#im very incoherently rambling

[steampunkedparm]

gods fuck i figured it out moonsetter is aching loneliness, its isolation, its that faint hint of optimism when you step outside, its knowing your fucked but pushing on anyways trying to fruitlessly reach out and grasp what matters

[terracottakore]

i think false should be able to do anything she wants 💚💛❤️

week one of @shepscapades hermit character design challenge! thank you for hosting this lovely event

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Good morning I'm thinking about how Azure Lion's treatment of Monkey King kinda explains a lot about Monkey Kings teaching style in LMK

Azure absolutely lavished Wukong with praise in a manipulative sense, described him as something he really wasn't "I see non other fit to rule us than you brother" yada yada and everyone followed behind him because Azure's right! He says truthful stuff! Nevermind the others clearly never once thought of Monkey King as their leader. At least not until Azure said it. Because Monkey King in LMK wasn't a warring being, honestly he just seemed like a young adult being manipulated by much older adults.

Azure crafted Monkey King into someone who would fight his battles for him. Wukong was on the front lines, Wukong took the fall for it. He used his relationship with sun wukong to manipulate him into taking on Heaven and ngl atho I'm still kinda :T about it, (it takes away so much of Monkey Kings character,) it really does explain why he acts the way he does around Mk at the beginning.

Starting out he kept him at arms length. It was a while before he even made contact with him outside of sparring and the contact he makes with him is minimal from the start, a hand on his shoulder and never for long. (Azure's hand and gaze always lingered on Monkie King, when theyre about to go to war Azure doesnt let go, Wukong has to be the one to pull away.) He doesn't lavish him in praise ever if he can help it, he doesn't ever tell Mk he's something he's not and when stuff like Spider Queen and Lady Bone Demon happen his first reaction is to get Mk away from those things, not because he doesn't trust Mk, but maybe because he would never ever make Mk fight his battles like Azure Lion did him.

I dunno something something truama I'm sick rn

[seth-ballz]

i fear i may be wrong 🥲🥲

i did some math (quite literally) and i now think episode 7 will end just before the dreaded fight of mayuri vs pernida... so somewhere in chapter 635.

at least we kenmayu shippers get a crumb next episode, this scene is for sure getting animated

[thrumbolt]

It’s not true that Feyre’s trauma only shows up in the spring court or that it disappears in the night court. Just as she only once when surprised freaks out at the red of Lucien’s hair, she only sometimes is triggered in the NC. The first time she and Rhys fly after she leaves the spring court, she panics when she feels caged by his wings and Rhys has to back off. Mor doesn’t wear red for a bit to not trigger her. Then there’s the whole Prison plot where she can’t handle the Prison the first time because of her trauma and even when she eventually goes in, she’s freaking out.

Her trauma gets better with time even though she is still struggling on acowar and obviously it’s not every second or she wouldn’t have spent so much time with Lucien and been fine with his red hair all times except once when surprised

Thanks for the anon! You bring up some good points, but I still have to complain haha.

My issue is that she is not just triggered at Lucien's red hair. She is also triggered by red paint and red rose petals....and then never again. Red carpet at Rhys' just a few pages after she gets 'saved' from the spring court? Whatever. Cassian's red syphons? Nothing. That's bad writing, in my opinion. Either the dang color red reminds her of blood and triggers her, or it doesn't, but how it is almost immediately forgotten - that's just inconsistent (it would be definitely much more meaningful, if it slowly improved). Honestly I don't really remember her having any hangups in Acowar at all. And neither has Rhys. He gets like what, one nightmare and one sex position hangup? I was really disappointed that it just....went over so quickly. Maybe that's why I latch onto Tamlin? At least his issues aren't gone after a book. They even get worse as he doesn't seek help. It's just more compelling to me.

My biggest beef in this regard is that Feyre gets triggered getting locked in, but the first time she gets taken by Rhysand and HE locks her in a room, she's totally fine, despite being actually low key scared of him at that point still and him not taking her home despite her asking him to. It just makes no sense, even with the added wing scene (which I did not remember, so thanks for that). I get that in the Tamlin version she is hysterical (for lack of better term) so it ends in a panic attack, but still.

There's also the part of how she has all these freak outs in the spring court while she is totally able to just literally re-enact her UTM experience in hewn city. Did that not bother you? Yes Rhys calms her and shit, but I couldn't help but eyeroll at that.

In the end I think it's just very manipulative writing to prime you on Rhys good, Tam bad. Spring Court lame, Night Court awesome. When SJM wants something to happen in the plot, it will happen, no matter if it makes sense. Be it the Tamlin-Rhys switcheroo, the UTM sexy scene, the pregnancy plotline, what have you. It's why every new book retcons something from the previous ones.

Personally, I can float with that and accept the silliness of it all quite well. But in consequence it also means I do not take the trauma plot as serious as some and I really do not care whether or not Tamlin is abusive and so on....

[raspberryjellybrains]

I've been thinking a lot lately about identity, culture, parody, pastiche, and empathy (which I'm aware is a very broad umbrella, but bear with me.) I think a part of the reason why post-modernism doesn't resonate with younger generations as "art" is that its core conceit has become mainstream. There's still the critique of capitalist work as fetish which hasn't been taken up in the mainstream, but the overwhelm of images and ideas both industrial and organic pared down and/or magnified past the point of comprehension then replicated infinitely has become the general stew the internet is mired in. It is, by nature, the very thing depicted as perverse by earlier artists; thus, there's no edge to it anymore, simply another smooth rock wearing away at the boundaries between our selfhood and the world (if ever there was a meaningful delineation to be made.)

Further, I think the lack of self-awareness is deadly. When one takes every element of culture, regarding depth and meaning carefully, and creates something new from it (however scathing it may be towards the source material,) that is one thing; it is something entirely different to do so without care. This... loss of care in the handling of culture is a symptom of the panoptic nature of the internet. To regurgitate everything, it must first be swallowed, and before that? Ripped and shattered on the rocks of the gaze. The only way to avoid the gaze is to hide all noticeable traits until you blend in with the scenery, and to do that, you must erase every emotion, trait, or interest; you turn into a cold mask of a human, mocking your kind and taking the teeth you hardened to avoid into your mouth, becoming a new eye on the mutated tower of our own insatiable curiosity. This is a very roundabout way to refer to irony poisoning.

That poison does exactly what I outlined. It breaks the self whole, and blended with the most pernicious mechanisms of capitalism, sells the most delicate parts to the highest bidder. Pale copies of it are then disseminated as the real thing and turned into a hollow, post-modern collage of one's most sacred parts to cover the vicious nothing underneath. Pale copies of pieces of people destroyed become a collage element alongside hundreds of others for a trendy mask, long discarded in a years time.

Even the reason for this practice has become subsumed in its mimicry, rendering the perversion of post-modernism so two months ago.

[holland-vosijk-antari]

actually i am going to say a small thing about my love for both holland and merlin because HECK do i love them both and they are BOTH so sad (another badly worded stream of consciousness incoming)

they are both extremely tragic characters that spend their time with a goal in mind that they ultimately can't see through. for holland his aim in life is to heal his world and yet progress is only made after his death, with merlin his destiny is to keep arthur alive so he can unite the land but fails to do so and watches him die. both are forced to watch all those they love die having no time to grieve as their work is unceasing. their fight for survival means they can't let their guard down to someone without risking the life of that person as their very existence (holland as antari and merlin as a magic user in general) are targeted and killed in their worlds. neither have the chance to rest from their duties as merlin is forced to live on until arthurs foretold return and holland does not rest even after death as he "lives on" as a ghost. loneliness is a core aspect of both of them but while merlin is surrounded by people that love him but never truly get to know him, holland spends a great deal of time with people that know him in great detail like the danes but never treat him with any kindness (though he is also around many who dont know him and dont understand him too)

[technicalknockout]

Jethro appreciation post

[devotedlystrangewizard]

the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.

he never was.

[kijosakka]

and the thoughts taunt me yet again. its just becoming commonplace at this point to ramble on tumblr before i go to sleep uhhh

theres gotta be like, a liiitle bit of established characterization summed up beyond a mess of multi paragraph behemoth rambling posts in a rb chain to rehash canon properly um,,

^ general idea is of noah knowing chris and chef before TD is even conceptualized and growing up in the industry bc of it, if only ever behind the scenes and watching in < all of the posts are actually more character studies about being Wary of the Cameras than anything else but id like to look at canon if only just to try and puzzle out/outline developments and whatnot.

starting out pre-island and segueing into his little time on island (and still being majorly character study-y):

chris, with TD being a new show and all, has trouble filling out the cast, and being fussy about the specifics of his show, is willing to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find those three castmates to pad it out. hence; duncan, ezekiel, and noah

^ duncan and ezekiel both did send in audition tapes, while noah did not, (i'd imagine here something about the TD website having everyones audition tapes release once theyre eliminated as 'bonus content'. everyone, of course, except noah.) cause, you know. up until this point hes only ever been known in The Business as 'that snappy but has surprisingly good insight into the Business kid noah who accompanies mclean', but now hes being asked to join this show he wants no part in. hes perfectly willing to help out behind the scenes, wheres hes comfortable, but chris insists -- and eventually, noah gives in.

the caveat is that he goes into the show both knowing about the resort after elimination and hyperaware of the reality tv aspect. and since, in his mind, hes elimination fodder there to make sure they have a full cast roster, he delegates himself a background character and acts as such.

hes not meant to last long, so he singles out some traits and ideas and detaches his person from them. for the length of the entire show, noah knows he wont be a person. he'll be a character made up of one-liners and quips with no character motivations or involvement in any real plotlines, someone who you see how early they get eliminated and you go 'yeah, that makes sense' and then never think about again.

^ and this is very apparent from his first onscreen appearance -- it takes a good minute for the boat to go back and forth picking up contestants even if most of the spare footage is cut, and as people arrive, even if the camp is a disappointment there's a shared sense of wonder about being the people who made it onto the show they all collectively want to be on. they chat and share excited pleasantries and theres a sense of personality that is immediately apparent to their peers because of it -- except for noah. noah has his one back-and-forth with duncan and then lets himself fade into the background from there on out.

and at first, its a kind of deal where its just like 'alright. hes shy, thats alright!!", but then it continues into when theyre all sent off and distinctly off camera. you try to chat with noah, and he gives you a non-answer or a one-liner than would be great for an audience!...if anyone were watching.

the walk up the mountain for the first challenge is much of the same: no input on the speculation about the challenge, just unnerving blankness. his facial expression is unchanging, not like he was unphased by the challenge, but more like he just isnt there for it. like the plot doesnt demand his presence.

again and again the first impression they get of this guy is a weird, offputting uncanny valley sensation. he doesnt come off as a real person, he comes off as robotic and lifeless. and its weird. i'd imagine in terms of character relationships, a lot of characters would be weirded out by him and completely write him off, while some of the nicer would insist on giving him a chance to get used to everything.

the second challenge comes -- he has his whole fake-faceplant thing that hints at something more, but again. hes a collection of ideas, and one of those ideas could just be potential, overridden by his apathy and laziness; two other key ideas.

noah doesnt touch any of the food provided during that second-first-half bit, just stands blankly off to the side like hes being used for background filler. of course he doesnt, the cameras are right there. (does no one else understand that?)

^ [*]awakeathon comes and goes; noah falls asleep, and that's.... it. no scheme, no strategy, he just separates himself physically from the cast by a few feet, and gets cozy to sleep. and then he wakes up. no insight into the character like with, say, courtney or justin. no plotting like heather. just banal averageness. a play to be overlooked.

and what was he to do? there were no real opportunities for any of his 'collection of ideas' to slot in, so he fades into the background and lets everyone else take up the screentime.

[*there is, i imagine, a kind of alternate version of events where the kiss with cody does happen and can be used as further/a more clear incentive for the events of dodgebrawl to happen.

the reason ive cut it here is because just in the context of noah sticking so hard to his hyperawareness, i would imagine he would know of and preemptively try and take measures against any Sleep Shenanigans that may happen, or may even avoid sleeping for longer because of the possibility.]

and then its dodgebrawl; he sees his chance to really flaunt his non-substance. [*]noah hates physical activity, thats one of his main Ideas in his compartmentalized collection. which better challenge to utilize it in than this one? again, hes elimination fodder. as far as he's concerned, this works out perfectly.

[*this would kind of give you a reason to change his lack of athleticism if you so wished. theres an alternate-alternate version of canon keeping this same noahs background that i might post about on here at some point, but in said AU hes more physically adept bc of his past in behind-the-scenes work. whos to say he hasnt helped carry heavy set pieces or ran around during busy hours?

it could serve to be a) self indulgent to some degree, and who doesnt love that, but also b) further alienate him from his cast, where even one of the barest traits he exhibits is just flat out wrong.

or you could just keep it as-is, and alter his attitude towards anything physical while keeping his unathleticism. or it could just be one of his chosen (truthful) traits that he decides fits with his on-screen character. its pretty ambiguous]

he gloats and inserts his quips where he can, the book hes carrying really just there to really sell it -- in terms of the cast and their thoughts, its again strange.

hes saying Words, but theyre Detached from the character and demeanor. hes putting on a performance and hes selling it pretty well, but its still hard to shake how off something seems about it. but noah does sell it and he gets voted off, off to his long vacation stay which he is absolutely looking forward to.

he arrives at the island, he gives his character interview full of non-answers, and then -- well, thats it. or it would've been it had he not noticed the obscene explosion of popularity the show had from its debut. the general public loved it, and you know what happens to shows that people absolutely adore? they get approved for second seasons.

this is the fact that tips noah straight into barring himself from all interpersonal relationships, as he was already wary simply by virtue of them being his castmates --theyre on screen, on set with him. that changes a lot about your dynamic with someone. -- and that he never really knows if theyre being watched on the playa; it is network-owned at the end of the day. so both the uncertainty and 'confirmation' of a second season lead him to avoid the cast entirely. literally.

nobody sees anything of noah beyond flashes in peripherals, disappearing books from the living area, and dirty dishes -- until theyre called for filming of haute camp-ture. and while its obvious to everyone else that theyre treading lightly around him since they, you know, havent seen him at all, noah acts completely unchanged. no acknowledgement of his absence, just the same dynamic with his castmates hes always had on-screen.

afterwards, someone tries to get his attention, to be like 'hey?????', and noah dismisses them extremely flatly. like npc dialogue. and then he disappears again, until i triple dog dare you, which im going to say they just gather everyone outside and let them do their own things until someone spins them and they have to give a dare. noah sits himself on a pool chair in his swim shirt and trunks with a book and Does Not interact with the cast at all.

^ you could spin it where they get a bunch of dares from the contestants individually and just read off from where theyre listed or whatever but this would be a chance to have alternate povs noting exactly what the characters think of noahs separation from everyone

anyway theyre called on the island for the [*]finale between owen and gwen, and he lets himself fade into the background. his work is done, it has been done, and now he just has to wait for what the segue into the inevitable second season is so he can wipe his hands clean of it (or so he thinks)

[*i think it could be written both ways, one where when the cast cheers he cheers and when they scream he screams, or another where despite the frenzied emotions around him, noah remains unaffected.

perhaps it could be used as a kind of 'well even people like zeke and eva are rowdy about this' contrast where either way it comes off as incredibly uncanny; one way, hes showing distinct emotion where he never has before, while never having shown any emotional investment in the winner. and the other way, hes completely detached from the emotions around him, to the point where he acts like its not even happening; his lack of investment in the winner is offputting, esp when compared to very early eliminated contestants who still do care.]

[boilbluedenim]

Mac and Dennis's relationship after season 12 is so insanely subtextually homosexual. more so dennis repressing his homosexuality because, once again, dennis is scared of monogamous relationships. he literally got divorced like a day after he got married and the reason he's so uncomfortable now that mac is out is because he's been with him for SO LONG and he's confused as to why he's been with him for so long. He realizes that mac being out infringes on their sort of ‘weird’ friendship. Dennis knows that when hes with mac he's himself, and that makes him uncomfortable because he cant justify it normally. A lot of people say "well dennis hates mac" and i genuinely understand why people think that but also their minds are too feeble to grasp the concept of subtext. dennis knowing that mac is sexually attracted to men and just HIM IN GENERAL and still not exploiting him is so telling for example in season 14 ‘the gang chokes’ 14/4. The whole episode is centered around frank choking in a restaurant. the subplot(s) of TGchokes is number 1 dennis and mac being extremely one sided (mac asking dennis for approval constantly and dennis being uncomfortable with being heavily depended on.) and dee just basically almost killing herself multiple times. The episode sort of leaves you with this conclusion that's.... not exactly resolving the underlying issues that the gang is currently facing, which tbh is common but basically at the end mac comes up with this plan to save frank from dying to win dennis back. dee ends up drinking a lethal powder and at the end there's a back and forth between mac and dennis where mac says something along the lines of "Ok i'm going to listen to myself now and not depend on you, Dennis." and Dennis is like "what!!!l! please save dee with the EpiPen" and mac refuses. The ending with Mac agreeing to stop being such a suck up to Dennis isn't resolving anything in their relationship. 

If anything the symbolism in TGescapes is insane.  they are left with a heart lock and charlie and frank have the heart key setting up this funny split up dumb-and-dumber group dynamic and maybe i'm reading too far into this but this whole episode shows how mac is sort of over sucking up to dennis but at the same time praises him calling him the "obvious choice for a group leader" AND KEEP IN MIND. mac has always praised and depended on dennis it's only after season 13 that dennis is outwardly uncomfortable and i really need them to have a talk about him being scared that mac is only with him for sex because it's SO CLEAR that that's how he feels. He feels idolized for a bad reason because his lifelong friend finally came out, and now he's scared that he's winning him back only to sleep with him and then leave him. Dennis is so vain but he actually just wants to be loved. Dennis cares SO MUCH, he literally just cant show it.

[sleepimimzi]

we're so close with Full Moon. i haven't really been enjoying season 2 that much because the Blitz/Stolas plot was always weighed down/ damaged by awful the Deal (specifically the context in was made in. It wasn't proper consent from Blitzo, he was under pressure by both wanting to keep his business as well as literally in a life or death situation with no time to think and Stolas was aware of that fact).

i think this episode does an okay job at opening that conversation

HOWEVER

imo when Blitzo goes to apologize to Stolas, Stolas has to apologize again, especially for how the context behind the Deal and acknowledge the class difference and struggles that Blitzo has, cos Blitzo is extremely valid in his feelings

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

It's never going to happen bc I don't have the skill or the determination or the simple understanding to actually do it but lately I've been thinking about potential video essays on...I'm not even sure. Autistic joy? Trans joy? The sheer unique joy of being me and of being a human who thinks and feels and how that's different but the same as so many other people. Like I'll legit start plotting out scripts in my head for how I would explain it to people (which I do alot for special interests and such but rarely to explain Myself) and a big part of me would love to just. Talk. About how it feels to be Me. But I'm also very unlikely to do that lol

[bylertruther]

smth abt eddie telling dustin to look after the little sheep -> s5 is going to return to s1 form -> dustin tells mike in s1 that his obliviousness blows his mind -> the whole painting & confession & obvious general fiasco that is willelmike -> dustin's going to have to put on his bob the builder / "the world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes" sherlock holmes hat and get involved

[thegreatyin]

okay so with the naturalist done let's go a bit weird

1, 9, 24 and 25, for The Boatman.

1 - Why do you like or dislike this character?

The chess games you can play with him are really fun. I love how the difficulty organically builds up over time the further you go and the more your PC perishes- it really feels like you're slowly bonding with the guy, getting more comfortable with him, getting more comfortable with the Neath in general, etc etc. Even if the watchful checks are a bitch by the time you hit endgame.

Seriously, look at this! Look at the progression!! It's so charming. I love it so much. I may be losing in my boardgames but I am winning in my heart.

-

9 - Could you be roommates with this character?

Hell yeah!! The Scoundrel is already practically roommates given how much they've died already/die on a bi-weekly basis. I wouldn't mind a skeleton homie. He's a little... intense, but he's a cool guy. I think we could hang out together. Some time off that boat would definitely do him good.

-

24 - What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

I mean... pretty much any form of death/the grim reaper in any sort of media, really? He's pretty archetypal. If it's a skeleton representing death, it's reminiscent of him.

-

25 - What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

At first: eyy what's up my dude (fascinated by the new zone, passing 100% watchful checks with ease)

Now: EYYYY what's UP my dude (just chillin', failing a 63% watchful check 7 times in a row)

[forsty]

THE AUDACITY OF THE NORWEGIAN HEALTH SUPERVISION OR WHATEVER ITS FKN CALLED IN ENGLISH

THEY DO NOT KNOW ME, THEY DONT KNOW THE SHIT I'VE BEEN THROUGH OR THE THINGS I'VE FELT

AND THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SIT THERE AND SAY THAT I STARTED ON TESTESTERONE TOO EARLY????

TOO EARLY???

im furious im so angry im so fkn angry im gonna cry

WHAT DO THEY KNOW!!!!!!

NOTHING

Norwegian government: we love our people! we want nothing but the best for our citizens! we're one of the best countries in the world! (: yay equality!

also the norwegian government: except this HUGE group of marginalized group of various minorities because fuck those people

im just very sad and very upset that this battle has to be so fucking hard

when i try to explain to my family what being trans means, and the stuff trans people go through they don't believe and im about to fkn explode

started t too early my ass IM SO MAD!!!!!