#as if one person in this house isnt literally fucking bed-bound and ends up in a lot of pain just from going up the stairs?

[rinofwater]

My dad saying everyone in this house could stand to just not eat for a couple days is living rent-free in my head still

*sigh*

[theshabozengine]

Rank the mainline persona and SMT protags by skill in bed.

Alright finally I can make my opinions about SMT sex known

So right at the bottom of the fucking list is Yu from Persona 4

any fucking dipshit that dresses like this is is 100% bound to expect you to do all the work in bed while he lays there like a dead rotting fish. The only fucking fingerbang this man is aware of is the fucking South Park one because he thinks its edgy and cool to watch South Park. He also friendzones you immediately after he pump-and-dumps, riding off into the fucking sunset expecting you to be happy about this outcome.

Never EVER get you a man like this.

Next up is Boy With Earring from Persona 1

This man just does not fuck, plain and simple. He looks at you, see how you’re dressed and scoffs at the idea of getting dirty with you. This man has no human drives whatsoever. This creature is barely sapient, yet still a better more considerate lover than Yu. Has a weird thing for ice play though.

Third worst is Flynn from SMT4

Now its not his fault, unfortunately. See he’s friends with two other dumbasses and theyre constantly interrupting whenever he tries to get things started. Sometimes youll even be gently kissing Flynn, looking deep into his eyes when suddenly his gaze goes behind you, eyes filling with worry and you dont have time to brace yourself as you hear the shout: “ILL END IT THUS” and then your asshole is on fire because his dickhead friend didnt use any lube and its just an overall bad experience cuz then you have to keep trying to start the night with Flynn over but Walter keeps fucking showing up so you have to keep pray for the love of God that Isabeau escorts this dumbass out but then because you thought of God suddenly Jonathan’s there now and he’s just a mood killer and the night’s ruined and its just...

Its really not Flynn’s fault, but he will never be able to satisfy his partner.

Next up is the Tamaki duo from If

They really wanna try their best in bed but just look at these two, they have no idea what theyre doing. They can be redeemed if you feel you can teach them the ropes, but thatll be a whole long drawn out process and itll take them a very long time to understand the concept of an orgasm.

Kei Azume from NINE is next on the chopping block

This dumbass is just high, constantly, and the sheer reek of weed nugs permeating through his sheer existence deletes any and all desire a person could ever feel around them. Look at this Shaggy-looking mother fucker. This dumbass lives in a van and fucks his dog. However, unlike Yu, the dog at least gets an orgasm from Kei.

Unfortunately next on the list is Joker from Persona 5

He really really wants to fuck good, and boy he sure does try, however he always talks about how adults suck which brings up too many questions while his dick is inside you, an adult, and he always tries to finish you off with some sort of unexpected sex move which is always 100% predictable and obvious as he telegraphed it the entire time. Not only that, but this whole time hes been acting weird and you try to enjoy what he really has been doing well his fucking cat just walks up and sits with his asshole directly next to your fucking face, and Joker refuses so shoo the cat and now you just keep glancing to the cat asshole every once and a while by accident whereupon you become very conscious of its existence every so often, and having that sight paired with getting pleasured the whole time leaves weird echo effects in your mind like Pavlov’s Cat Taint ringing through your brain.

Then it turns out his cat was fully aware of how awful it was being the whole time and doesnt apologize and in fact expects you to apologize for waking it up with all your stupid moaning. Bad experience overall, evne if Joker himself is very good at sex.

Next is Tatsuya from Persona 2.

He’s really eager to try and help you out, but ultimately his fingers just cant reach the way you want them to, his tongue’s just a bit too slow, and he cant thrust his hips well enough to hit the spots you want. Always out-shined by the people from beyond this point, but a nice enough guy that you wouldnt mind at least trying with him a few times.

Next is Nanashi from Apocalypse.

This absolute fucking retard has no idea what’s going on at any time during his entire life, however his big brother Dagda who’s always creepily standing behind him even when youre trying to fuck can at least guide him through it. With his guidance he can fuck like a champ, however you have to deal with Dagda watching intently the whole time and just muttering “ You've got a lot of work ahead of you, kid... And you're going to learn firsthand just how pathetic gods, demons, and humans are. Remember one thing, my Godslayer: You have no choice but to obey me.“ every five fucking minutes. Good sex but HORRIBLE experience overall.

Bit controversial this next one, but Demi-Fiend from SMT3 is next on the list.

Now his kicks are fucking great, he always listens to what you have to say, and hes a great partner overall however...hes way too rough in bed. Like there’s being rough and then theres getting donkey punched and a neck sprain and massive internal bruising. Itll be really good for a while, but unless you can stop it real quick hes gonna get really rough. This man has no control once he gets going. He will continue to escalate the situation and unless you can yell your safeword louder than an undead monk screaming he aint gonna hear. Dangerous, but youll definitely cum.

Next is Protag from SMT1

Bold choice, I know, but he will always try and pay attention to your tender areas and watch your face carefully for any reaction however slight, and then log it all in his stupid fuckin Google smart watch. Itll be a good fuck, really, but youll also have to deal with him taking a break every once and a while to fucking log it all. Does have a very big dog too, if you’re into that kinda thing I suppose.

Aleph from SMT2 just squeaks ahead of Protag

This man is just the exact same person with the exact same flaws and everything, except minus a dog. However, he knows hes packing some fucking meat in his factory. Every single other character on this list has absolutely no fucking crotch protection except Aleph. Aleph here knows hes got a fucking pool noodle packed away and hes gotta fuckin protect it. He will create a water park in anyone’s pants once he drops trow and shows off. Astolfo’s Monster cock? Nothing compared to this man.

As with Aleph, Maya also fucks like a champ.

She knows what she wants out of her sexual experience with you and what she wants is 15 simultaneous shared orgasms, and by god shes gonna fucking get it. She will run at you like a fucking Terminator and clothesline you so you hit the bed stunned as she takes absolute control of the situation. You will not be able to move a muscle once shes done, and it will be as though your Mara ran entirely out of MP. Only real flaw is once she’s done, she gives you a temporary tattoo of hearts around your nipples like her dumb fuckin shirt to mark her territory. If youre into it, then she’ll make it permanent.

Next up is SMT5 protag holding the copper trophy. Game isnt ever going to come out but you just know how nasty this slut is.

Look at this idiot, this absolute fucking baboon. This fucking man who fought Sweeney Todd to death and won barehanded gives no fucks. Look at his awful fucking outfit and his garbage fucking haircut, then realize that even with all this he is confident. He’s a chad even with all this stuff that everyone else would tear to shreds. Why? Hes one of the best in bed. He’s fucked everyone who tried to step to him out of house and home. Once this monster’s engines rev up he will force you to see heaven. “Oh, hon, I just want one orgasm tonight” you might try to say before he can make you see white but then he just fuckin looks at you and smirks. That one orgasm you have is so fucking powerful you become dehydrated for a month.

With the silver comes Makoto Yuki from P3

Similar to SMT5 above, this man should be bullied into oblivion but hes not. Why? Sex god. This man is so fucking powerful at sex he literally gets a clay golem and a robot to fawn over him for the rest of their eternal lives. This man fucked so hard his friends all got mindbroken once he moved on and they foguht each other to the death for the right to his dick. This man fucks so well that he defeated fucking death with the power of how much everyone loved his dick. When this man died from fucking too much you know what he did? He went on to fuck concepts and evil gods instead. This man literally ascended to a higher power through the sheer power of dickening. Also when he fucks you his music choice is the best for breeding.

And with the gold: Doomguy from Strange Journey

This absolute perfect specimen has literally everything a person could ever ask for: His cock fits snug, virile, fit, handsome, and best of all hes independent. He doesnt need to rely on an tricks or anything to get your orgasms flowing, hes just the pinnacle of sex. This man marches into your father’s house, and just through sheer presence without a single word said makes your father beg him to take your hand in marriage. Marriage whereupon he will be the perfect husband and always treat you with respect, and even if you mess up he will forgive you and help you through any difficult periods in your life.

Literally everything and anything you could want in a man: If you like it rough, he can do it. You want it gentle he can play ball. Whatever hole you want him to stick it into hes got the perfect way to arch his hips to fit what you wanna feel at any point in time. Ooh baby, absolutely get you a perfect man like him. The planet Earth itself tried to woo him, but he said no since he knew the person reading this post was out there, and he wanted to make sure he was there to love you.

[s3venpounds]

1-59

yo

1. selfie (no can do, i honestly am too lazy and i have no clue how to add photos into these lel)

2. what would you name your future kids? Skylark, Silver, Thorn, Pas

3. do you miss anyone? yes

4. what are you looking forward to? waking up to a S.O that loves me, a house that we both love, a job I love, income I can live off comfortably, and the only source of stress I have is if something isnt routine

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? @artbeetle hands down

6. is it hard for you to get over someone? yeah

7. what was your life like last year? happier

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? nope

9. who did you last see in person? Aleksi

10. are you good at hiding your feelings? nope. I’m an open book.

11. are you listening to music right now? yeah, the beauty and the beast soundtrack Evermore lol

12. what is something you want right now? a million dollars would be nice

13. how do you feel right now? groggy and i have a stomach ache from last night so not feeling 100% right now

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? a long time now that i think about it. i guess thats my fault since i’ve been avoiding hugs because i’m still worried people think of me as the “wheres my hug?” guy from middle school lol

15. personality description: a steaming pile of bile tbh. loud when I’m trying too hard to be friends with you, cuss like a trucker, quiet when youre in the innermost circle of friends. i make a lot of jokes that cross lines and unless someones seriously offended and says something I don’t stop.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? yes

17. opinion on insecurities. go ahead and have them, just don’t let them become permanent. you only have so much time in this world and youre going spend it worrying about other people who will forget everything in like 10 years max? like no one really cares if you tripped on nothing that one time. sure they’ll laugh but realistically theyll laugh for about 15 minutes then forget it completely by the next 3 days.

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago? yeah

19. have you ever been to New York? nope. dont plan to.

20. what is your favourite song at the moment? Lie To Me George Nozuka

21. age and birthday? 21, may 17

22. description of crush. she’s reliable, comforting, pleasant to be with, gives off an air of happiness and contentment, easy on the eyes and knows how to keep the flow of conversations or mood going. She can be spontaneous or mysterious when she wants to. She warms my heart with her smile and I will never forget the little thing her cheeks do when she does smile.  

23. fear(s) death. thats it. 

24. height 5 foot 6 i think. i may have grown to 5 foot 7 haven’t measured in a while. wish i grew more tho

25. role model my friend William lol he is goals.

26. idol(s) I don’t really keep track of any celebrities so none really.

27. things i hate. 3 people i hate specifically, uhhhh break ups, my dad, some “friends”, when apologies arent enough( otherwise whats the point of having the word exist), when I take a joke too far and it hurts a relationship I like, when i stub my toes or bang my fingers on something, when friends snapchat me of a hangout I wasn’t invited or even told about when the whole group is there, when people are at a dance and everyone forms that dance circle for random people to go in and dance their heart out then someone busts out breakdancing in a crowd thats literally the worst group of dancers( like seriously i dare you to watch that shit. unless someone has some serious balls no one will go in the circle after that for a whole 5-10 minutes because no one can follow that up. like thats fine if youre in a group of other really good dancers or break dancers but like come on man. thats like having a seasoned and grown ass michael jordan in your middle school basketball game. )

28. i’ll love you if… you make me a handmade gift, you tell me you were thinking of me, you give me a lot of attention lol, you share your food with me, you try some of my favourite games or watch my favourite animes with me, we end up saying the same shit at the same time, do crazy shit with me, ride rollercoasters with me, if youre cold or something and you need to borrow my jacket or sweater i will gladly lend it to you unless its like - 30 then we share lol, if you rant to me or vent to me. if you keep the conversation going unless you know im in a bad mood or something serious happened

29. favourite film(s) Treasure planet. thats it. 

30. favourite tv show(s) Spider riders? di gata defenders, samurai jack, martin mystery, totally spies, jacob two two, team galaxy, ben 10 ( only up to ultimate alien and alien force, the rest sucked), code lyoko, master chef, chopped, medabots, gundam seed, the weekenders, code name kids next door, uhh theres probably like 30 other ones but nothing else i can remember off the top of my head.

31. 3 random facts I have a bottle of taro flavoured gin sitting beside my desk, I have reading glasses, I like the feeling of cleaning my ears with cotton swabs

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? guys. although in highschool it was girls

33. something you want to learn? the italian, korean, and japanese language. maybe russian. I want to learn how to juggle and do card tricks, I want to learn everything about my friends, I want to learn how to profile someone and deduce things sherlock style. I also want to learn more about volleyball tbh

34. most embarrassing moment. I pooped my pants while at a friends 6th birthday and my brother had to help me

35. favourite subject. English. I like poetry the most

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? To be in a rowboat in Venice Italy with my significant other under the moonlight and right as we’re about to kiss, fireworks go off in the distance. to be a world renowned psychologist/psychiatrist but working in my old high school trying to help people who are bound to do the same dumb ass shit I did. to wini the lottery or just raise enough money off a really good paying job i like to send my parents back home to philippines like they dreamed. 

37. favourite actor/actress. Mary Elizabeth Winstead or Ellen Page

38. favourite comedian(s) Gabriel iglesias, christopher titus, bo burnham

39. favourite sport(s) volleyball, i dont play many others

40. favourite memory: that one day at cap ex. “ what about this ship?” “ well, we’ll see where it takes us”

41. relationship status pringle.

42. favourite book(s) perks of being a wallflower, eleanor and park, Somebody up there hates you, nick and norah’s infinite playlist, an abundance of katherines

43. favourite song ever Pocket full of dreams by hedley

44. age you get mistaken for: no one guesses my age

45. how you found out about your idol: i met him lol hes my friend’s boyfriend

46. what my last text message says “ like I don’t want to get out of bed”

47. turn ons:  Short hair, freckles, dimples, tits that fit perfectly in my hand or bigger is cool too, into kinky shit, still makes jokes even in sex( not all the time though), likes passionate aggressive sex, tom boyish, asian, very physically touchy/clingy, smells nice, soft skin, tongue when kissing, knows how to dirty talk or sound seductive.

48. turn offs: smells bad(breath or body odor), those dirty white people dreadlocks, being like professional body builder ripped levels, and sure fuck it I’ll say it; being extremely overweight. 

49. where i want to be right now, Venice Italy

50. favourite picture of your idol again, can’t do photos. too dumb

51. starsign Taurus

52. something i’m talented at , guessing a pokemon after hearing its cry only applicable to the first 2-3 generations

53. 5 things that make me happy. friends, food, sleep, money, video games

54. something thats worrying me at the moment. my future and how dark it is

55. tumblr friends I dont have many and the ones i do have i don’t know if i should tag on here

56. favourite food(s) bbq ribs, pulled pork, pizza, bimbimbap, filipino bbq skewers, tosino, lechon kawale, lechon adobo, insemada(not sure how to spell that), pasta, and curry

57. favourite animal(s) cats

58. description of my best friend, hes asian

59. why i joined tumblr, my friend kept using inside jokes and memes from tumblr so i got curious