#indirect aggression

[mantleoflight]

//Ok but this is so important. I witnessed this happen to a friend of mine in the first Destiny community I was in. We’re no longer a part of it but it was so completely heartbreaking to experience that I’m still recovering from it.

//so please be aware of this kind of stuff. If you see it happening around you, try to take steps to help turn things around. If you see it in your own behavior, try to change it. Try to recognize your own bullying behaviors and choose differently, choose to be better, to be honest, and maybe compassionate instead.

//I don’t know if I’ve put people in the bullied situation, but if I have, I am so sorry.

//I do have some YouTube channels that have been helping me heal from the aforementioned stuff above as well as bad coping mechanisms I’ve been working on kicking. I hope they’ll help you guys too.

https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG

https://www.youtube.com/@ManTalks

https://www.youtube.com/@TherapyinaNutshell

https://www.youtube.com/@JimmyonRelationships

https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD

[theobviousparadox]

Review: Odd Girl Out by Rachel Simmons

Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in GirlsRachel SimmonsMariner BooksPublished August 3, 2011 Amazon | Bookshop | Goodreads About Odd Girl Out When ODD GIRL OUT was first published, it became an instant bestseller and ignited a long-overdue conversation about the hidden culture of female bullying. Today the dirty looks, taunting notes, and social exclusion that plague girls’…

[good-to-drive]

[master-missysversion]

I was thinking about the masters outfits earlier and I never realised how much missys style still effects the master.

I realised this while comparing the saxon masters outfit to the spy masters, because they are very different. Then I realised, both Missy and Dhawan!Master are total outliers from the rest of the masters

The master typically wears all black, and only occasionally wears more extravagant, colourful outfits

Yana/The war master was a bit different, and big finish actually seems to give him quite a lot of variation in his outfits

But then going back to simm master, it's mostly black again, with just a pop of colour. Mainly red, which I think is a good choice for him, but also a little bit of green, which I find interesting, I suppose it matches the war master outfit above.

Then we have MISSY! She wears almost entirely purple. Sometimes darker, sometimes more vibrant, but pretty much always purple

And then the spy master (Dhawan!master) also wears purple, but he's also introduced some blue, and what i think is actually red but it often looks orange

He had a couple outfit changes but this was his primary outfit. Its so much closer to missy than to any of the other masters. I like that. I like the idea of expressing characters through outfits and so the choice to have him be closer to missy in that respect fascinates me

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

this might sound mean but it really is a shame that mental healthcare in Ireland is so poor because I have never encountered a people more in need of extensive collective therapy than the Irish.

[mystiquedrops]

Did I just scream at a fictional character to stop smiling?

Yes I did. And you will never guess who. /s

(I'll let y'all guess anyways, even though it's obvious who- :3 I'll leave hints in the tags)

[actual-changeling]

.

[highflyerwings]

…

[iftitah]

hi do y'all remember lj

[pochx]

i'm not close with both sides of my family for two vastly different reasons. my maternal family is because of the language barrier and the first 11 years of my life having been dedicated to making me as white american as possible. and my paternal family is because they are super conservative mormons who are perhaps some of the worst representations of US culture and people and i am a proudly mexican-american dyke

[cyberclouddream]

Types of Betrayals and the 12th House

Sun in the 12th House

self-betrayal, neglecting personal identity in favor of others

putting on a false persona to fit in

unacknowledged talents, not pursuing creative passions due to fear of judgment

abandoning leadership roles due to self-doubt

being overlooked for achievements or efforts

partners undermining self-worth or ambitions

hidden competitors, friends or colleagues sabotaging success

feeling unsupported by family in personal ambitions

public shaming or criticism

Moon in the 12th House

friends or family hiding true feelings or secrets

self-neglect, like ignoring emotional needs

trust issues

subconscious sabotaging

disillusioned by family or nurturing figures

inconsistent emotional support

manipulative partners

isolation or feeling emotionally abandoned by loved ones

mood swings

Mercury in the 12th House

miscommunication, or through lies or misrepresentation

stolen ideas

gossip or harmful rumors

hidden agendas

self-censorship

sharing secrets with those who shouldn’t know

receiving poor advice from trusted sources

signing contracts without full disclosure, deceptive agreements

Venus in the 12th House

infidelity or secret affairs

one-sided love or emotional neglect

partners misuse financial resources

hidden jealousy

feeling reduced to an object of desire rather than valued

love scams

being ostracized by a social group

artistic suppression

lack of appreciation

Mars in the 12th House

passive-aggressiveness or indirect hostility from close relations

friends not supporting you in times of need, maybe they compete instead of supporting

repressed anger

health neglect

hidden animosity from acquaintances

fighting battles or challenges alone

misguided aggression, like lashing out at those who haven’t wronged you

holding grudges that lead to isolation

colleagues sabotage your projects or ambitions

Jupiter in the 12th House

overindulgence that harms well-being

isolation from knowledge

overconfidence

judgmental attitudes

secret limitations that hinder success

misplaced faith

ignoring significant truths due to complacency

philosophical conflicts, betrayals through differing values

betrayals from mentors or spiritual leaders

Saturn in the 12th House

unspoken fears that lead to isolation

humiliation due to one’s past

burdens from unsaid expectations from others

others limiting your self-expression

others questioning your authority or competency behind your back

sacrificing personal goals for the sake of others

friends or family compromising your public image

secret resentment or holding onto grudges

Uranus in the 12th House

sudden ending in relationships without warning

disruption of stability, like sudden changes in life leading to chaos

deceitful friendships, not as supportive as they appear

neglecting personal freedom

feeling misunderstood due to eccentricities or uniqueness

no support when you rebel against conformity

fear of change

betrayal through unorthodox relationship dynamics

Neptune in the 12th House

illusions of trust

hidden addictions or unhealthy habits

living in denial regarding relationships

victim mentality

losing faith in spiritual beliefs or mentors due betrayal or doubt

confusion about personal limits leading to exploitation

escapism

others using emotional manipulation

Pluto in the 12th House

through power struggles and hidden manipulation

fear of transformation

disguised motivations

obsession with loss

emotional scars

hidden control issues, like others may exert unseen control over your personal choices

powerlessness, feeling victimized in situations that call for action

fear of intimacy

self-destructive patterns

Rahu/North Node in the 12th House

believing that you’re more than you are, illusions of grandeur

hidden envy from others or yourself

secret addictions

escapism

victim mentality

destructive fantasies

evasion of responsibility

friends using deceit to gain favor or control

disregarding boundaries, yours or others

Ketu/South Node in the 12th House

unconscious withdrawal from personal connections

past conflicts surfacing unexpectedly

denial of reality

fear of intimacy

confusion about identity

holding onto toxic relationships

overlooking self-care

friends who are secretly resentful or envious

feeling disconnected from spiritual communities

Black Moon Lilith in the 12th House

suppressed desires

fear of rejection

undermined feminine energy, like not valuing your power or intuition

using guilt to control or influence other

not confronting truths about yourself

obsession with control

allowing past experiences to dictate current behavior

secretive relationships

Chiron in the 12th House

seeking help from those unqualified or deceptive guides

not seeking help due to pride or shame

being exposed to harm due to not showing true self

fear of abandonment

wounds from isolation or solitude during challenging times

behaviors that prevent healing

not recognizing the source of emotional pain

[not-a-space-alien]

I've seen a lot of "You have to communicate directly/don't expect other people to read your mind" posts going around tumblr lately and while I really do appreciate them because it's a skill a LOT of people need to work on, I do want to remind everyone to please meet people halfway sometimes.

I recently read a story on Reddit about a guy's pregnant wife texting him "I'm craving donuts but we don't have any in the house 😔" and he DIDN'T stop to pick up donuts on the way home from work. Everyone was taking his side because "she needs to communicate" and "he's not a mind reader" and "How was he supposed to know she wanted him to get donuts???" People, ffs, why on earth would she text him that while he was at work if not because she wanted him to get donuts? I was flabbergasted everyone was taking his side. "How was he supposed to know??" What? Like yeah it's true she didn't say "I want you to get me donuts" with those exact words in that exact order but the reason why people get upset if they hint they want you to do something and you don't do it is because they feel like you don't care about them and aren't actively thinking about their feelings. Especially in a marriage or LTR they are in a situation where the assumption is you care about filling the other person's needs.

Someone who loves and cares about someone will get the donuts "without being asked" just because their partner expresses a want or need. That's what someone is fishing for when they say "Aaaah I'm craving donuts 🥺🥺🥺" It's less about the donuts and more about feeling cared for. Sometimes straight up asking "Can you get me donuts?" defeats the purpose.

Also, women are typically socialized to communicate this way because they're punished socially for being too direct. I've heard that people of color, especially black people, often do this too because they're likely to be branded as "aggressive" if they're too direct with white people. So it might be a good idea to be a bit intersectional if we're trying to encourage people to be more direct.

Take the stereotypical example of a wife gets a new haircut and then gets upset that the husband doesn't notice. She's not literally mad at him for not saying the exact words "I like your new haircut." She's upset because she feels like he doesn't look at her and appreciate the efforts she's putting in anymore.

Obviously this will vary widely depending on the nature of your relationship with someone, but especially when it comes to intimate partnerships, there are certain things your significant other should not have to tell you directly. It's probably safe to assume your wife or husband wants a birthday present even if they don't ask for it. It's probably safe to assume your bf or gf would appreciate a valentine's day present or a compliment without them having to literally ask for it, unless they explicitly say otherwise.

This is difficult for a lot of neurodivergent people to learn manually if it's not instinctual and they didn't learn it growing up (lord knows I didn't) and yes, it's true that most people (especially NT people) should learn to communicate more directly. But also, your relationships would probably benefit from learning to read indirect cues and just pick up the donuts on the way home because you heard your wife is craving them. Sometimes what someone wants is for you to think about what they're feeling and what they want and do it without them asking directly. It's up to you whether or not you do that, but sometimes that is asking. I think this is what people generally mean when they say their partner is "thoughtful."

[kodoandsangha]

Absolutely this. When my boss starts walking quickly around the office, it’s triggering for me. All related to growing up with two abusers.

abuse victims are very sensitive to passive aggressive acts of indirect violence.  shit like slamming doors and stomping around doesn’t make a statement; it puts us in a state of panic.  don’t make noise simply to rattle someone else. if you’re angry step outside and breathe.  go for a walk and collect your thoughts otherwise we will not feel safe with you if you insist on expressing your anger through intimidation and force.

[slayingfiction]

List of 400+ Dialogue Tags

Below is a full (but not exhaustive) and updated list of dialogue tags. Dialogue tags are a widely debated topic for writers, some saying you should only use said, others arguing the opposite. You will get no opinion for me—only a list to use as you wish :D

Some words may differ in categories based on context.

Expressing Agreement or Confirmation

Acknowledged, Admitted, Affirmed, Agreed, Apologized, Confirmed, Conceded, Gibed, Professed, Reassured, Verified, Vouched

Initiating or Continuing Conversation

Added, Began, Chimed In, Commented, Continued, Conversed, Discussed, Elaborated, Greeted, Interjected, Offered, Proposed, Remarked, Went On

Making a Declaration or Announcement

Announced, Attested, Declared, Decreed, Emphasized, Enunciated, Proclaimed, Revealed, Stated, Voiced

Formal or Deliberate Communication

Chanted, Concurred, Observed, Postulated, Preached, Put Forth, Reasoned, Surmised, Testified

Indirect Communication 

Digressed, Hinted, Implied, Insinuated 

Providing Information, Explanation or Speculation

Alleged, Articulated, Asserted, Clarified, Doubted, Equivocated, Explained, Guessed, Imparted, Informed, Lectured, Noted, Predicted, Quoted, Recited, Reported, Theorized

Expressing Doubt or Uncertainty

Doubted, Faltered, Guessed, Hesitated, Pondered, Questioned, Speculated, Wondered, Ventured

Seeking or Giving Advice

Advised, Coaxed, Proposed, Recommended, Remonstrated, Suggested, Supposed, Urged

Animalistic

Barked, Croaked, Growled, Hissed, Hooted, Howled, Hummed, Roared, Snarled 

Expressing Discontent or Frustration

Complained, Fretted, Grumbled, Protested, Ranted

Demonstrating Authority or Command

Avowed, Commanded, Crowed, Decided, Demanded, Dictated, Directed, Insisted, Instructed, Maintained, Ordered, Pressed, Proclaimed, Reprimanded

Displaying Confidence or Assertiveness

Asserted, Assured, Boasted, Bragged, Claimed, Piped Up, Pledged, Spoke Up, Told, Vowed

Exhibiting Anger or Aggression

Accused, Bristled, Challenged, Cursed, Erupted, Exasperated, Fumed, Groaned, Huffed, Raged, Seethed, Snapped, Spat, Stormed, Swore, Threatened, Whinged

Displaying Sadness or Despair

Anguished, Bawled, Bemoaned, Blubbered, Cried, Despaired, Grieved, Lamented, Mourned, Sobbed, Wept, Whimpered, Worried

Persuasiveness 

Appealed, Begged, Cajoled, Convinced, Persuaded, Petitioned, Pleaded, Prayed

Conveying Fear or Worry

Cautioned, Entreated, Gasped, Quaked, Shuddered, Stressed, Trembled, Warned

Softly or Quietly

Breathed, Called, Crooned, Murmured, Mumbled, Muttered, Sighed, Whispered

Loudly or Forcefully

Bellowed, Boomed, Cried Out, Hollered, Screamed, Screeched, Shouted, Shrieked, Thundered, Wailed, Whooped, Yelled

Demonstrating Disgust or Disdain

Cringed, Gagged, Griped, Groused, Rasped, Scowled, Sneered, Snorted

Expressing Mockery, Disrespect or Sarcasm

Dared, Imitated, Insulted, Jeered, Mimicked, Mocked, Ribbed, Ridiculed, Scoffed, Snickered, Taunted 

Doing Annoyingly

Gloated, Goaded, Nagged, Pestered, Provoked, Sassed, Tattled

Emotional or Expressive Communication

Grunted, Mewled, Panted, Quavered, Sniffled, Snivelled, Squawked, Whined, Yowled

Showing Empathy or Comfort

Comforted, Consoled, Empathized, Soothed, Sympathized

Indicating Thoughtfulness or Reflection

Contemplated, Echoed, Mused, Pondered, Recalled, Reflected, Remembered, Reminded, Reminisced, Retorted, Reiterated

Expressing Humour or Amusement

Cackled, Chirped, Chuckled, Giggled, Guffawed, Jested, Joked, Laughed, Quipped

Revealing Information

Confessed, Confided, Divulged, Disclosed, Expressed, Hinted, Revealed, Shared, Spilled, Uttered

In a Flirtatious Way

Bantered, Cooed, Flirted, Joshed, Moaned, Purred, Teased

Demonstrating Surprise or Astonishment

Gasped, Marvelled, Yelped

Indicating Hesitation or Reluctance

Faltered, Hesitated, Stammered, Stuttered

Engaging in a Dispute or Argument

Argued, Bargained, Bickered, Contended, Debated, Disputed, Negotiates, Objected, Rebutted, Shot Back

Showing Enthusiasm or Excitement

Beamed, Blurted, Cheered, Exclaimed, Gushed, Raved, Rejoiced, Sang, Squealed, Trumpeted

Expressing Approval or Praise

Applauded, Complimented, Encouraged, Exhorted, Extolled, Lauded, Praised

Speaking in a Continuous or Repetitive Manner

Babbled, Chattered, Jabbered, Rambled, Rattled On, Repeated

Questions and Answers

Answered, Asked, Cross-examined, Inquired, Implored, Probed. Prodded, Prompted, Queried, Questioned, Quizzed, Requested

Expressing Criticism or Disagreement

Challenged, Chastised, Chided, Condemned, Corrected, Countered, Criticized, Deflected, Demurred, Denounced, Scolded

Negative or Deceptive Communication

Denied, Droned, Exaggerated, Interrupted, Lied

Finishing the Conversation 

Concluded, Finished, Thanked

Neutral or Miscellaneous

Admired, Consented, Foretold, Invited, Mentioned, Mouthed, Pointed Out, Replied, Said, Sputtered, Volunteered

Don’t forget our Grand Opening Giveaway starts February 1st/24 on Tumblr, Instagram and slayingfiction.com! You don’t want to miss it!

Happy Writing!

[the-cosmic-cauldron]

🤫🤔🫢🫦🧠🗣️ Your Communication Issues Based on Your Rising Sign 🤫🤔🫢🫦🧠🗣️

Disclaimer: If it don’t apply, let it fly ☺️😌

Aries Rising:

* Speaking aggressively even when calm.

* Noticeable anxiety when they speak ( voice getting louder, shaky voice, stuttering, mumbling).

* Struggle to listen as their minds are fired up.

* Changing their opinion frequently and playing devils advocate.

* Easily able to manipulate others, watch out for their convincing ways especially when they want something.

* Can come across as judgmental and can make people uncomfortable with this aspect.

Taurus Rising:

* Can be hard to know how they truly feel, they can play off just how emotional they are, closed off.

* Reserved and private, hard to get these people to open up.

* They can tell people what they want to hear, instead of choosing to be honest.

* They can retreat into their own world especially to deal with their emotions, hard to reach.

* If they feel a certain way towards someone they can be stubborn, defensive, and take things personally.

* Can hold a lot of their real feelings in.

Gemini Rising:

* Needs an audience or some form of validation to be talkative and social or they will be quiet.

* A lot of pride over their opinions and perspective.

* They can dish it, but they cannot take it.

* Can struggle to allow others to shine, they want to be the brains, beauty, and more.

* Selectively choosing to engage with those who give their ego a boost.

* Saying things just so people can like them.

* Telling lies.

Cancer Rising:

* Categorizing people into boxes before getting to know them.

* Indirect communication style. ( skimming around topics, avoiding certain conversations, not allowing anyone in, passive aggressive).

* Not being authentic in their communication, saying what they believe the other wants to hear.

* Can become detached and emotionally distant when sorting through their own issues.

* Difficulty expressing their feelings, but can be a therapist for other people.

* Criticizing the way they speak too much, over analyzing their communication.

* Can be a complainer.

Leo Rising:

* Perfectionist about your social image.

* Feeling a sense of importance amongst others that can come off as a superiority complex.

* Easily see the flaws of others, but can have a hard time being forthright and transparent about their flaws.

* Always trying to make everyone happy and feel good, but struggling with their own insecurities.

* Being superficial and caring about outward appearance too much, constant criticizing people’s appearance.

* Have a big ego and feel slighted and personally offended fast.

* Wants to be popular so will people please to fit in with the in crowd.

* Can be avoidant or disappear when issues come up.

* Can gossip about people behind their back.

Virgo Rising:

* Can be detached due to their introspective and analytical nature.

* Withdraw a lot and need a lot of time to themselves to process their experiences.

* Intensely introverted and retreats a lot into their own world.

* Going through extremes of isolated and constantly socializing and talking.

* Either dead silent or chatter box’s.

* Scrutinizing themselves too much so others feel awkward around them.

* If not scrutinizing around others, mentally doing it in a conversation and then feeling the need to be quiet.

* Psychoanalyzing and probing others but get uncomfortable when people do this to them.

* Speaking intensely.

Libra Rising:

* There is an excessive need to appear positive, bordering toxic positivity.

* Head in the clouds

* A tendency to overpromise or overextend theirselves to others.

* An issue with instilling boundaries.

* Do things just to keep the peace.

* Will run away at the sight of any issue or problems.

* Friends with people they outgrew but just keep thinking things will get better.

* Can be naive in conversations.

Scorpio Rising:

* Negative, pessimistic, cynical mindset which can often undermine their communication.

* Chronic complainers.

* Feels restricted in speaking freely. Feels they need to speak when spoken to or with people they are close to.

* Reserved and timid.

* Can have a mindset that nothing matters so can a bit dry responding to people’s issues.

* Or may take on other people’s issues as their own and act like a therapist.

* They can probe and psychoanalyze others but keep a lot of their personality and business hidden.

* Need to have control when communicating with others. Control and power dynamics are apparent in their communication.

* May feel more mature than others, so constantly feeling they have to dumb theirselves down or parent others.

* Can be grammar and pronunciation police.

* Judgmental of how people present themselves. May think everyone should be like them.

* Usually ends up trauma bonding or attracting people who vent a lot of their emotions on them.

Sagittarius Rising:

* Has big ideas that often are not yet accepted or people deem crazy, unrealistic, or wishful.

* Want others to join along their ideas, and may deal with pushback from more conservative individuals.

* Interrupts mid conversation cause they have something they have to just get out.

* Doesn’t listen well when people talk to them about things that aren’t interesting.

* Challenges others beliefs which can come off as personal attacks.

* Detached and insensitive when engrossed in a new idea, project, or interests.

* Unpredictable communication.

* Can have random outbursts or random moments where they are super happy and social.

* High energy which can be overwhelming to some. Talks a lot and then distant.

Capricorn Rising:

* Feeling restricted in communication. Wanting to express themselves freely but feeling that they have to control a lot of what they say.

* A sensitive soul with a hard exterior.

* Finding that people project a lot onto them.

* Feeling you they cant be themselves , so choosing to stay silent.

* Being deceitful or lying.

* Having to hold in a secret that weighs heavy on them.

* Needing someone to stimulate a conversation with them or else they don’t know what to say.

* Unclear on how to assert themselves. May come off passive aggressive.

* Off into their own world, withdrawn from the world.

Aquarius Rising:

* Can come across as less emotional and detached. Can say things bluntly and outright that shock or upset others.

* If someone isn’t being forthright and honest you can become irritated easily.

* Needing space to do their own thing. Can feel smothered by too much interaction.

* Unexpected communication. They might go weeks without talking to someone and then call them.

* On the other hand they can attract abrupt personalities where communication is spontaneous.

* Controversial opinions.

* Some of the ways they talk can be strange or odd.

* Females might carry a masculine theme to them that can intimidate others.

Pisces Rising:

* Withdrawn and uncommunicative.

* These people are sensitive and will retreat if they sense an issue or conflict.

* These people struggle to initiate conversation.

* Stubborn towards other people’s ideas.

* Can lie and fabricate things.

* Masters at deflecting and gaslighting.

* Can rationalize their feelings or at times make it seem their feelings are insignificant. They can also do this others.

* Rose colored glasses and can come across as delusional.

* May refuse to take any criticism.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Hello this is just to say that I am very interested in that post you mentioned maybe making about indirect communication!

So to define Direct and Indirect communication with a pair of examples real fast:

Direct communication: "Hey, can you do the dishes?" Indirect communication: "There's dishes in the sink." (Please wash them.)

Indirect communication tends to trip a lot of ND, but especially Autistic people up because the implied request in the parentheses... doesn't always come through. So you don't do the dishes, and the Indirect communicator gets frustrated because they thought they had made that request perfectly clearly.

Which, in their defense, they did! ...in their micro-cultural language.

See, the actual purpose of Indirect Communication is to provide some extra verbal personal space and non-aggression measures in micro-cultures where people's personal autonomy has been compromised but there is also a high degree of understood social context.

Hm. That's a weird sentence. Let's try some more examples.

Indirect communication is most common in places or situations where people's ability to stay in their own lane is compromised, but everyone also shares the same base knowledge of what's going on. One example is in large cities, where people are PHYSICALLY up in each other's personal space because they're physically crowded. So cities have etiquette like "Don't make eye contact on public transit unless you actually need to address someone", so that, if people can't stop violating your personal space, they can at least signal non-aggression and give you some privacy. People raised in large cities, or who have lived there for a while all learn these unspoken rules by trial and error, some of us with more errors and trials than others.

Thus, in physically compact situations, "There's dishes in the sink" means "There's dishes in the sink." (I trust that you are already familiar with the social rules that dictate that dishes need to be done, and assume the reason you haven't done them is because you haven't seen the sink yet. I won't insult your intelligence by elaborating on the Do The Dishes Rule, because I know you are smart <3)

Speaking of Privacy, the other place indirect communication is common is in situations where people have Limited Privacy and thus everyone knows what's going on with them, and they know what's going on with everyone else, whether they want to or not. Close-knit families and religious communities often have this shared no-privacy pool, but it can also happen with you and two roommates in a 100sq ft apartment, or on a research vessel in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Since y'all are up in each other's business, indirect communication is there to prevent hostility in close quarters.

This, in a low-privacy situation, "There's dishes in the sink." means "There's dishes in the sink." (I know you are a good and responsible roommate who is maybe a little forgetful, and I trust you to have enough context from living in the live feed of everyone's life to know that I need them done. I won't insult you by suggesting your motivation was malicious in any way, and i trust you to do them <3)

So, to an indirect communicator, that was a perfectly clear request to do the dishes because OF COURSE you'd know what they meant- literally everyone else they deal with is in on this shared knowledge of social rules and daily updates. And not elaborating on that request is an affectionate sign of trust in your competence.

Except, you know. You're not.

So, you try to explain to your indie friend that "There's dishes in the sink." only sounds like an observation, and your brain will not auto-fill in the request like theirs does, so if you want me to do the dishes, just ask with words, okay?

And your indie friend understands this! but then instead of going "Hey, can you do the dishes?" they instead don't say ANYTHING until they're really frustrated with the state of the kitchen, and communicate VERY directly at you, and with great anger.

What happened?

So remember how indirect communication exists to prevent hostility and violence? That's because the threat of hostility and violence is VERY, VERY REAL.

Like you, your indirect communication friend made some mistakes while learning The Unsaid Rules and How To Use The Shared Information Pool, and the social hammer came down on them HARD. Ostracization, ridicule, maybe even actual, psychical harm. So they grew very, very afraid of violating those secret rules, and doubly so with people they like, so your indirect communication friend is facing this HUGE EMOTIONAL BLOCK when it comes to directly communicating with you, because to someone who grew up with their boundaries compromised and the threat of hostility if they violate the communication rules, communicating directly with someone they love feels really, really, really mean and they don't want to hurt or lose you.

For real, "Hey, please do the dishes" sounds like "Hey, please do the dishes." (You fucking moron who doesn't give a shit about our home and probably hates me) to them, and they don't want to talk like that to you. It's like how we never like picking the mean dialogue option in video games.

So instead they... just don't say anything at all, rather than risk a potential confrontation, and then the dishes don't get done and it turns into a REAL confrontation.

What a headache.

So what are we gonna do?

Well, you can't control your friend's actions, emotional reactions or interpersonal skills, but you can manage yours, and you're gonna have to meet them halfway, and it's gonna feel like training a skittish cat that coming out from under the couch is safe. Several-pronged approach:

DO NOT PUNISH BEHAVIOR YOU WANT TO SEE. When your friend does manage to say "Hey, please do the dishes?" don't go "UUUUGH IN A MINUTE." even if you are in the middle of something else and their timing sucks, which is probably does. Stick to either neutral responses ("Cool, let me finish this paragraph and I'll get on that") to positive responses ("Oh, sure! Thanks for letting me know!")

REWARD THE BEHAVIOR YOU WANT TO SEE. -and then actually go do the dishes to demonstrate that this approach not only is safe, it's effective. Also, praise your friend when they do a good job communicating with you. "Hey, thanks for actually asking me to do the dishes, that was really helpful." or "You're doing a great job navigating and giving me directions, this is much less stressful than the GPS" or "Thanks for being honest about how I was annoying you and bringing it up before it became a huge issue." This will kind of feel like you're an actor on sesame street teaching big bird how to say please and thank you, but honestly? that was the age most of us learned our communication skills, and we return to that teaching method because BY GOD IT WORKS.

MODEL THE BEHAVIORS YOU WANT TO SEE. Humans learn by copying, so lead by example with the kind of communication that helps you, and explain why it helps. "Hey friend, a question so I can schedule some stuff- Do you have any plans this weekend I should know about, or am I clear to paint the bathroom?"

This is the one that sucks but YOU GOTTA MEET THEM HALFWAY AND LEARN ABOUT THE CONTEXT POOL. Can't make everyone learn, and Indirect communication has it's uses (especially in modern jobs and social media), so you gotta learn their style too. I literally have a discord server that's just me where I keep notes on the life events and conditions of my friends, coworkers, neighbors and loved ones because I know I won't remember that shit, but they will kind of expect me to, and it's been a lifesaver in both not blundering into social faux pas, and actually getting around my crap memory to know them better. You can also model hybrid communication and practice your indirect skills by using an indirect request opener, but then saying the rest of the implied context aloud: "Hey, there's dishes in the sink. I know you'll do that ASAP because you're cool, I just wanted to make sure you knew they were there and needed to be washed, thanks <3"

Accept that some people aren't gonna change for reasons that are beyond their control and probably have nothing to do with you, and decide what you're willing to invest in learning to deal with them. I still have to play 5D words chess with my mother-in-law, who was raised in a close-physical-space-AND-no-privacy culture and is an excruciatingly anxious indirect communicator as a result. I can't make her go to therapy for the anxiety, and until she does, her ability to communicate effectively probably won't improve. It's got nothing to do with me, even if I'm the person she's most frequently at odds with. As a result, I have extremely limited contact with her. I don't see her for more than a few hours at a time, when we have an activity to do together, and only a handful of times a year. More than that, and I get brainworms by proxy, so for my sanity, I've limited what I am willing to do with her. Maybe your indirect communicator is someone worth effectively learning a second language for, like a lover. Maybe they're someone you can cut out of your life entirely without issue, like a manger at a retail job you can quit. You'll have to decide.

Anyway, that's my raised-bilingual ADHD/Autism Direct/indirect communicator ramble, hope it helps.