#im trying to have compassion for myself but its hard

[coolcoelacanth]

im all negative bc i never do anything fun, I don't have any friends, and it seems like everyone always has something negative to say about me all the time (at work the patients and my one boss 🙄). it's hard to be positive when everything just feels so draining and nobody appreciates you. even my one preceptor was being a bitch to me the other day (WeLl I dOnT seE iT WrItTen AnYwHeRe). i dont get how people just feel so comfortable being rude to people like why is it so normalized i can't think of a single person i was mean to recently like wtf. and the one guy i was talking to on bumble hasnt responded to me today and i actually liked it and it was making me have hope for humanity. he's probably just busy but i hope he doesn't ghost me it would be nice to have a little fling or something to have fun. endure and survive i guess 🫡

[honeytonedhottie]

starting ur healing journey⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🩹🎀

healing is so important for us to function and have good quality of life. a lot of the time its easy to brush ur mental and emotional health underneath the rug but its just as important as ur physical health, if not more important. take care of urself…💬🎀

SHADOW WORK ;

shadow work is a form of journalling that focuses on confronting our "shadows" or parts of us that we dont know well, to help kind of understand ourselves better, why we respond to certain situations the way we do etc. it rly dives into urself and ur shadows.

HOT TIP ; if u search shadow work prompts on pinterest they have some rly rly good prompts, thats where i get all of my prompts. i also have a couple posts that include shadow work prompts…💬🎀

the most common way i see people do shadow work, and the way i do it, is by using shadow work prompts and choosing a few that resonate with me. i'd answer the prompt in depth and talk about it in my journal. shadow work has helped me heal in so many ways and i highly recommend it if ur thinking about starting to do shadow work every now and then.

WHAT DO U STRUGGLE WITH ;

recognizing what triggers you and things that u struggle with help you to identify the underlying source. this is called being more aware of urself, so i challenge u to dig deeper into urself and try and find out what the BIG idea is.

some things to take note of when ur trying to identify the deeper reasons for ur behaviors, feelings etc is to look at…💬🎀

♡ what do i value

♡ what do i have the strongest opinions towards

♡ what is something that i think of all the time/why do i think that all the time

by also looking at ur biggest fears, ur strongest opinions and ur deeply held values u can kind of understand what u value most and where ur insecurities and fears stem from. something that u can also look to is the things that u regret...

STRUGGLE WITH REGRET ;

first off, understand that u should recognize, reflect and then move on because living in a past moment is stagnant and u can't expect urself to heal if ur doing so. the only thing that u rly can do is heal from it and learn from whatever u regret so much so that then in the future u dont repeat those same things.

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING GENTLE WITH URSELF ;

practice self compassion!! i swear everyone is so kind to literally everyone EXCEPT for themselves. give urself a break and humanize urself. u can do this by allowing urself to make mistakes and forcing urself out of the shame cycle. you are allowed to make mistakes cuz your human!! stop being so hard on urself.

furthermore remembering to be gentle with urself can cultivate a better relationship with self. acknowledge ur feelings and remember that whatever emotions ur feeling are totally normal and valid. doing things like…💬🎀

♡ journalling and nurturing urself, ur being gentle with urself and to me thats rly important when embarking on ur self healing journey

WAYS TO SHOW URSELF THAT U CARE ;

♡ practicing forms of self care and grooming - ur showing urself the love that u deserve and that ur worth taking care of and putting in effort for

♡ being mindful of ur health through what u eat, how much u sleep etc

♡ walking away from toxic situations, people etc and protecting ur peace in doing so

♡ getting fresh air everyday and moving ur body

♡ focus on urself and your needs before focusing on the needs of other people. you first.

SEEK AND YOU'LL FIND ;

lately most of my worries and the thing that has been putting the biggest strain on my mental health is things that i dont have the answer to. and by seeking help from some of my moots and my friends and searching on my own for answers that satisfied my curiosity i feel like i can live yk? cuz im constantly in a state of wondering and asking myself things that ik stress myself out and im working on breaking that cycle…💬🎀

[gabrielapazlima]

Why do i ship Cuddlejump⚡️❤️

(Hoppy hopscotch x Bobby bearhug)

And how i see their dynamic being like!

if you guys follow me for a while you guys may already noticed my very normal adimiration for the ship between hoppy hopscotch and bobby bearhug from the smiling critters...its not like they are 90% of my art gallery and that i cannot shut the fuck up about this ship hahaha right?

well,yea,i really,really,REALLY like them- its a ship that i pratically came up with first than anyone and somehow other ppl ended up found of them....but why? Why does Gabriela da paz lima is so normally obcessed with the ideia of a green tomboy rabbit n a red carebear being a couple?

At fist you may think "Uhh it is probally because of the classic tomboy tough girl x soft girly girl archetype right?" and yea,i can see why ppl think that is a very famous lesbian ship dynamic i respect ppl that are solid into them bc of it.... but its deeper to me than that...first i want to talk abt hoppy n bobby's solo characters first!

Hoppy Hopscotch⚡️🐰

ngl when i entered this fandom she was like,my favorite...i still love her tho

she is basically the energetic tomboy of the group acording w her official descreptions,she is also know as THE big motivation force of the critters,always pushing them out their comfort and have a very adventuous n positive spirit-

BUT she have very noticeble characters flaws as well,not only she is quite loud but she tends to be bossy n really impatient,being described as someone that can be "handful to deal with",and before the book release she is literaly the only critters with her character flaws listed-

i always liked how her personality is kinda complexish in comparassion to other critters,she is clealy have a good heart,very loyal n likes to help the others (which we can see in her cardboard line) but she can come up as rough n "overwhelming" in the way that she does it,she doesnt have the intention of hurt or being mean but she still comes as rude due her lack of patience n understanding( cof cof autism) of ppl's limits-

i really like her i feel like she is SO underrated:( you guys have to STOP make her a bully,she is NOT like that.)

Bobby bearhug🐻❤️

i love bobby so much that is not even funny,she is my kin baby-

she seems to be the typical shallow love girl at first sight but...theres so much more abt this carebear....

in her descreptions she is basically the mom friend of the group,she is here to keep her friends together not matter what,she is very phisically affecionate,she is emotional inteligent being very patient n understanding ( which is kinda of what hoppy lacks 👀) n her compassion don't limits itself to only hed friends but to things,places n basically any living thing-

she seems to be pretty much the perfect girl right?...well yea almost....and then theres her voice lines that give a very tonal shift to her character....

"i love you to the moon and back!im CRAZY about you...im lost without you...i been lost a long time....please take me with you this time....you'won't leave,will you?!"

at first it seems some kinda yandere shit but reading more and more deep in that,it sounds so desesperate n sad tbh...i seems like she is not thay confident by herself n DEEPLY fears the abandoment...which is...very ironical for HER character...

"But these lines are about the bbis destiny" yea i know but these lines are ALSO reflected in their cartoon personalities,like kickin being scared n hoppy being impatient...it very likely that is ALSO linked to her canon personality as well...which also makes me think in what amber said about her...

Damn thats....so relatable...i always try my best to be there for other ppl but im always so hard to myself when i know that i should not....thats a perfect irony to the "love character"...

she does not have that much of strong will for herself,she does not love herself in the same way that she loves everyone...she feels weak and defenceless n unwanted being at her own because she doesnt feel enough...

fuck,im crying...They will NEVER make me hate you,bobby bearhug.

🐰⚡️About Hoppy n Bobby's relationship🐻❤️

you see...they are both are very complex girls that love to support people on their own distinte ways,hoppy is the more of phisical support crittet while bobby is the emotional support critter- they deeply care about their friends and they want see them trying news things...i would say that they both valorize support over anything,thats their main atribute-

but they are also deeply flawed in very different ways,hoppy is impatient,bossy n can come off as rude bc of her lack of caring side....also very reckless as consequence....(kinda the reason of why she died) Bobby is very emotional dependent which causes her to panic over the ideia of being alone n doesnt like trying to push herself to do anything when she is feeling too alone( that also can be the reason of why she died)...

they flaws n qualities...weidly compliment each other well...hoppy needs more emotional inteligence n more understanding,not only of other ppl's limits but her own limits.... Bobby needs strengh will and motivation due her deep insecurities and self loath,she can be stronger than she is at her own,and hoppy can show that to her-

i feel like they dynamic is really strong and be summarized as "Besides all our differences,we value the same thing and in the end of the day,i really need you"

i just REALLY love comprimentary duos + opposite atract sorry- call me basic bitch.

💚More of their dynamic plus personal headcanons❤️

i like to think that hoppy would be sighly unconfortable with bobby's affection fowards her at first but she is slowly beggins to enjoy it and reciprocate it-

i also like to think that they would be the ones to come up with the group's activities together,hoppy tries to do batshit insane stuff but bobby tones them down to be safier-(they MIGHT go into lil fights abt it)

also hoppy really enjoys bobby's anger/tough moments because she is surprising REALLY strong but she always never show it-

hoppy also tends to be emotional but she nevr shows it util bobby find it by her own and she ended uo breaking her tough girl persona in front of her(which of course bobby accepts)

Bobby,hoppy n kickin were kinda of a trio and they basically the over loving girl,the cool "chill" guy and the hyperative dumbass...it fits them...

i have a MILLIONS of stuff to say about them but i would be here forever sooo i hope you guys have enjoyed my yapping about cuddlejump:)

BYE!!!

[glitchdollmemoria]

i think one of the most frustrating things for me regarding my own schizotypy is the difficulty with communicating. i cant tell if its gotten worse over time, or if im just becoming more aware of it as i learn more about my condition. its frustrating, because theres so much i want to say sometimes, and i just cant. i cant voice my thoughts succinctly. i cant explain whats going on in my head. i try to talk to people, and i get misunderstood, i get told that its hard to follow what im saying, or people draw the wrong conclusions.

and theres not anyone in this world who can magically decipher what im trying to communicate - not any friend, not my partner, not a doctor. no matter how loved i may be, no matter how much effort and compassion goes into any interaction with me, i will always have trouble being understood. unless theres some medication that can fix the wiring of my brain, and i doubt that given ive had schizotypal symptoms for as long as i can remember. even if i follow through on all my plans and i get married and have a fantastic life with my beautiful incredible wife and i have children i love and care for, i will always have a degree of separation between myself and my loved ones, and it makes me want to cry.

i can come to terms with magical thinking, i can learn to manage that. i can work to gain a better understanding of the patterns to help me recognize the differences between rational thought and delusion. i can bear the weight of knowing my perception is different from others, i can handle it, ive been catching onto it for years. i can even appreciate that my schizotypy gives me a unique sense of creativity. its a gift in some ways, even if its mostly a burden. but struggling to communicate, knowing ill never be fully understood, knowing im stuck in my own little bubble and even the people who love me the most are incapable of breaching it - that hurts. that hurts the most.

[stateswscarlet]

i want to manifest my desired face whenever i dont see a movement i go crazy and the cycle starts again, i just wanna get my df but im tired of this cycle i always go back and nothing happens, i feel like all that thing is waste of time but at the same time ik its true cuz i've manifested a lot of things. but whenever it comes to my df i cant stop wanting it and after fulfilling myself i feel like it's done, but after 10 mins it happens again. i start to get mad at 3d again and its just so .. i cried becaus i want my df and 3d makes me crazy. i feel like nothing happens im so desperate i dont wanna read 823823 loa posts anymore i just want to be pretty as like others. i hate that feeling of 'trying so hard' hope u answer

<3

this genuinely makes my heart hurt :(

this is what i told another anon:

“unrelated, idk what youre desiring to change about your face but make sure you’re approaching it from love and not hating/disliking your current self. it makes me so sad whenever people tell me theyre manifesting a whole new face thinking itll make them happy, prettier, attention from people, etc and it wont at all. changes starts within and you are more than worthy of being just the way you are and treating yourself with love and compassion.”

please understand that “getting” a physical change will never ever ever ever take away your insecurities or make you happier, fulfilled, nor will it make you feel pretty from the inside. literally look at all the supermodels and stars who are drop dead gorgeous who we pine after who are incredibly insecure and are constantly hyperaware of their insecurities and flaws.

PLEASE i beg you the best thing you can do for yourself is practice self love RIGHT NOW the way you are. stop waiting for some ideal face before you chose to love yourself, as that day will never come. you will find more and more reasons to feel insecure and upset at the 3D and be running in an endless cycle “manifesting” things to change but you’ll never be satisfied.

you need to remove your dependence from the 3D/outer world by understanding it can never give you anything. go within and instead of focusing so much on your face changing focus instead on the feelings of being secure, safe, etc regardless. stop chasing shallow things like pretty privilege and attention and anything else you THINK your df will give you (spoiler: it wont give you any of that).

coming from someone who isn’t conventionally attractive and used to hate herself and her looks, it is SO important to love yourself and accept yourself the way you are first before expecting others to do that. i learned to love myself exactly the way i am. my inner shift changed my attitude and how i viewed myself which led to others reflecting that. i started getting attention, pretty privilege, etc (which now i know are just shallow things) without a single physical change.

i really hope you understand where im coming from anon. its not that you cant have your df, but if youre unable to love yourself right now you wont be able to love yourself with your df bc youll find a million other reasons not to. once you remove this from the pedestal you have it on (thinking itll make you pretty, etc) it will be much easier to focus on the feelings of security and anything else you desire.

[thatdeadaquarius]

Imagine everyone in genshin could physically see when you lag. Collecting some sunsettia then my ping sky rockets to 999 and im frozen for a good minute in the middle of doing an attack 😭

SOB bro ive gotten caught in some DOWNRIGHT SILLY lags before- i would pass away if they saw that

Esp since i get them stuck then just start laughing my ass off 💀

This gif took me out this is so funny 😭 i had to put it here LMAO

I accidentally made Venti jump on top of a Aranara house when I was first exploring Sumeru and did that "flying in the air/jumpin down pose" but just. Through a palm leaf, he's just fluttering in the wind it was painfully ironic 😭

BRO

BRO

Bro.

What if u were isekaied to Genshin but it still has game rules, and so now ur like a character too,

SO U CAN ALSO LAGGGG STOPPP 😭😭😭

I would constantly be omw to the Backrooms 💀

Glitching thru magic shit bc im inpatient and wanna hurry (lagged myself thru some domain steps once)

OH MY GOD-

IF THEYRE AWARE

OF EVEN JUST YOU LAGGING THEIR BODIES

DUDE 😭

So this is unrelated to lag shit, but Ive just done so much silly ass things in game that they would find just as funny or dumb 💀

♤

So, When i first started Genshin I was on some Shit.

I had only rlly played one or two open world games before, and even then not for a long time, so I just like did the stupidest things

I was fighting in those early domains in Mondstadt right, and I had just gotten to the cutscene with Lisa and Traveler, I think thats all who were there

And I had just finished the last battle in the chamber, so I had just deployed Baron Bunny from Amber but killed the monsters before it could go off-

SO IN THE MIDDLE OF LISA TALKING- JUST AN EXPLOSION HAPPENS STAGE LEFT OFF SCREEN AND INTERUPTS HER LMFAO

I LITERALLY APOLOGIZED TO LISA I WAS CRYING LAUGHING SO HARD

(no pls dont make her aware of that for me she would bully me forever)

I FELT LIKE I WAS JUST CAUSING THESE CHARACTERS PROBLEMS RIGHT OFF THE BAT LMAO

◇

And I also didnt know about boss monsters yet (i didnt watch anyone play genshin/know where or what they were lol goin in blindfolded essentially)

So im running around Mond. and I start fighting a Cryo whopperflower for a little while, im not high level yet, and deadass MID SWORD SWING-

I GLITCH THRU A TINY CRACK IN THE ROCKS BC ITS OPEN ON THE TOP RIGHT??!! SO IT WAS JUST SOLID GROUND TO ME AND IM JUST FALLING-??!!

AND THEN I LAND MY ASS THE GIANT CRYO FLOWER REGISVINE AND I STG IT LAGGED AND WAITED FOR A MINUTE BEFORE IT STARTED MOVING LIKE IT WAS CONFUSED TOO-

AND ITS LEVEL IS LIKE IN THE RED

AND THE FALL KILLED AETHER (which I also didnt know could happen 😭TRAUMA) SO I JUST SUDDENLY HAVE AMBER OUT- !!??

BRO THAT WHOLE SITUATION MADE ME THINK I HAD ANGERED THE TINY FLOWER SO BAD IT JUST BECAME HUGE-

I WAS LITERALLY SCREAMING AT MY SCREEN "AMBER FUCK RUNNNN OH GOD AETHER'S DEAD???!! "

BC I WAS LIKE LEVEL 14 VS. ITS LEVEL 36

Talk about an all-knowing creator god 😭😭

Thatd be so embarassing if they remembered that 💀 aether would literally bring it up all the time to get to me

AMBER WOULD PITY ME AND HAVE SYMPATHEY NOO

♧

Then later on in Liyue, theres a chest underneath these guard statues hidden by a bush right? And one of those Geoculus star things too, and i have my compass out trying to find all the Geoculuses(?)

And Im like, " ok towards the statue??"

THEN I JUST PLUMMET- AND I IMMEDIATELY INSTINCTIVELY LIKE, SO HEARTBROKEN AND DISTRESSED SOUNDING "nOPLEASENOTAGAIN- oh, ohhh my godd" my heart was racinggg i literally sighed and I sat there for a minute breathin heavy 😭😭

My team wouldve had a heart attack and field day with me doin shit like that, theyd be like

"This our god? This you?"

Aether has so much blackmail on me 🥲

☆

If I had a mora for everytime I fell on a boss monster in Genshin Impact, I would have 3 mora.

Which isn't a lot of mora, but it's weird that it happened three times.

Cheers,

💀♒️

(we updated the logo bc im stupid and didnt realize i couldve been typing that the whole time)

♡the beloveds♡

Srry figure it was close enough id tag yall anyway

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[hollyhomburg]

Li! genuinely asking, house does it feel to write something so many people resonate with?? So many people find comfort in? What do you feel when you hear various ways you have affected them?? How they were held by your works so gently when the world hadn't been so kind?

Honestly at times it can be a little bit intimidating at the very least, comforting at the most, because i know that I’m not alone but at the same time its an incredibly vulnerable feeling knowing that ive got my most innermost thoughts and im putting them it there for everyone to see and read.

Like when i say that you guys know more about what ive been through than like 90% of the people in my life- its wild to be so intimate with so many strangers on here, to share things that i would struggle to share verbally, to know that you guys know how my brain works because you read how my brain works all the time.

And then at the same time I also feel very loved and very taken care of- because as much as i try to pretend that the m/c isn’t a writer insert charecter- there is no separating my trauma and her trauma, or separating what happened to her and what happened to me. And every time that you express sympathy or understanding or love to the m/c, you are in the same way showing the same compassion to me and what i went through. If shes strong, then I’m strong.

Otherwise though, i think its hard to feel the impact that I’ve had on people, because i can’t see you guys face to face, its hard to belive that the love is very real and that i should belive in myself and what i do. even though i know all these things, i think if i met you guys in person I’d feel different, and it would be a whole new kind of overwhelming, i think id feel that I’ve held you and helped you guys a lot more genuinely if this wasn’t all just with words.

I think that right now i can’t think of it in such grand terms, i think that right now all i can do is tell myself that at least i make people smile, at least i give people a reason to sit and read for a little while, a little respite and a little bit of softness. You’re right, the world is very violent at times. We have nothing and everything to loose.

[fairycosmos]

being neurodivergent & trying to make friends is so hard. like no matter what i always feel like i'm not truly liked or fit in to any group and it's such an awful feeling

i totally get you, ive had this feeling my whole life and its never really gone away so i just wanted to send some understanding and love ur way. ive tried my best to cultivate one on one connections with other neurodivergent people in my like, quest to escape this feeling of alienation but it's a very very slow and difficult process, finding the right people at the right time. i wish the difficulty of making friends as you get older was talked about more, because it's definitely not easy even for the most confident people out there. everyone is disconnected, no one has time or resources or patience anymore. i really hope you find people who will treat you with the care and respect you deserve eventually - i spent my teenage years internalising this rejection as something to be ashamed of and something that is inherently wrong with me but lately ive been trying to have a bit of self compassion when it comes to this TBH. couldnt hate myself into being someone else, so. bottom line is im not hurting anyone even if i am not always palatable to neurotypical people - im just a person trying to communicate. there's nothing wrong with that or us. hugs. X

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

Are you more of a cbt girlie or are you more into psychoanalysis? Have you integrated your shadow self? What are your thoughts on conversational therapy?

hmm well i've never had cbt or psychoanalysis done on myself in any meaningful type of way so i have no preference ^^ tried a cbt workbook once but it never made mucb impact. conventional therapy i always found to be completely useless for myself, and ive tried many times since i was a teen. never brought me any relief or self awareness i didnt already possess. rn i do biweekly OCD therapy which is kinda helping cus its more focused and actually provides a lot of useful knowledge i can apply day to day when the spirals come up.

as for shadow self, ive been worki ng hard to integrate it since around 2018, and i believe it is a lifelong practice, but i've made progress for sure. tbh what helped me most was having a few close friends who were willing to call me out on my bullshit back when i was really downbad. i was so hurt & embarrassed at first but idk where i'd b at now if they weren't strong enough to pull the trigger. like i was totally stuck in loops of self-victimization , perpetuating my own misery, i see it all so clearly now in retrospect n im forever grateful they trusted me enough to give me tough love!! they did it because they rly believed i could change myself, and they were right. my shadow will always exist but i have compassion for her now, and its easy to see thru the pain she feels just like how my friends did back then. see it for what it is and not act on it.

love honesty & community is the answer, imo. Strenghten your self concept so u can do more for others. learn to comfort your shadow in non destructive ways instead of trying to run from it or outright abolish its existence. thanks for the question hope ur well, have a good day anon 🙏

[faraway-sunshine]

Aaaa This is my first time doing this idk if im doing it right and I hope this is the right blog hiiii im nervous but I wanna join in !!

So 2 things:

1. Could you explain what Aspergers is (Is that how you spell it?) I've never heard of it !! I hope thats okay to ask. Im very interested in psychology (not enough to become a psychologist but you get it, right?) And I would love to know more !!

2. I know the romance conversation is over but I really related to your response to the guy asking if you liked boys so I wanted to say something. I still, to this day, dont know the difference between platonic and romantic love, and im in a relationship !! Yeah... Somtimes I worry "What if I dont like her romantically and im just leading her on??" But then I remember how happy she makes me and how I would love to live my life with her by my side and the worry goes away. For a little while at least. I used to think I was aromantic asexual or cupioromantic because I didnt know the difference, now I just think I might be demiromantic. Though I am still young so I guess all of this could change. I guess its just, love is hard. Its hard to know if you feel it romantically or platonically and idk my advice is to not get into a committed relationship until you know for sure you love them romantically. Dont be like me please ^^"

Anyway aaaa I hope im doing this right, im new to Tumblr and definitely wasnt planning on talking to anybody but I really wanted to join in sooo yeah !!

Hey, welcome, you're all good!

So Aspergers according to the current medical manuals is a diagnosis under the autism umbrella. It's the fancy therapist way of saying that I'm autistic, but not "Autistic Enough" for a lot of things like disability pensions and regular school. (Admin Note under the "read more" regarding this.)

That sounds really nice. I am trying to trust my feelings about this, but I am going to be careful if I ever get in a relationship and I definitely won't right now.

(Sunday 17th September, 2000, 8:31 PM)

(Admin Note: This blog is set in the past, where a lot of mental heath terminology was drastically different to now. Nowadays, what people used to call Asperger's would just be on the autistic spectrum, and the term is considered outdated. I am autistic myself in a way that would have been considered Asperger's in the day, so I felt I could make the call to use the older language as long as the rest is accurate and it's made clear that Sunny's being treated with compassion and understanding for it :D )

[crippled-peeper]

(same anon) so if i punch myself in moments of distress, even if i do my best to NOT punch myself- would that be a tic? this is something that happens when im in extreme distress and a lot of the time no matter how hard i try i still end up punching myself in the face rather hard. its really one of the only things that happens to me that even resembles a tic so it confuses me

I’m really sorry you go through that, having struggles with the impulsion to self-harm can be scary and isolating

Self-injury and self-harm are not “voluntary” in the sense that you willingly chose to hurt yourself and that’s what you wanted to do. I don’t think anyone WANTS to hit themselves, its just the only way they feel they can get relief. when they have no control over their environment or what is happening to them, in response to abuse, and because they learned that self-hitting or self-injuring provides a very temporary sensation of relief or distraction. that doesn’t mean it’s good, but a lot of people resort to it when they feel trapped and under attack

By saying self-injury isn’t always a tic, I never meant to imply it’s not real or serious or a very hard thing to have to deal with. People who self-soothe by injuring themselves deserve compassion and understanding, they are the most likely to be brutalized by police or hospitalized involuntarily. people who tic are subjected to the same level of scrutiny and are more likely to be labeled as dangerous, too, because ppl are uneducated about both and conflate them.

[junowritings]

I can imagine you already have a lot of these, but Id like to ask for a matchup for bg3 please (no preference on gender!)? I suppose some people might consider me the mom friend of my group, I'm always happy to give people advice or reassurance, make sure theyre fed and doing well, and Ive found I definitely have the protective instincts for it. I have no problem calling out the bullshit of other people if it hurts them, and honestly if they even asked me to deal with the confrontation of talking to someone or telling them to buzz off i would without a heartbeat. I never have though, usually because i know better than to offer. Im also happy to take initiative and step into the leader role if no one else will or wants to. Im not the best with it, but ive been in situations where the only person willing to make a decision or do anything is myself, so its almost become habit. Thats really where the similarities stop though. Im very stubborn, which can be both a blessing and a curse. On one i really want to do or have something ill find a way to do it one way or another, which can lead to somr creativity on my part. However, sometimes, when it comes to arguements or disagreements, it can be hard to get through to me. Usually i try very hard to be understanding and i do well, but i know im not perfect. Im also very scatterbrained and unorganized. I love to be sociable and meet/talk to people, and ive always been very good at making friends, but im not the best at initiating those social situations. Im used to going unnoticed and never had the opportunity to work on it, so im used to just keeping to myself most of the time. Ill admit its not something i really like though; i hate admitting it, but i do love getting attention from other people. Its also not really a feeling i get often, but i do have a fondness for when someone gets protective over me. Ive had to fight for myself by myself a lot over time, so seeing someone else care like that would make my heart swell i think. Most of my hobbies are either creative or involve storytelling. I love to paint and crochet, and ive been working on learning the guitar, since i adore music so much, though my skills with each vary quite a bit. I do love learning too, some of my favorite subjects are math and science, not because im great with them (ill admit i suck with math sometimes), but because they challenge me. (I know that was a lot, but tysm!! Hopefully i got everything you need in here ejdjdjdj)

Thank you so much for the ask dear! This was plenty of info thank you so much for taking the time to send it! :D I think a lovely match for you would be...

This is very much the protective meet-cutes for your respective circles.

I’m gonna be honest, it’s probably that fiery streak of sorting out a confrontation that introduces the two of you in the first place. Lia’s always taken on the role of the protector to those that she cares for; always been the first to step in and go to bat for the sake of her brothers, and she doesn’t shy away from any confrontation if it involves someone she knows. Her moral compass is unyielding, and even if it gets her into more trouble than anyone would like she sticks to them. In a way the two of you are very much alike in that sense, as your fierce loyalty to others is an admirable trait. 

She’s seen how you care for others, how you nurture a healthy environment and take the time out of your day to make sure that everyone feels seen and cared for. It feels like a breath of fresh air after everything that they’ve been through, to meet someone who offers guidance and advice and care with open arms rather than closed fists and scorn. At first she mistakes these feelings as respect - it’s only natural - but it really doesn’t take long for her to realize she’s becoming downright smitten when you turn that attention and care onto the tiefling. Lia works to repay you back in kind by having your back anytime, anywhere - sure you take on the protector role for your companions, but who’s doing that for you? Lia gladly adopts the role, even if it does net her more than a few knowing side-eyes from Cal and Rolan who know damn well that it’s also an excuse to stick close to you.

The two of you mesh well for the most part. Granted you may occasionally butt heads in certain circumstances - namely ones that involve her safety because we all know she’s far from being careful. Where you can be stubborn, Lia can sometimes be downright obstinate, and that mesh goes together as well as oil and water when neither side is willing to make a compromise. Lia will be the first to admit that she’s got a fiery temper, and can get worked up more easily than she would like; but thankfully with time the two of you can find a balanced ground to talk things out on. When things get like this, give one another some time to calm down and come back with cooler heads, and things become a lot easier to handle and deal with. Lia isn’t above admitting when she’s done wrong or gone too far, and her apologizes are open and honest because she wants you to know that she’s listening and cares, even if she does get too fired up sometimes. Expect to find apology gifts squirreled away in your pockets the days following these occasional tiffs.

She won’t always say it, but Lia’s damn impressed at how creative you get in your attempts to get your way and see through your plans to the end. You say you’re scatterbrained but she’s seen you pull some tactician level feats in your pursuit of finding ways to get things done. Oftentimes it leaves her flabbergasted because half of your solutions are things that most people wouldn’t even think of, and yet there’s no denying the proud little grin on her face seeing the satisfied look you get when things finally work out in your favor after all of your hard work.

On the other hand however if the two of you are on the same page about something gods are you a force to be reckoned with. You’re a united front, an unstoppable pair that once you decide on something it’s getting done one way or another. Which also means that Cal and Rolan are going to suffer. Not a single one of the siblings are above pulling tricks on one-another, and Rolan has more than once complained that you give her an unfair advantage whenever you’re roped into Lia’s latest scheme because of how well you work alongside one another.

Lia is very much an organized chaos kind of person - to any outsiders her organization skills are nonexistent, but once you spend enough time around the tiefling you understand quickly that she’s organized in a way that works for her. And that organization naturally shifts to encompass you own disorganization - little things like slipping your keys into your bag when she knows you’ll forget them or putting things that are easily lost amidst the chaos in places she can find for you later. It’s the little things but the thought is what counts; and you have to admit that the tiefling comes in clutch whenever you’re in a rush.

You’ll never have to worry about initiating social situations ever again. Lia is loud and vibrant and has enough of a pull with her headstrong nature to turn heads, and this is something she uses to her advantage. Pretty much every first sentence out of her mouth after an introduction is introducing you, an arm over your shoulder bringing you close and a tail hooked over your hip as she does so. She wants you to be involved; wants others to appreciate you and notice your worth and vibrancy and all of the love you give like she does. So don’t be surprised if she does exactly that - hells, 99% of Lia’s friends have heard nothing but good things about you before you’ve even had the chance to meet them. She loves her partner to the hells and back, and she’s enough of a hothead to make damn sure everyone knows it too.

If you’re ever in the mood to show Lia any of those hobbies involving storytelling she is absolutely ready. Tell her your tales as you run your fingers through her hair and along the grooves of her horns and she’ll just about melt into your lap. Don’t be surprised if your voice lulls her into a content enough state for a nap - it’s just so soothing, and Lia often winds herself up so much that she’ll crash into a powernap at the mere notion of safe rest. Even before the trek to Baldur’s gate a rest without one eye open was the norm, and anything more than a fitful rest was wishful thinking. But here with you? With your gentle touch and loving voice in this little moment of peace you carved out of the gate for the two of you? How can you blame her for wanting to savor the experience a little? Plus if she misses anything it makes for an excellent excuse to do this again. Just to hear how it ends of course.

Lia will take any and all opportunity to gush about the crafts that you make, and she’s not afraid to do it any chance she gets. That art piece you made? The paint isn’t even dry and she’s trying to strongarm Rolan into putting it up in the reception of Sorcerer Sundries. The half finished crochet project you’ve been promising to come back to? Every single guest you’ve had has heard how amazing the thing’s going to turn out once it’s finished. It’s hard not to get flustered over how brutally honest she is about wanting to show off your work to others. If you ever ask why she’ll simply respond by saying that it’s because it’s your hard work. And whether you’ve spent fifty seconds or fifty days on a piece it’s going to get just as much love and recognition from your tiefling.

If you’re looking for more hands-on experience learning the play the guitar Lia’s got no qualms pulling some strings to get Alfira to help you. I like to think that all of the tieflings kept some form of contact after arriving at the gate so chances are you’ll be well acquainted with most of them before you even mention your interest in learning to play. The same goes for your penchant for learning - Lia’s been more the type of person to learn from experiences than books, but she'll fully encourage you to pursue your interests! (she gets sibling rights to pilfer through the books in the safer sections of the library, so anything you decide to keep from there doesn’t get more than an eye roll, a resigned grumble and a warning to be careful from Rolan.) It’s well worth it to see your expression warm at the sight of whatever piece of learning literature she’s brought home to spoil you with.

[probablynotnothing]

This picture is from a book called "all along you were blooming" by morgan harper nichols.

its almost unbearably hard trying to be a human who is good, careful, smart, forward thinking, and doesnt harm others. i didnt experience pain like this when i was younger. i know now i dont use any substances at all it is also terrifying and frightening to experience emotions i prevented ever experiencing when i was younger. through numbing in many various ways. some of these emotions its not necessary for me to experience but i dont know yet which these are. so coming off the tail end of the season of pointing my anger against myself, i will use the last remains of this guilty desire to harm myself by experimenting with what does and doesnt help me in certain contexts.

It's so difficult to know myself and what works for me to do to feel better in different circumstances, since i relied on drugs, sex and food when younger in a way that I now associate with my downfalls and shame. Yes many things i did to cope and make myself feel better when younger had outcomes not in my best interest, but there was really magic in doing things by consulting my inner desire and enjoyment. i want to do that now and minimize harm (financial, health, relational) while also being compassionate to myself that my brain doesn't experience joy and rewards with the things that "it should" experience rewards with. I dont have patience, i dont like arts and crafts, I like hands on activities and exploring and learning, and thats ok.

I cant problem solve it and know all the answers right now regarding how to think about myself and life. i'm frustrated so many people know who they are and what theyre doing, and that they feel inherently rewarded doing the things that take me massive willpower to force myself to do. i feel betrayed that i don't enjoy doing much and certainly don't seem to enjoy anything "upright" and "productive".

i have so much debt and dont have any financial plans in place. i keep eating out because its the only way i can feel comfort and pleasure lately and i don't have the energy and patience to cook like i used to. i know my unhappiness directly relates to my job, and my job directly relates to my financial constraints. it seems like a self perpetuating cycle. Don't know the way out but im grateful to remember this is a major aspect of my unhappiness and anger, and I'm not just "broken". I'm experiencing appropriate human emotions for a human in my circumstances and history.

I force myself to go to these classes I dread each week because i tell myself if I don't I may be stuck in my exhausting dead end job forever and never get closer to my goals and just keep breaking down my body more with overworking myself in fast paced physical labor jobs. I'm experiencing the discomfort of something new yes- but I am also experiencing the discomfort of incompatibility and disagreement in philosophy (dog training), and a lack of inherent rewards. I'm trying to force myself to behave in a way I think I should to accomplish my goals, but doesnt the path my end goal need to be filled with things i find bearable and rewarding in order to confirm i'm on the path?

I keep on feeling like a ghost. winding up in situations where i dont want to be rude and infringe ("who am i to sidetrack this person's path"). while its important to be able to quietly peacefully depart paths and leave into the night, at some point i do need to also learn how to be honest about confusion, disagreements, etc. because i need compassion for myself, to be willing to take up room and help those who may not want to ask for help or admit they need help, and i need others to help me by giving me opportunities so i can selfishly have a job that is actually compatible with me and my inherent advantages/ strengths and disadvantages/weaknesses.

I need to recognize for myself the difference between sincerely liking someone and being compatible, and the difference of living in "customer service mode" and trying to be likable and peaceable with everyone.

When i survived when i was younger, and got out of homelessness, could i have accomplished it in ways that didnt involve gritting my teeth and forcing myself to "stick with the program"?

it feel like an overwhelming disaster to examine and sort through how my unhappiness relates to practical matters of the present or past memories, but its worth it for me to try to find my peace adn happiness, and try to get to the life i want to live, even when it feels impossible.

[undeadhorse]

imagine sisyphus happy sure. thats a real evocative phrase that can mean a lot of things. i am trying to figure out how to be happy in the daily struggles. but i think interpreting that phrase that can go awry fast. cuz it carries the implication of nothing changing. like ur pushing the rock up the hill endlessly. dont think of yourself as sisyphus.

when im hurting i visualise myself hurting, or i listen to music that echoes what im feeling and it feels, good? but like bad too. it feels like understanding. but maybe im making things worse.

i think i need to imagine myself happy.

i was thinking about painting something connected to how i feel. celestia leaking glowing green blood from wounds all over her body. or undead and hurting. or on fire. and being invisible or beyond helping.

but if i think of myself as that, too much, i think its self defeating. theres a balance to be struck.

recieving the recent diagnosis and becoming aware of the severe brain fog ive been dealing with daily without realising. i think ive been really scared ill be held back by my health forever. and die before i make anything of myself.

thats a fear ive had for a long time. but im acting like i just got sicker. when really, ive been wandering and surviving without any direction, but i just found a compass.

i have a path to follow now. it will be hard but it will get easier. it wont be worse than surviving on my own.

i need to picture myself thriving. i need to focus on the hopeful aspects of this. i might feel like im undead right now, but im not dead at all. im sick, and i can get help.

i am going to be happy, and i will do the things ive been dreaming of.

[dinoburger]

hi i relate to ur posts for a number of reasons. i have keratosis pillaris and i have been picking at it for years to the point my upper arms are a shade darker than the rest of my body. its a habit im not confident about it but its sometging i deal with. i used to struggle really badly with dr/dp now that im not as stressed anymore its not as bad but i still got dissociation as part of my bipolar and if i see smth that can trigger dr/dp it will. im arab iraqi specifically my country is still in ruins from the invasion my relatives were killed by saddam and ive experienced islamophobia all my life. it hurts me to see my people getting killed and dehumanised and honestly i cant even be surprised caus thats how i felt people would treat me all my life the only time i saw arabs in british media was in headlines talking about honour killings and terrorist attacks and domestic abuse cases.

anyways. all of this is to say. your compassion doesnt depend on your suffering. compassion is a seperate utility from suffering, it stems from being a good person, not empathy. people who lack empathy and emotions know this, that they can do good and care for other people even when it doesnt affect them. getting medicated wont take away your compassion. youre still going to care about people other than yourself. in fact it wont even take away your capacity to feel emotions. before i was medicated i hadnt felt anything in months, and now i feel more than before. you shouldnt be hurt or suffering to show how much you care. pain is not a solid foundation for caring about others. please allow your motivation to be your compassion, the desire to do good, and improve the lives of others, not your self flaggelation. nobody benefits from your hurt, they benefit from your actions. if you believe that there should be no suffering in the world and that everyone should be happy then you must accept that includes you too. (i admit it is refreshing to see someone who cares this much, but i wanted to express these thoughts as someone who relates to a number of the things you talk about)

this is very considerate, I appreciate your vulnerability with how close to home this is... I think more what I mean to say is that it's frustrating not to have a choice and be compelled to reshape myself and my emotional response under threat of being belittled and shamed by the people I rely on rather than because I made an informed decision to

but you're absolutely right, it's not fair to conflate suffering and compassion, in fact I'd say pain is one of those things that makes it very hard to focus on anything but one's self... I guess it's more that I struggle not to feel taken aback by how apathetic some of the people in my life are about it.

I hope there's some kind of justice for you and your people in this lifetime, and I'll try to be more gentle if I can - it's definitely something I could work on... thank you for being so understanding

[ankhisms]

various ramblings trying to type thoughts ive been having

sometimes i get the feeling that people think less of me or negatively about me due to my different brain issues like not processing and understanding things etc etc and i dont know if thats my anxiety/extremely low self esteem self worth/paranoia combined with a history of people mistreating me or if thats actually happening yknow i really dont want to assume that people dislike me ive been trying to break that pattern of thinking within myself which again comes from a life time of abuse and of people very openly disliking me so my brain goes well its always been the default that people dislike us and are angry with us. its like i know i have brain processing issues but i wish that wouldnt make people like me less or think less of me. instead of telling me that im not actually stupid id like for someone to tell me that even if i am stupid they still care about me and will have compassion for me and my mistakes. ive been thinking about something a mutual said i genuinely cant remember who said it memory issues flaring up so hi if it was you but it was like. online theres this phenomena where even peoples tiny little slip ups and in the bigger picture not that big of a deal mistakes can be documented and held against them for an eternity and that for a long time theres been a certain cultivation of behavior of like. idk what the word is i dont think hyper vigilance is the right term but the kind of mentality where if you make even one mistake you have that held over your head for years. and im realizing that i really grew up with that kind of mentality surrounding me online (and similar mentalities irl) and i think that really fed into and formed a lot of different issues i have. there was a post i rbed maybe earlier this week about not thinking that youre one slip up from your friends abandoning you and i really want to get myself to believe that but the problem is that thats genuinely happened before or thats been threatened to happen before with me and so again my brain goes well it could happen again everyone you know and love could suddenly cut you off out of nowhere with no warning or everyone you know and love is secretly talking about how awful you are. and i get scared that im somehow doing things wrong without knowing that im doing things wrong or hurting people without realizing im hurting them and lately i keep just being hit with the feeling that everything i do is wrong and that im making people angry or upset with me even when im literally not doing anything and it sucks and i wish i knew an easy way to get out of it. ive mentioned this before but when it comes to my issues like this one thing is like. i dont want people to think that im so fragile and scared that ill shatter if they come to me and talk to me saying hey rey this thing you did upset me/hurt me etc i dont want people to think that ill fall apart if im told about a mistake ive made or that ive done something wrong i want people to be able to come to me and talk with me and i always want to be able to grow and admit when im wrong and i dont want to hurt people. and then ive been thinking about how even though i have lovely friends who i cherish and appreciate and love so much i still feel so lonely and seperated from everyone who i know and love and i feel like im on the other side of a glass wall and that no one can reach me and i want to get closer to people but it always feels like i cant. but i dont want to doubt my friends love for me i dont want to doubt that i have a place in peoples lives. but its really hard. anyway its almost midnight i should sleep thanks if you read this