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missjanjie · 4 years ago

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Santa Ana Winded | Gottrosé

Title: Santa Ana Winded Summary: Rosé is visiting Los Angeles just as the infamous Santa Ana Winds are kicking into high gear. On paper, that's fine, but staying with Mik certainly isn't going to make handling the potential effects of the 'devil winds' any easier. Word Count: 1823 Relationship(s): Gottrosé (Rosé/Gottmik) Rating: E

and thank you to @nickysjaida for beta-ing! ♥

read on ao3 | ko-fi

“Where are you staying, again?” Jan asked as he helped Rosé finish packing.

Rosé smiled as he propped the suitcase against the wall. “I’m staying with Mik. You know, he lives in that fancy house with all those influencers, and he was so insistent with that cute, little LA vocal fry, it’s impossible to say no to.”

Jan arched his brow – he knew his friend and he knew that smile. “You better watch yourself, sis,” he warned. “Especially going this time of year, that’s when the Santa Ana winds start hitting hard.”

“Why is that relevant?”

“They call them the Devil Winds,” he explained. “It’s known to cause weird dreams, usually about your deepest desires and fears. It also triggered the shit out of my allergies, but that’s not the point. It might cause you to act a little impulsive, is all I’m saying.”

Rosé’s brows rose in curiosity. “The fuck were you dreaming about at summer camp, huh?”

Jan blushed and cleared his throat. “It doesn’t matter because unlike during season twelve, I wouldn’t have had the chance to even consider acting on it, and I was having normal dreams on the plane home,” he said flatly. “You, however, are going in a lot more vulnerable to those devil winds,” he teased.

He scoffed. “Fuck off, I don’t even have allergies. And I think I’ll be able to control myself… you know, as long as I don’t drink,” he murmured. He was well aware that Jan and the whole internet knew what happened when he and Mik were left alone with alcohol.

“That’s a tall order for you, babe. Good luck.”

------

By the time Rosé landed in LAX, he had stopped thinking about Jan’s warnings about the wind. Jan was known to be dramatic, after all. He was sure his friend was just getting him riled up for no reason, or using it to justify whatever sex dreams he’d had about a certain other NYC queen, not that he was going to name names, but he could’ve.

It didn’t take long before he spotted Mik, but he’d only taken a few steps in his direction before the other queen came barrelling towards him at full speed, launching himself into Rosé’s open arms.

“Hi, baby,” Rosé greeted with a fond laugh, picking Mik up and spinning him around quickly, then carefully setting him back down. “I missed you.”

“I missed you so much, gorge,” Mik grinned as they made their way out of the airport. “This is gonna be so much fun. We should go live, the fans always go nuts for that,” he suggested. Once they stepped outside, he winced. “Fuck, it’s still windy as hell.”

Rosé nodded, “ah, the infamous Santa Ana Winds,” he observed as he loaded his luggage into the trunk of Mik’s car. “Jan gave me a whole warning about them. Do they actually fuck with your head and all of that?”

“I guess it, like, depends on your mental state or whatever. Last year we had to talk Gigi out of buying a plane ticket to Missouri, she was feeling it real heavy, like, she was either going to pull some teen romance stunt with Crystal or murder her boyfriend,” he explained with a casual flippancy as they made the drive back to his house. “Why, you worried the devil winds are gonna come for you?”

He clicked his tongue and shook his head, gaze avoidant. “No, just wanna be prepared for whatever chaos I’m walking into, you know? Knowing you, I could be walking in on an orgy or a crime scene.”

“I don’t see the problem here, gorge,” Mik retorted flippantly as he pulled up in front of the house.

Rosé laughed softly as he got out and grabbed his things. “Of course you don’t,” he retorted with a dry laugh as he followed him inside.

------

As it turned out, Rosé’s resolve not to drink was weak. He wouldn’t claim that he gave in to the peer pressure of a group of young twenty-somethings, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t allow himself to give in so his mind and body would shut up.

But he had fun, Mik was a good time and the group of them knew how to party without being over the top. Nothing happened between him and Mik throughout the night beyond some too-close, sloppy, dancing, so he went to bed that night considering it a success.

It wasn’t long before Rosé fell asleep, the powerful gusts of wind serving to soothe him. The way the palm trees creaked and rattled from the relentless devil winds turned into little more than white noise. The dream that followed, however, played out what he had prevented in reality.

The dream wasn’t coherent and linear, but the content was clear – he was in bed with Mik, both of them naked. Their hands and mouths were all over each other, moans spilling from their lips. It felt real, too real.

When he jolted awake, Rosé swore he could still feel Mik’s fingers lingering on his skin. His face and chest were bright red and his breathing was heavy. He looked under the covers and groaned at the tent that was pitched in his boxers.

Before Rosé could address the situation at hand, he heard the bedroom door creak open and he quickly repositioned himself on his side to cover his erection. “Mik?” he squinted his eyes as he tried to see through the darkness, adjusting enough to make out the familiar frame.

“Oh, perf, you’re awake.” Mik’s voice normally had such a casual nonchalance about it, but when he spoke this time, there seemed to be a mix of both strain and relief. “Look, I know this is gonna sound fucking lame as shit, but I had a, um…” he shook his head, just getting the words out was impossible with the strength of his pride.

“A dream, perchance?” Rosé chuckled softly and ran a hand through his hair, “because that would make two of us.”

The tension left Mik’s body and a spark of confidence took its place. “So, you feel it too,” it was somewhere between a question and an observation, but he didn’t wait for Rosé to clarify. He crawled onto the bed and straddled his lap, his eyes instantly going wide. “It really was the same dream, huh?” he smirked.

Rosé couldn’t even be embarrassed when he met Mik’s eyes, the lust he saw in them erasing any emotion beyond unbridled desire. Logic and reason were gone with the wind and the next thing he knew, his hands were on Mik’s face and he was pulling him into a kiss. It was deep and heated, their tongues swirled together and their hands tangled in each other’s hair.

Very few words were spoken – if they talked, they might start overthinking and psyche themselves out. They were already in too deep, there was no turning back now. It was too fast, fervent, clothes were being tossed aside in every direction. The only time they came up for air was when Mik reached into the end table drawer to grab lube and a condom.

They switched positions, Rosé rolling on top of Mik. He took the bottle of lube and slicked up two fingers, working in one, then another. His eyes were trained on Mik’s face, watching for any expression that he should stop. Instead, he watched his face contort in pleasure and listened to the moans that spilled from his lips.

Mik took the condom that was still on the bed and tore it open with his teeth, then rolled it down Rosé’s length. “This is your last chance to back out,” he warned, though there was a clear, unspoken ‘please don’t’.

“I’m not,” Rosé assured. He had already gotten to this point and god, he was aching to see it through. He carefully eased into him, one hand guiding his length while the other steadied himself by holding onto Mik’s waist. He let out a grunt as he bottomed out, then slowly picked up a steady thrusting pace.

“Fuck…” Mik exhaled in a breathy moan. His hips bucked up, picking up the rhythm of Rosé’s thrusts and writhing in tandem. He didn’t realize just how deeply and intensely his lust for him ran until it culminated in that moment. His fingers dug into the flesh of his shoulder blades, blunt nails still leaving indentations.

Even during sex, little was said between them beyond whispers of praise or dirty talk. Their moans and whines were loud and passionate, culminating sharply when they rode out their orgasms in tandem.

Rosé had to catch his breath before he pulled out, rolling the condom off his length and throwing it away. He laid back down and stared up at the ceiling, heavy breathing and wind blowing the only noises remaining.

Mik shifted over to Rosé, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on his chest. “I know what you’re thinking,” he murmured. “Just… don’t say it.”

And Mik was right, so he didn’t.

------

“You’re looking pretty guilty,” Jan observed as he sat with Rosé during the uber ride back from the airport. “I don’t suppose this has anything to do with a certain LA-based season thirteen drag queen?”

“Nope, I didn’t even see Symone.”

Jan crossed his arms and arched his brow. “Come on, Rosie…”

Rosé groaned, getting out of the car and grabbing his luggage from the trunk. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he insisted before they walked up and took the elevator into his apartment. It wasn’t until they were alone in his bedroom that he sighed and confessed, “I had sex with Mik.”

Even though Jan suspected as much, hearing his friend make that confession still caught him by surprise. “Oh shit,” he gasped softly. “What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t fucking know!” he ran his hand through his hair as he paced back and forth across his bedroom. “How am I supposed to explain that I ignored the very clear instruction of ‘do not hook up with Mik’? I know being stupid is part of my brand, but this is crossing a line that I don’t know if I can bounce back from if I even deserve it.”

Jan stopped Rosé by grabbing onto his shoulders. “Listen to me, whatever happens, however it turns out, I’m gonna be here for you,” he promised. “I’ve gotta head out now, but I will drop everything in an instant if you need me, okay?” and after they exchanged goodbyes, he was on his way.

Rosé rubbed his face and stared at himself in the mirror. He shook his head, then his heart dropped to his stomach when he heard the front door rattling, then opening. “I’ll be right there, baby!” he called out, then refocused his gaze at his reflection. “You ruined everything, you stupid bitch.”

#gottrose #rpdr rpf

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

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Santa Ana Winded (Gottrosé) - Joley

Summary: Rosé is visiting Los Angeles just as the infamous Santa Ana Winds are kicking into high gear. On paper, that’s fine, but staying with Mik certainly isn’t going to make handling the potential effects of the ‘devil winds’ any easier.

ao3 link

“Where are you staying, again?” Jan asked as he helped Rosé finish packing.

“Why is that relevant?”

Rosé’s brows rose in curiosity. “The fuck were you dreaming about at summer camp, huh?”

“That’s a tall order for you, babe. Good luck.”

——

“Hi, baby,” Rosé greeted with a fond laugh, picking Mik up and spinning him around quickly, then carefully setting him back down. “I missed you.”

“I don’t see the problem here, gorge,” Mik retorted flippantly as he pulled up in front of the house.

Rosé laughed softly as he got out and grabbed his things. “Of course you don’t,” he retorted with a dry laugh as he followed him inside.

——

“A dream, perchance?” Rosé chuckled softly and ran a hand through his hair, “because that would make two of us.”

Even during sex, little was said between them beyond whispers of praise or dirty talk. Their moans and whines were loud and passionate, culminating sharply when they rode out their orgasms in tandem.

Mik shifted over to Rosé, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on his chest. “I know what you’re thinking,” he murmured. “Just… don’t say it.”

And Mik was right, so he didn’t.

——

“Nope, I didn’t even see Symone.”

Jan crossed his arms and arched his brow. “Come on, Rosie…”

Even though Jan suspected as much, hearing his friend make that confession still caught him by surprise. “Oh shit,” he gasped softly. “What are you gonna do?”

#rpdr fanfiction #rosé #gottmik #gottmik x rosé #canon compliant #smut #s13 #joley

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bard-llama · 4 years ago

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WiP List

This is gonna be looooong (like, REALLY long), so I’mma go ahead and give you a cut here. But if you’re interested in what i’m working on, take a look!

Order purely based on the order my tabs are in. I’m only counting WiPs that actually have more than a paragraph written, because if I didn’t, this list would be even longer. Also, pls don’t judge me but what I name my WiPs 😂

Post-Coital Smoke

Kinda what it sounds like tbh. I just wanted Iorveth getting high and admiring Roche’s body and then Roche decided to be a tease. At some point, I assume there will be sex.

Angst: Sex object Roche

Iorveth’s POV of realizing that Roche hurts himself whenever he flirts at Iorveth. Premise is that Roche has been groomed (intentionally or not) by Foltest to be his. So when he feels attraction towards Iorveth, he needs to be punished. And obviously Iorveth helps him learn that no, that’s not okay and idk recovery???

Midwinter Feast

This idea was 100% spawned by me trying to write holiday fics, but Foltest hosts a Midwinter Feast where they close the city for 12 days, leaving Roche to get along with the Nonhuman/Scoia’tael(ish) delegation during that time. Also, Foltest might be using the feast as a delaying tactic to resupply his army. I legit have no idea where this is going, I just thought the idea of Roche and Iorveth stuck at a feast for 12 days was funny.

Solstice Feast aka To Birth a Verdant Future

This was actually an xmas gift for @lutes-and-dandelions, but I havent finished it yet 😓 But the premise is similar to the former in that it’s another solstice feast. But it’s set post-W3 with Emhyr as Emperor throwing a party in the new conquered capital of Vizima. Roche broods a lot about Foltest’s memory and how he hates Emhyr and decides to distract himself by hanging out with Iorveth and suggesting they follow an old elven tradition. And that’s all I’ll say. XD

Next Year (Solstice Feast sequel)

Literally set the next year. This time they merge their lives by merging their people’s traditions.

Lily Preserved in Amber

Okay, haven’t gotten very far in this, but I decided it was an elven rite of passage to go searching through the forest for a sign of your future. And Iorveth finds a piece of amber with a lily preserved inside. I haven’t decided if it purely means Roche or if it means his whole family with Roche and Boussy and Anais and all. So far, he hasn’t even found the amber yet lmao. But he did just discover music!

Character taking control of the other and Character B just letting go and enjoying themselves

Under the subheading “Porn Snips”, so uh, yeah. Starts with Roche and Iorveth fighting to decide who gets to top, involves Roche getting choked, and Iorveth ripping Roche’s pants off. Oh, also, they’re currently at a fancy party hiding somewhere in the garden lmao

Based on @moonlights-ordinance‘s art

Moonlight’s working on an adorable piece where Roche leans his forehead against Iorveth’s back between his shoulderblades. I decided to make it post-W3 with both of them working as paper pushers/administrators under Emhyr’s Temeria. And Nilfgaard does not believe in chairs with backs (or, really, Emhyr wanted to see how long Roche’s pride would make him suffer. It’s a long time). The idea is to show development over time as they slowly get more comfortable with touch and start using each other as backrests. And then the sweet scene Moonlight is drawing.

Eliza for @useless-empty-brain aka Can’t We All Just Get Oolong?

Next is Iorveth’s POV, but I legit cannot figure out where to start. But we’re gonna see some of his thoughts (like how Eliza volunteered him to stay in Vizima for an unspecified period of time and he said yes even though he can’t and now has to commute regularly because he doesn’t want to miss tea with Roche but also doesn’t want Roche’s spies to catch on lmao) and his curiosity about Roche and Foltest and what Roche’s mission is (which I... totally know.)

Roche’s Scars

@moonlights-ordinance sent me a great pic of a mod for Roche where he had some pretty vicious scarring/mutilation. So of course I decided I needed to tell the story of each one. But really, it’s a story about the stages of acceptance with scars. Both Iorveth and Roche start out hiding theirs, but eventually come to reveal them comfortably in public.

Vernon Roche of the Scoia’tael aka The Value of a Man

Does my title give it away? Oops? So, this is a found family fic where Roche is captured by the Scoia’tael and the elves and dwarves slowly come to see him as - well, I was gonna say human, but as a person, I guess. And start feeling really, really guilty, especially when some not great things happen to Roche.

Oh also, Foltest is a giant dick and uh, SPOILERS he does not try to get Roche back. Which leads to a whole subplot that will end with a found family for EVERYONE, because they all deserve to be happy dammit.

All of that was just one document lmao. I have 24 documents, some of which have quite a few WiPs in them. 😱

Kiss Prompts

24. Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer. AKA How to Fluster an Elf

When I got the idea for How to Fluster an Elf, I decided it was gonna fill the prompt dammit. And then it really, really expanded on me.

33. An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.

Roche dreams occasionally that Iorveth visits him and watches over him and sometimes speaks, but he can’t understand Elder Speech, so he assumes it’s all gibberish.

Then he finds out it’s not and suddenly he’s not so certain it’s a dream

16. One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person.

Okay, I literally just need to buckle down and write some good kissing. This is set in (Im)Perfect Strangers and Iorveth is pouting about them leaving the gardens, so Roche makes it up to him.

25. Wet kisses after finding refuge from the rain.

This one won’t actually be published with the kisses ‘cause it’s porn and the rest are T-rated lol. Buuuut Roche and Iorveth are trying to have a secret liaison in the forest when the rain starts. Featuring nature magic, tentacles, and Iorveth getting filled.

Scenes from Another World (aka AU premise)

Old Men in Vergen

Set during Witcher 3, but with an established relationship. Roche comes to visit Iorveth in Vergen to ask for advice on leading an insurgency. Iorveth just wants to feed Roche while he can now that he’s not the one starving in the woods.

Language Aphasia/Deal with the Devil

I wanted to write Gaunter! So I decided that Gaunter is in a mood for some mischief (he calls it being generous) and comes upon a traveling Vernon Roche who wishes that he could be understand Iorveth. Then Iorveth’s Scoia’tael find a passed out Roche in the woods and bring him to Iorveth for judgement. Only somehow, Roche only understands Elder Speech now. He can’t understand Common at all. The Scoia’tael find this very offensive and Iorveth is mostly freaked out that someone who can do THAT was wandering around his forest.

Bunk Beds: The Portrait of Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon

Based on a silly comic, Ciri convinces Iorveth and Roche to try to help her destroy the portrait. Geralt gets pissed and sends them to Bunk Bed Exile. Shenanigans ensue and somehow they start to get along.

Iorveth’s Scoia’tael Giving Him Shit For His Taste in Men aka The Lovestruck Fox

Right now, working on a piece from the POV of a new Scoia’tael recruit who is discovering that Iorveth’s Scoia’tael roast the fuck out of him over his crush on Roche.

Speaking of, anyone have suggestions on prime roast material? I am not this creative.

Let’s Torture Roche!

No, really. This one is pretty dark. And told in kind of a different style than my usual, because I felt like it. So, premise is that Iorveth and Roche were a thing in the past, but then Roche was recalled to Foltest’s side and he went. So Iorveth is understandably pretty hurt and pissed (this was decided for a prompt of someone breaking down as soon as they’re behind closed doors). Buuut what he doesn’t know is that Roche is not with Foltest of his own volition. Hostages, blackmail, and torture are all involved and Foltest is a pretty horrible guy. But of course we need a happy ending, so eventually, Iorveth will rescue Roche and they get to recover together.

Life Debt aka Iorveth is an Asshole

The concept for this was that Roche saved Iorveth’s life and now that they were no longer enemies (set during Witcher 3), his honor demands that he follow Roche around until he can repay the favor. Featuring Iorveth being a trolling asshole, correcting the new Temerian Loyalist’s fighting abilities, and Roche being very, very tired.

In application, it’s mostly angst so far, ‘cause I had to set up HOW Roche saved Iorveth’s life. And then I decided to really hurt Iorveth. But tbh I will probably skip ahead after establishing this stuff, because I just want shenanigans.

King and Country

I’ve got several WiPs for this one, including the Stripes’ recruitment, their decision to change sides, the Stripes being double agents, and of course, Iorveth and Roche’s developing relationship. But hey, I’ve skipped ahead to writing their wedding already, so... you know it ends happily ever after?

Friday Fight Night for Jan 29 (which I did not make oops)

So, this actually turned into a long piece that’s gonna be part of my Chronic Pain series. Basically, King Foltest is treating with the leaders of the Scoia’tael in Temeria and Iorveth is one of them. Unfortunately, he’s having a REALLY BAD pain day, but he’s also determined to be there to represent his people. Roche helps him see sense. Possibly forcefully.

Exhaustion Prompts

“If we’re both in this state, we both really screwed up somewhere huh?”

Iorveth and Roche are trapped in a dream and I got a little stuck creating the creature that trapped them there. But pretty sure Saskia is gonna interrupt their flirting by saving them.

“You were almost dead from pushing it too far!”

In which Roche has a heart attack from too much coffee. Yeah. He’s okay, though! But PT is about to blow a gasket and coffee will very much be disallowed.

Found Family Prompts

Taking Out the Trash for @useless-empty-brain

Literally a story about taking out the trash lmao. We’re gonna see if I can make this intersting.

Touch Starved for @mochii-girl

Honestly, haven’t gotten much done on this yet, but I’m thinking puppy pile cuddles in Corvo Bianco

Coffeeshop AU aka Brewing Romance and Dissent

Ooof I’ve got a lot of bits and pieces of this written, but nothing quite finished, except for the moment when things change from “we flirt as I order coffee” to “I make you special drinks and invite you to come visit me after hours”. Writing a canon coffeeshop au when I know shit all about coffee is HARD.

Curse Breaking

Omg this is one of the first WiPs I started for Iorveth/Roche, no joke. STILL WORKING ON IT! The premise is that Roche finds a feverish and dying Iorveth in an empty Scoia’tael camp, saves him with the power of True Love’s Kiss The Power of Strong Emotions, Like That Which You Might Have For Your Enemy. Then they team up to go save Iorveth’s Scoia’tael from a big bad mage and Roche invites Triss along for the ride, which totally doesn’t make Iorveth jealous. I kinda stalled out at the part where they reach the mage’s hideout and see the results of the mages failed experiments. On Iorveth’s people. It’s gonna hurt. A lot. But afterwards, there might be makeouts. And some sort of implication that they’re all down to do this (minus the horrible, traumatic parts) again.

Roche POV bloodplay

Roche’s POV starting from before his first encounter with Iorveth. Then he has a weirdly sexually arousing encounter with the elf, and tbh, that’s as far as I got. But Iorveth draws blood from Roche’s neck, presses his thumb to it, and then licks it off his thumb. Next, Iorveth was gonna be the one getting Uncomfortably Aroused, but I haven’t gotten that far. No idea where this is going overall.

Iorveth Investigates Roche

This kinda isn’t a real WiP in that idk if I’ll ever finish it. I mostly started it to do some worldbuilding about what public information there would be about Roche.

Voyeurism AKA Eye on You

Yeah, I don’t have much for the next chapter yet, tbh. So premise is that Iorveth accidentally ends up watching Roche get off at the brothel and finds it really, really hot. Hot enough to get curious and go back for more. Next one is going to involve thigh fucking and Iorveth might possibly get pegged by Daph??? idk

Fake Relationship

Poor @lutes-and-dandelions has been waiting forever for this one and I can’t even find a place to end the scene and post what I have so far. Premise is that Iorveth and Roche are both investigating their missing men and the trail takes them to the Murivel Resort for Couples. So they go undercover. Featuring Roche’s POV of being doubtful, Iorveth using the excuse to flirt outrageously, strip gwent, and a magic amulet that hids Iorveth’s scar and that Roche hates.

Competitive Makeouts AKA The Chase

This was kissing practice and it turned into a casefic! Which is awesome because I love casefics even though I haven’t published any yet. So in this one, as Iorveth and Roche sneak off to makeout, they also end up investigating a conspiracy in the Temerian military.

Iorveth/Roche(/Kayran) + Roche/Foltest aka Every Kiss Begins with Kayran

In which Roche accidentally walks in on Iorveth’s monthly fuck date with the Kayran and gets invited to join in. Then, somehow, it starts to turn into a relationship. With an elf and a tentacle monster. And yet, somehow, this relationship is healthier than the one with Foltest. The contrast opens Roche’s eyes.

Pining and Poignards

In which Iorveth stabs Roche with his favorite knife and wants it back and is also maybe pining a lil bit. Meanwhile Roche is rather pissed, but also curious and begins to teach himself Elder Speech to try to read the inscription on Iorveth’s knife. I stalled out in the scene where Iorveth accidentally watches Roche masturbate in the bath.

Iorveth tittyfucking Roche

Look, it’s what it says on the tin. Roche’s POV of Iorveth’s fascination with his chest and how it makes him feel and then there is sex.

Dirty Gremlin Man

Iorveth gets off on Roche being a sweaty, stinky human. Roche pins Iorveth in a fight and Iorveth gets very distracted watching a drop of sweat trail down Roche’s face. So distracted, in fact, that he doesn’t think twice before stretching out his neck and licking it. Then, of course, he remembers where he is. Featuring a very confused Roche, a smidge of jealousy, and Iorveth stealing Roche’s sweaty clothing to do unspeakable things to it. And somehow they get together.

Want me to sit in your lap?

Geralt LEGIT says this to Roche like 5 mins into the Witcher 2 and it’s GREAT. So of course, I had to write a scene where he actually got to. This is set post Witcher 2 while Geralt, Triss, Roche, and Ves are headed back to Temeria. Triss offers Geralt a little stress relief - which involves warming Roche’s cock and watching Triss and Ves get to know one another.

Red is the Rose

So, Chapter 4 is set post-Witcher 2 and Iorveth is obsessing over the fact that the Rose of Remembrance still has not wilted. He wonders what might be possible, so when he hears a rumor that a certain Temerian Commander was taken captive by Dethmold...

Dethmold most definitely dies. But unfortunately, that doesn’t save Roche from the curses he cast. So they go looking for Geralt to find out how to fix it.

This has only been 9 of my documents, y’all. I think I have a problem.

De-Aged Fic aka The language of friendship is not words but meanings

Ugh, I lost my momentum on this one, which sucks, ‘cause the next chapter is so close to done. Iorveth just needs to do a little freaking out first. But then they will both be back to adults and have to DEAL with the fact that they made good friends and would kinda like that again. I think this fic is gonna be purely friendship for them, but they’re gonna get there.

Glory Hole

A fic for the @sugar-and-spice-witcher-bingo where Roche hears a rumor that some Scoia’tael go to this brothel on the outskirts of town and hey, he may as well check it out, right? By going undercover and working the glory hole, of course. He never ACTUALLY expected Iorveth would come, but his legendary mouth was enticing enough to draw the Scoia’tael commander out.

Snuggling

Thirteen “accidentally” handcuffs Iorveth and Roche together when they capture Iorveth. This leads to them lying on the cot in the Stripes’ holding cell, spooning. There is banter and tickling and escapes not attempted and also maybe some sex with Inexperience Iorveth (i say maybe because I already started the sex, but idk if it will fit in).

Petals and Stripes

A weed is but an unloved flower

Okay, the Stripes are going to attempt to woo Iorveth during a battle. Also, there is a stabbing. And then a kidnapping. And then, miracle of miracles, someone actually tries talking!

One person's weed is another person's wildflower

Ves’s POV! She cleans up the mess her idiots make and terrifies the life out of one elven suitor, but first she’s gotta deal with her own conflicted feelings about her Boss, the guy she relies on to show her the shades of grey in the world, loving the elf she’s supposed to kill.

After that, I’ve got 2 more fics planned in this ‘verse. One is gonna be a fluffy and/or sexy date after Iorveth and Roche have gotten together. The other is a Scoia’tael side story, featuring lots of gossip about the humans sending their Commander love letters.

Love Shack

The Better Part of Valor

Ugh, I’m stuck on the sex again. Roche is having a really shitty day, so he goes to the cabin and signals Iorveth that he wants a round. Iorveth offers gentle (for them) sex and praise. And at the end, there’s a very significant scene where Iorveth removes his bandana. Roche buries his fingers in Iorveth’s hair, but doesn’t actually see his face, as he’s laying on his stomach with Iorveth on top of him.

Medicine

The morning after! Roche wakes up to find Iorveth in the bath, facing away from him, and notices a new scar. Iorveth has to deal with actually revealing his scars in daylight and they discuss the significant differences in elven and human medicine. Hint: I turned my own medical procedures into elven medicine, so it’s pretty fucking good.

PWP Ovi

Set ambiguously late, maybe after Thou Art More Lovely and More Temperate. Iorveth and Roche explore what Roche can take. We start with overstimulation, go into consensual somnophilia, come inflation, breeding kink, and oviposition. Because elves reproduce by laying eggs, which is not at all the case purely because I started this WiP ages ago and was horny.

The Picture Says It All

There’s going to be 5 more pictures that Rinn draws for Iorveth. Next is Roche hard at work, hunched over a desk. Then we’re getting some shirtless Roche, for “research”, of course. Then Roche cuddling with PT and the rest of the team, about which Iorveth is not at all jealous. Then a face study of Roche during a fight and uh, Iorveth is uncomfortably turned on. And finally, a drawing of their cabin with a silhouette in the window. She knows.

Roche & Rinn: The Haunting of Barrack 8B

Oh man, I really want to finish the next chapter, because I already have the one after that done. But first, we get introduced to Adda! This ‘verse is going to feature Adda the White a lot more than any of my others have done so far and I’m very excited. Also, Silas continues to be terrified of the ghost and the ghost and Adda become girlfriends buddies.

Roche builds Iorveth a home

Set late in the ‘verse, after Roche knows his feelings, but they haven’t said them yet (not out loud, anyway). Iorveth takes a trip to go meet Saskia do things off screen and Roche ends up turning to his old hobby, carpentry, to keep himself from pining too obviously. So obviously he ends up builing Iorveth a solarium. And a pillow nest. And a scaffold so that flowers that blossom in the moonlight cover the glass and give them privacy.

I got stuck here because Rinn needs to give Roche a hint to get him to build the pillow nest, but I hadn’t developed Rinn and Roche’s relationship yet, so had to go back and do that. But eventually Iorveth returns and they have wonderful I’m-not-saying-it-but-i-love-you sex in the new pillow nest.

Foltest (WiP): Long Live the King

This is actually the last fic in the ‘verse, so I don’t want to give too much away. But actually, I haven’t figured out what the next chapter is, BUT I have the chapter after that started and it is GOOD, just you wait!! I’m very excited.

Don’t Cry For Me, Temeria

This ‘verse alone, I have 14 WiPs and a dozen more unwritten ideas.

(Im)Perfect Strangers

I am frustratingly stuck on this chapter. Theoreatically, we are going to have a check in on how the mountain and the rest of our cast is doing and then Roche launches his Wooing TM plan (aka dinner, gift, and dancing).

Between Two Fools

Yeah, Roche and Iorveth have very different understandings of what their gifts represent. There is some soft happiness and then a swift rug pulled out from under Iorveth’s feet, I’m afraid. BUT we are almost to the part where the two idiots sit down and actually talk properly.

Unlucky Number Thirteen

Not only do I have more of Thirteen’s story planned, but I have ideas for ALL the Stripes to have stories. We’ll see how that goes. But for now, Thirteen starts spying for Roche. A lot of still-nebulous stuff happens, including Thirteen’s first time, for which he asks Roche to help. Additionally, once we reach the (Im)Perfect Strangers timeline, Thirteen has a special story all his own. It involves learning to read and a secret I shall not yet reveal.

Silas

Like I said, all the Stripes are hopefully getting stories. But Silas’s is coming along nicely. He starts a new life as “Silas”, as a man, and joins the army. Boot camp is rough and awful and he’s not very good at any of it, but one day, Roche comes looking for a recruit. He needs a codebreaker to decipher Thirteen’s scouting reports (another one for pictures). So Silas joins the Stripes, but he’s still terrified that they’ll fnd out and think he’s been lying to them. Fortunately, they’ll be putting his fears to rest.

Stripes Sex aka Earning Your Stripes: The First Time

PT’s POV! The Stripes (pre-Silas) are all still getting comfortable with each other as a team. But Thirteen has known Roche the longest and in a specific capacity. So one evening when he needs to get out of his head, Thirteen asks Roche to dom him. PT is confused and scandalized and then jealous, but he gets to join in soon too. Meanwhile, Finch and Ves have fun with their bratty arsonist and Fenn is loving it.

break (v /brāk/): to destroy someone's resistance

This is very long and entirely build up to porn. And then lots of porn. A question during a random conversation leads Roche to make Iorveth ask him to take Iorveth utterly apart in a consensual non-consent fantasy set when they were still enemies in the forest.

Bath House

This was supposed to be a simple PWP where Roche talks dirty to Iorveth under his breath while the two of them are at the bathhouse with Boussy (who LOVES baths and brought them to the fancy bath house), Anais, and Thirteen (who HATE baths and react to water much like a cat). They kinda took over the story and there has been no dirty talk yet oops.

Iorveth POV: Tutti

Iorveth begins to reclaim his love for music and lets himself improvise and compose again. And he ends up writing a song that is the story of his and Roche’s romance.

Daggers, Dumplings, and Dresses

The Elihal/Hattori side story! Though we haven’t actually met Hattori yet. So far, Elihal is expounding on his past and his relationship with Iorveth (he used to make all of Iorveth’s fancy gowns for concerts). Elihal and Hattori won’t play a HUGE role in (Im)Perfect Strangers, but they will be appearing!

Ves and Ciaran aka The First Rule of Fight Club

Ves is stuck walking a very long way back to Vergen with the memory of Ciaran’s skin against her teeth. And even though elves lie like breathing, she can’t help thinking about what he said about Roche not being worth her loyalty. Slowly, she begins to work some things out.

Sex with Saskia/Dragonfucking

Yeah, it’s what it sounds like. Iorveth tells Roche that Saskia agreed to a threesome and where to meet, but he neglected to mention the rather large dragon that was currently rimming his ass. Roche gets distracted from his confusion by the hotness and watches Iorveth get fucked by a dragon (with 2 dicks to fit 2 holes, of course).

Come Inflation + Piss Play

Um. Yeah, it’s a PWP where Roche asks Triss for a potion that will make him come a lot. And then Iorveth wants more. No idea where it’s going, tbh.

Stripes vs Scoia’tael: Water Balloon Fight

Literally a water balloon fight. For morale.

Baby Mama

Uh, the title is a bit telling here oops. But let’s just say Iorveth and Roche go on vacation to the cabin on top of the mountain again when Iorveth is hit with the sudden extreme urge to breed. Roche is down, but at some point, they do actually need to talk.

King Roche aka fics where Roche is in charge and hates it. Some are more in line with this than others.

Post W3 Becoming Terrorists Together

Ah yes, the murder husbands fic. Literally, Roche gets stuck leading Temeria under Emhyr’s orders and he’s good at it, but he HATES it. Enter Iorveth, who both points out security flaws, joins Roche for a surprisingly unawkward bath, and proposes that they go hunting down war criminals on their own time. How can Roche say no?

Pre-W2 Ambassadorial AU

Different first meeting AU! In this one, Iorveth is sent as the elven ambassador to Temeria and it’s about as much fun as one might expect. Triss and Roche, the other outcasts amongst Temerian court, decide to befriend him. Well, try to anyway. idk where this is going, but it’s been fun. Also, Iorveth wears a fancy braid over his eye, because I said so. Also, I might be planning an OT3 porn scene at some point, because it turns out, elves are VERY sensitive to magic XD

Leap of Faith

Okay, yeah, this has nothing to do with King Roche, but it’s the doc I was working in when I got the idea. In this one, a mage captures Iorveth for Foltest and starts torturing him. Roche, without really thinking about it, decides the mage goes too far, so he kills them. Leaving him with an elven prisoner and a castle full of people who will consider him a traitor for that. They escape the city, but now Iorveth has gotta convince Roche that no, the King really won’t forget that whole murder and prisoner escape thing.

The whole point of this fic was for me to write them jumping off a cliff lmao. When am I gonna get to that? Probably like last or second to last chapter, tbh. Which should be... after the next one? No, I lied, it’s next chapter! I need to get on that!

An ill-favour’d thing, sir, but mine own aka Possessive Sex

Piss Fic

Um. Yeah. Roche is really horny when Iorveth gets home and is on him immediately, which is great, but Iorveth has gotta piss. Which becomes less urgent as Roche is determined to have his face fucks, but after he comes all over Roche’s face, it’s VERY urgent and Roche is a fucking brat and won’t move out of the way. So obviously the response to this is to piss on Roche’s crotch - which Roche is apparently more than okay with.

Cum Dumpster Roche

Yeah, this one doesn’t have much yet, I literally just wanted Roche getting railed and claimed and L O V I N G it.

Possessiveness

Iorveth spends a lot of time thinking about his enemy, his nemesis. He’s researched Roche extensively, spent hours thinking up tactics and strategies to outwit his nemesis. He literally knows what Roche named his stupid weapons, but he’s never actually met Roche.

But he’s dreamt about it. The Roche in reality doesn’t look like the assumptions he made in his dreams, but who cares about looks? Because Roche is his, and certainly not some dh’oine king’s.

Tentacles + Breeding

Gods, this one is SO CLOSE to being done dammit, I just gotta finish it!! But it’s a fun one. Iorveth and Roche are fighting, when Iorveth suddenly starts fighting plants, which are fighting back. Then the plants notice Roche and suddenly he’s tied up with vines and his clothes are getting torn off and uh, he’s not supposed to find this hot, is he? But he really kinda does. And then Iorveth goes and claims him and tries to protect him from a nearly-extinct non-sentient plant that sensed a warm spot to lay its eggs until someone else could come along and fertilize them. Iorveth is delighted to be that person.

Dream: Pleasure Slave

Yeah, Roche really likes getting claimed in these. In this one, he has a favorite dream setting where Iorveth rules some grand elven kingdom and Roche’s only role is to bring him pleasure. Not to deal with politics or nobles or policy, but just to make Iorveth feel good. So far, this features cock warming, come inflation, a leather cock cage (so to speak), prostate milking, and a very nice silver chalice that Iorveth expects Roche to fill before they’re done.

Roche wears a collar

This was gonna be a simple lil thing based on me creating Roche in heroforge and giving him a lil hidden collar. But then Iorveth decided to get really sappy and had to design and create the perfect collar for his enemy. And then, much to his surprise, he gets the opportunity to PUT his collar on Roche. Which is great, except the sight distracts him so much that Roche manages to escape.

But the next time they meet, Roche is still wearing that collar, hidden under his chaperon and armor. Iorveth has feelings about that.

Standalone

Crones fic aka And Ghosts Did Shriek and Shrill

So this is the angsty fic that started from a crack premise. Er, one of them. I seem to do that a lot. But in this one, Roche goes to the Ladies of the Woods and asks for his men back. The Ladies agree, in exchange for 6 lifetimes of service. But no creature can reverse death. Which leads to the Stripes coming back to “life” as ghosts - only Roche is the only one who can see them. Ves can’t (not at first).

Believe it or not, the whole idea behind this was the Stripes roasting Roche as he tries to flirt (terribly) with Iorveth. But uh... somehow it turned pretty dark. Like, it’ll have a happy ending for sure, but it’s gonna be a lot about processing trauma and grief and building families and also curing a plague, because that’s the first assignment from the Ladies.

Stripes fics

Cuddles with the Commander

This is intended to be a sequel to The Pride of Temeria, but I kinda got stuck figuring out exactly how Roche should react. Tbh, I don’t have much of this written yet, but the goal is for Roche to approve cuddles with everyone lmao.

Fire Breating

Okay, this one started as crack purely because I love fire, but it’s actually been really fun. So, Iorveth and Roche are established and Iorveth has been invited to a family night with the Stripes, which is kinda a lil awkward. So they decide to showcase some of their talents - which includes Roche singing musicals and PT breathing fire.

Iorveth is horrified that humans have harnessed this skill.

Iorveth’s missing eye

This is really short and idk if I’ll continue it, but the idea was for Roche to really wonder what was up with the bandana over half of Iorveth’s face was about. And then, of course, to find out.

Iorveth Gangbang

Why is this under Stripes fics, you might ask? Well, I have great news for you. Guess who the gang is?

In which Iorveth and Roche are in an established relationship and Iorveth gets tied up in the middle of the Stripes’ camp while Roche orders his men to take him apart. Iorveth very much enjoys himself, and then when the Stripes are tapped out, Roche shows ‘em how it’s done.

Kink Bingo fics aka that event that I totally failed, but hey, prompts are prompts.

Age Kink

In this fic, Iorveth and Roche both end up captured by unknown forces and end up imprisoned together. I think the Stripes and Scoia’tael are probably working together to find them and save them, but in the meantime, Iorveth and Roche decide to get to know each other a bit better. Featuring muscle spasms, blow jobs, and pain kink.

Eskel/Lambert (okay, a little out of place here, but eh, it’s in the doc and I am still working on it)

Started for a prompt on tumblr, Eskel and Lambert end up fighting and, trying to keep the peace, Eskel casts axii on Lambert. Which leads to Lambert confessing that he bit Eskel because it’s the only way he could get his mouth on him. This leads to some dodged confessions, some frottage, and some snarky banter, because of course it does.

Tempt Not a Desperate Man aka the Fuck or Die series that started with Devour What’s Truly Yours

Fisting

The next part of the series, where Roche struggles with the fact that he’s been high key horny ever since the encounter in the woods with Iorveth and nothing is satisfying him. Iorveth, on the other hand, is jealous and annoyed that Roche keeps going to the whorehouse.

Then Roche decides to make a potentially suicidal move and enters the forest to try to find the clearing from last time. And, as you might guess from my heading, fisting will be happening.

Iorveth POV: The Chaperon

Okay, I don’t actually have much of this written, but it’s really cute so - Roche keeps using his chaperon as a cum rag, so Iorveth knits and/or sews him a new one.

“Human Bootlicker”

PWP where Iorveth jokingly suggestions Roche should surrender on his knees - and then Roche does. And asks Iorveth to take his prize. Featuring Roche coming all over Iorveth’s boots from getting his face fucked, then leaning down and licking up the mess while Iorveth watches and then comes over his face.

One Accidental Proposal and Five Attempts At Accepting

So one of the themes of this ‘verse is gonna be the Elven Baths where the Roses of Remembrance grow. As in, they decide to make the elven baths a place they meet up. This is the first time Iorveth takes Roche there, and Roche does not know what significance the roses have. But he DOES know that Iorveth blushes cutely when he tucks a rose behind Iorveth’s ear, so...

Iorveth would like to accept, only Roche doesn’t know WHAT he’s trying to accept.

The Legend

So in the game, there is a legend around the statue of elven lovers above the elven baths. “Legend has it the lover’s sighs are enchanted within these very stones, though only those in love can hear them.”

Iorveth overhears his Scoia’tael gossiping about the legend and comes to an abrupt realization that Roche and him were the ones they were hearing. Oops?

Standalone Fics

Letters

This is kind of a bittersweet WiP that I mostly wrote in one go and then went to sleep and kinda lost the will for it. BUT the premise is that post-Witcher 3 Roche is in charge of Temeria and his brooding is interrupted when he receives a letter sealed with a forget me not pressed into wax. Iorveth continues to send letters describing his life as a “civilian” in Nilfgaard and how much he hates it and Roche relates a little bit too much. Then Iorveth decides to run away and live on the streets as a musician and he might inspire Roche to start learning the cello and presumably at some point, they meet.

Identity Porn

Iorveth and Roche have a meet cute in Flotsam’s tavern while the elf is listening in for local gossip and Roche is passing through on his way to meet with the other northern kings to get support in fighting against the new emerging threat of the Scoia’tael. Neither knows who the other is, but that doesn’t stop them from starting a relationship where they meet every time Roche passes through Flotsam. But their house of cards can only last so long, and at some point, they will meet as enemies. Who knows what happens then? idk, not me.

Gwent pinup calendar aka Cards Out for Your Country

Hahaha, so I started this series in response to some WONDERFUL art of Roche with his Tits Out For Temeria. And obviously we need more of that, so I created a list of 24 characters who are asked to pose for some pinup art, all in the name of Gwent. So far, I’ve only finished Dandelion’s pose/the introduction, but I do plan to do as many of them as I physically can.

Gwent Game in Corvo Bianco

Wow, I didn’t even remember this WiP, so uh... clearly I haven’t worked on it in a while. But it’s Iorveth’s POV of how surprisingly comfortable he is in Corvo Bianco and Iorveth and Geralt get drunk and play gwent.

Zoltan/Jaskier/Priscilla

A giftfic for Wibbly that involves Zoltan being sappy about his bards and then Priscilla dominates them. Featuring all my headcanons about dwarven genitalia (two holes, one with a retractible dick).

Dijkstra fics

Noticing Roche’s Fucked Up Relationship

Anyone else randomly finding themselves shipping Dijkstra/Roche? No? Ah well. For this one Dijkstra observes Roche and sees a few too many reminders of himself with Vizimir, except Foltest is no Vizimir, and Roche clearly hasn’t learned to set up boundaries. Dijkstra feels weirdly compelled to help him figure that out before Foltest destroys him.

Developing Respect Fic

Also known as “let’s torture Roche 1.0!” This fic switches between the present, where Roche has woken up in a cell somewhere unknown and it brings back far too many memories for him to be entirely sure of what is happening when. In the past, he was captured by Redania while on a mission for Foltest, long before he was anyone notable. Dijkstra comes to visit, curious about this prisoner who refuses to break, to even tell them his name or confirm his country (but he has a Temerian tramp stamp, so they know lmao). So Dijkstra decides that this is not a man who will be broken through torture and decides to try conversation instead. The idea is to show them slowly gaining respect for each other, but like, obviously Roche is still a prisoner. Eventually, he’s returned to Temeria in a prisoner exchange, but meanwhile, in the present, Roche is all alone, with not even guards around and no way to free himself.

and that’s all!! I am... legitimately scared to count, tbh. This post is so fucking long, the number cannot be good for my heart. But, that said, please come talk to me about any ideas you find interesting!! Or anything you have questions about!

And if you made it this far down the list... wow. Thank you, you rock.

#rorveth #iorveth x roche #the witcher #don't cry for me temeria #wip wednesday #my fics #WiPs #yeah it's not wednesday but whatever i finished the list

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janus-stanus · 4 years ago

Note

Do you have any Janus headcanons that you want to share?? I seriously love reading peoples' headcanon

You want Janus headcanons? I’ll give you Janus headcanons. All the headcanons.

* Janus came into existence as a Side later than the others, and he wasn’t initially Deceit. More on that here and here (though I have some changes in mind for when I actually write something out of it, hehe)

* He became in charge of keeping Remus out of school things kind of by default, and from there, they bonded.

* He got into spats with Patton often, which he took way more seriously than Patton ever did. Usually everyone else sided with Patton, cause they knew and trust him. Especially Roman.

* Janus learned to fake confidence fairly early on. He figured, he had to convince himself that he knew what he was doing before the others would take him seriously. You know. “I am the first one I deceive”. That. Oh, and “Razzle Dazzle”.

* He’s planted “roots” in Thomas’s mental system, like a network of cables that can transfer information to him almost instantly. He has clusters of roots form around secrets he (or the others) is (are) keeping from Thomas. For the aesthetic, his eyes glow gold when he checks in to it, and the information rings in his ears like hissing.

* As a kid he wore a yellow shirt, with a waistcoat over it to make himself appear more professional. As a teen, he wore a long black coat, a fedora, and a striped yellow scarf. There’s more I want to say about the scarf, but, spoilers.

* ...That being said, I will spoil this from the wip where the sides all find their names: Logan helped Janus find his (ever notice that we didn’t see Logan’s reaction to Janus’s name reveal in POF? I’m running with it). He liked the name, it felt right... but it, at this point, didn’t really tell him anymore about what his purpose was supposed to be.

* It stops being a sore spot for him at a certain point, but then by the time of POF, where his failures have definitely not been getting to him, it kinda sorta is again! Hence, his... reaction, to Roman’s... reaction.

* (Also, it’s just his instinct by this point to be snide and pointedly cruel when he’s hurt or backed into a corner. He knows how to go for the jugular, and sometimes he doesn’t realize - or doesn’t care - just how deep his blows will cut.)

* Since I mentioned Jan originally not being Deceit... here’s a song that basically lays out why he came to take on that role :) (spotify recced this to me a few days ago and I’m still not over it)

* It was only once Janus became Deceit that he started gaining his snake features. First fangs; then the changes to his left eye; then his scales. Right before the other sides found out about the gay, the scales covered his whole face, and probably went below his shoulders too. It was bad. By teen times they’ve receded to mostly one side of his face, but they’re still on his neck for a few years (hence the scarf).

* Jump ahead to Thomas in early high school, and Janus, for reasons that would be Big Time Spoilers (though I may be able to... share some excerpts... if people want...), chose to cut himself and Remus off from Thomas. He keeps their existence a secret, having them only influence Thomas subconsciously, until, well, the series basically. (Virgil joined the “others” shortly after the divide, of his own choice, and thus wasn’t hidden from Thomas like the rest of them were.)

* For all those years, Janus whispered comforting lies to Thomas. Lies that stopped working after he revealed himself in CLBG, because Thomas now recognized that voice as belonging to his deceitful side. I have a wip about this that I’m planning to finish and post for his birthday!

* Janus helped Thomas believe that he was an honest person. A good person, even. Because, that’s what Thomas wanted, as evidenced by the Big Time Spoilers. Even as Janus recognized the long term impacts of the lie. Even as he himself thought the whole moral dilemma was a distraction at best.

* The more Janus dedicated himself to becoming Deceit, the more he came to rely on lies, which is a large part of why his and Virgil’s relationship collapsed. All their conversations became like, to borrow an old metaphor of mine, fencing duels, with Janus always trying to assert his control and distract from his intentions with witty remarks, and Virgil always assuming the worst of him, rapidly switching between offense and defense.

* Janus and Remus’s relationship was, and is, much less hostile. Yes, Remus gets on his nerves, literally every day... but, unlike the others when it comes to Jan, “trust” isn’t a hurdle for Remus. They’re partners in crime; they’re best friends. And that’s enough. It has to be.

* I don’t really have a better place for the following diatribe, so here we go:

Ever since the Big Time Spoilers thing, Janus has done what he can to eliminate and prevent any feelings of regret for the bad things he does. He justifies to himself that it was the best choice he could have made, that it was a necessary evil; or, he convinces himself that what he said or did wasn’t that bad, the blame is on the everyone else for reacting the way they did; or, he simply goes “oopsie, my bad, definitely won’t repeat that mistake” and does everything he can not to think about it again. To quote the song “Devil in the Details” from his playlist again, “I put my past into the ground”.

Speaking of songs, there’s this line from the song “Never Love an Anchor” by The Crane Wives, one of my favorite bands incidentally:

It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest With this heart of mine that’s guilty not remorseful

Janus will readily admit to being guilty of having made bad decisions, decisions that hurt people (though in the moment he will be unreasonably stubborn about admitting he’s doing something wrong/stupid, to self defeating ends).

But remorseful? No, he’s never remorseful. At least, he’d like to believe he isn’t (because that would just make things so much more complicated).

And when so much of your own conception of yourself is based on lies you’ve told, to feel more confident, to feel like you belong, like you’re doing what you should be doing...

Is there really a difference?

I have No way Of telling The two Apart

Oh hey, “Devil in the Details”, what are you doing here again? It’s almost like I draw half of my entire Janus characterization from you alone /hj

* (This is a deliberate contradictory parallel to Virgil, who seems to keep a full record of every mistake Thomas has made (see ATDH). Anxiety constantly digs up your past mistakes, theoretically to make sure you don’t repeat them. What Thomas needs, as with every dilemma in this series, is a healthy balance between their two perspectives.)

* The last of the pre-canon headcanons I have is this. TL;DR, Janus helps Roman out when Thomas plays villianous roles (their cooperation could perhaps explain why Roman initially described Janus as “very nice”)

* Janus’s plan for CLBG was not to get caught; he was hoping to convince Thomas of his various merits over the course of multiple discussions, before properly revealing himself.

* When PattonJanus asks, “Virgil, it’s me. Aren’t we friends?” That’s like 10% him still trying to keep up the facade, but 90% him asking genuinely. And the fact that Virgil can’t even look at him when he answers implies that he has some doubt too... because it still might be Patton and he doesn’t want to hurt him? Or because, he knows it’s Janus, but his feelings are just that complicated?

* In between CLBG and SvS, Janus realizes the thing I pointed out earlier about his subconscious lies suddenly working not nearly as well on Thomas - specifically, the whole “good person” thing, since it’s currently causing him a lot of stress. Instead of dwelling on the fact that this has kind of undone years and years of work on his end, Janus goes, “You know what? I never believed that bullshit mattered anyway! I should convince Thomas that it doesn’t matter either; it’ll be much better for him in the long term.” And then the wedding vs callback dilemma presents the perfect opportunity. Hence, SvS, parts 1 and 2.

* Janus can read the other sides like open books... but only if they’re acting within the narrow perspective of what Janus would expect from them. The biggest example is with Roman in SvS. Janus knows that Roman wants to go to the callback more than anything. He’s Thomas’s Hopes and Dreams, for Pete’s sake! But what he doesn’t expect, is the extent to which Roman priorities Thomas being good (or believing himself to be good), even at the expense of his actual role as a side. That’s why Roman’s sentencing of Thomas throws him so badly; it’s when he realizes just how much Patton’s unopposed influence has affected Thomas (not that Patton ever meant it that way).

* My thoughts on Janus’s motivations for setting Remus loose in DWIT and his feelings on the matter afterward are covered in this fic (which you’ve commented on, but you know the hustle, gotta self promo where I can)

* So. Putting Others First. I don’t have much to add on top of the wonderful canon content it gave us. But.

“Sometimes I don't know the way. But... When I told you that, you were so scared. I couldn't bear it. So I said to myself, ‘Alright, Patton. Thomas needs you. You're responsible for his morality. You can never not have an answer for him.’

After Patton says this, the cut to Janus?

The Thing his face does after the eyebrow raise?

I live for this shit.

A while ago, my headcanon for this moment was that it was when Janus realized that Thomas wanted to be a good person, as much and as genuinely as he wanted anything else (like, being famous and fulfilling his dreams), and that, as the one who wants what Thomas wants, it’s a drive he should take into consideration. But then I rewatched CLBG, and was struck by this exchange:

[Thomas]: Why didn't I know about him until now? [Virgil]: He had you convinced you're an honest person. [Thomas]: But I... AM an honest person. [Deceit]: Oh, you are, Thomas. You are a good person. Everybody says so.

This is where some fo the earlier stuff about Janus playing into Thomas’s belief that he was a good person came from, and it required a changing of my interpretation of That Look in POF. So now? I take it as the moment Janus realizes that, when he revealed himself like a Scooby Doo villain, the effect wasn’t just that he could no longer use his comforting lies on Thomas. It put the whole responsibility of Thomas believing he’s good, something obviously very important to him, onto Patton, a side he could trust. And Janus knows what kind of toll that burden must have taken on him.

* I have plans now for a Janus & Patton fic set after the Janus & Logan one that’s been in limbo since the summer which will delve more into Janus’s vulnerabilities, going back to the whole idea of him being guilty but not feeling remorseful.

To not give away too much... Like how Logan insists he doesn’t feel things because he’s Logic, because it would get in the way of his function, Janus insists that he doesn’t have any interest in his own morality or how he’s perceived by the other sides, because it would get in the way of his ability to do what’s best for Thomas. He needs to be able to push Thomas to act in his own self-interest in all scenarios, and otherwise manipulate things behind the scenes, even when it requires being immoral. So he, Janus, can’t care about being a good person.

But Janus is a part of Thomas. And he won’t get away with hiding from the implications of that for much longer.

He’ll have to face the mortifying ordeal of being known, and of feeling remorse.

Will this be his arc in canon? Who knows; I’m just having fun :)

...Those last two got kinda long. Sorry about that, lol. Let’s knock some final few ones out.

* Moving on, in FWSA, both Patton and Janus were watching the proceedings, with Janus contributing when called on (something he’s not used to, especially at that frequency). This leads to this post.

* Janus wants to have control, influence, some modicum of power, in any scenario he’s in. He does not like leaving things up to other people. He’s learned he can’t predict Remus and has mostly come to live with that, and he’ll ultimately bow to Thomas’s judgement if it conflicts with his own, but they are the only exceptions.

* This post.

* I don’t think about human AUs much, but, if you’ll allow me some projection: human Janus who’s nonbinary with eczema.

* An UnderTale related thought I posted months ago: A human Janus in that world would be a Determination (Red) soul, who has at times attempted and spectacularly failed at being a Patience soul. Put another way, the boy tries to plan and wait things out, but... you know.

* Lastly, he’s an enneagram type eight. Enjoy the song, and thanks for asking about my thoughts!

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #janus sanders #we have fun here #writing reference

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angel-emmerson · 4 years ago

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Unearned Chances | Self-Para

addiction mention tw / abortion mention tw

Ángel’s eyes barely left the sugar packet he was playing with in his hands. He shouldn’t have been there, shouldn’t have lied to his moms about where he was spending the day, he should have told someone. But as of late he didn’t want to tell anyone anything, not even Quinn which he knew was slightly dramatic. But he was starting to feel like the minute he let something out into the universe it stopped being his. So maybe he needed a break, from social media, from his day to day life, something if it meant finding some semblance of balance again. But this..this was different. It was slightly selfish, slightly reckless and slightly reasonable. It had been on his mind for months, the lack of closure still swirling around his mind and the look in the older man’s eyes when he left.

So now he sat in a run down diner on the side of the highway, slightly sweating his ass off as he sat across from his father, a cold plate of fries in between them.

He hated how much he looked like him, the shape of his nose, his hair, the way he looked when he enjoyed a bite of food. He felt like he was looking at an older version of himself and it was terrifying. He didn’t think he needed a father, didn’t think he needed a male figure like him. He had his uncles, his coaches who had stepped in as pseudo fathers, giving him a ride home, making sure he knew how to be a good man. But he knew it was different, knew that even the one’s who stuck around weren’t necessarily great. He never thought he needed him but looking at him now, he realized how many questions he had.

“So uh, you...you still sick?”

Christian nodded as he set down his silverware and reached for his glass of water. “Part of getting older, you know? You get old, your bones ache, you get sick. Your mother, she worries too much an-”

“Don’t...” Ángel held up his hand with a sigh, “Don’t..look, I’m here but she’s not my mother, alright? I got two moms and their names are Jan and Dawn, let’s just get that straight.”

“Okay, okay don’t get all tight on me, alright? You get that from me, that temper of yours,” he told him, pointing at him with a fork before he sat back. “I see it, your eyes all crazy, I know you must be going through it if you reached out to me. I know it’s not just cause you wanted to wish me a happy father’s day.”

“Sure wasn’t. Don’t talk like you know me, alright? You don’t fucking know me,” Ángel grumbled as he sat up a bit. “Yeah I’m going through shit, if I was smart I would have stayed my ass home but look at me, one big dumbass sitting here with you. Not like I didn’t know I could blame all this anger on your anyway. You and your wife did a fucking number on me, you know that? Selfish shit, real selfish shit. You gonna explain that all away to me? Tell me how you had a tough life and shit?”

Christian’s grip around his fork tightened and Ángel saw that familiar look of rage in his eyes, hating how much he recognized it. “You always talk this much shit or do I get special treatment? Marissa says you’re all over social media looking happy and enjoying life. What happened? Some mujer broke your heart or something?” He pushed some food around his plate before sighing. “Your mother and I were addicts,” he said plainly as he glanced up at Ángel. “We were...surprised when she got pregnant. We were..so sure we could get it together but we couldn’t. I wanted her to get an abortion, she was going to and then she got to there and changed her mind, you know, it wasn’t so easy to get them back then. So we saw it through and we...we tried, we tried hard and when we had you, we were sober but then..” he looked away, clearly ashamed but Ángel found it hard to have pity. “You want the truth? We were high out of our minds when we gave you up. It was stupid and dangerous and we drove away fucking stupid. I know it was stupid but after that, things changed, we became depressed, angry and we realized we had no choice when a year letter we got pregnant with Adolfo. I know..I know we weren’t good people but we have...tried our hardest to make up for that time, okay? And we..we thought about looking for you, we did but it was..”

“What? Too hard? Fuck, you want me to sit here and have pity at what you just told me? Cause all I got from that is I was a fucking mistake. And you decided not to look for me, you decided that I didn’t get to know the good version of you so why should I now? I’m supposed to care that you’re gonna die?” Ángel ran his hands over his face and shook his head, letting out a bitter laugh. “Legit no part of that story made anything better, yo. It made it worse. Like way worse. And look I have plenty of people in my life who have struggled with addiction, I get it, alright? Life’s tough, real tough but you know what you should have done instead? Been less selfish and aborted my ass,” he practically spat at him, swallowing back the rest of the words as he heard his own echo back to him. His gaze dropped back to the sugar packet in his hands and he noticed he had finally ripped a piece, hesitating before he swept the leftover sugar onto the floor.

It was quiet for a few moments as both of them let their anger settle, both of them cycling through different thoughts and emotions, not quite sure which one to land on.

“No puedo cambiar el pasado,” Christian started, forcing himself to look at his son, a stranger who’s eyes he had been the first to look into. How could it be that the tiny baby in his arm had become this grown man? How could it be that even without him he had still become full of rage? “Pero quiero cambiar el presente. Por favor, Ángel. Dame esa oportunidad. I know I don’t deserve it, okay? I know, but I am here at your mercy. You called, remember? Me llamaste.”

Ángel swallowed thickly as he thought about his words. He thought about all the chances he had given to the people in his life, the way he loved Quinn almost to a fault, the way the people in his life with addictions had drained so many moments from him. He thought about his recent fight and how that had been fueled by someone’s addiction and how his entire life seemed to be consumed by addiction. His very life had been a creation of it and he wasn’t sure he had it in him. He was quiet as he sat there, one of his legs bouncing as he closed his eyes and a few tears slipped out. He was so angry, he was so tired, he was so lost. The tears kept streaming and every time he thought he knew what he was going to say, he lost it all over again. Before he knew it, he heard Christian getting up from his seat, pulling him up from his own in order to embrace him in a hug. He froze at first, until he remembered they were in the middle of nowhere and he hugged him back, practically falling apart against him.

Christian felt like he was dreaming and he held his son the way he had hoped to for all those years, the ways he had dreamed of when his wife told him to stop thinking about it, to stop feeling guilty every year May 30th passed, every time hef ound himself looking back on his life and realizing that he was never proud of any of it after that moment. He didn’t think he was a bad man but he didn’t think he was a good one and the man in his arms now, angry and damaged and sad, was proof that he had always been to blame, that he had done this no matter how much he tried to deny it.

After what felt like far too long, they finally pulled apart and Ángel was quick in wiping at his face, stepping back out of embarrassment as he pulled his wallet from his back pocket and dropped some money down to pay for the food. He was quiet as they walked out and he slid on his sunglasses, unlocking the car so Christian could get back in and he could drop him off a block away from where he lived just like he had picked him up. He was still quiet as he helped him into the passenger seat, trying to imagine what he must have been like at a younger age, wondering what had led him to be an addict, what had happened with his father to turn him into who he was. He hated that he had so many questions, which meant he wouldn’t stop until he asked them.

“My high school diploma and my college degree have your name on it. Ángel Christian, I never changed it, mostly cause I didn’t know it was your name.” He turned the volume as his music came on and Christian reached out to turn it up.

“What do you know about Jon Secada, huh? Now that man can sing and this is a jam,” he concluded, staring out the window as he sang along to the song blasting on the radio.

Ángel caught glimpses of him as he drove, watching him lose himself in the song, taking in just how..ordinary he was, how human and he almost resented the way it twisted the anger in him and turned it into a tiny ounce of compassion. Could he be blamed for wanting to get to know his dying father?

He eased into the parking spot he had picked the older man up in and parked the car, thinking about how different things had been the last time he was there. Christian hesitated as the car went into park and he realized this was just another secret he’d have to keep, but it seemed a bit easier when it came with the chance to atone for his greatest sin.

“Will I get to see you again?”

Ángel opened his mouth to speak but stopped himself soon after, clearing his throat before he nodded softly. “I-I got more questions so uh, yeah..yeah I’ll call you, alright?”

He didn’t miss the small smile that grew on Christian’s face as he got out of the car to help him out, making sure he was settled on his feet with his cane before he shut the passenger door. “Tómalo con calma caminando por la manzana, viejo.”

Christian let out a laugh as he gave Ángel’s shoulder a squeeze. “Me encanta escucharte hablar español.”

Ángel actually managed a slight bit of a smile as he looked at him but shook it off and went back around to get in his truck. He gave the older man one more wave before he watched him start on down the block and he waited until he was mostly there before he pulled away. Maybe he had made a mistake by reaching out but the further away he drove, the more he found himself wishing he had done it sooner.

#self para #sp #apparently fathers day is self para day lmfao #unearned chances #addiction mention tw #abortion mention tw

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padawanlost · 6 years ago

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Anakin Skywalker & Slavery

Continuation of this post (a question by @ask-the-almighty-google)

Anakin, as a Jedi, had a unique approach to slavery. I’m aware this is a divisive topic with opinions ranging from “Anakin was worse than Jabba” to “Anakin did nothing wrong”. Instead of doing a “opinion piece” I decided it would be more constructive if we could look at the facts. My personal opinion will still be a part of this but today I’ll try to show more and talk less.

Anakin, as a child born in slavery, was deeply traumatize by his experiences and that certainly influenced how he look at it. His reactions to slavery were personal because it was something deeply personal to him. Anakin was wrong in not fighting for the clones but to expect Anakin to passionately the cause is unrealistic because he spend the previous 10 years old his life behind constantly criticized for that exact same behavior. He did want to save all slaves but the Jedi “beat” that dream of out him.

“Worried about helping Jabba? Don’t worry, everyone else is, too.” Anakin could never answer her. He tried not to think about it, but the thought was like a corris weevil, eating away at his resolve. The Jedi had never tried to rescue his mother or buy her out of slavery. Instead, they had taken him, given him this new life, but left her behind on Tatooine. He had just accepted it at the time, but now … now he knew how much power Jedi had, and all he could wonder is why she hadn’t been worth their time and trouble, too, if only to keep him happy. Not even Qui-Gon Jinn had cast a backward glance at Shmi Skywalker. As the months and years wore on, the question would not leave Anakin alone. He didn’t want to let resentment eat away at his fond memories of his old Master, but he couldn’t stop it sometimes. […]The Jedi Council had credits. Real wealth. Would it really have been beyond them to buy his mother out of slavery? Anakin accepted that some things had to be learned from the cradle. He was already full of attachment and emotion, too set in his ways of being a messy, ordinary human to adopt the aloof serenity—the unloving detachment, the arm’s-length and measured compassion—a Jedi needed. He did his best. Why wasn’t my mother worth saving? [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

Why won’t they help me free my mother? It’s not fair! It’s not right! Countless times, Obi-Wan explained that every Jedi had to obey the directives of the Jedi Council, and could never use the Force for selfish purposes. He urged Anakin to consider how freeing one slave on Tatooine might lead to the deaths of others, as some slavers might prefer to destroy their “property” than release them from bondage. The Jedi also had to answer to the Galactic Senate, and for the time being, the Senate had little interest in anything that happened on Tatooine. Why do the Jedi have to answer to anybody? Anakin wondered. Despite Anakin’s desire to distance himself from the slave he had once been, he was unable, or unwilling, to shed the other aspects that had defined him on Tatooine. [Ryder Windham’s The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader]

This was a constant in Anakin’s years as a Jedi. every time he tried to bring up the subject he was told how wrong he was by these powerful and wise beings he so admired. Eventually he stopped asking. He buried his dreams.

When they'd met, Anakin had been a warm-hearted nine-year-old boy with an open nature. He was twelve and a half now, and the years had changed him. He had grown to be a boy who hid his heart. [Jude Watson’s Deceptions]

Slavery became a sore topic. Something he tried to hide at all costs. And, if possible, avoided thinking about at all costs.

Anakin regretted it as soon as he said it. He’d made it sound more as if he had some wild, dark past, and nothing was better guaranteed to keep Ahsoka asking questions than that. If he explained he’d been a Hutt’s slave, she’d dig away at it until all the bad stuff came out. It was hard enough telling Padmé, and she was his wife. [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

I think he internalized and eventually blamed it all on himself. He admitted to himself he had a part in it too and that guilty ate away at him.

When the war was over he’d go back to Tatooine and see. When the war was over he’d buy any child he found enslaved to Watto and find them a home where they might live and love in safety. Belonging to no one but themselves. I should have done it before now. Wasn’t that my other childhood dream? Become a Jedi and free the slaves. Instead I became a Jedi and let myself forget. Let them convince me that it’s not our job to remake the Republic. The Jedi were keepers of the peace, not legal enforcers. That was the Senate’s job. How many times had he been told that? He’d lost count. But the Senate was falling down on the job, wasn’t it? What was the use of having anti-slavery laws if the barves who broke them never paid for their crimes? It was enough to shake his hard-won and harder-kept faith. If scum like Watto and Jabba and the other Hutts kept on making their fat profits on the backs of living property—and if the Senate continued to turn a blind eye—how could anyone believe in the Republic? How could he? [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Anakin wasn’t sure how he’d react when he saw Watto again. Although his former master had been kinder than other slave owners, Anakin had always resented the fact that Watto refused to free his mother. Watto isn’t entirely to blame, Anakin mused, wondering just how hard Qui-Gon had tried to liberate Shmi. Slavery is allowed here, and Watto is just a businessman. [Ryder Windham’s The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader]

There are credits in slavery—and credits trump justice. Always have. Always will. And the Jedi? They didn’t want to get involved. Even Qui-Gon … So I guess it’s up to me. I failed my mother. I didn’t go back for her and she died. But when the war is over I’ll make good on my word. I’ll fight slavery wherever I find it … and there’ll be no mercy for those who steal lives. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Jabba grew fat on the misery of beings like Anakin’s mother. He’d probably taken a percentage of the very transactions that had kept Shmi Skywalker in slavery. And still I have to save his son. Because we need his goodwill. His space lanes. The idea stuck in Anakin’s throat like a splintered nuna bone. The pain was palpable. [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

He buried it so deep he became a Jedi. on the surface, he was very much a Jedi (not as dismissive of slavery as the detached Jedi but still unwilling to face the full reality of the situation). However, it still hurt him.

Anakin wondered whether it was expedience, simple logic—both he and Kenobi spoke Huttese and were experienced in covert missions—or some exercise in character building. Yoda knew Anakin’s past, that he and his mother had been slaves of a Hutt. Jabba raked off a cut from the slave trade, too, so he was personally connected to Anakin’s boyhood misery, and even his mother’s ultimate fate. Callous didn’t begin to cover it. Anakin’s instinctive reaction would have been to tell Jabba that it was too bad and that people you loved got killed all the time. [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

Again, he buried his feelings and thoughts because that’s what the Jedi taught him. when the Clone War begins, that’s what he does. He buries everything. It’s a result of his traumas and his jedi upbringing. But let me you, Anakin did care about the clones. No, he did not fight for his rights or recognized their status as slaves but this idea that Anakin didn’t care about the well being of his men is as fanon as fanon gets.

I know this is a contraction hard to grasp. I mean, how can’t some fail to notice someone is a slave, keep them enslaved and still care about their life and grief for them? sounds impossible, right? But it’s not. These kinds of contractions are what makes us humans, what makes great characters great. How can Obi-wan love Anakin and still cut of his limbs and leave him to burn? He is human. This is not a simple matter that can be summarized with a simple right or wrong answer.

It’s not darkness. I’m not dark. This isn’t anger— It was okay; they’d always told him so. He was fighting to save his men, and if he did terrible things out of compassion, out of love, then he wasn’t turning to the dark side. That was the Jedi way. For my mother. For my men. For Padmé. [The Clone Wars by Karen Traviss]

Impatience. Concern. Relief. Loneliness. Weariness. And grief, not yet healed. Such a muddle of emotions. Such a weight on [Anakin]’s shoulders. Months of brutal battle had left [Ahsoka] drained and nearly numb, but it was worse for Anakin. He was a Jedi general with countless lives entrusted to his care, and every life damaged or lost he counted as a personal failure. For other people he found forgiveness; for himself there was none. For himself there was only anger at not meeting his own exacting standards. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Under [Anakin]’s careless confidence, she sensed a hint of that unhealed grief. The loss of greenies Vere and Ince during the Jan-Fathal mission … the loss of other Torrent Company clones since then … his pain was like a kiplin-burr, burrowed deep in his flesh. Anakin had a bad habit of nursing those wounds, and no matter what she said, tactfully, no matter what Master Kenobi said without any tact at all, nothing made a difference. He hurt for them, and always would. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

[Anakin] looked at Ahsoka. “Fine. You can go. But I want to be kept informed of Torrent Company’s status. Don’t make me chase you for updates, is that clear?” She managed to smile. “Yes, Master. Thank you.” “And Ahsoka …” He felt his heart thud. “Tell Rex—tell all of them—that anything less than a full recovery is unacceptable. Tell Rex I—” He had to stop. Obi-Wan was in earshot, and they were not supposed to care so much. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

[Anakin] hit the cockpit canopy switch, fast. “Obi-Wan’s fine, more or less,” he told the anxious droid, firing their fighter’s thrusters. “Ahsoka’s pretty banged up, though. So are Rex and Coric. They’re on their way to Kaliida Shoals.” R2’s mournful whistle said everything Anakin couldn’t … or didn’t want to. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Rex. Coric. Ahsoka. And fourteen dead pilots. Scores more dead and wounded ground troopers. Why can’t we stop this? Why can’t we catch Grievous? Dooku’s only one man. How can he defy the entire Jedi Order? Who is his Sith Master? Why can’t we find him? Day and night the questions ate at him. They ate at Obi-Wan, too, but somehow his former Master seemed able to live without knowing the answers. Or else he was just better at hiding his dismay. His fear. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Anakin did ask himself questions but over 10 years of being told he was wrong does take a toll. And we need to remember Anakin was 19 years old kid pushed into a war by his superiors. A lack of self-analysis, a narrow view of the world and political nativity comes with the package. Anakin *is* concern about slavery but he is a flawed person with his own blind spots. It’s the famous cognitive dissonance we all know so well.

I’m not saying Anakin is right but deference is an important part of the character. Anakin cannot be the sort of person who is too aware of what’s going on around him or else he wouldn’t turn into Vader. He had to be written this way to explain why Vader exists. If Anakin had questioned the Republic’s slave army he wouldn’t have become the Vader knew from the OT. He had to be kind of guy who blinds follows his superiors even against his own self-interest.

#ask-the-almighty-google #ask #anakin skywalker #clone troopers #sw meta #sw quotes #meta: anakin #gffa slavery #gffa politics #jedi order #long post #txt #meta: clones #jedi politics

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lizuouou · 4 years ago

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1:17am

jan/18/21

NewYork NY

Today was interesting. I caught myself off guard by realizing how easily a person can get influenced by another. My cousin and I have been discussing family a lot and it feels guilty because there’s so many mistakes, mess and drama. I feel like I definitely over spilled the beans. I need to learn how to stay civil like this is not the best, I know this because it didn’t feel the best but also that my mom sent me a long paragraph explaining how I need to be mature enough to see a world through my win lens and not always be influenced by others, even if they have more votes, my opinion should be entitled to myself and not bias. Bias is a bitch.

I read about Poland springs and how the water they promise us from the springs of Maine doesn’t even have “a drop of fresh water” and Nestle got a lawsuit worth $5millll like bro serves you right we out here drinking tap water lmaooo are we kidding ourselves? Is it really false advertising? Because the last I remember ain’t nobody getting an entire carton of water for like $4? And the plastic, manufacturing, transport, and resources used to get the water itself probably costs so much more. And we’re being promised fresh water from the springs. But why would they give out fresh water from the springs? Who even are we kidding. Isnt water supposed to be worth much more? I thought there’s a war that’s going to happen on water. Shit’s precious!!!

Either ways, I was so bored that right after I actually opened Omegle. No not for any perverted business but because I just wanted to talk to someone. Anyways I came across an 8 year old who told me her boyfriend probably cheated on her and when I asked what? She said yeah haven’t spoken to him in 2 years. I had to control my laughter so hard and I just said “well if you haven’t talked to him in 2 years chances are he probably talked to someone else.” And now as I write this I realized damn, I just gave a little girl advice way too much for her maybe. She dipped faster than a wizard, b knows Whatsup, confrontational issues and shihhh. Then I came across this 19 year old girl from West Virginia who told me her parents left her with her grandmother along with her two younger siblings. They’re drug addicts. I felt kind of really bad because when I confessed I’m glad I saw her face and not a 40y/o’s dick she laughed and said “I just wanted to talk” and I felt that. We both reached out for our puff bars and simultaneously took turns to spill. She told me her dad doesn’t give a shit. We were so chill, no omg I’m sorry to hear that shit. Because let’s be real, you don’t need to be sorry. This is my life, if anything I just want God to feel sorry. Sorry as in, I’m sorry you is sad :( here are your dreams and goals in your hands ta-da. I wish. I felt bad for the girl, the internet kept twitching so I just closed the tab. An 8 y/o and a 18 y/o girl I’ll never speak to again. She told me so much about herself but we never told each other our names. Just our pain? Her boyfriend was a scum bag. Ex boyfriend. Well, I kept silent because I felt like she was being really open. I will never talk to her again. Feels so weird?

That is our generations summary of emotional connection. Short. Like all the fkn boys in my school in FPS like fam just grow up literally lmao jk. Am I? Nah. Anyways I also ditched a friend so brutally I feel bad. They booked an air bnb in front of Central Park and got food and zaza and everything but I chose to meet my best friend his mom and sister, he knew I’m no way interested in him at all. He’s actually always been this genuine. Man’s took the biggest L for us. While Yaldram, rhyme and i walked to his place, he took out a joint and lit it up. Mind it, ain’t legal. A cop literally took a u turn and Yaldram passed it to him cause he was shutting his pants and this dude said yeah give it to me nothings going to happen. BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED.

the cop showed up and asked if that’s weed and rhyme said yes. Holy shit at this point he stretched his arm out and asked for it again and he said no it’s just weed bro, then he reached out called 4 other cop cars by pressing a button (for backup) and I finally said “just listen to him man”. It was embarrassing, people walking past kept looking. Anyways he took all the blame, honestly I just took one puff and was not onboard with the idea to begin with, not even 3 minutes ago I was reminding them how that’s illegal.

He got a ticket, and then I met Yaldram’s mom for the first time and I think I made it so weird because of all what had just happened, was so anxious but whatever. Met his sister and will meet her again tomorrow even though he won’t be there. That makes me happy. I’m welcomed.

However, it was 11:35 pm and I really had to leave cause metro closes at 12am and I realized now it’s too late to go to the air bnb. I didn’t go for two reasons. 1) it’s an airbnb with one guy and stoned? Yeah kinda not the best situation to put myself in. 2) 1

But I felt really bad, this guy rhyme said nothing. He went full MIA for more than a year and doesn’t speak to anyone and didn’t even get back on social media but reached out to me and met me and actually did all this and at the end said bro it’s no worries I’ll drop you, paid for my metro djdnt even let me Venmo (or give me his # or Venmo) only contacts on insta. I didn’t tell anyone I met him because I have to respect his privacy. I apologized a few hours ago because lastnight I said sorry and just that sorry about the food. Because he ordered food there already. But in the morning he told me that I’m a gem of a person and don’t realize that. Like why are you being so nice to me? I can suspect he has a soft spot for me and I have made boundaries and this friendship completely platonic the moment it happened. And he then told me remember the first time we met? ( I didn’t )

It was 2 years ago at a party where I was crying talking to my ex after 2 years of the break up. And this guy randomly walks upto me asks me if I’m okay and gives me water. Mind you no one in a party gives a fuck. Especially that party. And especially my tears against his. It was politically warm? I don’t even know. So that guy who saw me then, came to surprise me on my 21st birthday from NY with the goodies (so illegal) and then ended up meeting my other ex and Yaldram him and I roamed around Boston. It was fun because of my friends. And I was fkn stoned. But yeah and then he looked at me yesterday at the metro and laughed saying “you’ve grown beautifully” I get ceeped out super fast but with this dude I dont. Everhone (including me) thought he’s bi or gay because every time there’s a good looking man he’d say “wow he’s beautiful” but he’s straight he said and also I realized maybe he just speaks his mind. He asked me of the rumors I heard and I told him it was 1) stealing 2) gay and he was like who tf said I’m gay bro, and then he said the guy in front was cute, and then he said “that’s so gay” and laughed. So see? This is a very unusual man. But I had to be home regardless because a) arham b) 12:35am was a perfect time to be home. I don’t like staying out too late anymore? It feels weird. Unsafe perhaps.

However I apologized properly finally. Explaining myself. Saying that I get defensive when I’m high and that the metro closes at 12am but even though the original plan was Yaldram him and I meeting at the place he booked but Yaldram couldn’t show up so I made us go to him instead and we used the time up in getting him his first ticket and in letting me meet my friend before he goes.

I will never forget this man, he told me two of his best friends died that’s why he’d never want his friends to be in any type of trouble. And you know what’s weird about it all? He literally took all the blame in a heart beat with a calm smiley face and I know he’s the one who’s the real gem because not once did he complain or remove that smile off of his face. There was also supposed to be a surprise there but I won’t know anymore. I didn’t ask either.

Writing this made me realize, I want to live harder. I want to be a gem ( no tickets ) but I want to be a gem in my own eye where I can adore myself and allow others to too, and adore them back. Oh and there was also a drunk girl after the whole popo incident who was so sus she acted drunk and said I look like Ariana grande “petit, long hair, big eyes, trust me girl you’re good” and in my head I thought yikes these are the beauty standards in her head which are normalized and thst made me realize oh no she thinks she isn’t good enough does she? Well I hope she does. But also she was sus just weird, walked with us for so long then disappeared then 14 minutes later found myself again running into her at a grocery store by his house?? And she acted as if she never saw me before so I was like oh...

Anyways it’s 1:54 am and I’m glad I wrote today. I’m glad for today, today I was a little less sadder. Particularly because I complained less, tomorrow I’ll try harder.

The end

1:55am

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cycloptictarot · 6 years ago

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dream person! 1st feedback bc u deserve it so much. Thanks for that! it all makes sense I do sometimes doubt my intuition (even though it turns out to be right). It's true I was confused but things are becoming clearer. 9 of Swords confirms my intuitions on why that happened & that is amazing re the catharsis bc I was thinking I've now accepted how I feel abt my abuser's death when I felt guilty since Jan that I didn't feel sad. These dreams are the most cathartic experience I've ever had tbh

Hi! Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback! It really means so much to me that you are accepting your gift as well! I wish you the best in all of this, and know that you have no reason to feel guilty! 🌺🌷🌺🌷🌺🌷🌺

For your reading I pulled 2 tarot cards. The first is what the purpose of the song he chose was, and the second is how your connection to this spirit is currently. I also pulled an oracle card to clarify!

For what the purpose of the song he chose was, we have Temperance reversed. I feel that this song is actually helping you continue on the path you are on currently. It feels like the more progress you are making, the more will be revealed to you! This is telling me the purpose of this song was to help you face a new perspective in all of this. While you are accepting and acknowledging the singular events that have been weighing on you, (which is wonderful and amazing!! 💚) this song is showing you that it is time to view things as a whole! This is but a portion of what you are working through, but with this new found progress you can now catch a glimpse of the purpose of all of this as a whole! Continue moving forward, and I feel more will be revealed within yourself!

For how your connection is currently, we have the 6 of Swords! This is actually amazing because you recieved this very same card prior! This is a wonderful sign because it is showing you that this visitor is still acting as your guide through all of this. He is happy with the progress you continue to make every day, and with this progress he is beginning to show you more and more! So keep on doing your best everday, and you will continue to see these positive messages!

For your oracle card, we have Ceremony. I feel that you have really reached a major step in all of this. This is a cause for celebration, and showing you that you have made it passed the first major hurdle you needed to face! Be proud of what you have done, and continue with the same enthusiasm you have!

I am so proud of you for all that you have been accomplishing! Your gift is truly wonderful, and I hope that you continue with the successes you have already accomplished! Best wishes! 🌻🌴🌻🌴🌻🌴🌻

If you found this helpful and would like to support me, check out my Ko-fi page! Thank you so much for your time and consideration! 💚🌟💚

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shalnarkonice · 8 years ago

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Nobuvoshal week Day 2/ Jan 7. Prompt: Nomadic (wandering without a permanent home) or overheard conversations (eavesdropping)

There was nothing more interesting in life than a good conversation.

Having made a living on the information contained withing other people’s conversations, be it through text, phone calls, emails, or face to face, hacking into surveillance and gathering intel was one of Shalnarks many skills. Breaking into computer servers had been far too easy, seeing how available modern day technology was.

It was the more risky, hands on missions that gave Shal the most satisfaction. Being able to dress in disguise as he infiltrated people’s houses, or cars, or hotel rooms as he bugged phones and cables always gave him a sense of thrill, but even that buzz had died off.

From being a bellboy, to chef, to hotel help, to cleaning staff, it seemed that the better he got at listening to other people’s conversations, the less interesting it all seemed to be. Extortion and politics were boring. there were only so many things the zodiacs or the mafia or even the kurtas could talk about it, until they became predictable.

It had been a while since shal had purposely listened onto someone’s conversation, and even now he didn’t feel the urge to pry on other people’s business.

He had considered bugging nobunaga and uvogins house phone just to get a better understanding of the men he lived with, but after a few weeks it became all to obvious that their intentions towards helping him were innocent rather than malicious.

It took some time to warm up to the two, but shal had come to realize that nobunaga was just as truthful and hard working as uvogin said he was, and uvogin was as encouraging and forward as nobunaga had claimed him to be.

It seemed that the owners of the tree and shrub florist shop were just mundane, average men trying to make an honest living for themselves.

That was probably the reason why shal couldn’t tear himself from the doorway of the small upstairs apartment where the stairs from the shop below led into the living quarters upstairs. sitting on the second to top step, shals dirty habit of eavesdropping reared it’s ugly head as he could hear uvogins gruff voice just a few feet away.

Shal would have made himself known, but had refrained as soon as he heard Uvogins flower supplier on speaker phone, sounding somewhat concerned, which was odd for the usually monotone grower.

“Are you sure that Nobunaga is as unhappy as you say?” Franklin’s voice rings out, clear enough to be heard.

Uvogin, who was standing behind the kitchen counter doodling on a napkin could only sigh heavily. “I’m telling you klin, Nobu hasn’t had his usual sense of thrill since we moved to yorknew. It’s almost as if he’s gone, ya know, soft?”

“There are many tools a man may use if he is feeling…soft. Has he considered therapy? Or perhaps smoking less? Or even…Viagra?”

Shal palms his hand against his mouth in order to hold in a laugh, the thought of Nobunaga not being able to get stiff (despite being a stick in the mud) was too amusing an idea. Uvogin would never have the balls to talk about nobunaga if the man was around, but seeing how Nobunaga was shopping (and Uvo thought shal was at school), he was left to talk openly with deal ol klin.

Giving a bark of a amusement, Uvogin moves to rummage through the fridge, mulling over the thought. “Nah, I think Nobu is good to go in that department, although between you and me, I don’t think he knows how to use it.”

“There really isn’t much to teach in that regard. one simply unzips himself as inserts it into whichever hole is present at that moment.” Klin deadpans. “unless you are implying nobunaga is a Virgin at thirty three.”

“bingo!” Uvo says with vigor, slamming the fridge shut.

“I need a moment…”

Shalnark had to hold his breath, amazed he was getting such comedic gold without even having to pay. never had shal considered the thought that nobunagas sporadic, and sometimes downright unbearable attitude was a result of not having gotten off in the last two dozen years. hell, wasn’t that what dating sites and strip joints were for? Although it wasn’t like nobunaga was creepy or hideous, so the fact that he had never been with someone was actually shocking once shal actually started to consider it

“Has Nobunaga never brought anyone home?”

Uvo tsks, “never, not for a one night stand or someone he was even remotely interested in. It almost feels like he’s a single father sometimes instead of a young man. The bastard still has this stupid idea in his head that he needs to take care of me, as if I’m not a thirty year old fucker capable of taking care of my own ass.”

Shal turns to lean back against the wall, peering at Uvogin from his perch. Uvogin, in his gym shorts with a towel around his shoulders, was a man more than capable of taking care of himself in any sense of the word. Shal couldn’t imagine nobunaga ever having to baby the giant, especially when Uvogin seemed to be so clever.

“Perhaps nobunaga feels obligated. He has only had you, isn’t that correct?”

Uvogin pauses, placing down his water bottle and biting at his lower lip. “Hmm…I mean…nobu was happy back in japon. he had friends there, people to talk to, coworkers he liked. here it seems that he’s never really met anyone. He doesn’t even consider going to bars to just get out, he rather work. must be a fucking habit he picked up when working at buharas with…” Uvogin freezes.

Franklin doesn’t make a sound, fully expecting uvogin to clarify on what exactly has stumped him.

“Klin, did I ever tell you that in Jappon there was a woman there head over heels for nobunaga?”

“You must have overlooked that tidbit of information.” Franklin says bluntly, “was he interested in her as well?”

It was an interesting idea. although it would make sense why nobunaga was depressed if the woman he loved had been left behind in the move, shal figured.

Uvogin places his palms against the counter, lowering his head, and in turn, his voice. “yeah…I don’t think nobunaga knew about it.”

“That seems difficult to believe seeing how you picked up on the woman’s affections”

“well it was obvious,” Uvogin murmers, “But I never told nobu. I still haven’t and I guess I can’t tell him, because I’m sure he’ll head back to jappon to fix things.”

“You’re willingly withholding information from nobunaga?” klin says to himself, “im slightly shocked at your selfishness.”

“Way to rub salt into the wound, ya bastard,” Uvogin only says half seriously, his face uncharacteristically serious. “im not ready for nobu to leave yet. we just started tree and shrub and we have so much still to do…don’t get me wrong, I feel guilty, but how else am I supposed to react knowing he’d pick a woman over a dream built over a lifetime? I waited for years for Nobunaga to take the hint and realize his feelings, but it never happened, so I decided that maybe it was a sign to leave before something did happen.”

A frown makes its way onto shals face, his eyebrows furrowing in surprise of uvogins actions. it was understandable, but also mean spirited and unlike how uvo usually was. it would have been one thing to tell nobu so he could make a decision for himself, but to completly disregard the situation all together...

“So you think nobunagas unhappiness is my fault?” Uvogin asks quietly, taking the phone and stepping out of the kitchen, heading towards his bedroom. “sometimes klin, I think I’ve always been the problem, and nobunagas been trying to pick up my peices for years.”

Hearing the door click closed, shal pauses before he stands, half tempted to press his ear to uvo’s door, or to enter the room to comfort the man, but that may only insult him.

Shalnark knew that whatever he had just overheard would have to be between uvogin and klin, because at the end of the day, shal was never meant to be there in the hallway listening. and he sure as hell wasn’t meant to hear about uvogins dirty little secret.

Heading back down the stairs with the current conversation in mind, shalnark slips on his shoes and heads out the back door without a sound. Maybe Uvogin was wrong for what he did, but it seemed to be something that nobunaga had no idea about anyways.

“The least I can do then is make nobunaga a dating profile. Maybe if nobunaga gets himself a date he won’t seem so down,” shal mumbles, figuring that if nobu was happily with someone, uvogin wouldn’t feel so hung up about the woman who was once in love with his best friend. at least that secret could die without causing uvogin anymore grief.

now the biggest issue for shalnark was trying to figure out which dating sight to go on, and when would be the best time to sneak a picture of the so called bachelor.

not feeling sure on how he felt about the conversation, shalnark was pretty confident that his eavesdropping days were over.

well, at least for people he knew

strangers, and their secrets, were all fair game after all.

#hxh #sun week #nobu #uvo #shal

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addictionfreedom · 7 years ago

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Cocaine Addict Pictures Before And After

Contents

Alcohol abuse. other significant conditions listed

That shows disturbing before

Because other addicts can share coping

Shocking before and after

Finally kicked his habit after

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The post Cocaine Addict Pictures Before And After appeared first on Freedom From Addiction II.

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

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Blue Neighborhood Series: THE QUIET + DKLA (Jackie-centric) - Mac

AN: Thanks a million for the feedback on this series! It truly means the world to me. Thank you so much, guys. I hope you enjoy this part as much as the previous ones. As always, thanks to the incredible Meggie for putting up with me and beta-ing this work, she is a superstar, send her some love!

Summary: Jackie is doing her best to keep her head above water. But with a stressful home life and a stressful school life, the walls feel like they are closing in.

Jackie was a social floater. She could twist her skin into whatever people wanted her to be. Most of the time they just wanted her to be quiet, sit back and listen to their problems. Which Jackie was fine with. It meant no one was asking about hers.

Jackie’s family life was… complicated to say the least.

Her father and mother both knew she was gay.

But they pretended like they didn’t.

Where they would pester her older brother about girls every chance they got, they sat stone-faced when she mentioned she was taking Gigi to Homecoming. Well, not completely stone-faced. Her father coughed.

Jackie had given up the chance of exploring her sexuality in high school. Content to let bygones be bygones until college. That’s when she would really get to shine. Away from judgment from her peers and parents and teachers. She would be free then.

For now though, she was standing outside Gigi’s door. The younger girl appeared a moment later, long blonde hair up in a high ponytail clad in flared jeans with a crop top that definitely wasn’t up to dress code. Jackie rolled her eyes internally, knowing that there was virtually no way Gigi would get called out on it. She supposed there were just perks to being the skinny white femme of everyone’s dreams.

The two walked in relative silence over to Brita’s house.

Then they walked in relative screaming to school. Brita was going on and on and on about how horrified she was to hear the news and how terrible it was that Jan thought she couldn’t share the sordid details of her personal life with her friends.

Gigi didn’t comment much, other than a small nod of agreement here and there. Jackie just steamed quietly to herself.

She had her own thoughts about the whole endeavor. Which she happily kept to herself, thank you very much. It wasn’t any of their business if Jan was gay. It wasn’t any of their business if she was getting it on with the captain of the varsity basketball team.

Yes, they had been friends since childhood and yes, Jan had been there when Jackie came out, and yes Jackie had told Jan every possible detail about her life because she trusted her. And no, that kind of trust wasn’t easy to come by.

So maybe Jackie was a little confused. A little hurt even.

That must be why she felt so weird.

“Have you seen her at all this week?” Jackie asked, knowing the answer hadn’t changed.

Gigi gave her a weak smile. “Not since Wednesday, no.”

“Is she okay?” Brita asked.

Jackie rolled her eyes. “Well, considering she had the flu last year and came to school anyway to protect her perfect attendance record, I think it’s safe to say no.”

Gigi spoke softly, calmly. “Jacks, I know you’re stressed with the whole Jan thing, but—”

“I’m just tired.” Jackie cut her off. “It has nothing to do with her. I just didn’t sleep well last night.”

Brita and Gigi dropped the subject for now, but Jackie could see on their faces that they didn’t believe her.

Jackie bid her friends adieu at their lockers and headed up the stairs to her own. She tried to shake the feeling of unease that accompanied her, but it wouldn’t dissipate. It sat in her gut and ate at her through the morning. Her classes passed in a haze. At times it felt like she wasn’t even real.

The pit in her stomach only grew as the bell for lunch sounded.

She headed toward the art room, hoping to find some sort of mental reprieve from the strange feeling.

She had no such luck.

Nicky and Crystal were flirt-fighting again. Or at least that was the term Heidi had given it. Nicky would pick something, anything to complain about, and Crystal would evidently rise to the bait and the two would bicker and one of two things would happen. Either they would eventually fall into a fit of giggles, or one of them would say something a little too flirtatious and they both would look away and poorly hide goofy smiles.

It was so sweet it was sickening at times.

Heidi was torturing Aiden by recounting her date with Jacob the other night, going on about how it’s only been three months but she really thinks he’s the one. Normally, Jackie would sit back and laugh. Watch as Crystal and Nicky danced around each other. Watch as Aiden got closer and closer to strangling Heidi with every word.

But today, today she felt like she was drowning. Usually, the art room was too warm in a good way. Cozy even. The breeze from the propped door offering a bit of relief from the stale air. But today it just felt stifling.

Jackie sat and ate in silence, letting her thoughts ruminate over the events of the past few days. The infamous picture. Jan’s weird behavior. Jackie’s weird feelings about Jan’s weird behavior.

“Are you okay, Jackie?”

“Hmm?” Jackie looked up at the sound of her name.

Nicky smiled softly, “I asked if you were okay. You seem quieter than usually.”

“Is it Jan?” Crystal chimed in.

Jackie scoffed, “Why does everyone keep asking me that? Why would Jan have anything to do with—”

“Because you’re in love with her,” Crystal answered simply.

Jackie’s stomach lurched.

Oh fuck.

“I’m not—”

Heidi cut her off, shouting from the other side of the room. “No, girl, don’t lie. You’ve been head over heels for Jan since we could talk.”

Jackie’s brain was still trying to compute. The pit in her stomach felt like it had swallowed her whole and her heart was beating a mile a minute. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe.“But I’m not… not in love with her.”

Her shock must have been apparent, because her friends’ expressions shifted suddenly from condescending to shocked.

“I thought you knew,” Crystal spoke quietly.

“How do you not know you’re in love with someone?” Aiden whispered.

“You’d be surprised,” Heidi murmured back in response.

Crystal elbowed Heidi in the ribs.

“Hey! I didn’t ask-”

“Shut up!” Crystal whisper-shouted. “Clearly she’s going through something and you wanna talk about—”

Jackie didn’t hear the rest of Crystal’s statement; she was too busy focusing on her feet hitting the ground as she ran out of the art room, down the hallway, and through the double doors at the end to gulp the outside air.

It didn’t help.

She still felt sick.

Love.

What a tricky little word.

Farsi has over 80 different ways to say love.

Eighty different ways in a language she had been speaking since birth, and yet Jackie couldn’t wrap her head around a single one that encompassed how she felt about Jan.

Love seemed too pedestrian. Too cliché. Too plain.

Maybe that’s why it never occurred to Jackie that such a simple sounding word could be related to Jan.

Jan wasn’t cliché or plain, the opposite actually.

But Jackie… Jackie was simple. She was cliché. So cliché in fact that she had apparently fallen for her straight best friend like the stupid lesbian stereotype she so tried to keep herself from becoming.

So she guessed it made sense.

Jackie shook her head to clear it. And when that didn’t work, she found her eyes searching her surroundings for anything else to focus on. Her gaze landed on two familiar faces in the distance.

Dahlia and Bryce sat close together under the bleachers. Jackie went to turn away, to shield her eyes from whatever shenanigans they were getting up to, when she noticed the open books in their laps.

Dahlia was pointing to a paragraph and talking with her hands. Bryce nodded along. He said something Jackie couldn’t make out and Dahlia nodded excitedly. She continued pointing out different sections of the textbook and Bryce went on to ask questions.

It looked like she was… tutoring him.

Huh.

Jackie couldn’t help her morbid curiosity, so she approached the two as quietly as she could. She ducked under the bleachers and inched ever closer to the pair until she could make out what they were saying.

“So, what you’re saying is I’m stupid and all I had to do was flip the fraction?” Bryce asked.

“Exactly,” Dahlia said.

Bryce chuckled and tried to sound offended, “Hey, you weren’t supposed to agree with that first part!”

Dahlia shook her head and barely hid a smile. “It ain’t about agreeing, it’s just facts. You pretty stupid. You lucky I’m not.”

“I really am,” Bryce said genuinely. Dahlia looked up to meet his eyes and Jackie could see something brimming under the surface. “I feel like I don’t thank you enough for this. But I really appreciate it.”

Dahlia broke eye contact with him and waved her hand as if to break the tension, “Yeah, yeah, I heard it before, you wanna impress your girl.”

So that’s what this was about. He wanted to be good enough for Jan.

And dammit if that thought didn’t hit Jackie in the chest. She knew the feeling.

Bryce sighed and ran his hand through his unkempt hair. “She’s really fucking pissed at me right now.”

“I would be too.” Dahlia nodded. “If you were my mans and I saw you comin’ back from somewhere with the school slut, I wouldn’t be too happy either.”

Bryce winced at her words. “Don’t say that.”

Dahlia gave a bitter laugh. “It’s true. They see you coming from the bleachers with the whole football team and assume you sleeping with ‘em.”

Jackie tried to inch closer but completely missed the giant tree branch right in front of her. She caught her foot on it, which caused her to trip and fall, letting out a curse as she hit the rough ground.

Dahlia and Bryce looked over at her with wide eyes and had the decency to even look a bit guilty. Dahlia was the first to come back to herself, snatching up her backpack and practically sprinting back into the school building.

Bryce lingered and offered a hand to help Jackie up, which she took gratefully.

The two stared at each other a moment. It seemed like Bryce wanted to say something, but he ultimately shook his head and settled for, “Hey, Jackie.”

“Hey, Bryce,” Jackie said.

Bryce coughed to try and break the sudden awkward tension and motioned to the still open text book behind him. “I’m not cheating on her.”

“I know,” Jackie said simply.

She never thought he would. Bryce wasn’t cheating. Didn’t have the brain power to cope with the guilt that came with cheating.

“Dahlia and I were—”

Jackie cut him off, “Studying, I know. I saw.”

“Can you tell her? Jan?” he asked, a hint of desperation creeping into his words. “I’ve been trying to call her but she won’t answer.”

Jackie shook her head. “She’s not answering me either.”

Bryce looked shocked. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Jackie said simply, suddenly fighting back tears.

“But you guys are…” He trailed off.

Yeah. Jackie wanted to say. Yeah, they were. And they had been that way for so long that now, now that they weren’t, she didn’t know what to do or think or how to breathe.

Bryce just stood there. Looking at her.

Jackie just stood there. Looking back.

Until he rallied the courage to ask what she knew he had wanted to ask since they had locked eyes.

“You think it’s her? In the picture?” Bryce asked.

Jackie nearly screamed.

“No,” she answered truthfully.

She didn’t think it was Jan. Hadn’t even considered the possibility that it could be Jan until Wednesday. And even then, Jackie still couldn’t wrap her mind around it because Jan was straight. And Jan was Jan.

But even still, Jackie couldn’t stop her mind from running away with the alternative. The alternative being that it was Jan in the picture.

And that alternative made Jackie’s stomach twist up like a balloon animal.

“Me either,” Bryce spoke softly, pulling Jackie from her thoughts.

The two sat in relative silence for a few more moments before Jackie mentioned that they probably should be heading back.

Practice after school went about as well as expected, with Jackie, Brita, Gigi, and the rest of the seniors taking turns leading the team through exercises and routines. Jackie couldn’t help but pick up on the feeling of defeat. They had already been pushing their luck with one flyer down and no coach, but now that Jan wasn’t there it just felt hopeless.

Jackie asked her mother later that night if they were coming to regionals.

Her father coughed and her mother danced around the word ‘no’ for half an hour or so.

Jackie just rolled her eyes at her mother’s antics. Taarof, the Persian word and Iranian principle of not saying what you truly mean, but the group understanding what is actually being expressed. Her mother meant no, but she never said it outright.

By the time Jackie finished dinner and her homework, it was nearly midnight. She sighed at her clock and willed that it would turn back. Willed that it would turn so far back that it would undo whatever weird spell she seemed to be under.

She had no such luck as the clock ticked on and on, and Jackie’s mind only got more cluttered. After twenty minutes of staring at her ceiling and praying that her mind would empty, Jackie gave in. She grabbed her car keys from the kitchen counter and left her house without a second thought.

Jackie got in her car and just sat for a moment. She stared at the radio and the steering wheel and when she blinked, she was outside Jan’s house, not remembering having driven the short distance across the street.

It was raining, Jackie noted after a minute, pretty hard actually, and if Jackie were in her right mind, she would worry about how her tires really needed replacing because she kept hydroplaning. But Jackie clearly wasn’t in her right mind because before she could think too hard, she was calling Jan.

The younger girl finally picked up after the third call.

“Come outside,” Jackie said firmly.

Jan sighed, and it spoke volumes. “Jacks-”

“Please.” Jackie startled herself with how broken her own voice sounded.

She heard Jan inhale slightly on the other end before she hung up.

Not a moment later, the blonde’s head appeared, and she ran from her front door to Jackie’s car, holding the back of her jacket up to shield herself from the rain. She threw open Jackie’s car door and settled down in the passenger seat. If it were any other day, Jackie would lament about her seats getting ruined, but with Jan sitting beside her, hair thrown up in a messy bun with no makeup and not a trace of a smile on her face, Jackie really couldn’t give a damn about her seats.

Jan sat in her passenger seat and just looked at her for a moment, taking her in almost.

“Hey,” Jan said finally.

Jackie’s heart hammered in her chest, as it normally did when Jan was around. Only now she recognized the pounding for what it truly was.

“Hey.”

I love you. Jackie thought.

Jan sighed and broke eye contact.“I’m sorry everything has been so crazy recently.” She looked back over to Jackie. “I’ve just not been feeling well, but I promise I’ll be back soon, and the team has my full attention and I—”

Jackie stopped her, “You don’t have to explain anything, okay?”

I love you. Jackie thought.

Jan nodded and opened her mouth to speak, but Jackie cut her off again.

“But don’t lie to me and act like everything’s fine.”.

Jan looked down at her feet on the floorboards, then to the window where the rain was making patterns on the glass.

Jackie didn’t know what else to say. So she just drove.

She drove and drove and drove and let her hands and feet do the thinking. Traffic was light, the rain was heavy, and the silence in the car was loud. They passed stores they used to spend all day window shopping at, houses of their classmates that they didn’t talk to now, the old library they never got any studying done at, the roller rink where Jan broke her arm, the neighborhood basketball courts they used to lay on until the sun disappeared and the ground got too cold.

They drove for so long that Jackie surprised even herself when she came to a stop.

She looked up and realized she was in their school parking lot. It was empty, save for the lone golf cart in the far parking space.

Jackie unbuckled her seatbelt, driven by some force that she couldn’t all together name. She opened her car door as the wind and rain beat against it.

“What are you—”

Jackie didn’t wait to hear the rest of Jan’s question, instead focusing on her steps, careful and measured as she got a good distance away from her car before letting her mind shut down and her body recoil as she let out a long and impossibly high scream.

The storm around her did a good job at mostly covering the intensity of her voice, but Jan still heard and came running at the sound.

“Jacks, are you okay?” Jan had to practically shout to be heard over the storm.

Jackie shook her head. “No,” she answered as honestly as she was able. “But that felt damn good.”

Jan looked at her concerned. “You can’t do that you’re gonna—”

Jackie cut her off with another ear-shattering scream.

Jan’s entire body winced at the sound, but Jackie could see something in her eyes simmering just under the surface. A fire. Envy almost.

“C’mon, give it a try,” Jackie yelled over the thunder crashing closer than before.

Jan shook her head. “I’m not gonna—”

Jackie screamed again. This time feeling her throat constrict and the sound fighting to get out. She sounded crazy. Broken and insane but Jackie swore she had never felt more alive than she did right now.

“Jackie!” Jan scolded.

Jackie just screamed again, louder, and couldn’t help the manic smile from spreading across her face. For the first time since they had known each other, Jackie felt her chest lighten in Jan’s presence. She felt a weight being lifted like she could finally breathe.

Jackie looked over to Jan who still looked hesitant, but after a firm nod from Jackie, Jan let out her own scream. It wasn’t nearly loud enough in Jackie’s opinion. And she said as such.

“Louder! You’re a singer you can do better!”

Jan shook her head and Jackie could barely make out a bitter laugh Jan gave at the notion. Jackie just shrugged and opened her mouth to yell again, when Jan stopped her with a hand. “Fine, I’ll do it. Just give me a second!”

Jackie mimed looking at a watch that didn’t exist and Jan bit her cheek to hide a smile.

Jan let out another scream, louder this time, a bit more unhinged.

It still wasn’t right.

Jackie walked closer to Jan so that she didn’t have to shout as loudly as before. “Everything that’s happened,” Jackie said, breathing heavily, “everything that’s made you fucking crazy, this week or your whole life, channel it. Right now. Let it out.”

Jan nodded her head in understanding.

Then she let out a scream so loud, Jackie swore the lights at the football stadium should have popped. She let out a scream so powerful Jackie was surprised she wasn’t knocked back by the force. She let out a scream so guttural that Jackie’s heart nearly broke in two at the sound.

Jan looked up at Jackie with wide eyes, shocked by her own pain almost.

Jackie just beamed at her. “That’s more like it,” she chuckled.

After the initial shock passed, Jan could stop from falling into a fit of laughter. Jackie couldn’t help but do the same.

They spent an immeasurable amount of time laughing and jumping around like idiots in the rain until a flash of lightning struck a bit too close for comfort. They screamed at the proximity and bolted to the car, still laughing and out of breath.

They collapsed in the seats and fell into another round of giggles until their stomachs tired and their jaws ached.

Jackie looked over at Jan, with her head thrown back against the car seat, mouth upturned for the first time in what felt like ages, and Jackie’s heart soared in her chest.

And for a brief second, Jackie thought that maybe, just maybe, everything was going to turn out fine.

#rpdr fanfiction #jackie cox #jan sport #gigi goode #brita filter #nicky doll #crystal methyd #high school au #cisgirl au #lesbian au #angst #hurt/comfort #blue neighborhood series #the quiet + dkla #mac #s12

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thetrumpdebacle · 7 years ago

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Unburdening guilt she’s felt for allowing former Olympic doctor Larry Nassar to treat her daughter, a mother stood in a Michigan courtroom on Tuesday and unleashed her anger on the physician she says hurt her “most precious gift.”

Interested in Larry Nassar Trial?

Add Larry Nassar Trial as an interest to stay up to date on the latest Larry Nassar Trial news, video, and analysis from ABC News.

The mother, Anne Swinehart, also blasted some media outlets for casting blame on parents like her for missing signs of the assaults Nassar concealed while treating their children — even while many of them were in the examination room as they were taking place.

Victim Mattie Larson speaks at the sentencing hearing for Larry Nassar, a former team USA Gymnastics doctor who pleaded guilty in November 2017 to sexual assault charges, in Lansing, Mich., Jan. 23, 2018.

“I cannot speak for what my daughter is going through. I can only speak for what I am experiencing,” Swinehart said in Ingham County Circuit Court in Lansing shortly after her 15-year-old gymnast daughter, Jillian, gave her victim impact statement on the sixth day of Nassar’s sentencing hearing.

“I took my most precious gift to you and you hurt her physically, mentally and emotionally. And she was only 8,” Swinehart said, breaking into tears. “I will never get rid of the guilt that I have about that experience. I know that it is not my fault. It is the fault of Dr. Nassar. It is the fault of every institution that listened, but did not act.”

She recalled the agony she felt when her daughter told her of the perverted acts Nassar perpetrated on her “hundreds of times” under the pretense of conducting legitimate medical procedures to treat her injuries.

Brendan McDermid/Reuters

Victim Brianne Randall speaks at the sentencing hearing for Larry Nassar, a former team USA Gymnastics doctor who pleaded guilty in November 2017 to sexual assault charges, in Lansing, Mich., Jan. 23, 2018.

“I cannot help but think how did I miss the red flags? How is it that I misinterpreted your intent so wrongly?” she told Nassar. “I wanted my daughter to get better, to achieve her dreams to participate in and succeed in the sport she loved. Instead, by trusting you, I watched her sink into a girl who is sad and humiliated and afraid to trust.”

Swinehart said that even after Jillian told her of Nassar’s inappropriate treatments, she tried to rationalize the doctor’s procedures.

She said she seethes at the thought that Nassar assaulted her daughter “while I sat there in your office, in your home.”

“I thought that you were massaging my daughter to help her sore, broken body, and the whole time you were assaulting her,” Swinehart said. “To look back and remember her grimacing in pain and to now know that it was not a knotted muscle to cause that … how can a mother ever forgive. The burden that I will carry from this is bigger than any sentence that you are facing.”

She took aim at media outlets that have publish stories “shaming and blaming” parents for not figuring out what Nassar was doing to their children.

“Trust me, you would not have known,” she said.

Nearly 140 victims have given statements or had statements read on their behalf in the days-long hearing, all asking Judge Rosemarie Aquilina to give Nassar the maximum punishment.

Among the victims who have spoken in court are Olympic gymnastic stars and medalists Aly Raisman, Jordyn Wieber, McKayla Maroney and Jamie Dantzcher. All have accused the USA Gymnastics Association, the U.S. Olympic Committee and Michigan State University — where Nassar was a sports medicine doctor for more than 20 years — of knowing about the serial assaults for years, but doing nothing to stop them.

Nassar pleaded guilty in November to sexually assaulting seven girls, but Aquilina is allowing many more victims to speak in court. Nassar faces 40 to 125 years in prison when Aquilina finally sentences him.

Matthew Dae Smith/Lansing State Journal via USA Today Network

Jillian Swinehart addresses Larry Nassar during the sixth day of victim impact statements in Ingham County Circuit Court in Lansing, Mich., Jan. 23, 2018.

He has already been sentenced to 60 years in prison after pleading guilty to federal child pornography charges and has been accused of sexual misconduct by more than 125 women and girls in civil lawsuits.

“Larry, my coaches and USA Gymnastics turned the sport I fell in love with as a kid into my personal living hell,” Mattie Larson said as she gave her victim impact statement Tuesday.

A former US National Team gymnast, who earned a silver medal in team competition at the 2010 World Championships, Larson, 25, said Nassar began molesting her when she was 14.

“I simply cannot get myself to consider you as a real doctor,” she told Nassar.

She recounted how Nassar once cleared her to participate in gymnastics only for her to later learn from another doctor that she had a fractured leg.

“You’re priority should have been my health, yet your priority was solely to molest me,” she said.

Brianne Randall also spoke and said Nassar sexually assaulted her in 2004 when she was 17. She said she immediately reported him to the Meridian Township, Michigan, Police Department and even submitted to a rape kit.

“You had audacity to tell [police] I misunderstood the treatment because I was not comfortable with my body,” Randall told Nassar. “Sadly, they took your word instead of mine.”

Angela Povilaitis, the assistant attorney general of Michigan, told Judge Aquilina that the Meridian Township Police Department paid to fly Randall to Michigan from her home in Seattle so she could face Nassar in court.

“I wasn’t afraid of you then,” Randall told Nassar, “and I’m sure as hell not afraid of you now.”

via The Trump Debacle

#IFTTT #The Trump Debacle

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be21zh · 8 years ago

Text

sync with woz's new school term.

Feb 27, 2017

dreamt 2 or 3 my privileged senior middle school alumni, Zhu Zehua, who's technical subjects usually score quite high, and some others long time no see. we corporate and compete to produce rebellion weapons. we also compete intelligently. we passed my hometown dam, spring well with crowd among which we escape enemy's hunting. this week a bit sad. gay in neighbor dorm room desperate stalks me. surveillances my usage of toilet and follows to shit and leave it unflushed. the sickened soul pretends coughing for quite some time and he should dies in illness. my son's mom, the small bitch also tried her best to challenge me. they mimic my son's monthly cinema day and invited her mom to go cinema the night before my gathering day with my son. all her knowledge is outdated and poor quality but still she day by day gathering pupils at her house for tuition. one of her girl friend whose father lent me camera when my son given birth at hospital found some old photos of my son in the hospital agrees to send me those precious photos but now hold back by the bitch, son's mom, for a bargain. my son yesterday irritated me and I had to give him a lesson. we previously agreed that our new broadband was a bliss holy and we should make good usage. but on Sunday when I went to see him, he even didn't power on broadband router in his house, but just reading paper book of rephrased Chinese classic, A Dream of RED Mansions. I went mad with his ignorance. I show brutal violent threat and scorned him for near half hour in cause of his failing VPN and system update. I didn't mean hurts but remind him his work, his future indispensable with high tech including internet, while his mom and his grandma actually not equipped it, for their cheap work mainly related with primitive tools. my son show resolve when we went for lunch and shower, even after I bought him extra fruits. on way returning to my dorm, I pray God to let it the hard time for us to defeat, to slaughter our enemies by hand and will. I beg Holy rewards us thicker after the adversity and allow us to stick out of the dark curtain and smile. in the night I felt guilty upon my son, and boring and sad for shopping online. I bought my son a spring trousers with cellphone pocket. I also ordered myself one but run out of money. so I entreated my kid brother to pay. but the contemptible man enlist my phone number into his blacklist to evade confrontation with me. God, let me remember the revengeful shame sinful people insult us, the glorious One. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain the eastern Asia. bring me sooner Asoh Yukiko, my Crowned Queen from Japan for peace among our heritage, our once more glory cover half pacific ocean. grant us memories of retaliation.

Feb 16, 2017

the day before yesterday I worked overnight. then yesterday I felt inspiration in ladies fulfilled my heart. I admire them so much, and sympathetic to their pleasure seeking and concerns while none of them lives in my life in past decade. in the night I dreamt first played with kids. then among a kindergarten, I with my men with shotguns played with kids crossword puzzle. we shoot to answer. then I likely a royal captain of firearm brigade, operated them in war field where fire distance matters. after wake up I wonder the small figure in dream is Napoleon, who relentless with war fire till saw his own failure and death after challenge Russian, the iced land. I saw relentless love attempts for his concerned, esp women in his life, in prescribed relief of embrace of death against doomed premature failure. I felt dizzy after morning alarm. even breakfast in canteen is satisfying, I still trying finding nap after settle here my workload. last afternoon bankcomm clearance crew buzzed in, show their interest to interview. there is nothing new in their probation. they impotently demanded me return at once my credit debt of ￥10000 while It clearly out of possibility in my situation, in which recent 3 months steadily returning, ￥2000 paid every salary day. in the mid after found their only aim is to intimidate me, I claimed they incapable to negotiate with me, for there is nothing valuable or granting policy in their holding card, so I arbitrarily quit the conversation. my work space just resumed, I enjoyed my favorite Chinese podcasts, and Amazon prime video in the rest of the day. God dad, last Monday after my ICBC monthly credit statement revealed ￥700 left under account, I immediately renew zhone 19th domain, billingzhu.com for my 2nd son, to its longest life span, 5 years for ￥511. dad God, there is only one thing unfinished in 2016 as annual, woz's 12 domains renewal. grant us financial freedom to do the job. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain my offspring. bring Asoh Yukiko, my Crowned Queen from Japan, to home my new family. bring 2017 new monument for ever growing mission to revitalize eastern Asia, for the grace and persistent commitment of Chinese and Japanese for thousand years forged in Ming Dynasty under my ancestor's title, Zhu's. thx dad God, for the snowing night yesterday and this morning so quiet in sober.

Feb 10, 2017

dreamt of complicated time space pair. after 2 busy days at dorm, heat gathered in central China gradually melt. my nose ran water a lot, and shit softly, too. last night I perceived erotic dream drove by full sperms, but in fact I didn't wet last night. rather, in dream I got insight of time-space tangle. I saw a dynasty broke down and lots of strange behaviors, like soldier don't know who to obey, court women don't know how to survive in riot era. I saw my Nankai alumni went class while I drift wild. I saw when time dissolves, events in space can be floating around, losing their sequence. the result and the cause in different time location can't be replaced, otherwise there will be forecast, in time travel paradox. these days hard economy again pestered me. I only gain a much shrinked ￥3000 in 2016 as year end bonus from QRRS, my once and long time employer, comparing near ￥7000 in 2015. a policy gain, aid for poor staff, ￥1000 offered to me by labor union. I handed over to dorm canteen at once, and next day I had to borrow ￥200 again for living expense. now I have debt ￥1000 to local contacts, and my anual renewal of zhone domains yet complete. ￥2000 will do the job like a breeze. then again every month I will fight for dinning out twice a week with my son woz for gathering, and my pills will add another ￥100. in the 3rd hometown flight tour, I almost broke up with my kid brother who contempts me and cheats me into endless waiting his aid. now my salary, at its best around ￥3000, barely afford our lifestyle including credit debt penalty. but, God, how I lucky in such failing economy maintaining such a small burden of investment! and watch the grand produce of my endeavour and willful. God, dad, I see so many affirmatives in holy message. please firmly attach me onto faith of Christian. bring me sooner my Royal China to fasten the falling treasure. bring me Asoh Yukiko to put together the Empire dream and stipulation. grant me financial independence to safeguard our startup so strong online.

Jan 31, 2017

the night before yesterday I gave my son a lesson, for he too open and vulnerable upon cheap offers. this night I felt blessed when we ready to sleep. I first dreamt in art college saw many students and computers running a software likely robohelp or tin?in. its a series tools including 3d modeling, illustration, and presentation. in dream I felt glad to fetch my pastime skill and sharpen them. I felt that would more or less let me more energetic. then in my hometown village, facing neighbor village there are 2 modern office malls where once rice field. many small companies rent space there and share introduction multimedia, project management or progress report online there. I still dwelling on the robohelp and thought about app as service, or the functions of presentation. I tried hard to sync our data or put our running data into the app. the detail of program very lengthy in dream, even cross the intervene of getting up to pee. 2 days ago I finally got informed that our train ticket booked, after more than 60000 times bidding online by our travel agency, ctrip.com. so last unease resolved and we really needn't hurry, just as holy affirmed. my son once repulsive upon my teasing infant of my nephew's, a 16 month old boy, after I told him why I glad to help infant with empowering them with full heart support, he forgave me and I thankful for his considerate. his willful pal, the grandson of my 2nd elder sister, also quit hijacking my son with all flattery. I also openly talked about fault of my 2nd elder sister whose family less attractive and colder in heart, with her husband and daughter-in-law. the daughter-in-law is a slim tall woman with adorable configure and I tried to help her when she loathe to chores. I hope they don't pitfall like some of my relatives. after all, we are family from my passed grand father, God in heaven now. this is a sunny morning with clouds. hopeful it will more shiny later. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China to home my offspring, to guest my concerned. bring me financial independence to liberate some of my relatives trapped in wrong idea and habit. grant me adequate fund to renew our domains, the last task unfilled upon new year 2017.

LOFTER：riveryog, 旎宫嘉坊 http://ift.tt/2m0DCJP

#riveryog #旎宫嘉坊 #sync with woz's new school term.

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chinad · 8 years ago

Text

woz spring school term starts first day.

Feb 27, 2017

dreamt 2 or 3 my privileged senior middle school alumni. Zhu Zehua, who's technical subjects usually score quite high, and some others long time no see. we cooperate and compete to produce rebellion weapons. we also compete intelligently. we passed my hometown dam, spring well with crowd among which we escape enemy's hunting. this week a bit sad. gay in neighbor dorm room desperate stalks me. surveillances my usage of toilet and follows to shit and leave it unflushed. the sickened soul pretends coughing for quite some time and he should dies in illness. my son's mom, the small bitch also tried her best to challenge me. they mimic my son's monthly cinema day and invited her mom to go cinema the night before my gathering day with my son. all her knowledge is outdated and poor quality but still she day by day gathering pupils at her house for tuition. one of her girl friend whose father lent me camera when my son given birth at hospital found some old photos of my son in the hospital agrees to send me those precious photos but now hold back by the bitch, son's mom, for a bargain. my son yesterday irritated me and I had to give him a lesson. we previously agreed that our new broadband was a bliss holy and we should make good usage. but on Sunday when I went to see him, he even didn't power on broadband router in his house, but just reading paper book of rephrased Chinese classic, A Dream of RED Mansions. I went mad with his ignorance. I show brutal violent threat and scorned him for near half hour in cause of his failing VPN and system update. I didn't mean hurts but remind him his work, his future indispensable with high tech including internet, while his mom and his grandma actually not equipped it, for their cheap work mainly related with primitive tools. my son show resolve when we went for lunch out and shower, even after I bought him extra fruits. on way returning to my dorm, I pray God to let it the hard time for us to defeat, to slaughter our enemies by hand and will. I beg Holy rewards us thicker after the adversity and allow us to stick out of the dark curtain and smile. in the night I felt guilty upon my son, and boring and sad for shopping online. I bought my son a spring trousers with cellphone pocket. I also ordered myself one but run out of money. so I entreated my kid brother to pay. but the contemptible man enlist my phone number into his blacklist to evade confrontation. God, let me remember the revengeful shame sinful people insult us, the glorious One. bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain the eastern Asia. bring me sooner Asoh Yukiko, my Crowned Queen from Japan for peace among our heritage, our once more glory covers half pacific ocean. grant us memories of retaliation.

Feb 16, 2017

Feb 10, 2017

Jan 31, 2017

spring snow in Qiqihar where the center of future territory of eastern Asia stands fautless. here snow scene of QRRS Dorm.

via Blogger http://ift.tt/2m0vMjn

#Blogger #AsohYukiko #dream #God #life #love #benzillar #benzrad

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be21zh · 8 years ago

Link

Feb 27, 2017

Feb 16, 2017

Feb 10, 2017

Jan 31, 2017

spring snow in Qiqihar where the center of future territory of eastern Asia stands fautless. here snow scene of QRRS Dorm.

#IFTTT #Blogger #technicolormoments #blog #blog post #benzillar #benzrad.us

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