#in that dream i felt guilty cause it was me and not jan he was kissing so uuuuuuh yeah

[hazzybat]

Thanks for coming Mr Jordan

okay so remember this idea by @cinder-rose of Nace having certain exciting dreams about Jan? well I wrote a little intro and then kinda wrote chapter 1 I guess? maybe I'll make it into more but for now have this! (casual 1000+ words lol)

this is 18+ btw as it involves porn dreams

Nace relaxed on the couch, his shirt off and warmth enveloping him. He was seeing Jan over the holidays but he couldn't remember which holidays they were. The house was large, full of impossible rooms and the largest, softest couch Nace could imagine. Then Jan was sprawled out next to him, his body warm flush against his own. His arm was loose around his neck and his lips were so close to Nace's. He felt a pang of guilt. He had a girlfriend who was.... he didn't know where she was. But Jan was so inviting and soft, his chest hair rough against his own flushed skin. Those beautiful lips whispered out "Thanks for coming Mr Jordan" before they pressed themselves to Nace's. Jan was everywhere. He was hot and perfect and he ground their hips together and Nace could think of nothing but how amazing it felt. Jan's hand snaked down his pants and right as he held his cock and began to stroke him Nace woke up. He wondered for a moment why his bed was so empty, his sheets tangled around his hips and drool on his cheek. Then his mind caught up and he groaned angrily. He was now single. His girlfriend had split with him a week ago, a mutual decision that still broke his heart. They hadn't been good for a while, drifting further and further apart until he hardly felt he knew the woman in front of him. Her side of the bed was cold. His mind replayed the dream and he groaned again. Why had it been Jan? Sure he was close to Jan but why did his sleep filled mind decide to put the man in his sex dreams? Even in his dream he’d felt guilty for kissing him. His hand trailed down his body until it found his very erect cock, precum already leaking from the tip. There was no point in wasting a perfectly good boner he mused. Maybe once he got off he could clear his head. He brought up his favourite porn, choosing to look at the amateur threesome from some time in the 90s rather than dwell on dream-Jan's perfect fingers and lips and body.

The video did the trick, the two men touching and feeling the woman before they made out with each other over her, the low quality footage allowing him to imagine their faces however he wanted and the moans a perfect mix of deep masculine need and high feminine want. He came easily and for a moment allowed himself to remember Jan's deep raspy words, "Thanks for coming Mr Jordan" It was just a dream. He needed a shower and a coffee, his mind already sweeping away the details like cobwebs. It didn't mean anything anyway. ‐--------- "Thank you for coming Mr Jordan" Jan said from the couch when Nace walked into the studio. The statement sent a pulse of pleasure straight to his dick and his brain short circuited. Did Jan know somehow? Could he read minds? Could he see the blush that was steadily covering Nace's cheeks? What the fuck was going on? Jan was sitting in one of the armchairs, his laptop open on the coffee table in front of him. He had a black tie slung around his neck and a black blazer on top with no shirt to speak of. A pair of Nace spare glasses were perched atop his nose. Looking closer it was actually one of Nace's blazers he'd stolen as well. "Nice glasses, where'd you get them?" Nace asked in at attempt at humour, something to bring a sense of normality back to this very strange day. Jan didn't answer, instead he leaned back in the chair, pulling the blazer back to show off a nipple, which he began to stroke with a lazy finger. "I'm so glad you're here Mr Jordan, I've been going through your accounts and I'm afraid the numbers are all wrong" Jan was overacting, his voice exaggerated and breathy asthe hand as his nipple began to kneed at his non existent breasts. His other hand took off the glasses and bit down on the arm of it seductively, looking at Nace with dark eyes. Nace was thoroughly confused but his cock was enjoying the terrible acting a bit too much, twitching at every breathy moan Jan gave between words. Had he actually woken up this morning? Was he still in his strange porn dream?

"I think I can fix the numbers, but only if you do me a big, long, hard favour," Jan continued, rising from the couch and sauntering over to where Nace was still frozen to the spot. This was hell, Nace had died and this was his punishment for staring a bit to long at Jan's fingers when he played. Or maybe it was heaven with the way Jan looked at him, glasses still in fingers, the end in his mouth and tongue dancing over it obscenely. Jan reached him and wrapped his arms around Nace's neck. His hand instinctively found Jan's hips. His brain finally kicked into gear when he managed to ask "what the fuck is happening?" "We got 2 minutes boys!" Jure cheered from his spot behind the door, walking into the room with his phone, using it as a stopwatch and proudly displaying the time to the others. Bojan followed close behind, handing over a note to Jure and grumbling to Kris about "why couldn't he wait another 20 seconds". Jan hadn't moved from his arms and Nace was still thoroughly confused. Jan took pity on him and explained "Bojan found the tie and your spare glasses and somehow we ended up with the idea of a bad porn intro. Sorry you ended up our leading lady but we wanted to see how long it would take you to question things." Jan was grinning along with the others as he fished around in his wallet and handed Jure a note alongside Bojan's. Kris tutted at Nace as if disappointed, also handing over a note to the drummer who was gleefully counting his winnings. Nace was bright red. They were going to be the death of him he knew it. He reluctantly dropped his hands from Jan’s waist and tried to laugh along with the others. This was going to be a very long day.

[missjanjie]

Santa Ana Winded | Gottrosé

Title: Santa Ana Winded Summary: Rosé is visiting Los Angeles just as the infamous Santa Ana Winds are kicking into high gear. On paper, that's fine, but staying with Mik certainly isn't going to make handling the potential effects of the 'devil winds' any easier. Word Count: 1823 Relationship(s): Gottrosé (Rosé/Gottmik) Rating: E

and thank you to @nickysjaida for beta-ing! ♥

read on ao3 | ko-fi

“Where are you staying, again?” Jan asked as he helped Rosé finish packing.

Rosé smiled as he propped the suitcase against the wall. “I’m staying with Mik. You know, he lives in that fancy house with all those influencers, and he was so insistent with that cute, little LA vocal fry, it’s impossible to say no to.”

Jan arched his brow – he knew his friend and he knew that smile. “You better watch yourself, sis,” he warned. “Especially going this time of year, that’s when the Santa Ana winds start hitting hard.”

“Why is that relevant?”

“They call them the Devil Winds,” he explained. “It’s known to cause weird dreams, usually about your deepest desires and fears. It also triggered the shit out of my allergies, but that’s not the point. It might cause you to act a little impulsive, is all I’m saying.”

Rosé’s brows rose in curiosity. “The fuck were you dreaming about at summer camp, huh?”

Jan blushed and cleared his throat. “It doesn’t matter because unlike during season twelve, I wouldn’t have had the chance to even consider acting on it, and I was having normal dreams on the plane home,” he said flatly. “You, however, are going in a lot more vulnerable to those devil winds,” he teased.

He scoffed. “Fuck off, I don’t even have allergies. And I think I’ll be able to control myself… you know, as long as I don’t drink,” he murmured. He was well aware that Jan and the whole internet knew what happened when he and Mik were left alone with alcohol.

“That’s a tall order for you, babe. Good luck.”

------

By the time Rosé landed in LAX, he had stopped thinking about Jan’s warnings about the wind. Jan was known to be dramatic, after all. He was sure his friend was just getting him riled up for no reason, or using it to justify whatever sex dreams he’d had about a certain other NYC queen, not that he was going to name names, but he could’ve.

It didn’t take long before he spotted Mik, but he’d only taken a few steps in his direction before the other queen came barrelling towards him at full speed, launching himself into Rosé’s open arms.

“Hi, baby,” Rosé greeted with a fond laugh, picking Mik up and spinning him around quickly, then carefully setting him back down. “I missed you.”

“I missed you so much, gorge,” Mik grinned as they made their way out of the airport. “This is gonna be so much fun. We should go live, the fans always go nuts for that,” he suggested. Once they stepped outside, he winced. “Fuck, it’s still windy as hell.”

Rosé nodded, “ah, the infamous Santa Ana Winds,” he observed as he loaded his luggage into the trunk of Mik’s car. “Jan gave me a whole warning about them. Do they actually fuck with your head and all of that?”

“I guess it, like, depends on your mental state or whatever. Last year we had to talk Gigi out of buying a plane ticket to Missouri, she was feeling it real heavy, like, she was either going to pull some teen romance stunt with Crystal or murder her boyfriend,” he explained with a casual flippancy as they made the drive back to his house. “Why, you worried the devil winds are gonna come for you?”

He clicked his tongue and shook his head, gaze avoidant. “No, just wanna be prepared for whatever chaos I’m walking into, you know? Knowing you, I could be walking in on an orgy or a crime scene.”

“I don’t see the problem here, gorge,” Mik retorted flippantly as he pulled up in front of the house.

Rosé laughed softly as he got out and grabbed his things. “Of course you don’t,” he retorted with a dry laugh as he followed him inside.

------

As it turned out, Rosé’s resolve not to drink was weak. He wouldn’t claim that he gave in to the peer pressure of a group of young twenty-somethings, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t allow himself to give in so his mind and body would shut up.

But he had fun, Mik was a good time and the group of them knew how to party without being over the top. Nothing happened between him and Mik throughout the night beyond some too-close, sloppy, dancing, so he went to bed that night considering it a success.

It wasn’t long before Rosé fell asleep, the powerful gusts of wind serving to soothe him. The way the palm trees creaked and rattled from the relentless devil winds turned into little more than white noise. The dream that followed, however, played out what he had prevented in reality.

The dream wasn’t coherent and linear, but the content was clear – he was in bed with Mik, both of them naked. Their hands and mouths were all over each other, moans spilling from their lips. It felt real, too real.

When he jolted awake, Rosé swore he could still feel Mik’s fingers lingering on his skin. His face and chest were bright red and his breathing was heavy. He looked under the covers and groaned at the tent that was pitched in his boxers.

Before Rosé could address the situation at hand, he heard the bedroom door creak open and he quickly repositioned himself on his side to cover his erection. “Mik?” he squinted his eyes as he tried to see through the darkness, adjusting enough to make out the familiar frame.

“Oh, perf, you’re awake.” Mik’s voice normally had such a casual nonchalance about it, but when he spoke this time, there seemed to be a mix of both strain and relief. “Look, I know this is gonna sound fucking lame as shit, but I had a, um…” he shook his head, just getting the words out was impossible with the strength of his pride.

“A dream, perchance?” Rosé chuckled softly and ran a hand through his hair, “because that would make two of us.”

The tension left Mik’s body and a spark of confidence took its place. “So, you feel it too,” it was somewhere between a question and an observation, but he didn’t wait for Rosé to clarify. He crawled onto the bed and straddled his lap, his eyes instantly going wide. “It really was the same dream, huh?” he smirked.

Rosé couldn’t even be embarrassed when he met Mik’s eyes, the lust he saw in them erasing any emotion beyond unbridled desire. Logic and reason were gone with the wind and the next thing he knew, his hands were on Mik’s face and he was pulling him into a kiss. It was deep and heated, their tongues swirled together and their hands tangled in each other’s hair.

Very few words were spoken – if they talked, they might start overthinking and psyche themselves out. They were already in too deep, there was no turning back now. It was too fast, fervent, clothes were being tossed aside in every direction. The only time they came up for air was when Mik reached into the end table drawer to grab lube and a condom.

They switched positions, Rosé rolling on top of Mik. He took the bottle of lube and slicked up two fingers, working in one, then another. His eyes were trained on Mik’s face, watching for any expression that he should stop. Instead, he watched his face contort in pleasure and listened to the moans that spilled from his lips.

Mik took the condom that was still on the bed and tore it open with his teeth, then rolled it down Rosé’s length. “This is your last chance to back out,” he warned, though there was a clear, unspoken ‘please don’t’.

“I’m not,” Rosé assured. He had already gotten to this point and god, he was aching to see it through. He carefully eased into him, one hand guiding his length while the other steadied himself by holding onto Mik’s waist. He let out a grunt as he bottomed out, then slowly picked up a steady thrusting pace.

“Fuck…” Mik exhaled in a breathy moan. His hips bucked up, picking up the rhythm of Rosé’s thrusts and writhing in tandem. He didn’t realize just how deeply and intensely his lust for him ran until it culminated in that moment. His fingers dug into the flesh of his shoulder blades, blunt nails still leaving indentations.

Even during sex, little was said between them beyond whispers of praise or dirty talk. Their moans and whines were loud and passionate, culminating sharply when they rode out their orgasms in tandem.

Rosé had to catch his breath before he pulled out, rolling the condom off his length and throwing it away. He laid back down and stared up at the ceiling, heavy breathing and wind blowing the only noises remaining.

Mik shifted over to Rosé, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on his chest. “I know what you’re thinking,” he murmured. “Just… don’t say it.”

And Mik was right, so he didn’t.

------

“You’re looking pretty guilty,” Jan observed as he sat with Rosé during the uber ride back from the airport. “I don’t suppose this has anything to do with a certain LA-based season thirteen drag queen?”

“Nope, I didn’t even see Symone.”

Jan crossed his arms and arched his brow. “Come on, Rosie…”

Rosé groaned, getting out of the car and grabbing his luggage from the trunk. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he insisted before they walked up and took the elevator into his apartment. It wasn’t until they were alone in his bedroom that he sighed and confessed, “I had sex with Mik.”

Even though Jan suspected as much, hearing his friend make that confession still caught him by surprise. “Oh shit,” he gasped softly. “What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t fucking know!” he ran his hand through his hair as he paced back and forth across his bedroom. “How am I supposed to explain that I ignored the very clear instruction of ‘do not hook up with Mik’? I know being stupid is part of my brand, but this is crossing a line that I don’t know if I can bounce back from if I even deserve it.”

Jan stopped Rosé by grabbing onto his shoulders. “Listen to me, whatever happens, however it turns out, I’m gonna be here for you,” he promised. “I’ve gotta head out now, but I will drop everything in an instant if you need me, okay?” and after they exchanged goodbyes, he was on his way.

Rosé rubbed his face and stared at himself in the mirror. He shook his head, then his heart dropped to his stomach when he heard the front door rattling, then opening. “I’ll be right there, baby!” he called out, then refocused his gaze at his reflection. “You ruined everything, you stupid bitch.”

[artificialqueens]

Santa Ana Winded (Gottrosé) - Joley

Summary: Rosé is visiting Los Angeles just as the infamous Santa Ana Winds are kicking into high gear. On paper, that’s fine, but staying with Mik certainly isn’t going to make handling the potential effects of the ‘devil winds’ any easier.

ao3 link

“Where are you staying, again?” Jan asked as he helped Rosé finish packing.

Rosé smiled as he propped the suitcase against the wall. “I’m staying with Mik. You know, he lives in that fancy house with all those influencers, and he was so insistent with that cute, little LA vocal fry, it’s impossible to say no to.”

Jan arched his brow – he knew his friend and he knew that smile. “You better watch yourself, sis,” he warned. “Especially going this time of year, that’s when the Santa Ana winds start hitting hard.”

“Why is that relevant?”

“They call them the Devil Winds,” he explained. “It’s known to cause weird dreams, usually about your deepest desires and fears. It also triggered the shit out of my allergies, but that’s not the point. It might cause you to act a little impulsive, is all I’m saying.”

Rosé’s brows rose in curiosity. “The fuck were you dreaming about at summer camp, huh?”

Jan blushed and cleared his throat. “It doesn’t matter because unlike during season twelve, I wouldn’t have had the chance to even consider acting on it, and I was having normal dreams on the plane home,” he said flatly. “You, however, are going in a lot more vulnerable to those devil winds,” he teased.

He scoffed. “Fuck off, I don’t even have allergies. And I think I’ll be able to control myself… you know, as long as I don’t drink,” he murmured. He was well aware that Jan and the whole internet knew what happened when he and Mik were left alone with alcohol.

“That’s a tall order for you, babe. Good luck.”

——

By the time Rosé landed in LAX, he had stopped thinking about Jan’s warnings about the wind. Jan was known to be dramatic, after all. He was sure his friend was just getting him riled up for no reason, or using it to justify whatever sex dreams he’d had about a certain other NYC queen, not that he was going to name names, but he could’ve.

It didn’t take long before he spotted Mik, but he’d only taken a few steps in his direction before the other queen came barrelling towards him at full speed, launching himself into Rosé’s open arms.

“Hi, baby,” Rosé greeted with a fond laugh, picking Mik up and spinning him around quickly, then carefully setting him back down. “I missed you.”

“I missed you so much, gorge,” Mik grinned as they made their way out of the airport. “This is gonna be so much fun. We should go live, the fans always go nuts for that,” he suggested. Once they stepped outside, he winced. “Fuck, it’s still windy as hell.”

Rosé nodded, “ah, the infamous Santa Ana Winds,” he observed as he loaded his luggage into the trunk of Mik’s car. “Jan gave me a whole warning about them. Do they actually fuck with your head and all of that?”

“I guess it, like, depends on your mental state or whatever. Last year we had to talk Gigi out of buying a plane ticket to Missouri, she was feeling it real heavy, like, she was either going to pull some teen romance stunt with Crystal or murder her boyfriend,” he explained with a casual flippancy as they made the drive back to his house. “Why, you worried the devil winds are gonna come for you?”

He clicked his tongue and shook his head, gaze avoidant. “No, just wanna be prepared for whatever chaos I’m walking into, you know? Knowing you, I could be walking in on an orgy or a crime scene.”

“I don’t see the problem here, gorge,” Mik retorted flippantly as he pulled up in front of the house.

Rosé laughed softly as he got out and grabbed his things. “Of course you don’t,” he retorted with a dry laugh as he followed him inside.

——

As it turned out, Rosé’s resolve not to drink was weak. He wouldn’t claim that he gave in to the peer pressure of a group of young twenty-somethings, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t allow himself to give in so his mind and body would shut up.

But he had fun, Mik was a good time and the group of them knew how to party without being over the top. Nothing happened between him and Mik throughout the night beyond some too-close, sloppy, dancing, so he went to bed that night considering it a success.

It wasn’t long before Rosé fell asleep, the powerful gusts of wind serving to soothe him. The way the palm trees creaked and rattled from the relentless devil winds turned into little more than white noise. The dream that followed, however, played out what he had prevented in reality.

The dream wasn’t coherent and linear, but the content was clear – he was in bed with Mik, both of them naked. Their hands and mouths were all over each other, moans spilling from their lips. It felt real, too real.

When he jolted awake, Rosé swore he could still feel Mik’s fingers lingering on his skin. His face and chest were bright red and his breathing was heavy. He looked under the covers and groaned at the tent that was pitched in his boxers.

Before Rosé could address the situation at hand, he heard the bedroom door creak open and he quickly repositioned himself on his side to cover his erection. “Mik?” he squinted his eyes as he tried to see through the darkness, adjusting enough to make out the familiar frame.

“Oh, perf, you’re awake.” Mik’s voice normally had such a casual nonchalance about it, but when he spoke this time, there seemed to be a mix of both strain and relief. “Look, I know this is gonna sound fucking lame as shit, but I had a, um…” he shook his head, just getting the words out was impossible with the strength of his pride.

“A dream, perchance?” Rosé chuckled softly and ran a hand through his hair, “because that would make two of us.”

The tension left Mik’s body and a spark of confidence took its place. “So, you feel it too,” it was somewhere between a question and an observation, but he didn’t wait for Rosé to clarify. He crawled onto the bed and straddled his lap, his eyes instantly going wide. “It really was the same dream, huh?” he smirked.

Rosé couldn’t even be embarrassed when he met Mik’s eyes, the lust he saw in them erasing any emotion beyond unbridled desire. Logic and reason were gone with the wind and the next thing he knew, his hands were on Mik’s face and he was pulling him into a kiss. It was deep and heated, their tongues swirled together and their hands tangled in each other’s hair.

Very few words were spoken – if they talked, they might start overthinking and psyche themselves out. They were already in too deep, there was no turning back now. It was too fast, fervent, clothes were being tossed aside in every direction. The only time they came up for air was when Mik reached into the end table drawer to grab lube and a condom.

They switched positions, Rosé rolling on top of Mik. He took the bottle of lube and slicked up two fingers, working in one, then another. His eyes were trained on Mik’s face, watching for any expression that he should stop. Instead, he watched his face contort in pleasure and listened to the moans that spilled from his lips.

Mik took the condom that was still on the bed and tore it open with his teeth, then rolled it down Rosé’s length. “This is your last chance to back out,” he warned, though there was a clear, unspoken ‘please don’t’.

“I’m not,” Rosé assured. He had already gotten to this point and god, he was aching to see it through. He carefully eased into him, one hand guiding his length while the other steadied himself by holding onto Mik’s waist. He let out a grunt as he bottomed out, then slowly picked up a steady thrusting pace.

“Fuck…” Mik exhaled in a breathy moan. His hips bucked up, picking up the rhythm of Rosé’s thrusts and writhing in tandem. He didn’t realize just how deeply and intensely his lust for him ran until it culminated in that moment. His fingers dug into the flesh of his shoulder blades, blunt nails still leaving indentations.

Even during sex, little was said between them beyond whispers of praise or dirty talk. Their moans and whines were loud and passionate, culminating sharply when they rode out their orgasms in tandem.

Rosé had to catch his breath before he pulled out, rolling the condom off his length and throwing it away. He laid back down and stared up at the ceiling, heavy breathing and wind blowing the only noises remaining.

Mik shifted over to Rosé, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on his chest. “I know what you’re thinking,” he murmured. “Just… don’t say it.”

And Mik was right, so he didn’t.

——

“You’re looking pretty guilty,” Jan observed as he sat with Rosé during the uber ride back from the airport. “I don’t suppose this has anything to do with a certain LA-based season thirteen drag queen?”

“Nope, I didn’t even see Symone.”

Jan crossed his arms and arched his brow. “Come on, Rosie…”

Rosé groaned, getting out of the car and grabbing his luggage from the trunk. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he insisted before they walked up and took the elevator into his apartment. It wasn’t until they were alone in his bedroom that he sighed and confessed, “I had sex with Mik.”

Even though Jan suspected as much, hearing his friend make that confession still caught him by surprise. “Oh shit,” he gasped softly. “What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t fucking know!” he ran his hand through his hair as he paced back and forth across his bedroom. “How am I supposed to explain that I ignored the very clear instruction of ‘do not hook up with Mik’? I know being stupid is part of my brand, but this is crossing a line that I don’t know if I can bounce back from if I even deserve it.”

Jan stopped Rosé by grabbing onto his shoulders. “Listen to me, whatever happens, however it turns out, I’m gonna be here for you,” he promised. “I’ve gotta head out now, but I will drop everything in an instant if you need me, okay?” and after they exchanged goodbyes, he was on his way.

Rosé rubbed his face and stared at himself in the mirror. He shook his head, then his heart dropped to his stomach when he heard the front door rattling, then opening. “I’ll be right there, baby!” he called out, then refocused his gaze at his reflection. “You ruined everything, you stupid bitch.”

[janus-stanus]

Do you have any Janus headcanons that you want to share?? I seriously love reading peoples' headcanon

You want Janus headcanons? I’ll give you Janus headcanons. All the headcanons.

* Janus came into existence as a Side later than the others, and he wasn’t initially Deceit. More on that here and here (though I have some changes in mind for when I actually write something out of it, hehe)

* He became in charge of keeping Remus out of school things kind of by default, and from there, they bonded.

* He got into spats with Patton often, which he took way more seriously than Patton ever did. Usually everyone else sided with Patton, cause they knew and trust him. Especially Roman.

* Janus learned to fake confidence fairly early on. He figured, he had to convince himself that he knew what he was doing before the others would take him seriously. You know. “I am the first one I deceive”. That. Oh, and “Razzle Dazzle”.

* He’s planted “roots” in Thomas’s mental system, like a network of cables that can transfer information to him almost instantly. He has clusters of roots form around secrets he (or the others) is (are) keeping from Thomas. For the aesthetic, his eyes glow gold when he checks in to it, and the information rings in his ears like hissing.

* As a kid he wore a yellow shirt, with a waistcoat over it to make himself appear more professional. As a teen, he wore a long black coat, a fedora, and a striped yellow scarf. There’s more I want to say about the scarf, but, spoilers.

* ...That being said, I will spoil this from the wip where the sides all find their names: Logan helped Janus find his (ever notice that we didn’t see Logan’s reaction to Janus’s name reveal in POF? I’m running with it). He liked the name, it felt right... but it, at this point, didn’t really tell him anymore about what his purpose was supposed to be.

* It stops being a sore spot for him at a certain point, but then by the time of POF, where his failures have definitely not been getting to him, it kinda sorta is again! Hence, his... reaction, to Roman’s... reaction.

* (Also, it’s just his instinct by this point to be snide and pointedly cruel when he’s hurt or backed into a corner. He knows how to go for the jugular, and sometimes he doesn’t realize - or doesn’t care - just how deep his blows will cut.)

* Since I mentioned Jan originally not being Deceit... here’s a song that basically lays out why he came to take on that role :) (spotify recced this to me a few days ago and I’m still not over it)

* It was only once Janus became Deceit that he started gaining his snake features. First fangs; then the changes to his left eye; then his scales. Right before the other sides found out about the gay, the scales covered his whole face, and probably went below his shoulders too. It was bad. By teen times they’ve receded to mostly one side of his face, but they’re still on his neck for a few years (hence the scarf).

* Jump ahead to Thomas in early high school, and Janus, for reasons that would be Big Time Spoilers (though I may be able to... share some excerpts... if people want...), chose to cut himself and Remus off from Thomas. He keeps their existence a secret, having them only influence Thomas subconsciously, until, well, the series basically. (Virgil joined the “others” shortly after the divide, of his own choice, and thus wasn’t hidden from Thomas like the rest of them were.)

* For all those years, Janus whispered comforting lies to Thomas. Lies that stopped working after he revealed himself in CLBG, because Thomas now recognized that voice as belonging to his deceitful side. I have a wip about this that I’m planning to finish and post for his birthday!

* Janus helped Thomas believe that he was an honest person. A good person, even. Because, that’s what Thomas wanted, as evidenced by the Big Time Spoilers. Even as Janus recognized the long term impacts of the lie. Even as he himself thought the whole moral dilemma was a distraction at best.

* The more Janus dedicated himself to becoming Deceit, the more he came to rely on lies, which is a large part of why his and Virgil’s relationship collapsed. All their conversations became like, to borrow an old metaphor of mine, fencing duels, with Janus always trying to assert his control and distract from his intentions with witty remarks, and Virgil always assuming the worst of him, rapidly switching between offense and defense.

* Janus and Remus’s relationship was, and is, much less hostile. Yes, Remus gets on his nerves, literally every day... but, unlike the others when it comes to Jan, “trust” isn’t a hurdle for Remus. They’re partners in crime; they’re best friends. And that’s enough. It has to be.

* I don’t really have a better place for the following diatribe, so here we go:

Ever since the Big Time Spoilers thing, Janus has done what he can to eliminate and prevent any feelings of regret for the bad things he does. He justifies to himself that it was the best choice he could have made, that it was a necessary evil; or, he convinces himself that what he said or did wasn’t that bad, the blame is on the everyone else for reacting the way they did; or, he simply goes “oopsie, my bad, definitely won’t repeat that mistake” and does everything he can not to think about it again. To quote the song “Devil in the Details” from his playlist again, “I put my past into the ground”.

Speaking of songs, there’s this line from the song “Never Love an Anchor” by The Crane Wives, one of my favorite bands incidentally:

It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest With this heart of mine that’s guilty not remorseful

Janus will readily admit to being guilty of having made bad decisions, decisions that hurt people (though in the moment he will be unreasonably stubborn about admitting he’s doing something wrong/stupid, to self defeating ends).

But remorseful? No, he’s never remorseful. At least, he’d like to believe he isn’t (because that would just make things so much more complicated).

And when so much of your own conception of yourself is based on lies you’ve told, to feel more confident, to feel like you belong, like you’re doing what you should be doing...

Is there really a difference?

I have No way Of telling The two Apart

Oh hey, “Devil in the Details”, what are you doing here again? It’s almost like I draw half of my entire Janus characterization from you alone /hj

* (This is a deliberate contradictory parallel to Virgil, who seems to keep a full record of every mistake Thomas has made (see ATDH). Anxiety constantly digs up your past mistakes, theoretically to make sure you don’t repeat them. What Thomas needs, as with every dilemma in this series, is a healthy balance between their two perspectives.)

* The last of the pre-canon headcanons I have is this. TL;DR, Janus helps Roman out when Thomas plays villianous roles (their cooperation could perhaps explain why Roman initially described Janus as “very nice”)

* Janus’s plan for CLBG was not to get caught; he was hoping to convince Thomas of his various merits over the course of multiple discussions, before properly revealing himself.

* When PattonJanus asks, “Virgil, it’s me. Aren’t we friends?” That’s like 10% him still trying to keep up the facade, but 90% him asking genuinely. And the fact that Virgil can’t even look at him when he answers implies that he has some doubt too... because it still might be Patton and he doesn’t want to hurt him? Or because, he knows it’s Janus, but his feelings are just that complicated?

* In between CLBG and SvS, Janus realizes the thing I pointed out earlier about his subconscious lies suddenly working not nearly as well on Thomas - specifically, the whole “good person” thing, since it’s currently causing him a lot of stress. Instead of dwelling on the fact that this has kind of undone years and years of work on his end, Janus goes, “You know what? I never believed that bullshit mattered anyway! I should convince Thomas that it doesn’t matter either; it’ll be much better for him in the long term.” And then the wedding vs callback dilemma presents the perfect opportunity. Hence, SvS, parts 1 and 2.

* Janus can read the other sides like open books... but only if they’re acting within the narrow perspective of what Janus would expect from them. The biggest example is with Roman in SvS. Janus knows that Roman wants to go to the callback more than anything. He’s Thomas’s Hopes and Dreams, for Pete’s sake! But what he doesn’t expect, is the extent to which Roman priorities Thomas being good (or believing himself to be good), even at the expense of his actual role as a side. That’s why Roman’s sentencing of Thomas throws him so badly; it’s when he realizes just how much Patton’s unopposed influence has affected Thomas (not that Patton ever meant it that way).

* My thoughts on Janus’s motivations for setting Remus loose in DWIT and his feelings on the matter afterward are covered in this fic (which you’ve commented on, but you know the hustle, gotta self promo where I can)

* So. Putting Others First. I don’t have much to add on top of the wonderful canon content it gave us. But.

“Sometimes I don't know the way. But... When I told you that, you were so scared. I couldn't bear it. So I said to myself, ‘Alright, Patton. Thomas needs you. You're responsible for his morality. You can never not have an answer for him.’

After Patton says this, the cut to Janus?

The Thing his face does after the eyebrow raise?

I live for this shit.

A while ago, my headcanon for this moment was that it was when Janus realized that Thomas wanted to be a good person, as much and as genuinely as he wanted anything else (like, being famous and fulfilling his dreams), and that, as the one who wants what Thomas wants, it’s a drive he should take into consideration. But then I rewatched CLBG, and was struck by this exchange:

[Thomas]: Why didn't I know about him until now? [Virgil]: He had you convinced you're an honest person. [Thomas]: But I... AM an honest person. [Deceit]: Oh, you are, Thomas. You are a good person. Everybody says so.

This is where some fo the earlier stuff about Janus playing into Thomas’s belief that he was a good person came from, and it required a changing of my interpretation of That Look in POF. So now? I take it as the moment Janus realizes that, when he revealed himself like a Scooby Doo villain, the effect wasn’t just that he could no longer use his comforting lies on Thomas. It put the whole responsibility of Thomas believing he’s good, something obviously very important to him, onto Patton, a side he could trust. And Janus knows what kind of toll that burden must have taken on him.

* I have plans now for a Janus & Patton fic set after the Janus & Logan one that’s been in limbo since the summer which will delve more into Janus’s vulnerabilities, going back to the whole idea of him being guilty but not feeling remorseful.

To not give away too much... Like how Logan insists he doesn’t feel things because he’s Logic, because it would get in the way of his function, Janus insists that he doesn’t have any interest in his own morality or how he’s perceived by the other sides, because it would get in the way of his ability to do what’s best for Thomas. He needs to be able to push Thomas to act in his own self-interest in all scenarios, and otherwise manipulate things behind the scenes, even when it requires being immoral. So he, Janus, can’t care about being a good person.

But Janus is a part of Thomas. And he won’t get away with hiding from the implications of that for much longer. 

He’ll have to face the mortifying ordeal of being known, and of feeling remorse.

Will this be his arc in canon? Who knows; I’m just having fun :)

...Those last two got kinda long. Sorry about that, lol. Let’s knock some final few ones out.

* Moving on, in FWSA, both Patton and Janus were watching the proceedings, with Janus contributing when called on (something he’s not used to, especially at that frequency). This leads to this post.

* Janus wants to have control, influence, some modicum of power, in any scenario he’s in. He does not like leaving things up to other people. He’s learned he can’t predict Remus and has mostly come to live with that, and he’ll ultimately bow to Thomas’s judgement if it conflicts with his own, but they are the only exceptions.

* This post.

* I don’t think about human AUs much, but, if you’ll allow me some projection: human Janus who’s nonbinary with eczema.

* An UnderTale related thought I posted months ago: A human Janus in that world would be a Determination (Red) soul, who has at times attempted and spectacularly failed at being a Patience soul. Put another way, the boy tries to plan and wait things out, but... you know.

* Lastly, he’s an enneagram type eight. Enjoy the song, and thanks for asking about my thoughts!

[angel-emmerson]

Unearned Chances | Self-Para

addiction mention tw / abortion mention tw

Ángel’s eyes barely left the sugar packet he was playing with in his hands. He shouldn’t have been there, shouldn’t have lied to his moms about where he was spending the day, he should have told someone. But as of late he didn’t want to tell anyone anything, not even Quinn which he knew was slightly dramatic. But he was starting to feel like the minute he let something out into the universe it stopped being his. So maybe he needed a break, from social media, from his day to day life, something if it meant finding some semblance of balance again. But this..this was different. It was slightly selfish, slightly reckless and slightly reasonable. It had been on his mind for months, the lack of closure still swirling around his mind and the look in the older man’s eyes when he left. 

So now he sat in a run down diner on the side of the highway, slightly sweating his ass off as he sat across from his father, a cold plate of fries in between them. 

He hated how much he looked like him, the shape of his nose, his hair, the way he looked when he enjoyed a bite of food. He felt like he was looking at an older version of himself and it was terrifying. He didn’t think he needed a father, didn’t think he needed a male figure like him. He had his uncles, his coaches who had stepped in as pseudo fathers, giving him a ride home, making sure he knew how to be a good man. But he knew it was different, knew that even the one’s who stuck around weren’t necessarily great. He never thought he needed him but looking at him now, he realized how many questions he had. 

“So uh, you...you still sick?”

Christian nodded as he set down his silverware and reached for his glass of water. “Part of getting older, you know? You get old, your bones ache, you get sick. Your mother, she worries too much an-”

“Don’t...” Ángel held up his hand with a sigh, “Don’t..look, I’m here but she’s not my mother, alright? I got two moms and their names are Jan and Dawn, let’s just get that straight.”

“Okay, okay don’t get all tight on me, alright? You get that from me, that temper of yours,” he told him, pointing at him with a fork before he sat back. “I see it, your eyes all crazy, I know you must be going through it if you reached out to me. I know it’s not just cause you wanted to wish me a happy father’s day.”

“Sure wasn’t. Don’t talk like you know me, alright? You don’t fucking know me,” Ángel grumbled as he sat up a bit. “Yeah I’m going through shit, if I was smart I would have stayed my ass home but look at me, one big dumbass sitting here with you. Not like I didn’t know I could blame all this anger on your anyway. You and your wife did a fucking number on me, you know that? Selfish shit, real selfish shit. You gonna explain that all away to me? Tell me how you had a tough life and shit?”

Christian’s grip around his fork tightened and Ángel saw that familiar look of rage in his eyes, hating how much he recognized it. “You always talk this much shit or do I get special treatment? Marissa says you’re all over social media looking happy and enjoying life. What happened? Some mujer broke your heart or something?” He pushed some food around his plate before sighing. “Your mother and I were addicts,” he said plainly as he glanced up at Ángel. “We were...surprised when she got pregnant. We were..so sure we could get it together but we couldn’t. I wanted her to get an abortion, she was going to and then she got to there and changed her mind, you know, it wasn’t so easy to get them back then. So we saw it through and we...we tried, we tried hard and when we had you, we were sober but then..” he looked away, clearly ashamed but Ángel found it hard to have pity. “You want the truth? We were high out of our minds when we gave you up. It was stupid and dangerous and we drove away fucking stupid. I know it was stupid but after that, things changed, we became depressed, angry and we realized we had no choice when a year letter we got pregnant with Adolfo. I know..I know we weren’t good people but we have...tried our hardest to make up for that time, okay? And we..we thought about looking for you, we did but it was..”

“What? Too hard? Fuck, you want me to sit here and have pity at what you just told me? Cause all I got from that is I was a fucking mistake. And you decided not to look for me, you decided that I didn’t get to know the good version of you so why should I now? I’m supposed to care that you’re gonna die?” Ángel ran his hands over his face and shook his head, letting out a bitter laugh. “Legit no part of that story made anything better, yo. It made it worse. Like way worse. And look I have plenty of people in my life who have struggled with addiction, I get it, alright? Life’s tough, real tough but you know what you should have done instead? Been less selfish and aborted my ass,” he practically spat at him, swallowing back the rest of the words as he heard his own echo back to him. His gaze dropped back to the sugar packet in his hands and he noticed he had finally ripped a piece, hesitating before he swept the leftover sugar onto the floor. 

It was quiet for a few moments as both of them let their anger settle, both of them cycling through different thoughts and emotions, not quite sure which one to land on. 

“No puedo cambiar el pasado,” Christian started, forcing himself to look at his son, a stranger who’s eyes he had been the first to look into. How could it be that the tiny baby in his arm had become this grown man? How could it be that even without him he had still become full of rage? “Pero quiero cambiar el presente. Por favor, Ángel. Dame esa oportunidad. I know I don’t deserve it, okay? I know, but I am here at your mercy. You called, remember? Me llamaste.”

Ángel swallowed thickly as he thought about his words. He thought about all the chances he had given to the people in his life, the way he loved Quinn almost to a fault, the way the people in his life with addictions had drained so many moments from him. He thought about his recent fight and how that had been fueled by someone’s addiction and how his entire life seemed to be consumed by addiction. His very life had been a creation of it and he wasn’t sure he had it in him. He was quiet as he sat there, one of his legs bouncing as he closed his eyes and a few tears slipped out. He was so angry, he was so tired, he was so lost. The tears kept streaming and every time he thought he knew what he was going to say, he lost it all over again. Before he knew it, he heard Christian getting up from his seat, pulling him up from his own in order to embrace him in a hug. He froze at first, until he remembered they were in the middle of nowhere and he hugged him back, practically falling apart against him. 

Christian felt like he was dreaming and he held his son the way he had hoped to for all those years, the ways he had dreamed of when his wife told him to stop thinking about it, to stop feeling guilty every year May 30th passed, every time hef ound himself looking back on his life and realizing that he was never proud of any of it after that moment. He didn’t think he was a bad man but he didn’t think he was a good one and the man in his arms now, angry and damaged and sad, was proof that he had always been to blame, that he had done this no matter how much he tried to deny it. 

After what felt like far too long, they finally pulled apart and Ángel was quick in wiping at his face, stepping back out of embarrassment as he pulled his wallet from his back pocket and dropped some money down to pay for the food. He was quiet as they walked out and he slid on his sunglasses, unlocking the car so Christian could get back in and he could drop him off a block away from where he lived just like he had picked him up. He was still quiet as he helped him into the passenger seat, trying to imagine what he must have been like at a younger age, wondering what had led him to be an addict, what had happened with his father to turn him into who he was. He hated that he had so many questions, which meant he wouldn’t stop until he asked them. 

“My high school diploma and my college degree have your name on it. Ángel Christian, I never changed it, mostly cause I didn’t know it was your name.” He turned the volume as his music came on and Christian reached out to turn it up. 

“What do you know about Jon Secada, huh? Now that man can sing and this is a jam,” he concluded, staring out the window as he sang along to the song blasting on the radio. 

Ángel caught glimpses of him as he drove, watching him lose himself in the song, taking in just how..ordinary he was, how human and he almost resented the way it twisted the anger in him and turned it into a tiny ounce of compassion. Could he be blamed for wanting to get to know his dying father? 

He eased into the parking spot he had picked the older man up in and parked the car, thinking about how different things had been the last time he was there. Christian hesitated as the car went into park and he realized this was just another secret he’d have to keep, but it seemed a bit easier when it came with the chance to atone for his greatest sin. 

“Will I get to see you again?”

Ángel opened his mouth to speak but stopped himself soon after, clearing his throat before he nodded softly. “I-I got more questions so uh, yeah..yeah I’ll call you, alright?”

He didn’t miss the small smile that grew on Christian’s face as he got out of the car to help him out, making sure he was settled on his feet with his cane before he shut the passenger door. “Tómalo con calma caminando por la manzana, viejo.”

Christian let out a laugh as he gave Ángel’s shoulder a squeeze. “Me encanta escucharte hablar español.” 

Ángel actually managed a slight bit of a smile as he looked at him but shook it off and went back around to get in his truck. He gave the older man one more wave before he watched him start on down the block and he waited until he was mostly there before he pulled away. Maybe he had made a mistake by reaching out but the further away he drove, the more he found himself wishing he had done it sooner. 

[padawanlost]

Anakin Skywalker & Slavery

Continuation of this post (a question by @ask-the-almighty-google)

Anakin, as a Jedi, had a unique approach to slavery. I’m aware this is a divisive topic with opinions ranging from “Anakin was worse than Jabba” to “Anakin did nothing wrong”. Instead of doing a “opinion piece” I decided it would be more constructive if we could look at the facts. My personal opinion will still be a part of this but today I’ll try to show more and talk less.

Anakin, as a child born in slavery, was deeply traumatize by his experiences and that certainly influenced how he look at it. His reactions to slavery were personal because it was something deeply personal to him. Anakin was wrong in not fighting for the clones but to expect Anakin to passionately the cause is unrealistic because he spend the previous 10 years old his life behind constantly criticized for that exact same behavior. He did want to save all slaves but the Jedi “beat” that dream of out him.

“Worried about helping Jabba? Don’t worry, everyone else is, too.” Anakin could never answer her. He tried not to think about it, but the thought was like a corris weevil, eating away at his resolve. The Jedi had never tried to rescue his mother or buy her out of slavery. Instead, they had taken him, given him this new life, but left her behind on Tatooine. He had just accepted it at the time, but now … now he knew how much power Jedi had, and all he could wonder is why she hadn’t been worth their time and trouble, too, if only to keep him happy. Not even Qui-Gon Jinn had cast a backward glance at Shmi Skywalker. As the months and years wore on, the question would not leave Anakin alone. He didn’t want to let resentment eat away at his fond memories of his old Master, but he couldn’t stop it sometimes. […]The Jedi Council had credits. Real wealth. Would it really have been beyond them to buy his mother out of slavery? Anakin accepted that some things had to be learned from the cradle. He was already full of attachment and emotion, too set in his ways of being a messy, ordinary human to adopt the aloof serenity—the unloving detachment, the arm’s-length and measured compassion—a Jedi needed. He did his best. Why wasn’t my mother worth saving? [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

Why won’t they help me free my mother? It’s not fair! It’s not right! Countless times, Obi-Wan explained that every Jedi had to obey the directives of the Jedi Council, and could never use the Force for selfish purposes. He urged Anakin to consider how freeing one slave on Tatooine might lead to the deaths of others, as some slavers might prefer to destroy their “property” than release them from bondage. The Jedi also had to answer to the Galactic Senate, and for the time being, the Senate had little interest in anything that happened on Tatooine. Why do the Jedi have to answer to anybody? Anakin wondered. Despite Anakin’s desire to distance himself from the slave he had once been, he was unable, or unwilling, to shed the other aspects that had defined him on Tatooine. [Ryder Windham’s The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader]

This was a constant in Anakin’s years as a Jedi. every time he tried to bring up the subject he was told how wrong he was by these powerful and wise beings he so admired. Eventually he stopped asking. He buried his dreams.

When they'd met, Anakin had been a warm-hearted nine-year-old boy with an open nature. He was twelve and a half now, and the years had changed him. He had grown to be a boy who hid his heart. [Jude Watson’s Deceptions]

Slavery became a sore topic. Something he tried to hide at all costs. And, if possible, avoided thinking about at all costs.

Anakin regretted it as soon as he said it. He’d made it sound more as if he had some wild, dark past, and nothing was better guaranteed to keep Ahsoka asking questions than that. If he explained he’d been a Hutt’s slave, she’d dig away at it until all the bad stuff came out. It was hard enough telling Padmé, and she was his wife. [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

I think he internalized and eventually blamed it all on himself. He admitted to himself he had a part in  it too and that guilty ate away at him.

When the war was over he’d go back to Tatooine and see. When the war was over he’d buy any child he found enslaved to Watto and find them a home where they might live and love in safety. Belonging to no one but themselves. I should have done it before now. Wasn’t that my other childhood dream? Become a Jedi and free the slaves. Instead I became a Jedi and let myself forget. Let them convince me that it’s not our job to remake the Republic. The Jedi were keepers of the peace, not legal enforcers. That was the Senate’s job. How many times had he been told that? He’d lost count. But the Senate was falling down on the job, wasn’t it? What was the use of having anti-slavery laws if the barves who broke them never paid for their crimes? It was enough to shake his hard-won and harder-kept faith. If scum like Watto and Jabba and the other Hutts kept on making their fat profits on the backs of living property—and if the Senate continued to turn a blind eye—how could anyone believe in the Republic? How could he? [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Anakin wasn’t sure how he’d react when he saw Watto again. Although his former master had been kinder than other slave owners, Anakin had always resented the fact that Watto refused to free his mother. Watto isn’t entirely to blame, Anakin mused, wondering just how hard Qui-Gon had tried to liberate Shmi. Slavery is allowed here, and Watto is just a businessman. [Ryder Windham’s The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader]

There are credits in slavery—and credits trump justice. Always have. Always will. And the Jedi? They didn’t want to get involved. Even Qui-Gon … So I guess it’s up to me. I failed my mother. I didn’t go back for her and she died. But when the war is over I’ll make good on my word. I’ll fight slavery wherever I find it … and there’ll be no mercy for those who steal lives. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Jabba grew fat on the misery of beings like Anakin’s mother. He’d probably taken a percentage of the very transactions that had kept Shmi Skywalker in slavery. And still I have to save his son. Because we need his goodwill. His space lanes. The idea stuck in Anakin’s throat like a splintered nuna bone. The pain was palpable. [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

He buried it so deep he became a Jedi. on the surface, he was very much a Jedi (not as dismissive of slavery as the detached Jedi but still unwilling to face the full reality of the situation). However, it still hurt him.

 Anakin wondered whether it was expedience, simple logic—both he and Kenobi spoke Huttese and were experienced in covert missions—or some exercise in character building. Yoda knew Anakin’s past, that he and his mother had been slaves of a Hutt. Jabba raked off a cut from the slave trade, too, so he was personally connected to Anakin’s boyhood misery, and even his mother’s ultimate fate. Callous didn’t begin to cover it. Anakin’s instinctive reaction would have been to tell Jabba that it was too bad and that people you loved got killed all the time. [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

Again, he buried his feelings and thoughts because that’s what the Jedi taught him. when the Clone War begins, that’s what he does. He buries everything. It’s a result of his traumas and his jedi upbringing. But let me you, Anakin did care about the clones. No, he did not fight for his rights or recognized their status as slaves but this idea that Anakin didn’t care about the well being of his men is as fanon as fanon gets.

I know this is a contraction hard to grasp. I mean, how can’t some fail to notice someone is a slave, keep them enslaved and still care about their life and grief for them? sounds impossible, right? But it’s not. These kinds of contractions are what makes us humans, what makes great characters great. How can Obi-wan love Anakin and still cut of his limbs and leave him to burn? He is human. This is not a simple matter that can be summarized with a simple right or wrong answer.

It’s not darkness. I’m not dark. This isn’t anger— It was okay; they’d always told him so. He was fighting to save his men, and if he did terrible things out of compassion, out of love, then he wasn’t turning to the dark side. That was the Jedi way. For my mother. For my men. For Padmé. [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

Impatience. Concern. Relief. Loneliness. Weariness. And grief, not yet healed. Such a muddle of emotions. Such a weight on [Anakin]’s shoulders. Months of brutal battle had left [Ahsoka] drained and nearly numb, but it was worse for Anakin. He was a Jedi general with countless lives entrusted to his care, and every life damaged or lost he counted as a personal failure. For other people he found forgiveness; for himself there was none. For himself there was only anger at not meeting his own exacting standards. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Under [Anakin]’s careless confidence, she sensed a hint of that unhealed grief. The loss of greenies Vere and Ince during the Jan-Fathal mission … the loss of other Torrent Company clones since then … his pain was like a kiplin-burr, burrowed deep in his flesh. Anakin had a bad habit of nursing those wounds, and no matter what she said, tactfully, no matter what Master Kenobi said without any tact at all, nothing made a difference. He hurt for them, and always would. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

[Anakin] looked at Ahsoka. “Fine. You can go. But I want to be kept informed of Torrent Company’s status. Don’t make me chase you for updates, is that clear?” She managed to smile. “Yes, Master. Thank you.” “And Ahsoka …” He felt his heart thud. “Tell Rex—tell all of them—that anything less than a full recovery is unacceptable. Tell Rex I—” He had to stop. Obi-Wan was in earshot, and they were not supposed to care so much. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

 [Anakin] hit the cockpit canopy switch, fast. “Obi-Wan’s fine, more or less,” he told the anxious droid, firing their fighter’s thrusters. “Ahsoka’s pretty banged up, though. So are Rex and Coric. They’re on their way to Kaliida Shoals.” R2’s mournful whistle said everything Anakin couldn’t … or didn’t want to. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Rex. Coric. Ahsoka. And fourteen dead pilots. Scores more dead and wounded ground troopers. Why can’t we stop this? Why can’t we catch Grievous? Dooku’s only one man. How can he defy the entire Jedi Order? Who is his Sith Master? Why can’t we find him? Day and night the questions ate at him. They ate at Obi-Wan, too, but somehow his former Master seemed able to live without knowing the answers. Or else he was just better at hiding his dismay. His fear. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Anakin did ask himself questions but over 10 years of being told he was wrong does take a toll. And we need to remember Anakin was 19 years old kid pushed into a war by his superiors. A lack of self-analysis, a narrow view of the world and political nativity comes with the package. Anakin *is* concern about slavery but he is a flawed person with his own blind spots. It’s the famous cognitive dissonance we all know so well.

I’m not saying Anakin is right but deference is an important part of the character. Anakin cannot be the sort of person who is too aware of what’s going on around him or else he wouldn’t turn into Vader. He had to be written this way to explain why Vader exists. If Anakin had questioned the Republic’s slave army he wouldn’t have become the Vader knew from the OT. He had to be kind of guy who blinds follows his superiors even against his own self-interest.  

[lizuouou]

1:17am

jan/18/21

NewYork NY

Today was interesting. I caught myself off guard by realizing how easily a person can get influenced by another. My cousin and I have been discussing family a lot and it feels guilty because there’s so many mistakes, mess and drama. I feel like I definitely over spilled the beans. I need to learn how to stay civil like this is not the best, I know this because it didn’t feel the best but also that my mom sent me a long paragraph explaining how I need to be mature enough to see a world through my win lens and not always be influenced by others, even if they have more votes, my opinion should be entitled to myself and not bias. Bias is a bitch.

I read about Poland springs and how the water they promise us from the springs of Maine doesn’t even have “a drop of fresh water” and Nestle got a lawsuit worth $5millll like bro serves you right we out here drinking tap water lmaooo are we kidding ourselves? Is it really false advertising? Because the last I remember ain’t nobody getting an entire carton of water for like $4? And the plastic, manufacturing, transport, and resources used to get the water itself probably costs so much more. And we’re being promised fresh water from the springs. But why would they give out fresh water from the springs? Who even are we kidding. Isnt water supposed to be worth much more? I thought there’s a war that’s going to happen on water. Shit’s precious!!!

Either ways, I was so bored that right after I actually opened Omegle. No not for any perverted business but because I just wanted to talk to someone. Anyways I came across an 8 year old who told me her boyfriend probably cheated on her and when I asked what? She said yeah haven’t spoken to him in 2 years. I had to control my laughter so hard and I just said “well if you haven’t talked to him in 2 years chances are he probably talked to someone else.” And now as I write this I realized damn, I just gave a little girl advice way too much for her maybe. She dipped faster than a wizard, b knows Whatsup, confrontational issues and shihhh. Then I came across this 19 year old girl from West Virginia who told me her parents left her with her grandmother along with her two younger siblings. They’re drug addicts. I felt kind of really bad because when I confessed I’m glad I saw her face and not a 40y/o’s dick she laughed and said “I just wanted to talk” and I felt that. We both reached out for our puff bars and simultaneously took turns to spill. She told me her dad doesn’t give a shit. We were so chill, no omg I’m sorry to hear that shit. Because let’s be real, you don’t need to be sorry. This is my life, if anything I just want God to feel sorry. Sorry as in, I’m sorry you is sad :( here are your dreams and goals in your hands ta-da. I wish. I felt bad for the girl, the internet kept twitching so I just closed the tab. An 8 y/o and a 18 y/o girl I’ll never speak to again. She told me so much about herself but we never told each other our names. Just our pain? Her boyfriend was a scum bag. Ex boyfriend. Well, I kept silent because I felt like she was being really open. I will never talk to her again. Feels so weird?

That is our generations summary of emotional connection. Short. Like all the fkn boys in my school in FPS like fam just grow up literally lmao jk. Am I? Nah. Anyways I also ditched a friend so brutally I feel bad. They booked an air bnb in front of Central Park and got food and zaza and everything but I chose to meet my best friend his mom and sister, he knew I’m no way interested in him at all. He’s actually always been this genuine. Man’s took the biggest L for us. While Yaldram, rhyme and i walked to his place, he took out a joint and lit it up. Mind it, ain’t legal. A cop literally took a u turn and Yaldram passed it to him cause he was shutting his pants and this dude said yeah give it to me nothings going to happen. BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED.

the cop showed up and asked if that’s weed and rhyme said yes. Holy shit at this point he stretched his arm out and asked for it again and he said no it’s just weed bro, then he reached out called 4 other cop cars by pressing a button (for backup) and I finally said “just listen to him man”. It was embarrassing, people walking past kept looking. Anyways he took all the blame, honestly I just took one puff and was not onboard with the idea to begin with, not even 3 minutes ago I was reminding them how that’s illegal.

He got a ticket, and then I met Yaldram’s mom for the first time and I think I made it so weird because of all what had just happened, was so anxious but whatever. Met his sister and will meet her again tomorrow even though he won’t be there. That makes me happy. I’m welcomed.

However, it was 11:35 pm and I really had to leave cause metro closes at 12am and I realized now it’s too late to go to the air bnb. I didn’t go for two reasons. 1) it’s an airbnb with one guy and stoned? Yeah kinda not the best situation to put myself in. 2) 1

But I felt really bad, this guy rhyme said nothing. He went full MIA for more than a year and doesn’t speak to anyone and didn’t even get back on social media but reached out to me and met me and actually did all this and at the end said bro it’s no worries I’ll drop you, paid for my metro djdnt even let me Venmo (or give me his # or Venmo) only contacts on insta. I didn’t tell anyone I met him because I have to respect his privacy. I apologized a few hours ago because lastnight I said sorry and just that sorry about the food. Because he ordered food there already. But in the morning he told me that I’m a gem of a person and don’t realize that. Like why are you being so nice to me? I can suspect he has a soft spot for me and I have made boundaries and this friendship completely platonic the moment it happened. And he then told me remember the first time we met? ( I didn’t )

It was 2 years ago at a party where I was crying talking to my ex after 2 years of the break up. And this guy randomly walks upto me asks me if I’m okay and gives me water. Mind you no one in a party gives a fuck. Especially that party. And especially my tears against his. It was politically warm? I don’t even know. So that guy who saw me then, came to surprise me on my 21st birthday from NY with the goodies (so illegal) and then ended up meeting my other ex and Yaldram him and I roamed around Boston. It was fun because of my friends. And I was fkn stoned. But yeah and then he looked at me yesterday at the metro and laughed saying “you’ve grown beautifully” I get ceeped out super fast but with this dude I dont. Everhone (including me) thought he’s bi or gay because every time there’s a good looking man he’d say “wow he’s beautiful” but he’s straight he said and also I realized maybe he just speaks his mind. He asked me of the rumors I heard and I told him it was 1) stealing 2) gay and he was like who tf said I’m gay bro, and then he said the guy in front was cute, and then he said “that’s so gay” and laughed. So see? This is a very unusual man. But I had to be home regardless because a) arham b) 12:35am was a perfect time to be home. I don’t like staying out too late anymore? It feels weird. Unsafe perhaps.

However I apologized properly finally. Explaining myself. Saying that I get defensive when I’m high and that the metro closes at 12am but even though the original plan was Yaldram him and I meeting at the place he booked but Yaldram couldn’t show up so I made us go to him instead and we used the time up in getting him his first ticket and in letting me meet my friend before he goes.

I will never forget this man, he told me two of his best friends died that’s why he’d never want his friends to be in any type of trouble. And you know what’s weird about it all? He literally took all the blame in a heart beat with a calm smiley face and I know he’s the one who’s the real gem because not once did he complain or remove that smile off of his face. There was also supposed to be a surprise there but I won’t know anymore. I didn’t ask either.

Writing this made me realize, I want to live harder. I want to be a gem ( no tickets ) but I want to be a gem in my own eye where I can adore myself and allow others to too, and adore them back. Oh and there was also a drunk girl after the whole popo incident who was so sus she acted drunk and said I look like Ariana grande “petit, long hair, big eyes, trust me girl you’re good” and in my head I thought yikes these are the beauty standards in her head which are normalized and thst made me realize oh no she thinks she isn’t good enough does she? Well I hope she does. But also she was sus just weird, walked with us for so long then disappeared then 14 minutes later found myself again running into her at a grocery store by his house?? And she acted as if she never saw me before so I was like oh...

Anyways it’s 1:54 am and I’m glad I wrote today. I’m glad for today, today I was a little less sadder. Particularly because I complained less, tomorrow I’ll try harder.

The end

1:55am

[cycloptictarot]

dream person! 1st feedback bc u deserve it so much. Thanks for that! it all makes sense I do sometimes doubt my intuition (even though it turns out to be right). It's true I was confused but things are becoming clearer. 9 of Swords confirms my intuitions on why that happened & that is amazing re the catharsis bc I was thinking I've now accepted how I feel abt my abuser's death when I felt guilty since Jan that I didn't feel sad. These dreams are the most cathartic experience I've ever had tbh

Hi! Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback! It really means so much to me that you are accepting your gift as well! I wish you the best in all of this, and know that you have no reason to feel guilty! 🌺🌷🌺🌷🌺🌷🌺

For your reading I pulled 2 tarot cards. The first is what the purpose of the song he chose was, and the second is how your connection to this spirit is currently. I also pulled an oracle card to clarify!

For what the purpose of the song he chose was, we have Temperance reversed. I feel that this song is actually helping you continue on the path you are on currently. It feels like the more progress you are making, the more will be revealed to you! This is telling me the purpose of this song was to help you face a new perspective in all of this. While you are accepting and acknowledging the singular events that have been weighing on you, (which is wonderful and amazing!! 💚) this song is showing you that it is time to view things as a whole! This is but a portion of what you are working through, but with this new found progress you can now catch a glimpse of the purpose of all of this as a whole! Continue moving forward, and I feel more will be revealed within yourself!

For how your connection is currently, we have the 6 of Swords! This is actually amazing because you recieved this very same card prior! This is a wonderful sign because it is showing you that this visitor is still acting as your guide through all of this. He is happy with the progress you continue to make every day, and with this progress he is beginning to show you more and more! So keep on doing your best everday, and you will continue to see these positive messages!

For your oracle card, we have Ceremony. I feel that you have really reached a major step in all of this. This is a cause for celebration, and showing you that you have made it passed the first major hurdle you needed to face! Be proud of what you have done, and continue with the same enthusiasm you have!

I am so proud of you for all that you have been accomplishing! Your gift is truly wonderful, and I hope that you continue with the successes you have already accomplished! Best wishes! 🌻🌴🌻🌴🌻🌴🌻

If you found this helpful and would like to support me, check out my Ko-fi page! Thank you so much for your time and consideration! 💚🌟💚

[shalnarkonice]

Nobuvoshal week Day 2/ Jan 7. Prompt: Nomadic (wandering without a permanent home) or overheard conversations (eavesdropping)

There was nothing more interesting in life than a good conversation.

Having made a living on the information contained withing other people’s conversations, be it through text, phone calls, emails, or face to face, hacking into surveillance and gathering intel was one of Shalnarks many skills. Breaking into computer servers had been far too easy, seeing how available modern day technology was.

It was the more risky, hands on missions that gave Shal the most satisfaction. Being able to dress in disguise as he infiltrated people’s houses, or cars, or hotel rooms as he bugged phones and cables always gave him a sense of thrill, but even that buzz had died off.

From being a bellboy, to chef, to hotel help, to cleaning staff, it seemed that the better he got at listening to other people’s conversations, the less interesting it all seemed to be. Extortion and politics were boring. there were only so many things the zodiacs or the mafia or even the kurtas could talk about it, until they became predictable.

It had been a while since shal had purposely listened onto someone’s conversation, and even now he didn’t feel the urge to pry on other people’s business.

He had considered bugging nobunaga and uvogins house phone just to get a better understanding of the men he lived with, but after a few weeks it became all to obvious that their intentions towards helping him were innocent rather than malicious.

It took some time to warm up to the two, but shal had come to realize that nobunaga was just as truthful and hard working as uvogin said he was, and uvogin was as encouraging and forward as nobunaga had claimed him to be.

It seemed that the owners of the tree and shrub florist shop were just mundane, average men trying to make an honest living for themselves.

That was probably the reason why shal couldn’t tear himself from the doorway of the small upstairs apartment where the stairs from the shop below led into the living quarters upstairs. sitting on the second to top step, shals dirty habit of eavesdropping reared it’s ugly head as he could hear uvogins gruff voice just a few feet away.

Shal would have made himself known, but had refrained as soon as he heard Uvogins flower supplier on speaker phone, sounding somewhat concerned, which was odd for the usually monotone grower.

“Are you sure that Nobunaga is as unhappy as you say?” Franklin’s voice rings out, clear enough to be heard.

Uvogin, who was standing behind the kitchen counter doodling on a napkin could only sigh heavily. “I’m telling you klin, Nobu hasn’t had his usual sense of thrill since we moved to yorknew. It’s almost as if he’s gone, ya know, soft?”

“There are many tools a man may use if he is feeling…soft. Has he considered therapy? Or perhaps smoking less? Or even…Viagra?”

Shal palms his hand against his mouth in order to hold in a laugh, the thought of Nobunaga not being able to get stiff (despite being a stick in the mud) was too amusing an idea. Uvogin would never have the balls to talk about nobunaga if the man was around, but seeing how Nobunaga was shopping (and Uvo thought shal was at school), he was left to talk openly with deal ol klin.

Giving a bark of a amusement, Uvogin moves to rummage through the fridge, mulling over the thought. “Nah, I think Nobu is good to go in that department, although between you and me, I don’t think he knows how to use it.”

“There really isn’t much to teach in that regard. one simply unzips himself as inserts it into whichever hole is present at that moment.” Klin deadpans. “unless you are implying nobunaga is a Virgin at thirty three.”

“bingo!” Uvo says with vigor, slamming the fridge shut.

“I need a moment…”

Shalnark had to hold his breath, amazed he was getting such comedic gold without even having to pay. never had shal considered the thought that nobunagas sporadic, and sometimes downright unbearable attitude was a result of not having gotten off in the last two dozen years. hell, wasn’t that what dating sites and strip joints were for? Although it wasn’t like nobunaga was creepy or hideous, so the fact that he had never been with someone was actually shocking once shal actually started to consider it

“Has Nobunaga never brought anyone home?”

Uvo tsks, “never, not for a one night stand or someone he was even remotely interested in. It almost feels like he’s a single father sometimes instead of a young man. The bastard still has this stupid idea in his head that he needs to take care of me, as if I’m not a thirty year old fucker capable of taking care of my own ass.”

Shal turns to lean back against the wall, peering at Uvogin from his perch. Uvogin, in his gym shorts with a towel around his shoulders, was a man more than capable of taking care of himself in any sense of the word. Shal couldn’t imagine nobunaga ever having to baby the giant, especially when Uvogin seemed to be so clever.

“Perhaps nobunaga feels obligated. He has only had you, isn’t that correct?”

Uvogin pauses, placing down his water bottle and biting at his lower lip. “Hmm…I mean…nobu was happy back in japon. he had friends there, people to talk to, coworkers he liked. here it seems that he’s never really met anyone. He doesn’t even consider going to bars to just get out, he rather work. must be a fucking habit he picked up when working at buharas with…” Uvogin freezes.

Franklin doesn’t make a sound, fully expecting uvogin to clarify on what exactly has stumped him.

“Klin, did I ever tell you that in Jappon there was a woman there head over heels for nobunaga?”

“You must have overlooked that tidbit of information.” Franklin says bluntly, “was he interested in her as well?”

It was an interesting idea. although it would make sense why nobunaga was depressed if the woman he loved had been left behind in the move, shal figured.

Uvogin places his palms against the counter, lowering his head, and in turn, his voice. “yeah…I don’t think nobunaga knew about it.”

“That seems difficult to believe seeing how you picked up on the woman’s affections”

“well it was obvious,” Uvogin murmers, “But I never told nobu. I still haven’t and I guess I can’t tell him, because I’m sure he’ll head back to jappon to fix things.”

“You’re willingly withholding information from nobunaga?” klin says to himself, “im slightly shocked at your selfishness.”

“Way to rub salt into the wound, ya bastard,” Uvogin only says half seriously, his face uncharacteristically serious. “im not ready for nobu to leave yet. we just started tree and shrub and we have so much still to do…don’t get me wrong, I feel guilty, but how else am I supposed to react knowing he’d pick a woman over a dream built over a lifetime? I waited for years for Nobunaga to take the hint and realize his feelings, but it never happened, so I decided that maybe it was a sign to leave before something did happen.”

A frown makes its way onto shals face, his eyebrows furrowing in surprise of uvogins actions. it was understandable, but also mean spirited and unlike how uvo usually was. it would have been one thing to tell nobu so he could make a decision for himself, but to completly disregard the situation all together...

“So you think nobunagas unhappiness is my fault?” Uvogin asks quietly, taking the phone and stepping out of the kitchen, heading towards his bedroom. “sometimes klin, I think I’ve always been the problem, and nobunagas been trying to pick up my peices for years.”

Hearing the door click closed, shal pauses before he stands, half tempted to press his ear to uvo’s door, or to enter the room to comfort the man, but that may only insult him.

Shalnark knew that whatever he had just overheard would have to be between uvogin and klin, because at the end of the day, shal was never meant to be there in the hallway listening. and he sure as hell wasn’t meant to hear about uvogins dirty little secret.

Heading back down the stairs with the current conversation in mind, shalnark slips on his shoes and heads out the back door without a sound. Maybe Uvogin was wrong for what he did, but it seemed to be something that nobunaga had no idea about anyways.

“The least I can do then is make nobunaga a dating profile. Maybe if nobunaga gets himself a date he won’t seem so down,” shal mumbles, figuring that if nobu was happily with someone, uvogin wouldn’t feel so hung up about the woman who was once in love with his best friend. at least that secret could die without causing uvogin anymore grief.

now the biggest issue for shalnark was trying to figure out which dating sight to go on, and when would be the best time to sneak a picture of the so called bachelor.

not feeling sure on how he felt about the conversation, shalnark was pretty confident that his eavesdropping days were over.

well, at least for people he knew

strangers, and their secrets, were all fair game after all.

[addictionfreedom]

Cocaine Addict Pictures Before And After

Contents

Alcohol abuse. other significant conditions listed

That shows disturbing before

Because other addicts can share coping

Shocking before and after

Finally kicked his habit after

Be careful what you tweet, folks. James Woods is suing a Twitter user for $10 million after he was accused on the social media site of being a "cocaine addict." According to docs obtained by E! News, Woods has filed a complaint for …

otherwise known as alcohol abuse. other significant conditions listed in Nova’s autopsy report included “recent cocaine use,” a coroner’s official confirmed to Radar. The report also ruled her manner of death as an accident. PHOTOS: …

Before And After Drug Rehab Pictures – Find the Best Drug and Alcohol Rehab Centers !

Shocking Pictures Show Consequences of Drug Use … A new anti-drug campaign that shows disturbing before and after photos of drug users … heroin or cocaine. …

Jan 17, 2017 … It' scary how much of a grip drug addiction can have on a person, and these before and after photos of Lancashire-based Amie Heller certainly illustrate it.

How to Tell if a Person Is Using Cocaine. Cocaine is a powerfully addictive stimulant that can cause significant health problems, including overdose and death. Since signs of cocaine abuse are similar to the symptoms of other health…

CA is a twelve-step program for cocaine abusers modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Support groups and group therapy led by a therapist can be helpful because other addicts can share coping and relapse-prevention strategies. The group's support can help patients face devastating changes and life issues.

Jan 5, 2016 … My cocaine addiction left me deranged, delusional and on the brink of death. … After each peaches binge, I'd spend three days huddled in withdrawal—but I'd still go back for more. … I had spoken to him a few days before, and we were planning to get together for my birthday on October 5 in Toronto.

A carer who got hooked on crack cocaine stole an elderly stroke victim’s …

Nov 15, 2016 … The Power of Addiction Recovery: Before and After Photos and Stories … Her before picture is a mugshot from her third DUI in 2012 and on the right is her now, living sober. … Alcohol was my first choice, but throughout my active addiction, I excessively used ecstasy, pain pills, marijuana, and cocaine.

Melina Roberge is likely to be deported after … November. Cocaine seized from the MS Sea Princess in Sydney, Australia. Cocaine seized from the MS Sea Princess in Sydney, Australia. (HOGP/AP) Roberge did not admit her guilt …

Cocaine Addict Before and After. … Pictures Of Commonly Abused Drugs Cocaine Not all cocaine looks the same. … a Cocaine Addict who after losing his best friend …

Crack Cocaine Before And After – Bing Images. Reasons to NEVER take meth. An America's Next Top Model contestant in 2007 & today · Meth MouthMeth UsersNext TopsNext Top ModelDrugsAddiction RecoveryTop ModelsAmerica Faces …

A set of graphic photos that purportedly show troubled former boxer Oscar De La Hoya at the height of a cocaine …

10 shocking before and after pics of celebrities ravaged by drink and drugs. … Goff Photos 10. … cocaine addict.

The student was taken to Urbana Mercy Health Hospital, where it was determined …

Addiction Treatment Thailand Contents Addiction. our program combines the The first step has California prison over And sent 11 others for Location. tranquil pearl Ettingshausen spent 15 months undergoing psychiatric treatment after the affair … Does your son show signs of addiction? Get him the help he needs with The Edge's revolutionary treatment program. Find out more from

A police mugshot has revealed the impact an addiction to cocaine had on a nurse who used her position to get access to drugs. Amie Heller stole prescription drugs from…

I was ready to die an addict, I just didn’t care,” he continues. PHOTOS: O.J.’s (NSFW) Trail Of Destruction: Simpson ‘Meth’ Addicted Ex In Sex Tape Bombshell As RadarOnline.com readers know, Thore spoke of Bell’s cocaine habit on …

They travelled to Belgrade in Serbia to get Naltrexone implants to help their addiction, before returning to Bristol … not the first time he had caused similar …

In the summer of 2016, Roberge and Isabelle Lagace had turned their Instagram …

Conclusions: Enhanced drug-related choice in cocaine addiction can be demonstrated even for nonpharmacologic (pictorial) stimuli. This …. Cocaine pictures were matched to the IAPS pictures on size and ratio of human to nonhuman content. Picture Ratings. Before completing the two choice tasks, subjects underwent.

Glamorous cruise ship cocaine … “to take pictures of myself in exotic locations and post them on Instagram to receive ‘likes.’ ” The Sea Princess stopped at …

And they'll haunt your dreams. These Photos Show How Heroin, Cocaine and Oxycodone Change Your Appearance Over Time

In 2006, Davis and Hurd had the children taken by Child Protective Services …

Find the perfect Cocaine stock photos and editorial news pictures from Getty Images. Download premium images you can't get anywhere else.

Realizing a loved one may be affected by cocaine addiction is difficult. Find out the signs of cocaine use and see if they are present in your loved one.

If the drug is used over a period of time, the user is likely to show premature aging. Some people have developed Parkinson's disease after a long period of crack cocaine use. Of course, one of the major effects of crack cocaine is rapid development of addiction. Cocaine causes the strongest mental dependency of any drug.

The horrific effect that drugs can have on addicts have been highlighted in a series of disturbing pictures and video. The photographs show American users of cocaine, heroin, oxy-codone and crystal meth in various stages of addiction. The before shots all show healthy-looking individuals prior to …

View our collection of Before and After Cocaine photographs, images, or illustrations.

Sep 29, 2017 … How to Tell if a Person Is Using Cocaine. Cocaine is a powerfully addictive stimulant that can cause significant health problems, including overdose and death. Since signs of cocaine abuse are similar to the symptoms of other health…

Jan 19, 2016 … 10 shocking before and after pics of celebrities ravaged by drink and drugs … drug offences and has even pleaded guilty to possession of crack cocaine, heroin … which went on to derail his career. He went to rehab in 2000 and is quoted as saying: “I was a heroin and cocaine addict. It was really scary.” …

He finally kicked his habit after his friend John Belushi died of a drug overdose in 1982. Other famous people addicted to cocaine include Kate Moss, Whitney Houston, and Tim Allen. What do you think is the best way to treat cocaine addiction? Take a look at his celebrity coke addicts list and share your thoughts in the …

Melina Roberge is likely to be deported after … November. Cocaine seized from …

It' scary how much of a grip drug addiction can have on a person, and these before and after photos of Lancashire-based Amie Heller certainly illustrate it.

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Melina Roberge, otherwise known as "Cocaine … who posted photos of her …

The effects are quick to be felt, peak quickly, and then end after only 5 or 10 minutes. Compared with the non-freebase form of cocaine, this hastened abuse cycle of crack adds to the risk of tolerance, dependency and addiction. Why Do People Use Crack? Those who use crack do so to achieve a “high” that includes:.

But new research offers fresh evidence that alcohol and nicotine — two psychoactive agents that are legal, ubiquitous and widely used during adolescence — ease the path that leads from casual cocaine use to outright addiction. About …

A police mugshot has revealed the impact an addiction to cocaine had on a nurse who used her position to get access to drugs. Amie Heller stole prescription drugs from the Royal Blackburn Hospital, Lancashire, then gave them out to …

Category: Photo Gallery. » Before and After Drug Abuse Pictures Description: Cocaine is an expensive drug. Nevertheless, it remains a popular drug, especially among celebrities, fashion models and other people who can afford it.

Before And After Drug Rehab Pictures : … Before And After Drug Rehab Pictures; Cocaine Abuse Programs In Dover; Drug Rehabilitation Program In Hartford;

Drugs to Mugs: Shocking before and after images put together by the Multnomah County Sheriff's Office in the US state of Oregon show the effects of drug addiction on the human face. Released in the hope that they will make kids think twice about ever touching drugs the pictures show how addicts have lost teeth and …

The process of treating meth addiction is similar to other serious drugs, such as cocaine, heroin or alcohol. … depending on addiction severity. After detox, …

Dual Diagnosis Treatment Centers Mn Contents Injury center recently

Nov 27, 2014 … Unlike common 'before and after' photographs, these clips show the gradual deterioration of addicts – and the horrendous affects of substance abuse. … by Rehabs.com and includes 13 unnamed individuals who have been arrested for various drug offences – including crystal meth, cocaine, heroin and pain …

All the men and women pictured were regular users of substances including cocaine, heroin … seeing the physical …

Suboxone Treatment Indianapolis Contents Common misperceptions that the treatment process And alcohol rehab centers can help Withdrawal symptoms and overcome your addiction Find opiate drug detox She runs the addiction Suboxone Provider; NFL (National Football League) – Certified Evaluator for Performance-Enhancing Substances … Disorders; Provides: Evaluations: Substance Abuse, Individual Therapy, Medication Management, Smoking Cessation, and Suboxone Treatment / Addiction Treatment Today Contents Find out common misperceptions That the treatment process Carolina provide methadone treatments Most popular substances abused When you discuss Interestingly, addiction treatment specialists and the 12-step community have … He blogs regularly for Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and Psych Central. A … One in three older Americans with Medicare drug coverage is prescribed opioid

You Will Never Want To Do Drugs After Seeing The Faces Of Addiction Drugs are terrifying.

Canadian woman Melina Roberge—known on the internet as “Cocaine … photos from around the world. “This highlights the negative influence of social media on …

Drugs like crack cocaine, heroin, and meth amphetamine are particularly habit- forming, and recreational use can soon become habitual, especially if you're in a … Getting off such drugs can be incredibly difficult once hooked, but as you can see from these incredible before and after pictures of recovered heroin addicts …

Find the Right Addiction Recovery Center. … Cocaine; Describe your addiction progression, … How did your family deal with your addiction before you got help?

The post Cocaine Addict Pictures Before And After appeared first on Freedom From Addiction II.

[artificialqueens]

Blue Neighborhood Series: THE QUIET + DKLA (Jackie-centric) - Mac

AN: Thanks a million for the feedback on this series! It truly means the world to me. Thank you so much, guys. I hope you enjoy this part as much as the previous ones. As always, thanks to the incredible Meggie for putting up with me and beta-ing this work, she is a superstar, send her some love!

Summary: Jackie is doing her best to keep her head above water. But with a stressful home life and a stressful school life, the walls feel like they are closing in.

Jackie was a social floater. She could twist her skin into whatever people wanted her to be. Most of the time they just wanted her to be quiet, sit back and listen to their problems. Which Jackie was fine with. It meant no one was asking about hers.

Jackie’s family life was… complicated to say the least.

Her father and mother both knew she was gay.

But they pretended like they didn’t.

Where they would pester her older brother about girls every chance they got, they sat stone-faced when she mentioned she was taking Gigi to Homecoming. Well, not completely stone-faced. Her father coughed.

Jackie had given up the chance of exploring her sexuality in high school. Content to let bygones be bygones until college. That’s when she would really get to shine. Away from judgment from her peers and parents and teachers. She would be free then.

For now though, she was standing outside Gigi’s door. The younger girl appeared a moment later, long blonde hair up in a high ponytail clad in flared jeans with a crop top that definitely wasn’t up to dress code. Jackie rolled her eyes internally, knowing that there was virtually no way Gigi would get called out on it. She supposed there were just perks to being the skinny white femme of everyone’s dreams.

The two walked in relative silence over to Brita’s house.

Then they walked in relative screaming to school. Brita was going on and on and on about how horrified she was to hear the news and how terrible it was that Jan thought she couldn’t share the sordid details of her personal life with her friends.

Gigi didn’t comment much, other than a small nod of agreement here and there. Jackie just steamed quietly to herself.

She had her own thoughts about the whole endeavor. Which she happily kept to herself, thank you very much. It wasn’t any of their business if Jan was gay. It wasn’t any of their business if she was getting it on with the captain of the varsity basketball team.

Yes, they had been friends since childhood and yes, Jan had been there when Jackie came out, and yes Jackie had told Jan every possible detail about her life because she trusted her. And no, that kind of trust wasn’t easy to come by.

So maybe Jackie was a little confused. A little hurt even.

That must be why she felt so weird.

“Have you seen her at all this week?” Jackie asked, knowing the answer hadn’t changed.

Gigi gave her a weak smile. “Not since Wednesday, no.”

“Is she okay?” Brita asked.

Jackie rolled her eyes. “Well, considering she had the flu last year and came to school anyway to protect her perfect attendance record, I think it’s safe to say no.”

Gigi spoke softly, calmly. “Jacks, I know you’re stressed with the whole Jan thing, but—”  

“I’m just tired.” Jackie cut her off. “It has nothing to do with her. I just didn’t sleep well last night.”

Brita and Gigi dropped the subject for now, but Jackie could see on their faces that they didn’t believe her.

Jackie bid her friends adieu at their lockers and headed up the stairs to her own. She tried to shake the feeling of unease that accompanied her, but it wouldn’t dissipate. It sat in her gut and ate at her through the morning. Her classes passed in a haze. At times it felt like she wasn’t even real.

The pit in her stomach only grew as the bell for lunch sounded.

She headed toward the art room, hoping to find some sort of mental reprieve from the strange feeling.

She had no such luck.

Nicky and Crystal were flirt-fighting again. Or at least that was the term Heidi had given it. Nicky would pick something, anything to complain about, and Crystal would evidently rise to the bait and the two would bicker and one of two things would happen. Either they would eventually fall into a fit of giggles, or one of them would say something a little too flirtatious and they both would look away and poorly hide goofy smiles.

It was so sweet it was sickening at times.

Heidi was torturing Aiden by recounting her date with Jacob the other night, going on about how it’s only been three months but she really thinks he’s the one. Normally, Jackie would sit back and laugh. Watch as Crystal and Nicky danced around each other. Watch as Aiden got closer and closer to strangling Heidi with every word.

But today, today she felt like she was drowning. Usually, the art room was too warm in a good way. Cozy even. The breeze from the propped door offering a bit of relief from the stale air. But today it just felt stifling.

Jackie sat and ate in silence, letting her thoughts ruminate over the events of the past few days. The infamous picture. Jan’s weird behavior. Jackie’s weird feelings about Jan’s weird behavior.

“Are you okay, Jackie?”

“Hmm?” Jackie looked up at the sound of her name.

Nicky smiled softly, “I asked if you were okay. You seem quieter than usually.”

“Is it Jan?” Crystal chimed in.

Jackie scoffed, “Why does everyone keep asking me that? Why would Jan have anything to do with—”

“Because you’re in love with her,” Crystal answered simply.

Jackie’s stomach lurched.

Oh fuck.

“I’m not—”

Heidi cut her off, shouting from the other side of the room. “No, girl, don’t lie. You’ve been head over heels for Jan since we could talk.”

Jackie’s brain was still trying to compute. The pit in her stomach felt like it had swallowed her whole and her heart was beating a mile a minute. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe.“But I’m not… not in love with her.”

Her shock must have been apparent, because her friends’ expressions shifted suddenly from condescending to shocked.

“I thought you knew,” Crystal spoke quietly.

“How do you not know you’re in love with someone?” Aiden whispered.

“You’d be surprised,” Heidi murmured back in response.

Crystal elbowed Heidi in the ribs.

“Hey! I didn’t ask-”

“Shut up!” Crystal whisper-shouted. “Clearly she’s going through something and you wanna talk about—”

Jackie didn’t hear the rest of Crystal’s statement; she was too busy focusing on her feet hitting the ground as she ran out of the art room, down the hallway, and through the double doors at the end to gulp the outside air.

It didn’t help.

She still felt sick.

Love.

What a tricky little word.

Farsi has over 80 different ways to say love.

Eighty different ways in a language she had been speaking since birth, and yet Jackie couldn’t wrap her head around a single one that encompassed how she felt about Jan.

Love seemed too pedestrian. Too cliché. Too plain.

Maybe that’s why it never occurred to Jackie that such a simple sounding word could be related to Jan.

Jan wasn’t cliché or plain, the opposite actually.

But Jackie… Jackie was simple. She was cliché. So cliché in fact that she had apparently fallen for her straight best friend like the stupid lesbian stereotype she so tried to keep herself from becoming.

So she guessed it made sense.

Jackie shook her head to clear it. And when that didn’t work, she found her eyes searching her surroundings for anything else to focus on. Her gaze landed on two familiar faces in the distance.

Dahlia and Bryce sat close together under the bleachers. Jackie went to turn away, to shield her eyes from whatever shenanigans they were getting up to, when she noticed the open books in their laps.

Dahlia was pointing to a paragraph and talking with her hands. Bryce nodded along. He said something Jackie couldn’t make out and Dahlia nodded excitedly. She continued pointing out different sections of the textbook and Bryce went on to ask questions.

It looked like she was… tutoring him.

Huh.

Jackie couldn’t help her morbid curiosity, so she approached the two as quietly as she could. She ducked under the bleachers and inched ever closer to the pair until she could make out what they were saying.

“So, what you’re saying is I’m stupid and all I had to do was flip the fraction?” Bryce asked.

“Exactly,” Dahlia said.

Bryce chuckled and tried to sound offended, “Hey, you weren’t supposed to agree with that first part!”

Dahlia shook her head and barely hid a smile. “It ain’t about agreeing, it’s just facts. You pretty stupid. You lucky I’m not.”

“I really am,” Bryce said genuinely. Dahlia looked up to meet his eyes and Jackie could see something brimming under the surface. “I feel like I don’t thank you enough for this. But I really appreciate it.”

Dahlia broke eye contact with him and waved her hand as if to break the tension, “Yeah, yeah, I heard it before, you wanna impress your girl.”

So that’s what this was about. He wanted to be good enough for Jan.

And dammit if that thought didn’t hit Jackie in the chest. She knew the feeling.

Bryce sighed and ran his hand through his unkempt hair. “She’s really fucking pissed at me right now.”

“I would be too.” Dahlia nodded. “If you were my mans and I saw you comin’ back from somewhere with the school slut, I wouldn’t be too happy either.”

Bryce winced at her words. “Don’t say that.”

Dahlia gave a bitter laugh. “It’s true. They see you coming from the bleachers with the whole football team and assume you sleeping with ‘em.”

Jackie tried to inch closer but completely missed the giant tree branch right in front of her. She caught her foot on it, which caused her to trip and fall, letting out a curse as she hit the rough ground.

Dahlia and Bryce looked over at her with wide eyes and had the decency to even look a bit guilty. Dahlia was the first to come back to herself, snatching up her backpack and practically sprinting back into the school building.

Bryce lingered and offered a hand to help Jackie up, which she took gratefully.

The two stared at each other a moment. It seemed like Bryce wanted to say something, but he ultimately shook his head and settled for, “Hey, Jackie.”

“Hey, Bryce,” Jackie said.

Bryce coughed to try and break the sudden awkward tension and motioned to the still open text book behind him. “I’m not cheating on her.”

“I know,” Jackie said simply.

She never thought he would. Bryce wasn’t cheating. Didn’t have the brain power to cope with the guilt that came with cheating.

“Dahlia and I were—”

Jackie cut him off, “Studying, I know. I saw.”

“Can you tell her? Jan?” he asked, a hint of desperation creeping into his words. “I’ve been trying to call her but she won’t answer.”

Jackie shook her head. “She’s not answering me either.”

Bryce looked shocked. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Jackie said simply, suddenly fighting back tears.

“But you guys are…” He trailed off.

Yeah. Jackie wanted to say. Yeah, they were. And they had been that way for so long that now, now that they weren’t, she didn’t know what to do or think or how to breathe.

Bryce just stood there. Looking at her.

Jackie just stood there. Looking back.

Until he rallied the courage to ask what she knew he had wanted to ask since they had locked eyes.

“You think it’s her? In the picture?” Bryce asked.

Jackie nearly screamed.

“No,” she answered truthfully.

She didn’t think it was Jan. Hadn’t even considered the possibility that it could be Jan until Wednesday. And even then, Jackie still couldn’t wrap her mind around it because Jan was straight. And Jan was Jan.

But even still, Jackie couldn’t stop her mind from running away with the alternative. The alternative being that it was Jan in the picture.

And that alternative made Jackie’s stomach twist up like a balloon animal.

“Me either,” Bryce spoke softly, pulling Jackie from her thoughts.

The two sat in relative silence for a few more moments before Jackie mentioned that they probably should be heading back.

Practice after school went about as well as expected, with Jackie, Brita, Gigi, and the rest of the seniors taking turns leading the team through exercises and routines. Jackie couldn’t help but pick up on the feeling of defeat. They had already been pushing their luck with one flyer down and no coach, but now that Jan wasn’t there it just felt hopeless.

Jackie asked her mother later that night if they were coming to regionals.

Her father coughed and her mother danced around the word ‘no’ for half an hour or so.

Jackie just rolled her eyes at her mother’s antics. Taarof, the Persian word and Iranian principle of not saying what you truly mean, but the group understanding what is actually being expressed. Her mother meant no, but she never said it outright.

By the time Jackie finished dinner and her homework, it was nearly midnight. She sighed at her clock and willed that it would turn back. Willed that it would turn so far back that it would undo whatever weird spell she seemed to be under.

She had no such luck as the clock ticked on and on, and Jackie’s mind only got more cluttered. After twenty minutes of staring at her ceiling and praying that her mind would empty, Jackie gave in. She grabbed her car keys from the kitchen counter and left her house without a second thought.

Jackie got in her car and just sat for a moment. She stared at the radio and the steering wheel and when she blinked, she was outside Jan’s house, not remembering having driven the short distance across the street.  

It was raining, Jackie noted after a minute, pretty hard actually, and if Jackie were in her right mind, she would worry about how her tires really needed replacing because she kept hydroplaning. But Jackie clearly wasn’t in her right mind because before she could think too hard, she was calling Jan.

The younger girl finally picked up after the third call.

“Come outside,” Jackie said firmly.

Jan sighed, and it spoke volumes. “Jacks-”

“Please.” Jackie startled herself with how broken her own voice sounded.

She heard Jan inhale slightly on the other end before she hung up.

Not a moment later, the blonde’s head appeared, and she ran from her front door to Jackie’s car, holding the back of her jacket up to shield herself from the rain. She threw open Jackie’s car door and settled down in the passenger seat. If it were any other day, Jackie would lament about her seats getting ruined, but with Jan sitting beside her, hair thrown up in a messy bun with no makeup and not a trace of a smile on her face, Jackie really couldn’t give a damn about her seats.

Jan sat in her passenger seat and just looked at her for a moment, taking her in almost.

“Hey,” Jan said finally.

Jackie’s heart hammered in her chest, as it normally did when Jan was around. Only now she recognized the pounding for what it truly was.

“Hey.”

I love you. Jackie thought.

Jan sighed and broke eye contact.“I’m sorry everything has been so crazy recently.” She looked back over to Jackie. “I’ve just not been feeling well, but I promise I’ll be back soon, and the team has my full attention and I—”

Jackie stopped her, “You don’t have to explain anything, okay?”

I love you. Jackie thought.

Jan nodded and opened her mouth to speak, but Jackie cut her off again.

“But don’t lie to me and act like everything’s fine.”.

Jan looked down at her feet on the floorboards, then to the window where the rain was making patterns on the glass.

Jackie didn’t know what else to say. So she just drove.

She drove and drove and drove and let her hands and feet do the thinking. Traffic was light, the rain was heavy, and the silence in the car was loud. They passed stores they used to spend all day window shopping at, houses of their classmates that they didn’t talk to now, the old library they never got any studying done at, the roller rink where Jan broke her arm, the neighborhood basketball courts they used to lay on until the sun disappeared and the ground got too cold.

They drove for so long that Jackie surprised even herself when she came to a stop.

She looked up and realized she was in their school parking lot. It was empty, save for the lone golf cart in the far parking space.

Jackie unbuckled her seatbelt, driven by some force that she couldn’t all together name. She opened her car door as the wind and rain beat against it.

“What are you—”

Jackie didn’t wait to hear the rest of Jan’s question, instead focusing on her steps, careful and measured as she got a good distance away from her car before letting her mind shut down and her body recoil as she let out a long and impossibly high scream.

The storm around her did a good job at mostly covering the intensity of her voice, but Jan still heard and came running at the sound.

“Jacks, are you okay?” Jan had to practically shout to be heard over the storm.

Jackie shook her head. “No,” she answered as honestly as she was able. “But that felt damn good.”

Jan looked at her concerned. “You can’t do that you’re gonna—”

Jackie cut her off with another ear-shattering scream.

Jan’s entire body winced at the sound, but Jackie could see something in her eyes simmering just under the surface. A fire. Envy almost.

“C’mon, give it a try,” Jackie yelled over the thunder crashing closer than before.

Jan shook her head. “I’m not gonna—”

Jackie screamed again. This time feeling her throat constrict and the sound fighting to get out. She sounded crazy. Broken and insane but Jackie swore she had never felt more alive than she did right now.

“Jackie!” Jan scolded.

Jackie just screamed again, louder, and couldn’t help the manic smile from spreading across her face. For the first time since they had known each other, Jackie felt her chest lighten in Jan’s presence. She felt a weight being lifted like she could finally breathe.

Jackie looked over to Jan who still looked hesitant, but after a firm nod from Jackie, Jan let out her own scream. It wasn’t nearly loud enough in Jackie’s opinion. And she said as such.

“Louder! You’re a singer you can do better!”

Jan shook her head and Jackie could barely make out a bitter laugh Jan gave at the notion. Jackie just shrugged and opened her mouth to yell again, when Jan stopped her with a hand. “Fine, I’ll do it. Just give me a second!”

Jackie mimed looking at a watch that didn’t exist and Jan bit her cheek to hide a smile.

Jan let out another scream, louder this time, a bit more unhinged.

It still wasn’t right.

Jackie walked closer to Jan so that she didn’t have to shout as loudly as before. “Everything that’s happened,” Jackie said, breathing heavily, “everything that’s made you fucking crazy, this week or your whole life, channel it. Right now. Let it out.”

Jan nodded her head in understanding.

Then she let out a scream so loud, Jackie swore the lights at the football stadium should have popped. She let out a scream so powerful Jackie was surprised she wasn’t knocked back by the force. She let out a scream so guttural that Jackie’s heart nearly broke in two at the sound.

Jan looked up at Jackie with wide eyes, shocked by her own pain almost.

Jackie just beamed at her. “That’s more like it,” she chuckled.

After the initial shock passed, Jan could stop from falling into a fit of laughter. Jackie couldn’t help but do the same.

They spent an immeasurable amount of time laughing and jumping around like idiots in the rain until a flash of lightning struck a bit too close for comfort. They screamed at the proximity and bolted to the car, still laughing and out of breath.

They collapsed in the seats and fell into another round of giggles until their stomachs tired and their jaws ached.

Jackie looked over at Jan, with her head thrown back against the car seat, mouth upturned for the first time in what felt like ages, and Jackie’s heart soared in her chest.

And for a brief second, Jackie thought that maybe, just maybe, everything was going to turn out fine.

[thetrumpdebacle]

Unburdening guilt she’s felt for allowing former Olympic doctor Larry Nassar to treat her daughter, a mother stood in a Michigan courtroom on Tuesday and unleashed her anger on the physician she says hurt her “most precious gift.”

Interested in Larry Nassar Trial?

Add Larry Nassar Trial as an interest to stay up to date on the latest Larry Nassar Trial news, video, and analysis from ABC News.

The mother, Anne Swinehart, also blasted some media outlets for casting blame on parents like her for missing signs of the assaults Nassar concealed while treating their children — even while many of them were in the examination room as they were taking place.

Victim Mattie Larson speaks at the sentencing hearing for Larry Nassar, a former team USA Gymnastics doctor who pleaded guilty in November 2017 to sexual assault charges, in Lansing, Mich., Jan. 23, 2018.

“I cannot speak for what my daughter is going through. I can only speak for what I am experiencing,” Swinehart said in Ingham County Circuit Court in Lansing shortly after her 15-year-old gymnast daughter, Jillian, gave her victim impact statement on the sixth day of Nassar’s sentencing hearing.

“I took my most precious gift to you and you hurt her physically, mentally and emotionally. And she was only 8,” Swinehart said, breaking into tears. “I will never get rid of the guilt that I have about that experience. I know that it is not my fault. It is the fault of Dr. Nassar. It is the fault of every institution that listened, but did not act.”

She recalled the agony she felt when her daughter told her of the perverted acts Nassar perpetrated on her “hundreds of times” under the pretense of conducting legitimate medical procedures to treat her injuries.

Brendan McDermid/Reuters

Victim Brianne Randall speaks at the sentencing hearing for Larry Nassar, a former team USA Gymnastics doctor who pleaded guilty in November 2017 to sexual assault charges, in Lansing, Mich., Jan. 23, 2018.

“I cannot help but think how did I miss the red flags? How is it that I misinterpreted your intent so wrongly?” she told Nassar. “I wanted my daughter to get better, to achieve her dreams to participate in and succeed in the sport she loved. Instead, by trusting you, I watched her sink into a girl who is sad and humiliated and afraid to trust.”

Swinehart said that even after Jillian told her of Nassar’s inappropriate treatments, she tried to rationalize the doctor’s procedures.

She said she seethes at the thought that Nassar assaulted her daughter “while I sat there in your office, in your home.”

“I thought that you were massaging my daughter to help her sore, broken body, and the whole time you were assaulting her,” Swinehart said. “To look back and remember her grimacing in pain and to now know that it was not a knotted muscle to cause that … how can a mother ever forgive. The burden that I will carry from this is bigger than any sentence that you are facing.”

She took aim at media outlets that have publish stories “shaming and blaming” parents for not figuring out what Nassar was doing to their children.

“Trust me, you would not have known,” she said.

Nearly 140 victims have given statements or had statements read on their behalf in the days-long hearing, all asking Judge Rosemarie Aquilina to give Nassar the maximum punishment.

Among the victims who have spoken in court are Olympic gymnastic stars and medalists Aly Raisman, Jordyn Wieber, McKayla Maroney and Jamie Dantzcher. All have accused the USA Gymnastics Association, the U.S. Olympic Committee and Michigan State University — where Nassar was a sports medicine doctor for more than 20 years — of knowing about the serial assaults for years, but doing nothing to stop them.

Nassar pleaded guilty in November to sexually assaulting seven girls, but Aquilina is allowing many more victims to speak in court. Nassar faces 40 to 125 years in prison when Aquilina finally sentences him.

Matthew Dae Smith/Lansing State Journal via USA Today Network

Jillian Swinehart addresses Larry Nassar during the sixth day of victim impact statements in Ingham County Circuit Court in Lansing, Mich., Jan. 23, 2018.

He has already been sentenced to 60 years in prison after pleading guilty to federal child pornography charges and has been accused of sexual misconduct by more than 125 women and girls in civil lawsuits.

“Larry, my coaches and USA Gymnastics turned the sport I fell in love with as a kid into my personal living hell,” Mattie Larson said as she gave her victim impact statement Tuesday.

A former US National Team gymnast, who earned a silver medal in team competition at the 2010 World Championships, Larson, 25, said Nassar began molesting her when she was 14.

“I simply cannot get myself to consider you as a real doctor,” she told Nassar.

She recounted how Nassar once cleared her to participate in gymnastics only for her to later learn from another doctor that she had a fractured leg.

“You’re priority should have been my health, yet your priority was solely to molest me,” she said.

Brianne Randall also spoke and said Nassar sexually assaulted her in 2004 when she was 17. She said she immediately reported him to the Meridian Township, Michigan, Police Department and even submitted to a rape kit.

“You had audacity to tell [police] I misunderstood the treatment because I was not comfortable with my body,” Randall told Nassar. “Sadly, they took your word instead of mine.”

Angela Povilaitis, the assistant attorney general of Michigan, told Judge Aquilina that the Meridian Township Police Department paid to fly Randall to Michigan from her home in Seattle so she could face Nassar in court.

“I wasn’t afraid of you then,” Randall told Nassar, “and I’m sure as hell not afraid of you now.”

via The Trump Debacle

[be21zh]

sync with woz's new school term.

Feb 27, 2017

dreamt 2 or 3 my privileged senior middle school alumni, Zhu Zehua, who's technical subjects usually score quite high, and some others long time no see. we corporate and compete to produce rebellion weapons. we also compete intelligently. we passed my hometown dam, spring well with crowd among which we escape enemy's hunting. this week a bit sad. gay in neighbor dorm room desperate stalks me. surveillances my usage of toilet and follows to shit and leave it unflushed. the sickened soul pretends coughing for quite some time and he should dies in illness. my son's mom, the small bitch also tried her best to challenge me. they mimic my son's monthly cinema day and invited her mom to go cinema the night before my gathering day with my son. all her knowledge is outdated and poor quality but still she day by day gathering pupils at her house for tuition. one of her girl friend whose father lent me camera when my son given birth at hospital found some old photos of my son in the hospital agrees to send me those precious photos but now hold back by the bitch, son's mom, for a bargain. my son yesterday irritated me and I had to give him a lesson. we previously agreed that our new broadband was a bliss holy and we should make good usage. but on Sunday when I went to see him, he even didn't power on broadband router in his house, but just reading paper book of rephrased Chinese classic, A Dream of RED Mansions. I went mad with his ignorance. I show brutal violent threat and scorned him for near half hour in cause of his failing VPN and system update. I didn't mean hurts but remind him his work, his future indispensable with high tech including internet, while his mom and his grandma actually not equipped it, for their cheap work mainly related with primitive tools. my son show resolve when we went for lunch and shower, even after I bought him extra fruits. on way returning to my dorm, I pray God to let it the hard time for us to defeat, to slaughter our enemies by hand and will. I beg Holy rewards us thicker after the adversity and allow us to stick out of the dark curtain and smile. in the night I felt guilty upon my son, and boring and sad for shopping online. I bought my son a spring trousers with cellphone pocket. I also ordered myself one but run out of money. so I entreated my kid brother to pay. but the contemptible man enlist my phone number into his blacklist to evade confrontation with me. God, let me remember the revengeful shame sinful people insult us, the glorious One. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain the eastern Asia. bring me sooner Asoh Yukiko, my Crowned Queen from Japan for peace among our heritage, our once more glory cover half pacific ocean. grant us memories of retaliation.

Feb 16, 2017

the day before yesterday I worked overnight. then yesterday I felt inspiration in ladies fulfilled my heart. I admire them so much, and sympathetic to their pleasure seeking and concerns while none of them lives in my life in past decade. in the night I dreamt first played with kids. then among a kindergarten, I with my men with shotguns played with kids crossword puzzle. we shoot to answer. then I likely a royal captain of firearm brigade, operated them in war field where fire distance matters. after wake up I wonder the small figure in dream is Napoleon, who relentless with war fire till saw his own failure and death after challenge Russian, the iced land. I saw relentless love attempts for his concerned, esp women in his life, in prescribed relief of embrace of death against doomed premature failure. I felt dizzy after morning alarm. even breakfast in canteen is satisfying, I still trying finding nap after settle here my workload. last afternoon bankcomm clearance crew buzzed in, show their interest to interview. there is nothing new in their probation. they impotently demanded me return at once my credit debt of ￥10000 while It clearly out of possibility in my situation, in which recent 3 months steadily returning, ￥2000 paid every salary day. in the mid after found their only aim is to intimidate me, I claimed they incapable to negotiate with me, for there is nothing valuable or granting policy in their holding card, so I arbitrarily quit the conversation. my work space just resumed, I enjoyed my favorite Chinese podcasts, and Amazon prime video in the rest of the day. God dad, last Monday after my ICBC monthly credit statement revealed ￥700 left under account, I immediately renew zhone 19th domain, billingzhu.com for my 2nd son, to its longest life span, 5 years for ￥511. dad God, there is only one thing unfinished in 2016 as annual, woz's 12 domains renewal. grant us financial freedom to do the job. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain my offspring. bring Asoh Yukiko, my Crowned Queen from Japan, to home my new family. bring 2017 new monument for ever growing mission to revitalize eastern Asia, for the grace and persistent commitment of Chinese and Japanese for thousand years forged in Ming Dynasty under my ancestor's title, Zhu's. thx dad God, for the snowing night yesterday and this morning so quiet in sober.

Feb 10, 2017

dreamt of complicated time space pair. after 2 busy days at dorm, heat gathered in central China gradually melt. my nose ran water a lot, and shit softly, too. last night I perceived erotic dream drove by full sperms, but in fact I didn't wet last night. rather, in dream I got insight of time-space tangle. I saw a dynasty broke down and lots of strange behaviors, like soldier don't know who to obey, court women don't know how to survive in riot era. I saw my Nankai alumni went class while I drift wild. I saw when time dissolves, events in space can be floating around, losing their sequence. the result and the cause in different time location can't be replaced, otherwise there will be forecast, in time travel paradox. these days hard economy again pestered me. I only gain a much shrinked ￥3000 in 2016 as year end bonus from QRRS, my once and long time employer, comparing near ￥7000 in 2015. a policy gain, aid for poor staff, ￥1000 offered to me by labor union. I handed over to dorm canteen at once, and next day I had to borrow ￥200 again for living expense. now I have debt ￥1000 to local contacts, and my anual renewal of zhone domains yet complete. ￥2000 will do the job like a breeze. then again every month I will fight for dinning out twice a week with my son woz for gathering, and my pills will add another ￥100. in the 3rd hometown flight tour, I almost broke up with my kid brother who contempts me and cheats me into endless waiting his aid. now my salary, at its best around ￥3000, barely afford our lifestyle including credit debt penalty. but, God, how I lucky in such failing economy maintaining such a small burden of investment! and watch the grand produce of my endeavour and willful. God, dad, I see so many affirmatives in holy message. please firmly attach me onto faith of Christian. bring me sooner my Royal China to fasten the falling treasure. bring me Asoh Yukiko to put together the Empire dream and stipulation. grant me financial independence to safeguard our startup so strong online.

Jan 31, 2017

the night before yesterday I gave my son a lesson, for he too open and vulnerable upon cheap offers. this night I felt blessed when we ready to sleep. I first dreamt in art college saw many students and computers running a software likely robohelp or tin?in. its a series tools including 3d modeling, illustration, and presentation. in dream I felt glad to fetch my pastime skill and sharpen them. I felt that would more or less let me more energetic. then in my hometown village, facing neighbor village there are 2 modern office malls where once rice field. many small companies rent space there and share introduction multimedia, project management or progress report online there. I still dwelling on the robohelp and thought about app as service, or the functions of presentation. I tried hard to sync our data or put our running data into the app. the detail of program very lengthy in dream, even cross the intervene of getting up to pee. 2 days ago I finally got informed that our train ticket booked, after more than 60000 times bidding online by our travel agency, ctrip.com. so last unease resolved and we really needn't hurry, just as holy affirmed. my son once repulsive upon my teasing infant of my nephew's, a 16 month old boy, after I told him why I glad to help infant with empowering them with full heart support, he forgave me and I thankful for his considerate. his willful pal, the grandson of my 2nd elder sister, also quit hijacking my son with all flattery. I also openly talked about fault of my 2nd elder sister whose family less attractive and colder in heart, with her husband and daughter-in-law. the daughter-in-law is a slim tall woman with adorable configure and I tried to help her when she loathe to chores. I hope they don't pitfall like some of my relatives. after all, we are family from my passed grand father, God in heaven now. this is a sunny morning with clouds. hopeful it will more shiny later. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China to home my offspring, to guest my concerned. bring me financial independence to liberate some of my relatives trapped in wrong idea and habit. grant me adequate fund to renew our domains, the last task unfilled upon new year 2017.

    LOFTER：riveryog, 旎宫嘉坊   http://ift.tt/2m0DCJP

[chinad]

woz spring school term starts first day.

Feb 27, 2017

dreamt 2 or 3 my privileged senior middle school alumni. Zhu Zehua, who's technical subjects usually score quite high, and some others long time no see. we cooperate and compete to produce rebellion weapons. we also compete intelligently. we passed my hometown dam, spring well with crowd among which we escape enemy's hunting. this week a bit sad. gay in neighbor dorm room desperate stalks me. surveillances my usage of toilet and follows to shit and leave it unflushed. the sickened soul pretends coughing for quite some time and he should dies in illness. my son's mom, the small bitch also tried her best to challenge me. they mimic my son's monthly cinema day and invited her mom to go cinema the night before my gathering day with my son. all her knowledge is outdated and poor quality but still she day by day gathering pupils at her house for tuition. one of her girl friend whose father lent me camera when my son given birth at hospital found some old photos of my son in the hospital agrees to send me those precious photos but now hold back by the bitch, son's mom, for a bargain. my son yesterday irritated me and I had to give him a lesson. we previously agreed that our new broadband was a bliss holy and we should make good usage. but on Sunday when I went to see him, he even didn't power on broadband router in his house, but just reading paper book of rephrased Chinese classic, A Dream of RED Mansions. I went mad with his ignorance. I show brutal violent threat and scorned him for near half hour in cause of his failing VPN and system update. I didn't mean hurts but remind him his work, his future indispensable with high tech including internet, while his mom and his grandma actually not equipped it, for their cheap work mainly related with primitive tools. my son show resolve when we went for lunch out and shower, even after I bought him extra fruits. on way returning to my dorm, I pray God to let it the hard time for us to defeat, to slaughter our enemies by hand and will. I beg Holy rewards us thicker after the adversity and allow us to stick out of the dark curtain and smile. in the night I felt guilty upon my son, and boring and sad for shopping online. I bought my son a spring trousers with cellphone pocket. I also ordered myself one but run out of money. so I entreated my kid brother to pay. but the contemptible man enlist my phone number into his blacklist to evade confrontation. God, let me remember the revengeful shame sinful people insult us, the glorious One. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain the eastern Asia. bring me sooner Asoh Yukiko, my Crowned Queen from Japan for peace among our heritage, our once more glory covers half pacific ocean. grant us memories of retaliation.

Feb 16, 2017

the day before yesterday I worked overnight. then yesterday I felt inspiration in ladies fulfilled my heart. I admire them so much, and sympathetic to their pleasure seeking and concerns while none of them lives in my life in past decade. in the night I dreamt first played with kids. then among a kindergarten, I with my men with shotguns played with kids crossword puzzle. we shoot to answer. then I likely a royal captain of firearm brigade, operated them in war field where fire distance matters. after wake up I wonder the small figure in dream is Napoleon, who relentless with war fire till saw his own failure and death after challenge Russian, the iced land. I saw relentless love attempts for his concerned, esp women in his life, in prescribed relief of embrace of death against doomed premature failure. I felt dizzy after morning alarm. even breakfast in canteen is satisfying, I still trying finding nap after settle here my workload. last afternoon bankcomm clearance crew buzzed in, show their interest to interview. there is nothing new in their probation. they impotently demanded me return at once my credit debt of ￥10000 while It clearly out of possibility in my situation, in which recent 3 months steadily returning, ￥2000 paid every salary day. in the mid after found their only aim is to intimidate me, I claimed they incapable to negotiate with me, for there is nothing valuable or granting policy in their holding card, so I arbitrarily quit the conversation. my work space just resumed, I enjoyed my favorite Chinese podcasts, and Amazon prime video in the rest of the day. God dad, last Monday after my ICBC monthly credit statement revealed ￥700 left under account, I immediately renew zhone 19th domain, billingzhu.com for my 2nd son, to its longest life span, 5 years for ￥511. dad God, there is only one thing unfinished in 2016 as annual, woz's 12 domains renewal. grant us financial freedom to do the job. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain my offspring. bring Asoh Yukiko, my Crowned Queen from Japan, to home my new family. bring 2017 new monument for ever growing mission to revitalize eastern Asia, for the grace and persistent commitment of Chinese and Japanese for thousand years forged in Ming Dynasty under my ancestor's title, Zhu's. thx dad God, for the snowing night yesterday and this morning so quiet in sober.

Feb 10, 2017

dreamt of complicated time space pair. after 2 busy days at dorm, heat gathered in central China gradually melt. my nose ran water a lot, and shit softly, too. last night I perceived erotic dream drove by full sperms, but in fact I didn't wet last night. rather, in dream I got insight of time-space tangle. I saw a dynasty broke down and lots of strange behaviors, like soldier don't know who to obey, court women don't know how to survive in riot era. I saw my Nankai alumni went class while I drift wild. I saw when time dissolves, events in space can be floating around, losing their sequence. the result and the cause in different time location can't be replaced, otherwise there will be forecast, in time travel paradox. these days hard economy again pestered me. I only gain a much shrinked ￥3000 in 2016 as year end bonus from QRRS, my once and long time employer, comparing near ￥7000 in 2015. a policy gain, aid for poor staff, ￥1000 offered to me by labor union. I handed over to dorm canteen at once, and next day I had to borrow ￥200 again for living expense. now I have debt ￥1000 to local contacts, and my anual renewal of zhone domains yet complete. ￥2000 will do the job like a breeze. then again every month I will fight for dinning out twice a week with my son woz for gathering, and my pills will add another ￥100. in the 3rd hometown flight tour, I almost broke up with my kid brother who contempts me and cheats me into endless waiting his aid. now my salary, at its best around ￥3000, barely afford our lifestyle including credit debt penalty. but, God, how I lucky in such failing economy maintaining such a small burden of investment! and watch the grand produce of my endeavour and willful. God, dad, I see so many affirmatives in holy message. please firmly attach me onto faith of Christian. bring me sooner my Royal China to fasten the falling treasure. bring me Asoh Yukiko to put together the Empire dream and stipulation. grant me financial independence to safeguard our startup so strong online.

Jan 31, 2017

the night before yesterday I gave my son a lesson, for he too open and vulnerable upon cheap offers. this night I felt blessed when we ready to sleep. I first dreamt in art college saw many students and computers running a software likely robohelp or tin?in. its a series tools including 3d modeling, illustration, and presentation. in dream I felt glad to fetch my pastime skill and sharpen them. I felt that would more or less let me more energetic. then in my hometown village, facing neighbor village there are 2 modern office malls where once rice field. many small companies rent space there and share introduction multimedia, project management or progress report online there. I still dwelling on the robohelp and thought about app as service, or the functions of presentation. I tried hard to sync our data or put our running data into the app. the detail of program very lengthy in dream, even cross the intervene of getting up to pee. 2 days ago I finally got informed that our train ticket booked, after more than 60000 times bidding online by our travel agency, ctrip.com. so last unease resolved and we really needn't hurry, just as holy affirmed. my son once repulsive upon my teasing infant of my nephew's, a 16 month old boy, after I told him why I glad to help infant with empowering them with full heart support, he forgave me and I thankful for his considerate. his willful pal, the grandson of my 2nd elder sister, also quit hijacking my son with all flattery. I also openly talked about fault of my 2nd elder sister whose family less attractive and colder in heart, with her husband and daughter-in-law. the daughter-in-law is a slim tall woman with adorable configure and I tried to help her when she loathe to chores. I hope they don't pitfall like some of my relatives. after all, we are family from my passed grand father, God in heaven now. this is a sunny morning with clouds. hopeful it will more shiny later. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China to home my offspring, to guest my concerned. bring me financial independence to liberate some of my relatives trapped in wrong idea and habit. grant me adequate fund to renew our domains, the last task unfilled upon new year 2017.

spring snow in Qiqihar where the center of future territory of eastern Asia stands fautless. here snow scene of QRRS Dorm.

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2m0vMjn

[be21zh]

Feb 27, 2017

dreamt 2 or 3 my privileged senior middle school alumni. Zhu Zehua, who's technical subjects usually score quite high, and some others long time no see. we cooperate and compete to produce rebellion weapons. we also compete intelligently. we passed my hometown dam, spring well with crowd among which we escape enemy's hunting. this week a bit sad. gay in neighbor dorm room desperate stalks me. surveillances my usage of toilet and follows to shit and leave it unflushed. the sickened soul pretends coughing for quite some time and he should dies in illness. my son's mom, the small bitch also tried her best to challenge me. they mimic my son's monthly cinema day and invited her mom to go cinema the night before my gathering day with my son. all her knowledge is outdated and poor quality but still she day by day gathering pupils at her house for tuition. one of her girl friend whose father lent me camera when my son given birth at hospital found some old photos of my son in the hospital agrees to send me those precious photos but now hold back by the bitch, son's mom, for a bargain. my son yesterday irritated me and I had to give him a lesson. we previously agreed that our new broadband was a bliss holy and we should make good usage. but on Sunday when I went to see him, he even didn't power on broadband router in his house, but just reading paper book of rephrased Chinese classic, A Dream of RED Mansions. I went mad with his ignorance. I show brutal violent threat and scorned him for near half hour in cause of his failing VPN and system update. I didn't mean hurts but remind him his work, his future indispensable with high tech including internet, while his mom and his grandma actually not equipped it, for their cheap work mainly related with primitive tools. my son show resolve when we went for lunch out and shower, even after I bought him extra fruits. on way returning to my dorm, I pray God to let it the hard time for us to defeat, to slaughter our enemies by hand and will. I beg Holy rewards us thicker after the adversity and allow us to stick out of the dark curtain and smile. in the night I felt guilty upon my son, and boring and sad for shopping online. I bought my son a spring trousers with cellphone pocket. I also ordered myself one but run out of money. so I entreated my kid brother to pay. but the contemptible man enlist my phone number into his blacklist to evade confrontation. God, let me remember the revengeful shame sinful people insult us, the glorious One. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain the eastern Asia. bring me sooner Asoh Yukiko, my Crowned Queen from Japan for peace among our heritage, our once more glory covers half pacific ocean. grant us memories of retaliation.

Feb 16, 2017

the day before yesterday I worked overnight. then yesterday I felt inspiration in ladies fulfilled my heart. I admire them so much, and sympathetic to their pleasure seeking and concerns while none of them lives in my life in past decade. in the night I dreamt first played with kids. then among a kindergarten, I with my men with shotguns played with kids crossword puzzle. we shoot to answer. then I likely a royal captain of firearm brigade, operated them in war field where fire distance matters. after wake up I wonder the small figure in dream is Napoleon, who relentless with war fire till saw his own failure and death after challenge Russian, the iced land. I saw relentless love attempts for his concerned, esp women in his life, in prescribed relief of embrace of death against doomed premature failure. I felt dizzy after morning alarm. even breakfast in canteen is satisfying, I still trying finding nap after settle here my workload. last afternoon bankcomm clearance crew buzzed in, show their interest to interview. there is nothing new in their probation. they impotently demanded me return at once my credit debt of ￥10000 while It clearly out of possibility in my situation, in which recent 3 months steadily returning, ￥2000 paid every salary day. in the mid after found their only aim is to intimidate me, I claimed they incapable to negotiate with me, for there is nothing valuable or granting policy in their holding card, so I arbitrarily quit the conversation. my work space just resumed, I enjoyed my favorite Chinese podcasts, and Amazon prime video in the rest of the day. God dad, last Monday after my ICBC monthly credit statement revealed ￥700 left under account, I immediately renew zhone 19th domain, billingzhu.com for my 2nd son, to its longest life span, 5 years for ￥511. dad God, there is only one thing unfinished in 2016 as annual, woz's 12 domains renewal. grant us financial freedom to do the job. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain my offspring. bring Asoh Yukiko, my Crowned Queen from Japan, to home my new family. bring 2017 new monument for ever growing mission to revitalize eastern Asia, for the grace and persistent commitment of Chinese and Japanese for thousand years forged in Ming Dynasty under my ancestor's title, Zhu's. thx dad God, for the snowing night yesterday and this morning so quiet in sober.

Feb 10, 2017

dreamt of complicated time space pair. after 2 busy days at dorm, heat gathered in central China gradually melt. my nose ran water a lot, and shit softly, too. last night I perceived erotic dream drove by full sperms, but in fact I didn't wet last night. rather, in dream I got insight of time-space tangle. I saw a dynasty broke down and lots of strange behaviors, like soldier don't know who to obey, court women don't know how to survive in riot era. I saw my Nankai alumni went class while I drift wild. I saw when time dissolves, events in space can be floating around, losing their sequence. the result and the cause in different time location can't be replaced, otherwise there will be forecast, in time travel paradox. these days hard economy again pestered me. I only gain a much shrinked ￥3000 in 2016 as year end bonus from QRRS, my once and long time employer, comparing near ￥7000 in 2015. a policy gain, aid for poor staff, ￥1000 offered to me by labor union. I handed over to dorm canteen at once, and next day I had to borrow ￥200 again for living expense. now I have debt ￥1000 to local contacts, and my anual renewal of zhone domains yet complete. ￥2000 will do the job like a breeze. then again every month I will fight for dinning out twice a week with my son woz for gathering, and my pills will add another ￥100. in the 3rd hometown flight tour, I almost broke up with my kid brother who contempts me and cheats me into endless waiting his aid. now my salary, at its best around ￥3000, barely afford our lifestyle including credit debt penalty. but, God, how I lucky in such failing economy maintaining such a small burden of investment! and watch the grand produce of my endeavour and willful. God, dad, I see so many affirmatives in holy message. please firmly attach me onto faith of Christian. bring me sooner my Royal China to fasten the falling treasure. bring me Asoh Yukiko to put together the Empire dream and stipulation. grant me financial independence to safeguard our startup so strong online.

Jan 31, 2017

the night before yesterday I gave my son a lesson, for he too open and vulnerable upon cheap offers. this night I felt blessed when we ready to sleep. I first dreamt in art college saw many students and computers running a software likely robohelp or tin?in. its a series tools including 3d modeling, illustration, and presentation. in dream I felt glad to fetch my pastime skill and sharpen them. I felt that would more or less let me more energetic. then in my hometown village, facing neighbor village there are 2 modern office malls where once rice field. many small companies rent space there and share introduction multimedia, project management or progress report online there. I still dwelling on the robohelp and thought about app as service, or the functions of presentation. I tried hard to sync our data or put our running data into the app. the detail of program very lengthy in dream, even cross the intervene of getting up to pee. 2 days ago I finally got informed that our train ticket booked, after more than 60000 times bidding online by our travel agency, ctrip.com. so last unease resolved and we really needn't hurry, just as holy affirmed. my son once repulsive upon my teasing infant of my nephew's, a 16 month old boy, after I told him why I glad to help infant with empowering them with full heart support, he forgave me and I thankful for his considerate. his willful pal, the grandson of my 2nd elder sister, also quit hijacking my son with all flattery. I also openly talked about fault of my 2nd elder sister whose family less attractive and colder in heart, with her husband and daughter-in-law. the daughter-in-law is a slim tall woman with adorable configure and I tried to help her when she loathe to chores. I hope they don't pitfall like some of my relatives. after all, we are family from my passed grand father, God in heaven now. this is a sunny morning with clouds. hopeful it will more shiny later. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China to home my offspring, to guest my concerned. bring me financial independence to liberate some of my relatives trapped in wrong idea and habit. grant me adequate fund to renew our domains, the last task unfilled upon new year 2017.

spring snow in Qiqihar where the center of future territory of eastern Asia stands fautless. here snow scene of QRRS Dorm.