#im such a great employee
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one of the things that i think we should pay attention to, socially, about the disney v. desantis thing is that it is really highlighting the importance of remembering nuance.
in a purely neutral sense, if you engage in something problematic, that does not mean you are necessarily agreeing with what makes it problematic. and i am worried that we have become... so afraid of any form of nuance.
disney isn't my friend, they're a corporate monopoly that bastardized copyright laws for their own benefit, ruin the environment, and abuse their workers (... and many other things). this isn't a hypothetical for me - i grew up in florida. i also worked for the actual Walt Disney World; like, in the parks. i am keenly aware of the ways they hurt people, because they hurt me. i fully believe that part of the reason florida is so conservative is because it's been an "open secret" for years now that disney lobbies the government to keep minimum wage down, and i know they worked hard to keep the parks unmasked and open during the worst parts of Covid. they purposefully keep their employees in poverty. they are in part responsible for the way the floridian government works.
desantis is still, by a margin that is frankly daunting, way worse. the alternative here isn't just "republicans win", it's actual fascism.
in a case like this, where the alternative is to allow actual fascism into united states legislation - where, if desantis wins, there are huge and legal ramifications - it's tempting to minimize the harm disney is also doing, because... well, it's not fascism. but disney isn't the good guy, either, which means republicans are having a field day asking activists oh, so you think their treatment of their employees is okay?
we have been trained there is a right answer. you're right! you're in the good group, and you're winning at having an opinion.
except i have the Internet Prophecy that in 2-3 months, even left-wing people will be ripping apart activists for having "taken disney's side". aren't i an anti-capitalist? aren't i pro-union? aren't i one of the good ones? removed from context and nuance (that in this particular situation i am forced to side with disney, until an other option reveals itself), my act of being like "i hope they have goofy rip his throat out onstage, shaking his lifeless body like a dog toy" - how quickly does that seem like i actually do support disney?
and what about you! at home, reading this. are you experiencing the Thought Crime of... actually liking some of the things disney has made? your memories of days at the parks, or of good movies, or of your favorite show growing up. maybe you are also evil, if you ever enjoyed anything, ever, at all.
to some degree, the binary idealization/vilification of individual motive and meaning already exists in the desantis case. i have seen people saying not to go to the disney pride events because they're cash grabs (they are). i've seen people saying you have to go because they're a way to protest. there isn't a lot of internet understanding of nuance. instead it's just "good show of support" or "evil bootlicking."
this binary understanding is how you can become radicalized. when we fear nuance and disorder, we're allowing ourselves the safety of assuming that the world must exist in binary - good or bad, problematic or "not" problematic. and unfortunately, bigots want you to see the world in this binary ideal. they want you to get mad at me because "disney is taking a risk for our community but you won't sing their praises" and they want me to get mad at you for not respecting the legit personal trauma that disney forced me through.
in a grander scheme outside of disney: what happens is a horrific splintering within activist groups. we bicker with each other about minimal-harm minimal-impact ideologies, like which depiction of bisexuality is the most-true. we gratuitously analyze the personal lives of activists for any sign they might be "problematic". we get spooked because someone was in a dog collar at pride. we wring our hands about setting an empty shopping mall on fire. we tell each other what words we may identify ourselves by. we get fuckin steven universe disk horse when in reality it is a waste of our collective time.
the bigots want you to spend all your time focusing on how pristine and pretty you and your interests are. they want us at each other's throats instead of hand in hand. they want to say see? nothing is ever fucking good enough for these people.
and they want their followers to think in binary as well - a binary that's much easier to follow. see, in our spaces, we attack each other over "proper" behavior. but in bigoted groups? they attack outwards. they have someone they hate, and it is us. they hate you, specifically, and you are why they have problems - not the other people in their group. and that's a part of how they fucking keep winning.
some of the things that are beloved to you have a backbone in something terrible. the music industry is a wasteland. the publishing industry is a bastion of white supremacy. video games run off of unpaid labor and abuse.
the point of activism was always to bring to light that abuse and try to stop it from happening, not to condemn those who engage in the content that comes from those industries. "there is no ethical consumption under late capitalism" also applies to media. your childhood (and maybe current!) love of the little mermaid isn't something you should now flinch from, worried you'll be a "disney adult". wanting the music industry to change for the better does not require that you reject all popular music until that change occurs. you can acknowledge the harm something might cause - and celebrate the love that it has brought into your life.
we must detach an acknowledgment of nuance from a sense of shame and disgust. we must. punishing individual people for their harmless passions is not doing good work. encouraging more thoughtful, empathetic consumption does not mean people should feel ashamed of their basic human capacities and desires. it should never have even been about the individual when the corporation is so obviously the actual evil. this sense that we must live in shame and dread of our personal nuances - it just makes people bitter and hopeless. do you have any idea how scared i am to post this? to just acknowledge the idea of nuance? that i might like something nuanced, and engage in it joyfully? and, at the same time, that i'm brutally aware of the harm that they're doing?
"so what do i do?" ... well, often there isn't a right answer. i mean in this case, i hope mickey chops off ron's head and then does a little giggle. but truth be told, often our opinions on nuanced subjects will differ. you might be able to engage in things that i can't because the nuance doesn't sit right with me. i might think taylor swift is a great performer and a lot of fun, and you might be like "raquel, the jet fuel emissions". we are both correct; neither of us have any actual sway in this. and i think it's important to remember that - the actual scope of individual responsibility. like, i also love going to the parks. Thunder Mountain is so fun. you (just a person) are not responsible for the harm that Disney (the billion dollar corporation) caused me. i don't know. i think it's possible to both enjoy your memories and interrogate the current state of their employment policies.
there is no right way to interrogate or engage with nuance - i just hope you embrace it readily.
#does this make sense#to do be deleted probably yikes#(takes a swing at a wasp's nest)#like i think ppl have started to just be really quiet when they like something 'problematic'#and im like... u can be like -#girl tswift NEEDS to just TAKE A BUS . LIKE?????????????????????#while also being like.#''she's a lot of fun''#if ur personal policy is that u don't support her for that reason that's great#but it's like. eating meat???#like yeah some people won't bc the environment. but the fact i eat meat doesn't mean i hate the earth#like i can say that i think the meat industry is HORRIFIC and also downright cruel to its employees#but like. still enjoy a chicken nugget....#there are people who choose otherwise. it's okay . we are people. i make like no money. u probably don't either#us fighting about whether or not it's Right To Eat The Chicken Tender just distracts from like.#actually turning your ire on the corporation#i hope it's clear what i'm saying here is like. when we fight each other for Purity Reasons#we are just doing the work of corporations . for free. like they WANT us to be doing this lol#it's the fucking DREAM of the upperclass that now ALL forms of responsibility fall on the individual
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made a realization today
#sure ive had 5 jobs in the last 2 years because i keep quitting whenever i start consistently fucking up. but also#i think im doing them a favor by not being a leech on their company#and they should be greatful i dont confidently ruin their lives by being awful at everything i do for longer than necessary.#txt#i say all this. but historically i did believe with full confidence that i was going to get fired on the day i was given the companys first#ever employee of the month award.#suicide joke#my art
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GUYS GUYS LOOK AT WHAT I SAW AT MY LOCAL DANGERFIELD
'ASTARION APPROVES' 😭😭😭
Omg I was so gonna buy the necklace but I thought to leave it on the mannequin for the next bg3 fan.
#it was 19 dollars so that was super good#especially for dangerfield iykyk#but cool reference lol#i love it when chain buisnesses let their employees customise the store#it just brings more life and personality into what would just be another branch of the store#god knows my workplace would never#lets go megacorp buisness#i was gonna suggest making a book reccomend thing for our book section but then again im literally the only one who cleans there#anyways yeah dangerfield is great!!#bg3#baldurs gate 3#astarion
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so the current project im on might be split up to send us to another surveying project 4 hours south of here. we might find out tomorrow who's being sent away. i think they're going to decide based on who lives where.
anyway send good vibes my way that i'm sent on the project with the coworkers I like or that the project is pushed back a few months ❤
#im. mildly drunk.#i really like the people i work with and there are quite a few of them from near the area (ie from NY and NJ)#so i hope we all get sent together because i WILL cry if im left up here#like i like all my coworkers very much#but there are a select few where im like. please. im holding on by a thread.#and my mental health has been shit lately bc im not out#and basically being deadnamed and misgendered 24/7#but like. they help.#also im 90% sure i drunkenly came out to one of them#bc i blacked out when we went out drinking#but i remmber i was talking to him#and now he uses they/them pronouns w/ me#so probably?? i was stupid??#im also not a permanent employee of this crm company#so idk if they'll invite me back next year#and we only dig until the ground freezes#i like my crew lead at my other company! she's great#but like. idk. i hope they take me back. i like this company so much
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the only thing more homophobic than rwby being on the chopping block right after releasing the season that made a 10-year-long lesbian/bi girl relationship official, is red vs. blue being on the chopping block with just ONE final season left planned where they were going to canonize the 20-year-long romantic relationship between two of the main male characters
#love loses 😔#im not serious about the homophobia part but the timing of all of this is really frustrating#plus the poor rooster teeth employees who all worked so hard to bring us so much great stuff over the decades. its so unfair to them#rvb#grimmons#rwby#bumbleby#tee.post
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oop, I lied to my boss and he might be calling me out on this lie later.
the one day I just wanna fuck off and he decides he going to actually show up at the office today and see if I'm telling the truth.
oh well, though. I'm not letting it stress me out.
maybe I'll just start looking at indeed preemptively though. as a precaution.
#at this point i acknowlege im just a bad employee#but im great at lying about it#not been properly fired yet#i usually resign if i smell it coming
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i call it the struggle of being a gay/bisexual trans man
#who struggles with dysphoria and wanting to “pass”#its societies expectations of gender expression & that by these standards being a gay trans man should be inherently contradictory#of COURSE not all mlm are feminine. of course not!!#but thats the general stereotype and of course my stupid brain tries to validate my gender#by acting like a stereotype of my identity (minus the trans bc ofc i wann a pass as cis 🙄)#the 🙄 is directed at me.#anyway all this to say i had a GREAT (really awful) time buying a suit today#im in love with it now but boy howdy it was a journey#its way more feminine than what id usually wear and also not what i had in mind#and the employee helping us definitely did not pick up on the fact that i was a guy. which like bless her she was really sweet#but it did Not help#i wish i could wear these fem things and look like a pretty man but tbf i just look like a tomboy#but ill be fine#trans#transmasc#trans man
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GOT AN INTERVIEW FOR TOMORROW EEEEEP... time to imagine Bob helping me practice for it :Dc
#im not nervous yet somehow... but i think i probably will be tomorrow morning LOL 😅#it seems like a great position for me so 🤞🤞🤞‼️‼️‼️#they got back to me FAST AS HELL so hopefully it means theyre desperate for employees and want me badly LMAO#caitiechat
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RANT
#hey boss#u uh- u said i was working sun n wed- can i have more consistent days so i have days to block out for interviews?#.#uve been forewarned#ok so its four months into my gap year and HOLY SHIT JOB SEARCHING IS SO FRUSTRATING#so im working as a clerk at this law firm mon and wed (only 8 hours total tho)#n i THOT i had my reatil job in the bag but then boss goes “yea im really sorry but i cant give u three days - only sundays and weds”#so i was like great ok i need another job thats cool ill just bliock out sundays and weds for potential employers#THEN on sat boss texts n goes “ahhh i dont need u till next week- also can u switch ur wed to fri”. ??????? MA'AM#so i go#she says sorry kid i dont WHICH IS FINE I APPRICIATE THE COMMUNICATION#so i have an interview the next day at a coffee shop for a time THE MANAGER OFFERED#i show up after having pit my day aside for this noon interview#i walk in employees go “uh ho manager stepped out”#she camnt come back for the rest of the day AND doesnt apologize in her email- just “unfourntallyyyy i didnt have time to check my email”#MAAM YOU SEND THE INVITE#whatever#luckily last friday i was invited to this job fair by like four diff locations in san fran n was immeditaly hired#(first trial shift tmr yay!)#but the commute is gonna be KILLER#however im hopeful n i love coffee so yay#also my pet sitting is taking off ive got two sits booked for october#which is suprising bc im also traveling for half the month#manchester edenbrough st andrews milan lake como babayyyyyyy#also this thursday im heading to chicago and maine for a wedding (yay go love!) and to tenessee for another wedding in jan#so now ive got law firm retail associate barista dog sitter n i just KNOW when the holidays roll around n both retail jobs will be wack ill#be floored#but. ahem anywats good things frustrating thinsg stressful things but GOD am i glad i took this gap year#oh yea and ive been hiking tones! lands end trail#tilden park
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i don't care how big a company is, the response to an employee asking for an advanced warning before they are affected by changes made by the company should never be "get used to it."
#my new manager on duty (bc apparently we have that now) said that there's gonna be a lott of changes happening around the shop..#and she expected me to just be like yay cool great lets get started?#like she was surprised when she came back and my face was kinda downcast?? as if i hadn't been driven to tears by the suddenness of this?#sometimes im like wow i really am not suited to funtion in society#but this is just one of those things that like.. why is this something i have to get used to when it makes so much more sense to just#warn people#giving people time to prepare can only have positive results? and its so not hard?#(i even asked point blank why our hours were changing. which was part of this whole shift. and one of my managers gave me ZERO actual answer#like she dodged that question like the plague and didnt even address the fact that she was after i repeated the question two more times.#like is it really that bad to give reasons??? surely reasons only make employees feel more responsible for the company they're working for?)#idk ugh#i just needed to rant sorry#jules talks (and talks)
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my local card shop is shutting down and its going out with some insane drama like.
i was just there getting a booster pack whAT THE HELL HAPPENED
#cryp txt#im highkey really sad that shop was so fun#and the employees who worked there were amazing and supportive#but apparently the owners brother who owns the store front is UHHH THE WORST?#anyway justice for dragon snack and the people who made it great
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am i hoping for bad things to happen to watcher? no!!! absolutely not!!! i really hope they continue to do great and pull in more people HOWEVER do i foresee bad things happening? yeah for sure…like just on a business level this was a horrible move and i have such mixed emotions because i WANT good things for them but that just…won’t happen
#watcher i still love you and i still want you to be so successful#but on a PURELY BUSINESS LEVEL this is so dumb#like just a bad idea#like they deserve to get good money for all that they do because they make GREAT content for us#and their employees deserve good wages because again…they do a lot to make such good quality stuff#but again….this isn’t going to work out#like im in college i don’t have enough money to pay for this :(#i still use my moms netflix :(#anyway#watcher#ghoul boys#we are watcher
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Lander: Did you just call my romantic options I give to Gavvin "a multiple choice test"...... Basil: Yes. Lander: It's not a test - Basil: If there is a wrong answer in your mind to the options provided, it's a test.
Lander runs a convenience store (he got it after his parents died) and he has a huge crush on very broke Gavvin who showed up one day out of the blue. And so Lander hires him and lets him live with him in the back of the store and honestly it's love at first sight for Lander. But Gavvin is much more "mmmmm kinda wary of you for hiring a guy off the street you've never seen before but I accept the job thank you".
Basil unfortunately is a teacher who has to not only put up with his teenage students but also Lander (and their very weird friendship) and Gavvin (very socially awkward new guy in town who asks a lot of questions to him specifically). Basil is chronically done with everyone while everyone is like "ah yes, he can help me with my problems".
#my characters#they are from a very old plot where i just .... wanted to explore relationships#i dont talk about it much because there wasnt actually a plot but its just me fascinated by ages and interactions#like basil as a respected teacher getting constantly slammed with weird gavvin questions and student drama#while lander vs his crush on gavvin also has two other employees to interact with#and then the students had interactions with each other and siblings#and then one student was the younger sibling of the butcher while there was also a bakery owning family#so then there was like... businesses kinda interacting#it was all over the place for what was going on but i just like interactions#lander and gavvin actually fit the requited young love spot#while there was also a married couple who were absolutely in love with each other and it was great#they were so sweet to each other and i love them a lot lol#anyway i just remember there was a student who had the nickname panda and thats about it#he was good friends with the butchers younger brother ?? but bc they were in the same class#and panda had a girl that was his bff and had been for years and im trying to remember her name#it started with an r i think ???#there are too many tags already im gonna shut up now
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found out my boss was talking shit about me to my friend. she even called me useless (allegedly) like bitch… I saved your ass so many times and I made sure to leave on good terms with her so???? fake bitch my hug was wasted on her
#my friend lied and said we were no longer friends to see what my boss would say about me#that was rlly funny though I gave her a high five for it#im not too bothered by it apparently she’s getting worse and worse#she’s even bullying the company physician#and it seems like 2 people on the team are for sure gonna quit soon#calling me useless is rlly funny considering how much she begged me to stay and wouldn’t even let me take days off without#whining constantly. Like I was a GREAT employee 🙄 why do you think I had so many mental and emotional breakdowns lol
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kny x tokyo ghoul au
was thinking abt following tokyo ghoul's storyline and making nezuko get organ donor ghoul-ified like kaneki but on second thought that seems a bit boring. the slayer marks (tanjiro's specifically- that one frame in the red light district arc where he looks like hes absolutely lost it) made me think of the sort of insanity thing with centipede kaneki when he started eating ghouls. (nezuko's bout of literally losing control of herself beating daki is probably a bit closer tho) dont know what to do with that. tanjiro being human and having to keep nezuko safe with her new life as a half-ghoul is pretty cool but i dont know. could make it different
#sakonji as coffee shop owner and sabito & giyuu as workers and the fox squad being the underground Good Ghouls makes me kick my feet#goth/alt vibe makomo as the mask maker MWAH and sabito & giyuu playing as regular college kids. giyuu 'eating' out with friends and#sabito drive-by eating his food before booking it (Sabito-! you bastard!) and later when theyre alone giyuu holding his hair back#(you should stop eating my food all the time..) ((im fine- as long as it makes it easier on you))#tanjiro working as a server & nezuko more as#.#i forgot hanae-san also voiced Kaneki#what the fuck is it with him and voicing the main characters of anime about the morality of cannibalism#its not much but its weird that its happened twice#i completely fucking forgot abt that and here i am literally putting tanjiro in his place#as i was saying nezuko has a 'job' there but shes not actually employed or forced to work she just hangs around in uniform like her brother#while tanjiro's the one thats employed. shes the cute mascot of the place and sabito gets hype with her and it entertains ppl#sabito nezuko interactions beloved<3 she makes him go big brother mode#giyuu's behind the counter helping sakonji make coffee so he doesnt have to interact with people (as much)#something something also half-ghoul genya being an antagonist at first until tanjiro & nezuko's bond makes him change his mind#and he becomes the newest employee at the coffee shop. que him and sabito bickering at eachother like children and tanjiro being so#sweetfaced and genuinely kind to him & giyuu being a chill comforting presence he can go to#confides in them his fear about his brother and the guilt he feels for being around them bc it puts them in danger#mm#sweet au. great playing field to ruin absolutely everyone#i should rewatch/read tokyo ghoul its been almost a year i think#do that then decide how i want the au to play out if i want it to try to follow that storyline or if i should do some worldbuilding fuckery#of my own instead to completely change how nezuko & genya's half-ghoulness would happen#i remember i dropped tokyo ghoulre but i dont remember why. didnt bother after that Hide scene in the anime but i dont remember y the manga#i was listening to Seijatachi for writing vibes and stared a bit too long at the album image i put#kny#tokyo ghoul#kamado tanjiro#kamado nezuko#kny x tokyo ghoul au
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i love being around my gf in public but sometimes being with her makes me realize the depths of how differently people will treat what they perceive as a Femme Woman vs how theyll treat whatever they think is going on when they look at me
#a lot of the times i make her do the talking when the vibes feel Phobic#its genuinely just easier to let her handle people who see me approaching and look suddenly nauseous or angry#hiding behind my femme because the way people are immediately rude and confrontational to me is going to land me in prison one day#and its great because nobody but her or the handful of friends ive worked with understand or believe me when i say that#people (usually conventionally attractive ppl or Men or skinny ppl or ‘’cishet passing’’ or gender conforming)#just refuse to believe i get treated shitty or different. they refuse to believe it until i go out with them or hang out#and they see how servers talk to me or stranger will give me a wide berth jsut to ask who i was standing to directions#why do i have to show people why cant they just believe me why cant they just take my word for it#i dont fucking enjoy it. its a huge fucking roadblock for me socially and professionally#but whatever im just being dramatic i guess#the next employee who looks at me and turns their back to me mid-sentence is going to be physically assaulted. btw.
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