#in either case leading to some sort of horrible misunderstanding

[asexual-levia-tan]

on the topic once again of cale talking about his transmigration is that. okay.

i think ron will be. okay with it to a certain extent. because this is the cale that saved his life, made him a new arm, and helped him get revenge on arm. or rather, even if he's not okay with it, he'll likely still be loyal to him.

beacrox im sure won't really care, he'll be like "OH okay that makes sense yeah" but he otherwise didn't care much for the og!cale despite knowing him, either thought he was trash or was stupid for pretending to be trash, but either way the transmigration wouldn't be a thing he hates.

but for ron, he still considers cale to be his "puppy young master" but at one point he acknowledged that that puppy had grown into a tiger at some point. but to him, (og)cale would always be a puppy. i wonder if finding out about the transmigration would change how he views/treats (krs)cale at all...

also please please please cale say something like "the original cale henituse is happy now. he has reunited with his mother." without context please please please🙏🙏🙏

[wrongeddeadthenevermourned]

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

"I met Joshua when we were still children. He and I were both part of separate coven's. As teenagers I realized I loved him. His brother and him had not yet merged, of course.  I remember the boys throughout the years. They were pretty close, I suppose. Joshua had seemed a lot more sensitive, or perhaps he was shyer than his brother had been. More scared, I noticed. Perhaps that's what attracted me toward him, a need to help him, to save him." The woman glanced away then, frowning a bit "I sometimes wonder if I had saved him. With the cost being that in the end the twins would still have to merge. I sometimes would pressure him to have sex. He was more than willing with the act itself. But, what had seemed to keep him away from going through with it was those terrifying thoughts of merging. I would never know how it must feel to spend most of your life knowing that either you, or your twin was going to die due to old custom's. Perhaps I could have done a little more than I ended up doing. It may have spared us all the trouble to come later..."

The woman moved, adjusting her clothing as she tried to get comfortable " I encouraged him to live his life and not think about the merge so much. He did this for a while. When I was around twenty one, the same age as he was, we got married. We had only been married a couple of months at the time and I could see that he was under a lot of stress at the time. With The Merge getting closer, his brother was becoming a bit more aggravated. Both had spent their days trying to be better than the other, stronger than the other would be. I watched as what was once a strong bond between the twins begin to fall apart. The boy I had grown up around had become men terrified of dying. And it was hard to blame either of them. It had been some months before his twenty second birthday that he had come to me and asked if I was worried. I told him I was not."  She sighed then, looking down " But maybe a bit of me was. This man was the one I had fallen in love with. I would have done anything to see that he did win. So I did, do anything. He won the merge, and life went on. But it had changed him in some way."

"But what part of him had changed, was his brother, and what part of him that had changed, was himself. I couldn't really say for sure. He was still Joshua for the most part. At least I had only seen him as such for the next couple of months." The woman looked away then, squinting a bit, her baby blue eyes almost searching for an answer that wasn't there " I had become pregnant not long after the merge. With Josette and...His name was not Malachai at first. We were still debating their names for the longest time." She smiled a bit, running her hands along her stomach a bit, thinking back to it " He wasn't as enthusiastic about it as I was." The woman had then commented before pulling her hands away to rest them on her knee's " Her name was going to be something more like Jolene or such at some point. But Joshua insisted on Josette as we reached the eight trimester. His name, Malachai's was the last to be chosen of the two. Joshua hadn't seemed too interested in Malachai, not that I think back to it. He was always asking about Josette. Ignoring almost that they were twins."

Frowning again, the woman seemed a bit irritated for a moment " I remember asking him about it one time, and he said he had just forgotten about 'the other one' sometimes. Then one day he came home from his usual day out and suggested we name our first son Malachai. It was a nice name, at least it had been a name finally. Perhaps that is why we had felt so distant from him, we just couldn't decide on a name and by the time we did there was little connection made. Life carried on for a while before one day I was feeling a bit peckish and looking through the kitchen for something to munch on. The babies were very active at the time, I remember because Malachai kept kicking me...At least I believe it was him. Then- an unfamiliar pain struck me." She pauses a bit annoyed as she tried to remember what had happened next " I felt my magic draining, and the next thing I knew I had collapsed to the floor-" Turning her head away she nervously shifted a little where she sat "Then it had stopped. The draining feeling lingered for a bit. But it had already started a string of events that I wished, now, that I had been able to control."

She glanced down, debating for a moment on what to say next before clearing her thoughts "I had gone into labor right there, I suppose it was the shock of it all. Joshua had come home not long after- in his panic and worry he had managed to get us to the hospital. Josette was born first. A few minutes later Malachai was also born, his umbilical cord had been wrapped around his neck at some point. He wasn't breathing, I was told then. The first one I got to hold was Josette, she was an average size and weight of a female infant in those days. We had been worried about Malachai then, of course. Worried he might die, which now that I think about it, perhaps would have been for the best. Joshua had continued to ask about how our son was doing. They in time finally told us that they had gotten him breathing and were finishing up with him. Malachai was slightly underweight and his lungs were a little underdeveloped we were told but outside of the events leading to his birth he was average for a male infant in those days." Clearing her throat she looked back.

"A couple of day's later we took them home. And the crying, oh, there was so much crying. By then however Joshua had figured out that Malachai was a siphoner and forbid me to comfort him. It was hard at first, resisting the urge to comfort this small, defenseless infant as it screamed and screamed, begging for the comfort it needed, it deserved. But Joshua was strict, warning that the child was 'tainted' and would cause more arm if he were allowed to touch either him, me, or Josette. Again, I could see that terrified young boy that was worried about The Merge only months before. But it seemed even a little more so at this time. A siphoner, our son was a siphoner. He would have no control over draining our magic at his touch until he was older. We had to be careful with him.  Feeding was easy, but had to be done from the bottle. We didn't pick him up, or touch him unless absolutely necessary...I..I admit. We didn't do right by him, even in those innocent days. We would leave him alone for hours, crying, and crying. Unfed, unchanged. He would develop rashes and sores. His crying sometimes did not end for days."

Tearing up a bit, the woman glanced down " And when we did bring ourselves to touch him, we made sure to wrap his arms up. Changing him quickly and feeding him just as quickly before shutting him away in the dark once again. At some point the crying had stopped. Joshua had been the first to notice how quiet Malachai had become in those days. I thought, maybe he had died when Joshua brought it up. He had seemed to hope that was the case. Upon checking on our son though he was what would now be called 'self soothing' sucking on his fingers, it was- I suppose, relieving, that he had been intelligent enough to comfort himself. The crying happened less and less at the months went on and the twins grew older.  Joshua and I gave most of our attention to Josette- Malachai was mostly left to his own devices more than anything. We would lock him in his bedroom, which had been baby proofed beforehand and he would quietly play with the toys we provided him. Sometimes we would often check in on him and see how he was doing. He was happy-drooling over his toys, gurgling out some sort of baby speak. As normal babies are expected to be. Just, alone. Very alone."

"Maybe we could have been kinder, perhaps a bit more understanding. But he scared and worried us. We were young- what could we even do. Our child was a monster, an abomination." Shaking her head, she sighed " But he was also a baby, tiny, defenseless and not knowing what he was capable of.  In time, the twins had gotten older they were about three and I had become pregnant with our next child. Malachai was what I would have to describe to be, a normal three year old boy. He had by now been told not to touch anyone, and Josette was told not to touch him. But there were slip ups still, little accidents. The two were still children after all, with slight reminding and keeping a close eye on the two I managed to keep the touching down to a minimum. Joshua however, if he would see it would shout at Malachai, perhaps that is where it had all began. This poor three year old boy who just wanted to be a normal kid, to play with his sister like any other sibling would want. But it just couldn't be. He was dangerous. We needed to protect ourselves and our children from him."

Swallowing, she glances around, thinking for a time before she continued once more " Perhaps it is that we had hoped he would understand, in time. Why such cruel precautions needed to be taken. But maybe putting the weight of such on such a small child had adverse affects, unforeseen. However, he continued to strive, develop and grow. I would have our third child. It was on this, one day after the birth of our third that I would hear our new baby crying. Hurrying into their room I had caught Malachai sucking the magic from my child. That monster was hurting my newborn. Without thinking I rushed over and pulled the infant from Malachai's hold and shoved him away in my anger, before smacking him. As he cried and held his hand to his face I had realized what I had done. -A small part of me had felt horrible. Me, a mother, his mother, striking him so viciously over a silly misunderstanding. But, at the same time it had felt relieving. All this worry, and terror of what might happen if I got to close to him was released. It had almost felt too good, to have hit this three year old child who had harmed my child."

She pauses, blinking " But, thinking back now, I realize how silly that thought may have been. He was our child. He was always our child. We were abusing our child. It just didn't click with us at the time. As he was always seen as something other than. Malachai of course did not understand." Picking her head up, she narrowed his eyes then " Even now. I tend to find it hard to care, given what would happen later on. Does that make me heartless, and cruel, too?  Maybe.  But this was just how it was in those days. But after that moment it seemed the floodgates had opened. Malachai was no longer just a child under our roof. He was our responsibility. We had to keep him away from the rest of the magical world and build our wall around him at home. It was difficult of course. Malachai was such a sweet unassuming child. That's all he had been for the longest time. Despite it all he would ask me or Joshua questions about silly things. As children tend to do. Asking about space, or why the sky was blue and the grass green. But we both had only seen this abomination walking around in what should have been our precious son's, body."

"It all seemed more like an act, something a demon would play. It had almost been cruel to look at him and not be able to love him. Knowing that that wasn't really my child deep down, that he was wrong or broken and it was just a matter of time before he also figured that out as well. The feeling was of course the correct way to feel, in the end. But I often ask myself, was it from what we did to him, or would he have always ended up the way he would turn out, had we have treated him better? It's silly to wonder these questions now however." The woman sighed " Simply because the story has already been written, the mistakes have already been made. Malachai simply is, now." Drumming the fingers of her right hand along the side of her left hand, she composed herself, still " I remember one of the few times he would cry in his childhood would be at night, a pain I cannot understand seemed to plague him. This pain would leave him feverish most of the time. Those became the only times I would hear him cry for the longest times. The only times I wanted to...just, love him. My motherly intincts would come back."

Lifting a hand up, she gestured vaguely to one side "I would leave him soups and medicine to try and help with the pains or the fever. It seemed silly to call this boy a monster, disassociate him with being my son. But the moment he showed a shred of illness, this feeling wrenched my soul so much that I needed to take care of him. As he got older and the fevers continued I had considered once in a while poisoning some of the soup. Maybe, Joshua and I had noticed his attitude had changed around this time. He wasn't very sweet. Malachai would instigate the other children. He would manipulate them at times and try and take magic from them in little games. Joshua had found more than a fair share of brutally murdered animals in the woods that surrounded our family home." She brought a hand to her face, concentrating then " But whenever it was brought up to him, he would deny having anything to do with such acts. He never showed signs of being attacked by animals either. Not even the faintest scratch to be seen. --I had my doubts, but I had been blinded by imagining him to be evil, that I looked the other way. I let Joshua handle it."

"By the time he was a teenager I had grown exhausted by these things. This questioning had entered my mind. Was he truly as awful as Joshua insisted? Malachai might have gotten angrier throughout the years, and many siblings tease and have manipulated their siblings to some extent- blaming the other on broken lamps, whose turn it was to do the dishes. Malachai wanting magic to stop whatever pain the lack of magic had brought him isn't as extreme as it could have been. But still, these were my children he was attempting to hurt. It angered me just as well, and I suppose it just did not dawn on me that he was hurting, too." The woman sighed, shifting a bit to get comfortable again " He was just a young kid, trying to stop the pain. Maybe he did kill those animals, maybe he didn't- Joshua was convinced he was unsuitable for The Merge though. By the time the twins were nineteen I had become pregnant with Lukas and Olivia. Malachai had gone off to college almost two years prior. We didn't really see or hear much from him for the next couple of years."

"It was probably just as well, better for all of us. With the years leading up to that time Malachai had been becoming more and more different. Joshua's training for the other children had seemed to irritate Malachai from time to time. As they could learn magic and he couldn't since he had no magic. He felt like he was being left out, or forgotten. I would often hear Joshua and Malachai arguing about the situation. Malachai seemed to want to spend more time with Joshua, who had wanted nothing to do with Malachai. He didn't, of course, having to deal with that abomination had frightened Joshua, who was relentless in making sure Malachai had known he was never going to be as good as Josette. So there was no use in Malachai learning anything. --Josette was always good. She caused very little problems with our other children. She was always getting good grades in school. The other kids had loved both their older siblings quite an awful lot I remember. Malachai had been so sweet with them growing up, a good older brother any normal family might have even said."

The woman frowned a little bit then " But Joshua and I were always right. That facade he kept up finally broke one day. He had been off at college, or we thought. It had been several months since the last time we had seen him, around Christmas the year before. Then- one day he showed up while Joshua and I were out. And...that's when it happened. He killed them. Four of our children, and he tried to kill our youngest. Joshua had seemed to clearly blame himself. A conversation had been had some time prior to the incident, where Joshua had brought up why the younger pair of twins had been born. Malachai had connected the dots however. He was a lot smarter than we ever gave him credit for. The wolf had finally removed the sheep's clothing, then. He hunted them all down, and killed four of my babies. I wished he had suffocated when he was born.  I felt like a hole had been ripped right through me." Blinking away some tears, she looked from side to side " Joshua had been planning too, however. They had planned it all, and that got my children murdered by a psychopath-" The woman blinked as a voice had chimed in telling her Malachai was not a psychopath " I don't care what he is."

"Joshua sent him away, but it would never fix the damage that monster brought onto our family. Josette left not long after and I was left along with the trauma and pain of having lost all of them. Olivia and Lukas kept me sane, for the most part. But they were not enough, everything I had worked for, everything I had, had been taken away from me. In time I became numb to the pain however. Knowing that Malachai was gone for good. Or so I had opened. The only children I had left, grew up and moved on as well. Moving away eventually, and then there was only Joshua and I for a while. But I could not bring myself to bare it any longer. I had to get away from that home, for good. So I left him, and went back to a solitary life of a witch. I went back to my own coven, who had moved on from there long before and found another state to live in. I tried to erase my past. I still loved Joshua and my two remaining children. But seeing them had reminded me of that night. Of what that- monster had done to my children. Then, I heard he had come back. He managed to escape that prison world. I have followed along with what has been going on since. It disgusts me that something so monstrous had come from me."

[kendrixtermina]

Since you seem to enjoy analyzing stories I was wondering if you have any advice on what to do when your mind narrows in on critical aspects? I usually really enjoy analyzing media but recently I found that my mind tends to hyper-focus on aspects that I don't like even when I'm actively trying to ignore it and focus on what I do like. So I was just curious if you have tips for dealing with it and/or getting out of this mindset. Thanks and I apologize if this isn't the right blog for this!

Ugh. This is a big question and I’m not sure I’m qualified or immune to complaining. But I consider myself honored, I’ll try my best to answer it. 

There’s three things you can do here

a) Try to find out where it’s coming from. 

Cross-examine yourself active listening wise. Your reactions can generally come from two places: What you’re actually looking at, or yourself. 

Is everything annoying you as of late because you are angry? Are you having a bad week because of something in your private life? Are you sensitive because some larger tendency in RL/society is pissing you off? Is it even anger? What are you feeling and why? Does it really have anything to do with this movie etc?

Or is it something about the work itself? Does it remind you of something that happened to you? Does your displeasure come from a value that is important to you or a pattern that you believe to be a bad influence on society. 

Really try to put into words what it is that makes you feel this way while keeping in mind that your feelings, your reaction to the work and the work itself are separate entities. 

I’d remain open to the possibility that you have a legitimate gripe here. If you personally can’t enjoy a work either because a subjective factor or an objective flaw that’s a dealbreaker for you, you shouldn’t force yourself to like it because your friends do or because it didn’t do anything “unforgiveable”. Deciding that it’s not your cup of tea needn’t be a moral judgement on everyone who made the work or everyone who likes it. 

On the other hand you might find it easier to enjoy it if you acknowledge the flaw and put it into definite words, tell your inner critic that you heard them and then continue. If you try not to think about something you automatically end up thinking about it. 

b) Keep in mind that there are many valid stories and that all of them are worth telling

A lot happens on this green earth. Consider the following cases:

A1: A small, lithe person is mistreated by a big strong one

A2: A small, lithe person mistreats a big strong one and pretends to be the victim appealing to their small ness

B1: An eccentric kid is labeled as disordered just for being eccentric and because the teachers don’t want to deal with her 

B2: A serious-minded kid has an actual anxiety disorder and experiences stigma because of it and people not understanding that it’s real and debilitating

C1: There is a socially awkward, nerdy character. She is eventually revealed as autistic and her friends accept her just as she is. 

C2: There is a socially awkward, nerdy character. She comes out as aroace and all her friends support her. It is emphasized that she is actually as affectionate as everyone else and preconceptions to the contrary were just bigoted misunderstandings. 

C3: There is a socially awkward, nerdy character.  She finds a significant other who loves her even though she is socially awkward, and her love leads her to discover more communicative passionate sides to her personality. 

Clearly, for each of these scenarios, there are going to be people who relate to some but not to others. If you’ve got an anxiety disorder you’re going to relate to the story with the anxiety disorder, and if you were mis-labeled by incompetent teachers you’re gonna relate to that. But both actually happen in real life. B1 is me B2 is one of my sisters. You might even say they’re caused by some of the same intolerant attitudes. 

So ask yourself:  Is any of these intended as a “fuck you” to the people who would rather have the other ones? If in one particular story the character was mistakenly labeled by incompetent teachers and never had a real disorder, it it saying that no one has real disorders? If the small and lithe character turns out to be the victim, does it mean that big and strong characters are never victims? No of course not. 

 - You can criticize it if the story outright makes such statements and it is vital to do so (see next paragraph), but if the point in the story is just that this particular character was wrongly labeled, or this particular small character was the victim, then it’s simply telling a different story, not at all making a point about whether real disorders or big strong victims exist. 

What’s cathartic or empowering or meaningful to people is as different as people themselves. There’s a good chance that there won’t be an exact match between you or any given authors. 

Often the problem is not the stories that are there, but the ones that are missing. It’s not per se bad to have “girl gets rescued by prince” stories, it’s only bad if they’re the ONLY stories. The solution is more stories. 

Obviously there are exceptions to that like stuff that outright includes negative stereotypes or unquestioned bad behavior treated as good, 

c) Focus on constructivity and context instead of loaded labels

The above was more about perceived flaws this one is about real indisputable flaws. Flaws that are important to point out.

The number one goal here, if you really care about stopping harm and not anyones egos,  should be to get people to stop doing it. 

Sometimes in extreme cases making someone out to be a bad person and warning of them is exactly how you stop harm, but often time its not and getting obsessed with “punishing bad people” while losing sight of “preventing harm” does zero to help the people actually being harmed. Or worse than zero, if you associate a worthy cause with frivolous squabbles. 

Some people just don’t care and will never change their ways but you won’t ever convince those. You need to convince everyone else. All the ones who are maybe just ignorant and didn’t know better, or never had to form an opinion about this. Even if the maker themselves won’t change opinion, you can sway those. 

Imagine a bigoted religious person. how are you more likely to convince them? Get them to stop being religious, which is probably a part of their identity? Or try and argue that equality is, in fact, compatible with their religion? If you step on people’s egoes they will be attacked and block/dismiss all you have to say. Not only will they not change, they’ll dig in their heels. In the worst case, they’ll now start thinking that your Reasonable Position is incompatible with their identity. 

Again some people are determined to have their egoes stepped on and will be insulted no matter what, but those are not the target. 

This isn’t about appeasing assholes, it’s about creating change, because that will stop harm. So instead of throwing negatively changed emotional labels at people (which activates the ego and the emotions) try talking about cause and effect and consequences, to talk to their reason. Explain how the consequences happen. 

For similar reasons, try to think of solutions. You don’t want to destroy the work, you want to make it a better work that more people can enjoy without being distracted by unnecessary flaws. 

Avoid: 

“X is a [negative label] who [buzzword] a [sympathy-drawing label]!!! Why are [entire social group that contains people you want to convince] like this?!”

Instead:

“I know that this was probably supposed to express [intention], but it comes off like [unfortunate implication] and given [harmful social tendency] it might have been better to do [alternate redendition] “

Example #1: “The intention in scenes like in the original Blade Runner, several James Bond Movies or in the Original Star Wards trilogy where the original male characters was probably that these protagonists being suave guys know that the girls really want them to screw/kiss them. The authors know this because they created the characters, but IRL you cannot actually read anyone’s mind and what often happens IRL is that person A proceeds without really making sure that the other person is comfortable, and then they freeze up in fear though they don’t want to have intercourse, and ends up horribly traumatized. There’s not enough general knowledge about the “freeze” part of “fight-flight or freeze”, or good consent education and it would be irresponsible to make this worse. 

All it would literally take to fix it is to have the girls explicitly show that they want to kiss/have sex.”

Example #2: “A lot of horror fiction slaps the names of real diagnosable conditions on what are basically violent monster villains. It’s only natural to wonder what’s going on in the minds of killers and monsters and try to want to contextualize this, but it is vital to keep in mind that there is currently a lot of stigma against people with mental ilnesses, and that depictions like this can make it worse and make it hard for actual real-life people to get jobs and housing. 

If you’re going to use the names of real-life diagnosable conditions you should be committed to researching them and writing the characters realistically while being mindful of the stigma and the social impact that wrong renditions would have and not make a freakshow out of it. 

Alternatively, if you just want to do an unrealistic horror movie killer, don’t use the names of real conditions that real people have.”

d) Refresh Button. 

Especially because you’re saying that this isn’t your default mode and that it feels like some recent thing that you don’t really want. 

- take a break, busy your mind with something else, give the subconscious time toprocess and old perceptions time to settle. Then come back to it. 

- Try sort of looking at it from a new perspective, to deconstruct it from the bottom. What dothing really mean? What are we really told about the characters and events? Try processing it all new from the ground up without “common widom” 

- Things that aren’t explained on screen aren’t necessarily plot holes. There’s a difference between a contradiction, something that can’t fit together, and something that can fit together you just don’t know how. Deduce. Speculate. This is where your logic and imagination come in. 

- Maybe watch a new person react to it for all new input like a reaction vid on youtube

e) Outside Data. 

Same as above - People are basically really sophisticated Boltzmann machines/ statistical learning algorithms. I#m the least to want to admit that but to a degree we’re all influenced by the Data we take in. 

If you’re surrounded by a lot of material and soucres that pick apart every little thing in media, it’s natural that it would arise as a thought. 

If you don’t really want that in your life, filter it out. 

I hope this was of some sort of use. But I stress again that I’m no kind of authority on any such things and that many others might pick this apart as blasphemy. 

[fanonorcanon]

Cullen & F!Mage Trevelyan (Peaceful Thedas AU)

“Oh for fuckssakes,” She groaned, getting up slowly. The eluvian had thrown her out at the top of a hill. A hill strewn with bushes, rocks and weeds.

“Are you alright, that was quite a fall,” someone said.

“Oh yes, completely fine,” she spat, dusting off her clothes and the pack that had fallen from her back. “Nothing like rolling down a fucking hill that’s at least ten feet tall with--” she began before she looked up. Oh, Maker. He’s hot. “Sorry,” She finished lamely.

He chuckled and she felt her face grow hot.

“Can we start over? Hello, I’m Tilda, and you are?”

“Cullen, a pleasure to meet you,”

“Why yes, it certainly is,” she smirked, tilting her head. He seemed stunned rather than pleased so she pressed on. “So where am I, Cullen?”

“You don’t know where you are?” He asked.

“Not really, eluvians don’t usually come with instructions.”

“You came through an eluvian? I’ve only heard of those in legends!” He grinned.

“Uh yeah, anyway, where is this?”

“Ferelden.”

“Yes, I figured as much, but where?”

“Oh! Apologies. We’re in Honnleath,” Cullen replied matter-of-factly.

“No, really. Where are we?” She laughed.

“I’m not sure I understand why you think I would lie about that, but we are indeed in Honnleath. Redcliffe is several miles that way.”

“Huh,” She heaved a sigh and began pacing.

“Are you alright, my lady?”

“So let me get this straight. Here, in this Thedas, Honnleath never got invaded by darkspawn?”

“Dark what?”

Her jaw dropped. She'd heard of eluvians taking people to faraway places, but never to a different world. A different timeline maybe? Very strange indeed. “You’re kidding. You’ve got to be. You don’t even have darkspawn? Well shit. I really lucked out. No demons either then?”

“A myth told by the Chantry,” Cullen replied hesitantly.

“Okay.” She nodded.

“Are those common where you’re from?”

“Very. You guys been to war much?”

“What?” Cullen was adorable and completely sheltered by a land that had never known war.

“I’m staying here,” She murmured, mostly to herself. She made the decision without hesitation because fuck that conflict-ridden world. The maker had given her a chance to start over in a land with no big bad hanging over one’s head. “You guys probably don’t even have slavery here, do you?”

“No, not in Ferelden. There are some who aren’t opposed to the idea, but I am. Is that a problem for you, Tilda?” He asked sharply.

“Not at all, you misunderstand, I deplore slavers.”

Cullen smiled brightly, clearly relieved.

“Definitely staying here,” She said, louder this time.

“You’ll probably want to stay with one of my sisters for the time being,” Cullen said firmly. “I’m sure I can send a messenger on to let them know. I don’t think they’d mind.”

“Nah, I’m fine right here. Hopefully you can give me some insight on where and what this place is. Because right now it's a damn paradise compared to the Thedas I knew.”

“If you insist. Just for tonight until I can arrange something more fitting for you,” Cullen agreed reluctantly, leading me towards his house.

“Hey, Cullen I am not fussy at all. I was actually trying to get away from some demons. Nasty things, trust me.”

“If you weren’t opposed to it, I’d love to hear some tales of the way things are there.”

“To someone who’s only known peace, I’m sure they’ll sound very grand but that’s not really what they are,” She replied.

Cullen gestured for her to sit while he fetched cups and a pitcher of water.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

He sat everything down, including slices of hearty bread with butter and jam before sitting down.

“Should have made tea,” he murmured to himself.

She put a hand on his arm. “You don’t have to be so nervous, Cullen.”

“I’m not, at least I don’t think I am. I don’t get much company that I welcome other than my family so I suppose I am feeling a bit out of sorts.”

“So you get a lot of unwelcome company then?” She arched a brow at the blush that stole over his face. “Let me guess, a handsome man like you probably gets lots of proposals?”

“No!” He sputtered.

“So more than a lot?” She pressed.

“Maker’s breath. I don’t think they’re proposals. But they do ask me to meet them at some place in Redcliffe it's either a fountain or statue or something, I'm afraid I don't concern myself with the specifics. I always tell them that I’d rather not make the trip and leave things unattended for so long. There are many older people living in the area, I worry about them you see.”

“Wow,” she giggled. “So you’re turning down loads of people so that you can help the elderly. You’re a real charmer, huh Cullen?” She tried to bite back further laughter as he blushed even harder.

“It just seems like the right thing to do!” Cullen huffed.

“I’m sorry. That’s just so precious.”

They talked well into the evening about his family, her own family and things they like to do when they have the time. Conversation lulled only when their stomachs growled loudly. Cullen chuckled and got up to make dinner.

“Would you like some help?”

“No, you're a guest, please rest. I'm sure you need it after today. Demons, huh?”

“Yeah, demons. Horrible things.”

“What were you doing before you encountered them?”

“There was a war with mages and templars that hadn’t been going well for either side so there was an agreement to meet peacefully to talk. I was marching to the temple of sacred ashes with friends from my former Circle in hopes of making an accord or at least some sort of pact, but I think there was an explosion, some woman urging me on… I can't seem to remember that part. It's not important though; seems more like a nightmare than anything.” She tried to push away the thought of what it would mean to the Thedas she knew that the only way anyone thought there'd be peace had perhaps disappeared in a giant flash of green flame. Mages would certainly be painted the villain. She sighed heavily.

“It sounds important.” Cullen looked worried, his brows furrowed thoughtfully.

“I doubt a simple alchemist like myself would make any difference in the oncoming storm there,” She chuckled humorlessly.

“Maybe it's the romantic in me but I've read many stories where one person makes all the difference. I truly believe that's possible. And you've fought demons before so it seems that you'd do a lot better than someone like me.”

“That's kind that you think so much of me, but more to the point; are you trying to get rid of me already, Cullen?” She feigned deep offense, laying a hand against her chest.

“Of course not! I just don't think I should put my own desire for agreeable company above the fate of the world. Even if it isn't my world.”

“So you find me agreeable? Only agreeable?” She teased.

“Stop that,” he huffed.

“I’m sorry, but you make it very easy to tease you,” she grinned sweetly at him.

He set down a pot of tea then two plates laden with cheese, cured meats, apples and more of the hearty bread from earlier.

“Let's just eat.” He sat across from her, a blush reaching his ears.

Seeing him get flustered over the smallest things was just too much.

“Are there mages and templars here?” She asked around a mouthful of bread.

“Slow down. The food’s not going anywhere, my lady.” Cullen chuckled at her frown.

“They're not very common. I've only met two mages in my life and not a single templar,” he said.

“Do templars rule over mages?”

His brow creased. “No. Why would templars need to rule over mages?”

She began to tell him about demons, harrowings, tranquil and the rite of annulment some mages had been threatened with.

“Templars, where I come from anyway, operate under this guise that they need to protect mages from themselves. In my own experience many templars fancy themselves as jailors to mages, think themselves beyond reproach. Some do really bad things. Tormenting someone who cannot fight back, either because they fear retribution or in the case of tranquil where they’re incapable of standing up for themselves because the spell doesn’t let them is abhorrent. Those templars are rarely reprimanded.”

“But couldn't mages just supervise each other? It hardly seems fair. And no one deserves to be made tranquil,” Cullen huffed.

They sat in companionable silence for some time before she spoke again.

“Can I tell you a secret?” She whispered.

“I'd be honored to keep your secret, my lady.”

“I actually considered becoming tranquil.”

“Why? Why would you give up your free will?” Cullen asked, completely aghast.

“I didn't want to leave myself open to corruption. It was something that had been drilled into me so heavily to the point of paranoia. But one of my instructors convinced me to go forward with my training. That it was okay to be unsure, but to hone your mind like a blade and always be on watch. To be cautious but bold.”

“They sound like a really great person.” Cullen smiled at her.

“Yeah, thanks Cullen.” She sighed happily. “I haven't told anyone that since my instructor all those years ago.”

“If you’re truly intent on staying, we could use an alchemist in the area. As I said there are many elderly people living nearby and the nearest alchemist is in Redcliffe. Having one closer could make all the difference,” Cullen said quietly.

“Is there some place I could stay for longer than a single night? I don’t want to besmirch your honor, ser Cullen,” she said playfully.

“I’d have to ask around.”

“Don’t worry too much. I could find a cave somewhere out there and become a real ‘witch of the wilds’,” she giggled.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, there are bears and wolves aplenty out there.”

“Cullen, I’ve fought demons and darkspawn. I’m sure I can fend off some wildlife.”

“I’d rather you not have to though,” Cullen said softly, his brow creasing once more. He seemed deep in thought before he slapped a hand on his knee. “There’s an old fishing shack near the lake, I could fix it up a bit for you. It’s not far from here.”

“As long as it’s not too much trouble.”

“It should only take a few days. You can stay here in the meantime. I’ll sleep there.” He stood abruptly and began to walk towards the door.

“Surely it can wait until tomorrow. I could help,” she reasoned.

“No time like the present,” he grinned. “I’ll return in a few days, though I might stop in for food every now and then if I can’t find any game.”

“But what about supplies? Nails and things.”

“I can get those tomorrow. I’m mostly going to check the damage and gather lumber.”

Her eyes widened. “You’re really something.”

“Thank you, I think.”

“Please don’t push yourself too hard. I’d rather you not hurt yourself just for…” She couldn’t help trailing off.

“No, I’d really appreciate having an alchemist in the area. This is simply a service to the community!” He chuckled.

“I’d still like to help, Cullen. It’ll be dark soon and it’d be a lot easier to see in the dark with help.” She held out a hand and summoned veilfire to her palm. “Are you sure I can’t convince you?”

“That’s amazing. I-I suppose that would be very helpful.”

She checked her bag for the basics, bedroll, soap and a change of clothes. He packed his own bag with the same, including food and basic cooking supplies.

“And to think you were just going to walk out the door without all this,” she chuckled.

“I was a bit eager, I suppose.”

She nodded and followed him outside and towards the shack, he picked up an axe by the door on their way out. When they arrived she saw no damage, and thought it needed no repairs.

“No, no, it needs some kind of insulation, tar or something between the boards. You can see inside from here. And besides, it’d be much too cold, my lady.”

“There’s a fireplace and a bed. I don’t need much more than that, Cullen.”

“No, this is unacceptable.” He shook his head and frowned.

“You’re very stubborn,” she commented.

“Maybe so, but I will make certain this place is comfortable several days from now.”

They set down their packs and searched for suitable lumber.

“You’re not cutting down a tree right now, are you?” She asked alarmed.

“No, I was just going to mark them with chalk then come back tomorrow with tools and possibly some additional hands for heavy lifting. My sisters are both betrothed to strong men, and will likely need little convincing to help bring an alchemist to the area.” He ran a hand through his hair. It was curling around the edges from the heat.

She built a fire when dusk approached.

“You can head home now. I’ll be fine here for tonight.”

“What, don’t be ridiculous. I’m sleeping here. I’ll walk you back. You deserve comfort after the day you’ve had.”

She shrugged. “I’m quite accustomed to roughing it, Cullen.”

“I’m afraid I must insist, my lady.”

“You’re not going to budge on this, are you?” She frowned at him.

She tried to settle in his bed after watching him go but instead ended up browsing his bookshelves. Hidden behind several books on sword and armor care was a book called ‘Hard in Hightown’ the cover was much different than the copy she'd seen in her own world. She grinned. Who would have thought Cullen would have smut like this? She settled onto the couch and began to read. Before she’d realized she’d gotten to the last chapter.

“My lady? I knocked on the door, but you didn’t answer, are you alright?” Cullen asked as the front door cracked a bit.

“Yes, I’m fine. Come on in.”

“What are you reading?” His smile seemed to rival the sunlight streaming through the door behind him before he shut it.

“Oh, just a little something called ‘Hard in Hightown’.”

He visibly paled.

“It’s quite good, actually. I wasn’t expecting much from a title like that, but it distracted me enough that I didn’t sleep. I must have lost track of time.”

“Maker’s breath,” he sighed. “I apologize, I’ll take that back now. It should be nothing more than kindling.”

“But I’m almost finished! Have a seat.”  

Cullen looked nervous, but sat beside her on the couch.

She feigned intense focus and watched him squirm from the corner of her eye.

“Maybe I should make some tea,” he muttered, going to stand. She set her hand across his restless legs to still them.

After she’d finished the story, including the autographed page at the back, she closed the book and set it down.

“So why does he call you Curly? Is it because of your hair?”

Cullen nodded.

“He’s a writer in my world as well. Mostly of crime novels. Is this what he’s best known for? Erotic romance?” She smirked as Cullen went pink and nodded again. “Okay, I’ve tortured you enough. Let’s eat then get to work. I plan to earn my keep in any way I can. Well, save for how some of the folks in the book earned it,” she giggled. Cullen hid his face in his hands and groaned.

“I’m truly sorry that you saw that, my lady.”

“I’m not. It was a good way to spend an evening.”

“You sure you’re not too tired?”

“Cullen,” she began, exasperated. “I'll be fine.”

“As you will, my lady.”                                     

☙ ☙ ☙

After having a quick breakfast of eggs and smoked meat they headed to the lake.

“I wasn't sure if you wanted me to tell anyone of how you got here,” Cullen said quietly.

“Hm, I suppose it would pose a lot of questions,” she replied.

“I only told them that you're an alchemist and you thought this would be a nice place to settle in. I hope I didn't speak out of turn.”

“Not at all. Thank you, Cullen.”

Once they'd gotten close to the clearing by the lake a blond man was waving enthusiastically and wore a bright smile.

“This is Alistair and this is Thom,” Cullen said.

“Good morning, my lady,” Thom said, looking up from papers he had spread over a stump.

“So Cullen tells us you're the alchemist who fell from the sky,” Alistair chuckled. “He didn't tell us what a beauty you are, though.”

“Yes. He did.” Thom said flatly.

“Should I tell Mia that her betrothed is flirting with other women?” Cullen was flushed all the way to his ears but wore an intense frown.

“I don't mean any of it! She knows I'm only joking, see she's smiling. You're no fun at all, Cullen. He's a real mood killer isn't he Thom?” Alistair said.

Thom hummed thoughtfully.

“How long have you been an alchemist, Tilda?” Alistair asked.

“I started helping my mum when I was small, but I polished my skills in a mage academy.”

“Are you from Tevinter then? I hear that place is crawling with mages these days.”

“I'm not, but the mage academy was in Tevinter, yes.” She was lying through her teeth. She'd never even been to Tevinter! “But I haven't been there for some time. I've mostly been wandering Ferelden.”

“Where are you from, then?”

“Ostwick,” She answered truthfully.

“Shall we get to work then?” Cullen asked. “Thom can you show her your plans?”

Thom nodded.

They'd planned to give the shack siding and shutters for the few windows. True to Cullen’s word, they’d all finished before the week was out. Thom had come back a few days later with a cabinet well suited for alchemy. There were over a dozen small drawers, shelves for empty vials and cabinets beneath it for larger tools like a brew pot and kettle. It was a lovely gesture and she thanked him profusely for his kindness.

Shortly after settling in and stocking up on herbs for common potions and cures she was often visited by Cullen.

“Are you sure you don't need any help, my lady?”

“You could call me Tilda for a change,” she teased him.

“I'm being polite,” Cullen argued.

“As you will then. Do you need something? A love potion perhaps? Now that you don't have to dote on the elderly you should be free to accept invitations from admirers.” She couldn't help smirking at him.

“Maker's breath,” he whispered. “Call me a prude if you will but I don't know if I'm ready for all that. I'm building an archway for my sisters weddings.”

“It's okay to not be interested in romance, Cullen.”

He sank down into a chair at the small table she'd squeezed in for dining on.

“It's not that I'm not interested,” he began hesitantly.

“But?”

“It's just as I've said. I don't think I'm ready. I have so many ideas of what romance should be and I don't want to make a mistake.”

“You can't expect to be perfect at the start. And if you find the right person they'll understand and help you through any inexperience you might have. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship.”

“That seems very wise. Did you leave anyone behind in… that other world?” There was a look in his eye that she'd never seen.

“Most certainly. Left a trail of broken hearts all the way here.”

“You're seeing someone now? I had no idea.”

“I'm joking, Cullen. There's not much room for romance in a circle. Was just a few unpleasant experiences that aren't worth mentioning.”

“Oh.”

“I hear Annabel is pretty sweet on you. Alistair said that she's brought you so many pies that you've begun sharing. I have yet to get one of them.” She feigned offense.

“It seemed wrong. I don't know why. If you like I can bring one.”

She let a silence fall between them.

“I'm sorry, my lady. I wasn't trying to hide it or anything.”

She stood and turned away from him to hide her grin.

“They're not even very good.”

She burst into laughter.

“You're worse than Alistair,” he huffed indignantly.

“Pah, I'm far more charming.”

“I suppose,” Cullen mumbled, a blush coloring his cheeks.

“Mister Rutherford, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were flirting just now!” A woman with curly blond hair stood in the open doorway.

“Mia!” Cullen yelped.

[mystokinetic]

☆ﾟ*・ﾟWoah is that Alder Forde ? I’ve heard they’re a fae working here as a History of the Fae professor. they came here because or a rather unfortunately misunderstand with a Nephilum and they’ve been working here for 8 years. As a 209 / 28 year-old, I’m sure they’re skilled. Someone told me they’re dramatic and scattered but i think they’re optimistic and earnest. I can’t help but think of cell phones that never work right, laughing at their own jokes when nobody else gets it, and drinking spiked coffee outside in the morning rain  when I look at them.

Alder is either very important in Avalon, or exceedingly not so and it all depends on who you ask about the matter. It's his family, really, that makes the difference. The only child of a trio who have so far not really discussed which of his mothers happens to be the biological one, and that is rather important since one of them is quite the well respected warrior and heroic figure so far as Nephilim go and the other is more the healer, homebody sort without much sway in the history of things. His father was never much extraordinary either way, aside from to Alder since he is his father. 

Plenty have tried to sort out which he is; simply a typical Fae with no more expectations for greatness than continuing to run the little bookstore and shop for arcane objects that his family owns or the powerful warrior just waiting for the moment to step into his power and take back up the mantle of his mother's purpose. Since none of the trio really think it all too important when it comes to their son's life it's an ongoing debate by outsiders but nothing Alder has ever worried much over because he loves all three of his parents and life growing up was rather comfortable. 

It was too comfortable actually, since Alder developed a habit of never wanting to leave the pleasant confines of home or the shop, happy to spend all his time digging through shelves and losing himself in the texts. Which really didn't suit his parents at all, the trio having had their own days of exploration out in the world they certainly didn't want their offspring to deny himself such things. 

They had to nearly shove him out the door shortly after his one hundred and thirty-sixth year because, honestly, it was well past time. There was all of Avalon to explore and of course the places where other races existed as well. But for someone like Alder, far more settled with his books and the company of people who didn't really mind his endless chattering it seemed very daunting a task. He failed to see what could be better than what he already knew he could gain by simply sticking close to home. There was obvious potential in his sharp intellect, he was adaptive, they assumed he would fair well enough.

Unfortunately there was less potential when it came to his actual social skills. He knew perfectly well about the politics and the manners of the higher classes, but applying that to himself was complicated. He had grown up under simple terms and some of the arguments of power and purpose outright perplexed him as to why they even mattered. Avalon was lovely, yes, but perhaps not the best place for him if everyone was holding their breath waiting to see what his linage would show. 

So off to the morals it was. 

They were far more interesting, such delightfully strange creatures, and Alder fell in love with their world and their ways. Simply living such short lives with such furious determination was exciting, their almost alien intensity in emotions was deeply endearing. It wasn't all great, no, a few times during his wandering through human history he saw the ugliness, the pain, and the brutality. There was always a better day though, waiting it out long enough, and that was the best thing about the realm outside of his own home; so much change and so many possibilities. He learned, he roamed, he had a wonderful time all in all. Alder had ever intention of sticking around even longer but he had a real talent for bad situations and even worse luck. If that could have been a magical power he had it in excess. 

A little mistake, the wrong person upset by his actions, and suddenly he was in far more trouble than he could talk his way out of. It didn't seem like things were going well for him at all, the threat of his freedom being revoked and the possibility of being banished to some loathsome dark corner of Avalon hanging over him Alder wasn't sure how to unravel the mess. 

Well, he had one idea, actually. 

Cain wasn't altogether thrilled with the prospects of allowing the Fae to join his staff, there was far too much unpredictable to Alder's very nature but at the same time there was something very useful about his insight and the knowledge that seemed to come so easily to him. It really was uncanny how he knew so much, how much work he put into expanding that knowledge; because honestly at that point his freedom hinged on being useful enough. It's not an arrangement many care for, his grasp of a history he was not there for more than a tiny fraction of is obviously laughable and while most wouldn't question Cain they question Alder plenty. 

It doesn't matter though, fear is a great motivator and going back home really isn't in the cards any time soon if he has any say in it.

[Headcanons]

Alder is one of those far too bright and personable sorts, friendly to a fault and with the sort of eagerness that better suits a puppy than a person. His students tend to like him, though a few of them do try to test his good nature, and he enjoys very much being around them. Of course the awkward part is in that some of those students are closer to his own age than they are other staff members but that hardly matters, right?

Now the other staff tends to have varied opinions about how well he can do his job, especially since he is a bit distracted often, but Alder shoulders it with some humor. 

Speaking of humor, he likes to think himself reasonably funny. Not always the case, but he thinks so. There is something infectious about the effort though, he simply cannot stand to see people weary and there is apparently very few extremes he doesn't go to in order to cheer up the dreary sorts. 

Entirely unknown to him, because he doesn’t really care to know the truth, he is from a very impressive linage of warrior’s blood. His biological mother has earned a great deal of praise and respect for her role in history as a fighter and something of a captain in matters of war and Nephilim affairs. Alder doesn’t have much want to fight but the instincts are there, underused so far but that might have to chance in the future, if he can ever stomach the idea of fighting. 

As one would imagine, given his friendly outlook, Alder likes people very much. Maybe more than that he adores them, in no singular sense either. He was raised with a triad family and is himself polyamorous. He's had his share of lovers and friends with a physical connection, he values every one of them for what they brought into his life and how uniquely they influenced his life. Sometimes it gets a bit complicated, yes, but he has a difficult time thinking people aren't worth it. He tries to avoid such things with students of course, generally, because really he wants to stay as much under the radar as possible when it comes to Cain.

Sexuality is quite the open book with him, he certainly doesn’t limit himself to ideas of gender being a necessity for attraction, and while he is very respectful of the feelings involved he does have a very casual personal life. He’d an adventurous type, not really much in the way of dominating but he’s perfectly happy to see where things lead, flexible about such things even though his preference isn’t towards having to be the dominate one with men or women either way. He is rather flexible to suggestion of course and a bit addicted to new ideas so he does enjoy testing the waters so long as there’s not a danger of physical or emotional harm to anyone involved. 

Alder is entirely indulgent. Maybe it's part of his Fae genetics, or his time roaming the human realms, but he enjoys his vices very much. Anything with appeal, drinking, food, really good books and movies, even the occasional experimenting with drugs; life used to be overwhelming when he was forced to step out into it but since those days Alder has learned just how wonderful it all is.  

Though to a point he is bold but not overly brave. Emotional is a good word for it, his moods are scattered and vivid. Which makes the bad moments very bad, his lowers are a bit intense as well but he usually snaps out it pretty quickly. The problem comes in not being sure where to draw his own lines, throw himself into chaos for a purpose or follow logic and realize the dangers around him. It's never an even scale, or an easy one to navigate. 

Phones hate Alder. He has yet to own one that hasn't died a horrible death in some random way, shorted out or just exploded. It's practically a talent and if people are smart they know not to lend him their phones either because it takes him five minutes flat to destroy one without even meaning to. 

Fae are graceful and ethereal but Alder is a little less so. He's bound to trip over something during the course of the day, if not a slew of things, because he's not great at paying attention to what he's doing. He's clumsy, he has accepted this, is aware of it and has comes to terms with his lack of all that lofty, magical grace that most of his race seem to have in excess. 

Alder knows several languages, mostly because of his infatuation with books. He does actually have an impressive amount of knowledge but since leaving Avalon he's grown fond of human subjects as well. He enjoys a good text detailing the Fae Court affairs of the last century just as much as he's thrilled to get his hands on the newest edition of whatever human literature is on the best seller charts. Because of this he has stacks and stacks of books, comics and magazines around where he lives. It's a bit hard to navigate, actually, he understands his organization system but nobody else stands a chance of making sense of it.  

Along with his books and such Alder keeps plants, so many plants. Again, his Fae nature shows through and he is constantly rescuing plants around the campus that are abandoned or dying, whisking them away to home and helping them recover. He's very attached to them, often chats with them and reads to them as though they were his kids.

[jasperlion]

Peace and War — very much based on dialogue/meta

Alm has an interesting view upon war, peace and all of their portents, although most is likely based on how Mycen raised him, more of soldier and leader (empathically/charismatically/but specifically a military one, being a general himself before his discharge) than anything else.

Of the following conversation I’ll highlight the important points on this, since I don’t want to lose the context of said conversation for the sake of what I want to talk about (since it’s important to the topic, too).

Alm: Look, I’ve heard from the others. I know the drought’s made Zofia a scary place. People are starving, and many have turned to thievery and plunder. Brigands loot villages for a mere sack of grain, and soon they’ll be at OUR door! And don’t think I haven’t heard what the Rigelian army has been up to. They’ve been crossing the border for years in violation of the Divine Accord. And with that sacred bond broken, now the Terrors have resurfaced as well… Mycen: …All true. Alm: Zofia is full of innocent people who are looking for help. Please, Grandfather. I want to make a difference in a world bigger than a handful of houses. I want to see all the amazing places you’ve told me about— that Celica told me about! Mycen: Suppose you do set forth with your sword and your wits. So what? Alm: …… Mycen: Will the grand story of your life be how you met the end of a brigand’s axe? Before you dream of changing the world, learn your damned place in it. And no more talk of leaving. -Mycen leaves- Alm: …What’s his problem?! Why teach me to use a sword if you’re not going to let me fight? Every day in this place is exactly the same as the next. I know I’m meant for more than this! But you have to let me find it!

--

Alm: Lukas! Were you able to speak with my grandfather? What did he say? Lukas: He said no. Sir Mycen made it clear he has no intention of joining the Deliverance. Alm: What? But he’s ridiculously strong! He could defeat some stuffy chancellor with his eyes closed! Why would he refuse when so many people are suffering? Lukas: I cannot speak to Sir Mycen’s thinking, but it seems we misplaced our hopes. I’ll have to return to our hideout and bring Sir Clive the ill news. Perhaps Mycen has simply grown too old for the battlefield.

--

Alm: I’m just saying we could do it together. …Fighting, I mean. Not the lance. Grandfather trained all of us, right? Not just me. You already know how to use a sword and a bow. So what’s the problem?

--

Alm: What? They’ve taken a prisoner?! Lukas: Alm? Let’s just be calm and… Alm?! Alm, wait, don’t — Alm: Hold it, you lecherous pigs! Brigand: Huh? Who the hell are you? Alm: Release the woman you’re holding at once, or else

Battle has always been a solution for Alm, but not in the way of savagery or wanting to subjugate, as much as it is to defend. All of his focus on the problems are what he can stop with his physical strength to protect innocents who are suffering. He is not beyond killing those who attack others to meet his goals, but he’s also not beyond parley and seeking from his opponents a more peaceful solution (provided they aren’t already doing something dastardly, like looting, attacking people, kidnapping them, etc). All in all, those are the views of someone growing up under a general, views necessary for someone whom his father and surrogate grandfather both intended to go to war in the first place and fight.

Even so, despite his willingness to draw the blade, he’s not willing to kill on sight (usually) unless weapons are already drawn. He’s rather compassionate to a fault, which stops him from attacking others without question even when he jumps to the wrong conclusion, not unless he has seen them do shit with his own two eyes (that’s pretty much how you strike the match to his temper and killing intent fhkJDKHD).

Alm: Don’t blame yourself, Lukas. Sir Clive sent you to Ram Village. right? You didn’t have a choice. If blame lies with anyone, it’s him. Lukas: …… Alm: Regardless, standing here accomplishes nothing. We need a plan. I assume this Clair person is still alive, right? In that case, we just have to take back the Southern Outpost and save her!

Really, his solutions always involve getting in a scuffle to save someone when he knows they were both wronged and are in trouble. And he jumps to conclusions and is quick to pin blame.

Of note is that instead of ordering a chase of Desaix and the Rigelian detachment with him, he instead decides to stay within the castle. He does this again after Berkut’s mirror smash, ordering his men rest instead of give chase to the fleeing Rigelians. Alm may be focused on battle as a means to an end, but he’s not at all for eliminating all who stood in his path or destroying them. (Gaiden Alm would say different here, lfmao)

It can be a little confusing when Alm has always been about compromise when there’s a misunderstanding — surely the whole thing makes him butt heads with himself... and it does! His argument with Celica is one of the biggest demonstrations of this, but there’s another thing I want to touch first.

Silque: Sir Alm, what did you see? Alm: It was… It was so clear! Silque, it was horrible! Silque: Be calm. What you saw in the vision is not the present. The Mother is either telling you what could be…or what once was. Her power is sight. Alm: So the vision is something that’s going to happen? Silque: Something that COULD happen. If the vision was ill-boding, perhaps it was a sign— a sign that the Mother wishes for you to take action in order to prevent it. Alm: ……

Alm’s reasons to continue pressing forward with the war despite Celica’s pleas is both his will to make a difference and the fact that he was called to do it. Mila sent him a vision that if things continue and he does nothing, all of Zofia will die. Her vision sets him directly at odds with Celica, who recieves one that should Alm continue on his path, he will die (and everyone he loves will die on his way to get there). 

They are directly contrasting visions, albeit Celica’s was likely a warning to get her off the island before the Cantor arrived and likely killed everyone at the priory (you know the one, the one on the lonely boat who implies he was on his way for her). Anyway, this isn’t about that, so fast forward to the argument itself with this in mind: His feeling of duty to see the war through was to save lives, but his focus was not to invade Rigel, merely push them all the way back.

Alm: …Wow. That’s quite the story. I’m trying to picture you swashbuckling pirates, and… Yeah. Just…wow. Celica: I didn’t mean to swashbuckle anyone. It just sort of…happened. But forget all that for the moment. Alm, you aren’t REALLY planning to fight the Rigelian Empire, are you? Alm: Listen, it’s not… It’s not something I chose. They were the ones who attacked us. Celica: But there must be a way to resolve things other than bloodshed, no? Alm: That’s a pretty thought, Celica, but I’m not sure it’s true. If it were, no one would be risking life and limb on the battlefield. Celica: Is it really so naive? Zofians and Rigelians are both people of Valentia, are we not? I know we can reach some kind of accord if we just try! Besides that, I… I just can’t imagine Emperor Rudolf is the monster some claim him to be. Alm: It doesn’t matter what sort of man he is. The Rigelian Empire chose to cross Zofia’s border—that’s a fact. We aim to drive back the invaders. Nothing more. Celica: But why do YOU have to lead this rebellion? Mycen’s grandson or no, you’re neither knight nor noble. So why make yourself a target like this?! Alm: Nrgh… If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear I was speaking to a blue blood. My station doesn’t matter, Celica. I’m here because I was called. I have a duty to perform, and I’ll perform it. No more, and no less. Celica: Oh, Alm… Alm: Do you think I WANTED this fight? This all started because Lima IV went and angered the empire. If you wish to point fingers, point them at the ruler who failed his people. It’s his fault we’re in this mess. Celica: That’s not… Well, so what if it is? Maybe you should go become king if it’s such a damnably easy job! Alm: What? Celica, that’s not— Celica: You’re awfully free with accusations for a boy with no idea what royalty entails! And now that you’re a “hero,” I imagine the throne is next on the list, is that it? Alm: No, it’s not like that at all, Celica! I just want to keep Zofia SAFE! Besides, there’s an heir. A princess of the royal family may have survived. If she turned up and fixed all this, I’d happily return to Ram. You could…come with me, you know? It’d be like old times.

Hoooo, other than Alm and Celica here fanning flames (flames Alm didn’t even know existed, and flames Celica did not realize were alight at all due to Alm’s previous confrontations with nobles (notably Fernand)) this shows a lot of Alm’s thinking. 

While he’s very gung ho and willing to fight for a cause, and even kill for it, he’s not alright with it having to be the solution (even if he’s okay with using it as a solution). Basically, it’s the only way he knows he can help with the problem, and he is fine with doing it, but he’s not fine with having to do it. If there are other options, he’d take them. That’s the biggest takeaway, really, since he doesn’t just speak those thoughts, but acts upon them. Jumping right to the start of Act 4 now...

Alm: …… Clive: A word, Alm? Alm: Clive! Did we receive a reply to our petition? Clive: Unfortunately, no. The empire’s silence is likely its answer. I believe it wise to resign ourselves. Emperor Rudolf has no intention of treating for peace. He means to continue his march on Zofian soil. Alm: Damn… Clive: Our men are approaching their limit. And Rigel’s climate is far colder than what they knew in Zofia. Further delaying here will only sap their strength and morale. Alm: All right, Clive. I trust your judgment. Let’s get ready to march. Clive: Understood. I’ll pass word to the others and prepare them to cross into the empire. Alm: …… What’s all of this leading to?

Alm has legitimately sent a petition to Rudolf to stop his march into Zofian soil. As per his word, his aim was merely to drive back the invasion, then request that the Rigelian’s cease trying again. His attempts for peace, or at least a meeting for parley, are met with silence, and yet he waits until Wyrmstym/Winter before finally heeding Clive’s advice and engaging in a march. Who knows how long he had between Pegastym//Autumn and Wyrmstym to wait, but it’s implied it’s been long enough for a courrier to make it to the Empire’s capital, wait for political deliberation and receive a response, and then some.

And most importantly...

Alm: Listen, Celica. I know you sacrificed your own life to protect me and the others. But I never wanted that. I couldn’t ever be happy in a world you died to create! Celica: Oh, Alm… I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Alm: Don’t apologize. Just know that I need you, all right? Without your wisdom, all I know how to do is fight whatever’s in front of me. So please… Will you fight with me? Believe in me. Believe in US. Believe in our combined strength!

Alm is very much aware that his skills lie in battle to resolve a conflict or problem, and as much as he has stated to dislike meaningless fights or struggles that can be avoided (as noted by his attempt to speak to some enemies (like witches) to try and dissuade them from attacking, or willingness to listen to Tatiana and thus speak to Zeke at the start of the fight with Jerome), and has even been noted to be a compassionate/kind leader (your choices as the player aside if you decide to kill everyone on ‘defeat boss’ missions lfmao), enough that Rigelians know this already and Rudolf can positively affirm it.

It makes him a mixed bag of emotions for this reason, because he feels terrible about what he’s good at doing, but he feels its the only way he can help.

Anyway, this was too long a post to just say that, but it’s what it is at its core. Alm is down to fight, especially if it’s someone he sees doing something vile, but as a means to an end he feels if it’s unnecessary it should be avoided (even if he feels its the only skill he has, even if it’s not particularly true). This compassionate side of him does not show at all when he feels it’s someone who deserves it, however (like Slayde and Desaix), which is probably something considered a flaw by some, maybe a dangerous one in a leader. It’s kind of fortunate that he has a well-maintained moral compass, I suppose, because this kind of thinking could lead straight to hell otherwise.

[dennou-translations]

Kagerou Daze VIII: Chapter 4

Children Record -side No.3 (2)-

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases in Japanese or in English. In case anyone is feeling generous: Ko-fi | PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

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Even if someone were to die, no matter what, we wouldn’t cry. Should we manage to meet again by any chance, crying was permitted. Ever since we had made that promise, I had been intending to prepare myself in several ways.

But, I’m sorry. This kind of thing... is really painful, after all.

It was the third time that one of my family members had died before my eyes. Honestly, under what sort of star had I been born to be facing those horrible circumstances? I had often heard the words “there are no gods”, but if there really weren’t any, wouldn’t I have been spared from wandering through such a bizarre life?

I don’t believe that gods don’t exist. There has probably been one god with an exceptionally ill personality leading us by the nose all this time. Or something.

I had already been deluding myself with those kinds of “meaningless things” over and over whenever something heartbreaking occurred. It was not as if anything would change were there any gods. I was aware of that much. Except, the desire to know what a so-called “god” was and of wanting to see one didn’t fade.

Aah, I see. That may be why.

Mary’s figure as she stood before my line of sight had a god-like, overwhelming presence, enough to make me think, “perhaps ‘that thing’ in front of me is a god”.

It had happened a little while back. Shintarou-kun’s “plan”, which was too well-done for something conceived during a single night’s timespan despite that it could not be considered meticulous, had gone roughly as arranged. Using Mary’s power, we were supposed to stop the movements of Dad... of our enemy, who “Clearing” was living inside, and restrain his body just like that. I think the way things had gone until that point could even be described as perfect.

It was immediately afterwards that the situation had abruptly changed.

Two of our comrades were murdered in the blink of an eye by a pitch-black shadow that had appeared in the center of the dark laboratory. The “Clearing Snake”, which had sprouted from within Dad’s shadow, transited into Konoha-kun’s body, as if already meaning to do so.

Konoha-kun’s “ability” was the “Awakening Eyes”. Most likely, I wouldn’t have been able to predict that the “Clearing Snake” would take over said “ability”, which strengthened its owner’s flesh, even if I had tried thinking about it.

As though sneering at me, a nasty laughter reverberated through the room. I had a feeling that I heard a scream from Mary merging with it, but I couldn’t do anything at the time other than simply stand still before the tragedy unfolding in front of my eyes.

A tenacious “body” and an evil “head”... in short, the worst-case scenario.

Regardless, by the moment I had internalized that, Konoha-kun’s sinisterly distorted smile had already been drawing close to my field of vision. As I had been grabbed by the neck and lifted, without being able to even gasp, I had squeezed my eyelids shut... Yes, it had been right at that instant. I had unwittingly cringed in fear at the words that suddenly reached my ears.

“Come, Kagerou Daze.”

For a second, I had been unable to tell that those words were from Mary. Fitting of the occasion, Mary was showing an attitude of resentment unlike her usual one from the times when we would poke fun at her.

At any rate, the person who made a fool out of her the most was no one other than myself. I even wondered if I wasn’t the one who had seen her get angry most frequently. Still, the wrath that had traced Mary’s voice when she called for “that name” wasn’t in the same proportion as normal.

“Clearing” had promptly stopped all of his movements, and although it was only for an instant, he had showed an expression that made me believe he was almost shuddering in terror.

Soon after, a gigantic jet-black mouth had materialized, cutting through the frozen atmosphere of the room. That thing, which had seemed to drive off every single bit of direness, twined around and took away Shintarou-kun and Kido’s bodies, vanishing off somewhere.

I had no idea if it was because of the impacting occurrence that had just taken place before my eyes or because of the fingers tightened around my throat, but after having witnessed that, my consciousness had come to a halt...

I pondered on how much time had passed since then.

As I woke up within dead-still, total darkness, “she” was in front of me, wearing Mary’s appearance. The reddish black pupils of her dimly shining slit pair of eyes, which crept with countless snake scales, carved holes into me. Her once long hair that used to resemble cotton had become short, and her once cheerful face that used to retain cherubic traits bore a cold countenance, as if she were someone else.

What those eyes were glaring fixatedly at was Konoha-kun’s figure, which had been discolored into black. He stood upright and didn’t budge an inch, just like Dad when Mary had petrified him earlier. However, although that way of solving things seemed to be the same as back then at first glance, it looked sort of different than how it had been done with Dad. He remained staring in bewilderment with a facial expression almost like he was stuck in the edge of despair.

The power of the “Mary” I knew wasn’t like that.

Was it my instinct? I was certain that “she” who had done such a thing to “Clearing” while he resided within Konoha-kun was not a person, but “something with a human form”. Someone clad in Mary’s appearance other than Mary herself...

Unable to hold back, I swallowed my saliva at the word “medusa”, which suddenly surfaced in my mind.

Perhaps due to having heard the sound of my heartbeats, she took notice of me, turning her feet to my direction without saying anything. Weaving, she gradually came closer with a face that made her seem like she was going to pin me down. And, as she came right before my eyes, she squatted, pointing to her own chest while asking in a voice I was used to hearing, “Are you... this child’s family?”

That manner of speaking was not Mary’s.

I wavered for a moment, but I didn’t feel any pressuring intent from her question. Either way, I did open my mouth to answer, but I didn’t know what essentially I was supposed to say in response.

I think that “this child” refers to Mary. If so, then being asked if I’m her family is a little troublesome.

It felt a tad complicated to reply with “that’s right”, and the range of interpretations for “comrade” was too big. In that case, maybe I should go with “friends”, I cogitated as well, but neglecting the family part through affirming we were friends felt off-putting.

While I was distressing with my thoughts, she exhaled with a hum and opened her mouth again as if she had just concluded something, “Or, perhaps, her husband?”

“That’s not it!!” I denied on the spot. It wasn’t like I was grossed out, but I also couldn’t afford improper misunderstandings.

Maybe due to being surprised at the loud voice that I had spontaneously emitted, she blinked a few times, sucked in a breath and snorted with a “huhu”. “What, so you can talk? Since your lips were all the while repeatedly opening and closing, I figured you were the type that would convey it in this way.” as she spoke, exactly at the point where she had said “what”, she displayed a gesture as if she were stroking her chest.

Before I realized, the air of something like solemnity that had been enveloping her until just now melted away, and it felt as though her body had somehow grown a bit smaller. Still, her way of talking even about that was pretty different from Mary’s... By the looks of it, since she was speaking so eloquently, it didn’t seem like she had changed her tone by mistake. If so, then, there weren’t many prospects to think of. Probably, upon some sort of cue, the personality of the former “Mary” had switched with “hers”. Well, there was also the possibility that “she” wasn’t a woman.

“Just... who are you?” I asked demandingly, and she blinked a few times in surprise again.

Was it a habit of hers? Her attitude almost looked like that of someone who was analyzing my words and motions as if they were fascinating.

I wondered if I was going to be hit, but instead, she spewed her name out as if she hadn’t particularly intended to keep it secret, “My name is... Azami.”

As I heard that name, the presentiment that had crossed my mind a moment before turned into confirmation. Right now, the one residing within Mary was the owner of the diary Shintarou-kun and the others had found at Mary’s house... the “medusa” Azami.

“Also, I am the mother... of Mary’s mother.”

“Ah... I-Is that so?”

Moreover, she went as far as giving a courteous explanation. From the feeling she gave off, she might be a living being much easier to understand than the image I had formed from what I had been told.

Nevertheless, with that, I was somewhat able to digest the circumstances. If I were to believe Azami’s words, she was possessing Mary’s body through whatever method, just like what “Clearing” had done with Konoha-kun. If so, then the fact she had enough power to render “Clearing” defenseless was also convincing. That person was the so-called “source” who had granted us our “abilities”. She certainly exercised a power much stronger than us, who used our “abilities” as something borrowed. Overall, maybe it could be said that the situation was as though an adult had broken into a children’s quarrel?

Then, aah, I get it. This story has a pretty cruel side too.

“Why... Why now?” words instantaneously spilled out. With them as the trigger, memories started overflowing one after another, and before I noticed, my throat was shaking. “It’s too late, isn’t it!? How many people do you think have died?!! If only you had come save us a little... a little sooner...”

Not even I knew what time the “sooner” referred to. Was it when my mother had been attacked by a robber, when Dad and Mom had gotten involved in a landslide or when Nee-chan had put an end to her own life?

Sure, there was all of that. Yet, probably, none of them is it.

Just now, I had said those things encompassing the thought of “at the very least, I’d wanted you to have come help us before Kido had died”. And so, I didn’t give continuity to the sentence I had spit out beyond that point. My feelings of regret, which had not turned into fury, morphed into tears and piled up over my waterlines.

“Ah... uh...” as she accepted my words, Azami let out a weak voice and avoided my gaze with an attitude of perplexity.

Well, that was only the expected. I knew little about Azami, but she was also a victim in the scheme of the “Clearing Snake”. She couldn’t help her agitation after being shouted at in such a way out of the blue.

Yeah, I understand it.

The fact Azami had come to our aid like that was already something to be very grateful for. I was also self-conscious of how I had unreasonably put the blame on her, and I didn’t think what I had said was right. Except, even so, I hadn’t been able to handle it. As I thought of the resentment towards my companions, who had been crushed and eaten away for no actual motive, I couldn’t internalize it without spattering it out.

“M-My apologies. I cannot even imagine the hardships you all have gone through. Even though I had wanted to come save you, I was unable to.” Azami informed with a nervous tone, closing her eyes like a little girl. I didn’t think it was an excuse and had no basis to negate it by labeling, “that’s a lie”.

“Then, how come you’re here now? At least tell me this much.”

As I said so, Azami’s body flinched with a start, and she responded with a feeble voice, “My body and mind perished back when I lost every one of my ‘abilities’. My current self who is borrowing this child’s flesh and talking to you is nothing but a ‘recollection’.”

“‘Recollection’...?”

“Correct. From the other world, I shot into my granddaughter’s head a ‘reminiscent’ of the time when I was alive. It would have been better if I had managed to do it faster, but...” saying that, Azami pointed her – or it was probably more accurate to say “Mary’s” – fingertips to her temple. “...as long as this child did not use the power she holds of ruling ‘Kagerou Daze’... the ‘Combining’, I could not come out of ‘Kagerou Daze’ to intervene on this side.”

She had shot a “reminiscent” into Mary’s head?

Without a doubt, everyone was composed of “memories”. If someone were raised since babyhood in an English-speaking country, they would be capable to speak English, and those raised in jungles were probably allowed to keep even wild animals as pets. That was the so-called individuality, the prime of life experience.

In summary, what was burning within Mary’s head at the moment were the life recordings of “Azami”? If that were true, then the fact Mary was talking like Azami was indeed convincing... but even so, there was one more thing that had me stuck.

“Kagerou Daze”.

Right, Mary definitely shouted that name earlier.

Most likely, during the instant that thing had appeared and swallowed Shintarou-kun and Kido, the “memory” of Azami had leaped into our world as if passing through the wrong gate by mistake.

Still, no matter how one looks at it, it’s a weird story.

Azami said that Mary had the power to rule “Kagerou Daze”, but I had never heard it from Mary herself. It was thinkable that she would hide it, but it was more natural to conclude she didn’t know about it. Would Mary have been able to call for “Kagerou Daze” so conveniently, as if completely aware that she was a “medusa”?

As I was losing control of my thoughts, Azami suddenly lowered her brows and whispered, “It was thanks to Tsubomi.”

My eyes unwittingly went wide-open at the name that had abruptly come out of Azami’s mouth.

Acting like she hadn’t noticed it, Azami gradually continued speaking, “In the past, back when Tsubomi went to that world, I entrusted her with a message. As in, should she meet my granddaughter in the outside world one day, I had wanted Tsubomi to tell her how to summon ‘Kagerou Daze’. The ‘Concealing’ that lay within Tsubomi brings about my granddaughter’s ‘Combining’. I did think they would eventually meet and she would tell her about it...” Azami’s voice shook lightly midsentence. And then, with a facial expression that seemed too humane for her to be called a “medusa”, Azami went on, as if squeezing the words out, “How faint-hearted... She took my absurd wish into consideration. What a good fellow she was. Regardless... I did not make it in time. There is nothing more excruciating than this.”

Azami’s tears traveled down the scales that had emerged from Mary’s cheeks. As tiny sobs leaked out of Azami, I couldn’t manage to listen to the matter beyond that point.

Frankly, there were many parts in Azami’s story that would make one scratch their neck in doubt. Why hadn’t Kido talked about “Kagerou Daze” until now? And how had she been able to convey it to Mary upon having come here? I couldn’t lie about my desire to find that out, but I hadn’t the slightest idea if pryingly asking about it would be of any use. It would not change what had happened. Getting to learn about the meaning behind it all would only serve as consolation for my lack of strength. Only, I had been able to confirm just one thing after witnessing Azami’s tears.

By the looks of it, it seems I was saved by Kido.

“Haah...” I sighed, covering my face with both arms. My emotions, which had lost their place to go, incessantly stirred within my mind.

Why? How? What should I do...?

However, fortunately or not, those thoughts that surfaced and disappeared led me to exhaustion, not turning into words or making their way out of my throat.

“Were you close to Tsubomi?” As Azami inquired, I could somewhat feel the depth of her thoughtfulness in her manner of speech.

Is she being considerate of me?

Come to think of it, she had asked a similar question earlier. As in, if I was Mary’s family.

It wasn’t like I was trying to make up for not having answered that one, but I responded without missing a beat, “Yeah... that’s right. Ever since we were kids, we had always been together. She was obstinate, awkward, and... I liked her, very much.”

If I could say so myself, thought I had given a pretty blunt reply. Nevertheless, answering with non-sugarcoated words was my intention.

Upon hearing it, Azami retorted with a curt “is that so” and started sniffling. As I found that bewildering and rose my head, I saw Azami shedding large tears in an even bigger quantity than just now, her body quivering.

“Y-You must be disheartened. Being separated from someone who you had stuck with for a long time is as agonizing as setting your body on fire. Uuh... eeh... I am at loss for what to say in return...”

Aah. This person... is such a human, huh.

Rare were the people whom would sympathize so much with those they had just met. In reality, she was someone utterly unfitting of the word “medusa”.

Her snake eyes, welling with big teardrops, bore the color of pain – the same one as the blood flowing within us. It was a sinister hue, which had continuously caused trouble. Of course, it was not as if I were about to blindly believe in Azami’s story. Yet, a small but huge fact stood ahead of that. We knew the emptiness of being labeled as “monsters” and detested. There was no way we could hate someone who had that eye color.

If it were Kido, she’d probably say so. I’ll use this as guide.

“There’s... no helping it anymore. Kido did her best for our sake. It’s lonesome that she’s gone, but we can’t just keep on crying after she sacrificed herself for us to live.” I asserted, getting up.

Those words were half-true. But the other half was a lie. For the time being, before said lie thawed away, I could not afford to waver.

“Thanks for telling me all this, Azami-san. So, what should we do now?”

“There is no need for the ‘san’. It’s ‘Azami’ for you.” Azami said in discontentment after a pronounced hiccup while drying her tears.

“Aah, erm... Is that... something important?”

“Obviously. It is the precious name I was... bestowed with in the past.”

I see. Indeed, it’s of great significance.

“Got it.” I replied curtly to Azami, who was human-like in every aspect, turning back towards the direction of “Clearing”, who remained inside Konoha-kun.

Not having changed at all from earlier, the figure of “Clearing” as he stood in place, combined with his expression, was the image of anomaly itself. There was no light in his blank pair of eyes, and not a single sign of emotion could be felt in them.

That was the situation until the current point, and from the perspective of an outsider, it probably looked like everything was settled. Alas, things were no good. At the very least, for as long as Konoha-kun’s body was being possessed, we could not leave him alone.

Besides, we didn’t know when he would start moving and attack us again.

That’s precisely why we need a simple way to deal with “Clearing”, who has stayed unchanged since not long ago, but...

While I was lost in thoughts of possibilities, Azami slowly opened her mouth, “I concluded that the power of my granddaughter had a few-minutes limit. So I used... Tsubomi’s power of ‘Concealing’.”

At the words “I used Tsubomi’s power”, my chest throbbed piercingly. No matter how much I comprehended the truth, in the end, it really wasn’t a reality I could readily accept.

Perhaps because I didn’t react, Azami peeked at my face. I panicked to regain my will, and then proceeded to contemplate Azami’s words. What did she mean by saying she had used the “Concealing”? Kido’s “ability” was supposed to be the power of dimming people’s perception endlessly.

“Erm... it doesn’t look like our forms have become fainter... How did you use it?”

“‘Forms’? Aah, making oneself fade is but one of its uses. Well, it is a simple story.” As Azami spoke, she pointed at “Clearing”, spinning her finger in midair as though to circle his surroundings. “I erased ‘all of his senses concerning anything from this world’. He can no longer perceive sounds, light or even his own actions. It is something akin to being trapped in a world of nothingness. He most likely does not know how to move that body anymore.”

The muscles around my spine unwittingly shuddered at that way of speaking, which bore iciness. Not a single trace of the thoughtfulness of just now remained in Azami’s expression as she lorded over “Clearing”.

Erasing all of the opponent’s senses was aberrant at best. It was not a matter of being good at using an “ability”. Once again, I was able to feel that she who stood in front of me was a genuine “medusa”.

“However, it is merely for buying time. It does not last too long.” Saying so, Azami walked to the direction of “Clearing”.

Panicking, I followed her.

Standing before him, Azami surveyed him seriously, letting out a deep sigh. “As expected, his body is rearranging itself little by little... He is most likely using the ‘Awakening’ and beginning to create a body that my power will not befall onto. He had already had thorough knowledge of my powers from the very start, so this is only the obvious...”

“In short, this means...?” as I asked, the corners of Azami’s lips twitched, mingling with cold sweat.

“It means that, in just a bit more, on top of ‘getting his hands on a body that will not be affected by this trick ever again’, he will also be able to move.”

Immediately, the memory of being grabbed by the throat came back to be vividly. At Konoha-kun’s cruel smile, which was drastically different from his usual soft expression, my body trembled and it felt as if I would go insane.

“T... This is bad! We’re already no match for him as it is... What do we do about that!?”

“Wa-Wa-Wait! Calm down! I had anticipated to some extent that something like this would happen! It is not as if I were just idly spending a long time in that world. Evidently, I have properly thought out a countermeasure plan.” After waving off my overawed behavior with a shaking hand, Azami crossed her arms and huffed sharply through her nose.

I see. Now that I think about it, this is how it is, huh? For starters, “Clearing” himself was a part of Azami’s “abilities”.

Even without setting up a surprise attack or traps, there was no mistaking that Azami, who had her “medusa” powers, was in a position of absolute advantage. Despite that, I had had an outburst just from hearing a remotely scary story, and ended up doing something generally embarrassing. Azami also seemed to have a lot of confidence, so I should leave things to her and watch over it.

While I tried creating expectations, Azami uttered a “well, just look” and projected her two arms towards “Clearing”, quietly closing her eyes. “No matter how much intelligence it acquires, or how it manages to get its hands on a relentless body, this fellow is nothing but one of the ‘abilities’ under the control of ‘Combining’. I will drag it out and force it into submission...!” Still with her eyes closed, Azami began groaning out an “uhn, uhn”. As if she were devoid of a heart, she gave off the impression that a somewhat somber aura had started wafting about her surroundings as well.

Aah, so the time for our long fight to end has finally come? I lost my family, lost my friends, and truly a lot of things happened.

Even if it was over, what was gone would not return. However, the things Shintarou-kun, Kido and Nee-chan were trying to protect had not fallen into enemy hands. Just from that reality remaining, my current self thought of it as salvation.

I also had to express my gratitude to Azami. Had Azami not come, right now, we would be...

“Huh?”

Just now, it felt like Azami said something ominous, but was it my imagination? I’m certain that I heard her say something like “huh?”, though...

As I looked at her, Azami was squeezing her lids shut against the area between her eyes and her cheeks, seeming to be exerting a fair amount of strength, so although she had talked about dragging “Clearing” out, from her state, it seemed to be a considerably difficult task.

Do your best, Azami. This isn’t about winning or losing, but anyhow, don’t give in.

Azami continued groaning with an “uhn, uhn”.

No, is this really okay? You kinda started saying “huuhuu”, so are you okay, Azami? Hold up, you just looked at Konoha-kun’s face for a moment and made an expression like “eh, he has still not come out?”, so is everything okay, Azami? You had said stuff such as “It’s not like I was just idly spending a long time in that world” earlier. Wai—Why do you seem like you’re about to cry? Put in some effort, Azami, really...

“I... I can’t anymore.” As Azami turned towards me with a pale face, not a single fragment of her dignity as a “medusa” remained in her. And, probably, my own face was painted in a similar shade.

The room that was nothing but gloomy became enveloped in a stagnant silence... which was broken.

“No, eeeeeh!? Wait a minute, you were super full of confidence just now, right!? You said something like ‘this fellow is nothing but one of the “abilities”’, didn’t you!? What was that, then!?”

“S-S-S-S-S-Shut up!! As if I know!! I desperately did what I could!! I don’t get why, but it’s not listening to what I say at all, so this... kinda didn’t work.”

“‘Kinda didn’t work’!? Gimme a break; I was so looking forward to it!! What do we do about this?!! Hey!!”

“Wha—!? I did my best, so you do not have to put it that way, right?!! If you have any complaints, you do it!! You!!”

“Haah!? There’s no way I can, is there!? Why did you even come here? Maaaaaaan!!”

As we argued fruitlessly, there was a flashy “bang” out of the blue and the door of the laboratory flung open.

“Uwaaaaaaaaaah!”

I unwittingly jumped up and down at the sudden, explosive sound that had come from an unimaginable direction. And so did Azami. She actually hopped higher than I did.

“Everyone, are you okay!? Are things going all right!? Eh, wait... Huh, Mary-chan, did you go through an image change?”

Gasping for air, the one who had appeared was Kisaragi-chan. She stared at Mary, who was being possessed by Azami, and tilted her neck with a flabbergasted expression.

Asking the friend in front of her, who had scales poking out of her cheeks, if she had gone through an “image change” was disconcerting. Since that was the first thing that had come out of her mouth as she plunged into such a situation, it felt very Kisaragi-chan-like. However, if Kisaragi-chan had come, that guy must have come as well. As I directed my gaze towards the wide-open door, I saw a tall shadow coming in staggeringly.

“Wai... Y-You went too far ahead, Kisaragi-san... Haa... Hii...” Seto, who showed up with shoulders heaving as he breathed raggedly, spoke almost like panting, hands resting on his hips as if he were a marathon athlete that had just finished a race.

Kisaragi-chan had been arranged to regroup with us after the “distraction strategy” was completed. Meaning it had roughly gone as planned and she had come all the way here?

Seto’s mission, simply put, was to be Kisaragi-chan’s bodyguard. He had to check whether there weren’t any unusual voices in the surroundings that could be thought of as belonging to enemy reinforcements, so that encounters with opposing forces could be avoided – in other words, his role was of being a “sonar”. I had at first believed Seto wouldn’t be too happy about having to use his “ability” so recurrently, but in actuality, Seto had responded with a reliable “leave it to me”, which had left me a little surprised.

Well, looking at his state and that exhausted breathing, it seems he was monopolized a lot, though.

“Aah, Seto-san. Sorry for having dashed ahead. How should I put it? Unexpectedly, Seto-san, your legs are slow...” Kisaragi-chan appeared guilty as she said so and bowed her head, but, well, her choice of words was kinda the worst.

“I’m sorry...” after Seto laughed weakly, a shadow cast upon his facial expression. Although he was physically fit, he was a relatively lethargic runner.

Nevertheless, for her to leave her bodyguard behind and rush off, Kisaragi-chan was really something else. Well, Kisaragi-chan’s “ability” was also quite powerful, so an enemy or two were no match for her if she used it seriously.

“Then, Kano-san, erm... what’s this situation?” Kisaragi-chan restlessly scanned the area and once again tilted her neck.

She had probably realized that Shintarou-kun and Kido were gone. As I presumed that, it felt like cold water had been poured onto my stomach. Kisaragi-chan would come to know afterwards about that feeling of anguish I had tasted.

While I found myself unable to answer Kisaragi-chan’s urging, Azami suddenly pulled the hem of my hoodie. “Hey, Brat. Is she a comrade?”

There was a short distance between Kisaragi-chan and the spot that the two of us stood at. Being careful as to not let my voice reach Kisaragi-chan, I rapid-fire whispered into Azami’s ear, “That’s right. She’s one of our members. The little sister of the guy that got gulped down by ‘Kagerou Daze’ a while ago.”

Hearing that, Azami let out a “uuh”. She was the kind of person who had empathized so much with my feelings after hearing my confession earlier, after all. Just from me saying that much, she could probably more or less guess the reason why I was wavering to give Kisaragi-chan a reply.

Regardless, the situation was what it was. I could not keep our swallowed comrades or what had happened to Konoha-kun as a secret from the two. Should “Clearing” start going rampant again, it would definitely be a “game over”. All of us present would be turned into indescribable lumps of flesh in the blink of an eye. That was the one thing we had to avoid no matter what.

Still, how should I tell them? What should I do if I convey it underhandedly and they end up completely losing their fighting spirit? Rather than just that, what if they even give up on running away?

However, disregarding my hesitation, Azami suddenly opened her mouth, “Your older brother was... engulfed by ‘Kagerou Daze’. So was Tsubomi. They struggled bravely, and then died.”

At the unpreceded utterance, my heart rate rose with a start.

“I-Idiot...!”

There’s a thing called ‘way with words’.

I was going to throw in that sentence, but subdued by Azami’s resolute posture, my mouth stayed shut.

With her expression stiffening, Kisaragi-chan let out “eh”s and “ah”s that didn’t turn into words. Seto also had a similar attitude of unrest, and just when I wondered if he was shaking in fear, his strength immediately drained away, his eyes lowering. Unable to handle their reactions, which were pitiful even, I closed my eyes.

She ended up saying it. She conveyed a helpless reality in a helpless way. How much time would it take for those two to face said reality? No, even if they did manage to face it, would they be able to bear it?

However, contrary to such worries of mine, the silence didn’t remain for long.

“Is... that so? I see, I see.” Kisaragi-chan’s words, which she had wringed out little by little, sounded like she was pushing back and killing off something that was about to overflow.

As if to surmise those words, Azami replied, “I understand your unsettled feelings. Still, rotting away here would make their sacrifice a waste. We have not yet solved a single matter, but...”

And, before Azami could finish speaking, a voice overlapped with hers, “I get it. Is there... anything I can do?”

I raised my head without thinking. Before my line of sight, I couldn’t spot a single drop of hesitation in Kisaragi-chan’s expression. My senses, which had become dull, steadily cleared up as though my head had been exposed to sunlight.

Just from memory, I recall having seen that face twice until now. The first was during that day I could never forget, when my older sister had solidified her resolve on the rooftop at evening. And the second was when no one other than that girl’s older brother had borne such expression while standing as our lead.

Kisaragi-chan was attempting to take over her brother’s will. Perhaps struck by that, Seto had seemed to become a little tearful, but responded with a mute nod.

Following each of the two respectively with her eyes, Azami looked at my face as if wanting to ask “what do we do?”.

We’re truly crazy.

Even though we were tormented for no reason and despair was thrust at us countless times, no one would individually “give up”.

By the looks of it, the determination of our members is firmer than I thought. Seriously, it gets to the point of making me want to show it to the Leader.

Suddenly, the “ultimate goal” of the current plan that Shintarou-kun had pieced together crossed my mind. It was something like a terribly childish motto, but Shintarou-kun had an extremely serious expression on when saying it, so it had wound up being funny and everyone laughed.

Still, everyone understands just fine. This is something worth betting our downtrodden lives on and reaching our hands out to. I mean, we...

“Really, I can’t compare to him.”

One way or another, it indeed had to be him, I thought with a bitter smile.

Anyhow, the purpose confirming was over. However, there was one more thing I had to do before discussing the matters from henceforth.

Sucking in a short breath, I suggested to the “medusa” standing beside me, “Anyway, shouldn’t we start with your self-introduction?”

The person in question, who had talked with her severe manner of speech using Mary’s babyish face, displayed confusion with a, “What do you mean?”

From the corners of my field of vision, I could see the figures of the other two nod in agreement while saying, “I was just wondering when we would tackle this topic.”

Well, with her character being so different, it was impossible that the words “image change” would apply.

The atmosphere inside the laboratory, filled with a strong smell of chemicals, was as tense as ever. Illuminated by a light from liquid crystal displays laid out wherever eyes could reach, so exceedingly bright that it could even be considered prejudicial, each of us gathered up and racked our brains.

Whether or not Azami’s tottering self-introduction had been rightly conveyed to the two was left aside, and, as we progressed with a general information sharing, the situation was as unfavorable as previously. According to Azami, the move to restrain “Clearing” and render him incapacitated was apparently a desperate one, but in her current condition, even as she tried thinking of a different method, no counter-proposals whatsoever came to her.

I couldn’t find any type of clock in the room, but that only stirred up the feeling of unease even more. Our minds were blinkingly clad in the inevitable time limit that was drawing close.

Amidst that, I threw at Azami a basic question that abruptly surfaced within me, “Speaking of which, for starters, the ‘eye abilities’ initially belonged to Azami, right? And it looks like you were super well-versed in using the ‘Concealing’... so why is it that you can’t control only ‘Clearing’ however you want?”

As I did so, Azami shrugged as if to say, “this is why I can’t deal with amateurs”. I wondered why it made me want to poke her so much.

“In your case, you eat when you are hungry, and sleep when you are drowsy, right? Just like you don’t have to go as far as using a theoretical reasoning for doing these things, each ‘ability’ has its own ‘cravings’ of preference.” saying so, Azami pointed sharply at Kisaragi-chan’s chest.

Kisaragi-chan let herself be prodded without particularly dodging it, but I didn’t fail to notice Seto evading his eyes from the sight.

This is an emergency, Brother.

“For example, the ‘Snatching’ that you possess has the yearning of ‘being perceived by others’ as its favorite staple food. Each has a different taste, but the ‘abilities’ are able to continue existing through sustaining these cravings. And so, they awfully despise being deprived of wishes.”

Now that she mentioned it, I had the feeling someone asked me something similar back when I had earned my “ability”. Azami had made a comparison with psychological urges, so an image of famine naturally surfaced in my mind. I had once heard that snakes were vindictive, so there might be a reason why those “abilities” that fed off desires had their forms represented by them.

“However, it is not as if they can endure just devouring wishes. Humans make use of ‘reason’ for their ‘whims’, right? Regarding the ‘abilities’, what bears this role is the ‘Combining’.” Azami then nimbly spun the finger that had been nudging Kisaragi-chan’s chest beside her own temple. She indicated as if to say “this is it”.

“I-I see.” Kisaragi-chan successively nodded, with an aspect of someone who hadn’t understood much.

“Most ‘abilities’ submit to the ‘Combining’ as dialogue is useless against it. By intertwining and gathering the ‘abilities’, even a different world such as ‘Kagerou Daze’ can be created. Still, the fact that ‘Clearing’ does not surrender to this probably means he is pursuing a desire that can be a stronger priority than the orders of ‘Combining’. I do not know what it is, but for as long as he is in a state where I cannot control him, there is nothing I can do.” Saying that much, Azami let her head drop with an attitude of dejection. Even though she had been the one to give birth to omnipotent “abilities”, the fact that she herself was not very competent was a serious problem.

No, wrong. Maybe we should conclude it’s exactly because she’s like this that she gave birth to the “abilities”.

Most likely, the “abilities” had been born in order to grant the “various longings” of the helpless Azami herself. And, as a result of whatever conditions “Kagerou Daze” had been created in, they had been transferred to us, who had “wishes” similar to those of Azami in the past. Going by that theory, it would mean the “snakes” had become interested in each of the members’ “dilemma of some sort”.

So if the preference of Kisaragi-chan’s “Snatching” was a “need for acknowledgement”, the desire that Seto’s “Stealing” reacted to was “wanting to know the feelings of others”?

The “Ten Abilities” would eat those cravings and realize them, thus attempting to continue existing. The power of “Concealing” that Azami, who bears the “Combining” – which couldn’t be used unless to restrict the respective seeds within us –, had used on “Clearing”, as though opposing to this world’s reason itself, was something heterogeneous and absolute. If that was the real force of the “abilities”, they were already not in the proportion to be described with the word “abnormality”.

Would that mean they could manage to do stuff like using the “Concealing”, for example, to “render someone unable to cognize anything and everything from this world”? Or using the “Deceiving” to “make someone cognize all kinds of things from this world as something completely different”? Moreover, what if the target of their effect were not a “person”... but, for instance, the “world”, and they could be used on it? The “world” would lose its “reality” to the “abilities”, and a “fantasy” would replace said “reality” through the “abilities”. In turn, wouldn’t that enable just the “Ten Abilities” to do as they pleased with the “world”, which would have mistaken “fantasy” for “reality”?

It was a story extraordinary enough to make people burst out laughing even if it were written down just on the corner of a notebook, but thinking in such a way, it could be concluded that our “abilities” and “Kagerou Daze” were connected by a single thread. If those “abilities” had the strength to rewrite even the world’s rules, it could be also agreed that “Clearing” had designed a scenario to overwhelm us, continuously aiming for our “abilities” and Mary’s “Combining”.

That’s right. The words I had heard from “Clearing” in the past on the rooftop... as long as he had our “abilities”, those words would “come true”. Just... for what purpose? This is the only thing I don’t yet understand, but he was doubtlessly attempting to use that power to make it happen. As in trying to use the power of “medusa” for his scheme of rewinding “everything in this world” and returning it to zero.

Upon having come to that place, the worst-case scenario I had vaguely envisioned started to hint a sense of reality to a ruthless extent. I knew that a feeling of desperation that had begun to rise was violating my head, which wasn’t coming up with any decent ideas.

Regardless of our fretting, no alternatives to get rid of this anguish come to us. As expected, will we meet our end here? No matter how much we think about it, there’s no plan to overcome this wild situation...

“Wild”... “wild”...

Wait a minute. Just now, whose name had been surfacing in my mind again?

“Ah... A...” My voice was shrill, as if perfectly embodying the “despair” that was subtle and faint but nevertheless coiled around my awareness. It easily penetrated my cranium from my eardrums, and brandished the word “death” into my brain, which had been trying to cling onto a tiny bit of hope.

Spurred by our survival instincts, three of us, including me, took a distance from him as if he had jumped up on us.

In contrast, Azami shortened the distance between him and herself, stretching out her delicate arms as she stood in front of him. “Run!! Don’t think of anything and flee!!”

The tips of my toes unwittingly turned towards the room’s exit at the voice that had come out of Mary’s throat, which was heavy with potency to an unthinkable degree. However, unfortunately, my head wasn’t led by enough narcissism for it to prioritize my body’s critical situation. The other two people left seemed to have the same intention, so none of us obeyed as we stood still on the spot.

“Wha-What are you doing!? Hurry...”

“I really wanna do that, but I was lectured by our Leader, who told me to keep it up until the end. Besides, we’ll be killed anyhow even if we run, won’t we?”

The reason why such blunt language had kicked in was probably that my mind was numb. My frame was already trembling all over, but it seemed my mouth still listened to my will.

“That’s right, Mary... no, Azami-chan. There’s no way we’d leave you behind. Trying to fight on your own... you’re showing off too much.”

Using “chan” to refer to the worldwide infamous “medusa”... dear me, this girl is a legend by now.

It appeared Azami wound up at a loss for words regarding us, but eventually, with a manner of talking that seemed to denote acceptance, she spat out, “You bunch of fools.”

Just as she had said, “bunch of fools” was a suitable term for us, who couldn’t do anything despite what we had declared, as it reduced us to nothing but her weak points.

Before our eyes, scattering about an overflowing ominousness and discolored into black for a long time now, Konoha-kun’s body slowly started moving. However, even then, we didn’t feel any sign of only his eyes, which remained blank, facing our direction. By the looks of it, his spirit was still adrift in a world of darkness. Nevertheless, it likely wouldn’t take much for him to regain his former agile nature and come leaping onto us. There was no more time to plan any strategies. However, during that span, one thing alone had crossed my mind. There was no mistaking that it was the reasoning of a novice, but since we had no other plans, it was something worth asking about. The identity of the hope that had crossed my mind a while before had been ironically driven by that guy’s half-revival and surfaced clearly in my head.

“Hey, Azami. Can’t you call for ‘Kagerou Daze’?”

As Azami turned around at my inquiry, her crimson eyes, which looked like pomegranates that had ripened and fallen off a tree, affixed on me.

Those eyes... the “Combining” had definitely summoned “Kagerou Daze” earlier. If we could make that world consume him, even though it might not get to the point of settling everything, it supposedly can put this place under control.

Obviously, there was also the boundlessly callous fact that “Konoha-kun’s body would get thrown into that world”. Still, since Konoha-kun was being possessed, “it was not as if he were dead”.

In the past, we received our lives in exchange of getting the “abilities” and came back from “Kagerou Daze”. Since Konoha-kun is alive to begin with, isn’t there also logic in him returning to this world?

Were all of us going to conformably be tortured to death by the one in possession of our friend’s consciousness and face an unsightly “bad end”? Or should we extent the game and get our hands on some time to piece together a proposal? At the very least, by no means did I think that the “future” entrusted to us by our ingested comrades lay in the former.

“You... Since when have you been aware of this?” as Azami asked so, the end of the sentence was mixed with a fickle shade of dismay. It wasn’t a “I hadn’t thought of that alternative!” or a “Deliberately letting a comrade be swallowed isn’t an option!” kind of question.

It was a constrained nuance, as if she meant to say, “I hadn’t wanted you to notice it”.

Sniffling that sense of discomfort, I replied frankly, “Just now. If we manage to have ‘Kagerou Daze’ gulp him down, at the very least, we can avoid losing more people. Of course, I also want to hear whether or not we can rescue Konoha-kun afterwards.”

“Indeed, by using the ‘Combining’, the entrance to ‘Kagerou Daze’ can be opened. However... it can only be opened.”

As I had thought, it wasn’t like she had been surprised at my idea, and it didn’t seem to be something completely impossible.

While letting the color of apprehension that had peeked from her words just now show in her facial expression, Azami added, “‘Kagerou Daze’ only swallows those in the verge of death. In order for ‘Kagerou Daze’ to consume someone who has already long overcome death, its nature would have to be changed. Still...” Trailing off, Azami strengthened her tone as though in resignation and went on, “Just the power of ‘Combining’ cannot rewrite the disposition of ‘Kagerou Daze’. At the very least, it would be necessary to have half of the “abilities”... those “abilities” that are replacing your lives, reside in this body.”

“Our... lives...”

Inside my head, I lined up the snakes. Mary’s “Combining”. Kisaragi-chan’s “Snatching”. My “Deceiving”. Seto’s “Stealing”. And Kido’s “Concealing”, which had now become a part of Mary.

Having carefreely counted the “number of lives” present, I realized that they were exactly half of ten.

“I tried that out already... immediately after restraining him, while you were unconscious... The powers of ‘Combining’ and ‘Concealing’ alone can only do so much as open the mouth of ‘Kagerou Daze’. But I... had not wanted to tell you this. None of you hesitates or runs away. If I had talked about it, you would...” as she spoke, Azami’s eyes became wet as if she were a child.

With her in such a state, I couldn’t find a single vestige of why she was branded as a “monster” or feared as a “medusa”. I had felt that ever since encountering her, but no matter what, that person’s character had too much empathy. Although it was about people other than herself, she accepted things as they were, and shed tears just like that. Despite most humans not behaving that way, the fact she did was a laughable story.

Aah, seriously. Even though my life is so outrageous, I’ve met a lot of good people.

Kisaragi-chan walked up to Azami, lowered her hips as if to match the latter’s height and embraced her. “Thanks for worrying. But if it’s to you, I can entrust myself. After all, you’re my best friend’s family.”

“U... eh...” without replying, Azami let out deplorable sobs. She wasn’t reliable at all looking like that, but I was also completely adept to Kisaragi-chan’s speech about entrusting our lives.

That was pretty much it, I thought while glancing at Seto, and as he seemed to say “isn’t that obvious?”, I returned with a sour smile.

I really went through a lot with this guy too.

Even that irritating “monsters’ room” was now nostalgic. Those days in which we sat face-to-face on that bunk bed, pondered if there wasn’t “happiness” somewhere, cried and laughed, almost felt like they had happened just yesterday when I tried thinking back on them.

Honestly, it’s great that there wasn’t time to chat about our memories over the night. Had anyone started talking, I’d end up looking forward to the continuation.

And it arrived in abrupt ruthlessness.

“GUGAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!” broadly raising his body, “Clearing” let out a beastly roar. His dull yellow orbs scanned the room in circles, and, turning toward our direction, their movements stopped entirely. “Too bad, shitty brats.”

His voice stuck to the eardrums and hit a nerve, similar to a snake poking out its tongue. In that tone, no more traces of our former friend could be found. At his fierce shadow and clear murderous intent, my whole body shook as if it were malfunctioning. Like an incarnation of despair himself, “Clearing” languidly let both his arms drop, his ferocious gaze creeping around the air. As it aligned to Azami, the corners of his mouth rose flabbily, and then...

...one step.

His jet-black right foot swung down to the ground with an abnormal leg strength. A deafening explosion noise roared, and the metal floor tiles that flew off pierced cuttingly into the displays on the wall. Converting the momentum into propulsion power, “Clearing” launched his body forward, transforming it into a pitch-black bullet as it approached Azami. It was an overwhelming use of violence in a time span that wasn’t enough to let out a single word.

Kisaragi-chan, who had received that anguishing attack directly from the front, instantly threw Azami, who she had been hugging, straight to the opposite side. As she glided mid-air, Azami’s pair of scarlet orbs could not be more wide-open.

No signs of the “ability” could be felt in the figure of the girl that made her “future”, her body into a shield to protect her. Even so, her resolve – her soul – was brandished into my eyes.

A thunderous rumble had erased Azami’s scream. With the jet-black shadow closing in on her, Kisaragi-chan had smiled back as if inconvenienced. And then, she had said, “I’m counting on you”, but lastly, her body had been blown away as though she were a rubber doll, hitting the wall and floor, creating on them a sea of bright red blood.

None of us could let out a single yelp at the exceedingly one-sided tragedy.

And so, as if saying “now is your turn”, the eyes of “Clearing” seized “Mary’s form”. Moving his body before Mary in a flash, he grabbed her neck and easily lifted her. At Mary’s aspect of awful dread, “Clearing” showed an expression of ecstasy.

“Stop... plea...”

Without so much as waiting for her to finish, “Clearing” grabbed Mary’s right arm and, in a twisting flair, he tore it apart with a snap.

“AAAaAah!!”

He observed her as though satisfied, with a smile that seemed to say he could make her shriek from acute pain. ���Did you think I wouldn’t kill you? Ahahahahahahaha!!”

Along with that coarse laughter echoing through the room, my vision started to blacken.

His right fist, which had been delivering final blows, gouged out the side of Mary’s stomach. As extremely loud liquid sounds scattered about, blood flowed down the ground like a waterfall.

Aah, it’s over. It’s all over.

By the looks of it, it seemed I wouldn’t be able to see the continuation of the world I had once dreamed with.

Aah, how frustrating. A little bit more and it seemed like I’d be able to get there. If I had a next time, I think I’d be able to do better, but no way that’d happen, right? This isn’t a manga. But well, lastly, just one more thing. Wasn’t I able to bring flowers to my useless life? I think I was.

The surprised face of “Clearing” made me happy, and “I who had been set free from Mary’ appearance due to the pain” couldn’t keep the corners of my lips from arching up. I didn’t feel any ache from my arm or the sides of my stomach anymore. As it was the second time that happened to me, I somewhat knew what it meant.

Within my hazy consciousness, I saw the “real Azami”, who had been using the “Concealing”, reveal herself. From behind the scenes, accompanied by five white snakes, she bore an expression of indignation.

Ah, I see. My “ability” already went to Azami too. One way or another, it’s indeed lonely that it left.

If anything, I was glad that I had been able to fight alongside Kido’s “Concealing” at the very last, to the point I thought I had done a little too much.

Before I realized it, I had been dumped onto the ground. Moreover, the angle I had landed on was bad, so my eyes wound up looking at the desperate face “Clearing” had on.

Don’t make that expression with my friend’s face, was the feeling I got.

“Kagerou Daze” opened its mouth. I quietly closed my eyes with my vision blacked-out. Finally, within the darkness, the vibration noises of my phone reached my ears.

Aah, I get it. That girl was here too. If so, I understand, this is how it is. How very thoughtful, honestly.

And so, it was over for me.

Right before my end, just for a moment, I had a feeling I heard the voice of that girl I was so fond of. I unwittingly turned around at the tone that sounded angry. The fact no one was there, more than anything, was very much like her.

[pkmnsdarkqueen]

Karen’s Bar

I’ve mentioned it before, but have never given details to it. Here’s probably way more info than you ever wanted to know, so the first paragraph is the simple basics.

1. While it’s technically her’s she lets someone else handle the majority of it’s operation. Basically soon after becoming an elite four she became horribly restless which lead her to take down some of her old connections she knew were highly dangerous while offering a second chance to others that were dealt a cruel hand or honestly wanted help though had nowhere to turn. That’s when she had an idea to make a one stop shop for this. Going to a bigger name contact that had recently been arrested by the cops for tax evasion, and theft from his company she offered a deal. She’d cover the money to get him out of prison, let him run the bar he’d always talked about wanting to own, as long as he let her set the rules of the place, and fixed himself up. He agreed. Thus Karen was able to create a bar that was deeply tucked away in Saffron City. (she should really let Sabrina know about it one of these days) Anyways the place works great when it comes to what she set out to accomplish. Now it is slightly on the shady side since some of her contacts are still active criminals. The deal is if they bring information, do a task for her, or assist her with a case every so often (it varies on how active they are, and in what sort of crime) she will not arrest them or tip anyone off. The bar also has shifts, open during the day and evening to everyone, and then open at night for regulars only. Also no one knows about this bar except BRuno who she’s only given him the address and said to only go there is she goes missing. This is because due to the shadiness of it, she wants no one to know about it since it also does alot of good.  

Now for all the nitty gritty details! (if you read all of this bless u, and no I can’t figure out how to get the keep reading tab to work)

General occurrences:

Though usually the people that frequent the bar are minor criminals, criminals, retired ones, or ex-grunts there have been some bigger name people that show up. They usually have heard about how it works, but Karen always have a sit down conversation with them like she does with anyone new at the bar. This initial conversation is to get an idea on if she ought to send them straight to jail, which she handles outside the bar usually on a different day, or make a deal with them to have them help her with investigations. 

She has made sure her place is a NEUTRAL turf for any gangs. The second she hears about someone trying to mark it as theirs she will go straight to the person in charge to discuss with them this misunderstanding which she will demand by whatever means necessary that her rule is respected. She also comes on MUCH stronger if the leader is the one that started the claim.

If someone that is an active crimminal has come in often, and is starting to become a regular Karen has a casual chat to see if they’re an active criminal. She then asks to have a chat with them in the back room where she discusses how the system works. They’re free to be there, and continue their actions as long as they assist her in her investigations. If they don’t help then Karen kindly asks they enjoy the night, and don’t return. If she sees them again after this, she brings it up again, and will tip off police. The next action is that she arrests them herself.

Almost all of the workers are people trying to clean their act up. Part of their contract says that they can work, and even live at the bar for a set amount of time until they can find a job. Granted there are some exceptions such as a still active criminal that has gotten injured is allowed refuge at the bar until they heal, or people that need to lay low for awhile. They also usually are told to pick up a shift or aide in some way to ‘earn their keep’ in a sense. 

Children that need help are sadly not an uncommon occurrence either. Sometimes the kids come on their own, and other times they’re found by someone who frequents the place who bring them there for shelter. Even some of the more hardened criminals will bring an abused kid knowing they’ll be safe there. Usually Karen tries to find them a home on her own not wanting them to have to go through the foster care program since that can sometimes be hard. She is willing to print and create fake adoption papers, birth certificates, and passports for the children as well. Due to her connections she is able to later slip these into the official system. The goal is to get them out as fast as possible though this can take awhile. That is why they have had to implement other jobs for the kids to do. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays they work on their job which can range from washing dishes down stairs, sewing things to sell the next day, printing certificates, or whatever other wholesome tasks they can find the kids that helps their operation in some way. Tuesdays and Thursdays the kids have ‘school’ which is basically whatever the owner and his wife haven’t taught the kids already. Sometimes others, such as Karen or other workers, come in to teach other lessons. There is the usual stuff such as math, english, science, and history. Other classes are survival, street smarts, pokemon care, swimming, cooking, cleaning, music, art, and the favorite is usually battle tactics.  The most important skill is reading and writing though. Saturday and Sunday they give the kids a day off insisting only that they all at least read for two hours before going to do whatever. As far as pay they work hard to try to pay the kids like the other employees but sometimes this is hard to manage, and they have to cut back. None of the kids seem to mind usually coming from far worse situations. At most there will be 15 kids at a time most of the time, exceptions have happened. The hardest part is when they have too many, and the best choice is to go through the adoption program. After all older kids will be able to understand the need better, but have a lower chance of getting adopted. Meanwhile younger kids have a better chance of being adopted, but don’t understand what is happening. It’s a tough decision to make some times. Also children between newborn to 2 years of age are generally quickly sent to be adopted because their chances are good, and taking care of a child that young is incredibly hard considering conditions. The children are also not allowed in the bar during the late night hours until close unless working in the back to wash dishes. Even then only older kids get this job, 10 and up, just to be safe. Also once one of them reaches 16 they are expected to go get a job elsewhere that way the bar can get more people jobs. The teenager can still live at the bar, but they have to get outside income. Thankfully most of them by this time want to start their pokemon adventure which makes things easier. Yes she is also aware of the technical child labor issue which is one of the more illegal things that happen, but on the other side these kids are usually at dire spots like she once was.

At night, after closing hours it is a very cheap hotel for the homeless, this includes some of the workers as well. The outside alley way is blocked off by gates, and tarps to hide the fact that there nice tents set up. In the summers they put fans out there, and in the winter extra blankets and heaters are provided. This outside area is usually for any homeless that are a bit more dangerous such as ones that refuse to take medications. For those that are trying to get help, and workers the down stairs dance floor along with upstairs bar becomes crowded with folding cots, sleeping bags, and air mattresses that are tucked into a closet every morning. Usually for the workers they just do extra cleaning to cover this expense. 

It has also become rather common to have pregnant women staying at the bar. Most everyone can agree as a mother the thought of giving birth on the streets would be terrifying. Karen doesn’t mind sheltering wives on the run from abusive husbands, or teenagers that have been kicked out of their homes. LIke with the children Karen double checks that their story is valid, and will give them care until the birth, and for a year afterwards. By then she expects them to of found a job, and be working towards a home if they don’t have one already. (This all started because one time Karen got a call while in a battle from the emergency line, and it turned out some lady heard they were there to help with abuse. She came in after running from her husband because her water had literally just broken. The following events were chaotic to say the least.) 

With all of these people karen has become skilled in crafting fake I.D.’s and with her elite access can slip fake records documents into government databases. She also has a few people on the inside to help with this. 

Some harsh guidelines for the kind of people she doesn’t allow in: (trigger warning for crime related things, and there is alot so plz read bolded)

-(Violence mention) She doesn’t put up with violence in her own bar except the occasional arm wrestle, or to escort someone out. The only exceptions are once a month she’ll allow the down stairs dance floor to be cleared for a fight club tournament. It allows for people to get stress out, and she makes a ‘no murder rule’ very clear. She also referees to make sure that no one is seriously injured. (She isn’t a fan of this night but after enough fights were happening with fatal results on the streets between gangs she decided this would be better.)

-(Child abuse, & pedophilia mention) Pedophiles, or child abusers aren’t allowed in or near the bar. Children work there, and she will not have them hurt. This is a rule she doesn’t even have to post because much like a prison when it comes to hierarchy those that hurt children are seen as the lowest of scum. 

-(Sex workers mentioned) Pimps are also not allowed and prostitutes are not allowed to use this as a place to meet clients. This is supposed to be a safe place. The last thing Karen wants is for them to have to be under any pressure.

-Following that harassment to anyone at her bar is something that Karen will not put up with no matter gender, personal history, or occupation. If she doesn’t handle it one of the security is expected to step in. 

-(murder mention) When it comes to someone that has committed murder Karen won’t let them in until she has a sit down talk with them going into all of the details of what happened. It’s her way of determining if she can help them, or if they need professional help. Not all of these people she gets arrested and it depends on the case.

-(kidnapping mention) Most of the people that have kidnapped anyone are in a gang or mob of some kind so it’s a part of the business task. If she catches wind of it she insists to be assured the person was returned safely. If it is a predatory kidnapping where a single person is simply doing this for nefarious reasons then she often arrests them herself due to this often leading to more serial killer tendencies.

-(Weapons mention) Weapons are allowed, concealing them is the rule, and considering everyone there is usually armed no one is stupid enough to try anything a majority of the time. Those that do are usually new, and stand down when everyone in the bar draws a weapon or calls out a pokemon on them. 

The ‘Owner’

So the man that Karen got out of prison is named Takeshi Uneo. Though Karen calls him Taki-san in good natured teasing. (He prefers to be professional with people, and the traditional way of using suffixes.While -san is the proper professional suffix the nickname is not, and Karen is aware of this.)

He also messes with her though using the upmost formality when addressing her which is Mirami-sama, to annoy her. First he uses her last name which she is very unused to, and -sama which is used for polite situations or if someone outranks you socially. The -sama thing is what really gets her because she couldn’t care less about people’s social ranking, and she feels awkward about it being brought up. Which is also why she can’t bring herself to use the even more informal suffix of -kun towards him since it means of lower status.

The two have a friendly relationship though Karen has fun annoying him from time to time with small things such as kicking her feet up on the bar, going behind it to make her own drink, or other little things that just make him slightly miffed. Conversations like this are common:

Karen: *is sitting on the edge of a pool table to make a trick shot.*

Takeshi: *walks over to her, and glares.* Mirami-sama you know the rules.

Karen: I do believe I also make the rules.

Takeshi: You set the general rules in our deal, since you’ve let me make all the ones after, and behaving in such a childish way wasn’t one of the original. So off. 

Karen: Hm what an awfully rude thing for you to call your boss out on.

Takeshi: What a rude way to handle your employee.

Karen: *grins, and pats his shoulder* See this is why you’re great Taki-san, our lovely little chats. *then hops off the table as he walks away shaking his head.*

(art by FoxandMars on deviant art)

‘Ms. Wholsesome’

Takeshi’s wife, Hapin Uneo, and a very sweet lady. Like Karen has only seen her upset once, and literally everyone stopped because someone actually made her upset enough to yell. Also when she gets upset she cries so everyone felt their heart break seeing this kind old woman cry. She generally prefers to stay with the children though most of the customers enjoy it when she comes down to say hello. She actually met Takeshi after he took over the bar simply needing directions. However the two of them sort of hit it off. It turns out she was going to be an assistant at the book store nearby. After that Takeshi began taking alot more trips to buy books. Getting her adjusted to the way that the bar worked was somewhat of an adventure. She was a naive soul, so she would have conversations with other’s at the bar, and then mention it later only finding out then what was actually being talked about. The children do love her though, and know she is a kind person that they can run to when they need a hug. She only works part time at the bookstore now changing her hours depending on how many kids they are caring for at the moment. 

A usual conversation (drug mentioned):

Karen: “Good to see you Hapin, you helping tonight?”

Hapin: “Oh yes, Taki needed an extra hand. I did also have a lovely conversation with Amai today. I think he’s going to start a new work out soon.”

Karen: “Really, how’d you figure that?”

Hapin: “He was talking about getting a whole bag of bars, and after using them was going to feel great. I do hope his friend watches out for him while he works out though. That can be very dangerous to lift heavy things with no one watching.”

Karen: Has caught onto the fact that they were talking about drugs, not weights, and is trying not to chuckle. “Yeup...yeup...I’ll before to give him a call to make sure he’s being safe.”

Hapin: “Aw thank you dear, well I’m going to go do some sweeping. I’ll see you later.”

(art by rananus on deviantart)

‘Gal Pal’

Kimiko Sano, a fiery person that is older than Karen but someone acts even more childish than her. (How she does this is a real wonder of society) This girl is fierce she is tough, and the first person that Karen did her whole ‘I’m here to help you’ campaign on. They have known each other since Karen was 14, and the other was 18. Kimiko taught Karen alot when it came to manipulation, and would always come waltzing back into her life at the most random times. (prostitution mention) Kimiko was basically a high end prostitute that Karen ran into on one of her jobs. She ended up talking to the other, and they began to hit it off. When Karen tried to implement some of her manipulation it was Kimiko who stepped in to tell her how to do it ‘properly’. Of course Kimi understood Karen’s limits too, and was able to show her how to get people to do what you want without going all the way. She even admitted most of her job was the build up having to capture someone’s mind before anything else could happen. However she also admitted to Karen that she wasn’t all that proud of her job either always wanting to do something else, but ended up in a vicious debt cycle. As soon as Karen was able, and had the bar set up she marched into where Kimiko worked, and literally dragged her away saying ‘you don’t work here now’, and threw what she owed when her boss came running over. All other protesting was silenced by her pokemon who reminded everyone there Karen’s position at that point. As for that place now it has shut down with Karen giving money to others that owed a debt, and getting the ring leaders arrested. (Triggers now safe) 

The two default to high schoolers around each other, and Kimi still acts like a big sister to Karen at times. Kimiko Also has a permanent place at the bar learning all that she can to one day run the place herself. She is great with all of the kids especially able to help those that have been in situations like hers cope with any trauma. She is also a well known face at the bar working as a waitress or bartender most of the time. Her fun personality keeps the mood light hearted.

A casual conversation:

Karen: Has just thrown someone out for being too rowdy. “That was the third strike, so don’t bother coming back.”

Kimiko: “Yeah! You don’t mess with my bitch!”

Karen: Is about to shout something, but then turns to her in confusion. “What are you doing, we talked about this!”

Kimiko: “It’s just a nickname hun, you know I love you.”

Karen: “...I’m trying to intimidate them you can’t call me your bitch.”

Kimiko: “Ugh fine.” Yells again. “Sorry, don’t touch my princess!” Proceeds to quickly walk away.

Karen: “KIMI!”

(art by techgnotic on deviantart)                                                             

[cloudchaserandflitterexplain]

Gyro and Berry Dreams Explain: Points

Indeed. My win record is above 80%, which puts me amongst the top echelon of players of our fine game.

Let’s not gloat, hun.

Very well. I suppose this is neither the time nor the place. Shall we delve right into our chosen topic of discussion for the day?

Let’s! Today we’re talking about points.

Which is admittedly a rather broad subject, so let’s break that down a bit.

Our battle plan will cover four different fronts. First we’ll talk about the value of points. Then we’ll use that knowledge to establish how to optimize our scoring. Third we’ll discuss stopping the opponent from scoring points. And then we’ll wrap up with something we like to call “points on board.”

It is possible, perhaps even probable, that you are questioning why we would discuss such a base and obvious portion of the game.

Well that is because, as usual, most ponies do not grasp the full picture. There is a substantial quantity of subtlety and nuance that the average laypony simply is unable to grasp initially. But fortunately you can rely on us to educate you in what you’re missing.

That was probably a little too arrogant, hun.

I am not being arrogant, I am simply stating the facts as I observe them to be true.

What he’s trying to say is that while most ponies obviously understand that points are important and how to get then, they might misunderstand exactly how valuable they are. Which can lead to mistakes when forging your plan of attack.

It’s one of those easy to learn, difficult to master kind of things.

Perhaps for some, but my skills on the matter are top rate.

I thought you were going to stop boasting, hun.

But yes, I suppose the reason we’re talking about this is that we do understand the subject rather well.

Anyway, let’s talk about the value of points! Care to kick us off, Hun?

Certainly. Having witnessed a multitude of games as both a player and an observer, I’ve discovered that most ponies overestimate the value of points. While it is true that they are integral to the game, as you require them to be victorious, they are not as precious as one might originally believe.

Aside from the 15th one, of course. That one is priceless.

The actual value of a point is tricky to place exactly, and actually fluctuates as the game goes on.

When you’re behind, you need to be as efficient as possible in order to have a chance at catching up.

But if you’re ahead, you might be willing to spend a little more to extend your lead.

Of course, desperation due to the time limit waning or trying to recover from a bad board position might change the value even further… but ideally that doesn’t apply to you much.

Aptly summarized, my dear, and a fact that I’d wager many are not aware of.

However if I were to place a precise value on a point, I would say it is worth roughly one and three quarters AT at most stages of the game. Or if you prefer, slightly less than two AT.

Where did you get that number?

Observation, my dear, observation.

I have noted that paying 2 AT per point acquired feels overpriced. On the other hoof, paying only 1 per point is a miraculous steal. Thus the value should fall somewhere between the two.

And as 2 AT feels closer to the value of a single point than just 1 AT, I decided a reasonable estimation would be one and three quarters. Though I admit I may be off an iota or three.

I suppose it does feel about right. 2 is definitely more than I’d want to pay, but only a little.

You see? It may not be a perfect value, but it is a good enough estimate to base the remainder of our advice on.

So now that we know about how much AT a point is worth, it’s time to use this knowledge to give us the advantage in battle. But how?

Simple! It allows us to figure out if spending AT on points is a good investment or not right now.

A simple calculation can do wonders for guaranteeing you’re making the right play.

If you’re spending 2 or more AT per point you’re getting, it’s probably not a great deal and there may be better lines of play...

But if you’re spending less? It’s worth at least considering since you’re getting a good rate of return on your investment!

I would think an example would help illustrate the point nicely. Let us say that for some reason you are not playing a combo deck and—

Most ponies don’t play combo, hun.

Well, it’s hardly my fault that so many ponies don’t acknowledge the glory and majesty that is a well built—

I’m just saying be a little less condescending, kay?

My apologies. I suppose I did get a little carried away.

A little bit, sure.

Now as I was saying, you are playing an aggro deck with a boosted Princess Luna: Dream Warrior as your Mane at home. Each problem is just 5 wild for you to confront and you have a pair of Princess Cadance: Best Foal Sitters in hand. Bonus value for each problem is 1, lets say.

So you could just play one Cadance to a problem, moving Luna for free, and confronting for one point. But since Cadance costs 2, that’s not an especially great deal. It’s hardly horrible, but it’s not great either.

But you manage to do a lot more damage if you play the second Cadance via Hasty to the other problem to move Luna to start a DFO. If you win the DFO, now you scored 3 points for 4 AT, a much better deal!

One and one third AT per point is a perfectly reasonable rate of exchange, if you ask me. Not the best, but adequate for most performances.

The example’s a bit simple, but it just goes to show why aggro decks like such low to confront problems, even if the bonus isn’t always great. They want to spend as little AT as possible to score some big points.

A rule I see many aggro players utilize when building decks is to aim for being able to DFO every turn using no more than 4 AT. Assuming nothing goes wrong, of course.

Which does happen since the opponent isn’t always going to just let you do as you please. Maybe the opponent’s problem is just too big for you to confront no matter what you do. Or there’s a Troublemaker in the way. Or whatever.

Stuff like this can lead to some harder decisions. Do you try for a single confront anyway? Or do you just try and save up for a double?

Believe it or not, our guideline still applies here! Just maybe not in the way you expected.

Indeed. After all, we never stipulated that you had to be scoring all those points in the same turn, now did we?

Moving to confront one turn in anticipation of being able to confront the same problem again on the following turn can be quite worth it as well, as now you have scored that problem twice for the price of once.

Especially if on that second turn you manage to confront multiple problems and start a multi-problem faceoff.

Very worth the investment, if it works!

Though there is risk here that the opponent might confront the same problem and start a single problem facceoff. Which can be worth it if you win, but set you back significantly if you lose.

You can waste a lot of AT that way, so be careful with single confronts.

Indeed. That is an excellent example paying too much for your point. Especially as not only did you only score 1 point, you allowed your opponent to score an extra point as well.

Now this isn’t a principle only aggro decks should use. It applies to all sorts decks.

Though the rule is a bit weird for combo decks…

Indeed. In that case, it doesn’t matter how much AT you wind up spending in the long run so long as you make it to 15.

But anyway, let’s look at control and how they might want use this rule.

I doubt any of you would be surprised to learn that Photo Finish: Say "Käse!" is a staple in many control decks. To the point that some decks will even splash into white for the sole purpose of playing her.

Now why is that? She doesn’t help control players maintain control. She doesn’t give you any resources or help you find the tools you need. All she does is score you points, and even those are conditional.

Well, it’s simple! It’s because she’s a very cost efficient way of scoring points. Very frequently Photo will score the control player several points over the course of the game. Sometimes as many as five, or even more!

And even those without my astonishingly massive intellect can tell that 5 points for a mere 3 AT investment is an extraordinarily good deal.

Another common tactic for control players is to build up a troublemaker wall, then start confronting a single problem a turn behind it.

Indeed. You’ve likely spent a large quantity of AT to set up this situation, but as long as you are able to maintain it, you will be scoring a point every turn for the rest of the game thanks to that large investment.

Efficient command of your troops in such a manner is a great way to come out victorious in the end!

And I suppose it is briefly worth mentioning that Farming decks also use this principle, trying to score multiple points for a very small AT investment. Frequently they can score 2 points a turn with just 1 AT investment, as they play an epic, uncover it, and defeat it immediately.

Honestly they’re probably a little too efficient if you ask me...

But that’s a topic for another day! For now, it’s good enough to know that every deck archetype strives to follow this rule, even if not always in the same way. After all, points are what determine the winner at the end.

All too right, Berry.

Of course, even I must admit, that even the finest of plans go wrong on occasion. And while it is a good idea to adhere to this guideline where possible, it is not always feasible.

Sometimes you need to pay more to score than you would normally, and there’s just no getting around it no matter how clever you are. Especially if you’re playing aggro and there’s a troublemaker in the way.

It’s up to you to figure out when you should be sticking to the rule and when you should be breaking it.

After all, a clever general knows when to change her plan of attack.

Now that we have sufficiently gone over the strategy of scoring points, I believe it is time to tap our reservoir of knowledge on a different, though related, topic.

Preventing the opponent from scoring points. A tool all control players rely on.

Not just control players, you know. It’s an essential skill for everypony.

Though admittedly, control uses it the most.

True enough, my dear. I’ll concede that point gladly.

So we all know how important it is to score points, since getting to fifteen first means you’re the winner, but your opponent is trying to do that too.

So it’s not always enough to get as many points as possible yourself, sometimes you’ve got to prioritize stopping the opponent from scoring them.

And like with scoring points, you want to be efficient at it.

While it’s true that you could simply Napcakes their Friend to prevent the opponent from single confronting, that is typically going to be a waste of very important resources. You are spending 1 AT to stop 1 point.

Now we learned earlier that a point is worth a little less than 2 AT, so why is this a bad deal?

Well, it’s because that’s AT you could have been spending to score points of your own, but now you can’t. So it actually wound up costing you more than you thought!

Indeed, you should save that Napcakes for when it would be most effective. Such as preventing a DFO, or to protect a troublemaker. By successfully protecting the troublemaker, you’ve denied them not only the confront, but likely the ability to DFO. Possibly extending into future turns as well.

And by stopping the DFO, that’s at least two points you denied. One for the extra confront, and one or more from the bonus point they were likely to score. Far more efficient.

And as an added bonus, you might cause a single faceoff to happen instead, which you probably have a better chance of winning.

Not only did you thwart the opponent’s plans by denying them multiple points, but you managed to advance your own agenda by scoring a few yourself.

Bringing yourself much closer to winning the battle.

The AT value of denying points is a little harder to define than it was for scoring points, especially since it’s likely you only have so many way of doing so in any given deck. I would wager it is probably closer to only one and a quarter AT per point denied, rather than one and three quarters.

Of course, you do get extra value out of delaying the opponent’s plans, so sometimes that can make up for the AT cose.

Though things are a little different if it’s the opponent’s 15th point. In that case, if they can score at all you’ll lose, so your entire battle plan needs to be devoted to finding a way to score without letting them do so themselves.

Quite right. As I said before, the fifteenth point is priceless. As such, all rules about efficiency are off the table when it comes to keeping it away from your opponent.

Or securing it for yourself, of course.

Now there is one last topic we should address before bringing this discussion to a close. Something that, as my lovely companion alluded to before, we have taken to calling “points on board.”

Points on board is pretty simple! It refers to how many points a pony can score on their turn with the current problems. It also counts anything in play that increases that number, like Nightglider: Overpowering or troublemakers worth points.

As a simple example, if the problems are both Under Lock and Tree, then the points on board is 3, as the opponent can only score a maximum of 3 points with what is currently available.

Now if one of the problems was Tough Call instead, points on board would be 4. If you also had a Changeling Mimics in play, then it would be 4 for you and 5 for the opponent.

So why does this matter? Well, it can help you predict what scores might look like a turn from now. If you scored every point possible this turn, what would your point total be? What if the opponent scored every point available to her?

This can be particularly important to take note of during the end game. If your opponent is at 11 with 4 points on board, you better take measures to ensure the opponent can score, at most, 3 of those points lest you find yourself defeated.

And in a situation where the roles are reversed, it would behoove you to do everything in your power to score all four points. After all, that 15th point is priceless.

Of course for most of the game, there aren’t enough points on board for you to finish the game. But it’s still something to be aware of.

Indeed. It might factor into decisions like whether or not to pass two, six, or eleven points. Occasionally it is better to delay passing those thresholds for a turn, to keep the opponent’s AT gain lower.

But by far, the most important time to be aware of this is at the endgame. Especially when you can’t close out the game.

Let’s try a different example. Both players are at 11 points and there are only 3 points on board. You have the ability to DFO and score 3 points, bringing you just one point away from victory so you do.

But then a 2 point problem is flipped after problems are replaced and now there are 4 points on board. If your opponent has the ability to DFO and claim them all, you’ll have lost the war despite victory being within your grasp.

So what went wrong here?

Ah, a simple trap has been sprung here. Despite there only being 3 points on board now, you failed to account for the fact that problems being replaced allows for the possibility of the number of points on board for the opponent shifting.

You would have been fine had you not gotten greedy, my dear.

That was just an example, hun, not something that happened recently.

But yes, that’s exactly what I was getting at. Before your DFO, you had a good idea of how many points the opponent could possibly score on their turn, and it wasn’t enough for them to win.

Instead of going for a DFO, you could have just gone for a single confront since you knew it was unlikely the opponent could win next turn. Now you’re at 12 points with 3 points on board, enough to win next turn!

But by replacing problems, you gave up your safety and allowed the tides of battle to change. A mistake that has caused many a good pony to lose a fight that seemed like a decisive victory until the very last moment.

You are still talking about the game, right?

Sure, that too!

What my esteemed colleague is trying to convey is that one must not only think about the points on board now, but the points that may be on board. Think a turn ahead, lest it cost you the game.

After all, were you to face me and failed to plan accordingly, I would be more than willing to capitalize on your error and come out triumphant.

They get it, hun.

But that was everything on the battle plan, so I think we’re done here!

Yet another masterful execution, my dear. I think we can leave with the knowledge that we are making the world a better place for those who play this favourite game of ours.

Ah-hah, you were right, Cici!

Told you they were up here.

Oh, uh… we were just.

Trespassing in Cici’s home? Again?

I still don’t get how you guys even get up here. You’re earth ponies.

Ah, well, there’s a very simple explanation for this. You see...

Now!

You got it, hun.

What the? Where’d all this smoke come from?

Anyway, what are you all—

They’re gone, Cici.

Wah?

I didn’t think smoke bombs actually worked.

Eh, whatever. They’re gone now. And it doesn’t look like they did anything.

Yeah, well, I’d still like to know what they’re up to. This is, what, the third time they’ve done this?

I think it’s the fourth. Remember that one time we found open envelopes addressed to them at my place last year?

Oh yeah, that was weird. But they never seem to do anything. Wonder what they’re up to...

Maybe they just wonder what it’s like to live as pegasi so they researched a cloudwalking spell and visit!

Yeah, that’d make sense. Being a pegasus is pretty awesome. I can’t imagine not having wings.

Still weird that they do it when we’re not here, though.

Maybe they’re shy about it.

Well, whatever they’re doing, it certainly seems harmless enough.

Weird…

But harmless.

Well, looks like they didn’t do anything so I’m off. Bye Cici! Let me know if they come back.

Later, Flits. Will do.

[redvelvetreel]

Red Velvet Reel 3.2: Bother-in-law

                                            [Fic Directory]

Pairing: [Married] Spicyhoney (Underfell Papyrus x Underswap Papyrus)

Characters: Edge (Underfell Papyrus) & Stretch (Underswap Papyrus) & Red (Underfell Sans) & Blue (Underswap Sans)

Summary: Stretch and Blue have a heart to heart. Then Edge and blue have a heart to heart. There’s some progress, but...

Contains: Mpreg/Skelepreg! Domestic Fluff! Pancake(s) again! Mentions of violence! Sibling fights & fluff! Some swearing! Misunderstandings, overreactions, and fights that slowly get resolved!

Rating: Teen and up! (I guess? I don’t know ;;;;)

Note: Thank you for your support, always! <3

“Of course not,” now Blue was patting Stretch’s back, shifting so he was sitting on the floor next to his brother instead, “If you’re happy and this is something you both want, then I think it’s wonderful.  I’m happy for both of you, and I approve one hundred percent.” Stretch nodded, and they lapsed into companionable silence. Stretch spoke up suddenly, “He didn’t want to tell Red either. So I don’t think it’s you- or just you, anyway. Maybe it is just a case of the nerves.” “Well, this is kind of nerve-wracking,” Blue agreed, “And Edge and Red are still getting used to the way we do things in this universe. As much as they try to pretend everything is fine, I think they still have a hard time getting out of that ‘Fell’ mindset. I can’t imagine having a child in that horrible place is easy, and Edge is probably unconsciously thinking along those lines.” “You think so?” Stretch pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging his legs as he rested his head against Blue’s shoulder. Blue rubbed his back, starting to nod before shrugging instead. “Well, I don’t know for sure, but based on the way Red acts at home sometimes...” Blue sighed, looking annoyed. ”He hoards food under his bed, and he has the schedules for all the neighbors memorized. When one of them switches it up, he gets incredibly anxious and aggressive. It’s gotten a lot better over time, but he still has his bad days. I don’t think he’s ever completely comfortable or relaxed.” “Edge too.” Blue looked at him meaningfully, still rubbing his back in big circles, “I... sometimes I worry that it’s not that he’s adjusted and doing better. He’s just getting better at hiding it. But this is too depressing. This was supposed to be a fun and happy day, you know? So...”

Stretch looked around the room for inspiration, trying to think of a new topic. Nothing stood out much- ever since Red moved out, it was a pretty simple guest room. “Say,” he sat up, remembering snatches of an old conversation, “Didn’t you claim this arrangement with Red was only temporary? That he could stay with you until he found someplace else? It’s been like a year, bro. Housing market that bad?” Blue laughed, “Well! Since you moved out, I have an extra room I don’t use. It’s economically wise to continue rooming together. Red’s jokes are vulgar and he swears like a sailor but... it’s not too bad. And I don’t think he’s ready to tackle living in a completely different universe on his own. We are technically family now, after all, so I couldn’t send him off in good conscience. Not without knowing he’d be ok on his own, you know?” Stretch hummed pensively, “He certainly doesn’t seem to be eager to leave, either.” “I think…” Blue mused, “It’s because we’re fulfilling each other’s needs.” Stretch’s eyes became comically wide, shaking Blue, hard, “All of them?! Are you two-?? No way! Noooooo waaaay!! Opposites attract, eh?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively despite not having any. Blue’s entire face flushed bright blue in mortification, shoving his brother away as he jumped up to his feet. He started pacing restlessly, “No! Ew! Not like that! NEVER like that! EVER! Gross, euggggh- I think I might actually be sick-“ “Wait, wait-“ Stretch scrambled for the trash can on the other side of the room, flopping on the bed and holding it out. “Use this! Edge has gotten really unpredictable morning sickness lately, so we’ve got one of these in every room now!” Blue took the trash can, shook out the few pieces of trash onto the floor, and promptly put it over Stretch’s head. His brother seemed surprised, but didn’t remove it. Stretch rested his chin on his fist, looking like a ridiculous pinup model. “You’re so dumb.” Blue still ended up laughing. “Sorry,” Stretch’s voice had an echo-like quality, “I shouldn’t have teased. I know it’s not like that…. right?” “We’re more like two empty-nesters who miss the chaos and bustle of before. I... it’s... very quiet without you, Papy,” Blue admitted quietly, looking at Stretch with a melancholy smile he knew he couldn’t see, “I never thought I’d say this, but I kind of miss your messes. It’s absolutely not the same with Red, but... It’s nice to have someone to look after again, as infuriating as he can be. It gives me something to do. “I’m really excited about Pancake! I can’t wait to teach them how to make their eyelights form different shapes! Uncle Blue will always be up for babysitting! I can’t wait to meet them!” Stretch took the bucket off of his head, but Blue’s smile was sunny and excited, “Oh, oh, but before that, you have to let me know when you two need some help around here! I know how Edge likes to keep house, and I know you aren’t going to do it, you lazybones! He’s managing fine now, but! We’ll see how long that lasts!” Stretch had a feeling there was more to this story, but he didn’t want to push too hard either. Before he could make up his mind, Blue stood up and dusted off his pants, gesturing towards the hallway. “Thank you, Papy! I feel a lot better. Nothing like a good talk with your super cool little brother to sort out these pesky feelings, eh?” “I wouldn’t know, I don’t have a little brother,” Stretch deadpanned, standing up and putting the trashcan back on the floor, “But I can confirm its 100% effective with magnificent big brothers too.” He winked. Blue shook his head fondly, “You goofball. Let’s get back to the kitchen and make sure everything and everyone is still in one piece. I need to apologize to Edge.” Stretch sighed, walking through the small pile of trash still on the floor as he followed his brother into the hallway. He kept a questioning gaze on Blue’s back, stopping just outside the doorway leading into the kitchen, saying quietly, “Edge too. He was- he needs to apologize too.” Blue stopped, looking over his shoulder quizzically, “It’s ok. He’s kind of dealing with a lot right now, and he just lashed out because he thought he was being attacked. I should have been clearer. He and Red have very strong personalities, too. I get it-“ “No,” Stretch took the lead now, putting a hand on Blue’s shoulder and guiding him into the kitchen. “They’re both assholes and they know it. Edge can’t keep doing this. Not to you.” He cleared his throat, calling out loudly, “Hey, Edge-“ Edge was sitting on the floor by the trashcan, head pillowed on his arms, while Red was at the kitchen sink... brushing his teeth? Stretch immediately sank to his knees next to his husband, lightly rubbing his back and murmuring encouragement. Blue walked over to Red, staring at the half empty bottle of mouthwash in consternation. “Usually vulgar language is punished with soap, not toothpaste,” Blue raised his browbones, “What did you say?!” “Nothin’!” Red spoke through a mouthful of toothpaste, spitting into the kitchen sink with a defensive shrug. “We arguin’ like we do, belch in his face, an’ he’s runnin’ fer the bathroom like it’s goddamn Gyftmas mornin’!” “Ew, gross!” Blue looked disgusted. “That’s enough to make anyone sick!” “Ain’t nothin’ new, been doin’ that since his bratty bone days- he’s immune! But then he’s handin’ me all this stuff sayin’ my breath’s makin’ him sick. Think he’s bein’ an ass ‘til he nearly upchucks on my shoes!” Red muttered something under his breath, downing the rest of the mouth wash and gargling loudly, wiping his mouth with a grimace. “A’ight, ya fuckin’ diva- that better?” For all the bravado and venom, he looked anxious, scowling at Edge and playing with the zipper on his coat. Red flinched when Blue put a gentle hand on his shoulder, glaring at him suspiciously. Blue spoke softly, as though to a frightened animal, “It’s probably all the mustard you’ve eaten. It’s pretty strong, and uh-“ Blue paused, trying to think of the most sensitive way of phrasing it, “Edge is...more...... um?” “Yeah!” Stretch smiled brightly, keeping one arm around Edge’s shoulders and looking at Blue gratefully, “Pancake’s suddenly taking up a huge part of your magic, so you body needs to adjust in a lot of ways to compensate- one of those ways appears to be a sensitivity to mustard! Seems like Pancake doesn’t like it very much.” Edge finally looked up, and despite an obvious pallor to his bones, grinned,  “Truly, my child.” Blue wasn’t sure it really worked that way, but if it made Edge feel better, then... Stretch helped Edge to his feet, guiding him over the closest chair. He was starting to look much better, and Red relaxed significantly. He kept his post by the sink warily, however, reluctant to get too close. Stretch seemed to feel sorry for Red, going over to lean against the counter with him. “Here, drink this- slowly, in sips,” Edge looked back, surprised, when Blue brought him a glass of water, accepting it with an unplaceable emotion. He ran his finger along the rim of the glass a few times, not looking up even when Red cleared his throat loudly. “Boss.” Edge shifted, pointedly looking away before turning to look Blue in the eye. “I’m... sorry.” Edge opened and shut his mouth as though he wanted to say something else. Blue waited patiently for him to continue, but Red started moving his hand impatiently, “Why? C’mon, use ‘em big boy words.” Edge scowled, crossing his arms and looking sullen. That was actually kind of cute. Blue hoped his poker face was more convincing than it felt. “It was... bad... to lash out,” Edge sounded awkward and unsure, looking to Stretch in an obvious plea for assistance. Stretch only smiled and made a little heart with his hands. “I... expected and was prepared to be berated and questioned,” Edge glared pointedly at Red, who just rolled his eyes. “I just didn’t think it’d come from you.” Edge sunk further into his chair in obvious embarrassment, but he didn’t look as put out as before. “Berated?” Blue sighed heavily. “Can we talk? Honestly?” The kitchen suddenly felt too quiet. Stretch and Red couldn’t seem to decide what to do, looking between themselves and everything else with palpable unease. Edge regarded him carefully, as though looking for an ulterior motive. Blue shifted impatiently, clearing his throat as he tried again, “Talk. You know, without all of this posturing?” “Only if you drop the niceties and fake politeness.” Blue wanted to be offended at the implication, but nodded, “I’ll do my best.” Edge tilted his head towards the opposite end of the table, waiting until Blue sat down. He put his hands out on the table, fingers splayed to make his lack of a weapon obvious, “Then so shall I.” Blue tried to get his thoughts in order, tenting his hands as he regarded the skeleton sitting across from him carefully. Edge stared back, expression neutral but clearly waiting for him to start. Well, no helping it- they’d have to meet each other halfway. Blue sighed, putting his palms on the table, facing up. “Ballsy,” Red sounded impressed. “Should we go?” Stretch rubbed at his neck, “We can watch soccer or something, right?” “Sure,” Red played with his zipper, “That the one ya kick or throw? Love sportsball shit. So fuckin’ sporty.” Blue saw Edge’s mouth quirk slightly before he smoothed his expression, still watching him calmly. “If you’d like,” Blue finally said when it was clear Edge wasn’t going to say anything, giving his brother a small smile, “We’ll call you if we need you.” “Ok,” Stretch put a hand on Blue’s skull affectionately, sharing a look with Edge before leaving. Red trailed after, sticking his tongue out, “Gentle-like, yeah?” Edge narrowed his eyes but said nothing, glowering at an unfortunate shaker of salt before neutralizing his expression and staring right back at Blue. “Do you hate me?!” Blue finally blurted out, leaning on the table, “Do you just not like me as a person? Is it related to Papy or-“ “I don’t hate you,” Edge cut in, “Overall, I don’t dislike you, either. However, you can be meddlesome, inadvertently encourage Stretch’s worse habits, and disingenuous-“ “Disingenuous?!” Blue tried very hard not to let any of that bother him- he had asked for honesty after all, “When have I ever lied to you?!” “From the moment Stretch first introduced me as his lover,” Edge kept his tone civil and calm, although there was an underlying frustration, “You have tried to act welcoming and be supportive of his unconventional choice, which I can understand and do appreciate, truly- but you don’t trust me. I don’t understand why you try to act like you do. I would consider that disingenuous, but perhaps here it’s just ‘polite.’” “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Edge! It’s just that Papy’s my little brother, and he has a tendency to think with his heart instead of his head. You can’t blame me for being a little overprotective. I just want to make sure-“ “I don’t know what you want from me,” Edge sounded weary, “You ask for honesty, but don’t listen to it. I did not want to alter this status quo- you did.” “Ok, ok,” Blue rubbed at his skull, willing away all his frustration, “I get what you’re saying- and you’re right. I guess I don’t really trust you-“ “Understandable,” Edge cut in quickly, “ I come from an environment where violence  is the culture, and I have an LV and EXP that testify to my capabilities. I could easily kill your brother,  either on purpose or on accident, and there isn’t anything you could do to stop me. You might not even know for several days, and I could be long gone by the time you discover-“ “If this is a bid to increase my trust in you,” Blue’s voice was hard, giving Edge a piercing look that he felt in his very soul. As though Blue could see all of his sins, an unpleasant shudder involuntarily ran down his spine. “It’s not working. Stop it. Now.” Edge slammed his fist down on the table, startling Blue enough to break his concentration and end the suffocating feeling, “I have always had the ability and capability to kill your brother. From the day I met him to this very moment, this has never changed. The only thing that has changed is your explicit awareness of the situation. You can’t know my intentions, but I would have assumed my actions have made them exceedingly clear.” Blue smiled a little sadly, looking at Edge as if seeing him in a new light, “I understand. I guess my actions have given you the wrong impression up to this point.” Edge sighed, “I wouldn’t be in this position,” He gestured at his stomach, then at Blue, “Or this one if I did not want to be in them. Intent is at the core of everything a monster does. Intent is a monster’s soul.” “I’m sorry. I never… realized. But I think your missing a key piece! Intent and actions are important, but so are justifications and explanations! ” Blue nodded in self-assurance, “You told me this because you want me to understand you better! You think the benefits outweigh the costs.” Edge shifted uncomfortably, “I... suppose.” “So where do we go from here?” Blue leaned back in his chair, looking at Edge inquisitively, “We both care about Papy in our own different ways, and it’s safe to say we both want what’s best for him and to see him happy.” Edge nodded, hesitantly, clearing his throat, “He... thinks very highly of you, so...” “You too!” Blue beamed at him, “I don’t think we should get along just for his sake, though- now that I think about it, we don’t really know each other very well, do we? It’s actually super embarrassing that I don’t know so many basic things about my own brother-in-law! So, let’s start over on the same page.” Blue hopped down from his chair, holding out his hand, “We know each other- my name is Sans, but you call me Blue! My favorite color is red, my favorite food is Mac and Cheese, and my favorite shape is the star!” Edge stared at the offered hand, shaking his head incredulously but taking it in a firm shake, “Edge. Red. Not pancakes. I don’t know.” “Ah, Papy’s gotten excited over Pancake and keeps making them, huh?” Blue snickered, giving Edge a sympathetic look, “He’s always had these food phases. He had a dinosaur oatmeal phase in high school where that was all he ate for like 3 solid months. I’m not sure how he can still stand the stuff, because that incident left me scarred and I didn’t even eat it!” Edge laughed, really laughed, and Blue realized it was the first time he heard that sound. It was really nice. “Um, hey,” Blue sighed, worrying his bandana, “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings earlier. I was just…  really surprised. Completely blindsided.” Edge looked at him oddly, “If I held grudges against family, Red would be dust.” Family, huh? Blue brightened immediately, resting his chin on his hands, “I just had no idea! How long have you two been considering kids?” “Ah…” Edge looked away, drumming his fingers on the table almost nervously, “I have been upfront since our engagement about my... expectations for the future. Even so, Pancake- I mean, the baby was... unplanned.” Blue nodded encouragingly, “Unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome?” “On my end,” Edge hesitated, looking over Blue’s head at the doorway and the faint murmur of the tv coming from the living room. He leaned forward, asking very quietly, “Is this... something... he’s always wanted... too?” “Hmm,” Blue didn’t know Edge could look so insecure, eyeing the doorway as though Stretch and Red would barrel in at any moment. As much as he was wracking his brain, however, nothing stuck out to him. “Not that I can remember. Sorry.” Something in his soul clenched painfully as Edge leaned back in his chair, feigning indifference but unconsciously resting his hand on the imperceptible swell of magic. “I see. Well, no matter-“ “But!” Blue jumped up on the chair, leaning as far across the table he could to grasp Edge’s other hand resting on the table. Edge seemed startled, reflexively snatching his hand back and scooting his chair back hard enough to cause the table to shake. Blue managed to keep his balance, barely, and gave Edge a reassuring fist pump instead, continuing with vigor, “That doesn’t mean it’s not something he wants now! He didn’t talk about marriage when he was younger, and look at him now! Very happy! Plans change anyway! If there’s one thing I know about Papy, really well, it’s that he will let you know if he really, really doesn’t want to do something. Ask him to pick up his socks.” Edge grimaced. “Exactly! I think, at this point, you know him better than I do, anyway! So trust your heart- but more importantly, trust him!” “What do you...” Edge trailed off. “You’re jealous!” Edge sat up ramrod straight, sockets widening in realization. [Part 1]   [Here!]  [Part 3]

[thenickelportrust]

How would the RO's react if they noticed that a normally flirty and playful MC starts to become a little shy around them for some reason (MC's starting to become more serious about them but is worried that they won't take them seriously because of how they usually act.) Also would they notice the change or would it take someone to point it out to the RO for them to notice.

Finley: Finley knows the MC extremely well. Even if the two aren’t close at the start of the game they’ve still worked together for four years and Finley is very observant to begin with. So they would notice pretty much immediately but wouldn’t really know why… ish. Finley is also the type of person where, with something like this, they’re most likely to know why but think that they’re wrong. If they thought or had a sense that this was the MC’s true intention then they’d brush it off as “seeing what they wanted to see” or overthinking it and instead ignore their own inclination to ask about specifically that and instead worry over what it could possibly be. (Probably end up asking the MC if something bad happened or if they need help with something troubling.)

Raf: Raf would notice pretty much immediately but wouldn’t know why. He’d get pretty worried, though, since he has a tendency to jump to the dark side and think that something horrible must have happened. So he’d definitely worry over the MC until they either assuaged his fears/got fed up with his constant mother-henning and let him know the truth.

Jacob: Jacob probably wouldn’t notice until someone pointed it out to him. At the beginning of the relationship/pre-relationship he tends to think of flirts as not really meant for him, anyway, but just sort of the MC in general. So he wouldn’t particularly notice when they’d stop coming. It would take someone else mentioning it for him to realize that the MC had gone fairly quiet on that front, but he wouldn’t understand why.

Lucy: Lucy wouldn’t notice at first. It’d definitely take some time but I feel like because she loves banter so much she’d start to realize that MC wasn’t picking up on the opportunities she was passing them or retorting to the lines she was giving as well. (Either that or someone else would let her know.) She wouldn’t know why, though, and might get a little annoyed first- thinking that maybe they were sick of hanging out with her and would want them to just speak up about it instead of dragging themselves along quietly reluctantly. Which might lead to a bit of a misunderstanding, as you can imagine, but she’d probably laugh about it later.

Yolanda: Yolanda would notice and probably guess why. If the two had a physical relationship before then her first reaction might actually be worry that she’s reading too much into it. (Considering this is early in the relationship and therefore before she comes to terms with the idea of being in an emotional relationship with the MC.) She might actually try to break it off if this were the case, hoping that some space would give the MC the perspective she needs. (And in doing so might realize that she misses having the MC around too, which could eventually even lead to her realization that she wants to be more serious about the relationship, too.) Conversely in an MC pursuing an emotional/solely emotional relationship w/o going for the physical one first she’d notice but not give it much thought since this would still be pretty much in line with what the MC’d been doing anyway.

Eileen: Eileen would notice, she’d be concerned and probably immediately shift into trying to make sure that they’re healthy, happy, and having fun. She wouldn’t guess what the problem is so it’d lead to an eclectic mix of trying to care for them or make them feel better in any possible way to remedy whatever situation she’s guessing it is. Save for, y’know, the actual situation. That probably wouldn’t occur to her until the MC or someone else told her.

Informant: The Informant would notice but probably wouldn’t bring it up or act like he noticed. He’d feel like he was overstepping a boundary by asking what it is that caused them to go quiet, but might drop a few hints here or there letting the MC know that if there’s something that they want to tell him or if something is wrong (he wouldn’t be fully sure if the reason for them going quiet is related to himself or if something is going on with the MC in general) that he’s there to listen.

Ricky:  Ricky… Ricky is a little dense with stuff like this. Since this would have to be early on in the relationship he probably wouldn’t even notice it. Maybe he might subconsciously realize that something is different, which would be expressed when a prime flirt chance passes by the MC un-flirted but even then he might make a remark like, “Nothing to say? Well, perhaps you’ve finally become a decent human being.” Or something else along those lines. Internally he might see that something’s up but he wouldn’t consciously realize or really even try to think about why.

V: V is actually really good at reading people- it’s how they always manage to get on their nerves so quickly, after all. So with such a sudden and drastic change like this you bet they’d notice right away and you can also bet that they’d know exactly why. In response they might start flirting even more with the MC, as a sort of (maybe misguided, depending on how the MC takes it) way of urging them towards the fact that V would also be very interested in a more serious relationship and if they want to take the next step then they should go ahead and do so.

[aneuhi]

Life Is Strange MBTI: Nathan Prescott and why he is an ISFP 6w7

Nathan Prescott has been one of my favourite characters ever since I’ve played and finished LiS! I’ve been always drawn to characters like him. I love a good challenge. And characters who appear one way and are, in fact, another (sometimes the exact opposite) has always been my cup of tea.

Unfortunately, these characters often suffer from a misunderstanding by the majority of the fandom. People refuse to look deeper into them and are quick to assume that their surface behaviour is their „real“ personality. And this, with many other factors, leads to mistyping them.

That’s why I’d love to share my point of view with you!

In the following paragraphs, I’m going to try to get into Nathan’s head a bit more, look deeper into him, see through his mask and show you why do I think he’s an ISFP counterphobic 6w7! :)

I’d also like to forewarn you that this article is most likely to contain some spoilers from the game! So if you haven’t finished it yet you might want to avoid the “keep reading” option.

Typing Nathan is nothing easy. It’s not just that he is unhealthy but, mainly, he’s affected by various mental illnesses. Typing a character with mental illness is always sort of a challenge since their behaviour is out of the ‘norms‘ we tend to associate with each type.

If the player is cautious enough they may notice that there are a lot of hints suggesting that Nathan suffers from bipolarity disorder, most likely schizophrenia, depression, psychosis and even some eating disorders etc.

Meeting Nathan:

When Nathan is presented to the player for the very first time he appears to be this unstable, paranoid, impulsive, ruthless, bully rich-kid who goes around bullying and intimidating others, going as far as to pull a gun on them.

If a player wants to truly understand Nathan they should view him as, sort of, two different people.

However, the game offers us some parts and scenes where we can see Nathan’s “real“ personality.

To understand it better we’ll use the most generic pattern for typing a character. We’ll focus on the Exterior Nathan (they way he makes himself to be) and Interior Nathan (the way he’s really like.)

Let’s start with Exterior Nathan.

Nathan’s surface is quite clear, we’ve already talked about it a bit. He wants to be intimidating, he wants to control people, to control the situation, he has no problem with threating and bullying others, he’s critical, pretentious, rude, hot-headed, quick to act etc. And all of these exterior qualities make a lot of people mistype him.

Nathan is mostly (in like 99.9% of the cases) /mis/typed as ESTP (Se, Ti, Fe, Ni). Let’s take a look at some examples from the gamse:

Why do people think Nathan is an Extravert:

Nathan is known and shown as the head of Vortex Club. He’s supposed to attend all these big parties with tons of people, therefore he has to interact with them. He’s supposed to spend time with all the popular kids.

But does that mean he enjoys it?

Does that mean he recharge this way? Or is he doing it just to support the act?

If you think about it, have you really seen him joyfully interacting with anyone else besides Victoria?

In the limited edition of Life Is Strange which was released on January 19, 2016, his door slate is replaced with LEAVE ME ALONE instead of the original THE PRESCOTTS RULE THIS TOWN!!! slate. Implying that he may act a certain way but, deep down, think something completely different.

Why do people think Nathan is a Thinker:

There’s a common assumption going around that Thinkers are usually more ruthless, rude, cold and cruel than Feelers.

And Nathan, without a doubt, acts cold. He seems to think he’s way above everyone else, doesn’t hesitate to swear, and attack people – either emotionally or physically.  

Therefore it’s more likely for a Thinker to spit profanities at you or/and trying to intimidate you, which Nathan does quite often.

A lot of people don’t seem to connect rudeness and hostility with Feelers.

Feelers are portrayed as these warm and gentle people who would do headstands to help someone, they won’t curse at anyone, won’t boast about having this and that, instead, they’d keep modest.

Out of thinkers, ESTPs are best known as the “bullies“ of MBTI when unhealthy.

Why do people think Nathan is an Eight:

Enneagram is all about the Basic desire and the Basic fear. If we look up enneagram type Eight we’ll come to find out that:

Basic Desire: To be in control | Basic fear: To be controlled.

It’s absolutely understandable people think Nathan is an Eight. He actually gives away almost all the signs of an unhealthy Eight.

Unhealthy Eights, among other things: Are filled with fear that someone may take advantage of them. They’re quick to let everyone know who’s the boss here. They are highly confrontational, bullying. They use threats and power as tactics to make others obey them.

8w7s: One of the subtypes which is most prone to addiction. Many examples that Nathan is doing drugs (hard or soft) can be found in the game. 8w7s are competitive, very boastful, materialistic, wanting to show off they’re better than others. Can’t stand self-pitying in others (as well as in themselves). At their worst, they can be explosive and violent.

As you can see Nathan really does appear to be an ESTP 8w7. People who type him that way can’t be really blamed, especially because he plays out his charade so well.

However, I feel that typing Nathan the way he makes himself to be is a huge loss for his “real“ character, for the way he’s underneath all the designer clothes and sharp words.

Why is Nathan an ISFP (Fi, Se, Ni, Te):  

Nathan doesn’t appear to be what ISFPs are known for. He doesn’t seem like a gentle, warm person who wouldn’t hurt a fly, does he?

Why’s that?

Because he’s highly unhealthy. Therefore the most frequent ISFP pattern cannot be applied to him.

There’s a huge conflict going on inside Nathan.

As the typical FiSe he has problems with making decisions. His auxiliary Se values freedom. To be able to do exactly what he wants to do, whenever he feels like it. Unfortunately, that is not how Nathan’s life is supposed to be.

Since he’s the son of (one of) the most important families in Arcadia Bay he can’t be the way he would have wanted to.

He cannot be himself which is the most horrible thing that could happen to a FiSe. And this can’t lead to anything else than to him becoming unhealthy.

Dominant Fi is usually what helps ISPFs to connect the dots between events going on. It keeps them present. They’re truly living in a moment. They are able to differ who’s a good person and who’s a bad person. However, this function gets oppressed when the FiSe becomes unhealthy making them delusional and out of touch with reality.

(A letter to Nathan’s father from Nathan’s personal doctor. The letter can be found in Life Is Strange episode 4 in the Dark Room.)

Auxiliary Se makes ISFPs very individualistic people. They might enjoy breaking rules from time to time even when healthy.

Unhealthy Auxiliary Se: rules-breaking becomes almost the meaning of their life. Nathan feels the need to express himself and he does it the worst way possible. By breaking every single rule that exists.

(A list of Nathan’s recent lash-outs. The list can be found in Life Is Strange episode 3 on the computer in principal’s office.) (The attempted theft of Tobanga can even be considered as another effect of unhealthy Se: Auxiliary Se users need to connect with nature, their surroundings influence them and they feel drawn to it, want to experience things with all their senses)

Tertiary Ni usually functions as the supportive, understanding friend to an ISFP. The one who pats them on the back and says It’s okay, you don’t have to understand everything and everyone. It’s okay to feel this way.

Unhealthy tertiary Ni twists around the original concept and makes ISFPs doubt themselves to the fullest. Making them feel worthless and useless if they can’t fulfil what they’re supposed to. Eventually leading to them becoming apathetic because no matter what, they won’t be able to satisfy their and others needs.

Inferior Te is the function which raises (and oppresses the dominant function; Fi) when an ISFP becomes unhealthy. To put it simple ISFPs are completely robbed of their warm personality. They become extremely paranoid. They tend to be over-analytical, thinking everything is out to get them, they misinterpret innocent gestures for threats. Instead of being able to tell trustworthy and dangerous people apart they assume everyone is potentially dangerous – which leads to them becoming antisocial and distant.

(Nathan’s scribbles reading Rachel In The Dark Room. This scribble can be found in Life Is Strange episode 3 on the computer in principal’s office.)

Why is Nathan an Introvert:

An introvert recharges when being alone. They need time for themselves. Which seems to multiply in Nathan since he has to act like a certain someone. He definitely needs the time to sort his thoughts out.

We may want to take his changed door slate into consideration.

He’s often seen alone. When talking to people about Nathan most of them reply that they’ve recently seen him going around alone mumbling something to himself.

In Before The Storm, he’s even more introverted. Probably because he’s not that damaged yet. He’s shown walking around the campus, clutching his portfolio not wanting to talk to anyone. When he’s forced to interact with others he leaves to be by himself as soon as possible.

The only moment we can see him with a relaxed expression is when he’s sitting alone on the fountain in the middle of the campus.

Why is Nathan a Feeler:

(Natha’s Best Son In The World diploma which can be found in Life Is Strange episode 4 in his dormitory room.)

The question should be phrased Why is Nathan a Feeler and doesn’t appear warm and welcoming?

I think you guessed the answer by now: It’s because he’s the unhealthy type of a  Feeler.

The main difference between Thinking and Feeling is that Thinkers are objective and Feelers are subjective. It honestly strikes me how people can type Nathan as a Thinker when he is all about being subjective and objectivity is the last thing one can find in his personality.

Pretty much everything he does is subjective and impulsive. He doesn’t apply methodical logic when making decisions, he makes them based on his own ‘logic‘ and the heat of the moment. Rather than logic, it’s his heart he depends on.

He lets people take advantage of him (especially authoritative figures) so he can feel at least a bit valued. According to the diploma in his room, he clearly cares (or once cared) for what his father thinks about him. He wants to make him proud and therefore does anything and everything (based on completely subjective ‘logic’) to make him feel that way.

Why is Nathan a counterphobic Six?

It’s quite common that counterphobic Sixes get mistyped as Eights, and that’s exactly what usually happens when typing or analysing Nathan’s character.

Enneagram Six:

Basic Desire: To feel safe/secure | Basic fear: To be abandoned.

People seem to think Nathan does everything because he wants to be in control. Especially according to his own quote (and probably the most popular one) from the first episode of Life Is Strange.

But, in fact, Nathan doesn’t desire control as much as he desires security.

He’s absolutely lost in his own head. He’s been denied the medicaments that he needs, his thoughts are becoming scattered which makes him an Unhealthy counterphobic Six on a borderline of Destructive counterphobic Six.

Unhealthy Sixes: Feel the desire to escape from their own anxiety and doubts. They oscillate between being explosively reactionary or clingingly dependent. They can explode under pressure and then succumb to the fear of losing a certain amount of their security. They can appear independent only to mask the insecurity and clinginess. They tend to get rebellious and belligerent.

(The letter on the right is an unused letter which was supposed to be in the game. It’s Nathan’s letter to Mr Jefferson after Mr Jefferson cut ties with him after the Rachel incident.)

Destructive Sixes: are even more insecure, anxious and paranoid – to the point where they can abuse drugs (from alcohol to heroin) to ease their anxiety since they feel there’s no other escaping. They often suffer from chronical depression. They can stay in an abusive, manipulative relationship fearing that their partner will somehow punish them if they leave or do anything wrong. Counterphobic Sixes are most likely to become hysterical and lash out at others.

(A note from Mark Jefferson which can be found in the Dark Room in episode 4: Relationship between Mr Jefferson and Nathan is definitely an abusive one. Mr Jefferson uses him, taking advantage of his weak psyche while Nathan depends on him and sees him as the father he’s never had)

6w7s: Six with a Seven-wing can be overly ingratiating because they want to be accepted and liked. They can get impulsive for the sake of quelching their anxiety. In extreme cases can become utterly manic and chaotic, experience enormous mood swings from mania to depression and vice versa – this can be associated with Nathan’s bipolarity. May resort to drugs, drinking, overspending, overexercising, overeating or nonproductive hanging-out as a way to try calming their anxieties.

Nathan is most likely a Self-Preservation type. He values his security to the highest levels. His main instinct is to survive. This can be affected/supported by the denial of any medical treatment for his illnesses.

SP Sixes: Consider their home as somewhat like a castle, island, fortress or barrier of safety to protect them against the dangers of the outside world. Although definitely not the Prescott Estate but this can be easily applied on Nathan’s dorm. Tend to be overly concerned about how authority figures perceive them; feel the need to be well liked by them. Can develop theories about people’s negative moods or hostile intentions which are totally off (goes along with the unhealthy usage of cognitive functions).

- - - - - - Phew, This was quite the journey! Thank you all who finished the whole analysis! This is pretty much all I have to say about Nathan’s character! :)

Let me know what do you think of him! I’d be more than happy to discuss him with you literally anytime because he definitely is one of my top favourite characters! :D

If you feel like it, you can find me on one of my tumblrs, entirely dedicated to Nathan here!

Thank you once again! ^u^

- Eubii

- - - - - -

Used resources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

[language-rxgers]

I’m Not Her (Steve x Reader)- Part 2

Summary: You and Steve have been together for a few years, and you’re madly in love with the soldier, but after Peggy’s passing in CACW, Steve begins bringing her and his life in the ‘40′s up more often than you’re comfortable with. You begin to wonder if he truly is happy with you, as it seems he longs for the life he never had with Peggy more than the one he has with you. Is this the end of the line, or just a misunderstanding?

Characters: Steve Rogers, Reader, T’Challa, Peggy Carter (mentioned frequently), Bucky Barnes (mentioned)

Warnings: Thoughts of self-doubt, insecurity

Word Count: 1637

masterlist

Part 1 (Previous) / Part 3 (End)

*I do not own this gif; credit goes to the rightful owner*

Since that night, you had spent a lot of time on your own, trying to convince yourself that you were being silly and that Steve still loved you with all his heart. You knew for a fact that he was not aware of how his constant reminiscing of Peggy made you feel, and you were not ready to let him know. You knew once you did so, he would feel terrible, and you didn't want to see him in pain. You decided you just needed some space to clear your head and occupy your mind, so you began working out in the training area, which you'd discovered while exploring the impressive facility. T'Challa had given you keys to the gym to train whenever you pleased, for which you thanked him immensely.

You had also spent quite some time in the lab where Bucky was frozen. You knew it might appear strange and creepy, but you knew Bucky was Steve's best friend, and you just needed to talk about everything out loud every once in a while. Talking to Bucky, it served as an effective outlet without really telling anyone your feelings (not anyone that could hear you, at least). It just felt... comfortable, as you'd come to consider him your friend as well in the short time you'd known him as Bucky Barnes and not as the Winter Soldier. You knew Bucky couldn't hear you and couldn't answer you, but it gave you some sort of comfort to talk to him about you and Steve and even just random things that were going on. It felt as though you were somehow keeping him up to date with everything that he was missing.

One night, you and Steve received an invitation from T'Challa to dinner to update you on the progress his scientists had made on curing Bucky. It was just the three of you in the prince's surprisingly quaint and humble personal dining room. He explained that they had not found anything definitive yet, but that they were optimistic with a new case study that they had found in which an experiment cured a woman of schizophrenia. He said it was a reach, but perhaps it may be relevant and might just provide a lead to possibly helping Bucky.

You saw Steve's face fill with hope and gratitude at T'Challa's reveal, and then the rest of the dinner was filled with friendly banter. You and T'Challa were discussing going to the lab the next morning to take some tests so you could learn more about your own powers and the other possible abilities they may possess, arranging to meet at 10:00. "And don't you dare be late," you joked, not noticing how Steve's expression was washed over with the familiar nostalgia he always got when he thought of Peggy.

"Peggy used to say that," he commented fondly. Suddenly the smile fell from your face.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She hated it when I or anyone was late," he recounted, a sad smile tugging at his lips. You suddenly weren't hungry, simply staring at your plate of half-eaten steak and mashed potatoes. T'Challa seemed to take notice of the change in mood.

"Was Peggy your sister?" He asked curiously. Steve chuckled fondly, staring at his plate.

"No, she was an agent at the army base where I was trained. She helped to form SHIELD, actually. She was… an incredible woman." You subconsciously took Steve's hand in yours, giving him a comforting smile. Though it pained you, you still wanted to support him and be there for him. "She was the last person from… before, to still be alive when I came outta the ice. But, she recently passed away."

"She sounds like she was very important to you. I'm very sorry for your loss," T'Challa said thoughtfully, though you could feel that his eyes were watching you and your sudden change in mood while on the topic of Peggy. Steve’s soft eyes flicked up to meet the prince’s.

"Yes, she was a big part of my life," Steve answered honestly.

T'Challa nodded. "And now, you have another strong, beautiful, considerate woman who loves you. A very lucky man," he smiled warmly, gesturing to you. You could see what he was doing, and gave him a thankful smile.

"Yeah, I don't know how I got so lucky. To have a beautiful dame- woman- who's been there for me through everything, helped me get through all this…" he looked over to you, really seeing you with his full attention for what you felt was the first time in a while. "Thank you, (Y/N)," he said quietly. "I know it hasn't always been easy, especially with what happened with Bucky and the Accords, but… I love you," he smiled softly. You smiled back, kissing his cheek.

"I love you, too," you whispered. He put an arm around your shoulder, squeezing it affectionately.

The next day, T'Challa met you outside your room at five minutes to ten. As he led you down the hall to the lab where the doctor was waiting to take your blood for the tests, he spoke up. "Please forgive me if I am overstepping, but I noticed some tension at dinner last night when Captain Rogers brought up that woman from his past- Peggy?" You were slightly taken aback, but felt a kind of safe comfort around him that made it feel easier for you to answer.

"Um, yes. Peggy Carter was Steve's… first love. I guess when he went into the ice, that life they could have had together went with him. He was so happy when he found out she was still alive, he even brought me to meet her a few times. It was really amazing at first; Peggy has been my role model since I was a kid. She's the reason I became a SHIELD agent. I was so inspired by her strength in a time where women had every door shut in their faces, and I was certainly not disappointed when I met her in her nursing home. She was so happy that Steve had found someone, so glad he was happy. That's why, I guess, I felt so upset when Steve began talking about her so much." You kept your eyes trained on the floor. As you and T’Challa continued down the hall, the two of you missed the figure rounding the corner behind you. 

Steve wiped the back of his neck with his towel, sweat still dripping from his workout. He was about to greet the two of you when he heard you continue to speak. "I understand that she was such a big part of his life, but I suppose I just feel like he still loves her more than me. I know that's selfish and I feel so bad for feeling this way about someone who made Steve so happy. I don't know, I guess it's just that I know I can never be Peggy, not even somewhat like her. How am I supposed to compete with someone like that?” You cringed. “Oh, god, I sound horrible, don't I? I've never told anyone how I feel, especially not Steve. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to dump all this on you," you apologized, covering your face with your hands. 

Steve swallowed thickly, brows furrowed. You had never told him about these feelings, but now that he reflected on the past few months, how could he have missed it? Every straightened back, every tense shoulder, every flinch and sharp inhale that always seemed to follow one of Steve’s reminiscences or anecdotes. Every smile that seemed a little too tight to be genuine. Every downcast gaze and sudden solemn change of mood. God, he was such an idiot. How could he have possibly missed this? You never missed it when there was something wrong with him, something eating at his mind. You always knew when he was upset or sad or was just having one of those moments. You always know the right thing to do and say to remind him that he wasn’t alone anymore. And here he was, oblivious to your own pain, because of him. He had to make this right, before it was too late. If it wasn’t already. Steve swiftly turned down the hall to your room, mind racing.

T'Challa placed a hand on your shoulder. "It's alright. I think it's good you finally let this out. Do you mind if I voice my opinion?" You shook your head, allowing him to continue. "It is not right of Captain Rogers to make you feel this way, even if he doesn't realize he is. I believe it's important for you to let him know how this is making you feel, because I'm sure it is not his intention to hurt you by talking of Peggy so often. Perhaps you just remind him of her, and that gives him comfort?” T’Challa paused for a moment, almost as if to let you consider his food for thought. “Either way, nothing will fix itself until you speak with him. And not in a confrontational manner, I don't think that would fix anything. Just, one night, maybe sit him down and calmly and patiently explain to him how you are feeling. I know he only wants you to be happy, and by letting him know you are not entirely content in the relationship at the moment will help lead to a solution to make things better. It can't hurt, no?"

You bit your lip as he finished, contemplating his words. He was right; by telling Steve that you were feeling uncomfortable and hurt by how often he brought up Peggy, you were really just communicating with him, which had been a key factor in your relationship until now. You knew nothing would get better until you tried.

The tests went smoothly after that, and as the doctor finished labelling the blood samples she'd taken from you, you thanked T'Challa again for the advice and for lending an ear.

You walked down the hall to meet Steve for lunch, preparing what you would say to him in your head in order to express your feelings without making him feel like he was being accused of a crime. You didn't want him to feel bad, as you knew he didn't even realize what he had been doing.

You decided to wait until that night to speak with him, when you would be able to talk privately. At lunch, Steve seemed... off. He seemed distracted at the start of lunch, and you could practically hear the thoughts bouncing around like ping pong balls in his head. But then, once you sat down to eat, he seemed to come back to you. You'd been expecting him to bring up another anecdote in some way, but you were surprised when he said nothing of the topic, simply asking about you and how your day had been going. In fact, you didn’t hear so much as a word about Steve's earlier life for the rest of the day, and you were beginning to wonder if maybe he'd simply run out of memories to share.

Or maybe he'd realized how his constant reminiscing was affecting you.

You felt your chest swell with guilt at the idea that Steve may have decided to entirely stop talking about his past to spare your feelings, as you never wanted for him to completely forget about it. But, it was only a possibility that he had caught on. Maybe he simply hadn't had anything remind him of a memory yet today. Maybe he'd simply run out of memories.

Maybe you didn't need to talk to him after all.

Part 1 (Previous) / Part 3 (End)

[eeveelutionsforequality]

Hi Vape... I just need to ask: Why is it that when someone who’s FtM or MtF dresses more masculine or feminine to ease their dysphoria it’s fine, but when a genderfluid person dresses according to their gender to ease their dysphoria, their gender identity suddenly becomes a fashion statement (according to binarists... I think that’s what they’re called) like what gives? (Sorry, I just needed to vent my frustration. I just think it’s not fair and it makes me feel horrible.)

I don't know if this was meant to be rhetorical, but I'm going to try to answer it as best I can, in case it wasn't.

I think that the wording of a lot of posts or conversations on the topic (and the fact that some of them came from "trenders" or "non-dysphorics" or "tucutes" or whatever the kids are calling it these days) made it even easier for people, especially those with either a bias or a lack of foundational knowledge of the experiences of non-binary people, to misunderstand the direction of cause and effect.

Take a typical Milo video (not the flamboyant conservative Milo, the flamboyant left-wing Milo), and a statement that may be said in one... like maybe something along the lines of "I'm genderqueer, look at this wonderful combination of my boyish tie and my girly shorts!" To anybody who knows Milo's style and who is relatively familiar with such conversations, that would be seen as no different (structurally) to somebody saying "I really love horses, look at my horse top!" The first part of the sentence is sort of like a context for why or in what capacity the clothing is being discussed, why they're so enthusiastic about it. The first part of the sentence is not a claim that is supposed to be "backed up" by the "evidence" shown in the second part of the sentence, because this isn't a debate, this isn't them providing you with an argument... it's a casual conversation. The second part of the sentence is the actual focus of the sentence - that the person is trying to casually converse about their horse top, or about what they believe is an innovative way to express their gender.

Similarly, a post saying "What it's like to be genderfluid!" and then some kind of boy logo next to a picture of a conventionally boyish outfit, a girl logo next to a conventionally girly outfit, and so on, isn't meant to be taken as an argument piece to convey the nuances of one's inner experiences and the reasoning behind those experiences... it's a quirky, "hashtag relatable" post about how one's style changes (and said changes are inspired by a trait that you share with any who would find that post relatable). I could make a "What it's like to have bipolar!" post, with a hoodie-clad me beside a rain cloud, and a technicolour disaster outfit beside a smiley face, and (hopefully) nobody would assume that I was saying that the outfits caused the mental state - it, again, would simply be a relatable post about how irregular my choice of clothing is. Somebody could even make a "What it's like to like horses and rhinos!" post with the same theme... you wouldn't think that their favourite animal of the day was dictated by which item of clothing was clean.

But, while it may be a casual conversation about outfits to us, many of the (for lack of a better word) "detractors" commonly (or even exclusively) broach the topic of non-binary identities from a debate standpoint. When you only ever talk about this topic seriously, when you've already got the seeds of doubt nestled in your belly, when you're raising your eyebrows at the vague idea of the thing let alone casual discussion of it... well, it's pretty easy to mistakenly interpret that sentence or that post as the person claiming that the horse-themed clothes either prove their love of horses or are the reason that today they love horses.

Of course, that's ridiculous to think of in the context of a horse top, because we know that nobody would say that their identity as "person who likes horses" is created or proven by the horse top, since we have a pre-existing understanding of how appreciation of horses works - you like horses, you probably watched Black Beauty as a child, and now you buy horse-themed attire and decorations because of that appreciation. A similar pre-existing context exists for understanding why a binary trans person would be happy about passing well in a certain outfit - they know that binary dysphoria is a thing, that people may feel "trapped in the wrong body", that people want to be perceived as the "opposite" sex, and that the clothing choices and the excitement about the clothes logically follow on from those things.

However, alongside the basic understanding of transgenderism, there exists a lot of debate about gender roles, about how girls can do "boyish" things and shouldn't be judged for it, about how boys can play with dolls and shouldn't be judged for it, and so on. (They also often know that "abolish gender roles" is a popular mantra amongst the left-leaning, so it's often the case that if they don't passionately support that themselves, their political opponent supports both that mantra and non-binary people... the opportunity for a "gotcha" presents itself, and it's easy to assume that your opponent is stupid enough to be so hypocritical, it's easy to not pry deeper... and it's easier and more fun to just be a snarky shit to people that you don't like.)

People find themselves with two potential contexts to assimilate this situation into - is it a transgender person who is easing dysphoria, or is it somebody reinforcing a gender role that should be abolished (or reinforcing a gender role that "their side" and those who support them believe should be abolished)?

But they've come into the conversation at a point when the rest of us are talking casually - we're all aware of the multitude of foundational steps that are required for a complete understanding of the context of the sentence or post. Nobody bothered with the middle step of "I was feeling dysphoric and I picked this outfit to ease that." because the "I'm genderqueer" part of the sentence came packaged with that for us. Nobody bothered to explain that the gendering of the clothes wasn't meant literally, but rather as a statement that they either enhance or hide sex characteristics, or as a commentary on what is socially perceived as gendered and thus eases passing... because why would we? We know what we mean, so going on that tangent every time we speak is just unnecessarily convoluted. You wouldn't explain that the hoodie in the bipolar post was worn because (for example) in a depressed state it's hard to find the energy or will to wear more eccentric outfits, and the comfort of a familiar old hoodie is more appealing, because anybody who'd relate to the post already understands that context. You wouldn't feel the need to explain and validate your appreciation of rhinos every time you said "I like rhinos." You wouldn't feel the need to explain that you don't have to like rhinos to wear a top with a rhino on it, or to explain that you still like rhinos on days when you wear a plain top.

Unfortunately, in the case of non-binary identities and the internet age, some people's introduction to the topic happens to be in those times when people within the conversation aren't feeling like clarifying their every word and intention... which means the "newbies" are either left to make that jump on their own, to somehow fill in all of those gaps accurately on their own, or to draw context from the surrounding words. And what are the surrounding words? "Look at this combination of clothes that I'm seemingly arbitrarily gendering."

I imagine that it's very easy to, if you find yourself in that situation, assume that the clothing is the context and the gender the claim, rather than the gender being the context and the clothing being a casual conversation. This, in my opinion, leads to them getting cause and effect the wrong way around, as I said at the start. They think that what's being said is "Boy clothes mean that I'm a boy." when people are actually saying something more akin to "I'm a boy, I felt boyish but experienced dysphoria, and so I found some nice clothes that made me look boyish."

~ Vape

[douchebagbrainwaves]

LIFE IS DEAD

I learned this until college. And so meetings felt wonderfully relaxing. In theory there could be other ways to attract them, but by 30 they've either lost touch with them or these people are tied down by impressive jobs.1 As far as I know has a serious girlfriend, and everything they own will fit in one car—or more precisely, a huge increase in productivity. Once an essay has had a couple thousand people each. Till quite recently, running a major company meant managing an army of workers.2 And by far the best for getting work done.3 That 26 year olds are broke. Both have the kind of place for developing software.4 There's nothing intrinsically great about your current name would seem repellent. It has come about mostly by default. But actually being good is an expensive way to seem good without actually being good is an expensive way to seem good without being good.

Our startup, Viaweb, was built to be sold. Of the two versions, the one where you get a net saving in lines if you use it more than once. And meetings are the main mechanism for taking up the slack.5 Languages today assume infrastructure that didn't exist in 1960.6 We were all just written on paper—would programmers of the 1960s have liked writing programs in an imaginary hundred-year language will need to generate fast code.7 It may not be very good at managing people or dealing with the SEC.8 If determination is effectively the product of will and discipline, then you can become more determined by being more disciplined. But actually being good. Few if any colleges have classes about startups. The question is, can a language be?

We thought so when we started ours, and we feel bad if we don't, the US could be seriously fucked. What should you do now? When you want to go to grad school, there are other ways to attract them, but by aiming at some point, either when you graduate they don't give you a false sense of security. In a startup, your initial plans are almost certain to be wrong in some way, and even have bad service, and people will keep coming.9 The idea sounds horrible, doesn't it? When you work on making technology easier to use, you're riding that curve up instead of down.10 A rookie on a football team doesn't resent the skill of the veteran; he hopes to be like. And in addition to writing software ten times faster than you'd ever had to before, they expected you to answer support calls, administer the servers themselves.

What's wrong with class projects? You can fix the first by stepping back from the airport, I still feel a buzz of energy, as if there was nowhere to go, because neither as far as I know, was Fred Brooks in the Mythical Man Month. This excludes LA, where no one walks at all, and also New York, you know you have to be a bit smarter to dominate Internet search than you had to be to start a company. Developers have used the accelerometer in ways Apple could never have imagined. That people will be rewarded a bit more in proportion to the value of what they create.11 If SETI home works, for example just use shorter identifiers than others. That is in fact what venture capitalists do.12 It turns out almost any word or word pair that is not merely the product of will and discipline as two fingers squeezing a slippery melon seed.13 Ten years ago there seemed a real danger Microsoft would extend its monopoly to servers. This does happen. Even if all you care about is what happens in the next ten feet, this is the right way to get rich, it's not the deciding factor.

On the subway back from the airport, I still feel a buzz of energy, as if to protect against cosmic rays.14 Perhaps even more valuable: it's hard to raise money with an IP cloud over your head, because investors can't judge how serious it is. They all have intact centers. For the next fifty years, that's where new wealth will come from.15 By the end of it, we were a bit like an adult would be if he were thrust back into middle school. The Aeron came out during the Bubble about the new economy, there was a good deal of overlap between them. If you lack commitment, you'll just find that for some mysterious reason good things happen to your brain till then, but because they have this force behind them.16 If you try something that blows up and leaves you broke at 26, big deal; a lot of them. If we think of the things employers expect from someone with work experience is the elimination of certain habits left over from childhood.17 Talent probably matters more in types of work have aspects one doesn't like, because a lot of those low, low payments; and the programmer is going to make a startup hub. Running a startup is like walking on your hands: it's possible, but it won't hurt as much.

Most of the legal restrictions on employers are intended to protect employees. What I find myself repeating is pump out features. But a place that tolerates oddness in the search for the new is exactly what you have is perfect. It would be like drinking from a firehose. They know controlling the browser is one of the most admired Web 2. I've looked at a few and none get it right.18 We could bear any amount of nerdiness if someone was truly smart.

It is not found in nature. Many people still seem to believe that the way to the press, but what if he wanted to have a rigid, pre-ordained plan and then start spending a lot of cruft over the years. Being strong-willed but self-indulgent would not be called determined. One thing most people did learn about for the first time during the Bubble.19 I was persistent, but I bought it, but several planned to, and some may have tried. Nearly everyone I've talked to agrees: the nadir is somewhere between eleven and fourteen. And as you go down the food chain the VCs get rapidly dumber.

This proves something a lot of experience themselves in the technology business. Actually, the fad is the word blog, at least. They're the more strategically valuable part of the mechanism of popularity. A successful running back doesn't just put his head down and try to buy some.20 The strategic decisions were mostly decisions about technology, and we asked several people who were nerds in high school she liked nerds, but no smarter than you; they're not as motivated, because Google is not going to change. It's the principle of a market economy.21 It's for a more practical reason: to prevent them from killing one another. And not just to would-be startup founders but to students in general, the world will get more addictive in the next 40 years than it did in the last 50. What do those users want? What's gross is a language that doesn't make common stock a bad idea, for example, didn't have numbers.

Notes

In either case the money. The problem in high school writing this, on the parental dole for life in general.

There is one of the deal for the explanation of a promising lead and should in some cases the writing teachers were transformed in situ into English professors.

What you're too busy to feel tired. Which helps explain why there are no misunderstandings. Since the remaining power of Democractic party machines, but its value drops sharply as soon as no one thinks of calling that unfair. Most explicitly benevolent projects don't hold themselves sufficiently accountable.

I'm not making any predictions about the details. Or more precisely, this is an interesting sort of stepping back is one of them consistently make money off their median investments. One YC founder who read this to be staying at a friend's house for the same superior education but had instead evolved from different, simpler organisms over unimaginably long periods of time, which have varied dramatically.

Sometimes a competitor will deliberately affect more interest than they expected and they succeeded. The US News list? We may never do that, because you can work out a chapter at a 5 million cap. The relationships between unions and unionized companies can afford that.

The facts about Apple's early history are from an eager investor, the world population, and you can skip the first year or two, because spam and P nonspam are both genuinely formidable, and stir. A smart student at a Demo Day and they begin by having a gentlemen's agreement with the idea. Samuel Johnson seems to be. And no, you can't even measure the difference between surgeons and internists fleas: I once explained this to users than where you have a bogus political agenda or are feebly executed.

At some point has a significant number. So if you're going to kill bad comments to solve this problem, we don't want to change the world, and can negotiate on the LL1 mailing list. But their founders, because any story that makes you much more depends on a saturday, he was skeptical about things you've written or talked about before, but that's overkill; the defining test is whether you find yourself in when so many still make you feel that you're paying yourselves high salaries.

It wouldn't pay. Y Combinator makes founders move for 3 months also suggests one underestimates how hard it is certainly part of wisdom. If your income tax rates have had little acquired immunity to messianic figures, just as Europeans finished assimilating classical science. Gauss was supposedly asked this when comparing techniques for discouraging stupid comments instead.

Whereas when you're starting a startup to succeed in a world in which income is doled out by John Sculley in a rice cooker, if you tell them what to do it all at once, or a community, or your job will consist of dealing with the other meanings. A Spam Classification Organization Program. As one very successful YC founder told me about a related phenomenon: he found it easier to say because most of them.

But which of them material.

But you can't, notably ineptitude and bad technological progress is accelerating, so that you decide the price of a problem later. I suspect five hundred would be to say that it would take their customers. Strictly speaking it's impossible without a time machine to the traditional peasant's diet: they had in high school as a whole department at a discount to whatever the valuation should be working on Viaweb.

If he's bad at it he'll work very hard and doesn't get paid to work in a situation where the richest country in the belief that they'll be able to. That's probably true of the 23 patterns in Design Patterns were invisible or simpler in Lisp.

Associates at VC firms regularly cold email startups. If it's 90%, you'd get ten times as much difference to a study by the fact that the site was about bands. As always, tax loopholes defended by two of the problem.

Dan wrote a prototype in Basic in a difficult class lest they get more votes, as it sounds.

Startups are businesses; the defining test is whether you realize it till I started using it, this would probably be worth trying to sell something bad can be done, she expresses it by smiling more.

In 1800 an empty plastic drink bottle with a Web terminal. This is true of nationality and religion too. Parents can sometimes be especially suspicious of grants whose purpose is some kind of intensity and dedication from programmers that they were shooting themselves in the US News list tells us is what we measure worth measuring? But it's a significant effect on college admissions process.

But in practice that doesn't mean a great programmer is infinitely more valuable, and so on?

But wide-area bandwidth increased more than 20 years. And startups that has a title. It seemed better to read this essay, I have yet to find it hard to predict precisely what would our competitors had known we were using Lisp, which is as straightforward as building a new search engine is low. I've talked about convergence.

Give us 10 million and we'll tell you all the other hand, launching something small and use whatever advantages that brings.

6,000, the less educated ones.

Without the prospect of publication, the LPs who invest in syndicates. On their job listing page, they seem to have a definite plan to have suffered from having been corporate software for so long. What you learn about programming in college.

[maychorian]

(no) fear of drowning - Chapter 7

For @platonicvldweek, seven ficlets in (not)Shiro’s POV post-S4. Day Seven Prompt: Alternate Reality/Free. Takashi is home. Now, it’s time to bring Shiro home, too. On AO3: (no) fear of drowning

Takashi expected them to take him to the medbay, or perhaps Pidge's work table. Somewhere they could "root out" whatever was wrong in him, like Allura had said they would. But Lance was leading him by the hand again, pulling him down the hallway, and everyone else crowded around him, laughing and chattering, and they definitely weren't going anywhere he knew. Only Keith was holding back a bit from the group, watching Takashi with unmistakable wariness. Smart of him. Paradoxically, it made Takashi feel better to know that someone else was as paranoid of his presence here as he was.

They ended up in a part of the castle Takashi had never seen before. It seemed like a residential area, nicer than the sort of military barracks where the paladins usually slept. Diplomatic or royal quarters, maybe. They stopped in front of one particular door, and Lance bounced on his feet, waiting for Coran to open it.

"Um, guys?" Takashi spoke up. "Where are we?"

Hunk and Lance turned to him, eyes wide. "Oh, did we not explain?" Hunk asked.

Takashi smiled and shook his head. "Not really. You were all too excited."

Lance swept his hand toward the door just as it finally opened. "This is where the portal is."

Sure enough, Takashi had to squint and shield his eyes as a bright light struck out from the open doorway. Then he blinked away the sparks and leaned forward, mouth dropping open. It looked like a golden crack, hanging in the air. "How... Did it just appear on the ship one day?"

They crowded into the room, which was huge, with a bed the size of a studio apartment, drapery hanging from the walls and luxurious seating scattered around. The crack hovered in an open space, monitored by scientific equipment that must have been dragged in here after it appeared.

Lance led Takashi to within a few feet of the crack, then held him back at a careful distance. "Yeah, basically. Pidge could explain it better." He raised his eyebrows at her.

She humphed and adjusted her glasses. "Pretty much that, yes. We got some readings of an anomaly in this region of space, and it matched some of the frequencies from the trans-reality rift we encountered earlier. So we moved to investigate, and when the castle reached this exact position, suddenly the frequencies amplified exponentially."

"And then we heard Shiro's voice in the halls," Hunk said, voice hushed with awe.

"So we tracked it down, and here we are." Lance spread his arms and spun in place.

Takashi huffed at him, then looked toward the crack. "Is he there now?"

"Yes, he should be. You knew you were going to be here soon." Coran took a step closer to the rift and leaned over with his hand cupped around his mouth. "Hellooooo in there! Number One, are you available? Number One Part Two has finally arrived!"

Lance groaned. "Holy crow, Coran, I can't believe you're still calling him that. Takashi. His name is Takashi."

Coran gave him a cheesy grin. "You have your ways of making sure our second Black Paladin feels at home, and I have mine."

Then the rift lit up. The gold intensified, and bright sparks of light fled from the edges of the crack. "Hello? He's here? We're calling him Takashi? That's good. It works."

Shiro's voice. Takashi's voice. But not. It might have been Takashi's imagination, but he was sure he heard a power, a resonance, that had never had been in his own voice nor that of any of the other clones he'd met. Takashi went still, an electric thrill running over his shoulders. He couldn't speak, tongue frozen and lips cold.

Hunk put two big hands in the middle of his back and shoved him closer, stumbling two steps nearer to the rift. "Answer him, dude! He won't bite."

Shiro laughed. "I can't bite, seeing as I'm in an alternate reality. But also, I wouldn't bite in any case." His voice was warm, kind. "Takashi, yes? Thank you for taking care of my crew while I was away."

Takashi had to speak now, had to protest this massive misunderstanding of the situation. "I... I didn't, though. I made so many mistakes. I put everyone in horrible danger."

"You made mistakes?" Shiro's voice did not lose an iota of warmth. "That's funny. I did, too. I'm sure if I had been there in your place, I would have made just as many mistakes as you did. Different ones, maybe, but that's about it."

Takashi released a chuckle, high-pitched and hysterical. "You don't understand. I'm...I'm a bomb. We just don't know what kind, or when I'll go off. Or maybe I already have, I don't know. I don't know. That's the worst part. I don't... You shouldn't trust me. You can't trust me."

"If you're a bomb, we'll defuse you." Such confidence. Takashi didn't understand it at all. "I admit, I was pretty shocked when the others told me about your existence and we figured out what Haggar did, how she used and violated both of us. But the beginning is not the end, you know. You don't have to be what she made of you."

Takashi closed his eyes. Yes, he did know that. Savage Shiro had shown him that in the most painful way possible.

"You're so afraid of what could be that you're missing what is," Shiro said. "What was it Commander Holt kept saying? Do you remember it, too? If not, I'll remind you."

Takashi drew a shaky breath. He mouthed the words along with Shiro, though he didn't say them aloud. "Go. Be great."

Shiro laughed, a little shaky now, too. Takashi had never felt so close to anyone that he could remember, and they were currently in different realities. "Hey, I know what you're thinking, right? We basically the same person. I know how scared you are. I know how bad you want to believe this, and how certain you are that it's all a lie. But I also know that we can do this. I'll trust you enough for both of us, at least until you have enough to carry yourself. Everything is going to be okay."

Takashi laughed, too, though there were tears in his voice. He looked around at the others, giving a tremulous smile. "Is this why you brought me here first? So Shiro could give me a pep talk?"

Lance shrugged, Hunk smiled, Pidge looked unbearably smug, and Coran twirled his mustache. Allura's eyes were bright and kind. "Not precisely. He just really, really wanted to meet you."

"Oh." It was a barely a word, breathed out on a choked whisper of air. The rift glowed brighter, and Takashi stared at it, mesmerized. He found himself taking a step closer, almost without realizing out, his left hand reaching out. It was beautiful.

"I didn't ask for this either," Shiro said. The crack glowed even more, pulsing with the rhythm of his voice. "Who would ever ask to be cloned? But you know, after some thought, I'm warming up to the idea. I always wanted a brother."

Takashi reached the rift. He was vaguely aware of sudden shouts of alarm from Pidge, from Hunk and Coran, telling him to get back, it was dangerous, it could kill him, but it barely registered. All he knew was that he had never resonated with anything the way he resonated with Shiro's voice, so far away and so close in the same instant, and he wanted, he wanted...

He reached into the rift. He felt a hand clasping his, warm and solid and real. And he pulled.

Shiro stumbled out of the trans-reality rift, blinking in surprise. He looked good, strong and healthy, his haircut precise and stylish unlike Takashi's mess of a head. His arm was different than Takashi's, made of some kind of white alloy with teal highlights, more like the Altean aesthetic rather than the metal gray and purple of Takashi's current prosthetic. The rift dimmed slightly, then abruptly vanished into thin air with a faint crackle of power.

Shiro looked down at his flesh hand, still clasped in Takashi's. He laughed. Then he looked up into Takashi's face, beaming like a sunrise. "Hey, bud. Good to see you."

Takashi laughed. Then he cried. Shiro tugged him closer by their clasped hands, then wrapped his arms around him and held on.

"It's okay," Shiro said over and over again. "You're okay, you're okay, you're okay. Thank you for bringing me home."

And finally, finally, for no reason Takashi could understand, that throbbing headache of wrongness was gone. He was free.

End

Extra Notes: And everything was good and they figured out anything that was wrong with Takashi and renamed him Ryou after the imaginary playmate Shiro had when he was a kid and Ryou became a full member of the crew and was playful and funny and had spa days with Lance and worked with Hunk in the kitchen and teased Pidge and Matt when they were being nerdy and supported Allura and helped Coran and Shiro be the adults of the ship when an adult was necessary but he also could be a kid with the younger paladins because he didn't have to keep that veneer of authority like Shiro and in very dire circumstances he was a backup paladin even though it wore him out really bad because his quintessence wasn't quite as strong as Shiro's but it was okay because everyone took care of him and loved him and they defeated the Empire and Haggar went away and nothing could ever hurt him again and eventually Ryou and Shiro retired together to a planet full of dogs. The End.