#im trans im queer is the rest even that important anyways

[rememberthelaughtermp3]

realising that the reason why identifying with only one gender and being perceived as being exclusively only one single gender makes me deeply uncomfortable and identifying as one and then the other and always longing to be the one im not was all probably because i have multiple genders that i identify with and forcing myself into one of them will never work out for me and ill always feel incomplete without both.

[kiitoskiitos]

My copy of mutilation grindset arrived today. When I initially ordered, it was entirely because of the recent august comic and I knew nothing else of your work - I was simply moved, and suddenly I needed it.

I'm reading through the rest now, particularly the essay that begins with the Preciado quote and I'm so very grateful I've been able to read this, despite not expecting it. I hate gender - when it comes to me, personally, and my inability to align myself with it. I've always been trans, but not trans in the way I felt was expected of me, somehow incorrect. Always looking at trans people who seemed to be able to pick a side and fully commit to it, and cis people who never needed to, and finding myself wanting *that* surety but unable to take it.

I think I can be whatever I am, though. I think I'm going to stop searching for the labels that fit my gender, my sexuality, my everything.

You've helped me immensely on this random Thursday of no particular importance, slipping through my letterbox with the usual ads and flyers. I'm still a work in progress, but now I feel I actually know what I might be progressing towards.

Apologies if this is too personal for your ask box. Just know you've helped me, I don't need a response.

I'm very grateful, thank you.

this ask has been sitting in my inbox for a long while because i didn't know how to word how much it means to me. thank you so much for sending this! one thing that's really important to me is to change the idea of identity only being solid and secure when labeled.

tho the increasing popularity of "queer" as an identity is a sign of progress, having no label is still often misinterpreted as questioning or not discussed at all. it took me years to finally understand that feeling connected to labeling is a subjective and not objective experience, that i propably wouldn't ever find "the right one" since to me labels in themselves felt foreign. even though just like you, i have always and will always be trans. obviously i don't think everyone should be non-label, but i've actually been a bit surprised how rare gender abolitionist etc. thinking is among queer discussion. though maybe im not looking in the right places, or interpreting these very subjective and hard to word ideas wrong. but anyways, so glad to find someone who relates to some of these thoughts, this text is very touching :,,,3 sending love <3

my life has many times been altered for the better by queer people before me, so it's very meaningful for me to see myself now take my part in the chain of information and ideas. thank you again <3 going to prolly write more about labels and why we have this craving toward them, i think it relates to western thinking, assimilation obsession and medicalisation, at least.

[theo-files]

Other than Troy, how do you think the rest of the characters would react to transfem!Abed?

ooh okay interesting!! i have a feeling this is going to be a long post because i have five characters to go through so im gonna put a break in the text here.

the easiest one for me is britta. it's shown that she gets very supportive of causes she deems important, even if that leads to her feeling like she's on a higher moral ground or just getting insanely supportive to a degree that it's a little,, uncomfortable?? i feel like she'd have the right intentions but be a little ignorant of how to actually interact with trans people, like she is with her "lesbian" friend paige. i don't doubt that a similar thing would happen with abed when she first finds out, sort of flaunting that she has a trans friend. i also think a similar thing would happen with annie, with her wanting to know the best way to be supportive and britta not having the right idea of how to do that (like when she says it's homophobic to ask questions lol. or at least insinuates that idk it's been a while since i've seen that episode).

but also, abed is her friend and if she noticed she was making abed uncomfortable she wouldn't want that to be the case. i feel like i kinda trashed her in the paragraph above, but britta is a good friend and wants to support abed, yk? basically im saying i think there'd be a bit of a learning curve for britta.

okay next up is shirley! she's very obviously religious. we see her use this as a way to guilt people a lot and also to be homophobic lol. in my opinion this would definitely apply to abed being trans too. I can vividly picture a conversation about how you should accept the body god gave you lol. but i think abed's way of dealing with this would be to,, not! she's just gonna ignore shirley while the other members try and convince her to chillax. eventually, i think she'd have to/learn to accept it. she'd bake abed cookies with the trans flag on them in frosting and they'd mutually accept it as a peace treaty.

then there's jeff. i hope you don't mind if i briefly hijack this post with a transfem jeff winger but we all watched that episode of abed's birthday, so. i think jeff would be 100% chill with it (e.g. it's her life, not mine. why should i care?) but it would also force him to think on some things (e.g. you mean you're ALLOWED to be a different gender??).

let's do annie next! youngest of the group but still slightly out of touch, i think she'd be very accepting from the get-go. maybe a little confused, but i feel like she'd buy a lot of trans pride merch for abed. she just wants her to know she has a safe space, alright?

do i even have to mention the dean? he's excited to know another queer person and very happy that said queer person is in the study group.

uhm okay. so now we've arrived to pierce. y'all remember that one episode i mentioned earlier with britta's friend paige? and how after pierce reads his whole speech someone (jeff?) says that it was oddly supportive? iirc, of course. i think that applies here, too. sorta like pierce is trying so hard to be transphobic, he loops back around to supportive? a real "you'll never be a guy" vibe, if that makes sense to anyone else.

anyways, thank you @superbluebirdgirl for the ask and sorry for how long it took for me to answer!! i honestly forgot it existed oops. hope you enjoyed it!!!

[bacarin]

cw: sensitive language, violence, transphobia, genocide

absolute vent rn

been getting slightly fucked by dysphoria today and I just can't help to think how much I want out

not detransitioning. going stealth. and that makes me feel guilty

i transitioned because i wanted to be me, that's why most of us do it anyway. and i knew i would be dealing with transphobia for the rest of my life, which's span expectancy is short in this country, but this is too fuckin much

it's so far from the violence i used to get growing up as a apparently queer boy (even though i suppressed it so much), it's full out genocide. it's a full out war. Brazil always had it's problems when it comes to violence against LGBT+ people, but this is different.

whenever i fuck around the old net (twitterland) i find out how hard the reactionary right is trying to import the narratives from the international alt-right, which simply doesn't make any sense im brazilian and latin american societies in general. travestis were always marginalized, but they're trying hard to convince we're going for children in schools and what not. it's funny because 51% of brazilians personally know a transgender person, so it's hard for that narrative to stick. and yet, they're trying so hard

my point is, this is so fucking big. it's overwhelming. these are not our homemade societal problems at play, they're the reflex of what's going on in the US and UK, because of their fucking imperialism

and at this point I'm just so fucking tired.

i have so many issues to deal with, and a stupid ass Santa Catarina neo-charismatic protestant with US Made Queer Panic™ and n4z1 tendencies is something I'd rather not have on my tail

the only reason I can't go stealth right now is because i moved in for college in the beginning of my transition and basically everyone who knows me from back then knows I'm trans. that's most people i'm acquainted with rn still.

but i keep fantasying about when I graduate and move on to another social circle. I don't want to out myself to people I work with, unless they get really fucking close to me. I want to live like there's no gun to my head, held by the average child abusing maga/bolsonarista preachers

but then i remember how that's just selfish as fuck, not to say impossible. like, fine, i go stealth and live as a cis woman untill they start attacking trans healthcare and i end up without my MCT oil thingy i inject every week. I'll be as good as dead, only difference being that i didn't even put up a fight against it

i am part of this war regardless of what my "normal life" dream is, so yea, guess I'll curl up and cry for a few minutes, then pick myself up and go make some diy conservative heaters for when the time comes. really hope it doesn't get down to that tho. nós somos melhores que isso, América Latina. either way, I'm not trusting on the flowers to beat the cannon this time

[sorikkung]

Mischief, Of Princes and Princesses was everything I wanted and more! I want everyone who would be uplifted and comforted by this story to be able to access it. In the spirit of your original offer-

"as this fic is about queerness and acceptance, i will happily rewrite it for other queer identities upon request, whether that be trans woman, nonbinary, or any other shade of queerness, so just let me know!"

Would you consider, in time, creating an all-ages version that skips the sex? I know there is a lot of characterization in there that would be lost so this is not as simple as I make it sound. For once my favorite moment of a story was in the sex scene and I would hate to lose this:

"Mingi nods so quickly and intensely his crown slips sideways on his head, which is a cutely messed look on him. You like it, but you have an idea of a look you’ll like even more, taking the crown from him and swapping it with the tiara atop yours. It compliments him far better than it does you, you think, and seeing him wearing what’s so uniquely yours has your heart swelling"

You know I am ace and read everything as a learning experience, and this time I did not even wander away realizing my Neopets needed to be fed mid-scene as I have done with some stories, so it is not for myself that I ask. We know there are young people, sex-repulsed aces, and people otherwise preferring a safe for work version who would love this story too just as I do.

Thinking on it, bet a "just the sex" version linking to the original might draw people to the story who otherwise might not try it too.

oooh, so that was your favourite part! that's a good one, i do think it was very symbolic 😌 im sure i can incorporate the same concept into an all-ages version, did you want that to be an explicitly asexual reader, or just one where they just don't escalate from that balcony scene? how much of the making out should i leave in 🤔

that being said i don't think ill make a smut-only version, because that just takes away the entire message of the story i wanted to write. i already confessed i was not initially planning on putting a sex scene at all - though now im glad i did, you're right in saying it added a lot of characterization - and only really put it because works without smut don't tend to get half as many readers as works with it. it was a very blatant attempt at drawing in more readership for such an important story hsjshdjhd i feel like taking just the smut out of it ruins that. im sure readers who don't care about the rest would probably just skip to it anyway, but it would kill me if the notes on a smut-only version outdid the original, and honestly that's a very likely scenario.

[reyeslonestar]

Women who obsess over relationships between queer men are fetishizers perpetuating harmful stereotypes.

well hello. I’m a little confused as to what youre actually asking here, but that’s okay. let’s have a chat about this statement anyway.

fetishisation:

to make something the subject of a sexual fetish

or: to be excessively or irrationally devoted to (an object, activity, etc)

so, in response I gotta say - yes. queer male relationships have been and are fetishised by some women, just as queer female relationships have been and are fetishised by some men. no denying it. that is the uncomfortable reality that we live in.

however, because you’ve sent this to me, I presume you mean to direct this as a criticism at the way I blog about TK and Carlos? okay then:

1. am I making that relationship the subject of a sexual fetish? no. I am ace - believe me, there is nothing sexual in the way I interact with that relationship. quite frankly, the thought makes me extremely uncomfortable.

2. so am I excessively or irrationally devoted to that relationship? personally, I dont think so. I am a queer person and engaging with the depiction of a queer relationship of any gender is something I do because it is a depiction I relate to, something I see myself in and something that gives me hope for my own future. that’s not irrational, and as for excessive, you dont know me or my life or how I devote my time. this blog is only a tiny fraction of how I live my life, so dont presume to make assumptions about it.

so no, im not fetishising them.

as for perpetuating harmful stereotypes, yeah, again, there are some women in fandom who can and do perpetuate bullshit about queer male relationships, such as ideas of top/bottom, the masculine one/effeminate one, a comfort with using queer slurs when they are not in a position to reclaim those slurs etc. I could go on. but I dont know if youre talking about something specific with regards to my blog or me because your ask is very vague, however I can fairly confidently say that I avoid fulfilling those stereotypes because I actively work to avoid doing so. if you disagree, let me know what I can work on. I am always looking to improve.

so before you go attacking the rest of the fandom with this ask, please dont. as I said above, yes, fetishisation and stereotyping are problems, but as you’ve sent this to me I dont think you actually recognise when people are fetishising queer relationships. and when you do learn to recognise it, vague statements in inboxes is rarely an effective method of tackling it.

you can’t exclude women from interacting with queer male relationships or men  from interacting with queer female relationships as a blanket policy. the queer experience is more intersectional than that - and fandom can often play a part in someone’s queer self discovery. that ‘woman’ you see obsessing over a queer male couple may well be a trans man or non binary person who hasn't come out or even reached that self realisation yet. and queer people can feel the positive effects of queer representation even if it is not an exact mirror to their own experience. and straight people can engage with queer relationships because they relate to that depiction of a relationship. relating to relationships and characters does not need to be restricted by gender or sexuality.

tl;dr, fetishisation and stereotyping are important problems that need to be talked about and tackled, but you’re not tackling those problems with this, you’re gatekeeping fandom. it’s bullshit and it needs to stop.

[faemytho]

ds // onebizarrekai

so uh. tobin has some really nice headcanons.

tags: transphobia, homophobia, implied sexual assault, implied murder, coming out story, internal misgendering, unintentional misgendering

this is also very unedited bc im Tired, gay, and pls look at these trans boys i love them

-------------

The seed of a thought first planted itself when Dream had talked about her to the villagers. He'd been gesturing gently, spine ramrod straight and poised into the perfect picture of composure. A particularly nasty one yelled loud enough for Nightmare to hear.

"She's a witch, and she protects nothing but trouble!"

Nightmare had hidden under the covers the whole day after that, squishing her chest uncomfortably against the mattress and feeling sick to her stomach.

Dream didn't bother her.

----

She cursed, stumbling over the uneven pavement, her cape flying out behind her. Stupid fucking guards. Stupid fucking justice initiative. Where was her justice, huh?

"Did you think of that, Dream?" She muttered, slipping around a corner and inside the building she'd just rounded. She didn't stay long, fleeing out the back. She hated her voice, though she couldn't quite pinpoint why. She didn't exactly have time to either. You didn't have time to sit and dawdle when your best fucking friend was trying to hunt you down with his freaky ass wings and new glowing eyes and spouting off the same nonsense she'd heard from the villagers her whole life. She figured it was something that would happen, Dream turning against her, but she never thought he would go this far, to this degree. And it hurt.

Holding her breath, she pressed herself against the wall, peeking around the corner. Clear.

She'd live another day.

----

"Oh, Margaret, did you hear what happened at the Stonewall Inn?"

"Of course I did, everyone's heard of it by now."

Nightmare paused, listening in. She wasn't exactly sure why. But the two women sitting at the outside café said nothing else about it, and eventually went on their ways. Nightmare watched one of them reach out to squeeze the other's hand, gently, before they left. Lesbians, then. Not that Nightmare had a problem with them, but it was dangerous to be affectionate in public if you were queer.

She meant to forget about it, but Stonewall Inn nagged at her mind, and she went to go find it herself.

She learned a lot about herself that day.

----

Nightmare felt comfortable, for once. That was saying something. He hadn't felt very comfortable in his own body since that day in the village. At least the name 'Nightmare' wasn't gendered. He didn't want to change it.

He kept his hair long at first, only binding when he went out. He was proud of himself for even going this far in his presentation.

The first time it happened, the person was drunk and handsy, and Nightmare had frozen up, his skin crawling and no longer feeling like his own.

He cut his hair after that.

But it kept happening, more people, different places.

He didn't keep count.

----

How his skin prickled. Dream had caught him, but there were alarms going off, and for once it wasn't his fault. When all the guards left, he fled the cell, and ran right into a face he only just barely recognized.

"I thought I told you to stay the fuck away from JR!" He snapped, grabbing them by the hand and dragging them with him.

He'd met Cross that day. Cross didn't ask him questions. Cross was useful.

Most importantly, Cross was a friend, and when Nightmare came out to him, he understood.

Most of it.

Error was the same way.

----

"Yo, Night, your binder's clean."

"Thank fucking god, you're a lifesaver Error, my lifeblood," Nightmare declared, his voice still light and floaty, and in his opinion, undermining his very important announcement.

Error muttered obscenely under his breath, tossing the fabric at him haphazardly from where he sat buried on the couch in blankets. Cross sat on the floor in front of him, mashing the buttons on his controller and hardly paying attention. Error sat down next to him, and Nightmare took the opportunity to shuck his top off and slip the binder over his head.

"You really shouldn't wear it at home," Error muttered, not looking at him while he pulled his top back on.

"Where the fuck else am I gonna wear it? Running for my life? Can barely breathe correctly after that, y'know," Nightmare snarked back, reaching out to gently flick the back of Error's head. His friend gave a little start, before turning his head back to face him.

"Well," Error started, unsure of himself now. He crossed his arms, huffing. "Still."

Nightmare snorted, burrowing back underneath the blankets. Life was good.

----

"You are going to come quietly, and you will not make a fuss."

Dream looked strangely cruel in that moment, and Nightmare hated it, his aura flaring lowly. The guards behind him held his wrists behind his back, and the guards beside him gripped his forearms tightly. He'd given up on struggling, figuring that it'd just be easier go and break out later. Error and Cross had gotten away, after all. They'd come back for him.

Dream turned away from him, calling back to the guards.

"Make sure she's properly restrained."

Nightmare felt as though he'd been dunked in ice cold water. He hadn't been called 'she' for a long time. It sunk down his chest like a stone, growing heavier and heavier, and he was suddenly very aware of his binder around his chest.

Ink, by Dream's side, watched him. Not that he noticed.

----

"I'm not sure why you thought changing your appearance so drastically would keep me from finding you."

Nightmare huffed, glaring at Dream from behind the bars on the door. He sat on the bed provided, his knees pulled up to his chest. He'd never hated his body so much before.

"I'm not sure why how I choose to appear is any of your freaking business, Your Highness," he snarked, and Dream's stoic expression twitched momentarily into irritation.

"It hardly matters much now, Nightmare. You've always been this way," Dream sighed, turning away from the cell.

Nightmare put his head down, tears burning in the corners of his eyes.

"Guard her cell."

Dream's footsteps faded, and he was left alone with his thoughts, hoping Error and Cross would come soon.

They did.

They always did.

----

"You're trans, right?"

Nightmare stopped in his tracks. He knew it was dangerous to keep his back turned to Justice Reigns's top mercenary, but he was too shocked to do anything but freeze up.

A hand rested on his shoulder and he whacked it off, turning to look up into Ink's eyes.

"Why do you want to know?" He snapped, his voice that light and reedy tone he hated. Feminine. Not what he was.

"Figured it was worth asking." Ink shrugged, sliding his paint brush into the holder across his back. He shoved his hands in his pockets and Nightmare took a step back, tensing up. He didn't like how relaxed Ink was, half expecting an ambush from Justice Reigns guards.

"... Yes, I am. What's it to you?" He snapped, and he cringed silently, hating how high his voice was.

"Same hat. What pronouns?"

Nightmare stopped, blinking stupidly. "He, him. Why."

Ink shrugged again, a ghost of a smile twitching against his mouth. "You on hormones?"

"Uh, no? Nowhere to get them. Nowhere safe, at least." He gripped his staff tighter, knuckles turning white.

"I can fix that."

"You're not safe."

"You think Justice Reigns isn't safe?" Ink paused. "Don't answer that. My point is, I can get you hormones. I already get my own testosterone, nobody'll suspect if I'm the one to smuggle you some."

Nightmare breathed out slowly, hating the feeling of hope bubbling in his chest.

"I literally meant you, shitwit. Why would you help me anyways?"

"Not being able to pass isn't fun. It's free at Justice Reigns, you know. Binders, hormones, surgeries. All that shit. Not very 'just' to exclude you."

It didn't make sense to him, why Ink wanted to help. Maybe somewhere in there, Ink had made some alternate connection that Nightmare couldn't understand, because Ink had actually shown up the next week, handed him the case he said he would, and left. No ambush, no Justice Reigns guards, no Dream.

Life was great.

----

Life was, decidedly, not so great.

Dream stared down at him, eyes wide.

Calloused hands cupped his face, and Nightmare couldn't breathe, couldn't move as Dream's eyes flickered over his features, confused and uncertain. It was almost unbearable, seeing Dream without the spark of recognition in his eyes for him.

Nightmare coughed, and the sound came out deeper than it ever had before. His voice had changed, finally, thanks to the testosterone shots Ink was supplying him with. He didn't actually care who they were from, as long as he had them in the first place. Ink had been trustworthy in one regard.

"... Nightmare?" Dream started, and Nightmare took a step back, away from Dream's hands, reaching up to rub nervously at the stubble that had started to grow. Dream's gaze hardened.

"Nightmare-"

He fled.

Dream didn't chase him.

----

"Why wouldn't she tell me?"

"He."

"Why wouldn't he tell me?"

Ink shrugged, flopping on one of the couches in Dream's office and pulling out his phone.

"I mean, not like he could just waltz up to you and say 'hey Dream, guess what I'm trans', you know?"

Dream let out a long breath, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"And just how long have you been meeting up with her- him, to supply her- him, with these hormones?"

Ink snorted, looking vaguely amused at Dream's furious attempts to correct himself.

"A while now. I mean, dude's on the run, where else is he gonna get hormones he knows are safe?"

Dream sighed and dropped his head in his hands, slumping in his chair.

"I need to go through all his paperwork," he muttered, sounding vaguely horrified. Ink snickered, looking up from his phone.

"See? You're getting it."

----

"Stop him!"

Nightmare skidded around the corner, laughing gleefully and dodging a swipe from Ink's brush. Black paint splattered the wall beside him, and he hooked his staff into the building ahead of him and vaulted on top of it.

"Do not let him and his accomplices get away, Nightmare must be detained now."

From the rooftops, he could see Dream, giving orders in a voice that easily carried over the buildings. Dream caught his eye, and he grinned. He hadn't ever felt so euphoric before.

Dream raised a brow at his smile, a smile of his own rising from sheer disbelief. It made Nightmare cackle and continue running.

Error was just below, and Cross was fighting off the guards nearby.

"Nightmare man, c'mon!" Error shouted, ripping open a portal. Cackling still, Nightmare tumbled down from the roof, kicking against the wall and rolling to the ground. He knocked the last two guards over the heads and rushed for the portal.

"Nightmare, stop!"

"Shit," Cross swore, raising his knife and backing up slowly. Nightmare turned, and Dream stood there in the mouth of the alley.

"You can all come quietly, or we can take you back by force."

Nightmare snorted, unable to keep the smile off his face.

"Sorry, got plans and my boyfriends said I can't. Maybe you can take me out another time, though. Dinner and a movie?"

Error snorted and Cross burst out laughing, and Dream, to their surprise, huffed and sheathed his sword.

"Insufferable. Very well then," Dream spoke, his face carefully blank. "Though I am choosing the movie."

Nightmare sputtered, and Cross immediately hooked his arms underneath Nightmare's, proceeding to haul him back through the portal.

Dream let them go.

[thegoldenavenger]

Me, wanting to participate in Pride but also feeling like im not gay enough to participate bc A) my asexuality feels like a more important piece of my identity in that, im hella queer but i am not interested in pursuing a relationship at all which makes my queerness both "functionally invisible" and the ace aspect of it is unwanted in the lgbt community

And b) i never had a traditional "coming out" experience, i just increased my queerness around those close to me until everyone is pretty sure im some shade of gay / trans and, luckily, everyone i know is generally chill with it, if not like The Perfect Allies, which makes me feel like im not gonna be welcome in lgbt spaces bc i haven't Experienced Enough Oppression to Qualify

Obviously i know those things wouldn't keep me from being welcome in the community. Even from my own perspective, the qualities I have, found in another person, I'd welcome as part of the LGBT and queer community. But when im introspecting, they make me feel like an imposter. :/

Anyways, happy pride all. Hope everything goes well this month and the rest of the months to come!

[candyclan]

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

[arttrampbelle]

Personal post do not reblog

Some rant and thoughts of late. Lgbt issues and feelings. Queer girl problems.

Outer me is tired laying in bed wanting to go back to sleep but can't. Not because of anything but because brain won't turn off.

Inner me is with some wine pissed off at these biphobic and homophobic assholes and just waiting for one to say some shit so i can bash em in the head with said wine bottle.

"I guess today is the day bitches die"

I just really wanna beat some ass right now.

People say "oh you should calm down"

Motherfucker that is the last thing you wanna say to me right as of this moment.

Unless you know what its like to be queer during pride month and absolutely hate how companies treat us during this month let alone how we treat each other. You will never understand.

Being ostracised by people within the lgbt community. People that preach love is love yet care nothing for poc,disabled,bisexual,pansexual,acesexual, demisexual,trans,etc. They only care if your lesbian or gay or a drag queen/king. They care for nothing else.

You either have to be absolutely flaming sparkle dick fabulous no matter what

Or your not enough.

You have to always be talking bout your own dick or vag or nobody takes you seriously.

It hurts.

Because inside i wanna be more open with my sexuality outside my orientation. But these assholes. Wanna always be up in arms whenever i just wanna talk bout the important issues or just talk bout sweet things that girls or guys or people do that make my heart melt. Like damn.

We never talk about the actual connection of sex. Like the cuddles,holding hands while embracing each others nakedness. Not just in body but in soul.

Like nobody ever talks bout that!

All they care bout is doin the do. Thats it.

I love sex. And I'm a very raunchy person with the right people around. But sometimes i just wanna talk bout sweet things too. Like kissing on the back of the hand is so fucking underrated and people don't understand how much i fucking love that gesture. From any gender. Good God that is fucking amazing. It makes me feel wanted. It honestly does.

And if its not the hypersexualization of the queer community.

Its just being able to freely walk and be with your bae. Without judgment. Or questioning. Like people still judge others. Bruh leave them alone they ain't hurting anyone. -_-

These things i wanna discuss because its important to me because it doesn't just affect me but it affects the people I love dearly.

Sadly i don't expect the lgbt community to ever truly be United.

And i don't expect anyone outside that community to understand or help much. Tho some try.

Im not trying to say there aren't people who are good. Or advocate for us and stand by us.

They do. And i thank them for that.

But as someone who has seen this shit for herself for years. And someone who has had biphobic comments and had to deal with people who just don't get it. Even when you have done both the gentle and hard approaches.

It gets worse every time.

But i still keep moving on. And i will never give up what i believe in.

But i can't deny that there are so many problems in our community that people don't wanna admit.

Bruh i have seen so much racism and hate in this damn community it ain't funny.

Not to mention that a lot of lgbt couples are in long distance relationships,are poc. Some are even in interracial relationships.

I mean a bisexual trans black woman(at far as i know i could be wrong because there was a lot of people saying other things but i dunno if its true or not but imma stick with saying her or they for now out of respect)

They was one of the first people who started a revolution for the lgbt community.

And yet. All these groups they was in. Is being attacked by the lgbt community to this day. Ironic aint it?

Queer women of all kinds. Always had the short end in life.

This is a fact backed up by history.

Anyways I'm done venting for now.

I may make more posts later. But i can't stay silent on the matters that i care bout.

I may have my brain not like me at times. But damn it im not gonna let that stop me for standing up for what i believe in.

I don't care if i lose friends.

I don't care if i don't have people. Because i got me. I always had me.

Even when i didn't want to.

I'm not gonna let this bitter fucked up world change who i am. Even tho at times i break.

I'm still discovering things about myself and i feel like i need to Express them.

And I'm not gonna let anything stop me from being the best human i can be at the moment.

Yesterday i cried. But i think i needed to.

I say these things because they matter to me.

And I'm tired of being slient bout these things.

Or brushing them to the side for the sake of others comfortablity.

If me being an furiously passionate bitchy bisexual woman offends you. Good. Stay offended.

Cuz i ain't changing for nobody.

Im gonna try to get some rest.

I might make a livestream or video bout stuff later.

[xyloophones]

hi! :) music anon here - i just read your reply and pls give me allllll the (gay) music recs!!

this is gonna be a long list anon pls buckle up. also note that im not gonna link anything bc theres a lot but all of these songs are on youtube/spotify 

🌈 xylo’s super gay, super incoherent music rec list 🌈

the basics / the popular ones

troye sivan. i know. I KNOW. half the playlist was already him but listen ive been a troye fan since he put out happy little pill & let me tell u all his songs have such a VIBE. blue neighborhood???? an iconic album. got me thru my last 2 years of high school. to this DAY i cannot listen to suburbia without thinking about driving to watch the sunrise on my first day of senior year w my best friend, sitting in the parking lot in her car n holding hands over the center console bc we were so scared of growing up. he just EVOKES that kind of MOOD u know??

listen to: fools–– talk me down–– heaven 

frank ocean !!!! a bi ICON. i waited so long for new music n he blessed us with TWO ALBUMS. not only is his music spectacular and literally lyrically genius (”see both sides like chanel?? c on both sides like chanel???“ as a metaphor for bisexuality???? BEAUTIFUL. INCREDIBLE. LITERALLY AMAZING.) but he also just has sUCH an aesthetic. 

listen to: thinkin bout you if ur feelin soft;  ivy ––chanel–– nights if u want his newer stuff

lesbian jesus herself hayley kiyoko. anon. ANON. listen to me when i tell u that her music will change ur life. she is so RELATABLE and her songs are SO CATCHY. the girls like girls music video single handedly raised my gpa and cleared my acne. 

listen to: everything uhh girls like girls–– palace–– gravel to the tempo

kehlani. im literally so obsessed. shes again another #bi icon. her gf is really cute. im in luv w her. sweetsexysavage is her latest album n its honestly??? driving my life force???? her voice is also just so lush & smooth while also bein slightly gravely in a way that makes me blush in public a lot like how can i be so gay for just her voice??? shes also just so charming n has the cutest smile and, again, i’m gay

listen to: honey is my fav song bc it reminds me of my gf (AGAIN: IM GAY) but distraction is v cute n flirty n a longtime fav. listen to in my feelings if ur ex is awful. also: keep on –– piece of mind –– the way feat. chance are all really good. just listen to her entire discography honestly

DODIE. ive been a dodie fan since i, a repressed baby gay, stumbled upon “she” on youtube and was filled with such immense love that i immediately stanned and here we are, 2 EPs later. nothing more relatable than pining for ur str8 best friend. pls listen to “she” it literally kickstarted my gay awakening

listen to: ill say it again, she –– also sick of losing soulmates–– her cover of somebody else by the 1975 

against me. i dont know if ur into punk anon but even if ur not, consider checking out against me. lead singer laura jane grace is a super badass trans woman & trans dysphoria blues is an album with. suCH EMOTION. 

listen to: black me out , a song to plan a revolution to. im here, im queer, im angry and its a midterm election year #registertovote 

lesser known artists + singles + lgbtq+ artists that i know but am not a big fan of under the cut

let me go by tunde olaniran. i regularly cried listening to this song after a break up. if u wanna be emotional n gay this is a good one. 

somebody loves you by betty who. ok not specifically gay (i dont think???) but it was used in a rlly cute gay marriage proposal (look it up on youtube im begging i guarantee u will be smiling for the rest of the day) and they are. ALWAYS. playing this one at pride. a bop. 

boyfriend by tegan and sara. ok i know theyre technically popular but no one talks about their last album and boyfriend is a good song ok?? ok.

jenny by studio killers. another song about pining after ur best friend. can u tell i went THRU SOME STUFF in high school 

ok aGAIN i know that halsey is also technically mainstream but i didnt wanna write a whole paragraph about her. listen to strangers feat. lauren jauregui. #unpopularopinion but her last album was just “ok” dont @ me

HEART ATTACK BY LOONA. do u like k pop??? do u like gay girls???? do u like cute music videos???? my friend do i have the song for u

mary lambert. she did the hook in that macklemore song. pls listen to her other stuff its so good n soft n  “i cant think straight / im so gay / sometimes i cry the whole day” #relataBLE

everyone knows who sam smith is right?? anyway prayers is good. his entire last album is honestly so good but hes not a particular fav of mine.

elton john. a LEGEND. he’s like 150 years old but im hoping the sheer love of the gay community will keep him alive for another 150 years

ANGEL HAZE. ive been a long time fan.  v emotional n the lyrics r heavy but honestly?? so important??? one of my fav rap artists

i know a place by muna. i listened to this on the way to pride n almost cried in front of my mom, my friends, and an entire BART station full of pride goers. its a v upbeat song, im just emotional 

zolita. uhh not a big fan tbh, just not my musical style

girls/girls/boys by p!atd. ok also not technically gay (?? maybe??? there are some Bi Rumors but thats not my place to say) but anyways def a bi anthem. dont watch the music video its very “lets have two girls kiss for views” which is like. not the msg of the song but whatever i aired my salt about that in 2013 n im not going back now

idk what kina grannis’s sexuality is (again, not my business) but she does a lot of good covers and never changes pronouns. i like sweater weather and shut up and dance with me a lot. 

oh !! ben j pierce !! 2 v good songs about how gender roles r bullshit n heteronormativity is awful. hes also like my exact age n i luv his makeup tutorials. 

there are honestly so many more. also a lot im forgetting. im so sorry you had to read thru this long incoherent post w my awful typing 

anyway if u want my full gay playlist on spotify just msg me off anon and ill give u a link (this goes for anyone btw !!) im currently adding + taking things out n its a constant work in progress but u know, its at least not the same 8 songs over and over again (no shade at 8tracks tho….ha …) 

[hakuteeth]

An Answer to why Queer Women love Harry Styles

A response to this article

I first heard about Harry Styles in 2012. My sister was obsessed with One Direction’s tour diary videos and she was trying to show me one of their videos. We then stumbled upon “What Makes You Beautiful,” the video for the first single and it was love at first sight, for my sister anyways. I wouldn’t immerse myself in the fandom until two years later when my obsession with Glee had ended. My first impression of Harry was uneventful, I thought he was cute but at the time I never thought anything of it. Just another boyband in the world of pop. I was more concerned with anime and learning how to drive.

I have tickets to see Harry next year, bought almost a year in advance. I have his album on CD and vinyl (gifted to me by an extremely kind person in the fandom). I have his Another Man cover (another gift), his rolling stone cover, and I plan on buying more merch. Does that matter? I mean in the world of media based journalism of course it does. People are interested in Harry, but the think pieces on his rabid fans are ever the more fascinating. Why are we so obsessed? They wonder.

Even though I first heard Harry’s name in 2012, I wasn’t an official fan of him until 2015. That’s when he picked up the first pride flag. Harry wasn’t my favorite member, he usually ranked second when I listed them, but to me in that moment nothing else mattered. I had to run to my room to cry on my bed. I should probably say that 2015 was the same year I realized I liked girls and that itself was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. To be a fan of someone and then have them validate you in probably one of the most crucial points in a gay person’s life (not the coming out but the realization they are gay). It’s monumental and it hits you like fucking bricks.

I asked for people to send me messages on Tumblr about reasons they love Harry, Kiwitat said “man i love harry cause i know he'd love me back, not in spite of the fact im gay but fuckin because im gay!! bc its such an important part of who i am!!”

Xavierharry said: “i love harry for so many reasons, first because he is so shamelessly himself and doesn't try to change himself to appease anyone. i love him because in this cesspool of an entertainment industry, there's someone who is kind and caring and willing to learn & grow. i love him because he started his first solo tour and the opening act was made up exclusively of queer women, and people have the gall to wonder why we love him. when he waves the gay, bi, trans & pan flag, i feel happy & safe & on top”

Acheappackofcigarettes wrote: I’m queer and I love harry because he has always so consistently supported me and my community with zero hesitation even when his band mates made some Not so nice remarks!

Anonymous wrote: “ok trying to make sense of my thoughts here but I love harry bc I feel validated by him, I almost see him as my friend and I know that he'd always be supportive. I love him because he's genuine, he tells everyone to be kind and he is genuinely kind to everyone which is quite rare these days if we're being honest. he doesn't seem fake or fabricated, he's just a really nice person. I love him because he makes me want to be the best version of myself that I can be.”

I have so many friends with similar stories.

See, when you try to paint queer women as rabid fangirls who are fucking weirdos, you tend to miss the rest of us. Not just people who identify as queer, but the lesbians, the bisexual women, the pansexual women, every woman in between. Some of us like harry fanfiction, some of us find it fucking weird. We all want to wear his suits, but that’s only number 8 on the reasons we love Harry Styles list. Trying to delve deep into the psyche of the Gays Obssessed with Harry Support Group you missed who we are at our core.

I’m 21 and every time I see Harry holding a pride flag it’s a symbol of empowerment. I’m 21 and I know Harry Styles would fist fight my internalized homophobia in a wendy’s parking lot no questions asked. I’m 21 and I thought about killing myself cause I didn’t want to be gay. But there’s something about wanting to live cause you don’t want to disappoint somebody who says that you matter. I found friends who care about me and know who I am. I’m 21 still not out but still here.

Harry Styles doesn’t use labels, sometimes neither do we. By painting him as a queerbaiting straight artist out for our money is frustrating to say the least. Harry is private, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. In Harry’s world, it’s never been about him but always about us. Earlier this year, he named Muna as his opening act on his first solo tour. Muna, an all woman queer band. They have since stated how Harry strives to be inclusive at his shows, to create a safe space for LGBT+ women. Harry Styles has continued to advocate for the community, through social media and monetary means. He keeps it androgynous, ambiguous, but I never felt dragged along for the ride. It’s almost as if I took this journey with him. On his tour, he’s only missed one pride flag. On twitter in his likes you’ll find a picture of two lesbian fans kissing holding the same pride flag he held.

I’m sorry if you can’t see who he is. If it’s difficult for people to comprehend why the dykes, the queers, the gays love Harry Styles. Maybe it’s the fanfiction, the fact that we want to be him, sleep with him, or maybe it’s more than that.

Maybe it’s the fact that for some of us, or most of us, by just being himself, telling us to treat each other with kindness, taking a pride flag, can experience so much love. By doing such simple actions he make a room full of people experience love in its purest form.

[zeetheus]

So, here’s a recap of the entire situation

From start to finish.

Because, believe me, I had no idea my ban would lead to 2 other completely innocent people getting banned for, essentially, asking staff what happened, and then expressing the desire to talk to them about it.

Not exaggerating.

On May 5th 2017, my Extremely Straight mom was being pushy, asking me about my OCs. For those unaware, the OCs in question are:

A nonwhite nonbinary aromantic bisexual with ASPD

A nonwhite asexual whose romantic orientation is a hashtag Mess, who has depression, anxiety, OCD, and is autistic

The above OCs are in a queerplatonic relationship

(This is important, I promise)

So after escaping to my laptop, I go on Quixol to try and decompress, and start off by expressing my general exhaustion and discomfort. A reasonable person who is part of the staff of a LGBT+ & ND safe server would, hopefully, take that as a disclaimer that I had been through Garbage, and had no energy.

So after having to literally physically escape an uncomfortable discussion with my mom, and after literally telling chat about the situation, I’m directly concern-trolled for calling my queerplatonic OCs, ‘queer’?

Once?

When there’s a perfectly serviceable blacklist on this very server?

(Minor note: I’m aware that Blake’s pronouns are it/its, however, I had typoed ‘pals’ into ‘pal’ & I apologize for that small misunderstanding)

So anyways, that sucked, and dealing with everything that happened that afternoon had destroyed my energy for a week. Clearly staff had made their stance clear, even if I didn’t agree with it.

I decided not to use ‘queer’ on that server, or at the very least not towards anyone who 1) wasn’t queer, and 2) might give me shit for even saying that word, even if I’m not mislabeling anyone. Such as, the staff.

So, I don’t use it.

Flash forward to late November of 2017.

I’m on my twitter, tweeting tweets, which are mostly meant for me, because it’s my gotdamn twitter account. I tweet a lot of junk, RT a lot of fandom garbage, and sometimes, when something triggers me, I try to unpack my abuse.

I’d like to make it clear right now that I never listed my twitter under my Bio (or at the very least, had never intended to. I don’t remember whether or not I put it there, and if I did, my mistake) and have only given my twitter url out once. The only connection my twitter had to Quixol was by following the Quixol twitter.

Over the course of a few weeks I tweeted out some ~*spicy*~ Opinions, which, you’re free to disagree with me about, especially since it’s fucking twitter, which has a character limit, so a lot of my word choice had to be downsized to fit in a fuckin 280 character text box.

On top of that I’m not even a Public LGBTQ+ Wank Persona, so I had no incentive to hash things out step-by-step to my... 10 followers. By all accounts, my tweets are, by their very nature, inconsequential to anyone except my followers.

(My account was not locked at the time, but I understandably later did so)

Anyways, in order:

This one was pretty clearly about Quixol, but I should probably state for the record that I had no idea ‘queer’ in MANY DIFFERENT ITERATIONS had been exhaustively banned from signs, so I had no idea it wasn’t physically possible to properly spell out ‘genderqueer’ without censoring it in some fashion.

Anyways, continuing with my ~*spicy opinions*~

I mentioned before how I was essentially abused by people I trusted for not being acceptably gay. I don’t know how ‘I’m not gay and I don’t need to be, I’m happy with being aro ace’ is a statement so vile that gay people everywhere take immense offense to it, to the point where staff finds it a bannable offense...

By the way, yes, I did get banned for these.

Because days after I was banned, staff approached Vin about my banning, of their own volition.

At the end of the day, Vin had planned to write out an essay, so that they could have a reasonable discussion with staff.

I wasn’t too Thrilled at the prospect of trying to have a discussion with people who intentionally villainized me, took my words out of context, and made the worst possible interpretations out of them, but I supported Vin’s idea.

However, she was in the middle of college finals, and preparing for chanukkah, so she couldn’t get right back around to it for another week.

Note that at this point Vin had not been contacted by staff due to her own behavior, past actions, without even a mention of her tumblr or its content.

THIS IS EXTREMELY CRUCIAL INFORMATION.

IF THEY HAD REASON TO BAN VIN FOR ANYTHING, WHY DID THEY CONTACT VIN ABOUT MY BAN FIRST?

But anyways, let’s cut to 8 days later, because I certainly couldn’t log into Quixol and subsequently do anything.

And in that time, neither could Vin.

I wasn’t surprised at this point. Staff had made it plain and clear to me that if they had a mild enough reason to ban you, they’ll find whatever evidence they need in order to finalize it.

FOUR POSTS, YALL. FOUR POSTS AND SHE GOES FROM ‘ONE OF THE MOST ACTIVE AND BELOVED COMMUNITY MEMBERS’ TO ‘A BONA FIDE THREAT TO PEOPLE ON QUIXOL, WORTH BANNING.’

The four posts in question will be linked later, for now, continuing:

So... it’s not actually about protecting people on the server, it’s about... finding people that agree with your particular flavor of “LGBT+” politics?

R...really?

Where is the actual harm that Vin has done on the server to warrant being banned?

Shit, what about me? What tangible, material harm did my tweets, squirreled away on my own separate twitter, that no one follows me on, do to anyone on the server?

Anyways it doesn’t end here, because in this chain of bullshit, someone else went down trying to ask staff “why for the love of god did you ban Vin?”

Screenshots (Warning, it’s 65 pages long)

All four posts that Vin was banned over are included as well.

But if you’re interested in my personal highlight reel:

ah yes, a non-ace trans woman trying to silence anyone who casts doubt on her decisions to silence queer ace people for having experienced abuse similar to hers, because that’s not some top-tier oppression olympics ‘my pain outweighs yours’ b.s.

remember that time staff literally approached vin of their own volition with screenshots of my tweets at the ready, trying to grill vin about my tweets and whether or not she agreed with them?

where’d that go?

did they suddenly get tired of it after being confronted with other, perfectly average Quixol users, suddenly also questioning their decisions against their will?

funny how vin got to have a discussion about her posts. wonder why they didn’t ever contact me except to ban me

so one of the posts was barely incriminating, but the staff decided to use it against her AS A PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST, and then decided to use it decisively against her after she didn’t give the reaction they wanted from her (again, they mention it as one of the 4 posts she was banned over)

THIS WOULD BE PERFECTLY REASONABLE IF THEY HADN’T BEEN LITERALLY SEARCHING THROUGH HER TUMBLR, DIGGING UP POSTS FROM UP TO TWO YEARS AGO

IT WOULD ALSO BE REASONABLE IF:

I HAD ACTUALLY PUT MY TWITTER URL IN MY BIO, WHICH I’M PRETTY SURE I DID NOT

I HADN’T BEEN BANNED NOT TWO WEEKS AGO FOR EXISTING ADJACENT TO QUIXOL, BARELY IF EVER MENTIONING IT ON TWITTER, NEVER LINKING IT FROM THE SERVER, WHO THE HELL WAS SEARCHING THROUGH MY TWITTER, AND WHY DIDN’T BEAN EVEN MENTION DEFENDING MY RIGHT TO HAVE A SEPARATE TWITTER THAT WAS NOT PUBLICLY LINKED TO QUIXOL!? WHAT!?!

glad to know the rest of the staff also goes full tilt on oppression olympics

still waiting on the part where vin actually said something transmisogynistic or otherwise materially harmful to someone on the server

oh no!! vivian just called a lesbian trans woman transmisogynistic!! clearly if this is the game staff wants to play that means they all needs to either agree to disagree, or realize that peoples’ experiences differ from theirs, and are not something to be weaponized in order to silence people that you disagree with!! what a world!!

tfw staff tokenize themselves before they even make the slightest movement towards ‘people have different experiences besides the ones i have/know about, but we are all here and we should work together and support each other’

are they even really a real LGBT+ server

very clear, very clear distinction here... somewhere? weren’t they just saying that they’re not the same things? so they overlap but are different? uh... and...???

i don’t have a word for ‘white trans women that try to weaponize the transmisogyny that overwhelmingly nonwhite twoc experience in order to silence anyone who questions her ~*authority*~ despite the fact that there is no universal ‘trans woman experience’ that anyone can hold her as an authority AS’...

this is literally the kind of weaponized-suffering authoritarianism people talk about when they deconstruct neoliberalism and ‘oppression olympics’ and the staff all seem to be very involved in it

gee whiz, im no longer wondering why i, a queer aro ace, was banned

bean weaponizing his aceness as the staff’s ‘authority’ on ace matters, instead of, yanno, understanding that vin has had her own experiences, that are different, which leads her to take different stances

especially since bean himself admits he hasn’t faced any problems due to his aceness

lucky him, i guess

“this is the first time we’ve had to really make a ban based on evidence that was off quixol”

fuck you in particular

my tweets weren’t for you or anyone else on Quixol

you and the rest of the staff decided to ban me anyways

and now that you snatched vin in your chain-ban and you have a lot of people who are QUESTIONING YOUR DECISIONS you try and act sympathetic?

if people are reacting like this, and the evidence wasn’t even on the server, why even ban someone?

if you intend to heavily police Quixol users you should maybe fucking say so

that way no one’s suprised

i have intense paranoia issues and the entire fact that YALL WERE STALKING MY TWITTER hasn’t helped in the least

literally here are tweets i made in the same timeframe as my ~*banned tweets*~

like you claim to be protecting users, despite the fact that no one on the server was harmed

and you claim to be inclusive, despite the fact that you silence queer people at every turn

and you claim to be safe for ND people, while causing them anxiety and paranoia

literally what do you even stand for at this point

"we are all trans? we are all gay?”

yeah? and?

you still closet the hell out of queer people?

especially queer people with identities you don’t like?

queer people who literally use the word to describe their OCs in plural since they are neither gay nor trans?

you literally wouldn’t let me use the word ‘queer’ to describe my OCs?

hhhhhhhhhhhhh

oh no!!! queer people exist online

seriously is this an LGBT+ server or some kind of fundie christian camp

also, get a load of all of the 0 times vin and i have called anyone queer without their consent, seeing as the first and only time I used it, i got scolded by staff for it

funny story. as soon as I read this screen i knew why I was actually, really banned

way back up at the top of this post, when i had confronted Blake about the fact that I had just called my OCs ‘queer’

and was told ‘be careful, don’t use that word on people who don’t want it applied to them’

i had already been mislabeled as ‘gay’ numerous times on the server itself, which was triggering for me

after bringing up that particular grievance with staff, using almost the exact same wording as Fritjof, i decided to blacklist ‘gay’ so that i wouldn’t guilt gay people into hiding it from others, while protecting myself

very interesting that the staff doesn’t have the same attitude towards people being able to protect themselves from ‘queer’

it’s almost like the censoring of queer is not for the sake of protecting users... but instead...

Just so we make this clear, ‘queer’ which staff defines as being ‘gay and trans’ (but not queer itself for some reason?) is equivalent to:

triggering thing that must be blacklisted (that’s why the blacklist exists)

nsfw chats in global

literally how do yall say ‘queer means gay and trans’ and equate its use with ‘nsfw’

again... is this an LGBT+ server... or a conservative christian summer camp...

it feels almost... indistinguishable...

yes, that is the admin of an ND & LGBT+ server using the same ‘real world’ rhetoric that anti sj bigots and conservatives make

interestingly enough, it’s also common among bigots in the LGBT community, such as truscum, aphobes, and queerphobes, towards anyone with a ‘special snowflake’ identity that they don’t particularly like or are interested in including

but an ace man can never be acephobic right? he’s an authority on ace issues after all, and so all aces must have his same experiences

/s

pedophilia?? gee whiz i wonder what that post Vin reblogged about ‘people accusing others of pedophilia that weren’t actually pedophilia’ was about. surely it wasn’t about staff, right?

so, recap of bannable offenses here on Quixol Dot Corn:

Have a public twitter, where you tweet opinions that staff disagrees with

Be friends with the above person who was banned, and when you don’t say anything banworthy when they confront you, have a tumblr account with enough questionable posts for them to construct a banworthy offense

Once both of the above have been banned, ask staff about their decisions, and then try to reasonably discuss their ongoing queerphobia

So anyways, if you’re wondering where Zeetheus, Vin_Venture, and Fritjof42 went... that’s pretty much what happened!

Staff has zero intent on protecting their userbase, just policing the hell out of their opinions, to the point where off-Quixol content is considered a bannable offense, and if staff hasn’t made that clear to anyone, I hope this post does.

Queer people are not safe on Quixol

Unacceptably ace people are not safe on Quixol

The vast majority of people under the LGBT+ umbrella that don’t fit under ‘gay and trans’ are not safe on Quixol

People with anxiety, who have experienced stalking paranoia are not safe on Quixol