#in genuine distress like they’re talking shit about me

[toomx]

Every time someone says anything bad about a driver I like I take it far too personally I’m afraid

[ardentpoop]

which spn episodes make u the happiest

see my list of ultimate favorite episodes for 12 eps that I can’t watch without feeling like I stuck my finger in an electrical socket cartoon-style. happy? horny? distressed? for some on this list it’s all three.

see also:

s1 scarecrow

s2 tall tales (peak early-seasons husbandwife-ification)

s4 it’s a terrible life (sam wesson)

s5 the curious case of dean winchester (old!dean makes me sweat)

s6 two and a half men (the original baby episode. cinema)

s7 shut up, dr. phil (samndean loudly paralleled with insane het couple incident number 200. scene where they’re trying to diffuse the tension btwn the couple and their own relationship issues are surfacing. yay!)

s7 slash fiction (leviathan!samndean funny)

s7 the mentalists (this one is an odd choice because it features dean being a dickhead bastard motherfucker about the amy situation. however I enjoy when sam’s giving dean the cold shoulder because of some evil shit he did and he has to wriggle uncomfortably abt it for a while. also a genuinely very funny episode otherwise.)

s8 blood brother

s8 taxi driver (I just think sam on a quest + sam and benny meet in purgatory + samndean passionate embrace in the woods….)

s8 pac-man fever (I just think samndean passionate embrace in the war room after charlie talks to dean about her dying mother….)

s8 the great escapist

s8 sacrifice

s9 I think I’m gonna like it here

s9 sharp teeth + s9 the purge specifically for sam’s perspective on the gadreel situation. essential pieces of samndean dialogue. I was clapping and cheering for sam so loudly.

s9 blade runners for sam as the colette to dean’s cain. also crowley pathetically nipping at sam’s ankles.

s9 alex annie alexis ann (I just really like alex and her mother. the samness that this has.)

s10 soul survivor (I had so much fun with this episode when it originally aired and I still look back on it fondly. and dean chasing sam through the bunker with a hammer will never not be cute and evocative.)

s10 ask jeeves (s10 sam being fondled by milfs dot com)

s10 the executioner’s song (I just think dean wrestling with cain who explains to him the events that will lead to him murdering his beloved baby brother. also dean falling into sam’s arms after he’s murdered The Father Of Murder and staring brokenly into nothing over sam’s shoulder. very cutesie.)

s10 the werther project for samrowena reasons and also dean stalking sam reasons.

s10 angel heart for tfw bad-parenting shenanigans. also cas and claire to dean “I’m going with you!” to which dean huffily asks sam “you wanna get in on this [too]?”

s11 just my imagination

s11 into the mystic

s11 red meat

s11 the chitters

s12 ladies drink free (sam and claire)

s12 the memory remains. goat man :)

s12 twigs & twine & tasha banes (super underrated)

s13 episodes 1 through 4 for absolutely impeccable samndean and jack. the strongest opening to any season since s4 To Me.

s13 the bad place for kaia intro, kaia & jack, sam & jack.

s15 the rupture for samrowena

s15 golden time for sameileen, samrowena, witch sisters. yuri episode.

s15 unity (iykyk)

[ambyandony]

heres the limbo fusions with the rest of the vento aureo main protags

Limbo + Mista

Mimbo - any pronouns

"Are u lost bbygrl? :)"

(They give a weird stare if asked for a full name. They only use Mimbo, even though it’s a combination of Limbo’s forename and Mista’s surname.)

most stable Limbo fusion merely by virtue of Mista’s simple ability to just not give a fuck.

GET YOUR GUN OUT OF YOUR CLEAVAGE!

bitch gon step on my fuckin toe bitch with them fuckin cowgirl fuckin boots

VITALLY important that you know that despite being easily mistaken as fem on first glance, Mimbo also has the deepest voice of any Limbo fusion for literally no reason other than it’s funny to me. They also have sideburns

Stand: Mighty Wings - Redirects Signals. Still a colony Stand, looks like tiny little pastel fighter jets!

Limbo + Abbacchio

Lio Adkio - they/them

“Don’t say SHIT about my mascara or my eyeliner.”

“In fact, don’t fucking look at me or I’ll have to kill you or myselves.”

stable only because when Limbo started panicking in the mindspace, Abbacchio simply pointed and snapped at her to CALM THE FUCK DOWN. and she did so immediately.

nicer than Abbacchio. not by that much, though… but weirdly apologetic about it.

the eyeliner doesn’t appear to be due to crying, it seems that it just looks like that.

bazongas?

Stand: Keeping The Faith? Never Too Late? Shawty like a melody-

“rewinds” signals to previous states or connections and/or can do a “replay” of those signals’ succeeded actions (i.e. having a phone replay a prior conversation) Unfortunately, it’s pretty useless in combat.

Limbo + Giorno

Glimbo Giovadkins - she(?)/they/them

“Wouldn’t you like to hear one of my 765 fun facts about aerodynamics, animals or Air Bud?”

“I also have a few facts about botany, blood and birds.”

stable, until they’re not. they’re incredibly calm and delightful, but when they think someone’s mad at them they panic and start excessively apologising.

genuinely the softest cutest sweetest lil bitch you’ve ever seen. also traumatised with a guilty conscience and can flip on a dime in a terrifying way.

shortest Limbo fusion for no clear reason? shorter than both Limbo and Giorno.

Squalo’s worst fear.

sounds pretty much how you would expect.

Stand: Crystal Dolphin - can transform signals into life—by taking the signals out of something, typically disabling it, they can create life like Gold Experience can. The more complex the device, the bigger its potential creation.

Limbo + Buccellati

Bimbo Luno Adkellati - they/them

"...I've lost the conversation. I'm gonna go make pizza!"

Megan Thee Stallion?!

has no idea what’s going on for some reason? always looks a little confused and loses track of conversations very quickly.

very good with kids! practically unable to have a coherent conversation with Abbacchio. They don’t seem too distressed, but they just stop making much sense and seem to confuse themselves.

Stand: When Doves Cry? Perhaps Freewill? Uhm… I don’t know? Maybe it can sort of, ‘zip’ signals together, combining two or more functions into one sent signal? Bruno's ability is just so specific... I can't think of many ideas.

Limbo + Fugo

Fimbo (Pannalimbo Adkigo) - they/them

"STOP TALKING ABOUT FREUD BEFORE I KILL YOU WITH MY FUCKING BRACELETS!!!"

( Note: all currently depicted instances of Fimbo seem to be post-PHF, as Fimbo is almost always seen with the mouth scars hidden by the tattoo.)

enemy of the state. punches fascists. lovecore punk goth. in terms of authority figures they only respect Buccellati and Limbo’s dad.

AuDHD trauma poster child. Short fuse but very friendly until something sets them off and they start screaming and or burst into fucking tears.

Self-love in the sense that the fusionmates care about each other deeply and both sides are trying to look out for the other knowing the other won't look out for themself.

Stand: Cabin Fever - Terrifying deathly virus that, rather than being airborne like Purple Haze, is passed though signal transmission. Fimbo doesn’t know if the virus is the same as Purple Haze, a different strain of it, or something entirely different. It spreads most quickly through vocal communication between two people.

Limbo + Narancia

Nimbus Ghirgins - he/they/she

"tummyache... :("

Libby why does my stomach feel like it’s going to fucking collapse in on itself and why are my knuckles torn? aren’t they supposed to bruise when you punch?

bad relationship with food. Hanahaki disease, what are you doing here? (/ij)

sometimes they find Mista sitting around, sit next to him and fall asleep on him immediately

incredibly bad with emotions and doesn’t even get angry they just get overwhelmed instantly at any presence of significant emotion

Stand: Falling in Love/Hard on the Knees - who the fuck let this kid control CO2 emissions?? They can barely control themselves???

[nerves-nebula]

I sometimes get uncomfortable around arguments about if certain characters are abusive or not- obviously I see this the most with 2012 tmnt and nobody really needs my opinion but I keep thinking about it so here’s some words to chew on.

Keep in mind I haven’t seen much of 2012 so I’ll mostly be talking about the WAY I see these discussions being had here, rather than the show itself.

I doubt the creators intended for the turtles to be abusive and I kind of just assume that everything they do is within the genre of slapstick kids show. But I also don’t think people who cringe away from the way they treat each other are reading too much into it.

I’ve seen people argue that ppl who think the brothers are abusive just don’t have siblings and that’s an insane take to me. Obviously its probably hyperbole in some instances but as someone with more siblings than most of the people I know, I 100% see the abuse reading of this series. It’s a very obvious idea to latch onto for me as someone who HAS been abused by my siblings- and who’s probably been abusive too.

The main thing that really gets under my skin is when people point out how much the turtles actually care about each other as evidence against abuse. Cause that doesn’t make any sense ??? you can abuse people you love and care about deeply.

And it really rubs me the wrong way when I see a post that’s like Raph can’t be abusive because he does X nice/cute things with Mikey or something like. That’s not how abuse works. You guys have to know that right?? Abuse isn’t just a person being mean 24/7 without pause.

A bit of a tangent coming up, but growing up, I really hated Mabel from gravity falls. not because she is inherently any more annoying or selfish or anything than other characters but because the way she treated dipper was extremely triggering for me as a child with a lot of anxiety. Like if Mabel was real and my sibling, I would’ve considered a lot of the shit she did abusive. Obviously I’m normal about her now cause I’m not 12 anymore but the biggest hurdle about watching that show when I was younger was that I would sometimes be brought to tears of frustration, imagining how scared and distressed I’d be if Mabel did that shit to me.

THE POINT of this tangent is that saying “the 2012 turtles aren’t abusive because I do that stuff with my siblings all the time/cause teenage boys are just like that” isn’t a genuine critique because abuse isn’t just about the action it’s about the relationship. Punching your sibling who’s actually ok with being punched isn’t abuse. Punching your sibling who really doesn’t want you to, and who you KNOW really doesn’t want you to, and who you KNOW would be genuinely upset by being punched? That is abuse.

And I find it annoying because I think we’re all aware that abuse was likely not the intent of the show. (Probably not even the text of the show but once again can’t say for sure) Maybe some dysfunction for drama, but probably not abuse, so you’re really just arguing against someone’s headcanon/personal interpretation of this show. And it’s like.. ok you have a different reading cool I guess.

In the show they aren’t treated as abusive, but fandoms are built around exploring different aspects of art that weren’t explored in canon. So I guess idk why this is a big deal.

Idk I think people have this idea that abusive = evil and always wrong. But abuse is just someone hurting you repeatedly and refusing to stop for whatever reason.

And with a show like 2012 where it’s all played for laughs it can be hard to tell if that’s how they are with each other because they’re ok with it or if that’s how they are cause they don’t know any other way. The turtles are kind of really mean in 2012, and wether that’s a familiarity kind of meanness or not is up to you in fandom, yknow?

Does Mikey actually consider Raph hitting him as like a fun part if their banter or is he coping with jokes about being physically abused? You decide! Like genuinely it can be either and I think that’s fun!

I mean obviously you all know what i’d pick, but that’s because I’m blissfully aware of what I want out of stories and what i want is nuanced discussions of abuse.

Personally, I acted very similarly to the 2012 turtles when living with my siblings, but I didn’t actually fucking like it. It was a defense mechanism because being genuine would only be met with ridicule. So I’m not inclined to agree that it’s fine because it’s just what they do.

Once again though, I doubt it was on purpose. And if you don’t think that they’re abusive then congrats! The show probably doesn’t either! So I just don’t see why people get super upset about it. Don’t you love that someone got a different story out of the same media??

Anyway obviously it doesn’t super matter and I don’t really have a horse in this race. I just got a bit annoyed with the way abuse is discussed and as a hobbyist Abuse Analyst I thought I’d weigh in.

I wrote this instead of going to sleep and it’s sooo late and also so much longer that I meant for it to be… y’all better not have bad takes in response or I’ll be annoyed as hell tomorrow morning, guh.

[queer-reader-07]

few things bother me more than people saying that it’s “dumb” or “intentional ignoring” or “impossible” to have interpreted crowley and aziraphale’s relationship platonically.

and look i could go on about all the things that do point to romance but enough people have done that so i’m gonna defend myself here and explain why i read them as platonic for so long and why i think it’s perfectly reasonable to have read them platonically.

and a disclaimer that all of this is from my perspective and my opinion. so if i make a statement as though it’s matter of fact, know that i’m speaking from my perspective and just can’t be bothered to preface every sentence with “in my opinion…”

and it mostly boils down to one thing: their love reflected the love me and my friends have for each other.

so no shit i interpreted them platonically because they looked like my real life platonic relationships!!

i’ve talked at length about how i think there’s a specificity to the way queer people love. i think there’s something special about the way queer people show love, especially platonic love.

here’s the thing. i’ve been mistaken as my best friend of 16 years’ girlfriend more than once. i’ve been mistaken as one of my other best friend’s partner so many times her friends were genuinely shocked when she got a boyfriend because they thought she was dating me.

i understand the whole “being so platonically in love that people think you’re also fucking” situation. i unironically live that situation on the regular. so naturally i assumed that’s what was happening with aziraphale and crowley.

my thought process was basically this

1) they love like i love (specifically, crowley loves like i love). therefore, they’re platonically in love.

2) weird, everyone on the internet is convinced they’re dating. something something everyone values romantic love over platonic love

3) well whatever they’re still platonic in my heart

and it stayed like that quite literally until i watched episode 6 of season 2. and you can tell me i was being oblivious all you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that i genuinely believed they were platonic. queer platonic? sure. but definitely not romantic.

i saw all the witty quips and banter between the two of them and didn’t read any sexual or romantic tension, i read friendship. i saw aziraphale damsel in distress-ing himself on the regular so crowley could save him and thought “well it’s the only way he can spend time with crowley. checks out”. and i saw the bandstand breakup and the burning bookshop and “you told my only friend to shut his mouth and die and i did. not. care. for it.” and aziraphale so desperately trying to shield crowley from the horrors of the world and obviously i saw love. a love that is deep and profound, yes. it just never read romantic to me because i would do and say all of those things for and to my friends.

one of the few things i will never cease to find joy in is my friendships. i will ALWAYS love loving the people close to me, i will ALWAYS support them, and most importantly, i ALWAYS want to protect them. even when i know what is going to happen is inevitable, i don’t want to see them hurt. i want to shield them from the cataclysmic experience of the human condition and only have to experience in the moments of joy that await them. i don’t want to see the people i love hurt or in pain or jaded by how fucked up the world is.

because i already am those things. i am jaded by the world, i’m constant falling into the pit of cynical despair that the state of the world can manage to throw you down. and i know how fucking hard it is to pull yourself out of that place, to find hope and move forward and allow yourself to even enjoy the love and support you do have in life.

and the last thing i ever want is for the people i love dearly to experience those things.

so yeah. i related hard fucking core to crowley and the way he loves aziraphale SO. FUCKING. DEEPLY. and of course i read it platonically because it’s platonic for me. so deeply platonic in the best way.

and i could go on about how a lot of this stems from how much i value platonic love. how much i don’t adhere to social norms of love and how people express love. i will loudly proclaim my love for my friends, because i love them. i’m in love with them. but that doesn’t mean i want to date them or kiss them. and that makes perfect sense to me, and if it doesn’t make sense to you. well then, idk what to tell you.

this is longer than i intended but my point is that it hurts seeing people who act like those of us who did genuinely read aziracrow as platonic the first go around are stupid or that we chose to ignore the romance.

because, to me at least, it always felt like people were calling the way i love stupid or that i’m actually ignoring my “real” feelings

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

genuinely don’t get why people hate otherkin and therians so much like bro what did we do to you. “oh but they’re mentally ill” okay so what. i know my shit came about bc of disassociation fucking me up, but why am I a bad person bc of that. “but some people don’t think they’re mentally ill!” again so what. if we say for the sake of argument 100% of people who are otherkin or whatever are mentally ill. people use spirituality to understand and cope with their mental illness all the time. even if every therian and otherkin person was mentally ill- and that’s a big assumption- dealing with that in a spiritual way is a perfectly good coping mechanism for some people and you shouldn’t be a dick about it bc you personally don’t understand. “but they’re delusional!” this still is literally a non issue. delusions are an incredibly common symptom of mental illnesses a lot more people have experienced delusions than you'd think. even if we accept This argument, which is even more of a baseless assumption, having a mental health symptom that’s very common and varied is fine and you can talk about it. “but you shouldn’t encourage delusions!” it is also generally medically advised to not try and debunk a delusion which you would know if you’ve done any research into them bc the whole Thing with delusions is that they’re very much real to the person experiencing them. even if you’re aware they’re untrue while having them you’re still experiencing them in your own perception telling someone that the distress they’re going through is stupid doesn't help you shouldn’t encourage them either but like. it’s pretty universally agreed the best way to deal with delusions as a bystander is to acknowledge that is really what the person is experiencing but reassuring them if they’re distressed and providing support. “i don’t see x” instead of “x isn’t real” that sort of stuff. hating people for delusions they cannot control is literally just thinking someone’s a bad person for being sick. literally even if the baseless claims people made about us were true like… okay, why is us being hypothetically mentally ill a moral failing on our part.

[manofmanymons]

Can i give you an excuse to talk more about takuma x kaito? They are just so precious to me. It's one of my favourite digimon pairing ever.

Beloved anon, you have opened the biggest can of worms I even have to open. You know not what you have unleashed. That being said, here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna start with a couple small silly hc’s I have about them, then we’re gonna work our way up to the things I have entirely too much to say about.

Also please know that my genuine reaction to finishing this ask and getting ready to post this was:

The sillies

They get in “I insist” wars sometimes, by which I mean they both always want to be the one to do things for the other. “Likes to take care of people” bf x “self worth based largely on his usefulness” bf. The end result is them just sneakingly doing chores for each other. In Takuma’s case, I like to think it’s bc that’s how his mom shows affection, and he totally gets it from her. With Kaito, it would start out as a “feels like he has to earn Takuma’s love because he doesn’t think he deserves it” thing but eventually turn into a “just really likes making Takuma smile” thing.

They stare at each other a lot. Takuma always does it on accident and usually for one of two reasons. Reason #1: he just likes looking at Kaito. Call him sappy, but he thinks his bf is very handsome and he likes looking at him. Reason #2: he’s trying to gauge what kind of mood Kaito is in before approaching him and completely accidentally stares at him for way too long. At first it creeps Kaito out a little and he’ll ask “the hell’re you looking at me like that for?” Eventually, though, he gets used to it and will pretend he doesn’t notice. Kaito does it on purpose whenever he wants attention but is too embarrassed to ask for it. Literally just glares at Takuma until he notices.

I don’t see either of them as the jealous type, but I do see both of them as the overprotective type. Someone looks at Takuma wrong and Kaito already wants them dead. Takuma gets very defensive if anyone other than Miu or Dracmon insinuates that anything is wrong with Kaito and WILL argue about it.

They’re both the kinda boys to ask “can I kiss you?” change my mind.

Neither of them have ever really done this whole dating thing before. Takuma has had a few girlfriends, but in the very elementary/middle school sense of basically just being friends who hold hands sometimes and get teased by their friends at recess—never in the “I am actually in love with this person” way. Kaito 100% one of those kids who always thought romance was stupid and made fun of other people for caring about it. Probably thought he was so cool for it, too. He didn’t even know he was capable of having a crush until Takuma happened. He’s mildly distressed at first that apparently everyone Takuma has ever liked before him has been a soft spoken, cute girl, but he gets over it eventually.

My dog just sat down directly on my face and I can’t see shit why did I let him onto my bed with me oh my god get him off of me HELP.

There was a time where Takuma was afraid to hug or even really touch Kaito at all in public because he was worried Kaito would hate it. Now he knows he can get away with it and is a menace. #1 hobby: making the bf blush and pout at him.

Takuma texting Miu for advice about what Kaito likes vs. Kaito texting Minoru to ask what Takuma likes. Miu and Minoru hate this but go along with it because unfortunately they love those idiots and want them to be happy. Technically Minoru promised he wouldn’t tell any of their mutual friends about Kaito being a sappy dork, but he never said anything about not telling Kaito’s sister.

Long thoughts

I think I said it before, but now I’m going to elaborate. You know the whole "fell first/fell harder" thing? Well I think Takuma fell first (but didn’t notice) while Kaito fell harder. Takuma knowing Kaito for like five minutes and already deciding he really likes this boy for some reason. They get through part 3 and now he really *really* likes this boy, but he mostly chalks it up to "I'm just happy he's here bc it means we are not all dead." Of course he's gonna kinda admire someone like that and want to get to know them better. And if he starts finding him cute and purposely seeking him out when he's nervous, well, that's just guy stuff.

vs. Kaito who’s stuck with this weird dude who won't stop staring at him and asking too many invasive questions, but he tolerates it because he's gonna need help to protect Miu and also not die. Except the more time goes by, the more this weird dude keeps being really nice to him, which is perhaps the weirdest thing of all. And he even seems to genuinely care about Miu and okay that's new. THEN he starts acting like how Kaito feels about things actually matters, and it kinda feels like a trap, but it isn't. And okay, yeah, maybe having someone pay so much attention to him is Not Terrible. Maybe being honest with someone other than his partner (who kinda has to like him) without being afraid of how they'll react is also Not Terrible. Maybe it's a little confusing why being around someone he trusts would keep making him feel nauseous and like the room is on fire, but maybe, for some weird reason, that's Not Terrible either. Maybe all of those things are even...nice. And if he thinks that perhaps he'd do anything to get this weird, annoying, invasive boy home safely, well, it's not...NOT because he loves him.

ALSO said before but would like to elaborate: I just love the idea of Kaito getting along really well with Takuma’s mom. First adult to not treat him like he’s crazy for getting stressed out over completely reasonable things like “my 11 year old sister is out past sunset and not answering the phone.” It’s kind of a nightmare for Takuma because his mother LOVES to tell the most embarrassing stories about when he was a kid that he was planning on taking to the grave, but it’s also kind of wonderful that his favorite people like each other so much. Plus, if being a little embarrassed is the price he has to pay for hearing Kaito laugh, it’s worth it.

Takuma’s mom to me has big islander mom energy, like she would instantly decide that Kaito is her child now after knowing him for two seconds. One time when Takuma was like 4 he accidentally killed a goldfish and now his mother does not trust him to keep anything alive. That being said, if Kaito gets sick or injured, Takuma’s mom will insist on taking care of him bc she doesn’t think Takuma can do it lol.

They ALSO get in the “I insist” wars tho lol like Kaito will try to help with the dishes and she’ll be like “nonsense, I’m the host, you just make yourself at home” but then Kaito will counter with “if I was at home, I would do the dishes.” It’s a battle of sheer stubbornness that either of them will win on any given day.

…Takuma reading that people tend to look for partners that are similar to their parents and at first going “pff yeah right” but then seeing that happen and going “oh no.”

And for my last thing I could talk a lot about…I dunno if I’ve ever just talked about why I ship it.

First and foremost, and I just really love their friendship. I mean, yeah, like everyone else who’s played this game, of COURSE I noticed that Kaito is constantly blushing while talking to Takuma, but that’s not really why I like seeing them together. I like how quickly Takuma catches on to the fact that Kaito’s a lot nicer than he pretends to be. I like how he notices that Kaito is a perfectly calm and rational person when it comes to anything NOT involving Miu. I like how happy it makes Dracmon that someone understands his partner so well. I like that the correct dialogue option for Kaito is pretty much always just to be straightforward and honest with him. I feel like it sets up a really lovely dynamic between the two of them where Takuma knows he can always be honest with Kaito, and Kaito can trust Takuma enough to take what he says at face value. Especially love it in the scene where Takuma is nervous, and if you pick the option to hide it, Kaito will get annoyed at him for wasting time standing around talking; but if you pick the option to tell the truth, Kaito will soften up and try to help him. I like how patient Takuma is with Kaito and how he never snaps at him even when Kaito’s being a little unreasonable or isn’t articulating what he actually means very well. I like how, for all his trust issues, Kaito straight up tells Takuma that he thinks of him as the group’s leader and depends on him. I think Takuma’s comment that hearing that makes him happy is super cute. Kaito insisting Takuma is wrong when he’s accused of secretly wanting to protect everyone, not just Miu, in early game vs him finally admitting it to Takuma late in the game. They’re just so comfortable with each other in a way that I find very endearing. Especially knowing everything Kaito’s been through, it makes me so happy that there’s someone he trusts so much and who is genuinely unconditionally kind to him. They’re so supportive of each other, and I am fully willing to believe that they really do love each other as friends.

THEN getting into the shippy parts. Still not emotionally over Takuma literally thinking that Kaito is cute. Still never letting go of him purposely complimenting Kaito for no reason just to see him flustered. Never letting them live down talking about how good friends they are and then REVERSE no-homoing the moment by explicitly saying they DON’T think of each other like brothers. What the hell WAS that? WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH KAITO FREAKING TF OUT WHEN TAKUMA SAID HE WAS HAPPY THEY MET ONLY TO CALM DOWN AND THEN GENTLY SMILE AND SAY “I guess it ain’t so bad if you’re the one saying it…Maybe.” WHAT DID HE MEAN BY THAT? I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE. WHAT WAS UP WITH MIU’S REACTION TO KAITO STRAIGHT UP TRYNA TO MURDER TAKUMA THAT ONE TIME? GOING “AWWWW” AND SAYING IT LOOKS LIKE KAITO WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH TAKUMA INSTEAD OF BEING LIKE “BRO CALM TF DOWN.” PERSON WHO KNOWS HIM BEST IN THE WORLD SAYING THEY GET ALONG WELL AND IT LOOKS LIKE LAKFDJADFKJA;DLKFJALDKJA. The way Takuma looks and sounds so excited to see Kaito again in part 3 is literally the reason I accused him of falling first like he did not have to be THAT happy. PLUS THAT TIME IN PART 4 WHERE HE STARES AT KAITO’S FACE FOR SO LONG THAT KAITO NOTICES LMAO? GAYASS. His stupid little ^_^ after Kaito gets embarrassed in that scene too jfc you are NOT beating the allegations, Takuma. And okay time to circle back around to the blushy thing. If it was JUST the occasional .////. I wouldn’t read too deep into it because he literally also makes that face when Dracmon and Miu are nice to him, so I think Kaito just legitimately doesn’t know how to respond to affection. But it is CONSTANT and ALSO I think it’s sus that Dracmon always points it out. Like his partner KNOWS he’s gay panicking and is purposely drawing attention to it as a way of getting Takuma to notice that “hey this loser REALLY likes you.” I mean seriously WHY else go out of the way to point it out every single time. Also the stuttering. Why are you, as a serious, no nonsense, tough guy, stuttering so much when a cute boy is nice to you? You thought we wouldn’t notice, but we did.

They're honestly the most disgustingly fluffy corny schoolgirl-with-a-crush type ship I've ever shipped. I hate them so much.

Just,,,gay boy in a small town where he can't be himself falling for a boy who is so very kind to him. Not expecting to ever be loved back bc people never like him, much less love him. Trying to hide his affection so he doesn't get hurt, but always wearing his heart on his sleeve no matter how much he tries to pretend he isn't. Somehow against all perceived odds actually in fact being loved back. Struggling to comprehend that someone not only loves him, not only wants him, but even enjoys taking care of him without expecting anything back.

Anyways here are some memes and cats that remind me of them:

[mothwiingz]

did no one else see the problem with one of BitterVitter’s most recent comics lmao. if you dont know which one im talking about, youre lucky. i havent said this publicly but tbh i kinda hate Bitter and i dont give a shit who they used to be in the fandom. they’re drawing nonconsensual nudity and playing off the heroes’ obvious discomfort as some kind of joke. i wish i could unread Inspection Day.

if youre one of the ppl from btdfanart who reacted positively to it, i have no fucking idea how none of you saw a problem with that shit. there were so many holes in the reasoning as to why it had to be like that. okay, maybe they do need to check to make sure the bloons aren’t sneaking into the base. maybe they do need to search the heroes’ stuff. kind of makes sense. i guess it could be explained if they needed to search their clothes too. even if that’s a huge stretch. but riddle me this Bitter, WHY THE FUCK DO THEY ALL NEED TO BE NAKED TOGETHER IN THE SAME ROOM. when they all hate it so much. why not give them even a towel. or a shirt or something. AND WHY IS PSI, THE ONLY CANON CHILD, ALSO FORCED TO BE NAKED IN A ROOM FULL OF NAKED ADULT MONKEYS. there’s no fucking explanation or excuse for that.

if it was drawn by anyone but them, i’d say it was fetish art. but no, it’s just drawn for shock value. that’s all it is. sure there’s some of their lore sprinkled in here and there, but i didnt even retain that part of it, because i was too busy freaking out and nearly having a panic attack right there. i spent the whole day distracted because i felt so bad for those poor monkeys. it might seem like an overreaction, but ive been through some shit that would make something like that be a complete nightmare for me. benjamin was in actual genuine distress in the comic and i just felt so bad for him because i would feel the exact same. its all so fucking disgusting and i have no idea why everyone is treating this as smth funny and acceptable to post

ive blocked bittervitter on discord after this because i dont wanna talk to them and i dont wanna see their shit in case they draw smth equally cursed in the future. if you still dont see the issues with this comic, and youre still blinded by nostalgia enough to still support them, just go ahead and block me.

[acatnamedlulu]

Memory unlocked-

So when I was in like, 1st (1st-ish??) grade, we read a story about these little talking forest animals, and the badger or something is baking a cake. But all his friends keep showing up unannounced and for some reason they’re all like “oh here! I got this!” and I swear, I don’t even think any of them asked, they just like, commandeered the entire table and started ruining everything?? 😅 And the badger’s like “wait, the recipe!” but his friends keep turning their noses up and ignoring him and being like “nah nah, I can do this better”. Even the ones who are genuinely trying to be nice are still just ignoring him. And they all leave, and when the badger puts the cake in the oven, of course it turns out like this, inedible tar.

And stupid me, I thought he was gonna be like “guys I know you wanted to help, but everything got ruined and you didn’t listen to me” and then the friends would apologize and try to make up for it. But like, that’s not even what happened, because the badger just threw the fucked up cake away, made a brand new one and was like “look guys, we all made this” to make them all feel good about themselves.

It’s been about 20 years and deadass, this shit still haunts me. I remember feeling so distressed over that stupid badger because his friends be barging into his house, getting in the way, fuckin’ up his hobbies like they own the place and they basically got rewarded for being rude 😂 I was pissed about it after I got home from school but I knew if I brought it up, I’d get made fun of.

Anyway, I got diagnosed with autism as an adult.

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

another snippet... michelle happens to run into trent crimm on her visit to england, very briefly. (timeline? what timeline. i did not check a timeline)

(ao3.)

The man bumps into her, and then says, voice crisp and polite (she still isn’t used to the posh accents!), “Oh, sorry.”

He has long hair streaked in silver, and glasses, and he’s holding a little notebook and pen.

When he sees her, he blinks. “Oh,” he says, “Hello, I was just looking for your husband, actually. Trent Crimm, the Independent.”

“Ex-husband,” Michelle says, before she can stop herself, because it’s almost a relief to hear out loud.

The man’s—Trent Crimm’s—eyes widen with surprise, something almost like shock flashing over his face, and then he snaps his notebook shut.

“As a journalist,” he says, voice a little higher than before, “I didn’t hear that.”

Right. Fuck.

“Shit, sorry,” she says, “I should—I should watch my mouth, jeez, what am I thinking—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Trent Crimm says, almost gently, “You’re, ah. off the record. Divorce is—” he shuffles slightly, a little awkward, and then says, “it’s. hard.”

Ah. Seems like he might be speaking from experience. Part of her wants to say you too, huh? or try and talk to him, but—well, dumping this on a stranger in a pub would be a bad idea anyway, but she isn’t actually stupid. He’s a journalist, after all, and even though she thinks he seems sincere enough, she still probably shouldn’t say anything else.

“Yeah,” is all she says, a little glumly. “Um, anyway, I think—Ted’s over there?”

Trent Crimm’s eyes dart over to where she gestures, but then his lips tighten a little and he says, “I should probably go, actually. It was nice meeting you, Mrs. L—” he falters. “Um.”

“Michelle,” she says, smiling, a little amused and refusing to give him a last name to work with, because British folks were so funny about that.

Sure enough, he grimaces a little, but obliges her and says, “Michelle.”

He gives her a little half-smile and then ducks out, disappearing into the crowd.

She worries a little about the interaction, but—he seemed like a decent sort, right? So she doesn’t say anything to Ted just yet.

It’s only later when she goes back to her hotel room and Henry is asleep that she thinks to look the journalist up.

Naturally, the first thing she finds is a clip of him calling Ted a fucking joke on live TV.

Fuck.

“Ted,” she says, in an abrupt phone call too late in the night to be polite. “I might have messed up.”

“What?” Ted says immediately, a little panicked, “What happened, do you need me to—” there’s shuffling noises like he’s throwing himself out of bed to get dressed, and she says quickly, “no no no, just.”

He pauses, ready to listen, and she says, “I. I’m sorry, I mentioned our divorce to a reporter.”

There’s a pause on the other end of the line.

“You… what?” Ted says, not sounding mad so much as baffled.

“I just—it just slipped out, I wasn’t thinking,” she said. “I know you’re under a lot more media scrutiny here, but he said it was off the record but that was after I said something and I—”

“Michelle, Michelle,” he said, “Hey. Hey, it’s alright, if it’s gonna be a big deal, they’re gonna find out anyway. Don’t you worry about a thing, alright?”

“I looked him up, though,” Michelle says, more distressed than she’d like to be, “He called you a fucking joke, if he already doesn’t li—”

To her surprise, Ted… laughs. Brightly, the genuine one and not the cheerful I’m-pretending-everything’s-fine one she’d grown to hate.

“Oh,” he says, and there’s a release of tension she hadn’t even realized was in his voice. “You talked to Trent.”

“You—what am I saying, of course you know him,” Michelle said.

“Trent’s fine,” said Ted, with a sort of cheerful finality. “If he said it was off the record, it’s off the record.”

“He literally called you a joke,” said Michelle, unimpressed. “On television. Oh, I shoulda given him a piece of my mind—”

Because while she wanted to divorce Ted for a reason, goddamn it, no one who called him a fucking joke on live TV was in her good books.

“He didn’t know me yet,” Ted said, like it was that easy, and she wondered if he was being too forgiving for his own good, like he always was. Sometimes it felt like he never stood up for himself at all, just let people hurt him. It could be exhausting.

“Here,” Ted said, “look up his first article on me. No, hang on, I’ll just send it to ya, it’s short.”

Sure enough, she fumbles to open her messages and Ted’s just sent her a link with a little smiley face. Once it might have made her smile. Now she just sighs and clicks the link.

It doesn’t take long to scan through the article; to reach the last line.

“Hm,” she says. “Not exactly glowing.”

“That,” Ted says, “from Trent, as far as I can tell, is about the same as Beard nodding his head.”

“Oh, wow,” she says, suitably impressed.

“Anyhoo,” he says, “I trust Trent to keep his word. If he said he wouldn’t say anything, he won’t.”

There’s something about how he says it, about that laugh he’d given when he’d realized, that makes her stop. This doesn’t feel like his usual—she’s pretty sure Ted at the very least actually likes this guy, which, well. despite Ted’s flaws, he isn’t actually stupid. And he’s a good judge of character.

“…alright,” she says. “I’m sorry for calling so late.”

“Hey, you can call me anytime,” he says, a little too sincerely, and something in her chest feels tight. We aren’t married anymore, part of her wants to snap, to remind him sharply, but she knows that isn’t fair, and she knows he’s well aware.

So she just sighs, and says, “Goodnight, Ted.”

And he says, “Goodnight. I—goodnight.”

And then the call ends, and she’s left staring at the ceiling.

It’s too painful to think about the divorce, about Ted, about what she’s going to do now, so instead, she lets her thoughts turn back to Trent Crimm.

Trent Crimm, who’d called her then-husband a fucking joke on TV, made the entire room laugh at him. Trent Crimm, who’d smiled awkwardly at her and said not to worry about it, that he understood how divorce could be. Trent Crimm who Ted apparently liked for real.

What a character. She’d have to keep an eye out.

(Years later, Trent Crimm will write an entire book about her ex-husband, and she’ll purse her lips and think ah. And then she’ll meet the man himself again, wide-eyed and blushing and very much in his pajamas—pulling a robe defensively over his bare chest—in Ted’s kitchen, and she’ll think, ahh.)

[drill-teeth]

I’ve been working on spending less time on tumblr. Which I’m glad about because it’s doing wonders for my mental health. But real quick I wanted to make a post about one of the reasons why.

So like. The amount of and speed of parasocial attachment and people expecting me to behave the way they want me to always that happens on this website is genuinely distressing. Over on my art blog, I don’t even have that big a following. More than the casual tumblr user, and I’m lucky to have it! But I’m not raking in the notes and commissions by any means. I have a relatively small following that I appreciate. And still I’ve had these like. Disturbing instances of people on anon coming in my inbox taking one of my posts EXTREMELY personally as if I was talking directly about or to them. Or overstepping my boundaries big time by reading a post I made and assuming immediately that it’s okay to vent in my inbox and ask me for very specific personal life advice. Or an extremely invasive question sent to my inbox on anon that I responded to saying that it was invasive and rude and afterwards finding out someone who’d been chatting with me a little in DMs sent that to me and blocked me immediately after my reply.

And it’s like. Stressful. It’s really stressful. It’s definitely not the WORST thing that could be happening to me. But I am also going through a lot in my personal life actually. And it would be nice when I logged onto my silly app to post art if people didn’t leave a paragraph anon message to me about how they were personally hurt and slighted by my most recent inbox boundary reminder post. And I’m like??? I don’t know you hello??? Or do I know you and now someone I know is just mad at me but I don’t know who? Like! That’s stressful! Please stop assuming so much personal malice from me. Like I don’t know you I’m just posting.

And for me. Personally. These interactions thankfully aren’t the majority of my online experience. But it’s still very uncomfortable and I’m like. Begging people to understand that like. When you send someone an anon message and they misunderstand it or even understand it just fine but don’t like it, like. That’s fine. The people you’re reaching out to online are PEOPLE. They’re not perfect. They’re not monsters for responding to you with frustration one time. And if you’ve never interacted with them in private, then genuinely they don’t know you and you don’t know them. So treat them as you would like. Talking to your favorite artist at their comic con booth or something. Treat them as a person you haven’t met.

And look it’s also shitty to send these sorts of anons to neurotypical people. But I will also add that like. Sometimes this shit is a NIGHTMARE on my paranoid delusions. And since I can’t force people on tumblr to approach me as a person, clearly. Then I’ll spend less time on it. Because I have to take care of me.

[punkclowngod]

What did Sam Winchester do (irt your DNI?) I only watched like seasons 1-5 and I'm not particularly a fan of his but I'm curious what he actually did.

Where do I start skdjksjsk

Okay so I don’t feel like re watching stuff just to make a list, this going to be off the top of my head which means I will miss a few things because it’s impossible to enumerate all he’s done just like that

Also, disclaimer: SPN is bad. It’s not well written. It’s a shit show. It’s horrible. So it’s important to keep in mind that all of the characters are kinda shitty (except Charlie), but at some point it’s also how Sam’s been received by the fandom that made me hate him so much.

Okay so here we go:

The demon blood thing. Sam happily betrays Dean for no reason just because he feels like it. ALSO important note: addiction is not a moral failure. I’m not mad at Sam for getting hooked on demon blood, I’m mad at his entire attitude before and after

His whole “I love angels, angels are so cool I wish I could meet one” and then he meets angels and they’re all like “you should stop drinking demon blood” and suddenly Sam pivots and goes “fuck angels they’re all assholes” instead of doing some soul searching and thinking that maybe he’s doing something wrong

He left Dean with their father to go to college or whatever. And yes this is more nuanced and complicated because a child is never responsible for the actions of their abusive parent(s), but Sam does not once acknowledge or try to understand the impact of his departure. It’s very clearly insinuated that John beat the shit out of Dean when Sam left and Sam does not seem to give a shit about it despite knowing their father was violent

As the point above, it’s made clear Sam does not care about Dean as a whole, only when it affects him. Which - yes it’s a common thing with a few mental illnesses and it doesn’t inherently make him a bad person. But he refuses to see or grow or leave his bubble of selfishness despite seeing how distressed Dean is constantly and that does make him shitty at the very least

Again, to keep this point going: at some point Dean dies and goes to purgatory. Sam does not once look for him despite the bizarre nature of his death which could’ve been a good reason to search for Dean. Instead he goes to be with a vet and completely forget about Dean

The only time Dean dies and Sam seems to care long-term is in the Mystery Spot episode and even then the only reason he can’t speedrun grieving and moving on is because he’s forced to relive the same day over and over again so he can’t escape it

And yeah sure you can pull out a few scenes where Sam “cares” about Dean, but is it proportional to how much Dean cares about him? And is it enough to make up for all the scenes where he actively hurts Dean? Nope.

In the later seasons, Dean has a plan to lock himself in a coffin and throw it in the ocean because he’s possessed by Micheal and can’t allow him to go free. And of course instead of realizing how desperate Dean must feel to prepare himself to do this and how violent the psychological toll this choice has to have on him, Sam makes it all about him. My guy, DEAN is the one that’s thinking the only way he can save the world is to spend eternity in a coffin at the bottom of the ocean with Micheal, this isn’t about you! (Tho to be fair pretty much everyone makes that choice about them instead of trying to help Dean with the weight of it)

Little extra that doesn’t count as something Sam did but that still irks me: I don’t like the actor. I don’t think Jared is good and his acting pulls me out of the scenes. I genuinely don’t understand how no one is talking about that

Overall, Sam just refuses to grow. Fifteen seasons and he’s still just as unhealthily selfish as before, still thinks that what he feels is always right and therefore others are always wrong. His sense of superiority doesn’t waver, he hangs on to it like it’s the only thing keeping him always while Dean is actually the one pulling him up and killing himself trying to make his life the best it can be

Okay that one is just plain bad writing bc the SPN writers are raging misogynists so it’s not actually Sam’s fault but: Sam trying to convince a stripper to go to nursing school instead? Really?? Fuck off

I have vague scenes in my head where Sam is just straight up cruel to Dean and others but i can’t recall any of them in detail and yes to be fair Dean to has his shit moments where he’s a piece of shit but Sam particularly gets under my skin, it feels more vicious and willingly mean than a desperate reaction due to an outburst like Dean often has

I know there’s more than that, I once tried keeping count of all the times Sam betrayed Dean but stopped because it got too much and I wasn’t even through season one yet and yeah I know my hatred of him is probably affected by my BPD but even when I watch through a rational and analytical perspective, he’s still a character that I despise.

The main problem I have is that he’s supported by the narrative and the fans. That goes for Dean too in a way. Those people are not good people. They do more harm than good and I wish the narrative acknowledged that instead of pushing the “broken heroes” label on them when they do not fit it at all. They kill mercilessly and without nuance, seek out monsters even when they do no harm, start more apocalypses than they can stop. The bad writing only adds to the awfulness of it all and it’s important to remember why they’re being written like this and how it impacts their characters and the world they live in.

Maybe Sam could’ve been an at least interesting character if he had been well written, but I think we’re well past that. SPN was a bad show, so bad it’s fun to watch, but still bad. It wasn’t meant to be funny like it is, and it’s an important thing to keep in mind.

Anyways I hope this made sense and I wish I had a better memory so I could go in deeper details and put more examples, but really with the brain I have my ability to do this is kinda limited rip

Still, thanks for asking, this was fun to do and I’m always happy to complain about Sam and rethink back to my SPN days

[luminary-lady]

Thank you for your levelheaded retrospective. You analysis of the patterns and tropes and analytical games of the fandom was enlightening. A group of 200 people in a secret society meeting to talk shit about a former VJ dating an actor?! I think your example illustrates just how insidious all this ‘chatter’ is. I think gossip can be an important societal tool but that is not what we are seeing. I was a teen on hockey message boards and the same thing got said about players WAGS. Gold digger, slut, or bitch were the only possibilities for anyone who dared be in a public relationship with a player.

The fact these women are cast immediately into villain roles and every piece of ‘data’ analyzed is chilling. Just like with women seeking justice for crimes done to them, there is no such thing as perfect victim. You will always be able to find fault in a woman because you just need to select a “defensible” option from the misogyny menu.

Apparently there is no one good enough for these precious 40-something actors that looked really hot in their 20s and 30s while playing superheroes. I am not trying to degrade CE or JDM or SS but like… they’re just dudes who pretend to be (often fictional) other people for a living. The shit we are seeing is full scale misogyny and the cloaking of mal-intent and unbridled jealousy and possessiveness with lofty goals of eradicating “racism” is so ironic. These people must be very active in their local anti racist and direct action organizations since it’s such a passion project for them?

Nope! Bullying and harassing strangers on the Internet and spreading misinformation. You use the word boundaries and I agree. Boundaries and healthy coping skills are desperately needed in fandom. Including in how we fantasize and related to the object of our affections. Because that’s the uncomfortable bit: our media environment and resulting fandom OBJECTIFIES it’s targets. But no one would ever be the perfect projection of millions of people’s wants and needs and aspirations. CE has had the benefit of 10 years of solid PR management via the most dominant media vehicle of Marvel. The fact that his golden boy image was so persuasive was on purpose. I think it’s important to remember as a fan that I love what I love because of me and my interests, but also because of marketing and saturation and conditioning etc. The fact that fandom is rabid is on purpose but unfortunately individuals pay the price. I genuinely do feel sad for some of the toxic fans who are obviously in distress, but… harassing strangers won’t make anything better. Sorry for the screed I am just… at a loss watching things from the sidelines.

You put it very well, and I don't have anything to add. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[tempestgnostic]

hot take but i don’t understand why some folks are so pressed about endogenic systems using stuff like pluralkit, pimplyplural, etc. or even just being in plural spaces. readmore because this may get long

i’ve never really been involved in ‘syscourse’ or whatever because i have better things to do and i recognize that watching teenagers fight on the internet is not the best thing for my own mental health. i feel my brain cells dying at an accelerating rate everytime i see the disk-horse going on around me. it’s like peeking into this strange world that i’m only tangentially related to.

for the record, i have no fucking clue why i’m plural, and i have no urge to find out. i’m not in a place where i can just root around in my trauma to try and find the source. does that mean i shouldn’t use these resources that’ve helped me and my headmates so much? or does that only apply to systems who call themselves endogenic? i’m genuinely asking here.

i mean, i get where y’all are coming from. when i was going through crippling gender dysphoria, before i was able to get on HRT or even cut my hair, i was so fucking angry at people who used neopronouns, or had xenogenders, or even just folks who said they didn’t have gender dysphoria. i felt like they were treating my very real, very distressing medical issue (which is how i saw it at the time—i no longer do) as a joke, as a fun playground to fuck around in. i don’t think we’re that different in that regard. i know how difficult it is to go through all these painful experiences, and then see others with vastly different lives calling themselves by the same labels as us, when we have almost nothing in common.

but that’s the thing: regardless of how you feel about them personally, a lot of these folks are having very real plural experiences, and they’re using the vocabulary they know to describe it. ‘system.’ ‘plural.’ ‘headmate.’ and yet they’re also using endogenic to distinguish between their experiences and yours. you seem to want them to coin their own words for all of the nuances of their plurality, but why? why not use the words we have, and recognize that ‘being plural’ is a simple shorthand that easily encompasses all of these different ways of, well, being plural?

there are many ways to be ‘trans.’ there are many ways to be ‘plural.’ that’s why we add modifiers, but the base is the same because there’s a broader, shared experience. asking endogenics to go off and just bootstrap their own resources, rather than using what’s already available, is nonsense. and demanding that they come up with their own words for every nuance of their identity is how we end up with shit like MOGAI. (oh, wait, plural MOGAI already exists. it’s called pluralpedia, and it’s a fucking mess.)

it’s fine to have spaces where you can talk about traumagenic system experiences without interference from folks whose plurality isn’t connected to trauma—though i’d argue there are quite a few ‘endos’ who haven’t yet made the connection between their own trauma and plurality. hell, i’d be pissed if i was part of a private group geared towards trans people who experience dysphoria, and somebody came in and started talking about how we should ‘love our bodies the way they are!’ or whatever. but that’s not something every non-dysphoric trans person would do. that’s something assholes do, and they come in every flavor of identity.

anyways, i should probably get to work instead of writing ridiculously long essays about this shit. peace

[wetbloodworm]

i’m very fond of the idea of merri becoming a WORSE person after leaving the death cult.

the gardeners that are actively involved in killing people believe they’re doing so out of compassion for others, and generally try to minimize suffering where possible. merri was taught that his actions as an assassin were good and loving, and while he was mostly just doing what he was told/what he was used to, he did genuinely believe that he was doing good. upon having his ‘oh gods actually i don’t want to die, fuck’ awakening and questioning the teachings of the garden as a whole, he DID realize that, okay, maybe. just maybe. murder isn’t a good thing even if you think you’re being nice about it. who could’ve known. and if he was a better person, this would’ve been a chance for him to change, to stop taking assassin work, to value the lives of others in a way he didn’t before. only he doesn’t, because what merri really cares about is himself and the people he loves, and everyone else is kinda There. he keeps killing people, but without any illusions that he’s doing a good thing, just a lack of concern over doing a bad thing. it’s what he’s good at, it earns him money, and while i really wouldn’t consider him a sadist at all he DOES enjoy what he does. less in a ‘murder is fun >:)’ way and more ‘this is a puzzle/sport to me’ kind of way. which isn’t better, it just. he just. needs to find another hobby that challenges him similarly.

and since merri no longer kids himself in thinking that he’s doing a good thing, doing acts of mercy, he’s less… merciful in general when killing? minimizing pain and suffering is less important to him. he doesn’t actively TRY to cause pain, but if he does, it’s less of a failing on his part in his mind. he also becomes more willing to do other Not Good things, like stealing or intimidating or extorting or torturing for information/etc, though the latter he doesn’t particularly LOVE, he’ll just do it if the money is good enough. his brain has been wired a bit to see someone suffering and go ‘i should kill them about it because that’d be kinder than letting this go on’ and sometimes he’ll act on those thoughts in an attempt to not be extra shitty, but sometimes he’ll also go ‘oh that’s the brainwashing talking’ and move on. doesn’t care that it may or may not be kind, just cares that he’s stuck in old thinking patterns.

one upside, aside from just being more honest about why he does what he does, is that merri does technically kill less than he used to. now he only does it for money, or if it’s necessary in the course of a job, or in self-defense while on the road or on a job or such. if he doesn’t see killing as good and doesn’t see himself as a person trying to do good on top of that, he’s less inclined to jump on excuses to kill people.

i’ll also note that merri isn’t like… OPPOSED to doing good, he just doesn’t seek it out. if he’s being paid that’s always on the table, and if it’s like. convenient. and he’s there. he can help out other people. a reward incentive will always encourage him more, but if someone’s clearly seeking help and is in distress or pain or whatever and it’s not massively inconvenient, yeah, sure, he’ll help. he doesn’t LIKE seeing people in distress or pain or whatever, and there’s a part of him that does still feel the inclination to minimize suffering where possible even if it’s smaller than it used to be. he’ll often lightly press for a reward AFTER helping if one wasn’t offered up-front, but if there isn’t one, eh. it’s fine. someone is better off because of him, that’s probably a good thing, he can appreciate that. now back to willfully seeking out crimes to do.

looping in beul for a bit here at the end; beul IS sadistic and DOES kill for the joy of it rather than out of any reward it could get from it, and it DOES enjoy causing others pain and suffering. if it sees an opportunity it thinks could be particularly fun, it will try to take control to do some heinous shit before shoving merri back behind the wheel to deal with any potential consequences of its actions. merri’s biggest opposition to this is that he hates when beul takes over his body; it’s bad enough as a concept but to make things worse he’s always fully conscious and present for it, watching and feeling his body moving without being able to do anything about it. he’s not SUPER upset about most of the murders beul does because, again, he doesn’t value other people’s lives nearly as much as he should, and most of his distress will be over losing control and being the one that’ll be blamed if he’s caught. he IS a little bothered by how much beul enjoys killing, and can be uncomfortable or upset by the brutality or cruelty that he personally largely avoids. if he was more self-aware or empathetic he could make some logical leaps and examine his own behavior more, but really what this does in his eyes is make his own actions feel less terrible in comparison. like yeah i’m bad but not THAT bad.

tl;dr i love merri dearly but he fucking sucks. not as bad as he could’ve been but boy that sure doesn’t make him good!

[hollowknightinsanity]

i have andra on the mind. im gonna talk abt her.

well specifically her and grimms daughter (who ive named timori, i cant remember if i said that or not) but yknow

mostly ive just been thinking about timori’s personality, and how she is with her baby siblings and the rest of the troupe

she’s a VERY chaotic character. loud and outgoing and not afraid to speak her mind, and willing to beat the ever loving fuck out of a mf for someone she cares about (or if she just doesn’t like them). she acts like a teenager despite being a fully grown adult half-god and i find that very funny

she’s a little overprotective of her siblings — some people who summon the troupe aren’t too trustworthy in her eyes, so sometimes she’ll follow the summoner around to make sure they’re taking proper care of the grimmchild, and if not, she’ll step in (and kick their ass, if she deems it necessary).

i like to think that timori helped run the performance during the events of the game, or at the very least that she was present while ghost was doing their thing. since andra knew holly (and genuinely really cared about them), she immediately pointed out ghost’s similarities to them to grimm, and bc he loves his wife, grimm assigned timori with keeping an eye on them to make sure there wasn’t anything they really needed to worry about.

timori, who adores her mom and dad with her whole heart and knows what went down in hallownest to make andra leave, agrees to do that, and so she spends most of her time in hallownest trying to keep tabs on ghost’s activities when she knows where the hell they are (that bastard is FAST, and REALLY good at hiding). by doing that, she found the variety of vessel corpses just laying around the kingdom, and she was like “oh shit, are there multiple???????”

and when she saw ghost going down into the abyss, she took a peek herself, saw the floor LITERALLY MADE OF MILLIONS OF VESSELS, and was like “oh shit, there are multiple”

this revelation made andra understandably upset and distressed. infanticide ain’t cool, man!

anyway. after the events of the game, andra feels kinda obligated to return to hallownest every once in a while to check up on ghost (holly and ghost looked almost exactly the same as kids, and andra loved holly with every fiber of her being, so she felt immediately attached to ghost when she met them), and also to see the grimmchild again, even though the troupe usually doesn’t do that. they do it this time, though, and andra had a mental breakdown when she saw holly again. and a panic attack when the shade lord appeared out of fuck-knows-where bc the grimmchild wanted to say hi.

after that unreasonably funny interaction, timori and her baby sibling are reunited and have a grand old time traveling the whole kingdom with their parents (and holly, because they missed andra and wanted to tag along)

all in all, timori is a great kid, she’s just like me fr, and she and her dad constantly joke about their shared transness and the fact that they traded genders.

timori is transfem, and i hc grimm as transmasc. this makes for some lovely goofs in the troupe tent.

ok im done now 👍