#in case i chicken out and make a tamer one ……..

[heartonxions]

levy shouldn’t get pregnancy trope’ed in her 20s 😭😭 she should be in the clubbbbb 😭😭

[calcifiedunderland]

Shrimply Yours~

In which you invoke your shrimp privileges to cheer Floyd up.

Floyd x GN Reader! Enjoy, shrimpies!!~

—————

“Y’know Floyd, I’d say you’re the shrimp, not me.”

Maybe you really did have a death-by-squeezing wish. Or maybe your plot-armor protection had finally worn off. The eel in question lifted his head slowly at your words and side-eyed you, his golden eye glinting ominously in the Mostro Lounge kitchen’s light.

You’d been washing the dishes after asking Azul for a job in exchange for a little extra madol on the side. For the most part, your day had been as peaceful as it could’ve (the life of a magicless prefect was always maniacal), until you heard arguing from outside the kitchen. You all but jumped when Floyd slammed the door open and wordlessly stalked to the stove, and you spotted Azul walking off shaking his head to himself. Floyd shoved pan on the heat and began frying something, completely ignoring your presence. Was it even possible to fry chicken so aggressively?

In any case, Floyd seemed a little more volatile than usual at the moment, even considering it was him. The other students who’d been in the kitchen with you before had scuttled out before Floyd could snap at them too. But in any case, you knew that Floyd’s mood flipped faster than Crowley leaving all his work to you. So, you thought you’d try to lighten the mood.

At your words, Floyd slowly brought his head up from his deep-frying, golden-and-olive colored eyes zeroing in on you, baring his sharp, shiny teeth at you in a scowl. And in that split second, you suddenly remembered that Floyd was, in fact, a mer-eel. Moray, specifically. A predator. A predator that probably ate shrimpies like you. Who was now looking at you predatorily.

“What did ya just say, shrimpy?” His pupils were practically pin-pricks, and for a moment you swore you could hear the Jaws theme song in your head. You could remember, time and time again, your friends and upperclassmen telling you not to engage Floyd when he was in one of his moods. Even up until now, you’d never been on the awful end of his anger, especially alone. But you weren’t called beast-tamer for nothing, damn it, and maybe that title could extend to taming angry Floyd’s too. An angry Floyd that was still your friend.

“I said, you’re the shrimp, not me.” You maintained eye-contact with him, almost challenging him, ‘come at me, bro.’ You tried to keep a straight face, although you were deflating rapidly by the second because by Sevens this was so stupid but-

“Because you’re shrimply amazing.”

One second passed. Two. Three.

Then Floyd broke into a wide, sharp-toothed grin. He surged towards you, completely forgetting the frying food. “D’awww, SHRIMPY!!!”

He swooped behind you, wrapping his arms around you and picking you up. Your legs flailed around and now your arms were locked in as Floyd spun around the kitchen haphazardly with you in his arms. “Shrimpy knows just how to cheer me up! I knew this is why I kept you around!” He laughed cheerily, bobbing you up and down.

“FLOYD!” You cried, “PUT ME DOWN-“ the kitchen swirled crazily around you, as Floyd babbled some song or other cheerfully. Thankfully he’d stopped spinning, but began shaking you side to side while humming, “Shrimpy’s so brave n’ nice, all the other guppies left when they saw me but only Shrimpy stayed!”

He started pouting, and squished his cheek into yours. “Azul was bein’ mean to me, making me work now. Just ‘cause I roughed up a few customers doesn’t mean it was my fault! They shoulda been nice to me~”

Even though you were basically suspended in the air by him, you smiled at Floyd’s words. “Glad I could help Floyd, that was so mean of Azul,” you consoled him, hoping he’d put you down. He bent over until your feet were safely on the sweet, sweet ground, but didn’t let you go from his arms. The two of you swayed together, basking in each other’s company in the subpar lighting of the kitchen, until you frowned.

“…Hey, is something burning?”

“Ah shit, I burned the chicken.”

———

[mattnben-bennmatt]

Around this time, my mom started learning Spanish and traveling to Central America whenever she could. She went to Guatemala, El Salvador, Honduras. She went mainly to get a better sense of what was happening there and to bring the news back home to help strengthen the case against further US intervention. A lot of activists believed that if American citizens were on the ground in these countries, our government wouldn’t risk their lives by invading. She brought me along on three of the tamer trips. To start with, we’d live with local families and take language classes, and then we’d spend the rest of the trip backpacking around the country, riding on buses filled with chickens. The summer we went to Guatemala, there was still fighting going on up in the mountains. Once, a truck passed me with a bunch of kids in the back. They had camo paint on their faces and guns in their hands. They were on their way to join the battle in the hills. I was seventeen at the time, and they looked like they were around my age or even younger. I’ll never forget making eye contact with one of them and seeing his blank stare. That kid had seen a lot of things I hadn’t and never would. The next summer—it was 1989 and I’d just finished my first year of college—my mom said: “Matt, I’ve been restraining myself on these trips because you and Kyle need a mom. But you’re both grown now, and you should know I’m not going to do that anymore.” She started going to more dangerous places—including Cambridge’s sister city in El Salvador. The town had been suspected of harboring guerrillas, and while she was there, the Salvadoran army came in, fired their guns in the air, and urinated in the town well to contaminate the water. Thankfully my mom was unhurt. She came home even more intent on engaging with the world—on working to figure out what was going on, and how she could take a more active role in righting injustices.

— Matt Damon, in his and Gary White's book The Worth of Water (2002).

[beelspillowpet]

Hello... Could you do some headcanons of the brothers reacting to MC having an ED? Like... Food restriction and p*rging, and, yeah... All of that... Sorry if this is very weird and/or uncomfortable... I struggle with that and I kinda seek comfort... Thanks

So I’ll be the first to say; you’re perfectly fine in asking for this request. You’re not alone in your fight with eating disorders; I have one as well. I try not to touch on it too much in my own media with my characters and such, but I hope you manage to overcome yours, anon. Learning to eat more (or less) is so important and it’s so hard to try and force ourselves to do it right. Please don’t feel like you’re a burden for this ask, it’s brave to even say it outloud, despite being on anon. You’re brave, you’re strong, and you can overcome this.

MC Has An Eating Disorder

CONTENT WARNING BELOW THE CUT!!!! Eating Disorders | Depressive Themes | Generally triggering - please be careful with reading this one.

PLEASE speak to a professional or call the hotline ( (571) 257-3378 ) if you feel like it’s getting beyond your control. Take CARE of yourselves. I don’t know you personally, but I would be sad if you weren’t able to help yourself, especially with how harsh the world has been for the past year.

Lucifer

He notices you don’t eat much at dinner. Originally suspects it’s because the food palette is far from what humans are used to. I mean, brains? From a dragon? They may be Belphie’s favorite, but you weren’t Belphie, now were you? He decides to try and cook (and have his brothers do the same) much tamer foods.

It doesn’t seem to work at first, with how you barely seem to eat. Sometimes you can feel his eyes on you, so you force yourself to scarf down whatever you can before handing the rest to Beel. He keeps an eye on you closely. He invites you to dinners, brunch, the likes. He’s just trying to see what you will and won’t eat.

It’s amazing how he hadn’t caught on to such an obvious answer yet. What makes him realize it though, is after he’s cleaned up from your lunch with him, he finds you in the bathroom, emptying your stomach. He doesn’t fully understand it still. You’ve been found out to been doing this for a long time; even before you got here to the Devildom.

He suspected you were just a smaller person. Something in him just couldn’t believe you were doing this to yourself. He wanted to know why, but getting an answer out of you didn’t seem like a good idea. Chances are you didn’t know either. He brings it up carefully while you two are alone. He explains why he’s concerned, instead of being roundabout with it, choosing to be direct. He cares about you, not just for Diavolo’s sake. He wants you to be able to take care of yourself when he can’t look after you anymore.

Mammon

Is probably the first to notice that you’re starving yourself, save for Beel. He’s been in the business of being a model for long enough, he’s seen others starve themselves and purge just to look thinner. That’s exactly what he catches you doing one day.

He’s worried. He’s dealt with helping his fellow models out with this sort of thing in the past. Albeit not as sensitive, he always managed to get his point across with others. But you? You were eating fine one day, and then for the next three or four days you barely ate anything at all. It’s like you were punishing yourself.

His approach is similar to Lucifer’s but a little more experienced in his talk. He’s explaining that he’s worried about you, and that you need to get some food in you if you’re gonna be able to do anything. With each bit of resistance you give, any excuse you can give, he shoots it down quickly. Mammon has probably heard it a thousand times before. You’re not getting off easy.

He’s trying to be soft yet firm about this. You can tell even he is nervous about this confrontation. Regardless of how you take it, he’s patient and supportive. He even asks you if you’re doing this for a specific reason. He doesn’t expect you to be able to eat full meals the very next day. He catches you snacking on foods every once in a while. Thankfully, healthy stuff instead of junk food. It’s not much, but it’s something for your sake.

Leviathan

He knows almost immediately. He may or may not have a similar issue. Maybe not to the same degree, but he understands it. He decides to wait until you two are alone. Probably in his room. Still he waits, he waits until he can form the words in his head.

When he finally does pick the perfect moment, it’s probably not in his room while you two were watching anime or playing games. He’d likely chickened out in that moment, too afraid of upsetting you with the topic. Instead, he’s now in your room, standing at the door way. Like he’s an intruder, coming to scream at you for your problems.

His words are running together and he’s on the verge of tears. He practiced what he was going to say nearly a thousand times over, but he can barely get a sentence going before the dam breaks and he’s crying. How is he supposed to help you when he can’t even fix his own horrible eating habits? He gets so wrapped up in his otaku life that he sometimes forgets to eat. So who is he to lecture you?

He sits down with you, and you both look into how to fix this. While his problems aren’t as severe, yours definitely are. He doesn’t want to be dramatic, but you seeing a professional about this is probably the best course of action. Neither of you can build up the courage to ask someone else in the house for help, so you call a doctor together. Therapy is now on the table for options of seeking help, and while reluctant still, you wouldn’t bare to see Leviathan like that again. It was for you after all. You wanted to feel better, so he could feel better too.

Satan

Doesn’t pick up on it immediately, but once he does realize it, he’s on to you about it. He makes little remarks about it here and there, never teasing, but very curious. He’s trying to play armchair therapist and figure out what’s causing you to do this to yourself.

Eventually he comes to you while you’re alone and asks you about it. He’s calm and respectful the entire time, trying to get you to open up to him. Is it a lack of control in your life? He can relate to that. Not everyone gets forced to live in Hell for a year and be an exchange student.

He doesn’t exactly shut down each of your attempts of denial so easily as Mammon might, but he’s trying his best. The nonsensical pattern of your eating habits throws him through a loop, and he’s not sure if he’s able to keep up.

He does get one of his friends involved, who happens to be an expert in this field. He just wanted to wager for himself how severe the problem was before he got any help involved. He’s only hoping you can snap out of it and get yourself together. He doesn’t want you starving yourself for any reason.

Asmodeus

Like Levi, he may or may not have had a similar problem. Maybe to the same tune as a model, but it’s not a severe case. Regardless, when he catches you starving yourself, he’s unnerved by it. You said you weren’t hungry but your stomach is growling for food. Everyone thought it might have been Beel’s stomach, but it’s yours.

You’re only eating specific things at specific times. You can’t allow yourself to snack at all, and sometimes when you do, you withhold yourself from eating anything for the next day or so. Sometimes you won’t even leave your room. on those days.

Asmo is smart, so when you start wearing bigger clothes in vain hopes to cover up your skinny body, he steps in. He’s soft spoken and gentle, telling you how much he loves you and cares about you. He’s not afraid to tell you that your eating habits are hurting your body. He’s careful about it, and he’s trying to make sure you understand where he’s coming from. He’s doing this because he sees so many things that can go wrong with this. He doesn’t want any of them to become a reality.

With his help, you start to pick healthier things to eat. You aren’t eating full meals yet, let alone half your plate, but it’s more food than you were consuming before. He keeps you at it and overtime starts to see even more progress with you. He’s glad you’re coming around with his help.

Beelzebub

He for one, is glad that you seem to eat a lot. It’s not every day you see a human able to put food away like he does. Well- not quite like how he does, but close enough! You eat normally while in the dining room with the brothers, but then at night when everyone is in their rooms, you’ll go to the kitchen with him and eat the entire fridge’s contents.

You figured the last person to notice these issues is someone else who has a problem with their eating habits. While Bele isn’t exactly a human, you could consider his eating habits similar to just bingeing. Almost constantly, at that. Disappearing after eating with him is common practice. You’ll rush to the bathroom and purge your stomach of all its contents you had just consumed. Part of you is extremely guilty, eating all that food just so you could throw it up later.

Beel is a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. At some point, he does catch you throwing up into the toilet. He was coming to take a shower before leaving for RAD when he found you doubled over the bowl. It was a few minutes after breakfast. He had figured by now, you’d been doing this for a while, long enough to where you’d start turning the sink on (sometimes flushing the toilet or turning on the shower) to hide the sounds. It didn’t work today.

He didn’t understand why you’d do this to yourself. He’d never really heard of eating disorders before, and always assumed it was normal to just eat whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. He figured trying to be careful with his own eating habits around you, would help you learn to eventually figure out how much you could eat. He’s patient, always talking to you while you eat with him, trying to distract your brain from the stress of eating. When you can’t finish all of your food that’s okay; he’s there to eat however much is left. It works out perfect for the both of you. He just wants to make sure you’ve at least eaten enough for your own body first.

Belphegor

Pica is a strange one. Belphie knows about these sorts of things. His twin brother is Beel, how could he not?

He’s almost certain you’ve got it. He’s never seen a human eat things like dirt, mud, or rocks. Beel, of course has eaten an entire pillar in the Demon Lord’s castle, but he’s not human. He’s not even a normal demon. You, on the other hand, are presumed to be a totally normal human. And humans don’t eat rocks.

He doesn’t know how to properly bring it up at first. He takes you up to the attic for a nap, and while you’re both laying there together, realizes that you two are alone. Now is just as good of a time as any, right?

Because it’s such a fatal things, Belphie is more than just determined to help you. As soon as possible, you’re seeing a doctor for this. He wants you to feel good about yourself, and your body can’t be feeling good if it doesn’t have normal foods to keep itself going. It may seem a bit selfish, but he wants to make it up to you. If you can’t properly care for yourself, he’ll make it his life’s goal to care for you. 

[joonsdiary]

the engagement

↳ part four of the: (not) the love of my life series

pairing: seokjin x reader (female) genre: arranged marriage au // fluff, angst, humour word count: 6,5k

chapter summary: every fleeting glance, every soft touch—each gesture piles onto an insurmountable mountain of feelings you’d rather not have for seokjin.

the proposal | the first date | the ceo’s keeper | the engagement

“Big day tomorrow,” you looked up to see your mother approaching. She slid into the booth where you’ve been sitting comfortably for the last half-hour, trying to get your work done. It was rare to see Hwang Youngmi gallivanting in your hotel, much less the Grigio; to say you were surprised seemed like an understatement. You greeted her with a patient smile and attempted to get back to work. You had homework to catch up to, after all.

“I saw what the tabloids said about your date with Seokjin last night.” Youngmi paused, calling out for a waiter. You rolled your eyes when she ordered a cosmopolitan. It was ten in the morning, for crying out loud. But you knew better than to question the woman.

“Oh yeah? Good things, I hope.”

You meant that. You (and possibly Seokjin, you were unsure) had been working double overtime to make the romance sell. Every gesture, every hand holding, every smile; you convinced yourself it had all been for the sake of your precious hotel.

Granted, you’ve only gone on one other date since you visited the Kim Hotel. Despite coordinating schedules with Seokjin, you had to take a rain check on two other dates you were supposed to have. You had no qualms about the matter, and instead poured several dates worth of PDA on one night it would make Taehyung gag with approval.

“Yes! They’ve even dubbed you as the Tamer. I don’t know how you did it either, dear.”

You rolled your eyes at the name, biting back a smile. Kim Seokjin was far from being tamed, but you entertained the possibility if it had been real. Would you be able to hold down Seokjin for yourself and make him commit? You may never know.

“But, as I said, big day tomorrow,” she sighed wistfully, taking a sip of her freshly delivered cosmo. “I know it’s just an engagement reveal but letting the public know just makes it feel more real.”

“Uh-huh,” you replied without much thought. Your mother grew quiet for a while, and you can feel her stare on you. Ever since dinner on Monday night, she had been amicable, listening to your stories and actually making conversation with you. For other people, that would be a normal thing a mother does. But not Youngmi. She was used to getting her way, each word becoming the ultimatum. Therefore, the mere fact that you went into business and did not become a lawyer like she had wanted for you placed a huge strain in your relationship.

“You could have told me, you know,” she said softly. You looked up from your laptop, eyes wide in mild shock and confusion at her tone.

“About what?”

“When you began liking Seokjin and taking this arrangement seriously,” her eyes moist and you fidgeted, unsure of what to say.

“Oh, that.” Guilt bubbled from the pit of your stomach, crawling its way up to your throat. You scratch the nape of your neck as you think about the future, months from now when you’ll be divorced from him. What would your mother say, then? “It just kind of…happened. When he came here to visit me almost a week ago I — it was an instant attraction.” 

You tried to keep it as simple as possible to avoid getting tangled in a bigger mess. When it came down to it, at least you were telling one half of the truth.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” she began softly, and you closed your journal and gave her your full attention, feeling like you owed it to her. “I know you may think that your father and I drove your business under because we hated you for it, but that was far from what we intended.”

She fiddled with her manicured nails, unable to look you in the eye. Was she giving you the talk? After a huge argument you had with your parents about the hotel’s finances, you made a pact to yourself about not bringing it up with them anymore. Mostly because you always circled back to the same topic of not being able to live up to their dreams for you.

“Your father had the intention of helping you out, and we thought we could, but…” she paused, sighing morosely. “You have to believe me when I say that selling it to the Kims had been a ‘break in case of emergency’ type of decision. They agreed to the purchase but had their concerns regarding their son — hence the marriage.

“I had to agree because I know how much this place means to you; otherwise I wouldn’t have agreed. You know how much I distrust billionaires.”

You both laughed at the comment.

Before you were shipped off to college once upon a time, life with your mother and father were fairly simple. You understood their lack of presence in your large home, as they’ve drilled in your mind constantly that they were working hard to provide for the family. But there was only you, who had been left alone with several housekeepers throughout your youth and young adult life.

That was something you know you might not be able to forgive them for, and your mother knew that. Her attempt at patching up your relationship, despite her unconventional way of doing so, warmed your heart a little.

“When Seokjin’s father suggested to us the idea of having you marry their son, your father was furious — offended by the thought of giving away his only daughter. I convinced him it might be the only way to save the hotel, and perhaps you won’t hate us as much as you already do. That’s why I’d been initially reluctant of sharing the details of the marriage with you.”

Her lips quivered, tears threatening to fall from the corners of her eyes. The sincerity broke your heart.

“Mom, you should have told me sooner,” you chastised, grabbing both of her hands into yours. “We could have found another way.”

“I didn’t want to see you scrape the bottom of the barrel. Getting by without money is hard, Y/N. I know if that happens and you lose your hotel, you wouldn’t ask us for help and close off, which I know is my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed you away when you didn’t want to become a lawyer.”

She gently tugged your arm and pulled you into a warm hug. Your heart wrenched painfully as she sobbed on your shoulder, unable to hold back your tears. You wiped them away quickly before she pulled back.

“Look at me, ruining a celebratory mood,” she laughed nervously, and you can tell she was gauging your reaction. “I’m sorry to be telling you all of this now. But you’re getting married so soon and I’m just…”

“It’s alright, Mom,” you offered a reassuring smile. “Better late than never, right?”

She laughed, genuine this time, as she rubbed your forearm gently.

“Don’t think you’re off the hook just yet, though,” you pout, suddenly feeling childish again.

“I don’t expect to be,” she said candidly, taking another sip of her drink. “I’m not a day drinker but wow, now I realize why people say alcohol gives you courage.”

You snorted, rolling your eyes. “I was wondering why you ordered an alcoholic drink at ten in the morning.”

“I only needed a slight push to get me through the fear.” She admitted, patting your arm softly. You grin before turning your attention back to your notes.

“I’m really glad you’ve grown fond of Seokjin. It would have made me feel guilty for the rest of my life if I had let you marry off just like that,” her eyes were soft and you looked away, afraid that you might share something you shouldn’t.

“Yeah. It feels wrong marrying solely for business.”

The sentiment was said more for yourself than for your mother. No matter which angle you viewed your situation, it was all sorts of odd. But the real world is often unforgiving, and you found yourself wondering if your mother was right; what will have become of you, if not for their rash decision? But at the same time, just because the situation happened to work in your favour, doesn’t mean their unwise decision can be swept under the rug.

You arrived at a conundrum: Morals told you to turn away, but behind it was the reality of losing everything you worked for. It was as if you couldn’t have both.

Maybe the answer was to not overthink it. Ignorance is bliss, after all, so you shelve the thoughts for another day.

“I’ll leave you to it, dear.” Your mother sighs as she slid off the booth. “By the way, remember to bring up how your father had chickened out; he was supposed to accompany me today.”

You laughed at the thought — your father had always been too shy to confess how he truly felt, that much you know of. “I’ll bring it up over tomorrow’s dinner.”

She paused, her lips pursing, attempting to recall something important. “I extended the invitation to Seokjin. Surprise.”

Your eyes widened, but your mother only replied with a playful wink before she turned away.

“That sly woman,” you groaned as you pinched the bridge of your nose. You remembered that Seokjin gave you his number the night prior — you joked that he was playing hard to get by not giving it sooner — and you pulled out your phone.

                                         𝘔𝘰𝘮 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶                                                  𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸.

There’s no instant reply, and it doesn’t come as a shock to you if he was busy in a meeting. So, you shot another text.

                               𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦?

And another.

                                     𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘦                                                      𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘦𝘴.

You set the device face down and decided that waiting for a text back was futile. Your phone vibrated two minutes later, proving you wrong.

𝖠𝗌 𝖿𝖺𝗋 𝖺𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝖾𝗑𝗍𝗌 𝗀𝗈, 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗍𝖾𝗌𝗍.

You rolled your eyes, unable to suppress a smile. There was a text that followed.

𝖲𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝗆𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝗒𝗈𝗎.  𝖨 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝗌𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗉𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇  𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖨 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽𝗇’𝗍 𝖽𝖾𝖿𝗒 𝗆𝗒  𝖿𝗎𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋-𝗂𝗇-𝗅𝖺𝗐.

                                               𝘚𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘺

𝖨 𝖺𝗂𝗆 𝗍𝗈 𝗂𝗆𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌.

                                                𝘍𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨: 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯                                                             𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘻𝘺

𝖨𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒’𝗋𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎,  𝖨  𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄 𝖨’𝗅𝗅 𝗆𝖺𝗇𝖺𝗀𝖾.

                                                     𝘏𝘢-𝘩𝘢. 𝘝𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺.

;)

“Ha! An emoji. He has a personality, ladies and gentlemen,” you exclaimed a little too loud bemusedly. This earned you a couple of looks from patrons trying to eat brunch, but you were too preoccupied with your own amusement to care.

                                            𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯                                              𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰

You were about to set your phone down once more when another notification came through. One glance at the screen caused you to freeze.

“Can’t wait to see you?”

Your stomach performed backflips.

You blinked.

Once.

Twice.

With your heart drumming wildly against your ear, you opened the message.

𝖢𝖺𝗇'𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗂𝗍. 𝖲𝖾𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎.

You inhaled slowly through your nose and exhaled quickly through your mouth, feeling lightheaded. You misread it; let heaven rejoice! The period in between the two words and the absence of the word “to” made all the difference in the world. Who knew?

You gathered your wits long enough to give a nondescript reply.

                                                             𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦.

You instinctively reach for your cup of coffee, only to find it empty. A thought occurred in your caffeinated brain. “Must be the sugar, and the caffeine, of course. I’m always jittery when I drink coffee. Yup. Good ol’ caffeine.”

You struggled to study for the next hour.

                                     *  *  *

“Congratulations on the engagement, Seokjin,” one of the board members clapped his back a little too friendly as they walked out of the conference room. He gave a polite smile. “I’m surprised to see you settling down so quickly.”

The added comment made Seokjin’s eye twitch in annoyance. The hell do you care about my personal life?

“Ready to join the married life like the rest of you, old heads,” he attempted a small banter, which brought the man laughing a little too forcefully. Throughout his tenure as COO, he’s learned a thing or two about how to navigate his way around men and women like this one, who was trying to make empty small talk. He knew well enough the intentions behind the action.

“Well, get ready to miss the bachelor life. It’s only good for a couple of months. Then the real struggle begins,” the man laughed, but Seokjin found no humour in his statement. For someone so adamant about pointing out he should settle down before they make him CEO, the man was doing a pretty bad job at convincing him to stay married.

But he knew better.

He grew up in a household where there was no shortage of love, and they came in the form of Mr. and Mrs. Kim. Throughout much of his childhood and young adult life, he witnessed how the infatuation between his parents never wavered. ‘Til death do us part, indeed.

“I’m sure Seokjin here had his fill of the bachelor life.” His father swooped in and rescued him from the clawed board member. “Isn’t that right, son?”

“As I said, I’m ready to join the married life like you, old heads.” For a few months, at least.

The corners of his father’s eyes wrinkled as he smiled genuinely, eyes misting but not for a second longer. When his father is at work, he never showed anything that would make him seem weak. Not because he questioned his masculinity, but he knew that predators lurked around to sink their teeth into any raw emotion that’s shown, before tearing their prey apart. His father had learned that the hard way, too.

The rest of them also gave curt congratulations, and Seokjin narrowly escaped the rest of the staff’s onslaught. Mina gave him a small smile, followed by the same four words as he passed by her desk on his way to the office. Seokjin laughed and shook his head, thanking her, nonetheless.

He walked back to her desk a few seconds later with a burning question.

“Is there a message from her?” he said without further elaboration, knowing that Mina would know who he’s speaking about.  

He checked his phone earlier, but there was nothing. He asked Mina if there was an e-mail or a phone call just to be thorough, is all. She shook her head and began typing on her computer.

“Did you want me to make a call? Or would you rather send an e-mail?”

Seokjin winced. When Mina said it like that, it sounded wrong on all accounts. Who the hell e-mails their fiancée a “congratulations to us both” after announcing their engagement? The level of cringe was through the roof on that one.

“Can you order a bouquet, instead? The usual?”

Mina nodded, having been well-versed at the art of calling flower shops to send to his dates every time they attempted to ask for another dinner. There was always a card accompanying that read, “I apologize we couldn’t make it work.” It was simple, easy. No loose ends left untrimmed; just like how he preferred things to be.

The realization didn’t sink in until he settled into the chair behind his desk. If Mina instructed ‘the usual’ from ‘Mr. Kim’s office’, the same flowers would be sent. With the same note.

He bolted up from his seat and almost ran out the door of his office. Mina looked at him with a perplexed expression, when he got to her desk.

“Wait! No, don’t send that. Cancel it. Immediately.”

His secretary blinked up at him with an impassive gaze.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Kim, I haven’t made the order yet.”

He sighed, straightening up and pretending to flick imaginary lint off his expensive suit. “Good.”

“But you could’ve called from your office.” Mina raised the handle of the phone to make her point.

Right. Phones.

“I wanted to make my point more concise. In person,” Seokjin cleared his throat. “Sorry for the confusion.”

He began his trek back to his office after receiving an awkward smile from Mina. But then he turned back once more.

“I don’t suppose you know which boutique sells the best tasting chocolate?” He asked her with an apologetic grin.

“Who’s getting chocolates? It better be me, and not your fiancée. She deserves better.” Taehyung waltzed in from the elevator doors and leaned over at the desk before greeting Mina with his usual flirty smile.

“Do you have a better idea?” Seokjin deadpanned, not up to dealing with Taehyung’s banter. He’d had enough from the board members.

“How about giving her something she’ll actually like? What if she’s allergic to chocolates?”

Taehyung was right – but of course, he wouldn’t feed his brother’s ego and say it out loud. It bothered him more than he’d like to admit at the fact that he doesn’t know your preferences. He felt like it was the least he could do; you’re willing to go along with his berserk idea, after all.

“The look on your face reveals it all, dear brother,” Taehyung clicked his tongue, shaking his head with disappointment.

“To be fair, we’ve only gone on two dates.”

“Would you like for me to clap for your amazing accomplishment since you often don’t last more than one?”

Seokjin scowled, hating how Taehyung knew him well enough to push the right buttons. He didn’t need to be reminded of his choice to not commit every single time they talked.

“We’re going to dinner with her parents tonight. Her mom invited me,” he said stoically.

“And you don’t want to go?” Taehyung tipped his head to the side.

“No, it’s not that. Maybe I –”

Then an epiphany struck him. Of course.

“Do you know if Dad still has the Sassicaia?” he supposed he could go ask him now.

“’85?” Taehyung broke into a grin, and Seokjin gave him a knowing look. “Classic. But I’m not sure, I haven’t been back home in a while. Not a bad idea, though. And I don’t think Mom would mind.”

Seokjin’s eyes softened. “No, she wouldn’t.”

The afternoon ended without much fanfare, despite the tumultuous morning that had him teetering on the edge a little. Before he left the office, Seokjin made sure to confirm with his father about the existence of the said red wine in their cellar. His father was more than ecstatic when his son said that he was going to give the vintage to you as an engagement gift, which made Seokjin sigh with relief.

He switched into a pair of casual jeans and a woollen pullover, topping it off with a casual suit jacket. He made sure the small box was in the pocket of his jacket before he made his way to his childhood home to pick up the only bottle of Sassicaia left. He made sure to grab other drinks he knew your parents might like, not lingering any longer than necessary. He texted you before he got into his car to let you know he was on his way to the Hwang Hotel to pick you up.  

“Grigio,” he said out loud, reading the text you sent as soon as he stepped through the doors. He was beginning to think you liked working from the restaurant rather than your actual office. The sight that greeted him let him know why.

You were surrounded by a few hotel staff and waiters alike (he could tell from the difference in uniform) in a booth, engrossed as one bartender with large round eyes told a story animatedly. He couldn’t hear from where he stood, but the way your hair fell back over your shoulders as you tilted your head back and laughed with relish convinced him that it must be that hilarious.

One of the staff with long raven hair kept in a low ponytail saw his entrance and proceeded to whisper something in your ear. His gaze locked into yours and he watched your expression melt into a soft smile, which sent his brain into overdrive. Each quick step he took mimicked his heartbeat, and he willed himself not to buckle under the weight of your stare.

You stood to greet him, revealing the dress you wore to be similar to the one he saw you in a week ago when he’d first met you. It wasn’t quite the replica, but it hugged your curves like it had been made specifically for you. He pulled you in for a quick kiss, which you more than willingly reciprocated.

He noticed your sudden surge of bravery during your previous date, which initially took him by surprise. He wasn’t saying he didn’t like it, per se, but he’d wholeheartedly let you take the reins when it came to initiating affection; he’ll follow whatever boundaries you’ll set.

“You’re early,” you breathed out when he pulled away. He doesn’t miss the blush that began forming in the apples of your cheeks, which he liked perhaps a little too much. “Also, we don’t have to…um…in front of them. I mean, they don’t know the whole thing, but they’re not the paparazzi, so –”

Seokjin grinned at your state of disarray but patted your shoulder wordlessly to let you know that he got your message. You proceeded to introduce your company one by one.

“Jungkook.” The doe-eyed storyteller, who looked too young to be working behind the bar. He lifted his hand and attempted a small wave. Seokjin returned his gesture with a small nod.

“Joohyun.” The raven-haired who’d let you know of his arrival. He recognized her as the one from the front desk days ago, as well. What were her exact words? Good-for-nothing-billionaires? Seokjin grinned, and she gave him a knowing smile.

So that must mean—

“Yoongi,” he greeted before you could introduce him, extending his hand out. Yoongi’s cat-like gaze studied Seokjin’s hand, before firmly clasping it in his. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Likewise.” Yoongi’s voice was gruff, his stare as heavy as the hand that held Seokjin’s.

“Good things, I hope?” Seokjin ventured carefully, but Yoongi’s indifference told him that he knew a lot. Probably more than he’d like to let on.

“Only that you might be the devil’s incarnate,” Yoongi grinned, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. This earned a few quiet laughs from everyone including him.

“Yoongi!” you chastised, exasperated. He shrugged and grinned at you wickedly.

“Your words, not mine.”

Seokjin turned to you with amusement in his eyes, eyebrows knitted in confusion. You offered an apologetic smile. “I may have said that….”

“Multiple times,” Yoongi added. You fidgeted beside him as you cleared your throat.

“Oh wow, look at the time,” you flicked your empty wrist. “We must go.”

“I heard you say he was early just now,” Joohyun pointed out while smirking.

“I hate you all.” You rolled your eyes, but a grin formed on your lips, nonetheless. This earned another round of laughs, even from Yoongi. Seokjin was left in awe at how you managed to draw people in; how you interacted with them.

“No, but really, we should go. The drive is half an hour, and my mom would murder me if we’re late.” You shrugged on your coat, earning a defiant boo! from Joohyun.

After bidding them farewell, you clung onto Seokjin’s arm as you exited the restaurant.

“You should’ve said you were going for a casual. I wouldn’t have dressed up so…” you mumbled so that only he could hear as both of you crossed the lobby.

“Nonsense,” he dipped his head in disagreement. “You look beautiful.”

You turned your ruddy cheeks away from his gaze, and a smile formed on his lips.

“Have a good evening, Ms. Hwang, Mr. Kim,” the doorman bowed. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you, Mr. Park,” you beamed at the old man and Seokjin nodded. The gesture reminded him that your friends didn’t quite share the sentiment — at least not when he was there, anyway.

“How much do they know?” Seokjin began as soon as he pulled out of parking. You gave him a puzzling look and he happily elaborated. “Your friends, I mean. About our agreement.”

“Only Joohyun. I didn’t tell Yoongi, but he figured it out on his own, sort of. Jungkook knew the least — just the fact that we’re in an arranged marriage and that the engagement announcement was for publicity purposes.”

Seokjin nodded; he had a feeling but hearing it from you made him feel better.

“Is that okay?” you asked cautiously.

“You trust them, I trust you,” was all he said.

Seokjin watched you melt into the seat comfortably and he allowed himself to visibly relax as well. He felt queasy on the drive to your hotel from his home, but having you there beside him now, rid him of all his qualms.

He might as well talk about it before he was to meet your parents.

“We have to set our stories straight.” Seokjin broke the silence, and you nodded in agreement.

“My mom asked about it yesterday, and I told her it was instant attraction when you came to visit me a week ago,” you laughed, sounding slightly unhinged. Seokjin could tell you were nervous, as you kept glancing at his direction every so often. “No one was around to witness our conversation at that time, so it’s the perfect origin story.”

He nodded mutely; eyes focused on the road ahead. It was simple and as close to the truth as possible. “There’s another thing. I was going to give it to you tomorrow for your dress fitting, but it seems like I won’t make it.”

He cursed Namjoon for having such perfect timing to return from his honeymoon trip. But the task was urgent and putting it off another day could cause a delay in the construction of the building. Seokjin couldn’t afford to wait any longer.

The next stoplight hit, and he reached inside his suit jacket for the velvet box. He was hit with a wave of nervousness as he carefully opened it to reveal a round cut two-carat diamond ring.

You inhaled a sharp breath, “Seokjin, I…”

“I wasn’t sure of your style, so I opted for something simple.” He took your left hand in his and slid the ring with ease.

“It’s beautiful,” you stared at the glimmering rock, snug around your finger before lifting your moistened eyes to meet his gentle ones. The corner of his lips lifted into a small smile and his heart swelled with pride. There was an odd tension in the air when neither the two of you pulled away, your hand warm in Seokjin’s grasp.

The air in the car grew hot and Seokjin found it hard to swallow the lump in his throat. The unconventionality of the situation you were both in terrified him – you weren’t someone he’d have a long-term relationship with, so he had no qualms about committing. But at the same time, your stint with him isn’t short, either.

“Wow. I guess we’re unofficially official,” you mumbled, laughing quietly. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

Seokjin was close enough that he could physically count the lashes in your eyes as they fluttered softly against your ruddy cheeks. But if he leaned closer…

The blaring horn that came from behind the car was enough to snap him out of his thoughts. He straightened up on his chair just as the car pulled up beside them, pausing to give Seokjin the middle finger. Rolling his eyes, he nodded and waved the driver off.

“What an asshole,” you seethed. He turned just in time to see you flipping off the guy as he drove away. Seokjin titled his head back and laughed, easing his feet off the break as his car began moving once again.

“Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

You shrugged, smirking victoriously.

Seokjin kept tabs in his head. Two down, one to go.

“I got you something else.” He trailed his eyes on the road, careful not to lose focus. You freeze, laughing nervously.

“There’s more?” you squeaked.

Seokjin nodded.

“Taehyung was biting my ass about getting you chocolates as a congratulatory gift of some sort.” You laughed quietly beside him, mumbling something about ‘Typical Taehyung’. He left the bit out about almost giving you a we-can’t-see-each-other-anymore farewell bouquet. “So, it got me thinking…”

He paused, giving you a slanted gaze. You eagerly hung onto his words and he smirked.

“…about how much you drink.”

You balk at him and scoff, crossing your arms in front of you. “Are you insinuating that I’m an alcoholic?”

He bit back a smile; he was enjoying this a little too much.

“Anyway, I think we’ve established that I don’t know what your likes and dislikes are, yet,” he paused, licking his lips. He hoped you weren’t offended by his statement, and he took your shrug as an incentive to proceed. “I did notice, however, that you had a certain preference when you ordered your drinks.”

“It’s an acquired taste,” you joked. “Why, did you purchase me a vineyard? Will it be included in the prenup agreement?”  

“I can if you want,” he smirked, shrugging nonchalantly.

“I’m kidding. Don’t throw your money at me. I don’t want it,” you deadpanned.

“I know you don’t,” Seokjin smiled fondly at you. “Dad has a lot of different vintages, and I thought you’d like wine better than chocolate.”

“I would’ve been fine with either one, honestly. Or both,” you beamed at him. “Is it red?”

“Mhm,” he nodded. “Sassicaia, 1985.”

You gaped at him. “That’s weird. We’ve been trying to add that in our inventory, but it’s so hard to get a hold of one from that year. We’ve had to settle for recent ones, which isn’t as good, I assume, but — wow.”

“I guess now you’ll find out.” He grinned, but his hand gripped the steering wheel. “It was my mom’s favourite, but she’d only have it on special occasions. I got in trouble when I was fifteen because Namjoon and I snuck into the cellar and emptied a bottle. Little did I know, that would be the last time I’ll see her.”

Seokjin laughed morosely at the memory, but you didn’t say anything. He let the silence simmer for a bit. He didn’t plan on sharing that much but once a little bit slipped, he let the whole dam open.

“I’ll only accept it if you add it on the prenup.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t take it back,” he smirked, letting the topic pass. He loosened his grip on the wheel and rolled his shoulder back.

                                     *  *  *

An hour and a half later, the bottle of Merlot that Seokjin brought with him was almost empty; courtesy of your mother, of course. She was rightfully buzzed and spilling all of your embarrassing childhood stories she could remember; and the woman had a damn good memory. You gave a pleading look to your father, but there was only so much he could do.

“Remember that one time you asked me if you could marry our previous neighbour’s son? What was his name?” she trailed off, snapping her fingers towards your father.

He more than graciously helped. “Hyunwoo.”

“Hyunwoo!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands. You rolled your eyes and prepared yourself for an onslaught of memories you couldn’t bury. “You practically had a fit in their front lawn, refusing to leave until he proposed to you.”

“I was five, Mom.” You deadpanned, stabbing the leftover asparagus before twirling your fork mindlessly. She all but glossed over your protest.

“Anyway, I’m bringing this up because I remember I saw him at my friend’s daughter’s wedding three weeks ago — he told me he was the best man — and he grew up! And I mean actually grew! He’s got these huge muscles and —”

“Mom please get to the point,” you shared a look with your dad before you both shook your head. Seokjin laughed beside you as he finished the rest of his water.

(He’d argued that he was the designated driver so he wouldn’t drink, despite your mother offering that the two of you could sleepover, ending the sentence with a not-so-subtle wink.)

“Right, well, he still remembered and asked about you! Imagine that. Actually, now that I mentioned it, he asked me to pass along his number to you, but by that point, the deal with Seokjin’s father was in the works, so I couldn’t possibly have done that.”

You paused as you stared at your mother incredulously, trying to keep your level of anger to a minimum.

“You still could have told me. You had no right to keep me from reconnecting with old friends.”

She scoffed. “I couldn’t let you ruin the deal, Y/N.”

Your anger spilled over as you angrily slammed your silverware down. Gone was your mother who had apologized to you the night prior for her actions, or lack-there-of. What emerged was the controlling Youngmi who needed things to go her way, no matter how wrong the path carved was.

Seokjin must have noticed the steam billowing from your ears because he placed a comforting hand on your knee. He gave you an encouraging smile, and it made your heart flutter.

You let your mother ramble on as his palm didn’t leave you. His thumb occasionally skimmed on the exposed skin of your thigh, which sent a warm feeling where you made yourself off-limits from Seokjin. That wasn’t part of your agreement and was something you weren’t willing to sign off on. Despite that, he made it difficult for you not to think about his mouth on your lips, down the nape of your neck, to the valley between your chest and –

“— isn’t that right, dear?” your mother looked at you expectantly, her face as red as a tomato. She definitely needed to stop drinking more alcohol before she passed out.

“Huh? Yeah, sure,” you glanced at Seokjin for help, feeling warm and flushed. He shrugged, those sinful lips quirking up with a smirk. You leaned in close to him to whisper, “What did I just agree to?”

“She said you were going to bless her with grandchildren soon,” his hand lifted to prop his elbow on the table, leaving your thigh devoid of heat. Your face blanched and your head snapped to your mother, who was already giggling.

“Alright, I think that’s enough fun for one night,” your father stood from the head of the table. He gently placed his arms around her shoulder to help her stand while he gave you an apologetic smile.

“Good idea. We’ll clean up,” you sighed, relaxing into your chair for the first time that night. Your father mumbled something about coming back down to help after he’d set down your staggering mother. It was quiet for a while, and neither you nor Seokjin spoke. You felt that he was studying you, chin snuggly resting on his palm.

“What?” you asked, refusing to look anywhere but him.

“It wasn’t as bad as you made it sound to be,” you can hear the smile in his voice.

“For you, maybe.” You rolled your eyes and stood to gather the soiled dishes. “You weren’t the subject of constant badgering. You’re not welcomed to share any information you heard from my mother against me, by the way.”

He followed you into the kitchen carrying glasses of wine. Carefully stacking up the plates, you turned on the faucet to soak them.

“Not even the part where you agreed to have children with me?”

You whirled around only to be met with his broad shoulders that were only accentuated by the knitted pullover that he wore. The proximity made his presence feel imposing. No matter how many times he’d held you against him for the cameras to capture, you might never get used to him.

Like a moth to a flame, your gaze fell onto his, eyes wicked with the anticipation for your answer.

“I was distracted.” You said as nonchalantly as you could. That’s how much you were willing to go as far as admissions went; half-truths were becoming your motto.

“By what, exactly?” he challenged, stepping closer. Instincts told you to back off, but you held your ground. It turned out being brave cost you the remaining personal space you had. You gulped audibly, eyes trailing down to his lush lips before meeting his gaze once more. Why the hell were they always so plump and moist?

As if on cue, he leaned closer and your heart began hammering nervously against your chest. Sure, you had kissed him before, but not like this. The tension made you squeeze your thighs together as your shoulder tensed.

Your eyes were beginning to flutter close when you noticed that he leaned his head to the side, arms reaching for something behind you.

His breath was hot against your ears when he said, “You forgot about the water.”

You quickly side-stepped from him as he turned off the faucet. You swore you could hear his quiet laughter as you walked back to the dining table to clear more dishes. The quiet pattering down the stairs signalled your father’s arrival.

“You don’t have to clean it up, I’ll be fine. You should start heading out soon,” he glanced at the wall clock on the far end of the room and nodded. “Before it gets too late.”

“But dad, there’s a lot to clean up, and I don’t want you to —”

“There’s a reason why they invented a dishwasher, Y/N,” your father patted your shoulders carefully. “I’ll be fine.”

“Wow, Dad, I didn’t know you’d want to get rid of me that quickly,” you rolled your eyes, grinning playfully at him.

“To my favourite daughter? I could never,” he said, exasperated.

You giggled and moved closer to wrap your arms around his large figure.

“I’m sorry for our shortcomings; your mother and I,” your father began with a shaky voice.

“Not you, too,” you laughed softly, pulling away from him. “Mom already gave me the talk yesterday, don’t worry.”

He looked at you hesitantly, and you reassuringly squeezed his arm.

“Thank you for the lovely dinner, Mr. Hwang.” Seokjin emerged from the kitchen after putting away the rest of the plates.

“I’m glad you liked the food. I wasn’t sure if it was up to your standard,” father said playfully, before turning to give you a wink.

“That’s hardly the case at all,” Seokjin laughed softly. “It reminded me a lot of home. My mom liked cooking a lot, too.”

“Well, lucky for you, you’re part of the family now. Holidays are like this too – only more chaotic. We have a huge extended family,” he laughed, clapping Seokjin in the back. You winced; technically, Christmas was a little over two months away. Would your agreement with Seokjin be in effect, by then, and you’ll be on your merry way? Or would you still be ‘together-but-not-really’?

“I’m looking forward to it,” Seokjin smiled genuinely.

Was this part of his act, too? If so, he was pretty damn convincing.

[adenei]

Endings and Beginnings (In Three Parts)

And now, for my Hinny Incognito Elf fic! This was written for eevylynn, and tells the tale of the lead-up of Harry and Ginny’s relationship during HBP from Ginny’s perspective :) Side Romione included 

Please like/reblog and/or leave kudos on Ao3

**********************

The Break-Up

Ginny couldn’t sleep. She was having trouble calming her mind, as she couldn’t stop thinking about the events of the night. It hadn’t been what she’d planned on, but in retrospect, Ginny supposed it had been coming for a while. She tried to tell Dean multiple times that she didn’t need his help with certain things, like being guided by the small of her back through the portrait hole. 

If she was being honest, something had started to feel off between them at the beginning of March. Right around the time when Ron was poisoned. Ginny had started spending more time while he was in the hospital wing with Harry and Hermione, and Dean had expressed his displeasure, which ended in their first huge row. She told him he didn’t have the right to tell her who she chose to spend her time with, and that her brother had almost died! Dean had tried to come back with the argument that he had Harry and Hermione, which sent Ginny off the deep end. ‘I’m his sister!’ she’d shouted at him in the halls, as she told him he’d need a better reason than that. To which he’d muttered something unintelligible about Harry. Ginny stormed off after that, unwilling to hear any more.

Dean did apologize eventually, but then she started getting bored when they’d go off to snog. He didn’t give her the same thrill he used to at the start of their relationship. Plus, what had once been kind gestures became mild annoyances that began to fester. At least this was what she was trying to tell herself. It would have been easier if he’d accepted the breakup easily. If he’d felt the same way, that the breakup was imminent. But instead he’d acted blindsided. He’d even tried to plead with her in the common room. ‘I won’t do it again, I promise, Gin. Let’s not be rash and end things over that.’ 

But it wasn’t just that and she’d told him as much before storming off up the girl’s staircase to her dormitory. Ginny felt bad that she didn’t give him more of an explanation, but she couldn’t. It’d break him even more than the lame excuse she’d used to end things already. Plus, it’d probably have confirmed whatever he’d muttered back in March, and she was too stubborn to admit he was right. 

She’d taken Hermione’s advice, and tried to date around a bit to forget her crush on Harry, but then last summer happened. They’d become closer than before, and Ginny loved the idea that they could be friends. Except that her heart still leapt any time he’d flash a grin at her, or when they’d go for a fly and she’d see the carefree side of Harry that he rarely showed anyone. Dare she even admit that there was the slightest banter of innocent flirting between them. 

Ginny knew she’d made the right decision when she felt her heart flutter at the mere thought of Harry. Yet she still sighed as she flopped back, her head hitting the pillow in the continued frustration of being unable to shake her feelings for him. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed when there was a knock on the door.

“Ginny?” Hermione popped her head in the doorway.

“Over here,” Ginny said, happy to have a distraction and some company.

Hermione walked over and sat on her bed. “I heard what happened...I’m sorry,” she offered.

“Yeah, you and everyone else in the common room.” Ginny rolled her eyes as she sat up. “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad it’s over.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, you weren’t the only breakup tonight, and yours was much tamer than what came after.” Hermione was having trouble hiding the smile that was creeping across her face.

“Oh?” She could have guessed, but figured she’d let Hermione say it. 

“Ron and Lavender broke up!” Hermione said with glee. 

“It’s about time,” Ginny said as she smiled. “How’d it happen?”

“Oh, well, we were upstairs in the boy’s dorm with Harry, and-” Hermione looked around to make sure they were alone, but then cast muffliato just in case, “he put on the cloak because he was going to sneak out of the common room for, er-” 

“Lesson with Dumbledore?” Ginny asked.

“Y-yes. Yes! Anyways, because he was under the cloak, Ron and I came down and it looked like we’d been alone up there, and Lavender was not happy. I almost felt bad for Ron. People halfway across the castle probably could have heard her shouts,” Hermione said.

“Eh, he probably deserved it. Should have broken up with her a while ago,” Ginny commented. 

“Kind of like you and Dean?” Hermione raised her eyebrows in question.

“What?” Ginny countered, but Hermione only responded with a knowing look. “Yeah, alright. It was overdue, but sometimes it’s hard to break something that’s comfortable for something that’s never going to happen.”

“I wouldn’t count your chickens before they hatch..” Hermione said pensively.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Ginny questioned.

“It’s just a muggle expression,” Hermione said smugly. “Well, I’m going to go up to bed, but I think Harry’s still down in the common room. Said something about attempting to catch up on his homework for McGonagall.”

Ginny eyed her suspiciously as she hopped off the bed and left for her own dorm room. She sat there for a bit, considering what Hermione had said. Should she go down there? She was bored, having been cooped up here all evening, avoiding Dean. But she was also comfortable. 

Then, as if fate was interfering, her dorm mates came in the room giggling about something, and Romilda had this smug look on her face. A surge of jealousy flowed through her system. Romilda had been after Harry all year, with no success luckily, but it still annoyed Ginny to think that she could get her bloody paws on him. 

That was all it took for Ginny to stand up, and head down to the common room. Sure enough, Harry was sitting in his favorite spot on the couch, but his homework lay abandoned on the table in front of him as he was staring at the fire. Ginny walked over and sat on the opposite side of the couch. The common room was all but deserted at this point.

“Last I checked, the fireplace isn’t going to help you finish that essay,” Ginny said wittily, grabbing Harry’s attention.

“Oh, hey Gin,” he said. “I, er, heard about you and Dean. Sorry…” 

“Are you really, though?” Ginny asked him, one of her eyebrows had arched in question.

“Do you really want the answer to that?”

“Answering a question with a question. That’s clever, Potter,” Ginny smirked at him.

“Well, it sidetracked you, didn’t it?” Harry laughed.

“It did, but your strategy just failed because you reminded me again. And yes, I would like the answer to that.” Ha, take that, Ginny thought.

She could tell Harry was contemplating his answer, and wondered why. Did it have to do with something that Hermione had said? “No, ‘m not sorry. You can do better than Dean.”

“Oh? Like who? Careful about your answer though, Potter. Wouldn’t want to pull a Ron on me,” Ginny warned. She had to remind herself to breathe when she realized she was holding her breath as she waited for his answer.

“Well, not Seamus, that’s for sure,” Harry laughed as Ginny rolled her eyes. Of course he’d suggest another person who wasn’t good enough for her. 

“I guess I’ll let that one slide, but if you do have a suggestion regarding my love life, I’d love to hear. You must be doing something right, yourself,” Ginny grinned as she made an innocent dig at him.

“Oi! Here I am, trying to be a supportive friend, and you just go for the low blow.” Harry feigned offense. 

Ginny laughed. She loved how easy it was to talk to Harry, which was a far cry from her preteen self. Her mood had vastly improved since coming down to the common room, and she was secretly thanking Hermione for the tip to come downstairs. Which reminded her, “So...Lavender and Ron?”

“About time, isn’t it?” Harry said.

“Hermione seemed quite happy about it,” Ginny said as they shared a look. “You don’t suppose they’ll finally sort things out, do you?”

“Anything will be better than what happened over the last four months,” Harry muttered.

Ginny watched him carefully. They’d joked about Ron and Hermione’s constant bickering and how they thought it was flirting, taking bets about when one would finally make a move on the other. He’d seemed okay with it last summer, so why was he close-lipped about it now? “How would you feel if those two got together?”

“Dunno,” he said simply. 

A thought crossed Ginny’s mind. “Harry, you don’t- you don’t fancy Hermione, do you?”

“What? No! No way. She’s like my sister,” Harry defended himself quickly. “Why would you even suggest that?”

“You’re acting weird about it,” Ginny told him. “Not like this summer, when we were having a laugh over it.”

Harry just shrugged. “I’m just happy they’re talking again. Maybe the four of us could hang around more, you know, like the summer.”

Ginny could tell when he didn’t want to talk about something, so she didn’t push it. Instead, she thought about what he’d said about the summer. She tried to hide the excitement about Harry wanting to spend more time with her. 

In an attempt at playing it cool she said, “Only if you help me with revising for Defense. O.W.L.s are coming up, you know.”

“Er, yeah, sure! I may be able to help with potions, too. Everything else, you’re better off asking Hermione for help,” Harry said as he flashed her a smile.

“I’m sure you could help just fine,” Ginny returned his smile with one of her own. “You did manage E’s in everything else, didn’t you?” She watched him shrug as the faint hint of a blush tinged his cheeks. “Anyways, it is late, and we do have class in the morning. Unlike you, some of us have class during the first hour tomorrow,” she teased.

“Yeah, you’re right. See you tomorrow?” he asked as they both stood up and headed to their respective staircases.

“Not if I see you first,” Ginny said as she laughed. It was one of the twins favorite things to say that she’d taken a liking to as well. It had become one of her signature flirting lines. She froze, but it didn’t seem as though Harry had heard anything out of the ordinary. “Night, Harry,” Ginny said as she turned and climbed up the staircase.

The Insinuation

“Harry, we’re going to be fine, don’t worry,” Ginny reassured him for what seemed like the millionth time. 

Everyone had been on form during their last few practices. They were pulling through in spite of the broken morale after Harry’s incident a few weeks back. Luckily, Harry had still been permitted to attend practices and coach the team even though he couldn’t play in the final match due to Snape’s detentions. This gave Ginny the opportunity to focus on her seeker skills, and Dean, Demelza and Katie could get used to working together as chasers.

“I know, I know,” Harry said.

Ginny leaned in and nudged his side with her shoulder. “Then why do you still have that worried look on your face?” She looked up at him through her lashes. 

They’d been spending a fair amount of time together both on and off the quidditch pitch. Ginny had started to drop subtle hints here and there, but Harry seemed to remain oblivious. There were times when she was about ready to give up her pursuit, thinking that maybe Hermione’s subtle nudging was just for a laugh. But then it was always Harry who would ask if she wanted to go to the library in the evening, and Harry who would make Ron and Hermione wait for her to go down to breakfast in the mornings.

“Because it doesn’t matter how on form you all play tomorrow, I’m still letting you all down by not being there! I’ve never hated Snape more in my life,” Harry muttered as he kicked at the ground.

“Harry, you know I agree with you on the whole Snape thing, but you did almost kill Malfoy. It’s just a shame he couldn’t push this one detention to a different time. I promise I’ll give you the whole rundown after the match.”

Harry looked to her as he said, “Thanks, Gin. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Ginny had to force herself to keep moving and to play it cool despite the breath that hitched in her throat and the sudden fast beating of her heart at Harry’s comment. She was thankful for her quick wit, which allowed her to comment without Harry knowing that her insides were about to explode from excitement. 

“Probably something stupidly noble or nobly stupid,” she said giving him a look. They both erupted into laughter. 

They continued walking up the corridor when Ginny recognized one of the Fat Lady’s friends watching them interestedly. She nudged Harry with her elbow and nodded with her head. “Is it just me? Or are they watching and possibly gossiping about us?” she said under her breath.

Harry looked up at what she was referring to. “Er, I dunno, Gin, can’t say I really notice what the portraits do on a regular basis.”

Ginny rolled her eyes in exasperation as she heard one of the portrait ladies giggle and say, “Oh don’t mind us, dear!”

“So you are staring, then!” Ginny said in triumph. 

“No, no! Just watching carefully. We like to be current with the state of relationships! If I may offer some advice,” she was addressing Harry now, “I’m sure the lovely lady would appreciate some hand holding at the very least,” the lady on the right said.

“Relationships? What are you on about?” Harry asked. 

They ignored Harry’s question as the lady on the left chimed in with, “I think the corridor up ahead is vacant if you’re looking for a place, too! Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone,” she said innocently. 

Ginny stared incredulously at the portrait. “Oi! What in the bloody hell are you talking about?”

“Aww, look how shy they’re being, Violet! It’s quite clear you two are the newest couple in Hogwarts!”

“It’s about time,” Violet agreed.

“What?!” Harry and Ginny both said at the same time. 

“We’re not-” Harry said.

“Why would you-” Ginny added. 

Neither finished their sentence before Ginny looked at Harry and said, “C’mon Harry, let’s get out of here. Clearly, the portraits have lost touch with reality, as they don’t know how friends act anymore.” She gave the ladies in the portrait a dirty look as they continued walking without looking back.

What was once a comfortable conversation had now been replaced with an awkward air. After what felt like an eternity of walking towards the Gryffindor common room, Harry broke the silence with an apology that wasn’t his to give. “Er, sorry…” he said, looking anywhere but at Ginny.

“Sorry for what? Last I checked you weren’t one of those old batty women in the portraits,” Ginny commented.

“Er, no, but we have been spending more time together. If it’s too much-”

“It’s not,” Ginny said, perhaps a little too quickly.

She noticed a wave of relief fall over him at her words. “I mean, if the portraits think we’re together, then maybe we should at least give them something worthwhile to talk about,” Ginny laughed at the thought of messing with the portraits. 

Harry didn’t answer her, and he looked seemingly lost in another thought. “Are we really acting like that?”

“Like what?” Ginny asked for clarification.

“Like a...couple?” Harry choked out.

Ginny thought about his words. They were spending quite a bit of time together, about the same that she’d spent with Dean on any given day, at least. And sure, maybe there had been some innocent flirtation, but neither was any the wiser on how the other person felt. 

“Um, not that I was aware of,” she lied. “We’re just two friends enjoying each other’s company, and sometimes taking the piss on each other, now and then. Maybe even in the form of innocent flirting” Ginny chanced.

Harry chuckled at her words. “Yeah, you’re right,” he agreed.

Wait, did Harry just agree to the idea of flirting? She really wanted to ask, but by that point they’d entered the common room and Hermione was waving him over. She probably wanted to know how Ron had performed tonight to get a better idea of his mood.

“Well, I’m going to turn in early for the night,” Ginny told him. “I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?”

“Er, yeah,” Harry said awkwardly as Ginny took off for the girl’s staircase. 

It was all Ginny could do to avoid thinking about their conversation in the corridor. Maybe she’d convince him to mess with the portraits some more after the match tomorrow and see where things would lead. At the very least, it could be fun to take the piss out of the Fat Lady’s drunken friends. But for now, she had to focus on the match tomorrow, which meant giving herself a little space from Harry for the night, both mentally and physically. 

The Kiss

There was a deafening rush of sound that flooded Ginny’s ears after she’d caught the snitch. She looked at the magical scoreboard. They’d won. They actually pulled it off! Ginny flew down to the pitch where she joined the rest of the team in a huddle/hug and she looked at the stands where the Gryffindors were losing their minds.

Yet the only thought she could focus on was Harry. She couldn’t wait to tell him! She hoped his detention wouldn’t last all day because she was already bursting at the seams with excitement. He’d trusted her to lead them in his absence, and she did. Ginny saw Professor McGonagall’s satisfied smile. Maybe she’d be in the running for Captain next year, not that she’d want to take that away from Harry, but it would be nice. 

She found herself in the locker room, putting her broom away and changing out of her sweaty gear. She waited for the rest of the team, so they could make their victory march back up to the school. Ginny decided to wait outside the locker room for the rest of the team members and saw Hermione waiting there, a beaming smile on her face. They waited together as the rest of her teammates filed out. Finally, the last members emerged; Ron was walking out with Dean.

Things were less awkward than they had been. At least they were until Hermione ran up to Ron and hugged him in congratulations, leaving Ginny standing awkwardly next to Dean. “Oi! Is everyone ready to head back up to the common room, then?” The team members all nodded as they began their walk back to the castle. 

The party was already raging in the common room by the time they made it through the portrait hole, and the Gryffindor’s cheers could probably be heard throughout the entire castle when the team entered. They were all handed butterbeers as Ron was holding the Cup in his arms, Hermione at his side. More rounds of ‘Weasley is our King’ could be heard as Ginny decided to hang out near the doorway with Ron and Hermione. 

If they didn’t think that was at all normal, neither said anything. After all, Ginny had been spending more time with them lately. Ginny downed her butterbeer in an attempt to calm her nerves, and looked around for a second one. She found them by the fireplace, but as she made her way over, she heard someone shout, “He’s back!” 

Ginny turned around and froze, waiting to see if it was true. Sure enough, she saw a black mess of hair appear through the portrait hole and heard Ron shout, “We did it! We won!” 

She watched as Harry looked at Ron, who was holding the cup, but then his eyes were searching for something else, someone else. He scanned the room, and her heart stopped briefly when his eyes met hers and he froze. She nodded, solidifying Ron’s words with one motion, and then she watched him move toward her and her feet stepped forward to meet him somewhere in the middle.

He had this wild look in his eye, and she was just about to ask him what was wrong when he closed the gap between them and kissed her. Harry freaking Potter was kissing her! And not in private. In front of the whole bloody lot of Gryffindors! Speaking of...she pulled away slightly. She needed to make sure this was real. 

But in typical Harry fashion, he looked not at her, but at her brother. She hoped Colin had his camera and was able to capture the look on Ron’s face. Hermione was holding his arm, and looking between the two. Her worried look turned into a bright smile when Ron cocked his head to the side and grunted what Ginny assumed was his ‘blessing.’ Not that she needed it, but she appreciated it nonetheless.

She saw Harry’s own face break out into a more relaxed grin as the rest of the common room erupted once more. He finally looked back at her and gestured toward the portrait hole. He may have said something, but there was no way she could have heard anything. Ginny nodded as he took her hand and led her back out from where he’d just entered. 

She heard the Fat Lady laugh and say, “It’s about time, you two,” as they headed down the corridor and found an empty classroom. The door had barely shut behind them before their lips locked for a second time. She felt Harry’s hands wrap around her waist as hers wrapped around his neck. 

They’d barely started snogging before Harry pulled away abruptly. “Wait, is this- this is okay, right?”

Ginny smirked at him. “Well, your form is a bit off, but I’m sure I could teach you a few things,” she said suggestively.

“Very funny,” Harry said as he rolled his eyes. “I’m serious, Gin.”

“If it wasn’t okay, you would know already, Harry,” she finally said sincerely.

“Brilliant,” he said. Ginny leaned in, finding his lips with hers as they fell into an easy rhythm. 

Some time later, they broke apart. Ginny was impressed at how quickly Harry had improved, picking up on the art of snogging. “Should we take a walk? It’s rather beautiful out today to be stuck in a stuffy classroom.”

“You’re sure you don’t want to go back to the party?”

“I’d much rather do this,” Ginny told him as they exited the classroom. They turned in the opposite direction of the common room as they made their way out to the grounds.

Harry and Ginny stopped by the large oak tree that shaded the Black Lake and sat down, guarded by the privacy from any onlookers.  “So…” Harry said.

“I’m listening,” Ginny said through a smirk. 

“Are we, er…” Harry stuttered.

“I don’t know, do you want to be?” Ginny knew it was cheeky to be teasing him about this, but she just couldn’t help it. Harry Potter, the boy who had defeated You Know Who once and fought him another three times, the boy who had saved her from death in the Chamber of Secrets, was having trouble asking her out. 

“Y-yeah, but only if you want that,” Harry said. 

“I think me kissing you back is a good indication,” Ginny smiled. She supposed she could have just been up front and given him an easy yes or no, but she knew he could handle her sarcasm. It was part of their easy banter, what made their friendship so special and unique. They tended not to take each other’s shite.

“That’s what I was hoping for,” he said as he leaned in and kissed her again. If Ginny wasn’t sure about her decision to break things off with Dean before, those doubts had disappeared. Now, a new chapter was beginning. One that had only been in her dreams for far too long. But now it was a reality. The best reality she could have ever hoped for as she melted into Harry’s arms and enjoyed their day together in the bright May sunshine. 

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Halloween Special Villains

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Ah, Halloween, that magical, spooky time of year where ghosts and goblins come out to play and children dress up in the hopes of getting some delicious Halloween candy. But what about all of us who are trapped at home on the night of this pagan costume and candy festival? What do we have to keep us entertained?

Why, Halloween specials of course!

If there’s one thing Halloween delivers on almost as well as Christmas does, it’s spooky Halloween-themed episodes of cartoons, where the show is allowed to get darker and more disturbing than it usually does in some cases. And what is any special without a special one-shot villain? Gotta have someone stirring up some Halloween trouble on this spooky night. And since these characters are usually one and done with little in the way to go super in-depth about, I’d figure we’d look at five of them at once! They are:

Jack O’Lantern from The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

Pumpkinator from The Fairly OddParents

Bun-Bun from Underfist

Fright Night from Danny Phantom

Ron Tompkins from Toy Story of Terror!

I’m sure some of you feel there are some glaring omissions. Where’s the Flying Dutchman? Where’s Stickybeard? Well, I decided that this time around I’d go with characters whose major appearances and debuts are Halloween episodes; both those guys had major roles in non-Halloween episodes as well, so I’ll be saving them for full reviews at a later date. Also of note: I am aware the story of Toy Story of Terror! does not take place on Halloween, but it is aired as a Halloween special, so I’m counting it.

Actor: So if there’s one thing these guys aren’t lacking in, it’s the actor department, and this isn’t a huge shock since when you’ve got a holiday special you want to splurge a bit, you know?

Jack has one of my favorite actors ever, the always-awesome Wayne Knight. Knight just has that sort of voice that’s perfect for smug jerk characters like Mr. Blik or Dennis Nedry, so really it’s pretty fitting for a pranking trickster like Jack, though I will say that it’s hard to match Knight’s voice to the human version of Jack when you see him in a flashback.

Ron Tompkins isn’t too far behind in the impressive VA department, being voiced by none other than Stephen Tobolowsky, who you may remember as the overbearing Ned Ryerson from GroundHog Day (and how can you forget him? You see him repeating the same scene about thirty times). He does a great job at making Tompkins cartoonishly evil and mostly enjoyable, a tall order for a character who steals toys from children to sell online.

And if you thought the list of awesome actors was done, boy were you wrong! Star Trek’s very own Michael Dorn voices the Fright Knight, and Dorn’s voice is absolutely perfect for a cool, evil, undead knight.

Bun-Bun is voiced by Dave Wittenberg who is an insanely prolific VA, playing characters such as Henry Wong from Digimon Tamers (AKA the beast season of Digimon) to none other than Kakashi from Naruto. I think it goes without saying a VA this versatile manages to make the role work.

And finally, we have the Pumpkinator, who is played by Dee Bradley Baker, and if I sat here listing all the notable roles this man has played we’d be here all night. But here’s a small sample: Appa, Momo, Squilliam Fancyson and Bubble Bass, Klaus the goldfish, Cow and Chicken’s dad, Cinderblock and Plasmus, the Alien and Predator in Mortal Kombat, Lion and Frybo, Numbah 4 and the Toilenator, Remy Buxaplenty, most of the animals in The Legend of Korra… you get the picture. This guy’s a legend. He’ll do any sort of role, big or small, so even if he’s not playing the most complex character here, he’s at least giving it a unique spin with his voice because man, this guy has RANGE.

Motivation/Goals: Jack has a rather simple motivation: revenge. You see, ages ago he managed to steal Grim’s scythe when he was about to be reaped, and bartered for the scythe’s return, asking to be made immortal. Grim reluctantly gave him this, but, as Grim is not someone who likes being tricked, also cut his head off. As anything cut off with Grim’s scythe is permanently cut off, Jack had to replace his head with a pumpkin (of course). This lead to him being shunned as a freak, which just made jis desire for vengeance even stronger; I mean, wouldn’t you want revenge if you could only go to the ding-dong grocery store to get pudding once a year?

If you want to get even simpler, the Pumpkinator is your guy! He exists simply to blow up planets. Tat’s it. He’s very much just an obstacle Timmy needs to overcome so that he can undo his wish for every Halloween costume to be “real and scary” before the consequences end up destroying the world.

Bun-Bun is rather simple as well: he just seems to be a jerk. But they don’t just make him a simple jerk, no, this is a Billly & Mandy spinoff so things have to be taken to their ridiculous extreme. Bun-Bun turns out to be behind numerous extremely petty actions that affected the lives of the main heroes, having haunted Hoss as a child and made him afraid of monsters, made Billy afraid of spiders which estranged him from his son Jeff, and, uh, sawed off Fred Fredburger’s tusks. The fiend! As you might guess, there’s no real rhyme or reason to this, it’s just goofy absurdist over-the-top sort of thing you’d expect from Maxwell Atoms.

Ron has a relatively simple motivation, but frankly it might be the most evil out of all of these: the man steals toys from the children who stay at his motel to sell them for monetary gain. Yes, this is more evil than attempting to blow up the planet, you heard me. I have no idea how sick and twisted you have to be to think that stealing toys from children is acceptable. Funnily enough, this is the same sort of motivation Al (who was played by Wayne Knight, funnily enough) from Toy Story 2 had, though Ron takes it above and beyond.

And finally that brings us to Fright Knight, Much like most of the ghosts on the show, Fright Knight seems to just want to cause a ruckus after he’s released, attempting to take over Amity Park when Danny foolishly releases him. Later in the show he is freed to serve Pariah Dark, and after Dark is beaten he joins up with Vlad. In his final appearance of any consequence he is seen serving the Ultimate Enemy in the bad future. Basically the guy is just a really cool overhyped henchman.

Personality: So let’s get the easy one out of the way first: The Pumpkinator doesn’t exactly have a personality, because it is a big generic doomsday villain meant to act as an obstacle for Timmy to overcome. However, when it returned later in the episode where Timmy goes to Unwish Island, it did have one notable personality trait: an undying hatred for Timmy Turner, It’s a pretty relatable trait the more into the series you watch.

Bun-Bun is also rather evil and simple. He’s just a petty jerk, as can be seen by his crimes listed up under motivation. There’s not much else to him, same with Fright Knight who, again, is mostly just an overhyped henchman who acts as the hardcore badass serving whatever big bad of the week is out to get Danny (or he would have, but more on that later).

Out of all of these, Ron and Jack have the most personality. Jack is an unrepentant prankster who, at least when alive, was heavily implied to just not get he was taking it too far with his pranks (“too far” in this case being tricking people off of cliffs, at the least), and simply morphed into a bitter, jaded, vengeance-seeking supernatural entity after hundreds of years of rejection by society and isolation. Jack’s honestly pretty tragic in that regard, though it obviously doesn’t excuse his actions.

Ron is just a straight-up jerk, putting up a facade of being a charming, friendly motel owner while stealing toys from under his guest’s noses. As the truth comes out about him, he becomes more cartoonish and hammy, which really doesn’t help his case at all, and in his final scene he actually does something so cartoonish he almost feels like he doesn’t belong in the Toy Story universe.

Final Fate: Funnily enough, Pumpkinator actually gets the happiest ending out of anyone here: after being unwished by Timmy, he goes to Unwish Island and, after Timmy eventually journeys there, gets to have fun tormenting Timmy clones for the rest of time.

Ron probably has the second happiest ending, for a given definition of “happy.” Bonnie’s mother calls the cops on him for his theft, and when they show up, he somehow manages to trick them, run away, steal their car, crash it into a telephone pole when backing up, and then run off before they even move a muscle. It’s ridiculously cartoonish, and there’s no way this guy is gonna be getting off easy after that little display.

Onto Bun-Bun. Bun-Bun made one simple mistake: he put any trust at all int Skarr. For those not in the know, Skarr was the “Starscream” to Hector Con Carne, always hoping to overthrow him and take over his world domination schemes for himself before he ended up retiring from that life and becoming a reoccurring character on Billy & Mandy. So, when he joins up with the villain by betraying Underfist, what do you think he does? He betrays the villain, pushing Bun-Bun into hot cocoa and melting him, using his power of treachery and backstabbing to help his team save the world. It’s pretty amusing in that classic Billy & Mandy way.

Good ol’ Jack ends up getting sent to the underworld this time since Grim wasn’t putting up with his crap anymore, and it seems Jack still hasn’t learned his lesson about pranking. When last we see him, he’s now tormenting demons, who all start moving in on him while he laughs at his dumb pranks. The screen cuts to black and we hear a squishing noise. It’s safe to say he won’t have to worry about that pumpkin head causing him problems anymore.

Fright Night is easily the most tricky one to talk about because his entire intended purpose in the show got aborted. After he was brought back to serve Pariah, he ended up under Vlad’s control by episode’s end, but for some reason, nothing ever came of this and it was never mentioned again – well, except in the “Ultimate Enemy” special, in which the Fright Knight cameos at the beginning, acting as something of the hype man for Dan Phantom, softening up Amity Park for Dan’s attack. After that, though, he’s basically out of the series, save for a couple of brief cameos here and there.

Best Scene: Jack has the flashback to his origins, because not only is it perfectly dark for a show’s Halloween episode, you have to give props to anyone who managed to outwit Grim, even if he did end up paying a steep price for it.

Ron has his aforementioned escape from the police. I do think it’s a bit too cartoonish and silly for Toy Story, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t pretty hilarious either way.

The Fright Knight has the aforementioned scene where he mentions he’s serving The evil future Danny. Considering that’s his last real role in the series, at least he got to go out on a high note, though it still sucks nothing ever came of the plotlines set up for him.

Bun-Bun’s best scene is when he revealed that he was the architect of most of the protagonist’s woes. Again, it’s just classic over-the-top Billy & Mandy silliness, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The Pumpkinator… just doesn’t have one. Sorry.

Best Quote: While most of these guys aren’t exactly a goldmine of quotes, Jack has one of my favorite quotes from anything, ever, and I even already referenced it above: “Three hundred and sixty-four days a year, I can't even go the the ding-dong grocery store to buy pudding! And do you know why?" The why, obviously, is the fact he has a pumpkin for a head.

Final Thoughts & Score: Frankly, this batch of Halloween hooligans is a very mixed bag. We didn’t fare quite as bad as Charlie Brown did on Halloween, but we only got one King Size candy bar out of this lot.

I guess let’s just start with the black licorice of the bunch: Fright Knight. God, I wish I could love Fright Knight, I really do, but considering the overwhelming quality of most of Danny’s rogues gallery and just the fact this guy was totally shafted and everything set up for him was ignored there’s just no excusing how lame this guy looks, Michael Dorn or no. He has a great design and a cool concept, and the ideas for interesting stories with him were there, but he ends up being a 3/10, saved only by his cool first outing, great voice work, and awesome design.

Worse still is the pile of weirdly flavored candy corn that is the Pumpkinator. He has a cool design, but he’s not much of an antagonist to be honest. He’s just a cool-looking robot who wants to blow up the planet. That’s about it. There’s really not much to say about this guy, and his only other appearance doesn’t really add much. I suppose he serves his purpose, but I have to wonder, why even bring him back if he wasn’t going to do anything remotely interesting? I don’t like generic doomsday villains at the best of times, but if you’re gonna bring one back, at least try and do something interesting with them to justify their existence, otherwise they’re just gonna end up getting a 2/10.

Finally, we get into the good candy! Let’s start off with the tasty marshmallow bunny we got, Bun-Bun (isn’t that more of an Easter candy? Weird). Bun—Bun is a funy, goofy, cartoonish villain, perfect for the first (and sadly, only) outing for Underfist. The fact they went above and beyond to cement him as this ludicrous mastermind who just screwed with everyone’s lives for no apparent reason other than the fact he’s a jerk is pretty funny. I don’t think he’s gonna win any Villain of the Year awards, but I think a 6/10 is good enough for this above average nuisance.

Oho, what’s this? A… candycane? Well, it’s a bit out of season, but it’s still tasty! And that’s kind of where Ron is. I do like just how unabashedly scummy he is, and there is precedent for people like him in the Toy Story universe, but I feel he takes things to a cartoonish extreme. For crying out loud, the guy has a trained iguana that acts like a dog! He feels like he belongs in a different series than this one, but again, I don’t really think that’s a bad thing, because at the very least he is funny. He gets a 7/10, a bit higher than usual just because I love how ridiculously nasty his whole scheme is. Stealing from kids, what the actual hell.

YES! A King Size candy bar! Just what I was looking for! It’s just a generic Hershey bar, but hey, that’s a lot of chocolate, so who’s complaining? And that’s Jack, he is simply put a perfect Halloween special antagonist. Most of this comes from his voice work, since Wayne Knight is a national treasure, but his backstory and concept are worth praising too. His origin story is something of a twist on the old legend of “Stingy Jack,” the origin story of the Jack-O’-Lantern appropriately enough. While obviously there are liberties, such as substituting Grim for the devil, it’s a mostly accurate retelling, something that would go over most people’s heads unless they’re really into classical folklore. Jack’s a lot of fun as a character, earning himself a nice big 8/10, only being held back from a higher score because despite being rightfully beloved by audiences, he never really had a major role again, getting a minor shout out in Big Boogey Adventure and… that’s it. I think Jack could have been a really entertaining reoccurring antagonist in the same vein as fwllow ensemble darkhorse Eris, but alas, it was not to be. Maybe if Underfist had been picked up he could have been brought back for that, but the fact is it just didn’t happen. Oh well, might as well appreciate what we got.

And that’s it for this batch of Halloween goodies. Halloween specials seem a lot less prevalent than Christmas specials, but they’re no less important or fun, and as you can see, they do produce at least mildly interesting villains, sometimes. If only they could produce a villain so devilishly Halloweenie that he could perfectly embody the spirit of the holiday…

Hey, what’s that at the bottom of the bag…

Wait… is that…

OH NO.

[cruzrogue]

SUPERTASTER

#Fictober19 @fictober-event

————————————————————————

for fanfiction:

Prompt number: 9  “There is a certain taste to it.”

Fandom (AU if applicable): #arrow fanfiction #olicity

Rating:G

Warnings/Tags: None… I like sugar hence the Jelly Beans!

Summary: Oliver is hosting a food tasting event at his home. People from the local community center where he’s a member of a current food gathering are about to talk about taste buds.

  ~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

This came about because of purchasing Jelly Belly -Jelly Beans, the original pack has 40 different flavors and I’m telling you a lot of them just doesn’t make my taste buds happy. I prefer the kids pack… they may be sweeter but at least I like the majority of them. The Harry Potter addition is a solid no from me. I mean look at the flavors. How could anyone subject their taste buds to earwax? Rotten Egg? Vomit? Just No!

 ~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

SUPERTASTER on A03

People who have a lot of papillae—the bumps on our tongue, most of which house our taste buds—often find flavors overwhelming. They're "supertasters," and as such they add cream to their coffee and order food mild instead of spicy. Subtasters, on the other hand, have low papillae density and prefer their chicken wings "atomic."

Individual taste, however, isn't simply about papillae; it also has to do with our buds' ability to detect different molecules. Although our brains can recognize the same five tastes—bitter, sweet, salty, sour and umami (savory)—the suite of chemicals that can trigger those signals varies from one person to the next. Alexander Bachmanov, a geneticist at Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia, says that humans carry a range of 20 to 40 genes dedicated to bitter taste receptors.

Different sensitivities to bitter tastes probably arose from evolutionary pressures in different parts of the world. Most toxic plants taste bitter, and nomadic groups that came into contact with a variety of plants would have, over time, developed a variety of receptors. People from malaria-infested parts of the world tend to carry a gene that makes them less sensitive to some bitter compounds, specifically those that contain cyanide. Researchers speculate that cyanide, ingested at low levels, fights malarial parasites while leaving the host unscathed. Juyun Lim, a sensory scientist in Oregon State University's Department of Food Science, says that we have a natural aversion to bitterness and certain odors: "Most people don't like beer the first time they try it."

ARE YOU A SUPERTASTER?

To find out, put blue food coloring on your tongue. Blue dye doesn't stick to taste papillae, so if your tongue doesn't get very blue, you're probably a supertaster. The bluer it gets, the greater the chance you are a subtaster. More hot sauce!

 ~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

Now onto the story...

“Felicity, come try this?” He has a fork out holding a sample of whatever is in the pot.

“There is a certain taste to it.”

“What’s your taste buds first reaction?”

“It’s pungent like your chilly but also savory that it doesn’t burn and wow I may want more of this later.” Oliver nods as he places the spoon down and fills a bowl with it before he heads to the dining room.

Felicity just follows him. She’s heading out to spend some quality time with her sister-in-law. She has no real concept of what Oliver is doing in the meantime. She thought he’d train like he usually does when not at work. Being she’s been occupied getting ready to go out she didn’t notice what her husband was doing.

“Oliver? What’s up with the spread of food on the table?”

“Just an experiment.”

She grabs what seems like a blue bottle of dye. “Is this food dye?”

“It’s part of the experiment.”

Felicity looks around the dining room and back at Oliver who is still placing plates of sliced food on the table.

“Am I missing something?”

“Honey, do you remember anything I said last night?”

Felicity takes a moment to ponder. Last night she came home from work and well she remembers there were plenty of words but mostly words she wouldn’t say in front of children. She sways her head no. She thinks he might have mentioned something about the community class he’s partaken in but once she was nibbling on his neck his words weren’t as coherent.

“I volunteered to host the tasting test here in our home.”

“Oh, okay.” She looks at the red dish ad makes a funny face, “Are those the pickled beets I so abhor.”

“Yes, there is a large spread of different foods. Those come from Marie who raided her pantry to offer the group.”

“Yea! Aren’t you all so lucky?”

“Does that mean you won’t join us in this test?”

“Nope, I’m actually supposed to go shopping with Thea.”

“Say hi to my sister for me.”

“I will. Should I pick William up later just in case?”

Oliver takes a moment to consider the question. The group would most likely disperse by then but he also doesn’t want to be a bad host and kick people out when they’re all having a good time. “Sure, that would be great.”

“Okay than, you have fun tasting all these foods but what is the dye for?”

“To see who is a supertaster. To find out, we are going to place blue food coloring on our tongues. Blue dye doesn't stick to taste buds. So, if any of our tongues don’t get as blue, some of us are probably supertasters. The bluer it gets, the greater the chance the person is a subtaster.”

“Fascinating.”

“You say that with such an ecstatic tone.”

She shrugs, “That’s because it is really super boring.”

Oliver rolls his eyes. He knows she is not into the whole discovery of all different cuisines like he is. He is trying to open his horizons to the different available culinary arts. For so long he’s been surviving and somehow opening up to living by experiencing flavor has made a difference in how he copes. He knows his wife understands and she has shared in his experience into the food mastery he’s taken up but she also allows him to do his own thing. Facing things with others outside his safety net.

“Oliver, if your need me, I’m a phone call away.”

“Thank you. I should be able to handle a few kitchen zealots.”

“Okay than. Have fun. Love you.”

“Love you too.” He brings her closer for a kiss but he sniffs something different. “Hmm. Is that honey with a hint of nutmeg?” Her nod confirms his analysis. When the doorbell rings they pull apart. “I guess the party is about to begin.

“It’s a good thing I know Oliver Queen tastes buds are a lot tamer.”

“That’s probably because I’m a subtaster, never enough is enough hot sauce.”

“Ah, that wasn’t what I was referring…”

“Huh hm.” He’s walking Felicity to the door. Opening it up to his first guest, the woman seems to be in her late eighties.

Felicity smiles and welcomes the woman into her home winking to Oliver in the processes. “Have fun.”

Oliver knowing very well what Felicity meant. He isn’t the party boy of his youth and he doesn’t care. These moments he is going to share with his guests knowing he’ll remember them and it will truly be a more enjoyable experience. He hopes to even learn a new dish or tricks to kicking up the heat for a dish his served many times over. This is his life, the life he is choosing and for once he can think the only thing on his mind is the words. “bon appetit.”

[dcrisspiration]

Top Reasons Why You Should Not Consume Chicken [Real Facts]

Numerous individuals get chickens thinking they are adorable, simple to care for and don't require a lot of upkeep.

All things considered, what amount of upkeep can a chicken require?

Lamentably, this blushing viewpoint places a great deal of chickens into covers, in the city or slaughtered in light of the fact that they didn't meet the proprietors' desires.

In the event that you are taking a gander at getting chickens however are not 100% sure, at that point this article is for you.

We have incorporated a rundown of the considerable number of motivations to not keep chickens. We would prefer not to deflect you from keeping these excellent animals, yet for the eventual benefits of you and the winged creature we are going to investigate keeping chickens.

Chickens Can Be Expensive

While the normal chick will hinder you about $3-5 for each winged animal, there are a lot of extra costs to keeping chickens.

On the off chance that you are helpful and can work from scraps, a strong coop will interfere with you not exactly around $100.

It's likewise conceivable to re-reason a nursery shed or little storehouse as well.

To purchase an instant coop for a couple of hens will cost you upwards of two or three hundred dollars, contingent upon what you need. Regularly, the publicizing of these coops are idealistic without a doubt! An enormous hen, for example, a Rhode Island Red, requires around 4 square feet of per chicken. In this way, in the event that you purchased a coop that says it will house six hens, it most likely will house four easily.

Another strong cost can be your gear: feeders and consumers specifically.

These don't need to be costly and there are a lot of custom made or re-purposed chicken feeder and consumers. In the event that you settle on used, ensure they are very much cleaned and purified before you use them with your herd.

Lastly, an occasionally overlooked repeating cost is feed-contingent upon what number of chickens you have will decide how much feed you use. I have 30 chickens and they eat about 50lb at regular intervals, so generally $6 per week.

To assist you with making sense of the expense of feed, a normal hen will eat between ½ – 1 cup of feed/day.

Different things your chickens will require are coarseness, shellfish shell, nutrients/electrolytes, cleaning powder and any toys you may get them.

The 'Ewww' Factor

Chickens can get lice and bugs, also intestinal worms and other disgusting parasites. It is safe to say that you are up to managing these?

Honestly, in five years I have cleaned my winged animals just a bunch of times since they have had scarcely any lice. They dust shower themselves routinely, so hold the parasites under control for themselves.

Hand crafted Chicken Dust Bath

I have anyway cut 'poopy' plumes from around the vents-this isn't for the individuals who have a sensitive constitution and it should be done to forestall slimy parasite pervasion in the late spring.

The hens' generally sit discreetly for me, yet I have a not many that are persuaded I'm going to execute them, so it turns into a battle to see who wins out!

A note on dust washing chickens need some place they can clean. We have told you the best way to make a straightforward residue shower in a past article. Notwithstanding, they will at present make your nursery seem as though it has endure a bomb impact. They love to make a few little sorrows in the nursery for their very own spa!

Chicken Scratching Area

A poor nursery which the chickens have 'scratched'.

They Need Some of Your Time

When you have your winged creatures' set-ready for action easily, they will in reality just require about 30 minutes or so of your time every day.

Notwithstanding, to become more acquainted with your hens well, invest as much energy as possible with them while they are as yet youthful. The prizes are tamer chickens and the capacity to spot inconvenience early and treat likewise and obviously, free psychotherapy!

The coop needs cleaning routinely to keep it and your winged creatures perfect and solid.

The mid year months particularly need your customary consideration. Filthy, neglected coops can prompt sickness and passing of your feathered creatures, conceivable rat invasion also flies!

To give you a thought of coop cleaning, here is my timetable for an eight by twelve foot coop:

The coop and encompassing region is cleaned completely two times each year-fall and spring. I utilize a shower of vinegar and water to clean the dividers and surfaces, a shop-vac to evacuate residue and webs and so on. All pre-owned sheet material is evacuated and discarded to the fertilizer. Supplant with new sheet material and so forth.

Once the 'spring clean' is done, I expel the crap and ruined straw no less than each other day in summer, this assists with shielding the coop from smelling.

In the event that you have a little versatile coop, for example, a tractor type, clearly the time you have to clean altogether will be extensively less.

Chicken Zoning in Your Area

Contingent upon where you live you are probably going to be zoned for commotion, disturbance, sanitation and so on. Numerous towns and urban areas are gradually loosening up laws on keeping chickens because of open interest.

Nonetheless, chickens are generally a 'no-no' in urban zones.

Rhode Island Red Rooster

You won't be permitted to keep this chicken in many spots!

The huge concern most neighbors voice is rodents. Where there is nourishment there will be mice or rodents. In the event that you keep your feed put away safely, there should not be an issue, however keep your eyes open.

Utilizing a metal compartment is ideal, yet a plastic tote container functions admirably too. Ensure you check the plastic receptacle habitually for any indication of biting on the plastic-rodents can be resolved!

How Is Your Health?

On the off chance that you experience the ill effects of hypersensitivities or respiratory issues, you should ponder keeping winged creatures chickens or something else.

The dander and residue made by winged creatures is an allergen and it can infrequently causes responses in individuals.

Numerous individuals raise chicks inside their home until they are sufficiently large to go outside-the measure of residue made is enormous and anybody experiencing asthma or comparative infirmities will be profoundly pushed.

In the event that the hypersensitivity is gentle and you need chickens in any case, a facemask will assist with shielding the residue from pestering you.

Do You Have a Backup Plan?

Having pets or animals is a major endeavor. You ought to consistently talk about it with your family.

What will occur on the off chance that you can't deal with your flying creatures for a couple of days? Will a relative dominate or will the flying creatures be disregarded?

On the off chance that you don't have a back-up plan for the government assistance of your winged animals, ponder what will befall the feathered creatures in a crisis. They are absolutely real animals that rely on you to think about them.

Numerous families make chicken keeping a 4H movement which shows youngsters keeping and thinking about animals. It's an incredible instructive encounter and might be the best course to choose whether or not keeping chickens is for you.

In the event that you have a pooch in the family it could be an issue. Canines love to pursue things and chickens are no exemption. You need to prepare your canine to acknowledge the flying creatures and disregard them or fence the flying creatures in well so the pooch can't get to them.

Hens Stop You Going On Vacations

On the off chance that you consistently take some time off you have to watch that your typical pet-sitter approves of chickens.

A few people are startled of feathered creatures this would be acceptable to know before the get-away beginnings!

Chicken sitting is somewhat extraordinary to ordinary pet-sitting. They must be let out in the early morning, took care of and watered, eggs gathered and at night they should be safely secured.

Gathering Eggs

Your 'sitter' must be steady about this else you may get back home to locate the neighborhood fox had chicken for supper…

A companion as of late took some time off and got back home to discover the chickens had not been taken care of for two or three days, eggs had not been gathered and she currently had four broody hens!

They Lay Lots of Eggs

Ideally, this is one reason you are thinking about adding chickens to your home, yet in the event that you aren't prepared to gather eggs, eat them, sell them, or part with them all the time at that point take a hard pass on chickens.

Most hens lay about an egg a day, and on the off chance that you don't anticipate gathering them, they will wind up everywhere throughout the coop, filthy and broke.

Also, uncollected eggs are a magnet for predators and rodents, particularly in the winter. Raccoons, winds, and even animal dwellingplace felines love to eat eggs, and on the off chance that they've discovered their own egg production line, think about where they will open for business?

Thus, in the event that you choose to get chickens, ensure you have an every day intend to gather the eggs, and a spot to put them. Regardless of whether that is in your own stomach or your neighbors; somebody will welcome them.

Outline

We have given you a lot to consider here. Thinking about chickens is normally really straight forward, however you should be readied!

On the off chance that you've understood this and aren't hindered, the best guidance we can give is start little with a couple of hens and read this exhortation from 47 chicken attendants.

A few people 'gather' hens since they have pretty plumes or lay blue eggs. Choose what you need and stick with it.

Numerous online incubation facilities will supply you with little request numbers and can give you one every one of what you need.

In this way, as usual get your work done and choose what's directly for you.

For those of you who have chosen to get a few chickens-welcome to the universe of insane chicken individuals!

On the off chance that you as of now have chickens, let us know in the remarks underneath guidance for new chicken attendants…

Peruse Treats That Will Make Your Hens Lay More Eggs

[greentreerealm]

The Chipotle Ordering Guide and Masterpost.

So. Throughout my 3 years working with this company, I’ve considered making this... and ya know what. I’m in a mood. And I’ve got the time. Let’s go. 

A. Line Etiquette 1 - Get off your phone. Period. 

2 - Use your words. We’re excellent point-guessers; but please, it’s much easier if you speak. Really. Because that millimeter difference on the other side of the glass means I’m gonna put the wrong thing in your food, and guess what, I’m not gonna be upset when you get mad about it. 

3 - Do. Not. Put. Your. Nasty. Ass. Hands. Over. The. Glass.

4 - Politeness. There is literally zero reason to be in-a-huff, or rude, or nasty, or unreasonable to any of the crew members. Zero. If you’re there for lunch, then most, if not all of those people have been there as early as 7am or 8am. If you’re there for dinner, those folks probably only arrived around 3pm or 4pm but they are also going to be there until 11pm at least. Be patient. 

5 - LISTEN. We literally have a basic “script” of the entire line that we are speaking to each and individual customer. So PAY. ATTENTION. When we ask if you want something, actually take the .0002 seconds to listen to what you’re being asked so we can make your order correctly. 97% of order mistakes/errors are because we ask if the customer wants something, they say one thing and mean something else. Or they’re not paying attention, chatting with the person next to them, on their phone, or just pointing. In all of those cases, the customer has 0 excuse for getting upset. 

6 - Know what you want. - You’ve spent how long in line? Your order should be ready to go by the time you get to the front. **DISCLAIMER** If you’re new, or an infrequent customer, please let the crew know, so we know to take our time and even help explain the menu to you. We’re here to try and make your experience as smooth as possible, and get you in and out quickly and efficiently. And if the line stresses you out, order online. There’s a separate section further down to cover the questions/concerns with that process.

7 - Portions -  Yes the standard portion sizes are the same for all entrees. Most items are offered at 4oz increments (exception being Queso and Vinaigrette). That’s the equivalent to one of those small plastic side-cups we have; or one average-sized spoonful. That’s it. Calm your sh*t. Anything can be double-portioned for free except for meat, queso, and guac. Technically, anything beyond two portions of any item will also cost a dollar for each additional serving. So for those of you who get 4 scoops of rice and 3 scoops of beans, be glad you’re not getting charged an additional $3. 

8 - Non-Entree Orders - If you’re just getting a drink, or chips n’ guac, you don’t need to wait in line. By all means, just go right up to the front and hop in-between orders! You really only need to wait in line if you’re getting an entree.

B. The Tortilla Station. 1 - Meal Options - We have: Burritos, Bowls, Salads, Tacos, Quesadillas, Kids Meals, Nachos, and Quesarritos. 1a - If you’re planning on getting a metric-f*ckton of food, either get a bowl or a double-wrap burrito. Otherwise, the tiny tortillas we have are going to tear. If not once, then 2 or 3 times.  1b - Salads are a bowl with lettuce on the bottom. That lettuce is supposed to replace the rice and beans in a bowl. So don’t be surprised or upset when you order a salad and we then go straight to meats. Also, just fyi, it is the exact. same. lettuce. at the end of the line, it is literally just cut into a different shape. 1c - Tacos come in a set of three, unless you specify a different number. That said, if you get tacos, that means each one gets 1/3 of a portion. Not a full portion of something in each taco.  1d - Quesadillas come as either just cheese, or a meat and a cheese. Some stores MIGHT let you put one more item in it. Most stores enforce the policy that “anything more than just meat and cheese, and you will be charged for a full burrito.” Additionally, we all highly recommend getting any cold or wet sides, on. the side. Otherwise, it is too messy and could literally damage our equipment if that moisture leaks onto the press. Please, just ask for it on the side. That said, most quesadillas with come with 1 or 2 complementary sides, like sour cream or hot salsa. Though, this is not universal. 1e - Kid’s meals are designed for children; but, anyone can order them. If you want something small and less expensive, that’s totally fine. BUT You need to respect and understand the limitations of this menu item. Kid’s meals come in 2 forms: small quesadilla which comes with a side of rice, and a side of beans (or two salsa sides); or build-your-own tacos which comes with 2 taco shells and 3 sides of. the. entire. line. So if you wasted all 3 sides on rice, beans, and meat, that’s it. It’ll be a dollar extra if you want anything from the cold side. Typically, it’s good to balance a meat, and two sides from the salsa side. Or even all 3 from the salsa/cold side. But just know, the kid’s meals do not come with more than that. They are, in fact, for children.  1f - Nachos are a fairly new secret menu item. Basically it’s similar to the way a salad works. Instead of rice and beans, you start with a bag of chips on the bottom of the bowl. You will still be charged for a bag of chips with your order. They’re just at the bottom of the bowl instead of in a bag. And yes, you’re supposed to skip rice and beans with these as well.  1g - If there’s a line, don’t get a f*cking quesarrito.

2 - Rices - We have White Rice and Brown Rice. They. Are. Both. Cilantro. Lime. I do understand our menu panels are not super helpful with that bit. The difference is white rice is cooked with more oil and prepared with more salt. Our brown rice, is a bit healthier. Also, it is not dirty rice. It is not fried rice. It is not refried rice. It is not yellow rice. We literally just asked you “White or brown?”

3 - Beans - We have Black Beans and Pinto Beans. Not Red Beans (Because in different places, “red beans” can be applied to both types). Not refried beans. Not indian beans. Not yellow beans. And no, neither beans have any meat in them, they are both totally veg. 

4 - Fajitas - Sauteed peppers and onions, seasoned with oregano and salt. Free with any entree. Please tell us you want them before we get to meat. And DEFINITELY before getting to salsa.

5 - The Meats - We have: Chicken, Steak, Barbacoa, Carnitas, and Sofritas. The Chorizo was discontinued after the release of Queso. You might find some stores still offering it, as they are trying to clear out what was stored at the distributors; though by now, it’s not likely.  5a - Say it with me slowly: Bar-Buh-Co-Uh. Not barbaCOLA, Not BarBOCA. The Barbacoa is shredded beef. The Carnitas is pulled/shredded pork. And our Sofritas is a brazed/shredded tofu.  5b - The order of least-spicy to most-spicy is as follows: Carnitas - No spice what-so-ever. Sofritas & Chicken - both have light-medium spice respectively. Barbacoa - pretty spicy. Steak - the spiciest meat, though still tamer than our hot salsa. 5c - Double meat costs extra. Corporate policy. And if that standard 4oz portion isn’t good enough for you, then don’t complain about the extra cost. Period. We literally don’t care if “another store gives you more.” Respect our policies, you are a guest. And no, contrary to popular belief, the customer is not always right. 5d - You can get half-n-half of two protein/meat options. But that means you will get 2oz of each. Not a full scoop. If you do this, you will get charged for the more expensive of the two choices. (ex: half-chicken, half-steak = price of a steak bowl).

6 - Queso - It’s new, it’s a bit weird. And quite honestly, when it was first released, they had not solidified the recipe. Stores were getting different variations of the same stuff on a semi-daily basis. Now though, things have seemed to calmed down and they’re sticking to something that actually works pretty well. It is a cheese sauce, with a sofritas base, and incorporates ingredients from our Medium Green and Hot tomatillo salsas. It does cost extra. All restaurants now have a little placard on their line explaining the new costs. Also, the extra costs are listed on a giant menu board above the line.  (personally, I feel the queso tastes best in an entree rather than just on the side)

C. The Salsa Station 1 - Mild, Medium, or Hot? - If you say “no thanks” then we are moving on to Sour Cream and Cheese. So please pay attention. Really. Cannot stress this enough. 1a - Mild is the tomato salsa. Yes, it’s a salsa. Yes there are (usually) some jalepenos in it, so there is still a small kick.  1b - Medium green and the Red hot are the two tomatillo salsas. Consequently, if you ask for the “red salsa” we assume the red hot tomatillo salsa. Do not say “red” if you mean the mild. Yes, it’s technically ‘red’ in color; but semantics is literally everything here.  1c - We technically have 4 salsas. (FOUR?! WHAT?!) Yes. The. Corn. Is. A. Salsa. It has a medium spice; therefore, when we ask “Mild, Medium, or Hot?” it is encompassed in that ‘Medium’ category. 

2 - Sour Cream or Cheese? - First of all, it’s sour cream. SOUR. CREAM. It is not: marshmallow, cream cheese, yogurt, vanilla, mayonnaise, nor cool whip. Like, where do you even think you are? 2b - It’s cheese. It’s just shredded cheese. It’s not noodles. We do not offer noodles at a Mexican Restaurant.  2c - As we do not have spoons for cheese, the standard portion size of 4oz is measured by a ‘three-finger pinch.’ If that’s not enough, please just ask; but understand, technically extra cheese beyond two portions should cost you an additional dollar.

3 - Guacamole / “Guac” - We no longer have to tell you it costs extra. This is because, similar to the Queso, there are now placards on the glass directly in front of you explaining the additional costs. So, the recurring theme: Pay. Attention.  3a - It comes in the same portion size as everything else. 4 ounces. If you want double, then you’re going to pay double. 3b - If you do not order a meat or sofritas, yes it is free. BUT If you order it on your entree and then again on the side, you will be charged for it. Also, while Sofritas is a vegan option, it is still one of our major proteins and does not constitute free guac.  3c - With the rollout of queso and our new “large” side-cups, you can technically order ‘large guac.’ You will then be charged for 2 sides of guac. BUT PLEASE TAKE NOTE: The “Large” side cup offers 6oz. A regular side cup is 4oz. Which means, it’s smarter to just order two sides of guac, and get a full 8oz instead of paying for the novelty of a large side-cup and only getting 6oz.  3d - In Chipotle’s effort to serve non-GMO, fresh, locally-sourced food, we often get cases of avocados that are either under-  or over-ripe. When this happens, the guacamole no longer keeps that bright lime-green color. Often, especially with over-ripe avocados, the inside of the avocados are yellow, or even slightly brown. Even if only a few avocados out of a case are in this condition, in can discolor the entire batch of guac. That said, the color does not affect the taste; nor is it any less fresh than any other day. All guac is made fresh every single morning. The slight browning after it’s been mashed is called “oxidization” it’s the same process that happens to the inside of an apple if it’s exposed to the air for longer than 5 minutes.   

4 - Lettuce - Many stores may not offer this to you directly. Why? Because that shredded lettuce is supposed to be saved for tacos only. That said, by all means, if you want it, order it. It also is served with a ‘three-finger-pinch’; so, don’t get upset if you’re not served an entire fistful of lettuce. And yes, all of it is cut fresh every single morning.  

D. The Cashier (and Their Expo) 1 - Expediter “Expo” - Typically seen during the two peak hours of the day (12pm-1pm and 6pm-7pm), this person stands between salsa and the cashier. Their main responsibility is to communicate your order to the cashier and package your order with all its parts. Their typical spiel is: “Any chips or drinks with your order?” Or "Anything to drink or chips with that today?” Or something similar. THIS. IS. YOUR. MOMENT. Like this is your exact chance to say any and all sides you want with your order. Nothing peeves us more than “No, but can I get a water cup?” or “No thanks, can I get chips and salsa?” Like. WHAT TF DID I JUST ASK YOU?! So again, in our running theme: PAY. ATTENTION.

2 - Chips - All chips are made fresh every morning. They literally go stale after a full day, if they seem “stale” then they were just under-cooked. We cannot/do not serve stale chips. We now have two sizes: Regular (4oz) the same we’ve always had, and Large (6oz). We cannot serve kid’s chips unless it is for a kid’s meal. If some stores do this, they will typically add a $1 charge for the additional side of kid’s chips. 

3 - Drinks - We have Fountain Sodas (Coke Products); bottled Nantucket Nectars, bottled water, and bottled Izze carbonated juices. Most stores offer the following flavors: Pomegranate Cherry, Apple, Pineapple Orange Banana, and Peach Orange Nantucket Nectars; and then Clementine, Blackberry, and Grapefruit Izze’s. Some stores may vary. 

4 - Kid’s Meal Sides - All kid’s meals come with a chips or fruit. The kid’s chips are 2oz. The fruit is typically one of three things: clementine oranges, grapes, or a packet of blueberries. The fruit options change as they become available. Other locations may offer different fruit options.  4b - All kid’s meals also come with one of the following drinks: white milk, chocolate milk, apple juice, or small cup for soda. *THIS IS THE ONLY INSTANCE A WATER CUP MAY BE USED FOR SODA.*

5 - Gift Cards - Yes, we offer gift cards. They’re particularly popular during the holiday season. If you purchase them with a credit/debit card, please confirm that they were fully paid for and activated. Too often, customers in a hurry will walk away before their credit card cleared our computer; and if that transaction declines, they gift an inactive card with $0 balance. Leading to a bad time for everyone. So please, when you purchase gift cards with a credit/debit card, make sure it clears before you leave. This issue doesn’t happen if the cards are paid for with cash. 

E. Dining Room Etiquette 1 - CLEAN. UP. AFTER. YOURSELF. - Pretty self-explanatory. But seriously people. Take your tabasco bottles back to the drink station. Throw your trash away. It’s common sense. Ya’ll people disgusting animals sometimes. 

2 - Tabasco Bottles - These are not available for sale; and, they are most certainly not available for theft!! The reason you can’t seem to find any, is because people decide to pocket them. Daily. Really folks? You’re better than that. 

3 - WATER CUPS - Most times, it’s grown-ass people trying to sneak this. Water cups are for water. only. If we catch you with soda, you can either throw it out and get water, or come up to the register and pay for a soda. If we catch you twice, you will be forced to either pay for a soda or leave the restaurant. If you are a constant repeat offender, we may reserve the right to not serve you. Yes. That’s right. At that point you are a thief; and, have lost the trust of the company. While it is a minor theft, it is stealing nonetheless.  *P.s. you ain’t slick tryna get lemonade in that either. We see you.

4 - Children - If they are well-behaved, beautiful. Wonderful. Enjoy that tiny quesadilla and apple juice box! HOWEVER. If they are screaming, please either tame or remove them. Additionally, our dining room is NOT a jungle-gym. Please keep your children from running all over the place, from climbing onto other guests’ chairs, and if-applicable, from climbing on the window ledges and getting their tiny sticky handprints all over our windows. Thank you.

F. Ordering Online or Via Mobile App 1 - Second Make-Line - Typically, for the lunch and dinner rushes, a separate make-line is opened up for take-out orders only. Though, in the early morning, midday, and after 8pm, this line is closed.

2 - Punctuality - Typically, orders are began roughly 15 minutes before their scheduled pickup time. That way, longer orders can be completed in time for their scheduled pickup time. That said, if you place an order at noon for a 12:15 pickup time, do not arrive at 12:05. Your order will not be ready. Consequently, do not pick it up at 12:45. Your order will be cold. In both situations, the customer does not have the right to complain. 

3 - Extras - Our online and mobile app does fairly well to include extras, half-portions, and any sides for your order. However, if there is something you want included in the order that isn’t listed, you can dedicate a portion of the “name” on the ticket to your extra note. Also, please make sure to include everything in your order so it can be ready. It is always a bit perturbing to make additional sides for orders that should already be completed and ready to hand out. 

4 - Payment - We do offer two options for payment. The more common option is to pre-pay via credit or debit card. There is a second option, to ‘pay-at-pickup’ however; this option is only available if you create an account on the website. So, if you don’t want to be forced to pre-pay with a card, take the extra 2 seconds to make a quick account. It is worth the hassle. 

5 - Phone Orders - We can no longer accept orders over the phone. We no longer receive the fax forms or other sheets to take orders over the phone. Additionally, it wastes too much of an employee’s time to answer the phone, find a spare sheet of paper and writing utensil, and sit down to listen to you scramble over yourself trying to place an order of questionable coherency. This is a fast-paced restaurant, and that person probably has 6 other online orders to make. Place it through the app or website like everyone else. And if you say ‘but i’m driving’ get off your phone. Like seriously. 

6 - Ordering for Multiple People - Do not place an online order for more than 4-6 people. Really. The ticket that prints out is ridiculous and orders can very easily fall prey to being incorrectly prepared. Additionally, if your order is deemed unreasonably long (Typically 20 or more orders) the restaurant has the right to call you and deny the order. At that point, it is considered a catering order and requires 24-hr notice. 

G. Catering Yes, we do it. It requires 24-hr notice. Do not call the store to coordinate it. Call 1.800.Chipotle and they will sort you out. (Also, yes, we know the ‘E’ in Chipotle is an extra digit, it’s no big deal). And please, let us handle everything. There is literally zero need to try and micro-manage your order. Furthermore, make sure that whoever is picking up the order has a large enough vehicle for transportation. The worst is when someone arrives in a 2-door, no-trunk, smartcar-lookin-thing to pick up a catering for 60 people.

So that’s it. Well... most of it anyway. I’m sure there’s more minutia that I didn’t cover; but, quite honestly, that’s just about everything. To my fellow chipotle crew, I salute you. And to all the customers: regulars, newbies, young and old, please, make all our lives easier and pay attention; be kind; and have a great day. 

[anachef]

Review! We’re LOVING The New Additions to Disneyland’s Golden Horseshoe!

We’re suckers for original Disneyland locales, and The Golden Horseshoe in Frontierland is one of those that totally steals our hearts. A mainstay of the park since day one, there’s plenty of lore about this now-quick service spot, including the presence of Walt’s personal box — at the right-most corner of the restaurant’s balcony — which is now open to the public.

The Golden Horseshoe

And there are plenty of tasty reasons to step into The Golden Horseshoe, too. This is the home of Mini Ice Cream Sandwiches (we told you about them earlier this year!), and our Disneyland correspondent Heather (howdy, @DiningInDisney) dove into everything chili not too long ago! But the menu here changes with some frequency, so I like to make a visit every time I’m in the Land. And I’m so. glad. I. did!

Because Vegetarian Pepper Jack Mac. 

Vegetarian Pepper Jack Mac

Yup. It’s amazing. Of course, with words like “pepper jack” and “mac” in the title, one generally hopes for something awesome. And in this case: you get it!

Vegetarian Pepper Jack Mac

The base of this deliciousness is fried pepper jack mac bites, which are packed with flavor and have a really cool texture.

Mac Bites

These are topped with pasilla cheese sauce (yum!) and “Cowboy Caviar“. This combo of corn, beans, red bell pepper, cilantro, and more is a perfectly southwestern addition that goes perfectly with the overall vibe of the Pepper Jack Mac.

Cowboy Caviar

This is a seriously hearty and seriously yummy bowl of food. And even as delicious as it is, you might want to consider sharing because it’s a little heavy. (Plus you’re gonna want to save some room for Mini Ice Cream Sandwiches — mental note.)

Vegetarian Pepper Jack Mac

Of course, The Golden Horseshoe also has some tamer favorites — like these Chicken Tenders that come with Creamy Buffalo or Kickin’ Bourbon Sauce and a side.

Chicken Tenders

Yeah, I had to get in on these, too. The amount of crispy coating is dynamite — and the Creamy Buffalo sauce is buttery and only vaguely spicy.

Chicken Tenders

But how irresistible do they look? Your picky eaters will enjoy these with ketchup, but really, chicken tenders are a staple Disneyland food for many.

Chicken Tenders

This last little item is a must — a MUST! Mini Ice Cream Sandwiches that are hugely fun!

Mini Ice Cream Sandwiches

Because listen: these aren’t simply chocolate chip cookies — they’re Toffee Chocolate Chip Cookies!

Mini Ice Cream Sandwiches

And they aren’t just filled with a massive scoop of vanilla ice cream, they’re also topped with Chocolate Sauce and Caramel Sauce!

Mini Ice Cream Sandwiches

And that means they’re not just Mini Ice Cream Sandwiches — they’re totally addictive, must-eat Mini Ice Cream Sandwiches! They’re a simple treat done really well with special components. The cookies have a homemade feel that makes this “Grand Finale” truly grand.

Mini Ice Cream Sandwiches

Even if you’re not stopping for a meal, you’ll want to check out The Golden Horseshoe every time you’re in Frontierland. Between the nostalgic ambiance and the tasty grub, it hits you in the feels and in the stomach.

Don’t forget to creep your way through Halloween Time at Disneyland and California Adventure Park! We gave you a spooky preview, and we’re eating our way through the season!

What’s your go-to quick service spot in Disneyland? Tell us in the comments! 

Related posts:

Pixar Fest Eats: Woody’s Boot with Root Beer Float

Pixar Fest Eats: Habanero Meatball Cone at Disney California Adventure’s Cozy Cone

Even More Mobile Order Locations Coming to Disneyland Resort!

from the disney food blog https://ift.tt/2C8H111 via https://ift.tt/LNvO3e

[willstilladoreyou]

1. Elevator

True events reimagined.

No elevator Will take you to the top of whatever you think up and down is

I make a pact with myself. “Even if none of them are actually staying at the hotel, I will still have a great time. I am creating a fairytale for myself - for myself for a change”. 

Still, justifying a flagrant expense does not come particularly easy. On the way to the hotel, I triple-check for any evidence of my transparent passion, but it seems like all signs of the concert have been carefully hidden - apart from the mad pumping of adrenaline that’s going through every tiny capillary.

Do I look respectable enough? My suitcase is orange and slightly battered, graced by a space panda sticker; the guitar case is elephantine in comparison to the travel guitar it holds, but my coat is flawless, and my shoes are cool - and those cheekbones tell a tale of elegance even in the weirdest of circumstances.

It’s after midnight, and it’s a quick ride; London gently gleams under a young crescent moon.

As we pull up in front of the gorgeously festive entrance, I notice a familiar figure standing outside - Samuel Bañuelos III, smoking. My heart simultaneously falls and soars. The tour manager is always a good sign.

Get out of the cab, as gracefully as you can (note to self: keep trying) Do I have everything: guitar on one shoulder, a bag on the other and the suitcase. Make your way in Smile calmly, as if it’s all part of a routine Don’t let them know you’re an impostor (note to self: what?!)

Elevator. Historic elevator. Quite an old elevator. A pretty slow elevator. A madame in pearls, waiting. “Oh, coming in late, dear?” “It’s been a long day.” “Well you are sure to get some good rest here.” I wonder if she can tell that I’m in the middle of an adventure of a lifetime. Please keep being polite to me, it makes me feel like I can fake being natural superbly well.

Our chat is interrupted by the sound of voices approaching.

“Hey man, why are you coming in so late?” Samuel Bañuelos III appears, followed by none other than the cause of this entire insane campaign, Mister Josh Adam Klinghoffer. A cool jacket, one of many signature hats, a rectangular guitar case. “…Because of all the fffffffucking people” he mutters, with a tired temper. I allow myself a sly little half-smile in his direction.

Perhaps ‘mutters’ is not the right word here, for the madame immediately turns her head and splashes him with a look of sheer condemnation.

Well I feel like an antelope hiding in the bushes. If anyone looks me in the eye, I will be immediately, hopelessly found out. However, I can’t help but notice (thank you, Nature, for the corners of our eyes) Josh instantly going slightly red (probably cursing himself in his mind). Despite being embarrassed, his eyes wander to my guitar case. I guess curiosity is the best cure for embarrassment.

Finally, the marvelous elevator arrives. Inside there is gorgeous gold, a velvet bench, endless mirrors and enough space for three. Madame embarks. “I’m afraid there isn’t enough space here for us all to be transported comfortably. Good night”. There’s definitely place for me there. She pushes the button to close the doors quicker, but hastily pushes the opposite button and spends another 10 painful seconds avoiding looking at us, her brutal offenders.

Finally, the legendary golden doors conceal the madame as she is solemnly taken up.

I look over my shoulder and cast a quick, warm, understanding smirk at my fellow travelers.

“I’m sorry,” says Samuel Bañuelos III. “I’m not,” say I.

He laughs; Josh gently smiles, looking somewhat relieved. His eyes keep moving between two points in space: my guitar and my face. I notice that Samuel Bañuelos III notices it. Seems like he notices that I notice it, too.

Did I mention this luxurious elevator is…slow? Back in its day, it must have been a technical marvel of immense speed, but in 2016 it reminds us of a more elegant era when the perception of time was drastically different.

As we continue our wait, the tour manager/genius 35mm photographer quietly reminds the guitar player of the details of the next day, which can be summed up thusly: just be at the venue by 5.

Josh lets out a series of short, somewhat absent-minded ‘mmmmhm’s and I can feel both of their eyes on me.

Our ornate mode of transportation comes back to the ground floor and opens its shining doors.

I take a step forward, but my suitcase does not follow my lead: one of the wheels decides to take the night off.

“Let me help you with that,” Josh says in a quiet, sweet baritone. “Thank you so much.” I flash him with one of my best smiles.

I enter the lavish little room of elevation, J follows.

Samuel Bańuelos III does not. He’s standing there, failing to hide his smirk. “Might as well take the stairs, much quicker. I’ll see you tomorrow, man! G’night, miss”.

“See you, good night!” I smile. The doors close.

The insane serendipity of the situation flabbergasts me to the point of numbness. The odds of this happening were less than minuscule - and yet here we are. I am in the same elevator as Josh Klinghoffer. It’s just the two of us. He doesn’t seem to mind. I push 5. He asks for 6.

“Well, you are quite the suitcase tamer.” “It’s -,“ he clears his throat, “- it’s one of the few talents that I have mastered over the years.” Smiles are exchanged.

6 seconds of silence.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help but notice your guitar - do you play?” I can almost see him mentally facepalming himself. “A tiny bit. I’m actually learning how to play bass, and this is the closest thing I have here”.

“Oh, bass, cool! It’s not exactly the same, though…” Beat. “……What do you mean?” It became a signature joke - pretending to be absolutely serious. He falls for it for three seconds, confusion followed by laughter.

“I know it’s pretty ridiculous, but it’s still better than nothing.” A pause, in which he looks at me with a spark in his eye. “I guess so”, he says, smiling and nodding. “I love bass…Are you in a band or - or just learning for yourself?” His voice is melodious and soothing. I notice that I feel oddly comfortable being one-on-one with him. “I am learning to join a band that consists entirely of wonderful friends.” “Wow, sounds excellent!”

Floor 5.

“Thank you so much, it was lov-“ “Oh, I’ll help you with the bags.”

We both step out of the exuberant mechanical wonder. I take a moment to fully look at him. Here he is, right in front of me, guitar case in one hand, my slightly scruffy orange suitcase in the other. “Thank you. It’s wonderful to know that chivalry isn’t dead.” “Oh, my pleasure.” We follow the arrows. Silently. “What - khm - what is the name of the band?” “We’re called The ************,” I say, unable to hide my gleaming pride. I’m in a dream come true, talking about another dream coming true.

“The ************…cool name.” “Thank you, we like it too.”

An exchange of smirks. His eyes are deep brown, with faint glimmers of deep gold. The charm of his smile drastically exceeds my (already high) expectations.

‘What kind of music do you play?” “Well, the official formula goes like this: progressive-aggressive punk post-pop cabaret!” “…..Wow. Well, that definitely got my interest!” I wonder if he sees how insanely happy I am right now. I feel radiant. All of a sudden we are standing outside of room 532.

“Five three two…that would be me,” I say softly, casting a gentle gaze upon him.

“Are y-you staying here for long? Sorry, that’s an inapp-“ “Two nights.” He nods, looking at the floor.

“I’m so sorry, taking up your time, it’s late, and you must be tired - not that you look tired -  I mean, it’s almost 2 AM, and -“ “Please don’t worry! Thank you so much for helping me, I really appreciate it.”

My cheeks begin to hurt from all the smiling.

“Besides, it’s you who is truly tired.”

Uh-oh.

He looks at me intently.

“I was”

Pause.

Just as I inhale to continue this dreamlike conversation, Josh mutters good night and leaves pretty abruptly.

I find myself standing in the middle of an empty corridor of a legendary London hotel. Fuck knows what just happened.

I open the door, drag the suitcase into the room, let the guitar slide to the floor, drop the bag and simply freeze, leaning against the door.

Fuck knows what just happened. I just had a fantastic encounter with Josh Klinghoffer… which ended with him running away. Was it because he realized that I follow him? Maybe he got scared of my incredible charm? Perhaps he had to take care of some dark necessities? Fuck knows. Fuck knows. ……fuck knows.

It’s still astonishing, though. It is still mind-blowingly incredible, though. It’s still absolutely bloody crazy fucking fantastic, though.

I put on some music, shuffle at first, but “Eye Opener” comes first and I have no desire to die by melting into this deep blue carpet.

I put on “Love of Your Life,” followed by “Never is a Long Time”. Soothing songs that accumulate that warm feeling of sheer magic. Unpack! Shower! Jump on the bed, celebrating your insane luck! Glee at the marvels of a five-star hotel! Go to bed in your beautiful silk nightgown to feel like a lady! Attempt to sleep and fail miserably!!

I sit up in bed, coming to terms with the fact that sleep seems like the least exciting thing to do right now.

I get up, throw on a black, sheer, floor-length, long-sleeved polka dot dressing gown (thank you, Dita Von Teese), slip into my elegant little slippers, grab a pen, a piece of paper, the door key and head out to wander the exquisite dimly lit corridors.

After all, life is too short to waste it on mediocrity. I dream of living in a Wes Anderson film, and so I create this opportunity for myself!

I slowly make my way through floor five, admiring the early 20th century sketches and caricatures on the walls, occasionally stopping to write down a thought, a line, a poem, a feeling, a spark. My path is deserted, with the exception of a gentleman eating chicken outside of room 502. The attention he gives me is minimal. My ghost-like promenade takes me to the staircase, and I hesitate, deciding whether to go up or make my descent. As I listen closely to my gut, I hear the peaceful wind behind the windows, the light rustling of branches, the mild ticking of a clock standing on a randomly beautiful table by the elevator, the soft humming of the lamps, quiet footsteps…footsteps? Chicken guy coming for seconds? I notice a figure lurking upstairs. A tall, somewhat lanky figure. The pattern of the figure’s movement is hesitant, but after a few pauses, I can hear it advancing towards my location. As the silhouette draws nearer, the floppy hair becomes painfully obvious. He notices me and freezes. Here I am, a sleepless vision, looking at Josh Klinghoffer…yet again.

There he is, in a black long-sleeved top that looks incredibly cozy and pajama pants that can be called ‘slim’ in comparison to his usual stage choices, looking at me.

A few moments pass, and he still hasn’t run away. Either his eyesight is not so good, or he’s not terrified.

He moves one step down. “Hi…” His voice lingers in the air. I take one step up. “…Hi” The night makes my voice deeper. The silence rings in my ears. Or is it the excitement? The adrenaline, perhaps? Does adrenaline ring? Dear brain, Please shut up.

“Can’t sleep?” He hesitates. “Yeah…still not sure which time zone I’m in” Pause. “….and you?” Now it’s my turn to take a dramatic pause. “…The night seemed to poetic to let it pass me by.”

He takes two more steps and murmurs something undecipherable.

“Sorry?” “That is beautiful,” he says, stepping onto the landing between floors. I smile with a slight exhale and stand by a window on the same level as him. I wonder how transparent this dressing gown really is.

“I’m surprised you didn’t run away just now.” His face changes immediately, a grimace of deep discontent followed by an expression of pure downheartedness.

He stares at the floor. “I am so sorry. I can’t believe you’re even talking to me right now. I - I hate the way I am sometimes.I felt as if I overstepped a line and didn’t think of anything better than to flee. Regretted it instantly. Punched a wall. Regretted that instantly. Felt idiotic since then”

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that a conversation that I found so pleasant was a source of such agony to you…”

He looks up, comes to the window…stands opposite me. The pale light encompasses us both. We are looking at each other.

How is this not awkward? Magic.

“I never asked you your name.” “You have a chance now.” He smirks and softly shakes his head. “I’m ***. *********.” “Hi, ***” “Hi,” I say, with a secret smile in the corners of my mouth. “And you are?…” We both laugh. He seems wildly relieved. “Josh.” “Well, lovely to meet you, Josh.” I extend my hand. He shakes it with an air of mock-importance. His hands are big, with long, graceful, restless fingers and obvious veins. His handshake is careful yet firm. My handshake is strong and enthusiastic. I celebrate our first physical contact by zapping him with a shot of static electricity. He looks mildly impressed.

“Are you from the States?” “Why do you ask?” “Well…your accent sounds American.” “Yeah…I’m actually *******.” “*******?!” “**!” (yes) “Haha…Your English is superb!” “Thank you! All thanks to my brilliant parents.” “Are they American?” “Nope, my whole family is completely *******, aside from a couple of Jews.” “Ah, haha! So you live in…******?” “I do.” “It’s a beautiful place.” “Thank you! It is as strange as it is beautiful.” “That’s a good way of putting it…” “Coming from you that’s a big compliment.” His eyes become more serious. I hesitate…and dive right in. “I think that you write some of the most beautiful music in the world.” He begins to examine his shoelaces. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. But it is true…at least to me.” He finally looks up, his gaze fixated through the window. “Someday I will learn to take compliments calmly…possibly” “That might come in handy one day…” He looks at me and smiles, tucking his hair behind his ears. “***? Can I ask you something?” “I don’t see why not” “It might be a bit of an odd question.” “Those are my absolute favourites.” He pauses for a few moments. “What kind of guitar did you bring here?” I laugh, looking at the ceiling. “It’s a travel guitar. Smaller, lighter, waterproof. Perfect for a campfire evening…but I’m not a big fan of camps.” “Neither am I…but I’d love to take a look at it, haven’t seen one of those in a long, long time…if you wouldn’t mind?” I smile softly. I feel as if a little boy asked me to show him a wonderful toy. “Sure.” “So…you’re here for two nights, right?” “Exactically so…sorry, that’s a quote from Alice in Wonderland.” “Oh, you don’t have to apologize for quoting a great book…I’m sorry for not recognizing it!” I grin, he grins, we both look out of the window. Venus is shining bright, like a lighthouse for dreamers.

“What are you doing tomorrow morning?” I hesitate, not believing my ears. THINK OF SOMETHING COOL. “Beginning a wondrous day” Jesus Christ on a motorbike that sounds pretentious as fuck. “Would joining me for breakfast spoil the wondrous day?” “On the contrary, it would make a wondrous day exceptionally fantastic.” He looks mildly shocked and stays silent for a pretty damn long time, paying much attention to his hair. Classic ***: scaring people away with wild enthusiasm since 1991 (c) Well, no point in backing off now! “…Shall we meet…downstairs?” He clears his throat yet again, fiddling the bleached strands of his infamous hairdo. “Actually I was wondering if I could pick you up at, let’s say”, - he checks his simple, elegant, clearly trusted and well-worn black-strapped watch, - “10 o’clock?” “Sounds perfect…I am flattered!” He smiles with a slight air of inhibition. “Believe me,” he says. “I’m the one who is flattered.” We look at each other, unashamedly smiling. I’m the one who breaks the spell. “See you in six and a half hours, then.” His smile becomes wider. To say that he is charming is to say absolutely nothing at all. “Sweet dreams.” “You too…good night.” We hesitate, look at each other and laugh. “Bye!” I start descending. At the bottom of the stairs, I turn around and see him still standing there, watching me. “See you soon…”

You can't concede that you have no control But if your eyes are open, your heart is open, your life is open wide

2.02.2017

[emma-trevelyan]

Daichi Rare Pair Week Day 2: Modern Fantasy

Pairing: Sawamura Daichi/Azumane Asahi Prompt: Stars/Memes/Modern Fantasy AU Rating: G Ao3

Daichi had only been an official dragon tamer and breeder for about five or six years, but he grew up around dragons. Sawamura dragons were bred to be champions, companions, athletes, and hunters, depending on the customer’s desires, almost since the era of Tokugawa. He’d continued that fine tradition after college, and now he was sought after. It filled him with a  sense of pride when he’d get an email from an old customer about a dragon of his taking Best in Show, or winning an athletic competition, or being successfully integrated into a loving family.

Of course, not all of them could be success stories. Cupcake, named by his very young niece, had been born small. Most baby dragons displayed breath weapons and limb control as hatchlings, but Cupcake didn’t. The mother didn’t want anything to do with him, and if it had been the wild, Cupcake would have been left for dead. But Daichi, ever the softie, had refused to leave him behind. He’d hand-raised Cupcake, raising him essentially as his own. It was hard, but Daichi didn’t regret it for a minute. For one, Cupcake--though maybe on the touched side--was a great dragon: loyal, trustworthy, silly, and sweet. He was goofy and mischievous, and very high-maintenance, but in the end, he was Daichi’s most favorite of companions.

Well, that and Cupcake’s medical needs meant he got to see the cute vet in town at least once a month.

Azumane’s Magical Creature Clinic was by far one of the better animal hospitals around. Daichi’s best friend, Suga, didn’t trust his prized champion unicorns to just anyone, and he swore by Azumane’s. Daichi had started going to him early in his career, and he never once regretted it. Dr. Azumane was attentive, sweet, gentle, and caring. Even some of Daichi’s most difficult cases had rolled over and showed their belly for the man. Daichi had always thought he was cute, in that Jesus Jones, punk-rock-in-a-pink-sweater sort of a way. But the frequency of his visits for Cupcake had caused something new and totally foreign to bloom in Daichi’s chest.

A crush.

After months of flirting back and forth, pathetic pining, and half-hearted “what-ifs,” by some miracle, Asahi asked Daichi out to coffee. He’d been so tentative and sweet… how could he not be weak? How could he say no?

The first coffee date had been alright… the second had been better. For the third? Asahi actually invited Daichi to his house, which was terrifying. He even invited Cupcake to come with, and Daichi took him up, if only because Cupcake made a hell of a buffer. Daichi agonized over what to wear (even if it was just a stay-at-home date) and cried internally because his whole truck smelled like dragon breath, but there wasn’t much he could do about that.

Asahi’s house was… not what Daichi had expected. It wasn’t so much the traditional structure in a somewhat rural area about 20 minutes outside of town--that wasn’t anything unexpected--but the land. It was mostly dominated by a huge pasture, a small herd of unicorns sunning themselves in the grass. A herd of pegasi were splashing around in a small pond, while a pair of hippogriffs observed and judged from the shade. A small group of dire wolves watched him and Cupcake come up the walkway, but didn’t move from their spot under a gorgeous sakura tree--it must have been enchanted, if it was still bright pink in the early fall. Cupcake took it all in, happily bounding around Daichi’s feet at all the new friends he could make, until the unicorns decided to stampede to the fence at the edge of the walkway to investigate. Then he froze. Daichi laughed, nudging Cupcake’s rear end with his foot.

“I am not carrying you; you have to learn to walk past the unicorns,” he chuckled. “Come on, you big chicken.”

“I actually think dragons are descended from lizards and wyrms, not chickens, but what do I know?”

Daichi froze at the voice behind him; he hadn’t expected Asahi to meet him outside, sweaty from whatever work he was doing. Daichi was used to his work clothes with his dorky lab coat; he wasn’t used to the thin t-shirt with the sleeves rolled, or the battered jeans splattered with mud. He also wasn’t used to the easy grin on his handsome face. Daichi felt his stomach do somersaults at the sight.

“Is he still afraid of the unicorns?” Asahi asked, reaching down to scratch Cupcake at the fleshy part behind his horns.

“He’s weird,” Daichi responded. “And a big chicken.”

“He’s not weird, he’s special,” Asahi cooed, getting Cupcake’s attention to scratch him under the jaw. “And it’s natural--unicorns and small dragons like him are natural enemies in the wild.”

“I still think he’s weird,” Daichi deadpanned. “But he’s my weirdo, so what can you do but love them?”

“Man after my own heart,” Asahi teased.

Daichi didn’t have time to be embarrassed or flustered by the statement, because suddenly and out of nowhere, Duchess appeared. Duchess was Asahi’s blink cat--a perfectly normal housecat whose ink-black fur glowed with a constantly moving pattern of stars and constellations that just happened to be able to teleport at will--and she and Cupcake had met at Asahi’s office. They had become instant frenemies, as Cupcake loved to chase her and Duchess loved to tease him. She reached up with her little, round paw, papped Cupcake right on the nose, and bounded gracefully across the unicorn pasture. Cupcake, his previous fear forgotten, took off after her like a bat out of hell, all gangly limbs and excitedly-waving tail.

“Are they going to be alright?” Daichi asked, trying to contain his laughter as he watched his dragon try (and fail) to capture the furry menace.

Asahi was laughing hard--a full-blown belly laugh that sent tingles to Daichi’s toes--as he watched the shenanigans unfold; “They should be fine. I have wards in place, and everyone here is pretty gentle. Want to come inside for a drink?”

Daichi grinned, nodding and following Asahi into his house. If the outside was totally populated by magical animals, the inside was almost overwhelmed with magical plants. Daichi couldn't even name any of them, except the Creeper Vine, which greeted Asahi by rubbing lovingly against his hand. A group of white flowers jingled like real bells when they entered the kitchen, and a pink blossom larger than his head opened wide and tilted towards him when he opened the fridge to pull out a bottle of barley tea.

“Do you take care of plants, too?” Daichi asked, peering into a cage and grinning at a songbird that sounded like a flute when it greeted him.

“No, animals are more my forte. The plants are Ushijima’s,” Asahi replied, pouring drinks into tall glasses of ice. Daichi’s question must have been on his face, because Asahi just smiled indulgently. “My roommate. He’s an alchemist and herbalist.”

“Ah,” Daichi said. “So is he… here? Can we expect him back any time soon?”

“No,” Asahi answered, sitting across from Daichi with his drinks and snacks. Daichi immediately grabbed the glass of tea, if only for something to do with his hands. “I told him I was having my...person over, and he went to his girlfriend’s house for the weekend. Oh, wait, he proposed last week… Hana’s his fiancee now.”

“Person?” Daichi asked, trying not to sound too disappointed. “Is that what I am to you?”

Asahi sighed, running his hand through his hair; “Honestly, I’m not sure what you are to me. You’re really special to me, Daichi, and I really like you. It’s just…”

Daichi swallowed hard, trying to remember how to breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Right; “Just… what?”

“I had a really good time with you last week,” Asahi said in a smile voice… heartbreakingly small. “But I haven’t dated in a long time. And I’ve never liked anyone like I like you, Daichi. You’re special to me. And if you just want to be friends, I get it. But I want… I want something more out of this than just your friendship.”

Daichi tried to stem the flow of giddy happiness--he felt like a schoolboy, and he was certainly flushed like one, but he didn’t care. All he wanted to do was smile from ear to ear; “I want that too.”

“Really?” Asahi asked, looking up from his hands with such hope in his eyes, it almost ached. His smile was so sweet and tentative and rosy it knocked Daichi for a bit of a loop. “You mean that?”

“Asahi, I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it,” Daichi replied, reaching across the table to take Asahi’s hand. He didn’t pull away, so Daichi responded by tightening his grip. “I really like you. A lot. I think you’re gorgeous and interesting and sweet… I’d like to be… well, whatever you want me to be, but I’m hoping ‘boyfriend’ is on the list of possibilities?”

Asahi grinned back, intertwining their fingers; “I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

“Then will you be my boyfriend, Azumane Asahi?”

Daichi almost cringed--it sounded so formal and stiff, but Asahi’s sunny smile was enough to stave off the embarrassment; “Yeah. Most definitely.”

Daichi would really like to have kissed Asahi in that moment. And he would have. But sadly, Cupcake and Duchess chose that moment to come barrelling into the kitchen, skidding on the hardwood and nearly crashing into the table. Duchess teleported somewhere, leaving Cupcake tangled in chairs and making pathetic howling noises from under the table.

“It serves you right for ruining the moment, you big goof,” Daichi growled, nudging Cupcake with his foot.

“He didn’t mean it, Daichi,” Asahi said softly, pressing a kiss to Daichi’s knuckle. “And another moment will come. Maybe sooner than you think.”

[biofunmy]

‘People Were Bleeding All Over’: America’s Most Dangerous Amusement Park

Amusement parks are designed to deliver thrills. They are places for splashing and screaming and laughing, often on rides that defy common sense, not to mention the laws of physics.

But a park in New Jersey routinely delivered a lot worse — bloody noses, bruises, broken teeth and bones, concussions and even death. People who spent a day at Action Park in its prime, in the 1980s and 1990s, often left with something to show for it: scars.

“People were bleeding all over the place,” said Susie McKeown, who is now 52 and remembers going to Action Park after she graduated from high school more than 30 years ago. “People were walking around the park with scraped elbows or knees.’’

She went home with her own badge of honor, having broken one of her front teeth on a ride that ended with a 15- or 20-foot plunge into a chilly pond. “You went so fast that if your chin hit the water at the wrong angle, you chipped your teeth,” she said.

She is hardly alone, as far as injuries go — or memories. Sports Illustrated recently published a 3,300-word article under the headline, “Remembering Action Park, America’s Most Dangerous, Daring Water Park.”

And in 2014, Cory Booker, a United States senator from New Jersey and a Democratic presidential candidate, wrote on Twitter, “I’ve got stories 2 tell.”

Now a documentary is on the way. Its title is “Class Action Park,” a reference to one of the many nicknames for Action Park. The park, about 50 miles northwest of New York City in Vernon, N.J., was long ago replaced by a far tamer destination, with different owners and a new name, Mountain Creek Water Park.

Action Park “was funny, it was weird, it was hysterical, but there was a darkness to it,” said Seth Porges, who made the documentary with Chris Charles Scott.

“People got hurt there. The hardest part of making this movie was: How do you portray that? A lot of people look back fondly on it as a coming-of-age experience. How do you reconcile the fun of it with the human toll?”

Mr. Porges’s parents put Action Park on their vacation itinerary when he was a teenager growing up in Bethesda, Md. “I have these memories of impossible machines, water slides that seemed like they came from a Looney Tunes cartoon and this crazed atmosphere of chaos,” he said.

He also remembers the way Action Park promoted itself in the 80s and 90s. “The ads portrayed the place as a family-friendly, wholesome, great place to bring your kids,” he said. “You’d get there and realize the reality of the situation was anything but.”

The website WeirdNJ said two of the touchstones of growing up in New Jersey were being able to name all the places in the opening montage of “The Sopranos” and being seriously injured at Action Park. At least 14 broken bones and 26 head injuries were reported in 1984 and 1985. Action Park eventually bought the town new ambulances to handle trips to hospitals.

But there were deaths at Action Park: six between 1978, when it opened, and 1996, when it closed. (It reopened under different owners a few years later, only to close and reopen again.) Two deaths occurred within a single week in 1982. One victim was a 15-year-old boy who drowned in the notorious Tidal Wave Pool. The other was a 27-year-old man who was electrocuted on a ride called Kayak Experience.

“There was virtually no action taken against” Action Park, said Mr. Porges, the filmmaker. “Eventually it shut down, not because of some regulator who said ‘You’re through.’ But because it went bankrupt.” (The state Labor Department found no violations in the kayak case, but said that electric current from an underwater fan could have caused serious bodily injury.)

Mr. Porges, a former editor at Maxim and Popular Mechanics magazines who has a degree in journalism, saw Action Park as a good story. “I’m a journalist by trade,” he said. “I realized this is a great opportunity to apply my trade, so we began to dig. The true story of Action Park — it’s weirder and crazier than the legend.”

But it is the nostalgia-tinted legend that remains in people’s memories. Alison Becker, 42, an actress and writer best known for a recurring role on the sitcom “Parks and Recreation,” said the risks at Action Park were part of the appeal. She said she had gone to Six Flags Great Adventure, which is also in New Jersey, and nothing equaled the fear factor at Action Park.

“You know the scene in ‘Footloose’ where they’re playing a game of chicken with tractors and going at each other?” said Ms. Becker, who grew up about 30 miles from Action Park in Allamuchy Township. “Most people look at that and say, ‘What dumb kids.’ I look at it and say, ‘That’s like a day at Action Park. They could’ve charged an extra five for that, and we would have paid it.”

Action Park was so notorious that there are stories about a test dummy that was sent through a ride before it opened. The dummy came out missing something — its head, in some versions; a leg or an arm in others.

Andy Mulvihill, 56, the son of Action Park’s longtime owner, said the tale about the dummy’s head was true. He said he knows this because he was there. He was the first person to go on that ride, he said, after the dummy came out decapitated.

“I was wearing my hockey equipment when I did it,” he said. Speed was essential. “If you didn’t have enough speed,” Mr. Mulvihill said, “you’d fall and smash your face, and if you smashed hard enough, you could break your nose or knock out some teeth.”

He said that ride was open for only a few weeks at a time. “Generally, the rides were very tame,” he said. “But there were some where you controlled the speed and the action, and if you were reckless, you could get hurt.”

Action Park was created by Andy Mulvihill’s father Eugene, whom Mr. Porges described as a “showman-huckster businessman, a mixture of P.T. Barnum and Walt Disney, with a little bit of Trump.”

Andy Mulvihill said “the intent certainly was not to make it dangerous.”

He also said the deaths did not deter his father, who pleaded guilty to fraud charges related to insurance policies in 1984 and whom the Securities and Exchange Commission banned from the securities business in 1986.

“He didn’t build Action Park just to make money,” Mr. Porges said.

Nor did he “build Action Park just to break rules,” he said. “He really wanted to create an incredibly fun place. He had a vision for the most fun place in the world, unhindered by common sense or safety. A lot of people romanticize it about him and the park. They say there are too many rules now, too much regulation, stuff used to be fun. Yeah, stuff used to be fun — if you survived.”

Andy Mulvihill called the deaths at Action Park “devastating to me.”

But he added, “three of those deaths were drownings. We pulled out thousands and thousands of people who were people who had no business in the water.’’

And yet, it was exhilarating. For some, the conversation in the car on the way there “was about who’s going to do this, who’s going to do that, who do you think is going to get hurt,” recalled Kris Brennan, who is now 45 and lives in Westfield. “It wasn’t ‘If someone gets hurt,’ it was ‘Who’s going to get hurt?’”

Mr. Brennan had “a chunk of skin taken out of my hip” on the 2,700-foot-long Alpine Slide.

“Class Action Park” will probably bring on a flood of memories. But Andy Mulvihill is looking to tell the story his way, and next summer Penguin Books will publish “Action Park: Fast Times, Wild Rides and the Untold Story of America’s Most Dangerous Amusement Park.”

He said it was “nonfiction for sure,” even if it read like fiction.

“When you do something as crazy, as cutting-edge” as Action Park, he said, “and you put it in the metro New York area, where New Yorkers are pretty much crazy anyway, you have stories.”

Sahred From Source link Fashion and Style

from WordPress http://bit.ly/2P6vfur via IFTTT

[sherristockman]

Accountant Quits Day Job and Starts a Chicken Farm Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola Have you ever wanted to quit your day job and start a chicken farm? If this thought has ever crossed your mind, but you believe this is about as far-fetched a dream as becoming an astronaut at retirement age, think again. The video above tells the story of Paul Grieve, who quit his accountant job to cofound Primal Pastures. As noted on its website, Primal Pastures is the outgrowth of:1 A belief that we are experiencing a major food crisis A sound idea of how to fix it A vision of raising the best meat in the world produced in Southern California Starting From Scratch Grieve's journey from cubicle to farm really began when, at the age of 22, his health started failing. After doing some research, he and his family started following a Paleo diet, which led to significant improvements. Grieve's energy level soared and his arthritis disappeared. His father-in-law and brother both lost significant amounts of weight. This ultimately led them to learn more about food in general — how it's produced and altered through various processes. Discouraged by the fact they could not find the kind of food they really wanted in their local grocery stores, the family decided to raise their own free-range chickens. None of them knew anything about raising chickens when they first launched Primal Pastures. Armed with nothing except Joel Salatin's book, "Pastured Poultry Profit$,"2 they set out to raise a flock of 50 chickens. "We really just wanted to produce good food for our family," Grieve says. "That's how this whole thing started." Fifty chickens turned into 100, then 200, then 400. Today, five years later, the Temecula, California, farm produces "healthy and happy" pastured poultry, pork turkey and duck, and grass fed beef and lamb. You can learn more about their farm operation on PrimalPastures.com.3 As you might expect, the venture has seen its fair share of drama. About nine months into it, they lost so many chickens to predators they nearly went out of business. At that point, they added dogs to protect the animals, and have not lost any of their livestock to predators since. They now have 14 dogs guarding the 140-acre farm. Two Models of Food Production As hinted at by Grieve, there are basically two vastly different models of food production today. The first, and most prevalent, is the large-scale agricultural model that takes a very mechanistic view toward life, whereas the other — the local, sustainable farm model — has a biological and holistic view. The latter has the advantage of working with nature rather than against it, and by doing so, you don't need things like antibiotics to keep the flock healthy, or grain with feed additives to keep them nourished. All of those things actually end up doing far more harm than good, as it impacts the quality of the meat. The widely-adopted, factory farm, "bigger is better" food system has reached a point where the fundamental weaknesses of it are becoming readily apparent, and foodborne disease and loss of nutrient content are just two of the most obvious side effects. It's a proven fact that factory farmed and processed foods are far more likely to cause illness than unadulterated, organically-grown foods. This connection should be obvious, but many are still under the mistaken belief that a factory operation equates to better hygiene and quality control, when the exact opposite is actually true. A pig rolling in mud on a small farm is far "cleaner" in terms of pathogenic bacteria than a factory-raised pig stuck in a tiny crate, covered in feces, being fed an unnatural diet of genetically modified grains and veterinary drugs. The Case for Local, Free-Range Chicken The same goes for chickens, and considering the fact factory farmed chicken has been identified as the food responsible for the greatest number of foodborne illnesses,4 thanks to the presence of pathogenic bacteria (many of which are resistant to antibiotics), either raising your own or buying free-range chicken from a local farmer is your safest bet. Consumer Reports' testing in 2007 found more than 80 percent of whole chicken broilers harbored salmonella and/or campylobacter,5 two of the leading causes of foodborne illness. Five years later, in 2013, they found potentially harmful bacteria on 97 percent of the chicken breasts tested,6 and half of them had at least one type of bacterium that was resistant to three or more antibiotics. The same state of affairs is reported in other countries. In New Zealand, Michael Baker, a public health researcher and professor at University of Otago, is urging the implementation of a "tobacco-style" warning label on all raw chicken items, informing shoppers about the health risks involved.7 "It's the most hazardous thing you can take into your kitchen," he says. Recent testing has even revealed factory farmed chicken meat may also contain drugs that are banned for use in food animals.8 Starting a Backyard Flock In the video above, Salatin shows how he raises free-range chickens at Polyface Farm. Salatin's setup is the model upon which Primal Pastures is based. While Primal Pastures is primarily focused on meat production, backyard chickens are a great source of fresh eggs. While chickens can continue to lay eggs for their entire lives provided they're well cared for, the rate at which they do so will slow down considerably after they reach the age of 5. You can help to spread out your chickens' production by adding in younger chicks to your flock after a year or two. Keep in mind your hens will not be egg-producing "machines" year-round. Chickens need at least 14 hours of daylight to produce eggs. This means they're going to produce fewer eggs, and maybe none at all, during darker, colder, winter months. Naturally, you can raise chickens for both eggs and meat, although the latter will also require you to learn about humane slaughter methods. Backyard chickens are growing in popularity again, and many U.S. cities are adjusting zoning ordinances to allow for this pastime. Requirements vary widely depending on your locale, with many limiting the number of chickens you can raise or requiring quarterly inspections (at a cost) and permits. Many cities limit the number of permits that can be issued each year, while some cities even require approval from your neighbors. BackyardChickens.com9 has a section devoted to laws and ordinances on raising chickens across the U.S. It's a good place to start. You'll also need to decide whether you want to raise chickens from the chick stage or get them when they've already reached the "teenaged" stage (known as pullets). The younger chicks will be more labor intensive, yet some say they also become tamer when raised in your flock from that young age (and many enjoy the chick stage). Five Questions to Ask Yourself Before Raising Chickens If you're thinking of raising chickens, you'll likely find inspiration from Salatin's Primal Pastures' operations. However, before you move forward, ask yourself the following questions: Can I dedicate some time each day? — You can expect to devote about 10 minutes a day, an hour per month, and a few hours twice a year to the care and maintenance of your brood. Do I have enough space? — They will need about 10 square feet per bird to roam, preferably more. The more foraging they can do, the healthier and happier they'll be and the better their eggs will be. What are the chicken regulations in my town? — You will want to research this before jumping in because some places have zoning restrictions and even noise regulations (which especially applies if you have a rooster). Are my neighbors on board with the idea? — It's a good idea to see if they have any concerns early on. When they learn they might be the recipients of occasional farm-fresh eggs, they might be more agreeable. Can I afford a flock? — There are plenty of benefits to growing your own eggs, but saving money isn't one of them. There are upfront costs to getting a coop set up, plus ongoing expenses for supplies. For Optimal Health, Buy Real Food For would-be farmers who want to learn more, I suggest reading some of the books Salatin has written, such as "Pastured Poultry Profit$," and "The Sheer Ecstasy of Being a Lunatic Farmer." His website, PolyFaceFarms.com,10 also offers a wealth of information and resources for farmers and consumers alike, including an online store that offers the actual physical hardware to make everything from fences to chicken feeders. If raising chickens isn't your thing, consider seeking out a local source of pasture-raised chicken and fresh eggs, as well as other organic, grass fed and locally-produced foods. If you live in the U.S., the following organizations can steer you in the right direction: Demeter USA — Demeter-USA.org provides a directory of certified Biodynamic farms and brands. This directory can also be found on BiodynamicFood.org. American Grassfed Association — The goal of the American Grassfed Association is to promote the grass fed industry through government relations, research, concept marketing and public education. Their website also allows you to search for AGA approved producers certified according to strict standards that include being raised on a diet of 100 percent forage, raised on pasture and never confined to a feedlot, never treated with antibiotics or hormones and born and raised on American family farms. EatWild.com — EatWild.com provides lists of farmers known to produce raw dairy products as well as grass fed beef and other farm-fresh produce (although not all are certified organic). Here you can also find information about local farmers markets, as well as local stores and restaurants that sell grass fed products. Weston A. Price Foundation — Weston A. Price has local chapters in most states, and many of them are connected with buying clubs in which you can easily purchase organic foods, including grass fed raw dairy products like milk and butter. Grassfed Exchange — The Grassfed Exchange has a listing of producers selling organic and grass fed meats across the U.S. Local Harvest — This website will help you find farmers markets, family farms and other sources of sustainably grown food in your area where you can buy produce, grass fed meats and many other goodies. Farmers Markets — A national listing of farmers markets. Eat Well Guide: Wholesome Food from Healthy Animals — The Eat Well Guide is a free online directory of sustainably raised meat, poultry, dairy and eggs from farms, stores, restaurants, inns, hotels and online outlets in the United States and Canada. Community Involved in Sustaining Agriculture (CISA) — CISA is dedicated to sustaining agriculture and promoting the products of small farms. The Cornucopia Institute — The Cornucopia Institute maintains web-based tools rating all certified organic brands of eggs, dairy products and other commodities, based on their ethical sourcing and authentic farming practices separating CAFO "organic" production from authentic organic practices. RealMilk.com — If you're still unsure of where to find raw milk, check out Raw-Milk-Facts.com and RealMilk.com. They can tell you what the status is for legality in your state, and provide a listing of raw dairy farms in your area. The Farm to Consumer Legal Defense Fund11 also provides a state-by-state review of raw milk laws.12 California residents can also find raw milk retailers using the store locator available at https://ift.tt/UJjPq1.

[josephkitchen0]

My Experience Raising Emus (They Make Great Pets!)

I embarked on raising emus a couple years ago. I wanted to hatch one so bad because they are “cute,” however it is more than just cuteness that leads one to raising emus. The emu is the largest native bird in Australia, and there are three species over there. They are the second largest extant bird to that of their relative, the Ostrich. One of the main reasons I wanted an emu was because they are large and cool, yes, but also that they are a lean meat source. What I did not know is that they do make good pets as well.

I have seven emus now. It all started with one and then I had to get more. You can’t have just one potato chip after all. They are addicting!

Hatched from the egg, a couple hours old

Our best chicken secrets revealed with this FREE guide!

Even old pros say they got dozens of tips for their flocks by reading this guide. YES! I want this Free Guide »

I have found that emus make the best pets when they are young. Don’t go out and get an adult unless they have been already worked with by an individual. Emus are very dangerous if you do not understand them. I will talk about their behavior later in my blogging about them!

My first two emu were Debbie and Quinn. I bonded with these two fast. They were raised in the house first inside a makeshift crib. Emu chicks are like ducklings. They will imprint on you and follow you around. If you have dogs or cats, make sure the dog and cat understand not to eat them as they are fragile at first.

When raising emus, start with a young emu, preferably a day old to a week old. I also find that one that is artificially hatched is MUCH friendlier than one that is naturally hatched. I added Marco and Polo a couple of months later to my emu flock and they were raised by their daddy emu. Emus are like penguins, the male goes broody and incubates the egg and raises their young. Marco and Polo, both females, learned more wild instinctual behavior, therefore they are not as tame as my others.

Another note: Male emu are tamer than females. They have the brooding instinct, therefore they tend to be friendlier. When breeding season comes along, however, you will need to be more careful with both genders. This is with all animals though. The wild instinct kicks in when hormones come in.

Emus grow fast. In a few weeks, Debbie and Quinn had to be put outside. Make sure your housing is predator proof as emu chicks are susceptible for awhile. Adults, however, can take care of themselves very well.

Quinn and Debbie outgrew a bantam chicken very fast! We feed them a ratite starter until they are of breeder age, and then they get a ratite breeder. Diet is very important for emus so that they do not have incubation problems or growth issues later on.

Emus love water and love to bath, therefore a kiddie pool can be provided for their use.

Emus do swim, if you want to know. Ours will swim in the pool or river area if we turn our backs.

Soon after Debbie and Quinn, we got Marco and Polo. These guys were raised naturally, not artificially, therefore they were more wild, and still are. The male emu gets broody and incubates the eggs in the natural settings. Marco and Polo were raised in a large group until they came to me.

Polo

Marco would climb and hide in the bookcase daily for enjoyment. If you want emus as pets, get those that are raised artificially.

Emus need a lot of exercise. Once your emus are used to you, in my case when the older ones are used to you (so the wild ones will follow the older more “behaved” emus) I let them run around for 30 minutes each day.

After Marco and Polo, we added Stormy and Sparks were added to our mix. Soon after Monster Hesh joined the emu family. The last three are very friendly and inquisitive. The only two that are a bit wild are Marco and Polo but when they are together, they are more comfortable around people. One way to get them used to you is to constantly have them eat out of your hands.

When raising emus, you must have at least two. They are very sociable creatures and need a buddy. Mine are always calling for each other. They are the dinosaur version of a duck in my opinion. You cannot just have one.

From our gang to yours,

~Debbie, Quinn, Marco, Polo, Stormy, Sparks, and Monster Hesh

Visit Countryside Network for more great stories about poultry farming, including raising backyard chickens, keeping turkeys, keeping guinea fowl and more!

 Originally published in 2014 and regularly vetted for accuracy.

My Experience Raising Emus (They Make Great Pets!) was originally posted by All About Chickens