#individually? IMPECCABLE songs

[sdsmsn]

[ellieputellas]

the bird | a.putellas x reader

You’re a model student at a religious boarding school, expected to uphold tradition, and never question the path laid out for you. But when Alexia Putellas moves to your boarding school for reasons unknown, you struggle to reconcile your religious devotion with the new, unfamiliar feelings you have for Alexia.

tags: troublestudent!Alexia, modelstudent!reader, angst, fluff, religious guilt, religious trauma, forbidden love, friends-to-lovers, slight slow burn, tension, school setting, eventual smut in preceding parts (will tag those parts) warnings / notes: will contain homophobic sentiments from other characters, religious themes that may be sensitive to some people (including questioning religious beliefs), alexia and reader are both around 19 years old

partially inspired by this request and also beyond salvage by @angelsforthenight (and my own religious experience lol)

‎ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤchapter one 🕊 other chapters

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤPROLOGUE.  The Bird.

“We have high expectations of you,” Sister Superior Philomena said, her voice measured and steady as she adjusted her glasses. She looked up briefly from the papers she was meticulously arranging. “And time and time again, you have not only met but surpassed those expectations.”

“Yes, sister,” you replied softly, your tone respectful and subdued. The nun offered a small, approving smile before neatly assembling a set of documents. You stood attentively, your posture impeccable—back straight, shoulders poised with quiet confidence. 

Having been a student at Instituto Santa Eulalia Mártir since you were 8 years old, you had long since absorbed the institution's unspoken code of conduct. The perfect student carried themselves with pride but never arrogance. They spoke with clarity and conviction, yet knew the value of restraint. They displayed individuality and a strong sense of self but never had an overpowering, flamboyant personality. In just over a decade, you have become the embodiment of these ideals—a model student who was silent but not shy, strong but humble to a fault. You were practically a nun-in-the-making, as your peers have joked.

“These are the profiles of the new arrivals,” Sister Philomena said, sliding a slim file across the desk with deliberate care. “Five freshmen, a few sophomores, and one senior.”

You paused, eyebrows lifting slightly. “A senior?”

She inclined her head in confirmation. “Alexia Putellas Segura,” she said, tapping the topmost profile with her pen. “We rarely admit students at such a late stage, but this is an exception. She has transferred from one of our sister academies.”

Your gaze dropped to the profile. The photograph was of a brunette girl with striking features and soft hazel eyes, her expression neutral, almost guarded. As you scanned the page, nothing immediately stood out to you. “Sister, if I may ask—why has she transferred?”

Sister Philomena sighed, her hands folding neatly over the desk. “The reason, I’m afraid, is all too familiar. A troubled soul.” Her voice softened with a trace of pity. “As she is in your year, I have decided she will share a dormitory with you. I entrust you with the responsibility of guiding her, molding her into a student who reflects the values of this institution. Can I count on you for this?”

You nodded solemnly. “Yes, Sister.”

Your gaze returned to the photograph attached to the profile. You traced your fingers over the typed name – Alexia Putellas Segura.

You looked through her profile which had not much information about the girl aside from her age, address, and other basic data. Her grades seemed good and she seemed to be active in her extracurriculars. So, why is she here? What trouble did she get into?

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤACT I. The Arrow.

Alexia Putellas was more beautiful and captivating than you expected.

She stood taller than most of your peers which was made more intimidating since it was paired with some kind of silent confidence – tall, composed, self-assured. She was quiet but not shy. There was nothing hesitant about her; she was reserved but not shy. Her eyes, sharp and attentive, seemed to notice everything.  And those eyes… you just could not get over how beautiful they were. A stunningly warm hazel with golden specks.

It would be an understatement to say that you were completely captivated by the sight of her.

“Okay, girls, let’s introduce ourselves by saying our names, nicknames, and favorite things to do in your free time.” The overenthusiastic novice Sister Catherine chirped in the new student orientation where you were present together with a couple of other seniors. “Let’s start with our current students!” Sister Catherine nodded at you. You smiled, trying to make eye contact with every new student but your eyes just kept drifting  back to Alexia whose gaze felt too intense for your liking. You kept your hands clasped behind your back. “Good afternoon, new students.” You said before introducing your name. “I’m a senior. I serve as praepostor of the Dorm de Santa Rosa on the first level of this building. In my free time, I enjoy reading the Bible, embroidery, and volunteering in the library.”

Your words were met with polite nods, but as your gaze briefly flicked to Alexia, you noticed a faint smile curve her lips before she glanced down at her shoes. There was an entertained look in her eyes. You bit your lip, feeling suddenly conscious which you never felt before. 

The introductions continued, but your attention was frustratingly divided. You could barely focus, your mind circling back to Alexia. The way she carried herself, the unreadable expressions on her face, even the firm, athletic build she possessed—it was all distracting in a way you didn’t know how to name.

When it was finally her turn, her voice was calm, low, and self-assured. “I’m Alexia Putellas. Senior,” she said, her gaze locking onto yours with unnerving directness. Something about the intensity of her eyes sent a shiver through you. “I, uh… like football.”

You nodded politely, managing a small smile. Football. That explained her build, her quiet confidence… the biceps that showed whenever she crossed her arms. But as your thoughts began to drift into admiration—or something more troubling—you caught yourself. I don’t think I should be looking at her like this. But… she’s just another girl. And I’m a girl too. Is it wrong to notice her this much?

Your internal scolding fizzled the moment she smiled at you again. It wasn’t much, just a fleeting expression, but it left you warm and inexplicably flustered. Whatever it was you were feeling, it unsettled you more than you cared to admit.

The other praepostors of the dorms had come to a unanimous decision: a pajama party would be the perfect way to introduce the new girls to life at Santa Eulalia. The event was meant to be lighthearted, a blend of camaraderie and tradition, designed to ease the newcomers into their new environment while showcasing the values of the institution.

You took the task of preparation seriously. Each welcome basket was carefully assembled with thought and precision, a reflection of the standards you upheld as a praepostor. Inside each basket, you included a neatly folded school shirt embroidered with the Instituto’s emblem, a new rosary with polished beads, a selection of prayer cards featuring saints and scripture verses, and a modest set of toiletries—simple but elegant. You even tied each basket with a satin ribbon in the school colors, a final touch of warmth and care.

The other dorm heads welcomed their respective new students, handing them their baskets and chatting enthusiastically. While you might have been the nun’s favorite student, you didn’t find it easy to relate and interact with fellow students. They all felt you were too cold, too uptight and rigid, even if you didn’t intend to. This just made it difficult for you to seem warm and open to the new student Alexia. 

Usually, you could draw energy from the excitement of a group of new students but now, it was just you and Alexia. And, Alexia was more quiet than you expected. It wasn’t exactly easy to bounce your energy off of someone as guarded and calculated as you were.

You led her to the farthest room at the end of the hallway, where the two of you would be sharing the space. The room was meant to house four students, but over the past year, many had transferred to more secular academies, leaving several beds vacant. Alexia set her bag down with a deliberate air, and you handed her the welcome basket, trying to gauge her reaction.

She sat on the edge of the bed and began sifting through the contents with slow, deliberate movements. Her expression was unreadable as she picked up the prayer cards, flipping through them one by one. You noticed the faintest curve of her lips as she did so—a smile, but one you couldn’t quite decipher. Was she genuinely touched by the gesture? Or was it amusement at the pious simplicity of it all?

“Thanks,” she said at last, her voice low and restrained, yet not unkind.

You nodded, hesitating for a moment before sitting on the edge of your pristinely made bed across from hers “You’re welcome, Alexia.” You replied, carefully. Then, after a brief pause, you ventured.  “So… you like football?”

She glanced up at you then, her hazel eyes momentarily meeting yours before she returned her attention to the basket. Something about the way she looked at you unsettled you, not in a bad way, but in a way that made you feel hyper aware of yourself. Alexia hummed. “Yeah, I do. I used to play as a midfielder in my old academy.”

You nodded, unsure of how to continue the conversation, knowing fully well it was off limits to ask “trouble students” why they ended up in the Institute. Alexia smiled, noticing your hesitation and. “And you? You like football?”

You nodded quickly. “If watching the girls play during sports week counts.”

She chuckled, a warm sound that made you relax slightly. “Of course, it counts.”

Silence followed, and you felt an awkward pressure to keep the conversation going. You’d already shared everything important on the walk to the dorm—school history, the names of the sisters she would encounter, and a rundown of the cafeteria food. What else was there to say? Ask her about her favorite Bible verse? That seemed…awkward.

“So, Alexia,” you said finally, grasping for a neutral topic, “do you like to read?”

 She tilted her head thoughtfully. “I do, but probably not the same things you read.” “How do you know what I read?” You immediately worried it sounded defensive, so you glanced down, hoping it didn’t come across as rude.

She smiled, noticing your reaction. “Hmm, you mentioned you liked reading the Bible just a while ago so I assumed you mostly read that.”

“Oh,” You said softly. “Yes, I do…of course.”

Alexia’s smile lingered, but her gaze grew a touch more curious. “Are you, like, the president of our year level?”

You shook your head, grateful for the change in topic. “Oh no, there aren’t any presidents here. Just dormheads like me. We take care of dorm activities and…” You hesitated. “Yeah.. mostly that.”

Her lips quirked into a small, knowing smile. “And watch over troublemakers like me?”

You felt your cheeks warm. “Well, not exactly. We just remind everyone of the virtues we uphold in this academy.”

Her smile turned into a soft chuckle. “Don’t worry, monjita,” she said, her voice dropping into a playful tone as her lips curved into the faintest smirk. “I wouldn’t dare ruffle your feathers.” (trans. monjita – little nun)

You weren’t particularly close to other students. They always found you too uptight, too rigid, a perception that left you feeling isolated despite your good intentions. However, Ingrid was one of the few exceptions—a rare friend with whom you could talk easily. She was a year younger than you, yet she carried herself with a confidence and ease that often surpassed your own.

Having transferred from a sister school in Norway, Ingrid had quickly adapted to life at Santa Eulalia despite her initial struggles with Spanish and Catalan. Her cheerful demeanor and genuine kindness had endeared her to both students and staff, earning her the role of dorm head almost immediately after her arrival.

“Darling, have you tasted the cookies I baked with Maria?” Ingrid’s voice was as warm as the smile she wore, and she presented you with a basket of sugar cookies. “They’re actually decent, considering we had no idea what we were doing. Sister Cathy had to step in and save us.”

You winced slightly at the use of the nickname for the junior nun, knowing the more senior nuns would never approve of shortening their chosen names—it was far too casual for their liking. But you let it slide, worried that if you corrected her, you might come across as overly strict and risk alienating your one true friend.

“Ingrid, you should meet Alexia.” You said, stepping aside as you introduced the new student who was trailing behind you. Alexia politely smiled at the taller Norwegian, before offering her hand. 

Ingrid’s expression immediately brightened as she extended her hand. “Alexia! You must be the girl from our other sister school. I came from a sister school as well… but from Norway.” She beamed warmly. “You’re lucky to be sharing the same room as the best dorm head this school has to offer.”

Your cheeks warmed at Ingrid’s exaggerated praise, and you offered her a shy, almost embarrassed smile.

Alexia smiled at Ingrid before carefully looking at you. “Seems like it.”

Something about the way Alexia looked at you made you feel exposed, and you quickly tried to shake off the awkwardness her gaze stirred in you. “Uh, Ingrid,” you began, trying to redirect the conversation. “Alexia plays football, too.”

Ingrid’s eyes lit up. “Does she? That’s fantastic! What position?”

You stepped back slightly, letting the two of them ease into the conversation. Alexia answered Ingrid’s questions with quiet confidence, and though her initial replies were short, you could see her slowly starting to open up. As you observed, you began to notice nuances about Alexia that hadn’t been apparent before.

She wasn’t just reserved—she was thoughtful, deliberate in the way she spoke and carried herself. When Ingrid asked a question, Alexia listened intently before replying, her answers polite and measured. Despite her firm demeanor, there was a gentleness in the way she engaged with Ingrid, an unspoken respect that made the interaction feel natural and unforced.

Watching them talk, you realized that Alexia wasn’t difficult to connect with because she was closed off, but because she paid attention—careful, almost wary attention—to the people around her. You couldn’t help but wonder how you exactly felt about being subject to her perception. What does she think when she looks at me?

The pajama party started getting rowdy as the night passed and the nuns retired to their quarters

And by rowdy, that just meant as rowdy as a Catholic, all-girls school sleepover could be. That just meant a bunch of girls laughing, eating sweets, and giggling over magazines or board games. Somewhere amidst the muted chatter, Ingrid, Alexia and you were somehow roped into a circle with the new students.

You noticed that most of the old students sitting with you in a circle were also the ones who transferred due to being “trouble students.” You, on the other hand, were the complete opposite; you were always made to be the example for the troubled students. It made you feel out of place, unsure of what stories you could share that wouldn’t sound out of step.

Anna, a sophomore with braces and a nervous smile, shifted in her seat before speaking. “My mom was done with me after I got caught skipping class to hang out at the arcade. I just… I didn’t want to say no to my friend, you know? But I guess it didn’t matter because we’re not even friends anymore now that I’m here.” Her words slowed as she reached the end, a flicker of sadness crossing her face. But then she perked up slightly, like she was willing herself to be optimistic. “Still, I don’t mind too much. It’s kinda nice, being away and meeting new people.”

The group cooed and broke into a silent chorus of murmured affirmation. As the circle’s de facto senior—and someone the younger students clearly looked up to—you felt compelled to step in.

“Anna,” You chimed in respectfully, your tone firm yet kind.“Just remember that the people you surround yourself with can really shape who you are.” You paused to let the words settle. You weren’t the most social person but you did give good advice. “Just remember Proverbs 13:30 – ‘walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harms.’”

The group collectively nodded. You continued. “The right friends will lift you up and the wrong ones will pull you down. I know it’s tough starting fresh, but you’re in the right place to find people who will bring out the best in you.” You smiled at Anna whose eyes had softened.

Anna’s eyes softened, and for a moment, the circle felt lighter. The tension had dissipated, and even Ingrid offered a small, approving smile. But as you glanced at Alexia, you caught something else entirely — a faint, knowing smirk.

It was the kind of look that made you second-guess yourself, that made your pulse quicken in a way you couldn’t quite explain. Was she amused? Impressed? Mocking you? Her expressions always left you grasping for answers, and the more you tried to ignore them, the harder it became.

Before you could unravel it, Anna turned to Alexia, her curiosity unguarded. “So, Alexia… why are you here?” The question hung in the air. Alexia’s smirk faded, replaced by a flicker of hesitation.

You jumped in before she could respond. “Anna,” you said, careful to keep your tone even, “the sisters discourage us from asking about someone’s past unless they choose to share it. Alexia’s reasons are her own.”

Anna blinked, realizing her mistake. “Oh… I’m sorry,” she murmured.

You nodded, offering her a reassuring smile. “What’s more important is how we grow and learn from the past, and not fixate on the mistakes themselves.”

The circle seemed to accept this, returning to their quiet hum of chatter. Yet, deep down, you felt a pang of regret. You wanted to know why Alexia was here, too. It was the right thing to do, you told yourself—the sisters had made that clear. Still, the question lingered in your mind, refusing to be silenced.

What had brought her here? And why did it feel like the answer mattered more to you than it should?

As the chatter and laughter continued in the background, you found yourself retreating to the corner of the common room, more concerned with tidying up the scattered plates and cups than joining the conversation. Besides, as soon as the chatter turned into crushes and past boyfriends, you knew your presence was neither wanted nor important to the group. Growing up in the institute, relationships were foreign to you, a concept you understood but never experienced. Even if you were around the age other people got boyfriends or even crushes, you never really had anything remotely close to a relationship. 

Even in the rare interactions with boys from the brother academy, no one had ever sparked that fluttering, heart-racing feeling you’d seen in movies or heard about in whispered gossip. It wasn’t for a lack of trying from the boys’ end. A lot of boys liked you; you’ve always caught the eyes of several peers from the brother academy. However, you were convinced that that was just because you were their mother’s dream daughter-in-law and they’ve hyped you up to their sons. Regardless of all the interest and attempts, no one piqued your interest. No one has even close to making you blush.

Suddenly, you felt a hand on the small of your back. The sensation sent a jolt through your body. “Not interested in girl talk, I see?”

The voice was low, smooth. You turned, and Alexia stood closer than expected. Her hazel eyes locked onto yours, her expression unreadable yet undeniably captivating. You froze for a moment, caught off guard by the nearness of her and the intensity of her gaze.

“Oh—Alexia,” you stammered, fumbling with a stack of plastic cups in your hands. “I didn’t see you there.”

Her lips quirked into a small smile. “You were pretty focused. What are you up to?”

“Just cleaning up,” you replied quickly, avoiding her eyes. “I can’t stand a mess, and I know everyone will be too tired to deal with it later.”

Alexia hummed thoughtfully. “Mind if I help?”

“Oh, no, it’s fine.” You shook your head, feeling your cheeks warm under her steady gaze. “I’m sure the others would appreciate your company more. Talking about crushes has to be more interesting than… this.”

She chuckled softly, her voice like a low ripple of amusement. “Honestly, cleaning up sounds better than hearing another story about some guy from one of the brother schools. It’s all the same anyway.”

You smiled. “Well, we make sure to recycle here. Same rules in our room apply here, which I already told you about.” You nodded. “But if you need assistance, just let me know.”

“Responsible and hands-on,” Alexia observed, picking up a pile of paper plates. Her tone was casual, but her eyes lingered on you, as if she were studying you. “No lucky guy’s noticed that about you yet?”

You sighed. “I’m not interested in relationships.” Your voice was quieter than intended.

“Ah, I see.” Alexia’s smirk turned playful. “So, you’re planning to actually become a nun, Monjita?” She leaned closer, her teasing tone wrapping around the pet name. “I bet you’d look cute in those headscarves, robes, and cross necklaces.”

Suddenly, you were getting flustered, blushing, and out of words. You opened your mouth to correct her — that they were called habits, not headscarves — but nothing coherent came out. You were way too flustered. Alexia’s smirk widened, clearly pleased by your reaction. 

She chuckled. “So, you’ve really never had a crush?”

You paused then shook your head, barely meeting her eyes. “No, I don’t think so.” You peeked a look at the taller girl, seeing her put all the paper plates in the bin. “Probably wouldn’t like the feeling of having a crush, honestly.”

She arched an eyebrow, her gaze still fixed on you. “Interesting.” She continued stacking plates as if the conversation were the most natural thing in the world. “But if you’ve never had a crush, how would you even know what it feels like?”

The question lingered, heavier than you expected. You glanced at her, unsure of how to answer. “I don’t know, blushing and flustered whenever they look at you… intimidated and nervous around them? It just doesn’t seem appealing to me.” you admitted. “Maybe I just… haven’t met the right person.”

Alexia’s lips curved into a knowing smile, her eyes never leaving yours. “Maybe,” she said simply. “Or maybe you’re just not looking.”

Her words settled in the air between you. You gazed again at Alexia whose expression was unreadable. Before you could muster a response, she reached for the cups in your hands, her fingers brushing yours briefly. 

“But enough about that,” she said lightly, breaking the tension. “I’m more interested in recycling than rehashing crushes.”

You exhaled a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding and nodded. Together, the two of you worked in silence, the background noise fading as the common room gradually emptied.

When the last of the mess was cleared and the others had gone to bed, you found yourself sitting beside Alexia on the worn-out couch. The quiet felt comfortable, though charged with something you couldn’t quite name.

After a moment, Alexia turned her head to look at you. “So…” She began, her voice softer now. “You didn’t answer my question earlier.”

You frowned, trying to recall. “What question?”

Her smirk returned, subtle and teasing. “Do you want to be a nun?”

You paused, deep in contemplation. You looked around, checking if anyone was within earshot. You hummed. “I used to,” You paused, fiddling with your thumbs. “But now… I don’t know. I’ve always loved God. I love the Church. I have always devoted my life to it…”

Alexia leaned forward, her gaze unwavering. “But…” Alexia asked gently, her tone coaxing yet patient.

You didn’t know why you felt so comfortable with someone you just met but it all felt so natural with Alexia. You’ve always been so guarded with other people, especially when it comes to your faith. But something about her… you just felt at peace. You couldn’t help but open up.

“I feel like there’s something missing in my life.” You said under your breath. “I pray to God, ask Him to tell me what’s missing in my life or why I haven’t felt fulfilled despite devoting and pouring my all to the Church…” 

You trailed off, your voice faltering under the weight of your own vulnerability. When you dared to glance at her, you were met with a concerned expression that made your heart tighten.

“Alexia, I know it’s wrong to feel this way,” you said quickly as if trying to justify yourself. “I know I shouldn’t expect anything in return for my devotion, but sometimes — sometimes I just feel incomplete.”

The silence that followed was deafening, each second stretching longer than the last. You regretted speaking, regretted opening up. Maybe you had said too much. Maybe Alexia would think you were ungrateful, or worse, weak in your faith.

But then she spoke, her voice steady and kind. “Monjita,” she said softly, using the nickname again, but this time without the teasing edge. “You don’t have to defend yourself. I get it.”

Your eyes snapped to hers, and you were struck by the warmth in her gaze. In the dim light of the room, her hazel eyes seemed to glow, and the intensity of her soft expression sent a ripple of heat through you.

You bit your lip, trying to steady yourself. “You do?” you whispered, almost afraid to believe her.

She nodded, her lips curling into a faint, reassuring smile. “Sometimes… even when you give everything to something, it still doesn’t feel like enough. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It just means you’re human.”

Her words settled over you like a blanket, comforting but unfamiliar. You weren’t used to being seen like this, to someone understanding parts of you you hadn’t fully understood yourself.

The way Alexia looked at you then — steady, unblinking, as if you were the only thing that mattered in the room — made your breath hitch. Her gaze was different now, more intense, and it sent a rush of warmth through your chest.

You swallowed hard, trying to ignore the way your face was heating up. You tore your eyes away, focusing on the floor to compose yourself, but when you glanced back at her, she was still watching you with that same expression… but somehow, more intense. You swore that, for a moment, her eyes fluttered to her lips.

Your heart raced, and suddenly, you felt flustered all over again, the warmth in her gaze threatening to undo you completely. Uh oh.

As the weeks passed, you and Alexia found yourselves spending more and more time together — breakfasts, walking to class, hanging out between lectures, and even doing homework side by side. Alexia had a habit of accompanying you to the chapel during your daily rosary. She never prayed aloud, but she’d sit quietly beside you, her presence steady and unwavering.

Even if you spent so much time together, you still felt uneasy around Alexia. It wasn’t discomfort with Alexia herself, but with how she made you feel. You didn’t know what to make with the intensity of her gaze or the way she smiled at you. Mostly, you didn’t know what to make of the way she made you feel – heart racing, palms clammy, feeling overwhelmed by her presence. 

You loved being around Alexia. She was kind and attentive in ways you’d never experienced before. She noticed the little things: how you tried to be modest with your breakfast portions and would slyly slide extra pancakes onto your plate when you finished. She’d reach for the high shelves in the library without you even asking, or patiently guide you through Spanish essays, her explanations both thorough and encouraging. You truly loved being with her.

But at the same time, you began to think that perhaps some distance would help. You needed clarity—time to pray, reflect, and ask God for guidance about the novel emotions that had taken root within you.

Luckily, Ingrid came in the clutch and invited Alexia to train with the school’s football team just to see how she would like it. Of course, Alexia agreed under the condition that you would watch her during her first time.

You acquiesced. This was supposed to be our time apart, you thought. But the idea of supporting Alexia made your resolve falter. After all, she had sat through countless rosary sessions just to be near you. Watching her play for a little while wouldn’t hurt, right? What could possibly go wrong?

But you were wrong.

Seeing Alexia on the field was something else entirely. The way she moved, so fluid and confident, was mesmerizing. The ball seemed like an extension of her, every pass, every run executed with effortless grace. Your cheeks warmed, even in the brisk wind, and your heart pounded despite sitting still on the cool grass. The feelings stirring within you didn’t just linger; they intensified.

Things got worse on your walk to the showers. Alexia was still radiating the heat of the match, her hair damp and her skin glowing from exertion. She walked close — too close — and the warmth of her presence made your head spin. You tried to create space, stepping slightly farther away, but Alexia noticed.

Alexia chuckled softly before linking her arms with yours, forcing you to be closer to her. “Why are you so far, monjita? Do I smell?” She teased.

No, you smell too good, actually…

“N-nothing,” You stumbled, voice barely above a whisper.

It was becoming apparent to Alexia just how flustered you got around her. She didn’t want to scare you off but she also found it so cute how you reacted and just how clueless you seemed to be about your own emotions.

It was just so endearing to her. She already thought you were beautiful from the moment she met you but it wasn’t just your appearance. It was your quiet kindness, your humility, and the way you so easily became flustered in her presence. It was utterly charming. And, to her surprise, she was beginning to develop a huge crush on you.

Of course, given the circumstances, she wasn’t entirely sure how to navigate those feelings. So, she figured the best approach was to tease you just enough to see if you’d slip up first. Which is why, as soon as the two of you entered the shower room, she decided to remove her shirt without a second thought.

Your eyes widened at the sight of your roommate’s uncovered torso. You quickly spun around, quietly gasping. Alexia smirked. “Alexia,” You croaked out, unable to keep the nervousness from your voice.

Alexia chuckled as she smirked. “What? You act like you’ve just seen a ghost…”

You stammered, your voice coming out in an embarrassed truth. “Uh, Alexia, you shouldn’t be removing your clothes in front of people like that.”

Alexia smiled, clearly enjoying the fact that you were flustered. “Monjita, I don’t see anything in the Bible that says anything bad about sports bras.” She teased with a light tone. “Though, didn’t Jesus say something about plucking out your eyes if you feel tempted?”

You drew in a shaky breath, desperately trying to compose yourself. “I… I just think it’s better if we keep a little more modesty,” you muttered, still not daring to turn around. You and Alexia often changed in your showers after bathing so this was the first time that you were seeing her so exposed.

Alexia took a step closer, and you could feel her presence behind you, the heat radiating from her still-warm skin. “If I’m making you uncomfortable, all you have to do is say so,” she said, her voice low and playful.

“It’s not that, I just—” you started but trailed off, heart hammering in your chest. Before you could finish, Alexia laughed softly and stepped into her shower stall, leaving you standing there, unsure whether you were relieved or even more nervous.

As the sound of water began to fill the room, she called out casually, “So… how’d I do out there? Be honest.”

You swallowed hard, trying to focus on her words rather than the strange, jittery feeling in your chest. “You did great,” you said, voice barely above a whisper. You cleared your throat to sound less meek.  “You had such great control of the ball. I haven’t seen anyone play that good since Ingrid and Maria.”

She hummed, pleased with your response. “Gracias, monjita. That means a lot coming from you.” She said, her voice echoing.

Your light conversation soon fell silent as Alexia cleaned herself. You awkwardly lingered by the sinks, unable to get over the overwhelming awareness of her just a few feet away. Even if you two had showered at the same time, there were usually a bunch of other girls too. Now, it was silent – just you, Alexia, the sound of rippling water and the loudness of your thoughts. No chitter-chatter to distract you from the thought of Alexia…

You jumped as Alexia’s voice cut through the sound of water. “Uh..I forgot my towel outside,” she called out. “Mind handing it to me?”

You hesitated for a moment, silently willing your pulse to slow down. “Uh, sure,” you finally replied, moving to grab the towel.

When you turned to hand it to her, you kept your gaze averted. Her fingers brushed yours as she took the towel, and you swore your heart skipped a beat.

“Thank you,” Alexia said softly, her voice carrying an almost imperceptible edge of playfulness.

You nodded stiffly, retreating to your side of the room. Your mind was a blur of confusion, and for a brief moment, you thought about praying. But the truth was, you weren’t even sure what you were praying for anymore — clarity, calmness, or for these strange feelings to go away. One thing was certain, though: Alexia quickly became the center of your thoughts, no matter how hard you tried to focus elsewhere.

Even if Alexia loved your presence and loved your companionship, the experience at the boarding school was sometimes too much for her to handle. 

When she first moved in with her grandparents, she never anticipated that her stay would eventually lead to being sent to a boarding school after an unpleasant experience. The thought of living away from her friends, her home, and access to decent football training had been unbearable at first. But then, she met you—a sweet, devout girl whose head seemed so deeply buried in the Bible that you didn’t even realize you were still in the closet.

Despite loving your presence, Alexia still felt like the school could be too much at times – the lackluster football program, the seemingly endless Bible lessons, the preachy talks, the relentless schedule, and the constant pressure to be a proper Catholic girl all the time. It was a big shift from being in a more liberal school. 

In addition to all that, she just couldn’t reconcile the growing feelings she had for you with the way the nuns always seemed to lecture against those very feelings. It got too much.

So, when the weight of it all bore down on her, Alexia would sneak out in the dead of night while you were fast asleep. Wandering aimlessly around the campus grounds, she often ended up at the prayer garden nestled in the small forest near the school.

The quiet solace of the garden, with its canopy of stars and the hum of nature, offered her a much-needed escape from the pious expectations of her daily life. It was the one place where she could breathe without feeling judged, without having to be so guarded.

After a few successful midnight escapes, Alexia had grown more confident in her routine. Perhaps a little too confident. As she carefully climbed out of the window one night, the sound of her movements stirred you from your sleep.

“Alexia?” you murmured groggily, blinking at the shadowy figure moving by the window. You rubbed the sleepiness from your eyes as you saw your roommate with a cardigan thrown over her pajamas, practically half out of the window. “W-what are you doing?”

Alexia froze for a moment before turning to face you. “Monjita… hey,” she said softly, using the nickname that had inexplicably grown on you. “I was just going to the prayer garden…to destress.”

Rubbing your eyes, you sat up, still half-asleep. “The nuns will catch you,” you muttered, voice laced with drowsy concern. A yawn escaped her mouth. “They might punish you if they catch you.”

Alexia hesitated for a moment before offering you a small smile. “Maybe,” she admitted, “but I’m going anyway. And… if you’re worried, you could come with me.”

You blinked at her in confusion. “What?”

“Come with me,” she said, her hazel eyes sparkling “You’re in better standing with the nuns. If we get caught, they’ll go easier on us if you’re there. Besides, I could use the company.”

You bit your lip, torn between your better judgment and the strange pull of Alexia’s request. Alexia hummed before proceeding to step both feet out of the window, baiting you. After a moment of internal debate, you sighed and climbed out of bed. “Fine. But we need to be back before anyone notices, okay?”

Alexia’s grin was radiant as she reached for your hand. “Of course, monjita.” she whispered. “Now, come on.”

Your heart was beating so fast as you slipped out the window and into the dark of the night. If anyone heard your heart now, they would have thought you were robbing a bank by the way it thumped and thrashed in your chest. On the other hand, Alexia moved with confidence and no worries.

“Alexia, aren’t you afraid of night creatures… owls… foxes?” You asked as you and the other girl weaved your way through trees to make it to the prayer garden.

Alexia, who was leading the way, turned her head and flashed you a smile. “All God’s creations, right?” She teased. “Don’t worry, we’re not too far away, angel.”

That was another nickname Alexia liked to call you, which always got you flustered as well. Even now that you were fearing for your safety, you still felt your cheeks warm.

It wasn’t long before you both found yourself in the prayer garden, seated on makeshift benches crafted from large slabs of rocks. You always loved the prayer garden but at night, it transformed into something almost magical. The stars scattered across the sky like shimmering jewels, and the moon bathed everything below in its soft, silver glow.

As you gazed at Alexia, you couldn’t help but feel a little breathless. Under the moonlight, she looked ethereal—her skin glowing like porcelain, her dark eyes shadowed yet undeniably captivating. You quickly turned your gaze upward, trying to ground yourself.

“I come here at night when I feel overwhelmed,” Alexia said, her voice breaking the stillness. Her tone was unusually soft, vulnerable. Despite knowing Alexia for a while, she rarely talked too much about her emotions. She was rarely so open like this, which just made this experience more special. 

“I just need to sit in silence,” she continued, her eyes fixed on the stars. “To look at the sky, the moon, hear the trees rustling. It’s… healing.”

You nodded silently, sensing there was more she wanted to say.

She sighed deeply, her words weighed down by emotion. “When I feel like the guilt is too much... like it’s drowning me, I come here. And for a moment, I can breathe again.”

The silence that followed was heavy but not uncomfortable. You looked up at the sky, your shoulder brushing lightly against hers. Normally, being so close to Alexia made you nervous, but tonight, in this shared stillness, you felt oddly at peace. The heart that was previously violently thrashing in your chest was now a consistent, steady beat.

After a moment of silence – just gazing at the stars and listening to the rustle of the trees, you broke the silence. “Can you believe our Creator? He made all of this — so vast, so beautiful. The stars, the trees, the world… it’s like proof of His greatness.” You gushed, feeling yourself grow appreciative of the world around you. You figured sneaking out was just a way for you to appreciate God’s creation in a different light.

Unbeknownst to you, Alexia wasn’t sharing the same train of thought. She sat quietly beside you, her gaze distant as she absorbed your words. After a moment, she spoke, her voice soft yet tinged with sadness. “Yes… but who created all the pain?”

Her question caught you off guard, and you turned to look at her, unsure how to respond. “What do you mean?”

Alexia met your gaze, her eyes glimmering with an unspoken ache. “If there’s a creator who made all this beauty, then who made all the suffering?”

The weight of her words settled heavily between you. You hesitated, your mind racing for an answer. “Maybe… maybe it’s not Him,” you said cautiously. “Maybe it’s humans, not him."

Alexia’s eyes didn’t leave yours, her expression unreadable. “Then why doesn’t he stop it?”

You faltered, unsure how to respond. You looked down, feeling the gravity of her question but unable to offer a clear answer. “Maybe… maybe it’s because we have free will. We have to face the consequences of what we do."

Her voice dropped to almost a whisper, the next words barely audible. “But… what if the way I was born is a sin? Does that mean I’m damned from the start?” she whispered. "What can I do then?"

Your heart stuttered, her words hitting you like a sudden blow. You didn’t fully understand what she meant, but you could feel the weight of her confession. It meant something to her — something big, something raw.

Your mouth opened, but no words came out. What did she mean? You searched her expression for clarity, for reassurance, but found only a vulnerability that left you speechless.

The silence that followed was heavy, almost suffocating. It wasn’t the first time that someone came to you with religious doubts and apprehensions. Typically, you handled it well but now, all you could do was keep your eyes glued on to Alexia’s hazel eyes. 

She smiled weakly, her eyes glazed a bit, before looking up again at the stars. You paused, taking her presence in before mimicking her and looking up at the stars again. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ACT II. First All at Once, Then All Together.

After that night with Alexia at the prayer garden, you’ve grown more and more comfortable with her, spending practically every single waking moment with the girl. You became even more inseparable.

Sneaking out at night became a ritual, talking about everything and nothing. Sometimes, you’d open up about your religious upbringing. Sometimes, Alexia would share about her life outside the boarding school – telling you about all the shenanigans she got into. Other times, Alexia would be telling you about football rules and gameplay. (She practically spent an entire night explaining to you what offside was and you still were confused, unable to visualize it even after she explained using rocks and twigs.) 

These days, you laughed a lot, more than you ever had in all your years combined inside the institute. It felt so freeing being with Alexia, opening up and just getting to laugh boisterously without being scolded. 

Alexia loved seeing this side of you, growing more and more comfortable with her. She loved making you laugh, loved the way you made her laugh. But it wasn’t just the lighthearted moments she treasured—it was the quiet, vulnerable ones, too. Sometimes, she wanted to tell you everything about how she ended up at the school, but she always hesitated. A part of her wasn’t ready, unsure of how you’d react.

The downside of spending so much time with Alexia was that you were starting to fall behind on your dorm head duties. You managed the basics—leading morning prayers, fairly assigning chores, and organizing Bible study sessions every couple of weeks—but some responsibilities slipped through the cracks.

It wasn’t a big deal until you forgot to monitor the weather, failing to inform the nuns of an incoming storm. So, when a storm hit and the dorm lost power, all the batteries in the lamps and the flashlights had corroded and you were all forced to use candles. 

Alexia, as always, was quick to help. She volunteered to search the storage closets for any working battery-powered lamps. While you rummaged under your bed for spare supplies, Alexia explored the rest of the room.

“Hmm…” Alexia hummed, cutting through the silence as you searched for the lights in your room which you were sure you stored under the bed. You turned around and could barely make out her figure in the dark. 

“What is it?” You asked, still rummaging through the box under your bed. 

“Jewelry and birds?” she said, her tone curious.

Confused, you turned to find Alexia sitting on the floor, flipping through your old sketchbook. Your eyes widened in horror. “Wait – Alexia!” You yelped.

Back when you were a freshman, an alumni visited the school to share her life as a jewelry designer. After which, for a year, you were convinced that jewelry designing was your passion, making several sketches of rings, necklaces, and other pieces. After filling an entire sketchbook of drawings, you figured that it was a ridiculous dream to have and quit your jewelry-making aspirations

The obsession with drawing birds… well, there wasn’t an explanation for that. You just liked birds somehow.

You tried to snatch the sketchbook from Alexia who held it away from you, a teasing grin on her face. “Relax, angel,” she said, thumbing through the pages. “You’re really talented. Did you design all these?”

You bit your lip, cheeks warming. “Well… yeah. But it’s not that creative. It’s just… birds and jewelry.”

Alexia frowned, shaking her head. “Don’t be ridiculous. This is amazing.” She stopped on a page depicting a necklace of a bird inside a cage. “This one especially. It’s beautiful.”

You tried to snatch the book again, but she pulled it away, her expression softening as she flipped through more pages. Her gaze lingered on darker drawings that littered the last few pages — birds with arrows through their hearts, birds lying lifeless, and cages that seemed impossibly small. 

She finally closed the sketchbook, her expression unreadable. Without a word, she reached out and wrapped her arms around you, pulling you into her lap. You froze for a moment but eventually relaxed, adjusting yourself to sit more comfortably. Alexia held you like that, her warmth radiating through you. Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper, as she spoke into your ear. “You don’t have to stay in the birdcage.”

You didn’t reply, but your arms tightened around her. Somehow, in that quiet moment, the message was clear. Yet, you said nothing.

After that night, Alexia had grown fond of hugging you. 

Well, not just hugging, but holding your hand and brushing your hair with her fingertips. You never talked about what she said even if you felt like you wanted to, but you just knew you had some sort of silent and deeper understanding of each other since then.

The lingering fluttered feeling remained with Alexia but it soon dissipated into comfort. You’d let her hold your hand under the table during lunch. You’d let her hug you from behind and rest her head on your shoulder when you washed the dishes. On your end, you just loved being close to her, often offering to brush her hair and sort it into braids or other silly hairstyles. 

The weather got colder and colder, making your nightly sneaking-out sessions impossible. Unfortunately, this meant that you were suddenly having a hard time sleeping. The walks and nights out talking provided you with a peace of mind that allowed you to sleep soundly after. Now, you felt like life was incomplete without it.

It was past midnight and you still couldn’t sleep, feeling anxious considering that you had to wake up earlier to prepare for First Friday mass. You already tried praying, counting sheep, and reciting Bible verses in your head but to no avail.

You sighed and turned again in your bed. The Catalan took notice of your restlessness and sat up slightly to glance over to your bed. The nightlight barely illuminated the room but it was obvious to her that you were still up.

“Angel,” she whispered, her voice soft but distinct in the quiet dormitory room. You turned around to see Alexia propping herself up in her bed. She smiled warmly at you. “Can’t sleep?”

You shook your head. “I’m having trouble,” you whispered back. “But, I’m sure I’ll drift off sooner or later.”

Alexia hummed and tilted her head thoughtfully, then lifted the edge of her blanket in a silent invitation. “You know,” she said lightly. “Sleeping next to someone is supposed to help. Something about oxytocin or whatever. It’s supposed to calm you down.”

You chuckled. “Suddenly, you’re a biologist?”

“Nah, just a cuddle scientist.” Alexia teased, her grin widening. “Come here. If it doesn’t work out, you can always just go back to your bed.”

You hesitated, your heart skipping for reasons you couldn’t quite place. The idea was harmless — just two friends sharing a bed — but something about the offer felt different, like stepping over an invisible line. Still, the way Alexia looked at you, patient and almost knowing, made it hard to say no.

Biting your lip, you slid out from under your covers. The cold floor sent a shiver up your feet as you tiptoed toward Alexia’s bed. She scooted back slightly to make room, her blanket still held open. You slid in carefully, the scent of her shampoo immediately enveloping you. The bed was as tiny as yours, forcing your bodies closer than you’d planned.

You laid stiffly, your back almost to the edge of the bed, careful not to be too close to her. You were too afraid that moving closer to her might just… be too intimate.  

Just as you started to relax, Alexia’s hand slid over — tentative but deliberate — resting lightly on your waist, before settling flatly on the small of your back.

You jumped slightly at the sensation, but she didn’t let go. Instead, her fingers curled gently, tugging you closer until your body was flush against hers. 

“You were about to fall off,” she murmured, her voice low but teasing. “Relax, Monjita. I won’t bite.”

Your cheeks burned, but you couldn’t find the words to protest. Alexia adjusted, slipping an arm under your neck and pulling you into her chest like it was the most natural thing in the world. Her steady heartbeat thrummed against your ear, and though it should’ve calmed you, it only made your own race faster.

Even if you and Alexia had become close, there was a newness, a different feeling to this interaction. It felt intimate and almost like crossing friendship boundaries. 

“You’re so stiff,” she said after a moment, her tone light but edged with amusement. “What’s the big deal? Haven’t you ever hugged a friend before?”

You swallowed. “Not like this,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Alexia hummed softly in response, her breath warm against your hair. “Well,” she said, her voice dropping just slightly, “there’s a first time for everything.”

You paused, contemplating, before softly whispering again. “Alexia,” You started cautiously. “I never really had a best friend.”

She hummed, her free hand gently brushing through your hair in slow, comforting strokes. “Yeah?” she prompted, her tone curious but tender. “What about Ingrid?”

You shook your head. “I like Ingrid, but she’s not my best friend and I can’t completely open up to her,” you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever opened up to anyone. I’m always so scared… scared that they’ll hate me or judge me once they really know me. You're the only one I feel like I can open up to.”

Alexia scoffed softly, almost incredulously. “I don’t see how anyone could hate you, monjita,” she said, her voice laced with quiet affection.

You swallowed, your chest tightening. “I think some of them already do,” you murmured, the words tasting bitter as you let them out. 

“I’ve always been so devoted to the Church, and sometimes… I think they see me as too pious, too preachy. I don’t think it’s a bad thing,” you added quickly, almost defensively. “But it’s made me someone they can’t trust. Like I’m just an extension of the nuns — someone they’ll never see as a real friend.”

Alexia chuckled warmly. “An extension of the nuns?”

You nodded. “Even you call me monjita.”

Alexia shook her head. “Well, yes,” she explained. “But not because I see you as an extension of the nuns. I just think you’d look so cute and adorable in those gigantic nun costumes they wear, and well, you’re as nice as a nun.”

You chuckled a bit but shook your head. “Still, people don’t see me beyond being the good girl, the praepostor… the person the nuns send them to whenever they have doubts about their faith.” You whispered. “Sometimes, I even forget who I am beyond that. Sometimes, I just let myself be who they think I am.”

Alexia’s hand didn’t falter as she hummed thoughtfully, her touch steady and grounding. “You shouldn’t do that to yourself,” she said simply, but there was something fierce in her voice, a quiet insistence that you weren’t sure how to process. “They can perceive you and they can judge you from just that but you shouldn’t let their perception define you.”

You hummed in thought, as you rested your hand on her chest, feeling her steady heartbeat. “It’s not just that,” you continued, the words spilling out now as though Alexia’s warmth had unlocked something deep inside you. “Even if they could see past that, I don’t think they’d like me once they really knew me, once they knew who I am beyond being the praepostor or the nun’s favorite.”

Her hand paused briefly, and when she spoke again, her voice was softer, more cautious. “What do you mean?”

You stared blankly at the wall, the weight of her question pressing on you. “I mean that I have my own doubts,” you admitted, your voice barely more than a whisper. “That I give advice, telling people to trust God and follow His word, that all your problems will wash away when you believe and pray but deep down, I… I’m not sure I believe it myself. Sometimes, I feel so trapped… like I’m living this life for everyone else, not for me.”

“Hmm?” Alexia said as if to signal for you to continue.

You bit your lip, hesitant to share your own feelings with Alexia. “I’ve lived my whole life here in the Institute. This is all I’ve known and I know a lot of the sisters went through the same thing and learned to love it…” You trailed off.

Alexia prodded. “But?”

You felt tears form in your eyes but you tried to stop yourself from letting yourself get even more emotional. “I want to see what life is like… beyond this.” You shared softly, almost too soft for anyone to hear. “Just see what I’m missing out on.”

You continued, “I want to laugh freely. I want to watch movies that just make me laugh or make me cry — movies not necessarily made to have a moral or a lesson or be about a biblical character. I want to eat junk food and indulge in sweets without feeling like I’ve turned into a massive glutton. I don’t want to feel guilty for wanting a third pancake.”

Alexia chuckled softly at that, her mind flashing back to mornings in the dining hall when she’d see you dutifully pick at bland green beans, leaving the pancakes untouched for the younger girls.

“I want to do things other normal people our age do,” You continued. “I want to go drink recreationally and dance with people I don’t know. I wanna know what I’d look like with lots of makeup and those big lashes. I want to swim in a tiny swimsuit, even if it feels weird riding up your—”

Alexia laughed out loud at that, the sound warm and unguarded, and you couldn’t help but smile. Her amusement encouraged you, made you feel safe enough to keep going.

Taking a deep breath, you continued, “I want to fall in love,” you said, the words trembling on your lips. “Really fall in love. I want to go on a date, get flowers, share drinks. I want to kiss someone… not a polite little peck on the cheek. I mean really kiss, feel something. I want to know what it’s like to be loved and love beyond… beyond religious devotion.”

Suddenly, you fell silent, gulping as you allowed yourself to calm down again. Alexia hummed lowly as she continued to brush your hair. You stayed silent, waiting for Alexia to speak but she didn't, simply continuing to brush the pads of her fingers against you.

When she finally spoke, her voice was soft but steady. “You must think I’m a hypocrite,” you said, preempting her, your voice brittle with doubt.

“No, no, of course not, cariño.” She said immediately with a tender but firm voice. “I think what you’re feeling is natural.”

Another pause. You nuzzled closer to her instinctively, seeking comfort in the steady warmth of her touch. Alexia sighed softly, her breath ruffling your hair. “Having doubts, wanting these things… it doesn’t make you bad,” she murmured. “It makes you human. We all want love. And that’s okay, monjita.”

Her words settled over you, comforting but unfamiliar, as though you weren’t sure you deserved to hear them. You turned your head slightly, meeting her gaze. There was no judgment in her beautiful, hazel eyes — just patience, warmth, and something else you couldn’t quite name.

“But what if it’s more than just doubts?” you whispered, your voice cracking under the weight of your fear. “What if… what if I can’t actually be what they expect me to be? What if I just break?”

Alexia’s free hand moved to your cheek, her thumb brushing softly against your skin. “Then maybe it’s time to stop living for their expectations,” she said, her voice firm yet impossibly gentle. “You don’t have to be what they want. You only have one life and you deserve to live for yourself, angel.”

Your eyes locked together and you started feeling the weight in your heart be replaced by something new. You felt the energy between you two shift into an unfamiliar feeling you couldn’t put a finger on. There was a warmth between you two — a growing comfort and familiarity — but there was also the feeling of something ominous unraveling. You couldn’t tell what it was; it was something you’ve never known before.

And as soon as you felt your eyes flicker to Alexia’s lips — pink and lush, parted slightly as she stuck her tongue out to wet them, how they were impossibly close — you knew.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ACT III. We Can’t Really Help Who We Are

After that night cuddling with Alexia, you lied and said you preferred sleeping in your own bed, even if truthfully you’ve never slept better than you had wrapped around in her arms.

You’ve also let her hands awkwardly hang between you, brushing against yours to signal for you to take them. Instead of locking hands like you usually did, you’d cross them across your chest and avert your gaze.

When she’d try to wrap you in a back hug from behind, you’d find some excuse to slip away. “I need to re-fold my clothes,” you’d mumble, or, “I should check with Sister Catherine about something in the dormitory,” leaving her standing there, arms left empty.

More recently, you’d taken to pretending to be asleep, tucked into bed as early as nine in the evening, just to avoid those late-night conversations with her — the ones where it felt like the world disappeared and it was just the two of you.

Ever since you realized that you might have a crush on Alexia, you have avoided spending alone time with her. You dodged all her physical affection and even moved seats in class, making an excuse that your eyesight has been faulty lately which made no sense because you simply moved horizontally as you two had already been sitting up front.

To anyone else, your sudden change in behavior would have been confusing, even hurtful. But Alexia wasn’t just anyone. She understood what you were going through, even if you hadn’t said a word. She saw through your avoidance, knew why you flinched away from her touch or made excuses to leave.

So she decided to give you space. She’d let you sort through your feelings, trusting that you’d come to terms with them when you were ready. There was no rush, no pressure — not from her. The least she could do was add to the pressure you were already feeling from everyone and yourself.

But to you, Alexia’s calm and unbothered demeanor meant something entirely different.

You convinced yourself that her behavior wasn’t born from understanding but indifference. You figured she hadn’t noticed your growing feelings at all, or worse, that she had — and didn’t feel the same.

Her casual way of brushing off your sudden distance only solidified the idea in your mind: Alexia only saw you as a friend.

Every hug, every handhold, every quiet moment together — it was nothing more than friendship to her. That realization made everything harder. It made every excuse you gave, every inch of space you put between you, feel more necessary.

Certainly, it wasn’t the truth but to you, it felt like it was and that didn’t make it hurt any less.

Every so often, some of the sisters that oversee dorm functions would gather everyone for some prayer activity, to exercise different manners of prayer. With the older sisters, they usually preferred teaching worship songs or learning prayers in different languages. The younger sisters were often more imaginative and fun. Sometimes, they’d make board games based on Biblical lessons or it would be a rosary-making session.

Today, Sister Catherine decided that a “Stretching with God” exercise would be fun. So, all the girls from your dorm building were gathered in your modest sweatpants and shirts as you attempted to follow Sister Catherine’s instructions. Some of the moves made sense like raising arms to reach towards the heavens or doing child’s pose to symbolize humility. But some of it… were questionable. 

She had everyone rolling their arms back to “emulate angel’s wings.” She had you lifting your legs back and forth in a swinging motion “to kick away all the evil that surrounds you.” After the “punching away demons” move, you looked around and noticed that everyone seemed to be enjoying it — some genuinely enjoying it and others just finding the silliness of it all amusing.

Though, you didn’t bother looking over to Alexia, who was standing beside you. You’ve been avoiding her gaze ever since she found it was so funny for her to lift her shirt up so slightly to wipe the imaginary beads of sweat from her forehead after every stretch.

To you, it seemed like an innocent gesture that your twisted brain was just corrupting but Alexia actually intended to do it ever since she’s caught you frequently glancing at her abdomen, especially after her football training.

“Okay, girls, to close off our Stretching With God session,” Sister Catherine instructed, a little bit winded from leading the session. “We’ll form a circle to have a small prayer.”

Sister Cathy turned off the radio that was playing instrumentals and soon, the dorm fell quiet except for the soft rustling of fabric and the occasional shuffle of feet as everyone gathered into a circle. 

You had carefully chosen your spot, slipping beside Ingrid and moving away from Alexia. It seemed like the safest option at the time — distant enough from Alexia to make avoiding her easier. But now, as you settled in, you realized the mistake.  

From where you stood, you had a clear line of sight to Alexia. You did move far away from her side but that landed you almost directly in front of her in the circle. You clenched your hands, trying to focus on the prayer circle instead of the way her hazel eyes lingered, even when they weren’t looking at you directly.  

The prayer exercise began. “Okay, girls, we’ll be doing the typical ACTS prayer structure.” Sister Catherine started. “Can anyone remind us of what the ACTS prayer is like?”

Instinctively, all eyes darted to you. You nodded and spoke up loud enough for everyone to hear. “A for Adoration — you give worship to God and adore him for who he is. Typically, you can say ‘Almighty God’ or just ‘God the Father’... or whatever you feel is fitting.”

“Next, C stands for asking for confession when you let God know of and apologize for all your sins and misgivings.” Suddenly, your eyes drifted to Alexia who had a small smile on her face. You stumbled with your words. “Uh, uhm…”

“Thanks,” Ingrid whispered surreptitiously to you, thinking you'd forgotten it. 

You nodded. “T for Thanksgiving wherein we thank Him for all He has done. Lastly, S for supplication.”

Sister Catherine nodded at you thankfully. “And supplication is just asking humbly for what you want,” She looked over to you again. “For what you desire in your heart.”

You nodded, trying to keep your eyes on the nun instead of letting it drift towards Alexia. Soon, the nun started instructing the group on the movements that accompanied each part of the prayer.

For the adoration part, you all raised your hands high, the weight of silence heavy as you thought of words to praise Him. "All-knowing and all-seeing God," you whispered suddenly. The phrase came unbidden. You bit your lip, feeling guilt rush over you suddenly as you reached your fingertips to the sky. 

When it was time to give thanks, everyone was instructed to place their right hand over their heart. You murmured a quiet prayer of gratitude, forcing the words past the lump in your throat. "Thank you for self-control," you said softly, though it felt like a lie. Every day you spent avoiding Alexia made you feel like a thread pulled too tight, ready to snap. 

Then came the moment for forgiveness. You were to put both hands over your heart now, one over the other as you closed your eyes and bowed your head to symbolize humility and regret for your actions. You could practically feel your heartbeat inside your hands as you struggled to even formulate a coherent thought.

You knew somehow that your feelings for Alexia were wrong but you couldn’t piece together a statement asking for forgiveness because you couldn’t reconcile with yourself what sin you committed exactly. You clutched your chest as you breathed heavily, settling with a different apology. “I’m sorry I cannot recognize my own sins.” You thought silently.

Finally, it was time to ask for your desires. 

“Everyone, keep your heads low. This is to show humility, that you are a mere human asking God for something. Not demanding or expecting already, but just asking kindly with all the humility in our heart.” The nun instructed as she lowered her own head. You followed suit.

“Next, hold your hands, let it serve as a reminder that you are not alone and that your peers have their own desires and aspirations. As we hold hands, this is our way of praying that they also attain all their aspirations.” You locked hands with Ingrid and Maria who were both beside you.

“Finally, tell God your desire.” Sister Catherine said. “You can whisper it, say it out, or keep it in your heart and heed for Him to hear.”

Heads bowed low, hands clasped tightly, the circle seemed to shrink in on itself as whispers of prayers filled the room. Girls murmured quietly, voices blending into a soft hum of hope and longing. You lowered your head like the rest, but your mind was blank.  

What did you desire most?  

Nothing came to mind at first, only the familiar wave of guilt and confusion. But then, as if pulled by a force you couldn’t resist, you lifted your head. And that’s when you saw her.  

Alexia was already staring at you. Her head was not lowered like everyone else, her hazel eyes locked on yours with an intensity that stole your breath. In the middle of all the whispered prayers, the bowed heads, and the holy reverence, it was just the two of you, caught in a moment that felt impossibly loud in its silence.  

You didn’t look away.  

And in her gaze, you saw it. 

The same thing that burned in your chest — the unspoken desire, the longing you’d tried to bury — reflected back at you. It was an understanding, a silent confession shared without words.  

Your breath hitched, and your hands trembled as you tried to remain composed. Around you, the prayer continued, a soft chorus of whispered hopes filling the air. But at that moment, nothing else mattered. Not the guilt, not the fear — just her.  

Alexia’s lips parted slightly, as though she wanted to say something, but the words didn’t come. Instead, her eyes softened, her expression shifting into something both tender and devastating.  

The prayer ended, the murmurs quieting as hands released and the circle broke apart. But you remained frozen, still locked in the echo of what had just passed between you.  

You hadn’t spoken a word, but somehow, you knew. You both desired the same thing.

You were violently shaken awake. You blinked your eyes open to see the familiar dark-haired Norwegian sitting on your bed, trying to get you to wake up. 

You blinked your eyes, drowsy and disoriented. Ingrid looked relieved to see you awake. She sighed. “Sister Superior is summoning you to her office. She says there’s a matter of your concern.” She said with a frantic but firm voice.

You sat up and instinctively looked over to Alexia’s bed which was empty. However, this time, it was undone and not fixed which was uncharacteristic of the Catalan who often did her bed as soon as she woke up.

Ingrid noticed. “Alexia’s there too.” She clarified. “You need to get dressed immediately. Sister superior does not seem happy.”

Suddenly, your heart pounded against your chest. No one in the school knows what you were feeling for Alexia and yet, that was the first thing that came into your mind. Could you have been figured out?

No, it couldn’t be. You thought. But… we have been affectionate a lot and have been holding hands prior. Could that be the reason? But girls here often hold hands.

Or… maybe it’s all those nights sneaking out? Were you caught? Did they hear you say all those things about your apprehensions and your conflicted feelings.

You gulped as your hands grew clammy. Ingrid sat back on the bed with you and clasped your hand in hers. “Hey, hey,” Her voice said in a comforting manner but there was a tone of doubt. “I’m sure it’s nothing. It might just be a dormitory concern.”

You nodded, doubting her words. “Yeah… maybe.” You whispered. “Do you know what it’s about?”

Ingrid shook her head. “No, but it seems… urgent.” She answered. “Just get dressed and I’ll take you there immediately to not anger the sister.”

You immediately threw on your clothes and joined Ingrid as you briskly walked to the office at the opposite building. You were both quiet at first, the tension heavy between the two of you until Ingrid spoke up.

“Do you have a clue what this meeting could be about?” She asked cautiously. “Did Alexia do something?”

You bit your lip and looked at your friend’s icy blue eyes, contemplating whether or not you wanted to even answer.  Ingrid lowered her voice to a whisper. “I promise to God I won’t tell if you know anything.”

You looked away briefly, assessing if anyone was within earshot. You linked arms with Ingrid to move closer to her as you walked. “I think… it might be because Alexia and I snuck out once or twice before.”

Ingrid’s eyes widened, shocked not by the act of sneaking out but that it was you who did it. She knew several girls who snuck out before but you were the last person she expected to do so. “W-what? To where? Were you the ones who took the bus?”

You blinked cluelessly. “Bus? No, no, we often went to the prayer garden at night.”

Ingrid let out a sigh of relief, realizing that you two had very different concepts of sneaking out. 

“I… I don’t think that’s a big deal honestly.” She cautiously said, not wanting you to find out some people were actually sneaking out. “I doubt the sisters would be that mad about that. Just say you two wanted to pray. They can’t get mad at that.”

You hesitated. You looked over to your friend who you’ve known all these years. There were times you’d chat about personal things, sad moments, and doubts but you never really discussed anything too personal. But Ingrid… she was the only other person here you could fully trust to open up to — well, aside from Alexia. 

“There’s something else.” You started.

“What is it?” Ingrid looked at you quizzically.

You hesitated. “I… I’m starting to get…” Your voice trailed off.

Ingrid squeezed your hand. “I won’t judge. I promise and I swear to God.”

You sighed deeply before whispering. “I think I have feeli—” 

“Ingrid! There you two are!” You both jumped at the sound of Sister Jude suddenly appearing from the end of the hallway. The plump sister waved her hands to summon you two. “Please make haste, we don’t have all day.” 

You looked at Ingrid who had a curious, wide-eye look on her face but you decided against continuing your statement. Instead, you just gently tugged at her to gesture for her to jog to the sister’s office.

Having not had enough exercise, you were a bit winded by the time you got to the office while Ingrid was breathing normally, the athlete that she was.

As soon as you opened the door, you were met by the sight of Alexia’s familiar back, turned and standing with her hands clasped behind her back to face the Sister Superior who was sitting behind her desk with a sour expression. 

When the heavy wooden door opened further, you saw an unfamiliar person.

A tall, dark-haired girl wearing a black shirt and pants was sitting on the side opposite Alexia. She turned around to look at you as you entered. She had a strained and frustrated expression but it was undeniable that she was pretty.

You looked behind to Ingrid who comfortably nodded at you, gesturing for you to go on as she waited outside the office.

As soon as the door shut behind you, the sister superior began talking again. You moved closer to stand by Alexia, who glanced up at you briefly before looking back down. You stood quietly, trying to figure out what was happening.

Alexia’s demeanor was noticeably different. The confidence and the aura that she typically exuded suddenly gone, replaced by a heavy energy. You turned your attention to the sister who seemed frustrated.

Sister Philomena’s voice broke the silence, her tone sharp. “Alexia was sent here to heal from her past and seek redemption,” she said, pointing a finger at the dark-haired girl. “You cannot just walk into our sacred institution and tempt her back into your sinful lifestyle.”

The unfamiliar girl rolled her eyes. “I don’t see the problem, sister.” She responded, voice dripping with animosity. “Is Alexia a prisoner? Hell, even prisoners have more rights. Why can’t her friends visit her?”

The nun slammed her hand flat on the table. “This is precisely the problem. You think Alexia is a prisoner when she is here to grow and learn.” Her voice rang through the office. “And you did not come here to visit her. You trespass into our premises, asking her to run away and leave. This is not a visitation.”

You flinched at the harshness of the nun’s words. Sister Philomena turned toward you. “Tell this girl how visitation works here, so she understands.”

You blinked, caught off guard, and repeated the rules as best as you could. “When friends or family want to visit, they fill out a visitation form—”

“Precisely,” Sister Philomena interrupted. “But you didn’t come here to visit. You came to seduce Alexia and drag her away from God.”

“Seduced?” you whispered, your mind reeling at the accusation. Alexia must have taken notice because she quickly shook her head. 

“I’m not some demonic temptress like you’re making me out to be,” The girl chided with a mocking laugh. “You are all acting like I’m some evil person for wanting to see Alexia after everyone took her away from me! God forbid I want to see my girlfriend after she’s disappeared for months.”

Your heart stopped beating. Girlfriend?

You glanced over at Alexia then to the girl. Even with the girl being sat down on the chair, you could tell she was perhaps as tall as Alexia. She exuded the same confident aura. Even if Alexia never opened up about crushes, you never would have thought she’d actually be in a relationship, which felt like betrayal. Why wouldn’t she tell me she had a girlfriend? And… why would she act like that with me if she had one?

Your train of thought was suddenly broken when the nun’s voice loudly echoed through the room. Sister Philomena’s voice grew louder, more forceful with every word. “Homosexuality is a sin, plain and simple,” she said, her eyes blazing with what she surely believed was righteous indignation. “It is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord, a corruption of His holy design. And you, girl, are no better than the serpent in the garden, seeking to lead Alexia down a path of damnation.”

You clutched your heart subconsciously, feeling affected and shaken by her words. You could feel your hands quiver as the scene unfolded. Sister Philomena had always been intimidating but you’ve never seen her this frustrated and intense. It was frightening. Not to mention what she was saying was starting to get to you, digging into your own guilt.

The sister stood up from her chair, still standing quite tall despite her seniority. “Her grandparents sent her here, to this sacred institution, to be healed, to be purified. They entrusted us with their beloved granddaughter, hoping that we could erase the darkness that had consumed her heart. This place is meant to protect her from the evil influences of the world, to bring her back to the fold, back to the love and grace of the Lord.”

Suddenly, Sister Philomen’s eyes darted to you. “We surround her with kind people, righteous people like her.” She pointed at you. The dark-haired girl’s glare shifted to you, making you feel even more nervous. “She is the type of company Alexia needs to heal and to repent. Her friends and peers in this institute have been working tirelessly to guide Alexia to the righteous path.”

You looked down on your shoes, unsure of what to feel with the Sister’s words. This wasn’t the first time that you had to stand in a room with the nun and another student being admonished. You quickly learned your role in all of this — the ideal student to be made an example to the wrongdoer. After this session, you were expected to confide in the students, pray with them, and tell them more gently how they can improve.

It was never easy for you, having to assume that role. But now, it felt less like a challenge and more like a heavy cross to bear on your back.

Turning her attention back to the dark-haired girl, Sister Philomena’s expression hardened, her voice dripping with venom. “Your very presence here, your words, your actions, are a poison to her soul. You are the temptation, the forbidden fruit. You are what lures her into the darkness, and she has no hope of finding salvation with you by her side. What kind of life is it that you offer her? A life of sin, of shame, of eternal separation from God. That is the future you are promising her.”

The nun put a hand on her temples, starting to feel nauseous from the anger. The younger nuns in the room urged her to sit back down, patting her back to calm her down. She took a deep breath, looking at some of the documents scattered on her desk, mindlessly organizing them to calm herself down.

Her voice softened only slightly as she looked up again at the girl. “You are not a savior. You are a predator, preying on a fragile soul, and you will not be allowed to continue poisoning Alexia’s spirit. We will not allow it. She will live a better life without you. We will make sure of it.”

The dark-haired, tattooed girl let out a smug chuckle. “What kind of life is it where you’re called a sinner for being who you are?” she spat, her voice not loud but firm. “She’s not living here. She’s suffering here. Clearly.”

Sister Philomena shook her head. “Enough.” She ordered. “If you don’t want us to call the police for trespassing and damaging personal property, you need to leave. Now.”

The girl clenched her jaw before shaking her head. As a last resort, she turned to Alexia who was still unmoving, head held down. “Alexia, please. You don’t belong here. Come with me. We can leave this place together.” She turned to the sisters. “You’re old enough to just leave this place and live your truth. Come on, you can decide for yourself.” 

Alexia stood still, her gaze fixed on the floor. She didn’t move, didn’t react. You watched in silent disbelief as the younger nuns approached the tall girl, putting hands on her shoulders. “Alexia, please.” She said as she tried to reach for Alexia’s hands. This time, the nuns firmly held her so that she couldn’t move towards Alexia. “Do you really want to stay here?”

Alexia stood, unmoving. The girl scoffed and shrugged the hands on her shoulders away. “I can go on my own.” She barked out. “Fine, if you wanna stay here and get converted into some bible thumper then live your life, Alexia.” 

She looked one last time at Alexia, then at you. “These people don’t actually love you, just remember that.”

It felt targeted somehow — the way she looked at you as she spat those words out. You knew she had no idea of what you meant to Alexia and what you felt for her but you still can’t help but feel it was a personal dig at you.

The door slammed behind the girl as she left, The weight of the revelation hit you like a ton of bricks, and you stood frozen, staring at the empty doorway. The silence hung for a moment before Sister Philomena cleared her throat. “Alexia,” She called out in a firm but not angry voice.

Finally, Alexia raised her head. That’s when you noticed that her face was tear-stained and her eyes bloodshot despite the firm, un-emoting look on her face. “Yes, sister?”

“Did you make any contact with Jennifer Hermoso prior to this?” She asked sternly.

“No, sister.” She responded firmly.

“Do you wish to continue your stay in this institute?” The sister asked quizzically. 

Alexia’s eyes flickered to you for a moment before quickly returning to the senior sister. “Y-yes, sister.”

The nun hummed, rubbing her temples. “And do you understand why you’re here? Why it is in your best interest to be her?” 

No hesitation came from Alexia. “Yes, sister.”

The nun seemed satisfied, nodding her head. “Okay, seeing this incident is not your fault,” She started. “Let it serve as a test of your faith and your strength. I will not admonish you but I will simply remind you to pray over your situation diligently.”

Alexia nodded. 

“I will have the junior sisters talk to you later but for now, you two return to your dorm room.” Sister Philomena ordered. She then pointed her pen at you. “I trust you two will have a fruitful conversation together as well. Hence, I’ll have you both excused for morning classes. Understood?”

You nodded at the nun, confirming with her that you got her silent instruction to do what you always did — force the troublemaker back into the rightful path. 

This time, though, you feel like you’ve also been led astray. Blind leading the blind.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ACT IV. Damned to the End From the Start

You and Alexia were joined by Ingrid as you made your way back to the dorm buildings. Ingrid kept glancing at you, her expression a mix of concern and silent questions, as if willing to speak up and explain what had happened. You raised a hand in a subtle gesture, signaling her to wait. The tension hung heavy between the three of you, amplified by Alexia’s silence. She walked alongside you, her arms folded, her gaze fixed ahead. Not once did she look at you or reach for your hand. The distance, both physical and emotional, was unsettling.

Once you got to your dorm, Alexia slipped inside without a word, leaving you in the hallway with Ingrid. Ingrid turned to you, her wide eyes filled with disbelief. “I can’t believe how harsh she was to Alexia,” she whispered, her voice tinged with anger and sadness.

You bit your lip, partially surprised by Ingrid’s sympathy. You had always assumed people defended the sisters’ stances without question — you certainly had in the past. But this time was different. This time, the weight of their words had hit too close to home, and Ingrid’s reaction was a small but meaningful relief.

Before you could think about your actions, you just pulled Ingrid into a hug, startling the taller girl. “Thank you for being with us, Ingrid.” You murmured, voice soft but sincere. “Really. Thank you.”

Ingrid blinked, clearly surprised by your affection. “I don’t know what I did to deserve this, darling,” she said with a gentle laugh, her tone warm despite her confusion. “But I’m glad my presence meant something to you.”

When you pulled back, she rested her hands on your shoulders, her touch steady and reassuring. “If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.”

You sighed and nodded, thinking about whether or not you should open up to her at that moment. You still weren’t sure what to feel. For now, you just excused yourself. “Thank you,” you said again, offering her a small smile. “But I need to check on Alexia first. She needs me.”

Ingrid nodded, her expression understanding. “Of course,” she said, stepping back to give you space. “Take care of her. And yourself.”

With a final nod, you turned and entered your dorm room, closing the door softly behind you. You could immediately see Alexia curled up on her bed, facing the wall. The sight of an upset Alexia was something new. In the past months, you’ve seen all versions of Alexia – happy after you say something that made her laugh, sad over a movie, pissed off after a bad football training session, teasing almost all the time. But this devastated, silent Alexia… it was not a thing you’ve ever thought you’d encounter.

You stepped cautiously, sitting on the edge of her bed. “Alexia…” Your voice trailed off. “Look, what Sister said… I’m sure she… Well…” You kept losing confidence in what you were saying. Even you felt lost in the situation, deeply conflicted by the situation.

“Not in the mood for a sermon,” Alexia grunted out, burying her head in her pillow.

You felt a pang in your heart. ��Alexia…” You started again cautiously. “I-I’m sorry that that happened. None of it was your fault. Sister Philomena just takes student safety seriously and y’know, a trespasser…”

“You know that’s not what I’m upset about,” Alexia interrupted, her voice sharper now, though it trembled with emotion.

You swallowed hard, nodding even though she couldn’t see you. “I know,” you admitted quietly, sighing as the words you wanted to say slipped further away. After a beat of silence, you asked gently, “Do you want to leave?”

At that, Alexia shifted slightly, her hand brushing against her cheek as she wiped her eyes. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft, fragile. “I don’t want to leave, monjita.” The words came out in a croak, and she sniffled as though holding back more tears.

Your hands itched to reach for her, to wipe away her tears and pull her into your arms. But something held you back — maybe fear of overstepping, maybe the invisible walls Alexia seemed to have built around herself at that moment. So you stayed where you were, your voice gentle as you replied, “I’m glad you’re staying. I… I like having you here, Alexia.”

A pause. “Even after you learned why I’m here?” 

“Yes, of course, Alexia.” You comforted her immediately. “Nothing changed for me. Your girlfriend… whatever happened between you two is in the past. It’s none of my business.”

“Ex,” She corrected. “Ex-girlfriend.”

You nodded, weirdly comforted by the way she corrected you. Silence befell the dorm room again, disturbed only by the sound of sniffling. You wanted to say so much but there was not a single coherent thought.

“Monjita,” Alexia whispered, her voice trembling and soft, breaking the heavy silence in the room. Your heart warmed at the use of her endearment with a gentle tone. She glanced at you carefully. “Do you think I’m… wrong for who I am? Do you hate me?”

Her words hit you like a blow to the chest. The mere thought that Alexia, who carried so much strength and warmth, could believe you might judge or reject her for something as intrinsic as her identity made your throat tighten. Your eyes began to sting, tears threatening to spill. Without a second thought, you leaned over to Alexia. You got a closer look of her reddened, tear-stained face. 

You used your hand to wipe her tears and the hair that stuck to her face. “Alexia, you’re not wrong for who you are.” You whispered. “And, I could never hate you.”

Her glassy eyes met yours, uncertainty flickering within them. “Yeah?” she asked hesitantly, as though daring to hope you truly meant it. Her hazel eyes flickered as tears threatened to spill again. “Then why haven’t you been talking to me?”

You gulped, looking away for a moment before looking back at her. “Alexia,” you started. “I promise you it was all on me. I was struggling with being close to someone. You know me… I haven’t had a best friend since I was a kid. It’s been hard for me to adjust… to being close to someone.” You paused, struggling to find the words.

Alexia lifted your head up by placing a hand on your chin. “Does it have to do with me being…” She trailed off.

“No, no,” You shook your head and gave her a small, reassuring smile. You hesitated for just a moment before leaning in, pressing a tender kiss to her moist cheek. “I promise, you haven’t done anything to drive me away.” You whispered, your voice filled with conviction.

Something in her expression softened, and then she shifted, turning fully to face you. Without warning, she sat up and pulled you into her arms, wrapping them tightly around you as though she was trying to hold herself together. You returned the hug, feeling the weight of her emotions as her face pressed into your shoulder. The world outside seemed to fade as the two of you sat there, wrapped in a moment that felt achingly fragile and impossibly intimate

When Alexia pulled back, her hands slid up to cradle your face. Her thumbs lightly brushed your cheeks, and you could feel the warmth of her palms against your skin. The intensity in her eyes made your breath hitch. Her gaze flickered between your own, and then down to your lips. She brushed over your cheek again with her thumb, gentle against your own skin. As Alexia moved closer, you felt your own eyes flutter nervously.

Just as Alexia was about to move closer, the door creaked open, the sound cutting through the tension like a blade. Both of you jumped, your hearts racing as though you’d been caught doing something forbidden. 

Ingrid popped in, standing in the doorway, equally surprised to see you both wide-eyed and surprised. “Oh, sorry, was I…” She trailed off.  “Was I… interrupting something?”

You quickly shook your head, your face burning. “No, it’s fine,” you managed, your voice higher than usual.

Ingrid lingered awkwardly for a moment before clearing her throat. “Sister Catherine sent me to call Alexia over,” she said, her tone careful, as if trying not to pry.

Alexia straightened, wiping her face hurriedly with the sleeve of her sweater. “Oh… uh… of course,” she muttered, her voice still thick with emotion. She glanced back at you as she stepped toward the door, her eyes apologetic and heavy with unspoken words. 

As the door clicked shut, the silence filled the room and the only sound you could hear was your heartbeat in your ears. You stared at the space Alexia had just vacated, your thoughts spinning.

Did we almost…

The guilt hit at the thought you were not even able to finish as the horrible feeling drowned you. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d done something wrong. You liked Alexia… you cared for her and not much changed for what you feel for her. But, the guilt you had already took root in your gut. It was something that you’ve lived with all your life. Even if you wanted to shake off the feeling, it felt incredibly difficult.

You laid on Alexia’s bed, staring at the ceiling as all the emotions filled you.

Alexia had to sit through multiple sessions with the sisters, which was tiring, to say the least. She hated being lectured by the older nuns the most; one can only listen to 'being gay is a sin' so many times. The more junior nuns were more tolerable but it still wasn’t any fun. They may not have condemned Alexia for being gay but they did say that she shouldn’t 'act on her homosexuality.'

It was just tiring and by the time they were done with Alexia, it was already dinner time.

She was too nervous to eat around the sisters so she hadn’t eaten all day, leaving her with a rumbling stomach. She trudged along to the cafeteria, heading to her usual table. However, this time, something seemed off.

Alexia set down her plate of potatoes and beef as she looked around. “Where’s monjita?” She asked, using your nickname which she used so often that others have already associated it with you.

“She said she wasn’t hungry,” Ingrid responded as she picked at her potatoes. “She’s skipping dinner.”

Maria chewed on her food, gesturing that she was about to say something. As soon as she swallowed her mouthful of undercooked potatoes, she added, “I think she might be praying though. She said something about it when I saw her in the hallway”

“Oh,” Alexia said before sitting down, wondering why you would skip dinner when you typically were not the type to miss meals. She absentmindedly ate her food, mind still fixated on her.

Ingrid must have noticed the vacant expression in the Catalan’s eyes. “You good?” She asked carefully.

Alexia shook out of her catatonic state. “Yeah, yeah, just tired.” She responded. “Uh… did she explain why she’s missing dinner?”

Ingrid exhaled. “No, but she kinda looked upset when I last saw her.” She said. “She didn’t even want to talk to me.”

Alexia hummed as she nodded in response. After taking a nibble out of her food, she decided that she couldn’t sit there without knowing what was going on with you. She took a big gulp of water before standing up from the table, food barely touched. “Uh, I gotta go.”

“Oh,” Her teammates looked at each other cautiously. Ingrid carefully asked, “Alexia, are you sure you’re okay?”

Alexia gave a tight-lipped smile before nodding. “Yeah, just… not hungry.”

Ingrid, who had heard Alexia’s stomach rumble a while ago, didn’t believe her one bit but figured it would be best for Alexia to go on and find you. “Oh okay,” She said. “If you need anything, you know where to find us.”

Alexia gave a thankful look before leaving the cafeteria. The hallways were quite empty save for a few students returning back to their dorms. Alexia figured the best place to find you was back in your dorm room but as soon as she opened the door to your room, it was dark and empty. 

She sighed, walking aimlessly through the dorm building and the common rooms. She grew even more weary once she got to the library and found no trace of you. 

Fuck, where could she even be?

She paused. Suddenly, a familiar freshman passed by. She knew the girl from all the times she’d knock on your dorm room, asking to talk to you for some spiritual guidance. Alexia briskly walked towards the girl. “Anna.” 

The freshman turned around. She seemed shocked. “Oh, Alexia.” She said. “You scared me.”

Alexia looked at her apologetically. Perhaps, it wasn’t such a good idea to startle the kid in the middle of a dark hallway but she needed to find you as soon as she could. “Uh, have you seen Y/N anywhere? She skipped dinner.”

Anna nodded. “I came over to your room to ask advice about something but she said she had to go pray. Maybe in the chapel?”

Alexia peered out the windows, seeing that it was raining outside. “The chapel? Across the field?” She asked as if there was any other chapel. 

The freshman nodded. “Yeah… or the prayer room?” 

Alexia shook her head. “I was just there and she’s not there.” She bit her lip. “Okay, thank you, Anna.”

Alexia grew increasingly worried as she heard the thunderstorm worsen outside the dorm windows. Her heart started beating harder against her chest when she reached your shared room to find you’ve left behind your umbrella. Oh no, she must be stranded there.

Alexia didn’t hesitate to rush to you, growing increasingly worried about your wellbeing.

Little did she know, Anna’s hunch was right and you were praying at the chapel. However, you weren’t there because you were stranded. You’ve been staying there for hours, trying to avoid everyone and trying to seek for answers.

Answers for what? You didn’t even know. You just knew you were lost and that you needed guidance.

The dim flicker of candles cast long shadows across the chapel walls as you exhaled a deep, shuddering breath, your hands clasped tightly in prayer, your head bowed low. You had been kneeling for so long that your legs had gone numb.

“God…” You prayed out, losing track of things you’ve already prayed for previously. Your voice was soft but it felt amplified by the heavy silence in the dark and empty chapel. “I need you to send me a sign. Anything. I just need you to tell me you don’t hate me for who I am.”

Then, as if on cue, a deafening crack of lightning split the air outside, shaking the stained glass windows. You flinched, your heart racing as you lifted your tear-streaked face to glance toward the altar.

You sighed. “Is that the sign?” The words slipped out, dripping with doubt and hesitation. You felt ridiculous asking for clarification for a sign that might have seemed like an obvious disapproval. 

A lot of the sisters have told you that when you pray enough, God speaks to you with clarity, and at times, it did feel that way. But now, he just seemed… so far away and so silent.

Another thunderous clap echoed through the night, louder this time, shaking you to your core.

“If that is really your sign…” Your voice trailed off, trembling. “Then cleanse all the sin away. Cleanse all wrongful desires and replace it with something more pure.”

You paused as you felt the lump in your throat return for the nth time that night and felt your vision become blurry. “I-if you think what I feel for her is a sin… if I’m beyond saving…” You whispered before wiping your tears away, and speaking more firmly. “Then… the least you can do is take it all away. Wipe her from my mind. Take all of it — every memory, every feeling.”

As you said it, you could feel your heart break at the thought of forgetting Alexia. You could feel the sob you’ve been suppressing bubble up to the surface as you fall to pieces. Your body crumpled, collapsing from a kneeling position to sitting back on your legs. You buried your face in your hands, sobbing quietly, your cries muffled by the storm outside.

You couldn’t speak up anymore, feeling like each thunderclap was God’s way of admonishing you. The still statues of the saints seemed to tower over your crumpled posture, signifying just how low you’ve fallen.

“Please, God,” You cried out one last time. “Just… be here.”

At the moment, you felt so empty and alone in the chapel. However, unbeknownst to you, you haven’t been alone in the past few minutes. You’ve grown consumed by your sobs and your thoughts that you hadn’t noticed that Alexia had been lurking at the back of the chapel, carefully walking towards you.

She hadn’t heard much but she heard enough to conclude that you were here because of her. 

She stepped closer to you, her closed umbrella dripping on to the cold marble. The wind continued to rattle the stained glass windows, making the atmosphere feel even more tense. 

As you let out another sob, Alexia finally spoke up. “Are you praying that God will heal me?” Her voice cracked as she said it.

You nearly jumped at the voice cutting through the silence of the chapel. As you turned, your eyes locked with Alexia, standing a few pews back. It was dim — her face illuminated by the faint light of the lamps and candles — but her expression was clearly pained. Her hazel eyes glistened with unshed tears, her lips parted and quivering as if wanting to stay something but unable to. 

“D-do you think I’m a sin for liking women too?” she asked, her voice faltering. She was trying to sound firm and composed, but the cracks in her tone betrayed her.

You stood up from your kneeling position, walking towards the taller girl. “Alexia,” you said. “No, no — I wasn’t…”

“I thought you—” Alexia’s voice cracked. She looked down, shaking her head, before looking back up at you. “I’m so fucking stupid.”

“Alexia, please.” You reached for her hands, clasping them tightly in your own. “It’s not what you think. I wasn’t praying for that.” Your words tumbled out in a rush, defensive and desperate, as though you could will her to understand.

Alexia took her hand away from you. “Then what was all of that ‘erase all memory of her’ I was hearing?” Her voice quivered, blinking rapidly as a few drops of tears trailed down her face. “I thought… I thought you liked me.”

You reached over to her again, trying to touch her face but she backed away. You bit your lip, pained by the sight of her. She looked hurt. “Alexia, you’re misunderstanding…”

“How else can I interpret that?” Her voice was suddenly sharp, tinged with anger and pain. “What else could you mean? How am I supposed to feel when you’re in here begging God to erase me from your life?”

The emotions that bubbled inside of you made it harder for you to formulate a coherent sentence to explain to her just what you were praying about. “Alexia, I really…” You paused. “I was just asking Him for a sign.”

Alexia released a dry, hollow chuckle, obviously pained. “A sign that what? You should distance yourself from me? Because I’m some filthy homosexual dragging you to hell, isn’t that right?” You winced at Alexia’s tone as it cracked through the heavy air. 

“Alexia, stop—please!”

“No, you stop!” she snapped, her voice shaking with anger and grief. “You’re praying to forget me so you can go back to being perfect little monjita, right? So you can live your pure, saintly life without people like me ruining it?” Her lips curled in a bitter smile, her eyes glassy. “Because your god says I’m disgusting, doesn’t he? That people like me don’t deserve to exist?”

“Go ahead, fuck it,” She cursed, not letting you interject with her voice sharp and pointed. “I’ll stay away from you. I won’t bother you anymore just so you can be the perfect angel everyone thought you were again. I’ll stay away so your life can finally be cleansed from—”

Without even thinking twice, you stepped forward and wrapped both arms around Alexia’s waist, burying your head in her chest as you felt the sobs bubble up again. You clutched her tightly as your body shook. 

Startled, Alexia lost her train of thought and kept her hands to her sides, unmoving. When you looked up, she locked eyes with you and saw so much pain in your face. The tears continued to rush down your face with no sign of stopping. Your eyes were filled with a devastating expression that made her heart pang. 

“Alexia, I’m praying because…” Your voice cracked as you struggled to speak through the tears. “I think I like you… and that terrifies me.”

Alexia’s breath hitched, and her arms moved almost involuntarily, wrapping around you in a hesitant but protective embrace. She held you close, her mind racing as conflicting emotions surged through her. She felt confused as to how to feel because here you were, confessing your feelings just after she heard you pray that you forget about her.

Her hazel eyes searched yours as she pulled back slightly, her hands still resting on your shoulders. You could see the confusion and pain warring within her. “You were asking him to help you forget me,” she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “How am I supposed to believe you now?”

You stepped back, your hands trembling as you wiped at your tear-stained face. “Alexia, I…” You swallowed hard, trying to steady your voice. “I was saying things out of fear — out of confusion. This… this is all I’ve ever known,” you began, your voice cracking. “The church, my faith, my beliefs… they were my whole world.”

“And it was fine.” You said before looking up to Alexia, meeting her hazel eyes once again. “Until you came along.”

Alexia looked away from the eye contact, feeling it was too much for her to handle with the fear of dissolving into tears. You bit your lip and continued. “Then now, when I look back, everything that was… it felt wrong.” 

“You… you showed me,” You said, stepping again towards Alexia to touch her hand. “You showed me that I could be happy. Truly happy. Not just because I was told to be happy or because I felt like I had to be.”

Alexia looked up to you again, locking eyes with you again. But, this time, all the frustration was replaced with something else — her eyes misty and her expression soft. “Then why are you here?” She asked. “Why do you want to get rid of what we have… if I make you happy?”

You looked down, carefully holding on to Alexia’s hesitant fingertips. “I’m still afraid… what if…” You tried to choose your words carefully. “What if my feelings for you are wrong? What if we make that mistake and… we suffer…”

You couldn’t say it more tactfully or more carefully but Alexia could finally understand your internal conflict better. She puts a careful hand under your chin, lifting your head up to look up at her as she moved closer to you.

“Why would this be wrong?” she asked, her voice low but steady, her eyes burning with emotion. “Why would loving you — purely, wholly, completely — be a sin?”

You looked up at Alexia, feeling your breath hitch. Your eyes flickered from her eyes to her lips and back to her eyes.

God, you said silently in your head. If this is a sin, strike me with lightning now.

The air between you and the Catalan grew heavier as you both breathed. The silence filled the air with only the sound of the wind howling and the rain pouring on the roof.

You took a deep breath, eyes finding their way back to Alexia’s parted and anticipating lips. 

A pause. A breath held.

Then, suddenly, you were kissing her. Your lips crashed into hers with a fervor that felt almost primal, a hunger that had been building for far too long. Your arms wrapped around her tightly, as though letting go would send her slipping through your fingers, like sand in an hourglass.

Hwr hands found their way around your waist, pulling you closer as she deepened the kiss. Her lips pressed against yours, soft and sweet, yet insistent. She parted your lips slightly, her tongue teasing yours with a delicious mix of restraint and desire. The way your body molded against hers left her yearning for more, craving every piece of you. 

She’s kissed other girls before but nothing quite like this. Sure, it had the same passion and intensity. But kissing you went beyond passion. It was transcendence. 

Kissing you felt like kissing heaven.

You shared the same unspoken sentiment but to you, Alexia tasted like freedom. Her lips against yours just managed to melt away all your worries, all your doubts. With every careful yet firm touch on your waist and hips, it felt like your chains were being detached link-by-link and you were finally able to move unconstrained. 

Suddenly, you felt free.

As you became breathless, you pulled away from the taller girl, trying to catch your breath. You looked up at her, searching her own eyes for a response.

Alexia just smiled at you, letting you catch your breath, before taking your face again — her hands gentle but insistent. She leaned in and captured your lips with hers, kissing you in a way that left your face warm and your mind hazy.

It felt right: kissing her, holding her, being hers. Even for a stolen moment. 

There were still a lot of things for you two to worry about. For one, you still resided within the confines of this institution that would condemn you. But you couldn’t think of that at the moment. All you knew was you were kissing Alexia… and that was all that mattered now.

Inside that cold, unyielding chapel, kissing Alexia felt like soaring towards the sun — a forbidden warmth that melted away all the frigid pain inside you. It was a kind of warmth you’ve never felt in your life. It was the kind of warmth you’ve always craved to feel, without even knowing it.

But even Icarus — who sought to feel that same sensation of the satisfying heat — was undone when he flew too close to the sun. Before he could even realize it, his wax had melted and his wings had unraveled.

And came his devastating descent. 

chapter 2 🕊

a/n: let me know your thoughts. comments motivate me a lot <3

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

The First House Glow

The first house is the side of us that blooms when we first enter into the world. It is the energy we merged with and bring with us upon meeting new people and enjoying our experiences here. It is the first song we listen to upon birth, and throughout this life time we will listen to its words, time and time again.

Today, I present a short n sweet diary of small interps of each planet in this house. Enjoy <3

Sun in the 1st - A personality that is big and boastful. Light hearted and full of joy. A person you want to get to know and always keep on your side. It is as if they shine a light on your behalf, just so you can see the beauty that is life. Special individuals who's purpose is to show who they are no matter what the world tells them. Have angels by their side guiding them into the sun, as they we're born to be it after all.

Moon in the 1st - Empathetic souls who's desire to bring love into the universe is heard from the stars and is brought back down to them as a gift to us. These individuals carry a heart that heals the world in some way shape or form. Their desire to heal themselves helps others see the internal light that is in us all. They have an ability to see beyond what others wish for them to see, and whatever they show back to you is a blessing in disguise, truly.

Mercury in the 1st - Very patient individuals. Fun, loving, child-like creatures who's playfulness can cause an uproar. They will give you a round of emotions just dealing with them, but its alright. There is always a purpose in it. They enjoy the rollercoaster that life brings. They could be naughty or nice, like a sour patch kid. You never know what's truly up with them. They're tricky beings after all.

Venus in the 1st - A poised, graceful personality. A beautiful delight to the world and everyone knows it. They're chosen to be well-known for their looks, beauty & charm and they use this to their advantage. Delicate creatures who's joy brings people to a full stop. Having to take a picture before they go, just so they can hold onto it forever more. Very brilliant underneath the surface. Stick around longer, don't just keep staring at em!

Mars in the 1st - Wise, strong, gifted creators of their world. They take all of their strength and vigor and find the path worth taking. Their confidence is looked upon as something that most people would never be able to conquer themselves. How do they get up each day without a care in the world? Even when the world is constantly throwing stones, they pick them up and throw them right back. Or, they make a special throne out of them. Glued together with sticks and used as a comfort seat for all the times people tried to hurt them, but they always got back up wiser and stronger every time.

Uranus in the 1st - The Impeccable, brilliant star has to back to earth to show us what they're really made of. The lightening that strikes before the storm. They are comfortable in their universe and as should you. A compass of the future, and a super star that ignites the flame in those who need it for themselves. Energy healers who's code is to open up the minds of a few, to prepare for world domination. Stellar individuals who's experience isn't like anyone elses. Simply came to be a new version of society.

Neptune in the 1st - Angels of the delight. The muse of the heavens. The imagination is their physical experience. Whatever it is they wish to see, it comes true times three. In the mind, soul and body, they become the world that is inside of themselves, and they bring it out for you all to watch. Compassionate hearts that lead them to the true path. That is to connect to the highest waters that reaches to the divine. Only here for a little while, to show the universe what the heart wants.

Jupiter in the 1st - Captivating auras who's presence takes us on a journey with God. Divine experiences can happen at any moment. You call it luck, while they call it a blessing. Only the real will survive with this placement. Their optimism is more of a medicine than something that you just do. They came a long way just to get there, and in no way shape or form will anyone ruin it. Life changing experiences happen only once and a lifetime, and they can tell the difference between that and something that isn't aligned with their true calling.

Pluto in the 1st - Precise thinkers. Level headed warriors. Strong survivors of the life they once lived, and only they know what it is like to live a certain way and come out on top. They do not hold on to lasting behaviors that drain them, they conquer their deepest desires by hunting for the deep, darkest part of themselves and opening a doorway for that new reality to enter. Very special people when you get to know them, they never hide in the dark for long.

Saturn in the 1st - Capable of anything because their hearts beg for it. If they want it they always go for it with a strong mind.No one can stop them from enjoying the fruits of their labor because they sought after it for years on end. Mature individuals that depend on themselves more than anyone, and their beautiful souls go on an every lasting journey to find it. Smooth, charismatic individuals who are looked up to by others. Can be very sweet, when they want to be.

I hope you all enjoyed this one ! Let me know what you think in the comments !

[earthstellar]

Earth Music on the Lost Light: Human Music That Cybertronians Like

we know for a fact that the Lost Light has access to human media, primarily movies, TV shows, and music-- and we know they generally seem to fucking love most of it, or at least find it interesting

but what would everyone's tastes be, in regards to Earth music?

time to talk about music for a long time!!! strap in, enjoy some tunes

we already know Cyclonus has impeccable taste and enjoys some of the best jams the 80s had to offer.

I can't help but imagine Rodimus being given a media archive of Earth tunes to approve for the Earth Dance would only result in chaos

(it's not like he would say no to anything, he absolutely blanket signed it all, it's just an obligatory thing-- or Ultra Magnus tells him it is, solely to keep him away from Important Captain Things that he would rather handle himself or hand off to Megatron, lmao. the shit that really needs to get done)

and this is how Rodimus discovers the somewhat questionable yet amazing genre of "mid-90s underground techno rave mix tapes"

(somewhat related, I still think Testarossa might as well be Rodimus' theme song, although it's not a 90s track and has more of an 80s synth vibe)

Rodimus would love that "computers are the future, fuck yeah let's make Digital Cool Future Music" mid-90s shit, there is no way he would not. it has the exact energy level that appeals to him and is also cheesy and weird and chaotic. and has like 500 different sub-genres, so his selection is endless, lmao.

he would probably find it cute that this is what humans imagined to be the peak of "digital sound" at the time. like lmao this was the best humans could do when asked to create music that sounds like it was made by robots or other mechanical space future cyber lifeforms--high concept!!! he would probably find it interesting and endearing. this is what organics think non-organic music is like!!

anyone acting as DJ at Swerve's on any given night would be so, so mad that Rodimus keeps requesting shit like "DJ MASSIMO ITALO DISCO BEST RAVE TUNES LIVE FROM LONDON 1995" or "DJ ARMPIT SLUDGE FEST HOUSE-RAVE-DRUMS N BASS SET 1996" for them to play, lmao

not individual tracks. the whole album. entire mix tapes of random, somewhat questionable mid-90s techno house rave bullshit.

that having been said, that good ass early 90s trance techno might send him into a spiral depending on his mood at the time, lmao (it's been known to happen)

but at the same time I can imagine him sharing tracks like Solar Quest - Space Pirates with Drift and they'd both just sit there and jam out, but quietly, thinking about shit while sitting in a port window next to each other (this was peak sleepover party techno, Back in My Day-- many deep conversations were had while listening to stuff like this, lol)

Drift would probably find some of Rodmus' recommended stuff to be pretty good for meditation-- although once he finds out about the human drug culture involved and certain concepts of experimental consciousness etc. that surrounded techno/rave and other related genres, it might cause him to pull back a little bit

(until he finds out about kandi culture, in which case, Drift would love the idea of hand-made unique bracelets and sentimental trinkets being made and exchanged at warehouse shows purely out of Good Vibes and Love for Fellow Beings and it turns out actually he fucking loves this shit, a chill vibes based "expand your mind" kind of music subculture appeals to his Spectralist sensibilities and he likes sharing tunes with Rodimus in return)

Drift picking tracks on his own would likely lead him down more of a classic rock road, but more of the chill side of things, more of the folksy type of classic rock -- I can see Drift really enjoying Spirit in the Sky - Norman Greenbaum or California Dreamin' - The Mamas and the Papas. or like, Incense and Peppermints - Strawberry Alarm Clock.

I mean, Drift might even go Full Earth Hippie and end up liking Green Tambourine - Lemon Pipers, lmao. in fact I am fairly certain of this.

I can see Drift loving Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In - The 5th Dimension. the whole vibe would probably appeal to him.

he'd quite possibly also like I Need a Dollar - Aloe Blacc, but it hits him in a place that still hurts to think about. so it's in rare rotation.

meanwhile Ratchet would probably be fine with classic rock too, like the good Dad Rock shit, just a lot of tracks from the 70s/80s -- a couple tracks he and Drift could probably agree on would likely lean more into the experimental/psychedelic rock side of things, like White Room - Cream or something like Wheel in the Sky - Journey

Rodimus tries to troll Ratchet by recommending Old Time Rock n Roll - Bob Seger, but joke's on him because it turns out Ratchet loves it, lmao

Swerve would go all out on classic bar jams for the evening playlist. Chill, good shit like Do It Again - Steely Dan.

Megatron would love Sinnerman - Nina Simone; He'd send it to Drift in a command crew level secured data packet, and they would both feel the hell out of this song. They don't need to talk about why. They never mention it to each other.

Megs would also probably love These Old Bones by Dolly Parton (mostly due to the lyrics, rather than the upbeat tune, but he would find it relatively relaxing), as well as 9 to 5 (of course), and similar music. Country from back in the day when country music was more about the struggle of poverty and the working life of rural people. Country music from back when songs told all the untold stories. He can respect that.

He'd listen to You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive by Patty Loveless and it would get him right in the fucking spark. Megatron is the Cybertronian equivalent of an Appalachian miner, god dammit. He understands.

Megatron would also like Johnny Cash; He would overthink Ghost Riders in the Sky and it would depress him, partly because it reminds him of Seekers... sigh.

I think he'd also like Cold War - Janelle Monae. He'd be way into good lyrics; What's being said in a song matters most to him. "This is a cold war, you better know what you're fighting for..." Indeed.

anyway I like thinking about what jams Cybertronians might like from their available selection of Earth tunes

[kunosiu]

My top 10 favorite Arashi's Music Videos

To celebrate the 25th anniversary and the fact that MV are now available on YouTube (what a time to be alive...) I wanted to compile a top 10 list of my favourite Arashi's MVs. And it turned out to be quite hard. My last cut from the list ("truth") was painful. 😭 But I did it.

Just couple of things before we start.

This is my very subjective list. If your favourite MV isn't here, I'm sorry, we just have different taste.

I'm choosing basted on the MV itself. For example, I love "I seek" as a song; it's my go to karaoke song, but MV for it is... Not my cup of tea to say the least. In other cases, like "Bittersweet", live performances outshines MV itself.

MVs are in chronological order. Don't make me rank them, I can't 😭

And now, without further ado...

1. A･RA･SHI

What can I say? It's their first MV, it's their debut song... It's iconic. It's also nice to see how far they've come. They are still babies here. 😭

2. Kitto Daijoubu

I honestly forgot about this until I was watching all MVs on November 3rd. And omg, it's so fun! The bad green screen, 4th wall breaks, rainbows, Arashi acting silly... it has it all!

3. Happiness

Let's be honest: you knew this was coming. If someone held a gun to my head I asked me to choose one of Arashi's MV as my favourite, I'd choose "Happiness". Aeons ago, someone said that this MV is 100% Arashi in Arashi and I can't disagree. You have it all: Arashi acting silly, pure chaos, Ohmiya... A LOT OF OHMIYA. And some small moments for other pairings too. xD

And it was also the first MV of them I saw.

4. Crazy Moon~kimi wa muteki~

This maybe an unorthodox choice because it's a very simple dance MV... And that's the reason I chose it. Arashi don't have any other video like this. Just them dancing to the song in an empty hall. Without any backdrop or outfit change. They had to sell it to us by just dancing. And I think they succeeded. The choreography is interesting and bravo to the stylist because I think they all look so good here.

5. My Girl

Story MVs are rare in Arashi videography. Practically just "Aozora pedal" and "My Girl". And since my best friend hates MV to "Aozora pedal", I have to choose "My girl" xD

But in all seriousness, it's really cute story where Arashi play siblings who are moving out of their family home after the death of their mother. Their mom is Photoshop monstrosity made of different parts of members' faces xD But MV it's cute nonetheless.

I remember all the fan fiction this video inspired... Good times... xD

6. Troublemaker

This is the first MV I remember waiting for. And I don't wanna say it is here just because of nostalgia. I think it's just really good video on its' own merits. I like stop-motion sequences, I think those suits are impeccable outfits and... there's a lot of Ohmiya. xD Look, I'm a simple gal, if Ohno and Nino are acting cute together, I'm putting the video on this list. xD

7. Aozora no shita, kimi no tonari

I think this maybe another unexpected entry. It's not a very popular MV. It's very simple. And maybe that's why I like it. It was shoot in outdoor locations; stylists again done wonderful job - they all look so good. I love their individual shoots, especially Aiba sitting on the edge a platform looks angelic. And the bbq at the end... ♥ This MV just feels cosy.

8. Fukkatsu Love

It's just good, I don't know what else to tell you guys. I love the parts they shoot in those long takes... Touma is there! It's just so good!

9. Don't You Get it

Another obvious entry I think. They all look good here, they all acting goofy, Sho and Nino do magic tricks, Ohno has hilarious face expressions whenever you pause the video, there's a doggie and Ohmiya dance (I've told you, guys xD)

10. Do you...?

We started with the their first MV, it's appropriate to end at their last. (AT THIS MOMENT! I HOPE 😭) "Do you..." if wonderful homage to Arashi's journey, full of easter eggs to all the previous MVs. And it might be its' only flaw - that it doesn't work so well in a vacuum. But if you were on November 3rd 2020 when this MV and Arashi's last album dropped, you were feeling it. You were crying, you were smiling and you tried to notice all the references to previous MVs. Maybe even at the same time. xD

And that's all. 😊 Thank you if you made it here. Please let me know your favourite MVs! As I've said, this is very subjective list and I had to cut off a lot of MV I love to make it just 10 videos T_T.

[p-h03n1-x]

QQ Album information about Xiao Zhan’s first solo album 我们 (We/Us)

The album "We" contains a total of 10 songs, about me, about you, about him/her, about the emotions that everyone may encounter, or the relationships between people in this big city.

Each song attempts to tell the story of "I" in different states, encountering or exploring various emotions and various perceptions. Some are often easily ignored, while others are mixed with various feelings and difficult to describe, which just constitutes a three-dimensional, rich, and similar individual experience. Through the combination of songs, it will trigger familiar emotions and provide listeners with a space to freely experience the flow of emotions. You don't have to laugh when you are happy, you may not cry when you are sad, you will do something besides being in a daze when you are lonely, and you will cheer when you feel happy... Allow and accept all the emotions of joy, sadness, loneliness, despair, pain, confusion, etc. If you can't reconcile them in the individual, observe it, experience it, witness it, don't escape or hide, and face the real and complex self.

Perhaps each of us is an observer of this world, and each individual is also a unique experimenter of this world. As individuals that exist independently and overlap with each other, how can we exist in this undefinable and ever-changing space, and how can we blend in and remain unique? Most of us cannot avoid wandering in the space of reinforced concrete, meeting all kinds of people, and exploring in person. Time is hard to turn back. We meet, confront, and communicate with different people "face to face", and then "back to back" with many people, and gradually go further and further away. Understanding, recognition, trust, choice and being chosen are always our happy expectations, but perhaps, in many cases, the results are often not satisfactory. Whether life unfolds as hoped or not, can we keep the pace and continue to move forward according to the set goals, or constantly adjust ourselves and explore new paths.

Whether we can find a resonance among ourselves, you, him/her, the inner emotions of individuals and the connection with the world, and gain an extra balance point, so that "we" can be more stretched and relaxed, and have more self-consistency and reconciliation, is the emotional experience that the entire album hopes to reach.

Song Concept

"us"

As civilization has developed, we have continued to make progress. Everyone seems to live within the norms of secular morality, following suit, hoping to be kind and strive to be a universal "good person". But no matter what stage we are in, we will inevitably experience all kinds of things. How can we maintain our tenacious vitality and be an undefeated "good person"?

"All the same"

The long river of life is like a street. You and I are all travelers, coming and going in a hurry. There are eight out of ten things in life that are not satisfactory. Perhaps we were once confused, lonely, and could not see the direction clearly. Everyone who has hesitated and stayed for a short time, the troubles and happiness are actually "the same". After the self-dissolution, with the exploration and thinking of the possibilities of self, we still have to move forward. Pause for a short time, but do not stop.

"reduction"

We often dress ourselves up in an impeccable shell, arm ourselves, and hide our weaknesses. Under the masks of various shapes and colors, there are pasts that have been beaten and sharpened. People who are wrapped up in the past hide their scars and are accustomed to saying one thing and thinking another. Face our truest feelings, do not escape, and learn to accept ourselves. Give "me" back to me and become a better "me".

fluorescent"

The "fluorescent light" in the night light, though weak, is still a reliable light. All living beings are so similar. Through the screens, the "fluorescent lights" that once faintly scattered light gathered together, gradually entered the public's field of vision, and lit up their own world. In the interaction with the world again and again, I balance my pride, pursue the unknown, and encourage my helpless self. The whole song uses elements such as pedals, breathing, and strings. The piano sound with a strong woody feel is also presented in the performance, as if there are sparks from charcoal burning in the fire. Just as the song wants to express, even the weak glow of fire will become an indispensable light to illuminate the darkness. Hide

Album details

Release time: 2024-11-12

Record company: Xiao Zhan Studio

Type: Studio Album

[gophergal]

I know fuck all about tf2 except for character names. Most I got is you and a few other mutuals posts, and they're 10/10. How does the game..... work exactly? Like is there plot? Is it first person shooter sort of thing? Is there a tf1?

I could google it but that's not nearly as fun

OH BOY GET READY FOR THE B I G R AM B L E

WHAT THE FUCK IS TF2?

It's a team based first person shooter published by Valve (of portal and half life fame) in 2007 with nine classes to choose from, each with strengths countered by other classes (for example, the Spy is often a counter against the Sniper and Engineer. Respectively, by picking off the Sniper with a quick, stealthy backstab or by destroying the Engineer's machines). The game has been free to play since 2009 (i think. grain of salt please), and has a healthy playerbase to this day, aside from the bots. But not every tf2 fan actually plays the game. I play sometimes, but mostly just rotate the characters in my brain like a microwave burrito.

It is ALSO, however, a multimedia franchise. Aside from the game, which shows off worldbuilding and characterization through the environment and character dialogue (as well as the update announcement flyers on the official blog), there are also animated shorts and comics created by Valve that further flesh out the world and characters of TF2. Frankly, I think you should give the Meet The Team shorts a go if nothing else. They're iconic. It's hard to pick favorites, but I'm partial to Meet the Medic (obviously), Meet the Engineer (which I can quote verbatim), and Meet the Sniper.

Broadly, the world and aesthetics of TF2 are based on 60's/70's cold war thrillers and spy movies. Think James Bond and the Manchurian Candidate. These impeccable vibes are then wrapped neatly in a cartoony artstyle that wasn't common at the time (and arguably still isn't. I'm pretending that fortnight doesnt exist, as is custom). On a related note, the soundtrack FUCKS SEVERELY. Like. They just DO. They have influence from Jazz, Funk, and miltary marching songs, with more specific influences for individual characters (ex: country western for engineer, polka for medic, and bagpipes for demoman)

An important thing to note is that every class is a play on some stereotype from the movies that inspired the vibes:

Heavy Weapons Guy is a husky ruskie and a man of few words, but he has hidden depths. He's a family man, most importantly, and has been supporting and protecting his mother and younger sisters since his father was killed when he was a teenager. He has a close bond with the Medic and speaks highly of the Engineer ("Engineer is credit to team!"). In a debatably canon piece of dialogue from TellTale's Poker Night At The Inventory, he is revealed to have a PhD in Russian Literature.

Engineer is a texan with 11 PhDs in hard science. He exudes southern hospitality and seems like the most sane man on the team. He also takes great joy in the death and destruction his weapons cause, and ALSO helps the Medic in performing deeply unethical experiments that go against the laws of nature for curiosity sake. He's the third in a line of engineers, btw, and his grandfather basically conquered death. Which isn't super relevant, but I feel is a good lead in to some of the wackier elements of this world I would like to mention.

And every character is like this to some degree. Some more so than others- Soldier is basically just "how american can a man be before it starts impacting his mental health" and Pyro is unknown in terms of nationality, gender, and background

TF2 has a plot by the way! Yes, there is a reason for these many dudes in funny hats to be fighting. They are fighting over gravel. Yeah. So, these two brothers are fighting over land willed to them by their father (who died in the 1890's) which is largely useless aside from having a lot of gravel. Their names are Redmond and Blutarch Mann, and they're the ceos of their own corporations. Reliable Excavation & Demolitions (RED) and Builder's League United (BLU) respectively. They each hired mercenaries to fight a proxy war for them with the goal of owning it all. All the while, a third party, The Administrator, has been playing both sides of the Gravel War to keep it going as long as possible. Why? It's a mystery...

RAPID FIRE TF2 WORLDBUILDING BULLSHITTERY BE UPON YE:

(most of this is just stupid shit that was made up for Pure Random Funny HaHa and has very little bearing on the plot, but tells you a LOT about the tone of the franchise)

Rocket Jumping (that is, shooting a rocket propelled grenade at your feet and crouch-jumping at the same time to launch yourself into the air) was a technique pioneered by Shakespearicles, the STRONGEST POET TO EVER LIVE. He also invented the concept of a Second Floor in a building

Btw, stairs were not invented when the second floor was invented. I want you to take a wild guess how people got to the second floor before stairs were invented. (hint: it involves explosives)

Stairs were invented by Abraham Lincoln. He died due to rocket jumping up said stairs which caused him to accelerate rapidly into a wall. He was also the first Pyro in the 1890s.

New Zealand sank below the ocean sometime in the 40's. By which I mean it was intentionally sank because a Jor-el knockoff believed that the world was ending and that going underwater was the only way to save the nation.

CisMpreg exists. This fact is Medic's fault.

OK But What About Team Fortress 1?

So, its. Not complicated but it's not exactly simple. Quick answer, the original TF game has nothing to do with TF2. Team Fortress was originally a mod for the game Quake and has the same basic gameplay premise as it's successors (team based FPS with 9 classes) and quite a few maps have actually been remade for TF2. It was released in 1996, so, as TF2 was taking A Very Long Time to complete, Valve released a sort of... updated version that was meant to hold fans over. It uses the half life 2 engine, I believe, and was released in 1999. It is called Team Fortress Classic and it's only a LITTLE confusing to research I swear.

TFC takes place in the same universe as TF2, but in the 1930's instead of the 60's. Ignore the scifi/modern looking tech. Don't worry about it. This has no bearing on TFC, really, because it was only confirmed in one of the comics released in 2014. The TFC team matters to the comic plot, but is otherwise kinda just. there. Like, they only exist in the Mann Co No More story line and otherwise just exist.

Fun fact: TFC (the game) was updated to change the ingame class models to more accurately represent the appearance given to them in the comics.

For example, look at the glow up given to the TFC Medic! (original on the left, updated on the right)

In Conclusion:

I will be surprised anyone actually reads all of this, but that is my rambling summary of what in the fuck TF2 is. To be fair, the game is richly detailed but also kinda sparse at the same time. Its all vibes and interpretation my dude. Honestly I think what has made TF2 so popular and long lasting (lore wise) is related to what early FNAF games had going on

[amnesiaskulls]

My silly drv3 experience so far (by someone who has yet to finish the game)(only prologue)

this post details me and my friends drv3 prologue experience. We are currently almost done with chapter 5, keep in mind that THERE MAY BE GAME SPOILERS FOR ANYTHING BEFORE DRV3 CHAPTER 6, last thing i wanna do is spoil a game for someone

before i get into the funny stuff (bear with me please) i just gotta give a little insight as to why my experience is so funny to me, skip to the green if you just wanna hear the stuff leading up to the actual experience, and to the pink just to quick skip to the prologue

my friends who I ran through with: @h3r0b0y and @rexecutioner, go take a look at their stuff, both of them are incredible artists who have content other than drv3 (this is also an excuse to tag them so they can fact check me)

pre-game experience (not required to understand, but recommended if you want backround info)

when i consume a new piece of media, usually its because ive seen things about it that i find cool or funny, or ive been told good things about it. In all honesty damn gone grandpa was never i game i thought i would ever get into or care about, because my only experience with it was some of the immature fans and one kid in middle school who liked it. I had only heard about the negative parts of the fandom from like 2018 (peak people misunderstanding character territory) even until like a year ago (wow so great of me to judge a game based on like 3 negative experiences wooww). during middle school, i also met my best friend (this is important later).

Another thing about our silly friend group is that Hero is great at improv (like really good, hes seriously one of the funniest people on earth) and Rex, my twin, is really good at making silly voices and VAing different characters with unique voices (they both are good at these things, but i wanna give them each individual credit). Im pretty amateur at both, but I can hold onto my voice a bit longer without having to take a break

The actual drv3 prologue experience

what we do with our amazing great and cool talents is dub over various pieces of media that we like or find funny, such as mystreet or mcsm. My best friend, Hero, is someone with impeccable taste in outfits and clothes in general, and owns a checkered bandana and was wearing it when me and Rex were over at his house, and kept talking about how “he would be compared to the twink from daganronpa” if he wore it out. The same day that Hero brought up the checkered bandana thing, we finished dubbing the last interesting piece of mystreet media, and now had nothing left to do. Being in the damn gone grandpa headspace with the whole kokichi thing, Hero suggested that we voice over it. The only things i knew about it was monokuma and kokichi because of the one banger fan song and the bandana kokichi wears. Im not exaggerating, I personally had no clue that there was more then one game, and at the time i still didn't care much about the game and didn’t think that we would get too far into it to care (we’re going through a 43 hour playthrough), i personally thought we would get bored after seeing kokichi and then quit (i was so wrong).

Our plan was that there was no plan except that we would mute the game and do all of the voices ourselves, not much thinking went into it. Also, no assigned characters other than kokichi, who went to Hero because it was his idea in the first place, just take whoever you want before someone else gets them

PROLOGUE

I actually have all of the prologue on video, as i like to look back on things to remember stupid details like jokes and predictions for the rest of the game so I can see how close we got. I will not be posting it anywhere for privacy reasons, so please respect that. Its also the only one i videoed for some reason, so its the only one I remember that well due to large time frames between sittings.

it started with the black nothingness and a voice, whom Rex claimed immediately, and used a slightly deeper voice for them thinking that it was a man. Its was infact not a man (there is a video clip of all three of us exclaiming “ITS A GIRL??” After kaede steps out of the locker) after we see the banging on the other locker, a boy falls out. I immediately decide that i get to be the pathetic emo, and while the voice tends to fluctuate a bit for a while, the voice i settle on is something akin to the snapcube silver the hedgehog voice. We run through the rest of the room stuff and get chased by exisals to the gym. (Another fun fact, due to a reading mistake i made, we have since called the exisals “exsials” like ex-ee-uls and i only noticed during chapter 5. Over 3/4s of the way through.)(im not going to pronounce it correctly ever)

Because we have the game muted, we have no clue whos talking because everyone is labeled ??? until the second half of the prologue, and after rantaro introduces himself i think. We each claim a couple characters, Rex claims noticeably less because they have the main character, kaede. The only other interesting thing in the first half is all of us shitting on ryoma for being short. the second half is when we meet all of the characters and get all roles assigned unequally because that would mean a plan, and plans are lame (this is a joke i love plans) some notable meets were with Maki, where after learning about her ultimate, Hero comments “so thats where your soul went”, and originally had a pick me girl voice, Rantaro, where I called him the ultimate empath and Hero used a stoner-surfer voice combo for him, Ryoma, whos voice at this point in time was the highest pitch british youve ever heard without a voice changer (it eventually changed to something a lot more like the official english voice), and finally poor Shuichi. During the entire beginning after they get their first memory we make fun of Shuichi a lot, call him the ultimate dork, ultimate wuss, and other funny things like that. The most notable however is when he stated something incredibly obvious, so Hero said “wow how did you figure that out, what are you, the ultimate detective?” And we laugh it off and skip around a bit because we were honestly not that enthusiastic about doing the exact same thing again. We skip to when kaede meets tsumugi and learn her talent. We realized we skipped over shuichis talent but didnt want to go back, so Rex looked it up bravely facing spoilers for us. Something something ultimate detective and we were FLABBERGASTED.

there were more funny things but im not going to rewatch it to find them

The current character distributions were:

REX: Kaede, Keebo, Maki, Monokuma, Monokid and Monosuke

HERO: Rantaro, Ryoma, Tenko, Angie, Kiyo, Kokichi, Tsumugi, and Monotaro

AMNESIA: Shuichi, Kirumi, Gonta, Miu, Kaito, Himiko, Monophanie and Monodam

some notable silly bits were also: comparing kaito to the vocaloid, predicting kirumis murder, cheering the moment gonta mentioned entomology, Hero leaving during Mius intro and coming back to her saying shes going to drug herself to get high, Hero predicting them all being in space, the Tenko Tussle where Hero had her originally, i tried to take her but Hero took her back for some reason despite not wanting to voice her, tsumugi being immediately hated by all of us and being dubbed the ultimate nerd, both me and Hero constantly telling Rex that rantaro was giving off death flags, rantaros many names- ultimate idk, ultimate beats me, ultimate bogus, ultimate empath, ultimate weed, and ultimate boyfriend eventually, us screaming at ryoma being in the game room, us saying “i dont think we should have gotten a friendship fragment for that” after talking to kiyo, Hero calling kirumi super nanny, us cheering when angie said she was an artist, calling gonta the alpha because he was raised by wolves, the cage wall getting a “what is this, mcsm?” Someone said rehab amami??? When Rex checked for Shuichis ultimate, I wanted to avoid spoilers so i said “oh yea and he killed 8 people”reffering to us knowing nothing about the game, with Hero saying “also he killed 17 people in 1905”

its not letting me write more without glitching so ill probably make a separate post about the other chapters eventually lmao, might link it when im done, or if you have a specific one you wanna hear about PRE CHAPTER 6, send me an ask!

[zapreportsblog]

Hi there!!

So august 21st is my birthday and I was wondering on how any characters from the Twilight saga will celebrate the readers birthday

Twilight characters X Gn!Reader

It can be separate if you want❤️

Aww happy birthday, I would ask how old are you turning but that’s far to personal therefore I’ll break this request up into different ones for you that way you’re able to celebrate with all the twilight characters :)

↳ happy birthday ↲

✭ pairing : twilight clans x gender neutral reader

✭ fandom : twilight

✭ summary : this fic has to do with our loveable gender neutral reader celebrating their birthday

✭ authors note : once again happy birthday and I hope you enjoy it to the fullest

✭ twilight masterlist

✭ Olympic Coven :

In the tranquil setting of the Olympic Coven's sprawling home, nestled amidst the lush forests of Forks, the family was abuzz with excitement. The Cullen clan, known for their unique abilities and immortal existence, had gathered to plan a special birthday celebration for their beloved family member, (Y/N).

Carlisle Cullen, the patriarch of the family, had suggested an idea that resonated with the rest of the Coven. A birthday celebration was to be the theme, embracing (Y/N)'s diverse preferences and creating an atmosphere of inclusivity.

Alice, the family's clairvoyant, had taken charge of the decorations, adorning the spacious living area with a blend of colors and styles. The room was adorned with a myriad of hues, each chosen to reflect the spectrum of (Y/N)'s personality. Streamers, balloons, and twinkling lights intertwined to create a vibrant and harmonious ambiance.

Emmett and Jasper, both strong and light-hearted members of the family, had taken on the task of organizing games and activities. A variety of options were prepared to cater to (Y/N)'s interests, ensuring that everyone, vampire or human, could participate. From trivia to scavenger hunts, the planned activities would allow (Y/N) to enjoy the day without any gender-specific expectations.

Rosalie, with her impeccable taste and flair for fashion, had selected a wardrobe for (Y/N) that embraced their individuality. The outfit consisted of a comfortable ensemble that could be styled to reflect any gender expression, embodying the spirit of the celebration.

Esme, the nurturing and caring mother figure of the Coven, was overseeing the preparations of the birthday feast. A diverse array of dishes was being prepared, accommodating (Y/N)'s preferences and dietary needs. The dining table was adorned with an assortment of delicacies that transcended the boundaries of traditional gendered cuisine.

Edward, with his uncanny ability to read minds, had assisted in orchestrating the evening's playlist. A collection of songs spanning genres and eras was carefully curated to create an atmosphere of celebration and joy. The music would be a testament to (Y/N)'s unique tastes and interests.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting soft hues of orange and pink across the sky, the Olympic Coven eagerly awaited (Y/N)'s arrival. Each member of the family had put their heart and soul into ensuring that the celebration would be a reflection of (Y/N)'s individuality, free from expectations and norms.

When (Y/N) finally entered the lavishly adorned living area, they were met with a burst of applause and cheers. The room was alive with vibrant colors, laughter, and the promise of a memorable evening. As the festivities began, it was clear that the Olympic Coven had succeeded in creating a birthday celebration that celebrated (Y/N)'s uniqueness and embraced the power of love and acceptance.

As the evening unfolded, (Y/N) was enveloped in a warm embrace of happiness and appreciation. The gender-neutral theme of the party had truly touched their heart, and the effort put in by each member of the Olympic Coven was evident in every detail.

Alice's predictions had led to an array of delightful surprises throughout the evening. From spontaneous dance-offs to impromptu games, (Y/N) found themselves laughing and enjoying the company of their extraordinary family. Even the normally reserved and stoic members of the Coven seemed to let loose, their genuine smiles lighting up the room.

During the trivia game, Carlisle, who had taken it upon himself to research (Y/N)'s diverse interests, was pleasantly surprised when (Y/N) effortlessly answered questions about literature, history, and even obscure scientific facts. The game was a testament to the deep connection and understanding that the Cullen family had cultivated over the years.

Esme's culinary prowess shone brightly as the family sat down for the birthday feast. The table was laden with an assortment of dishes, ranging from Italian cuisine to Asian delicacies, all meticulously prepared to cater to (Y/N)'s tastes. The dining experience was a reflection of the love and care that Esme poured into every aspect of her role as a mother figure.

Emmett and Jasper's games had everyone in stitches. The scavenger hunt led (Y/N) on a wild adventure throughout the sprawling grounds of the Cullen estate, uncovering hidden clues and sharing laughter with each step. The camaraderie that had always bound this unconventional family together was on full display, reinforcing the strength of their bonds.

Rosalie's gift, a beautifully crafted leather jacket, was met with genuine appreciation. The jacket was not only stylish but also a reflection of (Y/N)'s individuality and the shared moments they had spent discussing fashion. It was a gesture that touched (Y/N) deeply, highlighting the consideration and thoughtfulness that the Cullen family held for each other.

As the night continued, the living area transformed into a dance floor, and the carefully curated playlist set the tone for the celebration. The Olympic Coven members, each displaying unique dance moves, encouraged (Y/N) to let loose and join in the fun. It was a liberating experience, reminding (Y/N) that they were surrounded by a family that accepted them fully for who they were.

Amidst the laughter, the music, and the joyous celebrations, (Y/N) found themselves catching a glimpse of Edward, who was sharing an intimate dance with Bella, his soulmate. The depth of their love served as a reminder that the journey towards self-discovery and acceptance was ongoing, a journey that was supported by the unwavering bond of the Olympic Coven.

As the night came to an end, (Y/N) was overcome with a profound sense of gratitude. They felt loved, accepted, and cherished by a family that celebrated their individuality with such enthusiasm. The gender-neutral birthday celebration had not only been a tribute to (Y/N)'s uniqueness but had also reinforced the strength of the bonds that had been forged through centuries of shared experiences.

As (Y/N) watched the stars twinkle in the night sky, surrounded by the people who had become their true family, they couldn't help but feel a deep sense of contentment. The Olympic Coven had created a memory that would forever hold a special place in (Y/N)'s heart, a memory that represented love, acceptance, and the power of embracing one's true self.

✭ Volturi Coven :

In the grandeur of the Volturi's ancient castle, nestled amidst the heart of Volterra, the atmosphere was alive with anticipation. The Volturi Coven, known for their regal and formidable presence, had gathered to orchestrate a special birthday celebration for their beloved (Y/N). The plans for the day were shrouded in secrecy, as Aro and the other Volturi leaders had decided to surprise (Y/N) with a gender-neutral birthday celebration.

As the coven members convened in the opulent main hall, Aro, Caius, and Marcus shared a private conversation. Their deliberations revolved around creating an event that would cater to (Y/N)'s diverse interests and preferences, while embodying the Volturi's signature grandeur.

Chelsea, the coven member with the power to manipulate emotional bonds, was entrusted with coordinating the guest list. The castle was to be graced by the presence of (Y/N)'s friends from various parts of the world, reflecting the global reach of the Volturi's influence.

Alec and Jane, with their unique abilities to cause physical and mental pain, were tasked with planning the entertainment. Their creativity was boundless as they conjured an array of activities that would cater to (Y/N)'s tastes. From art exhibitions to captivating performances, the festivities were designed to appeal to (Y/N)'s diverse interests.

Felix and Demetri, known for their physical prowess and unwavering loyalty, were responsible for ensuring the safety and security of the event. Their vigilance extended to all aspects of the celebration, ensuring that (Y/N) would be surrounded by an atmosphere of protection and comfort.

Heidi, who possessed the ability to allure and attract humans, had taken charge of the decorations. The main hall was transformed into a stunning display of colors and themes, each element carefully selected to reflect (Y/N)'s multifaceted personality.

As the day of the celebration dawned, the Volturi Coven members were abuzz with activity. The castle's halls were filled with the sounds of preparations, and there was a sense of excitement in the air. (Y/N)'s arrival was eagerly awaited by the coven, who were determined to create an unforgettable experience.

When (Y/N) finally entered the lavishly adorned main hall, they were met with a resounding applause. The coven members, dressed in a blend of modern and timeless attire, stood together as a united front. The decorations were an enchanting blend of colors, patterns, and motifs, a testament to the Volturi's meticulous attention to detail.

Aro stepped forward, his charismatic presence commanding attention. "Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, it is with great pleasure that we gather here today to celebrate the birthday of our esteemed family member, (Y/N). In keeping with the spirit of inclusivity and respect for (Y/N)'s individuality, we have planned a celebration that transcends traditional norms."

As the festivities commenced, (Y/N) was enveloped in a tapestry of music, art, and camaraderie. The art exhibitions showcased a fusion of traditional and contemporary works, representing the diversity of (Y/N)'s interests. The performances, ranging from classical music to contemporary dance, were designed to evoke emotion and appreciation for the beauty of self-expression.

A highlight of the evening was a display of fireworks that illuminated the night sky in a dazzling array of colors. The spectacle reflected the Coven's dedication to making (Y/N)'s birthday celebration a memory to be cherished.

Throughout the celebration, (Y/N) was embraced by the warmth of the Volturi's hospitality and the genuine connections they shared. As the night drew to a close, Aro raised his glass in a toast. "To (Y/N), a unique and cherished member of our family. May this celebration remind us all of the power of acceptance and the beauty of embracing our individuality."

As the Volturi Coven members clinked their glasses, (Y/N) felt a profound sense of gratitude. The birthday celebration had not only celebrated their unique identity but also showcased the capacity of the Volturi Coven to evolve and adapt, reflecting the changing times and embracing the strength of unity.

As the moon cast its gentle glow over the castle's courtyard, (Y/N) looked around at the faces of their coven, illuminated by the bond they shared. The celebration had become a testament to the power of love, acceptance, and the ability to come together to honor the essence of an individual.

✭ Denali Coven :

In the serene and picturesque landscape of the Denali Coven's Alaskan refuge, the air was tinged with excitement as the coven members gathered to prepare for a special occasion: (Y/N)'s birthday. Known for their close-knit bonds and appreciation for nature, the Denali Coven had decided to plan a gender-neutral celebration that would resonate with (Y/N)'s diverse interests.

Tanya, the leader of the Denali Coven, had taken the initiative to organize the festivities. She believed in celebrating (Y/N)'s uniqueness while embracing the values of inclusivity and respect that defined the coven's close relationships.

Kate and Irina, the sisters known for their unique abilities, were tasked with arranging the decorations. The spacious communal area was adorned with a harmonious blend of colors and patterns, reflecting the natural beauty of the Denali landscape. The ambiance exuded warmth and tranquility, a reflection of the coven's connection to the environment.

Eleazar, the coven member with the gift of sensing and understanding relationships, took the lead in designing the guest list. He had gathered individuals from various walks of life, each chosen for their connection to (Y/N) and their shared values of acceptance and individuality.

Carmen and Eleazar, who were passionate about art and culture, had prepared a range of interactive activities and workshops. From painting to storytelling circles, the activities were designed to provide a platform for self-expression and the sharing of diverse perspectives.

As the day of the celebration arrived, the Denali Coven members put the finishing touches on their preparations. The air was filled with the scent of flowers and the gentle rustling of leaves, creating an atmosphere of serenity and anticipation.

As the sun began to set, bathing the landscape in warm hues, (Y/N) entered the communal area to find it transformed into a haven of beauty and creativity. The coven members, dressed in comfortable and stylish attire, greeted (Y/N) with smiles and warm embraces.

Tanya stepped forward, her presence exuding grace and warmth. "Dear (Y/N), we are honored to celebrate this special day with you. The Denali Coven has come together to create an experience that honors your individuality and your unique journey."

The festivities kicked off with an art workshop led by Kate and Irina. The coven members gathered around, creating colorful masterpieces that reflected their individual perspectives. The atmosphere was relaxed and collaborative, allowing (Y/N) to connect with their family in a way that transcended traditional gender roles.

Carmen and Eleazar's storytelling circle became a space for shared experiences and revelations. Each member of the coven took turns sharing stories that highlighted the importance of embracing one's identity and celebrating diversity. The circle of trust and acceptance that formed around (Y/N) was a testament to the strong bonds that defined the Denali Coven.

As night fell, the celebration shifted to the open courtyard, where a bonfire illuminated the surroundings. Tanya raised her glass in a toast. "To (Y/N), a cherished member of our coven. May this celebration remind us all of the power of embracing our authentic selves and fostering connections that transcend societal norms."

The bonfire cast dancing shadows on the coven members' faces, creating an atmosphere of intimacy and shared moments. As the night continued, music filled the air, and the coven members engaged in lively conversations and spontaneous dances.

As (Y/N) looked around at the faces of their Denali family, illuminated by the fire's glow, they couldn't help but feel a deep sense of belonging. The birthday celebration had not only celebrated their uniqueness but also highlighted the power of unity and acceptance.

As the stars twinkled in the Alaskan sky, (Y/N) felt a profound sense of gratitude for the Denali Coven's unwavering support and love. The celebration had become a symbol of the strength that came from embracing diversity, the beauty of connecting with nature and one's true self, and the power of forging deep bonds that stood the test of time.

✭ Egyptian Coven :

In the arid landscape of the Egyptian Coven's ancient desert sanctuary, the members were gathered with a shared purpose: to celebrate (Y/N)'s upcoming birthday with a gender-neutral celebration that embraced their uniqueness. The Egyptian Coven, known for their connection to ancient wisdom and traditions, were eager to create an event that reflected (Y/N)'s individuality.

Amun, the wise and reserved leader of the Egyptian Coven, had taken it upon himself to oversee the arrangements. The coven had decided to honor (Y/N)'s diverse interests by crafting a celebration that resonated with their values of harmony and acceptance.

Kebi and Tia, the devoted partners who shared a unique bond, were tasked with organizing the decorations. The vast desert landscape provided inspiration, and the communal area was adorned with warm tones, sand-like textures, and hints of gold and turquoise. The ambiance radiated a sense of tranquility and history.

Benjamin, who possessed the power to control the elements, was responsible for coordinating the entertainment. He envisioned a mesmerizing display of fire dancing, sand sculptures, and the harmonious melodies of ancient instruments that would evoke a connection to the past and (Y/N)'s love for diverse cultures.

Senna and Zafrina, with their keen senses and perceptive abilities, were entrusted with selecting the guest list. The gathering would include individuals from all walks of life, reflecting (Y/N)'s inclusive spirit and the Egyptian Coven's deep appreciation for interconnectedness.

As the day of the celebration arrived, the Egyptian Coven members worked together to prepare for the festivities. The energy of the desert was palpable, and the coven's dedication was evident in every detail.

As the sun began to set, casting a warm golden glow over the desert expanse, (Y/N) entered the communal area to find it transformed into an oasis of beauty and culture. The coven members, dressed in attire that merged timeless elegance with modern comfort, greeted (Y/N) with smiles and gestures of welcome.

Amun stepped forward, his presence exuding a sense of ancient wisdom. "Dear (Y/N), we are gathered here to honor you with a celebration that celebrates your individuality. The Egyptian Coven has drawn inspiration from the sands of time to create an experience that reflects your diverse interests."

The celebration began with a mesmerizing display of fire dancing, performed by the talented members of the coven. Flames seemed to dance in harmony with the music, creating an atmosphere of awe and wonder. As the flames leapt and twirled, (Y/N) felt a sense of connection to the past and the unique talents of their coven.

Benjamin's sand sculpting demonstration followed, as intricate shapes emerged from the desert sand under his skillful control. The artistry depicted scenes from various cultures, symbolizing the universal nature of (Y/N)'s interests and the interconnectedness of humanity.

The highlight of the evening was a musical performance led by Zafrina, whose hauntingly beautiful voice resonated across the desert landscape. The ancient instruments produced melodies that seemed to bridge the gap between past and present, creating an enchanting ambiance that captivated (Y/N) and their guests.

As the night deepened, the celebration shifted to a large tent that had been set up under the desert stars. The tent was adorned with rich fabrics and ornate cushions, creating an inviting atmosphere for shared conversations and laughter.

Tia raised her glass for a toast. "To (Y/N), a cherished member of our coven. May this celebration remind us of the beauty of embracing diverse cultures, and the power of unity that transcends all boundaries."

As the celebration continued, (Y/N) found themselves immersed in conversations that spanned languages, cultures, and centuries. The Egyptian Coven's commitment to creating an experience that celebrated (Y/N)'s uniqueness had resulted in a birthday celebration that was as rich and diverse as the desert landscape itself.

As the night sky shimmered with stars, (Y/N) reflected on the beauty of the celebration and the deep connection they shared with the Egyptian Coven. The birthday celebration had become a testament to the coven's reverence for history, culture, and individuality, and their ability to weave these elements together to create a tapestry of acceptance and love.

✭ Amazon Coven :

In the heart of the lush Amazon rainforest, the Amazon Coven was abuzz with preparations for a special event: (Y/N)'s upcoming birthday celebration. The Amazon Coven, known for their strong connection to nature and their fierce independence, had decided to plan a gender-neutral celebration that would honor (Y/N)'s individuality.

Zafrina, the leader of the Amazon Coven, was at the forefront of organizing the festivities. She believed in embracing (Y/N)'s diverse interests while celebrating their unity with nature and the Amazon way of life.

Senna and Kachiri, the inseparable sisters of the coven, were entrusted with the task of arranging the decorations. The communal area was adorned with vibrant shades of green and earthy tones, reflecting the lush surroundings of the Amazon rainforest. The decorations were crafted from natural materials, showcasing the coven's commitment to sustainability and their connection to the earth.

Benjamin, who possessed the power to control the elements, was responsible for curating the entertainment. He envisioned a celebration that would immerse (Y/N) in the beauty of the rainforest, with activities such as guided nature walks, drum circles, and stargazing under the canopy of trees.

Zafrina and Kachiri, who were known for their perceptive abilities, took the lead in creating the guest list. The coven had invited individuals from various backgrounds, all of whom shared (Y/N)'s values of inclusivity and respect for nature.

As the day of the celebration arrived, the Amazon Coven members worked together to prepare for the festivities. The sounds of the rainforest and the rustling of leaves provided a soothing backdrop to their efforts.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the rainforest, (Y/N) entered the communal area to find it transformed into a sanctuary of nature's beauty. The coven members, dressed in attire that combined practicality with elegance, greeted (Y/N) with warm smiles and gestures of welcome.

Zafrina stepped forward, her presence resonating with a sense of natural wisdom. "Dearest (Y/N), we gather here to celebrate you with a birthday that aligns with our Amazon values. The Amazon Coven has taken inspiration from the heart of the rainforest to create an experience that reflects your diverse interests."

The celebration began with a guided nature walk led by Benjamin. As the coven members ventured deeper into the rainforest, Benjamin shared his insights into the delicate balance of nature and the Amazon way of life. The experience allowed (Y/N) to connect with the rainforest on a deeper level, reinforcing the Amazon Coven's commitment to unity with nature.

The drum circle, led by Senna, became a celebration of rhythm and connection. The rhythmic beats of the drums seemed to echo the heartbeats of the coven members, creating an atmosphere of harmony and shared energy. (Y/N) joined in, feeling the power of the rainforest's pulse within their own heartbeat.

The stargazing session under the canopy of trees was a testament to the Amazon Coven's ability to blend tradition with modernity. Benjamin used his abilities to control the elements, ensuring a clear view of the night sky. (Y/N) and the coven members marveled at the constellations, feeling a profound sense of interconnectedness with the universe.

As the night deepened, the celebration shifted to a cozy area illuminated by torches and lanterns. The coven members gathered around a fire, sharing stories, laughter, and a sense of camaraderie.

Kachiri raised her glass in a toast. "To (Y/N), a cherished member of our coven. May this celebration remind us of the beauty of embracing our individuality while staying grounded in the wisdom of nature."

As the celebration continued, (Y/N) found themselves engaged in conversations that spanned cultures, experiences, and the wonders of the rainforest. The Amazon Coven's commitment to creating an experience that celebrated (Y/N)'s uniqueness had resulted in a birthday celebration that was as vibrant and diverse as the rainforest itself.

Under the starlit sky, surrounded by the sounds of the rainforest, (Y/N) felt a deep sense of gratitude for the Amazon Coven's unwavering support and love. The birthday celebration had become a symbol of the Amazon Coven's harmony with nature, their respect for individuality, and their ability to forge deep connections that transcended time and boundaries.

✭ Irish Coven :

In the picturesque Irish countryside, the Irish Coven was bustling with activity as they prepared for a special event: (Y/N)'s upcoming birthday celebration. The Irish Coven, known for their strong connection to nature and their affinity for magic, had decided to plan a gender-neutral celebration that would honor (Y/N)'s individuality.

Siobhan, the leader of the Irish Coven, had taken the lead in organizing the festivities. With her keen intuition and respect for individuality, she believed in creating a celebration that would resonate with (Y/N)'s diverse interests while embracing the coven's love for tradition and magic.

Maggie and Liam, the charismatic and charming members of the coven, were tasked with arranging the decorations. The communal area was adorned with a harmonious blend of earthy tones, rich fabrics, and intricate Celtic designs. The decorations exuded a sense of enchantment and mystery, reflecting the coven's deep connection to their Irish heritage.

Liam, who possessed the ability to manipulate emotions, was responsible for curating the entertainment. He envisioned a celebration that would be filled with music, dance, and storytelling, allowing (Y/N) to immerse themselves in the magic of Irish culture.

Siobhan and Liam, who shared a unique bond, took the lead in crafting the guest list. The coven had invited individuals from diverse backgrounds, all of whom shared (Y/N)'s values of inclusivity and respect for personal identity.

As the day of the celebration arrived, the Irish Coven members worked together to infuse their preparations with the magic of the Emerald Isle. The air was filled with a sense of excitement and anticipation, as the coven members prepared to create a celebration that would reflect their love for tradition, nature, and (Y/N)'s uniqueness.

As the sun began to set over the rolling green hills, casting a warm glow over the landscape, (Y/N) entered the communal area to find it transformed into a scene straight out of an Irish fairy tale. The coven members, dressed in attire that seamlessly blended history with modern comfort, greeted (Y/N) with warm smiles and gestures of welcome.

Siobhan stepped forward, her presence exuding a sense of wisdom and grace. "Beloved (Y/N), we gather here to celebrate your individuality in a way that reflects our Irish heritage. The Irish Coven has drawn inspiration from our land's magic and history to create an experience that honors your diverse interests."

The celebration began with a traditional Irish dance performance, led by Maggie. The lively and rhythmic dances seemed to capture the spirit of the land, as the coven members and (Y/N) joined in, creating an atmosphere of joy and unity.

Liam's storytelling session became a magical journey through Irish folklore and history. The tales were told with a blend of enthusiasm and reverence, connecting (Y/N) to the rich tapestry of Irish culture and the coven's love for tradition.

The highlight of the evening was a musical performance that combined traditional Irish instruments with contemporary melodies. The sounds of the fiddle, flute, and bodhrán filled the air, creating an enchanting ambiance that captivated (Y/N) and their guests.

As the night deepened, the celebration moved to a cozy area illuminated by lanterns and candles. The coven members gathered around a bonfire, sharing stories, laughter, and a sense of camaraderie.

Maggie raised her glass in a toast. "To (Y/N), a cherished member of our coven. May this celebration remind us of the magic of embracing our authentic selves and the power of unity that transcends all boundaries."

As the celebration continued, (Y/N) found themselves immersed in conversations that spanned cultures, history, and the wonders of Irish magic. The Irish Coven's commitment to creating an experience that celebrated (Y/N)'s uniqueness had resulted in a birthday celebration that was as enchanting and diverse as the Irish landscape itself.

Under the starlit Irish sky, surrounded by the sounds of music and laughter, (Y/N) felt a deep sense of gratitude for the Irish Coven's unwavering support and love. The birthday celebration had become a symbol of the coven's reverence for tradition, their respect for individuality, and their ability to create an atmosphere of magic, unity, and celebration.

✭ Mexican Coven :

In the vibrant heart of Mexico, the Mexican Coven was bustling with energy as they prepared for a special event: (Y/N)'s upcoming birthday celebration. The Mexican Coven, known for their zest for life and rich cultural heritage, had decided to plan a gender-neutral celebration that would embrace (Y/N)'s individuality.

Huilen, the leader of the Mexican Coven, took the lead in organizing the festivities. With her strong connection to her roots and her deep appreciation for traditions, she believed in creating a celebration that would reflect (Y/N)'s diverse interests while honoring their shared love for culture and unity.

Nahuel and Yul, the siblings known for their warmth and charisma, were tasked with arranging the decorations. The communal area was adorned with a burst of vibrant colors, papel picado banners, and intricate Aztec patterns. The decorations exuded a sense of joy and celebration, reflecting the coven's love for life and (Y/N)'s individuality.

Nahuel, who possessed the power of rapid healing, was responsible for curating the entertainment. He envisioned a celebration filled with music, dance, and activities that celebrated the richness of Mexican culture and the diversity of (Y/N)'s interests.

Huilen and Nahuel, who shared a deep bond as aunt and nephew, took the lead in creating the guest list. The coven had invited individuals from various walks of life, all of whom shared (Y/N)'s values of inclusivity and respect for personal identity.

As the day of the celebration arrived, the Mexican Coven members worked together to infuse their preparations with the spirit of Mexican culture. The air was filled with excitement and anticipation, as the coven members prepared to create a celebration that would reflect their love for tradition, culture, and (Y/N)'s uniqueness.

As the sun began to set, casting a warm glow over the picturesque landscape, (Y/N) entered the communal area to find it transformed into a lively fiesta. The coven members, dressed in attire that blended cultural heritage with modern flair, greeted (Y/N) with warm smiles and gestures of welcome.

Huilen stepped forward, her presence exuding a sense of wisdom and grace. "Dearest (Y/N), we gather here to celebrate your individuality in a way that honors our Mexican heritage. The Mexican Coven has drawn inspiration from our rich culture to create an experience that celebrates your diverse interests."

The celebration began with a lively dance performance, led by Yul. The energetic and rhythmic dances seemed to encapsulate the vibrancy of Mexican culture, as the coven members and (Y/N) joined in, creating an atmosphere of joy and unity.

Nahuel's storytelling session became a journey through Mexican history and folklore. The tales were told with a blend of enthusiasm and reverence, connecting (Y/N) to the rich tapestry of Mexican culture and the coven's love for tradition.

The highlight of the evening was a musical performance that combined traditional Mexican instruments with modern melodies. The sounds of mariachi music, guitars, and trumpets filled the air, creating a festive ambiance that captivated (Y/N) and their guests.

As the night deepened, the celebration moved to an open courtyard illuminated by colorful lanterns and fairy lights. The coven members gathered around a bonfire, sharing stories, laughter, and a sense of camaraderie.

Yul raised her glass in a toast. "To (Y/N), a cherished member of our coven. May this celebration remind us of the beauty of embracing our diverse heritage and the power of unity that transcends all boundaries."

As the celebration continued, (Y/N) found themselves immersed in conversations that spanned cultures, history, and the wonders of Mexican tradition. The Mexican Coven's commitment to creating an experience that celebrated (Y/N)'s uniqueness had resulted in a birthday celebration that was as festive and diverse as the Mexican culture itself.

Under the starlit Mexican sky, surrounded by the sounds of music and laughter, (Y/N) felt a deep sense of gratitude for the Mexican Coven's unwavering support and love. The birthday celebration had become a symbol of the coven's reverence for culture, their respect for individuality, and their ability to create an atmosphere of celebration, unity, and joy.

✭ Romanian Coven :

In the enchanting landscapes of Transylvania, the Romanian Coven was a hive of activity as they prepared for a special occasion: (Y/N)'s upcoming birthday celebration. The Romanian Coven, known for their mystique and their deep connection to history, had decided to plan a gender-neutral celebration that would embrace (Y/N)'s uniqueness.

Vladimir, the ancient leader of the Romanian Coven, was at the helm of organizing the festivities. With his centuries of experience and respect for tradition, he believed in creating a celebration that would reflect (Y/N)'s diverse interests while honoring their shared love for history and the supernatural.

Stefan and Valentina, the siblings with an air of elegance and mystery, were entrusted with arranging the decorations. The communal area was adorned with deep jewel tones, intricate patterns, and hints of medieval motifs. The decorations exuded an aura of timeless charm, reflecting the coven's connection to history and (Y/N)'s individuality.

Vladimir, who possessed the power of illusion, was responsible for curating the entertainment. He envisioned a celebration that would blend elements of the supernatural and the historical, creating an atmosphere that would captivate (Y/N)'s imagination.

Vladimir and Valentina, who shared a bond forged through centuries, took the lead in creating the guest list. The coven had invited individuals from various walks of life, all of whom shared (Y/N)'s values of inclusivity and respect for personal identity.

As the day of the celebration arrived, the Romanian Coven members worked together to infuse their preparations with the mystique of Transylvania. The air was filled with a sense of anticipation and intrigue, as the coven members prepared to create a celebration that would reflect their love for history, the supernatural, and (Y/N)'s uniqueness.

As the sun began to set, casting an ethereal glow over the ancient landscape, (Y/N) entered the communal area to find it transformed into a scene that seemed to come straight from the pages of a Gothic novel. The coven members, dressed in attire that combined elegance with a touch of otherworldliness, greeted (Y/N) with enigmatic smiles and gestures of welcome.

Vladimir stepped forward, his presence exuding an air of mystery and authority. "Dearest (Y/N), we gather here to celebrate your individuality in a manner that aligns with our history and the supernatural. The Romanian Coven has drawn inspiration from the realms of mystique to create an experience that celebrates your diverse interests."

The celebration began with a dramatic performance of illusions, led by Vladimir. The illusions seemed to blur the lines between reality and fantasy, captivating (Y/N) and the coven members with a sense of wonder and enchantment.

Valentina's storytelling session delved into the rich history of Transylvania and the coven's own past. The tales were woven with a blend of intrigue and reverence, connecting (Y/N) to the mystique of the region and the coven's love for tradition.

The highlight of the evening was a musical performance that combined classical compositions with haunting melodies. The sounds of violins, pianos, and other instruments filled the air, creating an atmospheric ambiance that captivated (Y/N) and their guests.

As the night deepened, the celebration moved to a candlelit hall adorned with antique furniture and ornate chandeliers. The coven members gathered around a table laden with a feast that seemed to transcend time and culture.

Stefan raised his glass in a toast. "To (Y/N), a cherished member of our coven. May this celebration remind us of the beauty of embracing our individuality while staying connected to our history and the supernatural."

As the celebration continued, (Y/N) found themselves immersed in conversations that spanned centuries, mysteries, and the wonders of Transylvania. The Romanian Coven's commitment to creating an experience that celebrated (Y/N)'s uniqueness had resulted in a birthday celebration that was as mysterious and diverse as the region itselt.

Under the starlit Transylvanian sky, surrounded by the ambiance of history and the supernatural, (Y/N) felt a deep sense of gratitude for the Romanian Coven's unwavering support and love. The birthday celebration had become a symbol of the coven's reverence for history, their respect for individuality, and their ability to create an atmosphere of mystique, unity, and celebration.

[txttletale]

album ask: ee get to heaven :~)

best song on the album: no reptiles. the piano. the synth that feels like raindrops on the roof at night. one of mr. everything's all-time best vocal performance.

my favourite song on the album: regret! 'first you'll see me on the news / then never again' is one of my favourite lyrics ever. so much storytelling so much dread packed into so few words put so simply. i aspire to write anything that well. and it's a jam

my least favourite song on the album: now being the worst song on get to heaven is the opposite of damming with faint praise. it's exalting with faint criticism. but despite being their biggest hit i find distant past to be pretty weak. the bridge and verses are impeccable but the chorus just does nothing for me, lyrically or musically. the robot voices are cool live but otherwise just kind of annoying

most overrated song on the album: i mean i just said that distant past was the biggest hit and also the weakest song on the album so um. That one

most underrated song on the album: president heartbeat! it's underrated by the band themselves. i mean technically it's not on the album properly but whenever i feel bad about my owqn work i'm like 'EE don't like president heartbeat' and realize that artists are shit judges of their own material.

banger of all bangers: on the album proper, blast doors. those verses make me go insane. mr everything is the only white boy allowed to rap. including the bonus traps, only as good as my god goes insanely hard. and fucking hapsburg lippp with the roaring brass and the pounding rhythm. ugh. this is an all-bangers album really

rating from 0-10: 10. easy 10. a rare albuim where every song is individually excellent and they still come together to more than the sum of their parts. perfect album

[dude1818]

Anime Year in Review 2023

Last year I made a silly post ranking the three shows I happened to watch. This year, I got way more into anime (and manga), so let's do it properly this time

Revue Starlight* - Easy top star spot. This anime was flawless. I watched it twice this year and will be watching it again. The story, the animation, the music were all impeccable. The music, oh my god; I listen to the soundtrack every day. Some of my other favorites on this list I'd only recommend based on your personal tastes, but this show should be watched by everyone. (The sequel and spin-offs, not so much. They all use the revues in a way that completely undermines the premise of the main series)

Heavenly Delusion - So fucking good. Second on this list, but I think it's the best show that came out this year. Deeply traumatic, but in such a satisfying way. The horror elements were so brutal and so well done, and I love that the man-eating monsters were the least gruesome part of the show. If it wasn't for the stinker of the ice monster episode, I think this could've been my favorite anime

Call of the Night* - Adored this show. Yes it's a celebration of the hedonism of vampires, but it's so earnest and down-to-earth with it that it feels so good to watch that I did it twice (sub and dub). I also got into the manga, which is sadly wrapping up next month, but hopefully that prompts an announcement about season 2

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End - Super chill show, which is a great way to wind down the week. It's such a cool concept too, following the adventurer after the adventure is over. It's just a reflection on life and I love it

The Witch from Mercury (cour 2) - Given that I run a sideblog just for this show, it might be surprising that it's so low on my list, but the second cour was a lot weaker than the first. Not nearly enough of Suletta and Miorine interacting, and way too much chaff following Guel's B-plot. I've said it before, but I think the worst part of this Gundam show is that it's a Gundam show. A+ epilogue though, and Suletta is still my favorite character this year

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off - I enjoyed the original comic and the live action movie. I didn't realize this new adaption was really a sequel, but it ended up being a great way to bring the old story to the modern decade. (Two decades later isn't much, but it was very of-its-time)

Spy x Family (cour 2) - Very fun show. Following several viewpoint characters means the individual episodes might be hit-or-miss (as much as I love Anya, the episodes at the school are relatively bland), but the overall package was sweet and enjoyable

Nimona - Another comic I really enjoyed. The movie was strong, although it cut a lot of parts out that I thought were important to the original story

The Orbital Children - Directed by the same person who directed one of my long-time favorites (Dennou Coil), the first two acts of this really felt like a modern update. Stunning visuals, great sci-fi, thrilling adventure. Went totally off the deep in the third act, though

Joshiraku* - As the characters pointed out, adapting a manga that takes entirely inside the green room of a stand-up comedy club is an odd choice. It was off-the-charts hilarious, though. Considering some of the scripts were entirely pun-based, it must've been an immense amount of work to translate, but they absolutely pulled it off

Oshi no Ko - The only reason I watched this show was because the OP was such a banger. (Several fantastic anime songs by YOASOBI this year, and Idol is easily my favorite.) The first, feature-length episode was incredible and I literally cried at the end. If it was a stand-alone movie, it would be a couple of spots higher on this list. The rest of the show was fine, but not really what I was here for. I'll probably still watch season 2 though

Arknights: Prelude to Dawn* - I bounced off the gacha game immediately, but the worldbuilding and character designs seemed cool, so I wanted to give the anime adaptation a chance. The plot was very thin but serviceable enough. At least it looked nice to watch.

The Magical Revolution of ... - Not typing that whole thing out. It was a cute show. The yuri stuff was nice, but I wish for a show about a magical inventor, there was a non-zero amount of magical inventing shown on screen

* indicates the show aired prior to 2023

A lot of shows I really loved this year. Looking forward to next year, the anime I'm most hyped for is obviously Dungeon Meshi. It looks like it's going to be incredible. The second season of Arcane is also scheduled to come out late next year, which is also very exciting. Technically Frieren has a second cour in January, but they're airing both cours as basically a single 24-episode season, so that doesn't really count

For older shows I mean to catch up on, YouTube has recced me clips of probably every single joke from K-On!, and it's really grown on me. Definitely going to watch that soon. I'm also in the mood to watch Bocchi the Rock! again. I should also make myself watch the first couple episodes of PMMM. Nothing I've seen on Tumblr has grabbed me for that one, but it's right in the middle of some of the other shows I was gushing about here and it would be dumb not to try it

[murdereddoubt]

Sleep Token: A Mesmerizing Discography of Harmony and Depth

In an era where musical cohesion and thematic storytelling within albums seem to have taken a backseat, Sleep Token emerges as a breath of fresh air. Their discography, consisting of "One," "Two," "Sundowning," "This Place Will Be Your Tomb," and "Take Me Back to Eden," stands as a testament to the band's unwavering commitment to crafting aural experiences that transcend the ordinary.

The journey through Sleep Token's discography is akin to embarking on a profound spiritual odyssey. From the hauntingly ethereal "One" to the enigmatic "Two," the groundwork for their sonic universe is laid. However, it's in the final trilogy – the awe-inspiring progression from "Sundowning" to "This Place Will Be Your Tomb" and culminating in "Take Me Back to Eden" – that the band's genius truly shines.

It's an experience like no other to listen to this trilogy in succession. The albums are woven with a meticulous thread, each song seamlessly transitioning into the next, creating a coherent narrative that's both immersive and captivating. It's a rarity in today's music landscape to find albums that not only possess individual standouts but also present a holistic journey where each track complements the others, all working together to amplify the overarching theme.

At the heart of Sleep Token's captivating allure lies the extraordinary songwriting prowess of their enigmatic lead singer, Vessel. With an uncanny ability to delve deep into the recesses of human emotion, Vessel crafts lyrics that resonate on a profoundly personal level. His songwriting transcends conventional boundaries, exploring themes of spirituality, vulnerability, and the human experience with a poetic eloquence that leaves an indelible mark. The lyrical tapestries he weaves evoke a sense of introspection, drawing listeners into a world of intricate narratives and haunting melodies. Vessel's gift for storytelling, coupled with his literal emotive delivery, results in songs that not only captivate the ear but also touch the soul, leaving a lasting imprint that lingers long after the music fades.

An integral facet that elevates Sleep Token's discography to unparalleled heights is the impeccable music production and audio engineering work contributed by the talents of Carl Brown from Treehouse Studios and George Lever of G1 Productions. Their collaborative efforts have played a pivotal role in bringing the band's vision to life, with every note and nuance meticulously crafted. The albums bear testament to their skilful touch, as each instrument resonates with clarity, and every whisper of Vessel's vocals is imbued with raw emotion. Brown and Lever's expertise acts as the invisible hand that guides the listener through the intricacies of Sleep Token's ethereal soundscapes, making the auditory journey as enchanting as it is immersive.

When it comes to translating their studio brilliance into live performances, Sleep Token is nothing short of exceptional. The band's stage presence is mesmerizing, drawing the audience into their spellbinding world. Perhaps even more astonishing is the fact that Vessel's vocals remain untouched by the heavy hand of autotune or vocal correction software. His voice, heard live, is a mirror image of what you've come to adore from their recordings, showcasing the band's authenticity and musicianship.

A noteworthy aspect of Sleep Token's artistry is their visual identity, thoughtfully brought to life recently by Alex Tillbrook Design. The graphics for their albums and merchandise resonate harmoniously with their musical essence. The attention to detail is evident, reflecting the band's commitment to a holistic experience that extends beyond just the auditory realm.

In a musical landscape dominated by singles and fleeting trends, Sleep Token's discography stands as a masterpiece of cohesion, depth, and unadulterated passion. Their commitment to crafting albums that weave a seamless tapestry of themes and emotions harks back to a time when the 90s music scene was known for its dedication to storytelling through albums.

I am deeply enamoured by the captivating allure of Sleep Token's enigmatic anonymity, a sentiment beautifully encapsulated in their profound statement, "Our identities are unimportant. Music is marketed on who is or isn't in a band; it's pushed, prodded, and molded into something it isn't. Vessel endeavours to keep the focus on His offerings." Within the realm of Sleep Token's music, the conventional fixation on individual personas is gracefully set aside, allowing the divine essence of their artistry to take center stage.

This intentional detachment from personal identities enables a pure connection with their music, permitting listeners like yourself and myself to be swept away by the ethereal melodies without the distractions of the mundane world. As I immerse myself in the mystique of Sleep Token, I find solace in the idea that their music is an offering, a sacred creation meant to transcend the limitations of the known, inviting us to experience a profound and unifying journey guided solely by the resonating notes and unspoken emotions.

As a dedicated listener, I can't help but yearn for the day when I can witness Sleep Token's magic on stage in person. The anticipation of their live performance is enough to send shivers down the spine. And as the music world eagerly awaits their future creations, there's a sense of excitement and curiosity about where their artistic journey will lead. Here's to hoping for a chance to witness Sleep Token's live magic and to eagerly awaiting the next chapter in their evolving musical saga 🥂.

(All images taken from their facebook page and, my guess, by their touring photographer Adam Rossi)

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. Hope I can produce an album of this magnitude some day. - worship - Murdered Doubt

[mehlsbells]

I have got to know what you think of the new Janelle Monae album!!

I've been SUCH a sucker (slash target demo slash acolyte slash missionary) for Monae's previous concept albums.

They are stories with arcs.

They are each massive works of art which manage to embrace metanarratives, reference everything from early films to other classic albums, launched multiple impeccable music videos, boosted Afrofuturism; gave us an entire closet of androgynous wardrobe choices; did incredible work with 'outsider' android themes, references to Atlanta (where she got her start and I was living when I discovered her)

and they are individual banger after individual banger

all while remaining completely cohesive.

In short, she's a goddamn genius, and one of the best artists of her generation, and The Age of Pleasure just cements that because of how it enters new waters.

The new album is a pivot - not in a "oh this is different I don't like it" way, but in a way which means I need to recalibrate everything from 'how I analyse' (which makes things MORE FUN! not less!) to 'how does this fit in her catalogue?' to 'what activity(s) are ideal to play this album under?"

ANYWAYS.

Long story short is I love the sound, it feels slightly less 'directly made for me' which is totally fine (even great! in ways!), but I think after a few more listens I'll have specific faves and more thoughts about the songs themselves.

(but in the meantime: so sexy! so gay! so Black! so explicit! so joyful! so 'personal is political' without needing to be 'political is personal'!)

so many viiiiiiiiiibes.

I'll get back to you on the rest.

[jiminsass-istant]

Jungkook may have things lined up for sure, because he was busy as hell. (And Bangpd won't let him rest, since he gotta use scooter)

Or maybe it's because he actually loves his solo career. I don't understand how you can be a jkk supporter yet lowkey throw shade at JK.

Not sure if you are new to my blog but i have always had a problem with Bang pd and the methods he used for US promotion.

JK was overworked and tired - as confirmed by both RM and Jimin in their weverse lives. They were genuinely worried about his health.

I know JK is ambitious too, and that he does want to to be big global popstar (he is). Bang pd has worked closely with jk throughout his chapter 2. If Bangpd wanted to, he could have eased his schedule. But he didn't. My shade is at Bangpd, who some fans even consider as 'father'. He is anything but. He is a businessman. BTS members just keep up appearance with him. There is some mutual respect, that's it. If you don't remember, let me remind you, when Jin said in Suchwita" we are family and bangpd is like our father" , Suga seriously replied "my father is my father." Even as a joke, he doesn't want to call Bangpd as his father figure.

Also, I'm not a jkk 'supporter' because never have i claimed that they are secretly dating. (Read my pinned). I like their bond and dynamics and don't deny their possibility as a couple.

I respect bts members individually first before any ship or company. And that's why I have an issue with Bangpd putting together an album for Jungkook in a hurry after releasing hits (seven, 3d, too much). If they had taken the time to make the album, we would have got JK's beautiful melodies. Golden's songs barely started any meaningful conversations in the fandom. It seemed like a bunch of songs put together with impeccable vocals. Except the big 3 (seven, 3d, and SNTY), did a single song feel like 'Euphoria'? Or 'still with you'? Or 'my time'?

Due to lack of time, scooter and bangpd collected songs, and jk approved some of them for his album. And given that JK wants to be a big artist in the US ( like taylor, drake , weeknd), they had to fast forward all his schedule. This is poor planning. And honestly, i feel bad for him, because none of the other members had to face this type of hectic schedule. Did you forget how much he was flying around the world? That's not healthy for anyone. He is not a diplomat, he needs to save his physical and mental energy to perform and sing. If I was JK's family/friend I would be extremely disappointed with his management. But since i'm a fan, I'm forced to say "Let him do whatever he wants. He is not forced by company after all." I know he's not forced, but he definitely is not the one arranging his own schedules.

I am sure he has another EP or album coming, or maybe a bunch of singles. I just hope we actually get Jungkook's ideas and flavours in his next releases.

[loveharlow]

i admire u sm, you don’t even knowww girl. First of all, 4 graduating!!! I fr feel like a proud mum, well done 🎓!!! That’s such a huge accomplishment. Secondly, ur writing & immense attention to detail and plot points- impeccable. Svn is constantly on my mind.

I’m just rambling on ab life here, so I apologise in advance for the waffling below, but basically- my one aspiration in life is to become a singer-songwriter/performer. Ever since I was little, it’s been my dream: on Monday, I sing, on Tuesday, I sing, and on Wednesday, I sing some more- I hold so much passion for singing. In the next 5 years of my life, I want to have recorded a country-pop album alongside a talented producer. I write songs/come up with loose ideas for songs as frequently as possible, and I have both a vocal coach who I’ve been seeing for 5yrs,& additionally, a singing teacher who I’ve just begun lessons with. My VC has been giving me tips on songwriting and stuff, which is brilliant, n I also have some musical theatre singing exams July 6th! 🤞

But in regards to songwriting, I struggle to conjure up differentiating song topics- they’re always the same subjects, which is rlly boring icl! And because of that, the lyrics I write are also incredibly repetitive across the board, as they all speak of the same topics. Now, I THINK I’m making slow progress with my songwriting skills, which is awesome, but I can’t for the life of me come up with song topics that are true and from the heart, as well as differentiating.

SO sorry for rambling on like this ml!! I j needed someone to talk to.

If you have any random pretty words or phrases that might spark some inspo for me, that’d be wonderful, or any general advice- it’d be so so greatly appreciated.

I adore your work btw!!! Keep being amazing, and I’m sooo excited for next chap of svn! You’re killing me 🩷🩷

🪩🌇🪐

This made actual tears well up in my eyes you have no idea🥺 and thank you sm! Graduating was something I was actually scared I wouldn't be doing so I've been patting myself on the back for the last couple of days.

And good for you! You found a passion and are working towards making it your reality, that's such an icon thing to do ughh🥰 Also, good luck on your exams sweetie, you seem like a such a sweetheart and I'm sure you'll do amazing!

Ahh yes, the artist's block. Writers, Artists, and Performers always experience some kind of blockage that stops us from being great🙄 I'm not sure what advice to offer though, what pulled me out of my slump was realizing that I couldn't be afraid to put myself down on the page.

When I first starting writing, I was inspired by the things I was reading so some of my earlier pieces aren't fully me. But I realized that if I follow in the shadows of others, I'll never have my own. Maybe try getting more in-tune with yourself and who you are as an individual. Don't be afraid to use your personality, life experiences, and quirks in your work! Try to become effortlessly comfortable in your own skin, don't worry about the feedback you'll get after. Try and try again, y'know? You could also try looking at life through the eyes of people around you inspiration (if they're okay with it, of course), get the chance to use your music to tell someone else's story.

As for those random pretty words, OF COURSE?? I love looking through unique names/aesthetic words so I have a couple already scattered throughout my writing docs:

Hiraeth (one of my favs) - a homesickness for a home you cannot return to or that never was.

Ephemeral - lasting for a very short time.

Illuminate - to supply or brighten with light

Synodic - relating to/involving the conjunction of stars, planets, or other celestial objects

Obeisance - any action that shows deep respect for someone/something

Aureole - a radiance encircling the head or body, as in religious paintings

Morphean - of/relating to Morpheus, to dreams, or to sleep

Some names (can still be used as words)

Calista (greek) - most beautiful

Valkyrie (scandinavian) - chooser of the slain

Aurelia (latin/roman) - the golden one

Ivy (british) - climbing evergreen plant, also associated with loyalty and devotion

Primrose (british) - first rose (associated with protection, safety, and love)

I hope you make it where you desire in life and I hope I could help, even in the slightest! xx

[rabbitcruiser]

National May Ray Day

Go outside, plan a picnic, and break out the shorts or summer dresses to usher in the warm rays of May sunshine, flowers, and fresh outdoors air.

National May Ray Day lights up our calendars on May 19th, allowing everyone to enjoy the sunshine. This day is about stepping outside, soaking in the Vitamin D, and embracing the sun’s warmth.

It marks a time to celebrate the brighter, warmer days as we move further into spring and edge closer to summer.

The reason behind celebrating this day is quite interesting. It ties back to a historical event in 1780, when an unexpected and unexplained darkness covered New England, causing confusion and fear.

This event, often remembered on May 19th, serves as a backdrop for appreciating the light and warmth the sun provides.

The day also stems from a personal celebration by Richard Ankli in 1977, honoring his brother Ray’s birthday. Thus, we all have a reason to cherish the sunlight and the joy it brings.

History of National May Ray Day

National May Ray Day, celebrated on May 19th, has an interesting history tied to a personal commemoration and natural phenomena.

It began with a comedian named Richard Ankli, who decided to honor his brother, Ray Ankli, by celebrating his birthday on this day back in 1977. This personal celebration occurred in St. Joseph, Michigan, specifically at the Broadway Fun Spot, a place associated with the Ankli family.

This marked the beginning of National May Ray Day, a day to celebrate not just a person named Ray but also to appreciate May’s sunshine and warmth as we transition from spring to summer​​​​​​.

The day also coincides with a historically dark day in 1780 when an unexplained darkness covered much of New England. This event, known for causing widespread fear and confusion, contrastingly underlines the importance of sunlight in our lives, adding depth to the celebration of May Ray Day​​.

Although initially meant to honor a specific individual named Ray, the day has evolved to celebrate the broader concept of enjoying and appreciating the sun’s rays. It encourages people to step outside, enjoy the warmth, and participate in outdoor activities.

Whether taking a walk, gardening or simply enjoying the company of those who bring sunshine into our lives, May Ray Day reminds us of the joy and benefits of spending time in the sun. It’s a day that represents a personal celebration and a universal appreciation for the natural world​​​​.

How to Celebrate National May Ray Day

Celebration tips include leisurely walking, outdoor activities, or relaxing in a sunlit spot.

Whether it’s by getting into gardening, reading outdoors, or having a picnic, the essence of National May Ray Day is to relish the outdoors and the myriad benefits of sunlight, from boosting mood to enhancing health with essential vitamin D.

Some Ideas to Celebrate the Day

Stage a Sunrise Greeting Party: Who says you can’t have a party at dawn? Grab your coziest blanket and a cup of your favorite morning brew, and head to a spot where the sunrise is impeccable. Celebrate the first rays like rock stars making an entrance.

Embark on a Solar Scavenger Hunt: Create a list of sunny spots in town that feel like little slices of happiness. Parks, murals, quirky sculptures—anything that sparkles under the sun’s gaze. Snap a selfie with each find and share your adventure online.

Picnic with a Twist: Pack a picnic but ditch the usual spots. Find a place where you wouldn’t normally eat—a rooftop, an alley decked with art, or right in your front yard. Bonus points for sun-themed foods like sun-dried tomatoes and sunny-side-up eggs!

Dance in Daylight Disco: Why wait for the night to dance? Create a playlist of songs with ‘sun,’ ‘light,’ or ‘day’ in the title, and throw a daylight disco in your living room. Invite friends or have a solo jam—just let those rays be your disco ball.

Craft Sun Catchers: Get crafty and make sun catchers to hang in your windows. Use colorful beads, glass, or even recycled materials. It’s a great way to catch and scatter joyful light around your home.

Host an Outdoor Game Marathon: Gather your pals for a series of sun-friendly games. Think frisbee, beach volleyball, or a good old-fashioned water balloon fight. It’s all about laughing under the sun.

Sunset Serenade: Cap off May Ray Day with a tribute to the sun’s daily curtain call. Find a cozy spot, perhaps with a view of the horizon, and enjoy the changing sky. Then, feel gratitude for the day’s light, perhaps with some acoustic music or quiet reflection.

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