#in case people need triggers
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Caitlyn's slow but inevitable decline into facism was painful to watch but it's Vi's tacit support of that that REALLY hurts me.
Cait was raised at the top of the hierarchy and it only took her being the one 'in danger' to flip from sympathetic to the undercity to desperately angry and wanting to return to the status quo where she and piltover are in power/control/oppress the weak 'for their own good.' I expected this to happen from the moment her rhetoric began to shift (us vs them, calling Zaunites animals, general dehumanisation.)
Vi knows that the issue is structural and the structure that's used to exercise violence against the oppressed is the enforcers, yet she still joined them anyway. It's excellent writing but the implications that has for her as a character who has been shown to have strong convictions and morals is so heartbreaking. It feels like her years in prison have eroded at the heroic spark in her to the point where she'll justify anything to return to the past. I keep asking myself how Vi could justify using The Grey as a weapon against the undercity, and her parotting what is probably Caitlyn's justification - that they used it to clear the streets and keep as many safe as possible - just rings so hollow. She felt like a lost soul just vaguely drifting through life in Act 1, and of course she did. She has no one left BUT Caitlyn. She has no place in the Undercity because it grew away from her. Her base of motivation as a kid was to fight for and protect the Lanes and now that the Lanes are gone who even is Violet anymore? If only she could rewind time and restore the uncomfortable uneven past.
Vi and Cait are actually the same person, the only difference is that Caitlyn has the power to enact her vision and Vi doesn't. I'm so sore.
#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#caitvi#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#meta#i want to say i stand with my cancelled wife#because i do love caitlyn#but her rise into dictatorship is so hard to reconcile with any other portrayal of her#i also do not think we should be attributing as much to Ambessa's influence as we are#yes Cait is grieving and seeking a mother figure and she's young#but her backslide into the Piltover way of thinking has been developing all along#she's the one who of her own volition took the Kirraman legacy of clean air and weaponised it#anyways idk how caitvi will reconcile but I'm so worried they'll both be worse off for it as people#ethically speaking#and Vi isn't innocent either i still remember her rebuke of Jayce wrt the child he accidentally killed#and her hair trigger temper#gosh they all need therapy and societal restructuring#best case scenario Zaun becomes independent and Piltover has to pay reparations but#yeah idk
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I remember that school had unintentionally conditioned me to be excited for 9/11 because if it were on a school day every class would be talking about it instead of work.
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KILL!!!!!!!!!
#my post#this is so mean. why did i make this#but also....... the gun is in your hands now#i'll admit that it's my fault for putting the gun in your hand... however i've no say in what you choose to do with it#will you pull the trigger and accept whatever happens from now on? will you give yourself into the role forced upon you?#no one will know anything if you don't say anything. there will be no consequences or repercussions to this choice#but you will know. and you will need to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life#a gun not fired is like an itch not stratched#in the end i have no control over what you do... but free will is a funny thing#the brain is very susceptible to suggestion... everything we see and experience will remain with us in some way#if that's the case then how much control do we really have in our lives? how do we separate what we really want vs what we're told to want?#things like hunger... desire... they're all things the body asks for. but are they things that we truly want?#or are they merely a mechanism built into us for the sake of survival?#everything blends into everything. your past actions will inform your current actions. you're the only one who's ever lived your life#you're the only one who will ever live your life#little variables and experiences we all share... but the order varies greatly from person to person. everything is just a series of events#the way i see the world is different than the way you see it regardless of how similar they are#what choice will you make now? and how does it differ from the choice you would've made a week ago? a month? a year? does it differ at all?#does free will truly exist? i think it does... but not in the way most people think it exists#you and i... we might differ on that thought. or we might not.#regardless of whatever i've been rambling about right now... refusing to make a choice is still a choice you make. life is ironic like that#does one of them really have to go? that's for you to decide now#i've merely chosen to put the gun in your hand. to make you aware of the possibilities#so i hope you realize what power your choices have#dca fandom#daycare attendant#yeah sometimes i just say things that i think are deep but they're really not#i hope the choices i make have an effect on others. even if it's just one person...#if i can make even just one person think about something they wouldn't have normally thought about then isn't that a win?#life is a series of choices... ''it'd be great if you could see a figure of light by the time you die'' ♡
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in other news, i recently got a bone marrow biopsy and got diagnosed with MPD !!!!!! so i've been trying to find ways to distract myself until my appointment in november to find out what we do now !!
#my friends and famiyl always joke about how im like 60 years old and of course...#i have a disorder that only typically occurs in people over 60 lol#i have to make jokes about it to make it less scary but the good news is my doctor said its not cancer so!#grateful for that....#personal#im not sure what to tag this is as just in case it can be triggering for people ;; please let me know if u need it tagged!!
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im watching this video (although im unlikely to finish it bc i just really disagree) about a study that seems to suggest trigger warnings Don't Work, and in this psych's own words are somewhat inimical to getting better because, like, exposure helps and you can't have the choice to avoid your triggers in the real world and blah blah blah
and i think that one of the issues here that i'm shocked doesn't really get brought up is that all triggers for all conditions are not made equal. you would think this is an easy concept but no.
like, some triggers are like, yeah. you actually cannot avoid this thing and trying to is just going to cause more problems in your life, even if it's painful to be exposed to it at first. stuff like really common names or particular common articles of clothing or whatever. you unfortunately have to deal, eventually, because these sorts of things are difficult to warn for and nearly ubiquitous. i've had these kinds of triggers before.
others are like. when the fuck am i going to encounter this aside from in fiction or maybe on the news? like, i have a choking trigger bc i was choked once. what fucking universe do you think i live in where i need to be prepared to see choking at all times because it's unavoidable? do people strangle each other to death every time you go to the grocery store???? what the fuck? the only time i ever see this shit is on tv or in erotica, in which case it is kind of on me that i chose to watch star wars or read a bodice ripper and stepping away does me no real harm or major inconvenience. what real life situation would possibly necessitate i not be warned for that short of getting violently attacked again? huh???
so like, i understand the attitude being "you shouldn't practice avoidance of men with brown hair" but don't understand the attitude being "you shouldn't practice avoidance of graphic violent imagery." why on earth do i need to see the second thing for any reason. what the fuck do you think happens out of doors
#like you genuinely do get to choose whether you engage with certain things#why would avoidance be bad if you have no legitimate need or reason to engage with a certain thing#thats not to say that one shouldnt ever work on those things either. frankly i am working on it bc i like edgy media too much lol#it's more i guess like. why do you think i shouldn't have the choice to see that or not?#it is not necessary to see. i very much do have a choice#people without that trigger also have the exact same choice#so why is it that when i make it suddenly the argument is THE REAL WORLD DOESNT LET YOU CHOOSE#like...it does? i do get to choose actually. unless as i said im being attacked again in which case i have bigger issues
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My newest foster, Trickle.
#named because she trickles pus and ooze from her skin#due to the severe case of untreated mange#i was going to put a trigger warning#for idk animal abuse or something#but she doesn't need a warning#she needs people to see her#because she is an angel and has never done anything wrong in her life#which makes her situation all the more horrifying#people suck#and we dont deserve dogs#but i will try my best to at least trick her into believing not all people suck#trickle#fosters
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omg guys proshipper isn't "basic dni criteria", like that list is supposed to represent actual irl issues(*), not some 2020 internet discourse. you guys are so annoying like if you're uncomfortable interacting with proshippers i understand and respect it, although you probably have a very twisted idea of what the word means (would make a separate post abt it but there are hundreds already). but please don't equate it to actual crimes. (*)also do you seriously think that a bigot troll is going to read your dni and be magically expelled from your strong aura. if anything it's going to make them want to harass you more. it's obvious that those lists are just a pose like "if i don't put racists dni they're gonna think i'm racist" NO aaagh you don't have to over-specify(?) everything about you when interacting online can we please go back to being normal istg. reject modernity embrace not writing a dni list and just blocking people like a normal person <3
#tsun.txt#also ppl who write all their triggers and traumas are you fr that too is going to make it easier for trolls to harass you#children need to learn basic internet safety etc etc#i needed to vent bc i've been on toyhouse and i'm SO tired of everyone using the “warning” tab for fucking dni's#come and block me yourself bitch. the warning is supposed to be info about what could trigger ME.#BRO i just remembered once i was looking at the artists that were going to attend a con and one of them had fucking proship dni in their bi#like IMAGINE limiting your sales bc you care about what other people like to read?? i'm going to put fucking. idk. team kira dni.#also i sometimes go to cons as an artist too. imagine if i got placed next to that person#what do they want me to do? them: “hey can you move your chair a little” me: ignoring them bc i read their dni#it's INSANE#not @ me being paranoid abt ppl cancelling me for this post despite having like +300 blocked accounts#but i'm coming out (?) as a non-harasser. like i don't even use the word profiction. i'd rather call myself normal.#i sound like those people who're like my pronouns are nor/mal but FR this used to be the norm in fandoms *sob*#also ppl online are limiting their interactions for not wanting me to reblog their art but okay#in MY case i'm hella limiting my interactions for not wanting to be harassed. we're not the same.#i be like why does this have so few notes *has half the fandom blocked*#and ppl probably wouldn't even notice bc most of what i post is wholesome but then i write textposts like this. better safe than sorry#discourse
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does this make sense does this make sense at all where am i yeas im grasping at straws let me have this
#31 minutos#i know im gonna be deleting this shit cause it feels personal idk#but i need people to think about it. think about it girl....#i think tulio bodoque and juanin ALL need to go to therapy so bad like so so bad cant stand it#i have bpd btw in case the thing at the top didnt clarify that#so not trying to pull a “this guy did shitty things he has bpd”#one of the parts of this looks janky cause i covered up cause i thought it could be triggering
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Once again I read fanfiction that seems to have been precisely written to deal psychic damage to me.
#this is about viridian the green guide. you guys actually read this slop?#boring as shit writing#awful plot lines (trigger has been resolved get new material#excessive use of italics and ‘problem child’. has the author heard anyone use a nickname irl ever#I hate bakugou slightly less than I hate Deku but even I could tell they suck at writing him#skipped over a few chapters because the writing was melting my brain but he would never be that condescending to himself#who the hell thinks ‘I’ve decided to not be an asshole’ with total seriousness#back to the bad plot lines. endeavor *checks notes* becomes a nomu and dies? I know the author nerfed everyone in the ground to match Deku#but wtf was the idea here#most successful cases in Japan and the strongest fire quirk ever (besides Dabi) and he gets treated like fodder?#there’s a certain childish canadence fanfiction writers type in when discussing ideas with others and the whole fic reeks of it.#the general easy going and generic aura vtgg emanates makes it even more insufferable#yeah insufferable is definitely the one word to describe this fic#original fic is ass and it only popularized the concepts. now you have even more bad writers speedrunning terrible concepts#it’s two am so this might not makes sense but whatever. not tagging this as mha because there are a lot of people who like this thing.#also fuck fics with love interests who were pretty happy in canon but actually have two thousand problems in fics#rant#anyways! I need to check into my games#I need to find the fic summarized so I can properly write my fanfic bashing vigilante/quirkless aus. barely any difference anyways.
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Small headcanon that might be a bit weird since it's based on a problem I have.
Leo regularly just forgets to eat. No angsty or sad reason, he just forgets. Even worse, when he realizes this, he usually only has, like a couple toqitoes to make up for it instead of a proper meal.
Raph, Mikey, and Donnie all yell at him for it, especially Mikey, who is very willing to make an entire gourmet meal for him and force him to eat it.
(I'm 90% sure the reason why I forget to eat is just that my AuDHD makes it hard for me to tell when I'm hunger until I'm practically starving.)
#rottmnt#im worried people are gonna judge me for this one#but this is tumblr and i need to shoot that fear down#tw eating disorder#eating disorder#just in case this triggers anyone#tw eating issues
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OK, so I haven't seen anyone talk about this, so I will.
So, we know in the new spin off Sean has his locs now!!! Seeing as the spin off takes place before the events of TMF, we can safely assume he had them the whole time, just due to gacha life barely having any nonstraight hairstyles he couldn't have them before
And while everyone's happy, I haven't seen anyone talk about Lia.
Lia. Lia's still got straight hair.
We know Lia, at one point, changed herself and pretended to be someone she wasn't for the sake of being popular, for the sake of people liking her. It was first revealed in the eighth episode - when Hailey told her:
"at least I didn't become a jerk just to please other people."
Which... Seemed to get to her.
We all know she used to be friends with Hailey. Not just from that piece of dialogue, but also during Hailey's song in the same episode, we have w quick shot which shows middle school her and Lia walking together in the hall, only Lia is wearing a simpler outfit, and her hair isn't straightened, furthermore suggesting that she did, in fact, change herself to be liked by Zoey, to be popular.
So, we know her personality, and possibly fashion as well, is primarily a facade she carried to be liked. And, now that we see her with her hair still straightened, despite rosyclozy having the ability to give her natural hair, we can assume she is straightening it to fit In, since the vast majority of rose meadow high consists of white people with straight hair
I'm not sure if the show is gonna really touch upon the subject of racism, or how well it would do in the first place, but this could very well be subtle commentary on how black people can be pressured into straightening their hair, due to natural black hair still being viewed as "unkempt" or "unprofessional" or "undesirable" by some...
And I'm not saying that every single black person that straightens their hair is doing it out of insecurity. But seeing as Lia's whole character is about someone who changed themselves in order to fit in, it does seem to fit her character...
Now, as of the finale, Lia kick-started her redemption arc that should carry on further into S2. She ditched Zoey and Maria, and by association the dromies as well, so we can see that she is on her way to becoming her own person again, and not having to care what people may think about her. And I can't wait!!! And, as she learns to love and accept herself more for who she is rather than what specific people think about her, she could also potentially stop straightening her hair (that is if she was doing it to fit in)
Idk how to end this lol
But yeah. Live laugh lia!!!!
#btw im not black so i dont personally know what it's like#I'm mostly basing this off of stories ive hear people share about them#in case Lia is straightening her hair for yhe sake kf conformity i really hope she learns to love her hair in the upcoming season#and love all parts kf herself#jf i sajd anything wrong or off pls correct me!! theres stikl and always a LOT i need to learn#but yeah ig my hc of her straightening her hair to fit in js probably proven right#tmf#the music freaks#freakblr#tmf lia#lia tmf#the music freaks lia#lia the music freaks#uhhhh should i add any tws? for like mentions of how racism can lead people to be insecure and chabge themselves?#since it might be a triggering topic for some#idk u tell me
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thinking of dave and henry's relationship again that shit is so fucking well written i hope that hound got mad sloppy toppy for that one
#luly talks#triggers my ptsd so fucking bad love this game 👍👍👍#but like god. people usually tend to write Dave as hating Henry or something else which is fair but thing is. he loves herny#even after he killed Henry WHICH MIND YOU MATTERS VERY LITTLE DAVE ALSO KILLED JACK A FEW TIMES AND EACH TIME HE WAS LIKE hey sportsy ^_^#<- refering to dsaf 2 where you can pick the endings from 1 yknow#like i really want an indepth exploration of these conflicting emotoins bc it really is like that#you never 100% hate your abusive parental figure at first bc there's this.#im not speaking any further i already had tummy issues yesterday i dont need to touch my trauma ✋#but i rest my case it's an incredibly well written abusive relationship that makes me sick to the head#dsaf
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any off server that has a weird and unnecessary list of triggers you HAVE to censor. i can understand things like gore or organs needing to be censored but literal franchises? food?? be ffr
.
#yes and no#I understand everything on the planet can be a trigger.#I don't like Crash Bandicoot being brought up for example#and I understand why people would find that weird. But I have my own reasons#but in the case of food triggers#I've heard it doesn't help at all people w/ED's since it just creates even more aversion to food#Just be respectful to people please#The same goes the other way around. People with uncommon triggers need to be a little self aware too
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#5 weeks since nearly going through with another attempt#nearly 5 years since the last one landed me in the hospital#3 years without sh#lets keep those numbers going up#frustrating that one of them got restarted from years to weeks but still here to watch it go back up#also my therapist is aware so im getting the help i need so nobody worry#but also yikes the fact that i very nearly attempted a month ago and now This#fuck haha#im not going to do it but tagging regardless#keeping people who might be triggered by my mentions of not doing it safe#just in case#tw sh in tags#tw sui implied#tw sui talk#tw sui ideation
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things that really suck: when a fucked up fictional dynamic is genuinely upsetting to you in a way that'd normally be much easier to engage with and process if you dead doved it, except the ship in question has been ruined for you by Bad Associations so that is a no-go and you're left to deal with the upsetting shit raw. ugh
#whosebaby talks#personal stuff#people try to claim Shipping Bad Things(tm) is self-harm and i'm like man in my case that is the literal exact opposite of the truth#dead doving triggering fictional stuff i'm trying to process is a near instant release valve to make it less of an emotional minefield#and i feel the lack of that safety valve *keenly* when i need to engage with something in fiction to process it#and would be greatly helped in the long run by doing so; but i'm either not *interested* in shipping it#or it's been ruined for me in a way that i really am not ready to reclaim yet if ever; and would do me more harm than good if i tried#i have to be so *so* much more careful and it is *so* much easier for it to tip over into self-harm without rigorous work and safety nets#especially if the framing of the fucked up dynamic is awful in canon#it is still definitely possible for something i'm dead doving to be Too Much and in need of a time out#or to be a thing i am just squicked/triggered by in such a way that dead doving it would not help#but my threshold for the former is W A Y higher; and it is so much easier for me to identify the latter in comparison#anyway yeah i have feelings about the whole thing and it is a real damn shame when this happens. sighs
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✨️Magenta✨️
#I've been really sad lately#its logical I've had a lot happen and a lot going on#and I've been mostly bedridden the past week cause of fibro flares#my brain can see the logic of why my body feels burnt out and why i feel anxious#but i also have this profound sense of loneliness that's been weighing on my chest#I feel the need to isolate and get away from people because it feels like it doesn't matter how much i try to blend in someone#will catch onto me being an “alien” or not quite fitting their mold or having a difference of opinion and i get bullied or ostracized#out of participating with folks or doing activities#and i get so overwhelmed by people and their literal energy/vibes that it feels as though I'm caught in a sneaker wave and being pulled#from shore and this is compounded on top of that feeling of being surrounded by people like tons of them who may even enjoy your company#but still feel very much isolated and alone the whole time#it could be winter triggering trauma responses in me due to childhood abuse related to the holidays#and then there's me trying to brainstorm how i can make money with my creativity when i have little to no help with anyone#and no one will give me a chance to bounce ideas and get a third persons opinion#its felt like this since i can remember: people value that i listen and reflect all the while show compassion#and then when i really need it myself and attempt to reach out i get the door shut in my face#it feels like the only people that have truly listened to me are therapists lmao and it hurts cause its like i gotta pay someone#just to listen to me go off on this idea i have for a side hustle a creative pursuit something i love#and i can't really share that with anyone irl because I'm supposed to be everyones therapist#and its shitty i dont get paid for it if thats the case lol#i feel like tumblr is the only spot I really have where i can share a lot of myself and make things that make others and myself happy#i don't know what id do without it#magenta is my safe word for venting#thanks for coming to my tedtalk as i write into the void#getting shit off my chest at 4am#i aint gettin no sleep cause of yall yall not gon get no sleep cause of meeee
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