#im supposed to get my period so i guess thats why but thats besides the fucking point

[keigohawks]

just watched kate & leopold..... cried.

[captainshyguy]

6 bc im curious and 9 bc i wanna see ur hit list /hj

aaa ty belle!!

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

hmmm, not to my knowledge! the closest has been somthing ve been neutral bout/thought was kinda silly like melli and ingo lol, like i didnt hate it, but was neutral, and now i think its hilariousKJDSNGSDJ

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

(if these end up in characters tag i apologise but i aint censoring every single damn name! im not tagging and that should be enough)

oooh im gonna expand this bit beyond my regular fandoms bc there are some little fuckers out there i really hatein othe thinhs gkgjd, lets do regular fandoms first though

hollow knght: tpk, lurien, tiso. tpk for obvious reasons (plus i dont really like a lot of high up characters in general like focusing on tpk in fics kinda makes me eyes roll when the vessels are right there. lurien for reasons :). tiso because people went through a stint where he was just silly himbo and kept shippig him with quirrel nd i fucking hated that lol. his design slaps though

tcw: the bad batch lol fucking HATE them. tech is tolerable, and i dont even count echo one of them, free him!!! but the rest are condesceding assholes sorry idc if they get better in their own show like sorry you sold them to me as 'ooo arent they soooo cool theyre so much better than those Regulr Clones Boooo, look at them!!! like fuck off lol. you will never be captain rex

pokemon: not a big fan of 'hehee im a cutesy quirky little girl!! chracters, like sabi or poppy like. theyre fine i guess but eh. not for me. otherwise swordbert and shieldbert were also annoying kjgskgj

off the top of my head i cant really think of many for mario besides like...idk cranky kong specifically in the mario movie? awful voice perfromace. i guess waluigi too sorry, i m not a fan of like..idk, more basic mario chracters who dont really show up in non mulitplyar games, bc they end up beign sooo known and its like. bro they didnt even put him in wonder or 3d world or anything. like if u want him to be a staple mario character to me then put him in other games too, or i'll just roll my eyes that he's taking up space where someone like cpatain toad or peasley could be taking it lol

undertale/deltarune: detanged one but ice-e. ex went through a period where he as weirdly obsessed with him and thought he'd be super important and it annoyed me :)

ok now outside of my regular fdoms, characters i still loathe include

ralph from the flash- he was this stretchy dude who was awful abt women and like sure he kiiiida got over it but it felt weak and i hated him and the actor ended up being shitty anyway.. in the same universe i didnt like either oliver or barry's daughters from the future, both were very annoying lol

mon el from super girl. i hate him. kill him.annoying boring no chemistry love interest. kill him

eric sparrow from tony hawks underground- though i will concede that like the hollow knight characters, he contrbutes in really important ways to the story. like your'e SUPPOSED to hate him thats the point, they do a very good job with it. like he's written fantastically, and i want to kill him. i alway think of this article i read about him that was like 'eric sparrow is my best friend and he wants to hurt me' like yeah thats it thats the character. like i LIKE WHAT THEY DID, which sets him apart from almost everyone else here, its just what they did makes you hate him lol

ross from friends. miserable, insecure little creep. kill him

there are little charcters i loathe more than peter griffin family guy. kill bite explode

[imraespace]

HELLOHIHIHIIRIHI dailt checkin but ‼️i yapped very hard again …‼️

i realize how long its gonna acc take to do my hair bc i have to bleach my hair and then color and then get home and then such and such and i have a poster to make for graphic designer UUGUGGHHH AM I GONAN FINISH THIS TODAY I JOPE I DO BC I HAVE HISTORY HOMEWORK TO DO 💔💔

shes like about to bleach my hair rn and like ugh im lowk so pissed bc idk how well i can actually clutch up on this poster esp bc i know i probably dont wven have a chance ☹️☹️ whatever i guess idk …

TODAYINSHCOOL WE WENT TO… church STOP we walked for like 20 mins to the church and then mass and then 20 mins back to school just in time for second period i wanted to miss a little bit of p2 but its okay bc at least i got my steps in fr

in the middle of second period i just started scrolling on my phone and i found bllk figures AND I WANTED TO PAY FOR IT LIKE IMMEDIATELY SO I WAS TEXTING MY MOM BEING LIKE “MOTHER MOMAY MOMMY MAMA CAN I BUY PLS” AND SHE WAS LIKE ok go buy do u have ur card?? and iwas like .. no..! BUT THERES APPLE PAY!! and when i clicked apple pay it legit switched my currency to damn euros??? HELLO?? it was like 10.55?? in cad and then it was 7.01 in euros and its around the same but it said the euros was = 10.72 cad like hello why did u add more cents.. LIKE OKAY ITS CENTS IT DOESNT MATTER BUT STILL MONEY IS MONEY MY MOM DIDNT JUST WORK FOR 8 HOURS FOR ME TO ADD MORE CENTS TO MY PURCHASE 👿 so i havent bought it yet i was planning to buy it once i got home but i ended up getting distracted and eating cereal it was delicious but i finished up all my milk so i kinda want more

FOR MY COOKING CLASS I MADE COOKIE BATTER 😈😈 i ended ip eating the cookie dough and uh lets just say i hipe i dotn get salmonella with the amount of cookie dough i ate … LIKE I SWEAR I ATE MORE COOKIE DOUGH THAN ANYONE ELSE IN MY CLASS HELP LIKE OOPS I GOT A LIL HUNGRY THERE GUYS..

umumum my old friends made this science club and its kinda run by the guy that i used to like (the one that forced me to confess but ill legit just call him lead while telling stories ab him now so #newsidecharacter!! HELP ME) and like im honestly surprised they made a club but also im just like tf is a science club.. like im a chem person so thats why im like omg science club but also omg science club 🤢🤮 BECAUSE WHAT I THOUGHT CLUBS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MORE FUN UGGGHHHH whatever im not joining even if during the summer he legit wanted me join so im surprised he hasnt said anything to me but then again im the one who stopped talking to him i cant really expect much and i lowk hope he #stays seven feet away from me #covid #lockdown because i dont want his goofy ahh haircut near me i see him in my fourth period always staring at me …. maybe its a coincidence and hes actually looking at his friend who sits beside me and i swear theyre like #inlove #slowburn #enemiestolovers bc WHY DO THEY GIGGLE AROUND EACH OTHER SM AND THEYRE ALWAYS NEAR EACH OTHER AND U COULD SEE IN THEIR EYES THEYRE LIKE 🤞🤞🤞 YKWIM. but then again thats what everyone said to me about him bc everyone thought he liked me bc of how he looked at me + how he talked to me bc it was “softer” but no he saw me as his best friend who he will get along with for the rest of highschool…!!!!! (he is NOT getting that wish he did me so dirty) like listen i get it i was really close to you and if you just let me confess to you ON MY OWN DECISION then maybe i wouldve still been talking to you and maybe if he also just had more of a personality other than school and his damn guitars like ho no one cares shut up about your damn guitar collection i dont see u caring about my manga and stuffed animal collection..

OHYEAH THAT REMINDS ME LAST YEAR WHILE I WAS HANGING OUT AFTERSCHOOL W HIM CUZ HE WAS WAITING FOR HIS DAD TO COME PICK HIM UP (i stayed afterschool just so he wasnt alone btw i had no reason to be waiting bc my parents cannot pick me up i take THE DAMN BUS) and he randomly blurted out “i dont really like anime…” like bro what do you think i care if you dont??? I REALLT DIDNT UNTIL HE SAID THAT CUZ WHY WOULD YOU RANDOMLY SAY YOU DONT LIKE ANIME LIKE OKAY AM I SUPPOSED TO CARE ????? I STILL THINK ABOUT IT TO THIS DAY BC IT WAS SO RANDOM WE WERE LEGIT TALKING ABOUT ARCTIC MONKEYS AND RELIGION PROJECTS?? like imagine being like “yes so i love arctic monkeys and that one song called-“ “I Hate Anime.” HELP?? LIKE WAS IT WVER THAT DEEP LIKE MAYBE BC I LIKE ANIME A LOT THEN THAYS WHY HE SAID IT LIKE IT WASNA CRIME TO NOT LIKE ANIME but then agajn who am i to judge what someone dislikes

ohyes on the topic of him and how i said id be calling him lead i wanna say the lore of the actual code name HELP i sure damn hope no one from my school/friends know your blog or use tumblr or else theyll probably know who i am but im gonna bet on the fact that they think tumblr is grindr and they dont know anyone here

his code name is (or was??? bc i kinda just refer to his actual name irl) pb which is obv the symbol for lead/plumbum BUT IT TURNED INTO PB BC ID CALL HIM POOKIE BEAR HELP i cant even look at pookie bear the name because of that or pb anymore… like i kinda ruined the element for myself bc plumbum is such a funny name and then i just remember his goofy face ….. LIKE LEGIT WE HAD A LESSON ON SOME RANDOM ELEMENTS AND MY TEACHER WENT ON A WHOLE RANT ABOUT LEAD LIKE HELLO PLEASE STOP I AM HALLUCINATING HIS FACE ATP (okay bachira..) BUT NOW IM SCared for all the future crushes ill get in the future bc what if i end up ruining THE ENIRE PERIODIC TABLE FOR MYSELF LIKE OBVIOUSLY I WONT GET THAT MANY CRUSHES BUT LIKE YOU GET WHAT I MEAN. i mean i already hate chem at this point im fighting my teacher over naming systems and how i legit barely get it because theres so many things to memorize UGH

OKAY DAILT AUESITON TIME BC I JUST YAPPED MY HEART OUT STOP

umumumum which bllk character would have a s/o and make petnames for them but it would be the most cringe code names ever like ummmmm my wittle smoochie smoochie poopoo bear my little pumpkin pie seasoning the toilet to my toilet paper type of thing HELPME

- 🐙

HAII OMGOODNESS THIS IS SO LONG HELPME IM SORRY I DIDNT READ IR YESTERDAY I fell asleep as soon as I got home then spent the night revising for my spanish test which I'm scared for..

SO MUCH YOU HAVE TO DO DANG GIRL DO YOU EVER GET A BREAK? HISTORY?? I hate history

HELP I REMEMBERED WHEN I USED TO GO TO CHURCH IN PRIMARU SCHOOL it was a roman catholic school and the church was literally across the road BUT IN THE CITY THERES ALWAYS LIKE HOMELESS PPL SO EVERYTIME WE CROSSED TO GO OVER TO THE CHURCH THEY ALWAYS STARED AT US now my high school isn't roman catholic it's not even religious.. we do pray tho but not like my old school but I have my rosary in my bag all the time aha!

20 minute walk dang😨 I'm sure jesus is delighted to see yall attend mass HELP

IM GIGGLING they just wanna be extra with the cents!! money grabbers fr...

OMG COOKIES I WANNA MAKE COOKIES I've never before the most I ever made is oreo cheesecake but not the baking kind it was the chilled one

PMAO when I was younger I used to just eat dough idk why.. like when my mommy was making pizza or sada(it's a flat bread I believe its an indian dish but it's common here and it yummy its like a side dish)

omg a science club sounds fun honestly but I don't do science! I say take over the club and become the owner you're better than those side characters

HELP THE HASHTAGS #6ftaway #covidcore ig he stares at you again I'll call my pigeons to pick his eyes out

HELP INLOVE

omg he friend zone you.. I did that once HELP but🤫🤫

HELPME IM GIGFLING he's an oddball fr.. that's like me remaining a random joke that happened 3 weeks ago and start laughing in the middle of a conversation

POOKIE.. BEAR..😨 I saw pb ans thought if peanutbutter help BUT POOKIE BEAR GIRL

HELP bachira core fr...

LMAO THATS WHY I DIDNT GIVE MY CRUSH A CODE NAME my friends just said "mara look your bae!" and I'm LIKE SHADAUP? he's ugly tho idk what I saw I think it was the Christmas spirit that blinded me that year

I LOVE THE YAPPING EVEN THO MY RESPONSES ARE SO SHORT HELP

HELPMEE THE NICKNAMES THE RIGHT THING TO SAY IS SHIDOU I WANNA BE DIFFERENT AND SAY ARYU IDK WHY

[lolatalks1]

wed, dec 6 2023

back again! im a little embarrassed over the fact i trauma dumped at the lunch table today- i mean i didnt want to ruin melanie, ithzel, and alexia's day. but, it just kinda spilled out. lately the aggravation towards my mom's choices just is so overwhelming that i just need to let every single feeling out. i guess i should be grateful i have friends i trust enough to talk about my problems. but their reactions are consoling for me but at the same time make me a little bit- uncomfortable? not in the way their reaction was what i didnt like- its more so that i felt vulnerable to say so much and they actually listened to me.

ive come to realize that my own outlook on my emotions feel like im being dramatic- but im not entirely sure if thats really true. i guess it stemmed from my mom forcing myself to stop crying when i got emotional and at times referred me to being dramatic. but thats something i dont really want to think about now. more so, i feel fucking shitty.

to just start off the unraveling with not only my family, but with my friends- it all went down in avid. i dont like the way i worded that, sounds way too exaggerative and cinematic of my high school girl problems- but whatever. the thing was that me, mad, and mela found out that alexia was in the avid room office during seventh period- which was odd since her class wasnt avid. asking her, we learned fragments about some problems with alexia's mom and school schedule- which in response made mad try to enter the avid office. ms b stopped her, but we were all more than worried for alexia. outside of that- the three of us were talking but suddenly mad went quiet- and i suppose it was ignorant of me to not question what happened. i thought at first it was something familial or with her ex, i really wasnt sure. melanie went quiet too because mad did- and im not good with these situations so i silenced as well. it was heavily awkward- no one spoke up. but ms b called me over, and amusingly to me she asked if i was friends with alexia. of course, i said yes, so ms b gave me the key to the office and let me in the room. ive never seen alexia cry, but today i did. more like i saw the after math of her crying. her eyes were red rimmed, and her cheeks were flushed rosy. oddly enough i thought she looked pretty- not in the way i found her sadness attractive- more so the color of pink on her cheeks. anyways- i wasnt sure on how to console her because alexia is relatively quiet about personal matters- but i managed to make her smile and get her mind off of things with some random topics. i kind of want to know who she really wanted to console her- i mean i dont think she'd want me as her first choice of friend to be there for her. im honestly not sure if she values me as much as i value her in all truth. but thats besides the point. when i left the office because the bell rang, i saw madelyn and mela walking out. then, when catching up with them i finally noticed mad was crying. my heart dropped even more and at that moment i felt even more distraught for my friends. she didnt reveal anything about why she was crying, nor give hint, which i then looked at melanie and automatically knew she knew what happened- which then i pieced together whatever happened with madelyn was during my time with alexia in the office. i felt a little confused, and when i feel something like that i get angry. i guess its a trait i picked up from my mom- i need to work on that. anyways, i was upset because i was left in the dark and nobody was telling me anything- so i didnt know what to do. finally, when me and melanie were heading to history she was repeatedly telling me to not tell madelyn that she told me because mad wanted to tell me personally- but melanie saw i wanted to know. so with a few exchange of words i learned the problem.

madelyn felt left out, again.

i dont understand how to balance friendships, always losing somebody at the cost of another. but fuck, i thought i was doing well at being everyones friend. last year i was leaving melanie out because i didnt know her, but now its madelyn? i truly don't know what the fuck to do. i get lost in the moments of just talking that i dont realize who i leave out the conversation- and now apparently it was madelyn. she told me a few weeks back she felt outcasted when with melanie and me, so i tried to include her more. im guessing i reverted back. i keep thinking and thinking and thinking what happened in avid to set her off- but i truly dont know. i feel like an asshole, a total fake friend. and it's killing me. words of my moms degradation and my own self deprecation was bleeding into my endless searching to find a reason why. was i the problem?

i dont mean to be all selfish in these situations, truly. im not trying to be the main star or whatever of everything. but its the only reason i could find to explain madelyn's situation. mad and melanie were best friends, hell i considered them a package deal with how much i associated the two of them together. madelyn and melanie, melanie and madelyn. i saw no other way. this year i started to talk more with melanie, so we grew closer! i was happy i was finally able to bond with madelyns best friend, because now i didnt feel as though i avoided melanie when with madelyn, but i see now at the cost of bonding with melanie, i lost madelyn.

maybe the saying trios never work is true.

ive come to the conclusion the only way to fix us is to make it how it used to be. i revert back to alexia and ithzel, and i stop intruding on a best friendship. i dont want to ruin what they have, and i dont want to make someone feel outcasted everytime i worm my way into conversations. i cant find middle ground, and i dont want madelyn to cry again because of us. it makes me sick to my stomach, overwhelmed like a bunch of bugs digging into my skin and veins, infecting my way of already depleting mind. i want everyone to be happy. so im going to stop walking with them to class, melanie and madelyn i mean- so they can rebond with each other. ill talk more with ithzel and alexia, and then during avid ill leave them be unless they invite me. in history, then ill talk to melanie, and camryn more like how we were today. ill text madelyn after school and try to find when we can have alone time. like how it used to be. madelyn and melanie, melanie and madelyn. theres no layla in the midst of that. i have alexia and ithzel..? overall, i need to talk to madelyn.

wow, i sound really fucking stupid! feeling like im overthinking everything, but i guess thats just how i live my life in a way.

[crash-cinematic-universe]

Holographic Sand is a Kickass Band Name

pairing: peter maximoff/OC(graciella decuerpo) (high school AU/not canon)

summary: peter learns that a fuckton can change in the course of a week

warnings: none? bad language and peter is simp but thats it

notes **please read**: Heyyyyy how are you doing? good? that’s great. so ik this fic is a peter/oc fic, but honesty i only use her name a few times and a few defining features but like. thats it. so you can totally just imagine urself in her position. also this fic is 5,550 words exactly. that’s the most ive ever written and I am SUPER fucking proud. I think i might become one of those blogs where i write super huge monster fics that im proud of instead of just writing to fill requests.if u dont want that then just lmk and i will not do that. i dont know. maybe. also this fic is peter centric because uh it is. anyways enjoy <3

taglist: @creator-appreciator, @simonsbluee

--------

Monday

           Peter sat across the room, his arms crossed neatly on top of his knees as he rested his chin on his forearm. He wasn’t paying attention to the lesson being taught in front of him, in fact, he wasn’t paying attention to anything at all. No, Peter was lost in his head again. Peter’s mind was a chaotic minefield of music and cheesy one-liners and random facts that he seems to just know. But this time, he wasn’t envisioning himself beating up a police officer or playing with Pink Floyd. This time, he was picturing a perfect world where nothing ever happened yet nothing was ever boring. Peter had built a utopia in his mind-- a kingdom created to his exact preferences. A blissful tower of joy and happiness and energy and satisfaction. A paradise where he stood on top of the world with Graciella DeCuerpo, the pretty girl from algebra  class, standing right next to him.

          Now, Peter was well aware that the pretty girl from algebra  class had no idea who Peter was. The pair had never exchanged more than a few words, but somewhere within those few words, Peter managed to decide that she was his soulmate. He’d created an image of her in his head that would make God weep tears of envy, the perfect personality for the perfect person.  Peter willfully ignored the fact that he was setting himself up for heartbreak as he imagined how nice it would feel to have her fingers intertwined with his. 

           All of Peter’s friends thought he was ridiculous, ‘you can’t love someone you don’t know,’ they’d say. Peter would only scoff and shake away their words. He absolutely can love someone he doesn’t know, it’s getting the other person to reciprocate those feelings that’s nearly impossible. However, that doesn’t stop him from fantasizing at night. That doesn’t stop him from imagining the various ways he’d confess his love to the pretty girl who doesn’t love him. Or maybe she does. Peter doesn’t know, he could never know; unless, of course, he worked up the courage to talk to her. 

          Scott constantly teased Peter about his one-sided infatuation, but Peter paid no mind to him. He was 100% content with his perpetual pining for someone who probably didn’t know his name. He was totally okay with the unending ache in his chest that would appear any time she walked by or met his gaze. Peter was alright with his ceaseless yearning and the eternal feeling of disappointment that overtook him every time he snapped out of one of his fantasies. He was a-okay with all of that.

          So, there he was, spacing out during biology class as Professor Hargreeves struggles to teach the silver teen about photosynthesis. The Professor looked at Peter with desperate eyes, soon deciding that having his usually energetic student be quiet and still was the silver lining of the situation-- no pun intended. Professor Hargreeves droned on as Peter glanced at the clock, counting down the minutes until 7th period. Counting the seconds until he got to see the pretty girl in algebra  class once again.

Tuesday

          6th period was always the worst part of Peter’s day-- the dreaded english class. There were many contributing factors to Peter’s hatred for this class; the professor was a bore, the material itself was uninteresting, and Peter could never seem to sit still or retain any of the words he read in english class. Worst of all, english class seemed to go on forever, leaving Peter to impatiently wait for the bell to ring and release him to 7th period. At the end of the period every day, he was practically vibrating in his seat. 

          “Can anyone tell me what Juliet’s suicide is supposed to symbolize?” the Professor asked expectantly. Peter couldn’t care less about the symbolism of some chick’s suicide-- he’d much rather be studying the features of his algebra  class infatuation. 

          She sat next to him yesterday. There were at least 5 other open seats and she sat next to him. Yes, Peter read too much into it and yes, Peter spent the entire class period trying to make himself seem naturally cool, but he didn’t care. Peter would act like the most desperate, pathetic, lovestruck loser in the world if it meant that she would like him. They didn’t talk, they didn’t exchange a single word, nevertheless, Peter was in a state of euphoria for the entire class period. 

          Sometimes Peter feels like a stalker. He watches her whenever he can-- he doesn’t follow her around or anything, but if she’s around, he’ll stare at her. He has her features memorized, the curve of her nose, the dark brown irises surrounding her pupils, the way that she always seems to have chipped black nail polish on. He sees the small things. He sees the way she bites her nails when he gets bored and he sees the way her leg never seems to stop bouncing. She hums the basslines to songs as opposed to the melody. 

          English class came to an abrupt end as the bell cut off the Professor’s teachings as well as Peter’s distant daydreaming. Peter was out of his seat within seconds, his notes and books quickly being swept up in his arms as he walked out of the room. The hallways are crowded and chaotic and busy, each individual student attempting to get to their locker then to their class on time. Peter watches as kids swing their lockers open, fatigue and weariness apparent on their faces as they disappear into their classrooms. Peter reaches his locker hastily, the few small posters of classic rocks bands adorning the inside of his locker door. A playful giddiness overcame his body as he made his way to algebra  class, a small smile left on his face.

          Graciella shows up across the hallway, her bright red hair catching his eye in a sea of brown and blonde and blue. His stomach flutters as they get closer and closer to each other, finally meeting outside of the classroom. Her eyes rise to meet Peter’s, and instead of pulling away, Peter keeps looking. She smiles at him before disappearing inside the classroom, and Peter felt his knees get weak. With a deep breath and a triumphant smile, he walked into the classroom.

Wednesday

          Lunchtime; possibly one of the most enjoyable parts of Peter’s school day. Peter is free to kick back and stuff his face full of whatever junk the school board deems nutritious enough for highschoolers. Usually, he ate lunch under the bleachers with his friends, but in some sick twist of fate most of them were absent. So, Peter was left to eat alone in his usual spot.

          The quiet was comfortable, refreshing. The gentle summer breeze would blow every few minutes and Peter would listen to the rustle of the leaves. There’s a certain tranquility to being alone; Peter can lay back and relax and just… think. No stress, no panicking, no--

          “Hey, uh, Peter, right?” Peter’s eyes snap up so fast he’s afraid they would detach from his head and fall out. His breath faltered and his hands began to shake a bit-- why was he so freaked out? She was just a girl; sure, she was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, and yeah, he was madly in love with her, but that’s besides the point. 

          “Uh-- uh, yeah, P-Peter. That’s, uh, that’s me,” He chuckled awkwardly, desperately trying to stay cool. Peter was an awkward person, but he’d rather die than fuck up his chances with Grace.

          “You dropped this on your way out of class yesterday, I, uhm, didn’t get to return it to you until now,” She holds out a small key chain with three small keys hanging off of it-- Peter’s house keys, along with the key to his mother’s car. He quickly takes the key chain from the red-haired girl in front of him.

          “Holy shit, uh, thanks! I couldn’t get into my house yesterday so I guess you saved me from another broken window,” Peter held up his hand and showcased the scattered pattern of small cuts on his palm. Grace laughed lightly before gently running her fingers over the cuts on Peter’s palm.

          “Oh fuck, dude, these look pretty bad. Maybe keep a spare key hidden under your welcome mat or something,” Peter doesn’t fully process Grace’s words; he’s too preoccupied with trying not to collapse at the feeling of her fingertips on his palm.

          “Hey, you okay? You look… pale,” Grace pressed the back of her hand on Peter’s forehead in an attempt to check for illness, but that just made Peter’s skin erupt in goosebumps. 

          “I, um, I’m fine. I’m just st-stressed about the algebra  t-test on Friday, I th-think,” To be fair, Peter was stressed about the algebra  test. Peter may or may not have spent the entire class staring at Grace instead of, you know, learning the material.

          “Oh! Well, if you want, I can help you study. I’m also kinda worried about it, and I study better with other people,” Peter silently thanked god for what was happening to him.

          “That would be fuckin’ fantastic,” Grace smiled a smile that made Peter shiver.

          “Cool! Uh, I’ll give you my phone number and we’ll meet up tomorrow. One day isn’t much time to study, but it’s better than nothing.” She pulls a pen out of her backpack and rips a small piece of paper out of one of her notebooks. Peter watches as she scribbles down her phone number and hands the paper to him.

          “Thanks. For everything, the keys, the studying-- everything.” Grace smiled.

          “It’s no problem, Peter, really. I’ll call you later,” And just like that, she walked away. Peter was left alone under the bleachers, a wide smile plastered on his face as he read the piece of paper in his hands over and over and over again.

Thursday

          30 minutes. 30 minutes until Grace Reaper DeCuerpo, the prettiest, nicest, funniest girl Peter had ever met would show up on his doorstep. She would be inside his house for god knows how long. She would sit next to Peter-- either on the coffee table in the basement or on the floor of his bedroom. Needless to say, Peter was freaking the fuck out.

          The plan was simple: Grace shows up, they study, they get comfortable, and she goes home. Yet, in those four simple steps, so much could go wrong. Wanda could interrupt, his mother could lose her temper, Lorena could start crying-- worst of all, Peter could embarrass himself and drive her away. 

           Peter was in the middle of reorganizing his record collection for a third time when he heard a knock at the door. His blood went cold and an electric excitement ran through his veins. Peter checked his hair in the mirror one last time before running to the door. He stood silently, staring at the chrome handle hesitantly. This was his one chance. His only chance to make his perfect kingdom real-- Peter really, really, really didn't want to fuck it up. With a deep breath, he slowly opened the door.

          "Hey, Peter!" Her voice was smooth and melodic and it made Peter's heart light up. He’s about to respond with something smooth and witty when a squeaky voice chirps behind him.

         “Hi!! Are you the pretty girl Peter talks about?” Peter can physically feel his face turn bright red as he turns to see his six-year-old sister, Lorena, standing behind him. She’s wearing a purple princess dress that has a syrup stain on the sleeve. Grace laughs before stepping through the doorway. 

          “Lorena!” Peter groans in annoyance, a pleading look on his face. The young girl just giggles before scurrying away, her dress flowing behind her.

          “‘The pretty girl Peter talks about’, huh?” Grace grins at Peter cheekily. Peter runs his hand through his hair before motioning to the staircase.

          “God, Lorna is quite the kid. Well, uh, we can work in my room,” He sighs. “And Grace? Uh, m-maybe don’t let Lorena change your opinion of me,” She just smirks before walking past Peter.

          “Too late,” She called before disappearing down the stairs. Peter could hear the faintest trace of a smile in her voice. His heart skipped a beat as he quickly followed after her. 

          She was wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt and holding a backpack with various pins on it-- her left ear was pierced in three places and her right in five. The earrings she was wearing were black, or maybe grey; her bright red hair blocked Peter’s view of them. She was wearing rings, some odd words engraved in the metal. Peter couldn’t read them from where he was standing. She was wearing a skirt with fishnets, her hand buried in the pockets that seem to have been sewn in herself. She has callouses on both her hands, but Peter knew that already. Her appearance would put Aphrodite to shame-- suddenly, Peter was much less confident in himself than he was before. He ran his hand through his hair again before reaching the basement.

          He held his breath as Grace looked around his room, her gaze lingering on the plethora of stolen signs and band posters covering the walls. She placed her backpack on the floor and walked over to Peter’s record collection, her fingers carefully flitting through the different albums. She seemed… impressed. It was then that Peter realized it had been silent for much too long.

          “Y’know I can, uh, p-play some music if you want me to. You can just pick a record and, uh, I’ll... play it,” Peter winced at his words, cursing himself for being so awkward in front of the girl he’d been pining after since the beginning of the year. He felt like everything had spiraled out of control, and he watched idly as it happened. Then, Grace shot him a smile and pulled out a record.

          “You have a good taste in music, Silver,” No one had ever called Peter ‘silver’ before. He liked it a bit more than he should. “Although, that’s not really a surprise. I had a feeling you were cool.” 

          “You think I’m cool?” Peter asked, shocked. He wasn’t sure he heard her correctly.

          “Oh, totally. I see you in the hallways sometimes and you always seem so… carefree. Genuine. I don’t know, I guess it’s just… you, ya know? You’re naturally cool.” Every syllable that rolled off her tongue shot euphoria through Peter’s veins. Grace DeCuerpo, the girl Peter Maximoff had dreamed of for almost a full year, was telling him that she thought he was cool. Naturally cool. 

          “I know a lot of people who would disagree with you on that one,” Peter joked. There was truth behind his humor, but of course, he didn’t want to get into his insecurities now. “They think I’m a total loser, which isn’t totally wrong I guess.”

          “Well those people are stupid,” She stated matter-of-factly with a smile. “Speaking of stupid, we should probably get to work.” Peter nodded before sitting beside her on the floor. 

          For three hours they poured over their algebra  books. They quizzed each other and checked each other’s work; Peter’s proficiency in simplifying radicals aiding them both. Every now and then their hands would brush against each other, or the conversation would stray away from school and into their personal lives. Peter learned that Grace had two brothers, one of which passed away when she was younger. Peter talked about Lorena and Wanda and his miraculous abilities in the same way that she talked about her hometown and her own abilities. The conversation was smooth and natural-- Peter didn’t feel like he was being too annoying or too chatty and there was seldom an awkward pause. The pair were content in their time together, not a single moment went by where one wished the other would leave. 

          Eventually, Grace had to go home. Peter wished that she could stay forever, but of course, that would be considered kidnapping. He walked her to the door, although Peter didn’t feel like he was walking. He felt like he was floating.

          “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, Silver,” Grace said softly as she turned to face Peter. She looked him in the eye and he could feel his stomach flutter. 

          “Yeah, I guess so,” She opened the door, but before she left, she froze. She turned to look at Peter once again. 

          “Peter?” she said. “You’re not a loser.”

Friday

          Peter could tell the second he walked through the front door of his high school that something had changed. The energy that radiated in the halls shifted from a dull buzz of boredom to a rush of anticipation. The students in the hallway looked the same as always; tired and anxious and wishing for the day to go by quickly. However, Peter wasn’t wishing for the end of the day, and he certainly wasn’t tired. He was determined and energized and absolutely terrified, because that morning Peter Maximoff made the most important decision a seventeen-year-old could. He decided that he was going to ask Grace out on a date. 

          Peter made the choice to keep this from his friends-- it’s not that he didn’t trust them, it’s just that Peter knew he would be teased for his infatuation. It’s happened before and it will happen again. He walked down the hallways with a brave face on, his eyes forward and his heart racing. Truthfully, the silver teenager was terrified of… well, everything. The looming image of a harsh rejection forced itself into his mind; the idea that she would laugh in his face made his heart break a tiny bit, even though it wasn’t real. Peter simply shook those images away and walked on. 

          The day flew by much faster than Peter was comfortable with, and for the first time ever, he was dreading algebra  class. He was terrified that he would walk through the door and have everything be exactly the same-- he feared that Grace would go back to not knowing who he was, just like before. Peter was alright with never being her boyfriend, but he didn’t want to be a stranger. He didn’t think he could take being a stranger anymore. 

            So, there he stood, staring at the door to his algebra classroom from across the hall. He felt confident and prepared himself for the task at hand. In four long strides, he entered the classroom. Grace was sitting next to an empty desk, her eyes stuck on the small notebook full of doodles on her desk. Peter watched as her eyes raised to meet his, a wide smile forming on her face as she motioned him over. 

          “Hey, silver! I saved a seat for ya,” she called, and Peter felt his knees get weak. He then decided that he would wait until after class to ask her out. 

          “You did?”

          “Of course,” She grinned. “I like you, dude, you’re my friend,” Peter’s heart fluttered as he sat down beside her. Grace shot an odd look his way before reaching out and placing a hand on his arm. “Hey, you look stressed. Don’t sweat it, silver, you’ll do fine. We studied for, like, 3 hours yesterday. You’re gonna ace it,”

          To be frank, Peter had forgotten all about the test. The real reason he looked so stressed was because he happened to be sitting next to the love of his life, and the love of his life happened to be touching his arm. 

          “O-oh! Uh, yeah, thanks. I was just nervous because of… the test,” The bell rang and class began, the professor strictly laying down the rules that were to be followed while the test was in session. Peter could feel the lingering touch of her hand on his skin. It made his head feel fuzzy.

          Peter soon came to learn that sitting next to Grace during a test was a huge mistake. He couldn’t focus on anything other than her-- it didn’t help that she kept shooting him glances from where she sat. The numbers and letters on the paper in front of him seemed to rearrange before his eyes, instead spelling out various taunts. He feels a little pathetic for how easily Grace can unravel him, but hey, he’s a teenager. 

          The silver-haired boy’s eyes were struggling to decipher the words on his page when a small folded square landed on his desk. It came from Grace’s direction, and a small smirk had formed on her lips as she solved equations. Hesitantly, he unfolded the paper and read the neatly written message.

          Hey silver :)

          Peter smiled softly. He quickly pulled a pad of post-it notes out of his backpack and scribbled down a quick reply.

          I have no idea what I’m doing. I think Professor Stedman decided to write our tests in hieroglyphics this time.

          He flicked the note onto her desk and quickly turned his face downward. Class would be over soon, and Peter knew he couldn’t turn in a blank test. He uses his enhanced speed to do his assessment in seconds. Sure, he was almost certain he’d barely reach a passing grade, but hey, he had bigger matters to focus on. By the time he finished, another note landed on his desk.

          That bad, huh? Looks like we better study longer next time. 

          Peter’s heart swelled a bit. He really thought the study sessions were a one-time thing. He’s overjoyed to know he’ll get to see Grace semi-regularly, even if he never manages to ask her out.

          I think I’d rather hang out with you without the looming threat of schoolwork. 

          That’s the closest Peter could get to asking her out. He put deep thought into every word, he examined the phrasing and checked the spelling of every word. His english teacher would be proud.

          That can be arranged ;) 

          Peter had no idea that four words could make him feel so much. He had no idea that 17 letters could make him want to scream in the middle of a silent testing period. His hand was shaking and his careful planning was abandoned as he scribbled back a reply.

          Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?

          Patiently, he waited. He waited for Grace to finish writing her response and he waited for her to toss the note back over. He didn’t wait for more than a few minutes, but it felt like hours. He was panicking, and he was sure she could tell. She was probably joking, right? She was probably writing an awkward clarification-- she was probably explaining that she would actually rather die than be around him for non-academic reasons. He braced himself as the yellow post-it landed on the center of his desk.

          My aunt owns a drive-in a few miles from here and she gave me keys to the projector room and the gate. She managed to snag a copy of The Exorcist-- I thought you’d like to join me during my midnight escapade tomorrow night.

          Peter’s heart stopped. For a moment, he thought his eyes were fooling him. Maybe this was all some sick joke. Maybe he was being set up. Maybe he’ll get in her car tomorrow and she’ll drive him into the woods and murder him. To be completely honest, Peter wouldn’t mind if she murdered him. Peter wrote his reply.

          Really? You want me there? I might be a drag. You could probably find at least 20 other people who would probably be more interesting than me.

          Grace frowned at his response, and suddenly Peter decided he never wanted to see her frown again. She wrote confidently, her words solid and sure.

          You? A drag? Impossible. I don’t want to be alone, and I don’t want to be with anyone other than you, Maximoff. 

          This note was his undoing. He couldn’t help himself, he read it over and over and over again-- he almost forgot to respond. He wanted to hold onto it forever, he wanted it to be framed and hung on his wall. Hell, he wanted it tattooed on his arm. Peter had never been so happy while taking a test, that’s for sure. He wasn’t sure exactly what to say; he went from heartfelt responses to witty retorts. Finally, he decided to be totally and completely honest.

          I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Saturday 

          There was seldom a time in his life where Peter Maximoff felt wholly content. Even in the most peaceful moments, there was always something bothering him, there was always something to pull him back to reality. However, sitting in the back of Grace’s dad’s convertible with the seats down and the roof pulled back, his head resting on her shoulder as they watched a cheesy horror movie, Peter was as close to nirvana as he’d ever been. 

          Life had always been so hard for Peter. He’s always had to fight for his seat at the table, to claw his way into a state of mind that wasn’t a hellhole. It seemed as if the world was plotted against him; he was ostracized from society and taught that he, along with his closest family and friends, were monsters. He never met his father and his mother spent so long fighting her own battles that she forgot to love her kids. Peter had to steal to stay fed, and he had to do his best to raise his little sisters to be good people. But right there, right then? That wasn’t hard. Peter didn’t have to be anyone or do anything-- he just had to exist next to someone who wanted him. That was the easiest thing Peter had ever done.

          Peter wasn’t exactly sure how he got there. Of course, he knew that they had driven to the drive-in, but he wasn’t sure how he was the person next to Grace. They had spoken for one day, maybe two, and somehow he landed himself in the most perfect spot in the entire universe. Less than a week ago, she didn’t even know his name. Or, maybe she did. Maybe she was just like Peter-- maybe she had spent the past year pining for him, and finally she worked up the nerve to just talk to him. Maybe. Peter isn’t complaining either way.

          “Can I ask you a kind of cheesy question?” Peter is startled by the sound of his own voice. Grace sits up and glances at him.

          “Shoot,”

          “Do you-- well, uh, don’t read too much into this, but, do you believe in love at first sight?” God, he sounded awkward. 

          “Nope,” She said bluntly. Peter wasn’t expecting that answer, but he wasn’t exactly disappointed by it. “I mean, it’s kind of a stupid idea, ya know? Like, isn’t there a million poems and sonnets and books written about how love is this weird complicated monster of a feeling? I don’t think you can really love someone just by looking at them. You can love the idea of a person, sure, or maybe the look of a person, but you can’t love that person. Because a person is so much more than ‘first sight’,” she sighs. “I don’t know, maybe I’m being a killjoy. It just seems dumb to me-- dumb and, I don’t know, exclusive,”

          Peter stops to think for a moment. He steps out of his lovesick chaotic hellbrain and looks at his feelings from an outside perspective. He thinks back to the kingdom he created in his brain-- a kingdom built on a foundation of sand. Or, less than sand. Holographic sand, because the sand he built his kingdom on wasn’t real. He made a mental note that ‘Holographic Sand’ is a kickass band name, then resumed his impromptu soul-searching. She was right-- he could see  that now. Scott was right, too. You really can’t love someone you don’t know, because if you don’t know them, you fill in the gaps. You fill in the gaps with what you think fits, and then the other person stops being them and starts being parts of you. Peter suddenly felt weird.

          “I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” Grace interjects after a while. Peter hadn’t realized he’d been silent for so long.

          “You didn’t say anything wrong. On the contrary, you, uh, you made things a little bit more… right, in my brain. You somehow managed to take a little chunk of chaos and tame it, which is scarily impressive,” he joked. “Remind me to ask you your opinion on the meaning of life and the root of true happiness,” They’re joined in a chorus of laughter and Peter realizes that his little brain kingdom didn’t hold a candle to the red convertible he was sitting in. She slings an arm around his shoulders.

          “Y’know, I might not know the meaning of life, but I am pretty close to true happiness right now,” She says, softer than before. “Maybe the root of true happiness is you, Maximoff,” She chuckles. Peter smiles. He doesn’t want the ruin the moment-- god, he is desperately trying to keep himself from fucking it up, but he feels obligated to tell her about his year of pining.

          “Hey, uh, can I tell you something kinda pathetic?” He cringes at the way his voice trembled on the last word. 

          “Go ahead, Peter,” She used his name this time. Peter thinks she knows he’s about to say something mildly serious.

          “I’ve liked you since, like, the beginning of the year. You seemed so… cool. So nice. I saw you in the hallways and my stomach would get all twisted up and my head would hurt a little bit. It was like I was allergic to you, but I enjoyed it. That sounds weird. I’m sorry,” He stopped for a moment, attempting to take the buzzing mass of words in his brain and string them into a sentence. “I was too afraid to talk to you, so I, uh, asked around. I got other people’s opinions of you and then built a little version of you in my brain. I realize now that, uhm, the little brain version of you is like, way way worse than actual you,”

          When you talked to me the first time, you threw me off. I wasn’t really nervous about the test-- I mean, yeah I was nervous but that’s not why I looked so pale. I just wasn’t expecting for you to talk to me, like, willingly. So I lied because I was embarrassed. And I lied again in class yesterday. Because I was embarrassed,” He stopped talking. Peter felt like he was digging himself into a hole-- he felt like he killed the sweet sugary mood. 

          “Why are you telling me this?” Grace asked. She didn’t sound angry. She sounded a little confused, and she sounded like she was trying to help Peter decipher his brain. 

          “I don’t know, I guess I just feel bad. I feel bad for, uh, for not being honest I guess. I feel bad for being a coward,” Yep, definitely killed the mood.

          “Peter, you shouldn’t feel bad for being afraid, you know,” She assures. “I would’ve done the exact same thing in your position. Hell, I did do the exact same thing in your position,” That caught Peter’s attention.

          “What?”

          “You didn’t drop your keys in algebra. You dropped them somewhere in bio and my friend found them. She was gonna take them to the office, but I wanted an excuse to talk to you, so I said I’d return them,” Peter couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was being pranked, he had to be. “Being awkward and weird is like a requirement in high school. Don’t sweat it, Maximoff, really. We’re all the same in that way, I think,”

          Peter felt a wave of relief wash over him. He was feeling too much at that moment, he was letting the bad drown out the good. He didn’t want to remember the day in a sad light.

          “I like you. A lot. Even if you are awkward and weird,” He smiles softly. Slowly, ever so slowly, he intertwined his fingers with those of the girl beside him. It was a simple display of affection, but it made Peter feel like he was floating.

          “I like you too, dork,” Peter smiled widely before placing his head back on Grace’s shoulder. Peter wasn’t paying attention to the movie, in fact, he wasn’t paying attention to anything at all. No, Peter was lost in his head again-- but this time, he wasn’t standing on a false kingdom with a false version of the girl he liked. No, this time, he was thinking about the very real girl beside him. He was thinking about the perfect world they had created in the small car they were in; a perfect world where he felt so much emotion and so, so safe. They had built a utopia in the back seat- a blissful tower of awkwardness and comfort and clumsy confessions. A paradise where he sat in the back seat of a Ford Galaxie with Graciella DeCuerpo, the pretty girl from algebra class, sitting right next to him. 

[unexpectedcronchiness]

part 10 of drabbles from the chat my dudes i love wolfstar

Big thanks to @remusjohnblack-fics for the idea and premise and sorry in advance for the bad french

remus knew that it could have been worse. "Bonjour", the word said in an aristocratic scrawl on his collar bone. Since he could begin even thinking about his soulmate he had decided that he would not be ignorant and that he would know everything there was to know about the language and country. but still, could remus ever visit france then? I mean it's hello, everybody says hello. if he were to go to france would it be the first person he'd see? Maybe that was what needed to happen? so he put it off, and continued his learning from afar. 

By 18 remus was an expert in everything french and decided it was time to meet his soulmate so he enrolled in a french university and hopefully that would be that. Tonight however, he didn't have to worry about any of that. It was his going away dinner with his family, and that was all that mattered. They were in a small, cheesy french restaurant that his parents had picked out ("you'll be able to eat good french food everyday darling, we won't, indulge us.") they were waiting for their waiter, the smells of fresh bread wafting throughout the restaurant. Finally the young man had shown up and, well, damn, to put it simply. Sometimes remus wished he hadn't decided to save everything for his soulmate (as many did, but others chose to experiment to see what they liked or to make their future soul mate happy) because when he saw the tall, aristocratic, silver eyed, raven haired waiter, he could feel himself flushing. His soulmate wouldn't look like that, he thought, a tinge of sadness lurking through him. Waving that odd thought away he turned his attentions back to the present. The waiter, sirius black, his name tag said. His handwriting was pretty, and a little familiar, wait-

"Bonjour" remus gaped, and his collarbone tingled, no,no, no way at all- "Welcome to bon voyage hunger, ill be your waiter for the evening, sorry for the wait..." his parents were listening happily, why should they be doing any different, he hadn't shared what his tattoo said, they just knew it was something french. And the way he said it, in the thickest faux french accent that only a british man could do and it all set remus off

"J'ai appris l'intégralité de la langue française, la culture française pour être putain de gentil et il s'avère que votre britannique et vous venez de valser ici" Bonjour "bonjour mon cul c'est de la connerie juste ici-"

(("I learned the entirety of the french language, french culture to be fucking nice and it turns out your british and you just waltz in here "Bonjour" hello my ass, this is some fuckery right here-"))

the waiter-sirius- gasped, and gripped his hand, and then started laughing, with an amused glint in his eyes. "well thats one mystery solved then" He grinned and continued "on dirait que nous avons eu la même idée, quelques faux français nous sommes" in flawless french

((looks like we had the same idea, a couple of fake frenchies we are))

remus flushed, he had not expected him to understand him, much less reply and oh god this was ridiculous they had both learned french to answer the other that had learned french just to answer- this was so confusing

remus's parents heads were whipping back and forth between the two of them, know something had just happened while also not knowing why their son had blown up at the poor waiter

"puis-je le voir ... votre marque qui est... voir voici la mienne" sirius whispered, pulling off his gloves

(can i see it... your mark that is... see here's mine)

sirius held his hand out for remus to read and sure enough, in remus's loopy sloppy cursive there was his paragraph. the words looks so small and bunched together and remus couldn't help but feel a little guilty

Remus nodded, slowly he took off his jacket, unbuttoned his shirt, and slid it over to the side just enough to make out the word.

Remus's parents gasped understanding what had just happened

Sirius gazed appreciatively over remus's collar, and then he looked up and caught remus's eyes. "so" he said breaking the silence finally and slid into the booth next to remus "my name's sirius black, obviously." he gestured to his name tag and in general. "what's yours darling?"

darling? remus thought, that was rather forward he sniffed. then he sighed because no it wasn't. "it's remus, remus lupin." then he added "snookums" dryly and deadpan, just for good measure.

sirius laughed at this "oh gods you're better than i ever hoped" this caused remus to blush "How can you say that we've only known eachother a period of practically 15 minutes that's ridiculous-" sirius cut him off "I'm an excellent judge of character, pudding" he smirked and popped the p on pudding, close to remus's ear. remus couldn't help it, he shivered, and blushed, looking away. sirius noticed this reaction and grinned to himself, obviously pleased but then he looked nervous "Besides, we've got the rest of our lives to prove my point...right?"

"well of course-" remus began but then the impact of sirius's words hit him

"y-yes" he said softly after a brief paus

someone cleared their throat

oh, whoops

mr lupin was looking slightly shook, but mrs. lupin was highly amused and she continued "well remus, i think we'll leave the two of you to talk then"

they got up and left "but- wa-wait" he protested meekly

"afraid of being alone with me then?" sirius joked, but remus could tell he was nervous that that was the truth.

"no" remus elaborated after gathering himself "not at all, pookie. It's just this was supposed to be our goodbye meal before i left for university in paris and-" "oh shit i shouldn't have interrupted maybe they're still outside we can go get them and wait did you say going to paris-" oh whoops remus thought again "nonono its ok, i mean you're my bloody soulmate, they understand and uh yeah, paris-" "oh thank god that's such a relief i had no idea how i was going to break it to you i was moving to paris for university either, thats a relief" sirius cut in, a weight lifted off his shoulders

then sirius added "muffin" for good measure

remus couldn't help it, he laughed, he laughed at the whole thing, it was rather ridiculous, he found his soulmate in a restaurant called "bon voyage hunger" and he didn't speak french and they had already dove head first into pet names and he was gorgeous and seemed like a genuinely good person, it was just too much

"ahem, so what university are you going t-o...in -pa-paris" remus started to say after he had gathered himself but started stuttering as he turned to look at sirius who was staring at remus with such an intense fondness that remus couldn't help but blush again. god dammit he'd practically spent the whole night with his newfound soulmate blushing and stuttering.

"hmm, oh um Paris college of art, i want to be a sculptor" "th-the paris college of art? you're serious" sirius grinned goofily at this and said "why yes, yes i am, pleased to meet you" remus groaned but continued "so am i, i want to study art though im not sure which area specifically yet, they're all so interesting and fun and i love them all theres too many but i don't have the money to major in literally everything and each of them convey emotions in such a different way and i just-"

remus was aware that he had started rambling but stopped when he felt a soft tentative hand on his

"that's bloody excellent remus, really" and then he looked nervous again. he seemed to constantly be switching between confident and apprehensive yet remus found it endearing. "and uh" he coughed, "you don't have to worry about money, i mean if you want you could study everything for the rest of your life and we could live, well uh, lavishly to say the least, um im kind of bloody rich i guess...." he trailed off, clutching remus's hand

"did-did you just offer to be my sugar daddy?” remus could not believe it

sirius laughed "not intentionally,and i prefer the term, caring supportive spouse to be , maybe to sugar daddy?"

"spouse to be, you're rather confident aren't you"

"i'm not saying we have to get married or anything im just-" "oh gods you already have a ring don't you" "-no!" "YOU DO" "no i doN"T" remus felt a surge of confidence and dug his hand into sirius coat pocket. sirius yelped at remus who was now practically on his lap "damn remus we're in a restaurant im not big int exh-" "aha found it!" remus pulled out a silver ring case and handed it to sirius "if you're going to propose to me, you better do it full on" this time it was sirius's turn to stutter and blush

"it wasn't supposed to be an engagement ring more like an uh" he trailed off, clearly embarrassed. Remus couldn't resist teasing him "oh, so you don't want to get married to me" he pouted, just a little "Oh gods no i want to marry you so bad i just didn't know if you would so it's it's more like a promise ring maybe?" that stopped remus in his tracks

sirius greatfully took the pause to gather himself and got on one knee "Remus lupin, shit i don't know if you're supposed to get on your knee for a promise ring, i don't know if im proposing or just- shit just,  i promise to be yours, do you want to be mine?"

"oui vous beau salaud" (yes you handsome bastard)

"but i refuse to get officailly married at 18, so you're just going to have to wait and sit your pretty little ass back down" sirius's smile glowed as he said "I would wait eternity and back for you remus"

THE END

[nozomijoestar]

Transcribed and formatted for readability the master thesis between me and @wlwclem​ on the nuances to NaraTrish together and as individuals being why we love it and respect it not being CompHet- we spent way too much Big Brain Energy on it to not share 

tw: brief mention of F-Slur when giving an example on toxic masculinity being bullshit, sexuality is briefly discussed in a non sexualizing way and in no graphic detail

*insert IM TRISH KIN BUCCIARATI joke here*

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:45 PM

JDDBSJDBD YES bc ofc she gotta be Reassuring but at the same time his Himboism Knows No Bounds One of the lines in EoH u can give her is “Go get me an Italian Vogue magazine too while you’re at it” and I’m like. Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:46 PM

JDHDHDF BDE Narancia whipped Narancia stands no chance

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:46 PM

OH FOR REAL one of HIS victory lines is something about getting all the stuff for her lmao And this is like even if she isn’t in the battle, Always Thinking Of His Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:50 PM

Trish decides to test the limits of this and his ability to recognize them by asking for impossible or nonexistent items/feats and when he continues to try for her without question she realizes she has too much power and must restrain it fjdjjdjfjf Can't turn into Dad

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:51 PM

JDBDBSJS The color palette changes while she has an inner monologue while she watches him try to make her happy

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:53 PM

"Oh my god Bucciarati was right...he's too loyal for his own good I need to stop even if it's a little fun"   Meanwhile Narancia: growing more and more frustrated with himself for perceived failure to someone he loves

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:55 PM

She stops for the most part but does it every so often bc it’s cute

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:56 PM

Lucky to have a freak like dat I feel like the only thing that can counter this self defeatism Narancia can get (bc his younger childhood...ofc he's fucked up and anxious and paranoid abt not being enough or abandoned) is Trish having to open her own repressed self up and love the shit out of himLike those reassuring lines she has in EoH and her moments in the anime/manga Bruno fucking does it as his father figure and Narancia admits it gives him strength

December 19, 2019

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:04 AM

Yes, he feels like he has to prove his worth and like he’s worth having around otherwise he’s useless, i def feel like he would not like talking about the stuff that happened in the past with everyone bc he would feel ashamed and stupid or st, he needs to be told You Are Enough and her to open up too so they can lean on each other

nozomijoestarToday at 12:12 AM

Honestly no jokes for a second I feel like this is also abt breaking toxic masculinity bc it's fucking Italy in the early 00s just out of the 90s...it was RIFE rifer than even now with that shit like in much of the world then too, the idea that a boy becoming a man and men in general need to strictly follow dumbass self harming rules

 especially abt not opening up and only having real priorities for earning money, honoring family, and procreating as much as possible whether it's marriage making a family or "having sexual conquests" in promiscuity, anything outside of this bullshit image can't be tolerated and you might as well be a woman or "a fag" if you don't assert some fictional narrative of trying extremely hard to have power in everything bc that's all that matters is the ridiculous idea of Alpha Males applied to humans 

Narancia being a 80s- 90s kid with the childhood he had did not give him much fighting chance at all in this context and time period  esp just bc he happened to be born with a dick and thus saddled with these harmful expectations society made that could've only further repressed his recognition of not beating himself up and his own emotional needs on top of EVERYONE ever betraying him Where was he supposed to go? He can't go anywhere unless he meets Bruno

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:18 AM

yes i agree..... like, males being looked down upon for opening up, being societally forced to shoulder the burdens and “man up” and just deal with it and fix everything. And then already having a toxic support system with his “friend” betraying him and his dad Sucking Major Ass, all he’s been taught is deal with it but hasn’t been given the tools to know how, and if Bruno didn’t meet him he honestly would be so stuck, what person (esp in that time period) is going to go out of their way to help an uneducated young male?

nozomijoestarToday at 12:20 AM

Even if it tragically ends with his death in canon I feel like the time he spent with Bruno's bois, Giorno, and Trish was huge in making some of that crack little by littleBc he has moments where you see how sweet he actually is, his "real" personality if you will underneath all the unresolved anger when he's with ppl he sees love him and give him hope When Giorno said No One Is Going To Hurt You Anymore that just made me cry harder

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:23 AM

Yes! Like, ofc he gets angry, has unrepressed rage and reactions to things, he hasn’t had any type of emotional support in SO long and it’s not like it’s 100% fantastic in that regard with buccigang (which don’t get me wrong they are family but they are still in an aggressive gang and go off and give each other lots of shit)-YEAH AND THE FUCKIGN PLANT GROWING TOO IM

nozomijoestarToday at 12:25 AM

Trish is legit I think the one person aside from Giorno who would treat him without even the gang's aggressiveness Narancia is my fav in VA even if Bruno is the best written VA character bc he's me, this kind of shit in my life is why I developed PTSD undiagnosed since my childhood that only kept getting worse until only this year have I gotten any true help I know exactly how he feels 

Esp when you think your whole life exists to serve others never yourself NaraGio shippers I see y'all argument even if I don't follow it tbh, Gio was again the only one besides Trish to consistently care for Nara in day to day and when he was in danger and esp during the Clash and Talking Heads fight Gio was the one dude present like No Narancia It's Ok Please Tell Me What's Wrong You're Clearly Stressed

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:31 AM

yeah although i haven’t experienced it i can still empathize and try to understand, i think there’s so many layers of protection and walls that most people never truly look past it to see the root cause or true self YES that fight was so frustrating bc they were all like Narancia stop being an idiot when something was clearly wrong and he was obviously in distress!!

nozomijoestarToday at 12:32 AM

Also Gio was the only one who first asserted that No, Narancia did the right thing in fighting Formaggio

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:33 AM

Yes and with that whole interaction the gang often uses Narancia as the scapegoat essentially and just give him shit for every little thing without trying to understand his POV

nozomijoestarToday at 12:33 AM

The Clash fight tbh I feel was an ass pull set up to give Narancia his big bad ass loyalty proving moment even if it's a great fight that beginning part is...only the Trish and Gio interactions rly make sense fjdjdjI wish him and Giorno hung out more or I guess more like talked more bc you can't rly hang out when you're getting assassinated every day hfgdg

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:36 AM

Yeah hdkdb, even with Fugo, even tho he found him and brought him to Bruno, he still calls him a dumbass, stabs him with a fork and shit, and then with Mista even tho I feel like they are Like Bros, he destroys Narancia’s radio for no fucking reason and also has a pattern of taking shit Narancia paid for without paying him backI def agree with that, I feel like Giorno interactions were lacking in that there really weren’t many one on one meaningful things so it’s hard for me to grasp his personal headspace and relationships a lot of the time

nozomijoestarToday at 12:37 AM

However to be a little more fair to the Bucci gang the manga version has Narancia trying a lot lot more to get their attention in logical ways that unfortunately Talking Heads completely ruins, he tried writing to let them know what was happening and TH warped the text into him saying vulgar things bragging abt his dick being a powerful Stand

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:38 AM

Yeah I was gonna add I wasn’t sure if the manga had other stuff, tbf

nozomijoestarToday at 12:38 AM

I think this is also Shounen Tropes of the 90s at play too the "child" character was often written as the comic relief dumbass Narancia suffers it so it does add a layer of Not Good to his relationships The trope still exists tbh Anime cut out him writing I assume bc it's too sexual It's already pushing it having him whip it out and piss in front of everyone jfhdhd

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:41 AM

Yeah you right, it’s like the i want it to be that deep meme, like Araki obvi doesn’t have him only as comic relief but if he delved into his character more there would’ve been so much more that could’ve been done and shown YEAH DJDBDJDJF I WAS SURPRISED THT WAS ANIMATED

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nozomijoestarToday at 12:51 AM

Ok but to get back on track with where I was trying to go even opening this all up is how it's critical to NaraTrish in a mutually beneficial way

nozomijoestarToday at 1:01 AM

Nara is no incel he's a King obvs but he is also at heart a confused scared kid uncertain of anything in the world beyond what's closest in his grasp and without someone actively believing in and validating him he can't fully achieve awareness of healthy dynamics and even the problems within the ones he already has with his gang and Bruno- Trish doesn't have to babysit him and be the stereotypical The Woman Only Supports And Gives Up Her Body bc thats never her and couldn't be her and Narancia wouldn't make her that way bc even when he kinda touches on that (giving in a bit to the idea that men are the main protectors of women) when he gets too fixated on wanting what he thinks is for her wellbeing he does snap out and acknowledge he's wrong bc 

Trish by her independent nature and tremendous Will proves those stereotypes are bullshit, not even factoring in their first meeting as already making a huge impression on his beliefs of what girls can do- Trish knowing how to challenge him by staying true to herself yet having the compassion to help someone suffering and with fewer chances from birth than she had would not only win him over but give him something even Bruno can't, self sustaining confidence, bc Trish isn't part of a chain of command, she's just a girl in love with a boy who wants him to be happy and that concept while foreign to him for so long once it kicks in he could actually learn to build himself For himself and For someone who wouldn't use him for some greater schemes or dirty work, 

I love Bruno ok he's one of the best characters in anything ever but his flaw in his ability to help motivate ppl is tied to that fact that he's bringing them into a dangerous strict order of command to Serve not entirely in a place/way that lets them just be themselves and realize organic loving relationships with anyone and themselves SO

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:05 AM

they’re healing...... being shown love without a position of authority or any obligations is so powerful for his growth

nozomijoestarToday at 1:25 AM

That all being said, Everything Trish does he's paying attention to, she keeps him alive during the Grateful Dead fight not because she needs him to serve for a cause ( a cause might I add even Bruno the near saint he is was ready to let Nara go right then and there for bc death is in the job description) but because she doesn't know him well yet and shit he even swung a knife at her when they first met over who was in the bathroom, but he's a person suffering and in pain and to let him die even if it's Expected Of The Mission is garbage to her even if she respects Bruno down the line as a father compared to fucking evil Diavolo,

 Trish constantly goes out her way to do these things for Nara bc Trish instinctively knows he's the most vulnerable mentally and her sense of compassion and justice (likely something Donatella made sure to instill in her before her death by cherishing Trish and spoiling her even as a single mother) will not stand to not help someone when she could've- and he reciprocates it even if in disbelief bc he can tell This Person Is Safety, This Person Is Like Me Yet Not, A Better Me I Want To Be, by the time he's about to die someone with his fragile mind was actually gaining conviction about taking control for himself on his own terms and he would risk even those chances to defend the person who actually helped him arrive there (along with Gio) in the first place, 

I think by the end of his life he rly did love her or start to, it being romantic or not is up to individual interpretation to which you know I'm in the romance camp, point is he found someone who truly taught him strength without him fully realizing it and did so without belittling him, if anything instead treating him only with love and kindness and patience (not being a door mat for him, but like, not treating him like ass like everyone else has their moments of either), I think anything Trish asks of him, this is all why he's so willing to do it on top of feeling deep  empathy, I've written in my character notes as well that like this goes even further to sex being one of the most intimate things there is, like I kno we jest and jape abt Teens Doing Dumb Shit bc we're clowns 

but the sheer vulnerability you have to have esp in a first love situation to be willing to go through with that for the first time ever takes a lot of trust and courage, aspects I think Trish was able to give him and would solidify in asking something seen as so important for many people from him, the headstrong Trish wants to be vulnerable for him and the slowly confidence boosted Narancia wants to accept that faith and trust and love and exchange it with his own of the same for her, it's not horny teens 100% it's two hurt but hopeful kids on the verge of having to be adults wanting to find another piece of identity in how they are with someone else, obvs it will forever be offscreen bc pedos deserve to be skinned alive 

I just feel that the components that would fuel them to do something teens try to do to feel more adult and bc hormones are a lot more based in growing maturity than pure lust, I think this is what I fully mean by Writing About Teens Exploring Love And Sexuality; Not Fetishizing And Reveling In Showing The Act Itself Especially For Disgusting Titillation, I think this and not explicitly writing the sex are the difference between child porn and creating realistic characters

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:36 AM

Yeah, it is going to sound like a dumb take but the topic of sex and sexuality itself is not inherently sexual, by which I meant it isn’t the focus — there’s SO much more to it and in this case especially it can be like the ultimate sign of love, trust, intimacy, compassion, trying to make your way as a teen through a harsh world, like I can go on. Nasties Dont Interact but the shying away from the mere mention of it in a non-sexualized context is unrealistic. 

 Yes The Grateful Dead fight i 1000% agree is so important in both his personal growth and the development of their relationship, I think it’s an important parallel that he is dumbfounded about her going to such lengths to keep him alive without the sense of duty/obligation versus Trish’s feelings and outbursts of confusion on why Bucciarati and his gang even cared about her, protecting her to the point of death being on the line.(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:44 AM

all these elements of complication and similarities between their characters is why ive gotten so passionate about both them and their relationship (whether romantic or platonic it’s really fucking strong and good), the story of two kids making it through adversity, learning to unshoulder their burdens and lean on others, the Found Family™️, and learning and growing together is just so much more fucking deep and complex than the mainstream bs that exists. 

now im not any type of elitist hipster but esp in male and female relationships portrayed in what feels like basically fucking everything are just like CompHet Bullshit and they’re together bc They Are Just Supposed To Be (not to mention the toxic masculinity culture within that where the women barely have character arcs and are just seen as objects anyways) But what I’m trying to say is that in this the relationship is real and it feels earned in a way that just isn’t there in so much other media out there(edited)

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

Honestly if we tweak this just a lil more this is basically Guts and Casca One of the greatest and saddest romances ever written

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:48 AM

i still have berserk bookmarked just haven’t gotten around to reading yet

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

If VA was a Seinen it's p much Berserk In Italy Also big brain...galaxy brain...everything you said was a fact signed sealed and delivered(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:51 AM

Wow we’re actually in sync and using the brain cell to its fullest extent tonight

nozomijoestarToday at 1:51 AM

When I say she's his world and he's hers this is what I mean, not comphet hdhdhfhYEAH HFHDG

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:52 AM

(also my phone autocorrected “and” to “ANF” bc of twdg..... it also sometimes changes it to “AMD” bc I work in technology. My Phone Knows My Interests Are More Important To Me Than One Of The Main Parts Of Speech. Iconic)YESSSS they’re just SO GOOD there’s so much to articulate!

nozomijoestarToday at 1:55 AM

She was his Queen, and god help anyone who disrespected his Queen

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:55 AM

JDBDHE SHIT THE FUCK IP DKDBEBDJFBBD

nozomijoestarToday at 1:56 AM

Buy my silence $8000 a month

[writingsofadream]

Masterpiece | Part II

Pairing : Yoongi x Reader

Story : He’s looking for heartbreak and inspiration, and you’re just looking for a new laptop.

Set during the writing and recording period of Love Yourself: Tear. Involves angst, fluff, and smut. Multiple chapter series. 5.9k words in this part :)

♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬

Staring at the stranger beside you indignantly, you couldn’t help but show your surprise at his words. This earns a smirk from him, which you can’t decide if you love or hate. 

“I’ll buy it for you, Y/N. If you’ll let me buy you a coffee too.” His words follow the smirk just as confidently, and you narrow your eyes suspiciously. The dingy store’s owner gives a low whistle of disbelief, seemingly just as confused as you were.

“What’s your name?” You demand, crossing your arms to close the open air between your body and his. His hard, no doubt fit body…he certainly wasn’t chubby like the blonde guy. 

“Yoongi. Min Yoongi.” At this, he extends his long-fingered hand to you, waiting for you to slip yours into his. Swallowing, you reach out and grip it lightly. His hand is cold, and smooth. His skin seems to electrocute yours, and after a moment in his firm grip you wrench your hand back. 

“And why exactly are you buying me a laptop, Mr Min Yoongi?” You arch an eyebrow, pulling your arms back into a somewhat stern cross again. It feels childish and no doubt looks it too, judging by the amusement dancing in his deep, dark eyes. 

“Because I’d like to interview you, and paying you for your time seems only natural. Plus, I have the money for it.” He throws the last sentence out like an easy addition, shrugging his shoulders naturally. 

“Yea, I noticed the ring.” You scoffed at this, unable to hold it back at how ridiculous it was to be smug but not show your wealth until someone asked. What a…snob? 

His jaw hardens and a sliver of the amusement drops from his eyes. Whoops. He breathes in deeply before addressing you again. The words that come back out sound no longer lighthearted, but annoyed. 

“Look, take it or not, I don’t care. Just make your mind up. Either I buy it for you and get that interview, or I can pay for it and walk away with it. I was here first.” His gaze is intent on you, and you feel your cheeks become hotter with embarrassment. How did you always manage to make yourself seem like a fool, you thought to yourself quietly. No wonder you’d been single for over a year; you didn’t give off good girlfriend vibes, whatever the fuck they were. 

“I’ll take it.” The words are out of your mouth before you can properly consider it, and once they were out they sat in the cold air of the shop. A smile crept across Yoongi’s face, and then the shop owner broke the thick silence. 

“So, Yoongs, I’ll ring it up?” Yoongi nods to the man, and peers at you as though inspecting you. Feeling as though you’re compelled to say something, you clear your throat and thank him. He shrugs again, as though buying strangers laptops was something he did all the time. You were certain it wasn’t. Somehow, between his dark clothes, demeanour, and his steeled gaze, you didn’t pick him for the type of guy to hand out MacBooks like Oprah. 

“Where are we having coffee?” You direct towards his shoulder, as he faces the machine to swipe his Platinum credit card. Without glancing back at you he answers, throwing the words over his shoulder in your general direction. 

“Wherever you want, Y/N. My shout.” The last two words come out with a wink, and he tugs his card from the machine and faces you once again. 

“Here you are, Y/N. I’m Chaen, by the way.” The store’s owner hands you the bag with your new laptop in it, a grin on his face though still obviously a little confused. Thanking him and promising to come back next time you needed anything electrical, you took the bag from his hands and made your way out of the store. Yoongi followed behind you, shaking the man’s hand as though they were good friends. Grabbing your raincoat from the stand, you pushed the heavy door open into the small alleyway. Noting the rain had stopped, you shoved it into the bag with the MacBook box. It was still overcast and chilly, so you were thankful for the warm jumper you’d been smart enough to pick out. Whipping around, you faced Yoongi and bit your lip. Where should you two even go? He seemed to be thinking the same thing as he stared at you, clearly waiting for you to voice your decision. 

“The cat cafe.” Pleased with your decision, you attempt to throw a friendly smile his way, only to be met with a bemused one. 

“A cat cafe?” He laughs. “I could’ve guessed, Y/N.” 

___

Why had he invited her? Well, he supposed, she was as good as any person to ask. A pretty girl like her? Surely she’s had her heart broken by some obnoxious jock at least once in her lifetime. And if he wasn’t any good at the questions, it was only a loss of a few thousand won that he wouldn’t miss. Plus, he would know not to do any more of them. That’s what this is then, he decided. An experiment. 

She sits across from him, a white and brown kitten on her lap. Sinking into her oversized lilac jumper, the kitten seems to be falling asleep, much to her delight. Looking down at the little animal and stroking its small ears with her delicate fingers, Yoongi feels something tighten in his chest. A strand of her hair falls into her eyes and she tucks the unruly piece back behind her ear. Looking up, she meets his eyes and he coughs in a not-so-subtle attempt to hide his blatant staring.

“So, what’s this interview anyway?” Her voice is pretty and light, and Yoongi thinks for a second before answering. He has to be careful with what he says, especially since she seems unaware of who he is. She’d been a little confused at being ushered to the back and tucked away in a little booth - luckily he’d managed to convince her the rest of the cafe was too loud to record properly. 

“It’s for a project I’m doing. On heartbreak.” She cocks her head and furrows her brow a little at this. 

“Oh…and they’ll just be a few questions, then?” Yoongi nods at her question, perhaps a little too enthusiastically as she scoots herself and the kitten towards the window. Shuffling over so she’s directly facing him again, he tries to set her mind at ease.

“I just need reliable answers and it won’t take that long. I promise.” She seems convinced, or just like she’s giving up. Settling back into the plush of the booth, she sighs and closes her eyes for a moment. Yoongi watches her, enthralled by the way her delicate collarbones peak out from the top of her jumper. She opens her eyes again, and his own jump back up to her face. 

Reaching into the back pocket of his jeans he pulls out his phone, opening the recording app and setting it in between them. Pressing the record button, he starts.

“So, Y/N, have you ever had your heart broken?” 

__

He’s pulled his hoodie back, and you can see now that his hair is black and makes him even more fucking handsome. His question is calm and controlled as he watches you from across the small booth’s table. Nervously stroking the kitten in your lap, you paused before answering.

“No.” He doesn’t seem pleased by your answer, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his seat. As he does, his hands lay out on the table and his jumper is pulled up. Sitting on his wrist shines a Rolex, brand-new and gleaming. You instantly reach out to touch it, stopping yourself just before making contact.

“Is that a Rolex?” You ask, eyes wide. You hadn’t actually ever seen one in real life before, and no one you knew owned one, that was for sure. In fact, you weren’t entirely sure anyone bought them other than celebrities and business men with too much time on their hands…or rather, wrists. Definitely not dark, brooding guys like the one sitting across from you. 

“Yea, it’s a Rolex. Says so on the face.” His smart-ass comment and smirk annoys you, and you pull your hand back quickly. He definitely was fond of smirking, you’d give him that. Frustratingly, it made him even more attractive. 

“I can read.” Your retort sounds stupid as it leaves your mouth, and you regret it instantly. Hurriedly, you switch the conversation back to what it’s supposed to be about. 

“Why heartbreak?” Your question seems to puzzle him, and his eyes leave yours to look out the window into the pouring rain. Outside, the trees swayed heavily with the weight of the wind, Seoul’s streets a mix of green, grey, and various lights shining through the haze. It was beautiful. 

“Why not?” He’s turned his attention back to you now, resting his chin in his pale hand. It framed his face, and for a spilt second you wondered what they’d look like around your neck. Shaking the image from your mind, you motioned for him to explain.

“Love is a difficult emotion. That’s all.” He brushes it off nonchalantly, then turns the questioning back around.

“What do you do for a living? Between school, that is.” His question doesn’t seem to have anything to do with his chosen topic, but you answer it anyway. Lucky for him, you’re starting to feel a little more comfortable in the warm cafe. The kitten on your lap purrs softly, the hot hazelnut mocha relaxing you. 

“I work at a cafe. It’s a little quaint, but it’s okay. It’s the best I can do for now.” Hoping he’ll leave your life at that, you open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it.

“Do you like working there?” His face seems genuine, and the question is natural enough. You shift slightly in your seat, and the kitten stirs. 

“I do and I don’t. I guess it’s just one of those things.” The kitten bounces off your lap, and you pout a little as it prances across the cafe to a couple walking in from the rain.

“One of those things?” He really won’t give up, will he? You look down into your coffee, bringing it up to your lips for a quick reassuring sip. 

“Yea. Life. Have to get money somehow.” He sips his coffee, which he took black, unsurprisingly. Setting it back on the wooden table, he licks the drink from his lips. You instinctively stare at his mouth, the way his tongue darts across the soft pink. Feeling a familiar warmth in your crotch, you bring your eyes swiftly back down to the brown beverage in your hands. 

“I love what I do. Do you want to see?” You peer up at him. What the fuck? That probably wasn’t safe, right? Then again, you couldn’t help but be intrigued by his proposition. Besides, you had nothing better to do, and the man did buy you a MacBook. 

“We can continue the interview there, if you like.” Your answer is greeted by a gummy smile, and he suddenly looks soft and inviting. Just as quickly as it appeared, though, it’s snatched away as he brings his mouth back to a smug, subtle smile. 

“Cool. I’ll call a taxi.” 

__

Why was he bringing her back to his studio? He had no fucking clue. As he paid the taxi driver and stepped out into the rain, he pulled his hoodie back onto his head. She reached into the MacBook bag for the scrunched-up raincoat, wrapping it around her body but leaving the hood down. Maybe she just didn’t care about how she looked, he thought, and the rain started to wet her hair. Grabbing her arm, he tugs her into the building. Unmarked, BigHit logos are nowhere to be seen. The company had agreed to keep it clear of anything that would bring attention to the building that held all their personal studios; that way they could work in peace, without the incessant fans and management. Keying in his personal code, the door swung open. The lobby inside was marble and modern, and he heard her gasp at the presentation of it. He hated it, to be honest. It felt cold and uninviting, though ironically people said the same about him. 

Walking up to the elevator, he pressed the button to his studio’s floor. In fact, all the boys’ studios were on the same floor. It was a big fucking floor. 

The silence in the elevator was palpable, but Yoongi simply felt like he didn’t know what to say. She was chewing her plump bottom lip, and between her slightly damp hair and delicate features he felt stumped on what to say. Usually he never wanted to say much at all, but now he kinda longed to say something to her. It’d be great if he just knew what to say.

He wasn’t sure why he’d suggested it, like the cafe, but he definitely wanted to show her what he did. That much was clear. He liked her sense of humour, her way of putting things. She seemed almost…whimsical. 

The ping of the elevator jerked him from his thoughts, and he pointed out into the extending hallway. 

“Those are a lot of rooms. Which ones is yours?” She looks at him, eyes wide at the length and breadth of the expensive-looking way ahead. 

“Follow me.” He sounds smooth and his pitch is normal, thank god. For a second he thought he’d choke on his words looking into her eyes. He wanted to fuck her, dammit. 

__

Walking into the room was a stark contrast from the marbled floors and walls of the rest of the building. It was unlit, save the grey light of the late afternoon rain shining in from an open window on the end wall. There was a couch, big enough to double as a bed pushed against one of the walls. The rest of the room contained computers, a keyboard, microphones, and a whole array of other recording devices you couldn’t even begin to guess at. The monitors were massive, and when Yoongi shook the mouse the screens displayed various softwares, all seeming to do with music. He ran a hand through his hair, then turned back to look at you. He looked almost nervous, as if searching for your approval, and you felt that feeling in your stomach again. Lit up in the grey, rainy light and the soft white of the screens, he was so good looking you thought you might pass out right there and then. Instead, you felt arousal prick at your body. Fuck. Trying to push it away, you finally spoke.

“You’re a musician?” His shoulders relax, and he leans back against the desk on a rare spot that isn’t covered in sheet music and other scribbles of paper. 

“And a producer. I’m in a group.” He points at the small couch underneath the window. “Wanna finish the heartbreak and shit interview?” 

“I hope it doesn’t involve literal shit.” The joke is bad and poorly timed, and you cringe at the bluntness of it. “Sorry, my jokes are…well, shit.”Surprisingly, he bursts out laughing. You join him, releasing some of the tension in your shoulders as the two of you fill the air with the sound. 

“Nah, no shit.” He walks over to the couch, clearly amused. Plunking down, he pulls his phone back out again. As you sit down next to him, you accidentally read the top message on his screen as he turns it on and goes to lock it. It’s from some guy named Namjoon, and the only words you made out were ‘tear’ ‘soon’ and something about dinner with the guys tonight. Interesting, you thought. So this Yoongi guy apparently has at least two friends, Chaen and this Namjoon. And who were the rest of the guys? Before you could think more on it, though, he turned to face you. 

“Can I propose we do something else instead?” He looks nervous again, but this time his eyes are…fixed. He knows what he wants. His stare runs through your whole body, and you push back a little further away from him. 

“What do you suggest?” Your voice is barely a whisper as his eyes cut through you, trailing down from your face over your breasts and down to your hands in your lap. Bringing them back up, he stares at you intently from his spot just a metre away. 

“I want to fuck you.” 

__

Yea, he’d just said it out loud. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. Looking at her, watching her, showing her something so intimate to him. Her stupid little joke, her loud and shameless laugh. He wanted to fuck her, plain and simple. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually had a good fuck. It had been some girl from another idol group, and she’d been tight and compliant but…not quite what he’d needed. He’d booty called her a few times, sure, but things had ended once she’d figured out he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Of course he wasn’t looking for a fucking relationship, why the fuck would he?

__

You froze at his request, realising he said it in all seriousness. Shifting on your butt, you tried to push a little further away from him but your back hit the wall instantly. He spoke again, less intensely this time. 

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine. It would just be sex, though. I’m not looking for anything, and don’t feel obliged because I paid for that laptop.” His words take a moment to sink in, you feel nothing but shock throughout your body. But then, something else creeps in. Those lingering feelings of attraction and lust all hit the critical points in your being. Basked in the grey of the rain, hearing it pour down outside, it mixes with the soft whirr of his computers and various electronics. Looking at Yoongi, wearing his black clothes with his black hair, his handsome face with a sensual expression. You couldn’t believe it. You were actually contemplating fucking him. 

He seems unnerved by your silence, and moves back on the large couch. 

“The back goes down and we can pull it out, so it’s like a bed. I sleep here sometimes.” His confession barely makes its way into your ears as you continually toss about his proposition. Over and over it whirls around in your head, but finally you start to think clearly. Why not? You hadn’t had sex in over a year, and this was one of the only days you hadn’t had class, study, or work in literally weeks. Why not take the opportunity, you thought. 

Heart pounding in your chest, you bolted your body towards him, practically throwing yourself on top. Inches away from his face, you nodded fast before you could back out. 

“Yes,” you heard yourself say, “I’ll fuck you.” There it was, that smirk of his. This time it was more implicit than the others, the presence of sex hiding behind it. 

“Just this once.” You add with a rush at the end, just to make sure he doesn’t get any ideas. He turns his smirk into a grin, then brings his smooth hand up to cup your face. His long fingers take a disobedient strand of hair, tucking it back into place with a calculated slowness to it.  

“Works for me.” He gives you a dark wink, then suddenly his hand is gone from behind your ear. Your skin feels hot where he’s touched it, and despite any reservations you had you felt your panties become a little wetter. Dammit. Your body was almost betraying you. 

Standing, he started clicking something on the side of the bed. You stood too, realising he was pulling it out so it could become an even larger bed. So you could fuck. 

Pushing you back with one arm, he grabbed the underside of the furniture and tugged hard. It pulled back from the wall, the back falling to become the top of a bed. Clicking the buttons back into place, he then reached up into a higher cupboard to pull pillows down. Throwing them down onto the plush now-bed, he also pulls down a single white sheet. 

In an instant, his lips are on yours. Kissing you hard, he places his hands on your hips and pushes you down onto the bed in a rush. Bouncing against the soft mattress, you both shimmy up to the top. He pushes a pillow under your head, still feverishly kissing you. He nipped playfully at your bottom lip, his hands now exploring up under your jumper. You could taste the coffee on his tongue, in his mouth, and no doubt he was tasting your hazelnut mocha. As he ran his tongue across yours you gasped a little, and he smirked against your mouth. You felt as though your whole body was on fire, particularly the spot between your legs. It felt like a distant, yet all-too-familiar ache. 

He shifted his hard body above you, moving his top half off your body. Pulling off his hoodie, he threw it to the side with abandon. Coming back down, he supported himself with his elbow beside your head. You bit your lip, expecting more hard and rough coffee kisses. Instead, he slipped a hand between your thighs, meeting the denim of your cuffed blue jeans. He groaned a little, closing his eyes for a split second before rubbing a little harder, hard enough to meet your pussy through the fabric. Suppressing a soft moan, you bit your lip a little harder, tasting a small amount of blood in your mouth. Pulling his hand from your jeans and between your thighs, Yoongi reaches up and pulls your bottom lip out from your teeth.

“Take off your jeans, now.” The ‘now’ is said like an order, and a shiver of anticipation runs through your core. He rolls off you, sitting next to you patiently. 

“Hurry up, Y/N.” That one was definitely said like an order. Unbuttoning your jeans with shaky hands, you pulled them off your body without a second thought. Throwing them to join his hoodie, he suddenly brings his body back on top of yours. 

“Good girl,” he whispers, hot breath in your ear tickling your senses. “You’re good at taking orders.” Fuck, his words ran from your ear straight down to your heat. His head comes back down, his lips pushing against yours again. Opening your mouth for him, the tip of his tongue curls around yours. Now, his free hand is running along your inner thigh, slowly making its way closer to your wetness. Each inch feels antagonising, and the closer he gets the more you feel as though you’ll explode without his touch. 

“Tell me what you want, baby.” His order is directed into your mouth, and you murmur back quietly. 

“Touch me.” You don’t have to elaborate; Yoongi gets the message. His long fingers start to rub you through the thin fabric of your panties, and you moan against his swollen and wet lips. Through half-lidded eyes he brings his mouth from yours, his lust-filled eyes staring right into yours. It sends a twitch through your whole body, and he presses harder with his fingers. The pleasure is intense but manageable, just hard enough to feel good but not hard enough. He’s teasing you. 

“Press against me.” He utters the words so lowly you could almost swear you’d imagined them if you hadn’t seen his soft lips shape out the words. Every nerve in your body is electric, tingling. Rolling your hips, you push harder against his hands and he rolls his fingers less gently. The pressing feeling becomes more intense, and you whimper against his touch. 

“You’re so fucking hot.” His words are said roughly, and he latches his mouth to the sensitive skin of your neck. He sucks hard on the skin, and you can’t hold back the deep moan that comes up from your throat. The sensation of his sucking paired with the rubbing friction of his fingers pushing your panties against your clit bring you close to the edge, and you know he can sense it. His mouth leaves your skin with an audible pop, and he looks down at his handiwork with a gleam in his dark eyes. 

“That’s gonna leave a mark.” You press harder against his hand, getting closer and closer to your peak. Slowly, he runs his hand away from your soaked panties and back down your inner thigh, and you let out a dissatisfied grunt. Dropping your hips back down to the mattress, you hum against his ear.

“Not gonna let me cum?” You’re bold, but you don’t care. You catch his lobe in your mouth, running your tongue over it and around his piercings. You hear his sharp intake of breath through clenched teeth, and his hand hovers over your inner thigh. Without warning, he slaps it. Not hard, but hard enough for you to bring your mouth away and yelp softly. He chuckles, nuzzling into your neck a pressing down a kiss. 

“Not yet, baby.” His words vibrate against you, and he lets his teeth graze over your new hickey. Already turning a dark shade of purple, it was very…him. 

He starts kissing his way down your body, making his way to your collarbones before grabbing the end of your jumper and pulling it up your torso. Arching yourself against the bed you lifted your arms up, allowing him to pull the jumper from your body. Beating him to it, you reached under yourself and unclasped your bra, pulling it off your arms and throwing it off somewhere onto the floor. He started down at your breasts, looking mesmerised and hungry. That tantalising smirk returns to his lips, and he wastes no time in latching his lips to your right nipple. Rolling the hard bud around with his tongue, he flicks at it and pulls the other with his hand. They’re erect at his movements, and he runs his tongue over your breast moving down to your stomach. Kissing past your navel, he reaches the line of your panties and breathes out softly against your skin, sending shivers down your spine. Hooking his index fingers into the waistband of your panties, you feel the cold of his silver ring against your skin. He pulls the fabric down slowly, and you close your eyes to savour the moment. Slipping them over your feet, you hear them join the rest of the clothes on the wooden floor. Daring to peak your eyes open, you look at Yoongi perched on the edge of the bed, looking directly at your pussy. His mouth was open a little, his eyes hazy, and his breath was long and deep. He glanced up at you, and you started to shut your legs. 

His hands instantly grab your thighs, pushing them back apart. He winks at you, and chuckles lightly at your sudden display of modesty. 

He pushes you further up the bed, and you adjust the pillow under you. Between your legs, Yoongi brings his mouth closer and closer to your wet and waiting cunt. Then, he licks you. 

The wetness of his tongue brushing against your clit softly brings a moan up through your lips, and you press against him a little harder. He obliges, softly licking longer strokes until he’s passing over your hole with each one. Sucking on your clit, he brushes a finger against your opening, holding your right thigh back with his other hand. He starts to suck harder, and you mewl in pleasure at the feeling spreading from your lower half. 

He slips one, long finger in, reaching his knuckle then curling up inside you. As he swipes your g-spot, you grip the white sheet hard in your fists. Arching your back, you push your pussy closer to him, begging him to give you what you need. The bastard grins before sucking hard, so hard you clit sends shockwaves through your body at the sensation. Locking your thighs around his head, you start to pant and let out a whispered curse as you feel yourself reaching towards your climax. 

He slips another long finger in, stretching you a little as you realise how much you’ve missed the feeling of sex. And this was already the best fucking sex you’d ever had. 

Slamming and curling his fingers inside you, Yoongi sucks relentlessly against your swollen clit. Like a champagne cork popping from a cold, fresh bottle into the air, you cum hard around his fingers. Pushing back against the sheet, you can’t stop the heavy flow of moans that leave your mouth as he continues to suck you gently through your orgasm. Curling your toes, your eyes roll back a little as you let it completely take over your whole body. Every inch of you feel intense, electric, dangerous. 

As you come down from your high, he pulls his lips from your pussy and withdraws his fingers. You feel empty without them, but exhausted from the experience. Looking at him, you see your juices glistening wetly around his mouth and on his chin, Swiping with the back of his hand, he wipes it off, giving you a cheeky grin and looking down at you heatedly. 

“Get on your hands and knees.” His voice is breathless but commanding, sultry-sounding to your ears. His black jeans are tight, his cock obviously swelling against the rough material. Seeing you staring, he cocks his head to the side with a smile. 

Without a word, he slowly undoes the top button of the jeans. The zipper follows, the noise crisp in the air. Your breathing is still heavy, and you lick your lips at the sight of his bulging cock pressing against his black Calvins. He slips the jeans down first, and they pool down at his knees. Then, he teases you with a knowing look and he tugs down his underwear, his dick bouncing out. Holy. Shit. 

Remembering his order, you flipped yourself onto all fours, pushing a pillow under your elbows. Feeling nothing, you look back over your shoulder at Yoongi. He’s pulling his wallet out from the back pocket of his jeans, fishing a condom out of one of the compartments. Wishin a couple of heartbeats he chucks the wallet to the floor, ripping open the foiled packet. Staring, you felt yourself get even more turned on at the sight of him rolling it down his length, all the way to the base. Seeing you watching, he moved forward and grabbed your hips roughly, jolting you back. He slapped your ass, lightly. 

“Can I slap your ass hard?” The question is new to you, something you’ve never really done with your exes. Without hesitating or thinking, you agree. You want it. You want it so fucking badly. 

The slap to your ass stings, and you cry out a little but bounce back towards his cock. You hear the soft murmur of “fuck” escape his lips, and he smacks you again. This time is harder, enough to bring tears to the corners of your eyes. As if knowing this is enough, Yoongi runs himself along your soaked slit, making sure to rub over your abused clit. Grabbing the pillow hard, you push back against him in a desperate attempt to have him finally fill you. 

Grabbing your ass cheeks and squeezing hard, he pulls your body back and buries himself in your pussy. Slamming in all the way to the hilt, you both exclaim loudly at the explicit feeling. You moan sensually, while he grunts deeply. He doesn’t take more than a second, knowing you can handle it, before he’s slamming in and out of you hard. The slapping sound of your bodies meeting fills the studio, matching your moans with each harsh thrust. Gripping your hips, his fingers dig into your flesh as you bounce against him. 

“Holy…fuck” you manage to gasp out, your eyelids fluttering at the feelings rushing from your core. He takes a hand from your hip and grabs a handful of your hair instead, pulling you even further back. His pulling is light, and doesn’t hurt your skull, but it’s enough to encourage you to move back harder. 

“I’m gonna fucking cum.” His words are said through gritted teeth, and you realise you’re closer to your second orgasm than you thought. Whispering “me too” into the thick air, you feel him drop your hair as he brings his hand down on your ass, slapping it harder than the previous ones. The mix of pleasure and pain brings you right over the edge, without him needing to even brush against your clit. Clenching around him, you cum, screaming your release. He reaches under you and grabs a handful of your tit as he finishes, banging in and out of your trembling pussy as it clenches him tight. He starts to slow as he rides out the end of his own orgasm, breathing heavily. His long breaths continue as he pulls out of you, hopping off the end of the bed. You feel a tinge of sadness at the loss, almost wanting him to have stayed in you; even if only for a few more minutes. Collapsing against the bed, you flip over exhaustedly and prop yourself up on your elbows. He pulls the condom off, scrunching his nose up at the feeling. You hold back a giggle at the his sigh of annoyance towards the rubbery mess. Throwing it in the bin, he makes his way back to the bed, watching you with a fondness you assumed could be accounted to the satisfying sex you’d just had. He rummaged through the clothes on the floor, bringing up your jumper and his underwear. Sliding them back on, he tosses you your jumper. 

“Just in case you didn’t feel comfortable staying naked.” He gives you a crooked smile and you return it, pulling the warm jumper back over your skin. You feel sore, your pussy stretched and your butt burning a little from his punishing slaps. You feel good, really fucking good. 

He crawls up into the bed, lying next to you on one of the extra pillows. You both slip under the sheet without a word, facing each other in the soft glow of grey floating in through the window. 

“It’s still pouring rain.” You say, hearing the drops falling outside in a calming torrent. 

“It is.” he says, smiling at you with softer, less harsh eyes. 

“Tell me more about yourself, Y/N.” Smiling and rolling your eyes at his predictable request, you snuggled deeper into the blanket, still facing him. 

__

Looking at the girl he had just fucked, with her messy hair, her jumper slipping off her shoulder, the blanket tousled around her body, and her head resting into the soft pillow while she told him about her frustrating housemate and workmate, Yoongi could only muster up three words to sum up his state of mind. 

Holy. Fucking. Shit. 

[legion1993]

Is It True?

AN: i love amazing writers. i love writing amazing pieces. this piece goes out to @icantlivewithyou in celebration of her 800 followers challenge! hope this makes you smile!

prompt “you’re really pregnant?”

pairing: Bruce Wayne x Reader

summery: its a secret!

Masterlist

8 years ago, you were a graduate student...

8 years ago you got an internship with Wayne Enterprises!

8 years ago was the first encounter you ever had with the Batman. he save your life. 

not too long after that you had a magical date with your boss Bruce Wayne! this began your magical journey.

6 years later you are at the office and lunch time roles around. you and Bruce would normally go out for lunch at the usual fancy restaurant. you loved your time with Bruce, but today was different you walked into his office and he has a strange look to his eye... 

Bruce: “close the door love and come here...”

you close the door and go over to the desk he turns to face you welcoming you into his lap...

YN: “hey baby... are you ready for lunch?”

Bruce: “we are not going to lunch today... we will do dinner instead but right now can i show you something... i feel like i need to confide this to you, we have been together for a while now and im looking forward to many more years with you but not without you knowing my biggest well kept secret...”

YN: “Bruce whatever you have to tell me, i’ll go into it with you. i love you Bruce! you know that! so what is it that you wish to share with me?”

Bruce: “well first we have to get up off this chair... ive already cleared us to go for the rest of the day... think of this as a vacation! a small one where we arent going far but yet we are gonna have traveled the distances...”

you were now very curious... you had no idea what was about to happen... but got up off your boyfriends lap and held his hand as he led you to the wall pannel, he took his other hand and placed it to the wall. 

it then spoke...

AI: “good afternoon mr wayne...”

you were amazed that you never knew about this panel being here... but you walked inside with Bruce as he spoke next.

Bruce: “take us to the cave!”

immediately you were both on one crazy roller coaster ride... it was a tunnel system that seemed to go from the top of wayne tower to some underground cavern... 

the ride stopped and Bruce once more spoke...

Bruce: “through these doors is a world that no-one but Alfred has known about like ever... now to you i present this my most valuable secret... the entire reason behind the tunnel system. the entire reason behind all my so called late nights at the office or pre-preparations for a gala that is months away... well i never actually ever left the manor.. id be down here working out, training, and monitoring the city... you may exit the doors when your ready...”

you went passed Bruce and the doors opened automatically... you walked out onto a literal rock solid floor, and into a cavern where tech and a bunch of equipment lay around all over the place... 

you wandered around a bit before arriving at the main area, or what assumed was the main area for it had a really big computer setup with 6 different screens and one tiny ass keyboard. the computers powered up and revealed a giant bat symbol... thats when it hit you like a freight train. 

you turned to Bruce and decided to test your theory make sure it was true...

you went into a low spin kick to which Bruce jumped over. blocking each move you threw at him you had to now think quickly... you decided to pull a Natasha romanov and wrap your legs around his neck flipping him to the ground but he had grabbed your wrist and twisted your arm when you did that. 

Bruce got off of you and smiled as he extended his hand to you...

Bruce: “if you wanted to test my skills how was that?”

YN: “you’re batman... why didnt you tell me sooner?”

Bruce could only chuckle as he smiled...

Bruce: “i was afraid of how you would react... had i known you would react that way i would have told you sooner... are you ok love? you look kinda pale?”

you shook your head, truth be told you hadnt been feeling well for a few days now... you just thought you were getting ready for your period... but this morning you had thrown up... you werent sure what was wrong...

YN: “i think i need a doctor...”

Bruce picked you up bridal style, carrying you to the elevator you both emerge in the library of the manor, where Alfred greets both of you...

Alfred: “good heavens, is Miss YN alright?”

Bruce: “Alfred can you get the car and take us to Gotham General... please?”

Alfred: “of course sir...”

Alfred brings the car to the front of the house where you and Bruce now waiting Alfred opens the door helping to get both of you inside before driving reasonably to Gotham General. 

upon arrival at the hospital, Bruce had Alfred once more help to get you out of the car... Alfred then went to park the car while Bruce carried you inside. walking inside he was greeted by 2 nurses...

Nurse 1: “how can we help you both tonight?”

Bruce: “my girlfriend is pale and not well we need a check up... run all the necessary tests rule out anything and everything please...”

Nurse 2: “okay sir calm down please... we need a name to process her under...”

Bruce: “Bruce wayne... i help fund this hospital... my girlfriends name is YN... she can barely stand on her own...”

the nurses both led you and Bruce through the secluded doors, to a room secluded and away from prying eyes... Bruce had laid you on the bed, you were not sure yet as to your condition but you had your suspicions...

it was about 5 minutes later when a doctor walked in one of the nurses who had helped you both in here walked in bringing several things with...

Dr. Jason: “Bruce,  YN i’m Dr. Jason... i understand that your not feeling well tonight Miss... can you tell me how long you havent been well?”

YN: “its been on and off for the last week or so...”

Dr. Jason relays notes to the nurse and asks the next question...

Dr. Jason: “when was your last period? or do you know when your next period is supposed to arrive?”

you took one small breath before answering...

YN: “its due... as of yesterday...”

Dr. Jason: “let me guess it hasnt arrived yet, has it...?”

you shake your head, Dr. Jason has the nurse bring in an ultrasound cart...  Bruce moves to the other side and gives the okay to do whatever necessary not wanting to leave your side...

Dr. Jason: “have you ever had an ultrasound before YN?” 

you shoke your head...

Dr. Jason: “okay its very simple, nothing to worry about... now im gonna need access to your abdomen as well as your stomach... so your waist line on your pants is gonna have to go down a bit... i will place some gel on your stomach, then i will use this equipment to through the gel be able to take a peak inside your belly... see if there is anything noticeable...”

the doctor did as he said, placing the gel on made you shiver a bit but Bruce’s touch kept you nice and warm... as Dr. Jason now moved the transducer around on the gel, the nurse was ready to record anything found... 

you and Bruce anxiously watched the screen... waiting for answers of any kind to come up... Dr Jason then stopped moving the tansducer, he kinda stayed in one spot for a while... it was then that he knew what the cause was... he had the nurse make a few notes and then sent her out of the room... 

Dr. Jason: “it seems congratulations are in order...”

Bruce: “im sorry what do you mean Congratulations are in order...”

Dr Jason: “well it seems YN isnt sick sick after all its just a little bit of morning sickness...”

your eyes widened... before your head collapsed from the shock of the news... you knew full well what the congratulations was for but no one knew how shocked you were till you fainted...

it was 10 minutes later when you woke again to find Bruce filling out paper work, after being told by Dr Jason not to worry too much that you would wake eventually that you fainted from the aftershock of the news...

Bruce’s head swam with the thoughts of being a father, sure something he had thought about but never dreamed would ever happen. a few moments later Bruce looked up as he often did to find you sitting up and stretching slightly... 

Bruce: “hey love how are you feeling?”

YN: “is it true?”

Bruce comes over to your side and smiles lovingly at you.

Bruce: “you’re really pregnant?

Bruce gestures to the ultrasound photo sitting beside you on the bed...

YN: “yes i am... i had my suspisions but i wasnt ever gonna admit them to anyone or myself... however, i know we never actually discussed the thought of kids, but believe me when i say i wouldnt be here today if you werent the most amazing man i had ever met...”

Bruce: “i cant even begin to describe how much excitement im holding in right now... i mean we are gonna be parents... its gonna be an honor to raise this child with you...”

Bruce with you holds the photo and then Bruce lifts your shirt to once again expose your belly and he places soft kisses to it, then he comes up to place a longing kiss to your lips... you were now in a happy place... 

you finally felt like your life was finally underway...

[i-writing-is-hard-i]

Blood Traitor pt7

Summary:  You are Draco’s older sister.  A pureblood Witch, without the prejudice and anti-muggle beliefs of your family. Who just so happened to fall in love with none other than a blood traitor, just to complicate matters more Voldemort has returned.  What will you do?

okay, I suck at writing descriptions,

[Disclaimer] Mentions of sex, violence, and hints of torture, I may have screwed up the timeline somewhere along the way, and no one dies, because, thats sad

[Begining]  - [Previous] - [Next]

Part 7

Days had passed since George’s love confession, yet you still had a spring in your step.  You had noticed George looked happier than normal too.  The two of you managed to meet up every two days.  Thankfully.  Even if it meant sitting in silence to do homework.  Well, you did homework, he goofed off, but he let you get on with it without much fuss.  Sometimes you would read while he worked on something for his shop.  It was nice, and you couldn’t hope for more.

It was now time for the first Quidditch match of the school year.  Gryffindor v Slytherin, even if your boyfriend was on opposing team, you had to root for your own house right?, though most were nothing but thugs.  Today was the first time you had ever felt embarrassed by the other supports.  They had come up with a cruel chant for Ron, he already had confidence issues, this was not helping.  As the crowd chanted, Lee Jordan tried to drown it out.  You could faintly make out a lion’s roar, scanning the Gryffindor crowd you found the source, someone was wearing a large lion’s head,  it actually looked pretty cool,  you quickly enchanted it, without being noticed so that the roars would drown out the noise of the Slytherin’s but it only made them sing louder, they were pretty much screaming at this point.  It was deafening

You were actually a little disappointed when your team was winning, you had a feeling it was because of the chanting, but the snitch still had to be caught, that would turn it around and just as you were thinking that, Harry dove, followed by your brother.  Harry caught it.  The Gryffindor’s won.  The crowd erupted into cheers and complaints.  You watched the teams land, Gryffindors players swarming Harry.  Your heart sunk when you watched Draco walking towards them.  Just as you guessed, he said something, probably cruel.  Whatever it was angered the twins, from here you couldn’t really tell who was who, but one of them was being held back by two people, while Harry held the other.  Suddenly Harry and the Twin he was holding back dove on to Draco, you instinctively stood up, he was an arse, but he is still your brother.  You didn’t have to do anything though, Professor McGonagall intervened.  The two were ushered away from the rest, while Draco was seen too.  

You had reached the common room, before Draco, but he as soon as he entered everyone bombarded him.

“Draco what did you say to them?” Pansy asked

“Nothing, I only spoke the truth” Draco feigned innocence.

“Then why would they attack you like that, That Potter really is crazy, and those blood traitor Weasleys” someone spoke, you felt yourself become defensive.

“You were talking about their mothers” someone explained, in an indifferent tone

“Well, of course, they got angry you insulted their loved one’s idiot.  You don’t get to play the victim when you do something like that” you pointed out.  Some people agreed with you, others just glared.  

“Well, I only told the truth” Draco lied.

“Really? And what was it you said” you continued.

“I simply pointed out that their house stink” Draco smiled

“You insulted a dead woman Draco, that’s pretty shameful” you were getting annoyed at how calm and okay with that he was, but you didn’t let it show.

“And? why do you care?” Draco asked defensively

“Why do I care that my brother is acting like a right dick? Because it’s embarrassing” you kept your cool,  the people around you stiffened, turning their attention to other things, but of course, they were still listening.

“Since when did you start caring so much about the Weasley’s and Potter?”

“It’s not them, its the fact that you're, well, you are a childish bully and it’s embarrassing, and I am not going to argue with you, especially in front of everyone, so I am going” you stood up leaving Draco and heading to your room.

The next day you were waiting for George, he had detention, thanks to his ‘outburst’ you knew it would be after curfew, but you didn’t mind.  You kind of wanted to apologise on behalf of Draco.  Finally, he came in rubbing his hand, like he was in pain, you looked down to see the scarring. instinctively you ran over to him, grabbing his hand to get a better look.

“What is this?” you asked, looking up at his face.  He looked annoyed.  You looked back down to his hand, though it was healing, you could tell it was, words, layered on top of each other.

“Did Umbridge have something to do with this?” you asked.

“It’s fine don’t worry about it” George went to pull his hand away, but your grip tightened, pulling out your wand

“Hold still” you ordered.  You used Episkey on it, healing the remaining scarring and easing the pain it had caused then you kissed it.

“I know Draco insulted your mum and Lily Potter” you mumbled, “I am sorry, he’s an arse”

“Forget it, it wasn’t your fault” George was blushing bright, from your kiss.  Your eyes drifted back to his hand.

“So, what happened?” you repeated.

“Eh, Umbridge’s new punishment” George explained,

“Excuse me, Umbridge’s new punishment? it’s abuse, she hurt you” you were clearly annoyed.

“Well, who’s gonna stand up to her about it, besides’s Fred and I will get her back for this” George smiled, he kind of liked it when you were being protective

“Well, it better be good, but it’s still wrong, do the other teachers know? we should tell them, she can’t get away with this, the old bat” you ranted, pacing the room.  George’s smile grew, but then he quickly looked sad again

“This isn’t the worst of it” he muttered.

“What?” you turned to him again, he could see the anger in your eyes.

“Fred, Harry and I have been permanently banned from playing Quidditch while we are at Hogwarts, she got our brooms locked up”

“What!” you practically yelled, “But that leaves your team with no beaters of seeker!”

As annoyed George was, he couldn’t help but smile at your reaction “Gah, you two better make her life a living hell here” you ordered.  This made George burst out laughing

“You are adorable, sometimes love” he breathed, “But don’t worry we have it all planned out”.  

You joined in on the laughing.

“Good, but this is Draco’s fault and for that I am sorry” you spoke.

“Your brother said some mean things, but we shouldn’t have gone for him like that, bloody deserved it though”

“I should really say no to that, but if the tables were turned I would have probably done the same” you mumbled feeling a little guilty for agreeing

“By the way, where did you learn that spell?” George changed the subject for you.

“Charms, Weasley, some of us pays attention in class” you smiled, George simply shrugged,

A few days later, you were sitting in potions working on the brew in front of you, when you felt eyes watching.  You had expected to see George looking at you, but it wasn’t him, it was Tommy, a Slytherin.  He used to flirt with you all the time, but Ignis had warned him off you since then he barely talked to you let alone.  He wasn’t a bad guy.  He seemed to have gained confidence again because recently he had started flirting with you since the start of the year.  When you looked up he gave you smile, you quickly smiled back as to not be rude, then turned your attention back to the colourful liquid.

After class, he caught up to you, as you left the room

“So, huh, Y/N, I know we are pretty busy with all this school work, but I was thinking we could head to Hogsmeade this weekend,” Tommy asked, smoothly, with just the right amount of confidence that most girls would love, not you of course.  He slowly leaned into inter the pretense that it was so he could hear your reply over the crowd, but it was a little too close for your comfort.

“Actually, I uh, have plans” you replied, you actually hadn’t.

“Oh, well we could hang out after class, it’s not like we have much time left at school to spend together,” Tommy asked

Your eyes darted up to see George watching you could really read his expression, it made you smile.

“Well, maybe pretty busy with school work, but I will let you know, when I am free” you smiled sweetly at him, you had no intention in hanging out with him but you didn’t want to be rude.

You weren’t aware that George was now in earshot of your conversation.

“Great, I look forward to it” Tommy looked pretty happy the outcome, you felt a bit guilty, but it wasn’t like you could tell him ‘Sorry I’m dating someone’  after that rather awkward moment you headed down the corridor towards the library, it was a free period, before Dinner.  There was so much work to do.  Just as you reached the door, a certain redhead slid a note into your hand, you quickly read it, ‘Meet me’ it was all it said.  You were supposed to meet BFF/N but decided you could come up with a good excuse later, besides the two of you had agreed to meet later on anyway so you assumed it would be quick.

Pretending you forgot something in potions you made your way down the corridor, slipping down another without being seen until you reached the far empty room.  George was pacing around inside.  Once you had closed the door, he had you pinned up against the door.  Kissing you harshly.  It took your breath away and caused you to drop your bag.  

“George?” you breathed, but he moved his lips to your neck, sliding kisses down while his hands gliding down to your arse.

After some more intense moves from George, he pulled away.  Looking sheepishly at you.

“Sorry, Tommy has been flirting with you too much for liking”  he mumbled.  Looking at your slightly annoyed expression.  The reason of which was because he pulled away.  To show this, you pressed your lips to his, just as urgent as he had.  Pushing him back onto the table.  He didn’t put up a fight as he stumbled back, you took the opportunity to remove your jumper and his before pressing your lips against his.  Part of you was doing this because you simply wanted him, but the other part of you wanted him to know you only cared for him.  George didn’t complain at all, lifting you up letting you wrap your legs around his waist.

Things only heated up from there.

The two of you laid in breathless silence beside each other.  Your clothes were scattered around the room.  It wasn’t exactly the first time the two had done it, but it was never quite as intense.  Once you two caught your breath, you both quickly got dressed, rushing down to dinner, looking a bit of a mess, but you covered yourself by saying you had fallen asleep when BFF/N asked.

Later before you were to meet up with George again you headed up to your dorm room to get changed.

“So, What is going on?, I know you are seeing someone, and I am guessing it’s someone you shouldn’t be seeing” BFF/N suddenly asked.  You froze mid-change.

“What makes you say that,” you asked, returning, tossing your shirt on the bed.

“Well those marks are a dead giveaway” she continued.  You quickly looked in the mirror, finding love bites scattered around your body.  You stared wide-eyed at yourself, you hadn’t even noticed them earlier when you were getting changed.

“Uh, well, I” you stuttered what were you going to tell her? You knew she wouldn’t tell anyone, or even judge but was it still the right thing to do?

“Oh, great Godric, is it a teacher, but who would it be?” she started pondering to herself.

“It’s not a teacher” you stated, blankly.

“Oh, then who, if you can’t tell me then that’s okay” she smiled, at you with a slightly sad expression.  

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, it’s just” you did really want to tell her.  She looked so sad, and a little hurt.

“It’s George” you, blurted out.  Feeling a little bit better already.

“George who?” just as she asked that realisation hit her. “George Weasley?”

You nodded as she stared.

“Ah, I see, that’s why would can’t tell anyone” she looked sad again.

“Yeah, well, after this year we won’t have to worry about keeping it hidden” you smiled.

“So, how long as it been going on?, is this who you're with when you disappear?, who asked who out” BFF/N bombarded you with questions, it felt normal.  You smiled at her, maybe sharing somethings wouldn’t be bad.

“Well, we’ve been dating since the ball, George made the first move and yes he is who I am with when I go off, I am not telling you where I do” she shared, as you continued to get ready.  BFF/N wanted to know more and more details but you were going to be late.

“Don’t worry Y/N, I won’t tell anyone and I can help cover you, when you go know” you were grateful for it, you said goodbye and left to go meet George.

You were sitting there for a while before he arrived.  

“Sorry I am late, Fred wouldn’t get off my case, he’s eventually going to notice” George replied, he gave you a kiss on the cheek then plopped down beside you.

“You can tell him if you think that’s okay,” you said.

“I think I will if you are really okay with that,” he asked

“Well, thanks to you, BFF/N knows” you pulled down your shirt revealing one of the love bites he had left.  George's face went the same colour as his hair.

“Uh, Sorry” he was smiling a bit pleased with himself but then he caught on.

“She won’t tell anyone” you reassured.

George relaxed, laying his head down on your lap,

“I thought we were going to homework” you smiled.

“I have an idea, you read and I listen” he suggested.  In Transfiguration, you had to read a few chapters of the textbook, for a quiz tomorrow so you agreed. Reading the book out loud.

George loved the sound of your voice, he could listen to you talk all day, and somehow he managed to take in every word you said and remembered it all.  You quizzed him every so often to see if he was actually listening, and he got it right, then again it might have been because you gave him a kiss every time he got a questioned right.  All in all, it was a rather productive night.  George was the first to get up, helping you up.  He quickly gave you a kiss and a hug.

“I love you” he smiled

“I love you too” you kissed him quickly then left.

The next day at breakfast, none of the Weasleys showed up, it was the same at lunch and dinner.  Maybe they went home early?.  Later that evening you were supposed to meet George again before the Christmas holidays, but he was a no-show.  You were getting worried, but who were you to ask?  BFF/N tried to reassure you but nothing she said worked.  

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p12 reaction

Back to Earth C presumably.

I gotta say, I'm curious to find out the final page count of Meat. The way we liveblog, the experience is stretched out, so with theories surfacing and such, we might be caught off guard when things are really over. There's only so far that things will be taken, though I guess we're still in for those "original Male/Female characters", I guess. :P That shouldn't refer to the new Reload timeline John created, I think, with copies of all the people mentioned in the rest of the character list. So, uh, yeah, guess the reason Arquiusprite wasn't mentioned in there was because he remained unseen, voided out if you will. And I guess we shouldn't expect an alternate Equius to have a talking role, either?

---

==>

Well! Talk about jumping straight into the action, this page opens with a dialoguelog! Back to Dave, Karkat and if my eyes didn't deceive me, we'll get some lines for Jade, too! Supportive Jade will be supportive.

"hit jane right in her neoliberal austerity measures" ... Hah. Well, I didn't think that would get referenced again at all, but it seems after all these years since John's 18th birthday Dave still has issues with the ol' N.A.M. So, Jane's a neoliberal AND a fascist now, Dave? Is that... even feasible?

"DAVE: now shes gonna spin some shit about supply side economics but we cant let her control the narrative on that one cause the first thing thats gonna happen once she begins deregulating the baking industry is that some sweet dumb crocodile down in consort land is gonna start putting sparkle glue in the cupcake mix which isnt even the real issue thats just surface issues KARKAT: RIGHT. JADE: definitely" ... Like, Dave I admire you're getting so into this, but you realize they aren't following, right? Also, why would Jane want to deregulate the baking industry if she's the leader of the foremost power in said industry, as well as running for president? Plus, Jane can't control the narrative because Caliborn is already controlling it! :mspa:

"DAVE: i mean earth c has just been play acting capitalism the last five thousand years while we timeskipped ahead to live rad lives as gods without bothering with any of the boring shit that goes into making a civilization DAVE: which is fine i mean you cant really expect a bunch of teens who didnt finish middle school to set up a sustainable form of social democracy that isnt just blatantly ripped off whatever we incorrectly thought obama god rest his soul was doing back in the day" ... Gee, Dave's given this a real lot of thought. Props to him, but I hope that aside from becoming 'an activist' he's also got some legitimite action points to improve Earth C's situation.

Guess Sburb really does a number on players, huh? "Congrats, you won, you're all gods now, and also, here's this whole civilization on the brink of collapse, have fun with that. Don't mess this up, I need those people to start the apocalypse in say, 2000 years, k thx bye." (The fact that this civilization, being outside of the Green Sun's influence, may never implement Sburb, is a bit besides the point since I think the trolls would have had the same issue tossed onto them had they actually gone through the victory door.)

Right, but the trolls had their home planet already effectively run by children, I wonder if that will come again? Even though they had carpenter droids at their disposal to run some things for them, they might actually be a bit more self-reliant than the humans!

"DAVE: but janes got this old school mentality you just know she wants to restrict grist alchemy for the sake of “growth” and when that goes down itll take three seconds flat for some nobody in new dersetown to drop the earth c communist manifesto" ... New Dersetown, I like the ring of that. Would call it New Dersey for short, though. :P Again, valid points there, Dave! If any revolt started, it doesn't have to be in the troll community, it could just as much be an angry carapace uprising! They're only docile if there's no one to rally behind.

Blaperile has this idea that the new society in a universe is not supposed to be seeded with the remains of the session nor the universe that came before it. That's actually a valid point; the only reason this society got kickstarted was through the cloning apparatus that was on the meteor! The consorts and carapaces seem like they would be able to reproduce biologically though, so I'm not sure how Sburb normally ensures the planet is a clean slate for a new species to emerge. ... Okay, so the planet itself doesn't really need to be the place where a new Sburb-playing species rises, true. There's a whole new universe out there.

Maybe through "importing" old Sburb technology, the "alpha" planet designation went to Earth C automatically, though.

Or maybe First Guardians are expected to 'cleanse' the planet from outside influence normally, but since this society's outside of the Green Sun's influence, that ain't happening. And Jade won't be going Thanos on Earth C.

"KARKAT: OH YEAH. JADE: of course DAVE: are you two even listening or are you just making noises with your mouths" Dave realizing he's monologuing? What character development is this. :O

"KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BEING ACCUSED BY DAVE STRIDER, REIGNING EMPEROR OF SPEWING ENDLESS VERBAL DIARRHEA DIRECTLY INTO MY INNOCENT HEAR DUCTS EVERY DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE, OF MAKING THOUGHTLESS MOUTH NOISES. KARKAT: JADE, ARE YOU HEARING THIS? JADE: im scandalized JADE: especially when JADE: there are much better things we could all be doing with our mouths....." ... Jade, your animes are showing again. ... I think that maybe Jade doesn't want this relation to be going where Dave and Karkat want it to go.

"It’s been a really nice day they’ve been having, and then Jade had to go say something like that. The air in the hive changes in a way that is palpable, in a way that she can’t seem to accurately gauge despite having both superhuman and superdog senses." ... Ah. So I guess maybe Jade just can't get a lid on some of her more... canine inclinations, at time. Welp!

"Elements of her outfit resemble her god tier jammies: peasant skirt, sparkly flats, and a bold choice in striped tights." Nice! That's only the third person who created an outfit based on her god tier outfit that we know, aside from Meenah and Rose.

"the couch where she crashed last night, and the night before that, and the better part of the seven years before that." It would seem Jade has the wanderlust then, she's more like the vagrant dog that comes visiting from time to time? More GCAT in demeanor than Becquerel, in practice. Heheh. Good for her, after being isolated on an island and then a battleship for so long, she's finally going out & seeing things!

"There are other personal effects of hers in the living room too: plants on the windowstill, her bass guitar sitting in a corner" Cool, so when she comes over, she typically lounges here then. Guess the flute never made it over, though. :p

"a horrific-looking periodic table that Dave made her for her seventeenth birthday pinned above the stairwell. He typed it in Comic Sans, and then deep-fried it to oblivion with JPEG artifacts." ... Next up, on For Fans By Fans...

"And Dave, with his preternaturally perfect timing, sweeps a hand over his tablet to bring up a new PowerPoint slide on the TV. He returns to his Comic Sans-written political presentation, gruesome artifacts and all" Dave, Dave that isn't professional at all!

", with the grace and proficiency of a man who has diffused an awkward situation in his own household many times per day, every day, for many years." Well, okay, that is really mature. But when Dave is the adult in a situation, the situation is very awkward per definition.

"DAVE: alternia: brutal eugenics based space dictatorship KARKAT: NOT UNTRUE." Succinct, brutal, but not dishonest.

"DAVE: troll homeworld: lord of the flies nightmare scenario where kids murder each other just to get the chance to get to grow up and murder other aliens instead KARKAT: IT WASN’T THAT BAD." Karkat. Karkat that isn't a valid rebuke.

"KARKAT: YOU MADE THAT LAST ONE UP. KARKAT: ALSO, IT WAS DISGUSTING?? KARKAT: GROW THE FUCK UP, YOU UTTERLY CONTEMPTIBLE, POTTY MOUTHED *CUNT*." ... The irony is stark.

"JADE: also you know trolls dont actually have two dicks dave thats an offensive stereotype" Are we really doing troll anatomy? Well, I guess it's good to know that the fan theory about Sollux at least isn't applicable to the entire species.

"DAVE: trolls: literally ate babies KARKAT: ONLY THE DEFECTIVE ONES. DAVE: like you my dude KARKAT: ...YEAH. DAVE: so thats why our campaign can work" Yeah, Karkat ate grubs, though they weren't troll babies. Also, yeah, Karkat was a mutant, but I wonder if that would really help his case here.

"DAVE: btw im gonna be giving a long form exam at the end of this to make sure youre retaining info because this is only like the most important thing weve ever done collectively" Well he ain't wrong.

"KARKAT: ARE YOU ASKING ME WHETHER I’VE HEARD THIS EXACT SPEECH ALMOST WORD FOR WORD, INCLUDING REHEARSED VERSIONS OF BOTH THE COLORFUL METAPHORS AND “JOKES,” TEN OR TWENTY TIMES ALREADY? KARKAT: BECAUSE THE ANSWER WOULD BE KARKAT: YES, OF COURSE I FUCKING HAVE." Poor, poor Karkat.

"Karkat elbows Dave in the thigh, a move that is obviously meant to be an action of pure, brotherly jest. But instead it comes off as affectionate and overly intimate. Jade’s clever eyes don’t miss this. Her pupils follow the motion of Karkat’s arm, and then they follow the movement of Dave’s mouth as he smiles in what he probably thinks is a totally neutral expression that reveals exactly 0% of his true feelings toward Karkat Vantas. In reality, his veneer is as thin and transparent as cellophane. He is the only person who can’t see through it.

Jade does some calculations in her head. Two kinds of calculations, in fact: mathematical ones and personal ones." So, is Jade reading too much into their relationship, or are the dudes just... Both too shy?

"JADE: soooooo JADE: do you want a projection of her first years hit on the economy down to the decimal with a 0.3% margin of error JADE: because thats a thing i can do if itll make you stop talking about this stupid election for ten minutes" I didn't know that were First Guardian powers! :p I suppose it might be her natural intellect though, but we've only known her as the hands-on science type until now.

"She proceeds to dazzle the two boys with explications on complex math utilizing taxation rates, GDP figures, and some damned thing called the “Laffer curve,”" Dang, Jade is as much committed to this as Dave! (Or maybe she learned all this because it means so much to him, that could be it too!)

"The thing about Jade Harley is that she’s not as good at personal things as she is at other things. Like science, or mastering fraymotifs, or kissing, the last of which she has definitely put a lot of levels into over the past few years because, well, what else are you supposed to do with immortal godhood once you hit the age where the dog hormones start kicking into overdrive?" Guess for dogs, kissing isn't that personal. :p And well, I guess Jade's only now learning the real consequences of turning into a real-life furry. At least she won't have had lack of candidates to practice kissing with. She might even have become the Witch of Spacing Out Young Adults.

"Her high-prescription lenses make her eyes look anime-huge. They might literally be glittering, she’s so completely serious about the issue she is trying to stress." And the fan artists rejoiced for all the new descriptions they have to work with!

" JADE: im about to lay out some cold hard evidence so pay attention! KARKAT: OH, HANG ON, LET ME GET A PEN." You can't live together with Dave for years without learning when it's time to start taking notes and grab a fucking pen.

"JADE: evidence about..... JADE: our relationship! KARKAT: FUCK" Pfff, okay, never mind. I think Jade might have hit a wall several times over before, trying to either define their relationship or take it to the next level. These dudes are really sensitive about their feelings, after all.

But it would be interesting, learning Jade wants to know where they stand just as much as the outside world does.

"JADE: you let me live in your hive when im in town KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE... JADE: im preeeetty intimately entwined in both your lives KARKAT: THAT YOU’RE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS? JADE: AND you dont disengage from about 86.234% of my flirtations KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU KEEP TRACK OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT? JADE: so....... are we doing this or not?" So, just like with taking on Lord English and acknowledging the lit fuse that is Earth C society, I guess the coming around of April 13th 2019 is when Jade had enough of all this silly business and wants to know what's what. (Also, I suppose the level of intimacy they shared on beforehand will be left to speculation.)

"KARKAT: DOING WHAT?! JADE: dating dummy!!!!!!!! KARKAT: OH. KARKAT: THAT IS KARKAT: THAT IS... A COMPLICATED TOPIC IN MY CULTURE THAT I’M NOT SURE HUMANS ARE EQUIPPED TO TALK ABOUT." Smooth, Karkat, real smooth. Maybe Karkat fears commitment will lead to some of their relationships shifting into other quadrants. And he wouldn't like to be moirails or auspistices with either of them.

"DAVE: also totally unrelated to the economy" ... Nice try Dave, but I think this can't be steered back into that track.

"DAVE: which not gonna lie is the only thing i want to talk about for uh DAVE: for however long it takes for this other conversation to stop happening JADE: so say no!!! DAVE: well KARKAT: UHHHHH JADE: im not just forcing this conversation for my sake! its for you two as well JADE: i mean after all this time have you two even kissed yet?????? DAVE: wha" I think Dave and Karkat might actually have been both content to stay uncommitted and fearful to put a label on it. Also Jade's question will presumably remain unanswered, it's already surprising it's confirmed she hasn't seen them kissing. And that is ignoring the matter of whether either Dave or Karkat kissed Jade before. I guess it's only fortunate for this situation that this instance of Jade never dated Davesprite, it would only complicate things further.

"DAVE: wha KARKAT: WH-WHY WOULD DAVE: uhh KARKAT: WHY WOULD WE KISS?? DAVE: thats KARKAT: THAT’S... YOU... I MEAN, HE’S... HE’S DAVE. DAVE: we KARKAT: AND I’M KARKAT." PFffffffff, hilarious! I can just see them blushing like tomatoes right now. Can't keep staying in denial bros!

"JADE: yes hes dave and youre karkat and everyone we know always calls you that JADE: “dave and karkat”" Hah! Yeah, but they also think you're part of the item, Jade. Care to shed some thoughts on the subject?

"JADE: i cant remember the last time i heard anyone mention one of you without the other JADE: the two of you have basically been together since your days on the meteor its SO obvious" Jade has turned this from a personal matter into a fandom matter. "Everyone and their dog knows you're dating, guys! Stop pretending otherwise!" It's interesting to note the different ways Dave has been seen handling relationships. When he dated Terezi in the GO timeline, it went south due her troubles in the black quadrant. When Davesprite dated Jade, it went south due to unresolved Dave issues, presumably having to do with his bros. With Karkat, Dave's been in a stable-ish thing for the longest time, though.

" KARKAT: VERY CLOSE FRIENDS WHO UNDERSTAND AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER ON A DEEP AND EMPATHETIC LEVEL THAT GOES BEYOND HATE OR PITY. YOU COULD EVEN SAY THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP... KARKAT: ...TRANSCENDS QUADRANTS." ... PFfffffff, so this could have been what it was like for the Sufferer and the Disciple, then! They were just never ready to commit? That would actually be funnier than it being this deep and fulfilling relationship. It would also make Doc Scratch' misgivings on the relationship even more hilarious.

"JADE: yeaaaaaah not gonna lie karkat but that sounds totally kinda gay KARKAT: UGH YOU HUMANS AND YOUR UNFATHOMABLE GENDER BASED QUADRANTS." ... Heh. Actually. Too trolls, the whole gender-based romance thing we have going must indeed be as unfathomable as leprechaun romance.

"Jade faceplams." Well that's a new verb. ;) What part of the body is the 'plam', exactly?

" KARKAT: ANYWAY WEREN’T YOU... DATING THAT CARAPACIAN COUPLE? LAST TIME WE CHECKED?" Lolwut. Jade. Jade are you... are you being a Ms. Casanova, a paramour or two in every city you frequent? If WV and PM turn out to be alive for the sole purpose of dating Jade, I'll choke on my drink.

" DAVE: wait you saying we arent fun JADE: whens the last time either of you left the house??????" I know Jade means it as in, she'd like to date them for keeps. But I also fulheartedly believe Dave and Karkat can sustain themselves on delivery pizza and chinese chow.

"In her other hand, she tries to grab Dave’s wrist, but he flash-steps to the other side of the couch." Well that's a new use of the power, guess Dave must really have felt alarmed. :p

"JADE: i wanna try dating for real KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED KARKAT: SORRY IF WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY TOTALLY BLOWS YOUR MIND KARKAT: DATING A SINGLE PERSON, FOR MORE THAN HALF A SWEEP, FOR REASONS OTHER THAN INITIATING THE CONCUPISCENT EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS?" Karkat is trying to throw the issue back into Jade's face by saying she should try dating for a longer period of time. But that's exactly what she's trying to do here! She knows who she wants that with! That poor little troll, he's not getting out from under this.

"JADE: third of all karkat arent you from a culture where people are expected to engage in romantic relationships with up to like five people at a time?? KARKAT: THAT’S NOT KARKAT: THAT’S NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL." If he's trying to avoid getting dragged into quadrants with people, he should stop upholding the validity of the quadrants to hold people off. :p

"DAVE: ok jade i think theres a flaw in your approach here cause you seem to think winning an argument on super clever logical grounds is gonna get a couple dudes to break down and fling themselves at you in like, a sexual way JADE: wellll it usually does ;B DAVE: oh my fucking god" So she swoons people by way of her big brain. Jade's got CLASS.

"This earns Dave a look. A long, sad one that has Jade messing with her glasses again so that she can peer right at him and apply some more of that faulty personal math to his facial expression." Just confirmation here that Jade isn't necessarily correct in all her assessments due to not being objective.

"JADE: dave are you in love with obama? DAVE: jade jesus where do you get this shit from JADE: is it about jesus then??????" Aaaaaand this has been derailed again.

"DAVE: no! DAVE: jesus wasnt even real JADE: i know he wasnt real! JADE: wait... JADE: are you saying JADE: obama was real? DAVE: ... DAVE: yes" Wut. Wai- I- Jade. Honey. Please. Guess for all her involvement in politics since, those isolated years on the island sheltered her WAY too much.

"DAVE: obama was real DAVE: he was the president KARKAT: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JADE: all this time i thought obama was like JADE: an aspirational fictional character that you modeled your life after KARKAT: AHAHAHAHA I CAN’T AHAHA BREATHE... JADE: like snoop dog or nicolas cage" ... Jade. Jade no. You're just making this worse on yourself. For Jade, there would have been almost nothing in Homestuck she'd have seen as a reference to 'real life', would there?

"senary numeral systems that allow me to do complex equations in my head" ... Why is Base 6 good for complex equations? I'm probably not good enough at math to know.

"KARKAT: WHY IS IT LIKE SOME SORT OF *TRAGEDY* HOW SHE WAS RAISED? KARKAT: BECAUSE SHE WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIMAL?? KARKAT: *I* WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIMAL!" There! It's getting acknowledged again, how Jade's upbringing more resembles a troll than a human's! Becquerel the lusus.

"There’s a ripple in the room that makes it clear their god tier powers have just clashed against each other. He shifts his arm through time and Jade warps the space around them so that she’s the one holding the tablet. This is not the first time that they have rearranged the fabric of reality for a petty reason like this. Karkat has permanently sworn off playing board games with them." ... Lol. First real use of the god tier powers in Earth C, and it goes like this! Wait, couldn't Jade have snapped... Right, no, she actually wouldn't have First Guardian powers anymore now, I forgot. Still, what did Dave try to do, move the tablet to another point in the timeline?

"The moment Jade brings the paint program up on the television, Karkat stops laughing. KARKAT: NO!" Oh boy. Time for the Penis Quadrant scene, this time with three people. ... This would actually fall under both definitions of a "sketch", actually.

"He tries to grab the tablet from her, but she’s hovering well above the ground and he simply is not tall enough to reach. With a shit-eating grin and deliberate care, Jade begins to draw a grid." He's going to jump up to grab her leg, to disturb the drawing, isn't he?

"She gives Karkat a pair of fuzzy, angry eyebrows" Now I'm starting to think of the Karkat expressions in that one Paradox Space.

"all he accomplishes is turning the redrom trajectory between her and Dave into a redrom loop-de-loop." This is all I could want from a reprise of this scene.

"JADE: see me and karkat have great black chemistry! KARKAT: IT IS NOT BLACK CHEMISTRY YOU HORRID NON-CHITINOUS WINDBAG!" A+ denial there, Karkat, props on the response.

"JADE: and now that daves all chill hed make a great auspistice" Jade just wants all Karkat's quadrants filled by the three of them, somehow.

"JADE: because you and karkat are kind of like moirails DAVE: no JADE: and you and i JADE: well yknow its always been pretty flirty DAVE: jade JADE: EXCEPT!

Jade finishes drawing a shaky heart directly into the paint program. It’s so big and bright on the TV that it fills the entire room with red light." She's putting all these names and symbols to the relationship, it might just be too much for these poor boys to handle. :p

"JADE: i call this political arrangement: JADE: fully automated luxury polyamorous space-time communism!!!!!!!" That is not the shipping name I would've chosen, but it's the shipping name we deserve. And hey, communism! Get it? Cause Karkat had a sickle.

I wonder what Karkat's take on polyamory outside of the ashen quadrant is, actually.

"Jade rolls her eyes and tosses both the tablet and pen over her shoulder. Dave flashes across the living room to catch his very expensive computing device in both arms. The pen bounces off his forehead." This. Entire. Scene.

"JADE: i have to go talk to roxy and callie about the election anyway" Well, she's going to let them stew on this for a while. But I'm eager to find out who Roxy & Calliope would back. You might think Jane's a given, but if she's been busy maybe they have grown closer to Jade & Dave!

"Jade clicks her heels together to propel herself back into the air and actually winks at them before absconding through an open window." Think happy thoughts! Also, I just realized becoming a god sadly never gave Karkat the powers of flight.

"Dave and Karkat both stare after her, silently caught in their own private rationalization spirals.

Karkat needs to verbalize part of his out loud." Ah, but can they stay in that spiral or will they have no choice but to break out of it?

"KARKAT: WANNA PLAY SOME TROLL TONY HAWK? DAVE: hell DAVE: yeah" Yyyyyeaah, they are not going to have changed when Jade comes back, will they?

So even Karkat calls it "Troll Tony Hawk", not whatever absurdly wrong name it'd have on Alternia, and not whatever Tony Hawk's duodecimal name in Alternian would be. :P

[muted-galaxies]

vampire falls

Vampire falls chapter 1- this is our town and we run the show

Under her feet the staircase creaked, the feet belonged to Mabel Maria Pines,the once bubbly care free resident of gravity falls oregon, known by everyone in town. That was of course a different time in the towns history, before the vampires made themselves know, before everything changed. Gideon Gleeful, of all people, was the ruler of the vampires. Mabel sighed in expiration, she was main bait for Gideon, he wanted her, her everything and it made her absolutely sick to her stomach to think about.

Mabel pov

I am part of what I like to call 'the resistance', It's mainly just me, Wendy, Grenda, Candy and Tambry because really? Thats all thats left of the town. We founded the resistance  when Dipper went missing, just a month after the vampires came out of hiding. Honestly when the vampires took over, we all did have little budge on changing our ways to fit what they wanted of us. When Dipper was gone that morning , either taken to be blood cattle by the vampires or drained by one of them, I don't know and i choose not to think about it, the whole vampire take over became more real to me.

When the vampires took over, they took all the men and I don't know why i have a feeling about the time period of most of the higher up vampires, none of them were born before the 20th century meaning the concept of women having any rights is alien to them. To blend in the one rule we did agree to quickly was the dresses which we paired with choker to easily block vampire bites.

We had taken over the mystery shack as our base, we've lived here for the better part of two years now, it's a pretty convenient place actually, surrounded by magic forest full of mythical creatures that hate the vampires as much as we do. Oh and i can't forget the underground bunker where great uncle ford did most of his research about gravity falls' weirdness.

Getting to the bottom step i looked around and am greeted with a sight that had grown to be normal to me by now,  wendy was sat around the table with an old, clearly loved but beaten, ipad.i took in a breath,let it out and  I walked to her sitting down near her. She looked up at me, her green eyes had lost the colour they once held,her hair scruffier than when we first met, the vampires took such a toll on all of us

"good morning Mabel , sleep well" Wendy said her voice was scruffy and scratchy but i payed it little mind instead  i nodded at her. Mornings could go better i guess but they could go a whole lot worse at that thought my hand found itself near my neck,near a bite mark sure its hidden by a choker but the memory of it will always be there to me.

I used to cry most nights,wanting my brother back by my side, some people just don't understand the bond we shared,he knew all my secrets and i knew his.He always had my back and i'm sure he would be for me right now in this situation,I think he'd stand by me ,would he be proud of me for standing up and taking on responsibilities?

"So do we have any plans for the vampires,then " i asked shaking my head to bring myself back to reality.I reached for an apple in the middle of the table and took a bite of it,savouring the taste in my mouth.Wendy shrugged at me before going back to her tablet, i guess she's stumped. It wasn't that i wanted to go out and kill but i will admit i get a bit of a ' thrill ' from it ,im going insane . stupid Gideon , stupid vampires .

Thinking back on everything i pick up on changes, drastic ones from the blissful preteen i was 2 years ago.The main thing that always seems to strike me,and others, is my looks im skinny yes but even describing me as that is too large , arms that are nothing more than skin and bones, a waist that used to be my proudest feature but weirdly enough a chest area that has stayed firm in place, reminding people of my femininity. Attached to my right leg, under my skirt is an old belt fashioned into a strap that can hold a knife for close up combat. As for the dress , i had no choice in the matter, gideon personally picked this dark purple harlot type dress. The one thing i do agree with of gideons clothing choice is the black laced gloves to cover my bruised hands.

I'm not special of course in the dress department, ALL females in gravity falls were given dresses against their will, all from different time periods, all with different connotations to the vampires. Gretta for example was given a formal, yellow coloured dress that honestly lasted 3 days before getting ripped and not repaired. Candy on the other hand had her dress picked out by amelie, one of gideons elusive sisters that appeared when he came out as a vampire, was a lolita style dress with alice in wonderland elements, i think it was the bow on top her head that made it feel that way to me. .

The two teenagers had identical black and white dresses that the middle class apparently wore in the victorian era, wendy has to stick to the dress as she leaves the shack with us regularly. Tambre gets to stay out of the dress and wear something more comfortable for her.

"We do have one plan i guess , we Strom the vampire castle and take back some of the boys that should help us on our attack ratio " Wendy said bringing me back to the whole situation right infront of me, i look at the ginger girl with a raised eyebrow before looking at the other two girls, they had the same look i did.

With confirmation from candy and gretta i turn back to wendy once again, putting my hand on the chair so i could properly lean forward at a slight angle.

"OK so the plan is we send candy and Gretta out first then we send out Mabel and Wendy , got it " tambre said speaking up from the other side of the table, she looked up from her laptop as  we all nodded at her.

She produced a key, holding it up to show us all, the silver had clearly seen better days yet parts of it still managed to catch the light,she then pushed the key across the table  over to me "trust me , I have friends on the inside,well one but who's counting " she looked over at Wendy who sighed in relief, i'd assume that's probably the first news she's heard about any of  her friend's in a long while,the slight relief she felt however was quick to go replaced with the same stoic face she always wears.

With that i pushed the chair back into the table and turned to candy and gretta "well if that's our plan i say we do some training" i said, they looked at each other before looking back at me nodding, i nodded back and the two of them made their way towards what used to be the gift shop. I'm about to follow them when i feel a hand on my shoulder digging in slightly.

I turn around to see wendy clutching my shoulder giving me a worried look all of sudden "we need to act quick,gideon will be getting restless,he'll come for you mabel and you know it" i nod at her holding my hands close to my chest before stepping back,shrugging off her hand slightly

"Prepare for the worst" i say streching my arms out infront of me, lacing my fingers together "expect the worst"

Gideon POV

In the depths of the castle we had taken over in the first few days, was where i decided to sit grinding my teeth together,rubbing my fingers together. The silence is blissful though to me it cannot and never will be complete silence.

Still i sat in my study "mabel darling,you've outran me for too long,you'll be right beside me, just you wait" i said to myself before picking up my goblet of someones blood, the girl had struck one of my heart strings about 2 years ago when she was 12 now she had grown into a extremely beautiful 15 year old.I got a taste when we came back out of the shadows,that one drop has driven me crazy and I wanted to get her as mine and only mine for the rest of her life.

The sound of another person being drained came from the other end of the castle,it was peaceful to hear  a humans poor scream as they hold onto the last bit of life they have , don't fight what's coming affter all this is our town now and we run the show, i put the goblet back down on the table,relaxed into my  chair but then again  one thing still troubled me, always in the back of my hand, where was dipper pines .

That boy was supposed to be the way i would get Mabel to give up her fight against us and be mine,bite that human, drain him infront of her in a helpless state and take her. I knew i'd have to find that boy if i were to ever taste her again, its only a matter of time, he cant hide from me.

[mispronouncing-michaelangelo]

cw: trans body stuff, hysterectomy and reproductive health stuff, and also sex to an extent

okay so im about 2 and a half years on T now, and for the last couple of months ive been getting this really fucking bad pain after penetration, but like,,, really severe cramping after the fact, its not that im being too rough or not prepped or anything, its just this really bad pain, that has slowly evolved to also happening after more intense orgasms, to now its just kinda sometimes there,, i mostly get it at night, and its bad enough to wake me up in pain, which is,,, as we can guess,,, not fucking fun t-t,,, but it seems that this isnt uncommon for people who've been on T for a while,,, and I had an appointment with my doc yesterday were i mentioned it and the look he gave me was so dear to my heart,, it was somewhere between sympathy and worry, but he told me they basically have no idea why it happens, and the only sure fire treatment is a hysterectomy which is,, kind of massive and i dont want kids, i never have, but the idea of medically needing to remove a whole organ is,, thats freightening,,, im also worried because of the whole ordeal of getting one should I take that path, im 21, and a big part of me feels p sure this is the sorta thing a doctor wouldn't consider bad enough for that kinda op, im worried ill be stuck in that area where i want it out and a doctor wont help but i need to stop myself from worrying about that just yet because my doctor has said that sometimes topical eostrogen helps and were gonna try that and ill burn that bridge when i get to it because rn there is still other options that im willing to try,,, he did say were 'swinging and hoping' with this, but honestly,, thats how i do everything in my life i guess so im keen to try it out,,,, but i suppose im also sad in some ways, i have this sense that i have failed and betrayed by body by choosing to put it on hormones and pushing it this far, and i dont regret my transition by any means, im glad for all ive become, but I was raised to worship my body,, and this feels like i have desecrated this temple i suppose,, i just feel like my period and by extention my whole reproductive system bonds me to the earth and the ocean and the moon and i know this was all just upbringing and stuff but it also makes me feel like i have injured that relationship between my body and the world around it,, like ive seperated myself constantly from things all around me,, i suppose right now, more then i have in a long time, im missing my mother,, i miss having older women in my life, they would have wisdom for me as i am now and i cannot get that, i feel so alone in this, so stuck,, i dont really know what to do besides try whatever i can and wait and trust in my own strength, i know im not alone, i know i have people i can turn to,, i know my own sense of failure is what stops me,, i just want to unmake my mistakes but i cant, and i need to accept that,,, and grow from here,,,

[krs724490]

4/1/20

Hey hey.. im back. i feel like ive been mostly hand writing my shit. so i think its time to update you on collin. hes not in here at all wow. i guess i can start at the beginning. tell you our story.

so i was going to take a break from boys. i was getting really jaded. and then my bored/unhealthy self decided to re-download hinge. Then i match with collin, chat a bit, and he asks me on a date for like the next day. i loved that bc i hate talking to ppl and making small talk. the whole point is to meet up. at this point i dont even tell anyone besides madison and malvika that i have a date because its just not exciting anymore. it just is what it is. i had low expectations after all that i had been through with guys. i pick him up and we go to a free comedy show. which was hilarious by the way. He was obviously different in person from what he seemed on hinge because you never really know. i didnt really have a strong first impression of him. i just remember thinking he was more quirky than i expected. and when he yelled titty pannini at the show and also said how he hoped i was old enough to fuck... like wow. thats when i knew he was outgoing. then we went back to his place and he somehow managed to get me to come inside! wow. lol. first date and im like uh sure. ended up staying the night and i had work the next day. i just remember he kept saying... we shouldn’t have sex because that means we wont have a second date and i want to go on a second date. and i couldn’t have sex anyway bc i was on my period. but i remember wanting to.. lol. just from the way we were making out. we had chemistry. i told him i was going to be busy the next like 3 weekends after this and he said ok then we gotta hang out friday. which was the next day... lol. so we had a wine and movie night and he brought crackers and cheese! wtf! so cute and thoughtful. that night we had sex. boiiiiiii honestly best sex of my life like holy shiii wtf. i hope its the same for him bc im like wow. wow. wow. so then... next day. madison and malvika wanna go out with their boys! madison says invite collin. im like well fuck im nervous i just saw him this morning and this is a lot. but. i invited him and it was SO MUCH FUN. my favorite part was showing up to the bar and seeing him there and sneaking up behind him and wrapping my arms around his waist. it just felt so good to be like ahh this ones mine. the one that i dance with and joke with the whole night. the only one i want to impress. (this of course was malvikas bachelorette night and madison’s dick hat night). then we went home. this is when it all becomes a blur. we had some taco tuesday dates. some survivor and wine dates. some game nights. all while not texting each other for fun. only texting each other to make plans. always hanging out during the week because i had so many ski trips planned. i feel l didnt let myself get too attached. i never do. its like i keep myself one step removed. i dont fall super hard. even though he is the most perfect boy ive ever had. i still feel myself not entirely there. I DONT KNOW WHY. im getting frustrated with myself. i want him to know how much i love him and how much i want us i want this. i want it for a long time. i dont want anyone else even slightly. no one could ever come close to him. but the words that come out of my mouth say differently. and i dont know if a sick part of me just wants him to know that i dont need him or that im desired by other guys. i dont know why i cant express myself fully. ANYWAY. i do want to tell the story of when we started to date. game night at my house. everyone else went to bed. were sitting under the window by the tv and i have my legs all across his. and he says something like “i know were not supposed to catch feels but like...” and im like woah hold up we’re not? and hes like well... we dont text and i thought you werent interested. and i said omg no! im sorry if i ever made you feel like that! i wouldn’t invite you to a game night with all my friends if i wasn’t serious about you. then we decided to date on 3/6/20. oh poop our 1 month is coming up. but our first date was on.. feb 5th so its pretty much been 2 months. but definitely feels like its been longer. 

ok i feel like i came here to evaluate where im at with him and i didn’t do that. so. i love him. i just know that i do. but every word that comes out of my mouth doesn’t make it sound like i do? and i hate it. i love him because: hes driven, hes responsible, hes goofy, hes fun, hes so handsome, he cares about how i feel, hes genuine, hes good at the little things like telling me he likes my outfit or giving me little kisses while im working. 

[wishhbones]

Wednesday, November 1st, 2017 -- 1:11 am

I type this as she is asleep beside me. 

I believe I met her at a swim meet during junior year of high school. I was a 15 year old boy. Hungry for attention and eager to please for it. This is our love story.

It doesn’t matter who I was around or which other girl I was attempting to flirt. I knew I wanted Valerie the most. Fuck, I think everyone knew that. The night of the swim meet we skyped for 7-8 hours into the night about Metallica and my bucket list. She has strict parents so this fact means a lot to me. I texted her everyday and like a fuckboy would say my “goodnight sweetdreams” and “good morning <3″. I wanted to get in her pants and thought I was being sly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But the more I talked to her I realize I had finally met my match. She’s funnier than me, smart; and not to mention, stunning. I’m sure of I’ve been caught a numerous amount of times staring. Just. Staring. The best part was, she would just.. stare back. I could feel the energy oscillate between us telling me that she wanted what I wanted. 

But what do I want now.......

.

I want her to be mine. 

I can’t let any other person take away this opportunity.

But

She wasn’t ready. 

.

.

And I lost it. I wanted beg... and I probably did ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

She wanted to stay as friends. That’s not what I wanted to hear. I assumed I’d be kept on a leash and be forced to watch her kiss another man.

So I left.. And she resented me, but at the time I don’t think she understood why. Through rumours I know she called me a bitch and such. okay :/

Time passed and when I would hear her name my heart would skip a beat. An equivalent to when its about to be your turn to present your project to the class. I swear I had arrhythmia too (I actually went to see a doctor about this, anyway I want to believe but I cant prove that she is the cause. o well)

She ended up dating a teammate from my swim team. Fucking hell. Of course it’s the fastest guy on the team. Of course she doesn’t want a mediocre fuck like me. This is what she wanted the whole time I thought. I hate her.

I think there was a time here where we felt interest for each other again, but she was still with him. It wasn’t right for me to take a woman away from her man. She knew it was immoral to keep flirting with me. 

It’s time for me to move on. I hated myself for hating myself. I stopped talking to Valerie. I found a girl who went on to became my lover and prom queen. And on Prom day, guess who came crying. Not my girl lol. I did feel bad. No one deserves to cry after this much preparation and in front of this many people, but I don’t think she would have let me approach her (I asked her recently, she said I should have lol).

There’s something I want to confess. Even though my prom queen was lovely. I had Valerie on my mind. All the time. I left her for the purpose of wanting a new opportunity, and guess who I went to right away. You guessed it. Val. She had newly become single and I wanted her like always.

Valerie wasn’t ready. Again...... And again she went off with someone else.......... I should have learned the first time :c

The summer after that year, I was able to witness her on the day she left that man. I’d pay good money to see that shit, but I saw it for free instead. I made her laugh that day with my awful singing. That’s a (+1) for my ego.

I want her. I crave her. I am desperately curious to know what she tastes like.

One time she actually let me come over to catch up on life. It was around the time where she had recently let go of her best friend (and mine at the time). I truly remember this distinct moment where we walked through her kitchen and I wanted to kiss her by her fridge. I didn’t. Also when she invited me to her room and I sat on her bed. God, I wanted to grab her and kiss her passionately like in the Notebook. I didn’t.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

After leaving, I texted her about how I felt a connection again and that I wanted more. I think she went along the lines of, “we’ll see how life turns out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”. Yeah, I asked her out like 3 times in a 6 month span after that. All “No”s.

But, why did she still talk to me... Does she only like the attention give to her. Thats probably it. When she’s lonely she comes to me for attention, gets high from it until she finds someone else. (This is actually what I assumed at the time).

Well, during May 2016, we clicked again. It felt real. She even said over the phone that she missed being friends with me. (idk how to insert a crying emoji here. i dont use a macintosh). We were due for a Blink 182 concert in a few months, except I had to buy my ticket separately from her and her friends. I was pumped, were finally taking off.

Well, hold your fucking horses because I was supposed to see her one weekend back from Ottawa and she stopped me. In fact, she didn’t want to continue what we had going on because she wanted to work on herself. She said she couldn’t produce her own happiness and I while I do agree that this is a very valid reason, I was fucking disappointed again.

A month goes by and I send her a regretful essay over text pouring my heart out and saying something along the lines of, “dont even msg me on my birthday, youre gonna ruin it :’(”

Another month goes by and I learn that she invited my best friend, Jeremy to go to the Blink 182 concert. She had an extra ticket. Another month goes by and I learn that she has a new boyfriend..................... 

just fucking kill me now.

It is September 2016, I fall into a deep depression. Stay high in my room. Skip class and eventually drop out of school like a fucking miscarriage. December rolls in and I find myself at home. A disappointed family surrounds me at the Christmas lit dinner table. Everyone is quiet and afraid to ask me how things are going. No one asked me actually.

My aunt gave me a self help book as my Christmas gift and I learned a very simple and great lesson. “Awareness is the first step towards Change”

I wanted to get better. I wanted to change from what I had become.

I applied to work at the pool.... which happened to be the same pool Valerie would supervise at... I carefully picked hours when she was not there. I dreaded that I would see her... but I was also sad that I didn’t see her. Strange. Anyway, I needed to reset my work ethic and picked all early bird shifts Monday to Friday. I invested over a thousand dollars into recording equipment to jump start my life as a musician. I rehearsed songs to play at open mic events. I flirted with girls again. I got back in shape doing cross fit. Soon after that, I got my first step into a job related to my field of study. I began working for Hibar Systems, an engineering firm dedicated to building high quality pneumatic pumps and assembly lines, as a Jr. Project Manager.

My life began to pick up again. Things were going great and I felt like I was finally moving on from Valerie....

One day, I decided to text her over Instagram probably about how dumb she looked in her profile pic. Apparently, it was great timing. I soon learned that she had gone through a life changing event just recently and wanted to break up with her boyfriend. I tried hard to act as a neutral body and give support.

On July 16th, Jeremy had tickets to go see Metallica. This was my first ever show and was ready to shit my pants. He had extra tickets though. So who did I hit up? ... Valerie.

And she said “yes” !

That night she told me that she only listened to Metallica because of me.. and that she thought at some point in the night that she was in love with me. Ain’t no drug can me higher than that. We had some great closure that evening. I learned that she was afraid to date me in case of the consequence that our breakup would mean the end of seeing me. That at least when were not together, I come around periodically (when im not ghosting on her) and thats better than never seeing me again.

A few days later on the 18th, I drove her back to her apartment from a get together with her friends. 

That night she broke up with her boyfriend. 

That night I kissed her. 

That night she told me, “Thanks for never giving up on me.”

It has been 6 years since I first met her. Now, I type this on her laptop as she is asleep beside me. I love her.

-Kevin ‘Konkon’ Chung

[eue]

my unfortunate visit to the gynecologist yesterday

so I had a bar in my arm for birth control (nexplanon) for over 3 years, it was long overdue to be taken out for a few months and I was finally able to go in and get it out yesterday. my best friend took me and brought her baby with her you know, for emotional support and stuff

the appointment was OK but there were a few things that really bothered me while I was there... Firstly, the nurse just asked me some basic stuff, what medications I was taking, and if I wanted to get another bar put in. I was like hell no to the bar, and expressed that I'd like to start the pill. The nurse told me to make sure to take it at the same time every day otherwise i would end up with a baby, like my friend. I understand that its a completely necessary precaution, but I just laughed a little nervously and told her that I'm a lesbian so I'm not too worried about the risk of getting pregnant. She seemed puzzled and asked me why I wanted birth control again, and I told her that my periods are really heavy and I wanted to regulate them. I was glad that she was respectful of my answer and didnt question me anymore, however, she didnt ask me any questions about how I felt on the bar, what my symptoms were, or why I didn't want to go back on it, so I took the liberty to explain to her the suffering I've been enduring over the last few years because of it, since I've been dying to tell a professional about it. I told her that for the first year of being on it I bled almost non stop, and that before i got the birth control I rarely had cramps on my period but they eventually became a regular occurance, and more recently (this year) I've been experiencing excrutiating pain on my period (which I still get about two times a month) to the point of almost being unable to get out of bed/participate in any kind of activity even after taking ibuprofen. The nurse was sympathetic but seemed really disinterested and provided no other feedback besides "thats awful, I'm sorry", as if what I was telling her was unimportant.

I thought maybe the doctor would be more interested in hearing about all of that, but I was wrong, and she even cut me off when I tried to explain my concerns as if she really just didnt care. I dont understand why these medical professionals are so disinterested in hearing about my body's negative reaction to what was supposed to be one of the most "painless and symptom free" forms of birth control. I'm guessing its probably because they know they can't do anything to help me and also because doctors dont care to think twice before putting young girls and women on unpredictable and possibly harmful forms of hormone control as long as it keeps them from getting pregnant.

The doctor struggled a bit with the extraction of the bar, which I don't blame her for, as it was in there for a long time and she explained that muscle tissue had began to grow over it making it really difficult to pull out in one piece.

After she put a pressured dressing on my arm she asked me again if I was wanting to take the pill. I said "yeah, just to regulate my periods" and she expressed to me with great urgency that I need to pick up my prescription ASAP and take it right away as I could get pregnant if I don't take it immediately. I felt a little nervous and awkward again so i just said "thanks, but Im actually a lesbian, so I dont think im at high probability to get pregnant anyways" she gave me kind of a weird smile and said "well you never know! your sexuality could always change as you mature, you definitely might not stay that way forever, besides, what if you decide you want kids some day?" I started to feel a little sick to my stomach after she said this so all I did was smile and give her a nervous laugh. She made a point to ask me if I was in a healthy relationship and I said yes. I was basically silent until she left the room and the second we left the building i was ranting and raving to my friend about how utterly unnecessary her doubt in my sexuality was. I'm 19 and have had enough romantic and sexual relations with a vareity of people to be able to figure out what my preference is and narrow down what is essential to me in a romantic/sexual partner.

My (straight) friend expressed to me confusion in why the doctor was curious about the nature of my relationship, as throughout her entire pregnancy and numerous vists to the gynecologist no one /ever/ asked her if her relationship was "healthy"

I was kind of surprised by this because i figured the doctor would ask everyone this, regardless of their sexuality. Isn't it kind of dangerous to assume that a pregnant woman is safe in her relationship just because its heterosexual, given most domestic abuse cases are perpetrated by men?

anyways, this is long enough, I just wanted to vent about this somewhere. If you actually read it all thanks for being interested in my life!