#im very happy this has been a safe space for me to express my love for her and reborn in general

[gree-gon]

Your saphira loving makes me happy (i love her too shes also my favorite)

WEH....

[concretecultist]

The Vulture and The Finch

summary: a short story where the finch trusts the vulture, leading to a gut-wrenching betrayal.

word count: i have no idea actually but it is short.

warnings: angst, no happy ending, betrayal

A/N: Inspired by the song Birds by the Sea by BANKS. im back and im here fo bring the heartache.

“You never sang for me,”

Fighting the tears in your eyes was something you found yourself doing more often these days than not. His outfits were the same, but he wasn’t. How did this much time pass? You felt so lost, you stand alone now and the one person you wanted to stand by you forever… now stands with someone else.

“Y/N… what did you call me here for?” He has a right to ask this question. You haven’t spoken in almost two years. All the rumors you heard have become too much to bear, it was gutting you to even think about any of it being true. But seeing the five o’clock shadow and the ring on his left hand was answer enough.

“Heard you’re living with a girl by the sea,” You tried to smile, tried to choke out laughter to seem supportive but it all just sounded strangled; gurgled as if you’re drowning.

You stare out at the waves, aching with the knowledge that Noah always knew you wanted to settle down by the water as it was your safe space. You could cry while sitting on the shore, sharing something in common with the water that greeted you, the salt in your tears mimicking the crashing of the waves, releasing your pain. The wind that whisked past you whispered in your ears with each gust, ‘this too shall pass’.

It all feels like a lie now.

He said he’d never leave you. With all the warnings your mutual friends were giving you, you shouldn’t have believed him, especially because every time he said it, he said it by the door.

Subtle foreshadowing.

Was it because you broke the ancient superstition to never buy your lover shoes unless you want them to walk right out of your life? Perhaps it was the time you bought him the watch he wanted, bringing forth the bad omen on yourself, giving you no choice but to countdown how much time you had left together.

How rich that he’s wearing that very watch now.

“Heard she’s have a little baby now, how sweet”

He’s taken your dreams, your visions, just to fashion them to fit his current life. A piece of you has been stolen, it has kept you up at night more times you can count while he sleeps ever so peacefully.

“You don’t get to speak on my family,” His voice was void of any patience. He’s not even sure why he entertained you to come out here.

It’s sad really, the thought of Noah was always accompanied by birds, flying around you two as they sang their tune, but he never sang for you. His refusal should have been sign enough, he knew the type of love you desired and his defiance was a display of the deprivation.

“I should have listened to everyone when they told me not to fall for you, fuck! Even your own best friend warned me! He always told me you’d never change your ways but he was wrong. You did! I just wasn’t worthy, apparently,”

“Y/N, I have a wife and our child to get back to. I’m not here to debate my choices with you!”

“Then why did you come?!,” spinning around to take in the sight of him. He always had tired eyes but they only seemed more exhausted as they ran over your features. You weren’t sure if it was due to him preparing for a child… or if it was the fact he always found you mentally and emotionally taxing; that any energy he spent dealing with you was quickly depleted.

“Because I felt bad for you!,” his own expression was an indication of his involuntary slip up, however, he figured he might as well drive the sword deeper, “I came here because I still ask Nicholas about you and he tells me you’re not doing well. I know it’s my fault but what can I do now, Y/N? I’m married- I have a daughter on the way, I-,”

“So you take my plans and execute them with another girl? Yes. That sure shows your sympathy for me, Sebastian!”

“What is the point in all this?,”

The million dollar question. You asked yourself this all the way over here. No answer you came up with sounded good enough and you know no matter what answer you give, he will find pitiful.

“Closure, I guess,” You shrugged, wrapping your cardigan tighter around you as you turn back to the sea. Standing ankle deep in the water, wishing to be carried away in the ebb and flow. You hated how he could easily make you cry.

“You took the life I wanted for us both and you gave to someone else,” now there was venom on your tongue, “You were my songbird… y-you were supposed to bring love and joy but come to find out you’re a fucking vulture hiding in the skin of a finch. You mimicked me until the hunger of your own selfishness took over! You picked at me and picked until you were full and sated then you left my fucking carcass to rot and you think you deserve the peace? The clear conscience that you have?!,”

You really didn’t mean to break. You came here to ask how he was and to congratulate him on his new life, but the more you think about it- you didn’t want to do that anymore. He took the heart of a hopeless romantic and squeezed it dry right in front of you. How do you congratulate that? When he drained the blood from you just to pump it into the life he has today, making it full and youthful?

It’s sickening, actually.

You turned once more to look at him and swallowed thickly.

“You are the bad omen in my life. There was no black cat, no broken mirror, no walking under a ladder. Just a 6’3 bloodsucker who carefully chooses his next conduit to drain until he gets what he wants,”

You began to walk past him, just wanting to leave. That want was quickly diminished when you come to an immediate halt, feeling his hand wrap around your forearm, the coolness of his ring seeping through a hole in your cardigan brought a type of burning you’ve never experienced.

“That’s not fair,” he hissed, eyes strong and dead set on yours, surprised with you snatching your arm out of his grasp.

“No, what’s not fair is Nicholas telling me you’re naming your daughter after the name I was going to give our child!,” you push him away, a fire burning under your flesh, the complete opposite of the cool air that rushed between the two of you, “What’s not fair is you giving your wife my dream home!,”

Another push.

“What’s not fair is you making me believe that what you have now could have been with me,”

Another one.

“What’s not fair is you leaving me in the middle of the night while I cried for you and never turning back!,”

Another.

“What’s not fair is you dedicating songs to your wife and all I ever fucking got was a half assed unreleased verse on a usb!”

One more.

“What’s not fucking fair, Noah!! Is you watching me fall in love with you knowing you never felt the same way. That I was just a place holder until the girl you truly wanted, wanted you back!!!”

Next thing you know he’s stumbling and falling into the crashing waves, sea foam in his hair and salt water burning his eyes.

“You can have it! Have my life!,” you bellow, watching as he tries to pull himself together.

“You’re the one that has to live the rest of your life knowing you’re so empty that you have to siphon others to feel joy, to feel anything!,” you take a few steps toward him, pointing a finger with so much anger it could kill, “You have nothing left to siphon from me, so good luck trying to figure everything else out on your own,”

“Y/N,” he just sat there, head hanging low while his arms rest on his knees.

You had nothing left to say, nothing left to hear, so you had no reason to stay.

“Y/N!,”

The sand sinking with each step, forcing you to use your arms, your anger promoting the momentum.

“Y/N! Fuck!,”

His voice became quieter the more distance you made.

His facade will crumble.

And you’ll find your birds by the sea. Reminding yourself over and over that you’ll get what you deserve out of this life.

“Someone will sing for me”

————————————————

I know it’s quick and short but I really missed writing and this is to help me get back into it after the long and unexpected hiatus!! Thank you all for your support and patience!!!🩵

tags: @dravenskye @babs-96 @tech-depression-inventory @magnificentstrawberryomen @mrscevans @tinyfairies @mxddymay @themorticians-world @rainy-darling @darknightstarryeyes @thisbicc @lilhobgobbler @lovethe-void @cind6547 @flowery-mess @widowsofchaos @abiomens @amelia-acero @collapsedglasshouses @poppy-in-the-woods @rostoken @dkxxm @fadingintothegrey @blairboo @lacy1986

[the-universal-sun]

Hi so heres a little tacky message

This is anonymous just because im scared of being open about age regressing on my account, but im the same person who suggested the first paci fanfic <3 tysm btw, I cried out of joy when i read it Ive been super terrified of my regression for a very long time, i have some guilt issues that end up pouring into my way of coping that ends up ruining it at times. But this blog has really helped me - recently i did end up getting my first paci and i was too scared to use it because i felt stupid, but reading what youve written has helped me in ways i can never express because unlike most regression stories that are 100% cutesy and wholesome yours have the emotions i end up feeling, intended or not - and it makes me feel so safe and human please have a lovely day, this safe space is amazing and your writing will never cease to make me smile -Anon

Omg I’m at a loss for words, Anon!!!!! I’m so glad you liked the fic, I was so happy to see it requested! So happy to write it! I’m glad my blog has helped with your regression-I understand the underlying guilt and lingering shame from societal standards and judgement, it’s hard to push past it.

I’m glad your got your first pacifier! I bet it’s cute! It’s okay to feel awkward using something like that for the first time, even if you’re not scared about regression, the habit is awkward because we’re in general unused to that now that we aren’t young children anymore. What can help, in my experience, is Chewlry, its rings/necklaces made out of non-toxic material meant to be chewed and sucked on. It’s a good way for your mouth to get in the habit again and to work your way up to a pacifier if you’re too nervous to use one for the first time!

And yeah, while I do want my little stories to have happy endings and still be relatively soft and nice, Age Regression is very often a coping mechanism for various traumas, so I do try to input some of that in my writings without making it the centerpiece unless someone asks. But again, I’m glad my works have helped you! At the end of the day, we are all beings with thoughts and feelings who deserve to feel safe, and I hope that so many people feel safe with my writing!

Thank you again for all your very kind words, and know that I’m here in your corner, cheering you on, my lovely Anon! No judgement allowed in this blog!

Sending you ALL the love in the world!

XX

[bunnys-lil-hideout]

hi this is basically my part 2 of my post about being a small selfship blog

that post was met with a good amount of small blogs being happy about what i had written, meanwhile there was a handful of blogs that still expressed being upset that they were so small despite the work they'd put into their stuff.

i should preface by saying, even though i've had posts get over 300+ notes, and i have over 100+ followers, im really not a big blog, and i do seriously mean that.

yes, my posts about selfship scenarios and positivity do get a good amount of notes, and lots of the tags are very positive and fun to read. but if you do look through my blog, you'll notice those are the only posts that get any attention. all my posts about my personal selfships barely get notes, i barely get any asks even when doing ask games, and i've even tried participating in those "reblog with your f/o and i'll assign them this!" posts and i dont think i've ever gotten a reply.

and yeah, the last one at least has bothered me a bit, and i wish i couldve been part of the fun, but i'll be honest— when i made my selfship blog, i literally made it to be my own corner where i can go gushy gooey crazy over my fictional men. and those posts i made about general selfshipping scenarios and such, those were me just throwing ideas at the walls so i had a place to put them and maybe a few people could see it and feel a lil better. i never intend for my stuff to get a lot of attention because honestly, i'm used to it, so my expectations are always extremely low, and i'm rarely ever upset about it not working out.

but i know for some people, that's not the same for them, and that's completely fair. they work hard on what they make, either through writing, through artwork, comics, animation, even just putting down their thoughts. its natural to have that part of you that wants to be seen and appreciated for what you made, even if it is self-indulgent and not a lot of people will relate to it.

and i am sorry to all of you who are in that boat, feeling like what you made isnt good enough because not many noticed it, that you don't have people asking about your f/os or s/is, that anything you made with love isn't getting that same response. i know it's hard, and honestly i wish i knew what i could say that would help you to feel better. but please just know that you're really not alone, and just because you aren't seen doesn't mean you aren't good enough for this community.

honestly the best advice i could try to give is that you still have a corner for where you can freely express your love for the characters that bring you happiness, and even if you don't have much of an audience, i think it's worth remembering that your f/os are your #1 supporters through and through, no matter what type of attention you get. they're happy that you love to talk about them, draw them, gush about them, even if no one sees it. they're happy that you've dedicated a space just about them.

and even if you don't get much notice out of it, please remember that you still deserve a place to feel safe and free.

it's going to be okay. i promise. please take care of yourself. its what your f/os would want, i'm sure.

[misspermitted]

A lot of talk about infodumping as a love language on my feed recently and having the ‘tism and this blog I naturally want to contribute with my experience.

A lot of people are saying they infodump as a way to share their joy with others, which isn’t really why I do it. But when I think about how I feel when my ND friends infodump on me, I do share their joy. So maybe that is where the ND urge to infodump comes from, and I’ve just been conditioned for so long that infodumping is bad and no one enjoys it, that I can’t view it as sharing joy.

Why I Infodump

For me infodumping is a love language primarily because when I do it I feel safe with someone. I’ve been continuously shamed into thinking my passion is an inconvenience of embarrassing, and so I become very quiet in most social situations. When I infodump it means I feel like the person won’t judge me.

Usually the first time I infodump on someone it’s a conscious choice, and I only do it a little to test the waters. If the person immediately shames me or tries to shut me up, I put it in my head to never unmask around them and usually don’t put a lot of effort into the acquaintance from there on out.

(I know there has also been a lot of talk about NT and ND people trying to bridge communication gaps, and my immediate detachment from people who won’t engage with infodumping is probably not healthy for that. At the same time, while I respect people’s efforts to have NT friends and such, that’s their choice, not mine. Friendships are where I broaden my opinions and empathy in a safe and happy space, not where I combat ableism and prejudice. I don’t have the mental stability for that atm.)

How I Feel When ND Friends Infodump On Me

With my ND friends, I actively try to encourage them to infodump. My personal reason for this is because I really enjoy it, I feed off other peoples excitement (because my ADHD brain cannot produce its own dopamine apparently) so I find it just as spoon-rejuvenating as my own special interests. I also just love learning new things.

However, on the friendship side of things, I really like knowing someone is comfortable enough with me to share their interests. It makes me so mad when my ND friends apologise for infodumping because you shouldn’t have to apologise for being you! Im not mad at them, I’m mad that people make us feel embarrassed about who we are and being excited. Sometimes listening to my ND friends infodump is when I mask the most tbh. I try to communicate to them clearly through questions and facial expressions that I am also excited about their interest, when I don’t usually ask questions and have resting autism face.

I also always feel so much more deeply connected with a friend knowing about their interests and what makes them happy or angry than things like their childhood school or favourite colour. I also find sometimes with ND friends we infodump all our trauma on each other straight away, which means I know way way too much about them already haha

(I also wanna say that infodumping trauma is a bit different for me than when someone trauma dumps. For me the main difference between the two is that trauma dumping becomes something you have to emotionally support the person through, whereas infodumping trauma is the person telling you everything they’ve figured out about themselves and how they understand it. Trauma dumping is very draining for me, it feels like I’m holding all the trauma afterwards and it’s usually very feelings and emotions heavy. Infodumping trauma is like “this is everything I’ve read about it what I experienced and this is how I’m struggling to intellectualise it.” And then usually I respond with a similar experience I had and things I read and this goes on for hours.)

[rookedcrow]

This is me kicking your goddamn door down.

However many years ago you and I became mutuals in the shithole that was marvel. Instantly we clicked, your passion for your muse was unmatched by anyone in that pit and our vibes were on the same frequency. Idr how long it's been but I feel like I've known you forever - in the best of ways. I'm very blessed to have gotten to know the more intimate parts of your life - that you trust me with that information, that we can talk every day, that we seem to be able to mash our muses together no matter the verse, that we're basically on the same? braincell? How much weird shit do we have in common now?

All that's missing is actually sitting down and having coffee (ha) together, because damn you're even in the same location as me. I'm so, so happy you're my friend, that you've stuck by me through the nonsense, and that I have the absolute fucking honor of writing with you. I said it before 100 times and I will never shut up: there would be no Lucanis without you. There would be no Stephen, no Esme, no Mal, no Greer, no Julian, no anyone without you behind me to support me and cheer me on. You have such a passion for your muses and I feel so tickled to be there for Emilia's revival, and to see her carried through the verses, and to come into this place where we're both so absolutely brain rotted that it feels like proper home.

I think my writing hobby would have died without you. I sincerely adore you, love you, and cherish our friendship so much that I cannot fathomably express it.

So your portrayal is beyond words and I will happily, gleefully continue to be blown away by your ability to smith incredible muses and sew intricate details into them that I have yet to see replicated anywhere on this site.

<3

*is doorless*

what i love most about this is i just get to gush about you AGAIN ( insert evil laughter here ). we crossed paths at a time when i was feeling very unsure about a muse in a fandom that is notoriously difficult for ..... lots of reasons. and you gave that muse a chance when a lot of people didn't. and we clicked, and they clicked, and we were on our way. and it really has been years .... it's got to be close to 5 or possibly even 6!?!? by now??? and we're still going strong??

the muses have certainly changed since then, but they always find a way to share that braincell just like you said. ( and like i always say, it's the hardest working braincell in the whole rpc ). and i think that's a huge part of why we've continued to write together -- it's the comfort level. it's always knowing i have a safe space for my muses with you. *i* have a safe space with you, both when it comes to our collaborations and just life in general. you are such a dear dear friend to me -- and honestly the same goes for me. if you weren't stuck with me i don't know if i'd still be writing on here.

and that comfort that i have with you is why emilia is even back on this site after such a long time tucked away on a high shelf in the back of my mind. ( im a bad mom ) i never would have thought to bring her back to life if not for you ... she's my oldest and dearest and most fiercely protected oc, and i still can't think of anyone i would want to share her with more ... mal, esme, stephen, greer, julian --- all of them have a place in my heart ( and emmy's ) for what they've given her and all the new parts of her i've learned because she's had them.

and then what can i say about what we've done in such a short amount of time with her and lucanis??? i never could have known it back in february, but rook!emilia feels like a final form realized, and a lot of that is because of you. there's no emmy rook without her lucanis. i've said it a million times to you already, but it's the truth. thank you for giving me that chance to share her with you and thank you for loving her as much as i do 💜

[slightdisconnects]

UFO - f5ve

so instead of coming down this is the rise and climax of 30 mg ^q^ i feel my head getting lighter and the waves. i feel at peace and full of bliss that everything is good in the world. very much the "i am safe :] i am loved :] and i have love to share :]". i am sensory seeking. i want weight on me. i want to eat yummy food with interesting textures or flavor profiles. i want to listen to cool music. i want to touch interesting textures like slime or putty. a lot along those lines.

she is kinda the amalgamation of all of the video games girls i see when im high. so basically when i get high i "see" both the world as a video game, but also made up video games. so the world as a video game i can see "qtes" to complete takes and how bad i complete them, is how i did on the qte. i can also see "bars" filling and depleting. like my hunger bar going up or my happiness bar filling up. or if i go to the bathroom i feel that bar going down lol. i can also see the action im completing from different actions as if a different camera angel or the "gameplay" i can also "see"/"feel" the different button used and ui.

i watched a bunch of gameplay videos like space channel 5, parappa the rappa, umjammer lammy, and so on. i also listened to a lot of frutiger aero mixes.

for the video game video game, its a made up game. its usually in the style of late ps1, early ps2, dreamcast, or gamecube. its usually an experimental life sim type game. you either play/follow a cool girl in her 20s. they plot/goals varies, but the man take away i get is that shes a cool quirky weird girl who is unapologetically herself and you should be unapologetically yourself. which has been my goal the past two years. i feel a lot ive trapped myself in a box or trying to please others (to a point) i need to find more people like this and will accept this. it feels very optimistic vibes basically but with some quirky bits. it also feels like she is able to unmask pretty freely or completely.

the love of the protag varies. sometimes shes what i picture this verison of me will look like or like certain celebs (idols or music artist or ecelebs i watch). her fashions ranges from mori kei to just cool trendy kstreetfashion or jstreetfashion with a bit of y2k. she also lounges a lot like above in just undies or undies with a tank top. she doesnt always have her nips pierced, but she looks good with them.

also the dog ears and tails arent usually there other, but she is puppy coded. usually excited and shows it! big facial expressions even if they are a lil delayed. she also has wings and a halo like val.

she is content with her loneliness, but also appreciations her few friends. like she loves hanging out, but also will go to places alone. she doesnt feel shame or embarrassed for going to a restaurant by herself or going to events. she doesnt see it as weakness and its good to have alone time, but you also need to socialize.

this is def my idealized world so when i think of doing/acting like this i realize people arent gonna interact like i though and put the "mask" back up. tho sometimes in the game she spends a lot of time "hyping herself up" to go out. as if she needs to recharge her social battery or get the confidence to unmask. i def feel like tuesday is autistic.

really both val and tuesday are autistic, but it "presents"/"displays" differently and "cope" in different ways. while i usually see them separately they have met and val want to be like tuesday. tho i will save that for when they are more fleshed out or when i think more of what their relationship is like :]

[texasbama]

Hiya I know you're a safe space and I need to get this out, so sorry in advance 🙃.

I see how amazing canon bi buck is for the queer community and I don't mind how it happened in canon. But while I should be happy, I actually kind of feel like I'm mourning? I'm so attached to eddie, maybe unhealthily so, and the ensemble found family dynamic is what first brought me to the show. For a while it's been a struggle having the fandom basically shove buck into every spec or storyline and act like he is a perfect angel and the centre of the universe. But there was always the eddiezers and it was more balanced. But now literally EVERYBODY is all about buck and tommy. It feels like the rest of the show doesn't even exist. I know its only been a couple of days but going on social media now just makes me anxious and idk why really. I'm worried about future eddie storylines, I'm desperate for marisol to disappear, but the vibe is that now buck is bi nothing else matters, we've won apparently, who even cares about eddie or the other characters because buck kissed a man.

Also I'm sex-repulsed ace and people saying how if you don't like it you're a purist and an evangelical and homophobic and biphobic actually makes me feel like shit. I never really understood wanting two characters to have sex 'because why not', because I don't understand why anyone wants to ever lol. I can only read buddie smut in very specific scenarios and most of the time i skip even that. And the rhetoric in a lot of tumblr space recently makes me feel like a bad person for not being all for it 100%. I don't think I've explained myself well here but I tried. You don't have to reply or post this either, I just wanted to reach out to someone in fandom who won't jump down my throat for it 😅. 911 is kind of a hyperfixation of mine so even though I'm trying to stay away as much as possible so as to not make myself more upset but I have no idea what to do with myself otherwise 🫠. Thanks for reading and sorry for unloading on you

Please don’t apologize, im happy you felt like I was a safe space. Im gonna break this into two parts and I hope I can articulate myself correctly lol

1) the first few days after an episode, any episode but especially one like this, isn’t indicative of fandom as a whole. Emotions are heightened due to what happened in the episode. Everyone is screaming about something and it’s in your face ya know? This week something HUGE happened, so yes people are talking about it. It was to be expected. We must make space for people to be happy about it. It’s a beautiful thing and queer joy MUST be celebrated.

This show (for the most part) has done a beautiful job of giving each character their time to shine(some more so than others but thats a conversation for a different day). Coming off 7x04, yes the headline is Bi Buck. And it will continue to be for a while, but it’s important to remember that YOU curate your fandom experience. I don’t blame you at all for what you’re feeling, ESPECIALLY as an Eddie girlie(gn), like I get it! Trust me! I’ve had to carefully maneuver through some emotions this week myself. I’m human! But filtering and being able to step away is everything.

Being excited about the storyline and also hoping and wanting more from other storylines are two things that can be true at the same time. It’s not one or the other. Remember that.

2) im going to say this and just know the caps is because I am just passionate. I promise you, its yelling at you with love okay?

I know it is easier said than done, but don’t you EVER allow ANYONE on this fucking hellsite make you feel less than or that your asexuality is anything but 100% valid. YOU are valid, you hear me?

Okay. I had to make sure to say that first. Whew. Now. As for the fandom piece of it all, we have to remember that there levels to it. You are allowed to feel the way you feel about sex, BUT it’s also important to remember that sex positivity (and those who express it) is also a good and valid. If you feel like there are blogs that talk down to you, imply that YOU are homophobic or biphobic simply because YOU are not doing cartwheels about different sex acts, then block. Unfollow. Do whatever you need to. Those people are scum.

Listen to me *pulls you close*, this is always a safe space. You are a valid, your existence and experiences are valid. And anyone who makes you question that can fuck right off. And lastly, HAPPY ASEXUALITY DAY TO YOU SPECIFICALLY! MUAH! 💜🤍🩶🖤

[empresskylo]

HELLO!!!!

i just discovered ur acc today and have been FURIOUSLY stalking it for the last few hours reading over everything you've wrote. as you do. normal person activites.

I just wanted to say I APPRECIATE YOUR CONTENT SO MUCH!!!!

literally have been looking high and low for some cod fanfiction that is just Soft and Kind even in the nsfw 😭😭 bitches be writing Ghost in the most like violent sex scenes and im like bro has literally witnessed toxic behavior and violence towards women and just in general his whole life and ur telling me hes gonna be mean to his girl and non-con her duing sex??? no bros gonna be so soft and kind and so scared to overstep boundries 😭🙏 (furthermore it. stumps me how ppl consume that kind of media. i know what ppl may enjoy reading may not always be what they actually would want irl but it makes me cringe just reading sometimes i cant fathom)

ANYWAYS i digress i just wanna shout u out for writing some of the softest and sweetest fanfic out there on tumblr ive seen so far latched onto every word literally gnawing and rattling the bars of my enclosure.

i am such a sucker for the soft and sweet that anytime i see some non-con dark fanfic (most of the stuff i see on here) i do a little sigh. ur doing a service for the country tysm 😭🫶💗

thank you sm!!! i really appreciate you writing all this out to send to me! 🫶🥰 i cannot believe you love how i portray ghost, that is so kind and makes me so happy!!!!

it's hard to explain why i, personally, enjoy some dark romance/fanfics. everyone is different, but I just find exploring darker content in writing is a way I kind of cope with my own trauma. it's like taking the power back in a sense?? most of these kinds of fics are written by women, and it's just a safe space for me?!? idk how to explain it well but I just wanted to share why I sometimes enjoy some dark fics! but I do think the cod fics on here are overly saturated in that kind of content so I'm happy you find my work so satisfying 🥹

that being said, i totally agree with you on ghost having experienced so much trauma, i'd think he'd be so gentle in all aspects of a relationship. especially in the comics where he had witnessed so much violence towards women that he genuinely didn't want to emulate. i think he'd be very anxious about hurting his partner. there's also just something I love about the big bad burly man actually being such a softie. i want an overprotective ghost who just wants to shower his partner in love and maybe sometimes doesn't know how to fully express himself 🥹

[nightfall-kachiniko]

hi everyone! I know a lot of you are probably wondering where I've been basically all year. I don't think I've written in months honestly, and it's getting to the point where Tumblr is an app I only use for reading. Now before I worry anyone, I just want to say this isn't me quitting. I've matured a lot and done a lot of soul searching this year. I used to use Tumblr as a way of self-expression, where i'd write poems and endless paragraphs of how I'd feel. Earlier on, these emotions really weren't the best. I'm not gonna get into a lot, but I was very active on this app when I was at my worst. I'm happy to say I'm not in that same space I used to be. These few years i've spent on tumblr have been some of the happiest and honestly, it's been something i'm proud of. Me being in-active for a large majoirty of this year isn't something I view as a bad thing, but a good thing. I used writing fanfictions as a escape from my current reality, and now i'm happy to say i dont have to do that anymore. I've found a lot of peace and happiness, even in the hardest situations. I've decided to run to a higher power instead of hiding in my room and writing for hours. The decrease of my activity is something I can honestly say i'm happy of. I don't have to depend on a false reality i've created in my head and wrote about on this app to keep me satisfied anymore. If anything, i'm happy. This is the best i've ever been, even after a lot of terrible situations. I'm happy. And i'm grateful that this was a place I used as a safe place. Maladative daydreaming is something I've done less and less over the months. I no longer feel like I wasn't meant for this world, and only the one in my head, but I actually love the place i'm at. I've grown a lot, and thats something i'm gratfeul for. This isn't an 'im quitting' and definitely not a goodbye! but as i'm inactive, just know i'm not suffering, but making some of the best memories of my life. I'm gratfeul for everything and everyone this app has given me. Thank you all for your endless patience. I'm so grateful i once had this community as my main source of happiness and coping. I'll probably keep writing since i dont think i'll ever quit (and ill always love my baes hawks and mikasa lol) but just know this is something to be happy about! I love you all and thank you for supporting me over the years!

kachi out <3

[poopscooplala]

(psa this is mostly referring to the movies)

ive seen a few posts that have bothered me. i searched "remadora bad" on google to see what people were saying and it came up eith tumblrs and reddits etc and they were all really weird.

i recently got into the marauders fandom after reading atyd and being a fan of harry potter since i was a child, this fandom made me really happy because of the escapism it provided. many of us have loved hp and then realised its problematic aspects and seen jkr being the worst and no longer can escape with hp.. and marauders fandom is a much more inclusive and feels safe space. i do ship wolfstar and i want to get this straight because one post mentioned wolfstar shippers and it was definitely a weird take.

the post was about how women who ship two men together hate women because if theres a woman in the picture its always a crime against her i guess? they also touched on fetishisation of gay men in a way that seemed to be encapsulating all of these people into that message.

1. not everyone who ships two men hates women. i mean this is absurd 😭 it seemed much more like this poster was more anti fanon, which is odd. anyone who defends jkr instantly puts me off, i understand if someone is confused by not following canon when talking abt media.. but it shouldnt go so far as to licking jkrs ass saying "shes the author she knows best🤓🤓" we know shes the author, thats half the problem. anyway, i understand this point but it didnt work in the context they were using it for (remadora/wolfstar). the marauders fandom has been criticised for misogyny, but the generalisation of shippers all having that belief is just untrue.

2. fetishisation of gay men is most definitely prevelant in shipping spaces but it goes eithout saying that an entire community of people wont all have the same views and opinions. from personal experience, i have always been wary of fetishising gay men and recently realised that my special interests being shipping different gay relationships has been involved in my gender identity. im not really sure of anything yet but i am exploring being actually a man or gener fluid or non binary.. as i said i dont know yet but i have realised that i have always put myself in these ships, wanting to be one of the men in them (of course this hasnt been the sole reason im questioning my gender). generally, i think shipping is very fun and just a great way of exploring romance in your favourite medias that represent you - which is what many people in the marauders fandom express. i do understand this concern though - fetishisation is a real thing and these ships shouldnt be objectified to be apart of that. i just dont think we should automstically assume every shipper is fetishising gay ppl.

nothing ive talked abt has rlly been abt marauders so far but i just wanted to set up some context and rant abt that post tbh.

as ive grown, ive realised how forced remadora was in the movies. i always felt like it came out of nowhere but i was a kid and i didnt care enough to think abt it like i just wanted to see harry running through the grass and shit. anyway, ive watched a few viedos abt the marauders fandom and about jk rowlings problematic writing and i have a few points to make about remadora and tonks' and remus' characters respectively.

in ootp, tonks is introduced as a fun, independent, and rebellious person. they arent afraid to speak out abt their name to someone more experienced in the field (mad-eye) and they have bright purple hair so obviously they r cool and awesome. they are a metamorphagus(?) meaning they can change some parts of how they look. i, and many others, see this as a symbol of trans teens. correcting the feminine "nymphadora" to a more unisex "tonks", the fact they can literally change how they look (perhaps showing their desire to change themselves ehich many trans people relate to), and their overrall childlike attitude. i think rowling makes tonks young and fun to show immaturity, therefore the transcoded character is sort of displayed as an immature teen that doesnt know any better (insert jkrs transphobic tweets here).

THEN in hbp the newly called "dora" is married. not only is tonks feminised by heteronormativity (a big aspect of stereotypical femininity is marriage) but their general appearance and attitude has changed. her hair is now like a light brown, and this natural colour i feel may allude to the natural order of womanhood is to maybe go through a rebellious gender non conformity teenhood, but eventually we all "mature" into our "natural" womanhood.. may be a reach buut?? anyway, their dialogue in this movie is very small - i assume its different in the book, but i feel like either way their dialogue would be similarly all focusing on remus (way to fail the bechdel test) which ironically is more represantative of jkr hating woman soo the ship they r saying is the anti "gay shippers who hate women" is one of the many symbols of misogyny in jkrs books.. i mean idk if i need to say this but a woman isnt defined by being married/with a man and i feel like jkr is trying to present it that way.

jkr seems to have unintentionally presented her transphobic views in the character of tonks. many people related to tonks because of their gender fluidity and hbp disappointed many with this character development.

now, the age gap between remus and tonks is 13 years which is gross. especially when you think about the more childish representation of tonks in ootp, like theyve been matured in hbp for the purpose of making the relationship less weird? idk but this is a point that really irks me because many ppl ignore this and always conclude that ppl who dont like remadora are just wolfstar shippers and also hate tonks because they r a woman. even if i hated wolfstar id still hate remadora because of this gross age gap😭😭

another post was from like 10 yrs ago so, perhaps the opinions are just outdated considering jkrs problematic behaviour has become more of general knowledge in recent years but they basically were the common "he not gay jkr mad ehim be with woman he cant be gay 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓" .. jkr has made lots of promises she couldnt keep.. like the whole can of worms that is the time turners (no cedric diggory would not become a death eater please go back to bed omg) so it really isnt unheard of that she could make a gay character and then just.. ruin it?

she definitely didnt intentionally make anyone gay, because she ahtes gay ppl, but remus and sirius are very commonly interpreted to be queer coded. loads of ppl mention this, but even david thewlis (remus lupin actor) read the characters as lovers. many people saw them as lovers so thought remus was gay, then saw him marry tonks and felt confused. of course he could just be bi but jkr wasnt writing that i dont think lolz EVEN if that was the case, remus is meant to be a good character so why is he getting with tonks who is so much younger than him, to me it makes no sense. which is why many people think remadora doesnt make sense, why many marauders fans, including myself, dont see remadora as what would happen. like im not saying that sirius would be a live and blah blah because im referring to a still canon compliant story, it just would not include remadora and its weird energy.

also, jkr said once that lycanthropy was a symbol for rhe aids crisis (thats not a gay allusion at all 🤗). and hootsyoutube makes a great point about how this is problematic. remus lupin is not the only werewolf in the series, greyback is another one that is apart of the wizard nazis and was the one who bit little 5 yr old baby remus lupin. so.. this is very predatory behaviour, i mean he sliterally biting people (like a lion eating a gazelle or sumn idk r u getting what im putting down 😭😭). now, what is a harmful and highly perpetuated stereotype against gay people.. you got it - predatory behaviour. jkr connects the aids crisis to werewolves who are (except remus) presented as predators who prey on little children 😝😝 amazing!!! SO jkr does allude to gay/bi remus buuut its also in a very evil very malevolent light because shes a witch cackling in the night

i hate canon dick riders because not only is the canon problemstic and jkr is evil BUT its literally a made up story... why do you care abt whats canon and ehats not? some may not get it but i love the feeling of being in the marauders fandom, where everything is just made up by us like its so whimsy so fun.

another post that rlly grinded my gears was saying "yall will complain abt remadora age gap but then ship snarry and snermione" which if ur referring to only ppl who ship this then yes you ate down very demure very mindful.. but it wasnt. why ar eppl generalising so hard like i know for a fact I do not ship that... thats pedofilia guys!! and i know most in marauders fandom dont either because most marauders fans i see rnt disgusting monster people? but they also used this to undermine the age gap in remadora, like no they r both bad both weird and the fact that one is by the author of hp is very telling

okay thats the end of my rant uhhh 🥸

[gyll-yee-haw]

It's not really question, its more just unloading I guess lol

I recently read heartbreakingly yours and first off, it's amazing! You're seriously an amazing writer!

Secondly, I'm old (ish) and I probably should be past this whole reading fanfics and all but this one really broke me in a way.

Sorry to bore you with my life story but, I'm currently in a relationship. Been together for 4 years, he's a much older guy. There's a 12 year difference between us but what attracted me to him was how much he cared in the beginning.

That sense of protection that I got from him really drew me in. How he showed me off to the world and how much he cared about my emotions and effort he made to make me feel like I'm the only one in his world. I loved all of that about him. But of course that did not last. There's been infidelity on his part now for the 4th time it seems and as pathetic as I sound, I was the one fighting for this relationship. I fought, day and night, begged him to change. Begged him to see my worthiness but he hasn't change not one bit. I recently found out yet another affair with a coworker of his. I gave up so much in my life to be able to support him financially and emotionally. 4 years of fighting for something that's is one sided. It sucks to say the least.

I haven't been on tumblr for a very long time but l was scrolling and I happened to cross your page and I read your story and it made me very sad. I miss that feeling of being heard and being seen like if you were to walk away or simply not exist anymore, they would not be able to breathe on this earth that you were no longer walking on. I miss feeling like I'm worth the fight. That I'm not just a dime of dozen. That im not the only one putting in heart and soul to one another.

Idk maybe im rambling but reading it made me very sad. I miss the honeymoon stage. I wish I felt the butterflies in my stomach again, I miss the flirtatious moments and the intimacy of it all. I miss not having to worry all the time of what they are doing behind your back; that sense of peace. I miss my tranquility.

Your story has the happy ending that I'll never get.

But reading it gave a little comfort and distraction from my reality. Thank you. I may sound weird or lame but yeah, just wanted to share that haha.

Hi, honey! Sorry it took a while to reply, I haven't been here much

First of all, there's absolutely no need to apologize for opening up, you're really brave for doing so. Second of all, don't worry because there's no such thing as being too old for fanfics, you only have one life and you should spend it doing things you enjoy!

I'm really really touched by your story. I can't express how extremely sorry I am to hear all of this. I don't know you, but I know you don't deserve to feel the way you do.

As for my story making you sad... well, you shouldn't be. I am a very strong believer that good men only exist in fiction. We use fiction exactly because real life kinda sucks... I am honoured when my stories touch people and resonate with them.

I've been where you are. Years fighting for someone while that someone fucked another someone, among other terrible forms of abuse I've been submitted to. You are not alone and this is a safe space for you to escape reality, okay?

I need you to know that none of this is your fault, okay? And don't talk badly about yourself because no one is stupid for loving, it's very clear to me that the stupid one is always the one who doesn't appreciate the love they receive.

I really hope things get better for you, from the bottom of my heart. I can't give you much, but I know it helps to open up!

Stay safe <3

[ennaku-sirri-da]

Habit Talks To Kamal On An Intercity Bus [ AU ]

(Plaintext: Habit Talks To Kamal On A Public Bus [ AU ] )

Note: The Habitspeak translation without his speaking quirk is present below for those who have difficulty reading his style. And described the emote expressions as well.

--

[ ID: Photo of a Greyhound bus from the USA out on the road in a clear day. Its dark blue and has a symbol of silver running Greyhound dog as it's logo. End ID]

Ooo..phooo.. phoo.. FWOOO-- HEE HEE!! Haw haw haw OK don't gooo- I will stop :-3 Yourm ears and ur prettie earsring r Safe - but I am jost a funny guy!! Genius-es are so unerrrated now u_u 

Ahem.

So wHAT I really wanna say is ..

I think u r the "knees of bees" ..the 6 of them

I wonder y that's a quote...there's nuthin much speshul abt those..u deserve better..like..hmMMMMMMmmmm

Bee bee bee ba-bee?? Ur my bb?? Yes U r!! U hav heard that b4 buthough... bees...they sting me sometims nd die... im forgetting to bury them :-( B4 Tunia makes "CPR"...between u n me dear, I think she likes slurpin em up...anyway its TOO sad! it happens when I take care of my Garden, where bees r of gr8 importance. They rub-a-dub themselfs on the flowers to get the gold dust for polly-nation..in skool I learnt that Bombus terrestris and Antirrhinum majus hav what's called a "co-evolveution"-- they're friends with bee-nefits!

I dream I also listened 2 the lesson's rest.. o, wish, acksually. AFAIK was thinking abt making a PokéMans card for u.. 

--What? Oh, I see. No it's not embrassing. U can ask me anytime, am happy 2 claritify.  Sooz, the common names areee bumble bee and ..the flower..um.. crapdragon. I do'nt know whats wrong with whoever diss-covered that 1. Habit Tip! They shuld keep all their windows locked tight and seal the crawl space.

Is the other thingie clear? U already know? Ok. Eye...lost my thoughts-train. What was I chuggin on about? Helppp a guy out dahling? 

HEY I HEARD THAT.. " Seeeni khhaaai aaaase "?? Don'tnot understand whole mumble but ime NOTTT putting butter on U PROMISS!! It's you're fault your so ez to love. Work on it. 

( Note to any readers who wouldn't already know: " Seeni khai aase" is an Assamese slang expression. Seeni means sugar and the whole phrase means someone being too sweet to you, butter-coating things. )

I can see ur smile u know. Ur already in-operative.

LAFFING NOW REALLY REALLY--Ugh just PLZZ tell me what I was talking b4 it poofs FOREVER!! 

Mmm..mhmm ..uh huh..O alright. Yes!! Thatse it!! Such a good listen-er. <:-)

B4 u asked me that, I said "friends"..u r my very bestest friend...

..am I yours?

Thx for reminding me. Am trying. Not to keep asking those things. Let It Flow, like u said. I remmeber. 

U counted??? I-- 

its only been the 3rd tyme this week??? Huh that's good proggerss-But why did u-- how--I don't-- *Leaf it. I'll lose what I was saying Again. All these years and u still manage 2 SirPrize Me. Lolol, I guess it goes both ways !! 

Oh, HA ha, the lucksy '3', U say! Uncle back in Moscow used to ballyho-- 

This iz a bit of a Tang-Ent acksually. U want to hear? 

K. Just tell me "fri-end" after i-end. I'll continue. 

-- b-ally-ho if the sum of the 3 odd-place dijits on a busket-- I mean bus ticket-- = to the sum of 3 even-place digits, it is a luck charm!! A Real (una)Live Leningrad ticket. 

Of coarse...we can't never get 1 on this cramped lil Greyhound. Pffffft. 

(Yawnnn) Were'nt u spposed to tell me some-thing...

Hmmm..??

Uh...I can't hear youuuu....

Sorry..? Again?

What was--

WOa, woa there...Dearie me! I get it! Try to clam down..str-eee-ss isn't helpthy for the body ha.. I heard ur "FRIEND!!!" VERY loud n clear

--They can't. Bc everyones ears are BUSted from the early-ier parkinh "Phhsst". Get it? Ha ha?

Eeeeeeee...!! Goodness me I lurve ur laugh…looks like i maked u feel better after the noize… :\\-)

Oh! Ha ha! What, me? No-Thinggg,, I didn't "mutter" anyth-ing,,,

Hmm?

Aha. try nawt’ta do-it again, OK, man? I accept your apollogee about the interccept…

Anyway uh!! Ur one o' those 2 me obvs( a FRIEND)!! Even if we r feeling a lil awkward rite now!!! 

andso.. no also..what's more..the, flowers! r my friends too... 

Hrmm..Ain't nothin better than when stuffs we cherryish come to-gather huh? Transalating 2 Nerd Language heeehee..call it...you..."I'm writing a Cross Over, "! 

OK SO

Heer me out- ‘’Cross Over’’- of…of…m-ie dear FRIEND~~ Mhmm. You-you!!

AND…ANNNND..Guesss!! GUESSSSSS GUESSS HAWHOOO OOO OO

Flowers…and m-ie dear FLORRRAAAA~~ Mhmm. You-you!!

( GIF description: A white lotus blooms in water. GIF is watermarked with 'Zadenkai' end GIF Description )

--To be continued, maybe! If you have any questions you can ask. I'd usually give a HCs explained section but I'm kinda tired right now.

-- Translation below

Ooo..phooo.. phoo.. FWOOO-- HEE HEE!! Haw haw haw OK don't gooo- I will stop :-3 ( catlike smile emote ) Your ears and your pretty earring are Safe - but I am just a funny guy!! Geniuses are so underrated now u_u ( mock-resignation closed eye emote )

Ahem.

So wHAT I really wanna say is ..

I think you are the "knees of bees" ..the 6 of them

I wonder why that's a quote...there's nothin' much special abt those..you deserve better..like..hmMMMMMMmmmm

Bee bee bee ba-bee?? Your my baby?? Yes you are!! You have heard that before but, though... bees...they sting me sometimes and die... I'm forgetting to bury them :-( (frowning emote ) Before Tunia makes "CPR"...between you and me dear, I think she likes slurpin' 'em up...anyway its TOO sad! It happens when I take care of my Garden, where bees are of great importance. They rub-a-dub themselves on the flowers to get the gold dust for pollination..in school I learnt that Bombus terrestris and Antirrhinum majus have what's called a "co-evolution"-- they're friends with bee-nefits!

I dream I also listened to the lesson's rest.. oh, wish, actually. AFAIK was thinking about making a Pokémans card for you.. 

--What? Oh, I see. No it's not embarassing. You can ask me anytime, am happy to clarify.  Soz, the common names areee bumble bee and ..the flower..um.. crapdragon. I don't know whats wrong with whoever discovered that 1. Habit Tip! They should keep all their windows locked tight and seal the crawl space.

Is the other thingie clear? You already know? Ok. I...lost my thought-train. What was I chuggin' on about? Helppp a guy out dahling?

HEY I HEARD THAT.. " Seeeni khhaaai aaaase "?? Don't understand whole mumble but I'm NOTTT putting butter on YOU, PROMISE!! It's your fault you're so easy to love. Work on it. 

I can see your smile you know. You're already inoperative.

LAUGHING NOW REALLY, REALLY--Ugh just PLEASEE tell me what I was talking before it poofs FOREVER!! 

Mmm..mhmm ..uh huh..O alright. Yes!! That's it!! Such a good listener. <:-) ( smile emote )

Before you asked me that, I said "friends"..you are my very bestest friend...

..am I yours?

Thanks for reminding me. Am trying. Not to keep asking those things. Let It Flow, like you said. I remember. 

U counted??? I-- 

its only been the 3rd time this week??? Huh that's good progress-But why did you-- how--I don't-- *Leave it. I'll lose what I was saying Again. All these years and you still manage to surprise Me. Lolol, I guess it goes both ways !! 

Oh, HA ha, the lucky '3', U say! Uncle back in Moscow used to ballyho-- 

This a bit of a Tangent actually. You want to hear? 

K. Just tell me "friend" after I end. I'll continue. 

-- ballyho if the sum of the 3 odd-place digits on a busket-- I mean bus ticket-- is equal to the sum of 3 even-place digits, it is a luck charm!! A Real (una)Live Leningrad ticket. 

Of course...we can't never get one on this cramped lil Greyhound. Pffffft. 

(Yawnnn) Weren't you s'pposed to tell me something...

Hmmm..??

Uh...I can't hear youuuu....

Sorry..? Again?

What was--

WOah, woah there...Dearie me! I get it! Try to calm down..streeess isn't healthy for the body ha.. I heard your "FRIEND!!!" VERY loud n' clear

--They can't. Because everyone's ears are BUSted from the earlier parking "Phhsst". Get it? Ha ha?

( Eeeeeeee...!! Goodness me I love your laugh…looks like i made you feel better after the noise… :\\-) ( blushing smile emote ) )

Oh! Ha ha! What, me? Nothinggg,, I didn't "mutter" anything,,,

Aha. try nawt’ta do it again, OK, man? I accept your apology about the intercept…

Anyway uh!! You're one o' those to me obviously( a FRIEND)!! Even if we are feeling a lil awkward right now!!! 

andso.. no, also..what's more..the, flowers! Are my friends too... 

Hrmm..Ain't nothin better than when stuffs we cherish come together huh? Translating to Nerd Language heeehee..call it...you..."I'm writing a Cross Over, "! 

OK SO

Hear me out- ‘’Cross Over’’- of…of…my dear FRIEND~~ (singsong) Mhmm. You-you!!

AND…ANNNND..Guesss!! GUESSSSSS GUESSS HAWHOOO OOO OO (laughing)

Flowers…and my dear FLORRRAAAA~~ Mhmm. You-you!!

(Plaintext: Flowers…and my dear FLORRRAAAA~~ Mhmm. You-you!!)

--To be continued, maybe! If you have any questions you can ask. I'd usually give a HCs explained section but I'm kinda tired right now.

[blookmallow]

my brain is buzzing with anxiety so im oddly in the exact right space to binge through something (which i can usually NEVER do unless its video games) but not to like, analyze very well but anyway im enjoying the fallout show immensely. i expected id probably at least like it for the Hey Look, It's That Thing You Like references but its genuinely really engaging. im gonna try to say some things. i have like. 2 more episodes i think

i knew the ghoul was going to be my favorite the moment i knew there was a ghoul bc ghouls are always my favorite but he is. his storyline is so fascinating to me and i am So into him even though they could've done a way better job with his face. i realize im saying that and then not really talking about him that much but all my brain is giving me is "hes so fucked up i want him" so lets move on

the vault tec cult vibe is so strong and so well done. the contrast of "creepy isolated dystopia that thinks its the perfect society / this is the only fucking place left in the world that's clean and safe. people are nice to you. there's food that isn't, like, irradiated mystery organ slurry" vs the chaos and lawlessness of the wasteland, the brutality and ungodly horror of everyday life on the surface / the freedom of choice and expression and the Realness of it. is it better to be controlled but safe, living in a box but a clean well-supplied box, or to be free and know the truth and face Reality but have to live in squalor in constant danger. i feel like the moral questions and social commentary really vibes with the intentions of the fallout games from what ive played through so far, it's taking those thematic elements and expanding on it in a way that's really engaging and interesting.

i love our vault girl so much. she's sweet and sheltered and naive but she's not stupid. she's fucking Brave. she's determined. she believes in the good in people and believes in kindness to the core of her being not because she's brainwashed but because she's a genuinely good person who wants to fix things in a way vault tec never did. she's facing the destruction of everything she believed in and choosing in spite of it all, to stay kind anyway. she has been mocked and hurt and humiliated and degraded but still she chooses kindness. not because she feels like she has to. not because she's too dumb to know better. but because she believes in it. the "golden rule, motherfucker" moment ruined me

i still don't really understand what the brotherhood of steel is or does but i feel like this has at least given me a clearer concept of their culture and beliefs than ive ever gotten before. maybe i need to do a fallout 4 run siding with them to understand them better

i love well meaning dumbass brotherhood boy. ive forgotten his name because he keeps using "titus" which i know wasn't his name but he's cute

completely blindsided by matt berry mr. handy but then realized you know what, they're right, i could not imagine better casting without using the original voice. i love that for him. they did the "extremely politely murders the fuck out of you and then apologizes for the inconvenience" so well also

the gore is so fucking good they captured the casual but hilariously gratuitous violence excellently. we got limbs getting blown off. we got heads exploding. i love this. no notes

im just. im just so happy for good writing and an engaging storyline. so much of media these days suffers from absolute dogshit writing and i expected this to look cool and be sort of generically fun if you like fallout but mostly empty references, and i was completely wrong and i am so happy to be wrong

that said, where are the super mutants. where are the deathclaws. give me super mutants and death claws

[trashcanfills]

So I just read your hanzo space hcs and I loved the part about hushed conversations between him and genji in Japanese and I'm sorry if this request doesn't make a lot of sense but could I ask for a reader who finds out hanzo likes them because they know Japanese and listen to the arguments between hanzo and genji? Thank you and I'm sorry if this is long or confusing.

Mam/sir no this is not confusing. I like that you elaborated on the scenario u wanted me to write cus boi it helps hehe.

This became a monster of a fic jesus so uhhh more content for you i guess pardon the wait. I might edit this later cus Im not sure if Im happy with it now but eh its been stuck in my inbox for so long with some other requests better release now.

Shimada Hanzo x Reader - Hidden Confessions

Hanzo would likely be crushing on you after spending quite some time with you as friends. It’s hard to tell though because he never really says how he feels out loud, like I doubt you even are aware he considers you as a friend unless you confident/observant as hell or sth happened that both of you had to clarify for the sake of your friendship.

But alright lets say that you both consider each other as friends and you both know that. Cus friends to lovers tropes are gucci hehehehehe.

Ok so you def have to be crushing on Hanzo at this point, which I dont blame you for btw like look at the man. There’s a reason for the loads of fanart around him.

Unfortunately as we all know with the fucking friends to lovers trope drama, you cant just admit you like Hanzo that way, cus what if he doesnt sees you that way and it ruins your friendship and makes everything btw u??? Uh yea better safe than sorry bitches. Just keep it down and appreciate that you get to hang out with the angsty ass archer anyway.

Except…some kinda weird things have been going on with Hanzo and Genji? You think you see Genji talking to Hanzo in hushed whispers abt something that, based on Hanzo’s flushed and irritated expression, Hanzo clearly doesnt want to talk abt. It HAS piqued you interest when it tends to occur more often whenever you see the Shimada bros tgt. Asking Hanzo about it however just has him to dismiss it and change the subject. Rip.

Later on those hushed conversations do end up occurring in front of you and other overwatch members, in Japanese, since not many people do really know the language and the conversation was prob meant to be abt sth private and secretive.

Except, you do know Japanese. You didn’t exactly inform Hanzo or Genji of it because it seemed really entertaining to have them have these supposedly private Japanese conversations OUT LOUD without realising there were people who understood what they were saying. I mean, if it was a really sensitive thing they should be speaking behind closed doors right? Like cmon lol.

Usually, whenever the Shimada brothers talk to each other in Japanese, they would exchange some form of wit or ridiculous reference to their past (like that time Genji tried to cajole Hanzo into joining the DDR contest during one of the weekly game night sessions, until Hanzo said he still has pictures of Genji’s 16th Birthday Party Incident in Japanese. Ngl you were a lil curious what the incident was, but its likely some form of embarrassing blackmail).

However THIS TIME, it was completely different. You were chilling with a few other overwatch members plus Hanzo and Genji in the recreation room. Cue your surprise when Genji decided to ask Hanzo in Japanese:

“Sooooo…have you confessed your feelings yet, brother?”

Im sorry HANZO?? HAS FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE????? Thank god they weren’t really focusing on you that much otherwise they would have noticed your body tense a little at that. You don’t know exactly how to feel about this because this can either spell sth great or very bad for you, but most likely bad because what are the chances…right?

Hanzo predictably flushes a little, scowling even harder. If you didn’t know any better you would probably have thought that the archer was pissed at Genji about something instead of being embarrassed (tho i mean when has hanzo never been annoyed at genji lol)

At Hanzo’s expression, Genji sighed out loud. “You do realise you can’t stew on your feelings forever-“

“I can if I want to and that is my decision to make, not yours.” Hanzo hissed back. Genji, unbothered by the interruption, continued:

“-and you have been pining for them for like almost a year.”

Hanzo scoffed. Genji kept going. “I mean they are literally just RIGHT THERE. You can ask them out on like a freaking date-“

“-and risk the potential embarrassment and fallout of our current platonic relationship?”

“Look, I doubt y/n would be the kind of person to-“ Sorry, hold the phone. Did Genji say YOUR NAME?? DOES HANZO ACTUALLY LIKE YOU BACK??? HOLY SHEET???? It was literally taking all of your concentration to not combust on the spot and give away the fact you could understand what they were saying in Japanese because HOLY FUCK HANZO RETURNS YOUR FEELINGS??

Ok ok calm down and listen back to the conversation because you were zoning out a bit from the revelation that Hanzo has a crush on you. Genji was still talking.

“-and you can’t be sure that they aren’t interested in you. Heck, from what I see, they seem very receptive to your boneheaded ass-“

“Being friendly and polite in a platonic relationship is no grounds for speculating romantic interest, you idiot. It’s only a common courtesy-“

“-dude do you NOT notice how much closer they are to you compared to anyone else here-“

“-and that means nothing, Genji. Cease this conversation.”

“Hanzo-“

“No. I do not wish to discuss this any further. Regardless of what you say, I severely doubt they would even like me that way.”

“Even then, just TRY. That is all I am asking of you, Hanzo. Because I want you to be happy for once-”

“You know, you guys could just asked me yourself right now if that’s what you are worried about.” You chimed in. “And speaking of which, I do actually like you too, Hanzo, and uhhh I would be totally open for a date anytime?”

Their reactions were priceless. The moment you spoke up in Japanese had the two Shimada brother halt their conversation to look at you in shock. Hanzo in particular had a myriad of expressions too entertaining to watch.

Hanzo practically went through an entire rollercoaster of emotions when you interrupted. Shock at you speaking Japanese, horror when he realised you spoke Japanese and understood it which meant you were able to listen through their conversation this entire time, until he processed the part on you liking him back which turned into a mix of joy, relief, embarrassment…yea rip Hanzo lol.

Genji meanwhile was trying so hard not to laugh because holy sheet your timing was excellent.

He had to shake Hanzo a bit to get him out of a daze, and gestured at him to ask you out. Hanzo gets his wits back after, glares at Genji because he’s such a lil shit. He then glanced at you briefly before looking away all flustered. “So uhhh…I’ll pick you for dinner at 7pm later?”

You gave him you biggest smile and agreed. That was the start of your beautiful romance with Hanzo, albeit with a mildly embarrassing start but hey, you guys got together since then. :3

BONUS: during the date

“I wasn’t aware that you knew Japanese.”

“You didn’t exactly ask me.”

“…Fair point but still.”

BONUS BONUS: immediately after Hanzo asks you out

“Holy fuck finally!”

“I-Cassidy WHAT?”

“Look. I had to sit through y/n telling me that they are crushing on Hanzo, and listen to them whine about how unfairly hot and cool Hanzo is. I couldn’t do anything about it because I had to keep it secret.”

“Mood.”

“Genji, why are you saying mood? I didn’t tell you about my crush on your brother-“

“I had to sit through Hanzo waxing poetry about you whenever he gets in this weird mood or when he gets drunk during our drinking sessions. It was funny at first but then got sad after a while when he kept making himself depressed over the idea you didn’t see him the same way.”

“You did NOT have to reveal that information-“

“You were the one who chose to confide in me, brother.”

“Hmph, then I suppose you won’t mind me showing y/n my collection of blackmail material of you, then.”

“Woah woah woah let’s not go THAT far-“

[kazuwhora]

hello hello, i see your requests are open now and can i request izana, wakasa, chifuyu and kazutora with an akutagawa!s/o? hope you have a great day/noon/night! ✨🤗

hi anon! sure! I will try my best with izana and wakasa since there's not tons to work with personality wise so forgive me if theirs are a little shorter heh. im gonna include a little blurb from the bsd fandom wiki for anyone not familiar with his character! I like these kinds of headcanon requests so if anyone wants to see more please feel free to request!

"Akutagawa has a black and white "survival of the fittest" view of the world, claiming that weak people should die and give way to the stronger ones. He is not afraid of pain and defeat His ruthless, vicious nature makes him one of the Port Mafia's most dangerous members, feared by both ally and foe. As violent as he is, Akutagawa maintains a generally composed and detached approach. Towards subordinates and superiors alike, he acts aloof, distancing himself from social interactions however possible. Nonetheless, his composure is fragile. Akutagawa is quick to lash out, ridiculing him for risking the bounty by acting recklessly. This quick temper often gets in his way, fuelling his actions to the core of his very being."

SUMMARY: izana, wakasa, chifuyu, && kazutora with an akutagawa!so

CW: hints of toxicity and violence, mentions of sex but not really all that nsfw-ish so otherwise not much else!

IZANA

- this is an interesting one because from what we know about izana, he is very similar in personality to akutagawa in terms of ruthlessness that stems from childhood trauma and isolation.

- in the case of a s/o with this personality, I think it would be a troubling relationship. lots of bitter fights fuelled by nothing but an inability to express vulnerability, while leaving both of you torn up inside and begging for someone to nurture the trauma and allow space for emotions.

- that being said, with toxicity and trauma also comes intense passion and desire. this relationship brings a lot of fire both in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom, with simple arguments often spawning into intense desperate (and lengthy might I add) sex. like, intense. it's almost like sex is the only safe outlet of these pent up emotions, providing a sort of comfort and also distraction for both parties.

- however as I said in general, this is definitely a toxic relationship. one where neither can help the other when it comes to growth and improvement on a personal level. it's unhealthy and enabling, but for a short lived fling it is hot as fuck im not even gonna lie. lots of hate sex too.

WAKASA

- so wakasa is another interesting one alongside izana given the lack of information and content we have about his character so please excuse the slight kc fanon version I have in my head of wakasa lol

- wakasa has a "don't fuck with me because I do not fucking care" type of vibe to him. I definitely think he's the type to completely disengage from the type of behaviours an akutagawa-type s/o might display. this leads to sort of a sense of competitiveness in trying to get some kind of reaction from him, and it has the potential (much like izana) to become toxic in nature

- any attempts to get under his skin are failed attempts, and the way he looks at you with that half bored expression is something that only triggers more of a somewhat emotional response from you.

- with that being said, my fanon version of wakasa is someone who while cold and aloof, is also quite a rational person. he's been typed by the fandom as INTJ which is quite a quick thinker, and I think he probably (despite not showing it very well) has a soft spot for you. but your passion and intensity (as well as your easily triggered dynamic) keeps him from completely being able to express this care in any way other than not engaging with your antics

- as much as there are some similarities with the type of toxicity in this relationship with both wakasa and izana, the intense passion isn't quite the same as it is with izana. instead, feelings of passion are more to the point and driven by pure instinct and desire rather than toxic passion. wakasa seeming like a very literal person, is actually quite mysterious deep down and has a lot (I mean a lot) of hidden desires and kinks that begin to emerge with time. it's rarely a conversation, and more often just something that happens that surprises you. you just have to go with the flow here, and let him take the reigns for once. it might actually be a good opportunity to allow for vulnerability to take the spotlight for once, which is something wakasa is surprisingly in tune with and quite to the point about.

CHIFUYU

- this is something much healthier than the last two. chifuyu, being an enfp is someone that's able to handle this level of intensity in a person while still being able to understand what's really going on.

- call him the trauma counsellor king. he values each and every response to a trigger that you might have. he notices patterns, he makes mental notes of things, and he does this all without making it seem like he's analyzing.

- to be honest he actually loves the spunk you bring on a day to day level. even though most of the time it's driven by bitterness or hate (not always towards him just in general) he is still able to see beyond that and appreciate you for what you are.

- with that being said, chifuyu will not stand for any toxic behaviour towards him. no sir he will not. threats and pushes for fights wont be tolerated, and he will either disengage or try to expose your vulnerabilities in an attempt at forced submission. this can be hard to get used to, especially with having a personality characterized by the inability to accept being vulnerable. but with time chifuyu is one to create a safe space for you to allow yourself to feel emotions beyond anger and resentment, and he encourages this.

- because of this very feelings based approach, intimacy with chifuyu is just that: intimate. he's extremely loving and doting, hoping that his sweetness can rub off on you a little bit. however he's also very accepting of your need for power over him (especially during sex) and will absolutely submit to your needs in order to please you.

- he really likes to put you in a place of pleasure though, so however that may come to you chifuyu is the one to deliver it.

KAZUTORA

- oh boy. this one is a doozy. listen. if we're talking about timeskip kazutora (as is the case with all characters i write about but I feel it especially important to remind ppl of here given his history), we're talking about someone who is quite literally walking on eggshells in terms of his trauma and emotional vulnerability.

- he's pretty good at being emotionally aware of his needs and struggles as well as the needs and struggles of those around him, but that doesn't mean that he's entirely healed or capable of managing toxicity or his triggers. he still slips up from time to time especially when things get hard, and sometimes finds himself falling into his old patterns. after all, he's only human. but this is where things could get messy in a relationship.

- for the most part, like I said, he's pretty good. so let's focus on that part first since I want to give him credit where it's due. he is very desperate for love and dedicated to providing something to his partner. in this case, he will seek to tap into his emotional vulnerability to provide some sort of comfort for you. he wants to see you happy, and calm, because he sees so much of his old self in you that it gets to him sometimes. but at the same time, he struggles with your relentlessness and can become emotionally drained when things get tough. he'll beat himself up for not being good enough to help you, and this is when he'll isolate and fall into old patterns.

- however, akutagawa's personality type isn't all bad. with a s/o like akutagawa, comes an immense amount of protection and loyalty for their loved ones no matter how tough things might be. in this case it might be hard to communicate this, but there will be times when it's needed in order for kazutora to restrain from old habits and ways of dealing with hardships. but he wants to share his healing with you, he wants you to be happy, and more than anything he understands the struggle of wanting to be happy and healthy but being afraid of losing the one thing that makes you you: your attitude and relentlessness. nobody understands this better than kazutora, which is why things between you can get frustrating and very personal for him.

- much like chifuyu, sex is driven towards pleasing you and only you. chifuyu leans more into switch territory however, while kazutora is 100% submissive. in this case it works out well, however he has a lot of boundaries and limitations when it comes to the way in which you function. he doesn't like degradation. instead, he thrives from praise and any sign of love and care. this might be tough for you to execute 100% of the time, but when it comes down to it the way his eyes twinkle for you is enough to make the ice around your heart melt just a little more each time.