#images are a pain sometimes
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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#art#my art#fuzzy au#blood#Idk how many of you know that the whiskers on a cat are also expressive of pain#if they’re all puffed up like that and also combined with the floppy ears it means that it’s going through so much pain#and sometimes it’s not physical pain#actually idk if this is vent art lol I’m js feeling a bit down now but I just had this image in my head all day
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Cregan cradling their first child, singing softly to the babe as midwives swarm around the room, tending to Jace.
He has fallen into slumber, they tell him. It is not likely his husband will wake up.
Memories of similar words wrap around his neck and tug at his heart. Arra had gone just the same, years before.
Cregan could see her eyes in Jace's, mixed with the eyes of his brother as he died as well. Death so common to him now, it felt like an unwanted relative. Did it have to visit so often? Did it have to take so much?
"Eyron," Jace said, softly and so, so tired. "Promise me," he whispered but fell quiet before he could continue, hand going limp on his own. Cregan was beyond words at his husband's paling face. He kissed him softly on the forehead.
His prince was burning still.
He took his son from the wet nurse. He was big, like his brother was when he was born, and warm against his chest. Cregan brushed the little wisps of brown hair aside. Eyron had good lungs if his cries meant anything, but he quieted down as Cregan held him.
"It's fine, it's all fine, stop crying now," he whispered only for his child to hear. "Your father needs rest now, you need to quiet." He ran one big finger against the babe's nose. Letting a lullaby he used to sing to Rickon pass throguh his lips softly.
It was about a knight, going home to his spouse, and reuniting with his love. Cregan's voice didn't falter once as he held his second son. Jace's first.
Even when they shared the same coloring in their features, The Wolf of the North swore, Eyron had Jacaerys' eyes.
#jacegan#jacaerys velaryon#JACE IS NOT DEAD#he wakes up after a few days and they get to be a happy family i swear#cregan stark#or anything that makes it able for them to have a child together#this is omegaverse in my head#it doesnt have to be omegaverse#I just saw the image of Cregan holding their babe while jace is asleep after the brith and it holds so much pain and fear and hope#childbirth can be so daunting sometimes everything could go wrong much more in fantasy worlds like these
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I'm so normal about these two (I'm not)
The ref comes from here
(psst: you can find the nsfw version here 👀)
#happy pride month from these fuckers (affectionate)#i drew shart's hair to reflect where they are rn in candor's playthrough#it felt weird drawing her w/ white hair (even though im planning on the selune route for her) b/c she doesnt have it yet#candor is a terminal hopeless romantic and i love that for him#its been kinda funny working on the shadow curse quest b/c he's usually helpful but also kind-of a pain in the ass about it#but halsin asks him to do something and its like 'yes sir do you want anything else while im out? 🫡🥺'#im excited to have him in the party finally. sometimes found family is a throuple and one (1) githyanki#bg3#my art#bg3 art#bg3 fanart#bg3 tav#bg3pride#candor delmar#nightingales#shadowheart#shadowheart x tav#bg3 tiefling#tiefling bard#bg3 bard#trans oc#queer artist#commissions open#digital art#redraw meme#my post#art meme#ship meme#ship art#image id in alt text
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gender complaining
It's so hard to find male friends with ANY knowledge of fat politics. I have a few, but any politically fat event I go to (e.g. Bigger Bodies Boston events, explicitly fat clothing swaps, etc) is always 99% women. Which, like, that is cool for them, but 1) I always worry people will be uncomfortable that there is A Man at what they may have assumed will be a 100% women event, 2) due to gender roles, my experience of fatphobia is generally different to most women's, and it would be nice to have more people to talk to who 2a) related to that through their own life experiences and 2b) were in a similar kvetch ring to me gender-wise, and 3) as a trans man it is a LITTLE dysphoria inducing ngl
I am just going to have to start some kind of fat men's consciousness-raising group myself, aren't I
#what if I want to meet fat men who know MORE about fat politics and weight stigma than me???#I've read like 2 books and do not study public health or whatever. what would give me the authority#also those would be just absolutely enormous emotions to hold in my hands.#like. I know from personal experience these topics are intense and painful. am I really ready to invite other people to share those stories#and to handle it let alone be helpful#idk#it's just lonely sometimes that's all#boring text posts#genderfuckery#body image
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thinking about how slay it is that, though misao is bisexual, she has a heavy lean towards women and so for pride month... misao is gonna be rocking the colors of the sapphic pride flag whenever she can 🩷🤍💜 because misao just loves women so much okok. and she has only really been in love with one man throughout her time on earth thus far, so they pretty much have misao's whole heart
#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#i mayyy talk about that man sometime soon but i'm not entirely sure when. though anyhow HAPPY PRIDE MONTH Y'ALL!! WOOHOO#just the mere image of misao being happy to just chill with her partner that may or may not have a purple color scheme-#to it and is kind of majestic because it is also ABSOLUTELY one of those beds that has a canopy to it is so precious to me TBH 🥺
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his expression in the manga is soooo like it's actually killing me.....
#the Pain and anguish and relief oh my god#i get that anime can sometimes look a bit flat and also the black and white of manga makes for a more stark and sharp image but#i wish they captured that expression in its entirety it's heart wrenching
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r/v + loneliness.
102 / Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca, ch. 4 / 4 / 8 / Art Wallace, Shadows on the Wall / 603 / Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca, ch 4. / 473 / Richard Sherman, Demo: "Lovely, Lonely Man/Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Finale" / 2
#➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure,miss winters.#➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery.#compilation tag#idk I have just been Thinking about this since that gifset lol.#‘I’ll blame it on you‚’ she says — because you are the one who has brought me here‚ she thinks#because she seems to anticipate even in their first meeting that she will play Eyre and he Rochester.#there had better be many more such tête-à-tête’s on the cliff side or she’ll be terribly disappointed !#[and not only cliffside proselytizing: barging into her room at all hours‚ chasing her around town‚ dragging her bodily into the drawing#room‚ and‚ occasionally on a good day‚ an actual genuine date or a meal sometime.]#Roger has –– in theory –– everything that she wants. a family‚ a home‚ a wife and child‚ history and ancestry! boy does he have that!#and yet he is terribly terribly alone in this well he has poisoned.#(from which‚ I might add‚ vicki drinks greedily.)#''What do you want out of life?'' when he's already achieved (or so it appears on the outside) the midcentury blazon of success:#a family‚ a well-to-do office position at which he really does nothing‚ a succession of american-made sports cars.#he may be separated from his wife but together‚ he and elizbeth and david and carolyn form a mimetic image of the nuclear family.#to which vicki is desperate to grasp onto‚ even in its most nightmarish form‚ whether or not she realizes that's why she stays.#but what does he want? he wants the same thing she wants. love and companionship. (that he hasn't yet ruined. that he can't stop ruining.)#she may not precisely understand his type of loneliness but she knows about loneliness among people. she's lived it.#and she knows too about ... a visceral loneliness pushing you to push people even further away (as in the childhood story she tells david).#so she sees through his fronts a lot of the time‚ whether they be a layer of charm‚ or terror. and boy does he hate that. being seen for#something real. where his actions matter and produce consequences. where feeling is real – good or bad.#the little governess and her capacity to find shadows to throw light on! whether they be locked chambers in the basement or the atria.
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Found this really cool old guide into scanning (and cleaning!) manga panels that I thought could be of interest on here :) its from 2008 and is SO helpful. covers stuff like font choices, duplicating patterns from areas, cleaning up scans etc. some of it is a bit outdated (in terms of like. using photoshop from 2008) but i found it very helpful :)
#twist rambles#i dont like. edit manga regularly or am part of any scanlation group BUT. its helpful for me coloring bc good god sometimes the copying is#PAIN. and finding smth this old is really cool :) just click the image on the link to get started w it. sadly ops scan group is defunct now
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typology arguments are honestly a good writing exercise because everyone on that app is going to jump to your throat and try to kill you if you write something they slightly disagree with, and in order to express your opinions while managing to avoid it, you have to master talking absolute shit like no one has before. we're literally talking about a pseudoscience but as long as you quote carl jung, pretend you know what you're talking about and formulate yourself in a fancy way you've won
#not to mention that if you wanna type a character you have to analyze them in order to correlate them with a ttyp#and that's a bit of a pain sometimes#For example uh#Imma say tamaki ohshc because im writing an argument on him but like#i feel like sx7 isn't nearly as plausible as sx3 for him because sx7 is infantuated by abstract ideals#not to mention that e7 doesn't really care about social status because their only objective is to explore more and have more (gluttony)#With an almost asocial attitude#+ sx7 is the most openly gluttonous reactive type it's compared to sx4 and sx8#also sx7 ideals tend to be something above status#something extraordinary above terrenal pleasures#without focus on the real world#What im saying is that#tamakis not gluttonous at All he is fixated on a role he constructed in order to satisfy a necessity of validation and confirm his attracti#-veness which is projected on an ideal image based on his wishes from a social slash cultural perspective#Role being the king of the host club stuff#The ideal he chases is something terrenal and he is extremely dependent on social status#you can see him VISIBILY upset/sad when someone doesn't recognize him as the king#and then he tries to act even more attractive to be worthy of the title#the image he gives is based on tangible objective and real standards he constantly tries to adapt to#he NEEDS to feel desired. which discards e2 as 2s have a stupid exaggerated self perception of their self esteem and attractiveness#typology#mine#unreality#just in case. pdbers do not jump at your throat
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thinking about art a bit (as i always do... lol)
like... im kind of in the middle of like the perfect storm of being upset with my art. all the random ideas and inspiration i used to get frequently have fizzled up for reasons unclear (the classic Art Block) my different chronic pains make it so sitting down and drawing is painful and timeconsuming, external validation is unreliable due to social anxiety, i dont have the huge swaths of free time like i used to yadda yadda... but im still constantly on an undercurrent of like this primal "if i dont make art ill Die" urge
anyway all that is to say like. ive gotten kind of addicted to mspaint mouse drawings. cause like, every line i make just has a base nature of looking shitty. and every shape ends up way weirder than in my head. it has zero qol features. and how much i can improve things is limited not only my sense of how long im taking but also by like increasing pain lmao... its like all the ingredients of making me get really depressed are all right there. but when i still enjoy it and i still like what i drew despite how it looks bad and is not at all an inspired or interesting concept or even what my idea of what "art that i want to make" looks like, it somehow feels so great like damn i could get depressed at this and i have before but im not. its stupid and ugly but i like how i did x and y and drawing it was kinda fun. if i post it i get 0 notes or like 2 notes max but still just the act of posting art i made online is kinda fun on its own too. sooo yeah idk... its a bit freeing for me i think
thanks for reading my little chat......
#mir post#also yeahg i could find ways to make it less painful but sometimes youre just like yeah this hurts me but fuuuck iiit :P lol#tumblr makes every image huge on mobile. sorry. sorry.
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My dad saying everyone in this house could stand to just not eat for a couple days is living rent-free in my head still
*sigh*
#personal#vent#tw eating issues#tw body dysmorphia#holy fucking shit man#sometimes i wonder why i have such a hard time with my self-image and then he says some unhinged shit like this and im like#'oh yeah thats why'#yes were all overweight nobody's not aware of that fact#and your take is 'oh well let's just stop eating for a bit'#as if the reason we're all like this isn't a fucking eternal binge-restrict cycle???#as if the long-term health complications of not eating for a while are somehow less bad than the risks of obesity?#as if one person in this house isnt literally fucking bed-bound and ends up in a lot of pain just from going up the stairs?#hes gotten better about a lot of things since i moved back home but goddamn his diet opinions have gotten worse not better#im not even mad for myself at this point im mad for everyone else who isn't going to question his harmful ass takes and internalize it#fucking hell
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Kaeya is rather touch averse, cringing away from casual contact people give him under the guise of being distracted or idle movement. He's used to it, the Ragnvindrs and Adenlinde got him used to frequent affectionate physical contact, but it can still be entirely Uncomfortable if he's touched by someone outside those he is close to or someone he's otherwise Allowed to touch him.
#hc; kaeya#//Mentioned before; but am Elaborating on other aspects since Aven get brain juices flowing for this#//Unlike Aven; he's FAR more tolerable of people who touch him unprompted. & more willing to indulge for himself outside his comfort people#//Unless he himself had actively given the indication he doesn't want it; in that case THEN he's likely to anger & retaliate#//But yeah; his response is usually Discomfort & trying to get away from it one way or another. Can tolerate it to appear friendly; sure#//But would rather not want people to touch him so easily. Is decently okay with brief touches tho; like shoulder pats or the like#//Will actively lean into it & encourage further touching ONLY as a means to an end; adjusting any wandering hands only when going too far#//Esp if he can use that like a carrot on a string–if they concede to what he wants; they can touch him more. Maybe MORE than just that too#//He won't initiate any touch unless he deems it Absolutely Necessary; WILL internally scream if they Immediately reciprocate the contact#//Uses it as a 'reward' sometimes; a little pinch of the cheek; a hug; getting right into their space; if he sees they'll react favorably#//Maybe more if they have connection enough; like Huffman or one of his longer-running liaisons. Is p ok w/ sleeping w/ them as reward#//Sometimes he forgets some people don't like that he does this; like Rosie. Tries the tactic to get a favor then Remembers#//Absolutely apologizes; feels mortified when she scrutinizes him for it. Esp since she'd be one of few ppl who KNOWS just how Averse he is#to it in the first place. Him slipping up like that in front of HER is smth he'd STRESS over. She could hold over his head for all he knows#//How can he even joke abt it? Worse if she asks abt his way of doing things or indicate she doesnt Like that he uses himself as bait#//Has absolutely accidentally tried to seduce/bait sb like that who he absolutely should Not have. Like Jean. Ended up playing it off like#a joke between friends; but damn near had a panic attack from the guilt the moment he was safely in his office. bc Jean is SPECIAL to him#could he treat her like THAT? How could he almost let her SEE that side of him? His casual charm and facade are ONE thing#//But him actively doing something like THAT; esp for Jean of all people; is COMPLETELY off-limits; no matter his feelings#//Actually; especially BC he harbors feelings for her. Ppl like Lisa on the other hand; he is VERY comfortable doing this with/to#//She GETS the flirty habit & dishes it back without losing image of him in the way someone he regards at Jean's level possibly could#//And as far as Lisa knows; it's Only a playful habit; not a means to an end. The ones who prolly Know might be certain folks in the church#//But that's just bc he gets frequent checkups after every lil Rendezvous of his. Which is why he's got dirt on Every Single Person There#//Except Barbara; but he absolutely makes SURE she's not the one he's dealing with whenever he goes. Wants to spare her his messes#//Damn; veered a little but it's alright. 'A little'; HA. Nah; my tags are but the cluttered corkboard of my thoughts jhdbfjdf#//Diluc; Addie & Jean are the people he most Fears finding out abt his methods. Doesnt wanna THINK abt how they'd feel/regard him after tha#//Knows for SURE it'd be painful if the way they treat him changes even a SLIGHT. ESP Addie; he can bear the other two; but Addie???#//Nah; he'd be fucken DEVASTATED. That's the ONE person he knows hold true unwavering unconditional love for him; no matter what#//To do anything to damage that? He'd be so fucken GUTTED. He expects everyone to get fed up with/disdain him at some point. But not HER#//Keeps this shit on the down low by always having dirt on the people he gets Involved with; if not using keeping it up as an incentive
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Was having a good day after that HCQ stream but I’m :’D
#having a really bad flare up today#the pain is so bad#it scares me#it scares me so much#i just hope i can walk fine on my own tomorrow#if i cant#i dunno how ill be able to go to work#i probably will bc i have my meds when i get like this i can still end up walking#but it scares me so much still#bc what if its just one of those random times that i get it that suddenly i have to go back to the doctor#i hate thiss#im glad to be getting treatment but it takes forever to get it and its so goddamn expensive#i dont even have a proper diagnosis yet#just some bloodwork and imaging as i wait for an appointment#and i still need to see if i can be tested for eds too if theres a genetic clinic somewhere#sorry to vent here a bit just having a very hard time#i hate my body sometimes#for many reasons but partially for the pain#i just turned 19 last month#i shouldnt be stuck in my bed unable to sleep bc of pain so unbearable#when i havent even injured myself its just the way my body is#chronic pain is a bitch
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i have found a font, started hunting for images, was reminded that the uae website literally does not use a font that has č in its database. just another day i guess
#sometimes when im really desperate for hq images i go to the team websites#and sometimes i even find good images. not today. today its only pain#im fine with reading a wildly different font midway through word but im questioning at which point this becomes an accessibility issue#might look into it and get angry some day. who knows#erika.txt
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I know we keep talking about it but I’m still so uneasy at the potential thought that Taylor was so worried about the impact she had on her loved ones that she sliced off parts of her self bit by bit (first publicly and later privately) out of love for her partner to give him the security she thought he craved and in return probably assumed she would receive his unconditional support to create and grow and love at home to strike a balance that would work for both of them. But instead it seems that when she was the one who needed support and compassion, she was met with silence, and ultimately for every inch she gave the person took a mile and ran until she had nothing left to give 😵💫
#wrote this in the middle of the night and hurt my own feelings#I’m so proud of her for sticking up for herself#but sometimes it baffles me how much was happening behind the scenes#that the entire public image we had of them was wrong for so long#like I’m not being parasocial or whatever#more like detached observation as a pop culture consumer#‘I know my pain is such an imposition’ is sooooooooooooo#and has lived rent free in my mind since last spring#anyway ttpd is gonna fuck
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