#in time for the show. screams forever
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cool news!! i will be at anime central (ACEN) here in Chicago may 17th ~ 19th, in the artist alley. fitting that my first convention is also now my first artist alley
#acen#artist alley#anime central#acen 2024#dat me#the only bad news is they're still messed up from Bovid so i only got my acceptance email this morning#two and a half months before the con ; o ; so i am now in crunch time. rifp it was nice having moderate free time while it lasted#went from having like... five months to prepare for AMW to One. i need to have everything ordered by april 1st or i might not have it#in time for the show. screams forever#BUT IM REALLY EXCITED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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You must spill blood.
#so uhhhh i just finished s1 of yellowjackets!!! what the fuck!#show of all time#anyways i wanna scream about lottie matthews forever#yellowjackets#fanart#lottie matthews#antler queen#<not a theory just a tag#my art#inkbery#digital art#illustration#procreate
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hello! longtime follower and current 1L - am starting the rounds of the law firms and there's always the "so what practice area are you interested in?" bit. i was curious what that is for you + what you do/don't like about it? iirc, you mentioned something abt being in-house, healthcare related, regulatory side of things? i'm interested in regulatory stuff but not sure if that takes the shape of litigation or an explicitly regulatory-focused practice. found your blog back in the star wars days, then got into silmarillion and the silt verses after seeing your posts abt it haha - hope you're doing well and staying warm!
Congrats! 1L summer is a fun, anxiety-ridden time that mostly involves telling people over and over, who you are and what you're interested in---which can be tricky if you're not sure what you're interested in.
Personally, I went in knowing that I liked healthcare (the field I worked in prior to law school) and that wanted to stay healthcare-adjacent.....but not much else.
I learned I was not destined for litigation pretty much the first time my Legal Writing professor handed back our appellate briefs. (Mine did not have the grade I wanted at the top.) This was compounded by our final project, where we presented in front of real live attorneys and I was a nervous, sweaty wreck. After that, I decided that becoming Atticus Finch was not in my future.
But there are still lots of other kinds of law to practice! I live in the healthcare regulatory space---and I work for a pretty under-resourced company, which means I have lots of contact with other areas like R&D, clinical research, data privacy, marketing and adtech, direct patient care, healthcare compliance, and negotiating between various international laws. Not to mention my scope is always expanding, which is...challenging, but I'm also the kind of person who enjoys spending a weekend reading about Brazilian law.
(One of my guiding stars through the whole law school/job search process was "I don't want to be bored." I am never, ever bored.)
And this wasn't even my first stop! When I was in law school, I spent my semesters interning/clerking at firms, consulting boutiques and government agencies; policy-focused clinics and hospitals and giant corporate behemoths. I've said before that observing all these different settings was valuable, that it gave me a better understanding of myself, how I work, and the kind of work I was looking for. While I won't ever claim that every experience I had was amazing (it was not) it did give me the opportunity to explore, in a way that most adult professionals simply can't.
I mean---look. If you're committed to the brass ring of OCR and a high-profile law firm, then you might have to make this decision now. (Or at least come up with a good answer for interviewers...) But I highly encourage you and everyone choosing that path to keep the other doors open, just a crack. There are interesting things that sneak through when you aren't looking.
#some things rats won't do#here is the nasty awful truth anon. going to tell you here in the tags because it's horrible.#no one can tell you this. the fairy you're waiting for? the one who's supposed to pop out of a bubble and tell you#''yes my child you will be happiest in IP litigation!'' and wave her wand?#she's always late. always. by the time she shows up you've graduated and been practicing and maybe even changed jobs#and she appears out of breath and hungover and will beg cash to pay for the taxi she took from the airport.#and after you guys talk she'll look away and mutter ''well it was supposed to be m&a''#and it will take every fiber of your being not to scream I TOOK THE BAR EXAM 4 YEARS AGO FUCK OFF TINKERBELL#so just pick something that you find interesting and challenging and hope. and if it doesn't work out?#look for opportunities to cross-train. get a certification of some kind. start publishing articles in all the lawyer magazines we have.#nothing is forever. certainly not jobs.
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so I'm finally watching Dead Friend Forever and when I tell y'all the sound I made watching ep03 transcended the sound barrier like after a Very Stressful Day of non-consensual decapitation Tee and Not Tee are running away from haunted mansion: cult by ryan murphy only to get bodied by Thai Ghostface only to be saved by Babygirl White who is channeling the biggest Clerk's I wasn't even supposed to BE here today energy calls them on a 90s walkie talkie like "honey I watched the sus ass video of y'alls missing friend and I'm freaking out cause we fucked in the shower which is horror movie rule no-no number like 6 and Fluke is freaking me the FUCK out that bitch ain't right in the head get your ass back here NOW" and once our Slasher villain hears this, jets, and STEALS THEIR FUCKING SCOOTER he was like zoom zoom motherfuckers!!! straight up roadrunner noises eat my dust and ass losers energy leaving Tee and Not Tee to just stare at each other like "did fucking Voorhees McKrueger just jack our fucking scooter???"
the energy this show has truly
#dff the series#dead friend forever#dff spoilers#no one spoil me I'm only on episode 4#but my GOD as a horror fan I am having an AMAZING time#also this show is nothing like scream lmao y'all played me#chaos pikachu speaks#pikachu's chaotic recaps
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Something useful maybe: TMBTE has the angel (of death presumably) with wings made of feathers, while Euclid has a little dude (maybe Vessel’s Id) holding a knife.
Maybe TMBTE is one outcome and Euclid is another and our protagonist Vessel has to choose — there’s a conflict here.
#Could be something could be nothing but I’m having a shitload of fun working out this puzzle in my enclosure#sleep token#show me how to dance forever#im cooking here but i gotta chunk it out#tmbte always sounds to me like yes he’s realized all these things at the end and thats great amazing#but he punctuates the ending by screaming take me back to eden#like hes not asking anymore he’s demanding#hes standing up to something bigger than himself#so there’s that bittersweetness of recognizing one needs to mourn what was lost and that you cant give what you dont have for yourself#but still the desire the temptation the vore creature the id is saying no but i want to go back i need to go back i will go back#euclid is similarly bittersweet. it’s wrapping up the whole three part arc and it sounds hopeful and nostalgic at the same time#he’s proclaiming he needs to be someone new but yet he keeps returning to the same place as before#is he actually different this time or is it another go around? did he learn the lessons presented to him or did he miss something?#the new album is something new but its also something familiar and old at the same time#very sleep token esque if you ask me
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#<not a theory just a tag#digitalart#procreate#digital art#my art#illustration#so uhhhh i just finished s1 of yellowjackets!!! what the fuck!#antler queen#anyways i wanna scream about lottie matthews forever#aiart#lottie matthews#art#inkbery#fanart#yellowjackets#ai#show of all time
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oh so NOW y'all rushers wanna talk about James Diamond/Jett Stetson and Jo Taylor/Lucy Stone?!??!?!!! NOW y'all wanna go and totally get behind that like it's the next big revelation?!!??? WHERE WERE Y'ALL WHEN I WAS OUT THERE FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE ALONE IN THE FRONTLINES COVERED IN BLOOD AND RELENTLESSLY HERALDING THESE DAMN RAREPAIRS WITH EVERY INCH OF MY BATTERED CONVICTION AND YET NO ONE FUCKIN LISTENED?!?!!!! ISTG I'M GODDAMN CASSANDRA RN FINALLY WATCHING FORETOLD PROPHECIES GET FULFILLED AND YET. THE VINDICATION FEELS ALL TOO LATE AS THE LEGACY I HAVE BUILT IS ALL BUT FORGOTTEN NOW
#THERE ARE 16 JAMES/JETT AO3 FICS AND GUESS WHAT. 10 OF THEM ARE FUCKING MINE. AND COUNTING.#6 JO/LUCY FICS AND 3 OF THEM ARE MINE ISTG AM I GOING INSANE??????? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I AM SO PISSED BRB CHEWING ASPHALT RAWRGRHGD#ok fr i love jocy but it's been around for a while so i'm not taking credit for it. JAMETT HOWEVER. THEY ARE MY GAY HIMBO BASTARD CHILDREN#THE FUCKING WAY THESE IDIOT BOYFRIENDS HAD A CHOKEHOLD ON ME BRO I. HAD TO WRITE ALL THE CONTENT AND DRAW ALL THE ART AND EVEN MADE#QUESTIONABLE SHIT MY ACE ASS REGRETS TO THIS VERY DAY AND FOR WHAT. THEY CALLED ME A DELUSIONAL FOOL FOR IT. NOW HOW THE TURN TABLES#Y'ALL WANNA TALK ABOUT TOXIC HIMBO BOYFRIENDS YAOI????? DO NOT CITE THE DEEP MAGIC TO ME WITCH I FUCKING WROTE IT MYSELF ETC ETC.#I STILL HAVE FIVE MILLION JAMETT DRAFTS WORTH 100K WORDS AND A WHOLE JOCY AU AND I'M TEMPTED TO REVIVE THEM ALL OUT OF SPITE NGL#IT INCLUDES HURT/COMFORT ANGST HAIR FIC AND SECRET BF REBOUND JETT+REPRESSED GAY JAMES FIC AND A WHOLE JAMETT REWRITE OF BIG TIME SURPRISE#EVEN IF ALL MY OLD BTR FIC DRAFTS ARE TRAPPED IN MY BROKEN LAPTOP;;; I'LL GET MY BROTHER TO PRY IT RIGHT OUTTA THERE IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKE#ALSO IF Y'ALL WANT MORE RAREPAIRS HI KENLOS NEEDS MORE LOVE. IDC KENLOS IS FUCKING ADORABLE AND PERFECT AND IN THIS MANIFESTO I WILL#AND DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT KENDALL/JETT OR EW LOGAN/JETT GET. THAT SHIT AWAY FROM ME THAT GARBAGE IS TRULY VILE WHAT'S THAT BROTHER ÆÜGGÖH#I'M NOT EVEN IN THIS FANDOM ANYMORE AND YET. AND YET!!!!!! I CAN'T LET IT SPIT IN MY FACE LIKE THIS!!!!!! MY CLOWN MAKEUP WILL MELT OFF!!!!#(this is all /lh btw. like i'm kinda mad ngl but just @ myself. i had jamett brainrot for the longest time and it corroded my frontal lobes#neway rant over lmao i hope everyone's having a lovely day out there <3 will this mark the return of this shitty blog???? idk djdjfjkxl#i been thinking about it for a bit but idk how welcome my obnoxious cringeass still is in the rusherblr space soooo#files this under: SHIT THAT GOT ME SO MAD IN DACLUB AT 4 A.M. THAT I REVIVED MY WHOLE DEAD BLOG TO SCREAM INTO THE MERCILESS VOID ABOUT IT#btr#big time rush#james diamond#jett stetson#jamett#james diamond × jett stetson#himbo boyfriends#jo taylor#lucy stone#jocy#jo taylor × lucy stone#stop it forever#it feels so weirdly nostalgic writing out those tags again ( ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )#ps. did i spend 30mins making that gif just so i have an excuse to show off my eien ni beautiful pink-haired one truest loml on main??? NO
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finished hera & started lady macbeth and we have got to start blaming women for shit again for real
#this is a joke. but.#if i have to read one more retelling~ that’s just#‘but what if the woman was ASSAULTED ALL THE TIME and had NO AGENCY so everything bad she did was JUSTIFIED or a LIE???’ please stop#when you’re actively taking agency away from women written and portrayed in deeply patriachal cultures you’re not giving them a voice#youre taking the voice they had away.#women worked around and within the patriarchy while having feelings and ambitions and wants and dreams and flaws and virtues forever.#without the necessity of ‘but what if the MAN in her life was just SUPER EVIL and NOT NUANCED and she was just ASSAULTED’#what if no women wanted anything but SAFETY ever what if they were never power hungry or jealous or predatory ever themselves?#yes circe did this too if i have to see one more person say ‘oh except circe’ i will scream.#circe is literally like. the worst offender here.#pivoting back though sorry but it also all feels very bioessentialist PRESUMABLY without meaning to but ‘oh men are just inherently evil#with no nuance. nuance is for women and by nuance we mean was just super oppressed and wronged’ is uh haha actually terfy as fuck#good ol lady macunsexmeherebeth who definitely didn’t plot the whole thing to begin with for sure needs to be Given a Voice#i haven’t finished this one yet btw. i like this author’s work on the whole i just think this one is a swing and a miss because like.#this is not a woman who didn’t do anything and who didn’t have a voice.#if you want to show us her perspective in terms of her psychology and her inner workings and how she got to this place excellent wonderful#but not when the answer is just ‘but actually nothing was her fault ever!!!!!!’ like. lol let her want that crown for reasons that aren’t#my husband is abusive.#like oh my god.#same with hera you’re gonna go with the ONE tradition where she didn’t want to marry zeus#and all her rage is just about Injustice and the Patrairchy and not actual envy. okay.#she & zeus were an og most toxic couple of all time but they WERE in virtually all tradition a couple still who had times of reconciliation#and attachment.#like you know. actual toxic and abusive relationships do.#also it completely erased rhea who was actually the character whose story this more closely resembled#(warrior goddess with flop husband she finally schemes against)#instead she just. uh. went away oh no hera’s so afraid of being weak like mama she must break the cycle.#like okay this is the story you want to tell stop superimposing it on mythical entities from thousands of years ago then.#justice4rhea.#okay sorry. end rant.
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seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing
#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident#I straight up forgot#and just didn't show up to the session#my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked#I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up#my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january#I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted#like mentally and spiritually#all the time#my memory and sense of time are both shit#my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason??#I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me#I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir#and yet#idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason#fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly#due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me#aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory#it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever#like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype#but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here#doing whatever this is#maybe I should drive out to the coast#maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long#I mean it can't make me worse#I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark#everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone
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new favorite Black Bulls shots dropped 🤍🖤
#respectfully waiting for the movie#I miss them#It’s missing bbs hours#black clover#black clover movie#black clover spoilers#crying shaking screaming#I need them to have at least 2-3 minutes just flexing & teaming up#the thing they could do if they’re allowed to show more creative team ups & union spells…#I also need more 5 minutes just of them hanging out it’s been forever since they were allowed to relax & have family time in the base
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liv mckenzie really had the worst 3 days of her life and then died 😭
#fine ass ex stalking her. fine ass ex shows up at the bar n tries to fight her man n gets them all kicked out#then gets STABBED in the parking lot#mindy on her ass for zero reason#like the only other person besides chad who fw her in this group aint even there although i mean. tara has a very good reason for that 😭#tries to get freaky w her man at the Fly High Wes Function and gets curved bc chad is so stupid (affectionate)#AND she cant even get a ride home#killer allegations twice in one night#between those she finds chad like damn near dead in the yard#tries to get him help and dont nobody even believe her 😭#and then she just gets SHOT#girl im so sorry like 😭#liv babygirl u lived just as u died#being in exactly the wrong place at the wrong time w the wrong ppl always and forever#ceci speaks#scream liveblog
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almost 4am can't stop thinking about the meaning of the idiom 'to have blood on [someone's] hands'—to be responsible for a person's death—combined with the fact that Zach is the one we are specifically shown with Daryl's actual blood on his hands (once for real and once in a dream)... Not Josh who had been holding the sword Daryl fell onto, but Zach who took the sword out.
#super dark times#+ part of it that's insane to me is: Josh COULD have easily ALSO gotten (literal) blood on his hands—we see him go to check for a pulse#after Zach did... but we don't see his hands during that—they're left out of the shot! we just see his face. and when we see his hands next#there's no visible blood on them (if any got on he theoretically wiped 'em off ig? similarly Zach's hands when seen AFTER the shot of him#touching Daryl ALSO don't rlly show blood anymore—we see his hands in the leaves tho so it prob went there) BUT SO there was a CHOICE made#to give us a close up shot of ZACH pulling his hand away from the wound with blood on it... but to NOT do the same/smthn similar with Josh.#and yet ZACH is the one who CAN'T ACCEPT THE ROLE HE PLAYED IN ANY OF ITTTTT!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!#this post brought to you by me rewatching the Zach + Charlie on the phone scene and needing to just. stop and scream at Zach being#like 'Josh‚ or fucking somebody else‚ they went up there and if they found Daryl alive—' LIKE BRO. YOU *KNOW* HE WAS DEAD.#YOU KNOW. YOU KNOOOOW. YOU WERE THERE. YOU KNOW HE WAS ALREADY DEAD. the denial. the trying to find any fucking way that#there could be even a sliver of a possibility that it WASN'T even PARTIALLY his fault.... shifting the blame entirely onto Josh...#[plus like. the 'somebody else' only added in after Charlie was giving him shit for trying to complicate this more—at first he was#straight up saying Josh was the one that fucked with the body]... aghghghsfd he makes me INSANE#also fwiw. i'm forever a 'Josh didn't harm anyone on purpose until AFTER his fight with Zach at Zach's house' truther. that provides#at least SOME sort of motivation to push him over an edge into... the shit that happens. anything before that just fuckin' doesn't make#sense. To Me. ive already written a lot on my thoughts about all of that though [uhhh in the tags of my gifset of the fight at Zach's house#anyways. im also NOT trying to say 'ah so we should Just Blame Zach' because nah nah this whole thing was a fucked up accident. they're all#to blame. plus Josh did horrible shit at the end On His Own there's no way of getting around that—but the messiness of how Zach handled the#initial incident and how that ripples out across the whole movie is simply soooooooo... ghghGHGhghGHGhghghgh. To Me.#in conclusion: im soooooooo normal about the characters in this movie (<- lying)
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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haaa
#not really sure how to express all the internal screaming going on rn#i am. Not having a good time :)#so mamy things that need to get done that i Haven't Fucking Done and there's deadlines that need to be met and and and#i don't know what to do#i don't know where or how to ask for help#what do i do. someone please take my hand and show me the way#i feel like i've never learned how to manage anything and i don't know how to start#so much has been removed from my reach#how do i move on from that#anyway#hey beloved mutual who sent me an ask the last time i posted like this#i haven't answered it because i'm keeping it in my inbox and i think about it regularly#thank you#unfortunately i am not doing better since then lmao#but i will forever appreciate your taking the time to send me a message.#i guess i should probably sleep#i've been so fucking tired#i just want things to not suck for once.....#and now i've having Extra anxiety on top of everything#is it from my gaming group? current life circumstances? future horrors? all of the above tbh#auuuuuuughaughaughaugh#frankly i should probably leave my main gaming group i don't think they're really good for me any more#but what then! what the fuck then!!!!#i don't know.........#silvered words
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how do you get yourself to write about such upsetting topics (mainly the fascism/bigotry) without getting upset yourself?
Oh, but I do get upset. I don't write like a detached, passive observer. The trick isn't to not get angry at all, it's to channel it into something constructive.
#That's me though#Know yourself and your limits. If you can't write about something without hurting yourself then don't do that#But anger and self harm are two different things#But I get upset all the time about what I read and write. I just try to act in good taste about what shows up in my work#Sometimes I'm angry#Sometimes I'm uncomfortable. But I push through it because I feel better when I talk about it#And I have thoughts that I feel resonate with some people#Art is connection at its core or something#How else do people deal with the rot of the world? Just bottle it up and try not to think about it forever?#I put it into a fake little guy and then scream at him#I think the hardest thing to write about isn't even the heaviest topics it's the abuse#Oh oh wait no it's when a character is feeling guilty#Writing that emotion is fucking excruciating#Especially when they've done nothing wrong but still feel bad#Godddd writing that makes me squirm
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#ai#art#aiart#<not a theory just a tag#digital art#procreate#inkbery#illustration#digitalart#so uhhhh i just finished s1 of yellowjackets!!! what the fuck!#anyways i wanna scream about lottie matthews forever#fanart#show of all time#my art#yellowjackets#lottie matthews#antler queen
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