#in the span of a page is heartbreaking

[memento-morri-writes]

so, it's not work on my WIPs, but I wrote my d&d character's (Rook's) backstory the way I imagine him telling it to the party. And wow, somehow it hurts 20x times more this way. Can't wait to roleplay this scene next week!!

Have an excerpt of my favorite part.

TW for drugging/selling a person + violence in the screenshot below.

ouch

transcript under the cut. TW for drugging and selling of a person, plus violence.

[he pauses, taking a deep breath]

“A few months later, we were all ashore for a couple nights. In Bon Largo, actually. Some of the crew invited me to a tavern for a drink. They bought me a few rounds. Told me to consider it something of a late birthday gift.” [he shakes his head] “Next thing I remember is waking up on a cot in a tiny storage room with a pounding headache and chains around my wrists.” [he swallows hard] “I could tell I was at sea from the rocking, but I sure as hell wasn’t on the Tide Breaker. I banged on the door, yelling my head off, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. All I got for my trouble was a knock upside the head.

“A while later, they hauled me up on deck. We were in the middle of the ocean, miles from anywhere I knew. A woman came over, dressed in the finest captain’s attire I’d ever seen. Introduced herself as Captain Kora Wolf, and started talking. Gloating at me, really. Told me I was on the Sea Snake. That I belonged to her now.” [he scowls, looking up at the rest of the party.] “Those bastards sold me. Slipped something in my drink, tied me up like an animal and sold me.”

[he slumps back, seemingly defeated. His voice is quieter as he continues.]

“I was on that ship for a little over two years. Never set so much as a foot on land the whole time. Spent a fair bit of it in that storage room, too.” [he sighs] “I plotted and planned for months before I was able to escape. Had a few false starts, and got a handful of new scars for my efforts.

“Finally I saw my chance. Most of the crew, including the Captain, [he spits that word like it’s a curse] was on shore. I got out of my cell and made my way up on the deck. Had to knock out a handful of crew to even make it that far.“I knew she had my rapier, since she’d shoved it in my face a few times, and I refused to leave without it. Picked the lock on her cabin door and slipped inside. Thank the gods she hadn’t taken it with her.” [he’s clutching the hilt of the rapier tightly in his lap]

[wiltkingart]

What queer books do you recommend?

oh honey i have a whole rec page here if you're up for anything, but i mostly read adult m/m fiction. lots of weird and old stuff with dark tones more often than not. if you want some specific titles as a flavor list, here's a few favorites! i'll link their storygraph pages so you can read their synopses too:

Fantasy: The Rifter by Ginn Hale (dark fantasy featuring a romance that spans years and time and space in decaying world with a destroyer god, and bones. so many bones. has one of the most interesting and well written story structures i've encountered. very moody and dark, hits just right).

Scifi: Body after Body by Briar Ripley Page (erotic adult scifi novella with transmasc and transfem MCs. dreamlike and grotesque, delicate and stomach churning, it's about a group of mind-wiped laborers tending genetically engineered mutant bodies.)

Historical: The Still by David Feintuch (my book series of all tiiiiiiime. it's fantasy too but mostly medieval military fiction. don't even talk to me about Rodrigo if you're not ready to be hit with a twelve page verbal essay i'm not joking, that is a threat. not a typical romance, expect heartbreak and plenty of it and to never recover.)

Horror: Hexslinger series by Gemma Files (planning a reread of this one soon to see if it still holds up but this series has stuck with me like a fly to molasses. it's a fucked up time full of desperation, Mayan gods and godessess, faggotry, blasphemy, and witchery) go with the Bound in Flesh anthology instead if you want good trans body horror, or Down by Ally Blue for deepsea suspense horror.

Contemporary: All for the Game by Nora Sakavic (you probably know about this classic but for me it still tops most everything else i've read. it's got sports, mafia drama, and trauma). for something a little different (but still traumatic) try Mo Du / Silent Reading by Priest (dark mystery set in China that follows several disturbing cases and the psychology behind them + romance between a detective and a rich pretty boy)

but yeah i talk about books a lot on my personal/main blog @wiltking (in lieu of updating my actual rec pages these days, it seems) if you ever want more real time recs! i'm a book guy. i like books a normal amount :)

[dinodontwait]

Epistles of Love(Preview/Teaser)

Summary: In a charming and new suburb, y/n stumbles upon cryptic letters from Woozi, unveiling a tale of love and heartbreak. As the past unfolds through Woozi's words, will y/n risk her heart to uncover the secrets hidden within each carefully penned letter?

Genre: Romance, Mystery, Suspense, and Contemporary Fiction.

Trope: Slow-Burn, Strangers-to-lovers?

Main Characters: afab!y/n , Woozi, Amour( real names will be revealed later)

Supporting Characters: Jeonghan, Mingyu, Seokmin, Myungho, Suengkwan and Soonyoung(This list might change as the story progresses)

Word Count: 1.3k

Release Date: 28th February

A/N:

Thank you all for your incredible enthusiasm and support! Seeing the strong response to the poll, I couldn't wait to share a sneak peek of what's in store for this story. Brace yourselves for a thrilling ride as I embark on this writing journey. Currently, I've crafted the first part, and I've sprinkled some teasers within this preview.

I'm envisioning this fic to unfold as a mini-series, spanning about 2-3 parts. However, keep in mind that I've only completed part 1, and there might be room for expansion as fresh ideas come my way. My target word count for the entire fic is around 30k, but who knows – that could evolve with the narrative.

As I dive into the world of writing, I'm aware that there might be a few bumps along the way. If you spot any mistakes or have suggestions, please feel free to let me know. I'm still learning and appreciate your input!

Thank you for joining me on this writing adventure. Your encouragement means the world to me! 🌟❤️

Holding the old-fashioned envelope in her hands, y/n hesitated. The letter inside seemed personal, like a peek into someone's private thoughts. She pondered whether to read it or not, feeling a mix of curiosity and respect for the past occupant's privacy.

The vintage style of the envelope, with its intentional old-timey vibe, hinted at a story waiting to be told. The decision to open it felt like standing on the edge of someone else's feelings and memories. The inked words on the letter, still folded, held the potential to reveal a part of someone's life not meant for casual eyes.

The mystery and curiosity won over her reservations. With a quiet determination, y/n decided to unfold the letter, ready to explore the hidden stories and emotions that the pages might unfold. The choice to step into this unknown space felt like opening a door to someone else's past, and she took that step with a mix of trepidation and anticipation.

Dear Amour,

In the silent embrace of this letter, the ink traces the echoes of a day that etched itself into the fabric of my existence.

The day unfolded like a poem, a delicate dance of moments that wove themselves into the very essence of my being. It was as if each passing second became a verse in the story of a land parched for the sweet touch of rain. The air, thick with anticipation, carried me toward a nearby cafe—an enclave of serenity that stood as a refuge from the monotony of the ordinary, a sanctuary where possibilities unfurled like petals in the gentle breeze.

Since the tapestry of my memories began, I've been the silent observer, finding solace in the quiet corners of my home. The contours of my existence were shaped by the solitude I sought, a realm where the whispers of my thoughts resonated in the stillness. Yet, on that fateful day, a gentle pull, like the invisible hands of fate, tugged at the strings of my solitude. It was an urging, a call to step into the unexplored territory of the cafe—a space that held the promise of encounters yet to unfold.

The very decision to step into that cafe marked a departure from the familiar script of my life. The door swung open, not merely to a physical space, but to the uncharted landscapes of possibility. With each step, I traversed the threshold of routine, embracing the unknown with a heart open to the serendipitous wonders that awaited within the walls of that sanctuary.

The aroma of freshly ground coffee beans greeted me, weaving a sensory tapestry that spoke of warmth and familiarity. It was then that I saw her—the girl who, unbeknownst to her, would redefine the contours of my existence. She stood there, a living canvas painted by the hands of fate, the light wind playing a delicate symphony with the strands of her hair.

Her presence seemed like a stroke of destiny, a chapter written in the celestial script of our intertwined stories. As our eyes met, time suspended itself, and the ordinary boundaries of reality blurred. It was a moment that transcended the mundane, as if the universe conspired to orchestrate a connection, an unspoken agreement unfolding in the silent language of glances and smiles.

Her eyes, pools of warmth and mystery, held secrets and stories yet to be told. They mirrored the reflection of a kindred spirit, resonating with a depth that transcended the superficial. It was in that gaze that I felt the tendrils of an invisible thread weaving itself between our souls, binding us in a silent understanding that surpassed the limitations of spoken words.

In the symphony of that moment, the cafe transformed into a sacred space, a stage where our destinies briefly intersected. The ordinary chatter of patrons faded into background noise, leaving only the echo of our shared gaze. And in that silent exchange, a connection was forged, setting in motion a series of events that would shape the course of our intertwined narratives.

The girl I saw was you, and you had me the moment you looked at me. Your gaze became the catalyst for a myriad of emotions, unraveling a story written in the language of fate and woven into the very fabric of our shared existence.

Each recollection of that encounter is like a cherished melody, a timeless tune that plays on a loop in the quiet chambers of my thoughts. The symphony of that moment, the laughter echoing in the cafe, the delicate clink of coffee cups, all compose a melodic ode to the serendipity that unfolded that day. It's a melody that resonates through the corridors of my mind, an everlasting refrain of a connection that defies the constraints of time.

In these moments of reflection, the word "Amour" echoes through my mind, a gentle whisper that transcends the ordinary definitions of fate. It's more than a term; it's a name, a label that carries the weight of our shared connection. The mere utterance of it conjures images of you—the girl who became the focal point of a destiny written in invisible ink.

So, let this letter be a testament to the serendipity that brought us together—the day the drought of my soul quenches its thirst with the rain of your presence. Every word etched on this paper is a silent acknowledgment of the profound impact you've had on the rhythm of my life.

In the quiet solitude of my room, as I pen down these words, I find myself grappling with the uncertainty that shrouds our future. This letter, crafted with the ink of genuine emotions, might never reach your hands. I am left to wonder if our paths will ever cross again, if the serendipity that united us will weave its magic once more.

Yet, even in the face of this uncertainty, I write with a glimmer of hope—a hope that transcends the boundaries of time and distance. This letter becomes a vessel, carrying not only my sentiments but also the silent yearning to see you again. And even if this letter remains unsent, floating in the sea of unsent letters, it stands as a testament to the sincerity of my emotions and the silent hope that someday, our stories will intersect again.

Yours in reminiscence,

Woozi

The words lingered in the air as y/n absorbed the emotions woven into each sentence. The letter had painted a picture of a connection that transcended time and space. The vintage charm of the envelope seemed to have carried not just a message from the past but a piece of a love story waiting to be unfolded.

As she set the letter aside, the room felt different, as if the walls whispered secrets that begged to be heard. It felt like the quiet town held more stories than she had initially imagined, and within its embrace, she found herself entangled in the enigmatic tale of Woozi and Amour. She hoped to find more, but the letter just ends, and she keeps thinking about it. The night enveloped the town in its quiet embrace, and y/n found herself entangled in the web of possibilities. The journey into the unknown had just begun, and the quiet town, with its cobblestone streets and whispered rumors, held the key to a myriad of untold narratives.

With a heart brimming with curiosity, she hoped to uncover the layers of mystery that clung to the very fabric of her surroundings. But for now, the letter remained a silent witness to the unexplored depths of the town's history. Its words, though poignant and evocative, were a mere prologue to the stories that awaited her. As she drifted into contemplation, the vintage envelope and its contents became a beacon, guiding her into a world where love and suspense danced in tandem, inviting her to be a part of a narrative that defied the boundaries of time.

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Queer Book Recommendations!!

I haven't really read a book book in years. Due to money problems and a lack of free time, audiobooks and AO3 were a MUCH cheaper option for me. But now that I'm struggling to fully read text posts on Tumblr I realize my attention span is shot. Reading novels is helping me tune out and focus in again. So I'm turning to queer novels written by my 'queer elders'.

For anyone who is struggling to get back into long form content after reading Fic for years, I highly recommend the books of TJ KLUNE (summaries of what I've read under the break).

If you are a fan of the 'escaping a shitty life and being welcomed into a found family' fanworks, this is the writer for you! All his stories center on home and feeling welcomed and loved. Of middle age and finding out who you are. Of finding love for others and yourself. He makes you hunger for that type of romantic and platonic love where people just know the real you. His stories also float by so quickly, there are so many things he does that I want to emulate his writing into my work.

Someone on Tumblr described the romances as: “what if a real life disney prince fell in love with the human equivalent of a wet paper bag?” and I agree 100%. All his protagonists are just like that, and I love them all.

(Also, this man definitely had an office job he hated, and writes office work culture as a death sentence in every one of his novels and I love it).

If you have any queer novels you love, don't be afraid to leave me a recommendation! (Especially WLW that isn't 'One Last Stop')

HAVE READ: The House in the Cerulean Sea : [An amazing love fantastical found family story (with a hint of romance)! I listened to the audiobook on Audible and absolutely loved it! I can't wait for the sequel coming out next year.]

Linus Baker is a lonely case worker for a governmental organization which manages orphaned kids who are magical beings.

One day, he's given a secret assignment to assess a special orphanage on the island of Marsyas, run by a man named Arthur Parnassus, who has secrets of his own. Among the six unique children living there, one of them is Lucy, short for Lucifer, who just happens to be the Antichrist.

Despite his initial reservations, as Linus's days pass in Marsyas, in this idyllic setting among a coterie of magical children, Linus finds himself coming across a little romance, an unlikely family and possibly even a home.

Currently Reading: Under the Whispering Door. [I know this is going to be heartbreaking, but I'm loving it, only on page 50/373. Will likely post something vague about how it made me cry lol]

When a reaper comes to collect Wallace Price from his own funeral, Wallace suspects he really might be dead.

Instead of leading him directly to the afterlife, the reaper takes him to a small village. On the outskirts, off the path through the woods, tucked between mountains, is a particular tea shop, run by a man named Hugo. Hugo is the tea shop's owner to locals and the ferryman to souls who need to cross over.

But Wallace isn't ready to abandon the life he barely lived. With Hugo's help, he finally starts to learn about all the things he missed in life.

When the Manager, a curious and powerful being, arrives at the tea shop and gives Wallace one week to cross over, Wallace sets about living a lifetime in seven days.

Planning on reading: In The Lives of Puppets(The book is on my shelf).

In a strange little home built into the branches of a grove of trees, live three robots—fatherly inventor android Giovanni Lawson, a pleasantly sadistic nurse machine, and a small vacuum desperate for love and attention. Victor Lawson, a human, lives there too. They’re a family, hidden and safe.

The day Vic salvages and repairs an unfamiliar android labelled “HAP,” he learns of a shared dark past between Hap and Gio–a past spent hunting humans.

When Hap unwittingly alerts robots from Gio’s former life to their whereabouts, the family is no longer hidden and safe. Gio is captured and taken back to his old laboratory in the City of Electric Dreams. So together, the rest of Vic’s assembled family must journey across an unforgiving and otherworldly country to rescue Gio from decommission, or worse, reprogramming.

Along the way to save Gio, amid conflicted feelings of betrayal and affection for Hap, Vic must decide for himself: Can he accept love with strings attached?

[munsonsreputation]

All Of The Girls You've Loved Before

steve harrington x fem!reader (modern day au!!! they dance to taylor at the end!!!!)

word count: [3.1K] I did my best to proof read

warnings: warnings: no use of y/n, established relationship, cursing, talks about previous relationships, basically a bunch of fucking sappy fluff!!!

summary: steve knows he was never the best boyfriend, but things start to change when you and him finally get together thanks to fate. but what happens when steve's past insecurities come out? You do what you do best and let him know that his past made him the the person you've fallen for.

Steve Harrington was a dream come true.

Your dream come true to be exact.

Everyone in Hawkins knew Steven Harrington and all the girls fawned over him, and all the boys despised him. A sort of blessing and curse that was cast upon him ever since he knew what romantic feelings were, even if it was not what it seemed.

He wasn’t going to play dumb and act as if his rap sheet was holy, because it was far from that. His sheet of paper was filled with girls’ names, spanning from years of dating and meaningless flings. Despite the crowded paper, the feeling of it was empty. Those relationships and flings were shallow and superficial, based on nothing more than physical attraction and a desire for popularity.

But his other halves weren’t solely to blame.

Steve knew he wasn’t the best partner out there. There had been many arguments, broken promises, and hurtful words exchanged in his past relationships. He knew that he had made mistakes in the past, but he had never intended to hurt anyone. He had just been young and foolish, trying to figure out who he was and what he wanted in life.

He had always tried to be a good partner, but it seemed like no matter what he did, he always fell short. He couldn’t read their emotions. Didn’t say the right things. Was too pushy or sometimes not pushy enough. Spoke too little about his emotions or not enough. It was a losing battle with his past relationships.

In all honestly, for a long time, Steve Harrington thought he was incapable of ever finding someone to truly settle down with. It was hard to imagine that anyone could see past his past mistakes and flaws and accept him for who he was.

All that Steve had ever known was late night arguments over the phone and pity apologies in person so that he and his partners wouldn’t have to go to bed angry with one another—yet he awoke next to them, still feeling so alone.

Maybe he was just incapable of being a good boyfriend and maybe he was never really worthy of love.

Not until you swept right in.

“Stevie!” you blurted, poking his chin from where your head was resting in his lap.

He braved through his haze of thoughts as your voice echoed in his ears. The movie playing on the TV in front of you two had been long forgotten as he slipped into his pondering and now you who had noticed his glazed over eyes not reacting to anything on the screen.

You poked again, fingers probing into his slight stubble, before he glanced down at you and smiled widely. His big hands, coming down to brush the stray hairs away from your face and forehead, tucking them behind your ears as he stared at you fondly.

You stared right back into his eyes, forgetting why you had caught his attention the moment you both slipped into what was a cloudy lavender-like-haze that you wanted to forever stay in without a care for the outside world.

Somewhere along the lines, your name had found its way onto a fresh set of Steve’s pages in his life. One where your name was the only one written on the page with a big heart around it.

How he was able to get so lucky? He would never know. Weirdly enough, you and Steve weren’t strangers at all. You two were fully aware of each other’s existence but never did he ever think he’d be able to snag a girl like you.

The girl who didn’t care about sneaking into town with the “heartbreak prince” on your arm.

Someone who could fill his life with so much complexity yet simplicity all at once.

The one he would enjoy killing time with doing whatever it was, just if he got to make sure he could hold your hand at any given moment

You’d never forget signing all the girls’ yearbooks when the semester was finally over. An assortment of little notes and doodles littering the back pages of the book. And you’d never fail to see his name written in blue ink in all of them. Everyone treating him like Hawkins’ very own heart-throb, yearning for his little signature just so they could draw teeny tiny red hearts around it and brag to their sisters, mothers, and any other person who was dying to get a slice of Steve Harrington.

You and Steve had spent four years at the same high school together.

Sharing the same hallways.

Sharing mutual acquaintances.

Sharing the same teachers.

The same stage at graduation.

The same small town.

For the longest time, you both were like parallel lines, moving with time and living separate lives, just merely aware of each other’s existence was all. But somehow, a few weeks after graduation, you two ended sharing one more thing with each other before the fuse lit.

A room full of half-drunk graduates drinking beer out of plastic cups and screw top rosé.

For whatever reason you both decided to want to drink that cheapass wine, it set off a chain reaction once your hands brushed against each others and it was like the stars finally aligning and fate took its course.

A conversation you two shared, laughing about how awful it must have tasted so you could have it, but no, you wanted him to have it. Which then led to him grabbing the entire bottle and two plastic cups, asking you to follow him up on the roof where you two sat and drank what now seemed like the priceless wine that started it all.

He was fucking lucky, and he was fully aware of that.

You knew about the girls he’d been seen with before, hearing the rumors whispered in the hallways as he and whoever the hell he was dating at the time passed by and the jealous ones saying she was the lucky one.

It was a cycle.

The girls’ he was seeing being the lucky one’s ones until they weren’t anymore.

Until they’d be in the bathroom surrounded by their girlfriends and consoled after Steve didn’t say “I love you” back.

Or until they realized that Steve wasn’t just going to magically drop the kids he babysat for years for a girl he’d only been talking to for weeks.

And especially until they realized that Steve Harrington wasn’t only looks, but a guy who needed to feel loved—truly loved.

“Is this a staring contest or are we still gawking at each other like lovey dovey idiots?”

Your voice broke the barrier of thoughts again as you giggled. Your eyes squinting closed with each laugh you let out as your chest bubbling—a sight Steve would never get tired of admiring.

“You’re a fucking dream, you know that?” Steve smirked, taking your cheeks in his hands and crouching down to give you a kiss.

You hummed against his partly chapped lips, opening your eyes when he pulled away and retreated to back back against the plush cushions of the couch. Yet his fingers twirled at the ends of your hair, making spirals and letting them fall loosely.

“What kind of dream? Like a nightmare or like a wet one?” Your eyebrows wiggled flirtatiously as he cackled, shaking his head as you giggled some more and finally sat up.

Your head instantly found a home on his shoulder as you threw your legs across his lap. His arms encasing you in the warmth and scent of him. Everything that Steve was.

“A really, really good one, baby. One that I cannot even believe I was able to think up.”

Your bottom lip jutted out affectionately, nudging his cheek with your chin as he looked down at you and never let up on his smile, “You’re too sweet, Stevie.”

Steve thinks you’re the sweetest girl in the fucking universe.

You gave him hope, a whole pocket of it, that maybe just maybe he was capable of love with the right person.

You.

Everything was different with you. Steve had finally found someone who he cared about deeply, someone who he wanted to be a better person for. He knew that he had made mistakes in the past, but he was determined to make things right for you. He wanted to show you how much he cared, and how much he was willing to change for the better.

“What did I do to deserve you?” He proposed, watching the way you thought for a second, so many different reasons flowing through your head.

You shrugged, playing with the fabric of his t-shirt and looking down shyly as you spoke, “I don’t know…all I know is that you swept me off my feet and you haven’t let me down since.”

“Aren’t you such a romantic?” He teased, poking your side making your squeal before playfully smacking his chest with a pout.

“Seriously,” He added, “Sometimes I pinch myself because I can’t believe you’re actually here with me.”

With a look of vulnerability in his eyes, you were slightly taken aback. Sure you and Steve would always brag about how lucky you both were to have each other, but you just knew that this was coming from a different place…a different part of Steve, one where you could instantly catch the insecurity and doubt in his voice.

"What do you mean?" you urged gently, reaching out to take his hand, and look up to meet his eyes, yet now he looked down.

Steve hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “I mean…I don’t know why you would ever want to be with me. I’ve messed up so many times in the past, and I’m still trying to figuring things out.”

He finally looked up at you, brows furrowed as he tried to elaborate, “I—I just feel like I’m always doing something wrong, or that I’m not enough for you. And…I just don’t want to fuck up what we have because of how I treated other girls in the past.”

To be quite honest, you didn’t care about the stories that had been circulating about Steve’s past relationships, because you knew a different version of Steve now. You could tell that he genuinely cared about you, and that he was willing to put in the effort to make things work between you two.

You saw beyond his popularity and charm, and recognized the kind, caring person that he was underneath it all. Right off the bat, Steve was honest with you. He told you about how exhausted he was with meaningless relationships. That he wanted to move past that stage in his life and actually have a connection with someone, you.

He was everything that you ever wanted and you wanted him to see himself the way that you saw him—as a kind, caring person who was worthy of love and affection.

“You do deserve me, Steve,” you said firmly, looking him directly in the eye. “I’m with you because I see the person that you are and not the person you think you’re defined by because of the past.”

As you sat on the couch with Steve, staring into his own unsure eyes, you remember how, when you were younger, you used to think that love was supposed to be crazy and wild. You believed that the more dramatic and intense the relationship, the more you were in love. You thought that fights were an indication of passion and that intense emotions were proof of how much you cared for each other.

But you were so wrong, and you wished you realized that back then, but you knew better now and now you were here with better…Steve.

Your ex-boyfriends used to make you cry and left you hiding away in bathrooms not knowing how to deal with the constant conflict. They had made you feel small and insignificant, and you had thought at the time that it was a normal part of being in a relationship.

You remember how the fights would go on and on without any resolution. You both would talk in circles, never truly hearing each other out, and then one of you would storm out without a word, leaving the issue unresolved. It was exhausting, and you always yearned for something more.

And then you had the privilege and honor of meeting Steve Harrington. The guy who changed the playing field and showed you, for the first time, what love felt like. It wasn’t crazy or wild, but steady and supportive.

You remembered those horrible feelings of the past and you needed Steve to know that the past worries would be defeated soon.

“Remember Ryan?”

His face turned up in confusion and disugst, “Ryan? Your ex-boyfriend? Yeah—wait, why’re we talking about Ryan?”

You laughed a bit, shaking your head as you urged him to listen.

“Ryan was a dick. He made me cry all the time and…I used to think that it was normal. That it was ok.” You paused, taking a deep breath. “He made me feel so unlovable, Steve. Like I would never measure up to be a good girlfriend. Ever.”

Steve squeezed your hand, sensing the importance of your story, “I never thought that I was ever going to be loved because of how he made me feel…but I was so wrong, because I’m sitting here with you.”

Steve looked at you for a long moment, and you could see the doubt slowly melting away from his eyes. “Screw Ryan” he mumbled, making you throw your head back and laugh, nodding as he smiled lightly.

“Yeah, screw him.” You agreed, “And you wanna know something else?”

He hummed, grazing his thumbs across your knuckles as he brought them closer to his lips and laid a kiss to your delicate skin, “What, baby?”

“I’m so thankful for all of the girls you loved before, because they all led you to me.”

You weren’t going to lie, even though you accepted that Steve had quite the track record, it still was intimidating to know he’d been with so many girls—worried that you might just be a name written in his blank space. It might have made you insecure or doubtful in the beginning, but Steve had done more than prove that not only was he a changed man, but that all of those experiences led him right to you.

That all this time, those storms and breakdowns would somehow lead you both together. Wrapping up all of your shared hurt and mistakes in barbed wire in order to understand and sympathize with your respective pasts. That all this time, those parallel lines were ribbons of strings tying you both together.

Steve looks at you, his eyes full of surprise and admiration. “Really?” he asks, his voice tinged with disbelief.

You smile at him, feeling the warmth of his hand in yours as you nodded, “Every single girl you’ve ever loved made you the man that you are now,” you continue. “And I’m in love with you more than any other girl ever was. I see all of the amazing qualities that you have, and I know that they came from the struggles you faced in the past.”

Steve’s eyes crinkle with joy as he takes your face in his hands. Every ounce of doubt he had within himself dissipating with every moment and breath he got to spend here with you. That he would spend forever on this couch delving into both of your feelings if it meant getting the chance to fall even more deeply and madly in love with you than he already was.

Never in a million years did he ever think that he’d be sitting here with you. He knew that his younger self would be racing up and down the hallways of his childhood home and celebrating at the top of his lungs if he knew that he’d be getting to spend every passing second with the girl of his dreams and someone who accepted him for him.

His mother, despite their distant relationship, always told him to never let the right girl slip out of his life because of the wrong decisions. That he would know when he was in love and that when he knew, he best treat her with kindness and stay loyal to her for eternity. That love could last a lifetime if you treat it right.

“You know, I’ve never really loved any other girl except you?” He’s looking back and forth between your eyes, making sure you understand, “Sure, I thought I did at the time, but looking back now, it was nothing compared to what I feel for you.”

Teenage love was nothing compared to what you and Steve had. There was something enchanting and magical that you two had that made it so everything else in the past was lost in the past. That there was no harm in saying goodbye to people who damaged or made you feel less than, because that only led you one step closer to what you always wanted and who you always deserved.

Steve’s words hit you hard, and you can feel your heart swelling with love and gratitude. You lean in and plant a soft kiss on his lips, savoring the sweetness of the moment.

“I love you so much, baby,” you whisper, your forehead pressed against his.

“I love you too, more than anything,” he replies, his arms wrapped tightly around you.

You can feel the warmth of his embrace and the steady beat of his heart against your chest, and it’s like nothing else in the world matters. You know that you’ve found your forever person that you’re going to spend forever with.

“Wanna dance?” you say, breaking the silence.

Steve looks at you with affection, and you can see a soft smile spreading across his face before he gets up, offering you his hand. “Let’s dance, baby.”

“Hey Google, play “Lover” by Taylor Swift.” You announced, grinning back at him as the familiar tune fills the living room of the house that you and Steve had made yours.

You wrap your arms around his neck, and he pulls you close, swaying gently to the music. As you dance, you feel the love and happiness that you have for each other. The two of you stayed there, lost in each other’s embrace, enjoying the simple pleasure of being together.

He leaned in to give you a gentle kiss, feeling grateful for the chance to be with someone who makes him feel so loved and understood. You both know that love isn’t always easy, but with each other, it feels like it’s worth all the effort.

You know that this moment, and this love, is exactly how forever should feel.

A/N: all credits to taylor swift for writing and releasing this beautiful song!!!! this song is so fucking steve coded that I literally had to run and make this and funny enough finished it in one sitting!!! let me know what you think and please interact by reblogging, commenting, adding tags, and liking!!! it's greatly appreciated!! 🧸💘💫

taglist (if you would like to be added just leave a comment!): @translatemunson @kennedy-brooke @manda-panda-monium @tvserie-s-world

[dunavision]

Doujinshi Escaflowne Tales #3: “Second chance” first arc (2013-2015)

“Second chance” is a emotionally charged story that delves into the complexities of mental illness, the enduring power of love, and the indomitable spirit of human resilience. Inspired by the beloved anime series, Escaflowne, this fanfiction work takes readers on an journey by imagining the futures of the show’s beloved characters long after the original series concludes.

Spanning an impressive 200 pages, “Second chance” is a labor of love that showcases my dedication during the almost three years I worked on it. It’s not perfect, as I’m not a profesional, but it really made me happy. The updates on social media gathered a bunch of people interested in my work and at the end I even printed it and sold some copies!

You can read the whole story at Devianart (bigger size, better readability)

Summary (spoilers)

Hitomi Kanzaki is now 25 years old and suffers from depression, a condition that has made her retreat from the world and isolate herself. She exists in a perpetual state of numbness, simply going through the motions of daily life. However, fate has other plans for her.

One morning she finds herself transported back to the mystical world of Gaea, a place she thought she had left behind forever. Her return brings her face to face with her old friends and companions, such as Millerna and Allen Schezar. But the reunion does little to lift her spirits, as she grapples with the weight of her own despair.

Hitomi’s apprehension grows as she anticipates the moment she will once again encounter Van, her former lover. The passage of time has changed them both, and she worries that their connection may no longer be as strong as it once was. Little does she know that in her absence, Van has become obsessed with her, crafting a cult that worships her as a mythological goddess of fortune. This revelation only adds to Hitomi’s burden, as she must navigate her complex emotions and unravel the truth behind Van’s newfound devotion.

To complicate matters further, Merle has also grown and now openly declares her love for Van. Suspicion and reticence fill the air whenever Hitomi is present, casting a shadow over her hopeful reunion with Van.

As Hitomi navigates through this new chapter of her life, she shares with Van that her time on Gaea was greatly misunderstood by those she left behind at Earth. The people who were supposed to support her instead labeled her as mentally ill and delusional, forcing her into therapy and medication. The heartbreak of this realization weighs heavily on her soul, but it also serves as a catalyst for her to begin anew.

With newfound determination and clarity, Hitomi opens her heart to Van, revealing the depth of her love for him. In the end, Hitomi finds solace in the arms of Van, as they rediscover their deep, soulful connection. They are ready to embrace the unknown, leaving behind the ghosts of their past and stepping into a bright new chapter of their lives.

[watatsumiis]

hey! ty for liking my tsaritsa so much!!! i'd love to hear more of your thoughts on her, if there are any!

omg of course, she's absolutely stunning, your art style does her so much justice (and honestly is just an awesome gorgeous style in general!!) and tbh your design is how I picture her in my head now !!

I have a lot of thoughts and ideas about the Tsaritsa, a lot of them are just kind of ~vibe~ based and hard to convey, but i'll toss them beneath the cut!

I really like the theory that her 'ideal' is love, like it's such a fun and interesting concept

like, to begin with i imagine she was a very kind deity, not in a familiar way, but in a general sort of .. benevolent to her subjects and open to those that sought an audience with her. Not exactly 'warm', but not entirely shutting them out either

though i imagine that sort of hollowed out as time wore on and she realised that even being an actual deity didn't give her the power she needed to be able to make any real tangible changes to things or help those who were doomed from the start (which is probably a big part of why shes so anti-celestia or whatever)

despite her despair and attitude towards romantic love sort of withering, she places a heavy emphasis on familial love (including found family) and on forming bonds that will stand the test of toil and time

she comes off very aloof, especially to those beneath her, and will actively try to avoid being around others if she can help it. She dislikes forming close attachments

this isnt to mean that she doesn't care. she just cares so much that the only way she can deal with it is by distancing herself, or else she's just setting herself up for repeated heartbreak when her loved ones inevitably die.

the exception to this ? pierro.

pierro is cursed with undeath, and even before that he was someone with a fiercely loyal (and stubborn) streak.

they both told themselves theyd never allow themselves to become attached to someone else after all the losses theyd been through, but in making this pact alongside one another they basically sealed their own fate

there are no simple words for the kind of intertwined, codependent, epic-spanning love-hate they have for one another.

their bond was one forged in the fires of loss and hardened by the ice of grief. despite what they both may say, they're in it for the long haul. Tsaritsa has slowly become accustomed to this idea. Pierro has not and will still vehemently deny it.

i guess to really shave it down id call it a queerplatonic relationship. something unholy and gorgeous. two flowers holding onto a cliffside by the tips of their roots and growing around one another.

the second 'exception' is columbina. i imagine she's like a weird nibling to the tsaritsa. she was picked to be amongst the harbingers because of her ability to light up any room she's in (i imagine tsaritsa secretly has a nickname for her that's somewhere along the lines of 'songbird' because of her voice ngl)

outside of this, the tsaritsa is cool and aloof and works very hard to maintain her composure, especially when under scrutiny. she is brilliant at keeping this facade in place.

until she's no longer in the public gaze, that is.

i like to think she's a tiny bit of a goofball, she has a soft spot for 'dad jokes' that make pierro roll his eyes and rub his temples, and she quite enjoys wine (im sorry but if she were a facebook mom her page would be minion memes and posts talking about how its wine o-clock)

she also rather enjoys slapstick humour - there are a few dottore clones running around who have perfected it enough so that she has to cover her mouth with a hand to stop her subjects from seeing the way her lips twitch upwards as she holds back her laughter

she's also really, really petty. not that she'd ever do anything about it, but more than once pierro has found himself in her chambers late at night, watching as she paces back and forth, her sixth glass of wine in hand, and complains about how that 'brick-brained geo archon just won't sign the damn contract! isn't that his entire shtick?!'

she also has a soft spot for kids, or people who have a youthful energy about them. it reminds her that maybe not all is bad in the world, and that she's going to change it for the better for their sake.

I like to think she's extremely good at various sports - i love the idea featured on the asker's blog about her having an elk instead of a horse. that's so cool and lives in my brain rent free and forever tbh. her and pierro on their steeds racing through a snowy forest on a rare free afternoon

i think she would've once been the type to enjoy prosey, flowery words, long poems, romantic tales of star-crossed lovers, that kind of thing. she read a lot and even wrote some. not any more though.

she has a very stern and strict air about her and won't hesitate to play into that if she feels like she needs to, but honestly she's got a good sense of humour on her. things that pierro scolds the other harbingers and such for are often things that she secretly finds really funny

though ALSO she's a stickler for good manners. i like to think that has extended to the snezhnayans , who are, when dealing with those outside of their immediate familial circles, are super duper polite (even if their tones may come off as abrupt). there's also a very heavily laid-on vibe of 'respect your elders' in snezhnaya.

she has such motherly vibes, but in a really standoffish way. she wont tell someone directly that she cares about them or what happens to them, but it'll be rerouted through like three other people like a game of telephone. like, yeah, that one person she caught shivering while on guard is gonna get a nice new pair of gloves but it will be from an anonymous donor (or just shoved into their hands by pierro with an annoyed grunt)

honestly now ive started im kind of finding it hard to stop but i just adore the tsaritsa so much and i love love love how you draw her so much, she's just so amazing and feels so like.. real, y'know? thank you so much for this ask, i really enjoyed rambling and thinking about the tsaritsa some more. i think your design and ideas should be canon actually

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Every week I will post various reviews I've written so far in 2024. You can check out my Goodreads for more up-to-date reviews HERE.

___

196. My Love Mix-Up! Vol. 7 by Wataru Hinekure (writer) , Aruko (Illustrator) , Jan Mitsuko Cash (Translator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm happy I'm slowly devouring this series because I can make it last as long as possible. Watching these characters grow and fall further in love, or challenge their ideas of what love should look like is quickly becoming something I'm looking forward to reading every month.

This volume focused a lot on meeting parents and how each dynamic looks. I definitely giggled and thoroughly enjoyed the side couple's adventure in meeting the one set of parents. I never expected the dad to be the way he was, but he was hilarious and it makes a lot of sense why that character is the way she is.

The main couple also had some cute moments and some great discussions about the communication between the two of them and what they wanted in their futures. It was overall adorable, but also heartfelt.

Onto the next volume!

___

197. Friends with Boys by Faith Erin Hicks--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really enjoyed FRIENDS WITH BOYS, I just wish that it was either longer, or part of a series.

The relationship between the MC and her brothers was full of complexity that made them realistic. I think the author did a good job of showing the relationship between the twins and how some connections change with growing up. One of the great mysteries I'd have liked to see explored more is the kids' relationship with their mother and how she isn't a part of their lives anymore.

I also would have loved to see more of these budding feelings the MC and one of her new friends hinted at during the story itself. And I really, really liked the new friendships that the MC finds when she feels at her loneliest. Which brought us to the history of one of the new friends and how anyone is capable of change, but even change can't alter the behaviour of someone in the past.

FRIENDS WITH BOYS explores the complexities of bullying, family, history, friendships, growing up, abandonment, grief, and overcoming judgments. I liked how Hicks tackled all of these topics, while still including a creepy undertone with the haunting.

With all of that being said, the ending felt rushed and feels super incomplete. I know that maybe this is intentional because it's supposed to just capture a moment in time for these kids, but I do wish I had more.

Overall, this was an enjoyable read and I think it'd be a great one for those readers on the cusp of high school. I hope the author re-explores this world in the future!

___

198. My Summer of You Vol. 1 by Nagisa Furuya--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was very surprised by MY SUMMER OF YOU. It was cute, but so heartfelt. It also dealt with such a great friendship that turned to more and I loved seeing that journey for both of the characters. I could feel the angst and the slow burn in this, even as that heavy feeling of heartbreak lingered over the pages.

I know there are more in books in this series, but I loved how this story was captured in one volume. I thought that this story felt like one of those nostalgic summer experiences one might recall from their high school years, when they knew they were on the cusp of change.

If you want a pretty sweet story of two friends who move into potential love in the span of a summer, then this is the manga for you!

___

199. Punch Drunk Love Vol. 2 by Moscareto,Okdong(Illustrator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Where volume one of PUNCH DRUNK LOVE was endearingly odd and over the top, this one was starting to verge on cringey territory. I still enjoyed the hell out of it and devoured it, but even I had to pause at times to just shake my head at this MC.

I did feel bad for him at times, though--especially because his interest is so definite and pure that seeing the other guy treat him badly had my empathy going wild. I wanted him to have one of those moments where he just stepped back and let the love interest miss him, but then I realized it would completely go against his character.

We got some more background for the love interest and some good reasoning for why he is the way he is. I'm so curious to see how he's going to be when he finally gives into the MC fully (which may or may not have been hinted at here). I'm definitely looking forward to volume three, because I need to know how chaotic these goblins will get in the future.

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200. Mind Games by Nora Roberts--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

One of the things I really enjoy about Nora Roberts is how wary I always am of reading one of her books but then when I'm midway through the book I always come to the realization that I'm really, really enjoying myself.

There is a kind of comfort in the somewhat predictable nature of her novels.

MIND GAMES had a paranormal twist to it that made it slightly different from so many of her other romantic suspense books. I do find it entertaining how coincidental some of the character connections are. Like, what are the chances that THAT would be the love interest?

I think books like this one, even though they have jarring violent language sometimes from the antagonist (I don't mean swearing, I mean dark, murderous shit and misogynistic language to get a reaction out of the reader), are perfect for summer because they're so dependable. That's probably why I'm so hooked on Roberts' books.

I loved the relationship between the FMC and her grandmother and felt my heart break for her after the tragedy the family experiences. I would have wished a bit more of the one side of the family--in a weird way, that felt a little like a plot hole. Although, I AM grateful that it took some drama out of the whole thing.

The ability was cool and made me think a bit of INCEPTION, which I was not expecting. These FMCs always have such interesting jobs, I wonder what the next character will be!

Overall, this was enjoyable. It wasn't mind-blowing, but it was fun and had its darker moments. Another successful Roberts read!

___

201. The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The way that THE GOOSE GIRL is told may be simplistic to some, but I enjoyed it particularly for this reason. I think I would have enjoyed the heck out of this when I was younger, especially because of how the story begins and then proceeds to prove that the princess is indeed a badass.

I know this is an older title, but I feel like THE GOOSE GIRL is a hidden gem--kind of like THE WINTER KING (but of course, more age appropriate for younger readers). There was such a great sense of adventure and survival in this, plus I loved the fact that the princess had to hide who she was in order to survive. (I love a great underdog story).

This had a very low level romance, but I enjoyed that because this isn't really a story about the Princess and her future love interest--this was more about the MC herself and how she can come to accept and learn who she really is. She is also, quite literally, the epitome of the theme that "being different" can be a thing of beauty, despite what society tells you.

Anyway, I really, really liked this book and I want to read the second one soon. I can't wait to dive back into this world!

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202. Kick at the Darkness by Keira Andrews--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love Keira Andrews and she honestly has yet to let me down. KICK AT THE DARKNESS is one of her older titles and it was so much more than I was anticipating.

First of all, can we get a round of applause for the surprising third character in this book? That motorcycle is a pure hero and the fact that it was so protected during the whole book scratched at an itch I didn't know I had when it comes to apocalyptic novels (I always wonder what happens to the things characters leave behind in their attempts to survive). I love that it was to the point where near the end I was asking "What about the motorcycle?"

I kind of wish we had gotten a dual POV story, BUT I also understand why we didn't after a certain reveal. I like thinking back on all the hints I missed and how it all added up nicely when everything was revealed. I wasn't expecting it and it added a whole different layer to the story.

I liked how the two characters navigated their tense relationship. That enemies-to-lovers trope worked hard in this book. It was one of the major draws to the story for me and I loved seeing how much of a cinnamon roll one of the characters was, while the other one just started to melt for him.

I loved the road trip aspect and the connection between the two characters. The survival and misadventures as they travelled through the country was one of my favourite themes in this genre of fiction. It was spicy and had some surprising bits. Anyway, I loved this and I DO want to read the sequel one day.

I continue to love this author.

___

203. Heat Stroke by Tessa Bailey--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Okay, first of all, I didn't know Tessa Bailey had an MM romance. I will say that, despite how much I DID actually enjoy these two characters together, it was interesting to read a MM book from an author who I didn't even know wrote one or two MM books. There were a few scenes that...could have used some more research.

Anyway, the story itself was incredibly enjoyable. The one character being the biggest golden retriever was adorable af. But I liked that despite he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, he had goals and he strived to achieve them, even if the people around him didn't believe he could succeed. I also felt for his internal battle with his sexuality and how those he loved would perceive him if the truth was revealed. Even though this will always be a heartbreaking trope in certain MM romances.

The other MC was fun because he was so determined to be one way, that it was definitely enjoyable watching his facade just completely fall. I love characters who are so set in their ways that they don't realize when the love interest has gotten under their skin. He also had a horrible event happen to him in the past, so I can understand his hesitancy and guilt.

I picked this up because they're both lifeguards and I was craving more lifeguard MM stories. While the characters were cute together and I loved the angst, I do wish there was more lifeguarding bits. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes a very specific craving for a certain theme in a book hits and it's a little disappointing when I don't get a lot of what I thought I was going to when I first picked up the book.

Anyway, despite the lack of true lifeguarding (lmao), I enjoyed this and recommend to lovers of MM. Just keep in mind that the sex scenes are hella unrealistic and could have used a lot more research. Yes, they were spicy, but it felt very hetero but with an LGBTQ+ label on them (certain situations were incredibly unrealistic).

___

Have you read any of these books? What were your thoughts?

___

Happy reading!

[allthatsleftintheworld]

The Only Light Left Burning - Live blog (spoilers)

Andrew (chapter 2)

I’ve gotta say, I really love Eric’s writing pace. Leaving Jamie’s chapter on the hurricane and then dipping into the more day-to-day apocalypse issues is a nice touch. And with Andrew’s chapter I’m once again reminded why first person POV books are elite, his anxiety spiral is REAL. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking love Jamie, but I always feel comfort being in Andrew’s shoes in a weird way. I think they fit me better. Weird analogy, anyway…

Andrew interacting with the kids is lovely, and the humour in his internal monologue always gets me. Plus The Kid is very sweet. I have a horrible gut feeling that we’re getting introduced to these characters in preparation for them being taken over by fort Carolina, and now that I’m a mum it’s putting me on edge. But that’s a good thing, I want the book to make me invested in these characters, and I am in the span of literally a couple of pages.

Rocky Horror I am going to be so sad when you eventually use your body as a human shield to save Andrew from whoever is trying to kill them in this book. That is my prediction. I don’t know if it’s just because Eric has alluded to this book being absolutely heartbreaking, but the second I fall in love with a character I’m convinced he’s going to kill them off in a tragic way. And I may be taking this too personally, but Eric if you kill off this heavily tattooed character I’m going to think it’s a slight on me.

Last note, “where does one find lube in the apocalypse?” Did Eric read my fic? I’m concerned. I chose to believe he skimmed it and didn’t notice how rusty my writing is. Also it was a two year time jump so as long as Andrew doesn’t figure out the answer to this question during the book, my fic stays canon compliant.

[roslynnnikole-blog]

It's taken me days to try to articulate what I feel about Crescent City in one, coherent rant. Specifically, this first book..

There was SO much world building; I was practically pixelating into Lunathian, itself, watching the buildings rise around me, the river, the people.

Then? The story. Already ripping my heart out in just a few chapters. Now... The story continues. Twists, turns, surprise, and realization. This is NOT first person narration. The main characters hide much of their thought process until it's time for a reveal. We get to be surprised alongside other characters.

Now, let's get into SJM's ability to make all Hel break loose in the final 100 pages. I was STRESSED. I was INVESTED. I was... Completely, utterly, and unapologetically SHATTERED. I've never cried so hard, felt so much heartbreak, anxiety, and hope in such a short span of a book.

I still haven't fully recovered, even after finishing the series. My throat catches in desperate love and devotion amongst these characters. All I have to say from here? "Light it up." 😭🌙⚡✨

[fettesans]

Top, screen captures from various webcams in Austria, Italy and Germany showing Northern Lights, May 10, 2024. Via Nahel Belgherze. Bottom, Clarence John Laughlin, Woman Attacked by a Cloud (Descent of a Cloud), 1941, Silver gelatin print. Via.

--

Throughout The Mystery Guest, Boullier certainly does not sound like a man in top form, and his willingness to make himself appear buffoonish saves the book from being an agonizing exercise in flowery self-pity. In the kind of perfectly ironic detail that could only come directly from real life, he decides to distinguish himself by spending more than a month’s rent on a bottle of 1964 Margaux, only to learn that as part of her artistic practice, Calle keeps all of her birthday gifts in storage in their original wrapping. (If he really had been Jesus Christ, a bottle of Evian would have sufficed.) At the party, Boullier talks shit, and crosses the line between anonymous, iconoclastic interloper and garden-variety wine-drunk jerk. The prose is breathless, sometimes drunk seeming itself, and there is something realistic, even touching, about its perpetual ricocheting between hope and despair, often within the span of a single sentence. It is a tightly written portrait of the artist as a young(ish) mess, and its ingenuity lies in its positioning of the “mystery guest” as an idealized state that exists in diametric opposition to the thoroughly unmysterious position of the ex-lover. Familiarity breeds contempt, and it can also hasten breakups. If Boullier can make himself unknowable enough again, perhaps he can represent not only Calle’s future but also that of the woman who once loved him.

His problem—much to our delight, since this dilemma is what lends the book its jittery edge—is that he cannot be mysterious to save his life. In the final pages of the book, Boullier and Sophie Calle meet again some years later, and despite his misogynistic flinching at her age (“in five years she’d be fifty-five, and then sixty, and that vision was hopeless and implacable”), it becomes clear that they are twin souls, if not necessarily cut out to be lifelong soulmates: obsessed with fate, and to some degree with themselves, they have an eye for the kind of minor details that make for terrific fiction, even when they are supposedly recording facts. For a time after this meeting, they were lovers, until Boullier eventually sent her a meandering, self-important breakup email. Calle—in a move that a man so obsessed with signs surely ought to have foreseen—anonymized him as “X” and turned the email into her 2007 entry for the Venice Biennale, Take Care of Yourself, asking women from 107 different professions, from a cruciverbalist to a Talmudic scholar, to interpret his words. If dumping a writer is a risky move, dumping an artist might be more dangerous still: like an invading force, they tend to recruit collaborators.

Philippa Snow, from We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - Two French authors’ dueling narratives of heartbreak, for Bookforum, Spring 2024.

[streamafterlaughter]

Fundamental Differing

gif credit

masterlist | playlist | chapter vi

Chapter VII: Soft But Estranged

summary: an off day on tour doesn’t mean an off day for partying! The entire touring family heads out for what’s supposed to be a fun night off on the Vegas Strip.

tags/warnings: so much angst it’s gross, mutual pining, rockstar!eddie x rockstar!reader, slow burn, hurt/slight comfort, pining, longing, break up, excessive drinking

a/n: i’m turning up the dial on this fic to 11. angst to the max. no fluff all pain. torture. enjoy! Disclaimer: I do not give permission to have my work reposted on other sites. Reblogs are more than welcome, but please inform me if you find my work elsewhere unless otherwise stated. Reblog to support the author!

——

October 1989

“Oh, honey, come here.” Robin pulls you into a tight hug, letting you sob and snot into her shoulder. It’s three in the morning, and you’ve been drinking yourself into a stupor. You left Eddie a week ago, and haven’t been able to breathe right since. Seeing the video for The Crawl on MTV this morning sent you into a dizzying depression, remembering the days when Eddie would sit at the kitchen table trying to put the chords together. You wished you were with him, on tour, greeting him with kisses after every set. But he left for tour yesterday without telling you, and you only found out when Dustin asked why you weren’t with him. You hadn’t had the heart to tell him you’d broken up with him, so Steve had to break the news.

“I just don’t get it. Why didn’t he try harder? Why didn’t he fight for us?” You weep into the fabric of Robin’s shirt as she rubs your back in soothing circles.

“I don’t know, love, but he’s a fucking idiot.”

Present day

Your POV

Your issue of SPIN comes out today, and your heart is slamming in your chest in line to check out. In your hands is a copy of the magazine, a picture of Corroded Coffin plastered across the cover. Eddie’s eyes seem to glare even from the glossy paper, his arms crossed over his bare chest while the rest of his bandmates stand behind him, looking equally stoic. In the top corner of the page reads, Femme Punk Takeover: An Interview with Death Dance Approximately. You read the words over and over, refusing to spoil the spread for yourself until you’re alone and safe to scream with your friends about it.

Once you exit the store, magazine clutched in your hand, you speed walk back to the hotel you’re staying in. Today is your off day, but tomorrow you play a show on the one and only Las Vegas Strip. Your plans include celebrating the magazine spread by drinking yourselves silly.

Back in your hotel room, you kick your shoes off and fling yourself onto the bed. Robin’s out shopping with Steve, and Sylvie and Lilith are getting lunch, so you have the afternoon to yourself. Instead of diving right into your own spread, you curiously turn the pages until you find the Corroded Coffin interview. It spans four full pages, including photographs and quotes in bold, big lettering. You swear to yourself you’ll only skim, but that promise is quickly broken when you read the first sentence.

Kings of Rock, Corroded Coffin, sit uncomfortably in their folding director-esque chairs, as if sitting for an interview is the least punk thing they could be doing. Their frontman fidgets with his gleaming silver rings, his lips pressed together in concentration or annoyance.

Jessie Stevens: So, on your new album Freak Show, there’s a song titled Sweetheart. It’s far different from the rest of the tracks, a calming break before the climax of Severed Thumb and Wiped Clean. What influenced this mood change?

Eddie Munson: Sweetheart is about someone that was once very close to me. It’s about love and loss, and a whole shit ton of heartbreak, and the one person that never made me feel like, the freak, y’know?

J: Do you still talk to this person?

The frontman’s face falls a little, like he’s reminded of something upsetting.

E: It’s… complicated.

You roll your eyes. It’s not complicated, the answer is a firm no. You and Eddie don’t talk, not more than you’re forced to. You continue scanning the article, until you find something else that catches your eye.

J: You’re currently touring with Death Dance Approximately, who are quickly moving up in the world of rock. What advice would you give them as seasoned rockstars?

Munson pauses, looking at his bandmates with a question in his eyes.

E: I guess I’d tell them never to let go of themselves. I lost myself for a while, honestly I’m still pretty lost. The industry is brutal, it takes so much of your soul away from you, and if I could go back and tell myself one thing, it would be not to let go of who I was. I miss that person.

You read Eddie’s answer, over and over, your eyes stinging. You miss who Eddie was, before signing, before giving in to fame and attention the way he has. Desperately, you want to believe that sweet boy is still in there somewhere. You think he is, after the events of last night, but you’re not sure how to yank him out of the steel shell he’s built around himself.

Further down, one more thing catches your attention.

J: Do you wish you’d done anything differently? Whether it be in your career, or in your life outside of it?

E: I wish I fought harder for my people. I lost someone I loved so much. I let them walk out of my life without any objection. I wish so badly that I could’ve made them stay, but… It was too late. I’ll never know now. I’ll never get to fix it.

Munson’s bandmates look to each other knowingly, clearly aware that the mysterious person he speaks of is the reason for his sour mood.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” It’s barely a whisper, despite no one being in the room with you. All he had to do was ask, and you’d tell him everything. Why you left, what would’ve made you stay, but he’d rather tell the whole world he fucked up than just apologize to you.

—

Eddie’s POV

His copy of SPIN lay open in his lap as he reads the Death Dance interview. His bandmates are god knows where, enjoying their day off while Eddie mopes in his hotel room.

J: How do you guys feel about touring with one of the biggest names in rock?

Eddie rolls his eyes at the question, knowing you probably hated hearing his band brought up in your interview.

Y: I mean, we knew them growing up. It’s really cool to see them all again, and we’re honored to tour with them.

Eddie’s surprised you’d even mention knowing him at this point, it makes his heart beat a little faster.

J: You know Corroded Coffin?

Y: Yeah! I moved to Hawkins my senior year, where I met Robin, and they were all seniors. We played DnD together, made music together. We lost touch after high school, but the world is so small.

J: Is that what Indiana is about?

Y: In some respects, yeah. Indiana was a huge change from where I grew up in Boston, a much smaller, more conservative place for sure.

Eddie puts the magazine down, and reaches for his CD player. He skips to track 5, and closes his eyes as the guitars wail in his ears. He only knows parts of the song, from hearing it live when he can stomach watching your set, but somehow it feels like listening for the first time.

I’m from a city where no one knows each other / where we walk down streets avoiding eyes and shoving by / and when I moved to Indiana, I began to understand why / I wasn’t meant for smaller towns, where everyone knows my name, / but you had been there, my saving grace, / and now I miss the comfort. / I miss the sounds of singing birds, and the crackle of a fire. / I moved back to the city, and though it’s pretty, / it’s no longer what I know. / Indiana wasn’t home, but I found my home there / In the warmth of your eyes and the smell of your hair / I let myself believe I could make my life here / and when I lost you, I lost everything. / Indiana wasn’t home, but I found my home there. Indiana wasn’t home, and I lost my home there.

He plays the song four times before he can bring himself to breathe right again. Eddie can hear your heart breaking through your voice, the way it cracks on the chorus, the way you belt the final verse. All at once, he understands why you left, why you felt you had no choice. He was drowning in the pressure of being famous, leaving you behind to watch him from the shadows.

—

Your POV

You finally throw the magazine down, and rush to shower and get ready to go out. Tonight is your night off, a night to relax and not think about the boy across the hall. It’s easier said than done, though, as your mind keeps wandering to that final paragraph. I’ll never know now. I’ll never get to fix it. All he had to do was ask. You’d tell him everything; why you left, what could have gotten you to stay. But he’s been so cold, so distant with you, and you can’t really blame him. It’s just as difficult for you to be on tour with him, but you’re still trying to be mature about it.

Your spiral is disturbed by a knock on your door. You clip your earrings in and rush to answer it, smoothing your shirt to make sure you’re presentable. You open the door to Robin and Steve, their arms linked together like best friends on the playground. Both of them are dressed up, Steve in a button down and black slacks, Robin in sequined overalls that scream Vegas! They greet you with gleaming smiles, and you move aside to let them in.

“I’m almost ready! Any idea where we’re going?” You ask them both before pulling your lipstick out of your bag.

“We’re taking the strip by storm! It’s a group outing, everyone’s coming!” Robin claps her hands together

“Everyone?” You quirk an eyebrow, looking at her in the mirror.

She bites her lip and glances at Steve, who only shrugs. “Yeah, Gareth and Jeff overheard us planning, and we figured some bonding was in order. But don’t worry! We can separate when we get there.”

You smack your lips together and shrug. “It’s not me you have to worry about.” You turn to face them, extending your arms to present your glammed up self. “How do I look?”

“Like you’re gonna rip Eddie’s soul out of his bod— Ow!” Steve rubs where Robin has elbowed his arm. “You look beautiful.” He recovers, and you stick your tongue out at him.

“Let’s get goin’ then!” Robin heaves herself off the bed, and you hold the door for her and Steve, following them out the door.

—

The casinos are the most insane thing you’ve ever experienced. The bright lights almost blind you, and the sounds of slot machines are so loud you can’t hear yourself think. It’s no wonder no one wins these things, it’s impossible to concentrate.

“C’mon!” Sylvie grabs hold of your wrist, leading you and your bandmates to the blackjack table. You glance behind you, sending a help me look to Steve, who shrugs in defeat as he follows Eddie and Jeff to the bar.

“Robin, I don’t know how to play!” You object, but she’s already sitting in a free stool by the dealer.

“No worries, babe, this is all on me. I just want you all to watch me win!” She’s buzzed, having gulped her champagne down in the car on the way here. You giggle at her confidence, knowing damn well she also has no idea how to gamble.

“Whatever you do, don’t bet our royalties.” Lilith nudges her, hiccuping on her own bubbly.

“Yeah, yeah. Hit me!” She slaps the table, and the dealer smirks like he knows he’s about to watch Robin lose all of her disposable income.

—

Eddie’s POV

“Whiskey, neat.” He orders his drink, flopping down on an empty stool. Steve sits next to him, while Jeff orders drinks for himself and Gareth. “Come hang out, man!” Jeff calls when he receives his drinks, already walking to the table his bandmates sit at with yours. Eddie nods a response, nursing his drink.

“You gotta at least try to enjoy yourself tonight.” Steve says, taking a sip of what looks like fruit punch.

“I am enjoying myself, Steven” Eddie holds up his whiskey, as if to prove the point. Steve glares at him, and Eddie takes a swig. “What?”

“You’re moping! You’re a famous rockstar on a cross country tour, and you’re moping. Had I known you were gonna be a drama queen this whole time I would’ve brought a goddamn book to read.”

Eddie groans, taking another sip. “I know, I know. I’m miserable.”

“You need to talk to them.” Steve says bluntly, not looking at Eddie.

“Why would I do that?”

“I know you want to.”

“I do not!”

Steve snorts, and Eddie presses his lips together in annoyance. “You read that interview, right?” Eddie nods. “So you know they talk about you now. You’re on their mind. You listen to the song they mentioned?” He nods again. “So you still care about what they have to say. What’s stopping you? Why are you so fucking scared?”

Eddie turns in his chair, back to where your band sits at the table, anxiously watching as Robin plays another round. Your face is pink, caused by the alcohol or the warmth of the building. Your shirt hugs your frame tightly, accentuating your features. You lift a glass of champagne to your lips, pinky extended, leaving a smear of red lipstick on the rim of the glass. Your eyes sparkle with excitement as your friends cheer Robin on. You have a happy glow to you, and it takes everything inside of Eddie to rip his eyes away. “What’s stopping me is the fact that they deserve better.” Eddie grumbles, gulping the rest of his liquor down and calling the bartender over. “I don’t want to ruin this for them. I’m already here, and that can’t be easy. I want them to enjoy this experience, I don’t want to intrude on it.”

“So, what, you’re just gonna drink yourself to death every time we have an outing? You think that isn’t causing them any distress? Your liver is gonna deteriorate soon, man. May wanna figure out a different strategy.”

“Will you get off my ass about drinking, Harrington? It’s rich, coming from the kid that shotgunned like sixty beers a week his freshman year of high school.”

Steve chuckles, and Eddie can’t hide the grin creeping onto his face. “Fair enough. But that was high school. I didn’t have a billion fans relying on me not to die of alcohol poisoning.”

“Nah, just the six hundred Hawkins High students. Big whoop!” Eddie emphasizes his point with a show of jazz hands. “Either way. If I’m gonna talk to them, I’m gonna be drunk when I do it.” Eddie gulps down his second drink in one go, feeling the effects of the alcohol starting to kick in.

“Whatever, dude. You wanna go play some cards?” Steve offers his hand, and Eddie takes it begrudgingly, yanking himself away from the bar and into the mass of the crowded casino. He’s forced to squeeze by you, apologizing under his breath as he brushes against your back, sidestepping between the tables. You don’t seem to notice. He takes his place next to Gareth, and Steve stands firmly between him and you, a bridge neither of you dare to cross. Eddie feels your eyes on him, and it takes everything inside of him not to look back. Instead, he’s dealt into the next hand, planning only to play one round as a distraction from your presence. The waiter drops off another round of drinks, and Eddie slaps his palm on the table. “Deal me in.”

—

“Okay, that’s enough!” Steve yanks on an objecting Eddie’s arm, hauling him away from the table. He’s already lost a good chunk of change, both at the table and to the expensive drinks he’s been gulping down. Despite his objections, Steve manages to drag Eddie out of the casino unscathed.

“Here,” Steve sticks a cigarette between Eddie’s lips and lights it for him. “Sober up a little.”

Eddie plucks the lit stick from his mouth and exhales, the cool night air bathing his warm face.

“Where,” Eddie’s eyes are glassy, his vision blurring as he takes in his surroundings.

“We’re outside the casino. Waiting for the car.” Steve lights a cigarette for himself, inhaling as Eddie does the same.

“Where’s Y/n?” He realizes suddenly that he hasn’t seen you in hours.

“Back at the hotel. They left a while ago, but you didn’t want to get up. Sometime around your fourth hand, when you accused the dealer of cheating.” Eddie looks down at his feet, seeing four of them, and hums in response. “They told me to make sure I get you home safe.”

He looks back up to his friend, cautiously optimistic. “They said that?”

Steve nods, a smirk on his face. “Told me they’d kick my ass if anything happened to you. So I’m keeping my promise.” The car pulls up, and Steve opens the door for Eddie. “C’mon, in ya go.”

Eddie lets his eyes slip closed as the car starts moving, promising himself he won’t throw up on Steve. He thinks of all the ways he could possibly tell you he’s sorry, how he could start to mend the wounds he’s caused you. He’s going to, he decides, as soon as he can manage to walk on his own.

—

Your POV

There’s a banging on your hotel room as you’re clawing your way out of your clothes. You pull your big t-shirt on, pause Breaking The Girl, and rush to answer it. You’re expecting room service with some wine, or Steve with tomorrow’s game plan. “Coming!” You call, finally opening the door, only to be greeted by Eddie’s wobbly figure. “Oh. Hi.” You look at his nose as you speak, afraid of what would happen if your eyes were to meet his. His face is flushed from the drinking, his eyes glazed over and his hair frizzy.

“Hi. Bad time?” He looks you up and down, causing your cheeks to warm despite your blood running cold. You realize now that the shirt you’re wearing is one that once belonged to him. “I’ll, uh, go. I can um… I’ll come back later.” His speech is slurring, and you can smell the alcohol as he speaks.

“No!” You say, too quickly. “It’s okay, I’m just getting ready for bed. You wanna come in?”

Eddie hesitates, but you step aside to let him enter. He stumbles forward, placing himself gingerly in the chair across from the bed, where you sit across from him, acutely aware of your current pantsless state. “I read the interview.” Eddie starts, looking at the floor. You cross one leg over the other, waiting for him to continue. “And I’ve been listening to the album. Your album, I mean. It’s great, by the way, really fucking great.” He won’t look at you, instead focused on fiddling with his rings. You don’t respond, unsure where he’s going. “I came to say I’m sorry.”

Your eyes widen. This was the furthest thing from what you were expecting. “For what?”

Eddie slides further into the chair. “Everything. I’ve been such an asshole since the tour started. Especially to you. I wanna say I didn’t mean it, but I did. I wanted to hurt you. Flirting with all those girls, playing that fuckin’ song in front of you. I meant all of it.”

You bite your lip, unsure of how to respond. You doubt Eddie will even remember this conversation tomorrow, so you refuse to let his words convince you of anything. You don’t answer, just blink at him as he continues searching for the words to explain himself.

“I was trying to ignore it, I guess. How I felt about seeing you again. I was hiding it, and probably really poorly. I can't imagine it’s been easy for you, either, but you seem so happy. And it’s made me realize how horrible I’ve been.” He looks up from the floor then, his eyes searching yours for an answer. His face is flushed, his hair disheveled, and his lips are set in the pout that always got your heart stalling.

You clear your throat quickly, knowing it will crack under the pressure otherwise. “Eddie, it’s not your fault. You didn’t force this tour to happen. It’s an unfortunate coincidence.” He winces at your words, and you rush to correct yourself. “I mean, we didn’t know we’d see each other like this. We weren’t prepared. The way you’ve been acting, though hurtful, is completely understandable.” You want to cry. You want to throw Eddie out of your hotel room so you can sob into your pillow. But you don’t move, and neither does he.

“Why’d you leave?” He asks after a long moment of silence. “What happened to us?”

You know he’s drunk, and you shouldn’t be indulging him, but you’ve wanted to say so much to him since breaking it off, and you’re still a bit tipsy. “I was losing you. To groupies, to the label, to whatever you had become, and I didn’t think it was fair to fight it. This is all you’ve ever wanted, all we ever talked about when we were together. And you got it! The only thing you ever wanted. And I am beyond proud of you, Eddie. Who was I to pull you away from it? I couldn’t hold you back from this, but I couldn’t live in the background either. I couldn’t make you choose between me and your dream, so I chose for you.” Your voice falters as you explain, eyes threatening to spill the tears they harbor. “You deserve everything you ever want, Ed. I truly believe that.” You don’t tell him you still wish he wanted you.

Eddie is less than graceful in his response. “I would’ve chosen you. Over and over again, Y/n. I wish I hadn’t made you feel like you were my backup, my plan B. I lost sight of us, I know that now.” You sigh, your heart breaking as he speaks. Years ago, it’s all you wanted to hear. But it’s too little, too late now. “It got to my head, having you and getting signed. I felt like I could have it all. It got overwhelming, and I didn’t realize what I was doing to you. You were right to leave, and I’m so sorry it took me this long to figure it out. I blamed you for my misery when I caused all of it myself.”

You get up from the bed, and approach Eddie, kneeling beside the chair so he’s forced to look at you. “I appreciate the apology, Ed. I know you mean it. But I needed to leave for my own sake, too. I couldn’t keep competing with you, with all of the attention you were getting. I needed to focus on my own dreams, and I couldn’t convince you to root for me the way I had for you. Now that I’m here, I’m glad it happened this way. I wouldn’t have gotten here any other way.” You rest your hand on his knee, and you feel a drop fall from his cheek onto your finger. “You’ll always be special to me. I need you to know that.”

Eddie nods, sniffling. You stand up and offer him your hand. He takes it hesitantly, and you feel the familiarity of his calloused fingers entwined with yours. You can’t bring yourself to let go as he gets to his feet, missing the way his skin feels on yours. “Let’s get you back to bed, yeah?” You lead him out of your room and down the hall. “You got your key?”

Eddie clumsily pats his many pockets before finding his key card in his vest. He swipes it, and you pull him into the messy room, the bed unmade, empty beer bottles lining the nightstand and entertainment center. Eddie collapses onto the bed, and you get to work yanking his shoes off the way you used to after a long night out. He’s still in his jeans, but you don’t make a move to take them off. He’s not yours to take care of anymore, and if he wakes up uncomfortable, it’s not your problem. “Okay. Goodnight, Eddie.” You’re about to leave when you hear him whisper something. “What was that?” You don’t want to believe what you think you heard, but he says it again, clearer this time. “I’d still choose you.” You press your lips together, stifling your sobs as you close the door behind you. You can’t bring yourself to believe him.

—

chapter viii

taglist: @children-of-the-grave @five-bi-five @wiildflower-xxx @beebeerockknot @champagne-glamour @xxgothwhorexx @therensistance @chonkzombie @brxkenartt @sidthedollface2 @bibieddiesgf @gaysludge @eddiesguitarskills @littlepotatobeansworld | send a message to be added!

[lifeofkaze]

2023 - A Roundup

How fast the year has gone. I feel like it's been only yesterday that 2023 stepped on stage, and now, the curtain is falling on it already, with 2024 waiting in the wings.

It has grown quiet here this year. In the fandom, on my blog, on my online presence. There's multiple reasons for that - some personal, some life-related, some people-related, but with the prospect of a fresh new year on the horizon, all these things are either something I intend to embrace more fully or leave behind for good.

Looking at my history of 2021 and 2022, 2023 was the sparsest one on the writing front up to date, and here, too, are several very different reasons for this. I've written little this year, and published even less, and yet, I feel like I have grown more into myself as a writer than ever before. A lot of projects I had in the pipeline got scrapped, or converted, or pulled from public access to become a better version of themselves.

If you are interested in what has become of projects that I may have mentioned or worked on in the past, here's an itemised list of 30 years of what my future plans are (with major tbc because, have you ever even talked to me?)

HPHL era:

A Lifetime of Adventures - Selene's story What was meant to be an antology of several many stories is still an an antology but greatly reduced in both numbers, cast and things it covers. It will still span from Selene's first year at Hogwarts to her last, with an aimed at one story per year (which you fully know will not work, but hey). Parts of it are already written and published as independent shorts, others are unpublished and yes, it will still be happening. As for the parts detailing Selene's later life... that remains to be seen. There's a lot Selene has to tell but she and I need to sit and see if these stories are for me only, or if she wants to share them with the world.

Smoke and Mirrors - Caro's story With Brady going his own way in the Pendleton Tradition (you GO @kc-the-writer), Caro has decided that she can do what Brady can do because duh. Smoke and Mirrors is no longer a fanfic/fandom story but a very much unfinished rough draft that will probably turn out to be an original novella set in modern day NYC about a young med student and the pressure of expectations and self-imposed perfectionism. I wonder where I've heard that before.

Henry's story Despite being my resident book-character, Henry never asked me of a story of his own. Everything I still have in store for him revolves around either Selene or Caitlin and if he lets me into his head (which has always been an incredible but rare thing) it would be as unrelated shorts. In all honesty, I don't think it's likely that they will come into existence outside of my drafts, though.

Caitlin's story There is a potential novella about Caitlin's way to become a healer in my head which is too bittersweet for me to let go of just yet because not only would it give her some room to shine but also gives closure to two other characters very dear to me (and honestly, reading the draft makes me choke up, so there's that). I would prefer this as an original novella, but seeing as some of it would lose impact without the knowing the characters involved... I'm not quite sure what to do with it yet.

HPHM era:

A Source of Balance My baby, my joy, essence of my sleepless nights (and not in a good way). The third part of the Balance series is 100 % going to happen and 100 % happening on this blog. Apart from details I will figure out as I go, the whole story is planned in my usual over-planning style and I'm honestly just waiting for brainspace to clear up and the blank page to become less scary. It may take a while to get the complexity of it right but... watch this space.

Larger than Life My other baby, my heartbreak, my... yeah. Larger than Life has always been different, Ava has always been different, this whole project has been... different. Because of various issues, I've decided to remove this project from my fandom rota for good. It will still happen, my heart is too firmly set on it, but it will be as an original project over on @kaze-writes and will be a sweet while until I'm able to sort out the problems that comes from uprooting it. But all in all, I am very much happy with the decision I've finally come to with this.

When Stars Ignite When Stars Ignite has been removed from all my writing platforms as it is still under re-construction, and probably will be for another sweet while. This story has fully left any fandom connections behind and has turned into my (and @alyslaskeywriter) first full-length novel (mine, that is, Alys is miles head of me with her incredible book The Chief, which you really should check out bc oh my). My lose intention is to maybe query it for publishing at some point in the future, so I wouldn't hold my breath for its return to online spaces.

HPMA era:

New Horizons - Reva's story Reva's rise and fall from grace and her journey to herself has never really been a fandom thing and will become an original novel once I figure out how to research faraway travel destinations without drowning in wanderlust. It may take a while.

A Bright Future - Dana's and Dylan's story The story of Dylan and Dana is still up for debate in my head. There's days when I want to continue with this as a fandom project as intended, and there's others when an original friends-to-lovers romcom is begging me to have my way with it. The outcome remains to be seen.

Shorts:

All shorts directly associated with stories that have moved to the original side of my writing will follow suit. Everything else I have written or drafted up will remain here, or be posted on my original blog and reblogged to here in case there wouldn't have been a difference anyway.

Original:

All original works you have heard me speak about (namely, Lemons, Icarus, Memento Mori and That Fantasy Thing That Is Going To Drive Me Insane Before Long are still all in development and not yet ready to be written. But we're getting there. Somehow.

So, if any of the stories you have been waiting for or thought I had promised but forgotten them isn't on that list, do feel free to ask! I love talking to people and I've not been good at it this year. I miss the creative core of this community, and getting to see other people's projects unfold and grow from idea to reality. If you want creative exchange, I beg you, this is always a place for it.

In that regards, my favourite peeps, I wish you a very happy end to 2023 and a creative, peaceful and - naturally - balanced start into 2024.

Here's to you. Here's to all of us.

Keep writing 💛

xx Kaze

[rainbowfoxes]

So a little IDW!TMNT theory I've cooked up

Recently, one of the creators for the comic — One Ms. Sophie Campbell — stated that as of issue #112, about 5 years have passed since the series started. You can see her post here.

Now I've gone back to read the issue to confirm, and it looks like at some point in the process, "5 years" got changed to "several" as you can see on this page.

Now, it seems like at some point, "five years" was changed to "several years" (and we can tell that this was a later change due to how clunky "we're only about several years old" is as phrase. We're going to take Ms. Campbell's word, though because a) I trust her memory and authority on the subject as both the author and artist for this issue and b) it makes things much more interesting.

Here's why:

In issue #69's (nice) Ninja Notes editorial column, editor Mr. Bobby Curnow (at least, I assume it is Mr. Curnow who responded to the letters to the editor at this time. Regardless, the point stands) states that the turtles "span roughly from fifteen to nineteen," as you can see here:

Now, issue #69 came out in May of 2017. Issue #1 came out in August of 2011. Following our 2:1 ratio, that means it had been three years since the start of the series. By extrapolation, that means the boys were twelve to sixteen as of issue #1.

But wait! There's more!

Issue #1 establishes that the turtles mutated 18 months prior to the start of the series, which puts them mentally at ten-and-a-half to fourteen-and-a-half.

And now we draw it all together:

In the IDW continuity, the Turtles and their father are the reincarnations of the Hamato family, all of whom were executed by Oroku Saki several hundred years ago. If the boys were about mentally about ten to fourteen when they mutated? That means they were about ten to fourteen when this —

— Happened.

Now, all this is done without taking into account some in-universe time skips. Comic book time is very Jeremy Bearimy like that. But I think it's close enough that I can confidently say not a one of those boys was over 16 when they were murdered, and I think the younger they are the more heartbreaking everything is. They spent almost their whole lives on the run, training to get vengeance, only to die before they could even be considered adults. And then Splinter goes and sets them on the same path when they get a second chance at life...

(but that's it's own post)

[All images are described. If there is any problem with the descriptions, please let me know!]

[theink-stainedfolk]

Whispers of Shadow & Love

Chapter 3 Tangled Thread of Fate

Cleo and I met in school, an unlikely pairing at first glance. She was the vivacious dancer, always the center of attention in our junior school's dance club, while I joined just for the sake of keeping my body fit. Our paths crossed when she accidentally fell into the river on our field trip to the local nature reserve. I knew basic swimming.

As the water rushed around her, I instinctively pulled her to safety, our hands clasping tightly as we stumbled back onto the riverbank. In that moment of chaos, amidst the splashing water and frantic shouts, something clicked between us.

From that day forward, our friendship blossomed, fueled by shared laughter and the thrill of unexpected adventures. Despite our initial differences, we found common ground in our love for exploration and discovery. Whether we were navigating the twists and turns of our school's hallways or embarking on daring escapades outside its walls, Cleo and I were an unstoppable duo, bound together by an unbreakable bond forged in the waters of that river. Together, we navigated the ups and downs of high school life, supporting each other through heartbreaks, triumphs, and everything in between. Cleo became more than just a friend; she became my confidante, my partner-in-crime, and my rock in times of need.

But now is not the time for me to reminisce about my history with her. I need to help her…. I apparently have to play a matchmaker for her and her long long term crush, Caden Reynolds from Archeological faculty. And that's why I arranged this date- I mean- this study session so that they could get to know each other. 

“I hope my presence isn't hindering your plans or such.” Caden spoke as soon as he entered the home. He is such a sweet guy, knowing that I am quite satisfied with her pick—for once.

“Oh no, not at all. I would have said no if it had. Please come in and make yourself comfortable.” I said, leading him to my room where Cleo was already there. She waved at him. 

“Hey~. Good to see you here. How are you?” He said to her. “Good to see you too, Caden. I'm good, how are you?” She spoke softly. This soft side of hers was a rare thing to see. He sat next to her. This plan is already working. 

I cleared my throat and went into teaching mode. “Hello, my dear students. I am your Historical Linguistic teacher, Miss Vesperine Chevalier, and you shall refer to me as Ms. Chevalier. Are we clear?” 

Cleo and Caden exchanged a quick glance, trying to suppress their amusement. "Yes, Ms. Chevalier.” They chimed in unison, their voices laced with playful sarcasm.

"Good," I replied, maintaining my stern facade despite the twinkle in my eye. "Now, let's get started. Today, we will learn about The Eldarthian Civilization that existed from around 3000 BCE to 500 CE, spanning approximately 3500 years.” I said, referring to the pages I found deep in my drawer. These were my fathers papers which he used to teach me from. I still remember the excitement and astonishment in his eyes as he spoke about them. But as the survey  stopped due to lack of finds, these papers were discarded. But I picked them up. I don't know what was going through my mind at that moment but I thank myself for this. I may or may not find my answer through this.

“The Eldarthian Civilisation stretches along the western shores of the vast city of Mythoria, present day Aurorium,  bordered by the Sapphire Sea to the west. During its peak, the Eldarthian Civilization boasted a population of approximately 1.5 million inhabitants spread across its coastal cities, port towns, and inland settlements. The main livelihoods of the Eldarthian Civilization included fishing, agriculture, craftsmanship, and possibly even magical practices,  as some people say.” Magical practices? Why would they think so? “As for trade items, they exported exotic sea creatures, unique artifacts, enchanted items, rare herbs or plants with magical properties, and perhaps even specialized knowledge or skills in areas such as alchemy or mysticism.” I continued, still confused by the beliefs of people in the modern age. “Eh? This is weird.” I said. “You know what's more weird, Ves~?” Cleo asked. I looked at her in question. She smiled but her smile was very sharp, it was not a smile at all. “I am hungry and you haven't even given us a snack.” 

Ah, it seems I got too engrossed in teaching that I forgot that my students felt hungry too. Moreover,  this was the best time to give them space. I smirked at them. “I'll be right back, my dear guests.” 

I took my sweet time bringing two plates of Jalapeno chips and two Hummus and Veggie sticks. I didn't really like Hummus, but this was what Cleo and Caden bonded on and so I had prepared it in advance. As I set them down I sent Cleo a wink, which embarrassed her. She was truly someone else when near Caden.

“I'll continue as you eat, is that fine?” I asked. “Totally.” He said and pondered while munching.“What cultural or religious beliefs did the Eldarthians hold, and how did these influence their society?” Caden asked.

“Good question Mr. Reynolds.” I replied  “Apparently it is said that Eldarthians believed in magic and certain gods which have not been listed. But they did hold a very strong belief in their ‘Aldarath’ or ‘messiah’ named ‘Arkanyn’. He was apparently a man of virtue, vigor, courage and trust. People of that civilization relied heavily on Arkanyn. His large statue was discovered underwater by my father and his team in 2014. Initially we believed that he was their God. But after we found more scripts and texts, we came to know he was a normal human being but with the blessing of God and amazing strength that helped them against their enemies and wild animals that they hunted once a month. It is said that many people gave him offerings on his birthday. And every year they held a festival and he performed the main rituals for coming of age children. He was loved by all.” Suddenly my heart ached. As I said those words, it felt like a heavy weight had settled in the pit of my stomach. The love and reverence bestowed upon Arkanyn by the people of Eldarthia stirred a profound sadness within me, a poignant reminder of the fleeting nature of greatness and the passage of time. Was it just that or is there more to this?

In that moment, I couldn't help but feel a sense of longing, a yearning to uncover the truth behind Arkanyn's story. With a heavy heart, I turned away from the pages, my mind consumed by a myriad of questions and emotions. What secrets lay hidden within the depths of Eldarthia's past? What trials and tribulations had Arkanyn faced on his journey to becoming a revered figure in the eyes of his people? And how did it come to an end?

“Umm, if you don't mind.” Caden spoke, bringing me back to the present. “I might have to go now. I have taken much of your time.” I looked at my watch. “Only an hour and a half has passed, that's not much at all.” I replied quickly. I wanted him to stay for a while longer so that my plan for him and Cleo could work. I hadn't given them personal space either. I can't let him go so early. I panicked as I looked at Cleo, who was busy worrying about Caden. “Is everything okay?” She asked. “Everything is fine Cleo, thanks for asking. And thank you too, for giving me a mini study session Vesperine, truly. But the thing is I had promised my best friend that I'd help him move. But the thing is I took this Wednesday to the next one and now he is cursing me. I'm really sorry, I really have to go, he might kill me.” He said, lookingat his phone while getting up, typing really fast and packing his notebook in his bag. “I-I can send you off to your taxi. I have to leave as well.” Cleo spoke. I internally cheered for her, she was finally taking the first step. Caden smiled at her, charming her. I could feel her swooning. “That is really sweet of you Cleo but, sorry. He is here. He is here to take me.” As soon as he said this, I heard a whirring of the gears and a roar of a bike engine, then a horn. He smiled again, guilty and thankful at the same time. He waved us goodbye and left. Curious of his best friend, I peeked through my curtains. 

That was the biggest mistake I made that day. 

His best friend arrived on a sleek, black motorcycle, adorned with chrome accents. He wore a simple white t-shirt and faded blue jeans, completing a stylish ensemble. A pair of wire frame aviator specs hanging on the neckline of his t-shirt. Overall, he exuded an air of effortless coolness that seemed to complement the sleek lines of his motorcycle. They both chatted and it seems that Caden was apologizing while his friend had folded his arms defensively. He then proceeded to remove his helmet. And I regretted looking out of the window at him.

“Isn't that Arkyn?” Cleo, who was behind me all the time, spoke. His tousled brown hair fluttered in the breeze as he spoke to Caden. As they finished talking, Arkyn passed Caden his helmet and motioned him to sit. He started the bike and was about to leave when, suddenly he looked straight at me through my window. I flinched, he saw me standing and looking at them, him specifically but he wouldn't know that. I subconsciously clenched my curtains. 

His piercing green eyes locked onto mine, holding me in their gaze with an intensity that sent shivers down my spine. In that moment, it felt as though he could see right through me, peering into the depths of my soul with a knowing look that left me feeling exposed and vulnerable. Despite the unease that his gaze stirred within me, I found myself unable to look away, captivated by the magnetic pull of his eyes. He smirked at me and rode off.

I clenched my teeth. Arkyn Fontaine. I hate him with the intensity of a thousand suns. Every fiber of my being recoils at the mere thought of him, his name a bitter taste on my tongue. Arkyn Fontaine, with his arrogant smirk and haughty demeanor, embodies everything I despise. From the way he struts around like he owns the place to the condescending glint in his eyes, he exudes an air of superiority that grates on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard. And yet, despite my best efforts to avoid him, our paths always seem to cross, igniting a fierce flame of animosity within me that refuses to be extinguished. I huffed angrily and yanked the curtains shut, as if by doing so, I could banish the memory of his existence from my mind. But even as the fabric fell into place, I knew that Arkyn Fontaine's presence lingered like a stubborn stain, impossible to scrub away. With a frustrated sigh, I turned away from the window, determined to focus on anything other than him. As I busied myself with tidying up my room, I couldn't shake the feeling that our encounter was far from over, and that Arkyn Fontaine would continue to be a thorn in my side for the foreseeable future.

[dunavision]

Doujinshi Escaflowne Tales #3: “Second chance” second arc (2013-2015)

“Second chance” is a emotionally charged story that delves into the complexities of mental illness, the enduring power of love, and the indomitable spirit of human resilience. Inspired by the beloved anime series, Escaflowne, this fanfiction work takes readers on an journey by imagining the futures of the show’s beloved characters long after the original series concludes.

Spanning an impressive 200 pages, “Second chance” is a labor of love that showcases my dedication during the almost three years I worked on it. It’s not perfect, as I’m not a profesional, but it really made me happy. The updates on social media gathered a bunch of people interested in my work and at the end I even printed it and sold some copies!

You can read the whole story at Devianart (bigger size, better readability)

Here you will find only some sample pages.

Summary (spoilers)

Van and Hitomi are finally, finally together. After all the trials and tribulations they have faced, their love has triumphed. However, their happiness is overshadowed by the political turmoil that has engulfed Fanelia.

Merle, who once harbored feelings for Van herself, now has to confront the reality of his love for Hitomi. She must come to terms with her own heartbreak, but she knows that she cannot let her emotions cloud her judgment. The state of Fanelia is at stake, and she must navigate the treacherous waters of political intrigue.

The Z-bergs, refugees from the fallen state of Zaibach, seek shelter and assistance in Fanelia. However, their arrival has sparked tension among the local population, who are wary of the cultural differences and potential conflicts that may arise.

The Z-bergs, staunch followers of the cult of the goddess, loyal to Hitomi, look to her for guidance and support. They see her as their beacon of hope and believe that only through her leadership can they find a new home and a future free from persecution. Hitomi, torn between her love for Van and her responsibilities as the goddess, finds herself at the center of this difficult situation.

As the turmoil intensifies, Merle seizes the opportunity to take the reins of the kingdom. She understands that Van and Hitomi’s personal happiness must take a backseat to the greater good of Fanelia. With a steely determination, she arranges a political summit between several nations, seeking a peaceful resolution to the escalating tensions.

At the summit, diplomats and leaders from different nations gather to discuss the fate of the Z-bergs and find a solution that benefits everyone involved. It becomes clear that the fate of not only Fanelia but the entire region hangs in the balance.

After days of intense negotiations, a compromise is reached. Van is to be reinstated as the ruler of Fanelia, while Hitomi is tasked with leading the Z-bergs. It is a controversial decision, but one that has the potential to bring unity and stability to the troubled kingdom.

In a grand ceremony, Van and Hitomi publicly pledge their love and commitment to each other, symbolically merging the Z-bergs with the Fanelian culture and population. Their union is seen as a symbol of hope and a testament to the power of love and understanding in the face of adversity.