#imagine being an employee trying to maintain some communication with the community

[thefirstknife]

New article with more details (from Jason Schreier who first broke the story). If you can't see it, I'll copy the whole text under read more.

About 100 employees were laid off in total (8%) and one of the main reasons listed is "underperformance," "sharp drop in popularity" and "poor reception of Lightfall."

So you know when for the last year and a half content creators have been shitting and pissing on the game as a full-time job and the amount of negativity and ragebait content became the only thing to make content about for them? Well they certainly won't take the blame, but I will let it be known. These people either don't understand the influence they have or they do and they're doing it on purpose, and I don't know which of these two options is worse, but I am 100% confident that their campaign of rage and hate contributed to this.

You don't base your entire community around constantly hating everything about the only game you play (despite clearly not enjoying it anymore) and somehow avoid galvanising thousands and thousands of people into perceiving the game negatively. Imagine being employees who have barely worked there for 2 years and the only community reception they've seen is 24/7 hate train for their work and then they get fired because of "poor reception" and "drop in popularity." How can they not take that personally? I am absolutely devastated for these people who delievered a banger product and who were met with an unrelenting barrage of toxic gamer children which ended up having more sway over their boss than them.

Which brings me to the next bit and that's FUCK THE CEO. He is now my mortal enemy #1. I am projecting psychic blasts directly into his brain. What an absolute spineless coward who is more willing to bow down to fucking gamers than to protect his own employees. This is absolutely rage inducing because this has happened before. From the article from 2021 about the toxic culture at Bungie:

Reading this shit from the new article absolutely fucking sent me into blind rage because I immediately remembered this. Another instance of employees suffering because of comments on reddit. And because of toxic players. And proof that leadership is not protecting employees and is instead siding with players.

Match made in heaven. Asshole gamer content creators and asshole CEOs, all of whom sit at home on piles of money made from someone else's labour. I hope they all explode. None of the people that worked on this game deserve this.

Another article with an infuriating comment from the CEO:

In an internal town hall meeting addressing a Monday round of layoffs that impacted multiple departments, Bungie CEO Pete Parsons allegedly told remaining employees that the company had kept “the right people” to continue work on Destiny 2.

"Kept the right people." Really. Veteran composers weren't the right people? Die!

Bloomberg article in full:

Bungie’s decision to cut an estimated 100 jobs from its staff of about 1,200 followed dire management warnings earlier this month of a sharp drop in the popularity of its flagship video game Destiny 2. Just two weeks ago, executives at the Sony-owned game developer told employees that revenue was running 45% below projections for the year, according to people who attended the meeting. Chief Executive Officer Pete Parsons pinned the big miss on weak player retention for Destiny 2, which has faced a poor reception since the release of its latest expansion, Lightfall. The next expansion, The Final Shape, was getting good — not great feedback — and management told those present that they planned to push back the release to June 2024 from February, according the people, who asked not to be identified because they weren’t authorized to speak publicly. The additional time would give developers a chance to improve the product. In the meantime, Parsons told staff Bungie would be cutting costs, such as for travel, as well as implementing salary and hiring freezes, the people said. Everyone would have to work together to weather the storm, he said, leaving employees feeling determined to do whatever was needed to get revenue back up. But on Monday morning the news got worse: Dozens of staffers woke up to mysterious 15-minute meetings that had been placed on their calendars, which they soon learned were part of a mass layoff. Bungie laid off around 8% of its employees, according to documentation reviewed by Bloomberg. Bungie didn’t respond to requests for comment. Employees who were let go will receive at least three months of severance and three months of Bungie-paid COBRA health insurance, although other benefits, such as expense reimbursements, ended Monday, sending some staff racing to submit their receipts. Laid-off staffers will also receive prorated bonuses, although those who were on a vesting schedule following Sony Group Corp.’s acquisition of Bungie in January 2022 will lose any shares that weren’t vested as of next month. The layoffs are part of a larger money-saving initiative at Sony’s PlayStation unit, which has also cut employees at studios such as Naughty Dog, Media Molecule and its San Mateo office. TD Cowen analyst Doug Creutz wrote in a report Monday that “events over the last few days lead us to believe that PlayStation is undergoing a restructuring.” PlayStation president Jim Ryan announced last month that he plans to resign. Many of the layoffs at Bungie affected the company’s support departments, such as community management and publishing. Remaining Bungie staff were informed that some of those areas will be outsourced moving forward.

[rookie-icarus]

The Heavenly Industrial Complex or The Metatron is a Union Buster

I do think the coffee is a critical element of the finale and Aziraphale’s ultimate decision, but not for the reasons you may think.  Here's why:

Part I: An Institutional Problem

Heaven has a growing optics problem, but an excellent PR department that knows how to put a spin on a media hit.

“For one prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story. For it to happen twice, makes it look like there is some kind of institutional problem.” — The Metatron, Season 2, Episode 5

Communications strategists sometimes refer to this as creating a “Winning Narrative”, where a set of values are shared and are overwhelmingly supported by the public as a cultural norm, bringing more people to your side. And, most importantly, a winning narrative drives behavior.

Now, imagine the most famous angel in the bible who is essentially heaven’s press secretary publicly says, “You know what? Not only do I not want this job anymore, but I’m rejecting the institution I’ve always represented outright.”

Now your Winning Narrative is put into question at best and, at worst, breaks down the entire confidence in your institution and the behavior of those who support it — or worse, who make up the institution itself:

*Ahem*

One angel and demon collaborating to thwart The Great Plan was already dangerous four years ago but was generally contained within the senior leadership of Heaven and Hell. But now, with the defection of Gabriel and Beelzebub, there is a growing pattern and The Metatron has to deal with it before it spirals out of control.* So, he does what a leader should do when presented with a threat: he studies the opposition.

The opposition isn’t hell, it’s the humanity that has crept into and influenced Crowley and Aziraphale over the last 6,000 years.

Crowley: For my money, the really big one is all of us against all of them.

Aziraphale: What? Heaven and Hell against humanity?

— Good Omens, Season 1, Episode 6

Part II: Human Nature

Something we see over and over again this season is the extreme ignorance of Heaven and Hell as they don’t even try to understand not only human nature but human anything. (Reproduction, law enforcement, how to drink tea, how long humans even live, what is sushi, etc).

(Muriel is a precious baby duck and I will fight anyone who hurts them.)

But the Metatron knows exactly how to queue, and place a generally common coffee order, he has the knowledge that the other ethereal and occult beings who have visited Earth don't have — how humans interact. It's disarming and very clever.

When The Metatron asks Nina about the coffee shop's namesake the key isn't "give me death" it's "so predictable".

Study humans long enough, you see the patterns that push them into action: values, convictions, and love.

A heavenly intervention won't do, but a simple conversation has the power to obliterate the expectations Aziraphale generally has of heaven’s bureaucracy and petty nature. It’s everything Aziraphale wants to believe and what he’s been conditioned to trust. It’s propaganda.

Think of how coffee is often a pretense for other interactions among humans, especially in a work setting.  Your boss takes you out for a coffee because they see the warning signs that the company may be unionizing, establishing a false relationship, or camaraderie.

“[...] management’s politeness comprises a small tactic in a much larger strategy on the part of Capital to delude workers and maintain labor peace .”  Jay Bettencourt, “Nothing in Common: Your Boss is Not Your Friend”

It’s also worth pointing out that another union-busting tactic is promoting lower-level employees and turning them into managers in order to create a riff in solidarity. *cough*

As we’ve heard from Crowley over and over again: humans often invent much worse things than he or Hell ever could. I wouldn’t be surprised if The Metatron took a page from a union-buster book.

Part III: The (failed) promise of change from within

In this conversation, The Metatron does two things: appeals to Aziraphale’s values and offers him proximity to power to act on those values.

He has a chance to make the changes he feels would have the greatest impact on a broken system. As a former non-profit employee, Aziraphale's "I can make a difference" broke my heart. I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with peers about wanting to change the non-profit industrial complex from the inside and the disillusionment that comes with it when you realize you can’t. 

“Nonprofits — through the services they provide and the media and other campaigns they design — explicitly and implicitly reinforce and perpetuate certain ideas. For example, in their work they frame what is the “appropriate” solution to social problems. [...]

Finally, nonprofits also reinforce an ideology about the most appropriate way to bring about change — namely, working for a nonprofit.

And who benefits when good-willed people committed to social justice get drawn into a system that they depend on for their livelihood and that incentivizes not rocking the boat?” — Erica West, Beyond the Non-Profit Industrial Complex

I predict that’s going to be the greatest and most interesting challenge Aziraphale faces in S3, the disillusionment he will receive because institutions do not change because of leadership — there first must be a larger cultural shift among every individual in that institution. In my opinion, Aziraphale’s choice wasn’t out of character, but deeply, deeply human — doing the best he could with the information he had at the time and with an olive branch of coffee in his hand.

(*I also truly believe The Metatron knew about the fraternization between Gabriel and Beelzebub before the beginning of the season, which is why he didn’t want all of Heaven on alert for the missing archangel, refused to cast him down to hell, and wanted to erase his memory.)

Quick note: I have another S2 finale theory that would totally negate this one and may post about it later, but it’s fun to speculate, even if I contradict myself on a silly blogging site

[haldenlith]

Venting, because I feel the need to. First, the news about the layoffs at Bungie is just... frustrating. The company does seem to like to dance around and go, "but we're DIFFERENT! We're one of the good ones! We CARE!"

And then they do shit like that.

I'll admit I've not fallen really for their posturing, and I've been VERY leery of their whole "we used to crunch, but we don't anymore" stance. (Especially after Lightfall -- that game felt rushed, to me.) It's frustrating because again we see a company that, after being propelled upwards by the hard work of a LOT of people (devs, community managers, etc), immediately give those people the boot, especially after waxing lyrical about how good they supposedly treat their employees, and how they're "family".

(That is increasingly becoming a red flag for me, by the way. Every time a company goes "oh our employees are like family", it's been explicitly the opposite.)

It's also funny, in a way, because back when Marathon was announced, I personally sat back and went "... is this why D2 has felt a little lackluster lately?" Because, to me, as some random outsider looking in, it felt a little like they were trying to juggle too many balls at once, and that just kind of confirmed it. Part of their team was working on Marathon, and part was working on D2. Shit, another part is also still maintaining D1. And then, of course, another team is potentially working on stuff that is undisclosed. I was afraid they were stretching themselves too thin, because I imagine D2 is an absolute BEAST to have to maintain and develop for, especially given how often the game's code seems to operate on a very delicate set of cards. Change one thing and a bunch of other stuff breaks.

But, yeah, that's how I felt back then. And now? Now that they've (needlessly) slashed a chunk of the employee roster? Hm.

Even with the delays, I suspect they're going to push the folks that remain to crunch ("But we don't crunch!") on TFS and Marathon. And, honestly? I think they're already fighting an uphill battle. Lightfall burned a lot of players. Instead of riding the wave Witch Queen had made of people being hype for Lightfall, The Final Shape is having to dig itself out from the messy reception of LF. And if TFS is received badly and "flops"? Probably more layoffs, with a potential side of blaming the consumers. Because it couldn't possibly be due to mismanagement or, I don't know, laying off a chunk of the teams that were working on it. (That's sarcasm.)

I'm saying that because gods if it hasn't become formulaic at this point with AAA studios, with this industry. It's become a profit-chasing meat grinder and I hate it. Genuinely, especially with this news with Bungie because it feels like déjà vu, in a way. Companies across the board chew up their employees for the sake of cranking out some (often very buggy) slop in the name of almighty profit.

I guess I'm just tired of looking at an industry that I wanted to be a part of because of my love of video games being turned into some horrific amalgamation of sweatshops, working night and day for the sake of a few money-bloated execs and shareholders at the top, being ground to dust for their sake. Artists, developers, writers, community managers... It's disgusting. It pisses me off that it's gotten like this.

I hope unions happen. I hope things change, but for right now, I'm just really frustrated and tired of seeing this brand of news over, and over, and over again. I hate that it's rare to come across a game that ends up a hit that didn't come at the cost of the people working on it.

I want better for people. I'm just not sure "better" is going to happen any time soon.

[harishjagtani123]

4 ways to make you a great leader – by Mr. Harish Jagtani

If you are a good leader, you can hugely impact the success of your team, your company and yourself. To be an effective leader, you must first understand your strengths and weaknesses.

Successful leaders connect with their teams and keep an open communication line. They also encourage employee growth and development, and, at the same time, provide and receive feedback from everyone around.

Anyone can sit at an impressive desk and order around, but there is more to being an effective leader than doing just that. Good and effective leaders have a great impact on their team members they manage and their companies too. Employees who work under such leaders are happy, productive and connected to their organization. It also provides a ripple effect at the lower-most business line.

Here are some leadership strategies you can incorporate:

1. Engage in open communication

One of the most effective leadership elements is creating a straightforward and open communication line with your team members.

Your company and employees are a reflection of you. If you make ethical behavior as the most important value of your company, your team will follow that too. Experts say great leaders are good listeners too, and take time to understand and change their interactions or communication styles to adapt to situations and each team member’s preferences.

Showing active communication skills and transparency can build trust among your team and improve overall morale. And most of all, as a great leader, your communications should be genuine because, otherwise, it will show in the long run.

So, maintain a clear line of communication that inspires employees to respond easily. Also, keep your communication mode open and adjust according to each team member’s preference.

2. Encourage Growth

As an effective leader, you should set aside a small budget for the growth of employees. With ample options available to continue learning new skills or developing existing ones, you should encourage your employees to learn and infuse them into their work. In addition, you should invest emotionally too. Great leaders empower their employees to grow by giving them challenging opportunities and guiding them where and when required.

To inspire employees, you must encourage them to take up new challenges because employees like challenges and enjoy the satisfaction of overcoming them—be it a tough client or a hard situation. It would be better to let them take on such challenges.

As a leader, you should believe in your employees and offer them opportunities to grow. This would help you accomplish a lot more than you could ever imagine. So, delegate tasks as much as you can and encourage creativity. 

3. Connect with team members

A good leader requires mutual trust and understanding from his team members. And to get that, you have to connect with your team. Experts say that building a real, personal connection with your teammates is important for developing the trust necessary to build a culture of accountability and outstanding performance. With a great culture in place, your team can achieve a successful business, a cheerful team and a successful leader.

To build a connection with each of your team members, try to understand their interests, strengths, weaknesses and preferences. This will allow you to know their goals and motivations. Successful leaders encourage their teams to be free and add value as per their strengths. As a great leader, you should be able to recognize the strengths of each team member and allow them to be responsive and accountable. This will increase employee’s confidence and improve their performance.

4. Positive Attitude

As a leader, you may wish your team to operate smoothly at all times, but you are bound to run into occasional obstacles—it can be a minor issue or a major error. The way you handle a situation speaks volumes about your leadership skills.

The best way is to focus on the good under any circumstances. Try to look at the positive sides of an issue before trying to find out what is making it dissatisfying. If you look at the positive sides of a problem, you will see that people tend to react positively with each other too.

You will see that focusing on solutions can help teams maintain positive engagement. And a positive environment will help you to create a more engaged and productive workforce. So, by showing enthusiasm and confidence, you will have a good impact on the work environment.

Additionally, as an effective leader, you should know how to show others what is needed, rather than blaming at people or giving orders.

About the Author

Mr. Harish Jagtani, a philanthropist, visionary, businessman of Indian origin, currently based in Democratic Republic of Congo for more than 20 years now, is one of the most reputed business owners in the Indian diaspora as well as the entire expat business community in DRC. The business house caters to multiple domains, including but not limited to Domestic as well as International Air Cargo, real Estate and infrastructure development, healthcare, hospitality as well as CSR.

Coming from humble beginnings from Jaipur, Rajasthan, Mr. Harish Jagtani has come a long way in building this conglomerate with a strong and clear vision, sheer dedication and grit. Starting with a small job in sales, Mr. Harish Jagtani today is a proud and righteous owner of a fleet of airplanes and multiple businesses that cater to the basic and advanced needs of the people of Dem. Rep. of Congo in different sectors.

[samwisethewitch]

The Little Gods: Spirits of Place in Modern Paganism

In a previous post, we talked about gods, goddesses, and the many ways they can be worshiped in a modern pagan practice. However, the gods are not the only group of spiritual beings honored by modern pagans. While building relationships with deities makes up the bulk of practice for many people, a lot of pagans work with other groups of spirits as well, or may even work more closely with these “smaller” spirits than with the gods. One of these groups is the ancestors, the spirits of deceased humans who are part of our lineage — we’ll talk about them in a future post.

The other group of minor spirits commonly honored by modern pagans, and the topic of today’s post, are what I like to call the Spirits of Place. This is a broad category that includes land spirits, spirits of natural objects like trees and rivers, and spirits of man-made locations like a house or office building. Depending on your personal beliefs, it may also include animal guides, spirits of inanimate objects, and/or spirits honored in specific cultures like the fairies or the elves.

The idea that the world around us is spiritually alive and aware is present in some form in almost every culture and religion, and the worship of these Spirits of Place is well-documented in most historic pagan religions. For example, much of Irish folk spirituality revolves around appeasing the fairies, which we can understand as a special type of land spirit — this continued long after the conversion period, even after the worship of the Irish gods had faded into obscurity. Many Norse pagans honor the landvaettir (land spirits) and husvaettir (house spirits), which have survived in more recent Nordic folklore in the form of spirits like the Danish nisse or Swedish tomte, who are still honored at Christmas in some parts of Scandinavia. In Roman paganism, the lares, who are both land spirits and the guardians of man-made homes and are closely connected to the ancestors, are given a place of honor. Eclectic pagans may pull from one or more of these practices, or may honor their local spirits in their own unique way.

Honoring the Spirits of Place is not exclusive to pagan faiths. Practitioners of New Orleans Voodoo honor the ashe, the sacred energy, of the Mississipi River, one of their most prominent local landmarks. In Shinto, places and objects are said to have their own kami, which can be understood as gods or as spirits. Even in Christianity’s strictly monotheist system, God is often understood to be physically present in the world around us, a philosophy known as panentheism. I offer these non-pagan examples not because I think pagans should copy these other religions, but because I want to make a point about how pervasive the belief in Spirits of Place really is.

Connecting with the Spirits of Place can help us to engage more mindfully and in more meaningful ways with the world around us. When we accept that every plant, animal, rock, and building has its own spirit or soul, we interact with those objects in a more intentional way. We learn to think about our home not just as a place where we live, but as a spiritual entity that we have an active relationship with. We learn to think of our gardens not as a plot of dirt filled with plants, but as a community of land spirits and plant spirits all working together to provide us with nourishment. We learn to think of our cities not as concrete jungles, but as huge collections of spirits as diverse and fascinating as their human inhabitants. When we open our eyes to the spiritual world that exists alongside our own, we begin to see how the spiritual permeates every aspect of human life.

Connecting with Spirits of Place also offers a way for us to personalize and localize our practice. The Spirits of Place in Los Angeles will be very different from those of Brooklyn, Berlin, or Mexico City. Your local Spirits of Place are closely related to your local biome, as well as to the cultural groups that have influenced your community.

Because of this, the best way to connect with your own Spirits of Place is to learn about where you live. Research your local flora, fauna, and weather patterns — how is your ecosystem unique? Learn about local history and about the cultures who have influenced your area. All of these influences will give you some ideas for how to honor the spirits in your practice.

For example, I live in a temperate climate with four true seasons, clay-based soil, and lots of rain and humidity. Some of the local plant spirits that I feel closest to are the black locust tree, the magnolia tree, poke weed, and the birch tree. Some of the local animal spirits I feel closest to are the crow, the red-tailed hawk, the coyote, and the white-tailed deer. My local land spirits are as steadfast and strong as the nearby Appalachian mountains.

I live in the South, so our local spirits are also shaped by a history of racial oppression and persecution. They have witnessed the displacement of the Cherokee people, whose stolen land I live on today. They have witnessed the transatlantic slave trade and the continued oppression of Black people with Jim Crow and the rise of the Ku Klux Klan. They have witnessed devastating poverty in rural communities, including those of my ancestors. These scars run deep, creating a reverberations that I and other Southern folks still feel today. However, with the trauma of the South comes a rich diversity of influences, creating a unique culture unlike any other in the world. My Irish and Scottish ancestors brought their culture with them when they came to these mountains, where it mingled with the cultural influences of our Black and Latino neighbors, the Cherokee influences of our land, a deeply held Protestant Christian faith, and a special brand of magic that is unique to the South. All of this influences my local Spirits of Place, and I try to keep all of it in mind when interacting with them.

I honor my Spirits of Place by learning to identify local plants, respectfully and ethically foraging from those plants, and using them in my spiritual practice. I honor them by feeding the crows, and by greeting the deer when I encounter them on walks. I honor them by remembering the original inhabitants of this land, by supporting Native rights activists, and by donating to nonprofits that support the Eastern Band of the Cherokee, who originally lived in my area. I honor them by actively working to address the issue of racism in the South, up to and including attending Black Lives Matter protests and campaigning for an end to racialized police violence. I honor them by listening to my Cherokee, Black, and Latino neighbors and following their lead on Cherokee, Black, and Latino issues. I also honor them by practicing sustainable gardening techniques, working to lower my environmental impact, and by giving back to the land whenever I can.

If you don’t live in the same geographic area as me, the way you honor your Spirits of Place may look totally different. Don’t be afraid to make this practice your own — once you connect with your local spirits, they will be your guides.

Types of Spirits of Place

There are many, many types of spirits that fall into this category, and the list in this post is not meant to be exhaustive. My goal here is to give you an idea of some of the forms these spirits can take, so that you can begin to recognize the Spirits of Place that surround you in your own life.

Land spirits: These are spirits of specific geographical locations or features of the land. They may be as big as the Mississippi River or as small as the rosebush in your backyard. As you might imagine, these spirits don’t move around much, as they usually don’t venture far from the location they are tied to. In my experience, land spirits have a very stable, steady, and earthy presence.

Our relationship with the land spirits is a direct reflection of our relationship with the land itself. If we live our lives in a way that hurts the land by polluting it or stripping it of resources, it will be much harder to build a healthy relationship with the spirits of that land. The best way to live in right relationship with the land spirits is to treat the land you are living on with honor and respect.

In my personal practice, I call on the land spirits for help in my garden. I make offerings of food that is safe for local wildlife if they decide to help themselves, such as unsalted peanuts, birdseed, bread, or fresh fruit. When I make offerings, I make sure to thank the land spirits for sharing their home with me and for providing me with abundance. You might honor your local land spirits in a similar way, or you may find that another approach works better for you.

House spirits: It is not only natural places that have spirits — man-made buildings also have a spirit of their own. If you’ve ever stayed in a very old house, you probably felt its unique character while you were there. Every building has its own soul of sorts, which embodies the place, the way it is used, and the different people who have lived there. In my experience, these spirits tend to take on the energy of the people who live in or frequently use their building — the spirits of a happy home may have a kind, friendly presence, while the spirits of a dysfunctional business where employees are mistreated may have a mean streak.

Many of us overlook the spiritual importance of our homes. Our home is where we can be most vulnerable, and in most cases it’s probably where most of our daily spiritual practices take place. Our home is the base of operations we come back to at the end of each day. A home that feels safe, comfortable, and welcoming is important to our mental, emotional, and spiritual health. To maintain a healthy home, we need to maintain good relationships with the other people living there — but we can take this even further by striving to have a good relationship with our home itself.

Spirits of objects: Objects also have their on spirits. This applies not only to naturally occurring objects, but to man-made things as well.

Most people with even a passing interest in witchcraft or New Age spirituality are aware that crystals have unique energies and personalities and can act as spiritual allies. What many people don’t realize is that this is not something that is unique to crystals — all objects have a unique spiritual presence, and all of them can be powerful spiritual allies if you take the time to connect with them. A rock from your backyard can be just a powerful as an expensive crystal. So can a favorite sweater, your grandmother’s antique dishes, and even your cell phone.

The best way to connect with the spirits of objects is to talk to them. Tell them that you appreciate the role they serve in your life, and verbally thank them for their help. I find that these spirits don’t typically require offerings in the traditional sense — instead, you can practice reciprocity by keeping their homes in good condition. For example, if you want to connect with the spirit of a favorite stuffed animal, make sure the toy itself stays clean and in good repair.

Plant and animal spirits: Plant and animal spirits are different from spirits of objects because they are physically alive. Plants and animals live and breathe just as we do, which can make them a little easier to befriend and understand than the spirits of inanimate objects. If you’re not quite ready to start talking to your hairbrush, plant and animal spirits can be a good place to start.

Animal spirits are the easiest by far to connect with. Any pet owner will tell you that animals have souls that often seem just as complex as those of humans. Dogs and cats, for example, clearly feel love, joy, sadness, and pain just as humans do. Pets are an excellent way to begin connecting with animal spirits, because you already have a relationship with them in the physical world.

Next time you have a few minutes alone with your pet, try meditating on their spiritual presence. Can you feel their energy? Can you sense the wisdom they carry in their soul?

If you had a pet that died, you might try reaching out to them to see if they want to be involved in your spiritual practice. Dogs especially are very loyal to their owners, and can be called on for protection even after death. If you have ashes or bones from your pet, or if you have items like a collar or a favorite toy, you can include them on an altar or some other special place and make regular offerings of treats or pet food in exchange for their protection.

Some pagans, especially Wiccans and other neopagans, choose to work with familiars, which are a special kind of animal ally. There is a common misconception that a familiar is any animal you feel especially close to, but that isn’t quite how it works. A familiar is an animal that serves as a spiritual ally — traditionally, by helping witches with their magic. The familiar can be a living animal, but it is more often a purely spiritual being.

These animal spirit allies exist in other forms in other pagan religions. In Norse paganism, the fylgja is a spiritual guide that often appears in the form of an animal. The animal form the fylgja takes is closely related to the personality of the person it is attached to, and they are often tied to that person’s fate. In Irish folklore, the fetch is a spiritual double of a human that often appears as an animal. In Kemetic polytheism, one of the parts of the soul is the ba, which often appears as a bird with a human head and which represents a person’s personality. In all of these cases, the animal guide can be understood as an extension of the practitioner, rather than as a separate being like the familiar.

Plant spirits are a little bit different. In my experience, these spirits are quieter and more reserved than most animal spirits, and they tend to work in more subtle ways. Plant spirits are still, steadfast allies that tend to work behind the scenes, so you may not have as many face-to-face interactions with them as you do with animals or land spirits.

The best way to begin connecting with plant spirits is to start keeping a houseplant. As you care for your plant, talk to it! Tell it how much you appreciate it, and thank it for its contribution to keeping your space beautiful and safe. Appropriate offerings for plant spirits are exactly what you would expect: water, fertilizer, and plant food.

Cryptids and folkloric creatures: In the modern era, folklore has given way to urban legends and created a new kind of mythology. Like traditional folklore, urban legends are spread by word of mouth and change organically as they are told and retold. Many urban legends are tied to specific locations, and many of them feature strange and mysterious creatures who can be understood as modern land spirits.

For example, the Loch Ness Monster can be seen as the spirit of Loch Ness. The Jersey Devil is tied to the Pine Barrens in New Jersey. Mothman is tied to Point Pleasant, West Virginia. Although these are some of the most famous modern cryptids, most towns have their own urban legends — if you ask around, you’ll likely find stories of some kind of spectral guardian tied to your area. My college campus has a handful of its own urban legends, including one of a female spirit who appears to warn students of coming disasters. Find out who your local cryptids are, and look for ways to incorporate them into your practice.

These different types of spirits are sometimes filtered through different cultural lenses, which changes the way they interact with humans. For example, an Irish fairy is very different from a Japanese kami, even though both technically fall into the larger category of land spirits. If you feel drawn to a specific tradition’s approach to working with the Spirits of Place, I advise you to do your own research into that tradition — including making sure that it isn’t part of a closed cultural practice which you are not party to. Look for sources written by members of the living culture of that tradition, rather than books written by outsiders.

Connecting with the Spirits of Place

Here are some activities you can do to strengthen your connection with the Spirits of Place:

Make offerings. As I mentioned above, you can honor the spirits with offerings. Just make sure that, if you leave offerings outside, you only offer things that are biodegradable and are safe for local wildlife. If you don’t want to leave physical offerings, you can offer acts of service like picking up litter, watering plants, or volunteering at an animal shelter.

Create an altar. Altars are an excellent way to create space in your life for the spirits. My herb garden doubles as an altar to the land spirits, with a small Green Man statue to represent the spirits and a place where I can leave offerings. I also have a table indoors where I keep most of my houseplants, which is also a sacred space of sorts. The type of altar you create and its location will depend on the spirits you want to connect with — the possibilities are limitless.

Start a compost pile. Compost piles make excellent offerings to land spirits and plant spirits. While compost isn’t quite as simple as “just throw all your leftover food in a pile,” it’s not difficult if you know what you are doing. When composting, it’s important to maintain a balance between carbon-rich “brown” material (leaves, undyed paper, cardboard, etc.) and nitrogen-rich “greens” (fruit and veggie scraps, coffee grounds, egg shells, etc.) — you want about four times as much brown as green in your compost. There are some things you shouldn’t add to your compost, like meat, dairy products, and greasy foods. Start your compost with a layer of brown material — preferably twigs or straw to allow good airflow. Alternate layers of green and brown materials as you add to the pile. Every time you add to your compost, verbally express your gratitude to the land spirits. Your compost should be moist, but not soggy — you’ll know it’s ready when it’s dark and crumbly and smells like soil. Use it on your garden and in your houseplant pots, or donate it to a local community garden.

Hold a territory acknowledgement. A territory acknowledgement is a way to insert awareness of indigenous people whose lands were stolen from them. You can acknowledge indigenous territory at the beginning of public religious events, or at the beginning of your private rituals. This practice will help you develop a deeper understanding of the history of your land, which can help deepen your connection to it as well as honoring its original inhabitants. A territory acknowledgement can be as simple as: “I acknowledge and honor this land, which is called [indigenous name of your area] and is home to the people of [indigenous nation].” Make sure you take the time to learn the correct pronunciation for these indigenous words. You can find out who originally lived in your area and what they called it by visiting native-land.ca.

Donate to conservation efforts. Instead of making physical offerings, make a donation to an environmentalist cause and dedicate it to your Spirits of Place. Look for groups that work in your local area, such as nonprofits dedicated to fighting deforestation and climate change, groups that protect rare and endangered native plants, or wildlife rehabilitation centers. Even volunteering at an animal shelter can be an appropriate offering to animal spirits.

Start a garden with native plants. Do some research into your local ecosystem — what plants are native to your area? Which of them are edible? Which of them have spiritual uses? Buy or forage seeds from these plants and start a 100% native garden. Growing and eating food that is native to your area can help deepen your connection to the land, the local plant spirits, and the cycle of the seasons.

Replace mainstream cleansing herbs with native plants. White sage, palo santo, frankincense, and sandalwood, some of the most popular cleansing herbs among modern pagans, are all endangered due to over-harvesting. Instead of buying endangered plants from far off lands, try to find a native plant you can use instead. If you’re lucky enough to live somewhere where rosemary or lavender is native, you’re in luck! If not, try researching some of the plants in your backyard — you might be surprised what you find. Most plants in the Salvia (sage) family can be burned as incense to cleanse and consecrate a space. This family includes over 1,000 species spread out over Europe, Asia, and the Americas. Many trees also have cleansing properties, especially coniferous trees like pine, cedar, and juniper. Find out what is abundant in your area and find ways to incorporate it into your rituals.

Go for a hike. While bringing the Spirits of Place into our homes can be deeply meaningful, it’s also important to get out there and meet them on their own terms. Try to make time to get out in nature, and be open to connecting with the spirits you find on these trips. You don’t have to go far — even hanging out in a backyard or city park can allow you to connect with the land.

Feed the birds. And the squirrels, and the deer, or whatever other critters you have. Now, I am not recommending approaching wild animals and trying to befriend them. I am also not recommending feeding animals people food. Nature often rests in a delicate balance, and directly feeding wild animals can make them dependent on humans, which could be dangerous for them. While feeding local animals can be an excellent offering, it’s important to do it in a way that is safe and non-instrusive. It’s best to leave food in a place you know is frequented by animals, then let them find it after you’ve gone. Bird feeders and squirrel feeders are a great way to do this.

Clean your house. One of the best ways to honor house spirits? Keep their living space clean! Try to keep your house tidy and be a good roommate to its spirits. Try not to let clutter pile up, and take time to sweep, mop, and dust every once in a while. You can even ask your house spirits to help you keep the house clean — just make sure you’re also doing your fair share of housework, or they may get upset about the unfair arrangement.

These “little gods” of places and objects are often forgotten, but they are an important part of daily pagan practice. While the gods rule over grand concepts and forces of nature, and the ancestors are tied to our family and community, the Spirits of Place make up the ground we stand on, the air we breathe, and the places we call home. Perhaps more than any other group of spirits, they are truly the gods of the everyday.

Resources:

Water Magic by Lilith Dorsey

Southern Cunning by Aaron Oberon

Simply Living Well by Julia Watkins

The Way of Fire and Ice by Ryan Smith

A Practical Heathen’s Guide to Asatru by Patricia M. Lafayllve

Where the Hawthorn Grows by Morgan Daimler

Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham

Temple of the Cosmos by Jeremy Naydler

[elentiyawhitethorn]

When Passion Rules the Game | Part One

CW: NSFW, language

AN: Prompt from this ask

Part Two//Masterlist//2751 words

There was a man watching Aelin.

Actually, there were quite a few men watching Aelin, but there was only one who caught her eye. He was tall, muscled, tattooed, silver-haired, and he looked like he wanted to eat her alive. He was the kind of guy that Aelin would end up begging for.

He knew she was eyeing him back, and he looked quite content to stay where he was, leaning against the wall near the bar. Aelin figured if she wanted him, she would have to go get him, and from the smirk on his face, he knew she was going to. Hell, there was no way she wasn’t going to.

Swaying her hips as she strutted across the crowded bar, heels clicking, she sauntered up to him. “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”

He smirked. “I’m new in town.”

Aelin placed a hand on her hip and said, “Well, I wouldn’t want to leave a new addition to the community feeling unwelcome.”

The man raised an eyebrow. “I would hope not. That would be awfully rude.”

Aelin laughed. “And what can I do to extend my hospitality?” She leaned closer, holding back a shiver at the man’s feral grin.

And so Aelin ended up being groped in the bathroom.

The door was locked, and Aelin couldn’t help but thank the gods for that as the man twisted a nipple through the fabric of her thin dress as she perched on the edge of the counter. She exhaled, trying not to moan, and spread her legs farther, inviting the man in. He gladly moved between her legs and kissed her dominantly. One of his hands remained on her breast, pulling it free from the dress.

He slid his tongue into Aelin’s mouth, squeezing her breast all the while, and she couldn’t stop herself from letting out a muffled groan into his mouth.

Aelin wanted more, but before she could ask for it, two fingers pushed aside her underwear and plunged in her entrance. She cried out into the man’s mouth, not expecting it, unaware his hand had been moving at all. He just kissed her harder and started pumping his fingers in her pussy, already dripping with arousal.

Aelin bucked her hips as best as she could on the counter, writhing in his grasp. He kept kissing her, taking what he wanted with his tongue, his teeth. The man finally let Aelin break the kiss and bury her head in his shoulder, overwhelmed by all the sensations.

He curled his fingers just so, and rubbed circles around her clit. A whimper left Aelin’s mouth.

“That’s it, baby. You’re doing so good for me.” His rough murmurs sent Aelin over the edge with a moan. She shook as he didn’t stop finger-fucking her.

Finally, the man let up. He pulled his fingers from Aelin’s entrance with a smirk, raising them to his lips. The satisfaction Aelin felt instantly transformed into lust once more as he inserted his fingers into his mouth and sucked her juices off of them. Holy Mala.

“What do you want me to do, sweetheart?” His voice was rough and hot as hell.

“Fuck me,” Aelin demanded breathlessly.

“What’s the magic word?” The smirk didn’t disappear from his face as he pinched her nipple.

Aelin bit her lip. “Please.”

“What was that?”

Fuck him. “Please,” Aelin begged, louder this time. “Please fuck me.”

He chuckled. Then he put his hands up the bottom of her dress, hooking his fingers around the waistband of her panties. Aelin put her palms flat on the counter to hold her weight as she helped him slide them down her legs.

She thought he would just discard them somewhere, but he said, “Open your mouth.”

Eyes widening, Aelin obeyed. He stuffed her panties in her mouth, and Aelin groaned as she tasted herself on the fabric.

Effectively gagged, Aelin watched as the man unbuckled his belt. He withdrew his length, and she groaned around her panties at the size of him.

His eyes darkened and he grabbed hold of Aelin’s thighs. Then he inserted his tip inside her entrance, and she bucked her hips, trying to get more of him inside her.

“Stop moving,” he commanded, and Aelin stilled obediently. She wanted to beg him to fill her up, but she couldn’t speak around the underwear stuffed in her mouth. It did nothing to muffle her moans, however; the man was teasing her and she was incredibly turned on. Aelin didn’t think either of them cared that they were in a public bathroom anymore.

He slid in slowly, only a couple inches. Then he pulled back out. Aelin whined pathetically, and he laughed at her. “Be patient, love.”

He repeated the teasing movements a few more times, leaving Aelin wet and wanting. Then, in one sudden and unexpected motion, he thrust inside Aelin all the way. She cried out and clenched her hands in his shirt, clutching at the material desperately.

He started moving slowly, allowing Aelin the luxury of feeling herself full before he pulled out and slammed back in. Then he really started fucking her.

Aelin held on to him tighter with every thrust. All sorts of noises from the back of her throat were falling from Aelin’s mouth, and she felt so fucking dirty thinking about how she was letting a stranger gag and fuck her.

It wasn’t long before he started panting, his thrusts becoming erratic. Aelin let go of him and moved her hand to her clit, rubbing furiously. Her other hand went to the neglected breast, pulling it free from her dress to knead it and play with her own nipple.

“Look at you, you little slut,” the man muttered, and Aelin groaned.

“You want to come, baby?” he asked.

Aelin nodded furiously.

He tightened his grip on Aelin’s thighs, sliding her right to the edge of the counter. Then he started moving once more. Every thrust was an earthquake, shaking Aelin’s world. It was all she could do to grab his shirt once more and cling to it and pray.

She knew she shouldn’t be doing this—it was only Monday, and there was work tomorrow. In fact, a new employee would be entering the office, and as a female boss, she would need to assert herself immediately, rather than wander around all day sipping multiple cups of coffee, exhausted as she surely would be after this. But Aelin couldn’t bring herself to care; not as the man fucked her harder than anyone had before, hitting that one spot in her that men seemed to have difficulty finding.

Aelin cried out around the makeshift gag and tried to spread her legs wider, craving another orgasm, desperate for the feeling of this man filling her up with his own come. He was still whispering dirty nothings to her, making it hard to remember her own name. With one final thrust, he buried himself inside of Aelin.

She came as he slid a hand over to her clit, pinching it far too hard for her to handle. Aelin felt a tear slide down her cheek as she tensed, her inner muscles clenching around his cock. The man hissed, holding her tight enough to leave a bruise as she came on his cock.

He pulled out with a wince, and Aelin was immediately stuck by how empty she felt without him inside of her.

“Such a good whore for me,” the man praised her, and Aelin whined. She could only imagine what she looked like: her scanty dress around her middle, with her breasts free and her dripping pussy on display. Her panties in her mouth. Gods, Aelin had a lunch date with her cousin tomorrow. How would she be able to look him in the eye after this? Aelin would have laughed at the thought if she could’ve.

He reached his hand up and tugged her panties free from Aelin’s mouth, drawing a gasp out of her mouth. Instead of giving them to her, he just inserted them in his pocket with a smirk.

Aelin closed her legs and slid off of the counter. Her legs were shaky enough that she would have fallen forward if the man didn’t catch her with a chuckle. “Careful, sweetheart.”

Aelin wanted to growl, but it was all she could do to stand up straight, still clutching his arm for support. She pulled the top of the dress over her breasts and did the same with the bottom, trying to find some modicum of modesty as he was fully dressed, his cock back in his pants.

Aelin glanced at the mirror, then decided she would be going straight home after this. There was no way anyone wouldn’t be able to tell what she had been up to, and she needed as much rest as she could get if she intended to be fresh for tomorrow.

She straightened her hair as best as she could, then let go of the man, flashing him a smirk. She started toward the bathroom door.

“Who said I was done with you?” a gravelly voice asked, dark with unabated desire. Apparently he wasn’t satisfied yet. Aelin froze.

“Why don’t you come back to my place, baby.” Not really a request.

Aelin wanted to, she sure as hell did, but work tomorrow. And yet… he was so hot and most certainly a good fuck. Aelin could only imagine what kind of experience being in his bed would turn into.

“Well?”

Aelin faced him once more. “Lead the way.”

—

He lived in an apartment, medium-sized and a bit bland. There were boxes on the floor and all the walls were bare; Aelin supposed he hadn’t finished unpacking yet.

He pulled Aelin roughly inside, and she started to wonder just what she had gotten into. Once the man locked the door, all the distance they had maintained on the way here vanished. One moment, the pair gazed darkly at each other, the next, they were making out furiously.

The man—damn it, Aelin needed to get his name—slid his hands down the her thighs, and Aelin took the hint, wrapping her legs around his waist as he lifted her up. He carried Aelin down the hall and into a bedroom. Then he set her gently on the bed, a vast contrast to his previous touches, before he flipped on a lamp and turned to her.

“Strip.”

Aelin shivered. Still, she couldn’t help but say, “I’ll strip if you strip,” sass evident in her tone.

He frowned. “What did I just tell you, darling?”

Aelin restrained herself from obeying him. “What did I just say to you?” She was playing a dangerous game, but she couldn’t help but want to know what getting on this man’s bad side felt like.

“You’re just begging me to punish you, aren’t you?” He crossed his arms amusedly.

“What if I am?” Aelin sprawled back on his bed, kicking her heels onto the floor.

A dangerous smirk was all Aelin got in warning before he lunged at her, flipping her onto her stomach and bringing his hand down on her ass. Aelin groaned in pleasure, the sweet pain of the motion making her wet once more.

He pulled her dress up enough to expose her ass, giving himself better access. He still had her underwear, so now her ass was bare to him.

The man brought him hand down once more, and Aelin cried out. She clenched her fingers in the sheets.

“Do you enjoy that? Do you like being spanked like the bad girl you are?”

Aelin moaned. “Please.”

“Please what?” He brought spanked her again, harder. Much harder.

“Please,” Aelin repeated, not even sure what she was begging for.

She could feel the cruel smile on his face as she slapped her again, drawing a noise from the back of her throat. “Spread your legs.”

Aelin complied, spreading them as much as she could face-down, clinging to the sheets.

She found out what he wanted to do when he slapped her now-exposed pussy. She whimpered. The sting on such a sensitive area was exquisite.

He repeated the motion, and Aelin screamed. His fingers had slapped against her clit, leaving her a shaking mess on the bed.

“Turn back over,” he instructed.

Aelin could barely move, but she didn’t dare disobey. She maneuvered around onto her back once more, rolling awkwardly.

“Now fucking strip, you little bitch.”

With shaky hands, all of the fight drained from her body—or spanked from her body more like—Aelin pulled her dress over her body. This wasn’t a sexy striptease; it was a desperate, messy need to obey.

“Good girl. That wasn’t so hard, was it? Maybe I should let you come again, since you’re being so good for me.”

Aelin nodded eagerly. “Yes, please.”

He chuckled. “Get closer to the headboard.”

Trembling with lust and absolutely remorseless about the fact that she would be napping during work tomorrow, Aelin moved farther up the bed. He didn’t join her immediately, instead opting to grab something off of his dresser. Rope. Looks like he’d had time to unpack the essentials, at least. Aelin would have snorted if she wasn’t so turned on.

The man moved around the bed and Aelin put her hands above her head. With another praise, he fastened them to the headboard. An experimental tug had Aelin groaning with the knowledge that she couldn’t get out, completely at his mercy.

Then he climbed onto the bed. He spread Aelin’s legs, holding each one down with his calloused hands. Aelin knew what was coming, but she couldn’t stop the feral groan that tore from her lips as he licked a stripe up her sex. He repeated the motion, brutally licking the length of her, getting faster as he moved over and over again.

Aelin was writhing, thrashing under his grip, struggling against the binds. But it was all to no avail; she couldn’t move. She couldn’t do anything except let him devour her. He lapped up her juices, tasting every drop of her.

Broken moan after hoarse cry left Aelin’s mouth, the desperation of the sounds heightening as he inserted his tongue in Aelin’s entrance. She bucked her hips uselessly as he worked her. When the man turned his attention to her clit, Aelin knew she was done for.

He made eye contact with her as he teasingly traced a circle around the delicate bud with his tongue. Aelin whimpered, and the noise had him smirking once again. Slowly, he placed his lips over Aelin’s clit—and then he sucked. Aelin yelled as her orgasm crested, dragging her into the land of hazy pleasure.

When she returned somewhat to reality, Aelin became aware of her hands being free and someone tracing her body with their lips, leaving gentle kisses. She sighed and glanced over to see the man beside her, his arm encircling her body.

“You good, sweetheart?”

Aelin hummed. “Yeah. That was fun.” She had hardly had anything to drink at the bar, but pure pleasure and exhaustion had Aelin slurring her words.

The man grinned. “Maybe we could do that again sometime?”

Aelin was tempted, but—“Sorry. I don’t do more than one night stands. Gods forbid someone gets attached.”

This was a lie. The truth of the matter was that, being the CEO of a multi-million dollar company, Aelin didn’t want anyone who she had allowed to fuck her senseless recognizing her. It was usually easy to hide, as most of the men she went home with were either drunk or too busy staring at her boobs. Not to mention her public image was of a put-together, well-dressed, determined, strong young woman that was unlikely to be confused with the woman who wore slutty dresses and frequented bars, but she took no chances. Even though she almost couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing this man again.

He looked like he was debating whether or not to argue, but he seemed to respect her decision and kept his mouth shut.

“I need to go,” Aelin muttered, feeling drowsy.

“Stay here,” he said, holding her tighter. “You’re so warm.”

Aelin sighed and snuggled closer to him. Why had she wanted to leave again? Maybe she had something to do tomorrow? Nothing was coming to mind. It would probably be okay if Aelin fell asleep here, right?

She shifted into a more comfortable position and murmured her agreement. The she fell asleep.

———

Tag List:

@aelin-bitch-queen

@evolving-dreamer

@feysand-loml

@flora-shadowshine

@gracie-rosee

@infernoqueen19

@julemmaes

@lemonade-coolattas

@live-the-fangirl-life

@midsizewitch

@morganofthewildfire

@realbookloverproblems

@rhysandswingspan

@sexy-dumpster-fire

@sleeping-and-books

@story-scribbler

@swankii-art-teacher

@thenerdandfandoms

@yesdreamblog

[the-empress-7]

Not seen this mentioned so far on any of the forums I've read (since Jason's statement was made public) .. Re the equation shared between MM and Jason.

Telegraph article says Jason and Harry were close. Which shows. But it's interesting that MM seems to be very close to Jason as well. The messages are very long, they are texts as opposed to just emails. She shared her feelings - that bit 'relief, cathartic post writing the article' ... Explaining how she planned the letter, ending each page with half sentence, calling "daddy" etc etc).. that's too much explanation. Like she is looking to be praised for putting in the effort, and at the same time it's a damsel in distress act. Jason also asks, twice, if she's ok.

Normally, one would expect a celebration to be that comfortable with their PA or secretary (Sam Cohen, Amy). But Jason is joint comms head. Now, my theory (I know he is gay and married, but I still believe this) :

- She is trying to love bomb him. Appoint him as the knight in shining armour to her damsel in distress. The " no one else understands me like you do, because you are also an American and an outsider".

- She honed in on him because he is a man and her tricks only ever on work on men (even if he is gay).

- she seems to be implying that they are more than just employee/employer. They are friends. So, he is expected to go above and beyond his job description (even that what he seems to be is part of his job). She makes him feel like what he is doing for her is Noble, out of the goodness of his heart. Thus implying that SHE is special and needs to be rescued.

- she shares her frustration at H's family with him. Why?? That's so unprofessional! And implies that THAT is the reason she wrote the letter. As opposed to the fact that it was her father, and her decision to ghost him that was causing this problem. She just ignores that fact she is the only one who is in the position to solve this (her) personal issue. While dismissing all the other, rather logical, advice that his family and her team is giving her. What a witch!

- I feel like it is ingrained in her, this damsel in distress, poor little rich girl act. She projects a chill, easy go lucky image and them ensnares you into her act. That 'behind the scenes, I'm actually so helpless and all these things just happen around me and I don't know what to do' guilible engenue. There are a lot of women like this (it's a fact, not a misogynistic comment).

- lastly, I think the realization that she may have actually taken advantage of him and pulled this manipulation on him may have also played a role in his decision. Even if he says his statement is from a strictly neutral perspective. I mean, can you imagine Catherine having this same conversation with Jason - "I'll call him daddy so I can pull at his heartstrings". That would be unprofessional.

- I think at that time, Jason may have sensed that she was being over friendly with him, but because of her too sweet act he couldn't reduse some of the more unusual asks. At the same time she was being a complete wench and a nightmare with her female staff. Namely, her personal assistant, her secretary. But maintaining a closer relationship with a communication advisor. Hmm... Shady!

You have made some really thought provoking points. I have managed teams for many years now, and I have never communicated with any of my direct reports with such intimacy.

[unholyplumpprincess]

Speak Up

A commission for @mintocchi ! Thank you so very much for your patience while I moved everything around :D

Summary: You and Crypto have been in a relationship for awhile now, and he's still got issues when trying to speak up for things that he wants. You always try to get him to voice his opinions and concerns, and somehow this leads to training him how via the bedroom. Or! In which Crypto needs to learn to stop being an actions over words guy or else you'll make him beg over and over again for what he wants.

Reblogs > Likes. Please Reblog if you hit Like :D

!!!Minors and ageless blogs dni or you will be blocked!!!

Fandom: Apex Legends

Relationship: Crypto/Reader

Warnings: R18+/NSFT, Reader is gender neutral and written with a vulva, they were originally supposed to be a cis gal but there’s no real language depicting them as strictly a gal!, Denial and forcing Crypto to beg and use his big boy words, P tame kink wise!

Words: 5k

___________________

Starstruck. 

That’s how you had first felt when you had met Crypto. 

You were a new camera operator on the set of the Apex games, someone who got all the good angles and made sure the drone cameras could really catch all the action. You’d met him the same season he’d been introduced, noting how he’d been cold and disregarding, yet appeared confident in himself. But his eyes, they’d been so...paranoid. Especially when you approached to introduce yourself as one of the camera operators. 

He’d regarded you with a short, quick nod. Odd, you’d thought. But that had quickly vanished when Elliott had taken you aside and chatted you up, an arm slung around your shoulder and a grin on his face. “Hey, don’t mind the kid, probably still jet lagged, dropships, bein’ legends and all- anyway sooooo I hear you operate those cameras now, huh? Make sure you get all my good angles- not that any of them are bad, just, you know, keep that attention on the money maker you feel me? The money maker being me, of course-” 

~Rest under the cut~

“Mirage.” Crypto’s voice had cut in between you two, watching as you both had turned and you could note his irritated look at Elliott before a much more apologetic one was glanced your way. “Apologies. He does not understand personal boundaries-” 

Elliott feigns a dramatic gasp, cutting Crypto off with his free hand against his own chest as if wounded. 

You stifle your laugh when Elliott keeps up the act, sputtering before pointing at Crypto accusingly. “Woah, woah, woah, I’ll have you know that I know this lovely thing. Used to be the tech head up iiiiiiin- audio, right?” He turns towards you after that, squeezing his arm around your shoulders in a friendly way as you beam at being remembered. 

“That’s right! I was actually hoping to speak to you, Crypto,” You gesture at him, noting Crypto’s light surprise of raised eyebrows before confusion and worry passes his features. Quick to overthink, huh? 

You’re quick to follow up to ease his possible fears. “N-not! Not as an employee, I mean, I just- your, uh, your drone. They kinda remind me of an old camera used back in the day and I was wondering if you had any tips or tricks I might be able to pick up on?” 

That’s what started the relationship in the first place. Crypto, that day, had offered merely a one shouldered shrug, but after Mirage giving him a look and whining to him like a puppy, he’d agreed. Resulting in you having your own private session with him as he helped you learn a few tips. You were already trained in operating the newer models, but having a few pointers never hurt. 

The entire time he’d asked questions about you, it almost felt like he was interrogating you rather than trying to start up curious small talk. But, to ease any fears he might have had about you having ulterior motives, you answered as honestly as possible to each one. Judging by his more paranoid nature, you didn’t ask any in turn for fear of him shying away. 

The least you wanted to do was make Crypto feel as though you were untrustworthy. 

As you two grew closer, the more relaxed he became around you. No more tips were to be given, so that excuse flew out the window, so you’d offered hang outs. It took a few tries until he finally mumbled he’d feel more comfortable in his room, which is where you two ended up being and you learned he had a sweet little cat named Isabella-Marie. 

You had smiled at her name, asking where he got the idea from, and he’d smiled softly- almost sadly when he’d said she was his sister’s cat he took in, but no more information. Said cat took to you nicely, and just as she had, Crypto started warming up to you as well. 

It was a slow, slow process. You took your time with him and learned that the personality he put on was nothing but a front. Something to keep more hidden. In private, he’s so soft, almost shy in his approach to you. He’s still got his sarcastic tongue, but he’s more playful when in private with you. Much like a cat. You see him opening up the slightest bit to people he’s starting to enjoy too- Elliott and Natalie both seem to have won some sort of favor with him. 

That friendship slowly worked its way into romantic. 

The first time you kissed him is with your hand cupping his cheek and his cheeks flushed red as his dark eyes flickered to your lips multiple times until you took initiative. It took a bit of coaxing to even get him to rest his hands on your waist, but once that had happened, it’s like he’d been so touch starved all his life. Clinging to you and sighing into your mouth as if he’d just sunken into bed after a long day. 

His need for touch didn’t surprise you considering when you offered hugs and snuggles that he’d melt into you and cling to you so tightly. Your height difference, with you being much shorter, made that kind of funny when he’d lean down to bury his face in your neck and you’d stand on your tiptoes to make it easier. All within a private setting- outside of these rooms, you were both strictly professional. 

Crypto’s name had been revealed to you not long after. Tae Joon Park. You both agreed that if you used it frequently that you might yell it in public, so it was reserved for more intimate moments or serious when you two were alone. You were mindful about switching his name, so you kept to using ‘Crypto’ in your head to ensure you wouldn’t fuck it up. 

Though, it never failed to delight you in hearing him sigh fondly when you’d mumble his name by his ear after a sweet kiss. 

Dates were more reserved for the bedrooms as well. You never minded that either, but sometimes on rare occasions, he’d don a mask and a hood so you two could go out. You could only imagine the type of anxiety those outings brought, but it always warmed your heart that he was willing to take a breath and push himself out to do these things for you. In turn, you would spend the nights with him, with his head on your chest and his arms squeezing around your middle. 

Crypto, you quickly find however, is really bad at vocalizing his desires. 

He’s a man of action, hardly using his words and if he did it was one worded or quick. You’ve been trying to help him on communication skills for both your sakes, but it’s more difficult on him. It doesn’t help that he’s quiet either, so sneaking up behind you to snake his arms around you normally results in you jumping and making a squeak sound. 

But it also meant that for more...bedroom activities, that he would use actions. You always knew when he wanted something, you weren’t blind to it, you just wanted to make 100% sure of what he wanted. Normally resulting in you straddling his lap, a hand around his neck and speaking low for him to tell you what he wanted. 

Crypto always got the cutest face anytime you took the reins and control. A healthy flush over his cheeks, his breathing heavier and his eyes pleading, but his mouth refusing. 

 Stubborn was a good way to put it. How his eyebrows would furrow and he’d whimper and buck his hips up, but not tell you what he wanted. It took a lot of trial and error to even get him to utter ‘please’ at times. Your poor baby. 

You especially found you liked teasing him. Learning quick that he liked nicknames like ‘Good boy’ and ‘Baby boy’. You enjoyed edging him, tying him up or even just making him cling to the sheets or his own hair as his hips humped the air and he sobbed without begging for you. Always trying so hard to convey in his body language what he wanted you to do. 

You found yourself mesmerized by his desperation at a lot of times. Where Crypto’s kiss flushed lips would part, his eyebrows knitted and his eyes frantic on you. His own hands gripping his hair to follow instructions on not to touch you as his hips thrust into the air and made his thick cock bob. 

Sometimes you wondered if he could cum just by humping the air alone. 

Another time, you’d always tell yourself, always so eager to hear that final sobbed out word of ‘Please’ before you would swing your legs over him and ride him hard and fast. Normally fit with cruel croons about what a sweet, pathetic little thing he looked like. Your very good boy. 

That’s what you were thinking of now as you sat on the couch in his quarters, waiting for him to return from his match in the arena. 

Isabella-Marie is happily purring in your lap as your hand strokes through her soft, strawberry blonde fur. You’ve set up there with a blanket over your lap that she’s kneading happily, the match Crypto had been in having ended about an hour ago. You could tell he was struggling, too much talking around him that was reflecting in his steps. 

He’d been in a team with Mirage and Wattson, both people you knew he liked being around, but unfortunately, they kept striking up conversation. Leading to Crypto being off his rhythm. But it was nice to hear him breathe out in amusement at their antics sometimes, caught on the audio feed with the announcers crooning about how it looked like he made some friends finally. 

They at least made it to the top three. Fighting valiantly to maintain their location on World’s Edge in the city. Mirage had gotten cocky when they’d knocked two of the opposite team, going up to finish them off and ending up with a shotgun in the back and a cracking snarl in the sky of Bloodhound. 

The rest is history. But, at least you knew Bloodhound wouldn’t be the type to gloat and act cocky if they caught Crypto- at least out loud. You’re glad it was them rather than Caustic. Bad blood ran deep between them, not to mention Natalie struggling herself with it all. You were glad her and Crypto could solve whatever issue it was that ran between them- one that not even you were aware of. 

Security and secrecy, Crypto had told you with apology in his eyes. You understood, some things were best kept secret. Especially in case you accidentally got caught up in a mess, you could genuinely say you had no idea what was happening in all the legends’ lives. 

The beep of the door being unlocked makes Isabella-Marie awaken, doing a stretch across your lap before she chirps and hurries to the door to greet Crypto. She curls around his feet as he removes his shoes at the door before entering any further into the room in the rest of his gear. 

“Hello, sweetheart,” You hear him tiredly coo downwards, hearing Isabella-Marie's delighted chirp as she’s scooped up, quickly followed by her loud motor engine of a purr. 

You slide off the couch, dressed in your lounging outfit of soft black sweatpants covered with cliché little green alien heads and a loose gray sweater with a green Apex symbol over the right breast, the collar falling off your shoulders. Crypto looks worse for wear, his eyes are tired and he’s got dirt smudged on his cheek and smells heavy of sweat. Not that Isabella-Marie minds. Nor you. 

“Hey,” You greet him, a smile on your face as his eyes rest on you whilst his cat presses her cheek in insistent strokes against his chin, cradled in his arms. 

“Hey,” He murmurs back to you, adjusting Isabella-Marie in his arms when you reach for him. Despite his tired expression, his cheeks flush when he leans down and to the side for you to cup his cheeks and peck a kiss on his lips in greeting. 

“You need a shower. You go wash up and I’ll order dinner.” You tell him, offering your arms out for Isabella-Marie to be transferred to your arms in all her purring glory. “What were you thinking tonight?” 

“Mmh.” Is his only reply, leaning down to rest his cheek on the top of your head in a small nuzzle. Affectionate boy. You laugh a bit, gently nudging him with your hip as Isabella-Marie jumps out of your arms. Giving you time to hook your arms around his waist and shove your hands into his back pockets under his jacket to draw him close and make him blush. 

“Tae Jooooon,” You tease his name, enjoying how he hums low in his throat in response and turning his head to press his lips against the top of your head in a kiss. “We’ve talked about this. You can’t go your whole life being a one worded man.” 

“Mmh.” He responds again, this time with a smile that you feel. 

You shove at him playfully to shoo him off for the shower, calling out after his back when he goes dutifully towards the bathroom. “Fine! But if you don’t like what I picked because you didn’t give any options, I don’t wanna hear you complain!” 

Not that he ever did complain. If he was picky this would be a bigger concern. But thankfully you two seemed to be on the same page a lot of times, especially when it came to food. 

The food you order is Chinese takeout, getting here just in time for when Crypto emerges from his long shower looking a lot more awake and less grouchy. He’s dressed in his thick framed glasses, his normally slicked back hair nice and slick, some black sweatpants and a loose white crop-top, something you appreciate very greatly to be able to see his fit frame. 

Like a nerdy jock. 

You show your enjoyment when you wrap your arms around him from behind when he goes to look at what you got for dinner. Running your nails up his exposed beauty-marked, warm skin on his abdomen to feel him squirm and lean back against you with this flustered huff falling from his lips. 

Eventually you two make it to the couch where you have dinner and watch one of the K-dramas he liked to indulge in. Sometimes Crypto will pause it to explain a verbal pun that wasn’t caught via the subtitles for you, something that always makes you smile and appreciate when he takes the time to pause and explain for you. 

Though you’re sure he doesn’t appreciate when you wait for his most distracted point in time to steal a piece of his food and shove it in your mouth too quickly for him to stop you. Resulting in him poking at you until you squeal from being tickled and he can take a piece off your food in retaliation as you whine at him after. 

Domestic. That’s the best way you could describe yours and Crypto’s relationship. 

Home. 

After dinner is put away and teeth are brushed, you two settle back onto the couch. You curl up on the corner, Crypto following you to cuddle up to your side. His cheek rests against your shoulder, kind of tilting his body into you as you rest your arm behind him, your hand resting on his nape to slide up to pet at the shaved portion of his head. Another hum from him of appreciation, but not verbalizing his like of it. 

Crypto softly adjusts, but you take it as nothing more than him getting closer to you with the soft sound of the TV in front of you. You’ve got your phone in your lap to play a puzzle game while he watches his show, very much like a cat as he rubs his cheek against your shoulder affectionately. 

Another squirm, another adjustment is felt after a moment of him pressing his thigh to yours. You take it as him wanting to be closer, only sliding your fingers higher along his scalp to the coarse hair atop his head to lightly scratch at the root like he likes. 

You don’t notice his mouth starting to part, quickly cut off with the ringing of your phone and you groaning aloud. “Really? Right now?” Before you’re answering it with a polite ‘Hello?’ that makes Crypto snort at your tone change. 

He watches as you chat, watching your lips move and hearing you discuss footage and what your boss must have wanted you to edit or someone else. He’s not really paying attention when you’re still petting his hair. He tries to nudge closer to you, near flush with your side as his hand now rests on your thigh, hoping to catch your attention. You only offer him a quick smile before returning back to your conversation. 

After five minutes, it’s clear this isn’t going to be a short call either. 

A sigh is heard from Crypto before he’s leaning up to start pecking soft, brushing kisses on your neck. Your head tilts for him, only a light flutter of your lashes as you go ‘Mmhm yeah’ to whoever you are on the phone with. Your nails press lightly at his scalp, letting him know you feel him as his teeth lightly nip at your neck like you like. 

You’re damned good at keeping your composure verbally, and now Crypto’s beginning to wonder if you’ve ever done anything on the phone with him without his knowledge. Even the mental image of you spread out and touching yourself while on the phone near making him whine, something he swallows down. 

You clearly can feel him and see him. You offer a little smile when he peeks up at you, catching your gaze. Emboldened by you sparing even a little attention to him, his hand slides down to your wrist in hopes you’ll catch up to what he’s saying. Gently drawing it to his thigh and towards his inner thigh. And yet, you still chat on the phone, but now you’re squeezing and massaging his thigh, your pinkie lightly skimming over his crotch and making Crypto’s breath hitch against your shoulder. 

His brows are furrowed, looking ever so frustrated as you now purposefully lengthen the conversation out by bringing back a point from the last game played. Crypto’s head tips lightly up to you, his eyes pleading with you when your knuckles brush over the bulge in his sweatpants. 

Your eyes meet his and you quirk a brow with a light smirk on your face. Your eyes say enough for him, you’re sure, judging by how his face flushes and his brows furrow once again. You can see and feel how he squirms, realizing he’s not going to get anything until he uses his words. 

He’s stubborn. He’s always so stubborn. Squirming in his place and getting more frustrated as you keep chatting. Only after three minutes does he finally give in when he realizes this isn’t going to work and you’re only going to keep teasing him through his pants. 

“Please?” He all but whispers, his mouth felt quivering on your bare shoulder and his hot breath felt in a shaky exhale. “Please touch me, please?” 

You smirk. 

“Oh! Hey, boss, looks like I’ll have to chat with you tomorrow morning about that- uhuh, yeah, yeah, getting,” -You pause there to let out a feigned yawn- “Oof, yeah, getting real tired....uhuh, yeah, sounds good! Buh-bye.” Before you’re ending the call and practically pouncing on him. 

You end up in his lap, straddling him and cupping his cheeks, brushing some of his hair from his face before you lean in to kiss him. Crypto’s hands find your waist, hovering at first before gripping you when you lick into his mouth after biting his lip to make him gasp. 

You sit up higher to press him back into the couch, letting your hands slide into his hair for him to tip his head back when you pull at it. His moan is low and vibrates his chest when your tongue licks over his own, feeling his hips jerk lightly up and against your ass needily. 

“I like when you beg,” You breathe as you part from the kiss, moving the kisses down his jawline and towards his ear where you lightly nip. “Do it again for me?” 

“Nnh-” Is the only response he manages at first, his fingers shaking as they slide down to grip your hips when you start grinding across his lap. Back and forth to your own rhythm and feeling just how hard he is. Bless whoever made sweatpants. 

Crypto’s so cute when you pull back to look at him. Where his head is tipped back and to the side, his lips parted and letting out ragged breaths with each drag of your hips across his lap. How his brows knit together when you grind low and slow downwards to catch his attention and his mouth falls closed to hiss. 

But. He still wasn’t speaking. 

“Be a good boy and tell me what you want, hm?” You try to encourage him, letting your hands fall down to his exposed abdomen to slide your hands up and under his crop top. Slipping your hands over his chest to thumb at his sensitive nipples, gently pinching and rolling them. Crypto whimpers sharply, his head rolling to the opposite side and looking more stubborn by the second as he strains to come up with words. 

“I-I-” His voice comes out in a whine, framed by how his lips quiver and his blunt nails cling to your hips when you stop grinding to encourage him further. “I...I want your mouth. On- o-on my cock. Please?”  

“Awww, baby, when you look that cute? I’d do just about anything for you.” 

You move down his body, kissing your way down until you can slink in between his knees onto the floor. You waste no time in hooking your fingers under his sweatpants, your mouth watering as you follow his happy trail downwards as it gets more exposed. You tug them completely off with his underwear, watching his thick cock bounce with a satisfying bob and a drool of pre-cum from the flushed head peaking from foreskin. 

Crypto covers his face with his hands to hide his burning red flush that edges down to his chest when you hum at him approvingly. But, judging by how his cock throbs, you already know that as he likes being watched and praised without words. 

You take your sweet time kissing up his length and down his balls, letting your tongue run over the sensitive skin. Your hand holds the base, stroking downwards to pull back his foreskin, mouthing at the flushed head and letting your tongue slide against the slit in teasing dips until a whimper falls from his lips. 

You tease him like this for a good enough amount of time before you even take him into your mouth fully. Suckling and bobbing your head, your free hand holding his hip to squeeze to remind him to keep his hips down when he starts trying to hump upwards into your mouth. 

Anytime you feel how his cock jerks and you hear his breathing quicken; You stop. Pulling your mouth off to kiss at his hips and thighs instead. Squeezing on his legs soothingly and rubbing at his skin when Crypto whines and rolls his hips up with not a single word peeping from his lips. Even if now his arm is thrown over his forehead, able to see how he peeks open one eye to look down at you pleadingly. 

You smile up at him each time before you take him in again. Suckling, licking, your nails sliding down his thigh until your hand can cup his balls and lightly squeeze. And each time you feel him get close, you pull back. The same bite of pain of your nails on his skin, same edging, the same denial even as pre-cum spills from his cock and it mixes with your drool to connect you with a sliver that makes him near sob when he sees you. 

You know he liked it messy. Liked seeing the mess you could make. 

The mess you could make of him. 

You’re about to remind him that he needs to use his big boy words if he wants to get anywhere tonight. But, seems Crypto gets the memo when he starts pleading. 

“Let me cum inside you, please, please, please- please let me cum i-inside you, please, I’ll be good-”  His voice is breathy, a high whimper as his hips try to fuck up into the loose grip you have on his shaft. He just looks so pathetic for you right now. Just a teary, drooly, humpy mess. 

You like how desperate looks on him. 

“Mmmhhh, I dunno, baby,” You let your voice elongate your words, your breath fanning across his sensitive skin and causing his dick to jerk, lightly tapping your lower lip and making you smile. “You look awfully cute. Can’t you hold it a bit longer? C’mon, you can be my good boy and hold it, can’t you?” 

Each end of your questions is punctuated with a drag of your lips across his cock, letting him feel how you murmur across his reddened skin. 

Crypto sobs out again, his body jerking in sensitivity as both his hands come back up to hide his red face and teary eyes. His nod allows you to continue, continuing your teasing kisses and licks. Making sure to bite pain into his thighs to cause his mind to either associate the pain with pleasure or to back off his pleasure. Judging by the way he sobs out and twitches each time you scratch or bite him, you’re guessing it’s your prior guess. 

“Please, please, please-” Crypto starts to sob when you deny him again, his cock jerking heavily and spilling pre-cum on his lower abdomen. His hands have fallen to grip the couch as best as he can, his teary gaze looking down at you and his lips quivering with his shaky breaths. So cute. “Please, I-I cannot take it anymore, please, please let me cum in you, I want to cum in you-” 

You’ll give him credit. This is the most he’s ever spoken during sex, let alone been so clear in his needs and desires. Something you’ll praise him for later. For now, you smile up at him, wiping your mouth off on the back of your hand before standing to wriggle out of your lounge clothing.  

Crypto’s quick to help you, hooking fingers in your sweater to help you out of it. It’s fit with your laughter as you nearly fall on him, lots of giggling when his mouth presses a kiss to your abdomen when you get halfway stuck through your sweater and pants. “Tae Joon-” You laugh out his name when you feel him smile against your abdomen, “C’mon, lil help here?” 

Eventually you escape your clothing prison, able to set the mood again when your straddle his lap. You’re plenty wet enough, but you still take the time to tease him a bit more by reaching down to stretch yourself while hovering over his cock. You feel flustered as he watches you, sitting under you and looking up at you with such love in his eyes while you make soft sounds yourself. 

It takes a few tries to line up correctly, but soon you’re bouncing your hips on him with your fingers in his hair and your mouth on his neck. He always sounds so pretty the way he cries out, clinging to your hips at first before his arms wind around you to hug you to his trembling frame. You pepper kisses all over his face, cupping his cheeks adoringly as you rest your foreheads together. 

He cums rather quickly, clinging so hard to you as his hips frantically hump up against you. He ends up accidentally holding you still so he can thrust up into you, resulting in you clinging to him in turn with your lips parted and murmuring praise as he fucks you through his orgasm. He’s swearing in his mother tongue, something you can only catch bits and pieces of. 

When Crypto’s done cumming, one of his hands quickly goes down to between both your bodies to rub at your clit as you hump against his cock still lodged inside you. He finds your lips to capture when you whimper out his name when you begin to cum, your nails biting into his shoulders as he rubs you through it. 

By the time you’re both satisfied, you slump against his frame, burying your face into his neck as your sweaty bodies press together on the couch, still connected. 

When both of your breathing settles, he presses a kiss to the top of your head, nuzzling himself there as his hands slide up and down your sides. You smile softly, adjusting your hips a bit and laughing a bit when he grunts in this little oversensitive way. 

When you lift your head to meet his gaze, you smile a bit brighter, gently bumping your noses together. “Hey,” 

“Hey,” He murmurs back just as fondly. 

“You need a shower.”  

He smiles when he realizes you’re replaying your interaction from earlier that day, reaching up to brush your frazzled hair from your face. “Mmh.” 

“You need a shower with me?” 

“Mmh.” He repeats, moving to rest his cheek atop your head as you laugh at him when you feel his chest shake with a quiet laugh in turn. 

“Alright fine. Guess I’ll be getting a shower first and you’ll be left out here with your dick out and cold-” 

That gets him. Pushing you off him and to the couch with a yelp from you as you fall gracelessly on your side and gasp as he takes off towards the shower and you quickly following after him with a playful swat to his ass when you catch up. 

Yeah. You would say your guys’ relationship was domestic. 

[shredmytapestry]

FINLEY PIERCE ( THEY/SHE ) is a NON-BINARY, TWENTY SEVEN year old DRIFTWOOD BOOKS EMPLOYEE who has been living in Moorbrooke for TWO WEEKS. They were born on JUNE 23rd and right now, they are currently residing in OAKLEY COURT. It has been said that they look suspiciously like FLORENCE PUGH and if they had to choose a song to describe themselves, they would choose STATE OF GRACE (ACOUSTIC VERSION) by TAYLOR SWIFT.

STATS.

full  name:  finley pierce nicknames: fin, pierce age: twenty-five faceclaim: florence pugh birthday: june 23, 1996 zodiac: gemini gender: non-binary pronouns: they/she sexual  orientation: bisexual birthplace: chicago, illinois  occupation: - location: oakley court, moorbrooke

BIOGRAPHY.

finley pierce was the second born of the pierce family, and her upbringing was fairly decent to the public’s eye. all around, they were a kind family who gave to charity and maintained a social status within the community. finley wore nice clothes, she was the epitome of femininity (barf) because to her mother, they were nothing but a doll. someone to dress up and make her live out all the dreams her mother could never achieve. their father largely ignored them growing up, and only did the fatherly threatening of the partner when their mother asked. 

despite the controlling parents, finely did not hate being home. their saving grace was always their brother, grayson, who would do anything for her. they knew this and definitely used it to their advantage to get away with certain pranks but they were always honest with grayson. they received different treatments form their parents, but the siblings understood each other. the saddest day of finley’s life was when grayson left home. 

suddenly her father wanted to be more involved into what a proper young lady should be acting like... ignoring the fact that it was the 21st century not the 4th!!! the pressure from both parents was a lot to endure and finley tried their best. they aced their way through high school and accepted a full ride to harvard law school. what? like it’s hard??? not for finley! especially not because their father went there and put in a good word. 

it wasn’t until she graduated high school when she realised.. law was fucking boring and not at all what they wanted to do! they wanted to travel and see the world and for the first time have no order. so they left home (without telling anyone) and caught the first plane out of chicago, and out of the states. 

they landed in europe and worked odd jobs, did all the adventures they could from skydiving to rock climbing to scuba diving. they were free! they could act however they wanted, break all of the stupid gendered norms that were shoved down their throats. they came to term with saying a big fuck you to gender and came out as non-binary. they fell in love, got their heart broken and kept going. 

eventually at the age of 26 finley made their way to australia. they followed a partner there and they made a plan to do this super tough hike that i’m too lazy to research like imagine v deadly kinda vibes ~~~ they had prepared for months when they embarked on this four month long journey with a group of seven people. they trekked the desert completely off the grid and four months later... no one emerged. not one person from that trip. they were all declared dead when the authorities searched the area and found nothing. 

well, finley had survived and they ran as far away as they could. they ran back to the states, where this news couldn’t follow. they’d received a postcard from moorbrooke from their brother so here is where they landed. 

they still won’t talk about the trip and it was something they’re still recovering from. right now they’re working at driftwood books and living at an apartment with some roommates (wc) in oakley court. 

CONNECTIONS.

roommates -- a couple of people who share an apartment in oakley court, they can be friends too! rent’s gotta be cheap and finley sleeps on an air mattress while they try to save money for furniture.  

coworkers -- anyone else who works at driftwood books 

[ink-and-flame]

Kinktober Day 2: The Scarlet Eclipse - Initiation

Kinktober Day 2 Prompts: Nipple Play ~ Tickling ~ Immobilization

Fandom: Original (Auchendale Archives)

Tags: Exophilia, nipple play, bondage, immobilization, tickling

Pairing: Human(F)/??(M), Reader(f)/Lucien

[Author’s Note: Someone told me they were quite fond of Lucien, so I thought I would give him a solo story and make it a Reader story as best I could.] 

You were new to Auchendale, drawn to it for the unique way the city had been built and how it thrived. Integration, unity, a strange sense of community. Yes all cities had some level of a mixing of races, but here it was different. Every building, every business, each home or structure meant for habitation, they were built with diversity in mind. There was no standard, each race, each size, would find some place they could fit in. 

No buildings or businesses had racial exclusions, in Auchendale it simply was not allowed. It was that diversity that drew you in, caught your interest, but it was the beauty of Auchendale that made you fall in love with it. A strange yet functional blend of modern convenience and nature coexisted to make one of the most unique cities in the world.

Wanting a new and unique experience you chose to move into one of the neighborhoods where the homes were built into the natural features of the hillsides and trees. You couldn’t afford a large space, but a nice tree dwelling had been up for sale. It was simple, cozy, just big enough for you and all your belongings, with a little extra space that helped you feel less cramped. 

The natural shade of the tree helped keep you cool in the heat of the summer, and it was equipped with modern conveniences such as electricity. Solar powered of course, which was nice because you needed to keep your bills down. Everything about your cozy little home made you happy.

However, it wasn’t just the unity that drew you to Auchendale, there was more. A club, one that was well known in the circles you frequented. It was considered a high end establishment, one of the best, a must experience for anyone in the kink community. Individuals traveled all over to experience the club for one day, but now that you lived here, you could experience it as much as you liked.

You had submitted an application before your move, providing all of your information and your future address, anything to speed the process along. As the club's popularity grew, membership became more difficult to attain. Their vetting process was extended and minimum requirements had to be met for those wanting more than a day pass. 

Once your membership had been accepted you almost couldn’t control your excitement. You had wanted this for so long and felt that this was really the last piece you needed before your new life felt more complete. You had been so patient, waiting for the membership to go through, all the extra vetting, the references, the interviews, but now you were a member. 

Not just any member, you had applied to be a submissive of the club itself. One that worked there, and could be offered to the guests at your discretion. With no master of your own, and a curious spirit, you were perfect for the club. It was a benefit only offered to the V.I.P. guests, and not everyone who applied would be selected, but you were one of the lucky ones. It also meant that you could supplement your income with what you earned from the club. Making it easier to live comfortably. 

There was only one final step left. Despite being hired, passing all the interviews and being vetted by some of the existing staff, there was an initiation rite. To be employed by the club was different from just being a member and participating. You had some freedom to choose, there was a list of Doms that could perform the initiation as it was considered a bit of a test. 

You had looked over their information, their profiles, and their preferences and narrowed it down to three. It wouldn’t be until your employee orientation that you had to choose which of the three, but you were willing to take a risk and let it be random just to show that you were willing to work with anyone, willing to step outside your standard comfort zones. It would make you more valuable as a sub and you knew it. 

As the weekend came closer your excitement and nervousness increased. You had already sorted your outfit, and packed your club bag full of anything you could imagine you might need. As it was the first day, you wanted to be prepared, and your eagerness had you checking and rechecking your bag to make sure you didn’t forget anything essential. Looking professional and put together was important for this situation. This was not the time to be casual or half ass anything, you wanted to ace this initiation and show your willingness and make a great first impression. 

The night finally arrived and you could barely sit still. Opting to use a car service, you wanted to make sure that you didn’t have to leave your car stranded there in the event you were simply too exhausted to drive home. It cost a little more than you liked, but until you could gauge what you might feel like after a shift working the club, you just didn’t want to risk it.  

Arriving at the club you stood outside for a moment, collecting yourself. Pulling out your phone it took a moment to find the right email, just in case there was an issue at the door. You wanted to be more prepared. You were using a backpack for a purse, and a gym bag for your changes of clothes and gear. Currently you opted for a nice coordinated gym set with leggings, a sports bra, and a loose t-shirt. Comfortable clothing would be essential for afterward, but you didn’t want to make assumptions so you brought other options for your initiation. 

Making your way inside it was quiet. This was a couple hours before opening, and you were a bit earlier than what was expected. The nervousness and not driving yourself meant you would rather be a little too early than even a minute late. Someone that looked like a bouncer blocked your way.

“We aren’t open for another few hours, and that isn’t acceptable for our dress code” 

You looked up and up, and up some more at the large man who was clearly not human, but you weren’t really sure what he was. He had tusks like an orc, but tan instead of green skin, and thick dreads, he also had horns.

“Oh, um.. I.. here see, I was hired, but I have to do my initiation?” As you spoke your nerves kicked in, you felt awkward and uncertain. 

His demeanor instantly changed. A big wide smile spread across his face and he laughed a bit, his voice deep. “Didn’t mean to scare you. I didn’t get the memo to expect anyone. Probably should actually check my email more than once a month. No hard feelings, let me show you to the employee area. You here for orientation? You said initiation?” He looked a bit confused. “Oh, I’m Naz. I head up security mostly, do a few other side jobs, but my main job is making sure the employees and patrons are safe and everyone plays nice.”

His smile revealed that he had two sets of tusks, the larger ones you saw before, and the smaller ones that only showed when he smiled. He was, attractive, in a scary sort of way. Though you were pretty sure he was well over 7 feet tall and could crush your skull with one hand, that did not help identify his species and you realized that you were just staring, in a somewhat impolite way.

“Um, both. I have orientation and my initiation. I was hired on as one of the subs that would serve in the lounge for the VIP guests.” 

“Oh, well that makes a lot more sense now.” Naz chuckled and just smiled at you. “I get this a lot. I’m a half ogre. Mom’s an ogre, and my dad is a brave human.” He laughed and waved for you to follow him. “Not offended by the way, people stare at me all the time, I don’t mind it when the person doing the staring is cute. Sorry for the dress code thing. I wasn’t trying to insult you but we have had to institute some new rules to keep some of the less desirable people out. We’ve had a rash of people coming in on dares, or just coming in with ingenuine intent.” 

“Oh, I, well I didn’t realize. I thought it would be better to show up in my after clothes and I brought spares because I am not sure what my test will be so I wanted to be prepared.” You followed him, having a hard time keeping your eyes off his ass. Boy was he built and you wondered if staff was allowed to fool around because you wouldn’t mind being tossed around by him. 

Following Naz to the back employee area you were greeted by other employees clearly getting ready for their own shifts. There were so many different races and everyone was so interesting looking. There was this air of class, of poise, that you worried you wouldn’t be able to maintain. It worried you, what if everything went perfect but you simply didn’t fit in with your coworkers. 

Distracted from your thoughts by a voice Naz smiled at you and gestured you over to where you needed to be before leaving. Clearly he had his own work to get done but you hoped that you might be able to see him again before the night was over. Moving over to where Naz gestured you introduced yourself to the lounge manager. They oversaw the bartenders, servers, and helped with the subs for the lounge. As you had already passed all your interviews this was just the formalities. Filling out all the HR paperwork, your financial documents, and getting your schedule set. Along with the employee handbook which was surprisingly larger than you had expected and knew you would need to put some serious time into reading it. 

“Ok, I know the handbook is a lot to read and it is important that you get through it before your first actual shift. Today is just going to be your initiation test with one of our VIP Dom’s, and right now we aren’t going to hold you to any of the more strict rules while you are just getting used to things, but it is essential that you focus on the section about conduct. That applies to anyone working the lounge the most. I see you have three potential choices here did you want to meet them or should I choose for you?”

“You can choose, I know that this job means I don’t always get to choose who picks me and while I have the right to say no if someone asks me to do something on my hard no list, I also understand that not being flexible means I wont keep this job long. Pick who you think would be best for my first test.”

“I like how you think, you will fit in well here, I can already tell. Well since he is on your list and is one of our most prominent and oldest members. I will have you work with Lucien. Don’t let his appearance frighten you. He is one of our most vaulted VIP members, and one of the best judges of character. We always try to get our new subs a session with him at some point. Anyone he can’t work with, tends not to last long.”

Well that made you nervous. He was scary and his opinion mattered enough that it could potentially mean you wouldn’t be employed long if he didn’t like you. Now you had a goal, to do anything you could to make sure this went smoothly. 

“I have changes of clothes and gear with me, does he have a preference or should I pick something neutral?”

“Lucien is actually flexible with those things. I think the best course would be to stay as you are, show him the options, and show how eager to please you are. That is going to help you the most where Lucien is concerned. Good luck.” 

With that she gestured for you to follow and lead you to a private room inviting you to sit and wait. Lucien would only be a few more minutes and this was your only duty for the evening. Your orientation had lasted until the club opened, and you knew that this was going to be a longer than average scene because it was more than just a scene. It was a test, an initiation, and there would be more to it than what you would need to do for a regular customer. 

Setting your bag down you waited patiently and startled a little when the door began to open. In stepped a tall lithe man, he had sharp features, long horns, and appeared demonic or maybe draconic in nature. There was something off about him, and now you knew why his appearance might frighten people. His eyes seemed to shift color and there were moments you were certain he was reading your mind or your soul.

“Greetings, I am Lucien, I will be the dominate handling your initiation today. I have been provided a list of your preferences, hard stops, and areas where you are willing to push your boundaries. Is there anything important I need to know before we begin?”

Swallowing you gestured to your bag. “I wasn’t sure who I would be paired with, so I brought different outfits and some of my personal gear. If there is anything you are fond of, I might have something with me to accommodate. You are welcome to go through my bag and pick anything that is to your liking.”

“Interesting, you didn’t choose me, I was chosen for you. How delightful. I rarely get to be the first, most are not brave enough to choose me. I don’t know why.” He smiled, his sharp teeth flashing as he lifted a hand in a passive gesture. Long fingers capped in even longer nails, he just stood there. “I do not make it a habit to go through another person's belongings. Even as a sub, you have a right to privacy, but I will happily go through the items with you.”

This was turning out to be interesting and unexpected. He looked like something out of a sexy nightmare, but he was also charming in a strangely disarming way. Opening the bag you pulled out an assortment of outfits, accessories, and some of your personal punishment gear. You had a favorite paddle and flogger, also some nice rope you just bought for this occasion should it be needed. 

“Lovely, so many nice options to choose from. The rope, and that hand full of nipple toys will be sufficient. I like the choices in outfits, but I need you nude for proper bondage. I intend to immobilize you, as it was not on your list of hard no’s. Do you consent to full immobilization?” Lucien stepped closer picking up the rope and sliding his long nails across the tight silky coils. 

“Yes, I consent, Sir.” 

His smile grew, eyes flashing bright orange shifting to red then back again. His sharp teeth far more noticeable in that wide smile. “Excellent. Do strip for me dear and we will begin.”

It took little time to strip off your clothing, placing it in the bag and stepping closer to Lucien. He guided you towards the bed in the room and helped you up onto it. For a few moments all he did was look at you, his eyes roaming over your body slowly. It was a bit unsettling but also exciting, his focus was completely on you and it made you feel somewhat giddy. 

Ever so slowly he began to bind you. The rope was soft against your skin as he bound your arms together above your head. Your arms were bent so your forearm touched your head and each wrist was bound to the opposite arms elbow. You knew your shoulders would be protesting at the end of this, but it was an interesting choice. It made it impossible to move your arms away from each other, and once he hooked the rope to a clasp on the headboard, you couldn’t move your arms at all. 

Skipping the core of your body he moved down to your feet and rubbed them gently. He put them next to each other, having you hold the position. Starting at your knees he wound a coil of rope all the way down your calves from your knees to your ankles leaving your feet free, but trapping your legs tightly together. This was a confusing choice, but it wasn’t your place to argue. Stretching out your legs he used a shorter length of rope, winding it through some of the coils between your ankles and securing it to the footboard of the bed. Now you really had a hard time moving. You could still wiggle, but it wasn’t comfortable. 

Lucien smiled down at you, feathering his touch over your body, letting his long nails tease your skin lightly. “You look so lovely like this, are you comfortable? Is anything pinching or painful?”

You shook your head, so far you were comfortable, or as comfortable as you could be in this position anyway. “Nothing hurts Sir, it isn’t a position I am used to, but I don’t feel pain.”

Nodding Lucien reached over to the selection of nipple toys. Starting with a small vibrator he teased each nipple to a nice peak. His gaze drifting between your breasts and your face, watching your expression, taking in the small changes as you began to feel pleasure. He seemed fine taking his time and continued to use the vibrator teasing between each nipple in turn until you were clenching your thighs and panting slightly. 

“Delightful. Darling you are so expressive in your pleasure. How about we try something a bit different.” 

Placing the vibrator to the side he picked up the little suction cups. They were manual suction cups and sized just right for nipples, though in a pinch they could be used on a clit if positioned properly. Attaching one to each nipple he slowly pumped the bulb on the end until he felt full resistance and then set the valve to closed, leaving them suctioned to your breasts, your nipples swollen and filling almost the entire little cup. 

The sensation was intense. It was somewhere between pleasure and pain. It felt good, especially when he had been pumping, but at the maximum it also stung. It was on the edge of being too much, but not quite enough for you to call a color yet. Panting slightly you licked your lips and realized they were dry, your whole mouth felt dry really. 

Reaching back over to the side table, Lucien picked the vibrator up again, turning it to the lowest setting and began running it on your breasts, around where the cup over your nipple met the skin. He watched you as he teased it over the skin of your breast for a while, slowly turning the vibrations up until they were at a medium setting. Then he ran the vibrator carefully over the cup suctioned to your nipple. 

The sensation was instantly electric, your body bowing off the bed slightly at the intensity of it. Your nipples were already hyper sensitive and inside the suction tube that sensitivity was increased exponentially. You cried out, panting, squirming as Lucien moved the vibrator all around the cup. Grabbing a second small vibe he set it to the same intensity and used it on the other nipple. The dual sensation driving you right to the edge. If you could even think straight you would be surprised you were so close to orgasm just from nipple play. 

The intensity was almost too much and you couldn’t stop yourself from trying to move away and squirm as the pleasure built higher, but the pain was right on its tail. The duality of the sensation, the pleasure and pain pushed you closer to that edge but you couldn’t quite go over it. You had no idea how long it went on, losing all sense of time, your focus centered completely on the sensations you were feeling.

Suddenly it stopped and you opened your eyes. You were taking deep heaving breaths, your entire body tensed up ready for release. Eyes traveling up you looked at Lucien, his gaze intense as he stared at you. His eyes were glowing, you were pretty sure it wasn’t a trick of the light or your mind messing with you, his eyes burned like pitch as he stared at you.

“What a delicious little toy you are, oh it will be difficult to share you, but I must. I was certain you would call a color, I could almost feel it, but you never did. I am impressed, and quite proud of you dearest.”

Slowly Lucien released the valves on the nipple pumps letting the air out and removing them from your swollen buds. They were twice the size they normally were, and incredibly sensitive. You squeaked and wiggled when he blew gently on them. Even that slight bit of stimulation shot straight to your core making your clit jump. 

With a smile Lucien leaned in and took one nipple into his mouth, his sharp teeth scraping the sensitive flesh of your breast gently, tiny pricks of pain against your oversensitized nipple as his soft tongue swept over the tortured bud. The texture of his tongue was like nothing you had ever felt and when he began to suckle, your hips arched as the pleasure made you clench hard. You could feel how wet you were now, certain there was a puddle beneath you on the bed. 

His body was against yours, and you struggled to recall when his clothing had actually come off. You could feel the heat of his skin, the muscles of his form as he pressed himself against you. One of his hands gripped your hip, those long nails digging into your flesh as he moved to the other nipple, more of his body pressed against yours. 

It was too much, the feel of him, of his body, of the strange warmth that seemed to radiate off of him. His hot mouth latched to your swollen sensitive nipple as he suckled and teased it with his tongue. It was too much to handle as you felt his nails bite into your skin that sharp twinge of pain mixing so close to the pleasure you were now feeling throughout your whole body. Desperate for even a single touch on your clit, but you didn’t need it. 

When Lucien growled around your nipple, you were lost. Your body arching as much as it could as you came. Your legs bound tightly together didn’t stop your orgasm, but you wanted more, you wanted so much more. Whimpering, moaning, crying out, you didn’t even realize you were begging for him until he pulled away looking at you with glowing eyes, his features sharper, ears longer,  he was otherworldly in his appearance and was looking at you as if he could devour you. 

“You don’t know what you are asking for dearest, you really don’t.” His voice was husky, smokey, it had a strange echo to it as if other voices were speaking along with his own. “Never tempt me, even my control has limits.”

Lucien pulled away moving into the shadows for a moment leaving you to calm down. When he returned he seemed to be clothed again and he smiled sitting on the bed with you. His hands stroking over your stomach, sides, and hips. He noticed the damage he had done to your hip and stroked it lightly. The pain receded for you, but you couldn’t really see what he had done.

“You did so well my dear, so very well, I am certain you will be quite popular here.”

As his hands moved back over your sides you giggled. You were very ticklish, especially after an orgasm, and those long nails were hitting your skin in a way it was hard to control. The giggling got louder and you notice the quirked brow as he looked at you curiously. It was when that expression turned mischievous that you knew you were in trouble. 

Lucien began to tickle you, not too hard, but oh was it working. It was torture. You couldn’t really move, you couldn’t escape, there was nothing you could do. The giggles turned to laughter, which turned to louder laughter and some tears as you lost control. You begged for him to stop, but didn’t color code. So his tickling continued until you were red in the face. 

It was clear he knew the limit, not wanting to actually harm you, and let you calm down as he began to unbind you. Having to cut some of the rope to get you out a little faster. 

“I simply could not help myself, your laughter is so delightful. You have such a bright soul.”

There was a pause as he finished unbinding you and helped you sit up so you could drink some cool water. He took the time to massage your arms and legs to help feeling return and wasn’t satisfied until he could feel warmth in both your hands and feet. You watched him carefully and risked ruining the moment.

“Why did you untie me, are we finished? You didn’t um.” It was odd, you just realized that Lucien did nothing that would bring pleasure for himself.

“You gave me everything I desired from this encounter, trust me my dear, I got what I needed and I plan to give you a glowing review. I do hope you will indulge me again some time. I promise not to overdo it on the tickling again.”

You nodded, laughing a bit. “Ok, I would like to do more scenes with you. Thank you, this was a unique experience.”

Lucien smiled, helped you to dress in your comfortable clothing and pack up your gear. He excused himself as he guided you back to the employee area, not stepping inside himself. Before leaving he bowed low, lifting your hand, kissing it with a flash of red in his eyes before walking down the hall and seeming to simply disappear into the shadows at the end of it. 

A shudder went down your spine as you stepped into the employee lounge. Lucien was a strange one, that was certain. Meeting back with the manager she smiled at you and lead you to a couch offering you a place to rest and some refreshments before signing you out for the night. It wasn’t until you tried to stand again that you realized just how exhausted you were. 

Heading out of the employee lounge and towards the door you passed the security office as you stumbled slightly. A strong arm catching you. Turning your head you looked up to see Naz staring at you with concern. 

“I hope you aren’t planning to drive like this?”

“Oh, no, I can call a service. I didn’t bring my car, I figured it might be like this so I planned ahead.”

Naz frowned and used his large hand on your back to guide you into the security office and gently nudged you into a chair. “How about instead of that, you wait a few more minutes and I can drive you home. I wouldn’t want you passing out in the back of a cab. We take care of our own here.”

Your cheeks darkened as you smiled at him. “Ok, but what if I pass out in your car?”

“Then you have nothing to worry about. I will make sure you get home safe, or you can crash in my spare room. Either way, you will have a safe warm place to sleep.”

Despite only meeting him today, you weirdly felt like you could trust Naz, and right now you were too tired to argue. 

“Ok, I will do my best not to pass out.” You laughed a bit and got comfortable as you watched the bouncers and other security staff come and go from the office, finishing up their duties for the night as the club was getting ready to close. 

[fuckyourselffff]

This is absolutely maddening. Homelessness, tent villages, the lack of humanity, this is absolutely indescribable. At below minimum wage, I am living in luxury compared to some. I found the pan that probably caused this fire, this abomination. It’s no wonder people feel fucking lost and listless other emotions. What are you supposed to tackle first?

Hunger? I spotted a pan that probably caused this incident.

Cleanliness? Is a joke on the streets.

Shelter? Sorry if i went to target as a homeless person and bought a tent, it’s a red fucking flag.

Mental health? The system has demonized people in this position. Nuff said.

Physical health? #1 SLEEPING ON CONCRETE?? Oh yeah I’ll take that thanks.

Clothing? AKA how to not look homeless.

THE FUCKING SYSTEM THAT PUSHES US DOWN??! I say “us” because we are all little people, statistics or numbers to those that control the system. Once you lack something, it will all start falling apart, like a deck of cards. I’m barely maintaining the list above at 13.50$ per hour 60+ hours a week sometimes. I’ll earn like 1500$ every two weeks, and be burnt out. I have the luxury of having vacation time AND sick days, in a job that’s tied to my health insurance, of course. The above picture was taken in Downtown LA. I’m from NY, and it’s far from any fucking better there. If y’all are looking at me because I’m traveling, you’re the fucking problem. I’m social distancing and took this backpacking trip for my mental health. I don’t go to bars and I’ve barely met anyone.

Also since there is an immense discrepancy between the rich and the poor, just like NYC, there is a huge homeless population just trying to make it by. I’ve been warned/advised by local employees and friends from home to come in before sundown because the homeless and/or unmedicated people are roaming. Which albeit, sounds/is scary when it’s in front of you. But these people are also kind, generous, just trying to get by, will eat my half eaten food, are respectful. So when does that circle back to getting this population of people help? Taking advantage of them during a crisis by offering jobs that might support one or two needs. Yes, I’ve heard of all these resources, but what happens when these resources cut out or someone doesn’t meet the “qualifications”. What happens when the process to get such resources is just an obstacle on top of another obstacle? It’s more than likely exhausting just to bring yourself to ask for help, nonetheless coming to terms with your situation. In San Diego, i discovered there is a community funded clinic for those suffering with homelessness, and they’re currently constructing a building which looks like it would support affordable housing and a means to aggressively combat the situation. They are called father joes villages and father joes clinic. Research and donate if you can. This is an amazing start. We as humans owe it to ourselves and others to support each other through crisis’, in whatever way we can.

The below picture is off the coast of La Jolla, San Diego; where rich people have to continuously deconstruct and rebuild their homes because of natural erosion, oh poor them 😭😭. Due to Natural Erosion on the coast and losing property, one house doesn’t have enough space in their driveway to turn around, so they installed a rotating platform on their driveway, that’s nice. Apparently, this one guy built an infinity pool off the side of the cliff, SANDSTONE (which erodes when you look at it) after T W O W E E K S it fell into the ocean and i believe the only reason he had to clean it up was because it was on a reserve. They fined him like $74K a month until he got to it, months later. Imagine having the luxury of paying a monthly fine of that magnitude, and having a “I’ll get around to it” attitude. Imagine being so rich. —Someone please prove me wrong on this story, i only learned from word of mouth. —

-Martin Sheen

Someone please tell me what to do next. I’d like to be a pillar to stand on, or field some representation or some real action and quite literally fuck the system.

[autisticchicc]

Unstructured Autism Rant

A/N: For COVID reasons, mask is purely metaphorical in this piece, not an actual face mask, the work scenario was something that happened pre-COVID.

Trigger Warnings: In-depth descriptions of autism-related struggles and meltdowns.

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience with autism, that is not to say that this is the experience of every person with ASD.

“Have I solved your issue today?” I ask the customer on the other end of the phone. I have; I don’t know why I’m asking this. The customer confirms I have, and I wish them goodbye, a good day, and thank you for calling the business. I don’t care if they have a good day, and I why on earth would I thank them for calling us? The entire interaction went on for far too long for my liking thanks to small talk and the customer pushing pointless information about themselves onto me. He told me he was sketching by the riverside, but why do I need to know about that? How do I respond to a piece of information that does nothing to or for me? Upon hanging up, I breathe a sigh of relief. The mask slips off my face slightly as I rub my temples.  

The relief is short-lived, as one of my co-workers comes over to my desk to talk about something. I take a deep breath and pull the mask back on properly before forcing myself to engage enthusiastically in this conversation. I don’t know this co-worker that well, I know nothing about how she talks, her personality, or her humour, only that I have a huge margin for error in this conversation. I concentrate intensely, trying desperately to make sense of her rapidly changing facial expressions and knowing when it’s my turn to talk. After interjecting at the wrong time on several occasions, I give up and just respond meekly when there’s an obvious gap. I feel embarrassed and awkward, and when she walks away, I kick myself. Why is it so hard to have a simple conversation? I’ve yet to make any friends at this job, and I don’t think I ever will at this rate.

I swivel back to face my two screens and lament the lack of a blue light filter on this software. My eyes ache, and the dog (yeah, don’t ask) on the upper level of the open plan office keeps barking. The occasional trilling of a phone irritates me more than usual as the late afternoon sun glares through the floor to ceiling windows at my photosensitive eyes. I can’t close the blinds because my co-workers love the sun, but I’m rapidly approaching a meltdown thanks to overstimulation, exhaustion, and following vague instructions all day. It feels as though every piece of sensory stimuli is stabbing at my eyes and ears. At the end of my shift I clock out and leave without saying goodbye to anyone. I don’t know them well enough to feel comfortable going out of my way to say anything in the first place.

Upon exiting the building, I cover my ears with my big headphones, the relief that washes over me is immense. All those invasive sounds are gone now, and I can listen to whatever I want. I still feel on edge, still teetering close to a meltdown, so I choose not to worsen it by listening to something that would fuel my anger. Sometimes it’s necessary, sometimes I desperately need to hear the pained screams of Pete Steele, the aggressive guitars and lyrics of Body Count. But today, I need something that isn’t going to give me the encouragement to punch the first person that triggers my rage.

For me, music is transformative and transportive. When I listen to particular songs with noise-cancelling headphones, it’s allows me to go somewhere in my imagination while my body moves to my real destination on autopilot. I decide on an uplifting song by The Knocks and Big Boi, Big Bills. It’s a song that makes me feel like a character in a movie that has just moved to a new city and is pursuing an exciting new life. To an extent that’s sort of true for me, minus the excitement and plot armour. Either way, it’s an uplifting song for me. So much so in fact, that I listen to it on repeat all the way home. If something interrupts the song, like an announcement on the tube or having to pause it, I have to restart it or it’s not the same.

When I eventually arrive home, the transformation happens. The moment my bedroom door closes, and I turn my headphones off, it begins. The outcome of this transformation can be vastly different depending on how my day went. It might be that it was a successful day socially, so I leave my phone out of sight and silently bury myself in a hobby for hours in order to recharge. It might be that the mask comes off and I begin to scream and sob, breaking anything I can to stop myself from self-injuring, burying the heels of my hands into my eyes to block any light. The transformation varies, but it is always the result of the same thing: suppressing who I am.

Much of being autistic and being forced to operate in a society catered to neurotypical people, for me, is suppressing my natural instincts and behaviour. Even when I have a positive day socially, it’s often contingent on how well I assimilated with other neurotypical people in that particular interaction. This is frustrating because not only am I exhausted because hardly anyone accommodates for me, I am also measuring the success of my day on other peoples’ standards. Many of my interpersonal relationships also operated that way until fairly recently, I was forced to behave and communicate the way that other people expected me to rather than what felt natural to me. There is only so many places and so much time I can maintain this act for, and so I was forced to simply cut those friendships off. I am no longer willing to negotiate my needs with people that clearly don’t like me enough to respect my disorder.

The friends I keep are mindful, lovers of the eccentric, embracing that which is different and persecuted for it. Often times I find that the people closest to me also have parts of their identity that mean they must also wear a mask of sorts when moving through society, be it racist society, patriarchal society, or queerphobic society. Our arms interlink on the fringes of an abstract hierarchy, turning away from the status quo and pursuing a life in truth and diversity. One day I’d love for everyone to be able to live authentically, for discrimination, isms and phobias to fade away into the past. I don’t see it happening in my lifetime, or perhaps ever, but I hope it does eventually.

In an ideal world, I would only interact with those aforementioned friends and no one else, but as we’ve established, that is not the world we live in. The reality is, I almost never get to interact with people who accommodate for me. I deal with people touching me without permission which makes my skin crawl, forcing me to take my headphones off when I’m fending off a meltdown, managers who don’t give me the specific step-by-step instructions I need, classmates who don’t understand that I don’t talk because I’m too shy, not because I’m unfriendly, lecturers that forget I can’t operate well in group work and can’t be in classrooms with harsh, fluorescent lights… The list is endless. Even going to the shop is a struggle, because the employees have no way to know. Although Tesco’s have been considerate and ‘progressive’* enough to introduce sunflower lanyards (https://www.tesco.com/help/invisibledisability/), most stores have absolutely no assistance in place for customers with hidden disabilities. I just have to hope that they don’t speak to me and that I don’t end up getting overwhelmed and having to ask anyone for help.

In a lot of ways, this pandemic has meant that I can avoid quite a lot of the scenarios that would usually cause me stress. I no longer work (admittedly, this causes more stress than it relieves), I don’t have to attend class in person, there is little to no in-person socialising, family events are cancelled, seasonal holidays are cancelled, queuing and crowding is no longer allowed (without distancing), etc. That has all been excellent and a relief. But on the flip side, it has given rise to a whole host of new problems. I hate being on camera or speaking in online lessons, there is no way for me to remind the teacher subtly I can’t do group work, masks trigger heat-related meltdowns for me, the financial instability of being unemployed has been a huge stressor, and the lack of government support is utterly enraging. 

Overall, it’s been a huge adjustment. The job that I talked about my experience with at the beginning of this rant is long gone now, so many things have changed. I have never dealt well with change, but this year has forced me to. In some ways I suppose you could say this is a positive development, exposure therapy is best at times. I just wish it had been more on my terms and not at the hands of a viral pandemic. 

[soulmate-game]

Crack One shot

Soulmates were real, but there was no universal type of bond. The only agreed upon fact was that everyone only had one soulmate, and that was whatever that person needed most in life. If what they needed most was a romantic partner, their soulmate would be romantic. If they needed family or a lifelong friend more, then that would be the bond they would have. It could show up in any way, some more common than others but many unique to that pair or trio of soul bonded individuals.

Marinette had arrived in Gotham last week. She had won the Wayne Enterprises International Scholastic Competition for her and her class, the reward for which included a month long trip to Gotham. Three of those weeks would be spent in Gotham Academy during the week, with the weekends spent in personalized internships with Wayne Enterprises employees.

Except Marinette, who as the winner of the competition, got her internship with Bruce Wayne and Tim Drake themselves.

And after finding out that Robin was her romantic soulmate on her first night in Gotham? She was really hoping this internship would go smoothly without any life altering discoveries.

Someone needed to flick Tikki for not giving her enough good luck though, because that did not happen.

Marinette thought stumbling through her and Robin’s game-styled Bond would be more than enough confusion and complication for at least the rest of the year for her. But no. No, of course not. Because when she met Bruce Wayne at his manor for their first official day of internship on Saturday, nine days after arriving in Gotham City, she shook the billionaire’s hand for the first time.

And when their hands connected, the only thing in either of their favor is the fact that Alix had turned down the invitation to come with Marinette and therefore the only other people in the mansion were Bruce’s family (including Alfred, of course). Because as soon as their hands touched, bright silver light shone for a moment before what was basically a holographic screen popped up. On it in bold black font were the words:

— SOULBOND INITIATED STATUS: Familial FAMILIARITY LEVEL: Introductory BONDED INDIVIDUALS: Bruce Wayne (AKA:REDACTED) and Marinette Dupain-Cheng (AKA: REDACTED) INITIATE SOULBOND GUIDE? (Y / N) —

“B-But I already met my soulmate on Thursday!” Marinette objected, eyes wide as she pulled her hand away like it burned. “This can’t— this is a prank, right? New WayneTech or something?”

Unfortunately, Bruce stares at his own hand in similar shock.

“Miss Dupain-Cheng, I also already met my soulmate,” he informed gravely, poking his palm with the index finger of his opposite hand. “But look. I did not get a physical mark from my romantic soulmate, but…”

Marinette knew. She didn’t want to acknowledge it, but she knew. Everybody with a physical soulmark said that you knew when it was real, when it wasn’t paint or a tattoo or anything else, because it felt real. In some intrinsic, magical, mysterious way, everyone intuitively knew if a physical mark was or wasn’t genuine.

And the little, silver bat signal on the center of Marinette’s palm was definitely genuine. Her eyes went wide at the sight of it, and the information on the holographic soulbond-board changed.

BONDED INDIVIDUALS: Bruce Wayne (AKA: Batman)

Bruce showed Marinette the small silver ladybug symbol on the exact same spot on his own palm.

And Marinette Dupain-Cheng (AKA: Ladybug)

“What the fuck?” That was Dick, who was the first to get over his shocked silence. But not very well. “What. The. Fuck? If Bruce had a familial soulmate, I would have thought it would be me. You know, first adopted son and everything,” he waved at himself, but his tone wasn’t jealous. It was just confused. “Or any of this other adopted children,” Richard gestured to the line of them next to him. “Why get a familial soulmate now? And why have two soulmates?”

The last line on the hologram began to flash insistently.

ACTIVATE SOULBOND GUIDE? (Y / N)

“I, uh, think we should click yes, Monsieur Wayne,” Marinette suggested, lifting her hand to do just that before pausing and glancing at her new (what? Father figure? Uncle figure? Oh my god if Bruce was Batman, did that mean Damian was Robin? The builds and estimated measurements matched up. Did that mean Bruce—) “Mon dieu, you’re supposed to be my father in law figure,” Marinette realized aloud, her face suddenly paper white at the realization.

“... I agree, let’s see what this ‘Soulbond guide’ is, exactly,” her familial soulmate decided to say, ignoring her realization entirely. He pressed the ‘Y’ with one finger before Marinette or his other children could protest. The silver screen changed, the text melting away in favor of showcasing a horizontal line. Until that line spoke, and moved to show the wavelengths of its voice as it did so. Like a digital mouth. Occasionally text would pop up to complement or supplement the spoken words.

“Hello. I am your SOULBOND guide, A.I.D.E, or Autonomous Introspective Destiny Escort. I am a pocket personality created by the Universe and Fate Itself as your guide and informant regarding your soul bond, and nothing but your soul bond. My knowledge may extend to some aspects of your personality, memories, background, and motives behind actions, but otherwise does not delve far beyond the specificities of your Bond. Even my knowledge of your timeline and social structure in your reality are limited. That being said, do you have any questions regarding your Bond?”

“Oh my god, it even reflects Bruce’s emotion issues,” Jason breathed, thoroughly intrigued and entertained.

“But what does that say about Marinette?” Tim shot back. “She isn’t emotionally stunted like both of her soulmates.”

Yeah, everyone agreed at that point that trying to hide their identities from the French girl was a moot point.

“No,” Marinette agreed slowly, eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t even want to ask what you mean by emotionally stunted, because if Robin is any indication…” she winced, and several people in the room chuckled. Jason outright cackled. “But after dealing with HawkMoth for so long and not being able to let out any of my negative emotions, I developed a kind of mental system I guess. I just kinda… click and delete my anger or betrayal as often as it takes, if that makes sense.”

“That is not healthy, and we will talk about that later,” Damian said instantly, not looking pleased. Marinette just shrugged and grinned at him sheepishly.

As usual, Bruce was the first to actually begin to interrog— ahem— ask questions.

“Why do we have two soul bonds?” He asked, getting right to the point.

“In your case, it is due to your alter ego BATMAN. BATMAN has been a separate part of yourself, or at the very least you have seen him as separate from yourself as Bruce Wayne, for more than eighteen years. This grants BATMAN his own soulmate, as if he were his own entity. People such as Superman do not have this attribute, as they are fully cognizant of the unity of their two identities. BATMAN’s soulmate is Marinette, a familial soulmate. In her case, Marinette is in possession of the Ladybug Miraculous, which holds the power of Creation. This, along with the fact that Marinette is what is classified as a TRUE LADYBUG and/or a CREATION SOUL, gives rise to the possibility of a second soulmate being created for her as the need arises. This was compounded by the fact that she, like you, also sees LADYBUG as being a separate person from her own identity as Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Since she has held both a true CREATION SOUL and maintained this mindframe of being two separate people for several years, LADYBUG was granted a soulmate of her own, which is you. Does that suitably answer your question?”

“The first of many,” Bruce admitted grimly, turning to Marinette. “Do you want to ask anything else, or get on with the internship?”

“Just one question today,” she answered immediately, her mind buzzing. “What does the soul bond allow us to do, and how do we activate it?”

“You can activate the Soul Screen and myself by tapping your soulmark with that intention in mind. Your abilities are as follows; Mental Communication link— a two-way telepathy activated on command only when the Bond Mark is activated. Surveillance— the ability to see through your Soulmate’s eyes through the Soul Screen in emergency situations only. Bond Text— The ability to send written messages to your Soulmate by holding onto your soul mark, imagining the contents of the text, and sending it. Nobody except your soulmate will be able to see said message, and it will appear on the palm that hosts that individual’s Soul Mark. SOS— If one member of the soul bond is in life threatening danger, the other member’s bond mark will glow and a meter showcasing the endangered member’s life force will appear next to the mark. Upon the life force extinguishing, this Bond will permanently dissolve. Resurrection, time travel, and magical Cures will not revive this Bond.”

“In other words, the Universe is calling both of you out for being reckless and is only giving you once Chance here,” Barbara surmised ruthlessly. “Good luck. Alfred, what’s for lunch?”

As everyone filed out of the room with the dissolution of the Soulbond’s novelty, Damian, Bruce, and Marinette were left standing in awkward silence. Silently, Marinette shut off the Soul Screen and A.I.D.E with it.

“... we won’t be able to keep secrets anymore,” Marinette said, seemingly just thinking out loud. “Once we activate the Soul Screen, AIDE will totally rat out any we try to keep.”

“She was my soulmate first, Father, so I’m stealing her now,” Damian said by way of warning Bruce before he picked Marinette up and carried her away. The billionaire playboy philanthropist just stared after them, wondering what the hell he did to taunt the Universe into making him the butt of all of its jokes.

He tapped his ear twice, a different bond awakening. “Selina? Please tell me you’re in town. I think I’ll crack out some of the good alcohol tonight.”

“Celebrating something?” The familiar voice purred in his ear.

“Coping.”

—*—*—*—*—* This is not at all canon to the original story, but takes place in the same universe. Just an idea I had for a second that I wanted to write a stupid one shot for. This is crack and I’m okay with that.

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

If the Papa's/Copia have a SO that isn't a member of the clergy, then how did they meet?

Shout out to a buddy of mine who gave the idea for Papa III’s! They mentioned a boutique and the idea inspired his scenario!

*Edit* I might have to revisit this idea in the future! I went for more fluffy funny ones, but I have a second idea of doing some SPOOKY ones! Like imagine meeting a Papa while you are trespassing at night, or accidentally summoning one during your own ritual! 

Papa Nihil: (Ended up with young Nihil, oops!) All you were trying to do was browse a your local record store when the strangest man walked by you. You noticed him immediately from the garish face paint, dark hair, and  gold pendant on his neck. He grinned at you and pointed to the psychedelic cover you held in your hand. “You have amazing taste, I happen to know the band.” you laughed and rolled your eyes. It took a few moments of back and forth banter between you two for you to realize that he actually DID know the band, because he SANG for the band! Nihil offered you a free VIP pass to come see him perform. You figured you might as well and took the offer, worse case scenario you get a free show from it! Despite the woman with blonde hair who looked ready to strangle you the entire night, you had an amazing time! What really sealed the deal was getting to meet the rest of the band after their set and going to dinner with the strange skull painted man. The rest, they say, is history! 

Papa I: You almost felt like you were in some type of movie when you met Papa at a bookstore that you worked at. Granted, you get all sorts of characters when you work for a place that carries really off the wall and non mainstream texts. He came up to the counter with a very stern looking assistant and a stack of falling apart texts. You found him to be very polite if not a bit intense at the way he maintained eye contact. The man had a list of a few more hard sought after texts, but needed you to get them considered the REALLY expensive books were under lock and key. While you were retrieving them you politely asked about his studies, considering many were religious in nature. “Are you a theology professor?” The question that changed your life, and one only asked because you got so many in your store. You found out that he wasn’t, and your conversation spiraled off from there- with him asking you all sorts of questions and you doing the same back. Papa offered you  a chance to see one of his ‘sermons’ and you’ve been together ever since. 

Papa II: Funnily enough, you two first really met at one of the fancy establishments Papa found himself partying at! You just happened to be at the right place at the right time, coming just to enjoy the night life at a place your friends picked out. It was right after he handed over the mitre to his younger brother and was enjoying his new ‘retirement’. At first, even though you two spoke at the bar, you thought he was just a really out of place, fancy (if not pretentious) old man looking for some eye candy. And you were half right! But when you shot down his advances and more talked to him on an intellectual level, you were very intrigued. It kept you coming back to the bar every night he was in town so you two could talk. Between his midnight flings with others and his parties, you two managed to find time to have dinner together. Despite his ferocious appetite for night life, you realized you REALLY had a fancy for the gentleman. You almost weren’t shocked when he told you who he really was. To say the least, you did take that offer for a plane ticket back to the abbey for a small ‘vacation’ yourself!  

Papa III: Honestly, if you were to tell this story to any person it would seem like you made the entire thing up. It was such a series of coincidences that you don’t even believe it half the time, and the man is in your arms every night! You had just happened to wander into a high end boutique just to look around one day- having nothing better to do. You were so shocked when a dark haired man suddenly handed you a silk shirt and asked you to find it in a different color. Had you not been so surprised you might have flung it back in his face! The look on your face had him laughing and he quickly realized you weren’t an employee. He’s very quick to introduce himself and make his interest in you known. You don’t know how but you agreed to let him make it up to you by treating you to lunch. Despite feeling super awkward at first, because this show off stranger just whisked you away to a fancy lunch, you found that you both actually had a lot of chemistry. It took you a few more dates and conversations but you let him sweep you off your feet eventually! Imagine your shock when you realized the man who stepped into your life like a fairy tale was actually a dark Satanic pope. 

Cardinal Copia: You were one of the tailors working on his costumes, funnily enough. You both officially met when he first came to get measured for his new suits! You were the one responsible for getting all of his measurements, fabric choices, and special requests for his garments. The two of you clicked very quickly, despite Copia being a very reserved and sometimes awkward man. Your boss, the head of the company you worked for, was happy to let you handle most of the business interaction with the Clergy while the outfits were being made- since you and Copia seemed to really communicate well and your results were helping. You were told how Copia only seemed to talk freely and relaxed with you, and only REALLY held still for alterations when you were the one taking his clothes in. It was a bit of a shock when Copia contacted you months after all the outfits were completed and your company’s contract was up. He asked you for dinner when he was in town again and you have been inseparable ever since! 

[ghosthunthq]

Oliver is autistic, I will die on this hill

by @snavej

Noun

hill to die on (plural hills to die on)

(idiomatic) An issue to pursue with wholehearted conviction and/or single-minded focus, with little or no regard to the cost.

X~X~X

And so our story begins…

Okay, so if you’ve been around the fandom on Tumblr/Fanfiction.net, you will probably have seen me write “Oliver is autistic, I will die on this hill” on a post or story. If you have not, then, you have now. Congrats.

I came to this revelation maybe three years ago now. I had been in a discussion with some fandom friends and something in the conversation had made me wonder if Oliver was autistic.

We’ve all seen the cliche representations of autistic people in the media, especially those coded as such without explicit confirmation. For example, Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory. These characters are often there for comedic value, where we, the audience, laugh at them for their disability. The shows get away with it because they never explicitly state the character is autistic. 

I’m getting off track already.

So after the discussion mentioned before, I went away and began my research - to Google! Now, I have to admit, part of my curiosity regarding this matter is because I have been told I write Oliver well. Personally, I feel I write him a little OOC, but I like how I write him so it doesn’t bother me. I write Oliver as a version of myself. So my thought patterns at the time were that if Oliver was autistic, could I be too?

Oh yes, you thought you were just here for an educational piece about autism? Nope, you’re getting the whole damn story as to why I will die on this hill.

So I did my research and I found lists of signs of autism. I devoured internet articles and soon it was all I was interested in. I even bought a book titled ‘Aspergirls’ by Rudy Simone (who is autistic). If any of you read this piece and start wondering if you’re autistic (and you’re female, more on gender later!), I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I literally cried reading it.

The signs!

Okay so what are all these signs, let’s start a list! Autistic people can have:

Rituals that they refuse to change,

Odd or repetitive movements,

Unusual sensory reactions,

Be clumsy or awkward,

Nervous in large social groups,

Have a hard time making friends,

Speak in unusual ways or with an odd tone of voice,

Talk only about themselves/their interests,

Have narrow, often obsessive interests,

Want to be alone, or want to interact but not know how,

Avoid eye contact,

Have a hard time understanding body language,

Have trouble understanding other people’s feelings or talking about their own feelings,

Poor/abnormal posture, often sit on chairs oddly,

Trouble with left, right and other directions,

Large or unique vocabulary,

Lack of organisation,

Intense compassion/empathy,

Intense anger or no anger at all,

Connections with animals,

Difficulty understanding pop culture, styles, trends, etc.

Rigid in their ways,

Easily distressed,

Delayed speech and language,

Lack of imitation of others or imaginative play,

Indifferent to the feelings of others,

Sensitive to light and sound,

Self-stimulatory behaviours (stimming)

Echolalia (repeating or echoing words or phrases)

Unusual emotional responses,

Meltdowns,

Responds adversely to physical affections,

Does not initiate conversation,

Very poor diet,

Frequently walks on tiptoes,

Socially withdrawn/socially awkward,

Self-injurious behaviour,

Makes irrelevant remarks,

Difficulty with abstract language and concepts,

Need for sameness,

Severe upset when routines are disrupted,

Attachment to unusual objects,

Fascination with spinning objects,

Good memory for repeating lists or facts,

Unlikely to discriminate against someone on basis of race/gender/age etc.

Unlikely to give superior status to the wealthy or those high up in an organisation,

Have their own set of values,

Can hyperfocus,

Struggle to separate themselves from their work,

Lack the ability to filter information received, 

Alexithymia - the inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner,

Likes patterns, putting things in order,

Often limits diet,

Often wears the same clothes,

Black or white thinking,

Auditory processing disorder…

Okay, I’ll stop there. I could probably go on if I wanted to, because although I’ve written a lot of things there, these are all manifestations of the clinical diagnosis criteria.

X~X~X

Diagnostic Criteria for 299.00 Autism Spectrum Disorder

Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviours used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understand relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behaviour to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour.

Restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behaviour (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviour.

Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.

These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability (intellectual developmental disorder) or global developmental delay. Intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder frequently co-occur; to make comorbid diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, social communication should be below that expected for general developmental level.

Note: Individuals with a well-established DSM-IV diagnosis of autistic disorder, Asperger’s disorder, or pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified should be given the diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. Individuals who have marked deficits in social communication, but whose symptoms do not otherwise meet criteria for autism spectrum disorder, should be evaluated for social (pragmatic) communication disorder.

Taken from: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html

X~X~X

Back to the story

So I went to my doctor after all of this reading. I was convinced. Nothing had ever made so much sense to me in my entire life as reading about autism.

I was, at this point, what people in the autism community call “self-diagnosed”. Now I was lucky, I could go on to get a “proper” diagnosis. Not everyone is as lucky. Many doctors do not believe that girls/women can be autistic. Many doctors do not believe that ethnic minorities can be autistic. Many doctors do not believe adults can be autistic. In some countries, people do not have free healthcare and so they cannot afford a diagnosis. There are many reasons why people can’t/won’t get diagnosed.

The point I’m trying to make is that if you see someone posting about being self-diagnosed, don’t be all “oh but a doctor hasn’t said it so you’re not”, because that person does not need your doubt and it does not help anyone. Their self-diagnosis helps them to navigate their life and it does not hurt anyone. Honestly, the amount of people that are “wrong” about their self-diagnosis is probably very small, and those that are probably have some other kind of neurodivergent condition such as ADHD.

Anyway, my doctor gave me a form to fill in, a questionnaire. A series of questions aimed very much at the male expression of autism. I felt horrible at the time, because I knew exactly how to answer these questions to fill the boxes required. I knew because I had read so much about autism that I knew what they wanted to hear.

I filled it in honestly. I scored highly enough anyway.

My doctor did not know who to refer me to. She had never had to refer an adult before. She asked around and found out what to do; I got put on a waiting list.

A while later, at work, I found out I could get tested privately and work would pay for it. Oh, how I love my job. I spoke to someone who had been the manager of another employee who had gone through the process. That helped.

I talked to the man who was supposed to be the disability advisor, he made me fill in the same questionnaire that my doctor did. I filled it in again.

I was on another waiting list.

The advisor had also recommended me a book, which I bought and read and hated. The language used very much implied that I would never be ‘great’, just ‘coping’. It was written by a neurotypical person. I told the advisor by email that this book was stupid and damaging. He did not reply.

Months later, the private assessment happened. I spent an entire day with a clinical psychologist and a speech and language therapist. My parents and manager came too. I answered questions, had to explain things to them, made up stories with random objects. My parents, mainly my mother, talked about my childhood.

At the end of it all, they decided I was autistic.

I was ecstatic.

The day before, a person at work said I was a hypochondriac. One of those people who read about conditions on the internet and convince myself that I have them. I still do not talk to that person.

Finally, everything made sense. Finally, I had a reason why people made fun of me for reasons I could not fathom. Finally, my weirdness had a name.

X~X~X

The Gender Issue

So there is a ‘gender issue’ with autism and it’s diagnosis. Everything is aimed at young (white) boys. It’s designed for the stereotype of the young boy who likes to collect trains. And that’s why there are five times as many autistic boys in comparison with girls.

People of colour, women and girls are very often undiagnosed or misdiagnosed.

Generalised anxiety disorder, depression, OCD, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, various eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, ADHD…

The list goes on.

Now, that’s not to say many girls don’t have these things. Often they do. But often they have those and autism.

I very much doubt there is five times as many autistic boys. I think there are just a hell of a lot of women and girls who are undiagnosed.

Why this disparity? Well, autism presents differently in girls, or perhaps, society sees it differently.

When a young boy is quiet and withdrawn, happy to play by themselves, something is wrong. When a girl is quiet and withdrawn, she’s just shy. There’s also a lot of evidence to suggest that girls are a lot better at masking their autism.

Essentially, due to the societal pressure on young girls, they hide their autism and mimic their peers. That’s why the most common time for a woman to get diagnosed with autism is when she has children of her own and they’re getting diagnosed.

Is it genetic? There’s no strict evidence of an ‘autistic’ gene, I don’t think. But its quite common. When I was getting tested, I gave the previously mentioned book to my mother and said, “Hey, can you read this, I think I have this”. My mother read the book and told me she thought she had given it to me. She got tested two months ago.

I also look at my father and see many of the traits. But he has no interest in getting tested.

If you’re intersted, google “autism in girls” or something similar, there are plenty of resources.

The result

So I have my diagnosis, my work is fully informed. I am now protected by the Disability Act. I can’t use disabled parking spaces, but some autistic people can, if they need it.

What does this mean for me? It means that my employer has to make adjustments for me to make me comfortable for work. Changing the lighting, giving me a quiet place to work, working with me on deadlines and stuff. They know now (officially) that I have issues with auditory processing, and that they should take that into account.

I’m lucky, my employer has been good about this, and it is in their interest to. Autistic people can be an asset to any company. They are often experts in their chosen field and will work solidly on stuff they enjoy.

Lots of autistic people are not as lucky. They are one of the highest unemployed groups. Workplaces are full of unwritten rules that are hard for autistic people. This brings me on to…

Autism Acceptance Month

April is Autism Acceptance Month. You may see this as Autism Awareness Month in some places. But I don’t like that. “Awareness months” and “awareness days” are often reserved for horrible diseases like cancer, for which we want a cure.

There are a lot of resources out there from damaging institutions this month, such as Autism Speaks. They are advocating for a cure and also promote ABA (a type of ‘therapy’ that is disgusting and should not be allowed). If you take anything from all this, please do not support Autism Speaks.

There is no cure for Autism. It is a developmental disorder. It’s not a disease.

If you wanna do something for Autism Acceptance Month, there are some resources here: https://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/world-autism-awareness-week.aspx

But what about the vaccines?

Of course, I cannot talk about autism without mentioning the vaccines!

In the 90s, about 1 in 150 children were diagnosed with autism, by the early 2000’s, this went up to 1 in 68. One of the big things that had changed in this time was the number of vaccines children had. 

There have been many studies regarding autism and vaccines. And there was one that said there was a link between autism and vaccines. In this study, there were 12 subjects.

Now I do statistics for a day job. So I can tell you categorically, that 12 subjects for a study is not enough for decisive proof. The person who did this study was struck off and rightly so.

But the media got hold of this idea.

And so the anti-vaxxers rose up, refusing to vaccinate their children from deadly diseases because obviously, being autistic was worse than being dead.

In summary, vaccinate your children.

Side note, I, as an autistic person, am allowed to make jokes about vaccines. For example, I received some vaccinations before travelling and joked with the nurse that I was ‘topping up my autism’. This is funny because we both knew it was wrong.

‘Autistic person’ vs ‘person with autism’

This one is a tricky one. I’ve seen arguments both ways.

‘Person with autism’ puts the person first, but also makes the autism sound like an accessory. 

‘Autistic person’ puts the disability first, but you can’t separate the person from the autism, it’s intrinsic to who they are.

Basically, this is up to the person. If they prefer one way or the other, use it. It’s like pronouns, you use what the person you’re talking about asks you to use.

Personally, I’m not too fussy, but I lean towards ‘autistic person’. 

Asperger’s vs Autism

Asperger’s was merged into the general Autism diagnosis criteria a while back. Asperger’s is what is sometimes called ‘high functioning autism’. The autism community do not like the term ‘high functioning’ because it denies aid, in the same way that ‘low functioning’ denies agency. The criteria for ‘low functioning’ is having an IQ under 70. So it’s quite broad.

Also people who have been classified as ‘high functioning’ don’t necessarily function well in everyday life without help.

Also, Hans Asperger’s was a bit of a knobhead, so a lot of people don’t like using his name.

Headcanons

A headcanon is a fan’s personal, idiosyncratic interpretation of canon, such as habits of a character, the backstory of a character, or the nature of relationships between characters. The term comes from the fact that it is the canon that exists in a fan’s head.

So when I say ‘Oliver is autistic’, this is my personal headcanon. Do I want it to become fanon? Yes, of course, I do. In the same way, I love that Yasuhara x Gene has become popular (for which I take full responsibility).

But if you disagree with it, that’s fine. You’re allowed to do that. I will not think any less of you for it. Because at the end of the day, the author has not come out and said ‘Oliver is autistic’.

Personally, as an autistic writer, who has always written some of her characters as autistic, whether she knew it or not, I suspect the author of Ghost Hunt might be an undiagnosed autistic person. Because Oliver is not the only person I recognise traits in… But that’s for another day.

If you only take one thing away from reading all of this, then let it be this:

If you’ve met one autistic person, that’s it. You have met ONE autistic person.

We’re all different, just like everyone else.

And now for what you’ve all been waiting for…

Continued in Part TWO 

[kalim10]

The Revelation of Emotional Intelligence.

The word "Emotional Intelligence" originated in the middle of the 20s century. At first, it was called "social Intelligence" and by the 1930s it was called "Emotional Power". But whatsoever the name, the subject is pretty much the same. However, due to the fact that the concept of this subject is becoming clearer day by day, it has been given a relevant name.

What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)?

Emotional Intelligence is actually a tidy way of life. Ei or EQ is the qualification to recognize, understand and manage our own emotions. Also understand, recognize and influencing the emotions of others. In Practical, It suggests being informed that emotions can push our behavior and impact people positively and negativity and learning how to conduct this in a better way, especially when we are under pressure.

Importance of Emotional Intelligence in life :

You may require Emotional Intelligence in every condition of life. I am highlighting the need for it in some aspects of life. But beyond that, in many cases emotional intelligence will help you.

•Physical Fitness : we are constantly under stress in our lives. Every day we deal with small and big mental stress. This stress has a big impact on our physical well-being. Many people can't stay physically healthy just not being able to hold this stress even after everything is fine. The more EQ a person has, the more he or she will be able to control his or her stress in a normal way. And the less stress you have, the more possible you are to stay healthy. Stress is the main source of many major diseases, including heart disease and hypertension.

•Mental Well-being: Emotional cause various mental problems among us. Therefore, it is important to control the emotions and attitudes that are born in different affairs for ones mental well-being. Emotions cannot have bad effects on us. If we find out the cause of our emotions and feelings, and control them by perceiving how logical it is to indulge them.

•Good relationship: Happiness, peace and success in our lives depend largely on our relationship. If we can understand the feelings of ourselves and others and respond accordingly, we will be able to hold our relationships much better. At the same time, this aspect of emotional intelligence also helps in building new relationships.

•Success : No matter where you want success, if you have a high standard of emotional Intelligence, your chances of success will widen a lot. Many times we give up after the initial failure on the way to achieving the goal. Emotional Intelligence is also very helpful in maintaining self-confidence by motivating oneself in this case.

•Leadership : The key to being a successful leader is to understand the feelings of your followers and what they want, and to guide them accordingly. It is possible for a leader with high EQ to build a much stronger and more effective team.

 We have highlighted the importance of Emotional Intelligence in our lives. It is needed in every aspect of our life. It is said that emotional Intelligence (EI/EQ) is more important than having a better IQ. Because it develops one's ability to judge and react to people around them. EI is more important than IQ in any kind of workplace. Research in 2013 said 71% people value emotional intelligence in an employee more than IQ. 59% employers would not hire someone who has a high IQ but low EI/EQ. 75% are more likely to promote an employee with high EI/EQ over one with a high IQ.

Proper Emotion can make a man's life better in every aspect. What is meant by proper Emotion? Philosopher Aristotle's famouse qoute "anyone can get angry (and) it's easy. But with the right time, with the right purpose and in the right way, getting angry (at all) is not an easy task"

We have discussed the importance of emotional intelligence. Now we are moving forward to seeing the structure of emotional intelligence and how it was founded.

The founder of emotional intelligence are Peter Solovey and John D.Mayer. They gave the term 'Emotional Intelligence' in 1990 describing it as a form of social Intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and others feelings and emotions. After five years in 1995, the concept of emotional intelligence was popularized after the publication of Daniel Goleman's book 'Emotional Intelligence : why it can matter more than IQ" according to Daniel Goleman's, there are 5 key pillars of emotional intelligence. They are:

Emotional Awareness : self-awarnesses is having a clear idea about one's motivation emotions and personality. Have a clear idea of his likes and dislikes, aspect of his weakness and strengths, and his own abilities to understand what kind of feelings works in him in any situation and how he will feel in any situation in the future. Keep your thoughts, beliefs, values and expectations clear to yourself.

Self-Regulation: It is the ability to recognize one's emotions properly and to adapt to different emotional situations accordingly. Human beings are always optimistic, start different activities on their own initiative and are ready to conform to any environment. He can control anger even properly. It can also create emotions between oneself or others as needed. We can upgrade our strength to Self-Regulate if we keep this thing in our mind.

1) Knowing our values

(2) Holding ourselves accountable

(3) Practicing being calm

Motivation: Self-motivation covers our personal drive to develop and achieve, commitment to our goals, initiative or keenness to act resilience. How can we improve our self-motivation? Follow-

(1) Re-examine why we're doing our job

(2) Knowing where we stand

(3) Be hopeful and find something good

Empathy: The leaders who have empathy are critical to administering a successful unit or organization. They have the qualification to put themselves in someone else's situation. They help to develop the people on their team, challenge others who are acting unfairly, give positive feedback and listen to those who need it. How can we improve our empathy?

(1) Putting ourselves in someone else's position

(2) Pay attention to body language

(3) Respond to feelings

Social Skills: Leaders who do well in the social skills element of emotional intelligence are great communicators. They're just as open to hearing bad news as good news. With good social skills they are also good at administering change and resolving conflicts diplomatically. To improve social skill we should keep these in ourselves-

(1) Learning conflict resolution

(2) Improving our communication skills

(3) Learn how to praise others

Key Points of these five backbones: To be dynamic, leaders must have a solid knowledge of how their emotions and actions affect the people. The better a leader relates to and works with others, the more successful he or she will be. Take the time on self-awarness, Self-Regulation, empathy and social skills. Working on these areas will help you Excel in the future.

Is emotional intelligence a natural talent? Can emotional intelligence be thought? Many of us have this question in our mind. The Good news is that while some people have EQ as a natural talent, for those that don't, EQ skills can be learned. We can learn how to interact more effectively at work and increase our emotional intelligence. To make this happen, we need to be personally motivated to do this. To develop our emotional intelligence we should keep an eye on the signs of low emotional intelligence. Here are some of them-

(1) You get stressed easily

(2) You have difficulty upholding yourself

(3) You have limited emotional vocabulary

(4) You make assumptions quickly and defend them vehemently

(5) You hold grudges

(6) You don't make mistakes

(7) You often feel misunderstood

(8) You don't know your triggers

(9) You don't get angry

(10) You criticize other people for how they make you feel

(11) You're easily horrified

These are the primary sign that you're lack of Emotional Intelligence. Now the most crucial question is how can we improve those areas.

Ways to increase Emotional Intelligence: Emotional Intelligence can be upgraded through self-effort and coaching. Some elements need to be acquired in order to increase Emotional Intelligence. There are many strategies for acquiring each quality. Some of these strategies are discussed here:

(1) Do you know the names of the emotions? Write down on a piece of paper. Which of these have you experienced yourself? When? Under what cases? Write that too.

(2) Write down on a separate piece of paper how you feel each day.

(3) Did your body change during the feeling. Find out what kind of physical change take place in your emotions.

(4) Try to figure out what thoughts work behind each emotions. If required, take the help of someone experienced.

(5) Make a list of the situations in which your emotions are under your control and the situations in which your emotions are not under control.

(6) Inspect the situations in which you lose control. Find out what kind of thoughts were working in you at that time. Consider whether the thought is right or wrong. Find out what is right thought if wrong.

(7) Build up your happiness by controlling your thoughts. For this, stay in the present without staying in the past and distant future.

(8) If you have a problem or stress, find numerous ways to solve it and find the right way to solve the problem. If you can't solve it, try to accept it.

(9) Recognize your physical or nonverbal expression is correct along with your feelings.

(10) Try to reading other people's nonverbal language.

(11) Try to capture the feelings of others. in this case, it is easy to understand if you imagine yourself in his place.

(12) When talking to another person, speak with respect to his or her feeling and position and express what you understand.

(13) Practice expressing your feelings nicely. if necessary, take feedback from someone experienced. Do not store negative emotions.

(14) Notice the relationship your own feelings and those of others.

(15) Practice presenting yourself well and learn to make nice requests, say no, and Practice accepting requests if they are rejected.

(16) Learn to apologize for mistakes.

(17) Work on setting needs and goals. Honor yourself for getting the job accomplished at the right time.

(18) Practice working in unity with the team. Strengthen communication with people. Identify where problems are appearing and how to deal with them.

(19) Acquire leadership qualities and manufacture the ability to follow.

(20) Have at least some ideas about recent and current issues.

It is possible to increase and develop emotional Intelligence by taking the steps suggested above. However, there are a few disadvantages of being very emotionally intelligent. Higher EI include lower levels of creativity and innovation capability. People with high EQ tend to be great at building relations and working with others but may lack the necessary level of nonconformity and unconventionality to challenge the status quo.

We may meet people with Emotionally Unintelligent people. We have to negotiate with them by the help of our EQ. There are a lot of disagreement between someone with high EQ and someone who lacks EQ. People with high EQ are curious about people. They welcome change in their life. They knows what is his strengths and weaknesses. Difficult to offend and good judge of character. The most important is they let go mistakes.

While people with low EQ always live in anxiety and depression. They don't try to move ahead. Get offend easily and they don't know literally what they are doing.

Having a good EQ impact our life. It influence undoubtedly in our personal and business life. Good EQ help us to make good determination. We can explore ourselves to others and get what we need from them. But also giving others what they really want. It take care of our body and especially to manage our stress is directly linked to our EQ. It facilitate Improved physical and mental health. At the end it help us to achieve personal and professional success.

Here is the conclusion of emotional Intelligence: It is a proactive system that will help you become more sufficient whatever you walk of life. If your emotions are controlling you rather than controlling your emotions, you need to develop your EI.

"Emotional Intelligence is a master aptitude a capacity that profoundly affects all other abilities, either facilitating or interfering with them" -Daniel Goleman