#incorrect remus lupin

[incorrectwolfstar]

sirius: just found out james is shagging regulus

remus: and??

sirius: therefore me and you need to get together so we can give him a taste of his own medicine

remus: how would that remotely affect james

sirius: i don’t know but we should still do it anyways

[skylarinfinity]

remus : harry, i'm sorry but me and professor male reader leaving hogwarts for good [give harry sympathy smile]

harry : [angry] are you fucking serious?!

male reader : [shocked] how do you know about us and sirius?!

harry : [confused] what-

remus : [sighs] male reader, it's serious not sirius.

male reader : oh...

tags lists @sonicqaulan @graysonfriggason @thebettermaximofftwins @sloanalistair @acienthazard @starlinggoldeneyes @ortegaolsen @wednesdaywanda @sandwichmarvel @gardenofmarvel @wanda-cabin-natasha-jacket @panandinpain0 @badblondebisexualboy

[faerycross]

sirius taking a "is my boyfriend autistic" quiz on his pc at the kitchen table and james making tea behind him like "yeah i took that yesterday. your brother is autistic by the way"

[accio-sriracha]

Sirius: *irritated* Just because I can turn into a dog, does NOT mean I act like one.

James: *raises eyebrow* Oh, yeah?

James: *throws quill across the room* Hey Padfoot, go fetch.

Sirius: *actually fighting himself to hold still* I despise you.

Remus: Here, I got an idea.

Remus: *walks over and tips Sirius' chin up with his finger* Who's my good boy?

Sirius: *absolutley melts*

James: *reluctantly impressed* Get a fucking room.

[that-bitch-kat3]

sirius: remus isn’t a hear me out because everybody wants to fuck him

james:

peter:

remus:

james: i do think that’s something you should look into on your own time

[rudamaruda520]

[on the phone]

Sirius: Where are you? Dinner is getting cold!

Remus: Waiting for the bus.

Sirius: Hurry up!

Remus: Ok, I'll be waiting faster, you cunt.

[outromoony]

Sirius: I don't know how to tell all of you this, so I'm going to whisper it to James, who will inevitably shout it out in surprise.

Sirius: *whispers to James*

James: YOU'RE DATING MOONY?!

[percyweasleyapologist]

Remus: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Remus, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Remus: how did Reggie first came out to you?

Sirius: well there were always signs, but when he really did, he did it by giving me a bunch of blue cupcakes and a greeting card that said "it's a boy!"

Remus: That's cute

Sirius: It was NOT cute!

Sirius: I thought he was pregnant.

[managone16]

Sirius: Guess fucking what? Peter: You killed your parents. Remus: You burned down the Great Hall. James: You shagged Remus. Sirius: I fucking apologized to Regulus. *Everyone Gasps*

[incorrectwolfstar]

sirius: i was gonna say we could do a marilyn monroe and john f kennedy roleplay but i’d get too much into it

remus: how?

sirius: because you’d be all sexy and say “come to bed, mr. president,” and i’d be like “i can’t, i need to increase the amount of american military advisors in south vietnam by eighteen.”

[moondustinfj]

James: He hates me! Why does your uncle hate me Sirius??

Sirius: Oh...Because I told him you were the one who smoked pot in my room when I visited him in 5th year

James: WHAT??

Regulus *coming inside* : Hey, what's going on?

James: Sirius told Alphard that I smoked pot in Sirius' room in 5th year!

Regulus: What? Were you even there?

Sirius: ...I told him he flew out of the window

James: And why did he believe it?

Sirius: Because I told him what an excellent quidditch player you are :)

James: awwww :) you really-

Regulus: NO. Don't even start. Sirius, James and I are supposed to tell him that we live together TODAY and we can't do that if he hates James!

Sirius: Okay! Okay...I'll tell him.

(1 hour later)

Regulus: So. Did you tell him?

Sirius: Yeah about that. I was thinking of maybe writing him a letter-

Regulus: Okay you know what? You had your chance.

Regulus *goes up to Alphard*: Uncle. James didn't smoke pot in 5th year, Sirius did.

Sirius: YOU ARE SUCH A TATTLETALE!!

Alphard: Is this true Sirius?

Sirius: Yes..

Regulus: And uncle. Sirius was the one who melted your collection.

Sirius:

Sirius: REGULUS' ONLY FRIEND FOR YEARS WAS OUR HOUSE ELF

Regulus: *gasp*

Regulus: SIRIUS AND REMUS BROKE UP, GOT TOGETHER AND BROKE UP. AGAIN!

Sirius: REGULUS BECAME A DEATH EATER THEN WENT ON A SECRET MISSION TO FIND THE HORCRUXES. ON HIS OWN!

Regulus: SIRIUS IS GOING TO ASK REMUS TO MARRY HIM!

Remus: what

Sirius: YOU LITTLE- REGULUS AND JAMES ARE LIVING TOGETHER!!

Alphard: ....That is a lot of information to take in 30 seconds. I will have a word with both of you later. And James.

James:

Alphard: You have been Sirius' best friend for years, stuck by him through his drug problem

Sirius: Oh come on, it's not like he never-

Alphard: And now you've taken on Regulus as well. I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.

James: Thank you, sir

Alphard: Please. Call me uncle.

James: Okay...uncle.

Remus:

Remus:

Remus: Okay so am I supposed to ignore the fact that-

[marauders-incorrect-quotes-0]

Regulus: James pissed me off today, so I told him that I can't wait to see what he has planned for our special day tomorrow.

Regulus: There's nothing special about tomorrow.

Regulus: But there is something special about watching the colour leave his face as the panic takes over.

Remus:

Remus: Genius.

[saah4r]

remus/james: has anyone ever told you that they love you?

sirius/regulus: do parents count?

remus/james: yes

sirius/regulus: then no

[child-of-icarus]

Lily, talking to the group: Don’t add to the population, don’t subtract from the population. Don’t drink if you’re underage, and don’t apprate if you’re drunk. Stay out of the morgue, the Profit, and Azkaban.

Sirius, whispering: Well there go our plans for the night

Remus: Which part?

James: All of it

[rudamaruda520]

Regulus: I get a feeling that the two of you will get along really well! *immediately leaves*

*Sirius and Barty sitting in visibly uncomfortable silence for a long while*

Sirius: Quidditch?

Barty: Nah...

Barty: Serial killers?

Sirius: Not really...

Sirius: Motorcycles?

Barty: Maybe...

Barty: um... mommy issues?

Sirius: Kinda?!

Sirius: hmm... pretending to be straight but actually very much gay and in love with a grumpy best friend?

Barty: Omg! We'll really get along well!