#im still going through it but like. YEAH
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im finding the writing recently for characters and story arcs has been so much more compelling and i think it's largely in part because HYV has realised how fucking annoying paimon is and had her back off a little and are giving other characters space to interact with the traveller and each other and just pan themselves out naturally without dora the fucking explorer there mansplaining everything to the reader in a way thats eighteen times as convoluted as it should be
#like? navia i love you so much#shes normally not a character id be interested in but because its not paimon talking over everyone half the time im actually taking the tim#to read the dialogue and get invested#and shes so interesting and cool#and i love her dynamic with melus and silver i love her story#im still going through it but like. YEAH#i dont care much for her in like a comfort character way but shes an interesting and satisfying character to watch pan out and interact#with the world around her. to me#genshin spoilers#fontaine spoilers#general barks
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Random update sorry everything is taking so long. I've paused Patreon and I'm working on various things, but some people have started to express concern for my safety/living status so just letting you know I am alive!
#between my divorce and moving and the fires closing the webtoon office#its just been a lot!#also im saying divorce even though we werent married#cause after 11 years 'breakup' doesnt quite cover it#he grew up with my family we saw him as a son and a brother so my whole family is very upset#meanwhile his mom pretended to forget my sisters name when she went over there to get me some of my stuff...#extremely upsetting#but it is what it is i am absolutely better off it just suuuuuucks!#got a therapist and shes nice and im like. lmfao. im like halfway through four episodes?#i keep doing lines and then getting overwhelmed an going to work on a different episode#so i am working im just not. finishing stuff...#justifying it in my brain like well this is work that has to get done at some point so as long as im doing SOMETHING#who cares what order it gets done in#so. working on it. im never gonna take on this much work again lmfao i fucked myself over majorly#i want all of these things done still#just gotta let myself do things uh.. one at a time.#not 5 at a time#cause then 5 things are getting done slowly and stressfully#which is just way worse#anyways. yeah im alive don't worry about me#just emotional and busy so im not drawing#delete later
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you ask the most superstitious men with attachment issues to the comfort of worn equipment what their oldest piece of equipment is and sometimes you get "im not a weirdo like that" sometimes you get "i still use a girdle"
naturally maffhew could not be a part of this because well you know...
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#aleksander barkov#sam bennett#adam boqvist#jesper boqvist#jonah gadjovich#aj greer#spencer knight#anton lundell#eetu luostarinen#niko mikkola#evan rodrigues#mackie samoskevich#nate schmidt#carter verhaeghe#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#2425#once again. the ghost of symphony frobby haunts us all.#i do also have to mention maffhew bio jock in training#babys first crime against humanity (rank jock)#i didnt realise benny used a girdle until he said it and i went no yeah now i notice it#“i used to be more strict about gear” sasha arent you still one of the only handful of players who dont use interchangeable blades#“but now i just like whatever and im going to get used to it” this sounds like hes talking himself through exposure therapy#all the finns sans sasha still having a piece of equipment from when they played in liiga#the sentimentality...#yeah mikksy changed out his pads he had such cute turquoise trim ones i adored them :(#roddy saying “im not weird like that” is SO FUCKING RICH#swaggy having 12 year old shoulder pads this isnt a competition but congrats youre not beating your built like an accountant allegations#not changing them at all... since he was 17...#no one needs to know how old that jock is maffhew thats why he wasnt asked
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Reworking my neurodivergent Fuuta post because I had more to add and wanted it in one place 👍It started out just silly thoughts and projection but I have a lot of evidence now??? It feels pretty solid!
🔴 He holds to an overwhelming sense of right, wrong, rules, justice, etc. It’s a system that makes sense to him (you learn to apologize before anything else, right?) and he’s obsessed with it. He's an extreme rule follower. He's obviously careful so he's not called out online, but even inside Milgram. He follows Es' orders naturally. Even though they’re silly, in the minigrams he’s repeatedly reminding people of the rules about requesting items. Even though he'd been shown to voice thoughts about escaping, he refuses, and is too much of a stickler that he won’t even let other people request things considered dangerous.
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🔴 He takes things very literally, most notably some of the interrogation questions. In both his vds he’s pretty particular about describing his involvement, taking a long time to admit he could be a killer because his situation falls pretty far out of its normal definition.
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🔴 He’s shown to be intensely lonely: sitting alone, walking alone, watching others from the outskirts, but thriving online where the social rules are different. He has trouble identifying/defining friendships, choosing to focus on the sharing of interests and excitement.
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🔴 However, he does find a group that accepts him and listens to him -- and that feeling of belonging becomes intoxicating. The typical “gets a taste of doing something correctly but then gets carried away and crosses a line in excitement”
🔴 He doesn’t think hard work can get him anywhere in society, he doesn’t have any goals, he struggles at school, he wants to just go with the flow -- aka, burnout from trying so hard in a society that isn’t made to accommodate you. Instead of focusing on that, he loses himself in fictional worlds of heroes and villains. He sees connections in everyday life, occasionally getting so lost in them that thoughts of them bleed into reality.
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🔴 He's bad at lying. Or, he has to deal with people pointing out nonsensical body language cues to make assumptions about his emotions (which is just as much a neurodivergent experience, unfortunately).
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🔴 I know all the prisoners have some kind of act they put up to cover up their true emotions, but it’s still so obvious how he lashes out in anger instead of properly processing/expressing his legitimate fear of the entire situation.
🔴 Extreme restlessness when waiting in an empty room all alone
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🔴 This may be more personal interpretation than evidence (because I don’t know how it holds up in the original Japanese), but his line in Muu’s bday timeline just struck me as someone who isn't usually accepted or accommodated for when they're feeling down.
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🔴 Also. Transed Gender. 🏳️⚧️
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#fuuta kajiyama#milgram#i definitely dont think that was yamanakas intention for him but i still think its a strong theory if you wanted!#ill need to go through some of the timelines -- its been a while and theres probably more in there#but yeah im reposting it with better organization and wording lol#if anyone has anything to add id love to hear!#fuuta my beloved. just like me fr.#the pic organization is fucked up on desktop but fine om mobile? sorry rip#analysis/thoughts
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CAERU IS DOING WHAT
Oh, you didn't know?
Caeru's actual purpose as an alt account is to Seek The Name!! AKA the infamous Fallen London storyline that permanently and irrecoverably bricks your account forever upon completion!!!!
It's a whole thing.
He's 2/7 candles into it and everything :)
#he'll be getting his third candle this upcoming january#after that is off to The Torment Nexus (winking isle)#after which i'll probably get all of the remaining candles in one horrifying swoop#and then. well.#there's only one direction to go after that :)#ask#fallen london#but yeah. the whole reason he's called The Doomed Scientist is because he's a dedicated seeking character#he's Literally doomed and destined to die and whatnot#theoretically. if i actually go through with it. im still deciding whether or not i want to#this is also the reason why he's married to the scoundrel for the record. not in-universe why but like#on a meta front#i just think my anarchist seeker being married to my loyalist mr cards is a really really funny combination of guys#dont worry. if he actually goes through with it and Dies Permanently™ the scoundrel will literally never be the same#they'll be emotionally wrecked beyond repair#it'll be great :)
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maddie hate in the big 2025💔
#‘homewrecking’ bae she wasnt the one cheating on vi#‘betrayal’ for all we know shes a loyal warrior of noxus she was doing her job#still cant comprehend how people despise this GOOBER when theres literally characters worse than satan in arcane#i cant even go through her tags in peace without a mosquito in my ear blabbering abt how bad and evil she is like girl move on#maddie nolen#maddie arcane#maddie nolan#my beautiful wife#anyway yeah im still riding her meat shes just too fine sorry#macposting
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hello echo enjoyers. im now suffering from brainrot also.
also also idk why but the stock image thing really tickled me. love this slow-typing ass office gila and his toothpicks <3
(and the horrors) (lmao)
#chase hunter#flynn moore#echo project#echo vn#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#art#clip studio paint#shoku.scribbles#anywho!#im going through this in the wackiest possible route order i feel like lmao#i went flynn -> leo -> tj -> jenna (still in the middle of it rn)#after doing carls im gonna do flynns again before goin to the other games#felt like flynns route was the most packed and charged route so far but maybe im saying that because its the first one i played even though#i now keep seeing people to leave his for last lmaoo#well i wasnt gonna be an asshole and leave him to sulk of course i followed him at the river dsjkfsdk#anywho anywho the real mvp of this game is kudzu. give that poor guy a break#ill draw him next i think#anywho anywho anywho. yeah. what a game. yes im delaying thinking about the horrors by drawing shut up <3#also im very happy with how this came out :-)
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Guess what FUCKING DAY IT IS
#smtwo thursday#OK SO. WE LEFT OFF WITH TOME AND REIGEN AND SERIZAWA GETTING THROUGH TO MOB#AND OBVIOUSLY HES LIKE DEVESTATED#i would be too i would lose my mind#Serizawa got away THANK. GOD.#KITTEN WHAT ABOUT THE KITTEN WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN TO IT DID IT LEAVE TOO?? IS MOB GONNA GET IT OUT OF THERE BEFORE HE LOSES HIS SHIT?#is Mob going to beat Teru's ass (deserved)#whats happening with shou? WHERES RITSU?? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING WITH TOICHIROU RN???#DID HE WAKE UP#IS HE ALONE#OH wait no i think Rei is still there#yeah Rei's still there#will she be able to stop him from leaving if he wakes up? probably not but at least hes not by himself rn#will i lose my mind this chapter?#idk#all WONDERFUL questions that im sure I'll have some of the answers to by the end of this chapter#youd better believe im keeping you updated
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"hes got the ability to pound you into the wall" very normal thing to say about maffhew, ekky
#txt#sorry im going through a shit ton of ekky pressers#and i have them in the bg as i work on a doc#and he said that and i heard a real life record scratch in my brain#like oh im sure he has the ability to pound you into the wall eks yeah i wonder how you found that out#do you ever think before you open your mouth like genuinely#bad question the answer is obviously no#but i still have to ask it#somehow this is worse than the “rubbing beards” comment about st*al and the nervous giggle that escaped him after he realised he said it#i need a smoke break#“hes got the ability to pound you into the wall” “im right below you”#yeah ekky does want to be get smashed in between the sunrise welcome committee#more news at 11
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actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)
#reading back that phrasing I do think that'll be the way brinknor takes it#this arcs seeming like it'll be so. breaking the cycle of abuse and violence and coming to terms with yourself#and maybe understanding that you can never remove the parts of you impacted by trauma and start again completely ''pure''#but you can treat yourself with the kindness you should've been given#which i hope it is that because. and understand i am biased. but i'd love that direction for Kevin#it feels much more satisfying than any more. angsty way this arc could go imo#like he's been through enough!#because of the way Kevin is portrayed in fanon. not as frequently anymore but still pretty common. I worry about coming off as woobifying#by saying I want him to heal I want him to have nice things I think he deserves them#when he's also simultaneously Not A Good Person#yknow the poor little innocent cinnamon roll baby etc etc fanon#but. well for one im Not Like That about him. but my main point of bringing that up is. him not being a good person is why I want to see hi#get better and generally have a good life. why does someone have to be good to deserve to heal from trauma#especially when trauma is a big reason for the way they are#like its fiction yeah yeah i'm still tired of mentally ill people having to be ''good'' to ''deserve'' to get better yknow#i mean especially in fiction you tend to either see mental illness as the poor traumatized one who's allowed recovery because they're nice#or the insane psychopath who cant be ''fixed'' so ''deserves'' bad things-up to deserving to die!- for it#i didnt mean for this to be a rant erm. oops#wtnv#wtnv spoilers#joyousposting
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luo binghe better than me fr i think i would've gone fucking apeshit if the person i loved with my entire soul pretty much said "fuck you" because of my race and pushed me down into literal hell for me to suffer for years
i've said it before and i'll say it again, i really don't think we give binghe enough credit. that man was on concerning levels of forgiving all the way from the start
#this would all be without xin mo eating at my brain btw#were the things he did wrong? of course. can you blame him? absolutely not.#like lets not act like at least half of us wouldnt go insane#i would be devastated#just.. place urself in his shoes ok#like he was able to still change for the better despite all the shit he went through#able to realize his wrongdoings and make up for them#thats fucking amazing and we should not discredit him ok#my ass would probably do the same thing as him tbh. or have a whole mental breakdown. or both#also same goes for bingge i wouldve done the same shit too probably. id fuck shen jiu up#again#not excusing his actions but i feel like people seem to focus on that part of him way too much when we literally see his character growth#and yeah hes still just a little unhinged but arent we all#hell some people are WAY more fucked up than binghe and they didnt even go through#i love him so much can you tell#so anyways yes if he were real i would date him hes so relatable#because then id now that he would actually change for the better and make things up and learn from his mistakes#yeah haha yes hes a red flag whatever all jokes and fun but are we just gonna ignore his development???#im not a binghe apologist. maybe.#svsss#mxtx svsss#luo binghe#luo bingmei
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@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔
#your reblog surprised me#THREE BUNS SUGURU (STAR WARS ER JUST FOR YOU!)#theyre covering riko or smt and smuggling her places (??)#drawing this i was like ‘oh suguru’s curses in a star wars environment should be robots and stuff#so this suguru is a mecanic (he makes them from scrappy parts people have thrown out#and trash materials (and hard work 😎)#diy pokemon#because what is the cursed energy people are letting out if not junk theyre letting go of#so yeah ; basic geto takes shit and turns it useful#i do realise thats already very generic for star wars (junk robots junk robots!) but like. yknow. this guy takes shit people wouldnt bother#trying to sell. miam. junk of the junk. geto my favourite recycling bin you were designed for a luxurious lifestyle clearly (gege not me!)#(and stuff…………. but im lazy to put my vision in words rn hah..)#gojo’s probably a princess#(let’s not lie. hes basically a prince already (clan heir is a different look on him))#this made me want to write ?.??#problem is i dont remember much about star wars (watched it as a kid (we have the cds) appart from the very basic storyline… i forgot ���#then theres the jawa’s first appearance cuz for some reason they scared me and i am marked for life (THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS 😭😭))#thankfully i lowkey want to rewatch everything so these issues can be fixed#(unthankfully either way the chance of me writing anything is very slim BUT WE NEVER KNOW RIGHT)#(hashtag diverging your attention from that other older post is it working /j/j)#omg glo i still didnt read balance (i think of it from time to time but im intimidated to read it because i know its right up my alley and#that i will love it and lately idk why but i need to ready myself emotionally to read peak fiction (this is so dumb but its true 😭😭))#my bad im rambling lol#WAIT FUCK SAME THING FOR BUNNY’S RECENT THINGY THAT GOT IN MY AO3 UPDATE MAIL#A LOVE STORY TOLD THROUGH THE LENS OF A THIRD PARTY MY BELOVED#(itsg ive searchef for these types of stories in advanced search before#AND NOW THAT I HAVE SOME BY AUTHORS I ALREADY ADORE .. IM- I SEE THEM BUT. THEIR CONTENTS STAY A MYSTERY. IS THIS MY BODY SUBCONSCIOUSLY FI#FIGHTING THE TEAR LOSS I WOULD GET??? IS THIS MFING [BALLING-MY-EYES-OUT] PREVENTION !? WITHOUT MY PERMISSION..!? TCH!)#my bad. ramble again o7 — see ya glo !#wip
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Im still so mad about the fact that baldurs gate 3 is over 100gb. Like it's just wasting space on my PS5 rn there is NO NEED for the graphics to be that bloated
#crow rambles#when i finally beat it i am 100% uninstalling that shit#'oh but crow the amount of choices in the game-' there are plenty of other expansive rpgs with choices that dont take up half my storage#bg3 critical#<- i guess#honestly im kinda surprised how neutral i am on that game#like. ik the pc is supposed to be a blank slate to allow oc creation but tav has got NOTHING going on for them#'oh just play durge its closer to a true bg3 experience' i should NOT have to pick a spcific background to get the whole#rp experience. insane.#and ik youre like crow you like veilguard. but like at least veilguard acknoledges the background you choose???#like. not once did a companion ask me my opinion on a random thing? halsin asked if my tav had any fears#and i was like 'oh finally!!! i can flesh out this character -' only to be met with two options. one of which was just not answering the#question. and like yeah theres so many quest choices and they did that well i just. hm.#idk. dont hate bg3 but i am surprisingly neutral on it. especially considering how much i like expansive rpgs???#i think i just dont like larian rpgs all that much bc i have had divinity 1+2 for actual years#and still havent managed to get through either of them once#another thing with bg3 is i feel like i missed so much companion content bc i didnt being astarion with me#and. i should not feel like that!!!! idk. anyways im just in a slight hater mood#bg3 is paced weird and it annoys me so bad.
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in my new uquiz i ask the question in all your hearts, are you even good enough to have imposter syndrome?
#yeah it only has seven results im still exhausted from that god quiz with 35 results#if this reads as really tonally incoherent i have literally come back to this about 15 times#like this went through so many iterations. i was originally going to be really mean#but why would i do that?#ive just got to post because its never going to be what i want it to be#ok so now for the most important tag#mashmouths#you said this would be a good one to do next like 6 months ago and i have been struggling ever since then to get it done#this one's for you#quiz#uquiz#etc
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˙ . ꒷ 🍰 . 𖦹˙—
#im currently at my sister's place. she wanted me to take care of our dog while she and my mom goes home to sort through their stuff#i have a very unpleasant headache after waking up early after no sleep. walking to the psychiatric for an appt. then having minor issues to#get here bc the train tracks were... smth?? and the train was late and idk. it ended up being painless to get here#then i went to buy groceries and then took the bus here. since i've been here once it is easier for me to navigate skskks#now im here and im happy to be with my dog :3 i havent seen him for an entire month :(((((#but it feels weird to be all alone.... i dont like it actually :// i mean if i didnt have my dog here it would be AWFUL#i dreaded a bit to take my dog outside bc she lives on the third floor and he cant walk down the narrow stairs. so i have touse the elevator#but that went fine!! its still not as easy as just opening the door and then go straight outside tho T-T!!!!#idk. i realize that im just.. a person who dont like change. i have lived in the same place my ENTIRE life. i havent moved once.#and even if it isnt as nice anymore bc um literally thousands of ppl have moved in the past couple of years... it isnt as calm at all anymor#BUT. i fkn love the environment and scenery. there are so many beautiful and pleasant places to walk. and sit. i just love and need to walk#i know every road and walkaway there.. i know which trails are calmer and nicer etc. we have parks and forests and all that#here is like just housing areas. like apartments and houses and stores and schools. and roads. roads everywhere... cant find a path without#a road next to it ://// it isnt calm at all bc there are always cars :( and um idk how im supposed to go for walks when there arent anywhere#to go. so yeah what im saying is that even if the place i live has gotten worse.. i still feel. like thats my home.#idk how to live anywhere else. and to think this might be the year i HAVE to move. i .. dont know how to adapt and settle into another place#i LOVE where i live. i love how its built and the neighborhoods and everything. i feel so so attached to that place. i know this is life etc#but since i have lived there my entire life and just now being away from it in a place that has 10% of what my home has im like.#idk it feels really bad and im just not into life at all rn. i wanna live in a place i like and just rot into it. never leave.#i dont like change... im realllyyyy homesick rn T-T esp being alone without my family sucksssss i hate it
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Cool so I get to start training in a forge and welding and steam engine maintenance and fitting on weekends
#it’s.#okay.#it’s still Setting In but. I personally wanna ask the guy why#like ‘hey you SAW my list of medical conditions right? you know about the heart disease and seizures and physical mobility issues RIGHT?#I mean hell yes. I can’t wait bc i can work up to working on ships. people who have historical engineering skills are needed Bad on ships#at least the ones I wanna sail (tall ships my beloveds)#but I do love trains too. a lot. I like knowing How Things Make Other Things Do The Thing. it pleases me#ships and sailing always my first love#but the choo choo…#I got the email today from the manager and I’m way the hell out of town atm BUT!!#hey if I can survive America heat I can survive a welding shop. I think. we’ll see how long I last#tbh I think they said yeah bc they’re so desperate for volunteers and people willing to learn on the job#(it’s basically an internship tbh. unpaid apprenticeship)#so he looked at my medical issues and went ‘well if you die or get maimed. well. we’ll see what happens. you have two hands so that’s good’#no but honestly I am very very VERY excited#it’ll only be one MAYBE two weekends each month and they do have rooms on site for staff and volunteers who travel#(I doubt I’ll need them I know a guy 20 minutes away from the place who’ll let me crash)#so it’s not strenuous or biting into my already busy week#(being on a committee is fun….. *sobs in someone forgot to take minutes at last meeting*#anyways#this story is still developing#FINGERS CROSSED everything goes smoothly#even if I just did a Saturday….#I can work on ships………..#I COULD POSSIBLY GAIN ENOUGH EXPERIENCE TO JUSTIFY VOLUNTEERING ON A SHIP#AAAAH#(I do love a forge though… I can’t WAIT to try blacksmithing… even as an assistant/trainee/‘adaptable helper’)#yes I’m absolutely using ‘adaptable helper’ in this instance because. lol.#OKAY BUT IM SO EXCITED AND SO NERVOUS I REALLY WANT THIS TO GO THROUGH#soon as im back in the country im gonna try and nail down some dates
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