#incorrect remus lupin
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incorrectwolfstar · 11 months ago
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sirius: just found out james is shagging regulus
remus: and??
sirius: therefore me and you need to get together so we can give him a taste of his own medicine
remus: how would that remotely affect james
sirius: i don’t know but we should still do it anyways
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skylarinfinity · 1 year ago
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remus : harry, i'm sorry but me and professor male reader leaving hogwarts for good [give harry sympathy smile]
harry : [angry] are you fucking serious?!
male reader : [shocked] how do you know about us and sirius?!
harry : [confused] what-
remus : [sighs] male reader, it's serious not sirius.
male reader : oh...
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mischievous-thunder · 2 years ago
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Remus: Your barking woke me up at 6 a.m. on my day off.
Sirius, scoffing: My barking saved you from being murdered today and yet you're so ungrateful.
Remus: It was just a plastic bag, Sirius.
Sirius, haughtily: Looked sketchy enough to me.
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faerycross · 17 days ago
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sirius taking a "is my boyfriend autistic" quiz on his pc at the kitchen table and james making tea behind him like "yeah i took that yesterday. your brother is autistic by the way"
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moondustinfj · 4 months ago
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James: He hates me! Why does your uncle hate me Sirius??
Sirius: Oh...Because I told him you were the one who smoked pot in my room when I visited him in 5th year
James: WHAT??
Regulus *coming inside* : Hey, what's going on?
James: Sirius told Alphard that I smoked pot in Sirius' room in 5th year!
Regulus: What? Were you even there?
Sirius: ...I told him he flew out of the window
James: And why did he believe it?
Sirius: Because I told him what an excellent quidditch player you are :)
James: awwww :) you really-
Regulus: NO. Don't even start. Sirius, James and I are supposed to tell him that we live together TODAY and we can't do that if he hates James!
Sirius: Okay! Okay...I'll tell him.
(1 hour later)
Regulus: So. Did you tell him?
Sirius: Yeah about that. I was thinking of maybe writing him a letter-
Regulus: Okay you know what? You had your chance.
Regulus *goes up to Alphard*: Uncle. James didn't smoke pot in 5th year, Sirius did.
Sirius: YOU ARE SUCH A TATTLETALE!!
Alphard: Is this true Sirius?
Sirius: Yes..
Regulus: And uncle. Sirius was the one who melted your collection.
Sirius:
Sirius: REGULUS' ONLY FRIEND FOR YEARS WAS OUR HOUSE ELF
Regulus: *gasp*
Regulus: SIRIUS AND REMUS BROKE UP, GOT TOGETHER AND BROKE UP. AGAIN!
Sirius: REGULUS BECAME A DEATH EATER THEN WENT ON A SECRET MISSION TO FIND THE HORCRUXES. ON HIS OWN!
Regulus: SIRIUS IS GOING TO ASK REMUS TO MARRY HIM!
Remus: what
Sirius: YOU LITTLE- REGULUS AND JAMES ARE LIVING TOGETHER!!
Alphard: ....That is a lot of information to take in 30 seconds. I will have a word with both of you later. And James.
James:
Alphard: You have been Sirius' best friend for years, stuck by him through his drug problem
Sirius: Oh come on, it's not like he never-
Alphard: And now you've taken on Regulus as well. I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.
James: Thank you, sir
Alphard: Please. Call me uncle.
James: Okay...uncle.
Remus:
Remus:
Remus: Okay so am I supposed to ignore the fact that-
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percyweasleyapologist · 25 days ago
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Remus: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.
Remus, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.
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liv45no · 2 months ago
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Ted: dating a Black is great.
James: so great!
Remus: the best!
Ted: but they tend to be a tad judgmental.
James: almost punitive.
Remus: they are monsters.
Ted: that’s why the three of us formed a secret alliance to help each other cover up our little mistakes :)
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yourgalgremlin · 2 months ago
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REMUS: I spent most of 5th year in & out—
SIRIUS: of the hospital wing?
JAMES: of detention?
REGULUS: of Sirius?
REMUS: …of depression.
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immadeofdustandshadows · 2 months ago
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Sirius, about the fight jegulus just had: so when you two fight, he makes you sleep on the couch?
James: no, it's even worse. He sleeps on the couch. So on top of being alone, I'm left feeling guilty that he has to sleep on the couch because of me and I'm up all night thinking about my actions.
Sirius: *thinking* I have to make sure that Remus never learns this.
Regulus: I slept like a baby.
Remus: *nodding* I see.
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incorrectwolfstar · 8 months ago
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sirius: i was gonna say we could do a marilyn monroe and john f kennedy roleplay but i’d get too much into it
remus: how?
sirius: because you’d be all sexy and say “come to bed, mr. president,” and i’d be like “i can’t, i need to increase the amount of american military advisors in south vietnam by eighteen.”
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spiritstar477 · 3 months ago
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Sirius: would you still love me if I was a worm?
Remus: baby, I’d make you a lovely little enclosure with all the dirt and compose you’d ever want. I’d hold you and take you places in my pocket and kiss you good night. I’d—. . .
vs
Remus: would you still love me if I was a worm?
Sirius: *thinks* yeah, I’d fuck a worm
Remus: *looks at the camera like in the office*
—————————————————————————————————————
James: would you still love me if I was a worm?
Regulus: it depends… were you always a worm or were you transfigured into one? The former, no, we’d never have met. The latter, then yes, and I’d figure out how to turn you back.
vs
Regulus: would you still love me if I was a worm?
James: yes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
—————————————————————————————————————
Barty: would you still love me if I was a worm?
Evan: I’d cut you up so I could have a bunch of you
vs
Evan: would you still love me if I was a worm?
Barty: I’d cut you up so I could have a bunch of you
(bc they’re both batshit insane)
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moutainrusing · 3 months ago
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Sirius: My kink is doing stupid shit and watching Remus speed-run the five stages of grief as he realises that he still wants to fuck me.
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honeylemonntea · 4 months ago
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Remus: “They’re just so frustrating.”
Remus: “Regulus has been dropping obvious hints that he likes James and he still doesn’t get it!”
Sirius: *wearing a ‘PLEASE SNOG ME, MOONY’ hat* “Wow that’s crazy”
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child-of-icarus · 4 months ago
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Regulus: Guys, I need to tell you something
Regulus: I’m in love with my brothers best friend
Barty: Your own brother? The one that was disowned??
Regulus: Not my brother, his best friend
Dorcas: Remus?
Regulus: That’s my brothers boyfriend. I’m in love with his best friend
Pandora: Lily!?
Regulus: No, that’s Remus’ best friend
Regulus: It’s James, I’m in love with James
Evan: Your brothers best friend!?
Regulus: [heavy sigh]
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outromoony · 4 months ago
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James: umm... why is Sirius crying on the floor?
Regulus: he's drunk
James: ...aaand?
Regulus: he found out Remus has a boyfriend.
James:
James: but HE IS REMUS' BOYFRIEND
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propussyslayer · 4 months ago
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Flight attendant: Please make sure all your small items are secured.
Sirius: Do you feel safe, buddy?
Regulus: I will murder you
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