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treatbuckywkisses · 2 days ago

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HI I STAYED UP WAY TOO LATE TO READ THIS PART !!!! :))

(also this might be my longest rb so far)

SIX UPON A TIME

"You weren’t sure what you wanted him to do, but it was fun to watch the time bomb tick." - let's kiss him on the mouth ��🏻

"A reason to get up in the morning." - SHUT. YOUR. MOUTH.

"But then you blink back into reality again when Bucky sits you down on the closed lid of your toilet and slowly makes you let go of his shirt, kneeling down in front of you. The blue of his eyes is devastating, even though you have to keep blinking to keep him in focus." - No I can't do this

"Maybe that’s the most terrifying thought of them all. You would die for him. Once, twice, however many times are necessary if that meant that he’s safe. " - Nika I'm fucking crying. I wish I was exaggerating but I'm actually fucking crying before 10pm.

"But it seems like you haven’t known it at all, because right now, you feel the knowledge of it, of him, surge through you with all its facets. You can’t even begin to put it into words, because where would you start? How do you explain what he makes you feel when he hasn’t been there himself, not in any way that matters or sticks? And if it’s never happened at all, if time keeps unraveling like this, how can it even be real? " - the woman that you are. Oh. My. God. You are completely unreal this is phenomenal.

"His breath hitches when they dip lower, almost reaching the place you’ve watched dimple when he laughs, but he doesn’t move away. He doesn’t laugh, either." - I have actual tears in my eyes you are so evil

"That day, he dies with your stupid nickname on his lips, twisted into something that looks strangely close to that earlier smile. This one doesn’t have time to reach his eyes, though." - Nika I'm fucking sick to my stomach what the fuck is wrong with you

Brief intermission bc I got too into it and read the rest twice before coming back to make notes (I was too immersed)

A crack in the sky you are insane I would FREAK

Where TF does bucky go during the day. As a naturally nosy gal the unknowns in this story make me ITCH I can't wait for everything to be revealed

"Why won’t you look at me? " - this is so hurtful why are you being so mean to me

HOW IS THE DELIVERY MAN EARLY IM LITERALLY IN SHOCK AND WE MOVED ON FROM THIS TOO FAST????????

"You take a sip of your tea and some feeling returns to your translucent fingers. Strange’s cloak draws itself around your shoulders." - hehe we have the cloak 🫶🏻

""I came to you," you realize. "Or, I will, once I get out of this." The relief that washes over you makes you want to sob. "So there is a way out?"" - why did this make ME relieved like I'm stuck in the loop too 😭 I literally have felt anxious for our dear reader like I'm sick and this has soothed my heart the smallest bit (I'm still scared of you)

"You can’t help but wonder when he’s last tried the bed." - Frick you for putting him in the floor what has my baby done to you let him be comfortable 😭��

"No," Strange answers. "This is just when he wakes up." - this made me LAUGH I needed that

CAPS BDAY IM CRACKING UP THATS SUCH A FUN SILLY MOMENT

"He might has well have doused you in a bucket of ice water. You’re suddenly very aware of every single cell in your body, and you don’t like the challenge sparkling in his eyes." - THEY ARE SO IN LOVE MY GOD IM SICK

Why are we waking up to silence I'm gonna throw up Nika

What did the powers do

Alpine can see us that is both cute and scary 😅

"You lose a few hours here and there, time seemingly speeding up at random sometimes now. One morning, Bucky isn’t in the gym like he usually is, and you work yourself up over it so much you nearly have a panic attack. In the end, you almost crash into him outside of his room, and a rush of reassurance floods through you with such force you can’t even look at him." - what is wrong with you

"That time, Sam is there when Bucky gets shot, and it’s his cry that follows you into the next day. Your hands are clean this time, and somehow that feels worse." - how dare you write these 2 paragraphs and also put them so close together????????

"And then it’s you who’s speechless, because the shock on Peter Parker’s face is more than you bargained for." - FULL. BODY. CHILLS. WHAT A MIND YOU HAVE NIKA. I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS.

"Sweat pearled on your forehead as you and the universe held your breath again. You could feel your hold slipping with every second that wasn’t allowed to pass. Time was impatient with you." - THE LAST LINE ?????? I'm speechless

"And with time stumbling and flailing around in confusion, you made it out of the building and into the waiting cab." - ok chapter 7 pls 🫶🏻

I'm kidding you are PERFECT I can't believe I missed out on this for as long as I did?!!!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing your incredible brain with me I want to kiss you on the mouth I love you!!!!!!!

time after time [6]

series summary: After what starts out as a fairly normal mission, you find yourself stuck in a time loop. Which would already be bad enough in itself if it didn’t also mean having to watch Bucky die over and over again.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

word count: 12.8k

chapter warnings: maybe reacquaint yourselves with the story premise, it's been a hot minute; characters refusing to be honest with themselves and each other; violence against side characters, minor injury descriptions; strange is still annoying

a/n: this is quite possibly the scariest fic update i've ever made. a lot has happened since the last chapter was posted, and i won't bore you with all of it. suffice it to say, i missed sharing this story. thank you for being patient with me.

series masterlist | main masterlist | read on ao3

six: butterfly effect

Working with Sam and Bucky was different than working with Natasha and Steve had been.

At the Compound, it had felt terrifyingly easy to find your place, to slip into the new role they granted you as if you were always meant to fill it. You’d felt that way before, and it hadn’t turned out quite so well. Maybe that was why you used to dread the end.

Now, however, for the first time in a while, you constantly had to prove yourself in order to not be left back in that dark place they’d found you in, alone and trying to make sense of any of it. And you liked that. The challenge was something you could live with, something you could enjoy more than the ever chilling anxiousness that things were simply too good to be true.

So when Sam called you on for a follow-up mission shortly after the first one, you jumped at the chance.

It didn’t matter that you barely talked about anything but work, even when you were hanging out in your spare time; in fact, you much preferred that to digging up the past. You even learned to find a wicked sort of enjoyment in provoking Bucky’s initial dislike of you to the point of where he would barely speak to you at all unless it was to snap at you.

You weren’t sure what you wanted him to do, but it was fun to watch the time bomb tick.

It wasn’t as easy to get under the new cap’s skin.

"You’re making us sound like we’re partners in a law firm," Sam said, a smile clearly audible in his voice even though his eyes didn’t betray it. Bucky didn’t even dignify you with a clench of his jaw.

"What?" you said, crossing your legs. "Every newspaper in the city calls you 'Wilson and Barnes'. Don’t you ever read the articles about yourselves?"

"Unlike some people, I don’t have all the time in the world," Sam said, leaning back on the couch with his eyes closed.

"Pity. The Bulletin called you the 'nation’s new dynamic duo' last week." You looked at Bucky, your eyebrows raised in amusement. "You’ve officially been downgraded to a sidekick, Barnes."

He answered with an empty glare of his own. "And what does that make you?" he said, but not like a question.

"Nothing at all," you still grinned. "Everything is right in the universe."

The reporters had yet to pick up on your addition to the team, which was proof enough that your powers still sufficed to fly under the radar. Combined with the fact that you were actually regularly talking to people again—and people who weren’t your therapist or your customers no less—, things almost felt like they were settling into a new kind of normal. Still somewhat weird, and still a struggle each day, but somewhat hopeful, nevertheless.

You’d almost forgotten what that could feel like.

“Right. You’d prefer people not knowing about your creepy powers.”

"Aww." You tilted your head to the side happily. "You think I’m creepy."

Bucky scoffed into his mug, refusing to look at you like he always did, and then he strolled off again.

In truth, you couldn’t blame him all that much. You’d lived with your powers all your life and still found them unsettling sometimes, particularly when they got away from you and left you trapped in a universe that refused to move.

That was none of his business, though.

Besides, Bucky had taken to moving around so quietly you could never tell he was there until he’d cough and you’d flinch, usually dropping whatever you were holding in your hands. You’d already cracked your phone screen twice.

Not that he’d know, or care if he did. It gave you great satisfaction to erase his amused smirk from existence.

"Give it time," Sam said without moving. "He doesn’t like new people."

"Neither do I," you murmured, and he snorted. "What?"

"Pretend with me all you want, but maybe do a bit of introspection there."

You crossed your arms with a pout. "You sound like my therapist."

"Mhm," Sam hummed, opening one eye to look at you. "You owe me fifty bucks for that."

"Fuck you."

"Oh, would you look at that, the price just went up."

He chuckled as you flipped him off and went to look for the coffee pot.

Of course, your way got blocked. The downsides of not hating having people around.

Bucky was leaning against the counter, considering you. "You go to therapy?"

"You should try it some time," you said distractedly, reaching around him to get your favorite mug. Bucky recoiled like he was afraid you’d burn him. You shook your head in annoyance. "Helps with the stink eye."

"Is that what they told you?"

"They told me I needed to process my grief, but I decided to focus on some more achievable goals." You took a sip of your coffee, sighing in comfort. "We came up with a compromise."

Bucky scoffed, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He still hadn’t taken his gloves off around you.

"Sounds like a way to drag it out," he said.

You frowned into your cup. "It’s not a race, Barnes. There’s no finish line for this shit."

Something odd went over his face, but he went back to avoiding your gaze when you tried to make it out. You knew him well enough by then to get the hint, and so you left him alone.

What was it to you if he didn’t want to warm up to you. That had no bearing on the fact that overall, your situation wasn’t all too bad anymore.

It was something, you supposed as you curled up in your spot on the couch with your book later that day, slipping in and out of time to keep your company a little longer because deep down, you knew you were sick of being alone.

It was weird and different, yes, but it was still something anyway. Something to do with your afternoons again.

A reason to get up in the morning.

*****

"What are you talking about?" Bucky asks quietly, carefully, but he makes no attempt to pull back from your embrace. It allows you to take another shuddering breath, inhaling his scent until it makes you dizzy.

The fact that you probably won’t be this close to him again any time soon makes you press into his chest even harder, hard enough to feel his heart flutter against your forehead, the shock of the situation making it pick up speed.

For a split second, you slip into a sort of vacuum, your thoughts quieting as he keeps mumbling to you, and in that blissful moment, your situation doesn’t seem quite so dire anymore, more like a bad dream. You’re safe now, aren’t you? How could you not be?

But then you blink back into reality again when Bucky sits you down on the closed lid of your toilet and slowly makes you let go of his shirt, kneeling down in front of you. The blue of his eyes is devastating, even though you have to keep blinking to keep him in focus.

You don’t want to have to do this, you realize once your gasps for air start calming again. You’re not sure if you can bear it.

But nothing in this loop has been about what you wanted.

And so your resolve is made, with your heart sinking until it’s hidden away deep, deep inside of your chest. You ball your hands into fists to keep your fingers from twitching.

Two or three times he watches you inhale, start to say something, halt before you can, almost choking on it. Like your body is refusing to go through with it.

"How do you know when I’m lying?" you finally ask, and your voice sounds oddly clear in your small bathroom.

Bucky’s face goes from concern to confusion, his frown deepening. You want to smoothe it away with your thumb.

You close your eyes so maybe the temptation goes away.

"What?" he asks, and he still sounds so damn gentle.

"I’ve never been able to lie to you," you say. "What’s my tell?"

You can feel him move away from you and the ache of it makes you look again. His shirt and his hands are covered in his own blood, and you’re sure there’s some fucking metaphor in the way it stains the golden inlets of his vibranium arm crimson but for the most part, you can’t unsee the damn irony of it all.

Because you’ve pissed him off now.

"You scared the shit out of me, Y/N. And Sam, too." There’s the sharpness in his voice you know all too well. You haven’t heard it in a while. "What the hell is going on?"

"I’m trapped in a time loop," you say, squeezing your fists more tightly. "I’ve been reliving this day for weeks, my powers aren’t working, I’m the only one who can stop time from completely collapsing, I can’t do that without my powers, and you’re gonna die later today. Am I lying?"

It’s maybe the worst way you’ve ever told him, because watching Bucky’s face change is almost too much. This is exactly why you’re doing it, though; as long as you’re going through this loop with a giant guilty knot in your stomach, you’re not going to make any progress. And you need to put an end to all of it.

So you meet his gaze, almost unwavering, and you don’t blink.

His shock bursts free as an incredulous laugh. "What?"

"I’m stuck," you say again, slower, nodding at his hands, his blood, continuing to push, "and you keep dying."

Bucky looks down, then, before his gaze falls back onto you and he sits back on his heels. The pause lasts for way too long, heavy and smelling of iron, and you’re pretty sure you’re suffocating. He only says one word, and it sounds so defeated. "How?"

You swallow heavily. "You got shot on a mission," you say, but he shakes his head, the fire returning to his eyes.

"No. How did you get stuck?"

"I …" You blink, because you’re not prepared for this question, because you can never predict what he’s going to say, because he keeps doing that to you, because somehow, and not like you’ve expected, you feel like you’ve been here before.

How did it happen? That’s not … Okay.

"It was an accident," you finally say, helplessly, defensively.

There’s a flicker of something in Bucky’s eyes. "What happened?"

"You died. You died that first time and I didn’t—I couldn’t …" You swallow the sob that threatens to shake your voice again. Damnit, you’re supposed to push him away.

He moves his arm, then hesitates, as if he wants to reach out to you but changes his mind at the very last moment.

Right. He doesn’t normally do that.

Except he has.

He has held your hand and pulled you closer and written on your arm and let you lean on him with the full weight of your body, as if to him, you weighed nothing at all. He’s been offering to carry your load so many times, and he doesn’t remember a single one of them.

"Please don’t look at me like that," you say tonelessly, watching Bucky retreat.

"Like what?"

"Like I’m gonna fall apart at any moment. And yes," you add when his mouth opens, "I—I know I just did, I’m aware of the irony, but this is exactly why I can’t keep telling you, I don’t—I can’t stand it." You press your wrists against your temples, ignoring the buzz of the whirling time symbols against your skin, the stinging in your eyes. "You shouldn’t even—I mean, are you even the slightest bit worried about yourself? Because I feel like I’m the only one here, and I should’ve just—"

You stop yourself, shaking your head. Your hands are very clammy all of a sudden, and when you tug at your rings just to do something, one of them slips off your finger and clangs against the tiles as if to punctuate the silence.

When you reach down, you move your wrist in a way that makes you hiss in pain and flinch back. Bucky’s eyes flit between your own and your hand, his frown deepening in a strangely soft way. "Did you break it?" he asks quietly.

"I’m fine," you mumble, and he looks at you disapprovingly. "You’d grabbed my hand just before …"

His jaw twitches as the blame settles in again, and you would do fucking anything to finally make him understand that none of this is his fault. That you should be in pain for what you’re putting him through.

"It should’ve been me," you tell him, because it’s true.

Even earlier in the week, you would’ve taken great delight in seeing Bucky Barnes’ face fall at something you’d said. Hell, you’d have probably enjoyed it on Thursday, because there used to be this easy sort of gratification that came from riling him up, from catching him off guard.

Seeing it now, though?

It makes your fingers twitch.

"Don’t say that. Not even as a joke."

"I’m not joking." You can feel your pulse in your ears. "They aimed a shot at me, and you pushed me out of the way, and you died. So by all accounts, if your instincts weren’t so damn noble all the time, it should’ve been me, and if I weren’t such a fucking coward, I’d have gone back and switched places with you weeks ago."

The thought terrifies you, even though it’s true. No part of you wants to go through the things Bucky is, but if someone gave you the choice between either one of you right now, you wouldn’t even have to think about it.

Maybe that’s the most terrifying thought of them all. You would die for him. Once, twice, however many times are necessary if that meant that he’s safe.

"I’d like to see you try," Bucky says, and something slams into your chest as an old familiar shiver runs down your spine.

There’s a pained edge to his gaze, contemplative and heartbreaking and …

"You’re doing it again," you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

"What am I doing?" His hand brushes your knee, and your skin is left searing.

You swallow heavily. "Being noble."

Bucky chuckles softly, and his eyes leave yours for just a moment. "Don’t exactly feel like that."

He’s beautiful.

It’s a new thought, despite everything. Even when you’ve noticed it before, you’d roll your eyes at the fact and move on, because this was Bucky. So what if his face was delectably handsome?

But it seems like you haven’t known it at all, because right now, you feel the knowledge of it, of him, surge through you with all its facets. You can’t even begin to put it into words, because where would you start? How do you explain what he makes you feel when he hasn’t been there himself, not in any way that matters or sticks? And if it’s never happened at all, if time keeps unraveling like this, how can it even be real?

So it’s pure instinct that makes you move, like someone would pinch themselves to ensure they’re not asleep, even though you’re very aware that this isn’t just a dream. You need to confirm that Bucky is real, though.

The air stands still when your fingertips trace along his cheekbone, leaving a delicate flush behind in their trail, barely touching and yet …

And yet.

His breath hitches when they dip lower, almost reaching the place you’ve watched dimple when he laughs, but he doesn’t move away. He doesn’t laugh, either.

There’s a scraping sound at the closed bathroom door, followed by a short knock. You flinch backwards.

"I’m leaving the first aid kit on the bed," Sam calls from the other side. "Just … holler if you need me."

"Thanks, Sam," Bucky says coarsely, and you can hear steps receding. The scratching continues, though. That damn cat.

Finally, he breaks eye contact, clearing his throat.

"Do you want me to help you clean up?"

You shake your head. You’re not sure you could stomach more of this. "I’m good, don’t … Don’t worry about it."

Bucky drags a hand through his hair, muttering something to himself you can’t quite make out. Slowly, he gets to his feet again.

"We need to come up with a plan," he says, and you want to cry except … you’re tired. Tired and sick of this.

"I need to come up with a plan," you correct him. "We have been trying to do this as a team for weeks, and it doesn’t change anything except waste time and …" And hurt. "I can’t do it anymore, Buck."

There must be something in your voice that thaws his defiant glare a little. "So what’s the plan?"

And with a sigh, you fill him in on everything that’s been going on with Strange and your powers. Again. One last time.

You have to do this alone.

Bucky ignores your insistence that you can manage just fine and sets your wrist while you talk. Alpine, now free to roam wherever she pleases again, has decided the bathroom isn’t quite that interesting after a short look inside, and is now taking a nap in the spot of sunshine next to your bed.

"New deal," he says once you’re done, once he’s thought about it all, and you raise your eyebrows. "Don’t do anything stupid."

"You know me," you smile, checking the makeshift dressing around your hand. The green symbols are hidden by the layers of gauze.

Bucky doesn’t bite. "I’m serious, just—don’t."

"How would you know?"

"I wouldn’t," he says, snapping the first aid kit shut so vehemently Alpine’s tail twitches. "But I trust you."

Your head whips up at his words, even though his back is still turned to you. He doesn’t see your face as your heart is jostled into a new rhythm, so violently and unexpectedly that you lift your hand without thinking, pinkie outstretched.

"Promise."

He smiles when he notices, and you wish you could take a picture to carry with you through the rest of this nightmare.

That day, he dies with your stupid nickname on his lips, twisted into something that looks strangely close to that earlier smile. This one doesn’t have time to reach his eyes, though.

***

There’s been a change in the weather.

Not literally, no; of course not literally. Fuck, you long for a single cloud, a raindrop, a damn hailstorm to break the streak of endless perfectly sunny days that don’t fit your mood in the slightest.

But there’s a tinge to the sky that makes your stomach turn. It’s not very obvious to anyone who hasn’t looked at the exact same sunset for weeks on end, just a single strip of color across a storybook horizon. It looks like a crack.

"Do you see that?" you ask warily when you notice it for the first time, ominous and yet almost completely hidden by the trees and the buildings. Just dancing around the edge of your vision like another mockery.

"What?" Sam asks, eyes not leaving the path ahead.

"That … thing in the sky. What is that?"

Bucky stops and squints at where you’re pointing. "It’s called a cloud," he says dryly.

"With that color?" you murmur, but continue walking when he stops to turn to you, your wrist tingling. His stare is searing your neck, but you ignore that, too.

The best course of action, you’ve learned, is to shut your brain off as soon as you get out of the quinjet and just go through the motions, trying to ride out the mission like you’ve done dozens of times before. There’s a sort of autopilot you’ve fallen into after a couple of days, and it’s the only thing keeping you somewhat sane. Most days, it means it’s all over quickly, and you can’t help but feel glad about that.

You’ve given up trying to change your own actions to get him through the day.

But this …

It’s something new, and in all this monotony, that thought is both frightening and exciting. It distracts you enough to get you off script.

"Lovely interior design," Sam mumbles like he always does.

"Remember how this was supposed to be a day off?" You kick one of the pebbles in your path with a sigh. "What happened to 'don’t worry, Y/N, after training the day is all yours'?"

"Occupational hazard," Sam says, checking his map for the thousandth time.

"You know what I mean."

"Don’t you have tomorrow off?" Bucky says over the intercom.

Tomorrow. "Right." It comes out somewhat strained, your fingernails digging into the palm of your hand. "And why do you know that?"

Sam shakes his head and there’s a brief crackle of static in your ear. For a fraction of a second, you nearly dare to hope Bucky will give you an answer, even though you have no clue what it would be.

"They’re heading your way now," he says instead, "so get a move on."

And just like that, you’re back on track.

Quickly clearing your throat of the lump that has formed there, you say tonelessly, "I probably only have one reset left. Two, if we’re lucky and you two aren’t being stupid again."

It’s taken you a while to get used to it. To the constant lying.

You’ve worn fingerless gloves on missions before, so that’s not raised any questions from the others yet, and your rings stay hidden away. You’ve been more reluctant to take them off since the one you lost on your bathroom floor vanished into thin air.

The other thing you’ve picked up on while endlessly repeating this day is that Bucky is less likely to catch you in a lie if he can’t see your face.

So you’ve made an effort of spending as little time as possible with him.

It’s surprisingly easy to stay in your room for the majority of the day, because he doesn’t remember it ever being any other way. Even today’s little exchange will be lost to the loop soon enough, just like that little pause he made, just like the bullet through his heart.

Still, when you wake up with a start on Friday, July 4th, you look at the sky first. Its perfect blue doesn’t soothe the sinking feeling in your stomach at all.

You’ve been waiting for something to change for weeks, and now that it’s here, you don’t like it at all.

"What did you expect?" Strange says with an infuriating composure once you’ve nervously recounted your experience. "I told you, time isn’t supposed to get stuck in this way. Of course your reality was going to act up sooner or later."

"I really feel like you should be more concerned about this," you mutter, letting a ball of green energy pass from your left hand to the right. It’s about the size of a quarter now.

"Honestly," Strange answers, "I thought something like this would have happened a while ago." He taps his fingers together. "Again. Slower."

"So what am I supposed to do then, just ignore it?" The green ball pulses with your indignation, turns around itself once and then sinks into your palm again.

"In all likelihood, it’s a one time glitch. If everything is back to normal today, I wouldn’t worry about it."

Your thumb rubs across the empty space on your finger. "Easy for you to say if you’re not the one who’s stuck in an endless hellscape."

"Aren’t I?"

You both roll your eyes at each other, but then you bite the inside of your cheek again, unable to shake the feeling of a whole new shade of dread. "What if it’s not just a one time glitch?"

The corners of Strange’s cloak roll up on themselves, and he doesn’t meet your eye when he says, "We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it."

It’s still early when you return to the present, too early for Bucky to be back from wherever he’s always going, so you decide to venture out of your room again, stretching your tired limbs. You’re pretty sure at this point that waking up on the floor is never going to feel fun.

Sam is in the kitchen as always, reading something on his laptop. He’s still sitting down, which means that it’s even earlier than you expected. You miss these early parts of the day, the calm before the storm.

If today were only made up of these few hours, you suppose, it might not be half so bad.

You pull up a chair next to him and lean a cheek against your hand. "What’re you doing?"

"Research." Sam sighs, rubbing his temples. "Remember that ULTIMATUM group?"

"Never heard of them," you say with a small yawn. "Is that an acronym? What does it stand for?"

Sam gives you a glare and your mouth twitches slightly.

"Anyway," he continues, turning his laptop so you can see the article he’s reading. "They’ve been more active again lately. Acquired a couple thousand dollars’ worth of lab equipment through one of their contacts and then went underground again."

Of course, you know all this. You’ve been over it again and again, back when you were all still trading information like it could save Bucky’s life. Like there was a deeper meaning behind any of this damn loop other than the fact that you, and you alone, fucked up.

Useless.

You close the mental door on those thoughts and take a deep breath. You hate to admit it, but all of this sitting around with your thoughts bullshit you’ve been doing has actually helped you to clear your head somewhat—if only to make it through the parts of the day you can’t avoid.

"And now what?" you ask, pretending to just have reacquainted yourself with the topic.

"Now," Sam says, taking his laptop with him as he stands up and strolls over to the kitchen island, "I’m waiting for Torres to get back to me so we can decide our next steps once we’re all recovered." He gives you a meaningful look and you scowl.

Then, slowly, his words register in your brain, and you stare at his back as he stretches and then moves to make some coffee, wordlessly taking one of your mugs out of the cupboard as well as his own.

"You don’t seem too worried," you say hesitantly.

Sam shrugs. "Until we have a proper lead, there’s not much we can do. And I doubt they’ll be doing any actual damage any time soon. They’re a lot more covert than the Flag Smashers ever were."

"Right," you say, more to yourself than in response.

"Try that again, less convincing?"

"I don’t know," you mutter, slowly following him to lean against the fridge. "Just … what if Torres did find something? Should I be getting ready?"

Sam frowns. "Are you not telling me something again?"

You try to shake the thought, pulling your arms around you. "Forget it."

You don’t, though.

It keeps bugging you, because that day like any other day, he knocks on your door at 4:32 on the dot, and you go on that mission anyway. And even though this has been happening for weeks, you’re just starting to suspect that you are, in fact, still not getting the whole picture.

***

Catching a glimpse of Sam’s phone turns out to be more difficult than you first thought.

You’re still trying to get the timing exactly right a couple of days later, and you miscalculate enough to catch Bucky on his way upstairs.

"Hey," he says, his shoulders tense when he looks at you. There’s a restlessness to him that he’s not quick enough to hide; or maybe you’ve just grown more perceptive when it comes to him.

"Hi," you say, crossing your hands behind your back. "Where’ve you been?"

He shrugs. "For a walk."

You already know he won’t elaborate if you try poking, so you don’t. "Was it good?"

"Lotta people." He hesitates when you continue to not meet his eye, and then he says, "Do you want to talk about it?"

You swallow, ignoring the tingling sensation on your wrist. "Not particularly. Do you?"

Bucky’s jaw twitches. "Nah."

Somehow, you feel like that’s also a lie. Once again, you’re left wondering.

The silence between you stretches as you continue to not quite look at each other, until you finally clear your throat, nodding at the front door. "I’m getting coffee, do you want something?"

Honestly, it’s just an excuse as to why you need to leave before he notices something off again somehow, but Bucky tilts his head in amusement.

"Didn’t you just get some this morning?"

"So? I like coffee."

"Really. I never knew."

"Screw you."

You can hear him huff behind you, but thankfully the door falls shut before you can do anything stupid. Like turning around to face him, for example.

You miss his eyes.

Why won’t you look at me?

When the elevator doors open, you almost yelp into your delivery guy’s face. He stumbles a half-step backwards, somehow managing to keep a hold of the boxes precariously balanced on his arm while he’s reading something on his phone.

"Oh my god," he lets out, "I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I was just …"

"Early." You blink.

"Sorry?"

"Nothing," you say, frowning only a little. "Wait, let me get that."

You quickly sign for the delivery and open the door with your keycard, holding it open for him. You’re not exactly afraid of burglars these days, and besides; you know this guy by now.

"If you could just go straight ahead and to the right, that’s where the kitchen is."

"Sure thing," he shrugs. "Thanks—"

His mouth snaps shut and he blushes a little as if he wanted to say something else but thought better of it.

You’ve introduced him to Sam enough times you know he’s going to be fine, so you just smile and wave him in.

When you step out on the street, you instinctually look up at the sky. It’s outrageously blue, blatantly perfect for an endless Friday, and even when you squint, you can’t make out any irregularities.

It’s a tiny relief, but a relief nontheless.

Lucy is leaning against the wall just out of sight of the storefront, an unlit cigarette dangling between her lips as she rummages through her pockets. Her colorful makeup has begun to melt off in the sweltering heat, making the red-white-and-blue stars on her cheeks bleed into each other to look somewhat purplish.

"Are you off or on break?" you call over.

She lifts her head, the glare vanishing when she recognizes you. "Counting the seconds," she says. "Don’t you have anything better to do?"

You sidestep a couple of pedestrians hurrying to cross the street and join her. "Not really."

"I hate you." She finally fishes a lighter out of her back pocket, sighing contentedly as she takes her first drag. "I swear, this day just won’t pass."

Fine. Maybe your chuckle is a little shrill. "I’m sorry."

Lucy waves you off with a gesture crude enough to make a young dad with a stroller send the two of you a dirty look. "You without your shadow today?" she asks, inspecting her nails.

You blink. "My shadow."

"You know. Your friend who’s been in here eight thousand times and still gets confused when he orders." A cloud of smoke vanishes into thin air. "Kind of the lingering type, isn’t he?"

"He’s old," you say, because for some reason nothing else comes to mind.

"Not that old."

"No," you agree, "not that old."

For a moment, you’re afraid she’s going to ask you to pass her number along to him, and you’re already scrambling to find an answer somewhere in the depths of your brain, coming up empty. That’s the problem with being able to unhave entire conversations; you don’t usually really have to deal with reactions if you don’t want to.

Without your powers, though, you’re stuck, and it’s making you wish you hadn’t come here at all.

Instead of any of that, she pulls a flyer out of her other pocket. "Sorin and Cass are doing a gig in Brooklyn next week, do you wanna come with? They’re still terrible, but they got a new bassist who seems alright."

You take the flyer, staring at it. "I didn’t know they’re in a band," you admit.

The truth is, you’ve never paid that much close attention to the people you work with. Maybe that’s been a mistake.

Lucy shrugs. "You’re always doing your own thing." It stings, even though you’re pretty sure she doesn’t mean for it to. "It’d be fun if you came, though."

"I’ll think about it," you say, and your smile is a little unsure, but genuine.

So is hers.

"If you don’t want to hang with us all night, you can bring some friends, too." Her emphasis hangs in the air between you like a dare.

You snort. "I feel like this isn’t quite their scene."

"You feel like or you know?"

"Isn’t that the same thing?"

"No." She puts her cigarette out on the wall behind her. "Knowledge is based on experience. On memories. Your feelings don’t sit in your head. And so they don’t make sense and they’re not necessarily true." She winks.

"You’re weirdly smart," you say, shaking your head.

"I know. It’s a curse." Lucy sighs. "Anyway, think about it. I gotta get back to hell."

"You know," you say with a grin, "I could really do with a frappuccino right about now."

"You know what you could do?" she answers in her sweetest customer service voice, pointing you down the street. "Get in a trash can."

Damnit. You might actually grow to like Lucy.

She taps her fingers against her temple and then shuffles back inside, a hot rush of air blowing out of the AC as the door opens. You fold the flyer up to fit into your back pocket, hoping you’ll make it to that concert one day, and then you walk on, aimless again for the moment.

***

Time passes while it’s standing still.

The problem is, at least for the moment, that by all appearances you’ve reverted back to square one. Going through your day as though any of this is even remotely normal, counting the hours and minutes to reenter the astral plane and feel some semblance of control again.

It’s been nice, really, if you’re ignoring the constant underlying feeling of dread.

Which you’re getting better at.

You wake up with a start to the sun in your face and FRIDAY blasting The All-American Rejects at full volume.

Rinse and repeat.

You wake up with a start to the sun in your face and FRIDAY blasting The All-American Rejects at full volume.

Even on days when you’re sure you’re making progress with your powers, every reset makes it just a little harder to keep dragging yourself onwards.

You wake up with a start to the sun in your face and FRIDAY blasting The All-American Rejects at full volume.

"You look like shit."

Your head rolls to the side slowly, allowing yourself a glance while Bucky is still distracted with his arm. Concentration makes his brows knit, and something warm spreads in your chest.

"I’m so tired," you say, voice barely above a whisper.

He doesn’t look at you, but you’re grateful for it for once. Your eyes are stinging a little.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Yes. Yes. Yes.

"Not particularly."

"Do you want to talk about something else?"

You almost smile. "Like what?"

Bucky shrugs with one shoulder. "Like the fact that you just planted Sam into the mat head-first and yet made a face like you killed a puppy?"

Sometimes you wonder how he still manages to slip in without you noticing, no matter how many times he does it.

"Did I?"

"Did you kill a puppy? I’d hope not."

Your body’s been getting stronger, anticipating Sam’s every move. At this point, it’s not so much training as it is an exercise in muscle memory; but how would he know that?

It still isn’t enough. It’s never enough.

You pitiful, selfish, useless bastard.

"You’re doing it again," Bucky says and you blink.

"Doing what?"

"I don’t know, but I don’t like it."

Something inside you twinges uncomfortably and you wrap your arms around your knees, pulling them into your chest. "That might just be me, period."

Bucky huffs. "Take the towel on the right," he says. "I already used the other one."

So you do.

And then you wake up with a start to the sun in your face and FRIDAY blasting The All-American Rejects at full volume, and then you wake up with a start to the sun in your face and FRIDAY blasting The All-American Rejects at full volume, and then you wake up with blah, blah, blah.

"I can’t do this anymore."

Strange watches you, but you don’t get up from where you’re lying, blankly staring at the ceiling, feeling like your chest is about to explode.

You don’t want to feel like something is tearing you apart every single time, even though you know it’s not permanent. There’s always the tiniest glimmer of hope that this will all be over soon.

Or maybe it’s dread.

"Maybe you can’t," Strange answers.

You blink, sitting upright. "What?"

"Maybe you are actually incapable of cleaning up your own mess. You’ve never had any training before, after all. Maybe you’re too weak."

Useless. Not good enough. Waste of time.

"If this is reverse psychology, it’s not working," you say through gritted teeth, pressing your eyes shut so tightly they don’t burn anymore.

Strange ignores you. "Maybe you’re going to be stuck in this loop forever. If that’s the case, there’s no point to keep trying either. Maybe we should just call it a day."

You can feel your breaths coming in shorter.

"Maybe you’re just going to keep failing to save anyone for the rest of your life."

"Stop it!"

An explosion of power goes through your body, bouncing off the walls and bathing the room in a ghostly green light. You cough and curl into yourself as you watch it billow, still echoing the words back at you, "too weak", "stuck in this loop forever". Your bones are heavy with exhaustion.

Strange crouches down next to you and a cup of fragrant tea draws itself up to the side of your face.

"You’re drawing the bulk of your power from pain. From a desire to fix things that you think you alone are responsible for when the truth is that each and every one of us is constantly creating reality."

"Fuck you," you mumble. When you sit up, your head is still swimming.

"You cannot keep this up."

"If I’m such a lost case, then why do you bother?"

"I’m trying to tell you that you’re not." He points at the walls, still covered by that greenish fog. "This is the strongest display of your powers I’ve seen from you yet, and it only happened because you were lashing out. Pain is not a sustainable source of energy. Imagine what you could do if you could be in control."

Do as I tell you.

"There’s no way to control my powers on a larger scale. It’s impossible."

"You keep telling me that, and yet you keep coming back. Why?"

You push yourself up to your elbows, wiping at your face. "Because I have to hope, right?"

"And there it is."

You take a sip of your tea and some feeling returns to your translucent fingers. Strange’s cloak draws itself around your shoulders.

The wizard himself stays quiet for another minute or two, before he asks, "Why do you think I’m talking to you right now? Helping you, even, nevermind your constant whining and your insistence that this won’t work, after you’ve spent your whole life running away from anything resembling actual responsibilities."

"I didn’t—"

"Answer the question."

"Because I created a time loop?" you guess.

"But you already know that this loop is just one point on the timeline. A single day, repeated endlessly, but going exactly like it was always supposed to, once resolved. So, without the time stone and my privileges as the Sorcerer Supreme, and with your protections still in place, how would I have found you?"

He knew exactly where and when to look for you. But he’s right, that shouldn’t even have been possible unless …

"I came to you," you realize. "Or, I will, once I get out of this." The relief that washes over you makes you want to sob. "So there is a way out?"

"Of course there is," he says, surprisingly gently. "Time isn’t supposed to get stuck."

You sit with that for a minute, hiding your face in your hands as Strange stays silent. Finally, you take a deep breath and look at him again with newly sharp focus.

"So why don’t you just tell me how to do it?"

He raises an eyebrow. "You know that’s not how it works."

"Yes. It is. It’s literally what I do all the time."

"What you do is leaving realities you don’t like by turning backwards."

"That’s not true."

"Just because your motivations aren’t entirely selfish doesn’t mean you’re right."

You’re so damn exhausted. The frustration of this whole thing is really starting to scratch at your sanity, and there’s an ache in your chest as you stare at your own sleeping face, biting the inside of your cheek, thinking.

Strange snaps his fingers to get your attention back.

"I’m not a mind reader," he says. "Out with it."

"I want to see him," you say, getting up. The cloak flaps around you in a very satisfying way. "Bucky. It’s early this morning, right? Just before the loop starts again. That means he’s upstairs."

"And what’s seeing him going to do?"

You ignore him and walk towards the door, reaching for the handle. Your hand goes right through it. You try it several more times, to no avail.

"Heaven help me," Strange mutters behind you.

Shutting your eyes, you take a deep breath. The circle of green tingles around your wrist.

Then, you walk through the closed door.

You fully expect to crash into the wood head first, but instead you feel the door moving through your noncorporeal form, and then you’re standing on the other side.

With a startled hum, you turn left, not waiting to see if you’re being followed.

You only hesitate in front of Bucky’s bedroom door. You’ve never actually been inside his room since he’s moved in; well, apart from that time he patched up your feet and you woke up in the astral plane for the first time. It feels odd to consider entering without him actually being aware of it.

Then again, there’s quite a few things at this point that he’s unaware of.

Before you can make up your mind, the door swings open just a little, and you automatically take a step back. Alpine sleepily slinks through the gap and trots off in the direction you came from, probably to sit in the kitchen and mope until FRIDAY activates the food dispenser again. On the stairs, she passes Strange who raises an eyebrow at you.

"Changed your mind?"

You glance into the room.

At first, you can’t find him. The bedding looks untouched, and there’s a brief flurry of panic that makes you step inside before you can keep questioning yourself.

Bucky is lying on the floor next to the bed, his hands balled tightly into an old throw blanket. It’s haphazardly draped across his torso, like he’s been trying to wriggle free during the night. He grimaces in his sleep.

Try the floor.

You can’t help but wonder when he’s last tried the bed.

"Can he hear us?" you ask quietly, not needing to look over your shoulder as you sink to the floor next to Bucky.

"No," Strange says. "Not until you put in a lot more work."

"Would he remember if I did?"

"I don’t know."

You do look back at him, then. "You know, considering your position you don’t know a whole lot of things."

You concentrate on your own hand until you’re starting to feel cool metal underneath your fingertips, ignoring the throbbing of your head. Carefully, you touch the crease between his brows, smoothing it out tenderly.

Bucky sighs a little in his sleep, but doesn’t stir. Doesn’t stop quietly murmuring in his dreams.

"You feel better?" Strange asks.

"Not really." You’ve already reached out to him without it having any repercussions too many times. "But that wasn’t the point."

"What was?"

"Just …"

Comfort. He brings you comfort, even when he doesn’t know it. It’s the same reason you keep waiting for him to arrive in the gym in the mornings, even though you could probably hurry up and miss him.

Even if the loop never ends, it’s still good to see that it’s bringing him back like it’s supposed to.

How incredibly selfish, you think as you continue looking at Bucky and letting a quiet, hesitant wash of calm come over you.

And then, all of a sudden, his eyes open.

You flinch backwards, but even though you’re almost face to face, he seems to stare right through you, his breaths heavy.

"Did I do something?" you say quietly.

"No," Strange answers. "This is just when he wakes up."

You watch as Bucky drags a hand over his face and then gets up with a determined tick in his jaw, grabbing a notebook from the nightstand. He scribbles something down, hastily, like it’s threatening to get away from him if he doesn’t hurry. You don’t have to read it to know it has something to do with what he’s seen in his sleep.

When the words stop flowing, he sits on the edge of the bed for a minute longer, but the tension doesn’t leave his shoulders. Finally, he rolls his left arm a few times before pulling on a shirt and his running shoes.

He always goes for a run in the morning. You’ve made fun of him for it before, but you hadn’t put together that while Strange was trying to get you to clear your own head through sitting still, Bucky might be doing the exact opposite to get the same result.

The door clicks shut.

"Are we done with the spying, then?" Strange says.

"No need to get weird about it," you mumble and take his outstretched hand.

***

Something changes once you know that your situation actually has an end date, even though Strange either cannot or will not tell you how many more loops you’re going to have to go through until then. Even so, there’s a new assurance to your every step again, a determination grown from the knowledge that all this isn’t for nothing. That there is an out.

You can cling to that.

"What would you do if you were stuck in a time loop?" you ask, letting your legs dangle over the ledge of the roof.

"Ew, no," Lucy replies, shaking the few remaining ice cubes in her cup emphatically. "My shift was long enough as is, and I’ve been looking forward to my Sunday off all week."

"Fair point," you concede.

It’s early afternoon then, and you’ve found a quiet spot on the top of the Tower. If Lucy was at all confused why you’d shown up at the store right when she clocked out and asked her to hang out, she’s not showing it. Over the past couple of loops, you’ve learned that she really likes to go with the flow, and you appreciate that.

"If it’s not today, though," she continues, like she’s thinking aloud. "Imagine the books you could read. You could try out all that stuff that you say you want to do, and then you never have the time to actually do them."

It’s a good thought, but a lack of time has never really been an issue for you. "Nothing you do would really stick, though."

She squints against the sun. "You realize that’s a pro, right? No consequences whatsoever. I could cut my bangs again and they’d be gone the next day."

"You used to have bangs?"

"Never, and I’m willing to state that in a court of law."

You smile and lean back on your elbows. "If something good happened, that’d be gone, too, though. You don’t get to keep that, either."

"Yeah," Lucy says thoughtfully. "I’d still remember it though, right? It still happened. I could make it happen again."

"Maybe." Your thumb scratches the empty space on your pinkie. Even though you’ve turned your entire bathroom upside down, your ring is still gone, like it just up and disappeared from this reality. You can’t help but wonder if that rift in the sky from a few todays ago has anything to do with that.

"What about you?"

"Hm?"

Lucy takes another slurping sip from her almost empty cup. "What would you do in a time loop?"

You can’t help but laugh. "I’d try to keep making the good things happen, I guess."

"Sounds like a lot of work."

It is.

"Are you out of your damn mind?" someone shouts behind you. "It’s in the fricking nineties today and you’re baking?"

"Technically, we are baking," you say, nodding at Lucy and leaning back further so you can look at Sam upside down. "And we’re baking for you."

"Hi, cap," Lucy says, pulling her sunglasses off.

"Hey." Sam crosses his arms and fixes you with a very cap-like glare. "Why are you baking for me."

"Y/N said it’s for your birthday."

"My—" He cuts himself off, rubbing his temples. "My birthday’s in September."

"Whoops," you say, your grin just believable enough. "My bad, cap."

"You’re not funny," Sam says, "I hope you know that."

You know.

Of course, today isn’t actually his birthday, not even if time were allowed to pass normally. It is day forty-fucking-nine of the loop, though, which makes it your fiftieth time living through this crap and frankly, you all deserve some damn pie.

It’s not going to make a difference in the long run, of course, and yet you can’t help but feel like keeping count of those little markers of time helps to hold your head above water. Making the good things happen, even if they don’t change a thing and no one but you is going to remember.

So you simply say, "It’s turtle pie," because you know that it’s Sam’s favorite. "Hey, what’s the time?"

"Oh, it better be," he says, holding his phone up for you to read and then marching out of your field of vision.

Sadly, you’re just about a minute early.

"He could’ve stayed," Lucy says when you let out a frustrated huff.

"He has that thing at the Garden," you tell her distractedly, taking a mental note to stall Sam a little longer next time.

"There you are."

You flinch at the sound of Bucky’s voice, barely daring to move your head when he sits next to you, his back to the brink.

He never comes up here. That’s the whole point.

"Hi?" you say carefully, and a grin tugs at his mouth.

"Not you," he says, nodding to the ground in front of him.

You turn around fully to find Alpine taking a nap just a few feet behind you, her snowy tail wrapped around a flower pot.

You let out a relieved breath and ignore the small sting in your chest. Of course he’s not up here because of you. Why would he be?

"Gee, thanks," you murmur, quietly shifting around so your hands are hidden underneath your legs. "You sure know how to charm the ladies."

You glance back at Lucy, but she’s looking at her phone, her eyes once again indecipherable behind the large sunglasses.

Bucky raises an eyebrow. "Think you could handle my charm, Y/L/N?"

He might has well have doused you in a bucket of ice water. You’re suddenly very aware of every single cell in your body, and you don’t like the challenge sparkling in his eyes.

So you do what you always do and you block it out. Dismiss and distract.

"Does Alpine seem weird to you?"

He tilts his head, his jaw tight. "Weird how?"

"I don’t know," you say, staring at her. "She’s just been acting … odd, lately. Today, I mean."

And following you around in a way you’re pretty sure she’s never done before. Not before the loop, at least.

Bucky sighs. "Did you make her scratch you again? Because I’ve told you before that I’m not getting rid of her for enforcing her boundaries."

"First of all, I never make her scratch me, she does that well enough on her own."

"That’s victim blaming," Lucy says without looking up. Bucky snorts and you almost roll your eyes.

"Second of all, she’s up to something. I know it."

"Oh, yes," Bucky says dryly just as Alpine makes a small noise in her dreams, her nose twitching. "That’s the embodiment of evil right there."

"I don’t trust her," you mutter.

"And yet the cat’s the weird one."

"I hate you," you mumble, standing up. "I’m gonna go check on the pie."

"There’s pie?" Bucky says.

"Not for you!"

You turn at the door to see Lucy leaning in to show Bucky something on her phone; the frown has disappeared from his face, his shoulders relaxed. If he’d pull off his glove right now, it’d almost be like sitting in a park.

That’s good, you tell yourself as the door slams shut behind you with a bit too much gusto. Reminds you that there’s nothing special about you in particular, which is much needed, really.

Can’t wait to punch that one out of your system later.

Again and again and again and a—

"Whoa, whoa, you alright?"

You blink. Riff slumps to the ground in front of you, body limp.

Bucky stares at you in concern, his hand still on your shoulder. His lip has split open and there’s the usual bruise already forming on his cheekbone. You can’t help it. Your gaze is drawn down, your breathing shallow.

You screw your eyes shut to snap yourself out of it, but when you open them again, Bucky hasn’t moved an inch.

"Never better," you whisper, and for a split second, you almost believe it yourself.

Liar, liar, liar.

***

At least, you suppose, reality seems considerably less broken these days. No more cracks in the sky.

You get your wake-up call when you wake up with a start to the sun in your face and FRIDAY …

"… FRIDAY?" you say into the silence of your room, your heart pounding wildly. This cannot be happening. Not now.

Not yet.

He got shot again yesterday.

A pleasant jingling sound rings out. "Good morning, Ms. Y/L/N."

You look at the clock on the wall. Ten to eight, just like every morning. "What day is it?"

"Today is Friday, July 4th."

You can taste bile in your mouth despite your relief. There’s an impatient thrum to the symbols around your wrist, like a noose that’s tightening.

What did you expect?

"Rise and shine, McFly! Time to get your ass kicked!"

"Didn’t you set FRIDAY to wake me?" you ask Sam as you’re climbing the stairs, nerves on edge.

He looks at you weirdly. "I did. You’re up, aren’t you?"

You bite the inside of your cheek. "Didn’t sleep well."

That much, at least, is still true. Full nights of sleep are a long distant memory from before constant back-to-back repetitions. The only time your body shuts off is when you manage to sleep for a little bit in between your astral visits and the mission call.

"I hope you don’t think that’s an excuse," Sam says, bumping your shoulder, and you manage a tired grin.

"You wish."

Today, you let him win, even though your ankle makes an odd crack when you land on the mat. You’ll take care of it later.

"You look like shit."

Grief and relief, you’ve learned, both taste like salt and iron, but the latter is so much easier to swallow.

"That makes two of us," you say, sitting up slowly. "How was your run?"

"Good," Bucky says, putting the cloth away and stretching his fingers out. They catch a ray of sunlight. "What’s wrong with you?"

Not this again.

"Later, okay?" you answer, because that’s not a lie. "Let’s just … not, right now?"

"Alright," he says.

And, oh, you want to tell him again. Because he doesn’t press it. Because you miss having someone to share things with. Because you miss telling him the whole truth. Because you’re scared, and tired, and sick of losing him.

But those are egotistic thoughts, and so you keep them all to yourself and take the towel on the right.

There’s one good thing about this today. You make it to the living room just in time to finally catch a glimpse of Sam’s phone right when it pings with Torres’ message.

I can check it out on Monday if you’d like.

That’s it. No urgency, weirdly proper spelling, not even an exclamation mark.

In other words, you’re not sure what you expected but you’re no closer to answers than before.

"What does it matter?" Strange sighs when you tell him all of this with a frown.

"It matters," you reply, "because if we hadn’t gone on the mission, Bucky wouldn’t have died that first time and none of this would’ve happened."

"So what?" he says. "It’s already done."

"But if I could prevent it—"

"It already happened."

"I can make it not happen."

"You and what powers?" Strange says sharply. "Even if you did that, it wouldn’t stop the loop."

"How do you know that?"

"Because you’ve already seen first-hand that it’s bound to you and your powers, not to whatever you do or don’t do during the day. Karma is a fairy tale for those who don’t want to take responsibility for their actions."

"Do you really still think this is me not taking responsibility?" There’s a green flare that goes through you, hot and seething and making goosebumps crawl down your arms.

Strange smiles at the sight. "Let’s find out."

He extends his arms and slowly opens his fists until orange symbols dance across his shaky fingers. The band around your wrist prickles at the weight of his magic flooding the air.

Strange’s cloak nudges you towards the center of the room and your heart gives a heavy thud. "What, right now?"

"Would you prefer being stuck for a couple weeks more?"

"Of course not it’s just—I don’t feel ready."

"No one ever feels ready until they try."

And maybe it’s because it reminds you of something Steve once said, but it makes you step up, falling into the stance you’ve practiced over and over again. You breathe in deeply and close your eyes.

The pull comes easier now. Your powers have just been resting, nestled somewhere deep inside your bones like glowing embers, waiting for you to call upon them.

When you look at your open palm, the green wisps of your powers have curled up to the size of a ping-pong ball. You take another steadying breath and let it glide to the tips of your fingers, carefully letting it balance itself out for a second before moving your other hand.

"Good," you can hear Strange say quietly.

Slowly, carefully, you let the threads untangle until they’re just about to touch the green band circling around your wrist. You can feel the electric tingle of it, the soft beat of each passing second contained within, and you push past it.

You’ve done this before, so you’re not surprised when you feel the energy drain from your body almost immediately. Up until now, though, it’s just been trial and error, not expecting anything to happen. This time, you have Strange’s magic feeding some of his strength into you as well, and so instead of hesitating, you press on, your heartbeat speeding up.

The band around your wrist does the same.

"Don’t lose your focus." Strange’s voice sounds very far away, almost warped.

Very funny, you might have said, but you’re too busy watching it all unfold.

The whirring inside of your head grows louder as the circlet of time keeps rotating with accelerating speed, faster and faster until your eyes start tearing up and there’s something that looks almost like a crack.

You gasp quietly. At first, you think you might have just imagined it, but then the split starts growing, the symbols growing farther and farther apart as the band itself keeps spinning. Your pulse is beating in your ears. Your wrist feels like it’s being set on fire.

There are voices, then, quiet and fast, like you’re watching a sped up movie, music and noises and chatter and birdsong and a whooshing sound like something flipping right past you. Then, something like distant shots.

I’m getting Bucky out of this, you think as the green band continues rotating until suddenly, there is a shockwave of green light that takes up your entire field of vision.

You close your stinging eyes, keeping your feet firmly planted on the floor as your powers rush through you once more and then, with a shudder, settle down again, exhausted. The glare subsides. Something like a trickle of sweat runs down your noncorporeal neck.

"Did it work?" you ask, your voice rough, not daring to look for yourself. There’s no answer, though. "Doc?"

Slowly, your eyes readjust to the gloomy darkness of your room in the astral realm. The only source of light is the glowing green band continuing to circle around your wrist, the rifts stabilizing again like it’s clicking back into place.

You swear under your breath and turn around to ask what went wrong, but Strange is no longer standing beside you.

You’re all alone.

***

Three, two, one—

"Iced grande extra whip caramel macchia—shit!"

You catch the plastic cup before it drops onto the suit of the business man standing in line in front of you. "Here you go, sir."

He grabs his drink with a grunt and hurries back outside. One of these days, you might ask him why he’s in such a hurry, but it’s not today.

You’ve grown to adore the noise of the pre-noon rush. The cacophany of the whirring machines, the AC and the people is just loud enough to make your head calm down a little. Besides, being alone in a crowd has never been easier than when you know for a fact they are not going to remember you.

The drinks are starting to pile up at the hand-out, and because you feel bad for your colleagues, you start handing them out to people. You’ve been here a lot, after all.

"Tall hazelnut latte for Misty!"

Plus, it helps to keep your mind from wandering back to everything that’s going wrong.

Strange still hasn’t returned.

The astral dimension feels different when you return the day after your experiment, like someone’s been pulling invisible strings to make everything just slightly more disordered and dark.

It’s cold, too. You watch your body shiver in her sleep as you wrap your arms around yourself. The books are still there, shimmering slightly with the magic they contain.

"Doc?" you call out, and the vibrations of this place hum it back at you. There’s no answer.

The book at the top of the pile is still opened to a page, as if it’d just been left a moment ago, and you pick it up. The words glide around like they are looking to jump back into an inkpot, and you have to squint to make out any of them.

Incursion, the section header reads. Result of a contraction in a universe’s timeline. Can cause premature disintegration or collapse of any one reality within the multiverse.

"Just great," you say, slapping the book shut again. "I get it, alright? You can come out now."

But there’s no sound apart from your own heartbeat.

Your noncorporeal head is swimming with pressure as you pass through the closed door and into the hallway. The walls seem larger than usual, the stairs warping ever so slightly underneath your feet so that you can’t look at them for too long without feeling seasick.

Upstairs, the air doesn’t feel quite as heavy. The silence follows you, though, lingering in the grayish morning shadows like the remnants of a nightmare.

Bucky still mumbles in his.

You can’t make out what he is saying, and you wouldn’t have understood the words, anyway, but there’s sweat on his brow again. His fingers are tightly clutching the thin throw blanket like it’s shielding him from whatever he’s seeing in his dreams.

You take a step closer to him, desperate to do something, anything, when you notice movement out of the corner of your eye.

Alpine is perched on top of the bed, complacently tucked into herself on one of the fluffed up white pillows like it’s really her room, not Bucky’s.

And she’s staring right at you.

You take a step to the side, then another. Alpine tilts her head, her large eyes fixed on you. They follow your gestures as you wave your hand.

A quick glance tells you that Bucky is still sleeping. You take a deep breath and conjure up a small dot of bright green light, letting it dance across your fingertips. Alpine uncurls herself in interest, her tail twitching.

"You can see me," you whisper, and the little spec of your power disappears.

The cat meows in disappointment.

Carefully, you move closer to the bed, reaching out your translucent hand until you place it on Alpine’s head.

She rubs against your palm.

You chuckle incredulously, scratching behind her ears. "You little devil."

Alpine seems particularly pleased with herself. She starts purring.

This is simply bizarre, you think as you continue petting her soft fur. You’re expecting a sarcastic comment from behind your shoulder any minute now, but it doesn’t come.

So, you lower yourself down on the floor next to Bucky, the tips of your fingers not quite grazing his arm as you swallow heavily.

And then you wait until he gets up.

It’s possible, you think as you watch him leave and then make yourself wake up too, that Strange is simply messing with you for the hell of it. You don’t like the timing of this, though. Your day still continues on and on and on, like it always does, but it seems just a little too pointed that this would happen right after you had your first hopes of getting out of here in a long time.

It doesn’t help that the reality glitches have decided to return with a vengeance.

Every day is still July 4th. You wake up with a start, you train, you get coffee, you fight over lunch, you take your astral visit, you go on that damn mission. It’s the details that start to get … fuzzy.

In the beginning, every single thing around you was the exact same every single day. Now, though, there are sometimes details that are just wrong. A different mug left on the drying rack. A mess all over the tables in the lab. Weird noises all over the Tower.

You don’t know what to make of any of it, and so in general, you follow Strange’s rule of thumb and simply ignore the things that are wrong one day and then right the next—which, thankfully, is all of them. You just go with it, telling yourself that this is simply reality malfunctioning a little, like a machine that needs oiling.

Weirdly enough, that doesn’t reassure you in the slightest.

But what else can you do?

You lose a few hours here and there, time seemingly speeding up at random sometimes now. One morning, Bucky isn’t in the gym like he usually is, and you work yourself up over it so much you nearly have a panic attack. In the end, you almost crash into him outside of his room, and a rush of reassurance floods through you with such force you can’t even look at him.

That time, Sam is there when Bucky gets shot, and it’s his cry that follows you into the next day. Your hands are clean this time, and somehow that feels worse.

Everyone’s back to their usual stuff again, and that’s that.

Another time, you’ve barely rolled out of bed and into your bathroom—"Rise and shine, McFly!"—when you’re suddenly jolted forwards and you wake up with a start to the sun in your face and FRIDAY blasting The All-American Rejects at full volume. Your stomach feels like it’s still turning, nauseous, as if you’d sat up too fast.

That feeling still leaves a bad taste in your mouth, sticking to the back of your mind like the blood you haven’t even had time to wash off.

The thing that demands most of your attention, though, is the pile of books waiting for you in the astral realm. Since you don’t have any control over the loop itself, you pour all of your energy into trying to understand the theory behind your powers. It’s giving you a constant headache, and it takes a lot longer than you would like to admit, but at least you feel like you’re doing something that’ll last.

Nothing else will.

There’s one last lonely cup sat on the counter next to your own, which signals that the rush is over for now. You can see Lucy wiping her forehead as you wave your goodbye, picking up both drinks on your way out and handing one of them to the guy just hurrying back downstairs.

"Here you go," you say without stopping, glancing at your phone. You haven’t stayed this late before.

"What the—" you hear behind you, just before the doors glide open and you’re greeted by the sound of traffic and a hot breeze of air.

If you’re lucky, you can make it back to your room without anyone seeing you. You’ve moved on to a particularly hefty tome about relativity, and you’d like to—

"Hey! Miss? Hold on a second!"

You look over your shoulder to see the delivery guy has run after you, cup still in his hand. His bike is leaned against a lamp post nearby, his cap dangling off one of the handles.

You found out a couple of weeks ago that he takes his break just after dropping off your order, but you don’t usually make eye contact anymore.

Now, he holds out his cup accusingly. "That’s my drink."

You smile. "Good for you."

"No. No, that’s not—I mean—how did you know it was my drink?"

And because nothing really matters and you really want to go home, you say, "It has your name on it, doesn’t it?"

You expect him to look at you with wide eyes, just like people normally do when you know things you’re not supposed to. His mouth will drop open, speechless, his frown will deepen, and you can wink at him and continue on your way so he can spend the next couple of hours wondering what just happened.

The cup falls out of his hand, but somehow he manages to catch it before it hits the sidewalk. When he looks up at you again, and his expression is unlike anything you’ve seen coming.

"But that’s not …" he says quietly. "Do you remember me?"

And then it’s you who’s speechless, because the shock on Peter Parker’s face is more than you bargained for.

*****

"Honestly, I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this," you said quietly, looking over the rim of your glass at the crowd.

"You complaining?" you heard Sam’s voice say over the little earpiece you were wearing.

"Not at all."

Apparently, people connected to terrorist organizations threw incredibly fancy parties.

You hadn’t felt this glamorous in a while, if ever, dressed up to the nines in a dark green jumpsuit with an incredibly flattering cut that you’d never had a reason to wear before. Despite your initial doubts about this whole thing, you felt great, for the first time in way too long.

"Are you gonna move any time soon?"

Well. Mostly.

At least Barnes cleaned up nice, you supposed; it almost made up for his grouchy demeanor.

With a sigh, you downed the rest of your drink and got back to work. You let the crowd swallow you up, seemingly on your way to the restrooms, and then you stopped it all to slip upstairs unnoticed by prying eyes and cameras.

You didn’t hold it for very long; you had to rattle some doors, after all, and despite your espresso martini, it was still hard to tell if you could manage several redos back to back. After all, you’d only been back in the game for a couple of weeks.

It took you a few tries to find the right office, and locating the files was comparatively easy with what you already had access to. There it was, proof that ULTIMATUM had managed to secure most of the Flag Smashers’ previous supporters as well as some high brow weapon dealers.

While you copied everything onto a flashdrive, your eyes caught one of the designs. You frowned.

Even though you couldn’t pinpoint what it was, exactly, something about it seemed just slightly too highbrow for an organization of the international bad egg committee that was supposedly still mostly underground. Your gaze started drifting through the rest of the office, noting the usual boring books and glass awards in the bookshelves on the far wall. You pulled open one of the desk drawers.

"You almost done in here?"

"Fuck!" You slammed the drawer shut again, getting your pinkie stuck in the process. "Damnit, where did you come from?"

Bucky pointed over his shoulder.

"Fuck me," you murmured, your eyes stinging at the pain.

Bucky looked nonplussed. "Can’t you just undo it?"

"Great input, thank you." The flashdrive beeped softly and you shut everything down again. At least you were definitely sober now. "What are you, anyway, my babysitter?"

"Wouldn’t have to be if you could check in on time," he answered, checking the corridors, then nodding for you to follow.

"Time’s a social construct," you murmured, but followed him, the flashdrive hidden in your fist.

You didn’t even make it to the staircase.

"Didn’t I tell you?" a voice said right before several triggers clicked and you both froze. "I knew I’d recognized that arm. And who do you have with you here, Winter Soldier?"

No one, you thought, and then you yanked time backwards so forcefully you stumbled into the desk, your heart still racing. The copy sat at 57%.

You felt almost seasick with the rewind, but there wasn’t any time. "Keep going upstairs," you said into your earpiece.

"What?" Bucky said.

"I’m fine. Don’t come get me. Just keep going," you gritted through your teeth, trying to calm your breaths. 70%.

"Exit plan C, then," Sam said.

Bucky didn’t answer. You looked at your hands. There was a slight tremor to them, but nothing too bad. If you could get the nausea under control, you could probably make it past the cameras one more time.

You should’ve eaten more.

As soon as the flashdrive was done, you ripped it out and forced everything to a halt again. Your palms were sweaty as you hurried out of the office and in the direction of the staircase, your lungs burning. This didn’t feel like a good sign.

You stumbled over your damn heels and the noise returned for that moment you lost your concentration.

Not good enough.

Sweat pearled on your forehead as you and the universe held your breath again. You could feel your hold slipping with every second that wasn’t allowed to pass. Time was impatient with you.

A small crowd had assembled at the bottom of the stairs. As you closed in on them, you felt a jolt go through you and suddenly found yourself surrounded by people as time attempted to right itself again. Your nails dug into the skin of your palm so hard you could feel yourself draw blood.

It went quiet again and you moved through them, almost blindly. Everything seemed to be spinning.

Behind your shoulder, you could hear several people talking, interrupted only by the world stopping around them every now and then.

"—d’you—see that—"

"—could’ve—sworn there—”

And with time stumbling and flailing around in confusion, you made it out of the building and into the waiting cab.

chapter seven

thank you for reading!! you can follow my library blog @intrepidacious-fics for update notifications 💚

#time after time #nika <3 #i am not okay #i need to go to bed

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mitchywitchythings · 3 days ago

Note

Shoto with a s/o that takes care of their younger siblings, so much so that they call her mom instead of their actual mom and as Shoto visits her house more and more he sees they way they run to her and ask her for things and she takes care of them and one of them slips and calls her mom in front of him and he's just kinda shocked and confused on why the sibling did that and she explains that her parents really don't seem to care that they have kids and just kinda leave them to her. He also sees how she tries to balance school and her siblings and lets her just take a nap with him because he knows that she needs some sleep and is proud to have such a caring girlfriend. If you can't do that it's ok ❤️

How I Met Your Siblings

Summary: A summary of how Shoto Todoroki met your siblings and gave you a run for your money. It’s pretty chaotic but that’s expected when you have 3 other younger siblings who you take care of day and night without rest. The literal definition of mother.

Warning: Despite the siblings call you mom/mommy you are just their sister, Mentions of cheating but no actual cheating, angst with a happy ending, implied 18+ but nothing actually happened, OOC Todoroki? The cheating part doesn’t rlly make sense I just kinda rolled with it, prideful (Y/n)

Pairing: Todoroki Shoto X Fem! Reader

Word count: 12,000 words

A/n: Thank you to my first ever request!! The whole idea is so adorable and super fun to play around with! I loved writing this and NGL it wasn’t supposed to turn out as angst or this long, I just accidentally went overboard. ALSO IM SO SORRY FOR IT TAKING LITERAL YEARS TO WRITE! School had been holding me back for so long and my love life also punched me super hard in the gut and not to mention all of my personal problems.

1st Interaction: Todoroki Shoto meeting your siblings

“Hey, wanna come over to my house? I know you’ve been having a rough time over yours, with your dad being more pressuring with you after the sports festival?” I asked Shoto who was still keeping his books

Class had just finished, so it meant that it was time for everyone to go home. I stood at Shoto’s desk with my bag slung around my shoulder in a carefree manner. The windows to our classroom were open, letting the light from the orange sky pour into the room, a slight cold breeze was also carried in the wind, in this setting Shoto really looked pretty.

Looking up at me he spoke with a gentle smile, “Sure, thanks for your concern.”

We walked in comfortable silence to my house which was small in comparison to Shoto’s. But didn’t he didn’t know that because he had never visited my house before. While I only visited him once because his sister really wanted to meet me.

Unlike Shoto’s family… My family and I were in the middle class and they ran a hero support agency, building new gear to help heroes like Hawks and Miriko. You’d think they’d have a higher salary but unfortunately that wasn’t the case and so they work almost all day and night to earn money. Leaving me to care and fend for me and my siblings.

‘Honestly, they forgot they even have kids.’ I grumbled in my head. I sort of resented my parents a bit for that, work was always on their mind. And I didn’t blame them for that reason, I resented them because whenever they were home they didn’t seem to care for any of us.

No hello, goodnight, good morning, birthday greetings, or even congratulation on any special occasion. I could handle that, not my siblings though, I have 3 younger siblings, 2 boys and 1 sisters. All of them had unique talents and skills, all of which they wouldn’t have been able to achieve without my support. But still, I just supported them, they achieved it by themselves.

It hurts to see the disappointment and pain in my siblings' faces whenever our parents brush their talents and achievements off. And that’s why I chose to go to U.A. in the hero course. After I graduate I’ll be helping to pay and support whatever my siblings want.

That’s because my parents have to approve what kind of career we want to go into. And let’s just say, if my siblings wanted to have regular jobs like teachers, then my parents wouldn’t agree or pay for their college. And let's just say I didn’t want that for them. That’s why I need to earn lots of money and fast, for my siblings. And becoming a hero is the way to accomplish that goal, good thing that it’s my passion as well.

~~~

A sudden soft tune and vibration began coming out from my bag. I pulled out my phone, and looked at the dark screen with a picture of a young boy who had similar facial features to me. Seeing the caller ID, I didn’t hesitate to answer the call immediately.

“Hey, what’s up?” I asked, “Alright… Yes yes… Sure, not a problem… Anything else you need?… Alright then, love you too. I’ll be waiting for you back at the house and don’t take too long.”

“Who was that?” Shoto asked as his eyebrows furrowed in curiosity

“My younger brother, he said he’ll be coming home a bit late since his soccer practice is taking longer than expected. Also do you mind if we stop by a 7/11? He asked if I could buy him some onigiri.” I replied, putting my phone back into my bag.

“I don’t mind at all.” He replied in his usual monotone voice

“Thanks baby.” I gave him a kiss on the lips in surprise

“It’s no problem.” He smiled with a blush on his face, pulling me towards him by the waist.

And so we headed towards the direction of the nearest 7/11. Shoto had his arm wrapped around my waist in a very protective manner. Once we got to the 7/11, I began to go down the onigiri section, but I happened to pass by some instant soba noodles.

Knowing it was Shoto’s favorite food, I sneakily took it while he was looking at the slurpee machine in curiosity as if he hadn’t tried one once ever in his life, probably because of his father. After that I took some tuna mayo onigiri and other snacks that I knew my siblings would want and went up to the counter quickly before Shoto would offer to pay for it.

Mission successful! With a plastic bag in my hand, I waited for Shoto on one of the seats at the high table. Scrolling through my gallery, looking for pictures of my siblings. A sudden shadow towered over me, looking at my phone. Knowing who it was, I didn’t panic at all instead turning around to meet his gaze. I smiled and thanked him as he handed me a red colored slurpee, while in his other hand was a blue one.

”You never really mentioned anything about your siblings?” He questioned

I cooed adorably at that question, picturing my siblings in my mind, “Oh, you never asked plus, you don’t seem like you would hang out with kids unless you have to.”

“It’s not that I don’t like them.” He spoke bluntly

“Well then, not to worry. You’ll be meeting my siblings today.” I smiled at him, getting up and walking out of the store

“How about your parents?” Shoto trailed after me and headed off to my house.

I tensed up at his curiosity, “Well, I’ll see if they’re there. If so, I guess you could meet them.” Awkwardly sipping onto my slurpee while avoiding his gaze

He didn’t comment on my actions which I was very thankful for. We walked towards my home in an awkward silence after that, up until Shoto decided to break it. Asking if we could switch slurpees so that he could taste the flavor of mine.

I agreed to it and we switched up slurpees. Both of them tasted good, but I liked mine better. However unbeknownst to us, due to switching our slurpees. Our tongues that were supposedly red and blue, both turned violet. Something that would become very embarrassing later on.

~~~

We finally arrived at my house, it was a 2 story modern house. It looked really simple and cozy, Shoto noticed. Grabbing the keys out of my pocket and opening the door to my house, it was already around 5:30 PM. To my surprise both me and Shoto were greeted with a quiet house. We took off our shoes and headed towards the kitchen.

I was glad that my siblings weren’t causing any ruckus today but I was beginning to wonder where they were. We placed the plastic bag on the kitchen table and I stretched. Shoto had to go do a number 1, so he asked the direction of the bathroom. I told him the directions and waited for him on the living room couch.

“Hey guys, I’m home!” I yelled out, for the people upstairs to hear.

All Hell broke loose…

“Mom’s back home!!” Hikari my 6 year old sister came running down the stairs

“Hey wait up for me!” Hiroto my 8 year old brother tried to follow after her

“Don’t run down the stairs guys! You could trip and fall!” I yelled out, watching over them in concern.

My 2 siblings jumped into me and screamed out chants of ‘mom’s home’. I giggled along with them and had to pry myself off of them. Their hugs were like a vice grip, if I didn’t undergo any hero training I would have had a hard time pulling them off.

Directing them towards the counter, I pulled out their favorite snacks from the 7/11 plastic bag. Hiroto, the more introverted one out of all of us thanked me shyly with a hug while Hikari, the most extroverted among all of my siblings pulled me down to place a kiss on my cheek.

The door slammed open timingly to reveal my 12 year old brother with the exact same facial features as me except only more younger and boyish. At the same time, Shoto got out of the bathroom and entered the room who was still sipping on his blue slurpee. Only to meet Kaito who glared at him, while holding his soccer ball.

“Mom, who’s this?” He gritted his teeth, placing the soccer ball down to aim it at Shoto.

“Mom?” Shoto looked at you in wide eyes

“Kaito, stop that and I can explain everything to both of you.” I got up and ran towards them, standing in front of Shoto to shield him

“Kaito! Listen to what mom says!” Hiroto ran and tried to pull him away

“Kaito, stop being mean!” Hikari with tears in her eyes, cried comically

“Like Hell, I will! Who the Hell is this guy, with mom!” Kaito yelled, giving Shoto a full on death glare

Shoto was confused at your brother's actions, “I’m (N/n)’s boyfriend.” He spoke bluntly

“Mom’s boyfriend, like Hell will I allow that!” Kaito pushed off Hiroto and kicked the ball

All the while this was happening you yelled at him, “Kaito, that wasn’t nice! Apologize to Hiroto and c’mon please listen. He is my boyfriend and I love him very much! So please don’t kick the ball!”

I ran towards him to try to hold him back, while scolding him for pushing off Hiroto who luckily, landed on the couch with Hikari comforting him by hugging him from behind.

The soccer ball flew into the air with Kaito’s expert skills. Everyone’s eyes were glued onto the ball that was flying towards Shoto at lighting speed. I knew that I had no reason to worry for Shoto seeing as he’s very strong, but as his girlfriend and the person responsible for Kaito

I was worried for Shoto because I didn’t know what he’d think of me after this. Plus Kaito’s quirk was that he could control anything he touched for a period of time. This means that if you weren’t quick enough Shoto could very well get hit by the ball.

You activated your quirk, but Shoto was faster. He lifted his arm in front of him and aimed at the ball, which swerved to the left and with quick reflexes Shoto froze the ball completely, he bent down casually as though he hadn’t encased it in ice, he picked it up and began heating it up.

“HUH?!” Kaito yelled in shock, no one had been able to stop his soccer balls even with the use of their quirk except for me.

My siblings stared at Shoto for a minute in shock at what just happened until Hiroto recognized him, “Didn’t you place 2nd in the sports festival, just above mom who placed 3rd?”

“Yeah, yeah he is! He’s so cool with that fight with the green hair dude!” Hikari fangirled, running up to Shoto and hugging him by the leg.

“Ack- He’s the dude who literally obliterated his opponents…?” Kaito’s face became pale and he hid behind the couch

I sighed in irritation and walked towards him, “Kaito, that wasn’t nice. Apologize to Shoto then after Hiroto, now.” I said sternly

“Hah! Or else what?!” He replied in a shaky voice, trying to keep cool as he was a bit of a tsundere.

“Or else, I won’t give you your onigiri. And I’m not gonna tuck you in bed tonight.” He immediately stood up and walked in front of Shoto with an embarrassed and scared expression on his face.

“Mom, his face looks scary!” He whispered-yelled at me with a pleading face, asking for mercy.

“He’s not scary at all, Kai! He’s pretty handsome in fact, but pretty cold!” Hikari commented, while still clinging onto Shoto’s right leg

“Do it.” I replied back with a glare

“F-Fine… I-I” Taiko looked up to see Shoto staring at him a bit curious, “I’m sorry okay for trying to hit you with the soccer ball while using my quirk! But in my defense, you nor anyone will ever be good enough to be my mom/sister’s boyfriend!” He yelled, running behind the kitchen counter to shield himself from Shoto’s but mostly mine, gazes.

“That’s not what you're supposed to say!”

“Well what did you want me to say exactly?! Sorry for being an overprotective sibling and I approve of you dating-“ As Kaito went out of his hiding spot to storm towards you, he slipped and hit his head on the floor.

Shoto who stood in front of me trying to get me to calm down previously and tell me what my sibling did was okay and he was just being protective of me. I literally shoved him and ran to my sibling, placing his head on my lap and crying frantically. Looking over for any injuries or signs of concussion.

Shoto who stumbled back from me shoving him off, caught his balance and walked towards you. Activating his ice and inspecting the big bruise forming on my siblings head. There wasn’t any blood so that was good at least.

“An Angel…? No it's even better, mom?” He blinked, tears pouring down from his face from the pain.

“Yes! Are you alright?! Please stay awake, we need to make sure you don’t have any concussions! Shoto put your ice on him, please!” I cried frantically, not being able to keep my composure when it comes to my siblings.

“Did you and that guy?” He glared at Shoto though thankful for the icy cold hand on his bruise making it feel better, “Drink any slurpees, specifically red and blue?” He asked seriously

“Yes…? Why…?” My eyes widen in surprise and the tears stopped as well because of this

“I noticed them… And why are both your tongues violet?!”

Shoto stood silently with a blush while he watched me in slight amusement trying to explain why both our tongues were violet, “Huh?! It’s not what it looks like I swear! We just swapped-“

“Curse you peppermint candy! How dare you taint my mother! She’s still a virgin!”

“Kaito!” Me, Hikari, and Hiroto yelled in unison at him

“I’m glad.” Shoto added bluntly, making me dive my face into my hands in embarrassment

That was the first time Shoto had ever met my siblings and went to my house. After that, he began coming to my house more and more often. Finding himself liking it and feeling more comfortable there than in his own home.

2nd interaction: Todoroki Shoto meeting his s/o’s parents

Shoto was at my house again, this time he had already been here a few times before and met all of my family, except for my parents. Not until now.

Both my parents walked out of their office and walked past me and my siblings while Shoto was in the bathroom. They completely ignored us but in respect we greeted them politely. We were about to go out separate ways again had it not been for my siblings wanting their attention. It can’t be helped, children will always crave attention from their parents.

“Mother, look nee-san has a boyfriend and she brought him today.” Hikari said excitedly, trying to get a response from her biological mother

Notice how she said mother instead of mom. Hikari being the youngest one out of all of us, hasn’t really accepted that our parents don't really care for us. I mean we did try to hide it from her, shielding her from the harsh reality, but I think she’s starting to catch on.

“Is this true?” My mother gave me a questioning look

“Yes…” I looked away, trying to avoid everyone’s gazes

“Concentrate on becoming a hero and keeping the Family prestige, we’ve already begun to downgrade ever since the business wasn’t doing quite well with our competitors having more recent technology while ours has begun to downgrade. We simply don’t want you having any distractions which will lead to your downfall as well.” My father said sternly, looking at me intensely with tired eyes

“Who is this boy?” My mother questioned me crossing her arms in front of her chest

“I’m her boyfriend, it’s nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. (L/n).” Shoto suddenly stood besides me which startled everyone, he gave out his hand for my father to shake

My fathers eyes narrowed as he shook Shoto’s hands making my anxiety rise to the top, “(Y/n) never mentioned she had a boyfriend, how come we’re only hearing about this now? Also how’s your father doing with him being number 1 now, is he interested in some support gear?”

“Aren’t you, Todoroki Shoto? Son of Endeavor?” My mother pushed me aside to inspect Shoto

“Yes, miss.” Shoto replied, slightly uncomfortable at the mention of the number 1 hero.

“(Y/n), we approve of him.” My mother turned to look at me for a second then back to Shoto, “Does your father or his sidekicks need new gear? We’ll be giving out discounts since you're my daughter's boyfriend as long as you guys buy in bulk.”

“Mother, please. I think you’re making him uncomfortable.” I pleaded, trying to push my siblings out of the hallway and back into their rooms whilst trying to get Shoto out of the very uncomfortable situation.

“Nonsense, (Y/n). You should have introduced us to your boyfriend sooner.” My parents began giving Shoto more attention than me or my siblings had ever received in our entire life.

“We should have a formal dinner, getting to know each other. Todoroki, you should invite your family.” My father interjected

“We have a free schedule on this Thursday, there’s a new restaurant that opened near here. We should go there.” My parents began to overwhelm Shoto

‘Shit! What do I do?!’ I screamed watching my parents like hawks as they corner Shoto, who didn’t like the situation one bit but still held an unemotional expression. I could tell because of how his eyebrows were scrunched up and his eyes drifting towards mine, pleadingly.

“Mom, we got this.” Kaito, being the angel he was whispered to me

Relief overtook me as I ran and grabbed Shoto by the arm making a dash towards the front door, “Thanks, I owe you one.” I winked at them

Not a problem, Kai mouthed back. Walking towards his biological parents, ready to deal with their lecture and scolding. Internally I was super guilty and grateful to him, he always had my back and loyalty. All of my siblings do.

3rd interaction: Todoroki Shoto getting to know Hikari

“Nee~ Hikari, since your older sister is becoming a pro hero won’t that mean she’s going to leave you?” A girl who wore the same uniform as Hikari spoke out

“Mom becoming a pro hero is the coolest thing ever! But I know that she’ll ever leave me and my siblings, she just wouldn’t do that!” Hikara countered, not liking where the topic was going

“But Hikara, surely you know how busy pro heroes are and haven’t you heard your sister is aiming to rank in the top 10?” Another classmate of Hikara with blonde hair pushed Hikari a bit, trying to pull a reaction from her.

“Yeah, I know about it and I completely support her! But she’d never forget us! She’s our mommy!”

“Hey, how about this instead? To prove your sister isn’t gonna ever leave you, how about you and your sister come to my birthday party next week, this Saturday? She can also bring her classmates like Red Riot, Deku, and Froppy!” The blonde-haired kid shook Hikari harshly and cornered her into a nearby wall.

In fear Hikara began to stutter, voice breaking as her eyes began to gloss, “I-I don’t think that’s a g-good id-ea… I recall h-her saying how she’s g-gonna be really-… busy with her internship…!”

Turning on her quirk, the blonde kid got into a fighting position, “Look, I don’t care about that. Figure something out or else I’ll ruin your reputation and no one will want to be friends with you. I can assure you, you’ll be completely alone like a loser!”

“Stop it! You’re scaring me!” Hikara began to cry as she cowered into the corner wishing that her mom was there to comfort her.

“Look, she’s crying!”

“She’s going to go back crying to her sister!”

“Why’d you even call your sister mom again?!”

“That’s because her real mom doesn’t care for her!”

“You’re such a loser!”

“The only thing cool about you is your sister!”

“And you said you wanted to become a pro hero like your sister! Yet you can’t even defend yourself, how much more other people!”

The six girls began to circle Hikara like vultures about to pounce on their prey while they chanted words of insult towards Hikari. They activated their quirk and were about to use them when suddenly Shoto, who was heading towards the direction of your house, just happened to walk by what was happening.

He immediately recognized Hikara’s terrified voice and immediately intervened. Speaking sternly in a low and scary voice while glaring at the girls to get out, not before apologizing to Hikari. In response to Shoto’s scary face they jumped, apologizing to Hikari then running away from the scene.

“Stupid kids…” Shoto mumbled under his breath, “Are you alright? Do you have any injuries? Please stop crying. I've already dealt with your classmates.” Shoto grimaced, not really sure what to do about his girlfriend's crying sister.

“I was s-so scared!” The little girl ran into Shoto’s arms, hugging him in comfort

“Please calm down.” Kind of flustered at the situation, he awkwardly patted the girl on the head, hugging her back stiffly.

“T-Thank you, Todoroki…” Shoto’s heart warmed at that, your sister really was polite and adorable.

“No problem, if you ever need any help. I’m always here for your family.” He gave the girl a small smile as she began to finally calm down, “We should inform your sister about this as well, are you alright with that?”

“N-No… I don’t want mom to worry or have any more burdens…” Hikara tightened the hug

“You know you’re not a burden, especially towards your sister. I’m sure she’ll feel glad that you’re being open towards her.”

“Mom is taking care of us already, that’s more than enough. Please don’t tell her, I’m begging you.” She clutched onto his hand, giving him the best puppy eyes she could muster up.

“Alright, I respect your wishes. I won’t tell your sister but please try to be more open to her. What happened back there was really serious.” He sighed, slightly frustrated that he couldn’t tell you since it was about your sister whom he knew you cared greatly about

“It’s okay, it was my fault after all…”

Shoto doubted that, he couldn’t see everything that happened; he only got to the part where they ganged up on her, “How come?”

“They wanted me to bring mom and her friends to Misturi’s birthday next week. But I can’t because you guys have internships next week! So I told them about that and they didn’t like it! I’m sure I have no friends anymore and that I’m uninvited to her birthday!” The little girl huffed and began crying again

Shoto sighed at her explanation, “Listen, Hikari… None of it is your fault and based on what you just told me. None of them were your true friends to begin with. I guess they only like you because (Y/n) is becoming a hero. But that’s fine because not everyone is gonna like us or be nice to us. Some people use us for their own gain and that’s fine because we just have to distinguish those people and we’re also not alone. We have other people who’ll help us no matter what, the right person will come at the right time. And they won’t use us, they’ll stay by our side and those people are our real friends, and it doesn’t matter if those people are our family or outside of our family as regardless they’re our real friends and you can even consider them as your own family. Do you get me?” He hugged the little girl who reminded him so much of you as he gave a speech

“Hmm, I see… Thank you…” The girl hummed in response to Shoto’s little speech, “Can we still not tell my mommy about this though? She’s already stressed out as much as it is and I just want to forget about this. Can you p-promise me?” She sniffled as she held out her pink for him to take.

“… I promise.” Shoto didn’t like keeping secrets from you but she respected your sister's wish and so he’ll uphold it, “Hop on my back, I’m sure you’re tired so I’ll carry you home while you sleep.”

“Alright, thanks.” It didn’t took long before the child fell asleep on him

Walking back home, Shoto was slightly amused and worried about how frantic and panicked you looked when you realized your little sister hadn't returned home until you saw her fast asleep on Shoto’s back. The relief that flooded your eyes when you saw that she was safe and sound. Tears almost poured out even, you helped Shoto settle her onto her bed, to continue letting her sleep in peace.

“Thank you Shoto, I thought something had happened to her!” I cried into his arms the moment we stepped out of Hikari’s room, “I don’t know what I would’ve done!”

“Shh… It’s alright, nothing gonna happen while I’m here. I’m always here to help out and watch out for you and your siblings.”

“Thank you again, it really means a lot...”

“It’s no problem, I love you.” He kissed me

“I love you too.” I pulled him into the kiss even harder

4th interaction: Todoroki Shoto getting to know Hiroto

When Shoto had failed his provisional license and was forced to retake it along with Bakugo and the other students. Camie, the blonde girl from their competing school wouldn’t stop blabbering flirts left and right, specifically targeting Shoto.

Shoto being the dense bitch he is, never noticed a single thing. However, a certain Hiroto who was part of the class that Todoroki and the others were assigned to, noticed. And he was livid about how Todoroki didn’t really turn her down, but sometimes indulged in her questions.

Unbeknownst to Todoroki and the others that Hiroto was a part of this class, they continued to go on about their lives. Hiroto who usually never joined in on the class antics, because of how he was so introverted around his classmates. But his whole quiet nice guy personality did a full turn.

When it came to his mom, he’d do anything for her! And what Camie did, flirting with his mom’s boyfriend took things to a whole new level of personal. He was going to make her life a living Hell. Hiroto decided to keep his identity a secret in order to observe how Todoroki would handle the situation.

When Hiroto saw that Todoroki never really did anything, well you could say he wasn’t only pissed at Camie. He was going to do his best so that hero Shoto would not be able to receive his hero license and of course this revenge plan wouldn’t be complete if he didn’t include Camie. He had another devious plan for her…

“Hey, Todoroki! What’s your number?” Camie asked Todoroki right in front of the class they were supposed to correct their behavior.

“Why would you need it?” Shoto questioned in confusion

“Tsk!” Bakugo interrupted, immediately spotting Hiroto in the crowd of students but decided not to say anything.

It was easy enough for literally anyone to figure out that Hiroto was your sibling from looks alone since you looked exactly like him, just in the opposite gender. Hiroto was giving Shoto the death glare from all the way in the back of the class.

It was like bloodlust was pouring out of him, Hell even some of his classmates and including his teacher steered away from him. In fear of becoming the receiving end of his soon coming outrage.

‘Tsk, icy-hot good luck dealing with your girlfriend's brother, I respect the kid thought since the first time I met him. He’s definitely out for your blood.’ Bakugo thought proudly, looking at Hiroto with a smug smirk whilst the little boy continued to throw deadly death glares at the dual-haired boy. ‘Oh, this is gonna be so much fun.’

Time skip

Hiroto's quirk was the ability to control earth elements, mostly the ground but it would expand the more he develops. A very powerful quirk which he has yet to be able to control, he however was able to practice it a bit whenever you were home and not busy.

Those times were his favorite times with you since none of his other siblings would get to hog you to themselves since you’d be so busy tending to him.

So while Todoroki who was somehow dense enough not to notice the death glares being thrown at him from Hiroto. The usually behaved child (More behaved than the rest of his class) began to conspire and strategize with their class leader ways to make sure the heroes will bend to them.

Starting of with the chaos from the class, they began to use their quirks. And bully Shoto about being Five Wennies, a nickname Hiroto will definitely tell Kaito about so that they can bully him afterwards as well. Within the chaos Hiroto continued to hide and blend in with his classmates as to not be discovered. And he also made an agreement with his friends to do their best to make Camie fail.

When one of female children with brown hair tied in a ponytail started to have a crush on Five Wennies that’s when Hiroto turned his back on her. And they began fighting over who gets to date Five Winnies, her or his sister. Even though Hiroto was mad at Todoroki, he couldn’t help but feel inclined to defend him for his sister. The fight was a childish feud, had it not been for the fact they were both using quirks which could lead to someone getting seriously injured.

The teachers informed Shoto to take care of it, knowing the relationship of the kid and his girlfriend. Everything went ballistic between the two children so Shoto had to use his quirk to dissipate the fight and tension. Dark gray smoke covered the area and Shoto was still yet to discover that the one causing so much trouble was Hiroto. Multiple coughs rang through the air along with some groans and moans when the smoke finally dissipated everyone stared intently and anxiously about what was gonna happen next.

“Hiroto what are you doing?” Shoto asked in pure confusion at the boy

“Getting revenge!!” He yelled, quickly standing up and running at him

A large boulder hurled at Shoto, but having more experience in fighting than the child. It didn’t take much of his energy to stop it in its tracks with his ice. The dual haired boy was shocked and confused to say the least. Out of all your siblings, he expected Kaito to do something like this.

Hiroto ran around the iceberg and was exhausted at this point. There wasn’t much he could do before he’d pass out and Shoto knew it. The little boy had overused his quirk and this was the result of it. So quickly Shoto ran up to the boy as well, meeting him in the middle just in time before he fell to the ground.

He caught him in his arms and looked at him in worry, his eyes were barely open and a fever was forming. He knelt to the ground while still carrying the boy to make it easier for him. Hiroto was still fuming with hatred for the dual haired boy but was barely awake at this point. In his frustration, he did the only logical thing a kid would do. He cried, in fact threw a tantrum.

“How dare you!” The boy cried, punching Shoto weakly in the chest

“Hiroto calm down. You’re forming a fever and way too exhausted from overusing your quirk. Go to sleep.” Shoto spoke calmly but panicked on the inside

“No! You’re cheating on my sister! I hate you!” He barely croaked out with a shaky voice.

And with that Hiroto had finally succumbed to his fatigue. Slight tears formed at the corners of Shotos eyes at those words. He didn’t know why Hiroto thought he was cheating on (Y/n)! But it hurts like Hell to ever think of hurting (Y/n)! And the look on Hiroto’s face when he stared at Todoroki was one filled with resentment, a look that reminded Shoto the one he gives his father everyday. Never ever, would he think of physically or emotionally abusing anyone! Especially (Y/n), his own girlfriend! He’d rather die instead of becoming his father!

And so Shoto froze at that, his heart shattering as he realized that despite not cheating he had hurt Hiroto immensely, by something he didn’t even know what he did. Shoto traced back to his mind the memories of what he did within this day, had he forgotten to say I love you to you before he left? Had he accidentally insulted you with his blunt comments? What?! Just what was it?!

Unbeknownst to Shoto, Bakugo knew what the fuck was going on from the beginning as he knew what social clues were. And he was absolutely livid to think that one of his friends from the Bakusquad got kinda unintentionally cheated on, not really since there weren’t any intentions but it’s for the plot and I don’t know what else to do lol. And so Bakugo walked up to Shoto and punched him across the face. Luckily Shoto didn’t punch back or stumble as he still had Hiroto in his arm and instead glared at him, furious why he suddenly did that.

“Icy-hot, that bitch Camie flirted with you and you didn’t even realize that. You even engaged in it without realizing it, are you that fucking dense?!” Bakugo yelled

“Damn it. I didn’t…” Shoto replied honestly while placing his right hand on Hiroto’s forehead activating it and effectively bringing his ever growing fever down

“Then take the fucking hint and fix up your shit. I’m not going to help (Y/n) if she ever comes crying to me about this. You’re in deep shit.” The blonde boy growled

Time skip

Todoroki got his shit together and finished their retake successfully and avoided Camie at all cost this time like she was the plague but by this time she didn’t care as she had already scored his phone number and was in belief that she had a shot with him despite him already telling her he’s dating the most prettiest girl in the world. Apparently in her words and eyes which kept roaming around his body, making him extremely uncomfortable, that his little girlfriend didn’t need to know anything if only he kept his mouth sealed which he quickly shut down again.

Bakugo’s words of threat never left his mind, he knew that the boy was just looking out for you as you were a part of the Bakusquad and still his classmate as well. Shoto was anxious and scared shitless of what was going to happen next as he waited in the infirmary for your little brother to wake up, never leaving his side once. It didn’t take much longer before Hiroto finally awoke and saw Shoto sitting in a chair waiting for him with great anticipation. His right leg bouncing up and down in a fast rhythm to an unknown song.

“I don’t want you here, get out you cheater!” Hiroto yelled with a scratchy voice

“Listen, I can explain-“ Shoto began but was cut out

“I don’t want to hear any of your pathetic excuses! You knew how much we trusted you yet you cheated! You liar!”

“I won’t leave until you listen and you can’t make me leave.” Shoto replied calmly, his emotions more stable than earlier having already thought the situation through.

“Ack-!” The little boy groaned as he was unable to his his quirk now that he’s over used it, “Fine, I’m giving you 2 minutes tops. Don’t make me regret it.” He finished, growling slightly

“I didn’t grow up with the best figures in my life and because of that I lack the necessary social skills.”

“Yeah, and what about us? You see my parents caring about me and mom or even my siblings?” Hiroto was beginning to sound more and more like Kaito rather than himself

“I have a sister too, but unlike (Y/n), my sister Fuyumi wasn’t as successful as bringing our family together. It means I didn’t have a sister teaching me what’s right or wrong, I hadn’t realized that Camie was flirting with me and that I engaged with it. I only thought about it as her asking questions to be more knowledgeable about us. I was wrong and I realize that now. I should have told her that I was dating (Y/n). I’ve already talked about it to Camie and set her straight, although I haven’t talked about it to your sister.”

“Fine. You’re excused but this is the only time you get a get out of jail free card. And don’t think we’re immediately buddies now, you’ve got to earn my trust now that you’ve broken it.” The little boy growled at him

“I’ll be sure to do my best to earn it back.” Shoto replied with the most apologetic tone he could muster up, “And don’t worry I’ll be sure to tell your sister the truth.” He grimaced, worried about your reaction and if he had put your relationship in danger.

“You’re such a dumbass and asshole, Icy-hot. She’s sensitive about those, one word about it and she’s dumping you. I’m not even sure if you’ll be able to explain yourself.” Bakugo said as he strode in the room.

“Watch your language, Hiroto is still a child and I won’t tolerate you saying those in front of him.” Shoto growled at Bakugo, glaring at him and warning him not to do it again.

The said boy only scoffed in response, “Tch. Whatever.”

“It’s fine… But I also have to say that I agree with what Bakugo-san said, you see my sister is fearful about anything related to cheating.” Hiroto added, looking down in his lap worried for his mom.

“What do you mean?” Shoto questioned as far as he was concerned he was your first boyfriend and you never had much experience in the dating community.

“That bitch didn’t tell you as well, great just fucking great.” Bakugo rolled his eyes, “The only thing I know is that she had this thing with a guy but they were never able to get together as another girl came into the picture. Ever since that she’s been sensitive about that shit.” Bakugo huffed in annoyance.

“I see…” Shoto responded quietly, not really sure what to do with this information, “I don’t want to keep this from her but if what happened earlier hurts her then I’d rather keep it to myself.” Unconsciously Shoto gaslighted himself into believing it was fine to not tell his girlfriend he accidentally flirted with another girl.

“I’d rather keep my moms mental health standing strong.”

“Tch. Whatever.” Just as quickly as he entered, the blonde boy left the room promptly, silence following him.

“Hiroto, get some rest. I'm taking you back home in a while.” Shoto spoke, breaking the silence of the room and pushing the boy's shoulder back into the bed.

“Hey, uhh…” Hiroto began shyly earning a hum from the dual haired boy, “Treat my mom right, okay? We love her a lot and I’m giving you my trust on this”

“Of course, I never want to hurt your sister. I love her as well.” Shoto smiled gently, “Now sleep, you’re sister is worried about you.”

After that interaction, Shoto went out of the room for a bit to call his girlfriend to let her know that her brother was in the infirmary but is currently doing fine. He knew that you over worry about your siblings all the time even for the smallest of reasons, one of the things he loves about you.

But still in his heart, he’s guilty and feels absolute remorse about what happened. All he can think about is that it’s all his fault for being dense. Not being able to express his emotions well or tell what other people’s thoughts, emotions, and emotions are when it comes to love. In these times is where he truly renounces and feels hatred for his father and his doings. In these times he wished he never had a quirk to begin with, he’d rather be poor and quirkless than be born to a monster who disguises himself as a hero.

Ring…

Ring… Ring…

Ring… Ring… Ring…

With each ring Shoto’s anxiety and guilt rose up but being known for concealing his feelings and being unemotional it wasn’t hard at all to hide all of that guilt. Though it still ate him up, and it would be only a matter of time until he breaks or perhaps someone else does the break or better yet spilling some information on him to his beloved girlfriend.

“Hey Shoto! Are you done with your retest already? You should come over to my place. I'm making dinner and it’s cold soba, your favorite!” The girl cheered happily

“Hey, (Y/n)… Thanks, I'd like that a lot…” His heart cracked at the thought of you making him his favorite good for dinner, proving to him just how much you love him while he went behind your back.

“Is there anything wrong? You don’t really sound like yourself?” You questioned in worry, ready to do whatever it takes to help him feel better.

“At my retest… we were supposed to reform a class as the students were out of control but it turns out that class was Hiroto’s. He got in a fight with his classmate which resulted in him overusing his quirk and fainting.” He said almost breaking down from the guilt, in his mind the only thought that was running was that he was turning into his father for hurting someone he loved.

“WHAT!?! Why didn’t you inform me earlier! Is he alright! What exactly happened! Nevermind! I’m heading there instead, I’ll meet you in 5-10 minutes! By-“

He wiped a tear off his face and pulled himself together, clearing his throat he put an unemotional expression on with quite difficulty, “(Y/n), love.” Shoto said in his most calm and sincere voice hoping that it sounded as real as possible, it ultimately resulted in making you calm down as well and bring out your rational side, further pulling at Shotos heart how much he had an effect on you.

“Ack- Shoto…” I start to tear up, unable to understand why my brother had to go through that, “My brother he’s a good kid, he has never gotten into any fights before or-“ My emotions become overflowed and overwhelming that I just sobbed hysterically, “God! What kind of sister am I if I can’t keep an eye on my own siblings! I’m such a failure.”

At this point Shoto’s guilt had eaten him up so much that he was going to explain everything from Camie down to Hiroto arriving at the clinic. But in the back of his mind, he was reminded of Bakugo’s and Hiroto’s. Of how if he tried to tell you what happened, more specifically about him flirting with another woman no matter how unintentional it may have been, would result in his ass getting dumped. He in fact didn’t want his ass getting dumped so he did the most stupid thing he ever did in his life, and that was not listening to his gut instinct.

“Love, he’s alright and don’t worry you’re doing the best you can do and it’s more than enough. It isn't your fault at all, alright? I believe that your brother just got into some disagreement with his classmate about you. He just wanted to defend your name so once he gets home don’t lecture or get mad at him. Okay? And don’t worry I’ll be the one to bring him to you so just prepare dinner, we’ll be there on time.” Shoto said in his sweetest voice he could muster, bullet swears running down his face in anxiousness.

To Shoto, it felt like this was his most dangerous mission he’s ever taken and will ever take and that one wrong word would ruin it all.

“I-I… Alright, I’m just worried about him, you know? Thank you, baby. I’ll wait for you guys.” He could hear you wiping away your tears but your voice still continued to crack but despite that you pushed through and smiled gratefully at him through the phone.

Shoto smiled, thanking the heavens that he managed to not get his ass dumped today. But let’s just see how long he’ll keep this secret up, because as we all know the truth always comes out one way or another…

That night he brought Hiroto back home to you on his back, like what happened with Hikara. It gave him deja vu when he saw you fussing over Hiroto to make sure he wasn't harmed in any way, all the while profusely bowing down and thanking your boyfriend for taking care of your sibling.

Though his heart shattered at the thought of hurting you and not being able to apologize for it. For fear of losing you for the rest of his life. It scared him shitless. People came and left his life, but of all people he just couldn’t let you go. You're his first girlfriend, his first love! You’ve already left a mark in his life and no matter what he does it won’t ever change. He felt so selfish, he loathed the feeling. A part of him wanted you to choose someone better, someone who isn’t as dense as him, someone who didn’t have a lot of emotional baggage, someone who didn’t have a big ugly scar on their face…

But despite feeling all that self loathing, no matter what, he’d do anything to make you not leave him. He’d hate himself even more. His love for you was for eternity. It’s completely endless! So please! Don’t go and leave him and take his heart with you! He’s been through Hell and back through his entire life, so please just… Don’t leave…

In these moments, Shoto felt like he was exactly like his father. He hurt the ones he loved and didn’t apologize for it. His heart cried internally, but outside he kept a poker face, it was one of the things in life he was great at since a very young age. He learned to separate his inner turmoil with his emotions and with time he got so great at it.

Shoto after that began to gaslight himself into believing that what he did was right, and that he was just over thinking things, in truth he could bare the pain in his heart for hurting you, if he didn’t he would have rather stabbed his heart for daring to even hurt you, he was supposed to protect you. He promised that much to your siblings and to think he believed that he was a man of his words.

Look at him now… Turning back on those who he loves and loves him. God… He was his fathers son after all, perhaps he was just as arrogant as that tyrant, perhaps he abused those around him without even realizing it. It felt like all the progress he had made led him back to where he was at the sports festival right before finally Midoriya snapped him into reality with your help of course.

A hopeless boy, a boy filled with hatred, a boy who despite having everything at the touch of his fingertips was never truly happy… Shoto began to lie to himself that evening when he gave you a big and tight hug and pulled you into an unexpected but not unwelcome kiss, one that he poured all his passion into.

That night Shoto began to whisper sweet words into your ears nonstop and began to be more open of his love to you. It was weird of course, Shoto was never the open type to be so open about being affectionate. This was the first time he was really being affectionate, making you wonder what happened but you decided to keep your mouth shut wanting to enjoy the moment and attention since you guys did something that only you guys should know about as you both enjoyed a fiery passionate night. Something you’d regret in the future.

5th interaction: Todoroki Shoto getting to know Kaito

A few weeks after that night had passed and Shoto had already forgotten about the Camie incident but still he was trying his best to make it up to you, giving you surprise gifts and being more open and affectionate. Something you took gladly without hesitation, not questioning it’s his true intentions. Shoto walked into your house and was looking for you, for your date.

You told him you were home and to just let himself in through text, your last message being around 8-10 minutes ago. As Shoto began to search where you were in the house, it never occurred to him you could have been taking a shower and that you were that’s why when he knocked the door and no one responded, he immediately assumed you were there. Not being all to hear the running water from the shower.

He gave up and assumed that maybe you were talking and hanging out with your siblings in their rooms so he first went to Hikari’s, then Hiroto’s, and lastly Kaito. Kaito who was still going through puberty had a very high voice, somewhat similar to yours making him think that it was your whimper he heard coming from the room.

He knocked 3 times politely on the door, “W-Wait-!”

It was too late and Shoto had already opened the door. Kaito was on the floor in front of his bed in a arms wrapped around his knees in a cradling position, looking at a piece of crumpled paper resembling that of a card in dispiritedness.

“You’re not supposed to be here, get out…!” Kaito’s voice cracked, he was still crying, yelling out in frustration at Shoto.

“What’s wrong?” Shoto asked, disregarding Kaito’s initial words

“Get out…!” Kaito yelled and wanted to literally push Shoto out of his room himself but he didn’t have the energy to do that so he scoffed and rolled his eyes at his moms boyfriend, “… Tsk… Whatever just don’t tell anyone else what you saw, especially mommy.”

“Why not?” Shoto asked calmly

“Because they don’t deserve this!” Kaito burst out crying once again.

Shoto felt guilty for not leaving the room in the first place, disrespecting Kaito’s privacy but in the end Shoto recall you saying to him multiple times that your siblings meant the world to you and if anything bad were to happen to them, you wouldn’t know what to do.

And it seemed like something bad did happen so Shoto would need to rely on his hero instincts to get him through this mission seeing as his Emotional intelligence wasn’t as high as his intellectual intelligence.

Sitting down next to the boy Shoto asked paitently and calmly, “It’s alright, you can vent to me if you want and I promise I won’t tell your sis- your mom.”

Kaito groaned and sighed in defeat, “Fine, if you do I’ll make my mom hate you.” His threat was real and filled with malice

“I promise.” Shoto patted his back in comfort

“I-I… I’m going back…” Kaito swallowed his pride and a single year was shed, “A grade. I failed in a single subject so now I’m being held back… I-It’s just not fair! I studied! I r-really did! But I failed! I’m such a disappointment! A bad kid!” Kaito yelled out hysterically and wrapped his arms even tighter around his legs.

Shoto gulped and tried to remember what his mom did to him as a kid to comfort him whenever his dad hurt him with all those harsh training. He scooted even closer to Kaito and hugged him, Shoto was stiff of course but he was doing his best by saying that it’s alright and there wasn’t any need to cry over it and going a grade isn’t a big deal. And no one is disappointed in him, he did his best and that’s all that should matter.

After a while Kaito finally seemed to calm down and was actually appreciative of what his moms boyfriend did for him.

“I guess, you’re not so bad after all…” Kaito whispered to himself

6th interaction: Todoroki Shoto and his s/o breaking up and getting back together with the help of his s/o’s siblings

We were at the (L/n) household, Shoto was upstairs playing ang keeping all my siblings entertained while I was downstairs making us all snacks. It was late in the afternoon when I heard a phone vibrate in my pocket. Instinctively I grabbed it and unlocked it only to realize it wasn’t my phone, Shoto and I must’ve switched accidentally. I laughed slightly at the realization until I saw the notification that popped up. It was a text message and I knew it was wrong to invade Shotos privacy but before he didn’t mind me using his phone without his permission until recently which made me a bit suspicious.

Unknown: Hey Shoto! Are you still up for it? Your girlfriend doesn’t need to know after all🙈👀

Shoto: Sorry, your contact isn’t saved. Who is this?

Unknown: Silly boy! Good thing that you’re hot!!🥵 It’s Camie!! Remember the girl from the retake for the hero license?

My eyes widened in panic and fear as she I remembered exactly who she was.

Shoto: Of course, what is it that you want?

Camie: I was wondering if you’re still up to sneaking in my dorm tonight, my bed feels empty babe😭💔

Camie: *Sends a risky photo of herself*

Shoto: *Seen*

Shoto: Fuck you and your ugly ass!! I never want to see you ever again so get lost bitch!!! Be a home wrecker to someone else’s relationship and btw good luck when these photos get out😈

Camie: *Seen*

I dropped the phone on the counter and immediately started fuming, trying my best to stay calm as I immediately picked it up and screenshotted the conversation and sent it to my own phone through email so Shoto wouldn’t have noticed. It hurt so damn but I was angry too, so angry at Camie that at that moment I only wanted revenge. I thought that I didn’t have the heart to send out her photos but damn was it tempting right about now. But of course, I was a hero in training, I wouldn’t actually do it.

I calmed myself down and that’s when I remember that it takes two to tango. And I was livid at him right now but I also couldn’t bear the thought of losing him or hurting him, I loved him too much too. To dedicate yourself to someone only to find out that they were cheating on you behind your back with the same girl as all those years ago. And what’s even worse was to give yourself to that person, only then did tears begin to pool my eyes.

Old insecurities and bottled up feelings came pouring out of me and the next thing I knew was that I was sobbing quietly on my knees since my siblings were distracted watching a movie on the TV loudly. Only then is when Shoto came running down worriedly as if he had this instinct to know if I was in trouble. He headed towards me with my siblings following suit once they heard him come down and that’s when they saw me crying. Shoto was panicked and confused as to why I was like this and was about to hug me in comfort whenhis eyes landed on the phone on the counter and he realized that the inevitable finally happened, the truth got out.

“(Y/n), please believe me it’s not what it looks like!” Shoto begged

“Everyone except Shoto, I want you up right now and blasting music in your rooms. Understand?!” I yelled through tears and demanded for my siblings to head upstairs, embarrassed to have been caught by them when I was breaking down.

They complied immediately and ran back upstairs to their rooms and Shoto walked towards me carefully and hesitantly as if one wrong move would make me disappear.

“Shoto! Why?! How could you do this to me!!” I screamed through stutters as my voice cracked

This was the first fight we ever had and also the first time I ever yelled at him, “(Y/n) please let me explain! I’m begging you!! I can’t lose you!!” The usually calm and collected boy was gone in an instant, replaced by a desperate man

“I think everything has already been explained! Out!! I want you out of here!! And we’re over, I never want to see your face ever again!!” I yelled at him through tears

Before he could say anything but internally his heart and brain was screaming at his to do something. I grabbed his phone and pushed it onto his chest and grabbed my phone from him while dragging his ass outside and locking the door behind me.

“If you ever thought you could disrespect me like that! Think again Todoroki! So that’s why you’ve been acting strange these days!! Was that all I was too you? Some girl you could use as a body in your bed? Is this why you’ve been giving me so much attention recently? Cuz you can’t handle the guilt of fucking her!!! Am I a joke to you!! Did you really fuck her then me?! I bet you’re happy now and break to leave me now that you’ve had your fill!! Why couldn’t you keep it in your own pants!!” I yelled behind the door so quickly that he couldn’t interject and explain

“NO- love please don’t call me by my last name, it me Shoto.“ His voice boomed in desperation as his tears threatened to fall down his eyes, “(Y/n) you aren’t a joke to me and I highly respect you!! So please believe me when I say I didn’t cheat on you! You have to believe me! And you aren’t just someone I sleep with, you’re my girlfriend for crying out loud! I love you so much, I didn't use your body for anything, you have my word!”

“Love? You forfeit all right to my heart when you decide to cheat so how can I believe you? When the truth is staring right in front of me!? And wow Shoto you really know how to hurt me, of all people that’s the girl who you choose her! The girl who I was replaced with!” I sobbed even more at that

Shoto's heart felt like it was being stabbed and broken into a million shards of her words, “(Y/n)! God! Please listen to me, there is nothing that happened between us!!”

“Shoto do you even realize your actions doesn’t reflect your words? You slept with me only a few months ago right as the same time you started acting weirdly too affectionate, it adds up Todoroki!”

“(Y/n)! Please listen to my explanation and don’t open the door!! Just please! Nothing happened between me and her, it’s only you. It’s always only been you! I’m so stupid and I’m so sorry for everything!! This is all my fault!!”

“Oh! I made sure of that, good luck getting back with that homewrecker when all of this is over. You know, I hope you guys are soooo happy cuz whatever comes around goes around. I hope you know that Camie also sleeps with other guys on the weekends and that you’re just one of her playthings!! You know what I regret it all!!” I fell silent immediately though at his desperate choked scream

“No!!! Don’t say that, don’t say you regret it! Please I love you so much, that it hurts!! Please don’t regret anything, don’t regret loving me or giving yourself to me! I'm so so sorry!! (Y/N)!! Can’t you understand!!?? I love you and only you!! I never went to Camie or anything like that!! It’s still my fault though!! At the retest she kept flirting with me but- but I was so dense that I didn’t notice it and so when she asked for my number she gave it to me! After I realized what she was looking for I immediately shut it down but she wouldn’t listen and she wouldn’t take no for an answer even when I told her I had the best girlfriend in the world!! So please I’m really sorry (Y/n), I am begging you to believe me because I can’t live in a world without you in it!! My heart feels like it’s breaking into a million pieces just seeing you cry and even worst knowing that it’s my fault. I know I’m selfish!! But please. I don’t have anything else to look forward to in this life without you!! Before I met you life was dull and I was only trying to get through each day. I had never smiled or laughed so when I met you, you gave me happiness and unlocked a hidden part of myself that I didn’t know was buried!!” Shoto bawled his eyes out and served his raw and fragile heart to me as his emotions were borderline unstable, his emotions hugging high and wild

For some reason, my pride wouldn’t allow to see anything but red, “Run back to her then if you need some company!!” I was too angry to listen to reason, the feeling of betrayal and heartbreak overcoming anything else

“You’re so damn stubborn! But listen to me because you’re not hearing what I said! Becoming a hero is my dream no doubt and my goal but what’s the point if at the end of the day, all I’m fighting for is nothing. No laughter to return back home with, no delicious meals to look forward to, and even your siblings I love them all.” One could hear the desperation in his voice as he cried out

“Don’t bring my siblings into this… Why? Why then did you not tell me?” My voice was dry and weak from all the crying

“(Y/n)… We thought it was for the best that you didn’t know since you’re so sensitive to those kinds of topics. We just wanted to protect you…” He flinched

“We? Who the hell is we?”

“Me, Hiroto, and Bakugo…”

“You let a child decide? My brother especially? That seems like such a power dynamic. Thanks for informing me, I’ll get the real truth from him then. But aside from that, it wasn’t your decision to make! It wasn’t any of your decisions to make! I deserved to know the truth!! If that even is the truth!”

Shoto pounded on the door with his head, “It’s the truth! I swear to God it’s the truth so please (Y/n), just let me in! We can figure this out together, just- You need to trust me.” He was way too disheveled

I ignored him and from behind me all of my siblings who appeared of nowhere to hug me, “Guys… I’m so sorry you had to see me like this. Don’t worry, I’m strong.” Then I turned to Hiroto who was desperately clinging onto me, “Hiroto, please stay out of decisions like that. Understand?”

Tears welled up in the boys eyes, “Mom… I-I I’m so sorry! It’s not his fault it’s mine! I promise you, he’s telling the truth!! So please blame me, not him!!” The child wailed, tears finally broke down from his face as he kept pulling at me

“Hiroto. None of this is your fault, do you understand. Just please next time, let Todoroki deal with his own mistakes. He’s a big boy now.” I tried my best to calm him down, rubbing his back and whispering comforting words

“Mom.” Kaito spoke from behind me and rubbed my back as well in comfort, “Just get some closure and talk to him. Properly this time, no yelling just listen to his side of the story.”

“Kaito… It’s not that sim-“ I was cut off unfortunately by Hikari who jumped from behind me and hugged me tightly, crying her eyes out as well

“Talk to dad!!” She begged me to

“Dad?!” My eyes widened at the realization she called Shoto dad

My heart broke at their reactions and I knew that they were right but I didn’t want to let down my own pride but then again my siblings were the only people who could ever change my mind, I had to confront him one more time and actually resolve this issue but that didn’t make it any easier, “I-I… Fine… I’ll do it.” I got up and opened the door and walked out still hoping that he was still there waiting

I put a brave front and hardened myself and my emotions. I knew that despite Shoto being sorry for what he had done, my jealousy, insecurities and pride got the best of me and I couldn’t exactly control myself. On the steps connecting the house to the ground was where Shoto sat, who dove his face into the palms of his hands, still crying and broken over the breakup.

“Shoto. I’m out here to talk to you as per the request of my siblings so I suggest you don’t waste this opportunity.” I glared at him from behind with tears in my eyes

He turned around and before I could react he lunged at me with a hug and picked me up while stuttering out words of apologies, “I won’t d-do it again! I’m so s-o so s-sorry!! Please take me back! I swear I didn’t do anything with her, I was too dense to realize her asking for my number was her way of flirting with me! I never used yoh for your body or anything, I love you genuinely because you’re you!!” In front of me wasn’t future Pro Hero Shoto but just Shoto who was genuinely sorry for what he had done

My stone cold heart melted at his apology and the way he cried to me made me just want to hug him back and forgive him so I did just that, “I-I forgive you. I’m also at fault here for not telling you how sensitive I am to those topics and for also over reacting too much without actually listening to you.” I wailed in his arms as I finally hugged him back, “I was just so hurt and scared that you’ll run off to Camie cuz she also stole my ex-crush while he was trying to court me so I thought that she’d also be able to steal you from me. I didn’t want that but I instead pushed you away with my anger and everything went downhill!!” It felt good to release the truth, my shoulder felt light as well as my heart.

“I-I had no idea… it okay too, it honestly was my fault, I shouldn’t have even entertained her.” Shoto got on both of his knees and looked down in shame, “I’m so grateful that you’re taking me back but I feel like I didn’t apologize enough, I’ll do my best to make it up to you. I promise you that.”

I gave him and bittersweet smile and pulled him up, “It’s okay, I know you’re kinda dense, sorry. But yeah, you didn’t mean to do it. And I’m sure you were scared for my reaction about finding out about what happened and just wanted to protect me. Shoto, I forgive you so please stop blaming yourself.” I kissed him right after to which he immediately kissed back.

“I love you, you don’t even know how much but I love you with all my heart.” Shoto brushed my hair with his hands

“I love you too, to the moon and back” I kissed him once again

7th interaction: Todoroki Shoto realizing it’s time for a new beginning to start

On a peaceful Saturday morning, around 4 PM. The sky looked bright with barely any cloud covering up the sun, on days like these Shoto felt grateful for. With all the troubles he and his precious girlfriend went through over their years in U.A. they finally reached their end. Their final stage before becoming fully fledged heroes. And because of that, their school work had been piling up with no end.

You would’ve gotten it done easily the moment they were given but you were juggling and multitasking from focusing on your studies, hero training, and taking care of your siblings. So Shoto decided to just give you the break you deserve by hauling you over his shoulders and walking in the direction of his dorm room. All the while your siblings, who you snuck in the dorms following behind the both of you, giggling and making jokes about your dark eye bags which you responded by throwing a slipper in their direction but purposely missing. Shoto laid you on his futon and just ordered you to sleep much to your protest, but when your siblings jumped in as well and cuddled up to you to sleep, you decided that a couple hours of getting some sleep would be a really helpful recharge.

In the beginning of their relationship it was sweet and puppy love but throughout the passing time and harsh trials they were put in, especially with the third party incident back in their first year. It made his relationship with (Y/n) even stronger than before, making them try to understand each other and not just directly come to conclusions when a problem arises. It also made them more open to each other since, wanting nothing more than to never feel that sort of heartbreak ever again.

Looking around in his dorm room that had changed a lot throughout the 3 years his been in U.A. There were the 4 (L/n) siblings sleeping peacefully on his futon. Had you told him this was the sight he’d find himself in back in his first year when he was going through his rebellious phase he would’ve laughed at you. But now he couldn’t be more grateful of the sight as he secretly hid a small box with a ring in it in his underwear drawer that he had kept for years now, just waiting for the perfect moment to hand it to you. As he knew from the beginning he started dating you, you’d be his first, last, and only lover he’d have for the rest of his life. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

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