#and she expected me to just be like yay cool great lets get started?

[bookishjules]

i don't care how big a company is, the response to an employee asking for an advanced warning before they are affected by changes made by the company should never be "get used to it."

[notyoureve]

Well, what can I say about my feelings after LiS:DE...

First of all... I still believe in the Chaseprice supremacy, yay!!! Even tho I didn't get the same impression of flirting in their conversation in the comments as the others😅 But at least they talked! My faves since 1st game! What a blessing to a shipper!

2) Thanks for the Caulscott content — not in the ways we as the MxN shippers could ever expect, but still🤣🤝 I just knew one of the D9 crew is one of us since that little background scene in BTS — what can I say, hinting twice (if not thrice) is almost canon to me🤪😁🤭

3) Vinh, freaking, Lang... The moment I saw Vinh in the sneak-peak before the release I predicted him to be the male love interest😜 I'm so grateful I was right — their progressing relationship was so beautiful... Even though their kiss was shorter than the kiss with Amanda, but damn... butterflies in my stomach were enough to say it was one of the most romantic scenes in the whole franchise. And the way he didn't want her to leave? Oh, my man, she has a way with leaving her almost boyfriends after kisses😭 And how happy he is after the game events when he finally sees her? And their hug? I'll never recover... I also believe in the DE Langfield supremacy, their interactions were absolutely one of the best parts of the game for me!!!

4) The pretty barista I didn't expect to love❤ I liked Amanda somehow, but I don't see her with Max at all... I'll say a very controversial thing, but the girl deserves so much better than Max😃 I would rather ship Ms Thomas with Ms Chen, and yet — they have some very nice scenes together. But even as a die-hard Caulscott shipper I'll say that Pricefield>>>Caulmas, especially after the way D9 just pushed the romance with her from the very first scene... The pushing was so cringy that I literally thought I would never like Amanda🤔 But here we are! She is fun and I love her, so she's my girlfriend, not Max's, okay?

5) Safi and Moses!!! Ooh, I loved them so much💔 Didn't like what they did to Safi by the end of the game, but she's a very great character besides all the other shit. And Moses is simply one of the best characters in the franchise, beat me. And his friendship with Safi is sooo dear to me🥺 Tbh, I expected much more from his role in the game and I believed at some point that he was helplessly in love with Safi. Not sure if this is for the best it turned out absolutely differently... And IMO Max x Safi/Max x Moses still have a better chemistry (even as a friends) than she and Amanda romantically😅 But there were definitely some sparks with Safield, yeaaah (it's very funny btw that it's the only sounding acceptable name of their ship, lmao)

6) The plot... What plot? Was it there? I missed it? Ah, it was so little and hasty it didn't deserve to become a BIG game... And yet! The game was much better in some ways I didn't expect, and so much worse at the same time((( There were some great ideas I truly liked, because they resonate with some of mine, but all the same they were ruined by some plotholes and inconsistencies — ooh, disappointment is strong here. But overall I liked the game! The music — one of the best parts of the finished product indeed🔥 The narrative was very lazy in the start and too rushed in the end, and it was the main reason what ruined the full experience to me😟 As for the characters... Well, most of them were cool, but there are so few of them comparing to the previous games. I honestly expected more of them, or at least more interactions with them... But let's end here!) Even if the plot wasn't perfect, there were plenty of moments I truly enjoyed.

7) The whole Chloe thing. I didn't expect much from the start (and I mean announcement), but was quite surprised we didn't saw her in the game besides photos. Breakup wasn't unexpected for me, but I suppose I can understand the feelings of the die-hard MxC fans. I won't say that I'm fully on their side, but still I understand what it's like🙏 And btw I had no problem with revoicing her by Rhianna since announcement, but... um... Something went strongly wrong — I absolutely fell in love with her work in BtS, and was absolutely shocked with what I've heard in DE🤯 She doesn't even sounds like herself((( What they did with her..? And why did she sound so emotionless? It was the only disappointing thing with Chloe for me. But perhaps there was some reason, if some theories will turn out to be true, who knows... But her haunting the narrative in the start and in the end was delightful in some ways, I won't lie.

8) The whole NOTMYMAX thing. Well, I can agree with some statments, but I do not see anything contradictory in her actions or her design. Even if it's Max-fkn-Caulfield, it doesn't make her less human and does not forbid her to grow and change, and especially doesn't forbid to become more serious and pathetic at the same time😃😆 Aaaand... Jesus Christ, Hannah Telle gave a simply outstanding performance — I missed her so much💔💔💔 Her returning to Max is also one of the best parts of the game and it's so heart-warming that her voice hasn't change at all🥺 And in the end: the bisexual queen returned — Max still is so Max it made me involuntarily smile throughout the game)))

I can endlessly speak of everything I think about the game, but there's so much to say I won't say no more at all😆😆 But all cringe and weak plotlines aside, some sides of DE were really great to explore! And since I'm more of an optimist, I will not rate the game just to not upset myself🤣

[toriluvsnickwayne]

Getting Hooked

Chapter 5

Hook x Reader

Getting Hooked Masterlist

Tyler's POV:

I made my way over to the bar, my heart racing with excitement. I had to get to know this girl, and I had to make her mine.

As I approached, she looked up and caught my eye. She smiled, and I felt my heart skip a beat.

"Hey," I said, leaning against the bar beside her. "You're quite the dancer."

She laughed, and I loved the sound of it. "Thanks," she said. "I was just letting loose."

"I can tell," I said, grinning. "You looked amazing out there."

She blushed, and I loved the way her cheeks flushed pink.

"Thanks," she said again. "I'm Y/N, by the way.

"Tyler," I said, holding out my hand.

She took it, and our palms touched. I felt a spark of electricity, and I knew I was in trouble.

"It's nice to meet you, Y/N," I said, holding her hand for a little too long.

She smiled, and I knew I had her attention.

Y/N's POV :

I was taken aback when Tyler came over to talk to me. I had been trying to get his attention all night, but I wasn't expecting him to actually come over and introduce himself.

As we talked, I couldn't help but notice how charming and confident he was. He had a way of making me feel like I was the only person in the room, and I found myself getting lost in his eyes.

But as we shook hands, I felt a spark of electricity that caught me off guard. It was like my body was reacting to his touch without my permission.

I smiled and tried to play it cool, but inside, I was freaking out. What was going on? And why did I feel like I was in trouble?

Tyler's POV :

I walked over to the guys, grinning from ear to ear. "Dudes, you won't believe what just happened," I said, barely containing my excitement.

Andretti, Anthony, Darius, and Dante all turned to me, curiosity written across their faces. "What's up, man?" Andretti asked.

"I just met the most amazing girl," I said, still feeling the spark from our handshake. "Y/N, her name is. And let me tell you, she's incredible."

The guys all started bombarding me with questions. "What's she like?" Anthony asked.

"Is she hot?" Darius chimed in.

"Did you get her number?" Dante asked, winking.

Andretti just chuckled. "Well, well, well. Looks like Tyler's finally fallen."

I laughed, trying to defend myself. "Hey, guys, I'm just excited, okay? She's really special."

But they wouldn't let up. "Special?" Anthony repeated. "What does that even mean?"

I sighed, feeling a little overwhelmed. "It means she's smart, funny, and beautiful. And we had an amazing connection."

The guys all nodded, still grinning. "We get it, man," Andretti said. "You're whipped."

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help smiling. Maybe I was whipped, but it felt amazing.

Y/N’s POV :

I rushed over to the girls, barely containing my excitement. "Oh my gosh, you guys, I just met the most amazing guy!" I said, bubbling with enthusiasm.

Julia, Kris, Willow, and Skye all turned to me, eyes wide with curiosity.

"Who is he?" Julia asked.

"What's his name?" Kris chimed in.

"Is he cute?" Willow asked, giggling.

"Did you get his number?" Skye asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Is he funny?" Julia asked.

"Does he have a cute smile?" Kris asked.

"Did you guys dance together?" Willow asked.

"Does he have a good voice?" Skye asked.

I laughed, trying to answer their rapid-fire questions. "His name is Tyler, and yes, he's absolutely adorable! We talked for a bit, and I got his number. He's funny, charming, and has an amazing smile. We didn't dance together, but we had a great conversation!"

The girls all nodded, still grinning. "We're so happy for you, Y/N!" Julia said.

Author’s Note: Hey yall! I know I normally put out parts every other day but I could resist posting a few chapters since today the cold hearted handsome devils birthday. 🥳 I will go back to my normal posting schedule after this and u guys will j get 3 days of posts in a row! Yay for yall. Hope yall r enojting the story so far 💋. Lots of love- Tori

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼 (i want to be in my buck/eddie/shannon times its great)

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨(i love the one two punch of eddies season 5 breakdown combined with the daniel plot *chefs kiss*)

🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷 (oh i am very interested in this after the first snippet you posted i need more thx)

HEY!

Okay let's do this.

60 for 🔼 (YAY that makes me so happy):

---

"Based on what you said.” 

“Jane?” Shannon echoes, taking the drink. 

“Jane,” Buck nods. “Janet is a medieval variant of the name Jane. Same meaning, same cultural origin. But whereas Jane fell out of fashion after the 1940s and is beginning to make a comeback, Janet has been flopping since the 60s.”

Shannon blinks, face still for a moment. 

Shit. Fuck. Buck has definitely overstepped. 

“Jane,” she repeats. A small smile creeps onto her face. “I like Jane.”

Buck exhales, relieved. “Oh, good. I mean, there are other variants. Janette. Jean.”

“No,” Shannon shakes her head. “I like Jane. I’ll mention it to Eddie.”

Whoa.

“Cool,” Buck shrugs, playing it down. “That’s cool.”

Shannon moves to open the Jeep passenger door. “How’d you know any of that anyway?”

Great question. 

“Oh, you know… I go on the occasional research binge when presented with a question,” Buck says. “I get curious.”

“Research binge?” Shannon smiles.

Buck shrugs as he buckles himself into the driver’s seat. 

“I like learning.”

“I think that’s a really good trait,” she replies. 

Buck has to take a big, steadying breath. He feels dangerously close to something for Shannon. Something he is very much not allowed to feel. 

🔼

She tells him about work on the drive back to her place. It seems Shannon is almost in exactly the opposite of Buck’s position. If Buck is being kept away from the work he loves because of his stupid leg, Shannon is stuck in a job she hates, despite the discomfort it currently brings her. Typing endlessly isn’t great for her shoulder. Her boss seems to have little empathy for her pregnancy or her shoulder injury. On top of it all, the administrative work means nothing to her. 

“But I am literally not qualified for anything else,” she explains.

Buck understands that well enough. He gets how hard it is with no education .Before the fire academy, he had no real qualifications. Other than mixology school. Which went a long way in applying to bars, but he still realized he was getting hired largely for his looks. 

“What did you want to do?” Buck asks. “Before?”

There’s no need to specify what before means. Before Chris. 2010 B.C. He has his own before, too. Even though it’s way less serious. Before he left home. 

---

66 for 🚨(more parental drama ahead!):

---

He still has to figure out how and when to do that. He’s already got a sort of sappy speech in mind, though. 

He can only search for engagement rings today because Buck and Chris are at the zoo. Just the two of them. Something that has been happening more and more lately. Not that they didn’t spend one-on-one time before. They always did. Just since Buck and Eddie started dating, the priority has been doing things as a family. And it still is, to a large degree. 

Chris calling Buck his second dad and Eddie asking Buck if he wanted a second kid changed things, just a little. Buck asked for more time, just them two. 

“If he feels that way about me, I-I don’t want him to think I don’t feel the same way, and if we do have another kid, I don’t want him to think he’s like just my stepson, compared to the new baby, so-”

“Oh my god,” Eddie had interrupted. “You do not need to ask. Do what you want to do, he’ll love it.”

So they’re at the zoo. There’s a special exhibit about bugs. It’s not a travesty that Eddie is home googling men’s ring cuts. 

He thinks he’s settled on the kind of style he’s going to go for - if not the actual ring itself - when the doorbell rings. Eddie isn’t expecting anyone. It wouldn’t be Maddie or Chim, because of the baby. Maybe Bobby? Or Hen? Eddie really doesn’t know.

He closes his laptop, finishes a final sip of coffee, and crosses the house to answer the door.

The last person on earth he’s expecting to see is his father. 

Okay, maybe his mother is a smidge less likely. But still. His father is at the bottom of the list of anticipated visitors, right there with Pedro Pascal and Daniel Craig. 

“Dad?” Eddie’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head. “What the hell are you doing here?”

It comes off a bit harsher than intended. Wait, no. Scratch that. It’s exactly the right level of harshness. What the hell is he doing here?

Ramon looks nervous. His eyes are wide and sort of pleading. His hands are wrung together in front of him like an upside down prayer.

“Eddie!” He exclaims, voice shaky. “Hi.”

“What the hell?” Eddie asks again. 

“I was… Can we talk?” Ramon asks a little weakly. 

“Why didn’t you, I don’t know, call me?” Eddie demands. 

“I didn’t think you’d answer.”

Probably true.

“Why didn’t you leave a damn voicemail? Maybe a text?” Eddie tries.

“I didn’t think you’d return the call.”

Eddie’s lip twitches.

“Please, Edmundo. It’s been two years. I just want to talk.”

“Seven,” Eddie corrects. 

“What?” Ramon asks. “No. It was 2019.”

“Oh, I’m aware,” Eddie replies.

---

51 for 🦷 (ah yay glad you're interested!):

---

“I wanted to keep myself occupied,” Eddie says. “So I took extra shifts.”

“Because you were sad,” Christopher says.

Eddie nods.

“Because I made you sad.”

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “I made me sad. And then I went to a lot of therapy, and that made me sort of sad, too.”

Christopher processes this for a second. Eddie makes no move to turn on the truck. They can stay here as long as they need. 

“Isn’t therapy supposed to make you happy?” Chris asks eventually.

Eddie chuckles. “Ideally, yeah. It is. But sometimes it makes you more sad for a bit, first.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Christopher retorts. 

“Uh, it kind of does when you think of it like… Like a broken bone.” Eddie tries.

“A broken bone?” Chris asks. 

“Mhm,” Eddie nods. “Sometimes, you break a bone in a weird way. And in order for it to heal right, the surgeon has to break it again, so they can put it back in the right position.”

“Ew,” Chris wrinkles his nose.

“Yeah,” Eddie admits. 

“Or like having someone cut into my gums to make my mouth eventually feel better?” Chris asks.

“Exactly. Yeah.”

“Okay,” Chris says. He’s quiet again for a while. Eddie still doesn’t turn on the truck. Then… “What bone did you have to rebreak, or whatever?”

Yeah.

Yeah, they were always going to get here sooner or later. Eddie kind of hoped later. Post-surgery. While Buck wasn’t at work and could come by to resuscitate him if he keeled over. 

“A lot of things, really,” Eddie admits. “I think I had a lot of bones heal wrong.”

“That’s kind of sad.”

“Yeah.”

It is kind of sad. Eddie is learning to be sad for himself these days. Not just with himself. 

“Can you tell me one?” Chris asks. 

[averseunhinged]

i mostly wrote smutty literature this week and wasn't going to do an in public wip curse thwartation, but then! look!! this other thing decided to finally start working today!!! yay!!!!

Elijah tried his mimosa and hummed in pleasure at the freshly squeezed juice and extra brut champagne. Not his preferred brand, but Billecart was standard enough fare in dining establishments of a certain quality. He nodded at the server. "For the table, if you would."

“Could I have a sparkling water, too; San Pellegrino, if possible?” the girl requested of the server. Smiling, sunny and pretty, she fanned herself with graceful, genteel drama. “I'm from Virginia, but this heat!”

The young man relaxed from his stiff, practiced courtesy and returned her smile. She laughed with him, sweet and demure, with just a touch of flirtation, but watched him with distant, critical eyes as he walked away. She picked up the menu and studied it. "How are we on ears right now?"

Elijah took a moment to confirm what he already knew. "Clear."

"You sure? Wouldn't want anyone to hear this part."

"Indubitably."

"Great." She placed her menu back on the table. "If you want to order the Eggs Royale, I'll get the lemon ricotta stuffed French toast with strawberries, and we can split them."

“And why would we do that?”

"Because," she said with an embellished roll of her eyes. She tilted her blonde head, letting the perfectly curled end of her ponytail fall artfully over her shoulder. "You like a little something sweet with breakfast, but you won’t order it for yourself." And then, as though she knew his patience was waning, she nodded. “I wasn't expecting to run into you in Memphis of all places. And yeah, I thought about trying to contact you, but the only thing I could remember is that it was through Craigslist, and posting a hey, Elijah Mikaelson missed connections ad sounds like a foolproof way to commit suicide.”

He sipped his drink and kept his fingers on the stem even after he'd set it down, running his thumb in small circles on the smooth, cool glass. “Accosting a stranger in a cafe seemed more appropriate?”

“I don't know about appropriate, but I think you'll at least give me some of your time before eating me. Besides,” she said, a sly, strange smile twisting her mouth up and producing one charming dimple, “you’re not a stranger to me. Granted, I'm still annoyed by how badly you screwed up, vis-à-vis our last conversation, but that's on me. Never let a Mikaelson do a Forbes’ job. Believe me, I've learned my lesson.”

Forbes. He knew the name. A hunter, likely, as they’d been for centuries. It wasn't beyond them to train their children in all manner of stalking prey. She seemed to know of him well enough to fabricate this odd meeting. He didn't imagine her passing resemblance to Rebekah was a coincidence.

"I know what you're thinking. I'm not a threat, Elijah. I'm trying to save your family, not end it." She held his gaze, steady where many older and more powerful would have faltered. "You can't kill Klaus."

He certainly could kill her. He could kill her and everyone in this restaurant, and then go about his business. "You are very well informed, Miss Forbes."

"Oh, come on, Elijah. We're old friends. Call me Caroline." She reached across the table and touched the embossed leather portfolio in front of him. "In this is everything you need to know from the overnight. Politics, real estate, stockmarket, you name it, it's in there. Is Bethany with you yet? She likes to give you book suggestions, because you have similar taste. Seriously, what is with the weird Russians?"

"I enjoy their frequent use of surrealism and--"

"Their bleak, honest depiction of the effects of war. I know."

"Witches" he murmured and thought. Had someone stolen his memories of her? She was beautiful, but so very young. Not more than eighteen, but likely even younger than that. She still had the flushed curve of baby fat in her cheeks. For how long could he have known her? It seemed unlikely he’d have taken her to bed. "How do I know you, Caroline?"

"You’re right about one thing. It was definitely witches."

Elijah's chuckle was humorless. "Isn't it always?"

"From them, all of us were born. There would be no werewolves without witches. No vampires. No immortal beings trapped in stasis. No Other Side. No Five. None of us would exist and none of us would be in such danger." Caroline leaned forward and showed him her desperation. She'd been the picture of calm confidence up until that point. A woman sure of her place, her mission. It was hard to see that in the girl before him with her modestly cut white sundress and baby pink cardigan. Her parted peach lips and glassy, Mediterranean eyes beseeching. "My daughters were witches. I loved them more than I thought I was capable, but I'll do anything to see they're never born."

Elijah rocked back in his seat. He stared at the girl. Around the cafe. Out the window, up and down the street. Stretched his senses as far as they could unravel and sensed no other presences close enough to listen in. "What you're suggesting cannot be done. I'm certain of that. It is impossible."

"Is it? Or had no one ever been desperate enough, with a need great enough for every last remaining witch with even a drop of power to agree, even if it meant their own obliteration?" She sat back in her seat, taking her drink with her. The champagne glass trembled in her unsteady fingers as she took a long drink to bolter herself. She looked down into it, taking a moment for courage, and when her eyes met his again, he could see the titanium determination in them. "It's the beginning of the apocalypse, Elijah. All hands on deck."

[verdemoun]

did the gang find out about macsummers in modern or canon times?

i have given up on answering asks in order i answer asks in order of the giggles they give me

the girlies of the gang all knew in canon era. karen, mary-beth, jenny, and tilly were all actively shipping them and directly responsible for sean realizing lenny was actually flirting with him. god knows if sean would have ever connected the dots in either era without them (to be fair lenny was flirting in that 19th century 'could be murdered in the street if he was outed' and spending adolescence in reform school did not help sean in learning how to understand subtext and contextual clues)

also please imagine lenny 19th century educated man flirting. thinking he's so smooth laying it on maybe a little too thick teaching sean to read starting with the happy prince, sean mentions it offhandedly to mary-beth who proceeds to choke on her coffee because She Knows

lenny and sean being together was such a core part of the quartet's dynamic that when lenny found jenny in modern era and said 'and sean's here too' jenny let out a sigh of relief because she was not putting up with lenny's lenny-ness on her own before going 'no oops that sounded fucked i'm super sad he died but also yay sean's here'

hosea is just side-eyeing them suspiciously for a few weeks because "HMM they seem awful co-dependent in a way i had not noticed in canon era. maybe it's trauma bonding? maybe they're clinging to their friendship more than they did in canon era to cope with oh god damn us all they're fucking aren't they"

bessie just tilts her head slightly in confusion "darling i know you were slightly distracted at the time but did you not see the way they embraced when they saw each other? i am almost certain this is not a new occurrence"

also shoutout to bessie who despite being a 50+ year old history lecturer who no one would expect to be in the know she very politely sat the boys (and her husband) down powerpoint presentation style to explain modern era queer lexicon like for the love of all that is holy please do not use the terms sodomite or pederast they have CHANGED MEANING (the term homosexuality wasn't considered popularized in america until 1906 like she would have had to explain... so much)

arthur was very confused because look he's a little behind the 8 ball at times and just assumed karen and sean + lenny and jenny would become things, moreso than actually taking issue with anyone's sexuality. they obviously all suffer from heteronormativity

and of course how much identities and terminology changed from 1999 to 2011 (when most of the gang got there) lenny spent a good two years unironically identifying as moronsexual

sean's dyslexic ass having to learn the acronyms he thought BLTs were gay sandwiches for weeks pray for him (he still calls them gay sandwiches in private and they are a staple of the macsummers household)

it took so long to get used to gay meaning queer instead of happy. still slip up and say they're feeling gay when someone asks how they're going then backpedaling wait no well yes but you didn't need to know that i Was in a great mood

most of the gang didn't really react - they ALL knew about hosea and dutch 'reading' in canon era so if it was going to be an issue it would have come up then. just 'oh cool good for you guys what the hell is with miniature moving picture box in the house are we rich'

bill was the only one who even questioned it? looking at all these same-sex couples discreetly wondering aloud if in the future it was the norm ('without' a hint of optimism in his voice) because i, the author, accidentally made them all very not cishet

maeve at the tender age of 4 looked this bear of a man in the eyes and called him a faggot (she picked it up from the gang using it affectionately)

bill had no idea what that meant but he did know it was something at his expense

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 1 of 21 Questions

*lily pov* looks better on wattpad btw

Lily was actually surprised to see that the last stranger she texted had answered so quickly – she was assuming that it was either someone living in the US or just someone with a really messed up schedule.

*********

Heyy stranger, wanna play 21 questions? :)

Hello there :) I don’t have anything else to do rn so sure, let's play

A smile appeared on Lily’s face as she was happy that someone had finally replied to her after so many failures. However, doubt was clearly felt as a part of her really wanted to start chatting with the person on the other side of the screen and the other part was planning to sleep. Fuck it, she thought. She was starting work a bit later than usual as it was Wednesday tomorrow so she quickly opened the text and started typing back.

**********

Omgg finally someone answered😭 

I’m so happy rn

Anyways

My 1st question is a very important one

What’s your favourite season?

Oh that’s an easy one

Fall for sure

Kind of a bummer spring has barely started

The vibe has been passed

Really?

Yeah absolutely

Fall is my favourite as well like just not too hot, not too cold

Just the atmosphere in like october/november is so cool

I totally get what you mean, my brother LOVES fall

He’s a huge halloween/pumpkin fan

Oooh sharing personal info with a stranger

Your mom didn’t teach you well haha

???

You’re the one texting strangers in the evening

I’m only joking dw

I’m sure your mom is great

She’s the best actually

Follow up question as we came on the family topic

Do you have any siblings?

I’m an only child unfortunately :((

But my best friend has been in my life for like 8 years

So she’s the sister i’ve never had ig

That’s so cool when friends end up feeling like they’re family

Such an awesome bond

Exactly, best feeling in the world

I wouldn't trade her for anything else

(maybe a 1d reunion but i can’t go without her tbh)

Ig you have siblings as well?

More than the halloween fan brother?

I have 3

Quite a big family but they’re amazing

Wow that’s a lot of guys in the same house

Wait idek your gender

If that’s ok to ask

Is that your 2nd question? 🤨  But ofc it’s ok, no problem I am a guy, you guessed right

Yay i’m so good at this

Just my instincts of like ‘i do not want to think ab you being a poor girl alone w 3 brothers’ lol

And i am a girl btw

If you were gonna ask

I was yes, you saved me from writing another text

As if writing to me is annoying

I’m a pleasure to talk to

According to my teachers 10 years ago

10 years ago?

I hope you’re not some like 35yo woman who finished school that long ago

I mean you did say ‘girl’ so i would say you’re maybe a teenager?

I’ll take that as YOUR 2nd question

I’m not a teenager anymore unfortunately

Fucking adulthood has started recently

I’m 19 but 20 soon

Same

Just people with the mind of teenagers having to act like adults so suddenly

Took the words out of my mouth

It was to be expected but like so unexpected at the same time bc you never know time is passing that quickly

Yeah… let's just go back on more light-hearted topics

Too soon for deep ones like life, time and growing up

100% agree

We're getting to know each other

Since you're an adult, do you have like any piercings or tattoos??

Hmm i have my ears pierced and one arm tattooed

That is sooo cool like patchwork or a themed full sleeve?

Kind of both bc they're related to the same thing i would say

Which is my family

But the styles can be a bit different

You have any?

Tattoos no, unfortunately😔

I want one so bad but it's hard getting prepared to have it permanently on your skin

Bc like i have several piercings

8 on my ears as well as a nose ring

But i can remove them whenever i want and bam they're gone in a few weeks

Piercings are actually so cool

And you match with my brother btw (the halloween one)

He has a nose ring too plus a stud

Omggg

I feel like this brother of yours is gonna be my favourite

He’s great, you could like him and he probably would like you too

Real question is do YOU like me?

Technically it’s my turn to ask a question but the one i have will decide my answer to yours

‘Technically’☝���🤓

Sorry go ahead

Are you a dog or cat person?

This is very important so reply carefully

Oh

I feel like you’re not gonna like what i have to say

Bc seeing as you put dog first

I’m going to say that you’re a dog person

Which i’m not…

Well

It was a pleasure talking to you

Farewell stranger

Wait what

Bro

read

Wtf

read

I’m not apologising tbh

Bc i love my cat with my whole heart

He’s the best

I hope you were joking bc our convo was fun

Delivered

Anyways, bye then-

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story ;)

<3

The story is co written w @/little_grapejuice on wattpad

[axton-celestia]

Kaeya- A Certain Jealousy

Notes: Kaeya x Female Reader

Warnings: Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Smut, Language, Creampie, Initial Non-Consensual Sex, Temperature Play, Nipple Play

-All in-game lines credited to Hoyoverse.

After returning to Mondstadt from a rather “eventful” night and morning at the Dawn Winery Manor, you find yourself meeting Amber for lunch…

Upon returning to Mondstadt you met with Paimon and Amber for lunch at the Good Hunter, bringing the much promised grape juice from the night before. You all joked and laughed, enjoying the bright sunny weather and traditional cool Mondstadt breeze. When you all were fed and stuffed, Amber leaned back in her chair and glanced toward the Knights of Favonius Headquarters in the distance. “Oh, [Y/N]! I forgot to tell you. Captain Kaeya mentioned he needed some extra assistance today at the morning meeting. I figured you might be a good fit!” You downed the rest of your refreshing fruity beverage and placed the glass on the table. “Oh, really? Did he mention what he needed help with?” Amber shook her head. “He wasn’t very specific, but probably has something to do with the stables. I know he’s a bit short on hands this week with the main stable hand being sick.” “Oh~! [Y/N]! Playing with the horses sounds like fun! Paimon wants to go!” Paimon exclaimed with an excited twirl and clap. Amber laughed. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself, Paimon. Horses are a lot of work and require a lot of understanding,” Amber mentioned. Paimon tittered. “Hehe~! Paimon still thinks it’ll be fun and a great learning experience for [Y/N].” “That I can agree with,” laughed Amber. “Very well, let’s head out and meet Kaeya then,” you giggled. “Yay~!” Clapped Paimon.

**********

You knocked on the wooden door to the Cavalry Captain’s office back in the Favonius Headquarters. “Come in,” came a distinctive voice. You turned the handle and entered the large office, meeting Kaeya’s starry eye across the room. Another knight stood near his desk, a stack of papers in hand. “Ah, [Y/N] and Paimon. I didn’t expect to see you two today. I heard you had gone scouting with Amber.” You shook your head. “We actually just returned from lunch with her. She mentioned that you needed assistance with the stables. We came to assist.” “Mmmmmm…” Kaeya let his gaze wash over you. There was something odd about it. Something off about his demeanor. He didn’t wear his normal smug smile and the teasing light was nowhere to be found in his good eye. “Paimon is ready to get started! Just tell Paimon where to go!”

Kaeya rose from his desk and turned his gaze slowly toward the other knight. “Lizzie, would you be so kind as to take Paimon to the stables and start showing her around. You can even get started on work with her.” “Yes, sir!” She responded with the knight’s traditional salute. “What about [Y/N]?” Paimon asked. “Ah. Yes. I have some… Private matters I need to discuss with her first,” he said, his tone quite off. You glanced at him, an unease building within you. He didn’t meet your gaze. “Okayyyyyy~! I’ll see you later then [Y/N]!” Paimon bided happily, giving a cheerful wave.

When the door shut, the tension only mounted. Kaeya walked around his desk to you. He met your eyes and grabbed you under your chin, forcing you to look up at him. “So. Tell me my darling Star-fall. How did you enjoy my brother last night?” Your eyes widened in complete shock, jaw dropping. “B-B-Brother!?” You exclaimed. You tried to retreat, but backed up into the Captain’s desk. “Oh? You didn’t know?” Kaeya smirked, approaching you again, pressing his body against yours. “Dear Master Diluc and I grew up together after his father adopted me when I was just a young boy.” Kaeya grabbed you under the chin again and put his thumb against your bottom lip. You searched his eye, but it was cold. “H-How did you even know about last night!?” You demanded, brushing his hand away. “Just because I don’t live at the manor doesn’t mean it isn’t my home or family. I went there this morning to have breakfast with Adelinde.” “The maid?” You asked. “Yes, she’s been there for years and is like an older sister to me. Little did I know that you had spent the night and were fucking my brother just above where I was trying to enjoy some breakfast. Loudly, I might add. Made for a rather… unforgettable experience.”

Kaeya’s eyes were hardened. He grabbed you and turned you around. He wrapped his arms around your stomach and pulled you close. You tensed up wondering what he was going to do. You weren’t scared of him in any sense, but you could see the anger in his eye. You then felt his shoulders slump. He buried his face against your neck, his breath cool on your skin. “Don’t you know I stopped fucking other women because of you? Don’t you know I stopped fucking Rosaria because of you?” He whispered against your skin. Your eyes widened and you gripped his muscular arms. “Don’t you know I haven’t even looked at another woman since our first night together? Don’t you realize how I feel about you?” He asked quietly. His voice was far from angry. It was… sad.

“Kaeya,” you breathed. He gripped you tighter. “You can’t just say my name like that after screaming Diluc’s a few hours ago,” he snarled. Kaeya released you and pushed you down on his desk. The cold wood caught you by surprise as it hit your half-bared skin. You gasped. Kaeya tugged at your shorts and tore them off, bringing them to your knees. “Kaeya! W-What are you doing!?” He responded by grabbing the plush of your ass and squeezing it between his cold hands. He kneeled down and spat directly onto your heat. “Kaeya!” You tried to get up, but he held you down. You could hear him spit on his own cock as he pumped it. He leaned over on your rather bare back. “Don’t you know you’re mine?” He whispered. With the last word, he pushed himself into your body. You cried out as your walls were quickly forced to adjust to him. He grabbed your ponytail and pulled back on it, arching your back. “Kaeya!” You cried. He nipped at your ear. The Cavalry Captain pounded himself into you relentlessly. You had expected pain, but he knew better than that. In addition you had expected to be sore from so much with Diluc, but instead you cried out in unexpected pleasure instead.

Kaeya stood up straight and gripped the thick of your hips, still pounding himself into you. You lay across his formerly well-organized desk. You put your forehead against the cool wood, rocking back and forth with Kaeya’s movements savoring the feeling of his cock dragging along your plush walls. A sharp sensation to your backside brought you back to reality, your head whipping back. He smacked your ass again. “Kaeya~…” You moaned to him as the mixed pain and pleasure rippled through you.

The Captain pulled himself out of you and then grabbed you once again. He flipped you over and pushed you further up on the desk. Books, papers, quills, and even an inkwell crashed to the ground on the opposite side. He didn’t pay it any mind. Instead, he snatched your legs and hoisted them over his shoulders, pushing himself back into you at the same time. You moaned as he stuffed you full once more. “Lock your ankles,” he ordered. You did exactly as he told you to and locked them tightly behind his head, pulling at his neatly braided bun. He then seized both your wrists and locked them over your head.

Kaeya then did the unexpected. He changed tactics and started to roll his hips into you at a steady pace. With every thrust, he hit your sweet spot and stimulated your clit. His hanging balls smacked against your exposed asshole, brushing it ever so slightly. Your brow wrinkled and you mewled in absolute delight at the new sensation. After so much practice with this man, he knew how to hit you exactly right every time. He delighted in your whimpers, watching you with an open mouth, giving you small moans in return. He leaned down, his blue bangs brushing your forehead. He gazed into your [E/C] eyes as he continued to roll his hips. “Don’t you know I’ve fallen in love with you?” He whispered, his tone soft and vulnerable. Surprise crossed your face. You knew he had some sort of feelings for you, as you’d both expressed that to one another on multiple occasions while having sex, or just casually flirting, but you hadn’t realized they ran that deeply. “Kaeya, I—“ He cut you off, pressing his lips to yours. He kissed you over and over, almost desperately as if he wasn’t ready to hear your answer.

The Cavalry Captain’s grip on you became lax and you were able to wriggle your wrists from his iron grip. You quickly unlocked your ankles and slid your legs down his arms. Kaeya pulled back from your lips and let you readjust so your legs hooked around his hips instead. You could feel his cock twitching inside of you. You pushed yourself up on elbows. Kaeya hurriedly leaned back over you and locked lips with you once more, caging you in with his muscular arms. His cock began to piston in and out of you once more, dragging across your spongy interior. You threw your arms around his neck and pulled him close, opening your mouth to let his greedy tongue enter. Kaeya breathed his icy breath into your mouth, the cool sensation tingling. He pushed himself back to standing, your arms still locked around his neck. He placed his cold hands on your bare back. You yelped, pulling back from his lips. “What’s wrong? Can’t handle the cold?” He smirked. He caressed the smooth muscles along your back. His fingertips felt as though frost was forming across them.

He rocked his hips into you with a quick and short pace, our close proximity stimulating your clit, the heat within you quickly rising. He let his icy hands wander up and down your half-clothed body, touching every piece of bare skin he could reach. You leaned your head back for him. He smirked with his traditional crooked smile and he dipped his head so that his lips could meet your neck. He blew frost on your sensitive skin. The sensation, in addition to the pulsing off his cock in your heat, was intensely arousing. You moaned, arching your back into him. Kaeya brought his hands around to your front and pulled your corset down. Your breasts bounced out to greet him, your nipples hard as ice. He grinned at you before placing his cold thumbs over them. “Kaeya!~” You moaned loudly, your walls clenching around him. He groaned loudly. “Do that again Star-fall and I’ll cum.”

You snickered and kissed him, intertwining your tongue with his. Kaeya drew circles around your breasts. Just as your nipples began to defrost, he pressed his ice cold thumbs to them again. You jumped at the sensation, walls tightening sharply around his cock. Kaeya’s body buckled and shook as he released hot ropes of cum into your body. He gasped, grasping the desk for support and he rode out his unexpected high. You held onto him tightly, creating tiny movements with your hips to force friction to your clit. You were almost there. It was just out of reach. Just as Kaeya began to calm down, your walls clamped down around him once more as you hit your own high. He fell to his elbows on the desk. “[Y/N]!~” he groaned loudly. Pleasure ripped through your body as all your muscles flexed. “Kaeya…” You moaned, your grip on him loosening. As your body calmed, you let your legs drop from his hips and your hands slide to his arms. Kaeya, shakily, managed to stand back up and slipped his cock from your oozing core.

You grabbed him by the chin. His starry eye met yours with surprise. “Tell me exactly how you feel and what you want from me,” you told him flatly. His eye softened and he cupped your face gently. “I want this. All of this. With you. All the time. I want you. As my girlfriend. Maybe as my wife one day. I don’t know what sort of sorcery you brought with you when you fell out of the sky into Teyvat, but whatever it is… I think I’m in love with you, [Y/N],” he said. Your heart fluttered. You bit your lip and smiled. You pulled him closer, your heart beating harder, butterflies in your stomach. “I think I’m falling in love with you too, Kaeya Alberich.” You drew him in for a kiss. There was no burning passion, no intense desire. It was pure and gentle.

[vinxwatches]

wyrd sisters

Terry Pratchett, i love his stuff in concept, but i tried to read small gods and boy was that not a good one for me to start with, plan on retrying with guards. but hey, lets see if i can enjoy an adaptation. especially witchy stuff sounds very good to me.

my source since it's on youtube for once at a good quality: https://youtu.be/Qvl-ni6ezUU

i love the weird mix: king gets murdered, witches cackling under the thunderstorm. "is tuesday good for meeting with you?" "nay i'm babysitting then, can we witch together again on friday instead?"

ok yea death is the best character ever.

ok, death has competition for best character ever.

"oh, what king is that?" "he rules these lands." "oh, that king." both hilarious and gives a strong indication of power.

"i'm X king of Y" "nice too meet you, likewise". meetings between ghosts are fun.

oh this is the mc beth but very different.

very strange transitions. probably a combo of origionally being on vhs and different times.

"things that try to look like things often look more like things then things" this should not be comprehensible, yet it is. well done?

bit too much of second hand embarrassment for me, hope it's not too much of that more.

got to love a sexually liberated witch. both in media and irl.

three gifts just like the godmothers of old, and neat gifts they are without being too cliché: make friends easily, have a good memory and be whoever he thinks he is.

"assassination is dying of natural courses for a king"... not untrue... also makes some interesting implications for the future of people in power.

the power of rumours and the knowledge of literal fools. really neat to have that included in a story with magic.

yea you could use fancy magic items and exotic spices, but for the less lavish wish some detergent and a washboard'll do fine. and my gods the interaction between "vile demon" and "evil" witches is just beautiful.

officially approved jokes only!

56.16 excuse me the cat is a what?! you could get away with that? the only way they can get away with saying that on youtube is due to the thick accent meaning the bot can't detect it (yet).

"sharp bread knife is a womans best friend" this thing is just filled with great advice (:

watch out for old witches, they'll fucking stab you with no second though.

uhm... this is very... rape-y... jesus fuck older cartoons, and i don't even think it's that old.

"the dead shouldn't kill the living, would set a bad president, you'd outnumber us for one thing"... not inaccurate... yet not the direction i expect this to take.

somehow this old cartoon can also do a pretty good romance

"currently i'm haunting her apron" "well you're not the first one that's for sure." this is "how the fuck did they get away with that" that i love.

oh, someone just ran out of patience (man do i know that feeling atm, getting teeth removed and losing family puts a drain on mental reserves) and she has the power to back it up. someone just made an enemy they can not afford.

important rule: "if you break rules break them good and hard."

"i wasn't there with you" "it was i who didn't hand you the dagger" great lines. also very interesting that they bring up the mailability of the memory of the past, a way the villain can win even if they lose. it's... well it's a rather big thing to try and tackle.

the logic behind this magic is really solid and really cool. remind the rock about when it was soft, fly around the place that you wish to move though time carrying the required magic. it's clearly supernatural bullshit, but there's logic to it, the best type of magic.

"in a swamp the alligators don't pick your pockets" man some word smiths truly made this great. you decided to make enemy of an ape? man truly you lack sense.

i'm only a thief, i can't steal that much, got to be in the league of lawyers for that... ok?

the witches are great at directing things, but man are they bad at acting. two witches decline everything, the third'll take anything. gods i love her.

yay death returns.

"break a leg" "break your own leg" have i said the writing is great yet?

foreshadowing if you've seen enough media, yet man does it say a lot about the "murderer"/murderer.

throw a spear at a witch. what amazing magic will she use to not die? she'll catch it. duh. (:

you made an enemy worse then witches.

you don't invite a witch, they just turn up. my mum has a friend like that. not a witch (at least publicly) but definitely has the attitude (and a bit of a cackle), lovely woman as you'd expect.

the story is... passable. it's the moments that make it great. for me that's the wrong way round as i adore a strong trueline and character arcs, but my sibling would probably love it. not saying i didn't enjoy it, i clearly did. just not in the all time greats.

[antihero6912]

Resolution Look Back for 2023

Here's what I was hoping for, and here's what we made out of it:

- above all: health. For me, my mom, my family, my friends. I hope each and every single one of us is staying healthy. Praying for my mom to finally stop drinking and being the healthiest version of herself that she can be, so we can have the best year with lots of travel and amazing experiences :) 

Everyone stayed healthy overall, mom unfortunately did not stop drinking. She had a surgery in march which was scary but pulled out great and things looked good but unfortunately about four weeks later started falling in to the same pattern again. Nonetheless, she looks happy and healthy and that is what makes me happy.

- plan the for me most perfect wedding and try not to do what other people expect or want me to do

We had the BEST two wedding celebrations and I could not have planned it any better.

- get married in the summer and have a party in our backyard with our closest friends.

Did exactly that and loved it. We danced and sang in our backyard and finally had everyone over. It was a grand old time :)

- get married in September in the church that I grew up with and have the most amazing day afterwards. I hope we will remember it forever for all the amazing reasons and that everybody has the best time. Let’s also hope for only a little bit of stress for everyone involved lol.

Did exactly that as well. Barely any stress due to us being super chill about it.

- Lots of money haha! But really though, let’s hope for people to be nice with giving gifts so I don’t stress as much with how the heck I am going to afford all the jazz

Dude, yes. First party was free and we even made more money for going out to eat on the first honeymoon. Second party ended up being way cheaper than we anticipated. Took off a lot of stress FOR SURE.

- Honeymooooooooooon: good weather, good food, lots of alcohol, lots of what married people do and just the greatest time with just my then hubby and I

Oh my gosh. Most perfect honeymoon in my book. The maldives were just as amazing as I hoped, we had so much fun and such good weather, jumped on the trampoline in the middle of the indian ocean and saw dolphins. I can't wait to go back one day.

- Play Tennis in a team and have the best time

Played lots of tennis, no team just yet but still improved my skills and loved it even more.

- Do lots of Sports

Fell in love with beach volleyball this year and started really getting in to it, even played in a tournament and it was amazing.

- Have the best time with my entire family on the AIDA in April. I can’t wait for all of us to travel together and see the warmth areas of europe :) 

Yes. SO. MUCH. FUN. We are planning a trip for 2024 as well because everyone loved it so much.

- stop taking birth control. like for real.

Getting there lol

- celebrate my 30th birthday

Boy did I. Spend it in the maldives and booked a dolphin cruise, which was freaking cool and humbling. I loved every second of it. I don't know how any future birthday is gonna make it close to this one lol

- ask for a raise towards the end of the year

Did and it good approved, yay!

- go on 10 business trips and see the most of Germany

Did! Did not get to see a lot of Germany as businnes trips started to feel like work and a burden, so just went there in the morning and back home at night.

[erscogadatabase]

8: The Overly Long, Frequently Interrupted Chapter (Part 3)

Date: 1-2017 - 2-1-2017 IDST, 1-1-2017(?) EST

Nalitie: *blinks as she holds the gift box* What just happened...?

Dukermin: I don't know but I keep hearing Mettaton 's voice in my head

Mettaton: *won't shut up, trying to get Dukermin's attention*

Dukermin: SHUT UP FOR A SECOND AND LET ME THINK

Mettaton: ... *shuts up*

Nalitie: What were we doing...? Oh yeah. *writes a to and from on the gift box* To the Tartines!

Dukermin: Yay to the Tartines *to the place*

Nalitie: *runs into their door headfirst* OW

Vella: *answers the door* Nalitie...?

Dukermin: AnD DUKERMIN

Vella: Oh, hey Dukermin.

Nalitie: WE HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU! *proudly displays crappily wrapped gift box*

Vella: *takes it* Thanks...?

Dukermin: You're welcome! *to naltiie * What next

Nalitie: THE VOltas! We need to give them back the fake lightsaber I was fighting with... It's Shay's... Oh, and they can help with DunkelVision©.

Dukermin: K cool then we can actually explore there.

Nalitie: YAY *running to the Volta's house* *also runs into the door headfirst*

Mettaton: *in Dukermin's head* You should probably check her for a concussion after this, darling...

Dukermin: Yeah...

Hope: Oh, hello again.

Nalitie: *dizzily presents lightsaber, then passes out*

Dukermin: *slaps her awake* We brought this back, and we need help with some other stuff...nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Nalitie: *jumps up* DUNKELVISIONNnnnnn.

Hope: DunkelVision?

Dukermin: We need a thing to see on the place. It's really dark there.

Hope: Have you tried flashlights?

Dukermin: Its still not light enough. We were imagining goggles of some sort...

Nalitie: The planet is literally made of darkness, so there's nothing for light to shine on.

Hope: Well, do you know how the planets' inhabitants see?

Dukermin: I'm not sure, but I think they're made of darkness as well...

Nalitie: We could bring one of them here? Oh, and you know that scientist that helped you with the Riewa shield? She can help too!

Dukermin: Cool, cool... so uh... should we do that now?

Nalitie: Yes. *opens a lunchbox* Shall we?

Dukermin: *lunchbox*

*and then they were on Dunkel*

Nalitie: Now, uh... how do we know where we'regoing? How are we gonna find someone?

Dukermin: Would it be a bad idea if I started hollering? *turns on a flashlight even tho it wont do any good*

Nalitie: Probably no... but knowing our luck we're gonna summon something other than what we want... let's try it though.

Dukermin: *hollering* COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE! WE ARE FRIENDS

Dunkelians: *aren't seen, but can be heard talking in confusion, their voices closer than expected*

Dukermin: *to nalitie* Do these guys speak English? from what I remember no...

Nalitie: Well there was that one person, right...?

Dukermin: Oh yeah *somehwta quieter hollering* Anyone hear good at English? We have a business offer, I guess...

Dunkelian from Earlier: I know a little English.

Dukermin: Hello. We need someone to come with us to a different planet. Its for science.

Dunkelian: ... different... planet...?

Dukermin: Its fine. It's totally safe. And its pretty awesome. Would you be willing to come? Meet some new people?

Dunkelian: I cannot leave my... child? Is that the word?

Nalitie: Yep.

Dukermin: Do you know of someone who would be willing to come? Or you could bring your child with...?

Dunkelian: *hesitating and thinking* ... I will come with my child.

Dukermin: It'll be a great experience! Your child will love it probably!

Dunkelian: *grabbing Dukermin's hand so she knows where they are*

Dukermin: Oh hey... *time to lunchbox*

*And so they went back to Aeuton, where Hope (and Alphys) are waiting*

Dunkelian: *looks vaguely like a silhouette of Magnolia* *confused and squinting in the light*

Dunkelian Child/Baby: *looks like Tobias/Tasha from the fake Overmother VR crap*

Dukermin: *senses a plot twist on the horizon*

Nalitie: Alright then. May I ask your names?

Dunkelian: I am Ominglai. My child is named Stobia.

Dukermin: Nice to meet yall. *introduces Hope and Alphys*

Alphys: H-hello! We-we're going to, um, study your eyes, i-if that's alright.

Ominglai: *nods as permission*

Alphys: Great! *leads them into Hope's house*

Nalitie: What should we do in the meantime?

Dukermin: Anything else on our to-do list?

Nalitie: *pulls out their horribly long to-do list*

Mettaton: *in Dukermin's head obviously* I do still need a body...

Dukermin: Yeah and I need you out of my head.

Nalitie: Who are you talking to...?

Dukermin: Mettaton still needs a body.

Nalitie: We need Alphys for that... but you can talk to him in your head?

Dukermin: Yeah. What else have we got on the to-do list?

Nalitie: Oh yeah *looking* Power cap, big lunchbox portal construction, space jungle, Nervous Heights, Arlene Kirkland, Building your house, and war plans but... not yet. Hey, could I see your guys'sSOUL, too? For science?

Dukermin: Umm sure... Power cap is still far from ready... We could probably set up a construction crew for the portals... But IDK maybe we need our scientist for that?

Nalitie: Nah, the Shellmound people and I were doing okay... *multitasking and trying to summon Dukermin's SOUL*

Dukermin: Well, are the shellmound people working on anything right now? That's the chronological thing to do...

Nalitie: We can go over and ask while we're still here, yeah. *studying Dukermin+Mettaton's SOUL(s?)*

SOUL: *looks like Dukermin's normal SOUL, but with an upside down white part in the center* *there's also a spot of green in the center, with a shadow of multicolor in the very middle *

Dukermin: *wowed at intense SOUL* Um... to Shellmound I guess?

Nalitie: *puts Dukermin's SOUL back* Yeah... You have a lot of SOULs, by the way... *to Shellmound!*

Dukermin: *calling to a group of Shellmound people*

People: Yeah...?

Dukermin: We have a construction job! Who should I talk to about that?

People: *points to... behind by the beach? Where the crane is...*

Dukermin: *heading over there*

Construction Crew: *chilling*

Dukermin: BREAK TIMES OVER We need giant lunchbox portals installed at the poles. Please.

Crew: Oh yeah. Nalitie left, so we took a break. We'll get back to that. *lunchbox themselves back to the one they were working at*

Dukermin: *to the lunchbox they all went through* Umm thanks. Kay... anything else we can get squared away? *idk if thats an appropriate usage of the phjrase but YOU KNOW WHAT*

Nalitie: Your house, um... The space jungle... I've been wanting to check my space station anway.. Um... getting Arlene and Nervous Heights, but I'm kinda tired of going places outside of Erscoga...

Dukermin: Arlene and Nervous Heights would both be in the Miscellaneous dimension... we can do that later. So my house or the space jungle.

Nalitie: Wanna check out my space station? My couch is how we get there and dthat's on Termata, so we'd be there for yuour house after. All we need to do is plant a couple of seeds.

Dukermin: K cool *lunchbox time*

*and so they were at Nalities house*

*and then they probably got on the couch and launched into space*

Dukermin: So we are planting seeds now?

Nalitie: yep! I don't reall know how, but Homeless Henry referred me to someone who sells Space Juungle Seeds... He might be the same guy who we bought our tree from, actually... *second thoughts*

Dukermin: *flashbakcs to the christmas tree* Oh boy... *throwing seeds everywhere, probably reciting that old sunday school story bout the farmer planting seeds*

Nalitie: *also planting* Plants need water, sunlight, and nutrients... We havve LuxLight... U... *throws plant nutrients that she had from feeding Flowey*

Dukermin: now... water... Hmm... How to make it rain in space... Or super intense manual watering...

Nalitie: Can you do anything?

Dukermin: *summons a portal from idk the amazon jungle if thats a thing... A RAINFOREST OF SOME SORT to make it rain*

(A little bit of rain filters through the portal and onto the seeds. They start growing at a rapid pace.)

Dukermin: Whoooooaaah ITS BEAUTIFUL

*AND THEN THERE WAS A space jungle!*

Nalitie: I'm gonna go make sure my space station's systems are stil running, and then we should build you a house.

Dukermin: Yay! *to the space station*

Nalitie: *checking the stuff, and also trying to figure out what's happening with the weird goo on the floor*

Dukermin: *looking at the goo* Is that normal?

Nalitie: No... They appeared a while back, when I was showing the Plutonians around the space station... But like... only the main characters.

Dukermin: *magically produces a test tube and scoops up some* Maybe I'll inquire about it at a later date... Whenever we find ourselves back on Pluto...

Nalitie: Yeah. And when Alphys isn't busy. *sits on the couch* back to Termata?

Dukermin: Yup *couch*

(Back on Termata)

Dukermin: *running off to find the warehouse*

Nalitie: *following*

Dukermin: Okay... So under this crappy warehouse will be a man-made cave system... With an elevator... And also a secret staircase that leads to a secret room (WHERE THERE WILL BE A DRAGON SOMETIME MAYBE)

Nalitie: Alrighty then. *gets out her construction tools* *and also some low-power ground severers for digging*

Dukermin: Yay *time to ground sever!*

Nalitie: *carefully ground severing because nobody is going to come after them angrily if they see what's happening FINALLY*

Dukermin: *starts ground severing in a hurry instinctively but stops self*

(This Construction Montage™ is brought to you by.... McDonalds!)

Dukermin: That's pretty much it!

Nalitie: YAY! *phone buzzes* *looks at it* It's from Alphys. She says that she thinks she and Hope figured it out!

Dukermin: WHAT CONVENIENT TIMING Shall we go back to Aeuton then?

Nalitie: Yep! *already halfway in the lunchbox*

Dukermin: *more lunchbox time*

Hope, Alphys, Stobia and Ominglai: *waiting*

Alphys: *hands them some pairs of goggles when they get there*

Hope: You'll have to test them to make sure they work, and there's only four pairs, but here they are.

Dukermin: Awesome thank you! * sticks goggles on her head*

Nalitie: Yay! *grabbing Ominglai's hand and putting n her DunkelVision Goggles©* *reopens portal for Dunkel (pff)*

Dukermin: *portaling*

*and so they landed on Dunkel, right in the middle of town, with a bunch of Dunkelians who look like shadowy versions of people on the other planets and whose appearances shift a little once in a while sometimes*

Dukermin: *to Nalitie* This is a little weird... I recognize them... but don't...

Nalitie: Yeah... that one looks a little like you *points*

Dukermin: *goes over to meet doppelganger* Hello Wait I need an interpreter. *Calls to Ominglai*

Ominglai: *coming over* Yes?

Dukermin: Would you mind translating for me? I want you to tell my doppelganger that I would like to take a picture with them and ask their name.

Ominglai: Enha ies Dukermin. Uhwa reya polo?

Dukermin's Dunkelian Self: Eh yal Neirmkedu.

Ominglai: She is called Neirmkedu. *to Neirmkedu* Dukermin veumen uin panotag.

Neirmkedu: *nods in an affirmative*

Nalitie: *pulling out her phone*

Dukermin: lets hope this shows up *poses with doppelganger*

Nalitie: *puts her goggles over the camera, hoping it works* *takes the picture* Alright, cool. Either it's gonna be you guys... or Dukermin posing with nothing. *puts her goggles back on*

Dukermin: Either way it'll be a great photo. Thank you Neirmwhatever and Ominglai.

Omingali: *to Neirmkedu* Dukermin epen merna.

Nalitie: Shall we explore? *watching as Ominglai... shifts shape a little into someone who both looks the same and looks a little like Toriel at the same time*

Dukermin: Uh... Alright then. Hey, Ominglai, will you join us? Maybe show us some of the hot tourist attractions?

Ominglai: H...ot tourist attractions...?

Dukermin: Where do the cool kids hang out around here? Any interesting places?

Ominglai: *confused because English is not her native language but understands the last part* You want to know Dunkel?

Dukermin: Very much, yes.

Ominglai: Okay. *starts walking towards the center of the town*

Nalitie: *watching a Dunkelian who looks a little bit like Christine*

Dukermin: *notices* *to nalitie* I wonder if she watches people sleep too. I wonder if Dunkelians sleep?

Nalitie: *shrugs*

Ominglai: This is the town center. *gesturing around*

(You are standing in... well, a town center. There's a fountain and Dunkelians are roaming about.)

Dukermin: *using phone and goggles to snap pictures* *wishes she was wearing a button -down floral shirt*

Nalitie: Hm. Hey, Ominglai? Why does everyone look like people we know?

Ominglai: The Pondecle borrow parts of appearance from creatures on other planets and mix it with their appearance.

Dukermin: Pondecle, huh? Do you know if there are any living things on Dunkel other than the Pondecle?

Ominglai: Yes. They live in the... wilderness.

Dukermin: Ooh. Interesting. So... anything else we should know about Dunkel?

Ominglai: Do not go into wilderness without a weapon. You will die.

Dukermin: WOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN! I really want to go there. And we've definitely got weapons *BC NECKLACE*

Mettaton: *still in Dukermin's head* Are you sure that's wise, darling?

Dukermin: I DON'T KNOW But it's interesting.

Nalitie: Mettaton again?

Ominglai: *thinking Dukermin is insane*

Dukermin: *Doesn't know of a way to explain SOULs to a non-english speaker so she can think whatever she want so think*

Nalitie: Dukermin is two people. Someone died, and they went into her.

Ominglai: *confused but whatever* The... what do you call them... beasts? They are not easy to kill.

Dukermin: OOH BEASTS! Beasts are cool. I do need an excuse to use my necklace.

Nalitie: But what if they don't die physically? Remember those things you fought in the VR? *thinking back to the very first Erscoga doc*

Dukermin: We don't have to go now. We can do more research. And we always figure it out...

Nalitie: True. Anything else we need here? Oh! We should talk to the leaders because... ALLIANCES!

Dukermin: YES I love alliances. Ominglai! Who's in charge here? Is there a mayor or president or king?

Ominglai: You want to meet the leader?

Dukermin: Yes, please.

Ominglai: I will take you to the Cinmpaden. *going in another direction*

Dukermin: Also, is there anything we should know about the Cinmpaden?

Ominglai: ... She will explain much... the Cinmpaden is very nice. Her name is Etommt.

Dukermin: Oh thank goodness. Does she speak English?

Ominglai: A little. I can help.

Dukermin: Awesome. *to nalitie* we need to find a way to repay her after all this.

Nalitie: We do... Hey, Ominglai? What kinds of things do you like? Also, does Dunkel have a currency?

Ominglai: The Pondecle have money, yes. I like warm blankets... and science. That is why I came to your planet. *goes to talk to the guards in front of a big-ish building*

Dukermin: *To nalitie* So we could get her some cool merch from our planets

Nalitie: Yeah, alright. I wonder if Alphys would have anything for her...

Dukermin: Probably. Also, we could get the two of them to hang out some more. They'd probably like each other.

Nalitie: Yeah, that works.

Ominglai: *gesturing* Come. The Cinmpaden will speak with you. *starts walking inside*

Dukermin: Awesome. *follows her in, and probably high fives a guard as she passes*

Nalitie: *following*

Etommt: *standing inside* You are the outside people, correct?

Dukermin: That sounds accurate, yes.

Nalitie: We're Nalitie and Dukermin, and we're the leaders of the dimension that your planet and also Lux are caught in.

Guard: *staring at Nalitie intently*

Etommt: Ah... You do not wish war, do you?

Dukermin: NO! Absolutely the opposite. We would like to be friends.

Etommt: You wish to ally? *appearance shifts a little bit, but she still looks sorta familiar*

Dukermin: Yes. And we would like your support in a, well a war, from an outside source.

Nalitie: A being named SAM wishes to wage war against our dimension, and we need every planet's support.

Etommt: ... Are you allied with... Lux?

Dukermin: Yes we are. Is that a problem?

Etommt: Lux is our sister planet, yes? The light one?

Dukermin: Yes.

Etommt: Then I cannot agree.

Dukermin: Why not?

Etommt: They are not our friend. A few... er... *looking to Ominglai because her English is better* Orbiaton...?

Ominglai: Years.

Etommt: A few years ago, they brought us war, and so we are enemies.

Dukermin: Oh boy. That wasn't while you were in this dimension was it? *time is difficult*

Etommt: I do not know. We do not what world we are in, if nobody comes to us. We move a lot.

Dukermin: Well, there will not be any enemies within our dimension anymore. We're all in this together *hsm ref*. And we ask that you ally with us, because we can uh make sure that nothing bad happens while you are in this dimension of ours.

Etommt: *still frowning?* Does the...

Ominglai: *whispers* queen

Etommt: Does the Queen of lux agree?

Dukermin: They didn't mention you, I don't think, when we discussed the alliance.

Etommt: I will not agree unless she promises not to war on us.

Dukermin: I'm sure we can get her to agree.

Nalitie: We can go ask her right now...

Dukermin: Should I write up a peace treaty or something?

Etommt: A written... treaty... will work, yes.

Dukermin: Okay. We will go talk to the lumoae or whatever .

Nalitie: Yep! We'll be back, and thank you for seeing us.

Ominglai and Etommt: *nod*

Dukermin: See you in a bit *to Lux*

Mettaton: *as they're leaving* Their queen is pretty beautiful, by the way, if I do say so myself... *commenting on the fact that she's basically his Dunkelian self, but a lady instead*

Dukermin: Mhm. *would ship it but it would basically be with himself*

*AND THEN THEY WRE ON LUX*

Nalitie: *hissing at the light and replacing her goggles with sunglasses* THAT WAS NOT A GOOD TRANSITION

Dukermin: *blinking and squinting* Bluh... Okay so *probably starts walking in the wrong direction*

Nalitie: *following because she doesn't know either*

Lumoae Guard: *halts them* Weh oar yao?!?

Dukermin: Um... *doesn't exactly know what was asked but introduces self anyway* I'm Dukermin.

Nalitie: ... English...?

Guard: Ingles... Ah. You are trespassing on the land of Gaval. Why do you intrude?

Dukermin: We were looking for the Lumoae palace. Do you know where it is? Is it around here?

Guard: The Lumoae have many palaces. Which land do you speak of?

Dukermin: Uuuuh... There isn't like a supreme palace or anything? Nalitie?

Guard: There is a Planetary Council, yes, but they do not have a single palace.

Nalitie: Where were we last time... Llllllicvitis...?

Dukermin: Oh that sounds familiar. By Menards.

Guard: Menards? That is the place that appeared in the Wild Lands. Licvitis neighbors those lands. I will show you to their border. *starts walking off in the direction they came from*

Dukermin: Awesome thanks. *following*

Nalitie: *follows too* *to Dukermin* I'm glad this guy knows English... We're going to have to learn a lot of language...

Dukermin: Yeaaaah. Hey Guard guy, what's your name?

Guard: I am Aalok.

Dukermin: Nice to meet you. So, do you know the deal around here? Like, if there's any internal conflict, or external conflict?

Aalok: Our countries are not fighting now, but there are a few who do not like each other. We have not had conflict with an outside force since the War of DunkeLux.

Dukermin: Hmm. Okay. Do you know if there are still ill feelings? Like, obviously everyone's not going to be elated about war, but if there are still a lot of hostile feelings toward Dunkel?

Aalok: There are a few who do not dislike Dunkel. But they are few and far between. Our planets have been adversaries for a very long time now... We are opposites, and it is the way things are.

Dukermin: Well that's a bummer cuz that won't work for us.

Aalok: This is the border. The Capital is straight ahead.

Dukermin: Thanks a lot, Aalok. *heads to capital*

Nalitie: Yeah, thanks! *following*

Aalok: *nods and returns to duty*

(One MTT-Brand Timeskip later...)

Sage: *is patrolling the capital* *sees Dukermin and Nalitie* You are back.

Dukermin: We have PAPERWORK! We're heading to the capital.

Sage: ... You are in the capital.

Dukermin: Palace, is what I meant *pfft*

Sage: Ah, you wish to speak with the Queen again?

Dukermin: Yeah... About Dunkel and alliances

Sage: ... Dunkel... Do you wish me to lead you?

Dukermin: Sure, it would be nice to catch up.

Sage: Of course. *leading them to the palace*

Dukermin: So... how's life been?

Sage: It is good. We have had many births in the previous months, but the Princess has not returned.

Dukermin: Hmm. So what, she's missing?

Sage: She ran away, and the guards have not been able to find her. Her sister continues to send letters, but she has not replied to them...

Dukermin: Do you know why she ran away? There was no chance she was abducted or something?

Sage: *a little bit too quickly* No. I do not know anything about the Princess's motives, but she was not taken from us.

Dukermin: *suspicious* This seems like kind of a big deal...

Sage: *almost coldly...?* It does not matter. The kingdom has Adr--Princess Adrienne.

Dukermin: *quietly to Nalitie* Um yeah, so this Adrienne girl seems like a shifty character. *assuming that adrienne kidnapped her sister so she could be queen and covered it up cuz all is fair in love and POLITICS*

Nalitie: *shrugs*

Sage: *leading them up the steps of the palace and inside silently*

(later, inside with the queen)

Anora: Ah, Dukermin, Nalitie, do you need something?

Dukermin: A little bit yeah. Would you be cool with negotiating a treaty with us? About Dunkel and NOT warring on them?

Anora: We were not planning a war.

Dukermin: Yeah, we figured that much. Dunkel isn't convinced though. We brought PAPERWORK! So if you're alright with it...

Anora: And you are sure they will not attack us?

Dukermin: Dunkel doesn't want war. We'll make them sign a treaty as well. Once we can promise that you won't start a war, they'll ally with us and then we can make sure there is nothing but peace in the dimension *YAY*

Nalitie: We need every planet's support in order to defeat and defend against SAM, and Dunkel won't ally with us unless you make peace with them as well.

Anora: ... I suppose it would not hurt... We are having... issues here in Licvitis, and it would be nice to not worry about Dunkel.

Dukermin: Is it about the princess? *handing her the papers*

Anora: ... It has been a long time since I have seen my daughter... *signs* You will need the Plannetary Council to agree as well.

Dukermin: Yeah. Thanks a lot. And we'll do what we can about the princess. Because allies.

Anora: You needn't worry about that... you are preparing defense against SAM, yes? And I will have the others sign, if you need.

Dukermin: Sometimes we get bored while our scientists are doing stuff, so you never know. And other signatures would be great.

Anora: I will collect them. *sends the treaty off with a person to the Council*

(ANOTHER MTT-BRAND Timeskip later...)

Anora: *hands them the now signed treaty* I have done what I can. If Dunkel does not wish war, then we do not either.

Dukermin: Great! So Dunkel then.

*TO DUNKEL*

(On Dunkel....)

Dukermin: *strapping on goggles* *starts heading off to the Cwhatever*

(Back with Etommt... and Ominglai is there too because REASONS)

Dukermin: Lux agreed not to war. They weren't planning on war anyway. You agree not to war, as well?

Etommt: You have the treaty?

Dukermin: Mhm. *gives it to her* So if you agree not to war, you can sign here.

Etommt: ... Very well. *signs*

Dukermin: Great! So, are we allies now?

Etommt: yes.

Nalitie: *celebrating silently*

Dukermin: Yay! *wishes she had champagne to pour or somehing* So... We've got some other things. Like... We have lunchbox portals if you'd like to travel to other planets...

Nalitie: *grabs a couple and offers them to Etommt* They're really easy to use. You just pick where you want to go and step inside.

Etommt: *takes the portals*

Nalitie: And do we have permission to build on Dunkel maybe? Because we would like to construct bigger portals on all of the planets, right?

Dukermin: And of course we won't build anything without your permission... But yeah, bigger portals...

Etommt: You may. And you wish us to fight agains this SAM, yes?

Dukermin: I mean, it would be great if you would... But if you do not wish to fight, it's nice just to have your support, or maybe you could supply us...

Etommt: We will support you when the time comes. Is there anything else you wish?

Dukermin: Ummm... Not that I can think of... We can explore everything right...? Nalitie...?

Nalitie: I mean, I don't see why not.

Etommt: You may explore as you wish, but respect our temples and places of history, and it will be wise to stray from the wild.

Dukermin: Of course! We're always respectful and NEVER destructive AT ALL!

Nalitie: Yep! Totally safe to be around!

Dukermin: So, yeah! It's been great meeting you!

Etommt: Likewise. *English knowledge has suddenly improved*

Nalitie: *gets a text from the workers on Termata* Oh, hey, they just finished the first of the portals.

Dukermin: Yay!

~•*•~

(Previous)

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[vinter1sol]

In commemoration of me finally getting a new job and actually getting out of retail hell, I've decided to share some of my favourite moments with customers. Yay.

(For reference, I worked in a garden centre/plant nursery)

I was once called up to the register for this pointless question (that I am sure my college at the counter could have also answered ffs):

Lady: *points to her 8 pink hydrangea* How much soil do we need?

Me: *looks at both the lady and her husband, hoping for a clarification* ...?

Lady & Husband: *stares back*

Me: Are you gonna plant them in the ground..? Or in pots?

Lady: In pots.

There are no pots in sight.

Me: Do you already have the pots?

Lady: Yes.

Me: *positively boiling with frustration, but smiling* And how big are they?

Lady: *she makes a vague gesture as to how wide they are* Like this?

Me: And how tall?

Again a vague gesture.

Lady: Oh, and they're already half filled with soil.

I want to strangle you lady, do you know that? Do see that in my eyes? Can you tell that I hold nothing but contempt for you and your hydrangea? That I wish for nothing more but for all your plants to wither and die?

Me: *smiles in customer service*

Lady: So how much soil do you think we'll need?

...

So I apprenticed the same place that I've been working at, and let me tell you about that one time I got scolded by a rail thin and mean old lesbian.

It's a long one, so settle in.

Let me set the scene for you: it's 2020, covid is raging across the country, the state decides to shut everything down except for the essentials...

And we are still open.

...

We're still open.

Me? I was three (3) months into my apprenticeship. It's going as well as you can imagine it going in the middle of a pandemic.

You can probably guess how busy we were, given that most everyone else had been sent home from work and could only spend time outside in their gardens.

Business was booming.

Thing is, even if covid hadn't happened we'd still be understaffed. And I can blatantly admit that I wasn't a great help when it came to answering questions. But I did my best, and I usually told customers that I was an apprentice. If I really couldn't answer their questions I'd find one of my colleges who could.

Anyway, I'm watering as I get approached by the thinnest, most frail-like, snobby older lady I have ever seen in my life, who then asks me if I can help them (her and her wife) with picking a climber.

I tell them that I would not be the best for that and that I would find someone to help them instead.

No problem there, they'd go down to the climbers and wait there.

Cool. Great. I'm off to find someone, anyone, who can help.

Expect everyone is occupied. As in, they had people standing in small groups and ques around them, and when I go in to the register, my boss (the guy who's supposed to be my supervisor) is also occupied.

It's a bust. I most go help the couple as well as I can.

I find them and tell them the following, "I could unfortunately not find anyone else who could help you, so you'll have to settle for me."

Frail looking lady starts asking her questions, which essentially boils down to her wanting to know which of the clematis and honeysuckle will survive best in a "bad" soil.

Me, not knowing shit about it at the time, look at the little cards we've made with information about the individual varieties to try and figure it out.

They all say the same: needs good, regular garden soil.

Well fuck.

Snobby lady: I can read the signs myself, can't you tell me something else?

Well fuck.

Me: I'm sorry, but they all prefer good soil. There isn't one that likes "bad" soil.

Not good enough, therefore wrong answer.

She asks more questions and I eventually tell her that if her soil really is that bad, then it would be a good idea to dig a bigger hole so she could mix in some soil improver/mulch.

No she does not want to do that, she just wants a plant that can live in the soil she already has.

And she most definitely doesn't want my help anymore.

Guess I'll leave then.

I go back to what I was doing before she came - watering. (Because back then our watering system was broken... still kinda is.)

She and her wife pass me by, up towards the main plaza and the greenhouses (where the register is).

I shit you not when I say that not even five minutes pass by, when I can hear her talking and see her speaking to who else but my boss.

Fuck.

My.

Life.

They pass me by, down towards the climbers.

I hear her asking about me, and the last thing I hear as they walk away is my boss telling her that I'm their apprentice and that I've been there for about three months.

I am watering and freaking the fuck out thinking about what it is she could be telling my boss.

I'm thinking about all the ways it could go wrong for me, when I see my boss, who smiles at me as he walks on past, and the lady and her wife go back up. They've got some plants in their basket.

...

What?

Okay, he must've not seen a problem then? Or he's gonna wait until later?

Some time passes by, and by then I'm completely calm and still watering, when I hear that god awful lady again.

I tell her hello, because I am a polite person.

She immediately starts her spiel.

She tells me how I need to tell people that I'm an apprentice and that I haven't been there for that long, and that I don't know anything.

Good day, she says as she leaves.

I am flabbergasted. Completely blindsided. And still watering.

(And no, my boss never did mention it.)

...

I get to hear, "Do you know anything?", and questions followed up by, in the same fucking breath, "But you probably don't know that. Teehee."

I'm gonna force feed you fucking Monkshood if you don't shut the fuck up Karen I did not spend 3 years of my life on this education just for you think I'm nothing more than a little girl hired to tidy up the space

Just ask your question, full stop, don't add a little cheeky follow up. You're being a bitch, and I now don't want to help you.

...

Why do customers think waiting behind you, as you are working, is a good way to get help? It's not, it's fucking obnoxious. You can come up to me, preferably in my line of sight, and say hello like a normal human being thank you.

...

Also, just, this:

Why are you so bad at describing plants? Please just take a picture or bring some of the plant with you. Please, I am begging.

"Don't you know it? Everyone knows it." Apparently not this bitch, but maybe I would if you weren't so shit at describing it.

Which, I feel like, also leads into the ever famous plant every customer asks about, the ever so evasive plant-that-flowers-always-and-is-evergreen-and-can-stand-full-shade-no-sunlight- and-doesn't-need-any-care-at-all-don't-you-have-that?

Plastic flowers, NEXT!

...

You know how sometimes you just wish customers would google it themselves? Because it really is just that easy and would save us so much time?

Well how about they do that whilst you're talking to them! Fact checking everything you tell them, and not even listening to you! Doesn't that sound fun?

I hate you.

I actively hate you.

(They didn't even find the correct information. Ha.)

...

This only works in my language, but we have a word that means both bad/poorly, as in something is badly/poorly done, and dirt.

So you have a bunch of old men, who think they are the funniest fucking person on the planet, come up to you every time you sweep and say, "Well, you're sweeping poorly (i.e. dirt)."

...

Another thing customers love to say, "Oh? It doesn't have a price on it, then that must means it's free!" Que laugh.

Once told a customer that he didn't have a tag on either, did that mean he was free?

He got real quiet after that.

His friend laughed though.

...

People who ask, first thing, for a discount need to pay extra.

I don't care, that's the rule now.

...

"Where are you hiding the herbs?"

Have you looked right in front of ya? There's even a sign.

"That's not where they were last year."

No, but we needed to give you something to ask about so.

"Why don't you have this anymore?"

Because it's sold out.

"Why?"

Because you keep buying it.

...

...

...

Well... that was cathartic

There's probably so many more that I'm forgetting right now, but eh, if I remember any good ones I might add them though

(If I sound bitter... no I don't)

[bubblegumbi0tch]

The Workout

Trainer iwa x reader

Why do you continue to do this to yourself?" Your best friend asked from beside you.

"What do you mean? I'm going to the gym." You said, laughing as she pulled up to your gym.

"Yeah exactly, we could be getting ready to go out right now, you know?" She said, giving you puppy dog eyes.

"You mean we could be getting all dressed up to go out with your boyfriend while I'll awkwardly be the third wheel?" You corrected, opening the car door.

"You make a fair point." She laughed. "Besides, I think I know why you come here now." She said, looking out her windscreen.

"And why is that?" You said, hopping out of the car but bending down so you could still talk to her.

"Him." She stated, pointing at the man in the doorway of the gym.

"Oh yeah, that's my trainer, Iwaizumi." You winked at her before shutting the door and walking over to him.

You greeted  

 and went inside to put your stuff away before going into the weights room to see Iwaizumi.

"I thought you weren't going to show up; it's almost eight," Iwaizumi said as you walked over to him.

"I was debating whether or not to show up. My friend was tempting me with a night out of drinking instead of a night of aching muscles." You laughed while drinking some water. "And you chose me. I'm touched, Y/N." Iwaizumi said, smiling wide, placing his hand on your shoulder.

"Yeah, well, I'm just hoping you can go easy on me tonight." You replied. "Not exactly; we're going to do a more intense workout tonight." He said, moving closer to you.

"Yay." You sighed, pushing him back and heading towards the pull-up bars.

You and Iwaizumi worked out for about 80 minutes when you finally decided that you needed a break.

"Why are you stopping?" Iwaizumi said, catching his breath.

"You weren't joking when you said this was going to be more intense than our other sessions Iwaizumi." 

You said, collapsing onto the ground. Iwaizumi just stared and snickered at you. "You're mean Iwaizumi, I don't think I can move." You breathed, looking at the ceiling.

"Here." Iwaizumi said, sitting beside you to give you some water. "Tonight's workout wasn't even that intense. It's like a walk in the park." He said, suddenly making you choke on your water.

"Are you insane a walk in the park?" You asked, shocked. "Not even Satan wouldn't have made me do anything that you've made me do tonight." You said, grabbing onto Iwaizumi's shoulder.

"That's a tiny overreaction (y/n)." Iwaizumi laughed, following you out of the room.

"No, you're wrong. I'm one thousand percent certain that right now I'm a ghost, and my corpse is back in there." You said, pointing to the room, trying to conceal your smile.

"Oh really (y/n)?" He asked as you stood outside the women's changing rooms. You nodded, and he shook his head. "So I take it we're done for tonight." He said as he looked around the empty gym.

You two usually worked out late when the gym was basically empty, you didn't like to work out in front of many people, and he preferred to just focus on you.

"Don't expect to see me for a month; I need to relax." You laughed, opening the changing room door.

"Good. That means no more late nights." Iwaizumi laughed; you pushed him slightly, not finding his joke funny. "Are you going to belong? I have to lock up." Izumi smiled sweetly at you.

"I'm going to take my time ok. I need to wash all this sweat off me".You said, smiling sweetly back at him.

"I happen to think it looks great on you." Iwazumisaid winking. "You're the only one that gets to see me like this." You said, winking back before going into the changing room.

Once you grabbed your bag from your locker, you undressed and put a towel around your body. You headed to the shower, making sure it was warm enough for you.

All you wanted to do was have a bath when you get home, but you couldn't wait that long feeling as gross as you do.

While you were in the shower, Iwazumi went back into the room you two were working out in. He packed some things away and noticed your sports jacket that you took off because you were too hot.

He picked it up so he could give it to you when your phone fell out of the pocket, the screen lit up, and a message from your best friend appeared. Actually, a few did.

F/N: Hey, what time are you finishing? Do you want me to pick you up?

F/N: I'm assuming by your lack of response, you're still working out.

F/N: Or is handsome taking you home? God, he's gorgeous.

F/N: Your workout can't be keeping you this busy.

F/N: Or is he keeping you busy?

F/N: Are you two doing it? You can tell me. You know I won't judge; you know sex is classed as work out.

F/N: You're a terrible friend for not replying. I'm just going to have to assume you're banging him. Call me later. I want some details later.

Iwaizumi laughed to himself after briefly looking at the messages and decided to go and give it to you.

He knocked on the changing room door and didn't get a reply, so he just assumed you were either changing or in the shower; he quietly opened the door and walked into the room.

He saw your bag lying out with your workout clothes next to it and placed your phone on them. As he went to leave, he heard you singing softly in the shower.

"You know (y/n) I like the song when the actual artist sings it," Iwaizumi said, startling you. 

"Iwaizumi, what the hell are you doing?" You shouted, looking around.

"Don't worry, I'm not staring (y/n)." He said, calming you slightly, not that it helped in any way.

"I meant what the hell are you doing in here." You said sternly.

"I was giving you your phone." He stated. "Do you want a lift home?" He asked out of the blue.

"Yes, please, after I've gotten dressed." You said as you started to turn the shower off.

"Clothing isn't optional." He said, and you could practically see his smirk.

"I'll follow your lead." You said, smirking to yourself as you grabbed the towel. You didn't hear Iwaizumi's reply, but you did hear some shuffling.

A few moments later, you saw a silhouette come through the steamed room.

"Iwaizumi, what are you doing?" You asked, walking towards him. You both stopped a few centimeters from each other, and Iwaizumi lifted his hand, turning the shower on.

Having a shower." He stated obviously.

"But I-Iwaizumi, this is the women's locker room." You said, trying to keep your eyes on him and nowhere else.

"You're the only woman in here, and you don't seem to mind." He said, whispering. You stared at him, trying to decide what to do. "Your towel is wet. You should probably get a clean one." He said lowly. You nodded in agreement and went to walk around him. "Later, though." He said, pulling you towards him.

You’re lips crashed in an instant; you didn't know whether to kiss back or pull away. No warnings were going off in your head, so you kissed him back. Your hands went to his neck, one of his went to your back, the other your front when he untied the towel from your body, letting it fall to the floor.

You both pulled away, staring at each other with intensity. You moved forward, putting your hands back around his neck, pulling him to your level where you kissed him. One of his went to the back of your head, the other your ass as he squeezed roughly.

Iwaizumi smacked your ass, making you moan, giving his tongue a perfect chance to explore your mouth.

You stayed like this for a while, your wet naked bodies tangled up, hair sticking everywhere, tongues battling for dominance, hands now wondering every inch of each other. You loved every second, and so was he.

Both of Iwaizumi 's hands found their way to your ass as he squeezed tightly; you jumped up, wrapping your legs around his waist, one hand in his hair, the other on his face as you pulled him close into the kiss.

He spun you around so your back was against the wall; his kisses moved to your jaw and neck as he made his way to your breast.

He pulled the nipple with his teeth before sucking on it. He removed his mouth and blew gently; the feeling of the cool air on your erect numb felt terrific against the steam-filled room. He did this to your other nipple, then all over your torso. Sucking on the skin then blowing.

His face was level with yours once again, and you continued to kiss some more.

Izumi's hands still rested on your plump ass; he moved one hand under you. So he could access where you needed him; he played with your clit first, rubbing it gently before taking two fingers and entering them inside you.

You moaned, pulling away from his lips and arching your back as he continued to move in and out of your core; your legs tightened around his waist, and he moved his other hand to the wall beside you while he continued with his other hand.

You were close, the warm feeling starting up in your stomach, but you knew you weren't there yet. Iwaizumi then added another finger, going even harder and deeper, showing no sign of slowing down.

His movements were destroying you, but he wasn't done as he started to rub his calloused thumb against your clit, determination, and lust in his eyes as he stared deeply into yours.

"Iwaizumi ." You moaned, getting closer. His moves were now quickening. "Iwaizumi !" You moaned even louder, his actions getting deeper. "Iwa-oh my god!" You screamed, shuddering beneath him.

He held you tight, still keeping his fingers within you as you rode out your high; your mouth was open as he started to pepper kisses all over your face.

"Woah." You said, catching your breath looking at him.

"We're not done yet (y/n); this is part of your workout." He said, taking his fingers out of you and putting them in his mouth. He tasted you, his eyes still on you; he slowly took his fingers out of his mouth and pulled you into a deep kiss, it was gentler, but you could still feel the need in it.

He removed his hand from the back of your head and put it under you, this time grabbing his rigid member and rubbing the tip against you. He looked at you for reassurance as you nodded your head, and he slowly entered you; you started to sink down on him, so you were meeting him halfway.

Iwaizumi stilled, waiting for you to adjust; when you had, he placed one hand on your back, the other on the wall beside your head and pulled back, slowly moving around in.

He kept at this pace for a while until you started to moan; he then moved faster, moaning as well.

Your moans got louder as his hips snapped faster, going deeper.

Iwaizumi moved you from the wall, carefully placing you onto the floor as he filled you again;. However, the ground was slippery; it didn't seem to bother him as he began pounding into you again.

He found your g-spot and decided to not leave it as he continued at the same pace and depth, being sure to hit it every time.

As he continued this, your moans turned to screams that then became deep breaths as you could no longer make a noise.

Your back arched, and Iwaizumi moved down to put your nipple in his mouth once again. You pulled on his hair as one of his hands moved between you both so he could rub your clit.

He hit deeper and deeper, and you were starting to feel your second orgasm of the night.

With each hit came a new feeling of euphoria. You started to clench around him; your nails found his back making sure to mark it as he continued to pleasure you.

Iwaizumi lifted his head from your breast, and he captured your lips in his silencing you as you came; soon after you came, he came as well, slowing his movements but not completely stopping, not until your breathing was restored.

When you both could breathe adequately, Iwaizumi got up and helped you up too. You both stood under the shower and cleaned yourselves up. Iwaizumi turned to help you because you were sore, then he guided you over to your clothes.

You got changed into some clean joggers and a hoodie, and he changed into what he was wearing earlier.

"That was some workout." You said, trying to break the silence.

"Yeah." Iwaizumi chuckled, staring at you. "We could do that instead if you want to." He suggested walking over to you so he could help tie your shoes.

"It's way better than what you had me doing earlier." You laughed as you filled your bag.

"Tell me about it." He said, getting up from tying your shoe. "Do you still need a lift home?" He asked.

"Yes, please." You smiled. He smiled back, placing an arm over your shoulder as you both walked out of the changing room.

Requests are open ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ່࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏⊹ ♥︎

[tarosin]

The great adventures of y/n tubbo jack niki and george

requested:yes/no

pairing: platonic y/n,tubbo,jack,niki and george

summary: minecraft cave in real life

content warning: cursing

an: the word love is used a couple times but this is all platonic <3 i still don’t know how to add read more on mobile i am sorry about that, part 3 to great adventures series

it was around 4 am when the heat became a problem, unable to sleep you grabbed your phone and decided to facetime ranboo just as he was ending stream

“hey boo...you look like you’ve seen a ghost what the fuck were you doing”

“fnaf vr”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad you’re being dramatic”

“okay we shall see how you like it when I make you play it when I’m in the UK”

“okay bet I’ll add it to our list of videos and stream ideas anyway I can't sleep it’s too hot and I’m so confused as to why Tommy keeps asking me if I like and I quote being high”

“tubbo was telling me about that he keeps teasing him about planes you never know maybe you’re all going on an international adventure... or being pushed out a plane”

“doubt it there’s no way Tommy would pull something as crazy as jumping out a plane it would be pretty cool, I was thinking about doing it for my birthday”

“with a parachute? I hope”

“eh with or without, either way, is fine for me”

an hour passed you and ranboo sat talking about what was happening tomorrow and how you wished he was going to be there with you, after all, you knew how it felt to be watching people you care about making plans and doing things without you.

“didn’t you say you were going to a cave tomorrow? Minecraft in real life, nice”

“I’m begging please touch grass”

“I’ve already done that it made me want to become an engineer now get some rest y/n you’ll be getting up in a few hours, I’ll call you tomorrow goodnight”

“see you tomorrow I love you”

*y/n has ended the call*

•••

when you woke up at 9 you couldn’t shake off the awful feeling you had, today just didn’t feel like a good day you needed some time to yourself to recharge however you knew you’d be okay later on

Niki: good morning y/n!! would you like us to pick you up now or do you need a bit longer

y/n: don’t worry about it I’ll make my own way!! :]

Niki: okay see you soon!!

George: we will pick you up in an hour and a bit

Tommy: wait what are you guys doing

tubbo: following jack and Niki around

y/n: what he said

Tommy: have fun then guys without me

y/n: don’t you have work to do big guy

Tommy: don’t you have to get ready

y/n: leave me alone

•••

soon enough you saw jacks car pull up outside so you grabbed your bag from the other day as it still had everything you needed except this time you decided to bring along a mini first aid kit as you knew your clumsiness and a cave wouldn’t mix well. now you were fully awake you couldn’t wait to go explore the caves, you sat next to Niki who decided to play with your hair and spent half of the journey on a call with an unhappy Tommy who was in college waiting to go to lesson the other half of the journey was spent singing along to the radio

•••

jack started recording and turned around to see you Niki and tubbo leaning over looking down at the floor

“oh hi jack” you waved at the camera “so what’s the plan of action”

“we’re going up there”

you loved heights so hearing that you were going to go on a cable car made you pretty excited once you all got into the car you and George tried opening all the windows whilst tubbo complained

“stop trying to open things”

“it’s a window”

“scared you’re going to get pushed over the edge hmm? scared you’ll have to free fall? it’s not that high you'd probably survive the fall, it’s not like I'm trying to open the door on a plane”

“y/n I mean this in the nicest way possible I’m never going on a plane with you”

tubbo laughed and joined the conversation “we shall see about that”

you tilted your head to the side and blinked a few times trying to process what he just said

“heh?”

“tubbo if we fell we would die right”

“you know jack I've done a lot in my life”

you took the phone from jack and began filming him and George

“why is it slowing down”

“we’re going to die”

“I didn’t bring enough food”

you sat laughing at your friends' reaction before explaining that it’s slowing down for a reason

“they’re slowing it down so you can jump out, what I didn’t tell you is there’s actually a parachute underneath where you’re sat, good luck gamers”

“We could probably climb out the window”

“NO, where do we go”

you just sat shaking your head laughing whilst your friends sat screaming about it stopping

“y/n we’re going to die”

“oh no.. let me just text ranboo to start planning our funerals”

eventually, the cable car began moving just very slow you then ended the recording after jack made jokes about it moving as fast as a George video comes out, you all then spent the rest of the time enjoying everyone’s company.

•••

tubbo noticed a park and ran to the ropes giving you time to update your community a stream will be happening later on

y/n has tweeted: I am outside, stream with ranboo when we get home :]

you laughed as you posted that as all the comments started rolling in questioning if ranboo had come to the UK. you walked back to your group and wrapped your arms around jack and Niki making them both jump out of shock

“Sorry about that ahah now if you don’t mind I want to play in the park”

they laughed as you ran to the rope trying to swing without falling that’s when you gave up and started climbing the net close to Niki.

“that’s not a swing George”

jack ran towards them “I’m getting on the swing with George”

Niki laughed as she recorded what was happening in front of her, she looked to her left expecting to see you stood next to her however she heard you laugh and run towards your friends

“I’m getting on the swing with tubbo”

a few moments later George pointed out a castle and tubbo mentioned the ‘wet rocks’ you just stood with your arm around Niki's shoulders enjoying the view of the castle that was until a dog caught your attention and you walked off to go ask if you could pet it

“Niki where’s y/n they were with you last”

“with the dog”

“tubbo when they come back just follow the path towards the castle, me and Niki are going to record”

“got it, boss man”

•••

after a few minutes, you walked back to tubbo and George realising jack and Niki weren’t there you tilted your head shrugged then sat next to tubbo on the swings as George began recording

“jack and Niki have left us but we’re having fun on the swings..”

“maybe we’ll lick some rocks”

“YEAH”

•••

“if we’re quiet we can sneak up on them”

the three of you ran down the path towards the start of the castle steps looking at the cameras that allowed you to see the top of the castle

“there they are”

“they’re vlogging”

“We can just see them through the castle cameras they have no idea we can see them”

you stood leaning against George until you all noticed they were about to make their way back down the steps so all ran off to hide

“there they go”

the three of you ran back down the path ignoring the stares from strangers and comments about how your hair was obnoxiously bright, the three of you scared the pair who were looking for you all

“I’ve never been less displeased to see George”

the five of you continued walking around after joking about the green water and questioning George on how he could tell what colour it was

“I’m a genius”

a few fans can over and took photos with you all and George began questioning them

“George you’re really self-promoting right now”

“George I am disappointed in you”

•••

“dude it’s boiling”

“ice cream?”

the five of you stood inline

“I’m dying to tubbo”

“I’m not going to ask questions, I love how you just accepted defeat”

“you’re next y/n” tubbo let go of George and began walking towards you

“FUCK OFF NO” you ran behind George and used him as a shield

“y/n George isn’t going to protect you”

“I will y/n don't worry tubbo fuck off” the three of you stood laughing not realising jack was walking towards you all with the ice cream

“thank you”

“you’re welcome how’s the ice cream”

“great thank you”

you laughed at jack who somehow managed to get ice cream on his nose

•••

you and tubbo noticed a wishing well and walked over to it

“wanna make a wish”

“yeah but we have no money”

you both looked at each other then at jack them looked back at each other and nodded

“what are you two doing”

“We wanna make a wish”

“come on give me your money”

everyone stood laughing at you and tubbo determined to make a wish whilst jack argued he had no money however tubbo noticed a £20 note and grabbed it

“y/n quick make a wish”

the pair of you held the note and then dropped it into the well

“yay!!”

“We made a wish”

the pair of you walked off whilst jack stood telling you both how he can’t believe you and the pair of you had stolen over £100 from him today making you both laugh

“tell me the wish”

“We can’t or it won’t come true”

•••

“right cave time”

“we’re going to die”

“well thanks for that George”

you stood next to tubbo trying to ignore your friends as they made comments about there being mobs like creepers in the cave

“you two really need to go outside more”

everything was going well for you until the worker said to everyone

“I think we do have some kids here who are doing a vlog”

you could feel your cheeks heating up from embarrassment although you loved your job you still weren’t used to people pointing it out

•••

“This cave has a door”

“naturally formed door”

“y/n tubbo were in the caves, where are the diamonds”

you pointed in a random direction then continued walking whilst tubbo kneeled examining the rock claiming there were diamonds, as you all kept walking you had to put up with tubbo jack and George making Minecraft jokes whilst Niki followed behind them staying rather quiet, everyone’s as focusing on the cave not saying much till George spoke up

“it’s turned into a horror movie”

“why’s the cave so low why can’t they just dig up”

“y/n did you really just ask that”

“yes I did my neck hurts from ducking under the rock”

“so sorry to hear that”

“thank you for your concern George”

“I’m not concerned”

“oh-“

the tour continued and you were genuinely having a good time, you found all the different rocks and information given to you by the worker fascinating and slowly stopped listening to what your friends were saying behind you

“so this little tunnel up here is where they would send the kids”

“off you go tubbo and y/n”

“please no”

you all continued for a while till you were told you were going in the dark despite the fact you were excited you were also very afraid of the dark so stood closer to tubbo who instantly noticed and pulled you into a side hug

“we’re going dark”

“oh wow that is the only source of light”

a minute or so later they turned on some softly coloured led lights so you could all look at the geode

“holy shit that’s beautiful”

“I thought a geode was a small animal”

“that’s a pokemon dude”

you were all given time to go for a wander however rather than walking with the others you decided to stay with the geode and started a group call with ranboo and Tommy

“hi guys can’t stay long break is almost over”

“that’s okay Tommy but look at this giant fucking rock”

you flipped the camera so they could see and went around showing them parts of the cave

“holy shit”

“looks great y/n”

“cool right I have to go the worker wants us to get ready to leave see you all soon”

“wait y/n one last question, how are you with heights”

“oooh I’m great I love them we went in a cable car earlier”

“awesome see you all later”

*Tommy left the call*

“I’ll call you when I get home boo I’ll see you soon!!”

“bye y/n stay safe”

*ranboo has left the call*

*y/n has left the call*

as you all left the cave you and tubbo noticed two rocks and went to pick them up

“hey look our wish came true”

“yeah we wished for a weird looking rock when we left the cave”

“you paid £20 for a rock”

“yes”

a few minutes later you and tubbo just started walking away only to be later followed by everyone else

“where are you going”

•••

you all got the cable car back at this point you were exhausted you used all your energy running around the cave determined to show Tommy and ranboo everything

“What did you all think of the cave”

“loved it”

“you lost your rock tubbo?”

tubbo pulled out the rock and smiled at jack

“no, I didn’t”

“but you chucked it”

“told you we wished for a magic rock”

jack finished the recording and you all just sat talking about your day and any future plans

•••

the journey back home was extremely quiet you and tubbo sat next to each other, you fell asleep with your head resting on his shoulder, Niki sat in the front with jack quietly singing along to the radio and George and tubbo quietly spoke to each other trying not to wake you up.

when you finally got home you woke up on your couch confused as to how you got there it was only when you checked your phone you got the answer

Niki: you looked exhausted we didn’t want to wake you, hope you don’t mind. your keys are on the table next to your bag!! see you soon it was lovely meeting you <3

you decided to reply thanking your friends for today.

•••

*incoming call: ranboo*

you accepted the call

“hey y/n tell me all about your day whilst you get ready to stream I'm already set up”

“oh they’re gonna be so annoyed I've joined in with making jokes about you being in the UK anyway so my day was pretty good but I did end up asleep on my couch and had no idea how I got there”

“heh?”

“let me explain”

[raineydays411]

And the adventure begins

Bruce Banner x daughter!reader 

A/n: yay! Another part out! Finally lol. Now time to work on my Loki fic and ignore this one for two weeks lol💀 jk I’m trying to keep up y’all I promise. Anyway hope you like it����💕

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that you think about it, maybe you shouldn’t have skipped school today. Maybe then you wouldn’t be in this situation. 

....On another planet. Watching Thor be forced to fight some old dudes “Champion”, whatever that means.

Let’s go back to the beginning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nerves filled your body as you walked to school. You had an audition in the school play today and you were determined to get the part. Tony had offered to take you to school today but you decided to walk as it would give you extra time to learn your lines. As you pushed through the busy streets, occasionally bumping into a random pedestrian, you heard some girls whispering.

“Oh my god is that..”

“Yes! oh my go, he's so handsome”

“Ask him for a selfie”

“No you go ask hm”

At first you rolled your eyes, thinking it was just some youtuber or Tik tok star, you kept walking, eyes down re-reading your script. Then you heard the girls speak again. 

“Thanks Thor, I’m sorry Jane dumped you.” 

Hearing the name, your head swiveled up. You scanned the crowd looking for the blonde man, at first missing him as he wasn’t in his usual outfit of a cape and battle armour. But then you saw him, in a hoodie and some jeans. Picking up the pace, you jog toward the god not noticing the darker clothed man next to him.

“....it was a mutual dumping”

“I didn’t know the renaissance fair was in town” you say, a small smirk making its way on your face at the quip. 

Both Thor and ...Loki?! Turn around in surprise at the sudden voice behind them. Only to see you looking up at them with a arched brow. 

“Lady Y/n! How wonderful it is to see you” Thor boomed as he brought you into a bone crushing hug. Over his shoulder you could see Loki roll his eyes. 

“Honestly, had I known this trip would consist of young woman flocking to you, I would have allowed your hammer to kill me.”

Thor ignored his brother as he put you down. “My how you’ve grown.”

You smile and say, “Well the last time you saw me I was twelve.” Then you eye Loki with distrust. “Um Thor, why’d you bring brother dearest back to New York?” 

Loki looks at you with distaste, “ Who is this child, and why is she conversing with us?”

“Brother” Thor warns and then turns to you, “ Lady Y/n, we are searching for our father, it seems as if my brother” Thor harshly pats Loki on the shoulder, “ Has misplaced him.” 

You look at Loki and then look at the building that has been demolished

, “ Woah, I didn’t know Gods put their parents in nursing homes” You say “ If you want we can go back to the Tower and try to track him down”  

Thor smiles at the suggestion, “ A wonderful idea, tell me, how have my comrades been in my absence?” 

You cringe at the thought of explaining the events of the so called “Civil war”. Then notice a ring of sparks forming around Loki. 

“Uhh Thor” You say as you nod your head

“What’s this..wha.what are you doing?” He asks in alarm. Loki looks confused as the sparks get larger and more erratic.

“ This isn’t me” Loki says in confusion. Then suddenly the ground opens up beneath him and he falls through with an alarmed “Oh!” only leaving behind a business card. You and Thor look at each other, confusion written on both of your faces. 

“Loki” Thor whispers as he nudges the card with his umbrella. You look at him with concern and think to yourself

“Does..does he think the cards Loki?” 

You bend down to pick up the business card and read it out loud. 

“177a Bleeker St” you look at Thor and ask,” Do you know anyone from there?” 

“ No” He says, ‘ i don’t even know where that is.” 

You sigh, looking down at your script and making a decision. “ Well, lets go find your brother.” 

And with that, you turn around and start walking to your destination.

“Oh well, school can wait”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Thor find yourselves in front of two big black doors. You stand near Thor as he raises his hand to knock. Suddenly, before his hand is able to touch the door, you find yourselves inside the building. 

“What the fuck?” you mutter to yourself as you look around.

“Thor Odinson” a deep voice says. You look up to see a floating figure in the shadows coming towards you both. Thor pushes you behind him as he holds him umbrella threateningly. If you weren’t in potential danger, you would have laughed at the sight. The figure floated into the light and you saw it was a man. 

He was wearing a cloak and some weird robes with yellow gloves. He was relatively handsome, salt and pepper hair that was slicked back, high cheek bones and a goatee. He wasn’t horrible to look at. His deep, baritone voice was soothing.

“God of Thunder” He said looking at Thor. He glanced at the umbrella. “ You can put down the umbrella.” Then his gaze turned to you. 

“Y/n Banner. I wasn’t expecting you here” He said eyes narrowing at you,” Shouldn’t you be in school?”

You chuckled nervously, “ Eh, how can I abandon a friend in need?” 

The man smiles and looks back at Thor and suddenly your in a different room. Looking around in awe you hear Thor start talking.

“So..Earth has wizards now” He says, picking up a dagger from a display on a table, then dropping all of them trying to put them back. You try to hold back a laugh, feeling embarrassed for the god. 

You might have failed though because Thor looked at you with an unimpressed glance. You giggle out loud this time, as you watch him struggle with the knives. Everytime he managed to put one back, another fell. 

“The preferred term is Master of the Mystic arts...” Clank! another knife falls. The man looks very unimpressed, at your giggling and Thor's clumsiness.” You can leave that now.” 

At those words Thor leaves the knifes, trying to regaine his cool, he leans against the table. 

“Alright wizard, who are you and why should I care?” 

“Thor! That’s rude!”  

Ignoring you, their conversation continues, 

“My name is Dr. Stephen Strange and I have some questions for you.”  He says as he eyes you and Thor. “Have a seat”  

Within a second you’re in another room in the building...or least you think it is. The wind blows your hair back as you are suddenly dropped into a chair. You can see Thor look around startled and confused at the sudden setting change. You’re sure your face mirrored his as well.

“Tea?” Dr. Strange asks nonchalantly, a cup of tea appearing in your hands. You look at it in awe, not used to this level of magic, or magic at all. Thor on the other hand looked unimpressed with the cup.

“I don’t drink tea.” He says examining the cup that looked small in his hands. 

“Well what do you drink?”

“Not tea.” Thor says shaking his head. You roll you eyes as you go for a sip of tea, but before you can a large pitcher of beer was in its place. You look up at the two men with a raised eyebrow. 

“I hate to be a bother, but I do drink tea” 

Strange looked at you in amusement as he returns the beer to tea. 

“Jesus made water into wine, you make beer into tea. Interesting..” You say as you sip your tea. It was perfectly brewed of course. Dr. Strange smiled at the comparison

“Well its not exactly like that” Then he turned to Thor, “ So, I keep a watch list of individuals and beings from the realms that may be a threat to this world. Your adopted brother Loki is one of those beings.” 

You scoff and roll your eyes and mutter, “Yeah no kidding.” Then you finish the last sips of tea, as you bring it down, the glass is already refilled

Thor looks up from his glass that he basically chugged,”Thats a worthy inclusion” His beer is refilled as well. He looks at it in astonishment.

“Then why bring him here?” Strange asks leaning forward.

“We’re looking for my father.” 

“So..if I were to tell you where Odin was..all parties concerned would return to Asgard” He then looks at you, “ or upper Manhattan.” 

“Promptly” “Try and keep me away from this place.” 

“Great then I’ll help you...and get to that later” 

You smirk at the doctor, knowing that it’s basically impossible to squash your curiosity once you get started. Then you realized something.

“Wait, if you knew where Odin is, why didn't you tell anyone?”

“Well he was very adamant he was not to be disturbed,” He turned to Thor, “Your father had chosen to remain in exile. Also you don’t have a phone.” 

“Hmm, no I don’t have a..a phone but you could’ve sent an electronic letter. It’s called an email.”

“Thor you don’t have a computer.”

“What for?” 

You lock eyes with Dr. Strange and share a look. 

“Uh huh well, my father is no longer in exile, so if you can tell me where he is, the quicker I can take him home.” Thor then takes a sip of his beer.

“Okay, hes in Norway.” Suddenly your on your feet again standing an a library of some sort. You’re a bit unbalance and catch yourself on the self. Strange is muttering to himself as he looks through a book. Then again, you’re in another room with a shelf. Nearly falling over you cling onto Thor, but he’s in no better shape than you, beer spilling everywhere. 

“Oh we don’t need that” Boom, in another room, this time you do fall and Thor breaks another shelf. He places the glass on a table, shaking the spilled beer of his person. 

“Can you stop doing that?” He asked irritated 

“Please” you add in, looking up from your place on the ground. 

You’re on your feet in a blink of an eye, feeling dizzy at the continuous movement. 

“Can I..I need a piece of your hair.” Strange says looking at Thor. 

“Let me tell you something, my hair is not to be --OW” 

You smile sweetly as you pass the yanked out hair to the Strange. “ Here you go Dr. Wizard.”  He makes a face at the nickname but takes the hair with a nod of thanks. Thor looks at you in betrayal. 

“Don’t be such a drama queen” You say rolling your eyes.  You then walk away from the duo, examining books and artifact that were in the room. You were too caught up in looking at all the cool stuff you didn’t pay attention to the rest of the conversation. Suddenly you were in the front room again. You managed to stay on your feet as Thor tumbled down the stairs. You watched in amazement as Dr. Strange did some hand movements and created a shape in sparks. 

“Could’ve just walked.” Thor muttered as he brushed the dust and wrinkles out off of his clothes. 

“He’s waiting for you.” Then Dr. Strange turned to you,” Would you like to go home Ms. Banner?” 

You looked at him with consideration,” Um Mister Strange, do you think you can help me find my dad?” 

“I’ll see what I can do.” Then he turned to Thor,” Don’t forget your umbrella.

“Oh right.” Thor sticks his arm out like he’s summoning his hammer. You look at him confused. Then you here several bangs and crashes, as if something is being thrown around the rooms. 

“ohhh thats where your hammer went” 

Dr. Strange looks at Thor unimpressed again.

“Sssorry” The umbrella lands in his hands and he brushes the glass off the hammer.” I suppose I need my brother back”

“Oh right”

The a portal appears a few feet off the ground, in comes Loki screaming as he falls and hits the ground. 

He flips his hair back as he catches his breath, “ I have been falling..FOR THIRTY MINUTES” 

You snicker as you go to help the god of mischief up,” Come on reindeer games, lets get you up” 

He doesn’t decline your help but he doesn’t thank you either. You turn to see Thor and Strange shake hands.

“Handle me?!” “Oh boy” “ Who are you?”

“Loki..”

“You think you’re a sorcerer? Don’t think for one minute--”

“Alright bye bye” The portal then is thrown to them as Loki charges with two daggers. 

It’s silent in the room as you whislte,” Well he’s very catty.”

Strange laughs as he nods,” Come on kid lets find your dad.”

You’re then taken back to the library and you give him a piece of your hair. 

“You have had quite the adventure today.” Dr. Strange says as he looks through the books again.

“Ehh, when you live with the Avengers stuff like this is an everyday thing.”

“I could imagine” He says smiling at you. “ Well..it seems like your father is off world”

“Off world?” You question,”why would he be...?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Then a bag appeared in front of you. 

“I have a feeling you won’t stop searching until you find your father.” He nods to the bag. “ Everything you need to survive in Sakkarr is in there, I trust you know how to use knives?” 

“Yeah, Bucky taught me.”

“Perfect, now you must try to get on the grandmasters good side, that’ll give you the resources you need to find your father. Don’t get caught by scavenger or scrapper , you’ll either get eaten or sold into slavery.”

“Slavery?” you ask with an eyebrow raised.

“Sakkarr is known to be the ‘dump’ of the universe. It’s filled with people you must be weary of. The main entertainment are these gladiator type fights the Grandmaster puts on.” He thinks for a bit the conjures up a portal. He pulls a amulet out of it then hands it to you. “If you find your father, or need a quick escape, rub this amule three times t and I’ll make a portal for you to come back home” 

You nod, nervous to go on your personal mission. You look up at Dr.strange and hug him. “ Thanks Dr.Wizard.”

He pats your back uncomfortably,” It’s Stephen.” 

You let go of him and smile,”Well, beam me up Scotty” 

He rolls his eyes and creates a portal, you take a deep breath and look at him. He sends you a reassuring smile and you’re filled with determination. Then you step through.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You step through it to see...the steps to some weird looking palace. You look around to see an even weirder looking city. It looks like its built out of scraps of metal or parts. You walk up the steps and into the palace. You look around, astonished at the amount of people?? 

Beings. So many different kinds of aliens. All different colors and shapes. It was like a Star Wars movie. Then you see a familiar face. 

“Loki??” 

He looks up at you in confusion, you speed towards him, happy to see a familiar face. Even if it is Thor's evil brother.

“Ah Thor's child friend. This doesn’t seem like your type of setting.”

“I’m looking for my father, Stephen says he’s here.” 

He scoffs, looking around the room. “It seems everyone is looking for their fathers.” 

“What are you doing here? I thought you were in Norway with Thor and your dad” 

“Well it seems that father dearest has been hiding a secret daughter. Who appeared after my father died. And is destined to destroy Asgard.”

“Well shit” you blurt out. “Are..are you okay?”

Loki looks at you like you’re a puzzle. 

“What.”

“Well..” you start nervously, “it sounds like a traumatic experience, so..are you okay?”

He’s quiet for a few minutes, just staring at you. Suddenly he turns around. “We must see the grandmaster. He’s the only one who can guarantee your protection, and I’m sure you would prefer not to be slaughtered brutally in the competition.”

He walks ahead of you, and you stare after him wondering what just happened. Then after he noticed you’re not following him he turns and says

“Well, come on. I haven’t got all day.”

“Oh right.” You catch up to him and walk by his side. Looking around in wonder.

“Why are you looking around like that?” Loki asks as he makes his way through a crowd of...pink women. They had their hair in very intricate styles and weird metallic unitards. They eyed you as you passed by them.

“I feel like I’m in a Star Wars movie.” You pass by a man, he looked almost reptilian. He had pale yellow skin with green slits as his eyes. He looks like he was gambling or something.

“I don’t know what that is. Why would stars commence in battle? It makes no sense.” Loki scoffs as he turns to look at you. You laugh at his misunderstanding.

“I just..never seen..” you trail off not knowing how to explain. Luckily, Loki seems to get what you were says.

“ I can see this is a bit of a change for you. But..you have seen people from other planets before.”

“ yeah..it’s just a lot to take in.” You smile at Loki, “ I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I can freak out about it after I meet the Grandmaster.”

He nods his head and starts walking again, but this time he’s closer to you. Finally, you reach a large room. It’s filled with guards all wearing different colored armor. They part as Loki walks through them, confident with long strides. You follow him, shrinking under their gaze. Loki leans down to whisper to you

“ when you meet the grandmaster, do not be too meak . And do not mention anything about your father till I tell you. Actually, just follow my lead.”

You look up at him and before you say anything, a large woman appears in the room. She looks normal to you. Stocky, a stern face with white markings. A slicked back bun. She’s wearing yellow armor with black accents. She’s holding a large staff with an orb attached to the end.

“ Didn’t the Grandmaster just see you” she says to Loki, glaring at him. Loki smiles charmingly and says

“Oh yes, but it appears that I have found a...friend.. of mine. She, like I, has arrived here on Sakkarr by accident and is hoping to meet with the Grandmaster.”

Then Loki nudges you in front of him, and into the view of the woman. She looks at you with distaste.

“ Poor child is skin and bones. She’s puny.”

You look in offense, but before you can say anything Loki spoke for you.

“Yes, and that’s why I have decided to take her under my wing.”

“ Can she not speak for herself? You expect the Grandmaster to—“ “ Easy Topaz”

“Loki! How wonderful to see you again, even though it’s been about twenty minutes”

A voice cut through the air. Suddenly everyone in the room stood up straight. Topaz immediately stopped talking and turned. A man came in on a floating throne. He was wearing red, blue, and gold robes. He had a blue line down his chin and blue under eye liner. He...he looked like..

“Jeff Goldblum?”

Loki looked at you like you were insane and the Grandmaster and Topaz just looked confused.

“What did she call me?” He whispered to Topaz, she looked at him in equal bafflement. She then tries to hand him the staff.

“ Why are you handing me the melty stick?! She had a slip of a tounge! That’s not a capital offense”

“What is wrong with you?” “I’m sorry! It just slipped out!” “ Do you want to die” “To be fair, that was the biggest compliment I could have given him. Jeff Goldblum is basically a god of cinema.”

Topaz looked at the Grandmaster, “ apparently this..Jeff.. is a god from her world.”

“Hm, child.”

You and Loki stop your whisper arugument and turn to the Grandmaster.

“Come forward.”

You look at Loki in fear and step up to the floating throne.

“Hm” The man says as he examines you. You suddenly feel self conscious about what you’re wearing. A Jurassic park shirt (ironically) with a turtleneck under, some plaid pants and converse. To be fair you weren’t expecting to end up on a different planet.

“I don’t know what Jurassic park is, but look there’s a big lizard on her shirt” he says to Topaz, “ you like lizards?” He asks you. Your eyes widened at the question not expecting it.

“Oh I think I’ve embarrassed her, it’s okay if you like them. I don’t personally like them, they’re all scales and fast and blegh” the Grandmaster rambles then Topaz chimes in

“ and they can grow back limbs”

“Yes! That’s disgusting”

“ I’m sorry, it’s not a lizard, it’s a dinosaur ” you explain. “ it’s from a movie, it has Jeff Goldblum...”

You trail off as they stare at you.

“ Go on, you keep mentioning this Jeff Goldblum, I’d like to hear more about him.”

So there you were, explaining all the different movies Jeff Goldblum was in. From the Fly to Jurassic Park. Everyone seemed...intrested. The Grandmaster somehow got it in his head that you were this great storyteller. So now you were on his good side, just like Loki.

“ Storyteller, I welcome you to Sakkarr! I have never met a child with such interesting stories!” He turns to Topaz, “ Aren’t they entertaining?! So adventurous!”

“ I think they’re weird.” “ Oh don’t be such a buzzkill”

“ I thank you Grandmaster, for being so gracious with my...ward” Loki says, “I assure you that I will keep her out of trouble.”

“ Yes yes, now go, if she is going to stay here, she’ll need to fit in. Topaz, see if you can find a tailor for the child, she’ll need a change of clothes. You as well Loki”

She nods and gestures for you both to follow her. As you walk through the futuristic castle, you are completely in awe. Even though you live with Tony, this is a different kind of technology. Topaz gives you both a tour. She mentions the fights and the arena, but you don’t pay too much attention. Finally you make it to the tailor. After being fussed over and much debating, you finally come to an agreement.

You end up with a sort of body armor. With a black catsuit made out of a leather like material, there were pieces of armor covering your legs, hips, torso, shoulders and arms. Blue fabric was wrapped around your waist, draping down the front and under the armor there. There was also fabric wrapped around your upper arm and shoulders preventing the straps from rubbing against your skin. Finally, to top it all off, a long blue cape drape down your shoulders. You felt awesome. You took the daggers Stephen gave you out of the bag and attached them to your hips. And the amulet around your neck.

“What do you think?” You asked Loki. He looked at you for a bit.

“Your daggers should be attached to your thighs, that way the hilts are at your fingertips and not your shoulders.” He squints for a bit, “ that cape looks ridiculous.”

“Fuck off man I look awesome.”

Loki just laughs and goes to put his outfit on. “ Such foul language for a child.” Then he comes out fully dressed. With a yellow cape.

“ oh? My cape was ridiculous?”

“Hush.”

You smile, and a silence falls between you both. You sigh and look down, playing with the end of your cape. Loki looks at you, examines your face, then looks away.

“ Why...why did you ask if I was alright?” He questions, “when you first saw me..?”

You looked at him your face scrunched in a puzzled expression, “ because.”

“Because what?” Loki asks, not understanding where your coming from.

“ I don’t know, because like I said, something that traumatic must’ve been shitty. I know I wouldn’t be okay.”

“I do not understand you. Why care about someone you never met? Nevertheless someone like me?”

“Someone like you?” Now you were really confused. What does he mean by that?

“No midgardian would trust me. Especially after...” He stops, hinting about the attack of New York. “ I am not... not a good person. Nor a good influence. Not for a child.”

“That’s bullshit.”

Your words seem to startle him.

“I beg your pardon?”

“ That’s. Bullshit.” You stand to face him.

“Loki, I’ve known you for about six hours. And in that time, you managed to help me gain favor of a ruler, enough for him to give me a room to stay in and new clothes. You also helped me when you could’ve just left me alone. From what I’ve seen, you’re pretty chill.”

“Chill?” He asks quirking an eyebrow.

“A good person.”

He stops and looks at you, “ you think I’m a good person? Even though I nearly destroyed your planet?”

“ Sure. We all make mistakes.”

He stares at you for a while. Smiles briefly and then gets up from where he was leaning.

“ You, my dear, are one odd child.” He walks out of the room. “Come along, I must get you to your room. It’s late and I am certain you e had a long day.”

You follow him to your room, turns out someone was paying attention to the tour. He leads you to your temporary room, shows you how to open the door and lock it, then makes sure your settled.

“Well, it’s time for me to retire. Good night child.”

When he doesn’t get a response he turns around, he sees you’ve fallen asleep on the bed. He chuckles at the sound of you muttering in your sleep.

“ An odd child indeed.”

Then he covers you, turns out the lights and shuts the door. Leaving you to go to his room.

( he promptly freaks out over how quickly he’s grown fond of you.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @ella-ivanov​

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

I decided to watch the Walker pilot so you don’t have to. #1

I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I’m doing this and the more I put it off the less I’ll want to do this. So. Let’s start.

The fist thing we see is Jared Padalecki, em Walker, driving. He’s vaguely smiling and there’s the sun behind him. He seems happy. He’s driving a truck, for some reason my mind goes to Twilight. I’d rather watch that. At least there are vampires (not dressed like clowns) there. Anyway. Walker is meeting someone. He’s meeting his wife! “Look at you!” she says. The camera makes us look at him. He looks like this

I am unsure whether we’re supposed to see this as sexy or cool. It looks frankly ridiculous. I don’t know if I’m just not American enough to appreciate the aesthetic of this. But I didn’t go through 15 seasons of Americana-in-British-Columbia for nothing. If a character appeared like this on Supernatural, it wouldn’t be presented seriously. It would be played for a chuckle or in a light-hearted way at least. Not even Dean Winchester would find this hot.

The Padaleckis tell something to each other. Apparently he needs to go home with the kids and his parents because it’s game night. My mind immediately goes to Game Night the episode and I am sad now. But Walker lifts my mood in its own weird way.  He doesn’t know the rules because every time she tells him the rules, he blacks out. I would make a fun quip about this, but the truth is that I relate to him a lot right now because I blacked out during the entire scene. I’m not sure what they said other than the game thing because I wrote it here. I already forgot the rest.

Anyway. What we’re supposed to get from this scene that they’re Very In Love (see that soft warm light?), and that he’s anxious because he’s not great at being a father because he’s shit at games apparently, but his wife is like ~don’t worry so much~ because she’s a kind, understanding wife. He tells her to be safe, because the Texan countryside is dangerous or something. She needs to stay on a route he approved for some reason. Is she traveling with supersoldier serum in her car? Is Hydra going to murder her? [cue the Marvel snipers shooting me to death because they don’t want Marvel to be associated to this]

Later, everyone is having fun playing fake monopoly, but Walker (whose mannerism is just Jared, he’s not even trying) is apparently too stupid to understand a game for kids. Plot twist, this is anti-cop propaganda because it says cops are dumb.

“Et tu Brute” Jared says when the kids point out he broke a rule so they get an extra turn. I thought I was safe from hearing Jared speak Latin! I thought I was safe! I am never safe!

Emily (Gen) suddenly texts him “SOS. Answer” which is OMINOUS! Oh my god! Aren’t you feeling the tension. The rest of the family keeps playing fake monopoly. Someone throws dice. Are we supposed to go “oh! The dice are ~symbolic because someone’s playing dice with her life” or have I been watching too much good tv.

She is running somewhere in the countryside, wearing a white shirt (is this the cowboy lady equivalent of the Wife Nightgown?). She says something is not right. He’s worried. Then he hears gunshot and her scream. He does the Alarmed Jared face, presses lips together and does a Upset Jared face.

Then he goes out, tries to call her again, and again, does a Jared Upset Sniff--

Oh! We actually see her! She’s alive, but she’s been shot in the stomach. Her white shirt is definitely the cowboy lady equivalent of the Wife Nightgown! Ah the blood coming from the stomach! How terrible! Her phone is ringing but she cannot reach it. She is definitely alive right now, though. She’s breathing heavily because of the wound, which is breathing, which is the opposite of being dead.

He decides that she’s dead, and lets out the already infamous manly scream of anguish.

It would be sad if it wasn’t that literally one second ago we saw her wounded but alive. Her turning out alive in the season finale or so will shock everyone. Nobody will have seen it coming. Who wrote this? They should have just shown the ringing phone and her bloody hand/side, making the audience assume she was dead, instead of showing her breathing. Now the audience is gonna assume she didn’t actually die, and wonder “why didn’t he call someone or went looking for her” but apparently Jared’s characters have forgotten that, like, ambulances are a thing. Jared’s manly screams of anguish are more important than common sense.

I’m not going to say anything about the manly scream of anguish. I’m not going to say anything about the manly scream of anguish. I’m n

We’re just 4 minutes in, guys. Why am I doing this?

Eleven months later, says the screen.

It’s night, outside a house. The son is waiting for him. The daughter doesn’t think he’s coming. On the porch there are two men, one is his brother and one is apparently his former partner, now new boss. He’s dressed like you’d expect a normal person to be dressed in a casual Texan night, hat and tie and all. If you are law enforcement in Texas and don’t wear a cowboy hat at any moment, you will be executed. That’s what the death penalty in Texas is for.

Somebody arrives, but to the kids’ disappointment is some dude whose function is to tell us the men’s names. The brother is Liam, the cop dude I forgot.

Walker is being sad on the back of his truck and drinking alcohol, which is the only way television can express a man having trauma. Holy shit - he reminisces of his wife like this is some emotional Lord of the Rings scene in a place where Elves live except this is not the Lord of the Rings and is just ridiculous, look

She’s seen running towards the gazebo, then she turns

This is exactly shot like the scene where Arwen has a vision of her son. Flowy hair and all. I cannot take this seriously.

He smiles sadly. Then a cop car arrives.

Mexican Lady Cop(TM), whose function in the story is to be a Mexican Lady Cop(TM) asks for his licence since he’s drinking alcohol in a public place.

“You ask so nicely” drunk Walker says. Ew. “Yeah, they train the girls special” Oh! Can you see? She is the Feminist Icon who Takes No Shit from the Dude! I’m so excited. I am slowly losing the will to live.

She drives him home on the police car. His legs don’t fit. At least this is realistic.

He does exposition in the car, including “I needed to visit a ghost instead”. There-there was no need to say it. What’s the demographic they’re aiming for? Five year olds? Do they have to spell everything out loud?

“It’s been a while since I had an actual conversation” he says, which supposedly explains why he’s making awkward exposition, but it’s just bad writing. At least they acknowledge it’s bad writing.

She figures he’s law enforcement coming back from an undercover mission from some drunken ramble he makes. This is worse than the Sherlock phone cable port thing.

She says she just got promoted from state trooper, ehe she will work with him wink wink nudge nudge. Is she going to be a cop-buddy-character slash love interest except when they’re almost about to realize they’re into each other, his wife comes back and draa~ama? I can already see it.

He goes home, makes some Jared grunts, and falls asleep on the couch.

Next morning, he goes out and jogs to where he left the truck. He puts on a cowboy hat which is supposed to be an artistic shot.

I’m slowly dying. He makes some Jared Deep Breaths, at least this made me laugh.

Wait, he’s now wearing a black hat. He’s in mourning, see? What.

He drives to his father’s ranch. His father is Super Not Impressed. It’s awkward. They took about horses. Mitch Pileggi is thinking that at least the other show was more exciting and there was Jensen Ackles in it.

He gets into his parents’ house and the dogs run to him, he does the Jared Dog Chuckle. He hugs his mom. He hugs his son - “August, my boy!” he says, like a normal person his age says.

He hugs his brother and they joke-wrestle and he says “I’m still the big brother” and did I mention I’m dying inside. I just can tell this is SUPPOSED to be reminiscent of Dean and Sam’s first meeting at Stanford in the pilot except Jared is the big brother now. Ew.

We learn that the brother is a DA and gay. All pilots suffer from Forced Exposition Syndrome but it’s like this isn’t even trying.

He goes to work and hugs (very manly hug of course) his friend-now-boss, who is called James. James asks him if he’s good and he’s like yeah I’m good, which our I’m Fine Lie Moment #1. Some things never change.

Enter the case of the week - a cop offered roadside assistance but he was assaulted. We’re already starting with a “Oh No Poor Cop :( Someone Doesn’t Like Cops And Gets Violent” plot. Yay.

Ta-da! Mexican Lady Cop appears, cowboy hat and all. James says she’s Walker’s new partner. My heart cries while Walker says “figured you’d be a guy” and she replies “so did my mom”. The feminism is so strong :’) She’s such a strong female character :’) I’m so happy :’)

Then Walker makes such a quintessential Jared thing with his mouth that I need to stop this here and take a break.

It’s been 13 minutes. So much still to go. I’m bored. Why am I doing this.