#in which case it’s probably relevant

[nikkilbook]

Dear fanfic writers of the world:

Please. I’m begging you. If your blorbos are supposed to be dancing together, PLEASE stop writing that the leading partner put their hand on the other’s waist.

When dancing, the following partner (traditionally the lady) puts their left hand on the leading partner (traditionally the dude)’s upper arm, usually just below the deltoid. Just barely off the shoulder. The leader puts their right hand IMMEDIATELY UNDERNEATH THE LEFT ARM OF THEIR PARTNER, ON THE SHOULDER BLADE OR UPPER RIBS.

Your waist is the bendy space between your rib cage and your pelvis. Bend to one side; see the crease where your skin kind of pinches together? That’s your waist. If the dude puts their hand that low, it absolutely hamstrings your ability to lead properly and do things like spins or lifts or anything like that, AND it can cause SERIOUSLY PAINFUL HIP CRAMPS. Like, socket pain, low back pain, muscle aches in your thigh, etc. It hurts so bad.

Also, if your blorbos are dancing somewhere with other people, like a fancy party or something, or anytime they want to be able to do something other than list off “hey, let’s go in this direction” or “let’s do this move next” or anything, or if they aren’t familiar with their partner and the dance doesn’t have exact choreographed steps that everyone at the party knows, basically any time one person is ACTUALLY leading and the other is expected to follow whatever they do, hips are going to be touching.

This doesn’t apply AS much to Latin dances (cha-cha, rumba, salsa, etc.), but for something like a waltz, foxtrot, Viennese waltz, etc., the ones that have the big elegant ball gowns and the fancy tuxedos and such, the way one partner leads is A) with their arms in proper position, and B) with their hips touching their partner’s. It’s staggered, crotch-to-thigh, so that if the dude steps forward with his right leg, he’s stepping between the girl’s legs, and if she steps forward with her right, it’s the same. This way you know exactly what the other person is doing at any given moment, and you’re less likely to trip over each other’s feet.

Also, hips and face are basically magnetic. Hips are N/S, so they stay stuck together. Faces are N/N or S/S, and are repelled from each other. That’s where the elegant arching of the back comes from. I’m sure you don’t need my help figuring out the implications for your slow burn enemies-to-lovers unresolved sexual tension fic there.

Please. I’m dying here. Just, put the hands in the right spot. That’s the main thing. It’s all I’m asking.

Signed,

- I did ballroom in high school

[clanborn]

not really relevant to my blog but i’m curious what the common opinion regarding “closed species” is on here

[wonder-worker]

After the exile and attainder of her husband, Henry Holland, duke of Exeter, [Anne of York] acquired the bulk of his inheritance in 1462 with custody over her daughter and heiress, Anne Holland. The decision to make Anne femme sole was legalised in parliament. It was a testament to Edward’s willingness to bend the law for his family as the family ignored the rightful claim of the Holland family descendants such as Ralph, Lord Neville. Although it was enrolled as a royal grant, the original bill suggests it was in fact made at the duchess’s request as it bears the king’s sign manual, a note of the commons’ consent, and the royal response ‘le roy le voet’.

Alexander R. Brondarbit, Power Brockers and the Yorkist State, 1461-1485

[clockworkcheetah]

having an extremely halfbaked thought about the framing of todd getting pararibulitis at the end of 1x08

[rohirric-hunter]

A while ago I said I wanted to share a massive playlist of all the songs I use for inspo for the Wind Will Set Me Racing 'Verse but I was frustrated because YouTube threw a fit every time I tried to edit the playlist -- well, I think I found a way around that. I don't own all the songs, which is why I didn't do this earlier, but it was simply a matter of organizing the playlist on some other service (I used NewPipe, the app I use to access YouTube from my phone, since I deleted the YouTube app a while ago since it kept on recommending me things I wasn't interested in based on things it was overhearing at work) and then creating the playlist by just adding the songs in order, without actually editing it, on YouTube proper. Now, I have had to close and reopen Firefox twice since I started doing this because it does slowly ramp up the amount of memory it's using the more songs I add, but I'm almost done now -- hopefully I can share it. And hopefully playing it won't crash other people's browsers.

[welcometogrouchland]

Remember when people would make gifsets and analysis posts and stuff about the meanings behind characters names, and find a interpretation that- regardless of whether or not it was intentional- added like another layer to the characters story??? That shit was amazing I miss it

[catgirlkirigiri]

Can I still get into Heaven if i kill myself?

[databent]

(goes to google) (looks up "american goldfinch plush") ooouuuuu... birdie...

[greenerteacups]

This is ofc very random but I absolutely love how you wrote Harry and his reactions to people arguing loudly or just generally arguing around him. SO that being said, do you make a written sheet keeping track of each characters personalities and traits and maybe even background stories? I really think all of your side characters are well written and isn't two dimensional at all and thats one of the MANY reasons why this fic is one of the best Ive read ((maybe not just fic but books in general))

This is really lovely, thank you so much! I don't keep a spreadsheet, though I do have a section of my outline doc that's basically a mini-bible for misc. characters — eye color, hair color, what their parents do, where they live, trivia that I can't remember on command. When it comes to characterization, I keep consistency through voice. If a character sounds the same, they'll feel the same, and inversely, if I can't imagine a character's voice saying something, then it's a good sign I need to stop and figure out what I'm actually trying to have them say. Or just restructure the story! Sometimes I throw something down in my outline, get around to writing the scene weeks later, and realize that the character went somewhere different, and I like the new direction better. Some authors describe this as characters having "lives of their own," but I think it's just ... authors having fun. You explored a new direction, you liked it more, you went with it.

Voice is much easier to get right when you've been working with the same cast as long as I have — Draco's voice has become so easy it's sort of like slipping into a second skin, though that's probably not helpful (like, "try writing 300,000 words from your character's POV, really helps you nail the cadence!" is not exactly Hemingway-grade advice). But even when you only have someone for three lines, it's crazy how much information you can fit in. Accents, slang, forms of address, level of formality, how fast are they talking, how long do they talk, do they gesture, how much — answering those questions requires you to think about where they come from, and how they approach a situation, and once you do that, you have a person. Even if you don't have a story arc, you still have a person.

[chevaliermalfets]

OF COURSE the jury president for my candidacy exam is a magnetic materials guy

[aparticularbandit]

i just realized. re: the very long this post.

in ultimate ventriloquist's murder trial. the victim was monokuma.

like. nobody actually died. and junko would probably think that killing off the puppet that killed monokuma was an equivalent exchange. good bit, good fun, reset to center, no more puppets as people, the joke ran its route, good on everyone!

ultimate ventriloquist wasn't supposed to actually die. it was...it was a bit. a joke!

no wonder it gave junko the shakes.

....

this is either a case 2 or a case 4. i'm not sure which.

probably a case 4.

[taniushka12]

yknow im just noticing the way mold hosts seem to be eating the environment's mold before they notice you, which suggest that the mold spreads first and the hosts are just following it, instead of my original statement that the hosts were the carrier of the mold !

[fallloverfic]

I went overboard (and kinda cheated cause some of these were just a lot smaller to nonexistent when I started posting for them, but are definitely not now), so with the caveat this is only going by Archive of Our Own stats (and also thank you to all the amazing tag wranglers who have wrangled tags that have been the only fic in that pairing/fandom for ages, small fandom authors love you so much):

Blind Men has 15 fics total, mine is the most recent (over a year after posting), and it is the fifth Hunter/Keegan work.

Captain Laserhawk: A Blood Dragon REMIX had 5 fics before I posted the first Alex Taylor/Dolph Laserhawk fic. There are now 213 fics total and 21 Alex/Dolph fics.

It's hard to tell with this fandom because of active fandoms, backdating, and crossovers, but I posted the second fic for Castlevania: Nocturne and Mizrak/Olrox (I know because I went immediately to the tag after watching and I checked it before and after posting mine). There are now 257 fics in the fandom tag and 91 for the pairing. I also posted the second fic for Alucard/Olrox (it's been shifted out of order because another fic either backdated or added the pairing, but one reason I finally put mine up was because the only fic for the pairing at the time was one solely based on the games that predated the show by 8 years). There are now 7 fics for the pairing. I posted the third of the now 12 Olrox/Richter fics.

I created the Dorus/Styxx pairing for the Dark-Hunter Series. I still have the only fic. Dorus isn't an original character (he's a minor acquaintance in the book who meets Styxx twice), but I almost completely retconned his backstory and personality.

I started and was the entirety of the Dear Monster tag for some time (I wrote 3, there are now 4, with one published almost a year after my last fic), and I also published the only Faeryn/Allen fic.

I posted 1 of the 26 Rouxls Kaard/Mettaton fics for Deltarune/Undertale.

I posted the first Ameridan/Kordillus Drakon I fic from Dragon Age: Inquisition (there is now a second, published nearly three years after mine). I published the first Lacklon/Roland fic for Dragon Age: Absolution. There are now 21 fics. As I recall it was only like the third or fourth fic at most in the fandom tag at the time, but this is another fandom that's hard to track due to active fandoms, backdating, and crossovers. I also have 1/14 of the Solas/Felassan fanfics, and 1/41 of the m/m Davrin/Rook fanfics.

Element of Fire has 6 fics. Mine is the most recent and I posted the only Roland Fontainon/Gideon fic. And Roland Fontainon/Falaise, but I don't fully consider that the fic focus so. I think it's also the only one that even includes Roland.

I posted 1 of the 38 Augus Each Uisge/Gwyn ap Nudd fics for Fae Tales - not_poignant. That's 1 out of 15 if you only count fanworks, since all the canon and official AUs are included in the tag. I published both the 2 fanfics for Eran Iliakambar/Mosk Manytrees (the other 4 works are all canon and an official AU). I published the only fanwork for Anika/Terho (the other fic is a canon extra).

I created the crossover pairing Wing/Murata Ugetsu for Hunter X Hunter and Given and have the only fic for it.

I posted the only tagged Clark Kent/Lewis Lane fic for My Adventures with Superman. But I can't believe there isn't something else out there for a character who's technically existed since 1980. There may be one in German and another in English that's tagged for Louis Lane, the 1980 character(s), but they both predate My Adventures with Superman by some years.

I posted 1 of the 14 fics for Brad Boimler/Jack Ransom for Star Trek: Lower Decks.

I posted the most recent 2 of the 4 Van Fanel/Allen Schezar fics for Escaflowne.

I posted the only Lisava Ormevar/Aathis Rohethar fic for The Chronicles of Osreth.

I posted the 3 most recent The Hunt fics, and all 4 fandom fics are for Hendrey/Cash (fic 1, fic 2, fic 3).

I posted 1 of the 34 Link/Tauro fics. I also went looking back when I posted and at least back then I couldn't find Link/those funky tower mechanical arm tentacles, so maybe I was the first with that? Only two fics pop up when I search for them now.

This is another fandom where it's hard to track things due to active fandoms, backdating, etc., but I recall I published the second Jaskier/Radovid V fic, and maybe the first focused on the Netflix show version (the one prior to that, as I recall, was game and/or book focused). I remember being surprised there still weren't that many when I posted my second one. Pretty sure the pairing was still in the double digits. There are now 345. I published one of the first couple fics for Filavandrel aen Fidhail/Vesemir, and I believe the first or second to specifically focus on their incarnations in The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf. There are now 37 fics. I also started the tag for Sirens of the Deep and still have the only fic in the tag.

This isn't a pairing but I somehow published the only fanfic for the Tomb Raider Top Cow comics tag? Similarly, I started the Golden Sparkle by Minta Suzumaru tag.

I published 1 of 32 fics for Anna Valerious/Gabriel Van Helsing for Van Helsing (2004).

I published the third of 6 fics for Dietfried Bougainvillea/Claudia Hodgins from Violet Evergarden. I think the second-to-last published before mine (that's currently a WIP) one came out cause I went on a sort of hiatus while posting.

This is another fandom where it's hard to track things due to active fandoms, backdating, etc., but my fic is listed as the 9th for Rand al'Thor/Ishamael. There are now 47.

My Shutendouji/Ryo fic is the seventh out of ten fics for the pairing for Ronin Warriors. When I originally made this post, it was the sixth. I assume someone backdated a fic or retagged it.

I published the second of the now 13 Jin Marito/Tahide Outa fics for a fandom with now 91 works (Bucchigiri?!).

This is another fandom where it's hard to track things due to active fandoms, backdating, etc., but I think I posted one of the first 20 Gongyi Xiao/Zhuzhi-lang fics for The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System. There are now 114. I posted 1 of the 33 Liu Qingge/Zhuzhi-lang fics.

There are 53 works in the Kyuujitsu no Warumono-san webcomic tag and 8 in the anime tag. I think I posted the third Akatsuki Red/Shogun fic (and there are now 13), and the first Rooney/Shogun fic. There are now 3. I've posted the second of the 2 Shogun/Yoiyami Black fics.

I posted fic #4 in the See You My King/The King and Me tag, and the first Xiao Wei/Evtiti fic. There are now 2/3(?) (it's hard to tell because the tag hasn't been wrangled). I also posted the 9th + 10th most recent Mimi/Zhang Li fics. There are 12 fics in the fandom tag.

I posted the first fic for Lang Qianqiu/Xiao Mengyou or Lang Qianqiu/Xiao Shiwei, but I believe the second fic about Xiao Mengyou (the first one didn't name him). There are now 13 fics in the tag.

I posted technically the second fic of the 2 for Peach Blossom Debt. The other fic for some time was just two words that say, "Coming 2024" (it's since been edited to have actual fic in it). Mine is the only one for Song Yao/Hengwen Qingjun.

I posted the 7th fic for The Imperial Uncle, and it's the second for Jing Chengjun/Liu Tongyi. The total fandom is 17 fics.

I posted the most recent 2 of still 3 fics for The Deer King, which includes 1 of 2 fics for Hohsalle Yuguraul/Van Gansa, and the only fic for Hohsalle Yuguraul/Makokan.

I posted the still only fic for Joseph Huh/Yongsoo Ahn in a fandom that I think had a lot fewer fics before mine back when I posted it, but it has 58 now. I am using the official English translation spellings. I'm not sure what Ao3 is using.

I posted one of now 8 total fics for Choi Jong-In/Sung Jin-Woo in Solo Leveling (it had 9 when last I looked).

I posted the second and most recent fic for Jaehwan/Karlton Javier for The World After the Fall. The fandom tag has 34 fics now.

I've posted 2 of the 14 fics for Anubis/Khnum in ENNEAD (fic 1, fic 2). (It used to have 15, I guess someone deleted one).

I've posted apparently the second of 11 works tagged for Lee Hakhyun/Yoo Joonghyuk for Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint.

I've posted the second of 4 fics for Chronos/Zagreus in the Hades fandom. I've posted the only Heracles/Icarus fic. I posted the first of now 14 total Odysseus/Moros fics.

For Blood of Zeus, I've posted the latest of 5 fics for Apollo/Seraphim. I posted the last two Seraphim/Heron fics in the 10 fic tag (fic 1, fic 2).

Not a romantic/physical ship, but I posted the first Mithrun & Milsiril fic for Delicious in Dungeon.

I'm currently writing a series of non-existent ships in the Ayashi no Ceres tag. Thus far I've posted one each for Alec/Ryurik, Alec/Kagami, Kagami/Toya, Yuhi/Toya, and Toya/Wei. I have one last one planned for another ship that doesn't exist. The only m/m fic in the fandom tag that isn't mine is for characters from another series. Most of the characters I'm writing don't have wrangled tags.

I've written two of the 12 Lawrence Bluewer/Edgar Redmond fics for Kuroshitsuji (fic 1, fic 2).

For The Sea Beast (2022), I wrote one of the five Jacob Holland/Original Character fics, and the only tagged Jacob Holland/The Surgeon fics (I think there are other fics, but they aren't using the wrangled tag).

For BoJack Horseman, I've written one of the 74 BoJack Horseman/Mr. Peanutbutter fics.

For Bridgerton, I've written the only Anthony Bridgerton/Lord Lumley fic.

For Epic: The Musical, I wrote one of now 26 Eurylochus/Odysseus fics (there were fewer than 7 when I published it).

For Dark Rise, I've written one of 61 Anharion/Sarcean fics (there were fewer than 46 when I published).

I have the only Babylon 5 fic tagged for Marcus Cole & Lennier, as well as Lyta Alexander & Marcus Cole.

I have the only Vlad Taltos/Haichfa fic in Dragaera, and it's one of only 15 m/m works in the fandom.

I have 1/35 and the most recent Jareth/Toby fic in Labyrinth.

I wrote the fourth and most recent fic for Ordeal By Innocence (TV) fanfic.

I started the Requiescence tag, and currently have the only fics in it, including the only Kaul/Kymil fanfic (other one is a crossover).

I wrote one of the now 96 Loid Forger/Yuri Briar fics for Spy x Family.

From what I can tell I have the only Starship Operators fanfic on Ao3. The fandom tag still hasn't been wrangled after nearly half a year.

I wrote the second of two fics for State Fair (1945).

I started the tag for Twilight of the Gods, though there were at least a couple fics for it before it was wrangled, and which are now likely in the wrong tags (one version of the tag was for a larger and incorrect fandom). The main relationships are unwrangled.

I have the only fic in the wrangled version of Koschey/Ivan for Im|mortal the webcomic. There are two others in different versions of the tag for the total 4-fic tag.

I have 1 of the now 24 Hirose Aiki/Nakamura Okuto fics for Go for it, Nakamura!!.

I have 1/10 of the Yu Shengyuan/Yuan Ying fics for Thousand Autumns.

I have 1/14 Cale Henituse/Bud Illis fics in the Lout of Count's Family tag, which is also 1/32 of the Cale/Tunka tag, and the only Bud/Cale/Tunka fic. I have 1/62 of the Clopeh Sekka/Cale fics. I have the only fic tagged for the Dragon Half-Blood & Ron Molran, which is also 1/4 of the Cale & Dragon Half-Blood fics. I have 1/3 of the Dragon Half-Blood & Sheritt fics.

Reblog and put your rare pair in the tags/comments! I want to see the depths people will go to create, for the most random two characters in the most obscure media.

[nogoodanswers]

I was reorganizing stuff earlier and decided to reread the onk/rwby crossover I had been working on (well, one of them at least) and now I kinda wanna post it

Should probably still let it sit for a while and do some editing beforehand, but now that I've talked about it I'm obligated to post it (eventually) so hopefully I'll actually end up working on it at some point

...no im not procrastinating working on i.f. whatever are you talking about

[primatechnosynthpop]

While writing the first part of my script for a potential video project, I was very aware that I was channeling a certain youtuber, but now that it's time to actually read the stuff I wrote out loud in my own voice and not his, I'm realizing that this may be a problem

[gold-onthe-inside]

Request (slightly nsfw): Spencer comes into work and doesn’t info dump in the briefing. The team questions him and turns out he cut his tongue on his gf’s piercing.

tongue-tied

who? spencer reid x bau!reader (no use of y/n, called cupcake by morgan) content warnings: a little making out and a little foreplay, doesn't really get past that word count: 1.6k songs: say when by the fray a/n: i really struggled balacing the line between banter and bullying for derek and spencer, but consider it early seasons where derek doesn't know where to draw the line <3

They weren't even supposed to be working today, but it's not like crises come scheduled, and who was to blame Spencer for starting his Saturday morning with a little enthusiasm?

He liked taking his time with his girlfriend (a fact that still felt unreal to him, the word itself felt so strange in his mouth), kissing every inch of her. She was like poetry. Everything about her drew Spencer to her. He took her all in - every breath, every movement, the way she arched up into him. His girlfriend. He still wasn’t entirely used to the concept, but that was what he enjoyed about this slow Saturday morning. He had time to memorise every inch, his fingers gently tracing over her skin.

His mouth trailed up to her ear, feeling her shiver, and then a jolt of pain stabbed through his tongue, catching on the back of her piercing. He let out a slight hiss, drawing back. “Ah…” Spencer’s hand lifted, gently dabbing at his tongue, the pain spreading across his mouth.

"What happened?" you asked, looking at him, concerned, tucking strands of hair behind your ear.

“Your earrings…” Spencer ran his tongue over the roof of his mouth, his face twisting at the lingering sting.

You tutted, sitting up. "Show me."

Spencer obeyed, opening his mouth and sticking out his tongue to show her. A small bead of blood pooled in the centre, a testament to the tiny yet rather painful wound.

"Hold on, I probably have some glycerin somewhere," you said, shifting off his lap and towards her wardrobe, rummaging through a drawer.

Spencer raised a quizzical eyebrow at her, slightly amused despite his uncomfortable injury. “What kind of person just has glycerin laying around?”

"The kind who eats pizza too quickly when it's hot," you replied, returning with a small bottle and a cotton bud. "Open up."

Spencer’s mouth curled up in a smile, which was quickly interrupted by a brief wince as she used the soaked cotton bud to apply the glycerin. “Well, at least it’ll taste good this way…” he teased, poking his tongue back out.

You chuckled as you dabbed at the cut, and their phones rang simultaneously, making your shoulders sag.  "With that kind of unity, it must be Hotch."

Spencer grumbled slightly, reluctantly leaving the bed to reach for his phone on the nightstand. “I was hoping for a quiet Saturday…” he mumbled, lifting his phone. Sure enough, Hotch’s name was on the caller ID.

"Ha, no such thing," you scoffed, grabbing your own phone and answering JJ as you grabbed an outfit from your closet.

Talking hurts. In fact, everything that hits his tongue sends a sliver of sharp pain, and so he's uncharacteristically short with everyone, which raises more than a few eyebrows in the briefing.

"No statistic on that to bring up?" Emily asked, her smile teasing and even Derek's got a laugh that he's masking.

"Didn't seem relevant," he said quickly, withholding a wince, and it was like you could sense the danger of getting caught when you brought up a question to Rossi to bring attention back to the case. If only that had gotten the them off his back.

Derek cornered him in the kitchenette, smirking as he sauntered over. "What was that in there? Cat got your tongue?"

On another day, he would have launched into a story of how the phrase originated from the cat o' nine tails, and so saying it meant that you had been flogged into submission, or from the Middle Ages where it was believed that witches would allegedly steal tongues and it transferred onto the black cats that accompanied them as familiars, or that ancient Egyptians who worshipped cats would punish liars and blasphemers by feeding their tongues to cats. Instead, all he said was, "Just didn't feel like it," and continued stirring his coffee.

Derek immediately noticed the lack of a long-winded, completely off-topic, but fascinating rant. And that caught his attention. It was even more suspicious when he couldn’t even look him in the eye, instead keeping his gaze firmly on the coffee maker.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Derek pressed, moving so that he was standing just behind Reid. Derek knew from experience that, if you wanted to prevent him from making a run for it, you had to block his path before he thought to try and escape.

"This kind of behaviour is exactly what gets you in trouble with HR," Spencer pointed out, then winced, his tongue flaring with pain.

Derek’s eyes narrowed as he observed Reid’s face, noting the subtle wince. Something was definitely up. “What’s wrong with your mouth?” he asked bluntly, his eyes now drifting over his face as if they would somehow be able to glean some sort of answer from his expression.

"Nothing," he replied, his voice hitting a higher pitch, a flush colouring his cheeks.

He’s lying. “Bullshit,” Derek said bluntly, his arms folded. “Every time you open your mouth, you wince. So just tell me. What happened?”

"I just burnt my tongue, that's all," he mumbled, hoping Derek would leave it.

Derek’s eyebrows lifted in disbelief. It seemed like a flimsy explanation, and he wasn’t going to let this go. Spencer was hiding something. “You burnt your tongue? How?”

"O-On coffee, I forgot it was hot," he said. God, he should be better at lying than this.

Derek’s frown deepened at his answer. “And you’re sure that’s it? No other reason why your tongue would hurt when you talk?”

"What other reason would there be?" Spencer asked, sipping stale coffee.

Now they were getting somewhere. Derek couldn’t help but notice that his cheeks had turned a light shade of pink. “That’s what I’m asking you, pretty boy,” Derek said, folding his arms across his chest.

"What's it matter to you anyway?" Spencer asked, trying to make his escape.

Derek moved to block his path once again, his eyes watching his friend closely. Something wasn’t right here. “It matters because you’re hurt,” Derek pointed out. “So, just be honest and tell me the truth. What really happened to your tongue?”

Spencer groaned. "I... cut it this morning..." he said, halting and hesitating.

Derek’s eyes narrowed once again at his words, instantly sceptical of his answer. “You cut your tongue?” he repeated, his tone clearly indicating that he didn’t believe him. “And how exactly did you do that?”

"Morgan," he pleaded, protesting.

Derek’s eyes remained locked, searching Spencer’s face for any hint of dishonesty or a lie. “I want the truth, Reid. How did you cut your tongue?”

Spencer's entire neck had become flushed now. "On a piercing," he muttered quietly.

Ah. Derek’s eyes grew a fraction wider, his arms now dropping to his sides as everything clicked into place. That’s why he’d been trying to avoid talking this whole time. “A piercing…” he repeated, a smirk beginning to edge onto his face. “Specifically, whose piercing?”

"Does it matter?" Spencer asked, trying to escape him again and Derek blocked him too easily.

Derek’s smirk widened as he watched Reid begin to squirm under his gaze, and it was clear that he had hit the target.

“Yeah, it does. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so reluctant to tell me, pretty boy.” A thought suddenly occurred to him, and Derek’s smirk curled into a grin as he studied Spencer for a long, calculated moment. “Wait a goddamn minute. Is this Cupcake's doing?”

"No!" he squeaked.

Derek’s grin widened at his reaction, which immediately told him that he was correct. Bingo. “Oh god, it is…” he said, his tone a mixture of delight and disbelief. “It was her piercing, wasn’t it?”

"What! I never said that!" Spencer cried and his obvious fluster told Derek all he needed to know - he’d hit the mark.

“You didn’t have to say it. You just confirmed it,” Derek drawled. “You can’t hide anything from me, pretty boy. And that means you were with her this morning -” He leaned in, his grin widening a fraction more. “- weren’t you?”

"I- You can't prove anything!"

“Oh, this is priceless…” Derek was clearly enjoying this, his eyes gleaming with mischief as he watched Spencer begin to panic.  “So, let me get this right: you were with your girlfriend this morning - on your day off - and, somewhere along the line, you cut your tongue on her earrings.”

"You don't know it's her," Spencer tried to bluff.

“Dude, you’re blushing like a schoolboy,” Derek pointed. “And you’re being so damn defensive. Put two and two together, genius. I’m not judging, Reid, just wondering - how exactly did you slice your tongue on her earring, anyway?”

"How do you think?" Spencer muttered.

Derek smirked, his eyebrows lifting. “You’re telling me that you were making out with your new girlfriend, and you accidentally cut your tongue on her piercings?”

"I'm not telling you anything!"

Derek’s smirk just grew wider, as he could practically see the thoughts swirling through Spencer’s mind. He absolutely loved getting to him like this. “You could have just told me that it was from making out with your girlfriend, pretty boy. I’m not gonna make fun of you for that. Although, I’m impressed that you somehow managed to cut your tongue in the process…”

Spencer groaned, lowering his head in shame.

Derek chuckled in delight, thoroughly enjoying watching Spencer getting all worked up.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, man,” he said, a wide grin on his face. “As long as it was a good time, a few marks here and there are worth it.”

"Can I go now?" Spencer asked, mortified.

“Yeah yeah, alright,” Derek said, still chuckling to himself as he backed off, allowing Spencer to leave. “Have fun with your girlfriend,” he teased, his tone laced with playful innuendo, watching Spencer scurry off back to his desk.