#in this house we talk about our feelings
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sparklingchim · 5 months ago
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#can i yap for a moment#im extremely sleepy but im feeling very upset and mad and confused#also lowkey questioning whether me feeling all that is justified or if i am overreacting#anyway#made out w a boy tonight#and he wanted to go to his place#and i was like no i wanna stay and dance with my girlies#and he gets upset??#asking why i'd kiss him if i don't wanna hook up and i said i just wanna have fun?#made me feel so stupid#that anger in me led to a little fight with another boy (who was unfortunately very cute) and i just wanted to punch him#i just hate when boys think they're so superior#so i argued with this stupid but hot man#until an ex? friend shows up and he was pretty drunk just yapping about things#anyway he basically told me he'd like to rekindle our friendship#but not in a heyy haven't talked in so long let's meet up again#it was in a heyy let's hang out again got a new big car and moved out of my parent's house 😋#which gave me the ick bc that's why we aren't friends anymore and i told him no multiple times#and got sad bc he was one of my closest friends#anyway and then we left the party#this guy pulls me aside the parking lot#and i was so embarrassed bc there were so many people and they were all looking and i could already see people gossiping about it#and i just wanted to die#and then he just CONFESSES??#gives me flowers and all which is saur saur cute#but i legit have zero feelings for him </3#and have commitment issues and have never been in a relationship and don't wanna be in one#actually grosses me out thinking about relationships </3#the confession was so random and i kinda lost another friendship? even tho i wouldn't rlly consider him a friend we just share sum classes#but yeah boys are so stupid and confusing and i dunno how and why i get myself into these situations :') m sorry just needed to rant </3
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ganondoodle · 3 months ago
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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moth-flowers · 3 months ago
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moth-flowers #17
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naivety · 3 months ago
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okay i need feedback from the autism mentall illness website um. this is going to read like an AITA post. brother vs half-sister (who are currently my dependents do to their own individual disabilities + ptsd/depression) spat i will skim the details on but i'm worried my sister will discount my take since i'm not autistic myself so. am i crazy to call it ableist to look at an autistic person (23) who is clearly going through it dealing w long term depression, a world that doesn't give a shit abt him, unemployment, very self-isolated and burnt out barely leaving his room because the world is an ableist dumpster fire with zero opportunities for him, and then bring up childhood abuse he's suffered and his diagnosis as reasonable factors on top of this to worry he'll [checks notes] abuse my cat just to hurt me or even worse have a breakdown and kill me and his other sibling in a violent episode, a train of thought i probably wouldn't even be having were he not [checks notes] mad at me for the first time in my life?
like i don't have any other read on this kind of fear-based characterization other than ableism. like those are very real things in his life but she never points out any current violent behavior, of which there are none, only the one (1) instance of him lashing out when he was like 14 and Officially Diagnosed Low Empathy she thinks is a concern and Hateful Looks toward her since he stopped getting along with her, that's it. i tried explaining to her why i, someone who's lived w him his entire life, can vouch for how unlikely he is to do anything like that, especially when it's again not based on anything he's actually currently doing except for isolating in a way that is much more indicative of him potentially being a danger to himself than anyone else, and being cold towards her specifically, and i thought she had let it go, but when i brought it up off-hand in a conversation tangentially related, she continued to defend and justify her Concern about the potential directions his behavior could lead to because [checks notes] other people in similar situations have lashed out and killed their entire families according to. true crime books or videos she's watched on youtube as far as i'm aware. ignoring the fact that her and i have had the same or Worse childhood abuse and have acted similarly isolated in the past, or for her literally just as currently as him, and she's not expressed any worry past or present about either of us doing anything like that, in my opinion obviously because i haven't cut her off due to our differences like he decided to. like am i big sibling biased because this is pissing me off so bad.
#j.txt#autism#ableism#very sorry to hang all my dirty laundry like this but she is absolutely the type of person to not take accusations of ableism seriously#due to being disabled/traumatized herself and i. feel like she thinks just because she's fixated on and consumed so much about like#mental disorders and illness and whatever she thinks she's an expert on it#enough to like. non-gendered equivalent mansplain peoples' own traumas and disorders to them lol which she has done to me as well#my brother actually last i checked felt like his diagnosis wasn't even accurate#but to me knowing our mom was v ableist antivax about her understanding of autism and a very neurotypical definition of it#it makes sense if the criterias or definitions don't feel accurate to him#idk. IDK#um. if this gets no engagement i'll delete it rather quick probably i just#don't wanna talk out of my ass when i'm not even autistic yk#i'm very aware i can be biased about him vs her because i actually grew up w him and he's younger than us but like#i havent heard him use her own diagnosis and childhood trauma and ugly moments in this way to justify his bad faith characterizations of he#so it's very much. just something she's doing. if my brother started doin it too i'd have the same conversation but he hasn't which i think#is u.m Telling <3#like She's the one actually complaining about how he assumes the worst of her in everything she does now and it makes her feel awful#meanwhile she. probably doesn't say any of this to Him but boy has she talked about it with me!#if it's not obvious we are all very mentally ill trapped in a house 2gether trying to save up to move so we can get away from each other lo
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becauseimanicequeen · 2 months ago
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Hi, Queen! I'm on bedrest after a surgery I had last week and is currently watching QLs all day. I'm flying through some high heat ones atm and loving every minute although I'm physically uncomfortable. To some it may be controversial to say this, but I connect more with the high heat stuff than the romance because that's who I am irl too.
Anygay, I think I've seen you write about high heat shows before and was wondering what your favorite sex scenes in QLs are?
I'm only about 100 QLs into my journey after almost a year of watching. Most of them are Korean before I found Thai QLs and then Japanese, Taiwanese, and some Vietnamese. You have watched many more than me so could you give me your best tips? My favorites so far are everything in Bed Friend and the one at the hotel/motel in the Pornographer movie. What are yours?
I hope you have an amazing day!
Hi, @whatevenisthishellhole (and the three Anons who sent me similar asks when 4 Minutes was airing)!
Excuse my late reply. I've been super busy throwing paint at canvases a la the boys in I Saw You in My Dream (not quite, but similar). I've also been battling with this post for a day or two since I had to remove a lot of the gifs and videos I originally added to this post to get it unflagged. But, here we are!
First, I hope your surgery went well and I'm happy that you're having a great time even though you're uncomfortable.
Second, it's not controversial to say you like the high heat stuff! Unless you're a child. But neither you nor I am.
I absolutely get where you're coming from. As someone who prefers sexual relationships over romantic ones, I also prefer the high heat shows/films (even though I also watch shows/films that don't include sex). We're all different, just like it's supposed to be. And since you and I both seem to like the high heat stuff, let's talk about it, shall we?
Also, even though we often talk about heat levels regarding QLs, what we consider high or low heat is very individual for all of us. So, I've chosen to include scenes that I personally rank mid to higher heat levels to give some range. And I've chosen scenes that show different ways of having sex because I like variety.
And, btw, thank you for writing "sex scenes" and not "NC scenes" because I have beef with the latter term (which is super weird considering I'm a vegetarian. But, anyway...).
Third, I don't get triggered. So I suggest that you (and anyone else reading this) look up possible trigger warnings before you dive into most shows in this post if you're sensitive to anything in particular.
Fourth (and the last one before we get into the good stuff, I promise), I've watched 350+ QL shows/films in about 14 months (it was my escape last year as I tried to survive some grief, which is why the number is so high) and I have a terrible memory. There's a chance I've forgotten most of the ones I liked. But I will try to remember (lol).
With all that said, let's finally dive into my list (which I've gathered in no particular order)!
My Favorite Sex Scenes in QLs
Mike and Jack in Twins (Thailand)
To be honest, the heat level can be discussed here. But! I wanted to include this scene because Mike and Jack were everything to me when Twins was airing (and had I been on tumblr at the time, I would've screamed about these two) because they were friends with benefits who stayed that way without getting into a romantic relationship (which I want to see more of since romantic relationship aren't the be-all and end-all for everyone).
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Ryou and Anda + Thee and Jet in Love Stage!! (Thailand)
I couldn't find a gif of the scene I like, but it was in the 6th or 7th episode or something. It's the sequence where Ryou and Anda's sex scene is interwoven with Thee (Anda's brother) and Jet (his secret boyfriend) also having sex.
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Phat and Saengtai in La Pluie (Thailand)
I missed this when it was airing in 2023 but watched it earlier this year instead. And I loved it so much (one of my absolute favorite shows I've watched this year). One of the reasons is the chemistry and sexual tension between Phat and Saengtai, which is on fire when they almost have sex at Saengtai's apartment, when Saengtai sucks Phat's dick, and when they have sex at Phat's apartment.
All three of those scenes are great. But I particularly love the scene at Phat's apartment because, now that Saengtai feels ready, Phat gets to give Saengtai pleasure too.
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Rak and Mahasamut in Love Sea (Thailand)
Of course I'm listing Mut fucking Rak's face on my list because that scene was iconic! (I couldn't find a gif of that particular moment, but this one is from the same scene that leads up to Mut fucking Rak's face:)
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Charlie and Babe in Pit Babe (Thailand)
Honestly, this scene was almost omitted from my list because the racing cutting into the important shit every fucking second is driving me nuts (lmao!). But Charlie's gaze and Babe's facial expressions convinced me to add it anyway. So, here we are.
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Alan and Jeff in Pit Babe (Thailand)
Their first time was good, but their sex scene in the last episode was great. The way they were looking at each other, the way they were kissing and touching each other... I loved it.
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Thantatch and Lomnaw in 2 Moons: The Ambassador (Thailand)
If I remember correctly, I thought most of this show was meh, especially in the beginning. But! I remember I was surprised to see sex scenes in the 2 Moons series because there hadn't been anything beyond kissing and removing shirts in the previous ones.
The two scenes I liked most in this one were the ones where Thantatch and Lomnaw suck each other's dicks.
This is the lead-up to the first one where Lomnaw sucks Thantatch's dick:
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And this is during the second one where Thantatch is doing wicked shit to Lomnaw under the blanket:
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To be honest, these scenes are a bit sweeter than savory for me, but they still make the cut because the acting felt very natural, and, again, I was pleasantly surprised with these scenes (and the other sex scenes in this show).
King and Uea in Bed Friend (Thailand)
Just like you, I loved Bed Friend. Mainly for the chemistry between Net and James.
Honestly, you can't make me choose which sex scene I liked most because I loved them all. Even King's jump up on the bed.
But I just want to say that the lighting was immaculate in this particular scene:
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(It took me ages to try and find a gif of this before I gave up and went with a static screenshot instead, lol.)
Mangkorn and Yai in Big Dragon (Thailand)
I don't necessarily vibe with Mos and Bank's cutesy stuff, but I love them when they throw high heat at me like they did at Mangkorn's place in Big Dragon.
Sailom and Namnuea in Wedding Plan (Thailand)
The moment when Sailom could finally be himself around Namnuea, after all those years of hiding himself because of his family and to protect his best friend (Yiwa), was everything to me. Sailom was starving, and Namnuea was more than willing to let himself be devoured.
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Nueng and Anueng in Blank (season 2) (Thailand)
As someone with a biting kink, this scene was made especially for me. And I appreciated every fucking millisecond of it.
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(Sidenote: I would let Faye do whatever she wants with me.)
Ji and Achi in To Be Continued (Thailand)
Their first time (in the past) was great (up until the point where misunderstandings and miscommunication happened, but let's forget that for a moment, lol). They both wanted it so bad that it was palpable. And I loved this scene just as much as I loved these two miscommunicating idiots.
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Kawin and Pluem in Ghost Host Ghost House (Thailand)
If I remember correctly (which I might not), I think we only got two sex scenes in this show, and I loved them both. So I'm obviously including both.
First, we have their first sex scene, which has a build-up that's amazing (this video is longer than the scene in the actual show, btw).
Then we have the scene after they reunite in the last episode (I also think this one is longer than the scene in the show).
Jom and Yai in I Feel You Linger in the Air (Thailand)
Since I'm an ice queen who has a hard time crying, I tend to get obsessed with things that melt my ice and open up my floodgates. This is the first and only time that I can remember having cried while watching a sex scene. That's partly why I love it so much.
It is beautiful and emotional because Yai knows that he will eventually lose Jom. That grief hit me so hard (which is why I cry every time I rewatch this show) even though Yai hasn't lost Jom yet. It's just so beautiful and one of my absolute favorite sex scenes.
Gao Shi De and Zhou Shu Yi in We Best Love: Fighting Mr. 2nd (Taiwan)
Heat level can be discussed, but this scene is filled with so much emotion, angst, and desperation that I can't help but love it.
Chen Yi and Ai Di in Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan)
Heat level can be discussed, I'm just here for the chemistry and the neon lights, because both are amazing (and I'm such a slut for neon lights).
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Tharn and Phaya in The Sign (Thailand)
I loved their chemistry and I loved all the neon lights in this scene (have I mentioned that I'm a slut for neon lights?).
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Aob and Puen in Playboyy (Thailand)
This tattooed daddy and his baby were everything to me in Playboyy. Aob had some solid walls around his heart, but when it came to taking care of his baby, he delivered with a solid handjob.
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Sky and Prapai in Love in the Air (Thailand)
Their first time is great (the neon lights in that scene are gorgeous). But the sex scene I like the most with these two characters is the one in the special episode where Prapai fucks Sky on the conference table at his office. I mean, Prapai unbuttoned Sky's pants with his fucking teeth. That boy was hungry.
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Sun Bo Xiang and Lu Zhi Gang in History 3: Make Our Days Count (Taiwan)
Let's forget the ending of this show and just focus on these two for a moment because their first time was such a spur-of-the-moment thing (in the gym after lockdown, btw) fueled by a desire that went from 0-100kph in less time than a Ferrari would. I loved it!
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Tan and Bun in Manner of Death (Thailand)
I can't make a list of my favorite sex scenes without including Max and Tul in MOD. I mean... Max is fucking fisting his hands in Tul's hair. And sucking lips.
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And they're plant dads! What more could I want? (Transplant. That's the more I want.)
Mingmueang and Namning in Be Mine Superstar (Thailand)
I can barely remember anything about this series except Mingmueang and Namning. Their chemistry was on fire. And there's just something about Jo (who plays Namning) that pulls my attention to him. I can't take my eyes away. Pairing him with Bosston (Mingmueang)... I'm still hoping their spin-off will see the light of day. Pretty fucking please!
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The Novelist/Pornographer + Mood Indigo (Japan)
I'll be honest and say that I love every scene in this whole series from the first show to the last short (I have a sweet spot for the darker and more complex Japanese stuff). And that includes the sex scenes.
If I were to pick my favorite one, though, I would agree with you, @whatevenisthishellhole and say the hotel scene is fire.
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(Also, as an advocate of safe and comfortable sex, I especially love the scene in Mood Indigo where Rio is stretching his anus to prepare himself for penetrative sex.)
Kim Sung Min and Yoo Joo Hyuk in Love Class Season 2 (Korea)
This scene is iconic to me when it comes to Korean BLs. I can't remember if I've ever seen anything like this in a Korean BL before (but, again, my memory is fucked, so feel free to remind me of how wrong I am). I've seen this and more explicit scenes in one or two gay films, but not that I can remember in any Korean BLs.
Anyway...
I love the buildup of the scene, which starts on their date, and all the way throughout this scene. It feels real, the chemistry is amazing, and it has a more mature vibe (as in, two adults who are confident, comfortable with each other, and know what they want). I love it so much.
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Jao and Wayu Two Worlds (Thailand)
I'm sorry Max and Nat, but these two stole this show for me.
Let's forget for a moment that Jao has been badly wounded, had a fever, and that, apparently, sex can heal everything (especially if it's sex on the floor of an abandoned cabin in the middle of the woods). Because let's be honest, this scene was great in every sense of the word.
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It was beautiful, it was raw, the lighting was gorgeous (I have to include the visuals as the artist I am), the way they were looking at each other, the way they moved. I mean, fuck me, this was a great scene.
Kinn and Porsche in KinnPorsche (Thailand)
I can't make a list like this and not include KP. And, for me personally, the pool scene is the best Kinn and Porsche sex scene.
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Vegas and Pete in KinnPorsche (Thailand)
And since I love toxic little shits (Vegas being one of my favorites) as well as KP, I obviously had to add Vegas and Pete's sex scene as well.
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Also, I'm such a slut for the neon colors in this one!
Korn and Tonkla in 4 Minutes (Thailand)
Say what you will about Korn's performance (or lack thereof) but Bas and Fuaiz acted the fucking shit out of their scenes. My favorite sex scene with Korn and Tonkla was the one in the first episode because it said so much about their dynamic (sugar daddy/sugar baby, Korn's needs taking priority, Tonkla wanting more, etc.). It was everything I wanted and more (the more being Bas's ass).
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Great and Tyme in 4 Minutes (Thailand)
I mean... Great got his ass eaten...
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Shin, Neo, and Miw in 3 Will Be Free (Thailand)
I'm a sucker for poly and would love to see more of that in our beloved QLs. So I ate up every single crumb of the little I got from this group in 3 Will Be Free (but I'm still starving, lol).
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That's the end of the primary list of my favorites.
Looking back on it now, I wish I had more GLs on my list. Unfortunately, the ones I've watched are either too cute (which I don't vibe well with), too tame (for me at least) or don't include sex at all, or I probably haven't watched it yet (I've watched less than 20 so far). If you have any recommendations of great GLs, then, for the love of everything holy, send them my way! I'm starving over here, lol.
Others
I have a few more sex scenes that aren't my personal favorites (which is what you specifically asked for) but they're still good:
Ritsu and Masumi in The End of the World With You (Japan), all their sex scenes were very close to being on my favorites list (especially with Ritsu's laser focus on Masumi) but they don't feel as real to me as most of the others on my list above.
Rain and Payu in Love in the Air (Thailand), specifically the sex scene after Payu raced against the asshole (can't remember his name, lol).
Kita and Nathee in Beyond the Star (Thailand), their chemistry is amazing but I think I was too bored by the whole show to care, lol. These characters are played by Willi and Focus who are also in Battle of the Writers (which is currently airing) and they have even more amazing chemistry now.
There were some great sex scenes in For Him (Thailand) as well, but the production lost the story (and me) somewhere in the middle/end.
DIY
Sex doesn't need to be had with a partner (or several) either, so I want to highlight some solo parties too:
Yai in Big Dragon (Thailand) has a good time while looking at a photo of Mangkorn's hands.
Atom in The Rebound (Thailand) is thinking about Zen as he's masturbating and gets emotional.
Almond tries out a dildo in Knock Knock, Boys! (Thailand).
Miyata in Love is Better the Second Time Around (Japan) jerks off in the shower while thinking about Iwanaga.
Army in The Warp Effect (Thailand) also jerks off in the shower while thinking about his past love interest Joe.
Mut in Love Sea (Thailand) is also jerking off in the shower, but Rak decides to help him.
I'm pretty sure I've seen more masturbation scenes, but I can't seem to remember any more right now so these will have to do.
Other QLs that Highlight Sex in Different Ways
Before I hit publish on this post, I also want to share some QLs that highlight/talk about sex in different ways (besides the ones I've already mentioned throughout this post).
Knock Knock, Boys! (Thailand)
I know that you already know about this one, @whatevenisthishellhole. But, for anyone else wanting to watch a show that openly talks about sex and pansexuality in particular, this is a great one.
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Let's Talk About CHU (Taiwan)
To be fair, this is primarily a straight show but it does have a gay pair that I absolutely love!
It also highlights sex from different perspectives and angles. For example, there are different age groups (from the youngest daughter in the central family to the parents in the same family), different types of relationships (fwb, creditor/debtor or gangster/gambler, two marriages whereby one has lasted 30+ years), and, as I mentioned, both straight and gay relationships.
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(Fun fact: Helena Hsu, who plays Gao Shi De's mom in We Best Love, is also in this series.)
The Warp Effect (Thailand)
This queer show has a diverse set of characters (queer and straight) and a diverse range of relationships. It also highlights sex from different perspectives and the effects and consequences sex can have. It also includes some of the best female characters I've seen in queer shows from Thailand, and I love them so fucking much.
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Final Words
Those are all the scenes I can remember at this point. I'm sure there are several that I've missed and some that I will remember as soon as I hit publish on this. But this will have to do for now.
I hope you find something you like.
And, thanks for your ask!
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dawnbreakersgaze · 8 months ago
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Look, before you judge me, I want you to understand that I am beyond the ability to harm. I think Jeremiah is a babe and that is that.
Now, this is, 100% the fault of @skynapple and her amazing fic (which you should ABSOLUTELY go read right tf now) if you haven't already. It's killing me. In a good way. I'm dying in the best way possible and ASDHJKDLSJS is all I can say about how much I love it.
And if you're about to come at me like "Wtf Kay why is Jeremiah built like that?" Then I will remind you that this mfer was a lightseeker- one of the people still at MCs side fighting wanderers when Xav up and disappeared. For a couple hundred years, he was constantly whooping wanderer ass, and I will not be told he was anything other than beautifully buff 😤
This whole thing made me miss drawing so much. I love studying anatomy and bless Jeremiah for being a good sport about it lol. Maybe I should do the others when my hands allow it.
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shewhoeatssand · 1 month ago
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I want to befriend Kaneki and meet with him and email him forever
#we should do everything together everything should be parallel play#and then when we go our separate ways at the end of the day I want to still email him things#like pictures of succulents and a glimpse under the amazon river#I want to email him pbs eons videos#I can show him coffee shop vlogs and ask “is this u”#in person I’d mostly let him do the talking and decide what to do#take me down the most intimidating alley on a whim after you said we were just buying lunch pls#I want to eat lunch with him so bad 😭😭😭🙏#it’d be kind of awkward though bc he wouldn’t be eating anything he’d just be sipping his coffee#being with Kaneki is the ultimate dream I wanna see his morning irritation I want to be pleasantly startled by him with his quiet footsteps#& get to ask him about what he’s reading#or how his training is going#or whatever he’s doing#I would ask him how he’d rate vacuuming out of 10 and if he gives it below a 5 will vacuum his house#I feel like he’d lie though and say he likes doing every kind of work just to stop others from doing it#unless he wasn’t in a state where he’s able to actively think about others like that#he should stop doing things and jsut relax imagine taking him on a nice tour trip up mount Fuji that would b nice#stay in a cabin make a snowman clap for him when he skis#he was so good at skiing in the TG calendar?!?? who taught him to ski#did he read “idiots guide to skiing” a day before and absorb all the knowledge like a sponge#he’s so smart. I wish I was smart. or at least smart in an applicable way#I want to try harder but I kind of can’t#or I get sort of frozen by something and can’t find a way forward unless I scurry around it (no one wants u to do this)#I love Kaneki he’s both literally and kind of metaphorically half human and I am too so if we combine we’ll have the power of one full human#we can be human if we stand close enough together#idk he might not want to stand next to me tho he has better options#kaneki time
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not-another-robin · 1 year ago
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Anybody got alfred thoughts or headcanons I'm going through it
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frenchy-and-the-sea · 3 months ago
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There is a very exquisite agony in playing a game you love so so so so so much, and realizing that one of the other players is trying to play a totally different game than you.
#hush frenchy#we went to the coffin shop today in vallaki#and our rogue triggered combat SIMPLY because he didn't want to leave the house without looting every single room#to clarify: WE HAD ACHIEVED OUR OBJECTIVE#we literally just needed to get out#but the rogue's player was like cmoooon its no fun to leave without looting everything we can get our hands on#now everything we're doing has gone to absolute shit#and to clarify: its going to be very interesting!!#and I feel like I would've been just fine with the result#IF it had been for any other reason besides that this one player seems to think that we're in a video game#like if there had been some kind of character motivation? or genuine concern that we were missing a piece of something we were looking for?#totally fine!! love that in fact!!#but just stealing shit because 'you're the rogue' feels... idk.#it just feels like it's a totally different game than the rest of us are playing#and now we ALL have to deal with the consequences#i just. urgh. i do not know what to do#i am gonna talk to the dm and see if she noticed the same thing as me#and try to brainstorm we the players can do to impart a sense of balance for people with different play styles#but i just feel like despite repeated efforts by the dm to be like hey this is a game for exploration and character engagement#the player is just ignoring that and doing Whatever He Feels Like#ANYWAY SORRY RANT OVER#I'm just really in love with this game and having one really thorny part is just HNG#positive note: the wizard whipped out alter self and thought he was the coolest guy in the whole world#despite repeatedly missing in combat#it was very cute and i wish Wyn wasn't absolutely certain that she was about to die#because she would absolutely stroke his ego about it simply to see him preen#the fighter was also very sweet and keeps working so hard to protect wyn#and since I'm a fighter in my other game i know where to put myself to make it easier for him so there's a lot of synergy#IT'S JUST VERY CUTE AND NICE AND GOOD. I LOVE THEM BOTH A LOT
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bonestrouslingbones · 2 months ago
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i now understand the anger people describe when they see other folks just going about their lives entirely unaffected by disasters
#i'm living in a situation that many people are comparing to hurricane katrina and you're fucking talking about homestuck cosplay#i dont fucking care about over the garden wall i'm going into my third day without electricity and nowhere nearby has gas for our generator#our freezers are fridges now and its only a matter of time til we have to start throwing ungodly amounts of food out#we can't leave our house because the road even outside of our driveway has gotten progressively worse and we can barely drive across#there was another landslide about five minutes away. there's another town nearby that was completely leveled#i saw a guy stranded on the side of the road with signs taped to his car asking for a spare tire#i saw another car flipped entirely onto its back and halfway into the river which is still raging#one of the houses i'm used to driving by every single day that was huge and where we got our chickens from is gone. like it was never there#the area it was in just looks like another part of the river now. i wonder if people will play in it in the future#nobody has power or cell service. countless people haven't been able to contact their family members in four days#and yet it feels like the only people talking about it are the people who fucking live here. nobody else is looking at appalachia#except for the shithead tourists who like to go into threads meant for resource updates asking about their stupid fucking vacations#conservatives are saying we deserve it for being libs and libs are saying we deserve it for being conservatives#both of them call us hicks and use our accents whenever they do an impression of a stupid person
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disdaidal · 10 months ago
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I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.
Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3
#personal#i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week#i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here#but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting#i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday#where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get#after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks#but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that#what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed#so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try#because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times#which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even#so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call#from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today#and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out#'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out#because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own#i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still#but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously#so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me#i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but#at least i'd know#anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing#sorry
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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months ago
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...
#im back from a week with my dad at home and at the lake#it was really nice to b home for a while but now im a mess lol#bc it really makes me wanna move back to Appalachia and not do another semester out here#and also this was our 1st trip to the lake without my mom being there. she loved the lake. she grew up on the water and was named after an#island. she died before she could use our new jetski. which my dad bought for her and she would have loved#and i stood in her sandles bc my dad keeps them out by the fireplace and my toes fit almost exactly into the impressions of her feet#and i came come with another bag full of her clothes. and i feel bad for my dad being all alone in that big house#i mean hes got the dogs but theyre 7 and 8 and theyre big boys so they probably dont have all that long left. itll be so sad when they die.#there was a moment where i was talking to the dogs and he said i sounded exactly like my mom. which was kinda intentional#on my part bc i say a lot of things bc she would say them. stolen phrases and intonations. pieces of things ive taken.#its still weird that she's just gone forever. the time in the hospital feels like it was some horrible nightmare.#and now shes never gonna kno where we end up. she's left rooms full of half tumbled rocks and half sorted photos and half organized#classroom supplies. the outlines of a person that will slowly be stitched out of existance as time moves on until theres nothing left and#the memories are gone. its just sad is all. especially bc she didnt deserve it. no one does but expecally not her.#but unfortunately life isnt about getting what you deserve. its chaos and coincidence all the way down.#unrelated
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love-songs-for-emma · 9 months ago
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am i going to single-handedly create a fandom about jay holt from the video game "as dusk falls"? i just fuckin might
#i Cant stop thinking about him. ive literally been dreaming about him. i Need to help him. please#hes just a fuckin kid!!! (18?? 19??) hes a TEEN and his family is FUCKED and its not his FAULT#none of this was his fault. he deserves so much fuckin BETTER#also i thought i didnt care about vanessa but then shes got dead brother trauma hi hello hiiiiii#and now jay does too#fuck my LIFE#ive never been one for self-inserts but actually me jay and vanessa hang out regularly in a tree house we built#we laugh and shoot the shit and talk about what losing our brothers have done/are doing to our psyche#as dusk falls#jay holt#vanessa dorland#new hyperfix u say ? this one will be brief hopefully. bc the game is fucking. unfinished. stupid ass cliffhanger ass bjtch ass#plus im rewriting canon so jay has a good young life. no timeskip for MEEE#maria is literally just rambling. hi#.txt#the only fic ive ever written/outlined was about alana bloom from nbc's hannibal & she Deserved a rewrite#but maybe i need to indulge in writing jay holt's better reality TOO#theres a quote. hang on. a quote from a beloved piece of media. why cant i recall what its from rn#but theyre talking about different timelines n shish and one of them says ''maybe this *is* your best reality'' and its SO sad. fuck#is it hannibal. i feel like its always hanniba#no but also i feel like its not???#its like ''this is your best life. youre not getting a better one''#what the eff is that. im gonna be stuck on this forever#EDIT: IT IS FROM FUCKING HANNIBAL. BUT ITS GODDAMN FREDRICK CHILTON OF ALL PEOPLE WHO SAYS IT#''The optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is true.#This is your best possible world Will. Not getting a better one''#fucking CHRIST chilton#lines that go HARD
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anotherpapercut · 1 year ago
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hi more drug question
I have been told many many times that using ecstasy will basically fry your seratonin receptors so that you will never be able to feel happy again unless you are using the drug. I am assuming now that this is false but I am curious now as to how false. Is it something that CAN happen if you take too much at once or too often, or is this just random Drug Scary misinformation
Also also since wellbutrin is not an SSRI does LSD work when you are on it or does it also cancel it out
lol that's kind of an extreme version of what I usually hear! you're right that basically the answer here is no. this comes from a couple different things. first is MDMA induced serotonin toxicity, and 2nd is something called "serotonin syndrome" which is a real thing that can happen, but it's really really hard to get like this. prepare for a very long answer lmfaooo
MDMA induced serotonin toxicity occurs when you take too high doses too frequently. MDMA IS slightly neurotoxic, but so are many prescription drugs so don't let that word freak you out too much! basically MDMA works by dumping large amounts of serotonin into your brain, hence why it's the happy/love drug lol. if you take too much too often, your brain will straight up run out of serotonin. obviously that's bad! it's not as simple as "never feeling happy again" but you will essentially have depression for a bit because of lack of serotonin (on its own, low serotonin levels following modest MDMA use is not damaging and resolves within a few days) but the real problem is that if you are on MDMA with depleted serotonin, your brain will continue releasing dopamine which will attach to the serotonin receptors and damage them. this is what can cause long term depression symptoms, the damaged serotonin receptors. ultimately your brain will heal this on its own unless for some reason I guess you keep taking it a lot (which would have no effect. when you take too much MDMA your brain just runs out of serotonin to dump so like. it just won't work lol)?? it can also be treated with the supplement NAC, which I would recommend taking any time you use MDMA because of this!
to sum up MDMA toxicity: it can happen but only if you're misusing it! it's generally recommended that you dont do much more than 1 dose every 3 months or so to make sure your brain has time to reset. research interactions with anything else you're using (prescription or not), take some NAC in the weeks following a dose, drink a lot of water, keep your body temperature regular because that can worsen it, and take some antioxidants like alpha lipoic acid and grape seed oil during/immediately after taking MDMA - it's when you come down that your brain is delicate and could use the protection. also this may sound counterintuitive but weed also has antioxidant properties, so smoking it as you come down helps a lot. also if you DO have MDMA toxicity taking more MDMA will not help u feel happy unfortunately it will just make it worse lol, your brain only has so much serotonin to give
now serotonin syndrome can happen with the misuse of any drug that works on serotonin including MAOIs, SSRIs, and SNRIs, usually by taking a VERY large dose (but some people are just extremely sensitive). it usually takes care of itself eventually, but the amount of time it takes and stuff is kinda hard to pin down bc it's REALLY misunderstood and tends to be overly self diagnosed. again this is like super super hard to do. you would have to take a MASSIVE dose or mix it with other serotonin affecting drugs (ESPECIALLY MAOIs. DO NOT MIX MDMA WITH MAOI ANTI DEPRESSANTS). like 5 times the normal dose at least probably (partner is currently trying to find some literature on it so he'll add that in the replies if he finds anything interesting). it will cause things like heightened anxiety and body temperature and can cause kidney problems or seizures if it's like really bad and untreated. but you'd feel REALLY bad before it got to that point, so in general like, if you take any type of drug and feel extremely bad after go to the doctor lol. mostly this will also just heal itself; your brain is pretty resilient! again usually if this does happen it's very minor. cases bad enough to require hospitalization are exceedingly rare
to give you an example of what these can look like, I have a friend who was given about 3-4 times a regular dose by a fucking piece of shit asshole she knows and, this part is crucial, it was mixed with a very large amount of alcohol AND acid (which can slightly increase the neurotoxicity. normally not a huge issue but becomes one in circumstances like this), AND coke; like she was blackout drunk and while not on a lot of acid or coke, this is just too many things to have in your body and brain at one time. the mixture of such a large amount different drugs caused her what I'm guessing was a mild case of both of these things at once. she experienced slightly worsened depression for about 6 months after, and actually had a mild stutter for almost a year. I made sure she took some NAC and other things that aid brain healing, and she didn't try molly again for a long time to be super sure she didn't overload her brain before it was ready. this is a pretty extreme case, and even with that she has fully recovered thankfully. do NOT EVER do drugs with someone you don't trust with your life. DO NOT EVER do drugs in doses you have not confirmed for yourself to be safe and DO NOT EVER mix drugs without finding out if it's safe!!! just as a small aside though: usually taking molly and acid at the same time is perfectly safe. in fact it's called a candy flip and I HIGHLY recommend it because it's fucking awesome. again, just make sure you are taking safe doses in a safe environment
OKAY now finally your specific question about Wellbutrin: I actually take Wellbutrin so I can answer this one from personal experience! Wellbutrin should not alter the effects of LSD in any way HOWEVER! both of these drugs lower your seizure threshold! I'm on the max dose of Wellbutrin (which is the max dose BECAUSE of seizure risk) so when I plan to drop acid I usually either skip my dose entirely that day or only take half depending on how much acid I'm planning to take. because of the way Wellbutrin works, this shouldn't cause you any problems as far as that goes. for me, not taking my Wellbutrin for a day mainly has the effect of making me more fatigued, and acid counteracts that really well by making me feel very awake/aware. if you don't want to skip or halve your dose though you can also take things that will RAISE your seizure threshold. so like I sometimes will smoke hemp because CBD actually will help with that. the risk here isn't huge either way especially if you have no history of seizures, but again if it's something you're concerned about you should be just fine skipping or lowering your dose for the day. acid usually lasts about 12 hours too so i personally don't even care about skipping the Wellbutrin that much because it basically does the same thing for me. I did take my full Wellbutrin dose the last couple times I've done acid though because I was taking a very small amount of acid (about half a tab)
in summation lol sort of TLDR I generally would recommend MDMA for recreational use because the risks of damage are low and it's safe if you are safe about it. and it's honestly just a really fun one! the only negative effect I've ever felt is some emotional and physical fatigue the following day, and this is largely because of how emotional and energetic you are on it. I just make sure to have the next day off to lay around and listen to music :)
taking it with a partner or loved one will give you an especially beautiful experience, as MDMA has been proven to facilitate extremely open emotional conversations. in fact, when MDMA was first synthesized it's primary use was in psychotherapy! research was shut down during the war on drugs, but in recent studies it's demonstrated amazing abilities to treat and even straight up CURE disorders like PTSD. for a personal anecdote, my partner actually completely fucking cured his alcoholism on a combo of MDMA and whippets (nitrous oxide) lmfao. like dude straight up went from getting black out drunk multiple nights a week to drinking nothing for the past year and a half without any other treatment program. LSD has been proven to have similar incredible results with treating and curing things like depression, anxiety, PTSD and addiction and is also a very fun and very safe one.
sorry to reiterate for the billionth time lol but it's important: these drugs are safe and fun if you make sure they're safe and fun! do your research and never use in an unfamiliar environment with people you wouldn't trust in an emergency! also I know this sounds like a lot, but remember I'm giving you like the absolute safest possible practices and emphasizing sort of over cautiousness because I think it's always better to be too safe. I've taken molly without nac and I've taken kinda big doses a little closer together than I should have without any problems. there's a bit of flexibility to these guidelines, but it's always better to think of them as being rigid so you don't end up too far in the other direction. like I've said it's really really hard to do actual damage that would last more than like a day or 2 max. most of the time you'll just be sleepy the next day from all the dancing so it's nice to do it on a day 1 of a weekend. also it only lasts like a couple of hours lol so it's not your whole day or anything!
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shego1142 · 1 year ago
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Hey peeps, this is a fundraiser for my friend Quinn.
They got fucked over by life, their bank account was hacked and they lost an entire pay check and then some and just barely managed to make their rent
And then to add insult to injury their car was stolen with all of their work supplies as well as a lot of their drag supplies.
Anything would be helpful, donations or reblogs!
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fictionadventurer · 7 months ago
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All the tour groups in Springfield should be very proud of me for how well I refrained from sharing all my fascinating Lincoln facts.
#there were so many school groups!#a giant one came in RIGHT AFTER i entered lincoln's cabinet room#part of me was screaming 'children i NEED to tell you about all these idiots and their insane drama!'#a smarter part of me understood that would be super weird#so instead i regaled different individuals of my own traveling party after we had the room to ourselves#then at lincoln's tomb we lucked out in getting there during the ten minutes of the day when school groups weren't there#which meant we got a personal tour from a guide who seemed thrilled to have grown-ups to talk to#he and my dad chatted about fishing for a long while in the entry#it didn't feel disrespectful because it totally felt like the kind of conversation lincoln would have understood and joined in on#and then we went on our way but the guide then chased us down to share all the fascinating lincoln stories as we went along#(shout-out to lefty you were great)#and then a school group found us so we made a graceful exit#but outside a teacher was explaining to a different group about how robert was significant in his own right so he's buried at arlington#and the RESTRAINT i showed in not immediately informing them that he was present at three presidential assassinations! it was rather heroic#and then when we toured lincoln's house the guide (who accidentally made it clear he was a revolutionary war buff)#(which made it a bit hilarious he was stuck with lincoln)#asked for questions before we started and someone asked about lincoln's 1860 election campaign!#aka one of my SPECIAL NICHE AREAS OF OBSESSION!#you cannot imagine how desperately i wanted to tell him ALL ABOUT seward and thurlow weed#anyway it was fun to go back now that i actually know stuff about lincoln#but it was also a bit frustrating because now i know how much they leave out#(though there was cool new info and artifacts)#(the blood-stained piece of laura keene's dress was very morbid and very cool)#also it reminded me that i still have that book on the 1860 election i've yet to read and the hype is so real#presidential talk
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