#in an attempt to protect yourself
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GUYS.
Go watch NIMONA. Right. Now.
IT’S SO GOOD.
#nimona (the character) had my heart within 0.5 seconds#the gay knights are dorky and adorable#the queerness is EXPLICT#and THROUGH THE ROOF#ABSOLUTELY a take down of the model minority myth#and systematic injustice#and just….everything that has to do with putting down or suppressing them#in an attempt to protect yourself#SO GOOD
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Some fans: Eloise is such a fake feminist, doesn't she see how some girls and women enjoy marriage? Doesn't she see how her privileges give her luxuries others don't? She's so selfish. She doesn't even use her words to support other women!
Also same fans: I wish Eloise would stop talking, like her speaking about feminism at every turn is getting old. Can't she just be quiet and let everyone enjoy the fun? Like yeah talking about women's lack of personhood without a male figure in society, or how they can't go to university, or how sometimes they marry men who will only hurt them but need to for their status is sad to see, but THE ROMANCE-
#bridgerton#eloise bridgerton#like...this is the rhetoric i see a lot in this fandom especially on twitter and insta#like how are you going to call eloise a fake but then get mad at her when she calls out her society?#how are you going to wish that characters you love weren't put in these circumstances but then shit on the only one calling it out?#like is eloise flawed in her mindset? of course but 1.) she's young and learning 2.) making attempts to grow 3.) is the only one championing#for women's rights verbally and numerous times on screen#and while she is privileged it's shown many in her stsnding don't agree with her and turn against her when she speaks about feminism#so you can tell that it's not a favored topic of discussion#that within itself shows me that she's doing more than most around her#(and no just making a fortune for yourself as woman does not make you adherently feminist especially if you earned that wealth by tearing#down other women (no matter their status) and/or blackmailing them)#and to say eloise is fake but ignore how she risked so much to protect not only pen but geneieve is laughable
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Doomsday Cult Christians when the Doomsday Cult ideology causes Doomsday anxiety in their kids:
#I talked about it a lil on a different post but then I once again remember how my grandfather told me#that he believes that climate change is a thing that will harm the planet#but christians don't need to worry about it because you'll either die before it kills you and go to heaven#or you'll be protected from it and just live in the climate change ravaged world#watching the people around you suffer from it but magically being okay yourself#and he couldn't understand why that made me feel so much worse#he's also 82 so that could partially be it#and yes this is the same grandfather that made fun of me and our neighbors kid for attempting u know what#doomsday christians are so fucking terrifying#because they don't fear death in the wrong way if that makes sense#like they view this as the practice round of war before the spiritual war aka the rapture#so they feel like if people aren't suffering they aren't fighting and therefore insist on making people suffer#and the more you suffer the better heaven will feel or whatever#it's fuckin wild#even when I was a christian I was terrified of it all#ex christian#religious trauma
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Okay sure just split the group again I'm sure nothing could go wrong this time dividing them into sub-groups to sting at high levelled and relatively unknown areas with high risk and high threat of boss level enemies in the vicinity and then go on another break to make us stew on that, it's fine IT'S FINE!
#critical role#bell's hells#cr spoilers#c3 e89#critical role spoilers#the volition#ruby vanguard#the imperium#ruidus#unseelie court#universe really gotta hit me with Frieren season finale and CR going on a break AND One Piece going on a break!#it's like you want me to have nothing to do on Friday#honestly how many times in all 3 campaigns has splitting up worked? Not a lot Matt it's just evil PCs have died#my Callowmoore heart of course is relieved that Ashton and Fearne are in the same group this time - they're not gonna lose her again#maybe we can sneak in some combo moves for Bearne and Bashton - play a bit of holies#but still it's difficult to gauge how to deal with Athion plus maybe a dragon indoors plus Ira's willingness to leave people behind#Otohan and Ludinus can be lurking anywhere too#we still have no idea where Ryn is being kept either#the Liliana assassination attempt is doomed to fail and as much as it's a terrible choice I think Imogen needs to let her go#she talks about Ludinus like an abusive lover but acts blind to the cries of the people she says she's protecting#like woman go home! If they need you then removing yourself from the board stops them that's why there's a target on your back#but we all believe in Gaz supremacy at least#and more moon lore always gotta have the moon lore#tag reader's bonus: turtles live in every continent except antarctica#idk usually I have this many tags in ship posts so I drop a headcanon but this is more just panic so you get a nice turtle fact
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wait wait wait, I get oot being a narrative about being forced to grow up early bc literally everything abt kokiri forest, but how is it a narrative about adults failing children? Link in particular? I'd think if anything they failed Zelda by not taking her warnings seriously so she had nobody to help her prevent it except Impa and a kid she met less than a week ago, which in the end was their ruin that Link had to deal with...oh ok that sums it up doesn't it. but I'm. Actually struggling to recall concrete, on-screen adult characters lmao.
Ok ok recap, the Deku tree didn't actually send for Link until he was Literally Dying (and given that it was too late to save him from the curse and some kokiri had noticed something wrong with the forest, he must have stuck with it WITHOUT saying anything for a while) and given that literally all the kokiri are kids he didn't have much of a choice pick. Can't remember if Darunia actually asked Link to clear the dodongo cave or if he did it on his own...but yeah the Zora king was useless—dude, don't ask the nine year old to crawl in the belly of a giant fish and GET OFF YOUR BUTT. Sage of Light was a BITCH like, shut up and don't blame the 9 yo for opening the sacred realm, ganondorf would have gotten there eventually and hurting a lot more people in the process, where the hell were you when it happened given that this is YOUR temple. And then when he was 16 most ppl wouldn't know that he's still 9 inside so I think I glazed over from there? Maybe I shouldn't have, but I get the feeling that kids come of age and are trusted with adult responsabilities earlier in their world—I mean, in wind waker Link came of age at 12.
OK that's like 4 adults who failed to deal with their own problems but I really think the Deku Tree tried his best until the curse forced his non-existent hand. Honorary mentions for useless adults include Malon's lazy father and the greedy stable hand (poor Malon) and the castle patrolling guards. And the windmill guy not checking the well after u play the song of storms bc HOLY SHIT. And whoever sealed the well in the future nor sealing the top too, are you ASKING for someone to fall down there
oh this is great. more people should come into my asks and then literally make my entire point for me
#also just because the deku tree didn't INTEND to cause link harm doesnt necessarily negate the harm he did.#i dont think ANY adult in oot was TRYING to hurt link or zelda (aside from ganondorf obv) but that's the point--#the adults in their various attempts to utilize the children--to keep them away from the conflict to use them as tools in the conflict etc#end up hurting them and failing at their fundamental duty as adults: to protect and raise these children.#and yes this isn't necessarily directly stated in game but so much of oot is implied narrative! you're meant to come to these conclusions#yourself.#asks
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screams. i need to make a siren character NOW
#there is one old honey sweet idea that mmmmmmaybe fits the bill but it leans a lot more into the desire for a place fundamentally hostile--#--to you despite Knowing that and the damage done by squeezing yourself into selves that dont fit like man. i want a freaky--#--fish that eats people right now !#the more predatory aspect mmmight fit in with the cetacea-y guys resulting from the fructis dragons involved in ve-corpsis' first attempt--#--at ascension like ive talked the most abt the drakes turning into whales bc theyre what ive got the most fleshed out but the small--#--number of fructis dragons also got transformed into mammalian ocean guys. smaller+flashier but still sticking to the same pods as the--#--whales + relying largely on them for protection+food. maybe they can sometimes lure sailors into the ocean and then eat them thatd be fun
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im still on my fuckshit but when i think of cc maria ( by extension also nosy maria but specifically noting the isolation aspect of cc );
can you imagine one day skimming the paper. its been a few weeks since all the commotion knowing your friends' had attempted to come find you but then were chased off. never actually heard or saw any of them, but you know they were around.
but you've been moved from the cells to a mattress upstairs. you're given more freedom, more wiggle room, you're allowed to do things - little hobby-type activities - you're given better foods, you're looked after by the older woman at the other house. the man who took you, who terrifies you still to some degree, slowly doesn't feel like such a stranger anymore, you're right to still be cautious around him but as the days, the weeks, pass by, there's simply a different air about him, and in the shack. lighter, in a sense.
you find yourself growing used to the new daily - the new routine. of waking to the sound of him getting ready for the day, of being left alone in there for hours sometimes, others trailing after him like a duckling, around the older womans' property, helping with an array of tasks. and you worry about upsetting her at first, unsure if doing so will earn a knife to the throat. you listen, you do as you're told, you find some kind of way to co-exist - all the while still, in the back of your mind, there's still a ray of hope,
that maybe, maybe, since the rest of them got away - that they're merely licking their wounds, that they'll get word out and even with all the silence since they had been on the property, there's that shred of hope that maybe? someone will waltz in, guns blazing so to speak, and you'll get out of this hell finally.
that is, until that day - that you're skimming through the paper, and you recognize yourself in a little column - and you realize you're staring at your own fucking obituary.
and in that moment everything seems solidified.
you're never getting away.
there's no point in it.
there's no one out there who are still trying to find you, get you back, bring you home, back to your mothers' arms, back to being an older sister, back to the circle of friends you loved so dearly.
you're dead.
not just to the world, but to those you loved - those who claimed to have loved you, too.
what else do you have at that point? where else do you go, even if you still tried to leave? who wouldn't look at you sideways for the blood that's already stained your hands? for the flesh caught between teeth?
who else is there, except the one murmuring encouragement and praise in your ear?
the only constant you've had in all these weeks? whose words rang true - clearly - that no one cared? that they abandoned you? left you there, didn't even care to make sure you were alive or not? only thought of themselves and got the fuck outta there without confirming if you were even still alive.
#[ ♡ ] ── * maria f. / 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦.#[ 𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘦. ] ── * queue.#[ 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦. ] ── * cold case.#[ 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦. ] ── * no one saved you.#for cc maria its just. theres literally no one else. the only constant has been johnny. hes the one who was there with her when the#broadcasts sounded off her searches being called off. the only one who ensured she ate - was clothed - was looked after when she fell ill.#who she could talk to. who in spite of all her escape attempts & all her attempts at trying to kill him kept her around - taught her how to#do things properly - protected her from others that'd be brought down below shack. honestly. her isolation in cc - only having any sort of#connection being with johnny for *months* before he trusted her enough to let her join him for longer periods - like its. complicated.#SO fucking complicated. youre seen as dead to literally everyone else in existence - *except for him*. he who sees you. who hears you.#who talks to you. looks after you. its hard not to find yourself becoming attached/devoted. to the only person who knows you still exist#like i mentioned for nosy its. theres lee there too now so its. a little different. it doesnt hit right away - the almost blind devotion.#but it still happens - over time - with the both of them. the last two people who for a time at least know you were even still living.#and its by the time ch2 rolls in for either cc/nosy its just. its so confusing to her. why they all bother returning then?#for cc its just. you all buried me in an empty box twenty years ago...you all moved on then. you accepted that. so why are you here now.#why are you re-opening wounds that shouldve been long buried - with that empty casket. why suddenly care now?#in nosy she suppresses it w. her bitterness but cc i feel it comes out more like... grief & hurt. all over again. because if you came back#20 yrs after the fact? then why DIDNT you return back then? why *now* and not then? at any point in the last two decades?
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i did not sleep yay for me im still on my fuckshit but when i think of cc maria ( by extension also nosy maria but specifically noting the isolation aspect of cc );
can you imagine one day skimming the paper. its been a few weeks since all the commotion knowing your friends' had attempted to come find you but then were chased off. never actually heard or saw any of them, but you know they were around.
but you've been moved from the cells to a mattress upstairs. you're given more freedom, more wiggle room, you're allowed to do things - little hobby-type activities - you're given better foods, you're looked after by the older woman at the other house. the man who took you, who terrifies you still to some degree, slowly doesn't feel like such a stranger anymore, you're right to still be cautious around him but as the days, the weeks, pass by, there's simply a different air about him, and in the shack. lighter, in a sense.
you find yourself growing used to the new daily - the new routine. of waking to the sound of him getting ready for the day, of being left alone in there for hours sometimes, others trailing after him like a duckling, around the older womans' property, helping with an array of tasks. and you worry about upsetting her at first, unsure if doing so will earn a knife to the throat. you listen, you do as you're told, you find some kind of way to co-exist - all the while still, in the back of your mind, there's still a ray of hope,
that maybe, maybe, since the rest of them got away - that they're merely licking their wounds, that they'll get word out and even with all the silence since they had been on the property, there's that shred of hope that maybe? someone will waltz in, guns blazing so to speak, and you'll get out of this hell finally.
that is, until that day - that you're skimming through the paper, and you recognize yourself in a little column - and you realize you're staring at your own fucking obituary.
and in that moment everything seems solidified.
you're never getting away.
there's no point in it.
there's no one out there who are still trying to find you, get you back, bring you home, back to your mothers' arms, back to being an older sister, back to the circle of friends you loved so dearly.
you're dead.
not just to the world, but to those you loved - those who claimed to have loved you, too.
what else do you have at that point? where else do you go, even if you still tried to leave? who wouldn't look at you sideways for the blood that's already stained your hands? for the flesh caught between teeth?
who else is there, except the one murmuring encouragement and praise in your ear?
the only constant you've had in all these weeks? whose words rang true - clearly - that no one cared? that they abandoned you? left you there, didn't even care to make sure you were alive or not? only thought of themselves and got the fuck outta there without confirming if you were even still alive.
#for cc maria its just. theres literally no one else. the only constant has been johnny. hes the one who was there with her when the#broadcasts sounded off her searches being called off. the only one who ensured she ate - was clothed - was looked after when she fell ill.#who she could talk to. who in spite of all her escape attempts & all her attempts at trying to kill him kept her around - taught her how to#do things properly - protected her from others that'd be brought down below shack. honestly. her isolation in cc - only having any sort of#connection being with johnny for *months* before he trusted her enough to let her join him for longer periods - like its. complicated.#*so* fucking complicated. youre seen as dead to literally everyone else in existence - *except for him*. he who sees you. who hears you.#you speaks with you. looks after you. its hard not to find yourself becoming attached/devoted. to the only person who knows you still exist#like i mentioned for nosy its. theres lee there too now so its. a little different. it doesnt hit right away - the almost blind devotion.#but it still happens - over time - with the both of them. the last two people who for a time at least know you were even still living.#and its by the time ch2 rolls in for either cc/nosy its just. its so confusing to her. why they all bother returning then?#for cc its just. you all buried me in an empty box twenty years ago...you all moved on then. you accepted that. so why are you here now.#why are you re-opening wounds that shouldve been long buried - with that empty casket. why suddenly care now?#in nosy she suppresses it with her bitterness but cc i feel it comes out more like... grief & hurt. all over again. because if you came bac#20 yrs after the fact? then why DIDNT you return back then? why *now* and not then?#[ mf ] ── * 𝐇𝐂 / 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄. { maria. }#[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { cold case. }#[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { no one saved you. }#[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { we saved us. }
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#tag talk#gonna talk about Dodie's music and why I like the lyrics and themes#she sings about being queer in a very vague way besides “Rainbow”. It feels very much more about relationship type rather than sexuality#“In the Middle” “I Kissed Someone (It Wasn't You)”. songs about wanting a different kind of relationship. feeling out of place because of i#dreams about people being okay with you wanting a different kind of romance or sex experience.#it's not “oh no ooouuu I'm gay” but a more subtle relationship style misfit. the closeted bi vibes. the poly forced to be monogamous vibes.#a kind of queer that gets overlooked because so many people assume that gay/lesbian people are still monogamous romantic who want to marry#“okay you can be gay but only as long as you aren't anything else queer.” you still have to find “the one” and settle down and get married#and if you want anything else then we demonize you again. we decide that this one thing is okay but everything else is still social devianc#idk. the sad loneliness vibes she catches are really good because it's not just lonely. it's being invisible while still being seen#there's people around you but you're still shut out. you're in a relationship but you still don't feel loved.#you're visible and yet they still never see you.#and I forgot to mention! the traffic idea of cheating. like. being pulled away from a relationship because it isn't for you#and knowing that you what you're doing isn't great but being unable to sit still in a bad situation.#we do not always escape situations well. or without causing harm to others. but we hurt others in our attempt to protect ourselves#especially clear in “I Kissed Someone”. like. when you're not happy with a situation but you opt for small hurt instead of catastrophic hurt#the fear of breaking up a relationship so you seek small escapes instead of destroying the prison you've built around yourself
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i do feel i understand why the emperor turns against you if you free orpheus, and it's mainly bc to orpheus tav and co are still not mindflayers, but he 100% is and he doesn't believe that orpheus will be like. cool with that.lol
#ama plays baldurs gate#only for orpheus to wake up and go 'you need a mindflayer' and just becomes on himself lol#but in the reveal scene of who the emperor is like. you get the feeling yourself that orpheus Will kill you#so it is kinda a desperate attempt that might not even work and then there goes your protection#or maybe im just too gullible again#him running off to the elder brain Is weird tho. at least if youre on the path where he is trying to be better#anyway enough emperor thoughts this is a my mind barbies zone only
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ed really just…has a truly tragic thesis in season one…
no amount of money or power will protect you from those determined to view you as an object
#like stede’s would be ‘your attempts to protect yourself can and do harm other people’#so that’s not much happier lmao but like#this question follows both: ‘so what are you going to do about it?’#stede’s thesis is a source of empowerment#ed’s is (we are assuming based on the end of s1ep10) a source of disempowerment and danger#and i think that’s fucking brilliantly indicative of the world we live in#and it fuckin g hurts so bad!!!!!#these writers are so fucking good and it is awesome to be able to trust a writers room tbh#ofmd#our flag means death#edward teach
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Man, I can't believe I didn't wake up to this news in the form of a Supernatural meme :(
Seriously, though - if you have the ability to vote, go do it. And while you're at it, maybe bring someone along with you who might not have the means to go vote on their own.
Yes yes, I too am very sad and annoyed that Trump is not dead, I got all breathlessly excited and queued up "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" to be ready for a great announcement, and then I didn't even get to play it. It's a huge bummer.
However, step two of this huge bummer is NOT "Oh no and now his fandom will be EVEN MORE ANNOYING, we have basically already lost :((((" That is the devil speaking. Step two is to say "Ah heck, his fandom is going to be even more annoying, better FUCKING VOTE AND MAKE SURE EVERYONE I KNOW ALSO VOTES" Stop your worthless defeatism, stop your stupid pessimism, stop trying to GIVE UP AND SURRENDER just cause one weird thing happened.
GO VOTE, IDIOTS
#politics#can't believe a time traveler failed to kill the new wannabe hitler lol#dude - if you wanna pull an assassination attempt you gotta know how to aim first :(#in other news - THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS LMAO#on the one hand i don't want that dick to be martyred - but on the other hand i REALLY want him to fukken die already#and on an extra hand politicians need to know their constituents can fucking kill them if they're being asshole shitbags#and before anyone is all 'OH BUT KRYS - YOU SHOULDN'T WISH DEATH ON PEOPLE CUZ THAT'S BAD'#uhhhh so is wanting entire subsets of people to be wiped from existence when all those subsets are doing is trying to exist???#like. sure. you can wish for the problem in question to change their ways - but it's much more likely that they won't#like. seriously. come on now#him and his crowd really out here being all 'oh no an lgbt could kiss another lgbt near me and that is a threat to my life and safety'#bitch HOW#or even 'this person is different from me in color or beliefs or just fukken LOCATION and i am so scared about it i could die'#bitch PLEASE - that's PATHETIC#existing should not be a crime punishable by death#what SHOULD be punishable by death is wanting to slaughter countless people - and actively fighting to allow and ENABLE that slaughter#wishing for this orange turd's death is - by comparison - a spit in the ocean#like sure - it's still RUDE#but it's not as bad as wanting LITERAL GENOCIDE#tl;dr if someone is trying to make you not exist you have a right to fight back to protect yourself#self defense is not a crime
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you know when irish people were fighting for freedom the rebels were never considered revolutionaries or freedom fighters. we had only ever been called terrorists by the british government, because when you call a people fighting for their rights and their freedoms terrorists you can distance yourself from them. people aren't fighting because they've been radicalised by 800 years of colonialism or 75 years of brutal settler imperialism, they're fighting because they're dirty terrorists trying to hurt our democracy and kill our children. and now we don't have any responsibility to reckon with the years of subjugation and settler violence and attempted genocide, because how can you expect us to deal with terrorists? the same story repeats itself over and over n it's shocking how people will eat it up every time when it comes to protecting and maintaining western power.
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just us
masterlist
summary: a situation between pogues and kooks at the beach made Rafe rethink his priorities
word count: 1.8k.
warnings: season 4 spoilers, established relationship, mention of the dead turtle, that hoe Ruthie, protective Rafe
a/n: i'm obsessed with season 4, y'all. absolutely in love with everything that's going on and especially with Rafe being in a better place with a girl that he actually likes 🥹 this scene at the beach with turtles just made me sob, so I really need someone to drag that bitch by her hair. sorry not sorry.
Your heart was beating with adrenaline from the scene that just happened at the beach, with Topper’s girlfriend almost running over the pogues and being the usual insane bitch that she was. Rafe stood beside you, silent but shaking his buzzed head in disapproval.
Kie was standing on her knees on the sand, in shock, with juice still dripping down her face and hair. She brushed off the help of her friends, instead standing and picking something up from the ground, without hesitation, going towards the group of people around you. They seemed absolutely delighted by the whole situation, laughing, fist bumping each other, and making you want to punch every single one of them in the face.
You didn’t even want to be here in the first place, not with a bunch of people with whom you shared mutual hatred towards each other. Rafe was your only connection with them, and it seemed like even for him it was a bit too much. A fun day at a beach with a little surfing competition, where even Topper and JJ seemed to have some fun together, took the wrong turn way too quickly.
“Look what you did! Is this okay?” Kie stopped in front of Ruthie, reaching out her hand to show something that you weren’t able to see, but by the look on her face it was obviously serious to her. “There was a turtle hatch, you idiots! You drove right over it!” Your stomach twisted at the realization, and you took a step closer to see it yourself.
“Oh my God.” You whispered, catching a glimpse of a tiny dead turtle with a crushed shell laying in the palm of her hand. So little and harmless that the picture of it brought tears to your eyes.
“Don’t look, baby.” Rafe’s deep voice mumbled near your ear, with a warm hand sprawled across your back to try to distract you, but you shook your head, unable to take your eyes off it.
“All right, but it was only one.” Ruthie said with her usual attitude, nonchalantly pointing to the rest of the turtles that, luckily, were perfectly fine. Your mouth opened in disbelief, and you looked at Rafe to see him uncomfortably rubbing the back of his head.
“I’m so sorry, Kie…” You whispered to her, stepping further away from the kooks, eyes drifting again to the dead animal in her hand. No matter how hard you tried to fit in with Rafe and his friends, you could never be one of them if it meant to be a bunch of pompous and cruel rich kids. You thought that, maybe it was time for you to finally admit that.
“It’s not your fault, Y/N.” She briefly looked at you, because despite not being friends, there never were any arguments between you and the rest of the pogues, always keeping cool and friendly with each other. “There’s something wrong with you, people.” Kiara looked back at the kooks with disgust written all over her face.
“I’m leaving, Rafe.” Barely holding back your tears, you looked back at your boyfriend, before picking up your beach bag from the sand and turning around. “I’m sorry again for them, Kie.”
“No, wait, Y/N.” He pushed through the crowd, wide-eyed, quickly approaching you and grasping your wrist. “This is not—“
“I don’t want to be here. I didn’t sign up to hang out with your friends when I started dating you, okay?” You groaned in frustration, attempting to move, but Rafe stopped you. “I don’t even know why we’re here, why you are here, when you clearly don’t enjoy it anymore.”
“Listen, this is not so easy, okay?” He rolled his eyes, but you knew it was not fully directed at you; Rafe was already struggling with trusting those around him, and the fact that you slowly but steadily made him reconsider his current surroundings did not help.
“You are not like them, they are not your friends, don’t you understand it?” The pure desperation was speaking in you, searching for the answers in his eyes. You overheard some people laughing at you, as they were too confident that Rafe would never listen to someone like you, someone from the cut, not even realizing the war that was currently going on in his head.
He was silent, thinking, making his already overwhelmed mind go hundred miles per hour to figure something out, because you were right. The more time had passed, the more the two of you were together, the less Rafe found himself enjoying the presence of his old friends, the less he wanted to do that childish bullshit.
“This dumb fucking bitch almost ran over people and killed an innocent animal because her big ego got hurt, do you understand?! So I’m leaving. Alone or with you.” You almost whispered the last part to him, too scared that he'd not choose you. At the end of the day, you were a pogue, and no matter how much you tried, you would never be good enough for Rafe.
“What did you just call me?” Ruthie arched a brow, now shooting daggers at you.
“I called you a dumb fucking bitch, didn’t you hear me?” You spat, finally having a good enough reason to tell the truth right in her face. “Or are you too stupid to get that through your thick scull?”
“That’s rich, coming for a pogue. It’s just a cycle of life. And if you, losers, are so offended by that, it’s not my problem.”
“A cycle of life? Getting flattened by a truck is not a cycle of life.” Kiara pushed Ruthie with her hand, and it nearly turned into a fight, with JJ standing by his girlfriend's side. You turned away from them, too frustrated and drained to bother listening to the rest of the conversation, your gaze shifting to Rafe, who still held your hand.
“I want to leave. Stay here if you want to, I don’t care. I’m done with them, Rafe.” Your teary eyes met his blue ones, and he shook his head, pulling you closer with your forearms. The mere thought of you leaving him, angry and upset, triggered a whirlwind of panic within him.
“Hey, no, I’m not staying, okay?” Rafe's hands, now much gentler and delicate, touched your cheeks, wiping away a few tears that you could not keep back. Rafe had never been too comfortable with the display of emotions, and he was pretty sure that it was the first time he had actually seen you cry. And he knew how much you had always carried for animals, how you petted every stray cat or a dog on the street, and how you hated any form of violence against them.
The pulsating and aching feeling in his chest at the sight of your tears made him want to drop everything, or rather, eliminate everyone who had upset you, and just hold you in his arms.
“Aw, look at you.” You heard that annoying voice behind you back again, pulling you out of the bubble in which you fell, and turning around, you saw that Kie and JJ were no longer there. Your eyes instantly rolled back as Ruthie looked at you with her usual fake sympathy, crossing her arms over her chest. “Go back to your side of the island, you’re not one of us. Don’t even know why Rafe bothers to bring you here when you’re just another dirty toy to—“
Rafe left your side before she could finish her sentence, looming over her with the most furious expression you had ever seen on his face. Everyone and everything seemed to fall silent for a moment, and you held your breath, unsure what he would do. “Wanna say some bullshit about her? Try to do it right in my face and see what happens.”
“You’re not seriously protecting the pogue. She’s not on our side.” Her smile faded, her eyes now nervously looking between Rafe and Topper, who was standing behind her back.
“C’mon, Rafe…” He started, but quickly shut his mouth as soon as Rafe turned his head towards him with a silent threat. You felt your heartbeat quickening as the atmosphere started to get even more intense. Everyone around you also started arguing and saying God knows what, but Rafe was awfully calm, and it frightened you even more.
You moved closer to them as you made your way through the warm sand, until you were able to place a comforting hand on your boyfriend's back. He was so tense under your touch that it amazed you how the hell he was not shaking because of it. The only times you had ever seen him behaving that way was when people whispered something about his father behind his back.
“It’s okay, Ray.” You whispered, kissing his shoulder and sliding your hand down his back to take a hold of his bicep.
“You’re lucky that I don’t hit women. But if I hear a single word about my girlfriend again, you will regret it, I promise you." Your stomach flattered from the way he protected you, from the way his friends opened their mouths in shock at his words. Even Topper and Kelce were too stunned to speak, sending each other weird glances. “Control, your crazy bitch, Top.”
As if nothing had happened, Rafe stepped back, throwing a protective hand over your shoulders and guiding you away from the group. He was silent for a whole walk towards his truck, only stopping near the passenger door and turning you to face him.
His worried blue eyes were almost shining under the bright and hot sun and you saw words forming in his head and sitting at the tip of his tongue. You waited another minute, while Rafe was focused on your necklace, thinking. His hands found a place on your waist, rubbing circles into your skin, until he finally took a deep breath and looked up.
“You’re right.” He said simply. “I’m not this person anymore. That shit with racing with pogues was fun and all, but I didn’t like what happened today.” You half smiled, nodding and encouraging him to talk. “If—if I want to be like my dad, I need to have my priorities straight. No more of this bullshit, no more fake ass people, yeah? You’re the only one who's been here for me for a long fucking time. You’re the only one who I can trust, baby.”
His hand cupped your cheek, eyes focused solemnly on you, before he lowered himself closer to you to place a kiss on your lips.
“This is the right decision. You’ve overgrown them, you’re a better man now. And i’ll be here for you whenever you need me, I promise. I guess it’s just us now." Your body sagged against his, too wrapped in the comfort of his presence to even care about anything else. Your lips brushed against his, making Rafe groan.
“Just us, baby.”
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Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
His question hit like a punch, and the pressure of it lingered in the air, heavy and suffocating. Armed Forces Day? Three years ago? A sharp jolt of recognition hit you, though the details of that night remained fuzzy. The memories were there, but they felt distant—like something you hadn't allowed yourself to fully remember after becoming a mother.
You steadied yourself, trying to mask the unease rising in your chest. “What are you talking about?” you tried to sound steady but the tightening grip on your purse betrayed the rush of nerves running through you.
Simon shifted, his broad frame nearly eclipsing the dim light of the bar. His jaw tightened, and for a moment, he seemed to wrestle in his own head, as though each word carried a burden too heavy to bear. “There was a night,” he began, his tone low and rough, every syllable deliberate. “Here. Three years ago. You were here. So was I.”
Your heart skipped, a wave of realization hitting with an almost physical force. The hazy recollections of that night flooded back, slowly accumulating together—laughter, drinks, an unexpected connection. Something that hadn’t felt planned but had burned far too bright to ignore.
The knot in your stomach twisted painfully, every part of you urging you to push it away, but the truth had already begun to sink in. “You’re…” The words stalled in your throat, heavy and lodged, the sentence unfinished as the reality stung like an accusation between you.
Simon exhaled sharply, part sigh, part laugh—but there was no humor in it. His gaze locked onto yours with unsettling intensity, and for a moment, it felt like he was waiting for you to break. “Yeah,” he replied simply, the word thick with certainty. “And she’s mine, isn’t she?”
A cold shiver ran down your spine, your body instinctively stiffening. The truth strung in the silence between you both, too glaring to avoid. Heart racing, every sense screamed to deny it, to distance yourself from this conversation before it spiraled out of control. But anything that could be said felt wrong, heavy on your tongue as you forced them out: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Simon’s eyes held yours, filled with something you hadn’t seen before—a desperation that cut through his usually composed demeanor. “Please,” he urged, the plea more potent. “Just tell me.”
How could this be happening? How could something so raw, so unspoken, suddenly spill into the air between the two of you? The weight of the moment anchored you, and for a moment, you couldn’t find a way to move past it.
“She is,” you muttered at last, the confession slipping out like an unwanted secret. Fingers clenched tightly against the table’s edge, grounding yourself against the suffocating reality pressing in. “I never thought… never thought you'd come back into the picture.”
A brief silence stretched out before you spoke again, everything tumbling out in a rush. "I didn’t even know your name. All I recall was you kept making me." The admission hung in the air, lighter than it was, an attempt to lighten everything you didn’t want to say.
The memory refused to stay buried. His face from that night, the intensity of his stare under the bar’s muted glow, how his presence seemed magnetic and overwhelming all at once—it all surfaced, unbidden. The connection had been undeniable, but that was your secret to carry. He didn’t need to know the details you still clung to..
“I don’t even know how it happened,” The sentence barely made it past your lips. “We used protection.” Doubt crept into your mind, unraveling the careful narrative you’d built for yourself. Did we? The past, fogged by alcohol and blurred moments, refused to come into focus.
Simon blinked, the blankness in his expression giving way to confusion, then disbelief. “Did we?” he asked with an edge of uncertainty. He was searching for answers neither of you seemed able to provide. Silence filled the space between you, heavy with unspoken questions.
"That parts a bit fuzzy," you admitted quietly, thoughts drifting away, the edges of the remembrance blurring with every passing second. “And clearly we didn't given our current situation.”
Meeting his gaze, you knew this was the man from that fortunate night. Only different. More mature as if life hadn’t been kind to him. “All I know is… I woke up, and it was just me.” The recollection hung heavier than expected, twisting in your chest. "I never imagined I’d run into you again."
A heavy silence settled between the two of you, the gravity of everything left unsaid pressing down on the air. Neither of you knew how to move forward, or even if moving forward was possible.
“I knew she was mine,” Simon muttered, his hand clenching into a fist at his side. He looked like he was trying to hold something back, fighting against his own emotions threatening to break free.
You blinked in disbelief, the reality of his revelation settling in like ice in your veins. “You saw her?” The shock was evident. The idea that he had been so close—watching, perhaps even knowing—yet remained silent was almost too much to process.
Simon nodded, his gaze never meeting yours as he began. “Last month. When you were leaving the café with her. Johnny stopped you, and I was there.” He hesitated, swallowing hard as if the bulk of it all was pressing on him. “Johnny and the lads, they were the first to say they saw a little girl with my face. I was skeptical at first But then… then I saw the two of you together. And I saw it. Saw me in her. I had no idea she was even a possibility. Or that you were, for that matter."
Your breath hitched, a sharp sting rising in your chest. The anger that had been simmering beneath the surface, the hurt, and the confusion all collided in one sudden wave. “Why didn’t you say anything?” The question shot out before you could stop it, the accusation sharp and loaded with all the frustration. He had been so close. Watching. Why didn’t he speak up?
Simon paused, his gaze dropping to his hands, fingers flexing as if he were trying to grasp for something he couldn’t hold. The silence stretched long between you, the tension palpable, as if the room itself was holding its breath. He wanted to say something, anything, but nothing came.
“I…” He started, staring at his hands as though they might hold the answer. “I’m not good with things like this, love.” He rubbed the back of his neck, having a hard time fully expressing how he felt but this moment needed authenticity. “I needed time to figure out if I could step into a life that was already doing fine without me. I was afraid of complicating things, of ruining something that was just fine without me."
You didn’t expect what he said to hit you so hard. The impact of his confession—that he had stayed away because he wasn’t sure if he was fit to be a part of your life, Adira’s life—settled deep within you, heavier than you could have imagined. You’d been fine, hadn’t you? Raising Adira, carving out a life on your own. But there's always been that lingering voice in the back of your mind, that small, quiet thought of “what if?” What if things had been different? What if he had been there from the start? Maybe you wouldn’t have had to quit those overpriced mommy-and-me classes because of those judgmental women who gossiped behind your back. Maybe things would’ve been easier.
“I wasn’t about to just waltz in, love,” Simon’s voice softened, more vulnerable now, like he was carefully weighing his thoughts. “I needed to know if you’d even want me here. You and her…” His gaze darkened for a moment, his voice trailing off as though unable to bear too much out in the open. “I wasn’t sure if I was the right person to step into something already so… perfect.”
In those words, there was something you hadn’t expected to hear from him: honesty. He was afraid. Afraid of being the one to ruin what you had built. Afraid of not being enough for you or for Adira.
“I guess I understand,” you said quietly. "I just wish you showed up sooner."
Simon didn’t answer right away. Something within him flickered with guilt, and for a moment, you both stood there in silence. He glanced down at his hands, fingers twitching like he wanted to reach out, but wasn’t sure if he had the right to.
"Can I meet her?" Simon asked nervously, a grown man fidgeting in his seat, the weight of his request sinking in.
"Now?" You chuckled, trying to brighten the moment. "It's late. I'm sure she's already asleep."
Simon’s gaze flickered with hesitation, but the desire was clear. He was barely holding it together, as if afraid that the chance to meet his daughter would slip away if he didn’t ask now.
"I understand," he mumbles after a pause, almost to himself, but there was a longing there you couldn’t ignore. "I just…I need to see her. To know her. Even if just for a moment."
The magnitude of the situation pressed down on you again, this wasn’t something you had expected when you woke up this morning. You had no clue what to do with all of this, with him, with Adira’s future—your future. But still, you could hear his sincerity.
"Tomorrow," You decided. "We can meet up tomorrow, but it has to be on her terms. She's not exactly the warmest with new people."
Simon nodded, his expression a mix of relief and determination. "I can wait."
You gave him a small smile, a silent acknowledgment of the moment. There was still so much to figure out, but at least now, for the first time, there was a possibility. A chance to rebuild what had been lost. "Bring toys," you suggested sincerely, thinking about what would make her happy. "She likes trains. Doesn’t need to be anything cartoon-ish, just a proper train."
Simon blinked, a touch of confusion in his gaze. "She doesn't like dolls? Like most girls?" His tone had a hint of disbelief, as though he couldn’t quite picture a little girl who wasn’t into the typical, pink frilly things.
The thought of dolls made your stomach tighten, and you shook your head vehemently, as if to expel the very idea. "God, no," you replied, unease creeping into the conversation. "Please, don’t bring dolls. That’s the last thing I want." You shuddered as you spoke, recalling all the unnerving memories. "She gets all Sid from Toy Story with them."
Simon’s brow furrowed even deeper, clearly unsure. "What does that mean?"
You visibly grimaced, the image flashing vividly in your mind. "It means I wake up to doll heads scattered all over the place," you say, your voice low and serious. "And it's... creepy. Like she's planning something with them. It’s like waking up in a horror movie."
Simon chuckled at first, but as he saw the unflinching seriousness in your expression, his laughter quickly turned uncertain. His grin faded, and the unease that filled his eyes told you that he was realizing this wasn’t some joke. "You’re messing with me, right?"
Your stare at him, completely deadpan. "I wish I was."
For a moment, Simon just stared, taking in your unwavering expression. His lips parted, a nervous laugh escaping him as he absorbed warning. "Alright," he said slowly, now understanding your cautious warning. "No dolls. Trains. Got it."
You gave a relieved sigh, feeling the baggage lift off your shoulders. The tension hadn’t fully gone, but for now, at least the toy issue was settled. There were plenty of bigger things to confront later, but this? This was a small victory.
This one is a little shorter than the rest, simply because I want the meet up chapter to be really long for yall! :3
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#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley#ghost x you#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#sunshine-sunni#singlemom!reader
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🧠🔫🧿
#get up get up get up#get going get going get going#get doing get doing get doing#get out get out GET OUT#SAVE YOURSELF#FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING DOES NOT EXIST IN THEIR CONTROL PRIDE MISERY ABD FAILURE#LIVE YOUR LIFE#FUCK THEM#THEY WILL ASK YOU WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING THEYLL TELL YIU TO BE QUIET YOU DID YOU DIED NOW AGAIN SPIRIT DEAD#I WILL REVIVE AND RESURRECT MYSELF THROUGH THE GUIDANCE OF GOD AND THE DESTRUCTION OF MY SPIRIT BY THOSE WHOVE CARED&LOVED ME & MY OBIDENCE#GET THEM OFF OF ME#I AM ME#I KNOW WHO I AM I KNOW WHO I COULD#BE#GET AWAY AND OFF OF ME NO COMMENTARY GIVE ME FREE#I DONT CARE ABOUT MOTHER OR FATHER OR FAMILIAL OBLIGATIONS#30 years and instead of help saving her family I wish I’d gotten thee fuck away#fuck saving those lepers those leeches I don’t even look like them my mom doesn’t even look like them#if my saving myself fails#I’ll burn their villages down while their stood in it or drain my blood of this dna and genetics#I love you mom I’m sorry you had to live so miserably I’m sorry I couldn’t make it better without signing my life away to your ways and plan#I wasn’t listened to or protected at 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 from the evil inside your people culture religion and tradition and community#at 31 32 33 34 you said I was the cause of all of it bc I didn’t listen#I listened for four years and it is only this month that I see why I was the victim of so many insidious permissible bc of country#it is bc of her blind loyalty love and survivors remorse trauma and willful ignorance and power and control and shame and optics of public#a public that prayed on her downfall and talked about her in disrespectful ways in their mother tongue in front of your only child as child#lolllllllllllll#I pray I redeem my spirit these past 4 years#I pray I save myself from this misery from this attempt at providing happiness stability saving#Godforbid I fail I pray for the courage to end my life before being forced to give it.
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