#in the face of this man who is so scared - so traumatized

[justcallmedom31]

Ig it's Storytime with Dom now @not-so-local-lesbian lol Where do I begin. Hm. I really don't know how to start but basically, two bandits broke into my family home last week, and now i'm recovering from trauma 👍 Now for the long story. For context first. My grandparents built a home here where I live, that's in the Philippines. Locals call it, the Engineer's House, for the sole fact that my late grandfather was a mechanical engineer, who designed and built the home himself before he passed away 8 years ago. There's swimming pool, a pond, a farm, and a lot of mango trees. 80 Mango Trees to be exact. Quite proud of them heh. I am set to inherit the land in a couple years or so. I forgot how large the lot is exactly, but it's enough to fit a couple basketball courts within heh. Last week, two bandits broke into it. Thank gosh, my family and I weren't there at the time, as we were in Quezon City, hanging out with my two aunts from Australia who were visiting. How did we know the broke in? They were caught by my mother's CCTV she installed in the living room. At 2:28 AM, my mother was notified by the motion sensor, to which thankfully she was awake at the time, talking with one of my aunts. At first she thought it was a spider, but upon closer look. There was a man going down the stairs. She originally thought it was ghost, but looked closer to find that they were indeed, bandits. Two Bandits. their faces were covered. So, my mum panicked, and my aunt. my other aunt woke up to the panics, and also panicked herself. I woke up around the time they realized two people broke in, and rushed to call our relatives who lived nearby. Thankfully, we managed to wake up one of my aunts who lived in the same barangay (that's sorta like a village ig). Her husband went in with a flashlight which managed to scare away the bandits. and boy, was it a mess inside. And yeah, that's what happened. My family had to pack to drive all the way there to investigate what happened and clean up the mess inside. While we drove, which took 6 hours, the police were notified of the incident and investigated the crime. I won't go into too much detail from what happened when we arrived, but from what I could tell of investigating it myself, the two bandits were spying on the home from the mango trees outside. around late night, they made their way in over the fence, and up to the third floor balcony, through which is where they broke in. they searched through everything on the second floor. Only thing they could find that looked valuable was my late great-grandmother's bag of old coins and a few bags. When my relatives scared em, the only thing they managed to steal was two. fucking. bags. TWO. BAGS. OUT OF EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE. OUT OF THE VASES AND TECH. THEY ONLY MANAGED TO STEAL TWO FUCKING BAGS. I'M NOT BLOODY JOKINGG what's even funnier, is when they were inside our home, they fucking drank water in the kitchen and even popped out some of the ice, and wine. Oh yeah, and they also saw the cctv and managed to take it out, but THEY DROPPED IT OUTSIDE THE HOME. ALONG WITH THE BAG OF COINS LIKE WHAT?? HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?? The coins date back all the way to 1972, so i understand they can't really be used... BUT LIKE, THEY STILL HAVE VALUE??? WHY WWOULD YOU DROP SO MUCH ON THE GROUND?? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DROP EVERYTHING??? It's a good thing at least, that they dropped them. BUT WHYYY???? AND ALSO GET THIS. THEY LEFT THEIR FUCKING TOOLS INSIDE. EVERYTHING. AND THEIR FINGERPRINTS. AND SANDALS. AND EVEN HOODIES. THEY'RE SO STUPID LMAOO So, yeah, there's my story. it was really traumatizing knowing i could have been there that day. and. i could have died. Because they had weapons when they broke in. the weapons were discovered to have been hidden under the bed. But yeah anyways, theres storytime for today. i'm going to be fine too dw, i can walk it off :PP

[ordinariumsresources]

She was 19 years old.

[the-acid-pear]

Btw only today I remembered the time a Baki character crawled thru and out a man's asshole.and his only explanation was I could do that because I'm very small (he's 160cm).

[gor3sigil]

Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.

I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.

Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.

I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.

5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.

I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.

I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.

I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.

I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.

I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.

But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.

I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.

It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.

If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.

Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.

It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.

You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.

Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird��� ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.

Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.

[pupkashi]

satoru comeback truthers rise WHERE IS UR RAGE !!!

youre still slightly shaking, even with one hand in your lovers warmer one, you can’t help but feel the same fear you felt when you saw him laying in two.

“sweetheart” his voice is honey like, smoothing your sore throat as you look up at him, face dirty and scarred. “i asked if you wanna get pho?”

it’s odd, coming back home as if nothing happened. as if he hadn’t just had the battle of a lifetime and almost lost. your legs feel wobbly and that sinking pit in your stomach is back. you bite your bottom lip to stop it from trembling, playing it off as you thinking.

“yeah pho sounds good” you say weakly, not taking your eyes off of satoru as he leads you to the couch. he tries to untangle your fingers from his, stopping when he feels your squeeze harder to keep his hand in place.

he doesn’t say anything, instead ordering with one hand, drawing a soothing circle with his thumb on your hand. satoru can feel your eyes on him, practically burning a hole into his skull with the intensity of your stare. he doesn’t mind, he can’t imagine how you felt, thinking he was dead for who knows how long. god knows what he would’ve done if the roles were reversed.

“ordered it, should be here in an hour ish” he whispers, pulling you close and laying back on the couch. you’re quick to wrap your arms around him, careful to not squeeze too hard as he was still sore and bruised.

thump, thump, thump.

the rhythmic beating is enough to calm you for a moment, your hands are less shaky and you feel like you can finally breathe. your eyes shut for a second, only to be met with the scene of satoru laying on ground. your eyes are shooting open immediately, making you sit up straight and giving satoru a once over, relieved to see he was really there.

“hey, im right here” he’s as gentle as ever, hands finding yours and squeezing tight. “im not going anywhere” he’s promises, placing one of your hands over his warm chest, the rhythmic beating of his heart calms you once more.

“‘m sorry” you choke out, wiping your eyes quickly before smiling softly, “was just- it was a lot” you mumble, “i thought-” you can’t bring yourself to finish the sentence, satoru doesn’t make you, pulling you to his chest and kissing the top of your head.

the two of you stay like that for a while, taking turns holding each other, comforting one another and placing endless kisses on each others faces. it felt like only a moment had passed in comparison to the eternity you felt without satoru.

satoru notices the way your eyes linger on him, the way you’re looking at him every couple minutes as the two of you eat soup in silence. it hurts his heart, seeing you so afraid and traumatized, he wishes he could go back in time and make sure they kept you away from any screens.

the season finale of the show you two had been watching doesn’t matter to you much anymore, barely paying attention to it. your focus is instead on the white haired man laying practically on top of you, mindlessly eating some popcorn you’d made for him.

your fingers are tangled in his hair, somehow still soft despite everything he went through. satoru can feel your eyes on him, of course he can. he wonders if you’re looking at his scarred skin, if you’re too scared to even continue a relationship with him.

“you should shower” your comment is what breaks the silence and interrupts satoru’s spiraling thoughts.

“huh?” there’s genuine confusion in his voice. is that really what you were thinking about? “are you calling me stinky?” he teases, testing the waters.

“grimy, actually” a small smile creeping on your lips. it makes satoru’s heart glow, a wide grin on his lips as he sees your smile.

“your words cut deep” he pouts, quickly smiling again when you roll your eyes at his familiar antics. “even sukuna didn’t hurt me this much” the words make you gasp, smacking him slightly and pushing him off the couch.

“uncalled for!” you laugh, shrieking when satoru stands from the floor and picks you up swiftly. he doesn’t think k twice before peppering kisses over your face and nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck.

“now you’re stinky too!” he wastes no time in heading to the restroom, with you still in his arms (hardly putting up a fight). he sets you on the counter softly, bending down to be eye level with you. his nose is only centimeters from yours, and you can’t resist the urge to rub yours against his.

satoru giggles at your action; the noise alone puts your heart at ease, the weight on your shoulders lifted and things felt right.

for the time the two of you are in the restroom life is perfect again. even when satoru takes his shirt off, visibly nervous about the new scar across his torso, you’re too happy to have him there to care.

“you don’t think it looks, i don’t know, ugly?” he’s avoiding eye contact and you can’t help but laugh softly. the sound makes his head snap towards you immediately, relaxing when you take his hands in his and pull him closer.

“you could never look ugly, angel boy” you mumble, kissing his lips. “i think it looks good, actually” you grin, wiggling your eyebrows and making his cheeks flush pink. satoru wastes no time kissing you again, giggling against your lips.

the hot water hits his skin and it feels like a godsend, making hums sigh in relief.

“told you you should shower” you tease, making your lover grin at your words. he waves you off gently, relishing in the feeling. “c’mere let me shampoo you.”

satoru doesn’t hesitate, a faint smile on his lips when your fingers scratch his scalp. maybe it’s the steam enshrouding the two of you, or seeing you change into his clothes, or smelling the clean bedsheets again, or being home- regardless of the reason satoru finally feels free.

there’s no stress on his shoulders from the higher ups or his clan, he’s not afraid of his students getting hurt anymore, he’s not afraid of losing you.

“i love you sweetheart” he whispers. you’ve been asleep for a while now, your head on his chest with your arms wrapped tightly around him. maybe it was weird but he didn’t care, he spent the night tracing your features with his eyes, memorizing any noise you made and the way you breathed.

satoru’s eyes watered, grateful to be back home. his eyes wandering to his sock drawer, tomorrow he’ll pull out the small velvet box he bought a year ago.

taglist: @chilichopsticks @anime-for-the-sleepless @safaia-47 @nanamikentoseyebags @fushironi @nineooooo @the-mom-friend-dot-com @gojoshooter @beautiful-is-boring @sweetheart-satoru @luna0713hunter @torusmochi @kentocalls @sadmonke

[wtfaniii]

Can you make one of how the squid game boys would react if you died in their arms??? 😭🙏

I like it! I hope you like it🤎

Reaction to your death

Fem reader! x squid game men

Warning: Some angst, blood, death and drama.

Note: Orders are closed until further notice! Thank you for your support and I will continue to respond to each and every one of them!

Seong Gi-hun

You promised not to leave him alone after the traumatizing experience he lived in those games, nobody believed him except you.

And just as you promised him you wouldn't leave his side, you went to the games with him even when he flatly asked you not to.

"I'll be with you through thick and thin"

For Gi-hun, your company was a ray of hope in the midst of this environment full of death, you made him laugh when no one was looking and you filled him with loving words every time he felt frustrated for not being able his objective.

But as the sunlight fades with the storm, him happiness is short-lived.

The ammunition for their weapons had run out and they had no choice but to surrender as the front man walked towards them.

—456, ¿did you have fun playing hero?

Him body tensed as the man pointed the gun.

He was not afraid of dying, he had already seen so many things that stopping breathing would be a relief to his tortured soul.

But when the front man pulled his gun away from him to point it at you, he felt like the air was leaving his lungs.

—Now you will suffer the consequences of your actions.

He could see the fear in your face and the tears in your eyes, even when you turned to look at him just to say a soft "I love you" he felt helpless not being able to do anything and in a matter of seconds the bullet went through the head of the woman he loved.

A scream full of terror, anguish and sadness left her mouth, tears clouded his vision and went to your body to hug it one last time.

There was failure, not only because he was nowhere close to stopping these games, but also because he had lost all his friends and now you.

Hwang In-ho

He met you a couple of years ago after the death of his wife, you comforted him and dried every tear he shed.

Even when he disappeared for a few months and came back only to ask you to come with him without question you accepted without an ounce of fear or doubt.

You trusted him with your life and over time he trusted you with his, you became his right hand in these games, both of you led and maintained a specific order.

Until one day he came up with the idea that he would also participate just to keep his enemy, Gi-hun, under constant observation, "They say you have to know your enemies" he said confidently while dressing in the characteristic mint green uniform.

You weren't sure but you agreed to be the temporary leader under the square mask in the black suit just to make sure he would be okay.

You looked after him back so much that you neglected your own.

And when you least expected it you were shot by player 390 during a crossfire in the hallways.

In-ho didn't consider that Gi-hun and the players' rebellion would go this far, he kept pretending to be Young-il along with two other players but when he heard you gasp in pain after hearing a gunshot, his lie became secondary.

He killed the other two, faked his own death, and ordered Gi-hun and his team to be arrested, then headed straight to where you were, bleeding and dying.

—You're going to be okay... —He tried to convince himself more of his words, the bullet wound in your stomach looked like a fountain of your own blood.

Your hand on him cheek made him look up into your eyes,

You could see his teary eyes and his scared expression.

—Don't let these games end with you... No one who loves you wants to see you involved in this... —You wanted to go live in the countryside with In-ho, live in a cabin and have a family, you stayed only because he asked you to.

—Don't close your eyes —he begged firmly, holding back his tears—Don't you dare close your eyes.

It seemed like a demand, but it was a desperate plea not to let you die.

—Don't make me go through this pain again...

But you weren't breathing anymore, he sobbed a few more seconds with you before one of his guards took him to his grey suit and mask.

He was really enjoying pulling the trigger of the gun while aiming at Jung-bae.

Kang Dae-ho

You and Dae-ho met while serving your country and have been inseparable ever since.

Dae-ho had romantic feelings for you but he never told you for fear of ruining the friendship, he didn't know that your heart also jumped with joy every time he was around.

You did what you could to help him financially, you asked for so much money that before you knew it you were being threatened by people should never have gotten involved with because you owed too much.

Now, they were both in these games trying to survive.

—¿Can I tell you something? —He asked as they climbed the colorful stairs toward their next test.

—Yes.

Dae-ho wanted to tell you many things, among them that he loved you and that when they left here they should buy a nice house and two cats.

But his tongue got stuck in his throat.

—Better later.

You nodded with a soft smile.

Unfortunately you never got to hear him question, during the third game, Mingle, the last round consisted of making pairs and getting a cubicle, it was just a mistake in which he let go of your hand and another participant went into the small room with him.

Dae-ho screamed desperately trying to open the door even though the counter was already at zero, you could see him tears and his expression of terror when he saw you on the other side of the door.

—It's okay.... it's okay...

You comforted him even though you were scared, you tried to use your voice to calm him even though you were the one who was going to die, you did it like the other times he had panic attacks.

—Dae-ho, I lo-

A muffled scream and cry came from him as one of the guards shot you and you fell dead in front of his eyes.

He couldn't hug you, he couldn't tell you everything he felt and that made his world go into shock, his heart break into a thousand pieces and a part of him die with you.

Lee Myung-gi

You were an arms smuggler in debt to many people, you ran away and hid to survive when you met him and since then became inseparable.

The two were brought to these games promising that they would come out alive, pay their debts and go far away from here to have a new life.

You survived all the games, but when the players became more tense and started a fight with the guards, you thought you could help them, you had knowledge in weapons handling so you would be of great help.

—Whoever wants to come with us can do so —said 456, placing the weapons they had taken from the guards in front of the room.

You were about to take a step forward but Myung-gi, who was standing next to you, took your hand and looked at with almost pleading eyes.

He hoped you wouldn't go, it was going to be suicide, he sensed it, but you broke free from his grip and went with them.

When you heard him call you, you turned to look at him one last time.

—Everything will be okay, I'll come back and we'll finish this —You assured him with your usual confident smile.

When you disappeared through that door with the other players he felt a pressure on his heart.

A lump formed in him throat with each passing minute until after an hour the guards came to restore order and brought back player 456, the one who had started everything, alone.

He couldn't say a word when heard your number among the others eliminated, he just put his hands on his head and began to shed tears non-stop.

All him future plans with you fell apart in the blink of an eye, he lost you and the worst thing was that he was not by your side to help you or protect you, they promised that they would be there through thick and thin but he left you alone.

You would have managed to kill all those soldiers, you would have reached the control booth and ended it all to go back for Myung-gi, take the money and leave forever but your only mistake was turning back on 001.

Park Gyeong-seok

This was before he got into the games, you were his wife and while you were looking for money on the streets painting yourself as a mime and doing tricks, one night you were late to return home.

You took the subway and sat down in a spot, you were tired and hungry but proud that you had made enough money to eat well for two days, your daughter was going through a hard time now so you and your husband were practically fighting to survive.

You were calmly until you heard noises a few seats behind you, when you turned head to see a man assaulting an elderly woman, you were not going to stand by and do nothing.

[...]

Gyeong-seok had just put Na-yeon to sleep in her room, closed the door, and when he heard the front door open, he assumed it was you who had arrived.

—She just fell asleep, she wanted to wait for you but sleep overcame her —He said with a soft smile, your daughter was everything to you.

He walked towards the living room but when he saw you, his smile completely disappeared and his face turned pale.

—Honey...

You fell to the ground with your hand holding in the bloody stomach, when you tried to confront the assailant he stabbed you and you had to return home leaving a trail of your dripping blood.

He ran to you to hold you in his arms, he tried not to make too much noise so as not to wake Na-yeon and traumatize her.

—¿What happened? I'll take you to the hospital, don't worry, everything will be okay.

Gyeong-seok's expression was full of anguish and panic, you put your hand on his cheek and looked at him sadly.

You knew that taking you to the hospital would generate more expenses, the little money they had was for their daughter, she was your priority, besides, you knew it was already too late.

—You'll take care of her ¿right? Tell her I love her.

He began to cry and hug you against his chest, he also knew that taking you to the hospital would be in vain but he refused to let you go.

—I don't want to do this alone...

You apologized through tears, you didn't want to leave him either but life was slipping through your fingers.

—I love you so much...

And with those last words you took your last breath.

He cried non-stop with you still in his arms, rocking gently and leaving kisses on your head also saying how much he loved you, from that moment on he was left alone with Na-yeon, working overtime, without your help life became more difficult but without your company it was torture.

Hwang Jun-ho

You two had been married for two years, you were happy and carefree, or at least that's what you thought.

One day you discovered things about him that he hadn't told you, that he had a lost brother and that he had been looking for him for years.

You didn't judge him, you decided to help him in his search and that led them to infiltrate some twisted games where they made people play until they died for money.

The two of you kept a low profile as guards until one of the so-called "VIPs" wearing gold masks took an interest in you, it made your blood run cold but you couldn't raise suspicions or would die so you didn't protest when he asked to accompany him to a private place.

You let that man guide you, you knew that Jun-ho would soon come for you but couldn't help but feel your stomach turn with every step you took.

Before entering the exotic room you left one of your earrings outside so your husband would know where you were.

Just when this stranger was about to force you to give him a blowjob, you punched him and pointed the gun at him.

You had the upper hand until you heard the door open behind you and looked away from the man.

It was Jun-ho but that little carelessness made the man with the golden mask snatch the gun from you and shoot you in the chest.

The shot made time stop for Jun-ho, he saw you fall to the ground with a lost look and blood pouring from your body, he also managed to stop the man but his eyes were still on you.

—They're okay, okay, calm down, don't shoot me —The man stammered as Jun-ho made him kneel without removing the gun from him head.

—You just killed my wife... —He said with a stern, sad and upset expression on his face.

He wanted to kill him but he wasn't a murderer and you wouldn't want him to be one.

After getting all the information possible out of him about these games, he knocked him out and finally turned to look at you.

He brought a hand to his mouth to suppress a cry of pain, his eyes were watery and with his other hand he held the gun tightly, he couldn't protect you and that made him feel miserable.

He approached you and left a kiss on your forehead, closed your eyes and asked for forgiveness a thousand times for having to leave you there.

Even with a broken heart, he turned away from you and ran away.

N/A: I apologize for not writing anything about Thanos but I couldn't find any inspiration for him 😭

[antiwhores]

(Dubcon at first)

Alpha!Bakugou in rut whispering “‘M sorry” to you, the Omega who wants nothing to do with him, as he dry humps you from behind.

He knows its wrong but he just cant stop his hips from rutting into your ass. He’s always been attracted to you, beyond normally. That’s probably why he bullied you in middle school. He just couldn’t handle the fact that he’d go crazy over your scent.

That had been years ago but he still thought about you.

He saw you at a coffee shop one day and immediately recognized your smell. It was almost like he was destined to be with you again.

You, however, were less than pleased. As soon as you made eye contact with him he winced at how your scent changed. It went from a calm, delicious scent to a scared sour.

You practically ran out of the door.

He couldn’t let you get away. He had been thinking about you since the day he graduated middle school. No way was he about to loose this opportunity to rekindle the relationship with HIS omega… well, soon to be his.

“Wait y/n!”

The sound of your name caught you so off guard you tripped on your own feet into the grass. He never said your name, it was always a mean nickname. You hadn’t even thought that he knew it.

You started to shake, “Leave me alone!”

He put his hands up beside his head, “I’m not gonna hurt you. I just wanted to talk.”

As you sat there, fisting the grass, he apologized. He told you about how he wanted to show you that he had changed. He wanted to be friends.

But you wouldn’t have any of that. Even though it was middle school, it was still traumatizing to this day.

You got up, brushing off the grass as you told him that you could never be friends. You told him off for everything that he did to you. He stood there and took it.

After that day, you started to see actual effort from him. Somehow, he found out your address. It was probably in some documents that can be accessed by pro hero’s.

He started sending flowers to your house. Food during lunch either at home or at work. He would show up randomly at different times to talk to you. He would even pay for your groceries. He dropped them off at your door before ringing the doorbell and walking away.

At first, you didn’t trust it at all. No way was the man that bullied you trying to court you into befriending him. But after a while your guard started to come down.

You would engage in conversation the tiniest bit instead of sitting in silence with him when he’d come sit at any table he found you at. You would even look him in the eyes when he spoke.

Everything was going well until his rut.

He was supposed to go home immediately after he felt the first heat wave surge through his body. Unfortunately, a villain decided to attack on his way back. And it also just so happens that you were on the scene.

He almost killed the villain for even being around you. The rut wasn’t letting him think clearly. All he could think was “protect mine.” He only stopped hitting the poor dude when you yelled his name.

He didn’t even realize the guy had passed out.

Bakugou looked sickly. His face red, sweaty and strained. He was breathing so heavily he was getting light headed. You could tell something was wrong. But you were ignorant to the fact it was his rut. Pro hero’s were required by law to use scent blockers. You couldn’t even smell his rut.

You took him to your house to help him since it wasn’t too far away.

As soon as he entered, his semi-hard cock went fully rock hard. He was trying to control himself on the way here. He barely managed to. But being surrounded by your scent, he couldn’t take it anymore.

He snatched off his scent blockers and in a quick movement he had you pinned against the wall.

He was humping you, fully clothed, before he even comprehended that he moved.

He wanted to cry, it hurt so bad. This small bit of relief felt heavenly.

“Bakugou? What are you-“

You had to shut your mouth when a moan came out of his. You knew that if you spoke any longer you’d have let out one of your own.

“‘M sorry, I cant-“

He groaned at a particularly hard jerk of his hips against your ass.

“‘M sorry…”

As he humped you from behind, your knees weakened. He was the only one holding you up. You were falling into a heat of your own from his scent.

“Fuck, ‘m sorry. Im ruining-“

He couldn’t even speak in full sentences without moaning into your neck.

“‘M almost done… Just- fuck… let me…”

He started to grind against you harder and faster. You couldn’t breathe, all you could inhale was him. Your mind went foggy, you could hear your own moans mixing with his. Even without the stimulation you felt so fucking good.

He stopped grinding against you as he came. He pushed himself hard against your heated body as he dug his nails into your hips.

His orgasm was strong. Leg shaking, eyes rolling back strong. He came ropes in his pants before he slumped against you.

You both fell to the ground, heavily breathing.

His mind temporarily cleared enough to know that he fucked up.

He was trying to cook up a worthy apology before he was interrupted by your voice.

You reached for his belt as you spoke,

“Take it off.”

[wordsofwhimsy]

🅲🅾🅽🅲🆁🅴🆃🅴 🅵🅻🅾🆆🅴🆁🆂

A/N: I’ve been going BONKERS reading through all of the Mark Grayson x reader fanfics on here.  Y’all are so damn talented!!!  Got a girl having all the feels.  It really inspires me to write more myself :’).  The last thing I posted got a little bit of love & it really meant a lot to me!  I’m also going to try working on my formatting to make it more appealing.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

PAIRING: [Budding] Sinister!Mark Grayson x Reader

WARNINGS: Series-Typical Violence & Gore, suggestive abusive/possessive

INSPIRED: by the song “luther” by Kendrick Lamar & SZA

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

♫♪ If this world was mine… ♫♪

Something was changing in Mark.  The sweet, funny, and thoughtful guy you’d known for years was still there, but you’d noticed within the last few months that there was also something else—something much darker bubbling just below the surface.  At first you told yourself his heavy emotions were normal and made sense.  What he went through with his father was nothing short of traumatic, and he never truly had a chance to process any of it.  Not in the typical sense, at least.  No therapy, no counselors, no support groups.  Just himself, his mom, and all of the poor souls who dared to take up the mantle of being a career criminal.  Of course there was always you, but what words of wisdom could you really offer?  You were just a regular girl, working an ordinary nine to five as a library assistant.  The life he led was so fantastical and impossible for you to ever truly understand.  You loved him dearly and would always support him in any way you could, but the reality was you did not relate to his current life at all.

As time went on though you noticed that what started as a shadow within him was growing, becoming like a black sludge that would seep out of his mouth when talking about Cecil, or his father—or anything really that he disagreed with.  If you were being honest with yourself, it scared you.  You of course knew he was not his father and would never even conceive of committing such atrocities, but somewhere in the recesses of your mind you held the image of the destruction that was caused by Omni-Man, and then the knowledge that Invincible was more than capable of doing the same.  Not wanting to add the stressors that consumed Mark’s life, however, you never voiced these feelings.  But they were there nonetheless, and becoming harder for you to ignore.

♫♪ I'd take your dreams and make 'em multiply ♫♪

“I don’t understand what you’re so upset with me about [Name],” Mark stated, the irritation evident in his tone. “You wanted to become the lead librarian, and now you are. That’s literally what you asked for.”  You stared up at him incredulously, arms stiff at your sides with your hands clenched into tight fists.

“You have got to be kidding me right now Mark.” You waited a few moments, for some reason believing his senses would come back to him.  Instead, you were met with him starring evenly back down at you. Your eyes widened as you shouted, “You threatened Mrs. Crump into retiring!”

“I gave her strong encouragement.”

“Be so for real right now…” You dropped your head and covered your face with your palm, needing to regroup your thoughts. “Maybe I’m mistaken.  Did Invincible not show up at my job this morning and tell my boss that if she was smart, she would make this her last day?” His dark, slim eyes glanced away from you now as he gave no answer.  Your lips pursed as you slowly nodded your head, at a loss for words.  Mark looked back at you, his expression suddenly so soft and tender.  It almost made your heart flutter.

“Your life is so short, [Name],” he said in almost a whisper. “You deserve for every dream you ever have to become reality.  In fact you deserve even more!” All the built up tension in your muscles suddenly melted away as you instinctively reached out to take his hand in a comforting gesture.

“Oh—” Your fingers trace up the solid and muscled contours of his arm, gently grazing over his shoulder and neck to finally cup his jaw. Your eyes meet with his and you couldn’t help but feel a soft smile tug at your lips. “Mark… My life may seem short in comparison to yours, but understand that for me, it’s the longest thing I’ll ever experience.” Your words seemed to do nothing to comfort him as a look of frustration pulled at his features. You only continued to gently smile. “Besides, the fight for our dreams is the most important part of the adventure.”

This seemed to register for him, at least on some level. “I love you,” he hushed while holding your face in his calloused hands.  He leaned down to give you a soft, lingering kiss that made you weak in the knees.  This time, as was the case with every time that you began to worry about his dark tendencies, he touched you and flooded your brain with oxytocin causing you to forget all about your concerns.  Just like he wanted.

♪♫ If this world was mine, I'd take your enemies in front of God Introduce 'em to that light, hit them strictly with that fire ♪♫

This is a dream, you told yourself.  Every cell in your body was shaking in horror.  This is dream, you repeated in your mind, tears welling in your eyes.  This has to be a dream.  Mark stood facing you, donning his superhero attire.  Although the blood that heavily stained his right hand up to his elbow did not lend itself to the idea of heroism. “[Name],” he spoke your name so calmly.  Nausea churned in your stomach as you took a step back from him. “I had to do this.  His life was meaningless – he didn’t deserve to be on this planet with you.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to look anywhere but at his face.  You didn’t dare see what was undoubtedly laid in a careless, bloodied pile at his feet. “You know that I’m right, [Name]. Don’t you understand? He was—”

“He was my father!” you cried, the tears now spilling freely from your swollen eyes. “How could you do this?!”

“How could I do what? Save you from his abuse? Spare you from another bruised eye or busted lip? Another horrible insult being spit at you from his vile mouth?” As he talked you could see the blackness gushing from his lips.  This was what you had feared all along but denied endlessly, until now.  And now it was far too late.  You took another step away from him and suddenly felt your back pressed into something solid and immovable.  Mark’s arms closed around you from behind, his face leaned down next to yours. “I am all you really need, [Name].  I can keep you safe.  No one else can do that for you.  Only me.” You sobbed without restraint, all of your body giving way under his embrace as he kept you on your feet effortlessly. “I know this is hard for you right now, but don’t worry, I promise you’ll understand someday.”

Having gone numb to your own senses, it took you several minutes to realize you were no longer on solid ground and instead floating above your father’s home.  It was quiet out, no sirens or people screaming.  Your neighborhood and the police were none the wiser.  And even if someone did know, what could they possibly do? “I love you, [Name].  I know you know that.  You might not feel the same right now, but I hope soon enough you will again.”  The tone in his voice left you feeling like you didn’t have a choice in the matter.  And suddenly, you could see the future clearly.  He would follow in his father’s footsteps, and this world would bend knee to his every whim.  You would be no exception.  In the name of self-preservation, you found yourself reaching up to hold onto his arms which still gripped tightly around your rib cage. 

“I love you too.”  The words surprised even you as they cracked out of your throat.  A low hum of satisfaction could be heard from Mark before he placed a tender kiss to the crook of your neck.

“I’m so glad to hear you say that.” He squeezed you even tighter, pushing the breath out of your lungs and putting a deep ache in your spine.  How could your sweet, thoughtful, caring boyfriend have changed so much? Where did the Mark you know go? Your stare fell back down to the roof of your father’s home and the sight immediately brought tears back to your eyes, blurring your vision. “Things in this world are going to be changing.” You bottom lip quivered at his words. “But don’t worry, I’ve done some things to your house just to make sure you can stay safe.  I can’t wait for you to see.” He placed another kiss to your throat, and you felt yourself slip out of your skin.  Nothing would ever be the same.

[yaseraphine]

pick a card - who is crushing on you ?

This is a reading I did back in April of this year. I made it with the energy of the Taurus new moon. Hope it resonates <3

PILE SELECTION :

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

/!\ DISCLAIMER /!\ (for all the delulus - here's your anti-delulu pill)

A tarot reading is supposed to give guidance based on your current energies, it is NEVER a replacement for therapy. It shouldn't dictate your life choices but more so guide you while making the choices. At the end of the day, you are the master of your soul and destiny. Remember that you have all the power and the free will to take the actions you want. Use discernment . Also remember : energies shift, a reading might resonate with you today but not tomorrow.

PILE 1

song - Ah W Noss by Nancy Ajram

Possible astrological placements :

Heavy Aquarius energy, heavy air and earth energy, Sun moon or mercury in aquarius (especially moon); Sun in Taurus, Venus in Aries, Mars in Aquarius / Aries, Capricorn rising ; Taurus, Aquarius and Aries personal planets; Chiron in the 4th house / the 10th house

Physical appearance : slightly under 6 ft , dark eye color, probably has eyebags or , looks mad 24/7, straight dark brown hair or jet black hair ; appears judgmental asf. might be skinny but still kind of muscular, has a visible scar on their face around their eyebrows or eyes or lips,

They dress casually , I see a lot of sportswear, neutral color, black, gray, white and maybe beige or marine blue

Tarot cards : 9 of swords, 10 of Pentacles, The Magician, The Tower, King of Pentacles, 3 of swords, Page of Pentacles, Ace of swords

MBTI : INTJ, INFJ, ISTJ

Who is this person ?

HUGE overthinker, career oriented, hard worker, well known in their field but prefer to work in the shadows, top grader, highly critical of themself and of other people, plans everything, a mastermind, ambitious, sharp mind, introvert, lowkey anti-social, overtly sensitive, might be in college, pursuing a master's degree; might be their last year as an undergrad, anxiety disorder, really anxious and sensitive to the outside world, a loner, might just hangout with 3 people max and they're always seeing together in the hallways or in the school's library, intimidating exterior, people are scared to approach them because they think they will disturb their peace lmao, deep voice, barely speaks, fierceful look, don't talk much, undercover hopeless romantic, might watch a lot of rom-com or romance K-dramas, might read slice of life romance oriented manhwas , watches anime, probably went on several friends trips to tokyo, kyoto, and bangkok with his friends.

Probably has a lot of family problems, is the "man of the family", has a part time job either as a waiter or something related to their field of study.

During lectures, either sits in the front or at the far back (to be in peace lol) and is really concentrated on the class, isn’t scared to asked questions even when there are a hundred students in the amphitheater looking at them

Might be a bit conservative or just religious, possibly muslim

might be a minimalist, a digital minimalist (James Scholz vibes)

Ethnicities/ Race : korean, pakistani, chinese, vietnamese, indian, afghan,arabic, north african,...

The effect you have on them ? 

This crush shocked them to their core. As they were on their way to become the King of Pentacles, you came and made all their plans crumble.

I feel like love is their blind spot and whenever they develop some type of feelings for people everything around them breaks down. They might have Venus in the 6th house or Venus in the 8th house, or Pluto might be aspecting their venus on their natal chart. I feel like they might have had a traumatic love experience when they were in middle school/ freshman year of highschool that left them deeply hurt and created deep emotional wounds. They’re still traumatized from this experience and them having a crush on you is sadly reopening their wounds and it’s obviously so triggering. Despite the fact that this crush is hurting them, they know it’s also healing them in a way ? Like their heart is not completely dead and in shambles and will not be forever. I am hearing "Your heart is broken , not permanently shattered.”

How do you appear to them ? How do they see you ? 

You appear peaceful to them. You might be an INFJ, ENFJ , INTP, ISFP or ISFJ.

You might have Virgo, Pisces or Libra placements (sun, moon, mercury, venus, rising,..). You could have 3rd/9th house placements, Moon in the 3rd or 4th house. You could be a scorpio or capricorn rising. You probably have 1st house, 6th house and 8th house synastry with them. (even 12th house for some)

You might have at some point awkwardly smiled at them in the school halls or library and it left a mark on them. They probably think about it often. Whenever they think about you, they can feel themselves calming down, slowing down. They’re probably really busy and therefore always stressed out but when you cross their mind, they can feel the stress disappearing for a short period of time.

They see you as a more relaxed version of themselves. They see you as being someone who is content with being alone. You could be a popular loner like you’re really well liked but you still enjoy doing your own thing. You probably are similar to them and they see that. They see the mirroring of you both. You have a really similar energy as this person and they sense it. But you’re much more confident, or content and laid-back/ chill than them and I think they kind of envy you for that.

You’re represented by the 9 of pentacles while they’re represented by the 10 of pentacles on their way to become a King of pentacles. Despite the fact that you’re “behind” them in the race of life, you don’t seem to be freaking out about it. Instead, they see you taking it easy. You’re taking your time because you have this deep trust in the Universe that everything happens in time and for a reason. They don’t understand how you’re able to just go with the flow while also  having somewhat of a plan and a pretty clear direction on where your life is headed.

PILE 2 (slight 18+ stuff)

song - GOOD LOYAL THOTS by Odetari / EYES ON ME by Asteria

Possible astrological placements : 

Cancer rising for men, Virgo risings for woman/non-binary, Venus in Libra, Venus in Aquarius, Mercury in Libra, Moon in Pisces/Scorpio/Cancer, Moon in Virgo, 5th house placements, 7th house placements, the asteroid lilith (1181) could be prominent/ significant in their chart. 10th/4th house placements. Libra, Sagittarius and Cancer placements. Could be born in late November.

Physical appearance : if it’s a man : looks like those bad boys in these dark romance novels, 2019 e-boy/girl/enby vibes, angelic eyes, looks kind of innocent in a way, similar eyes to troye sivan (not necessarily the colour but just the energy they give). No matter their gender, they just look really androgenous, really nice and warm smile, rodrick heffley vibes, carrington vibes (the content creator)

Ethnicity/ race : If this person identifies themselves as male then they might be half white half latino (esp mexican) or fully white (i am getting english, american or even german some italian blood even). If not, then they could be any ethnicities honestly but I am heavily picking up on White (Eastern Europe), American. They could look really racially ambigous. Could be half asian (filipino or thai/ viet heavy) and white (icelandic, german, eastern europe in general)

Tarot cards : 4 of swords, 2 of Wands, Queen of Cups, 2 of Cups, The Emperor, 7 of pentacles, 10 of swords,  Ace of Wands

MBTI : this one is hard to pick up one exactly the energy is a bit too “mutable” in a way but I’d say surely an IXXP or EXXJ type. Picking up especially on INTP, ISTP, ENFJ or ENTJ

Who is this person ? 

Could be any ethnicities honestly, any gender, probably non-binary, trans, or just do not label themselves

Activist for LGBTQ+ rights, if they’re a man probably bisexual, feminist, anti-specist, probably anarchist > for sure politically inclined and left winged, even far left or marxist for some 

Might enjoy philosophy, history, metaphysics, poetry, travelling 

In their 20s, probably really young / I am getting 17/18/19 years old, if they go to college they probably are really popular on campus.

Might play the guitar, the drums, listen to indie music, indie rock, hyper pop, Artsy, paint their nails black, nails often painted with chipped nail polish, probably enjoys painting, cinema

They LOOOVE getting attention, compliments, being the center of attention. They are probably really charismatic and a lot of people tend to crush on them and they cling to them/ get addicted to their energy/aura. They’re really magnetic, a true charmer, a smooth operator, a smooth talker. I’ll be fully honest though , they are probably in their fuckboy/girl/enby era. Probably sleeps around, goes to parties every week. They’re probably always surrounded by women or generally speaking feminine energies LOOOVE them like they get addicted to them (especially true if they’re a man). Probably a womanizer too.

People might assume that they’re reckless and only there for a good time, not a long time. They are kind of the talk of the town. People see them as smart, artistic. People consistantly gossip about them and their every move, might also make terrible and false assumptions on them. Despite their f*ckboy/girl/enby traits they are deep down really sweet and sensitive. They honeslty hope to find their true love one day, they just have some kind of attachment issues that makes it hard for them to trust and settle. For now, I don’t think they're ready to delve into them (the attachment issues) yet. (it’s giving mother wounds and daddy issues lol)

Always attached to messy situationships/ friends with benefits situations, messy breakups, crazy exes, revenge,...

They're really nonchalant, cool dude vibes “you know i am a cool guy you can trust me”; probably thinks they understand women and the “female nature” (HELP-) “I understand women, I understand emotions,..” vibes

Generally don’t really walk the talk lmaoo (they’re kind of a p*ssy that pretends to be tough, too cool for school lol), light skin energy HEAVY, actually really funny and empathetic, really sweet too

The effect you have on them ? 

I’ll say it, they’re probably too prideful to come to you lol They’re used to people approaching them first. That's how almost all of their relationships started. They probably are like : I am attracted to pile 2 and I have the situation in control. They will probably come up to me like everyone else does anyways so it’s fine, no need to make the first move (the sagittarian ego lord -). They probably like you because they think  you’re naive, innocent and their paternalistic/ manspreading tendencies might tickle a bit for that reason. They assume you’re some kind of pure angel, and that you don’t know much about the world. They see you as a Page of Cups or Queen of Cups when really you are a High Priestess. You just pretend to be clueless/ or not as perceptive to protect your peace. They want to protect you and take you to outside world. Take you to art exhibitions, while they manspread their knowledge about a specific art movement and they imagine you being impressed by how perceptive and educated they are. (they don't have to be a man to manspread just to clarify lol). To be honest, they have a deep desire for recognition and it shows in what they imagine doing with you.

Honestly, they underestimate you quite a bit. You’re so much smarter than you appear to be .

I have a hard time knowing what kind of effect you have on them since they seem so self focused. You just feed their desire to provide and protect. This desire might come from some kind of daddy issues or complicated relationship with their masculinity/masculine side.

How do you appear to them ? How do they see you ? +18 stuff here

As I said above, they see you as a "princess" to be saved, an angel. They probably think you’re too pure for this world, that you’re "vanilla", innocent. They really like your body. They probably scrutinize it a lot looking at every curve. They love your chest area and your thighs/butt. Honestly, it’s getting really sexual lol They probably have a lot of dirty thoughts about you, dominating you but not in a mean way, really soft dom vibes. They would love to see you in pink/white lacy lingerie / really sweet lolita vibes (the japanese style). I won’t elaborate further on the 18+ description but just know they're really imaginative lol They also see you as really sweet and caring . They think you’re really selfless and empathetic. In their eyes, you seem to be really emotionally intelligent. If you’re hyper feminine or petite THEY LOVE IT.

PILE 3

song - Feelin' Myself by will.i.am ft. Miley Cyrus, Wiz Khalifa, French Montana, DJ Mustard / French Montana's verse especially

/!\ While tapping with the energy, your resistance to this person was HEAVY. You probably know exactly who this person is and you probably are annoyed that they seem to follow you everywhere, even in a random tarot reading on Tumblr lmaoo I am so sorry for you. This reading could trigger you, annoy you or make your eyes roll, just to warn you.

Possible astrological placements : Libra rising, Leo rising, Sun, Moon, Venus and/or Mars in Leo, probably have many placements between the first and the 5th house, heavy on the 1st house, 3rd house and 2nd house, Gemini Sun or Venus, Mercury, cancer placements

Physical appearance : probably dresses like a 2013/2014 rapper (lmaoo sorryy guys), ages - 25 / but strong late 30s early 40s, millennial loser vibes (help-), ear piercing, eyebrow arch piercing, likes to wear Grillz, they’re probably not very tall like around 1m69 to 1m76 or something (5,5 ft, 5.7 ft). They could be skinny or just slim.

Ethnicity/ race : I know the moodboard only showcases black men, but I am picking up they could just as well be asian or White, arabic,...

Tarot cards : 3 of cups, The Emperor, 7 of Pentacles, The Sun, 4 of Pentacles,

MBTI : ESFP, ESFJ, ENFP, ENTP, 

Who is this person ? 

Their name could start with a P, Patrick, Peter, could have a similar vibe to Peter Kavinsky from To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before for some.

For a minority of you, they are still a student in college probably majoring in Business or economy. Probably skips many lectures, classes.

For most of you though, they are a real grown adult, who has taxes to pay and works either part time or full time at the same job as you.

You could work at a store like a 7/11 or just stores that you find in gas stations, or something like that.

You might meet them, see them at work and you probably find them annoying as hell. You think they’re childish and that they should grow tf up. They’re probably older than you which makes their immature behavior even more embarrassing. You probably see them as a scrub or a manchild (ain’t shit by doja at is coming up they really get on your nerves lmaoo). They probably hit on you the first day at your job and they never really stopped 

Always comes at work late, prefers to have fun, doesn’t like having too many responsibilities, doesn’t like rigidity, always cracking a joke, the clown of the class vibes, super extraverted, loud, really good on the dancefloor, might go to the club every week, doesn’t have much going on in their life, does the bare minimum at work, unstable financially, doesn’t have any career ambition, culture vultures, they remind me of the Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber lightskin era, they love alcohol, hennessy, malibu,..

Really popular in your local community, probably has at least 500 followers on insta but I am picking it’s more than that like 1500 and plus, super active on social media, probably has snapchat, posts stories almost on a daily basis, they are known at work to crack jokes, loves 90s/old school rap, gangsta rap, 90’s RnB, jodeci, Boys II Men,  probably a sneakerhead,  that’s random but they might be attracted to milfs or women with character lmaoo, a millennial that hangs out with gen zers (help-), eternal teenage boy type of energy, childlike spirit, nice, really likeable, social butterfly, you just can’t hate them, might be the type of person to sing out loud randomly.

The effect you have on them ? 

They like you. They like the fact that you are hard to get. They love the chase. I think they’re attracted to the duality of your respective personalities. It’s probably an opposites attract type of situation in their head. They like your black cat energy. The effect you have on them is that you just entertain them in a way. They like the chase, the adrenaline that comes with it and since you’re guarded they see it as a good challenge. 

How do you appear to them ? How do they see you ? 

You might be an ISTJ, or INTJ. You might have Capricorn, Aquarius, Virgo or Taurus placements. You might be a Taurus rising. I am picking up too that you hate loud people and attention seekers. You probably don’t like dependent and clingy people too. You probably have a really cutthroat and no bullshit energy that they love (and lowkey find amusing they like to annoy you but in a flirty way that’s just the way they flirt I think). They think you’re too serious for your own good. You’re probably working part time while you’re still in college and they think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. They think you should slow down and just enjoy the moment, live in the moment and let loose. They think you smell good, always look clean and put together. They see you as high maintenance. You’re probably like the high maintenance era of Saweetie. Icy Grl vibes (go to check the music video of this song this might be your exact vibes). They see you as a diva but not in a derogatory sense, they  actually like it. It’s giving Mariah Carey and Eminem's dynamic lol (enemies to lovers orr 👀 (i know you just gave me the biggest bombastic side eye lmaoo sorry)). “Boy why are you so obsessed with me?” but you’re like really mad and fed up lmaoo

Literally you : you're giving goddess energy ✨ go get your bag sis as you should the dusties don't even deserve to breath the same air as you period.💅

remember guys : stay blessed <3 (and happy spooky season hehe best season of the year anyone who disagrees you can argue with the wall)

[aliceinborderlandsquidgame]

In-ho as Yandere/Obsess with You (Player) |

This is going to have two versions.

Yandere!In-ho x Fem!Player!Reader

Yandere!Detective!In-ho x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Obsessive!In-ho - Yandere - Power Imbalance - NON CANON EVENTS DOES NOT FOLLOW PLOTLINE - Suggestive parts/NSFW - Manipulation - Grammar mistakes -

Yandere!In-ho its the type of Yandere who first goes into denial over his obsession. Yes, he has read your file multiple times by now. At least ten more times than the other files. He just wants to know all about you.

No, he wont admit it out loud. He would rather pass his little free time in his room looking at the cameras he got around Seoul to keep tabs on you.

Gets angry when he first sees the video of you getting slapped during the recruit time. He may call that centrain recruiter to dispose of him.

While he sees everybody who ends at the games as nothing but low trash (yes even knowing he was part of them once) you are different to him.

You may have ended there for the most stupid reason and yet he wont mind but would feel pity over you.

Will order that the games are easier for you, that the food you get its more healthy and has more cantidad than the rest. But its subtle since he does not want the rest of the players to think you are getting special treatment (you are).

If he sees any player getting too close to you, or its informed by the guards that a centrain player has not so pure desires over you, that one is out. The next game its harder for them.

Will he joy the games to keep a closer eye ? Depends. 

Part of him likes to stay in the shadows, and enjoy the show. You are his Star during these games. The only time he moves the games so you can easily win. He hopes that you feel watched and protected, that when the times comes you will ask to stay with him. He already prepared another room till you are ready to fully move with him.

He becomes so enamored that his actions are off. While usually calculated, with you he wont waste a single time on getting the most cruel deaths for these who  go against you. A traitor? He will tell the guards to keep them alive so he can personally torture him.

The guards prays that you accept on staying with him because his mood has been down and bad the last few games and they need a rest.

There are cameras everywhere, and he uses his position to keep a close eye on you. During night one camera will point at your bed, he passes most of his night watching you. It relaxes him.

NSFW:

He also has a not so saint side, he watches you go to the bathroom to relieve some stress. These are his favorite moments. The sounds and faces you make as you try to get yourself off. He has recording that one and used it multiple times till he is out of cum.

When the games ends and you win, he does things different. Does not send you home at once but rather keeps you in a well secured room with some lame excuse, and what can you do ? This Man has an army behind him.

The Manipulation starts from him slowly getting closer to you, sharing the same interests, faking the same or similar traumatic past.

Yes, you probably resent him a lot. But he is such a good liar, snake tongue and all. That you fall for his lies, how he was forced into this and how when he saw you he could not let someone as precious as you die.

Will take advantage of how emotional drained you are. Offering his ear to listen you rant about different topics from the games to your life.

You are quiet touch starved so he uses these times of vulnerability to hold you close to his chest and caress your hair.

Does give you a bit of freedoom to go and walk around the island, but a guard its with you during all of it.

He is in fact no scared to hurt you in order to keep you by his side. But his favorite way to do it would be forcing a baby inside you. Now dont get me wrong, he WONT force himself on you. He would just casually forget to use a condom and also confuse the anticonceptive pills.

He cant wait to have you all round with his baby. Maybe this is not the best place to raise a kid, but hell does he care ? No. He can make some calls and get things sorted out.

The important part is that you wont be able to leave him.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

Now, what if he decides to join the games and be your personal guard dog?

He gets enamored by you from reading your file. Maybe there is a detail that resembles his past and that pulls him towards you. So much that after see you almost die in the first game he cant help it.

He needs to be there for you.

He is the quiet player that goes to you in the first night to probably offer you a shoulder or a ear to rant to. Maybe if you are reserved about it he would sneak some sweets not telling you how he got them.

He is the one who protects you from any player. Specially males that wants to use you for their own pleasure. Most get the hint to not approach you in order to not get their bones crushed.

Its clear you have a special treatment, from how the guards just give you free pass to the bathroom or you seem to get a bit more times in the games.

When others notice that they beg you to team up with them since you are an advantage yourself.

By this point In-ho its your shadow and no one questions it. He will ever start to poison your mind with his ideals. Like how the game are a necesary evil and how if players did not truly want them then these would not happen.

Hell he would even request a voting to show you.

And no matter why you ended there. He would whisper sweet lies in your ear at night telling how you are different and how you are above the rest. No one compares to you. That if you win he is sure you would have an incredible life and make something out of it.

He already has planned on getting you "eliminated", pay up your debt and make you stay with him at the island.

Is he going to tell you who he is ? Well yes. And he does not expect you to fall quick for him. He knows whatever progress he made at the games will be like nothing and he will do even more calculated moves from now on.

And how does he make you fall for him at the games ? Well first he protects you, lets others know that you are off limits. He gives you part of his food, during nights he sleeps close to you till one night a fight breaks and he defends you like his life depends on it.

After it you most likely ask him to sleep with you. At first he may leave some space between both of you since he does not want to push you too quick. However his heart is beating so fast he cant even close his eyes, he may keep an eye on you liking how peaceful you look while you sleep, away of this reality.

He will let you come at him first. Like one night you may have a nightmare and you will end asking if he can hold you.

Of course he says yes. It does not matter how, maybe he will let you put your head on his chest or be the big spoon and cover you with his body.

Its almost a shame how much better he sleeps with you in his arms.

During games if its a game where you must play alone he still keeps himself close to you. When it comes to teams he is there.

NSFW:

The bathroom stalls end being your meet up place to relief some stress.

For you probably at first its just sex. No feelings, to him its so much more.

Its passionate, its dirty. He knows no one will bother since he is there with you. No one is allowed to enter.

How would he take you ? He can easily lift you against the wall, kiss down your neck and collarbone. Will held himself back from marking you. Its going to make you wrap your legs around him as he pushes his hard dick inside you. He wont bother on muffing your moans, no he wants to listen to them knowing he is the cause of them.

If during one of the meetings you want to give him head he wont complain. But wont be soft. He will use your mouth like his personal toy, pulling your head and fucking your troath till he sees tears down your face.

[theprettyarachnid]

dating logan howlett would include

a/n: i’m lowkey on a roll yall

warning: nsfw themes

🕷️ you’re probably one of the only ones who have seen logan’s soft side

🕷️ he almost begs you not to sleep in the same bed with him because of his nightmares but you won’t hear it

🕷️ in fact you’ve been able to calm him down sometimes, caressing his face and tracing his jaw line

🕷️ he’s still scared he might hurt you by accident though no matter how many times you’ve told him that you have regenerative abilities too

🕷️ logan loves when you wear his shirts to sleep and because it’s practically a short night gown, he still has a view of your ass

🕷️ you cut his hair because he doesn’t like the way a regular barber does it

🕷️ you’ve tried to convince him to watch your romance shows but when he does he always falls asleep

🕷️ logan snores a lot in his sleep

🕷️ he doesn’t like celebrating his birthday because it’s ‘just another day’ but it’s clear that he appreciates the effort you put into it

🕷️ you got him a dog for his birthday because you knew he wanted one and he hasn’t let it out of his sight since

🕷️ you got him one of those wolf/dog hybrids

🕷️ logan has a pretty high sex drive so it’s not unusual to wake up with him in between your legs

🕷️ claims that he smelled your arousal

🕷️ claw marks on your thighs while he’s eating you out and when you pull on his hair, he’ll moan almost sounding animalistic

🕷️ he takes you out on dates regularly and if you tease him about it he’ll give a gruff response of “it’s how any woman should be treated, especially you”

🕷️ sometimes logan doesn’t understand why you want to be with him but eventually he’s just stopped asking that question

🕷️ holds your hand when you two go on walks with the dog

🕷️ and just in general

🕷️ if you’re a plant person, i feel like logan would be terrible at taking care of them

🕷️ he just doesn’t have a green thumb so instead you get him a fake plant

🕷️ he laughs and calls it stupid but he actually loves it because it reminds him of you

🕷️ whenever logan wears his glasses, you can’t help but find it extra attractive and he knows this

🕷️ whenever you do or say something stupid, he flicks you on the forehead

🕷️ logan is very protective of you and you can see it in pretty much all of his actions

🕷️ his hugs are extra tight and his grip around your waist gets tighter whenever another man looks at you

🕷️ he kisses you like it’s the last time he’ll ever see you, especially when he has to go on missions, and it’s because he truly believes it may be the last

🕷️ logan sometimes hates that you chose him to be with because everyone he has ever cared for or known has gone through traumatic events and in some cases have died

🕷️ this is why you can’t take him pushing you away sometimes to heart because you know it’s because he thinks it’s better that way

🕷️ logan gives me warm body vibes so whenever you’re cold, you can snuggle up to him and he’ll warm you right up

🕷️ hates when you put your cold hands or feet on his bare back

🕷️ logan loves when you make him coffee or cook for him

🕷️ he likes his coffee black

🕷️ enjoys watching horror movies with you because you’re snuggled up in a blanket shared between you two and leaning up against his chest

🕷️ moments like that make him feel very at ease

[tinylilacbun]

Rafe bringing toddler reader to see Santa and she’s so deathly afraid of Santa that she’s screaming crying and rafe has to stand behind the camera with her Lovie trying to get her to smile but when that doesn’t work he has to get in the photo with her and he’s so unhappy about it but she relaxes

Traumatic Picture

Pairing: brother!rafe cameron x toddler!sister!reader

Warnings: reader is scared of santa, rafe being grumpy

⋆꙳•❅*🎄*❆•꙳⋆

The Camerons are currently decorating the Christmas tree, well mostly Sarah, Wheezie, and you while the others are sitting on the couch, Ward and Rose drinking a glass of wine, and Rafe is occupied on his phone.

He only sits here because his father used the bond Rafe has with you and sent you to ask him to join you all, knowing he won't say no to you.

As he lifts his gaze from his phone he sees how you're standing on your tiptoes, holding the star in your hand as you probably try to set it on top, which is impossible given how short you are.

With a sigh, he pushes himself up and walks over to you, reaching down under your armpits to hold you up.

You squeal and stick the star on top of the tree, clapping your hands excitedly and giggling when the others clap as well.

Rafe sets you back down on the ground, ruffling your hair before he gets back onto the couch, hearing his father's conversation with Rose.

"The mall closes next week until new year and we haven't gotten the chance to take Y/n for a picture with Santa, and we're busy the next days too." Rose sighs, taking a sip of her wine.

"What about Sarah?" Ward suggests but Sarah instantly cuts in, shaking her head.

"Hell no, I went with her last year and it was horror, she wouldn't stop crying while taking that picture." Sarah recounts last year's experience.

It is tradition that every Cameron kid gets at least one picture with Santa but somehow you're so scared of him that Sarah is sure you got a trauma from last year, and the picture never happened so hopefully this time it's gonna end differently.

Suddenly everyone looks at Rafe and he groans, throwing his head back.

That's how he finds himself waiting in line for a picture with Santa at the bustling mall, people in holiday rush to get presents that are on sale.

He's holding you firmly on his hip, scowling at everyone who looks at you both too long for his liking, rubbing your back with his free hand as you cling onto him and watch how children get their pictures, sucking on your pacifier furiously.

"A'ight, listen kid, we're gonna get this done quick, yeah? Just a picture and we're on our way home again. There's no reason to be scared." He tries to soothe you, bouncing you a little.

You nod your head, still unsure if you want to do this, the big man in red still giving you an uneasy feeling as you hear his deep laugh from where you're waiting.

Now it is your turn and you tense up when Rafe moves you to sit on Santa's lap, taking your pacifier out of your mouth as he pats your head, taking a few steps back.

You look up at the man with big eyes while he smiles down at you, his hand hovering behind your back in case you fall down. "Hello there, little one."

The tears instantly well up the second he talks to you in a deep voice, crying out loud. Santa stays in his role, the person in the costume already used to younger children being fussy or scared.

"Princess, look who I have here." Rafe tries to get your attention, standing beside the woman with the camera and holding your lovey above it.

Instead of calming you down it makes you sob even harder, making grabby hands for your brother, wanting him to save you from this scary situation.

"R-Rafey." You hiccup and the woman frowns, leaning closer to Rafe.

"Y'know, many kids feel safer when family members stand beside them." She tells him sweetly.

Rafe sighs, rubbing a hand over his face, and reluctantly goes to stand at Santa's side behind you, leaning down to kiss your head to calm you down. "I'm here now, yea? Think you can be a big girl and smile just for a moment?"

You immediately calm down the moment you feel his presence behind you, letting him wipe the tears from your cheeks and nod.

Still sniffling you manage to form a smile, Rafe standing there with his usual grim expression, there's no way in hell he will smile with all those people present, it's already a surprise that he gets in the picture.

Luckily the process is quickly over and Rafe scoops you back up in his arms, handing you back your Lovey and pacifier as he makes his way to where he pays the printed out picture.

After he carries you outside and to his truck he takes a look at the picture. "If you tell Topper or Kelce about this I'll never let you sleep in my bed again." Oh yes he would.

You're too emotionally exhausted to give any response, nuzzling your face into his neck, feeling him kiss your head in reassurance.

"Proud of you, kid." He murmurs, opening the backdoor of his truck and buckling you in your car seat.

Taglist

For everything:

@my-river-lilly @pauntedblacknails @fanfictioniseverything @buckymydarlingangel @hallecarey1 @daybreakwinter @loveshineslikethesky @vase-of-lilies @white-wolf1940 @simpingbutch @mischiefsemimanaged @alina02 @teddybearsgrr @doozywoozy @angelbabydoll28 @glxwingrxse @lilymurphy03 @veryvaughnny @lokigirlszendaya @youngstarfishdinosaur @little--baby--bear @minideathgoddess @rach2602 @gh0stgurl @flourishandblotts-inc @lovelyy-moonlight @yoruse

@mythixmagic @iris-xoxo-juhu @mylettterstoyou @sunf1ower16 @sweetstars-posts @rafecameronsloverrrrr @rafenroostersgirl

For Rafe:

@chiaraanatra @chimindity @erikasurfer

[cloudysonder]

Loid POV on Red Circus Terrorist Arc

I know that the manga doesn't really dwell on this very long, especially because we're mostly experiencing this event through Anya's POV, but... can you imagine what Loid must've felt? For the great spy Twilight to come "racing back here" from a business trip that was probably significantly far away?

Imagine Loid in his Dr. Forger front, socializing with his fellow doctors on a business trip, when he suddenly gets some spy intel that an Eden College school bus has been hijacked by terrorists.

His heart drops without his permission. He knows that Anya was going on a field trip today. She'd been excited all through breakfast, talking about museums and heroes and spies and wars --- he hopes selfishly that it wasn't Anya's bus (for Operation Strix, of course).

More intel gets to him. It is Anya's bus. Moreover, the attackers are the Red Circus, a violent terrorist organization with a rampant hatred of the upper class, its leader driven by vengeance for his own daughter. He stops breathing--- rambles out some excuse to his coworkers to get away--- somehow still has the sense to hotwire a car instead of driving his own--- gets to the scene, forgets to put on a different face in his panic, just steals some officer's uniform as he rushes to the scene---

How could he have let his guard down? How could he have lulled himself into such a false sense of security? The country isn't at war, yes, but it isn't stable, either. Sending Anya to Eden was never going to be safe. He should've sent her back, just like he almost did when she first got kidnapped. He's not good enough to protect even one little girl-- he's a useless excuse for a spy.

He's utterly useless in the end, even as he does get to the scene. It sorts itself out (somehow???) and Yor is there to comfort Anya, always the loving mother (thank god for Yor, he thinks, and he should be alarmed at how much he relies on her when he doesn't know what to do)

he hears later that his stupid-ass kid was actually the one to de-escalate the situation by getting a FUCKING (fake) BOMB STRAPPED TO HER NECK. He's shaking in his boots--- he's never met or seen anyone with as little self-preservation and bravery as this kid that's now under his care. Is she stupid? Is she deeply traumatized from her time at the orphanage? This creature is incomprehensible to him, but she scares the shit out of him constantly.

How do you take care of a kid like that? A kid that's gone through so much in her short life, who would rather be in life-or-death situations than be apart from him, a random suspicious man she's only met a few months ago?

Twilight has no fucking clue.

He can only self-flagellate for so long. It's a waste of time. He may not know everything about Anya, but he has learned some things.

He hopes that he can find a bakery that sells peanut cakes.

[actualyves]

Thinking about how Benson was a traumatized victim of CSA and a queer man living in the rural south in the early aughts. He saw so much of himself in Randy, and when Randy started getting pushed around and bullied, it was himself Benson saw being hurt yet again right in front of his eyes.

He was raised poor and by a single mother. Likely never came forward about what he was subjected to as a child, never developed any coping skills or received any sort of therapy. Just years of pent up pain, smoldering under the layers of himself he kept packed away inside like winter clothes, just waiting for the seasonal change that would never come so that he could finally shake the wrinkles out and examine it.

But then he saw himself in this scared young man. He knew who he’d become, even if no one else did, and the thought of seeing someone set on the same path when he had the power to help redirect his course and save him was lead-heavy on his spirit. So Benson, without any emotional regulation skills, who simply didn’t know what he didn’t know about healing, saved Randy in the only way he knew how.

Deep down he knew he needed comfort and healing and closure for the ghosts that never fully died and continued haunting him all these years later, his mind a decrepit and condemned house of horrors that he couldn’t afford to move out of or exorcise. So he did for Randy what he’d needed done for him, but laced with the anger and violence he’d come to associate with moving on. A cornered dog showing a puppy how to snarl and bite.

And when the literal face of his trauma was in front of him, speaking to him, not even recognizing him, whatever rational thought was still in the driver’s seat bailed out, and the anxiety and trauma and deep, visceral fear took over. Yes, the bullying at the beginning of the day triggered his PTSD, but coming face to face with the reason he became this way to begin with pushed him fully over the edge, and for literally the rest of his life Benson would be in the throes of reliving the trauma that had plagued him for most of his life.

He wasn’t an inherently violent person. He became this way because he didn’t know what or who else to become. The anger felt not just inevitable but like the only option. He never realized softness and vulnerability were an option outside of the wood paneled walls of his cluttered childhood home, where he could safely kiss his Ma on the forehead and bring her pastries and cigarettes. But he brought Randy there. Let him wear his clothes and meet his mother. Took him to breakfast and wiped his tears and told him It isn’t your fault, you were just a kid. Assured him that There is nothing wrong with you for being a virgin, and it’s a good thing that you’re the one in control of your body and sexuality. Encouraged him to Stand up for yourself, don’t let other people hold you back. Randy was a safe place for softness, and Benson was trying to fight against everything in himself that tied vulnerability to victimization despite how badly he wanted to be not only a comfort for Randy but comforted by him.

Benson felt he was too far gone, but Randy wasn’t. And maybe in helping Randy he could help himself. Randy could be his comfort and closure and peace.

But then Sheppard happened, and Benson’s mind turned on itself. He tried to fight back, but became only more distant from reality, retreating into himself while simultaneously trying to escape himself, spinning his tires in the mud and only finding purchase and movement when a bullet -his bullet from his gun- ripped through Randy’s shoulder. And his peace, his boy, was looking up at him with wide, wet eyes, scared and hurt, and Benson never wanted him scared and hurt, had only ever wanted to help. But now, freckled in blood and bathed in the red and blue lights of squad cars, Benson’s brain finally, finally, after all these years silenced, and he saw his life and himself for what they were.

He was a scared little boy whose last goal in life was to be a giraffe before his fate had been decided for him. He wasn’t equipped for adulthood or juggling the complexities that came with it. He was only ever rolling with the tide and surviving by caring for Ma and flipping burgers with a head full of trauma and a trunk full of bullets. His life had been driven by fear and violence, and his lot had been decided for him in the third grade. He never had a say in it. He was never in charge. A scared lamb without a sheepdog to keep the wolves at bay or a flock to insulate him and, not knowing what else to do, he threw himself to the wolves as a sacrificial omen, his last utterance the name of the man whose altar he was laying his body upon.

[mermaidgirl30]

✨Saving What Was Lost Part 4: Bubble Baths and Faded Scars✨

Pre-Outbreak! Joel Miller x fem! reader

Series Masterlist

A/N: Cut my entire heart out to write this chapter. I love love how soft Joel is, and I hope this brings a little comfort to all the healing girlies 🩷 There’s a lot of triggers in this chapter, so pay attention to the tags. I hope you enjoy this chapter because I so loved writing it.

Chapter Summary: Who knew that facing one of your fears would be so hard? It’s just a shower, but a shower is so much more to you. And just when you think you can’t face it, Joel helps you one step at a time.

Rating: Explicit 18+ only MDNI

Word Count: 6k words

Chapter Tags: Mentions of being trafficked, flashbacks of being abused and SA, angst, soft and protective Joel, PTSD, no use y/n, age gap (reader is late 20’s, Joel is late 40’s), pre-outbreak au, shower triggers, vulnerable reader, panic attack, sweet nicknames (sweetheart, angel)

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

One month. You’ve been here one entire whole month and you still haven’t been able to get yourself to step into the shower. It’s only a shower. It can’t hurt you, but they can. The memories that drag knives through your skull, leaving you to bleed out on the cracked tile. 

   It’s only memories, only deep scars from your past, but they still haunt you night and day, swearing to come back and swallow you whole with their jagged, sharp teeth — just like a great white shark. 

   Nevermind that you’ve been washing your hair in the sink or scrubbing your body until your skin glows red with the washcloth. You can’t fucking do it, but you’re going to force yourself to try today. You have to. You have got to break this traumatic cycle. 

   You can do this. It’s a shower. Only a shower. 

   Making your way cautiously to the edge of the tub, you glimpse at the metal shower head, fixate on the way it curves and dips and glares back at you with vengeance in its wake. It’s like a monster’s staring right back at you, sneering its sharp teeth and whispering nightmares into your mind. 

   Come and get me, you want to say, but it’s already sunk its razor-sharp fangs into your skin. It’s already bled you dry.

   Swallowing your fears, you stand your ground and narrow your eyes into thin slits, flexing your fingers into tight fists as you look into the face of fear. 

   It can’t hurt you, can’t wrap its long cord around your neck like they tried. But yet, it still can…

   You still feel their icy breaths blowing down your neck, still feel their filthy hands trailing up your skin, still feel the scars they clawed down your back while they had you pinned against the tiled wall. You still feel them inside you, all around you, branding you as their own forever. 

   You’re still theirs. 

   You hear their cackling laughter ringing through your eardrums as you reach for the shower head, stretching your arm through the visions of Garrett and his buddies having their way with you in the bathroom. 

   “Get out,” you mewl, chattering your teeth as you grab a hold of the bottled lavender soap from the side of the porcelain tub. You can’t let them win.

   “Look at you. All scared and helpless, begging for someone to come save you,” Garrett snickers, fisting the back of your hair as another man tears your dress off. 

   “Stop. Please…” you beg, tears streaming down and clouding your vision. “I’m worth more than this. You don’t have to…”

   “What makes you think you’re so special, princess? Nobody’s looking for you. You’re ours until we sell you. And right now? Right now you’re mine.”

   Tears slip from your lash line, falling like raindrops as they hit the edge of the tub. You remember that night so clearly, remember it like it’s happening all over. 

   Your body starts to shake the further you reach for the shower head, making it your mission to push through. But the voices echo in your mind, vibrating down your spine until you actually see their muted faces and narrowed eyes in the reflection of the metal. 

   Push through. Fight. Forget them. They’re not real anymore. But they are still real, and they’re just repeating the cycle with other innocent women that were taken…

   Just as your fingers latch around the shower head, Garrett’s voice booms through your head, ricocheting off the pristine tiled walls. “You’re mine, little whore. I’m not done with you yet.”

   “Get out of my head. I’m not yours!” you scream, dropping the shower head as it bangs a loud clash against the shower walls, startling you like a gunshot just went off. The soap tumbles out of your palm, the bottle opening and spilling lavender liquid all over the bottom of the tub, making messes you can’t get yourself to clean up. 

   You drop to the floor and cover your head with your hands, begging the yelling voices to just stop. But they don’t. They come parading in like a steep hurricane and crash their waves down on you, knocking you off center so they can snake their way into your mind to scream even louder. 

   “Stop, stop,” you whisper as a fallen teardrop hits the edge of the bathtub. And then they just keep coming like scattered storm clouds.

   You can’t fucking do this. You’re not strong enough. You’re not brave. You’re not brave. 

   Footsteps on the floorboards make your fingers curl deeper into your messy hair. You squeeze your eyes shut as the door hits the back of the wall with a loud bang. And now you’re spiraling.

   Garrett. It’s Garrett coming for you. And this time, he wants blood.

   You have to run. You have to get out, you have to leave. 

   “Hey, sweetheart—”

   “No!” you scream out in blind fear, afraid your life is about to flash before your eyes. You start to swing your arm but when you look up, you drop it right back to your side with wide eyes. 

   “Hey, it’s jus’ me. It’s me,” he reassures gently.

   When you look through your tear-stained eyelashes, the world gets a little more quiet. A green flannel fitted against broad shoulders sits before you, his silver-threaded hair glowing from the fluorescent bathroom lights, and those eyes... Those big, brown, syrupy eyes.

   Joel. 

   “Joel…” you whimper out.

   He leans down right beside you and gets on your level, brown eyes locked directly on your teary ones. “S’right. It’s me.” His hand lands on the edge of the bathtub, thumb grazing against the smooth surface. Close enough to feel the heat off his tanned skin. 

   You’re breathless, tears still streaming down your cheek, but he looks like he wants to reach out and wipe them away with the pad of his thumb. 

   “What’s wrong?” he asks, concern lathered all through his soft brown eyes.

   “I was just… I just…” You can’t finish your sentence without cringing at the shift of his shoulders.

   “Take your time, sweetheart,” he says encouragingly.

   He’s always so patient. 

   Taking a deep breath, you make yourself speak quietly. “I just wanted to get a shower. And I just can’t. I couldn’t do it. I can’t…” Tears muddle your vision, and then you’re right back into the pool you were in.

   “Breathe for me,” he coos softly, making your breathing a little easier. “There ya go,” he encourages. “Jus’ take it slow.”

   He takes a long look at the hanging shower head and the spilled lavender soap that runs down the edge of the tub, ending in a small puddle where your fear lies. It’s like he puts two and two together, like he understands exactly what happened. 

   “I made a mess with the soap, I…”

   He stops you right there. “Shh. S’okay,” he whispers. “Let me jus’ help you here, sweetheart.”

   Slowly reaching over, he turns the faucet to warm and lets fresh water run through the tub. He pours more lavender soap in, creating a pool of bubbles that cover the surface of the water. And then he puts the shower head back where it belongs, at a safe distance where it can’t touch you. And you just sit there, watching in silence as he tests out the temperature of the water next. 

   “You’re running a bath for me…”

   He stops for a moment and looks at you with big, warm eyes, looking at you as if you’re in need of saving. “Yeah, I am.”

   Gulping down a lump in your throat, you watch him get back to his task at hand. Stretching his long arms, he cuts the faucet off when the water hits just against the top of the tub. Enough for you to slip in and not spill any water out. 

   He tilts his head back to you and says, “You think you can get in by yourself?”

   Staring at the steam coming up from the warm water, you tremble inside. He drew you a bath when you didn’t have the strength to stand in a shower. He did that. He did it for you…

   Wiping your blurry eyes, you sniffle out. “I think so.”

   He gives you a small smile and then pushes himself up to his feet, nodding to the bath water as he turns the other way. “Go ahead then. I won’t look.”

   You sit there in shambles, still gawking as his broad back stands firm across the room. He’s not even peeking. He’s not trying to look at you. 

   “Sweetheart, s’alright. You can trust me.”

   You can trust me. There’s that word again. Trust. 

   Gradually, you start to pull your t-shirt over your head, cautiously dragging your leggings to the floor and hiding your purple lace underneath the fabric of your shirt. And then your bra unclasps with a snap, leaving you completely bare as you sit in a heap on the cold floor. 

   Turning your head back around, you see he’s still not looking, so you decide to slip under the warmth of the bath bubbles and sink until your body is covered from the breasts down. You pull your knees up to your chest, blanketing yourself with the large bubbles and your arms. 

   “You okay?” he asks.

   “Mhm,” you whimper out.

   “Is it alright if I turn around?”

   Freezing, your body is suddenly ice cold, despite the warmth surrounding your skin. Panic consumes you for a second, but then you remember it’s Joel. 

   He won’t hurt you.

   Balling yourself up even tighter, you make your decision. “Oh. Yeah, I umm. Okay,” you mumble out.

   The shift of his jeans and his boots tiptoeing across the floor makes your mind race, feelings of fight or flight invading your body as you work to steady your fast breath.

   You’re completely naked, stripped raw and bleeding all your insecurities and fears into the lavender soap that envelops the bath. There’s no layers covering you except the thin coating of bubbles and your curled up knees hiding what’s been taken time after time again from you. 

   You shrink yourself further into the tub, curving your back, praying your hair will cover the faded scars that slit you open night after night. You don’t want anyone to see them, can’t even stand to look at them yourself. They’re ugly reminders of what’s happened to you. Just heavy burdens weighing you down, telling you how invaluable and broken you really are. 

   Garrett used to love that… dragging glass through the top of your right shoulder, or just using his teeth to make blood run down your cracked skin. You still feel it. Every lash and bite and cut he gave you. He ruined you just like every other man that touched you in that house. Except he was the worst of them.

   You’re so fucking vulnerable and exposed, and it’s so raw. And you’re just showing all your bleeding shades of red to Joel. 

   When you hear him shift behind you and slightly feel his large presence near the bathtub, you freeze, and then your body starts to shake violently, like you just got dunked below an icy lake.

   “Hey, s’alright. It’s alright, sweetheart,” he coos as he kneels down against the side of the tub. “You’re tremblin’ like a leaf. Are you cold?”

   “N—no,” you whisper, shaking your head back and forth until you believe what you’re saying. It’s warm inside the bath water, but you’re still shuddering like you just got hit with a bucket of ice cold water.

   It’s quiet for a second before he asks, “Is it me? Do you want me to leave?”

   Briefly flicking your teary eyes up at him, you take a long look at his concerned face, embracing those warm brown eyes that you could get lost in. 

   Do you really want him to leave? If he does, that means you’ll be all alone with the roaring thoughts in your head. And you don’t want to be alone. Not really. You want him to stay because the truth is… he makes you feel not so alone. 

   He feels like fresh air.

   “No. I… I don’t want you to go,” you whisper, keeping your eyes locked right on those deep brown pools.

   He gives you a tight-lipped nod and takes a good look at your face, like he can just slip inside your mind and feel everything you’ve ever felt in those last two years.

   “M’not goin’ anywhere, sweetheart. Gonna stay right here. Right where you need me.” His words pull at your heartstrings, stopping the screaming voices in your mind. 

   He said he’ll stay. 

   You… need him. 

   Sitting there curled up in shambles, you don’t move. You just wade in the soapy bubbles and look up bashfully beneath your eyelashes, praying he’ll keep the flashbacks at bay. You don’t know when exactly you grabbed a washcloth, but your knuckles are white from how tight you’re holding on. Maybe it’s helping keep you sane right now.

   Don’t let the memories come flooding back. Keep me from sinking, Joel. 

   His thumb traces along the edge of the tub, while his other grabs the open bottle of lavender soap. And then he looks at you, hesitating before he speaks. He almost looks like he doesn’t know what to say, like he’ll scare you off or say the wrong thing. 

   He could never scare you, you think. No. Never. 

   “Can I?” He tilts his head toward your exposed back, his calloused fingers still skimming the surface while your heart beats sporadically from what he’s asking. 

   Swallowing the words that threaten to spit out, you push them back and nod cautiously, allowing him to take the purple washcloth from your shaking palm. He brushes his calloused skin against yours, and you jump at the contact.

   “Hey, s’okay. I’m gonna be real gentle, sweetheart. You just tell me if it’s too much and I’ll stop.” His deep timbre stops the panic, and all you can do is hang your head lower and focus on the slow deep breathing technique Joel taught you last week.

   “Okay…” you whisper out in a hushed breath. 

   The first touch of the soapy washcloth feels like knives to your skin, carving you up slowly as your body is served to the slaughterhouse. It almost feels like Garrett behind you, cackling as he had his way with you all those times. And when he slides the washcloth down your spine again, you hear a quiet sob escape your lips. 

   You weren’t supposed to show him this side. One that’s so torn apart and abused and broken. You weren’t supposed to show him your scars…

   “Sweetheart, s’alright,” he coos, blowing his warm breath against the back of your head as he stops his slow strokes for just a moment. “You’re safe. I’m not gonna hurt you…” he repeats again slowly, quietly.

   Swiping a falling tear away with the back of your arm, you let him continue. He’s so gentle with every movement, taking care to watch your reactions, back off if something seems too much. He listens to your body language and respects you because he knows how scary this is for you. You don’t want anyone to touch you, but you think this is okay. Because the truth is, you couldn’t do this without him. 

   Slowly brushing your hair to the side, he washes along the back of your neck, gently going over the curve of your shoulders, down your spine, and stopping where your body is submerged. 

   “Tilt your head back for me, sweetheart,” he asks politely, reaching to grab the bottle of shampoo. You do as he says. 

   He fills a little bucket with water and slowly runs it through your hair, until it’s all drenched in warmth. Next, he laces his thick fingers through your hair, scrubbing your scalp to get all the knots and tangles and sweat out. You fight to hold in a low groan, reveling in how good it feels to have his fingers running through your locks in such a gentle way. 

   And he stays there, talking you through it, telling you it’s all okay. And he’s so gentle. Almost like a little lamb with those brown eyes that could soothe you into a deep lull, calm your flying thoughts until you’re just standing still. 

   No one’s ever done this, taken the time to care. You’ve never had someone to do that. He’s doing what no one else signed up to do. 

   But why… why would he do this? You’re nothing. At least that’s what they told you back at the house. That’s what Angela said while Garrett had you pinned to the dining room chair, breathing all down your ear, his teeth dragging until he left marks.

   You shiver in place, teeth chattering even though you’re in warm bath water. But right now you feel like you’re ten feet under a frozen lake, and you need Joel to pull you out.

   The visions of Garrett come rushing back, clouding your better judgement and making you fold over again in fear. 

   Get out. Get out of my head. 

   But you’re right back at that stagnant old house. You’re back in Garrett’s hands…

   Fuck. Why’d you have to remember that night…

   It’d be so easy to slip under the surface of the bubbles, embrace the black seas that would drag you under into oblivion. You could just sink into the warmth, watch the real world disappear along with all your memories. Melt into a peaceful bliss. You could just end it all, but you don’t want that. You want to live, to face your fears, to go on living. You want to be brave. You want… you want… 

   “Sweetheart? What is it?” he asks lightly as he watches a tear break the surface of the water. 

   “I… I just…” You trail off, staring at the shower head, trembling as you remember everything. 

   His eyes follow yours, and it’s like he sees right through your thin layers of red.

   You’re scared. You’re so fucking terrified. 

   Joel knocks you out of your dark mindset, his Southern drawl taking that fear away. “Hey, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

   “Umm. I…”

   “S’okay if you don’t wanna talk ‘bout it. Jus’ tryin’ to understand what happened so I can help. I want to help. If you’ll let me.”

   You turn his words over and over in your mind, contemplating if you want to let him in. But honestly, talking to Joel does make you feel a little better. And keeping everything bottled up inside is eating you alive, so maybe talking about it will help. Joel will help. He always helps… 

   You take a deep breath and let it all out. “I just… I used to be so independent. I did everything for myself and now? Now I can barely do anything…”

   “Hey. S’alright, sweetheart. You’ll get back to that point one day. You’re gonna be okay.”

   “I don’t feel okay.”

   He stops the slow movements of his wrist, rests the washcloth against the middle of your back. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”

   “He hurt me…”

   The room turns silent, not even the splash of water meets the white noise in the bathroom. That is, until you hear his knuckles flex.

   “What?” he asks in a husky breath.

   “He hurt me,” you repeat, your voice dropped an octave lower.

   “Who, sweetheart? Tell me who hurt you.” He’s attentive, all attention on you, his eyes dark chocolate when they lock with yours.

   “Garrett… The one that sold me. He… he…” Your voice quivers into silence, only the quiet sobs escaping your throat.

   “Hey, s’okay. You’re okay,” he coos. “He’s not here and he never will be again. He won’t touch you again. Ever. And I… Well, I’m not gonna hurt you, sweetheart. I’ll never hurt you. You’re safe now.”

   You’re safe now. You’re safe with him.

   Your eyes drop back down to the bubbles, shining under the fluorescent lights, your hands skimming under the water against your hidden legs. “Back at the house, we weren’t really allowed to take showers alone. Well, not all the girls. One of them just happened to be me…”

   Pausing to flinch, you start again when he doesn’t interrupt. “No matter how much I fought back or screamed or tried to get away, they just held me down against the tile wall. And Garrett was the worst of them, even if he was the one trying to sell me. He was the one that used me the most. Said I was his favorite plaything,” you spit out, sinking your nails deep into your ankles to relieve some of the heartache.

   “Jesus Christ…” His voice drops an octave, and you feel his fingers flex against the washcloth, ringing it dry as he takes his frustration out on it. 

   “And the shower head,” you continue. “They… they umm, did things to me with it. Horrible, awful things.” You see his lips part, eyes widening in horror out of your peripheral vision. He doesn’t like this anymore than you do. “They should’ve just finished me off when they strangled me with it while they had my face pressed against the wall…” You choke on a sob, like you’re reliving that night over right now. You still feel it. The press of the coiled hose wrapped tightly around your neck, choking you as they had their way with your frayed body. 

   Joel sits back on his heels, looking at you like you’re made of glass. Like he’s afraid one wrong word will send you over the edge. “Sweetheart, I… Fuck. M’so sorry that you went through that. That I didn’t get you out sooner. I swear to God if I ever get my hands on Garrett or any of those men, I’m gonna make ‘em pay. They’ll wish they never laid a finger on you. I’m gonna fuckin—” 

   You stop him from going any further. You don’t need him to be the knight in shining armor right now. You just need someone to listen. “You’ve done enough, Joel. You don’t have to. What’s done is done. I’ll never be anything more than something to use to them, and they’ll never change.”

   Staring off into the waves of water, you try to let the bubbles wash your pain away, but another tear slips free, falling down the side of your cheek.

   “Hey, look at me for a second,” he asks softly. You turn to face him all teary eyed, and he catches the tear from falling. His knuckles brush tenderly against your skin for just a second, and then his warmth is gone the second he pulls away. He doesn’t let it linger, but you almost wish he would. His touch is so feather-like. So soft and gentle and warm.  

   He takes a good look at your somber face and sighs, his fingers knocking against the side of the tub. “You never deserved any of that abuse. And I’m sick to death that it happened to you. But you can’t jus’… You gotta keep goin’, sweetheart. You gotta keep livin’. You have so much to give. You’re so full of life and bright and the bravest girl I’ve ever met, and you—”

   “Brave?”

   “S’right, sweetheart. Jus’ like I said the other day in the parking lot. You’re so very brave. And you’ve got a lifetime ahead of you jus’ waitin’.” He stares at the washcloth for a second, but then he’s looking back up at you. “It’s gonna be hard. God, it’s gonna be so fuckin’ hard for a while, but you’re gonna make it. With a little help, you’re gonna soar.” 

   You feel water burn the backs of your eyes, feel like you’re going to implode right now in this bathtub. But you push the fears away and look back up into the soft brown eyes of a man who cares what happens to you. 

   “It’s not gonna be easy, but you’re gonna get through it. You’re gonna have bad days where you feel like you can’t do anything, but those are the days you gotta jus’ take it one step at a time, like today. And those are the kinda days where it’s okay to ask for help. I’m here, sweetheart. I’m here to help, whatever I can with. I jus’ want you to be okay, sweetheart. That’s all I want. For you to live.”

   Your heart clenches in your chest as you gaze into those soft brown eyes. And you just stare with your arms wrapped around your legs, almost want to reach out and graze your fingers through his sandy brown locks. He does something to you. Makes you feel like you’re worth saving. Makes you feel alive. Makes you feel like a human being. 

   He had every chance to take advantage of you in here. He could’ve done anything, but he chose to protect you and take care of you instead. 

   He took care of you. 

   So you continue to stare into those glossy brown eyes, memorizing every speck of gold in his flecked irises. He kinda reminds you of sunshine, warm rays of yellow and orange peeking over the horizon. 

   He reminds you of safety. He’s safe.  

   You shift in the bubbles that cover you, watch as the water breaks against your knees, and then your eyes are back on him just like you’re mesmerized. “How is it that every single particle of me doesn’t want to trust another man ever again, but I trust you?”

   A smile crosses his lips. “You trust me?”

   “Mhm.”

   He takes a good look at you and smiles wider, making his dimple sink into his left cheek. It tugs a little at your heartstrings. “Well then, thank you for trustin’ me.”

   You nod and peek up through your eyelashes, waiting a few seconds before you confess something. “You make me feel safe…”

   His brown eyes delve deep into yours, and his smile still hasn’t faded. “That’s ’cause you are, sweetheart. You’re safe with me. Always. I would rather kill a thousand men than ever lay a harmful finger on you. You’re too special for that, sweet girl. You deserve good things. You deserve the world.”

   His voice sounds like velvet. Smooth, delicate, soft. And even though you’re laid out like bare bones and crumbled dust, he seems to cover all your vulnerabilities and put all your broken pieces back together like glue.

   Somehow, he can knock the breath out of you but also give you an overabundance of oxygen at the same time. He’s good at that. Bringing you life when you feel like you’re getting buried alive. He gives life. Gives you life. And you feel so alive around him.

   You could drown in this bathtub, disappear under the thick sheen of bubbles until the world goes silent, but he wouldn’t let you go so easily. So maybe you’ll just drown in him instead. 

   Silence resonates over the bathroom. Only the longing stares and unspoken words fill the empty void. And it’s so obvious now why every time you stare into those soft brown eyes you fall a little more. 

   That’s it. You’re falling for him. Slowly, cautiously, silently. And maybe one day he’ll catch you, too. Maybe you’ll just fall into his arms one day when you’re a bit braver. Maybe he’ll take the sting out of your bleeding wounds. Maybe he’ll be exactly what you’ve needed all along. 

   But today, you’re not that brave. So you’ll just keep it bottled up like you do most things. For now, you’ll just let the slow burn simmer until it’s an uncontrollable wildfire that bursts into fiery flames. 

   Another few minutes pass by and just as the bath water starts to get cold, Joel asks, “You ‘bout ready to get out, sweetheart?”

   “Yeah. It’s getting a little cold now.”

   “Alright. Well, here’s a clean towel. Gonna put it right here for you.” He sets a fluffy white towel next to the side of the tub and nods his head toward the sink. “And I put your pajamas on the counter for you.”

   “Thank you,” you reply quietly, fascinated by the lengths he goes to make sure you’re taken care of.

   “You gonna be okay?” he asks, his words softening like his gentle brown eyes.

   “I think so,” you nod as a bubble pops around you. 

   “Alright, sweetheart.” He pushes off the floor with a grunt and heads toward the closed door, his hand reaching for the doorknob. “Well, I’ll let you get dried off and changed. I’m jus’ gonna…”

   “Joel?” You stop him before he leaves the room.

   “Yeah?” He turns his head, slicking a hand back through his dark locks.

   “Thank you… for being here for me.”

   A gentle smile meets his lips and a soft chuckle comes out. “Anytime, angel. Anytime.”

   Angel. He called you angel. 

   With one more glance, he’s exiting the bathroom, pulling the door shut behind him. You sink into the tub, letting out a deep breath and closing your eyes. 

   Joel did it. He helped you take a small step forward, helped you face one of your fears. And he didn’t push you, didn’t even nudge you toward the shower head. Instead, he drew you a bath and helped you get through it in one piece. You don’t think you can ever say enough words to thank him for what he did tonight. But deep down, he knows. 

   After drying off and throwing on your pink pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, you run the towel through your wet strands and rake the brush through your locks, already exhausted from the exertion of your shower meltdown. But then relief hits you that you took one step. 

   The first step is always the hardest, and Joel was right there, holding your hand the entire way. He was the reason you made it into the bathtub. And with him, it wasn’t as scary as you thought it’d be. Although, it was still terrifying, but you did it. 

   One step forward, no more back. 

   When you’re slipping under the sheets and about to turn off the bedside lamp, a slight knock sounds across the room, and your head snaps to the closed door, pulling your hand back from the lit lamp. 

   “Come in,” you echo across the big room. 

   The doorknob turns and in comes Joel, hesitantly hovering by the threshold of the open door, a small smile tugging at his lips. “You all settled?”

   “All settled,” you reply, shifting just a smidge beneath the warm comforter.

   “That’s good.” He leans against the doorway, his broad muscles pulling against the flannel fabric, eyes as warm as the first night you saw them. 

   You fidget your fingers around a thin piece of string, flicking your eyes nervously up at the man that stands in the glow of the dim hall lights. A man that helped you face one of your fears. And suddenly, you can’t think of what to say, so you just silently stare up at him until he speaks. 

   “Jus’ wanted to see if you got to bed alright.” He hovers there, big hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on the heel of his leather boots. 

   “Oh, right. Yeah, guess I made it alright.”

   He nods, giving you another soft smile in return. “You need anything? Water, tea?” 

   Shaking your head, you smile. “No. I think I’m fine. Thank you, though.”

   “Anytime, sweetheart.”

   Another pause and then he’s slowly turning away from you. “Well, uhh. I’ll let you get some sleep, sweetheart. S’been a long day—”

   “Wait,” you stop him and watch him turn back toward you, his eyebrows threaded together, an eager stare masking his face. 

   “Yeah?” he asks, anticipation hanging in the air. 

   This is it. You gulp down a breath, blow one out, and let another fall from your lips. “Joel, I just wanted to say thank you. For… for helping me take that first step of facing something that’s been eating me alive.”

   He nods, the pad of his thumb brushing over his denim jeans. “You were brave doin’ that, you know? After what you’ve been through… That took a lot of guts.”

   “Yeah…” you whisper out, nails digging deep into the blanket over your thighs, but then you flick your eyes up to him. “Not just for that either but also for listening to me. You didn’t have to…”

   “I did have to, though. That’s what you needed. Someone to listen.”

   Your eyes widen, throat tightens up, and you feel the prick of a tear meet your lash line. He wants to listen to you. He didn’t shut you out when you needed to get a little weight off your shoulders.

   Brushing away the tear before it can fall, you give him a look that says how desperate you are to be free from these nightmares that plague your mind. “Maybe if I just… talk about it then maybe it won’t hurt so bad.”

   His face drops, and his big, sad eyes look like a lost puppy who just watched its owner drive off without them. “Oh, sweetheart… I’m always here. I’ll always listen. You jus’ let me know when, and I’ll be right by your side. And Tess will listen. Ya know, when you’re ready, that is. But I’ll be your outlet when you need one.”

   You tug on a little smile, giving everything you have to show him how grateful you are he’s here. If it wasn’t for him, you might’ve been lost to the shadows already. But there he is, trying to pull you into the sunlight. 

   Sunlight. He’s sunlight. 

   “You always seem to know exactly what to say, don’t you?” you say reassuringly, eyes glossy as you look up into pools of warmth. 

   He shrugs his broad shoulders and gives you a crooked smile. “I try, sweetheart.”

   There’s a pause in the room, a silence that’s fallen like snow. You’ve suddenly forgotten how to speak so instead, you lift the blanket higher under your chin and slip down further in the bed, letting a yawn leave your lips. 

   Joel shifts by the door and places a large hand on the handle, about to make his exit. “Well, I’ll let you get some sleep, sweetheart.”

   “Yeah, good idea,” you yawn again, now realizing how tired you actually are. 

   But before he steps out, he turns back and looks at you with those sappy brown eyes you can’t seem to get out of your head. “Oh, before I forget…” He pauses to take a breath. “They might’ve tried to drain you, deplete you of everything inside you, but they didn’t steal it all. You’ve still got your shine, your soul, your heart. And they can’t ever take that from you. You’ve got so much potential in you, and I see it all. You’re gonna glow. I already see that flame in you. S’burnin’ brighter than a wildfire.”

   Eyes as wide as can be, you swallow back a choke and feel your eyes swimming. Did he really just say that?

   Brighter than a wildfire. 

   You open your mouth but nothing comes out. It’s like you’re stunned in place, frozen under a bright spotlight with nowhere to run. Nowhere except maybe to Joel because he’s at the end of the bright light just waiting for you. 

   He’s waiting. 

   “Thanks for seeing that I was worth saving…” you whisper out, still enamored by his kind words, his doe eyes, his beautiful heart. 

   “You’re welcome, angel,” he smiles, his hand still hovering over the doorknob. “Well, good night, sweetheart. Try to get some sleep.”

   “Good night…”

   And then he’s shutting the door softly, leaving you still mesmerized and bewitched by all the events that unraveled this evening. But most of all, you can’t forget every single word he said to you. 

   He sees potential in you, sees it all. He thinks you were worth saving. Thinks you’re gonna glow and shine and thrive. 

   As you rest your head on the fluffy pillow and close your eyes, all you see is Joel. Joel Joel Joel. And he’s the last thing you see before you slip off into a deep sleep. Except he’s still there in your dreams, shining like gold under the sunlight. 

   He’s sunlight. 

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[oatmealmika]

Law as your lover headcanon? (:

a/n : thank you for being patient with this request, anon!!! many virtual kisses coming your way <3

warnings : not proofread, not explicit smut, traumatized law, angst

word count : 684

loving law sounds like a hozier song. each night after the hardships of your daytime lives, you hold each other tight as you bask in his natural warmth. for a man who’s gone through so much heart-wrenching pain, his body wasn’t cold… a signifier that he was alive… his big hand circles your back, his strong, arched nose nuzzles into the crook of your neck. you longed for time to just pause at this very moment. you hated time with all you were.

at first, law didn’t want to fall in love. corazon showed him how bright love could be, but he couldn’t get hurt again. it’d shatter him if he had to lose anymore fractions of his soul. but when his days grew sunnier, even deep in the sea inside of his submarine, he knew he couldn’t fight how he felt.

one late night, you and law stayed in the kitchen talking. believe it or not, law was the one to confess. and once he opened his mouth, he couldn’t stop all the words from just flooding out. somehow, for the first time ever, the universe had to be on his side, because when a gleam crossed your face, he knew that night would forever be engraved into law’s soul.

he never thought he’d be such a romantic, and he failed to even notice it before shachi and penguin pointed it out to him. reflecting on it, he could acknowledge that he was a little bit… flowery, with his love: breakfast in bed, baths together, doing your laundry, and subconsciously following you around the submarine all day.

but he isn’t always the best lover. he definitely has his flaws, and nothing like this speaks louder than how he would push you away at the beginning of your relationship.

he was frightened. the thing the worst generation captain worth three billion berries was most scared of was undoubtedly opening his heart back up. in attempts to pushing you away, he’d make smartass remarks after the things you said, he’d suddenly act as if he didn’t love you, he’d prove to himself that he didn’t deserve you. you deserved someone who wasn’t so broken.

this was the roughest patch of your relationship. it didn’t end until you came crying to him, pleading the reason why he toyed with your heart so badly. and that was that. something inside him woke up, something that had been asleep ever since corazon died. he decided that, as long as he kept you alive and he was the one that had to die first, it’d be alright…

letting himself fall in love was the most freeing experience of his life. a huge weight lifted from his shoulders, his vision seemed clearer, and he felt the sun peep from behind the silhouettes of all the people behind him who wanted him to open his heart again.

falling asleep becomes easier, for you both. with the knowledge that no one could ever hurt you as long as the other was there. even if you yourself aren’t a good fighter, law knew in his soul that at least you would crave his absence, and that was enough for him.

four to six months into the relationship, you have your first time.

he was a mess. he felt he did so much wrong: cumming before you and rather quickly, whimpering so much that he knew you wouldn’t see him as the tough guy he always paraded around as, and even finishing with tears dripping down his cheeks.

a sense of guilt stung throughout him, but you managed to relax him about it when you sensed his uneasy silence. it took a little convincing that you didn’t mind, but he came around and allowed himself to indulge in another round.

law thought falling in love was out of the question for him before, but with you, he couldn’t believe how easy it was. he made mistakes. so many of them, and he knew there would still be more, but he wanted to figure it all out with you, sitting together for all of eternity.

made by @oatmealmika.

divider by @lavendergalactic.