him back into the elevator.

Namjoon couldn’t stop smiling, he hasn’t felt this way for a long time. He put your number into his phone instantly. Jungkook and Hoseok told the others about what happened as soon as they got to their floor. Namjoon was almost ready for bed when the other members invaded his room. 

“Whats wrong?” He asked, a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. But they all just stood and stared at him. He narrowed his eyes at his brothers. 

“Are you going to call her?” Jin asked. Namjoon almost choked on toothpaste. He shook his head, ducking into the washroom to rinse his mouth, coming back out to see the other six waiting for him. 

“She seemed nice.” V said. 

“You obviously like her.” Yoongi added. Namjoon opened his mouth but Yoongi was not done. “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be smiling so much.” 

Namjoon let his smile drop, not even noticing that he was smiling. 

“There’s no point.” He sighed. “It would never work.”

“But you want it to work?” Jimin asked, “that means you like her enough to want something.” 

“Enough!” Namjoon exclaimed. “We’re all tired and we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.” He shooed them out of his room, he was tired but he couldn’t sleep. He stared at your phone number for who knows how long, starting a text then deleting it then starting one again. 

You obviously like her. 

[mikepemulis]

Secret Santa

Hey @beaniejared!!! Merry Christmas! I’m your secret santa for @dearevanhansensecretsanta! Here’s some Connor/Jared theatre fluff for the soul. <3

In Kleinsphy We Don’t Say I Love You We Say Fuck You And I Think That’s Beautiful

2204 Words, Rated T for inane amounts of swearing

Connor groaned loudly. The prickly school carpeting was making his back numb, and the lack of sleep inherent to tech week made his entire body feel like he was pumping cough syrup instead of blood.

The bright, fluorescent lights of the booth boring into his brain were not helping.

“Jared!” He whined, covering his eyes with his hoodie. “It’s two in the fucking morning. When are we going to leave?”

Jared didn’t look up from his equipment. “You had the chance to get a ride home with Zoe, Evan, and Alana two hours ago,” He said.

Connor rolled his eyes. “I didn’t know you would be staying so late. I thought if Alana Beck, our ever diligent stage manager, was leaving then you wouldn’t be far behind. You’re generally known as a slacker -”

“You can’t see right now but I am flipping you off -”

“Besides, I would rather be trapped here until dawn than in sitting next to Evan in the backseat of my sister’s car while she and Alana suck face. Yannow, I think he’s still scared of me.”

“He’s not scared of you, he’s just skittish. Like a fucking… chipmunk or something. A sweaty chipmunk.”

Connor snorted.

“And,” Jared continued. “For your information, I can be very diligent. I only slack off on things I don’t care about. Programming the lighting board takes time and patience. Something you actors wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh blow me, Kleinman.”

“Maybe later. Right now I’m working.”

“I’m not even an actor, you know,” Connor said. “I’m not talented. I’m just one of like… five guys who tried out. And like… making me the sadistic dentist? That’s just blatant typecasting.”

“Shut up, Connor. You and I both know that you’re good at this.”

Connor sat up and smirked.

“What was that?”

“Fuck off.”

“Was… was that… was that a compliment?”

“I hate you.”

“From Jared Kleinman?”

“Why are you like this?”

“Did the Amazing Asshole Jared Kleinman just give me a compliment?”

Connor had slowly made his way over to Jared’s chair, until he was right in his face.

“You’re the worst, you know that?” Jared said, a fond smile ghosting over his lips.

Connor shrugged. He was half expecting Jared to lean forward and kiss him, with their faces being so close together, but he instead turned back to his computer with a soft hum.

Connor glanced at the screen. It was full of codes and colors and buttons that he didn’t understand, but he could glean that Jared would not be done for awhile.

He jumped on the the counter next to Jared’s workstation, resting his legs on one of the many plush chairs that occupied the space.

“You aren’t supposed to be up there,” Jared said.

“Mkay, but consider this, I don’t give a fuck.”

Jared rolled his eyes absentmindedly, but didn’t press the issue any further.

“Ya know,” Connor said after ten minutes of insufferable silence. Connor hated silence. And stillness. He’d had ADHD when he was younger. Sometimes he thought he still had it, but his dad had said he’d “grown out of it” and that “adults don’t have ADHD.” “I used to get really high up here sophomore year.”

“Oh, Jesus, that was you?”

Connor shrugged. “Not just me. Charlie Davis and Alan P. were there too.”

“Alan P.? Dana P.’s older brother?”

“Yeah. He was a senior when we were sophomores.”

“There’s no way he was a stoner. He’s going to like… an Ivy League school.”

“So? Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive. But yeah. Alan P. is a major pothead. He was my first kiss, too.”

“Were you guys high?”

“As a kite.”

“Kinky.”

“Fuck off.”

“What’s that even like?”

“Getting high?”

“Kissing while high. Or getting high. I dunno. Both?”

“Getting high is like… I dunno. It just chills me out. It makes Big Bang Theory watchable, if that helps. And kissing while high is… it depends. Kissing Alan while high was whatever. Cause I didn’t really have a crush on him, it just sort of happened? So it was like… ‘whoa you taste like weed but also have a mouth, that’s fun.’ I dunno what kissing someone I really liked high would be like.”

Jared nodded noncommittally. “So you really didn’t like Alan P.?”

“No? Why?” Connor raised an eyebrow. “Holy shit are you jealous?”

Jared blushed slightly. “No. Fuck you.”

Connor cackled. “Don’t worry, Jared. You’re the only boy I want to kiss. High or otherwise.”

“Connor, that’s gay,” Jared said, a smile pulling at his lips.

“cONor thAT’S gAy,” Connor mocked, doing his best impression of the Spongebob Parrot meme.

Jared laughed softly. Connor loved Jared’s laugh. It wasn’t a particularly melodic or dulcet laugh, it was kind of cackley, and to the untrained ear it would sound mocking, but it was perfect for Jared. It was rough around the edges, kind of disarming at first, but also gleeful and unapologetic. Jared was different and odd and unexpected and Connor thought he was perfect. Jared went back to his programming. Different combinations would light up the stage, and Connor could barely tell the difference between most of them, but Jared would shake his head and change something minute twelve hundred times before he actually inputted a queue. Connor admired the laser focus that Jared had. The only thing Connor could do for a continuous amount of time was read. He also liked to dance or play video games, but neither of those things were still. Connor had to be really high to sit in stillness. Jared seemed to relish in the monotony of inputting codes and tweaking HTML.

Connor abruptly jumped off of the counter, landing less than gracefully. Jared jumped at bit at the sudden movement.

“What the fuck?”

“I need your keys.”

“My… keys?”

“Yes. Your keys.”

“Uh…”

“I’m not going to abandon you at the school, Kleinman. Just fucking trust me.”

Jared let out a beleaguered sigh, but reached into his backpack and tossed Connor his keys. They were attached to a first generation Pokemon lanyard. It was adorable.

“Cool. I’ll be back in like twenty minutes.” Connor started for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Sucking dick for meth!” Connor called as he walked down the hallway to the stairs.

“Bring me some back!”

Connor chuckled. Jared was such a dork.

He walked down the stairs, then left the janitor’s closet that held the passageway to the booth, and exited the school, the brisk night air chilling him to the bone. He left one of the many blocks of wood that littered the floor of the scene shop in the door so that he could get back in.

Jared’s car was a cherry red monstrosity that had over a hundred thousand miles on it and a steering wheel that was held together by duct tape. It could only play cassettes and didn’t get FM radio. Connor absolutely loved it.

He opened the passenger seat door, and was washed over by the smell of dirty laundry, fast food, and Jared. He sat on the cracked leather seat, putting the key in the ignition and stepping on the break. Connor loved driving. His parents took away his car after his last suicide attempt, which, okay, was fair, but it still sucked. It was a weird dichotomy, understanding the measures his parents took to ensure his safety but at the same time being angry and stifled by their constant worry and restrictions.

He flipped on the radio, turning on NPR. His and Jared’s favorite radio show was on. Coast to Coast. It was a conspiracy show that talked about everything from aliens to bigfoot to demonic black eyed children that haunted people until they went insane. It was great. Connor and Jared would stay up until dawn listening to the broadcast in their respective rooms, texting each other back and forth. Gregg Noory was talking about some sort of miniature black hole that scientists were working creating on which had the possibility to destroy the entire world. Driving down a road in the dead of night listening to him talk made the hairs on Connor’s arms stand up. It was exhilarating.

He swerved in to the nearly empty convenience store parking lot. The fluorescent lights illuminated the air around the store like an edgy CW drama. Not that Connor watched edgy CW dramas. He just happened to sometimes be in the room when Zoe was watching them.

He entered the store and grabbed a basket, then headed towards the freezer section. Connor grabbed a carton of rocky road and threw it in. He turned to open the doors again but realized something that felt earth shattering.

He had no fucking clue what kind of ice cream Jared liked.

He couldn��t just text him and ask him, that would ruin the whole romantic shtick. But he couldn’t get the wrong kind of ice cream. Connor came from a family that took ice cream very seriously. One wrong distinction between chocolate and rainbow sprinkles could be the difference between civility and throwing around microwaves. (Connor liked rainbow sprinkles because he was gay and awesome, and Zoe liked chocolate ones because she was a dweeb.)

Connor pulled out his phone and shot a quick text.

To: Hansen

what kind of ice cream does jared like

To: Connor Murphy

What? Why? It’s three am?

To: Hansen

i know what fucking time it is asshole what kind of ice cream does jared like

To: Connor Murphy

Why are you awake? You should be asleep, Connor.

To: Connor Murphy

And cherry garcia.

To: Hansen

pot. kettle. black.

To: Hansen

also, cherry garcia?? fuckin weirdo

Connor grabbed the cherry garcia and dropped it in the basket nonetheless. He also picked up a package of plastic spoons and two water bottles. A suspiciously red-eyed twenty something checked him out and Connor drove back to the high school, not taking notice of the speed limits because it was three in the morning and he had ice cream in the car.

He entered the school, jogged up the stairs, and dramatically kicked open the door to the booth. Jared was still in front of the computer, ever so slightly adjusting shades of pink.

“I’m fighting against every fiber of my being not to make a ‘honey, I’m home,’ joke right now,” Connor said, setting his bounty down on the counter.

Jared turned towards him. “What did you get?”

Connor pulled out the ice cream, flashing a smile.

“Connor, we aren’t allowed to have food up here.”

“I’m pretty sure we also aren’t allowed to be here past midnight so…”

Jared furrowed his brow. Connor smiled wider and handed him the pint of ice cream and a plastic spoon.

Jared opened his mouth to protest, but Connor cut him off.

“Stop being such an Alana and eat the ice cream, Kleinman.”

“Wow. Rude.” But Jared pulled the top off of the carton and tried to pull out a giant scoop, breaking his spoon in the process.

Connor handed him another spoon.

“Fuck off,” Jared muttered.

Connor grinned. “I didn’t say anything.” He opened his own ice cream and dipped his spoon in.

Jared paused, turned back to his computer and grabbed his phone. A song Connor recognized as being from Next To Normal started blaring from the speakers meant for the God Mic.

Connor smiled, and in a moment of bravery, leaned over and pecked Jared on the lips. Even though they’d been dating for a few months, they were shy around affection, both expecting the other to reveal that the whole relationship had been a prank or a lie.

Jared’s face went red, splitting in to a wide grin.

The ate their ice cream in relative silence, occasionally cracking jokes or singing along to Jared’s musical playlist. At one point, Connor put down his spoon and did an entire dance routine in the cramped booth.

“How the fuck have you memorized the entire dance to King Of New York?” Jared asked, incredulous.

Connor shrugged. “I might have a small crush on Ben Cook…”

“Don’t we all.” Jared looked up in fake wistfulness, then looked back at Connor. “So, Newsies is a favorite of yours then?”

“Oh, God no.”

Jared stared at him, offended. “Okay then, Mr. Judgy. What do you like?”

“Off the top of my head? Fantasticks, Apple Tree, and Hair.”

“Oh my god, what are you, seventy?”

“Oh go blow Steven Schwartz, asshole.”

“How can you not recognize that we are in a new golden age of musical theatre?!”

“Okay then, what do you like?”

“Next To Normal, Spring Awakening, and Cats.”

“Cats?!”

“Okay listen -”

“I cannot believe I’m in love with someone who likes Cats!”

“Cats is - wait. In… In love?”

Connor stopped dead. The late night and the free flowing banter and the being alone with Jared has loosened his tongue, and he’d ruined everything.

“I mean… I just… no! Fuck! Of course not, I’m just… I meant to say… I… fuck you!”

“Connor.”

Connor stared at his hands, trying not to freak out.

“Connor!”

His head snapped up, and he looked at Jared.

“I… I love you too.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Cool.”

“Very cool.”

“Insanely cool.”

“Fuck off, Kleinman.”

[ghostydreamgirl]

The Secret

dating werewolf!ashton

AN: this is au and ashton is older in it, but with his longer hair. 

You’d been seeing Ashton for many months and you’d noticed a pattern. He wouldn't talk to you for a few days of each month. You'd grown tired of his distantness and figured it was him trying not to get too involved in whatever it was you two had. For someone like you, independent, happy, charismatic, and confident, you knew one boy wouldn't break you, and you also knew you didn't need to wait around on one boy when you were looking for a man.

You called him on the third day of silence but got no answer. You reluctantly left a voicemail. 

“Hey, Ashton, it’s me. I don’t really want to do this this way, but you’ve kind of left me no choice. I'm 26 now and I thought when I dated a 28 year old, they’d be ready for commitment. I'm not looking for someone to play games with, I'm looking for someone who can commit. That doesn't seem to be you, so I'm not interested in this anymore. I’m sorry...” 

You set your phone down, looking out your bedroom window. It was October and nearing 50 degrees outside. There was tons of leaves in your backyard and you'd meant to pick them up sooner, but your work schedule had gotten in the way. You liked the sound of them being blown around at night anyway, the soft tinkling was soothing.

You turned off your lamp and laid down, adjusting your pillow. With a sigh, you closed your eyes and let the sound of the early fall winds lull you to sleep.

You didn't know this, but Ashton saw your call, and let it go to voicemail. His phone lit up, casting light into the dark room he'd been in since that morning. A full moon had just passed and Ashton had a routine for these moments. He'd usually set aside three days to deal with it. On the night of the full moon, he'd be prepared to change, but it was exhausting. The day before was spent with cracking joints and aching bones as his body changed to accommodate a different species. the day after wasn’t the most pleasant either, but he dealt with it, vowing now to talk to you or anyone else who didn’t know about it on those days. his nerves were always a little aggravated around those times. 

It was nearing 10:30 and he decided if he waited much longer to call you back, he’d lose you for good. But then again, he didn’t want to just  call you. Achy body and all, he crawled from his heap of blankets in his bed and made his way to his car, hoping to get to your house before you were asleep. He’d wake you up to say what he wanted to say, but he didn’t want to disrupt you anymore than he already had. 

Fifteen minutes later, you were half asleep when you heard a car pull up outside your house through the open windows. You thought it would eventually  leave, nothing to worry about, maybe they were using your driveway to turn the other direction. The engine cut off and you figured someone across the street had a guest over or something like that. It didn’t strike you as odd. The crunchy leaves you grew to love so much were disturbed as someone walked through them. The crunches didn’t get softer as you would expect, but louder, like the person was coming towards your house.

You sat up, looking at the clock on your bedside table.  10:46 pm stared back at you menacingly. You sighed, pushing back the covers and quietly moving into the living room. You were thankful you’d shut your blinds before going to bed as you moved towards the front door. Just as you were putting your eye up to the peep hole your door bell rang. Your heart jumped into your throat and sped up at the same time and you clutched your chest, breathing heavily. You finally looked through the peep hole and sighed a sigh of relief, yet contempt when you saw it was Ashton. It wasn’t a murderer but you weren’t the happiest with him at the moment. 

Reluctantly you unlocked your door and pulled it ajar, not all the way. You stood with it covering half of your body, leaning against it and staring at him. Ashton looked up from his feet and gave you a sheepish yet sweet smile. Your heart was already melting at how innocent he looked. “Y/n, good, you’re awake.” You didn’t mention that you’d almost been asleep before he arrived. 

“What do you want, Ashton? You fall off the face of the Earth for three days and when I say I’m done, that’s when you decide to show up?” He stepped forward, a pleading look coming into his eyes as his eyebrows furrowed in panic. 

“Y/n, no! It’s not at all what you think. I am so ready for a commitment, you can’t even begin to imagine. I’ve been looking for the right person for so long, it’s just...” He trailed off, looking like he wanted to say so much more but he was at a loss for words. 

“It’s just...what?” You looked at him, examining his features. He was caught in the middle of something that was tearing him up inside, but what? 

“Y/n, you’re going to think I’m crazy-” With a raise of your eyebrows you began to shut the door. 

“Ok, goodni-” 

“Wait!” He set his foot in-between the door and the door frame, preventing you from shutting it. You sighed. 

“Ashton, I really don’t want to listen to you make up excuses” You began as you opened the door, trying to get him to move his foot, before looking up at him, “all night-” He cut you off with a sweet kiss, pressing softly but firmly against your lips. His hands set on your waist, gently pulling you closer to his warm body. He kissed you three times before pulling away. 

“Y/n, I love you.” The familiar yet unfamiliar words slipped from his lips like butter. It was like he was so comfortable with the idea of it all that it didn’t make him nervous to say it. “Don’t say anything, let me say what I have to say and then I’ll go if you want.” He said as he saw you open your mouth to speak. He retracted his hands from your waist and stepped back, giving you space. 

“My life is quite...unusual.” He began. The soft blue glow of the moon cast shadows across his face, carving his already visible cheek bones deeper and enhancing his jawline. His curly hair was unruly and the moon shone right through it, showing off his natural highlights. “I’ve been looking for the right person to finally share my life with, someone who would understand me and take me for what I am and love me with my flaws.” It didn’t make sense that he thought you wouldn’t love him for his flaws. You were both adults here, capable of grown up feelings and ideas. Why would something as little as imperfections be the issue here? 

“And I had to be sure it was you before I sprung this on you. There’s a good reason I disappear for those three days each month. I know it seems like nothing could make sense right now, and when I tell you the reason, you’ll probably think I’m insane. It doesn’t make sense,” He paused, looking at you with careful eyes. “In the human world.” Your eyes widened on instinct and he rushed to explain.  “What are you talking about?” 

“Y/n, can I come in?” He asked, noticing your hesitance. You nodded after a few moments and stepped aside. He thanked you as he passed by and turned. You faced him, closing the front door and leaning against it. You weren’t scared. You’d know him for nearly a year and had been seeing him for half that time. You knew he wouldn’t hurt you, but what would make him seem insane? 

“Okay, this is going to be odd, I know it’ll sound crazy-” 

“Just tell me already, Ashton.” You were sick of hearing how crazy it would sound and not hearing it.

“Okay,” He took a deep breath and looked at you. “Every month, I disappear for three days around the full moon.” He paused briefly expecting you to connect the dots, but something as unbelievable as him saying he was a werewolf never even crossed your mind.  “And?” He reluctantly continued. 

“It’s when I’m my strongest. It’s when my...pack, is strongest.” He watched your face, watched as you bit your lip in concentration. That was one of his favorite things about you. “It doesn’t have to be a full moon for me to, change,” He was talking like he was walking through a mine field, and in a way, he was. You were slowly coming about to what he was saying. “But on the full moon, my pack and I go out and hunt together. It’s like, the most critical time to bond.” He paused, searching for something in your face, but got nothing. After a few moments of silence he said, “Y/n, please say something.” 

“What do you want me to say? My boyfriend who I thought was my ex boyfriend, is suggesting that he’s a, a, I don’t know! A werewolf?” Ashton grimaced at the urgency in your voice. 

“I said it would sound crazy, Y/n.” When he confirmed that’s what he was saying you were done. You stepped aside and set your hand on the door knob. Ashton slipped his shoes off.  

“Okay, you need to leave.” You turned to pull the door open and immediately whipped back around when you heard sharp cracks and heavy breathing coming from him. You watched in horror as his body contorted, watched the bones moving under his skin, his skin that was suddenly thick with hair that turned to a luscious coat of fur. Your mouth fell open and you screamed as a full-sized wolf formed before you. 

At the sound of whimpers and the wolf’s head bowing, you realized, with a start, that it was Ashton and he was not going to kill you. You were panting as you slid to the bottom of the door, leaning your back against it. Tears came flooding from your eyes as sobs racked your body. You brought your knees to your chest and wrapped your arms around your legs, praying this nightmare would end soon. 

Something soft and wet touched your arm and you flinched, bringing your head out of your cocoon to look up. Bright orange eyes stared back at you, so large you could see your reflection in them. The softness in his eyes calmed you down, and your heartbeat slowed. However, when sounds of cracking bones came back and he closed his eyes in pain, you panicked. In less than ten seconds, Ashton was sitting in a heap on the floor, butt-naked and breathing heavily. “Ash,” You whispered. 

He slowly lifted his head to look at you. His face was that of someone in extreme pain and you were quick to react. Moving on from the insane event that just took place, you wiped the tears that were trickling from his eyes away. “Shh,” You whispered as you pulled him into your arms, carefully hugging him. “It’s okay. I don’t think you’re crazy. I know now. It’s okay.” His body was tense against yours as he breathed raggedly. 

“I’m sorry,” His voice was soft and broken, “that I didn’t tell you sooner,” 

“No, Ash, don’t even say that. I get why you wouldn’t tell me.” You giggled softly. He sighed in relief. 

“Around the full moon, my body changes without me wanting it to. It’s painful and nasty. Any other time I can control it and do it when I want, where I want, but around the full moon, it just happens. So I stay home and I don’t talk to anyone because I’m moody.” 

“I would be moody, too. Don’t worry.” You ran your fingers through his hair, slightly rocking him back and forth. “Do you want some clothes?” You looked up to the tattered mess on the floor where he’d been previously standing. “Yours are definitely ruined.” He sniffled in response as he breathed in deeply. 

“Yes, please, if you even have anything that’ll fit me.” You laughed, absentmindedly rubbing your hand up and down his arm. 

“I may or may not have stolen some clothes from you that one time I stayed the night.” He laughed, looking up at you through watery eyes. 

“Thank god, you did.” He gave you a weak smile. 

A little while later he was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, going commando. You gave him a glass of water and he drank it all within seconds. “Whoa,” You said, laughing slightly. “Thirsty?” You took the empty glass from his hand and went to fill it back up. 

“You have no idea.” He mumbled. 

The covers were already pulled back when you went to your room. “Ah, so you were sleeping?” He questioned. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” You smiled softly at him and watched as he grimaced sitting down. The friendly clock on your bedside table told you it was currently 11:36 pm. Ashton settled into your bed, his back against the  head board. “Not sleeping?” He shook his head.

“I couldn’t with this pain.” He explained. 

“Do you want an aspirin?” He shook his head. 

“Wouldn’t help.” You nodded, smiling sympathetically at him. You pulled back the covers where they previously weren’t unfurled, and sat down, scooting closer to him. You laid your head down on the pillow, careful not to put weight on him. You intertwined your fingers with his that were resting on his lap. You brought his hand to your lips and kissed the back of it. 

Silence drifted in from the open window, cool air caressing his aching muscles. He let his head fall back and his eyes close. The feeling in the room was pleasant as you held his hand in yours, slowly drifting, drifting, drifting,  “Ashton?” You asked after a few minutes passed, your eyes shut. 

“Hm?” He hummed in response. 

“I love you, too.” You said with a smile you couldn’t control. His face lit up. 

“Thank God.” 

[knowingwhentoleave]

Sugarloaf

I got up almost before the sun rose to pick up shit bushweed from a questionable friend of a friend who we’d met a night earlier. I’m in Rio de Janeiro. I am an addict, five years away from getting sober and Brazil is intense. It had become almost too much for me, a Carnival of high octane, blurry, alcohol infused never ending roller coasters. 'Blockos' started at eight, sometimes seven am, with beer being poured down our necks and very little food other than the occasional dough ball. I could hardly take it. The night previous I had marched with the crowds to the official parade with my friends before having a kind of panic attack and running, half drunk and terrified of nothing back to the apartment to make ill-judged Skype call to an ex. I wanted home: I wanted England, where the beer and mood were room temperature. I was burning up.

I'd been under the impression that weed would be falling from the trees in Brazil. My friend told me in Jamaica a guy sold her some in a bin bag - yes bin bag for about 40p. I wondered what part of that story she exaggerated. Nobody could be bothered to get weed. I found this lazy. The fact I needed it drove me on the following mission which I almost immediately regretted, wondering if it was really worth nearly driving yourself to the point of stressful insanity in order to chill out a bit. This country was like heaven and hell, one extreme to the other. It seemed to fit that bill that in order to relax I'd need to near on give myself a nervous breakdown.

I get to 'Thiago' at the foot of a mountain in a banged up fiesta. I wait for about twelve minutes in the beating heat before this. It's seven am, and nobody knows I’ve left the apartment. The objective is simple. The location is approximate. The car has a hole in the roof.

Inside, I thank God for the presence of a seatbelt and make great use of it. The fact this precaution took me by hold on the way up is laughable, considering the way down, but onwards.

Thiago laughs and jokes and we communicate a little in broken English/Portuguese. As we drive into the favela he waves at various people and I begin to feel like the token 'gringa' we've been labelled as since we touched down in Rio; suddenly self conscious of my sun bleached hair and prawn-like 'tan'.

The house is like my teens, with 15 year old boy type Bob Marley posters. He likes the Beatles, so that's something. I carve my grandfather's Liverpudlian-tinged dulcet tones. I want to go to a pub. I want to go to a cornershop and buy a milky way and have a cup of tea. I wonder why the hell I'm travelling anyway if I'm so adverse to other cultures. My phone rings, and it's my travelling buddy, furious that I've upped and left before she's even woken up.

'We're supposed to be going to Sugarloaf Mountain.'

'No, I know, I just didn't think this was going to take quite this long..' I'm not sure what I thought was going to happen, and the realisation that I'm in a favela on my own starts to creep in. Isn't that what they tell you not to do?

'For fuck sake' she says.

'I'm coming!' I try to protest.

'I'm going on my own. What are you doing up there?!'

'Getting weed.'

She sighs angrily and puts down the phone. I look at Thiago and his smiling friend who has joined us. I stand out glaringly in the so-laid-back-we're-almost-falling-over atmosphere as I twitch in the corner, wondering how THE FUCK I'm going to get down that hill.

Ten minutes later, I'm having a bartering match with Thiago in the street over whether or not he can kiss me, whether or not I have a boyfriend, and whether or not this matters. In Brazil apparently, it does not. It's taken me twenty minutes and one bursting into tears episode to try and explain to him that I need to go, that my friend is waiting, that no she will not understand if I 'stay up here a little while and relax.'

'Tranquilo' he tells me, again and again and again.

'I can't calm down. I need to go.'

'Ok baby.' he finally concedes, before taking me part of the way down the hill and then trying to come on to me beside a truck full of rotten fruit.

'It's carnival!' he says. 'You can kiss another boy!'

I don't have the patience at this point to explain I'm a lesbian, so I tell him I have a boyfriend I am very much in love with. He looks at me confused, as if I've just told him a nursery rhyme in Japanese.

'I'm sorry' I lie. 'I just really need to go to Sugarloaf Mountain.'

The next five minutes are unbearably awkward as we wait for one of the moped guys to take me down the hill. The street is dusty and by now boiling hot, and beside us two moped guys are having an argument, sitting on their bikes tired after a night of driving people around. I pray that they'll take me, but they carry on arguing until one of them gets pissed off and they both ride away, my ticket to freedom disappearing in the jigsaw metropolis of shanty houses, the hum of the bike slowly fading into the distance. The fruit truck turns around and drives off. Thiago sits on the pavement, bored. He probably wanted to leave but stayed out of some kind of civic duty knowing that I'd be plucked from the street in my fragile state and doomed to live out my life as a cocktail gringa slave, serving beer to horny men with sweat covered shirts and ill fitting hats.  I look out over the view, a paramount view of a city so alive it was almost breathing sex. It looked like Peter Pan's never land, a locked little paradise cove I couldn't get out of, green, ripe, turned on and now beginning to wake for another day of partying.

Eventually an older guy with longish hair and an air of desperation arrives. I embrace him when he says he'll take me. We begin riding down the hill, and with a sudden shock my skin blisters itself to the side of the moped. The pain is a small price to pay for my liberty though, and I grimace the remaining distance until we reach reality again - cars, shops, traffic lights, bricks.

We stop. I climb back home through the aftermath of a carnival and pass the same broken down lamppost I’ve seen an hour earlier. Policeman stand around it, some of them drinking from coffee cups, staring at the sky.

When I get home my friend's already gone to sugarloaf mountain. Later I hear it was really nice. The weed was shit.