#imagine your own sense of identity being so weak...

[torgawl]

the arguments homophobic people make against same sex couples raising kids makes literally zero sense considering they raise no problem to single parent families. the problem really isn't that there's an absent gender, because if it was they would chase and/or blame single parents and they don't.

[etherealkissed88]

stop seeing the 3d as something greater than you ☆

facts about the 3d

1. its forever a reflection of imagination/self, its a follower

you change self -> the 3d changes too because thats the law (thats how powerful you are). when you change yourself all the 3d can do is follow. it always expresses self. the 3d will always copy and follow self, it will always copy who you are being in imagination (your identity)

2. its forever neutral

the 3d has no original meaning bc you always assign everything meaning based on your state/perspectives

3. its forever changeable

since you are the operant power, you always have full control. the shit you see now is temporary. it always changes bc you are always changing states. dont feel discouraged when you havent seen any 3d change bc you know that it will change once you truly change self. nothing can possibly be permanent in the 3d so worrying about if "circumstances" will be there forever is useless. you have all the control at all times.

4. its forever an illusion, a lie

you experience the 3d via 5 senses which are limited asf. things you see might not be the things that are actually happening. i cant see gravity pulling me down, does that mean theres no gravity?

5. it does not have a mind of its own, its dead

how can the 3d think for itself if its only job is copying imagination? it is a limited version of imagination that is only a mirror. the 3d doesnt hate you, its not your enemy, you are assuming it is. you see how you always assume meaning because you have all the power? the 3d doesnt have that power. its dead means it has no original power. its nothing but presenting self like how a channel is presented on your tv (3d). it is indifferent, it doesnt mean anything, it is only a screen reflecting self.

6. the 3d follows, it never precedes

it cannot do anything without your decision, anything that happens is as a result of your state/your assumptions. it will always follow self (reflection of you). it cannot act out and give you what you dont want unless you change self. so it only follows you around. it has no control to take the first action because you are the first action.

the 3d is always below you because you are always in control of it as the operant power. you decide, you choose, you assume, you become, you embody, whatever word you like to use, you will always be above the 3d. everything is in your control always.

but the 3d never matters bc ur 3d could be an absolute mess but u can still manifest. why? bc its all about self! you can always change self and that, by law, changes the 3d. so the 3d only changes when YOU change. this is why we tell you to just focus on changing self!

i decide i am the version of me who has what i want in imagination (changing self) and its done. i know the 3d is nothing so if i see something i dont want: "its a lie" "its an illusion" whatever words you like, either way its neutral. i just gave it to myself so it rly is done.

"Life does not care whether you call yourself rich or poor; strong or weak. It will eternally reward you with that which you claim as true of yourself." - neville g

the 3d doesnt care about anything except what you assume yourself to be / your state (SELF) bc that is what it copies.

even when you think youre powerless, youre still being powerful…

*you will always be greater than the 3d because you are forever the operant power. it doesnt matter if you think or assume you arent be you always are. if you assume the 3d is more powerful, the 3d will reflect that, BECAUSE you as the OPERANT POWER decided that. so even if things seem bad, you have all the power at every moment and what you see is just the 3d presenting self. it SEEMS like ur not in power but since you continue assuming that, ofc that will reflect which proves you are always the operant power even w a shitty 3d.

the 3d is rly nothing bc the 3d changes under my power every time. once you understand that you are the operant power, everything else turns small. the 3d isnt the big bad wolf. its simply a reflection of you! do not view a REFLECTION of you as greater than YOU.

kisses, jani ☆

[settingmyheartablaze]

I'm so sorry that I love you.

gojo satoru x civilian!reader

authors note: this was a little something silly I cooked up that I imagined a potential part two for, but let me know what you think >:)

taglist: @milkm4nz @caelestismoondust @hunbuncinnabun @taeoxox @tachibannaa

content warnings: mentions of death, angst, shibuya arc, contains s2 spoilers

***

Satoru Gojo was the strongest. 

It was the only identity he knew for himself — no, the only one he was allowed. Since he took his first breath of the world’s cursed air, from the very moment his eyes hit the light, it was decided. He would be the world’s savior. Not because they knew it was even possible, or that he could ever bear that kind of burden, but because they needed one - desperately.

And maybe he had nurtured himself on that foolish title because if he had accepted a reality for even a brief moment where he could at the mercy of this cruel world, he was sure it would break him. He had been running from that feeling ever since he saw his best friend’s back turn and disappear into the shadows. He thought he knew what it was to feel helpless that day — to be afraid. 

And then, amidst all the screams of utter panic, he heard yours.

No, he didn’t even need to hear it. He could feel you, he always could. It had been one of the only parts of his eyes he considered to be a gift. Ever since he had met you, sensing your soul nearby was one of his only comforts. He thought he would never see the day when he didn’t want you right where his eyes could reach you. 

No.

You weren’t supposed to be here. The panic exploding in his chest nearly caused his heart to stop.

For what felt like the first time in his life, he understood was it was to be truly, utterly, and completely terrified. 

He had seen you just hours ago. You were fidgeting around in that costume that took his breath away by the mirror, giggling as you tried to pry yourself from his arms. 

“Satoru, I have to go!” You flushed, the smile on your face giving away how little you actually minded his resistance. He squeezed you even tighter, pulling you into him from behind as he pressed a trail of kisses down your neck. 

“Now how am I supposed to let you go when you look this good?” He practically purred in your ear. 

“You could always come with me.” You mused, turning around in his grasp to thread your fingers through his hair. It always made his knees go weak. He sighed, placing a kiss to your forehead before pressing his own against it. 

“You go ahead, it’s supposed to be a girl’s night. Besides, I told the kids I would take them around for a bit — Itadori’s hellbent on going to a haunted house.” He chuckled. 

You smiled at the mention of them, nodding in understanding. 

“I won’t be out long, maybe I can meet up with you all after. I’d kill to see how Megumi would react,” You giggled, finally pulling back from his arms that reluctantly loosened. 

He had grabbed your purse off the counter, sliding it onto your shoulder. It never failed to give him butterflies how even the smallest touch from him made your cheeks bloom like roses. His hand trailed back down your arm until it reached your own, grasping it. He met your eyes, his voice now a bit softer. *

It did that when he was feeling vulnerable. You never failed to notice it.

“Be safe, okay?” 

It was no more than a whisper, but you smiled warmly in reply, squeezing the hand that held your own a bit tighter than usual.

“I always am.” 

He knew you meant it. It was one of the things he appreciated most about you. With you being a civilian, it felt like a part of him was always on edge when you were away. He wasn’t even sure when it happened, but somewhere along the lines he noticed the breath he would hold until he heard your keys rattling the doorknob. You had become well aware of your importance in his life over the years, and always tried to do what you could to ease his mind. You couldn’t imagine what his job put him through, so you had always tried your best to be someone he felt he didn’t have to carry. (No matter how many times he insisted you were the only one he felt was worth the burden.)

“Now go on, get out before I change my mind.” He joked, ushering you to the door. “I really am the world’s greatest boyfriend, letting my girl go out looking this good.” He grumbled, as if he had been suddenly questioning his decision. 

You turned back to face him one last time, flashing him that damn smile that always made his heart stop. 

“I love you too.” You said, rolling your eyes in amusement. 

Despite his antics, you knew him better than anyone — more particularly, how he had always used jokes to stifle his feelings. He had never been the best at verbalizing what he was really feeling, especially after everything he had lost. It felt like a curse to utter words of devotion — like the second he had marked someone as precious to him, they would be ripped from him before he could blink. Because of this, you never pressured him to say the words he so desperately meant but always hid behind his lips. You didn’t need to hear him to say it, and he didn’t think there was a single thing he had done in his life to deserve that - to deserve you. 

Now, watching you come crashing though the ceiling of that train station, he had never been more disgusted with himself. 

I should have said it. I should have said it a thousand more times. It felt like the only words he knew anymore when he saw your terrified face plummeting towards the pile of cursed corpses.

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you.

How may times must you have called him once you realized the situation you were in? You were smart, too smart for your own good. He knew you must have put things together quickly — you always did. How long had you been trapped in this hell, terrified, left with nothing to do but pray he would show up? 

No, you wouldn’t have even wished for that, and he cursed himself for it. You would have wanted him as far away as possible when you heard the people demanding his arrival. You must have known it was a trap. 

He had never been more furious with himself. He should have gone with you. No, he never should have let you walk out that door. You should have been at home, with him, curled around his frame and littered with shitty candy wrappers as the even shittier halloween specials cast a glow on your sleeping face.

To be the honored one is a blessing. To be loved by them, is a curse.

This is the price of the six eyes, but why did you have to pay it? 

I’m so sorry that I love you. 

[shadow-the-crow]

The Distortion didn’t like Michael as a who.

I mean, it says itself that it doesn’t want to be Michael. But the who and what thing actually brings us farther than that. It shows us his whole arc.

We all know the quote "i am not a who, archivist, i am a what." When i first heard it, i thought: Makes sense, it’s an inhuman creature, not a person, it just can’t have enough identity to be a who. Like it says itself.

But in Michael’s statement, it talks about having your who torn from your what, and replaced with another who. So it actually did have a who before becoming Michael. And it even admits that Michael also was a who, a who that became part of its being.

I think… it could just never accept being Michael. As it said, Michael Shelley was a constant reminder of its failure – the embodiment of it. The Distortion was forced to become the embodiment of its failure. To think with its mind. Of course it could never accept that. Imagine how horrible that must be – despising your own mind. (I think some people can relate to that, actually. I’m sorry if you can. I can.)

So it tried to disassociate itself completely from being Michael. To pretend it was only a what. I mean, we see that it’s comfortable with it/its pronouns as Michael, but not as Helen. As Michael, it embraced its inhumanity – not because it wasn’t comfortable with being a person in general, but with being that specific person it was forced to become. A person whose mind wasn’t made for the Spiral. Its failure incarnate.

But just before the Distortion in its Michael form dies, he ends his statement with "that is who i am". WHO. (thanks @totheidiot for pointing that out to me ^^) Michael finally got to talk about everything he had to endure. For the first time, he said the cruel truths out loud: How much it always hated being Michael Shelley. He told Jon everything, which also forced him to face the truth himself. And i think facing it finally allowed him to accept it. Accepting how shitty something is is the first step towards learning to live with it and maybe even learning not to hate it.

He could finally accept his mind. His who. Every part of himself.

And not even two minutes later, he died.

(Of course, the Distortion itself didn’t die. But its current state of existence died. It finally accepted its who, only to get it painfully torn from its what again.)

Because he got too lost in his who. Talking to Jon allowed him to be more human. But the cruel world he lived in doesn't reward humanity. It exploits the weakness that comes with it.

[mimble-sparklepudding]

A Little OC Ask List of Difficult to Describe Emotions.

Some emotions are difficult to explain clearly. Perhaps your OC has experienced one of these? Can they remember a specific example? If they haven't then can they imagine what it might be like to experience?

Sonder: The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it.

Opia: The ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.

Kenopsia: The eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that's usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet.

Monachopsis: The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.

Jouska: A hypothetical conversation you compulsively play out in your head.

Altschmerz: Weariness with the same old issues that you've always had - the same flaws and weaknesses that you've been gnawing on continuously for years.

Greng Jai: A feeling of unwillingess to accept help from someone, out of concern for the trouble it might cause them.

Liberosis: The desire to care less about things than one does.

Dolce Far Niente: A feeling of pleasure from doing absolutely nothing.

Mauerbauertraurigkeit: The inexplicable urge to push other people away, even close friends, lovers or those that you trust.

Enouement: The bittersweetness of having arrived in what was once the future, seeing how things turned out, but being unable to tell (or warn) your past self.

Kuebiko: A state of exhaustion inspired by exposure to acts of senseless violence.

Exulansis: The urge to give up trying to talk about an experience, because other people are unable to relate to it.

Adronitis: Frustration with how long it takes to get to know another person.

Attriage: The state of having lost all control over how you feel about someone.

Wildred: The feeling of haunting solitude in extremely remote places.

Mudita: A feeling of joy at another person's good fortune.

Aulasy: The sadness that there’s no way to convey a powerful memory to people who weren’t there at the time.

Ioia: The wish that you could see statistics overlaid on every person you encounter, perhaps to check the strength of their compatibility, measure their trustworthiness, or even just know for certain how they’re really feeling.

Yeorie: A certain scent that has the power to sweep you back into memories of childhood.

Thrapt: Being awed at the impact someone has had on your life, feeling intimidated by how profoundly they helped shape your identity.

Dolonia: A state of unease prompted by people who seem to like you too much, which makes you wonder if they must have you confused with someone else — and feeling vaguely disappointed that they’re unwilling to spend the time it takes getting to know the real you.

Antiophobia: A fear experienced while leaving a loved one, wondering if this will turn out to be the last time you’ll ever see them, and whatever good-bye you tossed their way might have to serve as your final farewell.

Harmonoia: An itchy sense of dread when life feels just a hint too peaceful.

Dolorifuge: Something which brings about a feeling which banishes or mitigates grief.

Compunctious: Feeling remorse or regret, but wishing to avoid actually apologising.

Callosity: A lack of feeling or capacity for emotion.

Mimeomia: The frustration of knowing how easily you fit into a stereotype, even if you never intended to do so.

Pronoia: A strange, creeping feeling that everyone’s out to help you...

Awumbuk: A feeling of emptiness or heaviness after someone else departs.

[ihateliterature]

I'm not gonna let radfems convince me that trans femmes are my enemy, they are not. No subsection of trans people are my enemy. There's no men v. women rivalry going on except for the one terfs made to make us eat each other and you all fell for it like fucking idiots because so many of you would rather try to adhere to stupid binarist cliches to validate your own identity than see anything from someone else's perspective. For a group of "progressives" so many of you are wearing horse glasses

Yeah, I know that sometimes on the internet the assholes can seem really loud, but this is the internet, that's what it does. In the real world my relationship with trans femmes was informed much more by our shared experience as trans individuals rather than the difference of men/women

So, in case anyone needs to hear this, no, most trans femmes don't want you dead, they also:

Don't think that you are privileged for being afab not only because they are not assholes, but also because most realize that the end point of that idea is that they are more privileged for being amab and that makes just as little sense

Don't think that you are ungrateful or selfish for choosing permanent contraception and don't project their dysphoria around their inability to carry a child on you

Don't think that you being a man is choosing to be evil and betraying women and feminism

Don't think that your struggles, experience or oppression are inferior to their own and have more compassion than hatred for them

Are aware that you are not and will never be as privileged as a cis man of the same background

And any of the other stupid ideas peddled around

Honestly I don't know what is being said on the trans femme side but I imagine is just as ridiculous. None of this shit is true. There are more things that unite us than the ones that divide us. Radfems fucking convinced us that our fellow trans people, that our own siblings are our enemy and so many of you (on all sides btw) chose to side with the people that want us dead than with people of the "wrong" gender. Fuck all of you. These might be my monkeys, but I'm definitely not joining the circus. I'll say it once:

All trans people are my family

I'm an ally to all trans people

My connection to my community and my love for it is much more important than the theory some stuck up cis women made

No gender or anatomy is inherently malicious or weak

I don't talk on anyone else's experiences and I listen to people when they talk about their own

That's it. Back to your regular doom scrolling

[stardustdiiving]

I would love to hear more about your thoughts regarding Wanderer being trans whenever you find the time to write about it more!

(follow up to this post)

AWESOME. okay. So. This got super long and I keep nitpicking if it clearly says every single thought that goes through my head or not so I’m just going to post it

There’s many interpretations about this headcanon I enjoy, but one particular angle I would find interesting to explore that I’ll pitch here is basically centered on a characterization where Wanderer’s internal relationship with his own transness is very tied with his non-humanness, maybe even more so than his gender.

The appeal of this angle for me is essentially having a character’s queerness tie into genshin’s overarching themes about identity & personhood, especially in regards to the relationship between divinity & humanity—themes that obviously apply to Scaramouche (and also basically every other not human genshin character I can think of that people generally agree are engaging characters)

Scaramouche (which name I use for him is intentional & reflects what era of his life I’m talking about) to me is someone who basically enforces a sense of apathy over his own emotions, especially ones relating to his sense of identity—he seeks godhood in hopes of being able to purge himself clean of experiencing (human) emotions, and therefore the vulnerability & trauma he associates with having them.

Intuitively I can see him feeling a similar conscious apathy about his gender: I see him as viewing gender identity as a “too human” trait and therefore something he’s above, basically—which is really a deeper deflection of his own insecurities with his personhood/identity.

So to Scaramouche, internally, anything about his transition or transness is less about gender and actually far more about his desire to obtain godhood, and this is a mental narrative he really sticks to because it fits in comfortably with his hatred of humans and desire for a purpose/identity for his existence as a non human entity “without a heart”.

If this were a fic I were writing, Scaramouche would undergo a lot of physical/medical transitioning during his time as a Harbringer and he would essentially be narrating & viewing anything gender affirming thing he does as him becoming closer to godhood and further from being human. This would contrast how I’d portray Kabukimono earlier on in his arc—where I imagine Kabukimono took on a lot of social transitions based on observing humans and building a sense for what human things he liked to participate in or mimic.

Kabukimono, in a manner similar to Scaramouche, might sometimes categorize some of his transness as relating to being more of a puppet/nonhuman origin thing than a gender thing, (ie getting gender dysphoria from having long hair but rationalizing it has more to do with not wanting to look like Ei), Kabukimono was more in a position of building towards his transness being a positive thing that affirmed him his sense of personhood & sense of belonging with others. By the time Scaramouche reaches the point of resenting humans, and in turn resenting his own sense of humanity in his arc, he needs to establish all parts of his identity as the farthest thing from human as possible

The irony, however, that I’d highlight in the hypothetical fic of this, is that Scaramouche’s experiences with his transness are narrated as being things no one could ever understand because of how inhuman he is—while in practice you see a lot of his trans experiences are actually pretty common ones many trans people would understand.

So like, Dottore does his canon typical physical experiments/modifications on Scaramouche, and the entire time Scara is undergoing but also gloating the entire time how he’s able to endure this because he’s not as weak as humans are���and this continues when, at Scara’s request, Dottore gives him Evil Mad Scientist Top Surgery, and he’s having this snide internal monologue about how godlike he is because of all the inhuman ways he can physically modify and mold his body to be to his liking, and then suddenly he looks in a mirror and sees himself with a flat chest for the first time and just has… like, a moment of very genuine happiness with feeling more like himself for the first time, and processing all the ways he can exist more comfortably in his body without having to work around dysphoria constantly. He imagines himself existing among humans in these brief thoughts without even realizing it, and the idea is this is written in a way that makes him sound very human—and how he seems happier when he lets himself be.

Meanwhile Dottore in the background is just, very nonchalant about this and makes some bored comment about they ought to not delay more important procedures any further if he wants to ascend to godhood anytime soon. Scaramouche kind of snaps out of it & back into his usual sort of headspace/mindset and kind of sneers at him how this was a far more significant step in ascending to godhood than Dottore could ever understand.

And after he says this he mentally pauses, because he really hadn’t been thinking of it like that before—and then wonders if it was true, because it wasn’t an experiment that made him feel more powerful like the other ones had. What he feels now is something other than more powerful—but there’s not really any other explanation for this reaction. More godly, maybe. It makes him feel not more powerful, but closer to what he wants—which is a god.

So from there my idea is Scaramouche kind of…attributes the joy associated with his top surgery, and other similar major landmarks in his transition, with his pursuit of godhood. It spurs him on to want to be a god even more, because it's solidified in his mind as the one thing he really needs to be himself/truly happy

And then he does finally reach godhood—and is plugged into the Everlasting Lord of Arcane Wisdom’s body, he’s just finds himself feeling disappointed.

He has this minor mental crisis about it where he’s not unsatisfied—he’s more exhilarated than he has ever felt in his entire life, because he feels unspeakably powerful in the way he should be. It /is/ everything he wanted, and he savors the sheer triumph and power of the movement, but it’s just not the same. It’s not enough to make him regret what it took to get here but he’s really frustrated, because he doesn’t feel happy. Which is not an emotion Scaramouche really cares about, but even one thing he wants being somewhat out of his reach when he had hoped to suppress all the unpleasantness of having emotions is deeply unpleasant for him.

I think the next time Scaramouche really feels something close to what he’d been missing is post Inversion of Genesis, after he becomes the Wanderer.

In this narrative I think it would be an extra kick in the face that Dottore had helped him with part of his transition while Scaramouche watches Dottore kill Niwa, where Dottore basically affirms Scara’s dehumanization while Niwa insists on affirming his humanity with his dying breath. There’s the obvious violation violation of realizing someone basically sabotaged your support systems to isolate/alienate you from the world, then manipulated and groomed you into joining the fatui so they could experiment on you for their own satisfaction and intrigue, but he also finds himself grappling with recontextualizing alot of his interactions with Dottore, and coming to this conclusion that Dottore was only ever vaguely interested in Scaramouche’s potential for godhood, and doesn’t care about…this other part of why that was important to Scaramouche as a person. (Which is his transness, basically)

It’s not that he ever believed Dottore cared about him or wasn’t pursuing his own interests, but I think recontextualizing how dehumanizing Dottore’s treatment + view of him is, forces him to really pick apart his transness vs desire for godhood, and realize there’s sort of a distinction between the two he hadn’t been making.

Post IoG I think this line of thinking, along with learning Niwa hadn’t betrayed him making him hate humans much less, lets Wanderer start developing a much healthier relationship with his transness, and also just his entire identity in general. He can reconcile with his own humanity, which lets him reflect on himself more, and I think eventually he can come to an answer on why becoming god wasn’t what he needed to be happy with himself + his gender.

So essentially I’d write present day Wanderer as being more comfortable with his gender than Scaramouche would be. If I were to apply our contemporary English labels/language to his gender I think he’d more or less jsut view himself as a trans guy, but I guess by technicality has a sort of “non binary” gender bc he just doesn’t view himself in terms of human binaries due to being a puppet?? That’s just my own characterization tho. All in all I bend characterizations of characters’ queerness in line with what whatever sort of transformative work I feel like doing so this isn’t even the only way I’d write trans Wanderer. Just usually the one I go off the most when portraying him as a character

[sscarletvenus]

i see you did a genderbend fic, thoughts on how fem!goo would look? :3 headcanons?

omg hello anon!! and thank you for the question!!

THREE FEM!GOO HEADCANONS, FROM YOURS TRULY:

. appearance- kinda imagine her looking very much like kim hieora...sharp facial features, bloodless skin, dark undereye circles, pin straight hair, tall and lean... like ethereal, but in a truly unsettling way. something inhumane and cruel and alien but she's so gorgeous that you cannot comprehend properly the intensity of her being all of those things!!!

. i think she would still be the kind of general moral vagabond as in canon. blood and blood and replay. she's very insatiable and intense at all times. she loves chaos, horror, and being the cause of that turbulent terror. gloats over it. is nourished by it.

. she has NO instinct for nurture whatsoever. her moral compass is a roulette wheel. she doesn't have exaggerated, hypocritical ideals like Gun does. she just needs something to kill, endless, itchy waiting for her prey to deliver itself to her open mouth and bared teeth. SHE doesn't enjoy hunting. Gun does. She likes her prey willing, because that is how and when they taste the sweetest...

. as a teenager she's terrifyingly self-possessed and intense. is it a facade for her weakness? can weapon ever be weak? should the one who wields the weapon deserve to kill if they're weak? the sword is the vessel for her brutality as well as her defence against annihilation...

. another aspect to be pondered over is the role her assigned sex at birth or gender identity and expression would play in her portrayal as a character. Goo is someone who has, always, loved and lusted over money and power. both her and Gun are children weaned on poison who take comfort and pleasure in extreme violence and sadism. BUT. BUT. But it's not the same, never the same.

. what happens when your best friend betrays you long before YOU betray him, simply by being a man, just because he has, inherently, without even trying, by birthright, everything YOU wished to be? what do you do when he is the one with the natural, omnipotent power that you so ardently hunger for, and you are nothing but a weapon, a toy, a wild animal to poke and prod? familiarity breeds contempt.

. Goo is someone that hates being underestimated and undervalued. AND THIS is where i think her irreconcilable fragmentation from Gun and Charles and Tom begins.

. She surrounds herself with incredibly strong and equally morally corrupt men (secret friends) to vicariously live through them her own fantasies of enacting unbridled slaughter just for the sake of her own pleasure, her desires that would otherwise be looked upon with unforgivable contempt by a society diseased with patriarchy...

. i would love to go into her experiencing disillusionment under Charles... stowing her beliefs in a fallible God, worshipping said God with blood and until he ends up demanding her own... would a believer betray the deity? if she loses her identity, what is the basis of her existence, then?

. some style analysis- I feel like she would EAT in these vintage corporate high fashion pieces from jacques fath/ralph lauren/christian dior

. lmao I feel like I rambled without making much sense but I would love to explore fem goo more and thanks to you anon!!! HAVE AN INCREDIBLE DAY ILY

edit. THIS IS MORE THAN THREE BUT I YAP TOO MUCH AND CANNOT COUNT SO FORGIVE ME!!!

[vegasolari]

V2 is an Ultrakill character and I have many feelings about them: here's why

I think we can all agree that Ultrakill didn’t exactly explore V2 as a character much. Sure, we have some basic information about them, but we’re pretty much left to fill in the blanks ourselves. And, oh boy, are there a lot of blanks. Well, here’s my ridiculous essay filling in those blanks for myself in a way that (hopefully) makes sense in the scope of Ultrakill canon. TL;DR: here are my V2 headcanons because I’m insane.

During my first playthrough of Ultrakill, I didn't think much about V2. They seemed like the classic “evil twin” and not much more, testing your skills as a player in a unique way. I’m the good guy and I have to beat up the evil version of me, y’know? But, as I got more into the lore of Ultrakill, I couldn’t stop thinking about V2.

V1 was built with a clear purpose in mind: war. I’m certain anyone can agree with that. But, when the whole war business fell apart with the New Peace, V1 quickly became obsolete. If whatever entity developing V1 wanted any chance of recouping the cash dumped into V1, they had to pivot. But we have this great war robot just lying around! Alright, how about this: we’ll make a new version of this robot with decreased combat capabilities, but increased human interfacing capabilities. So, a new model was made. It was very similar to the previous one, switching out the fancy plating for regular tough stuff, plus installing some friendlier software. Despite the rush job, it was a pretty damn good android. But, with all that high-end tech came a big price tag that the market deemed unreasonable.

Now, this leads to an interesting idea: if V2 is sentient (observing their behavior in-game, they likely are), how would that make them feel? Certainly, they would know that they were essentially the living embodiment of a hollow gesture; being nothing more than an attempt to recuperate funds, being a commercial failure, being what most would consider a weak imitation of their predecessor. I wouldn’t be surprised if V2 went after V1 based on sheer jealousy alone. Their creation was underdeveloped and sloppily done. V2 wasn’t wanted for whatever skillset a highly advanced security bot could offer. V2 wasn't wanted… V1 was. The second iteration is supposed to be better than the first, and V2's existence is defined by being a cheap copy.

Regardless, V2 is here and they can still serve some function. While V1 and V2's hardware may be nearly identical, I have to imagine their software is very different. Remember, V1 was made for war. Their software is probably highly specialized for efficient killing. In terms of a highly advanced society dependent on specialized androids filled with precision AI, that must be pretty simple. Just boot up good old “shooty_mcshooting.exe” and we’ve got ourselves an AI that can quickly identify a target and attack its weak points. V2, on the other hand, was made for peacetime efforts. Sure, security was kept in mind during their development, but overall they were made for human cooperation. A peacetime machine would certainly have been developed with a natural affinity toward humanity, right? This leads me to believe that V2 was made with an innate affinity toward humans. Hell, maybe they were programmed with a desire to socialize that matched the strength of our own innate socialization needs. It would certainly make their job much easier.

Despite this, I feel they still had to do some warming up to humans. After all, humanity did them quite a disservice. Whether they made peace with the circumstances surrounding their creation and loved humans despite it or simply ignored the troubled emotions surrounding their creation, I’m not certain. Regardless, their core programming spurred them on. V2 learned to cooperate with humans, with their reward system to guide them. Eventually, their reward system must have led them to feel something that could be best described as affection towards humans, forever being driven to be curious and friendly towards humanity. I love imagining them joking around and laughing with their coworkers on whatever security job they were assigned to. Maybe they'd even have fun chatting up the scientists working on their development, learning more and more about how humans interacted and communicated with one another.

Speaking of which… what if V2’s job expanded past security? Say a building were to collapse with people trapped inside; what better tool than an extremely durable, strong, highly intelligent robot to dig through the rubble, locate survivors quicker with specialized software, and even administer first aid?

Just as V2 adored humans, one must imagine V2 being adored by humans.

As V2’s software spurred them on to learn more and more about humans, they would come to appreciate the things humans appreciated. Perhaps V2 came to appreciate the beauty of art or the marvel of science in the same way humans did, or perhaps they simply liked these things because they were human. Imagine V2 learning everything they could about cooking despite never needing those skills, just to be able to bond with humans. They’d even surprise the scientists developing them with delicious treats that V2 themself could never eat, all to fulfill their role as a friend to humanity.

Humanity's extinction must have been devastating for V2.

I imagine after humanity died, V2 simply tried to make do with what they had. In my mind, it’d make sense that they'd try to avoid using blood from animals at all costs (humans loved animals, after all). Instead, they'd take fuel from other machines. That fuel was already taken from its rightful owner, and there's nothing that can be done about it now. May as well put it to good use, right? Considering V2’s love for humanity (and by extension, all living creatures), they must have come to loathe their fellow machines. Machines sustain themselves off of harming humans and other living creatures, after all. Of course, there is the irony of V2 being just like every other machine, reliant on blood to survive.. I'll try not to get sidetracked with that one though -

I lied. I'm getting sidetracked.

V2's love of humans combined with their reliance on their blood as fuel would have been difficult for them to accept at best, and devastating at worst. I was going to put a comparison here but it made me genuinely sad, which goes to show how this likely made V2 feel. Sure, taking blood from humans doesn't necessarily require violence, considering blood donations exist, but it still couldn’t have felt great. Besides, it seems very possible that not all machines were interested in taking that fuel peacefully.

During their time in Hell, seeing their fellow machines happily and greedily tear through husks in Hell (which, I'd like to point out, are human souls) must have enraged V2. Considering their love for humans, I can't imagine them using husks as fuel. Instead, it would make sense for them to kill machines only. In fact, V2's terminal entry explicitly mentions killing machines (...V2 dove deeper into Hell, killing other machines for their blood to help its recovery…) but doesn't say anything about killing husks. I will note that the Ultrakill Fandom Wiki entry for V2 does allude to them killing husks, but there wasn't a source so I'm disregarding it (yes I am so Ultrakill brain-rotted that I am asking for sources on Ultrakill lore).

This leads to a stark contrast between V1 and V2, despite seeming so similar on the surface. V1 was made with the sole purpose of killing, and I do not doubt that humans were well within their scope. V1 is an especially efficient killing machine, with their rampage in Hell enough to draw the attention of Heaven. We know V2 tried to fight V1. What if the reasons for stopping V1 went beyond preserving fuel resources or getting revenge? V2 wanted to save the remnants of humankind. V2 didn't fight for themself; they fought for humanity.

Despite this, one could indeed make a very reasonable argument that V1 is doing the denizens of Hell a favor. Ceasing to exist does sound much more appealing than eternal torture. But, seeing as it's implied V2 has only been in Hell for a few hours, it's likely that they just haven't thought about this. Think of it this way: they've just rediscovered the one thing that gave them purpose... it's unlikely they'd be willing to let that go easily. Or perhaps V2 did think about this. Maybe V2 wanted to build a better life for the people of Hell. We know they made it to Greed, so they almost certainly heard of Minos' and Sisyphus' attempts to rebel against Heaven. I think it's likely that V2 wanted to follow in their footsteps; they wanted to build a haven for humanity.

But unfortunately, we all know how their story ends.

V2's existence was one defined by failure. V2's life was one riddled with "what ifs?" and "could have beens." An overwhelming theme of Ultrakill is tragedy, and I'd argue that this take on V2 is just about as tragic as one can get.

Also V2 isn't dead because they live on in my heart and I will not accept any attempts at convincing me otherwise.

[kiragecko]

What if the reason Tim seems to like Jason is that Jason acknowledges Tim was better at Robin then Jason? Being the second best Robin matters to his pride.

Okay, I have to work through a few things before I respond directly.

-

So, everything related to canon resurrected Jason is a problem. Including how canon Tim interacts with him.

There are very few signs that preboot Tim likes or respects Jason after his resurrection. Which is WEIRD. Especially HOW Tim disrespects Jason.

Like, Tim doesn't get the rest of the Titans to watch, walk back to someone, and kick them in the crotch. That ... isn't his form of petty? He doesn't LIKE having an audience! And one of his most unique Robin traits is the respect he shows unstable villains and allies! Like, the way he shut down Jason's 'tenderize the teen gangs' plan is ... wrong. He would be MUCH more likely to seem to go along with it and then slip handcuffs on Jason once he relaxes. Or turn him into a temporary ally against Ulysses.

Tim is consistently out-of-character when dealing with resurrected Jason, and I haven't figured out a Watsonian explanation that works for me. Until I do, I'm forced to rewrite most of canon - the events happened, but MY Tim responded differently.

-

Canon Jason's reactions to Tim make a bit more sense. Jason seems to like and respect Tim. He tries to work with him. He left Titan's Tower impressed and wishing he'd had the same supports. (Though his understanding of what supports each of them had is baffling enough that I suspect some amount of amnesia.) I'm not sure he ever says he thinks Tim is a BETTER Robin, but I can see that being possible.

-

So, your supposition is possible for canon Jason. It seems very unlikely for canon Tim, but canon Tim's actions are even more unlikely, so that doesn't mean much. Our final problem comes with squaring this idea with my FANON Tim.

My fanon Tim draws as much from canon as it can, while still being consistent. And it draws MOST heavily on Tim's early arcs. In those early arcs, Tim was attempting to build Robin out of what he imagined Jason and Dick would want. He dreamed about them, hallucinated them, asked the Case for advice. Jason seemed incredibly important to him, on a similar scale to Dick.

That steadily disappears over the years, and becomes really hard to integrate with later Tim. (The authours' victim-blaming anti-Jason agendas are at fault, but that doesn't work as an in-world explanation.) But I'm keeping it anyways, even if it makes everything harder!

See, everything I've seen from Tim in other contexts suggests that Jason's behaviour wouldn't actually have any bearing on whether or not Tim likes him. Tim is perfectly comfortable idolizing someone who neglects or takes advantage of him. That's kind of central to his character - he's the Robin who sees Bruce's flaws and follows him anyways. Who saw an out-of-control 30-something and decided to parent him. Who rants about his parents' neglect without ever considering he might not owe them everything.

Jason earned Tim's loyalty when he was 13, and Tim doesn't stop being loyal, as far as I can tell.

Jason and Tim should be like Harvey Dent and Bruce. Tim doesn't TRUST him, but he desperately wants to help him.

Not necessarily like the fandom tends to write: "Oh, I'll stop being Robin and do anything possible to get you back into the family because I'm valueless!"

More like deescalation in a hostage situation. More like how Tim talks Poison Ivy down. Vulnerability only as a weapon. Always ready to knock him out and disarm him if he gets the chance.

-

There's also some issues with insecurity. My weak spots are similar but not identical to Tim's. There are areas where he's self-confident that I don't quite get. His pride about being Robin is one area of ambiguity. I think he's been written mostly consistently, but my own issues are getting in the way.

So I'm not entirely sure exactly which ways JASON validating Tim as Robin would be important. I know it would be! But there are some ways where Tim wouldn't believe other people, some where he is entirely reliant on other people ... just, his mixture of self-confident and insecurity is fractal and complex.

-

In conclusion, I think it would make Tim feel REALLY good to think that Jason thought Tim was a better Robin. I don't think it would have much affect on his opinions about Jason, though. Those got locked in the first time Tim saw Jason rescue someone, and Tim couldn't change them if he wanted.

Also, canon preboot Tim DIDN'T seem to like Jason, and I want to ignore that but it's hard.

(Also also, how I write about Tim and Jason sometimes contradicts what I think canon says AND my personal fanon. It's COMPLICATED!)

[bigsoftmarshmallow]

Okay, this is one for the trial ask. Ya know, the one where Hyrule's judge decided that their best chance at stopping this bs was for him to experience the consequences of his actions?

Anyway, I loved that, but I was really looking for theor reactions.

I would loooove to read their reactions to Hyrule's initial sentence followed by their thoughts & feelings throughout. Like, I'm looking for how they feel about it. Especially in the case of TP, as it'd be here that he'd learn that, rather than having been tortured & slaughtered by Hyrule as he'd been believed. Only his ardent followers were thus & every other Gerudo was banished from Hyrule.

Now, I'm of the opinion that they aren't necessarily thriving, but they are certainly doing better socially with other tribes such as the Zuna in the Desert of Doubt. There's definitely struggle, but there doesn't seem to be any hard feelings towards Hyrule.

I'd also like to see TotK's reaction to the Gerudo of the Wild Era 7 how they're actually doing well as well as maintaining their own cultural identity & aren't subjugated by Hyrule in any way. More so an ally nation in an alliance. Yes, Hyrule acts as the head of which, but they also have every right to back out if they wish just like any of the other tribes.

Like, yes, there's the occasional perv, but in-general, the Gerudo are respected.

But, keep in mind that the Gerudo of TotK seem to very specifically feel responsible for him & even feel ashamed of him. Like, it's always the Gerudo who ever bring up their ties to Ganondorf as a point of shame in TotK. No one else. Suggesting that this feeling of shame is very personal & a matter of honor to them. Something that they wish to make right, not just with the other races, but also with themselves.

And, I can imagine that TotK will have to work really hard because of the sheer gravity of the attack he levied against the Gerudo themselves.

I already told you about how the attack on Gerudo Town would be perceived & that's from an outsider's perspective. Now, he has to stand face to face with them too.

I just really wanna see all the Dorfs process this information & come to terms with just how badly he fucked his own people over.

Like, mentally & emotionally.

Ooo, very nice. I liked reading this one and imagining it. The path to redemption is a long and jagged one, one that is hard to traverse, but I believe everyone can make it. Everyone can make the choice to be good and better. Everyone can be good if they just try (OK Papyrus calm down lol)

Once again I try to do Ganondorfs only, but Chat is in love with Demise and added him. It's nonsensical, seeing as he AINT EVEN GERUDO, but alas, Chat doesn't listen to me in this matter. So Demon King is forced through the redemption arc as well.

************************************************************************

The Initial Sentence and Reactions:

Hyrule's Judge: "Ganondorf, you are hereby sentenced to experience firsthand the consequences of your actions upon the Gerudo people. You will live among them, face their hardships, and understand the pain you have caused. Only then can you hope to seek redemption."

Wind Waker Ganondorf

Initial Reaction:

Shock and Anger: Wind Waker Ganondorf would be visibly taken aback, his eyes narrowing in fury. The notion of being forced to live among the people he sees as tools for his ambitions is an insult to his pride.

Inner Conflict: Despite his anger, a small part of him would be curious about the true state of his people.

Thoughts & Feelings Throughout:

First Encounter: Upon seeing the Gerudo struggle, he initially dismisses their hardships as a consequence of their own weakness.

Growing Realization: Over time, witnessing their resilience and sense of community despite the difficulties, he begins to see them not just as pawns but as individuals with their own lives and struggles.

Emotional Conflict: He grapples with feelings of guilt and responsibility, something entirely new to him. This conflict softens his anger, replacing it with a grudging respect for his people.

Self-Reflection: By the end of the sentence, Wind Waker Ganondorf feels a profound sense of failure and regret for the pain he has caused. This realization, however, is marred by his enduring ambition, making him vow to change his methods, not his goals.

Ocarina of Time Ganondorf

Initial Reaction:

Outrage and Denial: Ocarina of Time Ganondorf would be enraged, denying any wrongdoing. He views himself as a ruler who has done what is necessary for power and control.

Scorn: He initially holds contempt for the sentence, considering it a waste of his time.

Thoughts & Feelings Throughout:

Hostility: His initial interactions with the Gerudo are marked by hostility. He expects them to fear and revere him, but instead, he faces their disdain and pain.

Confronting Reality: The stories of their suffering, especially from the elder Gerudo who remember his reign, start to penetrate his hardened heart.

Reflection: He begins to understand the depth of their betrayal and abandonment, feeling a twisted sense of responsibility. This is a bitter pill to swallow for someone who has always prided himself on his strength and power.

Transformation: By the end, he feels a deep, conflicting mix of guilt and anger, not just at the world but at himself. This experience plants a seed of doubt in his mind about his past actions and future ambitions.

Twilight Princess Ganondorf

Initial Reaction:

Stoic Acceptance: Twilight Princess Ganondorf would meet the sentence with a cold, stoic expression. He sees it as another trial to overcome.

Pride: Despite this, there's a flicker of doubt about the fate of his people that he has long suppressed.

Thoughts & Feelings Throughout:

Confronting the Truth: When he learns that his followers were tortured and slaughtered, but the rest of the Gerudo were merely banished, his anger towards Hyrule is momentarily eclipsed by confusion and relief.

New Alliances: Seeing the Gerudo forming alliances with tribes like the Zuna in the Desert of Doubt, thriving in their way, challenges his perception of their fate.

Internal Struggle: He feels a mix of pride and shame. Pride that his people survived and adapted, shame for having failed them and believing them all to be dead.

Renewed Purpose: By the end, Twilight Princess Ganondorf feels a profound sense of duty to truly lead his people, to ensure their safety and prosperity, even if it means changing his approach.

Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf

Initial Reaction:

Defiance: Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf would react with defiance, viewing the sentence as a challenge to his authority and power.

Curiosity: Despite this, there is a part of him that is curious about the current state of his people.

Thoughts & Feelings Throughout:

Resistance: His initial interactions with the Gerudo are marked by attempts to assert his dominance and control.

Reality Check: As he sees the Gerudo working hard to survive and thrive, he starts to see the consequences of his actions not just in terms of power but in human terms.

Softening: He gradually begins to appreciate their resilience and strength, feeling a growing sense of responsibility.

Commitment: By the end, Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf feels a renewed commitment to his people, vowing to be a better leader, not just a conqueror.

Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf

Initial Reaction:

Resentment: Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf would react with deep resentment, viewing the sentence as a betrayal by both Hyrule and his people.

Confusion: The notion that the Gerudo might be doing well without him would be both confusing and infuriating.

Thoughts & Feelings Throughout:

Initial Shock: Seeing the Gerudo as an ally nation, respected and maintaining their cultural identity, challenges everything he believed.

Shame: Learning that the Gerudo feel responsible for him and ashamed of his actions is a deep blow to his pride.

Deep Reflection: He faces intense inner turmoil, realizing the gravity of his actions and their impact on his people.

Redemption: By the end, Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf feels a deep need for redemption. He vows to make amends, not through power and conquest but through genuine leadership and support for his people.

Demise

Initial Reaction:

Rage: Demise would react with intense rage, seeing the sentence as a challenge to his inherent power and authority.

Disdain: He views the Gerudo as tools for his ambitions, and the idea of understanding their struggles is beneath him.

Thoughts & Feelings Throughout:

Resistance: His interactions are marked by attempts to reassert his dominance and control over the Gerudo.

Unyielding: Unlike the others, Demise's initial disdain and anger rarely waver. He struggles to see the value in understanding his people’s plight.

Gradual Realization: Only through persistent exposure to their suffering and resilience does he begin to feel a grudging respect.

Inner Conflict: By the end, Demise feels an internal conflict between his desire for power and a newfound, albeit reluctant, understanding of the true consequences of his actions. This does not lead to a change in his ambitions, but it does plant a seed of doubt and a sense of responsibility that he cannot entirely ignore.

Conclusion

Each Ganondorf and Demise would experience a journey of emotional and mental turmoil, grappling with the consequences of their actions on the Gerudo people. This experience would challenge their perceptions, forcing them to confront their responsibilities and the impact of their actions. While some may be more inclined towards genuine change and redemption, others might remain conflicted, struggling between their inherent desires for power and the newfound understanding of their people's suffering.

[gorbalsvampire]

In the Gehenna War era, post-splinterification, what do you imagine it takes to be judged True Sabbat? (Please note: I'm way more interested in your creativity, interpretations, and what interests you than in strict canonicity.) Thank you!

So, about the Sabbat, post-interregnum...

In a surprising but welcome shift in approaches, antitribu doesn't mean "on the other side of the sect war from where your clan normally is" but a far more interesting "opposed to the idea of even identifying by your clan to begin with." Pack and Path identity are far, far more important than whose blood flows in your veins and, if we stop and think about it, this is both ideologically and practically on point.

Ideologically, the Sabbat makes war to hunt the Antediluvians and destabilise domains which protect or apologise for them and, of course, to recruit. Leave turf war for mundane practical reasons to the Anarchs! Given that end goal of annihilating the Third Generation, of course it makes sense that Sabbat reject the clan identities defined by which of your targets happens to be at the root of your own particular bullshit.

Practically, the Sabbat shares vitae (and consequently Disciplines) as a regular ritual practice, and during wartime, the mass Embraces aren't a tidy one-bites-one affair. It's a squirming pit of hungry angry vampires, in which the survivors are probably diablerising each other down there before the surface. And, of course, diablerie is going to have an impact too. Given these practices, the Sabbat must be breaking down the boundaries between clans all the time. Most of the buggers should, mechanically speaking, be Caitiff, with only the rare Lasombra or Tzimisce childe groomed personally for a position of apprenticeship or leadership really standing out. Even they, if they have any sense about it, will lean on the achievements of their ancestors within the sect, and push against the definitive limitations of their Blood.

(Defined "bloodlines" like the Volgirre may emerge, but - gosh, now that I think about it, Baron Philippe's brood make a lot more sense as not defining themselves as a bloodline until they're accepted by the Camarilla and start to Embrace more widely and spread. Likewise, the Harbingers joined the Sabbat as allies but kept to themselves and seldom-if-ever Embraced, until they returned to the nascent Hecata.)

Perhaps what is to be Cainite, and True Sabbat, is in truth to be descended from Caine and not his cursed grandchilder. A clanless potentiality, unburdened of the weaknesses of the bloodlines, and able to develop in the direction its chosen Path demands.

SO! Let's talk about the Paths. I've Posted before about the mechanical faults with "adopting a Path" and the impossibility of transhuman ascension under Vampire's transgression-based morality rules, let's take that as read for now. Second edition did it right with the insistence that all "playable" (read "viable, True") Sabbat are on a Path and have successfully internalised its ethics and mobilised them against the Beast.

I really like how the contemporary Sabbat has fractured into packs led by priests and sharing a Path in common. It Just Makes Sense that the philosophical commitments of given Sabbat are what holds them together. The Sabbat is, after all, a militant cult; an army. Units work better if they're pursuing common goals and adopting a common strategy, rather than being tugged every which way by the individual desires of its members.

And, again returning to my Touchstone of second edition, all Sabbat used to operate on a mechanically distinct and alien basis in which Conviction (belief in an ethic), Instinct (trust in the Beast) and collective Morale (faith in the strength of the pack) replaced personal Conscience and Self-Control, and individualistic Courage. They weren't like you, they didn't think like you, and whatever made them so unlike you happened before you ever met them.

The paradox at the heart of the Sabbat is that it preaches freedom (from mortal and Camarilla moral and ethical concerns, i.e. freedom to be an unapologetic vampire) at the cost of submission (to the sect and its goals, i.e. freedom without liberty, do what thou wilt so long as thou dost what th'art told). Adoption of a Path and inclusion into a Pack that shares that commitment is part of that act of submission: it signifies a sublimation of the self into the sect. One cannot be True Sabbat until one has accepted oneself as a vampire - playing, metaphorically and literally, by vampire rules that are proven to work.

Forsake your Clan. Choose your Path. And, above all, make war, on your own initiative, because there are no orders coming from Mexico. The Regent is dead (and, in unknown fact, has been for a decade). The elders who founded and led the sect threw their childer to the fires and answered the Beckoning call of the ancient horrors: fuck 'em, they'll die with the Antediluvians they protect and serve. The self-proclaimed Kindred are merely obstacles. Recruit them, or tear them down. Leave the turf war bullshit to the Anarchs. We have a higher goal.

It's funny how I always drift into character when I talk about the Sabbat. I started out running a Sabbat game, and cast myself as pack priestess when I started playing them. They've always been my favourite mistake, and now that they and the Anarchs are in distinct and very different kinds of conflict, they are more interesting than they've ever been.

[mobumi]

Well, first I wanted to say that I love your analyzes and thank you for always answering our questions. You know, I wanted to know when Arajin's redemption will be, let's go to episode 9 and with no redemption I see a comment on Instagram saying that it wouldn't be bad if at the end of the anime Matakara and Arajin are no longer friends I would love it because I want Matakara recognize that your best friend is zabu. what do you think?

Thanks! No problem it's fun :)

I don't think Arajin needs a redemption arc to be honest, it would be too predictable anyway and there are only 4 or 5 episodes left. Yeah he's annoying and all but he didn't do much, at least to the point that he needs redemption cause for me it's for characters who are truly horrible at the beginning, like he's not a bully, but Arajin is just dumb, in his own Shojo anime and fails to function as a normal human being (I still think he was too insensitive and crossed the lines in ep 8 but that's besides the point). Sure, his attitude affects others but he's not a horrible person, selfish yes, pathetic yes, not horrible. We know he has a good heart and pretends not to care. Matakara believes it too. He only wears a mask and that is why a lot of people still like him.

I made a post a while ago about how Arajin and Matakara were the same, but Matakara was written better and I still stand by it. There's a connection between the two, an obvious parallel. Matakara has this idealized version of Arajin like Arajin as one for Mahoro and they act the same in some ways. The difference is that Matakara actually grew up with Arajin, he didn't invent what he saw in his friend. They made a promise when they were younger and Arajin gave him a friendship stone. He was actually kind and caring, Matakara didn't imagine that, he lived it, so it makes sense that he thinks Arajin is still like that years later. His vision of him is not coming out of nowhere. He got attached to this Arajin who was truly himself, but he didn't see him grow. That's the disconnection.

From the moment Arajin ghosted Matakara and went on with his life, their bond was broken, only Matakara didn't realize it at first because Arajin was part of his dream of becoming Honkibito and one of the people who gave him strength. He thought the reason Arajin didn't talk to him anymore was because he wasn't strong enough. Arajin doesn't think he's strong enough as well, he wants validation (from Mahoro) and he flees from his fear of being weak. When Matakara lost his belief, he lost his identity too and that made him terrified. I think he knew from the beginning that something seemed off with Arajin, but he didn't want to believe it because that would mean he's alone and his beliefs and dream would be gone. Who will he be without it? So I don't think that Mata is completely fooled by Arajin but mostly he's scared because if his role model is not who he thought he was, he has no hope left. Matakara needed this realization to let go of Arajin.

What I mean by all of this is that the same thing is going to happen to Arajin. It's not necessarily redemption he needs but the same realization Matakara had in episode 8. He needs to break out of the spell and accept the true Mahoro so he can let go of her too.

Both characters are going to come face to face with the truth, with reality, and either they're going to bond again over this or they're going to be their own person without each other and find peace. But I think with this parallelism, they also seem to be made for each other like they're one piece of each other if that makes sense? The universe (aka Utsumi) wants them together (as friends or allies, enemies, whatever defines them.)

They're not going to change completely, especially Arajin, but I can see them accepting who they are in the end. Their perspectives on each other are going to change, their views, their beliefs, but not their true identity. In the 1001 nights tale, and notably in the Disney movie "Aladdin", Jasmine and Aladdin hide their true identities. Aladdin pretends to be a prince to get Jasmine's attention and marry her. She met him before but doesn't recognize him. It's only at the end that Ali Ababwa disappears, his mask is gone and his true self is revealed to her. Meanwhile, she hides that she's a princess and dresses as a "commoner" so she can see the world. Shit keeps happening to them when they're not true to themselves just like Aladdin and Jasmine.

So yeah, I guess just like those characters they're going to be free from themselves and it's going to free Senya and Ichiya as well because they're trapped in their bodies. Senya thinks that he needs to merge with Arajin to see Ichiya again but the only way I think is for them to be themselves without Arajin and Matakara. It's interesting that the moment they are both linked to Senya and Ichiya was a moment where they were running away from fear, the genies came when they were hopeless, so I think there's this idea that they can't be themselves if the genies are still possessing them and using them. But if they overcome their fears, they will get their bodies back, more exactly their mind and heart 👀.

Moreover, in the original Aladdin story, "Aladdin and the Magic Lamp" which apparently takes place in China 👀, Aladdin is not perceived as a pure-hearted hero. He wants the princess but he's not interested in her personality or her feelings, so just like Arajin he's a flawed hero who gets what he wishes for...

So no, I don't expect a redemption for Arajin, especially with the tone of the show. Not because he's bad and he'll stay bad, but mostly because he's not the villain of the story, just a reflection of humanity. His character was intended to be like that and to be his true self he needs to let go of his fear, that's the only thing i can see for him. The real question is will his wish come true? He's supposed to get what he wants, get the girl. If it doesn't happen then something else waits for him and I really want to see what the resolution will be. I don't think that in the end Arajin and Matakara no longer being friends will be the answer, it's more than that. Although I imagined there is going to be a reconnection whether they're back being friends or not.

You know what? Maybe we were fooled as viewers. Matakara is actually Aladdin but with Jasmine's personality and Arajin is his Jasmine with Aladdin's personality. But because of their names we thought it was the other way around. Like one of his closest friends is literally Zabu= Abu. It's different than the original story but their dynamic is kinda the same. Idk, I can see it. They're interchangeable. But yeah, Aladdin gets what he wants, so all is going to end well for Arajin, but we have yet to see what will be Matakara's wish...

[geewintg]

okay despite me hating on mlb for how they butchered the series' plot bad, I'm still kickin and gigglin over the halloween special LIKE

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

man, the alternate universe's characters slap in every bum. The role reversal with adrien and gabrielle, with how gabrielle was more accepting of his wife's lose while adrien was stuck on his mother's death and he hated his father for moving on. This dynamic made more sense in my opinion because adrien, a teenager, a boy who lost a mother-figure when he was young, would be bitter about the loss, not knowing how to cope yet with certain emotions and seeing his father who looked moved on already amplified it further because in this sense, it made him lonelier. Gabrielle would have prob tried to talk to him but knowing how the usual mentality of people in this age goes, they would stubbornly believe and cling onto their own wishes and wants, seeing his father's act of acceptance as betrayal and already forgetting about his mom. He doesn't have the mental and emotional maturity yet to cope with the loss hence he walked down the path which was clawnoir. Unlike in the orig series where gabrielle was the one hell-bent trying to get his wife back while adrien just wanted his father to spend time with him.

I mean, it's not like this dynamic did not make sense. It's just that I saw the appeal more with the role reversed as this is how things with the lost of a family member goes. AND CAN I JUST SAY,

IT HAS THE TROPE OF MR POPULAR HAVING A CRUSH ON A NORMAL BAKER GIRL AUGHHHGHHGH it's tickling my brain in all of its weak spots I CAN'T this is just so cute honestly

that act of "admiring you in a distance" is so 😩😩 PLEASE WE COULD HAVE SEEN MORE but then in their masked forms, it's "I'll punch your face the moment I get an opportunity" they fight so badly it's not even what you can say a banter, they fight with raw emotions that scrapes your ears like chalk scratching on a board exactly just like teens who are going through a lot and the moment they revealed their identities, there was a hint of comfort that clawnoir awkwardly tried to portray because in the end, he realized, they were just two people underneath the mask who have rough things they're going through, added the fact that emo!marinette said she'd wish to replace marinette of this universe just so she could experience the good things here (of course it's also the fact that she's his crush which was another major factor to consider but I wanna pretend that the former is the explanation for angst factor xd)

they literally had this enemies to lovers trope going on, partners who are only forced to cooperate by a higher rank but could care less about the other. Can I just say that the emo!duo had more character arc than our mains for so many seasons? In this little flashbacks and small trinkets of what happened in their world, we are able to see more depth to their characters and progression to their plot. If only we could have focused more on the emo au, I would have jumped right into that ship to sail me away! Instead, we got an ending that focused on the actual au that we have. LIKE I DO NOT GIVE AF! Would give anything to see about the father-son angst of the emo au instead, like imagine, having to see that you've been fighting your son all along and because gabrielle, being the way that he is, would be crushed knowing that his actions are partly responsible for his son's path to darkness

also, I wanna tackle about emo!marinette's, when she said

that means that these two never have been formally introduced but she showed her frustration about adrien agreste being a menace and arrogant. Meanwhile, adrien only talked about specifically being mean to nino. But it's prob a chloe-marinette dynamic with adrien being stuck up to everyone but only targeting nino specifically. That's why shadybug groaned when hearing adrien agreste despite having no one-on-one interaction with him because as we saw, he became timid when he saw her identity. There would be no way he'd harm her theoretically. He may have struck a conversation with her sure, but considering his already-bad reputation, emo!marinette would have thought of him as a bully much like chloe, knowing they're childhood friends and would want as much to avoid him (this is literally what happened in s1e1 with adrien trying to remove the gum off marinette's seat that chloe did) emo!marinette is basing it off on two-peas-in-a-pod friendship, plus with what he did to emo!nino, no doubt marinette would see it that way.

also! I just wanna add that what if, what if the emo!adrien is dressed like we see him as is because of marinette who took on the emo aesthetic (if we did not include the halloween special vibe lmao), he did that style in order to get close to her and to have some ground topic to start a conversation. People tend to stick with people of the same interests after all.

man, there's more I wanna say about this halloween special but let's leave it at that for today. I also wanna hear what you guys think about this special episode? Because honestly, there's so much potential for this au and the fics AUGHHH THE FICS JUST IMAGINE

[grimlins-chaos]

Lo'gosh/Vari revamps! full body w/ comparisons to the og designs + alt looks + my mad rambling under the cut!

Do keep in mind these are my takes on the character and this is for my fic that's in the works where i'm doing some MASSIVE retconning of story and world building to 1, feed my brainworms because this *is* a warcraft x ffxiv crossover and 2, keep my fucking sanity because blizz retcons their own shit so much and the way they handle characters so inconsistently it makes me violently angry i fucking hate the books with every fiber of my being

I'm more than happy to give clarifications on some of my ideas just be aware that i might sound unhinged as i explain the ideas i've cultivated in my brain case for literal years like a conspiracy theorist so without further ado LET'S GO!

First things first let's get into Lo'gosh!

He starts off with his OG look as functionally it works and it's an iconic look in a ring where your gladiators are being pitted against guys who are damn near naked you don't want to disadvantage them with too much armor

the only few changes i made was switching out the sash for some more straps and the armored pieces are not nearly as bulky (i did straight up forget his spikes but i'll add them another time when i have a bit more time so just imagine they are there lmao)

But as iconic as the look is his clothes do deteriorate especially as my version of lo'gosh gets tossed around on the regular (think of captain america's "i can do this all day" while bloodied and beat the fuck up) on top of because it being such an iconic look Lo'gosh would need a change of clothes to replace the torn ones he was given as well as make him blend in a little more with your common adventurers, so when he meets up with allies in the eastern kingdoms he gets some new drip

he does hold onto the old armor pieces as to hold on to the lo'gosh identity for as long as he can before he has to return to being Varian Wrynn (to build more upon his feelings of "i don't know this varian, is that really the life i want?" in issue 7 of the comics because it was such a missed opportunity for internal conflict, we love a man who's struggling emotionally)

Storywise i felt that rather than have him be the strong willed half of Varian while the other half is more "weak willed" instead Lo'gosh and Vari represent two different sides of his ideals, attitude, and how he expresses love (yes we are going FULL fuckin' cheese mode here) Lo'gosh would represent the rebellious side of Varian, the one who would try so desperately to escape because he just wants to be free. Pre-split this would present most in his younger self who would regularly sneak out to have fun and support his people, away from the pressures of his duties that would later on take away any minuscule amount of freedom he had in his life. Lo'gosh also represents Varian's strong sense of justice, never afraid and not even hesitating to throw himself on the line to defend complete strangers because (unknowingly to Lo'gosh for most of the story) his past with a young abused girl that he once called best friend along with Arthas very much ingrained it into his head that he would never leave anyone who takes advantage of others and hurts them like how he had failed that girl

Lo'gosh is the side of Varian that's a force of nature that will act on the spot to protect others, unwilling to back down and has absolutely zero fucking idea on when to just give up (granted giving up seems more like a made-up concept to him)

When it comes to Vari (the nickname i gave to the more charming/gentle dad side of Varian just for the sake of making it less confusing) I do have a lot more to say so buckle the fuck up XD;;

In terms of design i fuckin' hate his pajama suit, i tried to redeem it, i very much did, but it wasn't workin' out for me XD It makes sense in that when it comes to Vari i very much see him as being extremely insecure, and so while katrana bumps up his charm to obnoxious levels the actual charisma he displays is a mask to try and hide his struggle. So it makes sense for him to make himself seem less regal and wear as simple as clothing as he can outside of obvious formal affairs and Katrana would very much prey on this especially as corrupt black dragons lean on self-importance and ego and so she'd make herself wear purples and reds while Vari blends more in with the crowd, she makes it so your eyes go to her rather than the fuckin king because she has manipulated her way to the top and holds all the power over him

But the whole body suit deal? uglier than sin, this ain't your wish medieval batman costume so for my redesign i gave Vari this

it was a combination of norse inspired renfaire tunics and as well as the outfits in one of my favorite movies; Quest for camelot (as King Arthur was a minor inspiration for my version of Varian)

And as for armor it does still have close resemblance to the og look in the comics but gave it a bit more bulk and baggyness in some areas as i imagine Vari representing the protection spec while Lo'gosh is of course fury, so to take a bit more of a beating he's got more protection

Vari being the half of Varian that retained his memories, he carries the brunt of the trauma and guilt brought on by all the trials and horrific events he's experienced but to cover his pain not only to try and hide from it but also in an attempt to protect his son and be there for his people (the mask of "everything's just fine" while the wearer of that mask is actively drowning). But Vari also carries the fatherly attitude of Varian, this is the half that presents Varian's love of his son the absolute most and for him he's willing to literally jump off a cliff just to save him. Vari will defend those he loves with his life.

Lo'gosh: Offensive Vari: Defensive

Together they are the two halves of one ballsy motherfucker you really do not wanna piss off

Anywho if you've made it this far i personally applaud you for subjecting yourself to my madness, i hope it was at least entertaining and a fun read!

[harbingerofwhump]

Your new tumblr name (title? pseudonym?) is terribly intriguing will you please share your wisdom/headcanon

Ahahaha, so, I have to be honest it came more from an inside joke with a couple friends than a specific "kaz is a femboy" headcanon. But also, I think it works well with Thoughts/headcanons that I've had about Kaz anyway so I stand by it lmao, so!

I've kind of always imagined Kaz as being very gnc (if not trans or enby). He presents himself however is convenient for him in the moment (for jobs, cons, etc.), or to make a statement (mocking the merchers), but when the way he presents doesn't really matter, that all goes out the window. Which doesn't have to be tied to Femboy Kaz but it can be, and I think he'd very much be the kind of person to say "fuck gender norms I do what I want" (insert tangent about autistic!kaz and social norms/expectations in general here) and at some point he realizes that what he wants is to wear pretty dresses and makeup thank you very much

And it can serve a purpose beyond personal feelings too! It's no 'mock the merchers and make them uncomfortable by dressing as one of them' but I think he still could (and would) use it to make a point and as a a sort of... act of rebellion? (since we have at least some indication that sexism/misogyny is prevalent at least to some extent in the grishaverse), especially if he found out any of his crew (crows or otherwise) had been having problems with it. Like just, him whole-heartedly embracing femininity and making it everyone else's problem, he knows it doesn't change anything, it isn't a weakness or something to hide/be ashamed of --- in him or anyone else --- etc., and he will gladly make other people uncomfortable with that and put them in the position of having to either face that or do mental gymnastics to hold on to their preconceived ideas

Also also also! I dunno I just generally have feelings about like…. As Kaz starts to heal, he has to open up not just to his friends but also to himself? If that makes sense? Like he has to figure out who he is as a person, just himself --- no 'I live to exact revenge in Jordie's name', no masks/personas, no Dregs, no Inej and Jesper & Co., just. Him.

(Which isn't to say these aren't still critical aspects of/don't have a critical role in who he is, but. Ya know. There's more to it, he has to figure out who he is beyond that, etc. I'm definitely not explaining this well but hopefully my point is getting across?)

Anyway, sorry, bit of a tangent there. Point is, I think his healing journey comes with its fair share of self exploration/discovery, and I imagine gender presentation/exploring femininity, especially as a man, being an unexpected but important part of that.

But I think one of the biggest things for me here is that like… disability (trauma, chronic pain, mental illness) can be really alienating, not just from society/people around you but also from yourself and your own body? And how you dress and generally present can be incredibly important regardless of identity and neurotype and physical capabilities and all that, but then to bring in those other aspects --- the way it impacts how others view and treat you, how you generally feel, your own connection to your body and personhood, etc (how many times can I use "etc." in this post, lol) --- as well... Idk maybe this isn't a common experience but at least to me that all really intensifies the role/importance of outward presentation?

Plus, between his reputation and his limp/cane and the gloves, Kaz is probably already so accustomed to people taking the very nature of his existence as an invitation to… be invasive, I guess? (There's definitely a better way to explain what I mean but.) But anyway, even if a lot of the time people know better than to actually push him or voice their speculations and invasiveness to his face, it does happen and he knows it, so what's one more thing to give them? * Cue fun femboy times *

Idk if I… actually made any sense here and I was definitely very brief/vague but. Just some of my thoughts. If I was better at putting said thoughts into coherent words for people not living inside my brain, I'd be writing a whole essay on this, but alas….

Sorry I feel like this is probably a disappointing answer since none of it is actually inherently about Kaz being a femboy, but it's also not a specific headcanon I have about him, just something that can fit well with ideas/thoughts/headcanons/what have you that I had already, so I don't have much to offer there.