#because of that. but it definitely was the right decision. id be so miserable if i could only be a guy ever or if i only could be a girl

[rememberthelaughtermp3]

realising that the reason why identifying with only one gender and being perceived as being exclusively only one single gender makes me deeply uncomfortable and identifying as one and then the other and always longing to be the one im not was all probably because i have multiple genders that i identify with and forcing myself into one of them will never work out for me and ill always feel incomplete without both.

[mochegato]

If Love is Pain, Let’s Hurt Tonight

“Here's to the painful, miserable, pointless, painful experience that is love,” Marinette held up her shot glass waiting for Roy to join.  

Roy didn’t keep her waiting long.  He raised his glass to match hers, letting out a grunt of agreement before slamming back the drink.  He set the glass back down and studied her for a moment.  She didn’t seem sad anymore, which was good.  He didn’t want to have to console a sad Marinette, and honestly that guy wasn’t worth her tears.  Instead, she seemed resigned after her break up, more lonely than missing him.

Roy knew what had happened as soon as she showed up at his door with a bottle of liquor and a broken smile.  He let her in so she had a supportive place to get over it, better here with him than alone at a bar somewhere, but he wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t glad they finally broke up.  That asshole wasn’t good enough for her.  What the hell was a stock broker anyway?  Made up, bullshit job.  He never realized the gift he had in her.

Roy wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.  “You said painful twice.”

“I didn’t say it enough,” she looked at him pointedly and poured another shot for them both.  “Here's to crappy dates and worse relationships.”  She raised her glass again.  He nodded and matched her, raising his shot before drinking.

He filled their glasses again and raised his glass this time.  “Here’s to loveless loved ones that make you feel unworthy and unlovable.”

“Heyyyyyy,” she brightened at his participation and raised her glass in agreement and drank.  She filled their glasses again before raising hers.  “Here’s to looking for love in all the wrong places and not finding it where you want it.”

Roy eyed her wryly and raised his glass to drink. He knew all about not finding love where you wanted to find it.  He looked away from her to fill the glasses again, trying to remember if he had restocked his liquor supply recently because they were going through this bottle awfully quickly.  “Here’s to falling in love with villains,” he offered raising his glass.  He may have gotten Lian out of it, but that was the only good thing about that relationship.

He raised the drink to his lips but stopped, noticing that Marinette didn’t do the same.  He raised an eyebrow at her lack of participation.  She had an adorable pout as she contemplated her drink.  “I can’t drink.  I never dated a villain.”

“Villains and assholes,” he corrected, leaning toward her and holding his drink toward her conspiratorially.

Marinette immediately brightened and raised her glass, clinking it against his.  “That I’ve done.”  She downed the shot quickly and winced at the burn down her throat. “Almost exclusively lately.”

Roy poured another shot for her and turned on the television to hopefully distract her from getting too bad of a hangover tomorrow.  The move had questionable success.  The drinking slowed, but didn’t stop.  Instead the distraction seemed to give her more time to think.  Her previously jovial mood had become much more contemplative and quiet.  Finally, after a few more slow shots she over up at him, an introspective frown pulling the corners of her lips down.  “Is it me?”

Roy whipped his head back to her as though he hadn’t been studying her in his peripheral vision the entire time anyway. “What?”

“Is it me,” she repeated, staring at the coffee table. “Am I the problem?  Is that why I can’t find a good relationship?”  She gasped as a sudden realization hit her and turned to him.  “Am I a bad kisser?”

She looked at him desperately causing him to freeze.  He would give just about anything to be able to answer that question, but their relationship had never been like that, no matter how much he would like it to be. He turned away and focused on his drink instead.  “I wouldn’t know,” he muttered.

“Kiss me!” She sat up straight on the couch and turned so her entire body faced him, an excited look on her face.

“What?”

“Kiss me.  Tell me honestly if I’m a bad kisser.”  Roy stared at her, mouth hanging open for a few seconds. Marinette’s face slowly morphed from excited to horrified to sad.  “Never mind. You don’t want to do that.  That was a stupid id…”

Roy launched at her before she could finish the sentence, crashing his lips into hers.  If this was the only chance he was going to have to kiss her, he was going to make it worth it.  He worked his hand behind her head, pulling her close.  His other hand cupped her face as his lips slid against hers.  She whimpered into his lips and ran her tongue along his lower lip.  He gladly granted her access and moved his head to deepen the kiss.  She melted into him and wound her hands around his shoulders to pull him closer then moved them to cradle his face.

They finally pulled apart after a few minutes, gasping for breath.  When her breath had evened out she looked up at him questioningly.  “Well?” she quietly breathed out.  

He stared at her still too dazed to form words. He blinked a few times still trying to process her words.  “Huh?”

She backed away from him as far as the couch would allow and looked down sadly.  “Was it that bad?”

He blinked a few more times.  The words still weren’t registering.  That was one of, if not the best kiss he’d ever had and his heart still hadn’t returned to its regular rhythm.  He looked away as he remembered.  That’s right. This didn’t mean anything to her. It wasn’t about him.  She didn’t love him.  This was about helping her figure out how to keep someone she did love. He shook his head to try to focus on her question.  “It was…” he turned to his drink and filled it again.  “It’s not your kissing,” he reassured her bitterly.

Marinette sat back proudly and filled her glass for a celebratory drink.  “Thanks. You’re really good too.  I mean you didn’t say I was really good, but you are.”

He flushed red and kept his focus on the drink and the television.  This wasn’t about him.  This was about her, helping her get over her latest loser and ready to find the next one.

Marinette watched the television with him for another little while, her proud smile slowly morphing into a contemplative frown. “So it’s just me then.  My personality that drives them away.”

Roy sighed and cursed his luck to be the one she came to tonight.  Why did it have to be him?  Why did he have to be the one she came to so she could recover and get back out into the field and date yet another asshole who didn’t appreciate her?  “Maybe it’s just like you said.  You’re looking in the wrong places.”

“Where should I look instead?” she asked with such earnestness in her eyes it hurt him not to answer her.

“How about right fucking next to you,” he grumbled under his breath, not trying to be heard.

She looked on either side of her and frowned, her brow creasing in melancholy.  “It’s empty.” She looked up at him with glassy eyes. “You think I should be alone?”

“What?” he exclaimed.  That was most definitely not what he had meant.  How is that even what she got out of that?  “No!  No, I… I meant… never mind.”  He gave an exasperated sigh and took another drink.

She watched him for a few moments like she was contemplating him or his words.  She suddenly gasped again and shot forward, her eyes huge.  “What if I’m bad at sex?”  Roy stopped breathing and kept his eyes decidedly focused on the television.  He clamped his mouth shut to keep himself from repeating the refrain that kept running through his head.  Please ask my opinion.  Please ask my opinion.  Please ask my opinion.

Just as quickly as she shot forward, she slumped back against the cushions.  “No, most of my relationships never got that far.  That couldn’t be it.”

Roy huffed out an annoyed breath.  “Of fucking course we don’t need to test that one. Fucking annoying,” he muttered under his breath, taking another drink and quickly filling his glass for another.

“What?” she cocked her head to the side in confusion.

“I said you’re annoying,” Roy shot back without thinking, downing the other shot.

Marinette looked away and chuckled bitterly. “Well, that answers the personality question, I guess.”  She took another shot and leaned back against the couch to focus on the television. “Don’t annoying people deserve love too? I just want to fall in love and have them love me back.  Is that too much to ask?”

Roy winced at her tone.  He hadn’t meant to say she was annoying.  Not really.  He just needed something to say as cover for what he actually did say.  It was something he would say normally and she’d laugh, tell him to fuck off.  But now, she was not in the mood and he should have known that.  He watched her as she pretended to focus on the television, wanting desperately to be able to run his fingers over the creases in her brow to smooth them out, to ease her pain, make her smile.  “No,” he answered quietly, “it isn’t too much.  You deserve it.”

She looked over at him and quickly looked down shyly.  “Thank you. So do you.”

He scoffed and poured himself another drink. “We both know that’s not true.”

“Hey,” she reached out to stop his arm from lifting his drink to his lips.  “It absolutely is.  You deserve so much and you don’t even see it.”  She lowered her hand and shook her head.  “You’re an idiot.”

He let out a bitter laugh and downed the shot. “Thanks.  I know.”

“Because you don’t realize how amazing you are,” she continued.  “You’re creative and loyal and smart, God so smart, and brave and kind and hot and sweet and…”she stopped herself and suddenly backed away again, pouring herself another shot.  “I hate love.” She downed the shot, refusing to look in his direction.  “It only causes pain.”

He blinked at her a few times.  Had she meant that about him?  And why did she transition from talking about him to taking about love?  “Marinette?”

“Yes?”

She looked at him with her big, beautiful, blue eyes.  He could almost fool himself into believing he saw adoration in her eyes.  “How drunk are you?”

She scoffed at him this time.  “Not enough.  Still capable of rational, lucid decision making.  Clearly, need more liquor so I don’t have to think anymore, can’t remember anymore.”  

He watched her avoid his eyes, pretending like she was okay.  And she was pretending.  He was the world’s foremost expert on pretending.  He knew the signs.  “Mari, those people are idiots to not want to be with you, to not want to spend as much time as possible with you, for not realizing how incredible you are.”

“But… you said I was annoying,” she said quietly. She looked up at him with uncertainty and vulnerability radiating from her.  He couldn’t let that continue.

“Marinette,” he started, taking a deep breath to prepare himself for ruining their friendship.  He moved so he was kneeling on the floor in front of her.  “You are annoying.  Your smile is annoying because it’s so bright and blinding.  Your laugh is annoying because it's light and bright and makes the entire mood lighter.  Your huge heart is annoying because it puts you and your heart in danger ALL the time. Your eyes are annoying because they’re clear and kind and make the people seeing them feel hopeful.  Your lips are annoying because they’re plump and soft looking.  Your kiss is annoying because it was warm and mind-blowing.  It’s all annoying because it isn’t meant for me.  That’s what makes it annoying.”  He cradled her head in his hands and gently ran his thumbs over her cheeks.  He furrowed his brow and gave her a desperate look.  “Can we play pretend for tonight?  Pretend we love each other?  Make each other’s pain go away for a night.”

“I don’t want to pretend,” she whispered, moving closer to him until her breath was fanning out over his face.

He shook his head and angled his head to a better position.  “I don’t have to.”  His voice had turned husky and barely audible.

“Neither do I.”  She pushed the last few centimeters to close the gap between them and capture his lips with her own.

<><><><><> 

Roy moaned as the light hit his eyes.  Usually the light didn’t get him unless he’d slept into the late, late morning. He turned over, trying to find respite from the light.  He moved slowly so he wouldn’t wake up Marinette.  His eyes flew open and he shot up.  Marinette! That’s why he had slept late enough for the light to hit him.  He and Marinette had kept each other awake until the early morning.

He looked over to the other side of the bed to see how she felt now that the alcohol had worn off.  The bed was empty.  They’d fallen asleep with his arms around her and her nuzzling into his chest.  But Marinette was gone.  He groaned and collapsed back onto the bed.  He ran his hand over his face and into his hair. She left.  Shit he ruined everything.  She woke up, realized how much of a fuck up he is, and got the fuck out as quickly as she could.

He never should have let them sleep together last night, let alone repeatedly. She wasn’t in her right mind.  He hadn’t been either, but he should have waited and now he’d ruined their friendship.  He jumped at his phone when it started ringing.  Maybe she was calling.  That was perfect.  They could talk about this and figure out where they were, hopefully, if he begged and promised never to look at her again, they could get back to friends.

He almost threw the phone when he saw it was Jason.  “What do you want?” he demanded rougher than Jason deserved. But then again, he had almost definitely done something at some point to deserve it.

“Where are you?” Jason demanded back, rougher than Roy had been.

“In my apartment.  Where are you?” Roy asked petulantly.

“In the garage where you’re supposed to be, asshole,” Jason answered shortly.

Fuck! Roy looked at the clock.  It was after ten.  He was supposed to meet Jason to work on his bike.  He groaned.  This day just kept getting better and fucking better.  He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, leaning his elbows on his knees to cradle his head.  “Sorry.  I’m not making it today.”

“What the fuck, jackass?  What am I supposed to do about my bike?” Jason yelled.

Roy sighed and ran his hand over his face again.  Jason needed his bike for a job.  He didn’t have time to wait for Roy to get his act together.  “Sorry.  I… yeah, fine.  I’ll get there in a little bit.”

“Hurry the fuck up,” Jason growled at him.

“Yeah, okay,” Roy answered quietly.

The line went silent for a few moments.  Roy almost tossed his phone at the call ending but Jason finally spoke up again.  “What’s with you?”

“Nothing.  I’ll get there when I get there,” Roy promised already starting to get up.

“Bullshit.  You’re acting funny.  What happened?”

Roy fell back to sit on the edge of the bed again.  “I… I fucked up.”

“What’s fucking new?” Jason scoffed.

Roy shook his head and looked longingly at the wall.  If he was closer, he could hit his head into it a few times, really drive the pain home.  “I really fucked up this time.”

“Okay…” Jason prompted him.

“I slept with Marinette last night,” Roy groaned out.

“Fucking finally!” Jason cheered.  “Fine, you two… wait, what do you mean fucked up?  What did you do?”

“I told you I slept with her.  I… we were drunk.  I shouldn’t have slept with her.  Fuck. I ruined everything.  She’s going to hate me.”

“Pixie’s not going to hate you.  What did she say this morning?”

“She left before I woke up.”  He chuckled bitterly.  “She always was the smart one.  Got out as quickly as she could.”

“Okay, grab something to eat, take a shower, get here when you get here.  I’ve got to make a call.”  The line cut off quickly.

Roy pulled on some underwear and pajama bottoms and tucked his phone into the pocket.  He made his way to the kitchen to start coffee.  Today was definitely a multiple cups of coffee day.  He was going to need lots of coffee to deal with this day.  Maybe he could take a few extra thermoses of coffee with him to the garage.  He just got to the kitchen when his phone started ringing again.  His brow furrowed in confusion when he looked at his phone and realized his screen was still black.  He jumped back when he heard a groan from the couch.

“What do you want, Jay?” Marinette croaked out sleepily.  She sat up slowly, rubbing her hand over her face.  “Why do you want to know where…” she paused to let him speak.  Her eyes widened in surprise.  “How did you…”  She looked around her and squeaked when she saw Roy staring at her, frozen in uncertainty. She gave Roy a timid wave and an awkward smile.  “No I’m… I… uh… still here.  I just moved to the couch.”

She turned away quickly and hunched over her phone.  “I will,” she tried to whisper into the phone.  She sighed and rubbed her forehead.  “We both know you’re not going to kick my ass…” she sat straight up suddenly and glanced back at Roy for a second before turning away again.  “Yes, yes.  Fine.  I got it. Just stop threatening him,” she whisper shouted into the phone.  “I’ll tell him…” she paused again.  “I don’t know if there’s anything to congr…” she stopped when he cut her off.  “I’ll try not to.  Thanks, Jay.”  

She ended the call and took a deep breath before standing to face Roy.  “Hi,” she said shyly, waving at him again, slowly making her way around the couch to the same side as him.  “Jay said not to worry about the garage?”

“You’re still here,” he observed breathlessly, ignoring Jason’s message.

“I… You mentioned a while ago that Lian sometimes still crawls into bed with you in the mornings.  We hadn’t discussed what this,” she motioned between them, “meant and I didn’t want her to find me there if this wasn’t going anywhere.”  She looked away and hugged her arms around herself.  “Sorry, I should have left but I didn’t want to call someone to pick me up and have to talk about it with them and I wasn’t in any condition to make it home on my own and cabs in this town, you know, it’s hit or miss.”

“No, I’m glad you stayed.  I thought…” he paused, cutting himself off and felt his lips spread into a goofy smile. “You stayed.”

“I stayed,” she confirmed with a tentative smile.  Her eyes darted behind him and returned to him, her face becoming serious.  “I can go now though, before she wakes up.  I’m sober enough now.”

He shook his head as he walked over to her, stopping just in front of her close enough for him to reach over and touch her, but he restrained himself.  He wasn’t sure how she felt about last night and he didn’t want to presume.  “Lian isn’t here.  Remember? She was with Oliver and Dinah yesterday and I’m picking her up at dinner tonight.”

“Oh… right… that”s… yeah, you told me that.  Drunk me didn’t remember that,” she hit her hand on her head and gave him a sheepish smile.

He chuckled and started to reach out toward her but pulled his hand back just before it touched her as he realized what might be causing her resistance.  “Unless you were looking for an excuse to get away. We can pretend she’ll be coming out any second,” he offered quietly.

Marinette shook her head slowly, keeping her eyes on Roy.  “I’m not.  I just didn’t want to confuse or upset Lian.”

Roy chuckled and leaned against the back of the couch close to Marinette.  “Finding you in our apartment or even in my bed wouldn’t upset Lian.  She loves you.  She asks for you to stay over all the time.  The only thing that might upset her is that you’re sleeping in my bed and not having a sleepover with her.”

Marinette gave him a relieved smile and leaned against the couch too.  “I guess I can schedule some sleepovers with her. We can have some girl time.”

“And what about me?” Roy asked hopefully.

“Do you want me to have sleepovers with you too?” She asked uncertainly, like she was looking for confirmation that it was something he would be okay with, let alone want.  As though he would ever say no to her.  Like he was more worthy than her.  

He mentally scoffed at the very idea.  She was the prize.  She was the amazing one.  She always had been.  She was a goddess and he was just him.  A screw up who tried his hardest and still screwed up everything he touched.  He kept falling, kept failing and Marinette shined. She didn’t even have to work at it but she still did.  God, he loved her.  And she was staring at him like he was deserving and he really wanted to be.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her between his legs.  “God, please yes.”  She let out a shuddering, relieved breath and melted into his embrace, hugging him back tightly.  She pulled away just enough to look up at him with a loving smile.  He cupped her face with his hand and looked over her face studying it in awe until he bent down to kiss her slowly.  He pulled away too soon for Marinette’s liking.  “I just wanted to do that sober.”

“As good as you remember?” she asked with a hopeful smile.

“Better,” he smiled back at her and brushed her bangs away from her face, returning his hand to cup her jaw.  “I’ve wanted to do that since I met you.”

She laid her hand on top of his.  Her eyes shined up at him.  “I’ve been waiting for you to.”  She wound her other hand behind his neck and pulled him down to her lips, capturing them in a passionate, desperate kiss.  His arm tightened against her waist, pulling her closer and holding her flush against him with one hand.  His other hand ghosted over her neck and down her side and back up again, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake.  Her fingers moved to trace the lines of his muscles on his abdomen, chest, and arms.

She whined as he pulled away from her, but squeaked when he picked her up by her thighs to straddle him, walking them back toward the bedroom.  “Let’s start that sleepover now,” he whispered huskily against her lips.  She giggled and pulled herself up to kiss up his neck and nibble on his ear as he struggled to focus on making it to the bed without falling.

 Tags:

@boldlyanxious

[creacherkeeper]

Hi Luka! I wanted to ask what your experience as a social worker has been? I'm thinking of applying for a MSW but also feel like I'm in the middle of an existential crisis?? I am a confused mess but want to learn more about this field. If you have any advice I would love to hear! Thank you so much in advance!!

hello nonny!

so first off, exciting times??? existential crises are rarely fun when theyre happening but sometimes they can spur us into action and thats not anything to sniff at. i hope you are able to weather this one as best you can and get something from it in the end, no matter what that decision ends up being

secondly, i definitely came into social work a little sideways so my experience may not be exactly the same as many others. i work as a disability coach, who does end up handling many many things besides direct disability topics (from career coaching to education support to many pretty heavy therapy-leaning sessions) but i got the position im in now due to my extensive knowledge of neurodivergence, trauma-informed care, and my 7 years of autism advocacy experience for many state-level organizations. there was a very intensive 5 step interview process for my position, where my now-boss tested my knowledge, ability to think on my feet, gave me many scenarios and had me give game plans for treatment, and we discussed disability philosophies and schools of thought. then during my training period he made sure we were on the same page with the goals of the program and we had many more discussions on disability until he thought i was ready to start taking clients. we now meet every other week to discuss my clients and session notes and i can ask him any time for resources or advice, and i also create resources for my clients and for the organization to use

all that said ... i really love my job and feel that im very well suited for it. and i think that someone who was not well suited for it would be very quickly miserable, frustrated, and burnt out. doing social work is very much scratching an itch for me, and thats why it works. i love discussing disability, i love educating people, i love helping people, i love giving advice, im very patient, i have much practical knowledge from the batshit insane life that ive led thats given me a lot of experience with a lot of things, and on top of that im very social so getting to talk to multiple people every day actually makes me more happy and energetic. obviously i need breaks every once in a while, and there are for sure days where i feel sick or run down and dont enjoy it as much. but at the end of the day helping clients makes me feel better and i dont think thats bad-selfish to say because if it didnt i wouldnt last in this field long and its important im bringing my best self to my clients. there are definitely social workers out there who are not bringing their best selves and that can be detrimental to the people theyre supposed to be serving

i think both the scariest thing about social work but also the most rewarding and fulfilling is that you do genuinely have a hand in peoples lives. people do look to you to help and guide them, and thats a very big responsibility, but you can also make genuine change that way. small changes, mostly, on an individual level, but those are the changes i most like to make. sometimes i have a hard talk with a client and we really dig into whats going on with them and where some of their challenges are coming from, and then they come back the next week like "so i had a heart to heart with X, and we made X changes, and i think things are going to be better now" and youre just like. yeah. this is why im here and doing this. i like working with people and i like helping and i like solving problems, and sometimes you get to help people by solving problems and it just makes everything feel right. and i just know that if i wasnt doing this professionally id still be peddling my wares to all the little mutuals on the internet so like. might as well do it professionally too because with my personality im just not going to stop

social work jobs can definitely be very different, and there are a lot of specialties and places you can end up. even if you decide social work is right for you, you have to find a niche within that that works for you too. working in disability is my niche, but yours might be very different. if you want to talk to someone who went the MSW route and just landed her first post-licensure social work job, i definitely recommend talking to @agentcalliope who is amazing and wonderful and very friendly. she can definitely tell you more about the schooling side of things (not that i didnt hear all of it while it was happening ;) ) which might be some helpful info before you decide on a path

i hope that was helpful nonny! if you had any more specific questions feel free to stop back by. my dms are open for you as well <3

[aster-survives]

mm,,,, on desktop for once so this is going under a readmore; tw for abuse and boundary/consent violation because im discussing family stuff and also bugs bc yknow

i think, the thing is... i dont think that not moving in with my mom is a choice at this point. i clearly can not care for myself like i need to and i cant get rid of the bedbugs on my own. and i think maybe we could make it work, because theres actually a little space for me now in the garage and if my mom puts a kidproof door handle on there i will have my own little space, and i wont have to keep going between my house and my moms all the time, and id be saving like $700 per month... the extra money could be used towards getting an airbnb when i need a breather instead of escaping to my bedbug infested house and just being miserable there.

but im scared. my mom and sunny both constantly push boundaries. they dont respect my need for space. they arent understanding of my limitations and i definitely have complex ptsd from my mom abusing me historically. but idk what other option i have? i cant afford to get another place of my own right now. i cant maintain it. im really struggling and i just

i dont know whats worse: being in an abusive situation, or being eaten alive by bedbugs 24/7 to the point of where i just hallucinate them crawling on my body whenever im at home. it really sucks. and more unstable me would be saying “well i could always just kms” but that isnt what current me wants. i just want to feel safe for once, thats all. idk. i cant make decisions. ive been going back and forth on this for like a fucking year lmao.

[unloveable-unreachable]

You’re the One My Heart Wants- Chapter 4

Word Count: 2,697 (a short one, sorry)

Warnings: This chapter has sensitive topics being addressed. It addresses someone coming out, and I’m not trying to say everyone’s coming out story is the same but they all aren’t always pretty. If that can be triggering for you, please don’t read this chapter. & Swearing

Author: Me

Y/N POV

“How ya doing, Kel?” I ask through a goofy smile. Kelley Facetimed me whenever their plane landed, and I didn’t realize it till she called me, but I needed to hear her voice and see her goofy smile after my conversation with Ali. “I’m doing swell, my friend. You know me, a little drinking doesn’t stop Frat Daddy Kel,” Kelley said confidently as I laugh at her response. “A little drinking? Are you sure we were at the same bars and same house last night?” I give her a knowing look. I know for a fact that she drank more than me and Alex combined, and yet I’m the one having trouble piecing together the end of the night. Kelley rolls her eyes and smirks at me, “That was ‘a little drinking’ for me, you’ve never been at my level before. You may try but you’ll always fail, Biggie Smalls.” I smile at the mention of my nickname. “How was Alex when you guys woke up? I figure she slept with you because it was just me and Luna downstairs when I woke up.” I sort of freeze at the mention of Alex but manage to recover before Kelley noticed. “She was asleep whenever I left with Ali, and then she was gone when I got home. I assume she’s okay,” I tell her. Before Kelley can answer, our conversation is cut off by Christen and Becky. “Hi Y/N! Can’t wait to see you in a few days for World Cup Training!” they both yell into the phone. I share in my teammate’s excitement while trying to think of something other than Alex for once, but of course, I fail miserably. I can hear Kelley yell “I love you, Y/N!” through all the commotion going on through my phone speaker, then the screen goes black.

After I get off the phone with Kelley, I figure I should send Alex a text:

“Hey, I got your note. Yeah, we can talk. Just let me know when and where and I’ll be there.”

After I send the text, I just fall back on to my bed. I go over the whole night in my head again, this was probably the hundredth time I’d done it since I got home from the hike: My house, Uber, drinks, Kelley’s horrible stories, more drinks, Uber, my house again, singing, dancing, even more drinks, my room, shower, Alex sleeps in my bed...That last part is what I’m trying to piece together, but it’s hard to piece it together when my brain only gives me some of the information. I rest my head in my hands, rubbing my temples trying to remember. Could it have been that bad? Did I do something wrong? Ugh. Brain, please fucking work...

I look up at Alex, and I can’t move. Like I physically can’t move, because I know how close our lips are and any movement would cause a possible mistake. We stay like that for what seems like hours, just staring at each other trying to figure out what to do next. Alex breaks the trance we’re both stuck in, by gently placing her hand on my cheek. My breath gets caught in my throat while I wait to see what happens next. Alex, through all of this, seems calm. Calmer than she was earlier, and she was definitely relaxed being propped up on me. I wasn’t ready for the next part. “Can I kiss you?” Alex asks softly.

I’m startled out of my thoughts when my phone starts ringing. I sit up and look down at the caller ID, which causes me to groan loudly. “Hi, mom,” I say, hiding my discomfort. I can only imagine what she’s calling me about this time. Probably to see if I’m taking care of my house, rather than actually asking how I’m doing. Or how soccer was going. She never cared to ask, never has and probably never will. “Hi, sweetie,” she says with a fake upbeat tone “I was just calling to remind you that we set up that date for you and that sweet boy, James, for tomorrow.” I roll my eyes at the sound of joy coming from the other end of the call. “I really can’t mom. I have training all day tomorrow and I have dinner with Ali and Ashlyn tomorrow night,” I say, hearing her annoyance with the last part. She didn’t like how much time I spent with them, but I didn’t care. “And I already told you, I don’t want to date anyone right now. Soccer is too important for me at this point and time,” I tell her, not hiding the unapologetic tone in my voice. There’s a long pause as I wait for my mom to answer, long enough for me to hear Ali and Ash walk in my front door.

As I continued to wait for my mother’s horrible response, no doubt, they both come in my room and sit on the bed with me. They both have confused looks on their faces, trying to figure out who I was on the phone with. I motion for them both to stay quiet as I put my mom on speakerphone. “Now what I don’t understand is why you care about that damn sport so much more than finding a husband,” my mom starts. Ali’s eyes widen after hearing my mother’s voice for the first time, and at what she said. I just adjust myself on the bed preparing myself for what’s to come from the storm that was my mother. “Both of your sisters are happily married to great men and have children of their own. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want a husband who can support and provide for you, along with giving you children of your own?” she spits out at me in a hateful, hurtful tone. Ash is the one who’s getting pissed off now. I can see it in her face. She was about to go off on my mother, but Ali keeps her quiet.

I sit there a moment staring at my phone, collecting my thoughts. I then look up at my friends, my moms, trying to figure out what they were thinking. Ash looked at me with a stone-cold face, probably from all the anger building up inside her. I learned that face from her a few years ago, and whenever I make that face around Ali she tells me I remind her of Ash which only makes me smile. Ali looked like she was lost in her thoughts, probably piecing everything together like me. She always had a view on things that others didn’t, because she always thought things through before speaking. I learned that from her during the Olympics. I used to lash out without thinking things through first and she called me out on it and told me I needed to slow down and think, then she told me how she always thought things through before saying anything. I admired her for that, so I learned how to control my thoughts before speaking because I wanted to be like her. The more I think about it the more I realize I am their kid, I’m a product of all their best qualities. This was my family.

I think everything through, knowing what could happen after I make my decision, but I still hope for the best. I let out a low sigh preparing myself for what’s to come. “ I don’t want a husband,” I finally say. Ali looks up at me, knowing what I’m about to do. “What do you mean you don’t want a husband?!” my mom yells, causing all three of us to flinch. “I mean I don’t want a husband. I don’t want anything to do with men, and I never have. That’s my decision, and that’s been my decision since I was 13 years old. No one, including you, will change my mind about that,” I state. I’ll be honest here and say I was slightly fearful of her response. Ali grabs my hand, comforting me, and Ash just stares at the two of us waiting for my mom to answer. The silence became deafening after a few minutes, causing me to feel slightly uncomfortable. “So, what you’re telling me is that you’re gay? Is that right?” she asks calmly to my surprise, but with a hint of disappointment in her tone. A tone I had been way too familiar with. I started crying silently as Ali pulled me close, rubbing small circles on my back. “Yes, mom. That’s what I’m telling you. I’m gay,” I finally manage to get out between sobs. All we hear next is the phone hang up. I stare at it for a moment, and at this point and time, it felt like everything around me had stopped. I grab the phone and try calling back, but the phone wouldn’t ring no matter how many times I try. “Oh god…” I whisper before falling back into Ali’s arms.

I start crying harder, knowing that I’m now disowned by my uneducated family at the age of 24, almost 25. How dumb is it for me to feel this way after everything they put me through like it could’ve been worse. They could’ve found out years ago and left me then, and then where would I be? Ali is still comforting me when Ash moves to my other side to give me a bear hug like she always does. I’m stuck in a Krashlyn sandwich, which I would normally get so much shit for from everyone else, but in this very moment, I’m extremely thankful for them. Ash is the one who breaks the hug and the silence, “You don’t need them, and they sure as fuck don’t deserve someone as great as you in their family.” When I look up at her, I see that she’s crying pretty hard. I turn to Ali and see the same from her. They were such badass people on and off the pitch, but no one gets to see them like this that often. They’re the most caring people I’ve ever had the pleasure to be around, and they’d kick anyone’s ass for someone they care about (especially Ash). I’ll never be able to thank them enough for what they do for me, but I’ll sure as fuck try my best. “No matter what happens Y/N, Ash and I love you so much. Nothing will ever change that,” Ali says between sniffles. “Yeah Y/N, Ali’s right. We’re your family. We’re not going anywhere anytime soon. We love you, kiddo,” Ash says as she hugs both of us. I laugh and say, “Thank you guys so much. You don’t understand how much that means to me. I know you hate it when I call you two ‘mom’, but I look up to you both so much. I’m thankful that I have you both, and Logan and Uncle Kyle, as my family.” That makes Ali start crying more, holding me tighter. Ash smiles the biggest smile I’ve ever received from her.

After the family meltdown and another heart-to-heart, (damn two in one day??) Ali says she’s taking us all out to eat. It doesn’t take much convincing for Ash, who bolts to the car before I can get off the bed. Ali laughs as she hooks our arms together while we walk downstairs. When we get outside, Ash is already blaring music and yelling at us to come on. After eating we end up at one of the bars me, Kelley and Alex were at last night. Another thing I ‘get’ from Ash is having a good time while drinking. We could go all night without ever getting tired. It’s one of the things that Ali hates that I gained from Ash, she never drinks when we’re all together because she knows she’ll have her hands full. All the drinks and Ash’s singing brings me back to the night before.

Alex is still hovering over me, waiting for an answer. “Yes,” I say quietly after a long pause. I can feel her move closer, and she moves her other hand to my chin. My mind is racing and my heart is pounding waiting for her next move. She leans in, our lips touch softly for a moment before she pulls away. I lay there a moment taking in everything, trying to slow my breathing. She kisses me again, this time with more passion. My hands move to her hips as she climbs on top of me. The kissing continues for a while longer before Alex lifts my chin. She takes her chance to kiss my neck. She spreads small soft kisses all over my neck, causing me to let out a small moan. I can feel her smile against my neck as she continues. She pulls away after a few minutes and softly kissed my lips one last time. “Goodnight, Y/N,” Alex says, smiling from ear to ear no doubt. She then goes back to cuddling me, falling asleep almost instantly. I lay in disbelief of what just happened. Alex Morgan just kissed me, she kissed me a lot actually. Holy Fuck. I can’t have a crush on her since she’s drunk and probably won’t remember any of this, but honestly, I can’t help it. She’s a Goddess and she just made out with me. I have a crush on Alex Morgan. I’m so fucked.

“Y/N! Come on, we’re going home!” Ali shouts to me from across the bar. I guess I didn’t notice them getting up from the table. I get up and rush to catch up with them so they don’t leave me. The car ride to my house was extremely eventful. Ash was recording me and her for her Instagram story, no doubt, without Ali because she wasn’t participating in our fun. She records me singing some songs and playing my little air guitar. The car was filled with laughter, mostly from me and Ash and Ali groaning at us with a smile on her face. I took a second to think about my day. My family dropping me like I was nothing. Ali and Ash telling me I was a part of their family and that I always will be. I loved these goofs with my whole heart. I don’t know what I would do without them and their constant support, to be completely honest. I smile at them while they tell each other how much they loved each other. I wanted that kind of love someday, my moms looked so happy and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. “Hey, Y/N,” Ash slurs to me, causing me to be pulled out of my thoughts. “Yeah, mom?” I answer. “I love you, kiddo. Don’t you forget that,” she says with the biggest grin on her face. I notice her recording our whole conversation, and I let out a laugh. “I love you too, mom. I always will,” I say with a soft smile on my face.

When we pull up to my house, Ash begs me to stay with them tonight and Ali tells her that I can’t tonight but I would soon. This just causes Ash to frown with the biggest puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen her make. I laugh as I hop out of the car and walk over to her side of the car. “I promise I’ll come stay soon, okay mom?” I say to her causing her to give me a small smile. I give her a quick peck on the cheek and tell them goodbye and that I’d see Ali in the morning for training. I guess I was so caught up in that, or too drunk, to notice the car in my driveway. Or Ali just failed to mention it since she was dealing with drunk Ashlyn. When I turned to my front door, it was her blue eyes that stopped me in my tracks. She was sitting on my front steps, and she looked like she had been crying.

“Hey,” Alex says with sadness clear in her voice.

To Be Continued

[wolffupdates]

Alex Wolff on 'Castle in the Ground,' Producing a Movie with Nicolas Cage and His 'Jumanji' Future

The actor also reveals the text his friend Cage sent him about playing Joe Exotic.

[This story contains spoilers for Castle in the Ground.]

At 22, Alex Wolff has already had a full 16-year career in Hollywood. From his supernatural horror hit, Hereditary, to his expanding role in the Jumanji franchise, Wolff has even written and directed his own film, The Cat and the Moon. Wolff’s latest role as Henry in Castle in the Ground checks another box that is consistent with most acclaimed actors as his grieving, opioid-addicted character required dramatic weight loss. Since he was already quite lean, losing 30 pounds took its toll on the New York native.

“I only had a couple weeks before I started shooting. I know that [my diet] just didn’t turn out very well, and it turned out to be super unhealthy at the end of it,” Wolff tells The Hollywood Reporter. “I had a lot of problems, but I’ve now found out since then that there’s some totally better, more healthy ways that you can do it. And a can of tuna and an apple is not that.”

At the end of 2019, Wolff wrapped production on Michael Sarnoski’s Pig, and the experience went so well that he’s already collaborating with one of his co-stars on another project. That co-star happens to be one Nicolas Cage.

“I have a movie that I’m going to direct that I wrote and I’m really, really excited about it. And without spoiling too much, Nic is actually producing it with me,” Wolff shares. “I’m going to be starring in it… But yeah, I’d say it’s a character drama with elements of thriller. It’s definitely a psychological drama.”

In a conversation with THR, Wolff discusses Castle in the Ground’s impact on him, his Jumanji future and the text exchange he had with Cage regarding Cage’s new role as Joe Exotic.

You lost 30 pounds for Castle in the Ground. Did you subscribe to Christian Bale’s Machinist diet of one apple and one can of tuna per day?

Oh God. Yeah, I’ve heard of that. I’ve heard of a lot of different diets. I mean, mine was really interesting because I only had a couple weeks before I started shooting. It was like two or two-and-a-half weeks. I know that mine just didn’t turn out very well, and it turned out to be super unhealthy at the end of it. I had a lot of problems, but I’ve now found out since then that there’s some totally better, more healthy ways that you can do it. And a can of tuna and an apple is not that. (Laughs.)

Does a character like Henry ever frighten you to the point of being more cautious in your own life?

Interesting. I think more than anything, it really made me have empathy for people who make bad decisions. More than make me not make bad decisions, it makes me have more empathy for the people who make these kinds of decisions with addiction and everything. I see them more humanly.

As Henry showed, one wrong choice can create a ripple effect that has complete control over you.

Yeah, it just seems like this kind of thing happens so quickly. That’s the scariest part of the whole thing. This can happen so quickly once you start dipping your toe in this pool of these drugs and this kind of lifestyle. You just get completely sucked in, swept up, chewed up and spit out.

When your characters go through a difficult experience and you have to play those feelings and emotions that come with the territory, has that ever prepared you, to some degree, for a similar experience in real life?

I think it’s more the opposite. I mean, there are certain eerie times when life imitates art, but it’s more that my life experience becomes applicable to certain movies and characters. I can do some transference, but I don’t really think that anything that I’ve done in a movie has prepared me for anything in life. What I’ve done in movies has been a collection of my own experience.

I loved the voicemail scene between you and Imogen (Poots). Did you guys rehearse that scene since the timing is so precise and comedic?

I love that scene. We didn’t do much rehearsal in this movie at all. It was pretty guerilla warfare. (Laughs.) We could just go for it. So, we may have run through it a few times, but really, the rehearsal was us just kind of figuring it out as it goes along.

At first, I thought Henry was angling for a romantic relationship with Imogen’s character, Ana, but then I quickly realized that he wanted to transfer the caregiving of his mother (Neve Campbell) onto someone else who was sick in her own way. Do you also think he was dependent on caring for a sick person, as opposed to some romantic fixation?

Maybe he had a crush or something, but I think it’s kind of deeper. He needed anything. He needed anything from her — whether it was romantic or to just be around her, I think he just needed somebody in his life to fill the void of his mom. I don’t think it’s as simple and as clean-cut as her replacing his mom, but I think it’s just that he needs something. He needs some family.

[This next question contains spoilers for Castle in the Ground’s ending.]

The movie ends on an ambiguous, full-circle moment, but given the unforgiving and relentless nature of the opioid crisis, I think history repeated itself in Henry’s mom’s bedroom. Was that your interpretation as well?

Well, I almost want to keep the end a secret for people who haven’t seen it. So, I kind of want that to be one of these big surprises. But I think you’re right. I mean, I’m thinking about it, but I think you’re right. He kind of gives into it eventually. I think he protests, but he lets her do it. I think it’s this moment where, yeah, it’s like history repeating itself. It’s like a prophecy or premonition that he’s going to end up doing it. I kind of want people going in, thinking that it’s going to go a different direction or thinking that it’s going to all come up daisies. You think it’s going to go that way, and then, I think it’s important that it’s like “nope.” It should end super hopeless and punishing because that’s how this actually ends. This is how these drugs usually end.

I loved how aggressively blunt Henry could be at times. He was pretty reserved for the most part, but he did not hold back when it came to Ana’s friends. For example, Tom Cullen’s character said to him, “You seem like a good kid,” and Henry responded, “Thanks, I kind of thought you were a piece of shit...”

(Laughs.) Yeah, I think it’s his only way of survival. I think he is shy, and I love that too. That was really a good element in the script, and I think we worked on beefing that up a little bit. He’s like a little boy, and I think little boys are like that sometimes. They put on a front of toughing it out, hence “I kind of thought you were a piece of shit...” But I think it’s also his way of giving and receiving love. I think it’s how he and Ana bond. I think it’s just his way of connecting.

Henry’s girlfriend, Rachel (Star Slade), had her own life while he was taking care of his mother. She was also going off to school soon. Was Henry’s decision to break up with her partially inspired by the fact that she didn’t need him as much as his mother or Ana did?

That’s interesting. That’s a really good question, but I didn’t see it that way. Maybe to a certain degree, but I would say that instead of her being more independent, I think it was about the fact that she was almost too good for him at a time when he couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t handle any kind of positive thing in his life. He wanted to be miserable. He wanted to follow the danger and follow his id, not what was healthy for him.

You started acting at six years old. Once you became old enough to make your own choices, did you ever sit down and assess whether you wanted to keep acting or not? Obviously, you made the right call, but sometimes, we hold on to things just because they’re all we’ve ever known.

I think about quitting acting every single day. I have a very love-hate relationship with it. The second I start a movie or when I’m not good in a scene, I’m like, “Fuck, I don’t want to do this anymore. This is hard.” You have to, in equal measure, be completely in love with it and need to do it. It feels like a need. It feels super deep and heartfelt.

Given the sad state of the world, have you done a screen test or chemistry read with another actor yet via Zoom?

Yeah, I’ve done a bunch of monologues and stuff with people, which has been really fun. I’ve been writing monologues and sending them to my friends, and I think that’s been really good. I’ve done some play readings on Zoom, but it’s not the same. It’s not great, but it’s okay. It’s better than nothing. The lag time is better than I actually expected, but it’s just still not perfect. It just isn’t.

You were an uncredited partygoer in Cory Finley’s Thoroughbreds, and you just had a supporting role in his latest film, Bad Education, which is excellent. Clearly, Cory felt guilty over the size of your Thoroughbreds part, right?

(Laughs.) He better have! He better feel guilty. No, I was shooting Patriots Day like an hour away from where they were shooting Thoroughbreds, and I knew the producer. So, I came just to hang out, and they just threw me in there, which was fun. But yeah, he’d better feel guilty for not giving me a bigger part. (Laughs.)

In Bad Education, I was quite fond of your outburst after Geraldine Viswanathan’s character pressures your character to publish her exposé, but he’s torn because of his recommendation letter from Hugh Jackman’s character.

That was kind of a fun day because Cory doesn’t usually have people improvising, but I kind of just went for it.

Jumanji: The Next Level left things in a very tantalizing place as the Jumanji game world has returned to the real world a la the original Robin Williams movie. Are you intrigued by the possibility of your real-life characters acting alongside the avatar characters for a change?

Oh my God, yeah. That better happen. That would be so amazing. I want that. Yeah, I think it would be full circle. To come back to the real world.

I think you just came up with the title.

Jumanji: Full Circle? Yeah, it better be that. Jumanji: Full Circle, I like that. The idea of all the kids, The Rock, Danny DeVito, Danny Glover and everybody else in the real world makes me so unbelievably excited.

Recently, your name was on a very exciting list of actors in connection with a new movie from one of my favorite filmmakers, M. Night Shyamalan. Can you say anything about this?

(Wolff imitates static noise.) We’re going through a tunnel actually. Sorry, I’m going through a tunnel right now. There’s a tunnel in my house. Can you hear that? (Laughs.)

You’ve heard this quite a bit, but Hereditary’s car accident scene is one of the most disturbing scenes I’ve ever seen. Oftentimes, when the cast and crew know they have to shoot something dark like that, they find ways to keep the set as light as possible. Was that the case that day?

No, actually. That was not the case. For me, sometimes if they’re trying to make it too light, it’s kind of distracting. So, I sometimes have to just stay in the zone. I kind of just was wearing my headphones and trying to stay in the spirit of it. I think it’s sometimes too hard to completely jump in and out.

Did that scene mess with your head for a little while after shooting it? No pun intended.

(Laughs.) I think it did mess with my head in the moment. I think the whole movie was kind of difficult. It kind of stuck with me. I think that scene in particular definitely stuck with me at least for a few days. But I think that movie was like a constant attention-taker. I think it haunted me for a while.

This is a shameless question, but have you texted your friend Nic Cage about his brand-new role as Joe Exotic [of Tiger King fame]?

Of course, I have. Of course, I have. I said, “Are you playing Joe Exotic?” and he texted me back (Wolff imitates Cage.) “You bet your ass I am.”

It’s perfect casting.

When I first saw it, I said the only person who could possibly play him in a fictional world is Nic. I just feel like that guy is so larger than life, and anybody else would not be able to go there. Nic is the only person who can go there, I think.

Are you itching to direct again?

Yeah, man. I have a movie that I’m going to direct that I wrote and I’m really, really excited about it. And without spoiling too much, Nic is actually producing it with me. Yeah, I’m really excited about it.

Can you reveal the genre yet?

I would say it’s a character drama, and I’m going to be starring in it. I’m really excited about it. But yeah, I’d say it’s a character drama with elements of thriller. It’s definitely a psychological drama.

***

Castle in the Ground is now available on Digital HD and VOD.

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

the bathroom

Peter “Penis” or doesn’t seem like he could be but unfortunately actually is “Spider-man” Parker was losing his shit hovering over the bathroom sink when MJ busts out from the cubicle that Peter didn’t even realize was there, and his - was previously just currently in his feelings - brain is left on buffer for an embarrassingly too long amount of time. He was just pretty all over the place today, okay? Give his brain a break.

MJ chuckles at the gears in Peters brain grinding themselves to death, leaving himself frozen in a dumb dumbfounded expression, and consequently tries to help him out.

MJ lets out a huff, “Don’t worry, Peter, you didn’t wind up in the girls’ bathroom by mistake or anything.”

Peters frozen dumb expression finally melts and he’s starting to finally think again. “Oh. Okay. Sooo then what are you doing here?” Peter asks still slightly confused.

MJ shouldn’t be given this much power in messing with a dorky awkward nerd. It just wasn’t fair. She was going to do it anyways. She couldn’t not.

“I’ve narrowed down who spider-man is and I’m trying to get evidence.”

MJ lets Peters impossibly cute fear shot eyes and panicked face simmer itself for a little bit before MJ inevitably lets him off the hook.

“Or, the more likely, and actual explanation that the school converted the second floors boys bathroom into a gender neutral bathroom which you didn’t notice, so you thought it was still a guys’ bathroom when it wasn’t just that anymore, which is probably why you’re so shocked. Id rib on your lack of observational skills but you just seem so miserable enough already.”

unexpectedly getting closer in the gender neutral bathroom

5 minutes ago...

Peter feels like he can't breathe. His chest feels tight, he can't think straight, he feels like he can barely stand. He seriously feels like he's near tears or at least going to explode, for fuck's sake.

It was already getting too late last night, May texted him dinner was in the fridge and she was going to bed already late.

And Peter seriously was going to go home then and there, but of course, a set of twin sisters just had to lose their cat in some dog park so there he was, late at night, perching himself from tree to tree trying to spot a cat that he’s going to have to keep for tonight since the twins had to go home which he then had to figure out when he was going to give it back tomorrow and how to deal with it once he does find it.

It was cleaning up this mess that led him to be late to an exam that he actually forgot he had today. He did okay enough, he guesses. He’s actually pretty terrified he’s going to fail it because he has no idea what he’s doing with his life but still, he’s forcing to keep himself chill about it, or at least, trying to.

Back to now...

“So are you okay, though? You seemed to be thinking ‘bout a lot when I first got out,” MJ asks, out of just her naturally her curiosity? sure; but it’s more like common classmate courtesy if she’s being frank. And it was most definitely not concern about someone she likes ppfttt that's ridiculous. She was just doing what anyone would do, that's all. Pfft.

“Uhm yeah, no, not really,” Peter contemplates for a bit whether he’s going to share his tale of woe or at least some spidey-free version of it, when he realizes he’s finally calm and reasonable enough to actually notice something for once.

Peter lets his curiosity get the best of him and asks a question when he hadn’t even really answered the one he was given, “I could ask the same about you though.”

Peter lets out a sympathetic smile and points to his eyes and then to MJs puffy red ones one would only normally get after crying, “You okay?”

This was probably karma in the scheme of things; MJ was annoyed at the immediateness of it though. Not mere 5 minutes from when MJ made Peter feel panicked and insecure, Peter was now, unintentionally but still, making her feel panicked and insecure.

MJ feels herself defensively wiping her eyes yet again and sneaks a peek at the mirror to see if it helped any. It didn’t. She mutters a very quiet “fuck” to herself in frustration.

MJ imagines a world where she’s finally actually ready to open up about something other than the facade she presents herself in. She imagines telling someone she cares about who cares about her, of her mother’s struggle, the struggle she only recently found out herself.

MJ grew up with happy memories of an imperfect but still overall truly content family where she felt that she had everything she ever needed. Her mother made sure of that. She had a loving mother and father, and a little sister, Gail, to look out for and as a best friend. MJ had everything she needed but, and she really hates herself for this, she always felt her mother tried too hard to keep the truth of the world away from her. MJ hated that gut feeling itching inside of her telling her there was something murky hidden in the depths, forgotten.

For the most part, she felt that her mother was truly sincere in her intentions of letting the past stay where it was; her mother must have had a reason for doing so and MJ wasn’t one to belittle her mother’s motivations, not when it could just end up hurting her. And yet, that yearning for the truth still lingered; it was just who MJ was, and she truly didn’t expect the answer she had gotten to her questions.

MJ didn’t know how to process the fact that her mother had gone through something that if were being honest, was normal in this effed-up society but it still didn’t mean it wasn’t so cruelly unfair.

MJs mother left her and Gail’s biological father when they were 2 years and one year old, respectively. At the very first sign of her biological father revealing his violent demons, her mother took her and Gail, left, and never turned back. Her mother quickly and decisively chose her daughters over her husband; she didn’t want them to get damaged in the backlash of the struggle her husband was going through.

MJ knew she wasn’t her biological father; she didn’t remember him. She didn’t even know him. She knew that he didn’t matter and that the alternate life they could have had didn’t as well. MJ grew up with Sam the hardworking and honestly, just so boring and vanilla freaking mailman, for a father; her step-one if you want to be specific, not that it mattered, since Sam was Dad to her in every single way that counted. They all loved each other, they argued over dumb things, out of the care they had in their hearts, and they were a family. She had a loving family she was lucky to have and that was the truth.

MJ didn’t think she could love her mother anymore, but knowing what she sacrificed and what she went through for her and Gail made her realize how lucky she truly was to have a mother as strong and brave as her in her life.

Even if she was happy to have found out the truth, her heart still ached for what her mother went through for them. She felt lucky to have the life and family that she has, confused about the life that she could have had. Overall, it was just one big twisted and piled up mess that she didn’t have a single clue how to process.

When MJ thinks of it, she doesn’t think she should be this upset to be silently crying in the school’s gender-neutral bathrooms cubicle. She didn’t even have any memories at all of her biological father, for crying out loud, she was TWO. All she knew was her, Gail, Sam, and her mom in their cramped Queens apartment, and taking summer road trips every now and then because Dad insisted so, and her practical but secretly softie Mom didn’t have the heart to say no for long even if it was hell to plan it all out.

MJ felt loved, she felt lucky, she felt like she very literally could have dodged a bullet, she felt happy, she felt pity as well as awe for her mother, and most of all, she felt she didn’t want to explain any of all of this to some guy she annoyingly might have the tiniest crush on.

“Like, seriously, what the hell was Peter freaking Parker even doing here?” MJ thought to herself. Here she was having her own private confusing toil of an emotional process and suddenly there he was, Peter freaking Parker with no clue whatsoever, who didn’t even know what bathroom he was walking into.

MJ imagines for the briefest and yet longest of seconds, actually talking about what she was going through to someone else, recalling all of it inside her head. And then, she clears her throat, puts her mind back to reality, and gets to work, “Okay, Parker, here’s what’s going to happen. Let’s just let the unspoken rule of not acknowledging emotional breakdowns happening in school bathrooms be in play with us today and pretend none of this ever happened. We cool?” MJ looks to Peter, awaiting his response, at which Peter could only grin and chuckle.

Peter thought it was so strange to have the faintest of hints of who MJ really was barely noticeable with MJs usual casually witty outside self so predominantly in display. It’s like, had Peter only seen MJ an hour later from her tearing up in the bathroom, he probably would have never suspected anything. A part of Peter is jealous MJ can keep her emotions so tightly lidded and can redirect the spotlight from her just like that with a snap of her fingers. Compared to him, who’s a mess, to say the least. So yeah, Peters kind of glad to have been given an out from having to lie about being spidey. She’ll go her way and he’ll go his. It was a clearer, direct, and more concise agreement than he could have come up with had he been in the state she was.

“Yeah. Sure, MJ. It’s no problem at all. Were cool. I know I haven’t exactly been the most open person either so thanks for being cool with it.”

“Pfft, please, Peter, it’s not like you're the only one with secrets,” MJ says while washing her hands then wiping them dry.

“And besides, we've all got the right to share whatever we want to share when we feel like it. We shouldn't have to be obligated to talk about our personal lives, unless of course if it might cause harm to ourselves or other people or something, but that's already a given. As long as it isn’t hurting anybody, we should be free to keep things to ourselves.”

Peter could only slightly grin and nod in agreement.

“Anyways, it's no big deal, like at all,” MJ thinks about the weight on her shoulders and the weight Peter had that brought him to the same place she went to. “Just, try not to pressure yourself too much about it.”

“Heh, yeah, thanks, I’ll try. I’ll try. But, uh, yeah, you too. Hope ya can deal with whatever it is you’re going through.”

“Thanks, Peter,” MJ says, getting ready to leave, with her hand on the bathroom doors handle.

Maybe it was the same damn voice that keeps running through on repeat in Peters head, Bens, like an ear worm, every time Peter puts on that suit or has to. Maybe it’s just the realization finally smacking Peter right on his face how he didn’t know a thing about this friend? classmate? team captain? that he’s been around with for years and knows things about him, yet he couldn’t say the same thing about himself with MJ. Or maybe this is just another step he’s taking on the journey to be less of the full-fledged avenger he deluded himself into thinking he was and more into the friendly neighborhood spidey and high school student he actually was. But no matter the reason, before he could stop himself and over think, Peter stammered out “And MJ?”

“Yeah?” MJ turns back and answers, just as she was about to leave.

“I hope we could talk about these things to each other someday,” Peter admits, with a tight-lipped smile at the end of it, hoping his inside self, losing his shit and doing somersaults, was just that, inside.

Peters last follow-up statement pierces MJs façade for what she thinks may be and truly hopes, was just the briefest of milliseconds. But what really pissed her off was that Peters lack of self-control must have been infectious because she couldn’t explain what drove her off to end their conversation with, “I hope that too, Peter.”

She even let out a smile, damn it, the smallest of ones that she hopes to the universe, Peter didn’t notice as she led her quick escape out the door.

He did.

“I’m not leaving until you come out, MJ,” Peter says, standing next to the same cubicle Peter saw MJ in the last time they were here together in this god forsaken gender-neutral bathroom.

“Peter, I’m fine. This is just my process, and I’m used to crying alone so you can just go and fetch cats off of trees or whatever it is your goody eight shoes alter-ego does.”

“Okay, first of all, I don’t just fetch cats off trees, okay? I also fetch birds, raccoons, and even a snake there one time ugh,” Peter shudders, remembering the freaky hipster incident. Worth it though, since he thinks he heard it making his girlfriend laugh. He could have easily made it up but the fact that it actually did happen, just makes it funnier in his iconically comedic yet still so earnestly humble opinion.

“Whatever happened to the unspoken rule of letting bathroom breakdowns not being acknowledged as they happen? Just let me invoke it again, Peter.”

“Hhmm, pretty sure that rule doesn’t apply to people that are dating, Em,” Peter cheekily argues as he squats down and leans next to the cubicle’s door.

MJ lets out a grumbly “Ughhh,” while smushing her face with both her open palms in annoyance. But, she can’t help the smile sneaking its way onto her face, out of disbelief.

Now, Peter is continuously knocking on said cubicle door with the shoulder leaning on it, as he insists on getting MJ to come out and talk it out with him instead.

“Come on, MJ. Okay you don’t have to come out, but at least let me stay here and keep you company or something.”

Peter was about to say something else, but he seriously hesitates saying it knowing for himself already how godforsaken cheesy it was, that if he thought it was cheesy, MJ would find it intolerable. Good thing she was already near a toilet, she can puke if she had to.

“I’m not going to be able to focus on being spidey if I know you’re crying somewhere,” Peter says in an almost singing like way.

MJ kicks the cubicle door where Peter was leaning without even thinking about it, and blurts out “You dumbass,” while laughing, unable to even look where Peter the dumbass she can't believe is her actual boyfriend was.

Peter chuckles at MJ reacting the way he thought she would, and stands up, “Alright, MJ, fine. But if a bicycle thief gets away once I’m in patrol, I’m telling the victim who’s to blame,” Peter goads to MJ as he takes a couple of steps away then walks in place, wanting her to think he was leaving.

MJ wipes her face one more time, sighs, and then gets one last eye roll out of the way seeing the shadow of her dumbass bf walking in place from inside the cubicle. MJ once again busts out from the now historical cubicle, quickly washing and wiping her hands dry immediately as she leaves it. All the while, Peters wearing a shit-eating grin on his face. And as MJ finishes, she grabs Peters hand, and leads him out of the second floors gender-neutral bathroom. MJ finally looks at him and his dumbass knowing smirk, and merely says “Don’t,” leading Peter to try his hardest at pressing his lips together and miserably - not even that mad at it - failing to keep his grin in check.

Peter and MJ leave the bathroom in silence, both glad that the someday they talked about at this very bathroom actually unexpectedly but pleasantly came true.

~~~~~

omggg this fic actually made me prettty nervous hahaha. it’s the first time i wrote a fic concerning the version of mj’s backstory in my head haha. and the emboldened heading italicized title after the initial start/summary is what i consider the actual title of this one but i didnt want to put it at the beginning cus i wanted it to be like a surprise. like if yalls knew peter was in the gender neutral bathroom, it wouldnt have hit as well? yall feels me? hahha

hope yalls liked it. i’ve well established by now that im the biggest fan of developing peter & mj’s relationship before ffh but i just liked i got to show the growth of their relationship, the before & after... yalls feel me? huhuhu :’‘‘>>>

[purplesurveys]

958

Who’s one person who changed how you viewed something? Gabie has left me a big life realization or two.

At what age do you feel like you grew up mentally/emotionally? Well I think at any age people don’t stop growing and learning, but at this point in my life I felt like I did a lot of growing up at 17 in particular. There were a lot of losses endured and big decisions that had to be made when I was that age.

Do you have any brothers? I have a brother. Singular.

Are you currently happy? No. It’s gonna take a while to get there again, if I ever do.

Who did you talk on the phone with last night? No one. Work was prrrrretty exhausting yesterday so I was passed out by 9 PM. Wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone either; I just wanted my bed.

Is anything bugging you right now? Ugh, yep.

Who is the last person you missed a call from? My mom. She always seems to call on the ultra rare occasions that I put my phone down, which almost never happens.

What annoys you most in a person? Probably those who come off as unapproachable and unpleasant right off the bat. I get people who can be quiet at first because I can be that way too, but there’s still a big difference between being shy and just plain unapproachable.

Have you changed this year? For sure. 2020 has been a big year so far in terms of life changes and I’ve been greatly affected by all of them.

What are you listening to right now? I can hear Rhett and Link trying weird kinds of fondue.

Are you talking to anyone tonight? I don’t think so. I prefer not to, though; I’m always so tired after work haha.

Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not at all. I feel relaxed going to the doctor because it means getting feedback on whatever condition or illness I’m having. I feel way more nervous for interviews or having to take calls HAHA 

Whose bed did you sleep in last that wasn’t yours? My parents’, back when I was sick a few months ago. They had to look after me because I had felt super faint for a few days.

Are you a really understanding person? Yeah, very. I don’t know if it’s overall a good thing or not because historically, being understanding has made it easier for some people walk all over me. I don’t regret it though. It feels nice to be nice.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Around 10. This work-from-home thing is pretty sweet; it’s a big relief no longer having to drive to the workplace and spend 4 hours in traffic everyday.

How many pillows do you like to sleep with? Two.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? Yeah once at midnight, another time at 3 AM. I fell back asleep easily though.

How are you feeling lately? Kinda annoyed at a miscommunication that someone else caused at work that led me to be wrongfully scolded; mostly relieved because I’ve done my tasks for now and I think I did a pretty good job. Also relieved because it’s lunch break which means I have time to take this survey.

How do you wear your hair most of the time? Down or in a lazy, low bun.

Think back to the end of last school year, who did you have feelings for? Gab.

In a relationship, do you think about the future, or now? I think of both. It’s not that hard.

Think back to the last person you kissed, did that person ever give you a piggy back ride? Yup, plenty. I’m half her weight so I’m easy to carry around.

Did you see your best friend today? I haven’t seen either in a while, no. Angela especially – I haven’t seen her since March.

Are you close to your father? Definitely closer to him than I am with my mom, but I wouldn’t call him a confidante or anything like that. He’s just more relatable and it’s easier to talk and open up to him. He also never scolds me, so there’s that.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? It’s definitely possible. I’m sure I disappointed my mom a few times back when I was in my angsty-teenager-going-through-puberty phase, lol.

Where did you go today? The farthest I’ve gone is the kitchen to get myself brunch and coffee.

Where are you located right now? I’m in my bedroom, working on the floor because I find it more comfortable for the meantime.

What’s between you and the last person you texted? I dunno. It’s weird at the moment. 

Could you go a month without talking to your best friend? I technically could, but it would be miserable.

What was the last piece of furniture you purchased? I didn’t purchase it myself, but my mom got me a new desk in my room.

Have you ever broken up with someone for a reason other than lack of feelings (ex. moving away, etc.)? Nope.

Has anyone ever told you that you are too picky when it comes to the people you date? What about not picky enough? Ugh, I’ve taken this survey before looooooool. I’m too far in it now though, so I guess I’ll just suck it up. I remember answering this by saying that as a demi I’m bound to be very picky, and that I’m alright with that.

When was the last time you went to a bar? Start of Feb, at Kiana’s friend’s boyfriend’s new bar. I feel bad for the dude for having his bar open mere weeks before a global pandemic blew up, but I’m glad to see that it’s still doing well with online orders and such.

What three things would you change about your life? I wish my internship would soon turn into a full-time position; I wish I was more stable and happier; I wish I had a few creative talents under my belt like cooking and knowing how to play at least one instrument.

Was there anything unusual or unique about your birth? I’m gonna retain my old answer and say that it’s my siblings who get to share weirder facts about their birth. My mom’s pregnancy with me went smoothly.

What has happened in the past week that is worth remembering in five years? Internship and other life things. September 2020 is a month to remember lol

How much of your day did you spend completely alone? For the last week or so I’ve been mostly alone since internship eats up my days. I show up to my family for dinner, but that’s about it.

What was the best conversation you’ve had recently? Angela giving me a pep talk the other day. I’ve been holed up by myself for the last few days, so it felt amazing to reach out to a friend.

What is the next book you are going to read? I’ll continue reading Midnight Sun, as slow as my progress is.

Describe the hardest decision you have ever made. I’m currently in the process of having to pick a big decision but I don’t feel like getting into it.

Why did you last see the doctor? I had a pesky fever that wasn’t going away and I was starting to get scared that it was either dengue or COVID altogether.

Post a recent picture of yourself. Eh, you’re not getting one today, survey.

How do you spend the majority of your free time? I like watching YouTube videos, doing surveys, reading articles, and playing with Cooper.

What do you want to accomplish tomorrow? Just hoping for more tasks to be handed to me so I can maximize my time in my internship.

List the cards in your wallet. Debit card, school ID, driver’s license, gas station card for perks, a couple of business cards, and a card listing down rights of media practitioners that was handed to us by the college’s student council a few years ago. As for the latter, that was when the political climate was a bit of a mess and when that happens, journalism practitioners and students are usually the main targets of the cops. We were given that card so we can protect ourselves just in case something shitty happened to any one of us.

What was the last thing to inspire you? The aforementioned pep talk given to me by Angela.

Who was the last person to do something nice for you? One of my superiors at work complimented me on the slides I worked on.

What was the lowest point of this year? The highest? Highest point would be pre-Covid days, which sucks because those were a lifetime ago. There has been a lot of low points.

Is there any artwork in the room you’re in? Yep.

What is your number one short-term goal? Long-term? Short-term is to do well in this internship, long-term is to work towards a career in a field that I’m into and happy in and let everything follow from there.

Are you dealing with anything difficult at the moment? Yes.

[corystssides]

Roommates, Part 7

Yes, it has been almost a year since I updated this. No, I do not have an excuse.

Words: 2971

Summary: It’s game night

Warnings: swearing, implied family troubles, brief impromptu coming out scene (roman), I think that’s it but lmk

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Logan didn’t show up to Chemistry. Virgil took it as a good sign. Hopefully, Logan was taking an extended afternoon nap and he would be peppy and cheerful for game night. Virgil made sure to take extra good notes today, because no doubt Logan would want to look at them later. He even made sure to put them back into his binder instead of shoving the pages haphazardly into his backpack to sort out later in the day. Then, to perk himself up a bit, to make sure he wasn’t a downer during game night, Virgil went to the little food shop in the university center and bought an energy drink. It had started raining outside, and while right now it was just a light drizzle, the darker clouds in the distance seemed to promise a downpour.

When Virgil got back only to see that Logan wasn’t there, he thought that was a little odd, but not something to worry about. He was probably hanging out with those friends he’d finally seemed to have made. The ones with the poor taste in music that he was talking about at lunch.

It was really only around dinner time that Virgil started getting concerned. Logan still wasn’t back, and it was getting closer and closer to game night. They’d all decided to skip dinner in favor of Patton’s tofu loaf, so the neighbors were coming over at 6:30. And it was pouring outside, so no doubt Logan would want to change before then.

Virgil decided to text Logan, in case he’d gone to the library and fallen asleep or something. No sooner had he sent the text though, than he heard the buzz-buzz of Logan’s phone, coming from Logan’s bed.

Great.

Virgil tried to not worry about it. Logan had probably just forgot it. He was angry after lunch and decided to take a walk and just forgot his phone. No biggie.

He definitely hadn’t decided that he’d had enough of Virgil and college and just decided to leave. That was ridiculous to consider. There’s no way that he’d decide to just hop on a plane back to Ohio and leave his phone so that he’d never even have to think about hearing from Virgil again. It was Logan, after all. He might have had a bit of a temper over the last few days and maybe he hung on to stupid things for a bit too long, but it still took him at least three business days to make a decision about anything.

Then again, their big fight had been Sunday. Three business days from that was Wednesday. Which was today.

But surely he wouldn’t flake out on his friends? The ones who invited him to the concert?

Unless that was a lie Logan had made up to have an excuse not to hang out with Virgil on Friday. Because he would be gone.

Virgil found himself knocking on the neighbors’ door at 6:25. “Have either of you seen Logan since lunchtime?” he asked.

“Wasn’t he in Chemistry with you?” Roman asked.

“No, he skipped. I haven’t seen him since lunch,” Virgil said.

“That’s when I last saw him,” Patton said, shrugging.

“I didn’t see him, but he was in the dorms talking to someone on the phone right before Chemistry,” Roman said. “He left right after he finished the call, so I thought he was just hoofing it to class so he wouldn’t be late. Have you called him?”

“He left his phone on the bed,” Virgil said.

“Ah,” Roman said.

“I’m sure he’ll turn up!” Patton said. “He wouldn’t want to miss game night!”

Virgil wasn’t so sure, but he let the other two guide him back to his room. They had Risk, Monopoly, and a deck of cards. Not wanting to start either board game without Logan, they decided to play Go Fish.

Roman was in the middle of totally winning Go Fish when Logan finally showed up, at 7:13 pm. He was soaking wet, dripping on the hardwood, shivering, and looking generally miserable. He didn’t say hello, opting instead to say, “Did you know that our school IDs work as free bus passes?”

“If you took the bus, why are you soaking wet?” Patton asked.

“I’m Jared, I’m 19, and I never learned how to read bus schedules,” Logan muttered, slipping off his shoes and walking over to his closet. “And I am going to put on dry clothes now because I’m freezing.”

“I can put this tofu loaf in the microwave for you, that should warm you up quicker,” Patton said.

“Thanks,” Logan said. “Sorry for being late, everyone.”

“What were you even doing all day, besides apparently skipping class?” Roman asked.

“First I walked downtown, then I walked uptown, and I made it to 71st street, which is basically out of town, and then I decided I didn’t want to walk back so I waited for a bus, and that took me to the mall, but I couldn’t figure out which bus I needed to take from there so I just walked back to campus.”

“Don’t you have a car? Why didn’t you just drive?” Virgil asked.

“I didn’t intend to walk that far,” Logan said. “Also even if I had, this town is basically impossible to navigate and I left my phone here, so I probably would have been lost and taken just as much time getting home anyway.”

“How do you not know how to read bus schedules?” Patton asked. “How did you get places as a child?”

“I live in rural Ohio,” Logan said. “The only buses out there are school buses, so all you have to know is your bus number.”

“How did you get places?” Patton asked, now even more bewildered.

“For the most part, I didn’t really go anywhere, so I didn’t have to worry about it,” Logan said. “But also, I made sure to pass my driving test.”

“Ah,” Patton said. “I haven’t taken that yet.”

“Why?” Logan asked, joining them now that he was in dry clothes.

“I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. It’s not like I really need it. I have my permit for ID and we have a bus system in town for transportation, and I have a bike too.”

The microwave beeped, and Patton took the remaining tofu loaf out. Virgil pulled a plastic fork off his desk and handed it to Logan. “Thanks,” Logan said to the two of them.

“Are we gonna finish this game or are we gonna switch to Monopoly?” Roman asked.

“I’m pretty sure neither of us can beat your number of pairs, so let’s just say you win,” Virgil said, starting to gather his cards.

“Sounds good to me,” Roman said, pushing all of his pairs on the floor into a pile.

Patton gathered up his cards and then took the cards from the other two. He plopped them into the card box and then handed Monopoly to Roman, who started setting it up.

“I haven’t played Monopoly in forever,” Virgil said, swiping the instructions. “I don’t think I remember how to play.”

“Too many fights break out when you play?” Roman asked.

“Nah, my sib’s just not fond of it. They think it’s boring and takes too long. So we play Risk or Candyland instead.”

“Your sibling...Elijah, right?” Patton asked.

“Eliot,” Virgil said.

“Hand me the instructions when your done, please, Virgil,” Logan said. “I’m pretty sure I don’t remember the way Monopoly is actually played either. When I used to play it on tennis trips we had to make up so many house rules to avoid fights that I’m pretty sure we were actually playing an entirely different game.”

“I’m sorry, did Astro Boy over here just admit to being a jock?” Roman asked, passing out the money.

“I played for two years, so not really,” Logan said, meticulously lining up the money piles that Roman handed him.

“Why didn’t you stick with it?” Patton asked.

“The administration cut tennis at the beginning of junior year to ‘save money,’” Logan said. “Not really sure how they saved anything, considering we the players had to buy our own equipment and uniforms and we had to do our own fundraisers in order to raise the money to go to competitions, but that was their excuse.”

“Oh my gosh, you’re bitter,” Roman said, delighted.

“Listen, the girls’ tennis team won state for five years in a row before they cut us, and while the boys didn’t have quite that record, we were still pretty high up there. Football, on the other hand--which, by the way, gets their uniforms paid for by the school and got a new scoring sign my junior year--the football team wins like one or two games a year. They suck. But sure, let’s cut the state champions who pay for all their own stuff and keep buying the football team nice things that they don’t deserve.”

“You’re so fucking bitter dude oh my gosh,” Roman said. “Did you like, create a barricade in the lunchroom and demand the reinstatement of tennis or no one gets their pizza? Because if you’re still this upset about it I can’t imagine how you were junior year of high school.”

“I’m taking the dog piece guys,” Patton said.

“I want the hat,” Logan said, taking the small silver piece and putting it on Go. “We took it to the administration, the PTA, even the school board. Mary, the captain of the girls’ team, she started a petition. But--” Logan shrugged, “--it’s tennis. Nobody cared.”

“That sucks, dude,” Virgil said, handing over the instructions.

Logan took them from him and started speed-reading them.

“Hey I vote that we have a house rule that landing on free parking gets you the chance money,” Roman said.

“I’m good with that,” Virgil said.

“Me too,” Patton said.

“Sure,” Logan said, putting down the instructions. He noticed that Roman and Virgil had picked the car and the shoe. “Let’s roll and see who goes first.”

Patton rolled highest, so he went first, followed clockwise by Roman, Virgil, and Logan. Virgil’s very first move put him on a Chance spot. He drew a card and swore.

“What?” Patton asked.

“I’m going to jail on my first turn!” Virgil said, moving his piece into the jail box.

Roman cackled. Logan rolled and got to the “Just Visiting” part of Jail.

The four of them snatched up the properties fairly quickly, though Virgil ended up getting the least amount of properties of all of them. He kept making poor rolls while in jail, so he ended up having to wait out the entire sentence while the other three commenced bouncing their pieces around the board. Patton dominated the conversation, talking about all the dogs he’d seen on campus today, and how intimidating his French class was, and how everyone else was better at speaking French but he was still the boss at grammar, and how boring his history homework was. Virgil chipped in when relevant, and Roman sometimes derailed the conversation or responded with a story of his own. Logan was quiet, mostly just eating his tofu loaf when it wasn’t his turn.

“Hey Astro Boy, you okay over there?” Roman asked.

Logan scowled. “Please tell me you’re not going to keep calling me that.”

Roman grinned, “Only until I find something better.” Then he turned serious. “Are you okay though?”

“Yeah,” Logan said. “Just tired.”

“Like I haven’t heard that excuse before,” Roman said.

“I’m being perfectly honest here. I took a several-hours long walk, I don’t have the energy to feel anything but tired,” Logan said with the ghost of a smile.

“Okay, well as long as you’re sure,” Roman said.

“I’m always sure,” Logan said.

Virgil swore under his breath again, and Logan looked over to see that he’d landed on Boardwalk, a property that Roman had been lucky to get. Scowling, Virgil handed over the money. “I’m gonna be out of the game in like ten minutes at this rate,” he said.

“I’m sure your luck will turn around,” Patton said comfortingly.

As he said that, Roman landed on the “Go to Jail” box. “What?!” he shrieked. “Oh, the indignity!”

“You’re right, Patton, my luck did just turn around.”

“You’re so mean to me, Virgil!” Roman said, pouting. Virgil just laughed.

Logan rolled the dice and landed on Park Place, which had so far not been purchased.

“Don’t you dare,” Roman said.

Logan smirked. “Patton, hand me the property card for Park Place, please,” he said, drawing up the correct amount of paper money. Roman made a dramatic noise of despair as the exchange was made.

The game went on. Roman had to spend two turns in jail, but did roll doubles on the third try. All the properties were finally purchased. Patton got the “Get out of jail free” Chance card. Now Monopoly started in earnest.

Virgil was barely hanging on. He kept hitting properties that belonged to someone else, especially on the expensive side of the board. If it weren’t for the $200 bonus for passing Go, he would have been out by now. The only thing that was saving him was the fact that no one had a monopoly on any of the colors yet. None of the other three had brought up trading or buying properties so far. It seemed they were waiting for an opportunity.

Virgil’s phone buzzed. It was someone from Biology, asking what answer he got on one of the homework questions.

Homework...questions?

“Shit!” Virgil said.

“What?” Logan asked.

“I have Bio homework due tonight!” He stared at his Monopoly stuff, thinking about what to do. “Here Roman, you can have all my properties.”

“What? But Virgil, we’re roommates.”

“Yeah, but Roman and I are friends.”

Logan gave him a look of affronted disbelief, but then he laughed. “Okay, I feel like I deserved that.”

Virgil walked over to his desk, and with a sigh, flipped open his laptop. At least he’d remembered before 11:59. He opened up the questions and started his biology while also keeping half an ear on the conversation that the others were having. For the most part, it was Logan and Roman getting indignant over bad rolls while Patton giggled in the background.

Virgil started with the question that his classmate had asked him about. He vaguely remembered reading about it on the assigned reading. He sighed, and dug through his backpack for the book. Already he could feel that he’d be missing out on the rest of game night.

As he focused on the homework, he stopped paying attention to the others. He pretty much tuned them out until he heard Roman say dramatically, “Listen, Logan, I am simply too gay to do math right!”

Virgil turned around just in time to see Logan go through all five stages of grief in two seconds, and then say, “I’m sorry?”

“I like men, Logan, if that disturbs you we can’t be friends.” Virgil saw an all-too-familiar look of fear that maybe-coming-out-was-a-mistake-and-the-level-of-ok-with-gay-had-been-miscalculated on Roman’s face. Oh dear.

“No, I got that, that’s fine. I don’t get why that means you can’t do math.”

“It’s a joke, Logan,” Virgil said.

“It’s an internet stereotype,” Roman said.

“...Ah,” Logan said.

“One of these days, I’m going to set you up on social media, and that’s a threat,” Virgil said.

“I’m on social media,” Logan said. “I have a Facebook account.”

“Do you have Instagram?” Roman asked.

“No.”

“Snapchat?” Patton asked.

“No.”

“Twitter?”

“Myspace?”

“Tumblr?”

“No, and isn’t that last one like, a porn site or something? I know it was banned at school for being inappropriate.”

“I mean...yeah, there is a lot of porn there, but technically it’s pretty much twitter without the character limit,” Virgil said.

“I see.”

“Why do you have less social media presence than my grandmother?” Roman asked.

“I only had a flip phone until this year, so that means no Snapchat and no Instagram, and I’m overall not very fond of the Twitter format, so I didn’t ever make an account.”

“That’s so wild, dude,” Roman said, landing on Free Parking and collecting hella money. “I don’t think I would have survived high school with a flip phone. I love taking pictures of my friends too much, and you can’t do that with a shitty flip phone.”

“My phone had a camera,” Logan pointed out.

“Yeah, but I bet it had a resolution of like, 100 by 100. I like taking good pictures.”

They bickered for a bit about the pros and cons of flip phones, and Virgil turned back to his homework. Not much later, they abandoned the game, citing boredom. They gave Roman the credit for winning again, since he was the only one with a Monopoly (on the green properties, which he got when Virgil gave him all his stuff). Roman brought up that they could still play Risk, but since Virgil was out, having to do homework, and Logan was visibly exhausted, Patton quietly suggested that they call it early this week and just play Risk next week. The three who were not doing homework cleaned up all the game pieces and empty plates, and then Roman and Patton said their goodbyes.

Once the two neighbors left, Logan flopped onto the bed. He gave a cursory glance at his phone, which had a few texts from his father and one from Remy, and then popped it into his top right desk drawer without answering any of them. Despite the lights being on and Virgil working away on his homework, Logan was asleep within ten minutes. Virgil supposed he really was exhausted.

With a sigh, he turned back to his homework. It was only a few hours until 11:59, after all.

[whoareurl]

Causing Chaos in Pyjamas (7/9)

Q had been expecting another painfully long jaunt through the underground system but mercifully Bond ran to the edge of the pavement, one hand in the air, and yelled, “Taxi!”

The inside of the cab was wonderfully warm and Q huddled into himself in the hopes of preserving as much heat as possible. The sudden temperature change made his nose run something awful so the borrowed handkerchief was near permanently attached to his face but Q was happy to suffer a little in that regard if it meant he might be able to stop shivering.

“Vauxhall Cross,” Bond said curtly and the cab driver’s eyes raked over Q’s haggard appearance.

“Rough day?” He asked faintly.

“Quite,” said Bond.

The cab driver stopped trying to strike up conversation after a mere glance at Bond’s harsh glare and Q was grateful for the peace. It lulled him into such a wonderful sense of calm and security that he let his head fall onto Bond’s shoulder, eyes drooping shut. The surprise he felt when Bond’s arm wound round his waist was completely overruled by his exhaustion. He dozed, snuffling quietly all the way there.

“Q,” Bond’s voice broke through Q’s hazy half-dreams.

Opening his eyes, Q was momentarily panicked because he couldn’t see a damn thing but Bond was soon offering his glasses which looked strange in his weather-worn hand. Usually, he held a gun there; it was almost incongruent to see him holding something as fragile as a pair of glasses.

“You took m’glasses?” Q asked stupidly, ducking into the handkerchief to let out a single barking cough.

Bond patted his back and tugged the door open. “You looked uncomfortable.”

Q nodded. Though the first time Q had registered Bond’s apparent interest in his health was that morning, he was all too quickly getting used to having someone look out for him in little ways like that. Well, and big ways; Bond was currently helping him escape hunters which Q would definitely classify as Big Way.

By the time Bond had helped him out of the taxi, Q had regained some of his wits about him. Despite all the napping he’d been doing recently, he felt dead on his feet. A bath and his own bed sounded like just the ticket but he supposed the couch in his Q-Branch office would do in a pinch.

Q shook his head to clear it. There were more important things at stake than a healthy sleep schedule, damn it. His people were in danger. M needed to be briefed and Q should really double check the active mission logs for anything which might suggest one of his agents was now a target. He should also get on comms with 005 to make sure the Serbia retrieval was on track and there was a mountain of paperwork he’d been meaning to get to stacked on his desk.

Resigned, Q let out a throaty sigh as Bond dragged him through security. Without his ID, Q had worried he’d have trouble making it into the building but Bond’s double-oh status meant he was entitled to do pretty much anything to ensure a positive mission outcome; getting unidentified Quartermasters past the poor sods on the security desk was hardly a colossal challenge.

It took Q a moment to realise that he was not, in fact, being led down to Q-Branch but past the lifts and along to-

“007,” Q said sharply, yanking his arm out of Bond’s grip with strength that surprised even himself. If Bond was surprised, his face betrayed nothing. “I’m needed in Q-Branch.”

Bond quirked an infuriating smile. “You’re really not. In case you’ve forgotten in all the excitement, you’ve got the day off. Sick day,” Bond clarified needlessly, tapping Q’s sore chest with his index finger. “Remember?” He asked cheekily.

“That was before a security breach put lives in jeopardy,” Q huffed, flouncing off towards the nearest staircase. Well, he tried to flounce but it became more of a trudge within a few steps and moments later Bond was redirecting him to the lifts.

“If I can’t convince you to go to Medical, at least save your breath on the stairs,” he reasoned.

On another day, Q might have taken the stairs out of sheer spite but apparently spite wasn’t a good enough motivator when his lungs felt like they were full of wet cement. Reluctantly, Q let Bond steer him into the nearest lift.

The moment the doors opened, revealing the bustling Q-Branch ahead, Q began to regret his decision.

Fuck, he thought. Fucking cat pyjamas.

R saw him first but it didn’t take long for the other minions to spot him. The chatter finally petered out and Q was left shuffling awkwardly, suddenly very aware of his ramshackle appearance.

“Sir?” R breathed, shocked as she stepped forward, her usual wariness of James Bond apparently overruled by her concern for her boss. Her shocked professionalism quickly dissolved into something else after she gave Q the once over. “Q, love, what are you doing here?”

Q felt Bond stiffen next to him but didn’t pay much attention. He was too bloody tired to analyse the ins and outs of Bond’s psychology right now.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. He wished everybody would stop staring. R seemed to notice too because she turned sharply on her heel and the minions were pointedly avoiding eye contact within moments. If nothing else, Q was glad to know that his minions were in good hands; he still wasn’t comfortable with this concept of a temporary Q running the place, especially since he hadn’t met the man. Of course, Olivia Mansfield’s recommendation put Q at ease somewhat but he’d still have preferred being able to brief the new Q on how they did things.

(Thinking of this stranger as Q, thinking of his minions, his agents, addressing him as such made Q feel a little wobbly. He wasn’t normally this insecure but he felt undeniably hurt by the thought nonetheless.)

The compact headset Q usually wore was attached round R’s right ear which gave him pause.

“You’re co-ordinating?” He asked with a frown.

R rolled her eyes. “Your replacement leaves much to be desired. Do me a favour and don’t get sick again for the foreseeable future?”

Q felt a smile tug at his lips. “I’ll do my best.”

“Speaking of which, you should sit down,” R said suddenly, swiftly grabbing Q’s hand and dragging him through the branch in the direction of his office with Bond following closely behind. “I assume if you’re here it must be something important though I would have pegged you as the type to get dressed before coming to work. Lord, Q, did you take a wander round London on your way here?”

Bond frowned. “M didn’t brief you?”

R’s brow furrowed, concern flashing in her face. She was hardly trained in observation to the same standard as the agents but she was clever. Ushering Bond and Q inside, she shut the door to Q’s glass office and pressed the button to turn the walls opaque. Q wasted no time settling himself on the couch since his legs felt like they might give way any minute.

“What happened?” R asked solemnly, eyes raking over Q’s miserable, shivering form. “Oh shit you actually have been all over London today, haven’t you? Were you followed? Who were they?”

Q could see R’s brain whirring at one hundred miles per hour but he could scarcely draw breath to get a word in edgeways.

“What…” She frowned and looked at Bond as though she’d just registered him. “007, what are you doing here?”

Bond raised an eyebrow. “I happened to be visiting Q when we experienced an urgent need to relocate.”

“Visiting?” R said skeptically.

“I needed his help with something,” Bond amended.

R scowled. “He’s off sick. I distinctly remember M saying he wasn’t to be disturbed.”

“Thank you, R, but I was happy for the distraction,” Q sighed, closing his eyes.

Bond and R continued to argue but Q tuned them out. He felt like every part of his body was clamoring for attention; his head thumped and his chest itched and his limbs felt terribly heavy. There was a sneeze brewing somewhere deep in his sinuses but Q was too tired to coax it out. It was all so much and Q felt so bloody dreadful that he would have burst into ugly tears then and there had it not been for Bond’s gentle hand on his shoulder, R’s fingers squeezing his knee.

They’d stopped talking, apparently. Q opened his eyes to find the pair of them exchanging a series of concerned looks and nods. He sighed.

“I’m not going to Medical,” he said before either of them could say anything.

“Q-”

“I need to sort out this mess and brief M and-”

R cut him off. “007 has filled me in on the situation. I can handle it from here. You need your bed, love.”

(Bond’s fingers tightened almost possessively on Q’s shoulder.)

Q mustered his sternest expression which usually had R and the minions standing to attention. Some of the effect must have been lost with his pallid skin and dark-ringed eyes, however, because R simply clucked in that disapproving way she did when a minion handed her shoddy paperwork.

“If you can’t go home, at least go to Medical,” R said and Q couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Between R and Bond, Q was starting to feel like a disobedient child. Before he could protest that he had a job to do, R continued, “You’ve been locked out of MI6 computers until you’ve been cleared by a doctor.”

This blatant insubordination startled a cough out of Q which certainly didn’t help his case. R put the tissue box from the desk on his lap and Q pressed a handful over his mouth. He was certain Bond and R were communicating in that silent language again but he couldn’t breathe and he didn’t care. Even Q had to admit, his chest sounded bad. He should go to Medical but, at this point, that would be giving in and Q was nothing if not stubborn.

“I can just hack back in,” he muttered when his lungs had finally calmed.

R raised an eyebrow. “Q, love, don’t take this personally but you couldn’t code your way through Hello World in this state.”

Q didn’t have the energy to be affronted by that.

“Alright,” he said slowly. “I’ll go to Medical but only after I’ve spoken to M.”

R gave a resigned sigh.

“Come on then,” Bond said, pulling Q to his feet but Q tugged his wrists out of Bond’s hands the second he was on his feet.

“I have to change first,” he said.

Bond looked him up and down. “You look fine.”

Q shot R a long-suffering look. She hid a smile behind her hand.

“I can’t meet M in my pyjamas!” He said incredulously, not quite believing he was having to explain this. “It’s...it’s unprofessional.”

“It’ll be fine,” Bond said lightly. “You can wear my jacket.”

R snorted.

“It’s missing an arm, Bond,” Q reminded him and shooed them both out of his office without another word. He heard them laugh together behind the door.

Traitors.

~

“Ah, 007,” greeted M as they entered his office. His eyes widened when he laid eyes on his Quartermaster. “Q, you look like death warmed over.”

“Yes, sir,” Q agreed weakly, thankful for the change of clothes he kept in his office at all times. He didn’t think he’d survive the humiliation of Mallory seeing him in his night clothes. Bond was bad enough but his boss was where he drew the line.

M looked Q up and down before turning his attention to Bond. “007. A report, if you please.”

Bond’s report was brief and clipped. Professional, Q would say, which was certainly not a word he had ever used before to describe James ‘I parked the car at the bottom of the Tiber’ Bond. Q listened with only a half-hearted interest, wondering why he’d been so insistent on seeing M when clearly he wasn’t going to get a chance to say anything.

The ache in Q’s chest was almost suffocating and he found himself wishing he’d agreed to go straight to Medical after all. He wanted to say that the agents might be in danger but Bond seemed to be on top of that. He wanted to offer his services and say he’d be down in Q-Branch if anybody needed him and just walk right out the door. But all he could do was lean heavily against the filing cabinet and let Bond’s voice wash over him.

Quite without warning, a rush of intense dizziness flooded through him and Q’s knees buckled.

“Bond,” he found himself choking without really meaning to.

Bond turned and, upon seeing Q was rapidly approaching a physical collapse, bridged the short distance between them and caught him, lowering them both to the ground far more gently than Q could have managed on his own. Bond’s hand came to rest worriedly on Q’s forehead and the Quartermaster couldn’t suppress a groan of relief at feeling Bond’s cool fingers on his skin.

“You’re burning,” Bond said and M was crouched next to them but Q didn’t remember him moving.

M touched Q’s shoulder. “Q?”

But Q couldn’t summon the breath to say anything. He was coughing again and feeling very suddenly like he might throw up. The dizziness only grew with every feeble attempt to just breathe. He heard Bond and M talking over his head. He heard the distinct and shockingly unfamiliar notes of panic in Bond’s tone and reached for his hand (or where he thought Bond would have left his hand, at least) to reassure him that it was okay, just a cough.

“M’s calling Medical,” Bond told him quietly as Q’s coughs subsided. Exhausted, Q let his head come to rest on Bond’s shoulder, feeling his entire body turn to jelly against the agent’s side.

“Don’t need Medical,” said Q petulantly.

Bond chuckled. “I’m going to have to overrule you there.”

Q wanted to explain that, actually, he outranked Bond in this organisation. He wanted to tell him very succinctly that he was allowed to give Bond orders - not that he ever followed them - but that such privileges absolutely did not work in reverse. (Thank God, really.) He wanted to tell Bond in no uncertain terms that he was the goddamn head of Q-Branch and answered directly to M and only M.

However, what he actually said was, “You’re not the boss of me.”

(“I am, supposedly,” Mallory muttered.)

Bond laughed heartily then, shaking Q’s body which was still held close to his. Q was trying hard not to notice how firm Bond’s arms were. They were, by the way, extremely firm and being held in them was...very nice.

“Well, I can’t have my Quartermaster out of action. I need you in my ear to get my arse out of trouble,” said Bond, voice still full of mirth before he very suddenly became serious. “I never thanked you, by the way - for Skyfall.”

Q frowned. “Least I could do. My own bloody fault,” he wheezed.

“It wasn’t-” Bond started to say but the building anxiety Q had been experiencing since that morning bubbled to the surface before he could stop it and he pushed Bond away.

“I let him in!” Q snapped. “To tell you the truth, I’m getting quite sick of being the weak link in my own damn security sys..tem hh...hEHYISHHOO! Fuck!”

While Q dissolved into a painful coughing fit, he felt his anger ebb away as quickly as it had arrived and tears sprung unbidden to his eyes. Well, this was certainly unprofessional.

“Q,” Bond said quietly, pulling the Quartermaster into his arms again.

Q whispered a tearful apology into Bond’s shirt.

“It’s not your fault. You’re sick and you’ve been dragged round half of London. Anybody would be on a short fuse after the day you’ve had.”

Following some silent communication, Bond and M hauled Q to his feet before promptly depositing him in one of the chairs by M’s desk. Bond plucked a tissue from M’s half-finished box and pressed it into Q’s hand.

“You’d better clean yourself up or Stella will take one look at you and demand a month’s bedrest,” he teased cautiously, clearly relieved when Q cracked a smile.

“Speak of the devil,” said M at the sound of approaching footsteps.

However, it wasn’t Stella (the head nurse at Medical and absolutely not a woman you would want to meet in a dark alleyway) who entered M’s office with a brisk knock but Q’s temporary replacement. He was older than Bond by a good few years with thinning grey hair and carried a clipboard under one arm with paper notes. Q despaired, he really did.

Not-Q’s eyes widened slightly when he saw Q settled in one of M’s chairs. Clearly he hadn’t been expecting him to look quite such a wreck.

“Yes, Quartermaster?” M said curtly and it might have hurt Q to hear his title directed at somebody else (and somebody who still used paper notes, at that!) had M’s tone not suggested that he didn’t particularly care for the temporary Q.

“Apologies, Sir,” said Not-Q with a frown. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”

At these words, two hulking men stepped into M’s office and the unease which spread through the room had Bond’s hand resting on his gun as he instinctively moved to put his body between Not-Q and the others.

M’s eyebrows furrowed. “What is the meaning of this?” He asked sharply.

Not-Q’s smile was decidedly unfriendly. “Oh, Mallory, I do wish you’d told me you had company,” he said, putting his hands on his hips and pushing his suit jacket back in the process, revealing the gun tucked into his waistband. “I’d have brought enough bullets to go round.”

[dawnjeman]

New Year, New Beautiful Homes of Instagram

  Hello, my wonderful friends! How are you in 2019? Did anything happen? Did a switch turn on, bringing more Light into your heart during this first week of this New Year? It’s been terribly cold, gloomy and dark out there. The weather is miserable and it’s easy to feel the winter blues insistently knocking on my door, but I am not opening it… instead, I decided to take a small break during the Holidays to do what I love the most in life; which is spending time with my family and work whenever I feel inspired. I took a small break and I am finally feeling like myself again… nothing makes you feel more centered than being able to slow down and hear your own thoughts, and that was exactly what I did.

During this New Year, I certainly hope to continue to listen to what’s inside of my heart and that goes to what I want to share with you here on Home Bunch. I have to be completely honest with you guys. I am tired of cold homes, everything looks the same these days. Although I will always bring the latest trends to my readers, one of my main goals this year is to share homes that feel more like real homes, homes that have character and feel loved, and that starts with this year’s first “Beautiful Homes of Instagram”. Please, get to know Erin from The Heart and Haven. She’s someone that will inspire you to transform your current home into your “home-sweet-home”!

  Hi, my name is Erin @theheartandhaven and I’m a home renovator, home décor enthusiast and mother. I have always enjoyed staring at all the pretty things, but I never realized how much joy I would find in creating them until my husband and I bought a 1950s fixer upper about five years ago.

My husband and I are high school sweethearts from the Jersey Shore. We dated long-distance throughout college and upon graduation, we decided to move across the country to start our life together in Los Angeles. I worked in television before deciding to become a stay at home mom when I had my first son. I now have two boys, ages 7 and 4.

After getting married, we purchased a newly-built, builder-grade condo in Los Angeles and while the finishes were not exactly my taste, I was excited to just have a place to call our own and honestly never thought about changing anything. Two years after having my son and really craving some private outdoor space to have him run around, we searched our neighborhood to find a house. We found a corner house only a few blocks away on a beautiful, wide tree-lined street. It was custom built in 1950, and nothing had been updated since then. The house was head- to-toe covered in orange wood (floors, ceilings, walls, you name it!). The bathrooms had parquet linoleum, the staircase had scrolling wrought iron and each room had ceiling fixtures hanging so low that it made the 8 ft. ceilings feel much smaller. Having no reno experience under my belt, I still felt that this 2400 sq. ft. house had potential. Thus began our renovation journey, and we lived through all of it! I don’t think I knew what my style was when we started renovating our home and decisions often had to be made quickly. There are some things I would change, but I have learned so much throughout this process. And five years later, I think I have found my casually modern, beachy-boho style through decorating it , and it has truly become a passion of mine.

  New Year, New Beautiful Homes of Instagram

Our kitchen was the last major renovation. After living in what felt like a wooden cave, I wanted our new kitchen to be light and bright. We took down the wall that separated the kitchen from our playroom to open it up. I had always wanted an island but, due to building codes, the island would have been very small. So, I adjusted my vision and was able to have the counter space and seating area by making it into a peninsula instead.

Peninsula measures 6 ft x 4.5 ft. and counters are Salt White Marble.

Paint Color: Valspar Mountain Mist.

Kettle: Crate & Barrel.

“Let’s Stay Home” sign: Here.

Runner & Flooring

This pink kitchen runner is one of the cheeriest pieces of home décor I own. I paired it with the wallpaper to make our kitchen more playful.  

Runner: Here.

Flooring: Wickham Hardwood, Maple (color Walnut) – similar here, here & here.

Cabinet Paint Color

Kitchen cabinets are Maple, painted Benjamin Moore White.

Canisters: West Elm.

Backsplash is Daltile Subway Tile, 3×6 in Arctic White – similar here.

Appliances: Thermador Range, GE Café Series Refrigerator.

Marble Clock: Sur la Table.

Cabinet Cup Pulls: Hickory Hardware.

Sink & Faucet

While it might not be the most picturesque faucet, I love how we can turn the faucet on and off without dripping on our marble counters.  Definitely a functional win! 

Kitchen Faucet: Faucet, Moen Motionsense Chrome.

Kitchen Sink: 33” Farmhouse Fireclay Sink.

Kitchen Towel: Kate Spade.

Lighting & Barstools

When choosing the pendants over our peninsula, I didn’t want to compete with the chandelier in the nook. These cone pendants with their antique brass interior echoed the glam of the chandelier without overwhelming the space.

Barstools: Serena & Lily.

Lighting: Visual Comfort – 15 Inch Wide.

Utensil Holder: West Elm.

Breakfast Nook

I loved the idea of a breakfast nook and wanted to make it feel special, so I went with wallpaper and a statement chandelier. I think the wallpaper adds so much personality to this otherwise all white kitchen. I then paired it with a more rustic feeling table and chairs to contrast the crisp, geometric design.

Table is RH – similar here, here, here, here & here.

Chairs are RH – similar here & here.

Pillows: here, here, here, here, here & here.

Chandelier & Wallpaper

Wallpaper is from Serena & Lily in Denim.

Chandelier is Visual Comfort.

Playroom

After taking down the wall between the kitchen and the playroom, this is now our view.  Since this is the room my sons hang out in the most, it had to be functional for them but also flow with our kitchen.  

Sofa is from HD Buttercup 

Window Treatment throughout home are plantation shutters by American Vision Windows 

Paint Color

The barstools had to become part of the design for the playroom because of the open concept, so going slightly more coastal in this room with the oversized beach print and using blue accents in the room helped tie things together. 

Paint color is Valspar Mountain Mist.

Inspired by this Look:

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Sofa

Some might think a white sofa and children do not go together. And they would be right! However, I love the crisp look of a white sofa so I chose a slipcover that can be removed and washed.

Sofa is from HD Buttercup.

Ottomans: Etsy.

Artwork: Minted.

Rug: Pottery Barn.

Mudcloth Pillow is by Bryar Wolf – similar here.

Playroom Media Center

Not fancy or even perfectly styled, but that is mom life! This media center holds all the extra toys and books and games.

TV: Samsung.

Gray bins are from IKEA – similar here.

Media Center: Pottery Barn.

Knobs: Restoration Hardware Dillon Knobs.

African Wall Baskets: Etsy.

Desk

Both the desk and window-seat are IKEA hacks.  I upgraded the desk by swapping out the hardware and I made the IKEA Kallax bookshelf-turned-window seat feel more custom by adding a bench cushion.

Rattan Mirror: Pottery Barn.

Vintage rug found on Etsy – similar here.

Window

Pillows and bench cushion by Tonic Living – Similar Bench: here (on sale!) & here.

Bins found at Target.

Living Room

Our sectional is actually a recliner and the chaise lifts up for hidden storage.  I love how functional it is for our family. 

While there is still updating to do to this room, we recently removed the metal stair railings and replaced it with a wooden banister.  Painting and staining the banister was a beast! But it was well worth it. 

Stair posts are Benjamin Moore Super White and stain was a custom mix. 

Artwork on wall by @sarahcnightingale.

Sofa: West Elm.

Paint Color

Wall paint color is Benjamin Moore London Fog.

Rug is discontinued – similar here.

Seagrass lidded basket: here – similar.

Fireplace

Choosing a split-faced stone for the fireplace is still one of my favorite design decisions. 

Stone: Wayfair.

Chair: West Elm.

Moroccan Leather Pouf: here.

Fireplace Sconces: Pottery Barn.

Shelves

Believe it or not, farmhouse style was my first love.

Shelves are IKEA and I spray painted the brackets Rustoleum Hammered Copper.

Grid Photo Frame: McGee.

Walnut Frame: McGee.

Brass Bells: McGee.

Rustic Vase: Here.

Artwork on top by @sarahcnightingale.

Others items mix of flea market and HomeGoods finds (including bottom baskets) – similar baskets: here.

Coffee Table

Coffee Table: here.

Coffee Table Decor: Wooden Bowl, similar moss, similar wooden beads & similar vintage bells.

Sofa Pillows: here, here, here & here.

Dining Room

I love earthy elements and this rustic dining table is the perfect combination of form and function. With all of its raw imperfections, the kids can be as rough as they want with it and I don’t mind.

Dining Table & Bench: West Elm.

Rug is vintage – similar here, here, here, here & here.

Wooden Candle holders are locally sourced.

Planter in corner is from HomeGoods – similar here & here.

Good Vibes

There is a casualness about my design style which is probably why I gravitate towards word art.  And I love the boldness of this black and white piece.

Artwork by JaxnBlvd.

Stool: Target.

Dining Room Chairs

The white wishbone chairs help to bring a lightness to this space which doesn’t get a lot of natural light and the chairs’ low profile makes this small dining space feel bigger. Paint Color is Benjamin Moore London Fog.

Chairs are by InMod – similar here, here & here.

Lighting: West Elm – similar here.

Mirror: here.

Floor basket: Pier 1.

Kids Corner

This was a fun IKEA hack that I did for my 7 year old’s room.  I took the IKEA Kallax shelf unit, chose two different color doors and then spray painted the letters. Wall color is Valspar Ghost Ship.

Pillows by Tonic Living – similar here.

Rug & Seagrass boxes from Homegoods  – similar rug & baskets.

Shelf and baskets from IKEA .

Reading Nook

These fern decals make this reading nook a lot of fun for my four-year-old.  And while I would have loved a hanging chair, I didn’t think it was practical for my boys so I opted for this caged freestanding chair instead. 

Decals by Urban Walls.

Chair: World Market.

Paper Mache Animal Heads: Fox, Rabbit & Deer.

Elephant Side Table: Serena & Lily.

Rug: here – similar.

Prints by Society6.

Guest Bedroom

Adding board and batten was a game changer in this room.  It instantly made the guest bedroom feel loftier than its standard 8 ft. ceiling height. 

Leather Bed: CB2.

Duvet Cover: here.

Nightstand: West Elm.

Throw: here, here & here.

Rug: here.

Paint Color

Paint color is Benjamin Moore Chantilly Lace.

Candle Holders: Crate & Barrel.

Pillows: Black & White & Bolster Pillow – similar.

Artwork: here.

Guest Bathroom

This small bathroom was the first major renovation we did when we moved in. There was literally a treasure chest inspired toilet box in here and, much like the rest of the house, tiles and walls were orange-brown. Having no prior design experience, I went with timeless marble and this little bathroom still makes me happy.

Bathroom wall paint is Behr Sterling.

Vanity: Wayfair.

Faucet is Kohler Bancroft.

Mirror: Uttermost.

Hand Towel: McGee.

Wood pot from HomeGoods.

Floor Tile: Wayfair.

Master Bathroom

This is our only bathroom upstairs, so it was important for us to keep a separate tub for our kids.  Paint color is Behr Light French Gray.

Paint Cabinet Color: Benjamin Moore Simply White.

Tile is Ceramiche Caesar Porcelain Tile in MORE Manhattan – similar here.

Rug is from HomeGoods – similar here & here.

Vanity: Pottery Barn.

Art Print from Serena & Lily.

Crytal knob by Emtek.

Tub: Wayfair.

Stool: Serena & Lily.

Master Bedroom

I love having a neutral bedroom that I can easily switch up by swapping out pillows and throws.

Bed: Wayfair.

Blue quilt from HomeGoods.

Throw: Etsy – similar here.

Full Length Mirror: here – similar.

Rug: Lulu & Georgia.

Textures

Bench from RJ Imports – similar here.

Duvet Cover: Anthropologie.

Wall Basket: here – similar.

Pillows: Velvet Pillows, Mudcloth Pillows, Lumbar – similar.

Stripe vase from Crate & Barrel.

Faux Stems: Crate & Barrel.

Nightstands from Crate & Barrel discontinued but similar ones here, here, here & here.

Paint Color

Paint color is Chantilly Lace by Benjamin Moore.

One of my favorite things about this house is the amount of closet space.  Our master has a his and hers closet.  The smaller one behind that door is the his, of course.  

Ladder is from Crate & Barrel.

DIY

The wall art here was an easy DIY.  I put mudcloth scraps in black frames to give this corner a boho chic look. 

Chair from HD Buttercup – other beautiful chairs: here, here, here & here.

Side table: here. 

Bench: here.

Dresser: Pottery Barn.

Desk

Desk from Restoration Hardware – other beautiful desks: here & here.

Chair is from IKEA – similar here.

Pillow: Serena & Lily.

Hanging planter is from Homegoods – similar here.

Baskets: Serena & Lily.

Rug is from Homegoods – similar here, here, here, here & here.

  Many thanks to Erin for sharing all of the details above.

Make sure to follow Erin on Instagram to see more of her beautiful home!

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Interior Design Ideas.

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Lead me in Light and Love”.

Have a wonderful day, my friends and we’ll talk again tomorrow.”

with Love,

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[yonkimint]

Okay this is probably gonna be long so sorry in advance 😅

ive been rereading the story before the update in a few hours just to collect my thoughts and be ready to add to them with the update

Okay so, like i said, im not really mad at tae cos theres no reason for anybody to react or respond to anything that hasnt been explicitly said to them with words. i stand by that, theres no reason for him to say anything to our y/n as of yet

HOWEVER!! The reread did remind me that things are in fact being said. Kinda. In the gcs the other guys are saying things that anybody with a brain would ask their friends about. Like after the art show somebody says, 'yea yea JUST besties' to y/n about her relationship with tae. That absolutely is something he should be asking his friends about. Me personally id probably ask right there in the gc but since its probably been like that for a while i can see how hed ask them in person or in their y/n-less gc. Either way ijs i realise that he does have something that he absolutely should be questioning and reacting to. i still dont think hes treating y/n like his gf tho but that could just be a me and how i opperate problem lol

YOONGI AND HOBI THO

Man listen. i feel yoongles on this like. i really really do. Cos on the one hand, yea absolutely you gotta let ppl make their own choices about shit. Its just straight up disrespectful not to. So deciding by yourself that you arent good for somebody is....well its not a great look lol

That said tho. He knows what hobi wants to do and he knows himself well enough to know that he might not be able to accommodate it and that he might hate it even if he can. Thats mature, honest and exactly the kind of awareness we should all be tryna level up to. What he said about how hobi would likely not do all the things he wants to cos hes prioritising their relationship is also a big deal too tho. Like again, dont just assume you know what somebody else is gonna do but also if your relationship is already like this you probably have a good idea about what theyre like. And like okay. That is absolutely a decision that hobi should be allowed to make on his own but the thing is that the results of that decision arent just gonna effect him. If he changes his whole life and all his plans around yoongi and then hates it yoongi also has to deal with that. And its not like yoongi wouldnt also be making changes either. If they alter their goals and dreams this early in being allowed to have them for each other and then it turns out miserable....that. thats the kinda lesson better learnt later in life imo. Especially with dancing (ex dancer here hey hi hello)

My point is that yoongis also protecting himself here and Thats 10000% valid and reasonable. Like ppl are 100% allowed to change their minds about goals and shit but i absolutely never wanna be the reason they do so i fully feel yoongis pain on this

Okay its 22.24 est so i think im done talking till your next attack in a few hours lol

i hope youre having an excellent weekend and youre not stressing too much about your classes. Also that youre eating, hydrating and resting as well as you can byeeeeeee 💜

OMG thank you for sending this because I actually forgot to queue up the next part!!!!!!! I would have had a lot of stressed out people in my asks come post time! 😅

Also I LOVE this commentary! Tae really should be picking up context clues and I don't know how long we can lean into the whole "he's clueless" excuse. So either he's afraid to ask y/n or the boys about it or he already knows and doesn't want to address it.

AND HOBI AND YOONGI

Yoongi is in a lot of turmoil about the situation obviously but I wish he could just live in the here and now and live without regrets. Because he absolutely will regret it if he doesn't see where things go with Hobi. That's definitely something we're going to address in later on so hold on to those thoughts!

Only one more week of classes and then I'm free from school until the end of August! I hope that you are doing well too and staying happy and healthy!!! 💜💜💜

[celticbarb]

⚔️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿⚔️BOOK📚REVIEW⚔️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿⚔️

Book: The Highlander’s Pirate Lass

By Heather McCollum

Series: Brothers of Wolf Isle , Book #2

Publisher: Entangled

Release Date: August 23, 2021

Overall Rating: 5/5 stars ⭐️

Blog Review: 5/5 Saltire Flags 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

1422 Ulva Isle Is the Norse name for Wolf Isle.

The premise of this series is that this clan is cursed by an old crone. The first Macquarie Chieftain, got a lass pregnant with no offer of marriage and married another due to a clan alliance. Well this lass was so broken she took her own life. So her powerful witch mother cursed the entire Macquarie clan to stop creating illegitimate children forcing them in a cruel world alone. Now they won’t be able to populate and get any lass pregnant, not until the clan really comprehends what true love really is! Plus the mates they chose can’t be from illegitimate births or again the curse can’t be broken, However this includes all Macquarie properties and everyone living on them will live in infertility and contagious illness. Plus it will affect every living thing not just the clan, but also the livestock and harvest as everything will die and nothing will exist. It will be a cold, miserable, barren, existence!The witch then stuck her blade into the tree covered in blood which made the tree cry forever for the Macquarie clan of Ulva Isle! This tree can’t be cut down or remove the dagger or they would be cursed forever and never have any chance for love and to populate with bairns. Now things were starting to change as the oldest brother Adam married Lark and the first buds appeared on the tree. It was a start and the next chapter begins centering on Beck Macquarie….

Scotl,and, 1547

This book centers on Beck Macquarie who doesn’t really believe in this ridiculous family curse. The only things he loves is his brothers Adam, Callum, Drostan, Eagan, and sister-in-law Lark, his clan and the boat he name The Calypso. He had been building with his own two hands for the past two years with all the love in his heart! Now he is a pirate hunter with his speed worthy boat. The thing he hates most is pirates, especially the notorious Claude Jandeau who abducts and brutalizes women and children and sells them into slavery! He nearly did that to his sister-in-law Lark two years ago (The Highlander’s Unexpected Proposal) but luckily they got her in time! He has been trying to catch this slippery weasel Jandeau to kill him with no success!

On Eilean Mòr Isle in the Sound of Jura, Beck meets the beautiful Erica Wentworth and her small entourage who is near starving! This is her family not by blood, but still a family. This family consisted of the middle aged Alice, thirteen year old Anders, eight year old Pip and Hester who was about three years old. Each of them were rescued by the pirate who is like a father to Erica, Captain John Pritchert, another privateer, for King Henry of England. He had saved Erica at twelve years of age, after the wicked Pirate Jandeau and his crew of fifty evil pirates on his ship, The Borreau, that brutally murdered her parents right in front of Erica! Jandeau was planning on selling Erica into slavery and Captain John luckily saved her. Captain John even killed two of his own crew who tried to later attack her! Even though Erica was in shock, she feels very guilty for not saving her baby brother who was also a prisoner she assumes on Jandeau’s ship! She has no idea if her brother who was three years old is dead, alive or a slave! Because of this Erica has dedicated her life to helping saving other lost children.

Beck sees Erica doesn’t trust easily and lies easily, but she is different than any other woman he has ever met. Not that he has met many woman living on Wolf Isle! Erica doesn’t trust men at all after all she has been through in her young life . Yet notices how different Beck is than most men, besides being drop dead gorgeous! She is so worried about Captain John and his crew on his ship, The Devils Blood, as they should of picked her up by now. Besides the fact they were near starving.

Beck saves Erica and her entourage and brings them to Wolf Isle, the attraction between Beck and Eliza is quite obvious. As they are like a moth to a flame and the chemistry between them is sizzling hot! Erica decides she wants the honorable Beck Macquarie to teach her about passion and give her lessons in bed. As Eliza doesn’t want to ever get married and be any man’s possession. Beck knows he can’t get her pregnant or he might curse his family forever. They both want Jandeau dead! The one thing Jandeau wants is Erica, the one that slipped through his fingers and soon Eliza is going to have to make a decision between the free and secure life she has lived or sacrificing everything for the people she loves! What shall she choose?

As Beck and Erica are like a a moth to a flame, for these star crossed lovers this attraction turns into love. Can Beck convince this Lass who might have some royal British bloodlines to stay with him forever? A Lass who curses like a sailor, who is more comfortable in sailors clothes than in frilly dresses and petticoats. A woman who loves the freedom of the sea and the spray of the ocean breeze as much as Beck, Except Erica tries to steal the one thing he loves as much as his family. Is it the ultimate betrayal? Does Erica ever find out what happened to Captain John the man who is like a second father to her and his missing pirate crew? Does she ever discover the fate of her baby brother and will she ever forgive herself for not saving him? Will Jandeau ever get his hands on the beautiful Erica to torment and pillage? Can Beck convince Erica to stay with him on Wolf Isle and let him love her forever? Read and find out the answers of so many questions in this breathtaking story!

I have been a long fan of this author Heather McCollum’s for over five years and have read and loved every book she has ever written to be honest. Yet this book absolutely blew me away! It is definitely her best work in my opinion. A book I definitely could not put down! It has everything readers will love: a swoon worthy hero, a heroine who has witnessed many horrors in life yet has a worthy goodness in her and a gentle heart. A black hearted evil villain that will give you chills and squirm in your seat! Plus the wonderful Macquarie family that you want to just become a part of.

Now if you want to talk about plotting this had plots within plots where I definitely was holding onto my seat and gasping for air! Definitely was causing some heart palpitations in this reader as I was swept away in a definite literary masterpiece that I absolutely wholeheartedly loved! These characters both good and bad are absolutely awe inspiring and unforgettable. It is one of those books you don’t want to see end! Probably one of my favorite books that I have read in the past decade! Yes I loved The Highlander’s Pirate Lass that much as it was totally brilliant! A book historical readers definitely don’t want to miss! I can’t recommend this book enough as every page from start to finish was an absolute masterpiece! I would give this book a bazillion stars if I could as 5 stars does not seem nearly enough! Woohoo, I am so excited and looking forward to reading Callum Macquarie’s story next in the third book in the Brothers of Wolf Isle series!

Disclaimer: I received an advance reader’s copy from Entangled Publishing. I voluntarily agreed to do an honest, fair review and blog through netgalley. All thoughts, ideas and words are my own.

Buy Links:

https://www.amazon.com/Highlanders-Pirate-Lass-Brothers-Wolf-ebook/dp/B099QJ5GTD

https://play.google.com/store/books/details?pcampaignid=books_read_action&id=7Pc4EAAAQBAJ

https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/the-highlander-s-pirate-lass

https://entangledpublishing.com/books/the-highlanders-pirate-lass

[bythepowerof4]

bythepowerof4 uuuggggggggggghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

nickatnightwalker good morning sunshine

bythepowerof4 very very bad morning. day. all of it :/

nickatnightwalker im trying to feel compassion but you did kind of do it to yourself

bythepowerof4 do what???

bythepowerof4 i didn't get fucked bro i was only a little off lmao i just had like. a bad time ):

nickatnightwalker oh is this not a hangover moaning

bythepowerof4 god i wish

nickatnightwalker what happened as far as i could tell you stayed clothed so whatre the regrets

bythepowerof4 i did lmao. ok like ur ego is probably swelling in the wake of everyone's poor decision making, but would it inflate it more if i said u were right all along

nickatnightwalker my ego's already reached terminal velocity youre gonna have to be more specific about what i was right about

bythepowerof4 etsuko :/

bythepowerof4 and prom. and prom with etsuko

nickatnightwalker /fuck/ yes i knew it and it's a bad thing because you dont know what to say, yeah?

bythepowerof4 fuck oooooooffffffffffffffffffff yeah :/ but it's also a bad thing cause she was fucking smashed and wanted to kiss me and chucked on my shoes and oh my god

nickatnightwalker oh smooth that's a definite winner as far as first moves go

bythepowerof4 haha yeah ok but i think maybe it wasn't the first move??? and i missed the others cause im an idiot i guess??? and she was so weird and sad and i feel like shit

nickatnightwalker no in all seriousness i obviously have a bias but good things have come from worst first moves it's not your fault you didnt know something she didnt say if she's sad you didnt pick up on it that blows but it's not on you

bythepowerof4 fuck lmao u are the expert :p and yeah. are you like. very sure im in the clear bc idk tbh i got kinda pissy and im still kinda pissy cause she said weird things about me and also daisy but like, we're friends and i think i was harsh

nickatnightwalker it's not your fault for not being a mind reader

bythepowerof4 i wish i was they need a class for that here. everyone wants you to be a fucking mind reader

nickatnightwalker oh what am i gonna have to stuff somebodys second mouth with newspaper and make them smell a jockstrap or what

bythepowerof4 no you are not and none of this leaves this chat ok!!!!

nickatnightwalker yes yeah but do i have to kill her or what i already gave thiren the flu this school year im comin in hot

bythepowerof4 was that you holy shit she shared her flask you gave it like everyone lmaoooo but wait no no killing!!!! she was just like. idk im kinda fuzzy on the deets but she acted like she was scared of like. breaking girl code. getting up on some other girls territory i think she actually said territory which made me feel very gross and i still do actually wow

nickatnightwalker i didnt make anyone share her bottle im innocent of everyone else getting sick alright also what the fuck girl code? territory??

bythepowerof4 i know girl code is strange and mysterious to us both but it was still. weird

bythepowerof4 she thought she couldn't say anything cause of daisy i think. cause she brought it up before i even said shit i think???

nickatnightwalker girl code is not a thing

bythepowerof4 i think it's shorthand for like basic decency

nickatnightwalker alls fair in love and war motherfucker if you and someone else like the same person whoever wins wins theres no playing nice playing nice is like, insulting

nickatnightwalker you like who you like and someone bowing out for someone else isnt fair to you just saying

bythepowerof4 :/

nickatnightwalker im serious it's wildly outdated and treats you like something that someone has a right to

bythepowerof4 like territory

nickatnightwalker very uncool

bythepowerof4 its not her fault i think im making it sound worse than it is

nickatnightwalker to be totally fair probably she thinks you like daisy and didnt want to get in the way which is respectable and respectful and a different story but territory is very uncool

bythepowerof4 yeah i think that's closer idk i barely have it in me to be confused about one girl this sucks talking to people sucks i don't know what's going on

nickatnightwalker you dont like have to know whats going on

bythepowerof4 it clearly helps

nickatnightwalker like. not to be fake deep but feelings arent easy to parse like, ever sometimes it takes a long time so just chill it's not a big deal to not know what to say the second someone comes on to you

bythepowerof4 i did say things though like a few things and i think they were kinda mean like youre right but it Sucks !!

nickatnightwalker ok. ok like.  being mean may have cut that option off for you you know that right

bythepowerof4 oh my god

bythepowerof4 oh my god fuck

nickatnightwalker dont freak

bythepowerof4 shes not an option she's just my friend which means i shouldn't be mean yeah way too late

nickatnightwalker on a scale of 1 to 10 how bitchy were you also if shes like.  not an option.  and just your friend.  isnt that kind of your answer clea.  like i dont mean to point out the obvious or sway you in any way but im not getting strong yes vibes from this strongly negative reaction

bythepowerof4 i don't know!!! i don't know it happened very fast i think i called her dumb

nickatnightwalker ouch

bythepowerof4 and got pissy about like. how we are Always Doing This

nickatnightwalker what, throwing up on each other

bythepowerof4 her throwing up on me yes

nickatnightwalker ok i can see how thats a bit of a turn of *off

bythepowerof4 this has like. happened and i think it's bad which means i should have been nicer about it

nickatnightwalker youre really being so vague right now you mean shes tried to tell you before or what

bythepowerof4 i mean she's gotten off her fucking face and started crying before and i just like, take her to the dorm or back to mine and its like. idk

nickatnightwalker right you dont love it

nickatnightwalker is what im gathering

bythepowerof4 no i think i think i think it's kinda nice sometimes cause i like helping her and that's really really bad

nickatnightwalker it's bad that you like helping her im just trying to get this right have patience with me

bythepowerof4 well yeah if she needs to need help before i can help her

nickatnightwalker oooooookay well it's not like youre sabotaging her just to get your hero rocks off

bythepowerof4 that sounds even worse thank you

nickatnightwalker youre not, are you?

bythepowerof4 i don't think so but like

bythepowerof4 i didn't stop her or anything

nickatnightwalker youre not her babysitter

bythepowerof4 i was um. distracted but i shoulda right

nickatnightwalker if you wanna help her outta the goodness of your heart thats good for you but youre not her babysitter i let damian and daisy both make turds of themselves last night

bythepowerof4 they weren't even drinking that's different

nickatnightwalker yeah, they did that shit sober and i still didnt try to stop them dude, my guy, bro youre your own responsibility ok

nickatnightwalker youre not her mom

bythepowerof4 im her friend!!!! friends look out for each other and stuff!!!!! and if im apparently leading her on or something and making her feel like she can't talk to me and letting her get all messy and miserable then im a bad friend and im upset about it!!

nickatnightwalker 1. leading someone on kind of has to be intentional, otherwise youre just like, being crush-worthy by being yourself 2. friends arent moms 3. moms are a social construct anyway 4. you dont "let" her get anything youre not in chargeof her cmon clea youre takng on way more of this than you should

feel bad she feels bad if you want to but guilt doesnt factor into this

bythepowerof4 you're like. way too rational you're making it very hard to be hysterical that's a compliment i think but im mad about it lmao :/

nickatnightwalker my job is to be rational about everyones problems except my own

nickatnightwalker thats my niche in the social hierarchy

bythepowerof4 big words from the guy trying to decimate my well meaning babysitter niche !! if you ever need someone to be hysterical about your problems know that im here for you

nickatnightwalker i have no problems my life is a glittering utopia compared to the dumpster fire of your last night and today apparently

nickatnightwalker like i cant make your decisions for you or anything but before you do make one id seriously advise you to work on not taking responsibility for etsuko's life and bad choices cause that way lies a really fucking miserable relationship

bythepowerof4 lmao liar!! everyone has problems and i'll be personally offended if you don't at some point dump them on me like im doing right now to you. two way street :p my advice might be less cool and wise and prophetic but like. still its not like, a """decision""" anyway cause its not some weirdo love triangle bullshit. cause i dont like. maybe if she said something before or if u know?? if shit was different but not now the decisiony part is just how to undo the dumpster fire lmao. which i think. i can maybe do idk thank u ur so good at this i hate you

nickatnightwalker i gotta be real i have no idea what anything you just said meant

bythepowerof4 oh i thought i made sense that time :/ that sucks this sucks again

nickatnightwalker is this a new kind of sucking or is this the same suck as before

bythepowerof4 part of the same suck cause i don't make , like. sense :/

nickatnightwalker just that one part where you say youre not making a decision cause you kinda got to even if it's to do nothing

bythepowerof4 oh ok yeah

nickatnightwalker "cause i dont like. maybe if she said something before or if u know?? if shit was different"  also this part

bythepowerof4 well im not doing nothing cause i don't wanna fight with/not talk to anyone and if i said i was thinking of waiting it out you'd tell me that's stupid lmao and that parts just like. u know

bythepowerof4 what she wanted to do and whether i also wanted to do that thing

nickatnightwalker idk i actually dont think waiting it out is a terrible idea in this case at least until she's calmed down and youve had time to think about whether you also wanna do that thing

bythepowerof4 i don't think i do right now i thought i was making that part fairly clear it's not like a hard no cause she's cool but i've got a lot going on rn lmao

bythepowerof4 ok so waiting. lmao can you be a mate and like buzz me when it's a good time to no longer be waiting

nickatnightwalker no that part was fairly clear from the way this news didnt like, make you happy in the least

bythepowerof4 oh. yeah i guess? that could all be circumstances though

nickatnightwalker it's been a couple days now probably tomorrows a good day to apologize for being bitchy

bythepowerof4 ok. ok i can do that !!!

nickatnightwalker circumstances arent THAT much of a game changer when it comes to wanting a person to kiss you or not also dont apologize for her getting drunk that was her choice dont be weird about it

bythepowerof4 barf mouth tho

bythepowerof4 and yeah ok i'll skip that part

nickatnightwalker ok barf mouth is actually a good point

nickatnightwalker but still easy enough to fix for it not to be a huge dealbreaker

bythepowerof4 oh hey ets yeah let's go get you some goddamn listerine, and i'll go change my shoes and then we'll meet back here in 15 for super scheduled smooching !! no thank you!!!!

nickatnightwalker do other people not do that i feel like people do that i personally have definitely sent people away for listerine

bythepowerof4 oh my god and you can just?? get back in the moment like nothing happened???? i don't see it

nickatnightwalker idk if theyre hot enough you can let a lot of stuff slide

bythepowerof4 oh bc ur sooooo hot enough that they let ur critiques on their hygiene slide :p

nickatnightwalker you think im that tactless? im fucking smooth people dont even notice it's insulting

bythepowerof4 is there a tactful way to send ppl off for mouthwash

nickatnightwalker yeah, you tell them what they get when they come back or pass em some gum and hope if it's not too bad

bythepowerof4 jesus you really think you're all that !!!!!

nickatnightwalker what it's not like im making this up when youre out sometimes people arent super picky ok

bythepowerof4 i believe you its just weird !! i thought people were picky as a rule and like, idk it sounds so awkward

nickatnightwalker oh no absolutely people are not that picky all the time and if you wanna k iss someone you wanna kiss them and you'll wait if you gotta you see?

bythepowerof4 oh well duh im good on the waiting part lmao which is why i would wait for a different time entirely when no ones barfy or critical :p im very patient!!!!

nickatnightwalker right but you have to like.  want to wait. and if you wanna wait then that should kinda clue you in

bythepowerof4 oh. yeah we're talking about that again ok

nickatnightwalker it all comes back around theres no such thing as tangents

bythepowerof4 youre a terrible person i live off tangents

ok well. yeah no. i don't wanna like a little but not enough. which i feel weirdly bad about but sure whatever brain!!

nickatnightwalker no no guilt over that

nickatnightwalker not allowed if etsuko's a half decent person i dont think she'd want you to feel guilty about that either

bythepowerof4 tell my brain that im trying !! she wouldn't duh i think she feels worse about it which makes me feel worse about it

nickatnightwalker say it with me now i am not responsible for someone else's feelings now you

bythepowerof4 :/ i am not responsible for someone elses feelings

nickatnightwalker yeah there you go try this one im not responsible for someone else's messy behavior

bythepowerof4 i am not responsible for someone elses messy behaviour even though if i can stop it i should probably try ok next

nickatnightwalker nope if you want to out of the goodness of your heart go for it but you have no responsibility to stop it not even should

bythepowerof4 are you sure not even should that seems extreme

nickatnightwalker no like it'd be nice of you but youre really NOT under any obligation youre not her mom

nickatnightwalker thatd be creepy and gross clea

bythepowerof4 not obligation just like the parameters of friendship it's creepy and gross that u keep saying that!!

nickatnightwalker it's creepy and gross that you feel like youve gotta babysit her im just being real here

bythepowerof4 ughhhhhhhhhhhh i knew it i knew i was gross it's not even her ok i would look out for you if you weren't so mr perfect perfect all the time!!!

nickatnightwalker thats the first time ive ever been accused of that lemme bask in it for a second ok im good

nickatnightwalker clea that kinda sounds like an issue that's you-based and youre like, gonna get worn out and have a breakdown or something

nickatnightwalker we're kids we're not old enough to take care of other people like that

bythepowerof4 i just. don't get why ur objecting to my like, decency if you ever actually needed it then maybe you'd get it but you don't so it's fine!! im not gonna have a breakdown i don't wanna have a breakdown

nickatnightwalker im not objecting to decency im objecting to feeling guilty if you dont go out of your way for someone not like i dont generally frown on decency anyway but thats not related

bythepowerof4 no tangents!!! everything is related :p it's just. very hard ok can't help it, didn't know it was weird, this is by and large new information

nickatnightwalker i too like introspection better when someone else does it for me

bythepowerof4 god right ppl should make a living off this

nickatnightwalker i think that's called therapy

bythepowerof4 shit yeah ok but who needs that

nickatnightwalker apparently most of us no shame

bythepowerof4 :( i don't see you so much as going to the school counsellor

bythepowerof4 that sounds weird nvm

nickatnightwalker well you got me there but as we've established im perfect so

bythepowerof4 lmao right!! you should go to counselling and counsel the counsellor

nickatnightwalker you think i could take that up as an extra curricular beef up my resume

bythepowerof4 oh for sure "browbeat a mental health professional into respecting my superior opinions" looks good to me

nickatnightwalker i dont have to browbeat anyone into knowing im right

nickatnightwalker are you like.  good though

bythepowerof4 oh of course!!!! my mistake

bythepowerof4 oh um. yeah like no but yeah everything's just a lot u know

nickatnightwalker it sounds like it shes not like, on you about itthough right

bythepowerof4 no she hasn't said anything which is worse

nickatnightwalker shes probably mortified wouldnt you be?

bythepowerof4 well. yeah i have some recent experience here actually so yeah i can imagine

bythepowerof4 shit

nickatnightwalker of what? bein?

bythepowerof4 yeah being drunk and dumb and um. misreading situations and friendship and liiiiiiiiike idk being fucking mortified it's this nvm idk arrgggghhhhhhghhhhhh

nickatnightwalker damn you had a busy summer huh

bythepowerof4 ://////// yeah kinda :/

nickatnightwalker which is part of whats going on with etsukoe? whyd i add an e

bythepowerof4 lol autocorrect always fucks with it its so annoying ok i guess it's maybe related to the degree that everything, as we've established, is related but i just had a uhhhhhh not so great time with my old friends

nickatnightwalker you were drunk and misread a situation

bythepowerof4 not the alien kind the people kind

nickatnightwalker were you the etsuko or teh clea

bythepowerof4 oh my god. i had, like, previously been the etsuko. but that was a while ago and not a big deal it just kinda came rushing back u know and then i realised she thinks im a freak and then i did freak in a full freak way cause my face kinda popped

nickatnightwalker what

bythepowerof4 hey do you have any problems we can talk about instead this is terrible

nickatnightwalker im very interested in what you mean by your face popping but ok

bythepowerof4 you know like the glamour its kinda like paper and im underneath very much not like paper and then pop! no more paperface no more old friends

nickatnightwalker oh fuck hopefully they were all trashed too and just think they were drunk?

bythepowerof4 all of them????? sharing the same weird drunk hallucination??????

bythepowerof4 that's like extreme sunnydale syndrome

nickatnightwalker but it's so weird i doubt theyd wanna discuss it because theyd be worry about sounding crazy

bythepowerof4 i guess they're still gonna think it it's still how they're gonna picture me

bythepowerof4 and apparently they already thought i freaked and had to like go "somewhere" which i guess is true but i feel weird having ppl think of me like that

nickatnightwalker just seeing you one weird brain glitchy time isnt gonna change what they think of forever and i mean you could like.  tell them you just transferred schools like, tell them the partial truth right?

bythepowerof4 i did idk i don't think she believes me or like she does but she still thinks i had a breakdown???? i just don't get it ok im very put together

nickatnightwalker youre more anxious than i am

bythepowerof4 what no im not pretend i put some sincerity exclamation marks there

nickatnightwalker yeah you can see how thats not convincing though right

bythepowerof4 the exclamation marks? those are very convincing also im not trying to be convincing bc it's just true. cause u like. Have anxiety right

nickatnightwalker what

nickatnightwalker no im anxious about living in a magic school where everything and everyone can kill me

bythepowerof4 oh i just you use the word anxious a lot that usually sorry :/

nickatnightwalker im like 85% sure you can be anxious without having anxiety

bythepowerof4 well yeah i just im sorry u seemed really like im gonna stop ok cool im very sorry

nickatnightwalker im interested in how deep a hole you were going to dig for yourself

bythepowerof4 im not we should really move on also you were the one saying it's perfectly believable that i would completely flip my shit so maybe i should be offended !!

nickatnightwalker point was you seem really stressed like a lot

nickatnightwalker youre kinda tightly wound clea like regardless of whatever i am you are kinda a little stressed all the time

bythepowerof4 ok well im not or like a little bit but i don't want people thinking of me like that so this also just sucks

nickatnightwalker yeah, it sucks for people to think youre nuts, but that's kind of how it is if youre even a little bit weird out there, isnt it

bythepowerof4 yeah. that is how it is but it's oddly enough not making me feel better :/ hey ok im just gonna put these issues away bc i don't like them and i have to deal with the main problem bc ai is bugging me oh my GOD

bythepowerof4 please don't go trying to talk to ppl on my behalf bc it is apparently really annoying

nickatnightwalker ai is bugging you cupcake girl? the plot thickens

bythepowerof4 she stopped its fine i shouldn't even have said that she's just looking out for ets cause she's a good pal and stuff there's just like a lot

nickatnightwalker whatd she think she was gonna do change your mind

bythepowerof4 no she just asked why im mad so she could report back and now im reporting back on her reporting back?? this is so high school i have a headache

nickatnightwalker where is the self awareness with these people holy shit

bythepowerof4 i don't knooooooow im freaking out i don't like it

nickatnightwalker wait why are you freaking out youre not mad at etsuko, anymore, right?  you can like.  talk to her instead youre not beholden to ai's nosy ass

bythepowerof4 yeah i can but not yet because im talking to u and daisy kinda and ai and she's talking to ai and it's a lot of talking and i actually really have a headache everything's all doubletriple

nickatnightwalker wanna talk about something else

bythepowerof4 yes please

nickatnightwalker uhhhh i took a fuckload of martial arts classes over the summer and can now reliably flip people so thats cool

bythepowerof4 oh what that's so cool!!!! is that who was in the back of some of ur pics?? like the class??

nickatnightwalker oh yeah and daisys ballet class is in some of them too

bythepowerof4 yeah i defs noticed that lmao i dunno if i said enough but that was nice like getting those idk i missed you and now we're all back and im making it all drama!! instead of all chill could u flip damian. hypothetically but also for demonstrations sake

nickatnightwalker yes and yes

nickatnightwalker the more important question is will i the answer to which is also yes dont feel bad about the drama it's actually really 100% not your fault

bythepowerof4 i know but telling you about it is on me lmao text me when you're gonna there's no way you can do that without me there ok

nickatnightwalker who says i cant do it multiple times and idont mind you telling me either everything's chill on my side so it's easier to sort of have perspective

bythepowerof4 if you do it multiple times i insist on being there for all of them sorry not sorry yeah. perspective is good. you're good at that

bythepowerof4 >:/

nickatnightwalker ill do it right the fuck now clea

bythepowerof4 omg really omg please

nickatnightwalker i would never lie about this

bythepowerof4 yes yesteryear you're so good i love u tell me where *yesyesyes lol let me be excited autocorrect!!!!!

nickatnightwalker i was wondering why you were talking like carolyn ok were in front of artume lets do this

bythepowerof4 yessssssssss ill be right there

[zolotayafeya]

Mind Tricks

For Otayuri Week 2017, Day 1: First Times/Confessions. In fact, it’s a multitude of first times: First time wearing proper makeup, first time sneaking into a club, first time drinking with others, first time realising your best friend is fucking hot, first time witnessing said hot best friend exceeding the levels of cool thought possible by man—

Read it on AO3!

Since the first moment Yuri can remember laying eyes on him, he’s thought that Otabek Altin is the textbook definition of cool. Behind most of Yuri’s pointed insults and prickly first woods lies genuine interest—unless it comes to JJ fucking Leroy, of course, but that’s a different story. But any guy who can arrive from the airport in a leather jacket and a scarf, exhausted from travel, and still manage to look like the hottest shit on the block? Yeah, he’s cool. 

Notably, the thing that separates someone like JJ from someone like Otabek is how he does it, of course. JJ is loud, flamboyant, and obnoxiously arrogant about how cool he seems to think he is. Otabek doesn’t need to do that. Yuri learned that very quickly the moment Otabek first opened his mouth: When you’re truly cool, you don’t need to say it. You just radiate coolness.

Yuri thinks Otabek is the kind of cool who constantly looks badass but secretly religiously listens to tasteful music and composes orchestral pieces in his free time. He just has that air, you know? As biased as he is—Oh, come on, Otabek swooped in like a tall, dark, handsome stranger on a fucking motorcycle to rescue him, how is he supposed to be unbiased—he assumes this to be true. Of course Otabek reads classic novels and sits at a grand piano, playing an artful, calm rendition of Clair de Lune for his elegant mother and sisters. Obviously. That just seems like the kind of person he is.

Later, he catches Otabek wrinkling his nose at the repetitive, bubbly American pop song they’re playing at the rink during clean-up. Yep, he’s certain of it. He has Otabek pinned down as a music snob, cool and classy.

For some reason, Katsudon’s annoying friend and his two lackeys have decided to latch onto Yuri. Yuri thinks that they’re trying to leech victory out of him like it’s something they could actually steal by constantly hanging off him and snapping photos, even the quiet, sweet little Chinese one. Yuri feels like he could actually make him cry if he kicks him. Maybe it’s because they’re young and Yuri’s younger and they assume that automatically makes them best friends. It’s annoying as fuck, especially with Phichit acting like the wacky, cool aunt of their forced little group, and Yuri would ditch them immediately if Phichit hadn’t promised to sneak Yuri into a club with them… to celebrate flower boy’s late birthday, apparently. Yuri had pounced at the chance.

The thudding of the bass in the club announces its location before the four of them round the corner of the block. Between the American boy’s—Leo, Yuri finally makes the effort to recall—hidden talent with hairspray, Phichit’s admittedly frighteningly wizard abilities with an eyeliner pencil, and the leather pants, fingerless gloves, and combat boots Yuri swears he bought on a whim and not at all because his new best friend’s fashion sense is badass, they’ve actually managed to make him look like less of a prepubescent girl and more like someone not only smoking hot, but also old enough to have actually been to a club before. It’s enough that the bouncer only squints at him for a moment and offers no more than a passing glance at his fake ID, not like he’d actually try to decipher the Russian card anyways and figure out if it’s legit, before he waves all of them in.

It’s overwhelming, to say the least. Yuri’s never been inside a place like this: Dark, lit only by purple lights, packed nearly to the gills with people bumping, grinding, laughing, the floor vibrating with the bass. Phichit giggles at Guang-Hong’s fluttering shyness and drags him off towards the bar, leaving Leo and Yuri to trail after them. Leo, looking remarkably at home in the pulsating lights despite being underage in his home country, bumps his shoulder against Yuri’s and grins.

‘Come on, Russia,’ he says gamely. ‘You look like you’re gonna leap out of your socks. Loosen up a little.’

He passes over a beer Phichit hands him first before needling Guang-Hong until the Chinese boy finally laughs and downs his entire glass in one go. Then another. Then Leo presses a shot glass into his palm and Guang-Hong swallows the contents of that too, giggling past the burn. Yuri realises his jaw is hanging open and he shuts it with a click before glancing apprehensively at the froth at the top of his drink. It’s not like he’s never had a beer before, but he doesn’t trust these fuckers, especially with Phichit grinning at him like the Chesire cat and Guang-Hong already starting to sway.

Then the music changes. Suddenly it’s… not good. No, that’s an understatement; it’s awful. All four of them glance over at the table, where a girl in a low-cut shirt and her girlfriend hanging off her bare waist is giggling and failing miserably at DJing correctly. The crowd’s mostly too drunk to care, but a couple people raise loud complaints over the din of poorly mixed music and the girl starts shouting back at them.

‘Open DJ night,’ someone behind Yuri’s left shoulder says sympathetically.

Without a word, Yuri downs his drink like the goddamned hot-blooded Russian man he is and slams the glass on the nearest table. The other three skaters cheer. Yuri regrets his decision for a good fifteen seconds until it finally sets in that no, he’s not about to get mauled by his new companions while he’s drunk. The music shifts from shitty to… not bad, Yuri supposes. The girlfriend’s taken over. Or maybe it’s just the alcohol.

He never said his tolerance was high.

‘Dance with me,’ Guang-Hong whines, shedding his shyness like a snakeskin that threatens to give Yuri nightmarish flashbacks to the Sochi Grand Prix banquet and a certain disgusting Japanese skater. Guang-Hong latches onto Leo’s arm and hauls him bodily into the fray. Phichit gleefully snaps photos of the drunken Chinese boy doing something sinful with his hips that makes Yuri want to both throw up and save it as reference so he can fight for dancing dominance later.  If there even is a later. Right now, Yuri’s debating between just going back and grumbling his way through the night or joining Phichit in gathering blackmail material. Leo looks all too pleased that Guang-Hong refuses to let go of his hand.

The mediocre music lulls for a moment. Then it shifts into something good. The crowd raises a cheer of approval at the figure who’s taken over the table with the cool ease of an expert. It’s too dark for Yuri to get a clear look at the DJ, but whoever it is is shorter, stockier, male, and he knows what he’s doing. Fucking saviour. This is something that makes him want to dance, slip into the persona of the leopard on the prowl, winding and sinuous. Later’s starting to seem more and more like now… Yeah, now seems like a good time to go test that out. Yuri flicks his ponytail and saunters into the crowd to fucking dance.

Now it’s a competition with a proper background track. Yuri will dance sexier, hotter, better than fucking Ji Guang-Hong or die trying. Ballet’s gifted him fluidity with the sway of his hips, the curl of his wrists. Watching Katsudon skate the Eros routine has taught him how to seduce an audience with his eyes alone. No one’s watching when he starts, but he feels the eyes drawn to him like magnets when he gets going, the alcohol fuelling him to do the very sort of things he’d just been metaphorically gagging at Leo and Guang-Hong for doing. It sends a thrill up his spine. He’s not drunk off of what he was drinking; he’s drunk off of the attention, even when he brushes past Leo and Guang-Hong dancing, ah… close. He doesn’t want to think about what he just saw, so he just dances the thought away.

He grinds, bounces, and swerves his way closer to the table to get a better look at the guy who singlehandedly saved the night from mediocrity. The DJ’s sporting a black t-shirt just tight enough to show off how fit he is, dextrous fingers artfully splayed across the turntables, completely lost in the music. Yuri feels his mouth go dry as his eyes track up the man’s torso, right up until he reaches a strong jaw, stronger eyebrows, eyes rimmed in smudged, dark kohl, an inky undercut artfully styled to the side. Fuzzily, he thinks that eyeliner immediately makes just about everyone fifteen times hotter. The DJ? Hot as sin.

It must be the alcohol that makes the realisation hit him like a goddamned train about five seconds too late. There’s no other explanation for why it takes him so long to recognise that the DJ, large headphones looped around his neck, hips swaying sensually to his own beat, sweat glistening at his barely-exposed collarbones from the heat of so many bodies in such a small space, is Otabek fucking Altin.

Never has Yuri been glad to be so completely wrong. Calm, quiet, composed, classy Otabek, while admittedly very awesome, disappears from Yuri’s mind with what he’s sure is an audible, satisfying pop. Music snob his pretty ass, erase every record of him saying Otabek was the shit before he knew about this—this is the fucking coolest thing he’s ever witnessed in his life. Yuuko’s nosebleeding suddenly makes five times more sense. If Katsudon was here, he might have a heart attack. Mila would melt into a puddle of helpless want. JJ, Yuri thinks somewhere in the back of his muddled mind, would spontaneously combust over how much he sucks compared to Otabek, perfect motherfucker who can be the tall, dark stranger who rescues people like Yuri on his motorcycle, and, oh yeah, is a goddamned master DJ.

There’s suddenly a name he wouldn’t dare say for the confusing feelings Yuri’s been repressing since Barcelona once he manages to link ‘Incredibly hot DJ I would gladly grind upon’ and ‘Otabek Altin, best friend’ as one and the same in his head, and once it clicks, he doesn’t quite know what to do with it. Panic? Act? Flee? Ignore it?

‘Is that Otabek?’ Phichit shouts on cue over the music, sidling up to Yuri’s side. At that, Otabek’s eyes go alert as he seeks out the source, right up until his eyes land on Yuri, who suddenly feels exposed in his too-tight leather pants and his eyeliner. This is where he tenses up and spits something insulting in defence, even over the heavy thud of the bass. This is where he flees into the crowd and finds an exit faster than you can say ‘men’s singles figure skating.’ This is where he scrubs all of the sweat and makeup off of his face, peels off his pants, shreds them, and vows never to mention this ever again. However, after a moment, Otabek grins at him, eyes bright and smile suggestive. He leans forward and gestures for Yuri to join him with a crook of his finger, head tilted just a little bit, hips still moving to the beat.

The scenario flashes through Yuri’s head in quick bursts of half-formed fantasies he didn’t know he was capable of imagining. Everything around him seems to slow down as he digests the images: Otabek guiding Yuri’s hand to the turntables, his breath hot against Yuri’s skin as he offers instruction. Otabek slipping his headphones over Yuri’s ears, shutting out the rest of the club and drowning him in music. Otabek dropping one hand to Yuri’s hip, fingers settling right at the hem of his low-hanging, sweat-slicked leather pants, teasing at his skin. The press of Otabek’s chest against his back, his arms bracketing Yuri’s from behind like the shitty DJ and her handsy girlfriend, but fifteen billion times better. Yuri daringly rolling his hips against Otabek’s, reaching back to curl his fingers into Otabek’s masterfully styled hair and tug. He can almost hear the shocked, heady little gasp Otabek will offer at that, breath heavy, pupils blown wide, those smokey eyes half-lidded and smouldering and—

Yuri has never moved so quickly in his life.