#in genuine distress like they’re talking shit about me

[toomx]

Every time someone says anything bad about a driver I like I take it far too personally I’m afraid

[sudokufriend]

disrespectfully, posting on the internet during a mental breakdown, or when you’re experiencing difficult emotions is not going to worsen your ‘spiralling’. when people frame their support by saying ‘get off the internet, it’s not helping you’ i really do believe that it’s more to get the person’s ‘difficult’ emotions out of their feed, because people who say this shit have no intention of comforting the person who’s experiencing a crisis. you (the poster) might want to remove some posts when you feel better, but no one should be telling you to sanitise yourself for your loved ones (on personal social media) or even for your followers.

this thought wasn’t even brought on by my own experiences of this, but when i do ‘crash out’ on my personal social media, the overwhelming reaction is inaction due to discomfort. people are afraid and disgusted by displays of negative emotion and don’t want that mess in front of them. and this is ostensibly from ‘autistics’ and ‘neurodivergents’ who say that they hate the question ‘how has your day been’ or ‘how are you’ because of its incuriosity. it doesn’t matter how ‘valid’ the struggling individual’s problems are, putting them on the internet or ‘inconveniencing’ your friends with them is an egregious faux pas and a sign that your distress is greatly exaggerated. like because the poster dared ask for attention they are no longer worthy of it.

you guys want to do mutual aid and community work so badly but you can’t even support a loved one who’s experiencing a crisis. many such cases!

advice below the cut

also if you respond to someone’s vent with ‘i don’t know what this is about but-’ or ‘i’m bad at comforting people but-’ i genuinely want you to stop and think about what the fuck you’re saying and how it would feel if someone said that same shit to you. like let’s use our brains here. if you’re responding to someone, you don’t need to add a disclaimer that you’re sooooo far removed from their personal demons that you couldn’t POSSIBLY fathom what they’re talking about. just be specific about their post. ‘i’m sorry that you’re struggling, and i want you to know that you can call on me any time you need. i love you and you will never be a burden to me.’ is way more effective than some useless ass ‘here for you xx’ that could not be more impersonal even if you sent a get better card with their name spelled wrong. like honestly people have you never comforted anyone before in your lives?

in igbo, our word for sorry is ‘ndo’. it is saying sorry without taking responsibility for the persons pain or the situation in and of itself. anglophones don’t have such a word so they default to ‘are you alright?’ which makes me see red. like no bitch i’m bleeding in front of you and you’re asking me if i’m ok. i’ll hit you. DONT send advice unless the person is actively looking for it. you telling them that they should leave the house more often or just ‘be active’ is so fucking victim blamey its insane. ‘hey man maybe you wouldn’t have been bullied in childhood if you exercised more <33’ like what the fuck. you can even extend an offer to meet up in person and hang out to distract them, or ask to hear what’s going on if you have the time and capacity to listen. even asking what would be most useful can be helpful. just do SOMETHING. a cry for help or attention is morally neutral, and caring about your community means internalising this.

[thecircularsystem]

You’ve talked a lot about how you’re happy to be a system, and how that helps inspire others. What do I do when I’m inspired by the miserable ones though? It’s been very helpful to see the fucked up shit I’ve dealt with, I’m not alone in. Can’t we have misery without it being non-recovery? Can’t I be miserable???

You’re absolutely allowed to be miserable. You’re absolutely allowed to struggle. And no, it’s not anti-recovery to struggle. It’s just… life.

It is inspiring when people talk about their struggles. I talk a lot more about the good than the bad because it’s personally better, for my health, to focus on the good. And I find that system spaces have a tendency to focus on the negative more than the positive, so I try to bring a focus to the positive there, so systems like me don’t feel quite as alone.

But that doesn’t mean misery is bad. It doesn’t mean misery isn’t worthwhile. And it definitely doesn’t mean anyone has to be positive (in any degree) about their disorder. Pushing for that type of toxic positivity (where you aren’t allowed to be miserable) is actually a major point of trauma for me, where I have struggled with burying those negative emotions for everyone else’s benefit.

We need the bad feelings to exist. Pain is there for a reason. Sadness. Fear. Anger. Those are a vital part of the experience of life. And when you have DID — a trauma disorder that causes a lot of distress for many people — you’re likely to feel those negative emotions. I mean, it’s a life-long disorder. While things can improve and get better, it doesn’t make the journey any easier now to know it’ll be easier later on. The journey sucks ass now!!

A vital part of my healing process has been accepting those negative emotions. Allowing myself to have them. Allowing myself to be miserable. Specifically, in a way that is healthy and doesn’t distress me to the point of dysfunction. And it’s hard! It’s hard to have those feelings and not spiral, due to what I’ve experienced.

So genuinely… yeah. It’s often also relieving to me to see others struggling the same way I have. And yes, it makes me feel less alone. I don’t want anyone to feel like they’re not allowed to struggle. And I firmly believe that people shouldn’t feel shamed for struggling, and shouldn’t feel that they aren’t allowed to discuss their trauma. I just… really hope they’re doing so in such a way that is not spiraling, or trauma flooding, or other things that are actively harmful for them. And that’s on me; I’ve been working on the concepts of the dignity of risk, and the idea that I do not need to save others from themselves. Your ask is a good reminder of that. I don’t need to mediate your misery; you should be allowed to feel it!!

I’m proud of you for finding inspiration, anon. I’m proud of you for accepting that misery is part of this situation. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience this, but it’s incredibly courageous to look at this experiences and own that suffering as part of it.

And please remember: suffering now does not mean you will not have moments of joy as well. You don’t even need to have the joy from your disorder; but you will have joy. In some format. A rainy day now doesn’t mean the sun will never shine again, after all. Don’t allow your suffering to take control of you — own it, feel it, comfort it, but don’t let it control you.

Good luck out there!

[ambyandony]

heres the limbo fusions with the rest of the vento aureo main protags

Limbo + Mista

Mimbo - any pronouns

"Are u lost bbygrl? :)"

(They give a weird stare if asked for a full name. They only use Mimbo, even though it’s a combination of Limbo’s forename and Mista’s surname.)

most stable Limbo fusion merely by virtue of Mista’s simple ability to just not give a fuck.

GET YOUR GUN OUT OF YOUR CLEAVAGE!

bitch gon step on my fuckin toe bitch with them fuckin cowgirl fuckin boots

VITALLY important that you know that despite being easily mistaken as fem on first glance, Mimbo also has the deepest voice of any Limbo fusion for literally no reason other than it’s funny to me. They also have sideburns

Stand: Mighty Wings - Redirects Signals. Still a colony Stand, looks like tiny little pastel fighter jets!

Limbo + Abbacchio

Lio Adkio - they/them

“Don’t say SHIT about my mascara or my eyeliner.”

“In fact, don’t fucking look at me or I’ll have to kill you or myselves.”

stable only because when Limbo started panicking in the mindspace, Abbacchio simply pointed and snapped at her to CALM THE FUCK DOWN. and she did so immediately.

nicer than Abbacchio. not by that much, though… but weirdly apologetic about it.

the eyeliner doesn’t appear to be due to crying, it seems that it just looks like that.

bazongas?

Stand: Keeping The Faith? Never Too Late? Shawty like a melody-

“rewinds” signals to previous states or connections and/or can do a “replay” of those signals’ succeeded actions (i.e. having a phone replay a prior conversation) Unfortunately, it’s pretty useless in combat.

Limbo + Giorno

Glimbo Giovadkins - she(?)/they/them

“Wouldn’t you like to hear one of my 765 fun facts about aerodynamics, animals or Air Bud?”

“I also have a few facts about botany, blood and birds.”

stable, until they’re not. they’re incredibly calm and delightful, but when they think someone’s mad at them they panic and start excessively apologising.

genuinely the softest cutest sweetest lil bitch you’ve ever seen. also traumatised with a guilty conscience and can flip on a dime in a terrifying way.

shortest Limbo fusion for no clear reason? shorter than both Limbo and Giorno.

Squalo’s worst fear.

sounds pretty much how you would expect.

Stand: Crystal Dolphin - can transform signals into life—by taking the signals out of something, typically disabling it, they can create life like Gold Experience can. The more complex the device, the bigger its potential creation.

Limbo + Buccellati

Bimbo Luno Adkellati - they/them

"...I've lost the conversation. I'm gonna go make pizza!"

Megan Thee Stallion?!

has no idea what’s going on for some reason? always looks a little confused and loses track of conversations very quickly.

very good with kids! practically unable to have a coherent conversation with Abbacchio. They don’t seem too distressed, but they just stop making much sense and seem to confuse themselves.

Stand: When Doves Cry? Perhaps Freewill? Uhm… I don’t know? Maybe it can sort of, ‘zip’ signals together, combining two or more functions into one sent signal? Bruno's ability is just so specific... I can't think of many ideas.

Limbo + Fugo

Fimbo (Pannalimbo Adkigo) - they/them

"STOP TALKING ABOUT FREUD BEFORE I KILL YOU WITH MY FUCKING BRACELETS!!!"

( Note: all currently depicted instances of Fimbo seem to be post-PHF, as Fimbo is almost always seen with the mouth scars hidden by the tattoo.)

enemy of the state. punches fascists. lovecore punk goth. in terms of authority figures they only respect Buccellati and Limbo’s dad.

AuDHD trauma poster child. Short fuse but very friendly until something sets them off and they start screaming and or burst into fucking tears.

Self-love in the sense that the fusionmates care about each other deeply and both sides are trying to look out for the other knowing the other won't look out for themself.

Stand: Cabin Fever - Terrifying deathly virus that, rather than being airborne like Purple Haze, is passed though signal transmission. Fimbo doesn’t know if the virus is the same as Purple Haze, a different strain of it, or something entirely different. It spreads most quickly through vocal communication between two people.

Limbo + Narancia

Nimbus Ghirgins - he/they/she

"tummyache... :("

Libby why does my stomach feel like it’s going to fucking collapse in on itself and why are my knuckles torn? aren’t they supposed to bruise when you punch?

bad relationship with food. Hanahaki disease, what are you doing here? (/ij)

sometimes they find Mista sitting around, sit next to him and fall asleep on him immediately

incredibly bad with emotions and doesn’t even get angry they just get overwhelmed instantly at any presence of significant emotion

Stand: Falling in Love/Hard on the Knees - who the fuck let this kid control CO2 emissions?? They can barely control themselves???

[nerves-nebula]

I sometimes get uncomfortable around arguments about if certain characters are abusive or not- obviously I see this the most with 2012 tmnt and nobody really needs my opinion but I keep thinking about it so here’s some words to chew on.

Keep in mind I haven’t seen much of 2012 so I’ll mostly be talking about the WAY I see these discussions being had here, rather than the show itself.

I doubt the creators intended for the turtles to be abusive and I kind of just assume that everything they do is within the genre of slapstick kids show. But I also don’t think people who cringe away from the way they treat each other are reading too much into it.

I’ve seen people argue that ppl who think the brothers are abusive just don’t have siblings and that’s an insane take to me. Obviously its probably hyperbole in some instances but as someone with more siblings than most of the people I know, I 100% see the abuse reading of this series. It’s a very obvious idea to latch onto for me as someone who HAS been abused by my siblings- and who’s probably been abusive too.

The main thing that really gets under my skin is when people point out how much the turtles actually care about each other as evidence against abuse. Cause that doesn’t make any sense ??? you can abuse people you love and care about deeply.

And it really rubs me the wrong way when I see a post that’s like Raph can’t be abusive because he does X nice/cute things with Mikey or something like. That’s not how abuse works. You guys have to know that right?? Abuse isn’t just a person being mean 24/7 without pause.

A bit of a tangent coming up, but growing up, I really hated Mabel from gravity falls. not because she is inherently any more annoying or selfish or anything than other characters but because the way she treated dipper was extremely triggering for me as a child with a lot of anxiety. Like if Mabel was real and my sibling, I would’ve considered a lot of the shit she did abusive. Obviously I’m normal about her now cause I’m not 12 anymore but the biggest hurdle about watching that show when I was younger was that I would sometimes be brought to tears of frustration, imagining how scared and distressed I’d be if Mabel did that shit to me.

THE POINT of this tangent is that saying “the 2012 turtles aren’t abusive because I do that stuff with my siblings all the time/cause teenage boys are just like that” isn’t a genuine critique because abuse isn’t just about the action it’s about the relationship. Punching your sibling who’s actually ok with being punched isn’t abuse. Punching your sibling who really doesn’t want you to, and who you KNOW really doesn’t want you to, and who you KNOW would be genuinely upset by being punched? That is abuse.

And I find it annoying because I think we’re all aware that abuse was likely not the intent of the show. (Probably not even the text of the show but once again can’t say for sure) Maybe some dysfunction for drama, but probably not abuse, so you’re really just arguing against someone’s headcanon/personal interpretation of this show. And it’s like.. ok you have a different reading cool I guess.

In the show they aren’t treated as abusive, but fandoms are built around exploring different aspects of art that weren’t explored in canon. So I guess idk why this is a big deal.

Idk I think people have this idea that abusive = evil and always wrong. But abuse is just someone hurting you repeatedly and refusing to stop for whatever reason.

And with a show like 2012 where it’s all played for laughs it can be hard to tell if that’s how they are with each other because they’re ok with it or if that’s how they are cause they don’t know any other way. The turtles are kind of really mean in 2012, and wether that’s a familiarity kind of meanness or not is up to you in fandom, yknow?

Does Mikey actually consider Raph hitting him as like a fun part if their banter or is he coping with jokes about being physically abused? You decide! Like genuinely it can be either and I think that’s fun!

I mean obviously you all know what i’d pick, but that’s because I’m blissfully aware of what I want out of stories and what i want is nuanced discussions of abuse.

Personally, I acted very similarly to the 2012 turtles when living with my siblings, but I didn’t actually fucking like it. It was a defense mechanism because being genuine would only be met with ridicule. So I’m not inclined to agree that it’s fine because it’s just what they do.

Once again though, I doubt it was on purpose. And if you don’t think that they’re abusive then congrats! The show probably doesn’t either! So I just don’t see why people get super upset about it. Don’t you love that someone got a different story out of the same media??

Anyway obviously it doesn’t super matter and I don’t really have a horse in this race. I just got a bit annoyed with the way abuse is discussed and as a hobbyist Abuse Analyst I thought I’d weigh in.

I wrote this instead of going to sleep and it’s sooo late and also so much longer that I meant for it to be… y’all better not have bad takes in response or I’ll be annoyed as hell tomorrow morning, guh.

[stari-hun]

Under the Oak Tree has this special quality of somehow having no chemistry but having very interesting and compelling characters. It’s Riftan. Riftan is the issue. They want a historical series but they’re ignoring that the core appeal of a historical series is an easy meet cute of an arranged marriage, fancy social etiquette, and most importantly the fashion. Riftan isn’t a historical ML in the way people like it cause he’s not just a gentleman wearing historical inspired clothing and or armor, he’s genuinely a misogynist controlling man and I’m like 😭😟 spooky. It’s giving that one sentient gingerbread man book that was randomly set in like the Victorian era with an extremely abusive husband that’s NEVER warned about in most of the reviews.

Like you come into the series and see a FL who’s neglected and mistreated by her family and ur like dope, this is a trope since the founding fanfics of Wattpad. The trope is ex common but it’s like a Sold to One Direction kinda thing, it’s a core part of the history of modern writing. Angst is such a popular genre and people love whump, like it’s good. ITS COMMON BUT ITS GOOD. People love overdone tropes cause even if it’s done a lot it’s easy to do well. Under the Oak Tree does SO well with Maxi’s trauma and she feels like such a human character. But then Riftan is just like- The appeal of the whump is that someone comes in and comforts the person and saves them from their past life. Riftan fr just comes in picks her up without a word, no communication, no nothing, constantly angry at her because she’s fearful of him and had no idea about their engagement (despite knowing that her father hated him and wanted him dead, so there would’ve been no reason to give her hope that she’d be saved from her household by a man soon to die). He’s just not comforting or appealing outside of sex appeal and smut TT, like he literally isn’t around for the first like what? 80 chapters unless it’s getting mad at her, degrading her and telling her to just be a decoration, or smut. LIKE GIVE US SUBSTANCE. Than her distress with him all the time is so scary and unnerving TT , it literally feels like for the first 2 seasons that she’s literally just having a fawn response around him and that’s why she seems to handle his presence. Not to mention that entire arc where any time she’d try to talk to him and have a genuine conversation as partner, he’d just kiss her and shut her up which was SOOOO weird.

He’s just SOOOO. It’s so weird. They only seem to like being around after 100 chapters. AND EVEN THEN IN THE TRAVELING TO THE SEA ARC HES UNRIGHTFULLY RUDE RUDE TO HER. literally anyone who spent all of their time locked up inside and doing close to no movement besides walking around and collecting plants for close to a year would struggle with a journey like that. In fact Maxi was a whole trooper, I’ve spent a whole day on horseback before and I literally couldn’t walk the next day and I was aching for 2 after that.

The appeal of the angsty insecure protagonist with a past like that is that the new environment welcomes them with full acceptance and love. RIFTAN ISNT LOVING SHIT. HE LIKES THE IDEA OF MAXI AS A NOBLE LADY. Sure we’re likely gonna see a generic plotline later of ohhh I met you as a child and you changed meeeeeeee, forgive all my bad traits and how I hurt you let’s make out ~~~~ but NO???? I REFUSE TO TAKE THAT TBH. He causes her so much more distress and it feels like another “My Husband Who Hates Me Has Lost His Memories” , like just a female protagonist enduring extreme constant emotional distress and trauma at the hands of the male lead but we’re supposed to just support their romance because ohhhh he doesn’t know what he’s doing despite being a full adult with autonomy and the life exp and capabilities to understand his actionssss. Noooo support their romance even though he’s constantly putting her in bad situations and she’s never been as happy with him as she does with women she’s just met in that hour.

TLDR: I wish authors would stop being insane and making their status of in the closet everyone else’s issue in the historical genre. Like pls stop cooking up the most divine wlw then force feed us abusive comphet, I see you, please free yourself babe.

[queer-reader-07]

few things bother me more than people saying that it’s “dumb” or “intentional ignoring” or “impossible” to have interpreted crowley and aziraphale’s relationship platonically.

and look i could go on about all the things that do point to romance but enough people have done that so i’m gonna defend myself here and explain why i read them as platonic for so long and why i think it’s perfectly reasonable to have read them platonically.

and a disclaimer that all of this is from my perspective and my opinion. so if i make a statement as though it’s matter of fact, know that i’m speaking from my perspective and just can’t be bothered to preface every sentence with “in my opinion…”

and it mostly boils down to one thing: their love reflected the love me and my friends have for each other.

so no shit i interpreted them platonically because they looked like my real life platonic relationships!!

i’ve talked at length about how i think there’s a specificity to the way queer people love. i think there’s something special about the way queer people show love, especially platonic love.

here’s the thing. i’ve been mistaken as my best friend of 16 years’ girlfriend more than once. i’ve been mistaken as one of my other best friend’s partner so many times her friends were genuinely shocked when she got a boyfriend because they thought she was dating me.

i understand the whole “being so platonically in love that people think you’re also fucking” situation. i unironically live that situation on the regular. so naturally i assumed that’s what was happening with aziraphale and crowley.

my thought process was basically this

1) they love like i love (specifically, crowley loves like i love). therefore, they’re platonically in love.

2) weird, everyone on the internet is convinced they’re dating. something something everyone values romantic love over platonic love

3) well whatever they’re still platonic in my heart

and it stayed like that quite literally until i watched episode 6 of season 2. and you can tell me i was being oblivious all you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that i genuinely believed they were platonic. queer platonic? sure. but definitely not romantic.

i saw all the witty quips and banter between the two of them and didn’t read any sexual or romantic tension, i read friendship. i saw aziraphale damsel in distress-ing himself on the regular so crowley could save him and thought “well it’s the only way he can spend time with crowley. checks out”. and i saw the bandstand breakup and the burning bookshop and “you told my only friend to shut his mouth and die and i did. not. care. for it.” and aziraphale so desperately trying to shield crowley from the horrors of the world and obviously i saw love. a love that is deep and profound, yes. it just never read romantic to me because i would do and say all of those things for and to my friends.

one of the few things i will never cease to find joy in is my friendships. i will ALWAYS love loving the people close to me, i will ALWAYS support them, and most importantly, i ALWAYS want to protect them. even when i know what is going to happen is inevitable, i don’t want to see them hurt. i want to shield them from the cataclysmic experience of the human condition and only have to experience in the moments of joy that await them. i don’t want to see the people i love hurt or in pain or jaded by how fucked up the world is.

because i already am those things. i am jaded by the world, i’m constant falling into the pit of cynical despair that the state of the world can manage to throw you down. and i know how fucking hard it is to pull yourself out of that place, to find hope and move forward and allow yourself to even enjoy the love and support you do have in life.

and the last thing i ever want is for the people i love dearly to experience those things.

so yeah. i related hard fucking core to crowley and the way he loves aziraphale SO. FUCKING. DEEPLY. and of course i read it platonically because it’s platonic for me. so deeply platonic in the best way.

and i could go on about how a lot of this stems from how much i value platonic love. how much i don’t adhere to social norms of love and how people express love. i will loudly proclaim my love for my friends, because i love them. i’m in love with them. but that doesn’t mean i want to date them or kiss them. and that makes perfect sense to me, and if it doesn’t make sense to you. well then, idk what to tell you.

this is longer than i intended but my point is that it hurts seeing people who act like those of us who did genuinely read aziracrow as platonic the first go around are stupid or that we chose to ignore the romance.

because, to me at least, it always felt like people were calling the way i love stupid or that i’m actually ignoring my “real” feelings

[livingthedragonlife]

Rook Plants Ask Game

I decided to answer all the questions in that ask game i reblogged yesterday and im going to post all the answers for fun <3

[the ask game in question]

[my Rook, real name Valonril, also Val, I’ll be using all 3 interchangeably]

🌻 How old is your Rook? How do they feel about celebrating their birthday? What gift has meant the most to them?

Val is 28 and happy about it! There was a time in his life that he didn’t think he would make it this far, so he makes sure to celebrate every year. Mostly alone, doing a special thing for himself, but he isn’t averse to small get-together or gifts.

The best gift he’s ever gotten was from a close friend in the Veil Jumpers—custom archery gloves, when he decided that a bow would be his weapon of choice. For many years, he’s lovingly kept up maintenance of the leather and repaired any damage they receive.

🪻 What is the most painful injury your Rook has received? How has it affected them once it healed/scarred?

Rook is on the list of people who have broken their bones falling off an aravel. He broke his leg, which absolutely fucking sucked while traveling. It wasn’t so bad when they finally set up camp, because being a craftsmaster’s apprentice meant he was sitting down to do most of his work, and didn’t have to go very far when he needed something. It healed mostly without incident, but he can always tell when it’s going to rain when his left leg randomly starts aching.

The rest are under the cut because this is very long!!

🌹 What’s the first genuine fight Rook got in with their love interest about? How was it resolved?

Val romanced Davrin, and they’re kind of the inverse of each other? Rook is a silly, goofy guy to hide his stress and dark thoughts, while Davrin is very serious to hide his gooey caramel center and devastating survivor’s guilt. They can kind of talk past each other in times of emotional distress. 

There are times when it seems like Rook really isn’t taking shit seriously, and that upsets Davrin for obvious reasons. Meanwhile, Rook is taking everything so seriously that he’s working overtime trying to make sure nobody notices. Being accused of not caring, of joking around too much to keep some fucking levity in his life, set him off real bad. Davrin doesn’t get why Val can’t just be serious about this, people’s lives are at stake, and Val is like I AM!!! YOU LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW CAREFULLY I AM CONSIDERING THIS, ON PURPOSE, LET ME HAVE ONE (1) JOKE. 

They go cool off and come back to talk about it later. It’s a moment where they get to understand each other better.

🌸 Does your Rook have any siblings or close friends they see as such? Where are they during the events of Veilguard?

No siblings, but he had/has close friends! 

Isera was his childhood best friend from his clan, they always talked about being sisters like Andruil and Sylaise, because she was the hunter, and Val was the creative one. Their relationship stumbled when he came out, because they both really leaned hard on that “sisters” thing, and he was worried he’d lost her. When Val explained his connection to June to her, she went, “So we’re not Andruil and Sylaise. Because you’ve been June all along, Sylaise’s husband.” And then he started crying and they hugged it out. She was the first person he talked to about leaving his clan to join the Veil Jumpers. She was sad to see him go, but fully supported his need to move on. He misses her a lot, but they had the most closure of any of his relationships from his clan, and he’s more or less at peace with not having her in his life anymore.

Eloren, another Dalish elf from the Veil Jumpers, was another close friend, and one person he saved during that mission where he lost the map. They were fresh recruits together and bonded over not knowing what the fuck was going on, ever. At a certain point, Val felt comfortable enough to come out and Eloren went “YO ME TOO” so they then instantly bonded over being trans men as well (though Eloren leans more he/they transmasculine). For a very long time, they were inseparable, and they even had a Thing (sexual) for a little while. It was really healing for Val to get to directly talk about his problems with someone who could relate, and give him hope for his transition since Eloren was much farther along when they met than he was (his clan was a lot nicer about it than Val’s, which he was envious of but also glad for—it meant not all clans were like his). Obviously when Rook left with Varric, their relationship paused, but when he came back they picked up right where they left off as besties. Eloren is doing Veil Jumpers things for the duration of the game, and he survives to the end. Because I said so.

🌾 If there was a demon trying to trap/take over Rook, what kind would be the most successful? What would break their hold?

Despair demons have a particular affinity for targeting Val already. He has a lot of baggage from the transphobia he experienced in his clan and after, and ruined his relationship with both his parents about it. It is, unfortunately, very easy to bring him back to that place of despair, living a lie because it makes other people happy, feeling like something’s wrong but nobody believes him, walking on eggshells around people who are supposed to love him. The betrayal from his family and some of his other clanmates, and having to make the heart wrenching choice to leave all of them behind, even the ones who supported him. Every time they fight despair demons, Rook is not having a good time. This is all in addition to how despaired he would be if the demon decided to target his fear of letting down his team/everyone dying because of his actions.

I think a desire demon might get him too, though. Getting access to HRT and top surgery (“surgery”) was hard enough, he’s worried there might never be a way to get him the body he truly desires, outside of blood magic. It would be harder to get him, but if a desire demon promised him magic bottom surgery, and made a convincing enough argument? He would really be at risk of taking that deal.

What would snap him out of it… In the case of the despair demon, reminder that he doesn’t exist to please other people, for sure. He doesn’t exist to serve the whims of people who won’t respect him anyway, and the reminder that he already figured that shit out—it’s why he left his clan, he was sick of stifling himself for the sake of others. And/or being reminded that people love and respect him as a leader, and that he has friends/loved ones who will be there for him if and when something bad happens. Pretty straightforward “your mental illness is wrong” solution.

In the case of the desire demon, that’s a tougher one. It’s harder to get him into the demon’s hold, so it’ll also be harder to get him out—because if it can convince him it has what he wants, he’s really bought in hard. It’s what he’s been chasing for his entire transition, and getting him to “give it up” will be a fight for whoever’s attempting to get him to see reason. I think teasing apart the fact that the demon’s offer is inherently suspicious would loosen the grip at least a little. If demons could do this, it would be happening all over Thedas. Even if they can, making a deal with a demon never goes well. Plus, he always said he wanted to do it without blood magic—how far is he willing to bend his values? Not convincing him that he doesn’t need/shouldn’t want it, per se, but that this isn’t how he wants it, and he knows that deep down. And if you know him particularly well, the reminder that not having his perfect body doesn’t mean he’s not a man, and that the demon is doing exactly what his parents/clanmates did to him: trying to mold him for its own desires for what it thinks he should be, with no regard for his actual wellbeing. 

He would be deeply unwell after either of these encounters! <3

🌱 Was Rook involved romantically with anyone before Veilguard? What was their partner like? How did the relationship end?

Val had some short-lived relationships both in his clan—less than 6 months in every case. They were awkward at best, due to in part being a closeted gay trans teenager who didn’t understand why he really liked boys but… not like this. Even after he came out, and very early on HRT, he still felt like he was expected the play the role of a woman/girl even though his partner would call him by the correct words. Especially during sex, he hated sex for a very long time. And that was without the explicitly transphobic stuff he was going through. Pretty much every relationship at this point in his life fizzled out or ended on bad terms.

The Veil Jumpers introduced him to more people in general, and more trans people, including more trans Dalish elves. He did not feel even a little comfortable with a romantic relationship at that point in his life, mid-transition and pre-top surgery, especially considering how poorly the others in his life had been. After top surgery, though, he basically immediately entered his Slut Era, and though he does still have bottom dysphoria, not having boobs really changed the game for him. He was confident enough to enjoy being naked, and uh that really improves one’s sex life! His relationships after that were still pretty short-lived—though he got up to a year and a half once!—but he was much happier during them, and they ended amicably much more often. After Strife told him to get the fuck out, he hadn’t been intimate with anybody in a while and obviously was a little too busy for it while travelling around with Varric and Harding. 

🌼 If someone was to ask Spite what Rook smells like, what would he say?

Rook probably smells like the magic herbs from his HRT potion and leather cleaning supplies from when he cares for his armor. So in my best impression of Spite’s words, he smells like, “plants and tallow.” 

Making it better: “Plants and tallow. Always cultivating, maintaining, his body and others.” 

🌷If Rook needed to get away from their responsibilities for a moment, where would they go? Where is their safe space outside the Lighthouse?

He’d probably go fuck around in the woods honestly. He’d take his puzzle and some snacks and go hike around Arlathan for however long he needs to in order to feel normal again. But really, anywhere quiet with his beloved June’s Knot is his safe space. He wants to be alone with his object.

🥀 What figure from Rook’s personal past would be added to the regret prison?

Rook will always regret leaving his clan at least a little, and a big part of that is because he misses his craftsmaster, Hanarel. The man became his surrogate dad after his actual dad turned out to be a transphobic asshole, and his mom turned out to be too busy hand-wringing over their deteriorating relationship to protect him from it. As Rook was his apprentice, Hanarel would constantly “ask him to work late” (translated: allow him to stay late and do busywork to avoid his family) to make sure he was doing alright, and went out of his way to use proper masculine suffixes for him even before he started HRT or anything, when he still looked like a cis girl and most people would forget (or “forget”). Rook never properly thanked him for giving his young trans self a safe(r) space, and being a positive masculine role model for him. He wishes he would have done it before he left his clan for the Veil Jumpers, but he was so anxious to leave that unsafe environment, he just bounced without thinking about it. It eats at him sometimes. 

🪷 Does your Rook have an irrational phobia? (ie spiders or large man-made objects submerged underwater)

Rook is terrified of heights. Every time he uses the ziplines he is praying to gods he’s not even sure he respects anymore. He is forced to climb up so many things in this game and he’s shaking and sweating and sobbing and throwing up the whole time.

🍀 Has Rook had any near-death experiences? What went through their mind during what they thought was going to be their final moments?

It would be hard to go through this whole game and not have a few. During that double blighted dragon fight he absolutely had one.

The first thing he would think, hitting the ground and bleeding out, would be “I failed.” He was supposed to defeat the gods, it was his responsibility, and he fucked it up. So many people are going to suffer now, because of him. He’d think about all the work he’d done, left unfinished. And then he’d think about his clan, his family and friends, the people he hadn’t spoken to in years, even if he was sure some of them never wanted to see him again. He would want to apologize to his team for not being able to lead them, and in this particular scenario of the double dragon fight, he would wish he said something to Davrin while he had the chance.

And then he lives!! Hooray!

💐 What is the relationship Rook has with their faction mentor? What was the moment they sent Rook away like? 

Strife and Valonril weren’t, like, adversaries? But it was apparent early on that Val was gonna do his own thing, and they didn’t always see eye to eye. He respects Strife for his knowledge and experience, he would never say the man is stupid or a bad leader. But also, you know, sometimes his orders are wrong and dumb. Strife thinks Rook is this close to being a loose cannon, but he keeps saving lives and being stubbornly determined at all costs and getting people to like him. They respect each other, but different philosophies in leadership make their relationship kinda tense.

The moment Strife sent him away was closer to a “you can’t fire me, I quit!” on Rook’s part tbh. He refused to budge on his conviction that the team’s lives were more important than that stupid ass map, and the argument that ensued from that stubbornness was explosive. Val stomped off, indignant, leaving Strife huffing and puffing with equal rage. When they meet again after Solas’ ritual, they do that thing where they narrow their eyes at each other and quietly decide that they can put the past aside… for now.

🌺 Is there an object from Rook’s childhood they look back on fondly? (ie a favorite stuffed animal, book, or food)

Valonril still carries around a June’s Knot he was given while in his clan. It was his favorite toy as a kid, and became a fidget toy as he grew up. It’s an impossible puzzle, built so it can never be solved, and since the game has never depicted one, I’ve imagined it as a 3D sliding block puzzle. If it could be solved, it would create a smooth surface on all sides, but there’s always at least one block out of place disrupting the shape. He can almost-solve it as many times as he wants, in countless ways, and often uses it to help himself focus or keep his hands busy while doing something else. He takes it literally everywhere.

🌿 Does your Rook have any tattoos? What was the moment when they got them like? If they’re a Crow where is their de Riva brand located? What vallaslin do they have/how did they earn it if they’re Dalish?

Val is Dalish and has some non-culture related tattoos! For fun! If Veilguard was based, he would also have piercings 

He has the vallaslin of June, the god of crafts. It’s both a practical meaning, because Rook was the craftsmaster’s apprentice before he left his clan, and a personal one. In the myths about June told by his clan, June “created himself” and as a trans man that story always resonated with him. He got his vallaslin right on time at 18, and picked it for those two reasons.

His other two tattoos are on his chest and right arm. The one on his chest is the little swirly/diamond design, he got it to commemorate his top surgery after it fully healed. The sleeve on his right arm is something he’s just doing for funsies—he started it while in the Veil Jumpers and unfortunately had to stop before the design was complete because Strife told him to fuck all the way off. He plans to finish it at some point!

The “unfinished” part would be that he wanted it to go all the way up and over his shoulder and cover the back of his arm, but as you can see, it is not that way.

🍂 What was it like the first time Rook killed someone? How did they react afterwards?

Oh, he was unwell.

Rook was not a hunter, and hadn’t so much had killed an animal (on purpose, anyway) before joining the Veil Jumpers. He knew the necessity of hunting and saw the hunters in his clan carrying back fresh animals, so doing that didn’t bother him so much. He had to fight sentinels in Arlathan, which was difficult physically, but not emotionally. 

Killing a person? Horror unmatched. It was in self-defense, when he and a small group of other Veil Jumpers ran into some thieves who were trying to steal some artifacts and wouldn’t take “please stop” for an answer. But he did not have a good time and it’s a big part of why he’s pretty obsessed with saving people’s lives.

[manofmanymons]

Can i give you an excuse to talk more about takuma x kaito? They are just so precious to me. It's one of my favourite digimon pairing ever.

Beloved anon, you have opened the biggest can of worms I even have to open. You know not what you have unleashed. That being said, here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna start with a couple small silly hc’s I have about them, then we’re gonna work our way up to the things I have entirely too much to say about.

Also please know that my genuine reaction to finishing this ask and getting ready to post this was:

The sillies

They get in “I insist” wars sometimes, by which I mean they both always want to be the one to do things for the other. “Likes to take care of people” bf x “self worth based largely on his usefulness” bf. The end result is them just sneakingly doing chores for each other. In Takuma’s case, I like to think it’s bc that’s how his mom shows affection, and he totally gets it from her. With Kaito, it would start out as a “feels like he has to earn Takuma’s love because he doesn’t think he deserves it” thing but eventually turn into a “just really likes making Takuma smile” thing.

They stare at each other a lot. Takuma always does it on accident and usually for one of two reasons. Reason #1: he just likes looking at Kaito. Call him sappy, but he thinks his bf is very handsome and he likes looking at him. Reason #2: he’s trying to gauge what kind of mood Kaito is in before approaching him and completely accidentally stares at him for way too long. At first it creeps Kaito out a little and he’ll ask “the hell’re you looking at me like that for?” Eventually, though, he gets used to it and will pretend he doesn’t notice. Kaito does it on purpose whenever he wants attention but is too embarrassed to ask for it. Literally just glares at Takuma until he notices.

I don’t see either of them as the jealous type, but I do see both of them as the overprotective type. Someone looks at Takuma wrong and Kaito already wants them dead. Takuma gets very defensive if anyone other than Miu or Dracmon insinuates that anything is wrong with Kaito and WILL argue about it.

They’re both the kinda boys to ask “can I kiss you?” change my mind.

Neither of them have ever really done this whole dating thing before. Takuma has had a few girlfriends, but in the very elementary/middle school sense of basically just being friends who hold hands sometimes and get teased by their friends at recess—never in the “I am actually in love with this person” way. Kaito 100% one of those kids who always thought romance was stupid and made fun of other people for caring about it. Probably thought he was so cool for it, too. He didn’t even know he was capable of having a crush until Takuma happened. He’s mildly distressed at first that apparently everyone Takuma has ever liked before him has been a soft spoken, cute girl, but he gets over it eventually.

My dog just sat down directly on my face and I can’t see shit why did I let him onto my bed with me oh my god get him off of me HELP.

There was a time where Takuma was afraid to hug or even really touch Kaito at all in public because he was worried Kaito would hate it. Now he knows he can get away with it and is a menace. #1 hobby: making the bf blush and pout at him.

Takuma texting Miu for advice about what Kaito likes vs. Kaito texting Minoru to ask what Takuma likes. Miu and Minoru hate this but go along with it because unfortunately they love those idiots and want them to be happy. Technically Minoru promised he wouldn’t tell any of their mutual friends about Kaito being a sappy dork, but he never said anything about not telling Kaito’s sister.

Long thoughts

I think I said it before, but now I’m going to elaborate. You know the whole "fell first/fell harder" thing? Well I think Takuma fell first (but didn’t notice) while Kaito fell harder. Takuma knowing Kaito for like five minutes and already deciding he really likes this boy for some reason. They get through part 3 and now he really *really* likes this boy, but he mostly chalks it up to "I'm just happy he's here bc it means we are not all dead." Of course he's gonna kinda admire someone like that and want to get to know them better. And if he starts finding him cute and purposely seeking him out when he's nervous, well, that's just guy stuff.

vs. Kaito who’s stuck with this weird dude who won't stop staring at him and asking too many invasive questions, but he tolerates it because he's gonna need help to protect Miu and also not die. Except the more time goes by, the more this weird dude keeps being really nice to him, which is perhaps the weirdest thing of all. And he even seems to genuinely care about Miu and okay that's new. THEN he starts acting like how Kaito feels about things actually matters, and it kinda feels like a trap, but it isn't. And okay, yeah, maybe having someone pay so much attention to him is Not Terrible. Maybe being honest with someone other than his partner (who kinda has to like him) without being afraid of how they'll react is also Not Terrible. Maybe it's a little confusing why being around someone he trusts would keep making him feel nauseous and like the room is on fire, but maybe, for some weird reason, that's Not Terrible either. Maybe all of those things are even...nice. And if he thinks that perhaps he'd do anything to get this weird, annoying, invasive boy home safely, well, it's not...NOT because he loves him.

ALSO said before but would like to elaborate: I just love the idea of Kaito getting along really well with Takuma’s mom. First adult to not treat him like he’s crazy for getting stressed out over completely reasonable things like “my 11 year old sister is out past sunset and not answering the phone.” It’s kind of a nightmare for Takuma because his mother LOVES to tell the most embarrassing stories about when he was a kid that he was planning on taking to the grave, but it’s also kind of wonderful that his favorite people like each other so much. Plus, if being a little embarrassed is the price he has to pay for hearing Kaito laugh, it’s worth it.

Takuma’s mom to me has big islander mom energy, like she would instantly decide that Kaito is her child now after knowing him for two seconds. One time when Takuma was like 4 he accidentally killed a goldfish and now his mother does not trust him to keep anything alive. That being said, if Kaito gets sick or injured, Takuma’s mom will insist on taking care of him bc she doesn’t think Takuma can do it lol.

They ALSO get in the “I insist” wars tho lol like Kaito will try to help with the dishes and she’ll be like “nonsense, I’m the host, you just make yourself at home” but then Kaito will counter with “if I was at home, I would do the dishes.” It’s a battle of sheer stubbornness that either of them will win on any given day.

…Takuma reading that people tend to look for partners that are similar to their parents and at first going “pff yeah right” but then seeing that happen and going “oh no.”

And for my last thing I could talk a lot about…I dunno if I’ve ever just talked about why I ship it.

First and foremost, and I just really love their friendship. I mean, yeah, like everyone else who’s played this game, of COURSE I noticed that Kaito is constantly blushing while talking to Takuma, but that’s not really why I like seeing them together. I like how quickly Takuma catches on to the fact that Kaito’s a lot nicer than he pretends to be. I like how he notices that Kaito is a perfectly calm and rational person when it comes to anything NOT involving Miu. I like how happy it makes Dracmon that someone understands his partner so well. I like that the correct dialogue option for Kaito is pretty much always just to be straightforward and honest with him. I feel like it sets up a really lovely dynamic between the two of them where Takuma knows he can always be honest with Kaito, and Kaito can trust Takuma enough to take what he says at face value. Especially love it in the scene where Takuma is nervous, and if you pick the option to hide it, Kaito will get annoyed at him for wasting time standing around talking; but if you pick the option to tell the truth, Kaito will soften up and try to help him. I like how patient Takuma is with Kaito and how he never snaps at him even when Kaito’s being a little unreasonable or isn’t articulating what he actually means very well. I like how, for all his trust issues, Kaito straight up tells Takuma that he thinks of him as the group’s leader and depends on him. I think Takuma’s comment that hearing that makes him happy is super cute. Kaito insisting Takuma is wrong when he’s accused of secretly wanting to protect everyone, not just Miu, in early game vs him finally admitting it to Takuma late in the game. They’re just so comfortable with each other in a way that I find very endearing. Especially knowing everything Kaito’s been through, it makes me so happy that there’s someone he trusts so much and who is genuinely unconditionally kind to him. They’re so supportive of each other, and I am fully willing to believe that they really do love each other as friends.

THEN getting into the shippy parts. Still not emotionally over Takuma literally thinking that Kaito is cute. Still never letting go of him purposely complimenting Kaito for no reason just to see him flustered. Never letting them live down talking about how good friends they are and then REVERSE no-homoing the moment by explicitly saying they DON’T think of each other like brothers. What the hell WAS that? WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH KAITO FREAKING TF OUT WHEN TAKUMA SAID HE WAS HAPPY THEY MET ONLY TO CALM DOWN AND THEN GENTLY SMILE AND SAY “I guess it ain’t so bad if you’re the one saying it…Maybe.” WHAT DID HE MEAN BY THAT? I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE. WHAT WAS UP WITH MIU’S REACTION TO KAITO STRAIGHT UP TRYNA TO MURDER TAKUMA THAT ONE TIME? GOING “AWWWW” AND SAYING IT LOOKS LIKE KAITO WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH TAKUMA INSTEAD OF BEING LIKE “BRO CALM TF DOWN.” PERSON WHO KNOWS HIM BEST IN THE WORLD SAYING THEY GET ALONG WELL AND IT LOOKS LIKE LAKFDJADFKJA;DLKFJALDKJA. The way Takuma looks and sounds so excited to see Kaito again in part 3 is literally the reason I accused him of falling first like he did not have to be THAT happy. PLUS THAT TIME IN PART 4 WHERE HE STARES AT KAITO’S FACE FOR SO LONG THAT KAITO NOTICES LMAO? GAYASS. His stupid little ^_^ after Kaito gets embarrassed in that scene too jfc you are NOT beating the allegations, Takuma. And okay time to circle back around to the blushy thing. If it was JUST the occasional .////. I wouldn’t read too deep into it because he literally also makes that face when Dracmon and Miu are nice to him, so I think Kaito just legitimately doesn’t know how to respond to affection. But it is CONSTANT and ALSO I think it’s sus that Dracmon always points it out. Like his partner KNOWS he’s gay panicking and is purposely drawing attention to it as a way of getting Takuma to notice that “hey this loser REALLY likes you.” I mean seriously WHY else go out of the way to point it out every single time. Also the stuttering. Why are you, as a serious, no nonsense, tough guy, stuttering so much when a cute boy is nice to you? You thought we wouldn’t notice, but we did.

They're honestly the most disgustingly fluffy corny schoolgirl-with-a-crush type ship I've ever shipped. I hate them so much.

Just,,,gay boy in a small town where he can't be himself falling for a boy who is so very kind to him. Not expecting to ever be loved back bc people never like him, much less love him. Trying to hide his affection so he doesn't get hurt, but always wearing his heart on his sleeve no matter how much he tries to pretend he isn't. Somehow against all perceived odds actually in fact being loved back. Struggling to comprehend that someone not only loves him, not only wants him, but even enjoys taking care of him without expecting anything back.

Anyways here are some memes and cats that remind me of them:

[acatnamedlulu]

Memory unlocked-

So when I was in like, 1st (1st-ish??) grade, we read a story about these little talking forest animals, and the badger or something is baking a cake. But all his friends keep showing up unannounced and for some reason they’re all like “oh here! I got this!” and I swear, I don’t even think any of them asked, they just like, commandeered the entire table and started ruining everything?? 😅 And the badger’s like “wait, the recipe!” but his friends keep turning their noses up and ignoring him and being like “nah nah, I can do this better”. Even the ones who are genuinely trying to be nice are still just ignoring him. And they all leave, and when the badger puts the cake in the oven, of course it turns out like this, inedible tar.

And stupid me, I thought he was gonna be like “guys I know you wanted to help, but everything got ruined and you didn’t listen to me” and then the friends would apologize and try to make up for it. But like, that’s not even what happened, because the badger just threw the fucked up cake away, made a brand new one and was like “look guys, we all made this” to make them all feel good about themselves.

It’s been about 20 years and deadass, this shit still haunts me. I remember feeling so distressed over that stupid badger because his friends be barging into his house, getting in the way, fuckin’ up his hobbies like they own the place and they basically got rewarded for being rude 😂 I was pissed about it after I got home from school but I knew if I brought it up, I’d get made fun of.

Anyway, I got diagnosed with autism as an adult.

[etcseacow]

How do Moe and Gil handle each others lower / harsher moods? Both of them are mentally ill as shit. (If this topic isn't something you'd like to touch on feel free to skip it but I think there's a LOT of gooood hurt/comfort opportunity in this ship)

Oh they absolutely are.

They both have poor self esteem and struggle with loneliness. Interestingly, while Moe tends to become very pessimistic, Gil actually tries to be optimistic. Even if Gil gets upset, 5 seconds later he’s often trying to plaster some kind of cheer on the situation.

Of course there’s a point where he’s literally just:

Meanwhile, Moe gets mean when he’s upset. He’s always got that little nasty voice in his head. It makes him feel bad about himself but also makes him want to make others feel just as bad as he does. A part of him is aware of it and tries to ignore it, but sometimes it’s hard to think rationally when you’re upset.

Early on, when Moe accidentally takes out his irritation on Gil, Gil attempts to accept it as his own fault. He’s used to having a partner that indicates they don’t like him because of his screwups. The behavior in itself reminds him of his failed marriage and that distresses him. Since Gil likes to pretend things are fine, it’s often hard for Moe to catch onto. He def feels bad when Gil is visibly upset tho and awkwardly (but genuinely!) apologizes.

Much later (probably with the confidence boost of the alt persona and not having to deal with Shirley by this point) Gil absolutely does not tolerate cruel words to be thrown at him. It becomes a unique dominance because Moe is almost never challenged when he gets angry. When he throws a fit in his bar and baseball bats booze bottles, his customers bolt out of the tavern. He points a shotgun at his friends, they just kinda drunkenly let the whole threat roll off of them like it’s not a big deal. No one really holds him accountable for his temper and its consequences, at best it’s him who occasionally considers dialing it back.

But Gil basically goes “excuse me?” and it reminds Moe to analyze the way he’s acting, realize he’s just being plain mean to someone he cares about. More often than not this actually startles Moe and makes him upset in the opposite direction (aka Niagara Falls). To which Gil becomes more agreeable to comforting him rather than confronting him. Particularly because the whole temper problem Moe struggles with stems from deeper issues.

Both men also have depression and suicidal tendencies. Gil mainly experiences the worst of it right after his divorce and it gets much better after he gets together with Moe. It’s more situational than anything. Moe’s own outrage on Gil’s behalf is a big help in rationalizing that not everything is always his fault.

However, Moe deals with very long term depression. It’s rooted in his upbringing and poor relationships. Gil learns how greatly this impacts Moe’s moods and as he gains his own confidence, he starts trying to unravel Moe. Moe does not like to think about his childhood because he knows it makes him upset.

Gil and Moe actually get in few arguments, they’re very similar so there’s lacking conflict, but this topic is an argument starter and it’s one Gil will push on even if he knows Moe will react badly. But inevitably it’s talked through and Moe ends up more interested in being hugged by Gil than being mad at him.

Both tend to revert to touch tactics when comforting; for Moe it’s because it’s natural response, for Gil it’s because he knows Moe is very receptive to it.

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

another snippet... michelle happens to run into trent crimm on her visit to england, very briefly. (timeline? what timeline. i did not check a timeline)

(ao3.)

The man bumps into her, and then says, voice crisp and polite (she still isn’t used to the posh accents!), “Oh, sorry.”

He has long hair streaked in silver, and glasses, and he’s holding a little notebook and pen.

When he sees her, he blinks. “Oh,” he says, “Hello, I was just looking for your husband, actually. Trent Crimm, the Independent.”

“Ex-husband,” Michelle says, before she can stop herself, because it’s almost a relief to hear out loud.

The man’s—Trent Crimm’s—eyes widen with surprise, something almost like shock flashing over his face, and then he snaps his notebook shut.

“As a journalist,” he says, voice a little higher than before, “I didn’t hear that.”

Right. Fuck.

“Shit, sorry,” she says, “I should—I should watch my mouth, jeez, what am I thinking—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Trent Crimm says, almost gently, “You’re, ah. off the record. Divorce is—” he shuffles slightly, a little awkward, and then says, “it’s. hard.”

Ah. Seems like he might be speaking from experience. Part of her wants to say you too, huh? or try and talk to him, but—well, dumping this on a stranger in a pub would be a bad idea anyway, but she isn’t actually stupid. He’s a journalist, after all, and even though she thinks he seems sincere enough, she still probably shouldn’t say anything else.

“Yeah,” is all she says, a little glumly. “Um, anyway, I think—Ted’s over there?”

Trent Crimm’s eyes dart over to where she gestures, but then his lips tighten a little and he says, “I should probably go, actually. It was nice meeting you, Mrs. L—” he falters. “Um.”

“Michelle,” she says, smiling, a little amused and refusing to give him a last name to work with, because British folks were so funny about that.

Sure enough, he grimaces a little, but obliges her and says, “Michelle.”

He gives her a little half-smile and then ducks out, disappearing into the crowd.

She worries a little about the interaction, but—he seemed like a decent sort, right? So she doesn’t say anything to Ted just yet.

It’s only later when she goes back to her hotel room and Henry is asleep that she thinks to look the journalist up.

Naturally, the first thing she finds is a clip of him calling Ted a fucking joke on live TV.

Fuck.

“Ted,” she says, in an abrupt phone call too late in the night to be polite. “I might have messed up.”

“What?” Ted says immediately, a little panicked, “What happened, do you need me to—” there’s shuffling noises like he’s throwing himself out of bed to get dressed, and she says quickly, “no no no, just.”

He pauses, ready to listen, and she says, “I. I’m sorry, I mentioned our divorce to a reporter.”

There’s a pause on the other end of the line.

“You… what?” Ted says, not sounding mad so much as baffled.

“I just—it just slipped out, I wasn’t thinking,” she said. “I know you’re under a lot more media scrutiny here, but he said it was off the record but that was after I said something and I—”

“Michelle, Michelle,” he said, “Hey. Hey, it’s alright, if it’s gonna be a big deal, they’re gonna find out anyway. Don’t you worry about a thing, alright?”

“I looked him up, though,” Michelle says, more distressed than she’d like to be, “He called you a fucking joke, if he already doesn’t li—”

To her surprise, Ted… laughs. Brightly, the genuine one and not the cheerful I’m-pretending-everything’s-fine one she’d grown to hate.

“Oh,” he says, and there’s a release of tension she hadn’t even realized was in his voice. “You talked to Trent.”

“You—what am I saying, of course you know him,” Michelle said.

“Trent’s fine,” said Ted, with a sort of cheerful finality. “If he said it was off the record, it’s off the record.”

“He literally called you a joke,” said Michelle, unimpressed. “On television. Oh, I shoulda given him a piece of my mind—”

Because while she wanted to divorce Ted for a reason, goddamn it, no one who called him a fucking joke on live TV was in her good books.

“He didn’t know me yet,” Ted said, like it was that easy, and she wondered if he was being too forgiving for his own good, like he always was. Sometimes it felt like he never stood up for himself at all, just let people hurt him. It could be exhausting.

“Here,” Ted said, “look up his first article on me. No, hang on, I’ll just send it to ya, it’s short.”

Sure enough, she fumbles to open her messages and Ted’s just sent her a link with a little smiley face. Once it might have made her smile. Now she just sighs and clicks the link.

It doesn’t take long to scan through the article; to reach the last line.

“Hm,” she says. “Not exactly glowing.”

“That,” Ted says, “from Trent, as far as I can tell, is about the same as Beard nodding his head.”

“Oh, wow,” she says, suitably impressed.

“Anyhoo,” he says, “I trust Trent to keep his word. If he said he wouldn’t say anything, he won’t.”

There’s something about how he says it, about that laugh he’d given when he’d realized, that makes her stop. This doesn’t feel like his usual—she’s pretty sure Ted at the very least actually likes this guy, which, well. despite Ted’s flaws, he isn’t actually stupid. And he’s a good judge of character.

“…alright,” she says. “I’m sorry for calling so late.”

“Hey, you can call me anytime,” he says, a little too sincerely, and something in her chest feels tight. We aren’t married anymore, part of her wants to snap, to remind him sharply, but she knows that isn’t fair, and she knows he’s well aware.

So she just sighs, and says, “Goodnight, Ted.”

And he says, “Goodnight. I—goodnight.”

And then the call ends, and she’s left staring at the ceiling.

It’s too painful to think about the divorce, about Ted, about what she’s going to do now, so instead, she lets her thoughts turn back to Trent Crimm.

Trent Crimm, who’d called her then-husband a fucking joke on TV, made the entire room laugh at him. Trent Crimm, who’d smiled awkwardly at her and said not to worry about it, that he understood how divorce could be. Trent Crimm who Ted apparently liked for real.

What a character. She’d have to keep an eye out.

(Years later, Trent Crimm will write an entire book about her ex-husband, and she’ll purse her lips and think ah. And then she’ll meet the man himself again, wide-eyed and blushing and very much in his pajamas—pulling a robe defensively over his bare chest—in Ted’s kitchen, and she’ll think, ahh.)

[drill-teeth]

I’ve been working on spending less time on tumblr. Which I’m glad about because it’s doing wonders for my mental health. But real quick I wanted to make a post about one of the reasons why.

So like. The amount of and speed of parasocial attachment and people expecting me to behave the way they want me to always that happens on this website is genuinely distressing. Over on my art blog, I don’t even have that big a following. More than the casual tumblr user, and I’m lucky to have it! But I’m not raking in the notes and commissions by any means. I have a relatively small following that I appreciate. And still I’ve had these like. Disturbing instances of people on anon coming in my inbox taking one of my posts EXTREMELY personally as if I was talking directly about or to them. Or overstepping my boundaries big time by reading a post I made and assuming immediately that it’s okay to vent in my inbox and ask me for very specific personal life advice. Or an extremely invasive question sent to my inbox on anon that I responded to saying that it was invasive and rude and afterwards finding out someone who’d been chatting with me a little in DMs sent that to me and blocked me immediately after my reply.

And it’s like. Stressful. It’s really stressful. It’s definitely not the WORST thing that could be happening to me. But I am also going through a lot in my personal life actually. And it would be nice when I logged onto my silly app to post art if people didn’t leave a paragraph anon message to me about how they were personally hurt and slighted by my most recent inbox boundary reminder post. And I’m like??? I don’t know you hello??? Or do I know you and now someone I know is just mad at me but I don’t know who? Like! That’s stressful! Please stop assuming so much personal malice from me. Like I don’t know you I’m just posting.

And for me. Personally. These interactions thankfully aren’t the majority of my online experience. But it’s still very uncomfortable and I’m like. Begging people to understand that like. When you send someone an anon message and they misunderstand it or even understand it just fine but don’t like it, like. That’s fine. The people you’re reaching out to online are PEOPLE. They’re not perfect. They’re not monsters for responding to you with frustration one time. And if you’ve never interacted with them in private, then genuinely they don’t know you and you don’t know them. So treat them as you would like. Talking to your favorite artist at their comic con booth or something. Treat them as a person you haven’t met.

And look it’s also shitty to send these sorts of anons to neurotypical people. But I will also add that like. Sometimes this shit is a NIGHTMARE on my paranoid delusions. And since I can’t force people on tumblr to approach me as a person, clearly. Then I’ll spend less time on it. Because I have to take care of me.

[tempestgnostic]

hot take but i don’t understand why some folks are so pressed about endogenic systems using stuff like pluralkit, pimplyplural, etc. or even just being in plural spaces. readmore because this may get long

i’ve never really been involved in ‘syscourse’ or whatever because i have better things to do and i recognize that watching teenagers fight on the internet is not the best thing for my own mental health. i feel my brain cells dying at an accelerating rate everytime i see the disk-horse going on around me. it’s like peeking into this strange world that i’m only tangentially related to.

for the record, i have no fucking clue why i’m plural, and i have no urge to find out. i’m not in a place where i can just root around in my trauma to try and find the source. does that mean i shouldn’t use these resources that’ve helped me and my headmates so much? or does that only apply to systems who call themselves endogenic? i’m genuinely asking here.

i mean, i get where y’all are coming from. when i was going through crippling gender dysphoria, before i was able to get on HRT or even cut my hair, i was so fucking angry at people who used neopronouns, or had xenogenders, or even just folks who said they didn’t have gender dysphoria. i felt like they were treating my very real, very distressing medical issue (which is how i saw it at the time—i no longer do) as a joke, as a fun playground to fuck around in. i don’t think we’re that different in that regard. i know how difficult it is to go through all these painful experiences, and then see others with vastly different lives calling themselves by the same labels as us, when we have almost nothing in common.

but that’s the thing: regardless of how you feel about them personally, a lot of these folks are having very real plural experiences, and they’re using the vocabulary they know to describe it. ‘system.’ ‘plural.’ ‘headmate.’ and yet they’re also using endogenic to distinguish between their experiences and yours. you seem to want them to coin their own words for all of the nuances of their plurality, but why? why not use the words we have, and recognize that ‘being plural’ is a simple shorthand that easily encompasses all of these different ways of, well, being plural?

there are many ways to be ‘trans.’ there are many ways to be ‘plural.’ that’s why we add modifiers, but the base is the same because there’s a broader, shared experience. asking endogenics to go off and just bootstrap their own resources, rather than using what’s already available, is nonsense. and demanding that they come up with their own words for every nuance of their identity is how we end up with shit like MOGAI. (oh, wait, plural MOGAI already exists. it’s called pluralpedia, and it’s a fucking mess.)

it’s fine to have spaces where you can talk about traumagenic system experiences without interference from folks whose plurality isn’t connected to trauma—though i’d argue there are quite a few ‘endos’ who haven’t yet made the connection between their own trauma and plurality. hell, i’d be pissed if i was part of a private group geared towards trans people who experience dysphoria, and somebody came in and started talking about how we should ‘love our bodies the way they are!’ or whatever. but that’s not something every non-dysphoric trans person would do. that’s something assholes do, and they come in every flavor of identity.

anyways, i should probably get to work instead of writing ridiculously long essays about this shit. peace

[hollowknightinsanity]

i have andra on the mind. im gonna talk abt her.

well specifically her and grimms daughter (who ive named timori, i cant remember if i said that or not) but yknow

mostly ive just been thinking about timori’s personality, and how she is with her baby siblings and the rest of the troupe

she’s a VERY chaotic character. loud and outgoing and not afraid to speak her mind, and willing to beat the ever loving fuck out of a mf for someone she cares about (or if she just doesn’t like them). she acts like a teenager despite being a fully grown adult half-god and i find that very funny

she’s a little overprotective of her siblings — some people who summon the troupe aren’t too trustworthy in her eyes, so sometimes she’ll follow the summoner around to make sure they’re taking proper care of the grimmchild, and if not, she’ll step in (and kick their ass, if she deems it necessary).

i like to think that timori helped run the performance during the events of the game, or at the very least that she was present while ghost was doing their thing. since andra knew holly (and genuinely really cared about them), she immediately pointed out ghost’s similarities to them to grimm, and bc he loves his wife, grimm assigned timori with keeping an eye on them to make sure there wasn’t anything they really needed to worry about.

timori, who adores her mom and dad with her whole heart and knows what went down in hallownest to make andra leave, agrees to do that, and so she spends most of her time in hallownest trying to keep tabs on ghost’s activities when she knows where the hell they are (that bastard is FAST, and REALLY good at hiding). by doing that, she found the variety of vessel corpses just laying around the kingdom, and she was like “oh shit, are there multiple???????”

and when she saw ghost going down into the abyss, she took a peek herself, saw the floor LITERALLY MADE OF MILLIONS OF VESSELS, and was like “oh shit, there are multiple”

this revelation made andra understandably upset and distressed. infanticide ain’t cool, man!

anyway. after the events of the game, andra feels kinda obligated to return to hallownest every once in a while to check up on ghost (holly and ghost looked almost exactly the same as kids, and andra loved holly with every fiber of her being, so she felt immediately attached to ghost when she met them), and also to see the grimmchild again, even though the troupe usually doesn’t do that. they do it this time, though, and andra had a mental breakdown when she saw holly again. and a panic attack when the shade lord appeared out of fuck-knows-where bc the grimmchild wanted to say hi.

after that unreasonably funny interaction, timori and her baby sibling are reunited and have a grand old time traveling the whole kingdom with their parents (and holly, because they missed andra and wanted to tag along)

all in all, timori is a great kid, she’s just like me fr, and she and her dad constantly joke about their shared transness and the fact that they traded genders.

timori is transfem, and i hc grimm as transmasc. this makes for some lovely goofs in the troupe tent.

ok im done now 👍

[livingthedragonlife]

Woe! Rook ask game questions be upon ye!!!

🌹🌼🍀🍂

NOT WOE THIS RULES!! <3

[the ask game in question]

[my Rook, real name Valonril, also Val, I’ll be using all 3 interchangeably]

🌹 What’s the first genuine fight Rook got in with their love interest about? How was it resolved?

Val romanced Davrin, and they’re kind of the inverse of each other? Rook is a silly, goofy guy to hide his stress and dark thoughts, while Davrin is very serious to hide his gooey caramel center and devastating survivor’s guilt. They can kind of talk past each other in times of emotional distress.

There are times when it seems like Rook really isn’t taking shit seriously, and that upsets Davrin for obvious reasons. Meanwhile, Rook is taking everything so seriously that he’s working overtime trying to make sure nobody notices. Being accused of not caring, of joking around too much to keep some fucking levity in his life, set him off real bad. Davrin doesn’t get why Val can’t just be serious about this, people’s lives are at stake, and Val is like I AM!!! YOU LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW CAREFULLY I AM CONSIDERING THIS, ON PURPOSE, LET ME HAVE ONE (1) JOKE.

They go cool off and come back to talk about it later. It’s a moment where they get to understand each other better.

🌼 If someone was to ask Spite what Rook smells like, what would he say?

Rook probably smells like the magic herbs from his HRT potion and leather cleaning supplies from when he cares for his armor. So in my best impression of Spite’s words, he smells like, “plants and tallow.”

🍀 Has Rook had any near-death experiences? What went through their mind during what they thought was going to be their final moments?

It would be hard to go through this whole game and not have a few. During that double blighted dragon fight he absolutely had one.

The first thing he would think, hitting the ground and bleeding out, would be “I failed.” He was supposed to defeat the gods, it was his responsibility, and he fucked it up. So many people are going to suffer now, because of him. He’d think about all the work he’d done, left unfinished. And then he’d think about his clan, his family and friends, the people he hadn’t spoken to in years, even if he was sure some of them never wanted to see him again. He would want to apologize to his team for not being able to lead them, and in this particular scenario of the double dragon fight, he would wish he said something to Davrin while he had the chance.

And then he lives!! Hooray!

🍂 What was it like the first time Rook killed someone? How did they react afterwards?

Oh, he was unwell.

Rook was not a hunter, and hadn’t so much had killed an animal (on purpose, anyway) before joining the Veil Jumpers. He knew the necessity of hunting and saw the hunters in his clan carrying back fresh animals, so doing that didn’t bother him so much. He had to fight sentinels in Arlathan, which was difficult physically, but not emotionally.

Killing a person? Horror unmatched. It was in self-defense, when he and a small group of other Veil Jumpers ran into some thieves who were trying to steal some artifacts and wouldn’t take “please stop” for an answer. But he did not have a good time and it’s a big part of why he’s pretty obsessed with saving people’s lives.