#in order to stay sane

[if-mirrormine]

uh just exactly how many secret ifs do you have 👀

besides the ones that everyone knows are definitely happening... two.

i have a lot of ideas but if i'm being realistic, most of them will never be anything more than that.

so yk... meet me in a back alley if you want or need an idea for a if

[state-of-disorder]

I love it when men do that

[artemistorm]

Wow... I actually might get all the homework done I need to before the field trip... :0

[capybonara]

.

[intercomkris]

nightmare on 51 road to nowhere street

loren ; former ex-con, working in the strangetown military. occasionally a rancher caring for his goats and sheep. formerly used to live in the bay but moved since the tragedy that struck once again over there, now he resides in his ranch, with his younger sister & the new roommate.

sasha ; used to work as an intern in the big city but after an accidental mistake on her part when it came to some paperwork, she was fired without thought. moved in with her brother loren, though the material girl isn't used to the ranch-work, she has her own ways to occupy herself while out in chestnut ridge town.

keenan ; championship extreme snowboarder, but after a controversial take that has taken a sour turn on his career and forced to take a break, keenan has resorted to livestreaming in his spare time. on his way back to copperdale, his car broke down and stuck in chestnut ridge town and has rented a room in the schuler siblings ranch.

[queercowboyinspace]

Gartenwerkzeug oder murder weapon?

[trevisos]

i DO believe in my heart that magpie someday thwarts an assassination attempt on first talon lucanis by coming face to face with one zevran arainai. undecided on where this goes but i do think they would get on like a house on fire so i suspect it ends with them pulling a few bottles of wine from the villa dellamorte cellars while lucanis takes one look at the situation and decides he doesn’t even want to know

[stevie-petey]

I'm sorry ppl are rushing you, don't listen to them. We care more about your health and well being than a chapter. You always keep up well fed between chapters and we are all very grateful for that. You always answer as many asks as you can and are very sweet and considerate of us and our ideas. I've seen too many writers burnt out by impatient and demanding people. I used to just block people on my old account who would be inconsiderate and rude. Work at your own pace, don't let people treat you like a machine, you're a beautiful person with a beautiful mind and soul. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

i love you endlessly and im glad you guys feel so well fed in between chapters, i really do try to make sure yall are still enjoyin everything while i write <333 whether it be through blurbs, headcanons, or theories i LOVE that you guys send me whatever and it also helps me keep the story in line in my head !

i want this to be fun for everyone and again i adore you n this ask n everyone else :((( and i recognize people are just super excited and im not at all angry, but the reminder to pace myself is always welcome n needed n again i love you 🫶

[insecateur]

if augustine and lysandre had fucked nastier none of the events of pokémon xy would have happened. this is my core belief

[byanyan]

drenched in sweat just from vacuuming......... i despise summer

[szczek]

my job: hey if you have an account that handles with us gov/military you should let us know cause you’re not supposed to handle it but this one lady from the us should have all the accounts like this

me: hey i have this account that handles us gov/military please take it away from me

my job: no not this one

[paradoxlemonade]

Impulsively deciding to make another Zombiecleo doll :D this time I'm using a boxy girl base!

She's one heck of a muse and frankly I'm inspired

[party-gilmore]

Check ALL The Warnings In The Tags If You’re Ducking Below The Read More.

DISCLAIMER: This is a post about me specifically and my broken fucking brain. I am not trying to make any sweeping statements about colonizer guilt or “activism burn-out,” of which others have made EXCELLENT points and i am not trying to draw away from those conversations at all. This is specifically about how my panic disorder and suicidal ideation are making it difficult for me to safely manage my level of involvement and interaction online, at the expense of the ability to actually put in the work for change out in the real world.

OKAY.

Last post on mobile. Tumblr is officially deleted from my phone. we are on Set Amount Of Time A Day - PC/Desktop only for a while.

To be very clear the point of this is not looking for sympathy or trying to be guilt trippy, just trying to get a hold of where my head’s at and let y’all know I’m not gonna be around so much but that I’m okay. Or least, this is me TRYING to be okay.

i CANNOT let the doom-scrolling keep affecting my ability to actually do anything that might actually help. The way i’ve been interacting on this site, trying to Stay Informed but blurring that line and crossing into constantly seeking more and more details that i NEED to admit i can’t handle, whether it’s the level of detail or the constantness of it or both…

the paralysis and anxiety and panic and - there’s an actual word for when you keep vividly imagining the absolute worst possible outcome but i can’t remember what it is, probably something else starting with “doom” - anyways the point is i clearly don’t have the ability right now to:

a) have any kind of ready access to The Horrors without making it… LITERALLY constant in my life. i don’t have the control to take it in measured doses, i need to recognize that if i have any kind of access all the time it WILL be a 100% deep dive nothing but the fucking trauma and abominations being inflicted on others in detail from the moment i get up until i finally clear my head enough to sleep for a few hours. which yeah i KNOW Palestinians in Gaza don’t GET that luxury it IS 24/7 all the time for them and I wouldn’t be complaint about that at ALL honestly if it weren’t for the fact that right now CLEARLY i do not have the fucking ability to

b) stop that from paralyzing me from any Real Action. It just locks me up. It SHOULDNT i should be able to compartmentalize that shit because physically for now i am fine my family is fine but instead i just fucking sit there , blankly staring as I scroll through atrocity after atrocity after atrocity that powerful governments are supporting, feeling like i cant do shit cuz it’s just getting worse and worse, then guilty that i feel like giving up, then GUILTY that i feel guilty because who am i trying to guiltrip here who CARES if I feel guilty when i’m not in the same situation they are they have it so much worse and they keep on going what would YOU do in that situation huh if you can’t even handle THIS - then that kicks of the vivid imaginings of me and my family experiencing that kind of slow death and dismemberment and being crushed by rubble then of course because we’re in america close to dc my brain jumps to nukes and how we’re in the zone JUST far away enough from DC for it not to kill us outright it would be slow and horrifying and painful and could i bring myself to at least get in the car and make it up to them so we could at least die together or would it be alone and afraid like all these people around the world are going through, that Palestine is going through, that my government is putting them through -

anyways it’s that spiral that keeps me sitting and scrolling and sitting and scrolling and wallowing in - what i genuinely thought was me just being a shitty fucking person but i realize now was actually genuinely - an anxiety attack (that’s the one that’s slow and creeping, right? panic is the fast sharp one) like an actual physically can’t shake myself out of “i forgot my brain was fucking broken, the adhd meds aren’t gonna magically fix everything” anxiety attack. Every goddamn day.

And let me be very clear again about my point here my point is not to try and guilt trip or garner sympathy my POINT is -

I cant do the kind of shit that actually helps anyone, in real fucking life, if I keep sending my brain into lockdown panic “All Is Lost, You Suck, Just Fucking Die” mode.

I want to be better, do better, be stronger, not have to look away at all. But I can’t trust myself not to fucking…. wallow in the goddamn despair of it all right now. So I need to take that option away.

Because who’s it really for, honestly? All the sharing and the posting? There’s a limit to what actually helps. The people following me have already made up their minds, one way or another. Sharing more of the same old shit isn’t going to actually CHANGE anything. Once youre through the new information of the day, the shit people actually need to know that they might not already… it feels like it’s just fucking… performative bullshit. like it’s all about making sure people SEE you still sharing all of this stuff. Oh look i’m still involved see how involved i am see how i’m still reading and sharing and posting all this stuff arent I a Good Activist?

What does any of that matter if it’s breaking my brain so much I can’t actually do any activism???

I would rather be considered weak and selfish by strangers on the fucking internet who don’t see me sharing as many posts as they think I should, but who ACTUALLY KEEPS WRITING the emails and MAKING the calls and SEEKING OUT events and disruptions and protests that maybe i can actually PARTICIPATE in

Than to keep showing off how i’m not “Looking Away” online but then spend every night sitting on my couch doing Fuck All about it, locked in a perpetual doom scroll through my For You page, imagining my flesh slowly burning and melting off as I hoist my whimpering dying dog’s body into the back of my car and desperately try to reach my parent’s house in time to say good bye and all go together, then shoving all that down into a flimsy box at the last minute to be able to smile at my mom and act like I just swung by to help with the floors instead of absolutely needing to see her and my father alive right now and touch them and fucking hate myself for indulging in that when Palestinians can’t so much that i force myself into an even deeper doom scroll next time as penance because how dare i look away for a MOMENT i can see them i can live i NEED to MAKE myself look at what’s happening-… rinse and repeat.

[katierosefun]

8 shows to get to know me / thanks for the tag, @kangseojoon!

1. beyond evil (2021)

2. my mister (2018)

3. doctor who (2005)

4. star wars: the clone wars (2008)

5. avatar: the last airbender (2005)

6. the boys (2019)

7. star trek: lower decks (2020)

8. be melodramatic (2019)

no pressure tags: @b1uetrees @pandora15 @stolen-pen-name23

[ccrabapples]

If I have to live in a landlocked state for the rest of my life i might just resort to violence

[thestrangestwatermelonofall]

I need to go on more long and pensive walks in my daily life. This is a necessity.