#including favorite joking memes but not really a joke save him

[seunghyunjigglers]

mama, a stray kid behind YOU ★ @seunghyunjigglers

ot8 skz members as brainrot memes!

author's note: we even included links for some of the less chronically online divas out there (generous much?)! a lot of thought and effort went into this and we hope you love and appreciate our firstborn child. tw: dark humor. betas, do not interact!

chan ★ "i'm the leader, i'm the alpha, i'm the one to trust"

unironically watches bad edits of himself and goes "ayeee" to hype himself up about being edited

comments under them on his secret account

his fyp is now most definitely infiltrated by alpha chan edits

let's be real the whole trend was probably what inspired wolfgang to be released

bites his lip bc he thinks it makes him look sexy and he just looks like he's eating his bottom lip

tries to do that thing where guys put their necklace between their lips and take pics to be sexy but the necklace falls down his throat and he starts choking

would deliberately start doing aegyo followed by serving face to show his 'duality' since apparently the fandom love it (poor guy doesn't understand irony still)

LOVES when stays talk about his gyatt and starts using it bc he thinks its just another normal word for ass and seungmin and felix almost throw up laughing at him

minho ★ "queen never cry"

genuinely thought 'lock in' was something to be taken seriously and does NOT take it lightly when chan tells everyone to lock in

his kinky ass also probably thought it was some kind of jail roleplay (jisung had to explain it to him)

has mewing competitions with himself in the mirror

makes 'minho never CRY 💜' the note on his alarm in the morning

thinks it’s funny when he recommends the ki sisters manga (where the meme comes from) to people as his favorite series and the poor author has to actually go on a talk show cause he blew it up with the internet

checks his notifications EVERY day hoping someone will edit him with that baby

accidentally comments “queen NEVER cry” under a sentimental skz edit on the official account and wakes up with several calls from his managers.. let’s just say it didn’t go over well

changbin ★ "gadagadegadagadao" (omega nugget)

he stumbled across this meme on felix's fyp one evening and thought it would make the best vocal warmup for his raps, didn't realise it was a joke and actually uses it before recording tracks

when he discovers its a meme he thinks its hilarious and makes it his whole personality

stops mid convo with people and makes the face and thinks he's so funny (everyone is tired of it)

orders mcdonald's for everyone and takes the time to draw the face on EVERY chicken nugget and couldn't be prouder of himself

genuinely thinks the song is an actual banger and has it saved as a sample for a potential title track

hyunjin ★ "donatella VERSACE"

only types like THIS 💜 and felix and seungmin are the only ones who get it

chan finds out and secretly changes his name in a groupchat with their managers and staff to "hwang HYUNJIN 💜"

he is tired but donatella is not

his gag christmas present for secret santa is boxers with ms versace herself covering his chocolate starfish and he has a wardrobe malfunction while wearing them at a show and EVERYONE sees

is actually really embarrassed when he has to explain what it means to her and she just nods and tries to smile with all her botox

after this she comments it on all her posts and he accepts that he’s never escaping it

jisung ★ "jiafei 'in my head' remix" (floptropica)

this man is always singing his lungs out in every skz code and somewhere along the way he saw an edit of him with jiafei's vocals in the bg

was actually impressed by her vocal skills and tried to hunt down her ig page, ends up on some fake floptropican fanpage but he doesn't know this because he has minimal survival skills

dms some loser message like "wow your voice is sooooo nice haha...i also like to sing lol...so do you like korean boys haha..."

owner of the jiafei fan account is a stay and thinks this is hilarious and catfishes the hell out of him for WEEKS, sends vocal edits and jisung unironically eats them up, he def sends back vms of him doing vocal covers to impress her

felix hears him singing a jiafei remix one day and almost shits himself laughing, jisung gets angry and defensive until felix reveals that jiafei is literally a meme

realises he's been catfished

blocks the account and gets sulky whenever any floptropican edit pops up on his fyp, but still sings the jiafei remixes quietly to himself (some habits are hard to break)

felix ★ "oi oi oi...baka" (freaky larvae)

recreates it and everyone takes it seriously and he has to make a video telling everyone it was not in fact a thirst trap

breaks up serious arguments like "we need to calm down...you're all being a bunch of...heh...bakas..."

searches it up one day to see if there's any other lore and accidentally discovers a yagami yato audio and gets traumatised

seungmin gets fed up by felix constantly repeating it so he comes up with a master plan and during one of their japan concerts says "oh, felix has been practicing his japanese lately...what's that thing you keep saying?"

i feel like he'd perfect that freaky expression and everyone is sick of him and changbin for randomly using them

picks larva on his turn to choose something for movie night and everyone comically (see what i did there) groans and gets up while he’s just there cracking up

seungmin ★ "saddam hussein hiding spot"

this guy saw a 'saddam hussein hiding spot' comment under jeongin's post and fell down the rabbithole (or rather, the entrance covered in bricks and rubble)

thinks its HILARIOUS because it's a historically accurate meme (nerd!)

definitely whispers it every single time he sees someone or something laying down and everyone is so fed up with it, also gets felix to do the voice since he can imitate it perfectly

uses it as an excuse to randomly start lying down during dance practices and when everyone complains he just says "why am i lowkey serving saddama hussein hiding spot?"

he'd take this shi so seriously like he'd be doing the math to figure out how much time to spend on each app each day so he can make his daily screen time average look like saddam hussein JUST to make the reference

jeongin ★ "that feeling when knee surgery is tomorrow"

someone makes a comment about how they tore their acl and have to get knee surgery and he goes "that feeling when knee surgery is tomorrow" and starts laughing

it wasn't very funny to said someone

probably has to make one of those formal instagram apology posts because of it (he sets the music as the bg for the original post but his manager makes him delete it and post again)

fake falls at practice and when everyone crowds around him all worried he says he feels like he might need knee surgery tomorrow and gets kicked out of the room

pays an insane amount of money to get everyone matching knee surgery knee pads for practice and absolutely loses it every time someone actually needs to use it and has no other choice

posts a fake hospital pic with “do NOT get your knee surgery from shein !!” on his secret account

asks for permission to change his pfp to the grinch and considers outing jyp when he gets told no

[slythereen]

see. i’m really amused to see mercedes charles taking over f1twt because it shows the masses understand our struggle. BUT…

i’m already overly loyal to rbr charles and i am Actively Dismayed to see merc charles currently prevailing🧍🏼‍♀️

[zombii-ships]

Jack, Joseph, Ian and Bo with breeder kink headcanons, please!

PERMISSION TO TALK ABOUT BREEDING KINKS ACTIVATEDDDDD

Jack

- didnt know he had this kink til you let him cum inside one time

- You literally could see his pupils blow tf out at the thought of breeding you

- He loves the idea of asking if he can breed you, it’s something about the permission that gets him off. He absolutely wants that to be his “okay” to cum inside you.

- Is obsessed with the idea of “claiming” your insides and how he could “fill you up” with his cum

- favorite position is missionary, especially for breeding, he loves getting to look down at your expression when his warm load erupts into you.

- He’s not joking bruh Jack wants to get you pregnant, don’t take the statement lightly. (Even if he can’t he wants you to feel like he did.)

Joseph

- is just obsessed with being inside of you raw. He’s obsessed with the feeling of getting to slide into you, dude audibly relaxes every first stroke.

- He used to love cumming on your stomach, but now, he’d really rather be in it-

- “Fits like a glove, babycakes. You’re perfect f’me.”

- Dude is blissed the hell out during sex with you, and he just doesn’t want it to end, that includes pulling out. Why would he wanna cum anywhere else than where he felt so good?

- Hes the hardest he’s EVER been when you tell him to breed you, and he fills you to the brim multiple times that night.

- Sees it as an act of love and trust, that you’re willing to let him, and he feels so wanted and loved.

- Huuuge fan of cuddle-fucking. He wants you both to be comfortable and he likes grabbing all over you from behind.

Ian

- Ian wants you so so fucking bad. So damn bad, dude. He wants your outside, inside to hear your voice, touch you, he’s addicted to you.

- Ian’s love of breeding comes from his kink of kinda posessing you? Like if he fills you up with his cum then you’re his and he’s yours and god he loves you so much he wants to fill you up with it.

- He’s damn near drooling like an idiot when he gets to cum inside, with the dumbest grin plastered on his face.

- “How much do you think that was? Think I might’ve actually bred you? Fuck- what if….shit, i’m hard again, can I? Sorry. But can I?”

- Goes INSANE for the view of you on top of him, NEEDS you in his lap, especially if he gets to press his hand against where he’s fucking. 🥴

Bo

- Bo. Bless his heart. Is a horny motherfucker. Bo gets excited as fuck for sex already, but fucking you raw?? He’s savoring the hell outta this.

- Unfortunately i am a dogboy purist so i absolutely hc that Bo goes into the STUPIDEST of rut cycles where literally anything you do gets him bricked up.

- Smell nice? He wants to breed. Laugh nice? Gotta breed. Touch him somewhere. Breed now PLEASE.

-Poor guy is DRIPPING and BEGGING you to let him breed you.

- He is the “plap plap get pregnant get pregnant get pregnant” meme personified. He goes at it like he absolutely needs to unload in you, like he HAS to breed you or he’s not gonna come down from this horny high.

- Yall already know it’s doggy, quit playin 😪

(bonus Shaun)

- Shaun’s a bit of a bully with it at first, he wants you to want him to breed you. And he’s gonna make you say it.

- Let him know in advance and he’s gonna edge himself for a few days in advance.

- “Wanna save up plenty for ya’. Get nice and pent up.”

- Dude’s actively got a breeding/pregnancy kink anyway so he’s lost in the SAUCE when he gets to do it. He’s a yapper so all his thoughts are coming out then and there.

- Loves to watch his cum push back out of you afterwards, loves even MORE to use his fingers to wipe it up and push it back in.

- “Gotta make sure it takes, right?”

[einsatzzz]

Hello ❤️ I have some meta asks for your ocs

Kana: What controversies/drama would your character incite in fandom?

And (yes she gets two because I am biased and looking for crumbs)

What is the quote between your character and their love interest/whoever they might be shipped with that their fans would latch onto?

Kurumi: What would be the ‘incorrect but wildly popular’ interpretation of your character in fandom?

Yui: If your character had a breakout show/film/comic, what would the plot be? Who would be in their supporting cast?

- 🍎

Hello 🍎Anon 🫶✨👀 Thank you for sending this over and enabling me to yap more about my blorbos 🥰🥰🥰 I only know what to talk about when I draw them, but for pure text posts I often blank out on what to say, so I love asks! I will try my best to give you Kana crumbs too!

🍎Kana: What controversies/drama would your character incite in fandom?

If Kana were a canon character, Kana and controversies/drama are like blood brothers, like soulmates. They are a set package. It wasn't there at the start or perhaps there will be initial discourse about her gender. But fandom will find out eventually that they have bigger fish to fry. As more and more layers of her character gets revealed, the more fandom discourse there is. She is certainly not a character for people who view things in a black or white manner or those with low reading comprehension 😭🤣😭🤣 *looks at those gear grindingly loud mfs on twi//ter*

On the surface, she would prob be reduced to either a some kind of siscon (memes included) or straight-up a cruel/heartless character with ulterior motives ("maybe her love for Kurumi is just a facade? and she has ulterior motives?"). If you peel off the first few layers, you will see that she really does genuinely love Kurumi and her family, for better or for worse. If you peel off more layer, you will see an asshole. If you peel even more layers, you will see an even bigger asshole banned from hell.

Also do you know that one meme where they keep putting Oi\\kawa (from Hai\\kyuu, a VOLLEYBALL series) in a line up of actual villains/war criminals?

Kana would be there, except she kinda deserves to be there. People who don't get the joke would complain about why Oi//kawa keeps getting included in these fuckass lists that includes Kana and other messed up characters lmao (truthfully i didn't get it at first when i saw it and was lowkey pissed since im an oi//kawa oshi lmaooo now it's just funny every time i see it. still crazy to see him lined up with characters like d//io or aiz//en or gri//ffith like damn wwwwww)

Did you know? My favorite character from Monster is Joh//ann Lieb//ert hahahaha nothing important, just wanna say it haha,,,hahaha,,,,, pls ignore if you don't know Monster sdkjfsdhvfsd

🍎Kana: What is the quote between your character and their love interest/whoever they might be shipped with that their fans would latch onto?

The least spoilery thing I can come up with on the spot on is Hibari telling her "You're so stupid (affectionate & relieved)" after she does (and says) something objectively very stupid that could even give YuiRumi&family a heart attack & a stroke simultaneously.

Short, simple, effective. ME, personally, I will lose my mind and latch onto it even on my deathbed.

If you want something that could potentially come from a Kana POV, I do have a quote like this saved:

🎀Kurumi: What would be the ‘incorrect but wildly popular’ interpretation of your character in fandom?

For Kurumi, I think modern fandom would focus too much on her gender? There would be a divide in the fandom based on how they interpret the "Gender: ?" in her profile lmao We can see a lot of people insisting that she's non-binary. That's fine and all, everyone is free to interpret characters as they like (except if the creator has reiterated clear rules and boundaries for it). The problem is that we can also see people say that you can't refer to her as anything else but non-binary sjdgbhjsdfvhjsbfd

🤖Yui: If your character had a breakout show/film/comic, what would the plot be? Who would be in their supporting cast?

My understanding of this question is that it's asking for a Yui spin-off where he's the MC! It would be in a light novel format under the romantic comedy genre (with some sci-fi, perhaps? because he loves making robots hahaha inb4 it becomes a mecha story). The story's main couple would be him and Hiyori, because that's what Yui would've wanted. He is delusional and down bad.

In terms of shipping, we actually have three main ships we've committed to. It's just that I often end up posting about the two CanonxOC pairs more sjkdfjskdf but the third one is an OCxOC pair between Yui and Hiyori (YuiHiyo). Sowwwwyyy Yui! uwu Hiyorin is holding me at syringe-point and telling me to shut the fuck up about it.

[swallowtail-ageha]

Malenia for the ask meme!

Responding to this ask late because i have just come home fjvididksk but its here!!

Favourite thing about them i am so insane about the whole bodily autonomy rights surrounding her. You never had a choice in what you were born as you want to desperately run away from it but your body never belonged to you from day one and in the end you fall to your origins and hurt yourself badly. I also like the whole kindred of rot thing bcs its deeply sad like. They are both victims of it malenia who never wanted to host the rot and to whom the kindreds represent her falling to her worst impulses while the kindreds actively do something that malenia hates not out of malice but because they were born from that. *chefs kiss*

Least favorite thing about them uuuugh i feel like the promised consort battle of aeonia stuff has really cheapened her and the whole conflict and i think her whisper being "miquella awaits thee o promised consort" just sucks

Favorite line My flesh was dull gold...and my blood, rotted.Corpse after corpse, left in my wake...As I awaited... his return.

Its just so *froths at the mouth* it embodies perfectly her feelings about the scarlet rot and the shame that came from actually blooming for the sake of miquella and grappling with the fact that because of it she killed several hundreds of people and i am *aaaagh*

brOTP while i have started to headcanon their dynamic as being incestuous in the last few months, i think her and miquella's story also really works well as just a normal if tragic sibling relationship. I also see well a malenia and godwyn dynamic where well. Ok he wasnt the number one mother and father figure at once but i think he did rly care about her and in my headcanons he did a lot of legwork to include her in activities that she normally wouldn't be able to do by making them more accessible to her disability

OTP Malmiq lol. Its funny because i at first didn't even ship them, but dlc enabled me to ship it out of spite. I just. Really love the whole we are incestuous children of an incestous god angle of it and the fact that they influenced each other's lives and goals and personalities so much

Aside from that, finlenia. Like holy shit i am not normal about it. Imagine just being so loyal to/in love with your military leader you not only accept part of her curse but are also willing to drag her unconsious body for the whole continent in the middle of a civil war just to save her life. Fucking cinematic. Fucking beautiful

nOTP i dont even have anything against the ship per se because i find it really interesting dynamics wise but malenia/radahn has been ruined for me thanks to all the fucking violent rape porn revenge fanart of it

Random headcanon i think that she developed a very marked gallows humour. Like... since her childhood she expected to either die or turn fully into a vessel of rot so after a while she's like "oh well until i fix it i will just Joke About My Missing Limbs" which was very jarring to people who were personally meeting her for the first time

Unpopular opinion idk how unpopular it is but i think her devotion to miquella was. Unhealthy. I do think he loved her wholeheartedly (and didnt charm her opposed to what some people on some website say), and i don't even blame her for being so codependent with him (girl was neglected BADLY), tho

Song i associate with them least a song and more of an ost, but Divine Service from the Lies of P soundtrack! Its very melancholic and full of longing and nostalgy, which just

Favorite picture of them the one in the shaded castle! It is a pretty basic portrait, but the area building up to it is fantastic and elevates it in my mind

[x-authorship-x]

Hi🌻💕💕💕

🍌 In your opinion, what’s the funniest joke/reference/pun you’ve made in a fic?

🍐 Is there anything in canon that you absolutely hate and love to fix in fics? A wrong choice made, a fuck-up in characterization, a misunderstanding never cleared up, a conversation never shown onscreen, etc…

🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.

Hi Sisdiss 🥰

🍌 I don't know if I've really cracked joke-jokes, I usually prefer ludicrous scenarios in the body text and then A/N memes afterwards, but.... Favourite silly situation is Squad Two's night out drinking in No Tomorrow and favourite A/N joke is, in Until Dawn Breaks, when I cracked jokes about Ao and Shisui's dynamic (imagining Shisui fleeing Kiri with the Scooby Doo chase music over the top lmao) but it's a very close competition with everything Akira has ever said lol

(I forgot the oneshot Coffee Shop AU where Genma is very cringe when hitting on Shisui and Kakashi... This one probably wins for the joke lines)

🍐(the entire mess of Narutoverse canon and timelines?) well, I'm a repeat offender for saving Shisui's life but, more broadly, I love to actually break down a particular character's motivations, actions and abilities and think 'okay but how would these events REALLY play out now?' and then fuck around and find out 😂

🍈 OKAY toot toot Shisui-centric alert! Blorbo rant incoming~

Shisui is just.... Amazing. If you have a short list of the shared characteristics of Amazing Characters, someone being genuinely loyal, having integrity, and keeping hope is just.... Yes. Double points for being a sweetheart with horrible trauma and angsty obligations to both system and clan!

Shisui has, frankly, the worst Mangekyou ability because it's also the strongest and the scariest (at least with Itachi you know you're being tortured, Kotoamatsukami has very scary ramifications for reality and free will). Don't come for me with a list of the others (Shisui never actually uses Kotoamatsukami in canon and yet he's at THAT level with his genjutsu and speed? Kamui, Izanagi, etc etc, are OP and versatile but Kotoamatsukami is literally unstoppable and unbreakable and untraceable and if Kishi didn't make that stupid, nonsense rule about 'ten years' and didn't kill off Shisui when he realised just how insanely OP he'd made Kotoamatsukami, then Shisui would literally be the top Uchiha EVER) because I can whip out a thesis defence of how terrifying Kotoamatsukami is (ten years after one use is BULLSHIT and we're ignoring it) and how I literally would never trust any other character than Shisui with that ability (including Itachi, because he's proven an alarming propensity for following orders without thinking ANYTHING through - why the fuck are you trusting Danzo, who stole Shisui's eye and made him jump???? UMMM).

Uchiha are known for their eyes, if an Uchiha is powerful it's because of their eyes. Look at Itachi, his torturing genjutsu is like the Boogeyman of Narutoverse for so long, Madara and Izuna's eye angst defines them, they all play tug of war over Rinnegan and Eternal Mangekyou, Sasuke uses ninjutsu and kenjutsu only to whip his eyes out and cut the fight off at the knees, Obito literally uses Kamui as often as possible, even Kakashi is known for his borrowed Sharingan rather than Hatake or personal abilities.

...but not Shisui.

Oh, Shisui has a genuinely ridiculously powerful Sharingan but he NEVER uses THE technique. He uses regular genjutsu to scare the shit out of everyone, even sending Ao and Kiri Hunter-nin fleeing without even physically engaging with him; just the sight of Shisui watching them and a touch of his chakra is enough for Ao (THE Hunter-nin's top dog from THE Bloody Mist) to break a sweat and abandoned the mission.

Shisui is known for the Shunshin, something so basic and easy that every Genin and ninken can do it. Its like meeting someone so good at skipping rope that they can do gymnastics feats and then strangle their enemies without breaking rhythm. That takes not just natural talent but an insane level of dedication and practice. Other Shinobi use the Shunshin casually but for Shisui to be so good that THAT is his namesake and not his genjutsu... Can we just think about that for a second?

Also the fact that Shisui is prodigious enough (not even getting into my AU timeline of graduation and family relations etc) to be a role model and tutor for Itachi and, by general fandom consensus, died when he was 14-16. That means Shisui was ANBU possibly before he was 14, since he was a team leader and arguably then a Captain. This means Shisui must've been even younger when he reached Jounin, younger again when he was Chuunin, graduated possibly as early as Kakashi and Itachi did... And it's just never talked about??? Canon and fanon are OBSESSED with complicated OP characters; to draw the comparison again, Kakashi is known for his borrowed Sharingan and his Thousand Jutsu whilst Itachi is the Genius of the Uchiha with nightmare flame eyes and the ability to slaughter his entire Clan without interruption or injury (numbers possibly between several hundred and several thousand).... But Shisui is faster than Itachi and Kakashi, he's just as smart, he's more sociable and hopeful than either of them- and it genuinely flabbergasts me that he's not more hyped for it. Shisui was killed off by Kishi because he knew he Done Fucked Up with making such an amazing character and inserting him into pre-canon drama without accounting for how insane his influence and legacy would've been.

Shisui is so slept on it HURTS

Quickly scrolling back up to the ask because I've forgotten what the original question was my own headcanons for Shisui

- graduated at 6 (Kakashi is at 4, Itachi at 5) and activated his Sharingan when his parents died shortly afterwards

- Mangekyou at 8 when he was fast enough to save himself but not his Genin team

- Inoichi takes Shisui on as an apprentice. Inoichi doesn't have time for a genin team but there's an eight year old with the most psychologically and ethically fucked up Dojutsu shivering in a hospital bed and Konoha cannot afford for him to go rogue or burn out before they can benefit from him. Cue fatherhood.

- Shisui has extremely good chakra control. His genjutsu, not even Kotoamatsukami, is so powerful and yet finely woven than even Ao's stolen Byakugan couldn't see it coming OR face it directly. Shunshin seems to be using chakra to augment movement and increase speed (furiously side eyes Tsunade's strength) so Shisui's ability to be so fucking fast (he's the fastest ever Shinobi to me, Tobirama and Minato don't count because they 'jump' with seals whereas Shisui is Actually Running) that doesn't rip his limbs off or fuck him up internally must mean that his chakra use is just... Perfect. Watch me want to write a Healer!Shisui fic omfg

- he's Kagami's grandson, Mikoto's nephew

- summoning chakra has life altering effects on human chakra (Inuzuka ninken across generations as exhibit A) so Shisui and Itachi have some very subtle (and more obvious) bird instincts (including that amazing ability to retrace their steps without checking the stars, maps, a compass, or knowing the exact directions)

- Kagami was ambassador to Uzushio. I love this one because it lays a great foundation for Mikoto and Kushina's friendship and it also adds depth to Shisui's Feelings about Konoha and loyalty

- Shisui is in an ANBU Squad (usually Squad Two) with Kakashi, Genma, Raidou, and Tenzo... Why? Because I love them, your Honour. Also it's a great range of abilities, personalities and they all have different reasons to be feral loyal to each other and Konoha

- Shisui is amazing with kids. He is simultaneously the meme of carrying the kid by their leg (Sasuke) and cuddling them in a blanket (Itachi). Look at how amazing he was with Shy Baby Itachi? Shisui is the very very sensitive and gentle and warming ambivert friend who adopts every single introvert he meets (Tenzo, Itachi, Kakashi) and is in turn adopted by extroverts (Genma, Ino, Gai)

- his ANBU alias is Monkey. I picked this animal because I didn't want anything too obscure or obvious (Crow, Raven, Cat, etc) and then I liked the idea that he can wiggle out of everything, it's a little bit wise and a little bit humourous and a little bit Uncanny Valley. Now, I can't not make Shisui into ANBU Monkey 😅

- He's too good for this world. Wait that's not a headcanon that's just fact 🤭

Thanks for playing, this was really fun!!

[bxrningembers]

Sir Pentious Headcanons moved from my main blog.

Food questions for the Muse(s) 🍝 - Can you cook? If yes, when and how did you learn to cook? 💊 - Any food allergies? 🍛 - What’s your favourite kind of restaurant? Italian, Chinese, Greek, etc.?

🍝: No. Put it this way, Fizzaroli jokes about burning the milk, He’s actually done it. How this man managed to feed himself with out someone’s help is a mystery. This oddly does not apply to brewing tea and drinks.

💊: None.

🍛: Japanese or Spanish. Sorta a tie between the two.

🍑 - Favorite fruit, 🎵- Favorite song, 💤 - Do they like sleeping in or waking up early?

🍑: Apples.

🎵: Pretty much anything by Schubert. (And yes, he does know how to play).

💤: Like all snakes, Pentious enjoys his beauty sleep.

All the Little Things Meme

💐 - Favorite type of flower

🔎 - Random detail about them

👶 - As a kid, what were they like?

🍙 - Favorite snack

💀 - What are they afraid of?

💐: Jasmine vines, though he likes roses too.

🔎: Sir Pentious has multiple eyes on his body, including on his top hat. These eyes will always show his true feelings.

👶: As a child, Elaphe was a bit of a snobbish brat, being raised in a rich home. He didn’t have a lot of friends but desperately wanted them. He was the sort of kid that was secretly very sensitive but was a brat because he didn’t have any real friends, and his parents didn’t have time for him. So he tended to act out as a result.

🍙: Deviled Eggs. His love for eatting eggs didn’t start in Hell ether.

💀: Being alone. He made the Egg bois sentient for this reason.

Sexual headcanons & questions

4. what are some features of others that arouse them, or they find arousing in a sexual situation?

5. what are their most common turn-ons? 6. what are some more situational or contextual turn-ons? 10. do they indulge in masturbation or personal fantasies?

4. He’s a bit odd in that he doesn’t find a well-endowed female figure as appealing as someone with more modest curves. In men, he likes a man who is taller than him and more lanky in frame. Though being victorian, he is more discreet about his male attractions. He is an old romantic, so arousing situations are romantic scenes like fancy balls and strolls through his flower garden.

5. The touches to the base of his tail. Factually, this is where a snake’s peen is located hidden under a special scale. This is not the case for Pentious, but this area has the same level of sensitivity and arousal capability. I also mentioned that his head fin-hair is sensitivity, too. In a more mental sense, he is turned on by good manners, etiquette, and people with a strong will that don’t let hell or it’s environment change who they are. Propping him up and stroke his ego also turns him on.

6. Saving or helping him with no personal gain that he can see. Letting him dominate when you are the stronger/more powerful of the two.

10. Yes, to both. He isn’t above visiting a brothel or one of Valentinos’ many establishments to indulge in sexual pleasure if he really needs it. Usually, he will rub one out on his own, though.

14. how open are they, or how do they feel about sexual experimentation? elaborate if needed. 15. what is something they consider a kink of their own? 

14. He is unused to it but unopposed to it. As a victorian era man, such permisuity and non-monogamy couplings were demonized. The fact that he IS a demon palpable to the idea and would be willing to try it with people he trusts.

15. Ovation. The man secretly wants a family, and it has developed into an egg kink. >,> Don’t judge him.

Bedtime meme

🌅 - Have they ever pulled an all-nighter? If so, what do they do to stay awake?

Sir Pentious

This is fairly frequent due to him either educating himself on technology or designing and building mechs and weapons. Pentious isn’t a big coffee person and will opt for strong black teas when he works into the night.

What non-sexual act of foreplay most turns them on?

His headfins (hair) are very delicate and sensitive to touch, so strokes to it feel very nice. You’re likely to get a delighted shiver out of him if you touch them.

💭 + food habits

Sir Pentious is very proper at the dinner table. No elbows on the table, takes his time to eat properly, that sort of thing. Basically manners at a big deal, and he takes them seriously. The only exception is with eggs. Something about his serpentine nature kicks in and overpowers his more logical side, and he will consume them in a more primal manner.

Sir Pentious, hc + Routine

As a Victorian era demon, Sir Pentious has a lot of habits that he has retained from that era. His morning routine is a fairly early morning where he grooms and dresses himself for the day, making sure his looks prime, proper, and presentable before even leaving his room. This is followed by a light breakfast with tea, usually a black tea with rose petals but rarely any sugar or milk in his dining room. He usually reads up on the usual news and gossip while having breakfast. Afterward, he tends to his dental hygiene and checking for early signs of mouth rot (a common issue that snakes encounter) and gets started with anything else he has planned for the day from there. His morning routine is pretty normal but also methodical. He always does things in this order each morning.

[sho-minamimoto]

6 20 23 Sho

1 7 8 23 Shiba!

Sho

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

Hmm.... hard to say since Sho is just. completely batshit. I guess the easiest and most obvious answer would be that we're both artists and like to find beauty in aesthetically strange things. But I dont think i have a single thing in common with him personality wise LOL

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

I think susukichi and sho have extremely similar temperaments + quirks and if they weren't on opposite sides of The Conflict they'd get along great. I said once before that Susukichi would be the Sho Minamimoto of NEO if sho literally wasn't also already in the game. Their vibes are super similar and they both want to have a fun time.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

This one marketing image from when the anime was airing is the funniest thing in the world to me. like. why the fuck is sho even here. he is in no way buddies with anyone in the hachiko gang (during this specific timeframe anyways) there is literally NO logical reason for him to be posed alongside this specific group of characters here. This image from sho's pov is just him + guy hes actively trying to kill + guy he's stalking only bc he's joined at the hip with the guy he's trying to kill + guy he met twice and beat the shit out of one of those times + 2 people he's never met or interacted with before ever. On a marketing level its clear they just wanted to include him with the main characters simply bc hes a super popular character among fans but it's makes for the most unintentionally hilarious image ever.

Shiba

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

First. he's extremely funny and dresses like a harlot. Second THE LAYERSSSS Shiba's primary motivation is like a puzzle that the narrative gives you all the pieces to and then invites you to solve. Not in that the game doesn't tell you what it is At All, it says as much that he's on a powertrip towards ascension, but it's difficult to wrap your head around Why until you deliberately examine and unravel each of his relationships with the other shinjuku reapers: how they affected him, what their side of the story is, why they're emotionally estranged but still sticking together, etc. I enjoy that you have to take the time to put it together yourself, but also the full picture you get once that puzzle is complete is one that i enjoy immensely. The fact that the core of shiba's plight is rooted in his relationships (or lack thereof) is very true to the spirit of twewy and I greatly appreciate that they applied all this to the game's main villain AND gave him a chance for redemption on top of it. His final scene is one of my favourites in the game and really sticks with me.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

The memes. Shiba's so easy to meme on its great. I have a folder of shiba memes on my desktop whenever i see a new shitpost or edit i Have to save it. im glad he gets clowned on so hard. Shi Basuks Cok lives in my head rent free. I wish shiba's va did small comms like I've seen other voice actors do sometimes bc i would pay him money to hear him voice act that post as Shiba for real. But i can dream

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I know i like Just finished talking abt how much i love the shiba memes but i also dislike how Majority of what i see of shiba is Just the memes and jokes. I wouldn't go as far as say i despise them at all (or i wouldn't have a folder of shiba memes) but I think its disappointing that i hardly see anyone actually take him seriously as a character or give him any consideration for analysis. Or not as much as I'd like to see, anyways (when i do see it it fucks hard though.) I also get the impression sometimes that some people take delight in the memes + clowning on shiba specifically bc they think he's just Not well written or interesting which bums me out a little.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

this clown shiba edit i made a yearish ago. i hold it close to my heart.

[wondrouswendy]

Top 10(ish) Friendship Moments with Zath

So today is the 10 year anniversary of me knowing @rangerzath (formally ijaat on Tumblr).

This is a compilation of my favorite moments/experiences shared with Zath over the years. Some of these moments are funny. Some involve mistakes on my behalf, but Zath had my back. What do all of these moments share? They're heart-warming reminders that sometimes you can meet people online and form a friendship with them that survives the test of space, distance, timezones, ups and downs, and grief.

It's hard to believe 10 years have passed since we've known each other, but here's to 10 more years of more laughs, more jokes, and more joy. Thanks for being a great friend!

1 - Zathran's People Needed Him (SWTOR)

This is one of those memories that we often refer to amongst ourselves. The comedic timing between our comments is great.

1.25 - Gaerwen Aurell and Zathran Ijaat (SWTOR)

This was the friendship dynamic duo that started it all. Countless AUs spawned from these two, countless stories, and eventually, we both took the dive and merged our SWTOR legacies/families together into one universe.

1.5 - Zath Finally Gets Nightmare Brontes Wings (SWTOR)

Zath was one of the last people in the guild to earn the NIM Brontes wings lmao -- but when they did, it was great!

1.75 - Barsen'thor Buddies (SWTOR)

Barsen'thor Buddies was created as a guild for Zath and I originally. We were just a two person team until we decided to recruit people raid and pvp with us. We recruited people from the server and from tumblr in the olden days. We used to raid regularly and achieved many raid oriented goals. Some highlights include discussing whether this scene from National Treasure could be considered iconic to talking about OCs to labeling bad pugs as the proverbial "Steve."

2 - Almost Instant Regret (Overwatch)

Throughout our Overwatch 1 career, Zath often played Zarya would use the Graviton Ultimate to set up team wipes for me while I was playing Hanzo. I got really cocky in this game, but Zath had my back when someone tried to spoil my play of the game...

3 - Zath Becomes Superman (Overwatch)

The Iron Giant has nothing on this.

4 - Zath Panics When I Scream (PUBG)

Notoriously, in my early days of playing battle royale games like PUBG and Apex, I would get jumpscared easily by enemy players. I tend to scream/panic first, shoot second, give Zath information third. Not really helpful for your teammates! But this has become kind of a meme between us even though I no longer get jumpscared (as often).

5 - Check Your Corn-- (PUBG)

Zath doesn't get jumpscared often, but when they do... Well, make sure you're prepared with backup clothes. Sound warning on this one.

6 - Hacksaw Ridge (Apex Legends)

In this epic, thrilling match from the early days of Apex, Zath played Lifeline and learned the hard way what it takes to be a field medic in a battle royale game. I love this memory because it features some of Zath's funniest one liners, Zath saving the day countless times over. It also features a good old instance of me getting jumpscared.

7 - That Was a Mozambiqueeeeeeee (Apex Legends)

It's not often that Zath breaks the sound barrier with their voice, but lo and behold... sound warning on this one :P

8 - Thaeus and Ziael (World of Warcraft)

I think of our WoW OCs, Thaeus and Ziael have had the most development and story-based growth. A druid and a deathknight, who would have thought that they could fall in love? They are one of my favorite pairings because of their personalities and their dynamics. Zath has created a death knight character who subverts many of the typical tropes we see with these kinds of characters. Thaeus is kind, warm (in spite of being a *frost* death knight), and loving towards Ziael and his family. He is Zath's favorite of their large swath of OCs and played characters. It goes without saying that Zath is an excellent death knight and it's been a pleasure to see how Thaeus has grown in both retail as Zath's perpetual tinkered character and now in Classic as one of the guild's highest parsers.

9 - Rated Battlegrounds with Zath Leading (World of Warcraft, Retail)

Zath always was a champ leading our RBG team. This is my favorite game recorded from that era. This game has a little bit of it all. People ribbing Zath playfully. Zath and I bantering over Frost Mage being good, for once! Ultimately, this game was a win where everyone had fun.

10 - Zath Podfics (Control 2019)

Zath has started reading some of my fics out loud. Honestly, this has been one of the greatest gifts they have ever given me. Hearing my stories outloud has helped me overcome some of my own imposter syndrome as a writer. When I hear Zath reading my stories, it shows me that I am a good writer. I hear the cadence, the intended tone of dialogue, the humor within humorous scenes. Normally I'm so detached from what I'm writing because I'm so immersed in it already. Having an outside perspective bringing the scenes to life has been a tremendous gift, one that I know has been produced with love, passion, and care.

[problematiccheeto]

Shit well no one really asked but this is enough notes for me so...

HOUSE MD 2024 HEADCANNONS LETS GO BABYYYY!

HC below the cut :)

House has Autism, and is partial to oral stims, like biting things, chewing on things etc. He says he REALLY hates Candy Canes and calls them offensive but he LITTERALY has a jar of them on his desk, as he uses them to stim.

Cuddy is partial to Broadway musicals. Her favorites are Wicked and Heather's, and her ringtone for house is "I love my dead gay son" BC OFC.

House plays animal crossing to abuse the villagers, and he has one that represents each of the ducklings. If one upsets him they'll walk into his office and find him passive aggressively abusing their assigned fursona with a net.

Someone introduced Wilson to stardew valley, (probably 13) and he makes saves just so he can romance Penny again BC of his Savior complex, and he has tons of mods to expand her caricter. Once he tried to romance Harvey as a "joke" but then learned too much about himself and deleted the save.

House has a tumblr hate page for everyone he knows including himself.

Cameron is the queen of online activism. She has a whole twitter account just to retweet trans/gay/black lives matter stuff.

Cuddy has read online fanfic at least once

Taub is desperately trying to learn gen z slang and it's so sad to watch for everyone involved

Foreman listens to alpha male podcasts /neg

A popular headcannon, but I love ASMR obsessed Taub

Chase and Cameron watch Bluey religiously, and have tried to get House to watch it with them. He rejected them and called them slurs probably before he went home and watched all of the episodes while eating a carton of icecream and sobbing.

Someone else came up with this but House abusing the shit out of an Alexa makes me laugh so hard. He also probably makes jokes about it's voice being hot.

Cameron is on booktok.

Chase is FtM (IN MY OPPINION-)

Hilson have kissed at least once.

Wilson has cat posters in his office

House listens to Niki Minaj, Doja Cat, etc.

Wilson is a swifie/pos

Cameron is a swifie/neg

They go to concerts together and then talk about how House is hot the whole ride home

House has a pet cat that he would kill for. Her name is Viki. She is a black cat and she is a rescue.

House carries around an uno reverse card

Everyone at Princeton is in a WhatsApp group chat. House sends offensive memes there on a daily basis.

Internalized homophoia Foreman

Kutner has all of Hamilton memorized

If I think of more I will make a part two but that is all for now.

If one single person asks by the time my class is over in 45 minutes I will spend my lunch period writing out my House MD 2024 headcannons

(idk where I found this gif it was in my photos)

[logicalbookthief]

Christmas Movies Ranked by How Anti-Capitalist They Are

It’s a Wonderful Life

Movies that make you want to pick a fight with the 1% and also weep with joy. Absolutely a classic and anti-capitalist at its very core. Will convince you we need to start oppressing landlords again.

“Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you're talking about... they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn't think so. People were human beings to him. But to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they're cattle.”

SAY THAT!!! George Bailey said fuck landlords, all my homies hate landlords, they have NO rights. Local man believes poor people are human, dedicates his life to helping them, and in his time of the need literally the whole town comes together to support him and his family. Class solidarity ftw!

“Remember no man is a failure who has friends.” Bitch I CRY EVERY GODDAMN TIME. 

10/10

Home Alone

Soundtrack goes hard, the wacky hijinks even harder. 

Loses points because the bandits had a prime opportunity to seize and redistribute some of the wealth from this ritzy Chicago neighborhood and instead they focus their energy on trying to kill an 8-year-old who outsmarts them at every turn.

2/10

Elf

A family favorite in our house. Touches on the overworking and mistreatment of employees through Greenway Press – Walter forced to choose between being with his family on Christmas Eve or losing his job, it’s implied Deb has a pet grooming business on the side to makes ends meet despite being a receptionist at a NY publishing company, etc.

Honestly most of the points come from Jonie’s underrated yet highly relatable storyline. She works in retail, exhausted and cynical towards the high-paced Christmas season which gives her little to no relief or reward, since she’s surviving on ramen noodles and using the employee showers because her water was cut off. Not expanded on enough to be considered a true Marxist piece but the effort is appreciated.

5/10

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Although the meme is correct in that Rudolph’s red nose becomes desirable only once it proves to be useful, it does get points for exposing the harmful nature of forced conformity and those alienated by these capitalist ideals -- Rudolph, Hermie, the island of misfit toys -- are given a place to belong despite the perceived “flaws” that before made them undesirable.

Also the elves definitely have a free dental-plan now thanks to Hermie and are hopefully on their way to unionizing. Fucking superb you funky little misfit.

6/10

Klaus (2019)

Turns a member of the bourgeoisie into a man I’d trust to carry my mail. Respect for postal workers this movie contains was ahead of its time.

 No direct takedown of the establishment but a heartwarming message -- “A true selfless act always sparks another” bITCH I may be crying -- that emphasizes the importance of giving to others even when there is no selfish motivation to do so, which is inherently anti-capitalist.  

8/10

The Santa Clause

Scott Calvin starts as a toy executive who takes part in the commercialization of Christmas. He was probably a business major so automatically loses points.

The Santa dynasty itself seems to operate under the cutthroat rules of the business world where you must overthrow (or in this case, throw him off the roof) the former CEO in order to seize power. 

Elves have not unionized or seized the means of production by the end.

0/10

A Christmas Carol 

THE ORIGINAL. Charles Dickens was not even in the neighborhood of fucking around with this one. CREATED the anti-capitalist Christmas genre!!

Rich man treats his employees like shit and gets terrorized by three ghosts on Christmas Eve. Force him to redistribute his wealth by dragging him through a montage of his most epic fails -- oh, hey, remember when your fiancé left you? -- and make him listen as all his employees and relatives complain about his stingy ass. 

They end this slideshow by throwing this dude into his own grave. DIRECT ACTION. 

Like damn, the ghosts really said, “If you hoard your resources and ignore those in need when you could directly improve/save lives with no cost to yourself, you will die ALONE and you WILL pay for your crimes in hell.” Literally watching this movie is a catharsis for anyone who is or has been poor and working class. 

I’m including all versions of this movie but a special shout out to the Muppet version because it fucks the hardest. 

100/10

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Listen I’m not even in realms of joking with this one. This movie is THE anti-capitalist film of the holiday season. 

WhoVille commercializing Christmas and a fixation on consumer culture to the point where anything and anyONE who cannot be commodified -- aka the GRINCH -- is alienated? The Whos rediscovering that people should be cherished over material items once it all is stolen and they must confront how empty the holiday has become??

Cindy Lou becoming disillusioned in Christmas -- at an age that coincides when many children (those who celebrate Christmas at least) lost belief in Santa and had to wrestle with what the holiday means with the magic gone and they’re more aware of the rampant consumerism that taints the season?? Her resolve to find a meaning that goes beyond material consumption because if a holiday founded on goodwill doesn’t extend that goodwill to everyone, even those society deems undesirable, then what’s the point???

The Grinch despising Christmas because he is unable to participate and isolated from the Whos and also the better qualities within himself? His alienation serving to demonize him further as it allows the public to narrow his valid criticisms of the holiday down to him being different and thus inherently predisposed to evil?? And hmm isn’t it interesting that a LOT of this demonization comes via Mayor Augustus “generously paid for by the tax-payers of Whoville” Maywho, Mr. 1% himself.

The upper vs working class divide evident in the light show competition between Martha May and Betty Lou Who?? The opening scene of the shopping frenzy that mirrors our own consumerist culture and overworking of retail/poster workers??? This entire monologue:

“That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always been about. Gifts, gifts... gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your garbage. I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump. And the avarice... the avarice never ends! ‘I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue.’" 

MARXIST KING. MENTION IT ALL.

1000/10

[silentstep]

chengqing for the ask game?

Ship It, ship it, shiiiiiip iiiiiiiit, my otp

What made you ship it?

a nebulous sort of question! Who know what alchemy makes these things happen? But: Jiang Cheng is very very much my character type, and in a lot of ways Wen Qing is too, although we spend less narrative space with her; they're both incredibly lonely people in their positions and circumstances, who want to have partners on whom they can rely and trust, and they would like to be that person for their own partner, and they very much want each other, and they would be so good as partners, and they both! have! nobody, basically! who can really fill that position in their lives, or who would be so well suited, AND YET THEY ARE SO TRAGICALLY DENIED—

What are your favorite things about the ship?

they're both loud, strong-willed, stubborn people, who live beneath seventeen layers of hard bitter self-protective shell, and yet beneath them they are just. actually sweet. and they're so devoted, so devoted, they'll walk themselves to their deaths in contentment for the people they love and never even say a word about it, they're so fucking dutiful. I'm so so so weak to dutiful characters. CHARACTERS TORN BETWEEN LOVE AND DUTY, is there anything better, THERE IS NOT.

but my actual favorite thing is just how good a match they are for each other! they are 110% on the same page about pretty much everything, in that they agree with each other about what the right decision is in every situation. are My People in danger? Move heaven and earth to save them, up to and including sacrificing innocent outsiders. They don't want to do that— they both have perfectly functional moral compasses, they don't want to hurt innocents— but they'll do it for Their People's sake, when push comes to shove. If only they could yoke together, imagine how well they'd sort!

and you know what else? I like that they both know it. There are so many relationships where the central tragedy is that neither ever really knew how much they meant to the other until it was too late, like Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian. Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen have a touch of that, too, and so do Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian. But Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing actually don't have any of that. Jiang Cheng, when he first meets her, has no idea of the extent of the malice and destruction that Wen Ruohan means to bring to bear on the cultivation world and his clan in particular, and she at that point already knows that it's going to be her people or his, and that she's choosing hers, and that she is consciously already betraying every good faith effort he's making to reach out— when he sees her in their cabin and goes "Wen-guniang!! Why are you here? :) :) :D" and she can't even respond because the real answer is "to help my uncle bring fire and death to this sanctuary of peace and learning, for the sake of the lives of my family and clan" and it breaks my heart— but like. that's the last time they don't understand each others' situations. They know that they want each other, and they know that it doesn't matter, because they can't have each other. </3

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

hahahahahahahha!! yes. it's: she's not domming him. He's not ~submissive and breedable~ and she doesn't peg him about it. So sorry, you're just going to have to get over the fact that it's ew icky het without any femdom to make it better. They're actually completely equal partners! or, if anything— no, listen, this mostly isn't even out of spite, but like— I mean, I look at Wen Qing, who has been gritting her teeth under all her burdens that she's refused to let anyone share for so long, and like…

WQ:  what if I 😳 let go of control for a hot minute 😳 and it resulted in nice things happening to me and not things like, say, my entire family dying

Canon:  no  :)

& I'm just so so so annoyed by all the jokes and memes that are just "lol Jiang Cheng wants Wen Qing but she doesn't want him back I mean can you imagine haha! imagine a female character wanting a male character; imagine a female character having vulnerabilities instead of being Strong™… she must always stay in perfect control at all times and none of the feelings can be on her side or else she's not Strong" and no!!  her strength and tragedy are that she DOES want him and she knows she can't have him and she holds herself back because of it!  it's that she doesn't ever get to focus on just the things she wants for herself because she always has to be in full-on survival mode!  it's horribly sad!  it's not a good thing!  it's a sad thing!  give Wen Qing someone she can trust to handle things sometimes!!  she's so alone in shouldering everything all the time; it hurts my heart.  During their time in the Burial Mounds she & WWX are absolutely bros & it's great, but in a lot of ways he's also someone she's got to manage.  Jiang Cheng's number 1 good characteristic is that he shows up and pulls his weight every single day no matter how boring and unglamorous.  and I just want that for her, let her be attracted to his strength, come on, come on

also on his side, my g-d, let Jiang Cheng get to feel actually valued for his strengths for once in his life???? let his reliability and dedication and work ethic be valued by an important person in his life! His entire family made him and his mother feel like the bad guys for not being ~fun~ when there was important work to be done, and for him I want someone who'll consider that a good thing instead. And she would.

and I do think, honestly, that they would both find a relationship in which neither of them has to always be the Caretaker or the Nag to be a huge relief and a safe harbor.

[arcanadreams]

That time you and your demon boyfriend went viral

hi yes hello obey me fandom!! my name is Gabbi and i have never played a single second of the actual game but i have read enough fanon content for the past year to have this idea swimming around in my head and now i am finally letting this accursed thing out of my brain and putting it in yours

also i’m only doing the brothers because any more than that and i’d have an aneurysm probably. oh and shoutout to @obeythebutler and @beels-burger-babe for inspiring me with their works to feel brave enough to write for this fandom

Lucifer:

You and Lucifer go viral on Asmo’s Devilgram story!

You’re in the kitchen helping Asmo with dinner duty and singing along to one of your playlists of human realm music that you like to show him.

Asmo starts filming your cute little dance while you stir the pot on the stove because you are just adorable!

About ten seconds into him filming, Lucifer appears in the doorway with quite the stern look on his face. You know, the one that comes right before a “MAMMOOOOOON” and strikes fear into the heart of all those with functioning eardrums. That one.

He opens his mouth, presumably to tell y’all to shut the fuck up, but then there’s a lull in the music and the eldest can hear your voice ever so slightly above the song’s vocalist and he freezes.

Man stops in his tracks like someone just smacked him in the face with a midair volleyball.

Asmo can be heard stifling a laugh behind his phone.

Lucifer’s face gets so soft and he almost, almost, loosens his metal-rod-through-the-ass posture before you notice him and give a little wave and ask if you and Asmo were being too loud like the considerate darling you are.

Lucifer clears and his throat and says something like, “No, you aren’t. I was just coming to check on how dinner is coming along,” and leaves, after which Asmo immediately presses the post button.

Screenshots of Lucifer’s heart eyes for you go absolutely viral because every demon on Devilgram goes absolutely feral for seeing the eldest demon brother lose his dignified composure. It becomes a meme template. “Get you someone who looks at you like Lucifer looks at MC” and “me at the delivery demon when he shows up with my spicy bat wings” posts become commonplace. (Asmo thinks the memes are totally worth getting strung up with Mammon for laughing at them.)

Mammon:

Much like Lucifer, you and Mammon end up going viral off Asmo’s Devilgram. (Noticing a pattern here?) 

He pulls a silly prank on your asses and honestly I don’t know how you fell for it. But hey, they say “idiots in love” for a reason, so...

You and Asmo are sitting in the common room of the House of Lamentation just chillin. Well, he’s chillin, you’re on the floor studying for an upcoming exam.

The video starts in the middle of a conversation you and the avatar of lust were having.

“No, Asmo,” you say. “Mammon and I don’t use pet names for each other.” Now that’s just a darn lie, and every demon and crow within ten miles of Mammon and you together knows it.

“Really? I find that very hard to believe, MC.~” 

You sigh in response to Asmo’s teasing. “Okay, he has a lot for me but I’m just not much of a pet name person, y’know?” The rest of the exchange goes like this:

“Oh, I totally get it.” *pause* “Hey MC, what do human world bees make again?”

“Honey.”

Cue a sheepish Mammon sticking his head in the doorway at the bluntness of your tone when you answered Asmo.

“Yeah, babe?” he looks like a puppy left on the side of a highway oh my god hUG HIM-

Asmo turns the camera back to his smug ass face and in the background you can be heard tripping on the damn carpet trying to get up and hug your mans. (”MAMMON GET OVER HERE SO I CAN HUG YOU” “W-WHAT? I THOUGHT YA WERE MAD AT ME?!?!?!?!”)

Leviathan:

Streamer Levi? Streamer Levi.

You guys go viral the first time you make an appearance on one of Levi’s weekly (insert cool Devildom streaming service name here) streams. 

It’s completely unintentional. You had been asking him for weeks to play with him on there, but he’s the avatar of envy after all. He doesn’t like sharing his partner, even if it’s with random strangers who have no real access to you.

However, he has his stream on a Thursday instead of a Friday one week, and you come into his room carrying dinner because 1) You didn’t realize he was streaming and 2) No matter what he was doing, the boy needed to eat. It wasn’t unusual for you to bring him dinner, so you had no idea why he was blushing and stammering even more than usual this time in particular. Boy was speaking in beached whale trying to tell you what was wrong.

Then you notice his screen. Oh! “Hi chat!” You wave, setting Levi’s food down on his desk in front of his keyboard. “M-MC!” He full-on whines, slamming a hand over his mouth afterwards when he remembers his viewers could hear that.

Honestly, they’d meme the fuck out of him if it weren’t for the fact that they are FINALLY SEEING HIS HENRY!!! THE MYSTERIOUS MC!!!

Chat is bombarding you with questions while you make Levi eat dinner. And by make him eat dinner, I mean literally feeding this man forkfuls/spoonfuls while he games because you love how flustered he gets when you do that. 

Does it impact his score? Absolutely. Does he care? Not really when you’re pampering him like that.

You start answering chat’s questions about you while he’s chewing so he can’t tell you to stop LMAO-

You’re a natural on stream. The VOD becomes the most popular on Levi’s account in a matter of hours and soon cute highlights compilations of you and him on that stream start making the rounds on Devildom Twitter.

Satan:

There was buildup to Satan going viral, similar to Levi in a way. 

Satan does have a Devilgram, but it’s basically a white woman’s Instagram with added book reviews for variety. Unless you’re a reader his account is pretty boring: candles, books, fireplaces, and cats.

However, after you two started reading together fairly often he began posting pictures of your legs draped over his while you sat together. They’d always be captioned with vague ass pretentious literary criticism. 

This goes on for months, and he gains a lot of (horny) followers after the leg pics start up. He doesn’t really get why but you both joke that it’s because you have some damn nice legs and I mean neither of you are complaining about the new following.

You two go viral when he finally shows your face, entirely by accident.

The post is a video, which is already strange for him and grabs attention. In it, you’re scoffing and reading an excerpt of a book, mocking its understanding of female anatomy.

“I’m quoting here, Satan: ‘her breasts bouncing around like giant pacmen.’ I’M SORRY?? THAT ISN’T HOW BOOBS WORK SIR. WHY ARE MEN ALLOWED TO WRITE?” 

(fun fact that is a very real quote from a very real book I really read last month pls save me)

Originally the camera is focused on your body, with your head out of frame to protect your privacy, but your righteous anger made Satan laugh. Like, a real laugh. The one that makes you and everyone in earshot wonder if he truly was never an angel cause he sure as hell laughs like one but anyway-

When he threw his head back, his DDD angled up just a tad without him noticing, and your face was in view for like .2 seconds. Screenshots of it are making the rounds on Devilgram almost immediately: FINALLY THE LEGS’ OWNER HAS BEEN FOUND.

Satan apologizes profusely but you honestly find it funny and you two opt to just start taking selfies while reading with both of your faces in them from now on. 

Asmodeus:

I’m gonna be real with you: you and Asmo go viral all the time. Pretty much everything Asmo posts can be considered viral because of his social media following and his status as one of the seven avatars of sin.

However, there are some fairly cute highlights to be pointed out among the times you were both featured in a post that blew up.

Your favorite is probably that time Asmo livestreamed on of you guys’ ‘Nail Nites,’ as you call them.

You’re both on the floor, doing your nails and kicking your feet back and forth while talking to chat. A lot of the questions are about your relationship, and there’s a lot of flirting back and forth between the two of you.

A particular clip of the stream does blow the fuck up on Devilgram, though, when someone screen records it and posts it with a bunch of heart emojis edited over it.

“’What colors do you think best describe each other?’ Ooo, that’s a good one, chat!” Asmo claps his hands together excitedly, making sure to be  careful of his nails.

Pretty much everyone expected you to say pink, but you surprised both your boyfriend and your viewers when, after a pensive few moments, you replied with “Hmm...probably yellow or orange.”

“Can I ask why, darling?” Asmo tilts his head in confusion. I mean, yeah, those colors look good on him, but he doesn’t wear them often so he’s wondering about your thought process. 

“Well, in the human world those colors often represent happiness, optimism, and positivity. You’re always the cheerful presence I need in my life when things get hard, so you have the vibe of those colors.”

Asmo proceeds to burst into tears and hug you, messing up both of your nails and prolonging the stream since you both have to start over. But neither of you particularly care. 

Fun fact: Asmo has the clip that demon made of that portion of the stream saved on his DDD and watches it whenever he feels sad.

Beelzebub:

Beel and you probably go the most viral out of everybody. Like this moment is an entire phenomenon across the Devildom internet. 

It’s a video, or well, multiple videos, taken at the end of a Fangol game that Beel’s team had just won. Everyone is cheering and going crazy, yourself included, and you just really wanted to congratulate your boyfriend.

So, like the rational person you are, you elect to climb up onto the railing of the bleachers and wave to get his attention. 

You were absolutely fine up there, and sat all comfortably motioning Beel over to you. He notices, of course, and jogs over, standing right beneath you and looking up. (Back where you were sitting, Mammon is screeching like a hyena in heat and Belphie, who is laying down, has one eye open to glare at him. The youngest knows Beel would never let you hurt yourself; you’re fine.)

A bunch of assorted demons at the game has started filming while you were sat atop the railing since you were rather noticeable. Therefore, there’s a shit ton of different angles of the adorable events that follow:

You slide off the railing, landing right in Beel’s waiting arms bridal style. You’ve got this brilliant smile on your face as you pull his helmet off. None of the DDDs filming can hear it over the crowd noise, but Beel asks you why you just went through all that trouble and you tell him it’s because you wanted to tell him how proud you are.

Soft boy’s chest puffs up and he smiles this big cheesy smile at you reach up to run a hand through his hair. You feel him practically purr at the contact, and with a laugh you pull him in and plant a big ole smooch on him.

The crowd, at least those of them that can see, scream. Everyone is running high on adrenaline and happy emotions; something that cute causes a ruckus!! When you pull away Beel proceeds to put you on his shoulders and you celebrate with him and the rest of his team.

The videos of you two being adorable go completely viral and there are some threads dedicated to stockpiling every single angle taken of the event. Beel is completely oblivious to the attention but you have a lot of them saved on your DDD.

Belphegor:

If you think Belphegor has any sort of social media presence whatsoever then you are sorely mistaken. (Well okay he actually does run some anonymous troll accounts to meme on Lucifer’s posts but that’s neither here nor there-)

Therefore, naturally, you two go viral off of Asmo’s Devilgram. 

Okay so someone in the obey me tag the other say headcanoned that Belphie will go out of his way to nap in ridiculous places and my brain really took that and RAN WITH IT.

So what happens is that Belphie will fall asleep in the fucking weirdest places. I’m talking on top of the fridge, underneath the dinner table, on top of bookshelves...you name it, he has slept there, no matter the effort it takes to get there in the first place. 

And, ever since you two started dating, you would join him. Sometimes it involved putting yourself at risk of great bodily harm, but the little smile he gave when you he saw you fucking scaling the countertop to reach him made it worth it.

So anyway, since Beel adores the both of you to no end, he takes pictures whenever he sees you two napping together, whether or not it is in a crazy place. He sends these to the family group chat because he thinks they’re adorable.

Over a span of weeks to months, Asmo has built up a stock of images of you and Belphie cuddles up in seemingly impossible places. Once he has about ten or so, he posts a compilation of them to his Devilgram with some cheesy ass caption like “The things we do for love <3″.

They become a meme SO QUICKLY. Like UNBELIEVABLY quickly. 

The picture of you and Belphie sleeping on top of a bookshelf, in particular, is a big hit. Memes abound.

“If my girl doesn’t climb up a bookshelf to cuddle my ass, she don’t love me.” “Get yourself a partner who scales bookshelves just to be with your ass.” Etc etc...Belphie doesn’t give a shit but you laugh at a lot of them so he sees that as a good outcome.

[nat-seal-well]

Could you do some headcannons or something with the damn polycule(including Gav) being dads? Like just being those cool dads that give their kids ice cream for breakfast or something?

If that’s too many people, or just a concept you aren’t for then you don’t have to! But I’d love to hear your thoughts on it :))

Anon you don’t ever have to worry about that being too many people, I’m always weak for the D.A.M.N polycule—

Also, I was gonna work on this later this week but I legit could not leave this thought alone. And it’s been a rough day and I decided something fluffy was needed. Thank you for this request! 💙

Listen. These kids are gonna be SO LOVED.

Like you cannot ask for a more wholesome family.

I just wanna say that when they brought their first kid home, Lasko held them very close and cried. All the boys are determined to make sure their kids have the best life, but him especially. He’s gonna make sure their children never have to go through what he did.

Freelancer convinced all of them to dress like dads the first time they all went out together. We’re talking denim shorts with the shirt tucked in, Nike monarchs, a belt—the whole thing. It was really a joke but Gavin took to it the most.

Gavin: I am what the humans call a dilf

Damien: please stop

Okay on to the actual request

Damien helps them with their homework. You know those memes about dads making their kids cry on math night?

Yeah, that doesn’t happen. Like at all. Damien’s the most patient person you could ask for when it comes to helping them with their work. If there’s something he doesn’t understand, he’ll stay up late after the kiddos go to bed, looking up better ways to help teach them on YouTube or something.

Eventually one of his partners has to come find him to get him to come to bed.

He and the kids have matching aprons for when they help him in the kitchen. On mornings where Damien makes breakfast for the rest of the family, the kids love to lend a hand.

Huxley’s usually the second one up and he always finds them making pancakes together in their aprons.

He has a picture of them cooking saved on his phone. He took it when Damien was busy helping one of the kids mix pancake batter in a bowl. Damien doesn’t know he has it :)

Lasko does Game Night with them. They all sprawl out in the living room and play board games at least once a week. He puts music on a Bluetooth speaker for background noise and lets them pick out a couple games.

There’s lots of snacks, of course.

The kids’ favorite game is Catan. They also like Uno. Lasko comes home at least once a month with a new edition of Uno. The family has a collection going and the kids are always ecstatic whenever he finds a new version.

They also build Legos together. Freelancer’s always coming home to him and the kids at the dining room table and with another Lego set. Lasko reads the instructions and guides the kids when they need it, but for the most part, they do a lot of it themselves. He’s always so proud of them.

Lasko takes them to the movies, too. The whole family does movies, but Lasko’s thing with the kids are the Marvel ones. They all go together to see them. It’s a tradition.

When the kids decide they want to get into sports, Huxley’s the dad for that. No surprise there. He takes them to the store to get all the equipment, he spends weekend afternoons with them at the park while they practice, and he brings the best snacks to all the games.

One of the kids ends up getting really into baseball. A couple of times, for whatever reason, the coaches couldn’t get an umpire. Huxley volunteers whenever it happens.

There’s lots of pictures on the family camera of him in the gear, out on the field. All the other moms love when the actual umpire doesn’t show and they need a stand-in. They might have crushes on him. Maybe.

In spring, he gardens. The kids have a little patch of land in the backyard. They visit every nursery and Lowe’s and Home Depot in Dahlia until the kids find exactly the right flowers to plant.

One of them planted sunflowers and they just took off. Huxley and the kids surprised Freelancer one morning with a bouquet of them.

Gavin joins the parent committee the school has.

When the kids do fundraisers, they always end up making the most money. Especially if it’s the door-to-door stuff. No one sells pies better than those kids, and the distractingly-gorgeous dad who goes with them.

Sunday mornings are for house cleaning. Gavin does a lot of stuff around the house since the others work. Sundays, though? It’s a group effort.

Gavin makes it fun. The others have found him dancing with the kids in the kitchen when they were supposed to be sweeping. He makes all the chores a game, and the house is clean in record-time.

He also likes to take them on walks. Gavin takes them to the same ice cream shop every time, and the owner is just a little in love with him. They get discounts.

(He’s the one that tries to sneak them ice cream for breakfast. Damien has to stop him every time, but he’s gotten good at sneaking them spoonfuls when Damien’s back is turned.)

Caelum absolutely adores the kids, by the way. He watches them whenever Freelancer and their partners go out for the night.

They adore him, too.

They spend a lot of time baking cookies together to surprise their parents, watching Disney movies, and coloring.

He lets them do his hair and makeup. By the end of the night when it’s time to put them to bed, Caelum’s hair is tied back into dozens of ponytails and he has glitter all over his face.

He loves it.

[imakemywings]

A Favor for the Prince

Fandom: Tolkien

Characters: Feanor, Nerdanel

Pairing: Feanor/Nerdanel

Summary: Feanor has a proposal for Nerdanel.

AN: It’s pegging. It’s also PWP. Answering my own prompt on the Silm kink meme.

AO3 | Pillowfort

____________________________________________________

The phallus was sitting on the bed when Nerdanel came in to clean and change after work. It stood out against the pale blue comforter of the four-poster, catching her eye as she shuffled in, raking loose hair back from her face.

It appeared to be a glass base, wrapped in supple, soft leather, save for the tip, which was exposed to show a dark ruby just beneath the glass surface. It was a decent length and thickness (Nerdanel wrapped her thumb and forefinger around it to test), and very erect.

“A surprise for me?” she asked herself aloud with a confused little laugh, finding herself rather funny. That was when she spotted the pile of straps on the dresser by the windows. Setting the fake penis aside, she went to examine those, and, lifting them, realized it was not a haphazard pile of straps, but a harness. It seemed to come together around a central ring, which was rather large. Her eyes flicked back to the phallus on the bed, and unable to resist her curiosity, she tested it. It fit right through the ring, but hung back snugly so it could only be inserted or removed one way. “A surprise for someone else?”

Or a joke? Though it wasn’t really in keeping with Fëanor’s sense of humor, what of it existed. She couldn’t think of anyone else in the house who would bother leaving such a tawdry thing in their bedroom.

Finding no other answers, nor questions, she put both mysteries aside and went to the washbasin to rinse her face and neck of the dust of the studio and change into something she could wear to dinner.

***

From her and Fëanor’s apartments she passed through one of the larger courtyards, headed to the main hall, and saw Finarfin sitting on the edge of a fountain, swinging his feet and dragging a stick through the clear water, a book propped open beside him.

“Arafinwë, have you seen Fëanáro?” she asked.

“No, Lady Nerdanel, not today,” he replied, turning those big, sober blue doe-eyes on her. Finarfin was a child who seemed more like a old Elf trapped in an adolescent’s body, which was a bit jarring following Fëanor, Fingolfin, and Lalwen. She saw him studying with masters of literature, science, and history more often than she saw him playing with others his age. “I heard him going to the forge this morning; he was up very early today. But I have not heard him since.”

“Mm.” Not unusual; it only meant she’d have to track him down. Whether or not they dined with Finwë and his family usually depended on whether or not Fëanor had quarreled with one of them that day, which made it very difficult to plan.

Alas for the difficulties of the royal family!

***

��So, are you responsible for the phallus on the bed?” she asked as they meandered back to their apartments through an open walkway along the outside of the palace. Dinner with the high king and queen had included duck, always a favorite of Nerdanel’s, and Finwë had asked her many questions about her latest commission, something which always put Fëanor in a good mood. He enjoyed boasting about Nerdanel’s exploits to his father, and many times would interrupt her to add details where he felt she had left out something relevant.

“Nerdanel!” Fëanor exclaimed. “You might at least wait until we were inside!”

“But you did leave it there,” she said.

“Did you imagine someone else was breaking into our apartments to leave phalluses lying around?” he asked. She shrugged. She almost wished they had, just so she could see how red Indis would go at the sheer impropriety when Fëanor demanded to know who had been leaving dicks in his apartments.

Fëanor pulled open the door and as they shed the shoes and shawls they had worn to dinner, he said:

“It’s meant for you.”

“For me?” she echoed. “It’s a fine piece of craftsmanship, but I have something better already,” she said, letting her gaze drop pointedly below Fëanor’s waist.

“Not like that,” he said, and despite the low light and Fëanor’s darker skin, Nerdanel was abruptly sure he was blushing. “It’s—for you to use, but not on yourself.”

Fëanor always dressed elegantly for dinner with the family, unless he was annoyed with Finwë or Indis, but not so annoyed as to skip dinner entirely (or in such instances as he had been dragged, nails digging into the floorboards, from the forge after being reminded he really did need to eat something). Bedecked in jewels and delicately-embroidered robes, with black pearls on his slippers and golden ornamental sticks pierced through the small bun he wore (dinner had been only a family affair, and so he had not minded wearing his hair mostly down), he looked like a historian’s vision of what the prince of the Noldor should look like.

“Findis, then? She could use it.” Fëanor choked in a way that Nerdanel was unsure was more amusement or disgust; perhaps it was equally both.

“It’s for me!” Nerdanel curled her hands over the back of the sofa and grinned at him through the half-light of the parlor.

“You wish for me to fuck you, Fëanáro?” His eyes traced over her arms, which rippled with muscle when she stretched, toned from hauling around chunks of marble and stone. He lifted his chin, with that look that was so Fëanor, that refusal to back down or be ashamed or cowed out of what he wanted. His pride was truly phenomenal, but Nerdanel was lying if she said it never made her hot. “Well, who am I to deny the crown prince?” she said. She strolled over to him and hooked her fingers over the sash he wore about his hips to tug him back towards their bedroom.

“Now?” he said.

“Please, as if you would let me make you wait until tomorrow,” she said, and Fëanor followed her lead, and at the threshold gathered her into his arms to kiss her in a way that made her sure he had been named perfectly by Miriel. Spirit of fire indeed! She melted in his embrace and let him burn her up from the inside out.

They took turns pulling things off each other, lips and teeth and tongues in a perpetual slow-motion collision, Fëanor’s hands on her shoulders her breasts her hips her ass, as if he could never have enough of her. It baffled her still, how one such as Fëanor—with either his looks or his station or his talent alone—could have had probably anyone in Tirion, and yet he desired her. She had stopped questioning it a long time ago, though—she didn’t disbelieve that he felt the way he did, only the sense of his taste.

Neither of them moved to take off any of Fëanor’s jewelry, though Nerdanel gladly tossed aside the few pieces she had worn. She might be a Noldo, but she preferred seeing jewels on others to wearing them herself, and Fëanor easily wore enough for both of them.

When he had her down to her undershorts, and Fëanor in his pants, she pushed him off and turned her attention to this new thing he had brought into their bedroom.

“Did you make it?” she asked, grabbing the phallus of the bed where she’d left it before dinner.

“Of course. Do you think I would trust someone else with this?” he asked. Nerdanel snorted.

“Fëanáro, I’m not certain you trust anyone with anything.”

“I trust you,” he murmured against her ear, sending a pleased shiver up her spine. She leaned back against him, feeling the warmth of his strong chest against her back. “I trust you with this.” His mouth was at the juncture of her neck and her freckled shoulder and Nerdanel let out an almost imperceptible sigh.

“How long did it take you to make?” she asked. She felt Fëanor’s muscles tense with a shrug.

“A few weeks?” he said. “I had been fitting it in around other things. I threw out the first three; that ate up time.” Now that sounded like Fëanor. She would accuse him of perfectionism, but she feared he might just hold up a mirror.

“Is that a ruby in there?”

“I didn’t see a reason it shouldn’t be comely,” he said.

“Maybe I should put jewelry on you,” she suggested. Fëanor was nuzzling at her neck, and one of his hands was rucking up the leg of her undershorts, the bulge of his bicep fitted against the slight dip of her waist.

“Do you want to?” he asked lowly, brushing his nose against the blade of her ear. Fëanor had a beautiful voice, smooth like honey when he spoke quietly and resounding with power when he raised it. It was equal parts wonderful and irritating that he need only murmur a few words by her ear to make the heat begin to spark between her legs. (It was worse when listening to him debate made her stir; at least this was more understandable, though the other one did sometimes lead to flash fire encounters in the back rooms of the university.) She made a quick, impatient noise and swatted his hand away from her leg, trying to breathe her heart back to a normal rate.

“You distract me,” she said, which, as usual, only made Fëanor grin impishly at her, his eyes sparkling. “Now, how am I supposed to…” Nerdanel held the harness up, turning it about. It had been easier to figure out how to fit the phallus into it than to fit herself into it.

“Take these off first,” Fëanor said, tugging at her undershorts.

“It won’t fit over them?” she asked.

“Of course it will,” he said. “But you should take them off.” With a pleased purse of her lips, Nerdanel stepped out of her last piece of clothing. At her back, Fëanor reached around to help her turn the harness right-side-up, and held it in place for her. Her eyes raked over his well-shaped forearms and the smell of his perfume enveloped her, a woody scent underlined with something spicy—cardamom? Against her ass, she could feel his excitement, and she leaned back more than strictly necessary to step into the harness, delighting in the way she felt Fëanor shiver. “How does this feel?” he asked quietly, tugging at the straps. “Not too tight?”

“No,” she said, bouncing a little to test the hold and stifling a snicker at the way the phallus bobbed along with her movement.

“If it chaffs, you can loosen it,” he said.

“I believe I shall survive,” she said. She turned to him as Fëanor opened his mouth—doubtless to insist on adjusting the harness if it wasn’t completely comfortable—and stroked his hair; halfway through a caress, she sank her fingers into his glossy black tresses and forced him down to his knees. “You, though…I can’t promise anything there,” she said. Fëanor’s eyes were fixed on her with singular focus, making her heart pound in her chest; being the object of his whole attention had always sent shivers up her back.

“Lick it,” she said on impulse. With his dark eyes still on her face, Fëanor leaned in and ran his tongue up the phallus. “More,” she said. Fëanor held her eyes a moment more before lowering his gaze. He leaned in took the tip of the thing into his mouth, and Nerdanel suddenly ached, watching his sweet red lips wrap around the cock she wore.

How had she never considered this idea before?

She reached her hand for his hair again, but he wasn’t halfway down the toy before he gagged and drew back.

“That is unpleasant,” he said, rubbing his throat.

“You big baby,” Nerdanel said. Fëanor scowled.

“That’s different.”

“Hardly,” she said. “You learn to like it.” But she wouldn’t make him learn it all in one night; she’d rather have his loud mouth on flesh and blood, anyway. And there was plenty else to do with this thing. “Go lie down, then.”

Fëanor stretched out with anticipation on their bed, watching her keenly, his pants tented around his arousal. Nerdanel followed, kneeling against the edge, to yank the pants off and toss them aside, making him twitch as they dragged over his groin.

“You’re focused tonight,” she murmured, lowering her head to press her lips against the softness of his inner thigh.

“Am I?” He didn’t sound focused; he sounded like he might be about to pass out.

“You say nothing about what you did at the forge today,” she explained, flicking her tongue against his skin; she felt a tiny, sharp gasp escape him.

“I…did nothing of particular interest…”

“And that’s not a story itself?” she asked, moving upwards; Fëanor squirmed and Nerdanel bit down on a grin. “Come on, tell me,” she coaxed. “What did you work on today?”

“The lamps,” he said tightly. “The blueprints are…I don’t know what I was thinking; they’re useless. I’ve thrown them out; I must start again. The entire design was bland, and poorly-conceived, and—” Fëanor cut himself off with an intake of breath as Nerdanel leaned up to kiss his chest, dragging his tongue around his nipple, pressing the cock between his shapely legs. “Nerdanel,” he whined, wriggling as if it wasn’t every other time they were in bed he couldn’t keep his mouth shut (even sitting on his face, Nerdanel had found, did not necessarily shut him up).

“And?” she said.

“Nerdanel!”

“Oh, hush,” she said, sealing her mouth over his and grinding her hips against his. Fëanor’s hips bucked against hers and he grabbed at her waist, pulling her more firmly down against him. Taking advantage of her new appendage, she rutted against the tent in Fëanor’s shorts, feeling an ache low in her gut at his clear desire.

“Nerdanel,” Fëanor breathed wetly against her mouth. “Please…”

“There’s my sweet-tongued prince,” she teased, kissing at his throat. Fëanor rolled his hips up against her, his nails digging into her back. “Wouldn’t you be disappointed if I made it easy for you? You never like anything that isn’t difficult.”

“That’s…not true,” he panted, tensing his legs on either side of her, drawing his knees up. “You make me sound very unpleasant.”

“Of course it is,” she said. “Anything which is easy bores you. I do not intend to ever bore you, Fëanáro.” She nipped at his neck and trailed her fingers over his ribs, feeling the goosebumps break out over his skin. Fëanor moaned, and she felt his hips jerk ever more desperately up against her. Deciding she had teased him enough, she reached down and pulled his shorts off, exposing his flushed cock with a soft gasp of relief from her husband. She spread his legs.

“Wait!” he cried, shifting back on the bed. He leaned over to the end table on his side and withdrew a small vial of fluid. Nerdanel examined it once Fëanor had passed it to her and realized it was oil.

“Ah. Yes, probably a good idea,” she agreed. She slicked the toy down and gave the bottle back to Fëanor to set aside. “On your knees,” she said. With a flickering look of his dark eyes, he complied and Nerdanel pressed close to him, sliding the cock between his legs, little jerks of her hips moving the toy back and forth between his thighs. “If you change your mind…” she began.

“No,” Fëanor interrupted. “Go ahead.” Rolling her eyes faintly, she drew back to examine the situation. Eru forbid she suggest he’d gotten in over his head.

“As you wish; just give me a moment…” She lined herself up properly and hesitated once more. “You’re sure—”

“Do it!”

Aulë’s anvil, one would think she was seeking to deprive him of something.

She pressed the tip of the cock into Fëanor and he gasped and shuddered and she stopped immediately.

“Fëanáro, is—”

“I haven’t asked you to stop!” Nerdanel looked up at the canopy as if the stars embroidered there could grant her patience.

“I’m only going slow,” she said, which sounded better than ‘I panicked.’ “This is our first time with such a thing. I don’t wish to hurt you,” she emphasized. Sometimes stating what ought to be obvious was the only way to combat Fëanor’s predilection for assuming the worst of anyone’s intentions, always. She heard Fëanor take a deep breath.

“It can’t possibly be worse than being burned on hot iron.”

“How I do love hearing you compare our sex life to your forge-related injuries!”

“Are you going to proceed, or should I have fucked myself with it instead?” Fëanor asked. “It begins to feel that would have been quicker.”

“Oh, hush,” Nerdanel said. “I’ve already begun.” She continued sliding the cock into him and feeling somewhat reassured she wasn’t causing him pain, she could just enjoy the way he collapsed down on the bed in a series of garbled moans and clanking bracelets, managing through that to keep his pert ass in the air for her to fuck.

What a good boy.

“How’s this?” she asked gently, stroking one hand along his thigh. Fëanor made some incomprehensible noise. “With words, Fëanáro, please.” Delightful as his senseless groaning was, she wanted to be sure of this.

“Good,” he said hoarsely.

Giving him a moment to get accustomed to the feeling of having something inside him, Nerdanel leaned over and pressed little kisses against the warm expanse of his back, drawing her hand up slowly to tease at his cock and balls until he whined and she felt his hips twitch against her hand.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

“Yes, yes, I’m ready!”

With slow care, Nerdanel drew out of him and then pressed back in, pulling a low moan from Fëanor; she saw his pretty hands fist in the sheets and something in her core went molten. Fëanor wanted her to fuck him? Then please him she would!

“Is that to your liking?” she asked.

“Yes,” he answered, breathing heavily.

“Do you want more?”

“Nerdanel!”

With a quiet laugh, she repeated the movement and Fëanor seemed to sink lower on the bed.

“Nerdanel, faster, please,” he implored her after the third time, shifting about with impatience. Nerdanel obliged, picking up the pace, thrusting in and out of him with her cock, until she could hear Fëanor’s earrings rattle with the force of her fucking, the gold decorations on his hair sticks swaying.

“Oh, Nerdanel, fuck,” he moaned, his knuckles gone white against the sheets. The sound of his lovely voice in the throes of such aching desire nearly made Nerdanel’s mouth water. She slammed into him once more, forcing a choked gasp out of him, and then stopped.

“Turn over,” she said. Fëanor was panting.

“Nerdanel,” he said.

“Turn over, Curufinwë.” With a whine, Fëanor pulled himself off the cock and fell onto his back. He gazed up at her, bright eyes framed with thick lashes, his lush black hair fanning out beneath him, the candlelight shining off the jewels at his forehead, his throat, his ears: red and white and green against the cool brown of his skin. Nerdanel sent a silent prayer of thanks she had wed the most beautiful Elf in Valinor. “Look at you,” she said. “Just look at you!” She leaned down and kissed Fëanor, parting her mouth against his, and his arms went around her, holding her tightly to him. “Fëanáro,” she murmured against his lips. “Fëanáro, I’m going to fuck you so good.”

“Yes, please,” he breathed.

She spread his legs further apart and slid the toy back into him all at once, feeling more confident about it this time. It helped how Fëanor writhed as if he could not get it back into himself fast enough.

“Do you see how thoughtful I am, not remarking at all on how impatient you are?”

“Remind me to give you an award later,” Fëanor said sarcastically, a quick intake of breath coming at the end of his snark as Nerdanel sheathed the toy fully into him. Fucking him from behind had excellent results, but fucking him on his back meant she got to see each and every expression that crossed his face as she began again with a slow pace: how his eyebrows knit together in impatience, how he bit at his full lower lip when she hit him at the right angle, how his rosy flush spread from his face down his neck to his chest.

It also meant she could kiss him, though doing that while also managing the toy was going to take her more getting used to. Fëanor arched up against her as she kissed him, like he was trying to drive the toy deeper into himself, and his achingly hard cock pressed against her stomach. His hands found her breasts and as he massaged them, his thighs squeezing against her hips, she had to keep herself from climbing onto his lap. She had a job to do and she was going to do it!

            She had to draw back from kissing him to focus on fucking him, which, if the arching of his back off the mattress was any sign, was alright with him. The tension in his body told her he was getting close, but when she reached for him, he knocked her hand away.

            “No,” he panted. “No, just…just the toy. I just want that.” So she focused on quick, sharp thrusts of her hips, making Fëanor turn his head to the side, biting his lip and desperately wriggling his body against her. “Nerdanel,” he said, his voice almost a plea. His cock was dripping and there was a tremor in his thighs and Nerdanel wanted to swallow him whole, her beautiful, prideful princeling.

            “You look good with a cock in you, Fëanáro,” she said, driving into him, trusting him to tell her if she was going too hard. He opened his mouth to reply, but all that came out was a gasping moan, his hands grabbing frantically at the sheets, his bracelets clinking against each other with his movement.

            “Nerdanel, I—!”

            “You’re so close, I know,” she said. “Won’t you cum for me, Fëanáro? I want to see you cum.” Fëanor whined, rutting his hips up against her and she would’ve touched him then, if he hadn’t told her not to, but instead she braced her hands against the mattress and picked up her pace, shoving that cock in and out of him as quickly as she could (and thankful that all her time hauling rock kept her fit enough to manage) “Come on Fëanáro,” she panted. “Let me see, let me see your bliss.”

            “Nerdanel,” he gasped, but whatever else he was gone to say broke off in a loud moan as he finally climaxed, his seed splattering against her stomach. Nerdanel came to a stop and Fëanor, limp on the bed, made a sound near a whimper as she pulled out of him. Surveying her work, she nodded with approval. Fëanor hadn’t been wrong about the idea—seeing him splayed out sweaty and flushed and speechless convinced her of that.

            There was just the matter now of how fucking wet she was.

            Catching her own breath, she flopped down on her back beside him.

            “You were right,” she said, always a dangerous thing to say to Fëanor. “I can’t believe we did not think to try this sooner.”

            “I always have good ideas,” said Fëanor.

            “I’m giving you this one,” she said. “Now help me get out of this thing.” With a quiet groan, Fëanor peeled himself off the bed and set to undoing the straps of the harness. Nerdanel’s contribution was lifting her ass off the bed so he could slide the whole thing off of her. When he got off the bed, though, she pulled her attention back to focus. “Where are you going?” she asked.

            “It should be cleaned,” he said.

            “Now?” Fëanor was looking at her, and Nerdanel knew it was going to bother him if she made him put it down and come back, so she waved him off and let her head fall back against the mattress. Let Fëanor clean up if he wanted; she was going to lay right there. “Be quick,” she added. She closed her eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips when she thought of what a mess she’d made of Fëanor. Lazily, she dipped a hand between her legs, sliding a finger in a slow circle around her whining clit as she replayed in her mind the sound of his needy moaning.

            “Hey, now.” Fëanor’s voice came softly, but much closer than she had expected; her eyes opened to see him easing onto the bed. One of his necklaces hung crookedly, caught against the sweaty stickiness of his chest. The shade of brown in his eyes seemed to shift in the light when he moved his head. “That’s my job,” he said, taking her hand and kissing it, sucking on the tip of her finger to lick the taste of her off. She had seen Fëanor bend bars of metal one-handed, but when he took her fingers his touch was as gentle as if he were handling blown glass.

            “Well, then, Prince Fëanáro,” she said. “I await your efforts.” He smiled and sank down between her legs, turning his face to press kisses against her pale thigh.

            “For you, my dear, it’s no effort at all.”

[jjuzoir]

Dating Suna Rintarou HCS

Word Count: 1388

A/N: i’m sick of the suna slander 😔 i wanted some soft sunrin hc’s because it’s always drug lord rin this or toxic suna that :’) i’m too soft for that i need me some 17 y/o meme nerd who’s socially awkward and still asks himself how he got a s/o. if no one else will i will 👺

- He may be good at reading volleyball moves but he’s definitely a little dense when it comes to emotions.

- He doesn’t really talk much about them with you, it’s not that he doesn’t feel anything - he just struggles expressing himself properly with words, so in turn he tends to express himself with actions.

- He’ll struggle a lot at the beginning, afraid to upset you or overstep some boundaries that haven’t been explained, but with time he’ll grow comfortable telling you things as they are.

- The type to walk over to you when he sees you’re not feeling too good and wrap his arms around you, he doesn’t say much as you slowly return the hug and sob. He won’t say anything, he’d let you pour it out now and later have a talk with you.

- He’d have a few snacks you like on his bag too just in case you get hungry or whatever, he says they’re for him but you know he doesn’t like that brand of chips but you do.

- Once you’re done, he takes your hand and leads you to a more private area and encourages you to talk. He may not be able to solve the issue but sometimes talking about how you feel… makes things better, even if it’s just slightly.

- He’s the type to remember anything you tell him even in passing, mention something like your parent’s birthday or an appointment and he’ll just store the information in his brain and spit it out at random times.

- That includes things such as food orders and allergies, what you like and don’t, the things that make you uncomfortable or that make you feel icky; he could write a book on you. Just text him over for some food and he’ll know what to order you even if it’s a place you’ve never been to together.

- He really likes having pictures and videos of you on his camera roll, he'll have super cute pictures of you on a date one moment and then a video of you falling on your ass after you went to pick up a pencil.

- Once you start being more serious about your relationship, he’ll dedicate every game and point he scores to you. If you’re there he’ll look over to your seat and nod, his eyes naturally gravitate towards yours, he’ll always smile at you whenever he scores a point.

- Won’t say it at first but he loves it when you wear his jacket, seeing you in the stands cheering for him with the rest of his classmates pumps him up. After he notices he does better when you do, he’d probably get an extra one for you with his number on it (when Atsumu heard him asking Kita for it he broke lung laughing).

- He hesitated a lot before asking you out, he’s the type of guy to watch over his crush for a while. Not in the creepy way more in the “wow this person is so cool I want to approach them but I’m too embarrassed”-way.

- He loves it when you wear his clothes, especially his hoodies. He isn’t subtle about it at all either, Suna will straight up throw you the hoodie and be like “wow it’s so cute you’re so cute too imagine you wearing that how cute that’d be lmao” while his ears are blushing red.

- Finds everything you do cute, you could be walking towards him in the corridor and he’d be blushing and smiling to himself. Atsumu and Osamu tease the fuck out of him once you’re gone.

- Will send you random posts that remind him of you, they can go from cute pictures of cats snuggling to a deep fried image of a chicken nugget.

- “Heh, look… it’s you.” He showed you a picture, he was lying down on your lap - his hair messy from deep sleep - with his cheeks squished in your thighs.

- “Babe that’s Patrick star.” You look at the screen in confusion and continue playing with your boyfriend’s hair, slightly concerned for his well being.

- “Same energy though.” He mumbles after saving the post, he’d make it your contact picture later.

- He loves falling asleep on your lap, it’s annoying. You know once he lays his head on your thighs he’s not moving until the next hour or so. Kind of like a cat in that regard because Suna will find the worst time to cuddle you like that and he’d refuse to leave unless you move, which you normally don’t because when you do he looks extremely betrayed much to your dismay.

- He’s so soft for you, you wouldn’t realize it unless you heard him ramble about how cute you are in the dressing room but oh my god is he ready to move the world around for you.

- When he messes around during practice, Aran will threaten to call you and it’s so embarrassing. Rintarou was so sure he wouldn’t, like that’s so petty you’re actually going to call my S/O? And then Aran did it and he had not only Aran and Kita scolding him (and the Miya twins) but you were there too looking so disappointed in him. He rarely gets out of line afterwards, the face you gave him haunts him in his dreams sometimes.

- You’re his home screen! It’s not even a cute picture of you, it’s probably one he took of you while you slept in class - you’re drooling and your uniform is all messed up - and he’s just standing there holding a peace sign up and white-boy-smiling.

- He has you saved under “Suna [Name]” and he got made fun of, he swears it was a joke but when he goes to call you his cheeks get all pretty and pink.

- He doesn’t say much, his love language is more of a “whenever you need me I’ll be there”. If there’s someone who you can count on to listen to your problems and help you it’s probably Rin. He jokes around and all but when it comes to you he’s surprisingly serious.

- He’ll also let you play with his hair. His favorite is when you put butterfly clips on them and make two uneven ponytails on the side of his head, he said he was Shrek and you were his Lord Farquaad (you asked him if you saw the same movie afterwards).

- When he’s really bored, he’ll edit pictures of you into memes and send them to you at 4AM.

- Sometimes when you cuddle, you can hear him mumble about how much he loves you and whenever you bring it up he gets so mad and shy and says he was probably thinking about chicken wings or Dolly Parton.

- He sees you as his best friend and s/o, he really values the input you have but that doesn’t mean he won’t tease the fuck out of you. He’s soft but he will absolutely obliterate you, he loves joking around with you and saying the dumbest shit for fun and seeing you go blank as you hear him talk about fucking Mort from Madagascar being a evil universe colonizer.

- His favorite dates with you would be the ones where you go somewhere very pretty and try taking the ugliest pictures of each other, it always ends up with you two laughing loudly as you show each other what you took.

- Rin can play the piano and he sometimes will serenade you, it can either be a very emotional song or Megalovania.

- Sometimes, Atsumu and Osamu will ruin your dates by bumping into you guys and not leaving either of you alone. It’s embarrassing because they will not stop teasing the two of you for being in love and shit, you always end up blushing when they start talking about how much Rin loves you and how he talks about you during practice.

- Overall, Sunrin is surprisingly a soft, caring boyfriend who’s way too whipped for his well-being and is absolutely getting bullied by the team because of it.