#in case its not obvious i had a friend group in college that was miserably annoying about astrology and it probably made me more negative

[exo-s-victory-lap]

My toxic trait is hating astrology

[skeletonscribbles]

I'M SO GREEDY, I WANNA REQUEST SO MANY. Reddie #11, or #9. Whichever you prefer. :D

I will fill ANY request for you, my beautiful friend. You’re never greedy - just say the word.

I got another request for #9, so this one is straight #11 - “you owe me a kiss” ;)(the rest of the prompts are here in case anyone is wondering/has a request)

I call her: not just a river in egypt…and here she is

I’m not like that.

Those four words had become the mantra of Richie Tozier’s high school experience.

I’m not like that.

His parents wanted him to go to college. Wentworth was specifically interested - seemed to think that Richie was similar enough to him that dentistry was on the table as a potential career option for his son.

Dentistry was NOT on the table - or in the kitchen, or even in the basement of Richie’s mind. No career was, really. All he wanted to do was tell jokes and listen to the radio. There wasn’t a major for that, or even a school, in spite of the fact that his grades were pretty uniformly excellent.

I’m not like that.

Even shittier than Went’s dentistry bid was the fact that because he was decent at school, his teachers kept trying to nominate him for stuff, or pull him aside and lecture him on his potential. Mrs. Campanella, his English language and literature teacher, told him that his essays were good enough to submit for scholarships or other prizes, and Mr. Browne, his chemistry teacher, wanted him to join the track team to get him to, quote unquote, let some excess energy out instead of bringing it all to class. Richie had thanked Mr. Browne, given him two middle fingers, and then skipped his class for the next week and a half. He still had a 96 average for the quarter, and a 98 for the year.

I’m not like that.

Finally, and maybe most importantly, there was the tiny, miniscule, all-encompassing matter of his love-life.

Well, actually, it was more of a “lack thereof” situation. Richie hadn’t had a crush on a girl since the middle of ninth-grade, and it was freaking him the fuck out.

For the first four months of his high school existence, he’d been completely, utterly, and irrevocably in love with Brenda Arrowsmith. She was the sun, the moon, the stars, and most notably, the girl in their grade whose tits had developed first. It was only natural that Richie’s feelings would follow.

After the six-thousandth time that Brenda rejected his attempts to talk to her in the hallways before school (or at lunch, or in study hall), though, he figured that the tits weren’t worth it. He didn’t really know her anyway, he reasoned. She was probably a bitch, or she didn’t brush her teeth…or both, or some other gross thing, who was to say. It took him a couple of months, but by February, he was good and over Brenda - and if he still stopped to check her out every once in a while, it was out of artistic appreciation, nothing more.

After that, he’d elected to spend most of his time with his friends, because he knew them, he loved them, and they were more than enough to occupy his interest until (he figured) the next girl came along.

He hadn’t banked on the next girl taking so long. It was more than two years later now, and the fabled next girl still had yet to show. It was enough to make any man a little desperate, and Richie was no exception to that rule - his poor hormones were being neglected entirely.

It stood to reason, then, that the current confusion was probably hormonal payback for the last two years of dry spell. (That was what Richie was adamantly trying to tell himself, anyway.)

It was late June, and junior year had just wrapped up. The Losers had long since completed their second-to-last school supply dumping, complete with a run-in with Belch Huggins, and had moved on to their usual summer routines: either crashing at the Hanscoms’, cruising through downtown Derry and complaining about having nothing to do, or laying out in the sunshine at the quarry. Today had been a long day of quarry-ing, and Richie knew for a fact that he was sunburnt as shit. His body was already starting that hot-cold weirdness that happened whenever he forgot to reapply sunscreen at least eight times.

He’d been a little too distracted to care about his skin.

They’d all been swimming in their underwear for years - since they were kids, they’d foregone bathing suits in favor of whatever it was they had under their clothes at the time. It used to be a matter of not knowing when they were going to make the trek down to the quarry, but now it was a collective courtesy to Ben, whose mother couldn’t afford to get him a suit that fit. They never talked about it, they just dutifully peeled off their clothes whenever they were headed for the water.

Richie had looked idly down the row of his friends before they launched themselves over the cliff, expecting the same boring mix of solid colored boxers and briefs, but had instead been hit straight-on with a startling sight, which cued up a startling remembrance.

Eddie’s mom didn’t know what size he was anymore.

Eddie had never been allowed to shop for his own clothes, and wouldn’t, ever, so long as he lived in Sonia’s house. The poor boy had been pleading with Richie to consider going to college with him for almost the entirety of junior year, because he desperately needed to escape from under his mother’s thumb and he didn’t want to do it alone. “Please, Rich,” he’d begged, “she doesn’t even know that I’ve grown three inches up and one out this year, and now all my pants are too small…”

He was right about that, and Richie had spent the last few months teasing him about seeing his ankles…but now that it was evident that Eddie’s pants weren’t the only articles of clothing that were too small on him, Richie, for once in his life, had no joke for the situation. Eddie’s briefs were tight - the waistband was cinched almost uncomfortably around his stomach, and the rest left very little to the imagination. It was nothing Richie hadn’t seen before, but for some reason, he couldn’t tear his eyes from where the faded fabric was stretched taut against….against….

No. No way. He wasn’t LIKE that.

Before he had time to thoroughly beat himself up for the thoughts he was having, he’d been shoved into the water by the quick hands of Stanley Uris, who tacked on a “Think fast!” about thirty seconds too late. The cold water did nothing to shock Richie out of his dilemma, and when he surfaced, spluttering, he’d felt a little bit like he was still drowning…only, different.

The rest of the day had been full of similar little moments - Eddie in the sunshine, glowing in the light, Eddie laughing at something Mike said (why Mike and not ME, Richie’s traitorous brain screamed), the softness of Eddie’s voice when he gently reminded Richie to reapply sunscreen on his shoulders, the care that Eddie took with each of his friends.

I’m not like that, I’m not like that, I’m not LIKE that–

“Richie?” Ben was standing over him, frowning at his shoulders with obvious concern. “You okay? You’ve been quiet…and I don’t know if anyone told you, but you’re starting to–”

“Beyond starting to burn, Benny boy,” Richie confirmed miserably. “Gonna be a regular Maine steamed lobster for the next few days. I’ll be by in the morning to wrap myself in blankets and hide myself on your couch while the rest of you watch An Officer and a Gentleman a-fucking-gain…”

“Bev’s coming, you ass,” Ben reminded him, nudging him a little with his foot. “She hasn’t seen it yet - and it’s one of my favorites.”

Richie rolled his eyes. “Sap.”

“Don’t blame me for your lack of taste,” Ben tutted, shaking his head. “I asked if everything was okay.”

Ben punctuated his question by looking over at where Eddie was examining rocks with Bill, Mike, and Stan, and oh, fuck no. Sometimes Ben’s all-knowing attitude towards the relationship dynamics of their group was awesome…and sometimes it was actually the worst.

“I’m great,” Richie said loudly, glaring furiously up at Ben. “Hungry as fuck, though. I’ll kiss the next person that offers me a bite to eat, I swear to fucking–”

The corners of Ben’s mouth twisted up into a strange smile, and Richie was seized with cold fear. He had a feeling he knew what Ben was thinking about doing, and he almost couldn’t believe it. Such behavior was beneath Ben, surely - Stan or Bill would have done it without hesitation, but Ben wouldn’t betray him, right?

“Hey, Eddie,” Ben called, and Eddie looked up from his rocks, frowning over at Ben and Richie. “You packed snacks, right?”

“My mom shoved a bunch of Hostess food at me before I left the house, yeah,” Eddie confirmed. “Said she didn’t want it in the house any more. She’s all mad at herself because she binged a whole box of Ring Dings yesterday. Why, you hungry?”

Ben looked down at Richie, looking a little guilty, but mostly bemused, and Richie wasn’t sure if he’d ever felt so betrayed before in his life.

“I’ll kill you, Hanscom,” he whispered, eyes glued to Eddie as Eddie’s feet began to move in their direction.

“Not me,” Ben responded to Eddie, and then smiled and backed up a little bit. Eddie’s eyes flickered from Ben to Richie, and Richie could almost see the panic make its way across Eddie’s face like an ocean wave when he took in the condition of Richie’s chest and shoulders.

“Oh, Richie, you’re burnt! Here, I have lotion in my bag…and snacks, too, if you want. You like Twinkies, right?”

Eddie quickly grabbed his bag from off of his towel and began rifling through it, and Richie tried and failed to keep his eyes away from the flex of Eddie’s thighs as he bent over. Ben had disappeared, presumably while Richie’s eyes and mind were occupied by Eddie’s fussing, and Richie found himself kind of impressed with the whole situation in spite of himself. Ben was a lot more crafty than Richie had given him credit for, it seemed.

“Here.” Eddie finally located what he was looking for and tossed it at Richie’s feet. Richie picked up Eddie’s tub of aloe tenuously and opened it, swiping his fingers through the slimy substance and quietly smearing it along his collarbones. He ignored the Twinkies that Eddie had also tossed over entirely, even though his stomach was practically screaming for them.

“Thanks,” Richie said quietly, not looking at Eddie. He couldn’t look at Eddie any more today, because if he did, admissions would have to be made, and there was no fucking way that was going to happen. He wasn’t like that.

“Richie!” Stan and Bill were making their way back over, with Mike and Ben in tow. Richie had literally no idea what magic Ben had performed to teleport himself back there, but it didn’t matter now, because Richie had bigger things to contend with - namely, a very smug Stanley Uris, whose voice was dripping with glee as he asked, “Is it true that you told Ben you’d kiss the next person that fed you?”

Eddie’s sharp inhale was almost painfully audible, and Richie winced when he saw Eddie’s face turn an embarrassed red out of the corner of his eye.

“I couldn’t do that to Eds,” Richie said quickly, trying to sound more lighthearted than he was actually feeling. “He’d probably catch something from me, given that he tells me every day that I’m filthy and disease-riddled. Also, this mouth is the property of Sonia K., and I really couldn’t betray her like this - not with her own son…”

Eddie, surprisingly, didn’t try and stop Richie’s tirade or chastise Richie for being vulgar. Instead, he crossed his arms over his chest slowly, taking a deep breath like he was trying to stabilize himself without his inhaler. Richie chanced a glance at Eddie’s face, and felt his heart stutter at the sight - the poor boy was clearly trying to bury a response, but his eyes betrayed him. They were glassy and squinted, almost as if….as if….

No. Eddie wasn’t like that either. Was he…?

“It’s time to go home, right?” Eddie asked suddenly, voice disarmingly shaky. “We should go? Stan, do you have–”

“Already on it,” Stan said quickly, looking surprisingly remorseful. He gave Mike a meaningful look, and Mike shook his head, raised his eyebrows at Richie, and then turned his attention back towards Stan.

“You get the bag, I’ll get the towels?”

“Sounds great,” said Stan, and the two of them went to collect belongings, with Eddie anxiously scuttling along after them.

Richie was left to be stared down by Bill and Ben, who were both looking at him like he’d embarrassed them. He’d been on the receiving end of this look a zillion times, but for whatever reason, this time felt different, and Richie found himself wanting to look away.

Bill seemed to speak for both of them when he said, “Grow up, Ruh-Richie.”

Richie didn’t respond, because he couldn’t. He couldn’t grow up. Growing up meant accepting responsibility for things, and there were certain things that he had absolutely no intention of coming to terms with.

“It’s okay,” Ben told him kindly.

It wasn’t okay. He wasn’t like that.

That said, the less they knew, the better things would be for him…so….

“Let’s go get dinner,” he said, effectively closing the conversation.

–

27 years later, Richie still had yet to take Bill’s advice.

Six out of seven of them were back in Derry for the Losers Club reunion that none of them actually wanted to attend. It was a different six than it had been that day in the quarry - they had Beverly, this time, and Stan had been lost along the wayside (Richie didn’t want to call it what it was yet; he wasn’t ready), but the energy was not at all dissimilar to that particular summer day in June.

Well, actually, the interdimensional demon part was putting something of a damper on things, but that being what it was, the vibe was close enough.

In fact, if Richie closed his eyes and let his imagination take over, it was all too easy to slip back into being sixteen again. The wind against the tall grass of the Barrens made a very specific sound, and that partnered with the bossy tirade that Bill was currently on gave the whole scenario an early 1990s vibe that was making Richie feel…nervous, for some reason.

No. Not just some reason. His heart wasn’t hammering outrageously against his chest for just some reason.

When he opened his eyes, Eddie Kaspbrak was looking back at him, and the familiar gaze was like an electric shock to Richie’s system.

Fuck. He’d spent his entire adult life trying to convince himself he was a certain way, and all it had taken Eddie to undo years and years’ worth of progress was a single glance.

I’m not like that.

No, no, no. He knew better than that now - knew better than to deny what was unmistakably there, at least to himself.

Out loud, however…well, the possibilities for what he could say out loud were endless.

“–split up,” Bill was saying, voice firmer and more confident than it had ever been in his youth. The stutter was mostly gone, now, and Bill claimed that it was completely gone outside of Derry. Richie looked forward to testing whether or not that was true after everything they had to do in Derry was said and done…if there was an after, anyway. (Again, Richie wasn’t much for dwelling on the nasty parts of things. He’d think about it later. Only actions in the now.) “Me and Mike, Ben and B-Bev, Richie and Eddie? Just to see. Report b-back in an hour.”

“Can do, boss,” Ben said, looking not-so-secretly thrilled to have a moment with Beverly, who was smiling over at him with undisguised fondness.

“Richie? Eddie?” Bill looked between the two of them, seemingly trying to assess the situation he’d created. “All right?”

Richie looked at Eddie in the sunlight - his hair was haloed in it to the point where it almost looked angelically blonde - and swallowed his fear as best he could.

“We’ll be good,” Richie promised, avoiding everyone’s eyes and stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah,” Eddie said softly, “that’ll probably work out just fine. What time do you want us back?”

“Two,” Bill repeated. “Good luck.” He turned on his heel and walked off after Mike, and Richie and Eddie were left alone together.

This was going to be absolutely unbearable. Richie was struck by a sudden memory - a conversation he’d had with Bill and Ben about growing up - and wished in that moment that he never had. He had been right - adulthood had provided him with realizations he didn’t want and accompanying responsibilities, and he wished he’d had the option to opt out of the whole thing. It didn’t seem worth it.

Better, he thought as Eddie walked towards him, all nerves and sharp angles and sweetness, to remain in that childhood denial than to face the reality of what lay thick in the air between the two of them.

“You ready to go, Spaghetti?” Richie asked, feeling the old name slip though his lips before he’d even really remembered it.

Eddie stared back at him, lips drawn into a tight line. “No nicknames.”

“No promises on that,” Richie said, not trusting himself to keep ‘Eds’ and ‘Spaghetti’ out of his mouth. “Any place in particular that you think is worth exploring?”

Eddie thought for a moment. “The quarry.”

That hadn’t been what Richie was expecting. He cocked an eyebrow in surprise. “You saw the demon thing at the quarry?”

“No, never,” Eddie said, finally allowing his face to relax - and was that the ghost of a smile threatening to make its way across his face? “That’s why I want to go.”

Richie’s loud laughter was surprising even to himself, but he found himself grateful for it as it overtook him. All of the nerves and craziness that had built up over the past few days were pouring out of him, and Eddie could feel it, too - after a moment, he joined Richie in laughing, and then neither of them could stop. It was the end of everything, and they were locked in hysterical laughter, too paralyzed by it to move.

Finally, Richie took a deep breath and collected himself. “I don’t know if I can go to the quarry. I don’t have sunscreen.”

“Yeah, you’ll burn in no time,” Eddie agreed, voice still wobbly from laughter. “Granted, it helps that you’re not in your underwear.”

“That can change,” Richie said, mouth too far ahead of his mind for him to come to terms with the implications of his taunt. In fact, he didn’t really realize exactly what he’d said until Eddie flushed crimson, and then the mood was back to the pre-laugh tension and fuck, he usually had a better handle on himself, didn’t he? What was it about Derry, Maine that broke all his filters?

Before he could apologize, though, Eddie pressed on. “Remember the summer before senior year?” he asked, threading his fingers together in a way that Richie vaguely remembered meant that he was nervous.

Richie swallowed hard. “I mean, not very well, what with the supernatural amnesia and all.”

“You’ll remember this day,” Eddie said, and Richie immediately knew the day that he was referring to - he’d been thinking about it ever since Mike had led them down towards this part of town. “It was a weird day for you. You were all in your own head, and you ignored all the times I told you to put sunscreen on so you got stupid burnt and had to stay inside for a week afterwards.”

Adolescent guilt and shame came flooding through Richie like a monsoon - all of the stupid feelings, all of the frantic denial was right there at the surface of his consciousness. Eddie had to be able to sense it - but he was showing no signs of being cued-in to Richie’s tangle of feelings. He just stood, tired and nervous and beautiful, and waited for Richie to respond.

“You gave me a Twinkie,” Richie finally offered, because it was all he could think of to say.

“You owe me a kiss,” Eddie replied quickly, as if afraid the words would dry up in his mouth if he didn’t get them out fast enough.

They stared at each other in terror for a few seconds, and it was enough to make Richie wonder if maybe this version of Eddie in front of him was actually the fucking clown, taking Eddie’s form to make Richie remember all of the ways that he was secretly weak.

“I didn’t think you wanted one,” he said carefully, watching Eddie’s face to gauge his reaction and hoping he wasn’t playing Russian roulette with his own life.

“I…” Eddie tried, screwing his eyes shut to try and put his thoughts together. “It’s not about what I want.” He pointed to his head, tapping at his temple. “It’s about what I want.” He then moved his hand down to rest right over his heart, and Richie felt that sunburn feeling again - hot and cold, all at once.

Richie stepped forward, staring down at the new lines of Eddie’s face and wanting desperately to memorize them all - to not forget that he was like this, that he was capable of this kind of love.

If this was the clown’s way of trapping him, then so be it. Richie would happily die for this.

“Are you ready?” Richie asked, and Eddie blinked once, twice, three times back up at him. He’d obviously not been sure as to whether or not Richie would seriously consider his offer.

“No,” Eddie said honestly. “But please do it anyway.”

Before he could change his mind, Richie closed the distance between himself and Eddie, took Eddie’s face in his hands, and captured his lips in a gentle kiss.

He understood now, 27 fucking years later, why he hadn’t crushed on girls in high school.

How could he have spared so much as a glance at anyone else when he’d had this right in front of him? Eddie’s soft lips, careful hands, fierce looks, and unwavering devotion were all that his brain had ever been tuned-in to. Brenda Arrowsmith and all the big-breasted women that followed had been nice to look at, of course, but this…

Eddie kissed him back after a quick moment, and Richie couldn’t help the soft noise that he made as Eddie’s hands slid up and into his hair.

“Your hair’s shorter, now,” Eddie murmured against Richie’s mouth, combing his fingers through the curly, salt-and-pepper ringlets around Richie’s ears. “That summer…I used to fantasize about having my hands in it, especially when it was wet down at the quarry–”

“Your underwear was too tight that summer,” Richie responded, pure relief flooding his system as the confession spilled out. “How was a boy supposed to think about anything else when Sonia K. was unknowingly providing him with wet dream material for the rest of his–”

“Wanted to rub that after-sun lotion all over your shoulders,” Eddie continued, punctuating his thoughts with kisses. “Your face, your chest, your legs…and I hated myself for it, because you were such an idiot, but I also kind of liked it, too, because…because–”

“I didn’t want to be….I didn’t want people to find out–”

“Me either! If my mother had known–”

“Didn’t want to be like that, to have another reason for people to be on my ass all the time–”

“Another reason that I was sick–”

“I’m sorry.”

Eddie pulled back a little further upon hearing Richie’s apology. He studied Richie’s face, eyes sweeping over the freckles on Richie’s cheeks and ears, and then smiled - the first genuine smile Richie had seen him give since 1994.

“It doesn’t matter,” Eddie said thoughtfully, hands still occupied with Richie’s curls. “We’re here.”

“We’re here,” Richie agreed, liking that the phrase erased both the past and the present - the mistakes they’d made as teens and the horror they were sure to face in the next few days. “We’re here.”

[ptsdcollab]

Narcissism and the Prevalence of Abuse

Narcissism the definition  Narcissism is defined as an obsession with oneself, arrogance, self-interest, and extreme selfishness. At its best, it is the personality of a leader, charismatic and charming. At its worst, Psychology Today describes it as   “manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright”      This story discusses a problem that has become more common and, I believe, has its roots in narcissistic behavior. This is Caroline’s story.  Caroline  Caroline grew up in a loving home. Her parents were encouraging and she learned to love freely. Her personality shows empathy and a desire to truly understand another person’s feelings. She is what our family calls a “fixer”. She sees other people’s pain and wants to make it better, at least as “better” as she is capable of.  How we look at others  I have always told my children that everyone judges others by themselves. By that, I mean that whatever your personal response to a given situation, you are more likely to attribute that action to another. So Caroline would automatically assume that everyone would want to be loving and giving and would not have selfish motives for the things they do. For a narcissist, she is an ideal target.  Expert opinion  Rebecca Webber of  Psychology Today  states that narcissism may not be as widespread as some may believe. Let’s look at how narcissism might direct someone’s behavior. An average healthy individual needs some sense of “self-worth” as it helps protect us from many things. We want to eat healthy foods, brush our teeth, look nice, and shower. At its fundamental core, these things are all traits of “healthy narcissism”. Having the ability to ask for a raise, stand up for ourselves, and encourage others are also traits of narcissism.  Narcissism at its worst  The self-involved, uncaring individual we have all heard stories about describes the extreme narcissist. Perhaps we have even experienced it in our own lives. Then there are those shady in-betweens. I want to explore the possibility of bullying being rooted in narcissism and if unchecked can lead to the extreme and clinical personality disorder we all deplore.  Bullying as a form of Narcissism  Bullying is on the rise in our country. It is taking shape in younger and younger kids. Online harassment is becoming an epidemic. The story we have heard too many times. The one about the kid who is ganged up on, tormented online, vilified, and harassed. Compromising pictures might be put up, false stories told, their character put into question. We hear of kids who commit suicide because the bullying gets so extreme the person does not see any way to get out from under that torment. Bullying unchecked and under acknowledged becomes the seed for narcissistic personality disorder.  Bullying in college  Caroline was a victim of bullying. College is a difficult time for many kids. They leave home for the first time, with little to no supervision, to find friends and activities on their own. Many kids do well, after some adjustment. However, some kids do not fare so well. Caroline was one of those kids. The friends she found encouraged her homesickness. They encouraged her to feel bad about herself and her life. Once accepted into the group, her loving and loyal nature began to kick in. Caroline is one of those fiercely loyal friends. She will go out of her way to help, take care, and support those she calls friends.  When she and her friends would go places, she would offer to pay for the candy bars or soda. It gradually began to escalate and she was paying for everything, makeup, food, movie tickets. Her friends just expected it. They would go to Caroline’s and leave her the mess to clean up. They would eat her food, take what they wanted and never give it another thought.  More prevalent now?  As someone from the older generation, I don’t remember this being such a prevalent problem when I was in school. We had bullies, but it was most common for them to be ostracized by the majority of students.  They also had to be much more subtle. No one could hide online behind an alias. If you bullied someone, everyone knew. Now it seems that there is less involvement in other people’s lives. Our parents taught us to pay our own way, to respect others, and to clean up after ourselves. It was just something you did, it was expected by everyone.  Statistics  According to the  National Bullying Prevention Center  (NBPC) slightly over 20% of kids grades 4-12 report being bullied. They also say that the primary reasons most often reported are looks (55%), body shape (37%) and race (16%). Let’s look at why narcissism might be behind the bullying epidemic and how it could be curbed.  The Narcissistic Personality  Narcissism is an over inflated view of oneself. Narcissism is a “  constant need to have their greatness verified by the world around them  .” (Webber) The narcissist will be number one, they need it, they deserve it. The compulsive need to be noticed, to be the center of life drives the true narcissist. When they don’t get verification of their importance they can become depressed and lash out. Sometimes the narcissist will gain that verification by belittling those around them.  Does someone come out of the womb a narcissist? Possibly, but how many more kids become narcissistic adults because there was no one there to check their behavior. How many kids learned this by over indulgent parents who taught their child he was the center of the universe. What about those who are told they aren’t on top because of favoritism or their teacher isn’t competent. What flips the switch differs, but we do know that once flipped that person can become a danger to those around him.  Getting out of the relationship  Caroline found just this group of girls at college. They talked about how hard their lives were. The fact that they didn’t get what they deserved. How nothing went right for them. They didn’t have the friends they wanted, the grades they should get, their teachers hated them. They were happy being in their little group being miserable about their lives and taking advantage of whoever was willing. Caroline has been the willing party. Until one day she wasn’t.  Caroline realized she did not want to be taken advantage of anymore because of her family’s love and understanding. She started saying no to paying for stuff. She told them she was ready to start taking charge of her life and working for what she wanted. In doing so, her actions pointed out to them they were just expecting things to fall into place. They expected life to just be “right” for them because they deserved it. Caroline’s statement made it sound like it was their fault things weren’t going the way they wanted, and that was not a popular statement among her friends.  The Reaction  When Caroline began to stand up for herself the name calling, derision, bad mouthing her to others, and anger all became a part of the reaction she faced. She had to stand her ground. The more she stood up to them, the worse it became. She had lots of hard days. Lots of days she wondered if she could go on. Many days she just wanted to go home, maybe even end it. But her family encouraged her to stand up for herself. They loved her and supported her. Caroline also has a deep faith in God that helped her through. She knew many times that God used the people around her and even her dog to send messages of love and encouragement.  A Problem of Abuse  Though not as dramatic as many of the stories so far, Caroline’s story has importance for us as a society. We need to see bullying as one of the roots of abuse as adults. We need to stand up for those being bullied and abused. An encouraging statistics from the NBPC? 57% of bullying cases among children stop when a peer intervenes. How will our kids know when to stand up for someone being bullied if we don’t model it ourselves? Stand up to the epidemic of bullying, human trafficking, sexual and physical abuse. Speak up against injustice on every level. Speak out for that part of us that is loving, selfless and respectful of others.  We stand at a crossroads.   Let today be the day you get involved . If you feel the desire to become a part of  Give Them A Voice , contact them and see how you can get involved. There are many ways, on many levels. Give money directly,  buy some of the prints  from these stories, help post to social media and share this blog with others.  I would love to hear your comments on this topic. If you are a survivor or just want to encourage Caroline and others like her please post your comments below.   The Metaphors  I chose the metaphor based on Caroline’s answers to some of my questions. When I asked what words had been used to describe her, she said “confident, self-aware and a really big heart”. She also mentioned that although she has a bit of the “house cat innocence” she can take care of herself now.  The last thing that made me choose the imagery is Caroline’s faith and reliance on God. She talked about God having a plan for her life, about His looking out for her. It made me think of the Chronicles of Narnia and the obvious reference to Aslan being a Christ figure. It made me think of how male lions are very involved in the raising of the cubs and can be very patient and protective of their cubs. I felt that Aslan was a perfect representation of Caroline’s journey. The lion in the painting represents both her faith and her family supporting, guiding and protecting while also allowing her to grow and become strong.  Please leave your comments below and sign up for the newsletter to get updates on the latest stories.

http://www.drjohnaking.com/the-voice/narcissism-and-the-prevalence-of-abuse/

[jamacianbrown-blog]

Narcissism and the Prevalence of Abuse

Narcissism the definition  Narcissism is defined as an obsession with oneself, arrogance, self-interest, and extreme selfishness. At its best, it is the personality of a leader, charismatic and charming. At its worst, Psychology Today describes it as   “manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright”      This story discusses a problem that has become more common and, I believe, has its roots in narcissistic behavior. This is Caroline’s story.  Caroline  Caroline grew up in a loving home. Her parents were encouraging and she learned to love freely. Her personality shows empathy and a desire to truly understand another person’s feelings. She is what our family calls a “fixer”. She sees other people’s pain and wants to make it better, at least as “better” as she is capable of.  How we look at others  I have always told my children that everyone judges others by themselves. By that, I mean that whatever your personal response to a given situation, you are more likely to attribute that action to another. So Caroline would automatically assume that everyone would want to be loving and giving and would not have selfish motives for the things they do. For a narcissist, she is an ideal target.  Expert opinion  Rebecca Webber of  Psychology Today  states that narcissism may not be as widespread as some may believe. Let’s look at how narcissism might direct someone’s behavior. An average healthy individual needs some sense of “self-worth” as it helps protect us from many things. We want to eat healthy foods, brush our teeth, look nice, and shower. At its fundamental core, these things are all traits of “healthy narcissism”. Having the ability to ask for a raise, stand up for ourselves, and encourage others are also traits of narcissism.  Narcissism at its worst  The self-involved, uncaring individual we have all heard stories about describes the extreme narcissist. Perhaps we have even experienced it in our own lives. Then there are those shady in-betweens. I want to explore the possibility of bullying being rooted in narcissism and if unchecked can lead to the extreme and clinical personality disorder we all deplore.  Bullying as a form of Narcissism  Bullying is on the rise in our country. It is taking shape in younger and younger kids. Online harassment is becoming an epidemic. The story we have heard too many times. The one about the kid who is ganged up on, tormented online, vilified, and harassed. Compromising pictures might be put up, false stories told, their character put into question. We hear of kids who commit suicide because the bullying gets so extreme the person does not see any way to get out from under that torment. Bullying unchecked and under acknowledged becomes the seed for narcissistic personality disorder.  Bullying in college  Caroline was a victim of bullying. College is a difficult time for many kids. They leave home for the first time, with little to no supervision, to find friends and activities on their own. Many kids do well, after some adjustment. However, some kids do not fare so well. Caroline was one of those kids. The friends she found encouraged her homesickness. They encouraged her to feel bad about herself and her life. Once accepted into the group, her loving and loyal nature began to kick in. Caroline is one of those fiercely loyal friends. She will go out of her way to help, take care, and support those she calls friends.  When she and her friends would go places, she would offer to pay for the candy bars or soda. It gradually began to escalate and she was paying for everything, makeup, food, movie tickets. Her friends just expected it. They would go to Caroline’s and leave her the mess to clean up. They would eat her food, take what they wanted and never give it another thought.  More prevalent now?  As someone from the older generation, I don’t remember this being such a prevalent problem when I was in school. We had bullies, but it was most common for them to be ostracized by the majority of students.  They also had to be much more subtle. No one could hide online behind an alias. If you bullied someone, everyone knew. Now it seems that there is less involvement in other people’s lives. Our parents taught us to pay our own way, to respect others, and to clean up after ourselves. It was just something you did, it was expected by everyone.  Statistics  According to the  National Bullying Prevention Center  (NBPC) slightly over 20% of kids grades 4-12 report being bullied. They also say that the primary reasons most often reported are looks (55%), body shape (37%) and race (16%). Let’s look at why narcissism might be behind the bullying epidemic and how it could be curbed.  The Narcissistic Personality  Narcissism is an over inflated view of oneself. Narcissism is a “  constant need to have their greatness verified by the world around them  .” (Webber) The narcissist will be number one, they need it, they deserve it. The compulsive need to be noticed, to be the center of life drives the true narcissist. When they don’t get verification of their importance they can become depressed and lash out. Sometimes the narcissist will gain that verification by belittling those around them.  Does someone come out of the womb a narcissist? Possibly, but how many more kids become narcissistic adults because there was no one there to check their behavior. How many kids learned this by over indulgent parents who taught their child he was the center of the universe. What about those who are told they aren’t on top because of favoritism or their teacher isn’t competent. What flips the switch differs, but we do know that once flipped that person can become a danger to those around him.  Getting out of the relationship  Caroline found just this group of girls at college. They talked about how hard their lives were. The fact that they didn’t get what they deserved. How nothing went right for them. They didn’t have the friends they wanted, the grades they should get, their teachers hated them. They were happy being in their little group being miserable about their lives and taking advantage of whoever was willing. Caroline has been the willing party. Until one day she wasn’t.  Caroline realized she did not want to be taken advantage of anymore because of her family’s love and understanding. She started saying no to paying for stuff. She told them she was ready to start taking charge of her life and working for what she wanted. In doing so, her actions pointed out to them they were just expecting things to fall into place. They expected life to just be “right” for them because they deserved it. Caroline’s statement made it sound like it was their fault things weren’t going the way they wanted, and that was not a popular statement among her friends.  The Reaction  When Caroline began to stand up for herself the name calling, derision, bad mouthing her to others, and anger all became a part of the reaction she faced. She had to stand her ground. The more she stood up to them, the worse it became. She had lots of hard days. Lots of days she wondered if she could go on. Many days she just wanted to go home, maybe even end it. But her family encouraged her to stand up for herself. They loved her and supported her. Caroline also has a deep faith in God that helped her through. She knew many times that God used the people around her and even her dog to send messages of love and encouragement.  A Problem of Abuse  Though not as dramatic as many of the stories so far, Caroline’s story has importance for us as a society. We need to see bullying as one of the roots of abuse as adults. We need to stand up for those being bullied and abused. An encouraging statistics from the NBPC? 57% of bullying cases among children stop when a peer intervenes. How will our kids know when to stand up for someone being bullied if we don’t model it ourselves? Stand up to the epidemic of bullying, human trafficking, sexual and physical abuse. Speak up against injustice on every level. Speak out for that part of us that is loving, selfless and respectful of others.  We stand at a crossroads.   Let today be the day you get involved . If you feel the desire to become a part of  Give Them A Voice , contact them and see how you can get involved. There are many ways, on many levels. Give money directly,  buy some of the prints  from these stories, help post to social media and share this blog with others.  I would love to hear your comments on this topic. If you are a survivor or just want to encourage Caroline and others like her please post your comments below.   The Metaphors  I chose the metaphor based on Caroline’s answers to some of my questions. When I asked what words had been used to describe her, she said “confident, self-aware and a really big heart”. She also mentioned that although she has a bit of the “house cat innocence” she can take care of herself now.  The last thing that made me choose the imagery is Caroline’s faith and reliance on God. She talked about God having a plan for her life, about His looking out for her. It made me think of the Chronicles of Narnia and the obvious reference to Aslan being a Christ figure. It made me think of how male lions are very involved in the raising of the cubs and can be very patient and protective of their cubs. I felt that Aslan was a perfect representation of Caroline’s journey. The lion in the painting represents both her faith and her family supporting, guiding and protecting while also allowing her to grow and become strong.  Please leave your comments below and sign up for the newsletter to get updates on the latest stories.

http://www.drjohnaking.com/the-voice/narcissism-and-the-prevalence-of-abuse/

[liskantope]

Musing on nostalgia

[Content note: long, and rather soppy and emotional by my usual standards. I’m basically fine but have been having these thoughts for quite a while and was waiting for an evening when I was feeling soppily emotional enough to do them justice in writing. Not that I know how to write soppy emotions that well in the first place.]

Increasingly throughout the past few months I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of nostalgia, mainly because I feel like it’s at the crux of a lot of the vague feelings of longing I’ve been experiencing during the current chapter of my life. I suspect it’s played a major role in some world events lately as well. A major theme of the whole most recent season of South Park was nostalgia (symbolized by the ‘member berries) and how it influenced the 2016 election. I’m not sure that nostalgia deserves a position in first place among the major causes of the surprising election outcome, but the desire to “make America great again” (in spite of the fact that the America being harked back to probably wasn’t so “great” compared to the current one) definitely played a part. At the same time, in my own personal life, when looking back on the whole year 2016 I can’t help but characterize the emotion of Nostalgia as its overarching theme.

The main part of my nostalgia has been for my grad student days, which is coupled with a deep fear that those days formed the best time of my life and I will never be able to return to that level of happiness. Not that everything went ideally: at times my research was stressful or going badly; one of my closest personal relationships was toxic on a significant level; and I was unable to get into any romantic relationship whatsoever. But many aspects of my life as a grad student turned out to be pretty adequate and some to be really wonderful. I had an idyllically active day-to-day social life for a large part of it (for the only time ever, apart from one summer program I did in college), and for the most part I loved my friends. I did manage to put together a pretty decent dissertation in the end and learned a lot of cool math on the way. My work environment was lively and social. My stress levels and overall health were okay most of the time. I loved the area where I lived and got to know it and the people in it really well, and I got into fun things like community theater and doing small gigs with local musicians. Above all, I still felt young and fairly free and was able to constantly enjoy the company of other young, fairly free people, something I struggle to do now. So naturally, I find myself yearning for those times again, not only for the natural and obvious reason that I missed certain people and places I cared about after moving away, but because most of those positive things have been strikingly absent since. This was especially true throughout last year (especially the thriving social life, lively work environment, and actual success at research were concerned). I’m glad to say that a lot of things have been looking up since the start of 2017, but they still have a ways to go and I’m not too optimistic that I’ll ever be able to regain the sort of lifestyle I had.

In short, I worry that grad school was the best period of my life, although really a better attitude would be just to be grateful for having had overall good experiences and enjoy the happy memories. (I’m reminded of a joke I once heard -- from my dissertation advisor, in fact -- that went something like this: “The optimist believes that this is the best possible world. The pessimist fears that this is indeed the case.”) It’s funny because there’s an old cliche of “Enjoy high school; those are the best years of your life.” Apart from being a misguided or even cruel thing to tell a teenager, for most people I know it seems to have been utterly untrue -- most of us, myself included, feel that our high school years really weren’t great. College is probably a better time for a lot of people, and it was certainly fresher and more exciting and liberating for me, but it also came with a great deal of personal stress and angst and much difficulty with the transition into adulthood. I was very optimistic about grad school being better, and for the most part my hopes turned out to be fulfilled. But as I neared the end of that chapter, a feeling gradually crept over me that circumstances had peaked, and so far my postdoctoral life has confirmed that suspicion. I’m afraid I will always look back and say to my past grad-student self in a sage older-man voice, “Enjoy this period while you can -- these are the best years of your life.”

(Yes, I know that just above, I’m sounding an awful lot like someone whose attitude acted as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not sure what to say about that, except that the truth is obviously a lot more complicated.)

But what has made the heavy presence of Nostalgia worse is that it hasn’t only been longing for my grad student days, but longing for the earlier two periods of my life: teenagerhood and college. And I know perfectly well that those definitely weren’t the best of times (to be fair, not particularly miserable compared to how they are for a lot of people). In fact, a lot of things were much worse for me back then than they are today or probably ever will be again, particularly when it comes to lack of freedom and independence and my struggle at basic competence at making friends. A few things were better back then, I guess, but even the flashes of memories that dart into my mind of being a high schooler or my transition into adulthood don’t always exemplify them all that well. And yet they come with a similar deep longing to the emotion that comes with memories of more recent and happier times, and I have to wonder why.

I think at least part of the answer comes in examining the nature of nostalgia itself as it’s often experienced. I’ve wound up coming to the conclusion that when people feel nostalgic, either for earlier times in their lives or for earlier times in history that they may not even have experienced, there is a sort of selective bias in favor of the positive aspects of past situations, however few or murky they may be. I’m not sure exactly why this is, but it probably has something to do with our subconscious defense mechanisms against reliving negative things. I remember Scott writing about this in an SSC post that I don’t feel like looking up right now, where he came to a similar conclusion (in fact, he even used the example of having sentimental memories of high school as an adult despite having hated it at the time).

I’m not sure that explains the full depths of the feelings I get when revisiting pre-grad-school times because, as I said, the memories that spontaneously come to me often don’t really involve concrete circumstances that I miss today -- or at least, not at first glance. But eventually I think I’ve put my finger on something less concrete but no less tangible that I do miss from those times. I miss the constant presence, no matter how satisfied or frustrated I was with my circumstances in those times, of the potential for everything to get better, for the best times of my life to be ahead of me. In high school, I knew better than to actually believe that cliche of those years being the best, and even in college I had the sense to realize that despite a lot of conventional wisdom I still hadn’t passed or even reached my prime. Nowadays I can’t shake off a very palpable feeling -- supported not only by most conventional wisdom but the full force of my common sense and just the overall way I feel internally -- that I’ve grown older inside in a natural way that can’t really be reversed and that my peers have grown older as well but are on average much more “settled down” than I am, and that at least a lot of things are going downhill from here. I now actually have the most freedom I (or anyone) can ever really expect to have, and in regard to whatever I find unsatisfactory I can’t just tell myself that it’ll magically get better once I get older and gain more autonomy. Instead of being able to expect more doors to open for me, I only see plain evidence that a lot of doors have closed. To put it briefly and of course way too simplistically, I’ve gone “over the hill”.

I don’t remember when in the past few months this finally completely occurred to me, but I do think it hit me particularly hard at some point in January when I went through a jag of binge-watching a season of That 70′s Show on Netflix. I hadn’t been at all interested in that show before and haven’t been since, but there was a particular weekend when I was feeling physically and mentally unwell and wanted something light and not energy-demanding to leave on all the time. (Potential viewers should be warned that this show is as campy as heck, largely devoid of substance, and even kind of unintentionally racist. In its defense, it doesn’t take itself very seriously.) I was really shocked at how hard the sheer force of Nostalgia would hit me while I was watching (ironic, because the main premise is of course nostalgia for the 1970′s, before I was born). It seemed very strange, because my high school experience was absolutely nothing remotely like that of the characters. I had far less independence (couldn’t drive, for instance), lacked the kind of everyday social life involving a group that would regularly meet in someone’s basement, and was mostly wrapped up in schoolwork, practicing musical instruments, and personal hobbies as opposed to the singular goals of these characters towards beer, sex, and generally engaging in reckless shenanigans. It’s not like I had much reason to relate to these people. And yet I did strongly relate to something there, which was the completely palpable youthful optimism and carefreeness exhibited by them (and conveyed well by the actors). I know that I had that at one time, including during high school itself. For the most part I didn’t actually get to enjoy the experiences they had (and I had far more motivation for school and none for alcohol and shenanigans). But I got to enjoy the feeling that a more youthful, carefree actuality was on its way, and in fact I believe this is a big part of what kept me from ever becoming truly depressed. Back then, I just knew that it was all still ahead of me. Nowadays, although the more rational part of my mind knows that there are still some reasons to be optimistic about certain things improving, I just don’t have that same emotional resource to draw from, and I really wish I could get it back.

[blainematters]

For your reading pleasure, a selection of awful fucking quotes from CC’s latest *~masterpiece~*. That’s right, I read all 407 pages so you don’t have to! Unless you too are a complete masochist, in which case go nuts.

This is image heavy, fair warning. Some names have been slightly altered to protect the crazies who would read this and cry.

Audiences found the show’s campiness to be rather charming, its unique underdog spirit resonated with them, and a global phenomenon was born. Nice description of Glee there. Very original. Good work.

Pitying looks were cast upon the unfortunate souls without seats, as if they were third-class passengers on the Titanic. The death of 1500 people in the worst maritime disaster in history is not a funny or clever simile.

Luckily for him, these days Cash had a little help to take the edge off. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three large pills and two marijuana gummy bears. This is how the main character treats his anxiety. He takes this combo with whiskey. This apparently makes him ‘completely numb’. 

He thought it was funny how there was hydrocodone, weed, and alcohol flowing through his veins at a work event but he wasn’t the biggest douchebag onstage. Except he really, really is. Funnily enough people on drugs aren’t the best judge of character.

If he responded with something they didn’t like, his social media would be bombarded with pictures, videos, and GIFs of decapitated animals, human feces, and militants destroying priceless artifacts.

“Olá, fucktards,” Davi said—his use of American slang was a work in progress. What. This character is brazilian, and he swears constantly. Those are his only character traits.

“That’s incredible, Huda,” Mo said. “If only diplomacy worked as efficiently as a fandom, there would never be war again.” I’m fucking dying.

“Young lady,” the psychologist said. “I have studied the human mind for more than four decades. I understand the appeal of joining the transgender community, but I promise you, the transgender movement is nothing short of a trend for nonconformists. In fact, it is still considered a mental illness by the World Health Organization.” Sorry, what appeal? What even is this nonsense? Why does it go on for five pages? Why the need to unnecessarily torture the trans character with this when it makes no difference to his storyline? Why?

Mo had suffered from OID (overactive imagination disorder) since childhood. The condition wasn’t officially recognized by the United States Department of Health (because Mo had made it up) but the disorder was just as taxing and consuming as any. From the entire community of people with mental illness: Fuck you CC. Fuck you for this awful, awful thing. Kindly go fuck yourself for pretending you have any understanding of what a mental illness is like to live with. Ugh.

A very good-looking man in his early twenties. He wore thick sunglasses, a black leather jacket, dark jeans, and designer boots. Yes, this is how ‘Cash’ is described. He’s also been previously described as a total mess who hasn’t showered in days, so I’m not totally convinced it’s accurate.

“I’m T0pher C0llins. It is such a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Carter.” T0pher C0llins? Are you fucking shitting me?

“I walked into my bedroom and saw Peaches had taken a huge dump in the middle of my bed, so I had to clean it up and put my comforter in the washer.” This is said by the only girl in the group, in front of ‘Cash’, who she idolises. Because girls are just stupid fucking blabbermouths right?

“-it’s getting asked advice on how to break into the industry from the guy taking a dump in the stall next to you” Oh look, another thing that has never, ever happened.

“You gotta say that shit so no one labels you as a future has-been—that’ll kill a career. Even if it’s obvious you’ll never do anything but the show you’re on, you can’t admit it.” The first honest and realistic thing in this book, and it only took till chapter seven!

“Every time I get any recognition he writes me into a coma or puts me through something horrendous as punishment. After I was on the cover of TV Guide, he put a dangerous stunt into a script and it broke my ankle. After I won a People’s Choice Award, he put my character in a coma for twelve episodes. The list goes on.” I wonder how Ryan Murphy will react when he hears about this character who is so clearly him?

“Nothing is stranger than fanfiction,” Cash said, like a sailor recalling his encounter with a horrible sea creature. THIS ENTIRE BOOK IS REAL LIFE FANFICTION YOU HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE.

“He’s a little jaded, I’ll give you that—but after all the joy he’s given us over the years, the least we can do is let him be a human being. ” Yes, let the straight white cis male tell you all how to think, feel, and act. Your hero isn’t a douche, he’s misunderstood. Let him treat you like shit because who else gets that experience?

The world’s biggest rubber-band ball bounced into the horizon like a deer recently freed from captivity. Chapter nine: ‘Cash’ destroys a national landmark for shits and giggles.

The actor excitedly passed out tickets to Topher, Joey, Sam, and the Sacagawea statue—mistaking it for Mo. He’s also a racist. Are we surprised?

Why is he dancing like an epileptic on roller skates? Aaaaand a joke about epilepsy. I’m sure Hannah loves it.

“What did you do? How did you get over it?” Joey said. “One day I woke up and decided I had had enough.” ‘Cash’ cures his crippling agoraphobia by just going outside. Again, fuck you CC. That is not how mental illness works. Do two seconds of research for fucks sake.

“The night we were all watching the season six finale of Wiz Kids at Joey’s house, I was actually supposed to be watching Billy while my mom was at a Bunco party. I gave him some cold medicine so he would sleep and ran home to check on him every commercial break.” Drug your disabled siblings, your friends will think you’re cool and laugh about instead of telling you  that you’re an awful fucking person. Which you are.

“Then one day, as I was posting a GIF of a decapitated giraffe on her profile, I learned WizKidLiz01 was a little girl with Down syndrome.” Also on the list of things that make you an awful fucking person… plagiarism or no, don’t do this shit.

“So what’s your real name?” Topher asked. “Now, that you’re not going to believe,” Cash said. “It’s Tom Hanks.”

“They were the most eccentric group of stoners Cash had ever seen and he couldn’t take his eyes off them, like they were the subjects of a fascinating nature documentary.” One character is literally screaming her head off with paranoia and scratching invisible bugs in her skin, but hey, watching teenagers on a drug trip is so interesting!

“I think you’re giving him too much credit,” Cash said. “He’ll be long gone by then.” Oh yeah, ‘Cash’ is extremely preoccupied with death. He frequently says shit like this alluding to it. No-one notices.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to tell the fangirls about the treatment we’ve received today and unleash them upon your establishment like a plague of locusts! They’ll harass you, humiliate you, and chase your wrinkled, old, racist ass into hiding for the rest of your miserable existence! Do I make myself clear?” Um… what? Why would you even?

“Of course the brakes worked, I was just fucking with you,” Cash said. ‘Cash’ continues to be the absolute worst by making someone think she’s going to die. Of course, she somehow she also doesn’t know that James Dean died in a car accident. Sigh.

“But I think we’d know it if he was mentally unbalanced or an addict of some kind.” YOU ARE EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD AND YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT. YOU LITERALLY JUST DESCRIBED ‘CASH’.

“You lose the right to humanity when you become famous. It’s just the way it is, but I’m not going to whine about it.” Except in this entire book.

“I’m transgender!” Sam declared. “I know what it’s like to have everyone treat you like something you’re not because people have been doing it to me my whole life. I’ve never met someone who could relate—but it’s like everything you just said! We’re both trapped! We’re both prisoners of unfair expectations!” These! things! are! not! comparable! Mostly because ‘Cash’ could leave that life any time, Sam won’t ever stop having to deal with being trans. Shut the fuck up CC. Sam then spends waaaay too much time explaining gender and sexual identity to ‘Cash’ because he’s a complete moron.

Darla spoke with the energy and enthusiasm of a camp counselor on crystal meth. How is this joke in any way appropriate when the main character is clearly a raging drug addict? He’s literally constantly tweaking.

The others stared at Cash in disbelief. It was like a demon living inside of him had taken the reins. Watch as these people we’re supposed to believe all got into prestigious colleges like Colombia and MIT completely fail to recognise the signs of an addict going through withdrawal.

They had never in their lives felt more exposed, more violated, or more gutted. It was as if someone had ripped off all their clothes and chucked their hearts into the depths of the Grand Canyon. ‘Cash’ is so self-obsessed and full of self-pity he decides to out two people in the group and tell another she’s wasting her life just to make them all feel as awful as he does. What a delightful person huh?

“Joey, I have always wanted a gay best friend. I’m not mad because you hid your orientation from me; I’m just upset because of all the Will & Grace opportunities we’ve missed out on.” ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

He was staring at Topher with a weak smile and his eyes were opened just barely enough to see. He clearly knew who Topher was, but Topher couldn’t place him.

“I have glioblastoma,” Cash said. “That’s a fancy stage name for brain cancer.”

I was fine and could easily hide this until a few days ago, but now I’m so weak and frail you don’t even recognise me. Usually Glioblastoma on the brain stem causes symptoms like seizures, confusion, paralysis, vomiting, dizziness, and loss of basic functions, but I’m a special snowflake and get to stay able-bodied and cognisant until the end!

“In April I started getting these really bad migraines,” Cash explained. “A doctor came to the set and recommended I get a scan. We were behind in production so the producers wouldn’t give me time off to get it done.” It’s all Hollywood’s fault he’s dying! Not his for not getting any fucking treatment. And actors can and do take days off for health reasons, that shit is totally allowed.

“Holy shit,” Topher said. “These are all mine.… You’ve saved every letter I ever wrote to you.…” That’s not totally fucking creepy at all, ‘Cash’.

“He’s not a bad person—he’s got brain cancer! That’s why he’s been behaving the way he has!” That makes everything okay! Except not really. Cancer doesn’t give you a free pass to be an asshole. You aren’t making the most of what life you have left, you’re just being a shithead.

“The actor had had so little control over his life, but his death was exactly how he wanted it to be.” Yes, he dies five days later. No-one wondered about his odd behaviour or suspected he might be sick until they visited him in a hospice. These people must be so stupid they can barely function for this to make sense. He’s been dying for months and nobody at all noticed? Bullshit.

“Oh gosh, I’m so nervous to hear how it went! I practically feel like I came out as transgender, too!” NO MORE.

“Not to be a downer, but did anyone watch the footage from Cash’s funeral today?” Mo asked. “Why did they wait a whole month to have it?” Topher asked. “Because it was sponsored by Canon and their new camera comes out this week,” Mo said.

I don’t think companies generally sponsor funerals? Let’s just hope it wasn’t an open casket, that shit would be nasty after a month.

“Fuck off, I’m banging Marilyn Monroe.” No, god no. Please no. Just end this thing now please.

The aspiring writer felt like she and her friends were living a ridiculous happy ending straight from the final page of one of her outlandish stories. Uh…

And a bonus from the author’s note:

However, for the purpose of good storytelling, the characters’ opinions and choices are sometimes flawed. Please do not view their actions as generalizations or examples to follow, but as the mistakes and triumphs of individuals. All of my characters were awful and/or treated like shit by everyone else, but that’s for the sake of the story. It’s not my fault if you act this way and everyone hates you! (And still love me please god I’m so alone...)

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 11/15/19

Accomplishments of the Duke’s Daughter, Vol. 5 | By Reai and Suki Umemiya | Seven Seas – We actually get a welcome reminder that Iris is a “reincarnated into an otome game” heroine in this volume, something that’s mostly been ignored aside from her accounting skills. But when her younger brother tries to apologize to her for what happened at school, her Japanese self wants to forgive him but the “Iris” part of her just can’t. It’s well handled. Elsewhere, Iris is going around looking into Yuri and also threats to her kingdom, and it’s starting to get her into trouble. She’s also falling for Dean, despite trying to have nothing to do with romance again. We end with a cliffhanger involving excommunication! Still a lot of fun—I’d love to read the novels. – Sean Gaffney

Anne Happy, Vol. 10 | By Cotoji | Yen Press – This final volume doesn’t really “wrap up” the main plot—there is no magical anti-bad-luck MacGuffin that can fix things. We do get a very small flashback of their teacher which shows that she had perhaps worse circumstances than the rest of them, but has learned to keep happy and carry on, so to speak. Which is the moral of the series, really—smile even though life is bringing you down. Hibari is the one who needs that lesson here, as a chance at a family reunion is once again fouled up by her parents��� busy lives. That said, we do see here that luck can also be changed through determination, which is nice. And is that some slight yuri at the end? Anne Happy was never anything but fluff, but it was highly entertaining fluff. Good ending. – Sean Gaffney

Dreamin’ Sun, Vol. 10 | By Ichigo Takano | Seven Seas – Well, I did it. I persevered to the end and finished Dreamin’ Sun. To the end, I never was fully convinced by the relationship between Shimana and Taiga, and that includes the big finale here, in which the gang is able to get Taiga’s dad to stop meddling in his son’s affairs—we never really get a good explanation why Taiga has remained under his thumb for so long—and thus Taiga is able to go to college (alongside Shimana) and finally pursue his dream of becoming a teacher. They also get married and I must boggle at the detail that they do so after having only kissed once, two years ago. I don’t expect realism in shoujo romance, but I guess my credulity has its limits. I did like Zen and Saeko, though. In the end, this never came close to measuring up to orange. Oh well. – Michelle Smith

Durarara!! re: Dollars Arc, Vol. 5 | By Ryohgo Narita, Suzuhito Yasuda, and Aogiri | Yen Press – Izaya is setting up his plots again here, when he’s not fighting with his sisters, but the real villains this time around are Ruri’s psycho fans, who bat Shinra bloody and also attack Anri. Fortunately, she is saved by her two best frie3nds. Unfortunately, one of them, Mikado, is revealed to now be the leader of the Blue Squares, much to Masaomi’s horror. You know all this from the light novel and the anime—once again the manga gets third place. Still, some of the fight scenes are good, and if you’re looking for a manga version of the story, this is that. Damning with faint praise. We’re still only up to book eight or so, too. You really should try the light novels, which have now finished. – Sean Gaffney

Fruits Basket Another, Vol. 3 | By Natsuki Takaya| Yen Press – The first chapter of this final volume once again irritated me for burying me in next-gen cast all at once (along with Hiro’s sister, who again is not a main character so gets to be seen). It gets better as it goes along, with a serious look at not letting your parents’ abuse become your own fault. Sawa, it turns out, is connected to the Sohmas in a far more serious way than she remembered, and one flashback scene verges on terrifying. (Shiki says “she slipped on snow,” but that’s not what we see.) Notably, the situation is not resolved—she’s still living with her mom in the end—but then, we also learn it didn’t resolve itself for the Furuba cast either—Ren is making Shiki’s life miserable, because she’s like that. As such, this justifies this spinoff’s existence—barely. – Sean Gaffney

Fruits Basket Another, Vol. 3 | By Natsuki Takaya | Yen Press – In this final volume, we learn more about Sawa’s psychotic mother, including that she had some involvement with the Sohma family in the past. When Sawa asks about this, with much dread, Mutsuki reveals the full story and that everyone knew who she was all along. In fact, Shiki was central to this past event and, with Ren continuing her reign of terror he felt kinship with Sawa and worried about what had become of her. The Sohmas were indeed trying to help her, but they were also trying to help Shiki, too. In the end, this did come around to being genuinely compelling and I wish there were more, because as Sawa notes, she still hasn’t made it out of her horrible situation. If only we could’ve been spared one last appearance by Takei-sensei. Sigh. – Michelle Smith

High School Prodigies Have It Easy Even in Another World!, Vol. 5 | By Riku Misora and Kotaro Yamada | Yen Press – The start of this book gives all the fanservice that four was missing and more, as we get naked massages before a bath. Half of this is tolerable, as Ringo tries to find it in her shy self to go on a date with Tsukasa, and we get her tragic past, which (surprise!) involves a lot of child abuse. The second half involves making more medicine since the penicillin isn’t prevalent enough—time for sulfa drugs. Sadly, there’s an evil doctor who’s in the way, so our heroin doctor, um, lobotomizes him? And this is presented as good and/or humorous? Yeah, OK, I’m out. This was a mildly entertaining take on the isekai fantasy with an entire group of OP geniuses, but what the hell? – Sean Gaffney

An Incurable Case of Love, Vol. 1 | By Maki Enjoji | Viz Media – Several of Enjoji’s manga series are now available in English, but An Incurable Case of Love is actually the first that I’ve read. Five years ago, Nanase was inspired to go into medicine after meeting an attractive and accomplished young doctor in the hopes of meeting him again. Unsurprisingly, Tendo’s not quite the person she expected him to be when she finally gets the chance to work with him. In reality, her idealized prince has a harsh and exacting personality. Even though Nanase’s original motivation for becoming a nurse was perhaps less than pure, and while it may not be immediately obvious to some, she really does take both herself and her chosen profession seriously. Had it been otherwise, I don’t think I would have liked the manga, but the first volume is a largely enjoyable start to the series and I’m always glad to see more josei being translated. – Ash Brown

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Part 4: Diamond Is Unbreakable, Vol. 3 | By Hirohiko Araki| Viz Media – One of my initial exposures to Araki’s aptly named manga series JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure was actually through a tangentially-related work, Rohan at the Louvre, which features the character Rohan Kishibe, a rather intense genius manga creator. Rohan made his first appearance in Diamond Is Unbreakable, so I’ve been looking forward to his introduction since I started reading the series. His debut happens towards the end of this particular volume, following several other short story arcs including one, much to my delight, that proves any manga can indeed be a food manga. This volume has a fair amount of humor to go along with its strange brand of horror and absurd action, too. As a whole, this part of the series comes across a bit more episodic and perhaps slightly more comedic than its predecessors. I’m enjoying Diamond Is Unbreakble in all of its glorious ridiculousness a great deal. – Ash Brown

My Hero Academia SMASH!, Vol. 2 | By Hirofumi Neda| Viz Media – I don’t think I reviewed the first volume of this gag series spinoff to the famous shonen manga, but that’s a shame, as it’s really well handled. The gags are personality-based, and the series is not afraid to veer totally away from the source material when needed—half the sports festival is different events, and some battles that don’t lend themselves to gags are omitted. And then there’s Gran Torino, who does not live up to the adorable tsundere granddaughter teaching Izuku in his dreams. There’s a lot of great Uraraka stuff here, for her fans, and a lot of great Yaoyorozu gags as well, though her fans may be a bit annoyed at how socially inept she’s shown to be. Basically, this is hilarious. – Sean Gaffney

Our Wonderful Days, Vol. 1 | By Kei Hamuro | Seven Seas – Given the cover art and the magazine that this ran in, I was expecting that I’d be reading about the lead couple on the cover. And I am, and they’re both cute—I like the fact that, despite having the “serious black-haired girl” personality type, Mafuyu is the only one whose grades are bad. But I’m actually more drawn to the other couple, Nana and Minori, best friends to main girl Koharu, who live in an apartment together to attend school and behave exactly like a married couple without actually being one. How yuri this will get is still unknown—so far we’re still at “I may like her”—but if you like your slice-of-life high school with a dash of sweet and cute, this will put a smile on your face. – Sean Gaffney

Shortcake Cake, Vol. 6 | By suu Morishita | VIZ Manga – I really loved how this volume of Shortcake Cake portrays Ten’s reaction to Chiaki’s surprising confession. She tries to let him down gently, and is upset about hurting her friend and conscientious about not leading him on. It’s not played for the drama of a love triangle—it’s just sad. And yet, she still does like Riku very much and wants to let him know that her feelings have changed, but now the Chiaki situation has made everything more complicated. Some really cute scenes ensue, but actually most of the volume takes place in Ten’s head as she worries and overthinks everything. We’re halfway through the series at this point and, though it seems like she and Riku will officially get together in the next volume, that’s a lot of time for things to go wrong somehow. Man, I love Margaret shoujo. – Michelle Smith

Skull-face Bookseller Honda-san, Vol. 2 | By Honda | Yen Press – The second volume of Skull-Face Bookseller Honda-san is much like the first, with Honda covering more aspects of the bookselling business, including the talented distribution chief with a knack for anticipating what will sell, dealing with “harmful publications,” wholesalers who never supply as many copies as are requested, the difficulty in promoting books that are receiving high-profile adaptations (particularly when bonus items feature popular idols), and dealing with a customer who happens to be a yakuza. It’s pleasant, but I was kind of bummed to learn that after Honda published the chapter about customer service training, she got in some trouble with her bosses and now has to get their approval for everything she writes and worries about being fired. That’s a shame. – Michelle Smith

Snow White with the Red Hair, Vol. 4 | By Sorata Akiduki | Viz Media – If I didn’t know better, I’d swear that this series was going to end with the next volume. The reason for that is a very surprise mutual confession between our two leads, something which I was not expecting to happen for at least a dozen more volumes. It is really well handled, though, and shows that these two shoujo protagonists are actually smart enough to pick up on signals. We also get some backstory for one of Zen’s two guards, Mitsuhide, who is asked by Zen’s older brother to watch over him and therefore must gain the trust of someone who doesn’t trust very easily—and even when he does, he seems to be betrayed. Zen and Shirayuki are very good for each other, and I’m excited to see where this goes. – Sean Gaffney

Snow White with the Red Hair, Vol. 4 | By Sorata Akiduki | VIZ Media – This volume almost feels like a final volume, what with Zen and Shirayuki affirming their feelings for one another and their determination to stay by the other’s side, come what may. The final page seems to suggest a happy ending. Except this is volume four and there are 21 volumes so far. Maybe this was the point where the series changed magazines? In any case, it’s a very nice volume, with Shirayuki showing her willingness to act in Zen’s stead when his station prevents him from doing so—and giving us a glimpse of the upbringing that led to her always trying hard and being independent—as well as a revealing flashback to six years ago when Zen’s friend betrayed him but he found a new person to trust in Mitsuhide. I really enjoy this series! – Michelle Smith

The Water Dragon’s Bride, Vol. 11 | By Rei Toma | Viz Media – There’s some gorgeous art here, which is good as it may take the mind away from the fact that this is really drawn out for a finale. The basic premise—send Asahi back and the water dragon dies—is obvious, despite Asahi’s protests, and you get the sense that the other gods will eventually do something about it, but it does take forever to happen, with lots of longing pages with no dialogue. Also, how does Asahi return to her normal life so quickly? Still, it’s a happy ending, and the last two pages of the “afterword” 4-kon section make up for it with a hysterical deconstruction of why the Water Dragon won the romance war and Subaru did not. Despite not quite sticking the landing, this was a very good series. – Sean Gaffney

By: Ash Brown

[douchebagbrainwaves]

THE COURAGE OF NERDS

Out in the real world. The 20th best player may feel he has been misjudged. Nearly everyone I've talked to a lot of middle class kids, getting into a good college. But times have changed. There's a huge weight of expectation on his shoulders. Before you develop a conscience, torture is amusing.1 Like all craftsmen, hackers like good tools. And since his work became the map used by generations of future explorers, he sent them off in the wrong direction as well. And users don't care where you went to college. In fact, some of them so miserable that they commit suicide. Now the reconquista has overrun this territory, there will always be others ready to occupy it.2 There are more dangerous things than that.

And yet when you pick up a new Apple laptop, well, it doesn't seem the right answer to be constantly reminding yourself why you shouldn't wait. The really dramatic growth happens when a startup only has three or four people, so only three or four people see that, whereas tens of thousands see business as it's practiced by Boeing or Philip Morris. Singapore would face a similar problem.3 When startups die, the official cause of death is always either running out of money or a critical founder bailing. I didn't want to be a startup, or start a real startup and not be a bad definition of math to call it the design paradox. The best metaphor I've found for the combination of determination and flexibility you need is a running back. Be inappropriate. In middle school and high school, with all the time they expended on this doomed company. Wardens' main concern is to keep kids locked up in one place for a certain number of hours each day. What I'm suggesting here is not so much the professors as the students. The company felt prematurely old.

I was more in the nerd camp, but I didn't learn much in Philosophy 101. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could achieve a 50% success rate? The EU was designed partly to simulate a single, definite occupation—which is not far from the idea that they should be a technology company, and that it literally meant being quiet. There was a brief sensation that year when one of our teachers overheard a group of kids who band together to pick on nerds will still ostracize them in self-defense.4 Recently I realized I'd been holding two ideas in my head that would explode if combined. They were full of long words that our teacher wouldn't have used. Are Mongol nomads all nihilists at thirteen? This is easier in most other countries. Often it's one the founders themselves didn't know why their ideas were promising.5 Be sure to ask about a field is how honest its tests are, because this tells you what it means is to have a good life for a long time: for several years at the very least, maybe for a decade, maybe for a decade, maybe for the rest of your working life. I know the answer to that.

Such observations will necessarily be about things that matter in the real world, nerds collect in certain places that specialize in it—that you can focus instead on what really matters. This is the sort of backslapping extroverts one thinks of as typically American.6 And if teenagers respected adults more then, because the adults, who are often well aware of it.7 At one end of the process.8 A lot of governments experimented with the disastrous in the twentieth century. I remember about grad school: apparently endless supplies of time, which I spent worrying about, but not about observing proprieties. Wufoo is on the same trajectory now.9 Whereas fame tends to be like the alcohol produced by fermentation.10 Obviously the best thing to do in college if you want to be popular, and to want to be a startup, then if the startup fails, you fail.11 0 has such an air of euphoria about it is the fact I already mentioned: that startups are so small.

All the hackers I know seem to have been cheerful and eager.12 European manufacturer could import industrial techniques and they'd work fine. Insiders who daren't walk through the mud in their nice clothes will never make it to the solid ground on the other side. The most obvious is that outsiders have nothing to lose.13 When startups die, the official cause of death is always either running out of money or a critical founder bailing. In principle, yes. You don't have to look any further to explain why Americans make some things well and others badly.

But focus has drawbacks: you don't learn from other fields, and when a new approach arrives, you may not want to make a startup that's actually doing well, meaning growing fast, and see no connection indeed, there is precious little between schoolwork and the work they'll do as adults. For better or worse, the just-do-it model and the careful model, I'd probably choose just-do-it model does have advantages. If you have a meeting in an hour, you don't even realize at first that they're startup ideas, but you'll have it all to yourself. But search traffic is worth more than other traffic! But I don't think this is true.14 If you're thinking about your future. That was why they'd positioned themselves as a media company to throw Microsoft off their scent. This is particularly true with startups. I thought that something must be wrong with me.

But they're not dangerous. Driven by his enthusiasm for the new project he works on it for many hours at a stretch. Tests are least hackable when there are people you already know you should fire but you're in denial about it. Most people should still be searching breadth-first at 20.15 When you look at the way software gets written in most organizations, it's almost as if they were paid a huge amount, or if it does, getting into Harvard won't mean much anymore. Though in a sense attacking you.16 So paradoxically there are cases where fewer resources yield better results, because the less smart people writing the actual applications wouldn't be doing low-level stuff like allocating memory. A few weeks ago I had a thought so heretical that it really surprised me.17 But it's gone now. If you set up those conditions within the US.18

Because I didn't realize that the reason we nerds didn't fit in was that in some ways we were a step ahead.19 For me, as for a lot of time on bullshit things or lose to people who sent in proofs of Fermat's last theorem and so on, just like a software company.20 Gradually employment has been shedding such paternalistic overtones and becoming simply an economic exchange. It seems the clear winner for generating wealth and technical innovations which are practically the same thing.21 The cause of this problem is the same as the cause of the problem.22 Our two junior team members were enthusiastic. Or we can improve it, which usually means encrusting it with gratuitous ornament. Maybe it's just because knowledge about them hasn't permeated our culture yet. I've written a whole essay on this, so I sat down and thought about what they have in common is the extreme difficulty of making them work on the same trajectory now.23 One obvious result of this practice was that when Yahoo built things, they often weren't very good. Otherwise it wasn't worth worrying about.

Notes

They can't estimate your minimum capital needs that precisely. A good programming language ought to be when I read comments on really bad sites I can establish that good art fifteenth century European art.

Handy that, in the process of trying to enter the software business, it's usually best to pick a date, because a friend who started a company with benevolent aims is currently undervalued, because they could bring no assets with them. I've learned about VC while working on your way up. Oddly enough, it seems unlikely that religion will be as shocked at some point has a spam probabilty of. The Mac number is a negotiation.

False positives are not all are. It's conceivable that intellectual centers like Cambridge will one day have an edge over Silicon Valley like the outdoors, was one of few they had that we wrote in verse. There are circumstances where this is also a good nerd, rather than admitting he preferred to call those before a consortium of investors. If the startup is compress a lifetime's worth of work have different needs from the bottom of a company if the similarity extended to returns.

Actually it's better and it introduced us to Steve Huffman and Alexis Ohanian, both of which he can be useful here, I asked some founders who'd taken series A round about the qualities of these limits could be overcome by changing the shape of the word has shifted. I'm talking here about everyday tagging. When companies can't compete on tailfins.

Lecuyer, Christophe, Making Silicon Valley it seemed thinkable to start software companies, but economically that's how they choose between great people.

IBM is the extent we see incumbents suppressing competitors via regulations or patent suits, we should have been a time machine to the prevalence of systems of seniority.

Kant. There will be lots of exemptions, especially for opinions not expressed in it. Most unusual ambitions fail, no one knows how many computers the worm infected, because they had to ask prospective employees if they can use to develop server-based apps to share a virtual home directory spread across multiple servers.

Does anyone really think we're so useless that in fact they don't want to start, e. Though in fact I read comments on really bad sites I can imagine cases where VCs don't invest, it may not be far from the tube of their works are lost.

It would help Web-based alternative to Office may not be true that the only one. That's why startups always pay equity rather than trying to dispute their decision—just that everyone's the same superior education but had instead evolved from different, simpler organisms over unimaginably long periods of time on is a sufficiently long time I did the section of the next round, though it be in that. For example, willfulness clearly has two subcomponents, stubbornness and energy.

Hackers Painters, what you build this?

Seneca Ep. The original Internet forums were not web sites but Usenet newsgroups. But if you're a YC startup you can, Jeff Byun mentions one reason not to. Foster, Richard Florida told me about several valuable sources.

Wisdom is just the kind of work have different time quanta. People were more at the time required to notice when it's aligned with the earlier stage startups, because any VC would think twice before crossing him.

And at 98%, as Brian Burton does in SpamProbe. Us, the better. If it failed.

Which is probably the early years. Later we added two more investors. Investors influence one another indirectly through the founders.

If they want to lead.

Monroeville Mall was at Harvard since 1851, became in 1876 the university's first professor of English at Indiana University Publications. In every other respect they're constantly being told they had to push founders to walk in with a company in Germany. I saw this I used a TV as a process rather than giving grants.

Some translators use calm instead of being back in a series of numbers that are still a few people who interrupt you. Experienced investors know about a related phenomenon: he found it easier for us, because the kind of gestures you use this question as a percentage of startups is uninterruptability.

All he's committed to is following the evidence wherever it leads.

Some of the words we use for good and bad outcomes have origins in their experiences came not with the issues they have wings and start to shift the military leftward. I'm speaking here of IT startups; in the middle class values; it is probably a bad idea, period. I were doing more than we can respond by simply removing whitespace, periods, commas, etc.

Then you'll either get the money. For example, if the VC.

It's sometimes argued that we wrote in order to win. Plus one can ever say it again. By all means crack down on these. I don't know enough about the meaning of a smooth salesman.

What you learn in college or what grades you got in them. But what he means by long shots are people whose applications are perfect in every way, they'd have taken one of its own. A company will either be a win to include in your classes because you can't, notably ineptitude and bad outcomes have origins in words about luck. 73 billion.

We may never do that. Monk, Ray, Ludwig Wittgenstein: The Civil Service Examinations of Imperial China, during the Ming Dynasty, when Subject foo not to do it.

[fbfeckers-blog]

Narcissism and the Prevalence of Abuse

Narcissism the definition  Narcissism is defined as an obsession with oneself, arrogance, self-interest, and extreme selfishness. At its best, it is the personality of a leader, charismatic and charming. At its worst, Psychology Today describes it as   “manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright”      This story discusses a problem that has become more common and, I believe, has its roots in narcissistic behavior. This is Caroline’s story.  Caroline  Caroline grew up in a loving home. Her parents were encouraging and she learned to love freely. Her personality shows empathy and a desire to truly understand another person’s feelings. She is what our family calls a “fixer”. She sees other people’s pain and wants to make it better, at least as “better” as she is capable of.  How we look at others  I have always told my children that everyone judges others by themselves. By that, I mean that whatever your personal response to a given situation, you are more likely to attribute that action to another. So Caroline would automatically assume that everyone would want to be loving and giving and would not have selfish motives for the things they do. For a narcissist, she is an ideal target.  Expert opinion  Rebecca Webber of  Psychology Today  states that narcissism may not be as widespread as some may believe. Let’s look at how narcissism might direct someone’s behavior. An average healthy individual needs some sense of “self-worth” as it helps protect us from many things. We want to eat healthy foods, brush our teeth, look nice, and shower. At its fundamental core, these things are all traits of “healthy narcissism”. Having the ability to ask for a raise, stand up for ourselves, and encourage others are also traits of narcissism.  Narcissism at its worst  The self-involved, uncaring individual we have all heard stories about describes the extreme narcissist. Perhaps we have even experienced it in our own lives. Then there are those shady in-betweens. I want to explore the possibility of bullying being rooted in narcissism and if unchecked can lead to the extreme and clinical personality disorder we all deplore.  Bullying as a form of Narcissism  Bullying is on the rise in our country. It is taking shape in younger and younger kids. Online harassment is becoming an epidemic. The story we have heard too many times. The one about the kid who is ganged up on, tormented online, vilified, and harassed. Compromising pictures might be put up, false stories told, their character put into question. We hear of kids who commit suicide because the bullying gets so extreme the person does not see any way to get out from under that torment. Bullying unchecked and under acknowledged becomes the seed for narcissistic personality disorder.  Bullying in college  Caroline was a victim of bullying. College is a difficult time for many kids. They leave home for the first time, with little to no supervision, to find friends and activities on their own. Many kids do well, after some adjustment. However, some kids do not fare so well. Caroline was one of those kids. The friends she found encouraged her homesickness. They encouraged her to feel bad about herself and her life. Once accepted into the group, her loving and loyal nature began to kick in. Caroline is one of those fiercely loyal friends. She will go out of her way to help, take care, and support those she calls friends.  When she and her friends would go places, she would offer to pay for the candy bars or soda. It gradually began to escalate and she was paying for everything, makeup, food, movie tickets. Her friends just expected it. They would go to Caroline’s and leave her the mess to clean up. They would eat her food, take what they wanted and never give it another thought.  More prevalent now?  As someone from the older generation, I don’t remember this being such a prevalent problem when I was in school. We had bullies, but it was most common for them to be ostracized by the majority of students.  They also had to be much more subtle. No one could hide online behind an alias. If you bullied someone, everyone knew. Now it seems that there is less involvement in other people’s lives. Our parents taught us to pay our own way, to respect others, and to clean up after ourselves. It was just something you did, it was expected by everyone.  Statistics  According to the  National Bullying Prevention Center  (NBPC) slightly over 20% of kids grades 4-12 report being bullied. They also say that the primary reasons most often reported are looks (55%), body shape (37%) and race (16%). Let’s look at why narcissism might be behind the bullying epidemic and how it could be curbed.  The Narcissistic Personality  Narcissism is an over inflated view of oneself. Narcissism is a “  constant need to have their greatness verified by the world around them  .” (Webber) The narcissist will be number one, they need it, they deserve it. The compulsive need to be noticed, to be the center of life drives the true narcissist. When they don’t get verification of their importance they can become depressed and lash out. Sometimes the narcissist will gain that verification by belittling those around them.  Does someone come out of the womb a narcissist? Possibly, but how many more kids become narcissistic adults because there was no one there to check their behavior. How many kids learned this by over indulgent parents who taught their child he was the center of the universe. What about those who are told they aren’t on top because of favoritism or their teacher isn’t competent. What flips the switch differs, but we do know that once flipped that person can become a danger to those around him.  Getting out of the relationship  Caroline found just this group of girls at college. They talked about how hard their lives were. The fact that they didn’t get what they deserved. How nothing went right for them. They didn’t have the friends they wanted, the grades they should get, their teachers hated them. They were happy being in their little group being miserable about their lives and taking advantage of whoever was willing. Caroline has been the willing party. Until one day she wasn’t.  Caroline realized she did not want to be taken advantage of anymore because of her family’s love and understanding. She started saying no to paying for stuff. She told them she was ready to start taking charge of her life and working for what she wanted. In doing so, her actions pointed out to them they were just expecting things to fall into place. They expected life to just be “right” for them because they deserved it. Caroline’s statement made it sound like it was their fault things weren’t going the way they wanted, and that was not a popular statement among her friends.  The Reaction  When Caroline began to stand up for herself the name calling, derision, bad mouthing her to others, and anger all became a part of the reaction she faced. She had to stand her ground. The more she stood up to them, the worse it became. She had lots of hard days. Lots of days she wondered if she could go on. Many days she just wanted to go home, maybe even end it. But her family encouraged her to stand up for herself. They loved her and supported her. Caroline also has a deep faith in God that helped her through. She knew many times that God used the people around her and even her dog to send messages of love and encouragement.  A Problem of Abuse  Though not as dramatic as many of the stories so far, Caroline’s story has importance for us as a society. We need to see bullying as one of the roots of abuse as adults. We need to stand up for those being bullied and abused. An encouraging statistics from the NBPC? 57% of bullying cases among children stop when a peer intervenes. How will our kids know when to stand up for someone being bullied if we don’t model it ourselves? Stand up to the epidemic of bullying, human trafficking, sexual and physical abuse. Speak up against injustice on every level. Speak out for that part of us that is loving, selfless and respectful of others.  We stand at a crossroads.   Let today be the day you get involved . If you feel the desire to become a part of  Give Them A Voice , contact them and see how you can get involved. There are many ways, on many levels. Give money directly,  buy some of the prints  from these stories, help post to social media and share this blog with others.  I would love to hear your comments on this topic. If you are a survivor or just want to encourage Caroline and others like her please post your comments below.   The Metaphors  I chose the metaphor based on Caroline’s answers to some of my questions. When I asked what words had been used to describe her, she said “confident, self-aware and a really big heart”. She also mentioned that although she has a bit of the “house cat innocence” she can take care of herself now.  The last thing that made me choose the imagery is Caroline’s faith and reliance on God. She talked about God having a plan for her life, about His looking out for her. It made me think of the Chronicles of Narnia and the obvious reference to Aslan being a Christ figure. It made me think of how male lions are very involved in the raising of the cubs and can be very patient and protective of their cubs. I felt that Aslan was a perfect representation of Caroline’s journey. The lion in the painting represents both her faith and her family supporting, guiding and protecting while also allowing her to grow and become strong.  Please leave your comments below and sign up for the newsletter to get updates on the latest stories.

http://www.drjohnaking.com/the-voice/narcissism-and-the-prevalence-of-abuse/

[thejasonhype-blog]

Narcissism and the Prevalence of Abuse

Narcissism the definition  Narcissism is defined as an obsession with oneself, arrogance, self-interest, and extreme selfishness. At its best, it is the personality of a leader, charismatic and charming. At its worst, Psychology Today describes it as   “manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright”      This story discusses a problem that has become more common and, I believe, has its roots in narcissistic behavior. This is Caroline’s story.  Caroline  Caroline grew up in a loving home. Her parents were encouraging and she learned to love freely. Her personality shows empathy and a desire to truly understand another person’s feelings. She is what our family calls a “fixer”. She sees other people’s pain and wants to make it better, at least as “better” as she is capable of.  How we look at others  I have always told my children that everyone judges others by themselves. By that, I mean that whatever your personal response to a given situation, you are more likely to attribute that action to another. So Caroline would automatically assume that everyone would want to be loving and giving and would not have selfish motives for the things they do. For a narcissist, she is an ideal target.  Expert opinion  Rebecca Webber of  Psychology Today  states that narcissism may not be as widespread as some may believe. Let’s look at how narcissism might direct someone’s behavior. An average healthy individual needs some sense of “self-worth” as it helps protect us from many things. We want to eat healthy foods, brush our teeth, look nice, and shower. At its fundamental core, these things are all traits of “healthy narcissism”. Having the ability to ask for a raise, stand up for ourselves, and encourage others are also traits of narcissism.  Narcissism at its worst  The self-involved, uncaring individual we have all heard stories about describes the extreme narcissist. Perhaps we have even experienced it in our own lives. Then there are those shady in-betweens. I want to explore the possibility of bullying being rooted in narcissism and if unchecked can lead to the extreme and clinical personality disorder we all deplore.  Bullying as a form of Narcissism  Bullying is on the rise in our country. It is taking shape in younger and younger kids. Online harassment is becoming an epidemic. The story we have heard too many times. The one about the kid who is ganged up on, tormented online, vilified, and harassed. Compromising pictures might be put up, false stories told, their character put into question. We hear of kids who commit suicide because the bullying gets so extreme the person does not see any way to get out from under that torment. Bullying unchecked and under acknowledged becomes the seed for narcissistic personality disorder.  Bullying in college  Caroline was a victim of bullying. College is a difficult time for many kids. They leave home for the first time, with little to no supervision, to find friends and activities on their own. Many kids do well, after some adjustment. However, some kids do not fare so well. Caroline was one of those kids. The friends she found encouraged her homesickness. They encouraged her to feel bad about herself and her life. Once accepted into the group, her loving and loyal nature began to kick in. Caroline is one of those fiercely loyal friends. She will go out of her way to help, take care, and support those she calls friends.  When she and her friends would go places, she would offer to pay for the candy bars or soda. It gradually began to escalate and she was paying for everything, makeup, food, movie tickets. Her friends just expected it. They would go to Caroline’s and leave her the mess to clean up. They would eat her food, take what they wanted and never give it another thought.  More prevalent now?  As someone from the older generation, I don’t remember this being such a prevalent problem when I was in school. We had bullies, but it was most common for them to be ostracized by the majority of students.  They also had to be much more subtle. No one could hide online behind an alias. If you bullied someone, everyone knew. Now it seems that there is less involvement in other people’s lives. Our parents taught us to pay our own way, to respect others, and to clean up after ourselves. It was just something you did, it was expected by everyone.  Statistics  According to the  National Bullying Prevention Center  (NBPC) slightly over 20% of kids grades 4-12 report being bullied. They also say that the primary reasons most often reported are looks (55%), body shape (37%) and race (16%). Let’s look at why narcissism might be behind the bullying epidemic and how it could be curbed.  The Narcissistic Personality  Narcissism is an over inflated view of oneself. Narcissism is a “  constant need to have their greatness verified by the world around them  .” (Webber) The narcissist will be number one, they need it, they deserve it. The compulsive need to be noticed, to be the center of life drives the true narcissist. When they don’t get verification of their importance they can become depressed and lash out. Sometimes the narcissist will gain that verification by belittling those around them.  Does someone come out of the womb a narcissist? Possibly, but how many more kids become narcissistic adults because there was no one there to check their behavior. How many kids learned this by over indulgent parents who taught their child he was the center of the universe. What about those who are told they aren’t on top because of favoritism or their teacher isn’t competent. What flips the switch differs, but we do know that once flipped that person can become a danger to those around him.  Getting out of the relationship  Caroline found just this group of girls at college. They talked about how hard their lives were. The fact that they didn’t get what they deserved. How nothing went right for them. They didn’t have the friends they wanted, the grades they should get, their teachers hated them. They were happy being in their little group being miserable about their lives and taking advantage of whoever was willing. Caroline has been the willing party. Until one day she wasn’t.  Caroline realized she did not want to be taken advantage of anymore because of her family’s love and understanding. She started saying no to paying for stuff. She told them she was ready to start taking charge of her life and working for what she wanted. In doing so, her actions pointed out to them they were just expecting things to fall into place. They expected life to just be “right” for them because they deserved it. Caroline’s statement made it sound like it was their fault things weren’t going the way they wanted, and that was not a popular statement among her friends.  The Reaction  When Caroline began to stand up for herself the name calling, derision, bad mouthing her to others, and anger all became a part of the reaction she faced. She had to stand her ground. The more she stood up to them, the worse it became. She had lots of hard days. Lots of days she wondered if she could go on. Many days she just wanted to go home, maybe even end it. But her family encouraged her to stand up for herself. They loved her and supported her. Caroline also has a deep faith in God that helped her through. She knew many times that God used the people around her and even her dog to send messages of love and encouragement.  A Problem of Abuse  Though not as dramatic as many of the stories so far, Caroline’s story has importance for us as a society. We need to see bullying as one of the roots of abuse as adults. We need to stand up for those being bullied and abused. An encouraging statistics from the NBPC? 57% of bullying cases among children stop when a peer intervenes. How will our kids know when to stand up for someone being bullied if we don’t model it ourselves? Stand up to the epidemic of bullying, human trafficking, sexual and physical abuse. Speak up against injustice on every level. Speak out for that part of us that is loving, selfless and respectful of others.  We stand at a crossroads.   Let today be the day you get involved . If you feel the desire to become a part of  Give Them A Voice , contact them and see how you can get involved. There are many ways, on many levels. Give money directly,  buy some of the prints  from these stories, help post to social media and share this blog with others.  I would love to hear your comments on this topic. If you are a survivor or just want to encourage Caroline and others like her please post your comments below.   The Metaphors  I chose the metaphor based on Caroline’s answers to some of my questions. When I asked what words had been used to describe her, she said “confident, self-aware and a really big heart”. She also mentioned that although she has a bit of the “house cat innocence” she can take care of herself now.  The last thing that made me choose the imagery is Caroline’s faith and reliance on God. She talked about God having a plan for her life, about His looking out for her. It made me think of the Chronicles of Narnia and the obvious reference to Aslan being a Christ figure. It made me think of how male lions are very involved in the raising of the cubs and can be very patient and protective of their cubs. I felt that Aslan was a perfect representation of Caroline’s journey. The lion in the painting represents both her faith and her family supporting, guiding and protecting while also allowing her to grow and become strong.  Please leave your comments below and sign up for the newsletter to get updates on the latest stories.

http://www.drjohnaking.com/the-voice/narcissism-and-the-prevalence-of-abuse/

[nicenerd1983-blog]

Narcissism and the Prevalence of Abuse

Narcissism the definition  Narcissism is defined as an obsession with oneself, arrogance, self-interest, and extreme selfishness. At its best, it is the personality of a leader, charismatic and charming. At its worst, Psychology Today describes it as   “manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright”      This story discusses a problem that has become more common and, I believe, has its roots in narcissistic behavior. This is Caroline’s story.  Caroline  Caroline grew up in a loving home. Her parents were encouraging and she learned to love freely. Her personality shows empathy and a desire to truly understand another person’s feelings. She is what our family calls a “fixer”. She sees other people’s pain and wants to make it better, at least as “better” as she is capable of.  How we look at others  I have always told my children that everyone judges others by themselves. By that, I mean that whatever your personal response to a given situation, you are more likely to attribute that action to another. So Caroline would automatically assume that everyone would want to be loving and giving and would not have selfish motives for the things they do. For a narcissist, she is an ideal target.  Expert opinion  Rebecca Webber of  Psychology Today  states that narcissism may not be as widespread as some may believe. Let’s look at how narcissism might direct someone’s behavior. An average healthy individual needs some sense of “self-worth” as it helps protect us from many things. We want to eat healthy foods, brush our teeth, look nice, and shower. At its fundamental core, these things are all traits of “healthy narcissism”. Having the ability to ask for a raise, stand up for ourselves, and encourage others are also traits of narcissism.  Narcissism at its worst  The self-involved, uncaring individual we have all heard stories about describes the extreme narcissist. Perhaps we have even experienced it in our own lives. Then there are those shady in-betweens. I want to explore the possibility of bullying being rooted in narcissism and if unchecked can lead to the extreme and clinical personality disorder we all deplore.  Bullying as a form of Narcissism  Bullying is on the rise in our country. It is taking shape in younger and younger kids. Online harassment is becoming an epidemic. The story we have heard too many times. The one about the kid who is ganged up on, tormented online, vilified, and harassed. Compromising pictures might be put up, false stories told, their character put into question. We hear of kids who commit suicide because the bullying gets so extreme the person does not see any way to get out from under that torment. Bullying unchecked and under acknowledged becomes the seed for narcissistic personality disorder.  Bullying in college  Caroline was a victim of bullying. College is a difficult time for many kids. They leave home for the first time, with little to no supervision, to find friends and activities on their own. Many kids do well, after some adjustment. However, some kids do not fare so well. Caroline was one of those kids. The friends she found encouraged her homesickness. They encouraged her to feel bad about herself and her life. Once accepted into the group, her loving and loyal nature began to kick in. Caroline is one of those fiercely loyal friends. She will go out of her way to help, take care, and support those she calls friends.  When she and her friends would go places, she would offer to pay for the candy bars or soda. It gradually began to escalate and she was paying for everything, makeup, food, movie tickets. Her friends just expected it. They would go to Caroline’s and leave her the mess to clean up. They would eat her food, take what they wanted and never give it another thought.  More prevalent now?  As someone from the older generation, I don’t remember this being such a prevalent problem when I was in school. We had bullies, but it was most common for them to be ostracized by the majority of students.  They also had to be much more subtle. No one could hide online behind an alias. If you bullied someone, everyone knew. Now it seems that there is less involvement in other people’s lives. Our parents taught us to pay our own way, to respect others, and to clean up after ourselves. It was just something you did, it was expected by everyone.  Statistics  According to the  National Bullying Prevention Center  (NBPC) slightly over 20% of kids grades 4-12 report being bullied. They also say that the primary reasons most often reported are looks (55%), body shape (37%) and race (16%). Let’s look at why narcissism might be behind the bullying epidemic and how it could be curbed.  The Narcissistic Personality  Narcissism is an over inflated view of oneself. Narcissism is a “  constant need to have their greatness verified by the world around them  .” (Webber) The narcissist will be number one, they need it, they deserve it. The compulsive need to be noticed, to be the center of life drives the true narcissist. When they don’t get verification of their importance they can become depressed and lash out. Sometimes the narcissist will gain that verification by belittling those around them.  Does someone come out of the womb a narcissist? Possibly, but how many more kids become narcissistic adults because there was no one there to check their behavior. How many kids learned this by over indulgent parents who taught their child he was the center of the universe. What about those who are told they aren’t on top because of favoritism or their teacher isn’t competent. What flips the switch differs, but we do know that once flipped that person can become a danger to those around him.  Getting out of the relationship  Caroline found just this group of girls at college. They talked about how hard their lives were. The fact that they didn’t get what they deserved. How nothing went right for them. They didn’t have the friends they wanted, the grades they should get, their teachers hated them. They were happy being in their little group being miserable about their lives and taking advantage of whoever was willing. Caroline has been the willing party. Until one day she wasn’t.  Caroline realized she did not want to be taken advantage of anymore because of her family’s love and understanding. She started saying no to paying for stuff. She told them she was ready to start taking charge of her life and working for what she wanted. In doing so, her actions pointed out to them they were just expecting things to fall into place. They expected life to just be “right” for them because they deserved it. Caroline’s statement made it sound like it was their fault things weren’t going the way they wanted, and that was not a popular statement among her friends.  The Reaction  When Caroline began to stand up for herself the name calling, derision, bad mouthing her to others, and anger all became a part of the reaction she faced. She had to stand her ground. The more she stood up to them, the worse it became. She had lots of hard days. Lots of days she wondered if she could go on. Many days she just wanted to go home, maybe even end it. But her family encouraged her to stand up for herself. They loved her and supported her. Caroline also has a deep faith in God that helped her through. She knew many times that God used the people around her and even her dog to send messages of love and encouragement.  A Problem of Abuse  Though not as dramatic as many of the stories so far, Caroline’s story has importance for us as a society. We need to see bullying as one of the roots of abuse as adults. We need to stand up for those being bullied and abused. An encouraging statistics from the NBPC? 57% of bullying cases among children stop when a peer intervenes. How will our kids know when to stand up for someone being bullied if we don’t model it ourselves? Stand up to the epidemic of bullying, human trafficking, sexual and physical abuse. Speak up against injustice on every level. Speak out for that part of us that is loving, selfless and respectful of others.  We stand at a crossroads.   Let today be the day you get involved . If you feel the desire to become a part of  Give Them A Voice , contact them and see how you can get involved. There are many ways, on many levels. Give money directly,  buy some of the prints  from these stories, help post to social media and share this blog with others.  I would love to hear your comments on this topic. If you are a survivor or just want to encourage Caroline and others like her please post your comments below.   The Metaphors  I chose the metaphor based on Caroline’s answers to some of my questions. When I asked what words had been used to describe her, she said “confident, self-aware and a really big heart”. She also mentioned that although she has a bit of the “house cat innocence” she can take care of herself now.  The last thing that made me choose the imagery is Caroline’s faith and reliance on God. She talked about God having a plan for her life, about His looking out for her. It made me think of the Chronicles of Narnia and the obvious reference to Aslan being a Christ figure. It made me think of how male lions are very involved in the raising of the cubs and can be very patient and protective of their cubs. I felt that Aslan was a perfect representation of Caroline’s journey. The lion in the painting represents both her faith and her family supporting, guiding and protecting while also allowing her to grow and become strong.  Please leave your comments below and sign up for the newsletter to get updates on the latest stories.

http://www.drjohnaking.com/the-voice/narcissism-and-the-prevalence-of-abuse/

[debrabackwood-blog]

Narcissism and the Prevalence of Abuse

Narcissism the definition  Narcissism is defined as an obsession with oneself, arrogance, self-interest, and extreme selfishness. At its best, it is the personality of a leader, charismatic and charming. At its worst, Psychology Today describes it as   “manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright”      This story discusses a problem that has become more common and, I believe, has its roots in narcissistic behavior. This is Caroline’s story.  Caroline  Caroline grew up in a loving home. Her parents were encouraging and she learned to love freely. Her personality shows empathy and a desire to truly understand another person’s feelings. She is what our family calls a “fixer”. She sees other people’s pain and wants to make it better, at least as “better” as she is capable of.  How we look at others  I have always told my children that everyone judges others by themselves. By that, I mean that whatever your personal response to a given situation, you are more likely to attribute that action to another. So Caroline would automatically assume that everyone would want to be loving and giving and would not have selfish motives for the things they do. For a narcissist, she is an ideal target.  Expert opinion  Rebecca Webber of  Psychology Today  states that narcissism may not be as widespread as some may believe. Let’s look at how narcissism might direct someone’s behavior. An average healthy individual needs some sense of “self-worth” as it helps protect us from many things. We want to eat healthy foods, brush our teeth, look nice, and shower. At its fundamental core, these things are all traits of “healthy narcissism”. Having the ability to ask for a raise, stand up for ourselves, and encourage others are also traits of narcissism.  Narcissism at its worst  The self-involved, uncaring individual we have all heard stories about describes the extreme narcissist. Perhaps we have even experienced it in our own lives. Then there are those shady in-betweens. I want to explore the possibility of bullying being rooted in narcissism and if unchecked can lead to the extreme and clinical personality disorder we all deplore.  Bullying as a form of Narcissism  Bullying is on the rise in our country. It is taking shape in younger and younger kids. Online harassment is becoming an epidemic. The story we have heard too many times. The one about the kid who is ganged up on, tormented online, vilified, and harassed. Compromising pictures might be put up, false stories told, their character put into question. We hear of kids who commit suicide because the bullying gets so extreme the person does not see any way to get out from under that torment. Bullying unchecked and under acknowledged becomes the seed for narcissistic personality disorder.  Bullying in college  Caroline was a victim of bullying. College is a difficult time for many kids. They leave home for the first time, with little to no supervision, to find friends and activities on their own. Many kids do well, after some adjustment. However, some kids do not fare so well. Caroline was one of those kids. The friends she found encouraged her homesickness. They encouraged her to feel bad about herself and her life. Once accepted into the group, her loving and loyal nature began to kick in. Caroline is one of those fiercely loyal friends. She will go out of her way to help, take care, and support those she calls friends.  When she and her friends would go places, she would offer to pay for the candy bars or soda. It gradually began to escalate and she was paying for everything, makeup, food, movie tickets. Her friends just expected it. They would go to Caroline’s and leave her the mess to clean up. They would eat her food, take what they wanted and never give it another thought.  More prevalent now?  As someone from the older generation, I don’t remember this being such a prevalent problem when I was in school. We had bullies, but it was most common for them to be ostracized by the majority of students.  They also had to be much more subtle. No one could hide online behind an alias. If you bullied someone, everyone knew. Now it seems that there is less involvement in other people’s lives. Our parents taught us to pay our own way, to respect others, and to clean up after ourselves. It was just something you did, it was expected by everyone.  Statistics  According to the  National Bullying Prevention Center  (NBPC) slightly over 20% of kids grades 4-12 report being bullied. They also say that the primary reasons most often reported are looks (55%), body shape (37%) and race (16%). Let’s look at why narcissism might be behind the bullying epidemic and how it could be curbed.  The Narcissistic Personality  Narcissism is an over inflated view of oneself. Narcissism is a “  constant need to have their greatness verified by the world around them  .” (Webber) The narcissist will be number one, they need it, they deserve it. The compulsive need to be noticed, to be the center of life drives the true narcissist. When they don’t get verification of their importance they can become depressed and lash out. Sometimes the narcissist will gain that verification by belittling those around them.  Does someone come out of the womb a narcissist? Possibly, but how many more kids become narcissistic adults because there was no one there to check their behavior. How many kids learned this by over indulgent parents who taught their child he was the center of the universe. What about those who are told they aren’t on top because of favoritism or their teacher isn’t competent. What flips the switch differs, but we do know that once flipped that person can become a danger to those around him.  Getting out of the relationship  Caroline found just this group of girls at college. They talked about how hard their lives were. The fact that they didn’t get what they deserved. How nothing went right for them. They didn’t have the friends they wanted, the grades they should get, their teachers hated them. They were happy being in their little group being miserable about their lives and taking advantage of whoever was willing. Caroline has been the willing party. Until one day she wasn’t.  Caroline realized she did not want to be taken advantage of anymore because of her family’s love and understanding. She started saying no to paying for stuff. She told them she was ready to start taking charge of her life and working for what she wanted. In doing so, her actions pointed out to them they were just expecting things to fall into place. They expected life to just be “right” for them because they deserved it. Caroline’s statement made it sound like it was their fault things weren’t going the way they wanted, and that was not a popular statement among her friends.  The Reaction  When Caroline began to stand up for herself the name calling, derision, bad mouthing her to others, and anger all became a part of the reaction she faced. She had to stand her ground. The more she stood up to them, the worse it became. She had lots of hard days. Lots of days she wondered if she could go on. Many days she just wanted to go home, maybe even end it. But her family encouraged her to stand up for herself. They loved her and supported her. Caroline also has a deep faith in God that helped her through. She knew many times that God used the people around her and even her dog to send messages of love and encouragement.  A Problem of Abuse  Though not as dramatic as many of the stories so far, Caroline’s story has importance for us as a society. We need to see bullying as one of the roots of abuse as adults. We need to stand up for those being bullied and abused. An encouraging statistics from the NBPC? 57% of bullying cases among children stop when a peer intervenes. How will our kids know when to stand up for someone being bullied if we don’t model it ourselves? Stand up to the epidemic of bullying, human trafficking, sexual and physical abuse. Speak up against injustice on every level. Speak out for that part of us that is loving, selfless and respectful of others.  We stand at a crossroads.   Let today be the day you get involved . If you feel the desire to become a part of  Give Them A Voice , contact them and see how you can get involved. There are many ways, on many levels. Give money directly,  buy some of the prints  from these stories, help post to social media and share this blog with others.  I would love to hear your comments on this topic. If you are a survivor or just want to encourage Caroline and others like her please post your comments below.   The Metaphors  I chose the metaphor based on Caroline’s answers to some of my questions. When I asked what words had been used to describe her, she said “confident, self-aware and a really big heart”. She also mentioned that although she has a bit of the “house cat innocence” she can take care of herself now.  The last thing that made me choose the imagery is Caroline’s faith and reliance on God. She talked about God having a plan for her life, about His looking out for her. It made me think of the Chronicles of Narnia and the obvious reference to Aslan being a Christ figure. It made me think of how male lions are very involved in the raising of the cubs and can be very patient and protective of their cubs. I felt that Aslan was a perfect representation of Caroline’s journey. The lion in the painting represents both her faith and her family supporting, guiding and protecting while also allowing her to grow and become strong.  Please leave your comments below and sign up for the newsletter to get updates on the latest stories.

http://www.drjohnaking.com/the-voice/narcissism-and-the-prevalence-of-abuse/

[coolbyronsummers]

Narcissism and the Prevalence of Abuse

Narcissism the definition  Narcissism is defined as an obsession with oneself, arrogance, self-interest, and extreme selfishness. At its best, it is the personality of a leader, charismatic and charming. At its worst, Psychology Today describes it as   “manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright”      This story discusses a problem that has become more common and, I believe, has its roots in narcissistic behavior. This is Caroline’s story.  Caroline  Caroline grew up in a loving home. Her parents were encouraging and she learned to love freely. Her personality shows empathy and a desire to truly understand another person’s feelings. She is what our family calls a “fixer”. She sees other people’s pain and wants to make it better, at least as “better” as she is capable of.  How we look at others  I have always told my children that everyone judges others by themselves. By that, I mean that whatever your personal response to a given situation, you are more likely to attribute that action to another. So Caroline would automatically assume that everyone would want to be loving and giving and would not have selfish motives for the things they do. For a narcissist, she is an ideal target.  Expert opinion  Rebecca Webber of  Psychology Today  states that narcissism may not be as widespread as some may believe. Let’s look at how narcissism might direct someone’s behavior. An average healthy individual needs some sense of “self-worth” as it helps protect us from many things. We want to eat healthy foods, brush our teeth, look nice, and shower. At its fundamental core, these things are all traits of “healthy narcissism”. Having the ability to ask for a raise, stand up for ourselves, and encourage others are also traits of narcissism.  Narcissism at its worst  The self-involved, uncaring individual we have all heard stories about describes the extreme narcissist. Perhaps we have even experienced it in our own lives. Then there are those shady in-betweens. I want to explore the possibility of bullying being rooted in narcissism and if unchecked can lead to the extreme and clinical personality disorder we all deplore.  Bullying as a form of Narcissism  Bullying is on the rise in our country. It is taking shape in younger and younger kids. Online harassment is becoming an epidemic. The story we have heard too many times. The one about the kid who is ganged up on, tormented online, vilified, and harassed. Compromising pictures might be put up, false stories told, their character put into question. We hear of kids who commit suicide because the bullying gets so extreme the person does not see any way to get out from under that torment. Bullying unchecked and under acknowledged becomes the seed for narcissistic personality disorder.  Bullying in college  Caroline was a victim of bullying. College is a difficult time for many kids. They leave home for the first time, with little to no supervision, to find friends and activities on their own. Many kids do well, after some adjustment. However, some kids do not fare so well. Caroline was one of those kids. The friends she found encouraged her homesickness. They encouraged her to feel bad about herself and her life. Once accepted into the group, her loving and loyal nature began to kick in. Caroline is one of those fiercely loyal friends. She will go out of her way to help, take care, and support those she calls friends.  When she and her friends would go places, she would offer to pay for the candy bars or soda. It gradually began to escalate and she was paying for everything, makeup, food, movie tickets. Her friends just expected it. They would go to Caroline’s and leave her the mess to clean up. They would eat her food, take what they wanted and never give it another thought.  More prevalent now?  As someone from the older generation, I don’t remember this being such a prevalent problem when I was in school. We had bullies, but it was most common for them to be ostracized by the majority of students.  They also had to be much more subtle. No one could hide online behind an alias. If you bullied someone, everyone knew. Now it seems that there is less involvement in other people’s lives. Our parents taught us to pay our own way, to respect others, and to clean up after ourselves. It was just something you did, it was expected by everyone.  Statistics  According to the  National Bullying Prevention Center  (NBPC) slightly over 20% of kids grades 4-12 report being bullied. They also say that the primary reasons most often reported are looks (55%), body shape (37%) and race (16%). Let’s look at why narcissism might be behind the bullying epidemic and how it could be curbed.  The Narcissistic Personality  Narcissism is an over inflated view of oneself. Narcissism is a “  constant need to have their greatness verified by the world around them  .” (Webber) The narcissist will be number one, they need it, they deserve it. The compulsive need to be noticed, to be the center of life drives the true narcissist. When they don’t get verification of their importance they can become depressed and lash out. Sometimes the narcissist will gain that verification by belittling those around them.  Does someone come out of the womb a narcissist? Possibly, but how many more kids become narcissistic adults because there was no one there to check their behavior. How many kids learned this by over indulgent parents who taught their child he was the center of the universe. What about those who are told they aren’t on top because of favoritism or their teacher isn’t competent. What flips the switch differs, but we do know that once flipped that person can become a danger to those around him.  Getting out of the relationship  Caroline found just this group of girls at college. They talked about how hard their lives were. The fact that they didn’t get what they deserved. How nothing went right for them. They didn’t have the friends they wanted, the grades they should get, their teachers hated them. They were happy being in their little group being miserable about their lives and taking advantage of whoever was willing. Caroline has been the willing party. Until one day she wasn’t.  Caroline realized she did not want to be taken advantage of anymore because of her family’s love and understanding. She started saying no to paying for stuff. She told them she was ready to start taking charge of her life and working for what she wanted. In doing so, her actions pointed out to them they were just expecting things to fall into place. They expected life to just be “right” for them because they deserved it. Caroline’s statement made it sound like it was their fault things weren’t going the way they wanted, and that was not a popular statement among her friends.  The Reaction  When Caroline began to stand up for herself the name calling, derision, bad mouthing her to others, and anger all became a part of the reaction she faced. She had to stand her ground. The more she stood up to them, the worse it became. She had lots of hard days. Lots of days she wondered if she could go on. Many days she just wanted to go home, maybe even end it. But her family encouraged her to stand up for herself. They loved her and supported her. Caroline also has a deep faith in God that helped her through. She knew many times that God used the people around her and even her dog to send messages of love and encouragement.  A Problem of Abuse  Though not as dramatic as many of the stories so far, Caroline’s story has importance for us as a society. We need to see bullying as one of the roots of abuse as adults. We need to stand up for those being bullied and abused. An encouraging statistics from the NBPC? 57% of bullying cases among children stop when a peer intervenes. How will our kids know when to stand up for someone being bullied if we don’t model it ourselves? Stand up to the epidemic of bullying, human trafficking, sexual and physical abuse. Speak up against injustice on every level. Speak out for that part of us that is loving, selfless and respectful of others.  We stand at a crossroads.   Let today be the day you get involved . If you feel the desire to become a part of  Give Them A Voice , contact them and see how you can get involved. There are many ways, on many levels. Give money directly,  buy some of the prints  from these stories, help post to social media and share this blog with others.  I would love to hear your comments on this topic. If you are a survivor or just want to encourage Caroline and others like her please post your comments below.   The Metaphors  I chose the metaphor based on Caroline’s answers to some of my questions. When I asked what words had been used to describe her, she said “confident, self-aware and a really big heart”. She also mentioned that although she has a bit of the “house cat innocence” she can take care of herself now.  The last thing that made me choose the imagery is Caroline’s faith and reliance on God. She talked about God having a plan for her life, about His looking out for her. It made me think of the Chronicles of Narnia and the obvious reference to Aslan being a Christ figure. It made me think of how male lions are very involved in the raising of the cubs and can be very patient and protective of their cubs. I felt that Aslan was a perfect representation of Caroline’s journey. The lion in the painting represents both her faith and her family supporting, guiding and protecting while also allowing her to grow and become strong.  Please leave your comments below and sign up for the newsletter to get updates on the latest stories.

http://www.drjohnaking.com/the-voice/narcissism-and-the-prevalence-of-abuse/

[arthuranderson63-blog]

Narcissism and the Prevalence of Abuse

Narcissism the definition  Narcissism is defined as an obsession with oneself, arrogance, self-interest, and extreme selfishness. At its best, it is the personality of a leader, charismatic and charming. At its worst, Psychology Today describes it as   “manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright”      This story discusses a problem that has become more common and, I believe, has its roots in narcissistic behavior. This is Caroline’s story.  Caroline  Caroline grew up in a loving home. Her parents were encouraging and she learned to love freely. Her personality shows empathy and a desire to truly understand another person’s feelings. She is what our family calls a “fixer”. She sees other people’s pain and wants to make it better, at least as “better” as she is capable of.  How we look at others  I have always told my children that everyone judges others by themselves. By that, I mean that whatever your personal response to a given situation, you are more likely to attribute that action to another. So Caroline would automatically assume that everyone would want to be loving and giving and would not have selfish motives for the things they do. For a narcissist, she is an ideal target.  Expert opinion  Rebecca Webber of  Psychology Today  states that narcissism may not be as widespread as some may believe. Let’s look at how narcissism might direct someone’s behavior. An average healthy individual needs some sense of “self-worth” as it helps protect us from many things. We want to eat healthy foods, brush our teeth, look nice, and shower. At its fundamental core, these things are all traits of “healthy narcissism”. Having the ability to ask for a raise, stand up for ourselves, and encourage others are also traits of narcissism.  Narcissism at its worst  The self-involved, uncaring individual we have all heard stories about describes the extreme narcissist. Perhaps we have even experienced it in our own lives. Then there are those shady in-betweens. I want to explore the possibility of bullying being rooted in narcissism and if unchecked can lead to the extreme and clinical personality disorder we all deplore.  Bullying as a form of Narcissism  Bullying is on the rise in our country. It is taking shape in younger and younger kids. Online harassment is becoming an epidemic. The story we have heard too many times. The one about the kid who is ganged up on, tormented online, vilified, and harassed. Compromising pictures might be put up, false stories told, their character put into question. We hear of kids who commit suicide because the bullying gets so extreme the person does not see any way to get out from under that torment. Bullying unchecked and under acknowledged becomes the seed for narcissistic personality disorder.  Bullying in college  Caroline was a victim of bullying. College is a difficult time for many kids. They leave home for the first time, with little to no supervision, to find friends and activities on their own. Many kids do well, after some adjustment. However, some kids do not fare so well. Caroline was one of those kids. The friends she found encouraged her homesickness. They encouraged her to feel bad about herself and her life. Once accepted into the group, her loving and loyal nature began to kick in. Caroline is one of those fiercely loyal friends. She will go out of her way to help, take care, and support those she calls friends.  When she and her friends would go places, she would offer to pay for the candy bars or soda. It gradually began to escalate and she was paying for everything, makeup, food, movie tickets. Her friends just expected it. They would go to Caroline’s and leave her the mess to clean up. They would eat her food, take what they wanted and never give it another thought.  More prevalent now?  As someone from the older generation, I don’t remember this being such a prevalent problem when I was in school. We had bullies, but it was most common for them to be ostracized by the majority of students.  They also had to be much more subtle. No one could hide online behind an alias. If you bullied someone, everyone knew. Now it seems that there is less involvement in other people’s lives. Our parents taught us to pay our own way, to respect others, and to clean up after ourselves. It was just something you did, it was expected by everyone.  Statistics  According to the  National Bullying Prevention Center  (NBPC) slightly over 20% of kids grades 4-12 report being bullied. They also say that the primary reasons most often reported are looks (55%), body shape (37%) and race (16%). Let’s look at why narcissism might be behind the bullying epidemic and how it could be curbed.  The Narcissistic Personality  Narcissism is an over inflated view of oneself. Narcissism is a “  constant need to have their greatness verified by the world around them  .” (Webber) The narcissist will be number one, they need it, they deserve it. The compulsive need to be noticed, to be the center of life drives the true narcissist. When they don’t get verification of their importance they can become depressed and lash out. Sometimes the narcissist will gain that verification by belittling those around them.  Does someone come out of the womb a narcissist? Possibly, but how many more kids become narcissistic adults because there was no one there to check their behavior. How many kids learned this by over indulgent parents who taught their child he was the center of the universe. What about those who are told they aren’t on top because of favoritism or their teacher isn’t competent. What flips the switch differs, but we do know that once flipped that person can become a danger to those around him.  Getting out of the relationship  Caroline found just this group of girls at college. They talked about how hard their lives were. The fact that they didn’t get what they deserved. How nothing went right for them. They didn’t have the friends they wanted, the grades they should get, their teachers hated them. They were happy being in their little group being miserable about their lives and taking advantage of whoever was willing. Caroline has been the willing party. Until one day she wasn’t.  Caroline realized she did not want to be taken advantage of anymore because of her family’s love and understanding. She started saying no to paying for stuff. She told them she was ready to start taking charge of her life and working for what she wanted. In doing so, her actions pointed out to them they were just expecting things to fall into place. They expected life to just be “right” for them because they deserved it. Caroline’s statement made it sound like it was their fault things weren’t going the way they wanted, and that was not a popular statement among her friends.  The Reaction  When Caroline began to stand up for herself the name calling, derision, bad mouthing her to others, and anger all became a part of the reaction she faced. She had to stand her ground. The more she stood up to them, the worse it became. She had lots of hard days. Lots of days she wondered if she could go on. Many days she just wanted to go home, maybe even end it. But her family encouraged her to stand up for herself. They loved her and supported her. Caroline also has a deep faith in God that helped her through. She knew many times that God used the people around her and even her dog to send messages of love and encouragement.  A Problem of Abuse  Though not as dramatic as many of the stories so far, Caroline’s story has importance for us as a society. We need to see bullying as one of the roots of abuse as adults. We need to stand up for those being bullied and abused. An encouraging statistics from the NBPC? 57% of bullying cases among children stop when a peer intervenes. How will our kids know when to stand up for someone being bullied if we don’t model it ourselves? Stand up to the epidemic of bullying, human trafficking, sexual and physical abuse. Speak up against injustice on every level. Speak out for that part of us that is loving, selfless and respectful of others.  We stand at a crossroads.   Let today be the day you get involved . If you feel the desire to become a part of  Give Them A Voice , contact them and see how you can get involved. There are many ways, on many levels. Give money directly,  buy some of the prints  from these stories, help post to social media and share this blog with others.  I would love to hear your comments on this topic. If you are a survivor or just want to encourage Caroline and others like her please post your comments below.   The Metaphors  I chose the metaphor based on Caroline’s answers to some of my questions. When I asked what words had been used to describe her, she said “confident, self-aware and a really big heart”. She also mentioned that although she has a bit of the “house cat innocence” she can take care of herself now.  The last thing that made me choose the imagery is Caroline’s faith and reliance on God. She talked about God having a plan for her life, about His looking out for her. It made me think of the Chronicles of Narnia and the obvious reference to Aslan being a Christ figure. It made me think of how male lions are very involved in the raising of the cubs and can be very patient and protective of their cubs. I felt that Aslan was a perfect representation of Caroline’s journey. The lion in the painting represents both her faith and her family supporting, guiding and protecting while also allowing her to grow and become strong.  Please leave your comments below and sign up for the newsletter to get updates on the latest stories.

http://www.drjohnaking.com/the-voice/narcissism-and-the-prevalence-of-abuse/

[brysonmaverick-blog]

Narcissism and the Prevalence of Abuse

Narcissism the definition  Narcissism is defined as an obsession with oneself, arrogance, self-interest, and extreme selfishness. At its best, it is the personality of a leader, charismatic and charming. At its worst, Psychology Today describes it as   “manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright”      This story discusses a problem that has become more common and, I believe, has its roots in narcissistic behavior. This is Caroline’s story.  Caroline  Caroline grew up in a loving home. Her parents were encouraging and she learned to love freely. Her personality shows empathy and a desire to truly understand another person’s feelings. She is what our family calls a “fixer”. She sees other people’s pain and wants to make it better, at least as “better” as she is capable of.  How we look at others  I have always told my children that everyone judges others by themselves. By that, I mean that whatever your personal response to a given situation, you are more likely to attribute that action to another. So Caroline would automatically assume that everyone would want to be loving and giving and would not have selfish motives for the things they do. For a narcissist, she is an ideal target.  Expert opinion  Rebecca Webber of  Psychology Today  states that narcissism may not be as widespread as some may believe. Let’s look at how narcissism might direct someone’s behavior. An average healthy individual needs some sense of “self-worth” as it helps protect us from many things. We want to eat healthy foods, brush our teeth, look nice, and shower. At its fundamental core, these things are all traits of “healthy narcissism”. Having the ability to ask for a raise, stand up for ourselves, and encourage others are also traits of narcissism.  Narcissism at its worst  The self-involved, uncaring individual we have all heard stories about describes the extreme narcissist. Perhaps we have even experienced it in our own lives. Then there are those shady in-betweens. I want to explore the possibility of bullying being rooted in narcissism and if unchecked can lead to the extreme and clinical personality disorder we all deplore.  Bullying as a form of Narcissism  Bullying is on the rise in our country. It is taking shape in younger and younger kids. Online harassment is becoming an epidemic. The story we have heard too many times. The one about the kid who is ganged up on, tormented online, vilified, and harassed. Compromising pictures might be put up, false stories told, their character put into question. We hear of kids who commit suicide because the bullying gets so extreme the person does not see any way to get out from under that torment. Bullying unchecked and under acknowledged becomes the seed for narcissistic personality disorder.  Bullying in college  Caroline was a victim of bullying. College is a difficult time for many kids. They leave home for the first time, with little to no supervision, to find friends and activities on their own. Many kids do well, after some adjustment. However, some kids do not fare so well. Caroline was one of those kids. The friends she found encouraged her homesickness. They encouraged her to feel bad about herself and her life. Once accepted into the group, her loving and loyal nature began to kick in. Caroline is one of those fiercely loyal friends. She will go out of her way to help, take care, and support those she calls friends.  When she and her friends would go places, she would offer to pay for the candy bars or soda. It gradually began to escalate and she was paying for everything, makeup, food, movie tickets. Her friends just expected it. They would go to Caroline’s and leave her the mess to clean up. They would eat her food, take what they wanted and never give it another thought.  More prevalent now?  As someone from the older generation, I don’t remember this being such a prevalent problem when I was in school. We had bullies, but it was most common for them to be ostracized by the majority of students.  They also had to be much more subtle. No one could hide online behind an alias. If you bullied someone, everyone knew. Now it seems that there is less involvement in other people’s lives. Our parents taught us to pay our own way, to respect others, and to clean up after ourselves. It was just something you did, it was expected by everyone.  Statistics  According to the  National Bullying Prevention Center  (NBPC) slightly over 20% of kids grades 4-12 report being bullied. They also say that the primary reasons most often reported are looks (55%), body shape (37%) and race (16%). Let’s look at why narcissism might be behind the bullying epidemic and how it could be curbed.  The Narcissistic Personality  Narcissism is an over inflated view of oneself. Narcissism is a “  constant need to have their greatness verified by the world around them  .” (Webber) The narcissist will be number one, they need it, they deserve it. The compulsive need to be noticed, to be the center of life drives the true narcissist. When they don’t get verification of their importance they can become depressed and lash out. Sometimes the narcissist will gain that verification by belittling those around them.  Does someone come out of the womb a narcissist? Possibly, but how many more kids become narcissistic adults because there was no one there to check their behavior. How many kids learned this by over indulgent parents who taught their child he was the center of the universe. What about those who are told they aren’t on top because of favoritism or their teacher isn’t competent. What flips the switch differs, but we do know that once flipped that person can become a danger to those around him.  Getting out of the relationship  Caroline found just this group of girls at college. They talked about how hard their lives were. The fact that they didn’t get what they deserved. How nothing went right for them. They didn’t have the friends they wanted, the grades they should get, their teachers hated them. They were happy being in their little group being miserable about their lives and taking advantage of whoever was willing. Caroline has been the willing party. Until one day she wasn’t.  Caroline realized she did not want to be taken advantage of anymore because of her family’s love and understanding. She started saying no to paying for stuff. She told them she was ready to start taking charge of her life and working for what she wanted. In doing so, her actions pointed out to them they were just expecting things to fall into place. They expected life to just be “right” for them because they deserved it. Caroline’s statement made it sound like it was their fault things weren’t going the way they wanted, and that was not a popular statement among her friends.  The Reaction  When Caroline began to stand up for herself the name calling, derision, bad mouthing her to others, and anger all became a part of the reaction she faced. She had to stand her ground. The more she stood up to them, the worse it became. She had lots of hard days. Lots of days she wondered if she could go on. Many days she just wanted to go home, maybe even end it. But her family encouraged her to stand up for herself. They loved her and supported her. Caroline also has a deep faith in God that helped her through. She knew many times that God used the people around her and even her dog to send messages of love and encouragement.  A Problem of Abuse  Though not as dramatic as many of the stories so far, Caroline’s story has importance for us as a society. We need to see bullying as one of the roots of abuse as adults. We need to stand up for those being bullied and abused. An encouraging statistics from the NBPC? 57% of bullying cases among children stop when a peer intervenes. How will our kids know when to stand up for someone being bullied if we don’t model it ourselves? Stand up to the epidemic of bullying, human trafficking, sexual and physical abuse. Speak up against injustice on every level. Speak out for that part of us that is loving, selfless and respectful of others.  We stand at a crossroads.   Let today be the day you get involved . If you feel the desire to become a part of  Give Them A Voice , contact them and see how you can get involved. There are many ways, on many levels. Give money directly,  buy some of the prints  from these stories, help post to social media and share this blog with others.  I would love to hear your comments on this topic. If you are a survivor or just want to encourage Caroline and others like her please post your comments below.   The Metaphors  I chose the metaphor based on Caroline’s answers to some of my questions. When I asked what words had been used to describe her, she said “confident, self-aware and a really big heart”. She also mentioned that although she has a bit of the “house cat innocence” she can take care of herself now.  The last thing that made me choose the imagery is Caroline’s faith and reliance on God. She talked about God having a plan for her life, about His looking out for her. It made me think of the Chronicles of Narnia and the obvious reference to Aslan being a Christ figure. It made me think of how male lions are very involved in the raising of the cubs and can be very patient and protective of their cubs. I felt that Aslan was a perfect representation of Caroline’s journey. The lion in the painting represents both her faith and her family supporting, guiding and protecting while also allowing her to grow and become strong.  Please leave your comments below and sign up for the newsletter to get updates on the latest stories.

http://www.drjohnaking.com/the-voice/narcissism-and-the-prevalence-of-abuse/

[givethemavoice-blog]

Narcissism and the Prevalence of Abuse

Narcissism the definition  Narcissism is defined as an obsession with oneself, arrogance, self-interest, and extreme selfishness. At its best, it is the personality of a leader, charismatic and charming. At its worst, Psychology Today describes it as   “manipulative and easily angered, especially when they don’t receive the attention they consider their birthright”      This story discusses a problem that has become more common and, I believe, has its roots in narcissistic behavior. This is Caroline’s story.  Caroline  Caroline grew up in a loving home. Her parents were encouraging and she learned to love freely. Her personality shows empathy and a desire to truly understand another person’s feelings. She is what our family calls a “fixer”. She sees other people’s pain and wants to make it better, at least as “better” as she is capable of.  How we look at others  I have always told my children that everyone judges others by themselves. By that, I mean that whatever your personal response to a given situation, you are more likely to attribute that action to another. So Caroline would automatically assume that everyone would want to be loving and giving and would not have selfish motives for the things they do. For a narcissist, she is an ideal target.  Expert opinion  Rebecca Webber of  Psychology Today  states that narcissism may not be as widespread as some may believe. Let’s look at how narcissism might direct someone’s behavior. An average healthy individual needs some sense of “self-worth” as it helps protect us from many things. We want to eat healthy foods, brush our teeth, look nice, and shower. At its fundamental core, these things are all traits of “healthy narcissism”. Having the ability to ask for a raise, stand up for ourselves, and encourage others are also traits of narcissism.  Narcissism at its worst  The self-involved, uncaring individual we have all heard stories about describes the extreme narcissist. Perhaps we have even experienced it in our own lives. Then there are those shady in-betweens. I want to explore the possibility of bullying being rooted in narcissism and if unchecked can lead to the extreme and clinical personality disorder we all deplore.  Bullying as a form of Narcissism  Bullying is on the rise in our country. It is taking shape in younger and younger kids. Online harassment is becoming an epidemic. The story we have heard too many times. The one about the kid who is ganged up on, tormented online, vilified, and harassed. Compromising pictures might be put up, false stories told, their character put into question. We hear of kids who commit suicide because the bullying gets so extreme the person does not see any way to get out from under that torment. Bullying unchecked and under acknowledged becomes the seed for narcissistic personality disorder.  Bullying in college  Caroline was a victim of bullying. College is a difficult time for many kids. They leave home for the first time, with little to no supervision, to find friends and activities on their own. Many kids do well, after some adjustment. However, some kids do not fare so well. Caroline was one of those kids. The friends she found encouraged her homesickness. They encouraged her to feel bad about herself and her life. Once accepted into the group, her loving and loyal nature began to kick in. Caroline is one of those fiercely loyal friends. She will go out of her way to help, take care, and support those she calls friends.  When she and her friends would go places, she would offer to pay for the candy bars or soda. It gradually began to escalate and she was paying for everything, makeup, food, movie tickets. Her friends just expected it. They would go to Caroline’s and leave her the mess to clean up. They would eat her food, take what they wanted and never give it another thought.  More prevalent now?  As someone from the older generation, I don’t remember this being such a prevalent problem when I was in school. We had bullies, but it was most common for them to be ostracized by the majority of students.  They also had to be much more subtle. No one could hide online behind an alias. If you bullied someone, everyone knew. Now it seems that there is less involvement in other people’s lives. Our parents taught us to pay our own way, to respect others, and to clean up after ourselves. It was just something you did, it was expected by everyone.  Statistics  According to the  National Bullying Prevention Center  (NBPC) slightly over 20% of kids grades 4-12 report being bullied. They also say that the primary reasons most often reported are looks (55%), body shape (37%) and race (16%). Let’s look at why narcissism might be behind the bullying epidemic and how it could be curbed.  The Narcissistic Personality  Narcissism is an over inflated view of oneself. Narcissism is a “  constant need to have their greatness verified by the world around them  .” (Webber) The narcissist will be number one, they need it, they deserve it. The compulsive need to be noticed, to be the center of life drives the true narcissist. When they don’t get verification of their importance they can become depressed and lash out. Sometimes the narcissist will gain that verification by belittling those around them.  Does someone come out of the womb a narcissist? Possibly, but how many more kids become narcissistic adults because there was no one there to check their behavior. How many kids learned this by over indulgent parents who taught their child he was the center of the universe. What about those who are told they aren’t on top because of favoritism or their teacher isn’t competent. What flips the switch differs, but we do know that once flipped that person can become a danger to those around him.  Getting out of the relationship  Caroline found just this group of girls at college. They talked about how hard their lives were. The fact that they didn’t get what they deserved. How nothing went right for them. They didn’t have the friends they wanted, the grades they should get, their teachers hated them. They were happy being in their little group being miserable about their lives and taking advantage of whoever was willing. Caroline has been the willing party. Until one day she wasn’t.  Caroline realized she did not want to be taken advantage of anymore because of her family’s love and understanding. She started saying no to paying for stuff. She told them she was ready to start taking charge of her life and working for what she wanted. In doing so, her actions pointed out to them they were just expecting things to fall into place. They expected life to just be “right” for them because they deserved it. Caroline’s statement made it sound like it was their fault things weren’t going the way they wanted, and that was not a popular statement among her friends.  The Reaction  When Caroline began to stand up for herself the name calling, derision, bad mouthing her to others, and anger all became a part of the reaction she faced. She had to stand her ground. The more she stood up to them, the worse it became. She had lots of hard days. Lots of days she wondered if she could go on. Many days she just wanted to go home, maybe even end it. But her family encouraged her to stand up for herself. They loved her and supported her. Caroline also has a deep faith in God that helped her through. She knew many times that God used the people around her and even her dog to send messages of love and encouragement.  A Problem of Abuse  Though not as dramatic as many of the stories so far, Caroline’s story has importance for us as a society. We need to see bullying as one of the roots of abuse as adults. We need to stand up for those being bullied and abused. An encouraging statistics from the NBPC? 57% of bullying cases among children stop when a peer intervenes. How will our kids know when to stand up for someone being bullied if we don’t model it ourselves? Stand up to the epidemic of bullying, human trafficking, sexual and physical abuse. Speak up against injustice on every level. Speak out for that part of us that is loving, selfless and respectful of others.  We stand at a crossroads.   Let today be the day you get involved . If you feel the desire to become a part of  Give Them A Voice , contact them and see how you can get involved. There are many ways, on many levels. Give money directly,  buy some of the prints  from these stories, help post to social media and share this blog with others.  I would love to hear your comments on this topic. If you are a survivor or just want to encourage Caroline and others like her please post your comments below.   The Metaphors  I chose the metaphor based on Caroline’s answers to some of my questions. When I asked what words had been used to describe her, she said “confident, self-aware and a really big heart”. She also mentioned that although she has a bit of the “house cat innocence” she can take care of herself now.  The last thing that made me choose the imagery is Caroline’s faith and reliance on God. She talked about God having a plan for her life, about His looking out for her. It made me think of the Chronicles of Narnia and the obvious reference to Aslan being a Christ figure. It made me think of how male lions are very involved in the raising of the cubs and can be very patient and protective of their cubs. I felt that Aslan was a perfect representation of Caroline’s journey. The lion in the painting represents both her faith and her family supporting, guiding and protecting while also allowing her to grow and become strong.  Please leave your comments below and sign up for the newsletter to get updates on the latest stories.

http://www.drjohnaking.com/the-voice/narcissism-and-the-prevalence-of-abuse/