#im too scared to actually drop out every time i consider even missing a class i think about tuition costs then staying in bed aint worth it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

extravaguk · 4 years ago

Text

sex education 2.0

pairing: college!au, jungkook x reader

summary: "Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah."

wordcount: 9k

genre: smut - angst(? not rlly - fluff, like tons bc im a slut for fluff

rated: m (duh!2.0)

warnings: alcohol and weed consumption, just jk and tae being bros having bro convos, switch!reader, switch!jk, but mostly dom!jk, dirty talk, glimpses of poorly written bdsm, reader being a jealous and ‘insecure little bitch’ (her words, not mine),slapping (dont worry i tried to make it funny), how i met your mother spoilers (sorry im a gemini i spoil shit), spanking, degradation kink, back at it again with the spit kink, slight anal play, beware!of jungkook being a sweetheart, a lil mean at the end but a sweetheart nontheless.

read sex education here!

Three months of being in an actual commitment with Jeon Jungkook, your brother's partner in crime since the young age of five and, therefore, a common denominator throughout your childhood and teenage years, has proven to you a few things you never knew you would discover about the boy himself: Jeon Jungkook is definitely not what you thought him to be.

You thought growing up with him would've been enough telltale about everything that made Jungkook be, well, Jungkook. He wasn't as immature as you had believed prior to the beginning of your relationship, he was funnier than you remembered -although maybe you found him funnier now that Taehyung wasn't in the picture to interfere with infantile inside jokes that you never were able to grasp-, and smarter than he had ever let you known before. Although you're sure the main reason his grades had started to improve was solely you and the way you rewarded him by opening your legs everytime he passed an exam.

But above all, if there was something that had truly surprised you about Jeon Jungkook was the fact that he was truly an absolutely and undeniably softie.

You loved it. Loved the random scribbled love notes he sometimes left in your backpack before kissing you goodbye to leave for his own class, loved the Spotify playlists he made exclusively just for you -with genres that varied between sappy and romantic and wanting to tear your 'wet ass pussy' in two-, loved the late night texts filled with emojis telling you how much he missed you when both of you were too busy doing assignments and studying to see each other -even if it hadn't even been 48 hours since you last saw each other-. You loved how careful and sweet and thoughtful he was. You really did.

But.

"Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah." His mouth falls open and you supress a laugh. You really shouldn't be enjoying this so much, but there's something about Jungkook's reaction to his ego being bruised and that terribly adorable pout on his face that just makes your insides tingle with joy.

"What do you mean? I've had plenty of girls in bed before you, like a whole lot, and none of them have ever called me boring! They loved this adventurous and fun dick, alright? Why do you think-" you raise a brow, scrutinizingly. It still amazes you how with just a simple expression and no words needed, you can make all color from Jungkook's face banish and how quick he is to reach for your hand across his bed. "But I only love youuuu, and you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and my dick like, baby, have I mentioned how head over heels I'm for you?"

"Only like five times today." rolling your eyes again, you pull your hand from his to toy with the peperoni piece on your slice of pizza. Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, he was starting to get truly concerned now. You couldn't possibly...?

"Are you not satisfied? I mean, do I not make you feel good or...?" there's clear worry in his voice and that makes you meet his eyes, shaking your head hurriedly. Now it's you who take his hand in yours.

"No! No, babe. I love sex with you! I love everything you do to me, I love how you treat me, I love how you make me feel. I'm a hundred percent satisfied, I swear, It's just..." you sigh, dropping your gaze to rub slow and reassuring circles to the ink adorning his skin. "All I'm saying is... I may also want to experience what all those girls have experienced with you, y'know... the not so vanilla stuff. But you always seem to be scared to try new things with me, and I don't know if it's because of m-"

"Baby," Jungkooks soft voice calls out to you, removing the pizza box in between the two of you to slide closer to you on the mattress. He craddles your face with his fingers, tilting your chin up to make eye contact with you. "_____, don't say that. I just don't ever want to cross any boundaries. I don't want to hurt you or do anything you might not like or regret later, you know that, right?" placing a small kiss on your lips, you hum in content nodding your head yes.

"I know that." you pull him for another brief kiss, oddly not caring about the faint taste of garlic and spice on them because that's what love will do to you. "But what if I do want you to hurt me? What if I want you to fuck my mouth with no mercy until I cry and slap my face after you've cum all over it while you call me a slut?" you pause, eyes meeting his through your eyelashes. "Or viceversa."

It's not that Jungkook is afraid. Because Jungkook is afraid of nothing in this world. He will murder any spider in his way, he will throw a punch to anyone who denies mint chocolate ice cream as the superior ice cream flavour -and he knows that means he will have to literally fight like the entire population on planet earth-, and he will Rey Mysterio you if you ever discredit or deny his incredible skills playing Overwatch.

Jeon Jungkook prides himself in being fearless in every aspect of his life. Except when it comes to you.

So yeah, maybe he was a little afraid. Because hearing you use the words 'choke', 'slap' and 'slut' in the same sentence did things to him that he didn't deem possible considering none of you were newbies anymore to intimicy. You have been together for three months, for God's sake, but you still made his cock twitch like the first day and he's sure in twenty years you'll have the exact same effect on him.

He didn't want his most primal instincts to overpower the respect and love he'd harboured for you since you were kids because at the end of the day, one, you were still his best friend's little sister, two, he appreciated you too much to ever cross any lines, and three, as cliché as it sounded, you were nothing compared to the girls he had been with previously. What he feels towards you cannot be compared to anything he had experienced before.

And fuck, was he in a predicament. Because you made him weak in his knees for you and you were not even aware of it. You were not aware of how badly he has wanted to explore and take things way further, way out of both his and your comfort zones. But he's terrified. He's terrified because all he wants is to to take care of you and what if he fails at the one thing he's swore to himself? What if he lets the darkest side of him consume him and at the same time consume you? What if he does actually hurt you, not just psichologically but also physically?

He would never be able to forgive himself. And neither could Taehyung.

And that, was also tormenting him.

Taehyung seemed fine with the two of you dating -or at least that blow to Jungkook's face seemed to ease things between them-, but Jungkook is not dumb and has felt his best friend slowly distancing himself.

Sure, they were still best friends and will ever will. Taehyung is loyal to Jungkook and Jungkook is loyal to Taehyung. Has been that way since they were five and that will not change just because Jungkook's caught feelings for his little sister.

But the phonecalls were not as often and not as long as they used to be; in rare occasions Jungkook could sense a certain type of awkwardness between them that really had never happened in their friendship, and sometimes Taehyung's jokes seemed to hold more truth than lightheartedness.

And to top it all off, Jungkook's dilemma regarding you was eating him alive and, usually he would turn to Taehyung for girl advice, only to later realize he was also frightened of doing that.

But a Friday night at 2 a.m, Jungkook decides he can't take it anymore.

"Sup, man." Taehyung's voice answers Jungkook's phone call on the second ring, like he always does.

"Hey, bro." Jungkook clears his voice, suddenly feeling self conscious. "Are you busy?"

"I don't know," his friend seems to be chewing on what Jungkook bets is red Skittles -yes, only the red ones- because he just knows him too well. "Are you busy still fucking my little sister?"

Taehyung chuckles at his own joke, but Jungkook doesn't. He knows there's no malice, but he can't help to think there might be. He settles for a sigh. "Yeah." he can hear some shuffling on the other side and the clicking of a computer mouse. Jungkook would also bet he was playing Among Us and he would lie if he said he wasn’t disappointed he hadn't called him to play with him. "Y'know what, it's not even important, I'll just call y-"

"Come on, man. You haven't even laughed at that and you usually laugh at everything I say even when no one else does." Taehyung swirls in his chair, his attention fully focused on his best friend. "Seriously, what's bothering you." Jungkook takes a deep breath, rubbing the side of his face.

"It's about _____."

"_____? As in, my little sister? Who you're fucking?"

"Tae, dude-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Go on." Taehyung stiffles a laugh and waits patiently for Jungkook to continue.

"She um... Fuck, I hope this isn't weird, dude. I really do. She wants to like... rough it up in the bedroom, I guess? And I just... I don’t know... I'm terrified dude." There's silence filling the gap between Taehyung and Jungkook and Jungkook almost feels like throwing up.

"You're coming to me for sex advice... about my little sister?"

"I know, dude but... Who else I'm supossed to talk to? Jimin? Hoseok?" Jungkook sits up on his bed, an ugly knot beginning to form in his stomach. "I mean, you're my best friend," Jungkook swallows again, voice cracking. "...right?"

It's Taehyung's turn to sigh after a few seconds before he replies. "Forever and always, bro." His tone settles Jungkook's uneasiness. There's nothing but honesty in it. "Listen, Guk. I really don't know what kind of advice to give you because, literally, ew. But I do know my sister, and if that's what she wants and she's communicated with you about it, it’s because she trusts you. And I trust you more than anyone in my life. So there you go, man."

Relief washes all over Jungkook's body and he lays back on the bed again, heart not beating as hard as it was a few seconds ago.

"Thanks, dude." Jungkook smiles. "Sorry for calling you so late."

"No problem, bro." Taehyung smiles as well, swirling his chair back to his computer screen. A weight of his own being lifted. "Among Us next time?"

"Yeah, I'll let you know. Good night, bro."

Taehyung calls Jungkook's name before he can hang up. "Hey, man?"

"Yeah, man?"

There's a pause between them and then Taehyung speaks. "I love you, man."

Jungkook supresses the threat of tears about to spill because he knows Taehyung would try to bruise his other other eyebrow if he ever found out. Or hug him to death. Or both.

"I love you too, bro."

"This reminds me of the first time you gave me a blowjob." Jungkook chuckles, watching you get down on your knees between his spread thighs, make up free and sporting a similar low messy bun as that time he's mentioning, except this time you're wearing one of his hoodies engulfing your smaller frame. Proof that this time around, you're exclusively his and no one else’s.

"You mean the blowjob of your life." you giggle as you reach out to pull down his sweatpants, deligthed to see he decided on not wearing any underwear. Your spit on the back of your hand and immediately wrap it around the base of his rock hard cock while his own darts out to push the strands falling down your face behind your ear, heart eyes emoji looking down at you looking up at him.

Your tongue swirls around the tip timidly, swallowing the drop of precum oozing as he sighs heavily and lovingly. "Every blowjob you give me is the blowjob of my life." he unties your hair from the band holding it together because he prefers his fingers to be the hair tie, prefers to be the one to guide the bobbing of your head up and down his dick.

You hum in appreciation against him, cherry balmed lips wrapping fully around the head of his cock and he hums back. "Love seeing you on your knees for me with your pretty mouth stuffed, fuck." You take him deeper, closing your eyes.

Your hand moving accordingly to your mouth and your panties already wet, clinging to your folds. It's really not your fault Jungkook is the most delicious eye candy on earth and how fast can the mere sight of him make your pussy lips quiver. You slurp around the head obscenely , a moan of yours mixing with a moan of his. "Hands on your back."

You obligue, removing your hands and growing excited at the dominating low tone his voice exerts. The grip he has on your hair tightens and controls your motions, pushing you further down his dripping shaft until your nose hits his pubic bone. He holds you there, his own eyes closing shut and his dick twitching insde your mouth. A thrust of his hips make you gag and has one of your hands flying to tap his leg two times, letting him know you were in need for air.

He releases you, pulling you back until his cock is pulsating in front of you. He looks down at you, both breathless but the difference is you look so messy. Eyes watery, chest moving heavily and saliva leaking from your lips.

Yeah, there was a reason Jungkook hasn't been like this with you before. The sight of you submitting completely and looking so nasty was too much for him to handle. He might never want to see you any other way than this.

"Isn't this what you wanted, huh?" the free hand that had been supporting his weight on the matress grasps your face harshly, making you lock eyes with him.

"I thought you wanted me to choke you with my cock like a little whore?" you nod your head eagerly, unable to form words. Your pussy throbs, prompting you to rub your thighs to get some sort of relief as his thumb smears the spit adorning your lips. You're quick to envelop it in the warmth of your mouth, an involuntary moan leaving your throat. "Such a pretty slut," he lets his cock slap against your cheek, removing his thumb to move his hand back to his previous position. "Open again."

You do, his length entering your mouth again -that you gladly accept- and then he's shoving you down by your hair. "Shit, gonna fuck your mouth so good..."

And he does, not holding back anymore, his hand thrusting your head along his shaft until your throat tightens around him repeteadly, struggling for breath. But you take it, you take the aggresiveness and the degradation because fuck, you've been waiting for so long to know what this feels like. To have Jungkook be mean and have this type of control and power over you and you're enjoying it a bit too much.

"F-fuck, I'm gonna cum, leave your mouth open." he releases on your tongue, not able to look away from the image of you with tears falling down your eyes and mouth drenched with him and your spit, some of his cum staining down your chin and the corners of your lips that he gathers with his thumb and pushes back into your mouth. He groans, watching you swallow all of it like a good girl, your tongue grazing around his digit for the remainings, gaze not leaving his. "Let me grab my phone real quick, I need to take a picture of this."

You were definitely not the jealous type.

You prided yourself on being able to recognize when your behaviours were due to your own insecurities and removing all sorts of feelings of uncertainty from your mind. You never liked toxic patterns or the glamorization of them and your relationship with Jungkook was proof. You knew relationships were supossed to be based on blind trust and faith in your partner and yours definitely reciprocated in the same way.

"So can anybody tell me why Eunha is basically all over my boyfriend right now?" you wish you could blame your state on Hoseok's weed, who's sitting on the left side of the couch right next to you at the frat party. You really wish you could have an explanation for the way your heart tugged in such a weird way and your stomach swirled dangerously until almost making you nauseous. You really tried to blame your overthinking on the joint you had just passed to your friend.

You knew it was bound to happen someday, especially considering Jungkook had always been a ladies' man and the kind of attraction from both men and women he was able to manifest, willing or unwillingly. You just never thought it would happen so soon and in such way that made you clench your fists so tight and your nails dig into the palm of your hands so painfully.

"I mean, they did have like a long fling a few years ago, didn't they?" Seulgi, sitting on your right, chimes in.

That was true. Longer than most flings Jungkook ever had before you.

"Yeah, before she dumped him." Hoseok adds.

Your eye twitches and your jaw contracts. Because that, was also true, and it was mostly what was bothering you so much.

Had it been Jungkook the one to move away from his situationship with Eunha like with most girls, you wouldn't have such a problem with the way she's shamelessly leaning towards him from across the room. Or the way she's twirling a strand of her hair between one of her fingers while battling her lashes. Or the way she's hysterically laughing at whatever he was saying, because your boyfriend was funny, but he was not that funny.

You were not the jealous type, and Jungkook definitely wasn't giving you any reason to be, because as coquettish as the blonde was being or as provocatively as she was pushing her tits into his arm, he politely keeps his distance and tries to also engage with Jimin in conversation, leaving her pouting. But that wasn't enough to not make you start seriously questioning your feminist ethics right now.

"Wait, you're not jealous, are you?" Seulgi turns to you, offering you the joint -how long had you been focusing your attention on Jungkook and Eunha to not realize it was your turn again to smoke?-. You take it, hesitating between answering right away or taking a hit before doing that. You were never a good liar. You look between your two friends who are looking back at you with their eyebrows raised.

"I-" you close your mouth and run your fingers through your hair. "Maybe? I don't know what I'm feeling and I don't like it one bit."

"Aw, babe." Seulgi squeezes your knee, eyes showing you sympathy. "Jealousy is a natural response to any relationship."

"I know..." you take the joint in your hand, taking a long drag before letting the smoke out. "I just don't want to sound like an insecure little bitch!" you whine. "I don't want to be like 'Oh, why would Jeon Jungkook, a God of the Olympus, dare give his attention to a peasant as unworthy as me!?' Like no, he's just a man. A little less mediocre than most but a man nontheless. I'm not going to doubt myself or other women just because he's more beautiful than most, and hotter, and funnier and has a massive co-" you notice you're getting carried away by the look of disgust in Hoseok's face and Seulgi trying to hold back a laugh.

"Anyways, he's lucky to have me. We're both lucky to have each other but sometimes I feel like I might be the luckiest out of the two. And seeing Eunha looking so pretty and throwing herself at him is triggering me because..." you pause to take a deep breath and lounch back on the couch. "What if he realizes one day that I'm luckier than he is and he could be luckier with someone else?"

There's, ironically, a long silence. Ironically because the sound of Travis Scott making the walls tremble is anything but, until Hoseok speaks.

"I think you feel that way because you still haven't seen how that boy looks at you, _____." and then he motions to the spot from across the room you had been observing for too long, the spot where Jungkook is now glancing at you after noticing your detectable distress, with a frown on his features.

'You okay?' he mouthes, his fist raising in the air in a thumbs up, questioningly.

Your heart jerks, and not out of bitterness or envy caused by a girl trying to get your boyfriend's attention. Because his attention is always entirely on you, no matter how many feet are separating the two of you.

'Yes' you mouth back, with a nod of your head and an encouraging smile that has formed itself on your face. He beams as well at you. Mouthes an 'I love you' and puckers his lips in a flying kiss that makes you giggle. You mimic him, your heart tight against your chest.

Hoseok is right. You have nothing to worry about.

Jungkook is in love with you. Sometimes, he thinks, he's too in love with you.

"Can't believe I'm letting you do this."

"Can't believe you're such a pussy."

Jungkook huffs in annoyance. He would smack your ass right now if his hands weren't restricted by a scarf of yours he had never seen before to your bedpost. He would also send you a mean look if his eyes weren't covered by the only tie he owned and had so generously lent to you.

When you mentioned you wanted to try this, he expected you to be in this position. Not the other way around.

He's sprawled on your bed, only his boxers covering him as your legs straddle his waist and you tighten the hold of the scarf around his wrists sternly. He winces and manages an 'Hey!' He knows you're only wearing your panties because he can't feel anything else and he's felt one of your naked tits brushing his face as you tied him up. He also tried to catch one of your nipples in his mouth as a form of punishment, to no use because you swiftly backed away from his attempt.

"I've never been a bottom before, this is new for me." he says. He really doesn't mind any of this. He's just not used to it. He knows he'd be lying if he said it didn't turn him on a little bit, even if he'd rather be the one to have you completely unmoving and naked beneath him. Especially now that you're skimming your nails up and down his torso.

"Mm, good to know." your lips follow the path your fingers created, from the center of his chest up, moving steadily and tracing soft kisses over his flesh.

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle." you croon, dragging your tongue from the pulse of his neck to his earlobe, nails scraping lightly over his left nipple. Jungkook shudders, air sucked in through his teeth as his mouth opens on its own. Taking advantage of this, you place a kiss on the corner of his lips before slipping your tongue inside.

He answers simultaniously, his own tangling with yours, swallowing each other's moans. Your hips set a slow peace, clothed cad core griding over the length poking between your thighs. His hips move unvoluntarily, trying to find some sort of friction to make up for the fact that his hands are unavailable to knead your ass and pull you closer, if that was even possible.

You separate from him, raising on your knees. Jungkook whines in protest, hips buckling up from the mattress to try to meet yours again.

"Jungkook, I'm serious, stay still!"

"I take it back." his voice shaky and hands straining against the tight hold the scarf you tied around has on them. "I don't like this. Untie me so I can fuck you, babe." he complains. You sit on his tiny waist, your thighs trying to stop his movements.

You take a moment to assess him. He looks too beautiful for his own good: hair courtaning his forehead, biceps bulging and abs flexing. You can't see his eyes but you know they might be glassy. You bite your lip to supress a whine of delight. You almost consider doing as he says. Almost.

But you mantain your ground. Your jealousy from the other night had been crawling slowly from within these past few days and since you couldn't take it out on Jungkook any other way because he really wasn't to blame, you figured you'd try something new to punish him and let some of your supressed anger vanish.

Twisting your body back to pull down his boxers, not all the way, just enough to have his cock springing free from the confines of the fabric and slapping against your asscheeks.

"Has toxic masculinity seriously polluted your brain so much you can't take this seriously?" you fall forward, one of your hands balancing you beside his head as the other wraps around his neck, a tentative hold not yet to constrict his breathing.

He gulps, his body's tense and his Adam's apple is prominent under your touch. All he can see is black but he'd do anything to watch your pretty tits bouncing in front of his face. "I don't like this conversation either." he pouts.

"Then why are you so hard?" you grin, holding yourself back from laughing as he hesitates for an answer. You lean closer, mouth against his ear as you whisper. "I'm so wet right now, I could take you just like this. No lubrication at all and my pussy would just swallow your dick." Feeling his girth still between your ass flutter, clearly affected by the sultry tone of your voice. You remove your hand from his neck seeing as he has stopped moving obediently. Reaching back, you slide your panties to the side and align your entrance to the head of his leaking cock.

"Fuck, baby, please~" Jungkook's pleads fills the air, hips desperately back in motion and sliding just a few inches inside your drenched heat. The warmth envoles him instantly, your pussy pulsates around him and neither of you can't help the in synch groans tearing from your throats.

"Just the tip" you lick your lips, your voice betraying you as you resist the urge to glide the rest of his lenght inside your quivering core.

"Just the tip, my ass."

Out of sudden, Jungkook is swiftly lifting his hips from the matress, sinking all the way in. You cry as your body jumps forward, face hidden in the juncture of Jungkook's sweaty neck. His thick cock stretches you out as nice and deep and perfectly as he always does. You mewl. This was not supossed to happen at all.

"See? This is what you really wanted." you can hear the chuckle threatening to spill from his lips, anger starting to boil inside of you again.

Regaining a little bit of your lost control, you lift yourself on your trembling knees and sit back again, the tip of his dick hitting your cervix. You groan in unision, placing your hands on the hard planes of his chest and steadying yourself to try to reclaim your dominance. Finding it troublesome, because Jungook is set on having it his own way, his thrusts meeting yours in perfect synch.

You really shouldn't feel your climax approaching so soon but somehow battling for control while bickering with Jungkook is about to send you over the edge and that's making you even more annoyed.

"I swear to God, Jungkook. If you don't stop moving and shut the fuck up..." your murmur through gritted teeth, jaw slackened and eyes fluttering shut.

"What?" he spats, breathing rugged and voice coarse. "If I don't shut up, you'll wha-"

The sound of a sharp smack echoes inside your room and Jungkook's movements freeze on the spot. His head is turned to the side from the impact, and a faint print of your fingers is adorning his already stinging cheek. None of you mutter anything for a few seconds, until concerned words start to rush out of you.

"Ohmygod, Jungkook, I-"

"Did you just slap me?" Jungkook is unmoving, his mouth agape and you can picture the incredulous expression his eyes might be oozing. "Baby, what the fuck?!" You're mortified. Your hands cover your mouth and your eyes, wide open, stare down at him although he can't stare at you back.

"Babe, I don't know why I did that, you wouldn't stop talking and I know that's not an excuse but it-"

"It was fucking hot." a breathy laugh in disbelief leaves his chest. Your forehead creases, hands falling down to your chest to try to steady your incessant heartbeat. His tongue darts between his pearly teeth, a smug smirk on his features. An eyebrow of yours raises as you size him up, the realization that his body is completely motionless now hitting you.

Lurging forward, you pinch his jaw between your fingers, your hips carry on their grinding on their own accord. He releases a raspy moan, your walls clenching around him as another hit strikes his cheek, softer this time.

"You gonna be good to me?" you mutter against his lips. He nods slowly, his mouth salivating as your hips swirl on top of him. He blindly tries to reattach his mouth to yours, but you dodge him, going for the skin of his clavicle instead. "Can I fuck you slow like this until you're filling me with your cum?" He squirms when he feels you sucking a pretty purple bruise on his flesh, your cunt dropping all the way down his cock, leisurly grinding against his pelvic bone, looking yourself to find some relief to your clit.

"Ah!" his head tilts back, back slighlt arching as you soothe the mark on his neck with your tongue. "That m-might be s-sooner than you think, babe" he admits timorously, swallowing the lump in his throat, the veins on his neck on full display.

You sigh in content because, thankfully your orgasm is also closer than he thinks it is. "M-me too-" you gasp, your face buried on his shoulder, letting your fingers brush his ebony hair, nails gently scrapping his scalp as you keep the tortuous movements of your hips against his, his girth hitting that spot just right everytime until you feel the knot in your tummy finally snapping. "C-cum, J-Jungkook, I-m-"

Jungkook doesn't need to be told twice because he has been holding back from it for a while now, not really willing to admit he was enjoying this as much as he was. With a thrust of his own fused with the way your pussy is tightening around him it's enough to send him over the edge, an unpredicted cry emanating from his vocal chords harmonizing with your own, his whole body tensing as your walls milk every single drop of his cum.

For several minutes you stay just like that. Jungkook's hands still tied, blindfold still on, his mouth still agape as his chest rises and falls until his breathing becomes steady again. And you, on top, your fingers tangled in his dark locks, your breath fanning against his neck and his release dripping down your thighs. You stay like that until your body starts shaking with uncontrollable laughter.

Jungkook tilts his head towards yours, eyebrows furrowing and eyes still covered.

"What was that noise?" you manage through your giggle fit. "'Aaah!'" You've never made a noise like that before, I can't- it was so funn-"

Even while still being strained and blindfolded and with you making fun of him, a loopsided goofy smirk starts making an appearence on Jungkook's features.

Fancy dinner parties were never your thing.

Wearing heels that were too high -specifically to try to match Jungkook's height-, a new expensive dress that you were surely going to return as soon as the event was over because you definitely could not afford it and socializing with Jungkook's clique was definitely not the way you envisioned your Saturday night going.

At least Jungkook had barely been able to keep his hands for himself at the sight of you wrapped in emerald green silk and lace. But even that couldn't make you feel less uncomfortable and out of place.

Yugyeom, one of Jungkook's friends, had definitely more money than your boyfriend had previously let you know. Apparently, being a 'lil rich' as Jungkook had mentioned meant booking a luxurious restaurant to hold a dinner party with at least fifty people who looked just as 'lil rich' as Yugyeom's Gucci tuxedo.

'It'll be alright babe. Yugyeom always insists on celebrating his birthday like it's an Oscar after party. We'll just eat some of that disgusting caviar and then head home to watch Netflix, I swear'.

And yes, caviar was gross, but so was the fact that Jungkook had failed to mention a certain someone would also be making an appearence.

After introducing you to a few of his friends and realizing that Mingyu's frendliness and amiability helped you feel more relaxed, he had excused himself to the bathroom, leaving you and his friend to entangle in a heated conversation about How I Met Your Mother's finale season.

You were thankful for Mingyu's humble nature and easygoing talk for a few minutes until you finally spotted your boyfriend making his way back into the room, stopping in his tracks to acknowledge a group of friends from his class.

Again, you wouldn't have such a problem with a certain blonde if she would just stop looking at Jungkook with stars in her eyes and pressing her cleavage against him while playing with her hair. It was hard to keep track of your conversation with Mingyu while Eunha was standing right next to your boyfriend and seemingly ogling up at him. It was also hard to not let your mind waver to dangerous territory when you took notice of how disgustingly good they looked together.

Just two attractive people who would look disgustingly good together.

Mingyu's voice makes you turn back to him.

"...I don't know, like, Barney was a womanizer until Robin, you know? He changed for her! They were just perfect for each other, but they had to throw it all away by killing the mother and then making Robin marry Ted? And Barney going back to his old ways?" Mingyu sounds exhasperated and you would laugh and find it cute if your stomach wasn't tugging again in a way that made you regret drinking so much wine so fast. Specially after his last statement.

"That's what I'm saying." you mumble, turning your attention back to your boyfriend in the crowd.

Jungkook wouldn't go back to his old ways. He loves you. There's nothing to worry about.

But as you watch him start to make his way towards you, you also watch the way Eunha grabs the sleeve of his blazer to pull him back. She leans in, whispers something in his ear to which he just shakes his head, says something that it's impossible to decipher from here you're standing and simply walks in your direction.

Still, as much as you tried to be neutral and objective and not a 'jealous little bitch', it's almost impossible to hide the sour expression on your face. It's impossible to unclench your jaw throughout the entire evening or lose the too tight grip on your glass of wine. Even when Jungkook whispers in your ear if you're okay, you merely nod yes. You avoid eye contact with him and everytime he tries to slip your hand into his, you dodge him it by wrapping your arms around yourself, claiming how cold it is.

Jungkook is not dumb.

He know something's up but he's also not stupid enough to cause a scene in public or preassure you into talking. So he settles on wating and being patient. Even as he slips his jacket on your stiff shoulders with pouty lips and his eyebrows drawn together, all he does is press a small kiss to the back of your neck. It takes all power within you to not throw yourself in his arms.

But as midnight approaches and it's time to leave, you notice a change in Jungkook's behaviour as you say your goodbyes. His hand on your back is not just a soft caress, instead, his fingers pull you closer, dig into your skin as he drags the both of you to where his car is parked. Now it's him who avoids your gaze. His tensed jaw and his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek is a visible indicator that Jungkook is pissed.

You know his body language as well as he knows yours. And now, as he opens the door of the passanger seat so you can slide in, the guilt and the remorse of acting cold towards him for hours is finally dawning on you.

"Are you going to tell me now what was that about?" when he closes his own door shut, he doesn't bother to put his seatbelt on. Just grips the steering wheel as he turns to you.

"I-I don't know what you're t-"

"You don't know what I'm talking about?" he laughs, not a bit of humour in it. "I know scenes like this make you feel uncomfortable but I actually thought everything was going fine. I leave you for five minutes with Mingyu and when I come back, you won't look at me, won't touch me, won't act like I'm your boyfriend. Like I did something wrong. So please, _____, tell me, what's going on?"

You know there's no excuse for the way you acted. You know it's not Jungkook's fault he attracts attention and it most definitely not his fault if an ex of his is still hung up on him. You know it's your own fault and you know you should not try to excuse yourself and fight back. You'd swore to yourself you'd push down any feelings of jealousy deep inside until they disappeared. But something about tonight makes you explode.

"Why was she being all over you?"

Jungkook's face twists in confusion. "What? Who?"

"Eunha! Who the fuck else? She was all over you a few weeks ago at Minghao's party, and she was all over you tonight!" your voice is louder than you would've liked but at this point all you care about is letting it all out.

"This is what all of that was about? Eunha?"

"Yes! I've seen her on campus as well! Always trying to get your attention! I don't care that you have friends in common, but specially tonight, she whispered something to you and she was looking at you like she-"

"Who cares how she looks at me? All you need to care about is how I look at you because the only thing I care about is how you look at me!" Jungkook exclaims, clearly exhausted of this conversation.

You sink in your seat and look away as the knuckles on his hands turn white from gripping the steering wheel.

"_____," he calls you gently, but his voice mantains a stern tone to it. "We don't do jealousy. I thought we were supossed to trust each other blindly. Have I not proved to you how sickenly in love with you I am? Do you not trust me and what I feel?"

"I-... Of course I do. I-just... I don't know. You're right. That was uncalled for." you wrap yourself in the warmth of Junkook's blazer, trying to make his scent wash away any ugly resentment and guilt in your body.

"Wanna know what she said to me?" a rethorical question, because he was going to tell you anyway. "She asked me if I was going to stay for Yugyeom's after party, way past midnight. Wanna know what I said?" he turns to you. "I said no, I'm spending the night with my girlfriend."

None of you say nothing after that. He just puts his seatbelt on and starts driving. It's not too much of a far drive to his dorm, but the silence and the awkwardness makes it feel so much longer than it should be. You don't remember the last time Jungkook was mad at you. Actually, you don't think Jungkook has ever been mad at you. He loved the banter, loved to tease you, loved being competitive with you. But you had never seen him being avoidant of you. And that feeling tears your heart on the seat of his car.

"Are you mad at me?" you ask, voice barely audible, when the car stops at a red light. His dark eyes meet yours, his face immediately softening as he studies your expression. Then he picks one of your small hands in one of his big ones, brings it to his lips and lightly kisses your knuckles. He communicates with his eyes what he doesn't with words and it's enough to make you feel secure, at least for now.

When you finally arrive at Jungkook's room, he holds the door ope for you and lets you walk in, but he's still unusually quiet. So much so, you start to worry you might have fucked up big time.

You stand there, not knowing what to do as you watch him sit down on his bed, slipping his shoes and socks off and loosening the tie around his neck. His hair, that was perfectly styled a few hours ago, is now messy by the amount of times his hand has pushed it back. He looks too yummy, and you hate the fact that tension and a little bit of fighting has managed to make him look as delectable.

You ignore the heat starting to form in your belly because now it's not the time to be horny. Not when you still need to apologize and make things right. He's rolling the sleeves of his black shirt down his forearms when you decide to speak.

"Jungkook, I'm very sorry." you start, as you remove his blazer off you and place it on the chair right in front of his desk. "I don't know why I acted the way I did. I dont get easily jealous and I really don't think I am but..." your throat constricts your words for a moment. "The more I love you, the more frightened I get when I think that one day you'll realize I'm better off as your best friend's little sister. I-I dont know what I'd do with myself if that ever happene-"

"Take off your dress." Jungkook's impassive voice and emotionless face startles you and you freeze on your feet.

"What?"

"Did I stutter?"

His elbows rest on his knees and he's holding your stare with his. His doe eyes lack that free spirited and amusing glint they usually have. He looks bored, scrutinizing you. He's not challenging you. He's commanding you because he knows you will obligue.

That's why you gulp and slowly slide the straps of your dress down your arms until the fabric pools at your feet. His eyes waver along your naked breasts, nipples perking up like the mere intensity of his gaze is ordering them to. He doesn't make a move and doesn't say anything for a few seconds. He doesn't compliment you like he normally would at the sight of you almost naked in front of him.

His lack of words make you feel insecure, regardless of how turned on you are. You're used to Jungkook being reassuring, you're used to his lighthearted jokes and his playful kisses in the bedroom. But you're not used to Jungkook telling you what to do and keeping his distance while doing so. Your arms move on their own to hide yourself.

"Don't. If you hide from me, I swear to God, _____." he watches you as you let your arms fall back to your sides, your chest moving up and down while you struggle to breathe. You can't deny Jungkook's gruff voice and his eyes studying every bit of skin available to him like he hasn't seen you naked before is not making your underwear stick to your lower lips.

"JK, I just don't think this is the right moment to-"

"On my lap." your heart skips a bit, a thrill of excitement coursing through your veins.

"Jungkook-"

"I said, get on my lap, face down." he says again, this time slower. One of his eyebrows quirk up. "Or would you rather me drag you myself? Or make you crawl?"

Your eyes widen, and your feet are quick to approach him. Your nipples tingle, your core is throbbing and your cheeks are adorned by a beautiful blush that Jungkook doesn't miss.

He doesn't move until you're in front of him, just to help you lower yourself on his lap, your cheek and your nipples touching the mattress and your ass up. You close your eyes when Jungkook skims his fingertips over your skin, his carressing relaxing your body until he eases your nerves a bit. He sighs when he notices the way that poor excuse of a thong sticks between your folds as his strong hands massage your buttcheeks.

He's taking his time, his fingers gliding over your soft skin, his breathing too calm for your liking. Until one palm of his hand collides sharply against your right cheek, sending your body forward. You gasp, the stinging making your body want to pull away. But he's quick to catch both your wrists behind your back, keeping you in place.

"Jungk-!"

Another smack, this time harder, on the same cheek.

"Did I give you permission to talk?"

Smack. This time on the left cheek. Your back arches on its own will, presenting more of your ass to him unwittingly. Your eyes squeezed shut and bite the inside of your cheek as you rub your thighs together. You keep quiet as his hand lands another blow on your ass.

"That's a good girl. Now," his voice is gentler this time as his hand soothe your reddened cheeks. "do you think what you did tonight was okay?" you say nothing, only a mewl slips past your lips. Another smack. "Answer me."

"No." you lick your lips, anticipating more.

"Do you think it was funny to pull a stunt like that?"

Smack.

"N-no!"

"No, it wasn't. Spread your legs for me." you do as you're told and he finally pulls down the drenched piece of lace down your thighs. He leans forward, spreads your cheeks with one hand as he lets a glob of spit fall directly into your lips. He makes you gasp when his fingers start sliding up and down your folds slowly.

"I've had to put up with this kind of behavour since the day you begged me to fuck this tight, virgin pussy like the little slut you are." you whine, face red as humiliation starts to creep in. Jungkook slips one finger in, pumping it slow and easy. Your hips move to take him deeper.

"I tried to be a gentleman, you know?" he says, adding a second finger. "I've tried to treat you nice and sweet and be the best boyfriend I could be to make you happy and keep you satisfied in every sense of the word." his thumb finds your clit, rubbing tortuous circles.

"Been compeletely whipped since I kissed you for the first time. Haven't looked at other girls because I just can't when I have everything I want to look at right in front of me." murmuring, he starts to get lost your pussy and how it swallows his fingers and how obscene you look and sound, dripping right on his trousers. He watches his fingers moving in and out, almost hypnotized. "Yet, somehow..." he pulls away. You whimper in protest.

"Somehow, you still seem to doubt me." His hand smacks your cheek again, wet fingers spreading your essence all over your skin.

"P-please, please." you cry. You miss Jungkook's sadistic smile before he releases the grip on your wrists, still keeping you on his lap. Both his hands spread your cheeks now, and another glob of spit falls right into your asshole. His fingers find your cunt again, easily taking you almost over the edge.

"If you could only look at yourself right now... All spread out for me like a needy whore in heat" his thumb teases your unexplored rim, hesitantly, coating it with his spit and your own arousal. He presses in slowly. You gasp, your body tenses and Jungkook stills his movements immediately. There's silence for a few seconds.

"Too far? Should I stop?" and there's your Jungkook, concern lacing his voice. His free hand caresses your back, your body relaxing, laying back down obediently. His fingers are still inside you and his thumb is still asking for entrance. He leans forward, placing a small but comforting kiss on the bruised skin of your right asscheek.

"Go on." you whisper, but he doesn't move right away. This time, it's his own body that tenses momentarely before going back to his tranquil demeanor. He breathes through his noise as his fingers pick up where they left off.

"Yeah?" you swear you hear him swallow a lump in his throat. "Gonna let me finger this tight little ass like a good slut? Mm?" his thumb slides deeper, slightly stretching you out while his fingers work your pussy in a solid rhythm. "Gonna let me stretch you out little by little until I can open you up with my cock one day?" his movements speed up, fingers sliding out of your cunt to play with your clit and his thumb slowly moving in and out. "You don't wanna talk now? You just want to stay silent while I fuck your ass and-"

And then you're cumming, so unexpected it takes both of you by surprise. Your hands grip onto Jungkook's sheets, your thighs clasp around his hand as you scream his name. He doesn't stop though. He rides you through it, encouraging words mixing with filthy insults that prolong your orgasm until you're squirming beneath him.

"Shit, baby... My hand is soaked." he mumbles, as he slowly removes his fingers and thumb from you. "You okay?"

You faintly nod your head yes, not able to find words through your dry mouth and your pussy still convulsing.

"Good. Get on the bed. On your hands and knees."

You somehow manage to slip from his lap and position yourself as he says. Except your arms and legs are shaking. Although the sound of Jungkook undoing his belt and his hands gripping your hips and bringing you towards him until the head of his dick is at your entrance is enough to make you forget about how tired your body is. You surrender to him, not even bothering to hold yourself up on your arms, your fingers crumbling the sheets and your face buried into the pillow.

When his cock enters you, a pitiful moan leaves your mouth. His thick lenght slides into your heat, filling you perfectly as he always does. It's a wonder how well he fits inside you.

"Such a perfect slut for me. Always ready for me to do whatever I want with her, since day one. So tight, so ready. So, so perfect. All mine." he talks as measured as he moves, dragging each word out as his hips find a nice tempo.

Then he doesn't move for a while with his dick buried between your walls, and you know he's holding himself back. You turn your head slightly to look at him. He catches your eyes instantly. Sees your mascara running down your watery eyes, and your smudged lipstick and your messy hair and then he's giving you that look. That look that lets you know that Jungkook is, indeed, whipped for you. Leaning in, he presses his shirt-covered chest to your sweaty, naked back. His cock dives deeper, not an ounce of space between you as he lovingly kisses your cheek until his mouth finds yours.

He kisses you hard but soft, tongue meeting yours for the first time since you entered the room. Jungkook is not a man of words. He's silly, and a jokester, and finds it difficult to express how he's feeling. But when he kisses you, or looks at you, when he touches you, or when he makes love to you, even if it's as dirty and filthy as right now, he's always able to transmit exactly what he can't vocally.

He's telling you there's no other place he'd rather be than here, with you.

When he pulls back, a string of saliva still connecting your lips, his hand moves to the back of your head, fisting your hair in a tight hold that makes you arch your back and desperately moan for him.

"A-and you're mine." you sob.

It's like something snaps inside of him. He growls and suddenly his hips lose control. He nails you against the mattress, his grip on your hair pulling your head back, his lips against your ear as your cunt clenches around his cock.

"Just yours. All yours." his grunts send shivers down your spine and you're close again, even in the painful and uncomfortable position your body is in. Being at Jungkook's mercy and him being at yours is enough to have you seeing starts.

"This is the only pussy I want wrapped around my cock. Your lips are the only ones I want to kiss. You're the only one I want between my arms." It only takes two flickers of Jungkook's free hand against your nub and his next words to tip you over. "You belong to me, and I belong to you."

You squeal as you come, and Jungkook bites your shoulder to keep himself from doing so as well as he follows shortly. He fills you up with his release, but he doesn't release you from him. He wraps his arms around your frame, both your bodies becoming soft as he rolls over to one side with your back still pressed to his chest, cock still inside you. His lips find their way to the skin of your shoulder and the back of your neck. His breath fanning your flesh makes you smile.

"That is so not like my sister. I'm telling you, she never gets jealous." Taehyung says over the phone. He's munching on something again and Jungkook would bet all the money in his wallet again he's eating Skittles. Red Skittles. "So, everything cool now?"

"Yeah, man. We just talked it out, you know?" Jungkook's gaze falls on you, laying on your stomach on his bed, laptop iluminating your face, earbuds on and your head moving to whatever music you're listening to. Jungkook would bet all the money in his bank account it's Shape Of My Heart by The Backstreet Boys. Or at least that's what he's been able to guess so far. He was never good at reading lips, specially when trying to guess boybands' lyrics.

Friday's nights meant late 1990's/early 2000's pop nostalgia for you. It meant shaking his head and spending the following week trying to get Britney and Xtina songs out of his brain for him. Although lately, he hadn't been trying that hard. Jungkook sighs in content, not really trying to cover the fact that he might be looking at you like a starstruck teenager. Which, it was totally fair because that's exactly how he feels about you. "Communication is key, bro."

He keeps watching you until your head perks up and catch him gawking. You smile at him and he smiles back.

"By 'communication is key' you mean you actually fucked my little sister silly right? Bro, I swear, I'll block your numb-"

"Sorry man, gotta go."

"And now you're gonna fuck her silly again, right? You son of a b-"

Jungkook hangs up just as you take your earbuds off, making his way to you to kiss you silly.

#jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #FINALLY #took me a month to gain motivation and inspiration back!!!

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tobesolonely · 4 years ago

Text

kindergarten teachers

summary: teacher!harry and coworker y/n have a hard time coming to terms with their feelings for each other

a/n: ahhh she’s finally done! i’ve been working on this fic for sooo long and i hope u all like it! big thanks to @queencharry for helping me when i got stuck and beta reading, and @behindthatbabyface for beta reading as well and giving me feedback!! i appreciate u both <3 enjoy ~11.3k words of some mutual pining and teacher!h interacting with lil kindergarteners 🥺also i am sorry if theres any major grammar mistakes (as always) or crazy typos, i always miss some things when i go back and proofread that im sure i’ll catch later! thank u

warnings: smut, mentions of alcohol

talk to me about harry and y/n! let me know your thoughts!!

my ko-fi! thank you :)

From the time you were very young, you knew you wanted to be a teacher. One of your earliest childhood memories was going to school dressed up as one for career day. Your usually untamed hair was pulled back into a sleek bun (courtesy of your mother), and you donned a funky baby-pink sweater. For bottoms, you wore the closest thing to a pencil skirt you had in your five-year-old wardrobe. When you look back on the photographs your mother took of you that day, you did not resemble a teacher in any way. You were sure if you had not done your Career Day presentation in front of the whole class, no one would have even known who you were dressed up as.

Once you moved onto college and declared Education as a major, that was when people really started to let you hear their opinions on the career path you wanted to pursue. It seemed like whenever you went home for a holiday, relatives were always in your ear saying, “You know teachers don’t make a lot of money, right? Have you ever considered something in the sciences?”. You always responded, “I know, but what would the world do without teachers?”.

Eventually, you finished your undergraduate career, successfully completed student teaching with the highest praise from your superiors and colleagues, obtained your teaching credentials, and even went back to school to get your Master’s degree. So, it was much to everyone’s surprise when you settled on being a Kindergarten teacher. People assumed that because you completed so much schooling, you wanted to be a university professor. However, the thought never even crossed your mind. You always thought Kindergarten teachers were the most impressionable people out there and knew you wanted to be one.

To you, there was no greater responsibility than that of a Kindergarten teacher. It was your responsibility to teach your students reading, writing, art, and music at the most basic level. You showed them how to play with others, how to be kind, and give them the tools necessary to succeed once they leave your classroom. You were the first teacher your students ever had, so you needed to make them fall in love with school instead of hate it, considering they’d have to stick to it until they were at least eighteen.

You’ve been a credentialed Kindergarten teacher for the last three years, and you’ve loved every moment of it. You were one of the younger teachers at school, but you never felt left out. Your colleagues were amazing people who often shared tips and tricks they wish they knew when they first started teaching.

Now, you were groggily unlocking the door to your classroom, feeling those first-day-of-school jitters you always felt. You knew kindergarteners weren’t there to harshly critique you. Still, you wanted them to go home and tell their parents about how excited they were to have you as a teacher, not run home in tears. That never happened, of course, but you didn’t want to take any chances. You drop your keys and mutter a quiet, “Shit!” setting your travel mug filled with coffee on the ground and readjust the box of donuts you had for your kids on your hip. As you reach for your keys, you hear a deep voice ask if you need help. You quickly turn around, eyes wide from being startled.

“Oh! You scared me,” you place your free hand over your chest. “But yeah, actually, that’d be great. I’m struggling to get my door open.” The man nods, his own keys he wore around his neck jangling as he retrieves first your keys, then your coffee mug.

“I’m Harry– Mr. Styles, if you want,” he holds your keys out for you to take, your coffee mug still in his large hands. “Uh, I’m the new Kindergarten teacher.” You give him a confused look and trade the box of donuts in your arms for your keys, opening the door. “The last one, Mrs. Brown, I think it was, I guess she decided a few weeks back that she wanted to retire.” You get your door open and walk inside your classroom, turning on the lights. It was a little stuffy, considering you hadn’t been there to open any windows in about a month.

“Oh, that’s right! Welcome,” you give him a warm smile. “I’m Y/N– Miss Y/L/N if you want.” A slight blush appears on his cheeks. “We’re gonna be working together then, it seems. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Mrs. Brown, but it’ll be nice to collaborate with someone closer to my age, you know?” Harry nods, and you realize he still had your coffee mug and box of donuts in his hands. “You can just set that on my desk, thanks for helping out. Would you like a donut?”

“Um, I- it’s okay,” he stammers, setting the items down. “Sorry, it’s just that I’ll probably crash if I have a donut first thing in the mornin’.” You smile at him and move to open all your windows and the back door, wanting the stuffy classroom to air out a bit before the children got here.

“I totally get that,” you giggle, walking back over to your desk. “Are you excited about the first day? I always get a little nervous. I also talk a lot when I’m nervous, I’m sure you caught onto that.”

For the first time that morning, Harry laughs. “Yeah, I’m nervous, too. ’ve never taught in the States before, so this is a bit new to me.” He’s playing with the keys hanging from his lanyard.

“I noticed you had an accent, but I didn’t know if it was weird to ask about it. What brings you to California?” You open the box of donuts and take one out, wanting to eat it before it gets cold, and the glaze hardens.

“Uh, I went to University here, but when I graduated, I decided to go back home and teach for a couple of years. I really missed being here though and wanted to come back, so I got my credentials, and uh, here I am,” he tells you with a grin, and you notice he has deep dimples.

“Well, we’re glad you’re here,” you tell him earnestly. “The kids are just gonna love your accent, too!” you joke and Harry laughs for the second time that day.

“If all else fails, ’m hopin’ to charm everyone over with my accent,” he stares at you for a moment before speaking again. “Well, I better finish getting situated. It’s fifteen til, and I reckon the children will be arriving soon, yeah?” He asks. You nod.

“Best to be waiting at parent drop-off too, there are always a few parents that are just as nervous as their babies, if not more, and could use a quick pep talk.”

“Thanks for lettin’ me know. I was thinking about standing out there anyway, just to make a good first impression.” You take another bite of your donut, giving him a thumbs up.

“You’ve got this, Harry. I know you’re not completely clueless since you’ve taught before, but I know the first day can be a little intimidating. You know where I am if you need anything.” He gives you a grateful smile, quietly thanking you before turning to walk out the door. You’re left thinking about your new coworker, only being pulled from your thoughts of him when the first bell rings.

“Good morning everyone, my name is Miss Y/L/N. Are you all excited to get this school year started?” A chorus of high-pitched yeses fills the room, and you smile warmly at your class. “I’m so excited that you’re all here! I have a little surprise for each of you!” You grab the box of donuts and walk back to the rug in the center of the room that the children usually sat on for storytime. Little gasps fill your ears, and they all say, “Donuts!” and “Yummy!”. You smile at the kids again, already feeling overwhelmed with how adorable they were.

“We all get a donut?” one little girl asks, her eyes wide. You nod at her.

“Of course! Everyone will get a donut, sweetie.” You move to get the plastic food gloves you kept so you can safely hand out a donut to everyone. “Okay guys, I’m going to pass a stack of napkins around the room. Take one and pass the stack to the person sitting next to you. Does that make sense?” All the students nod their heads in confirmation, so you grab a stack and hand them to the child sitting closest to you. “Once the last person has their napkin, let me know, and then it’ll be donut time!” You say this over-enthusiastically, and the children squirm in their seats in excitement.

As you go around handing out donuts to each of your students, you learn their names and ask them to tell you one fun fact about them. Most children say things like, “I have a brother/sister!” or “I can run really fast!”, and you find it absolutely adorable. One thing you loved the most about teaching five-year-olds was their ability to think everything was cool. It was comforting to know that no matter what you did, they’d find you cool, and your first-day jitters quickly dissipated. As the children eat their donuts, you read them a story, putting on different voices for all the various characters. You show them how to raise their hand when they have something they’d like to share and remind them to use their “listening ears” when you or one of their classmates are speaking.

When it’s time for recess, you show them how to line up quietly at the door, and assign a line leader and a hall monitor. You remind the children that they will all get a turn at these tasks eventually because it’ll switch every week, and not to worry. As you’re walking down the hall backward (one of your teachers walks that you’d finally perfected), you hear Harry’s voice.

“Okay Room Ten, we’re gonna go out to the playground now, where you all will get to play every recess and lunch. That sounds like fun, doesn’t it?” He asks them, and you hear little voices chattering out to him in excitement. You can’t help but peek into his classroom as you walked by, as his door was open. He didn’t see you because he was busy organizing his class into a straight line, so you keep going. Your class, who, much to your surprise, was walking very quietly, got loud once they saw the Kindergarten play area had a slide and monkey bars.

“We get to play on this?” one of your students, Destiny, questions.

“Yup! This is a pretty cool play area, isn’t it?” They nod and stare at you, waiting for direction. “Oh, you can all go play and run around, get some of that energy out. When the bell rings, though, I want you to listen to the yard teachers because they’re gonna help get you all lined back up so we can go back inside. Deal?” The children give you nods and thumbs up, and you grin at them, telling them to have fun and be nice to one another. As you’re turning to go to the teacher’s lounge to refill your mug of coffee, you see Harry walking down the hallway with his class, and decide to wait for him. He gives his class the same spiel you gave yours and tells them to “Treat each other with kindness” before noticing you waiting for him.

“Hey,” he gives you a grin, looking far more relaxed than he did when you saw him earlier that morning. “How’s it going so far?”

“It’s great,” you reply, leading him in the direction of the teacher’s lounge. “They’re all adorable.”

“Yeah, don’t know what I was so nervous fo’. They’re great. Also, you’re right,” Harry has an amused look on his face. “The first thirty minutes of ’em bein’ there was just them askin’ me to say things because they think I sound funny.”

“I told you!” you exclaim, laughing at him. “A British accent is definitely not something we hear every day, not here at least.”

“I figured,” he replies, and silence falls between you. “Where are we going, by the way?”

You stop in front of a blue door and sift through the keys on your lanyard, finally finding the one you were looking for. “Teacher’s lounge. Have you had the chance to check it out yet?” He shakes his head, and you pull open the door after having unlocked it. “After you.” He shakes his head and steps back, signaling you go ahead of him. You quirk an eyebrow at him, and he gives you a defensive look.

“What? ‘M a gentleman. Ladies first,” he insists, holding the door open. You walk inside the room, trying to refrain from rolling your eyes. There aren’t many teachers in the lounge. You figure they all must be in their classrooms, trying to do some last-minute organization and lesson planning amidst the first day of school chaos. However, a few colleagues that you’re rather fond of are in the room, so you take it upon yourself to introduce them to Harry.

“Hello everyone, I hope you’re all having a relaxing morning!” They chuckle lightly at your sarcasm. “I’d like you all to meet Mr. Harry Styles. He’s the new Kindergarten teacher that took Mrs. Brown’s place.” A look of realization washes over all three teachers’ faces, and they warmly greet him. Harry goes around, shaking each of their hands, voice dripping with charm.

“Lovely to meet you all. Looking forward to collaborating,” he tells them quietly. They begin engaging in polite conversation, so you leave Harry’s side, walking over to the coffee station to get what you came for before recess was over. He joins you shortly after, grabbing a disposable cup. “They were a nice bunch.” He mutters, pouring the steaming coffee into his cup. You hum in agreement.

“Everyone here is nice. The lounge is usually much more crowded than this. Everyone else must be in their rooms,” you flick your wrist up to check the time. “We got some time to sit down and breathe for a bit if you’d like? Unless you wanted to get back to your room.”

“‘M in no rush, trust me,” he tells you, flashing you a small smile. “Let’s take a seat.” Harry walks over to an unoccupied couch and sits down slowly, taking care not to spill his coffee.

“You didn’t want a lid?” you question when you see him struggling. He shrugs.

“Not necessary. Jus’ some extra plastic,” you hum and look down at your lap. You were quickly learning that Harry was not a big talker, and he liked to get his point across in as few words as possible. Him being a Kindergarten teacher contradicted heavily with his rather bashful demeanor, but that just made him all the more endearing to you.

“Do you live nearby, or is your commute long?” you ask him after a few moments of silence. As soon as you ask the question, you internally cringe, feeling like it was too invasive. If Harry thought the question was weird, he doesn’t show it.

“I live in town. I actually walked here today, believe it or not,” he tells you with a chuckle. “Was such a beautiful morning that I figured I should.” Every time you think Harry can’t possibly get any more captivating, he does, and you find yourself biting back a smile.

“How long is your walk?” You cross your legs and then uncross them, a nervous habit that you had. Harry takes a sip of coffee, mulling your question over.

“I’d say it took me about twenty minutes. I was walkin’ at a pretty leisurely pace, though,” Harry shrugs. “How about you? Do you live nearby?”

“I also live in town, but I’m way too lazy to walk, so props to you,” you smile. “The best thing about living around here is seeing your kids out in public. It’s the cutest thing.” Harry smiles, not saying anything else. A silence falls over the two of you again but instead of feeling the need to fill it, you just sit beside him, drinking your coffee. Your mind wanders off to what you were going to do for the rest of the school day, if you had enough groceries in your apartment for dinner or if you should go grocery shopping after work, and if you remembered to pay your bills on time. The bell rings to signify the end of recess, and you jump slightly.

“Ready to go back?” Harry asks, standing up and walking back over to the coffee station. “Think’m gonna get a bit more.” You go to stand by the door, waiting for him to pour another cup of coffee. He quickly rejoins you, and the coffee sloshes a bit, some getting on his hand, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Hope those lil’ buggers got some of their energy out.”

“Right! Mine was even more hyper than they probably would’ve been ’cause I gave them those donuts this morning,” you laugh. “So, for my sake, I hope so too.” When you and Harry arrive back at the Kindergarten play area, your classes are already lined up quietly awaiting instruction, thanks to the yard teachers. You and Harry both thank them and move to stand in front of your kids.

“Miss Y/L/N,” one of your children calls out from the back of the line. “Can we get more donuts when we go back inside?” You see Harry smile out of the corner of your eye as he’s giving instruction to his class.

“There are no more donuts, you guys ate them all! I have something even cooler than donuts planned for us, though, okay? Now, remember what I told you all about walking quietly, right? Mr. Line Leader, how does your line look? Do you think we’re all set to go back inside?” The child you appointed line leader turns around to look at everyone, occasionally shushing some people. After a few moments, he turns back to you, giving you a thumbs up.

Harry moves to stand beside you, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Wanna eat lunch together and do some planning? I feel like it would be a good idea for us to be teachin’ the same things, more or less.” Your body feels warm all over, and you just look at him and nod, not trusting yourself to speak. Harry smiles and places a hand on your shoulder. At a normal volume, he says, “See you then, Miss Y/L/N.”

Upon entering Harry’s room, you’re immediately met with the scent of vanilla and the loud hum of the air conditioning. It was bright, adorably decorated, and surprisingly decluttered. It was the polar opposite of your room, and you found it very welcoming and comforting. “Nice set-up you’ve got going on in here,” you tell him. He jumps in his seat at his desk, not having heard you come in.

“Fucks sake,” he mumbles, face going red. “You scared me. Thanks, though. My sister helped me decorate, I don’t really have an eye for this type of stuff.” He rubs the back of his neck, sheepishly.

“Well, if you ever need any help decorating for back to school and your sister isn’t around, I’d be more than happy to help.” Harry smiles and suddenly gets up from his chair, offering it to you.

“Please, take my seat. I’ll just sit in one of the kids’ chairs,” he rolls it towards you, and you shake your head, about to object, but he interrupts you. “It’s okay, Y/N. Their chairs aren’t that bad.” You take the seat Harry was just in, mumbling a quiet thank you. He hums and pulls a tiny chair up beside you, legs scraping loudly across the floor. When he sits down in it, you can’t but burst out laughing.

“Harry, that chair is so tiny! Are you sure you don’t want me to sit there instead? You look so uncomfortable,” you tell him in between laughs. “This is your classroom, after all, I’m just a guest.” Harry shakes his head, cheeks flushed.

“It’s okay, Y/N, really. ‘M perfectly comfortable in this lil’ miniature chair,” he looks at the lunch bag you sat on his desk. “What’s for lunch?” You reach for your sack and unzip it, pulling out a pre-packaged salad from Trader Joe’s.

“I’m very lazy when it comes to packing my lunches,” you admit sheepishly, pulling out a fork. “How about you? Did you eat already?”

“Oh yeah, I had a green smoothie. Not a big lunch guy,” he replies calmly. “Wanna get started with planning? I think we only have about thirty minutes left.” He looks down at his watch to confirm the time. Harry opens his planner, and you see pages filled with his neat, blocky scrawl. He jumps right into talking about the ideas he had in mind, excitement filling his voice that you haven’t yet heard.

The passion and enthusiasm he has for teaching are evident through the way he tells you about the activities he has planned, new materials and teaching methods he wants to try implementing, and things he’s tried before that didn’t work out the way he wanted them to. He asks you for your advice and listens intently when you speak, jotting down notes.

You find yourself having to mentally remind yourself not to stare at him. He was a handsome man– there was no denying that. He had curly brown hair, soft and wild-looking, the most beautiful green eyes you’d ever seen, and arms covered in tattoos. You also noticed he had the tiniest cross on his left hand. You wanted to ask him about it, but you figured that was a conversation for another time.

“Y/N? Did you hear what I just said,” Harry asks, giving you a concerned look. “Are you alright? I think you just zoned out for a couple minutes or somethin’.” You nod quickly, feeling your palms growing sweaty.

“Oh yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about something I have to do later. What did you just say?” You play off how you were just wholly drooling over your new coworker, feeling scrutinized under his piercing gaze.

“Jus’ got an email from the principal. Said we have a faculty meetin’ after school at three. Wanna go together?” He asks. You know Harry’s asking you to accompany him primarily because you’re the only person he really knows so far. However, it still makes you feel warm and special. “He said we’re gonna go over some planning for the Fall Festival. What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s just the back-to-school festival. It’s adorable,” you explain. “It’s like a mini carnival that we have right here on the playground. Every year they have teachers host booths. It’s a great way to get to meet your kids’ parents and bond with the other faculty.” Harry nods, standing up from the tiny chair right as the bell signifying the end of lunch rings.

“That sounds lovely,” he chirps, smiling down at you. “We’re gonna have the best booth out of everyone Y/N, trust me.” He jokes, the corner of his eyes crinkling. This was the most Harry had talked since you met him that morning and you were enjoying witnessing him open up to you more and more with each conversation shared.

“It is,” you stand up as well, gathering your trash and empty lunch pail. “Thanks for having me, Harry. Next time we can meet in my room. I wouldn’t mind making this a daily thing.” As soon as the words came out of your mouth, you physically wince, figuring Harry had to think you were obsessed with him at this point. He looks down, the corners of his mouth upturned when he makes eye contact with you again.

“I’d like that, Y/N. I’ll actually start bringin’ a proper lunch, so you’re not the only one eating,” you smile. “I’ll meet you in your room after school?” You nod in confirmation, walking out the door in front of him.

“See ya later.”

“Did everyone have a good day today?” You ask your class, walking backward to the dismissal gate. You’re met with a chorus of cheerful sounding ‘yeses,’ and you place your hand over your heart in a dramatic fashion. “That makes me so happy, everyone! You’re all incredible little people, and I think we’re gonna have a fantastic year. What do you guys think?” The children chatter excitedly, glad to have made it through their first day of school and see their parents on the other side of the gate eagerly awaiting them, cell phones snapping pictures.

Harry’s already at the gate, waiting for the bell to ring so he can dismiss his class. He’s walking down the line asking each of the children if they see who they’re supposed to go home with, crouching down to their height so they can point them out to him. Some children in his class look a little upset because they don’t see their parents yet. Harry quickly consoles them, telling them they can all play a fun game together while they wait for their ‘Mummies and Daddies.’

You do the same with your kids, and by the time the bell rings and you finish dismissing the ones who saw someone there to pick them up, there was one child from your class who was still waiting and two from Harry’s. He walks over to you, one of their tiny hands in each of his. The boy looks unbothered, but the girl was beginning to cry.

“Hey, Ava, should we ask Miss Y/L/N and her friend if they want to play iSpy with us? The more, the merrier, isn’t that right?” He looks down at her, and she nods, looking down. You figure she’s one of his more shy students he was telling you about earlier.

“Hi, sweetie! I’m Miss Y/L/N, are you waiting for your mom or dad?” She nods, biting her lip. You turn and gesture to your one student who was waiting as well. “Well, so is she! Don’t worry, they’ll be here.”

“I’m Matthew,” the little boy holding Harry’s other hand informs you, shifting from foot to foot. You give him a big smile.

“Hello, Matthew! I love your Spiderman shirt; he’s just the coolest. Jade, do you want to introduce yourself to Mr. Styles, Ava, and Matthew? Remember when we learned about introductions today in class? When you got to introduce yourself to all your classmates?”

Jade nods, a big, toothy grin on her face. “Hi! My name is Jade, and I am five-years-old but my birthday is September 19th, so I’m actually almost six-years-old,” she tells them matter-of-factly. “It’s very nice to meet you!” She adds, remembering the script you gave them earlier. Harry looks down at her, an impressed look on his face.

“Well, it is very lovely to meet you too, Jade! Do we all know how to play iSpy?” Jade and Matthew shout in excitement, but Ava just grips tighter onto Harry’s hand. He looks down at her again. “Do y’ want Miss Y/L/N and I to show you how to play, Ava?” His voice is very quiet, slow, and soothing. She nods, letting go of his hand.

“Well Ava,” you say, looking around for something to start the game out with. “I would say, “I spy with my little eye something green. Then you, Mr. Styles, Matthew, and Jade, would have to look around and name out everything that’s green. If you name something and it’s not it, then I will tell you nope, and you can try again, but if you figure it out, then you’re the winner! Does that make sense?”

She nods, and you see a gleam of excitement in her eyes. “Can I go first?” She asks quietly. You tell her, yes, and she looks around quickly, trying to find something to say. “I spy with my little eye something blue!” She has a triumphant smile on her face, and even though you immediately know she’s talking about the sky and you’re sure Harry does too, you both decide to take a step back and let the children take the game into their own hands.

“Y’know, that lil’ introduction Jade gave was really somethin’. I didn’t even think about teachin’ my kids that. Think I’ll try that out tomorrow,” Harry whispers, craning his neck slightly to be at your ear. You shiver at the feeling of his warm breath against your skin.

“Yeah, I feel like that’s always a good first day of school activity for them to do. A lot of them have never really been exposed to people outside of their immediate family, so they’re not too sure how to talk to others.” Harry hums, standing back up straight.

“Mr. Styles,” Matthew calls, running over to Harry. “My mommy is here. Can I go now?” Harry nods, telling Matthew to wait for him so he can say hi to his mother. You watch as he walks away, overhearing as he tells the boy’s mother what a great job he did today and how he’s so excited to go through this school year with him in his class. Ten minutes later, Jade and Ava are gone as well, and Harry locks the dismissal gate.

“I forgot how exhausting the first day could be,” he tells you, letting out a quiet sigh. “Ready to go to that meeting, though? It’s just about three.” You check your watch and see the time read at 2:57 PM.

“Yeah, just let me grab my bag, and we can head over there. I’m really hoping this won’t take too long; I was planning on going grocery shopping after this,” you walk down the hall towards your classroom and feel Harry’s gaze on you.

“Where do you like to go grocery shopping?” he asks after a few moments of silence. “I need to pick up some groceries this week, too. ’ve been eatin’ takeout for the past week, and I’m starting to feel like shit.” You laugh, unlocking your door. Harry stands outside, holding it open while you grab your purse and lunch bag.

“Honestly, I don’t have a preference. I switch it up a lot,” you shrug, making sure all the windows are closed before walking out. “Was there something, in particular, you were looking for?”

“Uh,” Harry scratches the back of his head. “No? Maybe you could text me a list of all your favorite stores, though. Jus’ so I won’t forget.”

You quirk an eyebrow at him, ignoring how fast your heart was beating. “Are you asking for my number, Mr. Styles?”

“I guess I am,” he replies nonchalantly. “We’re gonna be workin’ together a lot. Might as well have your number– if that’s okay, I mean.” He looks down at you.

“Yeah, remind me after the meeting,” you tell him, trying your hardest to play it cool. “Don’t let me forget.”

“Trust me, I won’t.”

“So Y/N and Harry, you two will be in charge of the pumpkin decorating booth? Is that right?” The principal looks down at his notes and then shifts his gaze between the both of you. You both nod.

“Yeah, I’m excited! I think it’ll be a lot of fun,” you reply excitedly. “We can go to the craft store and get a bunch of paints, but where do you think the best place to get the pumpkins would be?” You pull out your planner, ready to jot down any suggestions.

“You two could try going to a pumpkin patch? They’re starting to pop-up around town,” one teacher suggests. “I’m sure if you purchased a bunch and told them it was for a school event, we could get some kind of deal.” The rest of the faculty buzzes in agreement.

“Y/N and Harry, could you get to a pumpkin patch sometimes this week and see if they can give us an estimate of how much it would cost? Then I could let the PTA know.” You and Harry confirm that it will be possible to do sometime this week, and the meeting continues on.

By the time you’re finally free to leave the meeting, it’s already growing dark outside. Harry’s hands are shoved in his pockets, and he’s looking down at his feet. “So–”

“Do you want–”

You both stop, laughing awkwardly. “You go first.” you tighten the grip on your purse.

“Uh, I was jus’ gonna ask if I could get your number now. Yanno, so we can plan when we’re gonna go get all the stuff for our booth? And you still gotta tell me what your favorite grocery stores are,” he has a playful look in his eyes. For the thousandth time that day, your hands become clammy. There was just something about every interaction you had with him that made you so nervous.

“Oh yeah,” you answer coolly, digging in your purse for your phone. “Just text your number, so I have it.” You hand him his phone, and he stops dead in his tracks, a look of concentration on his face.

“I can’t walk and be on the phone at the same time,” he mutters when he looks back up and realizes you were watching him the whole time. “I don’t know how people do it.” He hands you back your phone. “What were y’ gonna ask me?”

“I was just um, I was gonna ask if you wanted me to give you a ride home? I mean, since you walked to work today and it’ll be dark soon,” talking to Harry made you feel like a nervous school girl interacting with her first crush, and you hated that feeling.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that–”

“It’s no bother, really,” you cut him off, and you realize you sound a little eager, but at that point, you didn’t even care. “I’m sure we don’t live too far from each other.” Harry looks slightly unsure but nods, and you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“If you’re sure, Y/N. I appreciate it, I owe you one,” he’s following behind you to the teacher parking lot. You silently pray your car isn’t messy inside like it usually is as you approach it. You decide to pick up your pace and walk ahead of him, telling yourself if the passenger side was messy, you’d just quickly throw everything in the back. “Heyyyy, why’re you walkin’ so fast? Are you sure you’ve got the time to take me home?” He takes a few big strides and quickly catches up with your hurried, tiny ones.

“Yeah, of course, I have time,” you respond, unlocking your car as you approach it. “If it’s messy, then just ignore it.” you preface, honestly not remembering the state in which you left your car this morning when you walked into work.

“Don’t worry about it. You should see mine,” Harry jokes, and it immediately puts you at ease. As you’re about to open your door, Harry quickly rushes to your side, opening it himself. “Let me.”

His hand rests over yours, and you quickly pull it away, your body heating up. “Harry, I’m already right here. I can open my own car door.”

“I know you can. But I’m a gentle—“

“You’re a gentleman, I know,” you playfully roll your eyes and take a step back, allowing Harry to open your car door all the way. You couldn’t lie and say you weren’t flattered and honestly a little bit turned on. He flashes you a smile as you situate yourself behind the wheel of the car and makes sure you’re all the way in before slamming it shut. You see him lightly jog around to the passenger side, and soon enough, he’s beside you, your car immediately starting to smell like his cologne.

“What music do you like to listen to?” Harry asks, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“You ask me a lot of random questions, Harry,” you reply, looking behind you as you slowly back out.

“Is it a crime to wanna get to know my new coworker?” you can hear a smile in his voice. “C’mon. What’s your favorite music to listen to?”

You shrug, looking both ways before exiting the parking lot. “Where do you live?”

“I don’t know my address yet. Just take a left at this light coming up. Favorite music?” Out of the corner of his eye, you see him scrolling through his music library.

“You don’t know your address yet?”

“No. I’ll play something random,” he says, tapping his hand on his knee. “You can take a right at that stop sign up there.” You put on your blinker and glance over your shoulder before switching lanes. Harry quickly pairs his phone with your Bluetooth, and a song you’re unfamiliar with blares through your speakers. Neither one of you says anything else, only speaking to each other when he’s giving you directions to his house, and you’re confirming what he said.

After two more songs, Harry says, “S’right up here.” He’s led you to a beautiful apartment complex— one you were looking at when you were moving out of your parent’s home but just couldn’t afford as a new graduate. You expertly parallel park and then turn the car off, a silence falling between the two of you.

“This is a nice complex,” you tell him after a moment. “Really close to school. I see why you opted to walk to work today.”

“Mhm,” he hums. His seatbelt is still fastened. “I understand if you’re busy, but did you wanna come in?” You raise an eyebrow at him, and he quickly backtracks. “I mean— it’s just— remember the activity you taught your kids today? About introductions? Jus’ wanted to know if you could walk me through it, that’s all.”

“Oh. Well yeah, I can hang out for a bit.” You unbuckle your seatbelt and reach in the backseat for your purse that you threw haphazardly over your shoulder earlier.

“Will your boyfriend be okay with you coming in, though?” He’s chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“What makes you think I have a boyfriend?” You’re slightly taken aback and oddly flattered that he thought you were in a relationship.

“I dunno,” his face grows red. “You got all weird when I opened doors for ya. Figured you had a boyfriend.”

“I don’t.”

“Cool.” More silence falls, this time an awkward one.

“Should we go inside now?” you unlock the doors, quickly getting out of the car. Harry follows behind you and waits for you to walk onto the sidewalk before going up the walkway.

“How close do you live to me?” Harry asks, punching in his gate code. He pulls the gate open and gestures for you to go ahead of him. You decide not to comment on it this time.

“A couple blocks away. I could probably walk over here if I was in the mood to,” Harry shuts the gate behind you and walks over to the first set of stairs, taking them two at a time. “I was interested in this complex when I was moving out of my parents’ but I settled on something else.” He hums, stopping in front of the first door at the top of the stairs. There’s a brown ‘Welcome!’ mat outside his door, along with a few potted plants.

“Here we are,” he looks over his shoulder as if he’s checking if you’re still there. “Excuse the boxes. ‘M not done unpacking yet.” He pushes open the door and steps in, quickly turning on the light. You’re met with the same sweet scent of vanilla that’s in his classroom. Considering he was in the process of unpacking, his apartment was reasonably tidy.

“It looks good in here,” your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest. You were in your coworker’s house that you just met that day, and you could already feel yourself developing a crush on him. There was obviously no way you’d let this relationship progress past anything strictly professional, but that didn’t mean you weren’t allowed to admire his beauty.

“Thanks,” he gives you a smile, relief washing over his face. “You can set your bag down if you want. Take a seat, make yourself at home.” He leaves the room, and you hear him rattling around in the kitchen. “Can I get you anything to drink? Wine? Coffee? Tea?”

“Coffee sounds great,” you reply. You set your purse down on his coffee table and sit on the edge of his couch, inspecting his living room closer. There were two books on the table, both flipped upside down as a way to mark his page. There were a few more plants inside, similar to the ones in front of his door. There was a framed picture of him with two beautiful women you assumed to be his mother and sister. Harry comes back into the room a few minutes later, two steaming cups of black coffee in hand.

“Here you are, Miss Y/L/N,” he puts on an exaggerated posh accent, and you giggle.

“Why thank you, Mr. Styles,” you respond in the same voice. “Do you have cream and sugar?”

He wrinkles his nose. “I think I might have sugar. Is oat milk, okay? I don’t have cream.” He goes back to his kitchen to retrieve the items before you can tell him it’s okay, and you’ll just drink it black. You thank him, pouring the tiniest splash of oat milk into your coffee. You can feel his eyes on you as you add a bit of sugar, stir, taste, and then add some more.

“So,” you begin after your coffee is made to your liking. “What did you think about your first day? You can be honest since we’re not on campus anymore.” Harry laughs, looking down at his fingernails.

“Uh,” he starts. You notice he says, ‘uh’ a lot. “It was terrific. Not so sure I would’ve felt the same way if I didn’t have you to help me through it.”

“We’re partners in crime now, Harry. We’re the two Kindergarten teachers, and you’re the only other person there my age? We’ve definitely gotta stick together,” you give him a big smile. He doesn’t smile back but looks a bit troubled instead. You wait for him to speak, coming to accept that long pauses were just a thing when having a conversation with Harry.

“Y’know how I assumed you had a boyfriend earlier? I thought after I’d said that–– rather I hoped after I said that you’d be like,” he clears his throat. “‘Why, no! I don’t have a boyfriend. Do you have a girlfriend?’” He put on the worst American accent you’d ever heard to imitate your voice, causing you to laugh. “To which I would’ve replied with a simple ‘no.’”

Now it’s your turn to leave Harry wondering what you’re thinking for the first time all day. You can feel his eyes on you as you look at his couch cushions, noticing a bit of crumbs that you hadn’t seen before. “Are you flirting with me?”

“I think you’re beautiful.”

“You don’t even know me. We just met today.”

“Does that mean I can’t think you’re beautiful?”

You bite your lip, feeling yourself starting to grow a bit turned on by his forwardness. There was a part of you that would risk it all for just one night in bed with Harry because you just found him that attractive. The rational, adult side of you was screaming, ‘Don’t mix business with pleasure!’. By now, you had both moved closer on the couch to one another, knees nearly touching. “I think you’re beautiful, too.” He grins, setting his coffee cup down. You do the same.

“Would it be crazy of me to tell you that I really wanna kiss you right now?” His face is mere inches from yours, so close that you could smell the coffee on his breath. You shake your head.

“No. I really wanna kiss you too.”

“C’ mere, then.”

Harry leans forward a bit more until his lips are ghosting over yours. You pull at the collar of his shirt, bringing his already close body even closer to yours. His lips are softer than they look, and he’s a better kisser than you thought he’d be, too. He brings his hands up to tangle them in your hair, and that’s when you abruptly pull away, not wanting things to go too far. “We shouldn’t…” He looks at you with sad eyes, but he nods, understanding what you mean.

“Probably not the best idea?” his response comes out as more of a question than a statement, but you nod in agreement anyway.

“Definitely not. I’m um–– I’m actually gonna go,” you stand up, slinging your purse over your shoulder. “Thanks for the coffee, Harry. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see––”

You’re out the door, rushing down the stairs before he can even finish his sentence.

The rest of the school week goes on without either one of you mentioning it. It’s a little awkward for a couple of days, but by the time Friday rolls around, both of you decide the best course of action to take regarding the kiss would be to act like it never happened.

You’re in your room at lunch hanging up your kids’ artwork they made during their ‘Free Time’ this morning, having declined Harry’s lunch invitation for the fourth time that week. You decided to pretend to be busy with work so you wouldn’t be too tempted to go into his room. To most people, you’re sure it looked like you were avoiding him–– and maybe you were. However, you were trying to get over this crush on him in the best way that you knew how.

“Need some help?”

You jump, nearly falling backward off the stepstool you were on. “Holy shit, Harry! You scared the hell out of me!” You feel your body getting warm, and you quickly look away, not wanting him to see how flustered you were.

“Sorry, you weren’t answering my texts, so I decided to come see what you were up to,” he walks over to where you were standing and hands you a piece of art, smiling at it before handing it to you. “You’ve got some artists in your class.”

“Mhm,” you hum, not looking him in the eyes. You hear him let out a quiet sigh.

“Still able to go see about getting those pumpkins ordered after work?”

You had completely forgotten that you and Harry decided today would be the day you’d go get the pumpkin situated figured out for your booth. For a second, you consider making an excuse to get out of it, but you decide against it. This was something that both of you were asked to do, not just him, and you didn’t want the fact that you let your attraction to him cloud your judgment getting in the way of your professional responsibilities.

“Yeah, that works.”

He doesn’t say anything, and even though you’re not looking at him, you can see the gears in his head turning. “Should we talk––”

You’re quite literally saved by the bell, the end of lunch interrupting where you knew he was about to lead the conversation. “I’ll see you after school? Did you walk here again? I can drive.” Harry nods slowly.

“Uh, yeah. he replies. “I walked. Uh, ’m gonna go get my kids. See you after school then?”

“Yup!” you respond, fake enthusiasm in your voice. Harry gives you one more look before walking out of your room. You wait until he’s all the way down the hall before following behind him to bring your class back inside. You knew you were the one making things awkward between you and Harry. However, the realistic part of you knew getting involved with your coworker was one of the worst ideas you’d ever had in your life. For now, you’d just tell yourself that you were probably more into Harry than he was into you and pray that would be enough to make you get over your crush.

“I haven’t been to a pumpkin patch since I was a kid.” Harry stuffs his hands farther into his pockets while yours are tightly hugging your chest. You hum, not saying anything. The car ride there was a little awkward, and you were glad it was so short. You could tell there was a lot Harry wanted to say, but you were glad he wasn’t saying it. You keep seeing him glance at you, but you pretend not to notice.

“What size pumpkins should we ask for? Small ones, huh?” Harry nods, looking around in childlike awe. There was a small petting zoo, booths selling warm drinks and kettle corn, and an obscene amount of children.

You walk around together for a moment before encountering a friendly-looking employee who looked like he could help you out. Harry takes over, explaining the situation, and why you need to order one hundred tiny pumpkins. While you’re waiting for the employee to ask the owner if that would even be possible, Harry turns to face you.

“Y/N? Can we talk about what happened on Monday?” you’re about to tell him that you’d rather not, but he continues. “I felt something during that kiss, Y/N. I’m not sure if you felt it too, but I don’t want things to be awkward between us. We have to get through an entire school year working side-by-side, and if you’re not interested, then I respect that one hundred percent, but I just want––”

“So the owner said that is possible!” The employee that was helping you out comes back with a form and clipboard in their hand. “Can you just fill out some information and let us know what time you need it tomorrow? The owner said he could get it delivered and give you guys a discount since you’re ordering so much.”

“That’s great!” you exclaim, taking the form from him. You were glad to have been saved from your conversation with Harry. You quickly go through and fill out everything you can, telling them they can bill your school’s PTA.

The walk back to your car is silent. You’re replaying what Harry was saying to you over in your head, thinking about what he was going to say before he was interrupted. He opens your car door like he’s been doing, but he doesn’t make eye contact with you or say a word as he slides into the passenger seat.

“Y’can just drop me off,” Harry says quietly. He leans your seat back and closes his eyes. You wait to see if he’ll connect his phone, but he doesn’t, so you turn on the radio at a volume so low it almost can’t be heard. It takes everything in you not to speed back to his place. You just wanted him out of your car. You had such strong feelings for him that it physically hurt, and restraining yourself from telling him how you really felt was growing harder and harder.

“We’re here.” your voice is a little hoarse from not saying anything. Harry slowly opens his eyes and unbuckles his seatbelt, opening the door.

“Right. Thanks for the ride. What time do we need to be at school to set up our booth by?”

“Four. I can pick you up if you want?”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow, Y/N.” He closes the door and walks up to his gate without looking back at you once.

“Hi Miss Y/L/N! Hi Mr. Styles!”

Groups of your students had been coming up to you excitedly all evening. It made you happy to see that the Kindergarten classes were no longer divided. They were starting to hang out with one another. Their parents tell you how their children thought it was just the coolest thing to be on school grounds on a Saturday, and how even though it was only a week into the school year, they were having the best time. It was comments like this that made you fall in love with your job all over again.

Things between you and Harry were going well. It wasn’t awkward, but you think it was because you were both too busy helping children paint their pumpkins. You were glad that Harry didn’t take the bit of downtime the two of you had when no one was at your booth trying to talk about the kiss and instead talked about other random things instead. You find out he loves baking (specifically, bread), he has an obsession with old music, and has about fifty tattoos. He talks to his mom on the phone every day, and he is extremely close to his sister. You tell him about your parents’, your undergraduate experience, your hobbies, and you finally tell him what music you like to listen to.

The festival quickly comes to an end, and you find yourself sad once you and Harry are done cleaning up your booth, knowing that you were just going to drop him off at his apartment and go back to yours to spend another Saturday night alone. You get to his complex almost too quickly, and you almost want to keep going and pretend you accidentally missed it just to be with him a bit longer. Instead, you park.

“D’ya wanna come inside?” He blurts out. Even in the darkness of your car, you can tell his face is flushed. “I mean if you haven’t got plans. I know it’s a Saturday night, so I understand if––”

“Nope, I don’t have plans. I’d love to.” Your hands are shaky as you unbuckle your seatbelt. He quickly gets out of your car and runs around to your side, opening the door for you before you can do it yourself. You almost don’t even notice since it was becoming such a habit.

“I picked up this new bottle of wine a couple days ago that’ve been wanting to pop open. Think we deserve a glass or two after such a long week, hmm?” You wordlessly nod, wholly mesmerized with just how good Harry looked after such a long day of work. His curls fell perfectly across his forehead, his eyes were sparkling and full of excitement.

“A glass of wine sounds great,” you reply with a chuckle. “I’m ready to drink a whole bottle by the end of the week if I’m being honest.” Harry laughs, quickly punching in his gate code. You could see his hands shaking a little bit, but you decide not to comment on it. He takes the stairs up to his apartment two at a time like he did last time you were there, but this time there’s an urgency and clumsiness to his actions that you haven’t seen before. He jams the key in his lock, quickly shoving the door open.

His apartment is a little messier than it was when you were in it at the beginning of the week, but it’s nothing disgusting. He runs his fingers through his curls, moving aside papers that were scattered along the length of the couch. “Sorry, I was doin’ some planning. Make yourself comfortable.” He disappears to the kitchen, and moments later, you hear the pop of a wine cork and the smooth sound of him pouring the alcohol into glasses.

He emerges from his kitchen, handing you a generously poured glass of wine. “Thanks, Harry,” you tell him before taking a big sip. It was sweet, and while you usually preferred a more dry wine, it was still delicious.

“Cheers to the end of a successful first week,” he holds up his glass, and you smile, clinking yours with his. “Thanks for helpin’ me get through it, Y/N. Couldn’t have done it without you.” You give him a timid smile.

“Stop, Harry. You’re a great teacher. I can see your kids love you already,” you take another sip of wine. “I kinda do too. I mean–– that came out wrong. I don’t love you, but I do think I like you.” You didn’t know what came over you at that moment, but something told you now was the time to lay it all out on the table with Harry. He sets his glass of wine down, the biggest smile on his face.

“Really? I thought you weren’t interested. Was kinda startin’ to feel like you hate me,” he sounds a little sad. You shake your head.

“Quite the opposite, actually. I’m really into you,” you didn’t even realize how you’d inched your way towards Harry. “I’ve been trying not to think about how we kissed because we shouldn’t, you know? We’re coworkers. I’ve been trying not to think about it all week, though, and I just can’t get you out of my mind.” He stares intensely into your eyes, chewing on the inside of his cheek like he usually does when he’s thinking.

“Can I kiss you, Y/N?” he finally asks. You’re in the same position as you were last time, being mere inches away from the other’s lips. Only this time, you smell the wine on his breath, not coffee. You nod quickly, and Harry cups your face in his hands, hungrily pressing his lips against yours.

“You can do more than kiss me, actually,” you tell him breathlessly. “You can do whatever you want with me.”

Harry raises an eyebrow, a shocked look on his face. “When you say anything…” he trails off.

“I want you to fuck me, Harry,” you tell him bluntly. “Please. Been wanting that all week.” He licks his lips, looking at you in a way he hasn’t yet before.

“I can definitely do that,” he replies, resting his hand on your thigh. His large hand is dangerously close to your pussy, and you can already feel yourself growing wet. “Let’s get all these clothes off you then, huh?”

You stand up and quickly start removing your clothes. First, your blouse comes off, and that’s quickly followed by your bra. Harry’s leaning back on the couch, arms resting behind his head. “Enjoying the show?” you ask, quickly pulling down your jeans and underwear. You’re completely naked in front of him in thirty seconds flat, and you reckon that’s the fastest you’ve ever undressed for anything.

“Very much so,” he mumbles, palming himself over his khakis. “C’ mere, Y/N.” he pats his lap, and you move to sit in it, now straddling him. He softly presses his lips against yours, the hunger that was there just a moment ago completely dissipated. This was a much more hesitant kiss, more gentle and tender. “You’re really beautiful, Y/N.”

You giggle. “I know. You’ve told me that before.”

“I want you to know how much I mean it.”

“I know you do.”

Harry nods. “Can I have a taste of ya now?” you notice that his accent sounds a bit thicker than usual, voice a tad gruffer. You nod, swallowing thickly. Climbing off Harry, you lay back on the couch, situating yourself, so it’s a little more comfortable. He looks into your eyes, placing his hands on your knees. “Is this okay, Y/N?” You nod again, and he removes his hands.

“What’s wrong?” your voice has a hint of desperation in it, but after a week of extreme sexual tension, you wanted nothing more than to cum by the hands of this man.

“Wanna hear you tell me it’s okay. I don’t wanna do anything you don’t want,” he’s looking down at his hands.

“Harry, I wouldn’t have given you a striptease and laid back on this couch for you if I didn’t want it. I wholeheartedly give you permission to do whatever you want with me––”

That’s enough for him. He roughly pries your legs open, immediately licking a long stripe up your heat. You cry out, not expecting him to get right into it. You look down at him and groan when you see he’s making eye contact with you, a smug look on his face. “How’s tha’, love?” You nod, tangling your hands in his curls.

“Yeah Harry, please,” you moan. Harry sucks harshly at your clit, pulling off loudly, the sound echoing throughout his minimally furnished apartment.

“Please what, pet?” He’s looking you dead in the eyes, a devilish grin on his face while his index finger rubs small circles on your clit. Your chest is heaving up and down quickly as you try to calm your breathing down.

“Please make me cum on your tongue, Harry,” you try pushing his head back down to your cunt, but he doesn’t budge.

“Think I rather like hearin’ you beg like this fo’ me. Enjoyin’ watching you squirm like tha’, love.” Just as your about to beg for him some more to feed his inflated ego, he attaches his lips to your clit once more, this time adding his ring finger into your tight pussy. “You’re tight. Sure you’ll be able to take my cock?” His voice is muffled, and you just barely make out what he says.

You clench around his finger, and he laughs, the vibrations sending a new sensation across your clit. “Y’like thinkin’ about my cock, hmm?”

“Yeah, want you in me,” you beg, lifting your hips up. He grips onto your hips tightly, keeping you in place.

“Can feel yeh gettin’ ready for me, darlin’. Think you can take another one?” You nod, and Harry gently places kitten licks on your swollen clit while he slowly pushes his middle finger into you. You feel full in a way you haven’t felt in such a long time, and he only had two fingers in you. Once he pumps his fingers in and out of you a few times, he goes back to harshly sucking on his clit, moaning every so often so you can feel the vibrations against your cunt.

“Fuck,” you’re moaning loudly, and you pray Harry’s neighbors don’t hear you, knowing how thin apartment walls were.

“So fuckin’ wet for me, doll,” he mutters, adding another finger inside you. The burn feels amazing, and you place your hand on his wrist, urging him to go faster. “Gonna cum in my mouth, hmm? Gonna let me feel ya around m’ fingers?”

“Yes, please, Harry,” you feel yourself nearly there, your orgasm threatening to overtake you at any moment.

“Give it to me then, Y/N. Cum for me,” he demands. As soon as he says those three words, you’re done for, your body going tense as waves of pleasure roll throughout your body. He doesn’t remove his digits from the your cunt until you’re coming down from your high, placing a kiss to your clit. He laughs as you shudder at the overstimulation. Harry places his three fingers that were just inside of you and his mouth and sucks on them, not once breaking eye contact with you.

“That was really good,” you tell him, crawling on your knees towards him to place a kiss on the underside of his jaw—Harry’s beaming, a triumphant look on his face.

“Not yet. Gotta make y’ cum one more time. I’m a gentleman, after all.” You know he’s messing with you but also serious, so you lean back on the couch, opening your legs once again.

“Are you gonna take off your clothes too? Why am I the only one that’s naked?” Harry laughs, and you hear the clanking of his belt as he undoes it.

“You’re impatient, aren’t ya?” you nod, and he pulls down his tenting khakis and tight boxers. His cock springs up, slightly touching his stomach, and he hisses at the feeling. “Hold on a sec.” He gets up quickly, and you hear him hurry to what you assume in the bathroom, rummaging around. He comes back a minute later with a box of condoms, making you laugh.

“Is that a new box of condoms? Have you been holding onto those all week, Mr. Styles?” Harry rolls his eyes and opens the box, ripping open a condom expertly with his teeth.

“Weren’t you just the one beggin’ for me, pet? I’d watch it if I were you,” he jokes, rolling the condom onto his hard length. He leans down to place wet, opened mouth kisses to your breasts. “So beautiful.”

“Are you gonna take off your shirt?” you ask quietly. “I kinda wanna see all your tattoos.” Harry raises an eyebrow at you but unbuttons his shirt nevertheless, throwing it into the mess of clothes scattered around the living room. You reach your hand up, shakily tracing the swallows on his chest, moving down to the butterfly across his stomach and finally to the ferns on his abdomen. Harry’s staring down at you, watching as you delicately touch his skin. “You have so many.” you finally say. He nods.

“Yeah. Some of them I just got for the hell of it. Felt like after I got that first tattoo, it was hard to stop.” He caresses the skin on your thighs, and you shudder again. “Gonna let me get inside that pretty lil’ cunt now?”

“Please.”

Harry aligns himself with your entrance and slowly pushes into you, sharply inhaling as you clench around his length. “Relax, Y/N.’ve got ya,” he tells you reassuringly. “Can’t get inside ya if you’re all tense like tha’.” You can tell Harry’s trying his hardest not to absolutely wreck you, the vein in his forehead very prominent from clenching his jaw so tightly. You grip tightly onto his bicep, biting your lip as you adjust to his size. You were so wet and indescribably turned on that you felt every vein his thick cock had to offer, and you knew you wouldn’t last long once he started moving. By the looks of it, Harry wouldn’t either.

“You can move,” you tell him, squeezing your eyes shut. Harry slowly pulls out of you and then ever so gently sinks back inside you, bottoming out. He lets out a breathy moan, moving one of his hands up to tweak your nipples. “Harder, Harry, fuck.”

He immediately pulls out of you and slams back inside, the sounds of his balls slapping against your ass echoing in the room. You scream in pleasure, no longer caring if his neighbors hear what you two were doing.

“Like tha’?” He asks cheekily, working up a steady rhythm. You nod, gripping your boobs to keep them from bouncing. Harry shakes his head, forcefully removing your hands. “Nope, none of that. Wanna see ’em.” He takes both of your hands in one of his, pinning them up over your head. His other hand reaches in between your bodies to rub at your clit, and before you have time to warn him, you’re cumming again, squirting all over his cock.

Harry throws his head back in pleasure, his thrusts getting sloppy and frantic, and you know he’s seconds away from his own orgasm. You spur him on, telling him how badly you wanted him to come inside of you (even though he was wearing a condom). He stills moments later, shaking above you as he holds himself up with an arm, not wanting to collapse on top of you.

“Fuckin’ hell, Y/N. Why did we wait a whole week to do this again?”

#harry styles smut #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fic #teacher!h

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hwanuels · 5 years ago

Text

l.jn: just shoot your shot

summary: can jeno just be confident in himself? pls? pretty pls?

pairing: student-athlete!jeno x tutor! (fem) reader

warning: PROCEED WITH CAUTION! GRAMMAR MISTAKES! AND CRACKHEADS! ALSO CURSING! i’m back and i’m not dead so here’s some athlete!jeno that everyone was looking forward too. just a reminder, this is apart of my collab with @huangsren so check out her art-hoe! renjun and childhood-friend! chenle in our dreamies highschool au. i’m not really satisfied with this piece compared to my other two. hopefully, this still slaps. also, there will be for sure a second part to this so yuh. enjoy.

okay so let’s get this straight lee jeno is THAT guy whose in like all of the sports teams on campus

basketball, baseball, football, soccer, track and field, cross country, pickleball, etc he’s on them all

he was deadass about to join the cheerleading team just so he could have the clout of being on all of the teams

ngl imagine a cheerleader!jeno,,,hell yeah that’s my shit

but he didn’t bc he isn’t as big of a crackhead as one like to think

jeno has the reputation of the silent cold guy, but in actuality is a big FLOOF ball especially with his close friends (aka jaemin)

he’s well-liked by everyone bc he’s hecka nice once they look pass that cold exterior and he’s realllly hot.

just picture sweaty!jeno after practice using his shirt to wipe off his sweat allowing everyone to have a glimpse of his abs.

sign me the fuck up

he’s just extremely shy and socially awkward so he doesn’t really know how to interact w people when he meets them for the first time so a lot of people just think he’s that distant, angsty type

it still shocks a shit ton of people when they find out he’s best friends with the social butterfly/ fboi! jaemin but don’t get him wrong bc he doesn’t go around town breaking hearts left and right like his best buddy does

as much as jeno likes to deny it, he is a ROMANTICIST

way back in freshmen year, jeno was captivated by a teenage romance which he blames ara (from fucq-boi! jaemin au) for roping him into all those barbies and chick-flick movies.

like his heart flutters at the idea of his significant other wearing his jersey to his games or sharing a milkshake at the local ice cream parlor,,,he wants to give them his hoodie and cuddle on the couch (hopefully watching barbie princess charm school)

BABY BOY JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED !

but he doesn’t want it to be superficial like what jaemin does

he highly disapproves of jaemin’s casanova ways

jaemin is probably really glad about the bros before hoes rule bc he would have lost jeno a long time ago with all of the girls he goes through

jeno knows that love is a delicate thing and should be treated seriously which is why he’s so against jaemin’s date and ditch

and jeno wants to be in a relationship! but he can’t bc he has like NO time for the lovey-dovey highschool bs (also bc he’s highkey scared that he might ruin any relationship he gets himself into)

the boy has back to back practice from all the sports he decided to take on

on multiple occasions, different practice times interfere with each other and instead of just missing one like he SHOULD, jeno decided to take em both on at the same time

catch him sprinting from the soccer field to the football field back and forth in between break times

one time, basketball and swimming practice collided w each other so jeno thought it was smart to go back and forth from the school’s pool to the gym after he’d finish a 1000M IM set and shot at least 15 3-pointers

let’s just say he flashed a lot of people, running half-naked with only his drag suit on when he forgot to put on his sweatpants in one of his runs back and forth

art-hoe! renjun never lets him live it down much to his embarrassment

“remember that one-time jeno displayed his junk to the whole student body? good times, good times”

cue jeno throwing a pencil at renjun or chasing him down the halls

jeno’s abs were the talk of the school for at least a whole month and our boi had red cheeks every time he heard someone talk about it

because of that jeno double-checks, quadruple-checks to make sure that his pants are on before booking it to the gym to shoot hoops

ALSO

another reason why a lot of people find jeno so intimidating and hard to approach was bc of the fight that happened between his ex-friend! stoner-boi!haechan sophomore year

no one expected that the calm, seemingly unbothered jeno could throw punches that hard. it was like he transformed into the hulk or something

except jeno didn’t like the new reputation he gained over a stupid fight with his once close friend.

there’s one nasty habit that jeno can’t seem to let go of no matter how much jaemin and renjun tell him to fix

the boy holds onto grudges like there’s no tomorrow

there was one time where jaemin had to borrow jeno’s phone for something and he accidentally dropped it

“hey can i borrow your phone to call someone? mine’s dead.” jaemin asked him.

“no, last time i gave it to you, you cracked it”

“dude! it was one time”

“say that to my cracked screen”

“for goodness sake, jeno, i only cracked your screen protector!”

“still you broke it”

yeah, jaemin never got to use jeno’s phone ever again.

someone didn’t give back the pencil he lent them? he doesn’t even look in their direction until jaemin nags him enough to just let it go

which is probably why he and haechan still vehemently hate each other even though renjun and jaemin are ready to go talk things out with haechan

some part deep down insides knows he should just let it go and actually talk things out with haechan on why he initiated the fight bc haechan was once someone jeno considered as a bro

and jeno doesn’t give out bro passes as easily

he just doesn’t know how to approach haechan or if haechan would even be willing to talk it through

it’s kinda sad how the two of them don’t even look each other in the eye or acknowledged each other existence anymore

other than that jeno is practically flawless, jk

as much as he is very enthusiastic in physical education, when it comes to math, science, etc, jeno is basically flunking. like borderline passing in all of his classes

he was for sure failing math though which is a HUGE problem…bc to stay on any team sport, he CAN’T be failing a class

which is why jeno was currently spending his free period, in the library, furiously erasing his wrong answer for the problem he tried multiple times to solve. it was the first math problem on the remedial work packet that his math teacher gave him for extra practice.

even his friend, smartass renjun gave up on helping him and went to go toy around with his telescope, going on a tangent about renjun’s alien conspiracies theories.

if only jeno could have renjun’s genius brain, life would be so much easier

slamming his head on the table, jeno let out a low groan of frustration at whoever decided that it was a good idea to mix number and letters together.

“dude, can you not?” he heard someone say from next to him.

he lifted his head to take a peek…and this is where you come in, glaring at him with murder on your mind

jeno’s just staring at you and the fool does not recognize you at all

NCT High isn’t a big place either so he would have come across you once or twice, but you were simply a new face to him.

you, at this point, grew annoyed at the boy who was just shameless staring at you.

“is there something on my face?” you asked with a raised eyebrow

slowly he shakes his head ‘no’

“keep it down, i’m trying to sleep” you warned him before laying your arms now with your head resting on it, faced away from jeno.

jeno, who was awe-struck for second at your frank personality, decided that it was time to have another go at the problem and looked at it again

yeah there was no way in hell he was going to be able to solve it, he was too fucking lost

atm jeno is like .000000001 seconds away from having a mental breakdown because if he doesn’t pass his test this friday he’s going to be benched and if he fails the class then he loses his status of team captain and his spot on the soccer team which he cannot afford to bc it was SENIOR year and he should be living in all of his sports glory right now

and what if he can’t graduate? he can’t be a super senior like lucas wong like nooo that can definitely not happen

literally, jeno, stop freaking out - sincerely admin minnie

suddenly while he was having an overthinking session, his paper and pencil were taken away from him. he watches as the culprit (you) quickly solve the problems on the piece of paper in record time with wide eyes

letting out a small huff, you gave him back the paper wordlessly before going back to your previous sleeping positions hoping to get back to your precious nap time. your actions leaving jeno’s mouth opened in awe as his eyes glances back and forth between the answer sheets and the ones you provided him, both matching up perfectly with no mistake

he looks back at your sleeping form and wonders if you’re an actual prodigy like renjun

but jeno also feels really bad for disturbing your nap so he lets you be and tries to quietly work on the other problems and review how you solved the ones he had trouble on earlier

except he’s even more confused bc there was more numbers and letters;; no comprendo

jeno’s brain: ajadkf;dskjhg;ajdsvf;

he contemplates ask you for help or a basic explanation since there was no way that jeno learned how to solve that in class (he did, he just slept through the lecture because he was dead-beat tired after a heavy soccer practice from the night before)

jeno’s fear of flunking overweighed his social awkwardness so he pokes you gently with his pencil eliciting a grumpy “what do you want, now?” from you

gulping, jeno mumbles a small “can you help me, i don’t understand how you solved this”

you looked intently at jeno not answering his questions causing the boy to instantly regret asking, but surprisingly you replied

“what don’t you get?” you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and shifted towards the male

“i don’t even know what i don’t know”

i felt that jeno. i felt that.

he pulls the piece of paper between the two of you and points to a problem that you did with ease

“oh, so you’re so supposed to…” you launched off into an explanation filled with math terms that adds more to jeno’s confusion

sensing that jeno still wasn’t understanding, you let out a big sigh

“sorry, it just doesn’t make sense in my head” jeno admitted shyly

at first, you were gonna say something snappy about how even an eighth-grader could do this problem easily, you held it back because you actually felt bad since jeno was trying so hard

you also weren’t going to deny that lw jeno looked quite cute with that adorable slight pout on his face

“let’s just take it slow, i’ll explain step by step”

so you did just that, patiently teaching the methods and theorems to jeno who constantly made that confused noise every time you introduced something new to the table

the two of you worked through five of the worksheets and jeno was actually understanding it! horray!

you were explaining the last problem to jeno when he stops you with a question that was completely off-topic

“why are you helping me?”

it was simple question so you answered it simply.

“because you looked like you need it.” you shrugged “i was trying to take a nap earlier but it was too loud for me with your constant erasing”

“sorry” jeno said looking down at his lap, embarrassed that he was a nuisance to you

you kind felt bad ngl so you quickly reassured him

“don’t worry about it. you remind me of my idiotic friends, not that you’re an idiot though. actually, no comment.”

we love a blunt y/n.

you clicked the pen you were holding and placed it down, “i moved here a couple months ago so i barely know anyone. now that it’s senior year, everyone already has their own friend group so why bother trying to join them?”

jeno makes another confused noised at your blunt statement.

you wondered if that particular noise has some type of effect on you due to the fact that you have a sudden urge to explain your situation to the boy you hardly knew for more than the hour

“i used to go to miroh high, but my dad got a transfer here so he decided to enroll me at this school without my say. i left all my friends back there sadly”

“that sucks,” was all that jeno could say.

damn his inability to socialize like a normal human being.

you nodded, “yeah, it does, but it’s not that bad. my friends make an effort to come down here most weekend and sometimes i drive up there too.” you turn to look at him and jeno freezes at the sudden eye contact “actually, you remind me of my friend hyunjin. he was kind of a ditz in anything that wasn’t sports”

“wait, how do you know that i play sports?” jeno asked confused

“dude, everyone knows that you’re the school’s mvp.” you said as if it’s obvious “you’re not as intimidating as they say you are though.”

damn it

he was hoping you had no idea who he was so that could relieve his guilt of not knowing who you were despite being in the same graduating class.

at the same time, he was glad that he seemed to have made a good impression on you

“don’t worry, i won’t spill your little secret” you gestured to the worksheets which had red pen markings all over it, signs of jeno’s failures. you figured that the school’s star jock didn’t want the school knowing his inability to solve basic 12th-grade math problem

you reached under the table to grab your backpack, causing jeno to reach a hand out to grasp your wrist

“wait, where are you going?”

a part of him was afraid that he was going to forget everything you taught him once you left, but the other part was extremely curious about you and wanted to know more

“i have somewhere to go?” you looked down at his hand and back up at him “you have something else you want to say?”

sensing that his grip was making you feel uncomfortable, he quickly pulled his hand away. rubbing the back of his neck. he avoids your eyes, opting to stare at your feet instead.

“this might be a little weird, but can you please tutor me? at least until next week when i have to take my make-or-break test.” jeno plead, embarrassment rushed to his cheeks in the form of a red blush when he realized how desperate he sounded.

you let out a tiny giggle, totally different from your persona earlier.

you took his pencil that was laying on the table to scribble something on the corner of his worksheet. patting his shoulder, you quickly left the boy staring at the piece of paper.

don’t get confused (127) 312-0325 :)

a stupid smile made it’s way onto jeno’s lips as he quickly packed up his things in haste. he practically skips to soccer practice. maybe he even heel-clicked.

lee jeno is not failing math!

cute tutor acquired!

woohoo!

but also, there’s this weird tingly feeling that jeno has inside.

he doesn’t know what exactly it was but most likely it’s probably the reason why he was a goofy-ass smile on his face

“dude, are you okay?” one of his teammates ask after he gets hits in the head with a soccer ball

jeno, not even fazed by it one bit, just smiles and gives his teammates a big thumbs up

“coach, i think there’s something wrong with jeno!”

anyways, that night he’s extremely excited to text you.

imagine jeno on his bed, laying on his stomach feet up in the air, taking at least an hour to construct a response that doesn’t make him seem lame or a fifty-year-old man like all of his friends say he texts like

jeno is probably the type of person that texts, with all the correct capitalization and actual punction plus awkward spacing and usage of emojis

this time he tried to be chill about it

jeno: hey, it’s me, jeno. sorry for bothering you this late at night, but i don’t understand this problem. can you help me pls?

sent.

now jeno was currently awaiting your response….however, you don’t reply right away like jeno for some reason expects

he takes the waiting time to scroll through his social media and it’s the usual things he sees every day

he sees the juniors’ chenle and his weird little friend talking about some sort of prank they’re going to pull, jaemin’s spam post on how he was stuck making prom decorations to fulfill his community service requirements, etc

however, a sudden post from @/luccasss caught his attention

especially the girl sitting on top of an old blue car with the senior, middle fingers up

his eyes glance at the caption quickly

me and my main bitch fucking it up (pc to our little kiddo)

wait a minute.

jeno could remember you saying how you didn’t bother making friends w anyone, so what are you doing with the lucas wong?

now lucas wong doesn’t have that great of a reputation around campus, especially since he was a held back his senior year. he blows off class and jeno has heard that he’s in cahoots with the stoners on campus too

your account is tagged in the picture and luckily it’s on public, so jeno could secretly and shamefully stalk your page

while looking through your photos, jeno realizes that he really doesn’t know anything about…. you

tbh he didn’t even know your name until he saw your bio and username. (facepalm @ jeno)

scrolling through your photos, he saw you posing with other boys and girls that he didn’t recognize making him assume that they were your friends from your old school

his fingers land on a picture where you’re kissing a cheek of ridiculously good looking guy. checking the tag, he sees that it’s a guy whose username was something along the lines of cb_97

imma miss my ddy chan <3!! owo

as he scrolling through the chan guy’s instagram, jeno becomes more dejected bc maybe he was too deep in his imagination that he got from watching too many dramas with ara

letting out a sad sigh, jeno clicks his phone off and settles into bed. the more he thinks about it the more he feels insignificant to you which he was.

for all he knows, he’s just a random kid in the library that you helped with a few math problems

the next day, jeno walks into school with no pep in his step :(

and as his certified besties, jaemin and renjun drag him into an empty classroom during lunch prying him to confess what’s got him down in the dumps

and jeno knows he can’t hide anything from his besties so he just lets it all out

jaemin, taking a long blink after his bff’s rant to process the newly acquired tea “wow, bro. you got the feels”

“exactly,” jeno groans “i only talked to her once! she doesn’t even know me!”

“she knows you suck at math,” renjun points out

and jeno threatens to throw a chair at his friend, but jaemin quickly stops him

“okay, how about you just take it slow? like get to know her and let her get to know you. it could be that you’re just overthinking her kindness for helping you when you were desperate. appreciation is different from admiration” ngl jaemin was kinda-sorta right

“btw, who is this chick anyway? you haven’t told us who it was” renjun asked, sitting on one of the empty desks

“y/n, she transferred a couple months ago from miroh”

renjun abruptly jumps to his feet, “the y/n l/n? the new math teacher’ daughter?”

“you know her?” jeno quirks an eyebrow

“dude she’s in my ap calculus class and she has the highest grade, but she never shows up to class,” renjun tells him. “she’s a straight, badass genius”

jeno feels stupider as renjun continues to list all of your achievements and the art boy makes it seem like all of them were done effortlessly.

how stupid was he in your eyes when he couldn’t solve regular senior math problems while you were out here solving college-based ones?

now you seem like a person farther and father away from him.

jaemin, his good-ol-buddy knows that jeno is over-analyzing the new information renjun was telling him, and he tries his best to hype is buddy up

“c’mon, you might not be a genius at math but you certainly are on any field, pool, and court. have some confidence!”

deep down jeno knows that he should listen to his friend and that he should just be more confident in himself, but he can’t shake his feeling of insecurity and doubt

so the next time he sees you laying on the empty table in the non-fiction section sleeping, he’s a bit more reluctant to approach you. instead, he quietly sits in the seat next to you as he pulls out his practice sheets to work and miserably fail on

except you don’t wake up for a looong time until jeno accidentally sneezes too loud, causing you to awaken

opening your eyes, you see the boy look at you with wide eyes as if he’s done something terribly wrong by waking you up

“why do you look like i’m about to kill you or something?” you giggled watching as the boy in front of you became very flustered “why didn’t you wake me up when you came here?”

“oh, you look like you were in deep sleep, so i didn’t want to wake you up”

you stretched your arms out, one hand over your mouth as you let out an inaudible yawn, “don’t worry about it. i’m always sleeping”

you blamed all of your fatigue on lucas as it was his fault that you were tired out of your mind from the little night adventure he roped both you and a junior named eun (y/n from childhood-friend!chenle’s au) into.

honestly, if it weren’t for lucas’s annoying ass laugh waking you up from your nap that one day, you probably wouldn’t have befriended the big bumbling bafoon.

“yeah, but apparently i’m failing the twelfth-grade again bc i’m not allowed to just go to homeroom and p.e. i mean, who wants to learn about FUNCTIONS when you could just be looking up memes in the library?!?” - lucas wong, 2019

despite lucas’s overwhelming personality, you were quite thankful to have him as he reminded you of your old friends back at miroh, it was nice.

eun was a soft-spoken child that often had to turn to you or lucas (which wasn’t always a good idea) for advice that you both were happy to give to the underclassmen.

personally, you didn’t care that you only had like two friends, quality over quantity right?

“earth to jeno?” you waved your hand in front of his face as he stayed unresponsive

he mumbles something inaudible and points at a problem

your eyes gloss over it taking in the problem, before quickly grabbing a pen and solving it. you spoke slowly as you explained the step-by-step solution that jeno had to do.

when you look back at jeno to make sure that he was understanding the content, you noticed how the jock is off in his own universe and not paying attention to you.

“please don’t make me repeat that again,” you sigh, catching jeno’s attention. you capped the pen and lightly tossed it on the table, proceeding to stretch out your hands above your head.

“sorry”

“what’s up with you?” you asked, wondering why the boy who seemed desperate for your help yesterday, was now acting like he could care less. “and don’t give me that stupid, generic “nothing” bullshit.”

“sorry, football was tough last night,” jeno said quietly, focusing on the problem.

despite not being involved in the school festivities, you knew that it was well past football season. and that meant that jeno was lying to you.

there was a slight pang of disappointment, but you pushed it aside. what were you expecting anyway? he probably only saw you as a tutor.

you weren’t even his friend for fuck’s sake

“let’s move onto the next problem” you say, quickly changing the subject.

honestly, the two of you were fucking idiots. smh

despite there being awkward tension between the two of you, you’re tutoring was actually very very helpful for jeno. he could actually understand what was going on in math class now.

remember that test he had to take to ensure that he could play for his soccer match? jeno passed that with flying colors thanks to your careful explanations

even after that test, the two of you kept your tutoring arrangement;;;and maybe jeno was falling even harder for you.

he couldn’t help it though! the way you run your fingers through your hair or the way you puff out your cheeks when you’re trying to think of a way to explain something to jeno just makes leaves him star-struck. and every time he gets a problem right without your help, the proud smile that you give him makes his heart leap

it wasn’t like you were safe from the love bug either!!

lee jeno was hard not to like and he was even harder to not fall for.

the little cute noises that he makes when he’s lost, the way his eyes go wide when he finally understands the problem, and the eye-smile he gives you when he gets a problem right.

your heart literally went uwu when jeno offered you his hoodie bc the two of you were sitting underneath the ac vent and you were shivering.

when you tried to give it back to him, he just shook his head and said “keep it, just in case you get cold”

lee jeno was not healthy for your heart. uwu hours 24/7

but the two of you were stuck in this weird relationship bc the two of you weren’t exactly friends, but also not strictly tutoring. you would share laughs here and there, but then quickly it would dial down and returned back to the math problems

some times when he was texting you, he would send a cute gif to show you that he understood and sometimes you would tell him about something funny/stupid lucas+eun or your other friends did.

“just ask him out,” lucas tells you bluntly as the both of you chilled on the bleachers during lunch.

“hard pass”

“fine, then i’ll do it.” lucas shrugs, eliciting a hard smack from you

“don’t embarrass me, you asstwat”

“who said i was asking him out for you? that boy is a fine piece of meat”

“istg, lucas, i’ll actually gouge your eyes out” you deadpanned.

but big ol’ oaf lucas doesn't see you as an actual threat. and he reaches out to grab your cheeks causing your face to form into a fish pout

“can you even reach me?” he teases, shaking around your face

and this the part where you’re pulling lucas into a headlock, oblivious to the fact that jeno was watching your toughy actions from afar

he kicked the soccer ball angrily into the goal causing jaemin to duck with a small shriek to avoid getting his head decapitated by jeno’s fastball

“dude wtf!” jaemin shouts

“sorry,” jeno mutters.

jaemin looks over to where jeno was staring at and saw you and lucas being really handsy with each other. from that distance that the two boys were looking it, it didn’t look like the roughhousing the two of you were actually doing

you pulling his hair to them looked like you were playing around with it

jaemin’s buddy jeno be looking like a kicked puppy rn, muttering under his breath about his shortcommings

jaemin is bout ready to slap him upside down the head for having no confidence or whateves

“can you stop talking shit about my bestfriend now?” jaemin @ jeno but the boy is on a whole ass rant on why he sucks in comparison to lucas

“of course she doesn’t like me. she has a whole lucas wong and he’s 6′0 ft of handsomeness. he’s fun and exciting, i’m staler than a moldy piece of bread!”

can jeno just love himself??????? is that to much to ask?

“i’ll just never be good enough for her. i’m not her type, she can do better than me.”

cue jaemin intense internal screaming

one day, jeno was going to your usual sitting spot in the library when he sees lucas chilling with eun—a girl that he’s seen around with his friend chenle. they were both laughing at something on lucas’s phone.

jeno looks at the sight confused. cause like aren’t you and lucas a thing? like why was this boy looking really chummy with this underclassmen?

so jeno clears his throat to catch their attention and both of them look at him like “who tf are you?”

“where’s y/n? she’s suppose to be tutoring me” jeno says

a look of recognition flashes across lucas’s and eun’s at the sound of y/ns name. the younger female whispers something to the senior causing him to clap his hands.

“oh so you’re, jeno??” lucas says in this voice

and jeno awkwardly nods

“yeah, y/n is skipping school today so she told me to tell you to look over the notes she wrote out for you” lucas pulled out a notebook and handed it to jeno

jeno flips through it carefully, examining the words you wrote in your familiar handwriting; there was also a highlight code system and little side comments to help him

“thanks” jeno about to leave but lucas’s next comments stop him

“you’re lucky that y/n likes you enough to do that for you. she wouldn’t even tell me whats 4x4 when i asked her” lucas slumped into his seat

“that because she thinks you have chronic stupidity” the underclassmen said, giggling

“aren’t you suppose to be on my side you little pipsqueak” lucas says jokily, rubbing her head.

and jeno is watching the exchange, getting more and more confused

did y/n know that lucas was hanging out w another girl without you?

“did you need something else, jeno?” eun asked him

jeno is about to say no, but different words left his mouth

“aren’t you dating y/n, lucas?”

there was a silence that lasted for a good minute, both lucas and the underclassmen giving jeno a blank stare….

until lucas bust out into ugly laughter, bent over his seat delirious and eun was also laughing along but not to the same degree.

was it really that funny? jeno be staying confused

it wasn’t until the librarian came to shush the two did they stop laughing

lucas wiped away tears of laughter from his eyes “that was a good one!”

“what do you mean?” jeno asked

“pffft eun would rather date a rabid animal than me,” lucas said “she’s only friends w me bc i forced her to be”

oh! that was news to jeno

“besides, lucas isn't y/n’s type” eun revealed, shocking jeno

oh really now?

“yeah, you fit her type really well,” lucas stated nonchalantly.

eun is like BRUH WHY WOULD YOU REVEAL THAT but doesn’t say anything and kicks lucas underneath the table. she could already picture the pure anger once her friend found out that lucas spilled her secret crush that easily.

robot jeno is just standing there holding the notebook and deep in thought.

“is he okay?” lucas whispers, looking up and down at jeno. eun shrugs in response

bOOM jeno zoom zooms away and the two high schoolers shrug at the jocks before returning to looking at dank memes

jeno basically charges down to the only female he’s friends with for advice, ara. (go read my fucqboi! jaemin for the backstory!)

conveniently, he finds both his jaemin and ara standing at her locker talking. tbh it looked more like jaemin trying to flirt with ara and her ignoring him.

but right now his friend’s girl problems were the least of jeno’s concerns!

so jeno basically hulk yanks jaemin away from ara and has the most serious expression on his face “i need your help, ara”

“huh?”

and he drags ara off to a more secluded place to explain his current situation to, ignoring jaemin’s whines

“to be honest with you, i think you need to have more confidence. now that you know that she isn't interested in lucas, why don’t you just take the initiative to confess?” ara says once jeno explained to her every juicy detail of his hopeless love story.

“because i don’t think that she likes me. there’s nothing special about me. the only things i’m good at are sports and that’s not very interesting!” jeno exclaims “she probably thinks i’m an actual idiot!”

“jeno, listen, i’m only going to say this once, but please please understand that you’re a very special person, okay? you’re extremely hard-working, nice, and honestly very fun to be around. it would take a fool to not like you, lee jeno.” ara sighed, patting her friend’s shoulder “just shoot your shot. if it doesn’t make it in, it’s okay.”

but jeno doesn’t like leaving things to chance. he wants to be sure and he hates uncertainty.

“when you’re competing or playing against someone, you have no idea how the whole game is going to pan out. all you know to do is to try your best and go all out to ensure the very best result so that you can win. liking someone is like that, you just have to go forward and hopefully, you’ll be able to score a home run or a touchdown.”

that was sum deep shit

after listening carefully to ara’s words, jeno came to a conclusion

maybe

just maybe

jeno will take a chance.

reaching into his pocket, he pulls out his phone and sends a text.

jeno: can you meet me at neo ice cream later? i have something important to tell you.

y/n: yeah ofc. i’ll see you at 4

he had soccer practice today and for the very first time, jeno was skipping practice, his favorite time. the only time where he’s ever fully confident in his abilities, where his stupid insecurities can’t get to him.

this was more important the temporary self-gratification that jeno gets when he’s able to fly through practice with ease

lee jeno was taking a leap, unsure of where he’ll fall.

today, he’ll shoot his shot. and hopefully, you’ll catch.

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sgnjoowon · 4 years ago

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hey hey everyone! this is my first time in seongnam and i’m super excited to be here. it’s kind of late for me, but i wanted to throw up an intro for my boi before i head to bed, so here we are! this is noh joowon, twenty two year old junior. he’s an animation major and a pretty popular BL webtoon author, but that last part is a ~*secret*~. he’s pretty loud and outspoken and often times annoying but he’s a... well... not good boy but a fun boy? anyway! i have his ABOUT, BACKGROUND, and PLOTS pages up if you’d like to take a look, but i’ll drop some info and wanted connections under the cut! and if you’d like to plot, please hit like on this post and i’ll pop into your ims, or you can reach me on TWITTER if you’d prefer to plot there! ♥️

QUICK FACTS !

so tl;dr - 22, a junior, majoring in animation with a minor in art. wanted to do things the other way around but he fucked up his registration forms and went with it

is also a pretty popular BL webtoon author under the pen name byungari (you can find more info about his webtoons here). only a handful of people know about this... it’s a Big Secret, he’ll have to end you if you find out

basically, entered a webtoon contest online in freshman year - didn’t win, but the company asked him for a story outline and quickly sent a contract over for a serialized webtoon to be published online. it did well, and then he got a contract for another one which was also well received/ranked

long story short, he just recently started publishing webtoon #3 which takes some heavy inspiration from the seongnam campus, so you’ll probably see familiar landmarks and faces if you follow it closely... honestly, he’s not all that subtle

anyway! he has a makeshift studio in the student centre and an assistant to help out with meeting deadlines and such. even then most days he barely submits his work on time and he’s always drawing in class instead of paying attention

considered a campus cryptid because he barely attends class and yet manages to pass most things... actually he’s there, just tucked in the back napping or quietly taking notes. he doesn’t participate much unless whatever’s going on is ‘interesting’

it’s just weird because he’s v. loud and opinionated otherwise - will get into debates right in the middle of class when it’s a subject he’s passionate (and right) about. some of his classmates are just straight up scared of getting into it with him

part of the art club (nominally; he joined because he felt obligated to but he doesn’t participate much), the cooking club (kinda; he’s just there for the food and also never like... ‘officially’ joined), and the paranormal club (this one’s legit. he loves paranormal stuff)

is the baby of his family; has 2 older siblings but they have a significant age gap with him so they were never close while growing up. they’re both like... very academically aligned with ~respectable careers~ (professor and doctor) so sometimes joowon feels like the odd one out with his focus on animation/art

his parents are divorced - dad has a whole other family that joowon has complicated feelings about!! he doesn’t like to think on it too much. was raised primarily by his mom while his dad really just pays for his education and stuff. compared to most kids from divorced homes he feels like he’s pretty well adjusted

his family isn’t super elite or wealthy, but they’re probably like... very comfortable but also very well connected with people who are considered elite (dad’s a lawyer and mom is the chairman/director of a elite private academy)

incidentally, went to that private academy before attending seongnam. it was very academics focused even though joowon was... not. but his parents are like whelp we did it right with the first two kids so it’s okay if kid #3 is into art and shit as long as he graduates from a good uni! hence him being at seongnam

really, his post graduation plans are just ‘i am going to make more webtoons and then maybe work in animation’ and he’s pretty happy with that

he’s very... hm... very blunt and straightforward in most of his dealings with people. super loud and confident and doesn’t hold back even if there’s a risk he might offend someone. he’s also pretty impulsive and short tempered so it doesn’t take much for him to go off. like, he’s passionate about a lot of things and sometimes that explodes out of him in a not-fun way

but he’s also like a very open, easy-to-befriend kinda guy, super supportive of his friends and generous where it counts. he’s very loyal and the kind of person who’d fight you but also fight FOR you in a heartbeat. he hates unhappy endings so he’s always trying to low key look out for his friends even if!! admitting he cares is embarrassing!!

he’s a cute kid who can be a lot sometimes. please be his friend anyway

WANTED CONNECTIONS !

friends!! some super casual friends to spend time with in between classes or grab a bite to eat with - he’s honestly pretty friendly when it comes down to it and even if you don’t know him well, he’ll probably consider you a pal. maybe you got paired for some activity during freshman orientation and stuck together, shared classes in the past, etc. you just know joowon as an entertaining dude

fellow animation / art majors or minors!! classmates, people to get stuck doing group projects with, we always work on our assignments together, looking for an empty studio to write and found you there so uh can we share. or on the flip side, department rivals?? getting into arguments / heated debates in the middle of class and getting sent out? always competing to see who’s better but they’re both good!

art club members who are like please come to a meeting please please come to just one meeting - or, y’know, forcibly drag or trick him into participating. someone who recruited him into the art club to begin with and now they have regrets. someone who finds an old exhibition piece he did for the club or something and is like omg please come back sunabe i want to learn from you--

cooking club members who he kind of follows around because they make really good food. people who don’t realize he’s not officially in the club and try to get him to participate but he’s like these hands are not made for cooking. someone who does realize but is like aw he’s harmless let him hang around. let him lick the spoon--

paranormal club bros... it’s the one club he’s actually serious about for reasons unknown (actually, it’s known: he wants to fuck a vampire) so members who share similar interests or just like his intensity or just think he’s a riot. maybe they try to film their own version of buzzfeed unsolved and hit up a bunch of supposedly haunted places or chase paranormal activity idk

people who read / have read his webtoons! whether they’re fans of him or antis... maybe someone he’s friends with irl who reads every update but doesn’t know he’s the author, or someone he’s friends with irl who hates the webtoon and joowon has to stop themselves from fighting them. or like... interacting on twitter about the webtoons, someone who writes fic or draws fanart and always dms it to him, idk, someone who leaves hate comments whom he fights with on a sock account??

he has a weird relationship with sunbaes in the sense that he can get really needy / attention-seeking around them (maybe he craves the close older sibling figures he’s never had in his life!) so sunbaes he can bother / be cute around. whether they tolerate him, shoo him away, or take care of him... idk

enemies?? for various reasons - maybe they’re rivals, maybe they just pissed joowon off or vice versa, maybe they just made eye contact and challenged each other to a fight pokemon style, maybe he just can’t stand the way they act, but enemies are fun...

some romantic connections like exes? hasn’t dated much recently maybe a few people in the past, or like people who have confessed to him but he turned them down pretty callously. or someone who falls in love with his art and thinks that means they like joowon but when they try to get to know him they’re like oh... oh no

i know i missed a bunch of stuff but i have more specific plots here if nothing sparks your interest + and i’m always open to brainstorm something as well!

#out of comics #/ idk if there is an intro tag but #/ anyway please plot with us we don't bite #/ :)

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dxmagedrose · 5 years ago

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GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it.

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now! [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore. even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye. i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way.

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all.

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER. F L Y P A P E R. FLYPAPER. FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street. roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani. I am but a simple opossum.

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’) It’s the most grounding smell in the world.

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I—— I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!! take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT… the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

#||: && the mundane ( ooc );#( get to know a bitch!! )#( this was... a lot of me rambling about weirdly personal shit at 2 am )

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yeoobiii · 6 years ago

Text

Left Behind | Calum Hood

Pairing: College!Calum x College!Reader

Summary: As you got lost in the crowd of concert, you bump into a boy, you’re kinda familar with and from there on you are kind of forced to spend the rest of the evening with him and his friends.

Word cound: 3.9k

Warnings: drinking and that’s about it, ig

a/n: I had this in my drafts for a while now and felt like finishing it. It’s my first 5sos related imagine. It’s a little bit cheesy and turned out fluffy. Remember, feedback and criticism is highly appreciated. Enjoy!

The music was blasting through the speakers, flashing a wave of energy through your body you didn’t even know you had left in you anymore. You were standing for about four hours now and usually you’d be totally exhausted by now but the adrenaline that was currently streaming through your body made you forget about your tired legs.

As the next hook was about to drop the people around you opened a big hole in the crowd and everyone was ready to jump in. You weren't usually the type to join mosh pits because they always got so chaotic and sometimes you were seriously worried about getting hurt. But right now, at the moment, you didn’t care. You took a glance to your left to find your two best friends nodding at you, signalizing you that they were about to join the chaos as well. You smiled one more time to yourself, enjoying yourself before the beat dropped and every one jumped into that mosh pit, including you.

It was over faster than you would have thought. At that moment, you were completely carefree and the music owned your body. You were jumping, screaming and dancing, like every body around you. At some point someone stepped on your foot and it stung for a second, but you got over it fast as the act that was currently putting on a live show, started to rap their second verse of the song. The crowd calmed down a little and most people were facing the stage again.

You turned around to check if your friends were alright. But as you turned, you couldn’t make out one of the two familiar faces that belonged to your best friends. You started to look around, starting to ignore the loud bass, the cheering crowd and the flickering lights around you, as worry started to build inside of you. You couldn’t see them anywhere. You got your phone out to check if they already texted you but you had no new messages. You tried to call them with little hope and also no success. You lost your friends.

You thought about leaving the hall and just wait until the concert is over to meet with them outside afterwards, since you knew you couldn’t enjoy the concert anymore anyways. Not like this. You turned around to leave, as you bumped into someone.

You quickly apologized and moved past them, until, you heard them calling your name.

“Y/N?” they shouted after you. You knew that voice so, you turned around again.

“Calum?” you guessed making your way over to the familiar stature of the young man.

As you got closer you could make out his features and it really was Calum, standing there in front of you.

“It really is you! What are you doing here?” he smiled, taking you in for a short hug.

This took you by surprise. You didn’t know Calum too well. You weren’t even sure if you’d consider him your friend. But it also seemed like he was pretty hammered. But you had to chuckle at his question. What were you probably doing at a concert?

Calum was one of your classmates. And that was about it. At least that’s what you think, how he’d explain the relationship between you two. On your side, the thing was a little bit more complicated. It all started out about one and half years ago, since you started collage. You figured out fast that you had almost all your classes with the curly haired boy. At the beginning, he was just one of the guys you went to school with. Nothing more, nothing less. But over these one and a half years, you developed a crush on him. And you hated yourself for it.

You mostly knew him from little group projects you had to do in class. Either only the two of you or in a bigger group, but you started to notice, that you liked spending time with him. Even if it was only for school related stuff. The two of you even started to talk more once during these one and a half years but that died down quickly with him telling you how he was about to hit up another girl. He didn’t hurt you with stuff like that, it was just a bit frustrating sometimes.

You were likely to not tell your crushes about the feelings or liking you held towards them. For some reason you were always just too scared of rejections and you always thought it would probably be really awkward between the two of you if you’d have ever told him. You also didn’t want for him to have this kind of power over you. You imagined plenty of times the pity full look he’d have on his face, while telling you that you were sweet, but he didn’t return your feelings. And the thought about that always managed to send a cold shiver down your spine and it maybe still kind of hurt you in some way. Even tough you would never admit that to yourself.

So, you managed to live with the fact that he was just a silly crush you had and that you’d get over it at some point, which leaded you to the situation you were currently in. Still, not over him and him treating you like one of his mates. And the thing that all of his three mates from school were kind of your friends as well didn’t help at all. Sometimes you even did hang out together. You liked his friends and you always wondered why your relationship with him can’t be as uncomplicated as the friendships with the rest of his gang was. If you’re with them, you always get a laugh out of each other. It also wasn’t that bad if you were with him and his friends because they kind of distracted you from his cute curls, muscular arms and contagious laugh, which you loved to hear. You also loved when his lips where formed into a smile that took over his whole face.

And now you were standing there, worried about your friends, a little bit drunk, bumping into that one person you didn’t really expect to bump into. Plus, you didn’t really have the nerves right now to deal with the mess you called your feelings.

“What do you think I’m doing here? Same as you, dummy.” you replied, trying to put a smile on your face and ignoring the anxious feeling that were currently creeping up.

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.” he smiled, biting his lip and looking down at you.

“Yeah. But, ehm” your voice sounded more concerned this time as you tried to form your sentence, “You didn’t per chance saw my friends around?”

You turned on your phone as you wanted to show him a picture of them as you realized his head was already turned to the front again, not listening to anything you just said. As it wasn’t hard enough to communicate in all that screaming that was going on, anyways.

“Calum!” you called for his attention.

He turned to you, a drunken smile on his face. You showed him the picture of you and your friends.

“Have you seen them?” you shouted over the crowd that was currently going wild.

“Them? No, sorry. But she’s hot!” he grinned, pointing at your phone.

Well, that didn’t really help, but thanks for your input, Calum. You rolled your eyes at him. It wasn’t like you were already in a shitty situation.

“I’m gonna leave. Have fun.” you screamed over the music.

As you were about to turn your back at the tall boy, he called out for you again.

“Y/N, wait!”

He called you again so, you turned around again.

“You really wanna miss the rest of the concert?” he asked like he’d genuinely care, “We can still go and search for your friends after and you can stay with us if you want”.

His offer took you by surprise, the second time this evening. But the suggestion was really tempting, since you really liked the act that was currently playing and you were excited for this concert for about half a year now. So, you decided to quickly text your friends, that they don’t need to worry about you and that you found someone you knew and could stay with for the rest of the concert. You said you were sorry and that you could meet outside after. Putting your phone back in your pocket you turned back to Calum, who was loudly singing along, knowing all the lyrics.

“You know what, yeah, why not.” you smiled up at him, receiving a smile from him as well which made you a little bit week in your knees, but as usual, you ignored it.

As the evening was going on, you caught yourself enjoying yourself more and more. Calum had also friends with him. The only one you knew was a boy called Ashton. You had also some classes with him, and he was one of Calum's closest friends, as far as you knew. But there was another guy you have never seen before. He introduced himself as Dylan. At some point you even found yourself grounding your body against his, not spending one single though on Calum.

The main thing why you keep hiding your feelings for Calum, was because if he rejected you, you still had to face him every day and with that you’d be reminded of the embarrassment. But like this, with a guy you’d probably never see again or only if you wanted, it was easy.

Even though you had fun with him, you knew what he was after. You didn’t really have much experience on the dating front, but you weren’t blind. And it actually felt really good to be admired by someone. It gave you the feeling on having power, which was quite the opposite of how you felt almost everyday around your long-time-crush, namely insecure. So, you enjoyed every second of it.

As the concert was over, you almost forgot about your friends. But as soon as you were outside, you heard your phone ring. Just then you saw that you had twelve missed calls.

“Shit.” you mumbled to yourself, picking up your phone.

“Y/N? Where the hell were you?” your one friend was asking you, worry clear audible in her voice.

“I met some friends form school, I texted you guys.” you tried to explain.

Within the conversation with your friends, Dylan asked you for your tag to go and get your jacket for you. While your friend was telling you something, you searched for your tag, found it and handed it to Dylan, mumbling a quiet, “thank you”.

“Did you hear anything of what I just said?” your friend hissed at you.

“I’m sorry what did you say?” with your free hand you held your other ear closed, since it was still kinda crowded and with that comes the noise around you.

“We are already on our way home, Y/N.” sighed your friend.

“What? You did leave without me?” you started to ramble. Worry was building inside of you for the second time this evening on the thought of how to get home all by yourself. It was a good one and a half hour car ride until you were back home.

“Melissa got sick, she threw up on the toilets and I don’t think it’s because of the alcohol. I decided to bring her home, I tried to call you but you weren’t picking up.” she started to explain, you could hear out of the way her voice sounded, that she was sorry, “I even searched for you in the crowd for fifteen minutes but couldn’t find you anywhere and Melissa could barely stand, I had to do something.”

“So, you decided to leave without me?!” you hissed at her, genuinely pissed that your friends left you behind like this.

“What should I have done, huh. Tell me. Should I have let her practically die outside and come back to party with you?” she said sarcastically.

“No, of course not.” you rubbed your forehead, trying to figure out on how to get home yourself.

“Also, where is the problem, why can’t you go home with your friends form school?”

“It’s not that easy, V.” you tried to explain but couldn’t find any words on how to.

No one knew about your crush on Calum, since telling someone would make it become real. Without anyone knowing you could still tell yourself that your feelings not there or that they will go away in a magical way at some point.

“Well, it has to be that easy, Y/N. Except you wanna go home all by yourself.”

“Yeah, I know.”

As you took a look in the direction the boys left to get their and also your jacket you saw them walking towards you.

“I gotta go, V.” you cut her off, “Call me if your home safe, alright. Oh and you owe me.”

“Sure, same goes for you” she hung up, leaving you alone with Calum, Ashton and Dylan.

Last named just handed you your jacket, “There you go.”

“Thank you.” you smiled at him.

“Yo, Y/N” Calum begun, pulling your attention at him, “Where are your friends?”

All the boys were looking at you, waiting for an answer.

“Well, they already left.” you admitted to them, “is there a chance that the three of you have an empty seat in your car for someone like me.”

“I’m sure we can squeeze you in there, Y/N.”, Ashton chuckles as he put an arm around your shoulder.

“Thank you guys so much, really”, you thanked them, relieve washing over you, but you were still a little on edge because of the two men that were walking behind you and Ashton, “You really are my saviors.”

Next thing you knew, you were 60 dollars poorer and walking through a shabby train compartment looking for an opportunity to sit. Your legs were tired as hell. You finally got to feel that, since there is no adrenaline left in your body.

As you found a part in the train where the four of you could sit together, Ashton claimed it really fast as theirs.

“Didn’t I say we could squeeze you in?”, he grinned. A grin you’d like to punch out of his stupid face.

You didn’t even mind traveling by train. It was just that you were really exhausted. Plus, the short walk through the cold and fresh, night spring air, managed to get you sober again. So, now you were trapped in that train, with your dumb crush, a guy that still hope to get you laid tonight and an Ashton that didn’t seem to shut up and the saddest thing, you weren’t even drunk anymore.

The train wasn’t even running for ten minutes until you fell asleep leaning against the train window.

“Yo, this girl is fire and I’m so gonna get it tonight, guys”, Dylan cheered.

But he seemed to be the only one to find it funny how he was messing with a girl that couldn’t defend herself at the moment, because she was fast asleep.

Ashton only commented with, “If you say so.” And he was quick on looking back at his phone. And Calum, he was sending a death glare Dylan’s way. He hated how he talked about you and the fact that you couldn’t defend yourself, made him feel like he had to.

Calum didn’t really like the game that Dylan and you were playing the whole evening, anyways. As he spotted you on the dance floor in the middle of the crowd earlier this evening, he had to smile to himself. For some odd reason, it filled him with joy, watching you having a good time. But as soon as he spotted Dylan behind you, his smile was fast to be replaced with a frown. That should be him, dancing and laughing with you, he thought. But he probably must have messed up at some point of the evening. Why would you prefer to dance with stranger than with your friend Ashton or more specific him?

“Man, I need to take a piss.” Dylan suddenly said out of the blue, making Ashton getting up and joining him.

As Ashton already left to get in another compartment where the toilet was, Calum held Dylan back by his arm.

“Stop it, man.” he warned, glancing at him to make clear what he’s talking about.

“Why? You like her?” Dylan raised his eyebrows in amusement.

“N- No. It’s just… she has a boyfriend, man” he lied.

“Alright, man”, Dylan put his hands up in defense and left for the toilets.

Shortly after Dylan disappeared, following after Ashton.

“Why did you tell him I have a boyfriend?”, you suddenly spoke up.

Calum jumped at your words, since he expected you to be asleep. Suddenly he found himself in a position where he had to explain himself.

“Dylan just isn’t one of the nice guys” he explained quietly with his head down, not looking at you.

You didn’t know where you got the sudden push of confidence as you placed your head on his shoulder and tried to get some more sleep since you had another 30 minutes in the train ahead of you. Also, you weren’t really to keen on having a conversation with Dylan at this point.

Calum’s heart skipped a beat at your sudden move. But at the same time, it feels so natural for you to be close to him and sleeping peacefully. Its kind of calmed Calum down at the same time as it brought, for him, confusing feelings about you up, which he tried to push down for the whole evening now.

“Boyfriend, huh”, Calum heard Dylan say as he spotted you asleep on his shoulders.

As you were at the end station and you had to get out, Calum tried to wake you up softly. He gently shook you at your shoulders.

“We’re here, Y/N. Time to get out” he whispered softly.

As you opened your eyes and looked up at him you had to quickly orientate yourself. As it all came crushing down to you, you took your head off Calum’s shoulder, leaving him instantly missing it. You didn’t know why you got so close to him, but it confused you beyond believe. Why didn’t he reject you as you put your head on his shoulder?

As Dylan, Ashton and actually also Calum were meant to say their goodbyes, because you had another twenty-minute train ride ahead of you until you were home, but the rest of the boys were living in the city, you hugged Dylan and Ashton wishing them a good night. As you were supposed to say bye to Calum, you didn’t know what to do. Hug him? Shake his hand? Wave at him? You heard Calum speak up.

“I’m gonna come with you.”

“What?” your mind took a few seconds to process what he had just told you, “No, Calum, you really don’t have to. I’ll be fine, I swear.” You assured him, since bringing you home would take him another hour to get home himself.

“But I want to.” he admitted, glancing at you with a soft smile covering his lips. His looks made you go week in your knees.

“We’ll leave you to it, lovebirds. Goodnight.” Dylan and Ashton said their goodbyes one last time, turning on their heels and walking into the opposite direction of where you were standing.

“Why?” you asked, your voice almost inaudible.

“Because.” was the only explanation you were getting out of him.

You decided to not further protest and just let him bring you home. For whatever reason he was doing it.

Your second train ride was manly quiet and filled with silence. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, thought, like you had expected it to be. You didn’t know what it was but something changed between the two of you. As you were looking out of the window, making out the few little lights of people’s houses, where they were still awake, probably watching TV and watching the sky, where you could make out a few little stars, since it was cloudy that evening, you could feel Calum's glare at you. It practically burned itself into your skin. It felt like if he would dare to look away from your slightly blushed cheeks, curvy eyelashes and at the way your nose was shaped, he’d die in an instant.

From time to time you send him a glance yourself, allowing your eyes to meet. You couldn’t hold the glare long, though, the butterflies in your stomach getting the best of you. You didn’t know why, but you didn’t feel insecure around you anymore. You felt safe.

As you got out of the train, Calum insisted on walking you home as well. Even though you though it was too much, since he must be tired himself, he didn’t accept a no.

“You enjoyed the concert?” he suddenly asked out of the blue, his eyes meeting the concrete walkway underneath him. It almost felt as he was getting all shy on you all of a sudden.

“Yeah, except that I lost my friends, and they also went home without me, it was great!” you stated, making your voice sound sarcastic.

“Wasn’t that bad after all in my opinion.” Calum commented, sounding sincere.

“No. No, it wasn’t.” you admitted. A small smile was forming on your face at the thought of how your evening went down since you lost your friends. It was definitely something you were expecting form yourself but it was fun. You told yourself to do stuff like that more often, without the part of losing your friends.

As you were standing in front of your door, the mood was tense. You didn’t know how to thank Calum properly for accompany you this far.

“I had fun tonight, Y/N.”, Calum admitted, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, me too.”

Last thing you knew after a few long seconds of silence, was Calum starring at your lips before his were directly connected with yours. It wasn’t like you weren’t already surprised enough about how this evening turned out, this action tops it all.

As you were over the first shock, you kissed him back. It was an innocent but still a pure kiss. And you didn’t want it to end. All the weeks, even moths of admiring this boy from the far and now he was kissing you. At that moment nothing seemed important, except for the two of you standing there. The thought of Dylan vanished your mind a long time ago and was replaced with Calum and Calum only.

As the two of you broke apart, Calum was the first one to say something.

“Tell me, Y/N. Why are we doing this only now?”

You pressed your forehead against his, smiling. At this moment you felt nothing but happiness. It was a feeling you haven’t witnessed this strong in quite a while.

“I don’t think you have a train back to the city until five in the morning.” you informed him, slightly giggling, “Wanna stay over?”

“I’d appreciate that.”

You opened your front door, stepping inside.

“You’re sleeping on the floor, though.”

#5sos imagine #5sos one shot #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fan fiction #5 seconds of summer one shot #calum hood #calum hood imagine #Calum Hood one shot #Calum Hood x reader #Ashton Irwin #Ashton Irwin imagine #calum x reader #5sos Calum #Cashton #Calum 5sos #cool guy cal #5sos #this turned out hella cheesy im sorry #college!calum

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96xie · 5 years ago

Text

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

#phew #old mutuals im on twtr! keep in contact with me there!

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rogsclogs · 6 years ago

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Some Day One Day (Brian May x Reader); Part 2.

taglist: @brighter-thanthe-sky @im-a-sheerheartattack @fruityfreddie @discodeacygotmorerhythm (If you want to be added please message me)

If you still haven’t read part 1 just look up ‘Some day one day’ within my tags, I tag every fan fiction under the name of the series

Feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy :)

Y/N probably would never admit it to anyone else other than her own subconscious, but she soon started finding the coursework more demanding than she’d initially expected and things started getting a bit out of control for her, making her doubt her choice of a lifetime. At first everything seemed to be going great, she’d made a good impression on Mr. May who knew just how far to push her and the rest of the class so that they could learn new things without tiring them out, but at some point Y/N started losing track of her progress and falling behind unexpectedly.

She didn't even know the reason for all of her mental confusion, but she assumed it was just stress due to all her other classes and assignments and trying to keep up with her social life as well, which is something that most students struggle with, but she was probably just suffering more from it.

All of a sudden the numbers on her papers got mixed up with letters from ancient languages that she struggled to give meaning to and her grades kept dropping like never before, leaving her an anxious mess on her apartment floor every Thursday and Friday after class, wondering why she couldn't just get the fucking answer right and why the fuck it all seemed so fucking fucked up (her own words). Truth is, she wasn't used to failing. She’d been the best pupil of the bunch ever since third grade and, while she truly didn't care too much about being the best at everything, she was used to doing the bare minimum and still getting great results, this simply wasn't the case and she didn't know how to handle the truth of the situation, nor did she know how to break it to her parents that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't meant for astrophysics.

She’d never hear the end of it, they would assume she was giving up on life altogether and she’d be in deep shit.

Mr. May (he’d told his class that his first name was Brian, but he still expected to be addressed properly in the formal environment of the college campus) had noticed a shift in her attitude, she had always had a sparkling personality in class, raising her hand and proving all the annoying geniuses wannabe wrong when they thought she couldn't figure the answer out and she provided the right one each and every single time. And Brian was so happy with her, he really was, because he’d started to like the girl, he’d started to like the way her eyes lit up when they approached a new topic in class and she wanted to know all about it within the first half hour. He’d sometimes laughed at her enthusiasm, but as the days went by and it started to wear out and be replaced by hollow looking eyes, he realized how much he really missed it.

Every student was struggling, that's just the way it was meant to work and he knew it. He'd been assigned this course five years prior, so he wasn't new to the job or anything and he was aware that even the smartest of students were bound to have issues, that's what the tutoring sessions were for, but although some of them had quit and given up on the subject altogether, none of them seemed so torn by their grades as she did.

It literally broke his heart to have to give her another bad grade after each test, especially when rewarding her hard work was so much more enthusiastic, but there was close to nothing he could do about it so he just let the look on her face get sadder each day, wondering where he went wrong. Was he really such a bad teacher? He wanted all his students to succeed but maybe he was doing something to prevent that.

“Okay class, good morning and welcome back. So, today you were supposed to hand in your quantum physics assignment, which I hope you all found reasonable enough to finish. I expect it on my desk by the end of class, is everyone good with that?” He spoke while fixing his glasses back on his slim nose and pushing his long curly hair out of his face so he could see better, something he tended to do whenever he started his lecture.

His big and attentive eyes scanned the room as he softly smiled at his students and their barely awake faces that he had grown so accustomed to. His eyes lingered a bit longer on a certain person though, he’d been keeping an eye on her for some time after all and he watched her from afar, trying to understand what was going on inside her beautiful mind. Y/N wanted to disappear as soon as the words left her professor’s lips, as she realized she’d completely forgotten about that one assignment, too busy trying to finish the one from the week prior, which she still had to hand in.

Mr. May had been kind enough to give her a pass for once, considering she’d always been on top of her game with handing things in and such, but she was sure that this time around he wouldn't be as understanding and she was admittedly quite scared of talking to him. The lesson went on as normal, they were covering the topic of interplanetary dust and learning all the basics about it since they were then expected to do a whole research about it as part of their final exam.

Y/N was trying her hardest to focus on the enormous blackboard stuck to the wall in front of her, but a little voice inside her head kept reminding her that she was a failure and she absolutely did not deserve to be in the same class as some of the smartest people from her college. She was just another average girl who’d gotten lucky and who had never developed actual skills for the subject, she didn't even know why she was aiming so high-

“Miss Y/L/N, is everything okay?” his voice had managed to catch her attention fully and she sat up straight and just nodded back at Mr. May, hoping he’d let her get away with her lack of concentration once again, but apparently he had different plans.

“Will you stay for a while after class, miss? I want to talk to you briefly” his eyes were stern as he let her know that she was in trouble, and understandably so. He probably wanted to kick her out of his class at that exact moment.

She deserved to fail. She couldn't think of anything else and she spent the last hour of lecture fidgeting with her own fingers and trying to take some notes on whatever it was that was written on the blackboard, while harshly scratching her face with her nails every once in a while out of frustration and nervousness. Time went by faster than she’s hoped, and while everyone stopped by the professor’s desk to hand in their work before leaving the hall to finally talk about something that didn't involve physics, she slowly walked over to him and waited for him to say goodbye to all the other students.

“Where’s your homework, Miss?” He was talking directly at her this time and she knew she couldn't hide anymore.

“I’m sorry Mr. May, I completely forgot about it until you mentioned it earlier today, it won’t happen again”

“But this is not even the first time something like this happens to you, if I’m not mistaken I gave you a pass last week for the same reason, what is going on with you?” He couldn't help but raising his voice a little towards the end, she’d begun the semester so well and here she was, throwing all her hard work away.

“I’m sorry, it was just distraction and nothing else, I don’t know where my mind is lately” Y/N tried to joke although it came out a bit choked since she was holding back tears from all the anger and frustration she was going through, but Brian could tell that something else was up with her and he couldn't just ignore it and let her get back to her self destructive means.

“I can see that something is bothering you and taking a toll on you, I don't want to intrude, but I’m truly worried about whatever it is that’s making you behave this way Miss. You used to be one of my best students, what the hell is going on now?” He was getting carried away and although he could hear it in his voice himself, he was coming from a place of care and wasn't able to stop himself to think about the consequences of his harsh sounding voice, so it took him by surprise when the girl in front of him bursted into tears.

#Brian May #Brian May x reader #queen fandom #queen #queen imagines #queen x reader #borhap #bohemian rhapsody #fanfiction #writeblr #some day one day

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lenin-it-to-win-it · 5 years ago

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just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)”

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class”

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!!

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

#vent #rant #i sincerely doubt anyone will read to the end of this but whomst knows #besides it feels nice to just scream

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dovechim · 7 years ago

Note

After a hectic week I can finally sit down and dedicate the next hour or so to continue my story because I really want to get to the part which I'd like to hear your opinion - and everyone else's - about!! ☆ Long Story Anon

So we kept messaging for the following days, both busy with our respective classes; but before I knew it and I can't say I was surprised, he invited me to do something again less than a week later. We're from a considerably small city, there isn't much to do around here, so we had a hard time coming up with an idea. Well, he suggested to pick me up and we'd go back to his house to eat something, to which I agreed. I was with my friend and we were both jumping around from excitement ☆ 1

Needless to say my friends all loved him; they were happy that after such a long time and with such bad luck in love I finally found what seemed to be the last guy on earth who was worth more than two seconds of my life. I knew going to his house implied something more serious than making out could happen, but honestly I didn't mind if it did. In context, he lived with his little brother and parents; where we're from it's common at our age to still live at home since we've not graduated yet ☆2

But he'd mentioned during the first date that his parents were away for an anniversary holiday and his little brother was staying with the oldest one who lived in his own apartment with his fiance; meaning we had the house for ourselves. As planned he picked me up and took me there, had some food delivered and we watched terrible horror films on netflix. He'd cheesily try to put his arm around me on the couch and I'd move closer, ending up snuggled together with my heart about to burst ☆ 3

At one point both brothers and the fiance show up with some food, for some reason and that's when I knew half his family on the second date lol. But they moved upstairs quite quickly after eating and left us alone to watch the movies. Eventually he'd kiss my cheek, not-so-subtly letting me know he wanted to KISS-kiss me, but me being the nervous little shit I am didn't really know what to do. It'd been two whole years since I even attempted to make out with someone!! ☆ 4

So he had to move even closer and he said, which I'll never forget: "you're so shy", which I wasn't surprised about, it's not common for a 22 year old to be that reserved, I guess, but with a little bit of patience that single moment turned into the best first kiss I've ever had. I was so scared he'd be a terrible kisser, like I'd experienced before bc that's just a deal breaker for me and everything else about him was so perfect; but boy...was I wrong. We ended up making out for so long that ☆5

Our lips hurt, and he didn't even try to go too far, already noticing that I wasn't the kind of girl to tear off our clothes and start fucking (not that I didn't wish I were lol), so he just held me tight and took me home eventually. God, the memory of his kisses will never leave my mind. To this day I still get butterflies because it was the kind of kiss that makes you feel like your bodies fit together and makes your toes curl :') ☆ 6

im so soft for you and him already :”)))) it’s so sweet that he wasn't afraid of scaring you off and still went for it!! a lot of guys i know are hesitant about dating an inexperienced girl bc they’re scared they will scare her off, and once my friend asked me how he should chase after a girl who has never dated. i literally got so pissed lmao i just said “just fucking treat her like a fucking normal person!!! what are you intending to do that might scare her off???”

We had a third date after that, about a week later. We went out to eat and it was the day he started posting instagram stories with me and tbh I was surprised. In our generation it takes more than just a couple of dates for a guy to 'announce' he's not 'single' anymore. You know, like if he had intention of seeing other girls at the same time he wouldn't be parading me around for everyone to see, which only fed my hopes of him being 'the one' even more ☆ 7

omg yes :/ the dating culture is so complicated lmao like ppl can be going out with different people at the same time and there’s a certain time after which you’re considered exclusive... it’s so tiring tbh

Another week passed and out of the blue he was asking me to meet his parents. He was very lowkey about it; he said he missed me, mentioning they'd returned from NY and asking if we could meet again that night, but "my parents would be there too, is that a problem?" lol. So I said no, obviously, even though I was shitting my pants, I'd never met a boy's parents in that context before but he seemed excited. He picked me up and we drove back to his place where they were waiting for me ☆ 8

I decided I didn't want to read too much into it back then, but still couldn't help but notice that the older borther+fiance had dropped plans to go to dinner with us so 'the whole family would be there to meet me'. Did that mean him bringing a girl home wasn't that common? Was I actually that special? As if I didn't notice myself falling fast and hard for me enough, his whole family welcomed me with huge open arms. His little brother, extroverted as they come at the age of 10 did everything ☆9

To include me in the conversations; the older brother would tell embarrassing stories. The parents, both doctors, both dating since college and pretty much the whole family (fiancee included) were some of the most welcoming people I'd ever met. They treated me like a family member from the very beginning and noticing how nervous I was they would try to make the dinner as easy going as they could. The guy in question, let's call him Jed? Would hold my hand under the table to calm me down ☆ 10

Or rub soothing circles over my the fabric of my jeans to distract me when a family member would embarrass him. I fell in love with his family as fast as I fell in love with him and I just couldn't believe I'd found someone so perfect. We'd make out until our lips were sore and he'd drop me off at home always leaving me with a feeling of sadness that I had to say goodbye. He made me so happy that I started to go out more, meeting my friends I was just in such a good mood because of him ☆ 11

no you must have been so nervous!!!!! i mean i get that he was low key but still... parents are a big deal. i hope his intentions were rly pure and that he was that into you!! but im glad they were nice :”)

I'd even dare to say he made me a better person in ways only I can understand. He'd text me what he was doing or who he was with every day, all the time, even if I didn't ask -which I never did. Sure, he wasn't perfect; sometimes he'd forget we had plans. I have a feeling he lied to me a couple of times but about nothing really major; sometimes he'd be in a bad mood and be sarcastic and annoying af but honestly nothing too bad. All in all I had absolutely nothing to complain about him☆ 12

It wasn't until around a month and a half into the 'relationship' that we went out for drinks and then back to his place that he tried to have sex with me (he'd waited to bring it up more than any other guy I'd ever met lol). I didn't directly tell him I was a virgin, he kinda guessed, and he was more than okay with it, even saying 'I'll wait as long as you want to'; and damn I didn't really want to wait that long, it was just that the time was never right! ☆ 13

At this point we'd both had dinner with his parents several times already. They told me in that household they'd set the habit of having dinner together every night, and were more than happy to let me into their little tradition. At more casual nights we'd sit down and watch some film on netflix, the parents and little brother always moving upstairs at the end and leaving us both alone to make out some more lol. I was even invited to his dad's birthday dinner at a fancy ass restaurant ☆ 14

this is so cute 😭 im just very ugh whenever a guy kinda hints at sex bc dude u gotta make me WANT it not just ask for it :/ but it sounds like he was super respectful!! and tbh im just very bad with other ppl’s parents, but his sounds rly perfect 😭 do such ppl even exist??? i cant even remember the last time i ate w my family :/

So by the third month I already felt part of that family tbh. I'd cooked alongside the mother like lifelong friends, and sat down for coffee after dinner to talk about how fast technology is moving with his dad. His little brother would tell jokes or ask me to teach him some guitar and I think they began to love me as much and as fast as I loved them, honestly. I was even invited to the dog's birthday part lmfao I was just unable to attend but was kindly provided with video memories ☆ 15

Everything was going so perfect, I think we could've lasted so much longer but maybe just the timing wasn't right. I still remember him dearly though, but back then I had my heart broken so bad that I simply wish I'd never met him. What hurt the most was growing so attached to his family and then out of the blue, and without a single chance to say goodbye I never saw any of them again. I should've known life isn't a movie or a book and nothing that starts so well can end just as happily ☆ 16

WHY ARE YOU USING PAST TENSE?????????? NO!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO SHAKEN RIGHT NOW bc this feels like that part in a book where the author’s just leading u towards that horribly devastating ending and that’s exactly what ur doing 😭

The last night I went to his house - btw we never visited MY house because MY family as much as I love them to death aren't as welcoming as his was with me, so until I knew FOR SURE this guy and I were serious, I decided to suggest activities that required not being at my place lol - the whole evening started weirdly. He'd been taking longer than usual to text me, and it was getting too late so I though we just weren't doing anything but he insisted he wanted to see me ☆ 17

And fuck, I wanted to see him to, once or twice a week just wasn't enough anymore and I missed his touch so badly. So I agreed for him to pick me up, even though he kind of strung me along for a few hours. By the time he picked me up I hadn't eaten, not knowing wth we were going to do but he said he'd had dinner before picking me up. Why would he though? He knew we had plans, which usually involved dinner, why not wait for me for eating? Either way, I'd missed him, I wasn't about to fight ☆ 18

We reached his place and his mom was already going upstairs for sleeping along with the little brother; the father was performing a surgery so we were alone at the living room together. He was a little tense and I didn't understand why, he said he was tired because he'd had class up until late and I asked if he just wanted me to leave but he asked me not to; he wanted to see me, he wanted me to stay. We cuddled on the couch and I had to wake him back up several times, growing annoyed ☆ 19

And when the dad got home he quickly got up and pretended to do something in the kitchen. The man had to eat and we had to wait for him to leave to sit back together, the whole situation was awkward af. I was wondering if I should just call a cab and leave, but he insisted not to. At around 2am (it was a friday) while making out he asked if I wanted to go up to his room, to which I said yes. He knew what that meant, so he was excited about it, going upstairs to check if his room was clear ☆ 20

Damn, I hit ask limit again :'( I'll have to leave it here right now but I swear I'll get to the point eventually lol I'm sorry!! also thank you for giving me your patience and space to tell this story, I feel like this way I can tell it without filters about what really happened or how I felt and actually receive honest unbiased opinions

omg i literally cannot believe u ended right there??????? i hate tumblr’s ask limit. im on the edge of my seat right now!!! thank you for taking the time to send me these, im so invested in ur story now its insane!!

come back whenever you have time bb

#answered #long story anon #Anonymous

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askderryhawkins-blog · 7 years ago

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intro: eddie kasprak

hey guys! eddie here. decided to start off this whole shebang with some information about myself. read this (and these!) and send me some questions?

i’m twenty-one years old, i’m currently going to university for my basic education, and i have no idea what i want to do with my life. i’ve been thinking a lot about different majors, but i’ve decided to stay undeclared until my general ed credits are all taken care of. i go to DHU, and share a dorm on campus with my best friend Bill. (well, one of my best friends.)

this years been a little bit chaotic, between my 21st birthday, (which, in it’s defense, i can barely remember, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t exhausting) bill and i having to transfer dorms (moving all over again but only having to go up a floor? incredibly inconvenient and annoying.) and three, count em, three failed tries at the g.e. equivalency test.

i wish i could say i was doing better in regards to my education. as great as its been to live on campus with my friend and throw myself into my classes, i’ve been... disappointed with the results to say the least. i’ve been trying to remember that it’s not my fault i’m behind, and that i’ve come so far from where i was, but it’s hard not to be upset with the lack of.. i don’t know, progress? i guess i thought i’d be further along by now.

i was unable to graduate with my friends and peers when we left high school. i got sick, really sick, early our senior year, and had to take way too much time out of school. my mother... prevented me from returning, to put it lightly, and i missed pretty much an entire semester. some things went down, and long story short, i was emancipated and moved out at seventeen and ended up having to drop out of high school to avoid being stuck there as a super senior. i thank god every day for bill’s family, who so graciously took me in during that time, and who i stayed with until bill and i got our place.

since then i’ve been trying to catch up, which has been shit, but thankfully i’ve got my wonderful group of friends to help me through it. who are the highlights of my life honestly, so i’ll switch the subject to them.

i should really say more of bill beyond him just being my roommate. bill’s been my rock... basically my whole life. i’d follow him into hell, and honestly, i have. a whole group of us, as kids, fucking hell we were kids, went after this... thing that killed bill’s brother. it was the most terrifying thing i’ve ever done, but for bill, i’d do it again. i swore i’d do it again.

with us was stan, another friend i’d die for. stan is the kind of friend who just... gets you. his love is something no one should ever take for granted, i hope he doesn’t think i ever have. i’ve known him for almost as long as i’ve known bill. he’s been the best help when it comes to my education. he’s probably my favorite because he doesn’t try to kill me when i call him at 3 am asking about an essay question.

then there’s richard. my richie. i’ll probably have to make a whole other post about rich... we uh, we started out as friends, when we were young. but after everything that happened with it, well... we decided not to let fear have any more control over our lives. we’ve been together since we were fifteen. he’s a menace, i love hate him.

the four of us met ben, mike, and beverly when all of that went down and well, we haven’t let go of them since.

ben and i have always connected in a sort of unspoken way. he’s someone i can always be around and not feel pressured to be, uh, anything. he’s like the antithesis of what my home life used to be like. he’s someone who just always make me feel safe.

i don’t know what any of us ever did without mike. i used to think stan was the responsible one, but now not so much. (it’s because you’re coming out of your shell stanny, we still love ya) as much as i gripe about it in the moment, my favorite thing about mike is how protective he is of me. him and bill are pretty much my body guards.

beverly was the first girl i ever learned how to love. my mother was the only woman in my life and things with her were... difficult. she wasn’t really a great example for me so i kind of avoided girls for a long time. it also didn’t help that i figured out i was gay very quickly and uh, had no reason to care about girls. but beverly... she’s something else. she’s been such a light in my life. richie called her the sun once when he was high and it was like, the realest shit he’s ever said. she works with me at big al’s, the drive up we’re both carhops at. shifts with her are the fucking best.

when we got into uni, we met the party, and i’ve fallen in love with these guys too.

i met mike and dustin first, when they knocked on my door asking to buy some weed off of richie. i made them pizza rolls and they’ve been obsessed with me ever since. (wink) i never thought i could meet someone who matches richie’s level of wild, but dustin can go shot for shot with him. (in both the literal and bad idea sense.) mike is probably the best dm in the history of d&d, i’m kind of in awe of him.

their friends lucas and max followed soon after, and those two have been such a blessing. max is another example of that fiery power i never knew women could have. (im actually a little scared of her, to be honest, anyone who can get billy hargrove to cower is a fucking beast in my book.) lucas is also probably the reason richie and dustin haven’t died of stupidity yet, so i thank him pretty much every day for my boyfriend’s life.

then there’s will, who’s been such an amazing addition to the group. we’re so lucky to have him back, after what happened... i read about him in the news, and when he sat in my english 101 class a few years later, i just had to tell him how glad i was he was still around. now i’m even more so. i come home to him and bill spread out with their paints in our kitchen all the time; it’s one of my favorite sights.

jane came last, and with her, our little family is complete. she’s got a power from another world, honestly. it’s impossible not to be mesmerized by her. to be her friend is like, the actual cosmos loving you. she’s also the best at pranks and always takes my side against richie, so. you could say she’s my favorite.

so life’s been fairly turbulent lately but, all things considered, i’m so much happier with where i’m at now. i get to come home every day to a house that’s mine and i’m not suffocating in, i get to call the most wonderful obnoxious man mine, and i’m surrounded by the greatest friends anyone could ask for. i don’t have a lot of money, or a diploma, or a fucking car, but as long as i have my people and a roof over my head i think i’m gonna make it. though part of me is constantly afraid that its all fleeting, a palace made of sand... maybe its the residue of fear in my bones. i still have nightmares about it, all the fucking time. the physical reminders of it all are constantly around me. (when i moved in with the denbroughs, i stayed in georgies old room, which was... hard. for everyone.) though we’ve seen nothing of it or fucking bowers or anything from that time, i still worry. i guess along with my education, i should focus on worrying less.

well, that’s all i can think of right now. i’m pretty much an open book, so ask me about anything you’re curious over. i’m off work for the evening and avoiding an english paper, so send me questions i can use to procrastinate with! xD

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summerinsacramento-blog1 · 7 years ago

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Seeing the forest when you’re stuck in the trees

One week later, I feel rationally better. My heart hasn’t caught on, but I don’t feel the deep sting I felt before. Now, it’s a numb little tingling that I can ignore. Every day, it’ll sting less and less, but its probably gonna be a point of sadness I hold for years when I remember what 22 felt like. And that’s fine. I have years to heal and move on. I turn 23 in 27 days. That can be the night I officially start a new chapter. One without my last love, but a year where hopefully I feel self-love that I never felt before.

With that said, I am writing this while listening to The Weeknd’s new album about how hes heartbroken for the umpteenth time, so we’ll see how this goes. My friend said I should actually listen to this now, as its what I need. Ricky if youre reading this and I hate myself after this, it’s on you.

This is the story of a young boy who is processing heartbreak in a new city, new career, and a new frame of mind. This is the story of what I have learned in the last week, when my life was pulled out from under me in what I believe will be the best possible way. It sucks now, but I’ve learned something, tangentially related to the relationship.

The title

In order to understand this, I want to start by letting you see who I am. I graduated from college in 2017. It hasn’t even been a year since I stopped living my life in terms of “you have 3 months to prove yourself, go.” Until today, I never realized just how much that had affected the way of life I was living.

My mentor today totally slapped the shit out of me with this one: “Stop thinking in the now. Do what will make you happy 10 years from now. Everything is else is just experience. Not everything has to work.”

That man met me 4 hours ago as I type this, and he’s managed to being me back from a stage of confusion to clarity.

He then hit me with this one: youre not playing with the same rules anymore as when you were in college. You’ve been living on 3 month blocks of time. You need to learn to work towards a deep future, which you do not have the vision for now.

It hit me immediately that he’s right. For the 5 years since I left home, I have essentially lived my life in such a microscopic scale that I never learned how to see past the tree I was currently on. I lived life climbing a tree, seeing what was coming, and walking to that… but that means that I followed a track. I went from class to class, job to job, woman to woman, hoping to get what I wanted, but the thing is

You can only see trees that are in your field of vision that way, and this is incredibly slow.

Also,

this assumes you want to stay in the forest.

I’ve been thinking about this all day, because I need to learn how to think that way and get off the trees and start walking. I need to go to town and make friends that will last years here. I know I have the same feelings in Phoenix (more on that down the road), but I can’t leave myself with no options in Sacramento. I don’t even mean romantically here. What if I still don’t know what I want? What if I make a Friend in Sacramento with a haircut business and he trains me to be his recruiter? What if I meet a young couple in Sacramento, and they pass me all of their furniture because they’re leaving the city to start a new life? What if I meet a kid in Sacramento who needs a mentor and I commit to making his life better? What if I meet a woman in Roseville who runs a night club and she wants to pay me to be a stripper? What if I what if I what if I what if I get out of the house and find out.

Both he and my trainer have pointed out to me that I cannot rely on my job to bring me happiness, I have to make it on my own, and I have every intention to. I will be leaving my apartment in 3 weeks and moving to the city. Density is the greatest asset of a city; the only finite resource you have is time. So Im starting a journey of self discovery. I’m joining the sister chapter to the club I loved the most while at Arizona State. I joined a volleyball league. I’m going to every work social from here out for young people – I refuse to wallow in the sadness anymore. I already told the girl I loved all the good and the bad. Everything from here on out is overkill. I won’t be sad, as itll sully the memories of the times we weren’t. Don’t be fooled, I am hurt, but I am taking it as a good hurt instead of sinking to the dark place I was in 2016.

Speaking of 2016: The Dark Descent of Drunk Depressed Jairo

(For the sake of the other people in this story, I am changing names. If you are my friend and know, cool, but I don’t want to breach their privacy as I share mine)

This story actually starts in 2015, and I sat on it for a long time. It was during an event I ran. Three powerful figures that still mar my self-conscious were there. Girl 1 was texting me throughout the day. Girl 2 and 3 were there. I don’t want to drop too many details, but I remember thinking “Girl 3 is super nice, but I shouldn’t hit on her because she won’t appreciate it.” I had been trying to get at Girl 2 for weeks. Girl 1 was dumb as all hell for being interested in me and getting me first down the line.

I dated Girl 1 for a year. The second half of that year was the most miserable point of my existence. I remember I asked my friends if I should leave at month 5. They said I needed to give her time, and I suffered for 6 more. All this time, I kept having constant desires to leave her for Girl 2 (I NEVER acted on these. It was more of a “why does this girl treat me better than the one who claims to love me?), and she was jealous of Girl 2. I can’t blame her. My 21st bday was during that time, and after ending things I started being a degenerate in plain view of everyone. I am not proud.

But it was okay, I was on a high tree and I knew the kind of tree that I would climb. Drunk me wanted to climb, and there are entire weeks of my life where I drank every day.

Give it like 2 months, and I was starting to talk to this girl, I’ll call her girl 4. I thought that was the tree I would climb next – and boy did I try. We even agreed to go on a date. It never happened though, because in the days in between, I definitely linked up with Girl 2, sort of fast. Just as fast things ended.

Anyway I managed to fall from two trees in like 3 weeks, and I was going nuts for 6 months after. This is where the spiral took off. My grades took damage and I lost interest in most things, and I was so hurt that my search for my future was taking so long, and I kept getting hurt while trying. Why was this forest so thorny? I gained like 20 pounds in liquor weight, which I barely got rid of recently.

That is, until I linked up with Girl 3 once again in 2017 and this time by accident. We were together for what are the happiest days of my life so far. There will be better days, but I haven’t seen them yet. At least not so concentrated. Whatever it was though, I loved her for who she was for a year, and I want to believe she genuinely loved me back. It did hurt, however, that I always told her the above story, and I would say that I finally picked the right girl. I was on the right tree.

As of last week we know that isn’t true. She cut off the tree under me, but she did it at the right time. And actually, it was on the 3rd anniversary of the day those three girls flowed together into my life.

I was sad because I was on the ground. Tired of climbing and thinking I finally climbed the tallest tree in the forest and found the best spot, only to tumble.

But there was another force at play that I never saw coming. Her name is Girl 0. There is no romance there, we are just good friends, or rather, were. Eight years ago – she was my best friend in 8th grade before we drifted apart. She came back into my life to make sure I was okay, and in the past 6 days we’ve rapidly realized that were good friends still. That gave me so much perspective. Time moves on for everyone, but my best friend from middle school and I collabed for another album ten years later, and with no resentment. She’s coming to my 23rd birthday and that’s exciting!

I also realized that I no longer have resentment for G1 ort G2 since almost 2 years have passed, and I won’t resent G3 at some point. Well, I don’t resent her the same, but one day I’ll either stop missing her, or will feel differently than now – I can freely admit she was the most special girl of my life, and she’ll be a tough act to follow. I kind of wish me moving 800 miles didn’t drive us apart, but I’m also glad it did because now I have to force myself to walk along this forest, no matter how scared I am. I will grow from this. G4 is engaged now, to the boy that she would link up with after me. I’m happy for her, genuinely.

Regardless, that was the lesson I needed. I need to step down from the trees. Its time I start walking and stop looking for anything in particular short term. I can’t go through this forest one tree at a time. I need to pick a direction and walk it. That’s scary because I don’t know the future, but it was scary before, and I made little progress. Maybe this scary time is what I need. Maybe I need to just keep going and remember that the first 18 years didn’t count, the next 4 were a trial period, and the most recent 1 was me playing with the rules that no longer worked. I got X amount of years left, and I gotta make them count.

On a similar note, I would like to thank every single person who came out in support of me. You guys are the best, and your friendships, some way old and some way young, have helped me remember that I am loved, and that I am never truly alone.

On another note: The Weeknd’s album was okay and did not make me feel sad. The man almost gave Selena Gomez a kidney though, so maybe he was in deeper love than I was.

On another nother note: If you take the height of the 8 girls I consider exes and plot it, it makes a sine wave with an average around 5’4”. If the pattern holds, the next girl I date has to be taller than me. We’ll see, but maybe I’ll start climbing again, just differently now.

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generalthirstclub · 7 years ago

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I Don't Need Your Help (squip x reader; part 1 of ??)

yo yo yo hey so i finally gave into my desire to write a fic for the first time in fifteen million years and DAMN IT ALL TO HELL it’s about a FUCKING COMPUTER

kind of experimenting with 1st person a little?? idk if I feel like it’s a little choppy or something i might fix it later because im planning to have multiple parts to this so i have something to do while procrastinating on homework ew

also the reader’s gender isn’t mentioned in this part (i don’t think?? i kind of proofread this but it was at like 2 am so i don’t even trust myself) but im probably going to use female pronouns when I need to- i promise it’s not to offend anyone I just find it easier to write fics like this with a singular gender but i could try to change that if needed

last thing;; this fic kind of loosely follows the plot of BMC?? very very loosely,, like some dates might change or times or things, i don’t really know at this point but it might not even follow the story at all idk idk but still

here is an anon throwing their sin at the wall and hoping it sticks

have this you nasty computer fuckers

——————–

He had to be joking.

A pill? A pill that held a tiny computer- that attached itself to your brain for no other purpose than to ‘help you be cool’???. It sounded asinine. But maybe I could understand. Jeremy was desperate. I didn’t blame him. High school was a battlefield; intent on destroying all traces of individuality and creativity, burying unique personalities underneath avalanches of essays and book reports.

I voted against getting one, at first.

Jeremy had Michael, right? They’d known eachother for what seemed like ages, it didn’t make any sense for him to just- want something new. Michael and I both knew Christine was important to him, that he’d do anything to impress her or to get on her radar. We just…. didn’t expect something like this. Especially something as shady (and honestly terrifying) as a tiny computer that you literally swallowed and had it attach to your brain. It was ironic. Jeremy had told us he’d heard about it through Rich- the very bully that tormented him half the time.

Of course, I didn’t know Jeremy nearly as well as Michael did. I’d only met Jeremy freshman year- I’d known Michael since the beginning of middle school at least. So it wasn’t too much of a surprise when I heard he’d went out and paid the ridiculous fee for one of the wintergreen tic tacs, but that didn’t make me any less worried.

I didn’t hear much of it the first few days. I didn’t have any classes with either of them, and the only times we’d see eachother were after school, and of course- Michael had work, and Jeremy had to get back home to finish homework most of the time. We didn’t see eachother too often, but we did have a commitment to meet up at the same coffee house every Monday morning.

I knew something was up when Michael and I were the only two who showed up the Monday morning after Jeremy had bought the stupid pill.

Something had happened. I didn’t know what- we texted him nonstop and didn’t get anything. Not even an acknowledgement for our efforts. Whether or not I believed in the 'SQUIP’ at that point was debatable. It would be quite the coincidence if Jeremy had missed the bus that morning or overslept.

Both of us got rather worried.

Michael and I made a habit after that Monday of staying behind after school, purposefully lingering by the bus stop to see if we could catch a glimpse of our now oddly-distant friend. He must’ve been getting rides from an outside source, though- he never showed.

It was almost like he’d dropped off the face of the planet, and honestly? If I hadn’t known any better myself, I would’ve thought he had. But I had friends in some of his classes, and they said he showed up, but…..

It was like he had abandoned us.

I’m sure it didn’t hurt me nearly as much as it did Michael. But it still stung- it was evident that after the second missed Monday Coffee Meeting that it was intentional. It hurt me more to see the heartbreak in Michael’s eyes when he realized it for himself, and if anything? It made me angry. Angry that Jeremy would do that to Michael. I didn’t care if he had a stupid computer in his head, telling him what to do- it’s not like it was controlling him or anything. Him being friends with us had nothing to do with his popularity, or how 'cool’ or how 'chill’ he was. It had to be a conscious decision.

And that infuriated me.

I wanted to find him. Talk to him. But I had no idea where to go- he’d abandoned all the places he used to hang out, like the food court at the mall or the field behind the school. It was ridiculous. Like he knew we were upset, like he knew what he was doing to us and didn’t care enough to even talk to us anymore.

We’d lost our friend Jeremy.

It was funny how my thought process worked after my mind began to comprehend the fact that Jeremy had made the conscious decision to opt out of our friendship- of his friendship with Michael of all people, even. I was a naturally irritated person by nature, which was my own fault, but it wouldn’t have had to go to extremes if Jeremy had just stayed with us.

I wanted to get the pill.

Not because I wanted to be 'pretty’ or 'popular’. No, I wanted to prove to Jeremy that that tiny computer in his head didn’t do a thing to separate him from us. He was lying to himself, using the excuse of the SQUIP to tell people that he was the 'new Jeremy’, that he was 'better’ and 'stronger’ now. And I intended to put him in his place.

Maybe if he came to his senses, he’d realize what he’d done to us. To Michael, at least.

Michael was against my plan from the beginning, which was predictable enough in itself. It took me weeks to get the image of Michael’s terrifed face out of my mind, and even now it still haunts me sometimes. He was scared he’d lose another dear friend. He was scared he’d be all alone in this school of savages. In this war against the very same people who he grew up with, who now made fun of him, spat on him for being different.

It took me a while, but I was able to convince him.

I had no plan of abandoning Michael. No, if anything, I wanted to be closer to him while I tried to pull Jeremy back from that dark abyss called 'popularity’. And hell, if the pill made me go insane just like Jeremy, I’d rip it out of my skull with my own two hands.

It was two weeks after Jeremy got his SQUIP that I got mine.

It was pretty painful to hork up all the cash, seeing as the weird drug-dealer-ish guy at the register didn’t accept debit for 'the pill’. About two months’ worth of earnings slapped itself down on the desk as I quietly requested the same crazy contraption that had torn one of my closest friends away from people that he had used to consider family. It would’ve been the understatement of the year to say I was scared- but at the same time confident. Maybe the pill would help me out or something in convincing Jeremy to hang out with us again. Then again, maybe the pill was a sadistic killing machine that wanted to take over the world.

Haha. Just kidding.

Still, I had no idea what I was getting into, and the moment the man led me into the back room I felt chillbumps rise on my arms. So I was actually doing this. It was ludicrous. Absolutely ridiculous- but I knew I couldn’t turn back. My six hundred dollars were in the man’s back pocket, and in seconds, a tiny gray pill in a small plastic bag was placed in my hand and I was hurriedly shooed out the door.

I moved to the food court as my stomach churned in nervousness and anticipation, the sharpie on the bag instructing to take the pill with Mountain Dew. At least it wasn’t a bad soda, I reassured myself weakly as I slowly stumbled over to the drink machine and shoved a dirty dollar bill in the slot, punching in the code for the cold drink.

I felt dizzy walking back to my seat. My senses were heightened- the cold of the can numbed my fingers, shoving its way into my thoughts as I sat down. I waited a moment or two. It could be life-changing, my next decision. I hadn’t heard of any way to get rid of the SQUIP; or at least Jeremy hadn’t mentioned anything. I did suppose I could ask Rich, but it wasn’t exactly my favorite choice…..

It all began to move in slow motion the moment I decided.

I was in a rather empty part of the food court, as not many liked to linger when all the restaurants closed down after eight. I supposed that was good for me, seeing as I didn’t want to possibly be seen as a crazy person if anyone I knew suddenly saw me talking to myself or screaming at nothing. It was for the best, I said to myself.

A part of me wondered if Jeremy had hesitated too. Did he just take it the second he got it? Was he scared? Was he worried? Upset, even? Or maybe he was happy. Excited. Because he’d finally be away from us, he’d finally have the chance to snag the 'perfect girl’. The chance to be cool. The chance to make his life perfect.

Unfortunately, we did not fit into his perfect lifestyle.

I popped open the tab on the soda and took a deep breath, shaky hands fumbling with the opening to the plastic bag. Why was I so nervous? I had something to prove. I chose this of my own volition. If anything else happened I was sure to have a panic attack- maybe it was better to do this at home…

Then again, I already was waist deep in the water. It was best to just jump in while I was at it.

Two trembling fingers placed the small pill on the back of my tongue, the strong peppermint taste making me recoil for a moment before I took a swig of the carbonated drink. I squeezed my eyes shut as the disgusting feeling of the oblong object sliding down my throat gave me chills, waiting for the sensation to end. Soon enough, the feeling faded-

And nothing changed. At all.

I blinked my eyes open. Okay. So……. wasn’t I supposed to start hearing things or something? I called out in my mind hesitantly, feeling like a fool. Nothing. Silence. I frowned deeply and stood. All that was left of the pill was a distorted minty aftertaste in my mouth and nothing more.

This had to be a joke.

Abandoning my soda on the table, I marched to the restrooms. Just to make sure- I wanted to know of every possible change, every possible thing that could’ve happened to me. But the nagging feeling in the back of my head grew…..

What if there was no such thing as the SQUIP?

What if Jeremy had forked over his cash and- instead of being disappointed at the lie- took the opportunity to just totally abandon us? Did he even believe the lie in the first place?

Had we done something wrong? Had we offended him? Hurt him in some way?

What could I do to fix this?

My worries rang clear in my ears as I stared at myself in the crusty bathroom mirror, hands gripping the sides of the dirty sink tightly as I tried to control my breathing. I looked awful. It wasn’t even because of the pill, I knew that- my stressing would make me look beyond my years once I graduated, I was sure.

But the thing that unsettled me the most?

The fear in my eyes.

And just like that, everything was spinning- I heard myself gasp as I collapsed to the ground. Pain shot up my spine. Someone screamed- or was that me? I couldn’t tell. I prayed the bathroom was empty.

'Target male inaccessible.’

My eyes widened. No. No. This couldn’t- it wasn’t real-

'Please excuse some mild discomfort.’

The voice rang out in my ears once more and I felt my body jolt as another wave of pain flooded my body, a weak cry the only noise escaping my lips. This couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t a real thing- the SQUIP didn’t exist- I had already determined-

'Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.’

The world seemed to stop for a moment. Everything froze. The pain vanished abruptly, my thoughts froze, my heart stopped. I let out a shaky breath. My body trembled involuntarily.

'Discomfort level may increase.’

A shrill scream filled the air as blistering pain overtook my senses a second time, eyes squeezed shut as sobs wracked my body. Tears trickled down my cheeks freely. This was the worst thing I’d ever experienced. In that moment I wanted to end it all- I wanted everything to stop, the pain to stop, the problems to stop, the world to stop. I just needed to breathe. Just for a moment….

'Accessing neural memory. Accessing muscle memory. Access complete.’

A weak breath escaped my lips as my body went limp, all energy needed to sustain myself having evaporated. But I could still hear it. Could still hear him.

“___________________. Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor.”

I closed my eyes.

“Your SQUIP.”

The world fell silent as I went unconscious.

#squip x reader #submission

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