#in other news: I have officially completed every book I absolutely WANTED to get to THIS YEAR!

[cultivating-wildflowers]

Alphabet Book Titles!

For the second year in a row, I've completed a challenge to myself to read one new-to-me book title for every letter of the alphabet. The only reread present is the "X" title, because there simply aren't enough of those for me to read a subpar title for the sake of a challenge.

For the tricky letters: "Y" and "U" both appeared by happy accident; I had "Z" and "Q" titles on my shelf at the beginning of the year and DNF'd both, then spent too long trying to find substitutes; and for some reason "H", "M", and "T" all gave me some difficulty. But I got there in the end.

NOTE: This list contains the first title I finished for each letter. As such, this is not strictly a list of recommendations (though by and large I enjoyed all of these).

Are Women Human? by Dorothy L. Sayers (January)

The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown (September)

The Children of Húrin by J.R.R. Tolkein (June)

Dorothy and Jack: by Gina Dalfonzo (March)

Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett (January)

The Food Explorer: The True Adventures of the Globe-Trotting Botanist Who Transformed What America Eats by Daniel Stone (July)

Guardian by Cathy McCrumb (April)

Heidi by Johanna Spyri (August)

In the Forests of Serre by Patricia McKillip (September)

Jonathan Strange and Mr Norell by Susanna Clarke (August)

The King of Elfland's Daughter by Lord Dunsany (August)

Lion of Liberty: Patrick Henry and the Call to a New Nation by Harlow Giles Unger (May)

A Morbid Taste for Bones by Ellis Peters (July)

A Natural History of Dragons by Marie Brennan (March)

Od Magic by Patricia A. McKillip (September)

The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis (February)

Q's Legacy by Helene Hanff (December)

The Republic of Pirates by Colin Woodard (October)

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadaveres by Mary Roach (January)

Time Travelling with a Hamster by Ross Welford (August)

The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, Vol 1 by Beth Brower (August)

The Vanderbeekers of 141st Street by Karina Yan Glaser (July)

A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking by T. Kingfisher (January)

Xenocide by Orson Scott Card (my only reread; May)

Yours from the Tower by Sally Nichols (September)

Zero G by Dan Wells (October)

[myeagleexpert]

𝕸𝖞 𝕳𝖔𝖑𝖞 𝕷𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙

Yandere ex bad boy x reader When a former bad boy gets out of prison and finds you, the light of his life, he decides he would never let you go again.

cw: delusional yandere, creppy, clingy, no use of yn, reader is stressed and doesn't love yandere but is with him just because he's a stress reliever, the straight-laced girl gets involved with an ex badboy, use of pet names “princess , love”, stalking, insecurity, thoughts of getting married, beginning of a relationship, religious themes at the beginning (youth meeting), very soft at the beginning because the longer you stay together the more he develops an obsession.

"I will marry you". You would be grateful to hear this from a long-term relationship….but hearing this on the first day of your first official relationship?? Who would have the audacity to ask you that??

Marc, your new boyfriend. He is of average height, with shaved hair and thin. You met him by inviting him to a youth meeting at your church, and since he wanted to embrace his new good guy phase, he clearly went. And it wouldn't take long for you to regret that decision.

Marc is strangely strange, like a criminal in interrogation, already anticipating the argument he would have with the lawyer. He has an anxious look on his face every time you meet, and the pressure he has placed on his shoulders to be the “perfect boyfriend” requires him to be honest with you. Everyone knows and feels that pleasant and cozy atmosphere when a couple gets to know each other more and more, opening up little by little, leaving themselves vulnerable to the person their heart burns so much but…. I don't want to ruin this phase, but… he opened up about his past and it totally changed your image of him. How messing with delinquent people influenced him, how he left his family and ran away from home, how his other two serious relationships were toxic and abusive and hurt him psychologically, how he spent time in jail when they caught him with drugs , how he abandoned the will to live….

Until he met you and everything changed.

“You are the light of my life” “I only see my future by your side”

Of all the years he appeared in your life, he appeared just when you were killing yourself studying for a place at the college of your dreams! How much sacrifice! So much pressure! So much stress! The year you followed an intense study routine and practically isolated yourself from the world to study was the year he appeared…as a distraction.

You were so stressed that you needed a distraction on your side. After all, you need to live your youth too, don’t you? It won't be anything serious, you don't have time for that princess, it will just be a momentary relief, just a little flig.

Not if it's up to him.

In fact, you "met" in high school, from different classes, he uses and insists on this argument every time you say that you haven't known each other long enough. "But we never spoke….". "But we talked through our eyes!" You swear you can count on the fingers of your left hand how many times you've actually seen him.

Upon leaving the cold and degrading prison and feeling completely lost, he prayed to the heavens about what direction to ask for in life and coincidentally your profile appeared on his Instagram!

"As soon as I saw your profile, I knew you were different and would change my life" he tells the story of how he met his precious girlfriend for the millionth time, with the same dreamy sigh as always.

He spent 8 months just observing you, what you like and what you don't like, following you, your friends and family on all social networks, he discovered your favorite books and read each one of them trying to be the one you admire most, he discovered where you buy your favorite perfumes and bought the ones you liked the most, to know how you felt and all that… thrown out the window. Because every time Marc looks at you, he forgets everything, the world goes blank and his focus is absolutely you.

He forgets the beautiful words he thought when he was going home, he forgets the way the heartthrob in his book convinced the girl to give him an innocent kiss on the cheek, or how he rehearsed in the mirror how to hold her hand and kiss her without looking so awkward, Marc forget that he has to breathe to continue living but frankly he prefers to be in your air, breathe your oxygen. He also forgets that he had other relationships and shouldn't be so nervous around you.

“Then I said-…hey, I can feel your gaze from here.” “Am I staring at you a lot?? Aah sorry, you’re so beautiful that I couldn’t resist.” he says while kissing your cheek and interrupting anything that would come out of your mouth.

Marc desires to be a devoted follower of his goddess, you. But most of the time it fails miserably. He is in such a trance that he forgets everything and even though the eyes of a passionate puppy that he looks at you with seem cute, you are not guilty of feeling offended. He forgets your favorite place to go out, he forgets your favorite snack, he forgets that sweets make you feel calmer in tpm, he forgets that you canceled a date and gets sulky afterwards blaming you, he forgets that you have bigger goals clear and more important than him and most importantly, he forgets that you have a life before him and whenever you mention an ex-boyfriend he's like "What do you mean you had a boyfriend before me? Who is he? Why did they break up?" So that I don't make the same mistakes he did so that I find him and threaten him to never even look at him again.

and for you so I can make you feel guilty for still having his contact so it's just me and you in the world

Marc is strangely strange, have you ever seen a bear hiding behind a lamp post? So is his jealousy. His blood boils every time you mention a name that isn't his, his body screams mine mine mine, to possessively squeeze your waist and his mouth kisses you until the princess's stressed little head forgets that useless name what you just said after all, I'm the one next to you and I bet he can't make you feel good like I do but…. he hides it well, sometimes, when he forces it. But it's so fking hard to disguise it!

"I met a friend of mine today" "Friend, what friend? A man?" "Then he said- "But wait, love - sorry to interrupt you - since when and where have you known him?" Wasn't this friend of yours on his list where he came from? "I met him in my first year of high school, love, he moved away after that, and I met him again now" " And you hugged him? "Of course, like I do with everyone-" "whyyyyyy?" “Marc he’s my friend and-” “And do you remember his name?”- He asked something simple but that had a strong and heavy meaning behind it.

the name. the name is something so simple but so important, isn’t it?

In a random dawn, he realized that the little princess didn't remember people's names very well and when asked, you replied “They're not important to me, just some extras interacting with me” and while you sleepy laughed at theory made on the spot, his heart squeezed as he remembered that you often forgot his name too.

I'm not so important that you remember my name?

In a random dawn, you told him that you had had other relationships before him, but you never felt anything for them, so you ended it and left and forgot about them. Others, which were hidden and you did crazy things in love for them, regretted them and never saw them again. And that he was your first official boyfriend, the first you took home, the first you took to meet your parents and family, the first you took to your hiding place in the house. He. But as quickly as pride filled his heart, his mind fed the uncertainties and insecurities that keep him awake at night.

Would you live love adventures with him too? Would you regret loving him? Do you have feelings for him or is it a one-sided relationship? Would you forget about him? Would you trade it for one night? Would you… leave?

Marc is so strangely strange that he sometimes blurts out strange and chilling phrases every time you try to subtly open his eyes about the relationship, and in his head they are sweet and romantic, passionate and sincere declarations always sealing the promise with kisses and hugs that are increasingly hard and possessive, but they are red signs in your eyes that something is wrong.

“I don’t know if I could handle that either.” You said as you casually gossiped about a breakup between a couple you saw on the internet, without realizing it Marc's eyes darkened when he heard the word breakup "Listen, if we broke up I…"

"Baby, you know that if it's up to me, we'll never breakup, right?" With a determined look, Marc pulled you onto his lap

"Of course, dear, but if what you did…"

"I would come to your house, take you and lock you away from the world. Because if that's the case, you would never leave me."

"Whoa boy, a little bird wasn't meant to be trapped." When you felt the sincerity of Marc's words, you tried to leave your dear boyfriend's lap, demonstrating that you were serious about the matter, this fact did not go unnoticed by him as he smiled at you and with hearts in his eyes, he kissed you madly until you was breathless and again and again and again….he put you in a bridal carry position, pressing you against his chest with such force that it left you sore

"So i cut the bird's wings and we stay together, love, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We will never break up, remember what I told you? Let's get married, my beautiful darling."

[woaza]

Could I request all four daddies of Delico's nursery (Gerhard, Dali, dino, Henrique) with their opera singer wife???

Delico’s Nursey x Opera!reader

Paring(s) : Dali D. x Reader, Henrique L. x reader, Dino C. x reader, Gerhard F. x reader.

Word count : 8k (each part is around 2k)

Warnings : Not proofread! (Dino is lowkey toxic, as per usual.)

A/n : I love this request! (Also just pretended most of their wives don’t exist.)

Dali Delico

— After the passing of his wife, looks for an outlet or something to occupy his time. He stars to get into live music. It’s a nice break from his duties and still a refined way to spend one’s time. Then he stumbles upon on of your posters and attends your performance. Hears your voice one time, now consider every single one of your shows booked.

— The theater notice’s how all your shows are booked, and strangely enough the first person to buy tickets (always box seats) is none other than Lord Delico. It’s no secret he enjoyed your singing. Not to mention how much you appreciate the support. In no time he’s personally delivering flowers to your dressing room. Telling you to break a leg before shoes and then after you complimenting your performance.

— After a while you two considered each other friends. He always invited you over to the estate for tea and conversation. Unbeknownst to you it was basically those nights would be some of the most romantic of all your life. Walks through the Delico gardens, Fine food, luxurious gifts, and you were showered in compliments. Your platonic feelings quickly fled and were replaced by a deep passionate romantic burn. These ‘dates’ were always secret and strictly private. Seeming as they were unfit for people of both your statuses. Dali could care less, simply only wanting to impress you.

— Soon enough you two officially are married, you’re finally introduced to his children, who are now yours as-well. Raphael is quick to get attached to you, and loves when you sing him to bed. He enjoys the lullaby’s but his eyes absolutely sparkles when his father takes him to your shows. It’s a special event for him. Since Ul is far too young to sit through a theater show Dali just takes him. The two of them sit in a private box seat and he watches in amazement as his new parent sings on the stage. It means a lot to Raphael, since he gets special time with his dad but also gets to watch you. When he grows older it will be one of his fondest memories.

— Not to mention how Dali love’s every moment of being married to you. When people recognize you on the street. His heart swells with pride as he gets to gush about your talents or at a party when people compliment you. He’s quick to mention how he gets to hear your voice in private.

Henrique Lorca

— The Twin girls insist to their father to go to your show, that’s where he first sees you. The girls plead and bed telling him that all young ladies went and enjoyed your show! They “had” to go! If he wasn’t sitting down he would have been knocked onto his feet. Immediately admired you and your impressive voice.

— His girls are completely obsessed with you. (He is as-well but plays it off.) it gets to a point where the plea and beg to meet you. Eventually paying you for a private meet and great. The girls are practically climbing over you, much to your enjoyment. Appreciating that you had inspired them that much. Little did you know their father was practicing drooling from your presence as much as the little girls were. (After that starts to leave chocolates with small notes in your dressing room after your shows.)

— The twins (and his) obsession with you only continues to grow. Now you are coming over for private shows and are paid extra to give the young ladies lessons. Which are always the highlight of their weeks. Soon enough your like second family, spending most dinners with them. When you stay late and the twins are put to sleep by the Nannie’s. You and Lord Lorca start to have long talks by the fire place. These moments are always calm and peaceful. The way he speaks and looks at you, you cant help but be a bit flustered. Starting to feel as if there if more between you and him. (Tension is thick.)

— Eventually you two break through the tension and wed. Lucia and Elena were the proudest flower girls. Mouths both wide open as you walked down the aisle. It doesn’t matter what your or doing or where you are they always show off their new parent. Lord Lorca couldn’t be more impressed either and somewhat stunned he was able to actually marry you. He along with the twins just admire you so sincerely.

— Although he’d rather you not tell anyone about this, he love love loves when you sing for him and only him. Be it you two are laying in bed for the night and you sing a soft lullaby or your in the shower singing as loud as you can. You voice is so powerful to him, he feels it throughout his body every time.

Dino Classico

— Only goes to your show because he was invited, he did not want to go. At first not spearing the performance a second thought. In his mind he was far too busy to do such things. Live theater was for those who had the time, which he believed he didn’t have. Until he hears your soul rectifying voice. Lord Classico can’t help but be hooked almost immediately. (Then proceeds to act as if he had always liked Opera.)

— Starts to involve himself with other noble men that are present in the live entertainment world. Big names and big singers, eventually he’s able to introduce himself to you at one of these grand parties. Quickly hitting it off with you, he was quick to brag all the names and people he was associated with, catching your attention. He more so hypes himself up than complimenting to you. But by the end of the night offers to sponsor you. (low-key flaunting his wealth.)

— As he’s now sponsoring you, he starts to ask you to perform at his events. Which you happily accept. He’s always a gentleman around you! How could you say no? He pays you more than you could ask for and he’s your biggest supporter and quickly becoming one of your most respected friends. Soon enough you’re singing in a more intimate space. Just you and him in a private parlor until late at night. He simply sits and close his eyes, humming along to all your songs. (In all honesty probably wastes no time in asking you to be his wife.)

— Your wedding was a grand event, lots of guests and top notch catering. Dino always made you swoon and was dedicated to showing you his undying love and affection. In his head swearing you’d be his last wife, in his mind you were the only “competent” one. You even handled Theodore well, an excellent role model for the boy. You were successful and much better with People skills. Dino was throughly pleased with the knowledge and compassion you showed the boy. Finding your patience admirable.

— While Theodore could swear you were one of the best things to happen to him! You were smart and successful, not to mention actually took the time to understand him and embrace your role as his parent. Overall you make the Classico estate a true home.

Gerhard Fra

— Invited to your performance by some other Nobel men. Normally believed he didn’t have time for such things. Live entertainment weren’t the tops of his concerns. Yet he was quickly silenced when he sees you perform for the first time. In his eyes the peak of elegance. Who wouldn’t be hooked by how powerful your voice was.

— Fra was so enamored, it was ridiculous. He felt almost foolish. Like he was back in his youth falling for a woman he didn’t even know. He made no attempt to put himself in your path. Choosing to ignore his feelings and not act on them. Until he was at a social event, which so happened to be hosted by your cousin or something. You were in attendance and he quickly was introduced to you. After a moment you smiled “I believe I’ve seen you at one of my performances, no? Thank you for your support.” It was so simple but enough to make him never miss another one of yours shoes. (Which Does not go unnoticed by you.)

— You write him a sweet note. It was a simple note of your appreciation for his support in your career. It was short and sweet but you meant every word. He read the note, blushing profusely. You were perfect. What didn’t you have? In his mind you were the definition of everything he could have ever asked for. With haste he wastes no time writing you back. This starts a conversation, you explain on your passions and he happily reads them. Asking more questions turning the small letter into a whole letter sending conversation. Everyday he starts to look forward to your new letter. After a couple of months he’s ever s bold as to start flirting.

— The letters lead to one thing to another and you two are wed. He is convinced he has the most perfect wife anyone could ask for, and will take zero comments. Not to mention tries to keep you all for himself, when people ask for private shows he’s quick to wave them off. Claiming your far to busy preparing for your next show and what not. Yet in reality he wants to spend more time with you.

— Angelico starts to warm up to you, at first not liking you all too much. He’s scared of his father in simple terms and you seemed to like his father. Not to mention Lord Fra doing everything in his power to keep you two at minimal contact. But if you persist and show you care for the boy. Angelico will be absolutely delighted and will be your biggest fan.!

[lovelytsunoda]

life in the fast lane // miles teller

summary: the life and times of trailblazing indycar driver y/n y/l/n, and her celebrity husband, miles teller. in the weeks leading up to the indy 500, the pair have a very special announcement that will alter lives forever.

pairing: miles teller x andretti driver! reader

author's note: its hard to write an smau about a man with no public instagram account lemme tell you that real quick-

y/ny/l/nteller just posted!

indianapolis, indiana.

liked by josefnewgarden, monicabarbaro, valkilmerofficial and 4,578 others

y/n/y/l/nteller indiana never felt like home to me until i had you on the open road.

indy tests start monday, and we are officially one month out from the five-hundred. let's do this, indiana!

see all comments

valkilmer you got this kiddo! we're all rooting for you!

-> ynylnteller 🥺🫶🏻 love ya Val!

kyle_kirkwood i have known your husband for four years now and he still looks awkward in every single photo that gets taken of him at the track. how does he do it?

user babe come home, the children miss you?

-> y/n/yl/nteller miles and i don't have any kids (yet)

ashleynewgarden shocked we got through that dinner without josef and miles singing beyoncé at the karaoke bar

-> josefnewgarden that happened ONCE. I wish miles had social media so he could help me defend these accusations

-> y/n/y/l/nteller take it up with the hubby, not me

user does she look like she’s out on a bit of weight?

-> user it’s probably muscle lmao she’s an athlete bud

patriciooward most photogenic couple in the paddock!

monicbarbaro booking my flights rn

-> ynylnteller girls weekend here we come!

y/ny/l/nteller just updated her story!

ynylnteller just posted!

liked by reesewitherspoon, coltonherta, glenpowell and 5,145 others

ynylnteller god I’m going to miss all of this

*this caption was deleted*

ynylnteller days like these 🫶🏻

see all comment

user did anyone see the original caption?!? where is my girl going!

stingrayrobb thanks for making my nieces day so special! she looks up to you so much and she spent all day talking about how awesome you were. thank you and god bless!

-> ynylnteller your niece was an angel, it was my pleasure!

coltonherta your straight line speed this morning was absolutely incredible. are we thinking an andretti 1-2 is in the cards this weekend?

-> ynylnteller absolutley! let’s get it!

glenpowell everyone is talking about straight line speed and I’m just amazed that you can balance on the tires like that-

-> ynylnteller it took five years of practice to be this good glenn

ynylnteller just posted!

liked by monicabarbaro, katherineracing, scottdixon and 4,653 others

ynylnteller as much as it pains me to say it, the todays Indy 500 will be the end of my 2024 season. while I’m upset that this season is coming to an end prematurely, I am also beyond excited. if the pictures above didn’t give it completely away (and my husband was able to keep his mouth shut all weekend), I am beyond overjoyed to announce that miles and I are having a baby! we tried to keep it under wraps for as long as we could, but as of the next race, baby teller would be too big for me to race without hurting them or myself,

while I won’t be on the track itself for the rest of the season, I couldn’t give this place up if I tried. Instead, my car will be driven by the amazing callum_ilott and I will be joining my bestie jameshinchcliffe in the commentary box.

when I was little, I only had one dream: to be a race car driver. but as I got older that dream began to change, and I realized all of that meant nothing if I didn’t have anybody to share it with. I wanted a family.

We are so excited for this new chapter in our lives.

Lots of love,

Miles and YN Teller xx

see all comments

scottdixon I’m so happy for you, darling! that baby is going to be so loved and so cherished. please pass my congratulations on to miles as well!

-> ynylnteller none of this would have been possible without you, so you’re the real hero here!

user mother is going to be a real mother now!

valkilmer congratulations yn! if you and miles ever need anything at all, you know where to find me (or mercedes and jack)

-> ynylnteller thank you val!! ❤️

glenpowell I am going to be the best godfather this kid has ever had

-> ynylnteller first of all who said you were the godfather?

-> coltonherta yeah it’s gonna be me actually

-> ynylnteller actually it’s going to be neither of you

-> coltonherta but why? I’m already a great uncle?

-> glenpowell yeah so am I!

-> ynylnteller everybody be quiet or we’re making Val the godfather -Miles

-> coltonherta you’d pick the old man over us?!?

-> ynylnteller he *is* less annoying

ashleynewgarden so pleased for you both! this will be your next great adventure! kota is looking forward to having another little buddy to hang out with 🫶🏻

callum_ilott I promise to take good care of the car! rest up and relax over the next nine months, god knows you might never sleep again

user miles is becoming a dilf!!! miles teller is becoming a dilf!!!

TAGS:

@magnummagnussen @libraryofloveletters @cartierre @lorarri @diorcharles @httpiastri @sidcrosbyspuck @thatsdemko @userlando

[nintendroid]

Happy belated birthday to the Nintendo 64, released in North America on September 29th making it 28 years old!

No other console I've owned gives me the nostalgia bug like the N64. I have so many stories of the adventures I had with it I could almost write a book. Maybe someday I will, but for right now let's talk about how you can celebrate Nintendo's most unappreciated console. We'll look at some modern software, some underappreciated games you should play and some cool N64 oddities. (NOTE: None of the items mentioned are sponsored. I just really dig the products)

Essential Hardware:

Brawler 64 Controller!

Available wired or wireless, the Brawler is for players who want to play the N64 with a more modern controller. I bought one some years back and have been nothing but satisfied with it. Check out my original review here. Shop here.

The Everdrive 64!

A cartridge capable of storing every N64 game EVER! Not just official games either, but fan-made game mods too! An absolute must if you're hardcore into N64 gaming. It should be noted, there are cheaper alternatives out there, but the rumor is that they can fry your console. KRIKzz-brand Everdrive's are known for their quality and for my money I want something that's not going to ruin my hardware. Check out my original review here. Shop here.

Underrated Games: Even with such a short library, there are good N64 games that don't have the Nintendo or Rare label on them. These aren't all of them, but here's a few that pop up in my mind when I think of the topic of underappreciated N64 games. Yes, some of these are ports but the N64 ports are the way I experienced them and I still prefer the N64 versions.

Duke Nukem: Zero Hour

In my opinion, the best sequel to Duke 3D. Don't let the 3rd-person perspective deter you, this is an authentic Duke Nukem game. Go through time shooting zombies, aliens, Jack the Ripper and send those alien scum packing. Duke's sense of humor is present, even under Nintendo's famous censorship guidelines.

Road Rash 64

A motorcycle racing game where you clobber the other racers with pipes, crowbars and plungers while avoiding the cops. It's so awesome and features one of the greatest songs Sugar Ray ever put out.

40 Winks

It was cancelled at 99% complete in the N64's heyday but publishing company Piko Interactive bought the rights and gave it an official release in 2019. While not what I would call a "classic" It's still a fun game to play over a weekend. As mentioned in my original review, it reminds me of a 3D adaptation of Nightmare on Elmstreet for NES.

007 - The World Is Not Enough

While not quite known as it's big brother, TWINE is a fun FPS Bond game in its own right. Eurocom (who developed Duke Nukem Zero Hour and 40 Winks!) knew they wasn't going to top Rare's iconic Goldeneye, but they did their best and it shows. The one advantage TWINE has over Goldeneye is multiplayer bots so you can play multiplayer because you don't have friends willing to come over because you're a 35-year-old father of two with a mortgage and 9-to-5.

Mods: The modding scene on the N64 is opening up and as a result we're getting some quality titles that extends the life of our favorite system. The one's mentioned here can be played on your actual N64 with the assistance of an Everdrive.

Smash Remix

Everyone collectively loves the original Super Smash Bros, but we can all agree it's pretty barebones in terms of content. Smash Remix fixed that with tons of new N64-era appropriate character additions, new levels, gameplay modes, music, costume changes and MORE. Phenomenal mod if you're a Smash 64 fan.

Shotgun Mario

Its Super Mario 64 but he has a shotgun. Fun for a laugh but adds a fun new mechanic to a classic. No more hoppin-and-boppin, Mario is here to dispense justice!

AKI-engine Wrestling Game Mods

I know most of you reading this aren't wrestling fans but the N64 had some iconic wrestling games thanks to Japanese studio AKI. Fans have been making mods for the AKI-developed titles like WWF No Mercy, Virtual Pro Wrestling 64, WCW vs NWO World Tour ect for years. It's hard to choose just one and each game has a wealth of characters, new arenas, match stipulations, create a wrestler options and much more.

Weirdo N64 Products: Any other time I would have 100 things to list but this is all I could find in the short time I have.

N64 Shirt!

Yes this bad boy is official. What other officially licensed shirt has Fox McCloud and a stormtrooper on it? In modern times, your best luck of finding something like this would be in a midwestern flea market.

Bill Goldberg Memory Card!

WCW legend Bill Goldberg had a memory card for some reason. I'm not complaining because it's awesome. Nothing I would love more than looking down after losing races in Diddy Kong to see big Bill yelling at me, motivating me to be a champion.

In conclusion: The N64 is a flawed but legendary console - it's popular but underrated, widely-known but intimate. My wishlist for the future is more awesome game mods of well known titles AND lesser known titles (let's fix Superman 64 or Carmageddon!). If you read this far, I hope this got you in the mood to play some N64.

[estrella-zoe39]

i love dumping random shit onto my tumblr anyway weird discussion of the most random fandoms combined go! mostly discuses love as core themes of stories.

i think my favourite pieces of media are those that just dont make sense if you dont view them as a love story. i came across this discovery as i was watching code geass ep 17 when lulu goes insane when he realises the one thing thats in his way is also the person he trusts completely. there is no other genuine explanation other than love for the reasoning of his reaction in that scene. with shirley he had this mellow yet sorrowful reaction when he realised he couldnt be with her anymore. not saying there wasnt a part of him that didnt love her but with suzaku? he goes berserk. whatever he felt couldnt have happened if he didnt love suzaku.

other good examples of this are frieren, orv, and house. there are more my brain is just kinda fried rn and i think these three are good examples of like. varying levels of how explicit the message is. (theyre all obvious af tho)

ill start with frieren because i think if youve even like. heard about it youll know but himmel and frierens relationship really is the core of like the entire story. a boy who loved too soon and a girl who loved too late. frieren just isnt. frieren when you take that away. frieren at its like core is about love you cant just remove that because then the story wouldnt be the same it probably wouldnt even exist!!! and im sure everyone knows this its just surprising how frieren isnt officially a romance manga considering its entire premise

another example is orv which is a bit harder to know if youve only read the webtoon. orvs story just wouldnt exist if hsy didnt love kdj. if she didnt write yjh and then kdj wouldve died, plain and simple. and if kdj didnt love the story back then he wouldve also died. hsy, yjh, and kdj at their core are their love for each other. hsy spent 12 years writing a book everyday just for kdj to keep on living and in kaizenix she waited 50 years for him. yjh spent the entirety of orv learning how to love from kdj, through fighting alongside him, through protecting him, through seeing him die, even when he learned he wasnt real he still believed him, and in the end yjh was the one who let kdj be known in every universe. his mission was something that he only could brave through if he loved kdj. and he did. speaking of kdj, i think its very obvious to everyone but his self-sacrificial nature is due to him only knowing that as a love language. something else is how without kdjs love, orv also just wouldnt exist. if his love for twsa, for the chars, for STORIES, didnt exist, he wouldnt be alive. if he didnt keep on molding twsa, to be alongside every yjh and co, to suggest new plot points, he wouldve never came to love it.

onto my last example, house. now i think you gotta be a very specific type of person to catch them (its called not being homophobic) but man are house and wilson like. house the show itself. their love defines the show, from the first scene to the last. he only took that first case which started everything because of wilson. half of his stupid antics are because of wilson. his love starts and ends at wilson because he knows wilson will be the one person who will always be there consistently for him. because no matter what happens, like house getting sent to trial by tritter, or house failing to save amber, they will be together, whether they want to or not. so when wilson is diagnosed with cancer, he breaks. the one person who he thought would always be there for him. isnt. in fact, he'll die first. and so, he does everything. he listens to wilsons stupid fucking ideas because he needs wilson to be there for him, he needs wilson at his grave, not him at wilsons. thats why he gives everything to wilson, his vicodin, his attention, and even his life. the only reason he dies is so he can be with wilson. none of this actions can be done without love in them, absolutely none. i think my favourite quote of them is "if house chops down a tree, and wilson isnt around to hear it, did it really fall?" it just sums up their stupid, needy, insane, and romantic dynamic so much.

all of these pieces of media need love in them to be them, so i hope ive loved them more than they could ever want, despite some of their flaws 🩷🩷🩷

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 4.5/5

Book Blurb:

magical training by breaking a powerful family’s curse. But her own affliction—to never find true love—gets in the way when she falls for the girl she’s trying to save.

Magic is in Delilah Bea’s blood. Her absentee father is the world’s most famous cursebreaker, while all the women in her family are fated to never find true love. So when Delilah sets out to complete her magical Calling and gain her full powers as a witch, she has the perfect task in mind—breaking the Bea family curse.

But Delilah’s Calling is hijacked by Kieran Pelumbra, the spoiled son of the most powerful family in the country, and breaking his curse suddenly becomes her official assignment. Every generation, a pair of Pelumbra twins is doomed, with one twin draining the other of their life and magic. Kieran grows weaker while his sister, Briar, becomes…something monstrous. 

As Delilah and the twins set out on their quest, they quickly realize that breaking the Pelumbra curse isn’t going to be simple. For one thing, the rest of the Pelumbra family doesn’t actually want their curse broken—and they’ve sent hunters after the trio to ensure they fail. For another, something about Briar gets under Delilah’s skin, distracting her and making her want to kiss the perpetually grumpy look off her face. But with time running out for the twins and Delilah’s own true love curse getting in the way, they may not stand a chance of finding their happily ever after.

Review:

A delight sapphic witchy romance about breaking curses, falling in love, and getting your happily ever after. This was a touch of Practical Magic meets Howl's Moving Castle, Delilah Bea's family is cursed so that any man who falls in love with a Bea woman will forget all their memories of said lover once they fall in love. Delilah is a witch who's father is a famous cursebreaker and when it's time for her Calling, a ceremony in which she is tasked to perform a magical feat to prove that she should be allowed to keep her magic, she opts to break the family curse.... too bad someone objects and sets a new task for her: to break his family curse. Kieran Pelumbra is the spoiled son of the most powerful family in the country and breaking his family curse has become her official assignment. Delilah should be mad but when she finds out that Kieran is dying and he doesn't have much time left and he is sorry for doing this to her but she is his final hope before he dies... she relents. Keiran needs Delilah to help him break his family curse: a curse that has killed every single set of twins in the family, and Keiran needs Delilah to help him find his twin Briar who has run away. Delilah is determined to break both her own curse and Keiran's curse, yet when she meets Briar she doesn't expect to be so completely taken aback by the prickly, eye patch wearing snarky girl who would sooner wrap vines around someones neck than ask for help. Delilah and Briar immediately get off on the wrong foot but the longer they spend together the more Delilah is beginning to realize that the reason Briar gets under her skin so much might be because she is falling for her. But can she fall for a woman when she is cursed to have all her lovers forget her? With the clock ticking and so many curses to break, can Delilah do it all? This was such a cozy romantic read and I loved the witchy atmosphere and the banter between Briar and Delilah was really cute. It's a great read for the autumn time and it's got a sweet love story at the center. I've loved Kayla Cottingham's books and this one was another great read! If you want a witchy sapphic read I would absolutely recommend this one!

Purchase Link: Amazon

Tour Link: TBR Beyond

Author Info: website

Release Date: August 27,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley , Random House Children's | Delacorte Press, and TBR Beyond Tours for sending me an arc in exchange or an honest review*

[gatheringbones]

hi bones! for life/education/employment reasons I will probably be moving to seattle in a year or so. if you have the spoons and inclination, i'd welcome any advice for someone who wants to do right by hir new community/city but also wants to take care of hirself. (and/or just advice for moving to seattle in general!) i'm a neurodivergent, white, mentally ill butch lesbian, if that affects the advice any. thanks for all the incredible book excerpts and writing thoughts you post!

there’s a breakfast place in Fremont called Roxie’s that does latkes instead of english muffins in their benedicts and where you can get an amazing reuben.

there’s also a Cuban sandwich joint called Paseo’s up the hill where you can get an extremely messy and life changing sandwich. god willing there’s still a Mexican sushi place in Wallingford right down the block from Changes the gay bar.

carry change with you and give it to anyone who asks and remember their face, remember where you saw them, place them on a mental map in a way that reinforces their worth as a full and complete human being. if you don’t have change you apologize with intention. you will have some next time. never offer to substitute food for change; this is a terrible insult.

there’s a queer library at a queer community center called Gay City in Capitol Hill where you can sit and read and check out books and access other community services like therapy and social support.

pay attention to the caste system at work wherever you go in seattle. It’s ever-present and exerts constant psychic force on everyone inside city limits. the people who the city refuses to house or treat flock there because seattle technically offers many services for help and healing, but these services have been allowed to exist in a state of complete overwhelm for decades by city officials who support and value the caste system. the mad the sick and the unhoused are meant to float through third and pine and westlake and the waterfront for the Real people to practice dissociating from. this perpetual dissociation colors the whole city. everyone is complicit. everyone swears not to know what they know and see what they see. everyone receives patient conditioning to sort and categorize the shapes they see moving through the city of seattle as human or inhuman and resisting this conditioning will require all of your attention and insight. you will be asked at every second to betray yourself.

read the archives of the view from Nathan’s bus

read about the Duwamish. go down and buy something from the woodcarvers by the ferris wheel. know that the canoes and masks and religious items inside the restaurant next door were hand carved by a white conservative guy who bought a bunch of books on coastal Salish art and copied as best he could.

there is queer community. the lesbian book club that changed the trajectory of my life isn’t the only one. if you have it in you to look for opportunities and spaces to be around the bodies you need to survive, you will find them.

do not wear headphones while out and about unless absolutely necessary. you need to be able to be spoken to.

go watch the sunset at fremont peak park and if you feel absolutely overwhelmed and alien in the world know that a twenty two to twenty eight year old version of me is sitting somewhere behind you and to your left. look out for a blonde cat and the dinosaur village.

don’t call the cops.

[mumms-the-word]

Wedding ask! Can I ask for your 1, 15 & 18? Any ship that you feel like doing ♡♡

omg you grabbed one of the ones I haven't figured out yet but I really need to lol So some of this is locked down and some of it is me being like "idk! I have ideas!"

Wedding, or something else?

Dani had always considered marriage one of those idealistic things that only happen to madly in love people, or else it was a political arrangement. Her mother never married and her sort-of-foster-dad/mentor never remarried after his wife died, and she didn't expect to ever fall into a long-term romantic relationship. Gale changed all of that and the moment he proposed she realized she wanted nothing more in the world than to be his wife and officially become part of his family.

(Bonus: Freyr never thought about marriage until Minthara suggested that they join houses and take over the world under his name. But he doesn't have a last name/house name. So Minthara gives him one; I wrote about that moment here. That basically becomes their marriage, but who knows, maybe they make things official with a ceremony later.)

Vows and Unity Ceremonies

I'll admit this part is hazy for me, because I kind of hate writing vows for some reason. I've written weddings before, but without an actual liturgical script...idk some of it comes across as campy to me? And sometimes vows can be boring. So this is the one part I haven't figured out fully because I want it to be good.

I do know that Dani and Gale write their own vows to each other. Gale's a poet (a headcanon I have FULLY accepted, thanks to @sorceresssundries and others) and Dani is a songwriter and amateur poet. So of course they write their vows to each other.

I feel like for a unity ceremony, they'd probably just do a simple handfasting. The same sash they use to dance their first dance with is probably also used to bind their hands or arms together during their vows or during a priest's blessing. I'm not sure if they do anything else, since their ceremony is pretty quick. But I could see them doing that much, at least.

I also saw someone suggest a Tymora wedding ritual where the couple flips coins until they both get coins that come up as "heads," and I like that idea too? I want to play around with this part more.

I Now Pronounce You...

Dani 100% takes Gale's last name. Zavrai is her mother's last name, but there's no urge for her or her mother to keep it going, and the minute Gale suggested that there be "two Dekarioses" in Baldur's Gate, it was all over. She dreamed of being Dani Dekarios every day after that. Technically her new "government name" is Meridan Dekarios but Dani Dekarios rolls off the tongue and she absolutely loves it.

(Bonus #1 - Freyr and Minthara share a new house name. At the moment, it's Deviir, because I was using old drow lore books to make a name and completely forgot that Viconia's last name is DeVir, but I might just change it to Daeviir and call it a day. But them both taking it on is the easiest decision either of them made.)

(Bonus #2 - Ardynn and Halsin don't get married because Halsin isn't a marriage kind of guy. That said, she is sometimes referred to in the Reclaimed Lands as Miss Silverbough or Mistress Silverbough by newcomers, and she doesn't really correct them. She answers to both Silverbough and her actual last name, Harrow. Also, any children she has with Halsin take his last name rather than hers, so...there's that.)

I appreciate you asking, friend!!

[estellamiraiauthor]

The Stars May Rise and Fall: The Annotated Re-read (Chapter 18)

And here we are at chapter 18, which is… one I actually kind of like? And am proud of? What kind of bizarre opposite world are we living in?

And we finally meet Chizuru, who’s one of my favorite characters and who I’ve been talking about so much that I’m honestly surprised she doesn’t show up until chapter 18!

As always, spoilers (including spoilers for chapters beyond this one) under the cut. This chapter’s comments also include mention of death, including suicide.

So this is the first chapter we’ve had with the band in awhile, and lots of things are changing for the better: the new drummer, Nao, has officially joined, they’ve got staff (Kiyomi) to sell their goods, and today is the release date for the new single. Despite the disaster at the love hotel, Rei has of course finished the single… I’m not really sure if he’s expecting to be able to go on having a professional relationship with Teru… probably not, but he’s not going to back out of something he’s already specifically agreed to do (even if the CDs are just delivered impersonally to a PO Box). Also I think he’s still kind of Secretly Hopeful things will somehow work out?

Of course, Teru continues to feel like shit. It definitely doesn’t help that they’re back in the first venue where Rei initially saw him play, and he’s definitely not sure if he’s secretly hoping Rei is here tonight, as well.

Poor Nao, the replacement drummer, doesn’t get a lot of characterization… there was initially a little more, but other than being there and making the band better, he isn’t that important to the main plot, and a lot of it got cut. I don’t even think I really ever describe what he looks like, which is sad, because I always imagine him looking like this one guy in a band I used to follow who had long, straight hair parted down the middle that was jet black on one side and platinum blond on the other. That’s incredibly cool and I wish I’d included it.

But all that’s really left here is a short conversation about what happened to Bara and how some mysterious “fan” also suggested that Nao join the band… of course, Teru knows that this was also Rei, who he’s already trying and failing not to think about, and then when Nao makes a comment about smoking being bad for your voice (i.e. exactly what Rei always says), it’s just too much of a reminder, and Teru leaves the conversation to go upstairs.

(“Upstairs” here is the first basement, where the stage and the area for bands to sell their CDs and things are; the dressing room, the little break area, and the restrooms are in the second basement—all of this is based directly on the actual venue.)

Kiyomi gives him the set lists… I don’t think this is unique to visual kei or to Japan, but they’d always tape the set lists to the backs of the speakers or to the floor, at least one for every band member. I don’t really remember if I mentioned Kiyomi’s pretty, feminine handwriting to deliberately contrast it with Rei’s, which is barely legible, but maybe? Or maybe it was just a throwaway detail?

The next part is definitely not a throwaway detail, though. Kiyomi tells Teru she has something to tell him and takes him down into the stairwell leading to the restrooms (there are separate staircases for the restrooms, which anyone can use, and the dressing room and break area, which require a backstage pass). The stairwell is absolutely COVERED with graffiti, and this is, or at least was, more or less real. I’m not sure if the graffiti is still there, and of course the SPECIFIC graffiti in the book isn’t actually there, but the stairwell filled with graffiti proclaiming love for various bands was completely real.

What Kiyomi wants to show Teru is just that someone has written HIS band’s name on the wall, which is definitely cool—they’re a part of history! But of course that’s not the most important part of this scene.

I’ve talked before about the absolutely ridiculous death rate in this particular subculture. I don’t really think theres one specific reason behind it, but this particular type of music does tend to attract people who are intense, who just FEEL very deeply I guess and who might tend to live slightly reckless lives in pursuit of their music. There’s a lot of debate over whether Hide from X Japan was a suicide or not… people who knew him say he was probably just stretching his neck with a towel, not actually trying to hang himself. I’ve even heard it suggested that there was somehow foul play, although I’m not sure what the reasoning behind that is. Regardless, he was very drunk at the time and would apparently regularly get drunk and hurt himself… too fast to live too young to die, etc? There were a lot of sudden deaths—the book mentions Kami from Malice Mizer, who died of a sudden aneurysm in 1999. I think he was maybe in his mid-20s? Around 2002, the bassist from a little indie band I’d seen a few times died the same way; he was 19. There were quite a few car crashes when I was in the scene (not all resulting in death, but there would occasionally be concerts cancelled for minor injuries and there was a guitarist who lost an arm, etc.), probably just the result of young people who weren’t very experienced drivers rushing from concert to concert at midnight because they couldn’t afford a night off in a hotel in between. Suicides… although both were still alive at the time the story is set, and therefore aren’t on the wall, Isshi from Kagrra, Taiji from X Japan. And then there was the band where half of them drowned filming a music video. it’s just a LOT, compared to the overall population of the subculture, and quite a bit of the graffiti on that wall WAS “RIP” messages… and of course that’s the most important thing that Teru finds here.

An aside here… in retrospect, it seems completely ridiculous that Teru remembers Hide’s death as “over two years ago, now”, as if that’s a horribly long time. Two years, people. TWO. Oh, to be 21…. 😂Seriously, though, we’re coming up on the TWENTY FIFTH anniversary of Hide’s death next month, and this sort of wistful “two years ago” seems… “funny” is not the right word but… just very “21-year-old without a lot of life experience” in retrospect. (At the time I wrote it, I think two years legitimately seemed like a long time. I was 23.)

So I really think Teru is just kind of… confronting his own mortality here, because while of course he knows that youth and talent and beauty aren’t forever, he’s recently had reason to sort of have that emotionally driven home, and because that’s sort of on his mind ANYWAY he’s noticing the “RIP” messages probably more than he otherwise would… when he finds one for Rei’s band. Before this point, Teru didn’t actually know what Rei’s band was called or what any of his bandmates’ names were, but how many entire bands with frontmen named Rei all died (or, well, were rumoured to have died) all on the same night in 1995? It’s clear that this is Rei’s band, and finding it first makes Teru feel a little more of the age gap between them, I think… he was only 15 on January 5, 1995. And then I think it just makes him feel even sadder and more hopeless, and again that deep sense of injustice, this time not only for Rei but also for those other names on the wall.

A couple of other seemingly insignificant but actually important things happen here: Yasu tells Teru there’s an after party, and this time Teru agrees to go since for once he doesn’t have plans with Rei, and he considers and decides against wearing Kiyomi’s necklace… still hoping, I think, that Rei is going to be watching the show, even though he doesn’t expect it.

At the end of their set, the crowd actually screams for an encore… this was fairly unusual at these little shows with 5 or 6 bands playing (half the time the venue staff would quash it even if the fans asked for it), as is shown by the fact that they don’t actually have an encore prepared, and since their drummer JUST joined they can’t just dig up something old he doesn’t know yet… so they decide to play the second song that Rei gave them, which they’d been practicing but hadn’t planned to play live yet. The title (Phoenix) is another super blatant nod to Phantom of the Paradise. (Im not even sorry; that movie is the sole reason I wanted to write a Phantom retelling in the first place.)

Another one of my favorite lines here, as the audience laps up the suuuuper angsty, tragic song: “This is visual kei, after all. Who doesn’t love a good tragedy?” I think Teru’s partly just calling HIMSELF out here—yes, he’s more than a little drawn to Rei BECAUSE of the whole tragic backstory thing, and this room full of (mostly) girls who love all these songs about death and heartache and loss almost definitely spent way too much money on the Hide tribute album or the Kami memorial box set… at what point are we mourning these tragedies and at what point are we just plain enjoying them? I definitely don’t think Teru knows, and he’s probably as guilty of it as any of them, but now  he’s seeing that that’s not really fair either… that none of this is fair, and he doesn’t know how to deal with that.

But he doesn’t have time to process it because he has to go out into the lobby and sell CDs and sign autographs and I’m actually really proud of the MOOD of this whole thing. I like the way I wrote this chapter, sorrynotsorry.

And then at the very end of the night, when they’re all about to get kicked out, Teru finally goes up to the balcony, thinking Rei might be there after all… and he’s not, but he finally meets Chizuru, who’s the sort of Daroga character here, as in she’s the one who has known Rei for years, she’s the one who helps him, in various ways, navigate the “normal” world. I love her a lot… she’s so complicated, and we definitely don’t learn as much about her on the page as other characters, but even here, she says directly that she hates Rei and calls him a “self-centered bastard,” but also seems to genuinely want him to be happy—probably partly because it makes her life easier when he’s not in a terrible mood, but I also think that after fate kind of threw them together as the two survivors (she wasn’t in the accident, but as the hair and makeup artist she usually would have been with the band and I think does feel similar survivor’s guilt because she stayed behind), I do think she’s gotten to know him well enough that she does understand, sympathize with, and care for him, even if that doesn’t extend to friendship per se.

She gives Teru a message from Rei—to stop parading his “girlfriend” around in front of the fans. Rei is definitely just being petty here… I think he knows Teru doesn’t seriously want to date Kiyomi, but seeing her here just kind of reminds him of what he can’t have, and he takes out that kind of aimless frustration on Kiyomi (and Chizuru as his proxy). But then she tells Teru that Rei isn’t angry so much as he believes that he deserves everything that’s happened to him, but that he doesn’t really want to lose Teru…. In other words, encouraging Teru to go back and apologize.

I think this is partly selfish. Chizuru doesn’t want to be Rei’s caregiver forever. She wants to move on, as we’ll see later, but I do think there’s an obligation she feels to Rei. He doesn’t need 24 hour care anymore, but he definitely did at one point, and he’s not really 100% independent, even now. She’s not going to completely desert him and make him hire some government care worker… but if there’s anyone else out there who might actually WANT to help?

At the same time, though, I think she actually does care for Rei at some level. I think she’s also fiercely independent and can sort of identify with him on that… so while she’s not going to abandon him, she does want him to find something that’s more happiness and less “We depend on each other because everyone we actually loved is dead.”

Yeah, this is kinda relentlessly sad, I’m sorry.

[fumbliesthots]

2022 Review + Rezzo 2023

This post is almost a week late because I was trying to take it easy after my Bali meditation + fam vacation trip. This year end trip really made me appreciate the slow life where I was really trying not to overthink and over-plan. (Also, geez, what happened to me? When did I become this sort of person?)

It's only been 2 days into the new year and I'm beginning to feel tired of the super-fast pace of work life again. I must remind myself to take it down a notch, as John Green says. I'm not working in a hospital – nobody will die if my job doesn't get done.

But first, let's recap some things I'm really grateful for in 2022, in no particular order -

Gratitude list 2022

1. My parents: They are not perfect but they are always doing their best to care for us the ways they know how. I'm learning new things about their outlook in life recently. My mom is an optimist that makes the best out of every sucky unexpected situation because she just wants everyone to feel ok. I think I probably got that from her. My father cares a lot about the world at large. Although we have different views of what "good" is, I appreciate that side of him.

2. National Library Board: Ok nerd. I feel like somehow I'm reading more books than ever this year. And really starting to get back more into physical books. Although I still love Libby for its convenience, sometimes reading on digital devices can be distracting. So I really appreciate having such a great library system in Sg – I can choose either to hang out at a nearby air-conditioned library or just to lie in bed and scroll Libby on my phone. It's the top perk of being Singaporean IMO.

3. Authors: I cannot not mention the people that wrote those books I enjoyed so much from the library. Some of the books that moved me last year:

Jon Yates - Fractured: Why Our Societies Are Coming Apart and How We Put Them Back Together Again.

Brene Brown - Braving Wilderness, Dare to Lead, Atlas of the Heart (also her podcasts have helped me so much last year)

Hank Green - I don't read enough fiction so these YA books were a surprise pleasure for me: An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor

Yanis Varoufakis - Talking to My Daughter About The Economy

4. The 3-Headed-Oracle: We completed 2 more writing challenges this year! I really appreciate the way we kept so consistent with this habit through the process, and got to know how each other thinks. I enjoyed learning how we see the world through different lenses, having their perspectives was really valuable and precious.

5. Workshops attended: Learning new self-awareness, critical thinking and communication skills at 2 in-person workshops which both happened at Common Ground - Facilitating Conversations for Change (by Shiao-yin), and Seeing & Shifting Systems (by Studio Dojo). These courses were so perspective-expanding that I wish more people would have the chance to attend. So I'm also grateful that my company has L&D funds for us to upskill ourselves.

6. Vipassana: Renewing my meditation practice at a 10-day course, and getting to disconnect from the world temporarily. Really amazing to have the opportunity to do that again after more than 6 years, such a privilege. This is my third time doing it but I somehow still gained new understanding and wisdom this time around.

7. XD Summer Offsite: Something about work - Meeting all my XD colleagues in person at our offsite in Prague. Even though this trip was expensive (they flew all of us in SG down) it was also necessary to at least start the process of gaining trust and building connections in the newly re-organized team.

8. Standing up XD Ops: Finally given the opportunity to upstand this new function officially in the group. I also learned that sometimes the right thing to do is to actively ask for things and not just wait for them to drop from the sky. Unsaid expectations and unset boundaries will just cause resentment. This is a huge theme this year for work. Clear is kind.

Intention review 2022

So what did I say I wanted to do last year? Balance? I regretfully say I did not achieve that. I was too busy balancing other people's priorities while neglecting my own. I was reading and learning a lot more, desperately trying to get more information about why things happen the way they do, trying to get more tools that could help solve the problems I see. As a result, I was feeling quite burnt out at some point, and people around me noticed.

I guess that was what pushed me to sign myself up to do a 10-day silent retreat again. I have to forcefully shut myself away and disconnect from the external world to find out what is happening inside myself.

A lot of things came up for me during my time meditating - the past, the future, imagination of things that has yet to come, assumptions of how things came to be. I have to remind myself, all these are anicca, impermanent. Stories in my mind that arise and will pass away. I am not the same person just 1 millisecond ago, what for carrying this baggage forward? What is more important is the choices I can make in the present moment, which is to sit here and observe my breathe and my body sensations. That's the only true thing.

Knowing all these theoretically is one thing, but the benefit of having these 10 day silent protected time is for us to actually start the process of rewiring our brains and stop the habitual impulse reactions of daily life.

But still, I guess these 10 days are not enough. I was refreshed and ready for the new year, yet, just 2 days in, facing all these unread emails and to-do lists leftover from last year, I'm starting to feel tired again. This won't do.

Intentions 2023

1. Spend more time practicing meditation. From past experience of previous retreats, my self-discipline has not been very strong when it comes to daily sittings. This a new strategy this time is to join a regular group. I've put a recurring event on my calendar to attend a weekly group sitting. Hopefully, this will help me maintain my practice.

2. Help my family be more healthy. In both body and mind. My parents are getting older, and although they are actively doing exercise by themselves, I think they would also benefit from learning Vipassana and begin the reduce their mental burden of growing old (and having the worrisome baggage of 3 single adult children lol). I'm also seeing how my bro is suffering from health problems because of an unhealthy lifestyle. He too could benefit from being more mindful of his habits. It may be a tall order to have them sign up for a 10-day meditation course, but hey, I've done harder things! 3. Turn things down a notch. I know it's counter-intuitive to say I have a deadline, but I've told my boss that I want to leave for my postgrad studies by the next year. So during this timeframe, I'm going to try my best to see what things I can create automated or self-running systems around, and maximize things that can be left undone. In short, how can I make myself dispensable? 4. Continue to serve others and build relationships, but be less "bottom". I used to think that there is a freedom that comes with being invisible and ego-less, and have used that easygoingness to get people to trust me and thus get what I need to be done. But I am starting to learn that doing things this way can be effective earlier in my career, but does not scale when I reached a certain level. Sometimes the right and kind actions are to actively set boundaries, keep clarifying situations, and align expectations. Don't try to be everything for everyone, instead, how can I help others learn how to help each other and help themselves?

[carriagelamp]

I feel like answering these, because I enjoy going through the books I read the previous year! I'm also going to tag people because I love hearing about people's book interest (and pilfering good recs)...

1. How many books did you read this year? According to goodreads I read 167 * * (baring in mind that I read quite a wide variety of books. I have novels, novellas, children's lit, graphic novels, manga, audiobooks... the works all mixed up together. I definitely did not read 167 big massive novels)

2. Did you reread anything? What? A few! My most significant one was The Hogfather by Terry Pratchett because that's one of my favourite Discworld novels, but I also reread The Secret Garden, Charlotte's Web, James and the Giant Peach, Scott Pilgrim, a few Asterix volumes, and Dragon Rider by Cornelia Funke

3. What were your top five books of the year? HARD TO CHOOSE THERE WERE SO MANY GOOD ONES THIS YEAR. Uhhh, I've been reading the (1) MXTX novels (Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation and Heaven Official's Blessing) and those really own my soul, (2) When The Angels Left The Old Country, (3) This Is How You Lose The Time War, (4) The Radium Girls, and (5) Camp Damascus??? I feel like I'm leaving so many off but those were some highlights

4. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year? I really enjoyed reading both of Kate Moore's books and would be interested in her putting out another in a similar style. I tried David Walliams for the first time and enjoyed most of the ones I read by him so far. I've obviously heard of Chuck Tingle before but this is my first time reading one of his books and Camp Damascus absolutely blue me away

5. What genre did you read the most of? Always fantasy. I'm a simple soul, I live for my Fantasy/Scifi

6. Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to? My TBR pile is mighty and unstoppable. I tend to just jump to whatever feels *right* so I can't say I have anything I'm disappointed in not having read... I'll get around to it when the time is right. I suppose the one thing I'm disappointed in was not being able to get through Gideon the Ninth... my gf loves it but I just couldn't get into it

7. What was your average Goodreads rating? Does it seem accurate? 3.6 apparently, which sounds right I guess? For every really good book there's always a few average books and a few duds I guess?

8. Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones? I make a point of never having reading goals. Reading is my hobby and I never want it to feel like a job. I read - goal completed! Oh, I did participate in my library's summer reading program which was a ton of fun!

9. Did you get into any new genres? I always consider myself very much NOT a non-fiction reader, but Kate Moore's books (The Radium Girls, The Woman They Could Not Silence) got me REALLY into it!

10. What was your favorite new release of the year? I have three! System Collapse (newest Murderbot book!), Camp Damascus, and Bookshops & Bonedust

11. What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read? Bro that's 95% of the books I read. I'll say Moominland Midwinter (1957) though, because I haven't mentioned it yet and it was absolutely the most perfect winter read. I love Tove Jansson's writing style it makes me Feel things

12. Any books that disappointed you? The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer. I've read some of his other books and really loved them but this was just completely not my genre/style/idk

13. What were your least favorite books of the year? The Dragon's Bride by Katee Robert, probably? If there's one I hated more I've forgotten it. My cousin likes this author and I promised I'd try reading one... man, she somehow made a monsterfucking novel boring. Cowardice, that's what it was. And so Heterosexual™ that it boggles the mind

14. What books do you want to finish before the year is over? I'm not intending to finish anything else until the new year, though I'm currently reading Horrorstör by Grady Hendrix so that'll probably be my next finished

15. Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women’s Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them? uhh I don't think so? I don't tend to read a lot of ~proper literature~ I'm too mired in genre fiction lol

16. What is the most over-hyped book you read this year? So. I finally read a couple of Beverly Cleary's Ramona Quimby books. I know these are iconic, nostalgic, childhood favourites for a lot of people but oh my god were they boring, sorry, I don't get the hype

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were? The True Blue Scouts of Sugar Man Swamp was *way* better than I'd expected, the language was genuinely beautiful. Also Fortunately, The Milk, since I tend to be very hit or miss with Gaiman books but that one had me howling with laughter.

18. How many books did you buy? ........I didn't think I'd bought that many until I started counting them up. I don't wanna talk about it. Most were second hand, don't look at me

19. Did you use your library? Constantly, or I'd be in dire straights... see above

20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations? SYSTEM COLLAPSE BY MARTHA WELLS, MURDERBOT MY BELOOOOOOVED (and yeah it did, it was great, but now I'm desperate for the next)

21. Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama? You could not pay me enough. The closest I came was trying to read The Fourth Wing because apparently "booktok" liked it a lot and realizing it was a very mediocre horny romance that I didn't bother finishing

22. What’s the longest book you read? Doctor Who: 13 Doctors 13 Stories apparently. It's 624 pages apparently, but it's an anthology of short stories so it definitely didn't feel that long. Very fun read.

23. What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book? Oh, I dunno, I'm a slow reader... I guess a day, technically, because I read youth novels and novellas as well which go pretty damn fast. For proper novels, Camp Damascus was probably my quickest read just because I could not put it down

24. Did you DNF anything? Why? A few things... reading is very shamelessly my hobby, I do it for fun, and I don't have all that much free time. If a book doesn't end up interesting me then I have no problem ditching it. Why waste precious free time on something uninteresting when I could be doing literally anything else? A Complicated Love Story Set In Space, The Alchemy of Moonlight, Delicious Monsters, Clown in the Cornfield, How to Bite Your Neighbor and Win a Wager... a few more besides, but those are some standouts

25. What reading goals do you have for next year? Again, I'm not into reading goals. I'm planning on joining the library summer reading club again because that was fun... I'd like to read a bit more French this year because I've been slacking on it. Oh and I've been really wanting to reread The Princess Bride because my brother bought me a beautiful edition.

Tags - I don't know how much any of you are readers but if you're into it, I'm curious to hear about your reading! (I'm also tagging people I know mostly from my artblog so hello I'm also benevolenterrancy if you can't figure out why I'm tagging you) : @planningconquest, @rose-of-pollux, @nekosammsi, @yarrayora, @bookshop-cryptid, @sorrel-scribbles, @auxiliarydetective, @speakthespeech, @meso-mijali

end-of-year book ask

How many books did you read this year?

Did you reread anything? What?

What were your top five books of the year?

Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

What genre did you read the most of?

Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

What was your average Goodreads rating? Does it seem accurate?

Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

Did you get into any new genres?

What was your favorite new release of the year?

What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

Any books that disappointed you?

What were your least favorite books of the year?

What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women’s Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them?

What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

How many books did you buy?

Did you use your library?

What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

What’s the longest book you read?

What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book?

Did you DNF anything? Why?

What reading goals do you have for next year?

[thetransgendert-rex]

Updated Pinned Post, December 16th, 2024!

I have officially left Facebook!

I'm Will Saville, AKA The Transgender T-Rex (the original, and the one and only) #TheTransgenderTRex

I'm a disabled, autistic gamer, inventor, and writer.

Currently writing a book series called A Tikevatian Odyssey, and working on a board game invention called Killer In The Keep, but as a creative autistic, there are bound to be other projects in my future

I am a cat dad to #LordOnyxBlepman #CallieRound and #HarveySquare

I unfortunately had to permanently surrender our cat Tiggy when we were in New Hampshire (September 1st, 2024), and I received word that he was very quickly adopted 😭

I am a house designer on EverQuest 2on the Halls Of Fate Server.

Former Facebook blogger known as The Transgender T-Rex. After I took down my blog, the bigots who have been harassing and stalking me (and doxxed me forcing me to flee Michigan and go to Massachusetts) made a fake blog pretending to be me, and accusing ME of being the imposter. This is a lie. The fake blog harasses other creators, is racist, derogatory, and deplorable. That is NOT who I am as a person!

Below is the fake blog's link.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61562846354777&mibextid=ZbWKwL

You can also get updates for my book series, short stories, poetry, songs, my board game, other projects, etc. by visiting the link below 🥰

www.Linktr.ee/thetransgendertrex

Former last names: Canon, Wilson, Newton, and Blake-Newton

Deadname: Bethany Lauren

Former chosen names: Blake and Andrew/Drew

Reason for final chosen name: Ancestry family tree found repetition for the name William Saville and I reclaimed it. I ended up finding out a friend of mine from EQ2 was a cousin of mine because of this choice! Blake was the only part of my former name that I chose for myself, it's what I would have named a son if I could have biological children. Andrew was chosen to honor my daughter Andrea Marjorie Canon that I miscarried at 17 weeks in November 8, 2013 (her father Shawn Gero unalived himself in 2022), and for my step mother who always wanted a daughter named Andrea, so I named my daughter for her. When I lost her, I was devastated. I later chose Andrew, the masculine version of the name, for my daughter and for Cyndi. Newton was my ex Gareth's last name, and I have filed for a fault divorce because he's an incarcerated pedophile that I turned in as soon as I realized what he was. I hope he rots there! We are now DIVORCED officially, and I am changing my name legally to William Blake Saville now that the divorce is finally over.

On September 19th, 2024 I moved into my 1 bedroom fully ADA accessible apartment with my Section 8 Voucher (I'm on Social Security and am a full time wheelchair user)! I was struck by an F150 Ford Sport when I was 18 and have a broken back and tailbone, hip dysplasia, and herniated disks. I also have advanced Multiple Sclerosis, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and I'm Autistic with ADHD.

Yes, there is a lot wrong with me, every day is a struggle but I try my absolute best.

Jasper is my legal caregiver, a caregiver's income is not counted towards mine as they are considered "medical equipment/reasonable accommodation" and although added to my lease, their income is completely their own.

Live-In Aide income not counted proof

https://finkrosnerershow-levenberg.com/section-8-housing-rules-for-live-in-caregivers/#:~:text=(See%20%C2%A7%20982.402(b)(,her%20income%20is%20not%20counted.

I no longer have to ask for help on a regular basis like I used to, unless I lose my benefits. I only ask for help if I have no choice now. Jasper's money is their own to do with what they please, just like it was back in Michigan, we have come to the agreement that I pay rent, utilities, phone, and Internet while they handle pet costs.

I struggled with rent in Michigan because our former house in Pontiac was $313 a month, with not a single included utility. Our former landlord also charged an extra $50 PER month PER cat despite them being ESAs as legally allowed to do because they didn't own a large amount of properties. Landlords don't have to go by the Fair Housing Act if they aren't a multi-property owner over a certain limit before they have to adhere to the law. All cats here have ESA papers that qualify them under the fair housing act as reasonable accommodations. I only had to ask for as much help as I did before now because that for survival when I was homeless, and before that it was because our old house in was out of my financial means, but finding housing in Michigan that takes section 8 is nearly impossible. My rent at my apartment is $175 a month, all utilities but electricity and Internet are included. My laundry facility is in the building, and I have an ADA apartment that I can do upkeep on, and take care of myself easier because I can use my wheelchair in my unit. So I'm able to not only meet all of my needs with my SSI by being on the section 8, voucher, I can buy healthy foods to lose weight (already down to 390lbs and I was at 520lbs when I moved to Massachusetts because of having to eat processed food all the time because of the house being inaccessible) I have keto food and snacks, Soylent, and slim fast as well. And I've been doing wheelchair yoga.

I'm thriving now. And I'm also able to help fund other queers now and provide mutual aid instead of needing it all the time.

Which is exactly as I prefer.

I also have the money to spoil the hell out of the cats with a treat dispenser filled with supplement treats that help with hairballs, joints, energy, etc. and they have gravity dishes, and a much better litter system. They each get 2 servings of wet food a day now. This is always what I wanted.

I am living within my means now, and am able to give back to the community and do fun stuff.

ESA Information links

https://www.hud.gov/program_offices/fair_housing_equal_opp/assistance_animals

https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/fair-housing-act-and-assistance-animals#:~:text=Even%20if%20a%20lease%20says,which%20includes%20emotional%20support%20animals.

I have survived so much trauma. I want to learn how to live rather than survive but life keeps throwing punches.

I moved to Massachusetts because that's what Jasper and the friend we had staying with us wanted, I was outvoted. We may or may not stay in Massachusetts, but I won't be updating this post if we leave, all updates will be on my link tree!

Based on my experiences while waiting for housing before moving in, and other issues I have noticed when I lived in Massachusetts before, I plan on getting involved in local government so that what happened to me doesn't happen to anyone else. There is no reason someone in a wheelchair should ever have to spend a SINGLE night, let alone 25 nights, on the streets because of their disabilities making them a liability.

Here is the link to my last pinned post on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1By2M4MKq4/

There have been a lot of false accusations about me that I'm no longer willing to refute on a daily basis. The below posts show that those false accusations have been recanted. Those who know me know what I am and am not capable of, and who I am as a person, and know my character. That is all I am willing to say on the matter of past accusations.

Post about Jasper recanting their "groomer" accusations about me, and admitting to doctoring screenshots in an effort to cause me to lose housing and friends out of anger. Me grieving my father, and making it very clear that I have NOT been a part of trying to take down the bigots in any way. I just want a quiet life.

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/193jNd4zrh/

I have forgiven Jasper, and they know they have to earn back trust with me, but we both made mistakes while we were together and after we broke up. Getting back together is most likely in the cards, but we are taking things SLOW. However, they were over here spending the night when my step mother reached out to tell me that My father passed away, and Jasper kept me sane while the emotions kicked my ass. Because even though he was a bad father to me, I still grieve him because I loved him regardless of the pain. I grieve the father I had, and the father I WISH I had, the father a child SHOULD have.

Below are posts related to my dad

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1CoRYA8Rqn/

[phantomdialogue]

˗ˏˋ. ݁₊ ✶ ˖ 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐲 𝐥𝐲𝐧𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 - 𝟔/𝟓 ☆ . ݁ ˖ˎˊ˗

sequel to better than the movies

in honor of its official release today, here is my review of what may be my favorite book of the year that i had the honor of reading an arc of in august. THERE WILL BE MINOR SPOILERS BELOW THIS TIME!

premise: wes bennett’s life fell apart 2 years ago when tragedy struck his family and lost him his relationship with his favorite girl in the world. now he’s picked up the pieces of that shattered life and wants her back. liz buxbaum has had 2 years since their breakup to swear off love as a whole, going from the rom com queen to the cynic. but wes has a plan to make her believe in love —their love— again.

couple: wes bennett and liz buxbaum

tropes: second chance romance, college setting, fake dating

beware there are heavy themes of grief in this book but nothing too explicit

review below!

review:

first, anyone who says that BTTM didn't/doesn't need a sequel... please just read this book. it really is worth every second. lynn painter, my soul belongs to you. i went into this book thinking that better than the movies had become my least favorite of her books and not expecting much, but OH. MY. GOD. this topped betting on you for me somehow when i was so sure nothing would top that.

liz wasn't my favorite character in BTTM, but this book immediately redeemed her for me. the theme of grief in this book is just perfection to me. i can really relate to wes so much throughout this book and getting to read his POV really just made this book so much better (i clearly love lynn's dual POV books the best). watching wes get to lean into the romcom aspects was so fun and really did make me melt.

some specific moments that i jotted down while reading were: "oh my god, she mentioned in between by gracie abrams... she's heard us", "CHARLIE AND BAILEY CAMEO CHARLIE AND BAILEY CAMEO CHARLIE AND BAILEY CAMEO" (can you tell i got excited? lynn making charlie and wes cousins was the best decision ever made), and "he knows the exact number of days... 720 days... oh my god"

in the end, by the ultimate shocking turn of events, this is my new favorite lynn painter book i've read, and it's topped betting on you, which i never thought possible. i liked this WAY more than BTTM and i did spend a good 15 minutes crying after finishing it.

q & a:

are they endgame? - i'm going to be honest. if you asked me if liz and wes were endgame after BTTM, i would have told you no. i would have said that they both needed to mature and maybe they could have come back together later in life because their relationship was just a bit... juvenile? i felt like, as cute as they were, they couldn't have lasted through the hard stuff in the long run (and apparently, i was right). BUT NOW. now they are endgame. wes and liz needed the time apart, and they needed the space to learn more about themselves, who they were outside of high school/the little bubble they lived in.

did i cringe? - i don't think there was anything that stood out to me in terms of cringey moments. i think that lynn does a really great job of writing for a mainly gen z audience without making the language she uses cringey.

favorite part? - i don't know if i could choose... there is so much about this book that i think about constantly even nearly two months after finishing it. the first thing that stands out to me, that i also feel like has been really misunderstood by other readers, is how lynn handles wes' grief. grief has a way of absolutely decimating your life at any age but at 18/19, it really is truly life-wrecking. i think she really was able to lean into it and handle it gracefully as she showed the issues that wes still has two years later and, at the same time, show the damage it did so extensively and understandably. while other people say that what wes did/what happened was completely out of character, i think they fail to understand that you're not yourself when you are dealing with that level of grief and for me, it made me feel extremely seen as someone who went through something similar at the same age. as well, the ending, the epilogue, made me sob profusely. it may be one of my favorite endings i've read in a book recently. the way it pushes away from the action to give us one last goodbye to these characters and where we met them made me incredibly emotional.

least favorite part? - this really is so much harder to pick than favorite part because i'm not sure i could pick something i didn't like. i think both wes and liz were extremely validated in this book and the interactions between them were so realistic especially toward the end with the push and pull of a "will they won't they" moment because when you're in that position, it really is so hard to make a definite decision on it. if i really had to pick, i'd say that maybe the extra roommates of liz just because i felt like they didn't really add a ton to the story. but i did still enjoy their presence at times.

favorite quotes (some spoilers here, of course, but minimal/out of context):

Regarding Lizzie, I had all the intentions in the world.

We were in the past, and he was simply someone I used to know.

"Okay, so tell me your three favorite things about UCLA so far." Liz Buxbaum, Liz Buxbaum, and Liz Buxbaum.

"I don't want to discuss this with anyone, ever, but if I have to, I'd choose you over anyone else."

Now we're just two people who used to know each other.

His gaze was more than familiar. His gaze was home.

It'd been better than the movies, I swear to God.

You don't was the answer. You don't get over her.

But not before taking a moment to pull into The Spot one final time.

"The dude looks at you like he knows he's going blind in an hour and he's trying to memorize every detail of your face."

There really was a fine line between love and hate, and Libby's rage fueled me to burn that line to the ground.

Eventually, we'd find our way back to each other again. I'd been certain of it. Silly little love lover.

I'd never be sure if she was my type--had I always had a fondness for redheads with green eyes?--or if she'd created my type. She was the prototype.

"Because you shouldn't have to mentally split a person in two in order to love them."

"I am just Wes fucking Bennett, Lib, the guy who can't remember a single day in his life when he didn't love you."

"Because our good moments were the crumbs that fed me for seven hundred and twenty 12:13s when I was alone."

It's like I breathe for you, like I exist to exist alongside of you.

"It wasn't you, I don't think, or me. I think it was just life that made us cry."

[awritingcaitlin]

March Wrap-Up

Wow somehow it’s already April. But also… finally it’s April. March felt like it went by in a flash and also like it dragged on forever. 💜Regarding Me💜 So the packing chaos continued into March as we continue to prep to move. In addition to packing came cleaning and other necessary things to get a house on the market. We also went and looked at new houses, and there’s some we really like, but without our current house selling first, it’s too soon to put an offer on one.

Currently, I’m living in ~staged house purgatory~ which is a real fun time in which we pretend we don’t live in the house and thus there is no trash, no litter boxes, and no extraneous items laying out. 🙃

Freelance work has picked up a little, but I’m hoping I get something more regular to cover both some of the expected and unexpected expenses of moving. 💻At the Keyboard💻 Despite all the moving shenanigans, I got back into writing late in the month! I’ve officially rewritten the first five chapters of Heist for Draft 3! A grand total of like 4k new words over the past week really. All of my main characters have been introduced and the plot is now underway. I’m really happy for the direction it’s taken and I’m crossing my fingers that the next five chapters come easily to me. And then the five after that, and then the five after that…

Considering it’s Camp Nano April, even though I’m not participating on the site due to ~reasons~, I’m going to try to prioritize writing a little more this month. It’s actually hard to track word count when this is a revision and so some of the chapters will be just copied into the new draft with minimal changes. But I’d like to see maybe 50-60k total words in Draft 3 by the end of the month if I can swing it. Which should get me well into Act 2. Completing Act 2 would be an absolute stretch goal.

I’d put an expected date to have Draft 3 done by, but with moving and trying to find work, it’s hard. 📚From the Bookshelf📚 I finished Ryka Aoki’s Light From Uncommon Stars. I’ll be honest, I came to the book looking for the deals with demons and the violins. I stayed for the queerness and all the references to California. I honestly really loved the book. It didn’t shy away from talking about how being different affects a person—whether that be race, class, or identity. I also cannot even begin to describe just how much I loved reading how music was described throughout the narrative. It’s given me ideas for what I want to do in Heist and if I wasn’t moving and trying not to buy new things, I’d by a physical copy to annotate. (Maybe I’ll by an ebook and figure out how to annotate with my iPad.)

I loved every single POV and I felt like every one of them came to the table with a desire that was valid and made sense. Honestly, the only thing I didn’t like was that it felt like there were two ways the author wanted to end the book and she couldn’t decide which one worked better, so she went with both. Except they don’t 100% match up.

Do not let that keep you from reading this book however, because it’s absolutely amazing. Read it if you like music. Read it if you want to read about what it means to be a person. For what it means to be love and accepted no matter who you are. I’m still thinking about it weeks after I finished. I’ll end this here, since that’s about all I have for now. Stay tuned for whatever April brings!

[at-the-sign-of-the-fox-n-phoenix]

From a 50 year old artist who is also Not Disney who is a long time Tumblrite who wants to support your livelihood but can’t for many reasons -

You appear to be a Twitter refugee, if I’m understanding your 'I make money on Twitter’ statement correctly (which I may not have properly understood), who seems to be struggling because you have not yet adapted to the local culture and are, as a result, completely misreading the room.  It happens and is not something to be ashamed of, but it is also NOT the culture you’re new in’s problem.  It’s a you thing.  When I was moved by my family with them to South Korea during my childhood, I had the same problem for a good long while. I learned and adapted over time.  I believe you can do the same.  You’re a fucking artist.  OF COURSE YOU CAN.  YOU ARE BRILLIANT.

HELPFUL QUESTIONS TO SUPPORT YOU BUILDING YOUR FRIEND GROUPS HERE AND ALSO YOUR BUSINESS NETWORK (THEY MAY OR MAY NOT BE THE SAME THING) -

1.  Have I made sure my profile picture IS a profile picture I put effort into and not one of the default Tumblr ones?  Having a default Tumblr profile pic screams I AM NOT A HUMAN, and NOBODY will buy shit from what they think is a bot.

2.  Have I made sure I reblog things that I like (especially my and other artists’ art)?  Have I commented and added on every post I have enjoyed?  Tumblr is a team sport where there is no ‘enemy’ and it all becomes jokey art.  Even the just talking posts.  Even the instructive posts.  We have a Science Side.  We have a History Side.  We have experts on shit, who really, really are EXPERTS, who won’t tell you their names since they’d love to get tenure but if you read in their disciplines, you know who you’re talking to.  (NO WORRIES REPUTABLE ACADEMICS I AM NOT GONNA OUT YOU!)  Not reblogging, commenting, etc means you’re not participating.  Nobody willingly spends time with people just leeching off of them, let alone buys anything from them.  We care about each other here.  It will help if you cultivate that, as well.  We are not mere ATMs.  Nor are you.  We are in your same boat, for the most part.

3.  If you have fixed items 1 and 2, if they needed fixed, now you move to the real way you find your people: 3a.  What fandoms do you suspect might most vibe with your work?  Go find out.  Share your art.  What is the response?  Is this a spot to consistently share your work (with prices listed in case anybody is interested in having it on their wall or side table)?  

EXAMPLES of 3a - 3ai.  Do you draw Dean Winchester’s car model and year in various situations?  SPN WANTS THEIR CAR BACK, BABY.  and you can give it to them. 

3aii.  Do you do lots of abstract stuff?  Make bizarro world fantasy thingies?  You may walk into UNREALITY, ABSTRACT, FANTASY tags and find your people.

3aiii.  Does your art fit mostly into one or a few different aesthetic styles?  We have whole aesthetics fandoms here.  Do you do sweet pastoral landscapes? GET THEE TO THE COTTAGECORE TAG! 

3aiv.  Do you like drawing giant monsters, original or otherwise?  JAPANESE KAIJU, GODZILLA, etc tags are calling your name. 

4.  PROMOTE YOUR FELLOW ARTISTS.  It is proof you aren’t just out to cover you own ass.

4a. EXAMPLES

4ai.  NOW to the Absolutely Shameless plugs for all the artists I already know (if we want our own livelihoods to happen, friend, we boost everyone else who also is Not Disney who is just trying to survive late stage capitalism):

4aii.  I buy from Diane Duane (@dduane) and boost all sales notices I see from her eBooks Direct shop so others can, too. She writes the safe for neurodivergent, queer kids Young Wizards series (So You Want to Be a Wizard, etc), she writes Middle Kingdom, and her dear one, Peter Morwood (@petermorwood) - who is beloved on Tumblr for his in depth swords posts and adorable cat posts, also has many books in that shop.  Both are veterans of writing for the Star Trek franchise OFFICIALLY!  No, no ST series are in eBooks Direct, those are all property of the Franchise and so not for them to sell. There are often sales including EVERYTHING IN THE SHOP for like 40 USD.  They cannot sell to UK, sadly. (Corrections welcome, Writer Aunti!)

4aiii.  When I have money again I will be buying from @momolady - she writes exophilic love stories and makes some epic, genre related stickers.

4aiv.  Also from @monstersandmaw who’s art is diverse and lush and wonderful and I can’t even accurately describe it aside from often sculpture or useful and LUSHLY BEAUTIFUL. 

4av.  my friend Ashleigh makes some epic, investment worthy collage art over on Etsy - https://www.etsy.com/shop/aTinyArtGarage.  Check it out!

4avi.  Our Beloved @theshitpostcalligrapher​ also has an Etsy shop - OMG the calligraphy, Illumination and the SHITPOSTS!  https://www.etsy.com/shop/WitchsGrove?ref=shop-header-name&listing_id=1326505436

4avii.  Finally, I (Phoenix M.T. Noah @at-the-sign-of-the-fox-n-phoenix) am a poet and bookbinder.  You can hear my first spoken word album, produced by Thomas Herlofsen, a Norwegian punk musician and author of the poetry book Chatterheart, on Google’s assistant just by telling it to give you the latest album by Phoenix M.T. Noah.  You’ll get to hear FENRIR’S MOTHER.  And yes, I’ve earned a tiny amount from people here choosing to listen.  It’s also on YouTube, SoundCloud, and everywhere else, I’m told.  I do have a Patreon and that sponsors 2 in person, outdoor in the park open mics (POETIC MISCHIEF IN THE PARK) every month so people can come and share their work in a supportive environment.

You can do this, @mtomauw.  I believe in you.  Show me your art so I can plug it, too.  : )  YOU ARE WORTHY OF YOUR LIVELIHOOD.  So are we all.

The only thing I need tumblr to do is to get like... cool with the idea you can hire people here to do commissions for you and to like.. consider monetary support for artists cuz one of the reasons and the biggest reason I moved to twitter in the first place is because people there buy my art. I make a living there doing art. And the vibe here is **we don't do that here** If you want artists to be here and do art you gotta be okay with the concept of artists trying to make money. I hate capitalism as much as the next person but I'm also 30 years old living with my fucking parents because I can't pay for a 1 bedroom apartment. Artists are not 'big business'. We're not Disney. We're just people trying to make a living or some money for groceries and shit.