#in this scene he was brought relief and a sense of validation after years of feeling inadequate...

[borgialucrezia]

— If you create us a kingdom, we will write the book of our future. The future of the Church, of the world we live in will be ours, yours, and your children's. You say nothing? Why do you think we wished you a cardinal? So you would be Pope one day. Carve us out a kingdom, Cesare, and be both king and pope. I am stunned into silence.

[lilbabycee]

georgia // steve rogers ✈️

↳ summary: after a mission, the reader comes back with some serious injuries and steve doesn't know how to handle it.

↳ relationship: steve rogers x reader

↳ word count: 2.9k

↳ warnings: near death experiences, fluff and angst, hurt/comfort, another overused trope

↳ author’s note: more steve for you because i love this man - enjoy! <3

You’re curled on one of the sectionals in the common room, watching the sun peek out from a blanket of clouds not unlike the ones that you’re lying under right now. The sky is swathed in purples and yellows and oranges and you take the time to enjoy the unobstructed view from the floor-to-ceiling windows at the Avengers Compound. You can feel yourself sinking into the grey ocean that is the obnoxiously large sofa beneath you and you think that if you drown then this would be a hell of a way to die.

He isn’t speaking to you. He hasn’t even seen you in weeks, harboring a grudge so strong that you think the weight of it could crush even his super soldier body. Leaning the side of your head on the couch, you find yourself momentarily distracted by the picturesque scene in front of you, but then your eyelids droop and you are snapped back to the reality of your situation. You can’t sleep without him and he knows that. After all of these years you still don’t know exactly what it is - maybe a product of the Red Room, maybe years of murdering innocents coming back to haunt you, but you can’t sleep alone. You were used to it for years, not getting more than two hours of sleep - if you were lucky - most nights. But long gone are the days of sneaking into bed with Natasha, because once Steve came along, you didn’t need it any longer.

Steve. You sigh in frustration, one hand wiggling out from underneath the fluffy white blanket to rub at your eyes and run over your face. Maybe you’re being dramatic. After all, waxing poetic about your boyfriend wasn’t going to bring him back from wherever the fuck he was in France right now. Prior to a few years ago, you only had yourself to look out for and nobody else. You had become accustomed to it, doing whatever was best for you and not having to take anybody else into consideration because, ultimately, you worked alone. But then you joined the Avengers, became a part of a team, and then you realized that you were surrounded by people who valued your life more than you did.

It was jarring to say the least, but on top of that, you met Steve. It was instant, the connection that you two shared. There was always a sense of admiration that went both ways, and you brought each other a sense of normalcy in a world that was otherwise chaotic and often unbelievable. You love him more than you love yourself on most days, you find. But his Captain persona has a tendency to spark arguments with the intensity of a forest fire, igniting the fire within his belly but in contrast, you become cold and withdrawn and defensive.

It doesn’t happen often, but when you do fight, the entire compound knows about it and the team is forced to witness the tension between you two for days, weeks. This was especially painful for both Sam and Natasha, as they are both so close to the both of you and they always feel as if they had to pick sides.

You miss him, you realize, when rare tears prick at your eyelids and you close your eyes to try and ward them off. This time of the year is especially hard for you, having to watch families and children and happiness and beauty all around you. You can’t stand it. It just reminds you of all of the things that you decided that you couldn’t have, things that can’t fit into the lifestyle that you have so carefully perfected over the years. You’d been spiraling over the last couple of days, truly spiraling and the only person who had noticed was Natasha. There was so much of herself that she saw in you, having grown up the same way without love and affection and comfort.

Steve would comfort you. He’d tell you that your feelings are valid and that you have every right to feel sad and that you’re not alone in your emotions. He’d come cuddle you and call you baby or honey or doll and kiss you so hard that the whirring freight train of despair on a circular loop in your head would come to an abrupt stop and you’d forget about all of that, at least for some time. But he isn’t here so you’re stuck the way you are: sad and cold and tired and alone.

Your ears perk up and you can sense somebody standing behind you. It’s not Steve - you would know - and you peel your eyes open slowly, turning around regardless, curious as to who else could be up at 7:20 a.m on a Sunday and not training. Your eyes meet green ones and you exhale a laugh. Those verdant eyes are flooded with concern and what looks like a hint of… guilt?

“‘Tasha,” you greet slowly, raising an eyebrow skeptically. “You’re not training. Everything okay?”

“I feel like that’s what I should be asking you,” her voice is soft and filled with that same concern, unnoticeable to somebody who does not know her as well. “How’re you feeling?”

You bark out a laugh again, wincing when you feel the soreness of your throat and idly rub at the smattering of bruises that mar the skin on your neck. You become acutely aware of the deep cuts on your legs and your bandaged wrist, sighing when you remember how long you’ll have to spend in medbay with Dr. Cho to change all of them.

“I’ve been worse,” you shrug, slowly becoming increasingly aware of how every small movement comes with a sharp sting of pain. You were no super soldier: you still healed like a regular human being, although people often seemed to treat you like you weren’t one as a result of your extensive spy training. It’d been weeks now and you still aren’t fully healed, something that frustrates you to no end as you were just about tired of sitting on your ass. “I’ll get over it eventually, but it’ll just take a couple more weeks. At least, that’s what Dr. Cho said.”

“You know that’s not what I was referring to,” Natasha gives you a deadpan look and you hold her gaze because you’re nothing if not stubborn.

You know who else is stubborn? St-

“-and Steve,” she continues. You snap out of your slight daze and focus on maintaining eye contact with her. “I spoke to him and told him to come speak to you - he doesn’t know how bad you’re doing.”

“You know that after Georgia he doesn’t wanna speak to me,” you’re surprised at how soft and resigned your tone is.

“He doesn’t wanna speak to you or you’re not giving him the chance to?”

“You know perfectly well that that’s not the case, Nat,” you shoot her a murderous glare and she smirks, walking around the sectional to sit next to you, lifting a corner of the blanket to sidle up next to you. You drop your head on her shoulder and close your eyes again, feeling a strong pounding sensation at the front of your head. A groan leaves your lips and you bury your face into the redhead’s shoulder.

“Steve is absolutely one of the most stubborn people I have ever met,” Natasha starts slowly. “But he also has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I’ve ever met. You and I both know that for a fact. You have to put yourself in his shoes. Imagine how he felt when he saw you like that, blood pouring out of your head and laying on a table on the quinjet, helpless. If that was him, you know how panicked you would have been.”

---

three weeks ago...

You’d thought that you’d taken all of them out, running next to Sam and turning the street corner back towards the quinjet. This part of the country had been virtually abandoned, a true ghost town. It had taken several hours to fly from New York just to do some recon, even in the quinjet.

Steve and Natasha were running several feet ahead of you, and they had disappeared out of sight, turning another corner, when it happened. It was supposed to be a quick and simple in-and-out, not meant to take any longer than a few hours, so the relief that it had all gone to plan was almost palpable in the air.

That was until a massive man rushed you with a dagger, obviously desperate and probably out of ammunition. He went for Sam first, a swift and split-second stab to the side - a wound which ended up being non-fatal, thank God - and continued to attack him when you jumped on him from behind. You knew that you were out-muscled - the man stood at over 6’5 and was built like a tree - but you managed to get him away from Sam. You were sure that you could overpower him with purely your agility and skill, but he fought dirty. After tackling you to the ground, he grabbed you by your neck in an attempt to asphyxiate you and damn he was strong. You struggled to pry his hand off of your neck, the intense pain making your vision cloudy and your head spin. Taking advantage of your temporarily incapacitated state, he stabbed you in the shoulder and then repeatedly in the legs, crushing your wrist by putting all of his weight on it. You came to the realization that he was trying to get you to lose as much blood as he possibly could, wanting to drag out the experience. You faintly heard Sam struggling to speak into the comms and hoped that Steve and Natasha were coming back.

The man, with a wicked grin on his face, proceeded to smash your head repeatedly against the concrete sidewalk. The last thing that you distinctly remember was hearing Steve’s heavy boots sprint over to where you were.

You were told that after that, Natasha took care of your attacker while Steve carried you back to the quinjet in a panic. Nat was able to help Sam limp there, surprisingly it really was more of a flesh wound and hit no vital organs. You had been in a medically induced coma for four days after your heart had stopped because of the gallons of blood that you had lost. They tried to restart your heart several times and when they finally succeeded, they wanted to make sure that you were healing in the way that you were supposed to be. When you woke up to Steve sleeping, slouched in a hospital chair beside your bed with your hand gripped tightly in his, you gave him a weak squeeze to wake up. He jumped up and immediately started crying while calling for the medical staff.

After you were left alone, Steve walks back in with a far sterner expression on his face than when he first came in. You try for a weak smile, but you are severely concussed and struggle to form coherent sentences so you are not in the mood to fight with your boyfriend. But it looks like he is in the mood to fight with you.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he begins, standing at the head of your hospital bed with his arms crossed over his chest.

You roll your eyes and heave a sigh. “Steve, can we do this another time? I’m really not feeling up to-”

“No, Y/N,” he barks, effectively silencing you. His Captain voice has made an appearance and your frustrations start to arise. You know that this won’t be a quick scolding. “We’re a team. And you have to make decisions that are best for the team. What you did was unnecessarily put yourself at risk when Natasha and I were readily available to help you. Instead of communicating with us, you took on the task by yourself and look where that’s gotten you. I know that it’ll take a while for you to recover from these injuries but I don’t want you coming on missions for another month after your recovery. It’s-”

“Captain Rogers,” you interrupt him, your defensive walls up and your tone frosty. “With all due respect, sir, I did what I thought was best at that moment. I was protecting Sam. I don’t know what taking me off more missions will do for the team, or me, for that matter. I was trying to protect Sam from death-”

“You died, Y/N!” he shouts at you, voice cracking slightly, and your mouth snaps shut. “You died and I saw you die. Forgive me if I don’t want that to happen again.”

He clenches his jaw and his eyes dart around, a sign that he’s trying to avoid tearing up. Your expression has softened considerably and as you open your mouth to speak, he pins you with a glare so fierce that only air comes out.

“You’re off the missions. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

That’s all he says before swiftly turning on his heel and slamming the door behind his retreating figure.

---

Starting to speak, you look at Natasha’s side profile as she stares directly ahead of her: “I know. But he’s acting like Sam wouldn’t have died if I hadn’t helped him. It’s just that I’ve gotten over this. And I’m in pain, Nat. I’m tired. I’m exhausted and my throat hurts and I feel so weak but he’s not here.”

At the end of the sentence, your voice cracks and Natasha’s hand comes up to rub comfortingly at your back. Your body is too busy shaking with sobs for you to realize that Steve just walked in. He sees Nat and smiles at her before his eyes hone in on your fragile - a word that he’s never used to describe you before - body. His smile drops abruptly and he rushes to your side, his stubbornness be damned. Steve had no idea just how badly this had been affecting you, because he was too concerned with waiting for you to come and apologize to him.

“Baby,” he coos softly, gently caressing your cheek. Your head lifts and his heart sinks when he sees your bloodshot eyes and dark bags, coupled with your shaky hands and severe bruising. He hasn’t even seen you in the weeks since the hospital - he took a mission in France with Bucky almost immediately after - and he feels like crying himself when he sees how much the lack of communication has broken you. He’s always considered you the strongest person he knows, untouchable and tenacious. But this, this. It breaks his heart. “Hi, baby.”

You only sob harder as Natasha shoots him a look and stands up, presumably heading towards the kitchen to make herself some breakfast. Steve takes her place after mouthing a thank you - to which she responds with an eye roll - and takes care to wrap his strong arms around you without pressing on any of the more severe bruises.

“Honey, I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I was bein’ hard-headed and selfish and I didn’t even think about how hard my best girl has it. But you shoulda seen yourself, babydoll. I thought I had died right along with you on that table…”

Fuck it, you think as you throw your arms around his neck. Sharp pain shoots through both of your arms but you don’t give a fuck because your Stevie’s here and he’s apologizing (?!!) and he’s so warm.

“Stevie,” you sniff, almost childlike in your need for affection. “I’m sorry. I wanted to help Sam and I thought I could take him.”

He chuckles, pressing a long kiss to your forehead. You close your eyes serenely as his lips linger and he starts caressing the side of your bruised neck with his thumb.

“That’s okay, doll,” he smiles. “You probably coulda taken him and I know it was a tough situation. I just want my baby to feel better. I’m sorry I haven’t been here; I needed to clear my head because I was just so damn scared. My worst fear is losin’ you and having that realized, living through that… I couldn’t bear it. But I’m here now and we can make sure that you rest up. You been sleepin’, sweetheart?”

You shake your head - too fast because the pounding in your head intensifies and you groan - and lean up to press a kiss on his cheek. His cheeks warm and you smile fondly at him, pleased that even after all this time you have an effect on your man.

“Well, we’ll have to fix that, won’t we honey?” he smirks as he easily lifts you up with your arms wound around his neck. He starts striding towards your shared quarters and lays you in the bed. “Cold, baby?”

You nod and make grabby hands at him, feeling especially needy - a side that you could never show to the rest of the Avengers because they would bully you for the rest of your life. He only laughs, whipping off his shirt and joining you in bed.

“Comfortable?” he asks, looking down at you. You snuggle up to his chest - fuck your broken wrist and crushed windpipe - and feel yourself drifting already. You come to realize that this is where you belong - wherever your super soldier is, whatever he does, you know that you’ll love him to the ends of the earth…

...or at least all the way to Georgia.

tagged: @literaturefeen​

[gokubrain]

same anon as before and I kno u say it's fine but like I kinda feel obligated to talk about db cause its db ldnabdb so sorry again but yea!!!! it's so wild that to this day even the official vas for Geta and Goku will make little jokes about the 2 having an immensely special relationship (like that time sabat said vegeta has a goku wig for "reasons") and like even tho those are jokes I get kinda happy from it cause its being acknowledged! and god Goku really was the first person, possibly ever, that vegeta put his entire faith and hope in and even after he died he kept aiming for Goku and brings him up at least once in almost every appearance he's made ever. and Goku wanting him alive (wanting!) so they could have a rematch, which ultimately lead to them having the special relationship they have now just speaks volumes of relationship potential this series hasnt see much of. I know it's kinda nuts but gosh I just feel like those years of when I was super young and thought of how close these 2 have been validated now that I know how to use some sense of critical thinking for this series. toriyama really made characters that could be good gay rep and he has absolutely no idea about it.

yeah omg actually let me tell u smth cool, chris sabat followed me on twitter for a bit and i talked to him in dms about kakavege LOL he said he could totally see a relationship between them !! so that's rly cool

but yeah when the literal voice actors for the characters have grounds to make jokes about them being gay then you know something must be up HAHA

i'm getting a little overwhelmed (/pos!!) so sorry if my following thoughts are a bit jumbled LOL BUT

SAME THO when i was younger i shipped them but as i got older and was able to read deeper into literature and had more experience doing so with other media i was like wow,,, they really truly are gay huh LOL

it's really very fitting i feel like that like. IDK LOL like they're both so similar in terms of like,,, okay okay LOL

i have a hard time putting it into words but fighting is a thing that is very important to both goku and vegeta so the idea that a big major life-changing battle is what brought them together (AND APPARENTLY WHAT TAKES THEM OUT AS WELL ACCORDING TO DBO LOL) is soo romantic LOL AND like. yes god it's so crazy i bet when vegeta heard goku want to spare him his heart just beat out of his chest LMAO LIKE. EVERY TIME I WATCH THE SAIYAN FIGHT I'M LIKE WOW,,, THEY MUST BOTH BE HAVING SOME RLY CONFUSING FEELINGS RN LOL LIKE THIS IS LITERALLY WHERE EVERYTHING STARTS FOR THEM!! this is even confirmed by goku's whole "pls spare vegeta i Must see him again" speech at the end of the fight LOL AND ALSO right after that speech and after krillin spares him vegeta's like "i'll be back motherfucker" which i always interpret as vegeta having mild gay panic and being unsure how to respond to such reckless kindness lol

like i know goku's reason for sparing him is because he wants to get stronger and beat him and vegeta's reasoning for saying he'll be back is revenge and both of those things are true but i can't help but feel like there are some underlying feelings here akin to that feeling you get when you realize you like someone lmfao like. yeah you guys wanna fight again huh? because that fight was unnecessarily homoerotic and you just HAVE to experience those feelings again huh?? okay homos

sorry im rambling a bit but while reading ur anon i was reminded of another very important kakavege scene in the freeza arc where vegeta is fighting freeza and he's about to die but then suddenly goku arrives!! and it's such an important moment for both kakavege and just for vegeta's (questionably written, i know) characterization. to this point vegeta has been listening to everyone else talk about goku, when's goku gonna show up, we need goku to come save us, goku can beat freeza, goku goku goku and i'm sure vegeta was absolutely disgusted by this LMAO LIKE he didn't really get it, but when he's about to die by freeza's hand and suddenly goku shows up i feel like vegeta experiences for the first time this wave of relief that the other z warriors are all too familiar with. like everyone always has to hold out until goku gets there and when he finally does the relief is just absolutely palatable. vegeta witnessed this happening first hand when goku finally arrived during the saiyan arc but now he's experiencing what it's like to be on the other end and have goku arrive in shining armor to save him LOL I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE?? like it's such a turning point for vegeta where he realizes he's actually elated to see goku here at the final hour, even if vegeta does bite the dust here it's obvious that he has faith in goku's ability to kill freeza by his dying speech (WHICH IS A WHOLE OTHER KETTLE OF FISH, HOLY SHIT LOL. VEGETA CRYING AND BEGGING GOKU TO KILL FREEZA?? HE'S SO QUICK TO BE VULNERABLE HERE I'M SURE IT RLY WRACKED GOKU TO SEE HIM LIKE THAT LMAO)

but yea yes, kakavege is very dependent on this concept that goku is actually vegeta's savior and always has been!! he spares vegeta's life the first time they meet and then comes to avenge him in the freeza arc and ultimately vegeta's drive to be better than goku changes who he is as a person and its like. goku is the ONLY one who saw any worth in vegeta, everyone else hated him and wanted him dead LOL SO

TL;DR YEAH I'D SAY THERE ARE SOME PRETTY DAMN GOOD ARGUMENTS FOR KAKAVEGE

[wildflower-alex]

The Job (CH) part 3

As a request, there’s the third part and I kinda feel like I should’ve started a mini series, still evaluating the option, though (thanks  @dirty--heart xo)

Note: as many of us do the same, meaning writing about us with other person, you will slowly get to know my personality and behavior. It feels more personal and real if I expose true feelings and traits, knowing I’m not the only one who feels this way, plus it makes more sense to explore a mind-body relation and to actually write about it, rather than keeping a flumsy, incoherent attitude of the characters. 

Still, I’m not the greatest writer because English isn’t my first language and after a pause of maybe 5 years of not writing it’s kinda hard now.

Part 1 and 2 here and here

She stood up and put the clothes back as a sudden feeling of guilt reached her brain. Her eyes sneaked a peak at his body while he was slowly pulling up his boxers. He truly was a heartthrob, his buff body making him look like a Norse God, way too hot. She felt confused as she realized they had to talk, but about what? Who should say what? What would she answer? And after all, what are they as of now? She unthinkingly sighed at the thought, making him look up at her.

“What?” he asked and she could sense his confusion.

As she realized the gesture, she jokingly said “Nothing” and actually meaning that, because nobody could clear up her min, only her by thinking everything through and analyzing every aspect, gesture, sound and look he threw her. 

He too felt this pressure, of not knowing what to say next. Yet he used his hunger to make a conversation with her.

“Listen, I thought maybe I should... buy you some food?”

“You mean... paying for the services?” she said and instantly regretted it, punishing herself inside her mind for ever saying that.

“God, no! Please, stop being sarcastic... I really meant it... but if you don’t want to...” he replied with a slow sorrow in his tone.

“I’m sorry, I... that’s how I deal with... nevermind, sure, let’s grab something to eat” she said, trying to break the barrier between them. She had enormous anxiety problems and her defense system was sarcasm and expecting the worse, only for her brain to cope with the presumed failure. Continuous traumas reflected on her daily tasks and she was trying to let go of that killing feeling she constantly had and she hardly had a day without feeling so heavy. These thoughts would never leave her mind for the whole day.

“Ok, well... I know a restaurant that has great carbonara I know you’ll love” he replied.

“Oh, wow, I’d love to eat some, they’re my favorite” she smiled at him.

“I know, you’re always talking about it” he chuckled, showing off his puffy cheeks and that bright, warm smile of his.

The ride was short, taking only a few minutes to get to the restaurant. Even so, he tried to talk to her, but they both seemed awkward to actually say something relevant. Instead, he took her hand while driving and placed a kiss on it, making her blush at the new feeling. She took a look at his face, his face turning to look at her too and they both shyly smiled, just like two kids.

“I meant everything I said” his voice broke the silence. She never stopped looking at him, only to lean forward and kiss his hand, too.

Arriving at the restaurant, the scene was pretty poetic. The floors were imitating the Italian pavements, with tall black lamps at every table, green leaf plants covering the walls and giving the place an allure of forest. Only a few tables were taken, people being more engaged in conversations, rather than looking at them. She felt a relief knowing that they actually did not know who he was. Fame was pretty rough and she saw that reflecting on their lives.

After both ordered the food he rested his chin in the fists, making his cheeks to look even fuller than before. 

“So... for how long?” he asked.

She looked confused, but understood his question after one second.

“Let’s say enough time” she replied. The shame she felt that moment could make people deaf if it had a voice. Realizing she could distract the attention from her, he continued.

“I thought you were talking to someone”

“Well” he started and remembered the girl she was talking about. “You know, they’re all the same. I felt she needed validation, maybe even a little fame and I let it dissipate” 

“They all want that now. Hell, everyone wants that from time to time, let’s be real” she said, really meaning it.

“So you’d like to be famous?” he asked.

“Sometimes” she replied and took a sip from the soda the waiter just brought. “And sometimes I want to be invisible and know nothing about anything” she added, making him to raise his eyebrows. “Don’t look at me like that, my minds is complicated”

“I can tell that. So... now what?”

“Now... I don’t know, you name it” she tried to dissimulate, not knowing what to say or to make a fool of herself.

“I mean... we’re working together”

So that was the problem. She instantly took her defensive coat, repelling everything he said.

“I know, that could be a problem. I mean, we can play it cool and pretend”

“Pretend... Yeah, but for how long?”

“I don’t know, until either one of us gets tired of it and I resign” she said.

Her seriousness scared him, what was this all about? He felt attacked and frankly, misunderstood.

“Wait, are we talking about the same thing?” he asked, now his torso stuck to the chair.

“Yeah, it happened once and I’ll try not to make a fuss out of it”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he almost screamed.

“For fuck’s sake, Calum, I know you’re regretting it, don’t continue to shove it in my face, for real”

“The fuck...”

“It’s shameful enough, for real, play it cool” she continued, not paying attention to his expression.

“Are you you serious? Like, dead serious?” he furiously asked, now his arms crossed on his chest.

The music started playing louder and she could hear Beyonce’s “Drunk in Love” play the chorus of it.

“This fucking song” she mumbled under her breath, only to herself, remembering the times she played the song while masturbating with his image in her mind.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing” she replied and slowly made up her response in  her mind. “I know you don’t want anything to do with me, other that doing my job and bursting your ego. I just wish that...” she paused, nodding her head from side to side, a regret showing in her eyes.

“Don’t you fucking dare to finish that” he fumbled. “Babe, what the fuck?” he said, now his voice softer than even and he leaned to take her hands in his.

“Don’t use such words, we’re not babes” she quietly continued.

“Let me get this clear, you don’t want to start... anything? With me, I mean...” 

“I just...”

“Be real. Forget about your mind tricking you. Say it”

She paused, now tears streaming on her face, tears of frustration she couldn’t speak her truth, frustration she couldn’t put words into how she felt, frustration on her anxiety and punishing herself in her mind. She quickly wiped them away, realizing how pathetic she looked.

“Babygirl...” he said. He knew she couldn’t speak and as he looked at her he almost felt angry that such a beautiful soul, inside and out, could have such a defensive system. “Hey” he continued and took her chin between his fingers. “I would like to start something new with you”.

Unfortunately for him, her mind transformed that into a total rejection.

“Love...” he continued and saw she did not change her position, clenched in her chair. He got up and knelt by her side, turning around the chair, so that she could see him. “I promise I’ll be here everytime you’ll need me to speak for you. Please, look at me for a bit”

She finally looked at his eyes, now his tearing up, too.

“I’m sorry I don’t know how to behave around you, I promise I’ll do my best” he continued.

She shyly smiled, stroking his big palms and feeling the weight from her chest being lifted off. “I’m sorry” she finally said.

“Don’t you worry, it’s my fault, too. I know I’m not the greatest talker” he replied.

“I would like it, too” she added, making his form a big smile on his face. They both started giggling, his hands never leaving hers, slowly stroking her knuckles and looking into her eyes.

She was staring at him, seeing a new part of him, one she never encountered before.

“I know it’s already the third, but I also promise there will be less and less days like this. I mean... only the bad part, and more of the previous, you know” he chuckled as she started to laugh loud enough for the people around them to look at them.

“Can you believe we did it in the living room?” he finally chuckled and a burst of laugh left his chest.

She never stopped laughing, but this one made her laugh harder than before.

“I bet...” he started, but his laugh stopped him. “I bet Luke’s gonna be like <<oyy does it smell like dick in here?>> I swear!” he laughed so hard he had to wipe a tear from his eye.

He realized how good of a woman she was, even though she had a lot of work to do regarding her mental health, he understood her and liked her even more. Brains always were his favorite.

Part 1 and 2 here and here

[themuffinbee]

Lore Olympus Novelized, Chapter 3

First Chapter - Previous Chapter

This chapter was a challenge for me since we see Persephone wake up three different times in chapters 4, 5, and 6. So, to keep at least some form of chronological sense, I'm taking parts of the chapter 6 scene and splicing them into chapters 4 and 5. Otherwise, the events would have been all out of order. Hope you all still enjoy it!

Again, this is merely an unofficial fan-adaptation. All plot and dialogue belong to the talented Rachel Smythe :)

----------------------------------------------------

“I need to talk to her,” Hades announced as he straightened his cufflinks. However, his confidence faltered just as quickly as it had appeared. There was one problem with that plan. "But, she's with Artemis--" 

"Who passionately hates you!" Poseidon laughed, clapping Hades on the back. 

Hades glared at his brother. "Wow! Really, Poseidon? I hadn't noticed!" 

Looking back into the crowd, he found the Goddesses of Spring and the Moon laughing and dancing out of time with the music. Somehow, Persephone looked even more radiant when she smiled, the sight of it almost enough for him to feel slightly less sour towards her surly companion. Almost. Two hundred years of Artemis' unjustified grudge had cemented his poor opinion of the Huntress. After all, the whole Orion thing wasn't his fault, he was just doing his job. If she wanted someone to blame, she should look to that asshole brother of hers. Of course, she hadn't taken it too well when he had raised that very valid point. 

Yeah, she was going to be a problem.

"Okay, okay, okay.” Zeus sent a smirk in his direction. “I've got a plan."

Hades kept his eyes on the rosy goddess. "Hit me." 

"I'll distract Artemis. While I'm doing that, you go talk to Persephone." 

"Perfect." 

Oh, that was right. There was a reason why he put up with his youngest brother. It was for times like these when Hades required a more…crafty...solution.

"What do I do?" Poseidon asked, pointing at himself.

Hades cast an uneasy glance at Zeus. Poseidon tended to have good intentions most of the time, but his help was often anything but helpful.

"Errrr…stay here and drink a beer?" Zeus suggested. 

"I'm on it."

Oh, thank the gods.

----------------------------------------------------

"... And so I punched him in the face, and that was that!" Artemis finished her story with a proud grin and Persephone hid a laugh behind her hand.

It had taken a while, but she was beginning to feel a little more at ease among the crowd. She was just another face in a massive swarm of people, which wasn't so bad. Back when she had that accident earlier with the guy and the drink and all that, no one had pointed or stared. Hardly anybody had even spared a glance at her. Everyone here was too focused on having a good time to take note of her, which, you know, made total sense at a party. It had been a relief at the time, but being invisible to everyone around her wasn't great either. 

"Hello, Artemis. You're looking splendid, as always," said a voice smoother than silk. 

Persephone looked up to see Zeus, King of the Gods, standing behind her friend with a hand on her shoulder and a smug smile on his face. Persephone nearly choked on her drink, she hadn’t expected to see him so soon.

Artemis smiled. "Hey, Zeus. Great party!" 

'Zeus?' She called her father by his name? It wouldn't be entirely out of the ordinary with Artemis' personality, but Persephone wondered if it had more to do with Zeus' preferences over those of her friend. 

Weird.

Zeus' smile became an irritating smirk. "Word on the street is your marksmanship is excellent, but your brother's is second to none."

"Says who?!" Artemis' eye twitched and she jabbed her father in the chest. "I want to settle this right now!"

Wow, Persephone had known the Goddess of the Hunt was competitive, but she had never seen her so fired up. Still, this didn't seem like a good venue for an archery competition. Persephone would just have to wait for Artemis to calm down and then...go back to not talking to anyone else, she guessed.

Just then, she felt a hand on her own shoulder as a voice said close to her ear, "Hey, kiddo. Wanna have some real fun?" 

----------------------------------------------------

Hades stalked back to the glassed-in suite, fingers fidgeting like mad with the scrap of paper in his pocket. He should have known. He should have known. The Fates must had decided this would be a shitty night no matter what he did, and for him to have tried to change it was a stupid move on his part.

What was even more stupid was how angry he felt about the whole damn thing. The red hue gathering around the edges of his vision and the bluish glow of his reflection told him his control was starting to slip. All those crystal-clear windows were liable to start cracking from here to Tartarus if he didn't get his shit together. 

"Yeesh, that's a mood," Poseidon said as Hades pushed through the door. "Strike out already?" 

Hades crossed his arms and glared down at his brother. "Worse! I couldn't even find her, it's as if she vanished into thin air!"

He had looked among the throngs of people for a good ten minutes for a glimpse of pink hair or skin, but she was nowhere to be found. The universe could have at least given him the chance to screw things up on his own. Then he would know what her voice sounded like, or if she were as stunning close up as she had been at a distance. Maybe he could have even found out how, in that one moment, she had managed to look even more miserable than him when she had been surrounded by so much merriment. 

And now he might never know. The chances of running into the Goddess of Spring in the Underworld were below zero, and it wasn't like Artemis or Demeter would let him anywhere near her when he was topside on Olympus or in the mortal realm.

Gods, he needed a drink. Where had he put that scotch?

----------------------------------------------------

Persephone's head felt…heavy. She leaned against the back of the couch, her empty champagne glass rolling out of her hand and onto the cushion. The darkened room seemed to spin around her, the music from the dance floor now somehow muffled, yet still pounding against the inside of her skull. 

Where did Artemis go?

Persephone wasn't sure if she had said the words aloud…or even if she had meant to? Wait. Artemis…she had been with Zeus...and he had said something about…archery? And Artemis' brother? And then that was how she ended up here, with…with Eros. Because he was an archer too…and he was telling her about all the couples he had hooked up while she waited for Artemis. But it had been a while, wouldn't Artemis have finished whatever she was doing by now? 

I guess I don't want to be clingy… 

"Another drink?" Eros asked with a smile, holding up a glass. His hand seemed to shift from side to side without ever moving. 

"I feel…I feel awful." Oh, she heard her voice that time, a dragging sound that was too rounded at the edges. That meant she had said something…right?

Parties were supposed to be fun, but this…this wasn't fun. Eros had seemed nice at first, but now Persephone wasn't so sure she liked him. She wasn't sure if she liked any of this. The crowds, the noise, getting ditched by her only friend...she had thought meeting new people and dancing and drinking would make her feel happier, but now… 

Now she felt lonelier than ever. 

Persephone shifted deeper into the couch, her foot knocking over one of the several glasses littering the floor. Maybe...maybe if she propped her head on the cushion and closed her eyes, the room would stop spinning. Better yet, maybe she could just take a nap until Artemis was ready to go home.

Home...

I want to go home. 

But which one? The one on Olympus she had only lived in for two days? Or...or did she mean the one in the Mortal Realm? The one that was so safe it was suffocating?

She felt a gentle pressure behind her back and under her legs, and soon she was moving. Like, actually moving, which was even worse than sitting still and only feeling like she was moving. She was too nauseous to speak, too tired to open her eyes, too dizzy to--

"I'm very sorry about all of this," she heard Eros say into her ear, yet he sounded so far away. "But, as far as I'm concerned, Aphrodite's word is law." 

After that, there was only blessed, lonely darkness. 

----------------------------------------------------

Petals sprang from Persephone’s hands as she splashed botanical colors across the hillsides. Roses, crocuses, narcissus, larkspur, lilies, all scattered in a beautiful, chaotic collage through endless fields of green.

“Persephone!” a familiar voice called. “Sweetheart, come here!”

“I’m just finishing up, Mama!” The last of the petals floated away on the wind, and Persephone wondered what would happen if she followed after them. Could she travel through the air like dandelion seeds, bury herself under the dark earth, and spring back up in a cluster of wildflowers? Over and over again? Drifting further away from everything she knew?

Persephone turned away from the hillsides and ran to her mother, a puffy laurel of dandelions forming on her head.

Demeter, tall and stately in her immaculate chiton, cupped Persephone’s cheeks and bestowed a warm smile on her daughter. “You’ve been working very hard, so I got you a present.”

“R-really?!” As strict and disciplined as her mother was, presents were a rare thing indeed.

Demeter put a hand on Persephone’s shoulder and turned her towards their home. “It’s this way.”

“Oh my!” Persephone brought her hands up to the sides of her face. Sitting next to their house was a massive, domed structure of curling wrought iron, whitewashed columns, and panels of gleaming glass. “Is this greenhouse really for me?”

“Absolutely, you’ve earned it.” Her mother leaned towards her with another smile, lilac strands of hair falling in elegant streams over her shoulders. “Don’t just stare at it. Have a look inside!”

Persephone giggled, unable to contain her overflowing joy, and ran through the doors. It was just as lovely on the inside with sunlight filtering into patterns on the ground and the familiar scent of damp earth filling her nose. She breathed in deep to savor the smell, then flung her hands up over her head in one swift motion. Vines of roses climbed up the carved columns, trees sprouted from carefully lined plots and pushed up against the inside of the dome, and blooming shrubs grew in every other free space in a crowd of colors.

Arms crossed in front of her chest, she cast an admiring eye over her work. There was nothing left to do, no more space for her plants to grow. She smiled. “I think I’m ready to leave now.”

She turned on her heel back towards the entrance and froze before she could even take a step. No…that couldn’t be right. Persephone glanced around as her joy transformed into dread. “There’s no door!”

A hot wind ripped through the greenhouse, bringing with it the smell of decay as the cheery, dappled sunlight turned crimson. Her mother stood at one of the windows, green skin bathed in scarlet, wringing her hands while dark shadows pooled under her eyes. She spoke, her tone coddling yet detached, “I took the doors away.”

“Mama, no!” Persephone ran to the window, fingers grappling for any catch or gap along the sill. She looked back to her mother, only to find she had grown to a titanous size, one giant eye peering in through the glass. Tears began running down Persephone’s cheeks as her knees buckled under her, hands going slack against the windowpane. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Persephone, I know this may seem cruel,” Demeter pressed her gargantuan finger opposite of her daughter’s hand, “but it’s for the best.”

“Don’t make me stay in here, I promise to be good!” Persephone’s plea ended in a strangled squeak as her mother’s irises turned dark, melding with her pupils in molten, shifting pools of black. Persephone took a step back, her hand clasped around her mouth so tight that it pushed int her teeth. 

“When you’re in here…” Demeter’s voice came from everywhere and nowhere all at once as it echoed off of the greenhouse walls, reverberated through the dirt, beat from beneath Persephone’s ribcage. Oozing blackness spread to cover the entirety of her mother’s eyes, save for bright, glowing pinpricks of ruby light at their centers, “...no one can hurt you.”

The blackness snapped into vertical slits as her mother’s voice exploded through Persephone’s brain, “NO ONE!”

----------------------------------------------------

A low noise droned in her ears, and it took a moment for Persephone to realize it was coming from her own throat. With another groan, this time intentional, she pulled the covers over her head. Gods, what a horrible dream. But that’s all it was, a dream. Just a dream. She wasn’t trapped in some inescapable greenhouse, her mother wasn’t a giantess, and she was safe and sound in her bed on Mt. Olympus. Everything was fine.

She curled her knees up to her chest and froze. No, everything was not, in fact, fine. Wrapped around her were not the comfy, worn covers she’d had for years, but sheets so smooth that they felt unused. She was also still wearing Artemis’ dress from the night before and not her soft cotton nightshirt. Afraid of what she might see, she peeked out underneath the blankets.

Oh no.

Persephone pushed herself upright and looked around with wild eyes. Shadows clung to every corner of the room, filled with dark, angular furniture and the occasional traditional jar or tapestry. The air smelled sharp and crisp like a clear winter’s morning, and the temperature felt almost as cold on her exposed skin. 

She drew the covers up to her chest. “W-Where am I?!”

Next Chapter

[for-ests]

All My Heart To You: Bobby x Reader

Summary: your life with Bobby 6 months after you two left the show as winners. 

Word Count: 3,272

Warnings: none :)

__________________

Even though your time on love island ended almost six months ago, you would sometimes wake up and expect to find your fellow islanders surrounding you.

This morning was one of those mornings. You wouldn't bolt upright, gasp, or even say a word. But on those particular mornings, Bobby was able to tell what you had dreamt about.

Your eyes fluttered open, immediately scanning the bedside alarm clock that flashed 8:00am. You let out an exasperated sigh. It was the weekend, yet you were still unable to catch up on your sleep. Your life had been an insane whirlwind of excitement. And because if that, not just your mind, but your body refused to slow back down.

Groaning, you rolled over and almost elbowed the love of your life in the face. Bobby's firm and muscular chest was a surprise. When you woke up in the mornings, you were usually alone. He was the earliest of risers. He was usually out of bed and hours into his shifts at work before you were able to function.

"Babe?" You questioned, shocked to find him still in bed with you.

"Yeah?" Bobby asked, sleepily. His eyes were heavy, yet a smile spread across his face. Your boyfriend reached for you before you could continue with your question, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into his chest. "I felt like sleeping in today." He nuzzled the back of your neck, leaving a soft kiss under your ear. From the months he'd known you, he learned it was your favorite spot to tease.

Your soft, delicate fingers interlocked perfectly with his own. If you were honest, you could lay with him like that forever. You found your other half, the man of your dreams. Ever since you had met him, your life had been pure bliss. Bobby truly brought out the best in you. And what was most rewarding was that you could tell you were doing the same for him.

"I'm going to give you a proper good morning wish, my love." He whispered. "You had the dream again, didn't ya?"

You rolled your eyes even if he couldn't see your face. "How did you know?"

He kissed your favorite spot again. "I just know."

Sometimes, you do just know. There's no way to explain the bliss that follows when you meet your soulmate; it is only an experience you need to live through. You and Bobby had been together for almost a year at this point, and you hadn't fought once. Only if you count the rare bickering that was endured when you slightly disagreed with each other's decisions. But that was normal, it was healthy. To anyone who knew you and Bobby's relationship, identified the two of you as the strongest coupled they had known.

From all the attention, also came the money. Yet you were still attending school and announced to the world that you had paid off all your loans and donated the rest of your earnings to charity. Bobby's half paid off 4 years rent, and the rest went into a savings account to help kick-start his dream of owning his own bakery.

A life off-camera was mystical. It was peaceful. You literally had the rest of your life finally in your grasp. One more semester of college and you were going to be the strong and independent woman so many people, including Bobby, knew you were meant to be.

Laying comfortably next to him in your shared apartment, made your thoughts drift to the night he formally asked you to be his girlfriend. You also thought about the night he asked you to move in with him, and the night the two of you first slept next to each other. Every emotion you displayed on the screen was genuine. Everything you had spoken through that microphone was spoken with good intentions.

That's why Bobby fell in love with you. Because like him, you wore your heart on your sleeve. He was just selfish enough to take it for himself. And instead of abusing your love and kindness like others in the past had, he nurtured it.

You felt his hands comb through your hair, almost bringing you out of your reflecting thoughts. But the motions shot you further back into the past, and you remembered how desperately you cuddled up to him the night it was revealed you had made it into the finale. You had slept without him for almost two weeks and tried to hide your jealousy as best as you could when you were sent to Casa Amor. Every time you laid your head down, you thought of him. Carl was unfortunate enough to catch your eye, but not in the way Bobby had.

It was only a distraction. It was only part of the game.

Your infatuation with Bobby had almost been your downfall. There was no way you could pretend to be in love with someone else, even for the sake of the show. You were known for being spirited and tenacious, but when it came to Bobby, your fortifications crumbled to dust.

Though every guy in the villa was kind enough to tell you how they felt, none of them gave you the butterflies Bobby did. Just his touch was enough.

It was what you craved when you shared a bed with Carl, and then Henrik. You pied them off before they even had the chance.

It pained you to have to admit it, especially to the men who tried to turn your head. You tried to make your emotions towards Bobby bright as day, yet on a television show, things became complicated way too fast.

Knowing he had to watch you sleep next to Henrik, was enough to make you assume he had possibly moved on. That week was the hardest for you, yet in the end, it made your relationship with him all the more strong.

You remember watching yourself cry in yours and Bobby's recap when he asked you if you still wanted to be with him. Before you had put up a front, you had portrayed yourself to be one of the guys, someone who was solely focused on the group's well-being before your own.

But Bobby made his vulnerability clear for only a moment, and that was enough to make you sob in front of millions.

"Yes!" You admitted a little too hastily. You covered your mouth in embarrassment, eyes flickering away so you didn't have to glimpse his surprise.

"Why are you looking away?" He asked, eyebrows raised in question. He took your shaking hands in his, squeezing them gently.

"I... I don't know. I thought it was obvious." A sheepish smile appeared on your face. You squeezed his hands reassuringly. "The last thing a bird like me wants to do is come on too strong."

"You aren't!" The Scottish man breathed a sigh of relief, pulling you into his chest. Anyone could see that the two of you were made for each other. Even your heights were perfectly matched. Bobby was exactly one head taller than you, tall enough to rest his chin on the top of your head comfortably. "Nothing makes sense when it comes to you, yet it does at the same time. I've never been so worked up about anything in my life."

Tilting your head up, you got a better look at him. "I honest to God thought I had lost you."

"Never." He held your face lovingly in his large, calloused hands. "I just wanted to give you space. I wanted you to be sure because you deserve everything." His gaze seemed to unfocus for a moment like he was reflecting on something more profound.

Tears slowly rolled down your cheeks, but barely made an inch until Bobby's thumbs wiped them away.

"Why are you crying?" He chuckled. "You have nothing to be upset about."

Your nerves were still present at his heartwarming confession, one that remained convicting till no end. "You were the only man on my mind, even though I tried."

The scene transitioned into you talking with Priya, your closest friend in the villa, until she was voted to go home. The two of you were incredibly different, yet made an interesting match when it came to giving each other advice.

"My feelings for Bobby..." You started, pausing to take a drag of your cigarette. If a viewer had looked close enough, they would have noticed that your eyes were bloodshot. "They scare me."

Priya set her arm around your shoulder and pulled you into a hug. "What do you mean, babe?" She ashed her own cigarette, before leaning back against you.

"Everything here is so uncertain... I'm so scared to admit that I see a future with him outside of this place. I don't want to make myself outta fool on live television."

Priya laughed almost too loudly at your confirmation. "While that is entirely valid, you have nothing to worry about. What you have with Bobby is real, and I think everyone can see that."

Standing on stage in a full-length ball gown, hair professionally done, with millions of people watching-- was still not enough to make you waver when it came to explaining your feelings for Bobby. Even when you were forced to watch others discussing your relationship.

The entire time though, tears threatened to flow. Especially hearing how genuine his compliments sounded, to you, and to others. The recap had portrayed a love-sick Bobby, continually asking the other islanders about what you had been doing, and if you still felt the same.

It broke your heart to see how lonesome he looked when all the girls switched villas. Even the other boys noticed, trying to encourage him to engage in conversation. But it was obvious. Everyone could see it in his eyes. Which was a sharp contrast from his usual, bubbly, and out-going personality.

The scene switched to Gary and Noah in the kitchen cooking dinner for the newcomers. They seemed plenty excited until the topic of Bobby's demeanor came up.

"He's in love," Noah said flatly. "I've had that feeling before. And he's definitely afraid that Y/N will come back with another man. I am with Hope."

"Maybe a little too afraid." Ibrahim piped up from across the bar. "At least you're acting like yourself. I really don't like this side of Bobby, it's making me depressed."

"That's why I'm saying he should try grafting on the gals," Gary added, shaking his head. "That's the point of the game."

"No," Noah frowned, cracking an egg on the skillet beside him. "the point of the game is to fall in love, and he clearly has."

"Let's just hope and pray that Y/N comes back single and untouched. We'll figure out what to do then." Ibrahim shrugged.

"I doubt she'll come back with another lad. She's never flirted with any of us from the start." Gary chuckled, glancing over to where Bobby was sunbathing by himself. "Shes as loyal as they come."

That made both of you smile. You stepped closer to Bobby, fingers intertwining as the scene changed once again.

"I didn't realize how much I cared for you until I lost you," Bobby whispered next to you under the covers. "I couldn't stand to see you with another guy."

"You had a good way of hiding it." You teased, knowing he meant every word coming out of his mouth. That was the thing about Bobby. He never lied.

"That's because I'm supposed to be the cool guy. The one who's always making everyone laugh."

You giggled, burying your face even deeper into the crook of his neck, causing the microphone to become muffled. "Whether or not I'm coupled up with you in this game show, my heart is yours." You promised and fulfilled every single one until the two of you went home with $50,000 cash in hand.

Your favorite recap that was broadcasted to millions of people around the world was the moment Bobby confessed his love for you. He knew it was early, he knew it might be rash, but he said it. And for that, he was more courageous than any of the other contestants. He showed his vulnerability, and you responded with yours in return.

"I knew you were meant to be mine from the moment I walked into that villa." You exclaimed with tears in your eyes, trying to ignore the cameras that surrounded you. "And I don't think you realized how hard I tried to ignore it. But I knew."

Though the sun was near to setting, and there was barely any lighting, tears were still visibly glistening in your eyes. "That's nonsense." Bobby laughed lightly, cupping your face in his hands. "I kept telling myself you were too good for me... and I honestly still think you are. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known, the sweetest, caring... any adjective I can think of." He wiped a stray tear from his cheek, trying his best to hide it from the camera. "At this point, I can't imagine you not in my life. I sound like such a melt but, Y/N... I have fallen head over heels in love with you."

"Wow." Caroline Flack smiled brightly into the cameras as your couple's recap faded into black. "Bobby and Y/N have given me hope that everyone has someone out there for them." You stood next to her, grinning sheepishly, trying to keep your cheeks from becoming too red. You remember internally freaking out about having to watch yourself on camera, time in the villa had grown to feel like real life. The idea of your every waking moment being filmed had slipped your mind. Especially the private ones you shared with Bobby, it was so hard to figure out what needed to stay hidden and what could be shared. That was what you struggled with most in the villa, but logic soon sided with you when everyone realized secrets were never secrets for long on Love Island.

"You lot are such melts." Caroline teased, handing both of you envelopes.

An explanation of what happened next is not needed. The two of you were far too anxious to spend alone time outside the villa that money had come in at a far second.

One look into his eyes and all your nerves vanished. One look into your eyes, and you knew he was never going to leave you. Everything else became mere background noise.

That was another thing about soulmates, the time spent together was never too fast. When you clicked in that special way, you clicked for life. You are still unable to form a cohesive and thorough way to describe how Bobby makes you feel. You appreciated him more than anything else in your life. And you made sure to let him know that in all the ways you could.

"What are you thinkin about?" Bobby's husky morning voice whispered from beside you. You squirmed in reply, not realizing you had fallen silent for a couple of minutes.

"Ah," He continued with a cheeky tone. "I bet it was about how good the sex was last night."

"In your dreams." You rolled your eyes, followed by a solid elbow nudge to his chest.

He groaned. "Literally."

Chuckling to yourself from his excessiveness, you finally gathered the willpower to sit up and stretch your arms. A yawn filled the silence, not a second later, and you found yourself leaping out of bed.

"Coffee or tea?" You asked, throwing a robe over your shoulders. All night long you had grown accustomed to Bobby's warmth, and now it was chilly without him.

"Tea, since I don't work today. Don't wanna over do it."

You raised an eyebrow. "Work? You mean the restaurant, right?"

He snorted, rubbing his eyes furiously with both of his hands. "Yeah, my bad." Bobby paused, deciding to sit up and follow you to the kitchen. "I can't seem to remember that the loan had processed. I'm really getting my own bakery inna couple months."

Turning around, you left him to get dressed. A smile stayed plastered on your face all the way until you were done preparing your morning cup of tea. Words could not describe how proud you were of him for following his dreams.

Small and not as ambitious, Bobby wanted to keep his life simple and sweet. So did you. And what other way than to open a mom and pop bakery in downtown Glasgow only miles from where you attended college.

As discussed on Love Island, You had purchased an apartment with Bobby a few miles away from his parents' house in Scotland, but once the renovations were done with your new gorgeous piece of property, you were going to move in with him upstairs from the store. It was a dream come true.

Bobby entered the kitchen with a groggy expression. "I do have to stop by the shop today and see the contractor off. He assured me the flooring would be finished today."

"Finally!" You grinned. "I can't wait to see it. I can't wait to decorate."

The man you loved embraced you from behind, setting his chin in the crook of your neck as you scrubbed the remaining dishes. "I will most definitely leave that up to you."

"My mom will be stoked to help, as well." You added, sighing as his hands scratched down your sides in a sensual manner. Bobby was never shy to tell you that watching you in the kitchen was a significant turn on. In fact, every time you were in it, you prepared yourself for a load of compliments.

Knowing Bobby, though, most of them were a fistful of jokes. But mornings like these were filled with inappropriate banter and cheeky touching. Touching that never failed to set your heart on fire.

"I can't wait to meet them." He nibbled on your earlobe, almost causing you to drop the mugs you were clinging on to.

"Bobby!" You whined, balancing them as best as you could. "The tea, you bloke."

"My bad." He pecked your cheek, carefully taking the more giant mug for himself. "Thank you."

The two of you made your way back down the hallway and into the television room. Though it wasn't proper behavior, you and Bobby had made it a routine to settle onto the couch and sip a cup of tea before you started your days. The little rituals you formed with him were near and dear to your heart.

You sat cross-legged next to him and smiled, nodding to him to turn on the tv. He obeyed.

"I wonder how much longer it's going to take you to grow sick of me."

"I'm already sick of you." He said with no expression but eyed you from the corner of his eye to capture your reaction.

"Idiot." You muttered and brought the mug to your lips.

There was the briefest moment of silence, but what he said next was enough to make you spit out your piping hot tea.

"Give it a few more months, and ill be so annoyed with you that you'll have a pretty little ring on your finger." 

___

Hi there! Thank you for reading, please lmk if you'd like me to continue. I know the fandom is small but if a few people want more im willing to provide :) xoxo

[girl4music]

Suicide/Self-Sacrifice/Manic-Depression

This may well be my best post yet regarding philosophical theories and artistic interpretations, using the characters and storylines from the show, ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’, as a staple, if I can explain my thoughts and feelings on it well enough. I want to tackle the themes of ‘suicide’, ‘manic-depression’ and ‘self-sacrifice’. Some posts I’ve reblogged on Tumblr have inspired me to write down my take on these subjects, and the situations, circumstances and consequences that follow. This will probably be a very long post, so bear with me. I’ll try to keep on topic as much as possible, as this will be very hard to explain in a way that will not be offending, ignorant or just plain stupid. I want it to come across to people in a positive way!

Callisto:

The character Callisto was introduced in Season 1 and her story was very complicated. It was difficult to understand her consciously and morally for the awful things she was doing, and her reasons as to why she was doing them. Eventually there came to a point in the show where she felt she had nothing left to live for and she wanted to die. This was right after she heard the screams of Xena mourning the death of her son, Solan, in the Season 3 episode, ‘Maternal Instincts’. You see the expression of pure ecstasy on her face, as she had desired this for so long. To make Xena feel the pain and the grief she caused her when she burned her hometown and murdered her family. To give her a taste of the immense torture it had inflicted on her all throughout the years growing up alone and full of revenge, driving her to psychopathy. I’ve said this before, but I could never quite look at Callisto as a villain, as I could see she was so damaged and depressed, that she really couldn’t help becoming the way she did. I feel she was seriously misunderstood, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels this way about her. This scene in the episode was supposed to be her moment of accomplishment and relief. But then her facial expression begins to change to confusion and apathy. She realized it didn’t do anything to cure her condition, it only made her empty and numb inside. She was waiting for the relief to wash over her and for the pleasure to settle into her system and it didn’t. After so many years of wanting to destroy Xena’s soul, she finally got her wish… and it did NOTHING!

What brought her to the point of yearning for death was the fact that she couldn’t feel anything anymore. Not even her hatred for Xena… which was what was motivating her to hold on to her life to begin with. She believed the only meaning to her life was to destroy Xena’s. The delicious scent of fulfillment never came, and she was done with it. From that point onwards she craved oblivion, and unfortunately for her, since becoming a god, that wasn’t possible. The Olympian gods cannot take their own lives. Another must do it or they must get permission from Zeus, as their roles as immortals are important and too valuable to be wasted, according to the king of the gods. This was the fatal flaw in her plan. She wanted to live long enough to sate her vengeance. But what she ended up doing instead was giving herself no way out of her emotional and mental torment. What did, however, relieve her of that, as we see later in the show, was Xena sacrificing herself to save her soul from eternal damnation in Hell. Thus, as an angel, she was reformed and could forgive Xena without question. She helped Eli bring her and Gabrielle back to life, as well as provide her with what she once took from her. A child. A human life, that to which would conceal her reincarnated soul, giving her what Xena once took from her. A mother. Such a beautiful and satisfying end to her story. If she had found a way to destroy her existence, that would have never happened for her, as it was impossible for her to not experience consciousness. No matter which reincarnated body, denomination of the afterlife or alternate reality she was in. Committing suicide would not have helped anything. It would not have given her any kind of respite whatsoever. Suicide was not the answer. Xena’s self-sacrifice was. It was down to Xena to save her, as Callisto was well passed the point of saving herself.

Xena:

Now this is where I need to be very careful because I don’t want to upset anyone who has had personal experiences with losing loved ones to suicide, or give those who might have suicidal tendencies an excuse to act on them. I’m going to try my best to express myself in a respectful way regarding Xena’s story, and whether she was suicidal or not, as some Xenites have pointed out parts of the show where it’s explicitly implied that she was because she had no regard for her own life and felt she never deserved forgiveness. We’ll start off with the pilot episode, ‘Sins Of The Past’, as this is where her story starts after changing her ways and reforming into a heroine for the ‘greater good’. Turning away from her darkness, and her desire to destroy anyone who got in her way of conquering entire nations. We see her riding Argo into smoke-filled areas, where an attack has evidently struck. Her mind occupied with images and sounds of the sins of her past. Remembering all the lives she had destroyed physically and emotionally. She comes across a boy in the wreckage of the village she was passing by and gave him some food before speeding off out of the area. I personally think this scene was a delusion, as the boy was talking about how it was Xena who killed his parents, and that she came out of the sky “throwing thunderbolts and breathing fire.” I believe the boy and the decimated village was real but the experience he was relating was not. So, therefore, I feel it was just her deluding herself with the memories of the horrible things she had done, and the consequences it had on the lives of those she victimized and destroyed.

Next we see her in a wooded surrounding taking off her armor and leathers, leaving her in only her under-shift, and burying them, covering them with soil and leaves. It is here where it is possible she was thinking of committing suicide as we also see her staring blankly, presumably deep in thought at what she was about to do. Contemplating on going through with it, I would assume. Now if we go all the way to the second to last episode, ‘A Friend In Need Part I’, we see her do the exact same thing, only this time, her last look and thoughts were of Gabrielle, walking in the opposite direction, with absolutely no inclination of what she was about to do, which was to allow the army to kill her. We watch her put up enough of a fight to take out as many men as she possibly could, until finally meeting the general face to face as he cuts off her head, in first-person view, with blood covering the camera screen, shocking us all. She was allowing him to kill her as she could have easily stopped him if she had wanted to, as Gabrielle points out later. She evidently was wanting to die. So these parallels definitely allude to her being suicidal and caring nothing for her own life. Only Gabrielle’s and the people who were about to be attacked by Yodoshi’s soldiers. I don’t blame her to be honest. The 40,000 lives she had taken all those years ago would have drove her to that conclusion. Their blood on her hands, if only figuratively, making the decision for her. So considering those scenes, as well as her confession to Gabrielle, in the Season 6 episode, ‘Legacy’, that she was the one who changed her decision to “wanting it to end”, it is very conceivable she was plagued with suicidal thoughts throughout the entire show. And given this theory is accurate, it tells you Gabrielle saved her life without even realizing it from the moment she first met her. That is an astonishing revelation, and it completely changes the tone of the whole show. The thought that Xena could have been suicidal all that time. She was only happy when she was with Gabrielle, who she referred to as her “light” and her “source”. Her reason for existing at all. Therefore, what the meaning of life was for Xena wasn’t a theme of any kind. It was a living and breathing human, who seemingly enjoyed her life and was very peaceful about it to begin with… but was she really? We’ll get on to her next…

Gabrielle:

This is a perspective that might be a little bit of a reach, and there certainly isn’t any reason to make this show seem any darker than it already is from what I’ve talked about previously, but I feel I must include this character in this topic of conversation, as she is my favourite character in the whole show. @brifigy made an enlightening post that I would like you to read:

https://girl4music.tumblr.com/post/168126126575/girl4music-brifigy-girl4music-brifigy

I think @brifigy had a valid theory, and I’d like to elaborate on it to support it. I am quite observant, so I notice things others completely overlook. There are certain traits from Gabrielle’s psyche I want to bring to light to you all, in continuation of @brifigy’s theory. Gabrielle might have been struggling with manic-depression. However, because of her incredible capacity for emotional strength, she was able to hide it from the audience and convince them that she was a happy person, as she so evidently appeared to be from the outside.

You must look very deeply into her character to pick up instances of depression and mania. It is very probable she could have been manic-depressed. Obviously, back then, there was no such term or diagnosis available for mental and emotional disorders. It’s a very relevant and logical perspective to come to, as her character is very layered and complicated. Though, it’s rather hard to pinpoint exactly where it might have been accurate. This is my attempt at pinpointing moments in the show where this perspective makes sense, with my limited knowledge on manic-depression.

The first thing I want to mention is Gabrielle’s insistence to cater to and sacrifice herself for others, both physically and emotionally. We see this side of her right from the start. In her introduction scene, she is shown sacrificing her own life for the health and freedom of her family. The very same event that saved Xena from committing suicide… was also the one where Gabrielle offered her own life to the slave-traders. In fact, throughout the whole of the season we see her constantly doing this for others. Putting herself in harm’s way. Throwing herself in front of strangers. Doing dangerous tasks to prove herself as a responsible young adult, and worthy of being Xena’s sidekick. Bravely stepping up to the plate time and time again to protect and defend others, even with her lack of fighting skill and strength, all the while showing extreme naivety and recklessness.

But what for? What was her motive? Why did she behave this way? Why was she so compassionate and selfless? Well, if you’ve ever met someone who struggles with manic-depression, you will also most likely meet a person who is the most caring, kind and optimistic person you’ve ever encountered in your life, as this person is so tormented by their inner-demons, that they would never wish the same on others, and will endeavor to be a person who will always be there for others, and offer as much help and emotional support as they possibly can. They are usually very empathetic, artistic and adventurous. Always wanting a change in routine and schedule to keep them passionate about life. Always looking for meaning in everything, as they want to be able to give to the world their help and healing. The very thing they do not have for themselves or know how to give themselves. They are also somebody that always doubts themselves, and believes they have more faults than skills, but they express it in such a way where it seems like they’re not being serious. It just comes across as a funny passing joke. Laughing at themselves and their imperfections, but deep inside really struggle with them, and believing in themselves and their capabilities. They give to others what they cannot give to themselves. Pointing out their potential and strengths to lift that person’s confidence and vibration. They talk about subjects that refer to overcoming obstacles and finding the meaning of life. But you never really notice that they’re talking about themselves because they’re just so damn good at putting it into a non-personal way.

If this does not sound like Gabrielle to you in the first season, you haven’t really been paying enough attention, because I can point out many times where Gabrielle has shown these personality and behavioural traits, and not just in the first season either. Gabrielle had an immense evolution, and a lot of what happened to her in Season 3 made her really grow up. She became stronger and wiser because of it. Initially, she appeared to be an overly enthusiastic, loving life, kind of person. But was she just putting on a show? And if she was suffering with manic-depression, (or what has come to be known as ‘bipolar disorder’ nowadays) what caused this manifestation of mental issues in the first place? Childhood trauma, perhaps? It seems like Gabrielle’s first experience of trauma is in Season 2 and Season 3. But we have no idea what was going on before that in her hometown or inside her head. We’ll never know. But what we do know is that Xena saved her, as she confesses that in the Season 4 episode, ‘The Ides Of March’, as @brifigy​‘s post said. It’s as good a confirmation as any. 

Thank you, @brifigy for enlightening us with this insight into Gabrielle’s character. I merely only wanted to elaborate on it and support it. I hope you don’t mind. I’m done! That was long-winded, but I hope you took something from it. It’s a hard topic to talk about, but I thought I’d express my thoughts and feelings on it, thoroughly, anyway. If you got this far, thank you so much for reading. I love my Xenite family. I hope none of you ever take your own life, or put yourself in a situation where you could die, because you don’t care about yourself. You are deserving of so much in this world, and it would not be the same without you. Do not follow Xena!

IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK PRIVATELY… MY DM’S ARE OPEN!

[sixqueendom]

One-Shot: All My Love, Catherine

This one-shot was inspired by this drawing by the talented Zara (@you-need-a-jello-shot). It depicts a sleeping Anne and Kitty in front of a laptop in bed, however before I read the caption the drawing automatically made me think of Cathy and Kitty, so I decided to roll with it! Side-note: I know from doing research that Thomas had apparently asked for Elizabeth's hand in marriage within a month of Henry's death, before being rejected and going on to marry Catherine. I decided to overlook this fact for the sake of this fanfic, wanting to keep focus on Cathy's feelings for him (it's not clear whether she ever knew about Thomas's proposal to Elizabeth). A huge thank you to Blue (@pen-and-a-microphone) for being my dedicated Beta-reader for this fic and for all your help and support throughout! She deserves full credit for Cathy's love letter, which she helped me write in a mix of modern/Tudor script, through looking into Catherine Parr's actual letters. As always, the link to read on AO3 is included below if you’d prefer to read on there.

AO3

Fanfic Masterpost

-------------------------------

Cathy had known it would be a bad idea.

 And yet, here she was, wide awake at 3am, engrossed in an online article. Realising she wasn’t getting much writing done, she’d had every intention of going to sleep, resigning from her desk to the warmth of her bed. That was, until she’d let her mind drift momentarily to the past once more and flipped open her laptop, spurred on by a silent yearning to see their name, to read those familiar words and remember. As if those words would be enough to satiate her grief, to bring her some comfort. Oh, how she regretted her decision now, as a solitary tear trailed down her cheek; that ever familiar ache, that hollow emptiness, forming in her chest.

 It was then that she heard a hesitant knock at the door, as the youngest of the Queens tentatively poked her head in. Kitty knew that she could always rely on Cathy to be awake at this ungodly hour of the morning, and occasionally sought out the writer for solace when she was struggling to fall asleep, not wanting to disturb Anne. 

 “Hey,” Cathy said softly, giving a weak smile as she quickly brushed away the tear, praying Kitty didn’t see. “Can’t sleep?”

 The younger girl shook her head as she approached the bed. 

 “I have never understood how you can sit up reading and writing at this hour…”

 Eyes wide, her heart skipping a beat, Cathy frantically closed the article she’d been reading. 

 But not quickly enough.

 She didn’t miss the flash of concern in Kitty’s eyes.

 “Cathy…”

 But already, even with her head bowed, Kitty could see the writer’s lip trembling, her hands clenched into fists as she struggled to fight the emotions threatening to overwhelm her. As she let out a sob, Kitty immediately slipped into bed beside her, wrapping her in a hug. 

 “I can’t help it. I just…”

 Cathy felt like a schoolgirl, caught in the act. What a disappointment she was. An immense sense of guilt suddenly weighed down on her shoulders and she squirmed slightly at Kitty’s touch, feeling disgusted with herself. 

 “It’s okay,” Kitty reassured, rubbing her arm. “You don’t need to justify anything to me. You have every right to miss him.”

Cathy had to admit she was surprised by Kitty’s mature reaction. Sure, the girl was an adult, but she’d only ever experienced men as predators. Cathy didn’t think Kitty would be able to comprehend how she felt, not about Thomas. But the reaction, though calming, did nothing to quell her disappointment in herself, her frustration.

 “Do I?” Cathy’s face twisted into a grimace. “After everything he did?”

 It was somewhat of an emotional tug-of-war for Cathy, something she found herself constantly fighting with. Of course, undoubtedly she missed him, her true love. Nothing could ever dispel the love she had for him. Yet, that love was something she’d always felt guilty about. It felt wrong, disrespectful even, to yearn for him. Despite showing such care and compassion for her, he’d also committed some admittedly wicked deeds, earning him an egregious reputation with her fellow five Queens, all of whom despised him to varying degrees. If they knew what she was doing, they would be appalled. How could she possibly still harbour feelings for a man who was so cruel, particularly to one specific girl in his care? 

 Yet, despite all that, here was sweet Kitty, being so understanding and impartial. True, she had never had any involvement with him, but surely she felt some discomfort on the subject, given it had concerned Anne’s beloved daughter? Everyone knew she would come to her cousin’s defence. 

 Realising how selfish she was being, Cathy made a feeble attempt to compose herself, exhaling shakily. After all, it had been Kitty who was seeking her comfort.

 “I’m sorry,” she sniffed, wiping away the tears that stained her cheeks.

 The younger girl only nuzzled in closer, resting her head on the writer’s shoulder.

 “Don’t be silly. Your feelings are valid, Cathy. You’re allowed to miss him just as much as you do Mae. You’re allowed to grieve. Just like Jane is about Edward, or Catherine about Mary.”

 Cathy noted how she’d carefully missed out Anne and Elizabeth in a bid to be sensitive.

 “But they were innocent.” Cathy gripped her bed cover, balling her hands into fists once more, gravel in her voice.

 Even soft, kind words couldn’t douse the burning resentment in her chest.

 Kitty took a moment to contemplate. She couldn’t forget that, despite the events that had transpired later, Cathy had been devoted to Thomas well before Henry appeared on the scene. She had fallen head over heels in love with him, yet, upon Kitty’s execution, Henry had found himself requiring another Queen. And that honour - if you could ever call it that - fell to Cathy. She’d had no choice in the matter, unless she wanted a swift exit via the executioner’s axe, in which case, there’d have been no hope of reuniting with Thomas later on whatsoever.

 She’d married Henry to survive. 

 After the King’s death, Cathy had finally been reunited with her love and her life seemed so much brighter, filled with so much promise. They’d started making plans for their future together. But fate had other ideas. Just days after delivering their beautiful daughter, Cathy would succumb to what would later be known as childbed fever, the very same fate that took Jane. Once again, Cathy had been ripped away from Thomas. Only this time, it had been permanent.  

 It was just never meant to be. Life could be so cruel and twisted like that.

 Despite all of this, Cathy hated herself for missing him and their potential future together, all the “what could have beens”. So, she locked herself away in her bedroom, where she searched tirelessly for any information on her little girl, and, like tonight, anything to remind her of Thomas.

 Kitty rested a gentle hand on hers.

 “He may have done some bad things in the past, but it’s not like you condone his actions. Besides, you can’t keep dwelling on what happened; it’s done now and there’s nothing that you can do about it. It was almost five hundred years ago! This is meant to be our fresh start.”

 When the Queens had initially been reincarnated, relations with Anne had been stiff and difficult. Cathy had tried to avoid contact with her as much as possible, distancing herself and trying not to initiate unnecessary conversations, fully understanding her bitter resentment. From the corner of her eye, she’d often caught Anne casting a sharp glare at her, and she’d always thought she deserved it. Eventually, Anne had confronted her, throwing all of her feelings about Cathy and Thomas out into the open, tearing open old wounds. Cathy had acknowledged all the terrible things that Thomas, and she, though unintentionally, had done. Much to her relief, they had called a truce and decided to put their differences aside. Now they had a rather amiable friendship, although deep down Cathy knew Anne would never be able to fully trust her. Not that anyone could blame her. How could she expect her to after what had happened to Elizabeth? What Cathy had allowed to happen?

 That autumn day still haunted her; she could still see Thomas struggling with Elizabeth as they fought over one of her dresses. It hadn’t taken long for him to overpower her, snatching the dress from her grasp and cruelly shredding it into pieces, all whilst the girl sobbed. It made her feel sick now, having stood and witnessed it all, restraining Elizabeth as her husband ruined her favourite gown. She could still hear the girl’s distraught cries echoing in her ears. 

 She’d never forgiven herself.

But it didn’t stop her from missing him. How, when she had served in Princess Mary’s household, they’d exchanged love letters; how’d she’d look forward to receiving them, her heart fluttering as she carefully opened each one, reading his sweet words, over and over. The letters inevitably stopped once she married Henry. Thomas was consequently removed from court and sent away to war. She had desperately wanted to write to him, but it was just too risky. Any hint to suggest promiscuity and she’d be next in line to be executed; she’d learnt that lesson from Kitty’s unfortunate demise. Yet, Thomas had still waited for her. He waited four years for King Henry’s death, to be reunited with her.

 Despite Kitty’s reassurances, Cathy found it impossible to forget, to put what happened aside and focus on her, in the here and now. It was true: they had clearly been reincarnated to have a second chance at life, since each of their previous lives had been corrupted by Henry and his abuse. But with a new life came old memories. They had never faded. Everything remained vivid, as clear as if they’d only happened recently. And Cathy clung to them dearly; she didn’t want to forget. She never wanted to forget the beautiful daughter she’d brought into the world, but never got the chance to see grow up. She never wanted to forget Thomas, his kindly face and sweet letters. She didn’t want to forget the blissful life they had started to create together, before her untimely passing. How could she, when it all made her who she was today? Thomas had shown her what it was to be a true wife, to be loved unconditionally. Mae, her sweet little girl, ultimately made her a mother, albeit for the shortest of time, but also drove her motivation to write and research. With Thomas, she had finally been able to breathe. For too long, she had been silenced by Henry, stifled. Unable to be herself. But Thomas had loved her for who she was.

 Exhausted, Cathy released a weary sigh.

 “I just wish it wasn’t so hard,”

 After a moment, she wriggled free from Kitty’s comforting touch, delving underneath her bed. She lifted up a loose floorboard, revealing a stash of neatly folded papers. Letters.

 As Cathy clutched one in her hand, slumping back on her bed beside Kitty, the girl recoiled a little. She’d already guessed what they were, who they were to and how personal they would be. But to her surprise, Cathy offered her one.

 “I sometimes write to him or Mae when I can’t sleep,” she admitted, her lip twitching. 

 When Kitty didn’t move, Cathy gave a reassuring smile.

 “It’s okay. You can read it.”

 Kitty tentatively took the letter and unfolded it carefully. As she began to read Cathy’s elegant writing, she felt a lump form in her throat.

My Dearest Thomas,

 As Lord Tennyson once wrote: “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. I make likeness with him when it comes to my feelings for you, for I regret not one moment we were together. I was truly blessed by the time we had, though it may not have been as long as we desired. Though, I do ask myself, would forever have been long enough? I don’t think so. I am, therefore, eternally grateful for the time we had, to have been blessed with your love and kindness for so long. 

 Every day I awake to birdsong, and I think of you. How I would rise eagerly as early as the sun, waiting for your letters. Your words, written not only in ink but most truly impressed on the heart, were treasured by me.

 Now, I wake and realise, with most wondrous sadness, that you are no longer with me.

Some comfort I may take through these letters, as they impress upon me a sense of calm, a grounding force amongst a chaotic world. The 21st century is breathtaking and frightening, somehow all together. How fast, loud, and massive the world has become cannot be written, nor relayed in terms you might understand. Yet, the sun still rises and falls, and the stars still shine. I only wish you hither, in my arms, to share in these beauties. 

 I can only pray we are reunited again. This time, I hope it is for eternity.

 All my love, Catherine

 As she read the last sentence, Kitty sniffed loudly, moved to tears. Cathy’s words were so eloquent and beautiful, resonating deeply with her. Quite frankly, it broke her heart. Was this true love?

 She finally got the courage to glance up at Cathy, who was still staring, glassy eyed and longingly, at the letter in her hand. As if she thought reading her words would make them become real. Kitty solemnly rested her head on Cathy’s shoulder.

 “You’ll see him again, someday,” she murmured. “I know you will.”

 At that, she closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep. 

 In the darkness, Cathy nodded, nuzzling close as she finally found peace. 

 She found herself running through sunflower fields, the sun streaming down upon her, the warm heat of summer on her skin, a little girl’s squeal of laughter in the air. Every so often, she caught a flash of a white dress billowing in the breeze; black curly hair in pigtails. 

 “Can’t catch me!” the girl cried with a giggle. 

 As she reached the edge of the field, Cathy stopped in her tracks, holding her breath. Only now, in the stillness, could she hear the birdsong. And there, in front of her, their little girl atop his shoulders, was Thomas.

  Her family.

Finally, she was home.

[wits-writing]

Jojo Rabbit (Movie Review)

Taika Waititi’s latest effort as a writer/director, Jojo Rabbit, has been boldly advertised as an “Anti-Hate Satire.” It accomplishes this through its setting of late-World War II Germany to focusing its humor in on how hate gets normalized and perpetuated, sometimes infecting people at a young age with the added danger that they’ll never learn better. When hatred of an oppressed minority is packaged by a society as a “good” quality to have, it can produce children like the ten-year-old, blonde-haired/blue-eyed Jojo (Roman Griffin Davis) who dreams of growing up to be Hitler’s personal guard and best friend, with Waititi himself as the boy’s imaginary version of his country’s leader.

His societally driven sense of right and wrong is challenged when he discovers a young Jewish women, Elsa (Thomasin McKenzie), hidden in his house by his mother, Rosie (Scarlett Johansson). Jojo’s sense of normal getting challenged and torn down emotionally and literally as he tries to figure a way out of the situation without hurting his mother or betraying his own self-image as an ideal patriot.

[Full Review Under the Cut]

The movie’s framing of Jojo’s dedication to the Third Reich is clarified quickly by the opening credits sequence. Stock footage of Nazi rallies intercut with a sequence of Jojo excitedly running through his hometown on his way to a Hitler Youth training camp, while the anachronistic music cue of “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles plays in German. The boy’s fanaticism is marked in parallel with how a kid might feel about their favorite celebrity. An idea further set into stone by the propaganda posters of Hitler around his bedroom. It sets up Jojo’s naïve view of what his country’s been doing as something not only normalized but idealized.

Jojo’s worldview is the lens most of the movie uses to determine tone. Only a few brief scenes that are completely divorced of his gaze, often with the purpose of communicating the movie’s larger theme of empathy. Jojo’s simple desire in life is to be a good kid, defining that as being an ideal citizen and fitting in with what’s expected of him by his society. Taika Waititi’s performance as the imaginary Hitler the boy confides in demonstrates how his attempts to live up to these ideas are detached from reality, as the figment of the dictator brags about having “bomb-proof legs” and “eating unicorn for dinner.” It’s played into more when Jojo’s tasked with posting propaganda flyers around town and it cuts between the stern face of the actual historical fascist and the goofy smile of Waititi’s caricature. Working towards becoming the perfect citizen of his country at this point in history so their leader will recognize him is the fantasy of adulthood Jojo needs to get over before he can truly grow up.

His growth begins when being a good citizen contradicts being a good son to his mother after he discovers she’s been hiding Elsa in their house. His first reaction is to convince himself its somehow the young girl’s fault for “tricking” his mom. He slowly gets to know her through his comically inept attempts to interrogate her, so he can learn “Jewish secrets.” These interactions between the two involve Elsa prodding at Jojo’s belief in Jewish stereotypes. She recognizes him for what he is, a kid who wants to belong. McKenzie’s performance as Elsa goes through a wide array of demeanors that speak to the pain she’s been through. Going from confident around the mostly harmless Jojo, vulnerable in scenes with Rosie and desperate hide her fear when confronted directly with the danger of being persecuted. It’s complimented by Davis as Jojo witnessing and processing all of this, developing love for Elsa and growing away from the blind patriotism he held so dearly at the beginning of the movie.

Jojo’s development closely ties into his relationships with the two main adults in his life, his mom and Captain Klenzendorf (Sam Rockwell), the man in charge of the Hitler Youths in town. Their attitudes are informed by the movie taking place towards the end of World War II. Each of them sees the writing on the wall for Germany in their own way. Rosie’s comforted by the idea of the war and Third Reich coming to an end. She works hard to be there for Jojo, while fearing he may be too far gone to be brought away from the heinous ideologies of the Nazis. Efforts made in teaching to think of strength beyond the physical and into the emotional make for heartwarming moments of mother-son bonding. The role of Rosie requires Johansson to do some of the heaviest lifting in the movie, as her character forms the core of Jojo Rabbit’s idea of how love can help people save each other and live beyond tragedy.

Klezendorf, on the other hand, is a frustrated marksman demoted to organizing the Hitler Youths of the town after a battlefield injury took out one of his eyes. He sees the oncoming end of the war less as a cause for relief than yet another lost chance at battlefield glory. His infatuation with being a great soldier is a reflection on what Jojo could be if he doesn’t learn to better himself. That desire to fight and die in battle and prove himself is a desperate last grasp for validation from a governing body he doesn’t even seem that invested in at this point. Klezendorf and Rockwell’s performance makes for one of the most complicated pieces in Jojo Rabbit’s bigger picture and how someone ends up feeling about how he’s portrayed by the end could make or break their ability to enjoy the movie overall.

What elevates Jojo Rabbit into something exceptional is how Waititi’s script/direction, the performances of the cast, Michael Giacchino’s score and Mihai Mălaimare Jr.’s cinematography transition the movie’s tone into the final act. Any of the movie’s quirkier elements either fall away or succumb to the horror of war as it approaches and engulfs the town. It’s a shift set into motion by on of the most heart wrenching scenes in any movie this year and that mood permeates the remainder of the picture, accomplished without any character needing to utter a single word. It was this final portion of the movie that took it from an impressive feat of tone management up to that point and made it my favorite movie of the year.

If you like what you’ve read here, please like/reblog or share elsewhere online, follow me on Twitter (@WC_WIT), and consider throwing some support my way at either Ko-Fi.com or Patreon.com at the extension “/witswriting”

[67midnightwriter]

Wait For Me

A/N: Hi. It’s been awhile. To say life has been crazy would be an insane understatement, but here we are. I set aside my writing for the better part of a year in order to focus on the important things, like staying alive, and getting put on the appropriate meds, and a general sense of betterment for myself, and for that I will not apologize. It’s a new year, however, with new goals, and one of those is to write more. I’m not promising it will happen as much as I want, but I am promising you that i’ll try. All of that being said, let’s move forth with this, shall we?

I started this with in intention of it being a quick little one-shot, and it turned into a medium sized one shot. My bad, kiddos. It was started in the beginning of October with the intention of being posted before Halloween, and yet here we are in January of an entirely different decade, and I just finished this an hour ago. Whoops again.

Basically, @impala-dreamer gets on these rants where she asks me to kill her, and this was bore from one of those moments. It fits nicely in the new season without spoilers, so never fear. I hope you enjoy, and as always, please reblog and feel free to flood my inbox with your rants, opinions, validations, and screaming, even if you hate it. Criticism is the best way to learn.

W/C: 2166

Angst, Death

Dean x Beka, Cas x Logan

It was a simple salt and burn, a run of the mill ghost hunt they had done time and time again, an errand to stretch their legs after weeks of research in the bunker.

“Halloween is next week.” Logan’s voice called out through the still night, drowning out the squelch of their boots on the damp ground.

“Yeah, so? You’re a little old for trick or treating.” Beka shone her flashlight over the gravestones, searching in vain for one name amongst thousands. They’d already been at it for a few hours, and the damp air was beginning to make her hands ache.

“Does that make this a festive family outing?”

Beka stopped and shone her flashlight on her friend’s face, simply to be greeted by the signature Cheshire cat grin she had expected to find. “You’re insane.”

“After everything we’ve been through, that’s the line of insanity?” Logan’s laugh rang out across the graveyard, pulling an unwilling smile to Beka’s lips.

“Come on, let’s get this over with. I’m freezing and I want a greasy cheeseburger. With bacon. And mushrooms.”

Static filled the air as Beka turned, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end as the ghost they were hunting flickered into view before her, a large butcher knife glinting in the moonlight from its hand. She tried to swing the iron bar in her hand, but found herself frozen as the spirit closed in. She heard her name from her right, and from the edges of her vision she saw Logan launching herself from the top of a gravestone, a groan falling from her lips as her ankle buckled on the slick granite, lurching her towards the ghost. Her aim rang true, and the ghost disappeared as her fireplace poker slashed through its chest. She slammed shoulder first into a headstone as she fell, and Beka winced as Logan sat up on her knees, her back to Beka.

“You okay?”

“Can you get Cas for me?” Logan’s voice caused Beka’s heart to pound hard in her chest; it was soft, small and quiet, the voice she only used when she was terrified, stumbling into Beka’s room after a night terror. “I think I need his help.”

Beka caught her by the shoulders as she crumbled, rolling her onto her back. Her eyes were drawn to the deep red oozing from Logan’s chest, quickly soaking her shirt, spilling out from a jagged gash. She went into field dressing mode, pushing the edges of the already opened flannel out of her way and pushing Logan’s t-shirt up under her chin. She glanced over her shoulder and screamed for Cas, a sense of relief falling over her as he made his way out of a nearby crypt and began sprinting toward them.

The relief dissipated when she turned her attention back to Logan.

At first glance the wound seemed mostly superficial, but upon further inspection she noticed that she could see the edge of something, just below her ribcage, that seemed to be pulsating and oozing. Her face paled as she realized she was watching the bottom of her best friend’s heart beat. She screamed for Cas again as her hands began to shake, fear freezing in her veins and panic electrifying her skin. She pressed down on the wound, biting her lip at the squelch, wincing as the blood oozed hot and think between her fingers.

“H-how bad?” Logan’s voice was trembling, her face paling, her hands beginning to shake.

“It’s fine. You’re going to be okay. Just a scratch. Superficial.” Beka risked a glance back over her shoulder, adrenaline speeding her heart as Cas seemed impossibly far away.

“Promise?”

“Yeah kid, I promise. Maybe you could even talk Cas into leaving you a nice scar, it’ll be a great campfire story later.”

Beka tried not to think about the slowing heart beneath her palms, or how she could see her breath as she exhaled, or how the hair on the back of her neck was beginning to stand on end as the static once again gathered in the air. She risked a glance up, and saw the target spirit sprinting toward them, butcher knife raised.

She adjusted her position on the ground, putting herself between the ghost and her ailing friend, careful to maintain the pressure of her hands. She lifted her head to gaze at the spirit, rage flaring in her eyes; if she was going to die, she would meet death head on, the same way she faced the world.

Cas erupted onto the scene as a flash of beige in Beka’s peripheral vision, swinging a tire iron flaked with rust the way Beka imagined Babe Ruth swung a baseball bat. The ghost dissipated with an enraged howl, leaving Cas to turn towards the mutilation beneath her hands. Always in garrison leader mode, he was in action, his hands replacing hers and his gruff voice barking orders before Beka could fully process his presence.

“Salt circle. Now.”

Beka looked down, a shock induced sluggishness leaving her body with a physical jolt as she stared at a container of salt Castiel had placed in her hands without her even noticing. Her hands shook, both with intention and without, as she began forming a clumsy circle around the pair, allowing the soothing tones of Cas’s voice to lull her into a false sense of security.

“How bad?” Logan’s voice was now barely more than a gurgled whisper, and Beka knew that the ever paling face with bright blood stained lips would haunt her nightmares for years to come, even if they all made it out.

“Your artery has been severed from your heart.” There were many things Cas was, but tactful was not generally one of them.

“Superficial huh?”

Logan tried to scoff, and the wet coughing that replaced the attempt stole Beka’s attention away from the task at hand. She didn’t trust her tightening throat to allow words through, so she lifted her shoulders in a shrug, attempting to keep the pity out of the sorrow-filled smile on her face. Her friend's eyes widened, and years of companionship gifted her the ability to immediately see the danger in her eyes. Beka spun, coming face to face with their menacing, knife wielding foe.

Beka tried to do three things at once; complete the salt circle, step away, and flick the iron bar in her grasp through the spirit, and failed all three. In her haste to step back, she slipped on the blood-slickened grass, which caused her to lose her balance and fall backwards, thus skewing her salt circle line and rendering the circle incomplete. She threw her hands out in a vain attempt to catch herself, tossing her critical piece of iron off to twang against a distant headstone.

The spirit bore down on her, knife raised as though it was death’s scythe, eyes locking with hers. He opened his mouth and released a bone chilling cackle, but before he could deliver the finishing blow the cackle turned into a scream, and his translucent body went up in an orange burst of heatless flames.

Beka hadn’t even realized some of the blood dripping off the end of his knife had been hers until Castiel’s hand was wrapped around her throat, a rare desperate look blooming in his deep blue eyes.

“I think I got the son of a bitch!” Dean’s voice bellowed from a few rows away.

“Dean!”

The tone of Castiel’s cry brought Dean running. Beka’s train of thought began to feel loose, as though time was both speeding ahead without her, and standing still beside her. She wondered, momentarily, if she would even get to see his face again, as she felt the warm slickness of her blood pumping out from under Cas’s hand to join Logan’s on the grass beneath them.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit.” The word tumbled into the air like it was the only one Dean’s lips could form as he slid to his knees beside her.

“It’s okay Dean, I’m going to be okay.” Beka tried to calm him, but the sentence came out as a gargle. Hot copper replaced the cool flavor of mint in her mouth, and she fought the urge to cough, not wanting to know what her blood would look like splattered across Dean’s face.

She discovered regardless.

Dean’s hand replaced Castiel’s. Memories of the good times he had gripped her neck fought to take her away from the cold, damp night, but she resisted falling into them. She pretended not to see the tears filling Dean’s eyes as Castiel confessed he couldn’t heal them, his voice thickened by worry, sorrow and regret.

Beka forced as much spit and blood out of her mouth as she could without turning her head, blackness creeping all too quickly in on the edges of her vision. “Save her.” She murmured, as clear and loud as she could muster. “I’m ready.”

Dean bit his bottom lip, but was not quick enough to completely hide it’s quiver. He knew better than to argue, and nodded to acknowledge her choice. He bent to press his lips to hers, pouring every emotion he would never let pass his lips into their final kiss. Beka shut her eyes, content to just feel him for a moment, raising a hand to cup the sharp stubble on his cheeks, the bright blue of Castiel’s grace turning the darkness a deep red. She had accepted her death from the moment she had hit the ground, and was content to know that she had sacrificed herself to save the life of her dying friend, even if it wasn’t in the way she had imagined every time they stepped into the field.

Logan let out a gasp, pulling air into lungs that had been still too long with a ragged  wet sound. Beka opened her eyes as Dean pulled away, leaning into the touch of her palm. A cry left Cas, filled with exasperation, frustration, sorrow and defeat.

“I can’t. I’m so sorry, but I can’t. There’s nothing left. I only made it worse, I can’t-“

He broke off with another cry, and Beka tore her gaze from Dean in time to watch Logan lift her own trembling hand to Cas’s cheek, a knowing smile on her face as she tried to comfort the angel.

“Dean.” Beka could feel the cold creeping up her limbs as her tunnel of vision tightened, leaking out through the gaping wound in her neck. Green eyes found hers, searching her face for answers that would never be found. “I hated every stupid western.”

Dean barked a sharp, surprised laugh into the night, tears beginning to fall down his cheeks. Logan grasped for the hand that was still on the ground, and Beka squeezed back, both of their grips weak.

“Wait for me.” She rasped, her eyes searching Beka’s. Beka smiled, turned her eyes back to Dean’s, and let go.

A tear slid down Logan’s face as the hand in hers fell limp. She turned back to Castiel, quieting his murmured apologies with a single uttering of his name.

“Thank you for trying.” Her chest burned, but her limbs were icy, and her eyelids were beginning to feel impossibly heavy. “Thank you for being safe all these years.” She coughed, and Castiel winced. She reached up and guided his lips to hers, pressing a soft kiss to them. “I’ll find you in the next.”

Castiel held her as she slipped quietly out of consciousness, every rise of her chest, no doubt an echo of the stubbornness she had carried throughout life, broke pieces of him he hadn’t yet realized existed. Part of him bitterly wished she would just be still, and he hated himself for it, because his lack of grace and inability to fully heal her was the reason she was slowly suffering, the reason Beka’s dying wish couldn’t be fulfilled, the reason they were failing, the reason the wellbeing of the world was slipping out of their grasp.

Finally, as the damp air turned into a steady cold drizzle, Logan was still.

The pyres had been nothing but piles of cold ash for three days, but fire still raged in Dean’s eyes. The door slammed shut behind Castiel, and he flinched at its sound, though he could not find regret in his decision no matter how deep he searched. The sound of Dean’s shouts still rang in his ears, his soul still stinging with the lashing from Dean’s tongue. Nothing Dean said was foreign to Castiel, but his words still deepened the wounds of failure. He walked toward his truck with a gait leadened by guilt, wishing more than anything for his wings back so he could try and fly away from this place, so he could have one more last chance, so he could win where it mattered the most. Castiel pointed the nose of his truck toward the open road, sharing the cab with ghosts.

Tags:

@impala-dreamer @sculptorofbeginnings @adoptdontshoppets @supernatural-idjit-95 @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 @missjenniferb @tumbler-tidbits @maddiepants @crashdevlin @thoughtslikeaminefield

[esta-metamorfose-ambulante]

Pros and cons of Jane The Virgin over the seasons (in no particular order)

Pros:

An amazingly talented cast.

Overall positive latino representation.

Distinct and interesting characters.

Plot twists that kept the story entertaining.

The Villanuevas bond.

Focusing on the reactions and the human side of the characters whenever something crazy would happen to them.

I’m personally not a fan of Latin novelas because they usually just throw one plot twist after anoter, but JTV used to do a great job showing its characters’ struggles dealing with those events.

Cons:

The love triangle. On season one it was important to Jane’s arc so she could find confidence in being a single mother before marrying Michael, but continuously resurrecting the Michael/Jane/Rafael and Jane/Rafael/Petra was uninteresting, repetitive and tiring to its viewers.

Its representation of black people. Roman Zazo was a killer, who not only killed his own twin brother, but also made Petra have sex with him when he kidnapped her.

Nadine was another neglected character that ended up being killed.

The poor treatment they give to Luisa, who has made terrible mistakes, but is also a metally ill woman that battles addiction. However, she is merely used as comic relief and described as a ‘trainwreck’. If my memories serve me well, the show has used this specific word regarding her, more than once.

Its unreleastic representation of romantic love. In the beginning, Jane was happily engaged to Michael. Then, they broke up and she fell for Rafael. Later, the two also broke up. Eventually, she got over him only to fall in love with both of them in a couple of episodes and almost immediately after she realized it’s always been Michael. Seriously? I don’t think science has a consensus about how someone falls in love, if you can love two people at once or whether you can fall in love with a previous lover after you were over them and in a happy relationship with someone else, but that’s not even the point. The thing is, you cannot trust its own narrative. It’s become repetitive, confusing and incoherent with its previous statements. You can’t even trust on the heart glowing thing, because that happens whenever the characters feel strong emotions with their loved ones. It happened when Jane was holding Mateo after he was born and when the Villanuevas were celebrating Mother’s Day. The only way to have some certainty is based on how the actors’ performances and their declarations, because imo they are even more responsible for developing their characters than the writers. The writers keep moving in circles and the actors need to try to make the best of it and deliver their lines convincingly, but I believe even for them it must be difficult to buy it. Therefore, I take their acting and declarations more seriously, because they at least keep a line of thinking instead of the writers that just go back and forth.

Rose - who used to be an intriguing character - got reduced to a I don’t even know what. She was/is a huge crime lord, but all that potention was thrown way. The show didn’t explore her criminal life at all, only her relationship with Luisa and multiple disguises. Currently, she is back for a mysterious reason, but after four seasons, I believe it’s safe to say she will be neglected as well and whatever she does will be anticlimactic.

The objetification. I don’t get the obsession they have/had with Rafael’s abs and why they would make Petra sleep with every basic/trash white man they introduced. On season three they focused more on Jane managing to have casual sex with Fabian than her book and dream of being a published author. I get that was important for her, but releasing her book was everything she ever worked for her entire life. Ignoring that was disrespectful.

Losing its essence and becoming like every other telenovela: throwing a twist after another, not exploring its effects on the characters and repeating storylines everyone’s sick of.

Not having the characters dealing with their traumas and metal illness or having almost all of it happening off camera. Luisa struggles with alcoholism and an on and off abusive relationship, Rogelio was kidnapped, Mateo was kidnapped, Petra was kidnapped, Petra forced herself to have sex with the man who kidnapped her so she could find a way get out of her captivity, Petra lived with an abusive mother, Petra was freaking paralyzed by her own sister, Petra had postpartum depression, Michael was shot, almost got killed and then he was tortured with eletroshocks until he got amnesia and lost five years of his life and I’m sure there is more that I’ve missed. Still, what do they focus on? Ridiculous love triangles.

Although Rafael is not my favorite character, he and Petra were the ones that had the most interesting potential backgrounds. Petra grew up without a father in Czechoslovakia, Alba always used her as a tool to get by and she left the country running away from a man who attacked her mother. Even in the United States, there is so much they could’ve shown of her before and after meeting Rafael, getting married, pregnant and losing the baby. On the other hand, Rafael could’ve had a journey of self-discovery and found his biological family and finally getting the love he didn’t receive from his adoptive parents. All wasted pontetial as well.

Changing the entire dynamics of the show in order to execute one storyline. To get to a point where Jane chooses Rafael, they had to: ‘kill’ Michael, do time jumps and have the characters almost ready to be together. Rafael basically became a different character, they got rid of Lina so he would be her best friend and even in some scenes that there would’ve made more sense to have an Alba/Jane moment because they both lost their husbands, they made a jafael moment.

Its frustrating depiction of family. I don’t hide the fact I’m a villadero shipper and would’ve loved to see Michael/Jane/Mateo being a blended family. I know I won’t get that, but the twins barely spend time with Rafael. Or they do, but it’s mostly off camera. And that’s not enough. I don’t need fourty minutes of them together or therapy, but it’s important to show that on television. It’s important to show parents giving their kids equal love and attention, just like it’s important to show mentally ill characters getting help. This speaks to the audience and can even change the way somebody acts. Television is powerful. Still, even if Rafael does give the same amount of attention and love to their children, the show doesn’t illustrate that. And that’s one of the reasons why I think Ellie and Anna are basically perfect. So Mateo is the one who is distracted, sad, confused or whatever. And no, I’m not criticizing a kid. But we see Mateo being comforted by Rafael, having Rafael telling him stories and things like that. We get way less scenes from Rafael and the girls and sometimes it is just him saying he will pick them up or something off camera. And I really can’t remember any moment where they were the ones who were vulnerable and Rafael comforted them. Or just them playing and having fun. Not even with him when Rafael was with Jane and Mateo.

Not even between Mateo and the twins. They love to say they are family and I more than anyone know siblings fight, but siblings also love and protect each other. I can only remember one soft scene with the three of them and it was because that was convenient at the moment. But a scene of them playing just for the sake of it, or maybe even comforting or supporting one other would be adorable. Like, have they ever hug? I get that if Rafael and Jane live together with Mateo they will consenquently spend more time together and that’s not a problem. However, the show just executes the stereotype of only biological families being valid and sends the message it’s okay to neglect your other children if you’re not dating or married to their mother.

It also took them FIVE FUCKING SEASONS to show Jane and Petra being friends and having fun. And again, it was only out of convinience. Jane couldn’t decide what to do regarding her situation with Rafael and Michael and no one could give her advice. So she goes to Petra and they drink their asses off and sort of have fun. And that other day when they went to a lesbian bar. They say they’re friends and even family, but certaintly doesn’t feel like it. Do they care about each other? Yeah. Still, it’s like that cousin who lives in other part of the country and you see once a year. Firstly you’re happy, but after they spend a week in your house you realize why you barely see each other or keep in touch when they’re gone. I get they are very different, but everytime they are together they sort of argue. An honest and deep conversation like some that Jane’s had with Lena? I’m afraid it’s never happened or going to.

Total disrespect to their own character, Brett who was generous enough to return while he is part of another show and his fans. Not only they brought him back to play a minor role, but he didn’t even get the respect to have his point of view shown. The man was almost killed, tortured, lost five years of his life, came back to see that everything had changed and felt like a burden, but they don’t actually focus on what he feels? Just as how sad Rafael is? It’s one thing to show both sides, but to only explore Rafael’s feelings as if he’s the one who had it worse is ridiculous and insensitive.

Rafael’s deppression. Again, I don’t want to get technical about it, specially because that’s not my professional area and I could be wrong. The thing is, I don’t think he has depression. I do think he had a lot of shit happening to him and he used to have unhealthy habits whenever he got upset, but there is a difference between getting drunk when you are sad (what almost everyone has or will do once in their lifetime) and having depression. Feeling sad, worthless, suicidal all can be symptons, yes. But there is also not getting any sleep, food or eating/sleeping a lot and more. And I don’t think they show up altogether after one event. Rafael’s had a past drinking when he was feeling low, but that was it. No worthless or suicidal thoughts. No insomnia or sleeping too much or anything else. And that wouldn’t last long. Now I am supposed to believe he has depression? Then actually DEVELOP THAT and SHOW IT TO ME (If A Million Little Things can do a decent job, other shows can too). Don’t get me wrong, I think Rafael might have something, but not actually depression. He sure as hell have reasons to. However, It just seems they threw it so we could empathize with him after the way he treated Jane and root for him. And I bet that will be gone in two seconds once him and Jane reunite. Which leads me to...

The way they insinuated his state was Jane’s fault is disgusting. And I’m sure they will forget this depression storyline once jafael makes up. So yeah, they might have not actually said the words, but the route they took is that it’s Jane’s fault and once they back to their relationship he will be magically healed with their love. Yikes.

Also, the whole Michael x family conflict. That is so LOW. My parents are divorced and their separation was really messy. Despite my personal experience, I’ve seen complicated divorces before and ex-spouses using their children against one another. If Jane ended up with Michael, that wouldn’t make her less of a mother or neglect her family by any means. If anything, Mateo would have a step and godfather who would basically do everything to keep him safe and happy. Mateo would have another person who loves him. Sure, Jane’s priority must be her son, but to give the idea a mother needs to lose her independence because of her child is ridiculous. Mothers are allowed to be divorced, single, marry someone else, have their own time with their friends and even have male and ex-lovers as friends. What makes Jane a good mother is the way she treats her son, the love, attention she gives him. NOT being in a relationship with Rafael. Believe me, I’ve seen some people saying this kind of thing.

Now that Jane and Michael got closure, it looks like he will barely be on the show anymore. Which is wrong on so many levels, because first of all, he was her best friend. Real Jane wouldn’t want him out of her life, but apparently that’s what’s going to happen. And again, it sends a terrible message. She should keep being his friend, talking to him and everything, because being in a relationship doesn’t mean you should lose your (male) friends. And they won’t actually say it, but I don’t see Rafael as the guy that would be okay with Jane being best friends with her ex-husband and therefore we won’t see them interact. Just like we didn’t get Michael to see Jane’s family, that he loved and loved him back. And that’s a terrible message to give to young girls, even if you won’t have it said out loud. Showing it is already enough. The fact some of them are buying it frustrates me. 

Also, like, it baffles me the fact Rafael is getting way with all the ultimatums he gave Jane, the fact he showed no empathy when Jane had the scare of thinking she would lose her mother who is fighting CANCER and he kicked her out of their house the very same night. Or that he turned their son against her or did nothing to get him to talk to Jane again until she called him out. She shouldn’t have to call him out. He is a grown man on his late 30s (or early 40s? idek anymore after the time jumps), he should’ve known better. The breaking point was when he didn’t discipline Mateo for running accross the street, something that could’ve KILLED HIM, just because he was mad at Jane. I get Rafael has gone through a lot of shit, but this doesn’t give him a pass to treat people the way he wants to. Everyone on this show has gone through enough and they don’t behave that way. He might have depression, but he knows when he is wrong. And you can actually see on his eyes when he is talking to Jane that he is defying and provoking her. Just terrible.

The fact Jane is choosing him after all of that pisses me off. If he were still zen Rafael and all, I would be frustrated, but not angry. This gives a really dangerous message for anyone who watches it. Abusive relationships start just like that and even though Rafael never raised a hand to her, that is abusive. Rafael is not a bad person, but he has a lot to work on before he could be with anyone else and for me they don’t belong together. Still, he is manipulative and disrespectul with Jane. And I have enough experience with abusive relationships to say that’s how it begins. Then, they have one conversation and sort of a perfect fairytale phase until the next fight. And media romanticizing this kind of relationship is part of the problem.

Last but not least, the fact Jane will have to FIGHT for this after everything turned something that was already bad into something worse. Not only it’s not worth it, but she is supposed to humiliated herself just because she dared to have feelings and be confused when something totally crazy happened to her? Way to go, writers! That’s how you treat you Latin female protagonist and kill your show. The cast deserved way more, but the writers deserves exact rating numbers they are getting.

So to that troll who said Michael fans were racist for dropping it after he died, there are other reasons why we gave up. Those were things that already bothered me, but I still found the show worth it to keep looking foward to the episodes. And after Michael died, I kept watching it, out of respect for its diverse cast and to give it the benefit of the doubt, but I could only do it until the finale of season 3. I just decided not to waste my time anymore because after 10 episodes it didn’t get any better. For many, Michael was vital for the show. 

Besides Jane, he was the one who interacted with most people. He was close to Jane’s family, Rogelio’s best friend, Mateo’s stepfather/godfather and a detective. After he lost his job/’died’, the criminal aspect of the show was basically ignored.

One season one, he wasn’t with Jane, but he was there and things were still intriguing. Once he was gone, the show changed completely. Characters were written off, time had passed and it didn’t feel organic. And there were a lot of other stuff that kept people from watching it again. The fact you want to bring race for something that has nothing to do with (breaking news! Rafael is white too! Just because your boy has some tan and speaks spanish he is not a person of color) is pathetic. That’s not being woke. Bye.

[helenaklein]

Helena Klein Had Nothing To Prove

"As Aang chose to not kill Ozai so his soul would remain pure, Helena chose to not kill the Witch Queen because she didn’t want to kill anyone anymore"

maybe such an argument would make sense had helena sworn a vow of nonlethal violence as aang had, so that the final decision spoke moreso to the fulfullment of and lasting commitment to an ongoing arc despite the wishes of others, rather than a last minute change that rings hollow when up until the very final confrontation, helena had been killing generals soldiers and cultists. aang's decision was built. it was a decision he was always going to make because it aligned with his actions throughout the series. it proved that not even hatred of his greatest enemy could override his convictions.

but helena? helena, despite her distaste for war and her knowledge that she is so much more than a weapon, never once refrained from killing the people that needed to die, and the people that hurt her. lennox? jinhai? magnus? she didn't even feel completely sorry for killing everyone in her village, angels compared to the witch queen, because of how awful they were to her.

they could have led to this in a satisfactory way, absolutely. but they didn't. had she made it a point to dispose of the generals without killing them, as was done on at least one occasion in both altea and iseul's route, there would have been some precedent, some indication of a desire to avoid killing even in the most severe circumstances. but that is not what happened. that is not where this arc was ever leading.

"and she knew that death was not a punishment to Witch Queen. Honestly, what’s the point of killing her if she’s ready for death, welcoming it ?"

as others have said, it's not about a fitting punishment. the idea of ""punishment"" at all has never been brought to the table in this route. no one cared up until that final moment about punishing the witch queen. they wanted to secure a lasting peace for the realm. they wanted people to be safe from her. punishment is completely outside the realm of what they were concerned with. again, had it been brought up beforehand, perhaps i could have accepted it as an explanation. it wasn't.

"she wasn’t as strongly connected to the LI and her link to MC was barely developped in the other routes. In the end, she was just the physical manifestation of evil that the heroes needed to defeat in order to achieve peace."

blatantly and egregiously incorrect on a basic factual level. "wasn't as strongly connected to the li" literally are you joking? ALAIN? SAERYS? they were connected in different ways, absolutely, and helena had a much more personal nightmare in the witch queen than some others. but to suggest that made her an entirely different monster in helena's route? when alain endured much of the same as what helena did, and saerys was the sole surviving member of a genocide orchestrated by the witch queen? laughable. not to mention the relationship between mc and the witch queen was much more developed in almost all of the other routes than it was in helena's. we knew exactly what mc was, what she was created for, who she was in a past life, the purpose her existence served on a cosmic, in the other routes in relation to the witch queen. in helena's? not so much.

you cannot look me in the eye and tell me honestly that it made more narrative sense for reiner "mercy" wolfson and altea "managed to avoid killing the generals" bellerose to kill the witch queen than it would have for helena to completely and utterly destroy the monster whose mere distant existence clouded her every waking moment the entire series.

"Hell, Helena’s natural magic is about draining things and people around her, THAT’S the reason she believed she was a monster for so long !"

helena's so far past internal resentment of her natural magic that she relied on it for the entirety of the siege on the witch queen's castle, used it to evade her trap's, and literally used that very same magic the take the witch queen's. she knows it's not monstrous. she knows the witch queen, her mother, her village, the soldiers were all wrong. it's just power. suggesting that use of it to kill a literal actual monster would have erased that and turned her into a monster as well is foolish and regressive.

"So what do you think Helena would have felt if she killed the Witch Queen ? Happiness ? Relief ?"

partially, yes. her reaction would have been the mixture of confusing but valid emotions that she already had. next question.

"At proving her abuser right one last time ?! Seriously ?!"

helena klein. had absolutely nothing. to prove. to the witch queen.

she had NOTHING. to prove. she was ALREADY better than her. she was ALREADY more than a weapon. she knows it. she believes it, and has for seasons now. taking the witch queen's life was never EVER going to make her into the witch queen, it was never going to prove her right.

i literally cant believe in 2019 following the wide release one the most empowering scenes of all time involving the point blank statement "I have nothing to prove to you" after a villain's attempt to manipulate the hero into reining her power in and giving him a fighting chance you would come out with such bullshit lmao fuck you.

"And you wanted Helena to do what ? Give the Witch Queen one last opportunity to rub it in Helena’s face that, up until the end, she did nothing but kill ? That she doesn’t know how to do anything else ?"

that's literally what the witch queen already did. she mocks helena as she stabs herself with helena's blades. "you will not walk away from me with your hands unstained, helena klein" is what she says before killing herself. having helena actually kill her would have granted her no more of an opportunity to "rub it in her face" than what the witch queen already took.

again, and i cannot stress this enough. HELENA. KLEIN. HAD. NOTHING. TO. PROVE.

she KNOWS she can do more. everyone that cares about her already knows that. and absolutely nothing about securing safety for her world with absolute certainty could have stained or taken away from that, despite this asinine moralizing.

"Of course Helena wouldn’t kill Witch Queen, because if she did, it would break her. She would have regretted it for the rest of her life."

NO SHE WOULD NOT HAVE. ARE YOU KIDDING. helena didn't even express complete remorse for destroying her village. she's expressed NO regret killing jinhai, magnus, and lennox because of their hand in hurting mc and looking the other way or laughing as the witch queen beat her like an animal.

"She would have never had a chance to prove, to her and to others, that she can win without killing."

say it with me:

HELENA KLEIN HAD NOTHING TO PROVE

"It was her goal all along, to make Helena feel awful with herself for the rest of her life."

great! and she died believing she succeeded! so what was the point.

"Helena gets to live knowing that she is more than a killer, that she doesn’t need to kill to win a fight, that she is better than what the Witch Queen made her out to be. And that is priceless"

I don't know how many times i need to reiterate this but HELENA. ALREADY. KNOWS. an eleventh hour extension of a bloodless end was never going to change that. the confidence she has in herself and the self worth she's established over the course of her route was never going to be taken away from her. it can't be. your take is worth pocket lint and an old gum wrapper, go home.

"she didn’t have the option of making Helena feel awful about it or herself"

she literally did though like she spent her dying breath laughing and smiling thinking she'd fuck helena over one last time. for someone so confident in the strength of the writing in this decision it sure seems you don't know what actually happened.

"throwing her own dignity to the wind... not still cloaked in her dignity"

funny you should mention dignity because helena quite literally tries to offer her that. she tries to tell her it's still intact. let me say that again: they made helena try to extend that shred of kindness to the woman who beat and raped her for years.

"she ran away"

yes exactly you're almost getting it. SHE GOT TO RUN AWAY. after everything she's done. SHE. CHOSE. SHE DIED BY HER OWN HAND WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE THINKING SHE'D GOTTEN THE LAST WORD.

fuck that! it SMELLS.

"the world is going to forget her anyway"

the absolute last thing you want after overthrowing a tyrant is for the world to forget. that's how history is repeated. that's how similar, future cruelty goes unchecked and unrecognized. for helena to say she wants the world to forget the witch queen? it's so, wildly, heartbreakingly disappointing and out of character, given how much she's stressed over and over again her own personal need to remember in order to properly honor what happened before.

helena wanted freedom from the witch queen, and safety for the world she once helped tear apart. willingly forsaking the certainty of those goals that would come with the witch queen's death with the intent to deal out a more worthy punishment for is unacceptable and not helena. at all.

anyway, the witch queen's death sucked, thanks for playing!

[theharellan]

⋆ your favourite DLC, ♡ your favourite da:i companion (not counting Solas)

Dragon Age Positivity Meme | Not Accepting

⋆ your favourite DLC

God if I’ve gotten this one before I’ve 100% talked about Trespasser, but my experience playing especially for the first time was so good? I loved the last chapters of so many of the companions and was excited for those who I felt Bioware left open to reintroduce later in the series. I appreciated how it let the characters have their own lives, leaving to pursue their own goals and growing in the years between it and the end of Inquisition. Even things I’ve not experienced yet, like the Dorian romance, as someone who is in a ldr I’ve long appreciated that the Dragon Age series doesn’t think distance makes something less real, and with Dorian inventing magic Skype to keep in contact (regardless of if it’s romance or friendship) was an extra sweet touch.

I also enjoyed things like Varric moving House Cadash onto the Merchant’s Guild and Cole playing matchmaker for Krem and Maryden. Sera growing up, organising the Red Jennies to be a greater force to contend with rather than making chaos for minor relief and reaching out to Dalish Inquisitors after their entire worldview starts getting thrown into question. I appreciated how I could have my Inquisitor take different roles, Thora becoming a Red Jenny while also helping Thom in their romance, resulting in what I think is a very sweet situation where Thom gets to be with one of his closest friends as well as his lover.

The DLC also approaches interesting questions that I think get ignored in some rpgs, constantly we impose our will onto people by the nature of an rpg and aren’t forced to deal with the consequences. Here we’re forced to examine the morals of capturing a keep on Fereldan land and keeping it, long after we need to. Honestly Teagan was right, even if his hat choice is tragic. It was great being able to take Thora from “I want to keep the Inquisition, it’s who I am and it’s a force for good” to “this doesn’t need to be anymore, and I’ll keep being me without it” after confronting these issues and those brought up by Solas at the end.

I can’t even get into how emotional the last scenes are for me, from confronting Solas and learning the truth to those last few shots of everyone looking to the sky. Like I have a lot of feelings about this dlc I really want to explore one day on my multi with Thora. Idk I got such a sense of growth from the Inquisitor themself that it really put the perfect period onto what was already my favourite Dragon Age game.

It was also a very validating DLC because I managed to be right about my theories for why Solas was doing what he’s doing that I had before its release. I know my luck is probably gonna run out in DA4, but dangit it felt good to be right.

♡ your favourite da:i companion

Don’t worry I wouldn’t have talked about Solas because my blog is more or less a demonstration of who my favourite Dragon Age companion is. Aside from Solas, I think my favourites are Josephine, Sera, and Cole. Since I’m writing Cole now and have reason to talk about why I love him, I’ll talk about Sera because there’s too much Sera hate in the fandom.

Sera can be a very frustrating character, but honestly that informs a lot of the reasons for why I like her. She’s the youngest companion in Inquisition (especially if you’re like me and count Cole as being much older than he looks) and one of the youngest companions in the series iirc, with maybe Carver and Bethany being the youngest at nineteen. And much like Carver, she has a lot of learning and growing to do, and is still very much unlearning a lot of the damage done to her as a child, and learning what that damage even is. The fact that most of her approval comes from simply validating her rather than questioning or refuting her speaks leagues about the kind of life she led before joining the Inquisition.

And since I bought up Trespasser, I do love how her story ends in that DLC. In just two years Sera has done a lot of growing up. Enough that she tries to comfort elven Inquisitors who might be and potentially the one to propose in a romance. In some epilogues (I believe the ones where the Inquisitor DOESN’T join) it’s stated she takes the Jennies from very random, unfocused acts to effective and focused. Even in Inquisition she exhibits a lot of intelligence for who to hit and how, note how the more subtle advisors (Leliana especially) always take her war table missions seriously.

There are problems with her writing, namely in how the Inquisitor is often forced to respond to her even while agreeing, and her writer Lukas Kristjanson has problems writing women imo. I’m mostly ok with his writing for men (Carver, Liam Kosta, Grunt) but I have problems with the way he writes women (Sera and Aveline). I think a lot of what I love about her character could have been done better by someone else on the writing staff, and has been done better in the fandom.

[curioussubjects]

Non-jittery Thoughts on 15.01

Alright, had some time too calm the hell down, so I could have thoughts beyond a keysmash and a crying emoji. Chances are, too, that I’ll have more to say once I sit down with the episode again. Had to get these initial reactions/musings out of the way first.

This episode did a bang up job setting up the personal plot points for tfw. I’m super excited to see where this is going: Dean’s hell trauma revisited, Sam’s wound and its connection to his own darkness, Cas still struggling with belonging, Dean and Cas’s continuous wrongfootedness coming to a head. It’s going to be a killer of a season emotionally, and I am Here. For. It. 

Full disclosure: the biggest chunk is destiel related. In my defense, Dabb & co. didn’t have to enable me, but here we are.

More thoughts under the cut. 

General Thoughts:

My hype was not squashed! We got a really strong season opener and I’m so happy about it. Sure, we got running ghosts. But overall the episode was incredible; just a solid SPN episode all around. A+ job and kudos to all involved ♥♥♥

The new title card is gorgeous and full of meta potential goodness. See this post for more on that; op hit it on the head I think. For additional analysis, there’s this post from different op that is killer.

Opening sequence with tfw fighting zombie ghosts and running for shelter? Amazing. Showstopping. Breathtaking. 

Dean’s grief over Jack that’s embroiled in his grief for Mary. Just. “He was our kid.” That’s some complicated shit right there. 

Gotta love all the tidbits hinting at what is to come during 15.a, at the very least, if not the larger goal of the season. Reading y’all’s thoughts on the episode has been great so far, and I can’t wait to see what else crops up this week.

                                                              //

On Sam: Currently, Sam’s role in the more interesting aspects of the plot continue to not quite match Dean’s, which has been a problem for a while. I’m seriously hoping that changes some with Eileen’s return, Rowena coming in with some banter maybe next week, and whatever weird curse Sam got with that bullet wound. I’m loving the potential and I’m loving the prospect of having Sam brought back to the center of the plot. I missed some more emotional involvement from him this episode, too, but that should be addressed once things calm down and Sam and Dean can debrief. However, we got peak Sam in a crisis and it’s always a treat to see him do his job. Bless. Him telling the clown to shut up made my night. I love him so much. 

                                                               //

On Belphegor: First off, Alex did such a fantastic job. I giggled a ridiculous amount. Instantly invested in the character as bringer of shenanigans. Was not disappointed. Quick deliciously meta tidbits about Belphegor, some of which may not feature in the show, but are still *chef’s kiss* (x):

Moabite deity responsible for fertility and sexual power (in case the ep wasn’t clear on that lmao)

was worshiped in the form of a phallus (so glad that made it to canon jfc)

is a fallen angel??? hello???

he’s the demonic embodiment of sloth, BUT specifically negligence and apathy (i am screaming isnt negligence the whole ordeal with dean and cas atm...and apathy was the problem with jack’s soulessness) 

rules misogyny and licentious men (yeah ok no wonder he was a fan of younger dean oof)

the juiciest: emerged from hell to investigate marriage among humans (and is conveniently in the peanut gallery of dean and cas’s fight. funny how that happens. hilarious, even.) 

apparently after living as a man to experience sexual pleasure he was appalled and fled back to hell where sex between men and women wasn’t a thing i’m??? what?? (yet in the show he seemed ok with hot dudes ayy)

I’m glad my “horny on main” observation turned out to be so on point jesus. Can’t help but wonder how long he’s gonna stick around. His outside perspective is amusing, at the very least. However, the fact that he barely interacted with Sam, but was a lot interested in Dean as well as Cas (though to a lesser extent) makes me think that he’s doing more than just deus exing them out of zombies and ghosts or offering hell exposition. Seems like he going to expose SOME OTHER STUFF. ABOUT DEAN (AND CAS?). He is the “Lord of Opening” after all. And isn’t using their words and being honest the thing we’re all waiting for wrt to DeanCas?? There’s some opening up that is necessary posthaste. Listen, I know I’ve been saying they need a marriage counselor, but this is not what I had in mind. Pretty on brand, though, I guess lol

I’m also really interested about the coding work the character is doing in continuing to queer Dean’s characterization. Belphegor being himself associated with (male) sexuality, and the show clearly focusing on his attraction to humans of the man variety. I wouldn’t even call it subtextual at this point as Belphegor’s interaction with Dean in the car to was really overt. My hopes that the show might actually be explicit about Dean’s bisexuality is uhhhh getting high again *confetti.* Should also maybe at least note that using a demon to do this is probs not like the best strategy, but at least said demon was 1. not skeevy and 2. mostly sympathetic to the audience. 

This is all assuming, ofc, that Belphegor is not catfishing tfw (there’s precedence, after all -- and kudos to anon and op for the timely observations). 

                                                                  //

On Dean & Cas: I think it’s really damn telling that so much space was given to their relationship as like the most important thing going on with their characters? Obviously they have individual issues to deal with (their own struggles with Chuck, revisiting Dean’s stint in hell....which btw also eventually involves Cas too so *hands*), but my sweet baby jesus the validation feels good. Onwards. 

We actually have a weird amount to unpack here because, as others have said, the tension between them is coming from more than just Mary and Jack -- though Mary and Jack are absolutely the main stressors atm as well as emblematic of problems they’ve had for a long long time.  

I’m gonna start with Dean because boy do I love that dumbass; I want to shake him. So we have Dean: he’s grieving Mary, he’s angry, he’s scared, he’s lashing out. It’s a Thursday. We know he’s angry with Cas because he blames him for Mary’s death, even if indirectly. You know what that reminds me of? Dean hating Jack for causing Cas’s death, even though it wasn’t directly Jack’s fault. More importantly, though, both the loss of Mary and the loss of Cas were caused by the same catalyst: Cas going off on his own to solve a problem instead of asking Dean (and Sam, but really, mostly Dean) for help. Like, it’s the one thing Dean has very clearly expressed that Cas needs to stop doing (hi 12x19). It’s the same mistake Cas has been making for years. There was a false sense of security there during seasons 13 and most of 14, but alas. Again, here we have Dean losing someone because Cas couldn’t just come ask him for help. Like. It makes sense, and it’s understandable, despite Dean’s coping mechanisms being shit. In short, Dean’s actual problem with Cas is less that Mary is dead and more that Cas refuses to learn his lesson wrt them being stronger as a unit rather than doing their own thing and putting themselves and others in unnecessary danger. 

Meanwhile, we have a continuation of Cas just being really sad and heartbroken because not only is Jack dead, but he’s once again unsure about his standing with Dean. He wants to protect his family, he wants to protect Dean, he wants to come back with a win; once more, he goes off on his own to do it and it blows up in his face somehow. As much as I loved Cas getting mad at the end of last season, I get why he’s somewhat subdued again. He has his guilt and grief and doubt to deal with. He doesn’t want to be mad at Dean probably about as much as he doesn’t want Dean to be mad at him. So far I’m not yet seeing the return of the spark we got when Cas was defending Jack last season, but I’m sure Dean walking out rattled him beyond the hurt. I wanna see what else happens to make him leave “in a huff” (a bit of spec on this further down). That said, what I’m most excited about is seeing how Cas gets reintegrated into the family -- pretty sure that’s universal lol.

The juiciest part now, though: I was all about the interplay of distance and care that we saw between them; let’s pause here for a quick sec to appreciate how that same interplay has been such a central part of Dean and Cas’s relationship since always like ugh. So much of the larger plot points in the show have also been situations that kept them from being truly partners as well as being constant interruptions on their ability to USE THEIR FRIGGIN’ WORDS AAAACK. We give Sam a lot of flack, but everything has awful timing in this show. We’ve had moments of honesty and vulnerability, but they’re always always cut short before we actually get somewhere; before they arrive at a place where they can talk about their issues. If the “are you ok” scene isn’t a perfect microcosm of that idk what is  /sigh

So, yeah, the “Are you ok” scene oooh boy. I wasn’t as excited as some of you at this scene being an example that Dean still cared, as that was never a doubt I had in my mind (it was definitely a yes omg just talk jesus moments nevertheless). Dean couldn’t possibly just turn that shit off, no matter how much he thinks he’s done with Cas. Like, please.  What we do have is Dean indulging on his own need to know that Cas is, at least, immediately fine. Triage, if you will. Him walking off before Cas can either elaborate, or, most likely, tell him about Sam, is peak Dean passive-aggressiveness. The meltdown I had in the tags of a gifset of the scene is still relevant:

 #cas's little sigh of idk relief???#like he's so sad and physically fine but he's SO SAD and heartbroken#and here's dean finally not just being cold to him and ASKING ABOUT HIS WELLBEING#look at cas's face in tht second gif my heart#you can see him gd relax too i cant#and dean has his fucking check in during a break in the chaos face#im so mad#jdhakjsdfhklsd#and then dean just.........walks away and doesnt actually debrief or help or none of the things he would do#and cas is just...there all vulnerable and upset right before he clams up at the demon's quip#but it doesnt even last look at his damn face as he leaves IM SO#somebody hug him#skldjfhklsajdfa#he needs a dean hug#but noooo dean is being a jackass#this is awful#im not ok#i hate it when they fight#im over it that's enough drama dabb i take back everything i said about loving pain

I’ll definitely have more thoughts on this once we have whatever emotional payload next week.

All in all, I’m not actually concerned about the future of their relationship. They’ve been through much, they’ll be fine. I am, though, tickled that we’ll see these key problems in their relationship reach a point where they have to be dealt with. Also: I can’t wait for the catharsis that Cas leaving is bound to elicit. Both for us, the viewers, and the characters. Besides, Dean needs to go to a corner and have a think about his behavior and if pushing Cas away is really what he wants. And then maybe finally we can get that sweet sweet resolution of an affirmation about Cas’s place in Dean’s life. And in turn an affirmation that Cas does trust their family unit enough to depend on them. 

I think we got a good set up in this episode leading into whatever drama we get in the coming weeks. The tension was up to 11. Love it. Hate it. Personally, I think the empty deal might be what does sets off Cas walking out. Somehow, the deal is not a secret anymore. We have here another instance of Cas making a super important decision that affects The Family on his own and then keeping it a secret (to protect Sam and Dean, a pattern). Dean can be angry and think Cas is dead to him all he wants, he will blow tf up when he learns about this deal. Sam isn’t gonna be thrilled either, though he’s more likely to make puppy eyes of sadness and Disappointment than yell at Cas. Seriously, though, I can just see Dean saying some bullshit because he’s just so done and here goes Cas potentially dying again, which in turn will probably piss Cas off. Etc etc. Cue the violins. 

                                                               //

tl;dr: if episode 1 is any indication, we’re in for a wild fucking ride, kiddos. hold onto your butts!!! 

[luckycheesefoodie321]

I’m about to unleash a LONG review of HTTYD3: The Hidden World RIDDLED with spoilers sooooo... (this is probably trash, it’s been several days since i started this so idk the flow and my thought process was a mess but i better post this now before i forget)

Spoiler free review: 9/10, I did cry, personally felt it was on par with HTTYD2 butttt I like it in a different way to HTTYD2... the animation? ferguckin’ gorgeous, there are fracking LEVELS to the beauty of the Hidden World (the actual place and the movie)...and Astrid’s hair??? mmmm yeah goals

OK SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT (and it looooong yall)

Ok so time to explain the 1/10:

the flow wasn’t as smooth?? as it could have been... it all made sense why things happened and where the motivations came from but...the transitions from sequence to sequence seemed...a little disjointed??? there were parts (maybe it was because i had a kid with me so I got distracted in like two parts) where I was like “oh wait something is happening?? oh wait no yeah I get it sure...so it took me second to realise how one scene got to the other (but again that might’ve been because i was distracted.)...and as a result of the slightly jarred flow, the pace seemed a little disrupted??? maybe it’s just me wanting more, but it felt like things could’ve been a bit...meatier??

also, this was a very Hiccup and Toothless film (I mean obviously, and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and I intend to discuss how great it is later), and so it sorta left little fulfilment or finality for the side characters...they all had their moments sure, and somewhat of an end, but i feel like just a minute here and there more to give them a more satisfying character ending would’ve been nice...

NOW ONTO THE 9/10, and since we’re here already, let’s talk side characters

OUR DRAGON SQUAD

Tuffnut finally got a chance to shine for more than a second of screentime, and while he remained the comedic relief he’s always been (in the films, haven’t seen the shows or short films), it was fun to see him branch out and engage with Hiccup directly...the continuous through-line of him and his beard and trying to impart wisdom on Hiccup was great... Ruffnut also got some solid screentime and she finally made her choice of man (when really she didn’t have any for reasons I will explain later) and “accepted” Fishlegs...but idk didn’t care about that, her scene when she was “captured” by Grimmel was fantastic...Kristen Wiig delivered perfectly from intonation to comedic timing, loved her work! 

Snotlout...I literally had to pause a few seconds just now after typing his name bc *sigh*...we all know Snotlout’s has mild braggadocio...he spitting words with no follow through...annnd that doesn’t much change??? He’s still trying to front and compete with Hiccup and then Eret, and that was originally his charm point...but I would’ve liked to see him find validation in himself rather than an intentional compliment from Valka...and speaking of Valka??? Snotlout just latching onto the closest woman likkkkeeee Snotlout calm down you’re like 40 years younger than her??? maybe not 40 but point is Valka is a badass dragon momma who really isn’t going your way...I just wanted Snotlout to have his moment... 

Fishlegs...yeah he was all dragon daddy carrying his baby Gronkle around and also enjoying his baby Gronkle and that big dragon’s friendship...also Ruffnut has claimed him...bc Snotlout is chasing Valka...so there’s no real option for her (she moved on from Eret and her self-confidence is kinda dope)

HOMIE ADULTS

Eret, son of Eret...I wanted more of him...he just hanging around making passing comments and being the knowledgeable other about Grimmel...and then he had a little something something implied with Gobber??? they had some scenes that had me side-eyeing hardcore... Gobber basically has the same relationship he had with Stoick, but with Hiccup...general calling him out, questioning his lack of planning...just sorta done with everything...true sassy queen...and also yeah him and Eret??? suss

Valka, my queen, my dragon wizard lord who floats through the clouds... maintains her badassery and voice of wisdom role but again steps back to make way for Hiccup and Toothless...and she encouraged Snotlout, for which I am not down...like sure support him but ugh you know he’s into you so just...just...no

MAIN CHARACTERS

Grimmel...definitely a more fleshed out villain than the Red Death and Drago...not necessarily a complex villain, but he was a lot smarter and impacted Hiccup in a way the other two didn’t...rather than using blood and fire to cut to Hiccup’s core, he lured Toothless away and forced Hiccup into a sobering reality that he and Toothless can’t always be together...that said, his “death” was kinda lame...could’ve had more of a bang than probably drowning

The Light Fury was used in an interesting way...she’d already been captured and was used as bait, not just stumbled upon in the wilderness as I had assumed from the trailers...I enjoyed how she was so clearly a wild dragon...from the way she responded to Toothless and his attempts at flirting, spurred him to tap into his true potential and abilities that Valka had alluded to in HTTYD2, to how she always trying to get him to come away into the sky and away from the humans...that said I love how she gradually warmed up to Hiccup...not in the way Toothless did, but in a way where you knew she acknowledged that Hiccup was someone who was important to Toothless, and had no desire to harm her or other dragons and the fact she was the one who saved both Toothless and Hiccup at the end was great...

Astrid, once again, is the only one (aside from Valka, and apparently Eret) with any real sense, both common and fighting...she’s kept to her roots as a skilled fighter in her own right, as opposed to the others relying heavily on their dragons...her chemistry with Hiccup continued to be adorable and flirtatious and pure and wholesome and with all the mad banter...her being so firm against being married so quickly bouncing off Hiccup’s clearly apparent willingness to tie the knot was an adorable under-plot...her character was probably the most consistent of all the characters imo...and she got a fulfilling ending...plus once again, her hair, ESPECIALLY IN THE WEDDING SCENE WAS SO FRIGGEN GORGEOUS AND BEATS ALL ANIMATED HAIR EVER

And now the boys of the hour, Hiccup and Toothless

This was a Hiccup and Toothless film. No side story about his mom and dad, no arbitrary villain just there to cause conflict. This was a film about two best friends in an increasingly complicated world realising that in order to tackle that world? They’d have to separate. It’s the same feeling as realising that the people you grew up with or the friends you made in school won’t be able to stay by your side anymore. You each have a path to take and it’s not one that can be shared...maybe run parallel at times but not the whole way. This is what our boys had to face. 

I love love LOVED that there were sooo many parallels to the first movie...ugh to have that footage so I can count and display all the moments that just brought you back to all the charm and things you fell in love with in the first movie, but with more meaning, more stories to tell...it’s like when I saw Miley Cyrus sing The Climb again many many years after the Hannah Montana movie...there was suddenly more depth to her performance...this was the vibe I got..and it was obviously intentional in bringing so many parallels to the first movie...bringing the story full circle and all that, and of course it culminated in the most perfect moment, the moment that started us all on this journey...

BUT IN THE MOTHERFRACKING REVERSE!!! this was the moment that let those tears slip...I had gone in expecting to cry, but had far and away found myself having more fun and slowly accepting that maybe...maybe I wouldn’t cry in this movie...we got to the big goodbye, and I embodied my inner Jake Peralta and was like cool cool cool no tears yet, I can make it through and then BAM! they did the reverse hand touch and tears were spilled, and my friends were just watching me with unbridled glee in the dark as I got emotional...I’d been watching with increasing suspicion as moment after moment echoed the first movie, but somehow I didn’t realise they would do the reverse hand thing...maybe it’s because the hand thing had been embedded in every moment that Hiccup and the dragon riders encountered new dragons that I did not expect he would ever have to do it to Toothless again?? but in reverse???? because he was letting GO?!?!?!?!?! god it hit me hard...

But then a downside: they started to overuse it in the prologue-y sorta bit with the kids and meeting Toothless again...liiikkkeeee we already had that major impactful, emotional moment...why overuse it??? i would’ve much rathered they just gazed at each other for a bit before Toothless suddenly gives his signature toothless grin...or he swoops in and grabs Hiccup by the pegleg into the air, freaks everyone out, only to do the upside down grin thing- that would’ve been great...I mean they had that moment with the Light Fury but I wouldn’t have minded if they used that one again...

my mind is wandering and this probs doesn’t make any sense at this point sooo: the separation thing! good they established the over-reliance on the dragons and Hiccup’s thinking he can’t do well without Toothless, and Astrid, my QUEEN, coming in and telling him what’s what...and also not marrying him until he was more certain of himself because she knew if he wasn’t ready to face the world alone, he wasn’t ready to face the world with her (at least that’s my interpretation and again idk where I’m going with this thought process)...also love that Hiccup was lowkey jealous of the Light Fury...also also glad she never got a name...keeps her wild, as she should be...

I think this was definitely an incredible ending to an incredible trilogy of films...maybe not Toy Story perfect, but it was full of heart and emotion and continuously brought you back to all the wonder of the first film. Literally, there were so many parallels to the first film it was insane...while I talked about disjointed flow earlier, this incorporation of these callbacks was so well embedded, becoming just a natural proceeding of events... 

I’m coming back to this review after several days so idk where I was going with this soooo just gonna wrap this up:

ASTRID’S WEDDING HAIR WAS GOALS. THE END.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 2x08 Chapter Thirty

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Stray thoughts

1) Please tell me that this tantrum introduction means that we will see Jane biting Rafael’s head off because he totally deserves it. HE’S BEEN LYING TO EVERYONE FOR SIX MONTHS! He said that he did it to save his family, but how can you base your entire relationship on a lie?! Literally, the only reason Jane decided not to pursue a relationship with Michael was that she believed he had falsely accused Rafael, and it turns out he’d been right all along!

2) She’s making a lot of good points, I just wish they were having this argument away from Mateo…

RAFAEL: I know what I did was wrong. I just felt my family slipping away. JANE: So you paid someone to go to the police and lie. RAFAEL: What he said about Michael letting Nadine go was the truth. JANE: Oh, so you don't actually regret what you did. RAFAEL: I didn't have a choice. Look, Michael put Mateo in danger, and you were too blinded by your feelings to see it. JANE: I can't believe you are trying to justify what you did. You were jealous of Michael. RAFAEL: Whoa, jealous? JANE: And because you have money and rules don't apply to you, - or laws for that matter! RAFAEL: I was protecting my son!

I really can’t understand Rafael’s logic? Yes, Michael did let Nadine go, but he did it so that he could get Mateo back! He was protecting their son! And Rafael can dress it however he wants to, but he knows there was no noble reason behind it – it was only because of his petty jealousy. It wasn’t his “family” that was slipping away, it was Jane, and he couldn’t have that. In fact, it’s not the first time Rafael has lied, manipulated, and used his power and money to get his way. He actually feels entitled to do that.

3) I appreciate the fact that Petra’s having a guilty conscience…

4) Awwww! Rogelio misses his bestie!

5) Oh, please have Jane destroy the duplicitous bitch!

SHE DID!

6) Oh, no…

Rogelio is poor, so he can’t pay for Jane’s tuition now. Does this mean that she will have to ask Rafael for the money? Please ask Petra.

7) Is anyone really surprised? She is a moron, after all…

THE MORON: I've been communicating with Rose online for the past six months.

RAFAEL: Wait, what?!

THE MORON: I'm sorry.

MICHAEL: How?

THE MORON: Nothing crime-related, though. Just personal stuff. Light role-play, um, there's-there's a Web site…

I know that she’s supposed to be the “comic relief” or something, what with all her lines about sex and all. But I just find her grating and annoying. And idiotic.

8) 

9) That’s WAY too heavy for a tree topper…

10) See?

This is why they should’ve gotten a custody agreement from the get-go. One fight and they’re crapping all over their “co-parenting” deal.

10) Boy, I really do hope things don’t get dirty. I mean, they both have stuff they could use against each other in court. Rafael is certainly not my favorite, but that doesn’t mean Jane should have full custody – Mateo should be able to spend equal time with both his parents. I hope Jane reconsiders before everything spirals out of control and they end up really hurting each other and hurting Mateo… But I don’t know, she’s talking to the duplicitous bitch now to get some dirt on Rafael, so I’m not holding my breath…

11) Who is Rafael sending money to?

12) Yes, Petra, come clean! Please begin your redemption journey!

13) Oh. The show got me good. I really thought Jane was following Rafael into the sketchy part of town…

14) Okay, so he’s been giving money to a domestic abuse shelter. That’s good. But it doesn’t negate all his lies and manipulation.

15) Oh, my god, Rogelio is honestly the best character in this whole show and I will murder anyone who says otherwise!

ROGELIO: Well, sometimes these feelings come up. In the past, I've talked to Michael, vent a little and get over it. But that's clearly not appropriate anymore. XIOMARA: What feelings exactly? Angry ones. About the 23 years you kept me from Jane. And I know it's not the same thing, but when I see her push Rafael out and you encouraging her, it just brings it back up.

There are so many good things about what he said here. First of all, there’s the fact that he’s found a way to deal with his feelings appropriately without resenting Xiomara for it or throwing it in her face every now and then. Instead, he talks it out with a friend and doesn’t let it affect his relationship with her. Secondly, for all his childish and vapid behavior, he brought his feelings up in a very thoughtful and respectful way. Thirdly, it’s clear how he feels about Jane leaving Rafael out – he thinks it’s wrong, and I agree – but he never tried to meddle because he knows it’s not his place, Rafael and Jane are the ones who need to find a way to work their stuff out. But by bringing this up with Xiomara, he’s helped her put things in perspective – Rafael could find himself in Rogelio’s shoes in 20 years if they don’t find a way to solve their conflict, and more importantly, Jane will regret it because Mateo will resent her for it – and it’s clear now Xiomara will help Jane figure things out.

Seriously, though, as much as he’s played as the comic relief, he’s truly the character with the most genuine heart and coherent behavior, and definitely the character with the most interesting development so far. There are so many layers to Rogelio, and I love each and every one of them.

16) Good. They’re going to therapy.

17) Rafael keeps saying “I had no choice” and that’s such a load of bullshit! I hate it when people say that because it’s a lie! In this case, in particular, NO ONE was forcing him to do ANYTHING, he made the decision all on his own because he WANTED to, excusing himself by saying that he was doing it to “protect his family.” How would getting Michael fired protect his family in any way? IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!

18) Are Michael and his partner really going to trust the Moron to help them catch a drug lord? I am 100% positive that she’ll agree to it, use all their resources available to help them find Mia, and then turn on them because her mommy told her to.

19) Sounds accurate…

20) I mean, no?

JANE: I wasn't even thinking about your father. RAFAEL: I know. Because of Michael.

It was because of Mateo! Because Michael rescued Mateo! I don’t know, maybe I’m seeing this wrong, but Rafael is accusing Michael of being shady but he’s the one who was shady as fuck. I may not agree with his reasons but I see why they are somewhat valid, but then why didn’t he go and talk to the police himself? Oh, yeah, because the true reason was that he wanted to bury Michael so that he could have Jane to himself. If it was truly about doing what was right and getting justice for his father, then he would’ve gone to the police himself and hoped Jane understood why he was doing it.

21) So the mental institution was kind of a dead end, but I have a feeling Mutter will contact Moron.

22) Ha! This is Rogelio’s “calm” mnemonic!

And of course, he flipped out as soon as he opened the door!

Oh. It was Jane’s sci-fi story... 

23) Oh, JD didn’t betray Rogelio! And he’s actually written a script, could it be Rogelio’s next passion project?

24) I loved this scene! Jane admits that she also gets angry from time to time at the 23 years they lost, and then Rogelio says the sweetest thing…

And it’s such a positive note, I mean, they could so easily hold on to their grudge over the lost time, but they would be missing out on enjoying their time now, in the present. And that’s all that truly matters.

25) Who took the Angel? Was it Michael? To fix it, maybe?

26) Petra came clean to Rafael, and she told him everything… YES!

And she did it in spite of the fact she thought it would mean Rafael would hate her, which he doesn’t. At least he’s doing right by Petra. I also think they should get Magda out of her life.

27) So… Jane’s back to Michael on this episode. That means it will be Rafael’s turn on the next one, right?

28) Called it.

29) Called it.

30) This kind of broke me in the best possible way…

31) Oh, Magda, you one-eyed duplicitous bitch!

32) An alright episode I guess, but yet again, I find the most important storyline in the show tiresome. To be frank, I’ve yet need to feel wowed by this show. It hasn’t done it for me yet. But I’m trusting there’s a reason people love it so much.

 33)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!